#so a written timeline of what happens in each chapter and how much time has passed like what i did for thaw would be so handy sometimes </3

[rowanisawriter]

10 years, 10 stories

2024 is my 10th year on ao3. i’ve been writing for a lot longer than that and have had some years where i didn’t write anything at all. in a way ao3 is like a timeline for me or a diary, i can track my adult life with it. i wanted to pull like 10 stories that i’ve written over the course of these past 10 years that i think kinda define me

1. fantasy and fallacy (young justice/dc)

this isn’t my most popular young justice fic but it is my favorite. i wrote it a long long time ago and copied it into ao3 when i first got my account. looking back on it now it’s when i started developing what i think is now my true writing voice, focus on emotions and atmosphere rather than dialogue or plot strictly speaking

2. runner (assassin’s creed)

this is the first thing i wrote that felt experimental, free form before i understood what that really meant. i write like this all the time now and love it, but it felt really novel to me at the time

3. lucky one (avatar/legend of korra)

i’m still proud of this fic, i always remember the feeling i had writing it, how i was exploring something really emotional and strange. it’s about the relationship between siblings, jealousy, maybe even hatred. i have a complicated relationship with my own siblings and this story helped me untangle some of the feelings back when i was in the middle of it

4. heretic (bg3)

this story connects a lot of my favorite things about my writing—religious themes, selfish and power hungry characters, flowing and rhythmic prose, it feels like one of The stories for me tbh

5. self aware (mass effect)

i think this is my most important story because i wrote it after a 6 year writing break, when i had completely given up on ever writing anything again. i had just had my baby, i was fighting for my life with post partum depression, covid etc, it felt like the world was ending. so i wrote this and in some ways it fixed me, it fixed everything

6. butterflies (dragon age)

i’ve written so many dragon age fics but this one is important because it was my first multichap ever! i realize now i like these short multichaps where each chapter has its own theme (usually the chapter title) and now i do this all the time but butterflies was the first

7. real world (stardew valley)

not sure where this one came from lol i have a lot of feelings about being a parent, about the life i chose when i became a parent, how tiring it is, how unprepared i was even though i wanted it, all of that is distilled into this fic that i very much wrote for myself

8. starry-eyed (bg3)

i like to read poetry but haven’t written any before, so i try to infuse my writing with the rhythmic style i like to see in poetry. starry-eyed feels like it hit that rhythm i look for while still holding onto some semblance of plot lol i’m very proud of it

9. the fall (hades)

weird writing, allegory, symbolism, mythology, these are my favorite things to read and it just so happens the bible is full of that lol so i rewrote lucifer’s fall as a short thanzag fic and rereading it now feels so natural, i feel like i was born to write like this

10. glass slipper (classics)

i usually prewrite an entire story before posting it. for this one, i had about half down and a vague outline for the rest and it was an experiment kind of, to post and just go with the flow, and it worked, i didn’t abandon it, i felt connected to it the whole time while people read and liked it, and now i feel like i trust myself more as a writer tbh

[ifievertoldyou]

man, i wish that i had thought to take notes on the basic timeline when i read atol :/ i have done that with thaw, but not atol, which sucks because i think that would be incredibly useful sometimes (aka: right now, as i'm trying to write my thaw comment)...

[kamaluhkhan]

TIME TO PRETEND

pairing: luke castellan x gn!poseidon!reader word count: 5k chapter summary: you're the eldest child of poseidon and the hero of the last great prophecy. you left your demigod life behind after defeating kronos. now, years later, you find yourself back at camp half blood for the summer.....which means dealing with luke castellan, and all that history (tension?) left unresolved between you. warnings: some nicknames for reader are based on female characters (mermista, sailor neptune) but they're still written as gender neutral. reader has tattoos. mention of alcohol + death (post-titan war). spoilers for the entire pjo (book) series, mostly references to the last olympian. timeline is all over the place but set in the early 2000s for vibes. no betrayal (au where chris was the one who sided w kronos and led the titan army) so slightly ooc luke <3 author's note: welcome to another product of my pjo hyperfixation !!! i wanted to finish the nemesis!reader series first but it's summer and i felt like reworking my tsitp series in a camp half-blood setting with bb luke. so prepare for childhood friends to lovers drama! summertime vibes! nostalgia! angst! would love to know what y'all think about this and if you want a part 2 so feel free to scream at me in the comments. otherwise, enjoy and thanks 4 reading 💙

♪: time to pretend by mgmt

YOU’VE GOT MAIL!

1 new message 

from: LukeNotSkywalker

to: Mermista86

subject: you are GETTING that record deal

Hey,

Your demo CD just came in the mail — and, Connor as my witness, I’ve already listened to it five times!!! 

It’s amazing. You’re amazing. The label would totally lose out if they didn’t sign you. 

Things have been pretty chaotic around here, with the summer term happening soon. Speaking of which: are you coming back? Chiron gave me the list of returning campers and counsellors this morning and said he hadn’t heard from you, so I thought I’d ask. I know you’ll be busy with the band, but if you get the chance, it’d be really great to see you.

Anyways, I’m leading the next Shield & Sword session, so I’d better go. Talk soon ;)

- L

FOUR YEARS LATER

TURBULENT WATERS? ALT-ROCK BAND MIDNIGHT SIRENS HIT ROUGH PATCH AFTER LEAD GUITARIST GETS INTO VIOLENT ALTERCATION 

the cover is the nail in the coffin: a blurry picture of you, an electric blue guitar forgotten at your feet, lunging forward into a crowd, with your bandmates on stage behind you in shock. 

you’d gone all this time without any major incidents, and one stupid chimera managed to burn down everything you worked for in one fell swoop.

“that’d be $8.50,” the cashier informs. 

you tear your attention away from the magazine, instead fishing through your pocket for some change. meanwhile, the cashier furrows their brow, leans down slightly to get a better look at you underneath your sunglasses and baseball cap. 

“hey, do i know you?”

“nope,” you say instantly, slapping a $10 bill onto the counter. “keep the change.” you gather your pile of necessary roadtrip supplies (slushies, m&m’s, and goldfish) before rushing out the door, your half-brother trailing behind you.

you slide into the driver’s seat, set each slushie in a cup holder, and hand the rest to percy once he’s slipped into the passenger side. 

“seatbelt,” you remind him. you shake your hair out after removing your baseball cap disguise. “i promised your mom i’d be responsible.” 

percy does as he’s told, though not without mumbling about how he’s practically an adult and a demigod who’s been in much more dangerous situations than a car ride up to long island. you just tell him to put on some music, even though he has a point. he’ll be 18 in august and you’re only five years older, but the fact is that you gave sally jackson your word. 

plus — you’re his older sibling, so gods forbid you let him get hurt. a seatbelt seems like a band-aid solution for one of the most powerful demigods out there, but still.

percy flips through a few radio stations while he sips his blue raspberry slushie. when he doesn’t find anything good, he opens the glove compartment and surveys your music collection before sliding a cd into the stereo. 

instantly, the familiar sound of david bowie’s voice eases the tension in your shoulders.

“good choice?” 

you nod and percy smiles triumphantly. you reach over to steal a few goldfish from the bag he just opened and ruffle his hair playfully, for good measure. 

you’re perfectly happy, driving along a long island highway while getting lost in the glam rock world of ziggy stardust, but it isn’t long until percy interrupts: 

“are you finally gonna tell me what happened, or do i have to read it from some trashy gossip magazine like everyone else?”

“well, your dyslexic ass can barely read so….”

you look over at him briefly, and laugh when you see him stick his slightly-blue tongue out to you. 

“at least my dyslexic ass is actually decent at ancient greek. luke told me you failed the reading test, like, a million times.”

your heart twinges at the mention of your old friend. 

friend.

if you could still call him that. 

thankfully, percy doesn’t give you much room to dwell on the past, too focused on your drama-filled present.

“so, what is it? you got kicked out of the band? lost everything? have nowhere else to go?”

you roll your eyes at his dramatics. “i did not get kicked out.” 

“then, what happened?”

“just the usual.” you shrug. “monster attack, mortals who can’t see through the mist. i tried to explain it away after — something about how i saw someone in the crowd attack another person and i stepped in to help. most people bought it, but the media loves drama and the label’s worried i’m a flight risk now. apparently, everything will blow over if i just keep a low profile for the next few months. so….no. i didn’t lose everything.” you take a deep, like when anyone other than children of poseidon are about to go underwater and they’re not quite sure when they can come up for air. 

“i just don’t really have anywhere else to go,” you finish.

“damn.” percy offers you a blue shark gummy (or whale - you and percy had already debated the shape of the candy that sally packed for the trip, and the jury’s still out). you gratefully accept. “well, i know it’s not the best reason, but i’m excited to spend the summer together.”

despite everything, you find yourself smiling. 

“me too, kid.” 

“it’d give me a chance to kick your ass in sword-fighting.”

“you wish!” you nudge his shoulder, both of you giggling. once the laughter’s died down, you glance at percy once more. “hey – did you tell anyone i was coming?”

percy shakes his head. “why?”

you take a long swig of your drink until you’re on the brink of brain freeze. 

“no reason.”

it’s just after lunch when you arrive at camp half-blood. 

you weren’t sure what you were expecting — maybe not some futuristic technological developments that had been discovered within the years you were gone, but definitely not for camp to look pretty much exactly the same as when you left. 

instantly, you find comfort in the familiar scenes: a dragon, peleus, guarding the magical borders; dryads and satyrs picking strawberries in the fields next to the forest; chiron standing near the central guidepost, greeting and guiding every camper in the right direction.

chiron smiles down at percy and practically does a double take when his eyes land on you.

“mx. l/n! it has been a while. are you here to drop off your brother, or do you plan on staying for the summer?”

before you can answer, someone appears behind him. 

“perce! hey!” 

“hey, luke.”

luke gives him a side hug, and percy shoves him away with a laugh when he ruffles his hair. it’s then that luke acknowledges you, though he looks like that’s the last thing he wants to do.

“i thought i’d never see you again. what are you doing here? ”

chiron turns to you expectedly. “i believe you have yet to answer that question of mine as well.”

