#sex game

[mandokero-eboy]

Welcome people who started following me and reblogging me today, and also those who have been here for a while. If you're the former you might be a bit surprised given that i've been mostly posting about politics a couple of days but as a matter of fact this is usually a horny blog and the following is a horny post.

If you're the latter group, you may remember this post (https://www.tumblr.com/mandokero-eboy/752670916093362176/bad-sex-games?source=share) from a while ago where I talked about that terrible horny version of monopoly. Been a while but I wanted to fix it since I saw it and it is finally time.

[Tumblr was a shit about a few of the pics here so I am going to just put descriptions. The top of the article had a picture of monopoly man in bed with TF2 Medic]

HOW TO FIX SEX MONOPOLY

My first fix for sex Monopoly would obviously be to replace this "sex acts instead of money" mechanic. There's two options here: The money is used to buy the sex acts, or the sex acts do replace the money but we make them scarce so it's not insanely unbalanced. I ended up siding with the latter because the former allows for less variety of kinky fun.

So here's how we set it up:

The game provides a number of "Sex Cards" featuring sex acts of different intensities, the players can add to the default selection at any point during the game and at the start a number of cards are distributed to them. This is our initial "money" supply. Your goal is to accumulate sex acts to potentially use on the other players. Because the players largely get to define the content of the cards and what they're willing to accept for trades, they also get to moderate the intensity of the game to a large degree. We're trying to make it so consent is always at the forefront of the individual sexy interactions here. If you run out of cards, or the cards you have are not something you're willing to perform for any other players, or it becomes clear the other players don't want what you're selling, you are considered bankrupt. You're also considered bankrupt if you have an orgasm barring certain conditions.

What you need to play:

Regular Monopoly board

A collar for each player (optional)

an assortment of sex toys (optional)

A few extra tokens (optional but useful)

First the basic economy: It's not currency based but barter based. If you want to get rid of a card, you have to spend it or be told to get rid of it without spending it. "Spending" means you have to do what's written on the card to the player receiving it or to someone that player designates as the recipient of the act (more on this later). The player receiving the card gets to keep the card to use on someone else later. You can also trade these cards between players without acts being performed but at least one card must change hands for each. You are not allowed to offer a sex act in a trade that is not featured in one of your cards. The only way to expand your options if your current cards appear ineffective is to introduce new cards into play by passing "GO!" or with chance cards.

[There was a picture of Nagatoro getting boned because the monopoly cards said so]

You go through a usual monopoly board with usual rules for movement. When you do a full loop and pass go you get to draw some new amount of Sex Cards. Players can write new Sex Cards at any stage and you get to pick which ones you'd like to grab. Knowing what the other players are into is largely rewarded because of this. You don't know exactly what might be most valuable to them.

The usual monopoly board has only 28 properties with 22 streets, 4 railroads and 2 utilities. (The specifics on how the streets are divided between players can be thought about later). What do the Title Deeds give you ownership of? Well, the other players of course! With sex monopoly you can replicate the excitement of buying a sub

You land on a free property and it's put to auction, the one who landed on it gets to bid first. Everyone bids a sex card that they want to the player in the Title Deed, the player accepts anything they want in exchange and that card from the winner is spent. The Title Deed might want to avoid cumming early and being elimintated if possible so it might be beneficial to strike a balance between not too intense and still appealing. On the other hand they might want to be a free use slut for the rest of the game and only accept what they enjoy most without regard for winning, all playstyles are valid in Sex Monopoly! If you get a full set of properties corresponding to a player you get exclusive ownership of them and get to build houses.

[There was a short furry comic about people turning a game of monopoly into a "oh i don't have money to pay my rent can I do anything else?" deal]

If you land on a property that's already owned, you have to pay rent. You must Spend one of your Sex Cards to the player who owns that property and perform the corresponding act on them or they can designate the person corresponding with that property to receive it for you. If you don't have anything they want you give up the requisite plus an additional card and perform a forfeit of their choice on yourself. At least one of them has to masturbate while you do it. (We managed to bring forfeits back!). Regardless of who the recipient of the act is, the cards are claimed by whoever owns the property.

Buying and Rent for the utilities and railroads works slightly different as they're not associated with ownership of specific players. The recipient of the acts associated with buying one is the player nearest to the property other than the buyer (If there's more than one, you get to choose). For a railroad, rent is between 1 and 4 cards depending on how many other railroads you own and the recipient is the last person to have paid rent on a railroad (including the owner). If the same person lands in a railroad owned by someone else twice in a row (and are therefore the designated giver and recipient of the act), they do a forfeit and still give the owner the corresponding number of cards. For utilities it is based on the dice roll with which you landed (dice roll divided by 4 rounded up) and the recipient is the nearest person on the board including the owner.

