#she's such a bad person but shes also my silly middle aged woman

[arolesbianism]

Oh baby my brain is crashing

[oddballwriter]

Triplets?!

Summary: A dumb thought I had and decided to write. 

Warnings: There isn't anything that I can think of other than just a misunderstanding that leads to something funny 

Author’s Snip: This was just a silly little post that I had come to mind when I heard the one MBMbam clip where its a person talking about how they call their male friends their "boys" and a drive thru worker thinks that the person is a parent, also a little bit of Reba McEntire's I'm a Survivor "A single mom who works two jobs who loves her kids and never stops" meme. This whole thing is kind of just a writing shit post.

Notes: This isn't proof read 

I’ll shut up now. Enjoy! And don’t be afraid to request.

It was an inside joke. With yourself.

As a joke you would call your Marc, Steven, and Jake your triplets even though they were your boyfriends. It was kind of like when a mom says "I have two children, three if you want to include my husband.". It wasn't meant to be mean. It was just a light hearted joke since they can sometimes be everywhere and your sense of domestically can be hectic.

Speaking of domestic things, you were currently grocery shopping but line was painfully long and slow for whatever reason. It wasn't all bad though. There was this nice lady named Cathy behind you, and you two had started having a full conversation after she made small talk about how long the line was. She was an older woman, maybe in her mid to late forties. You had offered to switch spots in line since she had more in her cart than you but she said she didn't mind and that you should be quicker either way. You could tell she was a mom just by the looks of her and how she was acting. She wasn't exactly mothering you but she was talking like how most moms talk to younger people compared to her.

Your conversations topic had just changed to something else when your phone rang. It was Steven.

"Oh, one of my triplets." you mumble under your voice before answering. The call wasn't much. He just called to ask if everything's alright since you've been out for longer than you said you would and some other things before you ended the call with an "I love you, bye.".

"Wow. Three of them? Huh?" Cathy smiled. You looked at her confused for a moment before realizing that she might have heard your mumble.

"That must be chaos." she said. "I have issues wrangling my kids and they're all different ages!" she adds with a laugh. You just nod along, but she still goes on with the new subject.

"How old are they?" Cathy asked, to which you respond with "Thirteen." since that seemed like a reasonable age for a 'kid' to have a phone. "Oh my gosh! Three of them and they're teenagers?" she pitied. "At such a young age like you too. Sweetheart, you deserve a metal." Cathy praised. "It's not that bad." you say as you try and go along with this accidental act you placed on yourself, "Only one of them is a troublemaker. The other two... well they stay inside at least." you joke, mostly for yourself.

Cathy had actually become very chatty and mostly took up the subject. She talked about how her eldest, Kimberly, was sixteen and that she was starting to talk to boys and stay out. Her second eldest, Noah, was starting to have an attitude with her. The middle, Jackie, was having issues in getting along in the classroom and during recess. And her toddler, Marie, was leaning manners and "That's going as good as you think it is." as Cathy put it.

You wanted to stop her so that you could leave but she was just so nice, and sounded like she needed to vent out some stress, so you let her go on while the casher checked out both you and her carts. Cathy did give you the note that her husband was also involved in the kids too but since she's a stay at home she was the frontline.

You felt a bit sad when you had to leave and head home. You didn't know if you'd meet Cathy ever again but you already missed her and said your goodbyes to her, with her of course saying "And best of luck with your triplets.".

When you got home Steven was there to help take in the bags but at a certain point when you locked eyes and laughed he asked what was up.

"There's a forty-something year old woman named Cathy somewhere in town and she thinks I'm a parent with teenage triplets." you confess.

[elerrinacrownedwithstars]

Galadriel in the Rings of Power, part 4: A savvy politician or a silly brash youth?

This post is the continuation of my analysis of Galadriel as she is portrayed in the Amazon series The Rings of Power - and why I think it is so very bad. Part 1 focused on the the portrayal of her being a warrior, and the many problems it creates for her character and possibly even for LOTR, whereas part 2 argued that what is supposed to be war trauma is actually just an awful personality. Part 3 focuses on the ways ROP undermines Galadriel's story as a woman, wife, and mother.

Part 1 x Part 2 x Part 3

This post will discuss the various ways Galadriel's portrayal in ROP is wrong when comparing the mental qualities she expresses in canon and in the show, the depiction of her age, and whether she is well cast in the show.

I will post my arguments in a few different posts, because that should make the whole much more readable. I will use the tags #anti rop and #anti rings of power for the benefit of those who may want to filter my posts.

If you like Amazon Rings of Power, I have no issue with that; I only take issue with how a character I've loved for over a decade is portrayed in this show.

6. ROP!Galadriel does not have the mental capacity and abilities she should have.

In Tolkien's versions of Galadriel's story, she is consistently portrayed as an individual of high intellect and wisdom, matching even the loremasters of her people. She is insightful and astute, seeing into the hearts of people around her, and recognising evil even under a fair form. She is collected and resilient after great ordeals and suffering. She never is persuaded to follow or even like Fëanor, and when Sauron comes to Eregion as Annatar, she knows him immediately for what he is. She learns to check her ambition and when she's offered the rule of Lothlórien, she won't become a queen after King Amroth, but assumes more of a regent's role as the Lady of the Wood. Galadriel is also a strong and wise leader, respected by her subordinates and other Elven communities, which implies great diplomatic skill. As I have argued before, it is striking that she, a Noldo and blood-relation of Kinslayers, is revered among the Elves of MIddle-earth. It's hard to believe this would be possible if she did not build and maintain a connection with them throughout the First and Second Ages. When the Istari arrive in Middle-earth, she rightly recognises Gandalf as the greatest of them. She travels through Khazad-dûm with her daughter, and does so while her husband Celeborn refuses the journey due to his prejudices for Dwarves, thus showing her tolerance and ability to deal with the other peoples of Middle-earth. She makes allies among the peoples of Middle-earth, is the instigator of the White Council and even invokes love in the heart of Gimli the dwarf, who has every reason to be mistrustful of her. Specifically, it is her eloquence and respect for his culture that wins him over. She is one of the very few noble Noldorin Elves to survive the First Age and endure until the end of the Third. 

I don't find any of these qualities in ROP!Galadriel. The most glaring difference is how blind and gullible she is to Sauron/Halbrand's deceptions - a direct contradiction of how canonically Galadriel immediately saw through his disguise and was his enemy from the start. ROP!Galadriel doesn't seem particularly intelligent, what with jumping out of a ship and trying to swim across an ocean, and spending centuries fruitlessly hunting Sauron. And as I argued in the part 3, it doesn't seem like she ever had a very good plan of how to bring down Sauron, if she ever found him - unless her intention always was to self-destruct by Sauron.

She has no wisdom whatsoever, doesn't see her own faults and doesn't try to check herself. She is a princess of Noldor and in her youth witnessed all the tensions and rivalries at her grandfather's court, but still she has no skill in politics, diplomacy or negotiation. She lets herself be manipulated by Gil-galad, stepping on the ship that sails for Valinor and only jumps out at the point when there is no way she could possibly swim back to Middle-earth (only to be saved by idiot plot). She is antagonising against potential allies. She waltzes into the court of Númenor, yells platitudes at the regent, makes arrogant demands and gets herself thrown in jail - which she gets out of not by eloquence and persuasion, but by aggression and violence. The only reason Míriel seems to help her is because Míriel's own foreboding, not because Galadriel's diplomatic skill. She is a blunt weapon of no artistry or subtlety. She is rude even when her circumstances require tact and caution, and continues to act in a coarse way even though the Númenóreans' prejudices against Elves are already causing tensions and the smart thing to do would be to show discretion and courtesy. For her community, she is a problem to be dealt with, not a great asset and ally. She has no personal dignity and people around have no respect for her. And why would they? She is not nice even to her so called friends and mostly she is bothered to care about people around her when they can somehow serve her vengeance. Pride is maybe the only thing ROP!Galadriel has in common with her canon counterpart, but it's combined with an already awful personality and no redeeming qualities.

7. Depiction of Galadriel's age is nonsensical.

This argument has not just to do with Galadriel, but is linked with the show's larger problems with portraying Elves and the compression of time - although it is telling that it's the female character that gets this treatment, not one of the male Elves. However, this is another discussion altogether and I will cover it in the final part of my analysis.

According to Tolkien's lore, Elves reach maturity at the age of a hundred years. Galadriel at the end of the Second Age is already thousands of years old. At this point in canon, she has been married for an age and has a grown daughter. She is one of the oldest and most powerful elves of Middle-earth, and is senior to Gil-galad and Celebrimbor. 

Although ROP still maintains that Galadriel was born in Valinor during the years of the Trees and is thus exactly as old as in canon, you would not guess it from the way she presents herself. She is so brash and immature in her behaviour that Elendil, a mortal who can't even comprehend the ages she has lived, actually says she reminds him of his children (is this some convoluted way of saying that only parenthood will bring out one's full potential?). Meanwhile, Gil-galad and Celebrimbor, who are both her junior, are portrayed as older and more mature. In canon, Galadriel is wise already as a young elf and her wisdom grows only greater during her long life, but ROP!Galadriel has absolutely no wisdom and despite her great age, acts like a hot-headed teenager. It seems the show wants to portray her as "young Galadriel", never mind the fact that this character cannot in any way be considered young at the end of the Second Age. Heck, it would be a reach even if the show began at the start of SA.

8. Galadriel is not well cast

I will admit that this argument is partly a matter of taste, but there is also a more objective observation to be made: Galadriel is described as a very tall woman, as tall as most male Elves. She is also an athlete in her youth, and also physically strong. Combining this with her high intellect, her ability to read the hearts and minds of others, and heritage as a High Elf who saw the light of the Trees, Galadriel should be played by a tall, imposing and striking woman. 

The actress Amazon cast in the role does not have these qualities. She is diminutive and does not stand out in any scene as an ancient and powerful Elf. The weight of the role would be humongous for anyone after Cate Blanchett's widely beloved portrayal, and it is certainly not helpful that the show creators have made some very controversial choices about the character.

On a more subjective note, in my opinion the actress is not particularly good in the role. Most of the time, she has only two expressions, sullenness and angry sneer. Her delivery is not very good or convincing. But maybe this is not the actress' fault: the problems could stem from the script and direction, which are at times laughably bad. I don't know of the actress' previous work - I'm under the impression that she is a new face in the business and ROP is her first major role - so it may be also a question of experience.

Also we should cast tall women in more roles. 

&&&&&&

The next and the final part will attempt to tie in my arguments and also point out some problems with the show that are not necessarily about Galadriel, but affect nonetheless the way she's portrayed in the show.

[v-o-i-d-e-d]

I’ll Follow Your Lead - Hot Chocolate and a Cinnamon Bun

~Also posted on my Ao3 and Wattpad~

Part 2

Dorothea Lindsay was a woman of great patience. Her kind smile never wavered as the middle-aged man in front of her studied the café menu as if it were a novel invention. Inwardly, she was screaming for him to pick something so that she could get on with her day, however, she simply switched her weight from her right leg to her left leg.

    “I think I’ll have an Earl Grey tea with lemon. As well as one of the fresh cakes for the day,” The man finally said. He was nice enough – he had a nice smile and spoke softly – but boy he was thorough with his menu options.

    “I’ll have that right out for you, sir!” Dorothea nodded and turned on her heel. She brushed her hair away from her eyes and swiftly made her way to the front counter where she would gather the man’s order.

    Dorothea was a hopeful woman. She had a silly dream to become a musician – a singer. She had the talent and the face to make it big but hadn’t made her break yet. As she slaved away in Café le Plus Sucré, she dreamed of being featured in the spotlight of a grand stage. In the evenings, she did small shows in a local restaurant: Rinaldi’s. It was a small Italian restaurant that hosted all kinds of people from around the city. New York City was supposed to be Dorothea’s chance for greatness; instead, she was closing in on her second year as a waitress. She was a hard-working woman, just barely 16 and already holding down two steady jobs. She did not have anyone else to depend on and had very little money but she scraped by.

    She mindlessly prepared the man’s tea and grabbed one of the freshly baked lemon cakes from the cooling rack before waltzing back to the man. As she placed his order in front of him, he smiled widely at her and rested his callused hand on her soft one.

    “You look tired, miss. It’s a shame that they have such a pretty girl working so hard!”

    Dorothea rolled her eyes but quickly recovered her smile.

    “Oh, it’s not so bad. I get to meet a lot of interesting people here. There’s hardly a dull moment!

      She had lied to that man. The afternoons at the café were always dull and time passed with absentminded cleaning and magazine reading. Dorothea sat on a stool behind the counter. Only one other person was in the building and it was an old woman that frequents the establishment. Dorothea had already set her up with her normal order, at her normal table and left her to watch the people pass outside of the large window. Now she was flipping through this month’s Vogue issue and awaiting the evening rush. She could hear the honking of automobiles and even the clopping of horses' hooves against the cobblestone as she read the articles and studied the pictures. She was envious of these beautifully styled women as she sat in a stained dress and apron with her hair sloppily tied up with a dark red ribbon. Just as she let out a heavy sigh, the front door opened.