“staying for the summer…” you adjust the shoulder strap of your backpack, uneased by luke’s cold demeanor. “i hope that’s okay.”

“of course!” chiron’s smile grows wide, eyes crinkling. “you’ll resume your position as head counsellor of cabin 3.”

“so i’m dethroned? just like that?” percy guffaws.

you nudge percy’s shoulder. “fulfill the next great prophecy, and then we’ll talk.” 

percy rolls his eyes playfully. luke, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to appreciate your tongue-in-cheek remark. his jaw tightens, and he suddenly finds a deep interest in the clipboard he’s holding.

chiron clears his throat, likely sensing the tension. “yes, well, i’m sure you remember how things work around here. if not, mr. castellan has been keeping this ship afloat. he's always here to help.”

“always.” luke smiles, but it’s elastic, threatening to snap at any moment. someone calls his name, and he walks away to deal with whatever chaos is waiting for him.

summer — age 15

you weren’t exactly conscious when you first arrived at camp half-blood. 

apparently, coach hedge, a satyr and protector, found you just in time and had to practically drag you up half-blood hill after a particularly gruesome fury attack. 

when you woke up and saw luke sleeping next to you in a chair, his curls overgrown and falling onto his eyes, you thought you had died and gone to elysium. 

you took in your unfamiliar surroundings. some sort of infirmary, with only your best friend next to you, the one you hadn’t seen in almost a year since you’d parted ways. 

then, you remembered what was happening before you passed out; it was more likely that you were being tricked into a false sense of security by that fury, who definitely planned on devouring you later.

with a newfound sense of urgency, you decided it was time to get out of there before it was too late. you were reaching for your knife when you felt a hand grab your shoulder. without losing a second, you twisted your body around, weapon at the ready.

whoever it was watching over you sure looked like luke. he was wearing a bright orange shirt and leather cord necklace with one clay bead. another point of difference was the jagged scar that cut across his left cheek.

“it’s just me,” he said, gently. “you’re fine here. you’re safe.”

you weren’t convinced, kept your knife in front of you to keep distance. “prove it.” you narrowed your eyes. “tell me something only luke would know.”

“you’re left-handed.”

“that’s a great observation,” you scoff.

“storm is your favourite x-men character.”

“that’s a very popular opinion.”

“your aunt would make us mango lassi after swim camp when she got home from work,” luke tries for the third time. “and, my mom - she used to call you ‘starfish.’”

your heart skipped a beat.

that was the confirmation you needed. 

the knife dropped from your hand, clattered on the wooden floor, as you pulled luke in for a hug. you were greeted by a familiar scent, that pear shampoo luke loved because it made his hair so soft, mixed with the smell of fresh pine trees. 

“it’s really you,” you mumbled into his shoulder.

despite sleeping for gods know how long, you were exhausted. you rested your weight into luke, but he didn’t seem to care.

“it’s really you. i thought i’d never see you again.”

“where are we?” you asked, breaking away to face luke. you ignored the wooziness you felt throughout your body; luke seemed to sense it, his grip around you tightening. “are annabeth and thalia here, too? how’d you get here?” your thumb traced the unfamiliar scar on his face. “what happened? are you okay —”

“i-i’ll answer all your questions, but you lost a lot of blood.” luke guided you to lay back down in bed. “we’ll explain everything. just get some rest.”

a third scenario entered your mind: this was all a dream. you’d close your eyes and when you opened them again, luke would be gone. you’d be alone again.

you couldn’t let go of luke’s hand, even as he tucked you back into bed. you tugged his wrist, silently urging him to join you.

“will you stay with me?” you finally croaked when he continued standing. 

luke looked at you, and you nodded once as final confirmation. then, he removed his shoes and slipped into the bed next to you. it was luke, all sweet pear and soft curls and strong heartbeat, and you held on to him in fear that he might slip away.

“always,” he whispered.

during the orientation video you were later shown, you learned that camp half-blood’s motto is keeping young heroes safe (mostly) for over three millennia!  

luke had used that word, too. safe.

chiron told you this was to be your new home as he walked you to the poseidon cabin. he told you that you were safe now, though you noticed how the word almost got caught in his throat. he gave you a sad smile you didn’t quite understand.

you did wonder, at first, if those words were true: this place, a home for you and other children of gods. somewhere safe.

and, well.

you came to understand chiron’s general melancholy a few weeks later, and every week after that. he was used to training and sending heroes off to their potential death, and you would be no different. stolen lightning bolts, deadly quests, cryptic prophecies. a pending war between divine forces you had been entangled with long before you knew. heartache and betrayal and loss beyond measure. 

but, there were other things, too. 

annabeth, fitting in perfectly at the athena cabin, continued being her genius self, leading her team to victory every capture the flag game. she was extra patient in helping you with ancient greek, especially after chiron had given up.

chris rodriguez, luke’s half-brother, would tell you jokes from across the dining pavilion, knowing that you hated sitting alone at the poseidon table. michael yew, son of apollo, taught you how to play guitar at the bonfire one week; you’d ask for more and more lessons until you could start playing on your own. charles beckendorf made you a celestial bronze sword that shone like that burst of light when the sun hits the ocean at sunset. it transformed into a ring that you would never take off, unless in battle. you might not have gotten along with mr. d, but you spent free time picking fresh strawberries with his son, castor. you made matching friendship bracelets with silena beauregard, who was really the only person you confided in, about how you maybe possibly felt something other than friendship when it came to luke. she told you about her crush on clarisse larue, the daughter of ares whom you would always partner with during sparring practice. you taught ethan nakamura, who didn’t have his own cabin as the child of nemesis, how to properly hold a sword. thalia’s tree stood tall at the top of the hill where you almost bled to death, protecting you and everyone inside the magical borders. you, annabeth, and luke would share a picnic there every thursday.

you had been on the run for so long, always looking over your shoulder for monsters, sleeping with one eye open to be one step ahead of death, jumping from one place to the next so quickly to avoid danger.

so, yes. 

it was nice to stay in one place, where you knew you were as safe as demigods could be. it was nice to spend your time learning and training and laughing instead of just surviving. 

it was nice to have a place to call home. and people to call it home with.

now 

the first week passes in the blink of an eye, and it’s like you never left.

tie-dye, volleyball, strawberry picking, kitchen duty, and cabin inspection. 

luke has everyone on a tight schedule — one, you notice, conveniently places the two of you at opposite ends of camp at all times.

still, you catch up with clarisse and the stoll brothers, spend time with annabeth and percy, say hi to pollux and katie gardner and others you vaguely recognize as five years older than what you remember. there are also a lot of faces you don’t recognize at all.

of course, you try not to think about the faces you wished you could see: friends you grew up with and would never have a laugh with again, younger campers you had trained who would never grow up. all lost because of the gods and the titans and a prophecy you never asked to be a part of. 

it’s a side effect of being back here; their ghosts are harder to ignore.

again — trying not to think about it.

anyways.

climbing wall, armory, sword-fighting practice, archery field, and free time on the beach.

to conclude: capture-the-flag, a friday night camp-half blood tradition.

you’re praising annabeth for her latest strategy that led to blue team victory when you notice luke. he was also on the blue team, but instead of celebrating with the rest of you, he’s speaking to someone who’s wearing a red helmet. they seem to be in a heated discussion, one that luke is not wanting to continue. his tells are the same, after all these years: the impatient tapping of his foot, his eyes searching for an out.

you give it to him.

“sorry, i need to borrow this guy.” you say, grabbing luke’s wrist. “camp emergency.” 

if the person said anything, you didn’t hear it, because you were already dragging luke away from the crowd, towards the armory shed. 

“what’s the emergency?” luke wonders, brows furrowed in concern. he has deep shadows under his eyes, too. keeping the ship that is camp half-blood afloat has clearly taken a toll on him. 

“you wanting to get out of that conversation. you’re welcome.” you wink at him; luke flushes, and you’re not sure if it’s because he’s annoyed, or if he's just flustered. “so, are you gonna keep ignoring me the whole summer?”

you put your helmet on one of the shelves and turn back to luke. you expected him to start removing his armor as well, but he doesn’t. he just glares at you, arms crossed over his chest.

so, he’s annoyed, then. 

“what do you expect?” luke hisses. “you can’t come back here and pretend that everything can be like it was when we were kids. things are different now, especially between us.”

you decide to take him up on his challenge. 

“oh? tell me, luke, what exactly is different between us?”

luke shakes his head in disbelief. you remove your chest plate, and that’s when the tattoo on your waist becomes visible. it’s a magnolia, like one of the flowers that bloomed on the tree outside may castellan’s house. 

something in luke softens, then. he sighs. 

“you could have at least given me a warning.”

he storms off, and you’re left half-armored, wondering what he meant by that.

you figure it out once a few of you settle down for a late-night, underground poker game, and you’re trying not to stare at luke’s hands.

it starts with you telling yourself that you’re just trying to predict what cards he’s holding, figure out if he’s bluffing, and if he’s about to lose everything he’d so confidently bet on. 

but then you notice the silver thumb ring that thalia got him for his 17th birthday. you notice an array of hair ties and elastic bands he keeps just in case a camper needs them, and woven bracelets given to him by his admirers. you notice how the tattoo on his wrist is covered. (it’s hidden well, but you know it’s there — you’d gotten one of a wing, the kind that might be found on a pair of magical red converse, at the same time)

you also notice the forest green painted on luke’s nails, the same shade worn by the person beside him.

van, the new head counsellor of the hephaestus cabin. you’d seen them at staff meetings, but you somehow did not notice that they were dating luke. 

he moved on — is that why luke needed a warning? is that what's changed between you?

it’s fine. whatever. so what if luke has a new partner? it’s not like the two of you were anything, officially. 

luke has a new partner. they’re wearing matching nail polish. they’re one of those couples.

well, van is also wearing a nickleback shirt and luke hates nickleback, unless that fundamental part of his personality changed, too. 