Taxes: This is one of those ways you give up cards without spending them. They work very similar. Either it makes you give up 3 cards (luxury tax) or 5 cards (income tax estimate) a variable amount of income tax (Cards + Number of properties Divided by three rounded down). These cards go on the bank and the players can claim them when they pass Go! or from chance cards.

Jail: Usual rules for going to Jail apply. You get out by rolling doubles; paying a sex card and having a player of your choice perform it on you if they're willing; performing a forfeit on yourself and giving up a card; with the get out of jail card. When you're in jail you don't get to move, if you're paying attention to the kind of game this is you'll introduce bondage on this element. When you're in jail you still collect rents but can't offload being on the receiving end to someone else, even your subs (if you have any, see Bankruptcy below). Any tasks you must perform as part of any other transactions must be done while in bondage and may not proceed if you're unable.

Free Parking: Literally the same thing but optionally you get to sit on someone's lap of your choice.

Chance and community chest work pretty much the same. The effects are "go to jail", "go to this place", "be given a sex card", "give someone else a sex card", "Give yourself a new sex card of your own design", "get out of jail free", "give up or receive some number of sex cards depending on houses / hotels", "give a card to every player", "get one card from every player" and such. Each effect that leads to sex cards changing hands between players hands has variations where the task in the card is performed or not.

Houses: You can spend Sex Cards on a property group you own to buy houses such that when someone lands on the group they have to perform more than one act (up to 3, one per house) which you can split between yourself and the person, you also get some extra boons from the player in the title deed determined at the start. To build a house the recipient is the person in the title deed. Hotels are different and we'll get to that later. (I think it might be fun to represent ownership of a number of properties representing a player with some level of clothing loss but that's kinda flimsy).

[There was a short wholesome comic about consent coupons here]

If someone cums, the player who made them cum gets a Hotel. If there is no such third party they Hotel is put to auction. A Hotel is basically an orgasm token and in this version it is fungible and defensive, as it allows you to orgasm yourself without becoming bankrupt and because it is not tied to specific properties it can be traded out. They are consumed on use.

Mortgages: You can mortgage properties like in regular monopoly. This gives you one extra card from the bank or from the player corresponding to the property, but while they're mortgaged they get to use you instead of one of their properties and you don't get to collect rent on them. To unmortgage them you must perform two cards of their choice on the mortgaged player. If you buy a mortgaged property you have to add an additional card to the agreed on price and the player who owns it has to receive all the acts directly. In essence what happens when you mortgage is the following

Bankruptcy: If you cum without a token on hand or otherwise become bankrupt by running out of cards, you go bankrupt and become a sub. You can also go bankrupt if you commit to 3 payments in a row (by way of rent, a property purchase or some other action that forces you to perform an act on another player from your cards) where all your cards are rejected and you end up doing forfeits. If you're bankrupt, put on your collar and your maid dress and your leash or just write "hoe" on your body honestly do what you like with this. All your properties go to whoever made you bankrupt as well as all your cards. You are put to auction if there's no clear person who made you bankrupt. Other players can still own the properties associated with you and can order you around but as a sub whoever made you bankrupt (or whoever they trade you out to) gets to veto them. They can also order you to perform acts on others on their behalf and receive any acts on their behalf. This is the only way to get someone other than yourself or the person designated by a title deed to receive an act on your behalf, so accumulating subs is very advantageous. Making someone else's sub cum doesn't transfer ownership of them but does still give you a Hotel. This also provides a way for eliminated players to still join in on the fun!

[There was a picture of a doggirl on a leash here]

Ending the game: Like regular monopoly this is last player standing. We can shorten the game if a simple majority of the remaining players wish to enter a final phase. This can only happen after the first bankruptcy.

End Phase: First, the players perform a series of auctions for any property groups that aren't owned by a single player (excluding properties and the 4 railroads). Every player who owns one of the properties in the group can bid one card for every property in the group they don't own. The title deed player gets to choose the winner. The tasks are done simultaneously by as many of the players involved in the auction as needed (we are trying to save time here).

Second, Once all property groups are fully owned, we tally them together. Each one is worth one point for every house on it. Your unused Hotels are worth 3 points. Utilities are 2 points each. Railroads are worth an additional point for every person that landed on them divided by 4 and multiplied by the amount of railroads you own (yes this makes railroads extremely powerful to own at the endgame). A bankrupt sub is worth 3 points as well. Finally take each of your unused cards, read them to the eliminated players, you get one point for each player that wants to experience that card.

