#she also made me cry when i was asking her a question at her panel lmao

[huntedvideo]

okay since i'm once again obsessing over jody mills, here are my photo ops with kim rhodes from when i was going to spn cons lmao

[writing-for-life]

So, you mentioned something about Thessaly in a 90s context in one of your responses to another post, and I was wondering if you could expand on that. Because yeah, I have no problem with her *existing* as a character, because obviously she has a role in the narrative, but I highly suspect that her perceived role has changed a LOT in the intervening years since the initial writing.

As someone who first read Sandman in 2022, I figured that her character role was to get us to question what we think we know about Morpheus. Can we really trust that he's changed or improved, or that he's even all that likeable, if he's literally jumping into bed with this thoroughly unpleasant woman who likes violent murder *way* too much and also seems to be transphobic to boot?

At the same time, though, I got the uncomfortable sense that we were supposed to *like* Thessaly. In a sort of, "You go girl, be a #girlboss, let's show these boys we can be JUST as good at killing as them!" sort of way. Which I rationalized as "well, that probably was progressive in the 90s, but the idea of cold blooded violence and emphasis on the possession of a womb being feminist ideals has aged poorly."

So, yeah, I'm wondering if that is anywhere close to how she seemed in the "intended" context.

[As always: Send me asks about everything Sandman-related!]

This is such a good ask, and I feel there are a lot of bases to cover here. Not sure if I’ll do it justice, but here goes…

Disclaimer straightaway: I absolutely detest Thessaly and everything she’s done narratively, and I’m neither a Thessaly-apologist, nor someone who loves her as a character. But I think we need to discuss her with a bit more nuance than I see in lot of fandom spaces.

I think first of all, we need to look at:

Thessaly as a fictional character

As you already pointed out, she naturally has a role in the narrative. I also think parts of her role in said narrative are sometimes a bit misunderstood. One prime example would be the idea she never loved Morpheus. And yes, she absolutely always put herself and her own interests first, so from that angle, she loved herself more than she loved him. That doesn’t mean she never loved him at any point though. Many people quote her saying that she never did as proof that she didn’t. But what people say doesn’t always align with what they feel or do: She says at his wake she swore she’ll never cry over him again—and cries while she’s saying it. That tells us two things: She *did* cry because of him before. And she *does* cry now.

Again, she is a selfish, utterly horrid bitch, but she loved him at some point, and she was mad at him for neglecting her and not paying her enough attention. That’s when it turned sour (and we know how absolutely shit at communicating with women Morpheus is, so they’re both as bad as each other in that regard).

I see her as someone who is totally disconnected/dissociated from her emotions, to the extent that she probably really believes what she says, out of some deep-rooted fear of any kind of vulnerability. Why that is—we can only speculate, because Neil never went into it, hence nothing we assume will ever be canon.

What can be considered canon, however, is that Neil has confirmed the fact that she *did* love him at some point—most notably in the Sandman Companion:

Hy Bender: […] Of course, she’s lying when she says she never loved the Sandman.

Neil Gaiman: Of course; I think that’s made explicit by the final panel, where she says, `I swore I would never shed another tear for him’ while crying. But after he’s won her and then returned to his duties, he wasn’t enough for her anymore. She wanted attention; and when she wasn’t getting it, she said, “Right. We’re done,” and walked out on him.”

I’d also like to point out that the most trans-exclusionary prick in the whole of AGoY is actually George, just that he’s not a woman, and hence, no one ever seems to mention it (he’s actually the one egging Wanda on, not Thessaly). Plus, walking the moon road is maiden, mother and crone to a T, and consciously so. Foxglove is the maiden, Hazel is pregnant, and Thessaly is ancient. So Thessaly’s choice was also based on that, and the only one who Wanda really could have *potentially* replaced would have been Foxglove; she presumably never had penetrative sex, unlike Hazel (in the archaic definition of what penetration means, so we don’t need to argue about lesbian sex practices now). We don’t know that about Wanda, no matter if someone sees her as a man or a woman. I didn’t mean to get that explicit about maiden status, but I guess it *is* important in this context (although yes, of course Thessaly said Wanda is a man, and I’m not arguing that either, but I still think it was grounded in her belief how moon magic works).

Which brings me to a very important point: Thessaly is ancient. Culturally, we can’t compare her to someone who grew up in the 20th century, also with regard to her violent inclinations. She is thousands of years old. She’s seen it all. She has a fierce sense of self-preservation, maybe even rooted in some fears or trauma of her own. All not very nice character traits, no, but that’s not the yardstick, and probably was never supposed to be. I also remember Neil saying he consciously wanted to oppose neopaganism and the watered down, new wave witchcraft of the time (late 1980s/early 1990s, and that, I really remember), which was all about the “divine feminine”, female empowerment, tarot cards and incense sticks. I’m being a bit flippant now, but it isn’t far off. It was more of a trend than anything. He wanted to consciously oppose it with someone who would still act according to ancient, rather violent codes and rules. And Morpheus will have known those, and probably found them less surprising than we do (doesn’t necessarily mean he’d condone them either).

The fact whether Thessaly should make us question Morpheus in the comics is a tricky one. What she definitely *should* make us question is: Morpheus could have quite easily broken some rules in the Kindly Ones when Thessaly had set up the protection circle for Lyta, and the consequences probably would have been less disastrous than playing by said rules. And we can safely presume he knew. We are also supposed to question the same when he lets Nuala call in her boon and doesn’t just say: “This isn’t really a good time, can we do this later?” (and he absolutely COULD have done that), but actually follows through with going ,“Well, what gives, I basically grant you your boon now and leave the Dreaming, even though I know the potential consequences.” So yes, Thessaly is supposed to make us question Dream’s choices, but probably not the way we think. And for that, we perhaps should look deeper into…

Thessaly the TERF and Feminism in the late 1980s/early 1990s

This might get a bit longwinded, and I am showing my age here. I grew up at the intersection of second wave and third wave feminism, and as a bisexual woman, I made a lot of experiences during the early 90s that feel wholly aligned with the plot of AGoY (which was written during that time). I don’t want to write a whole essay about feminism here, but second wave feminism was on its way out in the late 80s. A lot of the bad associations some people have with feminism today stem from that time (not always justified, because a lot of good was achieved during that period. But parts of it in specific sub-communities—definitely problematic). Equality vs equity discussions within the feminist movement were dominating everything, and the divide between radfems and libfems was getting deeper. People like Audre Lorde IMHO rightly criticised that failing to understand that not all women start on equal footing, that not all women are the same, is problematic (so you could easily see how this is incorporated into the narrative of AGoY).

Second wave feminism wasn’t just about making sure women had rights. It was very much about “all of us can do everything men do, and we want the same a man gets”. It was all about the workspace (so often very white, CIS, middle class), not being at home with the kids etc (of course there were also other topics, but this one was really quite dominant). You could even see it fashion (massive shoulder pads etc). All the while, actually *being* a man was vilified (again, just in certain quarters).

So I feel you’re on to something with your #girlboss comment, only that I don’t think it was intentionally set up to like her, but rather as a criticism of what certain quarters of the feminist movement were like at the time.

Personal anecdote: I got that type of schtick from WITHIN the LGBT community at the time. Bi-erasure was big. And there were radfem lesbians that would actually tell you that being bi doesn’t exist, that you are basically a traitor to your “sisters” and just a lesbian who isn’t fully out. The same shite they used to criticise about men who would say you’re only a lesbian because you haven’t found the right guy yet. And here they went, telling you that you can’t be attracted to men if you’re also attracted to women.

Third wave feminism has a much stronger focus on the individual woman and what it means to be a woman to HER. This also included trans women, much more than during the second wave. Judith Butler’s work is actually exemplary for this (in essence, there is no such woman as “the” woman—we’re all different despite sharing common traits and problems. Trying to make us all the same will only harm us in the long run).

And with AGoY and Thessaly, we are exactly at the moment in time (in the comics) where that shift happens. I think Neil got it right for the time, and understood a lot of what was going on. Many people in queer communities felt really understood and seen, myself included. I absolutely see how that translates differently today. But it always saddens me when the historical context gets completely stripped away, and people don’t take the time a work of fiction was written into consideration and only measure it from today’s viewpoint. We can, and absolutely have to be critical if the TV shows fails to address these points and just translates everything 1-2-1. Which I am fairly certain won’t happen, because Thessaly has already been stripped off a lot of her obvious TERFiness in the Audible. I’m not even sure if we’ll get her in the show—we’ll hopefully find out.

Phew, that was long, I’m gonna lie down 😂

[ratcatcher2world]

I met ben barnes , jessie mei li and the cast of Shadow And Bone this weekend for the SAB convention 'ASOCAS3'.

For the first day I took my photo with ben. He was really super nice. When he saw my sweater and my hat, (merchandising his "Songs For You" EP" he said "wow , you look amazing". he asked me how I was. He gave me a hug as soon as he saw me. I managed to speak to him in English. I showed him the pose I'd chosen and he agreed straight away. He thanked me in French.

In the afternoon I had my selfie with him. Basically it was just a single photo and he took 2 (a simple one and a funny one).

Throughout the day, there were various panels with all the actors/actress.

The second day I had a total of 5 extras with ben and jessie.

I got my picture with jessie mei li . She loved my beanie with the grishaverse logo. She said i was amazing . And then my picture with Ben and Jessie. They were sweethearts, super nice. Just before the darklina photo, despite the stress, I managed to focus on Ben and asked him "can you wait a bit until I put on my beanie for the photo" directly he said yes. When he saw my beanie, he had a big smile on his face and said it looked cool.

I didn't get a chance to ask Ben my question at the panel, as a lot of people had gotten up to ask him questions.

In the afternoon there were selfie sessions with Jessie. She was really sweet with me. She took 3 selfies with me instead of just one.

After that came the autograph session. For Jessie it was quite quick as I had managed to get to the front of the queue.

Fun fact: jessie pronounces my first name correctly. When she heard how I pronounced it, she repeated it very seriously so as not to make any pronunciation mistakes. She was even very touched that I wrote her a letter. She looked me straight in the eye and said "thank you, darling, that means a lot to me". (So now I tell myself that Jessie has a bracelet that I made her).

For Ben's autograph, the queue was surprisingly quick too.

I asked Ben (with the help of the translator because i was very stressed), was he inspired by Billy Russo (his character in the Marvel series The Punisher) to play Kirigan. Since Billy and Kirigan have a lot in common .

He told me he'd been inspired by it, as they're very similar.

I waited until he had signed my book before handing him the letter I had written him.

He was really touched that I had written him a letter. He thanked me by holding my forearm, looking me in the eyes and saying "thank you, beautiful, that means a lot to me".

It really was the best weekend of my life. I don't regret a thing. I met some extraordinary people. I overcame my shyness a little during the weekend. I cried at the end of the closing ceremony because I didn't want it to end.

Another fun fact. Calahan Skogman was so touched by the presence of so many fans that he took out his phone during the opening ceremony to film us (so I'm probably in his phone). And Luke Pasqualino unfortunately had to leave in a hurry due to a personal problem. He still finished everything he had to do at the convention, and then went back to the panel room to thank us for our kindness, for the warm welcome he'd received from us, and for making him feel at home with all the fans.

