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lefemmerougewriter · 2 years

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Revenge of a Reagan: Carmen, I.M.P., and the Glowing Hands Girl

This is the second part of my series, The Cognito Files. While the first part was a crossover between Helluva Boss and Inside Job, this fic adds characters from Carmen Sandiego and Kim Possible. This mature fic as graphic dipictions of violence, just be aware. This is set right after the battle with VILE in the final season of Carmen Sandiego. For this story, let's just say that Carmen Sandiego takes place in the same world as Helluva Boss, Inside Job, and Kim Possible. In a future part of the series, I believe I can fit in Stolas. I am going to continue this series, although I can’t say when Part 3 will be out. Hopefully, sometime in the next two months.

Friendships: Reagan Ridley & Brett Hand, Reagan Ridley & Rand Ridley, Blitzo & Moxxie, Magic Myc & Reagan Ridley, Reagan Ridley & Gigi Thompson, Reagan Ridley & Shego, Reagan Ridley & Carmen Sandiego, Glenn Dolphman & Reagan Ridley, Dr. Andre & Reagan Ridley

Romantic pairings: Moxxie/Millie

Words: 7.0k

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/38195077

Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/1254729126-the-cognito-files-revenge-of-a-reagan-carmen-i-m-p

Characters: Reagan Ridley, Rand Ridley, Brett Hand, Gigi Thompson, Glenn Dolphman, Dr. Andre, Magic Myc, Grassy Noel Atkinson, President Domp, Vice President Melosi, Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie, Loona, Stolas Goetia, Carmen Sandiego, Zack, Ivy, Shego, Zabith Infierno, Aril Lllitar

Summary: Carmen thought the defeat of VILE was the end and she could relax. Little did she know, but she would be pulled into a conspiracy bigger than a group of villains and learn of a shadowy government organization which manufactures conspiracies. In the process, she, her friends Zack and Ivy, and her hacker friend, would cross paths with one woman who wanted to get back at her former employer for firing her, and a woman with glowing green hands, while a group of demons from the depths of Hell tries to kill them all!

Police swarmed the headquarters of the Villains International League of Evil, commonly called “VILE.” The evildoers had finally been defeated. She could take it easy for once. She had spent her entire life as an international thief. And with ACME, the Agency to Classify and Monitor Evildoers, now on her side, what could go wrong?

“Red, we have a problem,” she heard in her earpiece. She groused. They had ended the reign of pernicious villains. What could be the issue? What could interrupt this great victory? “Player, what is it?” she asked, clearly annoyed that he was bothering her.

He grumbled. He would have liked to enjoy their victory. As he was surfing the web, a story caught his eye. “Reagan Ridley takes helm of Cognito, Inc” the title of the Underground Conspiracy Times ran. He shared it with Carmen on her phone. “Red, here’s what I’m worried about…this Reagan Ridley fellow.” She shrugged. Why would this be a problem? What did it matter? Who was Reagan Ridley anyway?

“I don’t know much about 'Reagan Ridley,' but I do know about Cognito…it’s a shadowy government organization which supports VILE.” Carmen’s ears perked up. An organization…which backs VILE? Why hadn’t he mentioned this before? Wouldn’t it have been better to go after them instead of spending all this time fighting VILE? “Let’s go after them!” she exclaimed. Player explained why this would be a challenge. He hoped she’d understand. “I agree, Red. We must be careful…they have eyes everywhere.” She snickered. What could Player be worried about? He was a skilled hacker. He could stop them in their tracks.

He scurried around his room, looking under anything, searching for anything that could be a camera. He didn’t want to be captured. From what he heard on the dark web, people who talked about Cognito were never seen again. He breathed deeply. Everything would be fine, he thought.

Seconds later, C armen stared at her screen in horror. She saw three men in suits burst into his room. She yelled. “Player, watch out!” He shrieked. They had trapped him between themselves and his computer. He hollered. “If you take one step closer, the computers will get it!” The men shrugged. They didn’t dare approach. A 30-something woman dressed in a lab coat, green paints, low-cut socks, and white sneakers appeared out of nowhere. She pulled out what looked like a lipstick tube. She snickered. “You aren’t going anywhere, buddy.” Touching a button, it released an electric shock. He slumped onto the ground.

Carmen saw this all unfold and was horrified. She shouted. “Let him go!” The same woman she saw before donned a ski mask and wore a hoodie, to disguise her identity. The woman chuckled. She addressed Carmen directly, looking into the camera. She declared, “if you want your friend back…you need to come to Cognito.” The woman then turned to the side, remarking, “I’ll be expecting you…Red lady.” She walked out of the room. Player was dragged out by three burly men. His mother would have objected, but she had been given a sedative.

Turning the video off, Carmen stuffed her cell phone in her pants pocket. She ran over to her friends, Zack and Ivy, who were celebrating the victory over VILE. “Uh, guys, Player was kidnapped,” she said matter-of-factly. They looked at her with shock. Was she pranking them? Ivy had to make sure. “Are you being real with us, Carm?” She nodded solemnly. Zack shuttered, as did Ivy. Who would do such a thing? Carmen wasn’t sure.

Trying to find him would be a challenge. She had technical skills and know-how. She depended on Player to commit her acts of international thievery. As she started to talk to her team about their next steps, her phone buzzed. Quickly pulling it out of her pocket, she nervously pressed the home button. The screen shimmered. “I have you now, Carmen Sandiego,” a voice off screen declared. She recognized the voice. It was the same one as the woman who had kidnapped her friend! She saw Player restrained and tied to a chair. “Don’t hurt him!” she pleaded. The woman laughed. Carmen was unaware of the power of Cognito. She said softly, “Gigi, activate the hypnosis setting.” Her phone began emitting a specific frequency which put her in a trance. Zack and Ivy tried to snap her out of it, but they were sucked in too.

“Come to Cognito, Inc. Your friend will be safe,” the message commanded. From there, they blindly followed its instructions and marched onto a black helicopter. Back at headquarters, Reagan sighed. Was it worth it to go to all this effort? She pressed a button and the restraints on Player were released and the ropes were sliced apart.

