#posting this in public is therapy for me

[jianghuchild]

WIP Wednesday

I don't think I've ever done one of these. Leaning into my teenage cringe with a Maze Runner self-insert. Warnings for a bit of not-too-graphic violence at the end.

(When I say self-insert I mean Skinner is symbolically me when I was watching tdc and screaming "THAT'S NOT HOW YOU USE A MICROPIPETTE" and "THAT'S NOT HOW UTILITARIANISM WORKS" at the screen)

Skinner nearly doesn’t notice the figure, slipping into the maze from another opening at her periphery. She squints, trying to make him out in her blurry vision. No one should be going into the maze this early in the morning, and certainly not alone. She makes it to the opening just in time to see the figure disappear around a bend. Skinner glances over her shoulder, mouth pressed thin, then back at the maze. “No one ever accused me of thinking things through,” she murmurs, then plunges into the maze. Almost immediately she begins to regret it. The walls are tall and claustrophobically close. They seem to breathe down her neck, choking out the sliver of sky like a valley of shadows. Skinner rubs the ache out of her knuckles as she rounds the bend. The corridor is empty. Three more paths fork out of it—three invitations to a silent death. Skinner glances back the way she came. Maybe she should go back and get one of the Runners, Minho or Newt. Whoever came in here, will they be able to find him again? She’s just about to go back when a shift in the air tickles her ear. Skinner turns, just as Newt’s body drops out of the air and shatters at her feet. Skinner screams.

[cleolinda]

I had my second PT visit, which turned out to be my first REAL PT visit, and I got my ass kicked. I am absolutely trashed, in what I assume is a beneficial way.

[misscammiedawn]

Check to see if you have a 'bring your hair dryer to work with you' therapist.

I'm serious. I've been in and out of the mental healthcare system in the UK and US for over 20 years and if I have learned anything about clinicians it is that they divide care into "want to make the client "sane"" and "make the client able to live a comfortable/happy life" categories.

Let me explain.

There's a really good post that can be found here: http://benedante.blogspot.com/2016/12/the-hair-dryer-incident.html

The long and short is a person was struggling with obsessive compulsive disorder who worried that if they left their hair dryer plugged in then they would burn down their house. This had them disrupt their life to check on their fear and their clinician told them to bring the hair dryer to work with them so when the panic set in they could see the hair dryer was with them and it would soothe their fear with minimal disruption.

The blog post above goes into it. Mental healthcare professionals arguing over whether this was "enabling" and a detriment to healing and coping versus those who saw that the life disruption had been solved and it's okay for the client to not be healed if they can live their life.

-

So. Get a 'take your hair dryer to work' therapist. Ask yours about the hypothetical and see where their priorities lie. Are they trying to help you or heal you? They may sound like the same thing but they're not always. Ask yourself what you want from your circumstances?

We have DID and our therapist always treats us as individuals (something the DSM-V specifically warns clinicians against) because she saw how much damage it was doing for us to try and shift and change our behavior to be socially accepteable. It's better for our mental health to embrace "being insane" (my words, not hers) than to repress ourselves to the point of denying anyone the chance to get to know us.

Every clinician will carry baggage with them. That's just normal. But you got to know where their priorities lie. There's a lot of stigma in the mental health field. Knowing if they'd encourage you to act a little crazy for the sake of your peace and comfort helps.

At least. That's our opinion.

[tanicus-caesareth]

guarana drama, damage control

[ilovedirt]

Could I possibly get some personal stories about people who resisted accepting pharmaceutical medications for their mental health issues but ultimately decided to pursue them as a means for recovery? What caused your resistance? What caused you to change your mind? How did the process of transitioning to pharmaceuticals go for you (was it difficult, successful, did you have to go through multiple medications, do you still experience symptoms or side effects that may lead you to change your mind again, etc.)?