There was also a problem with a couple who brought their children (one not even a year old and the other not even 6 months old). All this without protecting their ears).

There was also a problem on both days. With a "fan" who made Daisy Head and Danielle Galligan cry. Right after she made Patrick Gibson and Sujaya Dasgupta really uncomfortable. Patrick laughed but very nervously. They didn't answer the question, which was so embarrassing for them.

After that, she forced Calahan to do a pose for the photos that he didn't want to do because he was so uncomfortable. She pushed until he reluctantly agreed. Then she said he'd touched her inappropriately during the photo. Which isn't true, because the fans in the room and the organization's staff saw exactly what had happened and that she was the problem.

[elisysd]

Lover of mine – 5 Seconds of Summer

Masterlist - Previously - Next Chapter

When I take a look at my life and all of my crimes You're the only thing that I think I got right

Astonished. That was how Charles felt.

As light as a feather. That was the feeling of her lips on his.

A mirage. That was what Lyanna was.

“I’m so sorry.” She whispered against his lips before leaving as quick as she came, leaving Charles there, still trying to process what just happened.

He knew better now than to run after her. He could tell that she did not plan to kiss him, that somehow it just happened. That right now, she might be scared and panicking. Every fiber in his body wanted to go after her, to take her in his arms and to kiss her again. But he also knew that she needed her own space. She needed to put her feelings in order and he was probably the last person she wanted help from.

Still, he could not get rid of the feeling of having his heart ripped in two. A half for him and the other for her. Tonight, she had left with a piece of his heart, one he did not want back.

He slept really bad, tossing, and turning, reliving the kiss, and blaming himself for not reacting quicker. As a driver, it was something he usually was proud of. How fast he could react. He could have had hold her; she would have been trapped in his arms. And he would not have let her go. When his alarm went off, he grumbled. He still had to pack and he had to leave soon.

It was around ten in the morning that Joris came to his place to pick him up to go to the airport. Seeing his friend’s pale and tired face, he worried.

“Tough night?”

“Horrible.” Charles confirmed.

“Pre-race jitters, or something else?”

“Lyanna kissed me. And she left. I didn’t have the opportunity to properly say goodbye.”

“Oh, wow. Well, I certainly did not expect that. I would have bet you would have been the one to make the first move.”

“Thought so too. She beat me to it. But then she said sorry and she panicked. I asked her to come to Zandvoort. I will wait and see now.”

“Don’t you want to make a quick stop at her place?”

“Do we have time?”

Joris checked his watch.

“Well,I’d say we have 15 minutes top. If you take longer, we might have to go past the speed limits.”

That's all it took for Charles to head for the stairs, which would be quicker than waiting for the lift. He climbed the stairs one by one before arriving at Lyanna's door and banging on the wooden panel. No answer. Which didn't surprise him. He continued for another 5 minutes before the next door opened, revealing an old lady and her Chihuahua.

“The young lady left early this morning at around 4am. I know because I could hear her crying and dragging her suitcase. It made a loud noise in the corridor and woke up my little Floppy. What a naughty girl. If you see her again, tell her that next time I'm going to report her to the security guard.”

She was gone. For good. Without a backward glance. What could he have done to make her run away like that? Was he such a bad kisser? Charles asked himself a thousand and one questions. He wasn't surprised that she had run away, even if it disappointed him a little, he sincerely thought that they were past this. He knew she still had some inner demons to fight but he thought that he would be by her side to help her get through them.

So many incoherences he could not process. She kissed him and yet she was the one who ran away. If she kissed him, that would mean that she had some kind of feelings for him. He could understand that it could be frightening for her, considering what she went through during her previous relationship. But what he could not fathom was that she preferred to leave rather than talk to him. They were both adults, and first and foremost, they were friends. If the kiss was just a spur of the moment, because she was feeling emotional and it didn’t mean anything for her, fine he could put it past him. If she had some romantic feelings for him, it was also fine. Charles knew that he was feeling something more than just friendship, not being entirely sure that it was love. But his point was, they could explore their connection together. See where it could lead. Together.  He was ready for that and more importantly he wanted to.

He could have texted her to say all that, he almost did. But it was a conversation that needed to be made in person.

His thoughts occupied him throughout the journey. He was surprisingly quiet, only responding when spoken to. And even then, it was in relatively short sentences. His bad mood was evident in the days leading up to the race to the point that Fred, Ferrari’s team principal, took him aside to is driver’s room before heading for the first free practice on Friday.

‘You’ve been in a bad mood all the week, kiddo. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He replied sharply.

“I just want to make sure you have your head in the game, Charles.”

“Don’t worry about me and just make sure that this fucking car is actually drivable.” He snapped.

Fred didn’t say anything, only looked at him. He had a way of being with Charles that made him feel like a little boy. In many ways, they were similar. The same taste for winning, for hard work, for respecting teams, for honesty. He was one of the people Charles trusted most. Fred could read him like an open book, in his silences and in his eyes.

“I invited someone and I think she won’t come. That’s it.”

“So it’s a girl. She must have hurt you a lot for you to be acting like that.”

“The thing is… I’m not mad or even hurt. I think. I understand her, I know her reasons but at the same time I can’t help but be disappointed. I just want to see her; I want to know that she is okay but I don’t know where she is.”

“Well, if she makes you feel like that, she must be pretty special.”

“I care a lot about her, yes.” He confessed.

“Then I’m sure you will both find your ways back to each other. But for now, I need you to be fully focused Charles, okay?”

“You know that I will.”

The free practices went on relatively well. Not bad but not good either, something that Charles was unfortunately used to, and soon enough it was time for qualifying. Charles knew that this was his strong point, so he approached Saturday with a certain relaxed attitude. Even if his eyes lingered a little longer than usual in the crowd. On his way around the paddock, he spotted Pierre in the middle of a warm-up session with his physio. He approached her to wish her luck. As his best friend knew him all too well, he immediately noticed the Ferrari driver's deceptively relaxed attitude.

“She is not here. And Kika has not heard about her since our last dinner in Monaco.”

Charles swallowed. He had suspected it, but a wave of disappointment washed over him.

“If I have news, you’ll be the first one to know, okay?” added the Alpine driver.

“Thanks Pierre.”

With his head full of questions, Charles climbed into his single seater. In this environment, he always managed to detach himself from the rest of the world and enter his own bubble. Today was no exception, even if it was more difficult than usual. And so the qualifying session began. Charles took his time before starting his flying lap and he quickly sensed that something wasn't quite right. It didn't take him long to realise that there was an engine problem, forcing him to stop dead in the middle of the road. By the time he had extricated himself from the car, the smell of burning had caught in his throat.

The red flag brought Q1 to a premature end, placing Charles at the back of the grid for Sunday's start.

A few hours away from Zandvoort, in a childhood bedroom, Lyanna watched the qualification session and her heart ached for Charles. She arrived in her mom’ s home the day after that fateful dinner at Charles’ place, her eyes puffy and red. No questions were asked by her mom who simply took her daughter in her arms and tried to console her the best she could.

But seeing her little girl watching a car race when she never demonstrated any interest for the sport, she couldn’t help but get curious. Especially when Lyanna made a weird face when the commentator announced that Charles was out.

“Isn’t it the famous boy you were always trying to avoid talking about when I started questioning you about him when dating rumours came out?” she asked sitting on her daughter’s bed.

Lyanna nodded.

“Is he the one I should blame for making you come here, all the way from Monaco a week before you said you would come here?”

“It’s me. Who messed up, mom.”

And here she was again, the tears accumulating behind her eyelids.

“Oh my sweet girl…”

He mother took her in her arms, gently rocking her while Lyanna let the tears stream down her face.

“Whatever you did, I’m sure you can fix it.”

“I kissed him mom. And then I ran away. Like a coward, something I promised myself I wouldn’t be anymore. He taught me to be brave and how do I thank him?”

“Do you love this boy?”

“I… I don’t know. I like him, I care for him but what do I know about love?”

“If you care, then it’s enough. You don’t have to put words on what you feel if you are not ready.”

“I’m sure he hates me.”

“Did you talk to him?”

“I’m too scared of being rejected. I sure would reject myself if I was him.”

Her mom sighed. She was used to see her daughter so unconfident.

“You will never know, if you keep on avoiding him. And if he is smart enough, he will listen to you.”

“He is so great mom. He is funny, he is kind, he is brave, he cares about people. He helped me when I never asked him to, just because it was something that seemed normal to him. He is down to earth, he is loyal. He loves his family and is friends. He is perfect. Well not really, because sometimes he can be stubborn and he has a hard time knowing what limits are. And he doesn’t know how to cook, which is not a bad thing but I would not trust him in a kitchen by himself. And he can be cocky. But… he makes me feel good. And happy. And I really miss him.” She let out in one breath.

“Well, he seems like a great man. A great man for a great woman.”

“I don’t feel great right now…”

“You too are funny and kind and brave. You are the most hard-working woman I’ve met Lyanna. All the hardships you went through, all the battles you fought, made you who you are. You are strong, stronger than you think. You are bright. And I’m so, so proud of the woman you become and keep on becoming. And I’m not saying that just because you are my daughter. You are loveable, my Lya. And if this boy can make you feel like the happiest woman in the world, hang on to him. At least, talk to him. If it works out, then it could be the most beautiful thing in your life. If it doesn’t, then I’ll be there to fix the broken pieces of your heart, sweetheart.”

Lyanna could simply nod while hearing her mother’s words. She knew what she had to do.

On Charles’ end, the Sunday race was as awful than the qualification session. A DNF was just what he needed to end this awful week. Coming back in the garage, he did what he could to avoid photographers. He was annoyed and the first words he spoke as he entered the Ferrari garage were for the mechanics and engineers.

“Is it too much to ask to have one weekend, just one, of happiness or at least one without mechanical or strategic problems?”

But despite his poor weekend, he was pleased to see Pierre finish 5th just behind Russell's Mercedes.

At Alpine, the mood was a little happier than at Ferrari. Pierre and Esteban were celebrating their top 10 finishes, Kika taking videos as a souvenir, when the brunette saw a notification flash across her screen. Lyanna had just contacted her.

“I messed up. Again but big time, this time. I would understand if you didn’t want to help me but I just want to make things right. Is there a way for Pierre to get me VIP access for Monza next week? And please, not a word to Charles, I want to surprise him.”

Kika smiled and headed to Pierre to get him away from the team for a while.

“Lyanna texted me. She wants to surprise Charles at Monza.”

Pierre sighed.

“Is she sure? He is going to get a lot of attention.”

“She seemed determined.”

“Well then I guess, we will have a prestigious guest in Alpine’s garage next week.”

Kika quickly responded to the actress saying that Pierre would take care of everything. Even if Sunday was an awful day for Lyanna, she really hated to see Charles giving his all and not succeeding, she slept that day with a little smile on her face.

Monza, be ready. Here she comes.

