#seen as a woman but not actually one. actually a man but not seen as one. envious of other trans people.

[paper-mario-wiki]

hey so …question.

i was raised male. biologically female. it’s for very greek hero reasoning, i promise. nothing boring ever happens in my family.

i don’t want to be male. i want to be female. would it be appropriate to call myself a trans woman? it’s something i like using…but i don’t want to appropriate or anything.

hmmm

"trans" is a modifier word, right? that's why it's important to leave a space in "transwoman", because there's no such thing as a entity that is a "transwoman", there is only "a woman that is trans". i consider myself to be a woman. i often say "trans woman", but only because i usually like to describe myself as accurately as possible.

the meaning in the word "trans" is from the relevant change made in one's life. being raised as a boy, i never had anyone teach me to do my makeup, or to put on a dress. during thanksgiving and christmas i was never expected to be in the kitchen with all my sisters and aunts, because that wasn't seen as my responsibility. i don't know how to braid my hair-- i didn't even know how to tie a ponytail for the longest time. all of these things are things i've had to learn as an adult in order for me to start fitting into the social expectations of womanhood. those things are what i'd consider to have been the bulk of the effort in my "transition" so far, and none of them are biological.

if we are going by the bio-essentialist argument (that is to say, the taxonomic origins of the terms "trans man" and "trans woman"), then i'd say "no, you cant use it, because you are biologically female". but then, what's the point of being supportive of trans people if we're still capitulating to the standards of qualification the people oppressing us set?

can i use this reasoning to tell you empirically "yeah you can use this term"? i dont think so, but that's just because of how damn specific your situation is. i have very little knowledge about your actual life, so i dont know how much of a transition you'll have to make to start feeling comfortable as a woman. but hopefully this'll at least give you some perspective on figuring it out for yourself.

[henneseyhoe]

What A Woman Wants; Fun

JoeyBada$$ X BLACK!FEM!Reader

WARNINGS: Basically pwp, Strangers sex(don’t be her, this is crazy lmao), Mentions of intoxication (the reg shit), Daddy kink(surprise, surprise), Public sex, Bathroom sex(kinda?), No protection (WRAP IT BEFORE YA SMACK IT), Dirty talk cause yeah, Unedited (girl im tired, sorry)

SUMMARY: What’s the point of going out if you can’t have fun?

1 | 2 | ? |

✮✮✮✮

She honestly had no business being out this late, especially downtown. But, she was a sucker for pretty lights and good music, she needed an excuse to wear a sexy dress with heels way too tall and she wanted to score free drinks, which she successfully did with the bat of her long eyelashes, successfully pulling in anyone that looked her way like a cheetah ready to pounce on its prey.

One of them were for sure to be her victim tonight, and she knew exactly who by the time she was sipsy and on the dance floor.

Bodies crowded all around her, moving to the beats of soca and dancehall music bumping through speakers loud enough to almost damage hearing. The air was nearly polluted with weed smoke.

All she focused on was moving her hips to the rhythm and giving the man behind her a show better than he had seen in all his years of living even if it was just a simple whine of her waist, she was gonna make it look as sexy as it could be as her mini dress rode up the cup of her ass with every swirl. She didn’t care.

“No panties?”

He asks as his hands trail up the front of her thighs, breath warm against the neck he had riddled hickeys on seconds ago. His voice was deep, a new york accent prevalent all throughout that made her pussy scream fuck me till the sun up, or at least till I tell you to fuck off.

She shakes her head slowly and licks her lips, her crimped curls falling into her face as she continued to whine up against him, pulling him closer behind her by the back of his neck.

He didn’t even have to ask, really. He knew the feeling of pussy in his lap when he felt it, clothed or not.

“I was hoping later tonight i’d get this dress ripped off and fucked like I deserved to be”

He let out a low moan from her forwardness, his heart skipping a beat behind his rib cage and his hands gripping hard on her waist to help control the fluidness of her movements. She could just feel his hard dick against her ass, twitching underneath the restricting true religion jeans at each word she devilishly spoke to him.

As they danced, there were moans leaving their mouths that only they could hear, thumping in her core that only she could feel. His breathing against her ear had her hot with arousal, a large hand with fingers decorated with jewelry coming up to wrap around her throat and grip to keep her grinding just in the right place. She whimpers softly as her dancing stutters, the girl feeling a nudge at her entrance from his erection.

“Keep doing that shit imma have to fuck you right in the middle of this club, ma” He spoke against her ear again, pressing harder against her. Without any other thought, she nodded needly as if he had asked her instead, earning a smack to her ass that would have made her almost stumble forward if it wasn’t for him holding her back against his chest.

“Outside. Now”

There was bass in his voice, just enough to make her quickly break away from him to follow instructions.

He watched every single step, her dress repeating rolling up the curve of her ass on each click of the six inchers her feet were screaming to get out of, but she would just have to ignore it for the night. Making it to the bathroom in the heels wasn’t even the hard part, it was actually staying up right in them when getting pounded standing up.

Fucking in a bathroom hallway wasn’t ideal, but they couldn’t wait to get to her apartment, his, or even his car.

One leg lifted and held up on his shoulder with her back against a wall, his hands gripped onto her waist to keep her in place as her hands grabbed a hold of his biceps. Thank god for flexibility gained by her stretching that morning.

She heard the sound of his chains clanking against his chest and felt the cold material of them against her leg with every movement in, the feeling of cool metal on her skin being just enough to add onto her pleasure.

“Give it to me!”

She begged breathlessly and he gladly obliged, slightly bending his knees to hit that secret spot that had her toes curling into her shoes. At any point anyone could walk out and see them. See her bent and surrendering to him. He wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Say my name, ma”

She didn’t even know the niggas name, but her immediate response was—

“DADDY!”

And he happily accepted it. The tip of his dick effortlessly found her gspot in no time and he wasted nothing to continue to press up against it, leaving her a babbling mess. It was like he had broken free a dam, pussy responding to his beck and call by soaking him and pulling him deeper.

He curses under his breath, praising her on how good she was taking him with no prep beforehand.

“You’re so fucking deep!”

Her tummy swirled when she felt the tip of him sit at the button of her belly button, her eyes widening.

“That’s how you like it, right? Lemme know, baby, I wanna make this pussy get right”

He moans, his lips brushing against hers just before he pecks them once to get his fix.

“Yes! Yes! Fuck!”

He made her forget she had free will to cover her mouth as she did truly wonder about the volume of her voice right now even with music playing, but she was too caught up in the strokes he was delivering, a sudden slow swirl of his hips to reposition himself followed by a hard press into her that filled her to the brim taking all of her breath away. He could listen to her whimpering like that for hours.

“I know, baby, I know. Let that shit out, I wanna feel that pussy cum for me”

He encouraged her, a lopsided grin growing on his face as he watched her completely lose it. He himself couldn’t even contain a manageable volume, but he also didn’t care like she did. He was gonna make his noise regardless. Let her know that pussy was good.

“When we done imma need that number, ma. You call me whenever, aight?” He spoke in between doing his damage, his eyes now focusing on where they met.

She moans in agreement since that was all she could really do without her voice breaking. He understood because he could feel the choking squeeze of her walls, her cream sticking to his balls and making the clapping sound way more apparent. He could feel that ribbon in his lower stomach slowly, but surely begin to tighten and his love sounds started to get more fluent.

“Pretty ass face, good fuckin’ pussy. You deserved some dick tonight, ma”

“You hear that shit? Wet ass pussy”

“Let daddy get you that nut, baby, wet that dick up”

The sounds of his deep voice set off throbbing in her clit and she only needed one more thing to push her over the edge again, and he supplied exactly what was needed.

He looks into her eyes with intention to break her and lets go of one side of her hip, bringing his thumb to her mouth and allowing her to suck. She did so proudly, bobbing her head and humming out moans until he pulled out and pressed the pad of his thumb against her aching clit, rubbing small circles.

“Oh- Oh shit! I’m-“

She shuttered before her knee buckled and her head flew back, thankfully a few inches away from a wall so she didn’t hurt herself. He caught her and made sure she stayed up right, still playing with her clit as his hips bucked and stuttered in sync with hers, his own release triggered by the tightening of her warm walls. There was no pulling out from then, He would have just had to make sure he bought her a pill the next morning.