“yo, sailor neptune. you in or not?” travis brings you out of your daze, by using a nickname luke once called you.

back before becoming heroes, when you and luke were just kids, you’d watch cartoons in his living room on saturday mornings — x-men, she-ra: princess of power, teenage mutant ninja turtles, sailor moon. a lifetime ago.

you look around the table and see that everyone has been waiting for you to take your turn. even luke raises an eyebrow at you.

“yeah.” you clear your throat and throw some chips into the centre. “i’m in.”

you have decent enough cards to keep you in the game, and you’re comfortable that you can play the odds in your favor. the stoll brothers are good liars, you know that, and so is luke. malcolm pace is good at strategy, but thankfully not as good as his half-sister annabeth. pollux, who had invited you to the game, already folded along with butch, the son of iris who has a rainbow tattoo on his bicep to prove it. beside you, lou ellen, daughter of the hecate, contemplates her next move. clovis has fallen asleep, true to their title as head counsellor of the hypnos cabin. you can’t get a read on van, but they keep raising the stakes so confidently, and you’ve always liked a good challenge.

soon enough, it’s only you and van in the bet. when it comes time to reveal your cards, you curse yourself for overplaying your hand.

“good game,” van says to you as they collect their winnings. “you really had me going there.” 

“yeah.” your smile is strained, but it’s there nonetheless. “tried my best.”

“guess the curse of achilles doesn’t help as much in poker as it does in capture the flag.” 

“excuse me?” you raise an eyebrow.

luke, who had one arm casually draped around van’s chair the entire game, pulls away. “van, maybe don’t —”

“it’s not like it’s a secret, luke. they’re the prophecy kid, everyone knows they bathed in the river styx to be able to fight kronos. it’s camp legend.”

other than you, luke, and van, everyone else is occupied with something else. connor busies himself shuffling the cards, while lou ellen, malcolm, and pollux get up for more drinks. it seems like butch and travis have their own bet going to see who can balance the most chips on clovis’ forehead without waking him up. 

van waits for an answer. you’re a little queasy, and it’s not from the wine pollux managed to snag from his dad’s office. you’re suddenly faced with the reality that your life is reduced to a legend. you try your best to swallow that feeling, of being made into a greek tragic hero while your heart is still beating, and your life is still a mess.

“that’s relevant, why?”

“just that some people might consider the invulnerability thing an unfair advantage in physical competitions like capture the flag,” van explains. “increased strength and all that.” 

“that would mean nothing without a good strategy,” you counter.

“that’s what i said,” luke grumbles. 

you recognize van now as the person luke was arguing with earlier. it must have been about this. 

about you. 

“okay, y’all were best friends, so luke is obviously going to take your side.”

you’re not sure what stings more: friends or were. 

“although, he never really talks about you, which is weird because you’re, like, famous in and outside camp.”

ouch. that definitely stings the most. luke winces slightly, almost like he feels it, too.

“alright, alright,” connor interjects, shuffling the cards in his hands. “another round?” 

you’re the only one who decides to call it a night. everyone says goodbye; even van, who’s blissfully unaware of the effect their words had on you. luke avoids your gaze. the game continues without you.

percy’s snoring provides enough cover as you sneak into your shared cabin. you try to sleep, but it doesn’t come easy. 

you feel the spot underneath your rib, the one spot you’re truly vulnerable, ache.

summer — age 17

for the first time in your life, you couldn’t breathe underwater. you were swimming in acid, and your skin was melting away.

at least, that’s what it felt like to bathe in the river styx. achilles could have mentioned that, but all he gave was a cryptic warning about anchoring yourself to what makes you mortal.

you really tried at first. you thought about your friends at camp. you thought about percy, about your aunt back when she was still around. you even thought about may castellan, burnt cookies and saturday mornings.

the pain was too much, though. 

you were forgetting where you were, who you were. with every passing second, you were dissolving into nothing.

“if you wanted to go for a swim, you should have told me. i would have worn my swimsuit.”

luke’s voice echoed across the waves. you tilted your head up to see him sitting on the dock above you, his feet dangling into the water. he had rolled up his jeans to just above his ankles so they didn’t get wet, but his shoes were still on, which was a bit strange. the sun made his eyes look like burnt amber, his teeth sparkling as he smiled at you. 

okay. cool.

you were at camp. it was mid-afternoon, free period. the two of you had been at the edge of the lake, until you became impatient and jumped in, fully clothed. behind him, you could see that annabeth, thalia, and percy were waiting for you on the shore. they were each wearing orange camp shirts, which was also strange; you couldn’t remember a time when you were all there together, as campers.

“we better go, sailor,” luke said, amusement laced throughout his words. “come on. those cabins aren’t gonna inspect themselves.”

luke extended his hand to you. when you hesitated, he added:

“i can’t do this without you. will you stay with me?”

you reached up and grabbed luke’s hand.

always.

you emerged from the water, catching your breath as you collapsed on the sand. 

“oh gods. are you okay?”

your cousin, nico diangelo, son of hades, knelt down next to you. he tried to check your pulse, but you waved him away. your eyes searched for luke, but he wasn’t there, despite feeling the ghost of his hand in your own. 

oh.

you weren’t at camp; you were in the underworld. it was nico’s idea for you to take on the curse of achilles so that you’d be strong enough to face kronos. 

“did it work?”

you got up, a bit uneasy on your feet at first. nico helped steady you, his hands cold on your skin.

you felt….stronger wasn’t the right word. you felt adrenaline coursing through your veins, like you could swim across the biggest ocean without pausing once. like you could defeat an entire army and not break a sweat. maybe even take down a titan or two while you're at it.

you needed to see luke again, to meet him and the others in manhattan before it was too late.

“let’s hope so.”

now

you always loved mornings at camp half-blood. the beach was particularly beautiful at sunrise, the water peaceful.

the morning after that impromptu poker game, you need that peacefulness to wash over you. you’re awake after a rather sleepless night, deciding to go for a quick run before breakfast. you get dressed and grab your mp3 player, as quietly as you can to avoid waking up percy (who, truthfully, could probably sleep through a hurricane anyways). 

you jog from one end of the beach to the other. you set a steady rhythm, somewhere between the beat of your music and the sound of waves gently washing over the shore. when you make your way back down to where you started, you notice someone sitting nearby.

luke doesn’t say anything when you first sit next to him. he’s wearing a dark blue hoodie over his usual orange shirt, a cigarette tucked behind his ear. you imagine that he confiscated it from a camper on the way here. 

“morning,” he finally whispers, eyes fixed towards the ocean. 

you shiver, and not just from the cool morning air. you’re reminded of the last time luke spoke to you so softly, the last time you’d caught an early morning sunrise together. such a contrast to where you are now.

“morning,” you finally reply. 

as the sound of waves fills the silence between you, luke surprises you by taking a lighter out of his pocket. he lights the cigarette and takes a puff. then, he hands it to you. 

it’s such an odd, though not unwelcomed, gesture. a peace offering, you figure, but it’s just so not luke that you can’t help yourself.

“is golden boy luke castellan, offering me contraband? what planet am i on?”

the hint of a smile creeps onto his face. “like i said: things are different now,” he echoes his words from the night before, but this time you don’t sense any hostility.

you take a drag of the cigarette. your fingers brush against his when you return it to him.

you decide to offer a peace offering as well, and present to him one of your earbuds — he accepts. you have to slide across the sand to move closer to him, but he doesn’t seem to mind. 

i’m feelin’ rough, i’m feeling raw / i’m in the prime of my life….

as the song plays, you glance to see luke nodding along, tapping a finger on his knee to the beat. he lets the cigarette smoulder in his other hand.

we’re fated to pretend / to pretend / yeah, yeah, yeah….

when the song is over, luke turns to you. 

“new group?” he brings the cigarette to his lips, then gives it back to you.

“kinda.” you inhale, letting the smoke warm your lungs before explaining. “this is considered they’re breakthrough album. they’re from connecticut, actually.”

“oh, yeah? guess that’s where all the talent is from.”

luke bumps his shoulder against yours knowingly. you feel your cheeks heat up at his praise, his witty sincerity.

this is familiar — you and luke, at the beach, sharing music. it’s familiar, and for a few moments, you can act like there isn’t a wall between you, of unresolved feelings and harsh words. you can pretend that nothing has changed.

“you know, nickleback are from connecticut, too. which means you just called them talented.”

luke coughs on some smoke as he exhales with a laugh. “what? no i didn’t!”

“in a roundabout way. i always knew you were an undercover fan,” you tease.

“i have better taste than that.”

“do you?”

“you’re fucking with me,” luke deadpans.

you crack a smile. “yeah, i’m fucking with you.”

“gods, you scared me for a second,” he laughs, and you can’t help but follow. luke glances at you and the sunshine highlights his smile, his dark brown curls, the ever-changing color of his eyes. golden, radiant. 

you shiver again, looking away. before you know it, you feel something draped across your shoulders.

“i’m not sure van would like it if i was wearing your hoodie.” you joke, but your words are laced with a bitterness you hope luke doesn’t catch. unlucky for you, luke still knows you too well, whether he likes it or not.

“you don’t get to do that.”

“do what?”

luke scoffs. “be jealous.” 

“well, you don’t get to tell me how to feel.”

“so, you are jealous?”

you exhale sharply; you can practically feel the wall between you two reappear.

“it’s too early, lu. and i’m too hungover to deal with this.”

there’s nothing more left to say. you get up, throw his hoodie on the sand, and walk back towards your cabin, the beach and luke further away with every step you take.

it makes sense that way: you were always the one to leave first.

[canmom]

nooooo stop writing sexy letters i'm trying to beat you at chrononauts

as mentioned a little earlier, today I read This Is How You Lose The Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone...!

Before we dive into the spoilers, a brief word about what this book is...

TIHYLTW is a semi-epistolary novel about time travellers Red and Blue and, essentially, their enemies-to-lovers romance as they play spy games across the broad, branching timeline, acting respectively on behalf of the ultra-high-tech 'Agency' and the biopunk 'Garden'. Each chapter consists of a brief vignette depicting one or the other at their work, ending with the discovery of a letter (in some abstract, poetic form like a dead fish) from their counterpart, followed by the contents of that letter.

