#read: a queerer person

[hergrandplan]

gonna get a haircut today and become a whole new person methinks

[chaoswithcausation]

.

[thatone-churro]

honestly, at this point i’m not even worried about my personal project being so long because if warrior cats is going this long AND LONGER my series will still end up shorter. jesus christ.

[dreamofbecoming]

listen i know we all love steve “completely ignorant of queer culture to the point that bisexuality is a surprise” harrington being roasted and educated in turns by robin and eddie, yadda yadda, good stuff. i read “they made a horror version of rocky?” in a fic recently and cackled. also a big fan of “he knew he was bi from the start and just never talked about it” as a trope, love it excellent well done

but what about steve who realizes after starcourt that the most important person in his life now has this thing that’s a major part of her life that he knows nothing about, and what if he fucks it up? what if he says something ignorant or rude by accident, and hurts her? what if he loses her because he didn’t know the right thing to say? what if he can’t keep her safe because he doesn’t know what to look out for? absolutely fucking not, this steve says

and listen she’d never say anything, because she can tell that he can tell how much she likes teasing him and teaching him things, so he plays dumb, and she thinks it’s very sweet. but she notices when the zines she keeps under her bed that she buys at that one secret bookshop in indy when she can sneak away on family trips start going missing, always one at a time, and replaced in a few days with another disappearing. and she finds the new ones he must have gone to buy the weekend she was at her aunt’s house hidden in the back of his closet when she goes to steal one of his sweaters. and she notices when he slips more of her queerer movie recommendations into his personal take home pile rather than the movie night stack when he thinks she’s not looking.

she doesn’t notice when he drives to indianapolis after she tries to explain to him why she can’t just ask out a cute girl, tries to impress on him the fear attached to every moment of attraction that he simply has never had to feel, but later she finds a crumpled receipt from a diner in one of his jacket pockets when she’s looking for his keys, and the address is across the street from the bar the gorgeous woman at the bookstore told her about, the one she memorized the address of but hasn’t worked up the guts to think about visiting, and she knows he must have gone looking for a place like that, must have been trying to understand, must have been scoping it out to make sure it was somewhere she could feel safe, after she told him she never had.

so when eddie nearly pops a blood vessel when they clock each other and she mentions that steve is the only person she’s ever come out to before, her hackles come up. because she gets it, she does, he’s only known king steve until recently, so it makes sense that he would be afraid, be concerned for her safety.

but steve is her person, and no one- no one- has ever made her feel as protected or as cared for as he does. no one has ever tried as hard to understand her, no one has ever put so much work into making her feel safe and seen and loved. and she thinks maybe even if no one else ever does, that’s ok. because she has steve, and more importantly steve has her, and that means no one gets to question his ally credentials in her presence without a dressing down to remember, no matter how well they mean or how recently they helped save the world.

(and maybe she’s not as surprised as she could be when he figures out bisexuality all on his own, because she’s been reading all the same pamphlets he has, after all. and she’s seen the way he looks at eddie, i mean come on. maybe no one else has noticed, but then, nobody knows steve harrington like she does.)

[zephirite]

'Complicated' doesn't equal 'Queer'

The analysis of Mizu's gender and identity are wonderful to read. I am a massive fan of queer readings that complicate and enhance the present narrative, and feel like a natural extension of the character.

However. It is a bit saddening that people see a fraught relationship with gender and immediately label it as fraught because it's queer, instead of allowing their idea of womanhood to expand to include fraught relationships with gender expression. It's as if...the demographics Mizu's confirmed to belong to (being a woman and being bi-racial) aren't 'enough', so people have to put her in another demographic (being trans) in order to care about/understand her. It feels like it erases the specificity of her story as being ABOUT womanhood, because they cannot fathom womanhood being this full with pain and confusion without signifying queerness. For a relationship (between people, or between a person and themself) to be queer, one would say it must fall outside of the norms enforced by society. But in reality, EVERYONE is outside the norm in various ways. There is no person who's a paragon of society, strutting about confidently. It's why the 'all white men have it easy' argument fails; if it's not gender or race complicating your life, it's religion, ability, mental illness, wealth, language, or a million other things. In reality, everyone has a complicated relationship with all facets of their identity. People are forced into roles now as much as during the Edo period, just in different ways. So anyone expressing difficulty within their roles does not immediately equate to them being queer. Is Akimi queer because she wants to control her life? By modern standards, we'd say "No", because modern conceptions of womanhood include independence. But during the Edo period, womanhood equaled ownership. Seki tells this to Amiki, and she flees, determined to prove him wrong. By their standards, her attempting independence is inherently non-womanly. Another cultural/historical difference is the characters in this show don't have the luxury of their presentation being self-expression. To claim that Mizu wears pants, a hat, and cloak because she IS a man ignores that being revealed as a woman will get her kicked out of cities, killed, assaulted, or ignored. She is not living in a neutral environment and choosing to dress 'masc'; she's trying to survive. She wants to be seen as a man so she can be let into the city, and not freeze--which we see happen to a woman and her child, whom the guard refused to let in without her dead husband. If Mizu didn't have to fight and lived with people who all knew she was female--and she still dressed in men's apparel--that would signify her comfort in far queerer ways than pure survival. (Notice she wore a kimono around Mikio for years without seeming any less comfortable in it than her 'male' clothing. She dresses for her role, not personal expression.) Other characters allowed to fret over their appearance without the fans questioning their gender.

Akimi is haunted by having to blacken her teeth, since it signifies how she'll have to modify her body to appeal to the husband she doesn't want. And Taigen is distraught over Mizu slicing his topknot--not for the bald spot, as Akimi teases--but because even cutting hair was seen as defiling the body your family gave you. Additionally, it was done without his consent--therefore ruining his honor as a warrior, which was how Akimi's father justified ending their engagement. Both these reasons could lend themselves to queer narratives, but because Aikmi and Taigen dress consistently in their gendered clothing, the fans let them maintain their cultural significance and don't question their genders. Whereas Mizu looking at her boobs supposedly signifies dysphoria--and therefore being trans--as opposed to the growth of something that could get her discovered, and ruin her life. Bit inconsistent, no? I can see where people relate to the androgyny/trans/nonbinary reading of Mizu--but that should be an expansion of themes, not an exclusion. Let womanhood stay part of that analysis. Please.

