#she changes so quickly but its hard to pinpoint when or how or why

[technicolorxsn]

oh okay

[ihavethedreamiesx]

Mine | Jaemin [NSFW]

Na Jaemin - NCT Dream

Rating: M (18+) MDNI

Word Count: ~9.3k

Pairing: Jaemin x AFAB!Reader

Genre: Reader-Insert, Fluff, Jealousy, Friends-to-Lovers, Smut

!!This is smut…if that much isn't clear you should probably leave now!! MDNI!

Warnings: She/Her Pronouns used, Swearing, Kissing, Oral (F! Receiving), Fluffy Smut

Author's Note: This is for my bestest friend in the world. Jaemin is her ultimate favorite and this might very well make her explode. Which is the goal. She didn't ask for smut, but… That is why it’s a bit more…fluffy/vanilla than my other stuff, because it's for her >3>

There is a bit of cross-over between groups here. Changbin and Felix of Stray Kids are in it directly and Wooyoung of ATEEZ is mentioned.

Fun Fact: the middle pic in the banner is actually of Hyunjin

Revised (1/31/25) - I forgot to change the name to (Y/N), so I fixed it!

I am cross-posting this on Archive. Please reblog! Share, even if its to the other sites! Let me know if you want to be on the taglist!

“Hey, you know my friend Changbin?” your friend asks as she applies her lip balm, looking in a handheld mirror. You simply blink at this, considering it isn’t even tinted, and you ponder why she needs the mirror.

“Yes?” You shake your head, looking back to your laptop. You and Yuna are sitting at a table in one of the on-campus cafés. Studying in the library is hard because you two can get kind of rowdy and it’s hard to stay quiet.

“He’s been trying to get me to set him up with one of my girl-friends…” She drifts off, casting you a not very subtle look. You have never seen the guy, just know he’s a gym rat, and he’s friends with your ex. Rubbing your eye as your vision blurs from staring at your screen too long, she leans into your blind spot, which startles you when your eye refocuses.

“What?” You grumble and she sighs dramatically, resting her cheek on the table.

“Please?” She immediately starts to beg, just repeating the word over and over.

“Oh, my god, fine!” You relent, a bit hesitant since he’s so close with Wooyoung. You aren’t sure if it is a good idea to go out with a friend on an ex.

“What if we do a double date?” Yuna can tell you’re a bit hesitant, and the thought of tag-teaming is better.

“Okay, like a double blind-date thing?” you ask and her face lights up.

“Yes! Bring me someone hot.” She winks and you huff. Going over your own friend group in your head, you try to figure out who’s best for her. You immediately throw your roommate Jisung out. He’s way too shy and quiet for her and she’s a lot for anyone. Chenle’s also out, that would be way too much loud in your life since he essentially lives with you as well with how much he’s over. Renjun isn’t Yuna’s type, she won’t go out with guys she claims are prettier than her. Mark is…something’s going on with Yuta that you don’t have time to ponder on. Donghyuck could work, but he, surprisingly, is pretty serious when it comes to dating and isn’t a fan of flings. Jeno? He could work, but you’re pretty sure he’s supposed to be going somewhere for a cycling race. That leaves Jaemin… The thought makes your stomach twinge a bit, but you can’t pinpoint why. His stupid goofy grinning face flashes in your mind and quickly changes to the cocky smirk he wears when he flirts, which he does a lot. You decide you’re nervous for Yuna because he’s such a flirt, but then again, so it she… Deep down, you know you have a bit of a crush on him despite the fact that you had declared you never would. Every time some guy rose in popularity on campus, they’re immediately disqualified. He has been your friend before that happened to him, but you begrudgingly followed the crowd when he rose to be number one pretty fast. I mean, you weren’t surprised and still aren’t, you have eyes. Jeno is also really high up there, but he seems more like a brother to you; he’s like a sweet puppy dog. Jaemin is more like a lion; lazy and beautiful.

“I’ll ask Jaemin…” You mumble to yourself, and she perks up.

“Wait, Na Jaemin?”

“Yes? That okay?”

“Fuck yea, that’s okay, holy shit!” She cackles to herself, and you grumble, typing out a quick message to him.

☀️: Wanna go on a blind date? 🐰: Why would I be blind? ☀️: You know what I mean dumbass. 🐰: who ☀️: My friend Yuna. She wants to set me up with her friend and so we decided to do a double. 🐰: you too? ☀️: Yeah, that's what I mean by double... 🐰: who ☀️: Her friend Changbin. He's one of Wooyoung's friends too. 🐰: hm

What does that mean? There are two ends of the spectrum of messaging Jaemin; you either get very short answers like right now, or way too many emojis.

🐰: hm 🐰: works out a lot? ☀️: Yeah, him. 🐰: hm ☀️: What does that mean? 🐰: wouldn't you like to know

You roll your eyes and wait as the little dots bounce as he types. Then they stop, then start, then top. What the hell is taking him so long?

🐰: wouldn't you like to know ☀️: You good, fam? 🐰: yeh, I shall go ☀️: You shall? I didn't even say when... 🐰: when then

“When are you thinking?” You turn to Yuna who’s typing on her phone, probably with her guy friend.

“Friday night, 7?” She doesn’t even look up from her phone.

“Where?” You get ready to relay the information.

“Uh…he told you to pick.” She sniggers at something else on her phone, so you go back to yours.

🐰: when then ☀️: Friday at 7. 🐰: where ☀️: You decide. 🐰: hmm ☀️: Hurry up, I need to keep working. 🐰: have your computer program decide ☀️: I'm coding a program for the periodic table it can't do that.

He’s getting on your nerves, and you ponder why the hell you even like him. For probably everything other than how he texts, but that’s beside the point.

☀️: I'm coding a program for the periodic table it can't do that. 🐰: Taeyong’s place ☀️: That's expensive... 🐰: so? ☀️: Not all of us are financially stable. 🐰: I... will pay~ ☀️: You will? 🐰: not for him ☀️: I'll make sure it's okay...

“Ask him if he’s okay going somewhere fancy. Our friend started as a chef at some place called Kwangya, but it’s pricey. Jaemin said he’ll pay for us.” You put your phone down to pull up the website to get an idea of the prices. It isn’t like a Michelin star-level place or anything, but it’s nicer than most college student would usually go for. Looking over the menu you see the cheapest entrée is still like twenty dollars.

“Oh, shit, that looks good. Let me ask him.” Yuna leans in, resting her cheek on your shoulder to look at your screen, then she goes back to her phone.

“He said that’s perfect. He’ll also pay for you, he said.” Your friend wiggles her eyebrows, and you exhale through your nose.

☀️: I'll make sure it's okay... ☀️: You're in luck. He's in and will pay for me too. 🐰: no ☀️: No? 🐰: I pay ☀️: It wouldn't make sense for you to pay for me and your date... 🐰: I pay ☀️: Okay, whatever, you two can figure it out then... 🐰: wear pink ☀️: That's not your decision. 🐰: hm

You roll your eyes; he’s so freaking odd sometimes… Most times. After all the details get ironed out, you both go back to studying and working before heading your separate ways around four. When you get back to your apartment, your eyes immediately find a foreign pair of shoes by the door. Jisung’s always sure to put his on the shoe rack with yours, and Chenle’s are normally simply thrown somewhere on the floor, but these are set nicely by the rack. Who’s at your place? Dolphin laughter can be heard from the living room, and you guess Chenle has maybe brought someone. Jisung doesn’t have too many people he knows past the other six. The rest of their friends almost always just have their shoes in a pile or would use the rack…

“Noona~” Chenle shouts in delight as you come in and you can’t hide a smile.

“Hi, Lele~”

“Did you get your program finished?” Jisung’s much quieter and deeper voice brings your attention as he comes out of the laundry room. There’s definitely a third person there, an unfamiliar bag is resting against the coffee table. Maybe they’re in the bathroom…

“Who’s here?” you ask and Jisung stiffens, worried you might be upset. Little does he know; you could never be upset with your most precious.

“My friend Felix.” Chenle is strewn across your armchair.

“The one from Australia?” You make sure you get it right and he nods. He’s looking at his phone as he types, a growing look of distaste spreading over his face.

“What’s wrong?” Jisung asks the other guy, moving to sit back down on the couch, picking up his laptop. You can hear the washer going and you really hope he didn’t put too much soap in again. As you join them in the living room, you set your bag down next to the couch and flop on the opposite end of your roommate.

“Jaemin,” is all he says, and you roll your eyes, understanding his sentiment. Guess he’s being weird with everyone today.

“I hope it’s okay, I might have stained the sink…” A deep voice catches your off guard, and you turn so fast to see the owner your neck pops. He’s…beautiful.

“What do you mean?” You finally register his comment after a few seconds of staring.

“His pen leaked.” Jisung answers and Felix shows you the faded blue stain on his hands.

“Oh, that’s okay.” You assure him, still gaping. He comes to sit back on the floor at the coffee table and gives you a smile made of sunshine.

“I’m Felix.”

“Right, yes, I’m (Y/N).” You introduce and Chenle bursts our laughing.

“You’re going on a double date with Jaemin?” The second youngest looks at you and you groan, slumping further onto the couch.

“I’m not going with him. I set him up with Yuna and she set me up with her friend,” you correct.

“Yuna? Song Yuna?” Felix asks and you nod as you straighten back up.

“Oh, I’m friends with her too. Who is she setting you up with?” He looks up from the pen that he’s holding, probably a little weary it might leak as well.

“Changbin?” When you speak the name, his face shifts from slight worry of the writing device to an amused look. He sputters a laugh, and you aren’t sure how to take that.

“You dated Wooyoung, right?”

“Yes?”

“He’s going to have a field day…”

“Why?” Is that a good or bad thing?

“Changbin’s liked you since before you broke up with Woo.” The blonde huffs another laugh as he starts to jot down notes from his textbook.

“Seriously? I’ve never even seen him… How does he know about me?”

“You were Woo’s background. You might still be, actually…” He mentions it so casually, but you’re once again shocked. You had broken up like four months ago.

“She’s Jaemin’s background too.” Chenle has begun to chew aggressively on some licorice. Your licorice-

“Hey, give that back!” You stand so you can confiscate the candy, and he whines pitifully and loudly. Then what he said hits you as you sit back down.

“I’m Jaemin’s background?!”

“It’s that picture of when you and Renjun fell in the mud at the park.” Jisung finishes and you sigh, rolling your eyes. He always has the embarrassing pictures.

“She’s still Wooyoung’s background?” The youngest turns to Felix.

“I think so…” The three boys fall back into the lull of whatever they were doing before, and you sit and ponder.

“When are you going on the double date?” Jisung’s soft voice pulls you from your thoughts.

“Day after tomorrow, why?” You look up from your phone and he looks deep in thought before he looks at his own phone.

“Just curious. I’m going to Chenle’s for a movie marathon.”

“Avengers!” The other boy cheers.

“Where are you going?” Felix pipes up and you’re once again floored by his deep voice, especially with that pretty face.

“Kwangya. Our friend Taeyong just got the position of head chef.” You reply.

“He’s such a good cook.” Jisung adds and you nod.

“That place is expensive…” the eldest boy’s scrolling through his phone, presumably looking at the menu, then he giggles.

“Order the most expensive thing possible if hyung is paying.” His mischievous smile is freaking adorable. You snap and point at him, “sure thing~”

~θωθ~

“Oh, my god, I’m so freaking excited.” Yuna bounces as she lean over your vanity, putting her lipstick on. Since Jaemin had told you to wear pink, you had your friend do so instead. Her dress is light pink with plum blossoms printed over the fabric, the tight dress ending about mid-thigh and has an asymmetric over-the-shoulder top. You’re a bit worried about her walking in the tallest heels she owns, but she likes being near the same height as her date. She has her hair up in a curled ponytail and long pink crystal earrings. You have already gotten ready and have a natural makeup look on with pretty much just mascara, eyeliner, and lip-gloss. Your dress is a deep purple with a high keyhole style top. There’s a belt around the upper part of your waist and the dress flows down the purple fading into black at the end of a circle skirt. Your tallest heels are barely even heels, but they are black, and you have dark sheer tights on as well. Your black metaling hoops match the bangle you have on your left wrist and the rings on your index and ring fingers of your right hand. Your hair is tied back and flows down your back in loose curls. Not normally one for manicures, Yuna has got you both press on nails instead and yours are almond shaped, simply black with silver accents. Hers are the same pink as her dress with cherry blossoms. She couldn’t find plum blossoms, but most people don’t know the difference anyway.

“I hope he meets your expectations.” You huff and she rolls her eyes.

“Girl, I know what he looks like, I couldn’t care less about his personality. I even broke out my fancy panties.” She smiles and for some reason, this really bothers you. You honestly didn’t know if Jaemin was the type to sleep with a girl on the first date, he doesn’t talk much about his love life around you. You shift on your feet, reaching behind you to adjust the band of your bra through the fabric of your dress. Your bra and panties are somewhat plain, just black with a bit of lace. It doesn’t matter anyway, even if you really like Changbin, you aren’t going to bed him on that first date. Unless he’s like…really freaking hot, which is a possibility. For some reason though, even thinking about it makes you feel guilty. The thought of Yuna sleeping with Jaemin makes you feel even worse, and you try to ignore it.

“Is my makeup okay?” She shoves her lipstick back in her little bag, white with a gold chain.

“Yes. Mine?” She looks over your face quickly and clicks her tongue.

“Of course. Why’d you even ask?” She grumbles and you giggle as she fixes a few stray hairs, then you go out to your living room to wait. Jisung had left only about fifteen minutes ago, peeking his head into your room to say bye. He had gotten a faint dusting on his cheeks seeing you all pretty and dressed up, and he mumbled something as he left. Not even two seconds after you sit in your armchair, your phone goes off.

🐰: Here ☀️: The restaurant? You're like twenty minutes early. 🐰: your building ☀️: Oh, I thought we were meeting there? 🐰: coming up

You shake your head; he has been acting weird the last few days and you wonder why he even agreed to this whole double date. He doesn’t seem particularly into it… When your door buzzes, you don’t even get up as you hear him keying in your door code.

“He knows your code?”

“They all do. They tend to come here when they’re drunk.” You shrug, still looking at your phone. You were scrolling through your pictures and deleting everything of you and Wooyoung. It still irks you a bit that you might still be his phone background, but you aren’t going to tell him to take it off, what if it actually wasn’t? You aren’t sure if he knew about your date with Changbin either, and you hope your past relationship doesn’t come up. When Jaemin finally enters, you hear him come down the hall, evidently still in his shoes. You’re going to scold him when he finally comes into view, but your words fizzle out. Fuck. He’s wearing a white blazer over a black dress shirt. Said shirt is unbuttoned at the top, not starting till a little above the end of his sternum. A tie is tied around his neck loosely, the two ends tucked into his shirt, highlighting the exposed skin. His slacks are black as well as his shoes, and his silver-colored hair is styled up just enough to stay out of his eyes. When your eyes meet his, after you have scanned his outfit, the look is so intense it makes you flinch.

“Fuck.” Yuna whispers and you clear your throat, standing as you grab your bag.

“Ready?” he asks, forcing his gaze away from you. His face softens into a cocky smirk as Yuna comes to stand with you.

“Yuna, right?” He scratches his neck casually and she nods, giving her best smirk.

“Yes. Everyone knows who you are, Na Jaemin~” She finally steps up to him and links her arm around his.

“Let’s go.” You force a smile onto your face and lead them out of the apartment so you can head to the restaurant. As they flirt in the elevator, it’s like you can only kind of hear them, your ears ringing like you had gotten hit in the head.

“Is Changbin meeting us there still?” you ask Yuna, and she nods.

“He should get there around the time we do.” Leading them to the small parking garage next to your building, you get in the car and wait for the other two. Jaemin holds the door open for your friend and she gets into the back where he joins her. You feel more like a chauffeur like that, but you just swallow down the bitter thoughts and leave the garage to head the right way. When you arrive, the valet takes your vehicle and there’s a guy waiting outside near the door. He’s short for a man, but still a bit taller than you, and holy fuck is he built. He has a white button down on, the buttons struggling to contain him. A black vest struggles over the shirt as well, and his black tie rests perfectly on his chest. His sleeves are half rolled up near his elbows, his forearms on display. A thick black watch draws your gaze to his hands, a simple silver band on his index finger. His slacks, also black, hug his thick thighs wonderfully and you wonder if they could split from the strain if he moves the wrong way.

“Woah…” he whispers, recognizing your presence when Yuna shouts his name. He comes to stand in front of you, his gaze scanning but polite. You watch carefully as his eyes trail over your face and neckline, before quickly jumping to your waist and legs.

“You’re even more beautiful in person.” He smiles and your face warms. He takes your smaller hand in his where it was resting on your bag, bringing it to his face and placing a light kiss on your knuckles. You hear Jaemin scoff lightly, and you choose to ignore it, focusing on the man before you.

“Let’s go in, I’m starved.” Your friend groans dramatically and Jaemin holds the door open for her, very pointedly letting it go when Changbin follows. That gives him the opportunity to hold it open for you though, and you nod in thanks with a smile as you enter the restaurant.

“We have a reservation for seven.” Yuna leans against the podium where the host is, and she types into the tablet.

“Name?”

“Song.”

“For four?”

“Yep.”

“Please, follow me.” She grabs four menus and leads you into the establishment to a table in the back corner. The place is busy, but thanks to the ritzy environment, it isn’t overly loud. The black and white décor and furniture is accented with different plants and other green things. Jaemin moves to sit down, pulling the chair next to him out. You wait for Yuna to sit, but Jaemin is staring at you. Changbin shoots Jaemin a look you don’t notice, but your friend does. Changbin does much the same, sitting across from you and casually pulling the chair back with one hand for his friend. Your guy friend rests back in his chair nonchalantly, holding the menu in his hand on his lap, slinging his arm around the back of your chair. You don’t even react, too busy looking over the menu, but the other two sure do.

“Order whatever you want, pretty girl~” Changbin smirks when you glance over your own menu at him, his resting on the table. You can’t help but marvel at his arms where they rest over the menu. His black hair is parted asymmetrically, his bangs brushing over his eyebrows. He’s very handsome, in a more masculine way than Jaemin, who’s more pretty.

“Are you sure?” you ask, Felix’s words flashing in your mind; you want to make sure though.

“Of course.” He smiles, looking back and you nod, ignoring the numbers listed by each meal.

“Hello, I’ll be taking your order today.” The waitress comes over and bows slightly, ready to get your drinks. You simply order a water, not feeling like alcohol, plus you drove. Yuna does order a glass of wine, one that Jaemin picks out. He knows jack about wine, but he act like he knows his stuff; he doesn’t even drink. His order is simply for a Coke and Changbin orders some kind of soda-liquor mix.

“Is this on two tickets or…?” The waitress starts.

“Two, me and her.” Changbin nods at you and before the waitress can start writing, Jaemin pipes up.

“One, actually.” You turn your head to look at him in shock and Yuna smiles coyly, resting her chin on her interlinked fingers. She hums and Jaemin hasn’t even looked up from his menu but to meet your glance.

“I suggested the place, might as well. Tell Chef Lee Jaemin is ordering, so he better cook it really~ good.” He smiles at the waitress, and she flushes a bit at the smolder, but nods and head off. His arm is still on the back of your chair, and you glance at Yuna who bites her lip as she looks over the man next to you.

“What are you thinking of getting?” you ask your date, and he hums, flipping to the other side of the menu.

“The cream pasta looks good, but I don’t know if I would want chicken or shrimp.” Changbin hums, then looks up at you with a smile, “what about you, (Y/N)?” The way he says your name makes your heart thump. Is he normally so sweet or is he playing it up?

“She wants the lobster.” Jaemin doesn’t look up from his menu and you glare at him. He isn’t wrong…you love it even if you don’t get to eat it very often.

“It’s not even on the menu today.” You try not to snap at him.

“I’ll get the cream pasta with shrimp.” You decide.

“Perfect.” Changbin smiles and when the waitress comes back with your drinks, your date orders for both of you.

“Give me the steak.” After Jaemin orders, he takes his menu and yours to hand them to the waitress. Yuna hums, giving you a look, and ends up getting some kind of fish. When your guy friend orders, you grimace. He knows you don’t like beef, even just the smell bothers you. Though, if he’s paying, especially with the prices being so high, you won’t say anything.

“I know we don’t know each other super well, but you’re too good for Wooyoung.” Changbin starts and you give him a shocked look. Yuna looks surprised at the comment as well and Jaemin huffs in what seems like agreement.

“W-what do you mean?” you ask.

“This is the kind of place to go. A beautiful restaurant for a beautiful girl. Let me guess, your first date was at an amusement park?”

“W-well…yes. We were first years in college though…”

“Still, you’re a lady, not a middle schooler.” He shakes his head, and you flush some at the comments. You don’t see yourself as a lady, but it makes you feel special.

“Lady, huh?” The guy next to you kind of scoffs and you roll your eyes. What is his deal?

“She’s more of a lady than this one, that’s for sure.” Changbin juts his thumb at Yuna who sends him a scalding look.

“Fuck you, Bin.”

“I would rather you didn’t.” He smirks, turning to look at you. Letting out a small chuckle, your cheeks feel even warmer, the ice water a nice contrast as you take a sip. Focusing on the older man, you two pass likes and dislikes back and forth, just getting to know each other. You aren’t sure what the other two are discussing, but you can feel the tension leave Jaemin slowly. Yuna is batting her eyelashes every once in a while, and you have a feeling her heeled foot is brushing over his shin, if not higher. You try not to think about it, going back to your date. When the food finally comes, you smile at how good it looks and smells. Luckily, your food more or less blocks the scent of Jaemin’s steak. As you twist the pasta around on your fork against your spoon, as you bring it to your mouth, you notice Changbin hold his own up.

“Cheers?” He smiles and you giggle, bumping your pasta swirl against his, then eat it. It really is so good, and you can tell it’s definitely Taeyong’s.

“I’m surprised I couldn’t hear you from the kitchen.” A familiar voice chuckles, coming up to the table.

“Hi, Taeyong-oppa.” You smile at his comment to Jaemin.

“Hyung~” He coos and you both huff.

“I didn’t know you were going to be here too, (Y/N).” He glances at the other two, “you’re Yuna, right?”

“Sure am~” She seems to be in a flirty mood, her tone is still lilted.

“You are…?” He points to the other guy.

“Seo Changbin.” He nods respectfully.