He was surprised. Did they want him to escape? As he started to leave, Reagan came close to him and shook her finger. She stood in his way. “You are one of the best hackers out there…and I brought you here for a reason…don’t you want to know why?” He shrugged. He wasn’t sure how to answer her question. Was he supposed to be curious? Should he fight or flee? He decided to entertain her notion, for now. “Sure…Ms…” She grumbled and rolled her eyes. Did she really need to tell this hacker who she was? Would that even help? She decided to tell him anyway. “Ridley…Reagan Ridley…CEO of Cognito, Inc…how about you…Mr. Hacker.” He chuckled. He responded, introducing himself. “I’m Player.” He extended his hand. Reagan remained wary. She took a step back, then pulled a file folder out from under her jacket. “This says that your last name is Bouchard…there is no first name listed…how convenient.”

Player shrugged. He had no intention of revealing his first name to her or to anyone. It wasn’t anyone’s business! Not even Carmen knew it. Neither did Zack or Ivy. Luckily for him, Reagan could care less about his first name. She had brought him there with a specific purpose in mind, although he wasn’t sure why. He would find out soon enough.

Reagan paced across the room. Where was Carmen Sandiego and her friends? She started to grow impatient. Suddenly, three guards in black camo gear brought Carmen, Zack, and Ivy into the same room. As the door closed behind them, Reagan typed on her phone the message “turn it off.” She received a one word reply from GIGITHO, the name that her friend used in the chat program. She placed her phone into a compartment on the door and it was sucked away to her office. She pressed a button on the wall. it made all electronic devices inoperable, like a localized EMP. They were completely alone. No one would be watching them, this time.

Carmen came to her senses, followed by Zack and Ivy. She got in Reagan’s face. She was furious. “Why the hell did you kidnap us…and Player…what the fuck do you want?” She moved her head from side to side. Carmen had it all wrong. She knew that she had to set the record straight. She did not want them to be enemies. She stared right back at Carmen with her brown eyes. To get ready for this meeting, she had done the unusual thing of putting on makeup to cover up her eye bags. She wanted to hide her sleep deprivation from others, realizing that characteristic could easily be exploited by those around her and others.

“I’d like to recruit you,” she said, seriously. Player knew this was coming, Zack and Ivy were confused, while Carmen was thoroughly surprised. She snapped back to reality and became incensed yet again. She hollered “couldn’t you have just asked us?” Reagan grumbled. Carmen really didn’t understand what Cognito did. Reagan then rolled her eyes and decided to give her the down low. “We are a shadow government organization…we have rules and protocol…we can’t just go to you…and ask.” She then sheepishly added, “...and I thought you’d all flee if we tried to come in and talk…after you took down those people you call ‘villains’.” Carmen thought she’d say that Cognito worked with VILE. It would make sense after what Player had told her about the connection between the two organizations. How were they able to stay afloat after the defeats at her hands? It seemed logical.

Reagan made clear that wasn’t the connection. This meant that either Player had been incorrect and misled, or that Reagan wasn’t being honest with them. “VILE were a bunch of jerks…so thanks for taking them down.” She cleared her throat. She believed it was time to announce why she had brought all four of them there to Cognito. She had to be honest, at least this time. “I’d like you to steal the silver patriot jewel from the Ladies of the Great Rebellion…from their museum, which is right here in the nation’s capital.”

Carmen had not predicted that this woman, who seemed mysterious to her, would propose she take an object from a museum. Staying a bit skeptical, she demanded to know why this jewel had to be taken. What value did it have? “Why do you need it anyway?” Reagan laughed. She didn’t expect such a question from a person she thought was so smart. She explained why it mattered. “The LGR is a wicked place. I once worked there…they canned my ass because I wasn’t as productive as they had wanted…what pretentious jerks.” Zack piped up. He couldn’t believe his ears. “You want to get a jewel so you can screw over your former workplace?” Reagan rolled her eyes. When he put it like that, it seemed malicious. She could care less about that belief. “I want to expose their sorry asses to the world and make them pay. They need to suffer for what they’ve done, those White supremacist posers.” She added, “I regret even spending over five months there…and they made me go through online training so I could analyze requests to join their fucking hoity-toity society.” Just thinking about it made her angrier. Impulsively, she growled and lashed out. She shouted. “Can’t you see that I’m in agony over this! Aren't you all about justice and doing the right thing?”

Carmen was taken aback. Realizing she had gone too far, Reagan stepped back and started to apologize. She didn’t want to turn them off. At times she really couldn’t deal with people. Too much interaction caused her to be socially exhausted. “I…didn’t mean to yell at you and your crew…you are the best in the business…will you do it…and help me, please?” She mulled it over. She murmured with Zack, Ivy, and Player. It could be a gamble or a trap. Reagan recognized that Carmen might be close to rejecting her offer. Without much thought, she blurted out, “Such a cute, snappy dresser like you wouldn’t turn down an offer from a pretty girl like me, right?” Carmen’s face became as red as a strawberry. She wasn’t prepared for this at all. Even when she met Julia Argent, an ACME agent that Zack and Ivy guessed that she had a crush on, she could keep her cool. She couldn’t do that in this case. Reagan’s little hair flip made her totally lose concentration. She was in total panic mode. She quickly exclaimed, “I’ll do it!” She covered her mouth right after, realizing she had made a mistake. This made Reagan happier than anything in the world. She said, softly, “sorry about…that comment earlier…thanks so much for doing this.” Carmen couldn’t back out now. Still a bit flustered, she huffed while Reagan opened the door with the push of a button, allowing them to leave. She waved as they left. “Best of luck, Carmen Sandiego and friends!”

The door closed in an instant. Reagan had a lot of thoughts about what had just happened. Had she done the right thing? Did she really have to flirt with a woman who was, by her guess, only 22 or 23? She knew that as a thirty-year-old, she could date anyone between the ages of 22 and 46, according to that silly "Half Your Age Plus 7" relationship rule. One could say that she was a little attracted to Carmen and she hoped to see her again. She even blushed when she thought about it. This was all necessary to make sure her plan came to fruition. Collecting herself, she pressed a button and the energy field deactivated. She touched another and a disk came out of the wall. With the disk in her hand, she left the room and walked toward the war room. She would be ready to coordinate the operation to steal the jewel from LGR. It was all part of her plan to take over the world and beyond, one step at a time, even though she wasn’t sure exactly how it would all fit together. That would come to her…in time.