I've been longing for a show to critically dissect womanhood in a historical and cultural context, and was so excited to see if other people felt as seen as I did. So watching some Queer headcanons ignore the established cultural, character-specific, and plot of the story...kinda stings. It's similar to the Encanto fiasco, where fans were quick to prioritize their assumption of a character's gender/sexuality/neurodivergence over their established motives. Like Isabella not wanting to marry a man because she was a lesbian, instead of her feeling pressured to do it because it was what her family expected of someone as 'perfect' and 'pretty' as her. Being a lesbian could've enhanced that, but claiming that was the ONLY reason rubbed people the wrong way. Particularly, people who were excited to see cultural norms and familial expectations mold the characters. Now, headcanons harm no one. Characters are not fragile; they can be stretched to fit many interpretations. But when entering a fandom, we do not leave our biased baggage at the door. And it might be nice to question why we feel the need to take a situation we may not understand and reshape it to fit our modern lens, instead of growing our understanding. It's cute to imagine the characters in a less-fraught world, but...are we losing the very essence of the characters when we do?

[indigomono]

thinking about orv. how most people (including myself) started because of joongdok and some without knowing they weren’t canon lol.

my experience with orv was actually funny because i knew jd were only a fandom pair, so i didn’t have high expectations. however, while i read it i couldn’t even understand why they were so famous and half of the fandom liked them as a couple? me, a person who takes in bromance as canon romance in their heart, couldn’t see the hype?? that was a first. at that point (half of the novel) i already loved all the characters and didn’t care anymore about shipping, tho the other half sold me enough to like jd casually. THE THING IS orv is a novel made to hit the most when you reach the epilogue. those last 20 chapters redefine completely the reader's perception about what is orv, it changes orv to something even greater and emotional than it already was. when you finish it and you look at the broader picture and realize what just happened it’s like . you feel like you read the greatest love story of the century. take it in a romantic/platonic way of love or not, you actually don’t even care because of how much it transcends everything… you feel like it’s something bigger than love.

so yeah, i’m here enjoying jd and i personally think the cp vibes are too strong to ignore idk there’s far too many romantic tropes and that nirvana arc is an allegory on its own, BUT don’t get it twisted. whatever they have going on (+ hsy) is something so greater that just romantic love won’t ever be able to compete with. it’s soulmatism at its og form.

besides the epilogue shift, it’s also a matter of knowing the characters, after 500+ chapters you can tell when they’re lying (kdj i’m looking at you), what their actions mean and why they behave in a certain way, so when you look back there’s subtle and odd interactions everywhere. yjh smiling at kdj in the first chapters, for example, waiting for him to get out of the river for days and feeling disappointed when thinking he died— those were weird WEIRD things our yjh wouldn’t do normally, for anyone! much less for a random guy he just met!!! but we, as readers who have yet to know what is normal for yjh, don’t find it strange. in conclusion, everything you didn’t give much thought in your first read becomes gayer.

in conclusion, you naively hop in for the black & white gays and end up getting a much more sinister angsty queerer existencial something-something you will only understand when you finish the story. you won’t fully get orv until you reach the very last chapter and read the very last line!!!!

[absolutebl]

Hi!

I love your Blog and love to read your takes in everything. So thank you so much for all your Posts and thoughts about the industry etc.

Here is my question: i came across one of your posts where you wrote "actually gay, not bl gay" (it was a Post about Jojo and Only Friends) and while I FELT that I TOTALLY understood what you meant and instantly was like "yes 100% clear" Id love to read and learn more about what this means exactly and why some bls feel quite heteronormative while some dont. Would you mind explain the take on "actually gay Not Bl gay" a little bit? And why some Shows feel just more queer than others (besides the unbelievable stupid "gay only for you" trope lol)

Thank you so much and I hope you will have a nice day!

actually gay, not bl gay

There's actually quite a discourse on this right now mostly originating with @waitmyturtles and @wen-kexing-apologist (Post @killiru references above is here.)

I tend to mostly talk about this in broad brush strokes as a queer lens.

But there's a great ven diagram (which of course I've lost the link to) that approaches the idea of and queer lens by tunneling into its approach and intent:

about queers

by queers

for queers

How do different BLs intersect in different ways with these three elements?

When I said "actually gay, not BL gay" I was alluding to this discourse. Specifically the "about queers" category of BL.

There are characters in BL who read as genuinely gay (as in belonging to the queer family of this terrible reality we live in) and then there are those that seem more performative (to exist in a bubble of fantasy were sexual identity is almost unimportant, only the romance matters, everything is safe sweetness & light). For some queers this can read as manipulative or even exploitive (because it is inauthentic to most queer experiences). For me, it's fine... even desirable. I like the safe bubble. I enjoy the utter delusional escapism of it. Sometimes I will call this sanitized gay. (Since it is designed to make gay palatable to non-gay identified folks e.g. seme/uke.)

A sanitized gay BL may be unintentional but it is nested in origin yaoi and mm romance whose target market has never been the queer community, and whose authors have historically not been members of it, either.

Let's be frank, we queers are generally a terrible target market, we don't have enough spending power - especially not for a piece of pop culture as niched as BL. And as creators we really want our voices to be heard (obvs), which makes us produce content that those unsympathetic or uncaring find uncomfortable. (Yes, I know, fuck them, but also, they have all the money and the entertainment industry is a numbers game.)

So in the arena of office romances, just as an example:

actually gay = The New Employee

sanitized gay = Our Dating Sim

actual gay = Step By Step

sanitized gay = A Boss And a Babe

All of the above have the same tropes, archetypes, and premises. All of them are BL. Some are just... queerer feeling than others. And the characters in those shows (Step by Step and The New Employee) read as more "actually gay."

This has nothing to do with the actors, chemsitry, or how much we may personally like the show (Our Dating Sim is one of my absolute favorite BLs). It has to do with how closely those CHARACTERS intersect with the reality of queerness as we inhabit it today. It will be lots of little touches given to the drama by director and script:

language use,

surrounding friendships (and friendship style),

mannerisms and physicality (specially body language around straights vs other queer characters),

makeup & wardrobe,

facial expressions,

surrounding queer-coded behaviors by side characters,

layers of story nuance that indicate a complicated queer-driven back story.

Markers of specifically a queer identity are given to the leads.

These kinds of BLs are satisfying the "about queers" category. ("By queers" can be difficult to extract because IRL outting is involved. "For queers" is the rarest kind of BL, because making something specifically for us often alienates the majority of the rest of viewership/market. I could be argued that SCOY did this.)

