#seduce me with pretty bards

[i-love-my-exhoes]

Playing my first ever actual dnd campaign!

Accidentally seduced a wizard (I thought I was just offering to drink together but my nat 20 on persuasion made it more lmfao) bg3 really is JUST like dnd

[arc-misadventures]

It's My Turn

Jaune: Okay... we've got another demon to defeat... Based on the reports I got from the guild, they're a mid level demon, specializes in wind magic.

Ren: A wind demon? Those are rare. Most demons tend to specialize in dark, and shadow magic, but rarely do they specialize in one type of the four primordial elemental magics.

Jaune: Which is why were adventures were called in.

Ren: The Demon Hunters couldn't beat this demon?

Jaune: No, the Demon Hunters specialize in anti-demon magic. Mainly light magic, and fire magic.

Ren: Cleansing, and purging?

Jaune: Pretty much. They couldn't deal with a demon that flies, can avoid their attacks with wind magic, and even deflect them back at them. Well, mostly the other two part, most demons can fly after all. Most, Demon Hunters, don't have similar training that we paladins have. We are trained to have a much more diverse list of skills, and magic in at our disposal.

Ren: Do those skills involve bard levels of seduction?

Jaune: Not everyone demon we fight we sleep with, Ren. We have standards.

Ren: Sure, whatever. Let's go kill this demon.

~~~

Ren: The winds picking up.

Jaune: We must be getting close.

Ren: Alright, how are we going to do this?

Jaune: Lighting magic. It's too fast of an attack for most people to doge, even a demon in flight that specializes in air magic would have a tough time dealing with it.

Ren: Bow, and Shield? Only this time I'm the shield?

Jaune: Think you can do it?

Ren: I can try.

Jaune: Alright then... Let's do this!

Jaune: Prepare to die foul demon!

: Oh~? The Demon Hunters failed so now they send in a pair of adventurers? How cute~!

Jaune: You should be careful! A paladin is leagues above some puny little Demon Hunter!

: Oh~? I've never fought a paladin before~! Alright then... Come one puny paladin! I Reese Chloris will kill you!

Jaune: Bring it bitch! Let's go, Ren?

Ren: ...

Jaune: Ren, let's do this.

Ren: ...

Jaune: Ren?

Ren: ...

Jaune: D-Did you...?

Reese: I didn't do anything...

Jaune: Okay? Hey, Ren! (Snap! Snap!) Oi! Snap out of it!

Ren: Hu, wait what?

Jaune: What happened, you just spaced out on me?

Ren: Ahh... uhh... Time out! I need to have a word with my friend!

Jaune: Time out?! Do seriously think demons will allow a time out?!

Ren: Shut up, and come with me!

Jaune: Whoa hey?!

Reese: Okay...?

~~~

Jaune: Okay, start talking, why did you call a timeout in a literal battle with a demon?!

Ren: How do you do it?!

Jaune: Do what?

Ren: How do you seduce a demon!

Jaune: Excuse me... the fuck did you just say?

Ren: You've seduced several demons before, how do you do it?!

Jaune: Okay, hold up... You... want to smash that demon?

Ren: Is that hard to believe?

Jaune: You wanting to smash a human is hard enough as it is, but a demon?!

Ren: What, I'm an elf we don't have sex drives like you humans do!

Jaune: Elves don't have a sex drive until they enter in what human years would be in there thirties. And, from my experience, elf woman have a hell of a sex drive!

Ren: That's not true!

Jaune: Not true?! Ren, in the eleven kingdom, The Everwood Dynasty, one third of the population are half elves!

Ren: Well, I want to smash the demon girl! Are you going to help me, or what?!

Jaune: ...

Jaune: Haa... Okay... here's what you do... This is the secret elven male seduction technique, so pay attention!

Ren: How do you know a secret elven male seduction technique?

Jaune: Elven courtesans. Now pay attention!

Ren: Yes!

Jaune: Okay... Take off your hood, and show off your face. Give the demon a side eye glance, and throw her a wink.

Ren: And, then what?

Jaune: Smash.

Ren: Hold up... The secret elven male seduction technique: Is to show my face, give her a side eye, and wink at her? That's it?!

Jaune: Elven males have an unfair advantage... Now, shut up, and smash the demon!

Ren: Okay, okay...

~~~

Ren: Hey, Demon! Uhh... Reese?!

Reese: Oh, your back... Where's your friend?

Ren: He left me behind to deal with you!

Reese: Oh? Tell me then you rouge, how do you plan to defeat me~?

Ren: Okay... take off my hood, and show my face...

Reese: Oh, you're an elf?

Ren: Side eye glance...

Reese: Oh~? Such vibrant pink eyes~!

Ren: And, the wink!

Reese: EEP~?!

Ren: ...

Ren: Did that work...?

~~~

Glynda: You told him the secret elven male seduction technique?

Jaune: The guy has never shown romantic interest before, he need advice, so I gave him some.

Glynda: Do you think it will work?

Jaune: It doesn't seem to effect elven woman such as yourself, Glynda. As for it's effects on other species of woman it seems to work. As It seems to have worked for, Ren...

Glynda: Oh my?!

Ren: Hey, Jaune...

Jaune: Ren. You look like shit, did you two smash, or did you have to kill her?

Ren: We... smashed!

Jaune: Oh, good for you, aaaand your falling...

(Thud!)

Jaune: ...

Jaune: You okay bud?

Ren: W-Worth it!

Glynda: I'll call for a priest.

Jaune: Good call...

///

Another art piece inspired from, @lar-mx

Link to ART

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

how much I believe the dragon age companions are Actually putting on the makeup they've been designed with

this is part 1: ORIGINS COMPANIONS! lists for other games will follow eventually.

my perspectives on this are from someone who both 1) works an outdoor job that has me traveling and camping for up to 2 weeks at a time. and 2) a second side job where i put on vast amounts of intricate makeup for every appearance. so i both wander around barefaced most days but do have a lot of experience with full face looks, as well as applying all that makeup outdoors or with limited lighting and mirrors available. I will be stealing some reference pics from the dragon age wikis for this, but also looked at other sceenshots online to see other angles or better quality.

first some general thoughts on makeup in Origins: makeup in the origins CC is categorized as eyeshadow/liner (in one toggle), blush, and lip color. These are pretty basic settings, and while the true reasoning is old graphics, it also means all the makeup is sort of blended/blurry rather than say sharp graphic or colorful eyeliners. this does change in future games, but I do think in general the 'smudgy' look suits a group of characters running around the wilderness or sleeping in a tent rather than living indoors.