If you've done everything correctly, the last 10 or so minutes of gameplay will look like this

[There was supposed to be a picture of Rouge the bat doing math about people's butts here]

Once the remaining players do all this math and compare scores whoever has the highest number wins. Congrats on your win. You may repurpose all your earnings from the game for more sexy times afterward. Or you could just have normal sex I guess but if you've read this far that's definitely not what you're looking for.

PROBLEMS

I know, incredible, but there's actually a few issues with how we've laid out the game.

We've destroyed the balance of the monopoly board, since under these rules the board does not have a consistent layout from most to least expensive.

Also players can have different number of properties representing them depending on how many players are (this might be a good thing, more players represented by less properties each might make eliminations faster). A possible solution to this is making some spaces represent things other than players.

The way the ownership mechanic works it might require a few overhauls to play with two people.

Extremely convoluted rules about the economy whenever specific exchange numbers for certain things are introduced. Definitely need balancing.

Probably can simplify the endgame phase.

These are off the top of my head. There's probably more. Obviously this needs a lot of fleshing out on the specifics and could probably be simplified somewhat, but I think it's a far more solid foundation for a kinky game based on the trading mechanics of monopoly than what I originally reviewed in that old post.

Join me next time I want to make extremely convoluted rules to avoid having regular sex. Maybe I'll pick a simpler game than Monopoly, like Settlers of Catan.

though probably what i'll do next is make optional hypnokink rules

UPDATE: (Adding more stuff in the notes check reblogs and such for that)

[wouldgaysexfixthem]

would gay sex fix them?

[astralcities]

astarion's tomb scene? the one where he talks about wanting to have sex again? where he propositions you on his grave? the scene where he fucks you on his grave. the scene where he literally shoves you to the ground and fucks you on his grave. that scene? that scene

[moonlightflower-queen]

The rulers of the underworld have an important message about mental health

[taktitty]

Staring problem

[zarnzarn]

Athena shoots upright as soon as her eyes fly open, gasping. She calls on her spear and slashes in a brutal curve, provoking shouts from the enemies who'd been holding her down as they back off. Bares her teeth in a snarl as she grabs the sheets off the bed to whip at the eyes of the assailants and-

Light floods into her eyes as they step away from her attack and she freezes as she remembers a flash of brightness too fast to escape, heat and burning like never before, electricity that seeped into her very bones, thunder that deafened, lightning that hurt-

"Get back!" She hears and turns unsteadily back to- back to where Apollo is pulling Ares back by the cape against the far wall. Apollo. Ares. Aphrodite, Aephestus, Artemis.

"Wh-" She manages, before she's bowled over, coughing. She has never done it before, and she can't stop it from happening- chest rattling as her knees give out, barely holding herself up with her spear in time to reach the bed. It doesn't stop, doesn't stop, plumes of smoke escaping her mouth as she can't stop, can't breathe-

"Athena," Hera whispers, and a rough hand gently touches her on the shoulder, handing her a glass of nectar. She accepts it gratefully, tilting her head back to down it. It's soothing like it's never been before, stoping the coughing at last and it clears her headache long enough to realize that she isn't in her armour- she's in a chiton.

"Where is my armour?" She rasps as soon as she can, wiping her mouth. Looks around- Apollo's chambers.

She'd always known being the favourite wouldn't protect her forever. But repeating the words didn't seem to reduce the hurt.

Nor the shaking fear.

"-not!" Apollo is saying, indignantly setting his hands on his hips. "Do you have any idea how hard you got hit? You're lucky I could even stabilize your aspect enough to reduce some of the damage, otherwise you'd still be having a seizure back at Mount Olympus!"

"Mount Olympus," Athena mutters oddly, without much intent to it. She tries to stand again and her vision suddenly cuts out, provoking a round of screams as she loses her balance.

When the world blurrily comes back into focus- and she doesn't like this, hates this sudden weakness; she's always been able to get back up from any blow, has never visited a medical chamber in her existence, even when they had to fight the Titans- she's in Ares' arms, oddly horizontal.

"Cease this stupidity, sister," Artemis hisses at her as she grabs onto Athena's arms to bring her back to the bed. "Calm yourself. You are alive. You are safe."

"My armour," Athena says, voice cracking, head rolling oddly on her neck, unable to look upright. She catches a glimpse of Aephastus holding onto a sobbing Aphrodite, staring at her with a strange sort of sorrow.

Something twinges in Athena's chest in reply, but she stumbles before she can address it, feeling a fission of panic at the instability before Ares' grip on her tightens enough to keep her upright. They're all staring at her like that, she realizes, with that same horrified heartbreak.

