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whatswrongwithblue · 3 months

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Alastor x Reader

"The Morning After"

This started out as an idea for just a quick funny incorrect quotes and turned into a full-on one shot of fluffy nonesense. G/N reader, though they do wear make-up. No use of Y/N.

Still half asleep, you shifted from laying on your back to your side, facing the edge of the bed. The change in position suddenly made you more awake for two reasons; the pressure on your bladder and the odd green light burning through your eyelids.

You blinked your eyes, squinting for several seconds as your eyes adjusted to the light, and you realized you were looking at the pocket dimension bayou in Alastor’s room.

Alastor’s room.

ALASTOR’S ROOM.

Oh fuck.

You look over at the other side of the bed and see the unmistakable red and black hair, the two long fluffy ears, and little antlers. Markers of his identity that you had grown accustomed to in the years you had known him. What you weren’t used to was the ashen skin of his bare back and the gentle rise and fall of his shoulder as he slept soundly beside you, facing the opposite direction.

He was as naked under the sheets as you were.

Halfway between panicked and giddy with excitement, you recalled the wild night you two had indulged in the night before. The culmination of years of pining on your end – and recently acknowledged and understood feelings on his end – had led you to his bedroom for the very first time last night.

You just hoped it wasn’t something he would wake to regret.

That worry had to come later because right now your poor bladder was going to burst.

Slipping out from under the sheets, you tiptoed as quietly as you could across the floor and into the bathroom, making sure to not turn on the light until the door was softly closed behind you.

Ugghh, you hadn’t even cleaned yourself up before falling asleep. You and Alastor had gone so hot and heavy that once it was over, you both had just passed out, wrapped up in each other’s arms, so exhausted that not even the mess between your legs and the wet spots on the sheets could bother you.

Quickly and quietly, you relieved yourself and then wiped yourself clean, praying to Roo herself that you would get the chance to shower before any more intimate acts were shared between you and Alastor.

And then you flushed the toilet and winced at the insulting and loud noise it made. You forgot the plumbing in this piece of shit building let you know exactly who was showering or taking a piss from two stories above.

Two more things happened simultaneously that got your panic spiking again.

The light in the bedroom flipped on and you caught your reflection in the mirror.

You’re make up was a disaster.

You weren’t so vain as to have never let Alastor see you without it before. Honestly, he’d seen you with a natural and clean face more often than not but of course you had put on a near full face the night before and not cleaned it up before . . . before . . .

Fuck, you probably left lipstick and mascara all over those nice silk sheets he had summoned just before he’d laid you down on them.

There was a soft knock on the door.

“Darling?” Alastor’s voice called for you and he sounded almost insecure and you would think about that later, later, how sweet that little hint of worry in his questioning was and how it meant he was hoping you weren’t regretting anything either and for fuck’s sakes you had patiently waited years to get that man’s dick inside you just for you to forget basic hygiene afterwards and now you had water proof raccoon eyes and lipstick smeared across your face like you were trying out to play the next Joker and what was left of your eyeshadow was in clumps that did nothing but accentuate every little wrinkle around your eyelids . . .

“I’m fine!” you say with a voice that was far too high pitched to be believable and you began searching through the bathroom drawers for a washrag or something to clean up your face. “Just cleaning up a little is all.”

He’d heard the toilet flush, heard the running of the bathroom sink, he had to have heard you rummaging through the drawers, frankly those beautiful ears of his could probably pick up on the sound of your heart racing like fucking Secretariat. And it was Alastor. He had zero sense of personal space and was likely going to barge in any second now-

You heard his soft chuckle as he opened the door and caught you desperately wiping at your face with a washrag and cold water, doing less to remove the makeup and more to just make an even more pathetic mess of colors across your stricken expression.

It didn’t help that you were still completely naked.

“My dearest, there are better ways to go about that.”

Frozen with embarrassment, you watched his reflection in the mirror as he walked behind you, though you wouldn’t meet his eyes. Instead, yours were glued to his equally nude body that he so confidently kept on display for you as he reached around you and opened a drawer, revealing a packet of make-up remover wipes.

He held one up for you and that’s when you finally looked up at him.

His ever-present smile was there, a touch sweeter and affectionate than usual, but the rest of his face looked as bad as yours. Red eyeshadow and black eyeliner had gotten everywhere and with the rather attractive sex hair he had going on, he looked more like a member of an 80’s rock band than he did The Radio Demon.

You couldn’t help the relieved laugh that escaped your lips.

“What, you thought all this was natural? Please,” he gave a dismissive wave of his hand and wrist and began cleaning up his own face.

The tension and nervousness melted away as you followed his lead and after getting yesterday’s make-up properly cleaned up, Alastor even summoned your toothbrush from your room for you to use. And none of it was awkward or weird, doing these normal, domestic things . . . in his bathroom . . . in the nude . . . with him there.

It should have been weird but instead it was unremarkably comfortable. Like it had been this way all along. A normal, mundane morning, in the best way possible.

“Join me for a shower?” he asked, with his hand held out.

There was a plethora of other questions left unsaid in his gaze.

Did you really not regret the night before?

Did you really want him? With all his violent inclinations and strange, often conflicting mannerisms and behaviors?

Were you really ready to commit yourself to the unpredictable life of The Radio Demon?

Offering him your best smile and your hand, you followed him into the steamiest, most invigorating shower of your life.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #alastor x reader #alastor hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor fanfiction #alastor the radio demon #alastor

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pumpkincurryelote · 1 year

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As women it's incredibly important that we develop a number of practical skills, chiefly among them being construction. The cost of homes/rentals is skyrocketing and unlikely to come down. If you do not wish to be snared in a capitalist misery grind for the rest of your lives, you need to band together with other women to acquire unrestricted land. Climate change dictates that land be high north (touching Canada's ass or Alaska).

This lady and her husband both have YouTube channels that you can learn from. Even if you don't have the means to begin assembling resources as yet, you can still familiarize yourself with basic concepts. You'll need a range of power tools and batteries for said tools. I recommend pawn shops. Manual tools as well, up to and including a bow saw. If you purchase a kit, then you don't have to do the measuring/cutting yourself. Just lay the foundation and assemble/insulate/plumb/wire (I recommend that your pipes and wiring by VISIBLE or EASY TO ACCESS.) Composting toilets and greywater reed beds are preferable for permacultural purposes. Bathroom, kitchen, and laundry must be near each other because they involve water and you do not want water damage nuking your structural integrity. In fact, a shared space for bathroom/laundry and high volume cooking is wise, preferably built with materials water won't destroy such as brick or stone. Slap twin wall polycarbonate roofing on that bad boy and the space doubles as your greenhouse.