A lot of the structure of this book is explained by the knowledge that this was written as a kind of chain-writing project: El-Mohtar and Gladstone hashed out the broad premise but then alternated writing the chapters, with Gladstone taking on the role of Red and El-Mohtar as Blue. Each would respond to the other's letter and advance the story a little bit. In essence, then, this is also something like a play-by-post roleplaying game. I have played both chain-writing games and play-by-post roleplaying so this all ends up feeling quite familiar.

What's remarkable, given that approach, is that this book manages to maintain a generally consistent voice and clear narrative progression. But knowing how it's written still gives you some insight, because you can read it in the light of improv comedy. For example, when Red describes Blue's world, so far undefined, as 'viney-hivey elfworlds', this is what in improv terms we call an offer: you define something and hand it off to the other person to iterate or play on it somehow. In this case, El-Mohtar has Blue gently rebuff this as 'full of silly stereotypes' and ask for a more genuine reply about her own life (this is early in the romance, where they are expressing mutual curiosity which also serves as exposition); Gladstone can oblige and give us Red's backstory.

In some cases, the fingerprint of chainwriting is very obvious. One chapter has Blue sign off 'see you in London next' - Gladstone responds to this by setting the next chapter in an alternate-world city called 'London Next', 'the kind of London other Londons dream'. This wordplay, reinterpreting the last entry in an unexpected light, is such a blatant chainwriting move.

Two writers who vibe, with a back-and-forth, is probably about the ideal scale for this kind of game. At university I played chain-writing games in a large group, where each player got to contribute only one section to the story; this too often became a 'too many cooks' situation, whose pacing would suffer from the lack of larger structure. As a player in that kind of game, you'd have to balance leaving your own fingerprint by adding elements to the story, and advancing what had already been written (I very much tended to the former). Too often it would fall to the last person in the chain to try and hastily tie the story up in some sort of resolution.

Play-by-post roleplaying games don't have that 'one entry per player' limit, but the problems of time zones/availability and the general principle to not 'godmod' meant that often the game would either die pretty quickly or turn into a situation where each person was essentially writing their own story in isolation, with minimal interaction with others. Which can be fun: a collection of web serials on a theme is a perfectly valid writing project. But it's not really a collab in this way.

A project limited to just two writers, on the other hand, can build up a rhythm, and this is what happens here. A lot of the charm of this novel is the playfulness of the back and forth, not just in the letters themselves, but also in the settings introduced and gradual expansion and iteration of the concepts. This feels like it would be a tremendously fun game to play (ehem).

Now, let's apply the Spoiler Zip, and talk about some details.

So this is essentially a spy story; it is a story of the two characters, both prodigy agents, mutually defecting from the Time War to elope together. Though there's plenty of drama when they get found out, death fakeouts, a kind of classic gay personality synthesis...

Most of the chapters end with a 'Seeker' appearing to swallow up the remnants of the letter that has been read. With 'hunger' becoming a symbol of the relationship in the letters, and the time travel theme, I guessed that this character would somehow represent a synthesis of the two characters retracing their relationship. Well, almost!

Broadly, the dénouement is: Blue strikes a (rather vaguely defined) decisive move in the Time War, but Red's superiors figure out some of the situation and set her up to entrap Blue; Red appears to have killed her (with a letter naturally), but she goes rogue and attempts to assimilate enough of Blue's being (through the letters) to enter the Garden and innoculate her against the poison at birth, thus allowing Blue to turn out to be alive and save Red from space prison. So it's not quite another 2010s SFF story in which a lesbian carries the ghost of her dead girlfriend in her head but... it sorta is, innit.

As might be evident from that paragraph, the time travel model in this story is definitely of the 'timey-wimey' variety. It's not really about that; the logic is much more poetic than it is, well, logical. Characters move very freely 'upthread' (towards the distant past) and 'downthread' (towards the scifi future). Their adventures tend to take them to fairly recognisable bits of history, with a reasonable sprinkling of mythology.

What they're actually doing in these places is broadly speaking similar to the card game Chrononauts if you've ever played that, attempting to shape the futures by changing the past, but generally speaking in subtle ways - we're given various examples of saving crucial people from disasters, inspiring inventions, and so on. Of course, they must have a reason for this subtle approach: in this case, 'chaos' is anathema to both sides.

Our characters, as superspies constantly assuming different identities and assassinating people and all sorts of other things, are pretty disconnected from the people whose lives they mess with - something that becomes more explicit later, with the remark that the work involves, often, killing and saving the same people in different timelines. As such, there are few particularly well-defined characters in the story besides Red and Blue - the only real exception being Red's scary, nameless Commandant. Now and then we'll get the allusion to a historical figure, such as Genghis Khan, but only rarely. These bitches have eyes only for each other. Their interactions are frequently compared to a game (mostly go, sometimes a little chess), and the places they pass through are relevant largely insofar as they constitute moves in the game.

This is where I think the comparison to Italo Calvino that I made earlier breaks down. Here, the setting is in large part colour: material for the playful romantic interactions of our two spies. There are definitely some imaginative setpieces - I liked the computer cult of Hack, and the prehistoric valley of bones - but in contrast to Invisible Cities where the relationship between Marco Polo and Kublai Khan is a frame story and the vignettes about cities are the main focus, here the balance is opposite.

On that front of setting, I think I found the factions themselves a little insubstantial. Of course, the point of the novel is in large part that their differences are generally superficial and should be transcended - but beyond that their natures are fundamentally opposed, we never get a huge sense of why the Agency and Garden are battling over the timelines. One is plant themed, the other is robot themed. One plays the long game, the other likes finesse. But both Blue and Red are in some major way alienated from their society - indeed, Red even suggests this is the major qualification for becoming a time agent in her society. They fight the Time War because... they were constructed to do it, because it's a relief from existential despair, and later, because it's sexy to fight a Time War with someone?

If interpreted as an enemies to lovers arc, well, it's not really that. More of a strangers to lovers arc; there is little to not antagonism outside of the occasional bravado about who will win the game. They're really the ultimate u-haul lesbians. But perhaps that's putting a foreign frame on it. 'Courtship through scifi strategy duel leading to transformation through synthesis' is literally a premise I wrote too, I can't possibly complain about it!

I refuse to add another 'lyrical' to the pile, but I can't deny the craft on display here. Still, sometimes the allusions feel a bit too 'local' to my time and place to belong to truly alien beings. Sometimes this is lampshaded - for example, in the first letter from Blue, Ozymandias is quoted, but immediately described as an 'overanthologised work of the early Strand 6 nineteenth century'. That sets up a callback later in one of Red's letter. Another time, Blue recommends Red a fantasy novel written in the 50s, remarking that it is (somehow) the same in every timeline it appears. It's tricky to know how to call this - if the allusions were made up or too obscure, you'd lose the playful way in which they are invoked, yet having a strange transhuman future creature throw out references that feel like they belong to a 20th century university student feels like it familiarises a little too much.

Some of the wordplay also feels... how to put this. The example I'm thinking of is that the characters start riffing on a 19th century etiquette book to help Red get the hang of letter-writing, and this makes reference to a scented seal (wax thing that is used to close an envelope). So Red embeds her next letter inside a seal (marine mammal). My natural assumption is that the characters are speaking $mysterious_future_language, but this kind of pun makes it impossible to read them as speaking anything other than English, right?

But that's the tone of this novel. It's constantly teasing. The Utena influence (I'm told Gladstone is a fan) is certainly strong.

There is something, too, to the way that Red's arc is to step away from the cyborg state where all her inconvenient organs and biological needs can be shut off, and expose herself to what we could call more human experiences - hunger, crying. This is clearly deliberate and rich in metaphorical valence (she is becoming more akin to Blue, and more distant from her utilitarian origin), but she's also coming towards us. This isn't a flaw in the novel, but more a limitation of the medium: we can only see through our own experiences, and thus to write a comprehensible emotional arc for an alien being, we must build our own 'bridges' (to use the novel's metaphor, see what I did there you fuckers) to their experience, and make them more human...

Taken as a spy story, I think the issue is perhaps that the characters are too important. Far from cogs in a vast, grinding geopolitical machine, it feels like Red and Blue are the most important people in all the universes, the only players that matter on either side. Their courtship is inevitable - they just don't need all these other chumps, who can't see how sexy it is to write emotional letters to your rival spy. Everyone else is basically an NPC.

As much as I rib it though, this was basically the perfect train book, and made that five hour journey pass in a breeze. I don't know that I'd really put it on Calvino tier, but I'd still definitely recommend giving it a read, it's a good playful book about lesbians doing a hilariously overcomplicated courtship and what's not to love about that.

As a final addendum - I've been gently reminded that El-Mohtar is 'the prototypical bi woman married to a man who goes to great pains to constantly remind everyone she's not straight', which, you know, fair enough lmao. If my bi granny hadn't married a guy (eight years her senior, no it did not go well), then I wouldn't exist! I just think it's kind of funny.

(and ftr? I don't actually give a shit whether the people who write a book belong to the 'right' identity category. On the contrary, I think everyone should write a gay romance at least once, it's good for the soul, maybe you'll realise you like it more than you thought you would, eh~)

[kaigarax]

Accismus

Nagi Seishirou x Reader

Quote: "Fall in love with someone you’ll only ever share a few passing moments with."

In time travel nothing can be changed. Everything that will happen has already happened - and every change that you hope to make has either already occurred or will never occur at all.

---

Mission Number XX02

There were three rules to time travel that had been ingrained into Nagi Seishiro’s head when he first became a time traveler.

1. Don’t interact with your past self.

Wouldn’t want to accidentally make your past self go crazy.

2. Don’t tell people you’re from the future.

Most people would just ignore you but you wouldn’t want to be responsible for making someone else go insane.

3. Don’t try to change the course of events.

Time travel is to only be used to observe events that have already happened. Besides, even if you wanted to you wouldn’t be able to change anything.

Nagi’s job as a time traveler was to gather information on individuals. Specifically, people that would become famous. His job was to go back and observe what would make them into the individuals that they were. Record their lives from the perspective of a third party and come back with that information so that people of the present could learn about them.

Much more tame than the countless crazy stories that had been written before.