"Didn't Artemis just tell you to cease stupidity?" Ares barks, though it's rather quietly said, for him. He adjusts her on the bed until she can lean back against the pillows. His hands are shaking, and Athena stares at them with curiosity. "Weren't you the one to lecture me half to death about when to remove the armour?"

"What," She says weakly, then moans as an aftershock trembles through her, residual sparks humming maliciously as they exit her skin, leaving her trembling. "I- hmmm, what? What were- what were-"

"Athena, calm down, please, you're scaring us," Hera says, bangles jangling as she sits down next to her, taking one of Athena's hands with desperation. Athena tilts her head to squint, noticing the tears for the first time, before she shudders as her skin registers the heat, the unbearable heat.

"Scaring?" She murmurs when it stops, voice coming out smaller than she intended it to.

"Her fever keeps rising and falling," Apollo reenters the room before anyone can answer, carrying a large tub of some odd liquid. "Here, help me rub this on her skin, it should extract any remaining- any remaining lightning."

They all move towards the tub at the same time, dipping the cloths provided and then taking positions in a circle surrounding her. Athena stiffens, fingers twitching for a weapon, but the first touch of Hera's drenched cloth on her forehead makes her moan in relief, the blessed coolness of it making her melt back into the sheets. She has no strength to complain or protest when her fellow gods each take a limb to rub at, a sensation both horrifically terrible and unbearably good. She has never taken her armour off in her life.

"Easy, that's it," Apollo says coaxingly, lips downturned like he's trying not to cry. She whimpers as the cloth on her left leg suddenly burns as a spark escapes, instinctively pulling it away, but Aphrodite grabs it before she can and resumes rubbing, whispering apologies. She turns her head and weakly opens her mouth for the herb Apollo lifts to her lips, desperate for relief from the splitting headache.

She can't think. She can't think.

Athena has no idea how long it goes on, how long the other gods ignore their realms to tend to her. Slowly, they strike up a conversation, something light-hearted that she can't follow- different from their never-ending arguments and insults, as they talk about the past year and humourous stories and varied anecdotes.

Athena can't help but relax into it, the soft bed at her back and gentle hands massaging her sore muscles and warmth all around her. Feels something trembling within her since she first became aware of herself settling down with a sigh.

Until she suddenly smells ozone.

Hera and Apollo both notice her tensing up immediately, and look to where she can hear slow footsteps approaching. Apollo growls and shoots out a hand, bringing up the shields of his realm.

The conversation dies down as they all look to the side, at the distinct shadow at the other side of the curtain.

Rage, Athena realises, thoughts slow and muddied. They're angry with him.

"I will handle this," Hera says coldly, with the steel undertone that Athena strives for. She moves her cloth aside and leans down to kiss Athena on the forehead, like a mother would. "You rest, my daughter."

Athena's breath hitches, eyes burning. Nobody has ever cared for her, apart from Zeu-

Nobody has ever cared for her.

... Nobody has-

Hera turns sharply at the noise that suddenly escapes Athena, half hysterical laugh and half distraught wail.

"Did I win?" Athena asks desperately, pushing herself upright, ignoring the protests of the others as she pulls her limbs from their grasp. Hera stares at her and Athena grabs the side of the bed as she tries to lever herself up like a wild animal, demanding in a broken voice, "Did I win?"

A silence that stretches for a painful moment before- "Yes," Aephastus says, putting his hand on her shoulder to guide her back from the edge. "Yes, Athena, you won."

A strangled gasp of relief leaves her, making her light-headed as she leans back against the pillows. She shivers, then sobs- humiliation running through her before she hears an answering noise of sorrow from Aphrodite next to her, pressure all around as her five younger siblings embrace her carefully, gently, like she would break at any moment.

She's not the one who's been raped by a Titan's daughter for seven years.

The thought has her breath hitching, wiping her tears away with a hand that refuses to co-operate the first few tries. "I need to-"

"No," Artemis snaps, glaring at her. "I know you think of nothing but your work, but Athena, you cannot do it this time." Outside, Hera's and Zeus' voices rise as they begin to shout and scream. "You must rest."

"N-no, that's not- aah," She groans as another aftershock rips through her, leaving her panting and soaked in sweat when it's done. "I need to- I need-"

"Hermes has gone to his grandson," Aephastus says soothingly. "Peace, Athena. Your hero is free."

For a moment, it doesn't comprehend and she stares at him blankly. "Free," She repeats, words still infuriatingly faint and lilting. "He's free? I- I need my helmet, where is-"

"No, Athena!"

"Sister, please, you cannot resume your duties, you are in no state!"