“Double date?” Taeyong’s gaze moves to you, and you nod. He simply hums before his gaze meets Jaemin’s.

“Enjoy the food, I’ll make sure you get a discount.” He bows and then leaves, and Yuna watches him leave.

“Oof.”

“Really?” You deadpan; she’s literally on a date with Jaemin.

“I need to go to the bathroom, come on, (Y/N).” She gets up, grabbing her bag and you do the same to follow her. You really don’t understand why girls always go to the bathroom together, but you always just literally follow along. When you get in there, another woman is just leaving, but otherwise it’s empty. Yuna goes to look in the mirror, pulling her make up bag out to touch up her eye makeup. You rest your back against the counter, it seems neither of you actually have to go.

“Sorry that Jaemin is being weird.” You grimace a bit, your mouth going straight.

“Well, it’s obvious he’s here for you, so…” She doesn’t seem bothered at all.

“W-what?”

“Oh, please, girl. It’s obvious he’s jealous and just came so he can keep an eye on Changbin. I’m more here to help you not be too uncomfortable, it’s just a bonus I get to flirt with Na Jaemin.” She starts to put on more lipstick, but realizes she still has to finish eating, so that doesn’t make sense.

“Y-you think?” You turn to look at her and she scoffs playfully.

“Here, I’ll play it up and see what he does.” She gets everything back into her bag and you both go back to the table. You have no idea what those two have been doing or talking about, but the tension is thick. After you sit down, the mood lightens, and a smile comes back to Changbin’s face.

“Here, have more of the shrimp.” He picks a few off of his plate to give to you before you can protest. Shooting Yuna a look, she winks, and stabs a piece of fish with her fork, holding it up to Jaemin. She hums and you make sure not to watch, so you miss his side look at you. The small talk continues with your date, and it seems that Yuna has notched up her flirting, and so does Jaemin. You two aren’t so forward, keeping it more innocent.

“Oh, here.” You notice he had some sauce on his cheek, too far away for his tongue to reach. You grab your napkin and dip it in your water so you can get it off. He smiles and the warm look makes your face heat as you sit back all the way down. You yelp when Jaemin curls his ankle around the leg of your chair and hauls you closer to him so he can whisper in your ear.

“The hell are you doing?” His tone is sharper than you have ever heard from him.

“What do you mean?” Your tone hardens as well. He simply glares down at you, and you scoff, aggressively yanking your chair back to where it was, resting your chin on your palm, closing yourself off from him.

“Sorry he’s being a dick.” You whisper to Changbin, but he doesn’t laugh, just sends a look at the other man.

“What’s your deal?” He shoots at Jaemin whose face immediately loses its flirty grin. He can be really freaking scary when he wants…same thing with Chenle.

“I just have a problem with people who don’t know their place.” He raises an eyebrow, and you swallow hard. You really want the chocolate lava cake on the dessert menu, but you’re getting fed up. He offered to pay for everyone, so you stand and angrily sling your bag onto your shoulder.

“Let’s go, Yuna. He can get home on his own.” She immediately follows you and you stop, looking at Changbin.

“I had fun with you, I’m sorry he’s being such a douche. I’ll get your number from Yuna.” You smile, giving him a slight bow and he nods, watching in shock as you both leave.

“(Y/N)!” Jaemin shouts after you and you just pick up the pace. Yuna’s heels click on the tile of the restaurant floor and then on the concrete as you leave. Tears are pricking at your eyes, the warm drops cold in the blowing wind.

“Hey, you okay?” She stops you, noticing your face starting to get blotchy.

“He’s a fucking jerk.” You sniff and she sighs.

“Hey, I’m not mad, I wasn’t expecting the world from the date-“

“Not that, how he was with Changbin. If what you said is true…” You lick your lips, and she wraps an arm around your shoulder.

“The reason it hurts so much, is because you like him. It’s hard to see someone act like a dick when you think highly of them.” She informs you wisely as you both wait for the valet to get your car. You wish you would have parked down the road so at least you could get away faster. Waiting outside means there’s the possibility of Jaemin getting to you before you could leave. Speak…well, think of the devil, and he shall come.

“(Y/N)!” He pushes the door open so hard the thick plexiglass wobbles a bit in the metal frame. You groan and tell Yuna to take your car back and begin to storm down the sideway toward your building.

“Fucking- (Y/N), wait!” He dashes past your friend, and she knows your shorter legs won’t get you far if he goes at that speed. As he catches up to you, you almost take off your shoes so you can start running. You try not to wipe at your eyes, your mascara is waterproof, but your eyeliner would probably smudge.

“(Y/N)!” Jaemin finally reaches you, his hand wrapping around your wrist, and he halts you in your tracks. Why is he so freaking strong? When you try to get away, he pulls you even closer, holding both of your hands to his chest.

“Let go!” You’re full-on crying, and he’s a bit shocked at this. He does as you ask and you’re going to turn around and keep going, but a car -your car- pulls up next to you. Yuna gets out, handing you your keys and you go to get in. Before either of you can say anything, Jaemin grabs the keys himself and goes to the driver’s side. You scoff as he shuts the door but gets in the other side.

“Can you get home?” you ask her, and she nods, waving you off.

“Changbin will get me home.” You nod and get into your car; it’s a bit weird riding in the passenger seat. The ride back is silent, tension rising in the car fast, and you try rolling the window down. Doesn’t help, just makes more noise. You roll it back up, the seal making a ‘shunk’ as it closes. You lick your lips, just watching out the window. No words are said as he parks in your spot in the garage. You want to fester a bit in the car, but he pulls your door open and stares you down, prompting you to get out. You slam the door shut and stomp forward past him to get into your building. You key in the code to the side door and don’t even hold the door open for him. You can hear him following you through and he does all the way up to your apartment. Your door slams shut, and you both stand in the entryway, panting. Sighing, you toed the straps of your shoes and kick them off, storming further into your place. It seems he’s done the same and is hot on your heels. As you leave the entry hall and start to head to the living room, Jaemin grabs your wrist, and you yelp as he yanks you. You find your back to wall; halted just right so your head doesn’t bang into it. His hand slams against the wall, pinning you in, the other one still holding your wrist. You gape at him with wide eyes, your hand held up and against the wall as well. He’s pissed. He doesn’t get mad like this too often.

“What the hell is your problem?!” You try to psyche yourself up, feeling incredibly small. Not only does his harsh gaze make you shrink in on yourself, he fully surrounds you. He scoffs, looking away and you sneer. He finally looks back at you.

“Are you really that dumb?” His tone pierces you and the tears come back, you’re frustrated and hurt.

“What?” Your voice is quiet, your face falling flat. Jaemin licks his lips again, biting his bottom lip before pressing both together hard. His eyes meet yours and your breath hitches.

“You seriously -of all people- asked me to go on a double date with you, but you were there for someone else?” His face is close to yours; he’s so close that you have to tilt your head back to meet his eyes.

“Then, you show up looking like this, but it’s not for me.” He motions with his head down and you shuffle. Jaemin’s leg shifts closer, his knee touching the wall.

“You even went so far as to flirt with another man in front of me.” His words make you look back up to him from where you had been looking at his leg between yours.

“What’s it to you?!” You counter, trying not to move too much, he’s so close, “why do you care?”

“I care because I’m in love with you, and you’re supposed to be mine!” He finally gets it out. All of the fight leaves you and you simply gape at him like a fish. Jaemin swallows, not sure how to take your reaction.

“You…love me?”

“Yes!” The hand pinning yours up pulled away, so your arm comes down to rest limply at your side. Jaemin then rests his hand on your elbow, the hand on the wall shifting so his forearm is pressed against the surface. His forehead meets his arm, the side of his jaw pressing against the top of your head. Your eyes can’t help but fall to the swatch of skin revealed by his open shirt, it’s right in front of you after all.

“I really wish I could have done this differently…” His voice is quiet, the sharpness gone, and he speaks right into your ear. The sound seems to rumble through you, and you didn’t know his voice could go that deep.

“Love?” You finally manage to get out and he huffs, pulling back enough that you can see each other’s faces. Jaemin brings his hand to his tie, and despite it being loose already, he loosens it further and just takes it off. The fabric floats to the floor, and he takes another step back so he can take off the blazer without hitting you. As he sheds the garment, he continues to move away, throwing the jacket down hard. He turns away from you and you slump further against the wall, watching as he rolls his sleeves up, so they bunch above his elbow. You can’t help but stare at his revealed forearms, a watch gracing his left wrist. On his right hand sat the ring he and your friends shared. You had one even, but keep it in your jewelry box and only wear it when you’re all together. The more you look at Jaemin, like really look, you see he’s gotten way more muscular than you even realized. He catches your staring and in any other circumstance he would’ve smirked, but he just huffs, nearly scoffing.

“My eyes are up here, (Y/N).” He clicks his tongue, and he starts to walk back towards you. He puts his left hand in his pocket, holding the right up with one finger out, and he pokes you hard on the forehead. You flinch and yelp when your head hits the wall. Jaemin sighs, letting his arm fall and puts his other hand in his pocket as well.

“You really had no idea?” The question is unexpected, and you honestly have trouble thinking about what he means, still out of it.

“No idea about what?” You shake your head, trying to get your bearings and he sighs dramatically, a slight whine in the sound.

“Me loving you, dummy.” You blink in response.

“N-no?”

“Well?”

“Well, what?”

“What about you?”

“About me, what?” He groans in frustration and sighs really hard again.

“Do you like me back at least?” He finally decides to be direct. You simply blink and he shakes his head.

“I’m going home-“ He backs up and moves to leave, but you stop him, gently wrapping your hands around his elbow.

“Wait.” Your voice is so quiet he almost doesn’t hear, but he halts immediately. His back is to you, so you step closer and wrap your arms around his middle, laying your cheek on his back.

“I…I think I love you too…” You truly don’t know for sure, never really feeling that way before to know. You were still in denial about having feelings for him at all up to only an hour ago.

“You think?”

“I really don’t know… I’ve never felt this way before-“ Jaemin pulls away from you roughly, but then turns to you, his hands going to your jaw. When you open your mouth to continue, his lips meet yours instead, swallowing the start of your next words. Honestly? Best kiss you’ve ever had. You didn’t know if it’s because it’s Jaemin and you like him so much, or if he’s just good at it. With a whine, you bring your own hands to his, lightly gripping his wrists. Jaemin pulls back, his expression still intense, but in a much different way.

“Tell me now if you don’t want to go beyond kissing, because I need to know before…” He drifts off, his eyes still pinned to your lips.

“Y-you can do what you want.” Your words are shaky, along with your body, but it’s more nervous excitement than anything.

“Yeah?” You hum in response and that same cocky grin you’re so used to spreads over his stupidly attractive face.

“Don’t tell me that, love, I’ll hold you to it.” He leans in as he speaks, his lips softly brushing over yours.

“Please.” You nearly cry and he kisses you again. It’s rougher that the last one, deeper, his hand wrapping around your ponytail and digging into your hair, tilting your head to get a better angle. His other hand starts at your waist before sliding down the sleek material of your dress till it lands on your butt. He squeezes and you gasp, allowing his tongue to slide into your mouth. Your head’s swimming, and you aren’t sure if it was from lack of air or just how good it felt to have his tongue tasting yours. When Jaemin finally pulls back, you whine at the loos which makes him chuckle.

“Come here, love.” His arm wraps around your waist, the other going to the back of your thigh, picking you up with ease. You whimper, wrapping your legs around his waist and you kiss over his neck and collarbone as he heads down the hall to your room. Luckily Jisung is at Chenle’s, and little did you know, it’s because Jaemin had told him, “if this night goes according to plan, you will not want to be at home.” And while the plan hadn’t gone exactly as Jaemin planned, the end result is the same. Your door closes but isn’t set in the frame, so he’s able to kick it open. It swings hard and slams into the wall, luckily into the door stop, and he kicks it closed as well. When he gets close enough, he literally drops you onto the bed. You bounce with a yelp, and you stop as you try to steady yourself, your eyes drawn to him. With rapt attention, you watch as he deftly unbuttons the rest of this shirt and untucks it, throwing it harshly to the floor. As he continues, the smirk on his face grows more and more devious, his confidence growing a little too much from your stare.

“Wanna touch?” He teases as your eyes trace every little line and ridge of his torso. Without thinking, you nod, and he laughs. The noise snaps you out of the trance and you frown,

“Jerk…” You mumble and he chuckles, stepping forward slowly, prowling. His right hand grips his belt and the waist of his pants, and when he’s close enough, his hand goes to your chin to tip your head back. Jaemin crooks his eyebrow, and you wilt a bit under the look, more nervous excitement buzzing through you. When he steps back, your eyes go to the hand on his belt and watch as he undoes his belt, pulling it out of the loops of his pants with a snap and it clatters to the floor. Your mouth waters and he tries not to laugh, “Your eyes are gonna burn holes through me~” You flinch back, purposefully looking at his face.

“Look all you want, love.” He says, the smirk coming back. So, you do. Your eyes zero in on his hands, he first removes his watch, letting it clatter onto the floor as well. Same thing with his ring, he doesn’t want the others having any part of this, even it it’s through the friendship ring. Next, and you aren’t sure if he actually does it slowly or it plays in slow-motion through your eyes, but he undoes the button on his slacks, and they fall. You gasp, he does still have his underwear on, but he’s just that much closer to being bare before you.

“You have too many things on.” He decides and strides forward, falling to his knees as the foot of the bed where you sit. His hands go to your hips and pulls you all the way forward so hard and you fall, back hitting in the bed.

“Are these those tights that don’t tear?” His question throws you off a bit.

“Uh, no, they were like a few dollars-“ RIP. He just tears them right at the seam of the crotch.

“Jaemin!” You scold but he ignores you; finishing ripping them and then pull the pieces off. He could’ve just pulled them off normally… When the scraps are discarded, he flips the end of your dress up, exposing your black panties and your face flushes as he just stares.

“D-don’t stare like that!” You cover your face with your hands then, practically screaming when he unexpectedly buried his face between your legs.

“J-Jaemin!” You yelp, his tongue brushing harshly over the fabric, tasting your wetness through the material.

“Fuck~’ He coos at your taste, and you’re extremely grateful he doesn’t tear your panties off as well. What you don’t notice though is that he pockets them as hit mouth meets your bare cunt. Jaemin lets out an obscene groan as your walls clench around his tongue and you whimper. Why’s he being so freaking noisy? Again, startled yelp escapes you when his hands grab your thighs, roughly holding your legs open, preventing your hips from moving. It seems he had planned ahead because when he seals around your clit and suck, your entire body jerks, the air leaving you.

“Jaemin-! Wait, fuck-“ You suck air in harshly, the rising pleasure so intense that before you know it -with one last flick of his tongue- you fall off the edge. He moans as you whine, his voice fading into a low chuckle as your orgasm ebbs. Falling boneless onto the bedding, he gets up from the floor and coos at you.

“Oh, sweet love~” His normal playful tone is weaved with heat, his words seeming to rumble through the room. Gently, he helps you sit up, kissing your neck and jaw softly as he pulls the zipper of your dress down. You let him pull the garment up and off your head, your glazed over expression goes straight to his hardening cock.

“So pretty~” Jaemin huffs in delight, leaning over to kiss you again as he unhooks your bra and slings it somewhere to the side. With a mewl, you feel him pick you up again to move you further up the bed, laying you down softly and making sure your head is settled on the pillow. His next kisses are incredibly soft, going from your mouth to the crest of your cheek, your jaw, neck, collar, sternum, the swell of your breast, then his mouth seals over your nipple. It makes you shiver, but he quickly moves on, kissing to the other side, and licks over your other nipple.

“Jaemin~” You whine, needing more. He smiles -not a smirk- and goes back up and kisses your forehead. The man laughs when your arms lazily wrap around his neck, trying to get him closer to kiss him again. Instead, he lets your kiss over his face, his hands going to your hips and adjusting you, so your legs wrap around his waist. When you he grinds his still covered hard-on into your bare core you let out a low whine.

“I need you to let me go so I can get a condom…” He laughs when you shake your head no, holding on tighter.

“Okay…” He relents, wrapping his arms around you again and you yipe when he easily hauls you up and gets off the bed. Holding onto him like a child, he laughs at your antics, and he stoops to get his pants and get his wallet.

“You always keep one there?” You grumble and Jaemin continues to laugh, going back to the bed.

“No, love. I planned ahead~” He lets out his characteristic little-shit giggle as he lays you down again, just as softly.

“Hurry!” You wiggle, letting your legs fall so he can maneuver and get his tight black briefs off. Your jaw goes slack and the smuggest simper you have ever seen on his face appears. No wonder he’s so freaking confident all the time.

“I’ll fit~” He teases, and you want to get annoyed, but is too distracted as he rolls the condom over his cock, making you swallow.

“You’re sure you’re okay with this?” His hand goes gently to your cheek, rubbing his thumb over the soft skin. You turn your head, kissing his palm and the soft gesture makes his smile soften as well.

“Okay, love.” Jaemin shifts, lightly gripping your hips and you bury your fingers in his soft silver hair as he brings his cock to your core, stroking it through your folds before starting to ease in. You gasp, trying not to clench too hard. It has not only been awhile for you, but he’s bigger than you’re used to as well. Your whole body shivers, and you try to relax and not clench him too much. You watch his brow furrow; you’re tight around him and he can’t believe he finally gets to be inside you.

“Breathe, love.” He smirks, helping you relax as he bottoms out. The walls of your cunt flutter around his cock, trying to get used to the stretch and you try not to dig you press-on nails into the skin of his back. He wants to change that though, planning on having red welts decorating his back when he gets done. When he feels you relax more around him, and your body isn’t as tense, he brings your legs up higher around is waist and gives a very shallow thrust.

“Fuck!” You moan and Jaemin groans, starting a slow pace, not wanting to overwhelm you yet.

“J-Jaemin!” You throw your head back after he fives his first hard thrust, nearly pulling all the way out before his hips snap, carving his shape into your core.

“Oh, love, you feel so fucking good~” He lets out a breathy chuckle, sitting back on his heels more, the angle change letting the head of his cock hit your sweet spot. With each thrust, he fucks a little noise out of you, everyone once and while it’s his name or some nonsense babbling.

“Hold on, love.” He grunts, getting up on his knees more, his strong hands gripping you thighs so hard he’ll definitely leave bruises, and throws your legs over his elbows. Jaemin smirks, rolling his hands and as the head of his cock hits the deepest of your pussy, you cum. It’s sudden, and your breath halts; he freezes, eyes clenching shut. He wants this to last longer, and while he knows he could go more than one round, he really wants to prolong it. You shiver slightly when it’s over, trying to catch your breath and he groans, shifting on his knees and grabbing another pillow to shove under your hips.

“Okay, get ready~” He practically giggles, and begins to fuck you in earnest. Your cunt is sensitive from cumming twice, but it still feels too good, and your mind starts to fog. Your hands that are digging in the bedding scramble, gripping his back, not wanting to tear your sheets. He groans as the rounded ends of your press-on nails dig into your skin, scratching down and leaving stinging lines all over his back. Jaemin chuckles deeply as you whimper and moan.

“You’re so good for me, huh~?”

You whine in response.

“Like my cock~?”

Whine.

“Fuck, I love you so much~” He slumps forward, burying his face in the crook of your neck, sucking and licking at the skin. His thrusts stay hard, but lose their rhythm as he gets closer to his own release. Your hands move to around his shoulders, one still scratching up his back, the other in his hair.

“Love~” You mewl, and he huffs, burying his cock as deep as he can and cums. Someday, he vows to feel the raw heat of your pussy around him… Slowly he pulls out and you whimper, feeling incredibly empty. He realizes that he had only brought one condom…

“Great.” He grumbles, but when he sees you laying there, eyes unfocused and body limp, he realizes that might be for the best. Smiling softly, he leans down, brushing the sweat-soaked hairs from your forehead and lays a kiss there.

“Be right back, love.” Jaemin pecks your lips and gets off the bed. You’re only semi-conscious as he goes and cleans up. He comes back quickly, helping you get under the covers, and he turns the ceiling fan on, so you don’t get too hot. Someone, you manage to stay awake as he takes a cold shower, and you mewl for him when he come back.

“(Y/N)~” He coos dramatically, back to his goofy self. He puts his pants back on, but leaves his shirt off, knowing you’ll ogle him. Giddily, while giggling, he wiggles under the covers with you.

“You’re cold…” You mumble and he nods with a hum.

“Warm me~!” He opens his arms to you, and you tiredly shuffle closer and slump into his hold. You’re too tired to really appreciate laying on his half-naked body, and he soothingly pets your hair, nuzzling the top of your head.

“I love you.” Jaemin whispers and you mumble something, and he huffs, “what?”

“Love you too~” Your voice is slurred with sleepiness, and you near-instantly fall asleep. He soon drifts off as well, but about an hour later, he’s awoke by a commotion.

“Noona~!”

“Chenle, wait!” Jisung shouts after him, but can’t get to him in time as he dashes down the hall and throws your bedroom door open. When all he sees is Jaemin propped up, glaring at him with a lump next to him, the younger stops dead.

“Get out of there!” The youngest scolds, purposefully not looking as he grabs the other guy and hauls him out.

“THEY FUCKED!” Chenle nearly screams and Jaemin collapses to the bed with a groan and Jisung drags him down the hall, trying to get him to shut up. You grunt a bit and Jaemin smiles, you’re so cute. Your eyes flutter open, and he smiles warmly.

“He’s so freaking loud…” You pout and he dramatically acts like he’s been shot in the heart.

“Oh~ So cute~” He envelopes you into his arms, holding you close and rocks back and forth. It forces a tired giggle from you, and you go limp again when he finally lies still.

“You’ll be my girlfriend.” It’s more of a statement than a question and you hum.

“Of course.” You run your fingers over his collarbone, finally getting to feel and see him. Another cocky grin spreads over his face as you don’t hold back, your hands stopping on the waist band of his pants. He smirks, rolling on top of you, making sure you don’t hold his full weight.

“For now~” You furrow your brow, wondering what he means. One day, my wife.

Master-List

[biblicallyaccuratecrow]

ouroboros rambles chapter 2

you guys seemed to like the chapter 1 rambles, so here is chapter 2!

[spoilers for isat and twohats below the cut]

i would like to start by saying that we all need more mirabelle POV fics in our lives. she deserves only the best.

