#sickness and many other troubles took the opportunity to ride away but now i want to take it back!!!

[saturnvs]

tomorrow i'm visiting a stable where i might start having equine therapy eventually.. nervous but excited!!

[heartthumpnovel]

Heart Thump: Chapter 5

“Carrying the World”

Word count: 3532

We now find out more about the company and importantly, get to focus on Natasha's deal in this chapter.

Also gotta snippet of drunk Jason right after the lighting incident.

cw: Scummy office culture

Last chapter: Where Trouble Begins

Next chapter: Seeking Answers

----

“This job is going to set you up for the rest of your life, ” They said, “You’ll find so many new and incredible opportunities at this company if you work hard enough!” They also cared to mention with a grin that stretched wider than a cat who’s caught the canary.

“We’re like a family, all of us working here, so treat us like one; Maryham.”

They would remind her, giving her a pat on the back that felt empty and insincere. It was a familiar routine that Natasha had to endure every time she brought up concerns or tried to address issues in her department. No matter how carefully she presented her points, every concern was dismissed as a mere complaint. She had been with the company for five years, enough time to realize that it was just corporate jargon for "stop complaining and get back to work."

One would think that she would earn more respect considering they hadn't needed to make any changes to the marketing research department as she had run a tight ship with a crew that actually felt motivated to work. Morale hadn’t been better since she’d taken charge. Everyone working under her had at least known that she was an incredible leader that can pull all the workers together in harmony.

Or at least, that’s what they tell her to her face.

The elevator ride up was a lonely one, other people might have been shoving their way in and making small talk before scurrying away to follow their agendas, but she was so tangled up in her thoughts that she didn’t notice. She was still fuming that Jason was being reckless at the worst possible time: She thought he was smarter than bringing the plague here when the higher ups were about to talk about productivity. Can’t really have that when half of the office catches it and calls in sick. Who did he have to prove himself to, anyways? The charts at the end of day? The higher ups? Her? God she only wished that was the case, that adorable dork. Natasha took in a deep breath and used one manicured nail to press the top floor button. The jolt of the elevator lulled her back into her thoughts, beating herself up a little for even having those thoughts about her subordinate. 

In her world, that’s considered an HR violation and major social faux pas. Even her friendship with him and her other coworkers was pushing the envelope of what is appropriate. Sure, it was technically nepotism, but it wasn’t like the company could decide what she does in her personal life… Right? 

The elevator abruptly came to a halt, its doors sliding open to reveal two men who supposedly held positions of similar management level, albeit in different departments. Their eyes met hers with a sense of indifference, while their smiles conveyed a semblance of friendly camaraderie. As they stepped into the elevator, she kept herself distant, forced to unwillingly overhear their divisive conversation. 

[Image Description: Natasha is nervously stimming with her hair while behind two office goons talking smack.]

“Hey Ryan, you think Gary is going to grill us for being late again?”

“For sure,” the other shrugged, “But it’s not like it’s our fault our teams are being lazy.”

“I know right? It’s like nobody wants to work anymore! They should be happy they’re not working in a burger farm, because those managers would do far worse than we’re allowed to do. ” “The company has gone soft Trevor,” He spoke as he patted him on the shoulder,

“I remember when people at least claimed to have a cold, or said great-aunt whatsherface died so they couldn’t make it. It’s making us look bad!”

“It’s like they’re keeping us from our bonuses on purpose. Isn’t that right Natasha?” It was as if she was in a horror thriller as both of them looked back at Natasha- clearly seething on the inside yet lightly masking it with a cheerful demeanor.  She could feel the foundation on her forehead nearly give way to sweat as she cleared her throat, putting on her own secret mask of beaming confidence that she’d always had in her back pocket. “I wouldn’t say that… it’s not like they wanna miss work, you know? Productivity would stagnate even more if people got sick, or even worse, couldn’t take care of their mental health. You guys have had your bad days, right?” Natasha said, twirling the ends of her hair unconsciously. 

They didn’t stop glaring until a sudden roar of laughter filled the elevator. Natasha earned a slightly painful slap on the shoulder from one of the faceless men. “You’re a sweetheart Natasha!” Ryan said, as if what they were talking about were just a simple exchange of opinions. 

“Anyways Trevor, are you joining us on the week getaway in hawaii?” “Hell yes I am.” 

The elevator came to its final stop, opening its doors to reveal the thin hallway to the CEO’s office. 

-------

“I would like to thank you all for coming in on short notice,” An older man spoke as the trio entered his office, “Please, come take a seat.” 

Natasha had to force herself to not roll her eyes at Gary’s ludicrous posturing, lest she loses her paycheck. The tension in the room was remarkably high as the small party took their seats at the conference table. Starting off another short-notice meeting that overall had information that could have just been sent in a memo. And now, the boring part.  

It wasn’t like Natasha wanted to check out of the meeting mentally, but anytime that she had the audacity to give in her input it went right over the other member’s heads, and it wasn’t like anything they were talking about was interesting. Was it unprofessional to space out? Yeah sure. But god, the meeting was boring. 

One of Natasha’s mastered talents she had learned over the course of her career was to look like she was listening intently, when in actuality she was letting her mind run wild with the latest thing she had hyperfixated on. It came in handy for ego-stroke meetings where the CEO only talked about how much of a great job he was doing or those long waits at the DMV. 

Normally she was able to tune in when she actually needed to, but today was different, as her mind wandered over to Jason. Now, it wasn’t like she was obsessed with him…  She was just falling for him harder than the economy. Though her unrequited love for him wasn’t the only thing she had on her mind. This time she actually was worried for the poor man. When Ellie rushed into the office yesterday panicked, saying Jason wasn’t feeling well and needed to be driven home right away, Natasha stood up to go see him. Strangely, however, Ellie blocked her path and just insisted that Natasha give them the all clear for Ellie to drive him home. Initially, Natasha didn't think much of it, but in retrospect she wondered if she should have insisted on checking on Jason herself, especially since the last time she remembered seeing him was when she found him sprawled out on the grass of the golf course, on the night of the party, completely drunk. Despite having shared a few drinks with him in the past, she hadn't anticipated that one glass of wine would render Jason completely wasted. It did look like he was fine at the time, despite being drunk off his ass. Jason even woke up when Natasha helped him up off the ground and he was just dizzy and disorientated (And adorably goofy.) He kept apologizing and was talking gibberish about lightning with that dopey grin of his. 

To save his job and embarrassment, Natasha opted to send him off in a ridesharing car so that she could wrap things up at the party. While waiting for his ride, she sat with him as Jason went on and on about how wonderful golden retrievers are. He explained this as if he was the foremost expert in the subject despite being a cat person. 

“Annddd man alive- those widdle wet noses? They’re so gross but I just wanna boop them!! They’re like wet cold hams, innit?! Hehe!~” Jason giggled uncontrollably for the next two minutes thinking his observation was the funniest thing known to man. 

God he was so cute. 

While he was on his little dopey ramble, Natasha spotted a lone leaf hanging out in his smooth dark hair. Forgetting to ask for permission, she reached her hand over and softly brushed his bangs with her fingers to untangle that stray leaf. As she flicked the leaf out of his hair, Natasha noticed that the air was quiet. She made a grave mistake by looking down at his wide hazel eyes that stared right at her. Eyes she could have sworn were full of long awaited bliss. With both of their mouths agape and her own face feeling incredibly warm, her heart told her it was time, despite the consequences. “Jason… I-” “BAWAHAHAHA- OH- OH MAN.” Jason loudly started laughing and wiping tears from his eyes. “Natasha you’re sooo sillly! Hehe, oh, to believe that..” Jason slurred as he tried to catch his breath, “You’re funny you know that?” His sickly sweet smile made Natasha’s stomach flip and she right there wished she was hit by a bus. Of course he wouldn’t be interested. Why did she even bother?

Natasha wore a soft smile to mask the disappointment she felt and realized she shouldn’t have tried to confess something like that when Jason was barely lucid. She fiddled with her fingers as she heard Jason start talking about the supposed crazy weather and stared at the road wondering when that car was going to get there. 

“Natasha?” When the car finally did get there, Natasha pulled Jason gently off of the bench and helped make his way to the ride. Though, she could have sworn Jason was a little bit heavier than usual. 

“Natasha??”

Again he flashed her with that smile as Natasha closed the car door. The more she thought about it, he did seem unwell that night. Did she make the right decision? “Natasha.” 

She watched the car drive off into the night as she was frozen on that sidewalk. Does he remember what happened? Is he actually really sick and she didn’t take the situation seriously enough? “Natasha!” 

Is he mad? “NATASHA!”All of a sudden, she was back in that meeting room with everyone staring right at her expectantly. Gary was giving her an ice cold scowl with the others trying to hold back inappropriate giggles.  

Shit. She was caught. 

“UH! Oh sorry,” Natasha stumbled back, she tried to recollect her gusto, “I was thinking back on something, could you repeat yourself?” Gary sighed and rolled his eyes, “I shouldn’t have to, but oh well. I asked about the progress on the internships in your department.” His fingers tapped impatiently on the table. Natasha elected to ignore his judgemental gaze and cleared her throat. She stepped into her big girl shoes and started her performance. “Ah yes, I was contemplating on that, the group you’ve sent us to work with has been settling in quite well with the rest of the team,” Natasha calmly spoke as she folded her hands on the table with her back straight, making complete eye contact with Gary, “Though I would say that we could use more financial incentives for the internship program as I believe these students could give us more of their time rather than having to balance multiple sources of income and college at once.”  

“Natasha you know that isn’t in the budget-” One of the other members of this meeting tried to rudely interject. “Actually Ryan, it is. We have a specific adjustable fund for the internship program, but I have noticed that it is going unused and HR hasn’t been giving me answers to why. Could you answer that?” Natasha fought back with a calm and friendly demeanor. Ryan, the head of HR, shrunk in his seat. 

“Well I- I haven’t heard a request from you and no one on my team has informed me.” Ryan stumbled on his words before Natasha went in for the kill. “Well that’s funny, because Cindy told me she would take care of it when I sent her an email… that I forwarded to you.” 

That shut him up. 

Ryan attempted to hide under the table with Gary now pointing his glare at him. The rest of the meeting went according to the agenda as fast as molasses for the most part. However, around the conclusion of the meeting a suit knocked and informed the CEO that there was an incident in the marketing department.  

Natasha immediately shot up from her seat but, before she could pick up her meeting notes, Gary interrupted her. He also waved off the other supervisors in the room and soon enough, it was just Gary and Natasha. 

“Walk with me Maryham,” Gary spoke as he opened the door, “We need to chat.” Natasha felt ice pierce the back of her neck as that cold gaze Gary had always made it unclear on how furious he was. Even after all these years working under him, Natasha couldn’t pin point when she’d cross his arbitrary lines as the goal posts always seemed to have shifted with him.  

The two walked into the hallway, Gary taking the lead and Natasha feeling her anxiety build up inside her wondering if he really was that mad about her spacing out and the mentioned incident in the marketing department didn’t help calm her down either. Her fingers fiddled with her pink curls and she tried to plaster a nonchalant smile on her face. “So uh, what did you need to speak with me about?” Natasha asked, trying her best to keep calm and collected.

The graying CEO looked behind him with a frown, not bothering to face her completely. “When your mother stepped down, I promised that I would make sure you had an opportunity to flourish in this company,” He began to monologue to Natasha’s horror, “I won’t lie, you’re a very important asset to this company and it shows.” 

Here it comes. “But,” Gary turned around with a lowered brow, “That doesn’t excuse fraternizing with your underlings.” Natasha’s eyes were wide as dinner plates and she cleared her throat from nervousness. “What are you referring to-” Natasha began before Gary interrupted with a big sigh. “Your little friend group,” Gary said, “I left that very much alone, it seemed like it wasn’t cutting into your work or had any signs of obvious bias, but, clearly I can see you’re putting more thought into your friends than your real work.” 

Natasha frowned and her confidence was taking a huge hit, feeling a deep pit in her stomach she responded, “I apologize if it seems that way sir, but I assure you I ain’t slacking off.” Without even knowing it, her fingers were already starting to tangle into her pastel pink hair stands. “The nationwide Atlas party the other night says otherwise,” Gary continued. Natasha’s palms were sweating as she wondered if Gary caught wind of her forbidden crush. “You and that boy, Anderson, was it? Yes. Instead of working on your own social network with the company, you shuffled a drunk idiot home.” 

Oh that, that just sparked anger within her chest. She restrained herself from speaking her mind about how cruel Gary could be to someone who needed help. How did this guy not understand basic empathy? “Not to mention, you keep making excuses for Ms. Arai’s attendance!” Gary raised his voice, knowing no one else was going to enter this hallway. “And no- College as an excuse can only go so far.”

Natasha had to grip her fists and her smile was replaced by an emotionless grimace. “And that.. Janitor. I don’t think I need to say more about him.” Gary spat, staring Natasha in the eyes. Her fingers released from her hair.

Suppressing her rising emotions, Natasha took a deep breath and mustered her composure as she had done a thousand times before. "Sir, I understand your concerns, but I want to clarify a few things," she began, her voice steady despite the turmoil inside. “So Gary,” Natasha began her professional talk back, “my relationships with my colleagues haven’t been interfering with our work, in fact I give them this ‘special treatment’ so I can keep our office in working order.” 

Before Gary was allowed to interrupt her, she kept poking the beast. “If you wanna chastise me for helping Jason- if I didn’t step out to quickly help him on his way home he could have gotten hurt,” Natasha explained, “and now despite NEEDING to rest at home, he was still trying to work today.” “You forced him to go home when he was working?” Gary asked with a displeased, wrinkly scowl.

“I don’t think it’s going to look good if an ADA protected employee needs to be hospitalized because of the negligence of their supervisor now will it?” Natasha crossed her arms and stood tall, “ Also about Ellie, yes I am lenient on her attendance due to the fact that one of Atlas’ mission statements is to have a supportive and collaborative environment that fosters further education and productivity."

Gary scoffed dismissively. "Supportive or not, it seems like you've been prioritizing personal matters over your professional responsibilities," he retorted, his tone filled with disdain.

Natasha's eyes narrowed, a flicker of defiance shining through. "Respecting and helping my colleagues when they need it is not a sign of neglecting my duties," she replied firmly. “You’ve seen the reports coming from marketing, everyone on that floor, especially the coworkers I’m close with, have been excelling in their work.” Natasha pressed the call button on the elevator door, having an intense stare down with the faltering CEO. “Personal or not, we are doing what we are being paid to do and more,” Natasha spoke to fill in the tense air, “I apologize if your idea of professionalism needs to be presented upfront for you to get it Gary.” There was a silence that felt like it should have been followed by a storm, or the CEO firing Natasha right then. However, the aging man only sighed as his palm met his forehead. “God you really are your mother aren’t you?” Gary spoke, regaining his composure. “Look, I believe you Maryham, I do. However, I only bring up the issue as I am getting more concerns brought up by the other supervisors. I can only do so much to reassure them it’s not favoritism.” The elevator dinged and opened, showing a thankfully empty inside. The CEO reached out his hand and patted Natasha’s shoulder lightly. “When your mother stepped down as CEO and recommended you, I knew you were qualified for this line of work, but you were inexperienced.” Gary said as he saw to it that Natasha entered the elevator, standing there with his arms crossed behind his back, “You still have a lot to learn about what it means to be a leader, and that means to know when it’s time to step back emotionally…” The doors began to close. “And make sure your values are aligned with the company’s best interests, Ms. Maryham.” ----- “maKe suRE your values aRE AliGNED WiTH the ComPAny’s beST InterESTs Ms. MARYHAM.” Natasha squawked with her puppertering her hand to lip sync with the garbage she just heard before she blurted out a laugh, “HA! The nerve…”  Thankfully, no one was in the elevator to tattle on her. While it was pretty childish to mock her own boss, it wasn’t like it was the first time that she had to stand up for her workers and man, she got really sick of Gary pulling the ‘mom’ card every time she had to explain herself. Natasha wondered if that old coot was ever going to realize that she wasn’t a clone of her mother. It wasn’t like she asked to step in for her. She stood silently in the elevator, replaying that conversation over again for consideration. Natasha sighed and lightly pressed the side of her head on the cold elevator wall. While a lot of what the CEO had told her was just corporate brained garbage, she did consider Jason’s strange behavior after the party. Has she gotten too comfortable with her friends?

Did.. he remember what she said? A small vibration in her suit jacket buzzed for her attention, Natasha fumbled while pulling out her pink wallet phone case and opened it to check her messages. They were from the group that chatted with her and the gang talked about outside work stuff. Looks like Ellie has to cram tonight and Motor apparently suddenly couldn’t make it to their ritual gaming night due to a ‘big event’ he can’t miss. Natasha was gonna be alone tonight. Great. Ding. Not a big deal, she could find a game or an old album to occupy herself. Ding

This isn’t the first time she was by herself.

Ding

She.. wasn’t lonely.

Dong.  

[phantasmagoric-acquaintance]

who said anything about marriage

[read it here or on ao3]

Barry was nervous.

That was nothing new. Barry was nervous most of the time. But Barry hadn’t been nervous around Lup in decades.

There were so many things that could go wrong. For one, he could lose the ring. For the millionth time in the past half hour, he patted the outside of his jacket pocket. He felt the little box and exhaled quietly.

He could screw up the plan. They’d already made it to the restaurant on time, thank the Gods. But what if they missed the gondola ride? He’d booked the damned thing in advance, and if the rules he’d read online were any indication, the company didn’t give latecomers a whole lot of leeway. He could pop the question on the streets next to the canal, he supposed, but that was unromantic. Plus, he’d pre-paid so much for the ride.

And what if he fell? He’d made himself sick the night before reading articles about mistakes to avoid on a gondola. He knew not to try to stand, but what if he forgot? He could tip the boat and soak them both.

“Um, babe?”

Lup’s voice brought Barry out of his anxious reverie, and he remembered he’d been pouring a glass of wine, which was now very close to overflowing. “Aah!” He hastily righted the bottle, hitting the mouth against the overfilled glass in the process and very nearly knocking it over.

Lup snickered, eyes glinting with amusement. “You are a wreck,” she said as she lifted her own wine glass to her lips. There wasn’t a hint of malice in her voice or in her expression. Barry remembered that he’d probably embarrassed himself in front of her thousands of times, and she still loved him. As the waiter came by to take their orders, Barry felt himself relaxing.

That calm moment was short-lived.

When the waiter turned away from their table, Lup propped her elbows up on the table and rested her chin on her palms. “Hey, Bear?”

“Mm-hm?” Barry vocalized, sipping from his comically full wine glass.

“When are we gonna get married?”

Barry sputtered, spitting a little wine back into his glass and trying not to choke on the rest of it. “Huh?!?” Had she figured out his plan? She was clever, and he wasn’t the best at keeping secrets, but he thought he’d done a good job of keeping it from her. He’d known better, too, than to tell anyone expect Taako. Did she get it out of him?

She raised an eyebrow. “Well, don’t freak out or anything. It’s just, you know, we’ve been together for, like, I don’t know, an entire human lifespan?” She shifted her chin so that it rested only on her left palm and reached for her glass with her free hand. “I mean, we’re pretty much already married. I just thought, I dunno, maybe we should make it official.”

If Barry had been thinking, he might’ve told her “Yes! Gods, yes!” right then and there. He might’ve pulled out the ring and said, “Funny you should ask, I was thinking the same thing!” If he had been thinking, he might have realized that this moment, right here in the restaurant, was the perfect opportunity to do what he’d set out to do this evening.

But Barry wasn’t thinking. Barry was panicking.

“M-marriage? Who said anything about marriage?”

Lup set her left arm back down on the table. “Huh? Nobody said anything about it. Or, I guess I did.” She looked down at her glass and swirled it around a bit. “Geez, Barry, I wouldn’t have brought it up if I knew it’d make you all, like, panicky and sweaty and shit.”

“I-I’m not panicky and sweaty.” He was very obviously both of these things. It was this moment that the waiter came by, awkwardly setting their plates in front of them and hurrying off, sensing that whatever was happening here, it was definitely not something he wanted to be privy to any longer than necessary. “Y-you just caught me off guard, that’s all. Marriage is, you know, a big word.”

“Well, sure.” Lup picked up a fork and began swirling it in her pasta. “But, like, haven’t you thought about it before?” She lifted the fork to her mouth.

“Thought about marrying you?” Barry was drenched in sweat now.

“Mm-hm,” Lup managed through a mouthful of linguini.

“Well, no, I mean, why would I?”

This was absolutely, positively, the wrong thing to say. It might have been the worst possible thing Barry could’ve said, and he’d said it, and he couldn't take it back.

Lup swallowed her food hard and gaped at him. “Fucking excuse me?”

“Uhh…” He took a long sip of his wine.

“What do you mean, ‘Why would I?’?”

The pressure was on now, and Barry tended to falter under pressure. “I just, I mean, marriage is, it’s such a long-term commitment, you know? It, uh, ties you down and stuff.”

Lup’s eyes went even wider. “Barry, what are you trying to say?” she asked softly.

Barry threw his hands up. “Nothing! I- nothing! Just, you’re such a, a free spirit, I, uh, wouldn’t wanna… hold you back?”

She deflated, and he knew he’d dug himself deeper. “Yeah, okay.” She put her elbow back on the table, making a fist with her left hand and resting her cheekbone on her knuckles, and looked down at her plate.

Silence. Barry cut off a bit of his salmon and ate it. “Mmm!” he hummed exaggeratedly. “The salmon is amazing! How’s your food?”

Lup pushed her noodles around on her plate, not looking up. “It’s fine. Fantastic.”

They stayed like that for a while, him slowly eating his food and watching her, her only taking small occasional bites and refusing to look anywhere but her plate.

“Um, are… are you ready for the check?” Barry asked after some time.

“Hm? Oh, yeah. Whenever.” Lup stood. “Just, like, excuse me for a minute first.” She walked quickly towards the restroom.

When the door closed behind her, Barry sighed and sunk his face into his hands. He didn’t have the slightest idea how he was going to recover. “Fuck,” he breathed into his hands.

After a minute, Barry heard the sound of footsteps, distinct from the clicking of Lup’s heels, approach the table. “Barold.”

He lifted his head to see Taako, still in his full chef’s uniform, glaring at him, arms crossed. Fuck, he was really in trouble now. “Hi, Taako.” In retrospect, maybe it was a mistake to have this dinner at Lup’s brother’s restaurant. It had seemed like a sweet idea at the time. Taako had only recently gotten comfortable cooking for large crowds again, and he and Lup made efforts to support him when they could.

Taako leveled a glare at Barry. “One of my little birdies has just informed me that she saw my sister run crying into the bathroom. Would you, dear customer, mind telling me why that is?”

Barry exhaled, long and slow. “I beefed it, Taako.”

“You beefed it? What does that mean, exactly?”

“Okay, she brought up marriage out of nowhere and it threw me off and I didn’t want to spoil the proposal and I panicked and maybe I said some things I didn’t mean.”

“Such as…?”

“Such as… ‘I’ve never thought about marrying you,’ and ‘Marriage ties people down’…”

“Oh, good Gods. All because you didn’t wanna spoil some dumb overly romantic surprise?”

Barry flushed. “Well, when you put it like that…”

Taako pinched the bridge of his nose. “Barry, I don’t know how you’re going to do it, but if you know what’s good for you, you’re going to have this fixed by the end of tonight.”

Barry grimaced. “I-I’ll try.”

“You’ve also wasted my food.” Taako nodded at Lup’s mostly-untouched plate and tossed a leather check holder onto the table. “And if I find any fire damage in my bathroom, I’m charging you for that, too.” With that, Taako turned and strode back into the kitchen.

By the time Lup came out of the bathroom, Barry’s credit card had already been returned to him and he was signing the receipt. He looked up at her and tried not to wince when he noticed the mascara tracks marking paths down her cheeks from her puffy eyes. “Ready to go?”

“Mm.” She still wouldn’t look at him. He led her outside, and she leaned against the building, hugging herself and staring into space, eyes unfocused.

Barry stood next to her uneasily. “Uh, I’m going to… call the taxi now?”

“Mm-hm.”

Barry didn’t reach for his phone. Another uncomfortable silence passed.

Then, he sighed. “Okay, I-I didn’t wanna do it like this, but…”

Barry knelt down, pulled the ring box out of his pocket, and flipped it open.

Lup finally turned to face him now, stunned. “Wh-what-?”

He blushed and began rambling. “I had this whole evening planned, and there was supposed to be a gondola ride, that’s where we were supposed to go next, and I was going to ask you there, but then you brought up marriage and I panicked and I put my fucking foot in my mouth. It was so dumb, I’m so sorry I said all that shit, I didn’t mean any of it, I just really wanted it to be a surprise. Gods, I was so fucking dumb, of course I wanna marry you, if you’ll still have m-“

Lup bent down, grabbed Barry’s face, and kissed him hard.

Barry felt all the tension in his body melt away. He shut the ring box and held it securely in one hand. He brought the other up to sweep Lup’s hair behind her ear and held it there, against her cheek.

When Lup pulled away, she rested her forehead against his. “You’re a fucking wreck, baby.”

He chuckled. She was crying again and, Barry realized, so was he. “I know.”

She beamed. “We’ll work on it together, fiancé.” She gave him a quick peck on the lips. “I can’t believe you did all that for a fucking gondola ride, though. I mean, no offense, dear, but I’m kinda glad we didn’t do that.”

He grimaced. “Well, about that, I paid a lot of money for it, and there’s still time…”

Lup pouted. “Do we have to? I’d rather go home.” She kissed the corner of his mouth. “I’ll make it up to you,” she breathed.

Barry smiled. “Yeah, okay. You’ve convinced me.”

“Perfect!” Lup stood up, smirked, and held out her left hand. “Now gimme that rock!”

Taako lifted his phone off the bedside table and squinted at his notifications.

Lulu: Missed Call

Lulu: Voicemail

Remembering the scene at his restaurant the night before, he inhaled sharply and unlocked his phone. There are two ways that situation could’ve played out, he thought. He navigated to his voicemailbox and pressed play on the most recent message.

“Ugh, it’s so annoying how you’re never awake when I have news. I have big fucking news, by the way, so I’m gonna be really pissed at you if you don’t call me back within the next, like, two hours. Okay, later.”

Taako smiled. It was a relief to hear her sound so chipper. It meant this news of hers was definitely good, and it meant that Taako didn’t have to fight Barold. He sat up, rubbed the dust out of his eyes, and called his sister.

[ameliaxleon]

✦ MELISSA BARRERA, CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER ✦ AMELIA LEON ALVAREZ, the THRITY-ONE year old has been in Hidehill for NINETEEN YEARS AND HAS BEEN BACK FOR A MONTH and was a STRANGER to Jade Parker, the missing person . Whispers on the streets are that the MECHANIC AT QUICK FIX AND BARTENDER AT CADILLAC who lives in HADLEY PARK. is said to be GENEROUS and IMPULSIVE but I guess we’ll find out for ourselves. { MARIE, 27, EST, SHE/HER. }.  .

triggers: immigration, deportation, murder

Stats

Character Name: Amelia Carmen Leon Alvarez

Age: 31

Birthday: April 11, 1991

Gender/Pronouns: Cis Female, She/Her

Sexuality: Lesbian

Face claim: Melissa Barrera

Occupation: Mechanic @ Quick Fix & Bartender @ Cadillac Lounge

Neighborhood: Hadley Park

Birth Place: Tijuana, Mexico

How long they’ve been in Hidehill: On and off for 29 years. Just came back after being away for about 10 years. She’s been back for a month

Currently lives: Hadley Park

Inspo: Spotify | Pinterest

Personality

Mel is quieter now - she’s seen too much.  

She can put up a good façade and blend in when needed, but she is trying hard to walk the straight and narrow now

Amelia still has a wild spirit - always has and she loves to have fun. Trouble just seems to find her

She is a Latina which means she’s loud and loves to dance. She has a fire that burns with in her and she’s trying to figure out how to let it burn bright again

Tequila is the way to her heart.

She is a grease nut - love fixing up bikes and cars. Her father taught her everything she knows.

She’s proud of her roots and everything her family did for her. Mexico runs in her blood and she lets it be known.

While she has her Honda, she loves riding her bike more than anything. She feels free when she rides it.

Key Points:

triggers: immigration, deportation, murder

Immigrated from Mexico when she was 2 years old and received her DACA permit when she turned 18

Parents were deported back to Mexico when she was 18.

Dated Emilia Lord from when they were 18-21.

Cheated on her when Em turned 21 and Em left her.

