#posting this exclusively to attract femmes

[bigsoftbison]

[officialspec]

can you pleeeeease post your dm sexuality/gender hcs on here.... 🥺 i don't have a twitter but i wanna know. it's like a pandora's box to me now i'm like scratching at the door. let me in

heres the link 2 the thread (mild spoilers btw) ill post a transcript under the cut for ppl who dont have twitter

first off i think laios relationship to sex is super removed for like 50 reasons without even getting into his actual sexuality

he grew up in a place with very repressed ideas about sex and has a lot of fear about asserting his presence in situations

his special interest takes precedent over any social interactions he has and the level of closeness he feels towards people

he has a hard time figuring out his feelings towards other people both bc hes autistic and bc he has freaky deviantart fetishes that make sex in his mind a very abstract concept <- this one is me projecting mostly

that aside, i feel like gender-wise hes attracted to ppl so infrequently it may as well be entirely case-by-case

the idea of him being gay appeals to me from the 'raised with traditional values he Does Not fit into/hasnt begun to question it yet' perspective, i lauve characters who put a lot of stock into performing a role thats expected of them and fail miserably for unknown (gay) reasons

from his perspective tho i dont think he would ever really label himself anything. hes going to pride parades in the shirt+shorts Ally Fit to clap for his friends

hes also 'cis by indifference' imo... i love tmasc laios hcs it just doesnt mesh w his personal history to me. i do think hes got some kind of therian gender thing going on (not trans or nb but a secret third thing) but i cant see him changing anything abt his appearance/pronouns to accommodate that post-canon. hes just doin his thang

falin is in a similar boat for gender. i LOOVE tfem falin but the village repression thing has been bugging at me so i dont think i subscribe to it anymore (canon purist sorry) BUT if u hold that hc i am clapping and cheering regardless

instead i was propagandised to a while back and i LOVEEE the idea that being fused w a male dragon and the residual traits she has after being revived have given her a type of gender euphoria she didnt realise she was missing. a little boygirl swagger if u will

sexuality-wise i also dont think she would care to label herself, shes a lesbian by virtue of only being interested in One woman and zero other people. without marcille i do think shes still exclusively attracted to women, and i like to imagine she might experiment around a bit during her travels post-canon (pre-relationship). hearing abt it might put marcille on the news though

marcille is very simple That is a transfem lesbian. she cant get pregnant, shes obsessed w being femme and all that combined w her half-tallman struggles to be seen as 'properly feminine' by elf standards reads very transfeminine to Me. also her bookboy crush REEKS of comphet its not subtle

i think a more comfortable marcy might have the space to experiment w being elf butch like her manga boys but thats mainly self indulgence for me. utena could have saved her

senshi is gay his whole thing is abt not being able to perform dwarven masculinity to a proper standard (soft hearted, not as strong or rugged as his peers) which is like gaycoding 101. also hes a bear. homosexuality be damned by boy can work a grill

adding onto this i rly think senshi got some type of euphoria from being an elf in the changeling chapters. he was feeling himself so much i think he was using it as an outlet to have fun being a little fem and fruity without needing to justify it. do u understand

i dont have any particular opinions abt him gender-wise beyond that. his bulge is an essential part of his character design but i also saw a transmasc senshi a couple days ago that made me nod my head thoughtfully so i could go either way

chilchuck is cis and bisexual this is just canon. not even just his old man crush on senshi altho i do think thats very funny but they put his ass on a cover themed like hes in a dating sim with all the men and women in the cast and then slapped it in front of a chapter called "bicorn". i simply cant pass up that kind of overt signaling. its so fucking funny what else is there to say truly

izu to ME is a transmasc aroace lesbian (this one has the least basis in canon i just know it to be true) shes a little genderfluid with it nd uses he/she i think. i like to imagine she consistently uses masculine personal pronouns to refer to herself either way tho (boku, ore)

i think izutsumis gender/sexuality is entirely secondary in priorities to her body dysphoria. she has a lot of learning and acceptance 2 do before that kind of self discovery is on the docket and in my mind eschewing gender on some level is part of that. get sillay

shuro is cishet but at least he feels bad about it. next

kabru is a transmasc bisexual this is also practically text. his whole thing of being treated like a doll by milsiril to put in pretty dresses, plus i think it would be pretty easy for him to stealth in the west since tallmen are seen as inherently more masculine than elves

(i also think changing genders is just more common for elves. theyre androgynous enough that it wouldnt be hard and like who in their right miiiiind would be the same gender for 500 years. dwarves too)

i think he started presenting as male socially in the west but didnt need to consider medical transition until he moved to a more mixed culture where other races might see him as a woman

i dont have to explain the bisexual part. have u seen him

namari is a butch bisexual this is just canon straight up. shes not transmasc but i think the default settings for dwarven women is like 4 years of T regardless. shes a hit at all the local cruising spots despite her renfaire nerdisms i know this

and just bc im thinking abt em kiki and kaka are identical and kiki is tfem :} theyre both attracted to women but kaka is a sub so i forgive him

THATS ALL 4 NOW theres a lot of characters so i cant have thoughts abt all of them at once but i hope this was good. im right about everything forever as per usual

[chainmail-butch]

Okay, this is my last post about the Present Discourse but defining Lesbianism in relation to men really seems to run entirely against the grain of being a lesbian. If someone is a bisexual lesbian then that means they're a bisexual lesbian. And, not to put words in other peoples mouths, they're not concerned with men.

They're Lesbians. That's why they're using the word lesbian, why is that a problem.

Two dykes can fuck each other and simultaneously admire a man's ass.

If your beef is 'we need our own special word' then grow the fuck up. Your special word is lesbian. Its right there. No one is adulterating it. It means women that fuck women. There are Dykes, there are Bulldaggers, there are Butches, there are Studs, there are Femmes, there are He/Him Lesbians. Not all lesbians have vaginas. Not all lesbians are women. And in that same vein not all gay men have cocks and not all gay men are men. We (Dykes) aren't special and we aren't excluded from fluidity.

And also sexuality and queerness don't need to be firmly defined. I was ace for a while, now I might not be ace. Shit changes. Hell, I was a guy for 23 years. Shit can and does change over the course of someone's life.

If you're main beef with bisexual lesbianism is the fact that these women have the capacity to be attracted to men then maybe chill. They're lesbians. That's why they're using the word lesbian. If you're worried that Bisexual Lesbians will somehow compromise "The Sexuality" in the face of the straights then I don't know what to tell you.

Respectability politics never win. Exclusion is never the right choice. There are Bisexual Lesbians in this world, no amount of whining is going to change this fact.

[flightlessangelwings]

I know there’s other posts out there but I wanted to make a comprehensive post about being completely inclusive when writing reader inserts. Everyone has their own perspective and ideas so I wanted to share my thoughts and tips that I use myself when I’m writing. Of course I most likely forgot things as well so feel free to add on if you think of something I missed and I’ll add it to the list here!