I'm sure I've missed things, but I hope that kinda makes sense?

By/For/About discourse from @wen-kexing-apologist here:

Parts 1

Part 2

Part 3

I'm indebted to them for the links!

More Queer Stuff from Yours Truly

BL Linguistics & Queer Identity - I Am Gay versus I Like Men 

Will BL Get More Honestly Queer? 

Queer lens (from the director) and chemistry (from the actors) in BL (A Tale of Thousand Stars)

Touch & Daisy in Secret Crush On You - Queer Coded Language and 3rd Gender Identity

BL in Taiwan & Gay Marriage

Debating Queerbaiting in BL ( + Devil Judge... is it queerbaiting?) 

BL Actors and the Assumption of Queerness - outing actors, coming out, being out, more:  Is that BL actor actually queer?

So is it really fetishization? straight women loving bl 

Some BL fans are sasaengs, and it’s a problem in this fandom 

BLs That Highlight How Society Treats Queers

10 BLs That Are Honest to a Queer Experience 

(source)

[fromthemouthofkings]

Jeeves and the Thorny Hedge

Summary: While Bertie is well used to fielding the odd scandal and disappointing his aunts (including in the matrimonial department), Jeeves has always kept his unfailingly upright professional life and his queerer personal life strictly separated. When Bertie’s old flame comes to stay in the Metrop. at the same time that Aunt Agatha has decided that Bertie will help her host a seance, two separate worlds stand ready to collide.

Chapter 1

When the post came, my heart sank. It is often said by those most worn-down, jaded, and humorless, who are additionally a good deal older and brainier than your own B. W., that it is difficult to move through this world without making the occasional enemy. I have often found it difficulter to move through this world without making the occasional friend. But even for one so amicable as I fancy myself, there are bally times when, despite one’s best efforts, one cannot help but let someone’s feelings get hurt. I was presently facing just this kind of tangle. “Oh, Jeeves?” I called, for my man is the absolute top notch when it comes to plucking me out of the broth. Like an experienced angler, he has that talent for smoothly walking in and assessing any situation, and then casting his hook in right where the fish are about to bite. Why, he has so many brains, I think that the Lord has probably had to let some poor other chappies go without, so as not to go too far into the red on the old Earthly Brains Budgeting Sheet. “Yes, sir?” said the man in question, materialized out of his den. He had evidently been hard at work, as his shirtsleeves were rolled up to the elbow, showing off quite a lot of shapely forearm. He had his apron tied on over his broad and catlike body, which he employed with a dancer’s grace in gliding over to stand by my side. There was a little lingering pinkness to his deft fingers. Perhaps I had interrupted him doing the washing up. “I have a bit of a pickle for you,” I said. “A teaser. A little exercise for the old gray stuff.” “Indeed, sir?” “It is a bit of a delicate matter, though.” I worried at the paper in my hand. He raised his right eyebrow a fraction of an inch. “A thorny hedge of brambles. It wants a valiant knight to come in with sword swinging and give the waiting dragon a bit of the what-for.”

Read more on AO3

[eggcompany]

So Smart, Those Boys Part 1

Sherlock Holmes. Weirdo of the college. Thin, pale, and queerer than hell. He wears skirts, is addicted to crime TV, and is the smartest person anyone knows. Only eighteen years old and in his third year of college classes. Everyday he bounces around school in his beat to hell converse and button downs and flies through classes. He reads textbooks for fun and he’s rude. Sherlock Holmes does not have friends, he’s said so himself. He’s turned down every party offer and confessions of crushes he’s ever gotten. Sherlock Holmes is a fucking weirdo who doesn’t even fuck. A loser. A rich brilliant pompous loser. Then there’s John. John Watson. Med student, Vice President of pep club, and the only person who’s ever caught Sherlock’s eye. From the first day, Sherlock made it a mission to plant himself nicely on whatever is in John Watson's trousers.

Sherlock Holmes. Weirdo of the college. Thin, pale, and queerer than hell. He wears skirts, is addicted to crime TV, and is the smartest person anyone knows. Only eighteen years old and in his third year of college classes. 

Everyday he bounces around school in his beat to hell converse and button downs and flies through classes. He reads textbooks for fun and he’s rude. Sherlock Holmes does not have friends, he’s said so himself. He’s turned down every party offer and confessions of crushes he’s ever gotten. Sherlock Holmes is a fucking weirdo who doesn’t even fuck. A loser. A rich brilliant pompous loser. 

Then there’s John. John Watson. Med student, Vice President of pep club, and the only person who’s ever caught Sherlock’s eye. The short light haired man was in one of Sherlock’s anatomy classes. It’s actually the only class he’s attended for a full year, both semesters. 

Sherlock had come in to get his final exam on the second week and he had spotted him. Strong build, cute face, but what really caught Sherlock was his hands. They were by no means big but they looked so... strong. Sherlock had told the professor to ‘ never mind ’ and made his way to the other boy. 

John was in the middle of talking to some girl. Molly might have been her name. Sherlock had tried to swing his hips a bit and bounce a little bit more in his mid length skirt. He had picked out his plain black skirt and a purple tight button up. 

John had looked at him and stopped talking. 

This... person. This person looked amazing. Amazing in a model kind of way. A natural kind of sculpture way.  Tall, slim, high cheekbones, trim waist, curly short hair, and breathtaking eyes. Blue and crystal like diamonds or rain droplets. His eyes caught on the way the bottom of the skirt bounced up slightly with each step they took, revealing just a sliver of porcelain skin above the high tops and plain grey crew socks. 

Molly also looked but then sighed. She rolled her eyes and made a fake smile. 

“Hi Sherlock. What are you doing here? Taking your final?” Molly asked and John looked confused for a moment. Sherlock gave Molly a face. A Shut the fuck up you stupid fucking bitch kind of stink face. Molly Hooper. He had rejected her multiple times before she finally got the hint. Now she isn’t his biggest fan. 

“No Molly, I'm here to take the class actually.” Sherlock said and then stepped up to John. Sherlock smiled and looked down at him. He tried to make his heart stop thumping against his chest but that attempt was failing. 

John was even better to see up close. A good specimen of a human male. Clean hair, washed face, focused eyes, clean ears, close shaven and smooth skin. The few flaws he saw made him even more attracted. Razor burn under his jaw, slight bags under his eyes, not so neat hair, chapped lips. Sherlock had to force himself not to sigh at the sight. 