    The young man was about Dorothea’s age and was dressed in some old, simple clothes. He held a leather-bound book and a small pencil case in his hand and wore ratty boots on his feet. He looked around the cozy building before his bright blue eyes landed on the woman at the counter. He paused for a brief moment before proceeding toward the counter and taking a seat on one of the stools.

    “What can I get for you, sir?” Her voice was warm and smooth, like a nice hot chocolate. Her eyes were much the same.

    The man cleared his throat.

“Um,” He glanced around the counter looking for a menu and the girl chuckled to herself.

“Forgive me! I didn’t even ask if you wanted a menu,” She turned around and grabbed a sheet of paper, and then presented it to the man. He smiled and his eyes finally left hers. He scanned the options, surprised that such a nice place had such low prices.

“How about a hot chocolate with a cinnamon bun,”

Dorothea could not help but laugh at his choice. The man responded by furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. “What?”

    “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to offend. It’s just that I don’t meet many men with an order such as this! Most men think it too sweet.”

    “I’ve got a taste for sweet things,” his pink lips quirked in a smirk. “What’s your name?”

    “Dorothea.”

    “Jack.”

[butchviking]

could u describe your feelings about Cheerard

ogh man. i am like always going off about this 2 people but u put me on the spot like that i get scared. um.

well. first of all she represents freedom 2 me. gerard has clearly always been kind of a feminine dude, "i was a girl to a lot of people growing up" "i have always identified a fair amount with the female gender" "masculinity has always made me feel like it wasnt right for me".. he expressed this 2 some degree w stage looks, w all the makeup & everything, and sure mcr have always had adoring fans but he also very much has always always been called a fag mcr have always all been called fags on the regular people have not always been kind. and hesitant alien era he was clearly going thru a lot and thinking about a lot. and from that angle it just meant the world to see him like. openly crossdress in the public eye for the first time (we know he's crossdressed before but never in the public eye u know?) and look so HAPPY. with his friends who support him. and u could feel the love u could see it u could almost hold it in ur hands. that was true of the whole tour ofc but it made me wail and cry seeing his buddies giving him a hug and everyone cheering and loving and supporting him. as a gnc person who has also gone thru Gender Issues. and the fact that he was doing it all at 45 with grey hairs and wrinkles and sinewy middle-aged-man legs. there is a future u know. there is a future. and theres happiness there. and he just looked like he was having so much fun and not giving a fuck.. again, vibe of the whole tour, but it was so special 2 see him dancing and jumping and twirling..

also. hm. hard to know how to phrase this one without just copying out a previously written essay. as a woman, who also was once a girl, feminity is something that has often been forced on me. the world has tried to make it a prison for me and i have chewed through the bars kicking and screaming. and over the years ive stubbornly gone very much the other way and eschewed anything that could b considered feminine and viewed all things feminine as evil and as a cage. bc thats what that was to me. but the thing is that not everything deemed feminine is necessarily bad. ive avoided gentleness and vulnerability as much as ive avoided superficial aesthetic markers of femininity like skirts and pink and whatever. (and i have lost some kindness but i was a girl too and you were just like me and i was just like you..) and. hm. you know that thing transmascs sometimes say about looking at transwomen and being like "i forgot that womanhood could be enjoyed i forgot that it isnt the burden to everyone that it was to me"? well obviously i dont agree with that. but as far as feminity rather than womanhood i think thats a fair parallel for how i feel about gerard way. there are things i have run from that i see him enjoy and it makes me see them a different way. and it makes me see that it doesn't have to be a prison and by god i do not have to move myself from one cage to another. i'll never be an aesthetically feminine person it's just not who i am or what i enjoy.. and dresses and skirts are superficial things.. but him doing his silly little twirls in his silly little cheerleader dress is a very visual representation of something more. its very symbolic 2 me. and i'll also never be exceptionally feminine in my behaviours or personality either and that's not a bad thing its who i am and im proud of who i am. sometimes anyway. but. there are traits i could do with letting in. that have been hard for me to let in. he/she (that is gerard/cheerard fjdksk gerard is a he hes a real human man but cheerard is a symbol a concept a character and she's a she to me. sorry i dont make the rules my brain does) is a representation of all of this 2 me.

all of this 2 say gender is fake and u can do what u want and u just have to be yourself and be what u want 2 be and be what makes u happy and what brings love and joy. and u dont have to sit in a hole about it u dont have 2 write emily or drugstore perfume u dont have to wish u could bring her back from the dead or whatever. sometimes u just gotta wear a silly little cheerleader dress and go have fun. metaphor but also very real 2 me i WILL be buying a custom made cheerard dress and it will probably b the only dress i'll ever wear in my adult life fjfkkdj

[project1939]

200 Films of 1952

Film number 175: The Merry Widow

Release date: September 5th, 1952 

Studio: MGM 

Genre: musical 

Director: Curtis Bernhardt 

Producer: Joe Pasternak 

Actors: Lana Turner, Fernando Lamas, Una Merkel, Richard Haydn

Plot Summary: The fictional European country of Marshovia will soon go bankrupt, but a miraculous chance to save it presents itself in a rich American widow of a former Monrovian. If the King can lure her to the country, and his nephew Danilo can woo her into marrying him, her $80 million dollar estate will be theirs. 

My Rating (out of five stars): ***¼  

I liked this one more than I expected to. It’s a remake of the classic 1934 Ernst Lubitsch version with Jeanette MacDonald and Maurice Chevalier, but it doesn’t reach that standard. For what it is, though, it's a decent watch- it’s a competent colorful MGM musical with a bubbly little plot. Fernando Lamas was the big highlight for me- his beauty and charisma alone could carry a film. (some spoilers)

The Good: 

Fernando Lamas. Oh. My. God. He is gorgeous! I felt melty every time I looked at him. He was a fine actor and he had a lovely voice as well. He later married my huge crush Esther Williams, and I think I would die if I saw them together. I’d double swoon, not knowing who to look at! They even made a movie together called Dangerous When Wet, which might be too dangerous for me to watch. 

Lana Turner was pretty good acting wise. I think her acting definitely got better as she got older. She looked amazing in some of those costumes, too. 

Turner’s vocal dub was shockingly good. She’s not a singer, but they actually found a dubber who sounded reasonably like her. They didn’t just shove Marni Nixon in there! 

The costumes! They were absolutely stunning. They were gloriously colorful and very flattering. Lamas looked scrumptious in his regal wear, and some of the stuff they put Turner in wowed me as well. I can’t vouch for how authentic they were to the year 1900, though.

The MGM Technicolor looked as beautiful as ever. There’s just something about the way MGM utilized it that tops any other studio. 

Una Merkel and Richard Haydn were both very effective in their supporting roles. Merkel went on to be a standout in 1961’s The Parent Trap as Verbena, and Haydn was just as memorable as Max in The Sound of Music. 

The plot was just good silly fun. 

The Bad: 

The casting of Turner, who is not a singer. I liked Turner in this, but it would have been so much better if they had cast an actual singer in the role. Jeanette freakin’ MacDonald played the role in the 1934 version for god’s sake! 

I wish there had been more music in it. I’m sure some of it was because Turner wasn’t a singer, but it kept wishing for more songs.

The ending was predictable from nearly the beginning. 

It was missing some of the creative spark of better MGM fare. Pasternak films did tend to be more rote than Freed’s, though. 

The musical numbers were also not filmed especially creatively. 

The overly disgusted reaction of Danilo when he thought he had to woo the older Una Merkel was gross. Yes, she was middle aged, but treating her like she was inhumanly ugly was insulting to Markel, but also to women in general. It was very dehumanizing. 

More disgusting East Asian stereotypes. There was a brief scene at the American Chinese embassy as they celebrated the New Year. The less said the better. I just wrote “NO!” in my notes. 

Accents! Why does the King of Marshovia have a totally different accent than his nephew? And a local Baron? And the Ambassador? It seemed like every person in the country spoke in a different way.

The Interesting??: 

Get a load of this quote by a French policeman when Danilo came to the station looking for a woman. When asked to describe her, Danilo can’t give any helpful information until he mentions she’s an American. “So she has long legs?” the policeman asks. “All American women have long legs. From the waist down, an American woman is incomparable. From the waist up, the advantage is with all French women!” 

 I. Can’t. Even. 

[unknwnxquantity]

I love when the Hispanic ladies at my one job be like “Buenos Dias chica!” Like yes!! I am a chica!! Or a “hi mami/mama”. And I’ll be like Buenos diassss como Estas and they’re like bien y tu and I’m like bien gracias! I used to only say “good morning” but I told them I wanna learn Spanish! I’m trying more now than I did before. But I don’t wanna look silly so sometimes I’ll revert to “good morning” but I try to make the effort to say something in Spanish. I want to be connected more to my roots goddamn it! They’re so cute tho. They’re very clique-ish (there’s some that are grumpy and mean so I don’t say anything to them. I’ve tried!! They’re just standoffish), and they all love to eat together whenever they can, they hug and kiss each other on the cheek sometimes when they greet each other. They hold the other persons arm or have them close to them almost lovingly sometimes too when they’re greeting. It’s cute to witness. There’s this one Hispanic woman at the one job in particular who I’d used google translate with to talk to since we worked in the same area together, as she’s learning English and I’m trying to learn how to say Spanish phrases and understand. She really appreciated that I’d talk with her and try to include her in conversations. We all do, but the other yt ppl just only speak English at her, try to show they’re joking to include her, while I tried more to get to know her and ask questions about her life. She felt safe with me. She came from Educador? Honduras? Fuck I’m sorry😭 six months back. Her dad passed when they got to the US. So she’s been on her own. I remember her first day, we didn’t know where to put her, and one of the Hispanic lady’s was being a jerk (the jerk in question actually looks like my grandma in the face a little, it’s weird… she was standoffish with me too but now she’s warmed up to me) and translating to her we didn’t want her with us on the truck. She started crying :(( we all felt bad. The other coordinator who’s older than me started crying too bc she felt bad for making Maria feel bad. But she knows now we love her in the back and she’s amazing to work with. She would tell me every now and then when we’d have our google translate convos, that I have a beautiful heart and soul. I’d tell her I think the same of her and I’m glad I met her. Now she works later shifts bc of her other jobs she had to pick up, so I haven’t seen her in a couple weeks :(( miss her. At first most of the Hispanic ladies were cold toward me when I first started working. A lot of people were cold actually and most are middle aged it’s kinda weird. I guess it’s just the times we live in now. But also they were probably like “what is that thing, what do we call it😭😭 she’s a girl, but she’s strong like a guy” since I work in the back and carry stuff. I carry myself more masculine. People never know if I’m a guy or a girl sometimes, it’s pretty funny. Adds to the mystery. I’m androgynous looking and I like it that way, but at the end of the day, I am just a little girl in this big scary world.

I get called bro boss man sir brother… you name it I’ve been called it. Especially when I worked in the city. At times I just sigh and walk away, or say nothing. It messed with my mental health for a while. Even tho I wanted to be a guy when I was younger, and now that I am comfortable being a girl, but bc I look like this masculine woman, I’ll always get confused ppl here and there. I hate going into public bathrooms especially when I’m alone. But then I just walk a little more feminine 🤣 Especially when I have a mask on. I’ll just take it off. Omg a few weeks ago a Hispanic security guard man unironically called me papi at the dmv (I didn’t have a mask on). That was a canon event for me😭😭 I was like …. So I look like a papi huh 👁️🫦👁️

[ylotheaussie]

How I first came to be a dog person without ever owning a dog

I've always loved dogs. As long as I remember. But my family, although we lived in a house with a garden and in perfect location to have a dog, was never fond of dogs. Instead we had always had just that one cat. And however many times I raised this topic, I got the classic it's a big responsibility and daily effort etc. I am grateful for my parents though that they didn't let me have a dog. After all, it is a big responsibility and effort, I didn't realize that in the very beginning. And it led me to become creative and bold to still be able to spend my time with dogs.

How I walked random dogs from the next block for some years

At some point, me and my sister and our friends from the block started seeing this middle-aged woman with her 2 dogs. One was older, the other one young and a bit crazy due her age. The lady sometimes walked with the dogs past our house, so me and my friends sometimes stayed outside and waited for the dogs to come with the lady. We got to pat them, sometimes even hold the leash for a little while, but we couldn't go outside of our agreed territory, because #rules.

They looked something like a Hovawart and the Estrella Mountain dog, but were in fact mixed breed. We later found out the Hovawart (called Silli) was a stray, adopted by the lady when she gave birth to pups in an abandoned building and she found new owners to all, leaving the mother to herself because noone wanted that dog. She also kept one puppy called Väntu.

As time went by, we were allowed to join in on the walks with the lady. We found out where she lived, it was a small apartment building with joint garden with the neighbours, so dogs couldn't be free-roaming at all times. Eventually started to hang out there some more, and later also were allowed to walk the dogs alone. Väntu at some point also gave birth to an unexpected litter, as the lady couldn't afford them to be neutralized all at once, and it was at that time there was a lot of stray dogs still on the streets (around 2006-2009 in EE), so even though she had them in her garden, chained or in outside crates, with high fences, some males still made it in just in time to create new life. From Väntu's litter, the lady kept one male dog called Johnny. The rest of the dogs she managed to find new homes. Eventually all dogs got neutralized.