Quicke note before we get to it: if you spot something on this list that you’ve done before, don’t beat yourself up about it. We all slip up and make mistakes. Just learn from it and keep it in mind for the future! As readers, we understand that it’s near impossible to include every single individual that could possibly read your work, but the point is to be as inclusive as possible with your writing.

Under a cut for length and to make sure you always see the most updated list when you click on it! Reblogs are very much appreciated too, especially if you’re a writer so we can all learn and grow and be better!

~

Labeling your reader (a guide to terminology)

Gender neutral (gn)- no pronouns, no gendered nicknames, no mentions of genitals

Assigned female at birth (afab)- no pronouns, no gendered nicknames, reader usually has a vagina

Assigned male at birth (amab)- no pronouns, no gendered nicknames, reader usually has a penis

Female/fem/f- she/her pronouns, traditionally femme nicknames, reader usually has a vagina

Male/m- he/him pronouns, traditionally masc nicknames, reader usually has a penis

Non-binary (nb)- usually they/them pronouns, reader can have either a vagina or a penis

Quick note: terminology changes often and as far as I know this is the most up to date on being inclusive with labeling readers. If it changes or if anyone has suggestions I’ll update this.

If you do want to assign your reader character some type of label, please tag it appropriately. Lots of poc writers like to write black, Latine, Asian, etc readers for example. Or other examples are plus size reader, short reader, tall reader, nerdy reader, shy reader, sporty reader, etc.

Don’t be afraid to write a trans character too! Trans characters can have either the opposite genitalia from their birth assignment or the same, everyone is different! There’s a big lack in trans reader representation!

Please note too that just because reader is labeled one way does not necessarily mean they are cisgender. People can be non-binary and use she/her or he/him pronouns. There’s no need to label your reader as cis at all

And please don’t label your readers' sexuality as straight. Bi/pan/demi/queer people can be attracted to a male character but that does not mean they are exclusively into men. It alienates queer readers.

~

Inclusive with skin tones

Please do not use “blush” or “flush” or anything like that! I know that’s one of the top issues when being inclusive with skin tones. But those words have the connotation that the skin turns red or pink, and while everyone is capable of their skin warming, it doesn’t always show the same especially on darker skin. Instead, try something like “you felt your skin heat up” or “your palms felt sweaty” or “you felt flustered.” Focus more on the emotions and what reader is feeling or thinking or physically reacting rather than saying reader blushed.

Be careful when describing bruises or injuries. Not all bruises get bright red for example. Instead, try mentioning blood stain, swelling, or just use “discolored” or “beat up” or something like that.

Not everyone’s skin turns red when slapped so just avoid “your skin reddened” altogether.

Not everyone has pink nipples, just skip describing the color altogether

Or pink lips. Again just skip the color description

While all skin is able to get burned, not everyone’s skin turns red/pink from being in the sun. Instead use more feeling descriptors like “your skin felt hot from the sun” or even describing peeling would be ok.

Don’t say that reader looks like an established character.

“Knuckles turned white” doesn’t happen with everyone so just leave it out. Focus more on muscles straining or something instead.

Avoid the phrase “you look white as a ghost” when referring to reader.

If you want to mention makeup, just leave it general and don’t specify colors or shades or anything like that. Not all shades show up the same on all skin tones.

Overall, it’s best to just avoid skin tone indicators and anything describing color on the skin. That simple thing makes a world of difference in inclusivity. The more you do it, the easier and more natural it’ll feel until it’s second nature! Your readers will be extremely appreciative of it!

~

Inclusive with hair

Not everyone can run their fingers through their hair. Textured/curly hair gets caught or someone may not have hair long enough (or any hair) to run their fingers through.

Instead, try something like “fiddled with your fingers/ear/clothes”

Not everyone has hair long enough to tie up/back so it’s best to just not mention it at all. Your reader can just imagine how they want their hair for the scene.

If you want a more formal look, just “you styled yourself nicely” something like that is enough.

Some people enjoy hair pulling in sex, some don’t. Hair touching can be very upsetting for some people, especially people of color. If you want to include it, just make sure to add it in the tags/warnings so readers are aware before they get into it

~

Inclusive with language

Please don’t assume your reader doesn’t speak Spanish! (This is aimed mostly at those who write Latino characters because I see this a lot)

If a character is speaking Spanish, you can either use italics to indicate the language change or provide a translation right there. Avoid adding “you didn’t understand” with that.

Instead you can use something like “you didn’t hear” so your reader can interpret for themselves if it’s because they don’t understand or they simply didn’t hear.

Or use phrases like “he said X in Spanish” for either praises, curses, etc. it leaves it more open for all readers.

I know it’s tempting but please don’t use google translate to write in another language. It’s fine or a word or a phrase but when it goes into full sentences then it gets a little funky. Try consulting with a native speaker if you can!

When writing in Spanish, please note that n and ñ are not interchangeable!

~

Inclusive with body shape and size

Don’t assume your reader is thin or short and the character can easily pick them up or toss them around. If you want to specify a short reader, please tag it.

Also the opposite: done assume reader is taller than a character too!

If you want character to pick up reader, please include it in your warnings.

Limbs generally don’t weigh as much so something like “he hiked you leg over his shoulder” while laying down is more inclusive (I’m short and can pick up limbs from my clients at my day job so trust me your leg itself doesn’t weigh a lot)

Avoid “you got up on your tiptoes to kiss him” because not everyone is short. Instead just say “leaned over/in to kiss” or “angled yourself to kiss” something more generalized

Usually describing a hug/holding reader/cuddling is fine but don’t get overly specific on how much a character is able to wrap their arms around the reader and fit their arms fully around reader. Writing a tight embrace or an engulfing hug should still be fine since it can be a show of emotions.

Wearing a characters clothes. Not everyone can fit their fav’s size and not everyone will “drown in his shirt.”

Again the opposite is true too: not everyone has curves or thick thighs or big breasts or a big ass. Plus size and curvy readers are important to write too since representation is lacking, but just be sure to tag it properly!

~

Inclusive with background in general

For this section, the goal is more to be aware of certain things and to be sure to include proper tags and warnings more than avoiding things completely. Readers understand that there is the element of fantasy in reading fanfiction but sometimes a certain aspect can be triggering or upsetting or can knock the immersion out so it just important to be aware and have tags and warnings before your fic!

Be careful when describing readers family because that can be hard for some readers. Not everyone has a good relationship with their family. Yes sometimes a backstory is needed for plot and people can pretend for the sake of the story. Just be sure to include in your warnings for the story, especially if it’s either a really good or really bad relationship.

If you’re making up family members for reader, be it siblings or kids, try to be aware of what their names are. Typically white names won’t fit every background so just be aware of that. Or try just using nicknames instead!

Religion. Just don’t mention it at all unless it’s properly tagged and warned for.

Around the holidays especially, Christmas fics are very popular but please be aware that not everyone celebrates the same holidays! Be sure to tag and warn for any holidays that they could be celebrating. And please don’t write Jewish characters celebrating Christmas.

Don’t make your reader biologically related to a white character. If you absolutely want to, there’s options like step family, adopted, childhood friends that are closer than family, etc.