Carmen was glad to be free. This Reagan Ridley person continued to confound her. Could she trust her? She wasn’t sure. She believed in her team, often called “Team Red.” She felt like she was in a bind. She asked them for advice, starting with her close friend in crime. “Ivy, what should I do?” Ivy was surprised. She didn’t think that her boss, of sorts, would ask for her help. Usually, it was the other way around. Carmen had led Team Red for years. “You should do this for her and try to bring her to the side of good.” Zack chimed in. “Yeah, sis, you are so right! She can’t be all on the side of…evil.” Player grumbled when hearing the conversation between them. He didn’t really like being around people, like Reagan. He’d rather be sitting in front of a computer screen by himself, in his room, a dark cave only lit by the light emanating from his computer screens. Carmen could see Player’s apprehension on his face and moved over to him. In the meantime, Zack and Ivy argued about the difference between “good” and “evil.” Carmen wanted to check up on Player. “Are you ok?” she asked. He shook his head.

While people would reply “Sure” or “Yes,” he decided to tell her the truth. He whispered to her, “no, I’m not. I need to get on a computer if…we are going to do this.” She understood. She began walking away from Zack and Ivy. She told them to stay put. “I’m gonna help Player get a computer here…which they are bound to have…to help us with this mission.” Zack and Ivy were ok with that. She and Player began walking around the halls until she came across a door labeled “War Room.” She guessed that they might have a computer inside. Busy with helping Player, she didn’t even recognize the familiar voice. She quickly opened the door. “Does anyone have a computer…a…,” Player then interjected, “a clean room so I can do my hacking to help Carmen here…with this theft.” Gigi, Brett, Glenn, Dr. Andre, and Magic Myc were eating lunch at their weirdly shaped table. Eying her outfit, Gigi exclaimed, “come in, Ms. snappy dresser…dang, you look fine!” She said this, even though she recognized her as Carmen Sandiego. Glenn kept snarfing down his lunch, not really looking toward her, and Dr. Andre kept smoking his chemtrails. Magic Myc asked, “let me read your mind” as he began extending one of his tentacles. Carmen backed away and tried to be nice about it. “No thanks…Mr…uh…mushroom man.” Brett got up and walked toward her. He was the only one who wanted to introduce himself to Carmen in a “normal” way. “Hi, I’m Brett Hand, what’s your name?” She answered sheepishly, “Carmen Sandiego…and this is my friend, Player…Reagan put us on this mission…” Before she could say anything, Reagan came into the room like she knew the conversation was happening and was annoyed she hadn’t been part of it.

“Can you leave MY new…asset…alone?” she said, dumbfounding everyone. When did Reagan ever have an asset other than them? Who was this woman anyway? At that moment, Carmen felt grateful for Reagan being there, although she still wasn’t sure if she could trust her. Reagan went a step further and exclaimed, “get her what she and her…friend…needs…this mission is important to me.” Gigi, Brett, Glenn, Andre, and Myc nodded their heads in agreement. Brett led Player to an isolated room where he could engage in hacking of information systems to help Carmen with her theft from the LGR. Without wanting to embarrass herself, Carmen exclaimed, “I’ll be…getting that silver patriot jewel for you” and began walking the other way. Gleeful, Reagan replied, “thanks a million! We will coordinate what we can from here.”

Right after Carmen left the room, Gigi turned to Reagan. She said, loudly, “what are you doing bringing a nice thing like her around here? It’s like she could be…” Guessing what Gigi would say next, Reagan rolled her eyes and added the word “girlfriend” afterward. That wasn’t what Gigi was thinking. she messed with Reagan a little bit. “So, you really like this woman, do you?” Reagan’s cheeks got warm and reddish. She didn’t know what to tell Gigi. She breathed in and answered firmly. “It’s all part of the plan. Whether I like her or not is not relevant.” Brett jumped to her defense, as a caring and sensitive person. He didn’t want an argument in the office. They needed to stick together. “Now, now, let’s simmer down now…Reagan can love anyone she wants…even this Carmen Sandiego fellow if she wants…that’s her business.” Reagan was on board with what Brett said. Glenn had left the room to test his arsenal of new weapons and Myc had gone to read people’s minds. Andre remained. “You two look cute together,” he said, clearly very high. Reagan shook her head.

Unfortunately for her, Carmen had overheard the whole conversation and she felt even more uneasy. The person she was working for…liked her? What was she supposed to do now? The only thing she knew how to do was to complete her mission. That was what she had to do. She put all her feelings aside and focused on the task ahead. Breathing deeply, she put in her earpiece and heard a familiar voice on the other end. “Red, are we ready for this?” Carmen was glad to hear that Player hadn’t been harmed. No one at Cognito seemed intent on harming her or anyone on Team Red. She replied, matter-of-factly, “yes, Player, we are. Everything is in place.” She didn’t want to ask Player if he was ok. She believed that a person from that shadowy organization would be listening. She had to use her words very carefully.

An unmarked van pulled up outside of Cognito. A masked woman threw Carmen, Ivy, and Zack inside, then sped off. Back in the war room, Glenn looked at the monitors with concern. “Reagan, we have a problem.” She laughed. She had contingencies in place if anything like this occurred. She knew what they had to do. “Call in the assassins,” she told him. He feigned ignorance. What people did she mean? He was confused. “Reagan, what do you mean?” She grumbled. How could it be that hard? Didn’t anyone remember them? “I mean I.M.P., those demons I worked with to try and off my dad…the ones we met last week.” Glenn knew who she meant. He liked those demons. They were the best assassins he had ever seen. Picking up a telephone, he typed in the number 1-800-TO-HELL. A phone line had been established from Cognito to Hell for this very occasion. Those in Hell were so cheap they got a 1-800 number rather than a direct line.