Leliana: Orlesian. Bard. Embraces other stereotypically girly interests like dresses and shoes. It is easily believable that she not only wears makeup but spends the time applying it every day. She likes to feel pretty and would bother with it even while camping, because why not? Leliana is shown with eyeshadow/liner, rouge, and a somewhat neutral lipstick. All fine by me 👍

Morrigan: Morrigan was my original complaint/inspiration for this post, as I discussed previously. Her dialogue about the mirror implies she wasn't allowed 'vain' pleasures growing up, and that she didn't have many personal items. at the same time, legend says Flemmeth used to seduce & kill men, and Morrigan states there's an expectation for her to perhaps follow that route eventually too. So: did Flemeth teach her makeup once she got older? did Morrigan rebel and sneak a mirror and products somewhere to learn anyway? and on a practical note, would she spend the time to wake up and put it on in the morning? She does wear a lot of jewelry, and appreciates being gifted more, so I do think that she would be down for adding extra time to her morning routine simply for the sake of aesthetics. However she also acts prickly about 'girly' things like clothes and fashion, protesting that she lives in the woods, and expressing discomfort when Leliana is staring at and evaluating her, though at the same time acknowledging she's considered attractive in general. What a complex lady! Anyway, I can buy her liking makeup, but I think early-game-Morrigan is a bit too defensive and standoffish to be wearing as much dramatic eyeliner, eyeshadow, blush, contour, and dark lipstick as she is. Character design is static in these games, so they all come looking the way they're introduced, but if we ignore that my 'fun' thought is that she picks up doing makeup once she and Leliana get to know each other better.

Alistair: Not designed with any makeup. Of course it's only the male companions who get to skip it across the board, but whatever, I'm ignoring bioware's double standards for now. I agree with Alistair not wearing makeup anyway. His upbringing didn't exactly allow him a lot of freedom to explore things like that, with the chantry/templars, and he's very much a do-what-i'm-told person vs someone who chafes and wants to seek out other forms of self expression.

Wynne: if i was an old lady i would NOT be bothering, but my grandma wore makeup every day until she died at age 89, so clearly it matters to some people. we don't know anything about the history of cosmetics or societal pressure about makeup in Thedas, but we do know Wynne the Circle mage like things like structure, routine, and ritual. So I buy her following her usual morning makeup routine even though she is waking up in a swamp now. That's fine i guess. But I do think she should be in LESS eyeshadow than she's shown with just because on older skin crumbly products like shadow are way less likely to stick without extra primers & setting spray which are too modern for this setting. Just a touch of color on the lid without going so far up to the eyebrow & temple would make more sense. The blush & lips can stay, and the pinkish tones do read a bit more fashioned to me.

Shale: missed opportunity here tbh. before Shale even finds out she used to be a dwarven woman, she enjoys how the crystals and gemstones you find make her look fetching and catch the light. she would LOVE more glittery adornments. "how is a pile of rock going to wear makeup" you ask? easy: spraypaint. Shale should get to pick different graffiti decals every month and just power wash them off once they start to fade. at LEAST lets get her some nail polish. please live forever you beautiful golem, someday Thedas will manage to invent these things and you can rock out the way you were clearly meant to.

Zevran: another letdown here. he deserves some cunty eyeliner. ioware your double standards for male vs female characters is showing. while Zevran's promiscuity is something that he was trained to embrace with the Crows without choice and in part an act (to hide his insecurities about real emotion/connection), i think he'd enjoy the dramatic flair some makeup products offer. the tattoos are sort of a 'permanent' makeup in this way. i don't think he'd do makeup every day but when bored in camp would be the one using a dagger to draw dramatic eyeliner wings.

Sten: Not designed with any makeup. Sten values practicality in day to day life, and I would say a lot of his appreciation for fine art is about the skill, history, and craft itself more than the end product of just 'a pretty thing', or he'd also like jewelry/baubles. plus, the Qun wouldn't allow flexibility for its warriors to spend time/money/product on something that frivolous; and once in southern Thedas he still disdains things he thinks are a waste of time by the Ferelden barbarians. HOWEVER. what the Qun DOES allow is vitaar, which is a qunari-specific form of warpaint in special designs that honestly IS kind of a parallel equivalent to makeup just with a specific combat function of poisoning every other race on touch etc. unfortunately, the devs did not invent this stuff until after origins as far as i am aware. so while i would LOVE to see Sten with some vitaar options, alas, we are deprived in the Origins timeline. and since he is sort of living in disgrace away from the Qun when we find him, I do think he could be stoically choosing not to use vitaar bc of All That and wouldn't care for other forms of makeup. so lack of makeup is Believable. but also i hope as the newest Arishok he does eventually get some sexy red and white warpaint and i will put my hands all over his big strong body even if the stuff kills me. who said that

Oghren: Not designed with any makeup. Oghren............. well at the point we meet him he is too drunk to care about much beyond trying to find his ex-wife, and then being Sad about how that all worked out. perhaps he had a more wild youth, but at least for the Origins timeline, that man is not waking up early for makeup routine. I do think DAO does him pretty dirty character depth wise but, yeah, not he's not gonna be wearing any of that on his own.

Loghain: Not designed with any makeup... i THINK. the area around his eyes is WAY darker than other npcs, BUT i am pretty sure this is to indicate that he is sleep deprived and perhaps scheming rather than supposed to be an actual product. It's supposed to be read as dark circles, not eyeshadow, kind of mirrored by his stubble shadow. Loghain is also a heavily practical man above all else. He is old, busy, and has too much other shit going on such as trying to maintain rule over the whole kingdom, hunt down the escaped wardens, and desperately try to pretend a blight isn't also happening. he is NOT putting on any product including the lotions he probably needs. alas.

Dog: DON'T THINK I FORGOT that dog gets to wear makeup aka kaddis, the special mabari warpaint :)))))) he lets you paint all over him no problem and a very good boy he is!!!!!!!!! 10/10 on this one Bioware, wish you let some of the women be bare faced in this medieval fantasy setting but at least i get to fingerpaint my dog as a consolaton prize

[incorrectsmashbrosquotes]

Rating Non-Zelink and Non-BotW Link Ships in Legend of Zelda Games because they don't get enough love

Malink; Malon x Link: Adorable and somewhat canon depending on who you think TP Link's parents are and what timeline shenanigans you subscribe to. Link's first non-Kokiri friend turning into his soulmate is cute and finding peace after the craziness of OoT is beautiful. Also, Malon is cute as a button. 11/10, love you, funky Horsegirl.

Ilia x Link: Pretty good but feels too much like a reskin of Malink to be really fun. People give Ilia grief for freaking out about Epona but it really isn't fucking deserved. Girl get's done dirty by the narrative and the fandom and she deserves better. Also, memory loss and falling in love all over again is absolute peak. 9/10, you deserve better, baby.

Marin x Link: A child's first taste of tragic ending and hot girls being doomed by the narrative. Very child friendly "Calypso and Odysseus" feel to this one. Still, Marin is absolutely adorable and the idea of falling in love with a literal dream is heartbreaking. 10/10, would cry like a little kid again.