Reader’s job is usually something you have more leeway with in order to fit your story but just be sure to tag it appropriately. Disabled readers for example can’t always imagine themselves in certain jobs so it’s just something to keep in mind.

When creating a backstory for reader, try to think outside your own experience and make sure it’s not something that poc readers can’t relate to or wouldn’t have had the same experience from. If you’re unsure just put it in the tags/notes beforehand.

This one is more aimed at Americans but please remember that not everyone reading lives in the US. Sometimes yes, a setting is necessary, but please be open to the fact that people from all over the world read fics. If it’s set in the US, especially when the canon setting is elsewhere, please note it beforehand.

There’s really no need to give your reader an age as it can alienate a lot of readers. Sometimes it can be inferred through context but I find that outright giving reader a specific age is very excluding. There are plenty of people in fandom who are not in their 20s so please don’t assume everyone reading is. And it sends a message to anyone in their 30s or older that they don’t belong when every other fic is a very young reader character. Obviously don’t write smut about minors too but that should go without saying.

If you’re at the point where your reader has a name, it’s no longer a reader insert but an original character. Nicknames or code names are totally fine, but please don’t give reader a name.

And if you are writing an oc, please keep it out of the reader tag. Use the oc tags.

~

Inclusive with art and moodboards

Please include poc when making moodboards for your fics!! I know from personal experience it can be hard to find the right pic you want, but I promise with some digging it’s possible.

Follow models of color pages here on tumblr, there’s unsplash, Pinterest (I know it’s not the best site but I have found a lot of poc pics there) and other sites too. Curate pictures to save for later when you can!

When it comes to art for reader insert fics, please don’t default to a white woman all the time. It’s disheartening to see white women used for “reader” in 90% of art or more. It makes poc feel like they aren’t welcome and that it isn’t meant for us. My personal opinion is that reader should be just a shadowy figure or outline or something vague like that. Or use a few different body types and skin tones.

~

General inclusive tips

These aren't specific to skin tone or anything but rather little things that can help your reader feel more immersed in your story in general. I know some writers have a specific image in mind when writing but these are little things I’ve noticed that can knock the fantasy out for me so I wanted to share some thoughts and pointers. These are lower pressure points and not as big a deal but I did want to include them anyway.

Instead of specifying food or drink, write something like “your favorite (whatever)” or don’t even mention what they make or eat. Just say they made something or they ate something, your readers can fill in for themselves that’s on the plate

If a character buys reader flowers or something, don’t specify the flower. Either leave it vague or use “your favorite flowers”

Instead of a specific outfit, leave it vague or don’t mention at all. Sometimes a certain kind of outfit is required for situations (like a formal event or ball or something), but even then you can use something like “a gown in your favorite color” or “a formal outfit that flattered you well.”

Adding on with the clothing point: please tag if you’re describing clothing in a fantasy type setting. While clothing itself has no gender, sometimes trans and nb people can get hit with dysphoria if you’ve got reader wearing a skirt or something like it with no warning. Either just leave it out, leave it vague, or warn for it!

In the case of an AU or a fantasy setting you have more wiggle room with clothing but still try to leave it more vague if possible.

Same with shoes. Not everyone likes/can wear heels so keep that in mind

~

To wrap up, please be aware when writing your reader inserts. It’ll get easier with practice the more you consciously do it! And please listen to poc writers/readers when we ask for inclusivity! And support writers of color too! Thank you for reading and taking it all in because I know this was a lot!

[hornytome]

Hello everyone!! Finally time for an update. I’ve put it off because of nerves too long.

So, basically: I’m not a butch lesbian (anymore)! I’m actually bi and transmasc.

Shockingly, my girlfriend is no longer a femme lesbian either! She’s also bisexual. Still a girly girl though.

We both went through a parallel simultaneous journey of discovering we’re bi.

It’s as upsetting as it sounds!! Will not lie!

She calls me her boyfriend now and our sex revolves around penetrative sex. We have a realistic cock and I’m trying constantly to find a new more realistic one.

We haven’t actually slept with a man quite yet, though. We may never, to be honest.

There was… A guy… We both struggled immensely with our attraction to him, and our OCD played a large part in that. We both got over it and realized we definitely have a crush on him. That’s… simmering away right now. No idea where it’s going to go. He’s a good guy.

This has fundamentally changed our view of monogamy. We’re still prescribing to the concept of monogamy, and I suppose our rule is that if we’re both interested in the same person, then we don’t mind too much.

So, I guess I should explain why I was dragging my feet. Hornytome took off way more than I ever expected it to. I gained a massive wlw and lesbian following, and I’m so proud of who’ve I’ve brought together and modeled healthy love for.

For a long time, I identified as a lesbian, and that felt like my authentic self. I wasn’t lying to anyone, or misconstruing truths. In making this blog, I wished to explore my lesbianism. In living and growing beside this blog, I discovered a lot more.

So, to be very clear, I’m bisexual, transmasc, and a lot happier than when I started this blog. My attraction to women is gay, and my attraction to men is ALSO gay. Beat that!

That leaves me with a conundrum then. What to do with my blog? I’d love to keep posting, but a vast number of you are wlw. Perhaps I could stick to talking about Edith and I on this blog?

No matter what happens, this is no longer specifically a lesbian blog. And I’m sorry if that disappoints some of you. I really, really am. But being dishonest to myself helps no one. You haven’t lost a comrade, you gained one!

So. That’s why I’ve been gone! 6+ months of processing a major life change. I want to get back into stories. Maybe shoot me some ideas 🌝

Anyways! I’m going to be tagging this with old and new tags, just to reach as far as possible.

Edit: Also: stories will not revolve exclusively around men!! I like fucking my girlfriend a whole lot!

[cock-holliday]

That post? The one about wild attraction and separating masc/fem from man/woman. I've never been able to put into words. But, like shit, man yeah! I struggled with that for so long and realizing that's not a exclusively bi experience is so eye opening for me. I don't know, but I've been rotating that post around in my mind for days.

Yeah! It’s a wild situation. I’ve found that I really like queerness in others. Yeah being GNC in a masc woman/femme man sort of way but then discovering queer masculinity in men?? Queer femininity in women??? Androgyny as a seeming LACK of sex characteristics? Androgyny as an ABUNDANCE of sex characteristics?

Even before I realized my gender was fucky I’d be looking at a partner that made us “””straight-passing”” and be like this is sooo supremely gay though, how is that?

Queerness is not an inverse of heteronormativity, it is…something else entirely, and it fuckin rocks!

Glad the post resonated with you. <3

[genderkoolaid]

Saw that post you reblogged where someone had said that there's a problem with masculinity being centered in queer spaces (I'm heavily paraphrasing I'm sure) and it made me completely roll my eyes.

I go to a queer group irl, and in no way are men or masculinity centered, in fact it's often implied that we aren't welcome.

Me and another gay guy were making dicks out of clay (because what else would you do with clay) and the woman who runs the group said "I thought you lot were supposed to be gay" in reference to us making dicks, as if two men making dicks somehow isn't gay.