✮✮✮✮

💌~ i deadass can’t tell if i like this or not and it’s bugging me 💀 hopefully yall fw it tho. Had to go back to my roots with an og rq cause nobody like answering me apparently! (apart from the two babes that did, love yall down <3)

[wlwmedarda]

I'm honestly just looking to rant and this might be long depending on how fast I get irritated the more I type so if this isn't coherent or well written I apologize in advance. Since it looks like Ambessa will take on a more antagonistic role in arcane season two, I would like to unpack the fandom's antiblackness that you guys are either blind to or aware and too pussy to call it out as my gut is telling me it's gonna increase and if no one is gonna start the difficult conversation then I sure as hell will.

Sevika:

Mel:

Starting off strong with the definition of "you guys want complex female characters but can't even handle her". Mel Medarda is in quite the predicament seeing how she's morally grey, a black woman, AND "gets in the way" of a mlm ship so she was kinda screwed from the start. A cunning politician disowned for her pacifism who acts as a sort of bridge to Noxus' slow introduction, and is THE ONLY CHARACTER IN THE SEASON 1 MAIN CAST SPECIFICALLY CREATED FOR THE SHOW. She's treated like satan incarnate or a Jezebel (highly suggest looking into that if you don't know what that is), GOOD character analysis is rare, and when she is talked about positively, it's so often chalked up to appearances that I'd rather yall not talk about her at all. Oh you love Mel? Then can we talk about her relationship with her mother? Unpack her dynamic with Jayce? Maybe more fanworks centered around her? I've seen yall's fake asses dropping the shittiest fucking takes about her only to turn around and gush over how pretty she is, and yall think you're slick about it and you're not. I would say I prefer the ones who are loud and proud about their hatred but that'd be a lie, they're two cheeks on the same ass; annoying and couldn't give a decent break down of her character if a gun was pointed at they head even she's perfect to dissect. I could talk about her more but we'd be here all day and so many black women even from outside the fanbase have already talked about yall so there's no need for me to add on 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️.

Quick question, have you guys ever tried to talk about her in a non sexual way? Yes, Sevika is undeniably sexy and you could argue that true stans of hers talk about her outside of horny time, but a good half of the fandom is a different story. In a similar case to Mel's, deep dives into her character are rare to find which is crazy when she acts as Zaun's own "kingmaker". She's loyal to her city and the cause, never to a specific person and will not hesitate to betray you. She could be your right hand man one day, and the next she might find a better kingpin to follow and stab you in the back like it all meant nothing. "Were you tempted?" "Not for a worm like him". Simple and subtle and probably my favorite Sevika scene; she comes to realize Silco is no longer the best leader for Zaun, but he's as good as it gets for now and so she sticks by him. I remember a YouTube comment breaking down how she's essentially the quintessential Zaun: a brute warrior molded by her environment, who defied Vander's peaceful ways and embraced Silco's cruelty. Her mindset and goal is interesting and you'd think it'd result in some fascinating meta or exploration of her upbringing when we got a hint that she potentially has some daddy issues right? Obviously, but what do we get instead? White sapphics treating her like nothing more than a sexual object. How delightful!

Ekko:

This might partially be Riot's fault because — and I hate to sound like a league lore nerd — Ekko is quite underdeveloped compared to the richer origins of his former pre arcane self, but I'm gonna hold off on that till the season finale to see how they handle him. Anyways, at this point the fandom clearly sees him as Jinx's trophy husband. When you talk about him, she is brought into the convo 90% of the time. That's exactly why I prefer black timebomb shippers over the nonblack ones because I trust they actually love Ekko as a character on his own. Even though I have my complaints regarding how's been written so far, I still know he's too good to be reduced to Jinx's loverboy. He fights and cares for his city, the only character that you can confidently say is pure of heart, and is the revolutionary leader Zaun really needs. He's just as smart as Jinx too, he is literally going to create TIME TRAVEL. Why does no one wanna talk about that? Can we be excited for his character development and arc not just for the timebomb scenes you'll get out of it?

Ambessa:

Can't even deny this woman is awful but her presence on screen enthralled me after a couple of rewatches and I also love bad mothers in media so I've settled on a love/hate relationship. Yes, she's definitely gonna have some influence on Caitlyn, which makes sense since she has now lost her mother; she's vulnerable and as we have seen, naive. She's practically free real estate for Ambessa. My recent worry though has been how the fandom seems to be willing to put all of Caitlyn's actions on her as if Cait isn't a grown ass woman who can make her own decisions. Of course being grown doesn't mean you're immune to manipulation, but I've seen some Silco and Jinx comparisons and it is NOT the same. Mind you we haven't even seen the first three episodes; we don't know how far Ambessa's manipulation is going to go and we can't really tell what the dynamic is gonna be like based off of clips and trailers that are likely shown out of context on purpose to throw people off. I'll never defend her actions, hell I'll join in on the lashings, but my black ass is also not gonna sit here and let yall talk about her weirdly or pin all of this on her.

Some might say I'm overthinking this, but I've been here since November 2021 and have sat back and observed for 2 years. You don't have to write deep, philosophical conversations 24/7, I'm sure it's not all in bad faith and I won't act like I don't thirst over Sevika or marvel at Mel's beauty. I'm not saying you have to like these characters and that you're racist if you don't. My frustration comes from the lack of nuanced conversations and hypocritical opinions surrounding black characters in this show. When you try to say something about this, you're hit with excuses; it reminds me of how man obsessed fujoshis act when they're questioned for not giving two fucks about female characters. They're either reduced to one character trait, only admired for their looks, or only discussed when it's about the white character they're connected to. Do NOT under ANY circumstance be black and morally ambiguous, you WILL be held to higher moral standards than everyone's wittle blorbos who can do wrong and are defended from all sides when you dare to take the rose colored stan glasses off and criticize them. What's really ridiculous is you hear the "complex characters" bullshit every two to three business days and some of you have the nerve to boast about this series being diverse while simultaneously ignoring the complexities in the characters of color. This is the main reason I took a step back and with season two around the corner I thought "Hey, maybe it'll be better this time!" and it was a mistake. Good to know yall still have an underlying racism problem you don't wanna address but with some extra classism thrown in. "What will we do once Arcane ends?" hopefully get a job, touch some grass, and reflect. Lord knows yall need it. The faster yall sizzle out the better. I'm done that's all I have to say lol goodnight 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽.

[oswildin]

Debated making this, but oh well, here we are…

I rewatched the Loki series.

Going to add here quickly that I have been a fan of Loki since 2012/2013, and I personally relate to his character for a multitude of reasons.

Now, I enjoy the series, but I wish they made it more character focused than they had. I do feel like they prioritised story in terms of making it fit the next phase over exploring and expanding on Loki’s character to some degree (a lot of it was surface level).

For example, I would’ve loved to have seen:

Exploring Loki’s Jotun heritage, even if it was a variant of him in the void that embraced it, dropped his aesir form, a conversation between Loki and his Jotun variant as they explain why they chose to embrace it, giving a different view to maybe how our Loki sees himself/the Jotuns. If ‘What If’ could have a frost giant Loki variant, why couldn’t the show?

Expanding upon what happened to Loki during that year after his fall from the Bifrost. The reason for this is self explanatory really, it would add more lore/depth to his experiences/actions during the Avengers. Maybe address the trauma he has from it.

Loki fighting with his so-called ‘desire’ for a throne more. By this I mean, I felt he flipped pretty quickly from his plan to overthrow the time keepers to just following along with Sylvie - which is fine, but I kinda thought there would be more push back from him. I get it was a life or death situation and Loki’s whole thing is ‘survival’, but it would’ve added to their dynamic and the fact the writers clearly wanted to push how Sylvie was different to other Loki’s.

Exploring Sylvie’s backstory more. It really did feel like it was an afterthought, which is a shame. I suppose they left it ambiguous for certain reasons, but I think they should’ve had more flashback scenes of what Sylvie could remember. I think it would’ve helped people understand and relate to her more. (I do love her though).

Actually showed Loki’s gender fluidity & shapeshifting ability more. Again, self explanatory really & important to his character, plus the whole implied only ‘woman variant’ thing with Sylvie should’ve not been a thing, like at all.

