#she accidentally says enough about the future to make her family think she's force-sensitive and?? having VISIONS??

[jessicas-pi]

A time traveler we do not explore enough is Satine Kryze. She's a pacifist brimming with rage. We should toss her back a decade and set her loose on the senate.

[alreadyblondenow]

Whenever the sun is hiding

“And I wish that she’s you. If we have met a little bit sooner I’d marry you. Why can’t it be you?”

Pairing: General!Kun x warrior!female reader, Mulan AU, enemies to lovers Genre: SMUT, FLUFF, angst? WC: 3,750k Warnings: this story is so asian because it is a Mulan AU, this is a time where women are allowed to be warriors, mentions of heavy training bc they’re warriors, cheating but... youll get it once you read it, unprotected sex, mentions of fingering, mentions of Kun fantasizing about the reader fucking him, fingering, a lot of kisses, slight exhibitionism, mentions of other idols A/N: NOT PROOFREAD. I’ll fix it once I have time. I just watched the new Mulan movie, (yes the one that was boycotted) and it was amazing. To the one who requested this... I’m sorry if you’re not asian, :( but I hope you still read and love this.

Under the scorching sun in the middle of summer, warriors are trained to be prepared of what lies ahead. The power of the enemy is quickly growing by every second and the young warriors of China, and it’s very young, new and ambitious general is not going to slack off until his nation is safe.

That is why he is very hard and strict with how he teaches the warriors assigned to him. So strict that every woman in his battalion went home after the first few days of training. Except you.

It is your incredible will and perseverance to bring honor to your family that’s making you stay and helping you go through each hard training everyday. And who would have thought that your perseverance and driven soul will make general Qian Kun hate you to the core.

But that’s not the only reason why he hates you.

One beautiful night after your night duty when you thought everyone was asleep, you took a bath on the river and enjoyed your time alone. Releasing your feminine side by smiling while watching the moon, catching flowers that fell on water and tuck one behind your ears. You were beautiful, the general thought.

So beautiful that he almost did not realized that he was peeking now and accidentally saw your breasts the moment you went out of water. He then quickly hid behind a big rock, careful not to make a sound and careful not to be caught. That night, he touched himself while thinking about you.

And that is why general Qian Kun hated you. Because despite being a successful general in his very young age, he’s still a man who can’t have a decent fuck when he sure knew he needed one. You make him sin even though he’s already engaged and every time he touch himself with you in his mind, he will always feel so guilty afterwards.

Who wouldn’t hate you for that?

“Wake up, wake up my general”

There’s that soft toned wake up call again with a faint image of a woman on top of him, blurry because of the sunlight behind her that hurts Kun’s eyes and made him squint, but he knew he was dreaming.

And then he woke up.

It’s that dream again. The dream of his future wife who had been matched to him a day before he left for his duty as general. What a pity. It doesn’t look that much, but Kun was so excited to meet her in person. But the girl has been visiting her in his dreams, and that’s why he knew that this marriage is a good idea. This marriage will be beautiful, she will be beautiful and he will have a quiet married life after this duty of his.

Kun got up from his comfort and asked his assistant if you had gone home already and coward away. “No general, Y/n was seen during the morning run,” the soldier answered.

“Bring her to me, I want to talk to her,” Kun ordered and then stretched is body before putting on his robe and sit on his chair, waiting for your presence.

“General, L/N Y/N is here,” the soldier announced and Kun commanded you to enter right away.

It was nice on the generals tent, cozy and not hot like the tent you use together with the others. His things were neatly placed, and he is staring right at you now.

“From now on you will go last with everything. Last in line, last to shower, last to rest after training. Except during meals, you’re first during meals but don’t eat with other men. Are we clear?”

“Yes sir!” Of course it was clear to you but you never know why? Did you do something wrong?

But the real reason is, after what happened the other night, the incident in the river, Kun can’t risk the other men to be distracted by you. Some men in the battalion are already matched and ready to marry when they get home, just like him. So he can’t tolerate sin now and raise cheaters during this training .

Or maybe he simply just wanted to protect you.

For you it’s alright if you’re always last, what’s more important is you’re not last when it comes to skills and fighting. You were always doing great in the field, and the general was always impressed by what you’re showing. He just can’t say it out loud because it will hurt his pride. But who cares if he agrees, you’re not giving up and that’s what’s important.

Knowing that you’re last to take a shower and to clean yourself in the river, Kun can’t contain himself even though he has been avoiding you for weeks now. Yes. Weeks. But all his great efforts are coming to waste because at the end of the day, he will end up thinking about you and well, fantasize about you fucking him instead of resting.

“Maybe you like her and deep inside it’s not just weird fantasies after all,” the second general, Lucas, said to Kun while he is busy washing his hair.

“Did you forget that I’m matched already and she’s waiting for me to return home?” Kun frustratingly answered back.

“No, I did not forget that. But you don’t know this fiancé of yours, and you have never seen her or touched her,”

“Sure I did. In my dreams”

“That doesn’t count you moron. Look, if fantasising is not enough for you maybe just ask her-“

“You’re the moron, you know I can’t do that. I can lose my rank as general,”

“Let me finish first” Lucas held up his big hand and waited his friend to shut up, “Ask her truthfully, be clear with your intentions. After all, she’s a girl too and maybe she needs what you have been wanting too,” Lucas explained and left for he is done taking a bath.

Turns out Lucas was right. Whenever you take a bath in the river alone, and made sure that no one is watching, you touch yourself quickly and relieve your stress in a corner. Imagining a man whose fingers are deep inside you and imagining that you two are in a hurry so others won’t catch you.

Then after a good orgasm, you just feel silly and desperate. Why do I do this to myself, you murmured.

“Next time do it behind that rock,”

A familiar voice startled you and instantly made you shy. Did he saw you touch yourself? How much did he saw or hear? Why is he here? Did he do this on purpose? Of all people, why the general?

“I’m sorry general. I should get going...” you said with shy eyes, covering your still wet body with your thin robe and avoiding the general’s gaze that melts you instantly.

“Can you join me?” he stopped you from walking away from him, holding you by the elbow. A gesture that you can read easily. The general is not joking and he meant every word he said.

By the time he left you to go in the middle of the river, you haven’t made up your mind but you aren’t leaving yet as if you wanted to accept his offer and see what goes after. What are expecting? A kiss? A good talk? A good fuck? Why does he want me to join him?

All these questions ran through your mind as you slowly untie your robe and let it fall on the ground, walking slowly towards to the handsome man waiting for you under the moon and stars in the middle if a cold river.

Whatever happens, happens.

“So this is your decision?” He asked you calmly, with a soft smile that you have never seen him wear. “We will never speak of this whenever the sun is up,”

You nodded slowly and he came close, grabbing you by the waist and lifting you underwater so you could lock your legs around him.

“Tell me, are you matched?” he asked, looking so handsome in his damped hair.

“I am,” you answered weakly but you already got lost in his eyes.

“All the more reason to hide what we have,” he said and started kissing your neck that felt so good. Suddenly the cold water became warm, or that’s just Kun sharing an unfamiliar heat to you.

Slowly, he walked towards the big rock he talked about earlier. Feeling the water gush to your body and his hand soothing your butt underwater while making small talk. Everything feels so wrong but so good at this moment that you can only let out soft moans and listen to his groans as he was busy kissing you and kept on touching your body. Kissing your breast and licking your nipples like you were some kind of cold treat on a summer day, and you did not miss how his tongue felt around your sensitive areas.

“General-“

“Kun. Call me Kun whenever were alone,” he whispers and started nibbling your earlobe. His hands started to roam on your inner thighs, holding you with one hand and readying himself to make his first move. “Don’t make a sound,” he said and kissed you on the lips. Deep and with tongue that you became speechless and all you can do is shut your eyes close and feel this two fingers go inside your cunt. In and out you feel him under water but it sadly it doesn’t do the job.

“I think it’s the water,” he stopped and groaned quietly, his frustration was obvious. Is he really desperate to fuck tonight? “Let’s go to my tent, what do you think?” he asks you.

“N-no. That’s too much. We can get caught, I think I’m fine for tonight-“

He cut you off with a smirk and chuckle, “No were not. Were not going to get caught and were certainly not yet done for the night, unless you really want to. I can’t force you,” and again, he gave you freedom to choose. But whenever he’s like this you can’t help but feel like you’re throwing yourself to him. You just stared at his eyes and traced his soft lips using your thumb.

“Lead the way,” you said. And you witnessed him smile from ear to ear.

Quiet and very careful, you and Kun walked towards his tent and made sure that no one will see you together. Good thing the coast is clear and if anyones is awake, they should be guarding the place like a hawk. The moment you’re both inside his cozy tent, he blew the candle so no one would see your silhouettes, and of course, you did not make any sound.

He walked you towards his bed and slowly undid your robe, swiftly removing it and making you lie comfortably on his bed. He removed his robe and went on top of you immediately, staying in between your legs while he spreads kisses on your body. But you swear, you wanted to see his cock to inspect whether it’s big or can it fit?

“Don’t worry, you will feel it in a moment. And it will answer all your questions,” he smirked in between kissing your left breast while kneading the other. “Do you like kisses?” He asks as he spreads some around your body all the way down to your cunt, teasing it with a few licks.

“Now I do,” you smiled and answered his question. Reaching for his head to rake away his hair and to see how his tongue works.

Incredible. As expected and you wish you could make a sound.

Kun went back up to you, searching for your eyes under the very minimal light, “You should be kissed often, and by someone who knows how” he whispered and placed a soft kiss on your lips.

“Is that an invitation for tomorrow night?” You joked and smiled through the feeling of him finally spreading your legs open and making you feel his cock slide up and down your wet slit, again, teasing you and preparing you for what’s yet to come.

“If you let me kiss you everyday then I’m considered the luckiest man on Earth”

Such sweet words you thought. But such sweet words are not easily said if you don’t like the person you’re with. In other words, you don’t know if he actually mean it or is he just trying to be sweet because he’s about to fuck you senseless now?

“Ugh- it wont go in,” he said frustrated but still quiet. He’s that big and you are that tight.

“Ahh- fuck I wasn’t ready” you almost screamed the moment he put two fingers in your hole to prep you more, making you wetter by every second.

“Fuck its huge,” you informed him when Kun finally manage to put a few inches inside. He just chuckled and lowered himself to kiss your neck, whispering, “its not yet even halfway in,” he said in a very sexy way that just took your breath away.

But before he fucks you properly, he made sure he’s looking directly to you not missing the way you will react when he finally move. And when he finally did you furrowed your brows and parted your lips shamelessly, letting out small sounds that’s for yourselves only. You look and sounded so beautiful and irresistible Kun thought and he knew right then and there that he will be addicted to you. Almost to the point of he can’t let you go.

“Please don’t get me pregnant,” you plead and hold on tightly to his shoulders and kiss him even more deeply.

“I wont” he said and spread your legs even more for a new angle. Finally giving you hard and piercing thrust that you don’t have any choice but to accept them.

The night continued as you two forget the world outside the tent. He did a lot of things to you. Completely maximizing his time before the sun appears. After the first wave of your sexual activity, to your surprise he flipped you on your stomach and made you arched your back beautifully. Spreading kisses on your back while he kneads your breast from behind, pinching your nipples and giving them a great squeeze from time to time... as he fucks you harder from behind that if anyone is listening outside they will already know what you two are doing in the dark.

And just as you thought that he’s done with you, for his final move tonight, his grand finale, he made you cum using his tongue with two fingers inside your cunt and his other hand busy kneading one of your breast.

“Your legs are shaking uncontrollably, are you fine?” He was teasing you. If you have the energy to punch him you would gladly do it but now you really can’t.

While you two were enjoying the quietness of the night, you snuggle beside Kun while he wraps his arms around you. Both staring blankly in the ceiling and both replaying what happened earlier in your minds.

“I don’t feel guilty, I hope you do too” he said out of nowhere.

“Surprisingly I don’t feel guilty either,” you tighten your embrace to him.

“Is that an acceptance for my invitation for tomorrow night?” He smiled. You didn’t answer him for it was far too obvious already.

By the time you and Kun parted ways before the sun comes up, you both instantly felt incomplete. Why? You managed to get back to your tent quietly and went to sleep immediately, Kun did the same thing but right now as you sleep like a baby, Kun was having a nightmare.

Not exactly a nightmare. But it was for Kun. His fiancé visited him again in his dreams, and even though he knew it was just a dream, he still felt ashamed that he cheated.

On the next day, as expected he was back on his usual cold and strict image like he wasn’t inside you last night. But as much as everything was bothering you and your mind was out of focus the whole day, you didn’t let your guard down still did what you had to do during your training.

“A fucking tiring day don’t you think?” Your friend Hendery whined and flopped to his side of the bed. “You were out late last night. Stargazing again?”

“Y-yes, I saw different stars last night,” you said with a smirk, confident that your friend won’t get it.

And as you did stargazed near the river that night and endured the cold, you waited for a pair of arms to finally keep you warm. And his lips, to kiss your tiredness away. But to your disappointment, he never came.

He didn’t came the next night. Or the night after that. And even the following nights. Until you got the news that he left the camp and went back to the city for serious business for a few days.

“You were just a past time Y/n. The general played you and how come you were such a fool believing that he actually like you” you frustratingly murmured to yourself while you thrown rocks at the river angrily.

“Tss. You should be kissed often, and by someone who knows how” you said mimicking his words before throwing another rock, “where’s my fucking kisses now!”

“I can give them to you know if you want it,”

Finally, the person you hated so much showed up. “Well, it’s too late- general, welcome back” you bowed and gave him respect even though you know he don’t deserve it.

“I’m sorry. Please don’t be like that,” he let go of his horse and reached out to you for a hug but you avoided his touch. “Let me explain and let me make it up to you,”

You shook your head ‘no’ without looking at him. And Kun knew that this was his last card, his last chance to make it right. “I like you and that’s the truth. I realized that now during our time away, and I understand why you feel like this. I’m sorry. Will you please forgive me,”

“You’re general Qian Kun, don’t beg for my forgiveness-“

“I’m not a general right now, I’m just a normal man asking for forgive to the girl I like,” he breathed in deeply and let it out heavily, “My guilt got the best in me for the past days but now... it’s clear that I can’t lose you. Not yet and not like this”

After that night, better days came in, forgiveness was given and everything felt a lot lighter. You and Kun stopped fucking just for the sake of feeding each other’s lust and actually taking time building your relationship. Secretly. But you told him that when it’s time to go home, you should part ways and bring honor to your families by marrying the people waiting for the both of you. He did not answer you.

Of course that didn’t stop Kun from falling in love, because even though you two are in the middle of a war zone and a very sticky situation, it was a beautiful time to be in love.

And when the war between the enemies was settled, Kun wasn’t so happy upon hearing the news because this means its time to go home and get married.

After you and Kun made love in his tent for a couple of times tonight, with tired and sweaty bodies you did not care and still cling to each other.

“Tell me about your match, is he handsome like me?” He asked you out of nowhere which is alarming because he never opened this kind of topic before.

“I haven’t seen him. I left before I could meet him. But I heard that he’s brave and he can do a lot of things and that he loves his mother very much.

How about yours?”

“I don’t know anything about her she visits me in my dreams but I never see her face clearly,”

“And?” you asked because it’s obvious that he’s holding something back.

“And I wish that she’s you. If we have met a little bit sooner I’d marry you. Why can’t it be you?”

“Why? because of sex?” You asked slightly offended.

“No, no don’t get me wrong I think about you even when the sun is shining brightly in the sky or whenever you have clothes on or your body is covered in armor and your face is full of dirt. I admire your natural strength and drive.”

“This is wrong. We agreed to go home with honor” you turned your back against him and thought about what he said.

“Tell me why is this wrong? We love each other-“

“Were engaged to different people... Kun, are you hearing yourself”

“You don't marry someone you can live with, you marry the person you cannot live without and Y/n, I can’t live without you” he explained sternly. Already mad but that didn’t stopped him from covering your exposed body with his blanket and leave a soft kiss on your shoulder.

“This right here, what we have now, it’s everything I wanted and more. In fact, I could die right now, Y/n. I'm just... happy. I've never felt this before. I'm just exactly where I want to be” he whispered but he sounded so frustrated still. “In the end I’ll respect your decision. But I’m not marrying someone I don’t know, someone that’s not you, I would rather die in war,”

If Kun was being honest, he thought you would chose him over someone you don’t know. He was beyond heartbroken when you told him you wanted to go home and thanked him for everything that he taught you in the field. Not even one mention of the special things you shared whenever the sun is hiding. And on top of that, you called him general before you say your goodbye.

And on your wedding day. You were wearing a traditional chinese wedding dress and wearing a beautiful smile because finally you will meet what your ancestors have matched you with.

But just like that cold night beside the river, you waited and waited and waited.... for nothing. For your groom did not show up.

For Kun did not attend his own wedding not knowing that you were the bride.

You were both completely clueless that you were meant to be.

[comradekatara]

ik this is an atla blog but... could we hear some of ur izumi headcanons? (perhaps a sprinkle of izumi x kya if ur feelin generous)

been sittin on this ask since april (sorry!!!) bc i wanted to give this question the attention it deserved (and also there are just. a lot of asks in the inbox to get thru. oof). also yess i’m glad someone else is as fascinated by the potential of kya/izumi dyke drama as i am. fwiw, all of this is canon-compliant with what we know (so far) from lok. some of these have already been said, but it never hurts to rehash deep lore...

izumi is found in a dumpster. when it becomes apparent to zuko that whoever left her there isn’t coming back for her, he decides to take her to a local orphanage. he’s halfway there by the time he has already become irrevocably attached to this quiet, curious, perfect baby and is like “okay my baby now” and takes her home.

when katara gets a postscript at the bottom of a letter from zuko that simply says “oh by the way i have a daughter now” katara doesn’t even respond to the pages upon pages he wrote about import taxes and all that boring shit. zuko merely receives one page in response and all it says is “YOU HAD SEX???? WITH A WOMAN????”

zuko refuses to tell katara the truth. her version is better.

izumi is raised by the firelord and a small army of lesbians. zuko has to stop his friends from trying to give her knives all the time. yes, knives used to be a very loving gift during the war, but he’s trying to teach her about nonviolence goddammit!!!

she never has a crisis of sexuality or feels any pressure to like boys. she’s a lesbian and she knows it. everyone but suki is secretly baffled by how well-adjusted this child is. (suki doesn’t get the big deal.)

izumi knows that she is the crown princess, and that this means that she is going to be firelord someday. zuko always told her that being firelord is about being able to use their nation’s resources to help as many people as possible, and since two of izumi’s favorite things are puzzles and helping people, she is really looking forward to being firelord.

her other favorite thing is reading, which zuko obviously encourages but also finds quite strange because he always assumed reading was an activity solely pursued by sadder, lonelier children.

because she often gets so engrossed in her books that she accidentally stays up all night reading in the dark, zuko gets in the habit of placing extra-long candles in her room that will burn all night so she doesn’t have to strain her eyes. as she gets older and starts spending more time in the library, she winds up just carrying a sack full of zuko’s candles around just in case. it quickly becomes a family joke--if you end up in a dark room, better find izumi.

she winds up wearing glasses by the age of six. zuko is very worried about what this means for her future until izumi points out that her favorite people are visually impaired and they’re doing just fine.

she really likes toph, but thinks her kids are super weird. one of them is very regimented and disciplined in a way she cannot vibe with, and the other is very self-absorbed and theatrical. whenever toph brings lin and su around the palace, izumi ends up hanging out with toph instead.

one of izumi’s favorite pastimes is sokkawatching, which is like birdwatching, but instead of birds, she is studying sokka. she shadows him around all day and takes notes on what it is he is doing. she will hide behind curtains during meetings or walk just far enough behind him that he can’t see her. eventually sokka asks izumi if she would just like to, um, hang out?? but she gets so upset that he is now onto her that zuko has to intervene and convince her that sokka has no idea what he’s talking about, and that she is a master of espionage. since her cover has been blown, she needs a new mark, and starts following mai around instead.