One of the other women who runs it is a lesbian and whilst we were making the dicks she was loudly voicing how much she hates dicks, and I know if the roles were reversed and she were making a vagina I would be (rightfully) shunned for going on about how i don't like vaginas.

It ends up feeling like the men are sidelined, and stated attraction to men is often responded to with things like "Ew men" which just makes it feel like an environment that doesn't want me and men like me.

Maybe some online queer groups are more male centered, but in general I've seen the opposite both online and offline

To be fair, historically most queer spaces (especially white ones) have been largely centered around cis gay men, and I'm sure there are spaces today in which cis gay men are still the ones being catered to, to the exclusion of other queer people.

But this is also a problem that's been being pointed out for a while. & from what I've seen & heard, a lot more queer spaces now have responded to this with "manhood and masculinity in queer spaces is Bad, and womanhood and femininity is Good and Better." & i'm very certain that this can be traced back, at least in part, to radical feminism & its impact on queer women's spaces. & thats also why we have a problem in queer spaces having a (spoken or unspoken) You Must Be This Femme To Enter rule, almost always judged by cis femme women, where any person who is read as Too Masc and/or Too Male for any reason is suspicious and untrustworthy. Its almost like changing one black-and-white worldview for another doesn't actually improve things overall.

[shelaghdette]

theory: trixie franklin is a lesbian

alright, this one may prove slightly controversial, but please bear with me! i've always taken the view that trixie is bi, but thinking about it more, i've come to a different conclusion.

glossary -

wlw - woman loving women, a blanket term for any woman who is attracted to women.

sapphic - another blanket term for femmes who are attracted to femmes, arguably more inclusive than wlw - here used interchangeably with the above.

lesbian - a woman or femme who is exclusively attracted to other women or femmes.

bisexual - a person who is attracted to two or more genders.

a note on compulsory heterosexuality -

before you read this, if you don't already, it's probably best to understand the concept of compulsory heterosexuality, or comphet.

this is when societies (like most in the world, even in the modern day) enforce the normalisation of heterosexual love and relationships, to the point that lgbt people feel pushed towards straight-passing relationships when they may be happier in a queer relationship.

comphet applies to all genders and queer sexualities, but today i'm going to be discussing it specifically in the context that it impacts lesbian women.

relationships with women -

full disclosure - i am a trixadette shipper (i think i might've even invented the ship). i have analysed quite a number of scenes from the first two seasons where trixie and sister bernadette interact, and there doesn't appear to be much in the way of heterosexual explanation for their behaviour towards each other. that in itself deserves its own post, and will get one in due course.

my theory that trixie is attracted to women mostly stems from her interactions with sister bernadette, and later shelagh. there are a few longing looks, some flirtatious body language and just a general air of gals who are a bit more than pals.

however, aside from this, trixie never appears happier than when she interacts with other women. she seems to gain the most fulfilment from her relationships with her female friends, far more than she does with the men in her life. barbara and valerie are prime examples of this.

prior to realisation of being sapphic, it's very common for wlw to experience intense attachment and deep love for female friends. this can truly be just platonic, or it can be a crush that is so repressed that it presents as overwhelming platonic love.

"attraction" to men -

ever since the first season, trixie has been presented as the "boy crazy" girl. she often talks about men, but if you actually watch her behaviour, she rarely pursues any particular man. additionally, closeted queer people may often overcompensate for their insecure identities by putting forward a highly straight image.

it's extremely common for lesbians who are experiencing comphet to fantasise about an abstract concept of a relationship with a man, but not have much idea of WHO that man might be. in the early seasons, when she DOES pursue a man, it is with an ulterior motive (getting that actor to be a judge for the baby show) and it ends disastrously for her.

when she does eventually get into relationships with men, it is because they pursue her. it happened with all three of her relationships we've seen on the show - tom, christopher and matthew. i do not personally think trixie showed any interest in them prior to them showing interest in her, but YMMV.

image consciousness

it's very telling that, during her AA meetings, trixie speaks at length about her ability to put on a show to please others around her. obviously, she talks about this in the context of placating her mentally ill and alcoholic father, but this skill from childhood has been highly transferable to her adult life too.

trixie is extremely good at putting on a front and looking well put together, even during her worst moments. when she was relapsing, she hid it well until her secret was unwittingly revealed to phyllis by a patient. the girl can lie and lie, but it's all a defense mechanism.

trixie clearly struggles with a view that she must be seen as perfect at all times. it's easy to see how, if she was a lesbian, this would not fit into the image she tries to display to others. i believe that part of her striving for perfection includes wanting a relationship with a man. this leads me into my next point.

cultural context

it probably goes without saying, but the 1960s was not an easy time to be a sapphic woman, especially if you weren't attracted to men. we just need to look at the story of patsy and delia to see how the show acknowledges this. comphet is still a problem we face today, in the year of our lord 2024, but it was absolutely rampant in those days. female lgbt behaviour was never criminalised like male homosexual acts, but it was harshly viewed. wlw faced a lot of the same challenges as mlm, as well as their own unique struggles when homophobia is coupled with misogyny.

marriage to a man and child-bearing were still considered the most important things a woman could do in that era. and by the time trixie gets into a relationship with matthew, she is approaching her mid-30s. in that time, trixie would have already been considered "on the shelf." the show really implies this by her becoming a lot more focused on her search for a husband in later series, like when she joins the marriage bureau.

relationships with men

i won't say much about tom, but trixie makes no bones about it when she told him he and barbara are much better suited. there's a real notion that trixie feels out of place in her relationship with tom, and ultimately she breaks it off when she realises she couldn't be happy with him in the long term.

this continues into her relationship with christopher. i really like christopher, and i think trixie does too. by far, he is the person who treats her the nicest out of the three men she has had major relationships with. however, even then, she doesn't seem entirely comfortable, and breaks it off when she fears how intimate the relationship has become. i think the situation with alexandra is mostly an excuse for her fear of commitment to a man.

i also want to talk about sex (minors, cover your ears) when i mention christopher. he's the first man she is ever implied to have slept with, and she agonised over it for a very long time before she makes the decision to do it. some people read this as her being asexual (which she still could be, even as a lesbian!), or just "proper" for the era, but opinions vary. i view it as her having no sexual attraction to MEN.

finally, matthew. oh, matthew. he makes me so very angry.

matthew and trixie essentially traumabonded over the death of his first wife, and she is a good supportive presence to him raising his son in her capacity as a midwife. i think the convenience of him showing interest in her, coupled with her recent anxiety about find a partner, created the situation where they eventually married.

and she still isn't happy. when the new pupil midwives arrive and trixie hears them having fun with nancy, she looks really sad and lost, and my heart just breaks for her. it's a sign that she regrets leaving the lifestyle she loves for a life of domestic "bliss".

when they had their argument about trixie's work, it's very telling that her immediate response was to retreat back to her safe place of nonnatus house for half the week. trixie feels the most secure when she is among women, this is shown time and time again.

this was super long winded and possibly a ramble, but these are my thoughts on her. if you made it to the end, here's my favourite happy video edit of trixie and shelagh. i'll probably make a whole post about why i ship them next.