"I need my helmet, please, please- just give me my helmet!"

Her cry echoes off the walls and she hears herself when it bounces back to her, broken and pleading and so unlike her she feels nauseous. Her siblings have gone silent and still at her begging, staring at her with shock and horror and fear and sorrow alike. Even Zeus and Hera have stopped talking.

Athena shakes, wishing she could rip this awful vulnerability out of her veins, wishes she could find a stone footing to stand on once more, wishes she wasn't in this horrible chiton.

"Please," She whispers.

Quietly, Aephastus gets to his feet and walks in the direction of the nearby drawers, where she can now see her belongings stacked up haphazardly, blood-stained.

"Sister, you must calm down," Aphrodite pleads. She takes her hands and Athena dazedly looks down at her, with her wide, scared eyes. Seizure, her mind registers finally from Apollo's earlier talk. Ah. She seems to have frightened them all. "You cannot afford a relapse."

Athena squeezes her fingers in acknowledgement, but reaches for the helmet when it's held out, dented and worn.

She touches the metal and feels the full force of seven years of silenced prayers hit her at once.

She's crying before she knows she's doing it, clutching the helmet to her chest as the warmth of the worship wraps around her like a shawl, and holds it tight against her as Ares tries to pry it away.

"No, no!" Apollo intervenes, shifting forward. He touches a hand to the helmet and suddenly the hymn bursts forth around them, loud even though the prayer itself is quiet and broken. Athena inhales at the feeling of it, soothing over the cracks in her own mind with their never-ending continuity, desolate, unbroken faith even when she never came to help-

He's still singing.

She shifts her hands on the helmet to make sure but- yes. Odysseus is calling her, still, at this very moment.

Her head snaps up, but even the dizziness the motion causes doesn't take away from how much clearer the room looks. "Where is he?"

"Sister-"

"If you do not answer me, I will take to the skies myself," She says firmly. "Where is he?"

Her siblings exchange looks.

"Three days out from Ithaka," Artemis replies with a sigh. "On a raft. But listen, wait but an hour, at least absorb these prayers-"

Athena stumbles off the bed and pulls on the helmet, closing her eyes.

"Wait, the bandages-!"

"Athena, you'll hurt yourself, please!"

"Daughter, be careful!"

Athena opens her eyes and looks out at the waves, rough and choppy, but not enough to sink the raft. She looks down and looks at the way the faded clothes don't fit him, the way he has no water left to drink but he still continues to sing.

"Odysseus," She says, and he freezes.

A wave rises and falls. They stay silent, unmoving.

"Won't you look?" The words break out of her, cracked and desperate.

He inhales and exhales, tears in the sound of it. "I don't want to look if you're... if you're not really here."

She swallows against the lump in her throat, takes a step forward. "Well, I-" Her voice cracks, but the fragile grin on her face is real as it spreads, the frailest thread of laughter entering her voice. "I would hope. That if you were hallucinating of me, that the spectre would at least have wisdom enough to tell you that you were."

Odysseus sobs and her heart cracks, feels his heart cracking in turn; yet it is akin to a misaligned bone that never healed right and has to be reset- she can hear the laughter before it comes, with relief coming from the brink of madness, with joy they'd both forgotten and missed. "It is you."

"I could not reach you on Ogygia," She blurts out, desperate to make him understand. "Could not hear your call. I would have come the second time you prayed, if I had."

"It is you," He whispers, swaying. A wave rises suddenly and they both burst into movement, grabbing ropes and pulling the mast, balancing together to keep it steady.

The wave passes. They are almost touching now.

"Won't you look?" Athena asks again, raw and grieving. "Odysseus. My companion, my friend. Please."

He turns at that, a stunned expression on his face- before it turns into wide-eyed horror as he looks at her. She laughs breathlessly, slightly dizzy, but- her friend. How lovely it is to see him again.

"Athena!" He rushes forward with unexpected vitality, the parts of him that she knew suddenly rising to light in his eyes, in his movements, becoming unhidden from the defeated, beaten figure he'd been moments before. "What in Gaia's name-"

"I'm sorry," She interrupts as she slumps forward into the hands on her arms, off-balance. "I should have tried better to understand, all those years ago. I understand now and I- Odysseus, I am-"

"Athena, shut up," Odysseus snaps, clearly panicking. She laughs again, because isn't it such a novelty, to have a person who will have the audacity to tell her to? "Of course it's forgiven, I'm sorry too, I should have fucking listened back then- but listen, what in Hades happened to you? Why do you look like this- why do you have bandages- Hermes wouldn't answer when I asked if something happened to you, fuck-"

"Peace," Athena rasps, even as her vision blinks in and out, forcing her to kneel. They both grimace as another wave crashes into the raft, but they don't upturn. Odysseus kneels down with her, staring at her with such worry and concern she can feel nothing but fondness. "The disagreements of gods are often violent."