=======

author's note: Did you really thought that I would leave this chapter drama free? 👀 How many of you want to smack Lyanna after breaking (once again) Charles' heart? How do you think Monza will go? Will Charles forgive her? Will he ignore her? Will he be mad? And how do you think Lyanna will act? I can't wait to have your reaction! Don't forget to leave a comment, or if you want to chat more of this story you, my DMs are open! Take care.

taglist @zendayabelova @purplephantomwolf @ru-kru @dakotali @blueflorals @aundercover @ruleroftheuniverse

[adorablenerdcat]

Crossroads 8/CR8

So we knew, as soon as Creepy Uncle Misha was announced as "headliner" (I use that term loosely obviously) that we were in for a Heller con. It's a shame that Creepy Uncle Misha running his lying, inappropriate, queerbaiting, crowdpleasing, showboating mouth has overshadowed the whole con but here we are. I paid for a pic and an auto from him, and I honestly wish I hadn't. The auto was a scribble and thank you, no interaction, no eye contact, no smile. Pretty much the same with the pic. He was the only celeb that was like this. It's like he only switches on when he's the centre of attention. Who knew?! (Oh, us. We did)

So I'm not getting into the crap he spouted, and I'm just going to give you my favourite bits from all the panels I went to and the celebs I met. I haven't laughed as much as I did this weekend in an age!

*Firstly, Mark Shepperd is an amazing human being. He's as gruff, rude, bossy, dry, funny and adorable as you'd expect. He told me off twice. I loved it! And I love him ❤️

*Same with Rob Benedict. Had a lovely chat with him about the podcasts and his and Ruth's baby. He sang Fare Thee Well and Creep in the final panel, it was goosepimply hauntingly beautiful. Utterly magical.

*Am now a little bit in love with Tomer Capone. He was humble, gorgeous, funny and an all round lovely guy. Gives amazing hugs too!

*Karen Fukahama was tiny and gorgeous. She's really funny and I adored her. Such fun on her and tomers panels. Cannot wait till Season 4 of the Boys. No spoilers, but it sounds EPIC!!!!

*AlCal was also a lovely hugger! I asked for a Jack wave but he decided we were hugging instead so that was a bit special. Also felt quite sorry for him in one of his panels as there was some kind of weirdo who asked him if he'd found a black feather...very strange and stalkery.

*Jim Beaver was exactly how you'd expect him to be. He called me darlin' on multiple occasions. Life made lol. His panels with Steven Williams were one of the highlights of the weekend. Those two need a podcast together. So so funny.

*Cindy Sampson was my biggest surprise. Wasn't overly keen on Lisa at all in the show, like many people. Cindy is a bloody joy. She has no filter, just like me! She was brilliant, loved meeting her.

*Special mention for hilarity goes to the start of the Alcal, Rob and Creepy Uncle Misha panel. In passing, someone said "oh no, he didnt". If you know anything about the British, you'll probably know what happened next. (If you don't, Google British pantomime!) It descended quickly into a traditional panto back and forth, but our US friends had no clue at all what was happening. Bless Ruth for educating Rob in our cultural heritage, he was able to explain it to the others. Left most of the audience cry laughing.

Anyway, I'm knee deep in conflu so I'm about to go to bed, but any questions at all about the con, please ask! Even if you just want a chat, I'm around x

[raphmona]

How did Ramona become your favorite ship and how did you become a hardcore Ramona shipper?

I guess it was just instinct. I knew I found something special when I came across RaMona and my love for it just grew as the years went on.

It all started when I was watching one of Black Nerd Comedy’s TMNT videos on YouTube. He was doing a ninja turtles Q&A and someone asked him if he would ever like to see Mona Lisa in the 2012 series. He agreed that Mona should return and called her “Raphael’s lady”.

Note: This was in March 2014, over a year before Mona Lisa was introduced in the 2012 show in November 2015

I was very new to TMNT at this time, with the 2012 series being my introduction, so I had very little knowledge of the franchise and other versions, but I was a sucker for romance side plots and my curiosity was peaked. So I did some digging on YouTube and found the 1987 episode “Raphael Meets His Match” and I watched it. This was my very first episode I ever watched of the 87 series and I fell in love with Mona Lisa and especially her relationship with Raph. I loved how well her personality clashed with Raph, snarky stubborn sass with even more snarky stubborn sass. I squealed when she called him a doll and kissed his cheek. Him assuring her that he thinks she’s beautiful warmed my heart and them reuniting by the end of the episode was so sweet. You can image my disappointment when I learned that was her ONLY episode and she never came back. So I relied on fanart and fan comics of her, hopefully waiting for the return of this ship.

For those who don’t know, back when the 2012 series was running there were A LOT of fans who would constantly email/DM the producers and writers of the show on social media, asking them to bring Mona Lisa into the 2012 series. I will admit I was one of those fans 😅 I never harassed them like other fans did, but I do remember commenting on their instagram post regarding the topic once or twice.

Also funny fact, apparently Sean Astin (2012 Raph’s voice actor) was also one of those people. He constantly kept on asking Branden and Ciro (the producers) when Raph was going to get a love interest, cause he saw every other turtle get a GF except Raph. Angry turtles need love too! XD

Fast forward to August 2015, San Diego Comic Con, at a TMNT 2012 panel, they announce that Mona Lisa will be coming to the series in the upcoming season 4 as a warrior from an alien planet. I fangirled so hard that night when I watched the panel on YouTube! I was squealing so loud and dancing around my bedroom! I was so happy I started to cry! My OTP was finally returning!

It was 2012 RaMona that sealed the deal for me. After watching their first episode “The Moons of Thalos 3”, I fell in love with them. Raph falling for her because she punched him in the face is both hilarious and adorable, and also (strangely) very in character for him. His “what a woman” line made me squeal in excitement. Their first kiss, I couldn’t help but cheer. I didn’t care about any other ship except for them. To actually see a happy healthy couple with little to no problems in this series was a breath of fresh air. I never cared for Apritello, Leor*i I was questioning (that’s a whole different can of worms I’m not getting into now), I didn’t care for Capril, and though I liked Renetangelo I wasn’t crazy for them. The more Mona appeared in the show the more my love for the ship grew. Them constantly flirting or making out in the middle of battle, how trusting they are of each other, how supportive they are of each other in combat, and even their biggest road bump with Lord Dregg they were able to over come, with the cherry of that episode being Mona confessing her love to Raph. Even when back on Earth, Raph still thinks about her, loves her and stays loyal to her. In truth, Mona made Raph a better man. Them reuniting in season 5 kinda leaves us with an open book because now we get to decide what happens with them now that they are on Earth together. I just know from the look they gave each other at the end of the episode as they held each other in their arms that they will be living happily ever after 🥰

We only ever see this ship in a hand full of episodes in the 2012 series, but it was enough to show me and the audience how happy and healthy this couple is compare to the other ships. I love them. I adore them. I want a relationship like theirs one day. I wanna find my Raph to my Mona. I want to continue to see this ship in other versions of TMNT in the future!

I will stand proud and say that I am the captain of the Raph x Mona Lisa ship! 🫡💞

[winderlylandchime]

Hello and happy new year, i hope you’re doing good and that you had a good NYE.

Here are just some highlights from what you’ve missed in the latest episodes of ‘My brother is an idiot’.

In case you wondered how we spent NYE, let me tell you that originally we were gonna go to a bar with our neighbor and socialize but she got sick, so my brother changed plans and made her watch 3x08. That’s right, he calculated when to watch the episode so that Britin reunion happened exactly at midnight. We entered 2024 with Lover’s spit, ngl it was both amazing and impressive. And the clock went midnight right as the song started/their iconic reunion happened and we all yelled ‘AYYYEEEE HAPPY NEW YEAAAAR’ He also showed her 3x14 and not to anyone’s surprise, the ending still makes him cry.

Also a very important update: THE CAST IS OFF!! He walked out of the office and literally put a fist into the air like a dumbass and then looked at THE ENTIRE WAITING ROOM, pointed to his fist and went ‘I’m back, baby!!’ And then to me ‘I almost put that Proud song on to play it so I could walk out all dramatic and put my fist in the air like in that movie.. But I’m too fucking traumatized by that song cause of the finale so just imagine it for the experience okay?’

Btw our dad is coming in on Wednesday so that he can spend some time with us and then go home with my brother. So naturally my brother has spent the last day and a half going through episodes to decide which ones to show him. I fear my dad might strangle him when he realizes he’s being tricked into watching qaf. But i am curious what his reaction is going to be and which episodes he picks.

And the most important thing that I actually thought will be avoided: about 2 days ago, I left him at 10.30 pm to go to sleep. He was reading fan fiction and at the same time watching fan videos of Gale and Randy which…okay, go off. Please try and guess what the fuck happened next because i can guarantee you, you’re gonna be wrong.

He came into my room and woke me up out of nowhere and i asked what’s up, thinking it’s some emergency. And i can see on my clock that it’s like 4.45 am and he’s crouching next to me, holding the laptop, turns it towards me to show me some random site while almost blinding me and then whisper yells at me ‘this Hal dude is or was a fucking prick! What the fuck did Gale and Randy ever do to him? And why the fuck did those two old dudes hate Randy?!’ And then he just got up and walked out (leaving the door open because of course) and just says to himself or me ‘they did nothing and he’s acting shadier than a fucking palm tree!’ I woke up the next day, genuinely sure that I dreamt that and I come to the living room and he’s in the same position as I left him in and he goes ‘oh this dude is lowkey annoying, i just read this post from a convention and he doesn’t know how to let other people talk, why did he answer a question about gays and his gay friends when Randy was asked as a gay man? And I didnt know those writers sucked so much, they looked like they got along at that gay panel but apparently they hated each other? By the way do they still do these conventions?’ All this was said to me in one long ass breath, right as i woke up. Felt like a fever dream ngl. He was practically bouncing off the walls because of how much coffee he drank because he stayed up all night reading up on Gale and Randy and anything qaf related he found. He even found old Gale interviews from The Advocate and later found out Gale was also in a motorcycle crash and he texted that to our mom saying that clearly that means they’re soulmates of some kind and she just replied ‘or that you’re both stupid <3’

He said that after he finished his fics, he started watching videos and then he went to check bts videos and interviews and he looked all that up and got war flashbacks because they just asked whatever they wanted in the old 00’s tabloid era. And that somehow lead to him finding a link to a fan forum or something and then he just spiraled. He said that when he saw Hal being shady, it was either wake me up and tell me OR wake up our parents..

oh and during this all nighter he also put together a playlist that he named ‘Bri Bri in a nut (ha) shell’ and it’s songs from the show that he thinks fit Brian best. So now he goes back and forth between the playlists depending on his mood and how much he misses Brian. I created a monster and you all helped me. Thank you very much

Dear sweet anon!

I am so sorry for the delay in responding. I haven't been on tumblr because the new stuff at my job is cutting into ALL MY PRECIOUS SCROLLING TIME.

(And fic writing, so sorry everyone!)

NGL I am high key impressed that he figured out how to time the episode so that Lover's Spit was playing when the clock struck midnight. That is some dedication. What time does one need to start the episode for that to happen?

Congratulation to your brother on getting the cast off! I'm so glad he can return to making the ally fist.

But oh nooooo, he has fallen down the rabbit hole of the bts and what has been shared and pieced together and what can be observed. But couldn't he have sent you a voice memo rather than waking you up?

