#provider mindset

[luvblushed]

I went on a date with a 40-year-old which is the oldest I’ve dated so far and was not prepared for the fact that I did not have to open the car door! That’s lesson number one! But I was ever so slightly tipsy. 

He opened it for me to get in and then when we arrived he took off his seatbelt to open it to let me out but I opened my own door and hopped out. Haha awkward! Him taking off his seatbelt was obviously the signal that I was to sit back and wait for him to walk around and open my door. 

lts a learning process! Ideally I would like to set the precedent that I am very much accustomed to princess treatment, and that is what will be expected, but the fact is I’m not. I’m very inexperienced after having been in a long term relationship since high school and all through university. 

It takes a while to train yourself to expect the most from the men (and women!) that you date when you are used to getting scraps or only getting princess treatment inconsistently. I really only got it when he was in a good mood, or to lure me back in when I was pulling away, now I will have it all the time, forever, or I’ll be single. Those are the only two options. 

I am naturally good at showing appreciation though. He sent back a drink he’d paid for just because it had a garnish that I was allergic to that was not listed on the menu. I told him I appreciated that gesture a lot. When you show appreciation it’s a very powerful way of making the person you are dating crave more, they want to get that validation again and again. They associate spoiling you and respecting you with a deep sense of satisfaction. One simple yet specific thank-you and he was beaming for an hour! 

[financeprincess]

Hair: $150

Lashes: $115

Mani/pedi: $100

Brazilian waxes: $100

Facials: $75

Brows: $50

Not to mention the gym, organic food and supplements, healthcare costs, dental work, or other cosmetic work. And yet in the mainstream women are expected to pay half or more than half the bills? Absolutely absurd. Firm pass on that

[adipostsstuff]

New theory: at least one of Kotoko's parents is a police officer and she (and her brother most likely) were trained to become police officers themselves.

[trans-axolotl]

What is harm reduction outreach? I saw you mention it in a post.

Sure!

So I do outreach through an org in my city that provides harm reduction services to people who use drugs and sex workers. We have specific areas of the city that we go to on specific days, and also do deliveries. We also do at least one overnight shift a week to be able to better provide services to sex workers. For outreach, we hand out safer use supplies including needles, sharps bins, tourniquets, cookers, sterile water, stems, Narcan, fentanyl test strips, condoms, lube, bad date sheets, wound care supplies, food, water, etc. We also try to help provide people referrals to services like HIV and Hep C care, share what resources in the city are trans friendly and how to navigate social services with the least bullshit, and also provide peer support and harm reduction education to help people have all the information they need to make choices, and help reduce risk.

It's really important to us that we are not acting like exploitative nonprofits that come in, hoard resources, and expect people to be grateful. outreach is pretty much done entirely by people who are also drug users and sex workers. We are also really involved in local advocacy--we participate in a decriminalization campaign, a drug users union, and a sex work advocacy coalition. and i think nonprofits and government attempts to coopt harm reduction are so fucked up and actively harmful--you can't do harm reduction without also fighting to abolish the oppressive systems that are targeting drug users and sex workers. we have a lot of ties to the community that we're doing harm reduction in--for most of us it just is our community + neighborhoods lmao, and we make sure that we're always getting feedback, respecting autonomy and consent, and building mutual relationships. we've been around for a while and do have a lot of community trust, but we always want to be making sure we're respecting what people want and need instead of coming in with ideas about what services + supplies they want.

anyway. harm reduction is so fucking important to me and it's not just like, something i do to like, build my resume or to try to "save people." i'm a former sex worker and when i first started doing sex work, i didn't have any information, community, or access to anything that would have helped me to be able to work safer. it fucked me up pretty bad and i survived a lot of violence. i wish so fucking badly i had all those things, and it's super important to me to try to build community, care for each other, resist fucked up systems and protect each other.