At the I.M.P. headquarters, a tired Hellhound answered the phone. “Hello, this is I.M.P. Now, what the hell do you want?” Glenn tried to answer carefully. He wanted to make sure these assassins would do their job. He also did not want to offend them. “I’m Glenn Dolphman from Cognito and I’d like you to kill…a couple humans.” Loona vaguely remembered that name. It didn’t come to her at first. Then she remembered who they were: humans who ran a shadow organization on the surface. They gave her the creeps. “Sorry…we don’t take requests from humans…or dolphins.” The line disconnected. Glenn got up out of his chair in a rage. He couldn’t believe what she had said to him. No one turned him down! He complained to Reagan. “That damn woman hung up on me!” Reagan half-guessed this would happen. She knew what to do. She picked up the phone and dialed the same number. She got the same response from Loona.

“I know you might want to hang up,” she began, “but I’m willing to pay a generous sum,” she continued. Loona considered it. She said, tentatively, “hold one moment please.” She put down the phone and grabbed Blitzo. She looked at him, utterly terrified. “It's those Cognito people again…led by that lady who had us kill her dad.” Blitzo remembered. He didn’t want anyone to hurt his precious Loona. He would never let that happen. He started speaking into the phone. “Can you guarantee our safety?” Reagan chuckled. She was willing to give them all and everything she wanted if they never entered Cognito itself. She wanted to, paradoxically enough, keep their secrets. “Yes. And I’ll even get you a base to set up a permanent headquarters on the Earth's surface…you are the best assassins in the business, right?” Blitzo couldn’t argue with that. He smiled. Everything was on the up and up. “It’s a pleasure doing business you miss…” She then remarked, “just call me Reagan.”

Blitzo remembered that name from before. He wanted an answer to one question. What was their mission and why was she asking them? “Ok, Reagan, what’s the target?” She laughed haughtily. She almost screamed out the name. She would have a chance to get rid of it forever and not have any regrets. “The LGR…the Ladies of the Great Rebellion…in downtown D.C.” Blitzo had no idea what building she meant, and he didn’t care. If they were paid well and got rid of the people they were supposed to, he could care less about a stinking building. Besides, they were assassins. What could go wrong?

On another side of the city, the unmarked van came to a stop. Carmen, Ivy, and Zack looked at one another. A woman with a greenish sock mask opened the vehicle’s two back doors. She easily picked them up by their clothes and hurled them onto the sidewalk. “Sayonara, suckers!” the woman exclaimed. She slammed the doors, then hopped into the driver’s seat and sped away. Carmen, Ivy, and Zack were puzzled. What had just happened? Who was that woman? They had no idea. That didn’t matter now. What Zack saw next made him shiver. He pointed at the placard above the door. “Uh, guys, we are at the…LGR.”

Ivy was worried. Was the masked woman working for Reagan? Or had she brought them there for another reason? Carmen put all that aside and realized they had a job to do. Her feelings were irrelevant, she believed. Instead, she saw this heist as necessary to protect her team. That is what truly mattered to her. “We have to get this silver patriot jewel…so, let’s get going, team!” Ivy and Zack were less than enthusiastic. They decided to follow her need regardless. They hoped that this would end well for them.

As they began their mission, Reagan, back at Cognito, received a text. It was from a person labeled “green hands girl” in her phone. Flipping her phone over, she saw what it said: “Op Red is a go.” She smiled. Everything was going as planned. She quickly typed back a response, “Be on standby. Initiate Op NPC if necessary.” She quickly received a response: “Acknowledged.” She snickered and began to laugh maniacally. Since she sat in the chair in her office away from everyone else, no one else saw her actions, or knew her plan.

Carmen entered the dimly lit library with anticipation. Only a lone security guard patrolled the halls, checking to make sure if anyone was there as he whistled to himself. If she had been there in the daytime, the researchers would be fast working, under deadlines from their bosses who wanted them to work faster and faster on complicated forms. Even though they had the technology for everything to be digital, their members were mostly elderly White ladies. All the changes had to be made by hand, scanned in, turned into digital documents, then printed out. The process could be confusing and bureaucratic. The bosses shouted orders and declared that the workers were not being productive enough. At the same time, they kept on workers who were so incompetent that they would have failed the rigorous tests given to new employees.

Reagan had been one of those people. She had the naive idea that her passion for learning more about her past could be a skill that she could use in a job. She created ways to track her progress as a new employee, hoping she could use it to show how much work she had done. To make matters worse, her bosses, a 30-something woman, who had a book on Asperger's on her work desk, and a man in his forties, turned these tools against her. Despite this, she remained optimistic that everything would be fine and that she would be ok. When she walked to a nearby park often filled with onlookers playing with flying disks, walking their dogs, or other fun activities, she continued to reassure herself about her self-worth. She would rather read a book, decompress, and talk to herself than have any “friends.” She often wore an earpiece to make it look like she was talking to another person while she talked to herself. She survived through it all.

She enjoyed her job on a level despite the soul-crushing labor. She even got a travel stipend, riding the subway from a suburb outside town. She lived in a crowded hovel with six other people, a place clearly meant for far fewer. She loved the cash. She used to shop at a gourmet food store and buy artisan sweet bread every week. She could walk to work, past museums, nonprofits, a building looking like a pastry gone wrong. Other people couldn’t do that. She loved it all, even her coworkers. Still, she felt so alone, like these co-workers didn’t care about her at all. Instead, they cared about inane topics which never interested her.

One day around 3:30 PM, she came back from the bathroom. The workspace was empty. She wondered where everyone was. She got a call on her work phone. It told her to come into the office. She did as she was told, marching herself in, like a dutiful worker. There were signs before this that things weren’t going well. She had met with her bosses, who told her to pick up the pace and work more “efficiently.” She said she was trying. They wanted more and they wanted it faster. She tried her best, but it wasn’t good enough. When she walked into that office, the HR director handed her a paper, and explained that her position was being terminated. She read over the letter carefully, explaining why they thought she should no longer be working at the LGR, handing her last paycheck, and letting her keep her paltry retirement account.

