#quite think itll turn out the way i hope??

[hulahoopsoupgroup]

good evening everyone. i have decided that i need to write more, so ive made a list of ships/other platonic dynamics from genshin and hsr that i like, and i'll be writing some short blurbs about them over the next month or so

day 1: cyno x tighnari

tighnari quietly peered over the book he was reading, some 500 page tome about plants that nobody else in the house except himself understood. cyno stumbled into the living room, his red eyes dim with fatigue as he put his bag down beside the front door before going straight to tighnari, flopping down on the couch beside him and leaning his whole bodyweight against him.

tighnari put the book down onto his lap and brought one hand up to gently comb through cynos hair.

"rough day at work?"

"just very tedious. people are stupid sometimes," cyno muttered, sitting up to grab the tcg deck that he always kept on the coffee table. he quietly shuffled through the cards, arranging them on the table in different teams. tighnari could practically hear the gears turning in his head as he mulled over the best teams at his disposal, eventually pulling out a sketchbook and messily scribbling the shapes of a few exotic plants.

"how was your day?" cyno asked after a while, "hows that new class youre teaching?"

"its alright, i suppose," tighnari muses, eyes not leaving the page, "much less stuffy than the akademiya, thats for sure. less pretentious, too. i think itll turn out alright."

one of tighnaris ears twitched at the sound of quiet footsteps coming down the stairs. a timid collei crept into the room, eyes landing on cyno and tighnari. she nearly walked right back up the stairs, something the botanist had learned was a habit of hers from her old house, but tighnari softly called to her,

"hey, its alright. you can come down here if you want." he watched as the girls body language started to become more relaxed, and he began to relax as well. the past month had been quite rough on all of them, especially with the legal battles of getting custody of the 13 year old and putting her poor excuse for a father in prison. however, moments like these provided even the briefest moments of respite and glimmers of hope of a future that needn't be plagued with anxious tremors or jolting flashbacks of the past in the dead of night.

collei quietly made her way over to the couch, sitting on the side opposite to cyno and tighnari.

"how was your day, collei? did you do anything fun?" cyno asked, trading his tcg deck for a regular deck of cards and beginning to build a tower out of them on the coffee table.

"it was...good? im learning a lot of science-y stuff from mister tighnari," the girl mumbled quietly.

"your handwriting is getting quite good," tighnari said, glancing at her with a soft smile before returning to his sketches of plants that now littered the page in front of him, "almost better than cynos," he added with a chuckle.

cyno glared at him, adding another tier to his house of cards. "your handwriting is a slew of cursive, not much better than mine." tighnari elbowed him in the ribs, but cyno remained steady, and his tower of cards stayed upright.

"oh, by the way, what music were you playing in your room earlier?" tighnari asked.

"oh, i- uh," collei stuttered, "i can turn it down if you want. sorry if it was too loud..."

"no, it wasnt at all. it actually sounded familiar. i liked it a lot."

"oh. it was a lot of stuff from the 1950s, like," collei paused to remember the names of the artists, "nat king cole...frank sinatra...louis armstrong."

"i have a cd of frank sinatra in our bedroom," cyno mused as he added yet another tier to his card tower, "do you want to borrow it?"

"s-sure...by the way...is there any food in the kitchen i could use to cook? i didnt eat dinner earlier..."

"yeah, of course," tighnari said, already moving to get up.

"...i didnt have time to eat at work, either," cyno quietly said.

"then come on, you too. looks like im going to be the chef again tonight."

[rachel-of-autumnbow]

Day 10 of @fanovember: Online Dating

Vax is surprising his online girlfriend by watching her performance (and her) for the first time irl.

Vaxleth. Fucking cute i almost died writing this shit. Soft Vax. Feat Korring being the best dad. Probably grammar mistakes. Enjoy.

10. Online Dating

Vax put his phone back in his inside pocket and straightened the jacket lapels for the millionth time. He hated formal robes in general, but suits were a special kind of hatred for him. He had a comfortable set of clothes back in the motorbike chest. “Only a couple of hours,” he thought. “Then back to moving freely.” He waited until the theater doors opened and tried to sneak inside. It would have been easy, if it wasn’t for the flowers he was holding.

Kiki: im so nervous i think im gonna puke 🤮

Vax: itll be fine, its not the first time you do this

Kiki: it’s not the same today, my dad came

Vax: im sure he’ll be very proud of you

Kiki: i hope i don’t mess this up

Vax: you wont you’re a great actress

Kiki: you never saw me on stage

Kiki: or ever

Vax: yet

Kiki: anyway, i should get ready

Vax: go break a leg

Kiki: thanks babe 💚

“Hey, you, I will need your ticket, please.”

“Oh, sorry.” Vax pretended to look for his entrance ticket he didn’t have in his pockets. “I must have left it at home.”

“Sorry, sir, no entrance, no show.”

Vax nodded. “Alright, at least could you make sure to give this to Keyleth by the end of the play? Please.”

The doorman sighed. “Fine, but get out.” Vax turned around and pouted as he examined the hall for a different way to get in.

“Excuse me, young man.”

Vax looked at the man behind him, “yes, sir, I was about to leave…”

“Oh, no, it’s not that. I couldn’t help but hear you’re an admirer of my daughter?”

Vax blinked. His mind quickly showed him the pictures he had seen him in. Pictures that Keyleth had sent him or posted. “Yes, that can be said.” The man smiled in the same way Keyleth did in their facetimes. ‘I can’t believe I’ve met my girlfriend’s father in real life before even seeing her’.

“May I know your name?”

“Vax’ildan, sir.” The man stared at him for a second as they shook hands and he ended up laughing.

“Oh, so you’re that Vax! It’s a pleasure to meet you. Keyleth talks a lot about you, and now I can see why.” Vax cleared his throat and felt a hand on his shoulder. “Does she know you’re here?”

“No, sir. I had a surprise planned.”

“And you left your ticket at home.”

“Actually… The gas and the flowers took all my savings. I was going to, well…”

“Sneak in?” Vax sighed and nodded. He never felt sorry or ashamed of the things he had to do due to his lack of money, but at that moment, he would rather Kiki’s dad not know any of it. “Then consider this your lucky day, come with me.”

“Sir?” The man didn’t say anything, just went to the doorman and gave him a ticket, pointing at Vax. The guy nodded and let them both in with a gesture. Vax followed Keyleth’s father through a corridor, then up a bunch of stairs and a door that led to a box, right in front of the stage. Probably the best seats in the theater.

The man invited him to sit in one of the front seats. “I always get two tickets for Keyleth’s performances, just in case me and my wife happen to be in town to come. I could make it this time, but she didn’t.”

“Thank you, sir.” Vax sat by his side. He had never been in a box before. He could see people under him moving like a sea of heads, slowly finding their place.

Keyleth’s father, Korrin, as it happened to be his name, talked to him while they waited for the play to start. They talked about their families, friends, and how he had met Keyleth. His pocket buzzed.

Kiki: i thought they were kidding about the sold out but they werent!

“Is that her?” Korrin asked.

Vax nodded. “Yes, she’s quite anxious about today.” He was tempted to say something like ‘yeah, i can see that’, but  he didn’t want to spoil the surprise.

In that moment, the lights faded as the off voice started saying the welcoming. The play was fun, all of the actors were indeed amazing. Vax knew some of them, he had made friends with Keyleth’s circle during their relationship. He was aware, although he didn’t really care, of how dumb faced he looked when Keyleth made her first appearance.

Vax: that means there are so many people that want to see your brilliance.

Kiki: most of these are Scanlan admirers.

Vax: i refuse to believe none of them came for you

Vax: its mathematically impossible

Kiki: i thought you hated math

Vax: thats not the point

Kiki: i know 😁

Kiki: i wish you were here 😞

Vax: be careful what you wish for, it could come true

He had seen her in pictures, he had heard her in voice notes and calls, but none of that did justice to her. He imagined himself jumping out that box, running to the stage and kissing her right that moment, but he didn’t want to mess the show. He stood there, mouth half open and heart pining and longing.

Vax didn’t part eyes from the stage until the end, when the doorman entered the scene during the final bows with his bouquet. He handed it to Keyleth, who read the note and started scanning the crowd. Vax stood up and thanked Korrin for everything before heading out.

He waited in the hall for quite some time, he saw everyone go out and half an hour later, even Korrin waved at him when he was heading out. “I didn’t tell her a word. She’ll be out soon.”

Vax smiled, although he has a bundle of nerves. “Thanks.”

Ten more minutes passed and he heard steps in the hall. "Vax?" He turned around and he felt his heart splutter.

"Hey, Kiki." He could only catch her and spin around in a hug. Her hair smelled like freshly cut grass and her laughter was probably the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard.

"I can't believe you're here." Keyleth pulled away to look at him.

Vax put a lock of her hair behind her ear. "I told you to be careful what you wish for."

Keyleth's smile became even brighter. "Did you watch the show too?"

Vax stroked her face, unable to believe he was actually doing what he had been dreaming of for so long. "Yeah, you're amazing, you know?"

"I-I mean… you came all the way to see me."

"Yeah… I also came to do something else."

"Really? Wha—"

Vax didn't hold the kiss anymore.

[whilomm]

these are claims from a different whistleblower than the one that was totally not murdered by boeing

(disclaimer, im not an expert and this article doesnt go into a ton of detail on the specific issues, so i could be a lil off, these are very much non-expert speculation rambles. anyone who understands better, feel free to correct me/add more deets).

if im reading it right these claims get into the way boeing has been outsourcing more and more manufacturing of parts to other companies, such as for the fuselage (the plane body as a whole, big tube u sit in). if those parts dont quite fit together right (and keep in mind the margins of error on these things can be VERY small in some cases, though im not sure exactly how much wiggle room they got here), that can lead to too much stress on certain parts.

like, for example, if one part of the fuselage is just baaaarely too big for the next part it connects to, it might all seem to fit together perfectly fine, but every time it takes off and lands or goes thru compression cycles (that is when they take off and land, going from low pressure-high pressure-low pressure), it just puts a BIT too much pressure on where they join. and over the years, that pressure just adds up until theres microscopic stress fractures, which become slightly larger stress fractures, until they get big enough that once a plane reaches a high enough altitude theres a midair disentegration, which is. exactly as bad as it sounds.

(sidenote: compression cycles can be more important for determining an airplanes lifespan than flight hours. the usual metaphor is bending a paperclip back and forth until it breaks, how many times can you bend it before metal fatigue sets in and it just snaps. holding it in a more bent position however will take a lot longer to snap it generally.)

now to be clear, every single plane has an intended service life, and its well known that planes can only take so many compression cycles before they start to get really hard to maintain without going kablooey. a plane may be rated for like, idk, 50k compression cycles (so, taking off and landing 50k times before its retired, because after that its no longer worth the maintenance vs just making a new plane). but if it turns out that plane has some flaw in its build that means itll develop fatal stress factures at only 20k cycles, well. thats bad. not sure exactly how the schedule on looking for stress factures looks like for maintenece crews (do they do it regularly for all planes on a set schedule? do they only do it occasionally for new planes, and start to ramp up checks as the plane gets older? dunno!) but well. generally speaking, a plane having a fatal flaw that gives it an explosive midlife crisis is Bad. i would hope theyd catch it! but i dont know enough about the deets of fuselage maintenence to know the specifics.

and OH YAY COMPOSITE MATERIALS. now, before anyone gets too freaked out thinking about the uh. submarine. use of composite materials is actually far more common on planes than on subs for a buncha reasons. one, planes just generally undergo a lot less in terms of pressure (that futurama joke, "this spaceship can handle between one and zero atmospheres", vs subs that have to deal with tens to potentially hundreds of atmospheres) but also because apparently, for complicated material engineering reasons, composite materials work much better under tension (high pressure INSIDE pushing OUT, like airplane) than under compression (high pressure OUTSIDE pushing IN, like submarine). heres a vid from someone who wrote their masters on composite materials under compression if you wanna hear from someone slightly smarter on the subject. im not gonna pretend like i understand the full deets, but "composites do OKAY with tension" is enough for me, go read the fancy scientific papers if you want more.

now, so that people do freak out at least a little bit: hm. dont like that they are using Way More Composite Than Usual on this plane. how much is the usual? idk, i assume composites are much more popular with low altitude small aircraft (bc well, weight and less pressure worries), dunno whats considered normal for high altitude longhaul crafts. but, apparently, the dreamliner is "more than usual". which, yeah cool, lighter weight airplanes use less fuel which is better for longhaul flights. is it. well tested enough though???

...anyway. im not an engineer, idk the full Deets, but well. havin lotsa fun hearing the engineers talk about how the parts of the giant metal skybirds dont fit together quite right and theyre using materials that fail more catastrophically than metal with less warning, experimentally, and we dont quiiiite have the data to know if. its a problem. thats really fun! LOVE hearing about how much theyre outsourcing parts, given how bad quality control of things as tiny as the titanium in some bolts or a little bit of the engine blades being not properly vacuum forged has lead to catastrophic failure in the past, and knowing how important sourcing of parts in airplanes is. all VERY yay!

[arthur-lesters-balls]

i have! so much! i wanna! talk about!

i know i got to stop wasting my free time thinking and go back to listening. however, before i do that theres only one thought i really need to put somewhere so lets go i'll make it quick

i just wanna talk about the confession arthur made about the cannibalism that happened in the dreamlands

im not going to talk about the faustian bargain, im not going to talk about how great was the choice of cannibalism since the act of eating meat is well known when it comes to representing earthly desires, and im not going to talk about how they made the value of this exchange very clear with not only john's suffering but also how arthur looks back at it. yeah, i wanna talk about it, its beautifully written! but i wont because i said this would be quick

my favorite part, the chosen one to stop me from talking about the faustian bargain, is the wonderful "twist" that was made to this relatively common narrative moment, and what it says about john and arthur!!!

it was not that difficult to guess arthur had to resort to killing someone, not only because of the nature of that prison but also because they were calling that piece of bone they had by a very specific human name (otherwise that would be so funny lmao) but i hadnt really given a thought about what that meant to john with his ability to see peoples death, so that surprised me

its obvious that his ability is directly connected with humaneness, theres no way to make it clearer than the fact that john started to have it after arthur's coma (or that it literally makes an immortal being experience death). but arthur being the responsible one for that death just adds so much to it

and once again i could go on and on about how thats (to me) similar to a bunch of other events in the story where arthurs perspective of humans doesnt match his own actions, and how the consequences of some of his choices help john to experience humanity, but i wont, because i said it would be quick

arthur lied to john because he wanted to be extra cruel while killing that man, and then john was the one who was forced to empathize with him, reliving that death thousands of times. and the unnecessary cruelness arthur chose had its weight

in my opinion, as we can see with larson too, arthurs regret about his daughter is currently being coped through lashing out at anyone who commits any sin that comes any close to resembling his mistake. arthur judges john for killing in a non-reactive way, saying those are the acts of a monster, but hes starting to find ok to do something that fits the same classification, as long as he sees this specific fault in the person

and its funny because they had their most recent fight precisely because john also killed someone (two people actually) in a non-reactive way and arthur reminded him of it

i think theres a lot of potential around this. i hope that now that john is back this also turns around and john receives an opportunity to question arthurs choice about faust (and the wish to kill larson too i guess). knowing john itll probably be quite different from the way arthur did it, he'll probably be trying to help arthur to think straight about what hes doing, but that just makes it more interesting tbh

[menalez]

hope this isn't a bad time, on anon bc crypto but i am SUFFERING and idk who to turn to atm. right now one of my best friends is a nonbinary tif (she's an angel, her gender identity isn't too obstructive) and is like....considering transition in the future. but she's so close to peaking she literally confessed to me 2 weeks ago that she'd be completely happy with her body if men didn't sexualize her (and society wasn't so cruel to "afabs", her words), and she actively wishes she could just be a woman without feeling terrified of what her body would "cause" men to do......and THEN after all that said she was sure she was just born trans and this is the way it is, and still considers herself a man. i felt like i was going to pass out from stress likeeee what IS this.......i'm just so scared for her because i rly rly don't want her to transition, she said herself she's unsure because she doesn't really want to stop being a woman (shes "genderfluid") and binding makes her uncomfortable bc she doesn't want to lose her breasts...but like if i say pls don't transition or if i question her identity itll blow my cover immediately. she's already so traumatized i'm just so scared of her making things even worse for herself

but u know this friend well enough, do u rly think simply pointing out what was said in the past about it and asking about that would suddenly create wariness around u? bc that sounds quite extreme to me. ive been frank with the people i care about about this and made it clear that if its what they want then thats their choice yknow and it doesnt change how i feel about them, but bring up that theyve stated they feel xyz in the past and that theres so many people who transition and then realise thats not what they wanted and it can be pretty tough to cope w never got any bad reactions, for me. idk maybe i dont know people extremist enough about it but when ive said that, where i was coming from has always been clear so .. i reckon thats the case for friends in general right?

[goremet-chef]

vent. mind the tags

grieving with bpd is so... i wont say its worse or anything cuz im really not about that shit, anyone and almost everyone can and has felt this pain before, its a constant of life, but.. when im not actively sobbing and depressed and my mood switches up, it makes me feel so guilty. i should be spending that time in misery, i should be wailing and wiping more snot from my nose and my head should hurt worse like it was a few minutes ago, but yknow. emotional permanence n all that

its so funny, they keep trying to get me to believe in god, she says he'll show himself to me and ill find him my own way. i respect that she at least respects im not there yet (i dont think ill ever be truthfully but we can agree to disagree), but i just keep losing more and more, and any faith i had gets ripped away in an instant. there is no god worth worshipping, because someone worth worshipping would not put me through this pain again and again and again

3 pets dead within a YEAR. riley died june 29, 2022, talcum died in october of 2022, and now artemis, today. may 24. it hasnt even been a full year since riley died. i cant keep doing this man

i find myself less hopelessly despaired and choking on my spit wailing sad like the last two, only because im started to.. lose faith in everything. i feel cynical, it makes me MAD

because i did everything right this time. with riley, i made the mistake of even THINKING that it couldve been cancer, and then it was. i know that wasnt my fault, he had the tumor before i even came to visit and before we took him to the vet, but its still incredibly hard not to blame myself for that. talcum died of stress, because bruce kept jumping on his bird cage. i was so ashamed with myself that my MOM (who doesnt even view our pets as family, more like accessories) noticed talcum wasnt singing like he used to. i didnt even notice until the day after when my sibling was on the phone with every vet he could call to see if they took birds

i was optimistic this time, because it looked hopeful! it seemed like she would be okay, i told myself itll be fine and that we'll fix her up and she'll live longer because she deserves to. obviously that was completely useless because shes dead now, so none of that mattered. i didnt even get to say goodbye to her. i said bye when i left my grandmas house a few days ago, but.. its not the same.

i did everything right this time and obviously it didnt fucking matter because theres no fixing that. theres nothing you can do, death is the worst part of life and it never goes away. never gets easier, you can never outrun it. it makes me so sad that the ones who dont deserve it get it first. i know they were old cats but artemis wasnt THAT old. she probably wouldve lived happily for quite some time after, if everything turned out good. ive known them since i was 7. theyve been in my life forever, and now theyre both gone

god it hurts so much, it never gets easier. i just feel so hopeless right now. i wish i could freeze time, and we could just exist as we are forever. but i cant do that

[pacifymebby]

Hey bestie im not sure if you still check this blog but it’s age gap crush anon here! I wanted to get in touch with you on your new blog but I don’t know if I could bare the humiliation of revealing my identity to you since you only have your dms open not asks/anons.

But basically im back with some big updates! So the guy who I was kinda seeing who was the rebound from AGC (age gap crush) ended up being wishy washy. He just wasn’t what I expected and when I skied him what we were after 2.5 months of talking and having had sex he said he thought of us as just friends 🤡. So I made it clear to him that I would be seeing other people and seeing him as ONLY a FRIEND. We still talk a bit but not as much and I will not be getting intimate with him again.