No fate ‘the world is at stake’ plotlines or ‘revenge from a man wronged’ villains. Merely ordinary people that can follow rules and record the lives of another - regardless of how boring that person may seem to you.

Nagi’s current objective - you.

(Y/n) (L/n).

A writer whose works would only garner popularity years after your death. From the brief snippets of information that there was on you, you were mostly a freelance writer that died early. Sometime around your early thirties? Nagi really isn’t all too sure.

He has a relatively easy task.

Follow you around for a couple days, following the moments when you would write your most famous piece. See what likely inspired each of the characters you chose to make and see what might have influenced the setting. See if there was someone special in your life that could have served as the inspiration for what would eventually come to be known as your magnum opus.

He thinks that your biggest series is about time travel, funnily enough. Not that he’s ever taken the time to read it or likely ever will. He’s not that big of a fan of chapter book novels. He much prefers to watch television or read comics if it’s a must that he needs to read. Prefers to look more at the pictures over having to create the image in his head all on his own.

He quickly jots something down on his notebook before following you into a cafe.

The biggest thing to remember when time traveling is to remain calm. The worst thing that you can do is be spotted and have the person you’re following think they’re getting stalked. Well… they are getting stalked but it’s for history purposes. Not for some perverse pleasure. Though… Nagi imagines that many people get a strange perverse pleasure from the information he gives out.

Oh well.

It’s too much for him to think about anyways.

He’s just here for the paycheck after all.

Stay within the rules and you’ll be fine.

Rule 1: don’t interact with your past self, would be an easy rule for him to follow. Nagi wouldn’t be born for at least a couple hundred years so no issue there. There wouldn’t be anyone that would recognize him.

Rule 2: don’t tell people you’re from the future. That shouldn’t be too hard to follow. It wasn’t like Nagi was much of a conversationalist anyways. He much preferred to quietly sit back and watch everything happen around him.

Rule 3: don’t try to change the course of events. Honestly, Nagi isn’t quite sure why this is a rule at all. Any fool with half a brain is smart enough to know that it’s impossible to change the past. Everything that will happen happens because it has already happened. A linear timeline where nothing can be changed or altered. It simply is.

From the information that Nagi’s gathered so far you seem relatively normal. Having just finished up your last few years in college, where you studied History (funnily enough) and would begin to take creative writing more seriously then you had before.

You’re pretty. Surprisingly pretty. He obviously saw photos of you back in his own time-zone but they did not do you justice. Not only did photos not capture the same level of life as they do in his own time-zone but you never seem to be making a normal expression. Mostly forced smiles and strained looks as if you’d rather be anywhere but taking that photo. Nagi relates to you on a spiritual level. He hates getting his own picture taken.

But in person you look so much softer and… realer. Well, you’re obviously realer. He could reach out and touch you if he wanted. You’re so much more expressive than he thought you would have been. So curious about the world around you as your eyes wander, stopping on everything you find interesting despite walking the same path for three days straight.

You’re also, unsurprisingly, patterned. Most people are patterned. You get up around the same time every day, 6:30am after hitting snooze on your alarm clock three times. You get ready for the day before heading off for a morning run. You boil the hot water for a tea that you’ll forget to make after work and head to your computer where you’ll type away until the urge to sleep hits where you’ll then fall asleep and do it all again the next day.

Nagi was hoping for something a little more interesting but he supposes that he’ll take what he can get.

At least today is the weekend, so maybe you’ll actually do something worth recording.

He doubts it.

There’s a barista that thinks you’re cute. He blushes as you smile warmly at him and take your order. Your hair is a little messy from your walk in the cold but you’re still the prettiest person here. Actually, you’re probably the prettiest person around for miles. Nagi actually finds himself a little surprised that he hasn’t seen you in a romantic relationship with anyone.

He does remember reading something about how there was one specific person that you thought about while writing but all the information about it was vague. His main job, funnily enough, was to find out who that person was.

Your drink is something new to you as you ask the barista to recommend something. The barista gives you a dopey smile before creating something sweet. Nagi doesn’t think that you’ll enjoy it all that much. From what he’s observed so far you don’t care much for sweet things. Don’t keep many sweets in your apartment and the ones you do have seem a little old.

You give a smile to the barista after tasting the drink.

Nagi finds a strange level of satisfaction running through him when your eyes don’t smile. Personally, he would have made you something a little more on the sour side. Something cool instead of a warm drink despite the cold weather. You seem like the kind of person that likes to be surprised and both the sour and coolness of the drink would surprise you.

You’d give that halfway sort of smile that you get when you’re in a writing groove. You’d…

Nagi shakes his head.

You’re not supposed to get attached to your assignments. They specifically go out of their way to pick apathetic people like him to send out on these assignments. Better to have people that don’t care about the person in front of them because you never know what kind of problems that it’ll cause later on down the line.

Of course, nothing in the past can be changed, but that doesn’t mean that people don’t go crazy trying to change the past. That they don’t lose their minds when they have to leave behind someone that was so important to them.

“Nagi Seishiro.”

Nagi freezes.

He hasn’t told anyone his name before in this time-zone much less spoken to someone at all. So how is it that someone knows his name? Did someone from his time-zone warp over here to tell him that they were taking over the assignment? While that would be a little strange he wouldn’t be all too surprised.

He tries his best to look apathetic as he looks up at the person who had taken the seat across from him. His blood goes cold when he sees that it’s you.

Your eyes sparkle in a way that Nagi hasn’t seen them sparkle before, “you’re Nagi Seishiro, aren’t you?”

Nagi shakes his head, attempting to feign ignorance, “I have no idea who that is.”

“It’s delightful weather,” you say suddenly.

Nagi freezes.

How in the world would you know that? As far as he knows you’re not one of the people that were privy to the information of time travelers and he most certainly doesn’t remember ever meeting you; so how could you know the first half of the code?

You lean over and take the drink he’s drinking from him, “but I always carry an umbrella.”

Okay. Someone was definitely messing with him.

You take a sip of his drink, “you are Nagi Seishiro, aren’t you?”

Finally, Nagi nods, “how do you know that?”

“Oh, thank goodness! I would’ve been mortified if I had accidentally taken a drink of some random dude’s drink. I was a little hesitant because it’s been a few years since I’ve seen you and you’re younger than how you were since I saw you last.”

“Wait,” Nagi raises an eyebrow, “you’ve met me before? An older version of me?”

You nod, “you were sent to do a piece on one of my classmates and almost caught and needed an alibi so you grabbed me and asked me to help you.”

Rule two: don’t tell people you’re from the future.

Well it’s too late now. It wasn’t like present Nagi was the one responsible for breaking the rules anyways. It seems that you already know about different time-zones and time traveling.

“So, who’s your assignment now?” You ask as you hand his drink back to him.

Nagi feels his cheeks grow hot, but luckily his face stays neutral. You’d have to touch him to know that he’s embarrassed. But, in his defense, who wouldn’t get embarrassed when the person they’re watching asks you who you’re watching. It’s basically asking someone to admit to you that they’ve been following you around and taking notes on you. It’s basically stalking. Well, Nagi likes to think of it more as being a private investigator but truthfully, even he has to admit that it’s basically just stalking.

It also doesn’t help that you’re looking up at him with such a pretty smile.

Gosh. Why did you have to be so pretty?

“It’s uh… the barista over there.”

“Oh really? Are they a relative of someone who wants to learn about them?” You ask.

“Uh… yeah.”

You smile knowingly, as if you know more about Nagi then he knows about himself. He wonders if this is what other people had been talking about in the notes he’d read about you. Your way of looking into the hearts of others. Your eyes are just… so bright and brilliant. So different from anything else he’s ever seen before.

Gosh. He thinks that he’s going to have to pass this mission onto someone else if he can’t get his treacherous heart to calm down.

“You’re lying~” You hum.

“W-what? How did you know that?”

“I didn’t. You just told me.”

He grumbles something in response.

This is why people recommend that you don’t talk to your assignments. Even if it would be easier to just ask someone about their work and what inspired them at the moment there was always the issue of creating a connection with someone else.

And then, there’s the fact that you already seem so fond of Nagi.

He doesn’t think he’s ever seen someone look at him so fondly before. As if he means so much more to him then he’ll ever know. Then he already knows.

It makes him want to lean over and touch you.

To see if you’re real or just an illusion made from his mind. Or perhaps a dream that he’s gotten from how much time he’s been spending with you.

He bets that your skin would be warm against his own.

Suddenly, you reach out and grab his hand.

His face burns hot.

His cheeks flush red as if he’s a school boy.

Gosh, it’s been so long since his body last reacted like this to a girl.

“What is it you want to know, Nagi Seishiro?” You ask.

He clears his throat, “promise you won’t laugh?”

You grin mischievously, “oh, no promises. I have to pay you back for how much you teased me.”

“But that hasn’t even happened yet for me.”

You laugh softly in response - Gosh. Nagi really isn’t sure how he’s going to make it out of this alive.

---

Mission Number XX79

There were three rules to time travel that had been ingrained into Nagi Seishiro’s head when he first became a time traveler.

1. Don’t interact with your past self.

Wouldn’t want to accidentally make your past self go crazy.

Luckily, Nagi’s never actually been given a mission in a time-zone where he can meet himself so he never has to worry about this rule.

2. Don’t tell people you’re from the future.

Most people would just ignore you but you wouldn’t want to be responsible for making someone else go insane.

Now, this rule is a little tricker.

He has, of course, done his best to follow this rule all except for one occasion but that one’s not even his fault in the first place.

3. Don’t try to change the course of events.

Time travel is to only be used to observe events that have already happened. Besides, even if you wanted to you wouldn’t be able to change anything.

This one, obviously, isn’t possible to break.

No one can change the past because it has already happened and the future has already happened. Both timelines that already exist, unable to be changed or morphed. Everything is already exactly as it is.

So obviously, when Nagi finds himself in need of breaking rule two he doesn’t worry much because it has already happened.

You have told him it already happened to you.

So it merely now has to happen to him.

And you again, if that makes sense.