“Hi.” Sherlock said in an almost strained voice.

John blushed and bit and then smiled and tried his best to keep his eyes on the other person’s but... wow nice body. Lanky and thin yet so… something. Something John couldn’t put his finger on. 

“Hello! It’s nice to meet you. I’m John Watson.” John said and stuck out his hand, shaking himself out of his study of the other. Sherlock smiled and bit his bottom lip looking down at the extended hand. He gently shook it, he didn’t shake many people’s hands. He didn’t touch many people. 

When his hand met John’s he made three observations. One being that John had very warm hands. Warm and calluses and not sweaty but so lovely warm. The second being that John Watson must type very fast and must do many things with his hands because they’re quite muscular. Almost oddly muscular for hands. Thick and strong and warm hands that Sherlock hands to touch more. He made one more observation as he pulled his hand away. John Watson either hates him, wants to have sex with him, or is scared of him. His heartbeat quickened a noticeable amount in the short few seconds their hands were together. 

“It’s really nice to meet you John. Where’re you going to sit? Maybe we can sit together? I’m Sherlock by the way...” Sherlock said and looked around. He couldn’t deny that his heartbeat was also elevated. John Watson was… attractive. Sure Sherlock knew John was good looking by society’s standards but he’d never thought he’d be truly attracted to someone’s looks. And He was very attracted to John’s good looks and strong stature. 

 Molly was kind of glaring at him but she turned and walked off. Wonderful. Alone time with John. Well… alone kind of. 

John nodded and looked over at where he was going to sit with a few other pep club members but he decided against it. 

“Um, over there. I… just haven’t put my stuff down yet.” He said as he confidently walked over to a seat in the back  corner at one of the many blue two person tables. Sherlock happily followed him, smile wide on his face. 

“I love sitting in the back, it makes me more comfortable in the summer.” Sherlock said and slid in the seat next to John, who looked at him curiously. 

Sherlock put his elbows on the table and rested his chin on his upturned palms. He let his eyes settle on a straying blonde hair that was sticking to the other’s forehead. He likes looking at John. Easy on the eyes most people would say. Sherlock rather thought that John was perfectly asymmetrical. He’d like to see his body without his sweater. Or shirt. Or pant- I need to see him without his pants. Sherlock thought and felt his face heat up. 

“Why? Are the fans back here?” John said and looked up at the ceiling confused about his comment. Sherlock giggled a bit and smiled. It shook him from his… not so modest thoughts. But not too shaken. No… not shaken enough. 

“No~ I always feel like the professors are looking up my skirts. And ya know getting stared at when people give presentations. I’d much rather sit back here and be able to sit comfortably.” Sherlock explained and spread his legs out so his knee was touching John’s. He was smiling softly. He could feel the heat radiating from John’s leg even through the thick fabric of his skirt and the denim of John’s jeans.  John blushed and looked to the side, his mind was whirling around a bit. 

“Oh... well I suppose that does help. Uh do you mind me asking um well ya know um...” John struggled; he wanted to ask what Sherlock identified as but he didn’t want to say it wrong. John was already caught in his grasp but he didn’t want to offend him. Honestly John was just hoping Sherlock wasn’t just teasing. Sure John had had quite a few girlfriends while he was attending uni but… Sherlock had an air about them something… weirdly compelling. Oddly attractive. Magnetic and almost addictive. Weird and John loves it. 

Sherlock smiled and let out a small breath of air from his nose before answering. 

“Oh John, you’re so cute. I’m a man, I just like to be comfortable. Honestly if I hated myself anymore I believe I would simply melt. Dressing... a certain way makes me happy. But if you were wondering, I am a cis man.” Sherlock said and watched John nod. John wasn’t gay. Not completely. He just wasn’t straight. Not gay. Not straight. 

John tried to look Sherlock up and down in a bit of a not obvious way but failed. He couldn’t help but look from his knobby ankles to where his skirt hugged his waist to where the buttons on his shirt pulled tight over his thin chest to his eyes. God those eyes. Piercing and knowing. Like Sherlock knew exactly what he was thinking. 

Sherlock smirked and reached out with one hand to trace down John’s bicep with one finger. Causing John’s eyes to go big and surprise. He held still though, keeping still and staring at the other pers-man. The other man. 

“You know John, you’re quite handsome. Oh~ strong too.” Sherlock said and used his fingers to press into the thick muscle that was hidden beneath the other boy’s cream colored sweater. He just wanted to get a sense of what was hiding under the winter clothes. It only made his heart beat pick up even more and make him more intrigued. He just needed to know what John looked like under all his clothes, what he looked like in just his skin. 

 John blushed and coughed into his hand. Finally pulling away from the gentle examination. 

“Thank uh Thank you.” John said and looked awkwardly away from Sherlock. 

‘ Does he not like me? Maybe he’s just straight. Ugh I thought he was bi. I mean he cuffs his jeans... that could be because he’s so short. Is that a stereotype? I’m a stereotype. I shouldn’t judge him on what he wears. Maybe I’m just not his type. ‘M never anyone I like’s type.. .’ went through Sherlock’s mind. He’s not really ever liked that many people but even the few he has they never liked him back. They’ve just called him a freak or a weirdo and passed him on. Sherlock’s smile dropped and he pulled his backpack around to sit on the table. He pulled out his notebook and his pen. John just dropped his bag onto the floor and fished out his own note taking supplies. 

Sherlock couldn’t help but notice that he had a green pencil with sparkles on it. Cute. He thought and looked back at his own paper. 

Once the lecture started Sherlock didn’t pay much attention to the old man speaking. No, he paid attention to the way John held his pencil and wrote in a sloppy way. He wrote like someone who’s used to typing. Sloppy but clear enough to know what the words were. Another characteristic Sherlock found endearing. John will have such a bad doctor’s script he thought and then blushed and looked back down at his paper. Sherlock doodled and scratched around until the lecture was over. 

“You didn’t take any notes. Do you want to borrow mine.” John said as he looked over at the curly haired boy’s notebook. Sherlock closed his notebook and packed it away in his bag, shaking his head. The last few minutes he’d been so distracted watching the muscles in the back of John’s hand flex and move he’d become… hot under the collar a bit. 

