#simba you can stop yelling at me about jason todd now i know the story

[bisexualnerd]

Melancholy Kaleidoscope

Chapter 5/5

~You can read on AO3 here ⤵️⤵️~

Dinner had been peaceful so far. There hadn't been any sign of attempt murder just yet. No flying dishes nor forks being used as weapons.

Bruce was looking at them with suspicion in his eyes.

Well, the man had every right to keep a close watch on them.

Cass stole a piece from his plate again and Tim whined quietly at his sister. The said sister just giggled and booped his nose. He sighed as he could hear Jason sniggering from the other side of the dining table.

"Cass..." He complained again as another piece got stolen. "You have your own food already..."

"Messing with you is fun, little brother." She grinned.

"But..." He got interrupted by a shout.

"You take that back Todd!"

"What?! It's true. That potato piece does look a lot like you."

"I am not a potato you imbecile zombie!" Damian had jumped on his chair with a spoon raised high, pointing at Jason.

The older boy just snickered, leaning back a bit to avoid the Spoon of Doom.

"Damian, don't attack your brother. Jason, stop provoking him." Bruce interfered.

Tim picked out a bean and threw it at them randomly.

"No, go on. This's getting good."

"Tim please..."

Jason had raised a chicken leg to block out Damian's attack and now the Spoon of Doom had flown all the way to Cass's plate, hitting one of her vegetables. 

And then one of Damian's elbows knocked at Dick's plate and now there was sauce on the everywhere. Dick looked quite heartbreaking at that. 

Tim grinned at Bruce before throwing another bean at Jason and Damian, then took joy in seeing the horrified look on his adoptive father's face.

Damian had now resorted to trying to hit Jason with a knife. Not exactly sharp but still enough to make someone bleed. Jason, on the other hand, had dumped all the food from one plate onto Dick's and used that plate as a shield to protect himself. His other hand held the chicken leg from earlier so he could occasionally bit into it.

You know, you couldn't just waste Alfred's cooking.

He heard Cass laughing from next to him and found himself grinning even wider. His sister then threw small pieces of vegetable at their brothers and encouraged them even further.

"Cass, sweetheart..."

"Fun, Dad." She pouted.

"Please don't encourage them..."

"Fun." She emphasized.

Bruce looked like he was asking for strength from above now. From the other side, Jason jumped out of his seat to avoid getting stabbed and Dick had lunged forward to wrestle the knife out of Damian's hand. Apparently, knives were off limit. Forks weren't.

Damian grabbed a fork from the table and with a loud battlecry, he went for Jason.

Tim had managed to pick up a handful of beans to throw at them. Cass was cheering from her seat. And Dick was trying to look unamused but the small upward quirk on his lips told a different story.

Jason ducked under the fork and they chased each other around the table with the older laughing and the younger shouting. Bruce had tried to grab either of them several times and failed.

Jason was now using Cass to hide from Damian. The younger boy stopped before them, glaring hard.

"Step aside Cassandra, so I can put this zombie back to his place."

Cass's eyes widened at how Damian had called her and smiled at him. She glanced back at Jason with a mischievous glint in her eyes before speaking.

"No killing."

"Sis, you traitor!" Jason gasped dramatically while the younger boy huffed.

"Fine. I will not slay him, but there is no guarantee I will spare him from my wrath."

Cass nodded and stepped aside, leaving Jason without any protection. Damian jumped, the fork high in the air...

...just to be caught by Bruce, who had leaped from behind him. Tim startled, crashed into the table and sent one of the plates flying to Dick.

"Alright time out! Time out!" Bruce took the fork away and dragged Damian away from Jason. 

Tim looked down at the sauce stain on his shirt and grimaced. Alfred would not be please. Speaking of...

"Where's Alfred?"

Silence fell upon them and Tim stepped away from the mess on the table.

"Right...I'm just gonna..." Dick dashed down the hallway, probably went looking for Alfred.

He came back with the old butler in tow, who took a quick look at the mess before shaking his head disapprovingly.

"I went out to check on the garden for five minutes, and come back to this. Anyone care to explain?"

"It was Jason and Damian." Tim quickly provided.

"Yes. Jay and Dami." Cass confirmed.

Alfred's "I'm-not-mad-just-disappointed" gaze fell upon the two said boys, one of them grinned sheepishly and the other glared at the ground. 

Please, take a wild guess which was which.

"You know that's not completely true." It was now Bruce's turn to smile evilly at them.

"Of course it was Jason and Damian to create this whole mess. But...you both have encouraged them to continue to do so." The man turned to his oldest. "Thanks for being the only child I'm proud of."

"Dad!" Cass frowned.

"B, come on!" He groaned.

"So it's settled. Master Jason and Master Damian will clean the dining room up while Master Tim and Miss Cass will be in the kitchen to help me."

"Sorry guys." Dick waved his hands around. "But I can help too. Providing emotional support and encouragement is very important too."

"Big brother!" Cass poked Dick on his side. 

"Really?!" Jason narrowed his eyes.

"Thank you Master Dick. Now off you go. All of you."

They ended up cleaning for a good hour. By the time they had finished, he was exhausted. As the four of them dragging themselves upstairs, he could see Dick chuckling to himself from a few feet behind.

The dick.

They all eventually bunched up in Cass's room because this was usually considered neutral ground. Dick had gone to find several more blankets and pillows so they could make themself comfortable.

When Tim finally cuddled up between Jason and Cass, he remembered.

"Hey Jay, what about the prank?" He whispered.

"Hmm..."

"Jay...it's your idea."

"Right...sorry. So tired. Can we do it tomorrow night or some other time?" Jason mumbled, half asleep.

This is pathetic.