She ran away to Las Vegas after the break up and met Ledger Jackson. They quickly became very close friends - partners in crimes.

With her father sick, she was the sole provider for her family in Mexico. She needed extra cash and began to steal cars and sell them for parts.

Deals went wrong and in an act of self-defense, she killed someone.

Ledger took the fall for the murder, knowing this could get her sent back to Mexico and her family would suffer.

Eventually, she sought legal help and confessed to the murder once it could be proven as self-defense. Ledger was let out and she went to prison.

She’s just been let out and has moved to back to Hidehill. Wants to pay Ledger back for taking the fall and supporting her family while she was in jail.

Now that she’s back, she wants to work things out with Emilia but doesn’t know how to even start. They haven’t spoken in a decade.

She was a STRANGER to Jade Parker

Biography.

triggers: immigration, deportation, murder

Amelia Carmen Leon Alvarez was born in Tijuana, Mexico on April 11, 1991 to Carlos and Andrea Leon. Tijuana was not a safe place to live and her parents wanted a better life for her, one with more opportunities.

Though dangerous, the young family sought out the help of “coyotes” and crossed the border of United States when Amelia was only two years old.

Through some help from friends in America, they travelled to Hidehill and settled down in Hagfield. Her father rented out a space for the small family to live and in exchanged her provided labor for the farmer they worked in.

Andrea, on the other hand, traveled to Hindley and cleaned houses for a living in the gated community. They didn’t have much - but their family was united and better off. That’s all they wanted - the hope of so many immigrants.

Eventually, her parents obtained fake documents and were able to become a little more independent, even though they often still tried to keep a low profile. They moved to Hove Lake when Mel was about 10 years and her father began to make his own out of the fishing business there and provided fish to Hidehill, along side other fishermen.

That’s where Amelia first saw Emilia but the two girls kept a distance. It wasn’t until they were in high school did they really start to see each other. Their friend groups melded together and by the time they were both 18, they had fallen head over heels in love with each other.

With the brightest light in her life, also came unmeasurable darkness. Shortly after they started dating,  someone had ratted out her family’s secret. They were undocumented.

Her parents were deported but Amelia had been left behind. Her DACA status had saved her from being sent to her homeland - a land that would never feel like home.

Em was everything to Amelia and after losing her family, she knew that she needed her girlfriend more than anything. Their relationship is what kept her grounded - she could see a bright future together. Full of laughter, happiness, kids - the whole thing. The life her parents had sacrificed so much for. Mel worked hard to help her family and devoted herself entirely to Em. Her life wasn’t perfect, but she was making it work and it got better every day. She knew that Em was the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. They dated for three years in pure bliss before everything went to shambles.

If asked, Mel still couldn’t give an honest reason why she let this happen. She could blame it on the horrible news she had gotten earlier in the day - her father was had fallen sick, very sick - or she could blame it on the copious amounts of tequila she had taken to numb the hurt. Or maybe even the realization that she could never give Em the life they wanted when she had to support her entire family back in Mexico now.  But regardless of the reason, Amelia had found herself after a few drinks (a lot of drinks) in the arms of someone else rather than out celebrating her girlfriend’s 21st birthday. 

Emilia found out and she ended things, completely blocking her out.

With no family and the love of her life gone, Mel fled from Hidehill.

She landed in Las Vegas and that’s where she met Ledger. It struck her odd that they had never spoken till then, especially given they both were from Hidehill but their friendship was an easy one. They became inseparable - they were two sides of the same coin. They spent a lot of time in the shop - whether at the auto shop she worked out or at the tattoo parlor he worked at and eventually, she grew to trust him and shared her story. All of it. He was her ride or die - her partner in crime. They were tied at the hip. They got into trouble together and always got out of it together. It was the best life and probably the best friendship she’s had in her life.

At this point in life, she was the sole provider for her family. Her family was poor in Mexico and with her father having fallen ill, she was responsible for sending money over to support them. She was the only one who could but being a mechanic didn’t always pay well.

So, she eventually got into a bad crowd. She began stealing cars and selling them for parts. Her hands got dirtier and dirtier until her life was anything but what she pictured. But she was helping her family and that’s all that mattered.

Until things got really bad. She still can’t quite wrap her hand around the event - the sequence being blocked out. But getting involved in a bad crowd had consequences and when a deal went wrong, someone was sent after her. In an act of desperation, Mel found herself with blood on her hands and very dead body on the ground.

It was self-defense, she swore when Ledger walked into the scene. But they both knew that no one was going to believe someone like her. Instead, this would revoke her DACA permit and get her deported and imprisoned in Tijuana. Who would look after her family then?

Go. When Ledger told her to run, she did, vowing to pay him back somehow for taking the fall and saving her.

She ran and ran but eventually, there is no where else to run. Mel sought the help of a group of lawyers who specialized in helping immigrants like her in hard situations. Eventually, she was able to confess and get a reduced sentence when they were able to prove it was self-defense. Ledger was released and she took his spot. Her eyes tearing up when he promised to look after family while she was finishing her sentence.

Amelia has just been released from prison and her record is ruin. She’s on probation and she knows that one wrong move will have her sent back to Tijuana so she’s walking a very fine line.

After being released, she decided to come back to Hidehill for a fresh start and though, it feels a bit too sad for her at times, she knows it’s right thing to do. She has to pay Ledger back for everything he’s done for her and when she catches sight of Emilia - very much still the love of her life - still in town, Mel knows she’s made the right choice.

She only hopes it’s not too late to make amends with Emilia.

Wanted Connections:

CLICK HERE FOR THE FULL LIST OF WC’S

The person she cheated on Emilia with  - WC listed on the main page

Family friends

Childhood friends

Co-workers

Enemies - WC listed on the main page

Hook ups

One night stands

GIVE ME EVERYTHING

[hiiro-writes]

zhongluc single dad au part 5 finale!

hiro here to bring y'all the last part of the single dad au series: a cup of you

as promised, here is the finale with a happy ending, and i hope you enjoy!

《♡》

a week passed yet it seemed like forever

the day after diluc told the principle that bennett wouldn't be able to go to school due to his injury, several of his friends and classmates came to visit him

since diluc was busy with accompanying his son in the hospital, jean, lisa, eula, and kaeya had to cover his shifts

for the first few days, zhongli tried to call him but diluc only ignored him since there was only so many things he could take right now

as much as bennett wanted to reassure he was fine he...really wasn't

the fall caused a fracture and he needed surgery (and the aftermath of the screws is...not pleasant) and so diluc was there 24/7 to take care of him and administer the painkillers

it wasn't until another week where bennett would be discharged from the hospital

when diluc expected the cafe to be closed at this hour (it was around 10pm too) he and bennett were greeted with confetti

apparently kaeya, jean, lisa, and eula wanted to welcome them back and congratulate bennett on being discharged from the hospital

kaeya also takes this opportunity to talk to diluc for a bit and tell him to relax and take it easy now that bennett is out of the hospital

he also tells him that if ever he needed some time off for his son they can take over his shifts if he gives additional pay

then diluc proceeds to smack kaeya on the head

on the other hand zhongli meets up with his good friend, venti for drinks

"good friend" when he doesn't get drunk all the time or pry into zhongli's love life so much and makes jokes about making them into songs

right now though he just wanted drinks with the company of friends 

when zhongli arrived to the bar, venti was already drinking all by himself (with around 2 or 3 glasses already) 

he is already disappointed in his friend

there was a bit of bickering on both ends at first until zhongli orders osmanthus wine and venti comments that he only drinks it when he’s bummed out

the “good friend” part of venti asked zhongli if he was still taking antidepressants the last time they saw each other

he still does but not as much as they used to these days but he feels the need to take them regularly again

as much as venti wants to asks he just drops the topic and talks about work instead

venti is a freelance songwriter for anything and everything due to his so called “musical genius”

they talk and drink for the rest of the night but venti starts to realise that zhongli is drinking a lot more than he’s used to

venti takes this opportunity to ask his dear friend a few...questions

when he asks about the person he likes nowadays, zhongli smiles and tells venti all the things he likes about him

just before he gets into too much detail, venti asks him another question

he asks if he’s happy to which zhongli looks troubled 

zhongli mentions that yes, he is happy but lately they haven’t been talking and he blames himself for it

he then becomes dejected over it and venti feels guilty for asking 

it was a good thing zhongli’s phone was out (and that venti knew the password) because it was time for them to go and he couldn’t exactly drive all the way back to zhongli’s place when venti uses a scooter

venti decides to call childe since the last message from his was saying that he made calla lily seafood soup for the kids at home

childe was surprised to hear venti’s sober voice since he’s usually the that’s drunk and needs to be escorted home

he arrives on time to see venti taking care of a passed out zhongli and take him home

he asked what happened and venti’s only explanation was that he drank too much 

as much as childe wanted to ask more it was already getting late and the bar was closing soon

on the ride home, zhongli mumbled something that childe was able to hear so clearly 

“i miss him”

there was no need to guess who it was based on how so fondly zhongli said it

this was the last straw, childe told himself, and decided to pay a small visit to angel’s share cafe the next morning 

diluc was taking a break after his shift while kaeya stayed by the cashier when childe stormed in and demanded diluc for an explanation for not talking to zhongli for nearly nearly three weeks now

all diluc could tell him was sorry since he’s still trying to process his emotions first about it

kaeya leaves his place by the cashier and stops childe before he could do anything rash

childe begins to tell kaeya that “this wasn’t supposed to happen” and “the plan was perfect” 

diluc catches on and asks what plan they were talking about to which childe covered his mouth and made kaeya sigh

he turned to face his brother and said that he will explain all about it someday 

it only took diluc a few moments to understand the whole situation and confirm with his brother if he and childe set him up with zhongli 

since the cat’s out of the bag, kaeya mentions everyone who was in on it which makes diluc even more frustrated

kaeya tries to apologies but diluc replies with “don’t talk to me” and leaves the cafe

diluc was on his way to guyun stone park and realised half-way that it will only dampen his mood even more

when he’s about to turn back he bumps into someone who spills their drink on both of them

“what a mess...i’ll remember this.” 

diluc realises that he bumped into eula and apologises immediately and offers her his handkerchief only to be turned down 

she said it was fine since it’s only cold water and will dry soon eventually 

eula noticed that something was wrong and asked if he wanted to talk about it since it’s troubling him so much

they then sit on a nearby bench just outside guyun stone park where diluc talks about what’s troubling him but only giving her vague details about it 

he admits that he’s upset since they all planned for this to happen and thinks that it’s some kind of sick joke, as if poking fun at his romantic life

eula can’t say much since she’s an outsider in all of this but suggests that he should talk to zhongli about what happened since she sympathizes with him

when diluc gives her a puzzled look she replies with “i know the feeling of being misunderstood and it isn’t a pleasant one” 

he didn’t have the right to ask her a personal question so they both just leave it at that 

diluc gives it some thought for a few days before calling zhongli again but this time, he’s the one ignoring his calls

it had nearly been a month and they still haven’t talked to each other and it kind of feels like their relationship ended before it even began 

when he was thinking of giving up after calling for the umpteenth time, a small fox, no...rabbit? was placed on the counter 

he looks up to see albedo carrying his little sister klee and mentions that she’s been meaning to give that to him since he looks sad lately and wanted to cheer him up to thank him for all the delicious treats he serves 

this reminds diluc of the gift he got for zhongli on the day he was gonna confess

he hurriedly thanks albedo and asks jean if she could take over since he needed to go somewhere important 

with the gift in hand, he bought a bouquet of glaze lilies on the way and made his way to zhongli’s apartment 

when he arrived he was greeted by xiao at the door who only closed it as soon as he saw him 

diluc tried knocking again and again until zhongli was the one who opened the door and was very much surprised to see him and realise why xiao kept the door closed 

“zhongli...”

he stopped the door before zhongli was able to fully close it and requested if they could talk for a bit

it took him a few moments to decide yet it felt like forever. in the end zhongli nods and they go down the small garden where there were barely any people

diluc decides to give the flowers first as an apology for ignoring him the past few weeks since a lot of things...happened 

before he could continue zhongli asked how bennett was as if to change the subject and diluc mentioned that his son was fine 

going back, he starts explaining what he saw that day and was really confused about it and thought that zhongli already had someone else and then the accident happened with bennett so he had to prioritize his son of course 

he also mentions that he should have asked in the beginning and told him what happened instead of rushing out of the park and leaving him to wait for hours

zhongli explained that the man he saw the other day was a dear friend of his and they used to be close 

diluc is now dumbfounded after hearing who the man was and feels stupid for being jealous about it 

when zhongli wonders why diluc didn’t ask in the first place, the other explained since he felt hurt 

“but why?” 

“because i like you”

then they both stand there in silence because...finally 

diluc confesses that that’s what he’s been meaning to tell zhongli, who cuts him short and kisses him

it was just a short, chaste kiss before he pulled away until diluc brought their lips together again with such need

when they part again, zhongli smiles and tells diluc that he likes him too, but he probably already knew that

they both laugh and zhongli comments that the flowers were lovely 

diluc then shows him a box and mentions that we he was also supposed to gift this too him that day 

when zhongli opens it, he sees a pocket watch with a mountain and dragon designs on it 

“you told me you liked antiques and so i bought it because it reminded me of you” 

this time, zhongli pulls him in for a hug and thanks him. he also apologises for ignoring his calls and messages but diluc only reassures him by saying that he deserved it 

timeskip to a year later and their relationship has been going well

they still continue to have their weekly dates together (bi weekly if they're considering the ones that they're not with the kids)

on just a few simple occasions, they would all go out together as if they were already a real family

ganyu asks them when they'll get married so she can stop calling diluc "diluc" and start calling him dad

they both blush and diluc explains that it's not their time yet since someone else is getting married

zhongli was at his usually table at the cafe when kaeya happily serves him his drink and gives him his wedding invitation, saying that he wanted to give it before childe managed to do so

he’s surprised that they still managed to print the invitation a few weeks away from the actual wedding 

childe and kaeya have been planning for months and yet somehow they forgot to formally invite everyone to the event itself, which was understandable since they were both still busy at work 

zhongli was going to be one of childe’s groomsmen while diluc was going to be kaeya’s best man

the ceremony went well and everyone was happy for the new couple 

diluc did the honours of saying a speech during the reception to the newly weds and congratulate them both on this new chapter of their lives 

when it came to the dancing part of the program, diluc invited zhongli to dance with him and said that he could only slow dance to which zhongli laughs but takes his hand 

they both watch childe and kaeya happily dance together (with a few missteps here and there but diluc is also the same) and pondered how their wedding would be like 

zhongli adds that he would rather have it at a garden instead and maybe just invite a few friends

diluc agrees and wonders how they’ll be able to share the apartment since diluc’s place was enough for him, bennett, and kaeya, while zhongli’s was the same

zhongli suggested to just buy a house instead and discussed the importance of each of their kids to have their own separate rooms since it “teaches about independence” 

they both also comment on having a nice kitchen, space in the living room in case a few guests were over, a table big enough to fit around 6 people since ganyu invites keqing a lot for dinner 

which reminds diluc, and asks if xiao and aether were together yet to which zhongli chuckles

“there’s no need to rush,” he smiles, “they’ll figure it out.” 

“like us?” diluc adds and gives him a kiss 

zhongli nods and smiles even more, pulling them closer to kiss his lover back

《♡》

and that's a wrap!

this all started with a coop with my friend and it all just...descended into this madness

special thanks to @valberryy and @chairagi for listening to my brainrot and helping me beta read this!

thank you for reading this series and i hope you guys enjoyed it as much as i did!!

there will still be a fanfic version of this that i'm gonna post on ao3 soon! and i'll post the link to that fic here as well

thank you again!

be sure to check out the previous parts here:

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4

[quietmyfearswith]

hoax ; august walker x fem!reader 1/3

status — completed series

word count —  3,360 words

warnings — swear words, angst? betrayal, 

pairing — august walker x fem!reader

a/n — so here’s my august walker series! this took me too long to complete lmao,, lmk what you think and asks are open!! Y/F/N = your father’s name

masterlist | series masterlist

August ran his sweaty palms over his thighs. “You can do this. You can do this,” He repeated to himself as he was sitting on the driver’s seat of the car, the agent thought it was absurd how he was worrying so much about a date.

He’s been on missions and life-threatening situations but here is getting all nervous about going out with Y/N. Perhaps it was because she was such a fine woman? That she was unlike anyone he’s ever met? This would mark the fifth time they’d be going out together; he unexpectedly enjoyed every single one and he was left excited for the next time they’d spend time together.

Exiting the vehicle he walked the short distance to her front door and rang the doorbell. Running his hands through his hair — to make sure that not a single strand was out of place — he could feel himself loosening up when he heard her footsteps getting louder. And as the door opened he grinned at her once he took in her dress, “You look stunning.”

Closing and locking the door, Y/N stood beside him and stood on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek, “You clean up well, Henry.” He offered his arm for her to hold on to and she latched onto it, “Where are you taking me tonight?”

Opening the car door for her, he made sure she was comfortable before shutting the door and jogging over to the driver’s seat. As he started the engine of the car, he turned to her, “Thought we could go for dinner then perhaps a walk in the park.” Y/N was sitting sideways on the car so she was fully facing the man beside her, “This is different from our previous dates; any special reason for that?”

The man chuckled as one of his hands left the steering wheel and placed it on her thigh, stroking it lovingly, “I just thought it’s been a while since we enjoyed a meal.” The rest of the car ride to the restaurant was filled with conversation about how their week was and anything they could talk about.

“Such a gentleman,” Y/N teased Henry as he helped her slide in her seat. Once he sat down from the seat across from her he smirked as he lifted her hand to his lips, pecking it softly, “Well only for you, love.” 

They were both sipping wine as they waited for their orders, “I’m loving the aura of this place so far; how have you heard about this place, Hen?” With slightly damp hands, he laid the napkin across his lap as he noticed their waiter brought their food, “Well I searched for romantic restaurants and this place was on top of the list.”

Pointedly looking at him, Y/N tasted her food before snickering at him, “Are you sure this isn’t where you take your date of the week?” The CIA Agent rolled his eyes playfully as he cut his steak, “Believe it or not there really isn’t that many women I’ve been with.” Part of him wasn’t really lying — in his bustling life as an active field agent he didn’t have time to take a woman out on dates, so he settled for one-night stands. But as he spent more time with the lovely woman across, he started to rethink about how he previously lived his life and somehow yearned to spend more time with her.

Both her hands carried the weight of her face as her chin rested against it, “That’s cheesy, but I have to admit it does sound sweet.” He looked at her to see how her features displayed adoration and despite his training he could not prevent himself from reflecting the same expression. “Then I bet you’re gonna have to get used to it, now won’t you, love?”

The dimly-lit surroundings made her skin glow — but August somehow sensed that it was more than the lights; it had something to do more with how she glowed because she was spending time with him. As they both were sharing desert, which really meant that August scooted his seat beside Y/N and fed her, the man could feel her shifting around.

“What are you moving around for, love?” Her nervous chuckle had him putting down the fork and turning to face her completely. Her small hand held his to ease her nervousness and the agent felt the butterflies in his stomach, which was something that never happened to him prior to their first meeting. “There’s just something I wanted to ask you, Hen.”

And that simple statement of hers had August’s heart pounding; he thought of the worst possible scenario that Y/N was made aware of his real intentions with her. “It’s just we’ve been seeing each other for a while now right?” The agent could feel himself relax partially with how she began her explanation, but now he could not focus on his earlier dilemma as his interest was piqued. “And this is our fifth date already; so it got me thinking about how maybe we can move on from here?”

It was unusual for August to feel disappointment and Y/N cringed at her own words when she saw how dejected the man beside her was at her poor choice of words. “No, shit. I’m sorry that’s not what I meant,” She began and now held both her hands, caressing his knuckles, “What I mean to say is,” August held his breath as the woman across him took a deep breath, “Will you be my boyfriend?”

Her hopeful smile was faltering each second August took too long to respond — she didn’t know about the internal struggle the man beside her had. “I mean, you don’t really need to say yes. But I don’t know, I just wanted to make us official.” His heart broke with how she loosened her grip on his hands. August couldn’t help himself to deny how much he loved being with her and that she was sunshine on his drought-filled life. He thought it was unfair for him to indulge himself and connect with her on a personal level; but the carnal instinct to be selfish overpowered any other feeling and logic, “I’d love to be your boyfriend, love.”

Y/N gasped into his lips as he pressed against hers firmly and passionately. Her hands cradled his cheeks while his hands found themself resting on her waist. Her smile reached her eyes once they pulled apart from each other, “I was so nervous you were gonna say no.”

Brushing a stray strand of her hair behind her ear, August mused, “How can I say no to being yours, love?” His line had her pursing her lips, trying to hold back from physically cooing with how smooth he was. “I hope you don’t mind being mine for quite a long time then?”

Her retort had August smirking, “Good one, love,” He placed a kiss on her forehead before taking a bite of their desert and grabbing another slice for her. She gracefully accepted and smiled at him sweetly. “Wanna get out of here and walk for a bit?”

“Let me at least pay the bill, love,” He booped her nose and she jokingly chased his finger, as she tempted him, “Why don’t we make a run for it?” Chuckling as he shook his head and asked the bill from the waiter, “Nice try, my little troublemaker.” And Y/N could feel herself swell with how he said she was his.

August leant her his coat when she noticed the night’s breeze made goosebumps rise on her skin, “Are you sure you didn’t plan to just steal my coat from me?” She giggled at his accusation, “Nope, but I do like the way you’re holding me.” He had an arm draped over her frame to ensure that she wasn’t getting any more cold. They both were walking around the near-empty park which allowed them to continue their conversation.

“How about I take you out again next week?” He asked when she shared what her schedule for the following week would be. Pursing her lips she teased him, “You taking me out almost every week is really what made me fall for you, you know?”

Chuckling a bit, he asked her again, “But seriously, can I?” She looked up at the starry sky pretending to think about it — which wore her boyfriend’s patience as he tickled her sides, eliciting giggles from her. “Stop it,” She managed to let out in between giggles and caught his hands with hers, “Okay we can go out next week!”

Genuinely delighted with that he pressed a quick kiss on her lips but before asking her when she was available she warned him, “I can’t go on Friday night though.” Deciding to sit down for a while, August ushered them to sit down at a nearby bench before inquiring, “Why? What do you have going on then?”

“My dad’s coming back from an out of town trip for work and said that he wanted to have dinner with me,” She explained as she rested her head against his shoulder. Here’s my opportunity, August thought to himself. Clearing his throat caused the girl to remove her head from where it comfortably rested on his shoulder and looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, “What's wrong, Hen?” He was quick to massage the space between her brows to relax her and reassure her, “Nothing’s wrong, love. I was just wondering if maybe I can tag along when you dine with your father?”

Y/N couldn’t believe it; in her previous relationships and dates, they were always dreading to meet her family. It even came to a point where they'd do anything to avoid doing so. But this god of a man was more than willing to do so? And he wasn’t even cowering away at the thought of it?

“Are you sure? Are you sick?” She pressed the back of her palm against his neck and forehead, checking if his temperature was unusually high. Removing her hand from being pressed against his skin, he took her hand and placed a loving kiss on the back of her palms before clarifying, “I’m not, love. I just wanna thank the man who created such a fine woman.”

Smiling at him fondly, “Do you realize that with a quick tongue like yours can get you out of trouble?” Oh I do hope it can get me of trouble, August hoped. Wrapping an arm on her frame, he guided both of them to lean against the park bench as he responded, “Maybe it will, but this silver tongue will try its best to charm the father of my beautiful girlfriend.”

Pressing a kiss on his cheek before complying, “Well I can arrange that meeting then; I’d love to see the best you can come up with to charm him.” August was relieved with that; as much as he was relieved though he couldn’t help but have a moral conflict within him. His intentions on meeting with her father weren’t as pure as she thought, but it was something that he had to do. 

“I really enjoyed tonight, Henry,” Y/N fondly confessed once they were parked out of her home. His calloused hand caressed her cheek, “So did I, love. So will we have dinner on your home next Friday?” Nuzzling her cheek against his hand for she loved the warmth his palm provided, “Yeah we’ll just eat here then.” 

August then moved to exit the car so he could open up the car door for Y/N. He held out one of his hands to guide her, which she accepted. With their intertwined hands swinging as they walked to her front door, “Goodnight, boyfriend. Can’t wait to see you again.” Her use of the nickname had him widening his eyes and stammered with his words, “Goodnight, girlfriend.”

His hands placed themselves on her neck, pulling her close and locking their lips together for a passionate and amorous kiss. Opening her mouth, she welcomed his tongue and didn’t even bother to battle with him for dominance as she caved in easily, her arms circling against his broad shoulders. Planting a few small kisses before they broke apart and stared into each other’s eyes, “Now I really can’t wait to see you again.”

I’ll be meeting with Nick Roberts in a few. Dinner is scheduled at 6pm, have the team be here by 6:20. 

August sent the text to Sloane, not bothering to wait for her reply as he tucked his phone into his jean pocket. Ringing the doorbell, he was not physically displaying any signs of nervousness. It wasn’t Y/N that opened the door for him, but her father. “Are you Henry?” He asked with a stern expression after taking a good look at the man. “Yes sir, that’s me.”

Breaking into a smile the man opened his arms and pulled the man outside, “Nice to meet you, son! It was about time my daughter found someone.” Taken aback, it took time for August to snap back and hug back Y/N’s father. “Dad! Stop embarrassing me!”

Her shout made the break out their hug, “My name’s Y/F/N, by the way.” The two men then walked inside the house. “Nice to meet you, sir. And I think it’s about time I found your daughter as well.” Y/N skipped her way to her boyfriend and hugged her tightly; this was the first time they’d seen each other after their previous date and she really missed him.

“Jesus, get a room you two. And son, call me Y/F/N,” He joked as he grabbed a bottle of beer; offering a bottle to his daughter’s boyfriend, to which he turned down. “Okay Y/F/N, can you both excuse me while I go to the bathroom?” Y/N nodded as she too untangled from their hug, “You know where it is, Hen; I’m gonna go check the food.” 

As August locked the door of the bathroom he fished his phone out and opened the text from Sloane that read:

Team’s in position, at your signal we’ll come in.

Grabbing the collar of his shirt, he spoke to where the small microphone was, “Signal is we had such a great dinner last week. Do you copy?” He heard the voice through the earpiece he had, “Affirmative, we copy.” The Hammer nodded even though he couldn’t be seen; he took a few deep breaths before heading out of the bathroom.

Once he returned to the dining room, Y/F/N turned to him as he was speaking on the phone, “Has Perez found out about this yet?” August was reluctant when pointed towards the living room — indicating that he was willing to go there should he be interrupting something important — but what he overheard just confirmed his connections to an illegal drug and firearm trade. Shaking his free hand, Y/F/N told him there was no need to do so.

Sitting down on one of the dining chairs, he pretended to not tune in to his phone conversation but he really listened intently. “Well we need to get through this without his knowledge; I can’t afford to mess this up.” Though the topic or context of their exchange was unclear, it provided just the right lead for his mission.

“Here’s dinner!” Y/N happily cheered as she carried the casserole, placing it on the middle of the table. Y/F/N was quick to wrap up his phone call and it had August’s clench his jaw. “Sit beside me, Hen,” She patted the seat beside her and faked a stiff smile as he scooted over to her. “So how’d you two meet?”

Y/N giggled as she placed a serving on her boyfriend’s plate and hers before pushing the casserole to her father, “We met because he was my driving instructor.” Her father recalled that, “Oh yes, he was the one the school sent?” August nodded, involving himself in the conversation so as to not cause suspicion, “I was, and after her lessons were through I asked her out on date.”

Y/F/N smiled when he saw how giddy his daughter was, “And I can see how happy you’ve made her.” She agreed, “We’ve been going out for almost a month now, right Hen?” Internally, August let out a deep breath before he nodded before he dreadfully let out, “We had such a great dinner last week; didn’t we, love?”

Feet rushing in through the front and back doors were heard, “What the hell?” Y/N panicked as the dining room was suddenly invaded by men and women who had guns strapped to their belts and bullet proof vests. She was held back by two agents as was her father; but no one held back who she knew was Henry. “Y/F/N you are under arrest,” The agent read him his Miranda rights Y/N had tears running down her eyes as her father was calm and not resisting. 

“Great job, Agent Walker,” Y/N whipped her head to the direction of the voice and saw that a woman was praising her boyfriend. “Agent Walker?” She whispered in disbelief as the man approached her and she took a step back once he stood in front of her. “Y/N, love I’m sorry,” He tried to touch her but she squirmed against the two agents’ hold.