[deardarlingdevil]

I'm happy that BG3 received the Best Community award in the Golden Joystick Awards! At the same time, from experience, while the corner I found in the fandom is a great community, there's still a lot of toxicity and issues in the fandom that I want more people to acknowledge. So once again I am bringing up the moralistic double standards I see in the fandom. I think I touched upon this in a separate analysis about romance options but I want to make a separate post for the fandom issues.

Astarion will be my prime example and his Ascended route in particular. With female characters such as Lae'Zel, Shadowheart, and Minthara, you don't see as much policing from the fandom when players make them take the darker routes to their story arcs. I never saw people shaming other players for encouraging Shadowheart to become a Dark Justiciar, so on and so forth.

Meanwhile, people, particularly cishet men, shit on women and queers simply for liking Astarion. The same unwashed assholes who talk about how SH is their edgy Sharran waifu or how Minthara is dommy mommy are the same folks who will deride Astarion girlies (gender neutral) and intentionally try to provoke them by saying things like "oh I killed him on sight hurr durr" or claiming that "females" have no "morals" because of their choice of videogame men.

Sadly, it's not the cishet men who do this too. I've seen unhinged opinions from folks who use the semblance of social justice to bully other fans for enjoying "problematic" content. I've seen queer folks say things like "women who enjoy Astarion's ascended route should be euthanized". I don't like the Ascended romance route either but that's a personal preference and I'll just simply live and let live + curate my space if such content manages to come across my social media feeds instead of making batshit takes. Like, chill, please.

And speaking of the Ascended route, people automatically assume that the player is romancing him while taking the Ascended route and assuming that the players are reducing him to a sexual object. It's almost as if players can choose not to romance him and still let him ascend for other reasons. What's worse is even one of the writers expressed a similar sentiment, which I admittedly agreed with until I read other players' thoughts about the Ascended route and how they do acknowledge that Astarion gaining such power does perpetrate a cycle of abuse for the character, but can be cathartic to the players who experienced something similar but cannot or will not act on in real life.

Of course, I have to bring up Raphael too. I've seen people thirsting for femme fiends like Mizora and fem!Haarlep and no one bats an eye. But with people thirsting for Raphael, there will always be that one cishet man who will take Haarlep's, a character who hates Raphael because he essentially uses him/her/them as a fleshlight, words at face value to point out his inadequacies and oddities in the bedroom, as if that will make the character less attractive to his fans. On the other side of the spectrum, there is sadly a small but vocal corner of the queer BG3 community who are biphobic and would shame women and other queers, especially femmes, because they exclusively want to ship Raphael with Haarlep's male form.

Once again, I'm not throwing my fellow sapphics under the bus, but the amount of vitriol femmes and queers receive for wanting to explore darker themes with male characters is disproportionate compared to fans who took the darker route with the female characters.

Yes, the BG3 community is a great community in general, but misogyny and biphobia is still alive and well in certain pockets of the fandom. Sigh.

[seeingteacupsindragons]

I’ve been thinking about the way a lot of younger/newer queer people and LGBTQIAP+ people think of labels as restrictive with one definition and that’s what it means and there’s no overlap between them.

And I feel like this comes from not understanding that these words are not just descriptions of someone, but communities. They think of them like…tags on a social media post. If you tag a post with a certain show and then don’t talk about the show, people might get mad. But “Lesbian” isn’t just a word for “Woman who is exclusively attracted to women” that helps people identify content/people about that. It’s a word for a community. It’s a word for a subculture. It’s a word for a place that center’s women’s love for women.

A woman who has identified as a lesbian for ten years isn’t necessarily going to stop thinking of herself or calling herself one just because she’s realized her partner who she still loves is actually a trans man. She has been in the lesbian community for a decade, participating in education, outreach, art, social gatherings—for ten years. That doesn’t go away just because of something that a lot of people in the queer community would consider a minor, fluid detail of someone’s gender.

Someone who thought they were trans for a few years and then detransitioned when they realized they actually aligned better with the gender they were assigned at birth doesn’t necessarily stop being part of the trans community—especially if they’re out there helping eggs understand gender better, and explaining why they thought they might be trans, and why they decided they actually align better with the gender other people always thought they were. God, that’s useful information, and they’re helping further the trans cause!

A cis man who’s attracted solely to women, but enjoys exploring the drag community and participating in it may well still be part of the queer community.

A “femme” might be an effeminate man or a lesbian who presents as a “traditional” woman or a nonbinary person who enjoys femininity. Believe it or not, those words can describe a group of people who are connecting over those traits.

Those community ties, the people and culture and society they’ve always been a part of don’t just…go away. They mean more than just their dictionary definition.

And dictionaries often have multiple definitions of a word anyway.

These words...aren't content labels. They aren't tags or tropes or metadata for an algorithm. They're communities full of people.

[eldorr]

Flowerbed Lesbian

Plain flag (left), Flag with stripe meanings (right)

This term/flags were originally posted June 5th, 2022.

Last year or so (actually around 2 years now upon re-posting) I made my own take on the lesbian/gay/vincian/enbian flags since I am critinclus/radinclus. However one of the two posts detailing these flags was lost, so I am remaking/renaming them, along with simplifying and cleaning up some stripe meanings.

The original flags I made were 9 stripes, and I didn’t like the way I simplified them into 5 stripes, so I’ve decided to make a simple 6 stripe one. Some of these flags will look very similar to the ones I originally did, and some will look way different.

This flag is coined as a Lesbian flag, however anyone who is Q4W (Queer for Women), WLW/NBLW/WLNB/NBLNB, or identifies their attraction to women as queer regardless of their own gender or other attractions. (Basically anyone who feels like a lesbian, but may not 100% identify with the lesbian label for any reason, is allowed to use this flag, as long as they recognize it as the Flowerbed Lesbian/Q4W flag. You could call yourself Flowerbed Sapphic/Bi/etc in order to make that connection.)

This flag stands for inclusion and solidarity within the Lesbian community, and between the Lesbian community, other Q4W communities, and other non-primarily Q4W Queer communities (Vincians/Enbians/etc). Generally just look at the stripe meanings if you want the general idea, I go into more detail for my reasoning below each meaning. This is a LONG POST.

.

The Stripe meanings:

Top/Vibrant Deep Purple: Aspec Lesbian, Monospec Lesbian, and Mspec Lesbian inclusion and solidarity.

The Flowerbed Lesbian flag is radically inclusive of Aspec and Mspec lesbians, due to exclusionists in the community attempting to push them out. Monospec Lesbians should have solidarity with Aspec and Mspec lesbians.

—

Second Stripe/Vibrant Velvet Magenta: Multigender Lesbian, Genderfluid Lesbian, Genderflux Lesbian, Monogender Lesbian, Xenogender Lesbian, Agender Lesbian inclusion and solidarity.