Now for the second update it’s about actual AGC. So it was his birthday recently and I shot him a happy birthday and he was very happy I did and then I ended up seeing him when I went out tonight we got to chatting and catching up and we talked until he left. It went so well and it was so fun. So when he got home he sent me a message saying to message him next time I’m at our favourite bar… I don’t even know what to say or do cause obviously he broke my heart but I also just miss being friends with him :/ And I don’t even know if he was just being friendly or if he’s actually interested in me again??? Sorry for the big update girly. I hope you’re doing well and are feeling good!! 💕💕

Hey lovely i am so sorry i didnt realise i didnt have anon turned on in my other ask box!!!!!

Its so nice to have an update, i love hearing from you and i really missed not hearing from you whilst i was away!

I think that was a healthy and solid decision from you about wishy washy rebound man, he sounds like he wasnt what you wanted at all and idk, you can do better i think. Its also quite telling if now youre not having sex the rest of that relationship peters out, itll show that there was no depth to your connection and that you werent even really meant to be friends. But if he keeps talking to you and stuff without you giving him sex then thats nice and at least you have a pal.

I mean generally men wont ask you to contact them again unless they want you to.i think if he was just being polite he wouldnt have said for you to let him know next time youre there.

It also sounds like from what went down, that you had a connection and liked eachother. I couldnt say whether he still has feelings for you or not but id say him reaching out to you and wanting to be friends at least shows you he has respect for you in a way or a desire to spend time with you.

I think you should try and be casual about it, and be guarded too, he broke your heart and you cant be certain he wont do it again. But didnt he end things last time because he was still fucked up from his last relationship? He maybe just needed time, and hes maybe realised hes missed you you never know?

I think its worth maintaining the friendship and seeing what happens next. Dont let your feelings run away with you, even though i know that can be difficult. I think dont wait around on him coming back like that too long, but you can give him time.

Thank u for the update lovely, manifesting positive things for you and less wishy washy confusing men!!! ❤️❤️❤️

[rosencrantzsguildenstern]

Note here. How's the Enstaring going? Any faves yet? Any secret cries for help? But really, I'm very happy you're playing! I hope it goes well!

hey note!!! i loveeee alkaloid i think all of them but im a little biased towards tatsumi bc hes cute in a specific way that i like. i have him and arashi in my office rn and i love checking in w him and having his tiny little chibi say little christian things to me

i like mayoi a lot too, i think my preferences go tatsumi>mayoi>aira>hiiro but i really like them all! not just cause they’re the main focus but because of their awkward misfit vibes and the dynamics within the group :)

then i knew about a couple of the characters before starting and arashi was my fave from what i knew, so i made her my homescreen background at the beginning and i am pretty attached to her :) and then i like niki and leo! i also went very out of my way to get a himeru card because i think i’ll end up liking him a lot

im also fascinated by how much the game acknowledges stuff as weird. ill see something and itll just be a little note and im like “huh!” and then they actually talk about it and im like oh…. woah… like not just the capitalism n cults but like… airas constantly mean to hiiro and then they actually talk about it and why; stuff like that. i like how things aren’t always just a gimmick but actually get dealt with

also the production quality is insane!! EVERY SONG gets an mv…. i love it.

though tbh ive been struggling with enstars a bit lately? 1) it’s addictive, 2) i looked at the wiki and realized a lot of things i was really curious about haven’t gotten resolution yet or turn out to be really surface level (also like… niki’s a chef, his father was a chef, and he’s got a disorder that makes him constantly hungry? that’s so reductive and recursive around one trope it feels like bad writing), and 3) last night i learned hiiro and rinne were originally conceived as ainu characters which feels like… really sus with how their characters are presented? idk, it’ll depend on how removed it turns out to be, like i dont know anything abt ainu people but as long as for example the monarchy and systems they have are made up i think im chill with it but right now im like. HM. and realizing how many sus things could go over my head w lack of jpnese cultural knowledge. so ive been lowkey considering quitting the game bc it takes up too much of my time for something i dont LOVE but seeing you get hyped abt it and getting to talk about what i do like in it has made me back away from that idea a bit

[namuneulbo]

week eighty-six

i was so busy on sunday so i couldnt post in time. sorry!! ill write and post this now at 1 am on monday. it was a good sunday though, cute person at the till but i got so flustered i forgot to look at their last name when i ided them so i just know his first name and middle name loool. went to the bar after work w c, l and s. we then went for food and ate in the school cafeteria. a cute security guard came after a while and asking for us to show our keys to prove we could be there lol.

ive been listening to loooots of saosin. im so in love w their stuff. so the sotw is obvious hehe.

okay now ill go through the week in order lol.

monday i dont really remember. just work.

i had a shorter shift on tuesday, only four hours! afterwards i met up w e and e and we walked around town and then had some food and then went to some shops. it was fun and time went by so fast.

on wednesday i thought id have to rawdog the music quiz and just go alone and hope id find someone ik there to play w BUT c came home just in time so she joined me along w d, e and s. s left before the results and d and e left right after the results. we did HORRIBLY!!! we came like,, 9th ??? out of 14 probably?

s joined us afterwards and m also joined in after a bit. i thought it was a lot of fun but apparently ive now gotten the news that s is... a bit weird. idk, i always thought my friends were kind of,,, making him seem worse than he is but ig im starting to understand what they find so odd ab him and back on wednesday i still enjoyed his company. after talking for a while, m left to go to another table and c and i were left w s. h joined us at one point and omg i was so excited ab it, i think hes so cool and cute and sweet and i kind of fangirled internally. like truly its not like a crush or anything, hes just so sweet and funny so i was so excited to talk to him. THEN..... D JOINED??? idk if ive talked ab him too much on here but basically hes just this bassist dude whos so fucking cool to me and ive never spoken to him and before this i hadnt even sat at the same table as him or stood within the same circle as him. ig this experience was quite humbling though lol i think i made him up to be more talkative and louder than he actually is. nothing bad ab that i just realized ive probably made him way cooler in my mind than he is irl. hes just human lol. hes still cool to me though but i need to mention that its funny that c had literally said to me like “girl, ur hyping him up way too much. hes just a man.” and now i was indeed proved right. he is just a guy lol. its kind of become an inside joke by now though and i like that ive created that correlation to him now so itll always be in the back of esp c and ls minds. i did fangirl a lot when he sat down at our table out of nowhere though and it was so funny bc c kept giving me a look.

d left quite quickly to go to talk to others and after a while me, c, h and ss convo turned into a film bro convo bc apparently all three of them r film bros and i havent seen like,, any movies so they started listing movies from every era and of every genre that i had to watch and it was so funny. after they had been listing stuff for a good 15 minutes they finally said dead poets society and i could finally be like “IVE SEEN THAT ONE”. i then watched interstellar the next day... no reason why i specifically watched that one...

after watching interstellar on thursday, i got so inspired to go learn cornfield chase on piano so i ran to school at 12 am but obviously it was closed. i knew it would be but sometimes the gates might still be open or something so there r loopholes but yeah, not this time. i checked every door lol. i still havent gone to practice it. i practiced a little bit at home on the keyboard but it sounds so bad and its so hard to play, mainly ergonomically.

friday! played sims all day and then went for a drink w t. we then went for a walk and then got some food to end the evening. i love them sm <3

saturday was work again but it was a five hour shift that went by pretty fast and it was such a weird shift lol. theres this guy that comes in every now and then and weve always had this little tension between us, like a pretty obvious romantic tension. i remember all the times hes been at the till while i was working. one time he was also just in the store while i was fixing some shelves, i think i was specifically organizing cat food? anyways, first time, i actually cant remember fully if it was him but im pretty sure?? idk, like i said, i get flustered when i see pretty ppl so i just remember a BIG tension and his hand shaking a bit when holding his card to the card reader. second time he bought cigarettes and i ided him and TURNS OUT ITS A GUY I WENT TO ELEMENTARY W LOLLLL. hes two years older than me and all i remember of him is that he used to show me gore on the computer at the after school thingy we were at. honestly shaped me a lot as a child probably. i wonder if he remembers me from that as well. anyways. he bought food some other time too and i remember just really feeling the tension still. like its sm fun??? like how u can feel that we both find each other so attractive yet no one says anything apart from just smiling and doing like a specific type of eye contact and just like idk... speaking in a certain tone ig??? its sm fun. hes so hotttttt. anyways on saturday he came in twice, once w his friend (who i also know and hes not a great guy sooooooo) and that time his friend was just buying cigarettes but he stayed away for some reason and like fully turned his back to me lol idk what that was ab but then after an hour or so he came in alone to buy some quick meal and the tension was back. i think he mightve genuinely just avoided me the first time bc he didnt want his friend to know??? or am i being totally delusional rn?

later that shift d shows up. THE d. we were both as surpised lol i just looked up from my phone when i heard someone start piling up stuff on the conveyor belt and then i meet eyes w him and his eyes widen just as much as mine and hes like “hi!” and im like “hi!”. we dont say anything else but it was just so funny and i keep smiling lol. hes so iconic to me. maybe a little hot too but like mostly iconic. i think. he is QUITE hot though... like to be fucking fair....

THEN omg. this was so fucking funny and i laughed ab it for the rest of my shift. this guy came in to buy alcohol and he was young so he showed id before i even got to asking him for it and his name is literally the same as w, my crush. FIRST AND LAST NAME WERE THE SAME??? what a fucking coincidence??????? it was so funny and i had to keep myself from bursting out in laughter in front of him it was so fucking weird. i didnt think w had THAT common of a name. like yeah first name sure, one of the more common ones for his age but like first and last name??? woah.

anyways, thats a fucking wrap.

sotw: saosin - racing toward a red light

[reaverdrawssometimes]

a lil sneak at a thing im working on

[sevendeadlymorons]

Can you do something with an MC whose abuser is trying to get back into their life? I just need some fluffy hurt/comfort. Or rage. Whatever you feel is applicable. Sorry I'm not familiar with sending requests but I like your posts! 💖

Thank you! And your request was good, don’t even worry, I’ll get right on to it

Brothers Reaction to MC’s Abuser Trying to get Back Into Their Life

—————————————

Lucifer

Overbearingly overprotective of you sometimes when he first found out

Hearing all about your past abuser and what they did to you made him angry and like he wanted to protect you more than ever

There was no way in hell he’s letting someone who abused you in the past back into your life

He’ll constantly be by your side, hand wrapped around your waist and pulling you closer when others walked too close to you

He’s paranoid enough to send one of his brothers with you if he was too busy to go somewhere with you

If they ever found you, you’ll see his true protective side as he grips your wrist firmly and pulls you away from them, whilst showing them exactly who you belong to now and what they’re up against

Treats you afterwards to tea and cake and even bought you a small pendant and a rose at a nearby store since you looked so scared and that made him upset

Blocks the number from your phone and advises you to call him if you ever see them again; he’ll come and show them what happens if they mess with his loved ones

Mammon

Extremely over protective, more so than usual

He saw your phone ringing multiple times one day after you left it on it’s own, so he asked you about it, only to find out it was your past abuser

To say he wasn’t scared shitless would be a total lie as he desperately clings to your side whenever you think to go out alone, his arm wrapped tightly around yours

He’ll never let them near you, forget allowing them back into your life, are they crazy?

If your abuser ever finds you, he’ll have his hand wrapped tightly around your waist, pulling you away from them and baring his fangs as a warning

He was about to punch ‘em when they stepped too close to you, reaching out to grab your wrist, but you calmed him down immediately and left

Took you home straight away after you looked panicked and held you in his arms for a while rubbing your back soothingly, reminding you that it’ll be ok and that he’ll never leave you

Tells you to block them and call him if you ever see them again, he’ll protect you from anything and anyone, no matter the circumstances

Leviathan

His clingy side comes out when he first found out about it

First hearing about it was somewhat terrifying to think about to him, and he hates the person who’d ever think of laying their hands on you

The fact they were trying to get back into your life made him worry, but he knew you’d never allow that and neither would he

He’ll cancel his plans if you ever want to go out, he just doesn’t want you to go alone in fear that they somehow find you and take you away from him

He doesn’t care how nervous it makes him, his hand is permanently entwined with yours in public and if anybody comes too close, he’s pulling you in and giving them a death glare

Running in to them for the first time, he felt completely unprepared as they reached for your wrist to drag you away from him, but he tugged you away just as quick, snarling at them as he walked away

You both sat at home calming eachother down in a huge blanket afterwards, both crying and holding the other tightly as he reminded you that you’re safe now whilst burying his tear stained face into your neck

He never wants anything bad to happen to you, you’re the only person who’s ever liked him for him, so he’s going to protect you with his life

Satan

Pure anger was all he felt whilst you told him about your past abuser

How dare someone even think about hurting you? He wants you to block them as soon as you can and stay by his side for a while

He’ll never let them back into your life, he doesn’t care how much they beg, nobody hurts you and just expects to be forgiven, he’ll stay with you forever

And by God, does this man stay with you. It was like all his anger eventually turned into fear and paranoia about you getting hurt again; he didn’t want that, ever

His hand is glued to yours when you decide to go out, and every person that got too close almost made him break out into a fight

If he ever bumps into your abuser with you, he’ll make sure you’re safe by pushing you behind him and glaring, making sure they know not to try anything with him around

A lot of cuddling when you two get home, his arms wrapped around your stomach as he whispers sweet nothings into your ear to calm you down

He knows he may be a little overbearing at times, but he never wants to lose you, and the thought terrifies him, so he’ll do anything to make sure they don’t get you again

Asmodeus

He’s never felt so angry and sad at the time when you first told him; he was never planning on letting you out of his sight

He knew he just had to protect you so you never went through that experience again

Hearing they wanted to get back into your life made him laugh at how pathetic they sounded. He’ll never allow it, ever

Attempted to spend as much time as possible with you and if you needed to go somewhere, he was going too

His arms always wrapped around your waist, shoulder, anywhere that he could let others know that you belonged to him

He’s not too good with conflict, so when he met your abuser for the first time, he firmly grabs your hand and pushes past them, smacking his shoulder against theirs as hard as he could when he went past

Makes you feel hella good about yourself when you two get home, hyping you up and telling you how strong you are whilst giving you millions of kisses all over your face and neck

Imagining a life where you felt in fear of leaving the house because of some abuser made him sick, and he wanted to make sure you felt safe with him around and he’ll not stop until you always feel that

Beelzebub

He couldn’t help but pull you into a tight embrace when you first told him, very close to tears as he tried to push out the thoughts of someone hurting you

He can’t bear the thought of you getting hurt again so he convinces you to not give them another chance; he’ll get extremely worked up over it

He becomes clingy and protective after that, accompanying you to places you want to go with his arm wrapped around your waist and his glare glued to people that passed by

He knew he could be intimating if he tried, so he was hoping that he could keep others away from you and protect you

But he never expected your abuser to ever find you so when they stepped uncomfortably close to you, he pushed himself in the middle of you two, towering over them and glaring down, making sure they know to never cross you again

Treats you to your favourite foods to calm you down after you looked visibly shook up and holds you in his arms, telling you itll all be ok now and planting a few kisses on your head, quite shook up himself too

Never wants to see you get hurt again, it pains him too much. He loves you too much to allow it. He’ll always protect you, no matter the cost

Belphegor

Tries not to show it but he’s lowkey paranoid of everything and everyone

Finding out was painful and he wanted to pull you in and hold you so you felt safe and never let go

Tried his best to convince you to not leave the house as often, just in case. All he wanted to do was hold you in his arms and sleep, at least then nobody could harm you

Especially if they wanted to get back in your life. He doesn’t want to think of you getting hurt again, he’ll never let it happen for as long as he lives

But if you ever do need to leave, he’ll come with you, no matter how tired, he’ll have his hand entwined with yours and his gaze locked on you and the people around him

When your abuser found you the one time, he immediately sprung up, pushed you behind him and glared them down, baring his fangs slightly so they knew not to even think about touching you

Way too much cuddling when you got home, but he was too worried to care as he held you close to him, listening to your heart beat thump wildly in your chest and stroking your back

He knew he was taking a lot of precautions, but could you blame him? He felt safe with you, so he wanted you to feel safe around him too. He’ll do anything to protect you from now on

[cognitosclowns]

Hey hey! I dunno if you’re taking requests right now but if you are, I am in NEED of just some soft things with Jr and Andre. I am just so, so gay for them. There isn’t a specific scenario I have in mind, I’m just craving something generally soft, cute and giggly <3

YOU'RE GETTIN SOME,, EXTRA FLUFFY SHIT OUT OF ME TONIGHT <3

ALL SFW !! tw for illness n medication!!

OKIE BUT <333 BOTH OF THEM WOULD BE THE MOST CHAOTIC BUT LOVING CARETAKERS IF YOU'RE SICK

JR

HHHHH how do people do things again?

LISTEN HE'S RICH HE'S NOT USED TO DOING STUFF. YOU THINK HE CAN COOK? NO! DARLING HE HASN'T COOKED IN YEARS.

This means you will be ordered some,, Very Yummy Expensive Meals <3. They might be a touch cold by the time they get there but,, mmm it's ok <3

He gets Super Worried even if it's just,, a cold. He rarely gets sick so seeing you all sniffy and mopey in bed makes him Fret (tm).

also he puts on his slippers for The First Time In Weeks (bc he's,, stayin home to take care of you <3) and ends up Slip N Sliding himself directly into the doorframe. At least it got a laugh outta you <3

HE DOESN'T CARE IF HE GETS SICK, FUCK IT, HE'S CUDDLING YOU.

Specifically, you laying back-to-his-chest while he make His Little Worried face and smooches your cheek. Lots of head rubs too <33

He does this thing,, where he runs his thumbs along your ears n jaw?? Just one clean motion, then he raises his thumbs and puts them back in the Start Position at where your Ear Meets Face? IDK IF I EXPLAINED IT RIGHT, BUT,, HE GETS QUITE MUSHY <3

whenever you sneeze he Instinctively goes,, ‘oh dear </3′ and rubs your shoulders.

Little murmurs asking if you're okay?? He'll INSIST on making you a tea, bc his 'trick' for when he's sick is!! Ginger Tea!! Or mint, but Ginger is his favorite. Settles stomach aches!! And the steam helps your nose hurt less smdnsmd

'hows my favorite angel?'

'do you have other angels?'

mm.. no, but you're still my favorite <3' whenever you wake up. He secretly loves feeling you lay on his chest - besides, hearing his heartbeat is very soothing??

ANDREEEEE

MASSIVE HYPOCHONDRIAC WITH A SHIT IMMUNE SYSTEM.

and,,, somehow this all of this goes out the window the Second he sees you curled up in bed, sniffling your face off.

some sort of Instinct kicks in and his ass is MOVING HE IS LIKE LIGHTNING GETTIN U SOME TISSUES AND FIXING THE COVERS <333

HES LIKE,, yknow when you're nervous about smth, but then your friend gets nervous and suddenly,, You Are Calm? LIKE,, THE MOM FRIEND INSTINCT KICKS IN SO HARD WHEN HE SEES YOU SICK. He might freak out about it later, but,,, rn he doesn't even think to worry about gettin sick <3 babe is sick he's gotta make himself useful

HE CAN'T COOK SO <333 CHEAP RAMEN BABEY. Maybe some microwaved meals - smth easy!! It's a little rubbery but,, it's the thought that counts.

HE LIKES SPICE SO,, if it's too much he'll Purposefully go out and grab smth a little less,,

When he was little and he had The Sniffles, his mum would gently rub his cheeks with a warm cloth bc,, his Sinuses would hurt. He'll absolutely utilize this technique while you cuddle up in his arms.

'i hear feet'

'i'm thirsty'

'sit your ass back down >:(' he always warms it a little w/ kettle water, so it hurts less to drink!!

you only get to stand to use the bathroom. No moving <3 only cuddles and drinks and you passing out at random times while you two spoon in bed.

MOVIE MARATHON TIMEEEE. So many jokes to take your mind off things <3 he already has Jokes Set Up for all of your favorites. Making ppl laugh is,, his way of trying to make stuff better. Hes The Funny Guy!