“Let her go,” Walker, as she now knew, ordered the two and they did so. Her hand moved quicker than her brain and she slapped his cheek, “Who are you?” She yelled and looked over to where her father was being taken away, “Dad! Dad, wait!” August wrapped his arms around her middle, preventing her from following him to wherever he was being led to. 

“You can’t go with him, Y/N,” He told her as she squirmed against his hold. “Let me go! Where are you taking him?” She questioned as she pulled against his hold; she would have loved having him close to her but now she just felt betrayed and couldn’t stand him. “I’ll answer your questions if you promise to settle down.”

She stopped struggling against him and he let go of her, turning her around to face him. “He’s gonna be detained. The least you can do is find him a lawyer to defend him.” Though it clarified a bit of her confusion, but she still had to ask, “So everything was a lie? You didn’t really like me and you only jumped at the chance to meet my father to arrest him?”

August had his mouth opened, but struggled to come up with a coherent answer; which just broke Y/N’s heart even more. “Just leave,” She sounded crushed with her shoulders slumped and face damp with her tears, “Just get out of here, Henry, or Walker. However the hell you are.” The selfish part of August wanted to stay here with her to guide her through the whole ordeal or even just hug here goodbye; but he knew better that doing none of them would be for the best. 

Nodding his head at her, he ordered for the other agents to promptly leave the premises. They all followed him and headed out the door. Once alone in her house, Y/N shook her head and removed Henry, or Walker, from her mind and instead made herself productive. She cleaned up the casserole and cutlery, leaving them on the sink for her to wash later on.

Heading to her home office, she immediately searched on her laptop the best lawyers that could prove her father’s innocence. She also made an appointment to meet with her father so she could talk to him. As she was deep in her work, her phone chimed and she glared at the text message she received:

I’m really sorry, Y/N. I didn’t want to lie to you. Please give me a chance to explain?

Without even thinking about it, she deleted her entire text thread with him. But she didn’t stop there as she blocked his number and deleted all pictures she had with him or of him. Right now her top priority was her father and proving he wasn’t guilty.

[jae-daddy]

Duff (3)

jaebum au series

one / two  / three / four masterlist  

gifsource: @magiccastles​ 

pairing: im jaebum x reader genre: angst, smut, cheating, CEO! i guess too now plot:  you are the duff, and guys use you to get close to your bestfriend, turns out jaebum was no exception. but as time goes on the tension between you and your bestfriend’s unoffical boyfriend grows a/n: this is as much as a ride for me as it is for you lol. i just start writing and let words take me somewhere and then i just say i guess that’s it in the end. hope y’all enjoy it <3 not edited.

“Did you hear,” Naina crept up behind you, making you jump slightly. She laughed before shooting you a cheeky grin and continuing, “the Chairman’s son is joining the office today?”

“Really?” You turned to her, as you waited for the papers to copy behind you.

You weren’t that interested, all you wanted to do was get out of here and rest for a bit before starting on your assignment due next week. This internship was really time-consuming, but you couldn’t really complain because so many other students would kill to work at this firm.

“A hundred per cent. I know he’s rich and all that,” she waved her hands around hastily to show how none of that mattered. “But that is not what makes him attractive. He actually looks good. Apparently, he was a delinquent, and is just returning home after starting up a new business.”

“He’s still the boss’ son,” you scrunched your face in distaste. While the old man was a dilf, you hated nepotism, and people only giving opportunities to those who had ample of it.

“He was scouted,” Naina pouted defensively.

“How do you know?” You shot her a pointed look, as the machine stopping whirring.

“The process was done by the shareholders and the Society, and you know how much they hate Chairman. Apparently, they didn’t know it was him when they scouted him,” Naina shrugged as she loaded her papers. “They had to chase him for almost five months before he agreed to a trial period.”

“A trial period?” Your eyebrows rose in surprise. You couldn’t deny that whoever the Chairman’s son was sounded pretty impressive, maybe you were being too prejudice.

You bit your lip as you watched Naina for a while, “Well, let’s hope he actually is a hottie. Who told you all this by the way?”

Naina turned to you with an apologetic look, “Pam.”

“Alright,” you rolled your eyes, walking away. Pam was notorious for her horrible taste in men.

“Hey y/n,” a head popped over your cubicle, making you look up tiredly. Your eyes wandered to the clock, one more hour left. “You’re needed in the conference room.”

“Note-taking?” You asked, getting up. The guy just shrugged before walking off.

You knocked on the door before entering the conference room, to find all the shareholders and the Chairman sitting around a table. You found Nina signalling you to come over.

“I bought my note-taking things,” you told Nina as you sat down beside her. You scanned the room to find impatient old men mumbling quietly to each other. “What’s going on?”

“They’re waiting for the new Director to show up,” Nina replied, her voice low as she leaned in. “He’s forty-five minutes late already.”

You shot her a surprised look before frowning, “It doesn’t look like anything much is happening here. Why was I called in?”

Nina just shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t know, Connor called for you, but he looks preoccupied.”

You looked over to your supervisor who was on the phone, a pained expression on his face evident on his face. You watched as he shut his phone before walking in hurried and long strides.

“I have to apologise, gentlemen,” Connor stopped at the front of the table, his actions anxious, but his voice steady. “But looks like the new Director, unfortunately, cannot meet us today, an emergency has occurred. He does send his apologies.”

The men, who you would have expected to be fuming, just nodded with understanding.

You were confused.

Instead of the shareholders, it was the Chairman who seemed to be fuming.

Before anyone could say anything else, he got up and walked out of the room. The others didn’t say anything or object, they just broke into little groups conversing. The meeting was over without achieving the goal but without any conflict.

“I guess it’s over,” Nina got up, brushing her skirt straight. You followed her actions, your eyes catching the clock.

“There are only twenty minutes left,” you peered at her with a pleading look. “May I have an early leave?”

Her eyes darted to Connor who was engaged in a very serious conversation and then back at your pleading face. “Okay, but if anyone asks, you had an emergency.”

“Yeah, I guess emergencies are easily accepted in this company these days,” you joked, making Nina spank your arm playfully.

It didn’t take you long to gather your things and get out of the building. You had been working here for just over two months, but you could navigate the building with your eyes closed. Your gaze was on your phone, checking for any updates from your team members for the upcoming project. Disappointment filled you once again when you saw endless bubbles of excuses dotting the group chat.

You sighed, reaching for the button to call the elevator when your fingers touched another.

“Oh my gosh,” you pulled your hand back on reflex, as you looked up. “I’m sorry.”

But as soon as your eyes met those glowing brown ones, you wished you could reel back the apology that fell from your lips. Your face turned into a sneer as you glared at him, “What are you doing here?”

Jaebum smirked at you in his signature cocky way. You hated how it made your core tingle, but at the same time made your blood boil. But the anger didn’t always mean to come out in violence. It begged to out in some ways so deviant, that you’d rather punch his arrogant smirk off than do things that to him that your mind imagined.

“You're stalking me now?” You folded your arms as you snorted at him. “Or did you get in trouble and need help now?”

“This is a financial firm, love,” Jaebum smiled at you, his arrogance taking over his entire being.

“Committed fraud then.” You bit back, thanking the elevator doors as they opened. You quickly walked in and pressed the closed button as Jaebum’s eyes watched at you. “Catch the next one, love.”

The doors were almost shut when he jammed his arm in the way. You winced as the doors clamped against him before opening slowly. You quickly masked your concern with annoyance as he strutted in holding his forearm.

You wanted to say something but bit your tongue as you rolled your eyes. In the end, you couldn’t hold yourself back, “You could’ve just waited for the next one.”

Jaebum smiled at you, knowingly. You hated it when he did that. He smiled at you, his brown eyes sparkling with humour as if he could see through you, and knew exactly what was going on in your head.

“I guess I’m a fool then.”

Your sharp eyes met his soft ones. You held them for a moment, your eyes blazing as you tried to figure out what he was doing. You knew why he said that.

He wasn’t a complete idiot then if he actually realised what you meant. He was a fool. He still is a fool. But him admitting it doesn’t undo what he had done. That he had chosen Heather over you, that he had screwed Heather.

You didn’t know what he was doing, what his game was. Did he have a sick fetish of doing friends? And then try to convince them into a threesome?

Your face must’ve revealed the disgust you were feeling because Jaebum laughed after a moment.

“What?” He smiled carefree leaning against the wall. You hated how unbelievably attractive he looked, even under these hideous fluorescent lights, Im Jaebum managed to look like the sexiest guy to have ever walked on this Earth.

You realised his normal piercings were missing. You watched as his tongue darted out from his pink lips, going to the familiar place where the lip ring would normally rest. He touched the ghost of it, his lips quirked and he just licked his lips before lifting an eyebrow.

“Where are your accessories?” You asked, you hated how haughty you sounded, but you couldn’t help yourself. Jaebum somehow bought out the worst in you.

Jaebum grinned, biting his lips as if holding in a secretive laugh.

“I had to look professional, y/n.”

You groaned internally. You hated it more when he said your name so freaking sexily.

You wanted to hear him say it again and again. Say it with other dirty words that would leave his sinful lips as he thrust into you, as he pulled your hair. Say it as you took your time devouring his cock, whimper it as you made him beg for his release. You wanted to hear him moan it as he captured your lips in his, and pushed you against the wall.

Suddenly the elevator started to feel hot; the metal box becoming too small.

You quickly reached for the button, pressing it to open on the next floor.

You turned your back towards him, facing the doors.

You core tightened, as heat rose to your face.

You couldn’t stop imaging. You couldn’t stop thinking all the things that could happen in this stupid small little metal box. You couldn’t stop thinking about how the cool metal would feel against your back, against your bare breast as he pushed you against them while he pounded into you from behind.

Oh god. You needed to get out. Now. You furiously pressed the button a few more times, before standing right.

And then the lights flickered, the machines groaned. The lights blinked off, and the elevator stopped.

This was a literal nightmare. This wasn’t real.

You had to be dreaming for sure. This was all a dream, had to be one.

“Y/n!” You heard Jaebum’s panicked voice. You found feel him swimming through the darkness, his arms flailing around trying to find you.

“I’m here,” you called, walking next to him.

You were worried, but it was nothing compared to the shaking body you collided into.

“Jaebum?” You grabbed his cold hands in yours. “Are you okay?”

He didn’t say anything, but you could feel him move.

“Okay,” you softly told him. “It’s okay, let's move backwards, okay? Until we hit the wall?”

He didn’t answer, but a disturbed meek left him, and you took that as a yes. Once your backs hit the wall, you began sliding down, bringing him down next to you.

Jaebum sat so close, his entire side was pressed against yours. He didn’t move away, but neither did you. You didn’t take your hand away from Jaebum gripped it as if his life depended on it.

You reached into your pocket, pulling out your phone. You turned on the flashlight and turned it towards Jaebum. He grunted, bringing a hand up to shield himself from the harsh light.

“Sorry,” you murmured, turning it to face the front. The light bounced off the shiny walls bringing in some light. “Are you better now?”

Jaebum nodded, and this time you could see.

“I need to press the emergency button,” you told him looking over at him. He just nodded, his eyes focusing on something, but his hands still grasping yours.

You slowly got up, still not talking your hand from his as you pressed the button. You had the ring for a few seconds, and then someone picked up.

“Hello?” you called, “We’re stuck in elevator 3.”

“We’re working on it,” the gruff voice replayed. “It won’t take long. How many are in the elevatory?”

“Just two people.”

“A'ight, wait a minute.” And then the line went dead and remained that way for almost twenty minutes.

“What’s taking those shitheads so fucking long?” Jaebum finally spoke breaking the silence that fell between you two. His hand still clutching yours. “You would expect a place like this to at least have a backup or faster services. But I guess not. Just a shithole company in this stupid place.”

He was talking nonsense. His words losing meaning as more angry and panicked words left him.

You gave his hand a little squeeze, and he stopped.

Jaebum turned to look at you, and you gave him a small smile.

His eyes that normally glistened with playfulness were glazed with fear and anxiety as he peered at you. He tried to give your smile back, but it came out as a nervous tightlipped look of panic.

“So, Im Jaebum,” you snorted lightly. Jaebum watched at you, his nervous eyes on you as if you were the only thing keeping him calm. And you were ready to bet that you were. “What’s your favourite season?”

“Really?” He snorted, the tiniest hint of his normal arrogance returning to his voice. “That’s what you want to talk about before we die?”

You bit back your laugh and shot him a glare.

“Summer,” he answered gruffly.

You nodded, humming “Summer.”

“You are someone who enjoys being happy.” Jaebum rolled his eyes at that. “You seek happiness, you like thinking back to good memories instead of bad ones. You don’t have many regrets and the ones you have don’t last for long because you rectify them as soon as you realise. You like being shown love, affection; the more you receive it, the more you thrive. You cherish friendship and loyalty above all, but not really because of the person. The person can change, but the memories you share with them is what keeps your loyalty going.”

Jaebum just snorted as he ran his free hand through his hair. The soft strands falling in all directions as he snickered at you, “Where’d you steal that from? Buzzfeed quizzes?”

“Hey!” You hit his arm in spite, a pout on your lips with full offence. “I came up with that myself! I have one for all seasons.”

Jaebum just laughed, and you tried your best to suppress the smile on your lips.

“What about the rest,” Jaebum asked after a long moment, “How would you describe the rest?”

“What you like is what you get,” you shrugged smugly.

“So what are you?” He asked, his eyes watching you intently.

“I’m Autumn,” your cheeks heated under his gaze. You prayed your blush was covered in the darkness. You gulped nervously when you felt him not look away. “And Heather! She’s a summer too.”

Jaebum hummed in reply, finally looking away.

“Okay, what’s your favourite number?” Jaebum asked.

“Two.”

“No! Don’t tell me! Do it again,” he groaned, making you chuckle at his silliness. You nodded, thinking of a number. “Okay now add two to it.”

You bit the inside of your cheeks to stop yourself from smiling like a complete idiot at how adorable he was being. You knew exactly what he was doing, but you didn’t have it in you to stop him when he sounded so eager.

“Okay, now minus it by the number you first thought of,” he told you watching you with a grin. You nodded, telling him you were done. “Add five, minus two.

“The number you are left with is,” he grinned at you, and this time you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling seeing his happiness. “Five!”

“Oh my god!” You faked, the smile not going anywhere. “How did you know?!”

“Magic,” he shrugged, smiling so proudly. But that smile didn’t last long as the elevator groaned and you felt it fall a bit. “Fuck.”

His hand was squeezing yours so tightly you were sure it will cut off your blood circulation, but you didn’t stop him. You held his hand back and watched him as he closed his eyes and leaned his head against the metal with a groan.

“Hey, Jaebum,” you called, making his shifty eyes look to you. “It’ll be okay. We’ll be fine-”

“My ass, fine,” he cut you off with panic. “We’re going to die here.”

“Come on,” you rolled your eyes, about to tell him he was overreacting when the elevator jerked down again. You yelped as you clung onto Jaebum, who wrapped his free arm around you tightly.

“I don’t want to die like this,” Jaebum moaned, his voice breaking. You closed your eyes as you gripped his jacket tighter. “There’s so much I want to do. I want to skydive.”

“You’ve already done that,” you told him, your eyes still shut tight.

“Oh right, I have,” he breathed. “Okay, then I guess I want to take you out on a date.”

“Jaebum,” you warned him, your voice low and tight. “We’re about to die, and you want to go down joking?”

“Well, you want to go down growling me,” he replied, his words hurried. “I’m not joking though, I want to. I really want to.”

“Why?” You almost yelled as the elevator dropped again.

“Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.” Jaebum chanted, his panic rising. You could feel his heat race underneath his jacket. You were sure yours was pounding just as hard and as fast as his. “I mean it. I really really want to. It’s all I’ve wanted to do since I saw you.”

“You are with Heather-AH!” The elevator dropped again, and tears filled your eyes.

“Okay. Okay. Okay,” you breathed, as you tried to calm yourself as tears burned your eyes. “If we’re being honest, I guess I do want to fuck you. But I wouldn’t want my last wish to be that-”

“Wait- what?” Jaebum broke you off, hope and surprise cutting through his nerves and panic. “You want to fuck me?”

You just nodded, about to tell him that it was just a last-minute shameful confession. It didn’t mean anything. You just wanted at least his last memories to be one that his arrogant self would enjoy, no matter how true they were.

The truth never hurt anyone anyways.

“I want to fuck you too.” Jaebum cried, holding you tighter, as the elevator went down again. “But I want to kiss you too, and take you out on a date.”

“What’s with you and dates?!” You cried back.

“I don’t know, but it’s just you,” Jaebum replied, his voice shaking. “You drive me crazy.”

You didn’t answer. You didn’t want to admit that he drove you crazy too. Even though he was with your best friend, even when he chose Heather over you, you wanted him so much it physically hurt you.

“When I was little I told my dad to die,” you said softly, as tears fell from your eyes. “I didn’t mean it, dad. I’m sorry. I love you. Oh god, please keep my family safe and keep everyone happy.”

“You’re scaring me!” Jaebum cried.

“Don’t you want the last wish?”

“I already told you!”

“Are you for real?!”

“Yes! Deadly!” Jaebum answered, heated. “I want to take you out on a date! Is that so hard to believe?”

“Well we can’t go on a date now, can we?” You answered, your voice edged with anger.

“What about my other wish?”

“You want to fuck me?! Right now?!”

“No!” Jaebum cried as the elevator fell. “A kiss; a goodbye kiss I guess now.”

You stilled. You could do that. You could do as much.

The intervals between each fall lessening and you were sure soon you’d be plummeting down the levels to your death in a mere few seconds.

“Okay,” you breathed, and Jaebum stilled. “One kiss.”

Jaebum moved away from you and looked at your face.

“I-” he choked, his throat bobbing, as he nervously gulped. His eyes shaking from fear of the looming death, but also from fear of this moment. “I don’t want to pressure you or anything- I can change my last wish.”

“I want to.” You told him, your gazing dropping to his lips. You nodded, “I want to.”

Jaebum swallowed nervously as he brought his shaking hands to your face. Your hands held onto his wrist as his fingers gently brushed your skin. You gazed into his eyes, and even in the darkness, you could see them sparkle in golden wonder.

His eyes searched yours for any sign of hesitation as he slowly bought his lips down to yours. You closed your eyes, feeling his warm sweet breath fall onto your lips. You weren’t sure if it was the foreboding death or his sweet gentle touch and closeness that were reasons for the butterflies in your stomach, but you had a good suspicion it was the latter.

Jaebum’s soft lips lightly touched yours, so carefully, so softly as if you’d break away into a million whispers if he was too hard. Your fingers wrapped into his palms as you pressed your lips against his.

You felt his lips open, about to capture yours in a soft sweet gentle kiss when a loud crash followed by a loud voice interrupted your dizzying mind.

You jerked away from him as blinding light fell into the elevator, and a shadow appeared as the doors opened.

“You’re alive!” The gruff voice yelled. “Are you alright?”

You remained shocked for a moment, before blinking back to your senses, “Yes!” Yes!”

“Alright, hold on a minute.”

It took ten more minutes to get the door opened and a ladder down to help you out.

You didn’t look at Jaebum.

You ignored the cold burning on your hand that Jaebum had been holding. You ignored the tingling of your lips, and the butterflies in your tummy, every time you thought of that whisper of a kiss.

You didn’t look at him when he climbed out behind you.

You watched the others and saw their faces pale when they saw him brush his jacket straight.

“Sir!” The gruff voice cried, almost bowing. You looked around saw all of them shake with fear. “I-”

The man couldn’t complete his sentence, as he shook in fear, his eyes low.

You turned back to Jaebum confused, “What’s the fuss?”

“Y/n!” You heard Naina call, before grabbing your elbow and pulling you away. You shot her a confused look, making her give you a horrified one in return. She pointed to the screen on the wall, and there you saw him.

Im Jaebum flashing on the screen, Director of Mediana Firm.

You turned back to Jaebum who gave you a cheeky wink. Your mouth fell open as Naina dragged you away.

“No way.” You muttered.

“Exactly! No way you got trapped with the new hot Director!” Naina cheered, her cheeks blushing for you. She giggled as you blinked processing everything.

“God,” you finally spoke, “I guess Pam wasn’t wrong this time.”

[fromthedeskofelizabeththird]

Habanero

You're a good girl, well behaved.

Absolutely not the type to rail random guys in nightclubs.

Until you are.

Fandom: BNHA

Pairing: Aizawa x Reader, Present Mic x Reader, a sprinkling of Erasermic and eventual polyamorous Erasermic x Reader

Rating: Mature, not smutty but it is a bit gory

Trigger Warnings: Blood and Gore, descriptions of physical violence, nothing worse than on the show, but it’s there all the same. Also some Shirakumo related spoilers. 

AO3: Here | Want to support me? I have a Kofi

Chapter: 13/16 (all chapters)

16-ISH YEARS AGO

“This is a terrible idea, just so you know.”

Shouta hugged his arms around his body, turning to look at the path behind him. His eyes were still growing accustomed to the dark and he had been almost entirely reliant on Shirakumo and Hizashi to guide him through the undergrowth, along a path tucked away by several layers of branches.

He had no idea where they were going, only that it was long after curfew.

“You worry too much,” said Hizashi. “Trust me, it’ll be worth it!”

Shouta pursed his lips together, more than a little conscious of how new he was to class 1-A. More specifically, how any wrong move could realistically end in him being returned to general studies.

He hadn’t wanted to go to the summer training camp, but ultimately the pros far outweighed the cons. Sure, he’d have to eat bad curry and share a room with students he barely knew, but missing out on the opportunity to master his quirk wasn’t something to be taken lightly. His presence there alone was a test, unofficially or not.

He had been exhausted when he finally rested his head, only to spend hours staring at the ceiling. In a matter of hours, he would have to push himself harder than ever and that knowledge alone made him nervous. He hadn’t been able to sleep the night before either, instead stealing glances at the packed bag by his bedroom door. The more he tried to sleep, the more nervous he got, a vicious cycle he knew all too well.

He was still awake at light’s out; still awake when the majority of the other guys tucked themselves into bed and began to snore. He was still awake when Shirakumo and Yamada got up to leave.

He knew them from class, of course. If he had to label them anything, and was loath to do so, they were the closest thing he had to friends on the hero course. Yamada had offered up one of his earphones on the bus ride over to show him the song he’d been obsessed with, while Shirakumo frowned into the other. Shirakumo had nudged Shouta with a wink before dropping so many chilli flakes into the curry that it shone an angry shade of red. Shouta had no idea what his ultimate goal had been, only that the two members of class 1-A who finished their dinner did it on a dare.

Shouta knew they were up to no good the second he saw them tiptoeing across the room, dodging the arms and legs of their sleeping classmates. Whatever they were up to would almost certainly get him into trouble if caught. Even so, he followed them when they motioned for him to.

“We found it earlier,” said Shirakumo, crouching down beside a fallen tree and linking his hands to give Yamada a boost over the top.

Yamada whined as he climbed up and slid down onto the other side, far from pleased at having to touch the tree bark in so little light. Shirakumo turned to him and held out his hands, leaving Shouta grateful for the darkness. In this light, no one could see him blush.

He set his foot down into Shirakumo’s hands and put a hand on his shoulder for balance. He took a deep breath as Shirakumo boosted him, planting both hands down on the damp bark and pulling himself up. He was still much slower than they were, regardless of how long he spent running laps or doing pull ups. He landed on the other side without any sort of grace, stumbling on his ankle and grazing his hands across the floor. In any other setting it would have hurt, but the grass was soft and incredibly forgiving.

“Man,” said Yamada, who was still checking himself for bugs, “I’m going to itch for a week.”

“You’ll be fine,” said Shirakumo, landing softly. “C’mon, it’s this way!”

He raced on ahead, no longer concerned about waking up any of the professors. Shouta turned to Yamada, who grinned back and reached for his hand.

“C’mon!”

He squeezed tightly and followed suit, Shouta trailing behind and staring at their linked hands. It was so intimate and yet so casual and he didn’t know what to do.

Thankfully, he didn’t have to think about it for long, as they reached a gap in the trees and Yamada let him go. Shouta stumbled to a stop, jaw dropping as he took in their new surroundings.

They had arrived at the base of a waterfall, its waters twinkling in a near perfect imitation of the stars overhead. He didn’t know what he’d expected, but it definitely wasn’t this.

Yamada and Shirakumo weren’t nearly as overwhelmed as he was, already in the process of settling down on the grass. Shouta followed suit, wishing he had a dozen or more heads just to take in every detail.

“It’s good, right?!” Shirakumo said as he and Yamada flopped back into the grass.

Shouta laid back far more slowly, taking care to listen to the whisper of the water and cool night breeze. He made sure to smell the flowers that crowned their heads.

“I…” he said, closing his eyes.

He wanted to say it was beautiful, that he was happy they had shared this secret with him.

He wanted to say how grateful he was to have such welcoming classmates who hadn’t hesitated to welcome him into their class.

In the end, though, he merely shrugged.

“It’s okay.”

~~~~

PRESENT

“What do you mean you can’t come? I need you to chaperone the girls.”

“Eraser, be more sympathetic,” wailed Nemuri. “I’ve never had such bad cramps before! I feel like I’ve swallowed a chainsaw.”

Shouta leaned against the bus, rubbing his temples and toeing the gravel.

He had hated summer training camps as a teenager and he definitely hated them now.

Shouta was sick of planning the summer camp. He was tired of so much as hearing about it. It was necessary, he knew that, but this one seemed to have been doomed from the beginning.

The last thing he needed was to have to replace a chaperone at the last minute, especially so early on into summer vacation.

“You’ll be fine,” he said. “Just take an aspirin.”

“I don't have any!”

“I do. Now hurry up, we’re leaving soon.”

He hung up before she could protest, only for his phone to start ringing again almost immediately.

“I already organised a replacement,” said Nemuri the moment he picked up. “A little last minute, but she’s definitely qualified!”

“What are you tal-“

He never got the chance to reply, for you strolled around the corner, rucksack strapped to your back and sunglasses perched on top of your head. You waved the moment you saw him and came rushing over, completely oblivious to the conflict playing out in front of you.

“I’ll call you back,” he said, hanging up on Nemuri for a second time.

She had a point and he knew it. You were the only member of the faculty who didn’t have lessons to plan and papers to grade. Even so, it made him nervous and he told himself it had nothing at all to do with the cutoffs you had on.

“(Name),” he said, “you…”

“Did you speak to Nemuri? Is she okay?”

Shouta slipped his phone back into his pocket, wondering exactly how much she had told you.

“She’ll be fine,” he said. “I’m sorry to put you out like this.”

“No, no,” you said, waving away his concerns, “I was already packed for Yamanashi. It’s not putting me out at all!”

It was just like you and he sighed, cursing Nemuri. He wanted to tell you to go home, but he didn’t know who else he could call in on such short notice and, given the current climate, it was important to keep as few people in the know about where you were going as humanly possible. Even if he called Recovery Girl or Thirteen, it was unlikely either of them would be packed and ready on time and he didn’t like the idea of having them arrive at the camp later, putting more vehicles on the road for the League of Villains to follow.

“We’re taking separate routes,” he said, against his better judgement. “You should travel with 1-B. They’re taking the shorter path.”

He pointed out the second bus, where Vlad was checking over his student rosters.

“Okay,” you said with a wide smile, “I’ll go and tell him about the change of plans.”

He watched as you left, all but bouncing on your heels. He knew you hadn’t experienced much close contact with heroes until recently and your excitement was only natural. Even so, he had a bad feeling about bringing you along, one that he wouldn’t put his finger on until it was too late.

~~~~

Your friends had laughed at you for packing your bags so early. The trip to Yamanashi was weeks away and you had more free time than usual thanks to summer break. Nemuri’s early morning phone call was satisfying in more ways than one. You didn’t need to worry about buying bug spray or picking out walking shoes. All you had to do was throw on some clothes and grab your bag on the way out.

You spent the bus ride turning the pages of a suspense novel, so absorbed in the action that you barely noticed where you were going or how much time had passed. You were almost a quarter of the way through when the bus finally came to a stop and the students pushed their faces to the windows.

“Everyone, calm down,” said Vlad, “back in your seats. You’ll have plenty of time to explore later.”

They groaned, but obeyed, prompting you to giggle and slip a bookmark between the pages of your novel. You were used to dealing with the chaos of 1-A. It was almost a relief to spend time with 1-B.