when izumi is eight years old, her great-uncle iroh takes her and her aunt azula to ember island to see a show. izumi has quite a mature appreciation for theater for an eight-year-old—she reads plays, as any child of her father surely would, and has been known to enjoy live performances in the capital—but she fucking hates this play. she squirms in her seat until azula would look monstrous if she didn't take her to the restroom, and there the two of them remain until the curtain call. when it's over, iroh is quite convinced that the two of them concocted that little scheme together… and he's exactly right.

izumi starts attending meetings when she is eleven, and she constantly interrupts to ask questions. if anyone is bothered by this they wouldn’t dare let zuko know. all her questions are so smart and incisive anyway that very few people can find it in them to be annoyed when they are far too busy being impressed.

some monarchs might have felt a bit alarmed, and perhaps unnerved by thoughts of their own mortality, if their daughter applied herself to studying the work of running a country at as young of an age and with as much alacrity as izumi does. zuko, on the other hand, has been hating his job and showing it since 101 AG. izumi suspects the duties of the firelord aren't nearly as bad as all that, but her father is sensitive, and was forced into the role at a particularly difficult time. for her, studying how to run the country that her father has so carefully reformed so that she can step into the role as early as possible is a generous gift.

because izumi is the crown princess, there is little chance of her making it to adulthood without navigating a few awkward encounters with boys who hope to woo her. zuko is too saddened by the idea to know how to begin to prepare her for it. but as it turns out, izumi doesn’t need that from him. starting around the age of 12, she observes that many of the staff around the palace tend to read a lot of old-fashioned romance novels. seeking to better understand the entertainment choices of the women with whom she spends most of her time, izumi selects a handful of books from that genre to read for herself. she finds story after story about young, attractive members of the royal court finding love with unlikely suitors and suitresses. though these books aren’t to her taste at all, she understands the appeal and makes the logical connection that this type of story is viewed as a sort of script—the most sensational path a princess could possibly take. she practices saying variations of "no thank you" in her bedroom mirror until she settles on a polite enough tone that even the most earnest suitor couldn't possibly take issue with it, and that's that.

izumi starts demanding more homework. this ultimately means more work for sokka, who has to create an entirely new curriculum designed just for her, and then has to sit there while she does her homework in case she has any questions. and then, once she’s done, they go over it together and even if she gets everything right she forces him to point out areas in which she could have improved. suddenly sokka longs for the days that katara (and later toph) would yell at him that math is stupid and they shouldn’t have to learn it because they can bend. how foolish he had been at the time… he should have savored that…

izumi's first crush is on mai. it's humiliating, since she's well aware that mai has been playing with her since she was in diapers (and even faintly aware that mai and zuko had some sort of ambiguous summer fling as teenagers that they are now too embarrassed to talk about), but for a short stretch of time between the age of twelve and thirteen, suddenly izumi sees her old family friend in a new and magical light. and during that same stretch of time, she faintly hates ty lee. this confusing intrusion of unwanted feelings leads to a humiliating moment that is best described as izumi's first tantrum. when she is invited to join the adults at a casual dinner, izumi dashes for the seat as far from her object of her affections as possible, and when ty lee teases, "what? do we smell?" izumi blushes and buries her face in her water. she doesn't look up from her plate until mai asks her (repeatedly, as it seems izumi didn't hear her) to pass the dumplings. at this point, izumi doesn't know what else to do but to shove the entire remaining portion of dumplings into her mouth all at once and then flee the room. so she does.

in the morning, she is mortified and apologizes to everyone for her poor conduct. mai and ty lee are nothing but understanding, and mai jokes that now she knows where zuko got his table manners. ty lee adds that izumi was going to have to do something immature at some point, or else no one was gonna believe she was human. the two of them leave court a few days later, and by the time they visit again a few months after that, izumi is relieved to find that her crush has faded away.  

the first time izumi meets katara, she feels as if she is meeting a celebrity. since katara never comes to the fire nation if she can help it, their paths have yet to cross, but izumi has heard of her, as if she is this mythic creature, through many, many stories, each more outrageous than the last. izumi does not think that meeting katara will prove a particularly long encounter, since katara couldn’t possibly have the time of day for her. she is quickly proven wrong, since katara cooks her dinner herself and keeps piling more and more food onto her plate. izumi is too well-mannered to inform katara that she is full, and katara keeps insisting that she doesn’t eat enough. izumi has no idea how katara could possibly come to that conclusion, since they have known each other all of one hour, but according to katara, izumi must eat more.

other than trying to feed izumi every three seconds, katara is surprisingly normal. izumi had assumed she was some sort of terrifying goddess by the way people talk about her. she’s very warm and nurturing and personable and has no filter whatsoever. in fire nation meetings, everyone speaks formally as a sign of respect, but in the southern water tribe, apparently it’s considered rude if you’re not completely candid. at first, izumi is horrified by how freely people insult each other, but then she quickly becomes delighted by the fact that bluntness is considered a virtue, and formality, passive-aggression. everyone refers to each other by first name, no title, and they’re all like one big family. people still treat katara with reverence despite this, even though she makes it pretty clear that she’s tired of being hero-worshipped.

one of the most delightful qualities that izumi admires in katara is her ability to memorize, recite, and hunt down gossip. izumi is introverted and polite and would never dream of asking brazen questions like whether haru has finally seen sense and shaved that beast on his lip or whether toph is "still getting her story straight" about where her daughters came from. (as far as izumi knows, toph has only ever told just the one, tongue-in-cheek story: she made the girls herself out of clay and she'll earthbend them back into dust if they don't behave.) but izumi is awed by katara's willingness to just ask these kinds of questions and she decides to take a lesson from this approach. being direct doesn't hurt anyone when katara does it, and it's a skill that will eventually serve izumi very well as firelord.

the south pole is also where izumi first meets kya. to kya, who is being taught two very conflicting ideas of what the fire nation represents, meeting izumi firmly solidifies her in the “the fire nation is nice and progressive” camp. that said, she also knows that her mom would disapprove if she and izumi got involved… which only makes izumi all the more enticing, naturally.  

katara teaches izumi about what she considers to be the core tenets of her culture: “communal living, versatility & resourcefulness, democracy, and looking cute on a budget.”

izumi returns to the fire nation convinced that the southern water tribe is the coolest place in the entire world (and not just literally). sokka is so incredibly proud.

and, by the second time she visits katara, izumi is far more comfortable with going penguin sledding.

izumi attempts to go through a phase of teenage rebellion when she is fifteen, but zuko puts an end to it by encouraging her. he’s like “fuck yeah be gay do crimes.” learning that her dad was once a baleful vigilante/highwayman immediately quells her desire for antics & tomfoolery.

...well. most antics, anyway. a few weeks before izumi's second visit to the south pole, kya sends izumi a letter that includes an illustration of a particular type of plant that grows in the fire nation palace garden and a request that she bring a clipping back with her next time. apart from the produce garden where they grow fresh fruit and vegetables for the palace, the palace garden is considered the domain of suki and her friends, so izumi naively enlists suki to help her to find it. suki smirks to herself as she directs izumi to the right place and helps her cut a generous clipping of it. and that's the story of how, on izumi's second visit to the south pole, kya introduces her to the joys of recreational weed: a secret hobby the two of them will indulge in together all their lives, whenever they happen to see each other.

(though this, too, becomes a little less cool and a little less sexy when, one night back in the fire nation, izumi steps out onto her balcony and sees her father, her aunt, toph, sokka, and suki all smoking weed in the courtyard below.)

by the time kya is seventeen, she has petitioned katara that she ought to go travel the world on her own, since she’s the daughter of a nomad and a swashbuckling heroine, so it’s only right. katara finally relents. kya basically just makes a round tour of all the lesbian hotspots across the globe, from visiting her favorite auntie toph, to living it up on kyoshi island, to the fire palace, with a certain princess in mind.

katara keeps insisting to kya that no, she’s not a homophobe, she just disapproves of monarchs! so as a test kya brings the most heinous girl she knows (who isn’t su, that is) over for dinner, and katara has to be extremely gracious the entire time. after she leaves she says to kya “wow....... I love her :’)”

kya and izumi share an intellectual bent, an appreciation for music, and a desire to see the world. they also share their first kiss. izumi breathlessly expresses her surprise that smart, worldly kya hasn't been there before with one of the boys or girls at the south pole, but kya waves a hand and says that no one there is cool enough for her. when kya asks why izumi hasn't kissed anyone before, izumi just quips that books don't have lips as soft as kya's.

they have a whole "together-when-we're-in-the-same-place; single-when-we're-not" thing going on for a while, but izumi really loves to write love letters, and before they know what's happened, they're monogamous and living on opposite sides of the world. oops!

they are very much in love. they are also fully aware that their relationship has an expiration date, and it is the second izumi becomes firelord. kya may be reluctant to admit it, but her mom was right: being involved with the firelord…. well it’s a bad look. she comes from a long line of anti-imperialist revolutionaries. she can’t exactly settle down with a monarch. izumi, having been raised by zuko, is about as anti-monarchy as a monarch possibly can be, so she understands completely. they both agree that their duties come first, and when they do break up, it will be amicable and mutual. their last days spent together while still technically a couple are bittersweet.

izumi’s coronation mostly involves all of zuko’s old friends taking turns squishing her cheeks (even though she is an adult, and also the firelord now) and tearfully regaling her with anecdotes from her childhood, which she remembers perfectly well because she was there. she very graciously hugs and thanks all of them for forging a path to peace, promising to make them proud. they all assure her they already are.

she and kya break up that night, by the turtleduck pond. it is a quiet, poignant goodbye.

the following week, kya immediately travels to the north pole to rebound with the most repressed lesbian she can find. she thinks it’s only fitting.

izumi has a lot more freedom as firelord than zuko ever did, in large part due to the fact that no one ever thinks to question her legitimacy. she has a very commanding presence, always giving off the vibe that she is the most intelligent person in the room (whereas, of course, zuko gives off the vibe that he is just a little boy who loves arson… well into adulthood).

izumi thinks in lists, much like sokka and her aunt azula; unlike most people she knows, her favorite historical avatar is not kyoshi or even yangchen, but szeto, but it’s for good reason. she groups like things into categories and she groups tasks into mental to-do lists which are of course completely different from the to-do lists she does need to write down. this will serve her well as she will eventually go down in history as one of the firelords with the most documentation on her life and the lives of her allies—which is of course part of the point. so of course, she's also strategic about what she doesn't write down: the sexualities of the family friends one generation above her; the quiet trade agreement between the fire nation and the water tribes that favors the water tribes just enough that it would be a whole thing if certain loud fire nation citizens got word of it; and the story of the one time she kissed lin beifong.

izumi’s personal pet project is the implementation of countless public libraries across the country, which also double as shelters. the same way that zuko had a reputation as being the firelord who really revitalized theatre, izumi has a reputation for being horny4libraries, and she’s proud of that reputation, dammit.

one day, for seemingly no reason, sokka decides that he is simply too old to be micromanaging royalty. it was cool and funny and, well, necessary when he was 16, but now he really does have better things to be doing with his time. this doesn’t stop izumi from wheedling him for diplomatic advice, because she refuses to part with such a valuable asset, so instead sokka agrees to play her in pai sho whenever she “needs it.” she always knows exactly how to solve her problem immediately after a game’s conclusion. zuko doesn’t understand how that works at all, but azula’s like “lol classic sokka.”

toph takes izumi on a life-changing field trip to go look at bugs in the woods, and all the headlines that week read variations on “NOTORIOUS EARTHBENDING ANARCHIST KIDNAPS FIRELORD, HOLDS HER HOSTAGE IN A FOREST.” neither of them are aware of the political scandal they’ve caused because they were too busy studying cool bugs.

as izumi approaches 50, she decides to treat herself to a birthday gift that becomes her pride and joy: a top-of-the-line future industries motorcycle. her father may choose to travel the world in style on druk, but izumi's tastes run more toward ground transportation (which is to say: she gets violently airsick, and seasick, too). of course, she can only really ride it anywhere if she's prepared to either travel with a motorcade or sneak out past her guards and keep her face hidden the whole time she's out. the former cramps her style and limits her speed, so she chooses the latter. she generally takes it short distances, just far to get some air, but on one memorable occasion when lin beifong is visiting ember island, she takes it all the way through the mountains and down to the beach just to see the look on that crabby old cop's face.

izumi names her son after her beloved late grunkle… mostly because it was the only way to satisfy sokka, who insisted that since, decades ago, he won a bet against zuko to someday name his grandchild, it was only fair that he get naming rights. zuko, at the time having assumed that he would never have grandchildren, was like “yeah okay whatever,” but sokka never forgot. as if he would ever pass up the opportunity to publicly embarrass the fire nation royal family! but he had to admit that iroh was a pretty good name. almost as good as Sokkaruleszukodrools, which unfortunately and unjustly got passed over.

izumi always loved aang, and found meditating with him to be really clarifying. it's only natural that his death breaks her heart. but it's in her nature to come up with a productive outlet for any emotion she feels, even grief, and that holds true in this case. she is walking through the library on air temple island when it hits her: there ought to be an "official" biography of avatar aang and his life, dictated by his friends. though her initial idea was to hire one of her many respected writer friends for the job, kya and tenzin insist that it'll only be worth anything if izumi writes it. so she does. a biography of the avatar, written by the firelord. friendships last more than one lifetime after all.

izumi is, of course, aware of the new avatar from the moment she's born. the notes she has on korra fill an entire cabinet of scrolls and notebooks (as any of her advisors knows, her choice of paper just depends on how fancy she's feeling). korra is nearly sixteen by the time she's ready to learn firebending, and izumi personally sends the ship that will pick her up and take her to the fire nation. since she has not met korra before and doesn't know her tastes, izumi makes sure the ship is fully stocked with plenty of soft, comfortable clothing in all colors and sizes, all meant to be reasonably modest while still suitable for the warm weather korra will run into on the journey. so izumi is understandably surprised when she meets the ship at the docks and finds korra in a jaggedly sewn scarlet crop top that she clearly tailored herself. korra blushes and explains that she's never experienced warm weather before and got a bit overzealous. they laugh about it, and izumi orders a whole closetload of more teenage-friendly clothing to be delivered to korra's quarters.

zuko dies peacefully, in his sleep, at an old and happy age, but that doesn’t mean his death doesn’t affect izumi. she immediately takes time off to crash at the south pole with katara and kya, and they spend the next few weeks just sitting by the fire, swapping stories about their respective adventures, and having a lovely (albeit extremely tearful) time. izumi then goes to visit toph and suki in the earth kingdom, who are both apparently chilling in different parts of the same vast swamp. they teach her about how everything in the swamp is connected, that separation and time and death are all illusions. finally, the last leg of her trip is spent on ember island, where she sits by the beach, staring at the moon’s silver reflection on the black sea, and once more feels at peace.

[luverofralts]

Arkhelios University

“Do you really think this will work?”

Melvin sat across from his sister, staring intently on the dark circle she had drawn. The flames of the candles flickered in the breeze, but so far, nothing else had happened.

“Of course it will,” Wanda replied confidently. “Our strong feelings for Zane will draw him towards us. You wanted to see his ghost, and I promised you a ghost.”

“What if we have strong feelings about other family members?” Melvin asked worriedly. “I have some pretty intense feelings about Mom, but she’s the last person I'd ever want to see.”

“Then don’t think about her!” Wanda hissed, checking over her shoulder just in case her mother had been conjured by their words. “If you accidentally bring her back into our lives, I swear I will never help you with anything ever again!”

“So, while we wait for the dead to rise up from the grave, how are things going with you and Hunter?” Melvin asked. “Are you two ever planning to have kids? Melvin and Dorian could really use some cousins to play with.”

Wanda sighed heavily.

“Why is everyone obsessed with whether or not I have kids?” she complained. “I’ve got a very busy life and aspirations of my own to follow. If kids ever happen, then they happen. Otherwise, people can stop offering their opinion on my life.”

“Fair enough,” Melvin said. “If I had a quarter for all the times people ask when I’m going to apply for a promotion, I’d have enough money to retire. I like my job, and the hours are flexible. I’d much rather be at home with Sheldon and the kids then hosting budget meetings and worrying about all that paperwork.”

"Have you given anymore thought to trying to spend more time with the Chun kids?” Wanda asked, trying to be sensitive about a tough topic. “I know Abe would probably talk to you. Lucy too, if you flattered her ego first. Do you want to tell them that you’re their uncle?”

“I haven’t really thought about it much,” Melvin admitted. “I was hoping that Ian would be in better shape than he is, and we could talk about the future. He’s pretty far gone though. It’s just sad. Ian��s kids seem to have their lives all sorted out without their dad, so I can’t see the point to rushing into their lives to remind them about their dad’s family. It would cause too much pain. Besides, I had Lucy cut me, a police detective, off in the mall parking lot last week, and spent the next few minutes being screamed at for being in the way. She can be...intense.”

A small chuckle escaped Wanda as she pictured her brother having to deal with Lucy’s road rage.

“That sounds like her,” she laughed. “I wouldn’t recommend talking to Abe unannounced either, not without preparing for some theatrics with Roman. Every time I see those two...well, let’s just say that Hunter is very patient. More patient than me sometimes, though I always try to be supportive. It would be nice if I could spend anytime with their son, but Roman guards him like I’m planning to kidnap him. All I wanted was to give him a Winterfest present, but no, I must be planning something terrible because my last name is Bellamy now. I’d say your best bet is Nathan. He’s not as intense as his siblings from what I can tell.”

Melvin nodded in agreement.

“It sounds like it,” he said. “We’ll see how things play out. I don’t want to force my way into my brother’s family. Have you given any thought to finding out who your father is? I know you sent DNA off to make sure you’re not related to Hunter, but have you decided what you want to do about finding your dad’s family?”

Wanda sighed heavily, and fidgeted nervously.

“No, but I really should,” she said. “I’d like to maybe know more about where I come from before I have kids too. It was a big deal for Hunter to know who his biological parents were, and he thinks I’d be happier knowing about my parents. I guess I’m just afraid of what I might find, you know?”

Wanda glanced around them for potential eavesdroppers.

“Don’t tell anyone this, but I’m going to step down as president as soon as I can,” she whispered, shocking her brother.

“Really? But you’re so good at it. No one ever complains at work about your leadership. Most people I meet would install you permanently in the position if they could.”

He watched Wanda's face carefully to judge her sincerity. He had been so sure since Winterfest that the office was corrupting his sister, even if he couldn't find any evidence for it directly. Now she wanted to walk away from it all out of nowhere? How strange.

“Who do you think could replace you?” Melvin asked. “I can’t think of a single person with the vision, willpower and morals that you have. Arkhelios needs you.”

“And I have zero desire to be queen or a dictator,” she sighed. “Truthfully, maybe Hunter and I would have kids by now if my job didn’t take up so much of my time. I barely see him during the day, and he’s always asleep by the time I get home. I haven’t learned a new spell in months now. I think Roman Bellamy might be a better witch than I am, and he’s absolutely terrible at magic. All of my own interests have been shoved aside to make room for politics, and it’s driving me more than a little crazy.”

Hunter nodded sympathetically but his mind was busy running through different possibilities for this new motivation. Wanda loved telling people what to do. It was a major reason why she had clashed so often with their mother. To give up the rush of being in charge maybe didn't mean she was corrupt. Maybe she was acting so strange lately because she was miserable.

“I don’t know,” Wanda answered truthfully. “I mean, I wouldn’t appoint a successor, we’d have an election to decide, but all the candidates who I think would run are terrible choices. I’m stuck in my position until-”

“Zane!” Melvin interrupted, excitedly pointing behind his sister. “Wanda, it worked! That’s Zane!”

Wanda turned to face where Melvin was pointing, only to have the familiar image of her dead brother lunge for her face. She screamed, completely taken off guard only to hear Zane’s laugh echo across the wind.

“Zane, you asshole!” she shouted, both excited and scared by what she’d seen. “We summoned you to spend time with you, and this is how you repay us?”

Unaware of their supernatural uncle’s visit, Melvin Jr and Dorian play with their dad’s dart board. He’d frequently told them to leave it alone until they were teens and weren’t as likely to poke their eye out with a dart, but that only made the board more appealing. They’d developed enough skill that Melvin was less concerned for their safety, but they were often grounded if he walked in to find them tossing darts anywhere other than the board.