After tidying up her desk and handing in her badge, she walked out the building for the last time. Her boss told her to “have a good life” and that this job was “not a good fit” for her. She walked down the street shamefully, back to the subway station, and her hovel. If she had a more supportive family, she would have called them without delay. She would have said that the LGR had fired her and cried while sitting on a chair on the porch of the hovel where she was staying, wondering what she could do and why this happened to her, of all people. If that had happened, her mom and her dad would have comforted her, calming her down and making her feel better about herself. She then would have left the next day like nothing ever happened and toured around the museums in the nation’s capital. Later, she would have told her landlord that she couldn’t stay at the hovel anymore. He would have understood and let her shorten her stay. Her parents would have picked her up and taken her home.

None of that happened for Reagan. She had no support network and no one looking out for her. She knew enough to not trust her father. Even so, she had no choice but to reach out to him. She called her father. “Dad, can I work at Cognito?” She could almost hear him grinning through the phone. “Yes, Reagan, I thought you’d never ask.” He didn’t even mention her earlier job. It didn’t matter. She wanted to forget it. She’d rather start another job instead. Now that she had control of Cognito, she could do what she wanted all along. She could get back at the fuckers who fired her. They would experience what it was like to be lonely, depressed, unemployed, and alienated. They needed to feel her pain.

Inside the LGR, Carmen quickly approached the glass case surrounding the silver patriot jewel. Unlike other museums, this jewel did not have the same security systems. She easily cut through the glass and snagged the jewel. The security guard had been knocked out with a rag dipped in chloroform by Ivy, while Zack remained as a lookout. She began speaking into her earpiece. “Player, we got the item.” He responded carefully. He didn’t want to say anything which could hurt Carmen. Unknowingly, their conversation put her in jeopardy. “Red, congrats. I’ll let you…” The transmission began to be interrupted with static. The next words she heard made her chill in fear. “Red…they are trying to kill you…a rocket is heading your way.” When she tried to speak to him again, all she heard was static. She wasn’t sure if he was right, until she heard a window smash and saw the rocket screaming toward her. She quickly grabbed Zack and dashed out of the room, just before an explosion engulfed the LGR library in flames. Ivy joined up with Carmen and Zack who were running out of the building as quickly as they could. They were afraid for all their lives.

A few rooftops away, a reddish-skinned demon cackled. It was Millie. Still holding the bazooka on her shoulder, she smiled with glee. She had thrown Molotov cocktails, used various firearms, and a battle ax, but never a weapon like this. “Isn’t it beautiful, Mox!” she exclaimed, as she held him close by. He smiled and whispered “yeah, it’s great.” He then shrugged her off. He didn’t want anything distracting him from his focus. He used the sniper rifle to focus on two individuals getting into a car, doing exactly what Reagan had predicted. As soon as they entered the vehicle, he fired off a single shot. The bullet had been specially designed to go through any surface and explode upon impact with gasoline. It accelerated through the air at an incredible speed. The unsuspecting people never knew what hit them. In an instant, their car exploded and the two people were incinerated. Moxxie was ecstatic! He rubbed noses with his favorite demon. He was more relaxed now that the job had been finished, or so he believed. “Aw, you cute Angel of Death…you were great today” he told her. Millie reciprocated, happily. Loona would have loved this if she had been with them.

Blitzo rolled his eyes. He wasn’t a person who liked public displays of affection, especially when they weren’t done here. He angrily snarled. “Take your love fest somewhere else…we still have to finish the job.” He took the bazooka from Millie, who willingly gave him the weapon. She saw no use for it at that point. He aimed it at the LGR building. A rocket flew out and toward the main power generator of the building, causing it to explode. The flames traveled through the air vents, with fire engulfing the building and the nearby music hall. “That’s how you do it,” he told them. He took out a phone and typed the words “It’s done.” He then took out a fancy book, an arcane spellbook belonging to Stolas which allowed them to travel between the human world and Hell. Opening the pages, it created a portal, which the three of them stepped into. They were on their way back to I.M.P. headquarters, feeling triumphant. Even so, Moxxie was slightly peeved at how dismissive Blitzo had been.

While I.M.P. had left, they had only been partly successful. Although the LGR was on fire and two people had been killed, Carmen, Zack, and Ivy were still alive. The two people had been an important part of Reagan’s life: her bosses when she worked at the LGR. One was his direct supervisor, a woman named Zabith Infierno, and her boss, a man named Aril Ilitar. When Reagan heard they were dead and gone, it felt like a weight had been lifted. No longer could they mess with her thoughts and be part of her life. She could even use the services at Cognito to forget all the memories she had of that awful workplace. She grumbled at the fact that Carmen and her team remained alive, as a text from “green hands girl” informed her. She wrote back three simple words: “Initiate Op NPC.” The woman stepped out of her van and stashed her phone in her pocket. She snuck up on Carmen, Zack, and Ivy, who were caught off guard in their weakened state. She easily knocked them all out, dragging them inside her gray van. She took off Carmen’s trademark red hat and coat, fancying herself in the same clothes. She placed small computer chips on each of their foreheads, which blinked in succession. Cackling, she said, ominously, “Carmen Sandiego, you have no idea what’s coming, do you?”

Not long after, Carmen, Zack, and Ivy arrived at Cognito, Inc., taken inside by their captor. No one paid them any mind as she brought them straight to Reagan’s office and took the bags off their heads. “I’ve brought the miscreants here…into this super creepy place.” Reagan smiled. She didn’t expect to meet a woman she called the “green hands girl.” Unlike with Carmen, she genuinely felt attracted to this woman, although what the woman said about Cognito annoyed her a little. She even addressed her by name. “That will be all…Shego.” Hearing her name, Shego looked intently at Reagan. She had wanted to see Reagan, one of the first clients for her new firm, Green Hands Girl Enterprise, a contracting group which took mercenary jobs. She thought that Reagan, and Cognito could be an end to her one-off jobs since she had become “good.” She could be a forever client! She came up with something on the spot. “This place you have is…uh…rad…let me show how these neuro-compliance clips work.” She belted out a command: “WALK FORWARD.” Carmen, Zack, and Ivy followed her command mindlessly. They could remember and see what was happening to them. However, they could do nothing to stop it. Reagan was impressed. With such a device, Cognito could easily put anyone she wanted under her control. What impressive power to have.