Kits from this maker ship free to any business address with a forklift. The uninsulated shell kits are cheapest. A natural insulation such as wool is best. But insulation can be anything. If all else fails, extra high lofted barns from Home Depot/Lowe's do just fine converted into homes. Shipping containers are fine too, but will require cutting you may not be comfortable with.

Just some food for thought. Get the creative juices flowing. Sometimes you just have get out there and figure shit out.

#radblr #radfem safe #radfem #solarpunk #climate change

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hyperlexichypatia · 3 months

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"Universal housing won't work, because some homeless people want to be homeless! They don't want to be confined inside walls!"

Okay, suppose that's true. If every person were allocated their own house/apartment/unit, they wouldn't necessarily have to stay there. If they're more comfortable in the great outdoors, they could still sleep outside, hang out outside, spend their time outside. But they would still have a housing unit of their own, in case they wanted it. They could stay there occasionally, maybe when the weather was bad. They could take a shower there, receive mail there, have family and friends over there. Even if they chose not to use it as most housed people use our homes, they would still benefit from having it.

All of this, of course, is beside the point that the overwhelming majority of unhoused people do, in fact, want housing, and even the people who supposedly "turn down housing" or "don't want housing" are actually turning down the intense social control they're supposed to submit to in exchange for housing. There's a world of difference between "I'd rather sleep outside than live in a prison where I'm denied basic human rights and dignity" and "I actively like sleeping outside."

"But sometimes people in subsidized housing leave behind messes of blood and vomit and feces!"

Yes. Humans are animals, made of flesh and bone and gooey bits. Animals have gross bodily functions. We bleed and vomit and pee and poop. All of us do those things.

Sometimes, people -- especially poor people, who may have gone years without basic healthcare, or even decent food or hygiene -- have health issues or disabilities that prevent them from things like making it to the toilet in time, or cleaning up after themselves. Sometimes assigned housing for poor people is badly maintained, and may not even have things like a working flush toilet.

So yes, people have gross bodily functions, and some people -- especially if poor and/or sick and/or disabled -- may not have the ability or resources to deal with that issue in a hygienic way.

So what, exactly, is your solution?

Because my solution is to make sure that everyone has housing with adequate, working plumbing, and that everyone has access to voluntary healthcare to address chronic medical issues like vomiting or diarrhea, to provide needed adaptive equipment like a bedside commode, and, if needed, to hire personal care attendants to help people with things like cleaning, bathing, and toileting.

Your solution is what? That people with digestive issues should have to live outside? So they don't throw up on your nice floor? Do you have any idea how inhumane that sounds?

Or that they should be subjected to some type of coercive "behavior" program, because untreated Crohn's disease is a bad habit that they have to be tough-loved out of?

Because you think poor people are... just sitting there soiling themselves because they're too lazy to go to the toilet? That's actually what you think, isn't it? It follows logically from the assumption that poor people are poor in the first place because they're "lazy." But two seconds of thought would show that it couldn't possibly be true. You just think of poor people as less than human.

You are also gross and leaky and fleshy. You also poop and pee and barf and fart and sneeze. You are, through no virtue of your own, able to manage your bodily grossness. You are no better than someone who can't.

#housing crisis #universal housing #housing #classism #late capitalism #gross bodily functions

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hollowed-theory-hall · 6 days

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i don't remember in which book, but there is an episode where Narcissa takes Draco away from a clothing store (Madame Malkin, I think) because they cater to muggleborns. i understand it was a political statement...

but with that in mind, question is: how far is pureblood bigotry actually goes?

are there shops exclusively for purebloods and we just don't know about them bc harry didn't go there, or were they decades ago... do purebloods buy products invented by blood traitors like the Potters and Weasleys? after all, they are good quality, but it is not good to give money to dirt yk. at the same time, most shops probably fall away from public bigotry bc even if they are run by purebloods who believe in pureblood supremacy, they will still serve everyone, because money in the first place.

this is an interesting topic for research, in my opinion, and very comparable to reality

Like, my immediate answer was: Very far.

I mean, once the most blood purists of their society gain control of the ministry they are literally rounding up muggleborns to be sent to Azkaban.

That being said, casual blood purity, like you mention, seems to not go as deep as Narcissa would like you to believe. Like, we see Draco using Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder in book 6, which was invented and only sold by Fred and George. I think, like with a lot of irl bigotry, it's a lot of performance.

Like, blood purists would talk a lot about not buying from filth and mudbloods, but if a blood traitor has a good idea or a good product — they don't put their money where their mouth is. They'd buy from blood traitors and muggleborns if it's the better product. They do copy ideas from the muggles. Like, I'm sure blood purists who have access to the Floo ridicule the concept of the Hogwarts Express and the Knight Bus, thinking of them as filthy muggle inventions; but I'm certain they were all too glad to bring indoor plumbing into Hogwarts and their mansions because it's an invention they liked.

We also see a dark pureblood store like Borgins & Burkes hire filthy, poor, orphan Tom Riddle. He was good at his job, he probably wasn't paid a lot, and so it didn't matter his blood purist employers/customers thought he was a mudblood and filth if he was good at what he did. They'd hire, buy and sell to muggleborns and blood traitors if there is money on the line.

We see this attitude with Slughorn as well. He's surprised by Hermione and Lily being muggleborns and exceptional witches and potion makers because he doesn't expect it (the bigotry of low expectations, which we also see irl). But, he does invite them into the Slug Club and he expects them to then be able to get into positions they usually can't because he basically vetted them as 'talented filth'. They're okay and good to hire by purebloods because they're good at what they do. Now, I don't think Slughorn is a bad person, and he's actually doing a very useful service for talented muggleborns in the bigoted society they live in by opening doors for them, but I digress.

I think it's telling that an ancestral house of The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, the "always pure", is a muggle house. Grimmauld Place is a house built by muggles, for muggles, that the Blacks decided to have as their own. They have muggle plumbing, muggle baths, muggle toilets, and muggle wallpaper, and they like it. but if you asked them, they'd call their house a "wizarding home", even if every brick was put in its place by muggles without a drop of magic.