I always really liked how Mira didn't just. get over act 5? like, the things that siffrin said were hurtful! yes! and she loves him! even after that! but it doesn't erase the pain and the conflicting feelings regarding it, especially because of the no-spoilers rule... which we will get more into i proMISE! in any case I was focused a lot on the fact that Mira post canon is dealing with a Lot, what with everyone still believing that she was chosen by the Change God and yknow. saving Vaugarde, and Siffrin's overall condition doesn't help! She wants him to be okay and safe, and she has already shown that she feels immense guilt over not being able to help siffrin during the loops, so I kinda leaned hard into that.

The entire party is about to be So Tired Of People.... especially The Introverts (Odile, Mira, and Siffrin)...

The fucking cart thing came to me out of fucking nowhere. I have no idea where or why that bit came around.

Siffrin sleeping habits analysis. siffrin sleeps all curled up like a cat most of the time? theyre small scrappy, but not really the most physically strong (before the loops), and i imagine more than a few years of traveling alone would train him to be ready to protect themselves however they can, even in their sleep. I think that this eases up a bit as they get comfortable with the party, which leads to them being able to sleep "normally". but of course, that is how they wake up in the loops. negative association and trauma from waking up back in the meadow..... i don't imagine they'll be going back to that any time soon.

I do have a Full Catalog of Siffrin's injuries (because im actually insane) but that will be talked about in my chapter 3 rambles. for now though, all im gonna say is that Siffrin definitely kept the stars hidden. In my headcanon, healing craft only works when you can actually pinpoint a wound, internal or external. I'm more inclined to believe that siffrin healed them up the best they could on their own after to hide them.

Ohhhh odile. my beloved. i have so many feelings about her and how she processes siffrin's issues postcanon. feelings i will not get into until next chapter. sorry lmaoooooo. All you gotta know for now is that once she starts seeing things, she can't stop. the signs appear everywhere, and she very quickly puts the pieces together from that point. All it takes is one domino to start the cascade, and Odile is the kind of person that WILL get to the bottom of it all, no matter what it takes.

Mira's guilt. Oh man. There are some ways in which her and Siffrin are very alike, and this is one of them. She's justified in being mad, yes, but that doesn't erase the fact that she doesn't want to BE mad. She hates it. because she knows now that siffrin was suffering. She defeated the king, saved vaugarde, but the cost was her friend's health and happiness. siffrin said that they were happiest they'd ever been with the party... and yes, siffrin loves them all deeply, but she never could have wanted that love to come at such a great price.

Mira has gotta be TIRED. girl healed siffrin a grand total of (checks my page of notes from act 5) six times. with very little cooldown. and that was AFTER deflecting the ONE SHOT KILL attack from the king (which, even with the carrot method shield, does at least 1/4 damage) and unfreezing siffrin....ough. let her rest!

i love torturing isa using his crush. its so funny. bro is a disaster. brain completely short circuits at the thought of siffrin in his clothes i can IMAGINE IT SO CLEARLY.... odile is gon abe homophobic soon /silly

Siffrin's wish... this scene was really important to me. Just for clarification (and this will become a LOT more obvious later), I don't really regard this scene as Siffrin getting over what happened? Because he definitely isn't. But they have already literally let go of their wish, and I wanted to explore a more… intentional version of that? its long-lasting effects are still there, mentally and physically. it doesn't just go away. But it has served its purpose and this is my way of showing the transition point from the loops and their future with their family.

Also!!! the idea of mourning something that no longer serves its former purpose, a life you cannot get back. Siffrin can never go back to who they were before their wish. They have been fundamentally changed as a person. And while the wish did bring good things, the flipside is that it also dismantled their entire worldview and life in its entirety. They died from this wish, suffered because of it, but the meaning behind it remains, and i think that this scene kind of shows the idea that siffrin still feels compassion for what it originally meant to them. its a bittersweet reality.

[nahisummerhold]

Staring…

It wasn’t anything that she recognized at the time, a note here, a phrasing, everything just felt a little off, distracting her, making it hard for her to enjoy even simple things. There was a constant something grating on her nerves and she just couldn’t pinpoint it. 

Dornagal and camp had been a calming space that she sought out, now there was a rough noise underlying everything in the city. Rhythmic sounds she could time followed by a grating, like those little instruments they gave children with a stick that they run across the cuts in a gourd. It was constant and yet different each time so she could find no peace with it going on around her. 

Maddening…. 

Dunking her head under the water at the secluded hot spring, hair flowing around her blocking out the city lights, and everything above the water. Nahi held her breath until her lungs burned like the coals from Dice’s grill and forced her to come up from under the water, ombre waves covering her face, drawing them back she looked into the eyes of an Earthen man across the tub

“Why do you move so quickly around the city over and over?” He asked in their normal blunt manner.

Working her fingers through her hair, twisting it, laying back she traps the curls between her body and the wall to keep them in place. Looking straight at this man who was questioning her, “What?”

“You move fast around the city and up and down the stairs a lot. Why do you do this?” 

Nothing about him changed, Nahi had no clue how to read these people and she wasn’t quite sure what he was asking. Trying to picture what he was saying, it finally dawned on her, “Oh move quickly, yes I run in the city and the stairs specifically.”

He kept staring at her, staring and more staring. 

Nahi blinked, blinked again, “Oh why, why do I keep running. I do it to be fit.”

“What do you need to fit in to? All of our doors here accommodate all of you.”

For fel’s sake, Nahi took a breath almost as deeply as she had before going under the water. She really never asked about Earthen anatomy, nor did she want to, which now handicapped her, Nahi had no clue how to explain it without a comparison, but she gave it a valiant effort. “Most of the people not from here can be known to overindulge in food, when we do it adds weight to us, I run so I can indulge in more food.” 

He stared at her again, this was creepy, just stared and didn’t say anything. This Earthen was like one of those dolls you see in haunted home designs, with their unblinking eyes.  

“What?” She snapped, completely out of character for her. 

“What what?” 

Nahi felt her body thrumming with anger, there was so little  of her musical energy to drain this away, as she normally did, “What do you want?”

The man just looked at her, “To sit in the water.” 

“To sit,” she parroted, then shook her head, there was no way she was going to sit here with him staring. There went her whole night, fucking ridiculous. Rising up out of the water she dipped her head in a semblance of politeness, “Enjoy your soak.” All she really wanted to do was to kick him out so she could stay, Nahi was so furious she would have made the water boil if she was still in it.  Wrapping herself in a robe,  twisting her hair into a towel, she headed back to her tent. What a waste of a beautiful night here, why could he not have respected her privacy, was it so hard to just let her enjoy the heat? 

Walking past a building she punched its door and the latch came undone, an Earthen pair stared at her, “Sorry, Sorry.” She closed the door and walked on, all she could see were those eyes staring at her. 

(@dicenne for mention, and @themercenaries )

[yeehawfolk]

Reddit's being a dick and won't let me post something I wrote about why I feel Zelda is still a princess, so here we fucking go, boys.

My thoughts were always that Zelda is a "Princess" in title only (I'm also of the mind that "Princess" in-universe is more of an honorary title when the newest Zelda incarnation shows up, so even if she were technically Queen she'd still be referred to as "Princess"), especially with this portrayal of her. The monarchy and kingdom were destroyed during the Calamity, and the various villages/towns/stables seem to be doing ok without it. There's no more guards; villagers protect each other and their towns with Link, now.

Lemme put this into perspective a bit.

Imagine you're a resident of Hyrule, right? You work at the stable association. Each is fairly far away from one another, but they keep abreast of the news via travellers that come and go. You've never left. You've lived here since you were born, and so has your father, and his before that. It's all you've ever known. One day, you receive a letter from your friend at the next stable over. They say to watch out for a strange traveler on the road; not for any nefarious reason. On the contrary; he's actually quite nice. He helps whoever asks, even if he never flinches when he's tricked into eating a Golden Rhino Beetle and snarfs down barely edible food on the regular. You don't think anything else of it. After all, stable work is hard work, and it quickly leaves your mind.

And then, one day, he appears. You don't see him until he lands in front of you-somewhat painfully-from the sky. A young Hylian with blonde hair and a stoic, stern face. He's wearing only a pair of pants and a hood. When you go to check on him, he dusts himself off and gives you a thumbs up, then proceeds to cook for 3 hours at your cooking pot. He looked so serious picking out incredients, only to light up in joy at the most hideous concoction of a food you've ever seen that it makes you smile yourself, even if the smell makes your eyes water. He eats it, no hesitation, then eats another 10 baked apples from his pouch.

You ask him to get you some ingredients for a dish; he complies eagerly as he pulls from his pouch 200 more of the same. He asks you to braid his horse's mane; you show him how and listen to him hum, even if there's no conversation during, as he only speaks with his hands. He spends the night, and is gone the next morning, hopping onto a wild horse and riding away as you comb your fingers through his unboarded horse's mane. It's an experience you won't forget any time soon, that's for sure.

And then, after you meet this young man, things start to change. The monsters settle down. Lynels start disappearing, and local merchants are flooded with their parts. The Divine Beasts quiet, red lights pinpointed onto the old castle, and guardians are rare if not entirely extinct. There's whispers that the Hero has returned.

You think back to the blonde Hylian with blue eyes who befriended the dog by sneaking them slabs of meat when you weren't looking.

A roar wakes you from your slumber in the middle of the night, shaking the foundations set in place by your grandfather's father. It was unlike anything you had ever heard of, a wail of pure hatred and maliciousness that soaked into your body and chilled your very bones. You barely even noticed it at first, but now that your feet have carried you to the entrance and the inhuman scream petered out, you couldn't tear your eyes away from it.

The sky was red. A deep crimson, the color of blood. Clouds gathered so thick you couldn't see the stars or even the moon. Lightning thrashes through the sheets of rain and illuminates the backdrop of battle; everyone sees it. Its too big to miss. A giant beast blazing with a malice-filled fire, almost as big as Hyrule Castle itself, tusks dripping ooze onto the fields below. The Calamity has risen again, and you can do nothing but cower, stumbling back inside. Feel the enormous rumblings through the soil as your family huddles beneath a table.

You think back to the boy who was good with horses. The boy who brought change on his tail. You wonder, then, if he was in the middle of it all. You feel he is.

Another scream pierces the air. You don't dare move to look again.

Suddenly, light.

Blinding, intense, burning out in a fraction of a second. Spots still dance in your vision, and yet, the quaking of the ground has ceased. The rain still patters on the roof, but the sky no longer looks bloody, and you hesitantly crawl from under the table.

There is only the rain, and there is only the castle in the distance, and there is only silence.

In the weeks after, you see him again. Only this time, he's brought someone else along, a girl around his age. She smiles gently and seems a little shy, but her earnestness in meeting you and your family dulls it all to a slight glimmer and replaces it with a dazzlingly warm glow.

She introduces herself as Zelda. You know the name; everyone does. She's been a story for as long as you have been alive. The daughter of the late king, thought to be dead one hundred years ago, is holding your hand and asking if there's any repairs that need to be done on your stable. Her smile is beautiful, genuine. You don't know what to say, except to nod your head and point her to a spot in the roof you'd had trouble patching without the proper materials.

The boy from before, you learn, is named Link. The Hero from one hundred years ago, who protected her from the Calamity to the end. The last time you saw him, he was kicked off an angry horse and laid motionless so long you thought he had died. They seem close; he leans over her shoulder as she writes in a journal, and she turns to him every now and again to consult with him about it before continuing. No words are shared between them, but they seem to have an understanding even without his hands signing at her. A single motion floats by every now and again, slow and lazy as she adds up supply costs. Together, they watch the sun slowly sink below the horizon.

They decide to stay the night.

Zelda, you learn, is a very driven young girl. In the few weeks she had been free, she had decided to make a trip around to all the stables and make a list of repairs and supplies they will need for them, then they're going to Akkala to meet a friend who might be able to help. After the stables, she says, is the towns. She's especially excited to see Hateno; she has never been, and Link has said she can move into his house.

She talks long into the night about Hyrule and her plans. A smile flashes over a supper she thankfully saved from Link, as bright as the sun when she spoke of her travels so far and all she'd seen. She wants to bring everyone together, you learn, to try to salvage what was lost and build anew; though when her green eyes look up to the the night sky, she pauses and frowns, brow pulling together.

"If only I had been able to awaken my powers sooner, we might have had an easier time rebuilding." You see her gaze searching for something among the stars. Something you don't see. "It... It was because of me that the Champions... and Link..." Looking off at the Hero who was entertaining your younger siblings, she sighs.

You don't know what to say. "Princess-" You begin, but she cuts you off with a sorrowful smile.

"Please, there's no need for formalities." Looking down at her feet and folded hands, she meets your eyes again. "I am no Princess of this kingdom. She has no ruler, anymore. She has become wild and reclaimed and beautiful. I almost feel as if I don't belong in such a place."

Even she, it seems, is still a child, plagued by guilt. She plays with your siblings before they leave the next day, and you spend the morning caring for the horses as they squeal and giggle with delight, Zelda placing her hands over her eyes and dramatically beginning to count; your siblings scuttle off to find spots to hide. When she leaves, she gives the stable a 50 rupee tip on top of costs, promising to bring more supplies for the hole in the roof on her next visit.

As you watch them head back onto the path, Zelda turns and waves before they're out of sight, which you return.

It seems the Princess has returned; not as a monarch of a broken, shattered Hyrule. But as wild and untamed a Princess as her kingdom.

TL;DR: Zelda is a Princess by Association. There's no kingdom to back her authority, no reason to really follow her except for the fact that she has the best interests of Hyrule at heart. She's the figurative Princess of Hyrule that guides them forward, and most everyone likes her because she tries really hard for her people. She's not a monarch in TOTK, hence why there's no need for a coronation to Queen.

[catbread0]

Can I req for kusuriuri? Like, their soul are bond together like the red string of fate and the reader is like from another timeline, specifically 2024 and Kusuriuri is his timeline and when the reader kept following the red string because she was a little envious of her friends that had found their soulmates, the reader was like led to a torii gate and didn’t know that she’s be in a different time line once she stepped inside. Ty!!!!

Ri-Kusuriuri (2007) x Future! Reader

This was a lovely request! Thank you for requesting! I'm sorry for any mistakes!

(*＾▽＾*)

words: 793

Fluff

Mononoke 2007 Materlist

A Past Love

You were lying in bed, staring at the red string on your finger. The red string was attached to the person's finger, and it would lead them to their soulmate.

However, your red string was different. Yes, there was a red string around your finger, but the rest of the string to follow wasn't. It was just a small strand.

The red string can't be cut, so why was yours like this?

All your friends had found their soulmates, always on dates, talking about them, posting with them. They looked like those Hollywood romance love movies with a happily ever after. Meanwhile, you were the only person in your friend group to not find your soulmate.

You didn’t fit in.

You were envious of their relationships, but you didn’t hate them for it. It wasn’t something that they did on purpose. Were you even destined to have a soulmate? Did not one person in the universe romantically love you?

You let out a heavy sigh from your thoughts and saw it was late outside, and you decided to get into your sleeping wear and get some rest. 

A few hours have passed, and you wake up to a sudden feeling on your finger. As you groggily sit up and look at your finger, you see a long red string attached.

That immediately awakened you, and you looked at your phone. It was the middle of the night. You suddenly felt a hard thug on your finger, as if it was trying to pull you somewhere.

You wanted to change first, but the string kept tugging more rougher that it nearly dragged you off your bed. You just put on whatever shoes you found, a jacket, and took your phone and ran as the string kept pulling. It felt as if it would break off your finger at any time soon due to its strength and constant tugging as you run.

The string led you outside of the area you lived in and into the deeper parts of the woods, then to the mountains, and soon, you found an entrance to a cave. You were hesitant to enter. Nevertheless, you continued due to the strings pulling.

As you went further into the cave, you saw a light from the distance. The light was from a Torii gate, and you stood in front of it. 

That's where the string ended.

You were about to lose hope and go back home. All of a sudden, the Torii gate opens a portal, although it doesn't show where it led. The string tugged at you to continue into the portal, and so you followed.

You were now lying in a field of grass while unconscious. The moment you get your consciousness back, your eyes shoot open, and you quickly sit up.

You look around at your surroundings and realize you are now wearing a yukata!

You looked for your phone, but to no luck. Instead, you would only find a pouch with a couple of gold coins.

You heard many voices further into the woods and decided to walk towards it. Maybe someone could help you. Soon, you ended up in a busy market street. However, you noticed how everything was very outdated.

You couldn't pinpoint what exact year it was, but you could tell it was nowhere near 2024. Nevertheless, you continued to follow your red string while trying to keep away from any stares you attracted.

Soon, you find yourself in front of a large boat and pay a fee to a little elderly-looking man. As you explored the top of the ship, you heard others introducing themselves. You did as well and saw the last person.

That’s when you looked down at the strange man, and you realized the red string was connected to him. You didn’t hesitate to immediately run down to reach this supposed ‘medicine seller’.

He was just now around the corner, but something was stopping you….

Would he see you as a nuisance? Would you even be what he’s looking for? What about your family? Your friends? 

“Are you going to just stand there?”

You were suddenly taken out of your train of thought when an unsettling monotone voice spoke. 

You just looked at him and wanted to say something. However, no words could be spoken. You didn’t know what to say.

As silence filled between the two of you, he took your hand that had the red string and examined it. His slender hands felt rough against yours.

His eyes wandered off to your figure, examining every inch of you. You felt as if you were burning up and wanted the floor to swallow you whole.

Finally, the silence was broken by him, “I wondered when we would cross paths…again.”

~Lilly's

[whiteqnn]

PURE [5] - Corpse Husband x Fem!Reader

A/N: It’s been a while.  

part 1

part 2

part 3

part 4

PURE [5]

“Did you guys find anybody?” Felix’s voice sounded out when the man repeated the same question for what seemed like the third time since he joined the call. The number of players showed 7 of them, which meant that they were still missing three people. Sure, they could start the game now, but it would be way more enjoyable and funny with a full lobby. 

“Yeah, Toast will be here any moment. “Sykkuno replied right away. “He just texted me; he should join us in a few.”

“Cool. Anyone else?” 

“I think Corpse was also supposed to join us, right? Not sure though why he isn’t here yet.” 

“Oh, yeah, Corpse will be here soon too!” Jack suddenly chimed in with an explanation. “He said he needed to take care of something first, but he’ll be here before we start.” 

“Great. But that means we’re still one person short.” Felix hummed when Toast’s little astronaut appeared in the lobby “Hey Toast."

“Hey man.”

“Do you have anyone coming?”

“I’m afraid not. I asked MrBeast, but he’s busy, so...”

“Well then, we can just start when Corpse is here, and maybe we’ll find someone in the meantime?” Dave suggested, earning a few hums of approval from the other players. 

“Yeah, I think that’s the best option...” Jack agreed. But then his voice blared out in everyone’s headphones with excitement. “Ha! Corpse is bringing someone!” 

“Who?” 

“I dunno, he just texted me he has one coming and that’s all.” 

“Hm, all right. Let’s wait then.”

***

Corpse fidgeted with his phone, glancing between its screen and the chat in his stream. People were already asking countless questions, but rather than answering them, he was waiting for Y/N to call him. He was nervous - the girl still hadn’t commented on his request. 

The idea to invite her to the lobby wasn’t spontaneous. In fact, he’d been thinking about it for quite some time now, but never found the courage to actually ask if she would like to join them for the game.

It’s been almost a month now since that memorable phone call. A month since Y/N last played with her friends; a month since she considerably reduced her social media usage. 

Sure, she was still active on her youtube channel, but not as much as before the whole haters situation. No matter how hard she tried to just ignore them and simply continue her career, she just couldn’t. There were still these nagging thoughts at the back of her mind, reminding her of all those people and their comments, their messages. It seemed like a good idea to take a short break and sort everything out.

Her fans understood it. They were obviously sad that her videos weren’t as frequent as before, but everyone knew what the situation looked like and that Y/N needed some time for herself. 

Her audience knew it, and so did her friends. Especially Corpse. 

The man kept his word and talked to the girl whenever she wanted to. Which, in the end, was almost everyday. Although at the beginning their conversations mostly focused on her current problem and dealing with it, their topics broadened over the time. 

At one point though, Y/N started worrying that maybe she’s annoying him with her so frequent calls. She thought that she shouldn’t bother him that much - even if talking to him was what really helped her cope with her problems. He already had enough on his plate, and sharing her own concerns with him suddenly seemed like a very selfish thing to do.

But she quickly realized how wrong she was for thinking like that. When one day she didn’t call, figuring out that she should stop troubling him with her own issues, she was very surprised when Corpse reached out to her himself. He expressed how worried he got when she didn’t call, and when she explained what was the reason, he spent the next fifteen minutes lecturing her that she should never think she’s bothering him. 

From that day on, they talked every single day. And they talked about almost everything.

Corpse enjoyed their late night-talks more than anything. He liked to listen to Y/N talk about the things she finds exciting, her hobbies, and her dreams. Hell, she could talk about what she ate for breakfast, and he would still listen with interest. 

And even though they haven’t seen each other in person, even though she still hasn’t seen his face, they managed to get really close during those past weeks. For an outside observer (who also didn’t have access to Twitter) they would seem like a couple of very good friends.

But not for Corpse.

He couldn’t pinpoint when exactly did it happen. They were talking one evening and Y/N was telling him about the TV series she had finished watching recently. He listened intently and watched as her facial expressions changed from excited to frustrated, as she was enumerating everything she liked and disliked about the series finale.

And then he suddenly got this weird feeling in the pit of his stomach, and simply couldn’t take his eyes off her. 

He tried to play it off and act as if nothing changed, but he couldn’t stop his heart from doing backflips whenever she laughed at one of his dumb jokes or called him partner. It was still a running joke between them and among the group of their friends, but there was something in the way she said it that made him instantly smile like an idiot. 

He also started paying more attention to the hashtags on Twitter and Instagram. #PartnersInCrime was still rather popular, even though it was a month since anyone last used this phrase on stream. Corpse also found out that #Y/Nforthebride was trending for some time; he even managed to stumble across a few fanarts. 

There was this urge to send them to Y/N, but he was too nervous that it would make things awkward between them... After all, he didn’t know how she felt about that whole shipping thing. 

That’s why he decided to just leave things between them as they are, and be happy that he’s at least her friend.  

Corpse nearly jumped out of his skin, when he was brought back to reality by the sound of an upcoming FaceTime call. Y/N’s photo appeared on his screen, her smiley face which he had assigned as her contact photo. His lips corners curled up in a smile almost unwittingly. 