Link x Ruto: Okay, hear me out, this one isn't terrible. Ruto's chld-like crush on the guy who saved her life is pretty cute and being a haughty teenager about it is pretty funny. Also, she understands they can't be together, and sends him off with her love and good wishes, which is surprisingly mature of her. I'm just saying, Ruto isn't the weirdo people make her out to be. 7/10, it still feels like entrapment

Midlink; Midna x Link: TOP TIER! BEST OF THE BEST! ABSOLUTE PEAK ROMANCE! Romeo and Juliet style star-crossed lovers from literal opposing sides of reality. Allies of convenience to friends to soulmates?! PEAK! Adorable evil goblin design for most of the game and then complete knockout reveal at the end?! ROMANCE DOOMED BY THE NARRATIVE?! PEAK, I TELL YOU! PEAK! (Also I headcannon that because Midna looks like a Hylian she's considered ugly by Twili standards so Link finding her beautiful warms her heart). 20/10, best ship, best girl, best love story.

Ganlink; Ganondorf x Link: Objectively the funniest Legend of Zelda ship in existence and I will take no arguments on that. Destined enemies giving the middle finger to fate and falling in love instead? Amazing. Ganondorf hates every minute of it but he's also the happiest he's ever been with this stupid twink and he hates that too. 10/10, something something the Grinch's heart grew three sizes that day.

Link x Zant: Objectively hilarious as Link is seducing his enemies into submission yet again, like any self-respecting bard, but this one feels a little too Batman x Joker like for my liking. I really ship Zant x Therapy but Midna watching her rival give up his conquering ambitions for a twink is objectively hilarious. 8/10, not great but not bad.

Got others you want me to rate? Let me know! Or better yet, rate them yourself and I'll tell you if I agree or not.

[howlingday]

SReducing the Knight

Blake: If we fight him, we WILL die! Can we leave before we lose any MORE limbs?!

Ruby: I'd rather lose a HUNDRED limbs before giving up on this traysure!

Yang: Agreed. We don't have to fight him. (Waves arms) Just DISARM him.

Weiss: She's right. One of us should- Wait, that was funny.

Yang: Thank you. I've been waiting for the right time to say it.

Weiss: Well timed~!

Ruby: Yeah, that was pretty good!

Little: Very funny~!

Blake: It's a good joke.

Weiss: Anyways, it's clear our leader here should try to seduce him.

Ruby: Who, ME?!

Weiss: Yeah. You're a bard, aren't you?

Ruby: I-I mean, I could, but don't you think there's a better girl than-

Ruby: (Hood missing, Corset open, Panicking)

Jaune: (Glaring down at Ruby)

Ruby: H... H-Hey, handsome...

Jaune: (Removes helmet, Grins) Hello, gorgeous~.

Ruby: (Pukes)

Ruby: (With her team) Ah'm showwy...

Weiss: Ugh... Fine... Then I'll have to do it.

Weiss: (Tosses hair) What's a big, strong knight like you doing in a dark, dirty dungeon like this~?

Jaune: ...

Jaune: (Sighs, Sits down) I think it all started when I was 10. I was living a peaceful life until suddenly I woke deep inside this impossible labyrinth...

Weiss: (Sighs as he rambles) I guess this is all I'm good for...

--------------------------------------------------

Weiss: And since it's a labyrinth, and not a maze, he can actually escape really easily. So I just gave him the address to a good therapist nearby, and he just let us go. He seemed like he REALLY needed it.

--------------------------------------------------

Jaune: Well... When I really think about it, maybe everything comes back to my sister? She ALWAYS said her urban landscape was better than my labyrinth.

Goodwitch: I see...

Jaune: Like, why does it have to be a competition?! We have similar lives! Why does it pull us apart instead of pulling us together?

Goodwitch: Well, have you talked to him about these feelings?

Jaune: We haven't talked to each other since... Since the funeral.

Goodwitch: Mm... I see... Do you think that perhaps your father's death may have something to do with this wedge that formed between you?

Jaune: He was a good dad. Just... He was complicated, y'know?

Goodwitch: Mhm... You mentioned last week that throughout your childhood, you and your sisters would play games for him. Games with WINNERS?

Jaune: That's... true. It always felt like whoever won those games got to be his favorite.

Goodwitch: Do you ever think those games ever really stopped?

Jaune: N-No, I... I guess they didn't... (Inhales) You think we could ever-

Goodwitch: I'm sorry, I would love to talk more about Saphron, but I'm afraid we're out of time for this session.

Jaune: O-Oh... Can I book now?

Goodwitch: Of course. Same time?

Jaune: If you can, that works for me.

[sebadztian]

Another week, another episode. Let's go!!

Spoilers for episode 4 below (and the manga too!)

*press the 'Skip Recap' button* - where was this button last week?

I've read the manga, I know what's going on, but it still strange to see Sebas serving morning tea to someone who's not Ciel...

Ah, so Sebas knows that Sieg & Ciel are roughly the same size... His Bocchan is really tiny.

I'm pretty sure it takes more than a bedcover to make a dress, but whatever.

"A skill a dressmaker could do better."

1. Nina will agree, 110%

2. Humility doesn't suit you, sir.

Even going to breakfast has to be accompanied by sparkles... The DRAMA...

Wolf looked like he wanted to punch Sebas in the face. I don't blame him.

*Skip Intro*

I've got to admit, when I first read about this whole 'Formal Table Setting' thing in the manga, I learned a lot.

What is it with Sebas and his tendency to get into someone's face? An intimidation tactic? A decline in his vision? Or is he just weird like that?

Ofc she doesn't know anything about table manners. She was raised by a Wolf (Get it?)

I call bullshit. Sir, you don't even have a heart!

Ah, he's dangling the 'knowledge' carrot in front of her. I think he was testing the water here, to see how she'd react, if she'd take his bait. And she did. Enthusiastically too.

It was her weakness and he exploited that. I talked about this some time ago, about how Sebas had seduced Sieg with the promise of 'more knowledge' and 'the outside world' to get her to cooperate.

Bard, if only you knew... Sebas was crying inside. "Bocchaaaan.... Bocchaann... Please let me touch you...!"

Tanaka is highly underrated just because he's half-chibi. One of the reasons why I love this arc is because we get to see the servants in action. We did see that in the Circus arc too, ofc. But this one is different. They weren't at home, they were stuck in a foreign territory, battling an army of German soldiers, and they still kicked ass!

*Professor Michaelis flashback*

A solid proof that Sebas does care about Ciel. He brings that book with him everywhere so that he can be prepared if Ciel was having another asthma attack or any other illness that the little lord might've neglected to mention because Sebas 'never asked'.

I'm sorry... what did they do to people with sore throat back then?!

Neither have I, Sieglinde. Neither have I. But bacon does make me happy, so...

Wolf has been demoted from 'butler & caretaker' to 'errand boy'.

Babyyy....!!

