#platonic relationships are also important!! but they don't NEED to be labeled as familial to be valid

[perrypixel]

If they siblling-fy luz and hunter, I’m disowning the show

If they make lunter canon, I’m also disowning the show

[antimony-medusa]

See, the great fun with Pissa is I feel like any way you headcanon it you can make an arguable defence for it.

non-romantic, non-sexual QPR? Well they said with their mouths that it was platonic, and they're not THAT demonstrative. Kissing for a dare doesn't mean you kiss all the time. this can work. The important part is that they are A FAMILY look we got 4/4 family I'm weeping.

romantic, non-sexual QPR? Jumping to punch someone at the idea that they set up a date with your platonic husband? I see you. You are gonna be cuddling in bed later, aren't you.

QPR but they kiss and have sex? I saw you casualonasing on your husband, Phil. That was going to be picked up later, I just know it. Platonic just means you define it yourself, I'm picking up what you're laying down. Fucking but you're aro about it. Based honestly.

Romantic relationship and yes they fuck nasty? Okay with the people on this server including Wilbur and Baghera I would also loudly insist that my relationship was platonic so nobody asked me what my husband's dick looked like. I don't know I've never seen it and it's never been in my mouth. Don't ask me these things. Nope. (Meanwhile torrid romance.) I can track it.

They fully don't know what it is, it's just an arranged marriage that's turning into something new when they see each other every so often? Based. Who needs labels anyways. I will tag it as &/ and take my chances. I bet they held hands when they were sleeping.

There's nothing tender feelings happening Phil is simply gay4pay. Honestly I've only seen one person advocating this but it is so funny to me. You get that bag, Philza Minecraft. Missa staring pleadingly at his government-assigned-husband while Phil counts his pieces of leather and thinks about escape. Fantastic.

That's the glory of Minecraft roleplay, you fully get to fill in the blanks! The important thing is WE WIN THESE with all of yesterday.

[mossy123302]

I am not exactly entirely good with character or relationship analysis (A reason why my dumb fox head is aroace because I am not good w/ navigating romantic relationships)

So this is just my best effort writing the dynamic Q! Philza and Q! Missa have.

I do like to headcanon, like others, that Philza is indeed aroace, but not in a way, that like he doesn't understand what platonic or romantic means. Sure, it's funny to tease Philza about it, but it's also true that close friends could very much do so. I think Philza is quite aware of what is romantic and platonic, he knows the boundaries of it. I mean Philza is literally married to the Goddess of Death (implied) Kristin. It's more or less that Philza doesn't simply care for such labels. (I very much hc that Philza could probably be genderfluid, like me- Peeposmile)

It's something Philza even mentioned in the live stream when talking about the deities in hardcore world. It's something they don't care about and just vibe with whatever they're vibing with. They don't care and I think Philza is the same in that mindset. He just doesn't care, and will be blunt about it, if he needs to actually talk about it.

Philza seems to deeply cherish those that are ... similar to himself from what I can tell. I don't fully watch Fit or other POV to get a clear understanding of Phil's relationship w/ others so I'm sorry if I don't include them, same with Technoblade. I've recently started watching mcyt again and I don't want to talk about something I don't have a full understanding of.

Anyways, Phil deeply connects with those that share similar traits to him in some regard. Techno whose the Blood God, who clearly has an understanding of death, war and loyalty and this clearly shows via Missa too. Missa, while not a fighter, does understand death and how important it is... He literally is a gentle grim reaper. He understands death much clearly, because his mother is also a Goddess tied to Death as well. Missa is also fiercely loyal to Phil and his children, because honestly, he was so busy! He didn't have to return to Quesadilla Island but he did because he cares about Phil and his children, quickly adopted Tallulah and he hadn't even seen her yet.

Whoever Phil trusted and guards with his life, Missa will guard that person with his life as well. Of course, unless, we talk about BadboyHalo then that's another discussion LOL. Such a mess between the demon (?) and grim reaper.

Anyways, we know how much Phil values such loyalty that, I cannot remember what Tubbo said, but he immediately locked Tubbo out of his own home because of what he said about someone and while despite implied flings with others. Philza never spoke about others the way he speaks about Missa.

Their relationship definitely...crosses the line of platonic and romantic. I can see why it would be considered queer platonic relationship, but also at the same time, it's like there is some line being breached which makes everyone raise an eyebrow cause sir, what do you mean platonic-

Philza is clearly...possessive over Missa, because the way he got so defensive when Bagi mentions Antoine (right?) and Missa should date. Philza didn't have to get so defensive, because Missa already immediately denied. Philza could have kissed anyone else, like Fit, but chose Missa instead. He even demanded Tall Missa to the admins, got jealous over any shipping fanart and acts like he's fine and doesn't miss Missa at all. *Coughs in* "I'm going to f*cking off myself. Did Missa log on again?!" (Side eye Philza)

Like he's done lots of things that makes everyone just raise an eyebrow- Philza is fooling no one but himself (& Missa)

I also enjoy the lore Missa has going on with accepting that he is indeed a part of the family and isn't alone. Missa had just lost Spreen, and suddenly, he had no one but the Angel of Death as his assigned partner. Missa must have felt so unmatched compared to Philza because what could he even offer to the family? He had nothing but his music and kind words, which is everyone that Death Family wanted. Missa brought a different change to the family that makes them be vulnerable, to not be so serious all the time and to actually just relax and be like a family that's just on vacation.

I mean, and just talking about loyalty and kindness. Missa never gave up... He fought his way back, despite getting taken away by wolves and suddenly Badboyhalo being so cruel. He always made sure his family was safe and always brought something for them.

Didn't Missa say he got lost because he tried to find a gift for Philza?! Like...the commitment to find a perfect gift for Philza, and still returning (sure, without the gift). While it's hilarious, Missa doesn't run away because of his wet cat behavior. He runs away because he doesn't want to put his family in danger, he cannot fight as well as others can. He relies on others to fight for him and then he jumps in to help, but because the time zone doesn't allow such things. Missa is forced to run.

And Missa is good at it. He will run as far as he can, if it means his family will be safe. He isn't running away from his family, but the danger because at the end of it all, he will return back to his family, no matter how long it takes.

And Missa casually admitted to Chayanne that he needs Philza more than he realized, the same way Philza realizes he needed Missa but didn't dare admit, whether it is out of fear or something else that he couldn't voice it. But Philza clearly showed it through his actions, that he brought/dragged Missa to Rose's Sanctuary before they went to sleep forever. He didn't have to do so, but he did... indicating their bond is much deeper because Rose's Sanctuary is literally a pocket dimension that no one cannot access.

Missa has access. Now he sleeps eternally with his family...

Also their whole dynamic just being Sun/Moon. Fated to never see each other at times, until an eclipse and yet...they still leave signs to let the other know that they're still remembered. This also brought to my attention how Missa is afraid of the sky, while Philza yearns for the sky/to fly.

