#slight rain storm vibes because that just felt right

[nhlportraits]

Quinn | image ref (x)

[kimistorm]

Dancing in the rain [Bang Chan]

Fandom: Stray Kids

Pairing: [Chan x GN! Reader]

Warnings: mentions of thunder, but it's depicted in a more serene view and not scary

Word count: 1.5 k

Requested by: SKZ8BLACKPINK4 on Quotev

Prompts: “Thanks, it's the insomnia."

Chan blinked awake when he heard the soft closing of the door to your shared room. He tiredly reached a hand towards your side of the bed and came up empty, but still slightly warm. It was one of those miraculous nights where the two of you were able to fall asleep at the same time, but it seemed like you had other plans.

He let out a yawn before sitting up in bed and looking around through nearly-closed eyes as he tried to figure out what was happening. It was still dark, and turning on his phone (through even more squinted eyes) told him it was a little after 4 am. He let out a groan from the fatigue still weighing down on his bones before falling face-first into his pillows. He was sure you’d come back, you were probably just getting water.

His eyes closed fully and he readjusted himself to get more comfortable, but it was no good. His mind was already awake. Felix said he was going to swing by later to drop off some cookies. And he needed to pester Changbin about sending him a sample of the rap he was putting together. What were you doing? He couldn’t hear the sounds of anything awake in the rest of your shared apartment. A cool beat started playing in his head and he tried to commit it to memory to transpose once he woke up. Maybe it was a beat that Han could use, he could imagine Han doing some lyrical rapping to it. Were you okay? It’s been a while. Oh, and is that thunder outside?

A groan of defeat emitted from his throat as he sat up fully and pulled himself out of bed. If he was awake, may as well try and do something productive. The carpeted floor was soft against his feet as he pulled open the door to the bedroom and headed out into the living area. He was going to head into the kitchen to grab a drink, but he noticed the door to the patio open, and that stopped him in his tracks.

He nearly let out a shriek when he saw someone on the balcony, but his brain caught up at the last second and realized it was just you. There was a warm smile on his face as he crossed the living room to see you on the balcony. Aided by the fact you left the door open, he silently slipped his arms around you and rested his chin on your shoulder in a back hug. “Sorry,” you rubbed at his arms that were around your waist, “did I wake you up?”

“It’s okay,” he murmured back in his warm, low voice. “What are you doing out here? It’s like 4 am.”

“As if you can argue against that,” you teased with a smile, “Mr. disastrous sleep schedule.”

He rolled his eyes at your jab, “thanks, it’s the insomnia. But,” he pressed a quick kiss to your cheek, “I’m still asking.” There was a flash of light followed by a rolling rumble that made him realize that yes. It was thunder storming outside.

“It’s raining.” He hummed in agreeance and nuzzled his face into your neck, “it’s wonderful.” You took in a deep breath and smiled as you inhaled the wet earth smell. The gentle pittering of the rain interrupted by thunder was all you could hear as down below, there was hardly a car on the street. There was another flash of lightning and you gasped as you saw it fork through the sky before there was a crack of thunder. “I kind of want to dance in it.”

That got Chan to open his eyes fully as he looked at you with concern and shock barely illuminated on his face. “You want to dance in it?” he repeated, not sure that he heard it in his still-waking-up state.

You stuck a hand beyond the balcony to let raindrops cover it and you were pleased to find it cool, but not hard. “It’s not bad. And tomorrow’s Saturday anyway.” Chan himself wasn’t super keen on getting wet in his clothes, especially because it was cold and he was definitely not going to wear swim trunks out there. “Do you want to dance with me?” But he was totally whipped for you. “It’ll be less than five minutes...probably.” He couldn't say no.

“Right now?” he couldn’t help but ask as he glanced down at his outfit to confirm that he was shirtless and in a pair of sweatpants.

You glanced at him with a bit of a spark in your eye as you nudged him, “after you put on a shirt.” You turned back to the rain wistfully, “it might pass soon.”

He gently tugged you back inside and you looked at him in confusion, “grab your keys.” You grinned at his small confirmation as you hurried to put on one of the light jackets you had left on the couch and your keys from the little box at the door. Chan emerged from your room with a light jacket covering his bare chest and the two of you slipped out of your apartment.

When you got outside, you let out a giggle of delight as you spun around under the downpour. It may have gotten harder, but you didn’t mind. Your sandal-clad feet stepped in several puddles and your joyful shouts seemed out of place in the otherwise silence of the night. You noticed Chan still standing apprehensively under the overhang in front of your apartment complex, “may I have this dance?” you asked as you extended a hand out to him.

His face melted into a smile as he looked at you nearly perfectly illuminated under one of the streetlights. “Can’t leave you hanging, can I?” he asked as he confidently stepped out to take your hand, “that wouldn’t be very gentlemanly of me.”

You smiled as the two of you did a janky version of the waltz under the falling rain. Your feet were soaked as you breezed through puddles and the sky continued to be punctuated with bursts of lightning and thunder. “Thanks Chan.” You murmured as you leaned into his chest, the two of you swaying in place.

“Anything for you babe.”

It was a gust of wind that caused you to sneeze that finally pulled the two of you back into the safety of the building. Your fingers were cold and clumsy as you shoved the key into the lock to gain access to your apartment and you couldn’t help but burst into laughter once the door shut.

“What?” Chan asked gently as he pulled you into another wet hug.

“Nothing.” You smiled, “just happy.”

Chan felt a smile grow on his face as well, your joy was just infectious like that. “I’m glad you’re happy.” He started pulling the two of you to the bathroom, “but let’s get dried off.”

It wasn’t long until the two of you were in dry, warm clothes and back in bed. You cooed as you ran your hand through his hair, as it got curly from the rain and the somewhat aggressive towel dry. “Felix is coming by later today.” Chan reported as the two of you cuddled and began to drift into sleep.

“K.”

Luckily for Chan, he was able to fall asleep. Though it felt like only minutes as he was woken up by rapid knocking and his phone vibrating wildly.

“Is that Felix?” you squinted as you stared at his phone. Your room was a lot brighter now that the sun had risen.

“Probably.” Chan groaned as he pulled himself out of bed. “You can go back to bed,” he protested when he noticed you were also crawling out.

“I’ll make breakfast.” You smiled as the two of you emerged from your room to answer the door.

“Took you long enough,” Changbin couldn’t help but bite in annoyance when Chan finally opened the door.

"You're not Felix."

Changbin scoffed, "feeling the welcome."

“Sorry,” Chan replied as he rubbed his face. "I thought Felix was coming over today."

“He is," Changbin agreed, "he was baking enough cookies to feed an army earlier today. Hey (y/n)!” your guest waved his hand as he noticed you in the kitchen making coffee.

“Hey Changbin, how’ve you been?”

“Did the two of you just wake up?” he asked as he looked between the two of you with slight eye bags and general ‘I just woke up’ vibes.

“Yeah.” Chan replied as he searched through the apartment for his laptop.

“Rough night?” Changbin asked with a smirk.

“Seo Changbin!” you shouted and threw a pot holder at him who easily ducked and ran away laughing.

Masterlist

AN: Oops, I did not mean to disappear for over a month. I'm sorry!! Haha but inspiration struck (as usual) in the middle of the night, so apologies if this is a little messy as it's completely unedited (I didn't want to leave you guys hanging ^^;). On another note more related to skz, NOEASY! So excited!! I'm loving Felix's big hat and Chan's been getting way too comfortable with crop tops. Are you sure you're foive sir?? xD

[xotonin]

A Valentine's day with Bakugo (part 2)

genre: fluff

words: 1,921

→ summary: your mind began to play tricks on you as you and bakugo try to get through the stormy night, somehow making you guys closer

note: gender-neutral reader

(you can start part two without having to read part one.)

pt. 2/2

━━━━━━━━━━━━━┛ ✠ ┗━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You jumped when the house began to shake from the thunder, hearing Bakugo chuckle from your panic.

“Shut up! I know that scared you too!” You yelled at him in the dark, stumbling to get up. You needed to find a flashlight.

“How the hell could you see if I got scared? It’s pitch black, dumbass.” He said, and you could hear the smirk in his voice.

You walked past him, irritated, and almost stumbled over his feet as you tried making your way to the room located across from you. “Help me find a flashlight.”

You heard him sigh and get up from the couch, obliging. His steps got farther away from you, so you guessed that he was walking to another room to find a flashlight. So you were going alone, great.

Not only were you afraid of the dark, but your mind got so anxious that you began to see things that weren’t there, or worse, that were there. You tried to hold your composure as you aimlessly wandered throughout the room, going to one of the dressers and randomly feeling around.

Shit. Where was it? You bit your lip, beginning to get frightened. You and the dark don’t mix, and when you’re terrified, the sound becomes amplified, and the air becomes cold around you.

Your heart began to beat quickly as your hand picked up the pace, feeling around in between the clothes and at the end of the drawer. Where was it? Where was it? You swore it was here. You hurriedly opened the drawer below, doing the same thing.

And as if you weren’t scared enough, you started to hear footsteps, only causing you to tremble more. Shit. Shit. Shit. Why were you afraid of the dark in the first place? It’s was so stu—

“Hey, I found a flashlight,” Bakugo said, clicking the flashlight on, illuminating the room.

You leaped from Bakugo’s voice, almost knocking something over as you jumped. Your heart practically skipped out of your chest. You turned your head towards Bakugo, giving him an upset look. “Don’t do that!”

“I didn’t mean to scare you that bad.”

“How could I not get that scared? I’m in the pitch black!” You shouted at him, shutting the drawer.

“You’re such a loser.”

You rolled your eyes, your breath way too fast to reply. You walked towards Bakugo, forcibly turning him around in the direction of the door and pushing him to your room.

It was only then when you realized that he used his phone for a flashlight. You guys traveled through the kitchen and to your room, shutting the door and finally exhaling, your breath becoming steady now.

“We should tell scary stories.” Bakugo echoed behind you, who went to sit on your bed.

“Oh, hell no.” You shook your head, turning around and making your way to sit across from him. “I’m already scared.”

“Oh, come on! It’s not like you’re alone!” He opened his arms to signal that he was in the room. He was right. You weren’t alone, but it was still dark.

You scratched the back of your head, contemplating whether if it was a good idea, and as long as the stories weren’t too scary, then—

“Plea—”

“Fine!” You interrupted him before he could say anything else. “Nothing too scary, okay?” You warned him.

He perked up, shining the light under his face. “I’ll try.”

You took a breath to prepare yourself as you got yourself comfortable, listening to his made-up story. Of course, he had to start with the scary cliche style and tell it in a dull voice. Weirdly enough, his voice set the tone of the story and made you shudder when he continued.

Suddenly, Bakugo pounced towards you, imitating a loud noise in the story. You jumped, putting your hands up in defense. “I told you not to do that!”

Bakugo laughed at your frightened soul. “I had to make sure you were paying attention.”

You shoved him in annoyance, your heart pounding. “Well, I certainly am now!”

“You are such a scaredy-cat.”

“I don’t care.” You said, wanting the conversation to end. “Go get me candy.”

Bakugo rolled his eyes, knowing how afraid you were of the dark, and got up, walking out the door without a debate. When you saw him fade into the darkness, the room began to get cold around you once again. Shit.

You grabbed your phone that was stirred in the sheets and clicked the button that turned on the flashlight. But this time, It didn’t turn on. Your heart began to pound once more, clicking the button vigorously. Why wasn’t it turning on?

“Shit-” You mumbled to yourself, looking around the blank empty room. “Come on, turn on-”

Suddenly, scratching at your window made you cringe. You shot your head towards the direction of the noise, knowing a branch was scraping it, but it only added more to the eery vibe. Your breathing began to accelerate as you hit the flashlight button more, and on the last and final time, it came on.

You shot the light up, moving it around the room, trembling. Nothing was there. Why were you scared?

You started to realize that Bakugo should be back by now; where was he? It had been way too long. You bit your lip, not wanting to call out his name. That would show weakness. And you surely weren’t going to walk out in the pitch black outside of your door.

Then unexpected footsteps got near, and you shone the light in the doorway, revealing Bakugo standing there with drinks and candy. He raised his arms to block the blinding light. “It’s just me, dumbass.”

You put your phone down, watching him enter, and shut the door. “Why did you take so long??”

“I got us drinks, so I won’t have to leave the room again.”

You got taken aback, not expecting him to think that far ahead. “Oh—” you replied, grabbing the water that Bakugo handed you. “Thanks.”

After getting settled in with the candy, you guys began bickering about how afraid you were when he left. You played tough guy, and Bakugo wasn’t buying it. A few minutes passed with the argument until you blurted out you wanted to play a board game.

You got up, picking a random board game on your bookshelf, and set it on the floor, beginning to take the pieces out. Bakugo joined you on the other side. You guys barely got settled in the game before you started to hear a dripping sound.

You scrunched your brows as your attention drew to the door, wondering why you could hear it from your room. Bakugo looked at you oddly, taking a glance at the door and back at you. “What?”

“Do you hear that?” You asked him, finally making eye contact.

He shook his head. “You’re just freaking out again.”

You sighed. You knew you were freaking out. Why would you hear the water now instead of earlier? It didn’t make sense.

You guys continued to mess with your game as the drip faded into the distance until you couldn’t hear it anymore. But instead, you felt your abdomen start to become tight. You clenched your jaw, cursing to yourself quietly.

“What now?” Bakugo grumbled once again.

“Come with me to the bathroom.” You said, beginning to stand up, grabbing Bakugo’s shirt to make him stand. He sighed, following your lead because he didn’t have much choice. You yanked him to the bathroom door placed in the hallway of your house.

“Stay here.” You growled at him slightly. “And—put your foot under the door.”

“I’m not doing that.”

“I swear to God, Bakugo, do it.”

“Okay!” He whined. “Just shut up and go.”

You hurried and shut the door, making sure to catch a glimpse of his foot that stayed under the door. You wasted no time relieving yourself quickly, and right as you were about to wash your hands, you shone the light to the bottom of the door again, and his foot wasn’t there anymore.

Your heart began to pound as you quickly tried to wash your hands as fast as you could. “Bakugo, I swear to fucking God, this isn’t funny.” You dried your hands on your clothes and aggressively opened the door, showing no sign of Bakugo.

Your heart dropped, and you quickly walked back to your room, shutting the door out of breath. “Okay, that wasn’t funny.” You said, turning around and shining the light in the room. He wasn’t in here either.

What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck? Your breathing began to quicken until you heard slight laughing coming from your closet.

You stormed your way over to the door, swinging it open and revealing an amused Bakugo. You clenched your jaw. “What the fuck was that?”

“You should have seen your dumb face.” Bakugo snickered.

“Don’t do that again. I mean it.” You warned him once again.

“Or what?” Bakugo cooed, leaning close to you.

You backed up. You had no idea what you would do, but you suddenly said the first thing that came to mind.

“Or I’ll kiss you!” You growled, thinking he wouldn’t want to kiss you.

Bakugo looked at you with wide eyes until a sly smirk plastered across his face. “That only drives me to scare you again.”

You rolled your eyes, annoyed by his jokes. You packed up the board game and put it back, heading back to your bed. Bakugo followed you, climbing on top and sitting beside you.

“I’m gonna head to sleep.” You told Bakugo, looking at him to get off the bed.

“Can I sleep with you?” He asked innocently.

“Why—”

“Because I’m scared.”

“No, you’re not.” Your face showed no emotion. You knew he was lying.

“Yes, I am! That’s why I went to the closet; I couldn’t stand outside the bathroom door.”

“I’m not buying you on this.” You rolled your eyes, turning to face away from him, pulling the blankets over you. You didn’t want to fight anymore. “Fine.”

You felt Bakugo get himself comfy behind you, and you start to tune into the rain outside. Long minutes passed by as you began to feel your body relax and feeling yourself falling asleep.

But suddenly, Bakugo jumpscares you, causing you to jolt awake. Your heart began to pound as you turned over, about to shout at him, but before you could say anything, your mouth was blocked by his lips.

He kissed you roughly for a few seconds before pulling away. “Got you.” He said with a mischievous smile before turning over and pulling the blankets over him.

You laid there, shocked, wondering what just happened. “Dude, I told you not to do that!”

“Can’t hear you. I’m sleeping.”

You clenched your jaw, turning around, upset. Your breathing began to slow down, and your heart rate went back to normal as you got drowsy again, and just when you started to fall asleep, you felt arms wrap around you. You groaned, trying to push Bakugo off, but only to get a sleepy groan from him back. He wasn’t budging.

You didn’t want to admit it, like seriously, you didn’t, but you liked the warmth.

You finally gave up the fight and let the heat surround you, making you feel somewhat safer, making you tired. It oddly felt softer than if Bakugo wasn’t there. And with that, you fell asleep, nuzzling your head into your pillow.

[mosswillow]

Learning To Love - Steve Rogers x Reader (featuring Texas vibes)

Summary: Life always does this thing where it puts you in situations you swore you were done experiencing. You’re done having relationships, but they may not be done with you.

Warnings: Smut, feelings, angst, interrupted assault  (In relation to this, attacker going unpunished, intimidation, stalker vibes.), mature themes, 18+ adult content, slow burn?

A/N: This is a gift for @joannie95 for the Hoelentine’s Day challenge! I hope you like it. This isn’t a dark fic but it is a little heavy, there’s a healthy dollop of anxiety and feelings throughout with a happy ending.

Thanks to  @amythedvdhoarder @chrissquares and @drabblewithfrannybarnes  for putting this whole thing together, it’s such a fun challenge!

By clicking keep reading you confirm you’re over 18. This is mature content, be careful.

Unlovable.

When asked to describe yourself it’s the first word you think of. Your very first boyfriend spent months emotionally abusing you and by the end of the relationship it’s what you truly believed about yourself. Every relationship after has been the same. Your insecurities and inability to trust causing tension that eventually sabotages any chance at making things work; and with each failed relationship your view of yourself becomes more and more loathsome. Self hatred and depreciation surround you in a cloak of misery, convincing you that they’re your friends.  It’s all your fault, you deserve all of it, You’re unlovable.

So you don’t do relationships anymore. You want nothing more than to love and be loved, to hold hands and kiss under the moonlight. You want a partner to share your life with, an emotional connection that transcends yourself, creating a whole new person.

If only you were good enough, worthy enough for love.

But you’re not.

---

“No eating in here Dr. Rogers,” you chide.

Steve looks up at you and gives a smirk.

“How about a little bribe.” He holds up a bag of beaver nuggets. You roll your eyes and look around before sticking your hand in and grabbing a few puffs.

“I knew you couldn’t be perfect all the time,” He teases.

“Don’t you have an office or something?”

“I like it better here, I get to be scolded by a beautiful librarian and don’t have to deal with the other professors.”  

You’ve known Steve for years. He started teaching at the same time you joined the library staff at Rice. He’s genuine and kind. You’ve watched him help countless students outside of office hours. Everyone likes him, including you. You really like him a lot. That’s why you can’t let yourself entertain the possibility of being with him. You can’t lose him. You can’t bear the inevitable conclusion of him looking you in the eyes and telling you he’s done, that you’re too much for him.

“Well you’ll have to pack it up, they’re sending everyone home because of the hurricane.”

“It’s barely even a hurricane, more like a tropical storm,” Steve scoffs.

“Sorry, I don’t make the rules.”

You close the library down before heading to your car. The wind has already started and the sky darkens by the second. You smell the slight scent of sea air and know it’s close. The humidity, which you forgot could even get this bad, causes you to start sweating profusely and you want to get home and take a shower before the storm starts. You have a pint of blue bell waiting for you at home along with a stack of unread books, a quiet night sounds perfect.

“Hey.”

You whip around and see a familiar face, a grad student who visits the library often. Alex, you remember.

“Sorry, I just closed the library down. You'll have to wait until the school opens.”

He takes a small step forward, close enough that your personal space is violated, while at the same time far enough to where the invasion feels almost accidental.

“I’ve watched you around campus, noticed your schedule.” It’s not an accident.

It’s not unusual for students to flirt with you but this is less flirting and more just creepy.

“Oh, um yeah I work a lot.” you take a step back and he follows.

“You don’t have a boyfriend.” He states.

You stare at him and take another step back, hitting your back on your car. You grab onto the handle and he reaches out and grabs your hand.

“Hey don’t be like that. I’m a good guy. I won’t hurt you.”

You pry your hand away..

“One date, say yes.” He says, slowly pushing his body towards you.

“No, I have to go.”  

You press yourself against your car as his body goes rigid.

“You’re such a fucking tease, parading around me for weeks.”

He takes a tiny step back but places his hands against your car, caging you in. You close your eyes and freeze in fear. Your mind screams at you to move but your body just won’t.

He’s suddenly pulled away from you and when you open your eyes the only thing visible is Steve’s back.

“She said no, why don’t you move along and maybe spend some time considering why you feel entitled to women who clearly aren’t interested.”

Alex and Steve stare at each other for a few slow moments before Alex scowls at you and walks away.

“Are you ok?” Steve turns to you.

“I’m fine.” you lie, crossing your arms to avoid shaking.

Steve raises his eyebrows and looks you up and down. You’re not entirely sure how it happens but somehow you end up sitting in the passenger seat of Steve's truck, looking at your apartment building. Rain has started coming down in earnest and you dread running through it.

“Are you going to be ok alone?” Steve asks

“Are you?” You reply.

You look at eachother and your mind clears. His blue eyes stare at you with concern. Steve's hands are still on the steering wheel, clutching on like it might disappear if he lets go. You don’t want to be alone and you can tell that he doesn’t either. You want to feel safe and right now Steve is the only one who makes you feel that way. It would be so easy to invite him in, you know he would say yes.

