#regulus i hate the world and have no feelings besides tired black

[jamesisasimp]

Do you ever just imagine James and Regulus standing next to each other?

Like that's it, that's all I need, there's something so fucking special to me about that mental image

[embrassemoi]

Surrounded by the Moon and Stars ✷ 25

Pairings: Sirius B, Remus L, [F]Reader   CW: Language, implied sexual content, angst 

【 Masterlist: Previous Chapter | Next Chapter 】

Chapter 25: Theories of Emotions

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

April 30th, 1976

“HAHAHA!” Y/N let out a scream of mirth. She laughed so hard that her knees buckled, meeting the soft grass beneath and wand slipped from her grasp. Her eyes swam with heavy tears, gasping for air as she rocked back and forth, clutching her ribs. Nonplussed and unamused, Regulus gawked at her.

“You wart. You said you wouldn’t laugh!”

It was a passing joke, that she would teach Regulus how to swim but he took it a little too literally. Now, swimming — or attempting to swim in the shallow area of the black lake, wearing bright yellow floaties to keep him afloat, Regulus kept making large splashes; his arms failed around, legs unsynchronized as he kicked to propel his body.

“When you said your swimming skills were horrific, I thought you were being humble!”

Regulus’s face turned a dark pink, but he wore a sheepish grin. He doggy paddled his way out of the lake, which made her laugh even harder and waddled on land. Y/N got up, threw him a towel and ruffled his hair.

Regulus had been looking a little more lively lately, and Y/N was just happy that he seemed to be doing better.

“We can work with this!”

Regulus tossed her a dirty look, “Promise me you’ll never become a professor.”

“Whatever you say, Reggie —” “Hey!”

Once dry, they walked back to the castle and broke off into separate directions. Y/N promised to meet Remus a little earlier than usual at the library, but before then, she stepped into McGonagall’s office and sat in the chair opposite to her. Career meetings have been going on and her scheduled meeting had been weighing her down.

“Hello, Ms. L/N. Biscuit?” McGonagall gestured to the metal tin in front of her.

“No, it’s okay.” “Don’t be absurd.” Y/N was too afraid to reject again, so she took one.

“So, how are you feeling about the upcoming exams?”

“Nervous. Anxious.”

“I can imagine. You did struggle with the change of curriculum at the beginning of the year, but you’ve consistently improved.” McGonagall flipped through her stack of notes; her little glasses perched up high. She cleared her throat again. “You've always excelled in Defense, Potions and Transfigurations — and I’ve talked to Flitwick, he’s said you’ve improved drastically. Although, you struggle with History of Magic.”

Y/N sighed and nodded. Professor Binns wasn’t exactly helpful. “It’s never been a… strong suit of mine.”

“We all have our strengths and weaknesses, no? It doesn’t concern me much. I’ve heard you and Mr. Lupin are quite amicable — you two do study with each other..?”

“Yes, I attend his study sessions.”

McGonagall flashed her a rare smile and Y/N felt immense pride fill her. McGonagall smiling was almost as rare as getting a letter from her mother. “I can proudly say I have faith in you.”

“Thank you.”

“Then, I can assume you’ve given thought to what career you want to pursue?”

This was what she was dreading; thinking about her future. She’d give thought, loads, but it felt like there was such little time to decide the rest of her life. McGonagall waited for an answer as she watched Y/N struggle. “Do you have plans of continuing your education in America or..?”

She tried to make eye contact and her palms suddenly became damp. “I’m having doubts about working in the wizarding world.”

McGonagall pursed her lips.

“It’s not like I don’t want to — I do!” She explained, “I’ve thought about being a Healer. My mother is a Muggle Doctor.”

Professor McGonagall soaked in her words. “Are you struggling because you’re not sure if you want to become one, or do you feel pressured by your mother’s decisions?”

She sat straighter at this. “Er — Yes? No? That’s not my problem — honestly, I think my mom would discourage me from becoming one. It’s just… I mean…” She looked back to McGonagall who nodded encouragingly. “It’s just… the war… I’m not sure if I can…”

“What do you mean?” Her voice shifted, becoming brittle and it took Y/N by surprise. McGonagall wore a look so unlike her. Any trace of her firm, yet strict-kindness facade vanished. It was replaced with deep exhaustion.

“I’m a New — Muggleborn… most people — wizards — aren’t kind to someone like me… and I heard that they’re training them to be medics. I would be in the midst.”

McGonagall took off her spectacles, unveiling her red-rimmed eyes like she’d lost sleep or been crying. She sighed, so sorrowful and heavy that it even affected Y/N. “I won’t lie and say you’re wrong…” Her palms rubbed her tired eyes. “But you can’t let them win. Don’t let go of your dreams to submit to them. I won’t let my students diminish their talents and dreams.”

The professor took a long pause. “I know several institutes that transfer magical credits into Muggle credits if you’re seriously considering disconnecting from Magic. But, I urge you, think about it.”

She nodded gravely. There was already a considerable disconnect from her and the Muggle world that going back seemed impossible, but it was probably the safest.

McGonagall broke the silence, reshuffling her papers.

They continued to talk for some time, jumping from courses and mark requirements for NEWT level courses and Y/N left with a stack of papers and mock schedules. With a heavy heart, she headed towards the library. It seemed like every week when exams neared, the earlier group sessions would be.

Y/N flopped down on one of the couches near the back and let her head loll to rest on the cushion. She wasn’t alone for long before she felt the couch dip beside her. She peeked open one eye; Sirius in all his glory was there. In one hand, he held the Marauder’s map before she snatched it.

“Now you’re stalking me?”

His head made a funny gesture. “You know about the map?”

“... James.”

“Why am I not surprised?”

“I haven’t told anyone. I promise!”

He beamed and when Y/N flipped through the papers McGonagall gave her, she felt Sirius place a hand on her thigh, slowly inching up.

Snogging — shagging — it made life a lot more fun. Unresolved anger between each other? Broom closet with heated words between kisses. One of them was stressed? Take it out on the other. Wanted fun? Sneak up to Sirius’s dorm. Sirius being a fucking asshole? Kiss him and he’ll shut up (although, Y/N had a sneaking suspicion that he knew this and was purposely being a dick to get a reaction now). Their anger was slowly dwindling to extinction. Moreover, rather than brooding exchanges across the hall, there were one or two sly smiles.

But, they had four unspoken rules they followed:

Never talk about whatever they were,

Because surely, neither meant anything to the other,

If they were with anyone else, they would have to tell the other,

And most importantly; never, ever, tell anyone.

“You look ravishing.”

Y/N felt her face heat. “I wish I could say the same about you."

Sirius smirked, his fingers trailing dangerously close to her inner thigh.

“Here?" She hissed, "What are you doing?"

“The thrill is the fun part.” He pressed a few sneaky kisses to her jaw, “You spend too much time here with Lupin and not enough time with me.”

“Jealous?” Y/N’s brow rose and she turned to look at him. “Of Lupin?”

Sirius didn’t answer but momentarily pulls away. “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?”

She rolled her eyes. “Slag.”

“You know French?”

“Second official language in Canada.”

Sirius nodded. “Well, I’m a slag… for you.” She teasingly smacked him on the head with her papers.

“I can’t stand you sometimes.”

“Feelings mutual, princess.”

Y/N hid a smirk, resuming to ignore him as she flicked through the stack of papers. There was a dreadful feeling settled deep within. Everything was moving too fast and she felt like she had nowhere to turn. Overwhelmed, she pressed herself into the couch further and groaned out, “Fuck —”

“Maybe we can do that later?”

An involuntary chuckle slipped out which had Sirius grinningly like a fool. There it was again, that Sirius Black grin… it made her heart do wild flips. “You’re a literal dog.”

“And aren’t you a lovely witch?”

Y/N rolled her eyes, flipped him off and went to tug on Sirius’ hair to pull him off before a loud moan ripped from him and echoed throughout the library. Y/N’s eyes grew large, mouth agape. Sirius was unapologetic though; his smile grew bigger.

“I promise I’ll let you slap me, lightly,” he winked and wiggled his brows. “Or hard, whatever you want.”

She shook her head and shoved her things into her bag and pulled Sirius to his feet before he led her up to his dorm. His name spewed from her lips like a prayer and consumed every thought.

At some point, they flopped down on Sirius’ bed as they breathed in deeply, catching their breaths. Y/N was filled with content and went to turn on her side, facing Sirius and cuddling up to him. Gently and mindlessly, pressed a series of light kisses to his forehead while massaging his scalp.

The sun made one last feeble appearance before being engulfed by dusk. Rays of golden glow spilled in as she embraced him. Her hands ran feather-light touches up and down his bare skin and Sirius’ head hugged close to her chest. The soft touches were filled with nothing but her (not so) hidden affection and calm peace. She didn’t think much about her actions.

Something she’d come to learn during their stolen kisses and nights under white satin sheets; Sirius was beautiful in a wild, carefree way. He was wild like how wind sweeps through the branches of willows trees and meadows on a cool summer's eve or carefree in the way waves from the ocean crashed upon rocks. He was hauntingly beautiful in a turbulent, pliable way — wild in not just beauty, but essence too.

And it hurt. What were they doing?

Everything moved so quickly. Not even a month ago, she was supposed to be hating Sirius — now their limbs were tangled together. The ever-present war crept up during the worst times and she and Lily hadn’t spoken since their fight.

Lily…

Y/N tried to be indirect, catching her eyes during class or in their dorms, but nothing. She would always re-direct her gaze. It’d grown awkward in the dorms; Marlene and Dorcas caught in the crossfire.

She really missed Lily. Their late night talks, silly games, Lily keeping her in line and Y/N getting Lily to let loose; everything and more.

Usually, once she and Sirius were done with each other, they would leave, peel off each other but Y/N was so tired of — well, everything.

Trapped in thoughts, she hadn’t noticed Sirius’ body go rigid until his body began to tremble. Sirius made a small strangled noise that she originally mistaken as a laugh or snore until she felt wet droplets fall on her skin.

Y/N pulled back to find Sirius silently crying. She watched him, thinking that she should comfort him but was rooted in place and eyes drifted to the door, thinking of leaving. It felt like an intrusion being there with him and comforting someone was not on her list.

“Er — Sirius?” She whispered, alarmed. Her smile fading and his breath hitched. She awkwardly patted him before going to stiffly stroke his arm, but it only seemed to make him cry harder. She quickly ripped back her hand and put distance between them. Her mind raced a mile a minute as she listened to him. “Sirius? Hey — what’s wrong?”

“Get out.”

She froze and looked back at him. “Do you want me to get someone —”

“GET OUT!” He yelled. It scared her so much that her body jolted and Sirius hid his face with his hands. Sirius crying and screaming at her unprovoked made her panic and recline. He stayed quiet after that, rolling over, pulling his blankets above his head.

She chewed on her bottom lip so hard that a metallic taste flooded her mouth. In a rush, she quickly threw on her clothes and grabbed her bag. She shuffled towards the door but then looked back at Sirius; he looked so small and his cries made her fill with immense sadness. She debated; should she leave and respect his wishes? But the way he was crying, so hysterically and abruptly — she worried he might’ve done something impulsive and stupid.

She decided on leaving and sat right outside the door just in case. She listened to his sobs that managed to seep through the walls.

She waited there for a very, very long time that she almost fell asleep before she heard his muffled voice and swore he said her name.

She knocked twice, “You okay?”

There was a knock back.

“Was I that bad of a kisser?” She tried to joke after some time. Luckily, she heard Sirius choke out a heartbroken giggle. This time there were two knocks. A no, she assumed. 

Silence crept back in and Y/N leaned against the door and looked around the hall. Nobody else was there, but just in case put up a spell for any prying ears.

“Do you still want me to leave?” She asked. “Just say the word.” Communication with him felt weird.

Sirius remained quiet but then she heard him hop off his bed, feet coming closer to the door. She then felt a small nudge against the door as Sirius slid down to sit on the opposite side.  

“You can talk to me,” Y/N said nervously, not wanting him to blow up again. “Did I do something? I promise I didn’t mean it.” She remained still, listening to his quiet sniffling.

Two knocks. 

“Er — I won't push and you don’t need to tell me but — um, I promise I won’t tell a soul. Not even the other Marauders. It’ll be our little secret.”

It takes a long time before Sirius eventually stops sniffling and she listens to his uneven breaths; she's extremely uncomfortable and baffled. He tries to speak several times but ends up cutting himself off.

A sharp exhale came from him, shallow and irregular. In a small, weak voice that made it feel like an invisible weight pressed against her chest, he finally spoke.

“Je suis —” Sirius started before switching to another foreign language. Y/N was able to pick up on a few words: it was Italian.

“Nessuno dei miei amanti mi ha toccato così senza volere qualcosa in cambio. Non mi fai sentire usato e ne ho he terrorizza.”

More silence ensues; Y/N thinks that he might’ve walked away until he speaks again.

“Il modo in cui mi fai sentire mi spaventa e non riesco a gestirlo.” Sirius stops, taking a shaky inhale, “Non sono ancora pronto.”

Then, she hears the door click open and the knob turns. She backs away until it opens and her head peaks in. Sirius is staring at the ground to avoid her eyes, hair acting as a curtain to hide his face. She shuffles in, Sirius leans against the door and shuts it. Y/N shifts to sit in front of him. He’s dressed again, but the sleeves of his shirt were damp with tears.

She inches closer to place an encouraging hand on his but stops, remembering earlier. “Can I touch you?”

He closes his eyes — like the question was a mental battle before he nods. Y/N reaches up, pushing back the strands of fallen hair, revealing his red, puffy eyes. Her thumb strokes over his skin tenderly — intimately, but it causes a broken whimper to escape him, but leans into the touch.

“Whatever you said,” Y/N mutters, “Thank you for telling me.”

Pink floods his cheeks and he hesitantly reaches out, his arms going around her waist to pull her into a hug.

“Mi sbagliavo su di te.” He mumbled to her shoulder and Y/N was left to think.

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

They both missed the study group and dinner. Eventually, Sirius fell asleep and Y/N snuck out of his room before the Marauders came in. She didn’t want to go back to her dorm to face Lily and was extremely hungry. She then thought back to Sirius before going to grab food for both of them.

She slipped out into the night, being accompanied by Nearly Headless Nick who had a worried expression on his face. Y/N didn’t think much of it, if anything, she was rather annoyed; after the day she’s had, she wanted to be alone for a while.

The house-elves helped to line a large platter of food before she thanked them, making her way out of the kitchens. Nearly Headless Nick floated close, urging her to speed up.

“Sir Nick, I don’t mean to be rude, but why are you following me?”

“Making sure you get back to Gryffindor’s tower safely.”

That caught her attention. “Safely?”

Sir Nick’s eyes widened. “My poor girl, haven’t you heard?”

She and Sirius missed a lot when they were together. Nobody was quite sure what happened to Mary; she wouldn’t speak a word of it, not even to Marlene. All anyone knew was that Mary was a victim of Dark Magic and was found in a torpid state by Hufflepuff’s Head Girl; used as an initiation for Mulciber for the Death Eater ranks.

Word ran wild around the school of Mulciber’s expulsion and everyone was left on edge. Rumours went around of the Imperius curse. Mary was fine physically, Sir Nick told her, but mentally…

Y/N’s blood ran cold while Nick had a sorrowful smile of reassurance. “You’ll be fine — your friend will be fine but you need to come with me, now.”

But out of the corner of her eye, she’d seen a shadowy figure peek out from the shadows and Y/N drew her wand, Sir Nick floating right behind her.

“Lumos!”

There, tall and unwavering was Snape.

He marched up to her, but Y/N began to quickly walk away until he reached out and yanked her back by her shoulder with bone-crushing strength.

“Lay your hands off!” Sir Nick cut in.

Snape ignored him, “What did you say to her?!” His cheeks were tear-stained; eyes glowing with something dangerous and Y/N wanted to run. “She won’t even talk to me!”

Lily must’ve finally confronted him.

“Let go of her! Let go, let go!” Sir Nick chanted, wisping through Snape until he stumbled back.

Y/N turned around, and heard Snape mutter darkly, running off. A cold wave embalmed her as every hair on the back of her neck rose.

“Come with me now,” the ghost said. She didn’t need to be told twice.

The moment she stepped inside the common room, Y/N felt every bone in her body relax. Her footsteps were quiet and rounded into the main area when she saw everyone there. James and Lily were pacing back and forth. James tugged down on his hair; Peter was by Dorcas and Remus, Marlene looked deathly pale, the two Head Boy and Girls were there. Sirius sat in a chair, his arms cradling Toulouse as he nervously swallowed, face imprinted with distress.

Remus was the first to notice, his head snapping up once he sensed her presence. He stood, “Y/N!”

Everyone’s head snapped towards her. James shouted, running up to her. “Are you okay?” His hands went straight to her face and handled her like a doll. “My Godric! We were so worried — we were about to go and search for you!”

Sirius abruptly stood up; chair screeching, eyes wide but then quickly took a seat as everyone tossed him an odd look.

“I’m fine! I’m fine! I just missed dinner and wanted to get food!”

James tackled her into a hug and she almost dropped the plate of food.

Her eyes then travelled to Lily, who looked like she was on the verge of tears. Lily made a move to go up to her, hand slightly outstretched before stopping and quickly ran up the staircase. Everyone noticed but didn’t mention it. Then the Head Girl and Boy exited wordlessly.

Lily leaving fucking hurt.

“I heard from Headless Nick, how’s Mary?”

There was a collective sigh. Marlene got up, going over to her and pulled her into another hug and pulled back. Her usually smooth skin was now littered with furrowed lines. “She’s with Madam Pomfrey, I’m going to sneak into her room now. I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Should any of us come?” Peter interjected.

“No… I don’t think she even wants me there. It might overwhelm her.”

“Be safe,” Dorcas said, her eyes wide with worry. And then she left.

Y/N made her way to sit down, James practically glued himself onto her as she plopped down next to Sirius, but still far enough to avoid suspicion.

“I’m glad you’re alright,” Remus said. “When you didn’t show up for the study sessions and dinner we all… thought the worst.”

“Sorry…” Then her eyes wandered to the staircase, thinking about Lily again.

Dorcas stirred in her seat. “Don’t take Lily’s absence as offence. She was really worried.”

“She suggested we go out to find you,” Peter said. “Also had a nasty row with Snape in the courtyards too. Everyone saw it. What a bell end, Snape.”

“I think, for now, we all ought to start pairing up,” came Remus. A solemn noise of agreement went around. Nobody talked for a while and Y/N placed the large metal tray of food on the table, no longer having the appetite to eat.

James was the one who broke the silence. “Where were you?”

Sirius stopped petting Toulouse and listened carefully. “I was busy talking to McGonagall. Something about careers. Then I just got tired and ended up sleeping through dinner.”

It technically wasn’t a lie and everyone seemed to believe it.

The air was tense and James wouldn’t stop fretting. Ultimately, Dorcas began to talk to Peter, Remus had a pensive look before going to crack open his book but seemed tense. It was only until she felt Sirius nudge her foot. She shifted her head gradually to examine him.

‘You okay?’ He mouthed, searching for any kind of lie or injury. His eyes were still puffy but overall looked better.

She shook her head. ‘I’m okay, you?’

A nod.

His reaction earlier had new questions arising but she saved that for another time. Her eyes darted to the plate of food and then to him. ‘It’s for you.’

But then she peered up and saw Remus watching their interaction. He seemed to be deep in thought and took a large inhale. She swore his eyes flashed a golden glow. Worried he was catching on, she initiated a conversation. “Moony?” She teased.

When he wore a judicious look during times like these, Y/N is reminded just how smart and intimidating he could be. It was like he knew everything before anyone else did.