[heymacy]

hi! i haven’t seen mickeyless seasons so i wanted to ask if ian ever has issues about being bipolar like he did with mickey? like him breaking up in s5 for not wanting to see mickey hurt and s10 when he asks if he’s crazy for wanting to be with him! i think i read somewhere that caleb? maybe had a talk about self love or whatever to ian but that dude was horrendous ( not that trevor was best for what ive seen ) so im not sure that counts ahah

hi anon!

yes, ian grappling with his disorder is a very very big theme throughout seasons 6, 7, 8, and 9. in fact i would argue that aside from him becoming an EMT, the bipolar storyline is his most significant one (i typed out my response and it got very long so i'm going to put it below the cut 💛)

in s6 he is fresh off of the diagnosis, the breakup, and coping with mickey going to prison (and he was definitely trying to cope, he still loved him and seeing someone you love locked up is immeasurably hard. i feel like we don't talk about this enough). he feels very aimless and it isn't until an incident (he's a bystander to a car crash and rescues a woman from a burning vehicle) that he finds his new path (becoming an EMT, which he does by the end of s6). caleb was absolutely awful in so many ways but the one good thing he did do was encourage and support ian in finding a new life path, which is the only credit i will give him. there's also a deleted scene in s6 that is so, so important re: understanding how mentally ill people are viewed and treated in society and of course ian's monologue about how he's good at his job because of his illness, which is one of my favorite scenes in the entire show.

in s7, he's getting healthy again and taking his meds, but it isn't without struggle. there's a very poignant and important scene (part one, part two) with lip where he expresses his struggles with his disorder and how hard it is for him to cope with taking his meds and listening to the warning signs for episodes (he was behaving in ways akin to a hypomanic episode/showing signs of slipping into an episode just before the conversation happens). by the end of the season, after he leaves mickey at the border, he's still relatively stable, but the emotional triggers of leaving mickey behind + monica's death start to take a toll on him, which we see in s8. there's also the trevor of it all in s7, but that's a whole other issue. trevor did not have a positive impact on ian's self-esteem whatsoever and even went so far as to demand ian forgive monica and "move on" after knowing 0.1% of the history between the two of them. that scene in particular makes me unfathomably angry and i just know it was deeply, deeply triggering for ian to hear that from someone he cared about.

in s8, we have the gay jesus storyline, which i absolutely detest and hate to discuss, but it's part of his story and it needs to be acknowledged. he's taken advantage of a lot this season, propelled towards some sort of fucked up end goal with very little control over his circumstances, and it quickly spirals out of control. while the writers never explicitly state that ian is hypo/manic during this season, you can watch the progression happen if you pay close enough attention. despite not being given a lot to work with, cameron did a great job at playing the nuances of bipolar disorder this season, showing ian's descent into hypo/mania as the gay jesus movement grows and warps.

in s9, he's in prison for the first time and is noticeably manic. after being released, he starts seeking out meaning and purpose in religion. eventually he's forced to face the consequences of his actions and pleads not guilty to arson by reason of insanity, not only defying the wishes of the gay jesus followers (they feared him going public with his diagnosis and pleading insanity would delegitimize the movement) but also finally choosing to really acknowledge his disorder, reckon with it, and make peace with it, in a strange sort of way. it's a very important and pivotal moment for his character and cameron absolutely delivers during his plea monologue.

if you've see s10 you know how his self-worth takes a hit regarding the marriage storyline, and how he's so terrified of marrying mickey because 1) he doesn't know if he's capable of being a good partner because he doesn't feel like he had good examples of healthy marriage standards growing up and 2) he isn't sure mickey knows what he's signing up for re: his disorder and everything it entails. which, of course, is not the case, because mickey doesn't love him in spite of his disorder, he loves him completely, and his disorder is just a part of that. he wants all of him, always, and that's a huge plot point in s10 and s11 ("i gotta worry, you're my husband" scene my absolute beloved).

anyway. the short answer is that yes, ian spends a lot of time grappling with his disorder and the realities of life as a bipolar human. he deals with issues regarding his self-worth, his purpose, and his relationships. speaking as a bipolar individual, i can say with absolute certainty that coming to terms with your diagnosis is a long, arduous process that takes many years and a lot of commitment to achieve. it's not easy, and though the writers dropped the ball on a LOT of storylines in the show, they did a pretty damn good job of showing how hard it is to cope and live with the realities of bipolar disorder and everything that entails.