You and Vlad were the first ones off the bus and you gazed in awe at your forest surroundings. There were trees and mountains as far as the eye could see, wild and unapologetically untamed. You turned on the spot, wishing you could see everything all at once, only to find yourself on the receiving end of a bone breaking handshake.

“Good morning, good morning,” said the stranger. “Welcome to The Beast’s Forest.”

You took in the stranger’s enormous form; his broad shoulders and kitten paw gloves.

“I...um...thank you…”

“The Wild Wild Pussycats are helping us out with the training camp this year,” said Vlad, taking a moment to look away as the students filed off the bus. “Thank you for your hospitality.”

“It’s our pleasure,” said the stranger. “I’m Tiger and this is Ragdoll!”

He gestured to the woman beside him, who had on a matching set of kitten paw gloves.

“Pleased to meet you,” she cried out, hopping on the spot. “We’re so happy you chose to come here and train with us!”

“We’ll show you to your rooms,” followed up Tiger.

“1-B,” said Vlad, turning to the students, who by then had started to huddle round you. “Grab your things and get ready to unpack. We have a lot to do today, so no goofing off!”

~~~~

After everyone had unpacked, Vlad and Ragdoll left to take the students on a short hike. You stayed behind to help Tiger prepare dinner, as well as to help the girls from 1-A unpack and settle in once they finally arrived.

By all accounts it didn’t make sense. 1-A had set off before you, yet still hadn’t arrived. You thought about it as you washed and peeled vegetables, wondering if Shouta had done so deliberately as part of a training exercise.

They trailed out of the forest and through the doors at sundown, filthy, exhausted and starving.

“What on earth happened?” you asked, guiding them to the dorms while Pixie Bob and Mandalay finished up the food.

You didn’t get much of an answer, just whimpers of despair.

You watched as they trailed into their room, dragging their legs and clutching their hands over their stomachs, wondering what kinds of tortures they had endured in the forest.

As expected of UA , you considered. This isn’t even day one.

~~~~~~~

After dinner, the students took a dip in the hot springs and retired to bed, exhausted from the day’s events and anticipating an early start. You checked in on them before leaving the dorms, meaning to explore the grounds a little. You weren’t sure how much time you would have to yourself once the training actually started and wanted to make the most of it.

You couldn’t remember the last time you had taken a break outside of the city. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d been away from the city at all. Akira had always promised that one day you would take a week away in a cabin somewhere, though he had always been too busy for one reason or another to follow through. You had told yourself you thrived in the city, but the peaceful night air was proof enough of how wrong you had been.

The air was clean here; the silence broken only by the cry of cicadas in the distance. You had never seen the stars so clearly before and, now that they glimmered above you, you never wanted to stop looking at them.

At that moment, all you could think about was Hizashi. You remembered how it had felt to explore Musutafu with his hand in yours, so caught up in the beauty of your surroundings that you forgot how it felt to be sad.

What movie are we in?

You pulled your phone from your pocket and scrolled through your own songs as you walked, following the dirt path to an exposed area of grass framed by trees. You gave each tree an appraising look, trying to figure out which one would give you the best view, only to flop down in the middle and gaze up at the sky. You had never seen such a clear view of the summer triangle before: Orihime and Hikoboshi reunited in the stars.

Their story had always been one of your favourites, which proved fortunate, as it was your mother’s favourite too. She liked to sit you and your brother down and recite the story of the beautiful princess and her humble lover as a cautionary tale, meant to remind you of the importance of contributing to society, as opposed to childish fleets of fancy. Your brother, ever the dutiful son, had nodded along to her words and condemned the lovers for their passion, but you had always been something of a romantic. You often slipped up and said how happy you were that the lovers were reunited, to which your mother would pinch your cheeks. She liked to remind you that they would not have been separated in the first place if they hadn’t been selfish, nor would they have been reunited without the generosity of Orihime’s father.

Your mother was the only person you had ever met who spent Tanabata wishing for a rainstorm.

You hadn’t talked to either of your parents for well over a year. You hadn’t told them about the break up, nor mentioned your change in career. You weren’t naive enough to think they didn’t know. Your brother was still the obedient one and had texted you on the night of the USJ incident.

You wondered what your mother would say if she saw you now; if she knew Akira proposed to you and you had turned him down. She would probably faint if she knew you had slept with two of your coworkers, one of which had been a complete stranger at the time.

You gazed up at the sky and the summer triangle, finally understanding that you had always wished for Orihime’s happiness because you saw yourself in her. Perhaps your mother did too and that was why she pinched your cheeks so much.

You reached up to touch your own cheek and smiled, thinking of Hizashi and Shouta.

Hizashi was just as much of a romantic as you were and Shouta’s passions ran deeper than you’d ever presume to understand.

You couldn’t choose between them and never wanted to.

You were ready to be selfish and chase the stars.

~~~~

You weren’t the only one watching the stars that night.

Shouta perched in the branches of a tall tree several feet away, hiding in the summer foliage and watching the dorms for any signs of students breaking curfew. The irony wasn’t lost on him.

He had reached for his capture weapon the moment he heard the front door, only to loosen his grip when he saw who was coming.

He had watched you lay down in the grass to watch the stars; had watched you reach out to touch your cheek. He was reminded of a different summer camp at a different time; a time when he too laid his head in the grass to look up at the sky.

He lifted his hand and examined it in the moonlight. This was the hand that Hizashi had taken all of that time ago and, even though the skin had hardened and formed calluses, still tingled at the memory. He could jump fallen trees faster than Hizashi now; could navigate the dark without even trying. Even so, he still thought of hands in his and didn’t know what to do.

He wanted to go back to the waterfall from all those summers ago; wanted to link his hand in Hizashi’s again and lay back to watch the stars with your lap for a pillow.

He wanted to tell you that you were beautiful; that if anyone was to make him feel so illogical, he was glad it was you.

The more things changed, though, the more they stayed the same. He touched his fingers to his lips, tracing the spaces you had kissed even as you got back up to your feet and headed to the dorms, an expression of determination on your face.

He wanted to go after you, but his legs wouldn’t move.

He wanted to whisper the truth of his complicated feelings in your ear, but couldn’t say a word.

He was taller and stronger, yet still no different to the boy from all of those years ago. Now, just like then, he told himself that you were better off not knowing; that one day he would be brave enough to say his feelings out loud, but it wasn’t this one.

He had no idea how far the parallels ran. Now, just like then, he was running out of time.

~~~~~~

On a day to day basis, Vlad didn’t spend too much time with Aizawa or the students of 1-A. He definitely didn’t spend much time with you . 1-B hadn’t experienced as many traumas as 1-A. The only motivation he might have had to stop by your office unexpectedly was to make conversation, though you always seemed to be busy whenever he passed. When you weren’t chatting with students or rearranging the notice board outside of your office, you were chatting with Kayama and Yamada and sometimes even Aizawa.

He had been surprised when you came over to him the previous morning, sheepishly admitting that you had come to join them in Midnight’s stead, but he hadn’t questioned it.

The night before, though, he had definitely started to question some things.

He had drifted out of sleep to the sound of a soft tapping outside of his bedroom door. It was too faint to be his own door, though the idea that it might be a student bothered him. He got up and opened his own door by a sliver and peered out into the darkness.

Aizawa’s room was a little further down the corridor and you were standing in front of it, softly tapping at the wood and shifting on the spot.

“Everything okay?” he had asked, prompting you to jump in surprise.

“I...I um,” you had said, glancing from him to Aizawa’s door. “Everything’s fine, I just needed to…”

You had waved almost frantically, a blush peppering your cheeks.

“It’s nothing...I’m sorry I disturbed you!”

He had watched you scurry out of the men’s dorms, chancing glances over your shoulder at him and shooting awkward smiles.

It was strange to say the least, and he wondered about it long into the night. It still played on his mind as he took a seat at the breakfast table. The students were still in the process of getting up and only you, Aizawa and Vlad himself were around, helping yourselves to bowls of rice and cups of coffee. Vlad picked at his own food, still curious about the night before. He watched as you shot second and third glances at Aizawa, visibly gathering your nerves. He saw you get to your feet the second Aizawa did and follow him to the buffet table. He listened in as you began to speak in nervous whispers.

“Shouta,” you whispered, glancing over your shoulder, “I need to talk to you.”

“You’re talking to me now.”

“I mean...I need to talk to you... alone .”

Vlad dropped his gaze as you looked in his direction and shovelled food into his mouth to disguise the fact that he had been eavesdropping.

“Are you sick?”

“No.”

“Are the students okay?”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” said Aizawa, lowering his cup. “We can talk about it later.”

“But…”

“Later.”

Aizawa left you at the breakfast buffet with no further room for argument, slipping back down into his seat on Vlad’s left as if nothing had happened. You followed, flopping down into your own seat on Vlad’s right, all three of you eating in silence. Vlad’s eyes darted from his left to his right, as intrigued by this new development as he was annoyed.

~~~~~

“It’s okay, deep breaths, deep breaths!”

You patted Uraraka on the back, holding her hair back from her face as she wretched. She clasped her hands over her mouth, self conscious about throwing up in front of her classmates, but too wobbly on her feet to reach the portable toilet nearby.

“Come on,” you said, easing her arm over your shoulders and guiding her to her feet. “Slow steps.”

You guided her to the toilet, only letting go as she shut the door behind her and taking the chance to look around at your surroundings. The sun was up and training well underway. 1-A and 1-B had been assigned individual training exercises to improve their quirks and the result was organised chaos.

You didn’t have any sort of combat training, so settled for weaving your way through the crowds, offering up sips of water, pats to the back and encouraging words. It was something, at least, and gave you ample opportunities to try and get Shouta alone.

You had decided to tell him everything, from your night with Hizashi to your realisations about yourself and your own feelings. You had to be honest with him, even if it meant being rejected. You knew he had some kind of feelings for you. You knew that he wanted you on some level. You needed him to see your side of things, though so far had been unsuccessful. Every time you got closer, he found somewhere else to be.

It was disheartening, to say the least. You wondered if telling him the truth was a mistake, though shrugged off the idea almost immediately. If you never told him the truth, you’d never know his reaction.

You knew that the moment you returned home, back to your house and regular job, you would lose all of your confidence. You’d not only go back to your regular bed, but your regular demons as well.

You thought you knew better than anyone that you were running out of time and the clock was ticking, but had no idea that the end was much sooner than you thought.

You thought you had until the end of the week.

In reality, you had about 36 hours.

35:48:32

~~~~

23:59:47

“So what’s the story with you and Eraserhead?”

Your eyes bulged.

“W-what do you mean?”

You switched off the showerhead and turned back towards the onsen, realising too late that you were on the receiving end of not one but three sets of eyes.

You had tried to get Shouta’s attention again at dinner, but he had announced plans for extra lessons with the underperformers in his class. Whatever it was you had to say to him could wait until later.

You had been more than a little depressed at this development, though nowhere near as upset as Kaminari and Ashido, both of whom had begged for you to rescue them.  

You must have looked unhappy as you stepped outside, for you were almost immediately jumped by Pixie Bob, Ragdoll and Mandalay, who invited you to take a soak in the hot springs with them. Maybe it was the prospect of girl talk or the fact that they reminded you so much of your own trio of girlfriends, but you took them up on it.

You hadn't expected them to ask your love life so directly.

“I...I...uh…haha, Eraserhead? Eraserhead and me?”

They grinned at that and you didn’t blame them. In their position you wouldn’t have been convinced either.

You sighed, setting aside the showerhead and getting to your feet.

“We had sex,” you said, sinking into the water. “Twice.”

“I knew it,” said Pixie Bob, nudging Mandalay. “See? I told you. I always know when people are sleeping together.”

“Oh, we’re not sleeping together anym-“

“But you’d like to?!” Ragdoll asked, tilting her head to one side.

“I…I…”

“It’s like a sixth sense,” Pixie Bob continued, seeming not to notice. “A second quirk, if you will.”

“ Sure going to come in handy during a rescue mission,” sighed Mandalay.

“Don’t be so dismissive! We could...I could,” Pixie Bob scratched her chin until inspiration struck. “If someone had heavy blood loss, I could ask their lover for their blood type!”

“What kind of guys have you been hooking up with? Vampires?”

Pixie Bob looked offended at the very idea, though Ragdoll only smiled.

“Does Eraserhead know your blood type, (Name)?” she asked, returning you to the center of attention.

“Honestly? Probably.”

It wouldn’t surprise you, all things considered. You were still convinced he’d read your staff dossier during your first few weeks at UA.

“See,” said Pixie Bob. “Sixth sense. Incredibly useful.”

Mandalay sighed and rubbed her temples.

“You must think we’re crazy.”

“I work for UA,” you laughed, “I can handle crazy.”

“I’m sure you can,” said Pixie Bob, with a suggestive wiggle of her eyebrows that made Mandalay groan. “Seriously, though, what’s the story with you two? How’d you end up... knowing each other’s blood types?”

You weighed up the pros and cons of telling them, before ultimately throwing caution to the wind. You hadn’t even gotten around to telling your friends the full story, much less about your intentions to confess to Shouta. Hizashi and Nemuri didn’t know about the night at Ego ; it had always seemed inappropriate to tell them.

It was a relief to finally have the whole story off your chest and, for the first time since your arrival, all three of the Pussycats were silent, all pondering the same thing.

It was Mandalay who spoke first.

“We’ll help.”

“H-huh?!”

“Yes,” said Ragdoll, giggling with glee. “We’ll take care of everything. ”

To their credit, they really did have everything worked out.

The following evening, once training was complete, they planned to host a ghost walk, pitting class A against class B. While the walk took place, the teachers would host remedial classes with their underperforming students, just as they were doing now.

Unbeknownst to any of the students, however, they also planned to have a barbecue once the ghost walk was finished. Both Vlad and Shouta had agreed to take a break from the remedial classes around that time in the hopes of restoring the morale of the underperformers, giving them at least one good memory of summer camp.

While the students gathered around the campfire, the Pussycats would send you and Shouta back into the woods to double check all of them had returned. It was the perfect opportunity to have a private conversation and you could hardly wait.

You returned to your room on a high, both so anxious and excited that you could barely concentrate on your book.

Your fingers trembled. You wondered what you would say. You had originally planned to make it up as you went along, but having a deadline gave you more of an incentive to think it through.

You rested your head against your pillows and laid your book down on your chest.

You had a feeling the next day was going to be eventful, though had no idea how right you really were.

~~~~

17:30:24

Remedial classes went about as well as was to be expected. By the time he escorted them back to the dorms, they were in varying states of despair.

“Don’t look so sad,” he said, “it takes dedication to be heroes. If you fall apart at every hurdle, your career won’t last very long.”

He dropped Mina off at the girls’ dorms last of all, waiting for her to close the door behind her before continuing up the corridor and back out towards the entrance. He paused midway, noticing that your bedroom door was open by a sliver and the light still on.

He remembered what you had said to him at breakfast; how nervous you had been. He felt a little guilty for keeping his distance, but had a feeling whatever it was you had to say to him was something that would require one hundred percent of his attention and time, which at that moment he was unable to give.

He knocked at your door before stepping inside, a soft smile creeping across his face at what greeted him. You had fallen asleep reading, a book resting over your face and cell phone in your hand. He could hear you snoring underneath it and took a couple of silent steps forward, just until he was close enough to pick up the front and back covers between his thumb and forefingers and peel it off your face. He slipped your bookmark between the pages and rested the book down on your bedside table, finally reaching across to try and slip the phone out from your hand.

You had starfished your body across the bed and it wasn’t difficult to loosen your grip on the phone. For one nerve wracking second, Shouta thought he’d woken you, for you crumpled up your face and rolled over onto your side to face him, murmuring in your sleep.

“...fair,” you said. “Sh...fair.”

He looked down at the hand closest to him, palm upwards across the bed. His own fingers twitched at the sight. He remembered how it had felt to hold your hand at Ego ; how you had trembled as you followed him through the club. At the time he had dismissed it as excitement, but now that he knew you better he understood it was nerves.

“Shouta,” you murmured, eyes closed and words slurred from sleep.

“I’m here,” he said, putting your phone down on top of your book.

“Sh…” you said again. “...un.”

He pulled the blanket across your body and you snuggled into it, a peaceful smile breaking out across your face. He wanted so badly to wake you up, but couldn't bring himself to. He knew he’d regret it later, though had no idea how much.

“Sleep tight,” he said, stepping back out of your room and switching off the light.

He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked back towards the entrance, oblivious to the fact that he was being watched.

Mina Ashido had gone into the washroom to brush her teeth and comb her hair and noticed your open door on the way back. Initially she had wandered over to wish you goodnight, but froze on the spot when she saw Aizawa tucking you in.

She clasped her hands over her mouth as he walked out of the door, pressing herself against the corner of the wall to remain out of sight. She was curious, yes, but not so curious that she was willing to risk even more remedial classes.

She rushed into the girls’ dorm room the moment he was gone and slammed the door shut behind her.

“Everyone,” she hissed, as the others groaned and rubbed their eyes, far from impressed at the early morning interruption. “Wake up! You’re not going to believe this!”

~~~~~~

14:42:45

“I don’t believe you.”

“I know what I saw!”

News of your late night interlude with Aizawa was the talk of the 1-A breakfast table, even if everyone was divided. While Aizawa’s presence in your room definitely raised questions, there was no evidence it had been anything other than innocent. Mina had seen him tucking you into bed and nothing more, leaving the events of that night up to personal interpretation, of which there were many.

“I’m telling you,” said Mina, “he was smiling . It was weird.”

“She could have told him a really good joke,” shrugged Kaminari.

“In her sleep ?”

“Remember that time I told Professor Aizawa a knock knock joke?” Sero said, grimly. “He made me do laps.”

“It was a pretty bad joke,” chuckled Tsuyu.

“You’re all wrong,” said Hagakure. “She’s dating Present Mic!”

“Present Mic?” said Uraraka, sounding more than a little confused.

“They do seem to get along well on his radio show,” said Deku. “That doesn’t mean they’re a couple, though.”

“Maybe she’s dating both of them,” shrugged Kirishima, to which everyone began to chatter in uproar.

“In any case,” said Iida, bellowing over everyone as he lowered his orange juice, “it’s inappropriate to speculate on the private lives of our teachers.”

“But that’s what makes it fun ,” said Mina, who was more than a little put out that people still didn’t believe her.

She glanced over at the teacher’s table, where you and the Pussycats were deep in discussion and Aizawa and Vlad compared notes on their lesson planning.

She knew what she had seen, but had no idea how to prove it.

~~~~~

1:24:21

The third day of training passed just as quickly as the first. You rushed around the grounds, handing over bottles of water and offering words of reassurance. It felt like a workout even though you weren’t the one training and you breathed a sigh of relief when it finally came to a close.

You mopped your brow and peered out over the horizon, taking in the golden sunset.

It was almost time.

~~~~~

00:24:12

Shouta...I’ve been thinking…

We need to be honest with ourselves. You aren’t Hizashi and Hizashi’s not you. You aren’t each other’s substitute and it’s unfair to everyone to pretend you are.

You frowned as you took a sip of soda.

You’d been lost in thought ever since you’d arrived at the midpoint with Ragdoll, going over and over everything you wanted to say to Shouta. In many respects you felt guilty, for you knew you weren’t paying as much attention to the ghost walk as you should.

You didn’t notice the thump of heavy footsteps nearby until Ragdoll herself hopped to her feet to listen.

“What...is that…”

“Is it a student?”

Ragdoll squinted and moved closer to the trees. The footsteps had slowed, but were still audible in the distance. You got up yourself, but she motioned for you to stay where you were.

“I’m sure it’s nothing,” she said with a smile. “Maybe Pixie Bob made one of her earth creatures for extra scares.”

She walked towards the trees, disappearing into the shadows and out of sight. It made you nervous, though you didn’t know why. You tapped your foot against the ground and chewed your bottom lip, listening as both Ragdoll’s footsteps and the heavy ones fell silent.

It lasted only for a second, though it felt like years. You reached for the satchel of extra gear the two of you had packed and rummaged inside of it for a torch. You knew you shouldn’t leave your post, but you wanted to feel just a little safer.

“R-Ragdoll?” you called out, fiddling with the switch. “Are you-“

The footsteps started again and you froze in place, watching as something emerged from the trees. You dropped the torch and it flashed on when it hit the ground, illuminating the enormous creature stumbling towards you.

Your heart froze in your chest and you took a step backwards, insides turning to water.

You recognised this sort of creature from Tsukauchi’s investigation of the events of USJ, though had only ever seen them in photos. You shivered as you took in its exposed brain and dead, fishlike eyes, watching helplessly as Ragdoll thrashed in its grip.

“Get out of here, (Name),” she called out, the creature squeezing her body until the radio fell from her head. “Tell the others!”

You knew that you should obey her, but you were frozen to the spot, unable to do anything but watch as two other figures emerged from the trees. One was a young man with a patchworked face; the other wore a black and white costume that hid any identifying features from view.

The man with the patchworked face glanced from the creature to you, examining you from head to toe as if coming to a decision.

“Hmmm,” he said. “You aren’t on the list.”

You had no idea what list he was talking about, nor why you weren’t on it. You wondered if he was talking about the list of attendees to the summer camp, though prayed you were wrong. The camp’s location was a secret, or rather, was supposed to be one.

“Run!” Ragdoll screamed again and this time you obeyed, sprinting away along the dirt track and back towards camp.

The patchwork-faced man turned languidly to face his companion and shrugged.

“Twice,” he said, “make a copy. We can’t have her alert the others.”

“Right away! Just leave it to me!”

“Honestly, we only just got here and already you’re telling me what to do.”

You glanced over your shoulder just in time to see two identical men with patchwork faces, one of which was beginning to follow you.

Shit, shit, shit.

You ran away, reaching into your pocket for your phone. You needed to warn the others, you needed to-

Shit

You stumbled over an uneven spot in the floor, phone soaring out of your hand and into the trees as your mouth filled with blood.

You rolled over onto your back and crawled over to reach for it, though the tumble had slowed you down significantly. The second patchwork man strolled towards you at a leisurely pace as if you hadn’t bothered to run from him at all. You pushed yourself up onto your feet, but your ankle throbbed and caved in, leaving you crashing back to the ground.

“Ow,” you muttered, shuffling back towards the trees and out of danger, though not remotely fast enough to get away.

“They said I’m not s’posed to hurt you,” he said, taking a step closer, “just scare you a little.”

He smirked, taking in your burst lip and grazed knees; your frantic rummaging through the bag of supplies.

“Looks like my job’s already been done for m-“

He inched backwards as you dragged out the thing you’d been looking for: a flare gun, packed in case of emergencies. It was harmless, of course, but in the darkness looked just like the real thing.

“Tell me,” you said, “are you a clone?”

He raised his hands in mock surrender, conflict visibly playing out across his face at the activation of your quirk.

“I am,” he said.

“Tell me,” you said again, far more forcefully, “do you share memories? Will you both remember this conversation?”

“I share his memories. He doesn't share mine.”

You didn’t know if the clone shared the original’s quirk as well as his memories and were more than a little aware that you only had a short window before he figured out you weren’t holding a real gun.

“ Tell me ,” you said. “Where is the league of villains? Where do they gather?”

He squeezed his hands together, blue flames rippling across his skin as he recited an address. You committed it to memory and then pulled the trigger, limping off into the trees as he dodged the red sparks.

You limped as fast as your legs would carry you, finally collapsing behind a tree to catch your breath. You reached for your phone with shaking hands, writing out the address in a message to Shouta and cursing under your breath when it failed to send.  

“Come on, come on, come on,” you said, tapping ‘resend’ over and over to no avail. You had to warn them, had to tell them.

You gave up on sending the message and used the tree as a guide to get back up onto your feet, wincing as almost every inch of your body ached in protest.

Come on , you willed yourself. Come on, (Name), you can do this.

You weren’t a hero, but none of the kids were yet. You had joined UA to guide and protect them and cuts and bruises didn’t change that obligation.

You froze in place at the sound of footsteps, clapping a hand over your nose and mouth, eyes darting around at your surroundings. The trees swayed in the evening breeze, the stars shone brightly overhead, seemingly oblivious to what was happening within the forest. You squeezed your eyes shut, heart pounding and skin clammy.

Why had the villains come here?

What was their goal?

You wished you had asked the patchwork faced man while you still had a chance.

The footsteps faded, their owner retreating in the opposite direction. You breathed a steady sigh of relief and peeped out behind you at the path you would need to take to get back to the main path. It would probably be faster to go through the woodland and you turned back to get your bearings, heart stopping as you found yourself looking into the mouth of another stranger, one who was currently dangling from the branch above you and grinning widely, revealing a set of shining teeth.

“M...meat,” he said, dropping to the floor and leaning back, one of his canines stretching from his mouth and slicing open your arm. “Fresh meat.”

You knew this villain. You remembered his court case; your father led the prosecution and landed him on death row.

Moonfish

You remembered going for coffee with your brother, who at the time was interning at your father’s law firm. It was his first real case and it affected him deeply. He refused to talk about it, even now that years had passed.

After seeing the villain in the flesh, you thought you understood why. He moved with inhuman dexterity, landing in front of you before you could so much as move.

You saw the blade coming. You heard it pierce the tree.

You didn’t, however, feel it go through your body, not until he jerked his head back in an attempt to free his tooth from the tree bark. You screamed in pain, the wound burning every time he moved.

“Show me,” he said, yanking his head, “show me how you look on the inside.”

His tooth snapped and he stumbled backwards, leaving you to flop forward, blood soaking through your shirt.

“Show me,” said Moonfish, stumbling forwards. “Let me taste your flesh.”

You opened your mouth to protest, ears ringing.

You didn’t know what you meant to say to him, only that you never got the chance. He stepped forwards to land the finishing blow, only to hear a noise in the distance. You heard it, too, eyes bulging in realisation.

The students still didn’t know about the attack and were continuing on the ghost walk. A pair of them were nearby, discussing the possible tactics of 1-B.

You searched your brain for the order, though struggling to settle on a single thought, skin prickling as Moonfish retracted his teeth and disappeared into the night, far more interested in a different sort of prey.

You tried to move, only to cry out in pain. The broken tooth seemed to have gone right through not only you, but the tree. If you tried to pull it out, you would almost certainly bleed to death far faster, but if you stayed there it wouldn’t just be you who bled.

You snatched up your phone and frantically dialled everyone in your phone book, blood soaking through your shirt and shorts.

You dialled Shouta to no avail.

You dialled Hizashi, who was in the middle of recording his radio show.

You dialled Nemuri, who was filming an interview on a late night television show.

“Someone,” you murmured, vision going dark and limbs going floppy. “Someone…”

You looked up towards the sky, taking in the bright stars with a bitter smile.