They should’ve given Loki more time to process everything. This show really should’ve had 8 episodes each season, I get that’s not the writers fault, likely Disney/marvel’s doing. Perhaps then the shift in his character wouldn’t have felt so jarring, especially considering he’s 2012 Loki. I do agree they wrote him as if he was Ragnarok!Loki, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it just felt jarring considering the last we saw of this Loki was Avengers. But then I could also argue that maybe he thought ‘what’s the point of it’ because the TVA know everything about him, but I digress.

Used Sylvie more in S2. It did feel like they didn’t quite know what to do with her, her and Loki clearly just needed to sit and discuss the citadel fight, but the closest thing we got is in EP3 where Sylvie says ‘this is all rather familiar, isn’t it?’, referencing their different/opposing opinions on the TVA/He Who Remains. And also maybe the pie room scene, but it’s very vague/not directly addressed.

Explored the fact that Mobius is not a good guy more. Because, he isn’t. And that’s okay. To me, the whole point of the show is based on Loki’s quote of ‘no one good is ever truly good, and no one bad is ever truly bad’, and whilst they do reference Mobius’ own morally grey actions/traits, they don’t particularly make it clear and most just see him as this ‘happy go lucky old man who likes pie and loves Loki variants’. In fact, I actually really liked the scene where Sylvie confronts him - which is a very unpopular opinion to have it seems, lol.

Delved into the psychology of Loki further than surface level/what we already know about him. Yes, we know he’s the God of Mischief. Yes, we know he isn’t evil. Yes, we know he is redeemable. Yes, we know he’s cunning, manipulative and selfish. We get that he projects this ‘illusion’ of himself, but it was only really mentioned in S1 EP1, maybe slightly EP2, before it’s never really mentioned again. I suppose S2 does this to a degree with the bar scene and EP5 of S1 in the time cell with Sif - also I think they tried to take the narcissist angle from the pov that it’s because of his low self-esteem as to why he needs validation and it’s a defence mechanism, but they didn’t particularly make that clear and made it seem like he just thinks highly of himself.

I know it seems like I have a lot of issues with the show, and I do, but I still enjoyed it. It’s okay to be critical of a piece of media and still enjoy it.

I do prefer S2 to S1, mostly because I prefer the direction they took it in and whilst I, of course, wanted better for Loki, I can’t deny S2 EP6 is a stunning finale. I sobbed so hard during the ending and still feel the grief that I actually lost someone I knew personally. But I also have hope that this means Loki is now a main player in the next phase (am I delusional? Maybe).

I enjoyed the dynamics, the back and forth/chemistry, the story was interesting, the set & costume design, the acting, the directing/colour grading, the music (Natalie Holt, you are genius), the emotions, the fun, the characters…

So this is not a hate post by any means, I will once again state, I enjoyed the show. But, I do have issues with it, and that’s okay too.

Please, dni if you’re just going to be argumentative or confrontational. I also don’t want to hear that just because I enjoyed the show that I’m ‘not a real fan’ lmao. I’m sorry, but I’ve been a Loki stan for over a decade, and I will not have someone tell me I’m not a real fan because of a piece of fictional media. Also, please do not mention anything regarding ships on this post, I do not care for it because it always ends up in arguments and I am a multishipper so I don’t tend to fight for any side. Thank you! :) /gen

[rems-writing]

Fuckboy Hongjoong headcanon

-> Pairing: fuckboy!Hongjoong x amab!reader

-> Trope: strangers to lovers

-> Wordcount: 2,200 words

-> Rating: nc-17

Nets: @mirohs-aurora-society @othersideoutlawsnetwork @illusionnet

I'm also tagging @acupoftaewithsomesuga because why tf not lol

-> Kim Hongjoong was not your average fuckboy. Due to the punk aesthetic he always has with his fits (i.e. plaid skirts attached to black ripped jeans, combat boots, band tees, black leather jacket, and eyeliner that makes his eyes more alluring than ever), most students assumed otherwise. His antics and high body count (do not ask 💀) molded his personality into that of the type of rockstar that does drugs and sleeps with lot of women and the occasional man. Yeah, this boy was bi. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who is always seen getting turnt at either a frat party or a spring break rager, chugging beer and slipping his tongue down any woman’s throat before taking them to bed for the night and forcing them to leave the next morning. It’s either that or he leaves. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who even has professors fall at his feet due to his charm and that infamous smirk that everyone loves

-> Well… everyone except you

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who felt like his word had stopped when he laid his eyes on you walking through the entrance of the college campus,

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who felt a strange feeling in his chest when you brushed past him with your earbuds in and a CD player tucked in your hands alongside many notebooks and a couple of textbooks.

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who felt strangely elated when he found out that he shared the same literature class as you despite always showing up late to that class, as well as other classes. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who fought to stay awake just to listen to your voice as you introduced yourself to the class and explained why you loved literature so much. He usually falls asleep in the times that he actually shows up to class. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who waltzed his way towards you when the professor decided to have everyone stand up and walk around so every student can get to know each other. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who was surprised when you held your hand up and bluntly told him that you knew what he was and that unless they were paired up for a project together, you want nothing to do with him due to his reputation around the college. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who usually brushes off that statement with ease if someone else said it. However, since it was you, he felt his chest tighten with pain. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who kept up his nonchalant act and shrugged with indifference as he walked away from you. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who sat back down in his seat when the icebreaker was over and the professor started lecturing. Although, he just stared at you from afar rather than paid attention to the actual lecture. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who watched you leave after you had packed everything and left the lecture hall. He was enamoured with the way you moved. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who saw you walking down the hall and called out to you to join him at his table in the campus cafe. His smirk was painted on his face as usual. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who was surprised when he saw you gape at him like he was stupid before walking away briskly. 

-> “God he’s a tough one to crack.” He muttered to himself. “Oh well!”

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who found himself at yet another party with a girl straddling him, kissing his neck and moaning at the occasional squeeze of her hips. It was his way of encouraging her to keep going. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who looked up but instead of the random girl’s face, he was looking at yours. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, whose eyes widened before shutting them tightly and opening them again so he could see the girl’s face again. 

-> “Sorry. Maybe I smoked too much.” He reassured her. Or was he trying to reassure himself? Sure, he did smoke before this, but he didn’t hit the blunt that hard to visualize someone else on top of him. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who fell back into his usual antics when he took the girl to an empty room and fucked the daylights out of her in order to distract himself. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who immediately clothed himself after he was done with her and made sure she was fast asleep before leaving the room, cursing to himself when his clunky boots hit the hardwood floor. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who exited the party that was still going on and found himself wandering outside, thinking about what exactly was happening to him. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who accidentally bumped into you, causing you to almost drop the CD player in your hands. For some reason, he’d blame himself if it ever broke. Luckily, it didn’t since your earbuds were plugged in so it just hung there instead.

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who saw you widen your eyes and clutch your CD player to your chest before turning away from him. He felt his own chest tighten again. Surely, he didn’t think he was that bad to even break things on purpose. Right?

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who helplessly watched you walk away after muttering a half-assed “Thanks” to him. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who shook his head and scolded himself for caring about your opinion on him when he really shouldn’t before walking home. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who actually found himself walking to literature class not only on time, but early at that. Professor Park was pleasantly surprised with this. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who felt excited when he found out that he was partnered with you for a project. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, whose excitement died down when he saw you wearily approach him and cautiously sit next to him. Your hood was over your head and you kept looking down. Why did that hurt his heart?

-> “Oh, come on. I’m not that evil! Right?” Hongjoong joked with you, only to receive a silent yet serious answer when you didn’t respond to his attempt at making the atmosphere a little lighter. 

-> “Hey. Say something.” Hongjoong urged gently but to no avail. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who decided to focus on the project by opening his textbook. 

-> “It’s fine. I’ll take care of everything. Just… do whatever you want.”

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, whose eyes widened when he heard you speak for the first time. He was happy momentarily before he realized the weight of your words. You’d basically do all the work and he’ll just present the project before getting the grade. He’d hated how you assumed that he doesn’t care about schoolwork. He also hated how you were right. Most of the time, he could give two fucks about assignments. However, since your arrival, he found himself wanting to be in your good graces. For the first time, he actually cared about someone’s opinion on him. 