When my sister and our friends kind of grew out of it, I kept going alone. For a couple of years I went there on Saturday and Sunday mornings to walk the dogs. Sometimes the lady went to the countryside to visit family, so I went in and took the dogs on a walk (3 huge dogs, alone!😅😅) 2x a day and kept them fed and watered. I taught them some tricks intuitively, and formed good bonds. I was really enjoying it. Now when I think back to it, I was one crazy little girl, bold enough to walk three dogs alone on the streets, but I don't really remember any accidents or bad raps coming out of it. I just have fond memories of the dogs always being so happy to see me and us enjoying our walks together.

At some point I paid less visits as things with school and other hobbies got more serious. But then, I found my way back to dogs when I started volunteering in a local animal shelter. But that story, I'll keep it in our next post.

[skyrim-forever]

oooo for the Asks to Spread The Love: 2, 15, 16, and 18!! ~throughtrialbyfire

Thank you friend!

2. Tell us why you love one of your OCs or an obscure canon character (link to any fics/art you have featuring them!)

I'm gonna talk about my Breton Mage turned Telvanni Wizard Rochelle <3 The thing I enjoy most about her, and especially when I was first developing her character, is that she is a little weirdo and an outsider in her family. First of all, she has two living parents and two siblings; I tend to make my ocs without families and I'm trying to add more variety into the types of characters I make. But she's also this weird lady, she ends up finding peace and acceptance on Solstheim of all places, particularly working with Neloth. She's my funky weird lady and I think more woman should be allowed to be weird. She's not particularly pretty, she's bad with social cues and that's okay! A lot of her personality is based off of a younger me. I'm gonna plug my fic A Solstheim RomCom because I had a lot of fun writing it (I wrote it in 1 day!) and it's basically Rochelle and Neloth pretending to be married to full her older sister. It's silly and that's all it needs to be, it brought me joy :)

15. A topic you never get tired of discussing

Religion, I think religion as a framework is so cool. I wasn't raised religious at all and have gravitated towards the occult, but I am deeply interested in a variety of religious topics, but mostly female saints, mysticism in Europe during the Middle Ages and texts like Paradise Lost and the Divine Comedy. The dance between what is religion and what is occult is very fascinating, which is probably why I enjoy religion in Skyrim so much because there's so many different aspects that provide so many ideas for world building.

16. One of your favourite tropes 

I'm a big fan of character parallels, whether it be between hero and mentor, hero and villain or simply two characters on opposite sides, such as Achilles and Hector .

I also love romance tropes especially fake marriage. I think I prefer fake marriage to fake dating because the stakes are higher, and with the formalities of marriage you can have a lot of fun <3

18. Something you initially did not like but came around to

Elenwen, at first I didn't pay much attention to her but I saw fanart and started thinking more about her and now I'm Elenwen's number 1 simp <3 Hence, Elenwen/Rikke was born <3

[akireu-13]

i really like this video on the b4rbie movie. i did like the movie, to clarify. i thought it was fun, i thought some of the feminist stuff was really good. spoilers ahead obv, but i really enjoyed the section where she has a breakdown and talks about all the contradictory stuff women are supposed to be. i liked the section where shes talking to ruth about wanting to be human and to be a woman despite it all. i liked that part of the message was that a lot of men need to fuckin get hobbies instead of their personality being Woman-Liker. i LOVED the songs being camp and mostly actually made for and about the film instead of using generic pop songs (tho the billie eilish song was jarring and took me out of it).

However. i did think it was pretty,,, superficial. some of that was because its a corporate product and there wouldve been restrictions on what gerwig could do. like she cant criticize the mattel board too much, because it would "make the company look bad." like mattel refused to call the movie feminist, and i think theres an aversion to calling the movie anything too concretely subversive, maybe because that turns the "ive been saying this for years!!" aspect into not relatability, but being behind the times, or worse, performative. which it is.

BUT i also think it really played into the Girlboss feminist schtick. like that in the end they went back to a matriarchy. i dont think the film was saying matriarchy bad, and im not even trying to say that it would be equally as bad as patriarchy bc i dont know nor do i care. but i do think it had that vibe of "men are stupid, right ladies?!? we know best with our woman power ;)" which feels a little weird tbh. even the little comments like implying that a president would NEVER dress like that or a woman would have to be BRAINWASHED to want to be a housewife is uncomfortable to say the least. the final gynocology joke at the end felt really reductive even with a trans woman in the movie. it felt weird for her to go to the queer-coded b4rbies to get help and then they stop mattering when they arent helping cishet b4rbie society. and no butch b4rbies, obviously.

it felt like they were going "see? woman power!! but dont forget to be respectable!!" despite halfway through talking about how hard it is to be respected as a woman. and this is most egregious when they have sasha going on an honestly reasonable and well-founded rant about the negative social impact of b4rbie which is then not really brought up in a meaningful way again. shes played for laughs and its only addressed as a "we hear your criticisms but theyre very silly bc barbie stands for woman power so there. 😊" like she calls b4rbie a fascist and thats a whole joke, which is really fucking weird tbqh.

but my point is that its ok to be critical of the way women are treated and what is expected of women, and its ok to be weird or ugly or whatever!! up until the point it makes you ACTUALLY ugly or tooOo much of a deviant (like dressing in revealing clothing as a professional, or criticising consumerism which is just a silly thing to do because why would you EVER-), in which case you just hate women and make the cause look bad.

anyway, i thought the movie was fun. it looked great, the soundtrack was fun, the casting choices were pretty good, and i liked the real talk about how hard being a woman can be. at the same time, it was a very long ad for b4rbie. it was corporate, and mostly sold a very girlboss, shallow look at feminism. a good entry point for like, men who think women arent oppressed but love their girlfriend enough to TRY to understand, or for middle aged women looking to hear something nice about their existence, or people looking for a fun summer movie with a few funny bits. not a great movie for film nerds or riotgrrls or trans people or anti-capitalists.

[plus-size-reader]

Curfew

Randy Meeks x Plus size!reader

Word Count: 3065 words

Warnings: none

Summary: The reader struggling when the curfew is put into place, but Randy has an idea that could make it a little better.

—————————————————————————————————

You were bored.

Woodsboro wasn’t a super happening place to begin with but now that the curfew was in place, it was even worse.

There was nothing to do, and with the additional stress that these recent murders had put on everyone, you were about to blow. The boys could see it, Tatum and Sidney could see it, and most important, Randy could see it.

It was only a matter of time before you absolutely lost it.

Your parents were taking this whole thing extra hard and basically had you on complete lockdown outside of attending school. They couldn’t imagine going through what Casey and Steve’s parents were going through right now, and they were scared.

Which was fair enough.

Everyone was scared right now, but you didn’t understand how putting you under house arrest was going to keep you any safer than you would be anywhere else. Casey was killed at home, after all?

If anything, you would be much safer in a group setting than you would be locked up in your house alone. Still, your parents had made themselves very clear where this topic was concerned. You were absolutely forbidden from attending Stu’s party, or any other party until the curfew was lifted.

It just made everything that much worse.

Parties, especially Stu’s parties, were one of the only things you were looking forward to as of late. Knowing that you couldn’t go to them was really starting to wear on you, and you were understandably let down by the whole thing.

...but it wasn’t just that.

Getting together with a big group of people, your age and ready to party, was an escape for you. With so much uncertainty going on and everything falling apart at the seams, you needed that normalcy to feel human again.

Not that you could really complain about that to anyone who could actually do something about it.

You knew that there was a very real danger out there and the only way to really be safe would be to stay inside your home where no one could get you but you just felt like your folks were taking it a little too seriously.

If everyone else was going to be out anyway, what different was it going to make, really? If anything, it made you a bigger target because you were one of the only people stuck in your house while everybody else was together.

To you, the logic was sound but to them, it was little more than a pathetic excuse to get out of the town’s mandated curfew.  

Which it kind of was, but you couldn’t help but feel like they were being unreasonable. You were a smart, responsible young woman and you weren’t going to take any stupid, unnecessary risks. You just wanted to maintain some level of normal life.

You were tired of being stuck at home like a rat in a cage, never allowed to go out and do anything. It was a stark contrast to how you normally were, with a thriving social life and active party presence.

It was almost as if you were dead too, not to be dramatic.

This was just hard on you, and they weren’t making it any easier. You had to rely on your friends, now more than ever, and they were basically cutting off any contact you had with them to lunch at school and quick phone conversations.

No one would have just taken that and been happy with it. Certainly not within your tight knit group of friends.

You sighed, fiddling with your pen as you tried to remember all the things you needed to get done when you got home. You knew well enough to know that if you didn’t write it down now, you would never remember it all.

With everything else on your mind, school seemed like the least of your worries.

You were so enthralled, in fact, tapping your pen away on the table that you didn’t even notice at first when Randy came up and sat down beside you, taking note of how unhappy you were about everything going on right now.

He couldn’t blame you.

The male at your side was perfectly aware of how excited you had been for the parties the recent nice weather was bound to bring, and equally as aware of how bummed you were that your parents had put a kibosh on the latest shindig before it even had a chance to begin.

“You okay?” he hummed, startling you just a bit when you looked up to see him already sitting at your side, but the racing in your chest calmed down just as quick. No one really knew who was responsible for all these terrible murders but you knew in your heart it wasn’t Randy.

You had known him all your life and even if he was a little strange, he was the sweetest guy in Woodsboro. He wasn’t some natural born killer or a sociopath on a killing spree.

“Honestly, if I have to think about this anymore, my brain might explode” you allowed, leaning slightly into his side to take some of the pressure off your aching, tight muscles as you kept focus on your schedule.

All this stress had to be bad for your body.

Tatum seemed to think so, at least, warning you that if you didn’t learn to decompress somehow you were going to go prematurely grey and get crows feet under your eyes. While you weren’t sure how much you trusted her endless cosmo knowledge, you certainly didn’t feel the greatest.

This was all just a lot for one person to juggle.

Randy could see that much.

He had been watching you all day, moping around that you wouldn’t be allowed to go to Stu’s party and worrying about a huge midterm you had to take for your english class that would physically make or break your grade.

You were spreading yourself way too thin. Luckily, he had an idea of just how he could help you feel a little bit better without breaking your parents' rules.

He just wasn’t so sure you’d go for it once you found out just what he had in mind.

“I was thinking, maybe you’d wanna come over to my place later? I have tonight off so we could watch a movie or something?” he offered, trying not to come across as painfully awkward as he felt. Randy was your friend, and usually could talk to you no problem but what he was proposing was different.

The two of you had never really hung out, just the two of you, before.

You nodded, not even looking up from your notebook as you scribbled something down in black ink, likely a reminder to do your calculus homework based on the way your brow knit together as you formed the letters.

You were preoccupied, too in your head to really consider what was going on but he certainly wasn’t.

Randy was aware of every little movement you made, from the way your nose scrunched up as you concentrated on making sure all the due dates and assignments were right on your calendar to the way your shoulder rested gently against his side.

“Who else did you invite? You know Tatum always complains about the movies you pick” you reminded, thinking over all the times the six of you had tried to watch movies together in the past. She got bored of psychological thrillers and grossed out at the gorey slashers.

She was much more of a Meg Ryan fan herself, constantly pulling for the cheesy romance flicks that made you want to ralph. You couldn’t put it past her to make Randy grab a couple of sappy videos too, just in case.

If she was going to be involved in movie night, you were sure you’d have to shoot down a few of those crappy comedies before you could watch anything worthwhile.

Randy sighed lightly, doing his best to keep you from noticing as he thought about what his next move was. Clearly, you’d missed the point of what he was asking entirely, not that he could blame you.

He had never really been good at asking out pretty girls, especially not ones he;d known since he was in elementary school, so this was new for him as well. He just sort of hoped that you would catch his drift early so he wouldn’t have to clarify out loud.

The last thing he wanted to do was put you on the spot and make you uncomfortable.

“Oh, I was actually hoping it could just be the two of us. I know it's no Stu Macher party but it could be fun” he shrugged, this time almost wishing a giant hole would open up from under him so that he didn’t have to have this conversation.

He wanted you to say yes, of course, more than anything but he just wasn’t sure if it was going to happen and if it wasn’t, he wanted to know early on.

At least then he could have some dignity in this whole thing.

You stopped writing for a second, letting the meaning of his words sink in as you sat there, your left leg bouncing up and down to try and keep up with the racing of your thoughts. It had been going nonstop since you sat down, but now, it was just resting against his.

Was Randy hitting on you?

Randy Meeks, your childhood best friend who had never once made a move on you aside from calling you pretty in your winter formal dress in middle school?

It didn't seem likely, but it was also hard to misinterpret his words. That was about as cut and dry as a date invite could be, and if it had been coming from anyone else, Tatum and Sid would have surely confirmed it for you if you asked.

Not that you could ask either of them right now.

“You wanna watch a movie tonight? Just you and me, at your house?” you clarified, setting your notebook down beside you without a second thought in favor of looking him in the eye.

He was uncertain for a second, trying to read any cues of how you were feeling about that from your own expression but found nothing there, so he nodded.

“Like a date?” you hummed, the words barely leaving your lips as you spoke them, feeling silly at having to clarify at all but you couldn’t help it. If he wasn’t meaning it in that way and you took it like that, you risked making an even bigger ass of yourself.