Of course these are not the only genders included under this stripe, however these are some of the more excluded and misunderstood from general lesbian spaces, so they’re here to explicitly say they’re included under this flag. Monogender Lesbians should stand with Lesbians with more complicated gender identities.

—

Third Stripe/Cardinal Pink: Pronoun-Non-Conforming Lesbian, Gender-Non-Conforming Lesbian, Pronoun-Conforming Lesbian, Gender-Conforming Lesbian Inclusion and Solidarity

This stripe is obviously here due to the whole “masc = bad” mentality that is rampant in lesbian and otherwise queer spaces. This stripe is for explicit inclusion of he/him, they/them, it/its, neopronoun, nounself, emojiself lesbians, and lesboy, masc, transmasc, carnatian, lavenderian, kiwi, transneu, transxen, xenic, amaranthian lesbians. Gender and Pronoun conforming lesbians should include and have solidarity with non-gender/pronoun conforming lesbians.

—

Fourth Stripe/Hot Pink: Lesbian and Non-Lesbian Q4W inclusion and solidarity

This stripe is here to include non-lesbian Q4W in lesbian spaces, conversation, etc. This stripe stands for and includes anyone who has Queer love for women, and doesn’t primarily identify as a lesbian. This includes sapphic, neptunic, lilaen, trixic, faunic, etc. This stripe can also include lesbians who are not explicitly Q4W, and may be NBLNB lesbians. Non-Lesbians are not the enemies of lesbians, and lesbians should included and have solidarity with other Q4W.

—

Fifth Stripe/Dark Violet: Femme Lesbian, Futch Lesbian, Butch Lesbian, Twink Lesbian, Otter Lesbian, Bear Lesbian inclusion and solidarity.

This stripe is here partly for the same reason as stripe number three, however with the added notion that Femme/Futch/Butch are not lesbian exclusive terms, and that Otter/Bear/Twink are not vincian/gay man exclusive terms. There may be many reasons someone would use these terms, Femme/Futch/Butch generally relate to gender-presentation, and Otter/Bear/Twink generally relate to one’s body. Of which there is a lot of fatphobia in queer communities, so this stripe is primarily here to focus on challenging what a lesbian “looks like”. Futch and Butch lesbians (Ursulas) are not the enemies of Femme lesbians, and Bear lesbians and just as valid in their lesbian identity as Otter and Twink lesbians. Be inclusive and have solidarity with other lesbians, even if they don’t “look like” a lesbian. Challenge fatphobia, transphobia, and queermisia in your own communities.

—

Sixth/Last Stripe/Vibrant Dark Blue: Otherwise Marginalized Lesbian inclusion and solidarity.

Like I mentioned in stripe number five, there is not “look” to being a lesbian. This stripe is for the explicit inclusion of otherwise marginalized lesbians, whether they be BIPOC, a religious minority, trans, intersex, polyamorous, chronically ill and/or disabled, neurodivergent, fat and/or a bear, etc. Include and have solidarity with other lesbians, whether or not they’re like yourself. Challenge bigoted rhetoric in your own communities.

[sillylittleenby]

Bit of an announcement

Hey! 

So up until now on this blog I have leaned pretty hard into the femme side of myself. There were a lot of reasons for this, but the biggest reason was it was fun. I was spending so much of the rest of my life trying to be masculine enough to be taken seriously in my gender, that coming online and expressing the feminine was a lot of fun. 

I don’t think I’m having so much fun with that anymore. 

I’ve noticed myself avoiding this blog because I don’t really want to lean into to femme stuff anymore. I’m not going to suddenly exclusively express the more butch aspects of myself, but I’m not gonna pretend to be just a girl either. No one was forcing me to do that or anything, I just was having fun with it until I wasn’t.

I got top surgery back in August. Every picture of my boobs is an old picture and there won’t be any new ones, cause they don’t exist anymore. I’ve been a little nervous about being upfront with that, but I’m proud of it and I’m proud of me and I think I look hot as hell. 

What I am is a genderfluid nonbinary person, and at my most comfortable I’m usually thinking of myself as a feminine boy. That’s gonna come across a lot more on my blog from now on. 

If you’re exclusively attracted to women and you still find me hot, that’s fine. I’m not here to police your attraction. You can interact with my posts if you still want to. The only thing thats changing is I’m gonna be a lot more open about the fact that I’m Not A Woman. 

I hope you stick around for the ride. Thanks for reading down this far <3

[bi-sapphics]

bi women whining about lesbians having boundaries is the REASON some lesbians prefer les4les relationships smh

okay, i said i didn't wanna get into this too much, but this ask is kinda pissing me off because it's yet again dismissing us calling out the very real and harmful treatment we face as "whining." i'm going to put effort into this answer, because i haven't seen anyone talking about it outside of twitter and i'd like a post i can fall back on for reference.

ANYWAYS.

what boundaries though, anon? please do specify. because i've heard plenty of reasons for deciding to go les4les float around many times now, and they've never expanded out of the following criteria (and anything related):

Bi Women Bad™

bi women are tainted by men

(potential) attraction to men ruins a relationship where no men are involved

bisexuals cheat (yeah, still, it's a belief)

all bisexuals are polyamorous, dirty, liars, uncommitted, etc.

bisexuals inherently can't be gold stars, which, matters for some clean purity reason i guess??

bi women "don't understand" what it is to live a life solely dedicated to women and other sapphics (+ to exclude men), and/or somehow "couldn't provide" a lesbian what they're looking for in a relationship. this has NEVER been elaborated on, especially the latter idea. and theoretically speaking, lack of experience doesn’t make for worse or lesser support.

if a bisexual identifies as butch or femme, it ruins the unnecessary safety illusion that all butch/femme relationships will be les4les without fail. it's literally just the same TERF rhetoric as the safety illusion that all WLW relationships will be AFAB4AFAB. no, really, unpack that. what makes you feel safer about knowing your partner isn't transfem, or, y'know, bisexual (also one is much more conceptual than the other, which is more materialistic. so like. yeah. what's the point.)

bi women aren't apologetic to lesbians for who they are 24/7 and therefore oppress them

bi women "are homo/lesbophobic" (see: not tolerating biphobia & harassment, using butch/femme, being dykes, using the term "sapphic", using the ⚢ symbol, sharing a history with lesbians without needed permission, daring to ask for a community of solidarity with lesbians, not exclusively dating women in their own personal lifestyle choices, etc.)

the false and generalized assumption that *all* bi women are *actually* homo/lesbophobic (see: forcing lesbians to like men, claiming comphet can't be real because it makes one bisexual instead, erasing canon lesbian characters, derailing lesbian posts, being ignorant towards lesbian issues, and/or otherwise treating lesbians really shitty and not including them where they belong, etc.) ─ including this one because for some reason, it's a one-way street and the reverse is bad-faith, bigoted, and exclusionary.