“Hey Y/N/N” he said after answering the call. 

“Hi Corpse” she smiled softly upon hearing his voice. Although the screen on her side was dark, she didn’t mind not seeing Corpse’s face. She respected his wish to remain faceless and enjoyed their conversations anyway. 

“Whatcha doin’?”

“Just editing the new video. I guess I’ll upload it in the morning... but I’m not sure yet.”

“Well let me know then, I wanna be the first one to see it.” 

“Sure thing, Corpse” she chuckled, lowering her gaze bashfully. Corpse just looked at her face for a moment, unable to stop smiling to himself. Then he remembered why they were talking in the first place.

“So... have you seen my text?” Y/N sighed at his question but nodded her head slowly. “And what do you think?”

“I don’t know, Corpse...” she ran a hand through her hair in a nervous gesture. “...if that’s a good idea, I mean.”

“Well, it’s been a while. No pressure though, if you don’t wanna play then it’s totally fine.” he quickly clarified. “I just thought it would be fun if you joined us, even if just for a moment. I’m sure everyone would go crazy.” 

Her smile widened slightly at his words, but she still didn’t look convinced. Sure, it was tempting to join them. She wanted to do it each time Sean or Felix bombarded her with messages and codes to the lobby, both inviting her to join the group in the game. But then she remembered how people reacted to her appearance in their streams... and suddenly it didn’t seem like such a good idea anymore.

“We’re gonna play on Polus...” he added after a moment when she still didn’t say anything. “That one map with the planetary base... there’s a lava pit, y’know. Just saying...”

She laughed wholeheartedly at his words, remembering their last game when Corpse jumped into the lava for her. 

“Sykkuno’s gonna be there as well” Corpse continued. “And I promise I won’t kill you this time.”

“Even if I’m the last player alive?” she joked.

“Even then, Y/N.”

Corpse stifled a laugh, as she cocked her head to the side and narrowed her eyes slightly as if trying to spot him in the darkness. 

“Are you streaming, Corpse?” she then asked.

“Not yet. I’m gonna start the stream as soon as you say yes, though.”

“Oh c’mon” she laughed at his words “That’s emotional blackmail!” 

“Maybe. Is it working?” he asked.

Y/N let out a heavy breath and ran a hand down her face. Corpse watched in anticipation as she seemed to have some internal battle with herself. He hoped that she’s gonna agree, he really missed playing with her. 

“All right, then.” she suddenly said, and his breath hitched in his throat. “I’m gonna stay for a few rounds I guess...”

“Wait, really?” he asked, a smile on his face only widening. 

“Well, yeah, partner.” she replied, which made his cheeks go warm “Your imposter techniques haven’t been very effective lately... Someone needs to help you out, or you’re gonna lose your title of the king of the Imposters.” 

“Oh, is that’s how it is now?” he laughed in fake shock. “I wouldn’t have to worry about losing the title if my accomplice hadn’t left me all alone!” 

“All right, all right.” she giggled at his accusations. “Your accomplice is on her way to support you.” 

Corpse smiled even wider at the sound of her laughter. Her eyes shined with happiness when she was giggling, which only brought out their E/C color. The fact that his stupid babbling was the reason for her smile was making him feel extremely proud of himself.  

“But just so you know... I still have no idea how this map works, so I’m afraid I’m gonna need you to guide me around it...”

“Y’know you could as well just say you want to hang out with me...”

“Corpse!” she laughed, her cheeks blushing in embarrassment. 

“Just kidding Y/N” he chuckled at her reaction. “Of course I’m gonna guide you, don’t worry.”

“Okay then...” she said after a moment, looking at the screen again. “I’ll be there in a few minutes. Will you send me the code, please?”

“Sure I will, Y/N” 

“Okay. See you later, partner” she smiled brightly. 

“See you, partner.” 

When Y/N ended the call, Corpse let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He sighed in relief and ran a hand through his hair, before moving to sit behind his desk.

It was only after he started the stream that he realized he was blushing. Not only because Y/N would join them, but because there was also another thing he wanted to ask her about, but didn’t find the courage to yet... 

***

By the time Y/N turned on her computer and started the game, Corpse has already sent her the code, and there was a Discord invite waiting for her as well. She bit her lip nervously as her heartbeat quickened. 

Was she nervous? As hell. 

She did everything she could to avoid being in unnecessary spotlight since she started receiving those hate messages. Perhaps escaping the problem wasn’t the best solution, but it definitely was a comfortable one. People wouldn’t have a reason to hate on her if she disappeared. 

But then she couldn’t say no to Corpse. And truth to be said - she really missed playing with her friends. From what she’d seen on Twitter, the lobby would be filled with those she’d already played with, so she wasn’t that nervous before the game. What she was nervous about though, was how people would react.

Accepting Corpse’s request was something she did due to the sudden rush of courage. And now there was no coming back.

She knew Corpse would understand if she changed her mind... but she heard how excited he was when she had agreed. She couldn’t do it to him. 

So, once she’d taken a deep breath and put her headphones on, Y/N accepted the invite and braced herself for the inevitable chaos that was bound to take place in the call. She decided to wait with joining the lobby though - at least until they realize she’s with them. 

“..the fuck you’re talking about?!” Felix’s voice was the first thing she heard, which made her roll her eyes with a smile. “It’s not my fault I sound like that! At least I don’t have a liar voice like Rae!” 

“HEY!” the girl yelled “I don’t have a liar voice!”

“You do, you’re using it even now!” Jack argued, much to Rae’s dismay. 

“What is going on here” Corpse’s deep voice sounded out suddenly. 

“Oh, you’re here! Finally” Sykkuno immediately welcomed him with his always happy voice. 

“Yeah, sorry that I’m late guys.”

“No worries, man” Pewdiepie spoke up again. “We were just talking about playing the voice card and that you’re basically the only one who can do it.” 

“Not fair at all!” Rae chimed in, making Corpse chuckle. 

“The voice card...” he hummed after a moment, before adding. “I wouldn’t really say I’m the only one though...”

“Well who else then? Everyone else either starts laughing or have a liar voice” Dave asked, and Rae scoffed at the last words.

“Well what about my guest?”

Y/N inhaled sharply, realizing that now she should probably reveal herself. 

“Oh, right! Who you’re bringing man?” Sean asked with curiosity.

That’s when Y/N typed in the game code, and her white astronaut appeared in the lobby. 

“Wait, who’s- HOLY SHIT” Sean all but yelled, when realization hit him. Y/N laughed loudly at his reaction, and her voice only seemed to prove to everyone that she really was there. 

“KIDDO WHAT THE FUCK” Felix reflected Jack’s response, yelling over his friend.

“Oh my god, hi!”

“What a surprise!” Y/N managed to catch Sykkuno’s words. “It’s so amazing to have you here, Y/N/N!” 

“As I live and breathe.” another voice spoke up, and Toast’s little astronaut came face to face with her white bean. “My lifelong nemesis. Back here snap my neck again, huh?”

“Yeah, happy to hear you too, Toast” Y/N giggled at his words, then she adressed the whole group. “Hi guys.”

“Okay I did not expect that in the slightest” Sean laughed happily “You’re here kiddo!” 

“I am” she smiled from ear to ear, even though they couldn’t see her. 

“Wait- Corpse, is that the thing you had to take care of?” her best friend asked Corpse with suspicious voice. 

“Well...” he trailed off and cleared his throat, making everyone laugh.

“That’s so great Y/N! We missed you so much!” Rae thundered over the bickering of the boys. “The game hasn’t been the same without you...”

“Agreed. I suddenly stopped dying.” Toast commented, making her roll her eyes with a laugh. 

“I don’t know if I should be happy or fucking scared right now.” Felix laughed nervously. “With Corpse and Y/N? We’re fucked now, guys.”

“I promise I’ll go easy on you, I haven’t played in so long I think I forgot all my strategies...” 

“Yeah, sure.” Toast’s forever suspicious voice made her smile wider. “Just don’t kill me in the first roung, okay? I won’t vote you off just stay the fuck away from me you little murderer.” 

“Okay, I promise I won’t kill you...” 

She couldn’t stop herself from laughing, and the smile remained on her face even when they started the game. It only seemed to widen, when she saw the sign Imposter on her screen. 

Only to giggle hysterically when she realized that Toast was the other imposter...

And so the game went on with Y/N and Toast cooperating like perfect serial killers. Corpse did as he promised and guided her through the map, both of them being closely followed by Sykkuno. Because of that she’d just sabotage the map most of the time to give Toast opportunities to kill their friends, but eventually managed to sneak out when her two fellow crewmates were doing their tasks. It just so happen that Pewds was walking past her, and she might’ve accidentally snapped his neck... 

“Goddamnit! I knew it! I fucking knew it was you!” Sean yelled once the game was over and Y/N saw the sign VICTORY on her screen, her small character standing next to Toast’s one. He was ejected at some point because Poki managed to walk in on him killing Rae, but Y/N remained undetected until the very end. Perhaps the fact that Corpse was one of the two crewmates who were left alive had something to do wtih it...

“That was rude” Pewds said in a whiny voice, clearly referring to their encounter which led to his death. “I was just happily walking around, doing my tasks like a good crewmate, and then boom! Y/N happened” 

“I would say I’m sorry... but I’m really not” she laughed, making Felix gasp in shock.

“That’s what happens when you work with Toast!” 

“Good game, Y/N. That was amazing” the man in question said appreciatively. 

“Will you finally forgive me for killing you that one time if I say that being imposters with you was cool?” she laughed nervously. 

“Actually... Yeah, I guess we can bury the hatchet now. AND we should team up more in the future.”

“Great!” 

“Excuse me, what?” Corpse’s voice made the whole lobby laugh. “I don’t remember us cancelling our partnership, Y/N.”

“Corpse...” 

“Are you trying to steal my accomplice from me Toast?” 

“Well she’s a great partner in crime after all...” Toast deliberately used the phrase, making Corpse gasp.

“Hey! She’s my partner! Find yourself your own, Toast” Corpse joked, making Y/N laugh bashfully, her cheeks warming up at his words. 

“Yeah yeah, I remember, don’t worry man. No one’s gonna take your partner in crime away from you...” Toast’s teasing voice made them all laugh, Corpse and Y/N included. 

For the next few rounds Y/N played as a crewmate, running around the map with either Corpse or Sykkuno and doing her tasks. During meetings they joked and laughed, and for a moment, she stopped thinking about what people watching her friend’s streams might think about her presence. After all, there was at least a small chance that they didn’t think about it at all, and simply enjoyed watching their favoirte youtubers. Just as she enjoyed playing with her friends. 

Oh, and by the way, Corpse kept his promise and didn’t kill her even when she was the last player alive...

It was soon time when everyone started slowly leaving the lobby, having played for over three hours. Y/N also said her goodbyes to the others and promised that she’d join them to play a game called Raft next week. 

When she turned her computer off and threw herself on her bed, Y/N immediately grabbed her phone to call Corpse. He answered right away. 

“Well hello, partner...” she rolled her eyes with a smile when he accented the last word. “Or should I say, traitor, instead?” 

“Corpse... you know I would never betray you...” 

“Well how can I be so sure, now that I know how cool it is to be imposters with Toast?” she knew he was joking, she could almost hear the smile in his voice.

“Not nearly as cool as it is with you, Corpse” Y/N grinned from ear to ear when Corpse scoffed. 

“I spare your life so many times and that’s what I get in return? You cheat on me with Toast?” he said in disbelief “I’m disappointed, Y/N, I really am.”

“I would never!” she laughed through her words, even though her cheeks were now red because of Corpse’s words. “You’re the best partner in crime, Corpse, I wouldn’t trade you for anyone else!” 

Not only in the game, she thought.

“Hmm, alright. Let’s say I believe you.” he said after a moment of thinking. 

“I mean it, Corpse...” Y/N said after calming down from her laughter. “I... I really wanted to thank you.”

“Thank me? For what?” he asked, genuinely surprised. 

“Well, first of all for inviting me to today’s game... I really had lots of fun, it was great to play and talk with the others. And I wouldn’t be in the lobby if not for you...” Y/N mumbled, before verbalizing her previous thoughts. “And I also wanted to thank you for just... you know... being my friend. My real life partner in crime. I just wanted you to know I’m really glad I met you...” 

Corpse was silent for a good few moments, and Y/N started panicking that maybe she said something wrong, or maybe he found her spontaneous confession funny, or worse, dumb. She was almost ready to somehow laugh it all off, when his voice cut her off.

“Thank you, Y/N. It really means a lot to me too.” he sounded like he had some troubles with speaking, which made Y/N furrow her brows in worry.

“Is everything okay, Corpse?” 

“Yeah, I...” he stuttered, then laughed nervously. “I just didn’t expect that and... yeah. It’s not something I hear on a daily basis, especially from someone like you.”

Someone like me? 

 “But what you said... it’s mutual.” he said after a moment, and Y/N couldn’t stop herself from grinning like an idiot. “You’re the best partner in crime I could ask for. And not only in the game.” 

She could as well just pass out there and there...

“So uhm... there was one thing I wanted to ask you...”

“Yeah?”

“I was wondering if maybe... you know, if you’d have some time... and if you’d want to of course... would you maybe like to visit me here in San Diego?”

Yeah, passing out seems like a good idea. 

***

This is not the last part. 

TAG LIST: 

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[purple-babygirl]

you got me reading all your works from 4 AM till 6 AM today, and I have zero regrets. And I’d do it all again. I truly love all of your works, especially those that has anything to do with Bucky.

Now all I can think about is Bucky’s reaction and care to finding out that his Little got an injury—one that she been hiding from him. Omg the fluff.

Anyway, have a great day!

Pairing: Poly!SamBucky x little!f!reader

Word count: 3,381 (i know i know...)

Warnings: polyamory, ddlg dynamics, excessive, probably unnecessary, fluff no one asked for.

A/N: Nonnie, I'm honored💜. Thank you so much for sending me this, you've warmed my heart to no extent💜💜. It is everything when you tell me you like what I share with you. You're so amazing and I hope I'll always deliver and never disappoint you ily:"💜 I know you only said Bucky but I couldn't help but get Papa!Sam in there too, hope you're not mad at me?:" Please enjoy xx.

~~

don't hide

"Oh, we forgot the toilet paper!" Sam groaned, "I'll go get it. Wait here, sugar, okay? Eyes on the bags and don't move. Papa will be right back," he said before marching back to the big store's entrance, leaving her by the car with all the grocery bags.

Papa said to wait there. Papa warned her that the ground was snowy and slippery and dangerous. Papa told her not to move, she reminded herself but she just couldn't help it. She had to grab that orange.

A bag had fallen on its side out of nowhere and an orange had fallen out and rolled away. She needed to get it before Papa came back or else he'd know she wasn't watching the bags and was zoned out instead. She'd be careful and she'd take the fruit and come back to where Papa left her and he wouldn't even know it. She'd take small steps and she'd be quick. Plus, she was a big girl; she'd never slip, right?

Wrong.

Before she could catch herself, her foot was slipping, her arms were flailing and she was on her back on the cold, hard icy ground. She squeaked, pain shooting through her spine like an electric shock. Through panic and pain, she got hold of the stray fruit, managing to get herself up and back to where she was supposed to be standing the whole time before Sam made his way back to her.

"There we go," Sam sighed, setting the bag with the toilet paper beside the others and opening the car.

She was silent, biting down on her lip to stifle the pained whimpers ready to leave her mouth.

"You ready to go, sugar?" He asked her as he stacked the last bag in the car, slamming the back shut.

"Yes, papa." She nodded, the bones supporting her neck hurting as she tried her best not to cry when she slightly bent to get in the backseat.

She didn't say anything. She couldn't. Daddy and Papa were taking her sledding in the park the next day and she couldn't even be good and obey one single thing she was told. They'd definitely cancel the whole day and make her stay home if they knew what she did. And not only that but she'd surely be punished for not listening and not being careful enough. She could take it. She could play, sled and smile through the pain. Plus, she was a big girl; she could handle a little fall, right?

Wrong.

Her back was killing her. She tried not to hiss when Papa put her seat belt on for her. She had no idea how she'd make it through the day.

~

"Show daddy what you got him, sugar!" Sam encouraged after leaving the bag of goods on the table for her, walking to the kitchen to drop a bunch of grocery bags

She carefully pulled a chair out and slowly climbed on top, rummaging through the bag until she found a packet of Bucky's favourite cookies. She'd pointed at them as soon as she saw them at the store and didn't stop until Papa got them down the high shelf and into the cart.

Bucky's appreciative smile lit up the room, "oh, for me?"

"Yes, daddy. Got 'em for you." She nodded timidly, playing with her sleeve.

He accepted the cookies with a giddy grin and went to store them in place in the kitchen. She giggled, proud she was the reason Daddy was smiling.

"Thank you, love." Before she could stop him, Bucky was hugging her tight, metal arm pressing on her back to pull her body to his.

The chocked whimper she let out didn't go unnoticed by the super soldier.

"You okay, doll?" Bucky raised a worried brow, flesh hand rubbing circles on her back as a sort of habit.

"Yes, daddy. I'm fine," she lied, held-in tears burning the back of her eyes. She just needed him to stop touching her spine.

"You sure?"

"Sugar, go wash your hands we just got back from outside," Sam reminded, saving her from repeating the lie to Bucky.

"Yes, papa." Her socked feet padded on the floor as she left for the bathroom.

Bucky shrugged it off for now, walking outside to help Sam with the bags. She probably wanted more candy than she was allowed and Sam refused or something of that sort.

~

When she was done washing her hands, she tiptoed to her bedroom and did her best to redress herself fast. Her discoloured skin looked awful in the mirror. She couldn't let her daddies see the huge bruise that was forming on her back, innocently praying it'd disappear over night so they could still go sledding the next morning.

"You changed by yourself?" Sam furrowed his eyebrows upon seeing her in a comfier outfit. He knew for a fact Bucky didn't help her because he was washing strawberries in the sink behind him.

"Yes, papa," she muttered hesitantly, fearing his reaction.

"Why didn't you call me or daddy, baby? We could've helped."

"Papa and daddy are busy, didn' wanna bother you," she lied again.

"Doll, we'll never be too busy to look after our favourite girl. You can always ask for daddy and papa's help, okay?" Bucky assured her gently.

"Yes, dada."

"Good girl, here," Bucky grinned, offering her a strawberry.

"Tank you." She took it with a smile and hummed after the first bite, making Sam chuckle.

"You did a good job dressing yourself, sugar. We're proud of you." Sam let his hand cradle the small of her back so he could kiss her forehead.

She whimpered again, biting her lip hard and closing her eyes.

"Everything alright, baby?"

"Yes, papa. Strawberry tastes so good."

"Okay, baby. Go play in your room till me and daddy get lunch ready."

"Yes, papa." She pecked Sam's cheek before leaving the kitchen.

"She's lying," Bucky told his husband as soon as she got inside her playroom.

"I know."

~

She spent the rest of the morning suffering in silence. Her back hurt whenever it came in contact with anything. She couldn't lean forward, or backward. She couldn't even lay down for nap time, crying into her pillow as soon as her daddies left the room.

She'd try not to whine when Daddy's palm touched her upper back. She couldn't enjoy watching her favourite show on TV because she was too busy trying not to pull away when Papa hugged her to his chest while she was on his lap.

As the hours passed, she was in so much pain it was showing all over her face. Sam and Bucky were worried that she wasn't saying anything. They knew something was wrong they just didn't know what. They failed to notice her features scrunching up in pain whenever they touched her because, in their defense, they were always touching her. So they couldn't really pinpoint the problem.

"There you go, sugar." Sam handed her a plastic cup, half full of strawberry milk he'd just whipped in the blender for her.

"Thank you, papa." She smiled gratefully, stretching her neck to kiss his cheek, her face twisting in pain as a result.

"Doll, are you sure you're okay? Do you have a tummy ache? Do you feel sick?" Bucky questioned softly, all while rubbing circles on her upper back.

"No, dada. I'm okay," she continued to lie, sipping from her straw quickly so maybe Bucky would stop and let her drink in peace.

Bucky looked to Sam in defeat and the latter just shrugged at him helplessly.

"Love, me and papa are worried there's something you're not telling us." Bucky's hand caressed further down to the small of her back and she couldn't help but wince, dropping her cup.

Strawberry milk covered her chest and lap and she couldn't hold it in anymore. She started crying and apologizing, thinking there was no way out of punishment for her now. They were going to find out.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, sugar. It was an accident. It's okay." Sam tried to soothe her but her cries only grew louder as she let all the tears out.

Her body hurt so bad and it didn't help that Bucky was patting her back to calm her coughs and sobs.

"Come with me, doll. Let's get you cleaned up." She cried harder at Bucky's statement, knowing they were going to see her back now.

"No, daddy, please. Don't wanna." She shook her head, choking on her tears. She made no effort to go to his open arms like she would.

It broke Bucky's heart a tiny bit. He started to think he'd done something; that she was like that all day because of him for some reason.

"But baby, you're soaked in milk. You can't stay like that!" Sam didn't wait for her refusal, slipping his arms under her legs and carrying her body off the couch.

"No, no, papa, please." Her tears wet Sam's sweater, her thrashing hurting her muscles even more.

"Stop crying, sugar. Tell me what's wrong," Sam said, sitting down on the closed toilet lid with her on his lap.

She remained silent, her fist rubbing at her teary eye and her lips trembling.

"Is there anything you wanna tell me and daddy, baby?" Sam tried again, making brief eye contact with a worried Bucky preparing a bath.

"Wanna shower by myself," she muttered when her sobs died out, tears still leaving her red eyes.

"You know we can't let you do that, doll," Bucky sighed.

"B-But I dressed by myself," she cried more, leaning on Sam's chest.

"This is different, baby." He kissed her forehead.

"Why don't you want our help, doll? What is it?"

She was quiet again, making both men sigh.

"Alright, love, hands up," Bucky instructed but she shook her head.

"Come on now, be good. We gotta get you cleaned up, baby, or you're gonna be all sticky," Sam told her, fingers tugging at the hem of her sweater.

She gave up fighting; her back was sore and she knew her daddies were going to get her in that bath no matter what. She closed her eyes when the sweater was pulled over her head, preparing herself for Daddy's reaction.

"My goodness, doll! What happened?!" Bucky exclaimed in worry and she started sobbing again.

"What is it?"