“Don’t need them. I’ll remember it.” Sherlock said and smiled at John and then hurried out to his next class, backpack slung around his shoulders. He was glad the fabric of his skirt was thick enough to hide the small bulge that was definitely pushing the front of his boxer briefs forward. 

John was so confused. Why was Sherlock acting like this now? Was John reading into this too far by thinking Sherlock wanted to be friends? More than friends? John left it. Might be a fluke. Fuckin’ suck if it’s a fluke. He’s hot. 

Sherlock went about his day as always and so did John. It was easy to go about your day and pretend nothing happened. No sparks were flying. Nope. There was no mutual attraction. No way. 

[specialagentartemis]

you bring up women and female too much... feeling pretty terfy tbh

This is so fucking funny. As bait it’s like you’re not even Trying

(for context: transphobes just found my post about why it’s important to not spread historical misinformation and they are mad about it. This is from a transphobic radfem angry that I said trans people exist and existed in the past too.)

Shockingly I bring up women and being female because I am a woman and I care about feminism and women’s rights. I firmly believe most people should! Being a woman kind of makes it pressing in a certain way though.

I went through the whole gender questioning and gender exploration thing, thinking about gender and womanhood and femaleness and what they mean and how I relate to it and don’t. I was a tomboyish girl who liked to read and climb trees and hated shaving my legs and participating in gym class and was resentful and resistant to Rules but also enthralled by history and particularly suffragists and women who Did Things. But also, for a while, as I started to increasingly reaize I was queerer than I supposed and felt alienated from other girls my age, I felt pretty disconnected from womanhood; I didn’t know what it meant to me. I’m aromantic asexual, and that self-knowledge was hard-won and required a lot of soul searching and fear for the future and trying really hard to be allo and crying alone at the dining hall. And the question of “what is my gender for, anyway?” felt pertinent in that regard. If it’s not there to structure romantic/sexual attraction and relationships, what is it there for? What does it do for me?

Reading feminist texts by cis feminists was important for thinking about political organizing and political necessities of combating sexism and misogyny in its many pervasive and awful forms, but it didn’t really make me feel any more of a personal sense of womanhood. Political coalition building is not necessarily the same as personal sense of self, nor should it be.

You know what made me feel more secure in my gender? In feeling like A Woman?

Reading the work of trans lesbians.

I mean it. Reading trans women lesbians writing sci-fi stories about apocalypses and AIs and identity, and realistic stories about longing and coercion and freedom and joy and fear and just being, is what made me go, oh, this is it. This is what it’s all about, this is what it means to be a woman. You get it. And you make me feel it in a way I haven’t in a long time.

(I’m also an anthropologist. Thinking about human societies and social constructs and performances of identity is my job.)

But if you want to read the work of the trans woman who really made me feel comfortable and seen and resonant in my womanhood for the first time in a long time, I highly HIGHLY recommend Jamie Berrout and particularly her Portland Diary: Short Stories 2016/2017. They have a spark of brilliance. This Pride month treat yourself to these stories. (This is a direct download because unfortunately Berrout scrubbed her entire internet presence, including any place to legitimately buy her work, but I paid a fair price for these before she did, and I think they deserve to be read.)

(I won’t currently link the other trans woman writer who helped my through my Gender Epiphany, because unlike Berrout who has gone off the grid, she has an internet presence and I don’t want her to get targeted by any transphobes camping my page waiting for my response to their brilliantly crafted bait.)

TERFs, and some overzealous tumblr/twitter users, want so badly to believe that feminism and trans rights are at odds, that if you believe in one you can’t believe in the other. That’s bullshit, of course. My feminism is fully bound up in trans rights; non-discrimination by sex and gender means non-discrimination by sex and gender. Bodily autonomy and authority on one’s identity are the rights of everyone. We need to end sexism and part of ending sexism is ending the belief in gender essentialism; we need to end transphobia and part of ending transphobia means ending the idea that women can only be One Thing and men can only be One Thing and there are unbreachable distances between them. I believe in gender equality and that means the equality of all genders. And from personal experience, I believe that trans women have a lot to say about feminism and what it feels like to be a woman.

Also I have a lot of trans and non-binary friends and I like them much better and trust them much more than I like or trust transphobes. So.

Women’s rights are human rights. Trans rights are human rights. Trans rights are women’s rights. All of these things are true, and inextricable.

[belovedstill]

emoji writing prompts

(inspired by this post)

96 prompts up to your interpretation. take literally, reverse, mix and match! (works well with taking ask suggestions, using random number generators, or rolling dice)

1-6 genre or tone:

🥰 fluff

💔 angst | sad ending | angst with a happy ending

🔞 smut | explicit | suggestive

🔍 mystery

🎃 spooky | horror

😎 crack | humor | meme inspired

+ 1-90 prompts:

🌸 hanahaki | pining | mutual pining

⌛ time travel | reincarnation | time loop | time is running out | immortality | time hijinks | this time they will do it right (do they?)

✉ epistolary | chat fic | letters | postservice au

🧙‍♂️ magic | urban magic | fantasy | be careful what you wish for

☕ coffee shop | restaurant | food industry

🩹 hurt/comfort | fix-it fic

💭 mind-melt | mind-reading | telepathy

🏳‍🌈 queer | queerer | unique queer experience relevant to exactly one person

🌊 merfolk au | stranded on an abandoned island | pirates

🍀 everything goes right | luck doesn't exist but somebody really does make it seem like it does

🥀 unrequited love | dealing with loss | grief

📆 slice of life

📦 delivery | package sent to the wrong address | swapped luggage/suitcase | there's some kind of mix-up happening | move in

🎬 celebrity | actor | PR hell | youtuber | streamer au

💻 internet | social media | bloggers | fandom au | two customers with radically different reviews on a product and they take it personally

🔪 revenge | murder | assassin

📞 wrong number | wrong address | wrong person | customer service | tech support | long distance

🩺 doctor | sick fic

⚽ sports | team | competition | challenge | dare

💍 engagement | marriage | arranged marriage | marriage of convenience | accidentally married | poorly-timed proposal

💋 first kiss | first relationship | first romantic experience | teaching one another how to Romance

👑 royalty | nobility | servant | butler | unequal power dynamic | undying loyalty

🎨 any artist au

🎁 gifts | surprise | keepsake | christmas | holiday | birthday

🤰 pregnancy | mpreg | alternative offspring acquisition options

👶 baby | kidfic | de-aged | age regression | accidental kid acquisition | single parent(s)

