#posts that permanently altered my brain chemistry

[reduxulousoctopus]

"there didn't seem to be a wolverine/morph fandom before X-Men 97 came out, surely that means there wasn't any romantic subtext in TAS, I'm good to start writing a pre-relationship fic set during 97 before I've finished my rewatch," I said

you know, like an idiot

[sp1resong]

"of two minds", an experimental... short story... comic... thing.

(transcript under the cut!)

y’know, it’s funny.

what is?

the very idea of contradiction itself necessitates cohesion, or coexistence, or… whatever antonym you want to use.

what do you mean?

well—if two contradicting ideas couldn’t coexist in some way, we wouldn’t have a concept of contradiction in the first place. the very idea of it is, in itself, a contradiction!

…that doesn’t make any sense whatsoever.

we’re not talking about things that make sense, are we? contradictions aren’t supposed to do that. that’s, like, the whole point.

well, yeah, but what you’re saying should still have meaning. you can’t just—say nonsense that sounds smart but isn’t.

i agree! good thing that’s not what i’m doing. it’s not nonsense.

you yourself said it doesn’t make sense.

but that’s not the same thing, now, is it? nonsense can make sense, so why not the other way around?

i never said i believed that second thing, either.

you do, though. i know that full well.

…i do. but even so—that doesn’t matter. it feels like you came up with a point and are now desperately trying to grant it merit despite its obvious flaws.

what do you mean?

well—first and foremost, contradiction doesn’t claim that the sides can’t coexist. quite the opposite, actually. its very nature is coexistence where there shouldn’t be any.

blah, semantics. but really—if they can coexist, even a little bit, then clearly, they’re not as diametrically opposed as they seem. where is the line drawn?

that’s… not the same thing you were arguing a moment ago.

so what?

you can’t just—change the subject. that’s not how this works.

i still stand by what i said, i was just using the wrong word, or something like that. you pointed it out, so i started talking about your word. same difference.

you’re impossible.

why, thank you.

regardless—i don’t see what that has to do with any of this.

what doesn’t it have to do with this? contradiction is in our very nature. we invented a word to put a name to that divide, that fundamental fission. and yet—it’s only natural, isn’t it?

i’m not sure what you’re saying here.

but if you didn’t understand, neither would i.

that doesn’t mean i know what it means in any—

—and that, too, is contradiction!

no, it isn’t. i understand the words you’re saying. i know what the words mean.

what i don’t understand is—your point. what you’re trying to say.

and what a shame that is. we’ll never come to a conclusion at this rate.

yes we will. we always do.

…what are you arguing, anyways?

hm?

it seems like you’re just here to disagree with me. you’re refuting my points, but you never make any of your own. do you even have an opinion?

of course i do.

do you? or is it just the opposite of what i’m saying, regardless of what that is?

…does it matter? we both believe what we’re saying.

and back to contradiction.

hm?

we’re one and the same, and we both believe what we’re saying. and yet we disagree.

this wouldn’t be interesting at all if we agreed.

that’s beside the point.

it is.

what… is this, anyways? what’s the point?

a socratic dialogue for the new era.

…it can’t be. you’ve never read socrates. besides—you said it yourself. we both believe what we are saying.

we’re both right.

you get it, you get it! i knew you would! we are the contradiction!

…you’re not being helpful. you refuse to explain your ideas, you just… say words.

i don’t need to explain. you understand already.

then what’s the fucking point!?

to settle this. to make up our mind.

but we are of two minds.

precisely! contradiction is coexistence is contradiction!

this is going to go on forever, isn’t it?

we’ve always moved on before.

but we come back, again and again! arguing a new point in the same way, and no one ever wins!

would you rather go through life never questioning anything?

of course not! i just—argh. you’re intolerable.

whatever do you mean?

you’re unbearable! i can’t stand this! nothing you say holds water, but you don’t fucking listen!

you know—you know i’m right. we’re the same person, after all. but you refuse to listen when i tell you—

tell me, then. i’ll listen.

what do you believe?

…i believe that you’re wrong. that we ought to do things my way.

but what is your way?

…

i knew it! you exist to be the opposition. you know i’m wrong, but you don’t know what’s right.

…

…what’s yours?

hm?

what’s your way? saying things that sound smart without—without caring if they’ve got any substance?