“You don’t have a car. do you have food? Bottled water? A portable charger?” Steve asks.

“You’re the one that said it’s barely a hurricane.”

Steve sighs and releases his hands from the steering wheel.

“Just call me if you need me.”

You nod and climb out of the truck. The transition from the hot rain to your air conditioned apartment causes you to start shivering and even after you change and cover yourself in a warm blanket you still shake uncontrollably.

---

The storm lasts three days, worse than you were expecting but nothing like Harvey.

Steve shows up at your apartment bright and early a bag of conchas and breakfast tacos in hand. You climb in his truck and buckle your seatbelt. Steve eyes your book bag before backing up.

“You’re not going to work are you?”

“It’s been three days.” you reply.

He looks at you like you’re crazy and you shift uncomfortably in your seat.

“It wasn’t that bad, you got there before anything actually happened,” you say.

He opens his mouth and breathes in before biting his lip and driving you to work without another word.

Steve walks you to your car every day after work. You don’t ask him to, he just does. It’s an unsaid expectation you both have. The first week is awkward, You both say almost nothing to each other. The second week though Steve finally breaks the silence.

“How have you been?”

You shrug.  

“I filed a complaint. He’s barred from the library and promised not to come near me.” you say.

Steve purses his lips.

“Do you feel safe though?”

“No...”

Steve stiffens and you reach out and grasp his shoulder.

“Thank you for walking me to my car.”

“Of course,” Steve closes the door for you and you drive away.

Steve cracked something on your exterior. You had been pushing off the feelings before Steve asked you how you were and now you can’t push them down any longer. You get in the shower and let the warm water wash over you. At first you feel raw and then angry and then for the first time since it happened you cry. It feels silly, to let something so seemingly small affect you so much. It could have been so much worse, it’s not like anything actually happened. Maybe that’s what scares you, not what happened but the implication of what could have. He invaded your space and intimidated you, making you feel small and helpless. If it wasn’t for Steve…

You let yourself fall apart until the water turns cold, then you pick yourself up and wrap yourself in a soft towel.

You look at the woman in your bathroom mirror and see someone who isn’t you. She’s broken and hurting, her eyes swollen from crying. She looks like she’s about to fall over from exhaustion. She didn’t deserve what happened to her. She has every right to feel upset and frightened about it. She didn’t deserve to have her safety threatened, nobody deserves that.

You didn’t deserve it.

You go to work the next day and the day after that. Days turn into weeks turn into months and the fear slowly leaches out of you as you reach out for help. The woman in your bathroom mirror deserves therapy and so do you.

Steve is always there. He walks you to your car every day. He starts texting you and you text him back. You go out to dinner with him, an ethiopian place this weekend and a mediteranian food truck the next. You form inside jokes and slowly you find yourself telling Steve little things about yourself.

“Why are you single?” You ask him one day.

“I had a girlfriend, she’s not with us anymore. After she… I guess I just… I wasn’t in a place for a long time to date anyone, I cringe now at some of the things I did while dating after she passed.”

He leans back and gives you a little smile.

“I’ll know when it’s the right time to jump back in - when it’s the right person.”

You open up about your past and he listens. He tells you about growing up as the smallest kid in his class, how he was bullied and how suddenly people started treating him differently when he hit a late growth spurt. You feel closer to him than you’ve ever felt with anyone.

---

Steve walks you to your car. Tomorrow is your off day and you stop to thank him and remind him you aren’t working the next few days. He’s looking at you and shifts on his feet, you furrow your brows in concern.

“It’s Valentine's day tomorrow.” He blurts out.

You take a step towards your car, knowing where this is going and not wanting it to go any further.

Steve is the one who holds you together, his friendship helping you in so many ways. He holds power over you though, power to throw you aside and break you apart. You can’t be cast away, not again.

“If you don’t have plans maybe I can make you something for dinner at my place?”

You turn away and grab your door handle.

“Sorry, I’m busy.”

“Oh of course, yeah that’s fine.”

You watch Steve bring his hand up to his forehead in the rearview mirror as you drive away.

That evening you write the text, it’s cowardly but you don’t think you can face him.

I don’t need you to walk me to my car anymore. Thank you for your help but I think our relationship should be professional from here on out.

What? No, we’re friends. Are you ok?

You turn your phone off and take a sleeping pill only to be woken in the middle of the night by pounding on your door.

Steve stands in your doorway. His eyes are red and his hair is messy. He takes a deep breath and runs his hand through his hair.

“You weren’t answering your phone.”

“I turned it off.”

Steve stares at you and you look away.

“What is this about?”

“What is what about?”

“We’re friends. I’m not going to stop being your friend just because you don’t want a relationship. I know this isn’t one sided, that you feel the same way about me. Why are you trying to push me away?”

You cross your arms and look down and he leans over, putting himself in your line of sight.

“If I let you in I’ll get hurt,” you confess.

“Why do you think that?”

‘I..” You stutter

It’s not one moment. Not any one breakup you’ve been through. It’s not even what happened months ago during the hurricane. It’s everything. It’s self hatred, overthinking and analyzing. It’s all the anxiety and stress of life that compounds into fear. Fear of failing and of loss, of getting hurt and breaking. You feel like the only way to keep yourself up and moving is by pushing him away.

“You’re so scared of being hurt but Y/N, you’re hurting. You’re doing to yourself the very thing you’re so scared of.”

Tears start forming, Steve brings his hand up and wipes one away before pulling you into a hug and letting you cry into his chest.

He shifts his face close to your ear and speaks softly.

“I have fear too, but you know what I’m the most scared of? I’m scared of not being your friend anymore. We don’t have to be in a relationship but please don’t cut me out.”

His voice hitches and his grip tightens.

“I love you, I care about you and always will.”

You pull back and look at him, a tear escapes one of his eyes and he promptly wipes it away.

“I’m scared,” you say.

“I am too.”

Your heart beats rapidly as you look up into Steve's bloodshot eyes and see the pain that you’re feeling mirrored back at you. Steve holds power over you but for the first time you realize that you hold that same power over him. You never thought you would be willing to put yourself in a vulnerable position again but somehow, here you are. You put your hand over your heart and feel the life pump out if it and through your veins.

reaching up tentatively, you bring your hand to his face grabbing his cheek gently. You stand up tall and slide your hand behind his neck, bringing him in and kissing him. Tension releases from both of you as you press your lips together, embracing in a warm hug. You pull away and he brings you in for another kiss, this time pushing you into your apartment and kicking the door closed behind him.

It’s a flurry of body parts and heat. You’re ripping off each other's clothing. Steve kisses your neck and you bring your hand to his chest and feel down his abdomen. He groans when you get to his dick and the next thing you know you’re on the bed arching your back as he slams into you. You open your mouth to moan but nothing comes out, Instead your eyes roll to the back of your head as an orgasm washes through you and carries you away.

“Fuck, I’m coming,” He says.

He stills on top of you and then looks down making eye contact before rolling beside you and pulling you into a hug.

“That was...” Steve starts

“Amazing.” you finish.

You pry yourself from Steve and walk to the bathroom to clean up, stopping at the mirror to look at your post sex appearance.

Maybe there’s no way around it. Maybe life will stick you in situations and force you forward against your will. You weren’t trying to let Steve into your life but somehow here he is.

For the first time you don’t don’t feel like this unlovable person. You’re not scared he’s going to leave you or that you’re going to ruin the relationship.

You have a feeling you’ve never truly experienced before and now it all makes sense. Somehow in the last few months you’ve learned to love. You look at yourself in the mirror and see someone worthy.

You’ve spent all your time and energy pushing people away when you should have been building yourself up. You thought that taking care of yourself meant hiding away and putting up a wall.

Self care isn’t a bubble bath or a glass of wine and It’s not something that happens out of fear or anxiety. It’s affording yourself the same kindness and forgiveness that you would give anyone else. It’s looking at yourself in the mirror and recognizing that you deserve to love and to be loved. It’s giving yourself permission to feel however you feel without guilt or shame. It’s love in its purest form and you deserve it.

You are not unlovable.

Steve walks up beside you and kisses your temple.

“When you said you loved me...” you start.

“I meant it.”  He says quickly.

You turn and look at him, biting your lip before saying something you’ve been so scared of for so long. You kiss his cheek and smile.

“I love you.”  

[passionfruitbowls]

just this once

Summary:

She held her breath as their eyes locked, praying that she wasn’t about to make a big mistake.

“Luz?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you?”

Rated: G Pairing(s): Lumity Word count: 829

A/N: ngl this kind of gives me the same vibes as the “only one bed” trope, but this isn’t a hotel setting nor is there one bed, so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Read on AO3

—————————

Amity Blight was a lot of things, but stupid certainly wasn’t one of them. She knew there were certain things that friends just didn’t do. Like kissing, or telling one another that they were meant to be together.

But that didn’t stop her from thinking about doing those things. A girl could dream, right? Besides, it wasn’t like she would ever find the courage to tell Luz that she wanted to hold her and kiss her senseless and whisper a hushed ‘I love you’ in her ear. That was something couples did, and they weren’t a couple. Just friends.

“You okay, Amity?” Luz asked suddenly as she huddled further into her sleeping bag. “You’ve gone kind of quiet.”

“Oh! Y-yeah, I’m fine. Perfectly fine.” Amity stuttered, her cheeks turning pink with embarrassment.

Luz studied her carefully for a moment, an unreadable expression on her face, before closing her eyes and letting her head rest on the pillow again. She was the one who first proposed the idea of a camping trip to the woods - apparently there was something ‘amazing’ about being huddled up in a tent at night when it was cold and wet that Amity had yet to understand.  

Willow and Gus were also supposed to go with them, but at the last moment something very important apparently popped up that they needed to go and deal with ‘right away’ (Amity didn’t buy it though. She had seen the cheeky, all-too-knowing grins on their faces).

For a short while, neither of them said anything, but the weather outside grew harsher. The rain pounded against the roof of their tent, and a strong gust of wind sent chills through Amity’s bones, making her teeth chatter.

Luz was the one who finally broke the silence.

“Hey, can I… ask you something?”

There was a slight quiver in her voice that confirmed what Amity had already suspected: they were both equally as nervous as the other.  

“Yes, anything.” she said, holding her breath.

“This... whole thing that’s been going on recently, it’s…” Luz sighed quietly as her shoulders sagged, “I dunno, it’s getting to me. I’ve been…. thinking. A lot.”

Amity stared at Luz in confusion. Had something happened lately that she didn’t know about? Should she have noticed sooner?

Propping herself up onto her elbows, she leaned in closer and lowered her voice.

“Thinking about what?”

Luz sat up too so that they were level and made a vague gesture with her hands.

“You. Me. Us… people talk, y’know. I don’t really want them thinking we’re something when we’re not.”

“You mean like a…” Amity began, her voice trailing off slowly. The words still hung there, waiting to be said, but neither of them were willing to admit it.

Eventually Luz cleared her throat and spoke up again.

“Erm, out of curiosity… if we were to become a- a couple... that wouldn’t be a bad thing, would it?”

Amity nearly shed a tear at how anxious Luz seemed, and had to resist the urge to pull her in for a hug.

She might not have been able pinpoint when exactly she had fallen for Luz, but she certainly knew why. It was because of… well, everything about her, from her vibrant smile and laughter to the way she always managed to cheer others up, never afraid to try something new. She had given Amity something she didn’t know she needed: hope. To see her sitting there like that, so quiet and unsure of herself, made her heart break.

The problem was, they had been dancing around each other for so long now - would she even be willing to give her a chance?

She held her breath as their eyes locked, praying that she wasn’t about to make a big mistake.

“Luz?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you?”

For a couple of moments, there was no answer, and Amity quickly began to panic.

Oh please, nonono, I’ve messed up, I’ve messed up so bad-  

Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder, and when she opened her eyes she saw that Luz was smiling at her lovingly. All her previous worries were washed away as they both leaned in closer, until their noses were touching.

“Yes.”

Amity smiled back at Luz before finally closing the remaining distance between them.

It was a short and sweet kiss, but by the time it was over their faces were flushed bright red and they couldn’t help but giggle happily to themselves.

“Maybe this was Willow and Gus’ plan all along,” Luz whispered with a mischievous glint in her eyes. Amity hummed in response and bumped their foreheads together playfully.

“Maybe it was.” she said, taking Luz’s hand in hers as they both lay down on the sleeping bags. The storm outside seemed to have finally calmed down, meaning they could at long last get some rest. Amity grinned and slowly allowed herself to drift off to sleep - she would certainly have a good dream tonight.

[madsthewordclown]

Fire Lily | Pt. 11

warnings: slight angst I guess?

a/n: this chapter is a bit shorter than the last two I believe. It’s mainly just Y/N having some bonding moments with the Gaang. I honestly feel like she’d vibe with all of them in different ways? Anyway, I’m excited. This is set during The Awakening.

Fire Lily Masterlist

Y/N almost wanting to cry with relief as she took off the Fire Nation armor. The ship had stopped in the port of a village and Toph and Sokka had invited her to come along to find dinner. Hakoda had said that the armor wouldn’t be necessary for the trip, so Y/N would get to put it away for the night.

Maybe she’d be able to find a shirt while they were in town. She had a small amount of money of her own—she had offered it to be used for the crew, but for whatever reason, Hakoda had declined. Y/N had a hard time figuring out Hakoda. If their roles were switched, she probably wouldn’t have trusted him. But he was treating her no differently than the others.

“Ready to go?” Katara asked, peeking her head in the doorway of the room they shared.

“Yeah.” Y/N eyed the hook swords that laid next to her cot. She made the difficult decision not to bring them. They were far enough into Fire Nation territory that her bending probably wouldn’t be questioned. Plus, they had Toph.

Y/N met Katara, Sokka, and Toph in the hallway outside of their shared room.

“Let’s see if Aang wants to go with us,” Katara suggested, her expression pained. Even though Aang was awake, Katara will still obviously worried about his condition. The kid seemed to have a tendency to overexert himself.

Y/N and the others followed Katara to one of the upper levels of the ship. Toph handed her a brown cloak on the way. “Better safe than sorry,” she explained.

Y/N tugged the cloak over her shoulders and secured the clasp. They finally came to a stop in front of a metal door similar to their own. Katara knocked softly before entering. Y/N and the others followed.

“Hey, Aang! We’re going into town to find some dinner if you want to come!” Toph smiled at Aang, who was leaning back on his own cot.

“I am pretty hungry.” Aang sat up, a hand on his stomach. He was obviously still a bit weak, and it made Y/N’s hands feel jittery.

Sokka stepped forward, holding out a piece of cloth to Aang.

“Here, put this on. It’ll cover your arrow.” The arrow was already mostly covered by Aang’s hair. Y/N didn’t think it looked right on him, although she had only seen him twice before the battle with Azula.

Aang looked affronted, flopping back down onto his mattress. “I’m not going out if I can’t wear my arrow proudly.” It made Y/N’s heart twinge. She couldn’t begin to understand what Aang was facing. It was enough to fight a war without having to let go of your own culture’s traditions.

“Aang, come on,” Sokka pushed. “Be practical.”

“Go ahead without us,” Katara said softly, putting a hand on Sokka’s shoulder before turning to Aang. “We’ll catch up.”

Y/N averted her eyes, feeling like an intrusion. Sokka nodded. Y/N was startled to feel Toph grab onto her hand to pull her from the room, the door shutting softly behind them.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m starving,” Sokka announced. Y/N hummed in agreement. They hadn’t been able to stop yesterday, so they were living on leftovers. Plus, they weren’t able to eat regular meals. As it turned out, the Fire Nation didn’t respect their schedule.

The three made their way up to the deck of the ship, the port they’d landed in visible. There weren’t many people out and about, from what Y/N could tell.

“Is this a true Fire Nation island? Or a colony?” Y/N asked aloud.

“I think it’s a colony.” Sokka threw the hood of his own cloak up over his head. “We’re too close to Earth Kingdom mainland. The important thing is there are no soldiers.”

“Well, we’re here,” Toph pointed out. “All of the villagers must think we’re soldiers.”

“Oh, yeah. I guess you’re right.” Sokka led the way down the gangplank and onto the wooden dock. “C’mon, let’s find the market.”

They continued to walk into the streets of the village. While there weren’t many people around, Y/N noticed a few faces peeking from windows. They looked to be Earth Kingdom citizens. Y/N noticed a woman and child in the Fire Nation’s signature red walking down the street calmly.

“Have you ever been to the colonies before?” While Y/N hadn’t technically lived in the colonies, she had lived right on the outskirts. Her father’s estate was still Earth Kingdom territory, although they were still subject to the occasional visits from Fire Nation soldiers. But the village they went to for food, and where Bihun went to school, was Fire Nation territory.

“No. They seem like a bit of a drag,” Toph admitted, kicking a stray pebble in front of her.

“This one must be pretty new,” Y/N mumbled, looking around at the darkened houses.

“What makes you say that?” Sokka questioned.

“When I was little, the village near my house was a lot like this. Earth Kingdom citizens were afraid to leave their homes. The Fire Nation people, not just the soldiers, constantly belittled us. There was a Fire Nation boy that picked on me at the market once when I was little.

“But it’s not like that anymore. It took a while, but it became a lot more like everyone was coexisting. My older brother went to school with Fire Nation kids. Most kids stuck to their cliques, and it wasn’t always peaceful, but… it was getting better. Or at least, it was before I left. This is more like an occupation.”

“Huh. That’s… interesting,” Sokka hummed.

“The soldiers definitely caused more trouble than anything. But people are just people. Eventually, they’ll figure out how to coexist as long as someone isn’t pitting them against each other.”

“That’s an interesting perspective,” Toph observed.

“I hope I can go back once the war is over.” It was the first time Y/N really had an idea for what came after. “I want to find my brother and see my family again.” The dream Y/N had the night before came back to her. Boiling rock. She could tell that Sokka wanted to ask what she meant about her brother and was grateful when he kept it to himself.

“Look!” Toph pointed suddenly. In front of them, a man was rolling a cart full of bags of rice across the road.

“Yes!” Sokka punched the air in victory. “Food!”

“Finally.” Y/N smiled, feeling her heart flutter as she set off running alongside Sokka and Toph to catch up to the man.

---

The Avatar was gone. It was probably the worst-case scenario. They had pulled out of port and were on their way when Katara went to bring Aang a tray of food. The wind had picked up, and the weather seemed to be going bad. The added wind going west was helping the ship move along at a very quick pace. Sokka said that they’d probably officially be in the Fire Nation within hours.

Y/N watched the stormy skies with a furrowed brow. Aang had taken his glider. The added factor of the turbulent weather made it that much worse. It was already dark from the setting sun, covered by the dark clouds. Y/N remembered how weak he still appeared and shuddered. He hadn’t eaten anything before he left, either.

Y/N pulled her cloak tighter around her body to shield herself from the wind. The ship lurched in the water, and suddenly Y/N regretted eating so much rice. She could tell that Toph felt the same as the girl held her stomach.

“He can’t have gone far,” Y/N reasoned, approaching Katara, who was obviously beside herself. “I’m sure he must have found land not too far from here.”

“We have to find him,” Katara stated simply, her eyes severe. Y/N put a hand on the other girl’s shoulder in an attempt to be comforting.

“And we will. We just have to wait for the storm to die down. I’m sure your dad and Sokka have a pretty good idea of where we are.”

Katara’s face darkened more at the mention of her father. Y/N sighed.

“I don’t mean to intrude, but… why are you mad at him?”

“It’s just…” Katara bit her lip, glancing towards the floor. “After our mom died, Sokka and I were so lost. And then Dad had to leave, and I understand why, I really do, but… we needed him.”

“I think it’s okay to be a bit mad.” Y/N looked out at the dark water. “It isn’t really his fault, I guess. He had to leave. But you’re allowed to feel that way.”

“But I shouldn’t be mad at him,” Katara argued. “I know he had to leave.”

“That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt.” Y/N thought of her own father. He would have left, too, if he were asked to fight. “But he did leave for you. He probably hoped that you wouldn’t have to fight. My father never wanted my brother and I to have to fight.

“He tried to keep us away from it all for so long. I didn’t even go to school because he was worried about my bending being discovered. And he was doing what was best for us, and I see that now. But I never had friends, and despite everything he tried to help me, I’m still scared of what I am. And that hurts. But I still love him, and I forgive him for all of it, because now I understand that he just wanted my brother and I to be okay.”

Y/N had surprised herself with how much talking she had done. “I’m sorry,” Y/N backtracked. “That probably wasn’t super helpful.”

“No.” Katara smiled. “Thank you, for talking to me.”

Y/N looked up as the rain finally began to fall, pelting the hull of the ship as the vessel swayed on the sea.

“Come on,” Katara offered, lifting her hands and waterbending the droplets away from them. “Let’s go inside. We’ll find Aang as soon as it stops.”

---

“This is the only area he could have landed.” Sokka pointed at the spot on the map. Y/N lit another lantern as she, Katara, Toph, and Sokka sat in the captain’s room with Hakoda and Bato. “Any other spot is too far away.”

“That’s too big of an area,” Katara protested, the worry still evident on her face. Toph yawned. They had all been awoken as soon as the rain had stopped, which turned out to be right before the crack of dawn.

“The wind was blowing to the northwest,” Y/N piped up, eying the map as she lit another lantern. “And with his condition he probably couldn’t be far from the coastline. He probably landed somewhere in the center of that region, because we were about—” Y/N pointed to a spot on the map— “here when the storm started, and he would’ve had to slow down when the rain started. And with the possibility of lightning, he’d have to have been flying pretty low.”