Sebas is missing out!

Seb: I KNOW! BOCCHAAAANNN...!! 😭😭

Please don't scold Finny. He's trying his best... He's so sweet!! I love him!!

It is really hard to believe that this was the same boy who stood his ground against a literal demon. I did some research on mustard gas and yes, this is one of the effects. Basically it enhanced the negative feelings, such as fear or anxiety tenfold and that's why Ciel is like this. The 'werewolves' were there to further worsen this effect.

This is truly heartbreaking. Ciel's crying and feeling that he didn't deserve any of this, that he wasn't good enough. This gas is enhancing his childhood trauma and opened the dam of three years of suppressed emotions. This arc really shows how much Ciel had sacrificed and how hard it was to maintain the image of 'Ciel Phantomhive'. He lost his entire personality, the sweet, caring, and wonderful younger brother.

So, back then, Ciel & Seba were sent to investigate and dismantle the lab in Germany, just like how the queen was sending him to Germany again to investigate about the werewolf village. Somebody really needs to call child service...

Sebastian looked way too happy to fight a child test subject...

He really was adorable. No wonder everyone wanted a piece of him...

I might've misheard it, but I thought I heard Ciel say 'Shieru' (as in RC) and Sebas. Due to the way Japanese sentences are structured, the object was said first before the verb and he did say something about RC. But the translation didn't mention it because it wouldn't make any sense because he hadn't utter the verb.

Ciel-shaped lump on the bed. (Why does he look like a turnip?)

I should've hired Sebas as my English tutor, or read that book about the bacon. I've been learning English for 20+ years and I still can't speak it perfectly, but Sieg spend the morning (3 hours at most?) learning the language using a single book and she's now fluent in English.

Well, that's a unique, not weird at all, thing to say to a sick person, don't you think? And she did well on not mentioning the marked eye. Sebas looked somewhat worried, but mostly kept his poker face. I bet it took everything in him not to reach out to touch his little meow-meow.

Sieg knew some things about various rituals to conclude that Seb & Ciel were devil worshippers based on the marks on Seb's hand & Ciel's eye. She even recognized the symbol as demonic signs.

I wonder if this knowledge would come up again in the later chapters of the manga...

Painful memory? Actually, it was a fond memory. It was the day he met his future husband!

Dear lord, what on earth was Wolf doing?! Was he wighing the salt?! Why?!

I don't know why Yana said that Sebas acted without thinking. He's shown that he was quite knowledgeable and he can think on his feet. He came up with a strategy when battling UT on Campania, and he knew that there was something hidden underneath the manor, so he utilized Snake's snake to investigate further. The man is a smart cookie and combine that with his experience, he's actually very clever and sly.

This is way funnier in the anime than in the manga. And look at that ass!

Snake looks like he got some sort of a revelation... and fangs.

And that's it for this week. It was overall a great episode. Everyone got some decent screentime and some scenes are much better animated than they were in the manga. Like Ciel's grief and his helplessness. It was much more pronounced in the anime.

I think they did a great job with this arc. They're clearly more comfortable with drawing the characters because they look much better than last season's.

And I'm happy that they're staying true to the manga. At this point, I don't want to see an AU of any sort like S1 or S2. I just want to see the manga panels come into life and hear the characters' voices. Some might not agree with me, but that's just my personal preference.

See you next week!

[gayboss-too-close-to-the-sun]

A Lonely Gay Listens to the Andy Serkis version of The Hobbit Audiobook:

(This is not my first time reading the book nor listening to this version of the audiobook, but I am particularly gay and pent up this time so it gave me a new and unique experience)

- I get why movie fans ship Bagginshield, but in the book it’s actually Dori risking his hide for Bilbo again and again and I think they’d be a hella cute couple

- god Beorn is such a daddy. Maybe it’s the voice but ohhhh I’m not usually into grumpy loners (….well, not usually super duper into grumpy loners) and yet I need to read some Beorn fanfic Immediately

- Thorin is such a sassy little bitch when he’s getting interrogated by Thranduil. “We were starving.” “Starving, probably.” “Starving.” “I was starving.” I love him

- Andy Serkis’ Lee Pace impression for Thranduil is unfairly hot

- I have also sold myself on Balin X Bilbo

- I know this list is just me being gay, but also. Bard. He’s the Aragorn of The Hobbit and I want to kiss him on the mouth

- okay, okay, yes, Bagginshield. We’re making a polycule, boys. Or maybe a harem would be less weird since half the dwarves are related and I don’t trust myself to remember which

- I think we can add Thranduil to the list of people Bilbo seduced (in his defense Bilbo gave him a very pretty necklace)

[improbableivy]

Bard!Tav: "Would seducing a companion with a serenade be a Performance or Persuasion check, I wonder?" [rolls a nat 1] The season's upon us when love's in the air You're spoiled for choices from gith to a bear Oh, how will you choose? It just doesn't seem fair You can't convince all your companions to share

Astarion, darling, your heart doesn't beat And yet you have swept me right off of my feet I know you have standards, which isn't ideal But I'm good to go if you want something real

Bae'zel, I've been thinking: you like my sweat, right? So how 'bout we work up some later tonight? I want to be more than your lay or your toy: The source of your bruises, the source of your joy

Dear Gale, let's read poems and play with your cat You're kind of vanilla – and I'm digging that! You're magical with or without Karsus' Crown I'll help lift your burdens when you feel weighed down

Hey Halsin, could I call you 'daddy' sometime? I love me a tall, brawny elf in his prime You're sweeter than honey. And thanks for the duck I'll bear with your wild side if you're down to fuck

Jaheira, forgive me, but you're looking fine Improved by the years like cast iron or wine Please speak to me sternly, High Harper, 'cause I Enjoy a tongue-lashing and then a good cry

Karlach, I adore both your soul and your bod You burn bright like the sun and you're smoking hot When you call me 'soldier' I melt at your feet Hells! Straight to Avernus I'd follow your lead

Damn, Minsc, you are rocking those tats and that bling I've heard smacking bottoms is kinda your thing? Well, I'm pretty bad from a few points of view I might need a spanking … No, you can’t watch, Boo!

Minthara, I say we just cut to the chase: Please give me a beating and sit on my face I swear I'll be good – unless you prefer bad? Whatever you want 'cause your style drives me mad

My own Shadowsweetheart that blooms in the night Your radiant smile is a thrill and delight Oh, say you'll go swimming with me after dark I've fallen for you and your character arc

Brave Wyll, you have twirled your way into my heart You're gallant and sweeter than a treacle tart I love how you court me, fair pride of the Gate I'll dance at your pace 'cause you're well worth the wait

So, Withers, I've noticed you give me 'the eye' … What do you mean, "Yes, for mine eyeballs are dry"? I'm dying here, Withers, just throw me a bone! Fine, screw it: I guess I will walketh alone (Candlekeep wouldn't commit this to the archives, but AO3 is more forgiving. Happy Valentine's! Update: Since the companions weren't game, Tav tried the NPCs next ...)