ETA: bi people don't talk enough about mspec lesbians, apparently (even though they do so pretty much all the time on twitter but ok)

keep in mind that these are all things that i have ACTUALLY SEEN being used as arguments consistently over time with my own eyes, unironically. and yes, they are always about bi women. who else would it be, pan women? other mspec women? who else could be a potential romantic/sexual partner to lesbians? who else is les4les designed to be a protective shield against?

i've never seen a good faith reason that isn't either biphobic, misogynistic, a combination of both, or two-sided in a way that acknowledges bi women can't oppress lesbians, despite how much we try to add that when we agree that lesbians don't oppress bi women either. or even anything that doesn't exclude the fact that, behaviorally, we can do anything that you can too (not regarding inherent attraction).

i guess i'll address bi4bi while i'm at it. i'm not a hypocrite, i think the same thing goes for us. lesbians can't oppress us, lesbians can do whatever another bi sapphic can, yes lesbians can be biphobic but it's not a trait they all share in one big hivemind ─ and it's certainly not enough in numbers to consider a bi separatism movement for radical purity reasons (*cough* lol lmao), etc. i've seen some people say bi4bi is acceptable because mspec hatred within the queer community is so much worse than monos get within their own rightful spaces, which, i see where they're going i guess (because we do face the highest statistics from both sides), but i disagree because in the LB dynamic neither letter has more power over the other in the real world, and certainly not enough to unbalance ourselves into inconsistency like that.

the other thing i want to say is, i don't inherently have a problem with any random les4les or bi4bi relationship picked out of a hat in a lottery. i even headcanon some of my favorite ships as such sometimes. also, factually, some fictional ships and even real relationships are one of those two, or bi4les/les4bi. as i said in the tags you're responding to, anon, these types of relationships aren't inherently flawed, especially if they form by chance and not intentional setup. in fact, those like t4t, aut4aut, ace4ace / aro4aro / aro4ace*¹, blk4blk, disabled4disabled, and the like actually have a systemic and structural reason for setting their preferences. but doing this just to avoid other sapphics? the "safety" reason is absolute bullshit, and just creates a further unnecessary divide among mono and mspec sapphics that really shouldn't be created. we're not a danger to each other, we're both in danger from everyone else ─ namely, the straights™.

hell, i would even say casually looking for a partner who shares your orientation labels is totally valid, even though the preference would have no real basis or weight if it's not in bigotry. and then if you fall in love with someone and they don't meet that expectation, so what!! who cares!! it'd be a really dumb loss of opportunity to say no due to that minor and irrelevant difference despite the fact that you both seemed ready to commit to each other as partners. that, and actively excluding harmless groups of people, making it your life mission at all costs, especially for a few twitter discourse points™, is such a waste and only hurts real people's feelings, yourself included.

you're welcome to send another ask just to mock me or say i'm wasting my time proving your point by whining about “the mean angry oppressive lesbians”, or whatever i dunno. but i just want you to ask yourself what really makes these particular "boundaries" so important to you. what makes you feel threatened? we're not forcing you to go date a bi woman right the fuck now or else you're Biphobic, i'm just asking you why you would (hypothetically, of course) reject a bi woman as a potential partner at the top of your list upon finding out she's not a lesbian. i answered why this matters so much to us, but i actually do want to know, why does this matter so much to you? just wondering.

*¹aros & aces absolutely do not share the same rivalry and discourse among each other like they do with the rest of the queer community. aro4aro people have never made it a point to exclude ace people, but rather alloromantics as a whole, and vice versa. that is why they are not comparable to the sapphic side of _4_ discourse, as generally speaking, unlike aros & aces, lesbians & bisexuals treat each other far too often on a wider scale like enemies rather than sisters in sync (which is what we should be doing instead).

[blushedfemme]

(First of all you’re so pretty and tall and I love your blog)

I love these kinds of blogs becuade it feels so safe to explore here I love it but I was looking through your tags about birches and femmes and I was wondering.

What kinds of traits make a butch butch or masc? Is it just solely looking more masculine like is there a certain quantity of masculinity you have to reach in order to be masc?

I think I to the outside look really really femme but I never feel that way or feel good using that as a label. If I had to pick between femme and masc I would probably choose masc or butch. honestly and surprisingly to me the label I feel best about calling myself in my head is just dyke lol so I guess my question is is there a label for someone like me? Who feels masc but looks femme? Or should I just go for a label not needed kind of vibe? Lol

(For context I’m 26 but I’ve only recently realized I’m a lesbian in the past 6 months or so so I’m very new to the culture but I want to participate as much as I can! <3)

Also feel free to jus flat out ignore this if you want I totally I derstand im kind of a rambler. But your blog is so much fun everyone on blogs like these are always so nice and accepting of different things and it’s such an amazing place to actually figure out what I’m into what I like and what cravings I have that I didn’t like I was allowed to want I love it

Okay bye! <3

hi there! aww thank you so much 😚 i’m thrilled to hear that you find this a welcoming and safe space, that’s absolutely my intention 💖

that’s a very good question and a very complex one! i’ll do my best to give an answer, speaking as someone who loves butches and is exclusively attracted to butches, who has had butch lovers and friends. however i am not butch myself, so keep that in mind. i’ll also speak to butch only in a lesbian/sapphic sense since that’s the context on my blog.

to me, butch is an identity term grounded in lesbian/sapphic community that’s connected to chivalry, tenderness, courage, authenticity, and ways of being that can be described (depending on cultural contexts) as masculine. this can mean many different things to different people. there is no specific “quantity” of masculinity necessary to be butch. some butches might not describe themselves as masculine at all. to me ‘masculine’ is just a word, a useful one yet with certain limits, that we use to gesture broadly to a mode of dressing and carrying oneself, but it doesn’t resonate with every butch i’ve met. i know they say a good definition doesn’t include the term being defined but the best word to describe a butch, is butch. i will say that a butch way of dressing and acting is integral to the identity. if that doesn’t feel like you, then you might not be butch. i invite any of my butch followers to add their perspectives in the replies!

it’s completely fine and wonderful to settle into ‘dyke’ as your identity label!! you can be a lesbian without being butch or femme. we are really just a subculture within lesbianism. ‘masc’ is also a great label that doesn’t have the same community connection and historical weight as butch, but it’s useful for describing your aesthetic/style as a lesbian. you can combine elements of masculine and feminine styles! you can do whatever feels good and makes you happy. ☺️

BUT. if you find you keep coming back to butchfemme posts, if you feel a tug or strong emotional reaction to butchfemme content, i encourage you to do some more reading. drop another ask or shoot me a dm and i can give you a ton of recommendations for books, blogs, essays, and other resources! best of luck anon and thank you for being here 💕

[bullywug-n-mugwort]

.

idk why people just decide they get to invalidate someone else's identity when they are not the one with that identity and therefore don't know what they're talking about. just saw someone i otherwise respect reblog a post about how bisexual lesbian is an invalid term because each term has changed over time and claiming it's lesbophobic and biphobic to use the term [something something mutually exclusive experiences]. i usually call my orientation "queer" but i often use "bi lesbian" to make sense of my own experience. the tags of this post were full of people dunking on all imagined reasons someone may call themselves a bi lesbian, none of which reflect my own experiences and reasoning.