You knew it was impossible, and she was far away, but you could feel your mother pinching your cheeks.

~~~~~

00:05:20

Of all of the heroes in all of the world, Eraserhead was perhaps the most mysterious. What few people knew of his existence knew even less about the man. He was a shadow, venturing out of the darkness only to ambush would be criminals and vanish just as quickly as he came.

He worked best after dark where he could travel unseen. Ironic, therefore, that on this night in particular he stumbled over his feet. He sprinted through the undergrowth, phone pressed to his ear.

Hello, this is (Name). I’m not around at the moment, please leave a message!

“Come on,” he hissed, coming to an abrupt halt and dialling again.

Shouta glanced around at his surroundings, entirely in his element, yet powerless to act.

After returning Kota to the lodge, his phone had exploded with missed calls and messages.

“What is it?” Vlad had asked, noticing the blood drain from his face.

“I’m forwarding an address,” he said, copying one of your messages. “Pass it onto the police when they get here.”

“An address? What-”

“Just pass it onto them! It’s important!”

He had no idea why it was important, of course, only that you wouldn’t have sent it to him so many times if it wasn’t.

Your phone went through to voicemail again and he swore under his breath,

“Idiot,” he hissed. “What did I tell you about facing unknown villains?”

He remembered the night you got him with pepper spray.

Why would you try and confront a villain without help? You could have gotten yourself killed.

“You better not have done anything stupid,” he said, dialling your number again to distract himself from the fact that if you had gotten that information by using your quirk, you must have gotten close to a villain.

“Over here!” Tiger yelled nearby. Shouta followed the sound of his voice, arriving at what had previously been the midpoint.

His ears began to ring when he saw what remained of it: an abandoned table, soaked with blood, an abandoned torch flickering on the ground.

“This...this is Ragdoll’s radio,” said Tiger, lifting it up from the floor. “Oh my god…this...this is blood!”

“This blood’s cold,” said Shouta, dipping his pinky finger into it and glancing across at the radio in Tiger’s hands, “most likely hers.”

“There’s so much,” said Tiger, voice breaking, “that idiot...her quirk isn’t suitable for combat. She knows that.”

Shouta crouched down to pick up the abandoned torch.

“There’s no blood on this,” he said, turning it over in his hands. “Whoever dropped it wasn’t injured.” He fiddled with the on switch and turned to face the table, where Tiger had picked up Ragdoll’s abandoned radio. “They were frightened, though.”

“(Name),” said Tiger, picking up his train of thought. “Ragdoll...she must have told her to run.”

Shouta cursed and followed the dirt track, dialling your number as he went. He froze on the spot when he spotted an abandoned flare in the mud.

“This way,” he called out, rushing over and crouching down to examine it.

By then, it had largely burned out, but that wasn’t what caught his attention.

Generally speaking, people fired flare guns into the sky. This one had pretty clearly ricocheted off a tree. Whoever fired it had done so in self defense, as a distraction.

“Did you find anything?”

Shouta glanced over his shoulder to see Vlad arriving from the opposite direction.

“Did you see anyone on your route here?” he asked, stomach churning at the head shake he got in response.

“They’ve sent out a helicopter to track down any stragglers,” said Vlad, pointing to the sky. “We’ll soon have a better idea of what we’re dealing with.”

“There’s not enough time,” said Shouta, dialling your number.

He had a pretty good idea of the sequence of events so far and didn’t like it one bit. You and Ragdoll had likely been ambushed by multiple villains. Ragdoll had almost certainly told you to run, not only because you were a civilian, but to raise the alarm. Someone had followed you to this spot, but what had happened next?

He got his answer a few seconds later, for somewhere to his left a phone started to ring.

“That way,” he said, sprinting in that direction, Vlad not far behind.

He couldn’t seem to move fast enough; his legs felt heavy, as if he was wading through water.

He followed the sound to its source and froze on the spot at what greeted him.

It was you, impaled by a long, jagged piece of metal that ran all of the way through the tree behind you. Your hands, lips and clothes were covered in blood, cell phone still ringing in your lifeless hand.

He couldn’t move, couldn’t say a thing, not even as Vlad arrived behind him.

“(Name),” said Vlad, dropping to the ground and examining your wounds. “(Name)...”

He turned to Shouta, ready to tell him that you were still warm, only to fall silent at the sight of him standing there. His mouth opened and closed helplessly, an expression of unspeakable horror and dread across his face.

He clasped a hand over his mouth and turned away from the scene, the scent of blood and smoke making him retch. He remembered every time you had asked to talk to him; every time he had chickened out of saying how he really felt.

Vlad was calling out to him, but he couldn’t make out a word, too lost in memories to be at all coherent.

He remembered you tapping a wet cloth to his face so many months ago. He had been furious then, though it all felt meaningless now.

You need to be more rational in these things. Running head on into danger gets people killed.

Good job I had a big, strong Eraserhead around to protect me.

“Aizawa,” said Vlad, “Aizawa...she’s…”

He didn’t get an answer, though, just a yell as Aizawa dropped onto his hands and knees.

They were in the forest, but all he could hear was rubble crashing to the floor, silently taking Shirakumo with it.

To this day, he still wasn’t fast enough.

Vlad turned back to you and tucked your hair behind your ear, face dropping at the muffled mumbling coming from your lips, intertwined with the muffled sobs coming from Aizawa that he would later pretend he didn’t hear.

“Shouta...it’s unfair...unfair...un...fair.”

00:00:00

[onlythegentle-survive]

if i kept hiding - chapter two

Pairing: Ezra (Prospect) x F!Reader Rating: M (nothing too explicit) Warnings:  More angst and yearning, miscommunication, a brief argument, kissing (so much kissing), implicit sexual references (I told you I’d make up for all the pain in the first half of this fic!) Word count: 5.0k words Notes: The second half of this fic! Thanks so much to everyone that’s liked, reblogged, or left comments. I also want to give a huge thank you to Iris @goldafterglow​​ for giving feedback and screaming about this fic and Ezra with me while I wrote it in two and a half sittings yesterday. No one quite understands my love for this rogue space cowboy quite like Iris does. 

Taglist: @goldafterglow​ @frannyzooey​ @absurdthirst​ @catfishingmorales​ @ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa​ @hopelikethesun​ @forever-rogue​ @f0rever15elf​ @thewaythisis​ @marvel-and-mischief​ @seasonschange-butpeopledont​ @lose-eels​ @ezrasarm​ @din-damn-djarin​ @opheliaelysia​ @pajamasecrets​ @mandohatesdroids​ @poenariuniverse​ @fioccodineveautunnale​​ @fleetwoodmactshirts​​ @auty-ren​​ @profkenobi​​ @storiesofthefandomlovers​​ @ithinkwehitametaphor​​ @yespolkadotkitty​​ @cinewhore​​ @wille-zarr​​ @tangledlove27​​

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To your surprise, sleep did eventually end up finding you. It was a restless, interrupted sleep, but it was sleep nevertheless.

The events of the previous night followed you around like a stray storm cloud the next day. Ezra didn’t say anything about it. You didn’t say anything about it. But it was there, screaming to be spoken about. Whenever Ezra did open his mouth to speak, it was about something inconsequential.

This is why you needed to leave. This was exactly what you feared - that your feelings would become an elephant in the room that neither of you acknowledged. You remembered vaguely that Ezra had wanted to go into the village to get more supplies in a few days time. That was a perfect opportunity for you to slip out unnoticed.

Your heart stung at the thought of Ezra’s potential reactions. Would he be upset? Relieved? Indifferent?

As you went through the motions that day, Ezra’s voice was a constant stream beside you, your mind wandered. It had been bizarre, at the beginning. Not needing to wear a helmet or space suit on this planet. You were grateful for it. It made work significantly easier. It meant that you sweat more, but you weren’t weighed down by the bulk of the suit.

Ezra hardly seemed to notice you today. Chatty as usual, he seemed distant, hardly paying attention to you as the two of you worked in tandem. You were equal parts relieved and let down that he was giving you your space today. Sure, you could have made an effort, hell, you wanted to make an effort, but there was nothing adequate that came to mind.

Finished for the day, Ezra let you take the first shower. Looking into the mirror, you looked a mess. You had purple bags under your eyes, which were puffy and red from lack of sleep. They had a glazed look to them as well, a look that you only had when you were sick or exhausted. As you stepped into the warm spray of the shower, you hoped that a shower would wash away most of it.

* * *

She looked awful. Ezra knew that something was eating at her, but he still could not put a finger on it. His best guess was that she was starting to glean on to the fact that he loved her and she didn’t reciprocate, but didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

When he had come out of the bathroom last night, he was going to tell her how he felt, too tired of keeping it bottled in. But she had already been asleep. Though it was dark, he could see that her expression, usually soft and relaxed in sleep, was sad and pained. Ezra hated to see her this anguished. He hadn’t been thinking when he reached out to touch her face outside the bathroom, it had just happened. But the way she sighed and leaned into the touch for a moment told him that on some level, she returned his feelings.

Ezra gave her some space that day; she was clearly going through something, though what, he still had yet to decipher. Even in her melancholia, she was still lovely to be around. Always making sure he had enough, or that he wasn’t working himself too hard.

As Ezra showered, he thought, why not tell her how I feel at the market? We always have such fun there.

He had to come up with a contingency plan, in case she did not reciprocate his feelings. What to do if she turned him down? She would have to stay, of course. Ezra was not so cruel to kick someone out just because they did not share his feelings. The only time he had done that was in a moment of no other choice many years ago.

Assured in his plan, Ezra smiled to himself. This would work. But he would also try and see what was troubling her today. Maybe he could help.

“Little bird,” he said in between bites of soup. She glanced up from her own bowl of soup to meet his look. “I don’t mean to pry … but are you sure everythin’ is all right? You seem to have the weight of the world on your shoulders.”

She blinked. “I’m fine, Ezra. Just didn’t sleep well last night, that’s all.”

Ezra knew he was teetering on the edge of prying, but still he pressed on. “You’re absolutely sure, birdie? There’s nothing eating away at you? If there’s anything you need me to do…”

Her face softened, and for a minute it seemed to Ezra that she was on the brink of tears. She smiled, radiant and lovely even when it was strained. “I promise, Ezra. Everything’s fine.”

A strand of her hair fell into her face. For the second time in less than twenty-four hours, Ezra reached out without thinking, to tuck it behind her ear, stroking her hair with his hand as he dropped it to her cheek. Then she did something that surprised him as much as it surprised her. She took his wrist in her hand and held his hand to her face, her thumb stroking his wrist softly. All Ezra could do was stare, dumbfounded.

Did she …?

And then, as quickly as it had started, she dropped his hand and slid her chair back, a flustered expression on her face as she finished the last spoonfuls of her soup.

Just as Ezra was finished untangling his thoughts, she stood abruptly. Giving him a wan smile, she collected their dishes and meandered to the kitchen sink to get started on clean-up.

* * *

You knew that you had overstepped when Ezra had reached out to tuck your hair behind your ear. The flummoxed expression on his face as you had held his hand in place told you all that you needed to know. You didn’t give him the opportunity to talk to you about it.

Ezra spoke quietly from behind you. “So, birdie, I was thinkin’,” he started. Your heart started a gallop, waiting for him to continue. “And I reckon we should go into town tomorrow. I noticed today that we’re at the end of our stone cleaner.”

Oh. Of course. He probably just didn’t want to embarrass you.

“Oh! Um … sure, that sounds great,” you said, attempting to keep your voice light, ignoring that you would be leaving tomorrow while he was at the market.

 Ezra fixed you with a look that, like usual, you couldn’t read. Was he always so difficult to read?

As Ezra’s soft snores filled the pod, you formulated a plan in your head on how you would leave tomorrow. You hated that it had to end like this, you really did. But you couldn’t go on like this anymore. You weren’t sure what to do when you reached civilization - ask for a ride with a travelling merchant perhaps? You’d take the spare speeder bike as far as the market, that much you knew. Beyond that, it was anyone’s guess. You just hoped that Ezra wouldn’t be too lonely without you.

That’s why you had stayed as long as you had, you supposed. The thought of Ezra being lonely was too much for you to bear. Thick tears brushed against your eyelashes. It was selfish, you supposed, leaving like this, like a thief in the night. No. It had gone on long enough. Him not wanting you. You could never blame him for it; you didn’t have it in you to blame him. It was no fault of his own that he didn’t share your feelings. You just didn’t want things to become uncomfortable with him. As you closed your eyes for sleep, you hoped that, one day, he could forgive you.

* * *

Ezra woke you early the next morning. The sun had barely made its way over the horizon when you heard his voice. “Little bird, it’s time to wake up.” You blinked blearily at him. Here’s hoping your acting abilities are up to snuff.

“Ezra … I’m so sorry. I can’t go,” you said, pressing a hand to your forehead for effect. “I’ve got a splitting migraine this morning.”

Ezra looked concerned. “Well, this simply will not do, birdie. We shall simply have to postpone our trip.”

You had counted on that. “No, Ezra. You go on ahead without me. We need those supplies.”

Ezra frowned. “Well, so long as you’re sure, little bird. I’ll be back before dark.” You nodded, slipping your eyes shut. “And when I get back … there’s somethin’ that I’ve been meanin’ to talk to you about.” You froze for half a second.

“O-okay. I’ll, uh, I’ll see you when you get back.” The lie felt heavy on your tongue, guilt coursing through your veins. When you opened your eyes to see him standing above you, the guilt increased tenfold. His kind warm brown eyes were filled with concern as he looked down at you. You noticed faintly that the sun was giving his hair a golden glow to it. He quickly leaned down and pressed his lips to your forehead before stepping back. His stubble tickled your skin.

“Back in a tick, little bird!” Ezra said over his shoulder as he stepped out the door. The clunk of the pod door behind him indicated that you were alone.

* * *

Ezra knew that something was awry with her. She had been acting fishy for a while, now. And the migraine was just too convenient. He never wanted to doubt her word, but he had his suspicions that she wasn’t being entirely truthful with him.

He’d seen the way she had tensed earlier that morning when he said he had something he wanted to discuss with her. But he had also seen the way she had welcomed his kiss with open arms, practically sinking into the bed. She was a puzzler, that was for certain.

He had reached the halfway point signpost for the market square in the village. But he never made it to the village. He’d turned around just after passing the signpost.

To hell with waiting. Kevva himself would not wait this long.

* * *

You did one more scan of the pod, making sure you had everything. Toothbrush, spare clothing and work clothes, sleep pants, your music console. You remembered when Ezra had found it in your pack the fourth day after you had joined him. Somehow he’d rigged it so it played over the speakers while he dressed your wound. That seemed like another lifetime ago, now. Even then, he had been so tender, so caring. You knew by that point that he was a space pirate, a rogue streak as prominent as the blonde swatch in his hair. But he was never a rake with you. Not once.

Focus, you told yourself. Your suit was folded up beneath your helmet, both packed snugly in the speeder bike’s basket outside. You forced yourself not to cry as you took the photo Ezra had taken of the two of you on a dig about two months ago from the cooler. You stuffed it in a spare notepad you had. You forgot why you had that notepad; you’d never used it before. Had someone given it to you?

Shaking your head, you pushed your wildly out-of-place thoughts from your mind. It was just before midday, which gave you ample time to slip out undetected from Ezra.

Should you leave a note? Your fingers hesitated as you looked down at the notepad still in your hand. What would you even say, though? Dear Ezra, sorry to split like this, but I’m in love with you and I can’t handle it? No. You couldn’t write a note. There was too much to say but no words to properly convey in a note. You could write a whole damn novel about your love for him and how it pains you to love him when he does not feel the same.

You’d never felt this way about anyone before. Sure, you’d been in love before, but never like this. This made everything before pale in comparison. As you left your spare key to the pod on the table, you paused for a moment, thinking you heard the speeder bike in the distance.

It couldn’t be, you thought as you hoisted your pack over your shoulders. It was probably the large willow tree, the branches gently swaying in the early fall breeze. It would be a long journey to the market. Ezra had taken the good speeder, but even so, he had said it would be around dark when he got back. You had just rounded the corner to the back of the pod where the speeder bikes were kept when you heard it.

Ezra’s voice. 

* * *

“Little bird?” Ezra said, “are you … going somewhere?” His voice was incredulous.

“What are you doing here? You said you would be back after dark. You weren’t supposed to -” Your voice was panicked, frantic as Ezra took you in, understanding beginning to crawl slowly across his face.

“Supposed to what, sweetheart?” he asked, taking a step towards you.

“You weren’t supposed to know that I was … Well, that I was leaving,” you said. It could have been said better, you knew that. Kevva help me, you thought as you saw Ezra’s expression change from understanding to confusion and hurt.

“Little bird, have I done something to vex you? Is this why you’ve been so off recently? If there’s somethin’ I’ve done, tell me, and I’ll do what I can to repair it.” You couldn’t bear to hear the sound of confusion in Ezra’s voice as he spoke.

“No, Ezra. Kevva, no! You didn’t do anything wrong! It’s me,” you said. Ezra’s brows raised. This is exactly what you didn’t want to have happen. You dropped your pack to the ground and walked towards the tree. You could hear Ezra right behind you, very clearly not finished with this discussion. You turned around to face him, seeing his brown eyes, usually so kind and soft, storming with confusion and a hint of anger.

“Oh, really?” he snapped. “And what, pray tell, is it that has you in a hurry? If it’s not me, as you so insist, then what is it that has you so hell-bent on leavin’? I think as your friend and partner of almost seven months, I have a right to know what’s got you runnin’ like a thief in the night. Do you dislike me that much?”

Something inside you snapped. “No, Ezra! I don’t dislike you. I don’t dislike you at all. How could I? When you -” You broke off. He gestured impatiently at you to go on. “When you are the best person I could have possibly ever met. I love you! Is that what you wanna hear, Ezra? I love you. And I know you don’t love me, back. That’s why I’m leaving. I understand, Kevva knows I do, but I can’t do this. Not to myself. Not to you. It wouldn’t be fai-”

The rest of your speech was cut off. A low growl made its way through Ezra's throat as he clutched the front of your shirt with his hands, yanking you to him, and crashed his lips to yours, swallowing your gasp of surprise with his mouth. Your hands found purchase at his hips, pulling him closer. It was not a gentle kiss. Not by a long shot. It was greedy, hungry. Filled with unspoken things. You broke the kiss for air, resting your forehead against his as he chased your lips with his, not wanting to be parted from you for even the briefest of moments.

“You,” said Ezra in between a kiss, “are like the very air I breathe, dear girl.” He kissed you again. “Do you not know that I would hang the very stars for you, little bird?” Another kiss, your strangled sound of surprise morphed into a moan as his lips roamed yours, his tongue poking at your lips, begging for entrance into your mouth. “Kevva himself.” Kiss. “Could not.” Kiss. “Fathom such beauty, such grace, such goodness. I love you, my dear girl.”

He pulled back for a moment, a familiar look on his face. The look that had haunted you for months. Suddenly everything clicked into place as he pulled his kiss-swollen lips back from your own puffy, swollen lips. The look he was always giving you. It wasn’t one of confusion. It was one of awe. Adoration. Love.

“I love you, Ezra.” You cupped his face with your hands, a laugh escaping your lips as you pressed them against his again. He was gentler this time, though no less passionate. You wrapped your arms around his body, needing him close to you. His lips broke from yours, roaming your cheek and jaw. You bent your head upwards, allowing him access to your neck. His scruff tickled in the best way as he moved his lips across your skin.

One of Ezra’s hands moved to your leg, pulling it around his hip. A look crossed his eye. “Do you -? Can we-?” you asked in between frantic kisses anywhere your lips could land.

“Yes, my dear thing. Yes. I mean to have you.”

With great ease and care, Ezra lowered the two of you to the ground, caging your body with his. Nothing else seemed to matter. The fact that you had attempted to leave not ten minutes ago was a thing of the ancient past. That you had thought, foolishly, that Ezra had not reciprocated your feelings - when that couldn’t be further from the truth - was a thing of distant memory. None of that mattered anymore, you thought absently, your lips never far away from Ezra’s skin, nor his from yours. The only thing that mattered right here, right now, was you and him. Together. There, in the white sunshine, beneath the tree, the two of you loved each other to the point of exhaustion.

* * *

“Ezra,” you whispered, hours later. You were covered by his long jacket, resting your head on his chest, his arm wrapped around you. The rest of your clothes lay haphazardly across the ground. Ezra’s eyes were shut, but you knew he was still awake. You pressed a kiss to his shoulder. He looked peaceful. Tranquil.

“Mmm,” he mumbled, wrapping his other arm around you, pulling you on top of him again, his hands landing at your back. He kissed you soundly. “Hi, sweet thing,” he mumbled against your lips. You pecked his lips quickly once. Twice. Just to do so. He smiled languidly against your lips.  

“Hi yourself,” you replied, nestling your face in the crook of his neck, where you had left a mark earlier. “We should probably go inside. It’s getting cold.”

Ezra pressed his lips to your temple, his words sending a different chill down your spine. “Don’t worry, little bird. I’ll warm you up.”

You stifled a grin, gasping as he scooped you up in his arms. “Ezra, I can walk just fine,” you protested as he carried you to the pod.

Ezra shot you a look. “Then I didn’t do my job correctly. Come on, sweet thing. We still have lost time to make up for.”

* * *

Your eyes fluttered open slowly. You were thoroughly spent. The narrow space beside you in the cot was empty, but the sheets were still warm. Ezra hadn’t been gone long. “Ezra,” you said. Scraping and grunting was the response you got. You rolled over to your other side to see Ezra pushing his own cot towards the one you were in. “What are you doing?” you asked as he gave the cot another shove.

“I’m movin’ this over there,” Ezra replied, giving the cot another shove. “Little bird, I would share your bed anywhere, anytime. But it needs to be big enough for us both.” With one final shove, the two cots were connected. You reached a hand up lazily to stroke his cheek.

“Come back to bed, Ezra. It’s late,” you said. Sitting up, you helped him with the blankets and sheets, making it more comfortable for the two of you.

Ezra slipped beneath the sheets once again, pulling you close to him. “That’s better, birdie,” he said. You hummed in agreement. The two of you fit together like puzzle pieces. If only you had told him of your feelings sooner. At this thought, unexpected tears started to spring in your eyes.

At your sniffle, Ezra pulled your head back from his chest, holding it in his hands, forcing you to look at him. “My sweet darling. What troubles you?” he asked, brushing a tear away with his thumb.

“I just…” you start, trying to find your words. “We could have had this a lot sooner, Ezra. If only I had … If only… I’m sorry,” you said.

“Hey. None of that, now. You hear? We were both a couple of lovesick fools who couldn’t see the forest for the trees. Do you hold it against me?” Ezra asked softly. You shook your head. How could you hold it against him? Ezra pressed his lips against your forehead before continuing. “And I could never hold it against you, my darling girl. Never. Do you hear me? I love you. I have loved you since the moment I first laid eyes upon you properly.” He kissed you once, twice.

“I love you,” you whispered back to him, settling against him. Sleep began to tug you closer as Ezra stroked your back soothingly. You slept, like that.

* * *

The next morning, you woke before Ezra. Sunlight streamed in through the open blinds. In your haste the evening before, you had forgotten to close the blinds. You had shifted sometime in the night, your face buried into his chest when you woke, lying on your side. You smiled sleepily as you gazed up at him. So calm in sleep. The weight of the world lifted from his shoulders in sleep. You leaned up and pressed your lips to the scruff of his beard. “Ezra,” you whispered, pressing a kiss just beneath his ear. He moaned, stirring from sleep, his hold on you tightening slightly. You pressed another kiss to his jaw. Ezra inhaled slightly.

“Are you trying to send me to Kevva early, darling girl?” Ezra asked, his voice rough from sleep.

You smiled against his neck, easing up on your kisses to say, “no.” The smile was evident in your voice as you returned your lips to his jaw. Finally, your lips slotted against his for a long moment.

“Good morning,” Ezra said, his mouth inches away from yours. You met them softly with your own, your hand winding into his hair gently.

“Hi,” you said breathlessly. He pulled you close. “What’s going on, Ezra?” you asked, carding your fingers in his hair.

“I just want to hold you for a while, little bird. Just like this,” he whispered against your cheek. His voice was thick with emotion. You held him tighter, your face returning to the crook of his neck as he held you. The two of you sat there like that for a long while. “I love you,” he said hoarsely.

You kissed his cheek. “I love you, Ezra.” You didn’t think you would ever get tired of saying that. Before he could say anything more, your stomach grumbled loudly. It had been quite some time since you had last eaten anything. Ezra had fixed you a plate of food to share last night, but that had been many, many hours ago.  

You smiled an embarrassed smile. Ezra quirked a brow at you. “Have our activites worked up your appetite, little bird?” he asked. You sighed against his face. While you were happy to stay like this with him, you knew that you needed to get up.

* * *

Wrapped in a sheet, you watched from the table as Ezra cooked the two of you a simple breakfast, wearing nothing but his sleep pants. He had refused your offer to help outright, urging you to sit while he cooked. It was nice. Domestic. Something that you could easily get used to, you thought. His fingers twined through yours as you ate your breakfast.

Suddenly you remembered something. “Our clothes,” you said. “They’re still outside.” You couldn’t help but laugh.

“Too right you are, little bird. It seems that in our eagerness, we forgot,” said Ezra, an easy grin forming on his own face. You stroked his thumb with your own.

It was easy, sitting there with him like that. Now that the haze of confusion had been lifted, you felt completely at ease with both him and yourself.

The sheet you were wrapped in slipped slightly as Ezra stood to clear the dishes. “You have stains all down your back, dear thing,” he pointed out, laughter tinging his voice, remembering the events of yesterday. What had caused you to get those stains, or rather who.

“Yes, I figured as much. Someone had their way with me beneath the tree yesterday,” you said drily, a smirk crossing your face as Ezra choked slightly on his coffee at your words. You turned to face him. “I figure a shower would do us both some good,” you continued. You offered for him to go shower first while you tidied up the kitchen. You knew that if you offered to go together, it would turn into something else entirely before too long.

“Don’t take too long in there, sweet thing. I’m not finished with you yet,” Ezra said as he emerged from the bathroom in almost record speed.

* * *

Much, much later, the two of you lay entwined together in your merged beds. You rested on his chest, Ezra’s arm draped across your back. His hand stroked soothing patterns against the skin of your back, almost lulling you back to sleep.

“Little bird?” he said suddenly, his chest rumbling against your ear.

“Yes?” you said dreamily.

“Don’t go anywhere. Not without me. I don’t think my old heart could take it,” Ezra said quietly, self-consciously. He almost sounded afraid of what your answer would be. You propped yourself up on your elbow so that you could look him directly in his eyes.

“Ezra, I’m not going anywhere. Not without you. You’re stuck with me, I’m afraid.” You pressed your lips to his to further confirm this. “I love you,” you said as you settled back down against him, letting him cage your body against his.

It had been an … interesting few days to say the least. You realized now that you should have just spoken your feelings to Ezra sooner. But you couldn’t change that, not now. Not that it mattered. You didn’t care that it had taken the two of you this long to get here. What mattered was that you were here, now, with him. Everything else was just detail.

As Ezra shifted slightly, on the precipice of sleep, you snuggled against him. You let him rest. When he woke, you would continue on your day, doing nothing in particular with him. For right now, you were happy to rest with him. If you were lucky, you would doze off as well. Ezra muttered your name in his sleep as you brushed his blonde streak out of his eyes gently. He needed a haircut soon, you thought. You pushed the tasks you knew the two of you needed to complete out of your mind. They would keep.

[fonulyn]

fonulyn’s 2020 in fics

this is kind of exciting since in 2020 I did get a lot writing done, and it marks the second year in a row that I’m able to actually make one of these posts after that horrible not good at all terrible disastrous three and a half years when I wrote absolutely nothing. so it’s a triumph to get another one of these up! personal victory haha.

in total, in 2020 I wrote 148 fics, ranging from like 200 words to 34k (idk if those short things can be called fics but i just did). by pairing, there’s

13 of Joe/Nicky

58 of Piers/Leon

56 of Chris/Leon

(1 with Piers/Leon and Chris/Leon)

5 of the ot3 (Chris/Leon/Piers)

11 of Krauser/Leon

3 of Wesker/Chris (lmao still can’t believe this)

1 of Chris/Leon/Krauser

so. in retrospect, i did okay. 

it’s over 300 thousand words and I am kind of. surprised. and that is not counting the approximately 50k of wips i’m ignoring :’D

I’d also like to take a second to thank everyone who has ever sent me nice messages, commented on the fics, left reblogs or kudos, and the like. you’re what kept me going, I wouldn’t have gotten even half as much done otherwise.

without further ado, links to all of the fics under the cut! they’re organized by pairing, and the links take you to tumblr posts (bc I’m lazy) and a lot of them have a link in the post that takes you to ao3. (also can you see I put ~~so much~~ effort into naming the tumblr ficlets :’D feel free to laugh at me)