“Zane! God damn it! Stop jumping out at me or I’ll send you wherever they sent those demons!” Wanda shouted, giving the boys enough warning to hurriedly close the dart board.

“Aunt Wanda, are you okay?” Dorian asked, cautiously looking around the room for the ghost she’d just shouted at. As far as he could see, it was just him, Melvin Jr and Wanda in the room, but he’d never known his aunt to shout for no reason.

“I’m fine, boys,” she assured them, looking anxiously over her shoulder. “There’s nothing to worry abou- Zane damn it, I’m getting my spellbook and you’re going to be sorry!”

Melvin and Dorian watched their aunt flail her arms around her as she ran upstairs to fetch the threatened spellbook. It looked more like she was being attacked by a swarm of bees, than a ghost the boys couldn’t see. The two of them shared a worried look, but didn’t let their family’s weirdness ruin their illicit game of darts.

[shadowsfascination]

Shadamy Swordland | Ch 1 | The Hayloft

In reference to this post Sorry if it’s a little long!I might add a second chapter to this. I got carried away and alrady wrote the draft, aaah! ^^

The Chaos energy that we know from the canon is seen here as a source of magical powers. One can master spells and learn the sacred arts to perform them. Special thanks to @shadamyheadcanons for writing all these beautiful headcanons. You may not know, but your writings are a huge inspiration to me and brighten up my day (:  I’m not even sure whether I write well, but here goes, lol! ___________________________________________

There’s a hidden entrance to the hayloft above the stables-building where Shadow used withdraw himself after a day of training his students or intense swordfights. It’s accessed by a ladder, stuffed away in a dark corner of the stables-building. One must know about it’s existence to use it or one will not even find it. To keep it like this, Shadow told no one about it, so he’d be left alone, even if he has a pleasant home to go to. His house was located near the central square on the academy and therefore way too noisy for him. Shadow liked the quiet so he could think. He was sensitive to incentives, which could be a blessing and a curse all at once. In addition to the crowdy location of his home, there’d also be the many, many encounters he’d have with young female students who always ‘happened’ to run into him on his way home that he’d rather go without. Notorious for being an excellent swordsman and a noble too, there’d always be female students trying to catch his eye. When both not intending to engage in nor interested in any romantic affair, he’d also feel extremely awkward not knowing how to let them down easily. He had a reputation of being blunt and did not want to add to it. Especially after he’d been called to the board to explain why there had been gossips around the academy about a romantic involvement with one of his students, Amy Rose.

He made clear to the board there was no such thing going on between them and offendedly told them that their presupposition was to be unheard of. He was her superior, she was his trainee. It was unthinkable that he’d become romantically involved with her. Even more so because he was a noble and she was not. No, Shadow had no interest in romance whatsoever. His work as a trainer and duty as a knight was too important to him and he did not let anything distract him from that. And so he returned to his hayloft, alone. Or so it seemed…

A cloaked Amy Rose snuck out of the trainees’ dorm in the middle of the night, remaining in the shadows of the academy buildings. When unable to avoid stepping into the range of the torchlights on the streets, she used her special skill to briefly turn invisible and disappeared into the shadows again. No one would catch a glimpse of her. She’d been doing it for about two months now and became more skilled in the art of hiding, blending into the background and admitted to herself that she even enjoyed sneaking around. Checking for the last time to see if the coast was clear, she placed her boots on the spurts of the ladder and carefully climbed up. Once she made it to the stables-building, she was safe. No one would come around at this hour and it was far away from the dorm. And that meant she didn’t have to be quiet anymore. A wave of excitement rushed through her as she stepped further, peaking around one of the wooden support-beams. Her trainer and now secret lover was napping in the hay, a twig of wheat between his lips, armor and sword removed. Even without any of it he was still extremely handsome.

“You’re here.” “Hey you!” Amy felt caught. She kept forgetting how well developed his senses were. A heat gushed to her cheeks. “Did no one see you?” “No. Surprisingly, there wasn’t anyone out there tonight.” Amy stepped in on him, out of the small, faint light that managed to beam into the loft. “Lucky you.” “I am. I get to spend time with you.” She seductively winked at him. “We see each other almost every day. I would say we already spend a lot of time together.” “Yes, but almost never can I do this…” Amy bent over and gave him a quick peck on the lips. Shadow then grasped her wrists and pulled her into him to passionately return her gesture and playfully pulled her over into the stack of hay he laid in. Twigs of straw flew up around them and the old, wooden floors creaked at her landing, slightly startling the horses in the stables beneath them. Cloak and rapier were taken off to be placed near his sword and amor. Besides her room at the dorm and the bathing facility, this was the only place where she’d put her sword away. Even when their district wasn’t engaged in a war currently, there were lots of obscure figures around with bad intentions and she should be able to handle them herself at all times. But not here. She was safe around him and could even pretend to be a damsel in destress if she wanted. She properly sat next to him, being handed a handmade clay cup with fresh water, which was all he could provide her up here. It was unevenly round and was a steal from the dorm-kitchen.

“Sadly you cannot. I was called to the board a few days ago.” “What? Why?” “They asked me to explain the apparently present gossips about us being romantically involved. I believe they bought my story, seeing how the apologized for the improper assumption after my offended reaction.” “There’s gossips about us? That’s bad! I cannot imagine who would have caught onto us. We’ve been really careful.” Amy chewed her lip and drew a sorrowfully face, staring at her reflection in the cup.

“Beats me.” “So, what did you tell them?” “I might have raised my voice and angrily scolded them for daring to accuse me of such foul, improper behaviour, you know?” Shadow said with a neutral expression. Amy heaved a sigh. “Plagues, Shadow! You really said that? Oh, who am I kidding? Of course that’s what you said!” “What are you being so dramatic for? It is in fact one of the very few assets that comes with the title of being a noble.” “You’re hopeless. Others will despise you for this kind of behaviour.” “What business do I have with others? Besides, they’re already not very fond of me. I’m an outsider and always will be. Anyway, we have got to be extra cautious from now on. They let me off with a warning, but this is serious.” “Serious, how?” “If they have the slightest proof that something is in fact going on, I’ll be suspended from training students and you’ll…” A long pause followed while Shadow looked away from her.

“You’ll be refrained from participating in battles, not allowing you to advance in your training or education. Worst case scenario might be that you’ll even be transferred to another academy.” “Aaargh! That’s so unfair!”

Amy intensified the grip on the cup enough to cause a crack in the enamel and angrily muttered about the ways she could scold the board for being this unreasonable. If it weren’t the middle of the night her somewhat impulsive, hot-headed nature might’ve gotten the best of her, storming off to the board to give them a piece of her mind. That was if they’d even let them see her. It wasn’t her place, coming from a lower-rank family. She furiously hated the hierarchy in the world and let out a curse. Shadow then grabbed her face and accidentally squeezed her muzzle a little too hard. Interrupting her many wrath-driven ideas to change the board’s vision, she was now forced to look at him. “I’m telling you now: you are NOT to mingle in this! I forbid it.”

“You forbid it?!” Amy broke away from his grip, bewildered and offended by his statement. “Yes, I forbid it. One of the benefits of being both your trainer and your lover. You’ll only make things look more suspicious.” An angry frown appeared on her face. “It’s not okay that they have that much power! I hate it! It shouldn’t matter! It doesn’t matter how big the gap between us is! I don’t understand how you’re not upset about this?!” “Fire and torments, Amy!” Shadow yelled at her. “Just get over it! Both our futures are at stake here! You have great potential to become a fine swordswomen and I’m not just saying that because you’re my trainee.” “So, our career-perspective is all that matters to you?” A sudden cold gushed through his body and Shadow’s face grew pale, leaving his hands to tremble and fists clenched. “How dare you say that to me?!” He whirled around, pushed her down and bent over her. The heart that had eagerly anticipated being with him tonight was now afraid of him for the first time in her life. It cramped inside her chest in fear, but that feeling faded to be replaced with a mixture of compassion and sadness when she caught his gaze. “BLAST, women! You’re the only person I choose to hang out with voluntarily. THE ONLY ONE!” A crack in his voice ended his scream. Startled by his outburst and her own false accusations, mean even in a way, Amy fell quiet. He wasn’t angry. He was afraid! Afraid to lose her. Shadow turned his face away from her, swallowed and bitterly stated: “If that’s what you think of me, you’d better take lea-“ Amy leaned in on Shadow, pulling him into her and silenced his doubts with a passionate, yet tender kiss. The hands that were clenched together as fists just a moment ago, opened up and slid under her back to lift her in his arms, holding her closer to his body. Her heartrate changed into a different pace, still rapid, but now driven by the intimate connection between them. She broke away from their kiss, eyes tearing up. “I don’t! At all!” He nodded at her once, closing the remaining distance between them again before she could entirely finished her sentence. He not only locked lips with her once more, but lifted her muzzle with his index-finger to force her gaze upon his. Amy then clasped her hands onto his back, slightly losing touch with reality with every touch. She ran her fingers through his quills in ways that made him shiver, returning his hasty, impatient ways of loving her. Shadow’s lips found their way to the soft lines that formed her jaw, then her neck and softly, heatedly blew in her ear, sending a hot rush through her veins. Abruptly he sat up. “Shadow, wha-“ He silenced her at once. His ears then twitched. Did he hear something? She held her breath. Suddenly the least of background sounds were highly present and she couldn’t differentiate them anymore. Luckily, as a feature of the ultimate lifeform, he was more than qualified to. When he breathed out at last, she followed his lead. “False alarm. I thought I heard something there for a minute.” Already leaning in to pick up where they left, Shadow was stopped by Amy. “Hey…I’m really sorry about before…” “Just promise me that you’ll stay out of it.” “I’ll bear with it.” “It’s only until you graduate. Now, can we please drop the subject?”

“Sure thing, my lord.”

She stuck out her tongue, knowing he hated to be called that and gave him a playful push, but was suddenly startled by the sound of a crack coming from the ladder. “Someone’s here!” She whispered with eyes wide open. She panicked, grasped in the direction of her belt to find that her sword still laid on the haystack and rushed over to get it. Being followed by Shadow, who also gathered his armor and sword and pulled her close to him. She looked at him in confusion. “Trust me, I have a trick up my sleeve: Chaos Control.” Having arrived at his house by teleportation caused by what Amy guessed was a high level sacred art spell, she heavily breathed out the tension in her body.

“That was amazing! How did you…What kind of spell was that?!”

“Plagues, Amy! Your cloak!”

“No, no, no!” she called out in despair, but regained hope when Shadow pointed out this was an excellent occasion for her to use her special skill.

He warped them back to the stables and hid somewhere, waiting for her to come back with the cloak.

Amy turned invisible and entered the spurts of the ladder as quiet as possible.

She quickly scanned the loft for the stranger. Her vision became more blurry when using her special skill, which was one of the downsides of it.

She was in luck: there was no one around. The other must have left.

There it was!

She swiftly footed her way to the piece of clothing, grabbed it and turned around to leave.

In the blink of an eye Amy regained visibility when a hand cupped her mouth from behind.

Amy let out a muffled cry.

The free hand of the stranger pushed her arms behind her back and fumbled the cloth around them.

“Surprise!”

[transformers-valiant-keepers]

I put so much investment into Roxie and Dadlock lately (I’m sorry) and it's all I ever think about them bc who doesn't love found family tropes. For TFTN, I took in key elements of characters, backstory and lores from IDW and incorporated the ideas into my own for TFTN.

I’ve been listening to Lasting Impression by Silent Descent when writing up Dadlock’s life (which probably fitting).

Trigger warnings for mentions of discrimination, drug use, implied dubcon, medic, shadowplay / mnemosurgery(?), child abuse, depression, implied suicide, ptsd trauma(?). 

I’ll put all of this under readmore

I've been thinking about how much similarities between Roxie and Drift in having to hide certain things about themselves from the society--with Roxie being deaf who has to constantly cover her hearing aids with her long hair, and Drift was a forged triple changer. 

Triple changers cybertronians bear the brunt of discriminations for being so different and the Functionalist Council saw them as a threat to Cybertron's future and the caste systems. Techno-organics also shared the similar reaction for being much different from others and were turned away by Functionalist medics.

It was pretty telling what Drift had gone through in his life… Before Roxie was constructed with his spark, before the Greatsword connected to his spark while unaware of the intentional true purpose in store for him and Roxie later on, and before Dai Atlas took him in to the Samurai clan. 

He did not start off as a good life living on the streets and homeless on Rodion. He was an independent, mostly kept to himself, barely opening up to anyone. He endured survival instincts living on the streets, and learnt self-defence battle protocols to defend himself when necessarily. 

Obtaining Energon for refuel wasn’t easy. He went through a dark place of sleeping rough, hooked on circuit boosters to spare the pain and selling himself for Energon through sexual activities. It wasn’t his choice nor how many times had he lost count when he came close to almost-deactivation from certain outcomes.

He never forgot the time he visited the medibay clinic to be patched up and to feel safe. That was the first time he saw Ratchet.

It was not the vivid life Drift wanted to remember for discussion. He spared the dark details of his early life and post-Shadowplay-to-Autobot’s assassin era from Roxie, because it’s not something he wanted to subject her to that exposure, even for one so young and carefree who was not exposed to the Functionalist era. He only shared his life after Dai Atlas approached and took him in, which changed his life completely, to his life amongst the Samurai clans. Dai Atlas was the closest thing he would call to a Sire. He became familiar with the likes of Cyclonus and Axe.

Axe and Cyclonus became his best friends who later became his Amica Endurae. Axe does not understand the life Drift went through--he had experienced living rough--but he was the only person he could trust enough to vent to. Cyclonus, on the other hand, understood what he went through and offered her shoulder for him to vent.

Crystal City was the safest place it had been in so long for Drift, not counting the fact a particular medical clinic had been relatively safe away from the backend alleys. Everything was good afterwards, he became a trained swordmech. It takes some adjustment for him to get used to sleeping in an actual berth provided for his own amongst other things--including Energon for refuel and to live. He did meet Ratchet, despite them having met long before when Drift lived on the rough streets.

Drift received upgrades to his frame, putting the past behind him to start anew under Dai Atlas’ mentorship, and touching the Greatsword had given him a second chance to move on from his past (obvious to the fact that the Greatsword had chosen him for a reason, or what fate had in store for him).

Becoming a Samurai was the best life-changer for him.

The Functionalists Council had arranged for Drift to be taken and captured (all the while, Pharma had secretly played a part in it) and was taken straight to the Institute where he was subjected to Shadowplay against his will.

Many years later, he eventually discovered Roxie’s existence… and somehow learnt she is his Kindred. And that instinct promptly activated his paternal Sire Coding within both his and Deadlock alter-ego’s programming. 

Life for Drift was royalty fucked up after Shadowplay had changed him into a deadly, fearless assassin with Emperor Nemesis as his handler (this was revealed in Prologue Part One). He was not known as Drift, he became Deadlock--likely a case of an alter-ego formed as the result from his traumas. Before all that discovery, he met Windblade and Perceptor who became two important figures in his life and opened up his spark. As a reminisce of his early days forcing to hide the fact he’s a triple changer, Windblade had to hide her cityspeaker ability whereas Perceptor had to hide his outlier ability and refrained himself from reading others’ thoughts. They hid this from the Functionalists and found themselves form a connetion with Drift after he saved them from unforseen situations. Drift knows what it’s like to hide and pretend, and sworn to sercery to keep both Windblade and Perceptor safe. He fell in love with Windblade and Perceptor--with an emotional deep connection with the young cityspeaker and scientist--but he never got to tell them both after they got separated apart from each others.

Roxie was constructed cold with her spark being a donor from Drift’s, thus forming a strong bond between the two--such bond between a Sire and a Kindred are considered rare in some cases. This is known as Cognatio Endurae.

Though, Roxie… didn’t have a good start after being subconsciously locked away in a stasis pod by the Emperor’s doings. The sad thing is? Drift does not know whether she was physically abused constantly through the bond whenever he was resistant against being controlled, or forced to obey commands, or goes against authority orders--and the thought alone had really broken him.

He tried to save her the first time but was caught out and forced to watch in horror as The Emperor abused Roxie in front of his optics--which played into the triggers whenever he saw Roxie was harmed and he shifted into his Deadlock persona way later on. Yes, Drift and Deadlock alter ego both genuinely care for Roxie. 

Techno-organics were not well-known to Cybertronians until the 22nd or 23rd Century, but one with an organic human DNA is considered rare. Now for Roxie, being a techno-organic and all… it wasn't easy to bring her up. Drift is new to parenting and can be a worrywart over her. His past actually helped him to adapt and care for her--he eventually grows into a better person than he used to be. 

Though, what Drift never prepared for… was Roxie diagnosed with severe hearing loss, aka Deaf / Hearing Impaired, in both audial receptors. He went as far to start his research and how to help her. He is patient and relied on the bond to communicate with her, he taught her to lipread--because he had little knowledge of sign languages. Once they get their servos on functioning Hearing Aids for her, she can hear their voices. It wasn't the best or helpful to her, Drift was relieved she was responsive to his voice like a sense of familiarity to her.

Due to the immense strong bond and prioritising Roxie first before himself, Drift turned off his pain sensors to take in the burdens and sensed her emotions and pains.

But her upbringing had its moments. Roxie hated hearing tests. It made her extremely stressed over the noise levels and the lowest ringing noises were the worst of all. She was a victim to disability discrimination by society, which she was completely shunned out and struggled to make any friends. It did hurt her and her hearing wasn't perfect that the kids relentlessly teased her for her difficulties--the aftermath forced her to cover ears and hearing aids with her long hair to hide her disability. 

She was dejected and left out, unsure whether to question where she would fit in in this universe. Drift sensed this coming through the bond and tried his best to comfort her as a father wanting to understand her. Roxie’s struggles with deafness had impacted on her mental health and she went through a dark place succumbing to negative voices and far too anxious to socialise with anyone.

She would cry herself to sleep with a wish how badly she wanted to hear, and bottled all of her emotions and issues to herself. She found it completely hard to talk or open up about her feelings--even to Drift and Axe. Such intrusive thoughts prone her despair into an emotional crying mess leading to Drift exposed his spark chamber to guide and soothed Roxie out of an anxiety attack keeping her focus onto his calming, pulsing spark and enfolded within his EM field filled with nothing more than a comforting familial love.

Suffice to say, Drift had coaxed gently, without pressuring her, got her to open up to him and listened to her confide in him. One time, she accidentally slammed Drift’s doorwing, which was very sensitive, when her emotions got the best of her during an outburst and of course, Roxie felt completely bad afterwards.

Meeting new people was difficult for her, much less making new friends without the unnecessary attention from adolescent organic males. Due to the society looking down on disabled people, Roxie doesn’t want to let anyone in, something that was passed on from her Sire, without putting her guarded wall down and succumbing to heartaches. She stayed--remained--close to Drift and Wing. She trusts them and they’re the only ones she relied heavily on for their support and speak on her behalf.

Beyond that, there were complications on their welfare over the years hiding on Earth, especially when Roxie’s health was concerned. Her height growth was stunted and slowed throughout her activated age. (At eighteen activated age as example, she stood at 5ft 4in). However, there’s major issues Drift and Axe had to deal with rationalizing Energon usage after the first time they watched Roxie overcome with extreme fatigue from low Energon. They were alerted by this despite the three of them living pretty rough to hide out on Hedonia without detecting the Autobots--they moved from one hideout to another, erasing their presence from their previous accommodations. Moving to a new place made Roxie unsettled the first few nights.

Drift’s early life resurfaced given the living arrangements on Hedonia, he was willingly to sacrifice his Energon for Roxie and replenish her energy and to avoid her body going into stasis shock. He had considered an Energon transfer reserved for emergencies only just for Roxie alone, and the process was risky that Axe had berated him for it on a dangerously low Energon withdrawal. Axe could understand due to Energon being scarce and trying to save as much credits that he had gone further to search and provide fuels for the three of them to survive.

Had they lived on Cybertron, specifically in the roughest places, Drift would’ve given away a full Energon to Roxie and spared little usage for himself to live through another day.