“Sorry — thinking ‘bout something. Anyway —”

While occupied with Remus, Sirius glanced shyly over to Y/N and bent over to take a treacle tart, biting into it. The gesture was so heartbreakingly touching to him; so unexpected coming from her.

Sirius was left in a transitional phase. A lot of the inner turmoil he held — or thought he had — was released today and he didn’t know how to feel about it. Whatever irritation he held towards Y/N vanished. He looked forward to their bickering, shy forehead kisses and the feeling he got that was the opposite of dread or disgust after being with someone.

It felt nice, doing something he truly wanted for once — not engaging in intimacy out of coping rather than genuine interest.

But then, it unleashed everything else he wasn’t ready to deal with yet. His reaction to touch earlier had set off a bomb buried so deep within him but Merlin — he hadn’t realized it would’ve affected him that much.

Truth be told, now all he wanted to do was ruin her to bits and pieces but he was getting too ahead of himself — becoming attached too quickly and he already felt himself disconnecting. The only thought that lapsed in his mind was: run, boy, run.

It echoed through his head again, love wasn’t — isn’t a magic potion, far from it. So what was he doing? He needed to make a decision; continue doing whatever they were doing, work on himself or run.

Running away is easy. It’s always been easy. But he was tired of it.

And after the intense fear that paralyzed him, that made his mouth go dry and heart pound in his chest when nobody could find her when she left — after knowing what happened to Mary; it almost caused Sirius to spike and go into a panic attack.

Sirius wasn’t afraid of many things. After all, he’d already gone through so much that there wasn’t much to be afraid of anymore. But if he had to choose, and it was at the forefront of his mind, it would’ve been her.

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

Y/N headed to bed early as Dorcas waited for Marlene to return to the common room. It left her alone with Lily.

It was already dark, aside from a small lit candle that seeped through the cracks of Lily’s bed drapes. She did her evening routine before slipping into bed, listening to Lily faintly scribble in her diary. Only when Y/N felt herself relax, she heard Lily get out of bed and drew closer to her.

“Y/N?” Her voice was apprehensive. Y/N’s back faced her. She pretended to be asleep. “Psst… hey?”

Lily sighed before she sat down on the edge of the bed and didn't move for a long time. When they heard footsteps coming to their dorm was when she rose and uttered, “I’m glad you’re alright…Gave me a bit of a fright there… I’m sorry.”

Lily rushed back to her bed, drawing her curtains together when Marlene and Dorcas entered.

Y/N finally exhaled heavily, balling her blankets tightly. A thousand words, questions and thoughts were left unsaid. But, when she knew everyone finally was asleep, she uttered out an inaudible, I’m sorry too, and shut her eyes.

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

Translations

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?

Do you want to sleep with me?

Nessuno dei miei amanti mi ha toccato così senza volere qualcosa in cambio. Non mi fai sentire usato e ne ho he terrorizza.

None of my lovers have touched me like this without wanting something in return. You don't make me feel used and I'm terrified (of it).

Il modo in cui mi fai sentire mi spaventa e non riesco a gestirlo. / Non sono ancora pronto.

The way you make me feel scares me and I can't handle it. / I'm not ready yet.

Mi sbagliavo su di te.

I was wrong about you.

[fruitquake]

realizations pt. 2

part one

read it on ao3

Regulus Black knows he doesn’t like girls. He wishes he did. It would make everything so much easier. But at some point, you have to accept that maybe you aren’t just a late bloomer. Maybe it isn’t just that you “haven’t found the right girl yet”. Maybe it’s just who you are.

Aside from knowing he definitely doesn’t like girls, though, it’s all very confusing. It seemed like a logical conclusion that if he doesn’t like girls, he must like boys.

But then, James Potter kissed him, and he’s pretty sure that if he were gay, it would’ve felt… special. Or it would’ve felt like anything at all. But rather, it felt exactly the same as kissing girls: uncomfortably and wetly smashing your mouths together. He didn’t say any of this to James. He didn’t say anything, actually, just left with what he knows was a terribly transparent excuse. Now, he’s in his room, sitting on the floor and staring out of the window at the few stars visible through the clouds.  

Is there something wrong with him? The question has been echoing in his mind since the kiss. Well, really, it’s been there long before, but he has managed to ignore it well enough before today. It was easy to push it to the back of his mind, and tell himself that he would figure it out eventually and it didn’t really matter.

But… He kissed James. James Potter, the guy who half the girls - and several guys - are utterly enamoured by. James Potter, who is objectively very handsome. And surely, if he were gay, kissing him would’ve felt… good? How is kissing supposed to feel? Regulus has tried it a few times by now, and it has never been the enjoyable experience that people make it out to be.

He is typing the words into google before he even registers having taken his phone out. Is kissing supposed to feel good?

Most of the search results are clinical, detached articles, explaining the biological and social reasons as to why humans like kissing. Until he stumbles upon a blog post on one of those ask-and-answer forums.

Anonymous: need advice!! my friends are constantly going on about their crushes and the people they’ve been with, how much they love kissing, all that stuff. and i just can’t relate at all. i’ve kissed a few boys, and once a girl too, and i don’t understand the hype at all? i’ve never really had a crush on anyone either, i think. all that kissing and dating and sex stuff just seem like a waste of time to me. is there something wrong with me? am i broken or something?

Regulus’s heart stutters as he reads the post through. He… relates to most of it. Is there something wrong with me? It’s the same question that’s been ringing loud and clear through his head since the kiss.

The comments are mostly stuff like “just wait til you’re older” and “you’ll get it when you meet the right person”, and Reg feels his stomach sink. Is that really it? He’s supposed to sit around and wait for “the right person” to come into his life and… fix him? He thinks about James again. James, who is kind and funny and one of his favourite people in the entire world. But kissing him didn’t feel right. It hasn’t felt right with anyone.

But then his eyes catch on another comment on the person’s post: you should look into the terms asexual and aromantic. i don’t think there’s anything wrong with you or that you are broken, but if you don’t have an interest in romance/sex it could be because you’re ace and/or aro.

Asexual and aromantic. Regulus googles both terms, spends hours reading through articles and blog posts and people sharing their experiences, and for the first time in his life he feels… seen. He hadn’t realized how lonely he felt, before discovering that he isn’t alone.

It’s a lot to take in. A lot of thoughts and questions and answers swirling in Regulus’s head. He really, really wants to talk to someone about all of this. But first of all, it’s 3 AM. Secondly, who?

James is… kinda the whole reason he’s having this sexuality crisis to begin with. He is certain he would’ve figured it out anyway at some point, but it’s thanks to James that he is up in the middle of the night, buried in research about his own identity. He doesn’t think he can talk to James about all this. At least not yet.

Then there’s Sirius. Regulus doesn’t know if he would understand. He feels some of that familiar loneliness creep up on him again. He and Sirius are finally close again. After years of division and hurt and pretending the other doesn’t exist, they have a relationship that’s actually good, and Regulus doesn’t want to ruin it. What if Sirius doesn’t understand or doesn’t accept him? He can’t lose his brother again. He doesn’t have anyone else.

Should he just… not tell anyone, then? Perhaps that is best, at least for now, he thinks. If no one knows, no one can judge him for it or tell him that it’s wrong or that his experiences aren’t real. He nods to himself, settling back into bed. It’s better if no one knows.

-

Regulus doesn’t get any sleep that night. Not that he really expected to. He spends the next day dozing off in class and avoiding James. Both are working out great for him until he starts awake, feeling a gentle hand on his shoulder.

He sits up straight on his chair and squints as he looks around. The classroom is empty, except for him and-

“Sorry, did I wake you?” James asks. He's standing beside Regulus’s desk, looking down at him with something like concern.

“S’fine,” Regulus mumbles, stifling a yawn.

James sits on top of the desk next to Regulus’s. “You look tired,” he says. “Are you okay?”

Regulus still doesn’t know how to react to people showing him genuine concern. It’s not something he’s really used to. “I’m fine,” he says, perhaps a bit too forcefully. He stands up, almost knocking over his chair in the process, and starts quickly packing up his things.

“Hey, uh,” James says, nervously messing up his hair in that way he does. “There’s something we should probably talk about.”

The kiss. Reg was desperately hoping James would pretend it never happened. He slings his bag over one shoulder and starts towards the door. “I’m sorta in a rush.”

James stands up. “Reg, please,” he says. “I… I really need to talk to you about it. Please.”

Regulus sighs, but stops in the doorway. “We don’t have to,” he says in an almost pleading tone, turning around to face James. “It doesn’t matter.”

“You don’t understand.” James looks at him with big doe eyes. “Reg, it matters to me.”

He regards James for a while, before nodding, signalling for him to say whatever it is he wants to say.

James takes a deep breath. “So, er… The thing about the kiss,” he begins, fidgeting nervously with the strap of his bag. “It sorta… made me realize something? About myself?”

Regulus has never seen him this nervous. He waits in silence for him to go on.

“Shit,” James mumbles, rubbing his face with his hands. “I feel like I’ve rehearsed this conversation all day, but now I just, like… Have no idea what to say.” He takes another deep breath. “Screw it, I’m just gonna say it, okay? I really fucking liked that kiss and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it and also I’m bisexual.” It comes out as a quick string of words with no pause for James to breathe - or for Reg to interrupt him.

James looks at him; nervous, expectant, awaiting. But Regulus really doesn’t know what to say. He feels a tight knot in his stomach. “Oh,” he finally manages.

“Ah, shit,” James says frantically. “That’s right, there was something else I was gonna say, something important. I, er… I completely get it if you don’t feel the same way. I don’t want this to ruin our friendship, because I really care about you and I don’t wanna lose you. I just… really needed to get this off my chest.”

He sounds so genuine. Of course he does, Reg thinks and feels stupid. When has James ever been anything but genuine, honest and loyal? When has he ever judged Reg or turned his back on him for anything? James knows him better than he allows most people to, and if there’s anyone Reg can talk to about this, it’s him.

“There’s something I need to get off my chest too,” Regulus says quietly.

James’s eyes widen. “Oh? What is it?”

Reg sets down his bag and goes to sit by the desk opposite James. He doesn’t look at him as he starts talking. “I’m aroace. I don’t experience… that kind of attraction. Romantic or sexual. It’s… not exactly that the kiss made me realize it. Or maybe it did. But I kinda already knew. I just… wasn’t ready to admit it to myself, I suppose? Also I didn’t really know the word for it. But… yeah, that’s who I am and I can’t do anything to change that, just as you can’t change the fact that you’re bi, so… I hope you won’t hate me now.”

When James stays quiet, Regulus forces himself to look up. James is looking at him with an unreadable expression, and Reg’s stomach drops. This was a terrible idea. He should’ve known he couldn’t tell anyone. He has ruined everything. James opens his mouth but before he can say anything, Reg has pushed out his chair and is walking toward the door with swift steps.

“Nevermind,” he says, ignoring the stinging of tears in his eyes.

“Reg, wait!”

“Forget everything I just said.”

-

James finds him rather quickly, at the area behind the school that’s nearly hidden with shrubs. It’s where he comes when he needs to be alone, and he knows it’s also where Sirius comes to smoke.

Regulus is sitting on the ground with his back against a tree trunk, not caring if his clothes get dirty. James sits down about a meter away from him, but doesn’t speak, so Regulus is the one to break the silence:

“Are you upset because of my sexuality or because I don’t have feelings for you?” he asks. His voice is harsher than he meant it to be, but at least it’s not shaking.

James draws in a sharp breath, turning to face him. “I’m not upset at all!” he exclaims. “What on earth gave you that idea?”

He’s… not upset? Regulus clears his throat. “Well,” he mumbles. “You didn’t say anything.”

“I’m sorry,” James says earnestly. “I didn’t really know what to say. And you didn’t exactly give me a lot of time to think before you stormed off.”

Now Reg feels like he’s the one who should apologize. He doesn’t, though. Just stares straight ahead at the shrubs surrounding them.

“I’m really sorry I made you feel this way, Reg,” James says softly. “I promise I’m not upset. I care about you. A lot. And I, er… I may not know that much about this stuff, but I’m gonna do research on it so I can support you the best I can, because I care about-” He cuts himself off. “No, wait, I already said that part,” he mumbles, laughing nervously.

Reg smiles at him. “You hate doing research,” he says. “You avoid it like the plague.”

James laughs again. “Shut up, you wanker,” he says, shoving him gently. “This is different!”

He scoots a bit closer, putting his hand on Regulus’s shoulder. “But really,” he says, his tone more serious now. “I support you one hundred percent. You’ll always be family to me. So if you want, we can just forget all about that kiss.”

“But…” Reg looks up at him. “The kiss did mean something to you, didn’t it?”

James considers this for a moment. “I mean… it was a good kiss. And it did sorta… force me to come to terms with my sexuality. But what really means something to me is you, Reg, and our friendship. I don’t wanna lose that, ever. So… do I maybe have a teeny tiny crush on you? Yeah, I think I might, but it’s honestly no big deal. It won’t change anything between us, I promise.”

He holds out his pinky finger, and it takes Regulus several moments to realize what he’s doing. He holds up his own pinky and laces it with James’s.

“I just realized, I’m kind of an asshole,” he says after a bit. “I practically dismissed your coming out because I was so worried about my own.”

“Oh.” James chuckles. “Mate, don’t worry about it. I completely understand.”

“If you want, you can tell me again and I will try to react better,” Reg offers.

James shakes his head, amused. “I… alright,” he says, grinning. “Regulus?”

“Yes?”

“I’m bisexual.”

Reg smiles at him. “Oh, okay!” he says, acting as though it’s the first he’s hearing of this. “That’s lovely. I’m very happy for you. And… obviously, I support you, and I care about you a lot, too.”

James’s grin grows wider. “Thank you,” he says.

They sit quietly for a while, before James speaks again:

“Do you wanna come over today? Mum is making pancakes for dessert. And we can play Mario Kart.”

Regulus groans, but can’t quite suppress a smile. “Ugh, I don’t wanna play Mario Kart against you. You always win. I swear you’re cheating, somehow.”

“How would I cheat at Mario Kart?” James asks with a laugh.

Reg shrugs, crossing his arms. “I don’t know, but I don’t wanna play with you either way.”

“Okay, well… You can play against Sirius? Or you two can team up and try to beat me together,” James suggests, nudging his shoulder. “Come on, it’ll be fun. And pancakes.”

“Fine,” Reg says, as if he wasn’t going to say yes from the beginning. “But only because of the pancakes.”

James nods solemnly. “That’s fair,” he says, and Reg tries not to smile like an idiot, but it’s hard not to because at least for now, all of the worries and doubts swirling in his chest have been driven away by a warm, relieved feeling.

“James?” he says.

“Yeah?”

He doesn’t actually know what to say, so he just wraps his arms around James and pulls him into a hug. James hugs him back tightly, and Regulus feels incredibly lucky to have a friend like him.

[corinnesamuels]

Guarding the Gates, Chapter 10: A Question of Legacy

Cover art by the amazing @the-dream-team!

“I’m surprised you came.” Regulus says as he turns back to observe the ducks. 

“I am too.” Sirius replies. “Though, if you could get on with it, I do have things to do today.” Sirius hates how easily his voice slips back into the cadence his family had beaten into him growing up but sounding like a detached aristocrat was usually the best course of action for conversations like these. 

Regulus hums lightly. “Carrying out Dumbledore’s bidding, I presume?”

Sirius rolls his eyes in exasperation. “What is it you called me here for? It isn’t to kill me because we both know you don’t have the stomach for that. Did your master want to send a message, then?”

Regulus gives an incredulous laugh as he turns to face his brother fully. “You think you’re important enough to receive a message from the Dark Lord?”

“Surely, I’ve taken down enough of his followers to have caught his attention by now.” Sirius makes a show of idly scanning the crossword.

“Enough for him to wonder why you’re turning your back on the people of our birth and the legacy of our house, perhaps.” Regulus brushes an invisible piece of lint from his sleeve. “But no, I’m here on my own accord.”

“And the purpose is?”

“My purpose is to discover why you always insist on playing for the losing side.” Regulus says. It surprises Sirius to realize how well he still knows his brother. He recognized the slight hitch in his voice. Others may have thought Regulus was taunting him, but it isn’t a taunt in his voice. It’s concern.

“Don’t tell me you’re worried about me? Mother and father will be apoplectic when they find out.” 

“Yes, because you have shunned everything they wanted for you!” Regulus grips the back of the bench tightly before dropping his head in frustration.

“What they wanted for me? Pureblood fanaticism, inbreeding, and a penchant for dark magic? I’ll pass on that if you don’t mind.” Sirius tucks his newspaper into his jacket pocket and begins to stand. “Well, if that’s all—”

“Legacy, Sirius.” Regulus cuts in through bared teeth. “Does that mean nothing to you?”

“What in our legacy do we have to be proud of, Regulus?” Sirius barks out. “The only things worth mentioning are things our parents despise. I only learned those things  because  they despised them.”

“Our parents wanted so much for you.” Regulus shakes his head in exasperation. “The named you after the brightest star in the night sky—”

“Here we go again with this bollocks—”

“They placed their hopes for our family’s legacy on you. And you have treated it with scorn since the very beginning.” Regulus says. “And spending all of your time with Potter has only made it worse.”

“I treated it with scorn because that’s what any decent person would have done, Regulus. I’d tell you to try it sometime, but you love taking up the mantle I left behind, don’t you?” Sirius says it sarcastically, but something clicks in his mind as soon as the words leave his mouth. He whips his head back to Regulus. “You don’t.” 

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” Regulus says dismissively, but Sirius knows better.

“Mummy and Daddy’s expectations are weighing on you more than you’d care to admit.” Sirius says as he walks closer to his brother. “Their hopes and dreams suddenly feel like burdens to you, too, don’t they?”

Regulus doesn’t answer. He just stares across the park as a means of avoiding eye contact with Sirius. Sirius takes a deep breath and takes another step closer.

“You don’t have to fight for him just because they tell you to.” he says. 

“What, you want me to come to the losing side? You want me to believe that your friends will welcome a Death Eater into the ranks?” Regulus shakes his head and laughs in disbelief.

“Who said we’re losing?”

“The people that keep deciding the terms of the fighting.”

The two brothers stared at each other defiantly, though neither of them knew quite why. It was a posture they had adopted once Sirius had moved out at 16, one that made little sense then and made even less now.

“It seems as if we disagree on who is losing.” Sirius says before giving Regulus a questioning glance. “Is that the only reason you joined them, then? Self-preservation and our parents’ expectations?”

“I couldn’t care less about power, Sirius.” Regulus waves a hand dismissively at the thought. “What else is there besides self-preservation and our family’s legacy?”

“Deciding to do the right thing.”

“The concepts of right and wrong always were so black and white with you. Until the day you found yourself in the grey area.”

Sirius clenches his fist and just barely refrains from punching Regulus, though he desperately wants to. “We have a chance to make sure our family’s legacy includes being on the right side of this.” He says through gritted teeth before sighing and running a hand roughly over his mouth. “Look, Reg, come with me to Dumbledore. He can keep you protected, and you can see what life is like when you aren’t being forced into things you know are bollocks. You don’t have to keep doing our parents’ bidding.”

“You’re willing to die behind this…this folly?” Regulus asks quietly. 

“Yes.” Sirius says simply. For a moment, he thinks he may have won Regulus over. But then he sees his brother’s eyes glaze over into the aloof unbotheredness that was the Black family’s emotional default—when they weren’t deranged and sadistic like Bellatrix or Walburga. 

They stand there for a while in silence before Regulus takes a step backward.

“Be careful, Brother.” Regulus says. Sirius shakes his head and begins to stalk away when Regulus calls out to him. “I’m surprised you haven’t changed your last name to ‘Potter’ considering how much you’ve taken to acting like them.”

Sirius stops to turn to Regulus once more and laughs in spite of himself. “And miss out on the opportunity to piss off Mother and Father by dragging the family name through the mud? Never.”