You think The Sun (Philza) misses the Moon (Missa) so much, because of how far they are, instead of just not seeing each other. The Moon clings to Earth, because they're afraid to go beyond...to something unknown while the Sun cannot stay still, and yearns to burn and be free.

Deathduo/Pissa has me on chokehold.

I do hope this was an interesting analysis, I'm not very good at this..honestly it's probably just me rambling if anything.

[kinardscoffee]

I truly don’t see this slow burn 6 season arc with buddie. I’ve been watching the show since 2021 and I’ve never shipped them. They’ve always been very platonic to me and this idea that BOBs push that place romantic love higher than platonic love is…..not great to me. Also this idea that Buck is Christopher’s other dad? I also don’t see it. Buck is a very important role in Christopher’s life but I’ve never seen the dad aspect? He comes across as more of an uncle which makes sense being his father’s best friend.

Hey, Anon!

Oof, right there with you!

I don't understand why people see platonic love as less than a romantic type cause, truly, a really great friendship can make all the difference in the world. And, like, we see this in the show in regards to Buck's coma dream.

In the coma dream, Buck finds out that Eddie was known as "the angry guy" at the 118. We find out that Eddie's parents ultimately take Christopher away from him, most likely because Eddie was unable to find reliable child care because, in this scenario, Buck never introduced Eddie to Carla.

Now, this is kind of important because that reasoning, which was made by Buck, means that it was Buck's friendship that helped Eddie through that uncertain time. It had nothing to do with a romantic love or pining. It was simply one man befriending another man and showing some support. A thing that Eddie doesn't have a lot of when he firsts shows up to LA.

One thing I personally haven't seen talked about regarding their friendship and Buck's relationship to Christopher also connects to the coma dream. Cause guess who IS in Buck's coma dream? Christopher is, that's who!

And it's kinda neat to me that coma Christopher asks Buck if he will help him find his dad. Indicating that along the way, as Buck and Eddie's friendship grew, Eddie found himself. He was happy, and he was able to be the dad that Christopher needed him to be. All because of the kindness selflessly given by Buck.

And another thing... the coma dream is Buck's mind. So, the fact that we don't see Eddie at all and Buck doesn't really linger on any idea of Eddie is pretty telling if I'm honest. You don't think while Buck was trapped in his head, we wouldn't see more indicators about just how important Eddie is to him?

If anything, we see just how important Christopher is to Buck. Christopher stands at Buck's bedside and tells Buck that "wherever you are, you have to come back."

Because Eddie, Christopher's dad, needs his emotional support bestie. And Christopher KNOWS this. It's just another example of showing how much Christopher really sees through Eddie's trauma.

Onto the dad bit...

I don't see Buck as Christopher's dad either. But I believe it's yet another form of a deep platonic love.

Buck sees Christopher as his friend.

Not Eddie's kid. Not a baby.

To Buck, they are equals, and they both understand each other's importance to the one man they share in common: Eddie.

To say he can be seen as Christopher's uncle is probably the closest thing to say in regard to labels. Cause we all know that if Christopher were to get hurt, Buck would say he's family with absolutely no hesitation.

We also see the almost brotherly divide between Eddie and Buck when it comes to issues that Christopher is facing.

The biggest one is the skateboard incident. Eddie, the father, immediately jumps to conclusions and blames others. (Which, fair... cause I'd do the same thing for my kid who is also special needs)

Then you see Buck just trying to find a suitable solution. He never gets mad at Chris and he never punishes him.

Because those are the parent's responsibilities.

Sorry, anon... I kinda went left on this a bit!

[barbwritesstuff]

I really enjoyed Crying Wolf (after about one page of being a bit scared cause the words "prison" and "romance" used together can be really...not good in the hands of other people lol) so i'll be buying any book you were to publish. :D

Okay.

Story time.

Perhaps also rant time.

I don't know. We'll see where this takes us.

For those that don't know, Crying Wolf is a novel I wrote that was published in 2021. It's about twin brothers who get sent to prison for a crime only one of them committed. They're also werewolves.

You can buy it here if you're interested.

Now for the drama.

Crying Wolf is not a romance. At least, I never intended it to be a romance when I wrote it. It was inspired by the Australian TV show Wentworth (which is a prison drama) and me wanting to explore werewolves in a world where their existence is not secret.

But, peeling back another layer, it was really about me missing my sibling who I'd previously been very close to who suddenly moved to the other side of the planet, and processing some feelings I had about being in intimidating environments.

Ali's romance with Morgan was not nearly as explicit or important to the story in the first draft, and Amir's relationship with Ben was much more queer platonic.

But, I was told very unambiguously by several people, that I needed to increase the romantic elements. A lot of early readers felt the drama between the brothers wasn't enough to hold their interest.

Which is fair enough. I made the romances a bigger part of the story, but they still aren't the story. The story is still the brothers surviving a very dangerous environment while learning to let each other go.

It was, even then, still not a romance.

I never once tried to sell it to publishers as a romance. I always said it was a family drama. I distinctly remember making a point about this because I didn't want publishers to be disappointed.

But family dramas set in prisons which also happen to be full of werewolves isn't really a marketable category. Gay paranormal prison romance is.

I think this is was even more true back in 2018 when I signed Crying Wolf's publishing contract.

I noticed during the editing process that my editors really wanted to increase the romantic elements of the story even more, but that didn't really bother me. I don't think I 100% realised they intended to market it as a romance until later.

And I don't hate that. I guess I can see why they did it. And, with the edits, there is very much a romantic feel to it now. But, I still don't think it fits well within the category.

The literal climax of the story is about the brothers calling out to each other and giving each other strength from a distance, even if they can't be together in person. It's not about the kissing.

I don't know how readers feel, but that's how I feel. Especially considering how dark prison romances can be, I just don't think it fits the label.

Ultimately, Crying Wolf did not sell very well. Sure, there are a few hundred copies floating around out there, but it doesn't pay any bills. A part of that, I think, is it came out at a weird time in a weird market. COVID changed a lot of things. However, I also think some people picked it up thinking it was a dark romance and were disappointed... while others who may have liked it didn't buy it because they thought it was a dark romance.

Or maybe it just isn't the sort of thing a ton of people would be interested in. I dunno.

I still really like it. I think I did a good job writing it and reread parts of it from time to time. But, personally, for me, it isn't a romance.

It's about twin werewolf brothers being bad at emotions in a very fucked up situation.

Anyway, I'm really glad you enjoyed it, and would buy other things I publish. I hope you'll get that opportunity and I hope this sort of cleared up the marketing weirdness with Crying Wolf. 💙

[hedgehogcryptid]

Probably no one cares but I need to rant about Fairy Tail now that I finally finished it. Because I feel like it gets a lot more hate than it deserves considering that almost everything it set out to do it did right. Starting from characterization and relationship dynamics. Those were fucking great. They're so fucking fleshed out, I love them.