"A good Sire would do anything for their Kindred" Drift told Axe. And the truth is, Roxie was a beacon of light to Drift through the darker aspects of his life, even with being there for her through her low days.

That's as far I've written from my head about these two and I'm having many feelings over these two.

[boreddcposts]

Honestly I loved your Villain Wally and was wondering how do others react? I just loved it and want more

Hey! First of all, sorry for the late response. I’ve been super busy and have only had enough time to make short chat posts, and I wanted to answer this ask a bit thoroughly. So be prepared for a really long answer. I’ll be approaching this from both a brotp and otp point of view with wally and dick.

Barry: - Barry had no idea who Charge was for a really long time. To him, Wally West was his girlfriend’s nephew that went missing days after he accidentally found out Flash’s identity. When Charge emerged two years after Wally disappeared, Barry thought it was possible that he could be Wally. He tried to discover his identity. He really did. But the guy was just too fast, he slipped by every single time. And the one time he finally got him, Charge had started begging and crying! And, well, if Barry doesn’t let anyone know his identity, then what right did he have to know this guy’s? So he let it be - When he did find out, he was pretty confused. And pissed off. Pissed off at Dick, mostly. Because Dick knew. Dick had known for YEARS who Charge was and he never told Barry. So what the hell? But yeah, he was mostly confused and upset

Bart: - Oh Bart knew the whole time. I mean he’s from the future, he did his research on his family. He knew who Charge was. It made for a very shocking moment when Wally met him for the first time and Bart goes, “hey Wally!” and Wally’s reply is “... who are you and how do you know who I am?”

Jason: - Okay I think Jason has the best reaction to Charge, and any relationship he has with Dick. First of all, as soon as he becomes Robin one of his first duties is to find and confront Charge. He saw online that Charge is one of Robin’s top three nemeses, and well, he’s Robin now, so, declaring Charge as his enemy is the way to go. Wally of course argues against this because excuse you, Robin, I’m now NIGHTWING’S nemesis so jot that down. Nightwing then jumps in out of nowhere before Charge can throw fists with a 13-year-old - (BROTP) *to Dick* “You’re even weirder than I originally thought you were” - (OTP) “Gross.” “Sure, I’ll keep this a secret from the old man, are you serious? Finally, I know something he doesn’t.”

Okay so in this AU, since Wally’s a villain he can’t really have the same friends he has in the comics, you know Roy and Donna and all the other Titans, so I scoured the wikis to look for friends that Wally has outside the hero business, and friends who were ever villains. I found a few, and added them to this AU as the closest people in Wally’s life. The first four lived with Wally in an abandoned warehouse he found. Here’s their reactions.

Christina “Tina” Weller: - In this AU, she’s just three years older than Wally instead of like twelve. She’s basically a big sister to him. She was the first friend he made after running away from home and beginning to live on the streets. He tells her about his powers a couple of months after knowing her. She, as an aspiring scientist, was SO excited! A speedster! She had so many questions!! Questions that she asked Wally every single day even though they both knew he didn’t have the answers, Tina! - The two of them never passed up the opportunity to use Wally’s powers to their advantage. He used his speed to steal what they needed in order to survive. So she was no stranger to thievery. When Wally comes up to her with the idea of a name and a suit, she was all for it! Even helped him with the colours and name. - (BROTP) “I don’t think Batman would approve of this if he knew” - (OTP) “Oh my god Batman is going to kill you. Oh my god my little brother is going to be killed by Batman”

 Mason Trollbridge: - Two years older than Wally, Mason acts as the annoying older brother. In the group Wally coined as the “Two Syllable Squad” he was the last to join, as he was skeptic of the other four. As the last to join, he was also the last to find out about Wally’s powers. He was confused, because if he was a speedster then shouldn’t he be running around with the Flash? This resulted in an argument between Wally and Mason, which resulted in the group realising that the Flash is a sensitive topic, so don’t bring him up - He found out that Wally was Charge when he was out on a walk one day, and suddenly Charge was in front of him and handing him an Xbox and an apple and telling him to start running, police sirens blaring in the distance. Mason of course ran and hid, but as soon as he got back to the warehouse he was walking up to Wally, saying, “seriously, man? You’ve joined Flash’s weird colourful bank-robbing fanbase?” and Wally replies, “first of all, no. Second of all how’d you know!?” “You’re the only one I’ve told that I wanted an Xbox and I told you I was craving an apple this morning!!” - (BROTP) “Can you even do that?” - (OTP) He laughs for like two minutes before going “wait you’re serious. How does that even WORK?”

Ashley Fox: - Mason finding out about Wally being Charge led to the rest of the group finding out. Ashley claims that she already knew because “who else do we know who’s a speedster, has Wally’s physique and steals a bunch? Come on, it was obvious.”  - (BROTP) “Robin? As in Batman’s Robin? The Boy Wonder? He wants to be your friend? ... Why?” - (OTP) “You kissed WHO? WHEN? He wants to WHAT? YOU SAID YES? HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO GET THE BOY WONDER TO WANT TO DATE YOU? No offense.”

Connie Noleski: - She’s upset at first that Wally didn’t tell her as soon as he began being Charge, but after he explains to her the dangers of all of them knowing, she understands and promises to keep it a secret. So long as HE promises to steal the brand new line of barbie dolls that came out last week for her. - (BROTP) “Does this mean I can meet him? I’ve always wanted to meet him.” - (OTP) “I... oh my god, really? Way to go King! ... wait I called dibs on Robin like three years ago!” (Wally and Connie’s nicknames for each other are King and Queen because of that one time they pretended to be King and Queen of a magical kingdom. The names kind of stuck)

Hartley Rathaway: - Hartley and Wally first met when they bumped into each other at a park. Wally was 14 and Hartley 13. They quickly became good friends, Wally learning sign language with Robin’s help so he could easily communicate with his new friend. - Hartley becomes Pied Piper when he’s sixteen. Immediately recognising him at a Rogues meeting, Wally pulls him aside and confronts him, asking “what the hell do you think you’re doing?” Hartley stares at him for a moment before whispering, “Wally?” the conversation delves into a loud and heated argument, which ends with Wally snapping at him to “just be careful” and storming off. Needless to say, Hartley was pretty pissed at Wally when he first found out, but after a while he was just happy to have someone familiar on his side - (BROTP) “That makes sense” - (OTP) “Pretty sure I already knew. Pretty sure everyone knew. Except for Batman, because if he knew you wouldn’t be standing here right now”

Frances Kane: - Frances was Wally’s best friend before he ran away. When she bumps into him four years later, she gets as angry as an 11-year-old can get, frustrated beyond belief that he’s ALIVE and he never TOLD HER!? Her! His best friend! She thought they trusted each other with everything, but she guessed she was wrong. - They reunite slowly over the next couple of years, and when she starts experiencing the development of her powers she confides in him. She does end up becoming a villain and takes her anger out on him for abandoning her, but through it all she never knew that he was Charge. - She finds out after he comes back from the speed force. After she remembers him, he confesses to her who he was. This sets off Magenta, who immediately attacks Wally for lying to her all those years. All that disappointment she got from him for her becoming a rogue, and he was one the entire time!? How dare he? After he tells her his side of things, she calms down and eventually forgives him. 

[wongiemei]

2. Fear

a/n: aNgST wHO?

The Underworld was, ironically, above water. 

Situated on the vast Pacific, a large island, about twice the size of the United States of America, is known as the Capital. With spells and magic, all of the Coven kingdoms were hidden in plain sight with one being in the Atlantic, some scattered near Antarctica and one at the Indian Ocean. 

One of the famous ones that humans might recognize is the Bermuda triangle.

There are 3 kingdoms at the Atlantic Ocean: House Inure, House Languo, House Vermille.

House Languo is situated right at the middle of the Triangle, luring many pilots and shipmen to become their next meal. 

This is why House Languo is one of the richest houses as they are the known sellers of authentic blood and would even send you a drugged human, bounded and ready to be eaten. The profits kept coming in and they were it so fast that humans started to suspect and created the legend of the Bermuda, calling it a cursed and a haunted part of the world.

In truth, it’s just a part of the Underworld but with frequent unwanted visitors.

But the 2 biggest kingdoms, Kalon and Orenda, rest on the Pacific Ocean with the Capital on top of the Ring of Fire, known in the Underworld as the Entrance to Hell.

Some say it’s unlucky to have a vampire kingdom so near the thing that could kill them but some say the reason they’re so respected is that they are so near it and could withstand it.

But who really knows the answer.

Waking up from the bright sunlight, you squirmed and accidentally rolled out of bed, dragging the sheets and covers. At this point, you were so tired that you were willing to fall asleep again but as you settled on your back, your eyes snapped open and you blinked, surprised, when you saw a head of blonde hair peer over the edge of the bed.

“And you call yourself a queen.” 

His smirk after the insult made a growl escape your lips and you sprang back up to the bed, sitting on his bare torso and pinning his arms beside his head. Jaemin smirked up at you and unknowingly licked his lips at your bare chest with the sight of purple and red colors left from last night.

You scoffed slightly at the look on his face until you noticed his line of sight and shook your head, disappointed at your perverted husband. Releasing his arms and leaning back to place your butt on his lower abdomen, you quickly shifted away, feeling it poke your back.

With an irritated look, your eyebrows knitted together, “As if you didn’t use me enough last night, you still want more. How much more do you still want me from, Orendian?” 

Jaemin smugly placed his left arm beneath his head and his right hand drifted to softly grab your chin, “We were married for an alliance and children symbolize that it is official, don’t you think?”

“I will not become your birth factory. As much as you don’t want to, I intend to rule beside you and I will voice out my opinion if it’s needed. I will not hesitate to put you in your place, king or not.”

Thinking that your statement would make him angry, instead it made his grin wider. His right hand wandered down to your waist and his left arm left its spot from his head to place it to the other side of your waist. You looked at him curiously, guarded and not knowing of what his true intentions were. Through half-lidded eyes, Jaemin looked up at you and his grin turned lazy.

“You are quite bold, woman. Aren’t you afraid that one day, you say the wrong word and I rip out your tongue from your mouth?”

With a defiant glare, you responded, “What I said last night still remains true today and for eternity. You will never scare me, Na Jaemin. For you are only a puny prince whose future will bring the Underworld farther than Hell itself.”

Although his smile remained, Jaemin’s eyes visibly hardened and with all of his strength, he forcibly pinned you to the bed, red eyes glazing over your face. Lingering on odd places like your cheeks or your neck, Jaemin blinked slowly at you, anger radiating from his form.

“A puny prince, huh? My wife, my queen, seems to think that I am not capable of leading our country for the better. Should I teach her a lesson? Should I fuck her until her legs are shaking and mark her dry until all the blood is gone from her body? Or should I just hand her over to my men and let her experience a second without her title,” he sneered. 

Fear bubbled inside you but you forced it down and you cursed the weakness of your mind.

Even though vampires were mostly indestructible on the outside with cement-like skin, they were very prone and vulnerable to normal emotions. The absence of the heart meant nothing as the blood of humans carried something that fueled their existence and it traveled inside. But normal emotions was normal and could easily be felt, vampire or not.

A small but cold laugh escaped your lips, “My bloodline runs all over the kingdoms. If you should even do that, they are obligated to ruin Orenda due to their association with me. So try it, my king. For it will be the last time you’ll ever see your country and your family, alive.”

The threat clearly affected the boy but you were taken aback by his response. A pair of cold lips smashed to your own and you responded just as harsh, biting his lips and drawing his blood.

But when his lips left yours to bite on your flesh, a soft whimper filled the room as the razor sharp teeth roughly attached themselves on you and the abuse was something familiar yet unfamiliar to you. The fear of being trapped and so helpless that you couldn’t even push him away because you were weak.

He was taking his anger out, on you.

And there was nothing you could do to defend yourself.

You cried on the tub that day.

Paris was unusually cold during the summer month of June.

You bundled up in a beige trench coat with a black baker boy hat and a pair of vintage oval sunglasses from the 60s. The sunlight did little to nothing as it was still near 40 degrees and it didn’t warm the air. However, the sun’s fiery rays were still felt by sensitive beings like you and vampires were very prone to being cautious and try to stay away from hot things like those.

“Dear cousin, I take your honeymoon with the prince did not satisfy you as you are here shopping with me in Paris when you could be busy making love to your new husband.”

“Jaehyun, do watch your mouth. As much as I could care less for him, insulting his manhood is enough to cause that wretched temper of his into launching a seige to Metanoia and I do love you and Uncle and Aunt but your kingdom is far smaller and weaker than his army. You are one of my favorites and I’d rather love to watch Hoseok for his coronation to his kingdom that is still there.”

Jaehyun watched you with an amused look as your answer was said as you flicked through the coat racks full of Louis Vuitton coats, joining you with the inspection of the clothing. You were so nonchalant over the whole thing and he can really see the amount of training your parents have put you through to prepare you for your marriage to Jaemin.

“You know, sometimes I forget that you were the same girl who cried because I wouldn’t let her put a flower crown on my head,” he chuckled causing you look at him with a nostalgic look on your face.

“Oh, yes. I was quite naive back then.”

Jaehyun sighed as his eyes continued to look up and down on this particular honey mustard coat, “I remember you being scared of the most childish things. Johnny surprised you by the garden and you cried your little eyes out until your mother threatened to beat you. I guess that’s why you’re not really scared of anything now, huh?” He turned to look at you with a boyish smile, implying your easy agreement to the marriage.

“But the difference was, everything was perfect back then. We were young and we didn’t have anything to fear except for bath time. Now, we worry over who we’re expected to be and who we ought to marry for alliances.” Jaehyun’s fingers froze and he looked off into the wall. “Our lives have slowly become purely our parents and it fucking scares me that one day, we will be like them too. That’s my fear, Jaehyun. My one fear.”

Turning away from the horridly bright colors of the clothing, Jaehyun looked back at you and he felt sadness swelling up inside at the sight before him.

You’ve managed to fool everyone with your bravery and courage for your parents’ favor. However, there was a time where it wasn’t all an act and that you really were ready to risk it all just because they asked you to. 

A naive little girl.

But now that you’ve been exposed to everything and anything, Jaehyun saw the little girl crying behind those scarlet orbs, not because of his strong refusal of the orchid covered crown, but with fear of the world and no one to defend her for what’s to come.

a/n: oof sorry for making jaemin look like an asshole but hey, we need a plot line!

might start updating once or twice a week, usually monday. i have about 2 chapters written out just not fully written out, yknow? hard to explain but here’s your update!! so sorry for making yall wait without a schedule 🥺 ayo, send a few of yall names so i can use your name for an oc in this series. i feel kinda bad bc y/n’s friends needs some names

last also. if yall didn’t get it, jaehyun’s birthday is valentines day and she’s in paris and paris is known to be the city of love so paris is a part of metanoia, which is jaehyun’s kingdom, and Hoseok, J-Hope, is with the last name of Jung so I made him jaehyun’s older brother. a lot more characters will show up in the next chapter so don’t worry!!!

here’s a taglist, (just tell me if you want to be added!):

@bobohu-s-ane-yeobo​ 

[ger-bearofrivia]

Be Broken or be Brave 💌

Warning: angst, there is mentions of verbal and physical abuse, also child neglect.

A/N:This is my very first The witcher fic and my spelling is atrocious so sorry about that. I hope you enjoy! :)

Summary: Jaskier comes from a wealthy family who arranged a marriage with someone whom he isn’t in love with. Instead he is in love with his friend who is of lower class. These two have been together secretly for a while but they cannot let his family know. Jaskier being the youngest of five kids (all boys may I add) tends to get bullied by his brothers about his lanky looks. Compared to his brothers they who were more muscularly built and has very defined features, everyone seems to think they are more attractive. Because he got the short straw of the bunch his parents think he will never find love thus arranging this marriage. They even throw him a huge party to announce the engagement.  He always knew it more to spite him and to show their accomplishment of finding someone who would want to be with Jaskier.

He knew what his parents were doing, setting up this big fancy ball just so he can announce an unwanted marriage, with a person who he did not love, to people who he really didn’t care about. The only person that mattered to him was the girl who was standing within the crowd intently staring at him with a small smile tugged at her lips. She looked absolutely jaw dropping gorgeous tonight. Wearing a simple dress that accents her beauty rather than drown her in fancy beading and embroidery.

 She was not of the same social class as the rest of the people in the room, and just being friends with her, made Jaskier’s family scrunch their snotty uptight faces up in disgust. But that never stopped you two from being friends, in fact it brought you two even closer. So close that the both of you were secretly in love, and have been for a number of years, constantly sneaking off to be with your forbidden lover. Your parents unlike Jaskier’s actually adored him and saw him as a son. Being with your family actually showed him what it was like to be loved. Not like some castaway like his family made him feel. 

From a young age his parents made it known to him that he was a mistake, a product of accidental conception and knowingly allowed his four older brothers to torture him both verbally and physically. How many days he had to escape and limp his way to your house for aid because Charles punched him too hard leaving a huge black bruise on his ribs or Martin telling the whole school that he was a late bloomer and hadn’t lost his virginity yet (which you know from a fact is not true.) The worst he’s ever told you was when Sebastian and Emiel pinned him down on to the bed and suffocated him to near death with a pillow. All this was slid under the carpet by their parents, hell you come to think that they’d even encourage it at times. He was always told that he’d never find love and he’d have to depend on them on fining a suitor for him. Which led to this very day at the ball. When you walked into the room and the Viscountess saw you, she immediately chuckles sticking her nose in the air and whispered insults about how you were more dressed to be in the peasants quarters rather than her sons engagement ball. 

Once he escaped the grasp of his parents who were introducing him to loads of people he would never remember the names of, he makes his way over you, his smile growing wider with every step. “you look beautiful my love.” He whispered as he took your hand and spun you around. You thanked him laughing as this was a common thing he did when complementing you. “Words can’t fathom how much I want to kiss those lips of yours right now.” He whined. 

“I know my love, I do too, but we can’t you know that.” He lets out another whine. 

“one day I’m going to have you all to myself with no family, random people, or fake wife. Just us two by the coast, having luncheons on the beach as I try to teach you how to play the lute.”

“And get frustrated because I can’t get my fingers to stay in the right positions but all in all we laugh it off like the other hundred times you tied to teach me. Maybe you’ll have luck with our kids?”

“Of course I’ll have luck with them they are my kids after all. I’ll teach them everything from how to play the lute, singing, songwriting. They’re going to be amazing”

You laugh again. “yes well create the cutest musical geniuses that the continent has ever seen”you’ve always loved how he’s talked about your future together it melted  your heart. “How I want that life right now.”

He sighs “I know my beloved we’ll have it soon enough.” He pulls you into a quick hug planting an ever so needed kiss onto your neck. There was a sudden tapping on a glass that caught everyone’s attention. 

“It is now time for my son to make the all awaited announcement .” The viscount said. Julien let out a sigh of frustration before turning back to you. 

“Soon we’ll have our paradise my love but for now I gotta go.” You gave him an assuring nod. He walks up to his father standing next to him. You pushed through the crowd to get a clear view n the front.

“I Julian Alfred Pankratz will not take Lizanne Waldtraut to be my wife. I Instead would like to ask y/n to take her place.” You look at him with shock. 

"Mother, father you can disown me how ever you’d like, but I will not take anymore torment  from this family on who you want me to be. Instead I will decide my future for who I am.  I know where my heart belongs and that’s with y/n, she makes me feel  more loved than this family ever did. Unlike you she encourages me to challenge myself. What do you do? You bring me down and say I’ll never live up to my goals. That I’m practically worthless compared to my brothers and that you have to choose a career for me because I’ll never get anywhere in life with the career of music." 

"Julian” you pause tears in your eyes. He turns back to you and spoke softly so no one but you could hear. 

“My love I want to spend the rest of my life with you. We don’t need any of my families blood money. We can find a little cottage in a nice village on the coast close enough for your family to come visit. Just like we always dreamt of”

“How would we pay fo…” He cuts you off taking your hands and squeezing then assuringly. 

“We can use the money I’ve been saving up from gigs I’ve played.” 