   The War was becoming more tense by the day. There were more Death Eater attacks of muggle villages, more disappearances, more suspicions of Ministry officials being under the Imperius Curse. The Order of the Phoenix was often tired, and there had been several close calls, but their resolve remained. 

Despite the dark cloud hovering over the wizarding world, or maybe because of it, many young couples were cutting their engagements short, choosing to get married quickly because they saw every day just how short life could be. People the Marauders, Lily, Dorcas, Marlene, and Mary knew from school joined in the fray. Henry MacMillan and Aurora Gade married just two months after getting engaged. Penelope Parkin and Ian Abbot married after just two months of dating. So it wasn’t much of a surprise when Alice and Frank announced after an Order meeting that they would be doing the same. They’d held hands while making the announcement, exchanging looks that were equal parts adoring, frightened, and resolved. It was new for many of the Order to see them like that. It was no secret that the two had been dating, and in the rare instances when they all gathered to let down their collective hair, the couple looked as smitten and loving any other young couple looked. But in Order meetings, they were fighters, Aurors on a secret mission flying below the Ministry’s radar. To see them this way was a rare glimpse of their private selves, the ones they reserved only for each other.

When Dorcas made a statement about it being swoon-worthy a little too casually, Lily knew her friend was refraining from letting her eyes drift over to Remus Lupin. Lily couldn’t really say for sure, though, because she had been too busy trying not to let hers drift over to the man standing next to him. Lily was happy for Frank and Alice, and she loved that they had found love in each other in ways that worked for them. A part of her wishes she felt that it was something she could have for herself, but how could she risk that now? As a muggle-born? As a member of a resistance group operating outside the confines of the law? As someone who had seen how love can be used to break people in ways that still haunt her nightmares?

Read the rest at ao3!

Start from the beginning

[omgrachwrites]

Tell a Tale of You and Me - Chapter Fifteen

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader

Summary: You knew that making a bet with Sirius Black was like making a deal with the devil but you just couldn’t help yourself. You had never been a heavenly woman.

Warnings: mentions of sex, fluff, angst

Words: 2263

Disclaimer: These gifs don’t belong to me!

A/N: I would say that I’m sorry for the angst but I’m not 😂 I hope you guys enjoy this part, please let me know what you think and if you would like to be tagged! I love you all! xxx

Chapter Fifteen

Y/N’s musical laughter filled Sirius’ ears as he pulled her down the corridor in the dead of night, they were using James’ invisibility cloak – with his permission of course – Sirius smiled at the sound of her laugh, it was quickly becoming his favourite sound. They had been seeing each other for a few weeks now and Sirius was so scared that it would end soon so they agreed to take risks together. The couple didn’t want to regret the time that they could have been spending together.

What alarmed Sirius was the fact that he didn’t even feel bad for his brother, even though Sirius was essentially sneaking around with Regulus’ future wife. Sirius had gotten so used to holding her in his arms as the morning light shined through the sheer linen curtains of the boy’s dormitory.

“I can’t believe Remus gave us the key to the Prefect’s bathroom!” she giggled, whispering excitedly into his ear.

“I think that he’s just tired of us having sex in the dormitories all the time,” he chuckled and turned his head to kiss Y/N’s lips. He smiled as he tasted her strawberry lip balm.

Finally, they reached the Prefect’s bathroom without getting into any incidents, well, they had narrowly avoided Peeves who was singing and cackling maniacally to himself. Sirius had to cover Y/N’s mouth to stifle her nervous laughter. Y/N gasped in awe as they stepped into the cathedral sized room and she began taking off her clothes.

Sirius sighed happily as he watched her, she was a vision, beautiful to behold and Sirius would be happy if she walked around naked 24/7. Y/N smirked as she caught his eye and removed her clothes even slower as she raised an eyebrow at him, she didn’t seem the least bit shy, “you’d better get that bath filled, lover boy.”

Sirius chuckled, shaking his head and licking his bottom lip as he carded a hand through his tangled hair, “but, why would I do that when I can spend my time gazing at you, angel?” he winked and was pleased when Y/N’s cheeks flushed and she rolled her eyes. As Sirius began to fill the huge bath with hot water he made sure to fill it with the multi coloured bubbles that he knew Y/N would simply love to see.

When the bath was half full, Sirius helped Y/N down the slippery steps, “oh what a gentleman!” Y/N cooed jokingly as she rewarded him with a kiss, and she looked him up and down appreciatively, enough to make Sirius flush.

“Only for you my darling,” he smiled and sighed happily as the hot water enveloped him and he watched his girl swim a couple of lengths before she swam up to him, splashing him lightly. He grinned as she settled herself in his lap and kissed him so gently that it was just a whisper of a kiss.

Their love making during the past few weeks had been quick and passionate, like they didn’t have enough time together. However, this time it was different, it was like they had all the time in the world to explore and caress each other’s bodies. It was loving and slow, and perfect, Sirius wished that it could always be like this.

Y/N huffed out a happy sigh as she smiled at him as her fingers trailed across his hollowed cheekbones and over his plump lips, it was like she was trying to remember every inch of his body. One of her hands was in his hair and the other one was running down his neck, soft fingers running over that circular scar on his collarbone. He had received that when his dear mother had decided to use him as an ash tray.

Y/N was gazing at him with such beautiful intensity that it almost made Sirius shy away from her, “Merlin,” she breathed, “you are so breath taking, you’re so beautiful Sirius.”

Sirius shivered and almost gasped at her words, whenever they were together he felt so loved. He hid his blushing face in her neck, kissing the skin he found there, “Y/N, I,” he swallowed, he couldn’t quite articulate what he was trying to say but he didn’t need to.

“I know sweetheart, I know,” she cooed in his ear as she held him close. In that moment, they both knew that words didn’t have to be spoken. No words could ever articulate what they felt.

The following day, Sirius was in Defence against the Dark Arts, nervously fiddling with his fingers as he stood next to James. They would be reviewing the spell needed to get rid of a Boggart and to make things worse, they’d be performing it in front of the whole class. A Boggart would take the form of whatever the victim was afraid of and the spell transformed it into something funny.

Sirius knew what form his Boggart would take – his mother – but now there was a new fear and he was terrified that the Boggart would take that shape instead. He pushed the fear right into the back of his mind and he hoped that it would stay there. Unfortunately, Sirius was the first of his classmates to perform the spell and he stepped up to face his Boggart.

Thankfully – he never thought he would be thankful - the Boggart turned into his mother and as she reached a clawed hand out towards his face, Sirius raised his wand. Before he could utter the spell, his Boggart transformed with a crack. Sirius’ mouth went dry as he fought the urge to cry.

It was a woman, in a gorgeous champagne coloured wedding dress with a snow white veil cascading from her elegantly styled hair. Even though the shape of the woman had her back to him, Sirius knew that it was supposed to be Y/N. The shape was the same height as her and it had the same hair colour. Blood rushed and pounded in his ears, and he forgot why he was there.

The Boggart began stepping backwards in jerky motions, like something from a muggle horror film. Someone – it sounded like James – cleared their throat and he remembered what he was meant to be doing.

“Riddikulus!” he shouted in a shaky voice and the shape suddenly stumbled on its wedding dress before it fell over and the next person stepped forward to tackle their Boggart.

Sirius scurried to the back of the classroom, not daring to look at Y/N. He stood in silence as he watched his friends face their Boggarts with much more grace than Sirius had. He still couldn’t believe that James was scared of mermaids. Sirius tried to ignore all the strange looks that his classmates were giving him but it was easier said than done. Especially when people looked sorry for him.

At the end of the lesson, the Professor gave Sirius a worried look – which he ignored – as she dismissed the class. He managed to quickly escape from the room with his friends before Y/N could corner him. There was deafening silence as the marauders walked down the corridor but out of the corner of his eye, Sirius could see Remus glancing at him every so often.

“So,” Remus started delicately, “that Boggart was wild, I’ve never seen one shift like that before. I’m really sorry Sirius.”

Sirius shrugged as he stuffed his hands into his pockets, “it wasn’t just a Boggart though was it?” he mumbled, he hated to be such a downer but maybe he would feel better when his feelings were all out in the open, “in a few months, she’ll actually be getting married. To my baby brother, and I don’t think that I’ll be able to go,” he was beginning to panic but James and Remus nodded understandingly.

However, Peter’s face twisted and he looked very confused, “but Regulus is your brother! Won’t you regret it if you refuse to go to his wedding?”

Sirius knew that he meant well but it was so hard to hear right now, he scowled over at his friend as they entered The Great Hall, “no. I don’t have to go, not when he’s getting married to the girl I care about, and besides, my mother will be there,” he chuckled trying to lighten the mood.

Though, his words would surely betray him and he’d probably end up going, to support Y/N. No matter how bad it would make him feel, he had promised that he’d be there for her.

—————

All the way through dinner that evening, Sirius refused to look at you, let alone talk to you – it was like you were right back to square one – even though Peter was the only person who separated the two of you. You knew exactly why Sirius refused to interact with you, he didn’t want to see the blatant sympathy in your eyes after what you – and half of your classmates – had witnessed earlier that day.

However, you weren’t going to give him sympathy, for one you knew how much he hated it and second, what he feared was going to come to pass, it wasn’t going to be just an irrational fear of his, it was real. It was going to happen, no matter how much it hurt the two of you. You didn’t want to give him the sympathy he hated, you wanted to give him the affection he craved, you wanted to talk to the beautiful young man.

You wanted to be real with him and tell him how much he meant to you. Until you could tell him all of that you knew that your heart would hurt.

Peter stood up to talk to one of his other friends so you took your chance and held Sirius’ bigger hand under the table, squeezing it gently. Still, he didn’t even grace you with a look but when you glanced at his profile you thought that you saw a flicker of a smile. You grinned to yourself as you played with your food, he was still holding your hand.

About ten minutes later, James kissed Lily goodbye and the boys stood from the table. Sirius slowly let go of your hand and walked right out of the hall without so much as a backwards glance. You sighed sadly as you watched his retreating back and Lily gave you a worried look.

“Is everything okay between you two?” she asked gently as her soft fingers fiddled with the ends of your hair.

You smiled at your best friend as you shook your head, you didn’t want to lie to her, “not really but I’m working on it,” you just hoped that he’d listen.

When you had decided that you had given your lover his space, you swallowed back your nerves as you crossed the common room where he was talking with the boys. They all laughed as they finalised the plans for their latest prank and you took a deep breath as you gathered your courage.

“Sirius, can I please talk to you?” you started and he looked up at you, his pretty grey eyes were wide, he looked like a lost little boy. You were sure that he was going to say no, “it’s important,” you added and he nodded, though a muscle fluttered in his jaw.

“Sure,” he shrugged and led you up to the boy’s dormitory. You perched on the end of his bed, trying to figure out how to start the conversation but before you could even open your mouth, he was talking, “don’t feel sorry for me Y/N, if that’s what this is then I don’t want to know.”

You bit into your bottom lip as you considered his words, “I just want to know why your Boggart changed, I didn’t even know it could do that,” you wrapped your arms around yourself and Sirius rolled his eyes though he didn’t look angry, he just looked scared. He looked so scared.

“Oh, I don’t know Y/N, maybe it’s got something to do with the fact that I’m so scared about you getting married to my brother. Merlin, Y/N!” he snapped and you winced at his words, causing him to sigh and cup your cheek, moving closer to you on the comfortable bed, “no, I’m sorry darling. None of this is your fault. I’m so terrified to lose you because I know it’s only a matter of time. Wherever you go, you’ll always have my heart, forever. But I can never have yours. I never expected to feel this strongly about you” his eyes dropped to his hands.

His words broke your heart and you gently tilted his chin so he could look up at you. There were so many emotions swimming in his eyes, guilt, vulnerability and sadness, “oh sweetheart,” you stroked his hair, “don’t you see? If I hold your heart then you’ll never lose me, I might be getting married to Regulus, but it’s you who I really want. Sirius, I-“you began but trailed off as his face grew angry and he shook his head.

“No, Y/N don’t! Don’t you dare say it,” he huffed, his eyes growing glassy, “please don’t say it. I don’t want to hear you say because I know that I can’t keep you.”

You wished that he would let you say it, you leaned forward to kiss him so passionately that he’d remember it in years to come, he’d remember it when he was grew and old, “okay, I won’t say it. But that will never change how I feel. It’s you Sirius. It will always be you.”

@approved-by-dentists @thefuturelawyer @a-miserable-hufflepunk @firelordmillie @seriouslysiriuss @sleep-i-ness @play-morezeppelin @pregnant-piggy @sleepingalaska @smiithys @blisfvll @rexorangecouny @findzelda @wangmangagavroche @the-moon-and-the-book @hxrgreeves @ghostofstudentspast @they-write-once-in-a-blue-moon @my-unique-mind @im-an-angel-of-the-lord-you-ass @acciovisio @obsessedwithrandomthings @kashishwrites @fific7 @blackbirddaredevil23 @siriusblackspam

[anemonenemerosa]

The Spare- Chapter 9

Hello fellow people,

here’s the next one. Thank you for staying with me and thank you @lumosinlove for creating this world =)

This is still dark so please stay safe.

Chapter 9

Reality returned with a bolt of pain in Regulus' leg and a clatter in front of him. Some guy who looked like a maintenance-man stumbled over the mop he just dropped while hurrying over, turning off the shower and kneeling down beside him in the puddle of water, soap and blood. Regulus heard the man speaking but the sounds didn't connect to words in his brain.

He was still sobbing violently as he watched the shard being carefully pulled from his leg and replaced by a cloth that got pressed on the cut.

Eyes wide, Regulus just stared at the man in front of him. He was pale and slender, much more delicate than himself, probably in his mid-twenties. A lot of light brown hair was piled in a messy bun with a severe side cut on his left and there were tattoos. Lots of them covering on both of his arms from his wrists to the sleeves of his worn-out sweater, bunched up to the elbows.

Je jerked as he felt a soft tap on his cheek and looked the man in the face for the first time: His nose was straight with a ring in the right side and he is gnawing on his thin lips. The look in his green-hazel eyes lacked the calculation, malice and sneer Regulus was used to. There was just concern. Concern about Regulus, having a complete meltdown in the shower.

As Hays, it said on the tag on his chest, carefully wrapped his arms around him, mumbling soothing nonsense and just holding him like no one held him in years, he dissolved in another fit of sobs. And Regulus hated it. He hated that his, normally strong, control of his emotions failed him completely in front of this stranger. Embarrassment burned in his cheeks while he couldn't stop sobbing and crying into the other man’s shoulder.

After minutes, hours or years -who knows- his sobs faded into ragged breathing and Hayes tried to disentangle himself from the death-grip around the other one´s chest. Regulus did not even remember putting his arms there. He was still deeply embarrassed but also unable to let go of this source of warmth and comfort, so he only grabbed him tighter, forcing a huff out of Hayes lungs.

"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere, just let me have another look at your leg"

Regulus started crying again, hearing only what he supposed was genuine concern and kindness in the other man´s voice. Slowly, he lightened his grip.

"Hi Regulus, I'm Ben", Hayes said while carefully lifting the cloth to inspect the wound. The bleeding mostly stopped and the cut looked rather nasty. Brilliant. His sacrasm resurfacing, Regulus felt better already but his eyes narrowed immediately as he realised that Hayes knew his name.

He opened his mouth.

"You are an NHL-player, mate. There is a gargantuan poster of you with your name on it in the entrance-hall I just happen to clean every other day." Hayes -Ben- supplied dryly before Regulus had worked anything out of his sore throat.

"As this does not seem to be a regular hobby of yours, I will not ask if you alright because you are clearly not" Regulus snorted at the deadpan expression and tone.

"I should get you to the hospital. Someone should have a look at this." Ben continued, nodding at Regulus' still slightly bleeding leg.

Hell, no! Horror surged through Regulus and tied a firm knot in his stomach as he frantically shook his head. His parents mustn't find out how weak he was.

Ben eyed him thoughtfully while gnawing on his lip, got up to retrieve his phone from his pocket and Regulus felt his eyes widen in panic.

 Merde! He's going to take a picture...that's it. I'm done for.

But Ben just pressed a reassuring hand to his shoulder as he dialled a number and put the phone to his ear. Regulus was silently freaking out and dreading the consequences of his emotional outburst but after a calm conversation to someone in, what Regulus thought might be Spanish, Ben tied the cloth on Regulus leg and gently pulled him to his feet.

Oh sainte, he is so tiny. Regulus could easily look over the other man’s head.

"You think you can manage to dry-off a bit and put some clothes on while I clean up the blood?"

Regulus stared.

Only then he realised that he was stark naked and that he was just as naked as he held this stranger in a death-grip... While crying on his shoulder... Sitting in a shower... Wouldn't it be for the new wave of embarrassment burning through his guts, Regulus would marvel at the hilarity of the situation. Instead, he silently nodded and limped to his stall.

He felt dizzy, his head bursting and empty at the same time. Even simple coherent thoughts seemed to slip from his grasp. He was tired and a numb version of sadness settled in his stomach. Head pounding and feeling sick, Regulus had neither energy nor capacity to think what to do about it all. He just sat there.

Ben joined him some undefined amount of time later, sat down beside him and, again, put a hand on his shoulder. Regulus couldn't help the flinch in automatic expectation of punishment. As no such thing followed, he relaxed a bit.

"If you want, I can drive you home." Ben offers and Regulus vaguely realises that he has no such place and he tells Ben so.

"Earlier on the phone, I talked to my boyfriend. Mateo is an EMP." Ben explained calmly after a moment of silence. Regulus notices Ben speaking so casually about having a boyfriend is very unlike everything he has ever known but has no energy to mull that over.

"He wants you to get your leg checked. His shift ends in about an hour and he wants you to remember that, if you come over, he is not allowed to tell anyone why you are in the hospital. You are over eighteen so even your parents have no right to know what happens there."

Regulus stared at him warily, only just comprehending what the other man talked about. Someone had replaced his with cotton wool.

"If you want, we can manage to get you into an examination room through the backdoor, so you do not have to sit in the waiting area, being recognised and stared at."

He looks into the open and friendly eyes of Ben, the encouraging smile on his face, and just nods. It was probably about eleven in the evening by now and he was sure that the Malfoys were too busy celebrating the harm he caused his brother to even realise he’s not there. They barely did on normal days. Ever since moving there, Regulus made it a habit of remaining silent and invisible in the house.

                                                     oOo

They arrived at some dodgy delivery entrance. While Ben guided him quietly through the Kitchen or something, the wheels Regulus brain slowly began to turn again.

 Why did I step into the car with that guy? Shouldn’t I have learned by now, that trusting people is a horrible idea? Where the actual hell are we even going?

But whatever Regulus anticipated, he did not expect to just be sat in an examination room to fill out some forms in peace and wait for an endless amount of time until a man entered the room.

Dr. M. Alves it said on his tag and Regulus vaguely suspected that this must be Mateo. The fog in his brain had started to properly clear up a while ago and he assumed that he could think clear again.

The man in front of him seemed a few years older than Ben and smiled professionally but there was also a genuine warmth in his dark brown eyes and wide face as Regulus stands up to shake his hand. While generally broader than Ben, the man was even shorter, his black, slightly shaggy hair only reaching up to Regulus' upper lip. All these tiny people...

                                                     oOo

"Regulus, you are just the tiniest little baby brother!"

"Sirius, get a grip. I'm eighteen and actually 6'2." Regulus huffed exasperatedly. Sirius was six years older. How was Regulus the mature one?

"But I am bigger."  Sirius sing-songed.

"It is just an inch!" - "Still."

Regulus felt a fresh pang of guilt at the memory of what seemed the last of the very few careless conversations they had after his brother was drafted, shortly before his own draft.