I'm curious if he has any fic recommendations for the fandom? And, also, what is in his Bri Bri playlist?

I like your mom's response to your brother's belief that both him and Gale being in motorcycle accidents makes them soulmates. Maybe they could be soulmates for another reason. Your brother could kiss Randy, for instance.

I hope your 2024 is lovely so far! I can't wait to hear your dad's reaction to being ambushed with QAF.

[kitsquared]

I’m gonna cry. The middle panel… aaaa :’)

Anyways I’m all caught up now! It has some similar feelings to A Wrinkle in Time to me… but it’s been a long time since I read it so I might be misremembering. Caught the Wizard of Oz and Watership Down quotes though! That was cool. Anyways thanks a lot for the recommendation!

I’m really curious how you first heard of it, and what drew you in! I personally really like the way the artist is playing around with the medium. The stylistic contrast, even within the same panels at times, is so visually interesting! Yeah I guess I’d just like to hear what you like about it :D

Yess these panels <3 :') :') I'm soo .. !! They are so dear to me.

And his attachment to her has grown so much since the time she initially backed away from his held out hand after the first encounter with Negative (and he was bleeding cyan then too). His concern and attentiveness to her is so much more...softer. Because it is her.

I have read a Wrinkle of Time but also so so long ago so it didn't click for me but I can remember some things such as the different dimensions and that love was the thing that saves the little brother right? Just as having amour protects our dear Hero :)

Yess the references here and there are so fun to catch!

And oh gosh how I heard of it? Haha I've been following the creator here on tumblr cuz of their art and stuff but it did take me a while to start tpoh tho. (Be in the right mood thing 🤧)

But wow. First of all. I immediately had many many questions when RGB asked if Hero wanted to be a hero. But she immediately said yes. No questions. Followed along this brightly colored tv-headed guy to this world above the clouds ?? So I'm curious with her. Of her. Of RGB.

Then when he started explaining that certain entities are Lies, Doubts, Fears. That they use dreams and nightmares to fight and help heal. That she can get carried away with an Idea. I fell in love with that concept of creating this world that utilizes emotions and concepts and made them tangible and representative of the world. It took me until Hero literally exclaiming what their world was for me to realize it tho lmao but my gosh doesn't that make everything so much more amazing when u think of all the elements, the characters who are realized and those searching for inspiration and waiting for their story. It's so amazing to think about.

And I am so enamored by the characters, not just Hero and RGB. I am glad the other's are still part of this story even if their time as the hero ended.

And of course the art! Ofc ofc. I agree, the way the medium is played and utilized with how it's also part of the plot! Amazing. And it's gorgeous, too!

Yea I love this story a lot. I'm glad you got into it, too! <3

[ekebolou]

Kostas: To War

Heya! Have a story from far in the future of this timeline.

I was just thinking about it, because there's two ways the Kostas story gets extended - one is the Academy Days storyline, and one is what happens after they get settled in Adineh. This is a story set in that Adineh period, but its an interesting thing to choose to put in here out of order, because so much of what happens in Adineh is working through the events of the war and the novel. So it isn't, like, a happy time. Things aren't easy - not for a long while.

But this is a happy story. Which of course means it happens right before more unhappiness. Because such is life. But it's nice while it lasts.

Also, because it's so far in the future, I reserve the right to adjust the canonical details. I mean, I had to pick names, and I hate picking names, I am bad at picking names, so particularly I reserve the right to never use these names again and or use them again willy-nilly. It's my party, I can cry havoc and release the dogs of war if I want to.

enjoy

“It doesn’t… quite… fit.”

Doubly disarmed – Nika had not been expecting such a response, much less… well, this. Thought had made him blind to the room, though he resisted it. He had been on the edge of brooding, a thing he had gotten very good at. He wondered if, when he was younger, he had ever been so prone to brood.

But being older, he could slide up off the Adineh couch before he quite knew what to say or think, and walk around to where Cole stood in front of the silvered panel on their wall. The gold behind the glass added a distracting warm distortion to all the colours reflected in it. Nika put his back to it – so luxurious it was useless, exactly the stupid kind of thing the Ambassador received as a token of honour put in her cast off rooms – so he could survey properly. Nika ran his hands down the front panels of the uniform, then took over where Cole’s hands tried to pull buttons to buttonholes and gave it a gentle tug.

“Did you keep this?” But even as he asked the question, Nika knew that was not the case – it was not the same uniform under his fingers.

“I’ve developed a belly,” Cole said, in perhaps faux disappointment.

Nika patted that belly briskly. “Then I have done my job.”

“My love,” Cole gently seized his face and kissed a cheekbone, “if I had eaten your cooking from the start, I would be dead.”

“That is unfair,” Nika said, but Cole had released him and was observing his own movements in the mirror, to see how bad the fit was. “My cooking was serviceable, on the basics. I am now… somewhat skilled.”

“The spice alone would have sweat the meat off my bones,” Cole said absently, mockingly flexing his arms in front of his body. “I thought perhaps the exercise would have trimmed me back down some, at least.”

“What exercise?”

But their youngest had appeared in the doorway, and seeing at once the opportunity, launched herself into the ring of Cole’s arms. Roaring (gently, they were indoors, after all), Cole seized her around the waist and hefted her over his head (to her more outdoors shrieks of delight). Hands seizing all the slack out of the Adineh-style robe she wore, he spun her around, then raised and lowered her like a trophy overhead.

Nika felt a flutter in his chest that was hard to ascribe to emotion when just witnessing Cole’s actions reminded him of his brooding thoughts. His body hurt too much – that it hurt at all meant this was different. This would be different. He wasn’t yet sure what that difference meant, but it was so far from the confidence he felt, freshly graduated, in his skills. Could he go to war this way?

He tried to distract himself with pleasure that Cole’s timidity with their children had worn well off. Cole swung their child down as if threatening to smash her face into the floor, then back up over his head, all while she hollered a five year old’s imperfect pronunciation of an Ainjir war ballad about tearing off heads and drinking blood or something equally barbaric.

No doubt he would be restrained again with their next (‘if they had a next one’ that evil, brooding voice reminded him) when it was small. Nika thought most of his hesitance was that they were small. And that he was inexperienced. But now Cole was experienced. And of course he was good father (most of the time, when he listened to Nika).

“Faith ‘n the Prophet, child, you must burst your lungs stretching them so,” Meria, hands over her ears, came in to lure their child away, but Cole fed into the child’s ploy and refused to give her up.

“My Good Father” – these oaths! These Adineh-Midraeic-Ainjir oaths drove Nika crazy (oh, should they like his oaths, Meria had argued, and Nika had to shut up; he was at least trying not to teach his children to curse as Catillia had taught him) – “what is that you’re on? Is that the old uniform?”

“No, sweet progenitor,” Cole said, laughing (Cole teased about the oaths, which at least avenged Nika some as it drove Meria crazy). “I had this one made, though I’ll have to have it made again, I see.”

“Made again,” Meria approached and gave the edges of the coat a tug, one eye squinting shut. “Not a need, with a good tailor.”

“I just so happen to know one,” Cole said. Picking up their child like a suitcase, he handed her (horizontally) over. “Shiemat’, your mother yet has business with you, I can tell.”

Wriggling like an eel, their little girl brought her wide-eyed face toward him, half out of her mothers’ arms. “What uniform? What’s this?”

‘What’ was easily her best- and most-often-pronounced word, along with why, how, when, and then what again. By then, however, their eldest had either sensed the near-revelation of information (as such precocious children always did, damn them), or been drawn by the commotion. He stood near the doorway, just enough out of the shadow in the hall to be seen. Now almost nine, he looked startlingly like Cole, strung out over slightly too-long and growing limbs, but with enough of a touch of his mother to be uncannily dissimilar.

Cole assured Nika that, in fact, he was a lot like Cole had been at that age, but such reserve and quietude was so unlike the personality Cole had cultivated that Nika worried about him. Unhelpfully, Cole said that he should worry – he knew himself at this and the next ages, and there would be watching to do (but, he always said, as if it helped - this life was different, things would be fine).

Rather than whatever joke had been on his lips, Cole’s eyes flicked to their son and he said, “We are getting ready for the trip we’ve been planning. This is part of it, but there’s time yet before we go,” and then he leaned down and went ahead with his jest to their daughter. “Don’t I look dashing?”

“You look big,” she said, perfectly seriously.

“And you look small, my precious one,” he straightened up and nodded to Meria, who hauled Shiemat’ away still shouting half-formed questions. He walked to the door, but their son had snuck away as well, perhaps not yet ready to continue the conversation. Cole slid shut the door and sighed.

Though he saw the whole process, Nika still almost flinched when Cole touched his cheek again.

“You’re half away already.” He turned and stood in front of the couch, holding his arms out again. “How can you help me fit my jacket if you’re half away already?”

Nika felt himself grimace. “Why are you fitting the jacket? Where did you even get a jacket! This is made,” he walked forward to handle the edge of the fabric again – it also smelled new. “You didn’t make it.”

“I didn’t have time,” Cole said. “I didn’t even have time to fit it, I just drew up the patterns based on the old jacket for the tailor to follow and I’m afraid I should have re-measured. The allowances will make it easy to fix. But what do you think?”

He stepped back again to give Nika space to look.

“I can’t believe you had the whole thing made without a fitting.”

“Well, there wasn’t time,” Cole protested, turning to show that the shoulders fit fine. “And I really thought I would trim down some.”

“Some? Doing what? This exercise you speak of – taking walks with your friend in the market, making fun of the nobles?”

“I’ve been following your practices,” Cole said casually, as if it weren’t an enormous revelation of how Cole spent his time.

Years ago, when he had started the practices with an Adineh swordmaster, such spying would have infuriated and embarrassed him, so it was disarming to be so astounded yet not feel furious. Then again, the practices had done just as they had hoped they would, and given Nika access to his body through something other than the scars of torture. It helped that it was nothing like Ainjir swordplay, all heavy blades and cutting – this had lightness, speed, and thus a lot of stretching, and thin blades that didn’t stress his joints.

He watched Cole move; LOTS of things had gotten better after that.

“Only recently, though. That fancy Adineh bladework is probably not for me, but the exercises helped me refine my swordplay forms. Yours may need to be cut differently to support the different style, don’t you think?”

“I think…” but Nika was again caught as if by beast leaping up from the back of his own mind. “I think it is too soon.”

He pressed fingers over his eyes – that wasn’t what he meant, but like the brooding, it was as if his language was regressing, back to his first days at Academy when he could hardly put the words together, much less in the right order. Which was ludicrous.

Cole had simply waited for him to open his eyes again, then he looked, head slightly cocked. Nika looked back, desperate to be searched.

“Look,” Cole said, he stepped forward, and guided Nika’s hand over the detailing on his coat. “It can’t be the same – we’re going to support Guy and Aodhnait, but we can’t be confused for fighting for them. It’s mostly similar colours. The details are all in different places, the cut is different. I’ve also avoided adding in Adineh elements, except the materials – which, Fortune’s favour, I don’t think any of the soldiers will notice but are so much more comfortable. The feel will astound you.”

Nika grimaced again. “I can’t wear this.”