"Look at her back, it's messed up!" Bucky gestured to the huge purple and blue bruise, whispering the last part of his sentence.

"Oh my god! How did you get this?!" Sam's eyes widened as he questioned her and she only cried more.

It broke their heart. She was in so much pain all morning and they had no idea. How could they be so inattentive?

"Hey, baby, no, it's alright. We just wanna know how you got hurt, sugar. You're not in trouble," Sam reassured, pushing her hair out of her face while Bucky ever so tenderly examined her bruises.

"I'm sorry, papa. I'm so sorry," she cried in his chest, "I- I didn' listen when you- told me to stay I- the orange fell out an- and I wanted to get it and I fell d-down an' hurt m-myself." She tried to explain between hiccups as Sam bit down in realization and regret.

"Aw, sugar," Sam sighed, feeling guilt gnaw at him for leaving her alone by the car. What was he thinking? How could he leave her all by herself like that? She was just a little baby!

"Papa's sorry, baby. Papa's so sorry he left you standing alone and went back inside." Sam apologized, kissing away the tears soaking her cheeks while she sniffled and hiccuped.

"Don't cry, doll. We're not sad with you. You didn't do anything wrong," Bucky cooed, his thumb wiping the tears down her chin and neck.

"B-But I was bad." She looked at Bucky with teary eyes.

"No, doll, you weren't bad. You were just tryna help Papa because you're a good girl." Bucky kissed her temple, holding her forehead to his cheek while he looked at Sam.

The man was zoned out, probably beating himself up somewhere in his mind.

"Let's just get you in the tub for now and then we can let the doctor take a look at your back, okay?"

"What if he gives me shots?"

"He's not gonna give you shots, doll. Only something to apply to your bruise, nothing painful or scary." Bucky promised, easing her off Sam's lap to get the rest of her clothes off.

Sam scratched his head before abruptly standing from the toilet seat, "I'll go start dinner."

Bucky sighed when his husband left the bathroom. He knew Sam was feeling guilty for their baby getting hurt and while he wanted to assure him it wasn't his fault, he had to tend to her for the time being.

"There you go, doll." Bucky carefully lowered her in the tub, letting the warm, soaped water soothe the ache in her muscles.

"Dada, can you come too?" She asked quietly, noiseless tears still leaving her eyes.

Bucky stripped himself at once, cautiously getting behind her in the tub before pressing her back to his chest. She sighed as he held her to him, Bucky's chest being much comfier than the solid ceramic of the tub.

"Is papa mad at me?" She asked Bucky, her voice trembling and breaking as she continued to cry.

"No, no, doll. Papa's not mad at you one bit, he's just worried about you," Bucky said, his hands rubbing softly on her tummy as he kissed her shoulder.

"Then why'd he leave?" Her voice was squishing Bucky's heart and he just wanted both his babies to feel better.

"He's preparing dinner for you, baby. Papa loves you; he could never be mad at you." Bucky turned her head so she could face him and wiped her tears away.

"We love you, doll. No one is mad at you. Daddy and Papa only want you to be okay. We just wanna keep you safe," Bucky told her warmly and she nodded, wrapping her arms around Bucky's neck and burrowing her face in the crook of it.

~

After her bath, Bucky got out first, telling her to wait while he got towels. But instead his legs took him to Sam.

"I feel like shit for not noticing too," Bucky muttered behind his spouse.

"It's not only that- what are you doing strolling around the house in just a towel after a warm bath?! Bucky, you'll catch a cold-" Sam scolded when he turned around and saw Bucky undressed.

Bucky put his mouth on Sam's in an attempt to calm his anxiety.

"I'm gonna be fine and so is she," Bucky promised against Sam's lips, cupping his cheek.

"I left her alone, Buck. She got hurt because of me."

"No, love, no. It was an accident. It could've happened anywhere any time."

"I still shouldn't have left her."

"Then we know not to do it again. Don't beat yourself up over it and distance yourself like that."

"I'm not distancing myself."

"Sam, she thinks you're sad with her. Please, love," Bucky begged, his thumb swiping over Sam's skin until the latter nodded with a sigh.

"Now go put on something."

"I thought you liked me naked," Bucky teased.

"Go." Sam lightly slapped his rear.

"I'm going." Bucky laughed, kissing Sam's lips one last time before retreating to the bathroom.

~

Bucky dressed her in something warm and told her to wait a minute while he got ready so he could take her to the doctor's. She peaked out of her room, hearing onions sizzling in the kitchen. She walked over to Sam as he poured tomato juice and the pot hissed.

"Papa? Are you mad?" She tugged at Sam's sleeve, red-rimmed eyes staring up at the man.

Sam sighed, turning off the stove. He took her hand in his and walked out of the kitchen with her, sitting down on the couch and motioning for her to sit on his lap.

"Why didn't you say anything, sugar?" Sam asked, putting her hair behind her ear.

"I'm sorry, papa," shs teared up, "I thought you'd be mad at me and think I'm bad and not wanna take me sledding no more."

"Baby, I'd never get mad at you for getting hurt. Ever." Sam reassured her, not letting his eyes get glossy with the tears he held in.

"If you get hurt me and papa will take care of you no matter what, doll. That's the only consequence. Do you understand me, love?" Bucky added, walking out of the bedroom with a jacket in hand.

"Yes, daddy." She nodded, throwing herself in Bucky's arms, "I'm sorry. I love you."

"We love you too, doll." Bucky kissed her head, careful not to hug or squeeze her too tight.

"Papa, will you come to the doctor wimme and daddy?" She asked Sam sweetly, leaning on his chest after leaving Bucky's hold.

"Of course, sugar." Sam's thumb stroked her cheek softly.

"And we can still go sledding in the park tomorrow?"

"Oh no, baby, we can't go tomorrow."

"But you said you weren't mad." Her lip jutted out in a pout.

"I'm not mad, baby, I promise, but you're hurt."

"But the doctor is gonna fix it," she whined

"He's a doctor, sugar, not a wizard!" Sam chuckled

"Because wizards don't exist."

"They do exist, but that's not the point," Sam argued and Bucky playfully rolled his eyes behind her back.

"But papa-"

"No buts, doll. We'll go as soon as you get better and we'll stay as long as you want, yeah?"

"Yes, daddy." She complied, knowing they were right; her back was achy and stinging.

~

As promised the doctor gave her no needles, only a prescription of a cream for her back and a painkiller.

"Daddy, I don't wanna," she whimpered as Bucky lifted her PJs up. She was afraid of the pain she would feel once Bucky started massaging the substance onto her skin.

"I'm gonna be gentle, doll. I promise."

"It's gonna hurt," she complained more.

"Here, sugar, hold papa's hands and daddy will be done before you know it." Sam opened his palms and she immediately put her smaller hands on top.

"There you go, all set. We're ready, daddy," Sam told Bucky, squeezing her hands and smiling comfortingly at her.

She gave half a smile back, blushing as she felt Bucky ever so softly lay kisses down her hurt back.

Sam chuckled, kissing the back of her hand. She slightly hissed when Bucky touched her skin with the cold cream, his pointer and middle spreading it around on the bruises.

"Anywhere else hurts, love?"

"Right here, daddy." She pointed to the back of her neck.

Before Bucky could, Sam tilted himself forward and kissed from the ends of her hair down to where her neck met her back. She giggled, Sam's lips tickling her. The man chuckled again, pecking her cheek.

"Papa?" She held his hands in hers.

"Yes, baby?"

"I love you." She wasn't unaware of how he blamed himself for her little accident and she wanted to let him know it was alright; she was alright.

"I love you more, sugar." Sam smiled, relieved, pressing his lips to her forehead.

"Starting to feel seriously left out over here," Bucky said, wiping his fingers on a tissue.

Sam rolled his eyes at his needy-for-attention husband before cupping his cheek and kissing his forehead as well, sending blood to his cheeks.

"I love you, daddy," she whispered, squeezing Bucky's right hand.

"I love you more, doll." Bucky echoed his partner, kissing her hand.

For the whole week, Papa and Daddy let her sleep on top of their chests, seeing as cuddling and spooning weren't options and they still wanted to be close. She'd alternate between the men as the nights passed.

Eventually, they did go sledding in the park when she healed, three days in a row. She loved it and she laughed so much till her cheeks hurt. She could handle a little fall after all; she could handle anything as long as Sam and Bucky were there to take care of her through it.

[thefanficmonster]

Fated

Karl Heisenberg x Autistic, Sound-sensitive Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing, Spoilers for RE8:Village, Noise sensitivity

Genre: Romance, Comfort

Summary: Not everyone could love a man like Heisenberg. But Y/N isn’t everyone, nor is she just anyone. She loves him as the whole package he is: murderous intentions, human experiments and all.

Requested by @phoenixofthevalley Hi dear! Here you go - the first fic I’ve ever written for Karl Heisenberg (first of many) and thank you so much for being my first ever Resident Evil 8 requester! Hope you enjoy the read! Feel free to correct me if I’ve described anything incorrectly or in an accidentally offensive manner. I have no intention of spreading hate or any type of misconception so I’d really appreciate the correction. Love, Vy ❤

Watching Karl get so excited over this grand plan of his - the destroying of Mother Miranda, his revenge - it all makes me feel uneasy. I can’t explain the feeling, mostly cause I’ve never felt it before, and I can’t quite describe it either. I don’t connect to people easily and I’ve always been told I’m the problem but I guess it took the right person to make me feel things I haven’t felt for no one else all my life.

“The weren’t worthy of your emotions, darling.“ Karl told me on one of the rare occasions when I opened up my mind to him. I felt his words wrap around me like a comforting embrace. For the first time in my life, I felt understood.

I think that’s what took me the longest to get used to - being understood, seen and validated. My opinions had never before been taken into account seriously, my personal boundaries were rarely respected by others and people always had a hard time dealing with how distant I can be. But what bothers me above all is how people refer to me as dramatic because of my sound sensitivity - something no one took seriously when I’d tell them about it.

Karl did though, surprising me to no end.

He respects that I like my personal space and prefer not being shown much affection, especially not physical. He understands that I have a hard time showing people affection myself. He goes out of his way to make sure I’m ok with whatever it is he’s doing, saying or suggesting. And I’m sure that if I were to ever tell someone about this, they wouldn’t believe me. That’s most definitely due to his rough exterior and intimidating appearance. Also probably because he comes off as downright selfish and rude when you first meet him, but getting to know him was a journey worth taking because I now know the real him. A trust me, his rough exterior and the softness of his true self have nothing in common. Although, he does claim that softness is only reserved for me.

With all that laid out, it’s completely understandable that I don’t want him going up against Mother Miranda. Thanks to Karl I’ve never had the displeasure of running into her, but I’ve heard countless stories of how powerful and downright terrifying that witch is. Bottom line: I don’t want Karl walking into something that’s the equivalent of suicide.

And I’ve finally decided to let him know exactly how I feel about it.

I’ve been sitting here, searching for my voice as I observe Karl in his deepest thinking space. He’s constantly in it, if you ask me - constantly thinking, looking for ways to make his innovations better, stronger, more powerful to add to his chances of victory against the sadistic ruler of this village. He was already at his desk when I walked in, hunched over dozens of drawings drawn with cut-edge precision yet in his mind they are probably not near good enough. In his mind, all he does is never good enough. He prides himself on this factory and what he’s produced thus far but he cannot stay proud of himself for very long, he constantly feels the need to better himself in order to remain worthy in his eyes. I wish I could change his mindset on those grounds but I know that my tries would be futile and pointless.

“Karl?“ I suddenly speak up, surprising both him and myself. I don’t know what I was thinking opening my mouth when I still have no idea how to go about this without making it seem like I don’t believe in him. That is in no way the case. I believe he can defeat her, if he cannot do it himself, his robo-army most certainly can. But I don’t want defeating her to cost him his life cause without him in mine I’m not sure what will be left of me.

He straightens up from where he’s been hunched over for the past God knows how many hours, rolling his shoulders and stretching his arms as her turns to look at me, his sunglasses capturing the white neon light in the office as he does so.

“What is it, darling? Something wrong?“ he takes a step towards me as I stand up and go to approach him.

“Actually...“ Suddenly, that thing he keeps in a safety cell just below this room starts going off with that annoying loud sound it makes. It’s always disturbed me, ever since it came to exist which was not so long ago considering it’s been his latest project. It not only terrifies me but triggers my sound sensitivity as do most of the machines in this forsaken factory.

I close my eyes tightly shut as I cover my ears with my hands, praying for the sound to go away as soon as possible because I can’t take it. It almost makes me physically nauseous and gives me vertigo, bringing me to the brink of tears because of its loudness and intensity, like it’s drilling right into my brain.

I can’t quite pinpoint the exact moment the sound went away because when faced with such a pain-inducing experience, my senses tend to tune out while I still remain conscious, but when my hearing returns I the only thing I’m able to hear is a steady heartbeat and a steady breathing. 

“It’s ok, darling. You’re ok.“ I hear Karl’s quiet whisper, giving me peace and coaxing me into opening my eyes.

When I do so, I come to realize why the rest of the world has gone quiet. Why I’m suddenly so flooded with comfort like no one is able to bring me. No one but him.  One of my ears is pressed up to his chest while the other is covered by his warm hand which travels up to move a strand of hair from my face and put it behind my ear as he repeats his soothing words like a chant, slowly starting to let go of me out of fear that he’s crossing a line. He’s always so wary about that and I’ll forever be grateful to him for it.

“Are you ok, sweetheart?“ His hands gently cup my cheeks, tilting my head so I can look him in the eyes - directly in the eyes, for he has ridden himself of his glasses. I’ve found he does that often when around me - removes his glasses. I once asked him why that is but the answer he gave me was vague, all the while a small smile played on his face. Guess he’s a bigger secret-keeper than I primarily thought. It doesn’t bother me really, I know the only secrets he keeps are the ones that would be a hazard for my safety if he exposed me to them, so I allow him his secrets and I keep some of my own to myself. It’s only fair, after all.

I nod, blinking up at him, “Yes, I’m ok. But...“ Now or never, girl. Now or never. “But if you want me to be honest, I will be.”

He looks baffled by my answer but he doesn’t falter, quickly regaining his composure before he replies, “Of course, dear. I always want you to be honest with me. What’s on your mind, what’s bothering you?“

Now “I haven’t been really ok for a while now.” I take his hands in mine, removing them from my cheeks but holding them firmly between us - a gesture that surprises me just as much as it shocks him. Never have I felt the need to be so close to someone. It may be momentary and temporary, but I refuse to dwell on that as I push forward with my argument, “I haven’t been ok since you told me about your plane. The whole thing with Mother Miranda and all that...” Not the time to be leaving me, words. I started this, I’ll finish it. “Look, Karl, I know you and your army can bring that witch to her demise but...”

“But what, Y/N? Tell me.“ He encourages me softly, his hands subtly tightening their hold on mine as if to keep me grounded, remind me he’s listening closely to every word I’m saying. Like he always does.

“But what if it doesn’t go as planned?“ I blurt out, biting my bottom lip nervously. It makes me anxious, being so honest and emotionally exposed. That’s so rare for me I doubt I’ll ever get used to it, but that’s the only way I have at least a fragment of a chance of convincing Karl to drop this. “What if things go south and you end up killed or turned into a monster or something else?“

The concern on his face washes away when he hears my words, getting replaced by a soft, consoling smile. I quickly look away, feeling that confession on my part was quite odd. I feel out of place but not uncomfortable, I don’t know how to explain it. It almost feels like relief, like I’ve finally gotten a huge boulder off my chest and I can finally breathe properly. But I can’t, not until I hear his reply. That smile should probably tell me something but it doesn’t - I won’t believe anything until I hear it come out of his mouth with my own two ears.

“Oh Y/N, darling, you won’t lose me. Ever.“ His thumb swipes across my knuckles soothingly, drawing abstract patterns on the skin of the back of my hand, “You never need to worry about me, hun, I ain’t going anywhere. No one can take me away from you or you away from me. Anyone who dares to try, well, bad things will happen to ‘em.“ He chuckles, easing the tension enough for me to able to look up at him again. When our eyes meet again, I see something I can’t name nor describe. All I know is that what he’s telling me is genuine and comes, “I’ll always be here, by your side, Y/N. I will always be here to shield you from anything and anyone. Any rogue lycan or any loud sound, I’ll be there to prevent it from reaching you. Never forget that. Ok?“

That urge to be have him close takes over me again. I think that somewhere in the back of my mind I see a clock ticking down, counting down the numbered hours we have together before he inevitably carries out his plan. As scary as that is, I think I can do nothing but accept it.

And so, that’s exactly what I do.

Wrapping my arms around him tenderly, enveloping him in the first hug I’ve ever given him - probably the first hug anyone has given him - I accept our fate, silently hoping it changes somewhere along the lines.

“Ok.“

[plus-size-reader]

Forgotten

Thomas x Plus size!reader

Word Count: 2326 words

Warnings: none

Summary: WCKD isn’t the only one with secrets. The Scorch has a few secrets of its own

—————————————————————————————————

It would have been stupid of the gladers to think they were the only ones left.

While it was true that WCKD had taken to picking and choosing who got to survive, that didn’t mean there was no one else left outside of their domain. It just meant that the few of you that had survived were better at it than the rest.

Sometimes you called them the forgotten, those who WCKD couldn’t use that got left behind. In the beginning, it was like your own little maze, made up of all those who didn’t mean anything to anyone because they couldn’t use you.  

You were left for dead at the mercy of the scorch, and while some people had survived, as the time ticked by, fewer and fewer of those forgotten ones survived.

Most of them ended up as cranks, at the hands of the virus that had torn through the life  you once knew.  It was all you had now, and as treacherous as it was, the scorch was your home.

It was all that was left.

Which was why you were so shocked to see such a big group of them still alive out here, not deterred by the dust storms in the desert or the cranks who would surely tear them apart if they got the chance.

All in all, they were way out of their depth.

You had been staying here, in what was now little more than a bunker while now, keeping a close eye on the compound to the east. WCKD got shipments of supplies sometimes, which you had taken to ripping off occasionally.

Stealing from them was hardly the worst thing you’d done out here.

It was what you had to do to survive.

However, the last thing you’d been expecting here was a group of strangers, somehow still alive against every threat in this place. Though, from the looks of it, they hadn’t been out in it very long, which could have been the reason for that.

You watched them for a while, trying to figure out who or what they were, before eventually, you decided that you had to do something about it.

They weren’t going to survive out here on their own.

What you were doing went against your every impulse, of course, as you had learned not to trust anyone or anything, not even the other survivors that could be found bunkered down all over the scorch.

The only person you could trust was you, and even that was iffy sometimes, but for some reason, you felt differently about them.

Maybe it was because they were so desperately fighting for survival, ro maybe it was just because you’d been alone for so long but whatever it was, you had already made up your mind.

They needed your help, or they were going to die out here.

“I wouldn't do that if I were you” you called, just in time for one among them to flip the switch to the power grid. It may have seemed like a good idea at the time, but only if they knew even less about this place than you thought they did.

Both men in yoru view tensed at your appearance, but didn’t have any time at all to address you before the crank you’d loving been calling Doris for the past six months slammed against the bars of her cage.

She was here when you showed up here and once you’d decided that there was no risk of her getting out, it was easier to keep her alive than to put her down.

In your experience, having one around that wasn’t a threat to you, helped you keep tabs on what would draw in the rest.

“Follow me” you suggested, rushing off in the opposite direction of two of the other cranks, glad to find out that at the very least, the two of them could run. If they couldn’t, you would have been forced to leave them behind.

Just because you wanted to help them didn’t mean you were all of a sudden willing to die for strangers.

You would help them, or at least try to help them, for as long as you could. The actual survival was their responsibility, what they had to do out here because they wanted to. Everyone that survived out here had to want it.

If you didn’t, you died.

That was just how it was, and nothing was going to change that.

The pair of them shared a look, just one, before following your lead. The next few minutes went by quickly, more quickly than anyone could have predicted, as you raced toward the exit, meeting up with quite a few others in the process.

From the looks of it, the gang's all here.

You didn’t say anything more until you had made it safely, for the most part, out of the building, the door closed tightly, one metal door between you and them. All of you, with the exception of one, had made it out in one piece.

“What were you doing back there? What's going on? Who are you?” came the parade of questions as you walked, already sort of leaving the rest of them in your dust. While they clearly had no idea what was out here, you did.

...And you weren’t itching to see any more of those things tonight.

“Y/N, I was living there but I guess I’m not anymore” you decided, only looking back at them to answer the first of what you assumed would be a million more questions. The more ground you could cover before the sun went down, the better off you’d be.

If they thought one of them getting bit was bad, it was going to get so much worse in the dark. Those things thrived in the dark.

“Living there, with those things? You’ve gotta be mad” one of the scoffed, immediately forcing you to stop again.

Once again reminding you why you normally shied away from helping other people all together.

“You came out of a maze, didn’t you? Cause you definitely haven't been out here” you hummed, eyeing the blonde incredulously, though when an answer did come, it wasn’t from his lips. Instead, one of the original two you’d found, Thomas you thought you’d heard, spoke.

He was lost.

“Yeah we did, you didn’t?” he wondered, a genuine look of confusion dressing his face for a second. They hadn’t really considered an alternative, and why would they?

All this time, they had been under the impression that there was nothing out there in the scorch, but you were living proof that was a lie. It made him wonder that if that was a lie, there was a good chance other things had been too.

They just couldn’t be sure what.

“No, I grew up in the scorch” you shrugged, doing your very best to ignore the way their faces twisted up when you said it out loud. Of course they couldn’t understand what that was like, because no one could.

Only people who’d done it could even imagine what it was like.

The gladers weren’t exactly thrilled about this situation, but as uncertain as they were of you, it was clear that you were that much more concerned about them. Clearly, all this time out in the scorch had made you paranoid.

Rightfully so.

“You live out here? In this?” the blonde repeated, clearly missing the point of this conversation entirely. You wanted to make this as quick and concise as possible so as to not have to talk about it again but that wasn’t about to happen.

Not with all these shanks asking so many questions.

“Alright, I’m gonna need some names. Then I’ll tell you all about the forgotten ones” you decided, folding your arms crossed your chest, keeping as calm as you could be given the circumstances.

You didn’t have all day to sit around talking about this. From the looks of their friend, you didn’t even have till sundown anymore before you had at least one crank to deal with.

“That’s Minho, Frypan, and Teresa” he, Thomas, started, pointing each of them out in turn before moving on to the next.