OH HE'LL ALSO,, PROBABLY WHIP YOU UP SMTH THAT'S JUST,, SLIGHTLY STRONGER COUGH SYRUP MSNDMS. IT WONT ENTIRELY KNOCK YOUR COLD, BUT ITLL MAKE EVERYTHING HURT A BIT LESS SO,, NOT TOO BAD? TASTES LIKE PINK LEMONADE TOO SO,, THAT ROCKS

SMNDSM THIS TURNED OUT MORE SAPPY THAN I EXPECTED BUT I HOPE YOU DONT MIND!!

eee this was very fun <333 TYSM FOR THE LOVELY ASSSSK

[paroxysmal-distaste]

proximity. || ch12, satirical

a/n: so sorry for the long wait! i've been juggling this chapter around with rewrites and stuff- still not super satisfied with this one but I hope itll suffice until I choose to rewrite it again 😭😭

◬ Chapter 12 - Satirical ◬ ◬ Pairing: Bill Cipher x Fem! Reader ◬ ◬ Date Published: 13/10/2018 ◬ ◬ Word Count: 7.2k ◬

Basking in Bill’s wonderfully entertaining presence could quite easily be turned into a chore after a while for some. It was a presence that was loud, even if he chose to stay silent beside you- however, after your meeting, he laid comfortably with you in such a way that never invited moments of peace again.

Was it exciting sometimes?

Of course it was, he never made a conversation boring and he sure as hell spoke enough for the two of you. Unfortunately, it could also be exhausting, and it was becoming more and more clear that he hadn’t indulged in meaningful conversation with a breathing person in a long long time. Something that wasn’t in discussion of work, or under the guise of conspiracies and human discoveries but instead something… substantial.

You fully appreciated it though.

Even when the conversation carried itself into something about him, you were all ears. It was honestly refreshing hearing about the life of someone that wasn’t from your family or close. Bill was just… Bill. He was a being that had been stuck in his old ways for trillions of years, with a solid personality, unshakable character and a strong sense of certainty in his desires. Despite how he was, those qualities were something you considered quite admirable.

Bill? Admirable?

The raw idea was head-shaking to say the least, but when you really thought about it-

“Toots? Hey toots? Snap back to reality, will you? What’s going on in that empty head of yours?”

What?

“Oh? Are you staring at me? What are you thinking about, I wonder?”

You blinked, your defocused vision suddenly clearing and fading into a smug Bill standing before you, his hand in front of your chin. He snapped his fingers again, making you flinch, and you turned up at him with a frown, “I’m listening! What?”

Bill stood back and put both his hands on his hips, “You were looking in my direction for a good minute. Did my charms distract you that much?” He closed his eyes and laid a hand on his chest proudly, grinning widely.

“No, you bozo, I was just zoning out. Wasn’t thinking about anything in particular and especially not about you.” You crossed your arms, tilting your head up at him in defiance. To be fair, you were thinking about him- but he didn't need to know that.

Bill pouted, his hand shifting over his heart and moving closer to you, “Ouch, a little harsh, don’t you think?”

You rolled your eyes, turning away to hide the smile on your face, “You’ll get over it, right? You’re a big boy.”

“Ohhhhoho, is that a smile on your face, toots? Come on, you can admit I’m charming~” he neared you and gave you a Cheshire smile, wagging his eyebrows as your uncontrollable grin grew and you pushed him away, “You’re not charming, you’re just amusing. Like a rat is to a cat. Get the difference?”

“Uh huh,” he said honeyed, his eyes glossing over at the reference to you being the cat. He swiped his tongue over his top lip before poking it through the inside of his cheek, growing more and more intrigued by your frequent retorts. "Well, are we going or not?"

You had already seated yourself on a log that laid dried tree blood near its stump, and the coarseness of the bark made you wiggle uncomfortably, "Go where?"

Bill's lips straightened into a thin line, "You know? To Pinetree's?"

Your forehead creased and you glared up at him, "I already told you that I get confused when you say Pinetree. The kid doesn't even wear that stupid hat that you mentioned anymore. In fact, I saw the redhead at the front wearing it instead."

He didn't say a word as he waited for your direct response, and you groaned, "I never actually agreed."

"You did say you would think about it though, and it's been enough thinking. Now move along toots, we don't got all day." Bill poked your cheek and you bit at the air, scaring him into pulling his finger to his chest, "Ooh, touchy."

You smiled, rolling your eyes once more as you stood up, pacing in front of him, "I don't see any reason for you to see him other than to rid of whatever vendetta you have built against him. Which- by the way, you have yet to tell me about."

"Oh, ridding of a vendetta is right," he remarked, his voice growing huskier and the cracking of his fists produced by his pressing fingers made your eyebrows shoot to your hairline. His dismissal of your knowledge of this 'vendetta' didn't go unnoticed, and you made sure you were to bring it up to him later.

"Uh, Bill, it's already sad enough that you have some 4 year long quarrel with a 16 year old teenager as an adult man, but you're technically also a trillion years old in there, so that's even sadder. Surely you've got better things to do than to set things straight with Dipper?"

"See toots? You don't get it. Haven't you ever been wronged before and had enough anger built up inside you to last a while? Enough gasoline for the tank to explode? Sometimes you need to release that, in some manner or another. I need vengeance."

That question made you falter, and you huffed. He was right, you had been wronged before.

It was only a year ago, but his effect on you had lasted all 4 years you knew him, influential enough to have changed the way you acted today. The only difference was that you were left blubbering like a baby for weeks, something you knew Bill wouldn't call 'vengeance'. Unlike him, you kept that same anger sheltered away for years, and you didn't do anything about it other than shutting those closest to you out.

You peered up at Bill, pushing your lips to the side while he stared at you half-lidded, clearly still expectant on not just any answer, but his answer.

"Promise you'll act civil?"

He looked at his hand lazily, curling his fingers one after another, "You know I don't make any promises, toots, only deals."

An overdramatic sigh escaped your lips and you stood up suddenly, "Ohhh, it looks like I might want to keep these crazy powers after all-"

He gripped the fabric at your waist and suddenly tugged you towards him, shocking him more than you. The action was quick and knocked a bit of breath out of you the second your torso came into contact with his. Bill stared at you, almost deciding his way of action before continuing. You only blinked up at him, mouth agape but silent.

"-Fine, but I don't need your constant threats and yank on my chain." His grip lessened and he patted down your collarbone and swiped down his own shirt, as if to rid any imaginary dust that had been exchanged. He took a deep breath, opening them to catch you squinting at him weirdly.

You stared at him dumbfounded, before your eyebrows pinched together angrily and you moved back roughly, "Don't touch me like that again, asshole. You're not the only one with a collar around their neck." His stillness and shocked expression scared you a little, you weren't going to lie, but the shift in the air was obviously out of awkwardness now and if he rebutted against you now like he usually did... you didn't want to think about it. Another disagreement was the last thing that was needed. The best you two could do was to remain as civil as possible. Unless his quiet demeanour was because he knew he shouldn't have roughed you up like that. Or maybe he didn't want to argue.

Gah, I'm overthinking again.

A loud dramatic exhale escaped your lips, and you dropped your behind back onto the log, bending your body over to stare at the ground resentfully.

"You can't actually hurt him, you know that right? And you don't want him to know who you are or he might call the cops on us or something. What exactly are you planning to do for this... vengeance?"

Bill was quick to regain his composure, "Alright alright toots, I guess the word you humans would call it is... closure. Ya happy? I'm adjusting well to you things aren't I?" he snapped sarcastically, turning around to face the forest. The level of disgust he held when saying things forced you to whip your head up at him, huffing.

Bill can't touch him. He knows that- he can call it vengeance or closure all he wants but he can't touch him because he knows I won't give him his powers back. He has no choice.

"Fine. Let's get going then." Without another word, you had already begun to walk ahead of him, glancing over your shoulder to see if he was catching up.

"But come on, I won't- wait what? You're agreeing?" Bill sped walk up to your side, with you placing a hand on your hip, "Isn't that what you wanted? Your exact words were, 'move along toots, we don't got all day.'" Two curled fingers used as air quotes added to your mocking tone, and Bill clicked his tongue.

"Uh, you have powers, toots? I thought we had already established that." A loud slap echoed the forest as you cringed at the sight of his hand sliding down his face, his one seeing eye staring at you through the gap between his fingers, "Yeah, that's why we're doing this! I think someone took or towed my car so we need to head out now like you wanted."

"No, I mean-" Bill dramatically dragged both his hands down his face again in some sort of inane frustration, "I mean, why are we walking!?"

"Hold on hold on hold on. Pause. You're acting like a massive baby... because you don't want to walk?" You giggled a little, but his eye twitch pushed a loud laughter past through your throat.

“I'm trying to talk about something serious over here!" He exclaimed and spread his hands in such a comical way and you had to swallow hard to prevent the tickle at the back of your throat.

"All I'm saying toots, is that if you've got these powers- especially my powers, we might as well put them to good use!"

"To avoid walking?" you stifled another giggle, Bill only rolling his eyes, "Toots, you can teleport."

"Hm?" The lift and tilt of your head indicated to Bill that the idea hadn't crossed your mind before, which puzzled him. "What did you think I was referring to, toots?"

"Er, you're going to think I'm stupid."

"Ha!" Bill laughed and smiled, a twinkle in his eye. "Don't worry. I already know you are."

Unamused, you poked his nose and sighed, "I thought you meant... super speed or something."

Bill's grin grew even wider than thought possible and you didn't want to give him the satisfaction of more teasing so you cut him off, making his pointed finger lower and his smile to drop.

"I don't think that's something particularly safe that we should be doing. Especially since its the Mystery Shack we're heading to. Teleporting doesn't sound all that appeasing."

"Come on! It'll be fun! I think for you humans you might experience a lil' something called vertigo your first few tries, but after that, you'll easily get the hang of it! Now lemme teach you."

Bill slithered behind you in mere seconds and placed his chin on your shoulder, making you squeak and step away suddenly. He grinned.

"Woah woah woah woah. Hold on a moment. Why the hell would we be risking teleporting to the Mystery Shack? What if we land on the couch in front of Dipper or something?"

"Relax. That's not how it works. The difficulty isn't all that much in where you're going, but rather, how much of you is going. Get it?"

"So, it's possible that I don't teleport my whole body? Not even both of us? What if... I teleport into a bunch of tiny little pieces!?" You blinked rapidly and stared at the ground as Bill squeezed your shoulders reassuringly, patting it lightly as he curved to look at you. The action made you stiffen noticeably, especially after seeing how quickly Bill could change his mood when something upset him. You could see in his eyes his refusal to address it.

"It's entirely possible, toots. I don't know about you, but I think I'd thoroughly enjoy it." He stood in front of you, ignoring your little comment of, "Of course you would," and tilting your chin up with two fingers, forcing you to make eye contact.

You turned your head away from his, much to Bill's dismay and shut your eyes, grumbling, "Fine... um, come here, and put your arm around me. Somewhere, I don't care, just hold on."

"You're more forward than I thought, doll. You don't care?" Bill snaked his arm around your waist and pressed the side of your body against him, making you gasp. You safely assumed that he was going to put his arm around your shoulder, but nope.

Your face went hot at the sudden contact, but you brushed it away and managed to blurt out a sentence, "You wanted to do this, right? Stop playing around and just tell me what's next."

Bill couldn't stop the large beam radiating from his face, trying his best (and failing) to control his laugh from escaping his lips.

"What's so funny?" you asked, a little irritated.

"Nothing, nothing." Bill waved his hand in front of him in a dismissive manner.

"If it helps you sleep at night." You shrugged in fake nonchalance, coughing a little as maybe a small attempt to dismiss the air.

"You know I don't sleep."

"So how do we teleport?" You changed the topic, and were increasingly becoming impatient and more embarrassed.

His fingers tightened around your waist and you felt yourself stiffen and straight up. "Focus on the place you want to go to, and envision both of us standing there. Focus so much that you believe you're already there. Most of your energy should be spent on the weight of the two of us in the location. Plain and simple! If your mind flickers between images of places, that's a sure fire way of teleporting in multiple places at the same time... if you know what I mean."

You hummed.

"You know? Like your tongue on Neptune, and your left toe in Antar-"

"Bill. I got it, okay?" You seethed.

"Sheesh, alright."

You closed your eyes tightly and scrunched up your nose in concentration, picturing the both of you standing in front of the Mystery Shack.

The vision contained how the pine trees smelt in that area, how their branches were mysteriously much coarser than any other part of town, how the front steps appeared in a crooked fashion. You could imagine how your toes wiggled beneath your shoe, hearing the gentle crunch of the leaves under its sole. There was always a colder drift that would cast past your ankles- something you noted was more prominent in the rural areas of Gravity Falls. Finally, you envisioned the corner you and B/N talked privately.

There.

After a moment or two, you felt yourself go cold as Bill removed his grip on you.

"Nicely done toots. And look! I'm not cut up into a billion little pieces!"

You opened your eyes, surprised to see yourself at the Mystery Shack already. "Wow," a light breath and look around of the surrounding ominous trees confirmed that, yeah, this was the Mystery Shack. The excitement coursing through your body was uncontrollable, because this was something you just performed. Your ego stopped you from thanking Bill, however, as you knew it would only serve as fuel for later.

Blinking around, your sights settled on Bill who was already rushing towards the front door of the Mystery Shack, something that struck pure panic within you. Just as his hand was going open the door of the shack, someone had already swung it open.

How does this kid always seem to appear at the door when I'm here?

He jumped, startled before his scared expression dropped and he said, "Y/N!" He didn't seem to notice Bill yet, which was odd. You turned around to see Bill hiding behind you, making him pop out to the side. "Oh, who's your friend?"

You glanced at Bill, seeing his face beginning to shake in some sort of uncontrollable anger. His blind eye began to twitch heavily, and his breathing had become very audible.

He looked like he was about to choke him. Or worse. He clearly didn't think this meeting through. Maybe that's what he was riding on.

With your eyes widening, you grabbed his hand and held it up, using your other to rub his own.

Multiple thoughts raced through your head. You could call him your friend, but if you recalled correctly, you made a joke (honestly it was more truthful than you'd like to admit) how you had no friends, and you already knew how sharp Dipper was to pick up on that.

"He's- ah, he's my b-boyfriend...?" you said unsure, astonished to see that you rubbing your thumb in circles on the back of his hand was actually snapping him back to the situation. "Uh, sweetheart, introduce yourself." The burn on your cheeks after that cringeworthy sentence was confirmation enough that even a fake romantic interaction was not your area of experitise.

Bill jerked his head towards you, then towards Dipper and then back to you. The exchange happened a two more times until you flicked his nose and Bill barely managed to compose himself.

God... you could actually see him going into character.

He straightened up his back confidently, stuck out his free hand, and gave Dipper a weak smile, one that was threatening to melt off his face to reveal a dooming grimace. "Name's Brendan. Brendan Summers!" he exclaimed, before you gave him a small jab to his side to remind him not to act like his usual self.

Dipper stared at his hand and blinked, almost as if he were in a daze. "Sorry... I just... I'm Dipper." He shook Bill's hand, seemingly casual, but his face betrayed his words. It was obvious by the squint at 'Brendan's' introduction that Dipper was immediately suspicious of Bill, and what more- you came with him.

As Dipper gestured you two inside, he turned around, dropping his head slightly to read the last few lines of his book before slipping in a bookmark and shutting it closed.

Bill had an expression you hadn't seen before. It was one you would describe to be a human version of the one he held in his triangle form after he discovered you took his powers. He glowered and stared intense holes into the back of Dipper's head, something you winced at thinking he probably would have done for real, had he had his abilities.

"So what brings you guys here?"

You opened your mouth to speak, except no sound came out.

Why did we come here? Because Bill wanted to say 'hi?'

"Um, I don't know... just wanted to visit. Maybe get a few pointers on Gravity Falls now that we're here. How's Mabel?"

"Y/N!!" A loud voice suddenly screeched and bounced off of the walls, making you cringe and retreat a hand to your ear. "You're back!"

Mabel jumped at you and wrapped her arms around your torso making you let go of Bill's hand. (You didn't even realise that you were still holding it until that point.)

"Oooh! Show me more of your magic!" She waved her fingers at you spookily. You froze, recollecting your thoughts on your last encounter. You didn't miss Bill's stare, choosing to ignore it and instead address Mabel, "M-my powers? Whatever do you mean?"

"Silllyyyyyy, you know! That trick you did with our keys! Again Again!" She clapped her hands together enthusiastically. Bill looked at her and grinned, making you frown faintly, almost as if he was encouraging her childlike behaviour.

Right... she's convinced I'm a magician.

"Oh um, turns out I just had a magnet in my pocket. Must've been attracted when I walked by the counter or something." Bill pressed his hand into the small of your back, and you stiffened, especially after such a blatant lie.

"Why would you have a magnet?" Dipper interrupted suddenly, a false innocence spread across his face.

Mabel saved you from responding, instead shoving Dipper away, "Ooh wait wait what about your drawings? You didn't get to show us last time!" She poked your collarbone.

"I... don't have them on me right now." You grinned nervously, looking at Bill for help, but instead he seemed to be in deep thought, an unreadable expression on your face. Instinctively, you leaned into him slightly, maybe as a way to knock him out of whatever thought process he was stuck in. It was an action you almost quickly regretted, since Mabel asked you a question.

"Who's the hunk?" Mabel quietly whispered into your ear, eyeing Bill and making you purse your lips. He was playing dumb- probably. You could have sworn Bill's eyes flickered in your direction with a ghost of a smile on his face, but whatever reaction you saw was gone as quickly as it had appeared.

With an exhale, you shook your head, ready to speak until Bill (finally!) cut you off, "Hey kid, you got anything of worth to sell? Too- Doll and I wanted to buy a couple keychain since silly her only bought one for herself."

My golden keychain? Did he search my pockets? That bastard.

Dipper stared at him, eyes searching for something... something you weren't entirely sure he would be capable of finding. With his eyebrows furrowed, he said, "Sure. Mabel and I were going to head out, but since you need help w-"

"Not to worry, we won't be needing it." Bill cut him off, causing him to squint his eyes more. That last thing you needed was Dipper's curiosity in mysteries to be revived into you two.

"...Alright... Wendy, remember to supervise."

The redhead cashier was asleep, and she was doing so so quietly that you hadn't even noticed her presence until it was mentioned. She shoved a thumbs up into the air, with Dipper groaning.

"Hey, before you guys go..." You began, biting your lip. "I want to make use of my time here with... Brendan, so even after we purchase something, we might stay."

Dipper raised an eyebrow, egging you to continue.

"Do you guys have a place to talk about things privately?"

"You just had to choose a lousy vessel with one blind eye. Real clever, doll."

"Pssh, you don't need to be so picky. I thought we went through this. He was there, and we needed him. Simple as that."

"Well, it's making my searching 10x harder because of your choice." His back was towards you, opening another door, examining the area and deeming it unsatisfactory for him to groan and shut it closed before he moved to the next one.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't it you who was praising me earlier about how I 'did wonders' on him?"

"Uh, I meant visually, not practically. Doll, are you intentionally trying to sound dumb so I underestimate you? Because it's working."

"Oh? Doll? What happened to 'toots'? Did the name get too boring for you or something?" You ignored his crude remark and looked away as you kicked your legs up and down from the chair you sat in.

Bill muttered something under his breath, only a few words intelligible such as, 'pretend boyfriend' and 'recognise toots' and 'your actual name is already boring' before resuming his search.

"What the hell are you looking for anyways?" You leaned your body forward, eyes catching the stacks of cardboard boxes and teared duct tape along its joints. The last door down the hall had a little jingle to it, and he glanced at you smartly when he jiggled the doorknob, his confident smile wiping immediately upon the door's resistance against his turn.

Bill pressed his cheek to the side of the door as if to engage in some invisible presence, before he smushed his forehead so close his nose was also flattening against the wood. "It's here. I can smell it."

Your nose wrinkled up with an amused smile accompanying it, only for it to be wiped off seconds later when Bill charged shoulder-first into the door with a loud bang.

"Bill! I mean- Bill!" You whisper shouted, turning around out of paranoia to catch Wendy shifting in her chair. The breath you held was hurting your neck, and you only released it when you heard her continuing to snore.

"Shut it, doll. That redhead has a nasty habit of sleeping on the job. She wouldn't wake up even if the end of the world stood up and slapped her in the face." His lips curved into a knowing smile, biting his lip and sucking in a breath as he continued to try and force the door open.

"Whatever that means," you mumbled, crossing your arms.

"I spiked her water anyways."

"What was that?"