                                                      oOo

"Regulus," Dr. Alves said, the warmth not leaving his eyes. The artificial light made is dark tanned skin look a bit queasy and accentuated the bags under his eyes.

"Ben called me and explained to me how he found you" Regulus grimaced at the memory. Dr. Alves seemed to notice and continued gentler, if that was even possible

"First, I want to check your leg and then we see how to proceed from there, OK?" Regulus just nodded and pulled down his sweatpants before he sat down on the examination table, realising that he forgot his underwear in the locker room.

Alves did not bat an eye. His, now gloved, hands carefully removed the blood-stained cloth and softly prodded the cut, eliciting painful twitches from Regulus' leg.

"The cut was caused by a glass shard?" The doctor asked and continued after a curt nod from Regulus.

"I need to make sure there is no glass left." He mentioned for Regulus to get up and ushered him into a second room. Luckily, he checked the cut for glass with an ultrasonic device, as two little chips were still in the wound and needed to be fumbled out with a pair terrifyingly long tweezers. Splendid.

Back in the examination-room, Alves began tapping his nose with his finger while staring blindly at Regulus leg. He looked up into Regulus' face and seemed to recognise the insecurity there as he smiled again his warm smile.

"You play hockey, so we need to think of the best method to close the cut", he explained. "Regular stitches might pull to much during strain but glue will most likely come loose with too much movement." He looked up again, expectantly, but as Regulus had no idea what the doctor wanted to hear he just shrugged noncommittingly.

"I think the best option are butterfly-stitches that you can replace by yourself when they come loose." After tending the cut and showing Regulus how to correctly disinfect the area and replace the stitches, he sat down across from him.

"Now," he began carefully, "it is time to tell me what happened." As Regulus' face shut-off instantly, he continued "I am not allowed to tell any soul about what you tell me in here."

Regulus only looked at his feet, not sure what to do with the second person this night to seem to care for his wellbeing. Not to get him back on ice quicker, not to gain useful information... only for the sake of him feeling better. But could he really trust him? He trusted other people before. People he thought he knew. And look how well that worked.

But this guy was not allowed to talk and breaking medical confidentiality would have very bad consequences for him. Unlike Slughorn, no one would protect him. So maybe, just maybe he could risk it. Also, there was no one here... not his cousins, not his parents. That was what he had hoped for since Thanksgiving. He was sitting in front of an uninvolved human being offering to help.

And for the second time this night, his eyes welled up. For the second time this night, he was embarrassed for his feelings. For the second time this night, he hated his lack of control. For the second time this night, he cried into the shoulder of a stranger, overwhelmed by the thought that this is how care feels, how his family was supposed to treat him.  

For the first time in his life, he spilled out all his carefully guarded feelings. And spilling, he did. Once he started, everything came out in a flood. He talked about his brother, his abuse and loneliness. The expectations of his parents and the shame he felt for how he treated his brother in his pathetic attempts to escape Sirius' success pressing down on him. He talked about his wish to please his parents, the abandonment and loneliness he felt himself, the envy and desperate longing for support and affection and his feelings of being undeserving.

Before he came to the part of how he accidentally outed his brother, he could stop himself. Mateo was a queer, too and might take this rather personally. Regulus could not deal with more people hating him right now.

Although he felt a bit bad for keeping quiet about the incident that had finally sent him off-kilter, he couldn't remember the last time he was so relieved, so at ease.

With the words "My shift ends now so I close up. Ben waits somewhere outside." still in his ear, Regulus stepped outside in the night, breathed the fresh air and had no idea what to do with himself. He checked his phone: No messages, so no one noticed his absence.

This thought elicited both elation and disappointment in him but before he could really think of it, Ben rounded the corner of the building with Dr. Alves in tow, both smiling at him.

"I know that sounds like a weird offer from strangers but if you want, we can take you with us to stay at our couch for the night." Dr. Alves offers still smiling warmly. This smile stared to unsettle Regulus a little. How can anyone be that friendly all the time? Where is the catch?

"No, thank you Dr. Alves." After a second, he added, considering his previous meltdown in the arms the two guys, looking at him expectantly. "That would be inappropriate."

"I am not at work anymore, so its Mateo. I am not than old" Dr. Alves countered cheerfully, completely oblivious to what Regulus had actually just said.

"You are known enough for someone to notice you missing eventually, so you don't have to fear us murdering you and selling your organs." Ben chimed in with a failed attempt of a joke.

How very wrong you are... Regulus thought, considering the lack of messages on his phone.  

Now that he's calmed down again, he began to take in just how ridiculous his situation really was. These weirdly empathetic people didn't know him at all but offered him to stay on their couch?

Well admittedly, Mateo probably knew him very well now but Regulus was not in the mood for rational consideration. Who does that? What is the goddamn catch? What did he have, that they want?

Again, they seemed to sense something was going on in his brain. Regulus had always prided himself with his poker face. He could fool anyone. Or, so he thought. Are they like, psychic... or did I lose all my, composure over the night? He couldn't afford to be read like an open book when he got back to his life.

The older men exchanged a look.

"We just try to give you a place to stay for the night as you don't seem too inclined to go to your usual place now." Regulus was impressed by how Dr. Alves -Mateo - avoided the word 'home' after all he heard and, in addition to so much tact, still tried to comfort him well past his shift. That is devotion.

Then, Regulus recognised the looks on their faces for what they were and felt cold again. He found the catch.

"No, thank you. I do not need your pity. Please find someone else to rescue and elate your conscience or what-ever you try to achieve with that."

What happened next was not what Regulus expected. He expected them to look blank, caught maybe or calculating. He did not expect the hurt in both faces, Bens expression quickly turning into anger.

"Now listen up you little shit!" he spat. "What I saw this evening was a desperate and very hurt young man sitting alone in a shower, crying and shoving a shard in his own leg! Of course, I am concerned, of course I try to help you out, it is the decent thing to do."

"Ben –" Mateo tried calmly. "No, Matty, that’s going too far! I know nothing about your upbringing, Regulus and Matty is not allowed to tell me anything but we are trying to help you! Yes, there is pity, and yes, we would both feel better if we knew you stayed at a safe place this night. But do not dare to accuse us of any ulterior motifs or calculation behind that, except giving warmth to someone who seems to desperately need it! So, get a grip, you fucking little menace, get in the car and have soup on our goddamn couch."

Reg could only stare, gaping like an absurd portrayal of a fish. No one except Sirius had ever had talked to him like that.... Plainly insulting him into feeling better. What. The. Fuck.

[a-song-of-quill-and-feather]

Harry Potter OC Masterlist

Tag: oc: amoretta tonks

FC: Crystal Reed

Love Interest: Cedric Diggory / Fred Weasley

Story: Twisted Fates

Summary: Life was good.

Amoretta Tonks headed into her 6th year at Hogwarts with that thought to her mind. Life was good. She had finished her OWLs the year before with good marks, and had figured the only thing ahead that she had to worry about this year was what sort of trouble Harry Potter would bring to Hogwarts. Though really even that she worried little over, it hardly ever reached her sphere of Hogwarts with her being older and in an entirely different house. Really she just had to worry whether it’d effect quidditch or not.

Plus she had Cedric. Finally, after years of friendship and crushing and pining, she had him.

So life was good.

But then the Triwizard Tournament is announced, and feeling settles over her that something bad was coming. Dreams wrack her mind at all hours of graveyards and death. And when Cedrics name is pulled from the Goblet she is struck by an all encompassing dread that grows and grows as they pass through each task.

But life was supposed to be good.

Tag: oc: beatrice dursley

FC: Kaylee Bryant

Love Interest: Ron Weasley

Story: State of Possession

Summary: Beatrice Dursley grew up fairly unobtrusively. With her older brother demanding—and getting—most of the attention from their parents, and her cousin drawing— however unintended—the ire from them. She was left to her own devices for the most part, enjoying her own quiet room or the front garden where she could play about the flowers. She knew odd things happened occasionally around her, but she never really noticed them. 

Then letters come for Harry and she learns that there is such thing as magic in the world. She doesn’t pay it much mind, sure it was rather funny to see Dudley get the tail, and the giant man that came to see Harry didn’t seem as bad as her father seemed to rant on about. But it didn’t have anything to do with her, until the start of summer when she turned eleven and a witch showed up at Privet Drive with a letter just like Harry’s for her.

Tag: oc: cadence hearthorn

FC: Bella Heathcote

Love Interest: Sirius Black

Story: And Into the Woods I Go [Ao3] [FFN]

Summary: Cadence Hearthorn doesn’t truly understand her relationship with Sirius Black.

Her relationship with Regulus is quite clear to her, they’ve been the best of friends and each others anchors in the political mine-field that is Slytherin house since their first year. The both of them striving to secure their spots amongst their peers. With Regulus working hard to detract attention from his brothers rebellion against their family, and Cadence struggling to bring her families name back to reputable status as the first magic user in generations.

But Sirius Black has confounded Cadence since the summer before her fourth year when she stayed at Grimmauld Place and met the elder Black brother more surely than she had ever before. He challenges her views and ambitions, and at the very least it seems she sparks his curiosity much the same. Especially after he wakes her from a dream where she saw the truth of one of his best friends deepest secrets.

Tag: oc: cassiopeia malfoy

FC: Jenny Boyd

Love Interest: George Weasley

Story: Mischief & Manners [Ao3] [FFN]

Summary: Cassiopeia knows what’s expected of her as the daughter of a pureblooded house. She knows that after Hogwarts she’ll get married off to a rich pureblooded wizard of good standing with whom she’ll be expected to have proper pureblooded children. She’ll be a good pureblood witch and follow her parents example and she’ll show that despite her more rebellious youth she can do as is expected of her, that it was all just a simple toeing of the line but not any serious deviation.

Cassiopeia knows that if it were entirely her own choice she’d make use of the N.E.W.T.S that she knows she’ll score perfectly on and become a healer. If it were her choice she’d continue on with Fred and George for the rest of her life and help them with their developing line of prank products even after their school years have ended. If it were her own choice she’d tell George her feelings and be with someone she chooses rather than someone chosen for her. If it were her choice she’d make something of her life that was challenging and brilliant and utterly hers.

Cassiopeia knows that for all her wants and rebellions she’ll do what she can for her family in the end, even if it means sacrificing her own choices.

Tag: oc: dahlia potter

FC: Holland Roden

Love Interest: Draco Malfoy

Story: Dream to See [Ao3] [FFN]

Summary: Twin to the Boy who Lived, Dahlia grew up alongside her brother Harry under the care of the Dursley’s. She always did her best to keep herself happy while also protecting Harry when she could. Thus when the twins acceptance to Hogwarts comes she is ready to move forward, away from the apparent hatred from their relatives and into the magic that a part of her had always known she held.

But then Harry goes into Gryffindor, after she had already been put in Slytherin. Leading her to deal with the fact that she’s separated from the brother she’s always strived to protect. She is left to the house that had held the man who killed their parents, to strange dreams that have haunted her for as long as she can remember, and to the blonde haired brat who seems determined to either get her to love him or hate him. 

Despite it all Dahlia Potter perseveres through her years at Hogwarts with a determination to succeed.

Tag: oc: evie tatters

FC: Danielle Rose Russell

Love Interest: Harry Potter

Story: TBD

Summary: Evie Tatters is a witch.

Her parents had always said there was something special about her, but she’d always chalked that up to being a thing all parents told their children to make them feel special. But when a tall woman came to their home on Privet Drive telling her that she was indeed special, in comparison to muggles at least, Evie was determined to prove her entirely right.

It was just an added bonus that her best friend Harry also proved to be special. Though apparently he was special even in the world of magic. Not that she would let that affect her view of him, or if she could help it let it affect his view of himself, no she was simply overjoyed that she wasn’t going to a school where she’d know absolutely no one all on her own.

Of course then she gets put into a house that tells her she’s not special, rather she’s wrong and bad and does not belong.

Of course, that just makes her all the more determined to prove each and every one of them wrong and show them just how special she is.

Tag: oc: jeanie prewett

FC: Sophie Skelton

Love Interest: Marlene McKinnon / Nymphadora Tonks

Story: TBD

Summary: Jeanie Prewett was a witch, in her own opinion, who was exceptionally gifted. 

Thus, it only made sense that she’d join up with the Order of the Phoenix come leaving Hogwarts.

Jeanie Prewett, in her own opinion, was quite skilled at fighting death eaters. And she had a bloody good time doing it as well. Alongside her brothers Gideon and Fabian she did her duty to the Order, and the greater wizarding community, and worked hard to end the reign of terror the Dark Lord was bringing to Britain.

Thus it only made sense that she was with her brothers when they died. But Jeanie Prewett did not die that day. No matter what was presumed when her body was not found. 

Because Jeanie Prewett was an exceptionally gifted witch who enjoyed experimenting with difficult magics and had, a few weeks prior, found an illegal time turner that she kept for private research. Thus, when her brother’s and her were set upon by death eaters, she in a spur of reckless caution turned the piece in hopes of saving the day. 

Of course, it wasn’t a regulation time turner and she had tinkered with it some. And so, in a dizzying sense of magic (that felt very much like falling upwards) she found it had nowhere near the effect that she’d hoped for. 

Jeanie Prewett was a witch who opened her eyes to find herself stood in an entirely unfamiliar time that was heading into a very familiar war.

Tag: oc: lyra black

FC: Phoebe Tonkin

Love Interest: Remus Lupin

Story: TBD

Summary: Lyra Black has been hearing things she’s not supposed to all her life. 

When she was little she heard of Bellatrix’s plans for the muggle family that lived down the way. She heard of Andromeda’s secret friendship with a muggleborn. She heard of Narcissa’s secret hiding spot for her things that she didn’t want her sisters to touch. 

She heard other things too, just thoughts passing through the heads of those around her. 

Her mother and Bellatrix insisted it was a gift. A thing most wizards and witches would have to work years and years to have even the base natural skill Lyra shows. A gift Lyra knows Bellatrix thinks is wasted upon her. 

But it was a gift she didn’t particularly want. And thus since she was little, Lyra Black tried very hard not to hear things she was not supposed to. 

But sometimes her focus slips and things slip through the cracks. Sometimes she sits beside a tired looking boy in Transfiguration and hears his pain and wonders on it just the second needed to see something she was never supposed to hear.

Tag: oc: tristram crouch

FC: Richard Harmon

Love Interest: Hermione Granger

Story: State of Forgetting

Summary: When Tristram Crouch enters his fourth year at Hogwarts he’s acutely aware of one pressing issue. He’s missing something. He’s certain if he got his hands on a remembrall it would smoke up faster than the fireplace in the Hufflepuff common room on chilly days. But he’s also certain it’s not an object that he’s missing.

No. He’s quite certain that whatever’s missing from him is missing from his head. A memory, he thinks, lost from his mind and leaving him rather pissed at its absence. And it’s not something small. No, he thinks it’s actually rather big. Which only pisses him off further.

So, he turns to the most brilliant witch of their age (at least that’s what he’s heard plenty of people call her) and asks for her help in figuring out memory magic in order to get whatever it is back into his mind where it belongs.

[with-love-anu]

Desiderata: The Reveal

PART: 5

WORD COUNT: 2K

PAIRING: Sirius Black x Reader

SUMMARY:  You had been best friends with James, Remus, Sirius and Peter. Read your journey of love, friendship and jealousy through your wonderful years at Hogwarts. Enjoy!

SERIES MASTERLIST

As you moved through the train looking for the compartment and your friends, you couldn’t help but feel a bit anxious. You had always worn simple T-Shirts and jeans at school. Now, as you walked wearing a coral pink off-shoulder top and some high-waist denims, you could suddenly feel people noticing you. It made you smile, the new found attention. You finally saw your besties sitting in the second last compartment.

“Fangs!”

James hugged you as you entered. He held you at arm’s length, his hands on the either side of your shoulders as he took a good look at you. “Wow! You look so pretty!”

“Well, I take it you like my new look.” You smiled smugly cocking an eyebrow.

“I don’t know about him, but I freaking love it” Remus piped in as he came forward and practically engulfed you.

“Remus…can’t…breathe…” you choked out as Remus chuckled releasing you.

You turned to find peter as red as a tomato and Sirius beside him. He stared at you with a somewhat surprised expression on his face, his mouth slightly ajar. It took him a second before he came forward and pulled you into a tight hug and whispered, “I missed you” his breath tickling your ear. You blushed and slowly pulled away from him.

After you all settled down, you told them about your trip to India. Sirius had spent most of the summer at James’s house and the way their eyes sparkled mischievously, you knew they had done much more than have some “fun”. Remus had spent his summer engrossed in the books you’d lent him. Having read through your collection more than 3 times and knowing Remus would take good care of them, you had given them all to him for the summer. Peter had travelled to the country side with his family.

When you’d finally reached the great hall, you couldn’t wait for the sorting to get over and to dig into the feast prepared by the school elves. You were sitting beside Lily who had pulled your ear on seeing you. (“Y/n Y/l/n! You had no time to see me!”)

James who sat in front of you was continually giving you looks, pestering you to make Lily talk to him. After a while, you started ignoring him all together because you knew how infuriated lily would get if you did that just now. Lily and you talked about your vacations. You told her how your sister wanted to give you this big makeover and you just took the opportunity. Lily listened to you a small frown occurring in her eyes. You asked her about it.

“Nothing, it’s just that my own sister Petunia hates me. I wish I had same relationship you have with your sister.” Lily told you. “But anyways, I love your new look and I could already see the boy’s heads turning in you direction” she said wriggling her eyebrows.

“Lily!” you said smacking her arm.

Lily giggled and you couldn’t help but wonder about her. You two always had been close friends but you couldn’t spend that much time with each other as you had the marauders and she, Snape. Now, when she just told you about her sister, you couldn’t help but worry a little. It was the same way Sirius had first mentioned Regulus. You saw how she just mentioned her with a sad glint in her eyes before brushing it away. You doubted that Lily had someone she could talk to about this. Although she was friends with the other dorm-mates you knew that the two of you were the closest. You decided in that moment that you would at least try to strengthen your friendship with her.

When you were both ready to sleep in your respective dorm rooms, you took her into the bathroom with you so that others wouldn’t hear. You pestered her to sneak out. She glared at you but you could be persuasive when you wanted to. She put up a good fight before finally giving in.

“Y/n, if I get caught you would be responsible”

“What would teachers say?”

“I am a prefect; I am supposed to stop these things”

“Y/n you are a bad influence on me”

“Y/n are you even listening to me?”

You huffed. You could very well see beneath the annoyed façade that Lily was enjoying herself. She couldn’t even keep the small smile off her face. You wouldn’t lie if you said that she had a mischievous side to her. You smirked.

“You need to stay quiet. I know that this is your first time sneaking out, but trust me I won’t let you get caught.” You told her.

“Okay”

As you reached the fruit bowl painting you couldn’t help but put in a bit of drama.

“Lily Evans, my closest dorm mate, (Lily face palmed) I present to you my secret of bringing snacks to our dorm. Now, I am only letting you know this because you, yes you NEED to loosen up a bit and also you’ve proved yourself to be worthy to me”

You made wide hand gestures as you entered the kitchens. After Lily decided she had looked around enough, you both sat down drinking some hot chocolate. The two of you laughed and joked around talking about everything from the teachers to the portraits at Hogwarts. You were mildly surprised to find Lily having this wild side to her. She was fierce and bold and definitely not the girl who followed every single school rule. You could see how perfect she was for James, but you didn’t raise your opinions just yet.

“Tell me, why hadn’t we done this before?” Lily asked, her face as red as her hair, from laughing all the way up to the common room.

“You insisted on following the rules so much, that’s why.” You told her smiling. You both went up to your dorm plopping down on the mattress, soon falling into deep slumber.