👥 resurrection | came back wrong | dark alternate character | came back right but everything else is changed

🦋 butterfly effect - change a seemingly insignificant detail in source material and write how it affects the story

🐾 pet au | animal transformation | pet acquisition | animal-to-human transformation | object-to-human transformation | object-to-animal transformation (you get the drift)

👻 ghost | afterlife | paranormal | supernatural | modern supernatural | mixed supernatural genes

😈 demon | a different kind of hell | pact | soul as acceptable transaction payment | the villain's in charge now

🤡 idiots in love | platonic buffoons | only one brain cell among them | they're so stupid

🏳️ surrender | hope | bargaining

❔ oblivious | didn't know they were dating | mistaken identity | amnesia | nobody remembers them

🛡️ protect | guardian | bodyguard | rescue

💼 office | workplace

✂️ separation, chosen or forced | abandoned | cutting ties

🎓 school | university | academic professions | mentor

🏠 domestic | roommates | neighbours

🧩 soulmates (ideas) | platonic soulmates | destined to be enemies | 3+ soulmates

🏖️ beach episode | change of scenery | more than 'a lot' self-indulgent

🏩 pwp | escort | sex worker | stripper | sugar relationship

🤝 found family | putting differences aside to work together

🧬 appearance/body/behaviour modification | shrunk down | made bigger

💾 found a lost disc/usb drive/notebook/diary | lost phone | decades-old journal/letters found among the belongings of a person who's no longer there

⚖️ getting justice, one way or another | rebellion | protest | doing the dirty work so others can thrive | balance | lawyers au

⚙️ android | futuristic | science fiction | physical workers | making it work

👁 obsession | abduction | kept captive | hostage | stalker | drugged | private detective au

⚠️ make it as messed up as you want | forbidden | taboo

🕳️ something is missing | unsettling | out of the corner of the eye | nearly, almost, not quite | not enough

🤞 must pretend | spy | secret identity | identity reveal | undercover | fake dating | secret relationship | fake-married | fake [insert role] | essentially, they must pretend to be somebody they're not/to be in a dynamic they're not

✨ under a spell | truth compulsion | forced to say the opposite of what they mean | a curse made them do x

🐌 slowburn | sped-up slow burn | over the years

🧸 childhood friends (to a dynamic of choice) | separated in childhood, reunited in adulthood

⚔ enemies (to a dynamic of choice) | meddling enemies | rivals (to a dynamic of choice)

🔁 transmigration | isekai | swapped places | role reversal | body swap

🔀 crossover | fusion | characters from X piece of media put in the world of the last piece of media you've enjoyed | make it your favourite piece of media from your childhood

⁉ miscommunication | misunderstanding | wrong place, wrong time

🔆 harem | reverse harem | poly relationship

🛏 bedsharing | accidentally falling asleep on one another | passing out | dream-sharing | invite to stay over

🔮 fairytale | mythology | folklore | legend | prophecy

😶 love triangle | two-person relationship/love triangle (they know each other as two people) | one-night stand turns out to be the new boss/professor/awkward dynamic

🔒 forced proximity | locked in a room | trapped together | handcuffed together | snowed in

🤲 huddling for warmth | sharing body heat | touch starved

💬 rumours | lies | misconceptions and dealing with them

💥 set off the (conflict) bomb | right before the blow-up | argument | fight | pranks

✊ superheroes and supervillains | superpowers | the chosen one(s) | deemed to be the cursed/unlucky one

🔥 rebirth | sacrifice | sacrifice of something other than their life | destruction | letting go | ritual | change

💁‍♀️ spite fic (write literally anything you like that fandom/somebody else complained about that you disagree with) aka "they're wrong and i'm going to keep having fun"

#️⃣ love at second/third/nth sight | meet ugly | annoyed at first sight | reluctant

🖤 blind date goes right | blind date goes wrong | stood up | matchmaker

🚗 travelling together | commute | road trip | hitchiking

❕ confession | interrupted confession | confessing when it doesn't matter anymore

🚫 getting what they want but not in the way they want it | not like this

🖊 doomed from the start | it was always going to end like this | it didn't have to end this way

🐱‍👤 did a crime on accident | did a crime very much not on accident

👭 doppelgangers, lookalikes | twins | they meet their alternate self from an alternate word/different time

👂 as they go through their day, they hear a voice and it's strangely familiar (oh no) | the voice in their head actually has their best interest in mind | two souls trapped in one body fighting for control

❌ the plot is trying to incite an event for them but they refuse to have any part in it and they will outrun it

🍸 alcohol/substance use | in vino veritas | choices were made and all that's left is regrets | choices were made and there are some gains actually | remembers nothing of what they did while drunk (others may be kind enough to spare no detail)

👍 support group | dealing with issues | compromise

82. 👪 meet the family | meet the friends 83. 💰 CEO | rich x ordinary | two different worlds collide 84. 🌠 rarepair! | rarer! | unlikely friends 85. ⚡ The Realisation | oh moment | oh no moment | learning something crucial yet horrifying they wish they could forget | the antagonist was right after all 86. 0️⃣ last day alive | apocalypse | they truly only have each other left 87. ✔ it was somebody's plan all along | they sure were aware the whole time it was somebody's plan all along | scheme | trap | gotcha | test 88. 🎲 choose an action for character to take and roll d20 - that's how well it goes, write it 89. ➕ anything at all inspired by an emoji not from this list sent in an ask or randomly generated 90. ® get a string of 3+ random emojis from an emoji generator (e.g. this one or this one or any other) and write a story based on them

if you're disappointed that a prompt you wanted to find isn't on the list, take it as a sign to write it 👀

and if none of these spark creativity, check out Hatch's Plot Bank with 2300+ plot ideas

screenshots of the emojis under the cut

[variousqueerthings]