The others stared at Y/N for a moment in shock. Y/N shrugged. “I spent a lot of time in the library.” Her mother had spent countless hours tutoring her, since she couldn’t go to school. Bihun was convinced Y/N learned more at home than he did at school.

“I’ve also done a lot of traveling recently,” Y/N added, feeling her cheeks warm slightly.

“Alright,” Hakoda coughed. “We’ll head in and drop you kids off there. You can find Aang and then lay low, and we’ll meet you again later for the invasion.”

“Thanks, Dad.” Sokka stood, pulling Hakoda and Katara into a hug. Y/N’s heart ached, suddenly feeling the strong absence of her own family. It had been so long since they’d all been under the same roof.

“Let’s go,” Katara said determinedly as Sokka and Hakoda let go.

Katara gave the ship fog cover just in case as they creeped closer to land. Y/N was in awe of the land in front of them. It was rocky, with jagged hills. Y/N thought she could see the orange glow of lava in the distance. They were definitely in the Fire Nation.

The ship moved as close to the land as possible, letting the gangplank fall down into the shallow water. Katara did the rest, parting a dry path across the sand.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?” Y/N checked with Hakoda one more time. She knew it was valuable having a firebender on the ship.

“Go,” Hakoda insisted. “We can handle it. And we don’t want people to come around asking too many questions about Captain Yai.” Hakoda smiled. “Besides, my kids seem to like you.”

“Thank you,” Y/N said gratefully, reaching to shake Hakoda’s hand. Before she could react, Hakoda was pulling her into a brief hug.

“Take care of them, and we’ll see you in a few weeks,” he said.

“I will,” Y/N promised. She would do her best. She’d already failed once before at taking care of her friends, and she wasn’t eager to fail again.

“Coming, Captain?” Toph called from down in the sand where she was waiting with Sokka and Katara.

“Yeah,” Y/N shouted back, walking down the gangplank. When she hit the sand, she turned to and waved goodbye to the others on the ship. “Let’s find Aang.”

Fire Lily Masterlist

taglist: @kaylove12, @akariblue, @wolfiemichele, @aquatickanye, @sunflowerr-mami, @nadiblue

[hiskittyyywrites]

Jeep Bang

Iwaizumi x F!reader NSFW

MINORS!! DNI!!

a/n; Ayeee heres my second Iwa smut! Slowly but surely getting comfortable writing fics. Also I added "Oakland" because this song is such a vibe! Also just gives me California vibes. Hope yall enjoy!

warnings: car sex, semi public sex, male receiving, rough sex

---------------

You and Iwa finally have a free weekend. Due to midterms, you haven't been to spend time with each other like you usually would. He called you in the middle of the week to tell you that he found this amazing hiking trail with breathtaking views! He was taking you there on Saturday. You were so pumped not only to see your boyfriend but you've been wanting to go on a good hike for some time now.

Saturday morning is here and Iwa is here to pick you up. He gives you a kiss as soon as you jump in his Jeep. "I'm glad you agreed to come on this trip with me." He said as he started down the road. "Of course! You know I've been waiting to go on a good hike lately. Plus I really just need a break from reality for a weekend" He chuckled. "Yes, I'm very much aware, baby girl. Hopefully, you love this trail as much as I do" With his hand gripping on your thigh, y’all start the drive to the trail. The starting point was about an hour away from your apartment. It was a very peaceful drive. Telegraph Ave by Childish Gambino is softly playing in the background. The both of you catching up on the week, talking about midterms, and just enjoying the warm breeze from the drive.

Finally, y'all reach your destination. You both jump out of the car to stretch for a bit. As you bend over to touch your toes, Iwa walks up behind you and smacks you on your ass. "Iwaizumi!" You gasped as you straightened up. "Sorry. I've just missed you recently….and your ass looks great in those leggings." He winked at you as he grabbed the water bottles from the back seat. "Alright let's go before the storm hits later!"

You both head towards the walking path when you hear a CLACKKK!! Lightning had struck across the sky followed by the rumble of the thunder. The next thing you knew, you were completely soaked by the rain. Iwa takes your hand and runs for the car. "Quick! Jump in the back seat. I have some towels back there!" He opens the door as you slide in. He quickly runs around to the other side and hops in. 

Iwa hands you one of his beach towels. "Here you can use this to help dry off." You accept the towel and start rubbing it all over your body. Iwa doing the same with his towel. After you've finished drying what you could, you felt a slight cold chill and you began to shiver. Iwa saw that and responded quickly. "Hey, baby are you cold? Come closer so I can warm you up." He takes your hand and pulls your wet body into his lap. He takes the towel from your hands, using it to wrap you up as he pulls you into his muscular arms.

He rubs you back trying to create friction to keep you warm. Iwa sighed "I didn't even think to check the weather. Ugh, what a Shittykawa move. I'm sorry baby girl.." You let out a heavy breath. "It's alright. I love the rain! Besides being soaking wet, this is pretty relaxing."

 All you could hear was the rain pelting against the window and his light humming. Your head is leaning on his shoulder, staring at his neck. Even from being out in the pouring rain, you can still smell his intoxicating cologne. You inhale deeply. 'Montblanc legend...the Night version.' UGH, he KNOWS what that cologne does to you. Why did he even wear that for a hiking trip? You feel the warmth between your thighs start to grow.

You notice water slowly running down from this dark hair onto his olive-toned skin. You couldn't help but lean towards him and lick the water droplet on his neck.

Iwa stiffened at the sudden moment then relaxed as you continued to suck on his neck. You feel a vibration as you start to nibble on his neck. You know he hates hickies but who told him to wear that cologne? That's his problem for later.

You reposition yourself so your legs are on either side of his thighs. You start to turn back to his neck when he redirects your lips to his. The kiss was soft but very needy. As the thunder clashes outside, Iwa's hot hands are roaming all over your body. His hands traveled from gripping on your thighs, squeezing your plump ass, then pushing your tank top over your head.

Iwa leans in towards your breasts. He licks your left nipple then takes it in his mouth. You moan as he starts to suck on your nipple. You feel his hand tangle in your hair when suddenly your head is yanked backward. Iwa had grabbed a fistful of your hair forcing you to look him in the eyes.

"You left a mark on my neck, didn't you?" Your eyes wander to the very noticeable purple mark on him. You chuckled "There's a possibility." He narrowed his eyes at you. "Ahh I see the brat is back. My baby girl knows better but this brat? I'll have to show her a thing or two."

Next thing you knew, you were choking on Iwa's long meaty cock. He has a firm grip on your hair with one as he guides your mouth on his dick. His other hand is playing with your swollen clit. He then slides two fingers into your wet folds. You let out a moan, vibrating his cock. "Fuck baby. Are you wet just from sucking me off? I know that's not from the rain." He smirks as you gag on him again. He inserts a third finger and begins to pump in and out of you. You can't control your moans now. They're growing louder with each pump. You're on the brink of climaxing when he pulls his fingers out of you. You let out a sigh of frustration as you release his dick from your mouth with a pop. He chuckles. "You're not cumming on my fingers today. Get that ass of yours up here!" He gives your butt a hard smack as he drags you onto his lap.

You pull him into a kiss as he teases your entrance with his cock. He pulls away and looks you in the eye. "Want my dick pretty girl?" "Yes…" You moaned. Iwa smacks your ass again. "Ask correctly." You moan as you felt the sting linger on your plump cheek. "Please fuck me Hajime…" Iwa had a wide grin now. He loves it when you call him by his first name. Especially when you moaned it. "Atta girl." He says as he slams his slick dick into you.

You let a low scream as he begins to rail into you. You immediately grab the oh shit bar because, oh shit, he was really fucking the shit out of you. Your balance with your other hand on his shoulder. He grunts as your nails digs into his shoulder. Both of his hands gripping into your hips. As you bounce on his lap, Iwa takes a nipple into his mouth. "Fuckkk Hajime. I'm gonna cum soon!" He bites your nipple before releasing it. "Go ahead, baby girl. Cum on my dick." He took one hand off your hip and rubbed your swollen bud. This sent electricity through your body. Iwa thrust even faster into you. "HAJIMEEEE" Your slick walls squeezed around Iwa as your orgasm hits you like a brick. 

Iwa still thrusting into you as your walls clench around him. "Fuck y/n! You're so tight right now." He pauses briefly to turn you around so that your back is leaning against his chest. You sink into his chest from exhaustion, feeling his 6 pack raking against your back. He hooks one arm under your thigh while the other hand grazes over your very sensitive bud. You flinch from the overstimulation then moan as he begins to rub your clit. You throw your head back against his shoulder. You feel your orgasm creeping back up. Iwa chuckles as he leans into your ear. "You're about to cum again, aren't you, baby girl?" At a loss for words you just nod your head. "Let me help you then.." 

He removed his hand from your clit. Hooking his arm and lifting your thigh up, he hoists you up some more before slamming his cock into you. He holds you in place as he thrusts up into your cunt at a fast pace. "Fuck baby I'm gonna cum. Cum with me!" He bites into your shoulder. "Oh fuck me! Hajimeeee…!" You scream as you release around his cock for the second time. He thrusts into you a few more times before releasing his hot seed into your womb. You both are breathing heavy as Iwa slowly pulls out of you. You feel his cum slowly pour out of your hole. He sets you down gently on his lap, and reaches over on the seat for the towel. You feel him wipe away the mess you both made in between your thighs. He tosses it aside and grabs a dry towel to wrap you up in. He pulls you in close and kisses your forehead. The rain has stopped by this point but you can still hear thunder. 

"Well so much for our hiking trip. How about we go back to my place? I can run you a hot bath, order some pizza, and watch that Disney movie you love so much." You sigh from exhaustion but shoot him a smile. "Sounds perfect to me…"

[my-happy-little-bean]

Picnics in the Imagination

pairings: no romantic ones! just a nice LAMP fic :) words: 3294 warnings: mild swearing, insecurity, slight hurt/comfort vibes

summary: 

Everyone stared at those two bees in front of them; what were they doing? 

Or: the sides share a moment in the Imagination. 

a/n- hello! pls excuse this like, weird character study of a one shot heh. i have been having trouble with characterization, so i guess my way to solve that was to,,,write solely based on characterization lol. it was good practice, and even if it’s a bit rough, i still hope you enjoy it :)

read on ao3~

---------

There were two bees fighting in front of him.

They were about seven feet away, and he decided that he should be able to outrun them if they decided to team up against him; or worse, if they were going to attract some equally-terrifying friends. But for the time being, they seemed like they were too wrapped up in trying to murder each other to even notice him. 

It made Virgil wonder why Roman did stuff like that; why he would create a world so beautiful, only to have it destroy itself. He wondered if the self-inflicted drama was some stupid way of him validating his own strength or whatever.

Or maybe it was only this destructive when Virgil was here. 

It wasn’t too far-fetched of an idea. That was why it took two and a half weeks to convince Virgil to even take a step into the Imagination again, let alone sit down in it and eat sandwiches. 

Though, who could really blame him? He wasn’t meant to exist here, where everything was all special and breathtaking and make-believe. It was literally everything he wasn’t. The last time he was here, it had seemed like the Imagination was actively trying to push him out via a million tiny goblins. 

(Virgil couldn’t help but shudder at the memory of stuffing them all in a box, frantically searching for the key to trap them there forever before they set off again and ruin someone else’s hat.)

And even if it was okay for him to be here, there wasn’t much for him to do. No one wanted to imagine the storms Virgil found himself under, anyway. After all, the things Roman triumphantly held on the ends of his sword were from monsters Virgil embodied. The grass he stepped on literally burned at the tips if he stood on it for too long.

So why did he feel so...so safe?

Logan had told him once that the Imagination responded to everyone who stepped into its territory. It was supposed to be reassurance, but it was something that scared Virgil the most; that something could reflect the heavy static he could barely walk across everyday. And the first few times he was here, it did.

But now, the Imagination felt like a weighted blanket; almost suffocating at first, but gave way to the unfamiliar feeling of a hug. If he closed his eyes for a second, he could hear a distant thunderstorm coming from who-knows-where; a gentle memory of the only natural disaster he found comfort in. And the grass he stepped would burn, yes, but not all the time now; and it would always resolve itself anyway by bringing to light a small, black rose from the ashes.

His place in the Imagination today only reminded him of the effort everyone was willing to put forth for him; that everything was slowly getting used to the fact that he wasn’t some leech latching onto the sun. Roman eased the worries of his creation, one that had once despised him and all he was; and then eased the worries of Virgil, who didn’t believe he could finally be anything other than the bad guy. Logan made the plans—he always made the plans—and Patton…

Well, Patton tried everything. 

He took a sip from his tea and set it aside, pulling his hood over his head and curling up on Patton’s lap. He heard the side giggle and felt him push his hood back ever-so slightly; just to scratch idly behind his ear and braid his fingers through his hair. 

And Virgil let him.

Besides, he was too wrapped up in another thought to really care much; the thought that he wasn’t in the moment enough that the moment would pass him by before he could properly appreciate it. He couldn’t help but think about how everyone would eventually pack their things when his storm finally came around. He picked at the sharp grass beside him, scared that it would all go away somehow when he finally– finally– woke up from this dream.

He couldn’t help but look up at the bright blue skies above him. 

Virgil sighed, chewing his bottom lip nervously. The Imagination, even as a concept, was so daunting. It stretched so far beyond him that it pretty much scared him shitless. The clouds looked like they could fall on him at any given second, and the bees—as pretty as they are— were still fighting; who’s to say they couldn’t hurt him too?

But it was beautiful. 

And he was here. 

Virgil closed his eyes and heard the soft sound of rain, far far away.

And when he opened his eyes, he saw Roman, 

who was shaking his head at him with a knowing smile. 

---

Roman couldn’t help but beam as he watched the two bees in front of him dance, a harmonious waltz above the lush, green grass they grew. Logan could say anything he wanted about the Imagination; the real world could never compare to all of this.

Or at least, that’s what Roman used to think. 

Truth be told, the Imagination was only this beautiful when Thomas was satisfied. For the most part, Roman would be running around, dousing fires– literal fires– in every direction. He’d end his days without really ending them, fighting monsters to make his world flawless when the sun rose. This picnic was actually the first time he really stood still in the Imagination since…well, since the Great Goblin Incident of 2019; though that was less of a wake-up call and more of an unwelcome surprise.

(Roman wasn’t able to get the goo out of his hair for weeks.) 

And he took great pride in how special his creation was. After all, he made it — and he was pretty awesome. He was able to plant seeds in Thomas’s mind and thus grow a beautiful, magnificent garden. He grew so many gardens actually. He’d grow them left and right, without much of a thought. Anything to spruce up the place.

But there were other days when the Imagination would claw at him for more– for something else. It would grab his ankles as he walked and drag him through the ground when he least expected it, begging him for a new garden; a new village; a new adventure; a new anything. 

And at some point, the Imagination became his office. Sure, it was a place Roman would escape to so he could build a tower to hide in when the real world got too much. But it was also a place that Roman would eventually give into; one that would force him to stay the night so he could finish that thing– there was always that one thing. 

It was where he would fight Anxiety and win. It was where Morality would cheer for him and carry him on his shoulders with glee. It was where Logic didn’t exist. 

It was a place where Roman was everyone’s hero; where everyone needed Creativity.

Not today, though. 

Today, the sun glowed bright in the crystal-clear skies without him. He didn’t need the birds to sing him ballads, and he didn’t need the squirrels to care about him all that much. And he would come here to work, yes; but he’d come here to appreciate his work as well. 

Nowadays, Patton, Virgil, even Logan appreciated his work alongside him. They saw beauty in every crack Roman would dwell over; saw love and care in each one of his masterpieces. They even took the time to appreciate the gruelling effort that bled through his creation and made sure he was resting– actually resting– when he was done for the day. 

And he vowed to repay their love — even if they insisted that he didn’t need to. A glorious battle, perhaps! He could put himself in danger for them, just to show them he would. He could even wage a war with the feelings the others held too close to their chests, those feelings embodied as gruesome monsters and foe,  and he would win. Every time. 

Because Roman could never lose. Not with them by his side.

He looked around him with a bright smile and a dawning realization, one that he came across a thousand times, nowadays:

The realization that he was surrounded by everything he could ever need.

Roman finished another song on his ukulele and Patton burst into applause. Logan simply nodded at his performance, flipping through another page of the book Roman recommended to him. Virgil just pulled his hoodie over his head and curled up in Patton’s lap. 

Poor storm-cloud. He almost felt sad watching him. A part of him would always be jaded by the fact that he ever hurt Virgil. 

Roman stood up and walked a few feet away from everyone else, looking off into the distance before closing his eyes. He thought for a little while, and then sent the wind away to bring back the sound of rain and sprinkle it over their heads. 

That would hopefully help.

He turned around and looked at the rest of his family. For a moment, everything seemed to freeze. He could feel the grass tickle his feet, as if it were planning to lift him off the ground any second now. A cool breeze weaved itself through his hair and when they dropped off the sound of rain, they picked up the song Roman played to spread it across the land. 

He looked up at the sky and watched the birds soar above them, 

and thought about how his creation no longer hated him. 

He then met Virgil’s eyes, and wondered if he felt the same thing.

Nothing can hurt you here, Roman thought. Not anymore.

---

Swarming was a natural process in the life of a honey bee colony. It was a method of propagation; one that occurred in response to crowding within the colony. If a bee was huddled close to another, it was most likely that they were in the beginning phases of attracting a swarm. 

Perhaps that is what those two bees were doing in front of them. 

How fascinating. 

Logan took a break from reading to take in his surroundings. Roman must have dedicated a respectable amount of time to making the Imagination so faithful to real life. The way each tree was carved in patterns unlike each other, the way the waters seemed to move endlessly and not on a loop. 

He knew they were not real. None of them were. So it was interesting to think that not one part of Roman’s world was fabricated in a way that was mechanical and half-hearted; but was instead crafted with such caution and care. Every grass in its own, respective place; every flower grown for a reason. 

Logan had made numerous visits to the Imagination in the past; for research purposes, more often than not. Well, other than the dreadful incident with the exploding goblins; though his presence in the whole ordeal was the by-product of an untimely coincidence.

He had interviewed Roman countless times to learn more about this place, but he was yet to leave with an unbiased point of view. Roman would not contribute many useful points to their discussions, choosing to speak only in fanciful, unhelpful metaphors. All he would say about the Imagination was that it merely existed; and it existed so beautifully that it did not need much explanation. 

Everything was there for a reason he could not explain. 

He had compiled a few notes based on his own extrapolations and observations; consuming knowledge he would then pass onto Thomas so that he could better understand himself (or onto Virgil, to ease his trepidation towards Roman’s creation).

However, he had never really taken the time to just...sit in it. 

There were so many creatures and biomes, even cities; all nestled safely underneath the boundless shelter of the Imagination. And the sky was always stunning, no matter the weather. He wondered if Roman would allow him into this strange place more often for recreational purposes. He wondered if Roman would even enjoy his company.

The picnic, of course, was Patton’s idea. It was his way of “bonding” with everyone. Patton had many ideas of what ‘bonding’ looked like — weekly onesie-and-movie nights, having dinner together (even if they did not need to consume food), bi-weekly board game nights, et cetera. With so many options, Logan was not quite sure why Patton found the need to spend even more time with him. 

He was not blind to the fact that his presence was not arbitrary. Really, his only function was to present knowledge when needed, then allow the others to use that knowledge in order to make Thomas...well, content. If anyone were to benefit from Patton’s many “family excursions”, it was Virgil. His attempts of reassuring the anxious side paled in comparison to Patton’s efforts. 

Logan, unlike the rest of them, did not need love or affection; nor was it necessary that he ‘bonded’ with anyone. He just needed to exist for everyone and live to exist for as long as he could. 

He was not real, anyway. 

(Though, the thought haunted him far more than he would like to admit.)

He snuck a brief glance at Patton, who was enthralled by Roman’s performance under the sun. It was almost as if the sunshine in the Imagination folded itself around him; like he was the one keeping it warm.

Patton seemed to thrive in the Imagination; and for good reason, too. He was everything the Imagination was; a safe haven, a home, alive. He could extend the observation to Roman, even Virgil. They all belonged here, rested on the grass underneath the brilliant sun.

Logan...did as well. 

The thought was hesitant—illogically so—but it was reassuring enough that it was there. Normally, he would think the opposite, but his counterparts only reassured him that that was not the case. He really did belong here, on the same pedestal as them; for reasons unrelated to work. 

He was a part of their silly...loving family.

And they were real enough; real enough that he was able to absentmindedly hold Patton’s hand as he coddled Virgil on his lap. He was real enough to look at Roman work his magic in this strange wonder of a world and feel a sense of pride for him.

He was real enough to feel close with them; even though there were times when it felt like he was better off uninvited.

Perhaps this was the meaning behind Patton’s madness. Perhaps it was his way of reassuring him that he, like the rest of the sides, were just simply loved; unconditionally and without a doubt. It is a feeling that, surprisingly enough, Logan held close to him.

No amount of research would ever be able to tell him why. 

He sighed, going back to his book and flipping to the next page. The Imagination, at the end of the day, was simply an enigma; constructed by weird science and magic alike. 

But his family...well, they turned the Imagination into a reminder of how special existence was; how delicate the universe crafted each and every one of them. 

How purposeful it was when creating him.

---

Aww, look at those bees playin’ with each other, Patton thought happily to himself. What good friends they are!

The Imagination was un-bee-lievable. The fact that his kiddo made the whole thing himself? He couldn’t imagine how difficult it must have been! He was so proud of him. 