...but if he did, you needed to know that too.

There was a light blush on his freckled face as he considered his options before he nodded again, giving you all the information you needed. Randy was definitely hitting on you, now all you had to do was decide if you wanted to.

A movie could be fun.

You and Randy had watched a hundred movies together before, with you sometimes staying after hours at the video store while he closed to just see the ending of Frankenstein's bride that you loved so much.

Usually, there were more people there, Tatum and Stu at the very least, with Billy and Sid joining in when they saw fit, but it couldn’t be so different to just be the two of you.

You loved spending time with him, so doing so under the context of it being a date couldn’t possibly change that up so much. This was just Randy after all, it wasn’t like he was some guy you’d only just met or some creep Tatum thought it was okay to set you up with.

...and you were sure that your parents would agree to it.

Spending a few hours at Randy’s house was vastly different than going to some house party and out of all your friends, you knew that they trusted him the most. If he said you were there, they would believe him which would cut down on the third degree.

There really were no downsides.

Besides, if you were going to go out with any of your friends, it would be him, even if Billy or Stu did happen to be single. You and Randy just had a lot more in common and you knew that he would never put you in any danger.

You trusted him, and you liked him.

If he liked you too, it only made sense that you had a movie night together, just the two of you.

~

Getting your parents to agree to letting you spend a few hours at Randy’s house wasn’t as easy a sell as you thought it would be but by the time he came to pick you up, he managed to convince them that it would all be fine.

He wasn’t going to let anything happen to you, and in all honesty, they believed it.

Randy had never given them any reason not to trust him and at the end of the day, they came to the conclusion that you did have a little bit of a point. Knowing that you were somewhere with someone else made them feel a little bit better than if you were home alone.

It brought some amount of comfort to know that Randy would be there with you. Besides, your mother was just so thrilled that he’d finally asked you out on a date that you were sure she would have agreed to anything.

That was how you got here in the first place, walking down the familiar aisles of the video store with Randy as you searched for something to watch. Between the two of you, you had basically seen all the good horror films that they had available.

Not that knowing that was stopping either of you from picking up title after title, looking them over incredulously as you searched for the perfect thing.

Initially, Randy was just going to pick something up on the way to get you but decided that this would probably be more up your alley first. The video store was only open for a short time today due to the curfew but that was more than enough time for him to find exactly what he wanted.

After all, there wasn’t a title in the store that Randy didn’t know by heart. In fact, he had likely put them each right where they were, in each of their respective spots on the shelf. That was literally all he did all day when he did work.

“What about this one?” you suggested, holding up a pretty well loved copy of night of the living dead happily for his approval. It was a classic, one that you had each seen a dozen times, but because of that, it was quick to go into the basket.

Then, after scanning the few horror aisles one more time, Randy settled on what he always settled on and plucked a copy of Prom Night off the shelf.

At this point, you were sure he’d rented that specific video nineteen times by now but didn’t bother to point that out. You knew that it was one of his favorite movies of all time and if that was what he wanted to watch tonight, you weren’t going to argue.

All you really wanted to do was spend the night relaxing with your best friend, on what was technically also your first date. It was a little bit of pressure, more so than you were used to, but nothing that you couldn’t handle.

At the end of the day, you loved Randy and this was just something else you could do together.

“Alright, are you ready to go? I’ve got plenty of good snacks at the house for us to munch on too” he promised, fully aware of just how you liked your movie nights to go down. That was something else the two of you had in common.

You were very particular about your movies, especially horror movies.

It was something he could appreciate, along with your sense of humor and heart of gold. All in all, when Randy actually stopped to think about it, he wasn’t sure why he’d waited so long to ask you to do this in the first place.

This was going to be awesome.

~

Randy’s house was nice, of course, well put together every single time you had been there but you couldn't really focus too much on that.

Instead, you occupied yourself putting the tapes into the player while Randy made popcorn in the kitchen. It was kind of strange for a few moments, as you sat waiting for him to get back, looking around the living room under such new circumstances.

You have been here a hundred times before.

You had sat in this exact spot plenty of times but tonight, it was so different. You had only ever been here before as a friend, normally with all your other friends there to keep you company even when someone had to leave the room but not anymore.

Right now, you were waiting here as a girl on a date, a date with a guy you’d known your entire life.

It was just so strange how quickly everything had changed. Just this morning, you and Randy were little more than friends, and now, you couldn’t quite be sure what you were. Not that you had too much time to consider that before he was back.

“I bring gifts,” Randy grinned, plopping down beside you on the couch, swamping the coffee table with bags of chips and assorted boxes of candy before handing you the big bowl of popcorn. Clearly when he promised snacks, he wasn’t kidding.

You watched him do a onceover of the spread he’d provided before he ultimately decided that it was going to be fine.

“Perfect, just what we needed” you smiled, relaxing even further into the couch next to him, getting ready to start whatever it was that was going on between the two of you. It was new, uncharted territory for the both of you but it wasn’t looking too bad.

A copy of Prom Night and some popcorn with Randy was perhaps the only thing that could make this whole curfew thing worthwhile.

[spectrum-color]

So ordinarily these comparisons annoy me, both because they’re very different series and because the writer often ends up talking about how much less silly and more “realistic” Thrones is (mostly based on a combination of the ridiculous caricature of the Middle Ages that is prevalent in our culture and disdain for fantasy as a genre and all things fantastical as a device,) but this actually treats the show with respect and makes many points I agree with.

1. In GoT, sexualized violence against women is often used to advance men’s arcs (and this is not just the show; fan favorite Tyrion’s whole main pain backstory about participating in the gang rape of his first love that his father organized is book exclusive) or to give the woman some sort of obstacle (because Sansa can’t prove that she’s strong unless she’s brutally raped and tortured for months, ultimately being rescued by Theon of course as part of his redemption arc.) It’s also just sometimes there for titillation, ie Daenerys and Drogo. Wheel of Time the show has so far avoided this, and rape was only obliquely mentioned in the books (even then sparingly, and the only time I thought it was in bad taste is when the myrdraals were involved.)

2. Even when they aren’t being raped or harassed, women are highly sexualized in aSoIaF. Daenerys in particular comes off as a fetish object for GRRM, who gives random scenes of her figuring out masturbation or having sex with her servants for no discernible reason. In the books, Tyrion (who is once again a fan favorite) agrees to marry Sansa, an unwilling 14 year old, because at least she’s got. Entire scenes discussing the world and current affairs take place in the context of naked women in the brothel servicing the person giving the exposition. Women in WoT have complex inner lives, agency, a wide range of morality from evil to heroic, and aren’t primarily there to be sexual objects for audience consumption. They have power in society too and aren’t just possessions or props, which you could argue is UnReAlIsTiC, but it’s not the real world so it doesn’t need to be.

3. GRRM is kind of addicted to shock value imo. I’m sure there are many arguments about why he heavily featured incest in his story, or eye catching gore centerpiece scenes like Oberyn Martell having his skull crushed, but I really do think a lot of it is aiming at being edgy. I can understand the impulse because this was written before the rise of grimdark made all of that pretty mundane, but it’s never really clicked with me. I don’t need my universe to be “dark” to have fun with it (I read a lot of horror and love dark content, but usually with a more gothic vibe if that makes sense.)

4. Probably the biggest is that GoT (show in particular) always felt ashamed that it was fantasy, while no iteration of Wheel of Time carrie that vibe. This is true especially in later seasons where it ran far away from the books more fantastical elements with the aim of making it basically a gritty prestige drama with softcore porn on the side, but the books also went with more of a low fantasy/most people don’t believe in magic, pretty much no one knows how to actively use it/it plays a limited role in the story, vs WoT which goes all in to the point where several main characters are essentially sorcerers and magic is at the core of both the world and the plot. This is purely a stylistic choice, but I personally prefer my fantasy heavy on the fantasy elements so give me an official society of sorceresses who are heavily involved in world affairs any day

[hes-writer]

drivers’ license

Summary: harry teaches y/n how to drive

Warnings: angst, a little bit of fluff

Word Count: 1805 words

A/N: the ‘blonde girl’ has no face claim.

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MASTERLIST

_____

There were many milestones that Y/N strived to remember; things that she wanted to embed in her memory because each fleeting moment was a few seconds away from being lost.  She was afraid that in a blink of an eye; everything would disappear, that she wouldn’t even remember what had been forgotten.

But she would never forget him. Harry. The best friend who taught her how to drive with the utmost patience, calm correction of her mistakes and gentle voice to ease her worry as soon as the shift went from ‘P’ to ‘D’.  He was there with precise instruction, detailing each rule and advice that would help her acquire her drivers’ license.  He was tolerant of her constant ability to doubt herself, always assuring Y/N that she could do it.

It was silly why Y/N was scared of driving.  It was because it felt so grown up, so adult-like and it bought a sense of responsibility.  It meant fully committing to adulthood.  There was a shift that everything was changing.  And by that, she meant everything.

.

.

.

It seemed like a distant memory now.

Y/N took the leap of faith to start learning how to drive, trusting him to teach her the ways. Harry was her light in a dark day.  His smile was bright enough for her to admit that through the haze of her nervousness; it wasn’t just caused by her fear of handling and operating a vehicle.

It also had to do with the way Y/N’s stomach fluttered with butterflies when she had parked in an empty lot, Harry sitting on the passenger’s seat as they talked to each other about anything and everything their minds could conjure up at that very moment. No filter.

How Harry enthusiastically shared his excitement about Y/N’s newfound ability to drive to and fro from her apartment to his place.  They would be able to go on drives on the coast with nostalgic songs blasting on the radio, screaming the lyrics at the top of their lungs where no one would hear them.  The wind sifting through his hair to which she commented on maybe getting it snipped; it was why Harry opted to not trust Y/N with scissors anymore after a close-call with the sharp tool.  She didn’t know why he had decided to trust her with it in the first place--she was a clumsy one.

Yet Harry continued to spend each and every second of his free time with her, even when he was booked to the hilt with mandatory meetings and unplanned fan encounters, Y/N stood by his side as an unofficial photographer.  The dopey grin on her face must’ve been permanent every time that she was around him.  Sometimes she looked through the screen of the phone and wondered just how much she would break if Harry wasn’t around in her life and all she had to remember him by was the captured portrait of his kind aura leaking through the device; almost as if he was there right beside her because Y/N seemed to label her best memories with him around.

Harry was it for her.  Even if her feelings were not mutual, Y/N would take being his closest friend over being a stranger because at least she was near him.  Luckily, Harry returned her affection.  Though, it was humiliating to vouch for a relationship that would have to go through troughs and trenches in order to be rendered successful.  It seemed impossible with her stoic life compared to his fast-paced, always moving, always travelling situation.

Y/N was willing to work for it.  If she were to make a list of things she wanted most, it would be the unconditional love from the one that meant the most to her.  Harry was exactly what she wanted--what she needed.  Y/N didn’t know what she did in her past life or even now that caused the universe to gift her with a presence as charming and graceful as his but she would do it every day if it meant coming home to his warm embrace.

But Harry wasn’t so keen on commitment.  There was no denying that his thorough discourse of relationships hindered his ability to fully trust any future partners and Y/N understood that.  The distance gets to peoples’ heads, even his, admittedly.  Loneliness seeps through his fingers, directing his body to strangely familiar bodies. Ones whom he was not currently committed to. Wandering hands.

Despite that, Y/N knew that Harry was a good person.  Some may call her a fool for giving him a chance but he truly was a genuine guy.  She had seen it when he was coddled up, blankets bunched all the way to his chin, only showcasing his angelic face.  The crease of his brows free from any worries.  He was simply him.  She had seen him when he was the most vulnerable.

Harry was a romantic person.  He loved to love.  He adored the concept of having someone behind him, beside him and in front of him at all times to catch him when he fell, to support him in any new journeys and to lead him when he was lost.  Y/N could understand his shortcomings, aiming to better the other person instead of putting them down.  She wanted a dialogic approach instead of having a conversation where all she pointed out was his bad qualities.

What she couldn’t comprehend was how easily he had lied to her.

She wasn’t asking for much; Y/N promised to wait for him until he was ready. Until his previous baggage was deemed easy enough to carry, or at least when Harry was able to talk about it without anointing skepticism to his actions.  Though, Harry had blatantly disregarded her purity to be patient towards him.  Basically, he had told her that he was not ready for a relationship yet here he was now, holding hands with another girl.  The blonde woman had caused insecurities to sprout from deep within her since Harry kept citing her age and maturity, adding that she was ‘different’ from the rest as if he hadn’t mentioned it previously.

.

.

.

Y/N would ask herself from time to time; when a tree falls in a forest, does it make a sound?

She compared it to the times’ Harry’s voice cracked in the middle of singing songs that embedded itself in her memory and the way his ears tinted a blush pink even under the night sky after Y/N quickly gave a glance in his direction.  She reminisced about the times when he would explain any ideas he had about new songs, thoroughly immersing not only himself but her as well, in his art.  He would sometimes stop midway as if lost in thought when really he was just mesmerized by the slope of her nose and the pucker of her lips.

He was so passionate.  So indulged and fervent in making sure everything he did was one-hundred percent, authentically him.  Harry spoke with grit when he was overly zealous and he tended with a soft voice when he felt vulnerable.