"Gods-" His eyes flicker to the side of her face, and he frowns, reaching out to push back the helmet. She bends her face down to let him, feeling an odd burning on the left side that she has a vague bad feeling about- proved right when Odysseus' expression falls into blank horror. "You got into a fight with-"

"Yes."

"But he's your-"

"I know. He did not take kindly to my petition to release you," She smiles dryly, without mirth.

"To release me?" Odysseus wheezes, face cracking into anguish and disbelief alike. "Athena, what- I- I'm not worth-"

"It was worth it," She snaps. "Consider it my penance for abandoning my own. I certainly don't regret it."

"I never felt abandoned," Odysseus whispers, taking her hands as she shifts, supporting her body with his own as they lean against the mast. She looks at him, and remembers why Penelope is still weaving, why he's still out on the waters, why Ithaka is waiting out the suitors till Telemachus takes the throne. "I always knew you would come back. I just figured it would take ten years more, perhaps."

Athena is silent for a bit, absorbing that. And then, because she can't hold it back any longer- "I am sorry about your men." His breath hitches under her and she turns to take him in her arms, knowing what's coming. "I am sorry about your friends."

He sobs, ugly and loud, and she holds him tighter. "I am sorry that Titan's whelp had you for so long, and what she did to you. I am sorry the Fates were so unkind."

"Athena," He keens, finally falling to pieces. The sobs are mere loud gasps for air at first, before it dissolves into wailing, screaming, grieving for all the men they'd kept alive through a war, only to lose them to this cruel tragedy instead. Even she hadn't known- hadn't anticipated how wrong things would go after she left. Hadn't even thought that he hadn't reached home.

"It's all my fucking fault," He shouts, shaking. "If only I had- if only-"

"It is not. No one could have known," She whispers. "The Fates are unknown to us all."

He sobs louder and she closes her eyes.

But finally, their tears dry up. She holds him still, as the night fades and the sun rises again, trying to take his hurt into herself so he can be happy again.

"I am sorry," She whispers, seaspray around them. "That my enemies became your own. That I pushed you so hard. That I chose you, and brought pain to your life so."

"Hey now," Odysseus says, pulling back to look at her, a broken smile on his face. "Hold your blasphemous tongue, before you insult the wisdom of Pallas Athena." She laughs, even as tears spill over. "Even if I had the chance to choose again right at this moment, my goddess, I would still choose you."

"That means more than you know," Athena murmurs, overcome. She gathers all her strength and reaches out to run a hand over his head, soothing his mind and driving away the last tendrils of madness that were still holding onto him. He sighs and relaxes under her, some visible weight lifting from his shoulders. "Still. I will learn from my mistakes. If you would give your old friend a chance-"

"Stop right there. Of course I-" Odysseus scoffs, reaching out to hold her left cheek for emphasis. "Athena, your left eye is half gone."

"Ah. Well, that explains the depth perception," She mutters, then bursts into giggles at the incredulous look on his face.

"Are you drugged?" Odysseus demands, but he's already trying not to laugh himself. They both move on fast. "What am I saying, of course you are- have you been drugged this whole time? Who on Earth drugged you?"

"That would be me," Apollo says, crossing his arms.

Odysseus snarls, grabbing his sword and swinging wildly in an arc, half-animal in his panic, pushing Athena behind him.

"FUCKING- whoa, hey, calm down, it's her brother, it's Apollo!" Apollo half-shrieks inelegantly, jumping back. "Honestly! Athena, call off your hero, please."

"Apollo?" Odysseus tilts his head, lowering his sword and narrowing his eyes.

Apollo stares at him. "Wow, you two- really do act the exact same, huh. Yes, Apollo, god of please let me change your fucking bandages, do you mind?"

Odysseus bows and murmurs apologies, clearly wary of getting into more trouble, but to her mild surprise walks behind Athena instead of to the other side of the raft.

"I don't need assistance," She mutters to him, even as she grimaces at the length of the chiton as she tries to pull herself upright.

"You're still dizzy," Odysseus points out, settling in behind her to hold her steady. He wipes at the tears still on his face and smiles at her. She manages a half-smile back. "Do you need to go back to Olympus?"

"Yes," Artemis crosses her hands and Odysseus' fingers tighten painfully on her shoulders.

"I'm not quite certain there's space for so many on this raft," Athena mutters.