Today, he’s been sent on a mission where he needs to observe the actual events of what happened. It’s some messy highschool drama that he doesn’t care all too much about. A private event that bores him to the bone. What doesn’t bore Nagi, on the other hand, is how he’s almost caught. One of the girls he’d been observing points out that they saw him somewhere else.

Nagi knows that he should have been more careful. That he should have taken better precautions and wore that wig Reo is always telling him to put on before heading off on his missions. It helps to hide his stark white hair which definitely stands out in a time period where unnatural hair colour is still uncommon amongst the general populace. The gene making an unnatural hair colour naturally grow hasn’t yet been introduced and the products people use to dye their hair are still made of products that damage the natural chemicals on your head.

Long story short, Nagi’s white hair stands out and someone noticed it.

This is actually only the second time that Nagi has ever been pointed out in his two years of being a time traveler. His second mission, where he had run into you and this one - where he coincidently went to find you to get your help. Well, he still has to go get you, but his point still stands.

Nagi’s heart seemingly stops in his chest as he sees you.

You’re a sight for sore eyes.

A couple years younger from how you were when he first met you. You’d been four years older than him when he first met you and now it seems that he’s four years older than him (give or take a few if he’s done his math correctly).

He’d forgotten just how loudly his heart would beat and how fast it would race when around you.

So pretty.

He almost forgets that you don’t know who he is.

Actually, he almost forgets to speak to you at all.

He’d much rather just watch you from a distance then have to pull you into this mess that he’s gotten himself into. But, of course, he thinks that it would be better to get your help. It’s not like he can get out of this situation without some inside help and he’ll be damned if he has to call into headquarters and ask for help. He knows for sure that they’d send Barou and goodness knows that he’ll never let Nagi live the moment down. Plus, he knows that you won’t snitch on him.

“Hey, (Y/n)!” Nagi calls out your name.

You turn around, a curious look in your eyes as you look around for someone familiar. Nagi’s heart melts at the sight of seeing your face for the first time in years. From what he knows, this is the last time that he’ll ever see you in person like this and he wants to savor the moment.

Finally, your eyes land on Nagi.

You give him a curious look, “me?”

He nods.

“Do I know you?”

“No,” Nagi shakes his head, “but I know you and I need your help.”

---

“So… let me get this straight. You’re a time traveler and you need my help to… get out of the stalker allegations? But aren’t you basically a stalker?”

Nagi nods, leaning over and taking a sip of the water bottle you had been drinking from, “it’s my job.”

You shoot him a look but it’s quickly replaced as the weight of his words sink in, “right. And it’s totally not creepy that you’re following a high school girl around.”

“If I could have picked my jobs I would’ve declined this one.”

“Right. I definitely believe you…”

He knows that you don’t believe him and he can see in your eyes that you’re looking for the next second to bolt. But you won’t. And if you do, he knows that you’ll eventually come around and help him later on. It has, afterall, already happened. That’s not the thing that’s bothering him.

What’s bothering him is your indifference. Was he this cold to you when the two of you met in the later time-zone? He certainly hopes not. He misses the warmth in your smile that you gave him before. The way your eyes would crinkle around the edges when he said something that you thought was funny. What he misses most though is the warmth of your hand on his own.

He wonders if you feel that speak between the two of you that he does whenever he’s with you. Or if it’s something only specific to him. Well, it’s less of a spark and more of a sensation. A feeling of just wanting to be around the other person. Knowing that everything is just alright when you’re with that other person.

You watch him warily, as if debating something in your mind.

Well then, Nagi thinks, it looks like it’s up to him now to win you over just like how you had won him over. Though, you did have it a little easier because his assignment had been you and he needed to get information from you. You could just leave right now because you have no obligation to help him.

But you will.

That’s just the kind of person you are.

It still kinda hurts though.

“So what do you need me to do?” You ask.

Nagi grins, “pretend to date me.”

“Woah, what?”

“You heard me.”

“Oh I heard you, that doesn’t mean I can immediately accept or decline. It’s a really weird situation to put someone in. Especially someone you barely even know.”

“I know you.”

“Fine,” you huff, “it’s a weird thing to ask someone that barely even knows you.”

“But you’ll do it?”

“Gosh! Give me a moment, will you?”

“Okay.” Nagi hums.

He’d forgotten how pretty you are when you’re deep in thought. It’s a look similar to how you are when you’re in a writing groove. Your eyes narrow in and your eyebrows crease slightly. Back then he had been so hesitant despite wanting to smooth the crease between your eyes. Scared that you would disappear if he were to reach out and touch you.

This time, he takes the chance.

He reaches a hand out.

You jump back slightly at the movement but Nagi continues forward without hesitation. Gently pressing a finger to the crease between your eyebrows and smoothing it out.

He smiles to himself as your face heats up dramatically.

You’re much easier flustered at this age than you were before. Then you will be when you’re older. Nagi imagines that’s because you’re much more experienced with men and relationships by then so he relishes in knowing that he gets to be one of the first ones in your mind that will be close to you like this.

You turn away, your cheeks hot, “w-what are you doing?”

“Smoothing out your eyebrows. Don’t want you to have wrinkles at such a young age.”

“Do I have wrinkles the next time you see me?” You ask hesitantly.

Nagi grins, “why? Are you curious?”

“No.”

“You’re lying~” Nagi hums.

“W-what? How did you know that?”

“I didn’t. You just told me.”

You grumble something in response.

Nagi laughs softly at the familiarity of the moment. You’re so much more of a brat then he thought. But it’s cute. You’re cute. Though, he supposes that he’s always thought you were cute. From the moment his eyes first landed on your file to now.

It sucks that the two of you weren’t born in the same time-zone. That you would forever live your lives between these two moments.

Of his first time meeting you.

And your first time meeting him.

A breadths width apart but hundreds of years away.

Even as the warmth of your hand is inches away from his own it feels light years away.

Nagi remembers when his parents first tried to introduce him to a girl that they wanted him to go on a date with. She, much like you are now, is four years younger than him. He’d scrunched up his nose at the age gap. To him, four years seemed like such a big distance. So far both in terms of life and experience. So far in maturity (despite the fact that girls mature faster than boys). So far in life.

In retrospect, Nagi thinks that maybe if that girl had been you he wouldn’t have thought four years was that far either. He thinks that maybe you must have been his soulmate.

In another world maybe he would have gotten the chance to know you and fall in love slowly. Thinks that he would have been able to lean towards you one day, after taking you out on a date, and whisper about how pretty he thinks you are instead of only thinking it in his mind. That after his fingers would interlock with yours, without either one of you having your thoughts race and your minds be confused trying to grapple with the weight of everything that you do and don’t need to know. That he would be able to lean in and kiss you like boys his age do with girls they like.

He wonders if you’ve been kissed before yet.

Mm, no. He takes that back. He doesn’t want to know. Knows that he’ll be much more jealous than he should be if that answers yes. To him, you’re the girl that he’s always been dreaming of. Even before he met you, it was you. It would always be you. Even if you never knew it. Even if he never tells you.

He won’t.

Be bets that back then there were many things that you had wanted to say to him that you didn’t. He wonders if your heart had ached for him the same way that his aches for you now. It’s strange, he thinks, to yearn for someone that you barely know. But to him, you were never a stranger but rather someone he was getting a chance to rediscover.

Four years doesn’t seem so far now.

At least in compassion to the hundreds of years that will keep you from him. That keeps him from you.

By the time Nagi is born you’ll likely be nothing but dirt once again reunited with the world or dust and ash somewhere out there in the cosmos of the universe.

The two of you are nothing but boats in the night.

A chance of passing in the night.

Gently, he interlocks his fingers with yours.

Your hand is so much softer than he remembers and so much warmer.

Fall in love with someone you’ll only ever share a few passing moments with.

[buthowboutno]

ONE YEAR OF "AND THEY WERE LAB PARTNERS" ✨✨✨

Thank you to everyone who participated in the one year anniversary poll!! I still maintain that it would be funny as /fuck/ to just delete “And They Were Lab Partners” in a memento mori fashion, but alas; Only one person voted for it.

Cowards /j

In any case, the majority voted for the behind the scenes stuff, so here we are! The tidbits of how ATWLP turned into the fucking beast it is.

I would like to personally blame @morning-sun-brah , @hitechlatte, and @ordin-arily for being such big inspirations in this corner of the fandom. You guys are amazing and I probably wouldn't be where I am today without your works.

Shout out to all my losers in the backrooms for keeping me going and being such terrible influences. You are all responsible for the horrors that have been unleashed. A solid third of my content exists because of your sins /aff. 

@beckerboopin is the best beta anyone could ask for and has only brought this story up to the next level. I would die for you becks <3

Also @betyoudidntcthatcoming-blog is the love of my life that I only met ‘cause of this fic or whatever. They’re pretty neat. I guess. :p

ANYWAYS, /CONTENT/

(Major Spoilers Ahead Pre-Chapter 23)

—

I would like to remind everyone that ATWLP was only supposed to be 50k words. You can still witness my naivety in the notes of “Pudge ‘Preciation.” 

How… simple those times were. 

How I so firmly believed the idiots would be kissing by chapter 16. How a projected word count of 150k words seemed unfathomable for a single work, much less a work with multiple published and planned companion pieces.

Crazy. (I was crazy once.)

There was a lot of ATWLP that ended up getting scrapped as I got further into the story. The idiots had a lot of opinions and tugged at me a few different ways as I got to know them better. (aka they wouldn’t listen to me when I told them to fucking kiss already.)

Anyways, some of the few major structural changes:

Casey was originally supposed to reveal that he knew Sweet’s in the bad timeline during the “Intro to Sparring” chapter. That chapter was also originally slotted to happen /before/ the kidnapping debacle, but it just so happened to fit in better later

The stage kiss from “Hit the Club” was going to be in the Nerd Prom chapter. It felt too corny at the time (and lowkey still feels corny) so I put that in my pocket for later. For as much as y’all yelled at me for it, it barely made the final cut lmao.