It was glaringly loud; Y/N could hear him everywhere she went.  But now that he was gone—out of reach—did those conversations ever really happen?  Was she even present when Harry shyly played a song he had been working on for her, singing stripped with just his raspy voice, serenading her with a tune describing how much gratitude he felt that she was present in his life.  He appreciated her so much for accepting him even when the world criticized his every action. For being there when he seemingly felt lonely.

.

.

.

Life itself was funny to her.

Sometimes Y/N wondered how she could let herself be vulnerable with somebody else other than herself.  It was plastered everywhere—love never lasts.  Relationships come and go, people leave and never return, friends, drift apart and detaching from oneself was even possible.  It was practically the motto of anyone searching for love—looking for a sense of comfort and belonging, yet she was practically crushed by the overwhelming reality that it may never happen.

She hated the way her heart longed for him to be near as if when he was too far away it ached in pain.  Y/N disliked the feeling of being out of place because where she truly belonged was in his arms.  Harry’s nose nuzzled at the top of her head, inhaling her scent as though it was the last time he would hold her—for a while at least.

And it really was because the next day he had left to catch a flight a mere continent away.

____

The night before was special to Y/N. Harry left with a promise of ‘forever’ and that he would return straight to her after his tour ends.  It was a dainty promise but Y/N chose to believe him because it was Harry and he never strayed from his words.

He promised to return and Y/N had sworn to wait for him. They both agreed, after admitting their feelings the night before he left, that a long-distance relationship was not how either of them wanted to begin.  Although their friendship had lasted years prior to finding out the bubbling flame between them, crossing the line as seamlessly as possible was the gateway to a healthy relationship.

Y/N could hardly wait for his return now that she was driving alone to where she needed to be.  Harry was always at the back of her mind no matter how hard she tried to distract herself.  He was attached to the episodic memory of Y/N successfully learning how to drive; that was something she couldn’t really forget.

.

.

.

Y/N unlocked the car doors, breathing deeply as soon as she was situated on the driver’s seat. The beeping of the car ringing in her ears until she was reminded to close the car door shut.

She blinked her lids tightly, feeling salty tears pooling at her waterline.  It was a sad excuse of trying to not start sobbing right then and there but she was successful.

Starting the engine, Y/N sniffled as she adjusted her mirror, making sure that she could see through them before driving off. As she focused her eyes on the road, Harry’s voice repeated in her head.

She didn’t know where she was going. Y /N didn’t really have a destination to arrive to because her brain was filled with images of Harry and her.  Kissing, hugging, looking at each other as if nobody else in the mattered; not even Y/N.

And it hurt a lot because she kept her promise of waiting for him to return but it seemed like he had no trouble filling the hole in his heart, unlike her.

He moved on.

_____

[gladerwolfstarkimagines]

Unlikely friends: Part 2

Azula comes to visit you in the earth kingdom and the two of you spend more time together leading Azula to confess her feelings.

Part one here

Part three here

Azula’s POV

Azula lasted 1 month, 2 weeks and 4 days before she took you up on your offer to escape to the earth kingdom. She and Zuko had gotten into a silly argument and Azula really wanted to get away from the fire nation and him. So she wrote to you and received a reply hours later. You told her to come immediately and listed the address. So Azula was walking through the streets of an earth kingdom village searching for Toph’s school. It was pretty easy, the whole town seemed to be proud to be chosen by Toph Beifong and she passed many people in uniforms or signs boasting this was the proud location of the best earth bending school in the world. Azula knew she’d arrived when she found an 8-foot statue of Toph outside a large building. She supposed Toph herself had made it and had to admire the girl’s confidence. Azula knocked on the door but it fell open. She walked inside and could hear the soft thudding of earth bending somewhere further inside. You had only said to come to the school so Azula didn’t know what to do next. She looked around and found a child around age 10 or so. "You boy tell me where can I find y/n" she called. The boy shrugged "I don’t know". Azula narrowed her eyes "well is she teaching a class? What’s your best guess for her location?". The boy sighed "why should i tell you?". Azula had always hated children and got a strong urge to throttle the boy but she breathed deeply "because i’m a friend of hers and i need to see her". "I’ll take you to her....if you pay me, you look rich". "Five" Azula bargained and the boy shook his head "fifty". "Ten" Azula bargained but the boy shook his head "now it’s sixty". Azula broke and grabbed the boy’s sleeve as she lit her other hand on fire "listen here you little monster....” she started when someone came around the corner. “Sifu Toph this woman is attacking me!” the child cried and Azula paused letting the kid go. “Toph I....”. “Let me guess, you were looking for y/n and Lamo here asked you for money? So you threatened him”. Azula blinked “yes exactly, if you’re upset...” she started when Toph turned to the boy. “Lamo what did I tell you about choosing your opponents wisely? You see a scary fire bender and challenge her? Do you have a death wish?”. The boy stammered “sorry sifu Toph” and bowed deeply. “Enough of that now go train!” Toph barked and Azula admired how the boy ran away as fast as he could. She watched him go before awkwardly turning to your cousin. Azula had hardly spoken to the girl and the few times she had, they’d been trying to kill each other but hopefully that was in the past. “Y/n’s this way” Toph said breaking the silence and Azula just nodded following her. It was an awkward walk but as Toph was your closest family Azula wanted her to like her. “I wasn’t really going to burn him” she clarified “I was just going to scare him a bit”. Toph made a grunt in reply “the lily liver would deserve it, attacking someone from the fire nation, you people are so fickle with your honour. You taught him a good lesson about staying away from fire folk”. “You’re welcome?” Azula offered. Toph shot her a look and Azula realised she shouldn’t have said that. Thankfully they reached you before Toph could reply.

Your POV

You were in the middle of class when you heard the door open and you turned. You stopped midsentence and grinned “Azula!”. You paused realising everyone in the room, including your students were staring and coughed “Azula...if you would please just wait over there i’ll be with you soon”. Azula nodded smiling slightly and you looked away so as to not blush. “Anyway so as I was saying....” you started when Toph stepped forwards “I got this y/n, you go see to your guest”. You grinned “really?”. Toph smiled, she’d seen how your face lit up when you looked at Azula and figured you deserved an evening off. “Sure” Toph nodded and you grinned patting her arm before rushing to Azula. You led Azula outside of the gym and into your private quarters before throwing your arms around her in a hug. "It’s so good to see you but of course sorry circumstances! How are you?". Azula shrugged "i’m okay, me and Zuzu always argue it’s nothing new....thank you for letting me come here on such short notice though. I hope i didn’t cause too much of a disturbance?". "Nah that was the last class of the day so your timing was perfect". Azula blushed as you emphasised the word perfect while staring at her and you smiled. "So i’ll show you where you can put your stuff and then we can go get some food and have a catch-up! I like our letters but it just can’t compare to talking to you in person". Azula smiled pleased you felt that way also "i agree, there’s no replacement for hearing and seeing you". This time you were the one blushing but you smiled brightly and took Azula’s hand "well come on then, let's get started" and led her away.

"It was my fault" Azula sighed recounting the argument to you "i was in a bad mood because of our mother’s visit and so i was snapping at Zuko and then he snapped back". You nodded your head listening with a worried look. "And i know our mother is trying but i...i think i still have some issues with her that i should really address". You nodded your head "would you be able to discuss them with her or do you need more time to heal?". Azula shrugged "maybe, i don’t know....anyway enough about me, tell me all about your new life! How is it being a renown earth bending teacher?". You laughed “i’m not so sure about that, Toph’s the talent, I just handle the basic and beginners but I don’t mind that I’ve never been fond of children, especially as they get older and more annoying”. Azula smiled at you and you frowned “what?”. “Nothing” she smiled looking away “I just knew there was a reason I liked you”. You grinned “because I hate children?”. “Precisely” Azula nodded and you both laughed. "I wish i was around you more" Azula said suddenly and you paused managing not to blush "you do?". She nodded "i feel calmer with you, my temper here feels completely under control but at home...". "Hey the important thing is you're trying to control it" you smiled putting a hand on her arm "you’ll get the hang of it, one day at a time remember?". Azula nodded glancing at your hand on her. You went to move it away noticing when Azula put her hand on top of yours "thanks y/n".

Azula’s POV

“No problem Azula” you smiled and Azula just allowed herself to admire you. You looked so beautiful just sat on the deck of your garden smiling at her...Azula felt her breath stifle. "Why are you staring, is something wrong?" you asked as Azula gazed at you intently but she shook her head "nothing...the opposite actually, you look so beautiful". Azula had no idea where that confidence had come from but she meant what she said, here with you all her insecurities just melted away. She felt good enough, you made her feel good enough.  A blush appeared on your cheeks but you only looked away for a few seconds. “You should see it from my view" you replied and Azula grinned. Azula had made her feelings clear and this was you returning them. She couldn’t be happier but she had to make sure before she moved onto the next step...

Your POV

Azula smiled and leant closer to you “y/n can i kiss you?". "I thought you’d never ask" you smirked and Azula kissed you. She held onto your cheek softly as she tenderly and almost cautiously kissed you. Azula was very gentle and you were pleasantly surprised, you found this timid Azula adorable. You pulled away and the sun made Azula’s face glow but her red cheeks were all her own. "I...i like you, a lot" Azula blushed and you smiled taking her hand "i like you too...a lot". Azula laughed "that’s a relief! It’d be awkward if you didn’t after that”. You laughed “it would be” and stroked the top of her hand “but that’s not the case, I like you with every fibre of my being. I have since our trip” you explained. Azula nodded “I did too I just didn’t realise it, i’m annoyed it took me this long but I mean to make up for the lost time”. “That sounds good” you smiled and Azula’s eyes flicked over you. “In that case....can i kiss you again?". "Yes and you can stop asking now, the answer will always be yes" you told her. "Got it" Azula nodded and you smirked at how adorable she was before leaning in to kiss her again.

The next few days were a blur with Azula. You took her all over your town and just enjoyed being totally and utterly in each others company. It was the perfect weekend for a new couple but Azula was scheduled to leave the next day putting a slight negative atmosphere over the day.

After a walk to a restaurant Azula had taken a liking to you returned to the porch where you first kissed and lounged in the sinking sunlight. “I don’t want you to go” you said softly and Azula nodded draping her arm around you and pressing her face into your hair “me either”. You melted into her more and Azula wrapped her arms around you fully. Azula held you, watching the sunset and marvelled at how perfect her visit had been. Since she was a child she didn’t think such a sweet innocent experience would ever occur to her but she was wrong. She looked down at you against her and an idea came to her.

“Come back to the fire nation with me” Azula said suddenly and you sat up surprised. “Come back...but Azula you know I have to stay here and help Toph”. “I didn’t mean permanently I just meant for the remainder of my mom’s stay? She’s only going to be another 4 days and I meant what i said, i’m better around you and i want to show my mom and Zuko that i’m not who i once was and i think i can with your help...". The tone of Azula’s voice made you sigh and you turned to face her properly "you said that knowing i wouldn’t be able to resist didn’t you?". Azula smiled "i suspected appealing to your selfless kind nature might help". "Stop flattering i’ll come back with you" you rolled your eyes and Azula gasped. "Y/n thank you!" she cried peppering your face and lips with kisses. You pretended to be annoyed but seeing Azula’s genuine happiness at the thought of you coming back with her made you smile.

Azula’s POV

You stayed out on the porch long after the sunset and when you did stumble inside you both jumped to see Toph sat in the room. “Nice night?” she asked. Azula felt her hand in yours and knew even though the girl was blind she could sense things like this. Azula glanced at you but you didn’t seem nervous. “We did thank you, how about you?”. Toph nodded her head “I did, y/n can you please do and tell Raosheng in the village that I will be requiring his help running the school while you are in the fire nation?”. Azula jolted expecting an argument but again you didn’t tense. “I have already sent him a letter but I will go and make sure he knows, be right back” you smiled and walked out the door. Silence settled and Azula stared at Toph in horror. Toph was basically your only family, the person who meant the most to you in the world...if she didn’t get on with her that could wreck the whole relationship. Azula cleared her throat “so you heard our conversation about y/n visiting me?”. Toph nodded her head “I didn’t mean to but I got worried you were trying to poach my best teacher”. “No i’d never try and take her from you, I know how much you both care for one another” Azula rushed to reassure her. Toph made a noise and stood up going to leave the room. “Do you...did you hear anything else?” Azula asked and Toph paused. “I know you’re dating my cousin if that’s what you mean”. Azula went to ask how when Toph laughed “the two of you aren’t subtle, y/n’s always worn her heart on her sleeve but even she was too blissfully happy for it to be because of your presence alone, no offence”. “None taken” Azula shrugged. She supposed Toph must be fine with it and so satisfied her relationship wasn’t in danger went to leave the room when the door closed. “I trust y/n to make good decisions” Toph said suddenly “she a good judge of character and she trusts you so I do too...but if you ever harm or hurt her....you’re powerful but I took you out once and I’ll do it again”. “That was in the eclipse” Azula pointed out before she smiled “but I understand, trust me I have no intentions of ever harming her or letting her get hurt, she’s one of the few people I would never let anything happen to”. Toph nodded “I believe you will honour that promise, you better...” and left the room.