Asking for a friend and the friend is me

Big thank

[heartscrypt]

riddle for the character bingo 😍

................ well . um. this is embarrassing. sorry for filling every box.

yeah im like. so dead serious im like actually abnormal about riddle rosehearts to an unhealthy amount. few months ago when i changed my phone to be heartslabyul themed i nearly yarfed every time i looked at my phone because whenever i saw riddle w the rest of heartslabyul i got nauseous from excitement/happiness. sorry. i really need to be normal.

i have so many thoughts on riddle and i need to fight off the people who woobify him with a bat. or a gun. i have a lot of thoughts on the way his mother shapes his behavior and mindset even Past the whole rules thing. his insistence on rules is only the tip of the iceberg. you guys ever think about riddle unconsciously mirroring her mother's controlling behavior and mindset and projecting it into forcefully maintaining order over heartslabyul because i sure do. riddle to me is an honorary eldest daughter because she too is experiencing the horrors of becoming just like your mother ♥️ anyways

i dont likr the precious little wububub box it feels infantilizing i dont like it but i do cherish riddle a lot. the daddy issues are because riddle grew up in a household with an unhappy marriage and he's gotta have Something about his dad if hes so involved with his mom. im not saying anything about relating to riddle or the haters in my inbox will get me

[pachirobi]

Hi chat I wrote something for 4/3 also

Except I DIDNT because I'm EVIL and this was written over a year ago and I never posted it because I got scared so have fun with it now I guess

[moodr1ng]

told my psych i finally got on the autism assessment waitlist but since the average wait to get an appointment is 2 years i was considering private screening even though it costs quite a lot of money. he was just like "to be honest even if you get diagnosed we dont really have any support tools to offer you, its usually just behavioral therapy and social skills training" and therefore its not that useful to be diagnosed faster since i wont get any support either way. i am disappointed to be told straight up that even w a diagnosis i wont get shit to help me but at least he was honest so i can moderate my expectations and not waste hundreds of euros on private screening lol..

[bunnyboy-juice]

does anyone else ever get the urge to dress their loved ones up like little barbie dolls? like i love you so much i want to tell you what to wear and watch you prance around in the cute little outfit i picked for you!!!!

[dreamerwriternstargazer]

First Bluebells of Spring

[ceruinnalagetha]

Therapy before I knew I was neurodivergent

“how are you feeling” can’t identify my feelings because of alexithymia so I’ll just make something up or say good

“that must’ve been hard for you *waits for emotional response* “ okay *blankest expression*

“and how did that difficult time make you feel” uhh fine I guess

“envision a calming place in your mind” why do they always say it like that when it’s impossible to see pictures in your head? all I’m seeing is black and it’s not helping (didn’t realise I have aphantasia)

“you need to make yourself go to place that makes you anxious avoiding it is what’s causing the anxiety” okay I’ll push myself to go and feel overwhelmed/overstimulated the whole time now I’m having panic attacks (meltdowns) and I’m burnt out

“you left this situation early because you were anxious this is bad avoidance behaviour” now I feel so guilty whenever I put boundaries on what I can handle, panic attacks (meltdowns) or burnout if I stay, day of guilt ridden rotting in my bed if I go

“you are anxious in this loud place because of negative thought patterns” okay I’m in the place and my mind is already completely blank I’m saying positive things to myself but I still feel the same

hey none of these things are working and I feel worse after putting myself in anxious situations “clearly you’re not putting in the effort and are not committed to getting better, continue paying me to do nothing but make you feel worse or go back to how you were before having only gone backwards in progress“

I saw three different therapists before getting diagnosed with ASD I swear this is how every single one went

[eorzeashan]

Thoughts about Echoes of Oblivion: I consider Eight to be cosmically insignificant. That he's just a blip in the giant lifeform that is the Force. It doesn't make him any less important than the next character, but he's not some grand savior or even anything next to say, the Hero of Tython. He doesn't even show up on Force radars half the time. This obviously clashes with a major portion of KOTFE/ET and after that keeps trying to make you somebody, but he is literally nobody. The fact that he matters so much to someone like Jadus who is a gigantic presence and galaxy-shaker delights the hell out of me, but it only makes him special to their relationship, not the rest of the world.