"It's a magical raft, it'll survive- but never mind that, could you not have at least sent a message that you were okay?"

"Well, maybe you should have thought of that before running off without a word!"

"Really, daughter, you should know better!"

Odysseus grip is bruising now, and his sword is in front of Athena protectively; she can already tell what moves he's planning to use if they choose to attack. "Who..?" He asks lowly.

"Pantheon. At ease," She replies back shortly, before looking up at the others. "I thank you, my fellow go- my family, for your worry and concern. But we are only two days out from Ithaka and I would like to see this journey completed."

"You are not going to see yourself completed, if you don't rest," Apollo says, roughly at the exact same time that Athena undermines her own argument by throwing up on the raft.

"Athena, go," Odysseus says urgently when it's over, handing her helmet back to her and adjusting her cape as Hera kneels down beside her to hand her another glass of nectar, looking at him oddly. Odysseus grimaces and changes his tone. "I will be fine, patroness. I'll call for you when I reach the shores."

Movement catches her eye and she sees Ares remove his own helmet, giving her a reproving look. She remembers the speech he was talking about now- the one she'd loudly ranted at him when she was drunk a year ago, thinks about how much more at ease he is now.

"Alright," She acquiesces and everyone breathes a sigh of relief. "Two days."

Mania fills Odysseus' eyes as he smiles back, finally home from a war twenty years ago. "Two days."

Athena grins, even as she feels Hera wrap an arm around her to take her away. "Penelope is waiting."

Odysseus' eyes widen, then fill with tears, like he'd never quite truly let himself believe it; but his smile is wide and true. "Penelope is waiting. Thank you, Pallas Athena."

"You don't thank friends," She murmurs, exhaustion settling in. Odysseus laughs and the last thing she feels is a warm hand on her cheek and their foreheads pressed together, before the world goes black and she knows no more.

[circuscountdowns]

I don’t think the crown works like this. added the full pages

[afklancelot]

myhouse.wad is good because it takes the reversal from the classic meme “Can [X] run Doom” to “Can Doom run [X]”, with X in this case being House of Leaves

and it turns out that yes, Doom CAN run HoL. it can run HoL phenomenally.

[antiqua-lugar]

tav being canonically so attractive that people just throw themselves at them is super funny as a galemancer because like so many people in-game (and the game itself at times) call gale either annoying or pathetic straight up to his face but tav is turning down all of faerun for him. everyone desires them carnally and they are busy getting ready to be introduced to gale's cat over dinner.

[lemonsharkgirlfriend]

everyone's joking about a lesbian love triangle being the focus of rhaenyra/alicent/mysaria's stories in hotd s3 but that will literally be what happens when mysaria acts to uphold and support the image of rhaenyra as queen (or rhaenyra's duty) and alicent is kept prisoner (or a hidden but unavoidable reminder of rhaenyra's love). and so the love triangle will serve to represent rhaenyra's internal conflict between love and duty

[platossoulmates]

one thing i see often about movie cherik specifically is people assuming erik is staunchly anti-telepathy but this is simply not true. there are multiple times when erik tells charles to stay out of his head, yes, but these are all moments when he is exceptionally angry. we know erik likes that charles thinks there’s good in him, and we also know he disagrees. he tells charles to stay out when he believes his anger will make charles see his true nature.

but there are also moments where he welcomes charles inside his mind. when they train in first class, charles asks “may i” and wiggles his fingers, and erik agrees without hesitation despite having no idea what charles plans to do. he trusts him. multiple times throughout the prequel movies, when he is without his helmet, he brings up the fact that charles could make him do whatever he wishes. he is joking, but the fact that he can joke about it at all shows just how deeply he trusts him. he never shows disgust or mistrust towards charles ability- in fact his whole fight is that no one should have to hide their mutation

even when he puts the helmet on the first time, he says “sorry charles, it’s not that i don’t trust you” he simply knows that he is disappointing him- knows that without the helmet, charles would be able to stop him, but also knows he wouldn’t, and is therefore saving them both from the what ifs when he chooses to wear it

tldr; erik never actually had a problem with charles inside his head! and it drives me crazy when that’s the whole basis of fics even though erik trusts charles more than he has ever trusted anyone else from the very moment they meet

[grumpznsuch]

HAPPY FUCKIN PRIDE MONTH TO ARIN HANSON.

[wouldgaysexfixthem]

would gay sex fix them?

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Shout out to all artists who had to work without any strong direction or instruction.

I wish you a merry “the client likes it anyways”

[jasontoddsguns]

I think Batman would be a far more entertaining and nuanced character if he was like a solid 4/10 under the mask.