“No,” Cole agreed. “Nothing’s made yet. I’ve drawn something up, though. You can look at it. It’s not the same.”

“I can’t…” a wave of nausea struck Nika, which, thankfully, only made him angry, rather than run for the chamber pot, “…the Comidri colors…”

“No.” Cole’s eyes narrowed, and he turned his head, as if the image was too much. “Whatever you choose, I don’t think that’s desirable. I have… suggestions, but I don’t think it will end up feeling very much the same, even if it has some of the same look. We don’t want you to look like the enemy.”

“Nor am I a friend,” Nika said. “I think they should have found some other way.”

“You know they would have if they could,” Cole said. “At least, Guy would have.”

“Why didn’t the Prince? The whole thing is stupid.”

“The King,” Cole corrected. “No point in fighting if he’s just a prince.”

“Whatever,” Nika said, waving a hand between them.

“And, obviously, it’s a roundabout way to lure me back,” Cole said, moving Nika’s hands from the jacket to his waist, “for seduction.”

“Eha, seduction,” Nika scoffed. “Who is seducing you? What do they get out of it now? Only a few children.”

“A few but excellent children,” he said, moving closer again, “whose number we can discuss adding to when we return.”

This was an old argument, and Nika knew it was in some sense a way to distract him without distracting him. Cole had grown smooth, now they fought like dancing. Though Nika couldn’t help but think it was half because his body no longer allowed him to fight like they once had, a thought which fed the despair he kept feeling at his back.

“We shouldn’t leave,” he whispered to Cole, knowing it was some other kind of thought, not quite his own, but no less true. Of course they would go – they had been called on. Or, rather, Cole had been called on. And Nika knew the reasons and he knew the worth of the fight, and he knew, as well, that Cole would not go unless he went, and Nika would not go if he didn’t think it was right. Unfortunately, it was right.

It had taken DAYS to work that all out, but it had happened. His reactions had been stronger than he expected them to be. But then again, this time he wasn’t being forced into the fight. He wasn’t being chased down and seized in the night by war. This time he had to choose to go.

That didn’t make it better.

Cole held him, and he felt everything under the jacket, arms working underneath to wrap around Cole’s waist.

“No,” Cole said, “we probably shouldn’t.”

But, but, but. They both knew what they were doing and why. Though it wasn’t the same – they were not the same – the whole calculus had changed. And yet.

“But we go together,” Cole said, and kissed him.

It was a lingering kiss, and when Cole released him, Nika said, “Eha, what will they think? A returning glorious general and a traitor?”

Cole smiled at him. “They’ll think whatever I tell them to think.”

They parted and Nika sighed, sitting back down so he could lie on the couch, relaxed, and watch as Cole prepared to take apart and fix the jacket on the table in their room.

“That’s why I had the jacket made,” Cole continued, absently, as he assembled the tools for his work. “And that’s why you’ll pick how yours looks.”

“Why I will pick how it looks?”

“That’s the difference, my love,” Cole said, sticking a blade in his mouth as he prepared to unwork the seams. “Them, I command. We will work together. Besides, when could I ever tell you what to do?”

That was a good point; Nika felt it, as he felt the difference, both ache and strength, in his bones as he watched Cole work. Yes, that was different, too. This time, they went to war together.

[winningcombination]

TALES FROM BIG TEXAS COMICON 2022

On Sunday, me and @redheadlesbianweirdo went to Big Texas Comicon as respectively Leela and Fry! I was gonna style the wig over one eye to make it so just one was showing, but that fell through… so I had four eyes instead of one eye. 🤓

And guess who was there…? BILLY WEST!

He did a one-hour long panel and I got to get up and ask him a question!!! When I got up there, he looked at me and said, “Have we met somewhere before?” 💜👁 So cute!! I asked him about how the voice acting landscape had changed, now compared to when he first started out. He said that currently he’s frustrated by stunt casting and how roles will get cast by people who are famous instead of people who can actually do the job. Ain’t that the truth. He also talked about being on the autism spectrum and how he considers it a superpower that helps him do his job, and that he thinks that everyone who’s autistic has a superpower of some kind. It made me happy to hear him talk so openly about that!

Some anecdotes I think you’ll enjoy…

He told two stories about Katey Sagal that were very sweet, and also made sure to point out that even though she’s a famous superstar, she is 100% the right, capable person to voice Leela because her voice is so distinct and she’s really talented. His dislike of celebrity culture is well-known but obviously doesn’t apply to every celebrity ever!

1) He talked about how great of a singer she is and told the story of how she invited him and their castmates to go see her band play one time. She sang a cover of a song that he said used to make him cry back when he was younger, and when she asked what he thought after the show, he said she made him cry too.

2) Another story: one time, he was at a juice bar on Rodeo Drive when Katey burst in the doors, turned to him, and said “Billy, you gotta help me!” Outside the doors were a bunch of nasty paparazzi. She hid behind him and he turned to the paparazzi and lifted up his shirt and stuck up his middle fingers (and demonstrated this for us). He said he thought it would make it into tabloids with headlines like “Fry Saves Leela!” But it never happened. The photos are floating around out there somewhere, though.

Also— he had a green and black checkered Tanjiro backpack with him up on stage. A congoer got up and asked him if he liked anime and he said that he didn’t know much about it, but that he had been in a few, and asked if she had seen Bad Grandpa because he was in that. I LOST IT at that. She recommended he watch Demon Slayer and he said he’d check it out.

His panel was great and Ash has some footage she’s gonna post! We weren’t able to go to his booth and get his autograph because we just barely missed him 🥲🥲 He had a flight to catch and left while we went to get some cash from an ATM. But I WILL meet him formally somedayyyy… SOMEDAYYYYY!!!!

[hologramcowboy]

Watching the main panel from Sunday the last question which was about Danneel got me thinking. The way Jensen has been talking about her lately with saying she constantly criticizes him do you think it’s a cry for help from him? I mean in the beginning of their relationship shoot even the beginning of their marriage he had never said things like that. After the pandemic he started saying things like he did in the panel. I know she said stuff to shade him before the pandemic. But then he could escape cause he had filming or cons to where he was surrounded by friends to help him forget. But when the pandemic hit and everyone was locked down he was basically stuck with her for a year. I don’t think she is abusive physically but she definitely is mentally. I think during the lockdown she got worse. So soon as he could Jensen started accepting all these roles no matter how small the part was so he could be away from her. Doing that he didn’t really deal with what is going on. So he says the things he does about her as a defense and a way to ask for help. I think he is in a way scared to come right out and say how she really is to him. I mean if he would have done that anyway no one would believe him. When it comes to men people sadly think they can’t be abuse victims. Look what happened to Johnny Depp he told the world Amber abused him. No one believed him and she made it like she was the victim. Johnny ended up losing roles because of it. It’s just now that he is finally getting his life and career back on track. I think Jensen doesn’t want that happening to him so he tries to joke about it. But secretly he is hoping someone around him recognizes it as a cry for help. I mean we can see that his attitude and body language towards her changed. It makes me wonder if those around him notices this or not. Sorry this is so long but that is why I think he says what does what do you think? 

There is a sense he is afraid to be confrontational, therefore, he airs things in passive aggressive ways by using those stories. Devaluing someone is extremely toxic behavior that leaves a powerful psychological toll so I hope Jensen has professional help if he plans con continuing his relationshit with Danneel.

People are noticing the disharmony between this couple and it's not just the fans but also people from the outside.

Jensen is powerful on his own so I don't think he subscribes to the victim mentality in any way, I think he tollerates certain things no one should, except he can't process them and then asks for help by telling those stories. It's a very convoluted dynamic and I hope, for his sake, that he has the right people in his corner. Because, no matter how strong or well meaning someone is, devaluing and similar behavior will still take its toll and erode wellbeing. This is exactly why anyone who supports Danneel is toxic in my book. Because if they truly cared about Jensen's wellbeing they would recognize she is toxic to him.

[luveline]

Hiii I literally love you and your writing especially your Eddie writing!!! Anywaysss, could I request a shy!reader where they and Eddie are dating but they kinda kept it on the down low but reader was having a bad day and was being all clingy and like everyone found out and the hellfire club was just like 😮

hi i love u ty for ur request! hope this okay ♥️ shy!fem!reader | 1k words

You know you shouldn’t go to his club. It’s not fair of you. Hellfire is one of his sacred nerd rituals. As soon as he sees you like this he’ll put it on pause, and you also know – one of the only things you do know about Dungeons and Dragons — that stopping in the middle of a game interrupts the flow.

Still. You’re feeling a little selfish and a lot strung out. Today has sucked and all you’ve done is wish he was there to make you feel better, so you walk down the hallway to the club room and stand at the door, trying to summon the courage to open it.

On the other side, Mike Wheeler catches a flash of your clothes through the small glass panel and frowns. He jabs Dustin Henderson hard in the side, earning a, “What the fuck, dude?” that Mike quickly shushes.

“There’s a girl outside,” he says.

Girls are… uncommon, at Hellfire.

Dustin leans forward to look around Mike’s torso and forgets to whisper. “Is she crying?”

Eddie looks up, annoyed at being interrupted by the newbies and about to delve into a speech on respecting your dungeon master when his gaze slides past them. He spots your torso, your hands pulled up to your chest, and he knows it’s you. From the curve of your arm alone.

He’s half standing when you knock.

The rest of the group gawp as he stands. Usually, Eddie would either ignore whoever it is or have someone else answer, and his sudden willingness is downright shocking.

He cracks the door open. He’s barely had time to take in your tear stained cheeks when you’re whispering apologies. “I’m really sorry,” you say quickly, pulling the sleeves of your soft cardigan down over your hands. “I needed to see you.”

“What happened?” he asks, trying for hushed like you but missing the mark.

Mike and Dustin make incredulous faces at each other, eyes squinted in confusion.

“Who the fuck is that?” Mike asks.

Lucas Sinclair grins from across the table. “Who do you think?”

“You know her?” Dustin questions. He sounds pissed to have been kept out of the loop.

“Nope,” Lucas says, elbows sliding over the crinkling paper of his character sheet as he pulls in his chair. “I’ve never seen her before in my life. But that’s definitely his girlfriend.”

A handful of laughs from around the table. “Yeah, right,” Gareth says.

Lucas leans in even closer, practically conspiratorial as he points to Eddie’s dirty-white sneakers. “Look, see how close they’re standing?” When nobody looks convinced, Lucas glares. “I know what I’m talking about!”

He really does. The toes of your shoes are a hair's-width from Eddie’s, face to the ground as you scrub your wet cheeks. Telling him about your bad day has made it somehow feel better and worse, and your breathing comes shallow.

“I’m sorry,” you say again. “I know you’re playing your- um, your game.”

Eddie glances over his shoulder. The large majority of the group whip their faces back to their sheets, caught. He shoots a scowl at them all, though any annoyance slips away when he turns back to you. You look so sad.

Eddie doesn’t really think about it. He steps out into the hall and lets the door close behind him, arms wrapping around you placatingly. “Hey, it’s okay.”

“It’s been a really shitty day,” you say hoarsely.

“I know,” he murmurs, rubbing your back. Your shoulders tremble under his palm. “You should’ve found me earlier.”