"Joking." Bill stood up and placed both hands on his hips, a sweat drop running down his cheek as he stared at your deflated form a few metres away, seated quietly on a chair.

"Gah! What am I doing? Doll, get over here and make yourself useful." He waved his arm over for you to hurry up, as if to say he doesn't have all day when he literally does.

You stood up and strolled up to him, looking at the doorknob and then back at him, "Well? What do you want me to do?"

Bill groaned like the answer was the most obvious thing in the world. "Well?" He mocked you, "Open it."

"Hm. And how would you like that Your Majesty?"

Bill would've clicked his tongue nastily at you if he wasn't so caught up on how you referred to him as your royal highness. "Powers, doll. And keep talking like that. Maybe I'll go easier on you when all of this is over."

You raised both eyebrows at him as he shifted behind you, your hand clasping the doorknob tightly. He didn't know you could control metals before this... or not, even. He's expecting you to use one of his powers. Whatever the case, you just shut your eyes and pulled on knob, a heavy metal noise from the other side announcing the drop of the opposite handle.

"And that's how it's done." Bill smiled, towering over you, you realised then, as he turned to you while leading the way into the room.

"Give credit when credit is due," you scoffed, "What now anyways? Was this the real reason you wanted to come to the Mystery Shack? Not because of Dipper." The question wasn't all that serious, but Bill's slight change in demeanour made you realise you were probably right.

Bill can claim his excellency all he wants in his triangle form, but his body language speaks volumes as a human, and it's not something he's mastered too much yet.

You began to walk further into the room until Bill stretched out a hand and halted you, "Do not move." For once, you had taken him seriously- his eyes held a great sense of responsibility, something that very much shocked you. His stern tone frightened you a little, and you leaned on one of your feet out of nervousness.

Before you was a teal carpet with golden lines in the middle. Only Bill stood on the carpet, and you froze as he stepped off of the other side, bent down and peeled a corner of it from the ground. A label on it stuck out, and you could only catch a glimpse of its letters- 'Elect and Car-'

You frowned. "Bill, what is this?" A giant grin had formed across his face, as his eye stared at you, then the carpet, then his hand.

"This is what we're going to need. For the portal. It's special." He lifted his head, his fringe covering his blind eye and making his other gleam in a hungry anticipation. Your face contorted into a sort of confusion and disgust, "Why do you seem more interested in this portal than I?"

Bill shrugged, "It's exciting, doll! I want to help intelligent people fulfil their goals, and be there to see it! Is that so bad?"

"Okayyyy, now you're acting really weird. If we need this carpet so bad, you know we can't steal it. So what then?"

"We won't be using it now, doll. Only later, because I've got it all planned out in my head!" He stood up, holding out a hand, "Do you trust me?"

Your eyes widened, and your mouth dropped open slightly. Bill seemed so sure this was going to work, but he wasn't telling you why. He's been hiding a lot of things that, at this point, have chosen not to ask further about until later. More of a fear that, if what he has done was really bad, you'd drop him instantly. He's an interdimensional demon, he could be terrifying. But you needed his help restoring Gravity Falls to the way it used to be, invisible monster gone and all- so you'd rather live in ignorance. Now, he's asking you to trust him?

"No."

His hand recoiled and he grimaced, "Expected answer. Whatever the case may be, doll, you're going to have to in order for this to work. Let's get a move on, I just had to make sure this was still here."

Both you and Bill went to the roof after a lot of your complaining about how he was alluding to things he refused to elaborate further on. Your legs were dangling on the very edge of the roof, since you had offered the beach chair to Bill. The two of you, earlier, had watched Dipper and Mabel retreat and head off into a path you weren't familiar with, but at that point, you stopped caring and were just happy to not see them in your line of sight.

"Oh! Is that you on the window?" You peeked below you to see the stained glass in the middle shaped to be a triangle with an eye. He didn't even get up to check, since he was clearly too comfortable laying under the umbrella shade with his arms behind his neck.

"You just noticed? Doll, you have no idea how many times I've made my mark on this God forsaken town." Bill murmured.

You puffed your cheeks, looking away in mild annoyance, "Are you saying that there are... marks of you in places I missed?"

"Of course-" Bill sat up, a little more interested in speaking about himself, "I'm everywhere. You can see me from the American dollar bill to depictions of Christianity. I'm been everywhere- I've existed before time itself- and that's the way its always been."

You hummed, "As crazy as it is, it is fascinating speaking to someone who has literally existed for billions of years."

Bill can't control the small smile on his face, stretching his legs before pulling them up closer to his chest, "Surely you understand how you must look to me. Small, insignificant, pathetic, even. Like an ant."

Of course, despite your compliment, he had to degrade you, "I don't understand it fully. We, as humans respect most living creatures. We don't degrade them for being lesser. Why do you? Superiority complex, perhaps?" You pressed your fingers into the rough hay-like texture of the roof, poking your tongue into your cheek.

Bill let out a, "Ha! You meatsacks are slaves to your own genes. Your entire purpose as a sentient being is to reproduce, live, and die."

"Are you saying that demons are different? What's your purpose then?" Bill just loved to insult your entire species, but you relented from being too harsh in reply- you wanted a genuine answer.

"Us? Me? What's my purpose?"

Bill stared beyond the umbrella above him and zoned out into the sky, "I guess we have no purpose. Maybe that's what's so wonderfully chaotic. No reason, means no restriction. It means a sort of freedom I can actually afford. Can you say the same, as humans?"

You turn your head to glance at him briefly, stilling and pondering over an acceptable response. Without hearing any, he continued.

"I get it, doll. Humans, with their deadlines and all, have to use every fleeting moment of their lives to live. But that's not freedom. You want to go travel around the world? Feel free? You can't- not without working half your life in order to afford a 3 day vacation. Then you're back to working. Working to survive. We don't need to do that. We just live. You following?"

You frowned, a little shocked at his bluntness. That was the reality of it, unfortunately. A truth every human had to have thought about at least once in their lives, as 'insignificant' as it may seem.

"I know," you said quietly.

Bill blinked at your submissiveness, not expecting you to back down so quickly.

"But I guess it's exactly why we try to make the most of it." You turned around, propping your leg up to manoeuvre your body to face Bill's on the beach chair, "We can change our purpose though. Not as humans, but as individuals."

You looked away again, a shyness creeping up on you, maybe even a cringe on your face, "I guess that's where I messed up. I haven't been cherishing my time with everyone. Not like everyone talks about anyways."

It was a seed you planted. Bill could continue blabbing on about a nihilistic dread every being should encompass, or he would ask you to continue. His reply surprised you.

"Go on."

You pressed your lips together and stared at Bill, searching for an sign of sarcasm. There was none though.

"I guess... sometimes I wonder what my parents were thinking. They married when they were really young, and already committed their lives to starting a family at only 20 years old. I'm almost 20 years old," you continued, feeling more and more embarrassed at how vulnerable you were being. With Bill- Bill! Of all people!

Bill glanced over at you, finding it difficult to read the expression on your face. "You're not going to have an existential crisis, are you?"

You snickered, "Gee, what a nice icebreaker."

Bill rolled his eyes, a feeble attempt at hiding that- he's really terrible at meaningful conversation. "In my dimension, marriage doesn't exist. Instead, we just grill the groom on a giant barbecue and the bride eats him. It's quite emotional actually."

You jolted your head to the left to look back at him, squinting slightly, before clasping your hand over your mouth to contain your giggles. It ended up with you going into a giant fit of laughter, and Bill stared at you curiously.

Was it something he said?

Bill Cipher obviously thought he was the most hilarious intergalactic being in the world, but he barely got a humorous response back. Especially since his own friends usually replied with forced laughter, or humans often found his comedic taste rather... shocking. Bill began to laugh alongside you, finding your giggles contagious.

"Sorry, that just-" You placed a hand on your forehead and pushed your hair back, "That really caught me off guard, hah."

"Glad to see you're not a complete buzzkill," Bill grinned at you, using his right hand to flick your ear.

"Ow!" You shot him a look and smiled as you rubbed your ear, turning your attention to the sunset happening in front of you too. A pleasant silent filled between you and Bill, before you thought of another question.

"Hey Bill?"

"Yeah doll?"

"Would you be okay with telling me more about your dimension? It sounds really interesting."

"I'm sure it does, but I'd like to save you from growing any more tumours."

You grinned, "No, no, I'm serious!"

Bill raised an eyebrow at you and blinked, somewhat surprised that someone asked him to talk about his life willingly. Standing up, he took a seat next to you and began to kick his legs off the edge rhythmically.

"You might despise me more than you already do." The humour in his voice lowering. There was more truth to that than he realised he was letting on, you noticed.

"Impossible." You responded playfully, gazing at the sunset briefly then turning back to him.

He looked away for a moment, seemingly forming sentences in his mind.

"I used to live in the 2nd dimension. Different from where you vessels live, here, where it's the 3rd."

"You mean like having only length and width?" You questioned, and he only nodded in reply.

"Flat minds in a flat world with flat dreams." He stated quite bluntly, almost bored. "It was so... empty."

Bill frowned. Trillions of years old, older than time itself and a constant jester for himself and others when he felt like it. Here he was, speaking to a human in such an unfortified manner that it scared him. It scared him. He shouldn't be speaking like this. He wouldn't.

Bill swallowed harshly, a large maniac smile plastered over him, "So I destroyed it!" His lowered voice changed back to his regular, echoey one, where he spoke with more confidence, the front he knew he always had to pull. "My world there was absolute madness, havoc. That's actually what made it signature Bill Cipher!"

When he turned to look at you for a second, he became slightly unsettled at how immersed you were into listening to him, your eyes trained on him. He let out a cough, "But it's also why it was so hard to stand. It was bound to come crashing down at one point. So I thought, better sooner than later."

You put a hand under your chin, "Was it only you in your dimension, or were there other... beings?"

"Oh no, there were many others. I just killed them in the process of destroying the place. It was surprisingly unsatisfactory. They didn't have faces so the only reaction I really got was them squirming before I fed on them."

Bill ignored your own reaction (which was mild disgust and intrigue) as he continued explaining.

"Millions of years later, I came across what I now call the Nightmare Realm. Unfortunately for me, it was also unstable, but I had no other option so I settled anyways."

Bill stared at the sunset, raising an arm to shield his eyes away from the overwhelming sunlight.

"It didn't have any laws, or physics. It was a blank slate. I made myself comfortable though, and actually somewhat enjoyed it there with my pals. It wasn't long - a few trillion years or so - before I discovered your dimension. As unappealing as you humans are, there was something about the 3rd dimension and it's inhabitants that was particularly tempting about it." He looked at his palm before tightening it into a fist.

"Especially, since for once, this universe was stable." He stated, scarily aggressive with his voice turning deeper. "With actual entertainment, and new things to ruin." His voice lowered another octave as he-

"Bill." You spoke quietly.

This was his plan.

"Yes doll?" He turned around to face you, easing out of his trance.

This is what you're going to be preventing. That nudge at the back of your head every time Bill alluded to something... But... how? How does one gain access into this world? He already did, just without his powers. What was it he had to do to come back? And how could you prevent it.

You bit your lip, speaking.

"Don't take this the wrong way... but even if you do, one day, destroy this dimension - what's next? What do you do after you've burned this place to the ground? Do you wait till it too becomes unstable and you repeat the cycle of having to find a new home again?"

Bill sneered, a little offended at your comment. "I'm going to host an inter-dimensional party, taking place right here in Gravity Falls and make it last for all of eternity!"

You looked away, questioning if whether or not you should reconsider the deal. You were about to speak up until you heard a voice below.

"Y/N! Brendan! B/N's here to see you!" Dippers voice rang out as his form emerged from the trees up ahead of you two. Both you and Bill froze, and your mind raced with paranoia that he might've heard you two speaking. Whatever. You headed back inside through one of the windows, meeting them downstairs.

On the way there, Bill couldn't help his crying, "I'm glad I'm not going to be a hollow shell permanently. I much prefer my immortal self rather than some limp bag of flesh." Bill muttered, as he pulled a look of disgust on his face.

As you descended, B/N stood behind Dipper and Mabel, worming through them to stand before you.

You crossed your arms, "Looks like you're finally back from your stay with Pacifica." Of course, you hadn't forgotten that your brother foolishly chose to stay with the girl he was interested in after absorbing a interdimensional portal's powers- it was a priority just... pushed aside.

"Yeah, it was fine, thanks for asking." He gave a lopsided smile, pleased at your vexation.

You pinched your forehead, "You know what? We'll discuss later. How'd you know I was here- what did you need?"

He squinted, "I had a feeling. Listen, Pacifica really wants to meet you, properly and Old Man McGucket is hosting the annual party at her old mansion. Now named McGucket's Hootenanny Hutt... everyone's attending it and you can bring-" He looked at Bill up and down, "-your friend with you if you want."

"McGucket's Hootenanny Hutt? And when? I've got a lot to catch up on so I don't think I'll be able to-"

"Y/N, you might want to go. Because McGucket, ya know, the guy who used to own the junkyard is the one hosting. You might want to thank him." B/N was very obviously hinting at something, and Bill picked up on it before you did.

"We'll be there!" Bill suddenly chimed in, pushing you aside.

"Great. It's the coming Friday. You might not be able to find it, because it's still named under the Northwest's, so search it as the Northwest Mansion. Wear something nice, Pacifica has very high standards."

"Wow, alrighty then. Decision's been made for me anyways, I guess.," you stated simply, hand on your hip.

Mabel appeared from behind you and rested a hand on your shoulders, "We're going too, Y/N! We'll see you there!" At this point, you've become used to Mabel's random appearances so you didn't budge.

"You almost scared me." You began as she giggled and you added, "Sometimes you terrify me Mabel," giving her a side smile.

As the 3 of them (them being Dipper, Mabel and B/N) discussed it, you pulled Bill aside and spoke in a hushed tone. "I thought you were serious about this deal. Why do you want to go to the party so badly?"

"Don't you see doll? Old Man Fiddleford was an old accomplice to Stanford, great uncle to Pinetree and Shooting Star! The two of them created a portal, just like yours!"

You sweat dropped. They had made a portal before? Why didn't he mention this sooner? Whatever the case, you had to open one, no matter what. Or that creature...

"Dipper and Mabel?" You recalled Bill's amateurish nicknames for Dipper and Mabel respectively. Stanford? Not so much...

Grunkle Stan, I remember them saying that a few times.

"So you think that Fiddleford will be able to help us build it?"

"That's right doll, all we have to do is get him alone."

"Huh. That's all working out then." You began to walk back towards the group before Bill grabbed you by the arm, squeezing it gently. With a turn of your head, you tilted your head, "What is it?"

"Na-ah-ah, doll." He wagged a finger at you, an action that was getting more and more annoyed as he held off on revealing his thoughts, "What, Bill? Out with it."

He grinned, "You didn't think I'd forget about you calling me your boyfriend, now did you?"

taglist: @k-l-a-w-s

[musubiki]

I've really come to love your written posts about introspection, the characters' feelings and fears, their weaknesses and self doubt, but I've grown curious: do they ever talk it out?

Assuming we're past the epilogue, the bad guys are defeated, mochi and lime are together and so are coco and taffy, is there some scene where lime is like "yeah you leaving me was like my worst fear and when you actually left it was like a nightmare come true and I almost resented you for it" to mochi or her saying "ahaha well when we were like 17 I knew I was in love with you and was going to be in love with you forever because that's how it works for witches but I was also insecure because you had a million girls drooling after you and I felt so different that I was convinced I was way too weird for you"?

Or maybe just coco and taffy talking it out, sharing trauma and hopes as they soak in each other's presence, just to have those misunderstandings resolved once and for all?

OHOHO WE DONT HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL THE EPILOUGE !!!!! THEY HASH THIS SHIT OUT DURING THE STORY !!!!!!

limes whole thing about mochi leaving actually gets hashed out relatively quickly after she comes back (after she finds out lime is cat-ears). contrary to popular belief lime cant keep that shit bottled up for long, itll come out one way or another. mochi gets mad at him for 1) going to the underground when its SUPER dangerous for him and for her (if anyone were to find out who he was), and more importantly 2) for lying to her about it (and mochis anger/frustration is also her guilt of leaving all of them with barely a note leaking into her emotions)

and when he responds something like "well what the fuck did you want me to do when you left me for 2 years, sit on my ass and wait around?" and this lowkey turns into a fight where just. everything comes out. lime just starts running his mouth and then it wont stop. tells her how miserable he was when she left and was so mad and scared and how he knew why she had to do this and understood that as her guild, he supported everything she did but just couldnt stop that feeling of anger for being left behind and hated himself for feeling this stupid selfish way. manages to stop himself before blurting out that hes in love with her (mostly because he began to actually tear up and went "oh NOPE" and stopped talking) and MOCHI this whole time listening to him went from mad to shocked to sad and you hit the nail on the head he almost resented her for this and while he didnt explicitly say that, the point got across

and he probably tries to leave so she wont see him fucking crying but she just. locks him in such a tight hug apologizing profusely and telling him over and over how much she wanted to stay by his side but couldnt and wanted so bad to take him with her but couldnt and tells him its okay to feel like that and she understands and all this soft shit and its maybe the first time we see lime actually cry. buries his face into her neck and squeezes her into a hug so tight he might never let her go. mumbles out a "Dont fucking leave me again." and she goes "i know im sorry i wont"

and from this point on mochi is a lot better at being conscious of this part of lime. indirectly lets him know a lot how much she relies on him. i dont think she even knew about this part of him, how much he relied on and needed her until this moment

as far as coco and taffy go, those babes were hashing out their shit the entire story from start to finish when taffy joined the guild. i wouldnt say its a wisdom drop every episode like fruba but theres definately a lot of enlightenment moments. talking about how they feel and someone else just drops the perspective bomb on them. and coco and taffy do this for each other quite a bit. shes like the whole reason he got to the point where he was able to join mochis guild

[simpsiren]

lee taeyong x reader

description. I liked Lee Taeyong. A lot. And with every book I gave him, whatever purposes, I hid a love letter in between its pages. After all this time, I still wonder if Taeyong has yet to read even one of them.

Tsundoku— buying books and not reading them; letting books pile up unread on shelves, floors, or nightstands.

genre. fluff, angst, love letters!au, friends to lovers!au, one-sided love! au, bartender!taeyong, university student!reader

word count. 12.4k~

warnings. none!

a/n. was randomly scrolling through printerest when i found this word and suddenly this idea popped up in my headd. i had to change the meaning of the word so tha itll fit the story line better but the overall meaning is the same sooo. anyways that’s all i got for you now please enjoyy!

Books. An interest both Taeyong and I shared since college. Though our interest laid in the same object, our uses for it were far from the same. For me, it’s for reading. Like how it should be used, its main purpose. Like any other bookworm, constantly having my head shoved in romance or fantasy novels. Taeyong on the other hand, he... he uses it as decoration. Something that to him, should be kept on shelves, unread for display purposes.

I got to find out quite quickly that it was a habit for him to collect books that had nice spines just so he could place them on his shelves. I’ve been to his home once. One entire wall was just shelves filled with books. It was aesthetically pleasing indeed, but it disappointed me that he didn’t even bother to read a single one. So we made an agreement that I’d read his books. If he were to buy a new one, he’d let me read it first before tucking it away to never be pulled out again. I guess that’s why my friendship with him worked so well.

Taeyong decided to work as a bartender after college while I, went to pursue my studies with university. Should say that I regretted that on-impulse decision of mine nowadays.

It’s Friday. I just got out of university, at one in the morning. What an ungodly hour, considering that my classes started at nine this morning. I agreed to meet Taeyong at his bar. Luckily for me, the distance between school and the bar wasn’t far. Taeyong took me as a factor into consideration while trying out jobs around the school’s area, just so he’d get to meet me more often. That, was one of the million reasons why I fell for him.

I dragged my feet across the side walk, the screeching of my boots scraping against the rough surface. As much as I tried to hold up my posture during my long trip there (it felt like I’ve been walking forever when really, it has only been ten minutes), my back slowly slouched with each step till I was fully slouching. The extremely poor and back paining kind. Can’t blame me. University is mentally draining, but physically as well, having to walk to different classes constantly that’s being situated on opposite ends of the facility. It’s a workout.