Joe/Nicky

a dog by any other name | 1,5k | The one wherein they end up owning a dog.

within the heart a flame of desires | 5,0k | Nicolo watches Yusuf have sex with others, desperately wishing he was with him instead. Until things change. He much prefers having Yusuf all for himself.

the world will wait | 2,4k | The one wherein Joe takes a lot of naps and the whole team gets to relax.

catch this | 650w | Every time Joe gets distracted (by Nicky), Andy tries to take him by surprise.

nobody’s perfect | 1,9k | Even immortal warriors have their weaknesses, Nile learns. Those just aren’t what she expected.

only in these arms | 780w | Nicky has trouble sleeping alone. Andy is a decent substitute, but only when Joe returns so does Nicky’s ability to get a decent night’s rest.

(please don’t explain) that time in Malta | 580w | Nile doesn’t think at first it would even be possible for Joe to be embarrassed. By anything. Until one evening, they talk about Malta.

cool it down boys | 400w | Andy gets no sleep. She gets revenge, though.

cowboy, baby | 340w | Nicky has the fashion sense of a sack of flour, and he is fine with that.

that day is not today | 4,9k | They struggle through the whole lab-experience. It isn’t the time yet to forgive Booker.

tea, soup and tlc | 2k | The one wherein Joe is not sick. At all. Nope. He isn't.

two drinks too many | 770w | Nicky is a little drunk. Joe loves him anyway.

safe haven | 3,9k | The one wherein everyone gets quality cuddles from Joe.

Piers/Leon

it was you that I found | 23,4k | Leon doesn’t really do relationships. Not because he doesn’t want to, but because he always seems to be so bad at them. Of course entirely by accident he manages to build one without even realizing it. 

unexpected visitor | 690w | Piers is forced on bed-rest. At least Leon stops by.

got me all tied up (never let me go) | 4,0k | Piers doesn’t like suits. Leon loves Piers in a suit.

not so subtle | 210w | “Soo, were you checking me out all night, or was that just my imagination?” Leon asks suddenly, Piers chokes on his drink in surprise.

nighttime fools | 4,8k | Piers and Leon get arrested for public indecency. It’s not their fault, honest.

piers isn’t sick, really, he isn’t (he is) | 670w | “Oh, hi,” Piers said immediately, a goofy smile slipping onto his face. Man, he was happy to see Leon. So happy to see him.  

so you’ve met Xena | 620w | “Xena?” Leon turned to look at Piers, decidedly unimpressed. “You named your dog after the Warrior Princess?“

you’re cute, you know | 680w | Piers took the opportunity the second their gazes met. He grinned, as charmingly as he possibly managed, and said “You’re cute, you know that?“

kiss the nightmares away | 470w | Sleepily Piers blinked, trying to make his eyes work properly. He squinted at the digital clock on the bedside, and its harsh red numbers that told him it was 3:30, and confusedly he turned to frown at Leon. “Why aren’t you sleeping?“

smooth talking, Nivans, very smooth | 1,4k | Piers can not control what comes out of his mouth.

dream a little (dirty) dream of me | 1,3k | Piers wakes Leon up. That's it.

your shirt is my shirt | 950w | With a sigh Piers grabbed the only shirt available that wasn’t battery operated and obnoxious. It was Leon’s, so old that the print had faded completely, leaving only faint outlines behind. And when Piers pulled it on he grumbled again, realizing how tight it was.

here for you | 620w | Leon can’t sleep, but somehow Piers makes his anxieties bleed away. 

grand plans | 260w | “Are you seriously going to wear that?”

new puppy | 430w | “Hey there little guy.” Leon bent down to pick up the little puppy, straightening again to hold it against his chest. His hands looked almost comically large as the dog was so tiny, and carefully he cradled it close.

a little bit funny | 850w | So maybe Piers hadn’t slept properly in days, and the sleep deprivation was making him a little hysterical, but he didn’t even remember when a stupid comedy would’ve made him laugh so much.

for now our time is here | 4,4k | When Chris had told them to wait up and left them alone for a while, this probably wasn’t what he’d been expecting, but the second he’d closed the door behind himself the tension that had been brewing between Leon and Piers had snapped like a cord.

wanting too much | 1,1k | “Fucking hell, never do that to me again,“ Leon huffed out, clearly relieved beyond anything.

the prettiest agent with the prettiest hair | 1,2k | Piers stress-braids. Leon doesn't mind. And besides, Piers always undoes the braids whenever he's done with them. Until one night he forgets.

you can be the air that i breathe | 1,0k |  It wasn’t the first time Piers got punched in the face by a gigantic BOW so hard that the hit sent him flying. It was, however, the first time he was sent careening off a bridge and into the river below. And it was, definitely, the first time Leon saved his life.  

before I found you | 890w | The second Piers realized that the spikes covering the monster actually came off, and it was able to shoot them towards its attackers, it was already too late for him to react.

you don’t need to stay | 950w | Piers did his best to take care of Leon.  And as much as Leon appreciated it, he didn’t want to be a goddamn nuisance.

need me, baby, just a little stronger tonight | 2,1k | Leon really has to practice perfecting his poker face. At least he gets what he wants in the end.

be my valentine | 920w | “Are you sure?“ Piers asked for the tenth time, frowning down at the bar of Fazer blue chocolate. “I still think it’s… not a lot?”

you're the world that I wanna discover | 7,5k | The one wherein they buy a house, fall even more in love, and Leon reaches a breaking point.

call me (tell me what you feel) | 1,7k | Leon is stuck at the airport. At least he gets a nice phone call with Piers.

incentive to stay alive | 1,0k |  "Hey, Nivans, wake up,” he tried, but there was no answer, and he couldn’t help but let the worry in his voice. “Piers. Don’t you dare die on me. Chris would kill me if I let anything happen to his best sniper.”

blanket hog Leon | 880w | Grumbling, Piers turned around, and as he’d expected Leon was cozily wrapped in at least four blankets, leaving nothing for Piers, who was currently freezing his ass off.

I give you all I am | 2,0k | “Leon?” Piers approached in quick steps, watching recognition flicker in Leon’s eyes as he lowered his own weapon too. Leon was slumped against the wall, hunched over and holding his side, and there was something feverish about his eyes. Yet as soon as he realized it was Piers he gave a shaky grin, even if that was all he managed.

why are the gorgeous ones always taken | 810w | Piers blinked his eyes open slowly, expression scrunched up, and it took a long moment before he managed to actually focus his gaze on Leon’s face. When he did, a smile immediately bloomed on his face, and he even tilted his head a little. “Have I died and gone to heaven?” he croaked out, his voice rough from lack of use.

still intact | 1,1k | It took a week before the level of painkillers was correct and Piers woke up with a gasp instead of a scream. And the first thing he asked was for someone to kill him.

of guns and ...guns | 270w | Leon likes the way Piers handles his rifle. There’s drool involved.

always fashionable | 540w | Apparently having a crush on the well-dressed, professional Leon translated into being absolutely fucking in love with the sleep-mussed and squinty Leon.

misplaced phones and revelations | 660w | Chris finds Piers’ phone. Which turns out to be Leon’s phone. The two turn out to be dating. Chris feels kind of blind.

yee-haw! | 1,0k | Leon rides Piers. Wearing a cowboy hat.

you’re cute when you’re angry | 620w | When he’s stressed, Piers washes the dishes. Angrily.  

want to drink (with) you | 1,1k | Piers is an embarrassing drunk. Leon loves him anyway. 

and each one of us is a path somewhere | 22,2k | Piers gets thrown twenty years back in time. Into Raccoon City, 1998. He’d heard about what Leon went through that night, but he never thought he’d have to actually experience it himself. Together with bright eyed rookie Leon.

hold me close | 560w | Leon falls asleep against Piers’ shoulder. 

goatee man | 890w | Piers thinks growing a beard might make him look more manly. 

promises kept | 2,9k | Leon finds out Piers isn't dead after all. He's just locked up in a BSAA research facility with no one allowed in to visit.

stay with me tonight (stay until the end of life) | 2,2k | Leon doesn’t know I’m contacting you, but a fair warning, because I’m worried. He was found unconscious on the bathroom floor at 10AM. They took him to the hospital, but he checked himself out. Look after him, okay?  

4am | 760w | “What can I say,” Piers grinned against Leon’s neck, “I was dreaming of you.” He had no reservations about moving his hips, letting Leon feel just how nice the dream had been.

caffeinated | 550w | Someone gives Piers coffee. Leon knows what to do with that excess energy.

and i'm you and you're me | 7,0k | The one wherein Leon and Piers accidentally swap bodies.

girls’ day in bed | 780w | Piers and Leon wake up one morning with boobs and other assorted lady parts. It’s a fun day. (Spoiler alert: they have a lot of sex.)

worlds apart | 3,2k | Krauser kidnaps Piers to lure Leon to him. (feat. past Krauser/Leon)

not again | 530w | Watching Piers’ mutation brings Leon some very unfortunate flashbacks. (feat. past Krauser/Leon)

gorgeous | 300w | Piers calls Leon gorgeous.

the most comfortable pillow | 350w | Leon falls asleep with his head on Piers’ lap.

beautiful | 840w | Even after losing an arm and ruining half of his face, Piers is the most beautiful thing to Leon.

as seen in adult films | 580w | Piers doesn’t know one damn thing about dishwashers. He volunteers to fix one anyway.

never letting go | 260w | Leon is goddamn comfortable right here. He isn’t going to move a single inch.

nose kisses | 390w | Piers is cute when he’s cranky. Just ask Leon.

no other half could ever make me whole | 6,3k | The one wherein they get a scare and there's a proposal.

the luxury of being held | 690w | The fabric of Piers’ hoodie is the perfect place to hide. (feat. Theo’s amazing art)

just one step from heaven, one step from paradise | 2,7k | The one wherein Piers makes sure Leon doesn’t freeze, and they enjoy their vacation.

all is fair in war, love and Mario Kart | 600w | Piers sucks at Mario Kart.

Chris/Leon

if i never see all my dreams come true, the one that mattered the most was you | 5,9k |  Chris enlists Leon’s help on a mission as a clever ruse to make the man take a break he so obviously needs. 

and I don't want to know how slow the time must flow | 11,1k | Chris and Leon try to fight their way out of a castle and feelings take over.

you are my heart, you are my home | 3,2k | Chris is sick, and he’s being extra dramatic about it.

from the gates of longing | 5,5k | Chris volunteers to take Leon home, but ends up getting a lot more than he bargained for.

how to accidentally get adopted - a guide by Piers Nivans | 2,3k | Piers accidentally keeps calling Chris dad, and Chris and Leon sort of unofficially adopt him.

right here by your side | 1,9k | When Chris shows up to check up on Leon, four days into his self-imposed flu-exile, at first Leon wants to just throw him out. But then it turns into a relationship-building moment and suddenly he can’t mind all that much.

about time | 1,8k | Leon is freezing. Chris warms him up.

yet you'll lose yourself in me | 3,3k | The one wherein Chris is generously proportioned and Leon kind of loves it. (whispers: size kink)

beyond tomorrow | 1,7k | Leon ends up in the hospital after a mission, Chris hurries to see if he’s okay. Claire is already there.

look at those heart-eyes | 180w | Quickly Chris shook his head, reluctantly pulling his attention away from Leon.

there’s a cat in the sink | 220w | “There’s a cat in the sink, and we don’t own a cat.”

from the future | 300w | It’s 1998 and Leon comes face to face with himself, from 2017.

surprise redfield | 250w | “Don’t worry,“ Chris says, nonchalantly as if it’s an everyday occurrence that he’s standing in Leon’s kitchen.

need this feeling to last (there's no denying) | 2,4k | “Why don’t you fuck me yourself, you coward!“

something solid, something good | 520w | Chris was so warm, and that together with all the glorious skin-on-skin contact made Leon happily sink back into the embrace.

come closer | 520w | Leon is done with Chris being so careful around him.  

your arms around me | 690w | Chris woke up cold and alone.  

a needed break | 440w | Sometimes Chris got so single-mindedly stuck on a task that he forgot everything around himself.

the iron maiden | 820w | Suddenly it was hard to breathe, like he couldn’t fill his lungs with oxygen no matter how much he tried, to the point that his vision started to get blurry. 

robin hood: chris in tights | 480w | Chris’ face was twisted into a theatrical grimace as he tugged a little on the green tights we was wearing. They were like painted on and although he didn’t really have body issues in general, he couldn’t help but feel self-conscious about it.

luckless romance | 4,0k | Leon and Chris turn a drunken argument into something better. (Please note: The link takes you to the last part of six.) 

take my hand | 920w | The worst part, by far, is not seeing anything. There are sounds, people talking like he isn’t even in the room, machines beeping and doors opening, quick busy steps against the floor.

let me take you to the edge of the stars and back again | 3,0k | Chris takes his sweet, sweet time before he gives Leon what he wants.

I’m going to seduce you | 1,1k | Jesus Christ, they’d had sex. Leon groaned again, this time less because of the headache and more because he felt so unbearably dumb. He’d probably had the best sex of his life, and he couldn’t remember it.

a little help | 430w | Those fucking idiots, Claire thought for the millionth time, as she watched her brother give the biggest dumbest heart eyes at Leon, who was blissfully oblivious about everything going on around him.

the way to anyone’s heart (the answer is food, good food)  | 2,4k | Chris asks Leon to teach him how to cook. (Spoiler: Leon doesn't know how.)

oh the horror | 270w | “I seriously don’t understand why you want to watch this shit,” Leon groaned, pressing his face into Chris’ chest.

jealousy | 670w | Chris swallowed hard, downed the last of his beer, and took the leap. “I’m jealous okay.”

twist me up | 510w | Sure Chris had always known that Leon was flexible. Sure he had seen him even do these weird-ass yoga poses more than once. There was nothing new to it.

meet the parents | 600w | Leon brings Chris home for Christmas.

precious cargo | 930w | Chris lugs Leon around like luggage.

it's always been you | 870w  | The hardest thing for Leon was when someone he cared about was in danger but there was nothing he could do about it. And then Chris fell into a ravine.

come away with me (to another world) | 2,0k | Leon finally gets a vacation.

first time sucker | 930w | “I don’t know, because it’s fun?” Leon said. “I promise you, you’re missing out.”

read my scars | 1,9k | Chris learns about Leon's scars.

battered and bruised | 650w | Ignoring the bruises and scrapes he had, Chris turned around and sprinted towards Leon, gritting his teeth against the strain moving put on his side.

a different kind of proposal | 500w | “If you keep fucking me this good,“ he breathed out, unsure if Chris even heard the words, “I’ll have to marry you.“

welcome home | 370w | The door had barely fallen shut behind Chris when Leon was in his personal space, grabbing him by the lapels of the trench coat he was wearing so he could pull him in close for a kiss.

I’d always choose you | 280w | Ada was something they didn’t talk about. When someone, anyone, brought her up Leon clammed up and changed the subject. And Chris had tried to be understanding, had tried to be patient, had tried his very best to respect Leon’s boundaries with this. But Chris was only human.

fuck or die | 1,7k | Chris gets hit by a weird plant, and his hard-on just will not go down. Until Leon takes matters into his hands.

i need a hug | 470w | “I think,“ Leon sighed, but then it was like all fight bled from him and he slumped a little forward. “I need a hug.“

oh no there’s only one bed | 990w | “Don’t be ridiculous. It’s just one night. I’m sure you’ve slept with worse persons than me.”

the butt that became a pillow | 420w | Chris falls asleep on Leon.

like father like son | 2,8k | Leon finds out he has a son.

monster magnet | 1,1k | Leon didn’t know when it had become something he recognized so easily. When had it become so normal for mutated creatures to look at him with such unadulterated lust.

please be okay | 620w | Leon faints from sheer exhaustion. 

like father like... grandson? | 4,1k | Liam proposes to a girl but ends up with Piers anyway. Chris and Leon are the friendly neighborhood grandpas. Their grandson is adorable, and Leon thinks he takes after him. Obviously. (feat. Piers/OMC)

black lace | 790w | Chris gets to come home to Leon in thigh high black lacy stockings and matching lingerie, instantly sending Chris’ brains into an overdrive.

at least let me help | 790w | Leon opens the door an inch, Chris uses the given opportunity to slam it wide open. Metaphorically speaking.

bridal style | 200w | Leon refuses the medical check up. So Chris carries him.

dance with me | 1,0k | Wedding planning with two schmoopy idiots in love.

drunken cravings | 480w | Chris and Leon are drunk, hungry, and incapable of cooking.

blow me | 650w | Chris gets his brains sucked out through his dick.

Claire knows best | 610w | Chris tries to set Leon up with Claire. Then Claire does set Leon up with Chris.

chase the demons away | 940w | Chris struggles with nightmares, Leon is there to hold him through them.

dance me to the end of love | 550w | Leon struggles to learn to dance.

Piers/Leon, Chris/Leon

fate changed (we keep loving as if the story isn't over yet) | 34,3k | In hindsight, Leon knew the second he opened the door and saw Chris standing there, dressed in his service uniform, mouth pinched to a grim line and unable to meet Leon’s gaze straight. There was only one logical reason for it, only one way to explain why he was standing there like he would rather be anywhere else, and Leon almost slammed the door right in his face. --  Or the one wherein no one really knows how to handle their grief, but somehow life goes on anyway. (I’m still so proud of this one negl)

Chris/Leon/Krauser

hearts beating fast (let's make this moment last) | 5,7k | Chris gets invited in for a threesome. The clever thing would’ve been to refuse, knowing his unrequited, helpless feelings. But then again, he’s just a man.

OT3

double the fun | 3,1k | Truthfully, Leon hadn’t thought his day could get this much better. Everything had gone wrong from the second he’d woken up and he’d already written the day off entirely, until the moment Chris had looked him dead in the eye and asked “How do you feel about two at once?”

of cuddles and blanket forts | 620w | Piers and Leon build a blanket fort. Chris would think they’re idiots, but they might actually be kind of brilliant.

hair straightener or waffle iron? | 310w | Chris and Piers break Leon’s hair straightener.

the last piece of the puzzle | 2,7k | The one wherein two becomes three.

not alone | 2,3k | Completely on accident, Piers and Chris happen to be there to save Leon from a tight spot. Cuddles ensue.

Krauser/Leon

drive me crazy (your eyes made me crave for this) | 2,3k | It was the best sex Krauser had ever had in his life. That’s why he kept coming back to Leon, kept saying ‘yes’ every single time the man as much as hinted that he might be up for meeting. He was getting off, and he was enjoying every second of it, and that was the extent of it. There certainly weren’t any feelings involved. None. None at all. 

enjoying the view | 200w | Krauser likes ass-watching.

carry me to bed | 440w | Slowly Leon was coming back to his senses. Sweat was cooling on his skin, the hard surface of the table underneath him starting to feel uncomfortable.  

and I lied that we would be fine | 1,1k | Leon knows he isn’t supposed to be doing this. There’s a vague recollection of something more important, something he should be focusing on, but the vast majority of his world has narrowed down onto the slick slide of their bodies, on the cheap scratchy sheets on his skin, on the sound of Krauser’s voice in his ear, and he can’t bring himself to care.

yet never enough | 1,9k | Krauser likes mirrors.

of wanting | 400w | Leon’s laughter echoed in the room as Krauser pinned him against the wall, before shutting him up with a ravenous kiss.

better with you | 590w | Despite knowing Krauser had his back, Leon was genuinely surprised when the man sat down right next to him instead of telling him to suck it up and get moving.

breakfast | 530w | Lately things had slowly begun to shift. And Leon wasn’t sure yet what was going on. Or how he felt about it.

kill me now | 900w | It was more than clear how much Krauser enjoyed their frantic attempts to kill one another, and Leon’s traitorous body shivered in response, the memory of times long gone returning like no time had passed at all.

lust that I've already spilled | 1,4k | “C’mon, Leon,” Krauser taunted, grinning as widened his stance. “This cock isn’t gonna suck itself.”

will you just look at me | 650w | Krauser refuses to do feelings.

Wesker/Chris

I am the light that shall lead you to darkness | 1,8k | In all honesty, Chris wasn’t entirely sure how he’d ended up here: a panting mess, bent over a massive wooden table with Wesker holding him down laughably easily. 

the light to drown in darkness | 2,0k | Wesker craves Chris. So Wesker takes Chris.

love-hate-(obsession?) | 470w | Wesker is a lovesick fool. If he wasn’t also a homicidal maniac, Jill would almost feel sorry for him.

[chocolate1721]

Gala

Ok, soooooooo since my first fic was well received, I decided to write another one. Hope you like it.

It was the end of the Gotham trip. The class was getting ready for the Gala that they were invited to. Marinette was standing by the hotel door in a black satin Chinese evening gown with red embroidery, black strappy heels and a black over the shoulder purse. She was wearing minimal make up and her hair was in a bun with a few loose tendrils of hair framing her face. She stood away from the others, not wanting to be anywhere near people who she thought were her friends. She wants no part of anything Lila said. “Oh yes, my Damiboo convinced his father to hold this gala for us because he won’t be here to meet you all. He is off in Achu right now. Both he and Prince Ali are in love with me so Damiboo went to challenge him for the honor to date me, or so he said.” Lila was boasting to her loyal flock. Lil was decked out in want can only be considered a prom dress. An orange bodice covered in gaudy rhinestones and glitter, with an orange skirt with scattered rhinestones on it. Her hair in her signature sausage style. It was obnoxious, and insulting as a designer. To think that, that fox is trying to gain attention by wearing a dress that is obviously not meant for this event.

“That’s amazing gurl! If anyone deserves to have to wealthy and famous guys fighting over you then it’s so you” Alya exclaimed. She was sporting an atrocious yellow-orange, floor length, sleeveless dress, with a white rhinestone sash around her waist. The fashion choices of her classmates nauseate her.

“Oh Alya, I just don’t want them fighting over me. I simply hate violence.”

“You are the sweetest person ever, gurl. Maybe I can get an interview about how the fight turns out and who can date you.”

‘Uhg they make me sick’ Marinette thought.

The chattering was interrupted by a slick, black sports car pulling up to the curb. A tall dark-haired youth stepped out of the car, walking towards Marinette with a pep in his step “hey there Angel. Ready to go?” Damian inquired.

“Wait! Marinette can’t leave the group!” Lila jumped in before Marinette could answer.

“Yeah, besides why would you want to hang out with her. She bullies Lila!” Alya interjected. Ms. Bustier hearing the commotion came over.

“Marinette, you should set a better exa-“

“I’m going to stop you there ma’am” Damian interrupted. “We got permission from both her parents, my father, and the principle who said that you would be told. Also how is she supposed to ‘set an example’ in this situation?” Leaving a flabbergasted class, Damian escorted his lovely angel to the car and took off.

They sat in comfortable silence for the entire ride there.

Once they arrive Marinette was in awe of the building. She whipped out a mini sketch book and let her ideas flow. Damian flagged down Jason to stay with her while he was greeting the guests with Dick, Tim, and his father. Hours later found him back with his angel and dancing the night away, while also keeping those classmates of hers far far away from her. It was close to midnight when his father took to the stage. He hid a smile not wanting to let Marinette know that he knew what was going on.

“I would like to get everyone’s attention. Tonight, we of the Wayne foundation, have a special surprise. We are giving an award to a person who we believe has done the most to help their community.” As Bruce was saying this Damian noticed that lying fox from his angel’s class walk up onto the stage; waving to the press.

‘Oh this will be good’ he thought.

“I just want to thank the Wayne Foundation for recognizing all of my accomplishments. My friends who have supported me through all of the tough times this past few years, and-“

“Miss please get off the stage. This award is **NOT** for you. We did our reach by personally going to Paris and finding out who they believed deserved this award. They unanimously declared Marinette Dupain-Cheng as deserving of this award.” The crowd clapped and cheered as Marinette walked up on stage to receive the medal. Lila would not have it

“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh Marinette how could you! You pushed me! Why are you so mean to me! I have done nothing but try to be your friend and you just bully me!” Lila wailed

“MARINETTE! WHY ARE YOU SUCH A BITCH! LILA HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT KIND AND THOUGHTFUL AND YOU ARE JUST TOO JEALOUS OF LILA BEING BETTER THAN YOU TO SEE THAT NO ONE LIKES YOU!” Alya shouted.

“Ms. Cesaire why do you Marinette is undeserving of this medal, and why should Ms. Rossi receive it?”

“Marinette has been bullying Lila due to jealousy since they met. She is jealous because Lila knows so many famous people and has helped a ton of charities around the world!” Alya defended.

“Can you show me proof?”

“Proof?”

“Proof of Ms. Rossi’s amazing deeds.”

“Of course, I can!” Alya said with confidence. Lila paled looking around trying to find a way out of this mess, but it was too late Alya’s face screamed confusion. Alya’s confusion quickly turned to frustration before finally becoming anger. Whipping her head towards Lila she demanded answers, “were you lying to us?”

“Of course, not Alya! How could you question me like that!”

“Because there is no PROOF of anything you said!”

Ms. Bustier not wanting to cause an even bigger scene pulled Alya and the class aside while Bruce continued with the award ceremony. “Class, Lila has a rare condition that makes her exaggerate. The school didn’t want her to have trouble making friends so it was kept quiet.” The class noticed that Marinette was walking back towards them. “Marinette you should set an example for the class and give Lila the award.” She froze.

“Excuse me? I should give MY award to Lila?”

“Yes, show the class what it means to accept Lila and not make it hard for her to have friends.”

“Ms. Bustier, I am sorry to interrupt you but that is a horrible thing to make your student do.” She turned around to face Bruce Wayne, who looked both disgusted and disappointed. “Marinette worked hard and deserves to have her work acknowledged and to have this award. Making her give another student that award is showing favoritism and flat out cruel. Another thing there is NO disease that forces people to lie. The symptoms closest point to a pathological liar. You are encouraging toxic behavior in your students.” Leaving the teacher trying to protest, he turned and walked away.

“YOU WERE LYING TO US ALL THIS TIME!!!!!!!” Alya shouted. The rest of the class ganged up on Lila yelling about promises to met famous people and lost opportunities.

“Guys, guys, yelling at Lila won’t make the situation better. You are just humiliating her and she won’t learn. Besides, it’s not like those lies hurt anyone.” Adrien defended.

Marinette shook her head and went to find Damian. “You knew about this didn’t you?” She asked once finding him near the punch bowl.

“Of course, I did angel.” Setting down his drink Damian offered her his hand. “Care to dance?”

“I would love to.” Taking his hand she danced the night away with her Robin.

[storiesforallfandoms]

secret first date ~ andrew siwicki

word count: 1314

request?: no

description: when you and andrew finally get the time to go out on your first date, the squad comes to find out that you two are dating by accident

pairing: andrew siwicki x female!reader

warnings: none really

masterlist

You were friends with Garrett first. He introduced you to Shane, which meant you met Ryland and Morgan shortly after. Eventually, Andrew joined the group and the six of you became “The Squad”. You joined in on many of their series and adventures, which is how you and Andrew became so close.

“The Squad” was filming a spooky video overnight in a supposedly haunted building. After some investigating and finding some pretty convincing evidence that it was haunted, you were having trouble sleeping. Andrew, whom you were sharing a room with, noticed your struggle and stayed up talking with you all night.

After that, the dynamic between the two of you changed. You had become much more flirty with one another, and you found yourself becoming excited at the thought of getting to see him. You nearly jumped for joy when Andrew asked you out on a date.

The only hitch in your first date plans was how busy Andrew was with Shane. They had been filming Shane’s new series with Jeffree Star all year and the past few weeks they had been non-stop editing. You had both decided to keep the date a secret from the group until it happened, just in case it didn’t go well, so asking Shane if he could take a night off for the date was off the table.

Finally, when they finished editing the first two episodes and made sure they were perfect, Andrew called you.

“We’re taking a break from editing tomorrow, whatever plans you have cancel them. We’re going on that date.”

The next night, Andrew picked you up at your apartment. He was dressed in a pair of jeans and a white button up dress shirt, which matched your jeans and blouse ensemble.

“We’re almost matching,” he pointed out with a slight chuckle.

“That’s what happens when you say it’s ‘kinda casual’,” you teased.

“I don’t know how to dress for a first date, this is my go to.” He put his hands in his pockets and shrugged. “Are...are you ready to go?”

You nodded, feeling unable to speak. You didn’t know why you were so nervous, it wasn’t like this was a random date. It was only Andrew, you knew Andrew. But maybe that’s why you were so nervous. You didn’t want to ruin your friendship with him, or ruin the dynamic within the friend group.

The car ride to the restaurant was quiet besides the music coming from Andrew’s radio. You were trying to find something to talk about, but you felt like there wasn’t anything to discuss. You had known Andrew for a few years now, so you knew him pretty well. You didn’t want to ask about work since this as technically his day off. That left you with very little to discuss.

You arrived to the restaurant and Andrew was a true gentleman. He held both his car door and the restaurant door open, and held your chair out for you when you sat down.

“You’re such a gentleman,” you told him. “How has no one snatched you up yet?”

Andrew shrugged. “There just hasn’t been a spark with any of my exes. Recently it’s been a lot of girls on Tinder just trying to hook up with me because I’m Shane’s cameraman, and I’m not into that. I want a real relationship with someone.”

“I get that,” you nodded. “I gave up all the dating apps I was on because they were mainly sleazy guys trying to hook up and that was it. I’m more of an old fashioned type of person when it comes to dating anyways, I prefer to go out and meet someone face to face, get to know them through dates before getting physical.”

“What kind of physical would we be, then, since we know each other already?”

The question wasn’t sexual, he wasn’t being cheeky or flirty. He genuinely wanted to know where you two stood.

While you weren’t the type of person to “put out” on the first date, you would do anything to go home with Andrew tonight, and to wake up in his bed, in his arms, the next morning.

But you didn’t want to weird him out on the first date, so you responded, “I think holding hands.”

Andrew’s eyes widened in mock shock. “Only holding hands?”