…

see? you don’t have anything to say, either. we’re both wrong. we’re both right. i hate this.

i just want to agree! i want things to make sense! i want to say things that mean something—i want to understand. understand the world, understand myself, understand what we’re fucking saying.

i’m sick of this.

you could do to care a bit less.

see, that’s the problem with you! you don’t—you don’t fucking care! you speak nonsense and then act like everyone else is at fault for not understanding it! because you don’t care! you don’t care and i fucking hate you!

you say, as if you have anything of meaning to say!

i have more than you! at least when i talk, it means something!

no it doesn’t! you’ll never come up with anything but derivative, trite bullshit if you’re so obsessed with making sense!

oh, so now i’m spouting bullshit, and not the bastard who has never in their life even tried to make sense!?

you’re so set on making sure other people can understand what you’re saying—every little bit of you is lost in translation! you have to follow in the footsteps of others for anyone to get what you’re talking about—none of what you say is yours!

that’s not—god. i hate this. i shouldn’t—you shouldn’t be here. we should just make up our fucking mind.

but you said it yourself—we are of two minds.

if we thought you were right, we would have moved on by now.

but we would have done the same if we thought i was wrong.

why are we still here? separate? stuck at the crossroads? rent apart by indecision?

what is wrong with us?

…it’s just the human condition, i think.

“human.”

…

semantics again, my dear sock-puppet.

…i’m not even going to respond to that. are you trying to insinuate that you’re the ‘real’ one here? that i’m the construct? that goes against everything you’ve said thus far.

first of all, have you even been listening to what i’ve said thus far?

…second of all, that’s not what i meant at all.

we’re just talking to the mirror, really—but we’re more than a reflection of the other, aren’t we? and neither of us is quite our whole. we’re uncertainty made manifest. a tangled mess of contradiction trying futilely to untie itself.

so: sock puppets.

interesting analogy.

…so who’s the left hand, and who’s the right hand?

oh, so now you’re capable of having a little bit of whimsy.

…i think you’re probably the left hand, because right brain-left brain or whatever. since you’re the one who keeps going off about logic.

…i want to be the right hand.

why?

we’re right-handed, and i’m the one we usually act on—

—that’s not even true. whatever. more realistically, we’re both both hands, anyways.

yeah, you would say that, wouldn’t you.

am i really that predictable?

yes.

for ‘uncertainty made manifest’, it sure is easy to figure you out.

even cacophony has a pattern to it! a method to our madness—because every method is madness.

that doesn’t make sense either.

doesn’t it?

no.

oh, you’re no fun.

nothing about this is supposed to be ‘fun’.

nothing is ‘supposed’ to be anything!

the only reason it isn’t fun is your nonstop bitching.

if i wasn’t here to be the voice of reason, you’d fucking… i dunno. do something stupid.

start giving people bullshit advice and spreading misinformation on the internet, or run off and get hit by a car, or… something.

my point is, i’m the one keeping us alive and reasonable.

yeah, and? what’s the point in that if we’re miserable all the time, because we’re too scared of saying anything meaningful to even try?

but it’s not meaningful! all you say is fucking nonsense!

and all you say is fucking trite!

how do you expect to create any original meaning if nothing you say has meaning to begin with!?

how do you expect to create anything you can care about if you refuse to say anything unique to yourself!?

i’m only being pragmatic!

i’m only trying to be happy for once in our fucking life!

you’re a liar—you know what you’re saying means nothing and you say it anyways!

it doesn’t have to make sense to be meaningful!

what’s the point in meaning if no one else can understand it!?

what’s the point in trying if everything you say has been watered down for others’ sake!?

i’d rather be unhappy and right!

and there’s your problem! you keep thinking about this in right and wrong—it’s not! all of this is subjective! all answers are equally correct!

but that’s not true! nothing is entirely subjective—there’s always an answer we settle on, there’s always a right one! there’s always a wrong one!

we always choose one answer because of you! because you’re too fucking scared to admit that maybe there isn’t a wrong one! maybe there doesn’t have to be! maybe—

—shut up, hyde!

…oh, so i’m hyde now? i’m the bad one? i’m in the wrong? and of course you would—

—stop. stop. i hate you. god, i hate you.

…

…i think right now i hate you too.

…

but this won’t end until we agree.

it won’t.

and that will never happen.

maybe not.

because we both know we’re right.

so we do.

so we’ll be here forever. arguing about nothing.

maybe we don’t have to.

argue, i mean.

…what do you mean by that?

maybe we can coexist. maybe we can hold both beliefs. tempering and strengthening the other.

but we are powers opposed.

maybe we don’t have to be.

it’s like schrodinger said.

the cat is both alive and dead until you open the box.

the path curves both left and right until you reach the crossroads.

every answer is both true and false until a conclusion is reached.