“Over there is Aris,” the shortest of them.

“That’s Winston”  the soon to be crank

“This is Newt and I’m Thomas” he hummed, making it clear that there was some kind of connection between all of them that was much deeper than you would have thought, and confirming that was in fact his name.

At the very least, you had that going for you.

“There used to be more of us, out here, but as the time passes, there’s less” you started, deciding that a deal was a deal after all.

You told them you would explain this whole thing, after all.

“I’ve been on my own for a while, moving around to stay alive. Sometimes I stole from the WCKD supply trucks from the compound where you came from, but they aren’t even the biggest threat” you allowed, letting your eyes linger on Winston for a moment.

You knew that to them, he was family, but it was hard for you to see him as anything more than a ticking time bomb. You had just lost too many friends to cranks over the years to feel comfortable with him like that.

It was only a matter of time.

Thomas nodded as you spoke, thinking over each and every one of your words carefully.

After all, to the best he could tell, you had been living there all this time and when he stopped to think about it, it made sense. All those kids in the maze, they were there because they were immune, and they needed to be protected, but they weren’t the only ones left.

There was no way everyone else was dead.

Someone had to be alive somewhere, out there in the rubble, which wasn’t exactly wrong. There were plenty of people left, hiding out all over the scorch, just trying to survive.

“We’ll figure something out” he muttered, following your gaze to the male, who was currently holding tightly to Minho’s shoulder just to keep upright.

So far, it was just a sick feeling in his stomach and a dizziness clouding his thoughts, but soon it would be much more. You knew all the sighs, far too well, and you could have pinpointed exactly how it would happen.

It was a race against the clock.

“You can’t promise that. You don’t know this place like I do” you whispered, turning back around to continue on your way, not willing to discuss this any further. You wanted to believe in a cure as much as the next person, but you weren’t blind.

You didn’t get to be so naive.

“So why help us then? You clearly think this whole thing is hopeless anyway” Thomas called, jogging slightly to catch up with you, the rest of his group taking up the back. It wasn’t exactly easy to move through the sand, but you made it work.

All in all, it was easier for you than it was for them, just because you’d been doing it for longer.

You sighed, looking at him through the corner of your eye, desperately trying to understand what it was he wanted from you. This was a lot harder for you both than need be, as neither of you had a good history of working with others, but it was what it was.

It was plain and simple.

You didn’t want something to happen to them.

The Scorch had taken so much from so many people and you didn’t want to let it take anything else from anyone else if you could help it. At the very least, you could help guide them in this world they knew so little about.

It was all anyone could do, because there were so few of you left.

“Because it’s important,”

Thomas seemed to be determined to keep his family safe, and you could respect that. After all, he wasn’t the only one who’d had one, and you hadn’t been as successful as you’d hoped in your own quest.

If you could help him keep his people alive, you weren’t going to turn a blind eye to that.

“I lost my people, but you don’t have to lose yours” you decided, remembering the countless friends you’d had and lost over the years. The Scorch was real and dangerous, where nothing was ever guaranteed.

Between WCKD and the cranks, you’d lost everything. They would get bit; if they were immune, World In Catastrophe: Killzone Experiment Department was on top of it, and if they weren’t, they died.  

News of the immune, even out here, was hard to keep hidden. They were valuable, and as best you knew, WCKD was already tracking them down.

Thankfully, you knew how this went down, and if they had a shot out here, it was with you.

“You would do that for us?” he questioned, unsure of what in the world was happening here. He thought he understood the world, though he understood what was going on but every time he got any information, it flipped all over again.

Thomas just felt like he couldn’t win, no matter what he did.

“Yeah, but you have to know Winston isn’t going to make it. He probably has half an hour left, at most” you whispered. There was no way you could guarantee he had even that much time but he certainly didn’t have any more than that.

It wasn’t really the news you wanted to give him but you didn’t have much choice in the matter. He’d been bitten and since he clearly wasn’t immune, that wasn’t going to change.

“Yeah, yeah, I know”

None of this was going to be easy but at the very least, he won’t have to do it alone.

[1rintooru]

a/n: no idea what to title this - its just a shortie that makes me wish i was heather...

wc: 800

genre: fluff + angst

You were 15 when you and Suna Rintarō exchanged words for the first time. You knew who he was (he was hard to miss), but you were hardly acquaintances. Up until that point, you’d only seen him around school or in the candy aisle of your local store.

It was a chilly morning in early spring when he first spoke to you. He had offered you his sweater without hesitation and you stubbornly declined. You already felt like an idiot for being so underdressed, especially since frost still embroidered the windows when you left home.

“Take it,” he insisted, nearly forcing the sweater into your hands. Your apprehension was met with indifference and you finally relented. The way his eyes narrowed felt like a non-verbal scolding and you hated how it worked.

The sweater was massive, almost swallowing you whole and weighed heavily on your shoulders. You could tell he’d worn it only a handful of times; the bright sports logo looked brand-new and the faint smell of teenage boy mixed with fresh laundry hung onto the fabric.

“Looks better on you than me anyways,” he had said and you knew he was lying. You muttered something about how you didn’t know how to thank him and he simply brushed you off with an eyeroll and a lazy smile.

After that, you suddenly you became partners in crime. Pulling pranks on classmates, sharing homework and sending each other stupid videos at 2 am. His mother adored you and you grew close with his sister. It was hard to pinpoint what exactly drew you to each other, but the connection always felt intensely magnetic.

You were one of the first people Suna told about finally getting scouted. He’d been working his ass off for years and he deserved every bit of success.  As honored and as excited you were, you couldn’t ignore the heavy ache that began to swell in your chest. All you could do was congratulate him and pull him into a tight hug while forcing back tears.

“Nothing’s gonna change,” he promised, as though he read your mind. All you could do was cling to him tighter and ask him why.

“My sister’s been begging to see you again, dummy.”

You could tell by the fondness in his voice that he was lying. You didn’t say anything else. He knew that you knew and he was alright with that. Despite your best efforts, communication eventually died down. Every now and again you’d hear from him, but it felt like the distance wasn’t purely physical anymore.

Things changed again once you were 18. Suna called you at midnight and you answered, expecting the worst. He had always hated making phone calls. Through his excited flurry or words, you managed to make out that he’d finally gotten his driver’s license. He begged to take you out for a ride and it didn’t take much convincing for you to agree. It was hard to say no when you heard him smile through the phone.

This quickly became somewhat of a ritual for the both of you and it felt like old times. Your favorite part was watching the stars on the roof of his car. You remembered how he’d pull out his sweater – now with the logo peeling off and stitches coming loose – from the backseat and spread it out like a blanket.  You’d always comment how pretty the sky looked, oblivious to how he was looking at you every time he agreed. None of it could have been a coincidence, right?

Not with how your face fit perfectly in the crook of his neck.

Or how his hands fit snugly with yours.

Or how your heartbeats matched when he pulled you closer.

Or how he finally felt heard even when he said nothing at all.

You knew it wasn’t a coincidence when he pressed his lips against yours, whispering that he wished “he could have someone like you,” – but it felt like a dream.

At 24 you saw his sweater make another final appearance. By now, the sweater was really starting to show its age. The printed logo had completely worn off, leaving only a dark spot from where the sun hadn’t bleached the fabric. It carried a couple more stains since the last time you saw it, and the sleeves had some new holes. To be honest, it looked like it had survived an apocalypse or two.

Suna didn’t seem to mind though. In fact, he looked really happy. You could tell by how his eyes crinkled as he tried to hide his smile or how they twinkled when you caught him stealing sneaky glances. It was how his blush would expose him even when his face was completely deadpan. You knew he was happy because it’s how he used to look at you.

You loved that sweater but hated it on her.

You hated knowing that he probably told her she “looked better in his clothes,” and that he was telling the truth when he said that. You hated it, because you secretly thought so too.

You hated that sweater, but damn – you wished it was on you.

[fukurodaze]

you!

pairing: miya atsumu x fem!reader genre: fluff, an atsumu and reader meet cute!! word count: 2.1k warnings: light cursing synopsis: atsumu may or may not have developed a tiny crush on karasuno’s substitute manager.

requested by anon <3 aah i’m so sorry i kind of changed the plot slightly :))

special thanks to maddie @prettysetterakaashi​ for the beta <3

LISTEN TO: all about you - nct u

the first time you meet miya atsumu, he is seventeen, wearing his number seven jersey, and so ready to whoop your team’s (and, really, anyone else’s) ass.

the arena is much bigger than you had dreamed - much like the ones you’d seen on television - like the sendai gymnasium, but multiply it by four. it’s loud, overwhelming, and teeming of air-tight pressure. you swear you could almost hear it: the wavering heartbeats, the rolling cameras, the competitive atmosphere.

maybe you had overdressed just a little bit. turned your tracksuit into a stylish oversized-padded-jacket-baggy-pants-tight-shirt situation. (you absolutely blushed when kiyoko said you were pretty today.)

out of the crowd of volleyball players gathered before the opening ceremony, you spot a faux blonde tuft of hair and a loud voice accompanying it. he nags at one of his teammates as he stuffs his coat in his bag. 

broad back. sloped shoulders. the number seven.

“say, is that inarizaki’s setter you talked about from camp?” slightly motioning to the side, you ask your fellow first-year, kageyama tobio.

kageyama nods sharply, “yes. why?”

“yachi told me that if we win the first match, we’ll be up against them. i heard they were runner ups for the last interhigh,” you mutter, “whew, scary.”

and extremely handsome, you want to say.

there’s a pause, and you continue, “i mean, not that we’re guaranteed to win the first match anyways. it’s nationals...”

kageyama shrugs at your statement, “it’s nationals.”

you remember yachi had told you to have faith in the boys. 

so when you heard the whistle on game point announcing karasuno’s victory on the first round, you couldn’t help but mumble an ‘i knew it’ under your breath by the bleachers.

but as you cheered, yellow water bottles in hand, voice an octave higher, you swore you felt a pair of eyes that ogled at you from the second floor. 

your senses were correct - miya atsumu was wondering what kind of volleyball team had someone as cute as you in all of japan. 

“eyes on their plays, not the managers.” miya osamu’s hand lands square on his twin’s back, earning a surprise yelp in response.

“they’re not even playing anymore! they just won!” atsumu gestures dramatically, but he keeps looking your way. 

“well ya better keep yer eyes on the ball tomorrow-”

“-and YOU need ‘ta jump higher for our new quicks.”

osamu sighs, and as they hear their coach calling them down, the two leave the second floor balcony in rare silence. he figures his brother might have developed a little crush on karasuno’s substitute manager. it was always common for his brother to develop some kind of attraction to someone from somewhere far, yet the way atsumu’s staring so intently has him thinking he might actually want to do something about you. 

“you’re weird,” osamu snickers.

atsumu furrows his brows in joking offence. “-isn’t that, like, rude?”

atsumu wasn’t, isn’t, and will never be the kind of guy who loses sight of the ball. ever. 

he reckons his peripheral vision has widened for this match and this match only, seeing as he feels an extra pair of eyes on him.

for some reason, he feels the need to play around a bit more today.

his sets vary even more in tempo, he’s spiked more than usual, and he can’t stop moving. it doesn’t help either that inarizaki’s ten-point lead in the second set only fuels his playtime. anything to rack up some more points.

although he’s stuck with jump floaters, he thinks flipping off karasuno’s super libero is almost enough to make up for his lack of jump serves, so he savours every time he’s in the back right, ready to serve. 

he doesn’t mind the gasps that come out of your mouth when he lands a service ace, either.

and as the set point goes to inarizaki with a lead that just seemed so right, atsumu promises himself to come up to you once inarizaki wins. 

he knows he’s going to win. 

his shoes feel light on the rubber floor, like he could squat down and bend back and jump up all he wants. his muscles are working hard, and his senses are on point. 

when he looks around, seeing the teammates he knows can catch his sets and karasuno preparing their defense, his eyes instead flutter to you, in the corner on the benches, holding desperately onto two yellow water bottles. you’re wearing a normal tracksuit this time, but he still thinks it’s cute. 

he tries not to think of you between rallies. not about how he’d like to see you cheer for him when he crushes your team. not about how he’s found the perfect dinner spot near the gymnasium to take you out to after the win. not about the satisfaction he’ll feel after seeing little tobio’s defeat and your hand in his. (assuming that a first date involves holding hands - atsumu’s never been on one.)

so, with only the third set left to win, atsumu doesn’t bother asking what could go wrong. because he knows to make sure that nothing, nothing at all, will result in a loss for inarizaki. 

oh, how he was wrong. 

when karasuno’s frustratingly good first year duo blocks his ball and sends it plummeting to the edge of the court, atsumu knows that the whistle that follows means that this might even be the last time he sees you this year - and what if you’re not at nationals next year?

the sting of losing comes first as the usual shaking hands and lining up to bow commences after the game, and as he says some last words to his teammates and school, he catches sight of you hugging the team’s other beautiful manager. you have tears of joy threatening to fall out of the corners of your eyes, and he admits you look precious with the edges of your mouth upturned and your cheekbones raised in a victorious smile. 

he wants to see you like this with him. although he doesn’t know you at all, he doesn’t want to miss you; yet he can’t pinpoint why.

so after calling to hinata and telling him he’ll “set for him someday” (it was half-spite and half-promise, but it came out as a threat), atsumu’s gaze fixes on the back of the other side of the court at the benches where you are. 

“‘tsumu, let’s go,” osamu calls back at him, and it brings him back to reality.

except reality’s a loss where he doesn’t get to see you in his life ever again. and though he’ll accept the outcome of a national-level volleyball match, he knows he can do something to at least catch up with you - he’s still got a few days in tokyo, after all.

“ah screw it!” atsumu mumbles to himself, and begins to suck up his pride. what he’s about to do will be either extremely embarrassing or extremely endearing, he thinks.

he walks up to the karasuno bench where you’re at the side, packing up the water bottles in a duffle bag to carry. you’re squatting down, unseeing of him, until there are a few footsteps and the feeling of a person behind you. you turn around, and it makes you stand up quickly.

you look at the setter, bleached hair untoned and face oddly satisfying to look at. you had paid a little too much attention to him during the opening ceremony, and though you had suppressed the knowledge of his ogling at you from yesterday, you can’t help but feel your attraction to the setter worsen with him right in front of you.

“you. meet me at the entrance,” atsumu invites, and though his face is obviously burning red, something about his words make your heart pump a little too fast.

it doesn’t take much contemplation to figure out your answer is yes. yet, somehow, saying yes while your heart suddenly changes its pace takes a little bit more time than you thought.

you’re about to reply when you see osamu call his brother loudly, making atsumu’s eyes go wide in embarrassment. you stifle a laugh, and you give him a subtle nod, though judging by the way he runs like he’s chasing an out-of-bounds ball, you reckon he might not have seen you. 

again, you’re correct - atsumu thinks he’s just witnessed his own death, running fast at one of his only attempts at ever asking someone out. 

how does one ask someone out? is it, like, ‘hey, wanna go on a date’? or is it, like, ‘hey i like you and i think you’re pretty and i tried to find you on instagram but i don’t know your name’? he agrees with himself that it’s safer to say the former.

atsumu is pulled back to his team, embarrassment seeping through his senses from his asking out on top of that familiar sting of losing. he changes into his sweatpants and jacket in silence, backpack worn tightly around his shoulders as the rest of the team walks through the venue.

“'samu, have you ever been turned down by a girl?” atsumu tries his best not to sound like he’s sulking (he is).

osamu hums, “what did you do to karasuno’s manager?”

“ugh, not telling.”

meanwhile, burning excitement and far-fetched fantasies finally hit you. 

your heart now beats fast - maybe not as fast as when karasuno had anticipated atsumu’s serve, but still fast - and you’re not sure what kinds of chances you’ll get in the future. 

there is an internal debate: there’s no denying the mutual attraction, so why stop? you want to tell yourself that nationals is for volleyball and for you to fill in for your friend yachi, but his words repeat themselves in your head, and it’s only mere seconds that pass before you know exactly what to do.

you come up to kiyoko, and she replies with a kind hum. you ask, “can i go... uh, buy some souvenirs real quick? i’ll bring this bag with the water bottles with me.”

she looks around first, “ah, how long will you be gone?”

“not long.”

“well, the boys are going to change, so, alright. don’t get lost, okay?”

“okay!” your feet bring you out of the court area, and into the maze of the gymnasium. (you have no idea where you’re going.)

it makes you think; is this all worth it for the stranger miya atsumu? maybe. maybe not. but you’ve gotten the chance - might as well take it. 

there are things you whisper to yourself as you run around the foyer, unsure of which entrance he’d be most likely to meet you in, so you end up running to all of them. there are around five entrances total.

“this is so stupid,” is one of the things you whisper to yourself.

“he’s not even that cute,” is another.

“why couldn’t he just ask me out normally?” a sigh at the second entrance.

“ugh, but he’s... so good at volleyball,” a remark at the third entrance.

and finally, at the fifth entrance all the way at the back, “you!” 

that is when you spot that familiar tuft of untoned bleached hair, swept to the left, his maroon club jacket replacing his jersey. you hope you’re not seeing a mirage, seeing as he hadn’t looked back when you first exclaimed of your presence. 

your voice is louder and more embarrassing than his, “miya atsumu!”

now he looks. 

now he turns red.

you see his brother osamu with some kind of amused grin as you grab onto the setter’s club jacket, dragging him somewhere. you mumble an ‘excuse me’ to his brother, and he surprisingly nods.

when you drag atsumu into a secluded corner still inside the venue, his face is bright red like you remember it. you let go of his arm, and it makes you cringe to see how you had literally just pulled japan’s number one high school setter by his sleeve.

“what was that?” atsumu fixes his bag. he tries to hide his incoming grin.

“you- you told me to meet you at the entrance,” you fumble with the ends of your jacket, “so i did.”

“huh,” atsumu mutters, matter-of-factly. he sounds amused. he looks at you with a smile. “i’m glad.”

there’s a silence as he offers to carry your bag. you let him.

“i know this place near this venue, do you- do you want to go there sometime?”

your ears perk up - it’s exactly what you want to hear. now, there is no contemplation.

you inhale. “yeah. i would like that.”

atsumu takes a deep breath, and he smiles like a happy child. you tell him your full name, and he tells you his, even though he knows you already know it.

it turns out, the first time you really meet miya atsumu, he is seventeen, wearing his dishevelled maroon club jacket, and so not ready to miss you.

and thank god; he was definitely going to see you again.

[nocapesdahling]

As the World Falls Down - Chapter 3

Helmut Zemo x Gender Neutral Reader

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

Chapter Summary:  In which you have a plan to save yourself and Alena, but have no idea if it’s going to work. Either way, you have to try.

Rating: Mature (17+)

Chapter Warnings/Tags: Slow Burn; Angst; Misunderstandings that lead to angst; Established canon character deaths; Did I mention angst?

A/N: We have reached the end of Part 1 and the Age of Ultron arc. I hope you’ve enjoyed it so far, and would love to hear your thoughts. 

Chapter 3: Beneath a Fallen Sky (Age of Ultron) - Part 1

Word Count: 2.4k

You made sure Alena was strapped in tightly on your chest and that everything was in place. With time running out and Novi Grad continuing to rise, it was as good as it was going to get. You needed to move now. You had your prototype boots and gauntlets, which should allow you to fly. You hoped they would at least. Your main consolation was that they worked during testing, even if that had been in a controlled environment.

You had always admired Tony Stark, being something of a child prodigy yourself and starting college at a similar age to him. When you had first seen the Iron Man suit, your first thoughts had been of awe like any person who got a glimpse of Iron Man. Yet most people probably didn’t think what you had thought later, while considering the technology behind the suit and how to go about making your own.

Well, if he can do it then why can’t I? How hard could it be, really?

It turned out to be a bit more difficult than you’d thought, but you had developed something after much trial and error. However, you hadn’t tested anything in the open air yet. The previous test was only a short one to see if your prototypes would work and you had hovered a few feet over solid ground at most. That was why your plan only had a 65% success rate, but you had confidence in your technology and hope. In Sokovia, you couldn’t get far without hope.

You noticed the air getting thin as the city continued to rise, so you fitted Alena with an oxygen mask. You had a tank available in your apartment for squad emergencies, and were amazed how many times it had been used in the past. Your squad got into the oddest situations. There had been Andrei’s mission with the diplomat and the ice cream swimming pool and Mila’s with the yacht and the hammerhead sharks. All classified of course.

You digressed. There were more important things to consider right now, even as you wondered how your squad would take the loss of their handler when Helmut told them. You knew that it would hit them harder than they would ever admit. They emulated Helmut’s stoicism when in the field and today was still a mission, even if it was unlike any other. The destruction of one’s home was not something any of them had encountered before. If you couldn’t be there, then you hoped your gadgets would help to protect them today and in the future. You planned to be there.

You clipped the oxygen tank to your tactical gear and hoped that it wouldn’t unbalance you too much. You would need all the balance you could muster if this plan were to succeed.

Once you were as ready as you could be, it was time. The city had to fall at some point and you wanted to be in the air when it did as the height it had reached would cause a destructive impact radius. You brushed a kiss to Alena’s head, seeing her little feet kicking and knowing that she was awake.

“Not the best timing, little one. This might be a bit scary, Alena, so I wanted you to know that I love you. Already. So much. I think I loved you as soon as I saw you. Wish us luck, my little Alena Heike. We’re going to need it.”

With that and the realization that you had reached the edge of the city, you took a deep breath, taking one last glance back at the city that had been your home for most of your life. Then, you braced yourself, stepped off the edge, and flew. Well, you took a moment to stabilize yourself as the only other time you had done this was in a local park in the middle of the night and then you had grass to land on not open sky. But then, you flew.

You flew like the birds you had admired for their freedom and grace and like Iron Man. Tony Stark had nothing on you. You let out a joyful laugh, forgetting your circumstances for a moment. You forgot the swarm of robots on the other side of the city, the fact that your home was in the process of being destroyed, that you may never see Helmut again, and that you weren’t sure if you and your baby would get out of this alive. Nothing else mattered at that moment because you were flying.

Then you were shocked back to the present as to your disbelief the city began to freefall, plummeting quickly and devastatingly towards Earth before exploding mid air. You could see from where you were that it looked like Iron Man and Thor had blown it up somehow, but you couldn’t understand why the Avengers hadn’t been able to stop it from falling in the first place.