The next day

You and Azula stood waiting for the airship and Azula kept glancing at you often. “I’m not going anywhere, I promised to come with you so I am” you said and she jumped “was I that obvious?”. You smiled “just a little bit” and took her hand discreetly. Azula knew the earth kingdom was worse than the fire nation for judging same-sex relationships and so stood up taller ready to defend you if necessary. “So how was your conversation with Toph?” you asked and her posture slumped. “You knew she was going to give me the protective sibling talk! You left us alone together on purpose”. “Of course!” you grinned “I knew Toph wanted to get her threats out of the way and so i’m sorry but I let her, I figured you of all people could handle it”.  Azula nodded “I managed to convince her I won’t harm you or ever let anyone else hurt you, so yes you were right”. “I figured that when I came back and the school was still standing” you joked. Azula smiled “I wouldn’t attack her she’s your family, but if she attacked me first....well that’s just retaliation”. You laughed and smiled at Azula “thank you for being so perfect this weekend, now it’s my turn to try and do the same in your home”. Azula took your hand “you’ll be perfect I promise”. “Well I guess there’s only one way to find out” you said and nodded to the airship that had appeared in the sky. “Are you ready?” Azula asked as the ship came closer. You nodded and squeezed her hand tighter “next stop the fire nation”.  

____

Next and final part the fire nation!!

[mostlymovieswithmax]

Movies I watched in July

Once again I’m doing my monthly round-up of movies I’ve watched. This was a good month for the cinema getting back on track and seeing new releases including the new M. Night movie, Old and James Gunn’s The Suicide Squad. Pretty sure Marvel put out a new movie also. I’m hoping that this list can help in guiding a decision about what to watch (or what to avoid) and introduce people to movies they may otherwise not have heard of or bothered to see. These short reviews are my own subjective opinions on each individual movie and maybe a more informal approach to movie criticism can help include others who are just passing through. Here is every film I watched from the 1st to the 31st of July.

Bridesmaids (2011) - 4/10

Off to a good start. I won’t say Bridesmaids is a terrible movie but I don’t think I’m exactly the target audience. As far as I know, this is a beloved comedy but I just can’t get on board with all the boring, juvenile humour; with Maya Rudolph shitting in the street, with Rose Byrne and Kristen Wiig trying to one-up each other at a toast that went on forever, with Melissa McCarthy shitting in a sink… the conflict is so done to death and makes the movie feel unspecial. I do understand the appeal of the film, especially for women in that before this movie the likelihood of seeing something like this, where women play up the more crass and gross side of comedy, was probably few and far between. But the story is very tired and while I did appreciate some moments, namely a couple of decent jokes and some of the more intimate scenes, for the most part it felt like they wanted to corner a more quiet type of line delivery in a way that was supposed to be understated but very funny so as to not rely on over the top body language or musical cues, and it ended up being super dull.

Spectre (2015) - 7/10

As far as I can tell, a lot of people don’t like this instalment of the James Bond franchise… but I really enjoyed it! I’ve really taken a shine to these Daniel Craig-era Bond movies and while I can’t say any of them are the most amazing thing, I have a lot of fun with them. The biggest problem I have with Spectre is the villain being utterly pointless and uninteresting in basically every way. The idea of every villain Bond has fought before being tied to this one organisation controlled by this one guy is ridiculous, and what makes it worse is that the villain is barely in it! There’s so much that doesn’t come together in this but as it goes, I still had a really good time. Daniel Craig holds the whole thing together; he is excellent as 007 and the main reason I’m up for each of these movies is because of him. Sam Mendes directs again after the previous instalment and for what it’s worth I do think he does a good job with some of the action set pieces and the locations. I’m so ready for No Time To Die.

Shazam (2019) - 7/10

Shazam is a genuinely fun superhero movie that doesn’t take itself seriously at all. I was having a great time throughout and while it could conform to some of the same tropes we’re used to with these kinds of movies, it still remained playful and used the character of Shazam to his fullest potential in a way that showed an understanding of just how silly the idea of a kid who can turn into an adult and shoot lightning out of his hands is.

High School Musical (2006) - 6/10

So as you may or may not know, I co-host a podcast: The Sunday Movie Marathon. It’s a film podcast and every week I get together with my other co-hosts and watch movies. For episode 38, we watched the High School Musical trilogy. This first movie blew me away. I was really surprised with just how much fun I had, and if you want to hear more of my thoughts on the film, please listen to episode 38 of the podcast.

High School Musical 2 (2007) - 4/10

We then jumped into the second and while it’s certainly not as good as its predecessor, there are still some brilliant songs that manage to top the last movie. Again, more of what I have to say can be heard on episode 38 of the podcast.

High School Musical 3: Senior Year (2008) - 3/10

Senior Year was pretty hard to get through. I don’t remember it being as bad as it was, but then I didn’t really remember it anyway. It did however have one redeeming quality, which you can discover on episode 38 of the podcast.

The Piano Teacher (2001) - 9/10

What the fuuuckkkk. The Piano Teacher is horrendously affecting and I was so upset when it ended, maybe not because it’s not what I wanted but because it’s just so fucking dour and unrelenting. This is the second Haneke movie I’ve seen (after the original Funny Games) and I’m so impressed with how well executed it is. Following a woman who teaches piano, we get a glimpse into the life she lives, how sheltered she is from living with her mother at an age where you’d reasonably expect a person to be living alone or with a partner or friends (even going so far as to be sleeping in the same bed as her), and how repressed she is sexually. It’s clear she’s never experienced any kind of sexual interaction or romantic love with another person, so she goes out of her way to take control and make that happen. The upsetting nature of it comes from just what she does in pursuit of it or as a result of her repression, and what is done to her. It is by no means a movie to recommend to your parents but The Piano Teacher offers so much in terms of the ideas it presents (and I’ll admit there seems to be a lot more going on than I think I picked up on a first go round) about women in modern society, and about the portrayal of sex and expectations of people when it comes to how that is represented in a person’s character depending on their gender. I really enjoyed this movie but it is not for the faint of heart.

Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure (2011) - 1/10

My podcast co-hosts decided it’d be a right laugh to add Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure to this episode and that might have been a fun idea for them because they got to watch it together, but I was just watching it alone. Just a 24-year-old man watching Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure alone and having a miserable time, I might add. But for a short and sweet ramble on what we all thought, please listen to episode 38 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

Dr. No (1962) - 6/10

A lot of very iffy parts of this movie. A lot of discomfort arising from how black people are portrayed that really didn’t sit right with me. As far as a Bond movie goes, this first instalment in the series is one I’ve seen before and it’s not wholly engaging but it plants the seeds for the rest, with Sean Connery breathing life into the role and making an otherwise lacklustre plot bearable.

Black Widow (2021) - 6/10

I think probably the best part about Black Widow is the experience I had while watching it. It was great being back in the cinema with a couple of friends in a packed theatre. The energy was high and I’m sure for a lot of people, this is the first time they’d been to the cinema since Endgame. For what it’s worth, I did have a lot of fun with Black Widow and I’ve explained more of what I thought about the movie in episode 39 of the podcast.

The Climb (2020) - 10/10

The Climb was added to Now TV recently and I already knew I loved it, having seen it in an empty cinema theatre last year, which I had an absolute blast with. The Climb details the years of a rocky friendship told over scenes filmed as one-shots. Not only is the presentation something to gawk at, but the performances by the two leads playing these friends with a terrifically dysfunctional dynamic is truly captivating. They’re both trying to figure out their own lives and where one can come across as being rather selfish, the opposite is true in his counterpart, whom everyone loves. This is a truly funny and heartwarming movie with a lot to say about how we choose to live our lives and who we choose to be with. It’s a shame the distributors of The Climb didn’t do a very good job because if not for it being available on Now TV, it would be near impossible to watch without forking out more money than is necessary to purchase a film.

From Russia With Love (1963) - 5/10

The second Bond movie. I thought perhaps I’d change my mind on it with another watch, having seen it for the first time maybe a year ago. But no, it’s still largely boring and it treats women like absolute garbage. From Russia With Love is one of those movies I forget as I watch it, and I was trying very hard (in the middle of the day!) not to fall asleep.

The Good, The Bart, and The Loki (2021) - 1/10

I don't usually talk about the short films I watch but for this I'll make an exception. As we all should know, Disney owns The Simpsons now, through their acquisition of Fox, so, coupled with another of their properties, that being Marvel, they decided to make a six-minute animated film wherein Marvel’s Loki is stranded in Springfield. This felt as though it was a minute long due to the horrendously jarring pacing; it is a movie that feels adamant that it needs to exist, while trying as hard as it can to be over as soon as possible. It serves only to stare the audience directly in the face and say “look, characters from The Simpsons are dressed as Avengers”, shit out three credit scenes, then end before you’ve even processed the atrocity you just bore witness to.

Russian Ark (2002) - 8/10

For this next episode of the podcast, we watched a few Russian movies, starting with Russian Ark, a film shot completely in one take as the camera moves about a luxurious museum in a first-person perspective as this main character watches what is happening around him, seeing people moving about the place but unable to interact with them, guided only by another man who seems to be just slightly out of his own perception of reality. This is a tremendous feat in filmmaking and more can be heard about what I have to say in episode 39 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

Ivan’s Childhood (1962) - 7/10

For my own pick of Russian movies to discuss on the podcast, I chose the debut feature from one of my favourite directors, Andrei Tarkovsky. It’s amazing that while this is not his best film by far, Ivan’s Childhood is still such a stellar debut, jumping around in its timeline as it details a child’s experience in the second world war. Again, I do go into more depth in episode 39 of the podcast, so be sure to check that out.

Outlaw (2019) - 1/10

The third movie chosen for this marathon is apparently the fourth Russian LGBTQ+ movie ever made. I’m unsure of the ultimate goal of this movie but what seems to be clear is that it hates the LGBTQ+ community. This is perhaps the worst film we’ve discussed on the podcast to date, so listen to episode 39 to understand exactly why it’s such trash.

Almost Famous (2000) - 7/10

I too love heavy music and also studied journalism so it stands to reason that a movie about a teenager who makes his way onto a band tour, following them through America and interviewing them as they hang out and play shows is going to be a premise that resonates with me. This certainly did. I enjoyed Almost Famous a lot; this kid is living the dream and I was so along for the ride, seeing a lot of myself in what was being portrayed. That said, the story itself is at times a bit by the numbers and I really would’ve been more on board if the visual component was more interesting. For what it is, technically it’s fine enough but nothing in that department ever jumped out at me.

Minari (2021) - 8/10

It’s crazy that this didn’t get a theatrical run where I live in the UK. It feels as though I complain about film distribution all the time but I really don’t understand the process by which a movie gets no cinematic release and yet, months later will pop up on the front shelf of hmv, taking pride of place. But of course I got the blu-ray straight away. Minari has a lot to say about the immigrant experience, specifically in America as a family comes over from Korea and tries to start a business and make something of themselves. You get to see a lot of what you might not think twice about when you think about immigration: the hardship of coming from a place where you know everyone to somewhere rural and sparsely populated, having to make friends with locals and integrate within the community; the strain it can put on a family and on a marriage where this idea is presented about the importance of making it on your own in order to live and not just survive, while also taking into account why you’re doing it in the first place and the value you place on being part of a family that you decided to make because that was more important than money, than economy, than proving you were good enough to make it in a place that gave you very little advantage from the offset. This concept of the promised land, of the American dream is a construct. There are times when it’s not pretty, when you have no running water, or you’re in debt, or a family member is dying and it just feels like you’ve been dealt as bad a hand as you can get. But it is better to know you’re not facing all that alone.

Roma (2018) - 10/10

This was my recommendation for the podcast episode on Alfonso Cuarón movies. Roma is as beautiful as it is heart-wrenching and I would recommend listening to episode 40 of the podcast to find out more about my thoughts.

An American Werewolf In London (1981) - 8/10

In all fairness, London is enough to make anyone a little crazy at the best of times. An American Werewolf in London showcases some fantastically grotesque effects, akin to something like Carpenter’s The Thing, in showing the dead brought back to life and a horrifically gory transformation scene. Although the film is from the perspective of an American protagonist, directed also by an American, the depiction of British culture and climate is something I’ve not seen many films pull off quite so well, and I was pleasantly surprised at the more comedic tone the film has overall, which is something that works more in its favour than straight horror would.

The Party’s Just Beginning (2018) - 6/10

Karen Gillan’s directorial debut is… pretty good! There are a lot of ideas I like in this movie: a woman living life and through convenient circumstances, is confronted with death in many ways. Gillan obviously knows her homeland as well as she can, imbuing the whole thing with an intensely Scottish vibe (though maybe not in the same vein as something like Trainspotting) that makes it a bit more unique than a more run of the mill movie of this ilk, backed up in no small part by her own main performance. The plot itself is no great diversion from the kind of story I’m used to with these smaller movies and for something that’s trying to include messaging about transgender issues and suicide, it probably could have been handled better or done in a different way.