You sniffle a bit and he smiles wiping away some tears. “Are you sure? You’ve worked so hard for that money” 

“I haven’t been sure about a lot of things in my 18 years of life but this.” He gestures to the both of you “what we have is special. You mean so much to me and I want to make you feel the same even if it takes the rest of my life.”

“You already do my love. Every day I get to spend with you is a blessing.””

“Will you y/f/n of Redania do me the godly honor and be my wife?” He gets down on one knee and opens the small wooden box that held his grandmothers ring. His mother lets out a ghastly gasp.  

“How did you get your grandmother’s ring! That was supposed to be saved for Sebastian’s proposal, not yours!” 

“Grandmother personally gave it to me. It was her dying wish to see this family heirloom to go to the right person.” he paused. “You know she was the only one in this family that saw how bad you treated me compared to my siblings. She said that she doesn’t understand what she did wrong to raise such an entitled bitch like you.” She gasped agin this time whipping her hand across his cheek causing the guests around you to be flabbergasted. Julians hand came up to rub the hot aching skin. 

“Get your grimy little paws off this ring.” She snatched it out of his hands handing it to her husband. “This was never meant for you. And to think I decided to keep you. You were a mistake and I should have gotten rid of you the second I found out I was pregnant with you. You abomination of a child of course you’d fall in love with a peasant like her. You two were made for each other. Leave the both of you I never want to see either of you ever again!” She signaled for the guards to come. Before they could take you held out your hand stopped them from touching you. You had no words to explain how furious you were with this family. The fact that no one had stopped her from saying those horrid things made you think that everyone who attended the gathering should rot in hell. These people who Julian had thought were his friends who he had grown up with just allowed her to say that with not a care in the world. Fake, false, arrogant rats was all that ran through your head as you walked up to the viscountess and threw a punch with force that you didn’t know you had. Blood runs down her chin, your vision was blurred, the punch felt too good, anger and the need for revenged pumped through your veins as you lift your hand again but this time you were stoped by the guards who grabbed your arms and dragged you out of the ballroom while you screamed profanities at them. Julian following closely behind. The doors of the manor slammed as you and Julian stood outside of what used to be his home. Looking over at him he looked almost unfazed about what happened.

“Julian I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” 

“No, no it’s okay my love. I’ve developed quite the thick skin dealing with there bullshit for years.” He tried to hide the pain and sadness in his voice. You knew that was a lie. He was always more of the sensitive type that always took criticism and harsh swords to heart. Usually you knew how to make him feel better but in this situation you just feel lost.  “ honestly I expected the mass humiliation from her but definitely not the punch. Not gonna lie it was kind of hot” you let out a small laugh. 

“Yeah well all I could see was red. How dare she do that to someone.” You sadly look down tears running down your face when you remembered the gorgeous ring he had briefly given to you. “The ring Julian I’m so sorry about the ring. That demon spawn took the only thing left that you had left of your grandmother.” You looked up at him with sad eyes. Surprisingly he had a look of content on his face. 

“She didn’t get anything. I had a cheep exact replica made. I have the real one right here to fulfill my grandmother’s doting wish” he pulled out a small wooden box with beautiful engravings on it while getting down on one knee. “I’m not going to say anything else to delay this any longer than it already has. Y/f/n will you marry me?” 

You break down crying nodding like a mad man. “Yes. I will marry you Julian”

“Good because I can’t wait to make you my wife.” He kisses you pulling away to look you in the eyes. “Now let’s go show your family.” You both walk away from the manor mot looking back. He wraps an arm around your shoulders and you intertwined your fingers. He pecks your temple before raising his free arm up and said. “Im free!”

[im-just-here-for-the-drama]

LGBTQ Characters in Asian dramas: The Good, The Bad, and The Mediocre: 2019 Edition

No one asked, but here it is-all the gay I saw in 2019! 

SPOILERS AHEAD!

The Bad (I’d say don’t waste your time on these, but who am I to tell you what to do?)

Graceful Family: Mo Wan Joon 

The Story: Blah blah blah, revenge or something- at a point it’s revealed that Mo Wan Joon is a trans woman. 

Should you watch?: If you really like revenge melos maybe, but if you’re looking for this show to do something good and offer up some good trans rep? Nope. 

Literally nothing about Mo Wan Joon’s story is watchable. I wasn’t even entirely sure the show even knows what being transgender even means. It comes off as more of a plot twist  to put the family all in a tizzy more than anything else. They don’t really show much of Wan Joon’s struggle or anything poignant or engaging. 

TharnType

TRIGGER WARNING:  Sexual assault/rape

Country: Thailand 

Official Links: https://www.facebook.com/notes/line-tv/tharntypetheseries-line-tvs-official-links-for-international-fans/2525229217761969/

The Story: Type is a homophobe who ends being roommates with the openly gay Tharn. 

Should you watch?:  No. The good you get isn’t worth sitting through the bad. But if you really can’t help yourself, you’ll have to learn to ignore its problematic elements.

Type was molested as a child, and as a result he hates gay people. He’s clearly still traumatized by his experience. He has nightmares and is triggered by Tharn at least once remembering his assault. Type eventually tells Tharn about his assault and it’s pretty much never brought up again. 

Type is shown to be ridiculously homophobic and he equates gay people with pedophiles and is never really corrected in this logic (even though his boyfriend is a whole gay man). Even after Type starts dating Tharn, Type’s homophobia is never really properly put to rest. 

For some reason, the writer of TharnType loves incorporating rape/sexual assault into her shows when it’s clearly a sensitive topic she knows next to nothing about. And it’s clear in this show, because the show take the topic way lighter than it should.  Because of what happened to Type in his childhood, he believes that gay men like forcing themselves onto others without their consent, and then the show proceeds to have Tharn do exactly that to Type multiple times. Also, thankfully, this happens offscreen, but another character pays several men to gang rape another character and that’s too heavy for a show that clearly wasn’t going to address it properly. 

At the beginning of this show, Tharn had a huge issue with knowing what boundaries and consent were, but by the second half, Tharn chilled out and Type stepped up and became ridiculously childish and violent towards Tharn. Clearly these two have no real business being in a relationship with each other if you ask me.

Though there was a lot I hated about this show I did like some of it. I think this writer writes some really nice and sweet scenes between Tharn and Type.  Mew and Gulf have great chemistry. I’ve seen plenty of videos of Gulf and Mew together and they are adorable. They work well together and they come off more natural than some other couples, but the way the relationship is handled  in TharnType and some of the things that are glossed over in this show leave a bad taste in my mouth. 

The Mediocre (These aren’t the best, but they’re watchable.)

Moment at Eighteen: Jung Oh Je

Country: Korea

Official Links: https://www.viki.com/tv/36633c-moment-of-eighteen?q=moment%20of

The Story: Transfer student Jun Woo has no interest in school life, as he is traumatized from being expelled from bullying. Meanwhile, Soo Bin has been watching Jun Woo all this time. She sees a different side to Jun Woo than the one that other people see. Oh Je, is Jun Woo’s best friend who starts to discover his sexuality.

Should you watch?: Hmmm… sure. 

Oh Je has a decent side plot. It was interesting to see him figuring out he liked Hwi Young and coming out to his ex girlfried, Da Young and his friends. I do wish his story was expanded a little more though. There were several things I would have liked to have seen, like coming out to his family, and I thought they wrapped his story up a little too quickly at the end. 

2moons2

Country: Thailand 

Official Links: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLdoEouCtbBvjdNkB5Wl0eYS4V4Zx-1MZY

The Story: Wayo is accepted at the Kantaphat University, in the Faculty of Sciences. Wayo has always been in love with Phana, who studies at the same university. When Wayo has the chance to become the “moon” of his faculty, the two begin to spend time together because Phana himself has been the “moon” of the medical school the previous year and must supervise the freshmen participating in the competition. The two slowly get closer and closer. 

Should you watch?: Yeah. 

Honestly, it’s not super memorable,and not super impressive, but there’s some cute moments, and an easy storyline. We get to see more of the other two couples (MingKit and ForthBeam)  than we saw in the original 2moons. It’s fun and interesting enough. I’ll look forward to the next one. 

Theory of Love

Country: Thailand

Official Links: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLVsizYwoQ6B3LsKmcDDMNtHGXnjG88i4C

The Story: Third is a  filmology major and a member of the Savage Team along with his best friends Two, Bone, and Khai, but he has a secret. Third has been secretly in love with Khai for years. 

For three years he has kept his secret love in his heart, silently supporting and loving Khai while knowing there is absolutely no future between them since Khai is as straight as a streetlight pole and also an absolute player. 

To make matters worse, Khai has a “no dating friends” policy.  How long can Third love Khai silently while watching Khai bring a different girl home every night? Third has tried to see Khai as just a friend.  But has failed time and time again. Because as easy as it is to fall in love, to stop is just as hard.  Maybe even harder.  But when Third finally decides to stop loving Khai, Khai decides to start loving Third.

Should you watch?: It wasn’t my cup of tea but, yeah.

Who knew one of my most anticipated shows of the year would turn out to be one of the most disappointing? The show spent way too much time on Third crying, wallowing, and letting his friend walk all over him, and not nearly enough time on Khai making a believable turnaround. Khai spent at least half the show being a dick of a friend, to the point that I was unsure as to why Third liked him for so long. Then when Khai started to have feelings for Third, I just thought it happened way too quickly and unbelievably to me. But despite all that there were some cute moments in the end that made all of that kind of  okay and kind of worth it. And the side couple was cute. 

Dark Blue Kiss

Country: Thailand 

Official Links: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLdoEouCtbBviEVFNHbg7dKw7Lfd8-6zB1

The Story: Kao and Pete being in a blissful romance, have grown closer. But Kao is closeted, and he fears the thought of others finding out. His mother introduces Non, a son of a colleague, to be tutored by Kao. With Non constantly giving off ‘iffy’ vibes towards Kao, it only fuels Pete’s jealousy. Their relationship is put in strain, but through this, they must ultimately overcome each other’s flaws. 

Whilst Sun pushes his brother Rain to stay away from Mork, the younger man’s uncontrollable behavior brings him in. As his wildness is intriguing, Sun’s seriousness holds Mork down somewhat. Underneath it all, the two start to care for each other. However, with Mork’s dangerous life, he can’t shake who he is. But maybe he can for someone like Sun.

Should you watch?: If you’re a fan of Pete/Kao or a fan of the typical GMM show.  

I wasn’t a huge fan of Pete and Kao from the series they were originally in and this show honestly didn’t really help. Pete and Kao’s relationship is pulled into an annoying direction when an outsider tries to come between the two of them. It’s classic bl tactics and frankly it’s boring and frustrating to watch when it drags on for multiple episodes. I did love Sun and Mork from the beginning, but even the writing for their storyline got annoying towards the end. The huge problem in this series is that none of our leads really communicate with each other. There’s some enjoyable things in this show but it’s ultimately more frustrating than it should be. 

Ossan’s Love: In The Sky

Country: Japan

The Story: Haruta, a 35-year-old single man, has to switch careers and he begins a new career as a cabin attendant in Tenku Peach Airlines. Even though he’s clumsy, he seems to be protected by the Great Captain Kurosawa. One day, he finds drawings of himself in a locker and accidentally discovers tries to figure out who drew them. Haruta discovers that not only is the mechanic Shino in love with him, but Captain is secretly in love with him too. Meanwhile, Haruta takes an interest in the co-pilot Naruse.

Should you watch? Yes, but you might be disappointed by the end. 

I’m a fan of  the original Ossan’s Love and I know what this show usually gives so I expected this show to be silly, ridiculous, fun. And it was for the most part. I always love Haruta. I would literally watch him in any reincarnation of this show and not complain. He’s always a joy to watch and that’s still true here. But this time around, things are a lot more messier than usual. There’s a complicated love triangle, which I hate, but  even that was fine because I enjoyed the other characters. My only complaint was how it ended, because I would have preferred him with someone else rather than who he ends up with. 

Love with Flaws: Won Suk and Ho Dol

Country: Korea

The Story:  Joo Seo Yeon, is a hot-tempered physical education high school teacher who always wears sneakers, jeans and training uniforms.  The death of her parents helped instill a deep sense of compassion, a generous heart and an outspoken objection for anyone who drinks and drives. Living in a house with three wild and very attractive brothers, she loathes flower boys. Her ideal type is someone who is “not handsome.” Won Suk is one of her handsome older brothers.

Won Suk has closed his heart to relationships and love, but he lives his life as an openly gay man. Ho Dol is closeted and lacks confidence. They meet one night at Won Suk’s bar.

Should you watch?: People have been kind enough to condense Won Suk’s and Ho Dol’s  story into parts on YouTube so yeah, go ahead and check it out. 

These two don’t get a whole lot of screen time, but the little they do get is nice. We get to see Won Seok help Ho Dol open up and be more confident with who he is and in turn, Won Seok opens up his heart. 

The Good (These are worth the hours of your life you won’t get back.)

History3: Trapped

Country: Taiwan

Official Links: https://www.viki.com/tv/36410c-history-3-trapped?locale=en

The Story: Shao Fei’s police officer mentor and Tang Yi’s gang leader father were killed in a gunshot attack. No one knows why or what really happened. The only survivor, Tang Yi, stepped up and is now the gang leader. Police officer Shao Fei wants to find out what happened that day and he’s sure that Tang Yi’s hiding the truth. Shao Fei decides that the only way to figure out the truth is to investigate Tang Yi to the fullest and Tang Yi just wants Shao Fei to leave him alone since he’s trying to take the gang in a more legitimate direction, but what happens when the two keep crossing paths and ultimately start to fall for each other? 

Should you watch?: Absolutely. 

I watched this show twice last year and somehow I liked it even better the second time around. The story is fresh-school/university plots get real old real fast (not that I don’t love them though). Instead we get a story about a mob boss and a police officer.  The plot is well written, coherent, interesting, and fun, and doesn’t revolve solely around the romance. And speaking of romance, it’s well integrated into the larger plot that focuses on figuring out what happened to Tang Yi’s father and Shao Fei’s mentor years ago. There’s just the right balance between plot and romance. There’s also a second couple that’s super cute. Both couples have great chemistry. What’s not to like?

He’s Coming To Me

Country: Thailand

The Story: After his death, Mes is a ghost that is consumed by loneliness. That is until he meets a strange boy that can see him. The two bond in a state of happiness and joy as they develop into friends. But what happens when Mes falls for the boy who is alive?

Should you watch?: Of course! 

This is by far, in my opinion one of the most slept on shows of 2019. Who would have thought things could work out between a ghost and human? I went into this show expecting it to be full of sadness and angst and it really surprised me. Of course it does have those things, Mes is ghost so… but  it’s definitely one of the sweetest dramas of the year. The boys forge a strong friendship and bond from the beginning, they’re ridiculously cute, the side characters are enjoyable, the friends are supportive,  and there’s an interesting story of Mes and Thun trying to figure out the mystery behind Mes’ death. You should definitely put it on your list to check out. 

What Did You Eat Yesterday?

Country: Japan

The Story: Kakei Shiro is a 45 year old lawyer who works at a small law firm. He is a good cook and a meticulous and thrifty person who keeps the monthly food budget to 25,000 yen. Shiro’s daily routine is to leave work on time and head to a discount supermarket nearby. His partner Yabuki Kenji is an affable hairdresser in his 40s. The two of them share a two-bedroom apartment and the finer points of two men living together comes up at the dining table every day. Although two of them have been in a relationship for three years and Kakei’s parents know he is gay, Kakei never shares the fact that he is gay or Kenji is his partner to anyone else.

Should you watch? Definitely.

Very slice of life, very sweet, very heartwarming. We get to see two older gay men navigate their lives and society. We see how Shiro struggles with coming out and being open and we see how he deals with his accepting but ignorant parents. We see Kenji struggle with Shiro’s closed-offness and the strain its puts on their relationship when Shiro refuses to let people know they’re together.  Shiro and Kenji interact with other gay couples too, and it’s interesting to see the dynamics between the different couples.  It’s a nice change of pace to the shows I’m used to.  Also, there’s plenty of food to salivate over. 

Hello? Spring Is Coming

Country: Korea

Official Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnyivXs1rWk

The Story: Every coming out is difficult, but most of all, coming out in front of  family is the hardest.

Should you watch?: We get way too few shows about wlw. And also they’re way too short, and on that note yes you should watch. It’s sweet. 

The Effect

TRIGGER WARNING: Rape, bullying, attempted suicide 

Country: Thailand

Official Links (in the comments): https://mydramalist.com/32424-the-effect

The Story: Shin, a shy and reserved 1st-year university student, admires his senior Keng from afar. Keng is tall, handsome, smart and owns the heart of many girls on campus. But what others don’t see is the pressure to be perfect from his family that weighs on Keng’s shoulders.  Due to Shin’s clumsiness, he becomes acquainted with the handsome senior. As Keng takes a liking to his junior,  jealousy from peers makes the cyber world a breeding ground for hate and nasty rumors. Shin falls victim not only to the strangers online but to Keng as well. Nobody but Shin can overcome the trauma that will be placed upon him. All he needs is for the strangers to listen. Because only then can they understand “the effect” that they have on others. 

Should you watch? Heed the trigger warnings, and if you can handle them, then yes. 

You know those BL shows where one of the characters is forced or coerced into having sex with their love interest and then falls in love with him at the end? This show is thankfully, not that. I wouldn’t even consider this a BL because, well because it’s not. It’s not a love story. It takes a very very different and serious path that most shows in this genre don’t even come close to. This show did a good job of really showing the effects of social media, bullying, and rape, what they could really do to a person, and the support system one needs after a trauma. At a (way too) short 3 episodes, it was super emotional, mostly realistic, and it really left a memorable impression. There were a few things I wish had been explored and fleshed out more and I wished they’d changed the ending from the novel. I would have preferred something more uplifting, less open ended potential tragedy. But on another note, James as Shin was a stand out here with such an emotionally draining role. I’ll definitely be looking forward to his future projects. 

Mood Indigo/Indigo No Kibun

Country: Japan

The Story: The story begins with Shiro Kido’s reunion with a former classmate, Rio Kijima, at a college teacher’s funeral. In the past, when they were students, Kijima used to show talent as a novelist, even earning a big prize. Kido was jealous of Kijima’s success, but after reading his works he became aware of his lack of talent and gave up writing novels and became an editor of erotic novels. However, after reuniting, it became clear to Kido that Kijima was stuck; facing a wall. He had used up all his talent. With Kido also being in a lost state he offers Kijima the opportunity to write pornographic novels.With the intense eroticism and closeness, both men open up and feed into their desire. 

Should you watch?: Yeah. 

As one of the more erotic shows on this list, It was interesting to see the development between Rio and Kido. Their dynamic certainly isn’t anything romantic,cute, or healthy but still very beautiful, passionate, and raw. I wasn’t a huge fan of this shows predecessor Pornographer, but this one really made me appreciate it from another perspective. It helped me realize why Rio was the way he was and how this relationship impacted his later relationship with Kusami.  

Really Lily?

Country: Korea

Official Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=167D6kmuspU

The Story: Are we friends? Or…

Should you watch?: It’s short, sweet, and funny. Absolutely. 

Rural Outcasts

Country: Korea

The Story: Sun Hui moves to a small village where she lives her life as Soon Ho until she can make enough money to become her true self. Dong Ja, a feisty 12 year old, breaks into her house one day.

Should you watch? Yes.

 Found family always makes for a heartwarming story and this one is no different. I loved the bond between Dong Ja and Sun Hui and I loved their mother daughter relationship. Very sweet and heartwarming, but be prepared for some heartbreak too. 