Why hadn’t they been able to save Sokovia? They had saved New York. It didn’t make sense. The world had painted them as infallible. These were Earth’s heroes? They did not look so “Mighty” now.

The debris began to land too hard and too fast. It looked like it would impact more of the surrounding area than you had anticipated.

You gasped in horror, the tears freezing on your cheeks. If a building was hit with debris of that size, then the result would be catastrophic. You worried immediately for your squad and Helmut, turning on your earpiece with frantic movements even as you unbalanced without one of your gauntlets.

You tried Helmut. You tried Ana, Branko, Claudia, Andrei, and the other members of your squad. No one answered.

The base wasn’t that far away, not when you calculated the radius of the debris. It would be difficult, but you could make it there. You had to make it there. You needed to know.

You flew above and around where the debris was falling and jerkily made your way towards the base, still not as smooth as you wished you were or as fast as you wanted to be. You arrived to the sight you hoped not to see.

The base had been hit by a large piece of debris from the city and was collapsing in on itself. You landed as smoothly as you could a distance away and caught yourself on a tree, falling to your knees. No one could have survived that.

Helmut was gone. Helmut Zemo was dead.

Your chest hurt and your vision was blurry as your mind whirled.

You had survived, while Helmut had died. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. You would never see him again.

How did this happen?!, was your last thought before slumping backwards into a faint.

In your horror at the base’s collapse, you had forgotten the existence of its reinforced underground bunker where technology did not work and where your entire squad including their leader, Colonel Helmut Zemo, waited for the dust of Novi Grad to settle. Very much alive and in quiet mourning for their lost Q. They would exit through the tunnels a few hours later, coming out miles away from where you collapsed.

In fact, you wouldn’t recall the bunker’s existence until a little over a year later and by then it would be too late.

---------------------------------

You awoke in the hospital. It took you a moment to realize what had happened and where you were. With that, came the realization in your mind that you would never see Helmut or hear his deep voice calling you his Q ever again. Despite the gaping hole in your chest and your desire to let yourself be numb, you needed to find Alena. You gasped and sat up too quickly before falling backwards out of dizziness.

You breathed in and out to calm yourself the way you often had as you assisted your squad in the completion of missions, and clicked the button to raise the bed as you looked around the room. You were in a gown and had no idea what had happened to your gauntlets and boots, but hoped they had been destroyed in the landing.

You heard Helmut’s voice in your head as you pinpointed the potential exits and any possible weapons.

“The first step, my Q, is to always survey your surroundings. Get your bearings and be prepared for anything. Be prepared to fight, but also to run if necessary. There is no shame in running. Running can save your life and I, my darling Q, would much rather see you alive .”

You smiled bitterly before letting it fade. You were not in any shape to run at the moment, and Helmut was no longer there to advise you. Your memories of him would have to suffice.

As you surveyed the room, you glimpsed your pack in the corner of the room and what looked like your highly damaged prototypes alongside it. There next to your bed was a crib and laying inside was Alena, who looked clean, like she had been changed, and who was sleeping soundly.

You let a small and real smile touch your lips. She was safe. You were safe. Both of you were alive. Helmut was not.

No, you couldn’t let yourself think of it. Not now. Maybe, not ever.

You pressed the call button for the nurse, hoping this was a real hospital and not some elaborate plot. It looked real, but one could never be sure.

“Finally awake, are you? Good, I’m glad to see it. I was beginning to worry about what might happen to your daughter.” The nurse said in rapid fire Sokovian as she bustled into the room.

“Yes, thank you. How long have we been here and where are we?” You had to clear your throat multiple times and even then your voice came out as a rasp.

The nurse poured some water into a cup, drank it, and then offered you some as well. “You probably do not remember, but you were rescued three days ago. You have been awake sporadically, and even then you were groggy. That is why you do not remember. For your second question, you are in a hospital in the Czech Republic. We are taking care of multiple Sokovian refugees.”

“But you are speaking Sokovian?”

The nurse frowned and leaned closer. She looked like she wanted to pat your hand or hold it. You were glad she did not. “Sokovia is gone. This time for good. There were not many survivors. My mother was Sokovian. I thought a familiar language might be of comfort to you. It has been to the other survivors we’re treating.”

You attempted to read her face and her eyes like Helmut had taught you. She drank the water before giving you some, which was a point in her favor.  She also did not look like a plant and you let yourself relax a bit, but kept your guard up in case you were wrong. You knew that Novi Grad had been destroyed and the devastation the debris must have caused, but it was hard to believe that your country was gone. It had been failing for years, but it was still yours. Yours, Heike’s, Carl’s, Alena’s, and Helmut’s. Now, it would only exist in the memory of its survivors.

You pushed the thought of Helmut aside for the moment, but at the thought of Heike and Carl you knew what question needed to be asked. “Have they released a list of survivors?”

“Not yet, but I do not want you to get your hopes up.”

You hated to think that the nurse was right, that Heike and Carl were also gone. They had been miles from the city however, so you had to hold on to hope for their sake. You could not consider never seeing Heike’s hair in the sunlight or Carl’s smiling face again. They were part of your family. You needed to find out what happened to them. “Please let me know as soon as they release the list.”

“I will, dear. I will.” The nurse gave you a pained smile that looked more like a grimace. “Now, we got your name and identification from your pack. I was in charge of your admission papers, and did not include any reference to your military rank to be safe. Sokovia is gone, so I did not want it to make you a target. What you were wearing alone looked like it would draw some attention.”

You nodded and thought briefly, knowing that had only happened because the nurse had ties to Sokovia. She was showing honest care and concern in the best way she could, and you appreciated it. You had been correct in her not being a plant then. You pictured Helmut’s smile when you told him that you were putting his training to good use, before remembering that he was…

You couldn’t bring yourself to think the word. You had to keep it together. You couldn’t falter now. Not when Alena was counting on you.

You realized the nurse was still waiting for some kind of answer. “Thank you. A civilian life might be just what I need.”

The nurse smiled back, “Yet, we have no information on this little one. I have a birth certificate here to fill out. You are one of her parents, yes?” Alena continued to sleep in her crib, oblivious to the world around her.

“Yes,” you swallowed and rapidly thought of how to answer the next question that you knew was coming.

“And her other parent?”

“He died in Sokovia,” you felt a tear roll down your cheek. You wondered if you were prepared to continue. Saying it out loud made it real.

“I’m sorry to hear that, dear.” The nurse did pat your hand this time in commiseration before withdrawing when you tensed up. “Would you still like to put his name on the certificate?”

You steadied your breathing and hoped that when (you couldn’t bring yourself to think if) you found Heike, wherever she may be, that she would understand. You knew that you could not regret this decision. It felt too right for that.

“Yes,” you responded haltingly. The words seemed to catch in your throat. “His name is… Helmut Zemo and our baby’s name is Alena Heike Zemo.”

End of Part 1 - To Be Continued in Part 2: Burn it to the Ground…

A/N:  I know this chapter was angsty, but I hope you enjoyed part 1 of this fic. Part 2 will not have as regular updates because Part 1 was pre-written, but I’m working on it. Thank you all for reading!

[bau-baby]

the ultimate loss. 2/?

aaron hotchner x gn!reader

Summary: While you and Aaron are grieving the loss of Haley, an untimely realization comes up on your part after a night of consolation. Will anything come of it?

word count: 3k

warnings: grief, loss

A/N: Holy cannoli I am so sorry for how long this second installment took me!! Also the ending seems kind of rushed and it’s not the greatest, sorry! Now, onward with the story! 

read part one here

It has only been a few months since Haley’s service, and you have been at a loss. Ever since the time you and Aaron had together on that patio, something changed. Something that you couldn’t really put a finger on. Neither of you addressed it for fear of messing with things you weren’t ready to face. So you both did what you do best: ignore it.

You’ve filled your time with hours on the job, Aaron has been doing the same. You both merely dance around one another, not allowing your colleagues to pinpoint or figure out what happened. And if you were honest with yourself, you weren’t either. Hell, you weren’t sure Aaron knew what was going on, and he is one of the best profilers you have the pleasure of knowing. 

It’s another late night, early morning at Quantico. You’re burning the candle at both ends, losing sleep by the day. You blame it wholly on losing a friend, and sure that was the big, main reason, but you also know it’s a ploy to throw whatever it is that’s happening with you and Aaron out the window for a time.

After-action reports fill your time as the coffee keeps getting brewed and your pen isn’t running out of ink anytime soon. And you always love to think that this is your time away from Aaron, when in reality he’s right up the stairs, hunched over his desk just as you are. You saved your glances for when your hand got cramped or you needed a refill on coffee. What you don’t see was the glances he’d send your way while you were engrossed in the paperwork. 

You normally end up staying late at the office since you have a tendency to take some of the extra files from Aaron as well as the team so they could get home quicker.

You finish up a majority of your reports just before midnight, opting to take the unfinished ones home. You gather your finished files, making the short walk up to Aaron’s office before knocking. You hear him faintly say “It’s open,” and open the door.

“Hey Aaron, just wanted to drop these files off before heading home for the night. If you-” Your words die in your throat as you finally look at Aaron much closer. His eye bags were getting worse, and he looks like he hasn’t slept in days. “Are the nightmares still happening, Aaron?”

He knows there’s no use in lying, especially to you. He nods as he presses his pointer and middle finger to his temple, trying to alleviate the dull headache that hasn’t left him in so long. It was one of the only constant things in his life, outside of Jack and you.  With the headaches and the nightmares saddled on top of the grief, he hasn’t had true peace in months.

You tentatively take a seat at his desk and wait him out. You know that once he feels like talking, he will. He takes his time, twiddling his pen in between his thumb and pointer finger.

“I miss her. I left her at home with Jack almost every day, I was never there for his appointments or for his big milestones. I forced her to be a single mom when I could have easily just been there. I-” He stops, and you can see his eyes are brimmed with tears. You swallow the lump forming in your throat.

“Aaron, she loved you-” He scoffs, “-No, she really loved you. It tore her to pieces when she left, she just reached a point where she had to put Jack’s needs first. She still cared for you. The call I got the day you were admitted into the hospital told me enough,” You look down at your hands, trying to find the words, “You’re a great dad, Aaron. You do your best and right now that’s all anyone can ask for.” 

Aaron lets out a huff of breath and leans back in his chair. He pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to lessen the pulsing headache still fully present. You only hope that your words made a difference, and you start to get up to leave.

“Wait. Please don’t go. I- I can’t stand being alone here anymore,” The admission makes your heart swell while simultaneously hurting for the broken man, and you settle back into your seat. Maybe finishing up the rest of your reports in the company of a friend wouldn’t be so bad after all.

-----

The late nights you and Aaron were pulling to keep each other company quickly transitioned to going home early to see Jack, still keeping each other’s grief at bay. Didn’t help that Jack was the sweetest kid on the planet, and one you definitely couldn’t say no to.

There were days where Aaron would just break down away from the watchful eyes of his son. He wanted to remain strong and not worry the young boy, but he knew Jack was hurting too, just as you were. Even if he was vulnerable with you at times, he still kept some walls up and held some feelings to his chest.

And Aaron would never tell you, but some days it was hard to even be in that apartment. The wall has been long since repaired, the bloodstains lifted from the carpet. But that didn’t remove the nightmares that haunted him every time he came home.

He could never forget the acrid smell of Foyet’s breath as he continuously taunted him, the knife driving into his abdomen. He couldn’t forget the fleeting memories that he surrounded himself with, a hopeful yet useless distraction as he was bleeding out on his apartment floor.

He couldn’t forget Foyet’s smile, his laugh that haunted Aaron’s deepest nightmares. 

Foyet’s words would come to him in flashes, always coming back to remind him of everything he lost.

“Do you know how much you have to study the human body to stab yourself repeatedly and not die? I don’t want to brag but I’m somewhat of an expert.”

The humor Foyet found in what he was saying was not ever lost on Aaron.

He always felt the ghost of the knife, cold metal gracing his abdomen that was slowly losing heat due to the blood blossoming around his still body.

“Do you wanna see my scars?”

The image of Foyet’s mangled abdomen was stamped into his brain, a fateful image that spoiled his sleep every night.

“Yours are gonna look just the same.”

And that they did. Aaron hated the scars that riddled his chest, the raised, gnarled skin always a reminder of his failure. He not only failed Haley, but his son that he swore to protect and give a good life. He ripped the life away from both of them. Haley would never see what Jack would become, and Jack would never remember the woman who gave her life to protect him.

No matter how much he trusted you, there was still that wall that held him back from telling you all of this. His rational brain told him that you’d help him work through it, but his trauma-riddled brain told him that he’d end up overwhelming you, even though you both lost the same person, she just had different emotional ties to both of you.

That call that you listened in on while racing to Fairfax was imprinted in your brain. You’d continually tried to tell yourself that you couldn’t change anything that happened, that you couldn’t save Haley. You couldn’t give Jack his mom back, and you couldn’t bring back Aaron’s closest friend. 

You knew it wasn’t right to blame yourself. You knew that Foyet had fooled all of you. That didn’t stop you from taking the blame, forcing yourself to relive the worst moment in your career, just to subject yourself to something you felt you could have prevented.

Jack wouldn’t have any memories of his own mother. You would just plant four years’ worth of stories as he grew up, telling him tales of how strong his mother was, and how she was the best thing that happened to his father.

Maybe these similar trains of thought are what led you to be knocking on Aaron’s door late at night. And maybe, that’s what led him to answer.

“Y/N? It’s so late, what’re you doing here?” The opened door revealed a distraught yet cozy Aaron, floppy hair and eye bags in all.

“Can I, uh, can I come in?” You remain composed, trying to regulate your breathing before you possibly could fly off the handle.

“Yeah, of course. Are you alright?” 

Now isn’t that the question of the hour, Aaron Hotchner? You aren’t really sure what you feel, so instead of answering, you walk over to his couch and sit. 

Aaron trails in behind you, two cups of coffee in his hand. You accept the cup, the ceramic mug already bringing life back into your hands. Aaron sits on the other side of the couch assuming the same position you are: a blank, grief-filled stare aimed at the table in front of you. The only sign of either of you being cognizant is your periodic sniffles. You don’t even realize you’re crying.

“I just miss her, you know?” The sentence comes through a wavered tone, and you hiccup through the tears. 

Aaron’s in a similar state, his red-rimmed eyes giving way to a tear-filled, “I know. I miss her too,”

A watery laugh leaves you, “Y’know, one time when I visited Haley, told me about how you two used to be. Before Jack, before…”

Before the divorce. Before she died.

“-just, before. She even gave me a little insight on your stint as Pirate #4 in Pirates of the Penzance,” A watery smile makes its way onto your face, and you hear Aaron huff out a sad laugh, shaking his head as he does so.

“I swore her to secrecy on that. She liked you, honestly. She loved how you were with Jack, and I can’t say that I don’t either. You being here, for us, is something we’ll always be grateful for. Thank you,” The sentence makes your heart swell, as more tears fall down your face. They’re full of grief, sadness, and a love you don’t catch onto right away, but when you do, you force that back down to whatever depths it came from.

You hear the feet padding across the floor before you see him.

“Y/N? Why are you crying?” Jack asks as he clambers up next to you and into your arms.

“Hey, bud, what’re you doing up? Your dad and I were just talking about your mom, and how much we miss her,” You say, rocking the boy as you hold him.

“I miss my mom too. Do you think we could talk to her?” He asks. You could hear how tired he is, and you look at Aaron.

Go ahead, his look says, and you stand up with Jack still in your arms. You pick up the candle and lighter on the way.

You lay Jack back in his bed, grabbing the picture of Haley off his dresser. You light the candle and hand it to him.

“Hi, momma. Y/N is here, and I miss you. I love you,” You continue to listen to the boy, but you can feel the tears pressing at the back of your eyes again. You can’t imagine what this four-year-old boy is going through, trying to understand why his mom isn’t coming home anymore.

You feel a certain pair of eyes on you from the doorway of Jack’s room, and you see Aaron watching you and Jack. He’s got this soft, sullen smile on his face as he hears Jack recount his days since he’s last talked to Haley. Soon enough, the four-year-old runs out of steam and says goodbye, blowing out the candle. You reach over, tucking the covers up to his chin, and tell him goodnight.

You walk out to see Aaron sitting on the couch again, his elbows resting on his knees, hands covering his face. You sit with him until the early morning light washes over the DC skyline, sunlight peeking into the windows. You both laugh, cry, and sit in silence as you talk about whatever, but the topic keeps coming back to Haley.

“Well, if I want to make it to the building on time, I better go back to my apartment and change,” You say as you get up to grab your shoes that have long since been forgotten, as well as your keys and such. “Oh, I didn’t even notice the time. See you at work,” He says, getting up off the couch too.

“Bye, Aaron. See you at work,” You give him a soft smile, and make your exit.

Aaron doesn’t make light of this, but seeing you leave after the night he spent commiserating with you, made him miss it more than he thought he would. The freshness of it all, the connection you shared with mutual grief, was something he never thought he’d get out of his job.

-----

When you step into the bullpen, you’re the first one there for once. Fresh clothes and a rejuvenated heart puts a small pep in your step, even on no sleep.  After the night of vulnerability you shared with Aaron, you felt refreshed, if only a little tired. 

For the sake of making sure you actually stay awake, you make two cups of coffee. Made one cup just how you like it, leaving the other one black. You set your cup down at your desk, climbing the stairs up to Aaron’s dark office. You turn on his desk lamp, setting the coffee down. You knew he wasn’t too far behind you when coming to the office, it was only a matter of time before he walked out of the elevator. 

When Aaron finally makes it to the bullpen, he sees you already cutting into the reports he left on everyone’s desks the night before. He practically floats to his office, his lack of sleep starting to catch up to him. When he opens the door, he sees the coffee mug at his desk, a sticky note attached to it. Very familiar handwriting fills the note. 

Thought we could both use some coffee after our late night. 

You know where I am if you need anything, old man. 

Sincerely, 

A very concerned friend :)

Aaron just shakes his head at the note, a smile he’s not used to filling his face. He looks through the window out into the bullpen to find you with an equally facetious smile on your face. 

That’s when it all comes crumbling down for you. The realization hits you as you turn back to your work, and you have to slow your breathing so as to not worry anyone else making their way to their desks. 

Fuck. 

You’re in love with your boss. 

You’re in love with Aaron Hotchner. 

You could not have worse timing, you realize. He just lost his wife, you just lost a friend. Neither of you should be open to dating. He isn’t open to dating, and you’d be damned if you were too.

You were never known for your timeliness, but this is a whole other level of bad.

 What are you supposed to do? There’s no handbook, nothing to tell you what you’re supposed to fall in love with your divorced boss who just lost his ex-wife. And there shouldn’t be, you’re being careless. 

It’s normal for people in grief to come together, and after a loss people make strides to fill that gap. That’s all you're doing. You don’t actually feel this way about him. 

That’s what your profiling tells you, but you don’t try to reason with it. No amount of reasoning can fix this. You’re screwed, and you know it.

That’s why you make a vow to yourself- right there in the bullpen. 

You are not going to let this get too far too fast, and you are not going to scare this man away. He is your boss first, friend second, and lover will never make that list if you keep up this fast train of realizations and possible confessions.

You get saved from your rabbit hole as you hear Reid and Morgan walk into the bullpen, talking about whatever those two can talk about at 8 AM. You just shake your head at their antics.

Those two really are like brothers.

Slowly, the rest of the team trickles in, and you’re expected for a day of paperwork when JJ flashes a file at you. Seems like you won’t your day of reprieve, but if you’re honest with yourself, you’re glad.

On top of the Aaron Revelations™, It’s been really hard these past few weeks without Haley. You usually went over to see Jack and her often, talking and laughing over some glasses of wine. Now, you just... don’t have that.

But, all that aside, you have a case.

So you put the pieces of yourself back together, compose yourself, and take a breath.

You can do this.

-----

You can’t do this.

You did fine on the case, and you know that. You remained composed, and kept your head on straight. That doesn’t change your realization, nor does it settle your feelings. Professionalism is at the forefront of your mind as you settle into your seat on the jet. Aaron sits next to you like always, and you school your expression for most of the flight, but that didn’t stop your brain from going faster than light.

You lean your head against the window, and hope against hope that everything- every feeling, every thought- would just leave you. They didn’t, but you welcome the sleep that comes like an unknown force.

When you wake, you smell Aaron’s cologne. You’re groggy, and it takes you a minute to realize that his suit jacket rests across your upper body. 

“You looked cold, just thought I’d help,” Aaron says, not looking up from his file.

That man never stops working.

“Thanks, Hotch,” You say, sleep still laced through your words. You get lost in the moment, the familiarity of it all sinking into your bones. You smile blissfully, sleep consuming your conscious again

You just miss the small smile Aaron gives you after your eyes close, sleep taking your body again.

[thefanficmonster]

Never Satisfied [Chapter 6]

Corpse Husband x Original Female Character

Warnings: Language

A collaboration between Vy & Ashens 🖤

“I don’t wanna look like this, fuck”

Previously on Never Satisfied:

Digital Checkpoint activated. Reply to save progress. 💜 — Cora

With minimal contemplation he replies seconds later.

Corpse: save

Cora: your progress has been saved. Thank you for choosing A.S.S. - the Automated Save System. You are now free to activate the digital checkpoint at any time. 

Cora: I had a nice time. Text me whenever you need to. We’ll hang out again soon, deal?

Corpse: thank you

Cora: anytime sugar ;)

Funny how a text exchange so simple and short can turn so much around for a person. Funny how a huge weight lifts off him the second he locks his phone, suddenly finding it easier to breathe, to move, to blink, to function - to live. She gives him that kick he needs to be reminded to live and not just be alive. He’s still not comfortable with how much he’s relying on her but seeing her effect on him is nothing but positive, the most and best thing he can do for himself is go with the flow and let things happen. No overthinking, no planning, no shooting guesses, just facing things as they come face-to-face with him. He may never get used to it, but he won’t know that until he tries, will he?

                                                            *  *  *

Corpse sighs as he looks at himself in the mirror. He’s been trying to step up a little with the dressing game since he’ll be having a special guest over - ok, truth be told, he didn’t invite her, she invited herself but he’s glad she did. Lord knows he wants her company and wants her around but he could never bring himself to invite her over or initiate a hangout. Good thing Cora doesn’t expect anything from him, not of that nature at least. It’s oddly amazing having a person like her - someone who basically reads his mind like an open book and then takes action according to what she’s read. It’s not only the fact that she accurately gauges all his wants and needs, but also how she knows exactly what to do to satisfy them. To calm him down, to relieve his anxiety, to make him feel comfortable. He feels strangely selfish for always being on the receiving end of this friendship, although he doesn’t see much he could do for her. He’s decided to let time have full control of the course of their relationship, hoping his giver time would come soon.