not that i should have to defend myself, but a lot of these comments were very fixated on the experiences of "liking only women" vs "liking both women and men." these categories obviously have social significance, but to me personally, romantically and sexually, these categories aren't super helpful. i cannot isolate traits of manhood or womanhood i find attractive. i'm into femme traits until i see a hot butch. i like certain chests, certain facial features, and any genitals. these traits don't map onto coherent binary genders very well. not to mention my attractions shift with my fluid gender. if i'm looking for a consistent pattern, i'm into gendernonconformity if anything. i guess i'm far more into women than i am men unless the man is a flamboyant twink but at the end of the day i'm not into either as much as i am a very specific weird collection of queer gender markers. (and pansexual had never seemed to fit the bill, because there are also many gender expressions and markers i am certainly unattracted to.)

does that really make me a biphobic bisexual? i wrestled with more shame at the idea that i was a lesbian, a stereotype threat for the bisexual community i love. the twink i married turned out not to be a man at all. i was struggling with worries about comphet for years because i loved them but our marriage didn't feel "right," and now that we're both practicing genderqueers it does. to me, that experience made bisexuality feel less like home than it had before. at the same time, finding like two men attractive excludes me from the lesbian community. is it such a sin to have found home in a term that made coherent my knot of comphet and dysphoria?

i realized, as many lesbians with comphet do, that i would probably never be happy in a relationship with a man, as in someone who self- identified as a man and embraced manhood. i also find astarion bg3 hot as fuck. i fail to see how these are mutually exclusive experiences.

can i guarantee that no biphobia or lesbophobia has wormed its way into my brain? of course not, but it is so strange that embracing both those terms brands you as someone who hates both. it's also strange to exclude people from terms on the basis of internalized shame. why care if some people call themselves bi lesbians? does it feel invalidating to you? that's your own work-- same as women who think afab nonbinary people are really just women who are ashamed of being a woman and therefore should continue living as "women". (ie it's not my job to choose an identity that you approve of or think is free of shame. you figure it out.) are you worried it invalidates us in the eyes of the heteros? i simply don't believe in policing our own terms to make cishets see us as more valid or understandable. it's disguised respectability politics, plain and simple.

all these terms for our identities are best fits and best guesses, grasping for connections under this big lovely queer umbrella. the person who reblogged that post is a nonbinary lesbian. why do the same people who accept the concept of a nonbinary lesbian-- a thing that should be impossible if the term "lesbian" has actually calcified as the post claims-- insist that "bisexual" and "lesbian" are concrete, immovable, and mutually exclusive identities? to be extremely clear, i support nonbinary lesbianism. it's valid. and it's a weird fucking line to draw, saying that the gender spectrum can support loosely-gendered lesbianism on the side of the beholder but not the recipients.

there was also a historical argument claiming that people are misinterpreting contexts in which bisexual lesbian was used circa early 20th century. and like... okay??? i found the term in a pdf zine from the 90's which interviewed self-identified bisexual lesbians, gleaning a bunch of different reasons for the label. some fell into the assumptions of the aforementioned post, eg bisexuals who were basically political lesbians. (i don't claim to support this stance, though i do still insist people can call themselves whatever they want.) many more summarized complicated stories like mine, people who did not fall neatly into either "mutually exclusive" category because, it turns out, gender is a fluid weird spectrum. bi lesbians whose attractions are bi and gender is lesbian. bi lesbians who were literally only into women except for one "man". bi lesbians who were trying to untangle comphet and so weren't sure which label, if either, fit. bi lesbians who liked to fuck any gender but only fell in love with "women". so anyway, fuck outta here with "history doesn't work like that" narrow target practice.

and even if that's true... again, words are evolving all the time. we've made words like sapphic and achillean to make some sense of gender. "lesbian" has on-off been used as a gender term for decades. we've invited nonbinary people into lesbianism and many understandings of gender into bisexuality. bi lesbian is another evolution of our language, and people have been shitty about it since at least the early days of DTWOF-- bechdel's characters struggled with all of the above since the 80's.

and what's the point of terms? to find community, self- identity, and sometimes practical utility, eg in the dating world. were i to date again (yikes), "bisexual" would not be a helpful self-descriptor for finding a romantic partner. lesbian would. if i wanted to hook up, bisexual would be more helpful than lesbian, and i'd have to root through lots of gender expressions anyway. so in terms of my self identity and finding communities of similar folk, "bi lesbian" is a super helpful term. if you are a bisexual or a lesbian and feel frustrated or confused by my term, that's because it doesn't apply to you. maybe just realize this isn't your thing and leave our community to explore our experiences. love you, see you later in the sapphic tags where we have things in common.

so anyway, i think it's pretty silly to see a term, imagine reasons you dislike for why someone may use it, and pitch a fit. my identity's legitimacy has no bearing on yours. leave us alone.

[my-strange-attraction]

i think you might be stupid as hell because that last bit on your posts about studs is what lesbians have been saying about our label for fucking ever when it comes to your demand for the inclusion of men (you KNOW i am not talking about trans women. i’m talking about cis and trans men.) I can feel your cognitive dissonance and it is amazing.

also butch/femme are lesbian exclusive identities because they only make sense in lesbian context (subversion of gender roles, presentation, OFOS, ect ect). same goes for stud. literally you do not know what you’re talking about. PLEASE do actual research when it comes to these labels before talking about them and not a quick look at a fandom wiki.

Ok see the other reason I was hesitant to post my response to that ask was because I KNEW this would be the response from those of you who are still lurking from that drama.

The WHOLE POINT of my response was that race matters are different than other queer matters. They just are. It’s not cognitive dissonance, it’s just the truth, but you want so badly for me to contradict myself that you would pretend otherwise until your dying breath.

Also I’ve never been involved in discussions about the stud label, but I have been in discussions about the others. I downplayed it because it hasn’t been my FOCUS because up until recently I was too nervous to explore them because I didn’t identify as lesbian yet, and I didn’t realize what I know now, which is that, though they originated in the lesbian community, they can describe all sapphic people (this includes bisexuals and others who are not solely attracted to women!).

You said they only make sense in lesbian context but you really didn’t explain yourself there so I don’t even know how to refute it. I think it makes sense in any sapphic context, personally, and a lot of my queer (AND LESBIAN) friends agree. I’m tired of bending over backwards to over explain myself to you people so I’m just not going to do it.

I’m going to say it one last time, even if it will still probably fall to deaf ears: other lesbians saying they can be/have been attracted to men does not “demand,” in your words, the lesbian label to include men. It just does for them, because sexuality is weird and people are different, and there can be a variety of different reasons why someone feels most comfortable using a label.

I use the label personally because even though I can sometimes (??? still figuring it out) be attracted to men, I am not interested in dating any. It’s more functional for me than bi or pan. Would you keep me from using it just because, for me, it includes attraction to men? And if you include me, why not include bi lesbians as well?

I almost deleted this one. At what point does defending myself become redundant?