We are told by Pottermore a good chunk of the Malfoys' inherited wealth is muggle. Their manor is also, most likely, muggle-built. They live their pureblood lifestyle, thinking themselves oh so much better than blood traitors when the food on their table was put there by muggle money. That the reason they can act the way they do, that they have more money than the Weasleys — is because their ancestors made business deals with muggles. And they know it but choose to pretend to have forgotten.

The point is, yes, blood purists would talk all day about how they want no filth in their house and how everything muggle is lesser, but when muggles/muggleborns/blood traitors have something good going, when they have a good product or are themselves talented, they'd be blind to their filthy blood for the sake of money/good idea. They'd tell themselves whatever lies they needed to tell themselves to believe they weren't blood traitors for installing a toilet. That they're not supporting muggle ideas by living off of muggle instructors.

They're bigoted hypocrites is what I'm saying.

#harry potter #hp #hp meta #asks #hollowedtheory #anonymous #wizarding world #harry potter meta #wizarding society #the wizarding world is a dystopia #blood purity

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bluesest · 24 days

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A House

Even in a place where you can do your private activities in peace it is not safe if the people who live there are enemies among them. In one home lived a "happy" family made up of the mother, father and… 4 brothers, exactly, a total nightmare especially if you are the youngest of them all:

Thomas: The oldest brother, he wears a red t-shirt with tight shorts almost all the time, he has a relaxed attitude with his family and nervous with other people, his hair is brown and he has a bit of a chin, he is the tallest among the 4.

Blake: The second brother, he is the toughest of them all, he always wanders around the house shirtless showing off his strong pectorals worthy of a gymbro, his sweaty smell floods the house and he is the least shy of them all when it comes to "basic needs".

Tony: The third brother, the most behaved of them all, always obedient to what his parents or Thomas tell him, he gets along somewhat badly with Blake thanks to their clashing personalities, however, they get to enjoy each other's company in different activities.

Alain: The fourth brother and the youngest, his personality is a combination of Blake's rebelliousness and cunning with Tony's shyness, he does not like to obey his other brothers despite being older and the orders of his parents: "Thomas is in charge", it is not that he does not like to listen, but he hates his brothers, they are cruel to him because he is the youngest of all, the most defenseless.

Life at home was hell for Alain, he heard several insults from his siblings, teasing and pranks, many times locking him in a basement just for fun, but his favorite activity is to take Alain's lunch, usually his mother would make desserts for the siblings and when she wasn't looking, they would take Alain's part and eat it threatening him that he was a little girl who can't take any jokes, this stopped Alain from expressing this situation to his parents because according to him: "I am not a whiny little girl".

One day like any other, Alain suffered from another cruel joke that included water balloons, his siblings mocked him again while with fury Alain went up to the second floor of the house where the bathroom was located, closed the door and began to dry his face with a white towel.

"Why won't they leave me alone?"

"I wish I could get revenge."

Suddenly his father Todd who was a man in his 40's, wearing glasses, dressed in a white t-shirt and was standing with a towel covering his hips as he enters the bathroom:

Todd: "Whoops, I didn't know it was occupied."

Alain: "I'm just drying my face dad, besides, don't you have your own bathroom?"

Todd: "I just came to take one thing out of here, you go on…wait why are you wet?"

Alain didn't want to answer that question, luckily a strange sound interrupted them both: *PPPFFT*. A wet fart appeared in the bathroom:

Alain: "Oh come on dad!"

Todd: "Oopsssss it slipped out son, sorry hahahahaha…"

Alain: "The smell isn't even normal!"

Todd: "Sorry, but recently I've been having problems with my own plumbing, I couldn't get all the crap out of me, I was constipated so I bought a laxative and it's taking effect. I only came here because when I finished my business, well, let's just say I didn't quite calculate how much toilet paper I would need, so I came here to borrow some." Alain: "I mean, your ass wrapped in a towel isn't… clean?"

Todd: "Yeah, but it's going to get even dirtier in a few minutes anyway, that fart was just a warning."

Alain: "DAAAAAAAAD!"

Todd: "Alright, I'll leave you alone."

Todd walked out of the bathroom closing the door leaving Alain in privacy again, "That really was embarrassing…wait a minute…that's it!" a bright idea crossed Alain's mind, "How about now they are the ones who will have an embarrassing moment…when they have diarrhea outside the house!"

Discreetly Todd walked into his parents' room and noticed two things: the horrible smell and the miralax laxative on the nightstand, he quietly picked it up and took it from there ready to begin his plan: "Intoxicate my siblings will be easy, they take all my food, I just have to find a way to make them Leave the house… right! They each have things to do out of here just for this day, so I have to take advantage of the situation!"

Alain arrived in the kitchen where with his skills he cooked one of the few desserts he knew how to make thanks to his mother: Brownies. After an hour and a half, they were finally ready, they looked great and smelled good, they were definitely not going to resist.

He walked around the house with the plate full of 9 brownies, when he got to the second floor he is seen by Tony while he was in his room, he approached him and said:

Tony: "Where did you get those, little guy?"

Alain: "Mom baked them for me and my friends coming over later."

Tony: "Isn't mommy supposed to have gone shopping?"

Alain: "Yes…b-but she left them baking and ordered me to take them out."

Blake appears on the scene:

Blake: "Do I smell chocolate? Give me some, little guy"

Alain: "They're for my friends!"

Blake: "I wasn't asking you!"

Both brothers began to struggle, Tony catching the falling brownies while Blake tried to pry the desserts out of Alain's hands, while Alain pretended that he really didn't want them taken away. With one more stretch of strength, Blake emerged with the victory by retrieving a plate of 6 brownies while Tony held 3 with his hands.

Alain: "Give them back to me."

Blake: "Or what, you're going to cry?"

Thomas appears annoyed in the hallway:

Thomas: "Stop yelling! You won't let me study in peace you assholes!"

Tony: "Excuse Alain, he's crying because Blake is bothering him."

Alain: "I'm not crying!"

Thomas: "Oh, and those goodies you got Blake?"

Blake: "Mom made them for the little girl, she wouldn't give them to me so I'm going to keep them to teach her a lesson about sharing."

Thomas: "Obviously that lesson involves me, give me some bro". Being 9, Blake hands out 3 to each brother, he starts eating and the taste is exceptional, albeit a little strange to the taste of mom's brownies, but they are still brownies, who cares if they have laxative in the recipe, right? He was followed by Thomas and Tony who more slowly enjoyed every bite of the dessert until in the blink of an eye they had finished it all.