[natalievoncatte]

Alex worked the skin of her forehead with her fingers, angrily kneading the flesh in a vain attempt to suppress a pounding headache.

“I’m telling you, I’m fine,” Kara insisted.

She was not fine, damn it! Kryptonite exposure was serious, even if it had no apparent, immediate effects. The little chunk of vibrant purple rock was currently in a lead-lined chamber where Brainy was mercilessly prodding at its secrets, trying to figure out exactly what it did other than make Kara sweat profusely when she was within ten feet of it.

“I don’t feel sick. What’s the big deal?”

“Red Kryptonite didn’t make you sick at first, either,” said Alex. “You’re not leaving the Tower until I’m certain you’re not going to track down Cat Grant and fling her off the nearest roof.”

Kara, seated on her hospital bed in the med bay, crossed her arms and pouted theatrically. “That was one time.”

She sounded a little brittle, probably because they didn’t talk about that. Well, they did -Kara cried for hours- but afterwards the whole thing became a sore spot and it was clear they they weren’t going to talk about it again. Alex could hear the little crack in Kara’s voice, the touch of strain that signaled how on edge she was.

“Running off and hiding won’t make it any less real, kiddo,” Alex sighed. “Once we’re sure you can go, but no Supergirl for at least a week. I don’t know if what that stuff did to you, but I don’t want to risk your powers shutting off while you’re thirty thousand feet up, or something.”

Kara huffed. Fine.

It was an abundance of caution, to be sure, but the others could pick up the slack. Kara had taken breaks before, and the world didn’t fall apart. Sometimes Alex wanted to just grab her and shake her for all the good it would do. Kara deserved some time off. She deserved to be a person too.

“What’s going on?”

Alex looked up and tried to conceal her relief as Lena walked into the room. Alex liked this new Lena a lot more, the Lena who ran a charitable foundation and didn’t straighten her hair anymore and wore hoodies most of the time. This Lena was friend-shaped, as it were, and put her at ease.

Almost.

“Kara was exposed to a new form of Kryptonite, and…”

And she was off the bed.

Kara was already on her feet. Her pupils were so dilated that her eyes were almost black, the blue almost absent. She was staring at Lena with such an intensity that Alex was afraid she was about to attack her.

Lena looked panicked, but not by the Kryptonian staring her down. “What? Where is it? I need to see it right now, what if…” Lena trailed off, her face going slack for just a moment.

Alex stared at her. What the fresh hell was this?

“Guys?” said Alex. “What’s wrong with… you…”

Kara stalked forward, walking in a hip-popping sashay that would have made a Victoria’s Secret model blush, surging into Lena’s personal space, and… sniffed.

Then sniffed again.

Kara was smelling her.

“Uh,” said Alex.

Lena looked up at her -in flat shoes she was noticeably shorter- and sniffed back. Alex’s jaw went slack.

“Okay,” said Alex. “I’m going to need one of you to explain why you’re doing… that. Like right now.”

They both ignored her. Lena slipped in close, ducking under Kara’s chin, and sniffed at her again. It looked quite a bit like she was about to press her mouth to Kara’s throat, which was both shocking and… seriously, five fucking years of these idiots shooting and missing was bad enough, but right in front of her?

“Hey,” Alex said, taking a step towards the door. “Uh, we good?”

Kara wrapped Lena up in her powerful arms and nuzzled her nose into Lena’s hair, her chest thrumming with a loud purring sound.

“I’m in the room,” Alex deadpanned.

“Alex,” Brainy called, rushing up the hall.

A powerful… scent, or maybe an odor, washed over Alex and she nearly gagged. Whatever it was, it was making Lena try to climb Kara like a tree. The moment Lena popped one of the snaps on Kara’s cape and it fell halfway off her back, Alex bolted for the door and yanked it shut behind her as she stumbled into the hallway.

Brainy was outside, snd Nia was with him.

“Alex, I have good news. The radiation from the lavender Kryptonite sample appears to be entirely benign, although curiously it seems to have activated some anatomical peculiarities that appear to be, so to speak, left over from the evolutionary ancestors of Kryptonians.”

Alex groaned. “Such as?”

“Scent glands, and a peculiar ability to-“

“Guys,” said Nia. “What is that noise?”

Brainy paused, focusing. “I believe that Lena just addressed Kara as…”

“Did she say ‘daddy’?” said Nia.

“Shut up!” Alex barked, slapping her hands over her ears. “I am not hearing this, tralalalalalalala I’m going to the bar!”

“Yeah, I’m coming too,” said Nia.

Brainy turned, listening.

“Evidently, so is Lena.”

“I hate my life” Alex muttered.