“I didn’t want to ruin your game.”

“You haven’t. They’re on break,” he promises.

It’s a total lie but he couldn't care less about the campaign, not when you’ve come unraveled. You nod into his chest and worm your shaking hand around his waist, squeezing so tightly it aches. His head tucks over yours like it was made to and he wills some stillness into you, perturbed by your shuddering. He hates when you get like this. You're so wound up you can’t calm yourself down.

Inside the club room, there’s a riot of whispering, some quieter than others.

Lucas sits back in his chair smugly. “Dude, you have a girlfriend. You shouldn’t be so surprised,” he says to Mike.

Mike peers through the glass door with a mild disgust. “Me and my girlfriend don’t do that.”

“That is not true.”

“We don’t-“

“No, they really don’t,” Dustin agrees. “They’re too busy trying to swallow each other.

Anyone who’d been listening starts to laugh, worse when Mike’s cheeks flare red and he flips them all the bird. The laughter quickly dies when the door opens and Eddie returns, his sad maybe-girlfriend trailing behind him.

“Someone get a chair for Y/N,” is all he says.

You look like you might burst into flames on the spot. Everyone’s eyes are on you. You hate it.

“Thank you,” you say, though you aren’t sure who you’re thanking as somebody passes you a chair. Eddie sits back in his ‘throne’ and you sit beside him, cheeks dry but eyes still red and face downtrodden.

Eddie leans back and rolls his eyes at the silence. “She’s my assistant for today's session,” he says concisely, before any of them think they have the right to ask.

Eddie can’t hold your hand and you don’t think you could survive it in front of so many people, but when the game starts back up and everyone is distracted he pushes his foot behind your calf and pulls your leg toward him. There’s a smile on his face as he orchestrates the next dungeon, his pen scratching down notes you don’t understand.

He rips a page from his notebook and passes it to you covertly.

You take it and let it lie against your thighs. When you read it, you struggle to suppress a giddy smile.

Prettiest assistant ever. Think she'll let me take her out tonight?

He likes his chances.

[radiosilenced]

i am thinking about the emphasis on platonic relationships and love in alice oseman's novels.

you have solitaire, where the tagline is literally "this is not a love story."

there's radio silence, with the incredible relationship between frances and aled PLUS frances slowly opening her social circle to others such as raine and daniel. honestly i could talk about frances' journey there for hours. maybe i will sometime.

then you have i was born for this with angel and juliet meeting after being internet friends, plus the playing around with the difference between being a fan of a group and only seeing their personas that they share with the would vs knowing them personally.

and, of course, there's loveless, which doesn't only detail georgia's journey with discovering that she's aro-ace, but also places so much emphasis on the platonic relationships in her life. i haven't stopped thinking about the conversation that she had with rooney asking georgia to be her special person which i just reread and it made me cry. and the whole "your song" grand gesture where georgia asked pip to be her college wife and just pip, georgia, and jason's friendship in general.

even heartstopper! which is probably the only book in the osemanverse that is actually considered to be a love story in the romantic form of the word. the webcomic is about nick and charlie's relationship, but it's even more than that with the paris squad — which is the reason why volume three is my favorite so far. they were all there for nick when charlie wasn't doing well and the whole gang have such a great dynamic. even with minicomics, we see that they never lose touch into adulthood! they still have group chats where they talk about dogs and charlie's new haircut and everything. in a recent virtual panel with adiba jaigirdar and alice, somebody asked a question about friendships in high school and their books. one of them (i can't remember who) mentioned that friendships in high school are often friendships of convenience, but they still matter then. and we see that with heartstopper, they all still keep in touch, which is really reassuring to see as someone who is about to leave their hometown for college.

anyway! i kind of lost the thread, but my point is, platonic relationships in alice's books!

[humanwheatleyslefttoenail]

why do you ship chell and glados if glados is basically her mom

Okay this is actually a pretty common misconception in the fandom that unfortunately a lot of people have taken as canon, but I’m feeling nice so I’ll answer your question.

Basically, anon is referencing a theory from around 2012 that Caroline is Chell’s mom. The evidence for the theory is as follows:

- The turret opera calls Chell “bambina”, which means “little girl” in Italian

- Chell’s name can be found on a Bring Your Daughter To Work Day science project

- GLaDOS references the possibility of Chell being adopted multiple times

- GLaDOS is significantly nicer to Chell after discovering she’s Caroline 

And, anon, you’re right, it does sound like a pretty good argument at first glance. The problem is that a lot of these points don’t actually hold up to scrutiny.

For example, although “bambina” literally translates to “little girl,” it’s often used in the same way “baby girl” is used in English - it can mean child, but contextually it’s usually a flirtatious term. (Source: Cambridge Dictionary)

For Chell’s science project, it doesn’t work as evidence for the theory because GLaDOS killed the scientists around 1998-ish, when Caroline had presumably been uploaded several years earlier and Cave was already dead. Also, Chell’s in her 20′s, and since we know from Lab Rat/Portal 2 that people don’t age in stasis, and that Doug put Chell at the top of the test subject list only weeks after the takeover, Chell was 28 at the time of the takeover. The science project is really only an Easter egg and doesn’t actually fit into the canon timeline let alone prove anything about Caroline and Cave. 

GLaDOS talking about Chell being adopted is a pretty strong point, I’ll admit, but also it’s important to remember that maybe half of what GLaDOS says is true. And even if we take what she says at face value, she also says there’s a man and a woman in stasis with Chell’s last name, which could not have been Cave and Caroline because they were already dead at that point. And the official book Final Hours Of Portal 2 confirms Cave and Caroline were not married and could not have shared the same name anyway. It was also the 50′s, an an unmarried couple of two likely famous people having a child would’ve been scandalous, and yet we see no hint of something like this affecting their company. 

Also, although GLaDOS is nicer to Chell after the Caroline reveal, that’s not necessarily indicative of a mother-daughter relationship, and neither is any of their interactions. It’s just. GLaDOS being friendlier. 

Finally, when this theory was made (and let’s be honest - it still is happening) Chell was constantly whitewashed to hell and back. 

Chell is Japanese-Brazilian, and Cave and Caroline are white, so it would be a near impossibility for her to be their biological child (and insisting otherwise is kinda. just. whitewashing). And although people will cry “adoption!”, based on what I’ve previously proven, that’s pretty much impossible. This theory that somehow she’s Cave and Caroline’s daughter erases an important part of her identity. [Disclaimer, I am white, but this is what I’ve heard from around the fandom]

With all that said, the idea that she’s the daughter of Cave and Caroline really doesn’t hold weight when you really analyze the canon. It’s surface level analysis that doesn’t hold up. And honestly? The idea kinda cheapens the story. It’s much more powerful that GLaDOS learns to care about Chell and becomes kinder than just. Oh, she remembered she’s related to Chell. 

But to actually answer your ask. 

Why do I ship them?

Well, they aren’t mother and daughter, I think that’s pretty obvious now. But if you actually look at a lot of subtext in Portal 2, without the lens of the mother theory, it’s actually pretty romantic! 

I know that sounds ridiculous, but bear with me!

Now - it’s totally okay if you don’t ship them. I get it. Their interactions in Portal 1 and the first half of Portal 2 are toxic if not outright well. Y’know. Murderous. I completely understand why that turns people off from shipping them, and ultimately, shipping is a personal thing. To each his own. 

But before you judge me, let me present my case.

Exhibit A: Portal 

Portal is kinda gay. No, really. Chell and GLaDOS are enemies in this game, but the entire focus is on their relationship (good or not) and the power struggle between them. They are opposites, two sides of the same coin, different representations of opposite ideologies. People have analyzed Portal as a relationship metaphor, or as a metaphor about women’s role in society - either way, the heart of Portal is the complicated dynamic between Chell and GLaDOS. 

That’s not necessarily enough to code a romance, but a lot of popular (and especially popular queer ones) ships begin with opposite ideologies, symbolic powers colliding. Portal cements their relationship as a toxic one, something on the verge of falling apart and hurting both parties in the end. The ending image, of Chell and GLaDOS side by side after the battle, reinforces the symbolic parallels between the two. 

The companion cube is also pretty symbolically important to this interpretation. It’s literally a representation of someone’s heart, and you are told to protect it and preserve it under GLaDOS’ orders, and then you have to destroy it regardless of how you actually feel about doing that. You are destroying GLaDOS’ heart, so to speak. 

There’s also the ending song, Still Alive. The lyrics speak for themselves.

They hint that GLaDOS’ feelings about Chell are more complicated than they may appear (if she’s not being sarcastic...) and she literally talks about Chell breaking her heart (also, think back to the companion cube. Yeah.). The entire song is structurally similar to many a breakup number, with the laments of “I’m glad it happened, but also leave.” 

At the end, we also see that the long promised cake GLaDOS was supposedly lying about was real the whole time. Before Portal 2 came out, it was mostly interpreted as a stinger ending (along with the nicer lyrics of Still Alive) to make you question GLaDOS’ true motives and intentions.

She actually did have a real cake waiting for you. (Side note - not really evidence, but in Argentina, “torta” means cake in Spanish. It’s also a slang term for lesbians. So. Do with that what you will). The cake is what GLaDOS offers you to lull you into the sense that she cares about you, so discovering that “the cake is a lie” wakes you up to the realization that she doesn’t. Except then the idea is subverted one last time, at the very end, showing that the cake is real and at least some of what she said she meant. 

You also see the companion cube. You know, GLaDOS’ symbolic heart?

Now, okay, you might be thinking I’m extrapolating a bit too much. And you might be right. But Portal is not the only game in the series, and if you’re asking me about Cave and Caroline you obviously know about Portal 2.

Exhibit B: Portal 2

If you thought Portal was gay, Portal 2 turns that up to 11.

Even before GLaDOS wakes up, you’re treated to some visual subtext. A few of Rattmann’s drawings representing the events of Portal 2 focus a lot on the relationship between GLaDOS and Chell, with more of the cake symbolism.

In this, you can see a face layered on top of GLaDOS. This could be foreshadowing about Caroline, and likely is, but also resembles his other drawing of Chell. It insists that Chell is a part of GLaDOS, or reinforces parallels between Chell and Caroline, hinting at something either way. 

In this picture, we also see Chell standing on top of GLaDOS, in the same position where the overlay of the feminine face was, again referencing the parallel. It also presents them as opposites, fundamental parts of the same thing and both connected to the same basis, but on opposing sides. 

When GLaDOS wakes up, she returns to her antagonistic role, but there are more hints to something deeper just like in Portal. 

Here, in her awakening lines, she references Chell not unlike an estranged ex. Also worth noting that GLaDOS is pretty much the personification of testing (in a sense, she is testing since she can control all of Aperture like an extension of her body), and insinuates that Chell loves to test. And that she reciprocates that feeling.

In test chamber 10, she says this:

It’s supposed to be threatening, but it does read as almost... sentimental. 

There’s also another chamber with companion cubes in Portal 2. I already talked about their symbolism in Portal, and the same pretty much applies to them here. However, GLaDOS says something interesting about them during this level:

Once again, meant to be intimidating, ends up coming off as “well, GLaDOS, why were you going to give Chell a heart shaped representation of yourself that says ‘I love you?’” And you might think I’m stretching the GLaDOS’ heart metaphor thing a little far here, and I might agree, if the companion cubes didn’t literally sing Cara Mia for you. 