Tony: "You really showed off with this treat bro."

Blake: "You know how I am, always so charitable to the poor needy souls."

Tony: "That's weird, the only one who looks like a shirtless bum here is you."

Blake: "Oops how dapper sir ("I need to scent the bathroom after I leave")"

Thomas: "Stop arguing, and let's thank the little girl scout for those delicious Brownies."

The three brothers in tandem thanked, "Thank you so much Alain!", Alain on the outside was frustrated and in real anger due to the insults and sarcasm, but inside his mind he thought, "Thank you to you"

Each brother after an hour left the home to go about their own business:

Thomas:

He arrived at the university in a bus, he had to take an important exam which he had been preparing for all week, it was difficult but not enough to overshadow his relaxed attitude. He set foot on campus and the first gurgles began:

He put a hand to his stomach, "It's just gas," paused for a moment, bent his knees a little thanks to the pain and:

*PPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTT*

"Wow", a long fart filled the fresh air, luckily there was no one around and besides it was still outside the premises, the smell was free in nature while Thomas without taking importance to this first warning headed to his classroom.

"Lucky it's only one hour of exam and I'll be back home, I hate going to this place on Saturdays"

*GGGGRGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR*

The teacher arrived, a man in his 60's, skinny and with white hair, he was wearing a formal uniform and square glasses, with a serious look he gave the start of the exam.

"This is the A, This is The C, and this…this one will be random."

*GRRRRRRRRRRRR*

"Oghhh, again I have to…can I hold on!" *GRRRRRRRRRGRGGRGGGG* *GRRRRRRRRR*

"Nope, I can't, I'm just going to release some pressure by stretching and… *GRRRRRRRR* oh no…"

*pffffffftttt*

A silent fart came out of Thomas' sweaty ass, "I wish no one had heard it… or smelled it *GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR* oh… what's happening to me?"

*GGGGRGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR* *ppppffffffttttttttTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.*

The final crash of the buttocks caused by the pressurized air echoed and it was obvious that some people noticed the noise and the rotten smell, "Will it be last night's lasagna… or… those brownies?"

*GGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR*

"Whatever it is it's wreaking havoc in my gut *pffffffttttttt* I need to get this over with."

Thomas with sweat on his forehead set out to solve the exam as fast as possible, every minute that passed was suffering, in his head there were two worries: failing the exam because of his urgency or making a fool of himself in front of his peers with disgusting, loud farts heralding an even worse climax.

*pffftttttt PPPFFFFFttttttttttttttt* *GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR*.

Time was ticking away, 20 minutes to go and Thomas had 80 questions solved, his stomach was making it known how upset he was as he released increasingly raucous air, small voices could be heard opining on the recent change of atmosphere in the room, the professor although looking just as annoyed as every day you could tell he also noticed the smell and possibly who was causing it, or at least that was what Thomas thought.

With 15 minutes left before the end, Thomas handed the test to a disgruntled teacher, then walking out of the room, closed the door and *PPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFTFTTTTTTTTTTTT* a huge fart echoed through the halls, Thomas knew he needed a bathroom, "No way I'm going to the bathrooms here, maybe someone will hear me…" and running he headed to the bus stop to return to the comfort of his home.

Blake:

Like his brother, Blake took the bus, not to go take some silly test, but to meet his friends at the usual gym. On the bus he started to feel a slight stomach ache: "Must be the protein shake I took" he lifted his body a little and *PPFFFFTTTTTT* a short but loud fart was present on the bus, many people frowned at such a display of impoliteness from our gymbro, while he didn't flinch at all, it was the smell of a real man.

10 minutes passed and he finally arrived at the gym, upon entering he saw his two teammates getting ready for arm day (yep, a Saturday).

Blake: "Hey don't start without me!"

"Then take this barbell and get started bro!"

Blake sat down and with one arm did several reps, sweat was in the air, *GGGRGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR*, Blake stopped, set the barbell aside and held his stomach.

"What's wrong bro?"

Blake: "Something's wrong with my stomach, I think…"

*PPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTT*

A stormy fart came out of him, even the weight bed couldn't properly catch the smell, his friends laughed along with him, but inside Blake knew something was wrong, but he wouldn't ruin his Saturday of arms and He continued with the reps.

"Wow it sure does stink."

"Yeah, it looks like your pipe is clogged with something and wants to get rid of all the crap you eat."

Blake: "Shut up, if yours are worse".

"No way bro"

Twenty more minutes passed and the pain wouldn't stop, Blake felt several gases inside him that for some reason he couldn't release, his tight sleeveless shirt was completely sweaty, not from a few simple repetitions, but from the pain and heaviness he felt.

"Hey, hand me that weight that's at your feet Blake."

Blake got up from the seat, moved forward a couple of steps and crouched down, a big mistake:

*PPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.*

A big wet fart came out of his big butt, the smell spread quickly disgusting even his own buddies.

"Dude! What was that?"

Blake: "I think I have diarrhea…"

Blake held his belly and walked slowly to the gym bathroom, however, these were under maintenance, with no choice, he said goodbye to his gymbros and waited at the bus stop to get home.

Tony:

He didn't have any special activity, every Saturday he always went to the park to get some relaxation from the dystopian home he lived in, he usually feels bad about what they do to his younger brother Alain, but he can't do much about it, he had to be the laughing stock of his other two brothers (especially Blake) until Alain finally grew up, At that moment they treated him more like one of their own, like a brother.

He arrived at a wooden bench in front of a small duck pond, thought about his life, how unlike his brothers, he had never had a partner in his life, it sounded nice, but it was obvious that, if he continued with those attitudes of a shy boy, he would never achieve anything with anyone.

His thoughts were cut off when a familiar sound came: *GRRRRRR* a small gurgle was present bringing with it an incredible acidity, to distract himself from that he decided to resume his walk, "Should I have eaten those brownies? Is that what's causing this heartburn? Was it the chocolate? Sugar? Or the guilt I feel?"

He paused for a few seconds, closed his eyes, and... *PPPFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTT*

"Wow, almost and I look like Blake's lol"

The acidity hit him even harder, Tony started sweating when another fart escaped from him: *PPPPFTFFFTFTTFTFTFTF*, it was a hot one, his rectum was starting to burn.

"I think, if it was the brownies, what did they have?"