As of now, however, it still hasn’t and he can stomach that.

It’s been about a week and a half since their first hangout but he hasn’t missed her once. That may be due to how much they’ve been texting ever since he unlocked that checkpoint she offered him. To be more specific, it probably has something to do with the fact that her texts are always so full of life and light, sounding almost like she’s there with him, talking in her signature upbeat and bubbly way which is such a contrast to his own melancholic approach to any conversation ever. 

She’s also sent him a ton of memes and selfies, plus pictures she took of clients’ pets. In return for her kindness, he’s sent her bad jokes, weird internet articles about ghosts and pictures of the current game he was playing. Needless to say, their chats have been very colorful.

Now that the scene has been set up a little better, a direct timeline of events lading up to this one would be appreciated, wouldn’t it? Ok so, it all started with an “I’m bored” text Corpse received from Cora about two hours ago. Instinctively, and partially because he didn’t have any idea what else he could possibly say in response to that he sent back an apology. An apology Cora apparently deemed a loophole she could use to invite herself over cause that’s exactly what she did, not that Corpse minds it much. In fact, he felt his heartbeat quicken with excitement when her “K then, I’ll be there in a bit :)” text came in. At first he thought it was his anxiety kicking in but when he realized the rest of his typical symptoms remained absent it took him a little while to pinpoint what that emotion could be.

The epiphany came in the form of the word ‘excitement’.

Regardless of the newfound feeling, or maybe exactly because of it, he attempted to protest. A protest she killed easily with a threatening “I know where you live” text which sent Corpse scrambling to get the apartment in some kind of order. Himself too, it’s safe to say he wasn’t looking the most presentable when he received that message. 

His cleaning session consisted mostly of him shoving the strewn about items in his closet and closing it shut like a wild beast dwelled inside, placing a chair in front of the door as a sign for her not to open it and also as a way of preventing the thing from opening on its own because of how overflowing it was. 

Afterwards he scrambled into the shower to scrub himself down. It’d been too much for him to tackle given he wasn’t doing too well mentally, but considering he was now suddenly expecting company he thought it’d be for the best not to subject his new friend to the three-day-unshowered Corpse stank. 

Right now, his main focus is his face, his stomach sinking at the sight of himself in the mirror’s reflection. 

How does she even want to see me? 

His mirror is cracked along the right side, spider web-like cracks reaching towards the center of it from the impact point serving as a reminder of a particularly bad night he’d rather forget.

He sighs as he combs his hair, knowing the dark curls won’t oblige and behave no matter how much he tries. He touches his jaw, deciding to let himself off the hook by deeming that a shave wouldn’t be necessary for at least another day. And then his eyes land on his clothes - an outfit it didn’t take him long to put together since those are the only articles of clothing in his closet he’d consider presentable enough to be shown off in front of a new friend who is yet to find out how much of a slob he really is. That clothing choice consists of a black button-up shirt and jeans. 

This is nice, right? It’s fine. It’s business casual but definitely leaning more towards casual, as some would say. I look...nice, decent. I’ll take it - it’s enough. Far better than my ‘usual’.

A knock at the door startles him, though it’s quickly followed by a voice he’s grown to find very endearing: 

“THIS IS THE COPPAS! OPEN UP YA’ DOOR!” The voice yells out, probably loud enough for the whole complex to hear but it’s not like he gives a shit. And, as context clues show, neither does she.

Corpse exits his bathroom, heading for the front door, pulling the chain off and unlocking the deadbolt before opening it. The object of his newfound affection stands on the other side, grinning and beaming with that usual light she has surrounding her. Her hair is thrown up into a messy bun - a hairstyle she seems to love - and she’s wearing a simple red t-shirt covered in little chubby, cartoonish black cats that seem to be struggling to exist. 

He smiles a little, finding it in himself to speak up but when he opens his mouth to do so, she cuts him off.

“Jesus, did you just come back from a funeral?” She asks, pulling at one of the buttons on his chest as she walks past him, letting herself in. 

His eyes, completely on their own accord, wander down as she walks on by, causing him to swallow hard as he finds himself staring at a pair of tanned legs, patterned by the fishnets she’s wearing, leading up to a pair of short black shorts. 

She turns on her heel about halfway down the hall, leading him to take an inevitable notice of how her well-loved boots could use a polish. Anyhow, he snaps his gaze away to hide the fact he’s been gawking, despite not really meaning to.

“No, but for real, why are you wearing that? You seem super confined and uncomfy, bud.”

Corpse blinks before swallowing and glancing down at himself, pulling at the button she touched before looking back up, his gaze traveling up the length of her legs. She has suspenders hanging over her thighs, more of an accessory than a necessary addition to her outfit. “I just...I dunno, I thought it looked nice. Does it not? I mean, I wouldn’t know, really. I don’t usually dress like this.”

“I mean, you look dapper as fuck but if you’re not comfortable then change, get your comfy game on. I’m the last person you need to impress in this world.”

God, she sees right through him. Even so, he considers protesting, trying to convince it’s all fine, that he likes this shirt and the outfit in its entirety. But her stare sets the record straight for him - she’ll know it’s all lies. And with that in mind, he lets his shoulders fall. Not a full second passes before he promptly starts undoing his buttons. 

“Oh, thank fuck.”  She comments as he  goes to retreat into his room, stripping the shirt off as he walks, unaware of her lingering eyes on his back, unaware of her lower lip bitten between her pearly teeth. Unaware of the subtle shift in her stance as she looks him over much like he did her moments earlier.

When he returns a moment later in a simple dark grey t-shirt, she greets him with a grin and pats his chest. “Much better.”

It doesn’t take long for them to decide to crash on his couch, throw on a bad movie and just sit in comfortable silence. Comfortable silence - something that usually eats away at him and is anything but comfortable he now sees as calming, a soothe to his ever-racing mind. 

Disrespecting the movie, Corpse takes to analyzing his guest instead. She has so much confidence, he can’t help but notice, like she’s been here hundreds of times, known him for so long. He hates her a little for it. Well, it’s not quite hate, it leans more toward envy. Jealousy. That human-nature characteristic of wanting what someone else has but you desperately need/wish you had. In his mind, she’s almost selfish: Why couldn’t she share some of that confidence and carefree manner with the rest of the world? It oozes out of her like a drip of honey from a beehive, sweet and warm. And all he wants yet has none of.

He instinctively tenses up as he feels her move closer before, suddenly, her head drops into his lap, legs kicked over the armrest of the couch. He holds his breath almost subconsciously, staring at her as she remains focused on the television. Unsure of what to do with his hands, he puts one across the back of the couch and the other awkwardly bent above his head. He doesn’t want her to get the wrong idea if he touches her. He doesn’t want to come off as a creep nor does he want to overstep any of her boundaries, despite the fact she’s walking a dangerous line of overstepping his. Well, that would’ve been the case if this was done by anyone but her. The way Corpse comes to this realization is when he figures out that he really doesn’t mind this proximity, as long as he doesn’t embarrass himself or creep her out in any way.

What felt like an eternity passes before she finally speaks up, still without looking away from the movie playing on the screen opposite the couch, “You know, I can feel how tense you are.” 

His face flushes with embarrassment, heating up as his mind immediately goes to the worst possible outcome of this situation.

She’ll probably sit up, or leave, he thinks to himself, heart thumping in his ears as he tries to observe her face the best he can from this angle. Nevertheless, he swallows that fear as she rolls her head to look up at him with those large glittering doe eyes, grinning a bit as she seems to always do, “You can just put your hands wherever it’s comfortable for you. I don’t mind.”

He hesitates for a moment but, as always, he doesn’t get much say cause she makes the choice for him, knowing that pesky fear is keeping him immobile. She takes the hand from over his head and pulls it down to rest just next to her skull. She then drags the one resting at the back of the couch, placing it so his hand is resting dead-center on her stomach. Satisfied with how she’s rearranged his posture, she goes back to watching the movie but not before asking: “This okay?” while looking at him through her peripheral vision. 

He’d have to admit it’s far more comfortable like this.

“Yeah, it’s fine. You’re okay?” He asks, feeling relieved when he feels her nod against his leg. 

He moves his hand a little and swallows hard as he contemplates if he really should make the move he’s thinking of at the moment. And then he abruptly decides not to think. So, instead, he acts on it. 

Without thinking of any potential negative consequences, Corpse slides his fingers to lace with hers, resting their conjoined hands on her stomach in the same spot where she left his hand a bit ago. She curls her digits around his tighter as reassurance that it’s ok. Her palm feels warm in his hand, her thumb tracing his cold metal rings. 

Checkpoint...his checkpoint. 

Is this what it feels like to be normal?, he wonders, Is this what it feels like to really connect with someone? He has never felt this before. He’s never met someone who has such an effect on him, understand him like this - Without even having to ask she grounded him; she knew what he needed and didn’t make him feel like an idiot about it. Instead she gave him the comfort he needed.

And suddenly he finds himself afraid - realizing that this isn’t simply a vibe of two buddies hanging out. He has that subtle ache in his chest that’s telling him he wants something…something substantial from this friendship. He wants this to last, or for it to blossom, he’s not sure yet. But for the first time, he doesn’t feel the overwhelming need to figure it out. That’s one of the many effects this girl has on him - she’s the definition of improvisation, unpredictable and alive. He’s slowly learning to let loose himself, all thanks to her. Slowly, he’s learning to trust time. 

He abruptly realizes he’s glancing at her often as the movie is still running, examining her features and slowly running his gaze down the length of her fishnet-clad thighs before quickly looking away, mentally scolding himself. It’s hard, but he manages to turn his gaze elsewhere for his sake and hers. For the sake of keeping things normal, platonic and not in any way awkward for either of them. The last thing he needs is to make things weird by letting his mind wander and activate his libido and then she’d really notice how tense he is. 

Cora remains oblivious to what’s going on in his head, thank God, as she continues running her thumb across his knuckles, eyes half lidded in calm content - something that’d typically seem like the complete opposite of what she is. He likes seeing her like this, tamed almost. He feels like no one else has had the privilege to see this calm side of her. Maybe that’s not the truth - it probably isn’t - but he still feels special, knowing that it’s a tight circle of people who have seen her this way.

And then he realizes the movements of her thumb on his hand have stopped.

He freezes for a moment, his fearful gaze travelling to her face where he’s relieved to find her eyes closed only seconds before he hears a light snore escape her.

She’s fallen asleep.

It’s an odd scene. She’s such a wild and free spirit, seeing her fall asleep like this is like observing an abnormality, a paranormal event. You know, like something one doesn’t usually believe exists or is capable of happening. He’d never before been able to imagine her asleep. It’s ridiculous, he’s aware - she’s human after all, but his mind has never been able to comprehend the thought and image of her captured by the power of sleep. He simply couldn’t see it happening. But now that it’s happened in front of him, he can’t look away from the sight of her relaxed, peaceful features, overcome by sudden slumber.

And then he comes to the realization that he’s now practically held hostage on his own couch, crippled by the danger of waking her up. It’s gonna be a long while, isn’t it, he thinks to himself, yet there’s still a satisfied smile on his face. A smile that’s a result of knowing he’s held hostage by her. That’s more a blessing than a curse, if he’s being honest.

@fockingwhore  @vixenl  @annshit  @wineandionysus  @wiseflamingoqueen

[lord-of-christmas-lights]

I could post regular Narnia headcanons...

Or I could post the continuation of this post and go into depth about how Eustace and Caspian are affected by deity Narnia. Welcome back to Inhuman Narnia 101 and it turned out just as long as the first one so buckle up.

Check out this post by @dorianviolet for another awesome version of Inhuman AU Caspian

Warnings for slight body horror mentions including blood magic stuff, slight religious themes and theological discussion towards the end.

Before anything: This AU directly contradicts canon a lot. I don't care, that's why it's called an AU. Some of it is deliberate, some of it is accidental. I haven't read the books in a number of years, so this is all based on the movies and general information I've picked up from fanfic and tumblr. Discussion on this post is welcomed, criticism and arguments are not. Thank you.

First off, here is the link to an exploration of Dragoning, the Eustace-centric fic I wrote about this. I refer to it repeatedly in this post so if you want the full thing, there it is.

Second, let's get into this. So in my last post, I talked a lot about Narnia, her general existence in this AU, and her motivations as a character. She wants the people in her world to be a part of her, and no one else. Some of this is a conscious choice, and some of it isn't. Eustace's changes throughout his time in VOTDT are definitely not purposeful. It was his greed that drove him to the treasure, it was his own "curse" in becoming a dragon. That was not Narnia reaching out to him and purposefully trying to mold him to her world. As such, he takes on more of an observing role.

Eustace doesn't ever actually directly address his cousins on the subject of their inhumanity, in this fic or in any other I write. He simply sees it, notes it happening, and moves on. Even in the sections in my fics where the subject of inhumanity in general is brought up between Eustace and one of his cousins, it's always about Caspian, the greater Narnian world, or himself.

"Eustace asks why, and Lucy answers. Narnia changes people, she says. It happens to everyone, but the closer you are to her Heart, the greater it is. I don't know where Dragons are. Perhaps closer than we realized. It's exhilarating, isn't it? Aslan will return us to normal though, at the end of our journey." - AEOD

I don't know why, but I don't like the idea of Eustace trying to directly address the Pevensie brand of inhumanity. That line above takes place after his UnDragoning, after the way he sees things has changed, and I see it as him asking what exactly has changed, you know, why are Dragons different than boys?

That brings me to how Eustace himself changes. Now, if he hadn't gone and turned into a Dragon, I imagine Narnia wouldn't have taken much note of him. He's a random human, stuck-up, not at all in line for ruling her lands, and just kind of exists without much else going on. She still would have affected him a little, as she does to all humans in her world but it would have been almost entirely spiritual with no physical changes. And then we got the greatest fuck around and find out scene ever. He becomes a Dragon.

I love dragons, always have, I have a very deep spiritual connection to these creatures, and as such, I have gone all out on worldbuilding for Narnian Dragons. Again, the quote from AEOD, "...the closer you are to her Heart, the greater it is. I don't know where Dragons are. Perhaps closer than we realized." In the Inhuman AU, Dragons were the first creatures Narnia (the deity) and Aslan made when they created Narnia (the world). They just really liked the dragon shape from other worlds and thought, "Hey wouldn't it be cool if our world was populated by these big fire-breathing lizards?" Now I don't actually remember how often Dragons are mentioned and/or featured in the books so I'm going with my idea that Dragons are a somewhat rare but not extinct species. They have to be created through magical means, often through physical transformation of people or objects, though there are a few known cases of natural-born Narnian Dragons. Eustace's creation was the curse on the treasure, though I don't see his Dragoning as a curse itself. As in, the curse isn't in the being a Dragon, it's in how the Dragon was created. So, Eustace experiences this accidental change into a creature that's closer to Narnia's Heart than pretty much any other being in Narnia. They were her first creations, forged from the fire in the Stars, and they are the closest to her magic. And that gets her attention.

Now, if you went and read AEOD, you'll have noticed that one of Eustace's biggest changes (aside from the obvious physical ones) is his vision. This is just a natural thing for Dragons, they are far more in tune with magic and the earth and everything than everyone else, but Narnia's special interest in him definitely amplifies the hell out of his magic sense.

"The people here say dragons see the oddest of things, and he has to assume it's a hallucination....He refuses to give into its whims, reminds himself it's just his imagination. Until Reepicheep comments on it." - AEOD. Following this quote, Reepicheep mentions to Lucy that her inhumanity is returning faster than Edmund's and Eustace has a total panic attack at the idea that what he's seeing is real. He sees what everyone else does, Lucy's stained fingers and Edmund's ability to manipulate words, but he also notices stuff no one else does like the stars in Edmund's throat and the echoes that follow Lucy's words. This is further cemented after his UnDragoning, where the extra stuff he perceived has vanished. Now the general idea in this AU is that the closer to Narnia's Heart you are, the more you know and perceive. Everyone can see some of the more obvious inhuman aspects of the Pevensies, but there are things that only Dragons, druids, Stars, and some other magic folk really close to Narnia's Heart see. I'm not going to get into an exact chart of what certain characters can and cannot see because that can change over time and such and I'd rather leave it mostly up to personal interpretation on what other characters do and do not perceive about the Pevensies and other such inhuman characters.

(Side note—I had to pause in the writing of this post here to go to my second meeting for an autism assessment and I think if I just showed the doctor my notes app and the inhuman/dark fantasy narnia tag on my blog, I'd get the diagnosis instantly lol) So anyways, Narnia senses Eustace becoming a Dragon and is like "Ooohoo what's this?" and starts sort of digging into him in the same way she does to her Kings and Queens. This triggers his already enhanced perception of Narnia (the world) to get even stronger, and this is when he starts seeing stuff like people's souls, Caspian's second heart (more on that soon), and looking at Lucy/Edmund/Lilliandil becomes almost painful because Narnia's magic is so bright in them. Aslan then UnDragons him, which Narnia really doesn't like btw, and Eustace is back to being a fairly average human.

This is where stuff established in AEOD ends.

Now I have so many ideas and half finished fanfics written out in my notes app about Eustace, UnDragoning, and inhumanity and it would be impossible to cover them all here, so I'm just going to go with the highlights. One of my favorite ones is the idea that after Eustace's UnDragoning, he still feels very connected to being a dragon. He's had this taste of pure inhumanity, and something like that doesn't just leave a person. There's a fic I read once long before I was fully invested in this fandom about Eustace and draconity that I will never stop thinking about and was actually the reason I started considering Eustace and Narnian Dragons in this AU. One of the really important things to note is that once a Dragon is created, they can never be uncreated. They can be UnDragoned, where their physical form is returned to whatever it was before their Dragoning (a rock, a talisman, a faun, etc) but their soul has changed on a fundamental level to that of a Dragon. Now for Eustace in my Inhuman AU, this manifests spiritually as a deep longing to return to being a Dragon. Physically, he experiences fun side effects like increased heat tolerance, nails that grow faster than normal, and because Narnia likes to meddle, a single ridge of scales along his spine. In some versions of my drafts, he stays at the end of VOTDT and experiences a slow Dragoning because Narnia's influence on him is that strong, other versions he stays but never quite returns to the Dragon he was before, and in yet other versions, he returns to England and loses that connection enough that physically, he will never be a Dragon again. As I said, Narnia is fascinated by him, she's never really had a human Dragon before, but he is still just a random guy who happens to be related to the Pevensies and as such, she doesn't invest as much time or magic into his inhumanity.

So that's Eustace. This is already such a long post but I promised to talk about both him and Caspian so here we go.

Now, in my last post I talked a bit about how Narnia (the deity) affects the other humans in Narnia (the world) to an extent, but it's nowhere near the amount she does to her Kings and Queens, and also this diminishes more and more the farther you get from Narnia (the country). Telmar is fairly close to Narnia (the country) but as we see in PC, a lot of Narnia's magic and spirit has been diminished by the time Caspian is born. Up until the awakening of the land during the battle, Caspian is essentially 100% human. However, this changes very quickly.

It's hard to pinpoint the exact moment Caspian becomes a King of Narnia. Is it when he refuses to kill Miraz? Is it when Aslan tells him he's one? Is it during his actual coronation? Yes, yes, and yes. I try not to pin it down to an exact moment. By the end of PC though, he's definitely noticing some changes in himself. I have an unpublished part 2 to an exploration of Inhumanity (my only other actually posted fic on this stuff) that I swear I will clean up and get posted soon that goes into further detail on the changes he's noticing at the end of AEOI. Some of the big ones include a second golden heart, seeing some of the life magic in the world around him, and a golden glow on his palms. He also slowly develops the ability to heal, though it's not always consistent. Magic takes practice, lots and lots of practice. In pt 2, the glow on his palms has gotten so bright and also spread around his head like a halo, and Lucy shows him how to conceal it so he's not impossible to look at, but because of Magic™ there's still a dusting of golden powdery stuff across his skin. His blood turns golden because Ben Barnes + golden blood is such pretty imagery, and like the others, it gets sucked down and absorbed into Narnia's Heart when he bleeds in battle. Also when I say he's got a second heart I mean he's got a second fucking heart. Ribcage shift and all. (His appearance doesn't actually change, it's more like a pocket dimension thing going on inside him, but he sure as hell can feel it happening). Having Narnia as a patron goddess just means you have to put up with a second puberty sometimes lol.

Anyways, there's a line in AEOI that I feel explains this stuff really well. "He cannot truly protect the land without becoming a part of it himself." Narnia changes her Kings and Queens because she wants them to be a part of her. Aslan doesn't really see these changes as necessary (in canon, a world without deity Narnia, they don't happen), and if the storyline we pick is the one that's the constant cycle of humanity and inhumanity, it's sort of a push and pull between them. Aslan wants the Pevensies, and by proxy anyone else who rules Narnia or experiences these changes, to keep their humanity, to stay as they were Created by him. Narnia, however, wants them to be as much a part of her as she is of them. It's very clear in both the books and the movies that Narnia (the world) is where these characters belong. In the end, they all come home to her (yes, Susan too because fuck Mr. Clive Staples Lewis). Caspian being anything less than fully inhuman is something she cannot handle. She is constantly having to recreate the Pevensies, reestablish her hold on them, only to have them return to England and become mostly human again. Caspian cannot be taken away from her, he is in this world by birth and she is going to do everything she can to shape him into the ruler he needs to be.

Once again, I would like to state that Aslan and Narnia are not opposing sides of good and evil. Gods cannot be defined by human standards, and to think either Narnia or Aslan completely in the right or wrong in this AU would be, well, an interesting standpoint, but really not the one I'm going for here. I'm not going to say it's a misinterpretation, I am very open to hearing people's thoughts on this AU, and everyone's going to see things differently. Just, please reread what I've written about them before you start making that argument.

Anyways, that wraps this post up because I have spent the better part of the past 6 hours writing this. I spent way more time on Eustace than I intended but it's just so fascinating to think about inhumanity from his perspective considering he's the only one in canon that actually was (briefly) inhuman. Again, if you got this far, congratulations! If you use any of my ideas mentioned here, please tag me, I am so starved for inhuman Narnia content lol.