He was proud of everyone, really; which was precisely why he planned this picnic! Roman created such a beautiful place, Logan worked so hard, and Virgil...well, he had finally said yes.

And besides, it was just nice. For once, there was nothing to do. No difficult thinking, no one to fight. It was just him and his family, sitting under the big, blue sky.

Surprisingly enough, this was the first time Patton ever visited the Imagination when it was sunny. More often than not, Patton would visit the Imagination after-hours; sneak in when he knew everyone was asleep. Most of the time, he’d get caught by Roman; who was just as restless as him, yet more curious as to why he was there. Patton would never tell him the real reason, though — only saying that he wanted to check in on him. It wasn’t really a lie, anyway. It was just the right thing to do.

The Imagination was different in the night. Patton was sure that he was one of the only other sides to have seen it. It felt more like an ode to Thomas’s youth; the years when he would tape glow-in-the-dark stars to his ceiling and try to catch fireflies in mason jars. Each daisy seemed to sway in the warm sense of familiarity the wind carried; and the ocean always looked like it was folding on top of each other in a sea of scribbles coloured Pacific, Navy, and Midnight Blue. 

If he squinted, Patton could see constellations in the sky. Dancing in the velvet blanket above him were stars, mapping out the image of a young boy helping someone off the ground after a nasty fall.

It was his perfect Thomas. Always selfless, always perfect.

On the nights when Roman would find him, sitting on top of a hill with his knees brought close to his chest, he would always let Patton lie down in his lap and weave him a fairytale; one that Thomas used to love. The prince would always save the day. The teacher would explain absolutely everything. The mind would never reel, and the heart was always right.

He couldn’t help but miss it. He missed the days when it seemed like royalty could be as honourable as the ones in Thomas’s old picture books; that learning was not as painful as it was now. And while the mind was buried through layers of heavy static and storm clouds, the heart didn’t know the way.

Thomas wasn’t as good as he wanted him to be, and Patton just didn’t know what to do. 

But all of that didn’t really matter in the Imagination. The fact that it was bright and sunny only meant that Thomas was the same goofy, loving child he used to be. Sure, a few things slip past Roman every now and then (Patton would never ever ever forget what those goblins did to his new top-hat), but that didn’t mean that Thomas was inherently bad. 

Besides, the day was just as beautiful as the night. With Thomas all grown up, he was creating things Patton could only dream of. Yes, storms would still roll around; but they would always give way to a beautiful rainbow. 

The Imagination was always the same, no matter what crossed its path. 

And perhaps, the same thing could be said about him.

Patton tried his best to get lost in the music Roman was playing for the group. He set aside his sandwich, and snuck glances at Virgil and Logan. They seemed at peace; Virgil was drinking tea he made for him, and Logan was reading a book. 

And if Roman was singing, it meant that Patton still had it in him to bring his family together. 

Patton sighed wistfully. He would do anything to capture this moment in any way he could. He wanted this single second to last forever. He yearned to keep the sunshine safe and sound in a small jar to put on his shelves. 

Really, he just wanted everyone to be happy. 

But as beautiful as nights in the Imagination were, Patton could learn to love the present if it felt this good. 

[babysizedfics]

Back at it again with a couple more HC prompts, which imma just dump in one, and you can pick which ones you want. Puddles with the kiddos, family baking sessions when both are regressed, Ro wanting attention whilst Logan is reading, so climbing all over his book, how their reactions to new stuffies differ, regressed versus non-regressed birthdays.... Etc... 👍

okokokokok buckle up everyone

Puddles:

this is the only one where i have to be like .. i don't think so :0 see virgil can get very nervous when it rains because he's so anxious about 'is it gonna storm? will there be thunder? will we be hit by lightning? will there be a flood? what if one of us slips and hurts our head??' that he just cannot relax enough to be able to jump around in puddles because 'WHAT IF I SLIP IM GONNA DIE' and the wetness on his skin sets off the wrong sensory feelings so jumping in muddy puddles is a no for him (as much as he loves peppa pig)

and roman is a fussy little thing, he may not care as much for his appearance when he's small but i think he will still be conscious enough to notice if he gets wet hair and muddy clothes - plus i feel like roman's mood is quite tied to the weather, on dark days he tends to fee a little more gloomy, ao again not sure about this especially if he wouldn't have his baby brother there with him

Baking:

OH BOY so roman is a great cook okay? like chef level he has honed his skills so that he can make romantic meals for handsome princes, but baking? nu uh, too technical, he ain't got time for that. Patton is the baker of the house and makes cookies and cupcakes way too often for Logan's liking (but secretly he loves them of course, he's just concerned for everybody's teeths) but both CGs will cook dinner when the boys are little

When the boys are regressed they're not allowed much in the kitchen anymore. after roman tried to make breakfast in bed for his CGs and started a very small but very real fire he has lost some kitchen rights (ficlet coming to you at some point perhaps) and is not allowed in the kitchen without at least one CG. even if he can switch so quickly between headspaces, he ends up either 1) too stubborn to come out of little space, or 2) a kittle bit clumsy when he comes out of it

but to make up for roman being upset by this slight loss of independence (he is a big kid after all) patton and he do weekly baking sessions! and there's always a theme. most recently they had animal crossing themed cupcakes, a little mermaid themed jello (not technically baking but roman wanted to but little fish gummies in the jelly), and... the next one is a secret because i might put it in chapter 7 (: in fact chapter 7 will feature the first instance of this tradition!!

virgil has pyrophobia (fear of fire) and so is never keen to be in the kitchen while there's food preparation going on (but he was allowed to help with the under the sea jello!!) so roman and pattons baking sessions are an excuse for mama and baby bonding time! the tradition didn't start until after virgil's separation anxiety from patton had eased up a little so luckily there's barely any tears

mama baby bonding time consists of but is not limited to: sitting on mama's lap, doing puzzles together, (vee trying to suck on a puzzle piece and crying when he's told not to), mama reading baby books to vee, vee touching all the textures and flaps in the baby books, snuggles

Ro wanting attention while Lo is reading:

this is 1000% canon!! later in the series logan will often be at work in his room and have the boys with him because patton is busy with something or another. they realise they really do need to keep working for thomas' sake but manage to integrate the boys' littlespaces into it. Eg. logan dangling baby plastic keys from one hand to amuse girgil while he's typing with the other

but when it's quiet time, when patton is in virgil's room because the baby is having a nap and papa wants to watch over him, when roman hasn't been little because he's been working or simply not in the mood earlier that day, when logan is just chilling, just reading a stephen hawking book in the living room, when he's literally just vibing, roman can and will launch himself into logan's lap sending the book flying and logan isn't allowed to tell him off because 'I'm little now! i want attention now!! hi mom!!!!'

New stuffies:

AHHHHHHHHH this this this is so so cute!!

roman never used to care much for soft toys before okay? before he was ever a little sure he appreciated disney action figures (he used them to block out scenes he wrote for theatre productions and screenplays and fanfiction) sure he always had a soft spot for Mrs Fluffybottom his childhood toy, but she always just sat on a shelf, he never fet the need to cuddle her or play with her

but when he realises he's little, when he starts playing with vee, when he sees how much vee cares about his soft animals, when patton and logan buy him a present to welcome him to the littlespace family and it's a golden teddy bear (soon to be named Aladdin) with big brown beady eyes and a satin crimson bow around its neck? yeah big kids love stuffies too

and now whenever roman is gifted a new toy (soft or otherwise) he essentially gets the zoomies!!! his brain is going a million miles a minute with all the game possibilities and with the excitement of NEW PRESENT!!! and with the happiness that his caregivers thought about him and he's been a good enough boy to deserve gifts?? yeah he's so so so excited he canNOT stand still he runs around the house for a whole hour flinging his new toy around (yeah he's a bit rough with them and there's been more than one torn limp or loose eye but he doesn't care it just shows how much they're loved!)

Now virgil: this boy is very very very emotionally attached to his stuffies. when he was a "dark side" he couldn't have much soft stuff because it just went against everything the household stood for and he couldn't risk the others finding out about how not-scary he really was, but he allowed himself a single stuffed rabbit that was easy to hide and that he loved with all of his being. it was his security blanket and his one item that could offer him comfort in a oanic attack and his only posession that he felt was true to him and not true to the scary facade he put up to scare thomas and the "light sides" into listening to him

without spoiling anything, that bunny was left in that house when he moved to the "light sides"

and in his new home virgil started collecting soft toys whenever he needed comfort. everytime he felt unwanted, every time he had an anxiety attack, everytime there was a thunderstorm predicted for the next week he would get himself a new soft toy because that was the only way he knew to comfort himself. needless to say he's got a pretty big collection now. you might think he became desensitized to new toys because of how many times he had gotten himself a new one, and you might be partly right.

that is until for the first time ever he is given a stuffie by someone else... when logan buys him a soft toy in apology for accidentally revealing his regression to everyone ((yes i am writing this fic!))

it wasn't really logan's fault, virgil should have been more aware he should have been more careful he should have hidden it all better but the logical side was guilt-ridden nonetheless. virgil hadn't expected much to be honest, the sincere apology was enough for him

but when logan blushed and shyly opened a box and handed him a black cat stuffie? virgil had to fight very very hard not to outright sob on the spot. he simply took it, thanked logan shakily, and prayed that logan didn't point out the fact that tears were falling onto the fluff of his new stuffed friend Jiji

now whenever he gets a new toy it's different than before - it's not because he's upset and needs comfort, it happens less often now but it's more special, it could be for a holiday or as a way of saying he's been very sweet or just because patton simply couldn't resist this one because look at its cute lil eyes! but each and everytime he knows when he is handed a new toy by one of his family members it really means 'i love you'

and he buries his face in its softness - it used to be to hide his tears, but now he just can't help but squeeze it tight and close and let the feeling of love wash over him

Birthdays:

yknow that episode of steven universe where steven wears a regal cape and a golden crown? yeah that's roman whether he's little or not

seriously this kid is very much the 'it's my birthweek!' type

lots of singing, lots of 'but i'm the birthday boy!!' to try to get thtings he really shouldn't be getting (like a third cookie) (and yes patton caves every single time) (patton is eventually banned from making decisions on romans behalf during his "birthweek")

there's not much difference at all between little romans birthday and big romans birthday, he's just an excitable boy whether he's a kiddo or not - this may or may not make the caregivers question whether maybe he actually was a little before virgil's regression was revealed

(irrelevant but patton definitely makes the pun 'you're a little? a little what? finish your sentences silly billy!')

virgil hates his birthday. hates it.

too much attention, too many things that could go wrong, too much pressure on it being a good day. what if his anxiety is bad that day? what if he doesn't want everyone watching him open presents? what if he's genuinely terrified that people think walking towards him with a big grin, singing at him, and carrying a cakeful of literal fire is a somehow a fun activity??

when he first moved into the house he made it very clear that he does not have a birthday so don't even try to throw him a party

naturally roman and patton were devastated, but after a failed attempt at getting virgil to enjoy his birthday they obeyed logan's request that they not try to push the idea on virgil any further

but the first birthday after they become a little family, it's a bit different

they don't push it, not at first, but virgil does wake up to patton already in his room and cooing at him adoringly , immediately sending him into his regressed headspace

then he's given a new soft toy. that wasn't so bad

then roman let him choose what disney film they watched. that wasnt bad either

then logan cuddled him for an hour and they might have fallen asleep together not noticing the smell of vanilla coming from the kitchen

then there was a new paci, a new rattle, another new soft toy, and cake cut up into tiny squares so he could nibble on it with his fingers

there was no loud singing no big surprises no bright lights or fire or anything else that he hated about birthdays

there was only love and toys and comfort. so virgil really didn't mind birthdays much after that

[artificialqueens]

Hold Me Tighter (Even Closer), Chapter 2 (Branjie, Jankie) - Joley

ao3 link

Tumblr link

Jackie stood in the center of her apartment, hands on her hips, and exhaling deeply. She had spent the past few hours cleaning the place from top to bottom. Had it been a bit over the top? Perhaps, but she felt like she would be better off being too thorough than not enough. Maybe it wasn’t the first impression Jan would have of her, but it was one that would count.

She checked the time on her phone – she had finished with ten minutes to spare. Regardless of anything else, she was pretty proud of what she had accomplished, and she probably could put off cleaning for a couple weeks now. Who knew all she needed was just the right bit of motivation? With the time she had left, she poured herself a glass of wine. She earned it. Beyond that, she needed it.

A few moments later, there was a knock at the door and Jackie narrowly avoided spilling what was left of her wine as she set it down on the counter and raced to open the door. “Hey Jan,” she greeted casually, as if she hadn’t nearly tripped over herself to race to the door.

“Hi Jackie,” Jan chirped as she walked in, unaware of what had transpired, nor did she pick up on the fact that Jackie seemed slightly out of breath. “Okay,” she prompted, setting a purple folder on the table, “I’m ready for audition prep 101 with Miss Cox.”

Jackie picked up the folder, hand lingering on the counter while she decided whether or not to grab the glass as well. She settled against it, leading Jan into the living room. “So, how many songs do you have it narrowed down to?”

“I got it down to three,” she replied, waiting for Jackie to open the folder to see the pieces of sheet music as well as a few typed up monologues. “I have a couple tried and true ones, and one that’s a little new to me, but I think it fits the vibe of the show better.”

“Smart thinking,” Jackie praised, looking at the sheet music. “Who are you auditioning for again?”

“I thought it over, and I’m gonna go for Veronica. It’s kind of out of my comfort zone, but that’s what excites me about it, you know? If there was ever a chance to break out of what I usually do, this would be it,” Jan explained. “So, if that narrows it down any further…”

“Oh, it only leaves one option,” Jackie said simply. “‘Everything Else’ is the only one with the right energy, the other ones are too… cute, too lighthearted.” She handed Jan the sheet music.

Jan nodded and took the paper. “I trust you implicitly.”

“At your own risk.” Jackie chuckled. “Will you sing for me? I’d like to hear you go through your number, see if anything needs to be tweaked,” she told her, but she also just really wanted to hear her sing. Jan seemed so bright and confident, she was eager to know where that came from.

And Jan seemed more than willing to oblige. “Of course, I have the music on my phone, if you have a speaker or something that I can plug into.”

Jackie nodded and helped Jan get set up. “I want you to run through the whole thing, that way we can pick out the best section for your sixteen bars,” she explained. She sat down on her couch, looking as Jan stood in front of her, the student taking a few preparatory breaths.

And then Jan started singing, and everything made sense for Jackie - why Jan was in this program, why she exuded such a positive confidence. Her voice was immaculate, it captivated Jackie’s attention even more than their first meeting. And she must have shown her approval, because Jan seemed excited by her expression once she’d finished the song.

“So that was good?” Jan asked, eyes bright and hopeful.

“Perfect, are you sure you even need my help?” Jackie teased. “Here, I’m gonna highlight the bars on the sheet music,” she said, standing up and motioning her over to the dining room table.

Jan moved to stand right behind Jackie, perched up on her tiptoes to rest her chin on her shoulder, hand resting on her waist. “I’m excited about this. I wish you could be in the room or something, like a good luck charm.”

Jackie let out a soft chuckle. “You think I’m a good luck charm?”

She shrugged and smiled. “I dunno, I feel a good energy with you. Like, your presence is warm and calming. It’s a good balance, considering my default is the same as a person that took half a bottle of caffeine pills.”

That brought a slight blush to Jackie’s cheeks. She turned, giving her a hug, one she wanted more than she would ever let on. “Well, that’s very kind of you to say.”

“You smell nice,” Jan observed before Jackie pulled back from the hug.

“Oh, thank you.” Jackie grinned, doing her damndest not to get flustered. “Um, do you want something to drink? I was having a glass of wine myself,” she said, already walking over to her glass.

“I’m not twenty-one, but I won’t tell if you won’t,” she hummed.

Jackie chuckled, pouring Jan a glass as well. “I’m from Canada; it’s eighteen there, so we can play by my rules.” She winked.

Jan’s brow rose as she accepted the glass. “Oh, so you’re the boss here?” she asked as she took a sip.

“This is my house,” she pointed out with a light laugh. “Ergo, my rules.”

“Oh, we’re using our fancy adverbs now. Point taken,” Jan teased, then held her glass up. “Cheers!”

Jackie grinned, clinking their glasses and taking a sip. And for a moment, everything was calm and relaxed, but then there was a sudden, loud crack of thunder that made them both jump. They both looked out the window and saw that rain was pouring down as if it were a storm of biblical proportions.

“Shit, it’s really coming down hard out there,” Jan observed. “Wasn’t even raining when I got here.”

“I can’t let you go back out there,” Jackie shook her head. “You can stay here at least until the rain lets up, I don’t mind if you crash here if it doesn’t,” she offered.

Jan let out a small sigh of relief. “Yeah, if you don’t mind, of course,” she replied, as if she hadn’t been hoping for the offer. “It’ll be fun, we can get wine drunk and watch bad reality TV.”

Jackie started to open her mouth to agree, then paused. “Have you eaten yet? You should definitely have some dinner if you’re going to keep drinking,” she said, setting her glass down so she could go and rifle through her fridge. “I have leftover sushi if you want, or I can make sandwiches or something.”

Something about the naturally kind and doting demeanor Jackie had instantly put Jan at ease. It made her feel warm and comfortable, like they had known each other for years without the awkward pretenses that sometimes came with meeting someone new. “Whatever’s easier. I’m not a picky eater.” She shrugged.

While Jackie decided on the sushi and got that out, Jan was pouring herself another glass of wine, and topped Jackie’s glass off as well. “Thank you,” she hummed when Jackie handed her the plate, setting it on the table and sitting down to eat. “Y’know, everyone always says that sushi never tastes as good on the second day, but like, they’re just snobs. It’s totally just as good. Or maybe my standards are low, whatever.”

Jackie giggled softly as she listened. She didn’t know if it was the alcohol that made Jan ramble like that, or if that was just part of her personality. Either way, she thought it was adorable, and sat next to her as she hung onto her every word. “I think leftovers are underrated as a whole,” she agreed.

“You get me.” Jan beamed, one hand over her heart and the other on Jackie’s shoulder.

She bit down on her lip, not knowing how loud the laugh that nearly escaped would’ve been, and put her hand on top of Jan’s. “I try,” she cooed, then stood up. “Come on, let’s go watch TV,” she said and moved them to the couch, then topped off their glasses.

Jan sat down next to Jackie, as close as she could physically be without sitting on her lap. In her defense, this was always how she’d get after a couple of drinks – touchy-feely, flirty, and yes, even more talkative than normal, as demonstrated by the tangent she went off on about the show they were watching.

And Jackie wasn’t exactly complaining – especially about the touchy-feely part. The alcohol was affecting her as well; the part of her brain that was constantly plagued with overthinking and worry was always the first to go once she started to get tipsy, and neither of them had stopped drinking as they continued half-watching TV.

“God, you’re so pretty,” she said, not realizing it was out loud.

Not that it would’ve been a problem, as Jan just seemed to appreciate the compliment. “Aw, thank you! I think you’re super pretty too.”

“Do you really?”

Jan scoffed. “Of course I do. I thought you were hot since I first saw you,” she said, tossing her ponytail off her shoulder as she picked her glass back up.

“This is news to me,” Jackie admitted as she had more to drink as well.

“That’s why I’m telling you, duh,” she giggled, then turned to better face her. “Your hair is so nice and thick and shiny,” she observed, immediately going to play with it, running her hands through it and twirling pieces around her fingers.

Jackie let out a content sigh as Jan’s fingers wove through her hair. “Careful,” she warned, “this is practically foreplay for me.”

Jan smirked, her arms draping around Jackie’s neck. “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

Maybe it was the alcohol, but neither of them would’ve been able to say who initiated the kiss, just that one second they weren’t kissing, and the next second they were. They could still taste the wine one each other’s lips as they let the deep, languid kiss continue.

Jackie pulled Jan onto her lap, arms wrapping around her waist. She trailed her lips along Jan’s jaw and down her neck, starting by just kissing and nipping along the expanse of skin before leaving a mark just where her neck met her collarbone. Her hands moved up and down Jan’s body, starting to push up her shirt.

Jan was a bit more direct, swiftly undoing the buttons on Jackie’s blouse and slipping it off her shoulders. Their lips reconnected in another heated kiss, and she gripped Jackie’s hair with one hand while the other pushed her bra up and palmed over her breast.

That gave Jackie enough reason to follow her lead, pulling Jan’s shirt off and pulling her close, their bodies flush up against each other. She unhooked her bra soon after, tossing it aside and letting her hands explore Jan’s bare torso.

The way Jackie’s hands felt against her body sent goosebumps all over Jan’s skin. Jackie’s hands were smooth and warm and made her arch into each touch. She started to grind against Jackie as well, straddling her thigh to better do so.

Jackie was fairly certain that she had never seen anything hotter than Jan grinding on her thigh, or heard anything hotter than the little whimpers and whines she let out. It landed on top of Jan’s sheet music, pushing a couple pages onto the floor, but neither of them noticed in the slightest.

Any sense of control or inhibition that Jan had entered Jackie’s apartment with had long since gone out the window. She tossed her head back, letting out sharp, breathy moans as she continued to grind on Jackie’s thigh with more and more fervor and desire.

Jackie caressed Jan’s body, hands moving up and down her sides, memorizing every curve with her fingertips. She pressed open-mouthed kisses between her breasts, down to her stomach as far as she could reach, eyes flicking up to watch the expression of relaxed pleasure on Jan’s face.