He bent his knees as another flurry of farts attacked him: *PPPFFFFFFFTTTTTTGT* *PPPFFTFTTFTFTFTFTFTFTF* *GRRRRRRR* *ppftffttftftftftfPPPPPPTPHTTRTRT*

Tony has always had a pretty sensitive stomach compared to his siblings: "I think I need a bathroom right now," his walk went up a notch to become a race with the toilet in his house being the goal, there was no way he would go to those portable toilets in the park.

As he ran the farts became more persistent, smelly and wet, little by little Tony could feel an amorphous mass forming in his intestines struggling to get out.

*PPPFTFTFTFTFTF* *PFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT* *PPFFFFFTTTT* *PPPFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT*

Each step meant another exasperating fart announcing the inevitable, before accepting defeat and starting to defecate his beautiful pants, he could see the patio of his house where he could see his sweaty brother Blake.

At Home:

Tony: "Blake, what are you doing here?"

Blake: "I came back from the gym because I'm literally about to have a bout of diarrhea"

Tony: "You too?"

Blake: "I was at the gym when a greasy fart came out of me without warning, I felt my anus burn and the smell..."

Tony: "Ok I got it, I don't need explanations" *PPPFPFFTTFTFTFT*

Blake: "Just like that"

Tony: "Shut up"

After exchanging insults, Thomas' bus arrived and he ran downstairs holding his stomach ignoring his brothers, he tried to open the door, but it was locked.

Thomas: "BUT WHY IS THIS DAMN DOOR LOCKED!?"

Blake: "Wow calm down bro"

Thomas: "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! I NEED TO GET TAR OUT OF MY ANUS RIGHT NOW."

Tony: "Like everybody... One minute... the brownies"

Blake: "You think Alain..."

Thomas: "THAT BASTARD WILL PAY ME *GRRRRRRRRRR* after I sit on the porcelain"

The three brothers yelled at Alain from outside the house, while he watched them through the window suffering, it was so amusing that his "Super Cool" brothers were begging for his mercy trying to contain the monsters inside.

The brothers were looking for some entrance that Alain had forgotten, but there was no such thing, in desperation, Blake had an idea:

Blake: "Guys I can't take it anymore *Started walking while undressing*"

Thomas: "Where are you going? *PPPFTFFTFTFT*"

He went to a small bush in front of his house and...

*PPFFTFTFTFTFFT* *PPSHSHPSSSSSSHHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHHSHSHSHSHSHFTTT* *QSHHQHQHHQSHQSHQSHQSHQSHSQ* *PFTFTFTFTFT* *PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS*

Tony: "WHAT THE!"

Blake: "Leaves are natural, not porcelain"

*PPFTTFTFTFTTFTFTFTFT* *SQHHSQHSHSHSQHSHSHSHSHQHHQSHSHSHS*

Thomas: "Leave me a place bro"

Blake: "There's always a place for the bro family"

Thomas began to undress until a few drops of diarrhea stained his shoes, which changed his mind to look for another alternative.

Thomas: "Maybe I can ask the neighbors to use their bathroom"

Blake: "You miss it *HSHQSHQHSHSHSQHSHSHSHSHSH*, hey Tony, do you want to come with me?"

Tony: "I'll find another *GRRRRR* entry"

The two brothers parted ways, Thomas stepped on the neighbor's lawn when he felt his diarrhea about to come out, he rang the doorbell hoping for some answer, a young boy opened the door and greeted him:

Neighbor: "Hi Thomas! What can I do for you?"

Thomas was surprised by the fact that his neighbor knew his name and he didn't know his neighbor's, but there was no time to ask.

Thomas: "Good afternoon Neighbor, this is embarrassing, but can I use your bathroom please?"

His neighbor couldn't believe it, the reason he knew Thomas' name, even though the two of them didn't socialize was because he was deeply in love with him, and that, overnight, the love of your life knocked on your door and asked to use your bathroom urgently was a stroke of luck that wasn't going to be wasted by him.

Neighbor: "Go ahead, the bathroom is on the second floor"

Thomas started to run, but his speed was cut short by the pain and the strength needed for his legs to contain the demons inside, with both hands he began to hold his stomach and began to bend slowly, the neighbor asked if Thomas was okay and with a tired and weakened voice said: "No"

*PFGTFTFTTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT* *QSHSHSHQHSHSHSQHQSHSHSHSHHS* *PFTFTTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTTTTTTTTTF* *RPPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT*

Thomas shit his pants at his neighbor's house, with his neighbor nearby staring at him, Thomas was embarrassed, sweating profusely and another seizure began:

*PRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPR* *PSPSPSSHSHSHSHSHSHHHHHHHHH* *PFTFTFTFTFT* *PPPFFTFTFTTFTFTFTFTFTF* *PPPPPSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS*

Thomas: "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to"

Neighbor: "No... Don't apologize, this can happen to anyone, and it doesn't bother me either..."

Thomas: "Oh... *PSHHSPSHSSHHPSHPSHSPHPHSHPSPHPHPHSSHHHHHHHHHHPRPRPRPR*"

Neighbor: "Don't worry, I'll help you clean up later, let me... Blow... to the bathroom..."

Thomas: "Thank you..."

While this was happening, Tony was desperate, he was about to take the free place of Blake's bush until he saw something peculiar, the window that looked into his parents' room was open, something that reminded him that when he and his brothers were looking, that window was totally closed, did Alain take pity on him?, one more growl alerted him and very carefully opened the window completely and entered as slowly as possible to Let nothing from the inside be expelled to the outside without warning.

He entered the silent room, ran to the half-open door of his parents' bathroom, the urgency was so great that he did not notice the smell of the room and neither did the fact that his father was sitting on the throne.

They were both frightened, Tony covered his eyes and wanted to leave the spacious bathroom until he was stopped by his father's voice:

Todd: "Son, why did you come in through the window?"

Tony: "The house was totally locked, so I decided to come in here and use your bathroom dad."

Todd: "And why not use yours?"

Tony: "That's what I'm going to do at this... *PFPFPPPFPFFTFTFTTFTTF* moment"

Todd: "Looks like your *PLOP* knows what happened to my laxative, huh?"

Tony: "Laxative!? *GRRRRRRRRR* that bastard... Aghhh I can't even take a step, I'm going to shit on the floor."

Todd: "Of course not, use this bathroom"

After a choppy fart, Todd got up from the toilet unashamedly showing off his long, hairy penis to his son Tony: "All yours champ."