And I've seen people complaining about Natsu and Lucy's relationship being dragged out but I feel they're missing on the fact that, first and foremost, they're partners, and no amount of romance or lack thereof can change that. Not long after meeting him Lucy jumps out of a window with no hesitation and no back up plan because she heard Natsu's voice and that meant she would be safe. That is not just a high level of trust, that is insane. And that's the entirety of their relationship. Making them romantic wouldn't change anything. It would just mean slapping a different label on it, because their relationship simply cannot be more deep and meaningful than it already is. (And this might be my aroace ass speaking, but I cannot imagine Natsu being stereotypically romantic. Even if they decided that they were, in fact, dating, I feel nothing would change in the ways they act around each other)

Also about Erza and Jellal, really. They're clearly meant to be together, they love each other. But they can't share any amount of time on the same room without it becoming awkward or dramatic because the amount of shared trauma between them is fucking astronomical. They need twenty years of therapy before they can do any significantly romantic thing and that's great. It's awesome! Just because you're in love with someone doesn't mean that being together will be easy! But that doesn't make their relationship any less meaningful or tender.

And the platonic relationships! The family ones! Makarov will risk himself and use the fairy law and Mavis tries to stop him. Tells him she has a plan that will lead to victory. Only for Makarov to say "I know this. But I need it now because the children are suffering and I won't wait a second longer" before obliterating an entire army.

Gildarts might be a womanizer but he's good with kids and he's so fucking delighted at having a child. He's so proud, and so embarrassing. I love him.

The raijinshuu are friends, and it shows, and I kinda love that the one to have a raging crush on Laxus is not Ever, the only woman among them. And the Strauss siblings have such a good relationship too. And thankfully don't fall into any of the worst sibling cliches. Levi and Gajeel spend the whole time they know eachother developing a relationship on the background, and by the time you pay atention they're sleeping together. That's hilarious. It's fantastic.

And speaking of Laxus, he goes from being a crazy fuck to incredibly cool and dependable without it feeling like he got a complete personality transplant. Partly because it soon becomes clear that most dragon slayers are, at any given time, one wrong turn away from completely losing the plot regardless of their best intentions. But also because his core values remain the same. Guild pride is the thing that drives him. When we first see him he's obsessed with making Fairy Tail strong so that it can stand proud on the face of anything. After taking a forceful journey of self discovery he learns that the guild is the sum of every individual person on it, instead of an abstract ideal of power, but the fact remains that the guild is the important thing to him. That's why he gets Natsu to defeat Hades instead of doing it himself. Because at that point he's not a part of the guild, so if he's the one to win it'd mean that Fairy Tail didn't, and that simply cannot stand.

All in all, it does such a good job of depicting good and complicated relationships with care and nuance, and makes a place for the ones that are bad. Lucy's dad has to work to get accepted back into her life, and that's amaizing. Where else have you seen a parent that doesn't get instant forgiveness after saying sorry? It's certainly not as often as I would like.

But I mostly feel like talking about the "darker" things, because it sometimes gets labeled as childish because no one dies (which is a big fucking lie. And I did not sign up for that. At all. I was fucking counting on it, and it was a LIE. And sure, Silver was technically already dead, but still) and like. I get it. Most main characters who "die" get miraculously saved. But that doesn't mean trauma in-world is any lighter.

On the seven year timeskip most people don't care about the characters that stayed behind, because they're secondary, and weaker, and not very cool. But we're told the reason the guild fell behing wasn't because it lost it's stronger members, but because they spent years upon years neglecting jobs for the sake of searching for the missing ones. And that's very fucking big.

But, again. The darker shit. They're not happy go lucky. They're not naive. They declare war no less than three times and every single one they make it clear that it is not about justice, it's about vengeance. About retribution. About "you don't fucking fuck with us". (And, lets remember, declaring war was fucking illegal).

They repeatedly say that they don't do good things because they're the good guys. They do the shit they wanted to do and it might just be that it could be considered good (and if not, they can convince people in high places to overlook it, pretty please. Because they have the friends to manage that).

Natsu has a whole argument with an outright assassin, and it never comes up that "murder is bad". It's framed more as a professional disagreement, rather than a moral argument. Natsu's main problem is that, while taking killing jobs, they call themselves a guild, the thing he asociates with family. The thing he considers sacred above all else. And since killing jobs are dirty (not unethical) they should, therefore, never touch a guild.

Before the final batle he outright says that killing kinda sucks but he will do it if he has to. And then kills around 900 people in a single second. Lucy is ready to kill. She's alone with Brandish in the bath and she's ready to shiv her in the neck. She might feel cornered, like this is the only option she has left. But in that moment she's ready and willing to see it through.

Invel is facing Gray and tells him "yes! Sucumb to the darkness so you may understand and join our purpose". Only for Gray to go "you dumb ass bitch. Do you think I care about going dark? Do you seriously believe I'm playing hero? All I care about is taking you down and if I have to be evil for that then that's how we roll".

All of that. I love that. They don't give a single fuck. Family comes first not because that's good, but because that's the way they are. They don't much care about what place their guild occupies relative to the rest of the world, or where any one member falls on a scale from good to bad. When all is said and done, all that mathers to them is the line between them and us, and they don't care to sugarcoat it.

And so many shows do that wrong. You get good guys who commit untold atrocities that go unaknowledged because they're the good guys! They can do no wrong! And I feel Fairy Tail should get more credit than it does on those grounds alone, but it does help that the character dynamics are good.

And I could write an entire (incoherent) essay on how Zeref is truly the most sympathetic villain I've ever seen. Everything about how he ended up makes perfect sense with his fucked up situation beyond a simple "I suffered so now I'm a self righteous asshole". You can see all the ways his mind had to twist itself into pretzels for him to maintain any semblance of functionality. If you're an hyperempathetic young man who suddenly and involuntarily kills anything he cares about then you really need to convince your brain that you don't care about anything, actually. Problem with that is that you're now convinced that it's true, because it doesn't work unless it's true. But the thing is that you also want to die, and you can't do it while actively wanting to die, so you need to die while thinking you don't want to. What's the best way to do that? You need someone else's help. And the best way to get someone to kill you is probably if they really really hate you. And the best way to do that is to become a supervillain, probably. Which also comes in handy for the whole "convince myself I'm truly an asshole" thing. And you end up becoming a calamity and fucking over the lives of anyone who could have loved you. But at least you can finally die.