“Oh fuck, fuck,” Jan’s voice was higher, more strained, and it wasn’t long before she realized she was chasing the orgasm that was rapidly approaching. Her hips were bucking more erratically and she was grabbing onto Jackie wherever she could.

“That’s it, come for me,” Jackie cooed, kissing and sucking at Jan’s neck as she held her through her orgasm. And once she felt Jan let herself go limp in her arms, she scooped her up and carried her into bed.

They laid in bed quietly, nothing but the sounds of thunder and rain hammering against the windows to be heard. It was calm, but with the distant tinge of anxiety because neither of them knew what to say. What was there to say after that?

Jackie turned to face Jan, hoping the words would come to her. But to her relief, Jan had passed out. And Jackie had to admit, she looked just as beautiful asleep.

——

Jan was the first to wake up the next morning, groggy and disoriented, but not quite hungover. She wasn’t sure how she should feel about waking up topless in Jackie’s bed – guilty? Confused? Stressed? It wasn’t that she regretted it, but she was afraid that it would complicate what was supposed to be a friendship at most.

Time was ticking away before Jackie would wake up, and Jan needed to decide what she wanted to do, and quickly. She pushed herself out of bed and went into the other room to get dressed. As she went back into the bedroom, she noticed that Jackie had personalized stationary on her desk (because of course she did). Jan decided that leaving a note and bailing was the best option - it was more personal than a text and she was still able to avoid confrontation.

Hi Jackie!

Sorry to run out on you like this, I had to get somewhere in a rush. But I had a great time with you last night, and I’ll see you in class on Monday. :)

Jan ♥

Jan wondered if the heart was too much, but decided it would be worse to erase it, so she left it on Jackie’s nightstand and quietly left. And she kept her fast pace, making it back to her dorm in record time. The second she got back to her dorm, she flopped onto her bed and screamed into her pillow.

“Rough night?” Lemon asked as she casually looked over at her disheveled and distressed roommate. “Not like you to spend it elsewhere.”

“Got caught in the storm, stayed with a friend,” she mumbled as she sat up.

Lemon arched her brow. “You get hickies from your friends often?”

Jan’s eyes widened as she turned to look in the mirror. Sure enough, there were multiple visible bruises littering her neck. “Oh, fuck me.”

“Looks like someone already did.”

“We didn’t have sex!” she insisted, unable to keep the defensiveness out of her voice. “I mean, even by lesbian standards, it wasn’t sex. We weren’t even naked.”

Lemon continued to look at Jan as if she were insisting the Earth was flat. “First of all, as a lesbian, I have no fucking idea what ‘lesbian standards’ are and I don’t want to know. Second, Even if it wasn’t ‘technically’ sex, it was enough to get you all worked up like this.”

Jan groaned and laid on her back. “It just shouldn’t have happened… It was my TA, Lem.”

“Damn, you gonna get some extra credit at least?���

She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I don’t know why I tell you things,” she murmured, reaching for her phone. She knew telling Gigi wouldn’t be any easier, but it wasn’t exactly something she would be able to keep as a secret.

And when Jan did meet up with Gigi, she wasn’t dreading the confession any less. They sat in a booth at a nearby diner, placing a brunch order before she decided she needed to just rip the bandage off. “I spent the night with Jackie.”

Gigi nearly spit her coffee out at that. “You did? Why? What happened? Don’t you skip any fucking details, Sport.”

Jan chewed on her lip. “The storm was really bad, so we decided I’d just stay there. Then we had some wine… well, a lot of wine. And we… We didn’t fuck, per sé, but things got very heated.”

“That would explain why you’re wearing a scarf in seventy degree weather.” she nodded as if she were making an astute observation. “So what happened when you guys woke up?”

Jan’s gaze drifted down to the table. “I woke up before she did, left her a note and went back to my dorm while she was asleep.”

Gigi looked at her friend like she was ready to grab her by the shoulders and shake her. But instead she just asked, “Are you fucking stupid?”

To which Jan shrugged and replied, “Maybe.” There was a brief pause as they received their meals. “But can you be specific as to why, though?”

“This was literally a sign that you guys have a connection, at least a physical one. The least you could’ve done is talk to her, how’s she going to take it as anything other than you not being interested, and don’t you try and act like you’re not.”

“I’m not not interested,” Jan conceded. “I just… It shouldn’t have happened like this, you know? I went over there to practice for my audition, not to dry hump her fucking thigh.”

Gigi did her best to listen and be the supportive friend that Jan clearly needed. “Look, you can’t un-fuck up how you handled that,” she started. “We just need to figure out where to go from here.”

Jan nodded in agreement as she picked at her food. Where did she go from here? Her heart said back to Jackie, but her brain said into a coma, ideally.

[missjanjie]

Hold Me Tighter (Even Closer) | (2/?)

Title: Hold Me Tighter (Even Closer) Summary: A sequel to Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dancer. Brooke Lynn and Vanessa are back at NYU, but with new and improved positions. Brooke’s ready to start her career as a professor when, as fate would have it, she realizes her TA, Jackie, might have the hots for a student named Jan. The couple just might see it as a sign to give two new girls the love story they found in the same place. Word Count: ~3k (this chapter) / ~6.1k (total) Relationship(s): Branjie (Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo), Jankie (Jan Sport/Jackie Cox) Rating: E

read on ao3

Jackie stood in the center of her apartment, hands on her hips, and exhaling deeply. She had spent the past few hours cleaning the place from top to bottom. Had it been a bit over the top? Perhaps, but she felt like she would be better off being too thorough than not enough. Maybe it wasn’t the first impression Jan would have of her, but it was one that would count.

She checked the time on her phone – she had finished with ten minutes to spare. Regardless of anything else, she was pretty proud of what she had accomplished, and she probably could put off cleaning for a couple weeks now. Who knew all she needed was just the right bit of motivation? With the time she had left, she poured herself a glass of wine. She earned it. Beyond that, she needed it.

A few moments later, there was a knock at the door and Jackie narrowly avoided spilling what was left of her wine as she set it down on the counter and raced to open the door. “Hey Jan,” she greeted casually, as if she hadn’t nearly tripped over herself to race to the door.

“Hi Jackie,” Jan chirped as she walked in, unaware of what had transpired, nor did she pick up on the fact that Jackie seemed slightly out of breath. “Okay,” she prompted, setting a purple folder on the table, “I’m ready for audition prep 101 with Miss Cox.”

Jackie picked up the folder, hand lingering on the counter while she decided whether or not to grab the glass as well. She settled against it, leading Jan into the living room. “So, how many songs do you have it narrowed down to?”

“I got it down to three,” she replied, waiting for Jackie to open the folder to see the pieces of sheet music as well as a few typed up monologues. “I have a couple tried and true ones, and one that’s a little new to me, but I think it fits the vibe of the show better.”

“Smart thinking,” Jackie praised, looking at the sheet music. “Who are you auditioning for again?”

“I thought it over, and I’m gonna go for Veronica. It’s kind of out of my comfort zone, but that’s what excites me about it, you know? If there was ever a chance to break out of what I usually do, this would be it,” Jan explained. “So, if that narrows it down any further…”

“Oh, it only leaves one option,” Jackie said simply. “‘Everything Else’ is the only one with the right energy, the other ones are too… cute, too lighthearted.” She handed Jan the sheet music.

Jan nodded and took the paper. “I trust you implicitly.”

“At your own risk.” Jackie chuckled. “Will you sing for me? I’d like to hear you go through your number, see if anything needs to be tweaked,” she told her, but she also just really wanted to hear her sing. Jan seemed so bright and confident, she was eager to know where that came from.

And Jan seemed more than willing to oblige. “Of course, I have the music on my phone, if you have a speaker or something that I can plug into.”

Jackie nodded and helped Jan get set up. “I want you to run through the whole thing, that way we can pick out the best section for your sixteen bars,” she explained. She sat down on her couch, looking as Jan stood in front of her, the student taking a few preparatory breaths.

And then Jan started singing, and everything made sense for Jackie - why Jan was in this program, why she exuded such a positive confidence. Her voice was immaculate, it captivated Jackie’s attention even more than their first meeting. And she must have shown her approval, because Jan seemed excited by her expression once she’d finished the song.

“So that was good?” Jan asked, eyes bright and hopeful.

“Perfect, are you sure you even need my help?” Jackie teased. “Here, I’m gonna highlight the bars on the sheet music,” she said, standing up and motioning her over to the dining room table.

Jan moved to stand right behind Jackie, perched up on her tiptoes to rest her chin on her shoulder, hand resting on her waist. “I’m excited about this. I wish you could be in the room or something, like a good luck charm.”

Jackie let out a soft chuckle. “You think I’m a good luck charm?”

She shrugged and smiled. “I dunno, I feel a good energy with you. Like, your presence is warm and calming. It’s a good balance, considering my default is the same as a person that took half a bottle of caffeine pills.”

That brought a slight blush to Jackie’s cheeks. She turned, giving her a hug, one she wanted more than she would ever let on. “Well, that’s very kind of you to say.”

“You smell nice,” Jan observed before Jackie pulled back from the hug.

“Oh, thank you.” Jackie grinned, doing her damndest not to get flustered. “Um, do you want something to drink? I was having a glass of wine myself,” she said, already walking over to her glass.

“I’m not twenty-one, but I won’t tell if you won’t,” she hummed.

Jackie chuckled, pouring Jan a glass as well. “I’m from Canada; it’s eighteen there, so we can play by my rules.” She winked.

Jan’s brow rose as she accepted the glass. “Oh, so you’re the boss here?” she asked as she took a sip.

“This is my house,” she pointed out with a light laugh. “Ergo, my rules.”

“Oh, we’re using our fancy adverbs now. Point taken,” Jan teased, then held her glass up. “Cheers!”

Jackie grinned, clinking their glasses and taking a sip. And for a moment, everything was calm and relaxed, but then there was a sudden, loud crack of thunder that made them both jump. They both looked out the window and saw that rain was pouring down as if it were a storm of biblical proportions.

“Shit, it’s really coming down hard out there,” Jan observed. “Wasn’t even raining when I got here.”

“I can’t let you go back out there,” Jackie shook her head. “You can stay here at least until the rain lets up, I don’t mind if you crash here if it doesn’t,” she offered.

Jan let out a small sigh of relief. “Yeah, if you don’t mind, of course,” she replied, as if she hadn’t been hoping for the offer. “It’ll be fun, we can get wine drunk and watch bad reality TV.”

Jackie started to open her mouth to agree, then paused. “Have you eaten yet? You should definitely have some dinner if you’re going to keep drinking,” she said, setting her glass down so she could go and rifle through her fridge. “I have leftover sushi if you want, or I can make sandwiches or something.”

Something about the naturally kind and doting demeanor Jackie had instantly put Jan at ease. It made her feel warm and comfortable, like they had known each other for years without the awkward pretenses that sometimes came with meeting someone new. “Whatever’s easier. I’m not a picky eater.” She shrugged.

While Jackie decided on the sushi and got that out, Jan was pouring herself another glass of wine, and topped Jackie’s glass off as well. “Thank you,” she hummed when Jackie handed her the plate, setting it on the table and sitting down to eat. “Y’know, everyone always says that sushi never tastes as good on the second day, but like, they’re just snobs. It’s totally just as good. Or maybe my standards are low, whatever.”

Jackie giggled softly as she listened. She didn’t know if it was the alcohol that made Jan ramble like that, or if that was just part of her personality. Either way, she thought it was adorable, and sat next to her as she hung onto her every word. “I think leftovers are underrated as a whole,” she agreed.

“You get me.” Jan beamed, one hand over her heart and the other on Jackie’s shoulder.

She bit down on her lip, not knowing how loud the laugh that nearly escaped would’ve been, and put her hand on top of Jan’s. “I try,” she cooed, then stood up. “Come on, let’s go watch TV,” she said and moved them to the couch, then topped off their glasses.

Jan sat down next to Jackie, as close as she could physically be without sitting on her lap. In her defense, this was always how she’d get after a couple of drinks – touchy-feely, flirty, and yes, even more talkative than normal, as demonstrated by the tangent she went off on about the show they were watching.

And Jackie wasn’t exactly complaining – especially about the touchy-feely part. The alcohol was affecting her as well; the part of her brain that was constantly plagued with overthinking and worry was always the first to go once she started to get tipsy, and neither of them had stopped drinking as they continued half-watching TV.

“God, you’re so pretty,” she said, not realizing it was out loud.

Not that it would’ve been a problem, as Jan just seemed to appreciate the compliment. “Aw, thank you! I think you’re super pretty too.”

“Do you really?”

Jan scoffed. “Of course I do. I thought you were hot since I first saw you,” she said, tossing her ponytail off her shoulder as she picked her glass back up.

“This is news to me,” Jackie admitted as she had more to drink as well.

“That’s why I’m telling you, duh,” she giggled, then turned to better face her. “Your hair is so nice and thick and shiny,” she observed, immediately going to play with it, running her hands through it and twirling pieces around her fingers.

Jackie let out a content sigh as Jan’s fingers wove through her hair. “Careful,” she warned, “this is practically foreplay for me.”

Jan smirked, her arms draping around Jackie’s neck. “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

Maybe it was the alcohol, but neither of them would’ve been able to say who initiated the kiss, just that one second they weren’t kissing, and the next second they were. They could still taste the wine one each other’s lips as they let the deep, languid kiss continue.

Jackie pulled Jan onto her lap, arms wrapping around her waist. She trailed her lips along Jan’s jaw and down her neck, starting by just kissing and nipping along the expanse of skin before leaving a mark just where her neck met her collarbone. Her hands moved up and down Jan’s body, starting to push up her shirt.

Jan was a bit more direct, swiftly undoing the buttons on Jackie’s blouse and slipping it off her shoulders. Their lips reconnected in another heated kiss, and she gripped Jackie’s hair with one hand while the other pushed her bra up and palmed over her breast.

That gave Jackie enough reason to follow her lead, pulling Jan’s shirt off and pulling her close, their bodies flush up against each other. She unhooked her bra soon after, tossing it aside and letting her hands explore Jan’s bare torso.

The way Jackie’s hands felt against her body sent goosebumps all over Jan’s skin. Jackie’s hands were smooth and warm and made her arch into each touch. She started to grind against Jackie as well, straddling her thigh to better do so.

Jackie was fairly certain that she had never seen anything hotter than Jan grinding on her thigh, or heard anything hotter than the little whimpers and whines she let out. It landed on top of Jan’s sheet music, pushing a couple pages onto the floor, but neither of them noticed in the slightest.

Any sense of control or inhibition that Jan had entered Jackie’s apartment with had long since gone out the window. She tossed her head back, letting out sharp, breathy moans as she continued to grind on Jackie’s thigh with more and more fervor and desire.

Jackie caressed Jan’s body, hands moving up and down her sides, memorizing every curve with her fingertips. She pressed open-mouthed kisses between her breasts, down to her stomach as far as she could reach, eyes flicking up to watch the expression of relaxed pleasure on Jan’s face.

“Oh fuck, fuck,” Jan’s voice was higher, more strained, and it wasn’t long before she realized she was chasing the orgasm that was rapidly approaching. Her hips were bucking more erratically and she was grabbing onto Jackie wherever she could.

“That’s it, come for me,” Jackie cooed, kissing and sucking at Jan’s neck as she held her through her orgasm. And once she felt Jan let herself go limp in her arms, she scooped her up and carried her into bed.

They laid in bed quietly, nothing but the sounds of thunder and rain hammering against the windows to be heard. It was calm, but with the distant tinge of anxiety because neither of them knew what to say. What was there to say after that?

Jackie turned to face Jan, hoping the words would come to her. But to her relief, Jan had passed out. And Jackie had to admit, she looked just as beautiful asleep.

------

Jan was the first to wake up the next morning, groggy and disoriented, but not quite hungover. She wasn’t sure how she should feel about waking up topless in Jackie’s bed – guilty? Confused? Stressed? It wasn’t that she regretted it, but she was afraid that it would complicate what was supposed to be a friendship at most.

Time was ticking away before Jackie would wake up, and Jan needed to decide what she wanted to do, and quickly. She pushed herself out of bed and went into the other room to get dressed. As she went back into the bedroom, she noticed that Jackie had personalized stationary on her desk (because of course she did). Jan decided that leaving a note and bailing was the best option - it was more personal than a text and she was still able to avoid confrontation.

Hi Jackie!

Sorry to run out on you like this, I had to get somewhere in a rush. But I had a great time with you last night, and I’ll see you in class on Monday. :)

Jan ♥

Jan wondered if the heart was too much, but decided it would be worse to erase it, so she left it on Jackie’s nightstand and quietly left. And she kept her fast pace, making it back to her dorm in record time. The second she got back to her dorm, she flopped onto her bed and screamed into her pillow.

“Rough night?” Lemon asked as she casually looked over at her disheveled and distressed roommate. “Not like you to spend it elsewhere.”

“Got caught in the storm, stayed with a friend,” she mumbled as she sat up.

Lemon arched her brow. “You get hickies from your friends often?”

Jan’s eyes widened as she turned to look in the mirror. Sure enough, there were multiple visible bruises littering her neck. “Oh, fuck me.”

“Looks like someone already did.”

“We didn’t have sex!” she insisted, unable to keep the defensiveness out of her voice. “I mean, even by lesbian standards, it wasn’t sex. We weren’t even naked.”

Lemon continued to look at Jan as if she were insisting the Earth was flat. “First of all, as a lesbian, I have no fucking idea what ‘lesbian standards’ are and I don’t want to know. Second, Even if it wasn’t ‘technically’ sex, it was enough to get you all worked up like this.”

Jan groaned and laid on her back. “It just shouldn’t have happened… It was my TA, Lem.”

“Damn, you gonna get some extra credit at least?”

She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I don’t know why I tell you things,” she murmured, reaching for her phone. She knew telling Gigi wouldn’t be any easier, but it wasn’t exactly something she would be able to keep as a secret.

And when Jan did meet up with Gigi, she wasn’t dreading the confession any less. They sat in a booth at a nearby diner, placing a brunch order before she decided she needed to just rip the bandage off. “I spent the night with Jackie.”

Gigi nearly spit her coffee out at that. “You did? Why? What happened? Don’t you skip any fucking details, Sport.”

Jan chewed on her lip. “The storm was really bad, so we decided I’d just stay there. Then we had some wine… well, a lot of wine. And we… We didn’t fuck, per sé, but things got very heated.”

“That would explain why you’re wearing a scarf in seventy degree weather.” she nodded as if she were making an astute observation. “So what happened when you guys woke up?”

Jan’s gaze drifted down to the table. “I woke up before she did, left her a note and went back to my dorm while she was asleep.”

Gigi looked at her friend like she was ready to grab her by the shoulders and shake her. But instead she just asked, “Are you fucking stupid?”

To which Jan shrugged and replied, “Maybe.” There was a brief pause as they received their meals. “But can you be specific as to why, though?”

“This was literally a sign that you guys have a connection, at least a physical one. The least you could’ve done is talk to her, how’s she going to take it as anything other than you not being interested, and don’t you try and act like you’re not.”

“I’m not not interested,” Jan conceded. “I just… It shouldn’t have happened like this, you know? I went over there to practice for my audition, not to dry hump her fucking thigh.”

Gigi did her best to listen and be the supportive friend that Jan clearly needed. “Look, you can’t un-fuck up how you handled that,” she started. “We just need to figure out where to go from here.”

Jan nodded in agreement as she picked at her food. Where did she go from here? Her heart said back to Jackie, but her brain said into a coma, ideally.

[kpopisamood]

Queen’s Clan { 18 }

Summary: y/n is plagued by nightmares. She realizes that the more she runs away, the less frequently they haunt her. However, in running away, she’s also running straight into her ultimate demise. Will she be saved in time by those who would lay down their lives for her, even if they don’t know of each other’s existence?

Monsta X/Reader, Human/Vampire(s), Reverse Harem

Warnings: none

Word count: 2.06k

Tag list: @noonaduck @lovinggalaxies @elenaramos1 @girlwith-thecinder-blockgarden @snowythellama @stargazersara @luvthatleader-nim @jooheonbee @vincent-stargogh @perrshian @kurochan3 @imbxckytrash @joonsgotthejuice @mymymywonderland @2ka-tja2 @qween-of-trash @senpai-creampai

***

12 years ago

An incessant pounding rounded on the door, causing him to tear away from one of his servant’s necks. He was about to dive back in, when the pounding resumed and he growled, shoving the meek body away from him and stalking towards the door before throwing it open.

“What.” He ground out.

The two guards’ eyes widened in panic as they took in their master’s appearance. His shirt was tattered and torn across his chest and sleeve, showcasing fresh lacerations that were rapidly healing underneath. Blood dripped from his mouth, staining his perfectly porcelain teeth with a pinkish hue.

Before he lunged for them for interrupting his meal, the other guard spoke. “Sire, it’s Kihyun.”

Those words were enough for him to run past the two in a blur, leaving them in a stupor.

Kihyun was everything to him. If he was hurt or worse, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself.

The lean man stormed into his room, nearly ripping the door off its hinges to see his Clan Mate in shambles on the ground.

Kihyun was worse for wear. He was shaking and in a cold sweat, mumbling miscellaneous phrases and words that made no sort of sense to him but he knew Kihyun saw a bigger picture. He just couldn’t voice it yet.

“Breathe, Ki. Just breathe with me. Come back to me.” He murmured, overtaking the older boy and holding him against his frame.

He listened to his heart racing, slowly coming down to a normal pace while Kihyun took deeper breaths and counted to himself. It would take approximately 1,200 seconds to come down. Or, 20 minutes to others. But he counted each moment just the same. Every single one precious.