"Fine."

He snuggled against his brother's side and closed his eyes, letting out a long sigh. Not even ten seconds later, he heard Dick whisper-calling for him. Tim fluttered his eyes open to see Dick petting Cass's hair and hugging Damian close to his chest.

"Timmy, hey...the prank?"

"Jay said tomorrow night. He's tired."

"Okay fine. But we're doing it."

"Never say we're not. Go to sleep Big Bird."

"G'night Baby Bird."

He shut his eyes again and tried to sink into the blanket. Jason mumbled something unintelligible and draped an arm over his torso. From his other side, Cass buried her face into his hair and curled up into herself.

Tim yawned, eyes watered. He so needed sleep. He breathed in the scent of Alfred's detergent on the blankets and their clothes as it lulled him into his dreamland.

Everything was good.

 

----------------------------- 

The next night, Jason had stored all the cheese and leftover meat in his mini freezer. Dick had somehow managed to find an oversized piece of bread and hid it away very carefully. Tim had made sure they got enough vegetables and tomatoes. And he had installed a camera in a dark corner of Bruce's room.

They were so gonna get yelled at.

But it'd be worth it.

Besides, the prank made Jason happy and less broody so he was not gonna deny his brother of this.

The clock struck three in the morning and the operation "Bruce the Sandwich" began.

After many discussions, they had argeed that getting past Damian, Cass and Alfred was the hardest. Making their dad into a sandwich (that sounded like murder, Jason loved it so much) was child play. But not like the movie. Nuh uh.

Almost ten minutes later and they had successfully completed their first task. The three carried the food to Bruce's bedroom and while Dick and Jason waited outside the door, Tim went to the kitchen to get the peanut butter jar. Just a small reminder of the the prank's precedence.

He came back not even three minutes later and they all crept into the man's room.

They started with filling the bed with meat and cheese, making sure nothing touched the man himself but as soon as he moved, all the squishy leftovers would startle the man out of his skin.

Tim got some peanut butter on the veggies and stuck them to Bruce's face and neck. He hoped it'd stick until morning. He then got some more using his thump and swiped it across his dad's forehead while whispering.

"Simba..."

Dick snorted from the foot of the bed and lost his balance, which resulted in him almost fell off the bed. Jason, who was next to him, put his hand over his mouth to stop himself from laughing. Tim could still hear a low chuckle coming from his brother's throat.

"If Bruce is Simba, then you are Rafiki." Jason said.

"Hey," Dick whispered. "The Bat King. Coming to theatres this 30th February."

"There's no 30th February."

"Yea no shit Sherlock. That's why I say it."

Bruce twitched slightly and Tim almost jumped on Jason. But the man soon returned to being still. Tim turned around, face scrunched up as if to tell his brothers to finish their prank.

"The bread."

"Oh right. Fuck! Where do I put it?"

"You're half sitting on it Dickhead. That goes on B's head dumbass."

"I didn't sit on it Little Wing."

"Uh huh. Sure..."

Tim placed the bread on Bruce's forehead. It did look a bit squashed. Oh well...

He booped Bruce's nose lightly with one finger which still had peanut butter on it. The man now sure looked like a lion with his coloured nose.

They discarded the tomato slices around and the final piece ended up on Bruce's nose. They tried to balance it but it always tipped over. So they out it on the bridge of the man's nose, right between his eyes.

Dick left behind a piece of paper saying:

"Here's your breakfast in bed. Bon appétit!"

Then they ran off into the night...

 

...and to the bathroom to wash their hands 'cause going to bed with dirty hands didn't seem so fun.

They were so doomed by the way.

3:54 in the morning now and they all but passed out on Jason's bed. Tim got sandwiched by his two older brothers. He didn't think he minded sleeping like this.

"Can't wait 'til morning." Dick murmured.

"This is morning ya dipshit." He heard Jason's low grumble and snuggled even further against his brother's chest.

"Can we sleep?"

"Fine. Listen to the little shit and sleep already Dickhead."

"Goodnight." Tim didn't even have the strength to tell Dick that it should have been "good morning".

 

They woke up to the sound of yelling.

Tim rubbed at his eyes and looked around in confusion for a few seconds before the memories came back to him.

"Holy shit! B's up!" Dick shouted excitedly and dragged him up, hitting Jason by accident, which made his second oldest brother growl at them.

"The prank, Jay. Get your ass up now!"

"Fucking hell Dick! Slow down."

"That's your prank dude! Do you want to see the result or not?!"

"Right, let's go."

They scrambled to their feet and dashed down the hall. Standing by the doorway of his room was Bruce, with veggies still sticking to his face, though one or two pieces had fallen already. The peanut butter on his forehead stayed intact.

Tim fished out his phone to take a bunch of pictures while Jason was still busy laughing at their dad's face. The man still looked confused and scared (which was unusual to others, not to his kids) with pieces of food randomly falling from his body to the floor.

Upon seeing them, Bruce bellowed.

"BOYS!"

"Shit, let's go before he gets food on us." Jason pushed him down the hallway and then they were running away.

"RICHARD JOHN, JASON PETER, TIMOTHY JACKSON, COME BACK HERE! YOU ARE ALL GROUNDED!"

"Dickie and I are adults!" Jason called back.

"Did you just..." Tim spluttered. "But I am not, Jay!"

"Yeah, your problem, kid."

"Oh fuck you. He's gonna ground you anyway."

"Hm sure..."

They hid in Tim's room and the older two barricaded the door and windows with his furniture, singing "Do You Hear The People Sing" while doing so.

"What we're gonna do with the pictures?" He heard Jason asked. Tim grinned.

"Just so you know, Twitter is going to have a field day."

End.