Tony: "You're going to clean up... or?"

Todd: "I Still Feel Like My Stomach Is Still Cooking, I'm Not Going To Waste Paper"

Tony ignoring the image in his head of his father's stained buttocks, began to undress in embarrassment as he approached the toilet, the water was brown, in the center was a large sausage, apparently several days old in Todd's stomach, Tony uncomfortably sat his pale butt on the sweaty and hot toilet lid:

*PFFFFFFFFFFTFTFTFTTFTFTFTF* *QSHHSHSQHSHSQHHSQHSHSQH* *PLOP* *PLOP* *PLOP* *PRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPR* *PLOP* *PLOP* *PRRRRRRPSPSPSSSSSSSSSSS*

Tony: "AGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Todd: "You weren't lying about the urgency..."

Tony: "Not now, Dad..."

*PRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPR* *QSGQQSHHSQHHQSHQHHSQSQ* *PPFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTTFFF* *GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR*

Todd: "Not even I, who have been constipated, have come to that, you can be a champion!"

Tony: "I want to die..."

*PLOP* *PLOP* *PLOP* PPPPFFTFTTFTFTFTFTFTFPPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPPRPRPRP* *QSHHSQHSHSQHHSHHSHSQQH* *PPSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS*

After 5 minutes, Tony's stomach calmed down enough to leave his father's bathroom and continue in his own.

Todd: "Well done son, now save me a spot, I feel like I'm going to break your record in a few seconds."

Tony got up and didn't clean himself, he turned around and saw the mess, the brown soup increased in size where several sections had different consistencies, colors and smells, and from this stood out his father's sausage now bathed in Tony's diarrhea.

When Tony left the room he saw Blake waving at him from the window, Tony covered his crotch and opened the door for him:

Blake: "Did you shit on yourself? And how did you get in?"

Tony: "None of your business..."

Blake: "After Tony arrives, the three of us show Alain who he's playing..."

Finally, after 1 hour, Thomas arrived with clothes borrowed from his neighbor, he didn't want to talk to anyone and locked himself in his room.

P.S. This will be the story that starts the week-long daily story marathon.

#diarrhea #farts #coprophilia #desesperation #laxative #brownies #brothers

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spacemancharisma · 1 year

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was recently party to a Terrible Plumbing Incident, so here are some shame-free tips for people whose parents never taught them how not to wreck a toilet:

never flush anything other than toilet paper or like,, a single paper towel (this excludes tiny things like bugs and chewed gum)

this ^ does NOT exclude things like pads, tampons, diapers. tragically, sometimes bio waste has to be thrown away. just bag it up.

if you’re taking a huge shit, flush halfway through so there’s less risk of it clogging the pipes

additionally, flush before you wipe for the same reason, and if you’re using a ton of tp, you can flush in the middle of that too. remember- no matter what they taught you about water conservation when you were a kid, it’s always better to be the guy who flushed a weird number of times than the guy who blocked up the toilet

relatedly, you do not need mummy hand when you wipe. 4-5 squares should do it when you pee, and if it’s messier (poop, period, etc), use that amount and just repeat until clean instead of using one huge wad

bonus:

if you go to the bathroom and leave any visible residue, you have to clean it up. if it’s on the seat, wipe it off. if it’s in the bowl, look around for one of those gross little brushes and see if you can scrub it away.

similarly, you should clean your toilet with a brush and actual toilet cleaner every few weeks if not every week, because it holds all the gross stuff and also is wet, so mold loves it in there

if you’re having a huge shit, turn on the fan lol

also, if you were neglected as a kid and you have questions about “basic” stuff like hygiene, chores, etc. because no one ever taught you, and you’re too nervous/embarrassed to ask anyone irl, you are more than welcome to send me a dm or an ask and I will do my best to help 💜

#I have been in multiple close relationships with ppl who were neglected by their parents #and while my parents were awful they at least weren’t awful Like That #so I have a good knowledge base and I also understand not to blame or mock peoples ignorance #so anyway. my anons and messages are open ❤️#personal #unsanitary

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seat-safety-switch · 1 year

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I’m a plumber. My father was a plumber, his father was a plumber, maybe his father was a plumber. We don’t know for sure. Grandpa was eaten by a tiger working at the zoo that one fateful afternoon, but this story isn’t about that. Where I work is a little company called Fel-Pro.

Maybe you’ve heard of Fel-Pro. You probably use their products. They’re one of the pre-eminent gasket manufacturers of the 21st century. Wherever there’s two tubes in your car that have to have a nice tight seal against each other, chances are Fel-Pro sells something to replace that seal. Are they as good as factory? Experts employed by Fel-Pro mumble and change the subject. Here’s the important thing: they have money, and some of that money goes to feed my kids by way of me fixing their office plumbing once in awhile.

Now, it’s not all roses. My plumber and custodian buddies who work in other companies, they say that people mostly stay out of their way while they’re working. Maybe once in awhile, they’ll get a Super Dad who chats a bit about power tools, or asks some basic questions about their toilet at home, or doesn’t want to take responsibility for having left a cast-iron shit in the tank and then trying to cram it through the manifold using thirty pounds of toilet paper. The usual stuff, right?

At Fel-Pro, it’s different. These motherfuckers have opinions about plumbing, as you would expect from their careers. As soon as they hear even the smallest pinhole leak, the bathroom is filled wall-to-wall with engineers, trying to figure out if it’s a gasket interface issue. Once they realize it isn’t, they start discussing ways to make it a gasket issue.

Anything that leaks is caused by inferior gasketry, even if the pipe itself has split in the middle. They could solve that by making a sort of very long, pipe-shaped grommet gasket to replace the pipe entirely. Yeah, yeah. And then a bunch of these pencil-necks start climbing over top of me to take measurements with their Mitutoyo digital calipers, and video-chat with the toilet manufacturer’s engineers just to call them rookie-level chumps. All the while, the bathroom is slowly filling with water up to our waists, the water-shutoff valve having been removed years before to prevent these eggheads from being tempted to fuck with it.

As any professional would, I started ignoring them, but it turns out that showed up on my performance review. Everyone at Fel-Pro has to be vigilant against leaks, said my boss, a dour expression on his face. He thrust a diagram on how to apply the proper torque pattern to the wax seal of a toilet.