Next morning, when you went down the breakfast table you couldn’t help but feel a little sleepy due to the last night’s endeavours. You poured yourself a large cup of coffee and piled on some toast and fruit. You saw Sirius come in flirting with some Ravenclaw girl. You huffed and felt that familiar pinch yet again. You were tired, tired of pinning after the boy who would never reciprocate your feelings. When you were going through the makeover, you thought that maybe, maybe Sirius would notice you. But he clearly never did or ever will. You mentally cursed James and Remus for putting the little hope in your head.

Your thoughts were interrupted by someone calling your name. You turned around and saw Sebastian, Ruuhaan, Alex, Charlotte and Grace smirking at you. Over the years you all had become great friends. They were all from different houses. Sebastian and Charlotte from Ravenclaw, Alex and Grace from Hufflepuff and Ruuhaan from Slytherin.

“How come we are last to know about your new look?” Alex asked smirking at you.

“What? You don’t like it?” you said twirling around so they could see your striped culotte jumpsuit.

“Oh everyone loves it” Ruuhaan said winking at you. You smiled as the group fell into an easy conversation.

“So, Sunday 2pm we start this year’s study session” Grace said as she started to leave.

“I really can’t wait to go back and study” You said in a high pitched tone, sarcasm dripping from every syllable. Sebastian sniggered as Grace smacked you.

“That hurt!!” you pouted.

“We just don’t study and you know it! Anyways, remind Remus too.” Grace said.

You looked back seeing Lily sitting alone eating her breakfast. You glanced at the Slytherin table to see Snape sitting with Malfoy, Avery and Mulciber.

“Can I bring Lily too? She’s real nice outside the prefect duties and being the perfect student” You asked.

“Of course why not?” Charlotte said. “Besides Ruuhaan is bringing his crush, Candice too.” she added winking.

Ruuhaan blushed. He had a crush on Candice for years and had gathered the courage to talk to her after huge amount of pestering from you all.

“So, it’s settled then!” Sebastian cut in saving Ruuhaan from any teasing. As they slowly went their ways you plopped down next to Lily and saw James and Peter had already taken seats opposite to you and were eating. Remus always came in the last moment at breakfast being the sleepy head he was.

“Lily, are you free this Sunday 2pm?” you asked Lily.

“Yes. Why?”  

“Okay so I have this study group I go to where we usually do our homework but time to time we also have fun. There are people from all the houses and honestly speaking; we get our work done earlier than most people. I mean with different views, loads of notes and research work from 7 different people does make things easier.” You explained.

“So, this is the actual reason you score at least an “E” in every class? I’m impressed. I didn’t know there were people who take their homework seriously.” Lily said an amused look on her face.

“Am I hearing a yes?” you said delighted.

“I’ll be there.”

The first day was exhausting. You had gone through double potions and herbology. Teachers were all on about how you needed to work hard for the upcoming owls and you had already got 3 essays to write by the next week. So, as you moved towards the last class, defense against the dark arts, you were hoping to get over with it as soon as possible.

You sat beside James and Sirius who were in the same predicament as you were. Professor Vane was new defense against the dark arts’ teacher. He was an old man who looked like a walking corpse.

“Settle down please.” He drowned in a monotonous voice and you knew he wouldn’t be able to handle your wild classmates. He went and sat on a high chair facing the class and remained there for the entirety of the lesson. He went on about how although you all would be practicing certain spells the main focus would be on the theory. You groaned internally. Great, just great. With Voldermort on the rise, the increasing tension in the wizarding world, you wouldn’t even be taught about how to handle yourself in a battle. You were passionate about the things you believed in and stopping this pureblood mania was one of them. So, as he droned on and on about different spells and their usage you couldn’t help but be disappointed.

While the class went on, James mindlessly writing lily on the corners of the page filling it with small hearts, Sirius winking and passing notes with Marlene (you were glaring at him, but apparently he never noticed) ; an idea struck you. When the class finished you beckoned the marauders to a small corner.

“Listen, I have an idea. I don’t think Vane is ever going to teach us anything useful and I want to be able to defend myself and be strong enough to go on missions against the death eaters.” You looked to see the boys faces darkened with a grim expression.

“What I am trying to propose is a club. Not like the duelling club where people go to have some fun. I want to learn things that would help me keep myself and others safe. I have seen the procedure for making the club and I am sure we would be allowed if we followed the rules. People can teach each other what we are best at. Remus can help us with attacking spells; Lily can with the defensive ones and I could help teach others basic healing procedures- spells and potions. That’s what it is about in the end, isn’t it? Helping each other? Staying strong together?” you spoke out.

The boys took a moment thinking about what you just said. You knew they were as eager to learn as you were. Remus spoke up first.

“I’m in” Remus said with an expression that told you he was determined to make this work.

“Me too.”

“I’m in”

“Sure. Why not?”

You were positively delighted to see them agreeing.

“But, who else would be there?” James asked.

“Oh, you’ll see. Leave that to me” You added smirking knowing exactly who you were going to call and were sure that they’ll agree.

SERIES MASTERLIST

[stardustaubade]

The Way You Call My Name

“Remus.”

Remus refuses to look up, tears in his eyes, arms wrapped around himself. People like him were never accepted in this world. He is a monster… what if his friends leave him? What if Sirius hates him?

“Remus, look at me.”, Sirius calls him, kneeling down beside him.

“No Sirius, I'm a monster. You don't understand.”

“I don't care whether you're a werewolf or not. You're not a monster. Now look at me.”

Remus looks at Sirius, James and Peter standing a bit away from them, with concern in their eyes.

“No Sirius, our Defense Against Dark Arts book has two chapters telling who I am. I..”

“Cut the crap Remus. You're the kindest and bravest person I have ever met.”, Sirius shakes his head violently, his voice filled with a strange surge of emotions.

“For fuck's sake mate, you fold your clothes, you take your tea with honey, you wear fluffiest jumpers, you literally read all the day. Forgive me if we're not scared.”, James intervenes. Peter nods solemnly in agreement.

“You guys don't hate me?”

“No, we don't. Come here, we've a prank to plan. ”

~

“Remus?”, Sirius’ voice cuts through the curtains as Remus gingerly puts his book down, pursing his lips, thinking for a moment how his friends seemed pretty odd for last two months.

“Yes Sirius?”

“Can I come in?”

“Yeah, sure. ”

“James, Pete and I have a thing to show you. Come, please?”

“Are you crazy? God it's freezing outside! Where's your jacket? You're gonna catch a cold.”, Remus wraps his arms around himself, “And what the hell are we doing in the Forbidden Forest?”

“Patience, Re, patience. Now come here. James and Pete are waiting for us.”, Sirius takes Remus’ arm and runs inside the forest.

"Remus”, Sirius finally lets go his hands, standing beside James and Peter, panting for breath.

Remus looks at his friends, puzzled, “What on earth are we doing here, past curfew? Care to explain?”

“Mate, we're not allowing you to suffer alone anymore.”, James declares.

“So we have become animagi to accompany you during the full moons.“, Peter adds, smiling.

“You.. What?”

“Yeah, animagi, you heard it right.”, Sirius smiles, and at the very next moment, there are a black dog, a stag, and a rat in front of him.

Remus stands there, glued to the ground, his heart swelling with an absurd need of crying with gratitude and love for his friends.

He cries.

“Remus?”, he looks at Sirius, transformed back, his assuring hand on the small of his back, smiling, “Anything for you.”

“Anything for our Remus.”, James and Peter cheers.

~

“Remus.. I..”

“No Sirius, how could you do this to me? What if I killed James or Snape? What if I broke out? Do you know what could have happened Sirius? Of all people, you chose Snape to tell my secret! The ministry could have sent me to Azkaban, I would have lost my chance to study in Hogwarts!”, Remus hides his face in his palms, crying. It does hurt. It hurts because it's Sirius.. What if he killed him?

“Remus, I didn't realize…”, Sirius voice shakes with pain and tears.

“You never think Sirius. You never do.”

“Moons..”

“Don't.. Don't call me Moons. Go away Sirius. I don't want to see you.”

He hears Sirius crying, as the door of the hospital wing shuts behind him. Remus buries his face into the pillow, sobbing.

Sirius has ruined everything.

~

“Remus?”

It's almost midnight. Remus hasn't talked to Sirius since the Prank, which happened nearly a month ago. His eyes shot open as he hears Sirius calling his name from behind the curtains of his four poster bed.

“Remus”, his tired, fragile voice sounds like a mere whisper. Remus breaths slowly, yet his heart pounding inside his chest. He’s very much in love with Sirius but he has ruined everything. He has shattered Remus’ trust.

“I'm sorry Moons. I'm so sorry. I know, I'm selfish. I broke your trust. I don't deserve you. I don't deserve anyone. I don't belong to anyone. My dear mother never misses a chance to point out how I'm unworthy, a shame in the name of the House of Black, Regulus hates me because I'm reckless, always disagreeing with my parents. Father hates me because a Gryffindor can never be good enough to be the heir to their bullshit family.”, he chuckles darkly, “It's not like that I care about them. I don't care how much Mum crucios me, Dad whips me. I don't care Moons.”, his voice chokes with tears. How much Remus wants to hug Sirius, to hold and mend him, right now. But he's too broken.

“I don't care about them. I don't want to lose you Remus. I don't remember for how long I've been in love with you. I miss you. Please, take me back.”

Time freezes.

Remus blinks twice to process what Sirius just said, trying to pull words out of the darkness of his bed that has enveloped him. Sirius loves him?

“Sirius?”, Sirius feels a tug on his wrist as he gets up from the edge of Remus’ bed. The words has weighed on his shoulders for nearly a month, making him feel like he is drowning into the gloominess of 12 Grimmauld Place, like an inebriated and enraged Walburga hitting him with Cruciatus Curse, like seeing Remus howling in pain, at the Shrieking Shack.

He looks back.

Remus. Shit, he was awake?

“Moon.. Remus, sorry I didn't realize that you were awake. I'll just go.”

“Sirius, look at me. You love me?

“I'm sorry Remus.. I shouldn't have… “

Their lips crash together, wiping away the immeasurable distance, teeth and lips, lips and teeth, feeling like heaven, finally.

There couldn't have been a better apology, Remus thinks, holding Sirius in his arms, crying in each other's neck.

~

“Remus.”

“What are you implying Sirius? I'm betraying the Order? I'm betraying you all because I'm a werewolf?”, Remus shouts. They don't call each other by their nicknames anymore.

“I didn't say that. I'm just saying that where do you go without telling me?”, Sirius looks hurt, looking at the distance between them, one more step, his lips will be on Remus’, they'll kiss and probably make out, ignoring the death and war outside.

No. They have grown distant, cold. The right side of their bed is cold despite Remus being there, Peter asking him about Remus’ disappearance bugging his mind. He drowns himself every other night in firewhiskey anyway, ignoring the winter stretching and stretching between them.

“Goddamnit Sirius, you know that it's Dumbledore's order.”

“Why can't you tell me? I'm your boyfriend for fuck's sake! What are you doing Remus? We're at the middle of a war! I can't lose you!”

“You've already lost me Sirius. You lost me at the moment you suspected me because I'm a werewolf.”, Remus coldly replies.

“Re..”

“Don't.”

Sirius looks at the dying plant on the windowsill of their flat as Remus bangs the door behind him and leaves, wondering how it went so wrong.

~

“Remus..”, Sirius breaks down crying, as Bellatrix's shrill laughter penetrates through the cold walls of his cell.

It's full moon and Remus is all alone.

It's full moon and Moony misses his Padfoot.

It's full moon and Moony is howling in pain.

All without him.

All because of him.

He has ruined everything.

“Forgive me Remus. Sorry Remus, please live. Please, don't die. Live your life Moons. Don't hate me.”, Sirius sobs, hiding his face in his palms, as the saline gust hits him, sending shivers down his spine.

~

“Remus.”

“Sirius?”

He looks at his Remus for the first time in twelve years, his name on his lover's lips so distant yet so soft, like a prayer and breathing back to life, winter of Dementors and Azkaban going away as he engulfs himself in Remus’ arms.

He is home.

Tagging : @of-stars-and-moon @ashes-and-ashes-dust-and-dust @aimforthedogstar @withrewings @imamarauderslover @confunded-gryffindor

[elfenbensord]

Mr Black

Imagine 1: Mr Black

Summary: Pining and heartbreak and stuff, y’know?

Pairing: Young!Sirius Black x Female!Reader

Warnings: You might want to dig your eyes out with a spoon, or maybe that’s just me.

Word count: 1324

[Written: 26 Aug, Edited: 26 Aug, Published: 26 Aug]

[2018]

Request: Hey! Could I get a fem!GryffindorMuggleborn readerxSirius Black-marauder era? She transferred from the US in 3rd year, became BFFs with Lily and later Sirius. In 6th year Sirius and her drifted apart since he started dating Marlene who Lily and her hated. After graduation she went in Auror training+Order missions and only ever saw Lily,James and Remus. Then at an Order meeting she sees them and finds out they are engaged and a lot of angst! But a happy ending. Sorry for being so specific.

Author’s Note: I kinda switcharooed a lil as I pleased. But y’know, who’s the writer here? That’s right -- me. So I make the rules (*laughs* unLIMITED POWER *laughs*)

Enjoy reading!

Masterlist / Requests

The trees of the Forbidden Forest -- which was never truly forbidden to those with the right mind and mischief -- sway in the wind to an ancient song. This night is drawing late, but no one really wants to leave. To leave now would be to finally walk out of childhood, to become an adult once and for all, and the thought of that is simply paralysing. The graduation class of ‘78 drinks and dances all through their final evening together. One last time, they’ll stay up late in their common rooms. One last time, they’ll see the faces and share the smiles they’ve known for seven years now. Grades have been handed out, there’s really nothing left to do now. Nothing left for them on these grass hills, in this castle.

“(Y/N)!” Sirius Black is drunk and sentimental, not for the first nor last time. He swings his arms around the American girl’s shoulders, trying to convey much more emotion in the embrace than it’s really possible.

She lets herself be held, a small smile playing on her lips. “Sirius…”

This is the night, she tells herself once again. This is the night when I tell him.

“Did I ever tell you...”, Sirius fumbles over his sentences and himself. “(Y/N), did I ever tell you-”, he pauses to take a sip out of a bottle she didn’t notice until now.

He’s about to say something, tell her something. So, maybe he’ll beat her to it. Wouldn’t that be heavenly?

He uses his hand to wipe his mouth, he still stinks of alcohol. “Y’know what -- let’s go somewhere else. Let’s go up to the towers!”

They never reach the towers, they forget their mission as they’re halfway through. Their voices fill the stone corridors with laughter, whispers and love. They find themselves in one of the large open windows. Sitting beside each other, legs dangling out through the window, they watch the lights and colours of their classmates. It’s past midnight, the only one still standing is Remus, who is finally letting out the stress of passed exams, through drinking and crazy dancing. Peter and a Ravenclaw girl dance beside him, but not quite as violently nor as desperately.

Sirius’ breath is raggedy, loud against the cold midnight air. “(Y/N), you- you’re so…”

“Wickedly beautiful?” she cuts him off, looking at him with teasing eyes. She makes him laugh.

He’s still amazed over how easily she does it, just the crook of a smile and a witty comment and he’s almost choking laughing by her knees.

  He scoots closer to her, his leg now touching hers. (Y/N) is suddenly hyper aware of the length of the skirt of her dress. Just past the knee, and her bare leg can sense his warm skin through his trousers. His hand reaches for hers, toying with her knuckles and sending fireflies to her heart.

Her hand in his, he speaks, “You’re so…”

She holds her breath, bracing herself for whatever comes next. “I’m so…?”

“Exactly.”

“Good. Good to know.” A small smile. She leans onto him, he holds her. They watch the night together. To the last hurrah.

---

“(Y/N), fancy going to the pub after the meeting?” Remus Lupin proposes, his eyes tired but happy and his hair already greying. “Maybe even Lily wants to tag along if you flirt with her enough?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

The two share a common smile. They’re the unlucky, single souls of the stage tonight and every night. But it’s all better when it’s shared, for then the loneliness can’t paralyse you quite as bad. If (Y/N) had known what a friend she’d find in Remus, this slightly broken boy, she would’ve spent so many better nights with him instead of pining over the dark, tall and beautiful boy at the back of the party.

Lily declined their offer, though both (Y/N) and Remus were exquisite in their attempted flirting. They’ll laugh all about it once more, slightly drunk under the greasy lights of the Leaky Cauldron.

A butterbeer, maybe something stronger, in her hands, she opens her heart to him just the slightest. “Y’know Sirius?”

“The insufferable bastard? Yeah.”

She feels like she has to lean forward to confess, “I was in love with him back at Hogwarts.”

Remus merely shrugs and takes another sip, “Weren’t we all?”

It almost stings her heart, a bee finds its way through her veins. Another sip. “Exactly. Weren’t we all…”

---

And then suddenly Remus isn’t single anymore. Suddenly he’s seeing this girl, the same Ravenclaw girl who danced with him during the graduation night. They met somewhere -- a bookshop, a thrift store, a dumpster -- it doesn’t matter. Remus is absolutely smitten about her, his hair even regrows with colour. Eyes gleaming, he dreams the meetings away.

And now (Y/N) is alone in being alone. Again.

Her flat echoes with silence, dust covering every free surface. She cooks for herself, shops for herself, sleeps by herself. Now she’s all she owns.

She packs herself up every morning, ready for whatever the world has to bring her. Is it death, fights, laughs, love.

Now she sits by herself in her own space, the only plate on the kitchen table is all she needs. A sound is heard from the door. The mail.

And now she sits with tears in her eyes and a cream coloured letter in her hands.

“Mr Black and Miss McKinnon invites you join the celebration of their marriage.”

And everything breaks.

---

Dumbledore just finished off another meeting. (Y/N)’s tired state of mind is leaking onto the table, into everyone’s boots. Her lack of spirit can be sensed miles away. Purple underneath her eyes, she looks as if she’ll break any moment. Everyone worries for their friend’s sake, but no one quite knows what do to or what to say.

And suddenly the door is kicked open. And Sirius stands there, a dark silhouette against the outside light. And (Y/N) goes paler and rises from her seat. “Excuse me”, she breathes, before exiting through the back door. No one says anything.

The cold air of the early spring reeks into her lungs, it numbs her mind and calms her blood. Her fingers grip onto her elbows, desperately trying to find some comfort in herself. She learnt so much at Hogwarts, but never how to love herself.

She can feel how someone stands tall beside her. She expects it to be Remus -- the kind but absent soul --  it couldn’t be anyone else but him. But the voice coming from the body contradicts her early belief.

“(Y/N)...” Sirius’ voice is hoarse, but still a warmth in the cold of early spring.

She opens her eyes to meet his dark eyes, his handsome features and raven hair. “Sirius.”

They breathe together, separately finding themselves to remember every second they’ve spent together.

(Y/N) leans against the outside wall of the house. The bricks scrape against her back, she wishes she’d brought her coat. A long breath, meet his eyes for just a moment. “I- I should congratulate you on your engagement. And soon-to-come marriage.”

“... What?”

“Please, Sirius, don’t-”

“No, what do you mean?”

And that’s when she notices the lack of a ring on his fingers.

His confusion almost makes sense. “Wait, you don’t think-”

“I don’t know-”

“I’m not …anything. Hell, I haven’t even shagged in months.” It’s his turn to make her laugh, but all she has to offer are glossy eyes, confusion hiding underneath.

“But… ‘Mr Black and Miss McKinnon invites you join the celebration of their marriage’?”

The look on his face. Wide eyes, his mouth in an unreadable expression. “No! No, no, no. That’s… That’s Regulus -- my brother!”

It clicks, and the fireflies are back, living in her veins. “So you’re not… engaged?”

And he looks at her, “No. No, I’m not.”

And he finally makes her smile.