“Shego, these devices are great. You can start as one of our field agents, at once! You can make sure that people don’t figure out about our…conspiracies.” Nervously twirling her hair, Reagan then added, “uh, let’s hang out sometime.” Shego was surprised to hear that. She chuckled and added, “anytime, Ray-gun…see you on the flip side…I gotta blast on outta here!” As she said that, her green energy concentrated in her hands, and she blew a hole in the wall, followed by flips outside the building and onto the ground below. The damage to the building made her slightly angry. However, she was overjoyed to meet another woman who was the same age as her and could help Cognito accomplish its goals. It was a win-win. Coming into the executive suite which she now occupied since she had taken care of her father, she sat down behind a desk. She relaxed in a comfortable leather chair. She pressed a button on the desk and two guards appeared in her room, holding Carmen, Zack, and Ivy. She directed the guards to bring these miscreants to the re-conditioning room on level 7. The guards complied and took them away. Their fate, and that of Player, remained in the balance.

Just then, Gigi burst into her room. “Reagan, we have an emergency. People are beginning to ask questions about the explosion at the Ladies of the Great Rebellion and the killing of those two people. I’d like your advice.” Reagan shrugged. She tried to reassure Gigi. “Do what you do best. Spin and manipulate the news, blame anyone else for the actions.” Scratching her head, an idea immediately came to her. After remembering the day’s news, she suggested, “blame it on Russia. Nowadays anyone will believe that they are behind anything. People are so damn gullible and pliable, it's too easy to convince them of bullshit.” A smile went across Gigi’s face. She appreciated the support. There is nothing better than for your supervisor, and your friend, to believe in you. “Thanks so much, Reagan!” Grinning, Reagan added, “not a problem!”

After Gigi left, Reagan slumped into her chair. She had enough social interaction for the day. She hated that phrase “not a problem” but it slipped out. She thought it was an annoying phrase that goofballs used. The book How to be a Badass Female Boss by Dijonay Jones, now the head of Dijonay Industries, had told her that phrases like that would get coworkers to respect you. So, she tried it. Reagan wanted to take a rest after everything that had happened. She unveiled a huge television screen and tapped the controller. With some static, it turned on. The first channel she began watching had a breaking news report. It began just as she expected:

“Hi, this is Glock Rod. Two senior intelligence officials are telling NNC News that Russia is behind the heinous assaults of two outstanding citizens in Washington, D.C., and the bombing of the Ladies of the Great Rebellion in the downtown. Let’s cut now to an announcement from President Ridrump on the evolving crisis:

‘This is a cowardly act by the Russian government to strike fear into the hearts of the American people. I am sanctioning their intelligence apparatus…they will pay for what they have done and will suffer the pain of a thousand suns. No one stands up to America and…’

Reagan had heard enough. This type of jingoistic claptrap could convince anyone to do anything, even making people mindlessly support the blame of a whole group of people for an action committed by a country’s government. Utter poppycock. She flipped to the next channel.

“I’m Olf Litzer. We are hearing from government sources that Russia is behind this despicable act which strikes at the heart of American democracy. We mourn the deaths of Zabith Infierno, and Aril Ilitar. They will live in infamy…”

She clicked onto the next channel. It had reporting on the same issue, although had a different spin. The chyron at the bottom asked “CIA behind assassination? Unnamed source says YES.” The host wore a suave suit. He had hair that looked like it had gone through a blender and a washing machine at the same time. This host, named Rucker Narlygrin, claimed they had information no one else on any other channel had, an exclusive story:

“The rest of those other channels are saying it is Russia. We have the REAL scoop here. It was the CIA! An unnamed government source gave me intimate knowledge of the plans. It all makes sense. It’s clearly a false flag operation so that the government can institute martial law. I will never stand for such American tyranny. We are the land of the brave and don’t you ever forget that. I will die on the grave of American freedom with a flag stabbed through my heart!”

Reagan was a bit thrown by the last one. What was that guy even talking about? She had no clue. She knew that Gigi’s disinformation campaign and spin about the assassinations, and bombing, had been successful. No one would ever suspect that a group of demons, from the depths of hell, were behind it all. None of these pundits, half of whom were reptilian clones who served the Shadow Council, cared about the truth. All they wanted was money and more money. They would say anything to stay on the air and the public would eat it up, with lively debates on social media between those who believed Russia was behind the attack and those who believed it was the CIA. They had fostered this discord and Reagan couldn’t be prouder. In many ways, everything was going according to plan.

*********

Notes: Used “A.C.M.E. (2019),” “Carmen Sandiego (2019 character),” “Player (2019 character)” on the Carmen Sandiego wiki, “Loona,” “I.M.P.,” “Millie,” “Moxxie,” on the Hazbin Hotel wiki, and Neuro-compliance chip page on Kim Possible Wiki, Reagan Ridley page on Inside Job Wiki. This story is slightly inspired, in one part, by real events.

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amazingmsme · 3 years

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I’m watching Queer Eye & I just had this thought that I absolutely can’t get out of my head. So the Fab 5 have been in an episode of big mouth & I was like. You know who could really use a week of self care & working on her issues? Reagan Ridley. I just NEED someone to write this.

Brett would be the one to nominate her because he was watching the show & thought that she was a lot like the people they help. Spoilers under the cut, & I mean right under. & just so y’all know this got way longer than intended.

So after her dad swoops in and steals her promotion, Reagan throws herself into her work, even more so than usual. Her circles are worse, she snaps at everyone, & every waking moment is dedicated to her job. & Brett knows she has a lot of insecurities & family issues & thinks she could really benefit from the experience.

So Brett & the gang make a video to nominate her for a makeover & the Fab 5 know they got their work cut out for them especially with the way her coworkers stress how harsh she can be & her strained relationship with physical affection.

Ever since Rand took over the company, he’s made his daughter’s life a living hell, & totally on purpose too. Poor thing has just been so frazzled & angry because she’s been stretched so thin. He just loves using his new power to torment her constantly & not give her a moment’s rest. He gives her way more work than JR ever did, he degrades her in front of others, basically turned her into his errand boy, but the worst thing by far, at least in Reagan’s book, is forcing her to spend time with him instead of getting her work done. Which in turn makes her fall farther behind & has to work harder to keep up. But Reagan is a machine fueled on spite, so she throws 200% of herself into her work.