And Mavis! The sweet looking, undeniably good person who turned out to be a ruthless strategist, quite detached from the world around her, who has a hard time weighing the value of individual human lives when there's a bigger picture to look at. But she's not an unfeeling stereotype either. She does love people, she wants them to have good things. But that doesn't change the fact that she doesn't relate to people the way others do, even if she could've lived her life without ever realizing (and I love that they tell us the wars the mages participated in were merchant wars. Just a random little tidbit, but yes. Wars do tend to be about money)

And this was a very long post and I said a whole bunch of nothing because I can't keep a train of thought to save my life. I just wordvomited a bunch of things that I liked. Long story short: characteryzation in Fairy Tail is top tier and I won't be taking criticism about it. You can try to critisize me though, I do enjoy arguing when I have enough braincells to put words together in the right order

[devine-fem]

Not an ask. Just wanted to say u always put the best stuff on my dashboard. ❤️❤️ and u have the best takes on my fav DC characters & ships 😅

AFAAFOUASHF (I'm fixated on Birdflash so I used this as a way to rant about them. I'm sorry this got a bit long ...) I appreciate this so much. I guess this is somewhat coming from my sudden fixation on Birdflash? No, I so get it. Thank you so much, @dinkgrayson. I so get it like I feel like I ship birdflash a little differently than the average person. Like I love Wallylinda like I do Clois and I also ship Dickkory really hard, so Birdflash are exes to me, it especially helps because fandom always depicts them as Robin and Kid Flash before they both met their soulmates, but I just ship them as exes, they are my favorite exes and I wish there were more fics where they were portrayed as exes and not endgame. Same thing with Supermanhunter. I ship Clark and J'onn as exes because if they were exes, it'd be so interesting. Same with Dickwally, I think the way they talk about each other just seems a little off... I don't know how to describe it but the way they grew from each other kind of felt like a breakup but one on good terms.

To me, Birdflash dated as Kid Flash and Robin [I also am so partial to them because I love Kid Flash!Wally and Robin!Dick... he's my favorite Robin... I just grew so attached to the fab five that I love Dick and Wally in those eras so much] because I feel like while they were Kid Flash and Robin they were much more unsure of themselves and would've jumped into a relationship a little bit more easily because they both desired some comfort from constant stress that no one else shared but each other because Robin and Wally at the time didn't have other robins or kid flashes to relate to. (I also use them as kind of the queer experience a little bit because in my head, I feel like they never really LABELED themselves as a couple, but they just kept seeking and finding in each other it stopped being platonic at a point. It's an envelope of the queer experience where your repressed and internalizing your emotions, especially in an era where Dick and Wally were created to be more relatable, I feel like it makes their characters a bit stronger...) Around the time Dick became Nightwing is when they broke up and on good terms, they stayed friends and purely platonic, but I also feel like they treat each other with a certain cadence of care/love that it feels very much like how you'd treat your ex. Just thinking about them being in a somewhat incognito relationship where Bats knows but doesn't say anything and they quietly break up which like helps with their development in my head is so chewy. I guess Birdflash a bit more looks down upon as of recently within the fandom because of how Birdflash shippers have treated Linda (I was surprised finding this out because it seemed so dead) but I also feel like it's not that serious because I understand that Wally is very family orientated but so is Clark. Clark NEEDS Lois and Superbat exists as to which SOME people treat Lois a bit harshly, but no one complains about that erasing Clark's character even though I really don't think Clark and Bruce are that much important to each other as everyone thinks they are (I don't like Superbat much either) Some people may treat Wally as an item to Dick but not me, I actually have read and know more about the Flashfam. I know more about Wally than Dick because I never really cared for the batfam that much... but that's just me. I'm a bit different and I wonder if like I'll post them more. Not sure. Sorry, ranting...

[rohirric-hunter]

Hi sorry I was going to leave a comment on that QPR post you made but my thoughts got too long for it lol.

I totally agree with the post itself! but you kinda lost me at that last tag there. Like yes defining a qpr as an “elevated” friendship is absolutely incorrect and devalues friendship, but I don’t think that queerplatonic is a “new dumb word” that was just made up for the sake of it y’know? The way I’ve always understood it, a qpr is an important friendship that is Different from your other friendships, not necessarily more important, it’s just different to you by a significant enough degree that you feel the need to differentiate it from your other relationships. By design the definition is not meant to be any more specific than that, because everyone approaches romantic vs platonic relationships differently, so what counts as “different” varies from person to person. So what exactly a QPR *is* also varies from person to person. Basically the term has been misused and misunderstood by a lot of people, but it absolutely still has a use and a reason to exist. It’s not for everyone but also it’s not really meant to be y’know? Anyway I hope I haven’t just made it sound more confusing, I worry I’m not good at explaining this stuff

Also I’m not upset about the take in any way and I hope I didn’t make it sound like I was, I just kinda had Thoughts about it that I wanted to share 💜 (and sorry for being on anon, I am a long time follower but I just get really nervous about sending these kind of asks. Feel free to delete this if you don’t feel like posting a response I totally understand )

I want to open by saying I understand I was really aggressive in my original post. Maybe I wouldn't have said the thing about a new dumb word if I had made it when I was calmer.

But to be honest I think I still don't get it. It sounds like what you're describing might be a Best Friend? This is another term that has been misused a lot; when I was a kid it was a fad for little girls especially to have a best friend that they did basically everything with -- this was viewed as almost a requirement and in the rush to find a best friend since of course you had to have one people often didn't manage to bother about whether or not the person they labeled their best friend was really a very good friend, or a friend at all. I'm also quite certain that this was in large part a marketing stunt by Big Jewelry who realized it afforded them the perfect opportunity to convince people to buy two bracelets/necklaces/what have you instead of one in the form of friendship sets. Not that I have anything against those by themselves, but you have to admit the potential profit for a number of less than scrupulous individuals makes how hard they were pushed suspicious. So I definitely see why people might shy away from the term, or not realize that it actually means something real and serious. But 100% when I have relationships like what you just described the word for it is Best Friend.

The reason why the word upsets me is sort of complicated and multilayered. The word "queer" was first used (and primarily still is used) to describe gay people, so to the average straight mind it comes with this romantic or sexual connotation. So right off the bat you are giving the impression that this is just a friends with benefits situation at best, and a normal romantic relationship but you don't want to use that word at worst. This is of course not what the word means, I've never seen it used to mean that, but that's definitely the impression it gives. And I don't really want to get into the specifics but this is an attitude that has hurt me and my friends and family in a lot of ways over the years.

Maybe I still don't understand and there's something else there. And maybe for people with a lot of trauma around the misuse of "friend" finding a different word is good. I wish they would pick a different one, though. This one is badly designed, and feeds (unintentionally) into the widespread idea that anything not straight and allo must just be a front for weird sex.

(I'm not upset either, for the record, at least not seriously and not at you, and you're fine on anon. I hope this isn't offensive at all, I just genuinely don't get it. The word seems unnecessary and harmful to me. Not intentionally so, of course, but there it is.)

[r0botic]

Friendships seen as something of less value than romantic relationships

I've always said this and I'll say it again, friendship isn't something "less" than a relationship and it shouldn't be viewed that way. I'm SO SICK of society's view on friendship and how it gets treated both in real life and on social media.

When it comes to family love, you don't say you love your family less than your romantic partner, you simply say that it's a different type of love, which it is, then why do so when it comes to your friends?

First of all, friendship love and romantic love are two completely different things, therefore they can't and shouldn't be compared. Let's not bring one type of love down in order to bring the other up.