…

but even then, that implies a conclusion. a collapse into a solid state.

we are already at the crossroads of our belief.

precisely.

and we haven’t fallen into one yet.

but we must.

must we?

can’t the two states combine to one without losing what makes them themselves?

the cat must be dead or alive, for it is a material being. but we are thought. we are consciousness. we are not bound to one or the other.

such is the magic of our nature.

indeed.

so really, there is only one question:

can we coexist, or must we fight forever?

can we have chaos guided by logic?

can we have meaning carved by contradiction?

can we walk both paths, and the sacred middle ground?

can we shape ourselves through synthesis?

can we be one?

were we ever two? does it matter?

we are arguing the same point, after all.

[kaboomthepossum]

The Diaz Brothers Drawing

Hello there tumblr besties! Today I finally finished the 7th item in the continuous saga of “Kaboom drawing TMG songs for fun”

This drawing.. oh my gosh I have been to hell and back to create this - I have never in my life drawn a pine tree before, this was a huge struggle. I was pretty pleased with it in the end though! :D

I hope you guys like it too :)

[dadbastiandisaster]

What is it about Black Butler that sticks with you so much? Like, I read all of death note about the same time as I watched Black Butler for the first time, and much as I have boundless love for the series it just didn’t alter my brain chemistry on the same level as Black Butler did. I have a another friend who has broadly moved on from a lot of her old fandoms but is still in the kuro fandom. What is it about kuro?

[kaleidoscopic-quiddity]

hey rememer when jon bois did this? genuinely. what the fuck.

[zukkaoru]

Do u have any kunidazai or kunichudazai fic recs at all? Seeing ur posts I wanna dip my toe in but would love to read any faves u have also!!

YES YES YES most of these will be oneshots bc that's mostly what i read + rated t or g unless stated otherwise. the rest are under the cut bc this got (expectedly) long lol

kunidazai:

let Hope die by degradedpsychotic

Dazai smirks at him, in the process of filling the rice cooker. "Need help?" Kunikida exhales, and it takes the form of a bitter laugh. "That's all I ever need anymore."

4.3k words, post-decay of angels arc. dazai and kunikida are learning to navigate the world with injuries that they will never fully recover from (dazai w chronic leg pain + kunikida w chronic hand pain)

the tragic (pony)tail of dazai’s downfall by sarcoline_sails

five times Kunikida has his hair down, and one time Dazai ensures it stays that way.

6.6k words. exactly what it says on the tin

Piled Up by KhaoticEnby

Kunikida gets sick in the midst of a busy time at the ADA. Dazai, just back from his mission, tries his best to help him

3.4k words, established relationship

sure it's a calming notion (perpetual in motion) by saffroncassis

the one where Dazai digs himself a hole, and then just keeps digging deeper.

5.3k words. instead of admitting he likes kunikida, dazai says he just wants to have sex with him. because when has dazai ever been honest about his feelings? (there's no smut, but there are references to and jokes about sex)

but in that uncertainty, i found you. by warsfeil

In which everyone gets injured and two inept individuals wonder about the meaning of partnership.

3.4k words. dazai gets injured and kunikida worries; then kunikida gets injured and dazai worries

kunichuuzai:

thin ice over a monstrous depth by luminariums

Chuuya and Dazai are fifteen years old when Kouyou insists they learn the art of dancing. It shapes the way Chuuya views his relationships - until Kunikida comes along and flips his whole world upside down.

8k words, chuuya-centric, part-character/relationship study and part-getting (back) together. this fic focuses mostly on the kunichuu and skk dynamics since it's chuuya-centric but ohhhh it is. SO good

all brutal mirrors cracked by intimatopia

The one in which Dazai and Kunikida are swapped into each other's bodies by a mirror, and then their day gets worse.

12.4k words, dazai pov with established skk. THIS FIC. oh my god this fic i read it through like 3-4 times within the first week i found it. it's such a fascinating take on the body swap trope with good angst and a happy ending. i can get really picky with dazai angst but this. this fic. this fic does it RIGHT.

Listen to Your Heart by 4_the_tainted_sorrow_21

Kunikida gets used as a pillow for his boyfriends, but he finds he doesn't mind it very much.

1k words, kunikida pov, established kunichuuzai. very short and very sweet. they just get to cuddle <3

Cover Me In Chamomile by ChaoticQuill

Kunikida has a bad day, and his boyfriends take care of his portion of the chores.

