I guess the set photos with the actors actually like performing in them are just making me reason that season 5 is coming like...season 4 is old news. That already happened and there's more. It isn't some great show that got tragically cancelled and now I'm tasked with giving myself closure, it isn't some shitty queerbait with a terrible ending that I have to fix in my mind, it's just incomplete and it's going to be completed.
It's not done. And also, seeing those photos, it's starting to get into the image because it's been two years now of like "they look so young" in application to season 4. My brain is adjusting and starting to make little comments like "remember when Mike had long hair".
And it's all reworking because I just automatically envisioned everything in their same hair and costumes even though I knew they wouldn't be in those because what would I change it to? But now I have options and logic and it all makes sense and it's coming and season 4 is behind us and they were only 14. Remember when they were only 14? When they didn't know yet how it would all end up when they were older? How much deeper they'd fall in love? God, feels like just yesterday. But no. Time has passed. Mike cut his hair. Will turned invisible, apparently /s, El grew her hair back out. They're all different and they're all older and season 4 already happened.
And it's like I've been rewatching it and looping it in my brain. Because in an artistic way, these characters have souls that have been trapped in this loop of whatever their most recent content is every time I rewatch it. And they aren't resolved yet. But they like...came out of hibernation. And they're filming now and I saw Mike making facial expressions and now the last thing Mike did isn't stand on that hill. Which makes it all the past. And it's all already happened and they aren't stuck anymore. We don't know where they are but they aren't here
I just- I wasn't ready for an updated way to envision them and it's weird. I was still telling myself "[image of Mike] but like pretend he's older".
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“Please don’t.”
Read here on Ao3!
Febuwhump 2024 | Day 19 | Prompt 19: “Please don’t.”
Rated: G | Words: 497 | Summary: Set during Season 1 Episode 1 “Aftermath” [Character Focus: Crosshair, Omega, *other Batchers mentioned*]
Crosshair has experienced headaches. More than his fair share with his optical enhancement. While they were never near as severe as Hunter’s over the years, he’d learned to take them in stride, work through the pain. But this time is different. It is insistent. A sharp, isolated pain that feels as though a blade is being driven through his skull. It’s putting him on edge.
Well, this and Hunter.
Hunter has been off since Kaller with his blatant disregard for their purpose. They were created to serve, not question orders because of political changes in the senate. Republic or Empire…it didn’t matter. Shouldn’t matter.
They’re soldiers. That hasn’t changed.
And now they’ve been arrested for treason. Because of Hunter. Because of that girl that stepped into their proximity at the most inconvenient time.
He sits down on the bench, digging his fingertips into the side of his head where the pain is driving him mad. He doesn’t notice that the girl sits down next to him until she speaks.
“You’re angry.”
He is caught off guard, glances down at her in surprise before catching himself. He sneers, “How perceptive.”
She is unaffected by his tone, staring up at him with a sad, deliberate gaze. “I know what you’re going to do, but please…don’t.”
“What do you know?” Crosshair asks sarcastically.
She takes the question seriously. “I know…it’s not your fault.” She puts a hand on his shoulder, a comforting touch. “You can’t help it.”
He is taken aback. Wants to ask what she means, what she knows. Because she does, he realizes. She knows something. She understands. He doesn’t know how or why, but she does.
He is taken away before he can ask.
<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>
It’s excruciating at first; however, the pain goes numb. His mind goes numb. The sensation is better than the alternative. But it’s not.
Please don’t.
Crosshair is given back his armor, told his brothers escaped holding, and ordered to track them down. Arrest them. Rampart and Tarkin read his report from Kaller, they know it wasn’t his fault – it was Hunter’s decision. Hunter’s orders. Crosshair will be given leniency, as long as he continues to demonstrate his loyalty to the Empire.
He can do that.
He can do what Hunter couldn’t.
He can make his brothers understand that there’s another way, another path, besides the one they are blindly following Hunter down. Hunter is spiraling. Hunter doesn’t know, doesn’t understand.
Please…don’t.
It doesn’t take a genius to know where his brothers will go, to anticipate their plan.
But his brothers don’t listen.
They’re traitors.
To the Empire.
To him.
Please.
Don’t.
He shoots Wrecker.
Tries to shoot the others.
Not to kill. To incapacitate. He’d never kill his brothers. But these aren’t his brothers anymore. They are traitors.
Don’t.
Don’t.
Don’t.
Please.
They escape. Narrowly. Like they always do. Did. Together.
Apart.
He watches the Marauder leave him behind.
They left him behind.
The traitors. His brothers.
Please, don’t.
END
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Episode 5 of Ahsoka reminded me so much of the moment in Jedi: Fallen Order where Cal too confronts a vision of his master who died long before.
Both padawans had their training cut short. Both masters have one last lesson to teach them about forgiveness and moving forward. Or maybe they're just visions their padawans are imagining to deal with their grief, ptsd and guilt (in Ahsoka's case for abandoning Anakin and not preventing his fall, in Cal's case because Jaro Tapal died to protect him). Maybe this lesson comes from the Force itself.
Both protagonists are at a moment in their journey in which these negative emotions and immense pain are pushing them dangerously close to the dark side, both outside of their visions (Ahsoka threw Shin like a ragdoll in a fit of anger, Cal grew resentful towards Cere) and inside of them (Ahsoka got Sith eyes when she briefly considered slaying Anakin, Cal destroyed his lightsaber). Both masters turn against their students, but the solution is not to kill them, rather to forgive them (and forgive themselves).
The main difference is of course that, where Cal needed to learn to pick his battles and truly think about the consequences of his fight and fighting for fighting's sake, Ahsoka needed to be reminded why she was fighting, what her end goal was and why it was important for her to keep going. Cal learns to live with his powerless young self and Ahsoka learns to live with the powerhouse that is Vader.
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