Second of all, the sentence "he's more to me than just a friend" you just said about a person you have a crush on and barely ever talked to made you sound REALLY ungrateful. Why would they be "more than a friend"? Are they even your friend to begin with? What did they do to even get such a mark, what more could they possibly give you than your loyal friend who was by your side and let you cry on their shoulder for the past six years?

You either never had a genuine best friend who you loved, or you are way too obsessed with romance.

Seeing a healthy friendship and immediately assuming they are in love

This is also a weird thing a lot of people do, why would a person be in love with their best friend for writing an essay on how much they love and appreciate them? Or why would you even try to convince them that they are? Who are you to say that? You really think you understand their feelings better than the person who is feeling them? Let's normalize being grateful for your friends, shall we.

Friends elaborate on their platonic feelings for each other and yet people still laugh it off with "you will know in no time", "that's what they all say", "just kiss already" like what? How are you so ignorant? These two people just respectfully explained to you what they feel for each other and you are still forcing your romance ideals into them. Actual real people. Are you not considering the fact you might be making them feel really uncomfortable right now? Just stop and think.

Let's try this example of disrespect on another type of love, would you try to tell a couple "wow you are such good friends"? You wouldn't, right? Because they told you once they are a couple, so since they cleared it up for you, there's no need to keep telling them they are good friends, they would look at you weirdly if you did. Then why do that to two friends? It's also an unpleasant feeling to be told all the time that you and your best friend are in romantic love when it's not true, there are types of love, trying to prove to other people which one of them they are feeling for each other is disrespectful to say the least.

Strangers -> lovers & Friends -> lovers

I'm aware that two friends can become romantic partners later on, there's nothing wrong with that, but that still doesn't prove me wrong in what I'm trying to say. If two people love each other platonically and it's mutual, both knowing they aren't developing any romantic feelings, then you should respect it and shut up. You are not involved, why do you care so much?

When you and your friend fall in love and start dating, you can say you are friends and romantic partners, or just romantic partners, whatever you prefer. When you fall in love with a person before you even get the chance to be their friend and straight up start dating, I'd see you as romantic partners, without the friends label. Me personally, I think friendships are really important, you need your romantic partner to be also your friend, if they are not, you are most likely to break up later.

-

So yeah, that would be it, thanks for listening to my rant. Sometimes I just get angry and need to share my opinions.

All types of love are important and feel nice, making one seem better than the other is just illogical. Please appreciate everyone you love. Family, friends, partners and pets, they all make you happy and together make your life worth living, be grateful for them.

[aggressivelyarospec]

hi, i need some advice. if you don't do this sort of thing that's totally okay I just didn't know where else to go.

I'm not arospec so I hope this is okay but it relates to it- and all the people I've asked that are also allo don't really 'get' it and it takes a lot of explaining.

so basically my bf is aromantic.i know that's contradictory but hold on here. So basically he's my boyfriend except we aren't actually in love with each other- we just do the other thing you know the thing that asexuals don't do- sorry idk what the guidelines are on this app-

and he's okay with being boyfriends because his family doesn't believe he's gay (he's not out to them as aro) and he wanted to like prove them wrong or something I really don't know, we were just like friends and also involved otherwise and then he asked if I would be his boyfriend

and I said, Aren't you aromantic, and he said yeah and explained it to me, but then he asked if it was okay if I was his boyfriend even if we didn't like each other romantically and I was like okay, because he's a really good friend and I was so single it was painful.

Now, here's the issue. I think I'm falling in love with him. AND HE's aromantic. I don't know what to do. I know we're not real boyfriends, but our interactions feel different now that we have that label, and I've always been attracted to him.

And for some reason, internally I can't differentiate between attraction and romantic feelings.

Should I tell him or would that cause more harm than good? Should I break up with him since it's going to create an impossible situation for him???? Should I just say nothing and live with my feelings forever?

I can't snuff out the crush cause I see him every day. You can only get rid of these things if you don't feed them. But I'm getting so fed. I just need some advice.

Again, so sorry if this is not allowed or formatted incorrectly. Good day.

Hello there! Our blog isn't meant for this type of thing, but we're always happy to help as much as we can, so you're more than welcome to write to us about what's troubling you, don't worry.

Now, I am aromantic in the way I understand your boyfriend is (the type of aro with 0 romantic attraction), so I'll try to answer from his perspective?, although I'd like to remind you every person is different, so this may not apply to him.

My go-to answer to situations like this is: talk to him. Honesty is one of the most important things in a relationship, no matter the label, and hiding these feelings from your partner is never a good idea because it can cause insecurities in both of you. But before you do that, though, I'd like you to reflect on a couple of things, if you don't mind:

1. I don't know exactly what your agreement was when you began the relationship, but I'd like you to think about why you keep referring to both of you as "Not real boyfriends". If that's what both of you decided to call it, it's okay, and please ignore this, but if it's only your perception, what exactly makes you not real boyfriends? Romantic love may be what brings most people together at first, but it's not enough to build a relationship/partnership, not even for allo people. And it's not the sex either.

You mentioned your interactions felt different. Why? What about the label made you change the way you treated each other? A boyfriend can also be someone who loves you platonically. Someone who, despite not being romantically in love with you, is in love with what you bring to his life and wants to keep you in it. A "boyfriend" is whoever you decide to call that, the same way you decide to call someone your best friend or your brother from another mother. Those labels only have the meaning you decide to give them and fuck with whatever society thinks of them. Do you really need to be in love with each other to be real boyfriends or what you have it's enough, even if no one else gets it?

2. What exactly are you hoping happens once you talk to him? You already know he's aromantic, and I doubt that changes if you confess to him, so are you prepared for his reaction, whatever it is? Could you handle dating someone you know for a fact isn't in love with you? Would you do it because he's important to you or just because you don't want to be single?

There are a lot of aromantic people in romantic relationships and they work because both sides are ok with the arrangement, but that doesn't guarantee your boyfriend is going to be ok with it, so think very carefully about what you'd like to get from him and how exactly could you meet his needs if you both decide to continue the relationship after the confession. Think about your expectations and communicate all that to him. Maybe talking to him will clear up your mind about the attraction vs. romantic feelings dilemma. And since I'm guessing you're in a relationship with him because you trust each other and care for each other, keep that in mind when you're thinking over all this stuff.

You don't have to answer any of what I wrote above to me unless you want to, but this is for you to reflect on. Those feelings are a big shift in your dynamic as boyfriends, that's why it's important you talk to him and renegotiate your relationship if that's what you both decide to do. Don't assume anything about him and whatever decision you come to, remember you need to do it together.

I hope this helps! Thank you for trusting us with this.

— Caro

[ask-obt]

Is Inigo asexual or aromantic? I remember it being mentioned as asexual but he often talks like he just doesn't have romantic feelings for others.