History3: Make Our Days Count 

TRIGGER WARNING: Forced kisses, bullying 

Country: Taiwan

The Story:  At first glance, high schoolers Xiang Hao Ting and Yu Xi Gu appear to be polar opposites: While  Hao Ting is an outgoing, hot-headed extravert and some-time bully,  Xi Gu prefers to keep a low profile and focus on his schoolwork. They seem bound for totally different futures – the bookish Xi Gu looks destined for academic success, while life is just a long popularity contest for Hao Ting. But a quirk of fate – and a crucial intervention by a female schoolmate – results in the two young men’s paths crossing. But there is more to both young men than first meets the eye.  Hao Ting was not always this way. He started out as a perfect student until he discovered the joys of going off the rails.  Xi Gu has a reason for being so aloof and studious: His parents died in a traffic accident while he was younger, and he is being fostered by his aunt. As such, he works hard to get good grades in an effort to win a scholarship and ease the financial burden on his relatives. Xi Gu and Hao Ting find themselves drawn together, and passions ignite. The former notices that he has the unique ability to bring  Xi Gu out of his shell – and becomes intent on melting his cold-as-ice exterior. What will happen when their two worlds collide? And can love be the catalyst that helps bring these two unlikely students together – as their high school days draw to a close?

Sun Bo Xiang is Hao Ting’s friend who has a crush on a man, Lu Zhi Gang who he meets at the gym. Zhi Gang’s runs the shop that Xi Gu works at part time. When Bo Xiang confesses to Zhi Gang, and tells him that he’ll love hm forever, Zhi Gang doesn’t believe it because Zhi Gang is young and overzealous. Also, nothing lasts forever, or does it?

Should You Watch?:  Yes, but it doesn’t end happily so keep that in mind.. 

Given this show’s predecessors it had some big shoes to fill. I expected this show to be good and honestly, it was. The general consensus is that the ending ruined the entire show. And had I had time to sit on this series-if I had watched it over the weeks, I might have felt the same way. But I watched the entire show in one sitting over the course of a day and I just can’t bring myself to hate it completely. The writing was good, the directing was good, and the acting was so good I think a lot of the show was elevated because of it. This show made me feel so many things. The couples are great with natural chemistry, and the side characters fit so well (there’s never a dull moment with Hao Ting’s friends).  I smiled, I laughed, and of course I cried (#heartbroken). I was sad and upset when episode 10 came around. I wasn’t disappointed once the credits rolled because I was still riding the emotional high of the first nine episodes, but after I had time to sit and think about it, the more disappointed and angry I got. Just like grey rainbow and wise prison life- why did you give me everything I ever wanted and then rip it out from under me? But even so, the first nine eps were great. Does it have its flaws? Well obviously, some things in the show are a little iffy (Hao Ting and Sun Bo practice some problematic behavior at the beginning towards their love interests, that’s where the trigger warning comes in)  and the last episode is a glaring misstep. Do I wish things had ended differently? I think they absolutely should have. Even this ending would have been satisfactory with some proper execution and build up. Overall this show could have cemented itself as one of my favorite shows if not for the last episode, but I really don’t regret watching it, because when it was good?  It was gold.

Out of Breath

Country: Taiwan

Official Links: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLuUQH5CiOw6n9Z0O5ytuQY2EFuvbF_7DX

The Story: Ha Eun has just broken up with her girlfriend when she meets out and proud Min Seo. 

Should you watch?: Yes! 

It’s a short webseries about coming out and no longer wanting to hide who you are. It’s very sweet and realistic. The ladies are cute and their characters are believable. My only complaint is that I wish the show was longer.

Until We Meet Again

TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide

Country: Thailand 

Official Links: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPXE51seODgcGxLQF_X5jzQ/playlists

The Story:  Thirty years ago, Korn and Intouch were university students in Bangkok. Intouch entered Korn’s life despite knowing that he was the son of one of the most influential people in Bangkok, the mafia. At first, Korn kept pushing Intouch away, but in the end, he couldn’t resist him. However, in a time where homosexuality was unacceptable and having parents that were against their relationship and each other, Korn and In’s love was bound to be doomed. Amidst the chaos, while Intouch kept on fighting for their future, Korn could not deal with all the suffering his lover was facing and decided to give up. That day, two sounds of a gunshot rang through the air. Their story ended with tragedy, but something had already tied itself between them, bounding them together even after they were dead. 

Years later, a freshly returned to Thailand, Pharm who is a  freshman in T- University has grown up always feeling like he is waiting for someone. Being riddled with sad dreams that always left him waking up with a wet face, fear of loud noises, and a birthmark on his temple, the boy has always felt like there is someone he is missing. Dean, the third year swimming club’s president at T- University has also spent his life searching for someone whose face he can not remember. The red thread of fate that had tied them together in their past life once again pulls the two boys back to each other, tying them to each other and a past that might not be worth remembering, but a love that is unforgettable. Because the red thread that binds the two hearts together will always lead one back to the other. Even though it might tangle or stretch, it will never break.

Should you watch?: 100% yes. 

This show isn’t finished yet, so I’ll just talk about what I’ve seen up to this point. I read a few comments about this show before I watched it and although it was one of the shows I was looking forward to the most, I was skeptical about watching it since the reviews were mixed. Lots of people love it, but there was also an overwhelming about of people saying it was boring and average at best. After watching the 12 episodes that are out, I gotta admit that it’s not perfect. It is a little slow in some parts, some times you feel like you’re watching Thailand’s version of the food network, the director needs to learn when a scene is over, the product placement can be distracting, the kisses are more awkward than I’d like them to be, and that sounds like a lot to be bothered by, but honestly- I love this show. I feel like Until We Meet Again is what happens when a production crew cares more about making a good show rather than making something that fuels the typical bl fan’s fantasies. It has an interesting storyline and it’s well acted. There’s great emotional moments filled with sweetness and sadness. It’s funny and there’s loving and supportive family and friends. A lot of the typical bl drama tropes aren’t involved here. There’s no girlfriends, no portrayals of women as evil incarnate, no cheating, no coercion into sexual activities, or the popular I’m just gay for you crap. I saw on Twitter a while back that someone was asking how they could get bl to branch out-how to reach a larger audience because there’s a lot of people that won’t watch it-this is how you do it. 

[namjuicyy]

Forbidden - Chapter One

Masterlist | Requests are open.

Genre: Fluff, smut, angst.

Genre of this part: Angst with a tiny bit of smut.

Word Count: 3.1k.

Summary: Prince Hoseok had never been told “no” until his father lay on his deathbed. Hoseok was ordered to marry, but his eyes were set on the one woman he wasn’t allowed to have.

WARNINGS: Mentions of depression; alcohol misuse; a dark period in Hoseok's life; mentions of underage sex (don't do it); womanising; corporal punishment; unprotected sex (keep safe, kids); fingering; choking; voyeurism; pussy slapping.

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Hoseok never wanted this. If he could he would have passed down his crown to his brother, the second he found out he was going to be the king one day. The whole idea scared him so much and the worst part about it was that he could never run away from it – he would never be able to escape the future that lay before him. He tried to run away once, but he was caught within the hour and scolded brutally. He was dragged back to the palace kicking and screaming and forced to face his reality that one day the fate of an entire country rested in his hands and surely, he'd fuck it up like he had everything else in his life up until this point.

Hoseok had always looked down on kings of the past who turned to drink, gambling and womanising, but when he found himself inside his first woman and he'd forgotten all else but the feel of her he'd become addicted to this form of escapism. And since he gave his virginity to the first woman who would accept his money at the age of 14, he found himself lost in various others almost daily since.

Prince Hoseok's bed was never cold – he would never allow it. He hated the idea of sleeping and waking up alone. He didn't care who he had in his bed with him, if there was a warm, naked body next to him it didn't matter. A lot of the time he'd drag his mother's lady-in-waiting into his bed, tangling himself up with her in the expensive Egyptian sheets and having his way with her two, possibly three times each night. But when she was unavailable, he'd find a replacement easily. Waking up that morning he found himself next to the fruitier, Jisoo. She was a beautiful woman, so naïve and pliant – the perfect submissive alternative.

Hoseok wrapped his arm around her naked body, holding onto her small frame like his life depended on it and affectionately peppered her skin with kisses. The way he acted anyone would think he was in love with her – but he was just affectionate which was a lot of the reason why he got into trouble. His gentility and kindness outside of sex was unprecedented; men simply didn't do it. So, he would accidentally make women fall in love with him due to his unique sweetness. Which, if you're fucking most of the palace staff, isn't the best thing to do. But Hoseok couldn't stop himself. He craved affection he never grew up with, and this was the only way he could get it; even if it meant breaking a few hearts along the way.

Jisoo stirred in his arms, stretching and giggling at the feel of his plump lips tickling her skin. "Good morning, Sir."

Hoseok didn't respond verbally. Instead he just slid his hand lower and lower until he reached her pussy still wet from the onslaught last night. She was so sensitive – so responsive to his touches. The minute his middle finger began to rub at her clit she was putty in his hands. She'd let him do anything he wanted.

Hoseok pulled the sheets off her, allowing him a little more freedom, and adjusted her body so she was half lying on top of him, her back pressed to his chest and her legs spread wide open for him. She was completely at his mercy. She felt his long, slender hand wrap around her throat while he played with her clit, his teeth biting gently on her ear. She was so close, Hoseok could tell. He knew her body like the back of his hand, he'd had her that often. He knew as soon as her moans reached a higher pitched, she was almost ready to cum.

A sensation that should have washed away as soon as Hoseok's younger brother walked through the door, but Hoseok felt Jisoo's pussy gush a little at the intruder.

"Another one, Hyung?" Jimin's eyebrows raised as he watched his brother continue to play with his latest toy. Jimin, at this point, was completely unphased by anything Hoseok could do, including bedding the fruitier and refusing to let her free until he'd had his way with her.

"I cannot help it." Hoseok replied. His voice was deeper than usual, and almost too quiet underneath the sound of Jisoo's mewling. "They fall at my knees begging me to fuck them. Don't you, baby?" His question was directed at Jisoo and punctuated it with a slap to her clit. He chuckled darkly at her stunned response, but ultimately knew the sweet, little fruitier loved to be roughed up a bit.

Jimin rolled his eyes and bent to pick up his brother's clothes. "Well, unfortunately you are going to have to put the staff down for at least an hour. Father wishes to speak to you."

Hoseok groaned, but not because of anything Jisoo was doing. He plunged his fingers inside her and began to finger her roughly, feeling her body jiggle above him in the best way. His brother was putting a dampener on things, though, and he could feel his erection slipping away. "Can't he wait?"

"If this conversation waits any longer, you'll be king." Jimin threw Hoseok's clothes to him. "Hurry up, would you?" And with that, Jimin left the bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him. Hoseok withdrew his fingers from Jisoo and lay back, keeping her sat upright.

"The King wants me," he told her as though she'd not been in the room with them the entire time, "and I can't go to him like this."

"No, sir." Jisoo replied. Her voice was weak and hidden behind her pants.

"You are going to have to help me, baby. Make me cum and I shall reward you tonight."

He watched as his tiny lover crawled onto his lap and sank herself down onto his impressive length. She knew she was being used, but she also knew he'd make up for it eventually. So she did as she was told, and rode her prince in the way he liked – and as quickly as she could, too, knowing that if she made the prince late, she'd be punished – and not in the way she'd like to be.

Sure enough Hoseok came inside her – quickly filling her up with his seed until he was spent. He was numb to the feeling:he'd fucked so many times at this point orgasms were nothing more than just alittle tingling sensation that left him chasing something more gratifying thanwhat he'd been given recently. But it didn't matter how many girls he slept with, he could still never leave his bed satisfied and as a result would find himself buried deep within the walls of one of the palace girls praying that this time she'd fuck him well enough for him to be completely and truly spent.It was safe to say he was bored, but found it far too difficult to stop this downwards spiral he'd caught himself stuck in.

Hoseok's father was sick but was by no means deteriorating fast. The royal physician had given the King at the very least one year left ruling his country, so he had to make the most of it. This included preparing his eldest son and heir to the throne for the lifelong task ahead of him. The King was a tough man, a no-nonsense man with strong opinions and a ruthless demeanour but was the best ruler the kingdom had ever had. He was fair and just, and helped the country prosper in such a way the kingdom had never seen in its history. Hoseok had big shoes to fill and this was some of the reason why he was so petrified to assume his role.

Hoseok hated being summoned to his father's quarters. He always associated it with being told off as this was how his father would assert his dominance around the domestic household. If you were in trouble, you had to go to him and not the other way around. He rarely praised his sons – but would usually announce good news over the dinner table in front of the whole family and waiting staff, rather than in his private office. Growing up, Hoseok often found himself leaning on the King's desk to receive his corporal punishment. He could still feel the welts of his father's belt when he'd been returned to the palace after running away. So, Hoseok could feel the nerves bubbling up inside of him as he knocked on his father's office door and waited for the familiar deep rumbles of the invitation to enter - which was granted when the King wished to grant it. It had been common for the King to keep Hoseok waiting for half an hour before he had been allowed into the office. Another reminder that even his own son was at his disposal as and when he pleased.

Five minutes Hoseok waited for his father's invitation – he timed it on the grandfather clock sat outside the door. Hoseok's hand shook as he turned the doorknob and entered the office.

His father sat at the heavy, oak desk as he usually did; his face serious and his hands clasped together, allowing his chin to gently rest at the side. The King didn't look at his son once when he entered the room, nor did he acknowledge the formal bow Hoseok greeted him with.

"Sit." His father commanded.

Hoseok silently did as he was told.

His father's voice was quiet when he spoke. "Your mother was missing her lady-in-waiting this morning. But you would know all about that, wouldn't you?"

"Father, I-"

"Be still. Your King speaks." He cleared his throat. "When will this stop, Hoseok? Fornicating with the palace staff, disrupting the lives of everyone within these four walls with your dirty habits, and using the taxpayer's money to pay for whores. Do you have any idea what position this puts you in – this family in? If you behave like this now, how will you be when you become king? How can the public trust you when they know you'll spend their money getting your cock wet?"

"They won't."

"No – they won't."

"They won't have the option to not trust me. I won't be their king."

"I beg your pardon?"

"I'll be abdicating as soon as you pass, Father. I will be handing the crown to Jimin."

"You'll do no such thing."

"I will. Jimin will be a much better leader than I will be – you know it just as well as I. He's never disappointed you, always played the dutiful prince and he knows how to lead in your footsteps. The country has always preferred him over me as have you, and I will not serve a people of whom I do not wish to serve!"

Hoseok's monologue was interrupted by a sharp pain across his cheek that turned into a burning sensation. He cradled his pain with his hand and looked up at his father who had delivered a harsh punishment to his son. Hoseok was no stranger to the odd slap here and there now that he was an adult, but it was still somehow so unexpected.

"You traitorous little snake! You pathetic little weasel!" His father hissed. "How dare you speak in that way about your kingdom – your people. You -" The King was himself interrupted by a coughing fit – one Hoseok had never seen before. His father had always managed to keep his illness private, even from his own family. The King was always a pillar of strength in the family and watching the King crumble meant that Hoseok's stability was getting more and more fragile with every dying cell. Hoseok handed his father a glass of water, who accepted it graciously despite being angry with his heir. Hoseok knew he wasn't meant to see the blood the King had coughed out into a tissue, but he saw it and there was no turning back from it. His father really was dying.

"You are going to do as you're told for once in your life, Jung Hoseok." The King commanded calmly as if nothing had happened. "When I die you will take my place and rule this kingdom. You don't have to like it – God knows I never did. Just please don't destroy everything this dynasty has built. You'll need to produce an heir yourself which means from now on I don't want you to share a bed with any women until you and your betrothed marry, understood?"

Hoseok knew better than to argue with his father, especially when he was in this state. He simply nodded.

"Good. Now," the King sat down behind his desk and offered a seat to his son, "the Princess Jieun of Brudosha will be arriving within the fortnight. You two will be married soon after whilst I'm still alive so I can make sure you've gone through with it."

"An arranged marriage?"

"Well, you've not fallen in love with an unmarried princess, have you?" Hoseok shook his head again. "Well then, an arranged marriage it is – like I had, and all your grandfathers and kings had before me. Her portrait paints her favourably so don't think so harshly of her. You won't get tired of looking at her, that's for sure. You are dismissed."

Hoseok knew he'd be forced into marriage one day. He knew he'd have to face up to the fact that he'd never fall in love and would never be able to keep her even if he did. But the reality of his future came crashing down onto him all in one go, and it felt like he was drowning in it. His father's death today had been made real by the blood on the tissue, and his future set in stone by a single portrait no doubt fabricated by the palace of Brudosha in order to sell their unwanted princess to the highest bidder. And Qedian had fallen victim to the scam. It seemed to be too much happening too fast.

Once again, Hoseok broke his promise to his father. Jisoo was in his chambers once he returned, still naked and soft from the morning's activities. He couldn't help it and found himself inside her quick enough, trying to achieve anything so long as he didn't think about the future.

Eunjae walked into your chambers carrying her final item of the morning to get you dressed and ready for another boring day in the palace while your husband worked himself to the bone. Some days you hoped for his death but would find yourself confessing to the nearest priest and begging for forgiveness. You wanted to be forgiven for your sins – but you meant every single one of them.

Eunjae did way more than any lady-in-waiting would have to do in any other palace. For you, personally, she was nearly every member of the household put into one. She was your butler, your confidant, your best friend, your sister, your lady-in-waiting, your dressmaker and mender, your stylist. So, every morning she would bring in a wheeled tray fashioned by the woodworkers in town to bring you everything you needed first thing in the morning; your breakfast, wash kit and even your mail. You rarely received mail save for the odd invitation to tea from the appropriate aristocratic figures. All of which you declined given you couldn't stand to be in a room with female versions of your husband, each one gossiping and shaming other women when it was them who should be shamed for their cruel tongues and cold personalities. Soares you attended, only because it was your duty to attend them and your husband would be elsewhere mingling with his government and forming new and obnoxious plans for world domination. As usual, your breakfast was the first to be presented to you so you could eat it and begin the day's tasks as quickly as possible. This often included working during breakfast while sat in bed and praying you wouldn't have to get out of it any time soon.

When you opened your mail, you sighed, prompting Eunjae's keen and empathetic ears to prick up and ask you the question you expected her to react to. "Who's the letter from, Ma'am?"

"The Royal Highnesses, King Taeoh and Queen ___ of Shibia are cordially invited to the engagement party of Prince Hoseok of Qedian and Princess Jieun of Brudosha." You read aloud. "Qedian?"

"Yes. It's the kingdom next door to ours, Ma'am."

You laughed in embarrassment. "I should have known that, shouldn't I?"

"Nonsense, Ma'am. You've only been here for a year or so. Your people are more important than the location of your country."

You hummed in agreement.

"Will you attend?"

You nodded. "I suppose we'll have to. Political obligation and all that poppycock. Must keep up appearances."

"I didn't even know the Prince was engaged, Ma'am. I have family in Qedian and they said nought to me."

"Perhaps they don't like you."

Eunjae laughed. "Wouldn't surprise me, Ma'am. Do you suppose it's an arranged marriage, Ma'am?"

"Perhaps. Mine was at least."

Eunjae hears the solemnity in your voice and knows not to pry any further. She doesn't want to upset you especially first thing in a morning when you have a whole day to get through. Eunjae was very much aware of your attachment and love for her and couldn't bear to see you so sad as you have been throughout the entirety of your year-long marriage. She did pity you, there was no denying that fact, but she also never let it show and acted as though there was nothing wrong. Which, most of the time was something you needed.

"When will you tell the King of your invitation?"

"Later, perhaps. After his nightly visit when he's sated and calm. I know he doesn't enjoy these things, but we ought to go."

[purpleswans1]

A New Meaning for Deku

Technically for Villain Month, but doesn’t have much of a focus on the villains so I won’t be tagging it as such. It’s still part of my Villain!Izuku AU though.

Read also on FF and AO3.

This wasn’t how Ochaco Uraraka’s life was supposed to go. Until a few months ago she was on track to her ideal life: get into a good hero school, graduate and become a pro, then earn enough money to make her parents’ lives easier.

That future disappeared the day her father died.

His company was conducting repairs on a large l skyscraper when a local villain fight broke out. A new up-and-coming hero called Mount Lady resolved the issue, but during the fight hit one of the I-beams, causing it to fall and crush not only Ochaco’s father, but five of his employees as well. That was bad enough already, but the hero commision refused to accept responsibility for the accident and spun a story that placed the blame on the company's shoulders, so the insurance company got out of paying the life insurance for dad or the other employees. Since Ochaco’s family were the owners of the company and legally required to pay reparations to the families of the dead employees, that saddled her grieving mother with a large amount of debt.