[razz-is-queer]

i should go full fairy bard mode and live like a hermit in the forest and play my little songs while all the woodland creatures gather around me. i need to wear pretty little dresses and flower crowns and a bunch of jewelry. i need to be like a siren and lure hikers into my hut and perhaps seduce them with my alluring features. mayhaps scare the local populous and become like a cryptid.

[crow-writer]

Mayans & what DnD class they'd play...

A/N: Yes, I know this is getting kinda nerdy, but hear me out here! Now the ones I could actually see playing Dungeons&Dragons are Gilly, Coco, Nestor, EZ and maybe Riz. The other ones are really just for fun, if you'd somehow manage to get them to play. Hope you enjoy!

Bishop: He'd probably play a Fighter. Nothing too 'fancy', good damage dealer and depending on the subclass he would enjoy the maneuvers.

EZ: I think he would like the idea that you can 'study' magic, so he might play a Wizard. Getting deep into old books and scrolls to learn super powerfull spells sounds like something he'd find fun.

Tranq: He's a calm guy but he is absolutely able to do some serious damage, so he'd chose to play a Druid. He would really enjoy the wildshape options.

Riz: Gorgeous hair? Always with the ladies? Obviously he'd play a Bard. And yes, he'd be that kind of player that would try to seduce a dragon just for the fun of it.

Coco: Sneaking around, remaining unseen and maybe steal the occasional rare item would really be fun for Coco, so he'd most likely play a Rogue.

Gilly: Gilly would play a Paladin with the 'Oath of Vengance' subclass. He'd like the idea of punishing the bad guys, even if it does some damage to his own moral compass.

Nestor: He likes to play a Warlock. The whole dark vibe with the pact and the fact that they get their powers from a supernatural patron seems pretty cool to him. If only he got superpowers from working for Miguel

Angel: You don't need to learn all the fancy tactics if you can just rip your enemies to shreds. Angel would enjoy to play a Barbarian because it's a really powerfull class but without too much of a headache.

Taza: Yes he'd play the Cleric to Bishop's Fighter and that's just how he is. He kinda likes the idea that although Clerics are often seen more as a supporting and healing class, they're really good damage dealers later on too.

[yourheart-inmyhands]

Hiya, I love your yandere archons and a someone else request got an idea brewing in my head. You said the reader can’t be powerful or more because it would make them like the traveler… But what if the reader isn’t even a human? Like a primordial deity/being or something like lovecraft? An eldritch being? Basically a darling who can’t be physically chained or overpowered? How can they charm/persuade the darling? Like trying to seduce Azothoth!like darling, like those scheming yandere they are? Like you know those court drama where the consorts fight for the emperor? Ya know poison, blackmail, etc? That’s the archons for the darling. Is this too complicated? Anyway keep up the good work.

ah this was such an interesting ask! it definitely let me bring out some more obscure head canons of mine so thank you so much! :3c

Warning: this post contains yandere-themes, including delusional behavior, mentions of animal slaughter, uh not much this is actually a pretty tame post, archons are actually kinda nice for once, and other potential topics. Please read at your own risk!

Yandere!Venti would hound you constantly, showing up wherever you seem to be staying to constantly chat you up. At first he starts just straight up begging but slowly it devolves into just chatting, slowly making you fall in love with him as he learns more about you and you him.

You couldn’t help the smile on your face as you saw the familiar green bard bounding over to you, a bottle of wine in his hands and a basket of some human food you had mentioned enjoying. He made sure to always bring something to share with you while you talked, just a little something to keep the conversation going for longer. The bottle of wine was usually for Venti but if you showed interest he wouldn’t mind sharing. Slowly, as he visits you day after day, you find yourself enjoying the presence of the boisterous male. He may have fallen first, but you fell harder.

Yandere!Zhongli would use his history of Liyue to woo you, thrilling I know. This somehow seems to work in his favor though as he can invite you on walks with him and then spend the whole time telling you about the history of the area and all the fun little details. It may seem boring, but somehow the century old dragon seems to make it fun, his passion for history rubbing off on you just a little bit.

You listened intently as Zhongli told you random, generally useless facts about the spot you currently stood at. While you will admit that he had bored you at first, you had come to love his strange little information tidbits. The passion he had for history was admirable and the joyful effect it seemed to have on him rubbed off on you the more he told you. It had started with a simple proposition: join him for a walk and if he told you something you didn’t know, that he could prove was true, then you’d join him for another. If you did know it already, then he would leave you alone. What he didn’t tell you though was that he had no plans of leaving you alone, setting up something that was entirely untrue just to win the little deal. It’s the only time he’s ever lied to you.

Yandere!Raiden would act similarly to male birds, where she flaunts what she’s capable of to entice you to choose her. Though she doesn’t do a silly dance with pretty feathers, instead she showcases her power. She flaunts her capabilities as a partner and uses that to entice you.

While your power as an eldritch being was scaled differently from Raiden, it didn’t mean she couldn’t still showcase her strength to you. Showing you the skeleton of the giant serpent she had slain was only so impressive so instead she challenges you. Bring her anything and she��ll kill it. From wild boar to giant whales, everything you had brought to Raiden she made quick work of. She even offered to dive into the waters and hunt down something herself but you insisted it wasn’t necessary. She had proven herself plenty, you were simply giving her a hard time to see how far she’d go. It almost made you feel bad, killing the insignificant wildlife simply for a bit of a show, but Raiden always made sure the animal went to good use. That was something you liked about her, even if she was busy showing off and flaunting to you, she still made sure that nothing was wasted. 

Yandere!Furina would have nothing to offer but herself. She isn’t incredibly funny, she’s not super strong, she can’t tell you cool facts about her nation or even spend all day talking to you. All she can give you is late nights under the stars, laying there as she points out all the constellations to you. In her early years as the Hydro Archon she would often spend her time stargazing, finding the action perfect to unwind when she was stressed.

Every night, after finishing up with court proceedings for the day, Furina would meet you at the same spot. She’d lay out a blanket, whether you lay on it with her or not, and stare up at the sky. Sometimes she’s silent, just enjoying your presence as a calming figure in her life, and sometimes she’ll point out the constellations to you. Furina thinks you’re absolutely darling but you’re way above her league and she doesn’t have anything that she can use to attract you to her. So she settles for these quiet nights with you, gazing at the stars as she used to in her youth. On nights where she does tell you about the constellations, she tells you how to find it, where the name comes from, and if it applies, the story behind each one. Her favorites are Cassiopeia and Cetus.

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

18 + 79 for Astarion x Evie?