To that end, I think not even Arcann would remember him. Senya would still be angry; she deserves to be and they both made and accepted their choice with him as their murderer. He holds nothing against her if she wants him to suffer for the rest of his life. Given the tweaking of his role as Outlander however, I'm unsure of whether Arcann would hold the same grudge. He might, given this nobody killed his entire family-- but Eight barely spoke, and I think Arcann's vitriol is much more directed at an Outlander who... has a presence at all. Eight might have appeared as just an unknown soldier to him. But I suppose even he needed someone to hate, if he could never reach his father. It's hard for me to imagine him doing so for Eight however, as he did promise he'd defeat him in his stead.

Oddly enough, this time Vaylin had no objections compared to a LS playthrough which is very sad given she must have just wanted to be free of her life of pain and misery, so it made me sigh in relief a little. She deserved a bit of catharsis. It's ironic that the path most would assume would heal her made her more overcome with rage. As mentioned before, it's strange how she and Eight sometimes would silently see eye to eye like that. Maybe that's just how those mired in endless violence are.

I also don't think they needed him to be there for this one given a huge chunk of the vital Force-users there were like uh.... we hate this guy for killing us. Made it really awkward.

It's nice to think of Eight as one of those nameless phantoms in the back who show up just to get a good hit in for Valkorion though, and while I don't think he couldn't do such a thing, he's more of the whimsical surprise character who shows up mysteriously out of nowhere to wreak havoc while simultaneously being helpful and acting on his own agenda (Jadus sends his regards!).

It still got me though when Valkorion pulled him to the side alone and asked him if he really did kill his entire family without being controlled-- I was very curious about the point of lying about it, which I imagine would've been good for RP purposes, but Eight would never shirk the responsibility or the weight of his decisions-- his kills. Valkorion laughed and said he must have enjoyed it if he was so steadfast in his conviction, but Eight would never. Not that him or his family could understand, as they've only known emotions that lead to murder their entire lives. The curse of being empaths, I suppose.

Though I had to pick the apology button to Senya, he wouldn't do that either. He didn't do it then. He couldn't do it now, and she knew it was too late for feelings (it always is. at some point you give up on justifications. you accept this as who you are) and so she brushed past him saying his time would come, and Arcann saying he would suffer eventually.

Ironically, he'd never turn that on them had their situations been reversed. Not that the game had any neutral options for this expac, haha.

He probably wished he got to stay outside Satele's head with Theron. There's something symbolic about him finding the loneliest, coldest vistas of Valkorion's barren mind filled with darkness as comforting, like it's the only place in the galaxy where he could ever be. KOTFE/ET... really made it apparent how other people became his hell, when all they could see was a tool for their victory and a bloody knife to blame.

He was oddly happy when Valkorion didn't remember him. He was grateful. Thank the stars. I should wish to be forgotten.

Then the arc tied off with a cheeky nod waking up to the same Lana with a stim like the PC does first leaving carbonite, but it was more bittersweet than anything to once again jet off...somewhere with her knowing Eight's history with the one he deferred to this entire expac. He tiredly went "I don't care," when she asked him where to go next, just the two of them in a shuttle again. No further words were exchanged and we don't know where she picked, but that summarizes their relationship pretty well: being dragged off not even half-awake by Lana without asking lol. He's still her agent even now, huh?

...Though given the garbage fire and lots of dead people that resulted because of their disastrous power dynamic, I could very clearly hear the frantic holocall from Theron ringing 30 minutes later asking where the kriff she's taking him and to put him back right now.

[misscammiedawn]

That feeling when you're reaching the end of your allotted time in therapy and you want to just get through this segment of your shitty childhood before time runs out and you have to open the wound up again next session but your therapist keeps asking probing questions and trying to get you to process it instead of speedrun through it.

Damn you, paid professional for doing exactly what I pay you for. We'll return to ｔｈｅ ｈｏｒｒｏｒｓ next week.

[detransdamnation]

Forever having my vent posts get reblogged by randoms and feeling secondhand embarrassment for myself until I inevitably start hating myself again and lose all inhibitions to vent about it some more.

[emeraldcreeper]

21,852 is a fine and normal word count for one chapter of a long fic and the setup will be less fun than the actual fun part of the kink content! It’s fine! I’m fine!

[dokyeomini]

to be honest..... idk when i'll outgrow this online space but it's some day