Ochaco was freaking out about the debt when a kind stranger contacted her. He said he sympathized with her situation and was willing to pay off the debt, on the condition that Ochaco came to work for him. In hindsight, Ochaco should have realized it was too good to be true, but she was desperate. It wasn’t until after they’d struck a deal that she realized he didn’t want her waiting tables or getting coffee. He’d forced her to drop out of school and has now told her to meet with his allies in a seedy part of town.

When Ochaco reached the address her mysterious benefactor directed her too, she found a surprisingly elegant bar open during the day.

A blue-haired boy sitting at the bar looked up when she came in. “Hey! What are you doing here?”

Ochaco swallowed. “Um… I’m supposed to be meeting someone here. You wouldn’t happen to know anybody going by the name All For One?”

The blue-haired boy who’d spoken looked confused. “What do you need with Sensei?”

“Ah, Miss Uraraka. You were able to make it,” a familiar voice said.

“Sir?” Uraraka asked, looking around for the man she'd come to meet. She’d never met him in person, only speaking to him through the phone or email, so she had no idea what he looked like.

“The master isn’t present,” a misty bartender explained. “He prefers to provide instructions through the TV over there.”

“Uraraka, these will be your new coworkers. Tomura, try to make your new team member comfortable. You’ll be working together for a while."

The blue-haired boy -- the one Uraraka assumed was called Tomura -- turned on his bar stool to give her a critical look. “You don’t look like much. Are you sure you’re cut out for this kind of thing?”

Uraraka looked down at her feet. “I don’t know, but I need the money for my family.”

“Hm” Tomura started scratching his neck. “Hey Izuku! Get out here and meet the new girl.”

There was a series of thumps from somewhere upstairs and a plain-looking boy with green hair walked in through the back door. He couldn’t be much older than Uraraka, who was supposed to be in her last year of middle school, and seeing someone else her age made Uraraka relax a little.

“Tomura, who is….” The boy noticed Uraraka. “Oh, you’re… um…” his cheeks darkened. “You’re a girl.”

“Nice observation skills there, Izuku,” Tomura said.

The green-haired boy -- Izuku -- was quick to defend himself. “N-No it’s nothing like that! I just assumed that you’d be a boy when Sensei told us you’d be coming, though I realize now that was somewhat sexist of me. Half the people in the world are girls after all, but I’ve just been spending all my time with Tomura and Kurogiri and Sensei for the past few years so I’m not used to interacting with girls and as such don’t know what I’m supposed to do in this situation…”

“Oi, you’re mumbling again,” Tomura broke into Izuku’s long-winded explanation.

“Eh? Oh, I’m so sorry!” he rubbed the back of his head, looking sheepish. “This isn’t a great first impression…”

“No, it’s fine.” Uraraka walked up to him. “My name is Ochako Uraraka. And your name is Izuku, right?”

Izuku’s face lit up. “That’s right! Izuku Midoriya. I’ll also go by ‘Analyst,’ but that’s more of a codename. This guy,” Izuku pointed to the blue-haired guy, “is Tomura Shigaraki. He and I are practically brothers, so don’t be surprised if I accidentally call him Tomura-nii. That man over there,” he pointed to the misty bartender, “is Kurogiri. He’s the person to talk to if you ever need something or want to talk to Sensei.”

“Indeed,” Kurogiri said. “By the way Ms. Uraraka, the master mentioned that you might need a place to stay for the foreseeable future.”

“Oh! Well, yes, that would be appreciated,” Uraraka turned to speak to Kurogiri. “My mom’s house is too far away to commute, and I haven’t had the chance to go apartment hunting…”

“Don’t worry about it!” Izuku interrupted. “We’ve got several extra rooms upstairs. It’s okay if she stays here, right? Kurogiri? Tomura?”

“That would be foe the best,” Kurogiri said. “You and Tomura have to behave, now that there’s a lady in the house.”

Shigaraki gave Uraraka a hard look. “I guess she can stay.”

“Great!” Izuku was practically jumping with enthusiasm. “Come on Uraraka, I’ll show you where you’ll be staying.” He quickly turned and led her to the back door.

“Okay,” Uraraka started to follow Izuku but stopped. “By the way, what is this place? What kind of work do we do?”

Tomura broke into hysterical laughter. “You mean you came here without knowing that?”

Uraraka’s eyes migrated to the floor. He’s right, I should have figured out what I was doing before I came here.

Tomura spread his arms. “We are the League of Villains. We use our quirks and talents to destroy heroes!”

It finally occurred to Uraraka that she was in way over her head.

---------

There was a light knock on her door. “Uraraka? Do you mind if I come in?”

“Don’t care,” Uraraka said, her voice muffled by the pillow she had over her head.

The door opened and a mop of green hair peeked in. “Are you alright?”

Uraraka moved the pillow down so she could glare at him. “What do you think?”

Izuku at least has the self-awareness to look uncomfortable. “Want to talk about it?”

“My dad is dead, I had to drop out of school, and I just found out I sold my soul to a villain organization to get my family out of debt. Does that sound like alright to you?”

Izuku winced, “Yikes. Okay, I didn’t know about all that.” He walked into the room and closed the door behind him. “You really don’t want Tomura hearing you complain like that. He wouldn’t react well.”

Urarak blinked. “What? Is he sensitive?”

“Sort of? Well, not the way you’re probably thinking…” Izuku scratched his cheek nervously. “Tomura… is ferociously loyal to All For One. He hates it when anyone speaks out against Sensei. Well, he hates a lot of things, but you’ll figure out what topics to avoid after a while."

“Sounds like you have some experience with that.”

Izuku shifted uncomfortably. “There’s… plenty of good times to excuse the bad. I’d rather not talk about it.”

Uraraka looked at Izuku. Really looked. She’d thought he was plain-looking when they first met and that was still true, but now she began to notice little things that told big stories. How his posture was slouched, making him appear smaller than he really was. How his freckles were fading from lack of sunlight. How his skin was paler than it should be. How his clothes were faded and old, worn down in some places. How he looked just… exhausted.

Maybe I’m not the only person who didn’t choose to be here, Uraraka wondered.

“Izuku, why did you join the League of Villains?”

“Wha-um…” Izuku started looking around the room, anywhere but Uraraka. He was rubbing his fingers together, likely a nervous habit.

“You… you don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to,” Uraraka eventually conceded. She’d have plenty of time to get the story out of him.

Izuku looked at her again, but now his face was covered in guilt. “I… I wanted Sensei to give me a quirk.”

“What?”

Izuku opened his mouth and the words came out in a wave, like he couldn’t stop it once he got started. “I was born quirkless. I still don’t have a quirk. When I was a kid all my friends got really powerful quirks and I didn’t, so I was devastated. They bullied me, calling me ‘useless, quirkless, Deku’ and I couldn’t stand it, so when All For One offered to give me a quirk, I jumped at the chance and am still determined to get it by proving to him I deserve one…”

“Whoa! Whoa! Hold up!” Uraraka interrupted. “So, All For One is able to give people quirks?”

“Oh, yes. It’s he quirk. He can take people’s quirks, use them for himself, or give them to other people. I’ve seen him do it for some low-key lackeys like Moonfish.”

“Wow. That’s…” Terrifying. “Interesting.”

Izuku gave her a look like he knew what she meant to say. “Well, it’s the truth. I’m sure that if I help Tomura and All For One with the League of Villains he’ll eventually give me a quirk.”

Something about Izuku’s explanation didn’t sound quite right. Uraraka was sure she wasn’t getting the whole story. “If you’re able to help the League of Villains, doesn’t that prove you don’t need a quirk.”

Izuku’s face fell. “I don’t want to be quirkless Deku anymore.”

“Deku?”

“It’s another way to pronounce the last part of my name. It… well, apparently it means I'm useless.”

Uraraka frowned. “Actually, I don’t think so. It sounds like a hero name to me.”

Izuku looked at her in shock. “A hero name?”

“Yeah! Like, ‘you can do it!’ It would be really inspiring. If I had the chance to become a hero, I would have called myself ‘Uravity’ but Deku actually sounds way cooler.”

Izuku continued staring at her in shock for several seconds. When he finally turned away, it was to stand up and walk to the door. “I… I should probably leave you alone. Kurogiri will get on my case if I finds out I was alone with you and the door was closed.”

“I won’t tell if you don’t.”

Izuku gave her a small smile. “If you want to talk some more, my room is right across the hall. Tomura’s is at the end of the hallway and Kurogiri prefers to sleep in the basement.”

Uraraka nodded. “Thanks, Izuku. I’ll probably come to you if something comes up.”

Izuku turned away. “You know, if you mean what you said about the meaning of Deku, I wouldn't if you called me that. Only you, though.”

Uraraka smiled. “Alright, Deku.”

Maybe there’s a silver lining here.

[fairycosmos]

Well I accidentally came off anon, it’s a bit embarrassing tbh. Dunno why. I’m really sorry that I have so many negative things to put on your asks, you don’t have to answer them, I just wanna be listened to and be understood. Just letting these out because I don’t have a lot of people I can vent out to about literally every little thing. Going anon makes it so easier to be real and pure and honest. I wish there are more people like you. I really do. You are the definition of kind. -A

hey angel. sorry for the lateish response, but it's not embarrassing my love. don't worry about it. i absolutely think you're justified in resenting your mum for the way she treats you. having a mental illness is hard enough, but having people around you that don't even try to understand can make it all feel a hundred times worse :(( you're v strong for dealing with it and for getting through it on a day to day basis. you should recognize how resilient that makes you. seriously, it counts for so much. when you have anxiety and depression, it's easy to spiral into a pit of self hatred - and your mum acting like everything is your fault is bound to hurt your self esteem even more - but you have to know that in reality, you are a wonderful/capable person and your struggles don't define you at all. it's fine to be who you are, and to need help, everyone does at one point or anothe. it's totally okay to think negatively sometimes, and to process painful emotions, but you don't have to fully buy into them or give them any power, you know? it's how you cope with them that matters the most. your mum is not cultivating an environment in which you can develop healthily. her attitude towards you is complete bullshit and it's not fair. but it's also not your fault, and it's not a reflection of you. she's responsible for her own stupid words and actions. there comes a point where you just have to try to accept that you can't change your family, you can't help where you come from - but you can control how you deal with yourself, how you help yourself and where you go from here. alright? i honestly believe that you can do it. i'm not just saying that. part of growing up is realizing that your parents don't know shit. you're not being over sensitive. i need you to understand on an integral level that you deserve love and happiness and understanding, because so many people know where you're coming from - so many people are in the same boat as you. if you force yourself to think something like that, something positive about yourself at least once a day, even if you feel stupid doing so at first, then you'll start to believe it eventually. you will.i know it's all extremely difficult, i get that. but i promise that where you're at right now is not where you'll always be. you'll grow, you'll learn, you'll manage and your perception of things will change and develop. there will come a day when you have complete control over over your life, when you can choose who you want to be around, when you can explore your city whenever the hell you want to. that day will come a lot faster than you think it will, man. having a messed up relationship with your family can really fuck your head up, but that doesn't mean there are absolutely no avenues of support available. mental illness is serious, right? it can be to do with brain chemistry, or it can be circumstantial, but you have to reach out in order to figure that out. actively learning how to adapt healthy thinking patterns/coping mechanisms into your life will make a massive difference over time, honestly. is there anyone at school you can turn to, maybe a teacher or a counsellor? or is there some sort of support group in your area, or a mental health hotline you can call to ask for some guidance? i know it's scary and a little weird, but i've called them before and they were v helpful. it wasn't anywhere near as bad as i had convinced myself it was going to be. i think most things in life are like that. anyway, my point is that you don't have to deal with everything all on your own. your mind may try to tell you otherwise, and it's alright to be afraid - just don't let the fear stop you from making the right choice. your mum is a complete dickhead and she doesn't deserve an intelligent, lovely kid like you. all you can do is try to focus on what's in your control - helping yourself as much as you can, and blocking out your parents when they try to make you feel bad about things you can't change. i'm so fuckin proud of you for handling all of this shit and for sticking around. i'm genuinely rooting for you so much and i know you're going to see/do great things in the future. you just have to give yourself a chance. keep taking it one step at a time. take care of your own well-being. and let the rest figure itself out. i really hope you're okay, and that things feel a little less heavy soon. i'm always here if you need to talk. hmu anytime.also thank you so so much for being so lovely and sweet. i think you're giving me too much credit, if everyone was like me we'd all be fucked but still,, i appreciate it so much aaaaaa 💕 i'm sending all the love in the world your way.

[agnes-knits-blog]

Things I wish I had known about fibromyalgia, and how to live with it

To put this into context, I was diagnosed about 10 or 11 years ago now, and it was a diagnosis reached by excluding other things that could be causing my symptoms. I had X-rays and MRI scans, I had something very unpleasant called electro-conductivity testing to rule out multiple sclerosis, and then I was told that I have fibromyalgia, have this leaflet, please close the door after you. I was basically forced to deal with it myself for a long time, and I’ve learnt quite a lot about how to manage myself. I hope what I learnt can help you.

What is fibromyalgia?

Fibromyalgia means “muscle and nervous pain”. Current research suggests that it is a dysfunction of the central nervous system (that is, the nerves that tell your brain what you’re feeling), so nerve signals are misinterpreted as pain.

Symptoms include, but are not limited to:

Widespread muscular and nervous pain, fatigue, headaches, cognitive dysfunction (problems concentrating, poor memory, slow or confused speech) extreme sensitivity of the skin, extreme sensitivity to pain (as in, you accidentally catch your finger on the cupboard door, it hurts really badly and it still hurts 2+ hours later), muscle stiffness after being still for a while, muscle spasms, poor sleep quality and waking up tired, dizziness and clumsiness, feeling too hot or too cold (because the body isn’t able to regulate it’s temperature) sensations like tingling, numbness, prickling or burning in hands and feet (and maybe other areas), anxiety and depression.

That’s a lot of symptoms, and chances are you don’t get all of them, and other people will be affected differently.

Stress

Stress makes fibro worse. It makes the pain worse, it makes everything harder to cope with. It’s not just me saying that, it is a scientific FACT. I know if I get upset, stressed  or angry, my pain INSTANTLY increases. I can’t watch horror films anymore, every time there’s a jump-scare I feel like I’m being showered with needles! So, it’s really important to try and keep your stress levels down. Find hobbies that help you relax. Choose to be calm and happy! It will really help!

Pain

How you think about your pain needs to change. It isn’t a matter of “powering through” and having to “man up”. If you have fibro, you have something which means your nerves are nearly always screaming at you that stuff hurts. LISTEN to your body when you exercise. If it tells you doing something hurts, slow down how you are doing it. Slow your movements down, focus on how you feel and go gently. If it burns or hurts more than you are prepared to deal with, leave it for the day. Get some rest, take some paracetamol and ibuprofen and relax! If the pain gets too much – as in, can’t eat because feel sick because pain, or can’t walk/do daily tasks anymore, go see your GP about pain relief. It took me 8+ years to find a doctor who took me seriously and understood the condition, and gave me the pain meds I need to function day to day.

My current meds are: 2 x cocodamol (30mg codeine/500mg paracetamol) x 4 times a day. 1 x 100 mg gabapentin twice a day. 1 x 100mg sertraline (anti-depressant) twice a day. 45mg mirtazapine at night. That’s a lot of anti-depressants because I also have Bipolar Disorder (used to be called manic depression). Gabapentin has been an absolute godsend for me! It’s really helped tone down the constant prickly/tingly sensations

Sleep

Sleep is incredibly important. When folks with fibro don’t get enough sleep, or don’t get enough deep sleep, everything hurts so much more. Fibro can disrupt your sleep cycle so you don’t go into the deep sleep your body needs - so SLEEP IS IMPORTANT! If you sleep well, you will be so much more able to deal with everyday pain. So try your best to get a good night’s sleep. Create a bedtime routine – go to bed at a decent time (around 11pm at the latest) after a warm bath or shower. Have some extra-soft pyjamas or loungewear to get into after coming out of the bath or shower. Have a hot (non-caffeinated) drink e.g. herbal tea, hot milk, Horlicks or Ovaltine. Don’t watch TV in bed! Do not spend too much time on tablets, phones etc past 9pm (blue light from screens will make you feel more awake, use a blue light filter if it’s built into your devices).

This may make you feel like an old fogey, but SLEEP IS IMPORTANT! Like, super duper important! And you need to do everything you can to make sure you sleep well. However, and this is the real kick in the teeth, sometimes you can do everything right and still wake up exhausted. If that happens, talk to your GP about medication to help you sleep. There are various anti-depressants that are commonly used for this, like amitriptyline (which I used to take, and my sister takes now), and I am currently on mirtazapine to make me properly sleepy. There’s a happy side effect in that these drugs also help to lessen nervous pain.  

Fatigue

As you will have noticed by now, fatigue isn’t just feeling tired. It’s feeling exhausted, like you haven’t slept for a week, and you can barely do anything before you have to stop. On days like this, you only have a little energy, and you have to be careful how you spend it. Figure out what HAS to be done (e.g. need to do the laundry so you can have clean clothes tomorrow, dishes need to be done because you have nothing to eat off and you are hungry), and what can wait until you’re feeling better (e.g. vacuuming). You can’t do everything at once, so take it one task at a time slowly and at your own pace. Give yourself breaks if you need it. It’s important to cut yourself some slack and allow yourself to come back to it later. Be kind to yourself. Ask for help if you need it. No one wants to see you struggling with something, or in too much pain to cope.

Cognitive dysfunction (a.k.a. fibro-fog)

Some days, your head might feel like it’s been stuffed with hot cotton wool. You can’t think straight, and you can’t find the words to properly express yourself. You will probably forget things that are a change from your normal routine. People may ask you if you’re on any drugs! Unfortunately there’s no treatment for it, but you can find ways to deal with it.

Use a calendar or paper diary – writing things down may help you to remember them better. Make lists of important things WHEN YOU REMEMBER THEM – you can’t rely on yourself to remember them another time. You have to try and leave yourself reminders. Future you is forgetful, so present you has to plan for it! And if you forget something important, be prepared to apologise!

Food

I’m know it’s very tempting, when you’re in pain and tired, to just order some delicious food delivered to your door, but you’re gonna find it very hard to lose weight when you can’t do lots of cardio, so it’s best to eat healthy most of the time. Keep frozen chopped onion and garlic in the freezer, and tinned tomatoes and pasta in the cupboard, so you can knock up a good meal with minimal effort. Try to have a folding stool in the kitchen for you to perch on whilst cooking. Make it easy to eat well, and save the left-overs for lunches!

Exercising

You’ll probably find it very hard to keep exercising like you used to. Try to replace high impact exercise with something low impact like cycling (not spin class!) and rowing. Maybe try something like yoga or pilates (I know, it’s old lady stuff, but it’s still good for you!), low impact stretching and general core work will be good for you.

DON’T do exercise classes where you will get constantly yelled at to go harder. Don’t let other people set your pace! Let your body tell you how fast you can go!

In general, don’t let other people set your pace. Sometimes you will need to go more slowly, if you feel unsafe on your feet (as in, knees might give out and you might deck it, right in the middle of the street) consider getting a stick. It took me years to finally admit that I needed one, but it has seriously helped me. My sister went through the same thing a few months ago, and I told her: it isn’t you admitting defeat or failure, it’s you doing what you need to do to help yourself. Plus she now has something to trip people up with if she doesn’t like them!

And to anyone who says that fibro isn't real, or is all down to lifestyle factors, I say this: me, my sister and my aunt have all been diagnosed with fibro independent of each other. And I have reason to believe other members of my family might be showing symptoms too! There is clearly a big genetic component at play, so blaming people who can't exercise for being overweight is counter productive as fuck.

[acuppellarp]

Welcome to A Cup-pella, Ty! We’re excited to have you and Alisha Owens in the game! Please go through the checklist to make sure you’re ready to go and send in your account within the next 24 hours. 