-> “No. You listen to me. And you listen to me well, Y/N.” Hongjoong said sternly. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who regretted speaking like that when you flinched and looked up at him before nodding once, indicating that you were listening to him. 

-> “You’re right. I don’t normally care about assignments. However, since you have this vendetta against me, how about I prove to you that I actually care about this class?” Hongjoong explained softly yet firmly. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who stuck out his overly ringed hand to you so you could shake it and be a part of this truce that he was putting out. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who felt flustered for the first time in a long while when you took your hand in his and shook it. Your skin was soft. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who found himself longing for your touch after you let go. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who found himself in the library with you after class to get a head start on the project. You would do the writing while he would do the research. The both of you would occasionally switch roles so you wouldn’t tire yourselves out doing the same thing. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who would notice that you’re getting tired and told you that they can continue either later on tonight or maybe even tomorrow. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who bid you goodbye before going back to his dorm room to study some more rather than go to the next party available. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who found you at the campus cafe the next morning and gingerly approached you. 

-> “Hey. I know we have all of the next class to do more of the project, but I wanted to ask your opinion on something.” He asked shyly. Hongjoong was never shy. Ever! Yet around you, he couldn’t help but feel this way. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who hung onto every word as you explained the part that he was stuck on for the project, nodding along and jotting down side notes in the margins of his notebook. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who walked alongside you to literature class before sitting next to you. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who felt proud of himself for contributing to the project and was extremely happy that you were warming up to him.

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who was about to bid you goodbye when you offered to hang out with him outside of class. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who couldn’t help but tease you when you explained that you felt bad for being indifferent with him when they first met before sighing lightly and reassuring you that it’s fine. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who found himself falling deeper and deeper in love with you as you two continue to hang out with each other every day. Yeah, that was it. Hongjoong felt love. That would explain why he felt his heart blossom at the sight of you every time he’s near you. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who, all of a sudden, hates his reputation and is racking his brain on how to change himself for the better. He even asked Professor Park for some insight!

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who was walking down the hall one day to his next class when he saw a group of girls (aka his past flings) surround you. He knew right then and there that the karma that attached itself to his reputation would bite him in the ass. And it did. Hard. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who took it upon himself to march over towards them and shove them away from you. 

-> “You’re seriously protecting him? I mean we get that you’re bi, but what’s so special about him? You do realize that he’s nothing more than a phase, right?”

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who felt his blood boil dangerously upon hearing their words and clenched his fist before speaking through gritted teeth. 

-> “He sees me beyond my reputation. He knows me. Inside and out. He is someone whom I would give everything up for. Because guess what? I fell in love with him. And I will not stand by and let bitches like you fill his head with lies and tell him otherwise. The moment you approached him and started harassing is the same moment where I realized that this isn’t the life for me. I don’t want my reputation. I don’t want a different person on my arm every day. I don’t want him to be scared of me. I don’t want him to push himself away from me. I want his trust. His love. So I suggest you scram before I make things worse for you.” 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who felt satisfied when seeing the girls run away. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who looked down at your hunched form and bent down to your height to get a better look at you. 

-> “Was that too much? I’m sorry. I know we’re just friends, but what I said is true. I’m willing to change for you.”

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who grabbed your hand and placed it against his chest, his heart beating steadily underneath your palm. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who blushed upon feeling your lips on his cheek. You had kissed him! If he was in his room, he’d probably kick his feet and giggle loudly like a schoolgirl. 

-> “Thank you… for standing up for me. And for returning my feelings.”

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who held your hand, savoring the feeling of your fingers intertwined with his.

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who gradually felt himself change overtime as his first romantic relationship was slowly progressing. Gone was the punk aesthetic (minus the many piercings on his ear and the half skirt attached to the pants. You expressed that it was a cool fashion statement and that you wanted to try it out one day). Hoodies replaced leather jackets, regular sneakers replaced combat boots (he would only wear the boots if the mood called for it), and his eyeliner was gone. In addition, anytime someone would flirt with him, he’d deadpan at them before bluntly stating that he’s taken.

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who’d roll his eyes playfully as you tease him for the harsh rejection. Deep down, you loved the loyalty he was displaying. 

-> “Oh, come on, Joongie! She was actually pretty.”

-> “Yeah, but not as pretty as you, baby boy.”

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who smirked in satisfaction as you blushed shyly and hit his shoulder playfully before laughing and holding you close to him. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who watched you fix his hair underneath the beanie he was wearing with adoration. 

-> Kim Hongjoong, who no longer identifies himself as a fuckboy ever since he has met you and would do anything to keep you by his side. Always and forever. 

[elliegoose]

one day i wanna do some good research on how many gainers/feedees first thought of themselves as just being feeders, especially if they started out thin. like personally, i only even got into this kink in the first place because i was in denial about how much i disliked being thin, and i kind of channeled that repressed desire to be fat into the feeder role since that's what was more internally acceptable than the idea that i'd try to gain myself.

of course, for me this overlapped with being trans; i thought i wasn't a gainer because i didn't like the idea of being seen as a fat man, but once i started putting on weight, it turned out that the actual problem i had within that nebulous aversion was not the fat part but the man part. being seen as a fat woman rules actually and is kind of the greatest thing ever.

point is, i'm super curious as to how many other folks have had similar experiences of initially getting into the feeder role because they were in denial about wanting to be fat(ter) themselves.

[serenelystrange]

Rated G

At AO3, or under the cut!

“Oh, I am going to murder the new guy,” Buck hisses under his breath.

Taylor looks up from the paperwork on her newest sale with an arched eyebrow and sighs.

“He’s literally just doing his job, Buckley. Like I’m trying to and like you should be.”

“He stole her right from under me!”

“You mean he smiled at her when she walked in, and she made a beeline to him?” Taylor asks, smirking.

“Oh, Eddie, what a handsome boy you are! My granddaughter would love you!” Buck mocks in an irritated whisper.

“Buck,” Taylor sighs. “I know you have an appointment in ten minutes that you haven’t printed anything for. And I also know that you’re just jealous you aren’t the only pretty boy on the block anymore.”

“I’m not a pretty boy,” Buck says, pouting prettily.

“Go away and let me finish this,” Taylor says. “You’re never going to win that contest if you spend all your time whining about how Eddie is better at his job than you.”

“Oh, I’m winning that SUV,” Buck says darkly. “It’ll be the best wedding gift for Maddie and Chim, especially with the baby coming.”

“You know,” Taylor muses dryly, “If you’d been even half this determined in our relationship, we probably would have dated more than two months.”

“Low blow, Tay,” Buck scoffs. “Low blow.”

Taylor just glares.

“Ok, ok, I’m going!”

He hurries off to the back to print the welcome packet for his next appointment, the image of Eddie’s annoyingly charming smile burned into his brain.

“What’s that for you, Diaz?” Buck asks as they’re all headed out for the night. “Two today?”

Taylor looks between them for a moment before rolling her eyes and striding for the door, leaving Buck to his weird one-sided pissing contest.

“I’ve told you to call me Eddie,” Eddie says calmly, ignoring the baiting tone. “You know that. And it was three, actually. Mrs. Allen bought that little red Nissan for her husband’s birthday.”

“I hope they get full coverage,” Buck says, frowning at the memory of Mr. Allen test-driving a few of their cars previously.

Eddie laughs and shakes his head, remembering the same day. “I hope she makes him go to the optometrist.”

Buck smiles for a moment before remembering he’s annoyed at the man, and scowls again.

“I’m still going to win that contest,” he says. “You’re good, but I’m in the lead.”

Eddie just gives him an unphased look and shrugs easily.

“There’s still two weeks left, Evan,” he drawls. “I guess we’ll see who comes out on top.”

He holds the door open for Buck as they leave, biting back the amused grin that wants to spread onto his face as Buck stomps out the door like he has his own personal raincloud hovering above his head.

“Drive safe,” he calls out to Buck’s retreating form, just like he does every other night.

And just like every other night, Buck ignores him.

Buck spots them coming in a few days later, an easy sale if he’s ever seen one, and speedwalks as inconspicuously as possible to the door. An older but stunning Hispanic woman looks around as she enters, a young boy moving along with the aid of arm-crutches by her side.

