#peopling

[ssavaart]

Ever since my videos on Youtube and TikTok started getting popular, people would recognize me out in the wild and then realize that I am SO AWKWARD in person.

I LOVE meeting people... but I never know what to say and I always feel like I've disappointed them afterwards.

So, a few months ago... I printed up cards that I could give to people I meet that has an apology inside.

If you happen to see me, please say hi.

But be patient with me... I'm doing my best to "people" .

Sending Big Hugs from the Hobbit Hole. ♥♥♥

Scott

[hammondpubliclibrary]

[dankmemes23]

[ellenembee]

Sometimes my partner sends me the most relatable texts

[moonbean88]

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

“Why don’t you answer my text/message?”

Um, well, I want to but to answer takes time and thinking and dealing with emotions. I have to phrase things very, very carefully**. It struggle to me sure I can’t confuse you or offend you or be misunderstood or provoke a chain of conversation I don’t want to get into or…

I want to answer “how are things going” but I don’t want to find myself overwhelmed in a tidal wave enthusiastic, energetic, unrealistic, and utterly unsolicited advice. And I don’t want pity either.

I also don’t want to face a barrage of follow up questions and the expectation that I will explain in great detail and with full back story.

I don’t have the energy!!!!

I’m TIRED. I’m so damn tired, but trying figure out how to talk to you actually makes me more tired.

I know I need to answer.

I’m busy all day, so there is no time. Rush, rush, pushing myself as hard as I can. I don’t even carry my phone or have a way check my messages most of that time.

I tell myself I’ll do it after supper, but then it’s 9pm and if I am going to let myself sculpt and watch a movie (my only “me” time of the day) I better get cracking.

If I do answer first I am being pulled into a vortex of stress and time, with the expectation on your end that it becomes like a typed phone conversation. You think I will answer in real time, chat away with fingers flying, while I’m thinking of how I need to light the hot water heater and do the dishes and put things away and what about the laundry and how much time will I have left to watch a movie now and should I just skip it because damn I’m tired and OMG how did they get that from what I wrote…

You want rehashing, dishing dirt, dwelling on troubles I’d rather escape for a bit, and so much else I don’t really feel like or do easily.

I can do chit chat with strangers with great ease, but they aren’t expecting anything. They forget what I say by the end of the day. You expect a lot more. You often literally ask a lot more.

It was so much easier with my parents. They got me. Well, close enough. We could ramble all over the place without getting lost, because we were working from the same map. It felt more like a conversation of ideas than gossip. Talking to them was comfortable and relaxing, even fun.

I miss not having to weigh ever single damn word. They get very heavy very fast.

It feels like an act of translation. Maybe not like expressing yourself in a second language, but much more like a third you only learned in a class your took in your second language. You can do it

I tell myself I’ll answer tomorrow, after I’ve slept, when my brain is back functioning and I have the energy for a conversation. I am so, so, so TIRED!

But then the next day starts and I’m busy, busy, busy, busy…

And now you are offended. It’s been hours, why haven’t answered. I know you take it personally. I have to answer the second I get time.

It’s 11PM. I only stopped being busy. If I write now I’ll be heading to bed past midnight, AGAIN. I’m so tired.

I don’t want to bother you if you are still up, because I know your nature is to reply in minutes.

I tell myself I’m thinking of you by not answering tonight. Letting you not have to respond or deal with listening to my troubles before bed.

But it’s me. I’m tired.

I want to talk to someone so much, to vent and ramble, peppering it with things that have caught my interest … as is my nature.

But that isn’t the kind of conversation you want.

And so I wait, wait for the time I never have and the energy that always drains away, wait for my brain to have the strength to pull replicating your wiring for a bit…

And then, when I can wait no more I send something, fumbly and awkward. And you misunderstand or get attached to a tangent or get intrusive in your eagerness to help or…

Or, honestly, I get so embarrassed by how long it is taking me to reply I end up just hoping for one of my tech problems so I can have an excuse to apologize, and the apology will be a nice space filler for the conversation I’m not up to having.

I want to answer “How are things going?” with “Exhausting”. If I do, do you promise to let me stop there and go sleep?

No, that would seem terse and rude, so completely out of character from my verbose style that it would cause trouble.

I dunno. I think I will sleep on it. Again.