It doesn’t take long for the gang to notice that it’s taking its toll on her, but she adamantly denies the fact that anything is wrong. Her hair is always frazzled & messy, even more so than usual, her skin is dry & cracked with extremely dark circles under her eyes, even by Reagan standards. Her clothes have an increasing number of stains, & as nice as her work family is trying to be, they can’t ignore the funky smell wafting from her.

After the incident in the 80’s town, she tried to make it a habit to hang out with Brett, have dinner, & watch something with him. Now by this point, he already sent in her nomination tape so he needed her to warm up to the idea of the Fab 5 before they barge into her life. They end up binging the entire first season at once & he other seasons shortly follow when she manages to drag herself away from work long enough.

Reagan falls in love with the show & is amazed at the transformations they make to people’s lives. She even joked that “I think I’d break them if they ever got a hold of me.” Que very nervous laughter from Brett & he’s like “but it would be nice, right? To let people help you for a change & to open up?” She just shrugs & goes “yeah I guess, but that could never happen. Those guys help people who actually need it, and who’re good people.”

Brett gets all sad like 🥺 “you don’t think you’re a good person?” 🥺 & Reagan legit laughs in his face until tears well in her eyes & she wipes them away & just goes “I know I’m not a good person. I’m my father’s daughter after all.” & that just makes our favorite himbo to fucking sad he starts crying & clings onto her & tells her everything. About how him & the gang are so worried about her cause she gives every part of herself to the company & doesn’t take care of herself. About how they all put together her nomination tape & sent it in & how their Queer Eye marathons were in case she got accepted & needed to know what was in store.

At first she was pretty pissed- not because she was insulted that they thought she needed the help or anything- but because of what that meant for the company. She would be gone from Cognito for an entire week, her father would be left to his own devices, but above all that meant five total strangers & a fucking film crew would be prowling around her things & might even go inside the company building. Basically the opposite reaction he wanted her to have because in her panic induced rant not once did she mention herself. It was all about Cognito Inc.

He manages to calm her down & talk things out because no one can deny she needs this. She agrees on that at least, & Brett manages to convince her that it could even be good for the company to get some press. Make them seem like a normal, innocent & good company & less like a shady corporation that no one knows anything about. Have an episode of a wildly popular show dedicated to one of the most powerful people in the company. It would be a good look for all of them & could douse some rumors that were starting to spread about their shady practices.

Of course when the Fab 5 sees her nomination they’re like damn we gotta help this girl ASAP. They let Reagan know she’s been accepted to be on the show & she puts the whole company on high alert, ready to switch to the Field Trip Mode at a moment’s notice. A dude in the watch tower spots their car & alerts them to switch. Time to hide all the weird, shady shit or anything that could be construed as evil.

Now the guys are used to surprising whoever they’ll makeover, so they’re expecting to crash in on some important meeting & whisk her away. Instead they’re greeted with an enthusiastic, but clearly tired & erratic woman talking 90 to nothing about how honored she is to have them there. Launches into her regular spiel for investors & touring school children about the company, boasting of her accomplishments to try & hide the person that’s barely clinging on. The Fab 5 are barely able to refrain from their signature group hug upon meeting her, but they were well warned. After initial introductions, Karamo asks if it’s okay if they hug her. She’s clearly trying to act normal, but the question makes her nervous. But she’s trying to to be better about it so she says yeah, but only if it’s quick.

The gang of course fucks some shit up, giving the 5 a good idea of what she has to deal with on a daily basis. Brett is the only one actively trying to help Reagan & make things easy on her. & the source of all her fucked up problems walks in all smug & trying to be charming like the massive dick he is.

“Reagan where the fuck are those reports I asked about a week ago? Oh, and about five of our robots are malfunctioning, you’ll have to fix that as soon as possible.” & she’s trying to signal for him to shut the fuck up & leave when he notices them all. He just smirks like “Are these the fairy gaymothers come to try & make you look halfway presentable?” & yeah none of them like him & they instantly start to understand why she is the way she is.

They go back to her house & she’s a frantic mess scrambling around & trying to hide classified stuff for work while they “raid” her house & have fun.

Her kitchen couldn’t be more sparse, there’s more lab & robotic equipment than there is actual decor, & there isn’t a single skin or hair product in her bathroom. Jonathan pulls her in to ask what her routine is & sheepishly says she doesn’t really have one. Uses 2 in 1 shampoo & conditioner & washes her face with hand soap. Antoni asks about her relationship with food & is appalled when he finds out she doesn’t have any regular eating habits & oftentimes works for hours at a time, forgetting to have meals. If someone doesn’t literally drag her away for lunch she’ll forget about it but at least she drinks water & has supplement shakes on occasion.

Bobby asks her if her home actually feels like a home, & she hesitates before answering no. She said she’s never really felt at home in a house, but that’s mostly due to the fact that her parents fought constantly & turned the house into an active war zone. She built a coping habit of working & staying away from the house & now she feels more at ease in a cold facility than her own home. & she’d be lying to his face if she said she wasn’t trying to avoid Karamo, because she knows there’s so much emotional trauma & baggage that she herself of scared to actually examine. So he has to start chipping away at her walls to gain her trust.

Ok but at least 1 of the 5 is a lizard person & was at the gala & saw Reagan’s freak out. Watching her tape & hearing about the company rang a bell but it wasn’t until they started talking with her did they realize she’s the poor fucked up sap who couldn’t even hug another person & accidentally ripped off their leader’s arms. Imagine whoever you want but just like, Jonathan or one of them being like “so honey, I was at the gala & I know what happened. Care to talk a little more about why that happened?”

But yeah it ends up with her explaining how her dad never hugged her growing up & made this giant & terrifying robot to do it so he wouldn’t have to. Like she literally talks to Karamo for hours about all the layers of shit that Rand has put her through. From Bear-O, to the boy repelant perfume, to using her as insurance as a way to get back in the company if he ever got pushed out. & a whole lot more.