“Welcome!” Buck says as he approaches, giving her his sunniest smile. He waves down at the boy. “Hey, buddy. You look a little young to be buying a car already!”

The boy giggles, looking up at Buck with bright blue eyes beneath his red plastic eyeglasses.

“I’m not buying a car,” he says, somewhat stiltedly but clear. “I’m here for my dad.”

“Oh?” Buck asks, straightening back up and looking at the woman. “Who’s dad? I can track him down for you.”

“I think we’ll be ok,” the woman says warmly, looking over Buck’s shoulder at someone. “He found us.”

Buck turns, and just barely stops himself from scoffing. Because of course it’s Eddie.

“Tia?” Eddie asks, with a concerned look. “Is everything ok?” He holds his arms out for his son and scoops the boy up, swinging him around until he shrieks before holding him against his side with one arm.

Buck narrowly dodges one of the swinging crutches, but finds he can’t be mad when the kid looks so happy.

Tia relays something to Eddie in rapid Spanish that Buck can’t really keep up with, his limited Spanish language skills stalling out after basic bar talk. But he knows the words for both hospital and grandmother, and he’s frozen in place awkwardly as Eddie’s face darkens with worry.

They seem to be arguing about something now, and Buck still doesn’t understand most of it, so he busies himself by making silly faces at the boy, who also doesn’t seem to be getting most of the conversation. The boy is too old to play peekaboo, but he still makes silly faces back, laughing as Buck pulls out his old party trick of wiggling his ears.

“Buck,” Eddie says, and Buck startles, looking over at him sheepishly.

“Sorry,” he says. “I was just goofing around.”

“No, it’s fine,” Eddie says, looking harried. “My abuela fell off her porch, and I need to get to the hospital. Do you think you could take my last two appointments for the day?”

“Don’t you want to reschedule?” Buck asks before he can help himself. “You’ll lose the commission.”

“I don’t have time to call them right now,” Eddie sighs, rubbing his eyes with his free hand. “I need to tell Bobby I have to leave, and might need a few days off, too.”

Buck wavers, looking at the clock on the wall, knowing he has nearly a full hour until his next appointment is even there, and knowing Taylor will be more than happy to snag any walk-ins that come their way.

“Get me the names,” Buck says, finally. “I’ll call them and reschedule for a week out if they’re up for it. You talk to Bobby and then go take care of your family, man.”

“Wait, really?” Eddie asks, stunned. “I’m basically handing you two sales here.”

“Are you complaining?” Buck asks, only a little testily.

Eddie shakes his head and hands his son off to his aunt before clapping Buck on the shoulder.

“Thank you,” he says sincerely. “I’ll grab the sheets when I’m in the back office.” “I’ll be right back,” he says to his aunt, leaving her and his son standing with Buck.

“I’m Buck,” he says, giving them a little wave.

“Pepa,” the woman introduces herself, before jiggling the little boy. “And this little man is Christopher.”

“Nice to meet you,” Buck says. “I, uh, I didn’t know Eddie had a kid.”

“My nephew can be private,” Pepa says. “Annoyingly so, sometimes,” she adds with a resigned sigh. “But Christopher is his world.”

“I’m sure,” Buck says, smiling at the adorable boy. “I bet you’re what, twelve years old?” he asks with a completely straight face.

That sets the boy off into giggles as he shakes his head. “I’m seven!” he says.

“Well, you fooled me!” Buck says, grinning.

“Come on, Mijo,” Eddie says as he gets back to them, taking him from Pepa and giving Buck another appreciated nod along with his contact sheet as they head off.

“Thanks again, Buck,” he says, and Buck just waves them off, feeling suddenly wrong-footed and not sure why.

Buck is surprised when Eddie is back the next day, and even more surprised when he spots Christopher beside him. He watches from the break room counter as Eddie gets the kid set up at one of the tables with assorted snacks and an ipad, before speaking to him quietly and kissing him on the head as he straightens up and meets Buck’s eyes.

Buck, caught staring, manages a strained smile and takes a long and very hot sip of his coffee to avoid having to speak. Unfortunately, Eddie heads for him anyway, facing the counter as he pours himself a cup of coffee. Buck suddenly regrets standing so close to the damn thing, as he can practically touch Eddie’s arm with his own.

“Thanks again for yesterday,” Eddie says quietly. “Bobby said Chris could hang out here until I get a better babysitter situation for the rest of the summer.”

“No problem,” Buck says. “It’s good that you’re back. I’d hate to win the sales contest by default.”

“Liar,” Eddie says with an amused scoff. “You’d still love it.”

“Yeah, well,” Buck says, fighting off a grin. “It wouldn’t be as fun as winning fair and square.”

“You know,” Eddie says with a growing grin. “I bet the soccer moms would love to see how well their Chris-sized kids fit in the minivans…”

“Cheater!” Buck gasps. “You can’t use an adorable face to sell cars for you!”

“Why?’ Eddie laughs, “you do it all the time. I’ve seen those little old ladies literally pinch your cheeks.”

“Better than my ass,” Buck says, cringing as he thinks about the hassling Taylor has dealt with since she joined up. “Tay kicked a guy right in the balls once though, before you were here. It was great. He threatened to sue.”

“How’d that go?” Eddie asks, delighted.

“Bobby dragged him over by his ear to watch the security footage of him grabbing Tay, and told him if he ever stepped foot in the building again, he’d have his wife arrest him.”

“Damn,” Eddie says with appreciation. “Nice.”

One week before the contest ends, Buck checks the board in Bobby’s office, finding that Eddie is just one sale away from tying his lead. He glares at the board for a long moment, as if the smudged white plastic somehow made the numbers up instead of just recording them. Shaking his head, he decides he needs more coffee before he can deal with the day.

“Hi Buck!” Chris calls out from his usual place in the breakroom as Buck walks in, waving at him excitedly.

“Hey, buddy,” Buck says, heading over to the table and sitting down across from Chris. “What are you working on?”

“Paint-by-numbers,” Chris says, frowning down at his ipad, stylus in hand. “It’s to try and help my motors.”

Buck watches him fondly as he swipes with the stylus with determination, worrying his lip in concentration.

“You mean your fine-motor skills, maybe?” Buck asks.

“Yeah,” Chris nods, “that was it.”

“Your dad with a customer?” Buck asks, realizing the room is empty besides the two of them and wondering where Eddie had vanished off to.

Chris shakes his head, still looking down at his ipad.

“He’s on the phone outside,” he says, looking up briefly to give Buck a sad look. “He doesn’t want me to hear him yell at the army people again.”

“Army people?” Buck asks.

“He got hurt in a war,” Chris says. “So they made him come home, and now he’s angry at them all the time.”

“Oh,” Buck says, quietly. He doesn’t know the whole story, sure that Eddie will have given Chris only the abridged, child-friendly version, but it’s enough to make him frown in thought. “Well, I know he’s happy to be back with you, even if he’s angry at the army.”

“Maybe,” Chris says, shrugging without looking up, and Buck feels his heart breaking for the kid.

Eddie reappears in the break room before Buck can say anything else, face flushed red with irritation that he’s trying to smother as he heads towards his son.

“How’s it going, baby?” he asks Chris, a forced lightness to his voice as he peers down at the ipad painting.

“The leaves are tricky,” Chris frowns. “They’re really small.”

“Just do your best,” Eddie says, ruffling his hair. “It’s ok if you can’t do everything all at once.”

“That’s a good lesson,” Buck says, ostensibly to Chris, but starting right up into Eddie’s surprised brown eyes.

Eddie drops his gaze, avoiding Buck’s eyes, and pretends to watch Chris painting until Buck finally looks away.

“No Chris today?” Buck asks the next day when Eddie shows up alone.

“Pepa has the day off,” Eddie says. “So he’s hanging out in his pajamas on her couch instead of at one of our shitty lunch tables.”

“They are so wobbly,” Buck agrees.

Eddie hums, heading to the back room to grab the paperwork for his first appointment. Buck follows before he realizes what he’s doing, and leans against the wall by the printer as Eddie waits for his documents.

“Chris said something about the army yesterday,” Buck says, “you got hurt?”

Eddie sighs tiredly but nods.

“Yeah,” he says. “Fucked up my shoulder pretty bad, among other things.”

“Shit,” Buck says. “I’m sorry.”