if you ever want to see more of his journey, gallavichscenes on youtube has playlists of all of ian's scenes in season 6, season 7, season 8, and season 9. i highly recommend watching the show in its entirety but if you don't want to do that, i recommend at the very least watching the rest of ian's storyline. it colors so much of his story and mickey's and it's hard to fully comprehend the extent of their relationship without understanding that storyline. i hope this answered your question! sending tons and tons of love 💛

[onlinewealthcreater]

When in doubt, allow God to whisper in your ear, "I am your provider."

[designernishiki]

okay hot take time with tumblr user designernishiki yet again.

i really don’t get the hype over majimako like. at all. I’ve tried to wrap my head around it but every time I just end up so confused how it’s such a popular pairing and wondering if we played the same game like?? they had no chemistry, barely even knew each other (and what they did know of each other was almost entirely built off desperate traumabonding) and people treat the pairing like it’s the most deep, romantic thing in the world despite there being like. nothing there. at least romantically speaking. it’s honest to god baffling to me.

their most iconic “romantic” image together comes from a scene where makoto wants to fucking run away from him because she wants to find lee, who she fully trusts and who’s in danger (and probably also because majima’s literally just admitted to initially planning to murder her.) and he has to hold her there so she doesn’t get herself killed by running (literally) blindly into the street or something. how on earth is that a romantic scene.

their little sort-of date consists of majima being kind and sympathetic to her, sure, maybe even displaying some surface level feelings, but she’s completely preoccupied because of the massively important issues going on at the time with the lieutenants who wronged tachibana, she’s more or less probably plotting their deaths in her head during that scene, and in the end she purposefully has him run to get takoyaki so she can flat out Leave without him stopping her. because she has other priorities and is Not In The Headspace For A Soft Sentimental Escapade to say the absolute least.

Whatever they were, they were not In Love, they didn’t have time or circumstances for that, or to get to know one another as Actual People rather than as incidental liferafts in the midst of a sea of traumatic, nightmarish events. majima attached himself to her and felt strongly about her safety and eventual return to normalcy because she reminded him of himself and wanted her to have the pleasant civilian life he couldn’t give himself. on her end? honestly I don’t think she felt that connected to him at all up until the end, namely up until when he fixed her watch. and even then “romantic” is not even close to the word id use for what she was feeling– in fact I think that waters it down, if anything. I mean like fuck she was there bringing flowers to her brother’s grave in the spot where he died in front of her i really don’t think this was about romanticism, it was about compassion and selflessness and wishing her good luck in her new, free life, while expecting nothing from her in return. he cared about her and her outcome in life deeply and this would be the case regardless of any romantic feelings for her.

Anyway I didn’t mean for this to turn into an essay and somehow I could go on for longer but I absolutely do not need to. I just. am so secure in my thoughts about this and sometimes seeing how people talk about this relationship and it’s supposed deep romanticism makes me feel like I’m losing my mind or played a completely different game or something ngl. don’t get me wrong, ship whatever you want I’m not saying it’s problematic or something it’s just. bizarre to me how popular and sensationalized it is. and a little frustrating how applying this overdramatic romantic narrative to them can so often water down a dynamic that’s way more nuanced and interesting on an individual character level.

[fellhellion]

hey Tunes, do you know whats happening in the Miguel tag? I'm too afraid to check it out myself so thought I'll ask you.

essentially the atsv screenplay was released two or so days ago, which you can read in its entirety here, and there has been valid crirtique regarding the language utilised to describe Miguel within said screenplay, including allusions to bloodlust and the screenplay describing him as an animal twice I believe.