I looked up to take a breather, seeing the glowing sign above the bar. I gazed down, to the glass windows, noticing how there was a lot of people in there. Well, it’s a Friday night afterall. I placed my free hand onto the door’s handle, pushing it open and entering.

Classical music played in the background. People’s murmurs could be heard as they had their own conversations. The place was dimly lit with an orange hue; a calming atmosphere. I went right up to the bar, getting on an empty cushioned stool and adjusting my butt onto it. I looked around the area. Taeyong wasn’t to be seen. I only assumed that he was making drinks.

I took out my book from my tote bag, flipping to the page where I folded it’s edge to continue where I left off. I was already two third done with it. And I was determined to finish it by Monday just so that I could get a new book to read.

My head was faced down, eyes scanning each sentence as I blocked out the entire world, putting myself in my own little bubble as I imagined myself in the story’s plot, too immersed to give a single care for my surroundings.

Suddenly, a hand appeared beside me, tapping its knuckles against the wood to get my attention. I lifted my eyes up, seeing Taeyong standing in front of me. White button up shirt, three buttons unhooked, revealing the slightest bit of his collarbones in a way to tease you and having the urge to see them fully. Black dress pants with a belt that cinched on his waist, framing his lower body beautifully.

“Literally called you from two steps away and you didn’t hear any of it.” Taeyong leaned against the counter, elbows supporting him as his face got close to mine. “I was busy.” I said, lifting up my book slightly. “You done with that? I need to put a new book on the shelve soon. It bugs me that there’s an empty spot.” Taeyong shivered as he mentioned that, making me chuckle softly.

“By Monday, I promise.”

“Need anything to drink? You look worn out.” Taeyong eyed me up and down. I probably looked terrible since Taeyong scrunched up his nose and shook his head. “You know I don’t drink. I mean I can, but it’s still the school term. I can’t afford getting off track by anything.”

Taeyong breathed a short laugh in response. “Ah of course. Didn’t you say you wanted to dropout just yesterday?” Taeyong looked up for a moment before bringing his eyes back down on me with a teasing gaze. My mind went back to yesterday when I texted Taeyong a long ranting paragraph about how stressed I was this week. I frowned. “Should I?”

Taeyong bobbed his shoulder. “It’s up to you. But I sincerely think you should. I mean look at you.” He added a light scoff at the end, his hand going up and down in front of me. “I’m just worried.” He proceeded to shift his weight form one leg to the other, sliding his fingers into the pocket of his pants. I felt his sense of sincerity, invariably imbued. Another reason why I fell for him. He’s always caring, too caring for his own good, especially towards me.

“Will think about it.” I mumbled, taking note of my book’s page number since I was too lazy to fold it before closing and shoving it back into my tote bag. “Anyways, when are you getting off work?”

Taeyong turned around to grab something. I realised it was his wallet and phone as he shoved the wallet into his back pocket and kept his phone in his hand. “Right now.” He flashed his smile. The signature smile. One he has on ninety percent of the time, at least around me. It was unique. A smile that only suited him and not anyone else. He owned it . Like he should. Yet another reason why I fell for him.

I got off the stool as he went around the counter that had the space in between for staffs to pass through. “Want me to drive?” He asked as we made our way to the door. I shook my head. “You had a long day. Just go home.” I kindly rejected. I bowed my head as he opened the door for me. A gentleman; adding onto the long list.

“You had an even longer one. I don’t care. It’s late too. I can’t let you walk home alone.” I laughed weakly, waiting for him outside as he closed the door. As we make our way to Taeyong’s car, he whispered, “Sleep straight when you get home, okay?” He opened the car door for me. I nodded, “Yes father.” I dragged on.

The car ride home was silent. Completely silent. There wasn’t even music playing in the background. I had my eyes fixed on the view out of the window, too scared to look at Taeyong as I can’t bare to look at him long enough before I melt on sight.

My apartment came to view after the many trees and street lights we drove past. The car pulled to a halt and I turned to Taeyong, who was suddenly up close to me, one hand looming over my chest as he reached for the seatbelt. I possibly stopped breathing. His eyes looked into mine, expressionless. I couldn’t even blink I was that shocked. “Sorry. I thought you were sleeping.”

Taeyong pulled back to his seat. I exhaled sharply. I looked to the seatbelt. He didn’t unbuckle it. I huffed quietly and did it myself, sliding my tote bag onto my shoulder. “Remember. Sleep right away.” He advised a second time as I make my way out of the car, slamming the car door shut.

Before I turned around, he rolled down the window, leaning forward slightly. “And my book!” He shouted. I placed two fingers up my head and pointed it back at it as a way to say, “Yes sir.” Before swirling around and walking away, his car’s engine starting up and driving away. The noise was quick to get muffled and go away as he drove further out of the neighborhood.

The hours of studying I had to do at home went by quick. Before I even knew it, I didn’t sleep that night at all. Unfortunately, I didn’t listen to Taeyong. I had assignments to complete by Monday for God’s sake. I’ve come to terms with the fact that the number of times I’ve pulled all-nighters are now inhumane.

I checked the time on my clock. 5:05AM. I sighed, looking across my study table that’s pilled with worksheets and my opened laptop. I nodded my head as I made the mental decision of finally cleaning up as I rechecked to see if I’ve left any work undone before beginning to stack the papers and shoving them into my tote bag. The only thing left on the table was a stack of decorative papers, with beautiful outlines of red roses around the edges.

I slid one paper off the stack, placing it in front of me. I grabbed a random pen from my organiser, clicking it as I swirled it around, trying to figure out what to write.

Hey taeyong. This is my 127th love letter, confession letter, whatever you would call it. I’m not sure if you’ve read any of them. My last note was in ‘It Ends with Us’. I find that you aren’t giving any reaction or anything. I know you don’t read the books but do you even bother flipping through its pages for the letter to fall out? I’m still hoping you’d at least open this one. Please. I’ve been waiting for ages. For you. I like you, Lee Taeyong, for the 127th time.

I placed my pen back to where it belonged before holding the note in my hand, lifting it up to my face. I bit my bottom lip before opening my book, randomly opening a page and placing the note in, making sure it’s secured before putting that into my tote bag as well. Too lazy to even get into my bed, I fell asleep uncomfortably at the table.

It was now Sunday. I almost forgot the fact that I’m meeting Taeyong today to pass him the book, which to be honest, I didn’t finish. The book was boring. It was like those books that you force yourself through so you wouldn’t feel the regret of buying it. Though I used Taeyong’s money, I still felt bad for leaving it unread. I wasn’t like Taeyong at least.

While thumbing through my closet to find something to wear after showering, my eyes stopped at the sweater that Taeyong borrowed me not too long ago because I was dumb enough to meet him at two in the morning without a jacket. I was frozen stiff due to the cold.

Absentmindedly, I took it off its hanger and brought it close to my chest, dipping my head down as I deeply inhaled, Taeyong’s scent was still on there. I put it on and continued getting ready.

Just when I was done placing my valuables in my sling bag, the doorbell rang. Thinking it was the mailman, I rushed to the door with immense speed. I opened the door forcefully. But instead of the mailman, I was met with Taeyong standing in front of me. We locked eyes for a split second, which made my heart leap. I then eyed him up and down. He was wearing his usual all black outfit. Shirt, jeans, and boots. I liked how the plain and simple outfit was able to cup his body well, accentuate all his body features. It always made me swoon for him.

“What are you doing here?” I noticed how Taeyong kept eyeing his sweater that’s on me despite his attempts at trying to remain eye contact with me. “I thought of just letting you give me the book now and spend the day here. Can I?” No wonder he wore a regular outfit.

“So I dressed up for nothing?” I feigned my exasperation, folding my arms as I cocked an eyebrow, huffing ever so softly. Taeyong followed my poster one on one. “And wearing my sweater is called dressing up? How lovely.” It was now his turn to fire back, which made me frown. “Whatever.” I gave in, turning around to head back to my room.

I heard the door closing as Taeyong’s footsteps were quick to follow closely behind, maybe due to the large steps he took with his long legs. As I entered my room, Taeyong lets out a hum of satisfaction. “Your shelve’s looking good. More full than last time.” He complimented. I took a seat at the study table as he made his way to seat at the edge of my bed. “Mhm.” I softly answered.

With the remembrance of what he came here for, I grabbed my tote bag and fished out for the book. I then toss it onto the bed beside Taeyong, not speaking a word as I jerked my head to it. “Thanks. You read fast.” Taeyong held the book in his hand. Open it, open it. Oh God why can’t he just find the damn note I placed there?

“No I don’t. It’s just that the book was extremely boring for my liking.” I stated, matter-of-factly. Taeyong examined the book, quickly turning it over to read the synopsis. “Ew.” He mumbled.

“It was only good at first. The ending sucked.” I added on to my complains. “By the way...” Taeyong trailed on. I wonder what he wanted to ask. Was it something about the book? About the notes?

“I’ve been thinking I should read one of the books.” I folded my arms with arrogance, slouching into the chair as I tilted my head, the side of my lip lifted up slightly. “So after more than four years I was able to reel you in to read your first book?” I questioned, sounding smug.

Taeyong let out an annoyed ‘tsk’. “I find ‘If I never met you’ interesting, okay? Let me be.” Taeyong pouted and folded his arms, turning his head away from my direction. I stood up, walking to the bed and plopping myself down which made the two of us bounce up and down of a moment. “It’s cute how you’re a newbie to reading.” I made up an excuse when really what I found cute was how Taeyong acted. It made me blush a bright pink. It was probably extremely noticeable when Taeyong suddenly mentioned, “Did I make you so proud that you’re now blushing?” Taeyong teased, a giggle following after.

“Oh shut up.”

Lee Taeyong. This is the 128th letter. I still remember the first one I wrote. Feeling so hopeful and acting like a little girl that’s too shy to confess up front. I’m still like that. Yet to physically hint at you about my feelings. I can only express them like this, through notes that could all end up being meaningless if you’ve never looked at them. I’ll come by your house today. I’ll probably slide it in between books instead of pages. I long for your love, the kind that’s much more than that of a friend. I’ve been holding on for so long. Perhaps too long. But it’s okay, you’re Lee Taeyong. I won’t let the feelings I’ve bottled up for years go to waste. I’ll do something... soon. Yes, soon.

Later that day, I made my way to Taeyong’s house. I asked him to stay at home so that I could surprise him by coming over. But the reaction that I expected from him was way too predictable.

“You could’ve just told me to pick you up!” Taeyong whined. There he goes again being way too caring. Stop it. It’s hurting me.

“It’s not that troubling to travel, Yong. Calm the heck down! It’s really nothing.” I shouted back, reassurance being imbued into each word. He made way for me to enter. And as I did, I walked slowly, long strides to the living room where the large bookshelf was placed. The one that covered the entire wall. Well, almost, since he made space for the television. Other than that, it was just books surrounding it.

“Wait.” I turned around sharply. I realised that my sudden action made Taeyong stop in his tracks instantly. But he was close to me. Way too close for my own good. We stayed there for a moment, exchanging blank stares while I took the time to remember this moment; my heart stopping, his tall figure looming over me, his eyes looking into mine as if he’s trapping me in his gaze. Moments like these happen often. And I’d often take the time to remember them, shoving them into a mental folder called ‘Head over heels for TY’.

“Sit down. I’ll... get the cheesecake.” Taeyong was the first to back out, taking a step away from me and chuckling awkwardly. He quickly turned away after avoiding my eyes and rubbing the back of his neck. He looked nervous. But why? If I have seen it correctly, it looked like his cheeks were ever so slightly red as well. What even...

I shook my head vigorously, throwing those thoughts out of my mind. I sat down on the brown leather couch, leaning back and allowing my body to sink into it. Somehow, the thoughts crept back in. I thought about how what I observed just now could not have been real. It’s Lee Taeyong. Hundreds of girls are always hitting on him at the bar during his shift. He might even be seeing someone. Wait why am I even saying that to myself? I’d end up feeling jealous with no real reason. Great, you’re a dumb one indeed.

I felt Taeyong’s weight beside me. I looked up from the table, realising now that I was in a trance of my own thoughts, and to the cheesecake that he placed down. He leaned forward to cut a slice, placing it on a small plate as he placed the fork down beside it and handed it to me. “Here. Bought it especially for your brain recovery, and cravings. You’re period came, right?”

My eyes widened. My brows furrowed and got closer to each other as I backed my head away in surprise. “How’d you even know?” I asked shockingly. Taeyong lets out a chuckle, bringing his plate up and taking a bite. “I know you long enough to know that your period’s consistent and is usual around this time. But I was just taking my chances. I know you’d still eat the cheesecake either way.” Taeyong flashed a cheeky smile.

I knew he was extremely considerate towards me. He’d always advise me to take breaks, giving me a shoulder to lean on when I need rest, coming over to comfort me till sunrise whenever I texted him a ‘feel depressed lmao.’ He’s always on standby, ready to assist me when I need him, for whatever reason. Even if he wasn’t there, he was somehow able to choreograph his silent dance of support. But I never knew he was this meticulous to take note of my habits, my favourite food and even my period. He knew everything about me at the back of his hand. He really does make me feel some type of way. Perhaps a feeling far beyond love. An unknown feeling that only I could experience since it’s Taeyong. It’s always him. Always have been, and always will be.

I grabbed a big bite, scooping it in my mouth and moaning out dreamily, letting myself sink into the cheesecake and its flavours like a bath. “Fuck this is good. Where’d you get it?” I questioned with immense curiosity. I was genuinely curious. Because I’d love to get more.

Taeyong raised both his brows, his lips forming a thin line as he gave a slightly awkward or nervous cheeky smile. I couldn’t quite tell. “I made it.” He whispered. “No way!” I instantly take another bite, this time with Taeyong in mind. I mean, he already was from the moment he gave me the plate, but with now knowing that he was the one that made it? It suddenly tasted a thousand times better.

“Fucking bake more! Why haven’t I known that you can bake?!” I screamed with excitement. I finished the first slice, now on my way to tackle a second. Taeyong laughed hilariously at my reaction. “Is it that good? It’s my first time trying the recipe.”

“I know you cook like you’ve cooked for me many times but what the heck you should to do this more often. I’d eat it whole.” I squealed as I savoured the cheesecake’s flavours.

“If it’s for you then I’d gladly do it.”

Once again I felt the kindness and love through his voice and tone that’s ever so sweet and gentle. I’d imagine that this was how angels sounded like. Taeyong has always been able to put me at instant peace with just his words alone. Be it through the phone or in person. I always felt calm and protected.

It amazed me just what love could do to you. Everything they do now seemed perfect and beautiful, you blind yourself with their beauty and everything that’s good in them. In Taeyong’s case, I’ve never seen the bad side of him, shockingly enough. I’ve been friends with him for more than five years yet there wasn’t any argument between us that made a major impact on our relationship, if you don’t count those when I wouldn’t talk to him for only one day but we’d be able to act normal after.

We ended up spending the evening watching Netflix. We’ve been through two movies now. The cheesecake was now fully finished as well, down to its crumbs. “Want me to cook dinner?”

“I’m fine with anything.” I blinked my eyes once and a soft smile appeared on my lips. Taeyong hummed softly and nodded his head as he made his way to the kitchen, the sound of his slippers can be heard as he shuffled away.

I laid down on the couch, using my phone. A thought suddenly popped in my mind. I instantly peeked my head above the back rest, seeing Taeyong’s back in view as his body swayed slowly by the stove. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. He ran a hand through his hair. How can a man look this... amazing. I can’t think of any other ways to describe Taeyong at that moment. Boyfriend material? Stunning? Breathtaking? All of the above.

As much as I wanted to stare at his figure, I had another agenda I had to accomplish before getting back to it. I rose from the couch, slowly and quietly, taking the note out of my sling bag. I walked up to the overwhelmingly large bookshelf. I scanned it carefully, trying to figure out where to place it.

“What are you doing?” I turned instantly at Taeyong’s voice. He was a few steps away from me, two plates of pasta in his hands. He turned around to place them on the table.

I took this chance to quickly slide the note into the shelve. One edge of the note was sticking out. Shit. It wasn’t obvious but it’s still there. I didn’t have any time to adjust it when Taeyong faced his body back to me.

“Just looking. The fact that I’ve read all these books... I’m such a bookworm for reading this much.”

“That’s what I like about you.” I was eyeing the pasta when Taeyong blurted that out. It was quick and soft, I couldn’t make out the words. I could only infer. “What?” I asked purposely, just to see if he’ll answer.

“It’s nothing.” Taeyong shoved a spoonful of pasta into his mouth, adverting his gaze on anything else but me.

I thought about how weird he was acting. It’s the first time I’m noticing that Taeyong’s been acting... wary, cautious of his every move around me. Just as I thought about how he’s clueless and delusional about my feelings for him, it could have been the same for me.

Luckily (Thank the Gods kind of lucky), classes ended early today. And Taeyong told me to meet him at his dance studio. For what reason? I wasn’t actually sure. I headed there, passing by the many other practice rooms till I saw the number that Taeyong told me. I opened the door, seeing Taeyong and two other guys I’m unfamiliar with. All of them turned their heads to me in unison, Taeyong blinding me with a bright smile while the others looked to each other with confusion.

“You came!” Taeyong squealed, running up to me and hugging my tightly. He was extremely sweating. I would try to push him away, but he probably wouldn’t let go and let me suffocate. Thankfully, he didn’t and pulled away, grabbing my wrist and dragging me to the other two guys.

“Ten, Mark. This is my friend, _____. I wanted her to come so that we’ll have an audience to show our piece.” Taeyong explained to them freely as he pointed to Ten and Mark respectively, an arm swung around my shoulders. I bowed my head amicably with a smile while they did the same. “You never told me you have a girlfriend, Taeyong.” Ten teased, lightly punching Taeyong’s chest. I couldn’t help but blush a light pink. I swallowed and looked up to him, who had a nervous and shy face on, which I didn’t expect at all.

“We’re best friends, please.” Taeyong denied, no hesitation whatsoever. In my head I wanted to frown but I had to keep a smile on.

“Hey, Ten. Wanna get Starbucks?” Mark suddenly asked, looking at him with a wicked grin as if he’s hinting to Ten about something. Ten was quick to respond, nodding his head with affirmation. “Yeah. I’m thirsty. You should just stay here with her. Need js to get anything?” Ten trailed on while the two of them began to take their wallets out of their bags that were at the back of the practice room.

“You guys are really going all the way to Starbucks that’s a fifteen minute walk from here?” Taeyong asked, extremely shocked. I did walk past Starbucks on my way here, and it is indeed extremely far. What the heck were they trying to do by leaving so abruptly?

“Eh it’s fine. Well we’ll leave you to it! Peace!” And just like that, Ten and Mark have left and it was now just me and Taeyong. The two of us turned to each other and chuckled at the same time. “Come on show me your dance!”

“It’s a duet that I’m doing with Ten. Can’t dance if he’s not here.” I looked up for a moment, thinking. “Dancer by day. Bartender by night. That’s Lee Taeyong.” I spread my hands out with jiggling my fingers as if showing a rainbow and mimicking stars. Taeyong laughed and shoved his hands into his pockets. “Broke university student by day, author by night. That’s _____.”

I looked at him weirdly, eyes narrowing at him as I furrowed my brows. “How am I an author?”

“Eh I just assume you’re one since you’re such a bookworm.” Taeyong fakely rolled his eyes but flashed a cheeky smile after. I smiled back and got closed to him, both hand resting on my hips as I rested my weight on one leg. “So what are we gonna do mister dancer?” I asked with the tone of a child, making me laugh after from how ridiculous I sounded.

Taeyong proceeded to take my tote bag off my shoulder, putting it off to the side with the other bags while he grabbed his phone and went to Spotify. “Let’s dance.” He suggested with confidence. He played a song. It’s one of my favourites. A song that didn’t make me think twice to bob my head to, which I instantly did. “I haven’t danced in years and you know that.”

Specifically, it was six years ago. I used to dance in highschool as extra curricular thing. But in college I started to dance less frequently, and my dance friends and I slowly grew distant. But I was okay with it. I mean, it’s life. The world still had to spin no matter the situation.