“At least I made it home,” Eddie shrugs with forced nonchalance. “Now if only the VA would actually help me with the kid they made me leave. That would be great.”

“Is Chris ok?” Buck asks with concern. “He told me he has C.P. but he seems basically alright, all things considered.”

“He’s great,” Eddie assures him. “He just needs to find a school that will actually be able to accommodate him and still give him a decent education. And that shit is so expensive.”

“And the VA doesn’t have any resources?” Buck guesses, frowning.

“They might,” Eddie says with a sigh. “But I’m so overwhelmed with it all, between the move from Texas, and finding a place for me and Chris, and starting this job, I just now started the process.”

“You’re from Texas??” Buck asks, incredulously. “How has that never come up?”

Eddie shrugs.

“No offense,” he says, “but you’ve pretty much hated me from the day I started. I didn’t think you’d want to compare backstories.”

“Oh,” Buck says, feeling all at once like an absolute buffoon. “I don’t hate you,” he says.

“Then what was with the attitude?” Eddie laughs, as the printer finally finishes collating his papers.

“It’s dumb,” Buck says, ducking his head. “But I was just jealous you swooped in here with your stupid pretty face and stole all my customers.”

“You know,” Eddie says, “Taylor did tell me you were just jealous, but I didn’t believe her.”

“I get too caught up in competition sometimes,” Buck says, sighing.

“Little bit, maybe,” Eddie says nodding. “So, you uh, you think I’m pretty?”

“Oh, we are not having this conversation,” Buck says, pushing himself off the wall and fleeing, leaving an amused Eddie laughing after him as he goes.

“Did I ever tell you about my ex, Abby?” Buck asks the next day he finds Eddie alone at the front desk. It’s a slow day, and Chris has managed to pull Taylor and Ravi into a spirited game of Go Fish in the breakroom.

“You barely spoke to me for the first two months I worked here,” Eddie says, giving him a sassy look. “So no, you haven’t told me about your ex.”

“She was a little older than me,” Buck says. “Was taking care of her mom before she died, and it was really rough on her, you know?”

“I’m sure,” Eddie says, the question of but what does this have to do with anything clear in his tone.

“It didn’t work out,” Buck says, surprised to realize it doesn’t sting as much as it used to when he says it. “But I did meet this really great woman because of her.”

“Ok?” Eddie asks, amused but still lost.

“I think you should call her,” Buck says, handing Eddie a mint green business card.

“I’m not looking for a girlfriend, Buck,” Eddie says, glaring at the card with an inordinate amount of offense, in Buck’s opinion.

“Don’t worry,” Buck says earnestly, “she’s married.”

“What is happening here?” Eddie asks with exasperation.

“She was their home health aide,” Buck explains. “She calls herself ‘red tape’s worst enemy’”, “and I bet she can get you and Chris the help you need with his school before your head explodes.”

“Oh,” Eddie says, looking up at Buck with badly disguised wonder. “You really think she can help?”

“Definitely,” Buck says, grinning. “She’s a miracle worker.”

“I don’t even know what to say,” Eddie hesitates for a moment before pulling Buck into a brief one-armed hug. “Thank you.”

“It’s uh,” Buck stammers, face flushing, “it’s nothing.”

Eddie shakes his head and claps Buck on the shoulder, leaving his hand there as he looks at him for a long moment.

“For Chris?” Eddie says, squeezing Buck’s shoulder, “this is everything.”

The bells on the door chime as a customer walks in, breaking the moment, and Buck takes the opportunity to escape to the bathroom.

Eddie can take the sale.

“You were right,” Eddie says, as Buck opens his apartment door and looks at him with bleary eyes. “It wasn’t nearly as fun to win that SUV by default.”

Buck groans, wondering how Eddie even found out where he lives, but moves back to let him in.

“It’s not my fault I got a stupid awful cold in the middle of August,” Buck sighs. “Corporate should take sick days into account.”

“Probably,” Eddie agrees, handing Buck a round Tupperware container that’s still warm. “Tia Pepa made it, it’s chicken soup.”

“You brought me soup?” Buck asks, feeling inexplicably like he might cry at the gesture. “You don’t even like me.”

“I never didn’t like you!” Eddie says, rolling his eyes. “Your beef with me was entirely one-sided!”

“Don’t be mean to me,” Buck whines, “I’m sick.”

“Lucky for you, I’m a pro at dealing with sick babies,” Eddie teases, leading Buck towards the couch he spots. “Sit down, I’ll find you a spoon.”

Buck tries to glare at him on principle but finds he doesn’t have the strength. Instead he lets himself be guided to the couch and settles down, tucking his bare feet up under his criss-crossed legs and securing the couch blanket around his shoulders.

“Chris says thank you, by the way,” Eddie says from the kitchen where he’s opening random drawers to look for spoons. “For the new car.”

“Hmm?” Buck asks, tired brain failing to understand what Chris has to do with the contest.

“My old car is on it’s last legs,” Eddie explains, “and even with our discount, I wasn’t going to be able to get anything better or bigger anytime soon. But the SUV holds his security seat and gives him plenty of room to stretch out his legs.”

“I didn’t know that,” Buck says. “You should’ve told me before.”

“I didn’t want you to lose on purpose,” Eddie says as he walks over and hands Buck the spoon before settling down on the other end of the couch. “A pity win is even worse than a win by default.”

“I wouldn’t have lost on purpose,” Buck says, the lie obvious even to his own ears.

“Sure, bud,” Eddie says, smirking. “You keep telling yourself that.”

“I hate you,” Buck groans. He takes a careful spoonful of the soup and hums happily. “But I love this soup. I guess it evens out.”

“I can live with that,” Eddie says, grabbing the remote from the coffee table. “So, what are we watching?”

Buck shrugs and pulls the Tupperware bowl up to his mouth to sip from directly, breathing in the steamy goodness.

Eddie can figure out the rest.

“Why didn’t Taylor win, anyway?” Eddie asks when Buck is recovered and back at work. “She’s killing it out there.”

“Tay goes for the high-priced sales,” Buck says. “Luxury cars and stuff. She’s good at it, and she definitely makes more money than both of us. But the contest was for the most individual sales, not the overall sales amount.”

“Well, I’m glad,” Eddie laughs. “Chris loves the car, he wanted to camp out in it the other night.”

“Adorable,” Buck says, fondly. “But not great for anyone over five feet tall.”

“I told him I’d take him camping before school starts,” Eddie says casually. “Next weekend maybe.”

“That’s cool,” Buck says. “You’ll have to make smores! It’s tradition.”

“Is that what you did with your family?” Eddie asks, looking concerned when Buck’s expression shutters for a moment.

“My parents aren’t really the family activities type,” Buck says. “But Maddie, my older sister, she would camp out with me in the backyard, and we’d make smores and tell ghost stories.” He smiles at the memory, despite it all. “She’s really great.”

“Maybe you could come with us?” Eddie asks, almost shyly. “We can make smores and roast hot dogs. Chris is excited to build the fire.”

“Yeah?” Buck asks, “I wouldn’t be in the way?”

Eddie shakes his head, giving Buck a soft smile.

“Not at all,” he says, “you should definitely come.”

Buck smiles again, feeling the blush creeping all the way up to his hairlines, but nods in agreement.

“Can’t wait.”

“I can’t believe it’s nearly Christmas,” Buck says as they’re leaving one Friday night, he and Eddie locking up as they go. “Not that it ever gets cold enough to snow here.”

“L.A. cant even handle rain,” Eddie says as they head to the employee lot, “we don’t need them trying to drive in snow.”

“Truth,” Buck agrees, shuddering at the idea.

They make it to the cars that are parked side by side, each pulling out their keys before facing each other.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Buck asks, knowing full well that Eddie has been planning their planetarium trip for literal weeks.

“Obviously,” Eddie says, grabbing Buck’s shirt collar and tugging him in for a sweet kiss.

“Drive safe,” he says, like he has every other night.

Buck steals one last kiss for the night, laughing against Eddie’s lips as he finally says it back.