Episodes like these were few and far in between, but were taken as seriously as a heart attack and dealt with only by Hyungwon.

But this episode really shook Kihyun. And anything that caused him this much panic, caused Hyungwon panic.

“What did you see?” Hyungwon prodded while leaning on Kihyun’s shoulder.

“We won’t be alone for long.” He sighed against him.

“Oh?” He questioned, inhaling his intoxicating scent and zeroing in on a pulsating vein.

“A lost Queen will join us.” Kihyun closed his eyes before he felt the younger one’s teeth pierce his flesh once more.

***

Hyungwon was relentless. The man sent gifts upon gifts to your new house, which was conveniently closer to his domain than the boys’ house was, entirely unplanned.

Your new nest had three stories and had a homey vibe, complete with a rustic decor that contained exposed ceiling beams in rooms like the living room and bedrooms with stone fireplaces in the dining room and den area. You’d made sure to ask specifically for a deck where you could escape to every so often and you realized the accounts left in your name were still intact even after spending enough for a lifetime. You didn’t want to seem shallow with your newfound wealth, but your Mates reassured you there were far worse divas that nearly went bankrupt to express their extravagant lifestyles and you wanted to put the rest of your money into savings should anything happen.

The gifts Hyungwon sent weren’t huge or expensive, ranging from a simple chocolate chip to a small orchid, but they were rather annoying to your Mates. One, because it got your attention. Two, because a Queen Killer was getting your attention. They tried desperately to get your mind off of whatever Hyungwon wanted from you and their possessive sides were coming out now more than ever.

But you weren’t going to be pushed around.

Hyungwon could send you all the gifts in the world and try and make you join him. Your Mates could try and boss you around and keep you sheltered.

But you were a Queen.

Not just in that, you’re a strong, independent being phrase but an actual Queen. You had your own land and could set your own rules and no one could tell you what to do.

The testosterone was downright annoying and you needed a break from everyone wanting your attention. So, naturally, you called Sonaelina and Astor for a weekend getaway.

***

“You mean, we’re ditching our Clans?” Astor asked, laughing at the idea of it.

“Taking a break.” Sonaelina corrected. “Y/N needs time to just relax and honestly, so do I.”

“You went on vacation with Jaebum last weekend.” Astor pointed out.

“And do you really think I got time to relax with him? I didn’t think so.” Sonaelina huffed.

Their exchange made you laugh and shake your head. The relationship between the two consisted of bickering but it was all love.

“How did you guys get so close?” You asked, taking a sip of your slightly alcoholic juice. You’d taken the offer Sonaelina had given you up and Astor was already here when you arrived. All three of you now sat outside on Sonaelina’s porch, watching the rain and talking about life.

“Astor was around six years old when we met. She was already Awakened a year prior when I came into my own.” Sonaelina explained, mixing her drink around with a straw and sipping it once more. “I was around thirteen and saw this little shit running around and found her infuriating as hell but somehow couldn’t turn her away whenever she needed help.”

“I’m kind of accident prone,” Astor started, looking off into the downpour that enveloped the space outside the covered porch. “When I first Awakened, I terrified the Elders. They didn’t think I could control my affinities and they were...right.” She smiled sadly. All at once, the temperature dropped and the rain turned into ice flurries.

You almost forgot about the powers.

“‘Ria, Louisiana isn’t supposed to get this much ice.” Sonaelina reprimanded softly before a streak of lightning flashes across the sky and the ice flurries turned back into thick drops of rain, pelting the muddy ground once more.

“They tried locking me up. But when you try cornering a child with no known limits on their affinities, it doesn’t end pretty. Sonaelina was the only one who could get close enough with her gifts that I just had to let her in. Ever since, we’ve been family.” Astor chuckled.

“What do you think about Kings?” You asked.

“I don’t.” Sonaelina laughed before sipping her alcohol again. “I’ve got everything I need right here.” She smiled fondly in a daze, thinking of her Clan and her home. She had a real family dynamic going for her and she wasn’t about to turn things upside down for a King.

“We’ve all been approached by Kings who are deteriorating in status, but why would we want to give up everything for them?” Astor nodded along thoughtfully.

“You’d have to give up everything?” You asked.

“Well, yes. Kings are very prideful. They would never allow a Queen to keep her Clan if they somehow got together with her. Has a King approached you lately, Y/N?” Sonaelina asked tentatively.

“Chae Hyungwon has.” You replied hesitantly. Not exactly knowing if this was something you could trust with the two but wanting to be able to depend on them. There was something so authentic about their relationship and it made you want to open up to them. To have friends like them.

“Ah, the Queen Killer.” Astor nodded, taking a slight sip and wincing.

“Has he killed a Queen before? I’ve heard rumors but do you two know if there’s a factual story behind it?”

“His mother was a Queen and she died giving birth to him. But there are other stories. Long story short it’s just, whenever he’s around a Queen they end up dead in some bizarre way that no one can really explain. I honestly think Kihyun has something to do with it; his Clan mate. Kihyun has the gift of sight and I’m sure Hyungwon uses his gifts to his advantage.” Sonaelina answered solemnly.

“Clan mates can have gifts like we can?”

“Erm-speaking of gifts, what are yours Y/N?” Astor interrupted.

The change of topic wasn’t lost to you but if you were to keep these two as friends, you couldn’t push too much. Not yet. “I’m not too sure about my gifts. I didn’t exactly grow up in this life and I’m still a bit hesitant on the whole blood thing let alone powers.” You stated with a slight frown. Would you be in control of fire and lightning like Sonaelina? Or ice like Astor? You hadn’t given much thought to the powers you could possibly have, but now it bothered you that you hadn’t tried to see exactly which kinds you’d have. Surely, as kids, we all tried to see if we were Telekinetic. That if we stared long and hard enough at our light switches across the room, they’d magically flip to the opposite circuit. Wishful thinking at its best.

But now, checking to see what kind of powers you had wasn’t just an imaginative activity. You could actually have some form of powers and all you had to do was check.

“I’ve got an idea.” Astor smirked before hauling you up and nearly ripping your arm off in the process of cackling at your confused stare. Sonaelina shrugged and walked after you two, in no sort of rush.

Astor had pulled you into a double door studio, complete with a whole wall of mirrors to one side. Sonaelina waltzed in not too long after, drink still in hand as she watched Astor set things up with an amused expression.

“Ah, shit. I forgot. Do you want to try and find your power with us? It’s usually an intimate thing you know before you’re Awakened, but we didn’t think to ask!” Astor sputtered.

“We?” Sonaelina chuckled while Astor sent a glare in her direction.

“I guess we could try a couple things, right? It wouldn’t hurt.” You agreed.

Astor had set on three items on a row of pillows on the ground and she gestured you to come sit across from her. On one pillow was a patch of grass. The next one contained a teacup of water and the last had dark rocks with scraps of material surrounding them.

“All you’re gonna do is focus on each one and we see if it reacts. Nothing too strenuous since these are the basics! Usually, Queens have an affinity for at least one of these elements so I thought to just bring these out and test our luck! Try to focus on the embers! They’re just about put out but maybe you can rekindle them?”

You frowned before turning your attention to the rocks on the far right. You kept thinking of fire as you stared down at the rocks, picturing a massive fire or even a quick flick of flame.

No such luck.

“Bummer, maybe you’re a water hoe?” Sonaelina reassured.

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with being a water hoe!” Astor admonished before letting you focus on the teacup.

Same result. Nada.

You sighed before massaging your temples, getting slightly frustrated.

“Maybe you’re an earth girl? If not, you could always control more complicated elements! Don’t lose hope.” Astor added.

Each element was not to your liking. Or rather, you weren’t to their liking.

Sonaelina was on the ground with you two now and trying to comfort you as best she could while encouraging you to keep trying, but it was futile. You’d had enough. You huffed and rolled your eyes before asking if you could just go back to hanging out and both girls quickly agreed, not wanting to upset their newfound friend.

The moment all three of you left, activity erupted between the elements simultaneously.

The fire sizzled out, the water dried up, and the grass patch was burnt to a crisp.

Please do NOT repost! All rights reserved!

[ikenbar]

Mr. Love: Ike’s Choice CH3 PT6

Warnings: The long awaited and inevitable angst. Sorry Lucy Lovers, I’m trying to make a title here and it is not going to do well when I have nothing but fluff for this guy; Talks about abuse, scars, self deprecation, confrontational men who care about stains in new suits,... Ok, there will be some fluff too. But don’t get your hopes up! I’ll make up for the bit of fluff with the all too familiar cliffhanger :D

(Chapter Three (Victor and Lucien) prologue and part one, and parts two, three, four, and five here~)

((Please read the author’s note (and the beginning of the story) on chapter one part one if you’re new here :D)) Chapter three:

Part six:

The restaurant we were in looked as if it came straight from Italy. Plants wrapped themselves around pillars and various paintings hung in between them. Small tables with a nice chestnut brown wood were placed seemingly at random throughout the restaurant with corresponding chairs surrounding them, giving the restaurant a nice homely vibe. The lights were dimmed and a slight tinge of yellow, bringing in a nice romantic atmosphere. 

The chatter of the patrons filled the room as nearly all of the tables were occupied with a hungry soul. The air was thick with anticipation as the smell of food wafted from behind the kitchen, tantalizing everyone inside of the dining room.

 Lucien and I were seated at a table next to the window, where I got a good view of the storm clouds blowing in from the hills. “It’s a good thing we came in when we did.” I said after the waiter left. “Though I didn’t bring an umbrella.”

“Me neither.” Lucien hummed, “But this gives us more reason to spend more time here. So we can wait out the storm.” I looked over to Lucien who was already looking at me with a smile. 

“I guess you’re right.” I sarcastically sighed, redirecting my attention outside as the first bits of rain hit the window, “Bummer.” I watched as Lucien’s reflection smiled adoringly at me before opening the wine menu that the waiter had left him. I felt a smile slip past my lips as I watched him. It quickly fell as a thought came to mind. I turned to look at Lucien, my sharp movements causing him to look up.

“You better not be thinking of paying for this meal.” I threatened. Lucien placed down the wine menu, still smiling politely.

“And what if I am?”

“Lucien, you have done too much already. You’ve already bought something for me-”

“It was from a thrift shop. It was really no trouble to get.”

“My point still stands.”

“Ike-”

“Lucien, I’m getting the meal tonight. That’s final. Besides, you’ve done more than enough for me already.”

“Oh really? How so?”

I opened my mouth but froze. If I were to say why, it would likely unload a bunch of prying questions. 

Am I really ready for that? 

As soon as I asked myself that, I had an answer.

“Because… you helped me trust again.” I looked down at the table, speaking softly but meaningfully, “I’ll be honest, I wasn’t looking forward to tonight. I thought it would just be me wasting your time as you tried to pry your way into my personal life. But, I was wrong. Tonight you showed me respect in a way I have never seen before. You put thought into every little detail and you did it all so I would feel happy and comfortable. No one has ever done that for me, except Bart and Maria... And Sam. And even then it took them a month to even get a word out of me. What I’m trying to say is… thank you. For this evening, for your time, for… everything.” 

Silence washed over the table. I looked up at Lucien. His eyes were large and full of a large mixture of emotions, making them hard to read. I kept my eyes trained on him for a moment longer before the awkwardness finally set in. 

“Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.” I coughed and looked down and away from his eyes as I struggled to find a way to change the subject. I felt something warm cover my hand. I looked up in time to catch Lucien take my hand in his and pull it closer to him.

“I’m glad you did.” Lucien smiled peacefully. Though he seemed set on his answer, his eyes were still incredibly hard to read. There was something almost unsettling about it. 

Still, his answer cleaned the anxiety in my chest and replaced it with a sense of relief strong enough to make me smile again. Lucien’s smile grew even larger as he watched me.

“I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen you smile.” Lucien’s voice was extremely gentle, as if he was scared the sound would scare my smile away. 

It nearly did. 

I felt my face flush as I looked down. His grip tightened on me as he used his free hand to force my face back up again. “Don’t stop.” His whisper was carried swiftly away in the chaotic room. I reunited my eyes with Lucien’s. After a moment, I sighed and matched his grip on my hand. My smile didn’t waver but my heart was getting increasingly harder to control. He knew exactly what to say and how to move to make me feel like I was the only woman in the world to him. Half of me felt jealous of all the women he must have had the practice with, but the other half of me was overjoyed that I was the one he was dedicating this moment to. A moment I had wished would last an eternity.

The waiter came back to our table. “Can I get you guys started with some wine tonight?” He asked cheerfully. The reminder of another presence in the room made me regain my composure and pull away from Lucien’s touch. Lucien smiled at the waiter and handed him back the wine menu.

“We’ll take your finest.” Lucien’s voice was sweeter than any of the desserts in that restaurant. The waiter grinned politely and nodded, leaving Lucien and I alone at the table again. I opened my mouth to speak but Lucien already knew what I was going to ask. “You aren’t paying for anything tonight.” He said with sincerity dripping from his tongue, “Your smile is payment enough.” My smile fell as frustration replaced what happiness I held. I was ready to debate with him but Lucien gave me a resolute look, signifying there was no way he was going to be talked out of it. I let out a heavy sigh and rolled my eyes dramatically.

“Fine.” I picked up the food menu in front of me, “I suppose I’ll have to accept this free meal from you this once. But don’t think you will talk me out of the next one.”

“The next one?” Lucien said in a teasing tone.

“Of course.” I looked up determinately at Lucien, “Do you really think I’m going to accept this perfect night without giving something back? Prepare to have your socks knocked off.”

Lucien laughed, “I can’t wait.” My smile returned as I looked back down at the menu. This night really couldn’t have gone better… Which is weird… Isn’t it? 

Lucien and I have only met once. How could he have gotten so many things right in so little time? How could he have known exactly how to make me so happy when all I did that night was push him away..? 

I shook my head slightly, warding away the anxious thoughts. He is a scientist. He could see things in me that I didn’t know I was revealing. He was just practicing his work… still… I slipped a hand onto my chest, hoping to stifle what uneasy feelings were growing there.

The waiter came back to our table and poured us a couple glasses of wine. We gave him our orders and he left us once again in silence. “Ike,” Lucien was the first to break it as I moved to take the glass that was placed in front of me. I hummed in response to his call and focused all of my attention to Lucien. “If you don’t mind my asking, what were your first words to your family?” The question was asked so simply but a train of thoughts and emotions hit me. None of them were bad though. My smile grew as I thought back to that day.

“‘Thank you.’” The words came as simply as the question did, “It was ‘thank you.’ I said it to Sam after he gave me a gift.” I thought talking to Lucien about my past was going to be the hardest thing I would do that night, but in that moment, it came as easily as taking a breath.

“Oh?” Lucien’s voice was slightly eager, “What did he give you?”

“An MP3 player.” I sighed happily as the memory of his big, missing toothed smile came to mind, “I was just about to go to the gym but he stopped me. He knew how much I liked going there and he wanted to give me something that reminded me of him while I worked out. He had surprised me enough that day that the words sort of… slipped out.”

“He surprised you multiple times? How so?” Lucien was obviously prying but I didn’t mind. For once in my life, talking to someone about my past was almost calming. 

“Well,” I began, reaching once more for my glass of wine, “I caught him being bullied at school that day. He was such a bad kid. Still kind of is if I’m gonna be-...” I had brought the glass to my lips and caught a glimpse of my reflection.  My eyes locked onto the scar on my cheek. For a moment I couldn’t speak. My mind went blank. Then a clear image of the warehouse explosion entered my mind.

 Someone is after me.

Someone knows every little move I made and was able to graph it out on a map. Not only that, but they were able to take pictures of me in those locations without me noticing. Someone was out there and was willing to hurt me or anyone I cared about to get to me. And I am sitting here, sipping wine with a man I barely know.  Lucien spent one night with me and knew exactly how to please me. How to break down the walls I had put up and get me speaking so freely and openly about everything, and he did it all while I didn’t suspect a thing. I was sitting there, spilling about my past as if it was nothing. Outing the very people who mattered to me the most.

“... Honest?” Lucien egged. My eyes slowly moved to him, then to the coat around my shoulders. He played me like a fiddle. 

And I let him. 

I stood quickly from my chair, letting the coat fall from my shoulders. “I… need to go.” I said quietly as looked around, struggling to find a way out of the restaurant without drawing attention to myself.

“Is everything alright?” Lucien stood from his seat as well, causing me to step back defensively in response. I kicked my chair into the one behind it, causing the man sitting in it to choke on his drink and spill it onto himself. He stood briskly from his chair, pushing me forward and making me lose my balance. Lucien moved quickly and caught me just before I hit the table. He held me tightly as he helped me back up and onto my feet. The man I had bumped into towered over the both of us as he glared at me.

“What’s the big idea?!” The man growled as he walked out from his seat. Lucien forced me behind him and held out a protective arm.

“It was an accident.” Lucien’s voice was calm but he an obvious defensive aura radiated off of his body, “We’re sorry for the inconvenience it has brought you.”

“Oh are you now?” The man closed the distance between him and Lucien, bringing his face right up against Lucien’s. Lucien stood his ground, “I hope you are willing to pay for some more wine, punk. And dry cleaning for this expensive suit.” The room became silent as the men talked. The only sounds were from the kitchen as utensils clanked and food sizzled. 

I started inching backwards and away from the situation. My back hit something hard and a loud clattering came from behind me. I turned around quickly to see a waiter with a teetering tray of food in his hands threatening to fall over. I reached out my left hand quickly to catch him. As I did, the cufflinks on his uniform caught onto my sleeve and, with the strength of his fall, tore a large hole in my shirt. Small gasps echoed through the room.

With the waiter’s arm in my hand, I pulled him up. “I am so sorry.” I quickly said, holding the waiter’s arms as he adjusted himself, “Are you ok? Are you hurt?”

 “Ike.” Lucien’s soft voice broke the chaotic atmosphere. I turned and looked at him. His attention wasn’t on me but rather my torn shirt, “...your arm.” I looked down to see that the sleeve had torn enough to reveal my abuse ridden arms. 

For everyone to see.

Embarrassment washed over my face as I tried pulling my shirt closed again. “It’s nothing.” I stammered over my words as I tried to maintain my composure, “It’s just… I…” I froze. I had spent so many years hiding that part of me. Am I really willing to let Lucien see that side? If not that night, was I willing to let him see that side of me.. Ever? The side that numerous people called a monster? That was used to fight for people’s entertainment? That withheld any sign of trust or reason from me? Even if he were trustworthy, was I really going to tell Lucien any of that? 

“... This... was a bad idea.” My voice cracked under the pressure I had presented myself with, “I’m going home.” With that, I pushed past the men in front of me and briskly walked to the exit.

“Wait-” Lucien started to call after me but was stopped by the man.

“Hey, punk! I’m not finished with you yet.” The man pushed at Lucien’s shoulder, “Your girlfriend can wait for you outside.”

“Ikamara! Wait for me!” Lucien called helplessly back to me but I didn’t listen. I turned the next corner and left him. Just like I should have at the beginning of the night.

(Next)

[somnolent-snufkin]

This is a draft that was left on my drafts for ten months.

I've decided to just post it because I have no idea what I was trying to do or how to finish it. So here's some trash from 2019...

Feeling Replaced

The leaves fell off the trees, the once green grass turned into a faded yellow. The cool wind blew away the warmth. It was Autumn in the Valley and Moomintroll knew what would happen. Snufkin would leave for the winter soon.

Moomintroll walked across the bridge, quickly taking notice that his friend was taking down his tent.

"Why are you getting ready to leave? It's only been a few days since summer ended." Moomintroll asked.

"I need to leave sooner this year. I fear the snow might be coming sooner than I thought." Snufkin responded, keeping his head down and eyes on the ground. It was certainly difficult to make eye contact when you're stretching the truth.

"Oh.." Moomin frowned. "I guess.. if you need to leave, you need to leave." He knew his friend needed space, and he wouldn't disrespect that. He knew better now. But it still made him somber.

"You'll still come back as soon as spring starts, right?"

"Of course, Moomintroll."

That was three years ago.

Snufkin hadn't seen or heard from Moomintroll in three years. He hadn't come back to the valley after that. He couldn't handle being there anymore. His emotions became too difficult to handle. The lies he was telling was beginning to damage himself.

However, Snufkin felt like he was capable of coming back this year. He was able to handle his feelings better now. To him, "better" was being able to suppress strong feelings. Snufkin made a plan to come back to the valley, he vaguely mapped out the route in his head. Then he packed up his stuff and began his trek.

After much bickering at himself and bottling up, he arrived at the bridge. Snufkin looked at the wood, remembering a good amount of bad memories. The mumrik stood on the bridge and waited for a moment. Snufkin decided to sit down on the bridge and wait for his friend. As soon as he sat down, he heard the moomin talking in the distance. He stood up immediately.

"Moomintroll?"

"Snufkin?" Moomintroll called out, walking up to the bridge. However, he wasn't alone and Snufkin didn't notice.

"Moomintroll!" Snufkin smiled. He impulsively hugged his friend as soon as he walked up to him. Moomintroll chuckled nervously, forcing a fake smile on his face. He politely pushed Snufkin away.

"Sorry, he doesn't like others hugging me." Moomintroll pointed to a figure walking up to the bridge. "Anyways, why are you back? I figured you were never going to come back."

"I left for a little while because of.. issues I was having. But things are better now." Snufkin responded.

"A little while? I'm pretty sure you were gone for two years." The person who was following Moomintroll said. Snufkin looked at the him. He was a mumrik as well. This new mumrik was about the same height as Snufkin, he wore a yellow tunic, brown trousers, had bright blonde fur, and had bright blue eyes.