“You’ll need to work towards other physical contact, like hugging or cuddling.”

“How far do I have to go for a first kiss?”

The question took you by surprise. Your face was on fire and you looked away so he wouldn’t notice. “We’ll see.”

After the restaurant, Andrew exercised his hand holding privilege while on a short walk together. Your heart skipped a beat when his hand touched yours, and you felt dizzy when he laced his fingers through yours. You wished you had some preparation so you could wipe your undoubtedly sweaty palm. You tried not to think too much about it, it was just a hand hold. It was nothing big, nothing to freak out over.

As you opened your mouth to try and make some sort of conversation, Andrew’s phone rang. He stopped to take it out of his pocket and check the caller ID.

“It’s Garrett,” he said. “I won’t get it, I feel like that’s the number one bad thing to do on a date.”

“No, you should. He’ll be suspicious if you don’t,” you told him.

Andrew answered Garrett’s call, putting it on speaker. “Hey man, what’s up?”

“Hey Andrew,” came Garrett’s voice. “I know it’s technically your day off and you’re probably sick of Shane but we’re having drinks at his place if you wanna join us.”

“Sorry dude, I actually can’t right now.”

“That’s okay!” You couldn’t help but smile at Garrett’s cheery tone. Very little ever brought him down. “Have you heard from (Y/N) recently? I tried calling her but she’s not answering.”

Your eyes widened and you pulled your phone from your pocket. Sure enough, you had three missed calls from Garrett and a text asking where you were.

Without thinking, you said, “Ah shit.”

It came out louder than you intended. You and Andrew looked at each other and you suppressed a face palm at your own stupidity.

“Who was that?” Garrett asked.

Andrew sighed, realizing there was no use in lying, and said, “It was (Y/N). We’re...sort of on a date.”

You both waited in prolonged silence for Garrett’s response. Suddenly, he exclaimed in excitement.

“Oh, I knew it! Shane owes me $20!”

“Wait, what?” you questioned. “You and Shane made a bet on Andrew and I going on a date?”

“Well yeah!” Garrett responded. “I’ve seen how flirty you two have been recently, I knew something was coming. Shane kept denying it, but I know my two best friends.”

“So, you’re okay with this then?” Andrew asked.

“Of course! We all are! Have fun on your date, I want details tomorrow!”

With that, Garrett hung up. You and Andrew looked at each other for a moment before you both started to laugh.

“Well, that’s one weight off our shoulders,” Andrew said.

You looked up at him and smiled. You weren’t sure what came over you next - maybe it was the way the moonlight was shining down on him in this romantic way, maybe it was the relief of knowing that the group knew about you both and they were okay with it. Maybe it was both. Whatever the case, you leaned into Andrew and kissed him.

The action took you both by surprise, and you pulled away before Andrew had time to react. He was smiling brightly at you.

“Does this mean I’ve made it far enough to kiss you more often?” he asked.

You giggled. “That’s definitely what it means.”

Andrew took that as his opportunity to cup your face and kiss you again.

[obxparadise]

Rebel Love Song

JJ Maybank x Female Reader 

Word count: 3,836

~JJ’s had enough of his abusive father and life on the Cut, so he tries to convince you to run away with him~

Song: Rebel Love Song by Black Veil Brides 

A/N: Leave a comment please :) 

*GIF is not mine, but found on Google. Creds to the owner!*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I cannot hide what’s on my mind

I feel it burning deep inside

A passion crime to take what’s mine

Let us start living for today

“You are a worthless piece of shit.”

“Shut up!”

“Your mama knew!”

“Shut up!”

JJ’s fist strikes his bedroom door, although he wishes it were his father’s face. It probably wouldn’t be as painful, and he’d feel good about it. But his dad would retaliate like he always did, and JJ’s face couldn’t handle another black eye or split lip. Luke had already done a number on his face twenty minutes prior.

Luke turns up the volume of whatever rock song is playing throughout the house, and JJ clutches the sides of his head, digging his palms into his temples, the thoughts in his head drowning out the song. What the hell was he listening to anyway? Judas Priest? Black Sabbath? He had no fucking clue.

He should be used to it all by now. The loud music. The constant drinking. The verbal violence. The physical abuse. The mental manipulation. It’s been going on for years. And there’s no way to stop it.

The cut on JJ’s lip burns as a salty tear mixes with the dried blood. He drags his fingers across the bottom of his lip, wincing. Thirty grand in restitution for a boat he didn’t even sink. He should’ve seen the punch coming, anticipated it as soon as he slid in the passenger’s seat of the beat up pick up truck. But it happened so fast, over and over, until Luke’s knuckles were painted red with blood.

He doesn’t regret taking the blame, though. Even if he now has to scramble to come up with thirty thousand dollars, JJ’s glad that he did the right thing for once in his life. Pope was a good kid, had too much to lose. But JJ? He had nothing.

The music dies down in the living room and JJ peers toward the door, heart hammering against his chest as he waits for Luke to bust into his room. His fists are balled by his sides, ready to attack if necessary, but the door never opens.

JJ takes it upon himself to crack open the door, just enough for him to peer out into the living room and see Luke passed out on the sofa. Empty beer bottles are scattered along the coffee table and a pill bottle is just barely sitting in Luke’s hand that dangles off the couch. Just another typical Tuesday in the Maybank household.

It’s times like these JJ wishes he wasn’t an only child. Although he’s glad no one else is subjected to Luke’s abuse, the house gets lonely. Talking to his father is impossible. His mother is nowhere to be found, and he resents her for leaving him to live with a monster, to fend for his life.

He could always talk to his friends, though.

Ah, scratch that. They’re all busy tending to their own lives.

Pope’s in and out of scholarship interviews.

Kiara’s working overtime at the Wreck.

John B is glued to Sarah Cameron’s hip.

But there’s one more person left. One person that would always make time for him. One person he could confide in no matter the circumstances.

JJ retrieves his phone from the back pocket of his shorts, typing out a quick message.

Can you meet me at the dock?

He smiles as your name pops up on the screen, promising to meet him in ten minutes.

~

You watch from afar as JJ stands at the edge of the dock throwing rocks into the bay. The sun has begun to set, the sky now painted a light orange and pink, and there’s a slight chill in the air thanks to the open water. Tugging the sleeves of your hoodie down to cover your hands, you shuffle quietly along the wooden boards.

JJ’s body instantly relaxes when your arms circle his middle, forehead resting against his back. The cologne on his body mixed with his natural scent is what keeps you still against him until he turns around to hold you. He needs this hug. You can just tell.

“I owe thirty grand for sinking Topper’s boat.” His voice is defeated, arms limp around your body.

Wherever trouble was, JJ found it. He was always getting into scuffles with the teenagers on the other side of the island, parents turned their noses down at him, and the cops had no problem blaming JJ for crimes he didn’t commit. The boy was an easy target.

You shake your head, refusing to believe his story, but asking the question anyway. “Why’d you do it?”

JJ pulls away, stuffing his hands in his pockets, eyes downcast on the dock. He doesn’t want to tell you the truth, but you have a guess as to who he’s protecting. “Just sick of everyone treating us differently because we live on the poor side of the island. Money isn’t everything, but it’s all these people on Figure Eight know.”

He’s not wrong. The rich kids on Figure Eight can’t separate fantasy from reality. They’ve never known struggle. They’ve always had designer clothes, food on the table, a roof over their heads, plus the perks. Motorcycles. Boats. Cars. Status. Friends. Opportunities. So much more than the average person could afford, or wish for.

And you were one of them.

It’s a wonder how you and JJ became friends. You knew of his hatred for rich kids before you’d even met him. But JJ saw something in you. You weren’t like the rest of them. You had a pure heart, kind soul. Being rich wasn’t a personality trait for you.

“I just,” Dragging a hand through his hair, JJ gazes at you sadly. His frown tugs at your heart. “I just want to get away, you know? I can’t hide it, but I’ve had thoughts about leaving the Cut, the OBX in general.”

Now that’s something you never would of thought would come out of JJ’s mouth. He lived and breathed the Outerbanks. He didn’t know anything else.

“Where would you go?”

He takes a seat on the end of the dock, feet dangling just above the water. You join him, sitting close, head on his shoulder, toes skimming the cool water.  “Paris. England. The Yucatan,” JJ chuckles, nudging you. “That’s long term.”

“What about now?”

JJ exhales, thinking hard. “Maybe Florida. Or Texas. California, possibly. I want to go somewhere warm, like OBX, with a beach and some palm trees,” JJ looks down at the top of your head, resting his cheek on your hair. Your presence calms him. “And I’d take you with me.”

He knocks the breath out of you. You were never one to plan for the future, but the future is all JJ can think about it. And he sees you in his future, wherever he decides to be. How could you possibly tell him that the life that was destined for you would always be in the Outerbanks, breaking his heart in the process?

“Don’t you want to start living? The way we want to?” JJ asks softly, fingertips grazing your leg. Goosebumps rise on your skin at his intimate touch.

“I already am,” you say, considering his words. “My life is here, JJ. I can’t leave it behind.”

“No, it’s not,” JJ retorts instantaneously, voice unwavering. “This life you’re living? It’s not yours. It’s your parents’.”

Bringing your knees to your chin, you reposition yourself to look at JJ, whose staring out at the bay, blue eyes scanning the water, tuffs of blonde hair dancing in the breeze. It’s the first time that night you really took notice of his face. Dried blood dots the corner of his mouth, and a purple bruise rings around his eye. There’s a tick in his jaw and his fingers drum quickly on his leg. He’s tense. “How so?”

He’s never been anything other than blunt. He hides nothing, letting you know how he thinks, what he feels. “Because you don’t stand up to them. They drag you to yacht parties on the weekend because you’ve never told them who your real friends are. They think Susie Milligan and Delia Pratton are your best friends, except they have no idea that you can’t stand them and would rather be surfing with Kie and John B. They make you stay in and study your dad’s old college textbooks, convinced you’re going to be the world’s greatest attorney, but you complain to Pope that the material is dry and you’ll never be happy working as a prosecutor.” Pulling a cigarette from his pocket and then lighting it, JJ takes a drag, puffing out the smoke before turning to face you. “You let them dictate what should be your life. What is it that youwant to do? You never talk about the future, but one day it’ll be here, and it’s sooner than you think.”

His eyes are focused as he waits for you to consider his question. The truth is, you know what you want, but you’ve never said it aloud. No one ever cared to ask, except for now. Except for JJ.

“I want to be a marine biologist,” you’re confident in your answer, and it leads you to spill more. A weight lifts off your shoulders. “I want to go to school in Hawaii or Australia and learn about animals, nature, sea life. I want to surf, fish, and wear flowers in my hair, embrace my free spirit.”

JJ’s smile encourages you. Opening up to him is so easy because he understands. He listens. And he wants the same freedom as you do. The only difference is, JJ will chase after his dreams.

“I want to learn how to play guitar, climb a mountain, run a marathon, learn Chinese, ride in a hot air balloon,” you take a second to catch your breath, feel the chill of the breeze on your legs. “I want to find love. Maybe get married, have a kid or two. Adopt five kittens. Build my own home with a pool that has a waterfall. I want to try escargot, visit a rainforest, and see the Northern Lights. I want so many things, JJ.”

“Then let’s do it,” JJ says, standing and pulling you to your feet. A smile lights up his face as he grabs your hands in his. It’s the happiest you’ve seen him in the last hour, but it contrasts with what you feel inside. “Let’s start living.”

~

Never gonna change my mind

We can leave it all behind

Nothin’s gonna stop us

No not this time

“Hawaii, huh?”

You look up from your soup. Kiara leans against the bar top, watching you curiously. JJ has gone off to the bathroom, the perfect opportunity for Kiara to grill you with questions.

“He seems pretty adamant,” she remarks, flipping hair over her shoulder. “What’d you say?”

The spoon clinks against the metal bowl as you set it down, dabbing your lips with a napkin. “I didn’t answer.”

“Don’t you think you should?” Kiara asks, playing with the beads on her bracelet. “From what JJ said, he seems pretty sure that wherever he goes, you’re following.”

“Oh, he’s set on us moving to the west coast, but I can’t just leave the OBX,” you counter, shoulders slumping. “My life is here.”

“Then why did you tell him all the things you wanted to do if you don’t ever plan on doing them with him?”

The million-dollar question.

“Because I knew he’d listen,” you say quietly. “I didn’t think he was serious about us leaving together, though. We’re sixteen, Kie. What sixteen year olds do you know drop everything and leave their home behind? And besides,” your laugh comes out strangled, “My parents would never let me leave. You know how they are. They don’t even like that I’m friends with JJ. They think he’s trouble, a bad influence. How do you think they’d react if I just up and left with him?”

Kiara leans in close, whispering, “That’s why you don’t tell them.”

You roll your eyes as Kie laughs. “I’m not going to change my mind on this, Kiara.”

Her face turns serious as she chews on the corner of her lip. The gears turn in her head as she contemplates. “Would it matter if I said JJ’s in love with you?”

Your eyes roam her face, waiting for a laugh, a smile, a teasing wink, but her composure is kept intact as she stares at you. Your face falters. “He—what?”

She nods. “What boy asks a girl to travel the world with him if he’s not in love with her?”

Color creeps up your neck, mouth dry, heart beating irregularly. Your body is jelly, almost sliding off the bar stool, but you slink back further into the chair, hands gripping the arm rests. “Are you sure?”

“If I was a gambler, I’d bet it all. That’s how sure I am.”

“I—no,” you dig in your purse for some cash, slapping the bills down in haste. “I’m either going to disappoint JJ or my parents, and I can’t disappoint my family. So, no, JJ being in love with me doesn’t change anything,” you say, exhaling a breath. “I’m not going with him.”

“Well, that’s good to know.”

Kiara’s eyes expand, and you freeze. JJ’s boots pad against the floor as he pushes through the front door, angrily stomping into the night. You thank Kiara for the dinner before rushing outside to chase a visibly irritated JJ.

“JJ, wait!” Your hand clamps down on his shoulder, spinning him around. The look on his face is disheartening. You try to cradle his cheeks, something you normally did to comfort him, but he pushes your hands away. “Please, stop.”

“You were never planning to come with me, were you?” JJ questions, twirling a few of the rings on his fingers. “You were just…what? Entertaining me?”

“JJ, my life is here, in the OBX!” The words that use to flow perfectly off your tongue don’t even sound right anymore. Part of you doesn’t believe them. “I can’t just leave it all behind. And my parents…God, JJ, they’d never let me go with you. I mean, we’re so young.”

JJ nods, although he doesn’t understand. He knows you. He knows your heart. He knows where you really stand. But he can’t persuade you anymore than he’s tried. “I’m taking my dad’s boat and I am leaving tomorrow. I’m getting out of here because I know what I want and nothing is going to stop me.”

JJ turns, and your heart squeezes as you watch him leave. Your fingers twitch, begging to reach out to him. This can’t be it. He can’t be leaving you. “Is it true?”

He stops in his tracks, glancing over his shoulder.  “Is what true?”

You choke back a soft cry, voice croaking. “Are you in love with me?”

JJ faces you, staring absentmindedly. He wants nothing more than to hold you in his arms, kiss your breath away. But he keeps his distance, shoving his hands back into his pockets, whispering, “It doesn’t matter, because it wouldn’t be enough, anyway.”

~

Back home, you’re surprised to see your parents still awake, chatting softly at the island in the kitchen. You hastily wipe away any leftover tears before they can hound you with questions.

“You’re home late,” says your father, giving you a look. He’s the stricter parent of the two. “I assume you have a good reason?”

You keep the conversation short. “I got caught up talking to JJ. I lost track of time.”

Your mother wrinkles her nose, wine sloshing in her glass as she takes a sip. “How many times have we told you to stay away from that boy, Y/N? He’s trouble.”

“He’s not trouble,” you fire back, wishing you had come up with a lie instead of telling them the truth. “You’re just judgmental.”

“That’s enough,” your father snaps. He runs a hand over his tired face. Being an attorney has aged him ten years. And to think he wanted to send you down the same dreadful path. “I’m having lunch tomorrow with DA Lance Nicholas. I figured you could come along, ask him some questions--.”

“No.”

Your mother stares at you quizzically. “No?”

“Is tomorrow a bad time?” asks your father, loosening his tie. “I’m supposed to meet with him next week as well, if that’s better for you.”

You feel the rage building up inside of you as you remember JJ’s words. You let them dictate what should be your life. What is it that you want to do? “No, dad, there will never be a time that’s good for me to meet the DA, because I don’t want to meet him. I don’t want to be a lawyer.”

You’re sure they’ll yell, give you a hard time, but the laughs that come out of their mouths are surprising. You don’t understand why they’re laughing, but you’re determine to stand your ground, speak up.

“You’ve never once asked me what I wanted to do with my life.”

“Well, yes, because—.”

“Because you planned it for me.”

Your mom glances at your dad, unsure of how to continue the conversation. “Sweetie--.”

“I’m not going to law school,” The light dims in your father’s eyes, face growing red as your tone grows serious. He’s silent, but it doesn’t scare you. “Because I want to be a marine biologist.”

“Honey, listen,--.”

“I want to travel, see what the world has to offer me. I’m tired of being your puppet. I’m tired of pretending to like Susie and Delia. I’m tired of going to stupid yacht parties with out of touch rich people. I’m tired of reading college textbooks about a career I don’t even want while I’m still in high school. This is my life, and you don’t get to choose how I live it.”

Your mom speaks up after what feels like an hour of silence. Her eyes are full of sorrow, voice low, disapproving. “What happened to you? You’re so…outspoken.”

“It’s that damn Maybank kid,” your dad’s forceful voice cuts right through you. He slams his fist on the counter, startling your mom. You stand your ground, unflinching. “I always knew he’d corrupt you sooner or later.”

“Corrupt me?” A laugh escapes you. He can’t be serious. “He helped me, dad. He taught me to stand up for myself, which is what I’m doing right now. He taught me that there’s a life outside of our world in Figure Eight. JJ helped me realize that I don’t belong here,” your mother’s face drops. Guilt briefly flickers across your face. “I belong with him, wherever he goes. Whether it be California or Texas or Hawaii. I belong with him.”

“You are sixteen years old,” your father reminds, looking at you in disgust. “You have no clue what you’re talking about or what you are doing. Go on, get out of my sight.”

You shake your head, turning your back on your parents. It didn’t matter what they said. They wouldn’t be able to stop you from chasing your dreams, from living your life the way you wanted to. They could say you were too young, too naïve, until they were blue in the face. But you know what you want, and no one, especially not your parents, would stop you.

~

So take your hand in mine

It’s ours tonight

This is our rebel love song

Staring down at the note in your hand, you exhale a sigh before dropping it on the kitchen counter. You sign it with a kiss, letting your family know you love them, before venturing outside, quietly closing the door behind you.

The last night in your house was spent packing, constantly checking that your bedroom door was locked to keep the helicopter parents away. There wasn’t much you could fit into the duffel bag, but you squeezed as much as you could, the contents varying from clothing to toiletries to small mementos you didn’t want to leave behind.

The plan was to surprise JJ at the dock. Tugging your duffel higher onto your shoulder, you walk with a content smile.

When you reach the dock, your heart rises to your throat. JJ stands with his back to you, one foot on the dock, the other in the boat. He’s ready to take off, and your legs break out into a sprint, daring him to leave you behind. “JJ!”

The voice makes his ears perk up. He turns, wide-eyed, smile brighter than the gleaming Carolina sun. JJ’s heart swells as he watches the girl he loves run after him, one hand waving frantically in the air, the other tugging the bag higher on her arm.

“JJ, wait!”

But he’s not going anywhere. He’d never go anywhere without you.

You drop the bag onto the dock, launching yourself into JJ’s body. He wobbles slightly, arms coming around your middle, pulling you as far into his chest as you’ll go. You fit perfectly.

“You came,” JJ breathes into your hair, kissing your forehead. The soft pecks are quick, friendly.

It’s not enough for you, though.

You grab his cheeks, pressing your mouth to his, hard. Your heart reacts, beating wildly. The feeling in your body, the sensation you get from kissing JJ, it feels like sunshine. Warm. Blissful. Happy.

There’s no hesitation as JJ kisses you back. His hand creeps up your spine, pressing you impossibly closer to him, almost as if he’s testing to see if you’re real.

It’s all real. You, the kiss, the moment.

He pulls away, slightly breathless. His eyes flicker to the dandelion lying on his drawstring bag, and a smile tugs at his parted lips. He’d picked it for you on his way to the dock, just in case.

“It’s true,” JJ says, reaching down to tenderly pick the flower. Doe-eyed, you watch as he tucks the dandelion behind your ear, shielding the stem with a few strands of your hair. “I am so deeply in love with you.”

“And you were going to leave without ever letting me know.”

“A part of me hoped you wouldn’t let me leave without you,” JJ answers, helping you settle into the boat.

“You’re right,” you smile. “I couldn’t let you leave without knowing I’m in love with you, too.”

The kiss that follows is better than the first. It’s softer, more intimate, and it feels like a rainbow.  

It completes him.

It completes you.

After grabbing your bag from the dock, you help JJ untie the boat before joining him at the wheel. The boat rumbles to life, sailing slowly across the open bay. A new life is just in the distance.

“You ready?” JJ asks. There’s nothing in his eyes other than hope, nothing in his grin other than happiness.

Taking his hand, you smile. “I am now.”

[gryffindorcls]

When Words Fail

When Adrien was six years old, he asked his mother a question.  “How do you tell someone that you love them?”

“My sweet boy,” she said, pulling him close, “It isn't easy, but it's important to be honest about your feelings.”

Her response confused him.  “But father doesn't always say ’I love you’.  Does that mean he’s lying?”

She laughed and shook her head. “Your father has trouble with his words sometimes, but he shows his love through the things that he does for me.  When your words fail, let your actions talk for you instead.”

He never forgot his mother’s advice, and they became his personal mantra after he met the love of his life.  However, when Adrien accidentally saw Ladybug detransform in an alleyway behind the school three weeks ago, everything changed.  Emilie’s words suddenly began to take on a new meaning.

At the time, shock consumed him to the point where he almost forgot how to breathe.  Marinette had collapsed into a heap on the ground as his own transformation dropped.  Three years of anonymity were stripped away in a matter of seconds.

Things were tense between them during the first week, but then Ladybug showed up at his house one night with a box full of pastries.  They spent the evening talking, laughing, and getting to know each other.  It was then that Adrien was finally able to fuse the two incredible girls together in his mind; however, it was also the night that he fell even more in love with her...and he didn’t know what to do about it.

Nino noticed the change immediately, and strongly encouraged him to ask her out. As Chat Noir, he’d never had a problem telling Ladybug how much he loved her, but now that he knew that the heroine was Marinette...it was a different story.  He’d been turned down so many times as Chat that it became second nature to feel disappointed, but the thought of being rejected by Marinette terrified him.  As a result, every time he attempted to ask her out on a date, he would freeze, but today was going to be different.  This time, he had a plan.  After a pep-talk from Nino last night, he was ready to finally tell Marinette that he was in love with her.

Adrien walked into the classroom with a duffel bag slung over his shoulder.  He was early, but he was too excited to care.  Today, he would be getting on a bus and going on an overnight trip to Normandy with his class.  He knew that this would be the perfect opportunity to talk to Marinette.

The plan was simple.  He’d already convinced Nino and Alya to sit together on the bus.  All Adrien needed to do now was make sure that Marinette sat next to him so he could have three uninterrupted hours to confess his feelings.  He had even written down what he wanted to say on a notecard.  He stashed this in the pocket of his sweatshirt for safekeeping.  Nothing was going to stop him this time.

As the clock ticked closer to the beginning of the school day, the rest of the students began to file into the classroom.  Five minutes before the bell, Marinette stumbled into the room with a pink duffle bag and a large travel mug.  He watched as she crashed into the teacher’s desk and cursed silently under her breath.  She then stomped over to her seat and huffed.

Alya laughed.  “Well, aren’t you just a little ball of sunshine ready to take on the day!”

Marinette put her head on the desk and groaned.  “Who me?  Not at all.  I wouldn’t dream of taking that title away from Adrien.”

“Seriously, girl.  You look like something the cat dragged in.”

“No.  It wasn’t a cat this time.”

Alya knitted her brows in confusion.  “Wait...what?”  

Marinette shot up in her seat and looked at the Ladyblogger with panicked eyes.  “I mean...I was up late designing something.  Inspiration struck late last night, and I didn’t want it to disappear.”

“Hopefully you can catch some shut-eye on the bus ride...and speaking of bus rides, I told Nino I would sit with him.  Please don’t be mad.”

“I could never be mad at you for wanting to spend time with your boyfriend.  Besides, we’ll have plenty of time to talk in the hotel room later tonight.”

Alya gave her best friend a quick hug.  “I knew you would understand!  Also, Adrien is pretty excited to sit next to you...right Adrien?”

He looked up at Marinette.  “Looks like we’re going to be seat buddies today!”

She gave him a smile that made his heart skip a beat.  “Sounds fun, but don’t be surprised if I fall asleep on you.  I can barely keep my eyes open right now.”

He felt his cheeks grow warm.  “That’s okay.  I don’t mind!  You’re welcome to fall asleep on me anytime.”

Alya raised her brows upon hearing his statement, but before she could respond, the final bell sounded and their teacher walked into the room.  Miss Bustier gave the class several last-minute directions before having the students exit the classroom.  Fifteen minutes later the class was on the bus, Marinette was staring out the window, and he was doing his best not to pass out.

Once the bus started moving, Marinette turned to look at him with glassy eyes.  “Can I tell you the real reason I couldn’t sleep last night?”

He placed a hand on her arm.  “Of course, my lady.  You can tell me anything.”

“I had a dream last night that we fought Hawkmoth and failed.  It’s not the first time I’ve had a dream like that.  Do you ever wonder if we’ll actually defeat him?  I can’t imagine fighting Akumas for the rest of my life.”

“I’ve had lots of bad dreams, but they’re never about Hawkmoth.  My nightmares usually consist of losing someone I love or being trapped.”

“Oh, kitty…”

“It’s fine.  I haven’t had one in a while.  But I do think about defeating Hawkmoth while I’m awake.  I’m confident that as long as we’re together we’ll be able to take him down one day.”

“Well, if you want us to work as a team, you’ll have to be less reckless during fights.  No sacrificing yourself for me, Chaton.”

He sighed.  “We’ve talked about this, Bugaboo.  You’re the only one who can cleanse the Akumas and fix everything.  It’s my job to protect you and make sure that you don’t fail.  If it’s between saving me or you, it’s always going to be you.”

She leaned back against the window.  “Yeah, I know.  I just care about you.  The thought of something happening to you makes me feel sick.”

Adrien swallowed his nervousness and shot her his best “Chat Noir” grin.  “It’s going to take more than an Akuma to take me away from you, my lady.”

Marinette gently pressed her finger on his nose.  “I’ll hold you to that, kitty.”

“So, there’s actually something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Alright.  I’m all ears.  What’s up?”

“Well, I was wondering if maybe you...umm...you see.”  Adrien reached for the notecard in his pocket and stopped as an explosion of frantic butterflies coursed through his body.  “You know what...never mind.  It’s stupid.”

Marinette cocked her head to the side.  “Are you sure?  You know you can talk to me about anything.  That’s what partners for, right?”

“Yeah...partners.  Ummm...it’s fine.  I’m okay.  You’re probably too tired to talk anyway.  Didn’t you say that you wanted to take a nap?”

She cast him a sympathetic look.  “I guess I did.”

A silence fell between them as Marinette returned to looking out the window.  He did his best to stay calm, but his nervousness made him feel unusually warm.  He surreptitiously wiped his hands on his pants.  The last thing he needed was for Marinette to think that something was seriously wrong with him.

“You can do this, Agreste,” he thought to himself, “She’s right there.  All you have to do is say something.”

As he opened his mouth to speak, he saw Marinette shiver and wrap her arms around her body.  Seeing her discomfort caused his mother’s words to crash into the front of his brain.

He could hear her voice echoing in his mind.“When your words fail, let your actions talk for you instead.”  

He knew what to do.  Adrien took off his sweatshirt and tapped Marinette on the shoulder.

“Are you feeling cold?  If you are, you’re welcome to use my hoodie.”  He held out the garment for her to take.

She reached out and took the sweatshirt from his hands.  “Are you sure?”

He nodded. ”Yup!”

“Thank you, kitty!  I forgot to take my jacket out of my duffel bag before it got stowed under the bus.  You’re a lifesaver!”  She pulled the sweatshirt on and put up the hood.  “How do I look?”

He leaned in.  “Wonderful as always, Bugaboo.”

In one swift movement, Marinette flipped up the armrest between them, pulled his arm around her, and snuggled into his side.  While this was not the first time she’d done something like this in the past two weeks, it still surprised him every time it happened.

After the initial shock wore off, he chuckled.  “Comfy?”

She scootched even closer.  “I am now.”

It amazed him how moments like this had become commonplace between them, yet he still couldn’t tell her how he felt.  He vividly remembered how Marinette used to freak out around him.  As they grew closer as friends in their civilian lives, her stammer around him subsided, but she would still become flustered regularly.  Adrien could never figure out the cause of Marinette’s apprehension, but none of that mattered anymore.  The reveal changed the dynamic of their relationship, and he was now constantly in the presence of a confident and playful Marinette.  Unfortunately, the same could not be said for Adrien.  He’d spent the past three weeks vacillating between heart-melting bliss and sheer panic.