[sarcasrnspasrn]

↑↑↑ NARC!!!! ↑↑↑

[heyclickadee]

Something something about there being an island of the lotus eaters/warren of the snares (mostly warren of the snares) aspect to Pabu (the place, not the episode) despite it being a wholesome place. It’s not in any of its characteristics but in the way it functions in the story and how that function relates to Hunter, specifically. Something about how sandwiching Hunter’s discussion with Echo about staying on Pabu permanently in between scenes of Echo rescuing clones from the Empire and the Crosshair torture segments paints that tentative decision as the wrong one. How Hunter��s and Wrecker’s decision to just give up and stay on Pabu forever is that of two people in the very early, very raw stages of grief, for whom the thought of putting each other or Omega in danger ever again for any reason has just become unthinkable, and how that choice is taken out of their hands by Hemlock hours after they make it.

Something something something about how unlike the island of the lotus eaters or the warren of the snares, Pabu isn’t an empty distraction or twisted; it’s a good place, a genuinely good place full of good people, and it doesn’t just offer the batch comfort and refuge. It offers them purpose in a way they haven’t had since “Aftermath.” They’re able to help people. They have reason to be there. Phee did a good thing by bringing them there, not just because it helped them, but because they were able to help Pabu, too. They saved tens if not hundreds of lives because they were there, they initially stayed to help people who lost their homes and most everything else rebuild, and that’s a good thing. Going was never a problem, and neither was that initial decision to stay a while and help out, but outstaying that, choosing to stay forever while everything else in the galaxy is happening, even though Pabu is good and would be good for them, is. It’s a choice that would keep Hunter from moving forward, growing, and finally confronting the issues he’s going to need to confront. Something about how I don’t think Pabu is going to be the final destination on any of the batchers’ journeys because of that, but that because of its goodness it might be a template for a community they end up building elsewhere. Something about a more in-depth post about this that’s sitting in my drafts and not coming together in the most frustrating way, so I’m posting this short version instead.

[skunkes]

learning some more

[devoursbears]

I think there's something to be said about the whole "if a cat sits on you it is illegal to move/disturb them. you are trapped now" thing. I know it is a goof, a gaf, a jolly silly time but. as someone who sure does operate based on The Rules, I have had so many nights where I didn't go to bed on time, or couldn't do my Required Tasks for the day because I was scared of breaking the Sacred Law of Not Disturbing the Kitty.

Waking up my precious cat because my legs are asleep and I need to go to the bathroom? Forbidden! the brain gremlins say. What will others think of you? suffer instead! Let the kitty be comfy!!

Cat get in the way of work on a computer or at the desk? they're helping!!! it is cute and good and wonderful!!! you move Cat? you move cat away from your work like a pile of laundry? Jail!! Jail for 1 million years!!!

IDK man, I just think there might be a connection between that kind of mindset and the whole "Doing anything for others comfort despite my own wellbeing" mindset that interferes with a lot of us doing better than we could be doing.

so uh.

Here is your permission to get up and move your cat. There's no consequences. Your cat probably doesn't mind and if they do they will forgive you (especially for treats if you can't stand the thought of even a potential betrayal).

now go. be free :3

[barbieaiden]

you know just in general i think the attitude that stuff that doesn't directly pertain to sims doesn't belong on simblr is really stupid because i honestly don't think i'd still be on simblr if no one posted about anything else

[eorzeashan]

It's really ironic that Eight was made as a direct contrast to the feeling of helplessness and powerlessness that Ciphers (particularly Nine with having their free will stolen unable to even ask for help) experience but his character has grown so much in that protector role that he misses that helplessness-- especially that of being an infant. Misses being weak and small an half-blind and relying on his parents for warmth and safety. He can't cry for his mother, or be surrounded on all sides by someone or something that would fight for him, tooth and nail. When you grow your fangs, you can never return to being so young-- you are the protector now and it is your duty to fight.

[good-beanswrites]

Normal lunch break behavior: printing out the two drabbles, annotating them, and figuring out how to draw them

I'll need more than just a lunch break to process my thoughts, but (1) thank you for the treat! (2) I imagine that these drabbles coexist in the same AU. (3) "Can we be good together?" / They could be good together. (4) I'm this close to writing fanfic in this area myself.

I am normal about your normal lunch break behavior 👍

[salsflore]

ummmm