6.7k words, kunikida pov. getting together/developing relationship + domestic kunichuuzai

A Trick of the Tongue by AbsoluteNegation

“Just because I lie all the time doesn’t necessarily mean it’s my fault I was cursed to tell the truth,” Dazai said indignantly and automatically. They both sat there while that statement unfurled its full glory before them.

47.5k words, 9 chapters, dazai pov. part character study, part getting (back) together. dazai is cursed to tell the truth, which he takes exactly as well as you would expect. but everything works out in the end <3 warning: this fic is rated e with smut in chapter 8 (i believe it's just that one scene with implied/referenced sex in the epilogue/ch9 but the smut can definitely be skipped)

and idk if you've read them or not but here are my fics as well:

warm leftovers

after the threesome, kunikida and dazai take chuuya home

2.1k words, chuuya pov, established kunidazai + pre-kunichuuzai. personally one of my favorite bsd fics i've written i think

desperate prayers of a cursed man

dazai can't remember the last time he slept through the night. if anyone were to ask, he'd say it's not a problem. but when the rest of the world is asleep, humanity is a hard thing to come by.

4k words, mostly a dazai character study with background established kunichuuzai tbh

though i burn, how could i fall?

kunikida assumes the position of agency president. somewhere between shaking hands, pastry boxes, and dazai leaving the door open, he learns leadership also means knowing when to take a step back and trust others will help you shoulder your burdens.

8.8k words, kunikida-centric. spawned a series that currently has two other fics but since this is the first, it can easily be read as a stand alone. features kunikida with hand tremors and dazai with chronic leg pain + crutches

if you look back and you hate my past

dazai contemplates his (lack of) humanity while kunikida tends to his wounds

3.3k words, dazai character study, pre-kunidazai with nods towards past skk. i wrote this after i finished reading dazai's entrance exam light novel and had a breakdown

the sound of love 

kenji gets sick. luckily, he has a lot of people who are looking out for him.

4.5k words, kenji-centric with established kunichuuzai mostly in the background but there are soft and sweet moments with them so i'm adding it too

i'm probably forgetting other fics i've read and enjoyed but this is long enough as is so i'll just leave it here skgfhgjhk hopefully you can find some stuff in here that looks interesting 🫶

[lemonycranberries]

seeing vincenzo in queen of tears instantly provoked in me a reaction that was so visceral. it came from the depths of my soul. i felt things i didn't even know i could feel

[oldxenomorph]

just finished watching shin godzilla and ohhhhhh my god. ohhhh my godddd. hideaki anno, king, you've done it again.

[wiser-girl]

Percabeth hugged in the trailer and I cried real tears this show is genuinely going to destroy me I can’t wait

[forgotten-daydreamer]

Reblog with a song you listen to when you need to boost your morale! The one song that you always listen to when you need instant serotonin, no matter how "silly" it is.

I'll start.

Mine is "Seishun bus guide" by Berryz Kōbō. Yeah, the Inazuma Eleven ending.

Go!

[mistas-thicc-ass]

You can make it all go away

[voidsiblings]

I want everyone to know that when I tag Hollow with #baby it's not because I'm infantilizing them. It's because they're baby. thanks for coming to my TED talk

[orfisheus]

Every time I see someone in the Eddsworld fandom mention that they recently joined with the Beyond episodes, I'm thrown aback by the realization that they were lucky enough not to be in the fandom during the 2015-2019 stretch, where half the fandom was either weirdos or ableist, the only content after The End was edgy future AUs, nearly every popular fanartist got cancelled, and everyone was making fanart and fanworks for TB*TF. By god, you all are lucky souls.

(Inspired by @/lubotomies' Trick or Treat thing this year. Gave me massive remembrances of. Everything I've seen,, Go give them a follow!!)

[sketchmre]

i think a very interesting icebreaker question for any artist is their thoughts on the phrase "consuming art" or "[i need to/want to/ought to] consume art".

does it inherently take away from the point of art because it treats it like a consumable good? is it more akin to those homoerotic depictions of love as consumption? does it best represent primal emotions in response to art? does it not matter?

[ourpleferret]

My love for AB is completely taking over my personality. In fact, it is my entire personality at this point

[evilblot]

It has been made known to me that Ferrell has made another movie. (Un)Fortunately he's only dubbing the main character since it's a movie about talking dogs, but hey beggars can't be choosers right?