OOC INFO

Name + pronouns: Ty Age: 27 Timezone: EST Ships: Alisha/Chemistry Anti-Ships: Alisha/Forced

IC INFO

Full Name: Alisha Michelle Owens Face Claim: Candice Patton Age/Birthday: 30 / December 4, 1987 Occupation: Accountant Personality: fearless, serious, nurturing, sensitive, and forceful Hometown: Atlanta, Georgia Bio:

Alisha Michelle Owens, the only daughter of Christine and Nate Owens, was born into a rather hard life. Her parents were only teenagers when they had her, and hadn’t been together very long. Their parents demanded that they ‘do the right thing’ and get married, so the couple spent the first few years of Alisha’s life still getting to know each other better, while also trying to navigate marriage and parenthood at a young age. Obviously, it wasn’t smooth sailing, but the one thing the duo could always agree on was how much they loved their daughter. It was that love that made their marriage work, for the most part anyways. With Nate having to work two full time jobs just to pay the bills and put food on the table, Christine had to be a stay at home mom. They’d both had dreams of doing better for themselves, but with a young child to raise, it just wasn’t much of a possibility anymore. Nate hardly ever had time to be around for all the memorable moments of Alisha’s life, but the older she got, the more she understood why her father was always working. It was then that she set out to do what her parents didn’t get to do and make something of herself so that she could repay them for everything they did for her.

Dedicated to making her parents proud, Alisha focused hard on doing great at school, only bringing home grades the older Owens could brag about. She was a respectful, friendly, hard-working student. All her teachers adored her, and she could become friends with anyone she came across. Just watching Alisha grow over the years reassured Nate that the sacrifices he made for her were worth it. And the older she got, the more she wanted to help so that her father didn’t have to work so hard. With one of her friends’ parents owning a grocery store, Alisha started working for them after school, getting paid under the table just for helping them stock and clean up around the store for a few shifts every week. The money wasn’t much, and Nate wasn’t fond of his fourteen-year-old feeling like she had to help provide for their family so that he could get a break, but after a few months he was able to quit his second job, giving him more time to spend with his wife and daughter. Life only got better from there. She grew closer to the man, watched her parents truly fall head over heels in love with one another, and learned the true value of a dollar. The Owens might not have had much, but they were finally on the path to something better.

With neither one of her parents ever enrolling in college, they were determined to make sure that their only daughter took advantage of all of life’s opportunities. From an early age, they encouraged her to always try her hardest and do her best in school, and it truly stuck over the years. She was determined to give them all a better life, so she became notorious for working her ass off. Even when she had straight As, she’d be asking her teachers for extra credit, just to try to raise her GPA a little bite more. After all, she knew that there was no way her parents would be able to afford to send her to college out of pocket, so she would need to obtain as many scholarships as possible. By the time senior year rolled around, she was at the top of her class, and had multiple offers from a handful of colleges. However, it was Augusta University that won her over. She’d get to be closer to home, which her parents loved, she’d received more than enough in scholarships and grants to cover the tuition, and she even had a couple of friends from high school going there as well, so she was excited to say the least.

Alisha hadn’t been into the party scene in high school, yet as soon as she got to college, she wasted no time diving right into it. She’d spent so much time working and studying that she hadn’t known what it was like to let loose, or how much of a stress reliever alcohol could be. Joining a sorority was a little out of character for her, but she wanted the full college experience, so she gave it a shot. Definitely one of the best decisions she’d ever made! Living in a sorority house gave her plenty of excuses to party, yet she’d go camp out in the library whenever she needed to study for any finals. She managed to balance her social life and her studies rather well, yet her dating life? Nonexistent, at least the first four years of college. It was through her new partying lifestyle that Alisha discovered, and explored, her attraction to women. She had her fair share of random make out sessions at parties, but she hadn’t quite met anyone worth committing to. Things wouldn’t stay that way for long.

Content with her education being her first priority, it wasn’t until she’d accidentally bumped into underclassmen Charlie Wolfe that things changed. The blonde may have been a little younger than her, but Alisha was attracted to her instantly. A few dates with Charlie turned into her finally being ready to settle down with someone, and she couldn’t have been happier. With her streak of succeeding in her courses still underway, balancing a girlfriend didn’t seem hard at all. The only issue was that as time went on, they both seemed to be getting busier and busier within their programs, and it felt like they barely had time to spend together anymore. When she heard that Charlie and Sookie were moving out of the apartment they shared together, she suggested that her and Charlie move in together. It would give them more time to spend together, and since things had been going so well between them, it just felt right.

Obtaining her Master’s degree before Charlie finished her own studies, Alisha found an internship right there in Augustus so that she could continue living with her girlfriend. Things had been good between them for a little while — so good that after a brief discussion with Charlie about what their future together could look like, Alisha went out a purchased an engagement ring. She’d had it all planned out in her head: she’d take Charlie out to dinner to the same place they’d had their very first date, give some sappy speech about how her life had only gotten better since she’d met her, and then be totally cliché and get down on one knee. She couldn’t wait to have her girlfriend swooning by the end of that night, so everything that happened next was pure hell. With the ring hidden away at a parent’s house, Alisha had been waiting for the perfect night to propose. The only problem was that with a full-time job and Charlie being so busy with medical school, it was almost impossible to set aside a few hours that they both had free at the same time. It also didn’t help that even when Charlie found some free time, she was talking to Sookie. The nonstop video calls wouldn’t have been such a pain in the ass if her girlfriend wasn’t spending more time talking to her ‘best friend’ than her, or if she could even get some alone time with Charlie without the other blonde being mentioned. After a few months, her anger turned to jealousy, suddenly feeling like Charlie had actual feelings for Sookie. What other explanation was there for the woman she loved to be completely sidelining her for someone else? Alisha had best friends too, yet she never put them before Charlie, so she didn’t understand why the other woman couldn’t do the same for her. Once she hit her breaking point, that was it. Alisha packed her belongings and moved out. It felt like she’d wasted four years of her life on someone who had never been as fully committed as she was, and she was devastated. But her parents told her that she had to move forward, pick herself up and just focus on her career, so that’s what she did.

When her internship was up, the firm had offered her a job as a forensic accountant, and she surpassed all their expectations within her first two years. Her performance allowed her to attend countless conferences and seminars on behalf of the firm, and it was during one of the New York conferences that she found herself being offered a position at one of the best, higher paying accounting firms. It was an opportunity she couldn’t quite pass up, but New York was a long way away from her parents. However, she’d already helped move them into a much nicer house than the one she’d grown up in, and they were insisting that she stop worrying about them and do something for herself for a change, so that was how she found herself moving to New York. As much as she loves her job, she thinks she’d ready to get back out there and try dating again. Nothing too serious yet but playing the field after long days at work sounded like a nice way to enjoy the last of her 20s. She’s not sure if she’ll ever get to a place where she can give someone else her all the way she had with Charlie, but she’s open to it. And speaking of her ex, she’s heard that both blondes she now holds a grudge against are residing in New York as well, but Alisha’s been doing her best to try and keep her distance from them.

Pets: None yet

Charlie Wolfe: Alisha doesn’t hate her, but Charlie’s her least favorite person on the planet. Ideally, she would love to be able to forgive and forget, or at least move on to the point that she can be civil with Charlie, but she hasn’t gotten there yet. Deep down, she’s not entirely over the blonde, but the two not communicating has been gradually making it a little easier to let go.

Sookie Montgomery: When she initially met Sookie, Alisha thought she was sweet and someone she could have possibly gotten along extremely well with. But as far as Alisha’s concerned, Sookie is just as much to blame for the relationship with Charlie falling apart. She’s never been able to understand what it was about her that made her ex fall for her, or how she didn’t see the signs sooner, but it made Sookie a target for her anger as well. Although they haven’t seen or spoken in years, she’d be a little quicker to forgive Sookie than Charlie, but only if there were some sort of apology or explanation from the woman’s part in her relationship ending. Until then, Alisha is content keeping her distance.

EXTRA INFO

Alisha Owens/@ohalisha/career driven lesbian who’s probably much cooler on the ‘net than in person:

Five latest tweets:

@ohalisha: @netflix cancelling good shows because of ‘budgets’ is bullshit. hire me to get your funds in order! @ohalisha: the amount of aggressive women that have hit on me since i got to nyc has been surprising, but also flattering #keepemcomin @ohalisha: i regret working a 6-5 when i wish i could spend that time at a bar, or in someone’s bed @ohalisha: tfw half of the office is messing around with each other and you’re the only one who knows all the tea #callmekermit #staysippingthetea @ohalisha: coffee and live music are becoming my addictions, and i’m okay with it.

[dracox-serdriel]

Meta: The Genesis of Kylo Ren

Warning: Contains spoilers for both The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi.

The first two films have presented his origin and his catalyst, the thing that pushed him to the Dark Side. However, they have barely scratched the surface on the genesis of Kylo Ren.

Below the cut for spoilers, length, and sanity.

What We Don’t Know about Ben Solo (Hint: A lot)

The catalyst moment is described by both parties in The Last Jedi, but it’s crucial to keep in mind that we have, in fact, seen this scene from two disparaging points of view (and one other time when Luke lied to Rey about the events that unfolded). The truth is a three-edged sword: their side, your side, and the truth. We’ve seen Luke’s side and Kylo’s side, but don’t let that fool you into thinking that we know the actual truth of that night.

But what we do know about that night is that it was his catalyst. We also know his origin/family. While these are crucial elements of his genesis, it remains incomplete. The question everyone should be asking is Why did Ben Solo have so much darkness in him by the time Luke “reads” his mind and future?

Luke comments that it was worse than he imagined, but he doesn’t bother talking about why it was there to begin with. We don’t know how long Ben Solo had been training with Luke before this moment occurs, either. But there is this one exchange between Han and Leia that provides some illumination.

HAN: Every time you look me, you're reminded of him.

LEIA: Do you think I want to forget him? I want him back.

HAN: There's nothing more we could have done. There's too much Vader in him.

LEIA: That's why I wanted him to train with Luke. I just never should had sent him away. That’s when I lost him. That's when I lost you both.

-- General Leia and Han Solo in The Force Awakens

Apparently, Han is under the impression that there is “too much Vader” in Ben, as if the Dark Side has some kind of gene that skips a generation or something. Most noticeably, Leia doesn’t disagree with him... she sent him to train with Luke because of all that Vader-ness he had.

In The Phantom Menace, Yoda meets Anakin and says, “I sense much fear in you.” It leads him to question whether or not Anakin should be trained as a Jedi at all.

Yet.. what Anakin fears is losing his mother. For a young boy forced to leave his mother behind in slavery, fearing that he will lose her forever is perfectly reasonable. In fact, if he wasn’t afraid of such a thing, that would seem... well, weird. Who can love someone, leave them behind in slavery, and not be afraid of losing that person?

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

-- Yoda in The Phantom Menace

This seems... oddly unwise. Fear can lead to anger, certainly. But it can also lead to courage. Courage is persistence in the face of fear, not the absence of it.

And anger is hardly a bad thing. Anger is the emotion that flares up when something isn’t right. Experiencing anger simply means something is wrong. (And, in some cases, the thing that is wrong is your perspective.)

And let’s be honest here, nobody accidentally becomes Darth Maul or Darth Vader. Anakin became Darth Vader because he was desperate to save Padme and his children. You could argue that the reason was that he was afraid to lose his wife, but you’d only be half-correct. He was afraid to lose his wife, and he selfishly chose to betray everything in an attempt to save her.

Yes, it’s entirely possible for Anakin Skywalker to be afraid of losing his wife and not be an epic tool about it. The fact that he was afraid was not the problem. The fact that he recklessly and selfishly acted on that fear to the detriment of so many others was the problem. He was so afraid that he sought power to protect the ones he loved.

You don’t need to be a Jedi to make that particular error. And, what’s more, fear isn’t the only possible path to such a mistake. Someone could easily chose to seek power like that because they believe it is the only way to make the galaxy a better place. Sure, they might have to make a few... less then palatable decisions that essentially equal the oppression and injustice they (eventually) plan to rid the galaxy of. But that’s okay, because, once they’re in a position of power, that power can be used to fix everything.

The above paragraph describes pride. Hubris. Not fear. Yet fear seems to be the Jedi fall guy for the Dark Side... more so than all the other paths to putting power over the lives of others.

So, if we keep in mind that, according to Jedi Teachings, fear “is the path to the Dark Side” and, in general, blamed for bad/Dark choices... this changes our question from Why did Ben Solo have so much darkness in him by the time Luke “reads” his mind and future? to Why did Ben Solo have so much fear in him by the time Luke “reads” his mind and future?

What, exactly, did Ben Solo fear?

I’m guessing that there are a number of factors in play here, but the most obvious ones include the following:

Losing his parents, the people he loved most (echoing Anakin’s fears).

Not living up to either family name. He was both ‘a Solo’ and ‘a Skywalker.’ That’s a hellova lot of expectation for, as far as we know, the sole heir of both families.

His own power and abilities. Luke commented on the fact that Ben Solo had a lot of “raw power,” and it seems like Leia and Han both saw his abilities as... well, Dark and out of control. We don’t know how old he was when he went to train with Luke, but a young son who loved his parents would likely take their impressions/reactions (“OMG, he’s out of control...” or even “OMG, he’s like his grandfather!”) to heart at nearly any age.

Ben Solo’s Childhood

I’ve seen a lot of speculation (and some outright assumption) about Ben Solo being neglected as a child. Not on purpose, of course. It’s just... Han wasn’t around much (smugglers gotta smuggle, you know?) and Leia was obviously busy with politics and such. Ben got the short end of the parenting stick.

It’s possible, but neither of the movies establish this. In fact, they imply just the opposite.

Leia specifically says, “I just never should had sent him away. That’s when I lost him.” She’s not one to shy away from personal accountability. If she suspected that she neglected her son - that she hadn’t been there for him enough when he was young and needed her - she would’ve said that. Furthermore, later in that same conversation:

LEIA: ...I just never should had sent him away. That's when I lost him. That's when I lost you both.

HAN: We both had to deal with it in our own way. I went back to the only thing I was only good at.

LEIA: We both did.

HAN: We lost our son. Forever.

LEIA: No. It was Snoke. He seduced our son to the dark side. But we can still save him. Me. You.

HAN: If Luke couldn't reach him, how could I?

LEIA: Luke is a Jedi. You're his father.

-- General Leia and Han Solo in The Force Awakens (emphasis mine)

This conversation implies that Han returned to full-time smuggling, and Leia to full-time politics, after Ben Solo destroyed Luke’s new Jedi Temple (or, when Ben was sent away to train with Luke--which is when Leia argues she lost him). Sure, it’s possible they neglected their only son. Heroes aren’t perfect. But canon so far strongly implies that Han and Leia put their son before their careers, with at least one of them acting as a primary caretaker. (Otherwise, they wouldn’t have to “go back” to what they were good at when they lost their son because they would’ve already been doing it.) Unfortunately, despite their dedication, neither Leia nor Han could help their son when they discover he is Force Sensitive. Leia has some experience with the Force, and Han knows about it, obviously, but neither one of them ever had the “raw power” (Luke’s words) that Ben Solo possessed.

Canon strongly implies that Han and Leia raised their son, but they had no idea how to help him when it came to the Force. Two parents raising their only child find out that they can’t help him with a fundamental part of who he is (being Force Sensitive). It would be perfectly reasonable for them to feel helpless - even miserable - over something like that... to feel like failures as parents. And it would also be perfectly reasonable for Ben Solo to read that helplessness and misery as a rejection. To see being sent away to his uncle was a sign of him being somehow defective in the eyes of his own parents.

To reiterate: canon hasn’t stated Ben Solo was neglected by his parents. In fact, it implies that they were heavily active in his childhood.

Think about it this way. If they weren’t very active in his upbringing (he was raised mostly by people hired to care for him), then sending him away to a [Jedi] boarding school wouldn’t be all that surprising. It’s not that he would want to leave his parents, but if he doesn’t see them much as it is, then being shipped off wouldn’t really be that much of a change in the family dynamic.

But, if Han and Leia were active in his upbringing, then sending him away wouldn’t just be shipping him off to a [Jedi] boarding school. It would also be ripping away his foundation - taking away the two people he loved and trusted most - to go live with an uncle.

Which would be more harmful to young Ben’s view of himself and his abilities? Two parents that didn’t have much time for him, even though they loved him, sending him away; or, two parents that were always there because they loved him...  until, one day, they weren’t.

I argue that the second scenario is far more compelling and in line with what (little) we know from canon. The second scenario would definitely feel more like punishment from young Ben Solo’s perspective as well. (More on that later.)

This also explains why Ben has “too much of his father’s heart” in him. How could he have so much of his father’s heart if he never really knew the man?

SNOKE: There's something more. The droid we seek is aboard the Millennium Falcon. In the hands of your father, Han Solo.

KYLO: He means nothing to me.

SNOKE: Even you, Master of the Knights of Ren, have never faced such a test.

KYLO: By the grace of your training, I will not be seduced.

SNOKE: We shall see.

-- Snoke and Kylo Ren in The Force Awakens

Snoke seems very concerned about the fact that Kylo must face his own father. Which is odd, given that current objective is to acquire a map to Kylo’s uncle (to kill him) before Kylo’s mother and her forces get ahold of it. Kylo’s family is all over the place in this situation, so why does Snoke put such an emphasis on Kylo’s father a threat?

And, why does Kylo have to reassure his teacher that he won’t be seduced by an encounter with his father?

As far as we know, Han has been running around since he “lost his son” (either after the whole Jedi-temple-burning thing happened or when his son went away to train with Luke), smuggling stuff and generally getting into trouble. He has actively been avoiding the rebellion (“Leia doesn’t want to see me”), even though it’s pretty obvious that they could use a hand. Meanwhile (again, as far as we know from canon), Leia has been in the thick of the rebellion.

So, why would Kylo Ren, who has been fighting a rebellion led by his own mother, have any trouble leading an effort to steal something from his own father?

Canon is silent on the subject, but I believe that, as far as the movies go, Han Solo stopped smuggling (and whatnot) to become a full-time father to Ben and to support his wife’s career. That would mean young Ben Solo spent his formative years with his father as his primary caretaker. This would certainly explain why Snoke would be much more concerned about Kylo Ren facing off against his father despite the fact that he’s basically constantly facing off against his mother. This would also explain why Kylo has to reassure Snoke that his father won’t be enough to sway him from his training or commitment to the Dark Side.

And this explains Leia’s line: “I just never should had sent him away. That's when I lost him. That's when I lost you both” (emphasis mine). I said before, Leia is not one to shy away from personal accountability. She very specifically says “I” here - not “we.” She chose to send him away to train with Luke, which makes it sound like Han either disagreed or at least resisted the idea.

This is confirmed, in part, by Luke:

“Han was, well... Han about it. But Leia trusted me with her son.”

-- Luke about training Ben Solo in The Last Jedi

It seems like Leia chose to send Ben away, even though Han didn’t really want it. She said that was when she lost them both... which makes sense, if Han had given up his day job to be a full-time caretaker for his son, only to have that son sent away. He’d return to his day job, which meant traveling and being apart from Leia far more often.

Ben Solo’s Darkness/Fear

Why was there so much darkness in Ben Solo? Because he was separated from the two people he loved and trusted the most, punished for powers he didn’t ask for, and undoubtedly told that his fear of losing his parents forever because of said powers was an inherently bad thing (again: fear is the Jedi fall guy).

So now... he’s afraid of losing his parents, likely afraid of his own power, and afraid of being afraid of both those things. He was probably also afraid of letting his parents down, letting Luke/his teacher down, and not living up to the family name. He was probably also afraid of being afraid of those things, too.

I mentioned earlier that, from Ben’s perspective, being sent to Jedi school and away from two active parents would seem more like punishment. I believe this is important, because it frames his experience. He was punished for his Force abilities - first by his parents, who sent him away, and then by his uncle and teacher, who saw his power and tried to murder him in his sleep.

His living kin are all champions of the Light Side. But they aren’t his only kin.

It certainly makes sense that Ben Solo might see his grandfather, Darth Vader, as the one family member who could’ve understood him... Had he been alive, Darth Vader would’ve accepted Ben, even lauded him for the “raw power” he possessed, rather than punishing him for it.