"No, Eemeli. I said he was gone for three years." Moomintroll said to the new mumrik.

"W.. Who are you?" Snufkin asked, trying to sound as polite as possible.

"I'm Moomintroll's boyfriend, Eemeli." Eemeli explained. "We've been together for nearly one and a half years."

"Yes! We met on the beach. Eemeli was wandering around the valley and he saw that I was sitting on the beach crying. We talked for a while and realized we liked a lot of the same stuff..."

Snufkin had tuned out what Moomin was saying. He kept thinking to himself. Why was he so troubled by this. Why does Eemeli look so much like himself? Was Moomintroll actually into both men and women this whole time?

Once Snufkin snapped back to reality, Moomintroll had finished talking.

"Oh! Uhh.. congratulations, you two.." Snufkin smiled as best as he could. Even if that smile wasn't very convincing.

"Aww! Thank you." Moomintroll had a bright smile on his face, while Eemeli had a cocky grin. Snufkin really didn't like the vibe the other mumrik was giving off. It felt awfully rude.

The two lovers went about their day, being really close to one another. Snufkin stayed near the bridge, fishing occasionally. He set up his tent where he normally would. But an unfortunate storm began blowing it's way across the valley.

Around nightfall, Snufkin hid in his tent. But the canvas roof was not enough to keep the rain from pouring in. He refused to let his hopes get too high up; he told himself that there was no way Moomintroll would let him stay in his room like he used to. Eemeli was clearly more important to Moomin, and he had to respect that.

And to his surprise, Moomintroll called his name from the window.

Twenty minutes later, Moomintroll and Snufkin were sitting in Moomin's room talking about what's been happening over the years. It was just them. Just like old times.

"Hey, Snufkin?"

"Yes?"

"When you were leaving here three years ago, what made you do it?"

"I-I told you. The snow."

"I know that, but what made you not come back?"

"I.." The mumrik in green sighed. "I guess it would be better to simply tell you at this point.."

"Oh?"

"I didn't come back because I-"

"Heeeello, Moomee." Eemeli walked into the room, not a care in the world for what Snufkin was trying to say. "Wait why's green boy here?"

"His name is Snufkin. He's here because I asked him to come inside. There's a terrible rain storm outside and I don't want him to get hurt."

"Why would ya care whether or not he's ok? I thought you told me he left ya alone."

"Does it really matter? He's my friend and..."

Snufkin spaced out, feeling a bit of heartache from the word "friend". It just brought up the reason why he left in the first place back to his memory. He saw Moomintroll as more than a friend. As he sat there, completely unaware of the argument going on in front of him, he loosened his grip on the whole "don't express emotion because it's annoying" thing. He ended up letting himself express some disappointment. His neutral grin adjusted into a frown while his eyes expressed nothing but slight sadness.

"..will you stop arguing with me? I just want to help my friend." Moomintroll yelled as Snufkin tuned back in.

"And I want to keep you safe from toxic folks like this rude fellow." Eemeli yelled back.

"I-" Moomin turned around to look at what was making a muffled cry. Snufkin was crying softly and he hadn't even noticed. Even the mumrik himself didn't notice.

"Snufkin? Are you ok?" Moomin asked, tone changed completely. "I don't think I've seen you cry like this since we returned the fire spirit back home.."

"I-I'm sorry.. I don't know why I just broke down. I'll leave. I'm so sorry.." Snufkin tried to leave but Moomintroll grabbed his arm before he could go anywhere.

"Wait, I want to make sure you're ok! I know it's pushing boundaries but you just don't seem like yourself.."

"I-I.. just feel.." Snufkin wiped away his tears and returned to a neutral expression. "I don't think I could say it. It's a bit annoying.."

"Oh I'm sure you can say it out loud in front of both of us." The mumrik in yellow grumbled.

"Eemeli, please leave the room for just a moment." Moomintroll asked. Eemeli rolled his eyes and left the room. Moomintroll ran over to Snufkin and grabbed his hands.

"I know I'm pushing so many boundaries but you look so broken. You look like you need help. The atmosphere around you is so somber and heartbroken.." Tears threatened to fall down Moomin's face. He knew something was wrong- very wrong.

"Please.. tell me what's going on. I want to help."

Snufkin avoided looking at Moomin in the eyes. He couldn't tell him. It would go against everything he had been teaching himself. But it felt so difficult to hold in anymore. He decided to just let it go.

"I didn't leave that evening because of early snow.." Snufkin sniffled. "I left because I was feeling emotions too strong for me to handle. I know it's normal for that to happen at the age we were. But I wanted control over myself so badly I was willing to sacrifice our friendship for it."

Moomintroll didn't say a word. He just listened.

"I loved you. I still love you. But it felt so wrong to think of you in that way.. since you were with Snorkmaiden." Snufkin continued. At this point, he broke down crying and Moomintroll could only hold his hand in support. The bottle had finally been opened, and all the contents were leaking out.

[spacegaywritings]

Communication of Silence - Chapter 12 “Spi(c)es 2″

Summary: Virgil runs into Patton at therapy. Turns out Patton, Virgil and Picani all know one another.

Tags: therapy, panic, anxiety, grounding techniques, a lot of stress for Virgil, miscommunication, apologies, soft logan, supportive patton, coffee mention, skin picking, fidgeting

ao3: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 12,5 / 13 / 14 + Tumblr: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 12,5 / 13 / 14 +

  My KoFi  - Support me ♥ or Commission me

 Story under the cut (Word count ~6k):

Virgil carefully stepped out of the room, legs a bit shaky and heart light.

Their mind was still trying to wrap around the that leaving this room was akin the world of hope and falling back into the pits of darkness. Knowledge a dagger in their hand to cut through every tendril of doubt and mishap that attempted to pull them into the abyss of despair once more. 

 Sometimes, talking was harder than they liked it to be but at least it was over. It equipped them with the right tools to figure themself out, to make life in the darkness better. At some point, they would find their light and banish every and all lingering piece of threatening shadows. 

Admittedly, they did feel better. Their body was just shook from all the feelings and shit. Battling your demons was a chore but winning them over was a privilege of knowing how to. Sometimes trial and error was enough.

Sometimes, people needed to dip into the confidentiality of a professional to master the art of negotiating peace with oneself. 

 Stupid feelings.

 Life was already hard enough. 

Living with toxic thinking was unnecessarily exhaustive. It felt like an extra punishment after every hardship people went through. 

 From all they knew, it was worth it. 

Going out, hands free and heart open was a blessing. Exploring the outside with an objective vision instead of spiking darkness at any corner of their mind.. it was.. it was a relief. 

Work came with it, sure, but what in life didn't come without a price? Virgil had already decided that therapy was annoying. But it was annoying and absolutely worth it. 

Ever time they stepped out of the care of their therapist, they knew their world was painted in new colours. Every time they opened their eyes to see new kindness and be surprised by a sudden brightness around them, they felt affirmed in their decision to stick with it and fight the battle of his own absurd thinking. 

The student ran their hands through purple hair and sighed once more.

It was over.

It was helpful.

They had done all that had been asked from them.

 Their shoulders were lighter and, as usual, life seemed a bit kinder than before. 

On top of that... 

A realisation nudged them and a smile appeared on their face.

Dee!

Within a split second, they already took their phone out and unlocked the screen with swift movements. Their eyes barely looked at the password as their fingers confirmed it and immediately clicked the messenger icon to contact Dee.

 By now, she should be done with work. Or at least soon. They shot a quick message to her. Just to make sure she was informed.

   *Conversation between Dee♥ and you.*

 Today.

 You, 3.51pm: Did your stupid therapy. Happy?

(sent)

  “Oh, Virgil. What on earth are you doing here?”

 A voice of genuine surprise banged against heir head and ripped them out of his comfortable thought bubble of being together with Dee by the next day. 

For now, the dream was squished back onto the bench. With drops of disappointment souring their mind for the moment. 

Instead, they were met with the rather neutral and beige office in which people were received for therapy.

 Reality.

 Before them, the familiar sigh of a certain walking hug made their spiking heartbeat calm down and refrain from thumping up their throat.

 “P-patton?”, they asked in a small voice, their question coming out as a startled squeaking more than anything at this point.

They sounded unusually quiet and insecure compared to how Patton perceived them during the last days. It reminded him an odd amount of when they had met for the first time and Virgil had resembled a scared, abandoned kitten in the streets that was met with a stranger’s warm hands for the first time.

 Virgil swallowed their dumb question away and shrugged the obvious answer into their conversation.

 “I, u.. I could ask you the same. You came for an appointment?”

 Patton chuckled and shook his head, his ginger candy strands of hair flying wildly and eventually nestling against his pale skin once more.

He looked like a little pastel prince of the kindness and forgiveness kingdom. 

 “Aw, no kiddo. I do not go to therapy, I am learning how to provide for other people. I am working with Dr. Picani for my master’s thesis. I only came by to drop something for him at the reception.”

 As if on cue, the leading therapist in question stormed out of his office and waved at Patton. If Emile had been a life guard this would have meant the worst of all cases. But what did frantic waving stand for at the therapist's? 

 “Patton, wait a min-”

 His outcry was interrupted as he finally made his way over to the two talking students. Apparently, his mind took a while to comprehend the view before him as well as the fact that he was still in the middle of a sentence.

 “Oh Virgil, how come you are here today?”

 The emphasis on the last word was the core of his question. 

There was no wonder about them being there at all. 

Virgil shuffled their shoes and looked down to be met with the sight of one green and one purple shoe. The green one had leaves and bamboo sticks drawn all over it in a darker shade of green - much like the forest's rich leaves during midsummer. The purple one had a little galaxy-like image on the inside of where their ankle should be. Rain showers of white suns and blue glimmers adorned the little piece of space. 

They had drawn it on their own after dyeing their godforsaken, old-as-balls shoes. Kyle had inspired them to fix them up with some nifty drawings. Now they looked admirably special and were worth being desired greatly. 

 “Emergency session”, they said, shrugging, “I am all good, now. Promise, Em.”

 They did not realise the slight frown weighing Patton’s candybrows down just the slightest bit. Within just a moment, the shadow of doubt was gone and he decided to take the lead of the conversation.

 The confusion still left an imprint on the back of his mind. He had never heard anyone talk so intimately to Emile. It was not his business but a part of him wondered, how Virgil and Picani knew each other. 

Curiosity was indeed a human vice. 

But.. pet names like this were usually not exactly a therapy-client relationship.

Not his business, he reminded himself with waning patience. 

 “Anyway, what did you want from me? I can be right on my way and let you two catch up after you told me.”

 Emile’s face lightened up in realisation and he revealed a rather familiar sports bag Virgil had seen on him before. It was Patton’s and he had seen him return from his night shifts with this. 

Did he have another shift right now? All the more reason to consider Ri's offer. 

 “You forgot your bag when you dropped your scripts over here. Thank you for not being cranky about me being so busy - I was just on a call right now and couldn't delay it. ”

 It was Virgil’s turn to move their face, one single eyebrow arching up for just a moment.

Emile evidently avoided looking at them as he spoke these words. That bastard totally hid something. 

 A call.. hmm. 

 Patton noticed the change with a little pat to his heart but he took a deep breath to shift his attention back to the topic at hand.

It wasn't his business, no matter how tempting and curious it seemed to be. If any of them wanted to talk, they would decide that. Not he. 

 “Ah, yes. Thank you so much. I was on the way home now. Virgil, do you want me to wait for you and take you with me?”

 Oh holy fucking shit.

Virgil bit their lip and looked at the tallest of the three, an undefinable tension in their eyes. Not once before had Patton seen a look of trouble like that before. Not from the usually either shy and cautious kitten or the straight up fierce tiger that was the smaller punk. 

 “I-...”

 Their mouth simply stood open and they blinked at Patton as if he had just asked them to choose between two of his dearest friends - one would be lost forever and never to be met or befriended again, while the other one was ensured to stay around by force of magic and the supernatural law of weird situations and horrible choices forced onto people.

 No one would take a decision as that lightly. 

The small student just shrugged but before they could even open their mouth to speak up again, Emile was audibly gasping.

 “No way, you two are living together! This is amazing! I never knew! Look at you two making a great duo! I bet you are getting along so well!”

 At once, a warmth settled on Patton’s face and his head moved to a nod while Virgil shrugged and stole a single glance at the giant.

Their cheeks grew warm and redder.

 “Guess‘s not so bad”

 Virgil grimaced but the soft laugh from Patton and affirming “you are lovely to cook with”, let their lips move from awkward grin to a genuine, lop-sided smile.

 The doctor in pastel pink and beige brown was producing an air of warmth.

 “I am sure you are a team, better than Jessie and James!"

  Patton gave the comment a little chuckle and Virgil shook their head yet a smile was still visible on their face.

They would never be able to deny just how much they relished in the simplicity of these jokes making any situation less awkward. If it was not for any other person, Virgil knew that the ginger giant from candyland was definitely the person at fault for them enjoying stupid puns so much.

 He just strategically used them so well in any situation. It was like the right tool to disarm any bomb about to explode and he did it without breaking a sweat.

Emile was just silly - a little less cunning and definitely more upfront about negative vibes.

 Maybe it was because he was older and knew to address certain issues. Perhaps Patton just wanted to keep peace?

 They were overthinking.

They had to stop.

Now.

 Before Virgil could go on a mental rant to yell at themself for still ruminating over it and possibly kicking themself into disliking Patton, an all-too familiar sound came up. The sound that appeared whenever “Law and Order” switched between scenes or skipped time or anything.

 Virgil jolted a bit but reacted fast.

 “Holy snowflake, this was sudden”, Patton exclaimed with little breath left in his lungs and an assuring hand over his heart to calm his nerves.

The sound had been quite loud and he felt like he had heart it before.

 All the while, a grin was spread all over Virgil’s face and the awkward student forgot about their thoughts and worries for a bit. Even the current situation and conundrum seemed to have disappeared.

They typed away fast, a little mumble escaping their curved lips without them noticing.

  *Conversation between Dee♥ and you.*

 Today.

 You, 3.51pm: Did your stupid therapy. Happy?

(sent)

 Dee♥, 4.00 pm: I am killing it and I sincerely hope you did too. *snake emoji* *smirk emoji*

 Dee♥, 4.00 pm: Anyway, how are you holding up darling? Did the cartoon enthusiast catch you in time?

 You, 4.00 pm: Next to him.

You, 4.01 pm: Patton is here. Fucking kill me.

You, 4.01 pm: He asked to bring me home but I thought about going to Ri. Em could easily take me.

(sent)

  The response was a quick “yikes” but his attention was drawn back into the conversation before they got to message back.

The phone was rattling with another sudden sound but Virgil took the second flinch from Patton and turned off the sound.

 “Sorry”

 Emile shook his head quickly, a little smile painting his patient features and Virgil felt already hugged and pleasantly scolded like from a caring parent.

It was an odd feeling.

 “Remember to not apologise for yourself. You had your reasons to reply. I hope she is doing well - I assume it is the loyal Sapphire to your own Ruby self.”

 Patton’s spirits returned. His freckled face was beaming and he quickly hugged his bag against himself.

 “Aw, how adorable! I never thought of you in this way! Emile, how dare you give me this gem of feelings”

 He winked and Emile winked back.

 OOF.

 Virgil’s groan could be heard in the far distance of edgy teenager land while the adults were giggling at one another like little schoolgirls. It was oddly adorable.

Seeing Patton laughing was another level of comforting.

 “Uh, yeah.. talking about gem and shit”

 Wow, what a horrible start Virgil - wait. No. It was an okay start. Just a start. They would not mind and if they did, who cared. It was just a st- just a sentence.

Yeah.

 “I might get my gem ass over to Ri and sleepover because, uh, yeah. I think he would be happy to have me around tonight.”

 Virgil looked down at their shoes and shrugged. A part of their mind was still wildly roaring and telling them that this was a horrible sentence and how Patton would hate them now and despise them for everything.

And Emile? Maybe he would be jealous or get upset at them upsetting Patt-

 No. No

Stupid thoughts.

Bullshit thoughts.

They went to therapy to not have any of these thoughts anymore.

It was bullshit, anxiety was just being some overdramatic shit and it was a help to nobody so it was time to fucking stop the fuck now.

 They shrugged again and looked to the side before back at Patton.

 “Sor- I mean.. thank, uh.. thanks for offering a ride but I think I will go to my family and make sure they know I am okay and shit. I uh... they worry, you know.”

 Virgil offered a little smile. The pang of guilt jotted into their mouth and made it harder to smile but the lips stayed into position despite their little trembles and struggles to stay still.

 With a the eyes of a man who mirrored Virgil, Patton nodded at the remark.

 “I am glad to hear they care about you and.. and that you care about them, kiddo. I am sure they will be happy to have you around”, he started and stopped for a moment, his lips rolling together and his tongue parting them as if to spread the taste of his upcoming words on them.

He was contemplating about whether or not he should let them go beyond his tongue.

 After a small pause, the decision was made.

 “You don’t have to be scared of being with us. I am happy to see you and I honestly think Logan couldn’t be happier but to have found a friend like you.”

 Virgil looked at him, wide-eyed.

Shock short-circuited their brain and ruled over their reason for long enough to override the anxious filter that would usually prevent words like that to pass his lips.

 “You- you mean you are notmadwearefriends?”

 The emo stepped closer to Emile and reached out for him, only to be gladly received by his welcoming chest and arms.

 Patton blinked back, pressing his tongue against his gums to swallow his amusement at how absurd the other sounded. It was much better than to succumb to the bitter after-taste of an idea about why the other was so concerned. Instead, he helped himself and his smaller friend to the truce of another peaceful smile.

A smile so outwardly kind and warming, it could only come from a giant that served unexpected kindness instead of crushing dreams and bones.

 “Virgil, kiddo, we are friends too. I would never get upset at you over something so silly. I want my friends to be happy and you and Logan are happy together, even if you don’t always fully agree with one another.”

 The last part smelled like Logan talking about last night but Virgil stopped themself from boarding the panic train.

Patton wanted them to know it was okay. He was not mad.

 They were friends.

  Virgil carefully squeezed their arms around Emile for a bit longer. It was almost as if they tried reassuring someone else in order to make convince themself.

Projection, as Emile would call it.

 ...Actually, Patton would say the same.

Psychology nerds everywhere.

 There were also feelings everywhere. They were like bubbles filled with different-coloured things that were fizzy or sizzling or gas-like and so on. Somehow, all these bubbles around Virgil did not feel pressing anymore. They squeezed them in a bit but it was cozy, in a weird way. Warmth and pink was around them.

It was innocent and .. trustworthy.

 For once, there were no red flags. Wind glided over the pastel coloured banners of a relationship so novel and refreshing to Virgil.

It was still difficult to see and process.

Maybe one day, they would see these banners and identify them as a welcoming sign of hospitality and open arms. New ones but still arms stretched out to happily receive them.

 “thanks...”

 They slowly blinked at Patton who returned the little gesture with another soft rise of his lips’ corners.

Emile gently shielded the smaller person and mumbled something to which Virgil nodded again.

 Patton accepted being the outside with silent patience like a good professional.

 The punk softly rubbed their eyes. Only now, the ginger giant noticed how swollen and reddish they seemed again.

It reminded him of just they day before when they ate together.

He squinted ever so slightly, his eyes focusing on the little detail and eating it up with the information-hungry mind.

 His thoughts wanted answers and every bit of piety seemed to feel heavy on Patton’s large form when.

These large bags of darkness under their eyes seemed to hide more than several hours of missing sleep a night. It was nothing new to Patton to consider but it was then, that he realised how tangible the issue was yet how far away at the same time.

 “Uh-ehem”

 Virgil cleared heir throat and straightened their posture.

 “We are pretty much just barricading my therapist, you know”, they remarked with a slightest hint of a backbone in their words once more..

The silver tongue was back and it was sharp and sturdy as always. The sound immediately prompted Emile to react and lead them over to a corner. A heavy weapon in any battle of wits was back in place and ready to strike. Slowly, it sneaked back into the conversation and even the little smirk was blowing itself onto Virgil’s lips.

Lopsided, subtle and feisty.

 It really was inappropriate to just stand in the middle of the way. What were the three thinking?

 “Uhh.. Anyway, I think I will.. uh.. hitch a hike with you, Em - if that is okay”, they started and shrugged the slight slouch off their shoulders with a deep breath.

At once, the hesitation and doubt seemed banished from the conversation. Virgil looked tall and proud as never before.

 Honestly, the ginger student felt surprised by the sudden change.

He would never cease to be surprised by them.

 “Aw, sure thing, Virgil! You know, you always have a place by my side if you let me drive...”

 Virgil’s eyes widened and Patton felt something tickle him like when your nose tickled before a sneeze. He sensed something.. something good being about to happen.

 “..my van into your heart”, Emile finished.

 The emo groaned loudly, immediately followed by a loud chuckle from them. Their shoulders slouched a bit and they curled into themself a bit.

 “How about you drive yourself back into your work and I am gonna go and get some coffee for bribe”, they offered, “Patton, you coming?”

 The two got together and walked to the closest café in comfortable silence. Every now and then Virgil glanced at their phone, fidgeting around and looking more and more before putting it away for a while to repeat the cycle.

 Cars rolled down the cold streets and every breath evaporated into small clouds of fog. A few stray pigeons flew away when the dyad closed in on them in their curious search for anything edible.

The sun was already setting and bathing the city in a few rays of warm light. Orange and pink painted the scene but only in the rare areas the bigger buildings could not reach to block the light from.