---

PERMANENT TAGLIST:

@rocking-like-a-ravenclaw

@kapolisradomthoughts

@siriusement

@electraheart-isdead

@classy-sith-lady

@hermione-who

wanna be added? tell me a bad pun and tell me the taglist.

[ourloveisforthelovely]

Christmas (one shot)

Harry Potter Marauders AU 

Request: (I am combining two requests on this one because they are similar) 

1.  idk if it taking requests and i don’t want to be told forward but do you think that maybe you could write one with the reader as James little sister where she’s dating regulus and when Sirius runs away during the winter he manages to get reg to go with him and it’s rly sweet bc they spend Christmas together and it’s like the start of them all becoming really close and Reggie becomes like an honorary gryffindor... 

2. So I had an request with Regulus where he is dating the sister of James, and in the Christmas break he tells it Walburga and Orion but they kick him out, and so he goes to her house, kinda like when Sirius did :)

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader 

Rating: M- violence

________

Regulus stood outside of his mother’s sitting room working on getting the nerve to go inside. Today was the day that he would tell both Orion and Walburga about his relationship with you. It had been over a year of secrets and he was finally tired of it. Your parents were totally fine with the relationship so Regulus could only hope that his parents would be happy with his “happiness.”

You’re barking mad if you think that mum and dad will be happy. The Potter’s are blood traitors. They will flip.

Regulus had to shake the negative thoughts from his mind as he finally stepped into the room. Walburga sat beside her husband who was reading a newspaper. This was all that his parents seemed to do. Sit together but never speak. Regulus never understood it. When he started dating you his confusion over his parent’s odd relationship deepened. Regulus couldn't imagine just sitting beside you in silence every night.

Walburga looked up from the magazine that she was reading to gaze at her youngest son. It wasn’t often that Regulus appeared during her quiet time with Orion.

“What is it, Regulus?”

Regulus took a breath.

“I wanted to talk to you and dad about something.”

Orion put down his newspaper with a curious frown.

“Well, here we are. What is it?”

Regulus internally told himself to keep his nerve. If his parents could see that he wasn’t scared of them (like they wanted) maybe they would be a bit more perceptive to their son’s wants.

“I have a girlfriend. I’ve been dating a girl for over a year now. It's time for the two of you to know.”

Walburga immediately frowned.

“I see. We have promised you to…”

Regulus shook his head.

“I am not dating one of my cousins. I love the girl that I am with and want to be with her.”

Orion immediately crossed his arms over his chest.

“Who is she?”

“Y/n Potter.”

Both Walburga and Orion were on their feet in an instant. Walburga started screeching about the Potters being blood traitors.

“I forbid it! This relationship is over. You have no business in mixing with Potter trash.”

Regulus suddenly felt braver than he had in a long time.

“You don’t know her. Y/n is a wonderful girl. She’s smart, kind, beautiful...and she loves me.”

Orion sighed, putting a hand over his face.

“Is that what she told you? Regulus, love isn’t a real emotion. We have told you how some frivolous girl would use mentions of love to ensnare you into some trap. In this world there are only business arrangements. That’s what marriages are supposed to be about. If you let yourself become filthy by some blood traitor, no proper girl will want you.”

“I love her. Love is also very much real. I don’t care if the two of you don’t like it. You can hate it for all that I care. I will not give her up.”

(meanwhile)

Sirius lay on his bed throwing a small ball up in the air waiting for it to come back down. He was bored shitless and wanted nothing more than to get into something. The moment that he heard Regulus scream, Sirius sat up.

“Reg?”

He swung his feet over the edge of the bed and went into his brother’s room.

“Did you see a spider again, Reggie? I don’t think that it is going to get you.”

Sirius frowned, seeing no sign of Regulus in the room. His bed was neatly made and everything looked in order. Regulus screaming again made Sirius quickly turn and run down the stairs. He has a sickening feeling that he knew what was going on. Normally it was him who his mother enjoyed using as a punching bag. It was very few and far between when Walburga turned her wrath on her “favorite.”

Skidding into the sitting room, Sirius wanted to scream at the sight of his mother using the cruciatus curse on his little brother. Regulus lay in a fetal position bleeding from the nose and mouth while screaming for his mother to stop.

“Mother, stop it!”

Sirius snapped. Walburga and Orion, whom Sirius just realized was in the room, looked up to their eldest son.

“Go away, Sirius. Your brother is being punished and it's none of your concern.”

Sirius shook his head.

“When he’s bleeding from the nose, ears, and mouth it is my concern. Stop before you kill him.”

Orion finally spoke up,

“This is what he deserves for dating a blood traitor. Were you aware that your brother was dating the Potter girl?”

Sirius frowned. This is what it was about. His parents discovered Regulus’ romance with you and was having a fit. Sirius was worried that this would happen the moment that the two of you started dating. This was why Sirius begged Regulus to not breathe a word of this to their parents. How they found out, Sirius wasn’t for sure.

“Nothing is wrong with Y/n. Now stop before you kill him!”

(meanwhile)

You sat beside James as your mother put a plate of freshly made cookies in front of you. Euphemia smiled proudly.

“Enjoy you two. I know that I said no Christmas cookies before Christmas but you know that I can’t help it. I love cookies.”

James grinned and eagerly grabbed a cookie.

“Yes! I was hoping for cookies.”

He said gleefully as the doorbell rang. You quickly stood up.

“Keep stuffing your face. I’ll go get the door.”

James gave you a wide grin as you walked down the hallway to the front door as the knocking continued.

“Keep your shirt on, we are coming.”

You yelled as you opened the door. The moment the door was opened you instantly found yourself wanting to scream. Both Sirius and Regulus stood on the other side looking as if the shit had been knocked out of them.

“JAMES! MUM!”

You screamed before reaching out and tugging them both inside. Assessing the situation, Regulus looked a lot worse off than Sirius. Seeing your boyfriend like this was enough to make you want to sob.

“What happened? What is going on?”

You heard James and your mother running in from the living room. James was the first in the room and was as stunned as you. He made a b-line for his best friend as you continued to check Regulus’ normally flawless face for injuries.

Euphemia stood with her hands over her mouth before quickly “getting her head in the game.”

“James, Y/n, bring Sirius and Regulus into the living room. I’m going to get some towels.”

You quickly did as you were told. Wrapping an arm around Regulus’ waist, you stepped as close to him as possible.

“Love, please...what happened. You’re not talking and it's scaring me.”

Regulus tried to think past the pain that was going through his aching body.

“I told my parents about us.”

You could clearly see your mother spin around at the comment Regulus made. Euphemia was as stunned as you were. Sirius tossed his hair over his shoulder.

“Mum and dad used cruciatus curse on us then threw us out.”

Euphemia came back with a bunch of clean towels.

“I wouldn’t let the two of you go back anyway. There is no way that I could let either of you return to that house.”

“Mrs. Potter, we couldn’t impose…”

Regulus started but Euphemia cut him off.

“Nonsense. The two of you are staying. James, go tidy your room. I don’t want Sirius to break an ankle trying to move around in there.”

Sirius laughed at the expression on James’ face.

“I told you that you were messy.”

James grabbed his friend by the hand and tugged him into the room and closed the door. Euphemia turned back to face where Regulus stood quietly at your side.

“You two come with me.”

If anyone could patch Regulus up it would be your mother. Euphemia was perfect at healing spells. After having James Potter for a son, she had to learn a thing or two quickly before her only son bled out.

“What happened to make your mother do something like this, dear?”

Euphemia asked as she gently took a towel and dabbed at Regulus’ bloody nose. Regulus winced at the bit of pain that went through his face. Euphemia stopped, having a feeling that the boy’s nose was broken.

“The truth?”

Regulus questioned. Euphemia smiled.

“That would be lovely. After you get done tell me what the truth is then maybe you can enlighten my son a bit. His stories are getting a little old. He needs new material.”

Euphemia was relieved when Regulus smiled at that.

“I can understand that. His excuse for making a bad grade on a test before Christmas was something about asbestos.”

Euphemia chuckled.

“You’ve heard that one too.”

Regulus was silent a moment longer before deciding that it was best to tell Euphemia what actually happened. She would find out soon enough and it wasn’t like she was going to hit him. Euphemia didn’t seem like a mother that would beat her children. She was nothing like his mother.

“I told my mother that I was dating Y/n. My parents said that your family is…”

Euphemia pursed her lips having a feeling where this was going.

“Let me guess, blood traitors.”

Regulus blushed before looking down. He didn’t even want to say yes to this. For once, everything that his family stood for was nothing that he wanted to be a part of any longer.

“Yes...I don’t feel that way though. I love Y/n and I want to be with her.”

Euphemia patted his shoulder.

“No need to fret, dear. I didn’t think of you in that way at all. You may be your mother’s son but you are not her. Now I’m going to fix your nose then you two need to get some rest.”

(5 minutes later)

You stepped into your bedroom followed by Regulus. He was still holding a blood-soaked towel under his nose.

“Are you alright?”

You asked. Regulus nodded then shook his head. He looked down at his still trembling hands. He sat down on the bed before he fell down.

“No, I’m not alright. No parent should treat their kid like this. I shouldn’t be beaten to hell for being in love with you.”

You quickly took your place on his lap. Placing a leg on either side of Regulus’ body, you sat up enough to gently cradle his head against your chest. Stroking your fingers through his hair, you gently whispered that everything would be fine. Whether Regulus believed it or not you weren't sure.

“None of my friends will probably talk to me again.”

Regulus finally said in a sad defeated tone. He knew that Evan would probably give him the tongue lashing of a lifetime for doing something to be kicked out of such a prestigious family. If Evan spoke to him after that would be a great question in itself. Barty would find this the perfect chance to take Regulus’ place. He had been desperate to do it for years so why would he wait?

“You can stay with my friends. They won’t mind. James already is cool with us being together. He just had to get over that initial older brother issue.”

Regulus wasn’t sure how hanging out with a herd of Gryffindor’s would go but at the moment it didn’t seem as if he had much of a choice. He would be with you...that would be the main perk. Now he didn’t have to say goodbye again and wonder if his parents were going to hang him for being your boyfriend.  

“That’s good to know. I’m sorry that he had to find out by catching us snogging.”

You were relieved to see a smile spread across Regulus’ face.

“He just had to sit quietly for a moment.”

Regulus rolled his eyes. James had to sit quietly whenever you did something questionable. Regulus pulled his attention off of James. As much as he was relieved to apparently have James Potter in his corner now, Regulus didn’t want to think about him at the moment. He had a feeling that he was going to be watched by James anytime the two of you were within inches of each other. This was going to make snogging be a bit difficult. Hopefully, he wouldn’t just come bursting into the room at any given time.

Looking around your room, Regulus couldn’t help but smile. Everything was comfy and screamed your name. For the first time, in a long time, Regulus felt safe. Knowing that he didn’t have to go back home was a welcomed thought.

Your fingers unbuttoning his shirt quickly got Regulus’ attention. He watched with amused eyes as you pushed the garment off of his shoulders.

“What are you doing? I don’t think messing around tonight would be a good idea. I would hate for your father to walk in with me between your legs.”

You blushed before pulling Regulus into a kiss. Everything seemed to even out at this moment. Regulus’ trembling hands seemed to steady as he wrapped an arm around your waist to keep your body against his.

“Oh, we aren’t having sex tonight. You need some rest.”

You kissed Regulus once more before getting off of his lap to pull down the duvet. Regulus smirked when he noticed the bunny-themed sheets.

“Bunnies?”

You blushed.

“I’ve had these for years.”

“I like them.”

Regulus commented before taking his place on the side of the bed by the door. He knew that he had nothing to protect you from in your home but it felt right sleeping on this side.

“You do not.”

You replied with a snort before getting into bed beside him and snuggling down to his chest. Regulus’ long fingers toyed with your hair.

“I do because it's all you. Everything about you is good...except when you're hungry then you get a little mouthy.”

The two of you laughed quietly until Regulus turned on his side. He was more than ready to go to sleep and forget the bad part of the current day.

“Want to know the best part about this arrangement other than not having to be apart?”

“What’s that?”

Regulus asked with a yawn.

“We get to have our first Christmas together. Happy Christmas a day early.”

Regulus kissed your forehead before snuggling back into the pillow.

“Happy Christmas, darling.”

_________

@amelie-black @truly-insatiable @fific7 @realgaytrash @lucasfilms77 @quuenofblacks @jessyballet @knreidy1 @acciosiriusblack @whymyparentscheckmyphone @criminalyetminimal @bennyberry @teletubiswszpilkach @exhsle @hazncalsgal @rubyroscoe1 @spiderxalmighty @brokencasbutt67-writer @authoressskr @fandom-trash-worth-it @hankypranky @summer-novak @li0nh34rt @tas898 @shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @knight-of-gleefulness @untoldshortsofthefandoms @sprnaturallover @deanwherescas @stuckinsaudi1 @shitfaceddaniel @wontlookaway @mycuddlycorner

[matrixaffiliate]

Like the Storybooks

Co-written with @hufflepuffmarlenemckinnon​

FFN and AO3

Chapter 4

There was no rest for the weary, or at least it felt that way to Sirius as he made his way out of the Royal offices, after yet another long evening of trying to help James hold the bloody crown that none of them had been ready for him to wear.

With significant help from Sir Remus, they finalized the plans for the defenses of the borderlands and had a contingency for surrounding and blockading the castle at Semprapuria. He’d hoped he was good and done for the night. He’d been restless the night prior and the moment he closed his eyes he saw his brother Regulus’s face. His face as it had been all those years ago. That child’s face, and the look of disappointment in his eyes stuck with Sirius more than anything. He couldn’t meet him now, as a man on a battlefield… The thought was sickening. He was fairly confident now that he wouldn’t need to, at least not at this juncture. But he was nearly dizzy with fatigue and not in the mood to hand out favors. Was pointing out the weaknesses in his own family not enough for one day?

It seemed as if it wasn’t. At least not according to the resident Princess at court, who apparently had a penchant for wandering the halls late at night. As soon as Sirius saw her approaching, he sighed, mourning the moments of peace that were slipping from his grasp as she took his arm.

Which in and of itself was strange and forward behavior, but she was James’s cousin so what else could he expect, really?

“So listen,” she said quietly, “I need your help with something.”

“Unless you need help being pointed in the vague direction of ‘elsewhere’ then you’re out of luck, Princess. I’m kicking off for the night.”

She didn’t flinch at the less than proper form of address. She was the very image of the princess in a fairy story filled with tales of honor and chivalry. Sirius would know because he’d read them all in his youth. They’d served as a good tool in forgetting that he was the son of Walburga Black and giving him something to mold himself after. He got the impression that Princess Marlene didn’t have to mold herself to the likeness of Guinevere of Cornwall or Nimue of the Lake. He may have read those tales voraciously but she‘d probably lived them. It wouldn’t have surprised him if she’d once been held captive by a dragon in a tower. He’d imagined, given this whole air that bounced off her just as the light reflected off her gold-blonde hair, that she’d get indignant over the teasing. He had to remind himself again that she was James’s cousin, of course, she’d find no fault in the mocking use of her title.

“It’s not something you have to do today. Here. We’ll walk while I explain. That can only help.”

She had a glint of mischief in her bright blue eyes. Sirius wasn’t sure what to make of that, or of her in general. He’d grown up hearing James’ tales of ‘Cousin Marly’ and this woman was not at all what he’d pictured. It was too much of a task for his already tired mind to adjust his view of the world to one where this person could exist. He needed at least a good night’s sleep before even starting in on that, and besides, what did it matter? What did she want with him anyway?

“It’ll help what? Your ability to multitask?”

“Charming.” She rolled her eyes, “No. It’ll help for us to be seen together.” Her tone was as casual and mocking as his own.

Sirius did a very poor job at reigning in his facial expressions. Another product of exhaustion, he supposed. He felt himself blink several times in quick succession, and shake his head slightly so as to reorient. King James’s cousin Marly was a right nutter. That was the only logical conclusion.

“What are you playing at?”

“You heard me yesterday. Being a very marriageable heiress to the throne has gotten to be unmanageable. I thought that you could help me out by being something of a decoy. If they think that I’m spoken for perhaps the Lords of Lechery will find a new hobby.”

Sirius didn’t have the patience for this. Not today. “A decoy? You do realize that I have a job? I lead armies, I’ll have you know. I’m not concerned with matters that merely inconvenience you with the company of Gilderoy bloody Lockhart.” He heard the sharp edges in his voice and hated the sound of them, while still feeling completely incapable of softening them out.

“Well, first of all, it isn’t JUST Lockhart, and secondly, have you ever had to endure an attempted wooing from Gilderoy Lockhart? It’s a sight worse than inconvenient. It’s painful.”

She was smiling. Apparently unperturbed by his shortness, she smiled at him like they were just having a laugh. She was a very strange person and he was fairly sure this was an act in case there was anyone watching. What was she really thinking?

He reminded himself that he didn’t really care. He just wanted to be alone. The past six months had left him without an ounce of energy to care about the inner workings of a very strange storybook princess.

“I’m terribly sorry Princess. And not all amused by your predicament and don’t plan to watch you squirm.” His voice dripped with sarcasm. He really didn’t have the patience for this. “It’s a pity that I can’t help, seeing as we’d never be a believable match anyway. So… hurry along. Go find some other gentleman to be part of your nonsense.”

He’d not had to deal with any sort of romantic propositions in quite some time, but he’d had plenty of experience in dissuading that sort of thing, back in his first few years at court. Now it was accepted fact that he was married to the concept of honor and chivalry. Chastity was a virtue that only the truest knights in stories could embody. He was a true knight and the King’s man; like Sir Galahad to King Arthur. He would never marry.

Or that was what he liked for people to believe anyhow, and it was close enough to the truth. It just neglected to mention that it was all tied up in the issue of where he came from and who he wanted the world to think he was.

But regardless of his careful avoidances of romantic pursuits in the past, he’d never had to fend off anything quite like this. This was a princess, and also a madwoman. Why did it have to be now? He was in no shape to deal with any of this.

“I asked you because you’re really the most believable person that came to mind.”

He nearly stopped in his tracks. He was going to be on the block for regicide if James had gone loose-lipped about Sirius being the erstwhile heir to a rather significant Duchy that had recently declared itself a sovereign state. He hated the thought of people… courtiers… his own men… forming judgments of his character based on the unfortunate circumstances of his birth. He’d gone through the trouble of earning a reputation as a fine knight and a decent person and he was not going to have Walburga ruining all that too. He often wished the lie were true. James should have been his family.

But also James should bloody well be quiet. He really hoped he’d misunderstood the implications of what she’d said.

“You think people will believe an unlanded knight of illegitimate birth is a likely match for the heir to the throne?” He attempted to keep his voice steady and casual. Mostly he thought he sounded tired. Because he was tired. So so tired.

“I think we’re the best-looking people at court and it would be logical if not expected for us to pair off.” She looked at him as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Well, that was not what he was expecting. It was… or it should have been… good news, since now he had no cause for murderous feelings towards the anointed King. But there was a large part of him that just wanted to scream at Princess Marlene to start behaving like a normal human being because this was beyond odd and he was bloody exhausted.

Who the hell says something like that? It wasn’t… particularly inaccurate… at least with regard to the Princess’ own personal beauty, upon consideration. That didn’t make it any less strange to hear out loud.

“Wow. Nice ego you’ve got there, Princess,” was all he could manage as a retort. He felt ashamed of himself. A year ago he’d have never guessed that he’d be too tired to think of a really good barb, well before midnight and at only 22. It was a crying shame.

She rolled her eyes again, “You know that I’m right.”

Was she? He had never gone to the trouble of considering how he’d place in a court-wide beauty contest. He looked… like his mother. She was beautiful and untouchable. He hated seeing her in the mirror, but he had to concede that he was glad she hadn’t been evil and also a hideous toad. It was never really a bad thing when a very pretty (very strange) high born lady expressed a favorable opinion of his appearance. She certainly hadn’t been the first, only the strangest.