Solaris (1972) - 9/10

Another Tarkovsky joint, one I thought I’d revisit to see if there was indeed more to get out of it a second time. Well, it’s no surprise that yes, there was certainly more to get out of it. Solaris is a crazy trip of a movie and I would liken it to Kubrick’s 2001 in terms of how grand the scale of it feels. Yet this is a film that comes across as deeply personal, choosing to focus on a specific character as he goes to a space station to help those on board who are experiencing some kind of emotional crises, only to feel the effects of the planet, Solaris invading his own mind as it has the crew. To many, I can see this lengthy Russian sci-fi being a tad slow but my personal experience is one of deep engagement. Solaris pulls its viewer in a lot of different directions and it is always doing something unexpected in terms of where its narrative goes. There’s a lot to think about with the movie and thankfully it’s no chore to watch again.

Y Tu Mamá También (2001) - 9/10

Another recommendation for the podcast episode on Alfonso Cuarón movies. This is a very relaxed experience, following three young people as they go on a road trip, visit different places and have sex. Listen to episode 40 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast for more of my thoughts.

Children of Men (2006) - 10/10

My favourite Cuarón movie, one that never stops being tense as its characters are constantly moving towards the end goal. Set in a future where humans are infertile, the oldest living person is 18, and London is the last city in the world that’s still keeping it together, somewhat. This is masterclass filmmaking. Listen to episode 40 of the podcast for more insights.

Minority Report (2002) - 5/10

I’m really not the biggest fan of Spielberg… Minority Report is an interesting movie in terms of its concept of stopping crimes before they happen by way of prediction, but I just didn’t connect with the heart of it. The colouring is way too overexposed in a way that’s supposed to be eliciting a futuristic vibe but instead feels so early-2000’s in the worst way. My biggest problem with Minority Report is just how long it is, clocking in at two hours and twenty-five minutes which allows for a lot of meandering, all while never quite developing characters enough for you to care about.

Caché (2005) - 9/10

Oh god! Another Michael Haneke movie! Here we see a couple periodically sent video tapes featuring hours of footage of the outside of their house. The anxiety ratchets up and the mystery gets deeper with every minute. There’s always at least one moment in any of his films that have so far made me realise just how out of my depth I am. Caché is no exception, and I won’t spoil anything here because I think it’s better just to watch the movie and see for yourself. He is a director that wants the audience to know something and that something is never what is explicitly shown at face value; it is pressed into the fabric of the film - plainly evident, yet hidden. Caché is so stupidly clever in displaying its themes and messaging - making reference to the Siene Massacre of 1961 as well as a deeper study of colonialism - and there’s no way to change a single detail of it without risking the Jenga tower crumbling to the ground. It all works in tandem. It is passion and fury and haunting.

Coco (2017) - 7/10

Pixar had a string of around seven forgettable movies before this point so thankfully Coco emerged to show the company still had something good in them. Coco deals a lot with themes of death and legacy, remembering those who are gone in order to preserve them and while its plotting is quite basic and there are certainly moments that either drag or cannot escape the same Pixar formula, most of what the movie has to offer is a lot of fun, with creative, colourful animation and emotional beats that resonate the way they’re supposed to.

Incredibles 2 (2018) - 5/10

Oh, they almost had it! There's a lot here that could have been explored in far more interesting ways. Setting Incredibles 2 directly after the events of the first movie was not a good idea. If it had taken place five or ten years after, the characters could have been in different places in life and it would feel as though they'd actually changed and developed. But instead of trying to be a film that actually cares about its characters and the journeys they go on, a lot of the film is wrestling with the idea that Bob isn't supportive of his wife and Jack-Jack has to fight a raccoon… They have to shoehorn in a villain that in no way compares to the genius of the original. The ending of the original introduces another antagonist that gets wrapped up within this film's first ten minutes, except they don't catch him and he's never mentioned again. It's a real shame because the animation is fantastic and the acting is superb and there are great ideas sprinkled throughout. It just doesn't come together.

Toy Story 4 (2019) - 6/10

I was rather reluctant to watch Toy Story 4 because from the get-go I’m not really here for sequels being made just for the sake of it. Everyone loves Toy Story and making another one is a sure fire way to make money. This is the first time I’ve seen Toy Story 4 and for what it’s worth, I did enjoy it. The animation is immaculate and that alone feels like a huge flex from Pixar who tend to step up the game when it comes to animation in film, despite not having the best track record for films generally at this point. While it was nice to see these characters again, I found a lot of them to be side-lined (namely Buzz) in favour of a story that focuses mainly or entirely on Woody, who I just don’t like as much as in the previous movies. Generally the movie is good and decent enough but there’s no real antagonist and the plot is quite loose… it doesn’t feel as though it needed to be made from a story point of view.

Onward (2020) - 6/10

And with that I have seen every Pixar movie. And Onward is a fine one to go out on. While I don’t think it compares to the likes of earlier Pixar it’s still pretty fun. Or maybe I’m just a sucker for a medieval setting filled with bright colours and magic! Speaking of which, the animation was super and the medieval quest element is something that hooked me with the film. Again, plot-wise it does feel very familiar and I don’t know, maybe I’m past the point now of expecting Pixar to mix it up where their formula for story-telling is concerned but the movie is quite predictable. Nonetheless, while I’m not rushing back to see Onward I would hardly turn it off or refuse if someone wanted to watch it.

Old (2021) - 3/10

Oh boy! New M. Night movie dropped and my word, was it fun! For more of my thoughts on this… masterpiece (?) of a movie, please direct your attention to episode 41 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

T2 Trainspotting (2017) - 5/10

Trainspotting is perhaps one of my favourite movies and I had never bothered with the sequel, 20 years on, because the ending of that first movie is so conclusive. T2 felt more an excuse for these guys to get together again and in that, I probably would have preferred a couple of pictures on Twitter of the main cast and director, Danny Boyle having dinner or something. This is a fine movie - very arty in its presentation but meandering and dull in its story that doesn’t offer much in the way of proof that it had to exist.

Taste of Cherry (1997) - 9/10

What makes life worth living? This is a central question and theme of Taste of Cherry, and one that leaves such interpretation not only up to its central character but to the viewer as well. This film got me thinking about times in my life when I truly have had no answer to hard questions. Because it’s hard to convince people of things they are so adamantly against and harder still to rationalise what you believe if you’re not even entirely sure why you believe it in the first place. We are all of us alive and in recognising that, does that make it precious? And if indeed living is not a happy thing, why then should we fight so hard to preserve it? I felt upset as I watched this movie because I’ve been asked these kinds of questions before and it makes me feel stupid when I’m unable to answer. But the only real answer I can give is, everything. And if you can’t see the point then you’re not looking hard enough. Taste of Cherry is beautiful in its exploration of these topics and in its overall presentation, offering some of the best visuals in any movie I’ve seen - fitting for a feature with so much to say about the beauty of life - and an ending that as much pulls the rug out from under you as it does pull you out of the dark and make you realise just how lonely you’ve felt.

Bones (2001) - 2/10

Snoop Dogg is Jimmy Bones! This film is super funny but I’m not sure it’s trying to be and I really didn’t love it overall. But I do talk more in depth about it in episode 41 of the podcast.

The Duchess (2008) - 5/10

Another recommendation for the podcast. The Duchess was pretty much exactly what I thought it was going to be and there’s a lot to like about it but generally it’s a bit sparse. For more chat on the movie, listen to episode 41 of the podcast.

The Man With One Red Shoe (1985) - 1/10

This was another one for the podcast and man, was it awful. We had to watch it at 1.5x speed towards the end because it just wasn’t getting finished otherwise. To find out more, make sure to listen to episode 41 of the podcast.

The Emperor’s New Groove (2000) - 7/10

Pull the lever, Kronk! Haha! Slays me. I do quite miss this era of Disney, where the animation was hand-drawn and the stories were actually compelling and funny. The Emperor’s New Groove is vibrant, it’s got great characters and memorable moments that will forever be ingrained in the memory of culture. All in all, it’s just a solid flick that doesn’t waste time, developing the standard fall from glory type of arc but smoothly and in an entertaining way.

The Suicide Squad (2021) - 8/10

Oh, bloody hell! They actually made a good one! The Suicide Squad is not only better than the ‘Suicide Squad’ of 2016 in every way, it’s a genuinely great film! This time, James Gunn (director of Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy movies) is at the helm and it seems clear that Warner Bros. basically let him do what he wanted with the movie, as it doesn’t seem to bog itself down with the restrictions of a more family-friendly rating. The result of this is a far cleaner, colourful film with a clearer vision that takes from early Vietnam movies and uses that style to craft a superhero/villain movie that differentiates itself among the copious amount of existing films of the genre.      The Suicide Squad wastes very little time, introducing fun, crazy characters we’ve not seen on the big screen before and isn’t worried about killing a whole bunch of them, with standouts being Elba’s Bloodsport, Melchior’s Ratcatcher 2, Stallone’s King Shark (expertly rendered with fantastic visual effects), and Robbie’s returning interpretation of Harley Quinn.      A lot of Gunn’s trademark sense of humour is laced throughout and more often than not, it hits. The audience at the cinema were truly loving this movie and I’ll admit, I was right there with them. This mix of the gritty, gory and absurd is not something that should work as well as it does but the basic premise of the film is already so silly (and boy, do they know it) that it just works! Certainly one of the best DC movies since The Dark Knight and one I’d be more than happy to watch again. This is what the modern comic book movie should be: just balls to the wall fun!

[mutants-and-soldiers]

The Proposition (Ch. 1)

summary || You've been thinking about Steve's proposal a lot. Part of you wants to decline but a bigger part of you wants what he's offering.

pairing || alpha!Steve x omega!Reader (Past alpha!Bucky x omega!Reader)

word count || 3,706

warnings || A/B/O, eventual smut, therapy talks, kink negotiation, lots of dialogue — 18+ ONLY//MINORS DNI

notes || I can't get this story out of my head, really! First chapter is all about setting up the smut so I apologize but I believe in talking things out. Thank you to everyone who commented on the first part of the series! I'm going to try and be better about answering comments from here on out! Keep the comments coming, I love hearing from you guys so much!

You can also read it on Ao3. Do not copy, translate, rewrite or repost any of my work, even if you credit me. I always welcome comments and reblogs!

Sequel to Helping Hands: One Two Three Four Five

Divider courtesy of the talented @firefly-graphics

After so many years of going to see Dr. Beta, you were used to the routine when you stepped through the doors. It was late in their work day so you were the only person in the office other than Valarie, the receptionist, who gave you a kind smile. “Good afternoon,” she said, typing something onto her computer. “Dr. Beta’s just about ready.”

“Thanks, Valarie,” you say, setting your bag down to take off your suit.

It had been weird the first time Dr. Beta had demanded you not wear the suit during your sessions. You protested but in the end, she won out. There were a lot of reasons for choosing a female-only office but this was the biggest one. They accommodate you so much just to make you feel welcome and safe in your own skin. It was one of the few places that you could take the suit off and feel comfortable.

The suit was just being zipped up into your bag when the door to the doctor’s office opened. Dr. Beta was a matronly middle aged woman with plenty of laugh lines and crow's feet from years of laughter and joy. She was a kind beta who had done wonders for your mental health and self esteem. Without her, you probably wouldn’t have gone through with the job proposal.

She called your name with a gentle smile, “You ready?”

“Yep,” you smiled, walking over to step into the room. The blinds were closed tight but there were several lamps around the space that allowed a soft light to keep it illuminated. The wooden diffuser was pumping out the soothing smell of lemon and sandalwood. Dr. Beta had always said the lemon helped cut the potency of your powers but you weren’t sure if that was true or if it was something she said to make you feel better.

The two of you settled into your usual spots before the doctor asks, “Anything new since we last saw each other?”

It had been a month since your last session. The milestone of going monthly instead of bi-monthly had been huge for you. There was a time that you saw her weekly, which was when you were at your lowest. You were glad to be where you were.

“Where do I even start?” you laugh, leaning casually back on the leather couch. The cold material felt nice on the bare skin that peeked out from your denim shorts and athletic tank top. “I’ve been meeting regularly with three guys to run with them every Tuesday and Thursday. We also go out for drinks and the game on Sunday.”

“Wow, that’s fantastic!” she gushed, genuinely excited for you. She even sat her clipboard and pen down to lean forward with her elbows on her knees. It was something she only did when you made some kind of...positive choice in your life. The way it made your chest swell with self pride was silly and kind of childish but the woman had always been extra motherly to you. “Clients?”

“One of them was,” you nod, trying to keep the flush of excitement from making you seem too eager. “They’re really nice guys and they invited me to start sparring with them next week after our runs.”

A gentle look crossed the doctor’s face that had you melting. It was a look that she gave when she was proud and the way your name came out of her mouth spoke volumes. “I’m so proud of you,” she said aloud even though you knew it by her body language. “It’s been a long time since you took time for yourself in your personal life. Are they on your level of martial arts?”

“Better!” you said, excited to have a good challenge.

“Better than you?” she laughed, sounding incredulous. “I’d have to see that to believe it!” You join her for the laugh. “Anything else?”

Your mind flutters to a certain blond and his proposition but decide to keep that to yourself for now. It wasn’t good for you to hide secrets from Dr. Beta and you usually didn’t, however, she would definitely encourage you to take him up on the offer. You didn’t think you were ready to come up with reasons (lies) for why you couldn’t do that yet.