Hiii! This question is kinda apropos of nothing but I’m curious: who is the person in your profile pic? Every time I scroll past it a little too fast I think it’s Alan Alda/Hawkeye haha

no worries (i think alan alda would be honoured, if i remember correctly, he mentioned meeting him once as a kid in his memoir). it's this fellow:

his name was conrad veidt, a famous german actor of the weimar republic, later escaped to britain and then the us to get away from the nazis with his jewish wife, Ilona Prager. he also starred in two pro-jewish films shortly after the nazis came to power in 1933 (the wandering jew, and jew süss, but i confess i haven't watched these yet, so i cannot say how well they aged) -- generally did a few films that were about Social Issues that came down on the side of the oppressed, including the woman's crusade, and the merry-go-round, as well as... (see below)

famous for some very important movies: 1. played the lead in the first movie to openly portray gay men (anders als die andern), which was produced by magnus hirschfeld and the institute of sexology in a bid to get support for legalising homosexuality -- it's free on youtube! also 105 years old, can you believe... 2. played the somnambulist in the cabinet of dr caligari, and generally was every vamp-girls/boys dream back in the day, playing in a lot of the german expressionist films and proto-horror films, and generally not afraid to play offbeat, uncomfortable roles that weren't about being an attractive leading man (eerie tales, the hands of orlac, waxworks, the man who laughs) 3. after he moved to the us, he was very happy to portray nazis to give them realism, and he plays major heinrich strasser in casablanca in 1942 (his second-last film)

i believe he was in a total of 115 films, but quite a few of them between when he started in 1917 and 1930 are lost (der januskopf, i think of you often....murnau, bela lugosi, and conrad veidt, in an adaptation of jekyll and hyde??? arghhh)

other fun facts, did occasionally crossdress and in fact this may have contributed a little to his first divorce, as his wife found him and a bunch of his friends wearing dresses one night after she came back from work -- notably conrad was in her new dress. she told a friend that this was the breaking point, but it may have partially been a joke. they did divorce though

was also at one point called the prettiest girl in berlin in print, good for him

was probably bisexual, although having said that i've actually never read why people think this -- so for now, he was a mensch and a great ally to a lot of people, a little on the queerer side in all things

i do follow a fair few conrad veidt blogs on here, but i don't talk about him often, it's one of those "am a fan, but keeping it mostly to the chest" kind of things with him -- however, as you can tell, very happy to give the Info when asked!

that's the man, the girl, the pretty boy: mr conrad veidt!

[z0mbie-bab3zzz]

Headcannon jamming dont mind me.

TW bcoz I use words like freak and the f slur in ref to my fav q slurs ok

I don't think Pickles would have any qualms or conflicts over his sexuality in his dethklok era except the whole crush on my best friend thing, but it gets resolved somewhere along the way and now they fuck nasty peace on da earth. When he struggled with the bisexual thing it was probably before or during snakes n barrels as he was getting famous and getting more action. And at that point he'd already done a whole gender transition so u kno it was no huge thang. He'd been with dudes before all that bcoz younger him had some comphet, as we all do at some point in younger years b4 we know what's what. Bcoz society. So when he transitioned it was like 'does that make me gay?? Idk I'm super into chick's tho so I guess nawt' then snakes n barrels, drugs and alcohol, and complicated relationships between sparkly underdressed men. U knowww. (Not that drugs makes u gay but it def makes it easier to realize when u don't caare ur just high and horny and gawd ur bandmates r hawt. Have a gay crisis when u sober up) maybe he reads a book or talks to some older queers then he feels better and knows what's up. In my experience you get chiller and queerer as you get older. I hc he's like 40-45 in the show

I feel like he could play free n loose with gender a little more than we see in the show just bcoz im genderfluid/bigender and love making my blorbos do that. But also bcoz he's so mamma which IS cannon so he rlly does have a fun gender. Being the okayest mom he never had. More on that l8ter

Funny to me if the only person who questions the fun gender is murderface and when everyone else is like none of ur business he's honestly just mad that they know smthn he doesn't, he feels excluded. Then he finally just asks pickles and he's just like 'oh yea I'm transexual lol' and murderface is like 'huh okay freak whats that all about' they have a short not the most politically correct or gentle conversation bcoz they're dudes in like 2006 but there's clarity and they're friends and murderface is like 'ok well that's cool ig' and Pickles is like 'ikr' Learn new things every day from ur faggot family/coworkers 🫶🫶

I should just write a fic at this point I love these dudess

[mariana-oconnor]

The Dancing Men pt 1

His head was sunk upon his breast, and he looked from my point of view like a strange, lank bird, with dull grey plumage and a black top-knot.

This is probably not the image ACD (nor Watson) intended to conjure up, but this was what I immediately thought of.

Ooh, we're starting with a Holmes deducing Watson section again. That hasn't happened for a while. I thought Watson had got over his amazement at having it turned on him. Apparently not.

I looked with amazement at the absurd hieroglyphics upon the paper. “Why, Holmes, it is a child's drawing,” I cried.

Watson knows some very intelligent egyptologist children.

“Well, Mr. Holmes, what do you make of these?” he cried. “They told me that you were fond of queer mysteries, and I don't think you can find a queerer one than that."

Yes, but aside from Holmes' taste in literature, what about the paper?

OH, I have read this one before. I didn't remember the title, but I do remember the little stick figures. Not that that reminds me of anything else.

"You'll think it very mad, Mr. Holmes, that a man of a good old family should marry a wife in this fashion, knowing nothing of her past or of her people; but if you saw her and knew her it would help you to understand."

Oh no, Mr Cubitt, have you been honey trapped?

"If you take me, Hilton, you will take a woman who has nothing that she need be personally ashamed of; but you will have to be content with my word for it, and to allow me to be silent as to all that passed up to the time when I became yours."

Oh dear... this is not a good sign. If you're not willing to share your past with the guy, you really shouldn't share your future with him. Where's the trust? Where's the communication? You don't have to explain everything in detail, but he should have at least a little idea of what it's about.

Red flags once again.

"It was only the day before our wedding that she said those very words to me."

She might be a perfectly nice person, but she doesn't trust you

"None did come for a week, and then yesterday morning I found this paper lying on the sun-dial in the garden."

I might be remembering wrong, but last time a mysterious coded message was left on a sundial in these stories, three people were murdered by the KKK.

That story also started with a person being deiberately secretive with information that could have savde people's lives.

“Don't you think, Mr. Cubitt,” said he, at last, “that your best plan would be to make a direct appeal to your wife, and to ask her to share her secret with you?” Hilton Cubitt shook his massive head. “A promise is a promise, Mr. Holmes. If Elsie wished to tell me she would. If not, it is not for me to force her confidence. But I am justified in taking my own line—and I will.”

Because hiring a detective to snoop into your wife's secret past is so much better than asking her directly. I get that you made a promise, my man, but while this may be sticking to the letter of that promise, it absolutely isn't sticking to the spirit. Asking your wife is definitely the lesser of two evils here.