Don’t get me started on how angry they get when they see me using hardware-store silicone bathroom caulking to solve the problem. That’s not the ideal thermal interface, they moan, and start bringing out all kinds of high-zoot polymer compounds, emblazoned with safety warnings in Chinese. Those make the room spin pretty good, and sometimes they get worryingly hot on application, but I must admit they work a treat. One engineer brought me something he stole from a tour he took of NASA and told me to seal a leaking air conditioner drain with it. Well, mission accomplished, buddy: Jim, the custodian I share an office with, had to use a plasma cutter to remove it last week.

It’s gotten so bad that I’ve started only doing plumbing repairs in the middle of the night, when the engineers are likely to be at home, berating their spouses for daring to bring Scotch tape into their home.

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awoogayanderes · 2 months

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CHAPTER FOUR : NINE HOMO SAPIENS

➪ sypnosis : the nine of you come together for the first time to discuss the basics of this game

➪ other notes : i’m so sorry for the very late updates, it’s just been so hard to balance out my life lately and find inspiration to write, BUT I REFUSE TO LET THIS STORY DIE OUT !!! ( non edited sorry :P )

➪ between the floors masterlist

“sorry, do any of you know where I might happen to find a bathroom here ?” 3rd floor k-pop guy said. you didn’t need to go yesterday but right now, being able to just urinate would mean everything to you. “there’s no pisser,” 2nd floor blondie says. your eyes widen, do they just expect all of you to hold your bladder ? 2nd floor goes to the hot dog stand throwing a hotdog at third floor, but it was plastic.

2nd floor blondie goes to tap the other stands. “nothing is real, everything is plastic,” you walk up to the several stands just to confirm, she was right, everything was just fake, like a movie set. everyone checks a different area, no other doors opened, there was just nothing. “so does this mean the bathrooms are fake too ?” 3rd floor k-pop guy says. “i’m afraid so,” 7th floor glasses responds, sighing.

“It seems they must have removed the existing plumbing.” he continues. “what’s the point of putting so much effort in all of this if they can’t even provide basic plumbing for us,” you say, crossing your arms. “same goes for our uniforms, they look classy at first, but there's no real substance,” 7th floor says. “they could've at least given us real pockets, it’s so silly. they’re just outlines,” 5th floor says.

“i didn't know where to put my key so I thought maybe... sticking it in my boxers was the best choice for now.” you can’t help but smile at 3rd floor’s honesty. you had put your keycard in the strap of your bra.“but, uh, what do we do without toilets ?” 4th floor white knight asks. “you know, i figured we'd just be here for a day. So I bought those waste bags that campers and truckers use.” 1st floor says.

“You leave it in your room ?” 4th floor asks. “well, we can't take anything we buy in our rooms outside, so I guess so. so that means we'll just be buying them each day. plus, they all cost way more than normal,” that’s when your eyes widen. “wait you already bought stuff ?” you ask. “you haven’t ?” 8th floor ray of sunshine asks, his face in surprise. “no, i didn’t want to risk anything,” you respond.

there’s a sense of embarrassment you have, thinking that you had this game figured out, obviously not. “nevertheless, we might not have to follow that course of action. there is another way.” 7th floor says, looking at the clock behind him. "’items to be used outside the room can be purchased in the square via the intercom in the common area. a special rate will still apply.’ rule book, second paragraph, somewhere on the fourth page.” 7th floor continues.

did he…did he memorize the rule book ? “are you sure we should buy stuff together ? what if it's even more expensive in the square ? what’s the rate ?” 4th floor asks, it was a bit nerve-wracking. “we know that the rate in our rooms is multiplied by a hundred, which means the showrunners don't want us to access too many resources.” 7th floor replies, it’s almost eerie how he has this figured out.

“anything we buy in our rooms has to stay there, or we'll be penalized. and there's a big delivery chute here. therefore, i’m going to assume they want us to buy things together.” yeah, for sure eerie. “well, maybe we should buy something, then. it’ll be like a test.” 5th floor suggests. “do we have to ? i’m kind of scared. what if we pay a ton, but we don't realize it ?” 4th floor white knight replies.

“we could try something small, something you can find at a corner store,” you suggest. “how about we all take a vote on it ? it’s only fair. what do you think ?” 7th floor says, you nod in agreement. “why waste time doing a damn vote ? let’s just try it.” 8th floor ray of sunshine says, before any of us could react, he walks up to the phone. “malboro reds, down to the square. a lighter, too.” he says.

“what the hell ? the fuck you think you're doing, dude ?” 2nd floor speaks up. “what ? we were gonna buy shit anyway.” 8th floor ray of sunshine replies. you suck in a breath, scared of the outcome. just a few seconds later, the chute opens, revealing a lighter and a pack of cigarettes.“oh ! the time just went down. as soon as we got the pack, the scoreboard blinked, and it changed.” 1st floor says.

“how much did it go down ?” 7th floor asks. “it was 30 minutes, now it’s 28.” only two minutes ? “that means in the square, we purchase items with time itself, not money, like in our rooms.” 7th floor says. you partially regret not buying anything your first night. “how much do a pack of Marlboros and lighter ?” 7th floor asks. “five thousand. malboro reds are 4,500 won, a lighter is 500 won, so 5,000.”

3rd floor’s response was quick, he was probably a heavy smoker to remember the exact prices. well you had no right to judge. the group then discusses whether or not your personal money was spent. 4th floor white knight runs down the stairs, screaming “the price money’s the same !” you wonder if it would have made a huge difference, there was a ‘special rate’ but you hadn’t bought anything.

“then, using the share chute, we can buy everything we need,” 1st floor says. “and when the time runs out ?” 8th floor sunshine says as he started smoking his cigarette he had just bought. “i don’t think they’ll give us more time on a whim once we run out of it,” you say. “if we blow it all on shopping sprees, it’ll go too fast and the show’ll be over,” sunshine states. “that’s correct,” 7th floor says.

“…but when i look around and see the size of this place, and the prize money…i doubt they built all this just to kick us out after a day or two,” he continues. “rich people hate spending money, though.”whilst 2nd floor was right, money creates money. “but once you have everything you need and want in the world, what else can you spend money on ?” you ask. “shit. my ass is too poor to think that way,”

“first off, i think we should sit down as a group, and discuss what to buy, only the essentials okay ?” 7th floor diverts the attention back onto what’s important. seems like he’ll be the brains here. you want to die during the long minutes you guys discuss what to mutually buy. body lotion ? no. pillows ? no. pens and paper ? no. sanitary pads ? well that’s a necessity all women need.