- @kittttycakes

Circus AU + Above the Influence

Send me 2 prompts + a pairing

Warning: Non-consensual consumption of an aphrodisiac

A/N: Keeping this in Faerun or otherwise partially magical universe for plot reasons. Not so heavy on the circus aspect, but big ideas for the "Above the Influence" part. Also shoutout to @leighsartworks216 for letting me ramble a bit to them about some of the stuff towards the end

Astarion x Evie (Ace!Tav) Masterlist

Obvious start, put these two crazy kids in a circus

Evie has been performing with them for a while, not the center act by any means, but more the in between musician to hype up the crowd for the next act while also doing any other odd jobs that need doing

Astarion is a comparative new comer who is really just here because he needs to lay low for a while after escaping Cazador

Astarion is tricky because I cannot see him performing at all, he's terrible with guests and will not perform manual labor

However he is a good thief and very pretty, so in a less than reputable circus he could find a place pick pocketing from the crowd or seducing his way in with the ring master so he can have a place to sleep

The question of what does Astarion *do* pops up more than once, but whenever anybody needs something, they go to Astarion and somehow he seems to get it

Obviously the circus is small so Astarion and Evie do know each other, but it takes them a while to *know* each other

Evie thinks she has Astarion figured out; well off run away who is just a passing face, slumming it for a few months before going back to whatever manor he came from

Astarion meanwhile initially thinks of Evie as just some bard who is endlessly fun to tease

They don't have a lot of crossover in their jobs, but they've gotten into the habit of shooting comments and banter back and forth in an oddly comfortable rhythm

Astarion starts realizing he looks forward to those moments more and more because at the end of the day, Evie doesn't expect anything out of him

He's not waiting for the other shoe to drop, he can just...be; it's a sensation he's not familiar with

Evie meanwhile starts keeping an eye out for him, for all his flirtatious comments there doesn't seem to be any serious intent behind it, it's just fun, they're having fun and...it's nice

Of course it's all fun and games until somebody decides to escalate

Evie habit of dodging serious flirtation with joking brush offs has quickly labeled her a tease by just about everyone and so somebody decides to play what can only strenuously be called a prank

At the group dinner they slip some incubus spittle into her food; not a lot, but enough enough to stoke the fires

Evie does still have a libido, but it is lower than others and when she gets an urge it’s not out of specific desire for a person

So when this hot feeling starts to rise in her body, she honestly things she's getting sick and starts to make her excuses

But her tormentor basically all but forces her to stay put, with the heat rising in her body

Astarion starts to put two and two together and all but hauls her away as the rest of the group wolf whistles

Evie can hardly bring herself to react as the pain and the heat rise as her fear along with it; this is *not* like her.

Astarion then makes the mistake of touching her bare skin and it crumbles

She then looks up at him, glazed over as if possessed as she launches herself into a kiss

Astarion immediately stiffens; he's let the thought of kissing Evie pass through his mind more than once, of feeling her close, but not whatever this is

This is absolutely *not* his Evie

He pulls back, but her hands slip under his shirt, clawing at his skin as she apologizes again and again, she doesn’t know what’s happening

Astarion has been in enough whore houses to know the effects of incubus spit when he sees it. He then kisses her, hauling her into his arms and tells her it’s alright, he’s going to help her through this.

Evie feels a different kind of sickness in her stomach, she knows what the solution is

As he carries her she tells herself that it will be alright; she trusts Astarion, he knows what he's doing, it's the fastest way for it all to go away, better him than somebody else

But rather than lead her to a bed, he drops her in a wash basin and pours cold water over her, fully clothed before slipping in behind her

As much as the spit is messing with her head, a relief fills her. She doesn’t have to. He’s not going to force her in order to “fix” her. There are other ways and he’s willing to be there as they figure out what that is.

Astarion stays with her, the spit isn't as powerful as others so time really is the measure here soothed by what touches he can give her decidedly over the clothes.

Whatever is inside her in a parasite that needs to be sweated out.

Eventually the fever does break, and Evie is able to slowly catch her breath. Her body still sensitive, but not nearly as bad as before.

Once Astarion is sure her heart rate is bad to normal, he asks her if she wants him to go. He can easily understand not wanting to be touched or seen after going through something like that against your will.

Evie shakes her head, feeling everything that might have happened pour over her all at once and she just starts crying.

Astarion holds onto her, really the only action keeping his anger in check.

He can't just leave her like this

So once she can stand, he makes sure to change her into clean dry clothes and wrap her up in a cocoon of blankets and pillows staying as watch dog until she’s asleep. It’s only then does he leave her.

Somebody apparently thought it would be a funny ,to drug his Evie. He’s going to find out exactly who it was and shake hands with their intestines.

[her-gracious-lady-herald-bits1]

Prompt: Playing Cupid

Pairing: Leliana /female Tabris (Background)

---

Ah, the simple pleasures of camp life-the crackling fire, the crisp Ferelden air that never quite loses its wet dog smell, and the delightfully murderous expression currently gracing their fearless leader’s face as she stalks toward his tent. Zevran keeps his attention on the dagger he’s polishing, though his peripheral vision tracks her every movement. Old habits, as they say in Antiva, die harder than most marks.

"Kal," he greets smoothly, flicking an imaginary speck of dust from the blade. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

She drops onto the log beside him with all the grace of a drunk bronto. Most amusing, considering he’s seen her move like a shadow across a battlefield.

"I need-" She stops, scowling. "Fuck’s sake, I can’t believe I’m doing this."

He tsks, setting the dagger aside. "My dear Warden, whatever could have you in such a state? Has someone need of assassination? A bit of poison in their wine, perhaps? Or-" He gasps dramatically. "-have you finally succumbed to my irresistible charms?"

"If I wanted to poison someone, I’d bloody well do it myself," she deadpans.

A delicious shiver runs down his spine. Such a wonderfully deadly creature their Warden is.

"And you know damn well why I ain’t jumping into your bedroll."

"Ah yes, our lovely nightingale." His gaze flicks toward Leliana’s tent, where candlelight spills through canvas. "I must say, your taste is impeccable. Though perhaps not your timing, considering how long you’ve both been dancing around each other. In Antiva, such hesitation would be considered an insult."

Kallian’s ears flick back, sharp and involuntary. A tell she really must learn to control. "That’s actually what I wanted to talk about." Her accent thickens, uncomfortable. "The whole... romance thing."

Zevran blinks. Then laughs. Loudly.

"Brasca, you’re not about to ask me for courtship advice, are you? My dear Warden, I am a craftsman of pleasure, not love. Though if you’re looking for techniques to make our bard sing a different sort of song-"

"Andraste’s tits, will you shut it?" She punches his shoulder-hard enough to smart, but not enough to truly hurt. How considerate. "Look, I know how to tumble. Ain’t exactly new to that. But Leli, she wants…" Her ears twitch, indecisive, before flattening. "All that soft shite. Pretty words, gifts, proper courtin’. An’ you’re the only one ‘ere what knows how nobles do that sorta thing."