Adrien’s heart swelled with affection as she placed a hand on his chest and released a happy hum.  He spent a few minutes enjoying her closeness before gathering the courage to try confessing his feelings one last time.

“Hey, Bug,” he whispered in her ear.

Marinette didn’t respond.  When he looked down, he saw that she had fallen asleep.

“She must have been really tired,” he thought, “It would be rude to wake her up now.”

He spent the next two hours holding Marinette in his arms while she slept.  Adrien could feel her slow, steady breaths against his chest.  He pulled her closer and rested his chin on the top of her head.  As much as he wanted to wake her up and declare his love, there was a part of him that never wanted this moment to end.  He was holding his entire world in his arms, and she trusted him enough to keep her safe while she slept.

When the bus pulled up to the hotel, Adrien gently shook Marinette until her eyes flicked open.  “Good morning, Sleeping Beauty.  It’s time to get off the bus.”

“Ugh, no!” she protested, “I don’t want to move.  You’re warm and you smell good.”

He laughed and gave her a gentle squeeze.  “As much as I would love to stay here all day, we will get in trouble if we don’t follow the class.  I’ll let you keep wearing my hoodie if you let go.”

She crossed her arms and pouted.  “Fine!”

Marinette latched onto his arm as they exited the bus.  He grabbed their duffel bags, and they walked into the hotel together.

“You two look cozy,” Alya teased while running towards them, “Did something happen on the bus that I should know about?”

Marinette rolled her eyes.  “Come on, Alya.  Let’s go put our stuff in the room.  We only have a few minutes before we’re expected to meet back here in the lobby.”

Adrien handed the pink duffel bag to Marinette and slumped as she walked away with her best friend.  Because this was a class trip, there were non-stop activities on the itinerary.  He knew that there wouldn’t be another opportunity to talk to Marinette for the rest of the day.  

Nino clapped a hand on his shoulder.  “I’m guessing things didn’t go according to plan?”

“No,” Adrien grumbled, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  Every single time I try to tell her how I feel, nothing comes out of my mouth.  It’s like someone hit the mute button on my vocal cords.”

“Bro, I have no idea what happened between you two, but you and Marinette have been acting so weird these past few weeks.  It’s like you switched personalities or something.”

“I’m hopeless, Nino!  Help me.”

“I don’t know if I can, my dude.  I think you just need to stop overthinking it and go with the flow.  Stop looking for the perfect moment to talk to her.  It’ll come when you least expect it.  Take Alya and I...we got locked in a cage together.  I definitely didn’t plan that, but it gave us time to talk.”

“Too bad there won’t be any time to talk to Marinette in the near future.”

“You never know.  Like I said...just go with the flow.”

Adrien trudged up to the hotel room and dumped his belongings onto his bed.  Nino ignored his dramatics and calmly led his distraught best friend back to the lobby to join the rest of the class.  

During the day, Adrien managed to perk up around Marinette, but he was still lamenting over his lost opportunity.  By the time the group returned to the hotel that evening, Adrien was mentally and physically drained.  All he could do was flop onto his bed and sigh.

“Bro, you do not look like someone who’s going with the flow,” Nino laughed.

“How am I supposed to follow your advice when I know that Marinette is two rooms down from me right now?” Adrien rolled onto his face and groaned into his pillow.

“You know that we don’t have to stay in our rooms until our eleven o’clock curfew, right?  It’s only eight.  Most of the class is hanging out in the lounge right now.”

“Marinette isn’t.  I watched her go straight to her room when we got back.  She was so tired this morning, and I want her to get enough rest tonight.  She really needs it.”

Nino shrugged.  “Well, Alya just texted me, and she wants me to join her down in the lounge.  Are you sure you don’t want to come?”

Adrien shook his head.  “No, I’m pretty wiped out, too.  I think I’m just going to turn in early.”

“Sounds good, dude.  I’ll do my best to not wake you up when I come back in later.”

“Thanks.  Have fun!”

Once he was alone, Adrien grabbed his toiletries out of his duffel bag and began to get ready for bed.  Plagg zipped into the bathroom and plopped down on the counter.

“What happened?” the tiny being said, crossing his arms.

Adrien frowned.  “My words stopped working again.  I don’t know what happened, Plagg.  I used to be able to tell Ladybug how I felt without a problem, and now I can barely hold myself together during a normal conversation with her.”

“Kid, you just need to do it.  Rip it off like a bandaid.  Watching you pine over her is absolute torture.  Things are supposed to get better after the reveal, not worse.”

“I thought I could do it, Plagg, but even when I have it all planned, I still can’t ask her out.”

“I hate to break it to you, but you didn’t think all of this through.  You missed something big today.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Plagg flew away chuckling.  “Oh, trust me...you’ll find out soon!”

Adrien huffed and started to aggressively brush his teeth.  He was not in the mood for a cryptic Kwami tonight.  He seriously doubted that Marinette had to deal with the same kind of nonsense from Tikki.

Once he finished his nightly routine, Adrien changed into his pajamas and turned on the television.  He flipped through the channels in an attempt to find something that would take his mind off of his misery.  After a few minutes, he settled on a movie and got comfortable under the covers on his bed.

Just as his brain began to settle, a series of rapid-fire texts came through on his phone.  With tired eyes, he tapped the screen and scrolled through the messages.  His heart thumped in his chest when he saw who sent them.

Marinette:  Are you still awake?

Marinette:  I need to talk to you.

Marinette:  It’s really important.

Adrien’s mind jumped to a thousand different conclusions at the same time.  As he racked his brain for the reasoning behind her frantic text messages, he recalled their conversation from earlier in the day.

“She probably had another bad dream,” he thought.

He took a deep breath before responding.

Adrien:  I’m awake.  Are you okay?

Marinette:  I don’t know.  Can I come over?

Adrien:  Sure.

Two minutes later, Adrien jumped out of bed as he heard three quick knocks at his door.  Even though he knew Marinette was on the other side, he was not prepared for what he saw.  Standing before him was timid looking Marinette with tears shimmering in her eyes.  Still wearing his hoodie, she played with the fabric at the lining of the front pocket.

She looked at him and bit her lip.  “I...I...there...I...can I some din?  I MEAN...can I come in and sit down?”

Adrien’s brows knitted together upon hearing her stammer come back.  His nervousness was quickly being replaced with concern.  He placed a gentle hand on her back, and guided her towards his bed.

“Bug, you’re scaring me.  What’s wrong?” he asked with worry lacing his voice.

She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.  Marinette then shook her head, reached into the hoodie’s front pocket, and pulled out the notecard that contained his declaration of love.

His mouth went dry as everything inside of his body froze.  “I can explain.”

Marinette held up a hand and shook her head.  She then proceeded to read the notecard out loud.

“My dearest, Marinette...I fell in love with you the day I met you.  I truly believed that my heart only had room for Ladybug.  Then, I became friends with my sweet, caring classmate who sat behind me, and slowly I found myself loving her, as well.  Falling for Ladybug was like being swept away by a crashing wave.  However, falling for Marinette was like following a stream in the woods, only to find out that it leads to a mighty river.  Both sensations are different, but they are equally as powerful.  Imagine my surprise when I learned that the two girls who took up all the space in my heart turned out to be the same person.  I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you this sooner, but my words have failed me over the past few weeks.  I love every part of you, Marinette.  You have my whole heart, and you always will.”

When she finished reading, the room grew quiet.  Adrien became very aware of how loud his breathing had become.

“D-did you mean it?” she asked, breaking the silence.

He nodded.  “Every word.”

“Is this what you were trying to tell me on the bus?”

“Yes.”

Marinette lunged towards him and pulled him into a tight hug.  She squeezed him and buried her face in his shirt.  Adrien soon found himself returning her embrace with equal vigor.

“I love you, too, kitty.  I’ve loved you since the day you gave me your umbrella,” she whispered into his chest.

He pulled back.  “But...that’s the same day I fell in love with you.”

“I could barely function around you for years.  Didn’t you ever wonder why?”

“You always denied liking me.  I thought you just wanted to be my friend.”

“No.  I’m just a spaz who couldn’t tell the boy she liked how she felt.”

“Well, I can’t really judge.  Over the past few weeks, I’ve barely been able to talk to you.  Every time I try to ask you out, my brain stops working.”

She covered her mouth with her hands.  “You want to ask me out?”

Realizing what he had just admitted, a fiery blush made its way up Adrien’s neck and onto his face.  “Umm...yes?”

“Oh, kitty…” she said breathlessly.

“Well, I guess there’s no going back now...Marinette, would you go on a date with me?”

She leaned in. ”Only if you’ll kiss me.”

Adrien felt his lips curl into a smirk. ”That can definitely be arranged, my lady.”

He closed the space between them and softly placed his lips on hers.  Their gentleness was soon washed away by desire.  Marinette eagerly deepened the kiss as her hands made their way to the back of Adrien’s head.  He could feel himself smiling under her lips, and this caused her to giggle and pull away. 

”Do you think we could do that again?” she asked playfully. 

Adrien rested his forehead on hers. ”Will you go out with me?”

”Yes, Chaton.”

”Then yes, we can do it again.  It's nice to know that I'll actually remember the kiss this time.”

”Shut up and kiss me.”

Eventually, the two found themselves curled up in each other’s arms.  No words were spoken as they reveled in each other's closeness.

It was at this moment that Adrien finally understood the deeper meaning behind his mother’s advice. Words were unnecessary when two hearts beat as one because all they truly needed was each other.

BONUS SCENE:

Alya worried about her best friend...constantly.  However, a few weeks ago when she watched Marinette ruffle Adrien’s hair, tap him on the nose, and talk to him in full sentences, Alya nearly combusted.

For nearly fourteen days, she grilled Marinette for answers and demanded to know if she was secretly dating Adrien.  In her mind, it was the only possibility that made logical sense...because no one could be Akumatized for two straight weeks...right?

Every single time Alya asked for details, Marinette would simply say, “Right now I’m just focusing on being a better friend to Adrien.”

It was like the girl had a total personality shift overnight.  It was incredibly frustrating to watch.

“Are you still thinking about Marinette?” Nino whispered into her ear as they sat alone on a couch in the hotel lounge.

“Yes,” she admitted, “I can’t help it.”

“If it makes you feel any better, Adrien has been acting like a total weirdo, as well.  He’s in love with her, and he won’t tell her.  Nothing I say to him helps him get any closer to confessing his feelings.”

“Woah...wait...hold on.  Adrien has a crush on Marinette?  Why didn’t you say anything before?”

“I thought it was obvious?”

“No, Nino...it was not obvious.  Are you telling me that our best friends are now in love with each other, and both of them are doing nothing about it?  I’ve come to expect this from Marinette, but Adrien...wow.”

Nino shrugged.  “I don’t know what to tell you, babe.  There’s nothing we can do about it.”

Alya grabbed his arm.  “Yes, there is.  We still have a whole hour before curfew.  We are going to shove them in the same room together and make them talk.  It worked for us, and it will work for them!”

Before Nino could respond, Alya dragged him out of the lounge and up the stairs.  She huffed when she opened the door and was greeted by an empty room.

“Where is that girl?” She was starting to get annoyed.

“Babe,” Nino called from down the hall, “you might want to come and check this out.”

Alya rushed down the hall and nearly screamed at the sight of their best friends fast asleep in each other's arms.

“I guess they didn’t need our help after all,” Nino chuckled.

“Finally,” Alya sighed, feeling the relief wash over her.

“You’re totally going to wake them up aren’t you?”

“Yup, and I’m going to film it too.”

Nino laughed.  “I’ll help as long as you send me the video when we’re done.”

Alya looked up at him and grinned mischievously.  “Deal.”

AO3

FanFiction

UPDATE- Part 2: When Words Succeed

---

Hello, lovely readers! Thank you for choosing to read "When Words Fail". This fluffy little one-shot has been rattling around my brain for the past few days, and I had to get it down.

I will update “More Than Just a Friend” soon...don’t worry!

My username on AO3 and FanFiction is clslovegood47.

---

[roguesandsaviors]

Wanting In

Fandom: Sicario

Characters: Matt Graver, Alejandro Gillick,  Charly Dunn (OFC), Kate Macer, Reggie Wayne

Pairing: None

Summary: There was a third member that joined the team that Matt Graver created. She holds different views on the ending events of the movie than Kate did.

Word Count: 2,064

Rating: SFW

Warning: Explicit language, mentions of violence, references of drugs related to movie events

****************************************************************************************

Kate was less than pleased. We were being used. It was never about us making a contribution to the team. Nothing more than a technical necessity. We were the means to an end for the operation. Sure, it rubbed me the wrong way but in the end, what was done was done and the job getting finished was more important than my feelings on the situation. Something had to change and if it took means that were less by the book then so be it. Kate and Reggie didn't have that sort of view as we suited up.

Relegated to the back of the squad, I checked over my weapon a couple of times. The military team assembled would likely take care of any bodies that we ran into but that didn't mean someone couldn't slip through. I didn't want to be caught unaware and unprepared. 

There was a quiet anticipation that rippled through the men. I felt that creeping chill up my spine, a surge of adrenaline exploding in preparation of what was to come. A sure gun fight and nothing got the blood pumping more quickly. The SUVs stopped in the middle of nowhere, guided by the eye in the sky towards the entrance to the tunnel. Cracking my neck, I exited the car and took my spot towards the rear of the group. 

The hike to the entrance was uneventful. Alejandro was sent in first, quickly followed by the head of the military team. I felt like I was practically chomping at the bit, especially when the ringing of gunfire in a confined space started echoing out. Forgoing caution and reminders to stay back, I pressed ahead of Reggie and Kate. Sweeping in every direction I could, there was nothing. The gunfire hadn't stopped. 

A turn came up and a quick sweep to the left had me nearly face to face with one of the runners. His weapon was quickly aimed at my chest. Without hesitation, I pulled the trigger, watching as his body fell. 

"Shit." 

"You good?"

"Good." I responded quickly to whoever had asked before we moved on. Clears began to be called out as the gunfire ceased. Just as I went to turn to regroup, I noticed Kate heading off. This wasn't going to be good. My choices were to let her fuck something up or go follow her and try to stop whatever it was that she thought she could do. Making the decision, I took off after her. If the others wanted to be pissed about it, oh well. 

She didn't seem to realize that I was following her. A concerning fact for numerous reasons. She exited just ahead of me and I had to double time in so I didn't lose her. 

I exited the tunnel and nearly groaned. Alejandro had an officer at gunpoint while Kate was attempting to hold him. I raised my weapon and settled it squarely on Kate. 

"That's enough. Drop the weapon Kate." I took a leap of faith in the fact that Alejandro wouldn't shoot me too. It didn't seem like the style of the operations but I had been wrong before. A few tense moments of silence passed.

"He has an officer Charly."

"Who is carrying drugs in the back of his squad car. He's corrupt and part of the cartel. Drop your gun Kate." She refused to, shaking her head. It only took her turning her head towards me for a moment for the opportunity to arise.

The shot was fired and Kate went down. I relaxed, dropping my weapon down as Alejandro moved over to her. The bullet had hit her kevlar. He wasn't looking to kill, just incapacitate her for some time. I could hear her gasping from over here. That sort of shot hurt and smarted for weeks.

"Don't ever point a weapon at me again." I didn't make a move to stop the operative as he got into the car with the officer and drove over. Moving over to Kate, I attempted to help her up. She was still gasping for breath. 

"That was real fucking stupid," I grumbled before hauling her to her feet. She shoved me back immediately. 

"Stupid?! He had that man at gunpoint. Do you know what he is going to do? None of this is okay!" 

"I know full well what he is going to go off and do. We need to get you back. Come on. Before they send the guys back in." I reached forward and grabbed her by the vest. "Besides, it's gonna be a good idea to get your chest looked at. Kevlar stopped it but that doesn't mean it didn't crack a rib."

"How are you okay with this?!" She was still pissed. Each and every word had a gasp between it as she struggled to get her breath back.

"Because it's not our call! Wake the fuck up Kate. You think the stash houses we raid, or the homes used to hide bodies after the fact are making a damn bit of difference? Because if you do, please fucking enlighten me on where I can see it. I don't. More people are dying every day because those fuckers are allowed to do as they please and live like kings." I wasn't in the mood for her bullshit and just wanted to get back. "Come on. Before they come back looking for us." I grabbed her by the vest again and began to pull her back through the tunnel. 

We made it back just as the men were coming back towards the tunnel. Kate, still trying to recover from the bullet, tore from my grip and lunged at Matt, landing a hard looking hook. I groaned and looked towards the sky, the night was over but she demanded to cause trouble. 

Reggie moved forward only to be shoved to the ground by a few of the other guys while Matt worked on grabbing Kate and trying to calm her down. Eyes were on me and I held up my hands, not intending on causing any trouble. 

"Good work guys." I moved passed Reggie plastered to the ground and gave Matt and Kate some privacy.

*****

Standing next to Matt as he unloaded his gear from his body, I shook my head. Kate and Reggie had already left, Kate pissed off by what had happened and what she had seen while it just had added a whole gallon of gasoline to the fire for me. Was it legal? Not really. Did I give a shit about that? Absolutely not.

"I want in. Not that halfass fucking bullshit Matt. I don't wanna be kept around for shit that you can't pull unless you have someone to use as a puppet." He wasn't looking at me but it was obvious he was listening. I would have said the same to Alejandro if he was there too. He was still across the border, taking care of business. "I'm sick of spinning my wheels. I can take out bad guy after bad guy in the streets before breakfast and I have three more taking their place by fucking lunch. This? This is making a difference and I want part of that. I don't care what I have to sign or what lies I gotta tell, fuck I'll dig my own grave." The past couple of days had been a hell of a ride and more eye opening than I expected. It had served as a reminder that it was possible to get more things done than what my current restrictions allowed. Kate may not have been able to wrap her head around that, she may have wanted to do everything by the book to a tee. The other side wasn't playing by those rules. It was kill or be killed and only that mentality was going to give us the chance to get a grip on this thing before it became any worse.

There was a smirk on his face when he finally turned to look at me. Hip propped against the SUV, he crossed his arms over his chest. 

"What makes you think we're adding to the team?" He held the cards and he knew it. I had to quell any frustration at the smirk and the ploy. He was dangling bait in front of me and I couldn't bite. At least he wasn’t playing the gender card. I knew that there weren’t a lot of women that were willing to get their hands as dirty as he surely did on a constant basis. 

"It isn't a team. You take assignments and build from there." A hand ran over my dirty, sweat stained face, nearly cringing at the feel. That wouldn't serve my cause though. "I'll up and quit my position now. Resign and not think twice about. Sign whatever paperwork you want me to. I gotta do shit that matters more, that actually hits where it counts. Otherwise the bullet I take in the streets means shit. At least if my head gets cut off, it means I've pissed someone off and hopefully taken a few of the assholes down with me." A moment of silence settled between us, only broken by the grunt of a soldier or the like storing their gear and getting into their SUVs. 

"Get in the car." It wasn't an answer and as much as I wanted to push for one, it was better not to. There were only so many boundaries I could press at the moment. Biting the inside of my cheek, I slid into the backseat without another word. Steve and Matt were both silent as the engine was turned over and we took off. That was a rare occurrence over the past several days. Further proof that things were likely done. 

The desolate, nearly pitch black desert landscape went flying by outside the window. Not that I could see any of it but it gave me something to concentrate on rather than the question looming overhead.  There was no way to know what was happening in Matt's head. He didn't exactly have the power to make that call. I knew that. But he had the influence to make it happen. A shower and a beer sounded about good right then as the adrenaline rush began to die down. The job was accomplished and it meant that we could relax for just a bit. 

Arriving at the motel, the car was still in silence. The desire to throw a fit was strong, press and demand but that wouldn't be how I won this. No, I had to head back to my apartment, get myself cleaned up and wait. Slipping from the car, I knew it wasn't entirely over since I would have to sign paperwork and Matt didn't seem keen on getting any of that done tonight. Without another word, I headed to my car and settled in. There was a moment where I couldn’t drive away, stuck in that shitty motel parking spot as the entire situation washed over me. I would stick by what I had told Matt but there was a second of panic over what I had witnessed and seen now that the adrenaline had fully worn off. That wasn’t unusual, even on shit I did on a normal day. The implications of this were far bigger though and it couldn’t be ignored. Flexing my hands against the steering wheel, I let out a slow breath. There was nothing to be done about it now and it didn’t change the fact that I wanted it more than ever.

The drive home was quiet. I didn’t feel like putting on music or even talking this whole thing out with myself. Sometimes hearing the pros and cons aloud was helpful but not now. I was in the shower when the phone rang. The ringtone was odd though. Poking my head out, I could see a light coming from my pocket. Curious enough, I stepped out of the shower and crouched. There was a phone, one that wasn’t mine, nestled into a pocket of my pants. 

The caller ID came up as “Pick up the fucking phone”. Frowning, and against some better judgement, I pressed the answer button.

“Hello.”

“Wasn’t sure you would actually listen and pick up.” Graver’s voice echoed through the speaker. “So you want in.” 

[sara78]

Thank you, Supernatural

I don't think a simple thank you can cover everything these boys have done for me, for many of us out there.

For lots of people, supernatural is just a show.

But for me and for lots of other people it means many more.

Let's be honest, this year sucked.

2020 for me started empty. I would wake up every morning with emptiness in me, because one person I really looked up to and loved with all my heart, my grandpa, suddenly died in front of my eyes and I couldn't do anything but watch. Even though everybody thought I bounced back from that really fast and adapted to it, it was just my very well built mask. I didn't want them to know. That maybe wasn't the right thing to do, since I for sure wasn't the only one mourning, but I just got used to throwing out masks and smiles whenever it was a bad day because they usually wouldn't understand why am I upset and would tell me to stop being a crybaby.

The fact that I lost my grandpa who was my father figure, who raised me up and was the only one who ever supported me and had my back, tore me apart. I was aware I will never go and spend summer breaks in village with him, I will never be able to watch "Only fools and horses" with him on TV.

It just couldn't settle.

And then, the Corona virus happened.

Let me be honest, school and certain people in it helped me with mourning. A lot. Being able to focus on schoolwork, studying, projects, it took my mind of for a brief time. But then, we were all of a sudden closed in our houses because of this whole situation and I didn't thought it was going to be this painful for me.

I was always thinking "Meh, I rarely went out anyways, I got used to being home" but the fact that I was back in the apartment where my grandpa died, and the fact that I woke up every morning and went to the living room to see an empty bed and a turned off TV, instead of him sitting there, reading the newspaper while waiting for a certain TV show on the TV... It didn't feel like home.

I closed in my room. Most of the days I would spend by trying to figure out everything about school, who's using what platform etc. Soon enough, my mother, a nurse in city hospital, told me that she will be transfered to work on a Covid part of it.

I didn't really think it would change anything, but hell, was I wrong.

Every day, she would come pissed from work. She would scream at me, yell at me, blame me for whatever happened in her shift, blamed me for everything that wasn't in my power.

Listening to constant hate from her never had such an impact on me. She would usually do that but grandpa would always be there and talk to me. My mom would usually go to my grandma to see her and talk to her about her troubles at work, but she couldn't risk going to her place, so she decided to obviously, yell and scream at me, thinking I don't bother because I never showed it.

She would just randomly slam the door of my room open and start telling me I'm a terrible daughter, that I don't want to do anything, that I'm useless, that people will never love me, that I'm stupid etc. Those words now started to settle down in me and started piling up. Day by day, the pile became bigger and bigger and I was in a darker place than ever before.

I didn't talk to anyone about it. I didn't want to bother and others had problems too, much bigger then this one.

I was really desperate. I needed a way to get out.

One of those days, I called one of my good friends, and asked him to tell me something that he likes to watch, or to play. I needed a run from reality and I decided to find it in a video game or a TV show.

That's where supernatural came.

April 5th, 2020.

Just when I thought this year would never get better, it did.

I tested the waters with the pilot - he told me that I would like the show since I was a fan of The X Files and Scooby-doo. He was right. It took me one episode, and Dean's famous "Dad's on a hunting trip. And he hasn't been home in a few days" to get me hooked.

Every day, I would turn on the show and would run away from reality. Every time it all became too much, I would watch them. Soon enough it felt like home. Those boys going around the country, hunting, having each other's backs, it really was unique and interesting to see how well they worked together.

As the show progressed and the boys went more mature, I started feeling better. I wouldn't have dark thoughts, I wouldn't feel empty anymore. Even though I could never talk with them in person, their presence helped me deal with my grandpa's death and my mother's sick obsession of blaming me for everything.

Sam and Dean taught me to stand up for myself. That's what I did. I stood up for myself and told my mother to stop being such a fuss and blame me for whatever happened to her on work because I'm no God (Chuck now 😂) and I'm not controlling anything. She was at first pissed when I talked back to her yelling but soon she stopped as well. I don't know where did she take out all of that anger and I honestly don't care. As long as it wasn't me, I didn't care.

Sam and Dean taught me that nobody really dies. Well, those boys never seemed to stick to that title. But the ones who did, as for example their dad, mom, later on Bobby, Jo, Ellen, Ash, Crowley, Rowena, Jack, Kevin,... You shouldn't think about how you lost them, about how you will never get to see them again. You should remember and cherish the moments you got to spend with them, and to be grateful that you were able to spend time with them. I started watching at grandpa's death from another point of view. Instead of missing him, I remembered him. Whenever I felt that feeling of empty, I would take our photo album and watch our photos together. I would read my old diary entries in which I wrote about how he took me to a fair and bought me a gigantic burger. Instead of tears, I would smile and be happy for being able to spend the time of my life with him and was grateful for making me who I am.

Sam and Dean taught me that family don't end with blood. But it doesn't start there either. I started taking better care of my friends, tried to talk to them more, ask them more often how they felt. I knew how bad I wanted someone to ask me that when I was in a bad place and I knew someone would appreciate that. But as well, I opened up more to some of them. It really felt nice, knowing that they don't care that you're broken and that they are more than ready to help you deal with whatever you need to.

I binge watched the whole show in about 4 months. I watched the boys grow up, and so did I. I learned so much from them, I loved them for who they are, I cried and laughed with them, I was scared and happy with them, I would stay up late at night just thinking about Dean and Sam and whatever they were dealing at the moment or rant to my friend who never even watched the show about how much I love Castiel for being who he is.

Also, I fell in love with the actors. Jensen, Jared, Misha, later on Mark Sheppard, Alex Calvert,... I laughed for hours when watching their panels, comic-cons and other interviews they did. I learned about the always keep fighting campaign, and much much more.

I was happy to be in this fandom.

And so, I want to thank them for giving us the opportunity to watch Sam and Dean's adventures. I want to thank Jensen, Jared and Misha for sticking with the show for years, for giving us a ticket for the most wild and exciting ride that will always be a great, bright memory in our lives.

You guys left a legacy behind, a big legacy. As long as there's us out there, you will never be forgotten. The show will never be forgotten as long as there's people to remember it and talk about it, write fanfictions about it, re-watch it, laugh about it.

The show might be ending, but what it's left behind, that never ends. This family the show has built, there is no other like this one. There's no other Fandom like ours. This fandom is much more than just a fandom. This fandom is also a place where everyone is welcome, there is no judgments, no hate. This fandom is a family. A legacy. Not much shows can say that they've left a legacy behind. Right?

As much as I am sad the show's ending, I'm happy it happened. I'm happy I got to see 15 seasons of it, knowing many shows don't make it past 10. I'm happy I got to see Team Free Will kicking names and taking asses.

So, don't cry because it's over. Smile, because it happened. Part of a journey is the end, but then, nothing really ends.

Carry on... ❤️