 Virgil’s heavy boots hit the ground with every step while Patton’s own mode of walking mimicked graceful dancing. He was nearly hopping and floating over the dark concrete in the light of dawn. It was a show of beauty to see him.

 The two got a cup holder equipped with several cups of coffees and other hot drinks. They walked back but this time, the silence was swallowed by Virgil’s itching concerns. Their fidgeting got more intense and their fingers started picking at one another so much, the punk felt the plead to ask Patton for assistance on their tongue.

It was difficult, near impossible to erratically scratch and pick at something occupied by the deed to hold the cup holder with multiple scalding drinks.

They gave up on the nervous endeavour of deliberate self-harm when they realised the urge to just do it so intensely they would require support of some sort, they became aware of what exactly they were doing.

 This had to end.

 Despite their fingers tingling to scrape and pick and rip more, they refused to give in. They stopped before the building they had just come out of, Virgil cutting before their friend.

A jumbled bunch of letters flew from their lips in an oddly shushed mumble.

 “P-Patt’n?”

 They shuffled their feet a bit, looking down at them. If Patton had to draw Virgil, he would draw them in this position: shoulders slouching, gaze averted and skin vibrating in some vigilance of a distance threat.

It justified the name and behaviour Virgil usually displayed.

As they stood there, shifted from one leg to the other, boots squeaking as they were moved and squished together every now and then, Patton got the familiar urge to hug them while Virgil felt the intense wanton to throw themself into his arms. After all, the ginger giant was still a walking “hug me” sign, a fluffy one on top of that.

 “Yes, Virgil?”

 Patton’s voice was as light as a snowflake as he spoke with the world’s depot of patience in his little response.

It was a verbal touch to Virgil’s curiously fingers. They had taken to tightly grip onto the grey cup holder with one hand on left and right each. Busy thumbs brushed over the rough material and rubbed against it as if to dig for a treasure that did not exist.

 “I.. d-do.. do you think, um..”, they started but broke off, lost eyes roaming over the dark concrete. The darkness started creeping into the day and establish the night’s dominance for a few more hours than usual.

“Do you think.. L-Logan is.. is mad at me?”

 Glass green eyes grew wide as a pool of darkness shrunk in horror.

 “Oh, honey - Virgil! Logan would never!”

 He kept himself from saying more, swallowed the indignation. It was time to be composed and be a good friend and not get upset over something irrational. This was Virgil’s anxiety speaking, not their trust or rational mind, it was pure hurt and bad past experience poisoning a good relationship.

 “Listen, Logan and I are best friends and he has not once in his life complained about you, not to me, and he tells me everything. He trusts you and you are good for him. He is changing for the better and becoming more open and warm with you around, Virgil, I am not just saying this to make you happy. It really is happening. If he was upset, I am sure he would have asked me for advice or told me something and he did none of that. He asked me how to help you become more comfortable with us without pushing you - really.”

 Patton shifted and started to dig into his pocket to pull out a phone and present the referred to chat logs.

Warm brown eyes tentatively glanced over the messages for signal words, for red flags or similar things to warrant as an evidence for their anxiety to prove its point but there was none.

Black on weird whatever colour they were too blown-away to name at this moment showed how wrong their thinking had been once again. Just a stupid anxiety thing again, not even remotely warranted at all.

 “Th...thanks”

 They pursed their lips up as if to continue but hesitated enough to just go with the flow of not speaking any further, leaving the word awkwardly hang between Patton and him. Bottle green eyes blinked at them, smiling like an encouraging elementary teacher trying to cheer up a child whose drawing had been referred to as “dumb” by some uncultured swines - uh... other children with a bit more hostility.

 “I, um..”, they picked up again, eyes casting downwards bnefore blinking and glancing up at him again, “I needed that. Thanks. It is just, um.. stupid anxiety brain and all.. it just makes me dumb again, or like.. I mean, I uh.. I am not dumb or anything but I just believe the dumb anxiety and that sucks but, like, whatever, right? Can’t deny he is, um, like.. I don’t know, .. not hating me or whatever.”

They clawed at the cup holder.

“Patton, j-”

 A sudden g-note hit the air, punching a conditioned smile of fight and solidarity into Virgil’s face.

 “PA-PattoN, it is-is him! Ah - um”

 Confused jumbles of words pushed through their lips.

No sense was made in the process of this reaction.

The ginger did not understand but he readily perked up in interested, nodding.

 “It is okay, it is okay. You are safe and he is probably just curious whether you are okay. Breathe in, take a really deep breath - “

 Virgil nodded obediently. Their fingers clung to the rough cup holder. The emo’s chest rose a substantial amount before standing still while Patton counted and nodded with nice smiles. They slowly exhaled after a “seven!” and clear nod.

 “Give me the cups and take the call, kiddo. I will go and tell Emile you will be ready after the phone call.”

Hasty eyes met him which he returned with a patient nod not even the ideal monk could have provided. Virgil slowly let go of the rough texture, Patton’s gentle tugs reminding them of letting go. Fingers gradually untangled from the cloud-grey piece of recycled trash and forced a tentative nodding movement onto their head.

 They could do that. They could do that.

“Welcome to the Black Parade” was still playing and the song was nearly over. They had to take it!

This novel thought struck his mind like actual thunder. At once, fingers dug into their pockets and picked up even before their ear was close enough.

 Virgil did not know how Patton knew the song was the personalised ringtone for Logan but they appreciated how exceptionally witty the harmless pastel hulk was. A flick of their wrist goodbye’d Patton while their other hand reached their thirsty ear.

 “Hh-heyh!”

 Awfuckfuck, no he fucked up - no, they did! Now they fucked up hard enough to even fuck up their own pronouns. What a trash-

 “Greetings, Virgil. I hope you are well.”

 Ah. Smooth. Calm.

Logan was the epitome of steadiness.

The composed expression and usual greeting gave Virgil a sense of control. They knew what was about to come: small-talk because Logan thought it helped in social relationships, then some talk about work to elaborate on the things they had in common and eventually a random fact he learned that day or something equally surprising and possibly useless. At least it was something that least them unknown as to what to do with the information but it was not bad at all.

To be honest, they looked forward to it. So much even, their anxiety could not influence the smile of relief taking over their rosy lips.

 “Totally. What about you? Work sucked ass today?”

 “Virgil, work cannot actively do anything, especially not engage in any deed as interactive as acts of adult intimacy -”

 “Wow there, pocket protector. Too early a day to give me so many fancy things to listen to. Anyway, how are you doing?”

 Their lips were curled up completely by now. It was a full smile, if not already a grin preparing for the obligatory hilarious thing about to happen. Like it was some kind of scripted exchange between them.

With Logan being included, maybe it was.

 “I am doing just fine, only wondering about your well-being. Did you get a sufficient quantity and quality of sleep last night?”

 Oh. Right to the point. But speaking of it...

 “I, uh.. I am sorry. I - I was being a butt, um..”

 Virgil touched their clothed elbow of the arm holding the phone. Their fingers scraped and tugged at the fabric. Brushing, pulling, picking. The soothing feeling of a warm jacket covering them and protecting him was barely enough.

 4 - 7 - 8, they reminded themself.

A nod.

Yes, do the breathing thing and focus on Logan.

 “I am surprised to hear you apologise, Virgil. To be frank, I neither expected nor wanted an apology for overstepping any boundaries. If you are uncomfortable with me asking too many questions, you are more than welcome to “tell me off”.”

 A short break.

Insecure breaths in.

Four seconds.

 “Is this the right use of this term? I suppose, so. You are also welcome to correct me, if need be. You should know this but I am willing to remind you of my consistency. However, back to the topic.”

 Shaky holding back of nervous oxygen. Seven seconds.

 “I am not upset with you at all. Rather, I would say I am... concerned. When I started talking about this subject, my primary objective was to work out your issues in order to help you feel more comfortable. I got the .. the feeling you might need more, um, emotional support, if I may say so.”

 Painfully slow release of revolting oxygen for eight seconds.

 The voice on the other side became more uncoordinated, shooting past any aim. Logan cleared his throat to fill the silence as Virgil silently breathed themself into a greater sense of stability and safety.

 “Apologies. I started rambling again and even brought up these uncomfortable topics. All I wanted to convey is that I have a, so to speak, liiiht proposal to make to you. That being said, I might add this proposal does not include any rings or marriage-related preparation rituals. I am just saying this for clarification, not because I suspect you might assume this. I - ... Virgil, are you still there? Am I “talking your ears off”, as Roman says?”

 The small punk heard an odd sound from Logan’s side of the line. They blinked at it, a few wrinkles falling into his skin as he frowned in confusion.

 “Uh, hey, chill, dude”, their dark voice replied, “I, er, I am fine and all and you don’t have to do anything for me, anyway. It is cool, cool. Really cool. I, um, told you I won’t be home tonight? I have this thing going on, was planned before and all.”

 Virgil shrugged into the air for nobody else but uninvolved strangers to see.

 “But, um, don’t worry. I am, like, not mad or anything. I am.. glad? Like, I know I was being a bitch but that does not matter. I.. we are both sorry and that is really cool and.. just, ..just re-really thanks for being so nice about that and respect me and this. I just don’t wanna fuck up things and I know I am being sensitive and all. Uh, yeah..”

 They scratched the back of their head.

 “Any-”

Virgil started at the same time as Logan’s voice pronouncing “So, -” was transmitted to his side of the call.

The punk chuckled silently. A mere moment later, a sigh of relief could be heard. Virgil could have sworn even his hear was sighing with Logan.

 “You go first, Log.”

 If anyone had been around to see Logan at the bus stop, they would have witnessed a certain sparkling sensation behind his serious glasses as he made out the nickname Virgil added.

 “Thank you, Virgil, I appreciate that - appreciate you.”

 The words felt so much heavier than they should have been. They were voluminous gem stones on their chest. Prominent and eye-catching whilst sparkling and somewhat enticing with richness and depth of colour.

On the inside, Virgil knew they would wear Logan’s feelings on their chest, face or simply in their heart if the other would just ask them to.

 “Do you want to watch the stars with me? Tonight, I mean - say two hours, perhaps. It would just be you and me. I will take the car and get you if need be. Our university’s Astrology Club has a big telescope and great WiFi. I thought you might be interested but if you are pre-occupied, I understand.”

 Virgil absorbed the information, inhaling the connection and heartfelt consideration Logan has put into the consideration.

 “I-.. Logan, do- do you mean this as, uh.. as a date? Cuz, like, I don’t know if you do but it is cool if you do and I am not pissed or something, just want to know.”

 Another odd sound could be heard from the other side but Virgil was too caught up in anticipation to question the nature of the sound or the vibration in Logan’s breath suddenly hitting the microphone.

 “If this does not disrupt whatever your nature of relationship you enjoy with Declyn, then I would love to call it a date. With your consent only, of course.”

 Virgil’s heart did a leap. They drew in a hasty potion of oxygen as if to drink it up like the tasty juice of love.

 “I would love to. Text me the details, I will see about the car thing.”

 They hung up and ran up to Emile, taking two steps at a time. Now they had a certain skip to their steps but they also had a certain beat in their heart when they hitched a hike to their sibling in enthusiastic anticipation.

 Maybe this day could be great after all.

[rogersradio]

1970 | queen (part 1)

Summary: After working at a record store and discovering a record player that can transport you back in time, you find yourself in London of 1970. After scrambling to get back, you realize that something has gone terribly wrong with an infamous band, and you are the only one who can fix it.

Author’s Note: The beginning is very rushed (this whole chapter) only because I have big plans for the next couple of chapters. Please give feedback if you want this series to continue - it’s my first Queen work.

“They always say that time changes things, but actually you have to change them yourself.” - Andy Warhol (1975)

You worked at a record store in an old London strip, sandwiched between an ice cream shop and a children’s boutique. The building had been there for more then fifty years, according to the owner, and anyone who got close enough to look at it could tell. The concrete outside was stained with age, and the paint on the inside was beginning to peel. The man who ran the store knew of these things since you and your co-worker had begun to more frequently make remarks about the damages, but he would only shake his head with a smile and remark, “It makes it more authentic - a little more magical, don’t you think?”

With its dingy carpet floors and flickering sign, you didn’t understand how he could find anything magical about that store. It smelled of old paper and coffee, occasionally hosting the scent of a Bath and Body Works candle if you remembered to bring it. The cases for the vinyls were ridden with dust, and there was always Queen playing from a record player in the back corner of the store. It always played the same album: A Night At The Opera. You didn’t mind, since you had been a fan of Queen since you were little. Growing up, your dad would play it almost 24/7, and you grew to love the band and their music. No one dare change the album, and it’s been rumored that the same record has been playing for years straight; which, you must point out, is highly illogical. No vinyl record could play for that long without becoming damaged and scratched, especially if nobody has tried to take care of it.

It was a rainy Saturday when the owner, Mr. Jay as you called him, decided to stop by. He leaned against the register counter and cleaned his glasses with the handkerchief he kept in his pocket. “How’s everything going?” He asked, smiling. He was a short man with a semi-full figure. He had thick salt and pepper hair that dragged down into stubble along his jaw. He wore jeans, a plain white t-shirt and an olive green bomber jacket that stored a variety of items in its pockets: altoids, kleenex, money, you name it.

“Slow,” You said honestly. You were making your rounds of all the records, checking to be sure they were all in the right place: sorted by date. Your co-worker, Gabriel, let out a breathy laugh and kept scrolling on his phone.

Mr. Jay looked over to him with a sad smile, and then focused back down to his glasses. You began to feel guilty; you knew how much this shop meant to him. Who were you to talk about this man’s possessions like you were? You were a college student in need of a summer job that paid well so you could get your car radio fixed. Before you could speak up to apologize, or atleast end on a happier note, he spoke up, “It always is.”

He lifted his glasses up to the dim light to check for smudges and squinted. Dull thunder rolled in the background as a gentle shower of rain began to fall, hitting the tin roof above and echoing throughout the store. He slipped the clear-rimmed spectacles back on and sighed, strolling towards the isles of records. He dragged his finger tips along the top of them, stopping under the “1960’s” section. He pulled out a Beatles’ album and examined it. “Did you know there’s a conspiracy that Paul McCartney is dead?” He asked. You shook your head and he laughed, “It’s silly, it really is. Many believe that this,” He turned the revord to show the popular Sgt. Pepper’s Lonley Hearts Club Band album cover. “Depicts his funeral. There’s a left handed guitar made of flowers down in the corner, but It really could be a right handed one flipped the other way.” He continued to mumble on about the theory for a few more moments until he stopped and looked up at the two of you, who were both staring at him awkwardly. He slipped the album back into its slot and took a deep breath, “Well I guess it’s my time to leave.”

He took several large strides and picked up his hat and phone off of the counter. “Have a good one,” He called out as he slipped out the door. You both stood silent as you watched him pull out of his parking space and drive out of eyesight. It was always a weird, somewhat sympathetic, feeling after he left. Neither of you didn’t really know what to do. You stood and fiddled with the belt loop on your jeans.

“He’s an odd man,” Gabriel spoke quietly. You nodded. “Gives me weird vibes; like he’s seen way too many things. Did you see the way he spoke about that conspiracy? It was like he was genuinely amused, like he was the one who created it or something.”

“He’s just different,” You said, “I don’t think he means any harm.”

Gabriel shook his head with wide eyes. “I don’t know Y/N. Something isn’t right about that guy. He came in here to do what? Be a spokesman for the “Paul McCarney Is Dead” club?” He shuddered.

You didn’t say anything. Brushing off any questions you had about Mr. Jay, you continued to do your album sweep. By the time you had reached the 1970’s, the song playing from the record player began to skip. You waited a moment for the skip to pass, but it just kept going. Already agitated from the creeping day, you stormed over to the old machine and stared at it for a moment. The spinning Queen logo made you dizzy. The player was covered in dust, and it was clear to you that nobody had touched it for a long while. You blew on it first, and then reached for the tonearm to fix it.

As soon as your fingertips touched the arm, you felt yourself being thrown from the record player. It was as if you were in a plane during takeoff: insane amounts of pressure were building on you, squeezing your body and twisting it in jerking motions. Your head felt as though it would crack and explode in any moment, and you squeezed your eyes tighter than they ever had been before to avoid seeing your insides being blown out. Before you could fully slip out of consciousness, you felt your feet firmly on the ground again. You stood still as your hearing began to come back, keeping your eyes still closed tightly shut. It wasn’t before you heard the commotion of voices that you decided to open them.

You were standing in the same place you had been: next to the record player that was sitting on the wooden stool. Except for this time, the player was brand new, and the music that was playing wasn’t queen; it was “Hey Jude” by The Beatles. You took a few moments to stand there, trying to calm the pounding headache in your head and figure out what in the world had just happened. Maybe I blacked out, you thought, or maybe I’m dead. Is this Heaven? Kind of dissapointing. You shook the thoughts out of your head and tried to stable your shaking body. It took a few moments for you to realize that you weren’t alone, so you slowly turned around and caught your breath. There was atleast thirty people in the record shop, browsing through the albums and talking amongst themselves. You couldn’t hear much since you were standing right next to the speaker, but something wasn’t right. The shop was lively and colorful, and Gabriel was nowhere to be found. Okay, this has to be Heaven, you convinced yourself, Where else would there be this many people in here? This has to be a dream.

A voice pulled you back into reality. “Is there anything I can help you with?”

You jumped and turned to your left to see a girl who looked about your age. Her hair was short and feathered, and she wore a long patterned skirt with a purple blouse. Her teeth were shining white and perfectly straight, and you could tell she wore a thin layer of lip gloss. She resembled Princess Diana when she was alive. “No,” You croaked, “Just looking around.”

“No problem, just let me know if you need anything. My name’s Michelle,” She said as she smiled. She turned to walk away.

“Thanks,” You hesitantly said. Nobody seemed to care that you were there; like you had been there all along. Realizing that you couldn’t stand there and people watch for forever, you took a deep breath and went to walk outside. You needed to figure out what was going on, and where exactly you were.

You wobbled at the first step, and it was more than just uneasy legs. Looking down, you realized you weren’t in your jeans and sweatshirt anymore. You were wearing tight, bell bottomed baby blue pants and a blue ruffled blouse. You wore white boots with a slight heel and quickly realizing something was seriously different, you frantically grabbed for your hair and realized it was long and straight, down below your shoulders. It wasn’t like that before. You were beggining to panic, and rushed out the door as fast as you could. You brushed past employees and young children cradling vinyl records, offering quiet apologizes as you did.

Once you busted through the doors and onto the street, you were taken aback. The streets were full of life. People passed you and offered friendly smiles. The smell of cigarette smoke and burnt rubber filled the air, along with hairspray whenever a girl walked by. Men’s hair was slicked back with gel to resemble Elvis and the women on their arms wore patterned dresses and jumpsuits with their hair up in high ponytails or curled. This definitely wasn’t 2019.

Looking around, you spotted a boy who looked around your age standing by a wooden post. He was fumbling tape on one hand and a small poster in the other, and eventually turned his back to you to apply the poster to the pole. You scurried over to him, still getting used to your shoes, and called out, “Hey!”

He quickly flashed his head around to you and paused what he was doing. He has slightly shaggy blond hair with big blue eyes. Slight bangs were hanging in front of his eyes, but as you got closer he brushed them out of the way. He wore tight pants and Lou Brock Converse, with a long, tan trench coat that was partly buttoned up. “Yes?” He said, lowering his arms.

You eyed the poster in his hands. “Could I have that?” You asked slightly out of breath.

He widened his eyes a little at your question, but gave you a quick look up and down and cautiously handed it to you. “Sure,” He said, biting his lip. “Are you interested in coming?” He asked eagerly.

“Um,” You faltered. Coming to what? You didn’t even know what decade you were in. Quickly scanning the paper, the headline “SMILE - MUSICAL PERFORMANCE” caught your eye. “Yes, actually. I’m new around here, and I was, uh, looking for something to do.”

The blond boy smiled. “Well, I hope we see you there,” He exclaimed. Giving you a smile, he turned and began to walk away. “I play drums, by the way!” He called.

You looked up and laughed a little. He blushed and swiveled around once more, this time not turning back. You immediately looked back down at the paper and searched it for any type of date. The only thing you got was June 2, not any year. Sighing, you slowly began to turn the other way to start heading back. You didn’t look up from the flier in your hand, your mind and heart still rushing from adrenaline, and before you knew it you had run right into somebody. You bounced off of each other quite aggressively, and instant apologies started spewing from both of your mouths. The boy you had ran into reached out for your arm to balance you. “I’m so sorry,” He said.

“No, no, don’t apologize! I wasn’t paying any attention to where I was going,” You admitted, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. You both chuckled a little bit and looked down at your shoes. He picked at the ends of his long black hair and gave one last apology before walking away. You took a few steps but turned to watch him. He walked up to the wooden telephone pole and scanned the posters taped to it. He definitely was looking for something.

What was happening to you didn’t feel real; everyone you walked past or bumped into you felt like an illusion, even though you could touch them. It was like you were stepping into a movie. How did you get here? Where even were you? It’s like you were in a different dimension - a different chapter with the same setting.

You blinked a few times to get out of your trance and began looking for a new source to get the date. You would look insane if you asked somebody for the year, and Converse boy’s poster didn’t help very much. Slowly spinning around, a newspaper stand a few yards away seemed to glisten. You quickly made your way over, folding up the band flier in quarters as you did. Grabbing The Times off the stack, you read the headline: “D-Day for Europe as Dutch Vote”. You quickly scanned the small writing for any sort of date and by the grace of the Heavens, the year was finally printed before your eyes.

June 2, 1970.