“Come on I know you have it in you. Just vibe.” Taeyong swayed his shoulders up and down slowly, grooving to the beat as his whole body began to work its magic, his dancing was at the level of professional ones. I never know why he didn’t want to pursue dance as a career and became a bartender instead.

I slowly moved my body in a weird way. Not dancing for years, your body is bound to be uncomfortable and you’d be looking weird as you move. Which was definitely me. Taeyong laughed at me, making me frown and stopped dancing. He huffed with a smile and held both my hands. Instantly, my legs and body moved in sync with his. It felt amazing dancing with Taeyong. It was fun and carefree. I could dance as stupidly as I want and even though Taeyong could pull off the best dance moves, he’d still choose to dance stupidly along with me. He was able to serve himself as a guidance as I found my groove and vibe that I didn’t have in me for a long time.

When the music stopped, Taeyong’s hands where on my waist, while I had mine on his arms. We turned to the mirror and giggled, throwing out heads back happily.

“You still got it.”

“Make sure to find the ones with pretty spines.”

Taeyong and I decided to head to bookstores today for our monthly book shopping. And while I was carefully reading the synopsis of books that had an interesting title, Taeyong was busy examining their cover pages and the aesthetics, mostly the spine.

“Have you started on the book you told me about?” I asked, flipping the book I just took out to its first chapter to get a feel of the writer’s writing style. “I have, actually.” My head shot to him instantly. He’s read the book. But I remembered putting the note in the back pages of the book. Has he reached there yet? “But I’m a slow reader. And busy. I’m only at the third chapter.”

As much as I was surprised about the fact that he’s speed in reading was extremely slower than what I would consider normal, I couldn’t blame him. He’s body with work most of the time and he has a life to live. Not to mention how it’s the first book he’s actually reading. This is a good example that the gap in terms of our reading abilities are definitely big.

“Liking it so far?” I asked. “Yeah.” Taeyong simply replied as he took a book off the display. “I’m getting this. And these as well.” He giggled like a happy child who’s buying a bunch of toys as birthday present from his parents. He lifted the books up slightly, fiddling around and trying to stack them properly while I closed the book that was in my hands. “I’m just buying this.”

“Seriously? Oh wait nevermind you’re a broke university student.” Taeyong taunted, rolling his eyes. My mouth opened slightly, faking my exasperated as I huffed loudly. “Okay mister bartender. You didn’t have to rub-”

“Oh my God. Taeyong?!”

In unison, the two of us turned around to the noise. A girl was running up to us. The moment she came, she didn’t hesitate to hug Taeyong around his torso. Taeyong chuckled, almost awkwardly and hugged her back.

I took a quick look at them. Their hug made a few things clear to me. One, she’s probably known him for a long time. But if she has, why didn’t Taeyong told me about her before? He shares all his secrets, I pretty much know him from A to Z. So why hasn’t he mention her before? Second, Taeyong was quick to reciprocate the hug, from his awkward form to a loving one. They looked like a couple that hasn’t seen each other in ages; a meaningful reunion.

I wasn’t exactly happy with where this was going. I didn’t like how in an instant, she could simply let herself be in such close proximity with him. I’ve never hugged Taeyong for that long at all. It made me feel a couple of things. Jealousy? Judgmental? Sudden hatred towards her? But why should I? It felt so invalid of me to feel these things.

“It’s been years, Taeyong.” She chuckled happily as they pulled apart. Finally. “Who’s she?” Her finger lifted up to me.

“A friend.” Taeyong answered. Of course, Why did I think I’d be any more than that? Just a friend. We’re just friends. Just.

While they were having a chat about who knows what, I wasn’t exactly paying attention since I simply assumed that it was to catch up with each other. I wondered off to another section of the store. After browsing through a few books, it was then I realised that they weren’t no longer in the store anymore when I got back. They left, Taeyong left. Without telling me. It was my fault for leaving the scene discreetly since I felt like my presence wasn’t needed in their bubble at the time, but why did Taeyong not come find me? Was I... simply forgotten?

I went straight home that day after cashing out the books. I didn’t know where Taeyong went after leaving that that girl, but I didn’t want to act like some busybody who asks something that isn’t her business. I got texts from Taeyong asking if I left yet. Was he planning on returning there after leaving for two hours? He actually expected me to wait. Unbelievable.

After that day, my meetups with him became less frequent. He occasionally replied to my texts. More like one sentence after four or so hours. He still updates his socials. And it was all about her. Photos, videos. They were hanging out together more often. For some reason, it felt like she was a replacement; my replacement. I somewhat distanced myself away from Taeyong thinking, “I assume you don’t need me anymore so I’ll stay out of your way.”

But one day, out of pure curiosity, I decided to follow them to a cafe. Taeyong did text me that he’d be heading there, but I left him on seen. Like I said, I’m slowly removing myself out of his picture.

I sat at the corner of the cafe, black jacket, black cap and large black sunglasses. I looked like a stalker in the eyes of strangers. I mean, I was.

I covered myself further by holding up a book to my face. As I continuously stared at them, I grew bored. Don’t get me wrong, I was feeling negative. I didn’t like how she’s teasingly touching Taeyong’s arm, how they laughed happily together and chatting as if they’re in their own little world. But I started to wonder why I even came here. I did want to see what they’re like. But I’m making myself feel more bad this way.

I decided to write a note. I was done with the book I’m currently holding. All I needed to do was give it to Taeyong. With the note. I took out a random piece of paper from my tote bag, fishing out for a pen as well and began to write.

It’s my 145th letter. Fuck how long am I going to do this? Might sound weird, but I’m currently looking at you. Watching you with her. Why does it feel like you’re happier with her? You’re smiling, laughing more. You’re more brighter. I mean you have always been bright. But you just... radiate differently; a new type of glow I never knew you had. I saw your socials, constantly posting about her. I’m jealous, very. I want to be like that with you. But it just feels wrong, perhaps not right. Like I shouldn’t be craving for you. For your touch, your whispers, giggles. Why do I feel like this? The more you spend time with her, the more I realise that my chances of getting you is slowly slipping away from my grasp. But why can’t I move? Why don’t I want to move? I’m not sure what’s stopping me. And that’s what I’m fearing the most.

I felt my cheeks getting wet. It took me awhile to realise that I was balling my eyes out, slowly and painfully. I took off my sunglasses for a moment to wipe off excess tears before putting them back on. I can’t belive I’m crying. I looked down to the note. A tear fell onto it, a spot crinkled as it left a visible mark of my feelings. Just as I was sniffing, constantly having to wipe my cheeks dry since my tears were getting uncontrollable, I looked out the window. And what stood on the opposite side shocked me.

I knocked on the glass, his head turning quickly. He looked around inside the cafe, not sure of where the signal came from. I knocked once again. He looked down on me and I took off my sunglasses, pulling down my hood.

“Nakamoto Yuta?” I mouthed to him, my lips moving widely so he could read them. His eyes blinked rapidly and he leaned in before widening them after realising who I was. We take a few of the same classes. I see him often in school. But we never really talked. He immediately rushed into the cafe, covering his face as if hiding his identity and running up to my table to take a seat.

“Why were you looking in like some stalker?” I asked, pulling my hood back over my head as I lowered myself, my eyes still fixated on Taeyong.

“You look more like one than I do.” Yuta commented. I notice how he was constantly turning around, specifically to Taeyong’s direction. “You haven’t answered my question.”

“I’m looking at them.” He pointed his finger out ever so slightly. And as I predicted, he was referring to Taeyong and the girl. “You know Taeyong?” I immediately asked, extremely curious as to why he was spying on them just like I was. “No, but I know Jiung.” So that’s her name. Pretty name for a pretty girl. Of course.

“And why are you doing that exactly?” Yuta let out a huff, leaning in with his elbows on the table, his shoulder rising up to his ears. “Because I want to see what they’re on about. I keep seeing her with that Taeyong guy. I like Jiung so I’m jealous.” I puckered my lips and nodded. My face showed as if I shrugged it off. But my mind began turning its gears. So he likes Jiung and he’s jealous of them together? He has the same reason of me coming here as well. What forces swirled around the world for us to come together like this? It’s weird how coincidentally the situation was.

“I actually came for the same reason as you. I like Taeyong, and I’m jealous of Jiung.” I frowned slightly, a sigh leaving my lips. I opened up to him quick about my situation since I felt a sense of similarity with him. He probably wouldn’t remember anyways. It’s not like we’ll be crossing paths in the future.

“Were you crying? Your eyes are hella puffy.” He asked suddenly. I breathed out a laugh awkwardly. I gulped and cleared my throat, thinking that I should shove all my feeling down so I wouldn’t look even more ridiculous in front of Yuta. “Yeah.” I quickly slid the note in between a random page.

“Funny how we met here. For the same reasons. It’s like fate.” I couldn’t agree more. “An idea just came to my mind.” Oh no.

Yuta has always been the class clown, saying out his ideas that were completely mind blowing and far fetched. His way of thinking is... unique, in a funny way. I got somewhat nervous after he said that sentence, you can never guess what he’s thinking about or get a clear grasp of the way he thinks.

“How about we try splitting them up?” I didn’t reply, his words slowly resonating in my mind. He can’t be serious, right? But why am I slowly being persuade by an unknown force?

I have yet to say a word, my eyes still on them as I was deep in thought, wondering about all the possible outcomes of me agreeing and disagreeing, weighing them carefully so that I could make the more beneficial decision.

“Come on. You’ll get to be with Taeyong more. And I’ll have Jiung. Win-win situation, right?”

I sighed, inhaling as my chest puffs up.

“Alright.”

Yuta: How’s it going?

Me: amazingg :D

“Who are you texting?” Taeyong asked, I placed my phone down to the side, screen faced down. “No one.”

This is the sixteenth outing with Taeyong after that day. I was able to spend time with Taeyong a lot more, just like before. And probably just like it should. I’ve seen Yuta posting more often on his Instagram stories, mostly of him and Jiung. Our plan of keeping them apart is working. Though Yuta told me that it was Jiung who’s constantly asking to meet up with Taeyong, he was able to force her to hang out with him instead, giving her no chance whatsoever. It was extremely helpful.

I know this whole situation sounds as if I’m being evil or whatever you call it. But why wouldn’t I accept a chance to be closer to Taeyong?

“Should we head to the carnival after this? Or desserts first? Oh I want to head to that new ice cream shop! Ten said it’s delicious but extremely crowded. I don’t mind waiting since I’ll have you to annoy.” Taeyong rambled on. I laughed happily, taking in this moment. I want to treasure such simple moments like these. I want it to be in a snow globe; something remembered forever.

“Do anything you please, Yong.” I chuckled, flashing an eye smile.

Just then, the bell above the restaurant’s door opened, signalling a new costumer coming in. Taeyong widened his eyes at the door. I tilted my head at his weird action, turning around to see just what made him react that way.

“Jiung?” “Yuta?” The two of us whispered at the same time.

Jiung’s eyes immediately went to Taeyong, her face lighting up at the sight of him as she tried to make her way over. But Yuta stopped her by the shoulders. I now understood what Yuta meant by saying, “She’s so attracted to him.”

While Jiung was struggling to eacape Yuta’s strong grasp, Taeyong was halfway off his seat. I immediately reached a hand to place on his arm. “Where you going?” I asked, faking a smile when in reality I was getting nervous.

“Wanting to say hi to Jiung.” Taeyong was about to alide himself off his seat so I grabbed his arm, trying to stop him in the most natural way possible. “I don’t think you should. She seems busy.” I tugged on his arm slightly, an attempt to get him to sit back down. “But it looks like she’s struggling. I- Wait here.” Taeyong noticed how I was trying so hard to stop him from leaving. He raised a brow and shook my hand off in an instant, his strength powering over my desires.

I followed behind him. Taeyong forcefully removed Yuta away from Jiung and Yuta’s eyes immediately glanced to mine. Both of us sending nervous signals to each other in that split second. “What the hell were you doing to her?” Taeyong growled lowly, his voice and tone suddenly growing dark as he held Jiing’s wrist, his body standing in front of hers as if he’s protecting her.

“I was just getting her out of the restaurant since it’s quite packed.” Yuta awkwardly replied with an excuse. “No you were purposely stopping me from going to Taeyong.” Jiung fought back. I stood there frozen, watching by the sidelines as nervousness started rising in me. Are they going to find out about my plan with Yuta?

“I think it’s just a misunderstanding. You two can go now.” I ripped Taeyong’s tight hold around Jiung’s wrist, dragging him back to stand beisde me. “I just want to chat with Taey-”

“I don’t think that’s necessary. Move along now.” I tried to shove Yuta and Jiung out the door. Taeyong’s hand suddenly gripped onto mine. I looked up instantly.

“Pause. You’re very acting weird. What’s going on?” Taeyong’s voice was raised higher than before. A few people were staring at us. “Nothing...” I whispered, looking down. I was now scared to the bone. I didn’t know what to reply, how to cover it up. It’s gonna have to slip out eventually. At least I was able to be with Taeyong more often.

“Yuta and I planned for you guys to never meet again.” That’s it. It’s all over. With that simple line of confession, the truth was now out. No where left to hide or run. Yuta smacked me on the arm, making me wince. “What the heck?!” He half-shouted in a whisper.

“Are you serious? And for what? Jealous or something?” Taeyong was mad. So mad. And I felt it. I was so scared. I was shivering with every word he said. I gulped, avoiding eye contact with him. I didn’t need to give a reply. My body has said it all. A moment of silence filled with tension circled around us. Suddenly, Taeyong stormed out.

I panicked, immediately going back to the table we were at to grab my belongings and rushed out, wanting to stop Taeyong. I looked around frantically. I spotted him walking down the street on the left. I ran as fast as I could, my hand reaching out for him as I shouted his name countless of times, but he doesn’t respond as if he was deaf.

“Taeyong, please!” I cried out. I finally had his wrist tightly around my fingers. He turned around sharply. He tried to walk away, but I tried harder to grip onto the hem of his sweater tighter. “What?”

I realised at that very moment that I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to stop him, but I never thought of what to do afterwards. I wanted to say “Don’t leave.” But it never left my lips.

I stood there silently, my thumb caressing against the cloth as I bit my lip hard. “Hello?” Taeyong asked, annoyed. That one simple word hit me, right on the heart. It was like an arrow, painfully accurate at where its being shot. Just as how one word from him could light up my day, and one word from him can make it come crashing down as well. His change in tone and mood was quick and intense. I couldn’t stop thinking about being terrified.

I eventually took in a deep breath, opening my tote bag and taking out the book that I have forgotten to give him that day while I was spying on him.

“Here. Have it, as a present.” I brushed a hand down the back of my head, my fingers combing through the ends as I turned around and walked away in the opposite direction after shoving the book to Taeyong’s chest, remembering the note was somewhere in there but I never bothered knowing exactly where.

My breathing started to become unstable. The further I walked away, the urge of falling down to the ground and collapsing became stronger. But I continued walking, telling myself to stay strong the whole way till I reach home. “You can cry on the floor all you want. Just quickly get home now.” I kept whispering to myself, begging my legs to speed up but my wobbly knees were not helping.

I cried that night. Very hard. The whole scene of kept replaying like a movie tape. All I could think about was how mad Taeyong looked. With his voice and eyes. It was a look I’ve never seen on him before. It was like a completely new side of him. The entire opposite of what he usually was. I now realised that he’s one of those “Their all butterflies and rainbows till they get pissed off.” That phrase cannot be any more true in regards to Taeyong.

Every day I tried to meet Taeyong. At the bar, his home, the bookstore. Anywhere he could be. He wasn’t replying to my texts, or calls. He probably blocked me. And on his socials as well. He wasn’t responding to me at all. I got worried sick. Is he never going to talk to me ever again?

Constantly, I mentally slammed my head against an imaginary wall, thinking about how I never thought of this outcome while weighing out the possible aftermath of the decision I made. How could I be so stupid, so reckless?

I eventually gave up trying to get in contact with him. He needed time and space away from me, completely. The hole this made in my heart was deep, like a dried up well with vines that has sharp long thorns growing in them. And every time I thought about Taeyong, I am constantly being pierced by those thorns of regret and agony, pricking deeper into my skin the more I fell deeper.

It was choking me; Taeyong’s absence. I couldn’t breathe at all. I was sinking, gasping for air each time I longed for him. I just wanted him back. I wanted things to get back to normal. I wanted to be us again.

Two months have passed. It was the worst two months of my life. Worst than the exam stress I had for last year’s final project. I had university to worry about on top of Taeyong. I was mentally going through hell. And again, the worst one yet. And it was now that I realised, I’d be much better off having him as a friend than anything less. But I was selfish enough to not treasure it that way, and it’s now finally gone. Completely out of my reach.

One night, I was up. Doing assignments. Nothing’s new. Nothing’s changed. Taeyong has yet to open up to me. I glanced at the clock on my phone, groaning as I let my head fall on the table. I closed my eyes. I was too stressed. The world’s spinning too fast. I needed it to stop for awhile. My brain can’t bear this much.

As if on cue, the door bell rang while I lifted my head off the table. My head slowly turned to my room door. The bell rang again. A few seconds later, it rang yet again. Whoever’s outside was frustrated or something, jamming their fingers on the bell while saying “I’ll keep annoying you till you open this damn door.”

I pushed my chair back and walked over to the door. I looked through the peek hole. Taeyong...? I opened the door. On instinct, I grabbed him by his waist while his body fell on me. His face tilted up to meet mine. His cheeks were flushed red. His eyes were half opened and looking around as if stars are swirling above his head. He’s drunk.

“Good night. I wanna go in.” Taeyong whispered. Yup, he’s drunk. His breath reeked or alcohol as he spoke. I stood there for a moment, needing to process the current situation. At three in the morning, Taeyong showed up here drunk. I can think about why later. But now I had to figure out a way to carry his heavy body into the living room.

Taeyong wrapped his arms around my waist, sticking his body against mine. “You’re so warm.” I blinked rapidly. I looked down on him. I can’t believe it. He’s here. After two months of ignoring, he can simply show up here. Drunk, even. Worst of all, I still had the love to move along with this. The anger was still there. It’s just that his sudden presence made me forget about it a little while.

Out of the blue, like a marionette on strings, he jerkily push himself off me and staggered his way to the lviing room. I followed closely behind, not bothering to turn on the lights. I didn’t feel the need to. I sat down at the edge of the couch while he laid his body down. He giggled to himself and muttered things I couldn’t understand. I know what he’s like when drunk. Unstable, crazy, a lightweight. Will not remember a single thing the next morning.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, not even sure why. Why did I bother asking when he won’t remember any of this the next day? Well, he’s here now. And no matter what state he was in, I just wanted answers.

“To thank you. Me thank you. Mwah!” Taeyong puckered his lips in the end, eyes closed and shaking his head furiously. His fluffy hair moving along. I smacked my bottom lip and nodded. “For what exactly?”

“For getting rid of Jiung for me. She’s so annoying. I’d much rather be with you.” Taeyong mumbled, finger slowly pointing up to me. Unconsciously, I pointed back to myself too. “Me?” Taeyong pursed his lips into a thin line and nodded firmly. “Uhuh. Yes, right. Mhm.”

I kept silent for a moment. “That wasn’t really what I got from how you reacted two months ago.” Suddenly, Taeyong forcefully gripped onto my wrist, pulling me down. I let out a soft gasp, realising that my body was laying on top of his. We stared at each other for a long while, the close proximity making it so that I could feel his cold breath on my skin, sending shivers down my spine. I breathed heavily as I felt my face getting hot. Stop it. Why are you falling for him too quickly?

“Go home, Taeyong.” I whispered so softly in a calming and light tone. Taeyong whined in response. He was now pouting with his big boba eyes. He looked like a sad puppy. My heart instantly melted at the sight. I couldn’t resist. “I’m staying here.” He said in a high pitch voice, hugging me closer and putting me in an uncomfortable position for my body. Regardless, I stayed.

After two months he was finally here, and in my arms. This night might not mean anything to him but it made me feel relived. The fact that he remembered my house, my name, me. Whether it was just the alcohol driving him to do such things that are out of his control, I didn’t mind. All I needed was for him to be here. It felt good to be with him for that one night. Just one night was all I needed. It didn’t stop my anger for him about the fact that he ignored me, but I was okay with it. That night, I let it go. All I wanted was to feel such peace with Taeyong.