** NOT an issue on Tumblr. It isn’t that I trust you will understand any better, or even that you are more like hypothetical people that might possibly read my posts, but that the real world implications of misunderstanding are just so much lower. Accidentally get on someone’s wrong side here, and what, get unfollowed or some nasty anonymous messages? Get misunderstood by a person you know in the real world and you could end up severing a crucial connection, like “who is gonna give me a lift when my car breaks down now?!?”

[alyjojo]

[ancientorigins]

Cutting-edge DNA analysis has helped researchers better understand South American migration patterns, and their results are startling.

[hallucinatrixmusic]

My mum said my standards are too high and I need to hang out with a worse crowd

[fishthegenderwitch-lurking]

My Ikea shelves arrived today, on the same day and roughly the same time as the monthly cleaning service my roommates have, so this is where I had room* to build the 3 piece unit

It used to look like this

This is the building zone

Dog for scale lol

And now I currently have this

Ngl I feel like the garbage lady from Labyrinth in my room today

I dropped the second larger unit's box trying to get done, and it slid down the stairs, so I'm awaiting my roommate getting off work so I can get his help bringing it here to finish up

For now:

Oh, they also sent me the height extension pieces for all three of these, bc I bought it as a single unit. But my ceiling is too low for that, so I'm making them into a side unit for beside my chair later

Laundry hamper under that one, second one on top for books, and the single one higher still for my lamp? Stay tuned.

[blurry-bluebird]

Jeez deliberate dating is stupid. Like, what am I supposed to do, ask him what his favourite movie is? And ignore the shocking fact that he doesn’t like Northern Europe? I mean, I already wasted a day on the texting, do I call it quits because he’s not into socialism (literally wouldn’t cast a single glance if I heard it from a cute boy during a lecture)? The guy has such gorgeous eyes AND FOR WHAT. Can’t I have a normal irl meet-cute in a library or on the bus? A decent roommate romance? A tumultuous enemies-to-lovers thing with an annoying peer on a group project, where we grow on each other and fall in love before we know it? Fuck this shit I’m out…

[ineffectualdemon]

You're gonna be happier if

1. you can accept that people, even famous people, are also just some guy (or gal or person)

2. Realise "I don't like this" doesn't always, or even often, equal "this is morally wrong"

You can just not like something just because

3. You don't have to justify your dislike. You can just not like it for no reason

4. This also applies to people. Both famous people and people you know irl

5. You can keep your dislike to yourself sometimes. If someone likes something you dislike you don't have to fucking tell them

6. You also don't have defend liking something. If someone else calls it shit you can just go "ok" and go on with your day

7. You can be neutral on something. You don't have to have a strong opinion on everything. You can just not have an opinion on something

8. Not everything in your life needs to be a battle for moral superiority

Just let shit go sometimes

You'll be much happier I promise

[theinfectedtim]

Alright you all seem somewhat decent a this so how do i do peopling

[evianednos999]

[64space]

[ banging pots and pans ] CORPORATIONS DO NOT MAKE THE ART YOU SEEK BUT YOUR PEERS AND LOVELY STRANGERS DO

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

People should never say “Don’t you think?” to someone if they aren’t prepared for the person they are talking to to disagree. This is doubly so if the person they are asking is honest by nature.

***sigh***

I really hate when people ask me that, especially when I know full well they are NOT going to be happy with what I think. I don’t have enough people friendly with me to keep from keenly feeling every loss of warmth.

Look, I get it. The more people know me the less they like me. Folks project onto me when they meet me, but eventually they realize they were wrong. But to have it happen all in one go, riding on one question, to feel the sinking feeling of knowing how it will end, but still being unable to lie, to realize that I will always be able to trace the beginning of the end of a friendship to being true to myself…

I’m so tired of it!

Just once I’d like to feel I could be known and be liked anyway. Growing up I had friends where we could agree to disagree. Now everything seems to be seen as a dealbreaker. It makes no sense to me because I actually LIKE people to be different from me.

I’m not actually a horrible person, I’m just odd, atypical, weird, or whatever you want to call it. That’s what makes it so upsetting. If I were cruel or a thief or something I could at least understand. Usually I feel the coldness creep in over things it never even crossed my mind would matter.

As a little girl I would cry and beg my parents to explain. What is so wrong with me? They couldn’t tell and I sure couldn’t tell, but other people must see something.

If only I could lie. “why yes, I agree with your absurd ideas that I can actually prove false!” “Why yes, I do hate my favorite movie!” “ Why yes, I follow your religion!” “Why yes….”

But, that would probably kill me.

Hmmm, to be rejected by others or to hate myself…

decisions, decisions.