The way the idiots are going to confess to each other is a COMPLETE 180 from how I planned the story from the beginning, which was already entirely different from the first idea for this fic. I wrote a whole ass chapter about an accidental kiss being the tipping point of them positively macking on each other, which I did end up cutting into convenient pieces for other stuff. (I PUT A PART OF IT DOWN BELOW)

Sweets was going to be kidnapped twice and the whole Purple Dragons debacle was going to be drawn out more. There was a lot more action planned than slice of life content at ATWLP’s conception. For better or for worse, this is where the story led us.

Donnie’s mating season wasn’t going to be as involved in the story, if in it at all. I grew to be hornier and less ashamed. You’re welcome.

The first title for this fic was “Lab Rat: a Story of Nerds Falling in Love.” For the life of me I cannot remember what compelled me to change it, but holy shit am I glad I did.

I was going to use (y/n) in this fic. No hate to those who do, but stylistically I’m pretty happy with not doing that.

And because I have no control over the idiots, quick rundown of the chapters that weren’t supposed to happen.

Kart Conflict

The Christmas Issue

The Recovery: Day Two 

Valentine’s Day Episode

Hit the Club

Aquarium? Hardly Know ‘Em

****Pool Excursion

****Beach Episodes

****honestly just like the entire endgame of this fic

All the ficlets/ alternate POV’s

All the smut! I still have it written down in my original notes that ATWLP was gonna be completely PG lmao. Once again y’all have @morning-sun-brah and her fucking fabulous fics to blame for that

The Valentines’ and aquarium chapters are COMPLETELY different than how I had originally planned, even with being forced to include them in my chart. The Valentine’s day plans that the brothers had “ditched” with Sweets was the og plot for the chapter. The aquarium chapter was supposed to be a rooftop picnic with feels~~, no aquarium even fucking mentioned in my outline.

I don’t have much control over what happens tbh. I am praying that the 37 planned chapters will be the final chapters. 

We’ll…. we’ll just have to see how that turns out.

The scrapped plots as a little treat for y’all <3 ~~~

Cut Stage Kiss (after the lift in Nerd Prom)

You leaned closer to Donnie’s face, intent on screeching in his ear for pulling that stunt.

“Kiss them already!” May yelled from the inner edge of the crowd. You turned bright red, blinking at her. You shook your head at her, but the crowd started to catch onto the idea. 

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!”

Donnie laughed, a little incredulous. He leaned in close to your ear, whispering, “Theatre kid protocol?”

You nodded in agreement, allowing him to put a hand to your face. He leans into your mouth, making the crowd go wild. You giggle against the thumb separating your lips, smiling against it. Donnie pulled away from you with a dramatic ‘mwah’. You threw your head back, fully laughing as Donnie lifted you up from the dip. 

First Valentine’s Day Outline

The final four move to the living room

Sweets: “We’re making friendship bracelets while we watch the most romantic movie of all time.”

Raph: “Shrek 2!”

Donnie: “This is ridiculous”

Sweets: “This holiday is ridiculous, now pick out your five favourite colors of embroidery floss”

Donnie: “....Fine."

Donnie is actually terrible at making bracelets lmao while mikey has wristfuls of them

Donnie: “I don’t understand! I’m following the blueprints exactly!”

Mikey: “The... instructions?”

Donnie: “Whatever! How are you making those so fast? You don’t even have that many friends!”

Mikey: “Physical therapy is a hell of a time, my brother.”

Sweets: “Is Donnie being ableist again?”

Mikey: “I do believe he is.”

Donnie: “I am autistic!”

Sweets: “Bless you.”

ORIGINAL CONFESSION

And it all starts like most things in your life do: a silly mistake.

“Donnie,” you whined. You were working on your physics homework at his desk while he was soldering a new motherboard for the Turtle Tank’s controls.

“Little pest,” he mimicked your tone without looking up. He kept on soldering as you stared at him, not a care in the world. 

“Would you be so kind as to look over my work for this problem? I’m following the steps but I’m not getting the right answer.”

“Mmm,” Donnie said. At that moment, a spark flew from his project and caught his exposed cheek. He flinched back, dropping his wire and soldering rod on the table and rubbing his face. You batted your eyes at him while he scowled. 

“I don’t know how, but I blame you for that.”

“I would *never*,” you teased. You pushed your chair to the side a bit so Donnie could stand next to you. 

He moved his goggles to his head and put his left arm over the back of your chair, leaning over you. He parsed through your work for a minute and tilted his head down to tell you what you needed to fix.

It just so happened that you tilted your head up to ask him a question at the same time, the two of you meeting in the middle with a kiss. 

Well, it wasn’t so much of a kiss as it was the two of you accidentally brushing your lips together for a moment. Seconds, almost nothing at all. 

But the way that Donnie looked at you when the two of you jumped apart…

That…that wasn’t nothing. 

You could almost laugh at the ridiculousness of this situation. You could’ve cracked a joke, played up your ridiculous game of pet names and intellectual bravado. 

(To be honest, you almost did.)

But then you thought about the way Donnie’s lips felt against yours. You thought about the way you’d dream of that moment and then proceed to do everything in your power to banish those thoughts away. Your mouth hung open slightly as you looked up at him, trying to will yourself to do anything, anything at all.

Donnie ended up making that decision for you. That oh, so familiar churring started emanating from his chest. He took your face in his hands, looking into your eyes for just a hint of confirmation before leaning in for a real kiss.

Oh.

*Oh*.

(Yeah, you could get used to this.)

There was nothing more you could do than press yourself against him, against his touch. You felt him smiling into the kiss, pressing you down into the chair. 

Donnie was *everywhere*, like he was trying to encompass you. His hand moved to your hair, the other to your hip. You smiled when you remembered his adoration for your love-handles all that time ago. You traced along his plastron, making nonsense shapes and mapping out every scar.

He was so responsive. The chirring increased tenfold for every touch to his chest, every soft bite you gave his lips. You recalled all the times he would make noises from you touching along his shell. You pressed your hands fully against him, doing your best to draw out more and more of those sounds.

What Donnie lacked in experience he made up for in enthusiasm. He followed your lead, matching your pace every step of the way. You licked along the seam of his lips, gasping as his mouth opened for you. Donnie’s tongue against yours was tentative, shy even. You did everything in your power to ease Donnie into deepening the kiss. 

When he moved from your lips and started kissing down your throat, your soul could have left your body right there. He was so…*gentle*. 

Donnie always has been. From when he was slinging his arms around you to kicking your ass in sparring, Donnie has never failed to treat you with care and reverence. 

You feel it now, with every soft bite he gives you, every gentle peck behind your ear.

Donnie pulled away from you after what felt like decades. (Never enough, it would never be enough.) You leaned forward after him, trying to close the space he was creating. He looked bashful.

“This might be the proper time to tell you that I have a massive crush on you,” Donnie said. His face was fraught with nervous determination. 

“Yeah, no fucking shit,” you said. You stood up from the chair and used your body to push Donnie against the desk. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him down to your height.

“I’ve been wanting to kiss you for forever, can we get on with it?” you said, looking into his eyes. Donnie turned bright red.

“But– you? Do you?” Donnie stammered a bit.

“Donnie,” you deadpanned, crowding into his space, “I’ve had a crush on you for a year, thanks for noticing. Will you *please* lean your face down a bit so I can reach it?” 

Donnie looked at you a bit incredulously, like you were a problem he didn’t know how to solve yet. He made quite a picture, all red faced and calculating with a dumb half-smile while he looked at you. But, giving in, he put his arms around you and leaned in to kiss you again.

“Aye, aye, captain.”

You smiled into the kiss, humming with contentment.

He likes you.

He likes you.

—

Aaaaand some random headcanons because I love you guys and I am truly so thankful to this kickass community <3 I truly do not know where I would be without the support y’all have given me.

Donnie has a hella oral fixation

NOT IN A KINKY WAY (most of the time) But as an autist, Donnie do be biting

One of his biggest shows of trust if he bites you while just chilling

Like if donnie is big spoon, he just nom on a shoulder and stay there chillin

Or if reader is body pillow, he’ll lean around and bite their bicep

Good sensations

Donnie draws on eyebrows every day, he for sure would be very good at doing intricate makeup on reader

Gently holds their chin up, concentrated as hell while reader blushes like mad

Donnie keeps getting banned off of roblox

Didn’t matter tbh, he knew how to hack into it to get his account reinstated

Also makes money off of roblox??

never explains to Sweets, very suspicious

Sweets likes to kiss along donnie’s neck/where his battle shell usually sits

The word here is reverence

Donnie is egotistical, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have insecurities about being a mutant turtle and you being a human

Lots of tracing along his arms, his face, his shell

Donnie likes his coffee to be half coffee, half milk to cut down on bitterness. Sweets is a tea drinker normally, but opts for coffee when they can’t focus (which ends up being most of the semester).

Sweets drinks black coffee when they’re on the struggle bus

To quote them, “Black coffee can’t hurt me more than Calc II already has”

But they prefer two creamers and two sugars when they have it in their dorm.

That’s all, congrats on making it to the bottom of this long ass post lmao <3

[myreia]

fic authors self rec

When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the love ❤️

I was tagged by @lilbittymonster to fill this out, thank you so much!

I'm a little late with this, but I'll tag a few folks (I think this is going around as an ask meme, too?). If you've already been asked or tagged, I'd love to see a second selection of your favourites! 💖

@bearlytolerant @tsunael @anneapocalypse @ievaxol @ardberts

@fourteenthz @birues @thewitchofelpis @a-shakespearean-in-paris @thevikingwoman

@impossible-rat-babies @autumnslance @gatheredfates @hylfystt

—01. Divergence of the Heart

Final Fantasy XIV | Heavensward | Wolmeric, Wolcred + background Thancred/Hilda Explicit | 53,996 words | 11 chapters

Aureia Malathar may have made a name for herself in Ishgard, but her deeds come with a hefty personal toll. Despite her victories at the Grand Melee she has never felt more unsure of herself. Her relationship with Thancred—the person she thought knew her the best—is strained, yet she cannot abandon him. Aymeric is falling for her harder with each passing day, yet she cannot bring herself to accept it. All may be fair in love and war, but at least war is predictable. Love, on the other hand…

I wrote this fic last year and it quickly became both extremely personal and also one of my favourite things I've ever written. It's also me poking fun at myself for creating what is probably the worst love triangle based off a couple lines of in-game dialogue from Thancred.