“Not really.”

She nods, grabbing her clipboard to flip the paper. “Dr. Noland said you were going to get your heat early this time around. She said you mentioned you might know why?”

Damn it. You forgot how much the two doctors communicated between each other about your health. It was the program you were in and, while amazingly helpful, could be very annoying at times. Case in point, now you need to make a choice on whether to point blank lie to Dr. Beta or just tell the truth. Lying by omission was much more your style.

“Yeah,” you sigh, resigning yourself to the conversation. “The last client I helped had...intense pheromones. I think it may have kicked me into my heat cycle early.”

The doctor’s hazel eyes widened in shock, “Even with the suppressant you took?”

Nodding, you look away for a second. “The client was a super soldier,” you admit, running a hand through your hair in frustration.

Understanding blossomed on her face when she made a guess as to who you were talking about. “Well, that might do it, for sure,” she nodded, making a note. “Still, I’m going to have Dr. Noland change your suppressant just in case it’s not working.”

She stood up, going over to the cabinet behind her desk. She took out a large bottle, tossing it to you, that had heat vitamins in them. Another bottle was thrown your way full of pills specifically for healthy slick production. The last thing she came over with were a few vouchers for omega-centric energy drinks and heat-snacks.

“I know you hate this question but I am legally required to ask,” she chuckles. “Do you have someone you trust to help you through your heat?”

You hesitate. “No.”

Her head snaps up, hazel eyes pinning you to the spot. “You hesitated. You never hesitate,” she points out with far too much excitement. She sets the clipboard down, doing the lean again. “Do you have someone in mind?”

Well, the cat was out of the bag and now you couldn’t lie because she would never believe you now. “I was...propositioned,” you admit, feeling stupidly relieved that you had been honest with her. She had conditioned you so fucking well to feel better when you told the truth as opposed to lying. It had been a ‘bad coping mechanism’ you created during your childhood to gain some control of your otherwise uncontrollable life.

“By one of your new friends?” she asked, already getting the gist of the conversation. “Was it your client?”

“No, not my client but his...best friend,” you whisper, feeling a little embarrassed that you were having this conversation.

Dr. Beta is quiet for a moment, contemplating how to ask the question. “What’s the big deal then? Why not take him up on the offer?”

You cringe. “There are…a lot of reasons but I’m sure you’re going to make them seem like they’re not problems but things I’ve blown up in my mind.”

She laughs, shaking her head. “You know your feelings and worries are valid! I just help you see things in a more logical light. I think you should really talk this through with him but...would you like to practice with me?”

You bite your lower lip but give a heavy sigh when you realize there’s still nearly forty minutes left of your time with her. “Fine. It can’t hurt.”

You sat in the booth twitching with your napkin. You and the owner were good friends from back in your academy days so he allowed you to pay a certain amount for the whole rooftop terrace. It meant you could enjoy a meal with someone without having to wear your suit. You also got the same female server every time who knew your situation and didn’t care.

“Hey, sorry I’m late,” you heard a familiar voice say to your left.

Not really sure why, you stood up when he approached. He was wearing a thin blue zip-up jacket over a blue and white plaid button up shirt that was unbuttoned enough for you to see the white t-shirt he had under it. His jeans were dark and fit far too well around his massive thighs. A plain blue ball cap sat on his head and some fake glasses to help hide his identity. The smile he gave you was enough to make your preheat brain purr.

It took you by surprise when his big arms wrapped you up in a hug that smothered you in his masculine scent. Your hands touched his back, hugging him hesitantly. The squeeze lasted a little longer than you expected, just enough for your head to be perfectly swimming in his pheromones.

You pulled away when he did, allowing him to sit at the far side of the table, facing towards the rest of the area. He had insisted that you come without your suit so it was the least you could do to keep the waitress from noticing his erection.

“It’s okay, I ordered some water for us,” you smile, genuinely happy to see him. It wasn’t often that you saw any of the three men individually. They usually hung out in a pack and you were happy to know that you fit into the group pretty well. “Get whatever you want, Steve. It’s my treat.”

He gave you a look. “I would prefer it if you let me pay.”

Your heart gave a hard thump in your chest. There was something about the way he said it that was just short of a command. You look into his blue eyes, trying to gauge his intent before setting down the menu. “Is this some old-fashioned pride I see leaking through?” you tease, giving him a mischievous grin.

“No, I just figure it was only right that I buy you lunch before helping you with your heat,” he said so casually it made your face heat.

“What makes you think I’m going to agree?!” you laugh loudly.

There is a knowing glint in his eyes that makes your stomach flip. “Isn’t that why we’re here? Alone?” he questioned easily, looking up just as Julia came to the table.

“Welcome back,” she greets you, setting two empty glasses and a pitcher of water down on the table. “My name’s Julia.”

“Nice to meet you Julia,” Steve responded with a neutral smile. It caught you a little off guard because it...definitely wasn’t the smile he gave you. Was it just part of his disguise?

You both ordered a beer and your entrees. It wasn’t until Julia walked away that you focused back on the alpha across from you. He was already looking at you with an intense expression. You feel like he’s basically prying into your soul.

“I...spoke with my therapist yesterday and…” you start, finding it very hard to talk about this kind of thing. It was so easy to soothe your clients but so hard to give yourself a break. “She...convinced me to talk with you about my...worries.”

His expression softens a bit. “I’m willing to work with you,” he soothes, reaching out to take your hand. His fingers curled around yours, warm and solid. “Tell me everything.”

You take a deep breath. “I’m not afraid of hurting you,” you blurt out. “You can take me even on your worst day. I’m...embarrassed to count myself among the small population of omegas that go...feral during their heat. I...fight my partner. Dr. Beta says it's because of the trauma I experienced. Trauma doesn't just disappear during heat...it gets worse. I’m just not the usual kind of docile omega that society seems to exemplify.”

He looks up to alert you that Julia was returning with your drinks. He didn’t speak until she was back inside the building. “Truthfully, I’m actually more intrigued than put off by the notion,” he finally said after taking a sip of his beer. “Do you fight the whole time or just in the beginning?”

It wasn’t a line of questioning that you expected so you gaped at him like a fish out of water for a few seconds before finding your words. “I don’t...know,” you admit sheepishly, sipping your hard cider. “I’ve only been with one alpha during my heat and he had to go to the hospital a few hours into it.”

Something dark and tempting flashed through the blond’s eyes. “How do you feel about restraints?”

Your core throbbed at the simple question. It probably showed on your face because his smile started to widen in understanding. “Yes, that’s fine,” you breathe, trying not to think too hard about the implications.

“Would you prefer to do this at your house or in my suite?” he asked as if you had already agreed to the whole thing.

Your mind screamed at you to say decline. It was dangerous and there were so many things that could go wrong. Your omega brain though had already bought into the whole thing. You wanted this big, powerful alpha to hold you down and take you in the most forceful of ways. You wanted him to restrain you to your nest and have his way with you until the heat fog cleared.

“Wait, wait,” you say, trying to finish your thoughts before deciding anything. “I’m serious when I say I’m insatiable. I don’t have any refractory period between one wave and the next.”

Julia opens the door, alerting you both that she was coming out with food. You both wait until everything is set and she walks away before continuing. The food smells delicious so you grab the burger and bite into it. You always craved red meat before your heat so when the flavors burst across your taste buds, you hum in appreciation.

Steve took a few bites of his own meal before responding. “The super soldier serum makes it so I don’t have any refractory period,” he shrugs casually with a smile. “I’ve never met someone who could keep up with me so...I’m interested to see if you can. Any other worries?”

Heat blossoms across your cheek and in your chest. “I don’t want our friendship to be jeopardized,” you finally admit after finishing half of your burger. You grab some of the fries and eat them while thinking.

“Did helping Bucky keep you from being friends with him?”

“No, of course not,” you sigh, running out of excuses. Dr. Beta had been right, talking with him had definitely made you a little more comfortable with the idea. “Fine, okay, I accept your offer.”

“My place or yours?” he asks with a genuine smile.

You mull over the question for a bit before shrugging. “I have all of my nesting supplies at my house so we can do it at mine,” you chuckle, feeling a little nervous but excited too.

He nods. “Do I need to bring any supplies? Snacks or drinks?”

The two of you continue talking about the logistics of your heat while you finish the food. It makes you feel a lot better knowing you wouldn’t have to go through with it alone. You had already taken the initiative to send a message to all of your clients to let them know you would be out for your heat. You even went ahead and took an extra week just for yourself.

After you pay and you have your layers back on, the two of you stand outside the doors to the restaurant. You don’t want to leave him, truthfully. He smelt so good and you were so close to your heat that it was hard to separate from him. “Thanks for talking with me,” you smile despite the bonnet covering everything but your eyes. “I’ll give you a text when I’m ready.”

“Of course, thanks for lunch,” he chuckles, leaning down to kiss your forehead through the layers. “Here, take this for your nest.”

He shucked his jacket and offered it. Your hand reaches out to take it slowly. “Thanks but this might just push me into it faster,” you laugh brightly, holding the large jacket close to your chest. You could smell the scent of him even through all of your layers. It made your head foggy.

“That’s the idea,” he smirked, turning towards the tower with a wave. “Just let me know when you want me to come over.”

You watch him walk away, eyes lingering on the way his biceps stretched the fabric of his shirt and down until you stared at his toned ass in those jeans. It was obvious how close you were to your heat when sweat started to form along your temples and slick started to dampen your panties.

Once you got back home, you arranged your snacks and vitamins on the counter so they were easy for Steve to find. He might need to feed you for the first few waves because you weren’t sure if you’d be coherent or not. Then you went into your extra bedroom that you used for your heats and started getting it ready.

You pulled out all of your slick-resistant pillows, cushions and blankets from the closet to make a nest on your king sized bed. It was a nice four post bed that had your mind in dark places. All you could think about was being restrained with cuffs around one of those posts while Steve fucked into you.

It didn’t take long before you needed a pad for all of the fucking slick that was making everything so annoying. The nest took a lot longer that you would like to admit because it just didn’t seem...right. You’d never had this kind of issue before but your omega brain wanted Steve to be comfortable and happy too.

Looking back at the closet, you debated on whether or not you wanted to pull out the box of toys. You weren’t sure if Steve would want them or need them or…

“Fuck it,” you mutter, grabbing your phone to send the alpha a quick text. Toys or no toys?

You were adding his jacket to your nest when your phone vibrated in your pocket. Instead of the one or two word answer that you expected, it was...something else.

Definitely toys. I’ll enjoy teasing you until you’re begging for my knot.

Fuckin’ hell! Was this the same blond with the surprisingly boyish face that you had met during lunch today? The same guy that Sam teased about being an old virgin?

You didn’t think the pad was going to hold up to all of the slick that gush from you at the text. How does one respond to a text like that? You grabbed out the delicate pink box out of the closet, wincing at the color because it was the only color that the shop had to store your toys. Omegas were feminine right?! They liked pink, right?!

Laughing at yourself, you set the box on the little table in the room. You opened the lid and set it to the side so you could look at your assortment of toys. It was a collection you started when your first heat hit you at sixteen. You had been a late bloomer because of your constant martial arts training, which stilted your omega hormones.

It had all the necessities and even some extras. You had your typical knot dildo, a vibrator, a clit vibe, a few different types of condoms for when you weren’t in your heat, a bottle of lube that encouraged slick production, a bottle of regular lube, and a few different sized anal plugs. The last few were just because you enjoyed the feeling of being full when having sex.

Quickly you took a picture of the box and sent it to Steve as a reply. It was the best you could come up with. You had never really been good at those kinds of things. Well, you’d never had someone try and sext you.

Happy that everything was prepared, you cuddled under your fuzzy blanket in your nest. Comfort flooded through you as you nuzzled into the man’s jacket, deeply taking in his scent. It was nice and musky and made you feel warm and safe.

The phone buzzed. You’re okay with anal during your heat?

Your pheromone idled brain made you giggle, “Consent is important,” before you could text him back. Yes, I like being stuffed full.

It didn’t even register how inappropriate the text sounded before you hit send. You were obviously a lot further along than you had previously thought. The subtle throb of your core was starting to get worse but you weren’t too far gone to see his last text.

Good to know. Get some rest. Need me to come out and check on you before dark?

You groaned as a cramp hit your pelvis, slick becoming an issue. It simultaneously hurt and felt good. You were so distracted that you couldn’t answer the text message. Everything was suddenly too hot so you threw off your clothing, slipping your hand down to brush against your clit. It was already so sensitive it hurt but you needed relief.

It wasn’t enough and you knew that it would be futile to try and get yourself off with just your fingers but your brain wasn’t working. You groaned helplessly as the lackluster orgasm washed over you. It wasn’t enough, so frustratingly not enough. Sweat dripped down your cheek from your hairline making you kick off the blanket so you could turn over.

You didn’t care how it looked with your ass up because the scent of Steve on the jacket helped clear your head a little. It made your core throb but it also helped you become coherent. Enough so that you grabbed the phone and typed in a one word response that only said:

Now.

Credits for the pictures in Moodboard:

Unsplash photographers:

1. Kelly Sikkema

2. Vulkan Olmez

3. Toa Heftiba

Like, comment and reblogs are always welcome! Thanks for reading!