“Thanks, I guess?” The words sounded disgustingly genuine coming out. He’d lost his tenuous hold on his courtier mask. She really should have left him alone tonight. He would have been much more fun after a good night’s rest.

He’d have probably been better looking as well, for that matter. He laughed at the absurdity of the whole thing. What difference did it make if he had no competition in that department according to Princess Marlene? What difference did it make in general?

“For what?” Her guard dropped for a split second, and Sirius saw the crease of a soul in her face, but it was gone in an instant.

“You just said I’m the most attractive gentleman at court? Or has this all been a delirium induced dream?”

She laughed, a short sound that coming from anyone else would have been a snort, but she'd managed to make that more graceful somehow. She really defied all logic. Princess Marlene should not rightly have been a real person. But there she was. Rolling her extremely blue blue eyes at him, letting go of his arm in order to flail her unnaturally graceful arms about more dramatically. “Come off it. I wasn’t paying you a compliment. Why do people have to be so tetchy about these matters? It’s not as if you’ve never seen your own reflection.”

“Well, we can all be assured you’ve spent plenty of time staring into a looking glass.” Another weak barb. He accompanied it with an attempt at a knowing smirk. He wasn’t living up to his reputation for being charming and witty. But she had stuck around after he told her she’d best not, so it shouldn’t have upset him if she thought he was rather less impressive than rumors suggested. Why was he upset?

Probably because he was still awake.

“I’m well aware of what I look like, I don't need to spend hours in front of a looking glass. And you have no reason to say no to my proposition. I’ve asked around and know that you’re unattached. It’s not as if you have to actually marry me or anything, I'd prefer you didn't actually. Just keep away the pests until Queen Lily produces an heir.”

He had to gather up his reserves to finish this rather unwelcome melee that the Princess had insisted upon. He would need to perform a feint to make it work, but Sirius was, if nothing else, confident in his sparring abilities. He took a deep breath and dredged up every ounce of charm that he had left in his exhausted being. This was going to work.

“You know what? I take back what I said.”

“So you’ll help me?” He would have laughed at the hopeful look on her face, but he was too exhausted to do so without risking falling into a fit of laughter that circled back around to laughing at himself and what his life had become. It was better avoided, so he just shook his head.

“No, not at all. I meant that I am going to really enjoy watching you squirm.” Satisfied that he’d been the victor, he sped up his pace and headed off to his own chambers, in pursuit of a moment’s peace.

[maraudersandlily20]

So, Talk

It was a bad day. A day when Sirius was angry at everyone for no apparent reason. It had started at breakfast. He had received a letter from a name that Remus didn’t recognize. He had watched him open it, soaking in the words quickly before his eyes turned dark. And it went downhill fast after that. It started with him snapping at Peter for dropping some butter on the table. Then he glared at Lily who was talking about a date she was planning a date with James in the corridor. But when he yelled at Marlene for asking what was wrong with him, Remus knew it was time to step in.

He sat down beside Marlene to give her a quick hug. Sirius’s harsh words had really cut into her and her eyes were watering. She reassured him that she was fine. He sighed in frustration before getting to his feet and following his boyfriend up to their dorm.

He found Sirius on the floor. It was a strange habit that Remus had noticed him do when he was upset. Sirius was staring up at the ceiling, quiet, eyebrows furrowed in thought. After thinking for a moment, Remus moved and sat beside him, studying him. Sirius said nothing. He knew Remus was in there, beside him, but he felt like he had nothing to say.

“So… are you going to talk about it?”

Sirius looked over at him. The anger and hurt in his eyes was evident, but he still said nothing.

“Come on, Black. You’ve been angry all day, at everyone. You were quick with Peter this morning, you’ve barely looked at James or Lily all day and when you did, it was to glare at them, and then that whole conversation with Marlene.” Sirius sighed, shutting his eyes against Remus’ words. “So, what is it?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Too bad. You have to. This can’t continue for one more day. Whatever it is, you have to talk about it. So, talk.”

The silence was thick between them, but Sirius knew that his boyfriend was right. He did need to talk about it. Badly. But he wasn’t sure how to find the words. He did the only think he could think of, he just talked.

“My uncle was the only one who cared about me. Even from childhood. He would visit every few months, taking me and Regulus out to get sweets or to the cinema, or whatever it was the day. My mother hated him. They were blood siblings of course, and his unwavering support of me always angered her. He was always the one that kept in touch, always wrote me letters, gave me quite a bit of gold in my bank account. He even told me he wrote me as the sole inheritor of his fortune.” Remus could hear how his throat was tightening, as if he was fighting back tears. “He uh… he was getting sicker, the past couple of times he had written me. I know he was trying to hide it, but his time was running out. He died, two weeks ago. And no one told me about it. My other uncle, Cygnus, wrote me this morning. They didn’t even… invite me to the funeral. It was on Friday. 4 days ago.”

“Sirius,” Remus whispered, his heart breaking for the boy he loved.

“No, it’s fine. I expected it. Alphard loved me more than most of my relatives, but there was always a part of me that resented him. He told me he couldn’t take me in, that he had to maintain his respect from the family. He still wrote me, but it took me a while to write him back. I was grateful that he didn’t grow to resent me for being petty. But I was angry. Always angry. About everything. He never let that get in his way, no matter how upset with him I was.”

Remus knew a little about Sirius being cut off from his family. He knew that it had happened after a family dinner and that after, Sirius had run away and found solace with the Potters. It was the basics of the story, but it was all Sirius had been willing to share. Not even James knew, and he had been the one to answer the door.

Alphard had been the last link to the Black family that Sirius had. He had remained in contact with him for the two years that Sirius had been exiled and labelled as a blood traitor. And now he was gone and Siris had no one. Remus knew that this must be an incredibly hard truth to face, that the family he had identified with for years no longer wanted him and that he would never get them back. Everything that Sirius Black had to do with the Black name was dust in the wind. It must hurt.

“Sirius. What happened when you left your family? That night, when you went to the Potters. You don’t talk about it. Maybe it’s time you do?”

Sirius swallowed. He shifted his body until his head rested in Remus’ lap. His boyfriend began carding his fingers through his hair and it visibly relaxed him. After a few moments, he spoke. “It was a Sunday dinner. Usual and awkward. My mother and I had gotten into a huge fight just hours before. About Andromeda.”

“Andromeda?”

“My cousin. She married Theodore Tonks, or Ted as he liked to be called, and he was a muggleborn. She was disowned, obviously, but she was the sweetest woman I had ever known. I loved her. And I told my mother so. It infuriated her. She went off, saying that I had no respect for the family name, that I was a disgrace to everything we stood for. I called her a miserable old hag, said that I hated her. And we went in for dinner. Half way through the meal, Regulus asked a simple question, about Andromeda’s mother. I’m not sure why he did, how could he have known that we had argued about that. I saw the look in her eyes. She threw dishes at me, yelling and screaming and cursing me. I tried to fend her off, even jumped in front of Regulus to protect him. My father finally grabbed hold of her to stop her, but she was screaming about how I wasn’t her son, I wasn’t a Black, and she never wanted to see me again.”

Sirius opened his eyes and looked up at Remus. Remus said nothing, but gave him a reassuring smile. With the support and love practically radiating off of his boyfriend, he continued.

“So I left. I did what she asked. I packed up all of the clothes I could and while no one paid attention that night, I slipped out the front door. I headed to uncle Alphard’s first. He let me in, fed me dinner, and told me I couldn’t stay. I was angry and sad, but hungry. I had walked for hours to get to his house. He let me floo to a house of a friend of his near the Potters. They weren’t expecting me, of course. But they opened the door anyway.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was cold for April. Sirius wrapped his arms around himself, trying to ward off the chill in the air. His suitcase rolled along behind him without him pulling it. He was disheartened after his interaction with his uncle, hearing his rejection of letting Sirius stay with him echo in his head. He was tired and sad but couldn’t muster the energy to cry anymore until he reached the Potters.

That is where he was going. He knew if there was any place in the world that would accept him, even as a blood traitor, it was the Potter household. He reached the house, exhausted from the distance, and came to the front door. Taking a deep breath, he wrapped a few times. The noises from the house were warm and friendly. He could hear the music from under the door and the rambunctious laughter from the three people inside. The music from the record stopped after they realized someone was at the door. He heard James walk toward the door and threw it open.

Sirius wondered what James saw. His best friend standing, long faced and disheartened with a backpack and a suitcase with him. He imagined that he had a sizeable bruise on hi face from a plate his mother had thrown rather suddenly. And his eyes were red rimmed, from the crying. James’ eyes widened at the sight.

“Sirius?”

He couldn’t help but sniff. He felt pathetic and looked it as well. His best friend immediately grabbed hold of his shoulders, worried that Sirius might fall over. “What happened, mate? What are you doing here?”

“Can I come in?”

“Of course.” James moved out of the way and ushered his best friend inside the house. He set his luggage down and then turned suddenly and grabbed James in a tight hug. He could feel the surprise from James, but his best mate didn’t let his surprise at the gesture stop him from reciprocating. Sirius and James had never been the comforting type of friends, so moments like this were rare. James held Sirius tightly, feeling his friend start to shake.

“Are you alright?”

Sirius shook his head against his shoulder, trying to steady himself. “My family… they… they…” But he couldn’t finish. James simply nodded, rubbing a soothing hand along Sirius’ back. The Potter parents came into the front foyer and saw their son and his best friend holding tight to one another.

“Sirius? What are you doing here?” Euphemia asked, watching as Sirius pulled away, tears streaking down his face.

“I’m sorry for intruding, Mrs. Potter. It’s just… well… my family kicked me out. For good this time. I was hoping I could stay the night until I found something more permanent.”

The Potters all looked shocked at the admittance. They were painfully aware of Sirius’ negative relationship with his family, but they never expected them to disown him. Euphemia and Fleamont shared a look, sympathy and heartache in their eyes. Euphemia looked to her son and watched him place a reassuring hand on Sirius’ neck, with a tight smile on his face. And she knew what she had to do. “Of course you can stay, Sirius. But not just for tonight. We have plenty of space in this large old house, there is enough room for you to move in.”

Sirius’ eyes bulged. “M-Move in? Are you sure, Mrs. Potter? I wouldn’t want to be an inconvenience.”

“Stuff and nonsense, Sirius Black. You are practically one of our family anyway, might as well make it official and have you come live with us. I don’t think you’ll be too much of a bother, considering how loud it already is in this house.”

“You mean it? I can stay?”

“Of course Sirius. We wouldn’t want it any other way.” Sirius couldn’t contain himself and threw himself onto her in a huge hug. She laughed happily, wrapping in the loving arms of a mother. Sirius heard James and Fleamont high five, and knew that this is what it felt like to be home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remus studied Sirius’ face as he remembered the night he moved in with the Potters. Neither he or James had ever spoken about it in detail, so it was a shock to hear how hard Sirius had taken being disowned. He was grateful, more than ever, for the Potters and their unconditional love for James’ rabble of friends. The fact that they opened their home to Sirius made Remus love them all the more.

Sirius took in a deep breath before looking up at Remus. “It’s funny. Thinking about the Potters makes the grief hurt a little less. I didn’t think that would happen.”

“It’s because you remember the family that DOES love you, and how being accepted by them made your life easier. It’s nice to have good memories alongside the bad ones, and the Potters gave you that. You got pretty lucky, when you met James all those years ago.”

“You’re right. I lucked out in a lot of ways on that first train ride. I met James, who I would one day move in with and become a part of his family. I met Lily, even though she was friends with a complete loser at the time, and now she cares more about me than any other woman I have ever known. I met Peter, that wanker of a man, and he always makes me laugh. And all of that is well and good, but...” Sirius got up, onto his knees and turned to face his boyfriend. “But even if I had never met them, even if I had been sorted into Slytherin or whatever the hell else, I honestly don’t know if I would have made it without you.”

Remus’ eyes widened at the confession. He knew he loved Sirius, more than anything. And he hoped Sirius felt the same. But neither of them were overtly romantic in their interactions, so this confession caught him by surprise. He wondered if Sirius was going to actually say the words.

Sirius cleared his throat. “I know you and I don’t usually… say stuff like this. But I’ve lost a lot of things in my life, Remus Lupin, and I swear to god, if I have to lose you too, it will absolutely ruin me. So… I just want you to know that I love you. It terrifies me. And I may never say it again after this, but I love you. And you are all I ever want.”

The smile that Remus gives him is one of adoration and simplicity and pure happiness. He reaches forward and cups Sirius’ face in his hands. “I love you too, you daft idiot.” And Sirius kisses him. After a few moments, Remus pulls back. “But I hope you know that you have to apologize to everyone you were mean to today.” Sirius rolled his eyes.

“Whatever you say, Moons.” He was kissing him again, then, pushing him back until Remus was on the ground and Sirius was on top of him, slowly unbuttoning his shirt. The blush that warmed the tall boys skin spread to his entire body, and for some inexplicable reason, Remus forgot what they were talking about.

This story is for @religious-pizza-roll. For no particular reason other than I love her and she always reads my stories and the fact that she exists makes my life happy. Kenz, you are the pizza roll of my heart. 

I’m also hoping if I post this early, I might actually write some new stuff later today. If you have any prompts or ideas or anything you want to read, please send them to me! Get my creative juices flowing!! 

[professordrarry]

I’m so glad that I know you! You make me smile always!!!! Jessie Ware - Alone Either of our slash boys!

For my bestie, JLPierre, the most supportive and lovely of humans, there with me since the beginning of my Tumblr journey. I’m sorry this got so long 😂 Jessie Ware - Alone Together, Wolfstar or Drarry

“Say, I won’t make the same mistakes when we’re older/

Cause I want you on my skin and my bones/

Knocking me off my feet…

never need somebody else to call my name

No, I don’t want somebody else….“

Remus stalked across to the bar, senses heightened, hyper-aware of three things: first, that the music in this place was perfect. Heart-stoppingly loud, rhythmic and sort of frightening, drowning out the ability to think or feel or experience anything except the pounding beat.

Second, he was incredibly overdressed for this experience, in a button up with a sweater vest hastily thrown on top, corduroys that were at least half an inch too short, and shoes that had quite possibly formerly been Peter’s — meaning they were too small and also irreparably scuffed.

Third, and possibly most important, he was extremely, entirely, altogether too worried about Sirius in this moment. Which Sirius would definitely pay for once Remus was no longer concerned for his physical and mental safety.

When he finally managed to track his way across the floor to the bar, flag down a cute-but-not-overly-intelligent bartender, Remus had officially become Worked Up. His first three attempts to inquire about Sirius led to confused glares. Finally, he used his height for good, leveraged himself across the bar and managed to whisper into the bartender’s ear.

“Short bloke, very little clothing, magnificent hair. Tattoo across his collar bones,” Remus shouted.

Finally, the bartender smiled. Obviously, Sirius had frequented this flat expanse many times that evening, and Remus grew more worried. Sometimes when Sirius got like this he didn’t actually drink. Those nights were far easier and less physically demanding. Remus sighed as he followed the point. He found that it just directed him towards a large tangle of barely dressed men gyrating in a large mass on the dance floor.

Remus swerved and looped between them, moving his hips when necessary, encountering more than one friendly grope, stretching just out of reach of a near orgy level group near the middle until he found the constantly spinning form of one Sirius Black.

He moved closer and shouted into his ear from behind, hoping to scare him.

“Do you know what time it is?”

He hoped he sounded angry but he suspected he just sounded loud.

Sirius didn’t even flinch. He leaned back into Remus’ chest and nuzzled at his ear.

“So you changed your mind?” he shouted back. “That’s good. I was beginning to think I would have to go home alone.”

Remus pushed him off. “No you idiot, I came to make sure you weren’t dead!”

Sirius shrugged and whirled around, exposed hips gyrating as the beat changed again. The shift of his skin under the lights, pale and almost shimmering, darkening where a trail of soft hair met his trouser button. The rise of his barely-present shirt dragging Remus’ eyes to the dark and indecipherable edge of his rib tattoo, a thin line of ink that seemed meaningless. His hair was drawn back and soaking, a thong of leather pulling the curls into a barely contained mess at the base of his neck. He had his eyes closed as his arms swung above his head.

Remus was temporarily distracted from his anger by the overwhelming sensation of possessive jealousy. Sirius looked gorgeous, but what was worse was that he very aware that everyone saw his sultry gorgeousness. If Sirius had intentionally preened, he couldn’t have looked more self-satisfied. Remus wanted to growl and grab him by the wrist, get him away from leering eyes but he clenched his fists and turned to walk away.

His hips were suddenly wrenched into a grasp, his arse pulled, arms circling his neck and making him feel suffocated.

“So you really just are going to leave me here. Here, with all these men,” Sirius’ voice said in his ear. It was probably meant to be sultry and deep, but the shout necessary ruined the effect and Remus pushed away again.

“I wish you’d just be angry,” Sirius screamed. “Fucking punch me or some shit. Stop walking away.”

“You’re drunk, Black. What would be the point?” Remus answered, walking away backwards.

Sirius’ face fell; Remus’ words had had their desired effect. He followed behind as Remus turned and shoved his way back off the dance floor. When they finally made it out of the crowded centre, Remus barely paused long enough to check that he still had company before he pushed open the door, into the city evening and feeling immediately bereft and broken from the silence and the loss of the beat shaking his bones. He had to fight the urge to just go back inside, strip off his vest and ignore every problem for the sake of having his thoughts drowned out for an hour or two.

“Don’t call me that. Ever again,” Sirius hissed loudly, hours of being in the noise making his voice loud and harsh.

“What… Black? It’s your name, isn’t it?” Remus replied, a biting spit of words that dragged his anger back to the surface.

“Only when I mess everything up,” Sirius said, tugging ineffectually at the hem of his too short t-shirt.

“Just drop the melodramatics, Sirius. Seriously. We’re nearly 25… How much longer do you plan on running off into a night of binging every time you are slightly uncomfortable?”

“Rem, do you think you can just take me home?” Sirius murmured, suddenly sounding soft and wounded, exhausted and ancient.

Remus anger melted in the look of vulnerable wounded pride on Sirius’ face, and he dropped his eyes to the pavement.

“Do you think you can do that for me?” Sirius added. “I would promise to stop being an asshole but —”

“Don’t ever promise that, Pads. We wouldn’t recognize you,” Remus said, allowing a slight smile that shifted a small bit of the sadness out of Sirius’ unfocused, drunken eyes.

He grew suddenly solemn and stepped up to Remus. “Stay angry a minute more, Rem. I… Well, I let this bloke kiss me.”

Remus tried not to smile, put his hand on Sirius’ shoulder and leaned in close.

“Sirius, you do realise you still have bruises on your hips from last night and a mark on your neck from this morning?” he said, letting his voice fall close as he murmured in his ear.

“You are mine, darling,” he continued. ”Even when you make me want to kill you. I’m imprinted on your soul. You let as many blokes kiss you as you need. Just remember what I’ll do for you when you finally come back home.”

Without waiting for an answer, Remus grabbed Sirius by the hand and spun them home.

By the time they had landed, Sirius was already half asleep. Remus had little hope of getting him in the shower, but also had a desperate need to do just that. He smelt like a sewer and a movie theatre floor and a bar all rolled into one, and even if he slept on the sofa, he’d smell it all night otherwise.

They landed in the living room to find James pacing and Peter passed out, and Lily with a piece of parchment spread across her knees.

“I see you found him,” James said, lacking emotion and making Lily look up.

“I found him,” Remus said shortly. “Shower, then bed. You can all sleep now. We’ll talk in the morning.”

“You’d better take this, though,” Lily replied, offering the parchment.