We ended up sleeping together on the small couch. I woke up with terrible body aches but either way, I sighed in relief when I woke up before Taeyong. I tried finding his phone, that was hidden under the crack of the cushions. I typed in his password. I memorise it like how he memorise mine. I went to his contacts and called the one person I knew.

“I have a favour to ask, Ten.” I said nervously as I watch him carry Taeyong into his car. He hummed, pulling his head out of the car and slamming the door. “Don’t tell him he went here.” Ten gave a half-shrug, nodding his head in response. “Sure. I’m not sure what’s going on between you two, but it seems like a lot. Should solve it soon.”

“Yeah... I hope so.”

16th October.

I’ve lost count on the number of love letters I’ve given you. I can’t give them to you anymore, since you don’t even want anything to do with me. I can’t blame you. I knew you’d be pissed. I was hesitant on doing it but I was so selfish, wanting you all to myself. But what can I do, Taeyong? I’ve wanted you for so long. Yet you’re so delusional of my feelings. How could you have not read any of of my letters? Perhaps you have and chose to ignore it. That’s more painful than you being upfront and rejecting me. As much as I allow you to hate on me, I’d still say this. Fuck you, Lee Taeyong.

23rd October.

I saw you at the bar. You look... happy. Without me. You act as if nothing happened. Like I never happened. I wonder if you’re just putting on an act, or are you actually okay without me by your side. Are you still mad? Did you forget about it but have gotten use to not being with me? I want to know Taeyong so please, respond. That’s all I ask from you. Fuck that. You don’t even have to talk. I just want you here with me. Whether the air around us will be filled with tension, I don’t care. What I’m going through, is not nice, Taeyong. It is punishment for my actions. But how long do I have to keep it up? How long to I have to suffer to take a breath? For you to pull me out of this mess with your forgiveness. I’m falling apart.

14th December.

Wow. It’s December already. I’m sitting at the park we go to every Christmas. We’d be freezing to death but still glued to the bench chatting about life since we just loved being out in the snow. And yet, you never got back to me. I found out from Jiung that you left the country but never said where. I miss you, Lee Taeyong. I’m tired. So tired, of constantly penning my feelings down on pieces of paper. Words I can never say to you out loud, are all in the letters in your books that you never bothered to open. I even hid one between the books of your huge ass shelf. Why haven’t you said anything about them? I know I should move on, because it really does seem like you never want to talk to me ever again. I’m losing hope, more faster than before as each day pass, wondering where the hell as you and how you’re doing. I keep telling myself “Let it be. Let him have his moment.” But I wonder if you ever think about how I’m bearing all of this as well. That without you, I might never be able to forgive myself.

I slide the notes under Taeyong’s apartment door. I knew he was out of the country. Some nights I’d sit by his door, the note in hand as I envision him in his house. I couldn’t think about what he’s doing. And I constantly ponder about it. Is he eating well? Sleeping well? Is he enjoying himself wherever he’s at? Months passed. And as time went on, I began to wonder if my letters were even worth writing. Why was I giving so much? Why am I going through such lengths, physically and emotionally, for Taeyong to be okay? Why am I bearing such emotions when it’s not even certain that I’ll be given the same in return.

I’m making a promise to myself. I’ll let go of Lee Taeyong. I’ll slowly, bit by bit, remove my feelings out of my heart. It’s not worth it, I kept telling myself. I’m meaninglessly suffering for someone who is isn’t appreciating it. So why should I go on? I loved you, Lee Taeyong. I changed my words. I loved you.

And that was the last love letter I wrote.

Along my journey to forgetting Taeyong, I suffered a lot. I was always drawn back to him. I was always willing to put my pen on paper and just write something to him. About anything. It was a bad habit that needed to stop. I had to let go years of feelings that were being pilled up in my heart. And it was something that’s extremely hard to let go. But other than my own factors, there were external, circumstantial ones as well. Whether it was coincidental or not, that was something I can never know the answer to.

I was on my laptop, casually scrolling through Pinterest to calm myself with the aesthetics of random things. Room decor, clothing ideas, handsome idols. Anything that can take my mind off my billions of overloaded projects for awhile.

I didn’t know how, but I ended up looking at quotes, Japanese ones to be exact. The deep meaning of words. Some were heartfelt while other were heartbreaking. I read them off casually till I paused at one.

‘Tsundoku— buying books and not reading them; letting books pile up unread on shelves, floors, or nightstands.’

I scoffed to myself, pinching my temples as I shook my head. It’s just like you, Lee Taeyong. “Fucking hell.” I mumbled, slamming the laptop shut. I’ve been able to not think about Taeyong for a long time now. Or at least I felt like it was a long time. I wasn’t going to let a word get me off course. I placed my laptop on the bed and went back to my study table, suddenly feeling motivated to continue as a way to distract myself from thinking about him.

Thinking that I wouldn’t be facing that state of dilemma again, I just so happen to see a quote the first thing I entered Pinterest.

‘If they were meant to reunite, they had to go separate ways.’

I was then reminded of Taeyong yet again. But I don’t think I was thinking about him as a person, but our relationship. Just our relationship. Having to part ways as a mean to reunite. That’s something I found hard to believe. Why am I having hope that it’ll happen when I highly doubt I’ll experience it? Why is my mind slowly pulling me back to the memories I have with Taeyong? I want him long gone. I want him holed up in the corner of my mind, out of sight, out of mind. But things are always popping up randomly around me, and it all reminded me of him. I feel like it’s his doing, funny enough. Constantly hinting about him with almost everything I come across.

“What the fuck?”

I looked at the Youtube home screen and what was recommended for me. One of the videos had Taeyong’s name. And his face was on the thumbnail. The title? Lee Taeyong | Freestyle dance | Paris In The Rain (Lauv) My finger moved on its own, bringing the cursor to the video and clicking on it.

As I expected, the video was taken in Paris. So that’s where he has been. He was in Paris this whole time without my notice. I was shocked to find that the video has tons of likes and view. I read through the comments. They were all swooning over Taeyong.

“Who wouldn’t?” I said to myself. I scrolled up and played the video. My eyes didn’t leave the screen for a second. I was frozen, not being able to move an inch as I watched, completely in awe. Firstly, Taeyong has his hair dyeda light ashy grey or blue. It suited him well, all too well. His dancing was immensely beautiful. Anyone would fall for him. Visuals, talent. He has it all. Dancer by day, bartender by night. He looked so free and alive in his dance. Serving the world with a hard punch with his deep emotions that were imbued perfectly into his movements.

I bit my lower lip. Fuck. I felt it. The goosebumps, the quivering of my lips. My eyes started to well up with tears. “No, this is not happening again.” The video was still playing, the music ringing in my ears but I couldn’t bear to look at the video. I was watching Taeyong, living the perfect life in Paris. What more could he needed? I clearly wasn’t in his equation. I’m completely gone, removed out of his life. No trace of my presence to be found.

The longer I think, the more I forced myself not to cry. Eventually, being weakling I am, I ended up falling deep into the harsh and intense whirl pool that is my feelings once again, a place I never visited in a long while. The feelings started dancing in my mind like butterflies flapping in unison to the soundtrack of my sadness. I could only assume that it’s what the world wants. It’s how it wants to spin, how it wants to work.

Eight months. I actually counted how long I’ve lost contact with Taeyong for. It didn’t bother me. I was trying to live a life. It’s getting better. It took a lot of baby steps. But I’m feeling a whole lot lighter now. It’s March.

I was walking back from University when my phone started vibrating in my hand since I’ve always left it on silent mode. I lifted it up. It was an unknown number. Instinctively, I chose to not pick up the call. But a few seconds later, the same number showed up on the screen. With a light groan, I picked up and brought the phone to my ear.

“Hello? Who is this?” I asked formally, waiting by the traffic light. I heard the person on the other hand breathe out a chuckle, almost like a disappointed kind. “Who the-”

“So you deleted my number?” That voice... No doubt. It was Lee fucking Taeyong. “Meet me. My home. You got ten minutes.” The call ended.

Rapidly blinking my eyes, I slowly brought down the phone. I read over the number again. It was Taeyong’s phone. Why didn’t I remember it? I used to know it. It’s one of the few things I used to be able to tell off the top of my head. “Ten minutes?” I looked at the time.

I don’t know what urged me, but I ran. I ran as fast as I could. The unknown force. It was unfamiliarly familiar. If that made sense. I was able to live a life without Taeyong. I was. I was capable of it. And that’s what I did. But at the very moment, I felt the need to see him. The spontaneous out of the blue kind of feel. It was all just pouring out of me.

I stood at his doorstep, hand on my chest and other as support for my body against the wall. Panting heavily, I tried to slowly calm myself down. I gulped, and rang the doorbell. No turning back.

The door flung open. And there stood Taeyong. He still had his ashy hair colour. His face never changed a single bit. Nor did his overall physique. He was still handsome, breathtaking. “Come in.”

I sucked my lips and sidled in timidly and warily. Nothing has changed in his house as well. The large bookshelf with the television in the centre. I started to remember the love letters. All of them are hidden in the pages of the books in that very shelf. It reminded me of my feelings for him.

I sat down on the leather couch as Taeyong disappeared into the kitchen. I kept my head faced forward, placing my tote bag down, leaning it against the couch on the floor. Taeyong came back moments later. Two plates with a slice of cheesecake. He handed on to me. “Try it.” He said.

I slowly took a bite. Chewing on it, I scrunched up my nose, placing the plate down on the table. “I hate it. Tastes too artificial.” I commented dryly. Taeyong chuckled and cleared his throat. “Knew you’d say that.” Taeyong shoved a bite into his mouth, eating it as he placed the plate beside mine. “Want to know why you’re here?”

I bobbed my shoulders. This atmosphere, the air between us. It wasn’t awkward at all. Though our words were dry and short, it felt normal. It wasn’t weird being next to him after not seeing him for eight months.

Taeyong stood up, taking small steps to the shelf. As if practiced, he pulled out one letter from a book, another, and another, and another. It was never ending. It took him at least ten minutes to slide out all the letters and placing them on the table. I silently watch, my anxiety turning up a notch with each letter.

He finally took what I hoped was the last letter and went back to sit next to me. A specific letter is held in his hand. He unfolded it, placing the paper on the table and turning it so that I could read.

It was my last love letter.

“So you knew.” I whispered, looking down, leaning forward as I laced my fingers together. I took in a deep breath, my eyes scanning down the note before turning my head to Taeyong. “Then why the fuck didn’t you do anything about it?”

Taeyong lifted the paper off the table, holding it in front of him. He reread it. Running a hand through hair, chest puffing up as he inhaled and exhaled sharply. “Because I wanted you to keep writing to me.”

“What...?” That was definitely not an answer I was expecting.

Taeyong licked his lips, smacking them before sniffling a rubbing his nose. He lets out a weak chuckle. “I liked them. From your handwriting, to your words. I felt it; your love, with each letter.” He whispered softly.

I simply couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This was the explanation and truth I’ve been wanting to hear for months. This is what kept me up at night, what led me to have my mental breakdowns, the constant ‘what if’s I formulated throughout. “You just like them? Taeyong if you’re rejecting fucking do it now-” I was about to scream, but Taeyong was quick to cut me off.

“In a way it felt like you were writing a book. One just for me. That’s why I never bothered to read any other books. I just needed yours. Your... simply overpowering pain in the heart love letters.” Taeyong smiled down at the letter, hovering his fingers over the words.

“And I don’t just like the love letters. I love the author. Paris made me realise that. It took me that long. And I’m sorry for how long you needed to wait.”

“What do you love about the author?”

I could tell Taeyong was taken aback by that question. And I knew he would react that way. He still knew me well, bouncing back and giving a confident answer.

“I don’t want to sound common by saying it’s her smile, laughter, brightness. But it truly is what I love about her. All the times we’ve spent were filled with nothing but pure bliss. Serenity, is what I feel when I’m with her. Longing, like I was meant to be by her side. I’ve known her long enough to know every single detail about her, ones that maybe she doesn’t even know herself. Like how drinks two straws when she’s sad, or having the habit of twiddling her thumbs when she’s excited. Little things like those, I find them adorable. No matter what she is, a nerd, weirdo, plain crackhead, it’s... the energy, her own energy. A light and force only she could illuminate.”

I couldn’t say anything. I frozen stiff by his words. He actually meant it. I could feel it through his voice. He stuttered here and there nervously, finding words to say. But he was able to structure them in the most beautiful way possible. I had no words to say.

Suddenly, Taeyong slowly brought his hand up to cup my cheek. That one touch alone made me feel a lot of things. It was like I was hit by a huge wave of feelings all bunched up together and crashing over me. But it wasn’t something I couldn’t handle. It was overwhelming, but I was calm. I was at peace. It felt good. Just this.

He slowly and carefully swiped his thumbs across my cheeks like I’m the most fragile thing in the world. His touch was lightweight and simply serene. “Another thing the author doesn’t know about herself is that she really doesn’t know when she’s crying and spilling out tears.”

I blinked my eyes, Taeyong smoothing his hands from my cheeks and to my shoulders, placing them there firmly as his eyes stared into mine. I can’t exactly explain what I felt. But it was like the stars aligned, as cliche as that sounds.

‘If they were meant to reunite, they had to go separate way.’ I resonated with this now. I understood what it meant. Our months of separation were all for this exact moment. Both of us suffered, one trying to find themselves again while the other needing the time to realise that what’s most valuable was right in front of him. We needed that gap, for us to reunite and actually be able to love each other properly and willingly. Which definitely would not be a trouble now.

[sixtyeightdays]

you reap what you sow

prompt from @mialuvscats : i hope this meets your expectations ! im sorry this took so long, i tried uploading it from my phone but it glitched and i could only get my hands on the computer today 

i’d like to say that i think if sabine and mari are there, damian and talia willl be relatively looser and not as uptight . mari and sabine are cold but loving and sunshiney. they keep talia and damian in check, essentially. which is why i wrote them in to be loose and free but able to be openly happy when they want to be, even if they are only happy around each other.

with sabine here i also thinkt hat talia will be slightly easier on damian, which also ties to the fact that he will not be as cold and uptight.

talia will be a good mother in this fic bc i want her to be and itll be ooc but its okay its my fic anyway

and the timeline is kinda messed up and all over the place sorry

that aside, have fun reading and i hope you enjoy!

--

talia and sabine are best friends, and before most of the class joins francois, marinette ruled the school after coming to paris with sabine. mari and damian are betrothed and the two are best friends. they can be icy one minute and sunshiney the next, although the sunshiney part is more mari than damian.

maybe the waynes come to paris, bc if theyre in gotham the others wont really know if the queen is back, and theyre kinda unsure why marinette is being timid and very unlike her ice queen demeanor she sometimes uses. mari is closest to jason in terms of batfam because firstly maybe she cleanses jason of the lazarus pit after helping damian using tikki's creation magic to counteract plagg's destruction one. since the waynes are here theres no point in mari hiding her queen status anymore and queue lila reveal

-

Talia al Ghul and Sabine Cheng were an unlikely combination, but worked perfectly well.

The two women were extremely close. Sabine was almost as deadly as Talia, but she made up for it with her devious mindset. She was the one who steered Talia away from doing anything wrong --well more wrong than usual-- and the one who was assigned to dish out punishments to usurpers.

The two could read each other like open books, and hence, when both Talia and Sabine became pregnant, Talia one month before Sabine, the two knew immediately.

They had debated whether or not to have their kids be betrothed, and eventually decided to let their children make the final call when their kids were old enough to understand.

Nine months later, Marinette and Damian were born. In the League infirmary, an hour after the two were cleaned and left there to rest while their mothers did the same, the two had already grown rather close.

Their baby cribs were next to each other, and somehow they were staring at each other through the walls of the crib, and were making small grabby hands to the other.

When Talia and Sabine were sufficiently rested and came to pick up their children, they were slightly shocked, yet gratified by their children. Sabine smiled and draped an arm around Talia’s shoulder, smiling lazily.

“I guess they’ll be as close as their mothers, non?” 

Talia smirked, and the two walked forwards, lifting their respective children in their arms and walking to their quarters.

-

The two mothers did not regret it. Their kids were enamoured with each other, practically joined at the hip.

By the time Marinette and Damian were 5, they had a very extensive vocabulary, since they had learned to speak Arabic, French and English. They were also extremely smart and skilled with weapons. 

Marinette was extremely adept at using a yoyo. It seemed weird, I know. But when the League was stormed when she was 3, she had taken out 4 men with her yoyo alone. Since then, she had been teaching herself how to use the yoyo effectively.

Damian preferred to use a katana. He looked much scarier than Marinette, even if the two were the same age. He had found a natural talent in using blades, knives, katanas and daggers included.

Marinette was the Rain to Damian’s Fire. 

She was the only one who could calm Damian down when he was mad, mad.

But make no mistake, Marinette could switch personalities in a heartbeat. She was one of the League’s most skilled interrogators at the age of 5.

After all, who would suspect a pigtailed 5 year old in pink to be scary?

Damian much preferred his stoic and icy attitude. The only people he ever let loose around was Marinette, Sabine, and Talia.

Talia and Sabine loved the children to an almost deadly extent, and the four were extremely overprotective of each other.

Marinette had taken to magic as well. She had been trained by many people in the League about sensing magic. Damian did not have the patience for magic and rituals. 

Marinette knew Damian was more of a ‘attack first ask questions later’ type of fighter, a stark contrast to Marinette’s ‘i will curse you and you will suffer in agonising pain for the rest of your life’ preferred type of fighting.

She’d never really liked getting her hands dirty, hence the magic. Killing people with magic was so much cleaner.

Sabine and Marinette had to leave for Paris when she was 9. For what, she wasn’t sure, but regardless of the distance, she and Damian constantly traded calls and letters. They would never go even a day without contact.

They were staying with one of Sabine’s old friends. His name was Tom Dupain, and he was an old wrestler and had worked with the League before. He and Sabine pretended to be married and Marinette’s name had hence became Marinette Dupain Cheng.

Damian and Talia stayed at the League, although all of them knew that Damian was to meet his birth father when he turned 10.

Marinette adapted her icy demeanor in Paris, never wanting anyone to get as close as she was with Damian. 

A few hours in, walking around Paris, she had met an elderly man in a red Hawaiian shirt, emitting the aura of magic. She had confronted him, and eventually, he opened up to her about the Miraculous. Tikki, the Ladybug kwami, and Plagg, the Black Cat kwami had taken a liking to her.

Marinette was apparently something called a True User, a reincarnation of the first Ladybug miraculous wielder. Plagg just rather liked the aura of death and chaos she apparently gave off, from the League.

She and the other Kwamis also had a rather amicable relationship, and she’d go to the ends of the Earth for the tiny gods, and vice versa.

The elderly man, named Fu, had also started to train her into becoming the new Guardian of the Miraculous.

Before, Marinette had been planning on laying low and not drawing atention to herself, but once she had beaten up two upperclassmen for bullying her classmate and somewhat accquaintance Nino, she had been fiercely regarded by both the students and faculty. 

As a result, she eventually grew close to Nino, and his friends, Kim, Alix and Chloe. She only ever let down her icy demeanour around them, showing the bright and bubbly girl persona she kept hidden. She wasn’t as close to them as she was to Damian, but they were all still quite close friends. 

It wasn’t long after that Marinette became the queen of her school, at the tender age of 10, earning her title as the Ladybug. Or, as Chloe liked to put it, the Lady, because she was lucky enough to ‘get a friend like her’.

Marinette didn’t protest. She rather liked Ladybugs, and besides, it was ironic and it reminded her a little of Damian, who sometimes liked to call her his Maribug. Because she was sometimes a pest, he deadpanned. Marinette had whacked him with a pillow. 

Everyone in the school feared the Ladybug. No one knew anything of her past. She was a mystery, an enigma that no one could solve. When new students came in after Marinette turned 14, everyone was slightly shocked to see their Lady change.

She was much more bubbly and approachable. Word had spread around that Marinette, the Lady, was trying a clean slate for the new kids. After all, not everyone should fear her.

Probably.

School eventually returned to what it was like before Marinette became the Lady, although she did still rule the school, she did it much more subtly, with more restraint and secrecy.