Cara Mia is the turret opera from the end of the game, which is all about how much GLaDOS cares about Chell. More on that later. But the companion cubes play a song called Love as A Construct, and when you get close to them, they sing a specific part of the song that has the tune of Cara Mia. These things literally exist to sing about GLaDOS’ feelings. 

Which makes this line a lot more. For lack of a better term. Tsundere-ish.

Then, right before the escape, she starts talking about the confetti from her fake surprise. 

I really don’t have to explain this one. What else does GLaDOS consider an inconvenience but might miss anyway? Or, more aptly, who else?

Then, during the escape, she teases a (fake) final test chamber in front of you, and forms the panels in the shape of a heart. No, really. 

Up to this point, a lot of the points I’ve presented are interspersed with a fair amount of antagonization on GLaDOS’ behalf, more Foe Yay than anything actually hinting at something deeper than GLaDOS being conflicted about whether she loves or hates Chell. But things really ramp up after Wheatley’s betrayal, when the two of them are forced to team up. (I should also note here that “enemies to lovers” is a pretty classic queer romance trope.)

Here, GLaDOS is put on an equal level with Chell and they have to rely on each other if they want to survive. For the rest of the singleplayer campaign, GLaDOS becomes a lot nicer and even friendly to Chell. There comes a point where she starts referring to Chell as a teammate, calling them “we.” She begins to consider them one unit, two opposites unified. Here’s what she says after the lemon rant:

You can not only see her using we, but actively talking about how her and Chell are going to fight Wheatley together. There’s also that last line - “let’s explode with some dignity.” GLaDOS has fully accepted the very likely possibility that she and Chell might die together. That she might die on the same level, and the same team as Chell. And she seems... surprisingly okay with that, as long as she and Chell go together. 

It’s during the Old Aperture levels that Chell and GLaDOS also discover that they have a lot in common. This is the part of the game where GLaDOS figures out she’s Caroline, that she’s human. Or, that she’s like Chell. And Chell discovers (from what we can tell anyway) that Caroline is kind, that she’s funny and smart and so many of these things she never noticed about GLaDOS before. Now also with the knowledge she is fighting alongside another human being. 

You can also draw parallels between Chell and Caroline, both intelligent women ultimately betrayed by their seemingly innocuous male friends before being trapped in Aperture and forced to team up with one another in a way that will free both of them. We see that really, GLaDOS isn’t that different from Chell - she too has been imprisoned in this place against her will, but in a completely different way. Once again, the idea of two sides of the same coin applies here. 

I’ve written another meta about this before, but I also think the whole idea of repressing a part of your identity and hating it, before bonding with another woman and then realizing that it’s okay to be like her and to be on her side. It’s okay to be yourself and meeting her is what helps you discover this new part of yourself. Is kinda inherently gay. GLaDOS’ discovery of her own humanity just fits so well into a queer realization narrative, to me at least.

Then, Chell and GLaDOS escape Old Aperture and have to get through Wheatley’s tests. 

Here, GLaDOS isn’t just begrudgingly on Chell’s team. She’s actively helpful. She wants to help Chell solve tests, defends her from Wheatley’s insults, and makes jokes to lighten the mood. Things that can really only be explained by her caring about Chell, especially the part about the insults. See below.

After the two escape Wheatley’s testing track, right before the boss fight GLaDOS has a few other things to say.

GLaDOS is not going to betray Chell, because of some kind of conscience. But she could easily ignore that back in her body, and yet? Here she’s deciding not to, and for no good reason. She didn’t have to say that to Chell, but she did, because she cares and she wants Chell to live.

And then, moments before the fight:

The final lines imply that GLaDOS does not think of Chell as an enemy anymore, and that it doesn’t matter what Chell thinks because they are in this together and they are getting revenge together. It’s pretty heartwarming to be honest, to know that even in a fight that will almost certainly kill you, she is there rooting for you and caring about you, even if you don’t feel the same way about her. It no longer matters to GLaDOS whether you even reciprocate - you staying alive, you making it through is enough for her.

So Chell fights Wheatley and sends him into space, all well and good, and at this point, GLaDOS has the option to kill Chell. But not only does she not, she actively saves Chell, and holds her hand in the process. If you don’t believe me:

And not only that, but when Chell goes unconscious from her injuries, GLaDOS sits and waits for her to wake up. It’s also implied that GLaDOS carries her to the elevator, since it’s where she wakes up but not where she passed out. In the scene where Chell blacks out, you can also hear the part of Love As A Construct that sounds like Cara Mia. Yeah. Yeah.

If you think that this cannot possibly get any gayer, you are wrong again, because then GLaDOS makes her final speech. Which is really just a love confession, let’s be honest.

The “surge of emotion?” Do you mean love, GLaDOS? And the idea of GLaDOS considering Chell her best friend, despite everything these two have done to each other? The idea that GLaDOS, out of all people, forgives someone?

Except this isn’t even Chell’s final send-off. GLaDOS writes her an entire opera of turrets, that sing a literal love song. (Note what I said earlier about the use of the word “bambina”).

It really can’t get any more obvious than that. “My (affectionate romantic term here), my dear, I adore you.” How. Is. That. Heterosexual. In. Any. Way.

So Chell goes to the surface, set free by GLaDOS (think of the saying “if you love something, set it free), and you think that’s the end. Until GLaDOS gives you a companion cube so you aren’t alone on the journey, and from the burn marks, you know it’s your first companion cube. Her original heart, her first gift to you, a piece of her that she wants you to carry with you to remind you that she does care about you after everything. It also gives the lyrics to Still Alive a much more genuine meaning. 

Portal 2 ends, and then the ending song, another GLaDOS number plays. Just like Still Alive, Want You Gone is structurally a break up song and very obviously about GLaDOS missing Chell and “counting on” (read: caring about/loving) Chell’s tendencies and quirks. 

She’s accepted Chell completely, and yet also given Chell the one thing she wants most. Only wanting Chell gone can mean GLaDOS not wanting Chell in her life anymore, but can also mean she wants to give Chell the freedom she’s wanted for so, so long. It’s the best thing she can give.

In the co-op campaign, GLaDOS also references still caring about Chell.

And that’s the end of the Portal series. Except. Brace yourself. Despite the games being over, there is STILL more subtext somehow. It gets. Even gayer.

Exhibit C: Supplemental Evidence

Valve has made a lot of extra/cut content for the Portal series, and I’ll be looking at some of it below.

This official valentine from Valve shows GLaDOS offering a romantic partner cake, which as we’ve established before, is very symbolic of GLaDOS’ feelings about and/or relationship with Chell. 

There’s a lot of other concept art and official art that emphasizes their relationship too. See below.

There’s also some cut GLaDOS lines that are even gayer than the source material and again, sound like confessions or references to a breakup:

The idea of “discovering things about someone”... how much more obvious can it get?

The developers have even confirmed a lot of my commentary on Chell and GLaDOS’ relationship in The Final Hours Of Portal 2. See these quotes from the book/this post:

The devs literally describe it as a romance. They use terms like “cheating,” they wanted to write a romantic duet, JoCo purposefully wrote the endings like love songs. It is literally, blatantly said by the creators of the game that their relationship is interpreted romantically. By the creators of the game. 

And if Word of God confirmation isn’t enough for you, have a song written for a cut alternate ending by GLaDOS’ voice actress, Ellen McClain. The song is literally nothing but GLaDOS talking about caring about Chell, about not wanting her to die/leave GLaDOS alone, about wanting to bake a cake with Chell, about waiting for Chell to wake her up. It’s so genuinely sweet and sad, and really, really romantic in the most heartwrenching way possible. 

JoCo also came back for the Portal levels in Lego Dimensions, writing one final breakup song for GLaDOS to sing about Chell. It comes off as GLaDOS not wanting to admit she misses Chell even though she obviously does, trying to replace their relationship but failing, and even explicitly forgiving Chell/wanting her to come back.

Also, the “finally I understand,” as if only now GLaDOS understands just how deep her feelings for Chell are... What else can I say?

In Lego Dimensions, GLaDOS also outright rejects anyone who isn’t Chell.

In Conclusion:

Why do I ship Chell and GLaDOS? 

Well, ultimately, it doesn’t matter whether I ship them. 

Because I think it’s glaringly obvious Portal does.

[todomitoukei]

Japanese vs. English Todoroki - A 302 Comparison Pt. 2

With volume 31 coming out tomorrow, we now got these leaked panels that have been added to chapter 302 and will be included in the volume release. And because we’re all impatient, I decided to already do a translation for them and talk a bit about these panels. If you haven’t already, you can read my translation comparison for the whole chapter here, which I wrote after the chapter originally came out, so this is gonna serve as the continuation of it with only the new lines included and explained.

First of all, we get these panels:

「ねえ。今何が見えてるの。その目をやめて。その目をやめて。その目をやめて」

「ねえ ; nee 」-> hey

「今 ; ima 」-> now

「何 ; nani 」-> what

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「見えてる ; mieteru 」-> can see

「の ; no 」-> question marker particle seeking an explanation

「その ; sono 」-> that

「目 ; me 」-> look; stare; gaze

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「やめて ; yamete 」-> stop

= “Hey, what can you see? Stop that stare. Stop that stare. Stop that stare.”

This is an incredible addition - maybe Horikoshi read @transhawks meta on the importance of eyes in the Todoroki family and felt inspired to go back and add even more of that into the chapter.

I believe those panels will be included towards the end of the argument between Touya and Rei; at least considering the Touya panel is from that scene and would explain the panel that originally followed showing Rei, more importantly, her eyes -

These new panels seem to explain why seeing Touya stare at her intensely like that terrified her so much. It’s clearer now - although it should’ve been clear before already but obviously, Horikoshi knows his audience - that her near-mental-breakdown-expressions when looking at Touya or when looking at Shouto during the accident, are all triggered due to the abuse she was facing, with those eyes reminding her of Endeavor, her abuser. Again: No, she was not suffering due to the devil incarnate Touya, as some would like to claim. This is all the result of years of abuse and the stare is what triggers her fight or flight response the most.

Next, we get this part (picture on the left is the volume release; picture on the right the original version):

「私じゃ止められない」

「私 ; watashi 」-> I

「じゃ ; ja 」-> topic marker particle

「止められない ; tomerarenai 」-> cannot stop

= “I can’t stop.”

While Rei’s line is the same as before, referring to the fact that she can’t stop Touya from going training and holding on to his desire to become a hero, the panel is completely different. While before we only got a glance of her eye (as seen in the highlighted section in the right picture), which already showed us that she was crying and absolutely terrified - this time we see her whole face, which emphasizes that terrified feeling even further. What’s more important, though, is that Horikoshi added a panel and line for Endeavor right after:

「おまえがやれ！俺は見ない！！」

「おまえ ; omae 」-> you

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker

「やれ ; yare 」-> to do (imperative form)

「俺 ; ore 」-> I

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「見ない ; minai 」-> won’t watch

= “You, do it! I won’t watch!!”