The End

Notes:

Honestly, what am I even doing with my life? ^_^

[velvetvexations]

I'm not a trans woman, just a trans person who has been very active in trans and queer spaces, so it actually makes me really sad to see so many transradfems absolutely vilify femboys and gnc men because from what I've seen a LOT of trans women start out as gnc "men" or femboys or drag queens even just expiriementing in a safe place that welcomes that before realizing they're actually women and heading out(or even still being there hanging with the people who welcomed them when they were unsure and needed a community that wouldn't treat them like a freak for saying "I don't want to be masculine anymore").

Like so many trans men and mascs start out ID-ing as butch lesbians or just butches/tomboys in general and they don't turn around and vilify non-transmasc butches and tomboys as like...transandrophobes or women play acting as men, and most of them keep their ties to that community because again, that's where they were welcomed and sheltered while they figured stuff out.

And I know SO many asexuals who thought they were bi before realizing they were ace and while that isn't exactly the same they don't like, turn around and attack bi people for welcoming them as a member of the club when they needed support.

I mean it is just my perspective and I'm just one person and again I'm not a trans woman but nearly every trans woman I know who didn't like come out as a 6 year old started out just dressing up as a girl for fun first and hanging out in gnc, femboy, and drag spaces. And isn't this also why we have egg jokes about femboys and gnc men(as much as I don't like them)?? Because it's common to start off there before cracking and realizing "oh I'm a girl actually"? Why are transradfems being like "yeah I started here but everyone ELSE there is a transphobic freak" like???

It just...idk it's really sad to see transradfems attack gnc men and femboys and drag queens even because like, you obviously don't owe them anything or have to view them as your saviors or whatever but there's undeniable community overlap and seeing that ignored in favor of pretending anyone wearing woman's clothes while IDing as a man is clearly a massive transmisognist freak who deserves to be attacked when that's what a lot of trans women started out as is like...what?

Makes me really sad. We're supposed to be in this together, right? We're all deviants in one way or another, I even count otherwise cishet but still gnc men as my queer allies, like it or not imo back when Finnster ID-ed as a cishet man I still thought they were one of us(I mean getting banned from twitch for adjusting your bra strap seems like some textbook misogyny and even transmisogny but what do I know), we're all under attack for just trying to live the lives we want to live. What good does it do to divide us up like this. How are those of us who don't know right away going to find our footing if we don't have safe spaces to expiriement with people who will love and support us and cheer when we figure out who we truly are? How are those of us who are deviant but not trans supposed to thrive without support and acceptance?

Isn't that what this is all supposed to be about?

It's depressing. Thank you for your thoughts, anon. <3 I appreciate that others see this same thing and also despair. It makes me feel like I'm not cracking up to know that this is alarming to you as well.

[cerise-on-top]

Hiya, I love your writing! Could you please write soap, Nikolai and laswell with a s/o to ho has a big stomach and is insecure about it? I understand if not!! :)))

Hey there! Thank you! And sure!

Soap, Laswell and Nikolai with a Chubby!Reader

Soap: Oh, this man is a big lover of chubby people. What’s not to love? It shows that you’re eating well. Besides, it makes you all the more adorable too, doesn’t it? Considering he’s a very tactile man, he’s going to be feeling you up at every possible opportunity, slipping his hand under your shirt and squeezing away. You’re his little stress ball, warm, soft, adorable. There’s really no reason at all to be insecure. He’s going to remind you time and time again that you’re absolutely handsome, gorgeous, breathtaking, and so much more. I think he’s the type of bastard to make you look at yourself in the mirror and say nice things about yourself. You will be repeating after him. I am beautiful. I am adorable. I deserve the world and so much more. He’s going to be all over your tummy all the time, just as a reminder that it’s absolutely adorable and that you have no reason at all to be ashamed of yourself. Yes, he will reassure you with words as well, but nothing beats getting to feel you in his hands. Will put his head on your tummy as well, even if you resist. The only valid reason he’ll get off of you is when you have to use the bathroom. You’ll never get a break from this man.

Laswell: She’s not a touchy woman. Not at all. So if you don’t like being touched, you’re in luck. Though, she’s extremely observant, so she’ll know immediately that you’re insecure about yourself. I think it would start with something small. Her telling you that you’re very handsome. That you really have no need to be insecure about anything at all. She adores you. Personality, body, she loves it all. If you ever feel down about your body, she’ll sit beside you, bringing you a warm beverage of your choice and telling you all the things she loves about you. Especially when it comes to your body. You’re so much softer than she is. If she was cuddly, then she’d love nothing more than to wrap her arms around your tummy and just hold you close, feel how soft and warm you are. If you don’t believe her then she’ll put her ick aside and actually give you a hug, telling you about how perfect you are in every way. There’s statues of marble that get jealous when they see you. She’ll definitely use her words to cheer you up and hope that it works. And if not, then she’ll resort to leaving sticky notes for you to find that remind you of how gorgeous you are. She loves you and that will never ever change.

Nikolai: He doesn’t get it at all. Why do you find yourself ugly? You’re literally the most handsome person he’s ever seen. Not that he’s shallow like that, but if he didn’t find you at least a little handsome then he wouldn’t have gotten with you. Whether or not he’ll be touchy with you entirely depends on whether or not you’re a touchy person. If you are, then he’ll be more than happy to hold you close, trailing his hands over your tummy and reminding you that you’re gorgeous, that there’s nothing to be ashamed of and that you’re the most adorable person he’s ever met. If you don’t like being touched then that’s not a problem either. He’ll settle for a hand on your shoulder for a few seconds as he tells you about your beauty. There’s no one he’d rather be with than you. Besides, you being chubby just shows that you’re well fed. It shows that he can provide well enough for you to be able to eat well, or whatever you want. He’s just old fashioned like that. Besides, he’s a master chef, his food is literally to die for. So it’s not like you’ll ever be able to go hungry when he’s home either. He’ll make your heart flutter with the most heartfelt compliments out there while he’s feeding you the most delicious food. Will punish you if you keep being mean to yourself, though.

[gracemain919]

The Priest (oc) and “Mother” (oc) really short story:

(The Fungus universe)

Tw: Yandere, Mentions of religion and corruption, slight infantilization like if you squint.

(quick writing there might be many mistakes)

A Beautiful Pendant

In a classy theater, you stood, dim lights hiding away the packed crowd that was very intent on watching the show. You hid behind the curtains only taking small peeks towards the performers that twisted and twirled telling a story you were all too familiar with.

The woman in the act raised her body getting on her tippy toes before circling a man in the middle. The man seemed unbothered by her looks, a mask hiding away any reaction he may be showing. Even with her hands on his shoulders, he didn't flinch.

She appeared graceful; thanks to the white flowy dress of fabric that overlapped with the floor. It made it seem like she was dancing over a quiet river of white by the way it flowed perfectly along with each of her movements.

She tried to move him. She tried to guide his limbs gently. A small tug on the arm, a delicate push on his leg. She was acting like a mentor, but he wouldn’t follow. The man pushed her aside before going to his own part of the show. Raising his hands like a magician, he kneeled on the ground while grabbing an odd pendant.

You could yawn… you have seen the show before. You’ve seen the way people interpret the story and they always get so close to the actual truth, but never quite there. The audience has their theories or are just rich folk who want to see a visually pleasing performance. Either way, neither parties will understand.

Sometimes, you can’t find the fine line between truth and exaggeration either.

Not even when the older man curled the pendant between his fingers manipulating the string tight in his grasp. He raised his fist to his face whispering something to the trinket before placing it on the idle circle that was carved into the floor.

The woman never really stopped moving, but when she saw the object she acted surprised, placing her hands on her chest and walking closer to the circle with curiosity. She acted so interested in this foreign object while the man kept his mask tight and secure.

She didn't kneel unlike the older man, but soon others passed you. Other performers quickly exited the curtain to surround this useless trinket. They all were transfixed by it-

Shit, the lights were turned off… Now it’s your turn.

Swift hands grabbed you in the darkness promptly pulling you on the stage and before you knew it you were laid in the circle. A special spotlight flashed on your face as your particular black clothing made a deep contrast with the other woman. The whiteness in her outfit flowed away as they all focused on you.

You weren't completely engulfed, no, they still had an audience to entertain so there was a direct hole where you could see the crowd act just as shocked or amused as the actors. However, the ones that weren't looking did become nosy when the older man lifted you to your knees. The members broke the circle, leaving you more exposed to the crowd, and you couldn't do anything but stay still.