“what about buckets ? they can be like makeshift toilets,” you propose. 7th floor looks at you before nodding. “i agree,” finally, you all decide the products you’d buy together. nine plastic buckets, nine rolls of toilet paper, five packs of pads, five garbage bags, five packs of cigarettes. “then these are our toilets ?” third floor asks. “yeah,” third floor runs off frantically.

and with that everyone scatters to their business, you’re immediately relieved when you urinate into the bright colored bucket. when you open your door and peek out, there’s no one outside. there’s almost an eerie feeling to it, none of you really knew what was going on. how is the group supposed to get more time ? you close the door, sighing. you look at your increasing scoreboard, time is money.

taglist : @thepinktiredfreak @xdarkestdesirex

#written by terra #sincerely terra #the 8 show #the 8 show x reader #7th floor x reader #philip yu x reader #k drama #korea drama

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cosmicalily · 9 months

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skz incorrects (but they're things my family has actually said)

i remember first making these when i started this blog...wanted to restart that bc they're very fun and lighthearted! also almost all the chris quotes are based off my dad...it's the aussie dad energy that just served too hard here

chris: well, it's an apartment building and everything's plumbed in, so you can't just swap out the shower and toilet bc you don't like the layout

felix: in the sims you could

jisung: bro look at how big those hedges are, they're like the size of a five story building

chris: i think that's because they're trees, champ

minho: okay elsa

jeongin: now i'm in the water

minho: okay ariel

minho: *points at a shop name in foreign language* hey bin what does that say

changbin: i don't know, what does it say?

minho: i don't know

jeongin: it was called something

seungmin: pretty sure everything's called something

minho: hyun go have a shower

hyunjin: oh has everyone else already had one?

minho: no everyone else has already had one

felix: my whole personality is miffy

seungmin: imagine your whole personality being a cartoon rabbit book written by a guy named dick

hyunjin: i don't really get jetlagged much.

chris: that's because the time zone difference every country you've visited is only like two hours, mate

changbin: what's jisung's idea?

chris: basically, it's child labour

changbin: that's illegal, jisung

jisung: hey!

changbin: not "hey", it's literally illegal

hyunjin: CHAN! jeongin keeps saying bakery bread would be nicer than my convenience store bought frying pan toasted bread!

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sreegs · 2 years

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i can't stress enough how much money you can save once you live in your own place by learning simple repair and DIY. since I live in the city, it's probably more common for me to encounter people who are actually fearful of picking up a drill and mounting something on their wall. however, it's so damn easy to do the absolute basics of home maintenance and DIY/hardware installation/just gotta mount something on the wall/whatever. do not think you can keep sticking things to the wall with blu-tack or tape, that shit does NOT last and you will ruin your walls with it

There's a MOUNTAIN of youtube videos that will literally save your life out there. Literally just search "this old house" and the subject you need, and you'll find the information you need. Does the video use words you don't understand? Google that and I guarantee you'll get videos that explain it. in detail. by very nice people.

even if you end up renting your whole life, you will eventually run into the need of fixing your toilet, replacing a light switch, mounting a TV on the wall, etc.

I don't want to turn this into a "home maintenance megapost" because it's hard to decide where to start and where to end. However, I have a few general tips and advice for you:

Safety first

should go without saying, but your most important tools are safety goggles, work gloves, ear plugs for loud things, and any other protective equipment that saves your eyes, fingers, etc. Even if a job is quick and simple, you have no idea when you might slip up and fling something into your eye, so just be safe every time and wear your gear.

Electrical stuff is not as scary as it looks

This is usually the most mortifying ordeal I hear from people. They're terrified of replacing a light switch. However, it's 100% foolproof to prevent yourself from being electrocuted. Apartments and houses have breaker boxes that completely shut off electricity to a circuit. All you have to do is turn on the switch/something in the outlet you want to mess with, switch off the circuit at the breaker, confirm the thing you need to repair/modify no longer functions because electricity is not flowing to it (the circuit breaker will have shut off the flow of electricity), then start your repair. Do not flip that circuit breaker back on until the job is done. That's it. Now, the details of the job are a whole other story, but wiring an outlet or a switch or a lamp is pretty darn simple. Again, youtube has endless tutorials.

You will be sloppy when you get started, just take your time

if you don't do this stuff for a living, it takes years of infrequent practice to finally get good at it. have drilled through interior walls to the other side a few times before I learned my lesson. the old adage "measure twice, cut once" is true. do it three times if you need to. and if you botch your wall drilling into it (you will botch your wall at some point) it's so easy to spot fix things like that. on the other hand, fragile stuff like plumbing need a gentle touch (i.e. some stuff you should only hand-tighten, because over-tightening can cause leaks). so it's best to take your time, check and re-check your work, and don't do something until you're confident you can do it. watch tutorials or ask a friend to help!

Use the right tool for the job

Good tools are pricey, but last way way longer and will not break on you in the middle of a job. Furthermore, it's a bad idea to force the use of a certain tool that doesn't do the job right. For example, you're trying to take something apart and you don't have the right type of screwdriver, but if you just, kinda like, wedge the bit in there... stop. Don't do it. You might end up stripping the screw, then you have two problems. Don't ever force something that's not the right fit. If it's not an emergency, it's better to wait till you have the right tool to fix it than to cut corners. Lastly, tools wear out, specifically tools that cut and drill, so you do actually need to replace those periodically

Stud finders don't work

except for that joke where you point it at yourself and it beeps and you say "yep, found a stud". that's the only time they work. If you need to find a stud, you might be lucky enough to be able to use a magnet to find the nails, but most of the time you're going to have to measure the distance from a corner (studs should be placed at a standard distance apart... however that has changed based on how old your house is). tbh this is a nitty gritty topic, and again, google some tutorial videos to help, but i just wanted to say don't waste your money on those studfinders

The type of material you're working with changes the tools you work with

There are specific tools and materials made to be used with other specific tools and materials. For example, with drills, you're going to run into different terms like "hammer drill" and "impact drill" or just a plain old "drill". Materials like concrete and brick need specific drill bits and high-powered drills like hammer drills in order to drill into them. However, a hammer drill will damage drywall and wood. Find out what your apartment or house is made of, and then figure out what tools you need to work with it.

I know this is kind of a scattershot post, and I will admit I'm definitely not an expert, but feel free to shoot me an ask about any of this and I'll try to answer

#diy #home maintenence #adult stuff

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