"After that I determined to lie in wait; so I got out my revolver and I sat up in my study, which overlooks the lawn and garden."

Given that this is Sherlock Holmes story, the person leaving these notes probably is very dastardly and liable to murder, but I'm not sure leaving weird encoded messages really calls for guns.

“‘What, be driven out of our own house by a practical joker?’ said I. ‘Why, we should have the whole county laughing at us.’"

"Seizing my pistol I was rushing out, when my wife threw her arms round me and held me with convulsive strength."

Was it a pistol or a revolver? Because earlier you said you got your revolver, and now you're saying pistol...

The dancing stickmen are very cute. I like the upside-down ones the best.

So, is this going to be one of the ones where someone dies before Holmes gets there? It feels like it might be. But ACD does prefer happier endings for his couples when neither of them is the bad guy. Guess I'll have to wait and see.

[scarlettohairdye]

Less an ask than a compliment, but how did you write a draft of His Secret Illuminations in less than a year?! There's so much, and every bit is SO DAMN GOOD!

I just finished it, and will be reading His Sacred Incantations ASAP, but I just have to say thank you for creating this story and these characters. I started the book with my partner reading it to me years ago, and it was a huge door opener for my personal gender journey, as well as understanding a lot about my sexual identity.

Thank you for giving the world such a wonderful story full of so many strong queer women, a well-represented nonbinary character who openly uses they pronouns (my people), and having them all take care of the best and kindest subby boy with an unbridled strength and praise kink. This story is everything! 💜

If you know where to find more like it, whether crafted by you or others, please share.

I was possessed by the ghost of the story and frankly it would have been harder NOT to write it! There were days where I got to scenes I'd been extensively workshopping in my head and I would pour 10k+ words onto the page in a fugue state of furious typing. It was genuinely a force of nature, and almost impossible for me to re-create now, alas. (I'm still writing and a pretty fast writer, but I don't have that 10k a day energy driving me anymore.)

I'm so glad that my book could help you at a time you needed it, and boy howdy do I have good news about what you'll find in the second book: Even more of the first, but kinkier and queerer.

I made a post with a few recommendations over here!

[daisychainsandbowties]

your nonbinary beatrice post, i’m mentally jumping up and down on a bed ala s1 ava

nonbinary avatrice is so damn underrated imo, especially since they both read very trans and/or nd, (beatrice especially ((unrelated but lilith also has autistic vibes for similar reasons to beatrice)

ava is a bit complicated because on one hand it’s very likely she doesn’t care much or at all, and you have that whole queer af conversation between her and chanel about not knowing who you are because you never got a chance to explore or something that’s even queerer knowing that chanel’s actor is trans, and how often being queer and disabled goes hand in hand because of how man & woman is usually defined so much as a cishet white, thin, well off, pro status quo abled man/woman, but also on the other hand, that could also be the very same reason why a disabled person might firmly id as cis and/or with their agab, because of how they’re systematically denied manhood/womanhood because of their disability

and then with beatrice, like aside from the way she dresses, and i refuse to believe the combat habits didn’t make a few nuns realize that they aren’t so cis after all, you have the “people have tried to make me something i’m not. to make me normal. or at least, acceptable*.” and many people will “accept” gay people but only as long as they’re don’t display any gender queerness/gncness and/or transness

(*and obv that line is very easily also or as well interpretable as autistic beatrice, esp w how she displays a few behaviors that could be read as her being autistic, but that’s off topic)

<- first of all i am just yes yes yes about the intersectionality of disability/queerness & how it adds huge good layers to any conversation about nb avatrice. i rlly like the idea of Ava claiming her gender, b/c so often the systems and the institutions and ablism try to infantilise disabled ppl, & that extends to participating in gender, linking right to dehumanising tactics.

& i fucking LOVE Ava really doing gender and doing it her own way and grabbing it and running with it. Ava coming from a place where the ppl who 'cared' for her didn't give a damn about her girlhood. she's been confronted with her girlhood only in terms of pejoratives - 'you're a very x girl'

i am Thinking about the s1 line where we see sister fuck looming over Ava after she gets her period & saying to her 'you're a woman now' & how that is framed for us. just specifically what the entire event of menstruation feels when you are not cis.

ppl telling you that you're a woman (now, suddenly. like, fuck, when did i agree to this. who asked my permission?) and how you can feel your body being reframed and relegated in a certain way by the world and the anguish of that, often the blunt and speechless agony of it because the language that could latch onto what is wrong about the way that woman sits on your skin is unavailable to you

nonbinary avatrice is very mood to me because i think they in general have an extremely gnc thing going on. look no further than the outfits in s2. it is BOTH of them, also. Ava reads very boyish to me (hilariously in a very 'that kid with the band-aid on his nose & the blue shorts from pokemon who runs around on the beach going '!!! my footsteps keep disappearing'. ava silva-core).

there really is something in Ava that resists conventional femininity & i think it is very AVA the way she does it. she's giving the middle finger to it, she's shrugging at it. she's kissing gender on the mouth & girlbossing & also just being a little guy with her baseball cap turned around like ash ketchum. Ava silva 'gotta catch em' all' Silva but with the genders.

& yeah the fact that when beatrice is not in her habit she is wearing very masc clothing, putting her hands deep in her pockets, shirt collar sticking up out of her sweater. the outfit she wears to kick crimson in the face. the outfit from guttural scream fight night. her armour with its bandoleer of knives & her cute little throwing stars you use to hit soft tissues with pinpoint accuracy. the softness and the violence of her.

& you are so right. 'ppl tried to make me something i'm not' - you can imagine beatrice in the catholic school uniform with the pleated skirts and the soft v-neck jumper & the blazer & every teacher saying 'now girls' and 'please, girls' all the damn time. how electric it must feel to her to hear the word boy on her skin.

(& yeah. my first fic which is s1 beatrice POV i literally have a tag that's like beatrice is autistic & that's how i write her in everything. ligaments, star wars au bea they r all autistic. a part of it is... i am autistic so it ends up maybe being a situation where especially in second person it's hard not to write autistically but shrug emoji, i also just think bea reads very autistic to me. i have a whole bunch of my own feelings & opinions on what autism looks like w/ beatrice specifically but that's not for this post)

tldr: yes you are very smart and very right