They jump into the makeover & Bobby takes her shopping to fill her home with nice things that she can see herself wanting to go home & relax to. What furniture speaks to her, what decor she likes, & just getting an overall sense of her vibe. Next up is Tan & he is so ready to help boost her self confidence in her appearance. She’s said how she’s always felt like an outcast not only because of her lack of social skills, but because she knows she’s not the prettiest. She’s been told so countless times & yes that includes her parents. She’s well aware that society views a woman’s value based off looks, so she feels like she has to work twice as hard to prove her worth in life. & that shit’s exhausting so she just stopped really caring about how she looked because that’s just “wasted effort.” But he starts pulling outfits that he knows she’ll look good in, & that he thinks suits her style.

A sexy pants suit paired with a low heel for work, ripped jeans, combat boots, halter top with a leather jacket for a more dressy casual look. He even shows her a big purse that she can store weapons & gadgets in. & it’s stylish but just tacky enough for her taste because let’s face it, our weird girl likes weird, somewhat tasteless shit & that’s very cash money of her. She says she kinda wants to dress like a lowkey but still snazzy evil scientist. Cause she realized she really did look fire in Skullfinger’s getup. & you best bet Tan hooks her up.

Next up is Antoni & he really tries to instill a passion for food in her because you don’t only need it to fuel your body, but good food can bring people together. & when she has Brett over they always have something frozen or easy to slap together or they just get takeout. He really tries to make the process of making a good meal therapeutic for her. It’s something you can use to release anger when chopping veggies or tenderizing the meat & the act of cooking can calm her down after a long stressful day at Cognito Inc.

Karamo reaches out to Rand to talk about what it was like raising Reagan. & Karamo is a very mild mannered, peaceful, & respectful man. He’s seen his fair share of parental issues & tries to help sort them out for whoever they’re helping & he does a great job being understanding to both sides. Usually. But even he can’t hide the horror & outright disgust when listening to the way Rand talks about raising his daughter. He doesn’t actually talk about Reagan herself, only her accomplishments that he’s proud of. & he loves to laugh about & mock her failures. Karamo is being extremely patient & tries to get through to him that he himself doesn’t have healthy habits & coping mechanisms & passed those onto his daughter & how he doesn’t see her as her own person, but just an extension of him by his own design to manipulate & control. So Karamo tells him that he’s going to have a day in a lab to work with Reagan rather than boss her around or work against her. & he tells him to his face that he is a bad father & needs to apologize to his daughter if he wants any hope of salvaging their relationship.

Of course she’s not thrilled when she finds out what Karamo has planned because she always gets this nervous sinking feeling whenever she has to try to work with her dad. But despite everything, she is still desperate for his love & approval so she agrees. It starts out very tense & awkward as they both try to one up each other with their inventions. At first, Rand was being very bossy & controlling & Reagan snapped at him about how he tries to manage every aspect of her life. It turns into a fight that Karamo has to break up & has them try to talk it out & bruh. My guy. It’s fucking heartbreaking. Reagan immediately went on the defensive asking him why she was never good enough to warrant his attention as a child & he shot back that it was because she could always have been better. & he said that his shitty parenting is the only reason why she’s as successful as she is because he taught her to constantly push herself to strive for nothing less than perfect. & if he had been loving & encouraging then she would’ve been just another weak, washed up secretary at some tech company because she would be “content with mediocrity.” Karamo shuts that shit down like “can’t you see how much you’ve hurt your daughter, and continue to hurt her?” & he’s able to calm them both down enough to have an actual conversation instead of a screaming match. Because Rand will actually listen to him because he’s a man & admits he can see their side. Karamo asks Reagan if her dad’s ever told her he loves her & you can see the moment that it dawns on her that he’s never actually said that he does. There’s just so much potential for this section of the “episode” & holy fuck I wanna open that can of worms so bad. But after they talk things out (sort of) Rand agrees to step back & watch her work building whatever it is that she decides to make & he finally starts to see her in a different light after watching her be completely in her element. & he helps her with some more difficult stuff & gives her tips & it becomes a pretty sweet & tender moment.

Jonathan is so ready to boost her self confidence cause he knows Karamo’s day was really rough on her. He shows her a quick & easy skin routine that she can do in the mornings & evenings. & he’s so excited to get his hands on her hair because he has plans. He’d spend the whole time chatting & talking up how great she looks & how well her hair is gonna frame her face now. He adds layers to give it some volume & some cute, kinda whispy bangs. He leaves the shorter pieces in the front that hang out of her ponytail cause it’s just such a cute look. The end result is very polished & professional but still fun & youthful, & she can’t stop running her fingers through it.

When they show her her house she can’t believe it’s the same place. It has a modern & technical aesthetic with a rich, darker color scheme & Bobby made sure to include some elements of dark academia cause it really seems like her vibe. & they gave her lab a huge upgrade with tons of new equipment so she can work at home instead of staying at Cognito for ungodly amounts of time. Made her a secret filing cabinet to store government secrets too. Bobby even went through the trouble of making her a hidden room that’s a fully functional panic shelter but also a place that just for her & where she can relax. She’s absolutely stunned & at a loss for words when she sees it.

She’s cried more times this week than she thinks she ever has because her life needed a purge to give her a fresh start. She’s the first to initiate the hug with all of them, which is a huge step for her. She thanks them for everything they’ve done for her & admits that at the start of this, she didn’t think she deserved this kind of treatment. But thanks to them, she realized that she is a good person who helps others & is deserving of help & just skajsnkakd. Her end of the week celebration thing is probably like a company wide party or some kind of fundraising event & the gang barely even recognized her- not only from her looks but her sense of confidence & self worth changed her demeanor almost entirely. Brett is absolutely thrilled that she seems healthier & less frazzled than before & can’t help but be overwhelmed with emotions.

& she’s still the witty, smart ass, powerful & brilliant woman she always was, except now she actually believes it. This is way longer than I intended, but I got carried away. I just. I really need a Reagan Ridley Queer Eye episode. So uh, if someone wants to turn this into a full fledged fic please let me know

#queer eye #inside job #reagan ridley #brett hand #tan france #karamo brown #jonathan van ness #antoni porowski #bobby berk #inside job headcanon #netflix i’m begging you #if queer eye can be on big mouth they can DEFINITELY be on inside job

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