Still, you couldn't move when his fingers lingered on your form as if you were a delicate object, heck even a being. He treated you with such softness as if you were a god while he raised you to your feet.

Now the humiliating part….

With bated breath you allowed your body to be manipulated as he made you follow each of his movements in a short dance. If he raised his hand then you can bet yours is tied along. If he moved to the side, a firm grip on your torso would soon follow. You were puppeteered just as much as you were watched upon in amazement.

The crowd loved it, some clapping while others gave their silent approval… all for you. Even when the white doe-like woman remained ignored letting your forgettable color shine. She just smiled towards you when she stood with the others as you were forced to dance. You practically stole the spotlight from her, but she was just an ‘actor’. She was acting as if she was such a pure thing when in reality she was darker than the clothes you were wearing.

[inkskinned]

you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.

you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.

he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.

a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.

he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.

you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.

people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.

wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.

also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.

he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."

you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.

"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."

he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.

you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.

is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?

you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.

[strangeasf]

Eddie: You and Tommy have the right idea..

Me: ha?? are you saying what I thi-

Eddie: Stay single. Hang out with the boys.

[22degreehalo]

Okay I finished the movie. (Spoilers follow!)

I liked the parts about Barbie as an actual doll. I liked the ending! It was fun and creative and had some real emotion to it!

I didn't... enjoy the portrayal of gender.

The movie just really does not seem to want to face up to the idea that in the Barbie world, women are the privileged class. They hold all positions of power and property. Barbie doesn't even know where the men live?

Yes, it's all deliberately weird and surreal. But it's all just too weird and surreal to relate much to the real world. The climax relies on assuming that the barbies would essentially relate perfectly to a random real-world woman, which... even if it were true that all women IRL can relate to each other, their life experiences are just way too different.

(Yes, the patriarchy got introduced into Barbie land! But... how??? It's very hand-waved. Why would the privileged class suddenly completely turn the system 180 just because a guy came by with some books? It almost feels like a reverse-racism thing...?!)

And then, in the end, the kens still aren't treated equally. The movie jokes that 'someday' they'll have as much power as women IRL. But... we literally just spent the last hour exploring how shitty women have it. So now the kens have it even worse than that. And that's okay?

Again: it's meant to be dumb and silly. But we're also supposed to suspend our disbelief and live in this world for two hours. And the world just doesn't really jive with the tone. The more you think about it, the more you treat it as a real place, the less sense it makes. It only works if you laugh off the kens as just privileged white guys just because they resemble them.

Which, also! The movie in the end tries to be comforting to men and say that they don't need to be defined by their girlfriends or whatever! Which is actually a good message IRL: for too many men, being able to Date A Woman really is treated as the ultimate arbiter of human worth! (It... makes little sense in the world, where it seems like the kens really do need to rely on the barbies? But. see above.)

Except the entire way through, the idea of men having feelings is mocked and laughed off. Like I said, they imply that a gender non-conforming man would have absolutely 0 reason to fear violence at the hands of other men, which is... completely detached from reality?! Everything a stereotypical 'man' might care about is treated as being not really all that good, men's fears of abandonment or failure are eye-rollingly chalked up to 'egotism' (again, despite the status of the kens in this world), and when Ken cries at the end, it's presented as humiliating, as opposed to the dignified crying Barbie does on multiple occasions.

To be clear: I am not accusing the movie of misandry. I'm accusing the movie of being excessively cruel towards men who do not fit the stereotypical image of 'masculine', and then also being kind of pointlessly mean at those who do, as well.

Like, in the climax, one of the ultimate scenes of 'female empowerment' has the barbies pretend to listen while the kens play the guitar at them ('Push' by Matchbox 20, which is a good song IMO??? But it's treated as like. Objectively bad.), only to deliberately check their phone to show they don't care, then get up and talk to another man instead. And all of this is framed as, like 'playing on their petty egos and jealousies.' And not as like... them opening up? To someone they like? And trying to do something nice? And then being hurt when they don't feel the connection they wanted?

(Also men getting angry at other men, or staging a 'war', is treated as entirely petty and silly and kinda funny. Just an 'own goal', so to speak. Which, again, feels very insensitive when men... do in fact violently attack other men over reasons like jealousy.)

(Also also it's treated as super arrogant when a man tries to help out a woman who is literally saying aloud that she doesn't understand and wants help??? Because it's soooo offensive to think a woman can't do something she says she can't do??? even though the end of the movie is all about how women shouldn't have to be perfect and should be allowed to be just normal and not really good at anything???? I'm so confused.)

It's just... such a weird mix of a genuinely fun and creative campy setting, which then mixes in the most weirdly tone-deaf and old-fashioned gender essentialism possible. It tries to be progressive at the end, but the setting is already so stuck in those ideas (that inverting gender power dynamics would be really good actually since women are better in power, that men don't have any real legitimate reason to have emotions so it's weird and dumb if they do) that it doesn't track. It doesn't match the actual events of the movie.

It's not just an empty popcorn movie. Frankly, it'd be a lot better if it was!!!!!!! (At least for me, hahah.) It's best appreciated, honestly, if you do turn your brain off and just enjoy the pretty visuals and the nice moments at the end. Which is sad. Because it clearly does try to do so much more than that! But all those attempts just... make the movie more confused and weird and kind of mean?

Basically, the movie tries to do a whole 'haha what if we switched the power of the genders' but then still wants to treat all of the men like they're privileged white guys, even though there's 0 worldbuilding reason for that to be justified. (Plus also it has the typical 'wacky misandry' problems of being incredibly shitty to GNC and disabled men. but like I just expected that literally always nowadays.)

So yeah uhhh. unfortunately I gotta say that I don't really agree with those 'lollllll men hate this movie even though it literally just says that they're okay by themselves and don't need to base their worth on women!!!!!' like YEAH but it also implies some pretty. questionable stuff about oppression and mental health and how much we should respect men who have ~delicate fragile emotions~ too.

[trans-xianxian]

I think we gotta start recognizing that "things accepted online/in leftist spaces" and "things accepted by the general public in the real world" are two very different things. like no actually gnc men are Not suddenly seen as okay because there are drag queens on tiktok. men are still beaten and harassed and ostracized and Killed for being feminine. in the us. in my very liberal city full of ppl with blue hair and pronouns I am made to feel uncomfortable and unwelcome for being a gnc guy. the tiktok comments on videos of men wearing make up are not indicative of the beliefs of most people

[bluebeetle]

revealing that the nashville shooter is supposedly transgender, without revealing what gender they id as or any other information other than that, being a former student, and a name... absolutely evil, because it allows people to construct their own narratives and this is going to mean so many awful people blaming the entire trans community (and assuming the shooter is a trans woman bc transmisogyny)

(edit: i wrote this rly early in the morning when reading the news, see tags and notes for more thoughts ig cuz im making this unrebloggable bc transphobes r annoying)

[moongothic]

oh my ... what you said about Oda using the "I want to be a man bc women are weak" trope made me think about Kuina.

I am bit upset we didnt encountered a strong swordwoman yet. I hope we will soon. Some people think Tashigi could be Kuina but that would really hurt me. She isnt near Zoro level at all. I dont want Kuina to be right.

This would be stupid.

But.

I think the best case scenario we could have, is if Zoro somehow encountered Ivankov before Mihawk, he could ask for HRT so that he could then go fight and defeat Mihawk "as a woman" and fulfill Kuina's dream for her and prove that a woman could be the strongest (and maybe get turned back into a man afterwards)

That's not how gender works of course, but Oda doesn't get it either, and I'm trying to picture the best case scenario Oda could actually give us

Because the only way Kuina's fears could be proven wrong is if both Mihawk and Zoro lost to a swordswoman at the end, and I do not think that is ever going to happen. Because the clash between Mihawk and Zoro has been like The Ultimate Goal of Zoro's whole story, so him losing to someone else would just feel bad

Like it'd be a lil dumb (from a queer POV (unless Zoro turned out to be a butch trans woman, which to be fair, valid, and I would enjoy the dudebros getting Fucking Angry About It lmao)), but like. Oda does have his issues with the gender essentialism and misogyny, and the way the chesspieces are arranged on the table right now, it's either that or Kuina's fears end up correct. And it definitely sucks