"I know how to seduce nobles," he corrects, though there is a note of something else in his voice now. "How to make them feel special right up until they’re screaming in pleasure or death-sometimes both, if one is feeling particularly creative." A memory flickers in his mind, fond and sharp all at once. "But true romance? That is an entirely different dance, my friend."

"Yeah? And who taught you the difference?"

Rinna’s face rises unbidden—her smirk as she corrected his footwork, the flick of her wrist as she untangled a botched lace, the curve of her mouth when- He cuts off that thought like a garrote across a throat.

"Someone very dead, very much by my own hand, and therefore perhaps not the best example to follow, no?"

Kallian doesn’t flinch at the admission. (He likes that about her-the way she accepts violence and regret as things that simply are.)

"Still probably know more than me. All I know is how to get someone off in an alley without getting caught by my Da."

"A valuable skill! Though perhaps not quite what our bardic friend is looking for." He studies her, noting the tension in her shoulders, the way her eyes keep darting toward Leliana’s tent.

Leliana has been quiet lately. Too quiet.

It does not take an assassin to notice the way her smiles have dulled at the edges, the way she lingers by the fire long after the others have gone to sleep, staring at the flames as if they might whisper something back.

(Marjolaine.)

Zevran is familiar with the ghost of a past lover’s shadow. He knows what it is to be haunted by the weight of someone else’s choices.

"Tell me something, my deadly friend-what exactly are you afraid of?"

"I ain’t afraid of nothing," she snaps, but her ears pin back flat, betraying her before she even reaches for the jagged scar across her face

"No? Then why seek advice from an assassin who once tried to kill you?" He tilts his head. "Surely there are more qualified sources of romantic wisdom. Our dear Wynne, perhaps? She seems the type to have opinions about matters of the heart."

"Because you-" She stops, frustrated, her ears twitching between irritation and uncertainty. "You get it, right? How someone like me ends up wanting someone like her? Some fancy bard who probably thinks proper foreplay involves reading poetry and shite?"

Zevran chuckles. "My dear Warden, I suspect our Leliana’s ideas of foreplay are far more creative than simple poetry." He winks. "Though I’m sure she wouldn’t object to a bit of verse now and then."

"Ain't helping, Zev."

"Patience, my friend. I’m getting there." He shifts, adopting what Rinna used to call his teaching pose "The trick with someone like Leliana isn’t learning to be what you think she wants. It’s showing her who you already are-just perhaps with slightly fewer daggers involved. Usually."

Kallian’s brow furrows, ears angling slightly forward. "The fuck does that mean?"

"It means," he says, "that she fell for you. The scarred, deadly, beautifully brutal creature you are-not some imaginary noble version of you." He grins. "The difference is in how you present yourself."

"Like poison," she mutters, catching on.

He brightens. "Yes! Poison is an excellent metaphor. The substance remains the same-it is only the vessel that changes. In a fine wine, it is elegant. In a crude blade, it is brutal. The poison does not change-only how you deliver it."

She considers this, absently running a thumb along one of her daggers.

"So… what? I should just be myself, but fancier?"

"Precisely! Though perhaps with less literal poison." He pauses. "Unless she’s into that. You never know with bards."

That startles a laugh out of her.

"Right. Just be myself, but make it fancy. That’s your advice?"

"That, and learn to dance."

"What?"

He stands, offering his hand with a flourish. "Trust me, my friend. Nothing says ‘I am attempting to court you properly’ quite like making a fool of yourself trying to learn formal dance steps."

"You're having me on." Her ears flick forward, skeptical but curious.

"Not at all! Besides," he glances meaningfully toward Leliana’s tent, where their bard is definitely pretending not to watch them, "think of how impressed she’ll be when you can properly lead her across a dance floor. All that close contact, bodies moving together…" He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

"Fucking void." But she takes his hand.

Later, after she’s stepped on his feet far too many times, she mutters, "You tell anyone about this-"

"Yes, yes, brutal death, creative dismemberment, et cetera."

Zevran only smiles as she walks away, pausing just slightly outside Leliana’s tent.

Good luck, my friend.

He suspects she will need it.

---

[roguishcat]

WIP Sunday

Thank you for tagging me @anacdoce and @justabiteofspite! 💖

I am working on three fics atm and got a bit (a lot) stuck, so started writing this just for the sake of writing something and ended up quite enjoying it. So here's a bit from a Halsin x Reader (Durge) one-shot where my batty Durge is down bad for the druid.

Rating: Mature (no smut, just Durge/Reader wanting to climb Mount Halsin)

You looked at his arms. His gorgeous, beautiful arms. You bet if he flexed his muscles for you that leather thing that he wore round his biceps would snap. What was it exactly? You weren't sure, but you wouldn’t be against having it around your neck. Just a little tighter than was comfortable.

Prior to meeting Halsin, battling the urge meant fighting the voice in your head that dictated you to kill.

Kill, kill, kill.

Now, it was not throwing yourself at a certain druid as the voice commanded you to have your way with him.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

But there was no way in hells you would proposition him again. Not after last time. It was embarrasing enough to put yourself out there and be rejected once. You wouldn’t be able to bear it twice!

And the worst part was that you had to see him every day. Now usually you would just kill the person and be done with it. But the thought of him bleeding out, his beautiful eyes going dull as he drew his last breath, almost made you cry.

You sighed and looked at him. Halsin was sitting near his tent, talking to Astarion in a low voice. This made you scowl. They looked so gorgeous together it was maddening. You weren’t really sure if there was something going on between them, but you wouldn’t be surprised if they eventually got together.

You pouted and threw a stick in the fire. Life sucked. If it wasn’t for all those enemies to murder, you would probably go mad by now. At least the hoardes provided a somewhat acceptable distraction. Although you wished that you would get over this ridiculous crush. Slaying wasn’t fun when you were constantly wondering what someone thought of you.

You wondered what was it about you that Halsin found unappealing. You supposed that your murder-happy ways would have made many run the other way, but Halsin had many a battle in his years, so he didn't seem to find that off-putting.

You were not ugly. At least you had plenty proposition you, though you took few lovers. In the past, you pretty much focused on being Bhaal's chosen, which made dating near impossible.

Could it be that he found you ugly? Or perhaps you just sucked at flirting. Your pathetic attempts at seducing Halsin, admitedly twirling strands of hair around your fingers as you giggled at something he said was not the best choice, earned you a chortle from Astarion and an eye-roll from Shadowheart.

If he found you ugly, you wouldn't be against him just putting a bag over your head. All you wanted was for him to fuck you senseless against a tree. The rougher the better. The fuck, not the tree. Getting splinters out of your ass for days did not make for pleasant memories.

Ah, you were lying to yourself again. Because you didn’t just want a glorious fuck. As insane as it sounded, you actually caught feelings. The thought made you shiver. You! Feelings! Out of all disgusting things to have happened to you, this was the worst.