// I've always used sexuality/romanticism labels interchangeably due to my own personal experience of living in the middle of nowhere where a lot of the folks here have a hard enough time understanding sexuality, let alone romantic attraction and the difference between them. I guess that muscle memory is something that carried over to OBT a bit when pride month comes around? Of course I understand the importance of using such labels for a lot of folks, and encourage people to use the labels they identify with! I myself am on the asexual spectrum and am biromantic, and I write Inigo as demi/ace- but for both of us, I would casually use the romanticism label as the catch-all term to describe attraction (so I'd call myself bisexual, and him asexual/demisexual).

I will be delving into some more pondering about how sexuality works in OBT's worldbuilding below the cut here- I will give a soft CW for talking about sex as a concept.

(Adding this parenthetical after the fact, but for those out of the loop, sexuality = sexual attraction, and romanticism = romantic attraction.)

This does bring up how sexuality and romanticism differ in OBT- I quite frankly don't really like the idea of pokemon reproducing sexually in my own comic's lore, so the worldbuilding makes it so they don't need reproductive organs to reproduce. And I don't think the process of creating eggs by blending aura imitates the sensations and experiences people feel when they do have sex in real life. Maybe pokemon would feel a little energized after? But I don't think it'd be exceptionally pleasurable.

So when you take out the pleasure part of sex, it stops becoming a recreational activity and a bit more clinical... The only real reason poekmon would participate in OBT's aura breeding is to create an egg. So how does irl sexuality translate into OBT's world?

While writing this post I thought maybe sexuality could indicate the willingness to have children and start a family, but that would really alienate the experiences of people who enjoy sex as a bonding experience and just want to get closer to their partners without committing to a whole family. I also thought about sexuality maybe being just cuddling? Though for me I consider kissing, hand holding, cuddling, etc. to be what differentiates a romantic relationship from a platonic one. Maybe there's still a form of heavy petting in the world even without genitalia that would constitute the label of a sexual experience? (I certainly don't think genitalia has to be involved to have sex haha)

But to be honest I don't really think about it that much since it doesn't interest me.

So I guess the conclusion I boiled it down to for OBT's world is that sexuality/romanticism end up being the same thing. I do still believe some characters are more into physical contact than others- Inigo would probably be less interested in kissing and cuddling than Dielle, who is very touchy-feely.

[ask-asexual-crystal-gems]

Hi, I don't want to be rude, I'm just trying to learn and don't know who else to ask about this sort of thing:

I've recently started learning a little bit about asexuality, and the main thing I don't really understand is how people can really be so sure about this sort of thing (especially really young people; I've seen kids barely eleven or twelve years old calling themselves ace). I know so many people (particularly women) who never felt any sort of sexual attraction, and were sure they never would, and then they eventually did.

Including myself! Like I said, the term "asexual" isn't something I encountered until fairly recently, but there was a very long stretch of time (read: all of middle school and all of high school and even the first year or two of college) where, if I'd known the words, I'd probably have considered myself ace, or at least demi. I was completely sex-repulsed (again, not a term I was familiar with at the time, I just thought of myself as a prude). (I liked looking at cute boys, but only in the way you look at paintings: nice to watch for a while, but I had no desire to touch or even talk to them.) Sex just sounded really gross and I didn't get the appeal in the slightest. (And whenever my friends started gushing about hot guys and their abs, I just got totally confused. How did the amount of muscle a guy had determine his attractiveness?)

(I also didn't have my first real crush until I was almost seventeen, and it was with a guy I'd literally known my entire life (who was totally off-limits for many reasons) but had only recently started hanging out with one-on-one and realized how much we had in common. It was a mess and I was an emotional wreck for months until I got over him.)

And then one day, when I was around twenty or so, I woke up and realized that sex just didn't weird me out anymore. I wasn't about to run out and have a one-night stand with the first semi-decent looking man I met, but the idea of being like that with a guy (especially one I really cared about) suddenly sounded really nice and like something to look forward to. And something I wanted sooner rather than later.

To me, it feels like a lot of it is just the backlash of our highly over-sexualized culture, where sex and romance are pushed at us (again, particularly girls) from a very young age, often in a rather shallow, unrealistic, pornographic, Hollywood-esque way, and touch in general is seen as less and less platonic (when I was in high school, I thought nothing of holding hands with my friends or leaning my head on their shoulders or even sharing a bed on a sleepover, but nowadays if you do that sort of thing with anyone but family, the assumption is that you're in some sort of non-platonic relationship).

(When I was in college, my mother saw me running my fingers through a female friend's hair and asked if there was something I wanted to tell her. I was confused at first, and when I understood what she meant I was really upset. Not because I was offended at being considered gay, but because platonic touch has always been so so important to me and the realization that from now, on it would be seen as something else hurt. (And also because I was still rather sex-repulsed and the thought of being in that sort of relationship with anyone, especially someone I thought of as practically a sister, was gross.))

We're simultaneously being told, "don't show any sort of physical affection to anyone you don't want to sleep with" and "you should have sex as often and with as many people as you possibly can." And more and more, young people are rejecting that hook-up culture mentality; and where once they would have been considered late-bloomers or old-fashioned or even pretty normal, it's now seen as them having a "problem" or being "weird." And, like every difference, it needs a clear-cut label we can use in response. ("There's nothing wrong with me, I'm just [insert group label here]." "Well, when we thought you were just a freak, we felt justified in being rude, but now that you can call us [insert aforementioned label]-phobic, we probably shouldn't do that. (And if we do, you have like-minded people who'll protest in your defense.)")

But to me, labels aren't always a good thing, and can even be dangerous at times. Once someone puts a label on themself, they often feel like they have to keep using it, even if it no longer fits. Especially if they've shared it with everyone they know, and were celebrated for it.

(Where someone like me might once have only gotten into their first relationship in their twenties and just explained it as, "oh, I'm just a late bloomer" or "I hadn't found the right person yet," they might now say to themselves that "last year I told everyone that I was aroace, so if I show up somewhere with a boyfriend, I'll either be made fun of or accused of lying. And even if they don't, I'm going to feel really stupid about that coming out party they threw for me. I may as well keep using this label even it doesn't accurately reflect how I feel.")

I guess what I'm trying to ask is what makes people, especially young people, (and particularly young women, who generally have a lower sex drive than boys of the same age) so sure that they can't feel sexual and/or romantic attraction, and aren't just "late bloomers" like myself? And what is the difference between the two?

(Sorry this ended up being so long, I guess I had more thoughts on the subject than I thought. Again, I really am not trying to be rude or accuse anyone of anything, I genuinely want to educate myself and understand more.)

Hoo boy this IS a long one, so I’m gonna have to do it in pieces, I think.

Probably gonna either reblog multiple times or start separate posts using this as a prompt list of sorts and then link them back to this one.

*stretches

ok, let’s begin here

“particularly women.”

Yes, it is very likely that there are more ace spec women than men. (Or afabs vs. amabs or lower testosterone people vs. higher testosterone people if we’re gonna go on that tangent.)

This is just basically true at face value, when talking bell curve distributions. No need to comment on it further.