As simple of a line as this seems to be, I’ve been thinking about the meaning of it all day. First of all, it’s important to note that Japanese doesn’t exactly have a present tense, but rather a non-past tense (there is also a present progressive tense to indicate something happening/being done right now). The non-past tense can be used for the present and the future so minai can mean “don’t watch” or “won’t watch” depending on the context.

So I’ve been thinking - going back to the whole eye theme, we also have Touya say “watch me” over and over again, even now as Dabi, he continues to tell his family to watch him. He tells them because he doesn’t feel seen. Endeavor even told Rei (in the original version already) that she shouldn't take her eyes off Touya and that he hired someone to help out because he was too busy with work. Even when Rei told him that Touya just wants Endeavor to see him, Endeavor’s response to this is that he can only show him the world of heroes. With that in mind, this line now not only shows that he can't see him, but that he won't. That’s why he tells Rei “do it!” after she tells him she can’t stop Touya. Endeavor won’t allow her to give up. She has to do it because he won’t. He outright refuses to watch Touya despite being asked to on multiple occasions.

Moving on to the present and the family discussing their situation we get this small change here:

「。。。あなたは行かなかった」

「あなた ; anata 」-> you

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「行かなかった ; inakatta 」-> didn’t go

= “...you didn’t go.”

The only difference between this line then and now is that it leaves out そして (= and then) at the beginning of the phrase.

And finally, the change we all knew was coming is the timeline error that was in the original version of the chapter, where Rei was saying that Touya disappeared before she was hospitalized. As announced by the official bnha Twitter account shortly after the chapter first came out, the timeline as stated by Fuyumi in chapter 250 is the correct one. So now in the volume release, we get this line:

「私は病院に隔離されそして燈矢の事を聞いた。。。完全に心が壊れてしまった。。。」

「私 ; watashi 」-> I

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「病院 ; byouin 」-> hospital

「に ; ni 」-> at

「隔離され ; kakuri sare 」-> to be isolated

「そして ; soshite 」-> and then

「燈矢 ; touya 」-> Touya

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「事 ; koto 」-> incident

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「聞いた ; kiita 」-> heard

「完全に ; kanzen ni 」-> completely

「心 ; kokoro 」-> heart

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「壊れてしまった ; kowareteshimatta 」-> was regrettably broken (壊れる+しまう)

= “I was isolated at the hospital and heard about Touya’s incident… my heart broke completely.”

As mentioned before, a verb + shimau means either that something has happened completely or regrettably and since the word completely already appeared in the phrase it’s obvious that this is something regrettable (if it wasn’t obvious from the content of the phrase); showing that losing her son and not having been around him at the end really hurt and probably even made her blame herself for not having been able to save her own son.

And I’m assuming it will replace this highlighted panel:

Aside from getting the timeline error fixed, we get some additional panels and lines that highlight even further just how terrifying it was to live with Endeavor and that Rei’s breakdown was caused by him and not one of her kids. The state the family is in right now and the whole Dabi situation - all of that is a result of a selfish man who couldn’t even be bothered to look at his own child; whose own insecurities made his whole family suffer and continue to do so even now. It was the terror in his eyes and his inability to use those eyes to just see his kid that got them to where they are now, which additionally shows exactly what needs to be done to fix this mess: for them to finally see Touya.

[moririki]

⤷ MORE THAN YOU'D BARGAIN FOR

DENJI X READER -> 1.7K
when it comes to a fool blinded by love, it sure hurts to have the short end of the stick

REQUEST -> ✰
CONTAINS -> angst, friends with benefits‼️, happy ending bc i'm weak like that, denji not knowing how to process emotions, very loose college!au cos i'm lazy, makima being slightly antagonised because fuck her, mentions of sex but nothing super explicit i don't think
MORI'S THOUGHTS -> thinking about denji's hands. i want to learn how to animate manga panels now so i can do a csm edit. also the writing style got kinda boring im SORRY

HEARTBREAK WAS ALWAYS BOUND TO HAPPEN IN THESE SORT OF RELATIONSHIPS. anyone with a pair of eyes and ears could give a clear answer to the question "who does denji like?" and no matter how much you wanted that answer to change, it would never be you.

even when the blonde boy had been so insistent on his heart belonging to another, he still had urges. so under the influence of one too many bottles of alcohol, it was a fairly easy decision for both of you to fall into bed together. more than once. more than you'd care to admit.

being with denji was nice. he was funny, sweet at times and vulgar during the others, and you found yourself repeating a mantra of don't catch feelings for your friend during your time together. and truth be told, it was hard not to, even when you and denji had finished your business and the topic of conversation always seemed to make its way back to makima.

it left a bitter taste in your mouth when denji acted like nothing had happened between the pair of you in other settings. the bitterness turned sour when you realised that there was no reason for him to have to either, and you cursed yourself when you realised you had done the worst thing possible and gone and fallen for your friend who so clearly wouldn't like you back.

but there were times where you thought that you just might have a chance.

even though your cursed your heart for fluttering and rearing its head each time so willingly at denji's mercy, you couldn't help but take every offhand action of his as a ray of hope. with the way his hands engulfed yours to anchor himself as he thrusted into you, the way his lips left urgent kisses on your lips as you panted beneath him, the way he whispered sweet nothings into your ear as you cried out in ecstasy.

and even when you were lying next to each other in his bed, catching your breath. you would turn to look at his face sometimes, only to see him staring at you already with a look in his eyes that could only be described as wistful. but you were a fool to think that you could ever upseat makima in denji's eyes.

false hope could only get you so far.

with his breath tickling the back of your neck and his large hand rubbing patterns into your hip, this false hope really had gotten you somewhere. but all good things must come to an end. words that you dreaded to say weighed heavy on your tongue, but you dragged yourself along, lifting them just enough to feel them escape your lips before you could really stop them.

"denji, what are we?"

you felt the hand that rested on you go still, and the arm that was poised as a pillow for you went rigid. hell, the boy that was holding you so close to his chest had practically stopped breathing, and you felt your eyelids slide shut in a bitter defeat before you heard another word. it's not like you needed them to understand how he felt, anyway.

"we're friends, aren't we?" his tone was so controlled, so even and level and unlike the denji that you knew and, dare you say it, loved. it sent another shot tubneling straight through your heart, and you were glad that you were currently facing away from him. you wouldn't be able to handle seeing the look on his face as all of your tentative hopes were crushed under his heel. all you wanted to do was curl in on yourself and maybe try to cry away the numbness that was invading your body from the chest outward.

you raised a shaking hand to push denji's own off of you, and you felt the mattress underneath you creak as the boy shifted in confusion at your behaviour.

"y/n?"

your kept your back turned to him as you got out of his bed, pulling on your own clothed and scowling in frustration when you couldn't find your shirt anywhere. you were seconds away from letting the first droplets fall, and you did not want to let denji see.

you snagged some random material of a shirt off of the bedroom floor, yanking it over your head and turning to face denji with a face that you hoped wasn't too scrunched from holding back your tears.

"we're not just friends and you fucking know it."

you didn't have time to register his wounded facial expression or the pleading calls of your name that he cast towards your retreating figure, but you grabbed your shoes before leaving his dorm, shutting the door behind you a little too forcefully and storming off back to your own room.

you must look insane, padding along the halls with no shoes as angry tears streaked down your face and you tried your best not to audibly sob. by the time you had made it back to your room your eyes were streaming, and you flopped on your bed with little regard for anything else other than crying your eyes out.

truth be told, after that fateful night and the best cry of your life you felt much better. you knew where you stood, you had your feelings sorted out, and you knew that a little distance would really help you to finally move on from your friend.

now, if only denji would stop calling and texting you like nothing had happened.

you felt like you could scream when you saw a notification from him, asking if you wanted to study for the test that you had next week. you bit back the petty urge to ask him if he wanted to study with you as just friends, instead opting to turn your phone off and bury your face in your pillow once again.

matters of the heart take time, after all.

on denji's end, things weren't looking much better. he brushed off his confusion at your actions and words when you had left so abruptly the other day, only to find himself staring at his ceiling trying to decipher his feelings and what the hell you had meant.

he likes makima. and he has, for a while now. he could count on one hand the amount of times he had interacted with the girl who sat in front of him in the lecture hall, and every time had been met with this strange giddy feeling in his chest. though it was rare, he knew that feeling.

but the one he felt right now was so, so, different. when the door clicked shut behind you, it felt like a piece of him had up and left along with you. the very reason that he had accelerated things so far in your relationship was because of how right things felt with you. the slightest graze of your fingertips across his chest didn't light any fireworks in his mind, but it's like warmth perforated his skin and was injected straight into him from you.

truth be told, that feeling was the most addicting he had ever felt. and when he heard that air of finality right after the door shut behind you, it didn't take long for denji to realise just how cold everything felt without you.

but he still liked makima, right?

that giddy feeling in his chest he got from her was enough to fill the you-shaped hole, right?

you not talking to him wasn't what made his heart hurt, right?

he only realised just how wrong he had it when he talked to makima for the fourth time ever. she had turned in her seat, even smiling at him and asking for a pen, and all that came to mind was how much he missed your smile.

hell, he missed everything. the sound of your laugh, the smell of your hair. the way you fit against him and said his name. and that's when he realised this you-related feeling was.

longing.

there was a knock on your door. and another. you groaned, rolling over to check the time to see that it was three in the morning.

by the time you had cracked your door open you saw a flash of blond hair and a face all-too-familiar, you knew it was too late to slam your door shut. denji's face perked up, and you already knew that you were done for.

he lifted his hand, revealing a pretty albeit crumpled bouquet of flowers. you almost giggled to yourself, guessing that the mastermind of that romantic gesture was most likely denji's roommate aki. but it was appreciated, nonetheless.

"what do you want, denji?" you were painfully aware of just how much of a mess you looked right now- eyes still red around the rim from how many self-pitying tears you had shed over this entire situation.

denji's mouth and opened and closed, and you sighed against your barely open door which still had a chain on it.

"i'm not in the mood, denji."

"no, no, it's just that i wanted to say that i've finally figured out what we are." it appears tgat your friend finally found his voice. you looked him in the eye again, trying not to let the hope in your heart build itself too high. "we're way more than friends, y/n."

you felt any resistance crumble at those words, and the sheepish smile on your face grew.

"so, can i come in?" you smiled at denji, shutting your door to undo the latch before opening it again, wide enough to let him back in to your life. consider him a weakness of yours.

the first thing denji did when he crossed the threshold of your door was wrap his arms around you, dried tears and crumpled flowers and all, and bury his face in your hair. the only words he had to offer was a mumbled i miss you into your skin, and you felt your body melt against him like it had so many times before.

when you finally broke apart, you couldn't help but wonder.

"so, what are the flowers for denji?" the boy before you blushed, his eyes flitting off to the side. he raised a hand to the back of his neck, taking a breath to summon some courage.

"i was hoping... that i could take you out on a date. or be your boyfriend. something like that."

"what?" denji was still bright red, though his eyes were locked onto yours.

"you heard me." you smiled once again, taking a step forwards and effectively closing the distance between you two.

"i would love to."

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