One of the new kids, Alya, had taken a liking to her. Marinette did not like her  very much, she was loud and clingy and drew a lot of unwanted attention. 

Marinette and her old crew, who had playfully called themselves her Consorts before the name stuck, had split up temporarily, to cover more ground and spread their branches.

Chloe was to pretend to be Marinette’s bully, Kim and Alix rivals, and Nino a shy recluse. They had had a good laugh about it beforehand, before watching Moana, because Kim wanted to compare the size of his muscles to Maui’s.

None of them had accounted for Adrien Agreste, who had tried to get the gum off Marinette’s seat like the naive, sheltered boy he was. Marinette had admittedly gotten mad at him for screwing up a perfectly good plan, before ramping up her ice persona to like, a 2/10, to get the newbies off her scent and scare Adrien away.

It hadn’t worked, because the boy was apparently as stubborn as he was naive. But besides that, Alya had been really grating on Marinette’s nerves, especially since she was convinced that Marinette had a crush on the model. It was not true, of course. 

Honestly, Marinette thought dryly, as Alya dragged her all over the place to.. somewhere, she wasn’t even sure anymore. But frankly, she didn’t particularly care. Honestly, the only boy she’d probably ever have a crush on would be Damian.

Not that she’d ever admit it.

-

When Marinette and Damian turned 10, she and Sabine had taken a plane to Gotham to meet up with Damian.

Damian had not been having a good time. He was very much unwanted here, that was clear. 

Grayson seemed to be the only one trying to interact with him. His father, had been trying his best to stay out of Damian’s way, which he reciprocated. Todd was flat out ignoring him and Drake just seemed to be busy all the time.

After all, who would want to interact with a grumpy 10 year old assassin?

He missed Marinette.

It was the day Todd finally tried to open up to Damian, that Marinette had arrived. No one had told him that she was finally meeting him again for the first time in a year. Sabine had left Marinette to figure out where Damian was on her own. She was more than capable of it.

With a quick scrying spell, she found him, and Kaalki opened a portal headed in the direction of Wayne Manor.

Meanwhile, Damian just appreciated the fact that Todd was finally extending an olive branch. He was lonely.

It hurt seeing his father care for everyone in the manor apart from him.

He had been walking along the gardens in the manor. Todd had joined him.

“Listen, I know it’s hard to feel accepted here. Sometimes, I do.” Jason gazed wistfully at the sky above him.

Damian was unsure of where the ex-Robin was getting at, so he just kept quiet. It wasn’t as if Damian didn’t know who Jason Todd was. Before he had come to the manor with Talia, he had read the Waynes’ files. In addition, Damian had known of Jason while he was affiliated with the League. They had never talked, or interacted, but he had known of the elder boy. 

“I just, uh, wanted you to know that if you ever need anything, you can come to me.” He finished lamely, running a hand in his hair.

Damian opened his mouth, then closed it, hesitating. “Thank you, Ja--Todd. I will.” He settled on saying dryly.

Jason visibly relaxed and cracked a miniscule smile. There was a sudden ‘swoosh’ sound, and both Jason and Damian turned around, bodies automatically going on the defensive.

Stumbling out of Alfred’s rose bushes, trodding on a few accidentally, was Marinette.

“Angel!” Damian exclaimed, moving forwards to help her forwards.

She brushed her shoulders off, looking around before freezing, staring at something behind him.

“Jay?”

“Pixie?” He asked, sounding incredulous.

Marinette rushed forward and wrapped him in a tight embrace. Jason laughed and hugged her back, chuckling.

Damian quashed down the bubbling feeling of rage in the pit of his stomach and settled for casting a frosty glance in their direction. Not that they noticed, since they were too busy embracing each other, Damian thought scornfully.

The two pulled apart after too long in Damian’s opinion, laughing.

“Angel? How do you know Todd?” Damian asked coldly, ever so protective.

If Jason noticed the sudden reversion to his surname instead of his first, he didn’t say anything.

“Oh, he came to Paris with Lia once and I cleansed him of the Lazarus pit madness, like I did with you.” She replied.

“What are you doing here?” Jason asked. Damian had forgotten about that.

“Visiting, of course!” She winked. “Now, let’s give your old man a good scare.” She pecked Damian on the cheek before vanishing. (Thanks, Trixx.)

Jason and Damian looked to each other. “Did you know she could do that?” Jason questioned. Damian shook his head before pausing.

“Wait.. how did she get into the manor?” 

The only response was the faint echo of a laugh.

-

It was time for dinner anyway, and only Damian, Jason, and Alfred knew of Marinette’s presence. Marinette had voluntary evelaed herself to the elderly butler after noticing his aura. 

It was Miraculous tainted. If Marinette could guess, he had been either one of Duusu’s, Sass’s, or Nooroo’s.

When the butler had retired to the kitchen alone, Marinette had unraveled Trixx’s magic veiling her and waved at the butler.

To hi credit, he didn’t so much as bat an eye before his eyes widened as he took her in. Marinette cut to the chase.

“Who was your kwami?” Alfred had surveyed her for a second before seemingly trusting her.  

“Duusu.” He answered.

Marinette smiled. “I’m Tikki’s.” From her perch in Marinette’s left pigtail, the red Kwami pried open the folds of her hair, waving once at Alfred before sinking back into the recesses of the bluenette’s locks.

Alfred blinked. Once. Twice. “I’m presuming you’re staying for dinner?”

Marinette beamed. “I’m gonna scare the big bat.” Alfred nodded, accepting this. Marinette clapped her hands and she disappeared again. Alfred shook his head, smiling faintly.

Conveniently, it was one of the times where everyone was there. Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian. Rare these days, what with Dick in Bludhaven, Tim at WE, and Jason off being Jason.

Bruce was currently on his way back from WE, although it would take around half an hour. He had told everyone to start eating first. Perfect. 

After Marinette’s encounter with Alfred, she had reappeared in Damian’s room, where she and Damian caught up. Just like old times.

She had disappeared again once she left the room, and Damian wasn’t entirely sure where she went.

Alfred set the the table as per normal, which Damian and Jason noticed right away. They looked to Alfred, who merely winked before stepping back into the kitchen and laying out the food.

There was a screech of a chair as Marinette, disguised as Bruce (Trixx in her right pigtail and Tikki in the left) sat down. Dick looked startled. 

“I thought you wouldn’t be back till later!” Dick exclaimed.

Mari-Bruce shrugged. “Faster than I’d expected.” She answered, securing the veil of Trixx’s magic around her vocal chords, making her voice sound exactly like Bruce’s.

Jason inched away slightly from Bruce, though she pretended not to notice.

Alfred nodded at her as he reentered the room.

Everyone dug in, occasionally talking. It had been about 25 minutes before the sound of the door opening could be heard. Damian and Jason’s head shot up, thinking it was Marinette.

Mari-Bruce smirked. Showtime.

Bruce entered the room, not noticing Mari at first. Until the batboys gaped at him. He looked confused. What--?

Mari-Bruce was a pretty great actress. “Who are you?” She thundered, internally laughing.

“Who are you? I’m Bruce Wayne.” He answered, looking befuddled and frustrated.

“Impostor.” Mari-Bruce accused. 

Bruce spluttered. “No! I’m the real Bruce!” 

Mari-Bruce scoffed. “That’s what an impostor would say.”

Damian and Jason seemed to figure it out, although they probably weren’t sure which Bruce was the real one yet.

Tim rubbed his eyes. “Am I seeing double, or?” 

Bruce said, “Ask me something the real Bruce would know.”

Dick looked torn, but did as requested. “Who murdered your parents?”

“Joe Chill.” They both said at the same time. Mari-Bruce and Bruce winced, selling the act.

“When’s my birthday?” Tim asked. 

“July 17th.” Both Bruces answered.

Tim looked surprised. “You actually know my birthday?��

“No shit, Tim.” Mari-Bruce said, rolling their eyes. She rather wanted to proceed to the next part of her plan. 

“Would I say that to you, Tim?” Bruce asked slightly desperately. 

“Maybe?” 

Bruce facepalmed. In the confusion, Mari took the chance to slink into the shadows where she rewrapped Trixx’s invisible magic around her.

Only Damian noticed. He smirked. “Where did he go?” He asked, placing a hand on the hilt of his katana for emphasis. He didn’t see Marinette smile at him.

Everyone looked panicked. “Search the manor.” Bruce ordered.

Jason still looked slightly skeptical but did as he said. Damian drew his katanas and tilted it in the direction he was going.

Amongst everyone, Bruce was the most attacked. While Jason and Damian paired off, Tim and Dick did as well, ("Don’t go alone!” Was Bruce’s admonished cry), Bruce had gone alone. 

If she were being honest, Marinette had always had a grudge against the billionaire. He hadn’t saved his son, he had tried to kill his son, even though he had a no killing rule --which Marinette thought was plain stupid--, and he had left Damian to suffer at the hands of Ra’s Al Ghul.

Talia could only do so much to save her son.

Yes, Marinette was aware that Bruce hadn’t know Damian existed, but now he was still treating Damian as if he didn’t exist. Marinette knew how much Damian craved affection, even if he never admitted it.

Yes, maybe Bruce was getting better, but maybe she could.. spur the process.

So Marinette retaliated in one of the many ways she knew how.

Messing with them.

So when the Waynes regrouped in the dining room, Jason, Damian, Dick and Tim came back unharmed, and Jason had been filled in by Damian of his suspicions. But Bruce? 

He came back covered in honey and feathers, drenched with water and covered in pink slime. 

“Why is he going after me?” Bruce had questioned in that annoying voice of his, after looking over his spotless sons.

Jason shrugged. “Maybe he doesn’t like you. God knows he’s not the only one.” 

Bruce looked slightly hurt but Jason didn’t seem to care in the slightest.

“Maybe this person is infatuated with you and is vying for your attention.” Damian deadpanned dryly. Marinette had smacked him on the back of his head, still invisible.

But the damage had been done.

Bruce snapped his fingers and ‘aha!’-ed at Damian. “That must be it!” Bruce crowed.

“Are you that narcissistic, you arrogant plebeian?” Marinette’s normally cheery voice was dry and dripping with distaste as she unwrapped her magic.

Bruce, Dick and Tim immediately went on the defensive, shifting into a battle stance. Marinette only scoffed.

“If I wanted to harm you, I would have already done so.” Marinette waved a hand in their direction dismissively.

Dick looked confused. “You’re like, ten.” He pointed out.

Damian glared. “I am ten as well, Grayson.” 

Tim butted in. “Are we not going to acknowledge the fact that this tiny ten year old broke into the manor unnoticed?” 

That brought everyone to their senses.

They were suddenly surprised by Marinette running at Jason, full speed. They expected him to duck or whip out a weapon, but all he did was stand still as she flipped in midair to land on his shoulders.

To their utter shock, Jason grinned, even as she fisted her hands in his hair for a better grip.

Damian only smiled fondly at his Angel. She was as short as he remembered, Damian noted. 

He missed her. More than anything.

Marinette beamed, and slid off Jason’s shoulders.

“Why did you attack me?” Bruce asked.  “Isn’t it obvious, fool?” Marinette revamped her icy demeanor and glared at the civilian Batman. “I despise you.”

Bruce looked very affronted. But Mariinette ignored him, even as he continued talking and made her way over to Damian.

“Damibear!” Marinette sang, as if she hadn’t seen him less than an hour ago.

The Waynes looked as if they expected Damian to attack her just for calling him that. They were not expecting him to grin and say, “Angel.”

Mari jumped on his back, and Damian merely repositioned himself accordingly, used to this from all her previous piggybacks.

“Okay so Jason and Damian helped her get into the manor.” Tim deduced, only to notice Jason and Damian shaking their heads.

“All by herself.” Damian and Jason chorused. Marinette made bunny ears on top of Damian’s head.

She kissed Damian’s forehead lovingly, replying to his ‘i am older than you’ with a ‘yeah by like a week’, and looked to his family. 

She winked.

Then disappeared.

There was silence, and then, “Wait, we didn’t even get her name!” From Dick.

Damian and Jason were interrogated that night, and they refused to tell them anything related to Marinette.

Marinette smiled from where she had hidden in the shadows, and made her way back to Damian’s room. She curled up in Damian’s bed, drifting into sleep. She was almost asleep when Damian returned.

And when Damian pressed his lips to her forehead and whispered, “Goodnight, Angel”, a smile made her way onto her lips.

By the time Damian had slipped into bed with her, her head leaning comfortably on his chest, she had fallen asleep.

-

When the two turned 15, Talia and Sabine sat them down and told them about the betrothal. Damian had been visiting with Talia.

It had been almost two months since Lila had turned her classmates against her, not that she cared, of course. She still had her Consorts after all.

“Marinette, Damian, we’d like to tell you something. An offer? Of sorts. I’m relatively sure you will accept, however.” 

Talia smiled as Marinette dragged a grumpy Damian over to them by the head, beaming brightly.

“Oh come on, Mian! Don’t be such a grumpy banana.” Marinette reprimanded the older boy who was rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

The boy only smiled lazily, and ran another hand through his best friend’s hair, the girl making a small noise of protest. “Thats what you get for calling me a noodle, Angel.” (if you didn’t know miàn means noodle in chinese)

Sabine cleared her throat but looked at the two with amusement clear in her eyes.

They straightened. “Sorry, maman,” Mari muttered.

“Now, before you two were born, Sabine and I had an agreement. We are perfectly fine with this and the implications of it, so it is up to you to whether to accept or not.” Talia got straight to the point.

The two children looked to each other curiously before turning back to their parents. Damian nodded in acknowledgment and Sabine picked up where Talia left off.

“How do you feel about each other?” Sabine asked, watching the two closely for their reactions.

“If that’s your way of asking us if we’re okay to be siblings, since you and Lia are dating, Maman--” Marinette started but was quickly interrupted by a barely noticeably flushed Talia.

“No, not that, and we aren’t dating, Nette.” Talia aimed a playful glare at the girl, who grinned and blew a raspberry at her.

“How would you and Damian like to be betrothed?” Sabine asked, smiling at her friend and daughter fondly.

Marinette spluttered and Damian coughed. 

Talia and Sabine burst out into laughter.

After the adults got their laughter under control and after a few glares from their kids, Damian spoke up.

“Marinette is my best friend. If I had to be betrothed to anyone, I’m glad it’s her.” Damian looked away and Marinette coughed awkwardly into her elbow.

“You misunderstand us. You don’t have to be betrothed. The choice is yours.”

Damian felt slightly attacked. He really did like Marinette, and the betrothal was an easy excuse to ask her out (even if he was a 15 year old). He didn’t know if Marinette felt the same way, and he didn’t want to impose that on her, so he kept quiet.

Marinette, who was looking deep in thought, answered.

“Can I talk to Damian for a while, privately?”

Damian, despite his better judgement, winced. This was probably the first time in a really long time that Marinette called him by his full name. It was normally Dami, Damibear to annoy him, or some other weird nickname like Mr Grumpy Banana this morning.

Regardless, the bluenette hadn’t called him “Damian” for a very long time. Two years, maybe.

She walked out of the room, Damian trailing slightly behind, before stopping a few feet outside the room.

Marinette slid down onto the floor, her back pressed against it and head in her hands. Damian frowned. He didn’t want his best friend looking so.. dejected. He ignored the slight pang of hurt that the thought of being with him could get this kind of reaction out of her.

He sat down next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder like he always did when any of them felt upset. He was happy to feel her lean into his side like she always did. 

She turned her head and buried it in Damian’s side, breathing in his comforting scent of paints and nature. He tightened his hold on her ever so slightly and she almost burst into tears.

It wasn’t that she was opposed to being in an engagement with Damian, it was just that she didn’t particularly want to be with anyone or love anyone, especially after her father died and Damian’s father abandoned him.

Her mother and aunt didn’t show it, but they were sad about their fathers. She had heard Talia interacting with her ‘beloved’ before, and it almost always ended up in tears or frustration. (Not that Mari blamed her, Bruce was kind of an asshole.)

She felt Damian’s chin press into her scalp and a hint of a smile grazed her lips. But this was Damian. Damian who was her best friend. Damian who supported her no matter what. Damian who comforted her and was there for her whenever she needed it.

Damian would never hurt her. And she was determined never to hurt him, ever, if she could help it.

She looked up and smiled at Damian. The smile he loved so much, the smile she always had on whenever she saw him, the smile that would unconsciously fly to her lips whenever she heard his voice.

Maybe it was then that Marinette should’ve known that she loved her best friend, but then again, she was only fifteen. She didn’t know what love was. But she would. Very soon.

“We accept.” Damian told Sabine and Talia when they reentered the room.

“We thought you would.” Talia replied.

-

When Marinette turned 16, her last year at Francois Dupont, six months since she’d made Lila’s time a living hell with her Ladybug (both in suit and in school), and fashion clients connections, the Waynes had visited.

Turns out, Damian and Jason got caught trying to sneak onto the Wayne private jet but instead of stopping them, they insisted they came along too, having pieced together that Damian and Jason were going to visit the mysterious tiny girl they couldn’t find the name of.

So they had no choice.

And os that leads to now, with the Waynes standing in the courtyard, elicting a growing crowd as they waited for Marinette, looking the part of scary rich people that can end your life without a problem.

Damian suddenly started running, and he hugged a girl. No one could see who the girl was because her head was buried in Damian’s chest and his body was shielding hers.

Not many people in the courtyard was surprised when they pulled away and standing there was Marinette Dupain-Cheng. After all, she was one of the most successful students in class that didn’t get fame from famous relatives. No, al her fame was hers alone.

In fact, the only people surprised were Marinette’s class, not-so-fondly referred to as the Akuma Class.  Her Consorts were the only one who knew of her betrothed, Damian. Other than that, Marinette had never been willing to share. 

When Marinette saw the other Waynes however, after hugging Jason, she rolled her eyes. Bruce, Dick and Tim stalked forwards, looking every inch the scary billionaires they were.

It was broken by Dick hugging the girl and gushing over how cool she was. Tim smiled at her and she had smiled back. Marinette flipped Bruce the bird.

“Why are you... so sunny? You definitely weren’t like that when you threatened us in Gotham. You were such an ice queen.” Tim mentioned, failing to keep the amusement out of his tone.

“What do you mean? Marinette’s always been like that, even if she is a bitch now. There’s no way she can be cold.” Alya remarked snidely.

Alix and Chloe stalked forward, raising thier fists threatningly. But Marinette only laughed coldly.

“You wanna see cold, Cesaire?” Marinette snarled, dropping all acts of being nice. 

The Lady was back. Publicly.

The silence was interrupted by Rose, who asked, "But Lila, don't you know the Waynes?"

Said Lila had been trying to slink away unnoticed, but when her name was mentioned, all attention diverted back to her, effectively keeping her in place. Her pale face and scared eyes were enough to tell that she had indeed been lying. 

Yells and screams broke out across the courtyard as the Akuma Class berated Lila for lying to them all this while. Until, Marinette interrupted, face set in a ice cold, stony position 

"Okay, blame her for lying." She started. "But why did you believe her?" 

The Akuma Class drew a blank and didn't respond. Partially because they didn't know what to say, and partially because Marinette's mere presence was overwhelmingly intimidating. Marinette sighed and pressed on. 

"Everything the Liar has said can be found faulty by a simple internet search." It was true, and the class knew it. When no one replied, Marinette shook her head sardonically. "You reap what you sow." 

She turned to her betrothed. In an instant, her icy mood was gone, replaced with the sunshiney-ness the Akuma Class had grown used to. 

"C'mon, Dami!" She gave him a quick peck on the lips, hoisting herself up on Damian's back. Damian grasped her legs tightly, as she continued to be piggybacked by him. 

"Onward!" She cried out dramatically, pointing to the school exit. 

Damian only rolled his eyes fondly at his beloved, steering themselves out, her Consorts and his family behind them. 

None of them looked back. 

If they did, they would've seen the expressions of disbelief and regret etched onto every one of her old classmates' faces. 

Not that they would care.

-

5k words yay

also uh yeah again, sorry this took so long, i kept hitting a mental block while writing this and it didnt manage to upload from my phone for no good reason :( 

but anyway its up now, i hope u find this acceptable! :)