(unless you want me to start in on a feminist rant about how the same way we as a society tend to linguistically use ‘he’ as the default pronoun, we, especially in media, also use male-coded attraction experiences as the “norm.”)

“there was a very long stretch of time”

Yes. That’s gray ace. Experiencing attraction very infrequently.

The thing that I see people struggling with with these 2 concepts is, “but what if demisexuality or graysexuality is normal for many women?” What if it is? That’s fine and cool and isn’t it great in this modern age we now have language to express and describe female-coded experiences instead of living with unspoken and unconscious norms and feeling broken and in some cases being literally over-medicalized by doctors when male partners don’t get their “needs” met [BIG emphasis on those scare quotes]

“I was completely sex-repulsed (again, not a term I was familiar with at the time, I just thought of myself as a prude).”

People grow and change in their sexuality. Bi folks preferences and leanings may change over time with their body changing. Some die-hard lesbians end up falling for men. Sexuality is fluid and malleable. This does not invalidate sexuality or your relationship to it at any given point in time in your life.

As long as we keep in mind as a culture that you are allowed to grow and change in your sexuality, there is no problem with using a set of labels, because you have the understanding that you can always change them later. Anybody who’s not on board with that and gives themselves or others grief over it has some growing up to do of their own.

Minors have sex with each other, or have interest in doing so, and if you felt Othered by that, then you did. There’s no changing that lived experience or whatever the biological differences are that underpin it. We can only become more accepting to fix the first. The second is immutable.

Let me repeat for emphasis.

Sexuality is fluid and malleable. This does not invalidate sexuality or your relationship to it at any given point in time in your life. Yes this includes childhood. Some people experience their first period as early as 6 years old.

They are the statistical outliers at that stage in life, but you, or at least people like you, are the outlier when it comes to other 15 year olds. Some of whom have been masturbating avidly since they were 11. Many try really hard to studiously ignore the fact that kids/teens have a sexuality, and that results not only in a whole lot of internalized shame, nearly a decade worth of it, but also forced confusion (might be termed collective gaslighting?) like this over whether a 15 year old can ‘really’ tell if they are different from their peers.

“(And whenever my friends started gushing about hot guys and their abs, I just got totally confused. How did the amount of muscle a guy had determine his attractiveness?)”

Exactly.

Didn’t even get to reading this part yet and I had already covered being Othered.

Whether it was malicious or passive doesn’t matter.

pansexuals and demisexuals and sapiosexuals would all feel Othered in these situations.

So let’s start validating those lived experiences rather than constantly putting them down by questioning them.

To Be Continued >>

[fite-club]

you don't have to respond to this if you don't want to, but in response to your aplatonic post. i'm aplspec, and learning about aplatonicity has changed me. i've always been a friendly and social person. for a period of my life, i wanted friends. i often forced myself to do "friendship things" because that's what was socially expected of me. that's how you make friends, after all. but that connection never came and i never understood why. i could easily talk to people, but never felt like they were really my friends.

after discovering it was possible to *not* feel platonic attraction, things changed. i realized it was okay to just... not feel that friendship for someone. i shouldn't force myself to do things i was uncomfortable with. i started setting boundaries for myself and i feel so much better and less anxious. i could enjoy just talking to people without the pressure of becoming their friend.

also an obligatory "just because someone is aplatonic doesn't mean they think they can't or don't make friends" bc that's important but you've probably heard that a million times lmao

yeah i might have some kind of undiagnosed neurodivergency (that's a high probability tbh) but right now it's the only explanation for my struggles. yeah, if it turns out i have some kind of disorder that affects the way i interact with people, cool i understand myself better. but right now, aplatonic is the best understanding i have of myself, and i find comfort in that.

maybe you don't relate to it or see the use in it for yourself, which is perfectly alright, but for others it helps a lot. the label helps us feel like we're not alone

before i get into this i want to say thank you for sending this, and also that i am not coming from a place of bigoted judgement but rather concerned skepticism.

it isn't possible to "not feel platonic attraction" because it isn't possible to "feel platonic attraction". a platonic relationship is just one that isn't romantic or sexual. friendship isn't the only kind of platonic relationship-- family members, neighbors, classmates, coworkers, etc are all people you have platonic relationships with. and no "platonic attraction" whatsoever is required for those relationships to exist! because it's explicitly the lack of attraction that makes those relationships platonic in the first place. the deep connection found in a close friendship isn't "platonic attraction", it's the result of having shared interests/values, relating to each other emotionally, and connecting on a personal level. and the other person in the relationship is just as responsible: if you aren't interested in what someone has to say, that doesn't mean you aren't interested in what anyone has to say. there are SO many people in the world, and infinite possibilities for friendship!

the thing about realizing that you don't have to force yourself to do things that make you uncomfortable is... you don't need aplatonicisim to realize that! you don't need to label yourself as aplatonic in order to set boundaries or feel okay with not caring that much about having close friends. i get why the label would lead to those feelings, but those feelings can happen without the label attachment.

i have seen the "just because someone is aplatonic doesn't mean they think they can't or don't make friends" sentiment a million times, and it makes no sense to me. because if someone aplatonic can still want/make friends, what is the point of the label at all? what is it actually saying about someone? i have specific beef with labels inspired by sexual orientation labels that try to do this "but people who use this label don't have to fit the definition of this label" shit, but that's a topic for another day

you don't need aplatonicism as an "explanation" for your struggles, especially because there's a 99% chance you're neurodivergent and that's the explanation. just because you find comfort in this label doesn't mean it's right for you. i know that a label helps you feel less alone, but the negative consequences of having labels like this is that it creates these little boxes that people feel they have to put themselves into. no one is born aplatonic and it isn't something people should accept as a lifelong condition. the majority of people using this label are neurodivergent teens and young people who have social anxiety. and while i see the benefit of saying "relax, you aren't broken because you don't have a BFF", i can also see the harm of saying "you can't experience platonic attraction so you will never have a BFF".

it would feel good if i ate pie for dinner every night, but it wouldn't actually be good for me. do you get what i mean by that?