Remus didn’t question, just nodded and took it from James when he passed it between them. Sirius was still slumped on his shoulder, and James hoisted his other side gently.

“I’ll help,” he muttered in answer to Remus’ gaze. It had been too long a day for Remus to protest.

They got him into the tub, and Remus looked pointedly at James. He cleared his throat and backed away but lingered at the door for a moment.

“Try not to be too mad at him,” James begged. “At least not until you’ve read the letter.”

Remus nodded. He wasn’t actually angry at all. Just tired. Tired of this being the regular cycle.

“Do you think this will ever stop, Prongs? As we get older?”

“You mean the Black’s being terrible people, or Sirius caring that they are?” James said sadly.

“It doesn’t really matter, does it? The answer to both questions is no. Still…”

“I know Remus. Just give him as much as you can, yeah?”

“James—”

“No, no. That wasn’t me saying you don’t. I just mean… Don’t stop, okay?”

Remus stood from where he was knelt beside Sirius and hugged James tightly. He pulled back from the embrace, nodded once in a strange, manly, not very James-like way and pointed to the tub.

“Get him to bed, yeah?”

Remus showered Sirius quickly, all vanished clothes and ineffective scrubbing, spending the most time with hair that he hastily dried with a charm (he’d get in trouble for that tomorrow). By the time he was done, Sirius was groggily aware of the world again, and Remus half-dragged him to bed, his weight dragging them both into a weird, winding gait. As soon as he dumped Sirius into bed, Remus pulled the now crumpled parchment close to his face and lit the tip of his wand to read it.

The words were hate and vitriol. Careful, educated script, full of flowery letters that wrote hideous things. Apparently, Sirius had elected to tell his mother that he was never coming home again. But the words that followed were not what had prompted this, not what had caused the spiral of sadness that had led Remus into Muggle London at 3 am. Those were all words he’d heard before.

It was the last paragraph that had been the culprit. He knew, just as James had, as soon as he read it.

You obviously will not care, as you have elected to disgrace this entire family and your ancestors. I feel the need to tell you, however, that your younger brother is to be wed at the end of the summer. You will not attend.

Regulus. It always came down to Regulus. Sirius was not as complicated as he liked to pretend he was; he cared more than he should about a very small number of people. Anyone who stood in his way of caring for them immediately earned his spite and woe betide them that got in his way. Since that number included Regulus, his mother had long since worked out that she could always wound Sirius.

Remus sighed, and Sirius shifted closer in a half-asleep nuzzle.

“We’ll just go anyway, silly man,” he whispered, pulling slightly damp hair from his mouth. “Always the dramatics.”

“I never forget, you know,” Sirius murmured. “That I’m yours? You’re imprinted on my bones, etched into my skin.”

“Good. Now go to sleep.”

“We’ll go anyway?”

“Obviously, idiot.”

[fuckkerydicckery]

Sirius and Lily

Quitely Sirius Black walked down the stairs into the Gryffindor common room, it was three in the morning but Sirius couldn't fall asleep. He tried to just lay in bed and hope he would but his mind was racing with thoughts he couldn’t escape. Mostly about his family, at this point, he stopped talking to them. His brother- Regulus- wouldn’t even look him in the eye. Sirius thought his brother would at least talk to him, or acknowledge him. Before Reg was sorted into Slytherin, before Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor, before anything- they got along. Over the past few years, Sirius slowly distanced himself from the Black family, until he fully moved into the Potter's house. He knew that his parents told Regulus to ignore Sirius, to disown his brother. Sirius told his friends he was okay with it, but deep down he wished his brother would at least talk to him or acknowledge him.

Sirius stood on the bottom step to look over the common room.It was pitch black except for the fact a small fire was burning in the fireplace. The common room seemed much bigger when no one was in it, he had it all to himself. He was debating sitting on the couch or the chair when he heard a quiet sniffle. Sirius quickly looked behind him and all around the room to see if someone was visible or watching him, but he seemed all alone. He took a step closer to the chair when he heard another sniffle, once again he looked around to find himself alone. Sirius took another step but this time he stepped on a creaky floorboard causing it to make a creaking noise. He saw a head pop up from the couch, but he couldn’t see the face because of how dark it was.

“Hello?” The head said to Sirius, he could tell it was a girls voice. He recognized the voice but he couldn’t pinpoint it. Sirius continued to walk toward the couch, replying to the girl.

“Sorry for bugging you, I just couldn’t sleep.” Sirius got close enough to recognize the girl- Lily Evans.

“It’s fine,” Lily replied eyeing Sirius as he sat down on the chair. She was wrapped in a few blankets, gripping a letter. Sirius saw that she had tear stains on her cheeks but decided to not mention it. Lily Evans kept looking at him, he could tell she was trying to string a few words together to start a conversation but she didn’t say a word. Sirius was twirling his long hair from his fingers, he was thinking it was a mistake going down to the common room. Sirius was debating going back to his dormitory, but somehow he felt comfort with Lily being with him- even though there was an awkward feeling in the air. After a few minutes, Lily stopped starting at Sirius and looked at her letter. Sirius could tell she was taking in each word, he could see tears forming in her eyes, and every once in awhile she would put down the letter and take a slow deep breath trying to calm down. Sirius wanted to know what was in the letter causing Lily to get so upset. The letter itself was around two pages but Lily kept reading it over and over again, he wondered what was going through her mind.

Sirius started to hum a song he didn’t know what song he was humming to but he continued to hum. Quite frankly Sirius was bored out of his mind. Evans wasn’t talking to him and there was nothing else he could do. Soon Sirius noticed he was tapping out the rhythm of the song with his hands and his humming got gradually louder.

“Do you mind?” Evans snapped at him, Sirius looked her dead in the eye and continued to hum and tap his hand this time louder than before she talked to him. He heard Lily groan and slam her letter onto the table.

“You realize your not the only person in the room Sirius?” Lily quietly yelled at him, something about her getting mad made Sirius stop.

“I do, but I’m just trying to distract myself from my pending thoughts about my terrible life.” He told Lily. He saw her shake her head in disbelief.

“How terrible can your life be? You come from a noble family, one of the best wizard-”

“Let me stop you right there Evans,” Sirius interrupted Lily, “you know how terrible my family is. How they agree with the Dark Lord, how they think they are superior above everyone. So why are you saying that my life is perfect?” Sirius was sick and tired of everyone thinking he had it easy. He saw Lily mouth sorry then pick up her letter.

“I don't have many friends and within the span of a year, I have lost my two best friends. Severus, and my sister, Petunia.” Lily started to explain to Sirius, she didn’t know why she was telling him. But she needed to tell someone how she felt.

“Ever since I got into Hogwarts, Petunia has grown to hate me. I think because I left her because now I'm our parent's favorite daughter. They have forgotten about her, which is reasonable. Not every day you learn that your daughter is a witch. For the past six years she’s been so distant, whenever I went home she would ignore me. But recently she's become worse, when I recently went home she kept calling me names like ‘freak’ and ‘misfit’. I ignored her at first, but slowly it's been catching up with me. And it hurts a lot, your sibling hating you.” Lily explained, her voice started to crack when she finished. Tears started to flow down her face, she quickly wiped her face with one of her blankets. But she continued to cry, soon she was bawling. Lily tried to speak but her voice was cracked and her sobs replaced her words.

Sirius felt for Lily, he knew exactly how she felt. He knew how much it hurt when a sibling ignored you.

“I guess I feel the same,” Siris began, “ ever since I moved in with James my brother has ignored me. He won't even look at me. I get that we have our differences, we are different people. We both have changed over the last few years, out relationship was affected when I was sorted into Gryffindor and once again when he was sorted into Slytherin. He became the golden child and I became the embarrassment. I thought we could continue our relationship, or at least try to rebuild it or something along those lines. But we can’t, Reg will always be my parent's puppets. He does whatever my parents ask him. My guess is they told him to ignore me, so he did.” Sirius sighed, he never told anyone about this. Never in his wildest dreams, he would expect him telling his life story to Lily Evans. He noticed that Lily had calmed down as he was telling his story, she was nodding along and he could tell she related to Sirius.

“It’s the worst Sirius, the absolute worse. But I rather have Petunia ignore me then send me this-”

Lily gave the letter to Sirius and told him to read it out loud.

“Lily, you are my sister. You were my sister, but not anymore. Over the years you have clearly chosen what's more important in your life. And you chose that school for people like you. Those people are freaks, like yourself. Mum and Dad clearly think your steller but I can clearly see that this school is nothing more than a scam for nutjobs. You say that you're perfect like that makes you important. It doesn’t Lily, why would it matter if this school doesn't’ teach you anything worth your while. You will never have a career nor a life, and I promise you I will never support you ever. You made your choice choosing the school.  Now you are mum and dads golden child but soon Lily they will see what a waste the school is. What a waste you are. You're not special, you aren’t gifted, you’re nothing Lily. Nothing at all. You're worthless, to me and to the family. Whenever people ask if I have siblings I tell them I don't have one, because you aren’t my sister. You will never ever be my Sister.” Sirius read.

Sirius couldn’t believe what the letter read, he knew it wasn’t true. Lily was the best in their class, she aced every spell she tried, she was amazing at potions, she would have an amazing career in the wizarding world. Sirius sometimes envied Lily on how good she was, she knew nothing about the world of magic anyone who didn’t know Evans was muggle-born would think she came from a noble wizard family. Sirius came from a wizarding family and he wasn’t as half as good as Evans. Lily once again started to cry, Sirius walked to the couch and sat beside her. He guided Lily’s head to his shoulder for her to cry on.

“Lily this isn’t true!” Sirius affirmed he was petting her head crying to calm her down.

“But what if it is!” Lily cried, “what if this is a joke, what if I can't get a job. What if Sirius, what-” Lily looked up to Sirius hopelessly, his hand was still combing through her hair. She could feel how damp his shirt was now from her tears.

“Lily is isn't and you know this! You are the most talented student in the whole school, you are everything we do, you do good on exams. The teachers love you. Lily, you will do amazing in the wizarding world, I promise you.” Sirius assured Lily, she looked at Sirius then nodded her head and whispered: “thank you”. He continued to comb through her hair as her sobs became quieter and quieter until she was no longer crying. They both sat there in silence, Lily on Sirius' shoulder, Sirius combing through her hair. It was calming for the both of them, for once they understood each other. For years they bickered and had a grudge against them, but for this moment the past was forgotten. For hours they sat there in silence, by the time they spoke again the sun was starting to rise.

“Thank you, Sirius,” Evans said to Sirius smiling, “you’re not as bad as I thought.” Sirius laughed at what Lily said.

“I could say the same thing about you.” Sirius joked, Lily started to laugh but her laughter turned into a yawn. Both of them got up and started to walk towards the staircases to their dormitories.

“Goodnight Sirius.”

“As you, Evans.”

[use-a-little-patience]

Sirius Black Imagine: Bedtime Stories

“Which one do you want to hear?” you asked as you took The Tales of Beedle the Bard from the shelf.

Your six year old daughter looked at you and sighed. You knew she was tired from listening the same stories over and over again. Her favourite was The Tale Of Three Brothers, of course, she loved scary stories which reminded you of her father.

As you sat next to her on bed she looked down at her hands.

“I want a new story.”

You chuckled. Making up new stories wasn’t one of your talents and you knew Sirius could do much better at that, he was a born storyteller.

You thought for a moment. Nothing came to your mind. As a child you were never told stories from your mother - you came from an old, pureblood and wealthy family which taught you a lot - especially what kind of family you don’t want your daughter to have. As a little girl, you used to sleep in a dark room in a cold bed that felt so unfamiliar. You used to believe there was something wrong with you because you didn’t hate muggle borns as your family did.

“Mom?” your daughter woke you from your thoughts.

“Hm?”

“I want to hear about you.”

“Me?”

“Yes. You and dad. How you met him.”

That brought a smile on your face. You felt like a little girl again. Bringing back the memories of how you fell for Hogwarts’ heartbreaker. And how he fell for you. Memories of your best friends Remus, Lily and James and the one you considered as your close friend, but failed - Peter. In seven years while you attended Hogwarts, your whole life changed.

You worked for the Ministry now, being an important official there, you rarely visited Hogwarts, unless your daughter and two older sons did a mischief or something like it.

“That’s a long story love..” you said to her and in an instant you knew that’s just going to fire her curiosity up.

“But mom! You never told me how you met him!”

You tried to calm her down by pushing her down to bed again and cover her up with a blanket.

“Darling look, maybe some other time.”

Your daughter crossed her arms and started pouting.

“Oh don’t give me that look. You are so like your father.” you chuckled.

She didn’t reply, but you knew she wouldn’t go to sleep, even if you promised her you will take her to Honeydukes tomorrow.

“Fine.” you finally gave up. Her face lightened up and she excitedly jumped under her blanket, preparing for a story.

You lied next to her and began.

You and Sirius have known each other since you were infants. His mother was your mother’s best friend and your fathers worked together. You lived with your parents, older sister and younger brother a few blocks away from 12 Grimmauld Place. So you knew him through your family and you two used to play together in the snow and in a nearby park watching muggles living lives much different from yours.

When you entered Hogwarts everything changed. He met James, Remus and Peter and you found yours - Elaine and Debbie, both purebloods. You were both Gryffindors, but he was an outcast and couldn’t stand his family, while you were afraid of losing your own. He became school’s heartthrob, while you were achieving top grades in all subjects. Sometimes you would caught him glacing at you in class and when you did he just smiled and looked away. You two still talked on many occasions, at Quidditch matches, at breakfast and when he copied his homework from you. You cared for him, as a friend back then. It didn’t bother you that he fooled around with girls, you considered him as your very good friend.

You befriended Lily in your third year and as years went on you, two grew closer. She was a muggle born and when your sister found out, she told your parents who almost disowned you from your family. They told you, you were a disgrace to the whole family and that you must stop this insane thing right now.

In that moment you felt your braveness that put you in Gryffindor. In your bones there was no longer fear of losing your family, but losing yourself. So you stood behind your words and actions and you sent your family to hell.

It was your sixth year and you no longer had patience for people like them. You didn’t just tolerate those who thought muggleborns were their inferiors, but you couldn’t stand no one who was much to proud and mighty and that meant James Potter and his best friend Sirius.

When you saw them bullying Severus who happened to be your friend because of Lily, you hexed them both. Yes that sent all three of you to detention, but you didn’t care. You were fearless and brave.

Sirius was amazed by the fire inside of you. You were once a girl afraid of a world she lived in and now you took control over it.

He always payed attention to you. He always thought you were the most beautiful girl in the room. He always cared for you. But when you finally shined in your true light, that’s when he fell in love with you.

James started teasing him about you, but he just shrugged him off as he headed to your dorm. Yes, of course it was forbidden, but did Sirius care? Absolutely not.

He opened the doors of your dorm to find you on your bed with your books and snake (yes, others may had owls, but you were something special) around your hand.

You jumped on your feet, totally surprised while Lily from the other bed just looked at him in awe.

Sirius was speechless. He just stared at you for a moment, before he turned his gaze to Lily.

“Would you mind leaving us for a moment?” he asked her.

Before Lily could argue how dares he come here and that she can’t stand him nor that Potter, you gave her an apologetic look and he left.

Sirius stepped closer to you and finally poured his feelings out to you. As he finished and confessed his love he had for you, you just stood there, not knowing what to say.

“Well?” he asked after some time.

You sighed and took a few steps back.

“Sirius…I have no idea how to say this to you, but I don’t think this is a good idea.”

Sirius was rejected for the first time in his life, beside his family. There was no girl in this school that would ever say no to him, but you did. Out of all people. It had to be you.

He was angry, mad even, at you, but you just said you don’t believe he’s capable of true love for one person. You doubted his feelings and hurt him a lot.

For the next few months he ignored you completely. He loosened up and gave himself to drinks, girls and reckless life.

You however regretted your decision a few weeks later, when you realized that he was truly in love with you. That he cared for you as you cared for him. But it was too late.

In your seventh year, your three years younger brother broke his arm while playing Quidditch. And it was Sirius who brought him to the hospital wing, staying with him until you came.

While you were walking down the white hall full of beds, you noticed a tall, handsome figure standing next to bed at the end of the hall. He was smiling at the patient and you soon realized it was Sirius smiling at your brother.

Yes you cared for your brother, but you were so nervous around Sirius. You were so embarrassed. you could hardly look at him. Your brother was cover in bandages, but happy to see his sister.

“Hi.” You said to Sirius firstly. He said hi back, but then gave you space to talk to your brother.

“(Y/N), you are an absolute idiot.” your brother said to you.

“Excuse me? I have much higher gra-”

“Shut up. You know what I’m talking about. Sirius is completely in love with you and you don’t do anything about it? I know you’re in love with him too. I didn’t forget how you used to talk about him all the time and then when he was disowned you defended him. What on earth is going on with you?”

You looked at Sirius, who was looking out of window, there was something missing..a spark of life that lightened up the room when he entered it.

“Listen, I told him about your crush on him you had on him since you were little-”

“You what?!” you whispered shouted at your brother. Now you were red in the face as a tomato.

“You stupid bimbo!” You smacked your brother’s head, before you quickly left the room.

You heard someone shout your name and suddenly you were spinned around by your wrist and your eyes landed on Sirius.

“Stop running away from me.” He said hurtfully. His eyes were sad, like he had lost everything he has ever loved.

You put your hands on his chest as a sign of giving up and he put his on your cheeks.

Before you could say anything, he kissed you, softly yet full of lust, like he was longing for that kiss since forever.

“Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” you thought, as he kissed you again and again and again.

“And then?” your daughter asked you, with no sign of tiredness in her voice.

“And then…we got married moved in here to take care after your grandmother Walburga, who was crushed after your uncle Regulus’ death. And then your two brothers came and then you and here we are..And soon you’ll go to Hogwarts like your brothers and Harry and Ron.”

She hid her face under a blanket. “I don’t want to.” she said.

You uncovered her to see her sweet angelic face. “Why not?”

“I want to stay here with you.” she said quietly.

You kissed her forehead and tucked her to sleep. After you turned off the lights and left her room, there was a warm feeling that flew over you. There is a whole life ahead of her, you thought. And you and your husband and friends around you are getting older, even tho you are in your thirties and you are still young, there are now people in your life that are far more important than anything in your life. And you must protect them.

You walked up the stairs of your house, to your bedroom. You were already in your sleeping dress, so you just slipped in your bed, under the sheets. You sighed quietly and drifted back to sleep, but before you could do that, two strong arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you closer to the body next you, that belonged to your husband.

“Where have you been for so long?” he said in his low and sleepy voice.

“I was telling our daughter a story.” you replied while you caressed his hand on yours.

Sirius chuckled. “What story? From The Tales of Beedle the Bard?”

“No, she’s tired of them. She wanted to hear about how we've met each other.”

Sirius chuckled again and pulled his body up, so he was supporting it on one arm, while looking down at you.

“That is an interesting story. I hope you didn’t tell her everything.”

You chuckled and punched his arm slightly. “No, of course I did not.”

Sirius laughed, before he looked into your eyes, his face now completely still. He pushed stray of your hair from your face and gently kissed the corner of your lips.

“Remind me again of how you rejected me..” he whispered quietly as he kissed your jaw, neck and collarbone.

“..you know I was wrong back then. I was young and you had a certain reputation.” you said back softly. His touch still gave you shivers after all this time.

“What can I say, every girl wanted to have a piece of this.” he said while he pointed at his chest, covered with tattoos.

You both shared a laugh, before you spoke;

“I love you Sirius. I always have.”

He smiled and nodded. “I know, love, I know. I love you too.” he said and kissed you once more.

And then you two drifted back to sleep, embraced in a bed you shared, in a room full of memories, in a house you called home.

I Please give me feedback and send me some new requests.