No pressure tags: @clazberryk, @lanafofana,

@marlowethebard, @honeybee-bard,

@preciouslittlebhaalbae, @pinkberrytea,

@silent-words, @fangbangerghoul and anyone else who has something to share! 💖

[dragon-susceptible]

What is Andromeda's husband's personality like? Like is he more serious? Or is he more like a goof? Like what's he like?

Elyrin's really good with kids. He's kind, magnanimous, considered a bit of a dandy by Moonshadow standards. He's not actually vain, he's just pretty and knows it (like the difference between arrogance and confidence, but with vanity and self-respect). He talks to children like they're small adults, will argue with people about how kids are still people and should be treated as such. He makes shadow puppet shows for the Mooncubs and takes every rotation he can get, he adores them. He's also a bard who writes and performs music as his regular job, though he also teaches when he gets the chance. He's one of the few Moonshadow elf civilians that has occasionally left the forest, in order to perform. He's also a bit of a flirt, as it helps with his stage presence. When I say a bit of a flirt, that scene with Andromeda and Corvus? That's what Elyrin is like all of the time when he's performing. He's got permanent "fuck me" eyes and is trying to seduce you with every move he makes. And it really works for him.

He's very softhearted and Andromeda doesn't talk to him about her work much, because she knows the death would weigh on him. He trusts her judgment, though, and like all Moonshadow elves was raised with the value set that says she is protecting their home. What she does makes his safety, his time with the Mooncubs, his songs and joy and softness, possible. So he's there for her, and he's never been the one to ask her to stop if she's willing to confess things to him. He'll take the burden just so she doesn't have to bear it alone, though he buckles more under the weight.

He's talkative and excessively friendly for a Moonshadow elf, similar to Lujanne. Runaan, who has met them both, privately wonders if there's a genetic connection somewhere up the line, actually, though Lujanne hasn't been back to Moonshadow Forest in 300 years and bore no children, so it would be generations back.

Elyrin will willingly tell stories and sing songs with the humans, because if they've managed to make it into the Silvergrove he trusts that they're safe to be around. He also has decent judgment skills for staying safe in the wider world, though, as he actually does travel on occasion. He will instantly have a soft spot for Ezran as a small child, though, and it will lowkey horrify him that Andromeda was asked to kill the boy. He'll be relieved that she didn't.

This whole mission will shake Elyrin to his core. He'll be terrified of the consequences of the assassins refusing to complete their mission, even though he's glad his wife doesn't bear the blood of a child on her hands.

He dreams of a world at peace to raise their children in, too, though. He's asked Andromeda to consider retiring, if they manage to conceive a child, because he doesn't want to risk her dying when they're still too young to remember her (as happened to her with her father, or Runaan with his mother, or Callisto and their parents, or - etc.). He sees how different the other types of elves are, and how they found peace among each other, and wishes they could find the same sort of common ground with humans, so that their kids don't have to grow up with the kind of fear and loss that he and Andromeda and their generation did.

That's why when he gets told the whole story of the egg and what the princes and assassins plan to do with the Dragon Queen, he'll support them. He'll be terrified but he'll stand with them in spirit anyway, because they're offering a real chance at a future he wished for and never thought possible. He may be moved to come to the Storm Spire after Viren's army passes through Xadia, to offer whatever help he can, but when it's just the assassins heading for the Dragon Queen he'll stay in the Silvergrove for safety, both his own and to help prepare for a potential negative reaction from Zubeia.

[strayheartless]

DnD AGSZC. You know you have HCs. Sharing is caring.

oh well, twist my arm why don'tcha!

So to start, Sephiroth is one of THOSE players. You know the ones: makes broken characters that seemingly can do anything by level five; consistently has a rather depressing backstory that drives their character to be a dick to everyone for the sake of "roleplay". one of THOSE PLAYERS (see also: the Chocobro... or as Salty has pointed out to me, the Genebro.)

Likes to dable with his Characters. Though his favorite remains his Dragonborn Oathbraker Paladin, named Azriel who turned on the party in one paticular campaign to join forces with a powerful female Dragonborn Litch... I don't thing I really need to tell you why.

Angeals a pain because he wants to play "correctly". he's not competative but heis a rulebook warrior. Cloud has banned the Player's handbook from the table for this very reason. Angeal complains about "house rules" and the "rule of fun" all the time, even while activly enjoing the game. He's a pain.

He usually plays a Paladine and his drive for adventure is always "to avenge/ make his father proud. he once pushed the boat out at Clouds behest and broke his oath, and it didn't go... Well. to put it lightly everyone at the table cried (esspecially Zack) and Angeal had to make a new character.

Genesis is predictable to the point of hilarity. always a Bard or a Warlock. Always a Tiefling. Always gender ambiguous. if the games not starting withthe party finding Gen drunk and bemoning exsistence in a tavern then are they really playing DnD? He will always be playing a College of Tragedy bard (Thank you Matthew Mercer.) He's never pushed the boat out once in all the time they've played and if he can squeeze a loveless Quote in where he can he's gunna do it.

Genesis is however the table flirt and the Horny player. he's rolling to seduce the dragon. Cloud has Vowed never to let them play Curse of Strahd... EVER.

Zack is never predictable in his Character build. In the beginning he went similar to Angeal except a human young fighter with dreams of being a hero, But now he likes to dabble with his classes sometimes and mess around in terms of race. Cloud likes Zacks approach to DnD cause it keeps him on his toes.

His Favorite build thus far is his Halfling Rough/Monk multiclass he based off of a little girl he met in Wutai (you know who.).

When Kunsels Available to play he plays as a College of Lore Bard. He knows everything and Cloud is pretty sure He's been spying on his notes between games.

They are all suprisingly big on Roleplay which is fine by cloud cause it makes his job more fun. He's made them cry multiple times with his storylines, and His NPC voices are unparalelled. concidering he's not expressive in his day to day, he comes alive as DM.

There has been some massive in jokes that make other people question if they are sane or not. things like all the boys mimicing Clouds voice yelling "DON'T FUCK THE DRAGON!" everytime they gointo monster dens. Or looking Angeal up and Down and saying "I don't have the hit points to clinb you like a tree," .

Genesis begs Cloud to make a LOVELESS based Campaign... Cloud doesn't want to admit he already has one, hes just afraid Gen will pick holes in it.

Zack is a bastard for casting Fireball when he doesn't have the hit points to survive his own spell. the one time he played a wizard he cast it, did 39 points of damage and only JUST survived by one singular hit point.

Kunsel has the magic touch where dice are concerned. He constantly rolls consistently high rolls.

Cloud is absoloutly sure Sephiroth uses loaded dice. but he can't prove it.

Angeal always seems to end up getting attacked by mimics. doesn'tmatter how many times it happens, he always has too much trust in everyday objects.