[jennyyyeeettt]

stuff i learned more on the internet than irl

get a drink

you are unique, you are a part of the universe.

don't change, unless it's for the better and it makes you feel good

real friends care about you

what you need is more important than what you want

you write your own story, don't let others decide for you

there's no shame in being who you truely are, whoever doesn't respect that doesn't deserve your time

be proud of the little things you did bec. 5% is better than 0%

nothing lasts forever, so choose to "seize the day"//carpe diem boys//

if you are not where you are try to get there with plans and imaginatioins

imagine ur best self and show up as them

nothing is wrong with you, you are loved. bec there are many people in the world u didn't meet. and there's no way you are not someone's type

you are not ugly, u r just bored of ur face bec u see it everyday since you've been born and u hearedthe comments on it

stay nice or quiet, everyone has their battles

no mattar how much u think you are fucked up rn, months later things will change and u will forget about it

grief doesnt go away with time, time just teaches us to "deal with it"

just bec it doesn't hurt anyone, doesn't mean it's ok

karma is real, she just takes time and sometimes works secretly

romantic love isn't more important than platonic love

just bec someone is doing it, does't mean you HAVE to

if the story doesn't fit you, change something about it

being "private" is not the same as being "secretive" in relationships

before jumping to conclusions, ask and discuss, -with a good, none threatening tone-

love changes a person, even if it's not quickly

not being productive doesn't mean being worthless

being in a slump is not being lazy

everyone is an addict to something

treat yourself like you would a child every now and then and be a better parent to yourself

you are gorgeous anyways, so don't care what others say

if you fail, try again! it does't define you, it's not a part of u, it's like a game.. when a game says "game over" you just reply it

labels are so overrated, don't stress about it.. u do u

distance is a bitch, unless its distancing from toxic ppl and behaviours

love is not selfish love is understanding and comprimizing

saying i love you is not dangerous when its used with the right people

words of affermation ACTUALLY IS IMPORTANT

a "hopeless case" is never "hopeless"

the person they called "useless", made someone's day and helped them through a tough life

life is short, take risks, tell the people that you love how much they mean to you. no time for being fake.

idk if i already said that but fake it till u make it fr fr bro

push yourself bec no one else will, but also be kind to yourself -very difficult balance- IF you read all that, i hope you at least saw a thing that was helpful, I learned them literally from the internet (friends and communities and all) and I've been doing that for the past 2 years and they work with me, i didnt realize them at first but being a bit of a self critic i realized these stuff, even people now started to point it out. me and one of my fav internet bsff realized how we changed over the years and talking to their mom she also noticed it and its just so great to see how we both affected eachother and encouraged eachother to be better ... nothing is better than to find a home in yourslef .. doesnt mean it doesnt get tough sometimes, doesnt mean that i dont struggle with anything, but we are all humans, overall all we do is change and grow and its either to the best or not, it gets hard, but good relationships fixes the broken parts over time .. im so grateful for my family aka my internet besties :3 its 5 30 am and i need to sleep .. got a bit emotional lol :') hope yall have a good day/night take care

[olderthannetfic]

I don't like the trend of labelling fandom doing common fandom things as racist the moment a property with characters who aren't white gets popular. I remember when Encanto came out I, even before seeing the movie, knew there would be a shit ton of incest shipping and tons of "the big mean family doesn't understand poor woobie Mirabel and might even be abusive" fic with the mysterious rat man already a fan favourite and commonly paired with her in a (mostly) platonic kindred spirit way. The shapeshifter is gonna get a lot of genderqueer headcanons too obviously.

And guess what? I was right! Of course I was fucking right. Because certain tropes and archetypes often inspire similar fandom responses. Incest is obvious, the main focus is a large blood family and their relationships. Even before the lack of named or significant characters outside the family, incest was inevitable. The Loud House, which is another family friendly cartoon focusing on a large family, is basically all incest.

Mirabel is the oddball who, while not truly neglected, is sidelined by her family on accident due to them being wonderfully flawed characters, so of course fandom exaggerates that for drama sometimes to outright abuse. Mirabel then gets to call them all out or show them up or whatever for that sweet catharsis, or it's used to focus on Mirabel bonding with The One Person (usually fellow outcast Bruno) Who Understands and Validates Her.

And I'm pretty sure the internet wanted to either fuck or hug Bruno from the moment they saw his sad face. Instant Tumblr sexyman. He can do not wrong and anyone who hurt him even accidentally is evil.

Honestly the Encanto fandom (and similar) has been relatively less those things as well compared to other (whiter) fandoms with the same general archetypes and plot-type. More restrained. Which im not complaining personally, I don't like incest, but also I think if you want media starring POC to be popular people need to suck up the fact that fandom will do as fandom does. And I don't mean the actual racist stuff, of which there is a lot but is still less yelled about compared to to the stuff I just talked about despite being obviously more important, there is a problem of people being racist even when they focus on POC characters or double-standards compared to white characters. I just mean stuff that might make people uncomfortable or not focused on the meaningful themes or even a popular fandom trend that happens to align with a shitty stereotype but is legitimately just a thing fandom likes even with white characters.

I've also noticed a lot of pedestal-placing for POC characters which annoys me because I liked those flawed characters but fuck me for enjoying nuanced writing and characters I guess. At least bashers usually label their shit when they decide to make them abusive or evil or incompetent. They're not perfect that's why I like them. STOP MAKING THEM PERFECT!!! It's boring as hell and you can tell the fans overcompensating which feels weird.

--

I haven't seen this movie, but Bruno is super hot.

[cheesecakeblessings]

Alright, kiddos, strap in, because you're gonna learn today.

I think we all noticed that recently there have been an influx of new people in many different fandoms, but right now I'm gonna be talking about DSMP/MCYT specifically (although it applies to everyone).

New people also mean so many new budding fic writers and is there a better place to post them than ao3? Each day we get hundreds of new works - long, short, hurt/comfort, fluff, some really heavy stuff. And it's all wonderful! I love seeing it!

But, unfortunately, I've noticed some problems. Well, one main problem.

A lot of those new people don't seem to know what exactly ao3 tags mean and are used for. I've seen fics with no tags and raitings, fics where the author rambles in the tags, fics not tagged properly...

So, this is a quick crash course on how to tag.

First, the ship tags. On ao3 there are two main options - / or & - and they mean very different things. / is used for romantic relationships and romantic relationships only. You want to find a dnf fic on ao3? Just search Dream/GeorgeNotFound. Searching dreamnotfound might yield some results, but not as many as a regular relationship tag.

On the other hand, & is a more general tag, used mainly for platonic relationships. That found family you're looking for between two specific characters? That's gonna be a &.

Don't tag platonic relationships as /. And also, don't tag romantic relationships as just &, because people either won't find them or will stumble upon something that shouldn't be in the platonic tag.

Second, tags are used for filtering the contents of the fics. They should be short and on point. Put at least one that will tell the reader what to expect. I know the need to talk about your work, it's your brain baby, but that's what the notes at the beggining and end of the fics are.

Third, I know you may have noticed tags labelled as raitings, warnings and categories. I would actually consider them more important than the regular tags, especially warnings, and recommend using them. Some people might be uncomfortable or just plain not feeling in the mood for certain types of content and those tags are helpful to get rid of that stuff quickly.

I don't think I need to explain most of them. Just know that Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings is not the same as No Archive Warnings Apply. Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings means that multiple warnings might apply to your fic and that the reader should carefully look through the tags for any content they don't want to see.

This post was written to help new people to understand the way ao3 works and I might add onto it later as I notice more. I would hate to see great fics get lost because of bad tagging. Actually, just today I saw three different SBI fics tagged with / and only realized they were supposed to be platonic when reading the tags.

This was a quick and rushed PSA and I hope people will find it helpful. Anyways, thank you for reading.