But I think the thing that makes it special to me isn't the love triangle or the emotional entanglements or the drama, it's exploring the different facets of Aureia's asexuality as a sex-positive and greyace person. This is a pretty complex topic and asexuality isn't as straightforward as "no sex ever". I also wanted to approach the erotic scenes with a certain sensibility and pull back the curtain on the romanticism of first times in search of something a little more grounded.

—02. Bound by Faith

Final Fantasy XIV | Shadowbringers | Wolcred Explicit | 28,406 words | 5 chapters

With their enemies defeated, the Crystarium is alive with celebration. Despite the joy around her, Aureia is uncertain about the next steps to take. So is Thancred, for that matter. The puzzle of their lives has sat incomplete for years, but finally this last, precious piece may be able to slide into place.

Okay so. 🥺 This was the first big Aureia/Thancred piece that I finished. I wrote it when I was going through an extremely rough time last year, and I think it was cathartic in a way to have them have all the right things come together so that taking a chance on a relationship finally feels right.

—03. As We Move Forwards

Final Fantasy XIV | Endwalker | Wolcred Mature | 8,140 words | 2 chapters

With tragedy averted and the world in recovery, Thancred and Aureia finally have some time to themselves. It’s nice—good even—to spend time alone, focusing on the things that matter most. But as they depart on a trip across Ilsabard, the question of what comes next lingers in his mind. Where do you go from here? How do you pick up the pieces of something broken and put it back together?

This is a much more recent Aureia/Thancred fic than the previous ones, and I'm enjoying poking at their Endwalker timeline. So much happens. Many things have been said and done, and their marriage has been put through the wringer. It was fun to explore what moving on looks like when they came so close to everything falling apart due to the pressures of outside circumstances. Marriage for them is not a happy ever after, it's just another point on the journey and they both still have a lot of growing to do.

—04. Resistance

Dragon Age: Origins | Tabris x Daveth Explicit, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death | 25,370 words | 7 chapters

Numbed by the events that took her away from Denerim, Rhea Tabris arrives in Ostagar to become a Grey Warden. But as she prepares for initiation and encounters an unexpected person, she discovers she can never truly let her past die.

I think this is my favourite DA fic back from when I used to write a lot of DA stuff. I don't know what it is about the Tabris x Daveth ship, it's such a rarepair but my mind latched onto the possibility and wanted to shake it up and down like a salt shaker and see what fell out. Angst and smut, apparently.

—05. Leave Me At the Shore of the Heart

Dragon Age 2 | Bethany Hawke x Anders Mature | 9,332 words | 4 chapters

On the eve of the Deep Roads expedition, a chance conversation between Anders and Bethany sparks feelings neither of them expected.

This one is special to me because it's the last DA fic I wrote. I'm not entirely sure what possessed me to write this ship, but I was turning a few things over in my head while playing DA2 and I just had a thought about the possibilities of character interactions — tl;dr the conversation I made up in my head was interesting and I needed to follow it haha.

[alouiadina]

Fanfiction Idea

This is going to be long because I didn't want to split it up.

I've been thinking about this idea inspired by There's A Part of You Always Standing By (Mapping Out a Sky) by Perpetual Motion (@sweaterkittensahoy )

For those who haven't read it, it's about Rosie and Ken's relationship during the war (and there isn't homophobia, though it is set in the 40's) And if you haven't read it, you should, it's amazing.

So, my idea isn't really that different from what's in the thing, it's really just a bunch of fan fictions that I want to read.

So the gist of it, is it's basically one story, but with multiple different fan fictions/perspectives, and it is set in the 40's with no homophobia like it was in the 40s. It'll, of course, include buck/bucky, but all of my favorite pairs/ rare pairs, and how their stories intertwine, as well as changing some stuff around so that their isn't any major character death.

I apologize if the timeline is off:

Clegan- when they meet, Gale and Marge are close friends, and when he and Bucky first meet, he thinks that Gale and Marge are dating. For the few chapters (like 2-3) they're in basic training and they're kind of dancing around each other, Bucky actively trying not to flirt with Gale, but still being his handsy self, and Gale being receptive to it, but also thinks that Bucky is just a big flirt/ a bit of a whore because he sees Bucky acting similarly handsy with Curt and some of the women there. Everyone thinks they're dating, asking Bucky about his better half, and he explains they're not dating. Gale has some similar experienced

Bucky doesn't realize he can ask out Gale until Marge and her friend (I don't remember her name) comes to visit. Maybe they come a bit earlier, while they're still in basic training. Marge insists that the two of them go get drinks bc she wants to make sure that Bucky is good for Gale, because Gale has written her about him. Bucky asks her "so, how long have you been going out?" you two being her and Gale. She answers "Oh, (friend) and I have been going out for a year."

Bucky blinks at her, dumbfounded. "Lesbian?" He asks, oh so eloquently. She nods, and he responds with "Oh. I thought you and Gale were dating." And she responds with the same thing, mentioning how Gale talked about him in the letters that he sent her. After a day of processing, Bucky does eventually ask out Gale, and they're dating by the time Marge comes back with her girlfriend before they ship out.

(Sometime before they ship out, they get two pictures of the two of them embracing for each of them to carry in their forts. And maybe their is a dance or something idk)

They do break up before Gale goes down, because they fight over Gale not wanting to London with him. Bucky does end up with that woman because she looks so much like Gale, then the next day he finds out that Gale went down, and feels guilty. They then reconnect in stalag luft III, where Bubbles, Dickie, and Curt are bc they didn't die. When it looks like they're going to start dating again, Bucky tells him about the woman in London, which makes Gale pull away. Gale tells Bucky that he's hurt by what Bucky did, even though he knows that they were broken up and Bucky was upset, but it still hurts. Bucky apologizes again, and their relationship starts again, but it's a little rough.

Their relationship is still rough when they're moving to the 2nd POW camp, and if I remember correctly, Gale comes across a friend, and Bucky is jealous of said friend.

Their relationship is slowly healing throughout this, and is basically healed when Gale, his friend, that other guy that escaped with them (I think), and Dickie escape, forcing Bucky (and Curt) to stay behind. And before they escape, Bubbles gives both Bucky and Gale to give to Crosby to let him know that he's alive.

The rest of the stuff happens, Gale gives Crosby Bubbles' note, Bucky and Gale reunite, and Gale asks Bucky if he wants to get married, and Bucky jokingly brings up this conversation he and Curt had (either in basic training, sometime before Curt crashed, or after Gale escaped) that the two of them discussed having a double wedding. They don't, as who would be Bucky's best man.

Crubbles- They also meet in basic training. They both meet because they both were denied to become pilots, Crosby because of his air sickness, and Bubbles because he once took the place of navigator and they just made him a navigator. They begin bunking together. And maybe this is a polyamorous Crosby/Jean thing, with both of them bisexual. There could be this whole thing of Bubbles being miserable because he has a crush Crosby. Jean, like Marge, visits with her girlfriend during basic training, and the two of them plus Crosby and Bubbles go to dinner.

While Croz is getting drinks, Bubbles witnesses Jean and her girlfriend kissing, and internally panics because in his eyes the wife of the man his best friend, the man he's in love with, is cheating on him with her friend. Croz comes back with drinks and they continue their conversation from before Croz went to get drinks. Bubbles tries to act normal, and waits until after Jean and her girlfriend leaves to tell Croz about what he saw. He has to wait a little because Jean wants to talk to Croz for a moment before they leave. When they do leave, and Jean is out of sight, both of them say that they have something to say to the other. Croz lets Bubbles go first, and he says "Your wife's cheatin' on you, Croz." And when asked to clarify, Bubbles says "She kissed her friend when you went to get drinks."

"Oh, you mean her girlfriend?" "What?" "Jean and I have an open relationship, that was her girlfriend. That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about,"

Crosby then goes to explain the reason why Jean came to visit them was to meet Bubbles, and approve of him, which is why the two of them talked afterwards. Bubbles asks what Jean would be approving of him for, and Crosby goes a bit red, his confidence leaving him as he looks at his feet.

"I wanted to ask you out," he mumbles and Bubbles stops breathing.

The two of them start a relationship, make comments about Bucky and Gale's (because maybe at this point in this story, they haven't started yet.) Also, maybe Crosby and Rosie are able to meet in basic training before Rosie goes to Texas, and they both talk to each other about their love lives/ wanting to ask out the men they're interested in, and also Nash is there. Before Rosie goes to Texas and before Ken gets shipped to England like a week before Bubbles and Harry do, they go on a double date while the two couples are on weekend passes. While on the double date, they come across a Photo Booth, both couples doing pictures.

They basically have a happy relationship, and they are able to have another weekend pass/ some down time, like maybe in Greenland or something. Then Bubbles plane goes down, and there are some parachutes out before the plane explodes, but not everyone sees them, which leads Crosby to think he's dead. Crosby has his "Hallucinating Edward Cullen" moment when he over works himself, and stays up for 72+hrs. Even after waking up after passing out, he still sees Bubbles, then he's forced to go to Oxford. Then the whole Sandra thing happens, and he's hallucinating Bubbles the entire time, and the maybe first time the two of them have sex, he sees Bubbles in her place, which is why he's desperate to keep seeing her.

While this is happening Crosby and Rosie are emotionally leaning on each other, Crosby because of Bubbles and Rosie because Ken broke up with him after finding out Rosie re-upped without consulting him. He also sees Ken doing what Crosby did when he found out that Bubbles "died" with not sleeping. Crosby ends up having a conversation with Ken, saying this lack of sleep will inevitably lead to bad things. Ken, in anger, accuses Crosby of sleeping with Rosie, which angers Crosby, but he swallows it, mostly, and he gives this Ken this speech about appreciating the ones you love while you still can, then he leaves. Ken does end up apologizing to Crosby when Ken when Rosie's fort is the only one to come back. Crosby and Rosie do end up talking with each other while Rosie's in the Flak house and Crosby's at Oxford, and he ends up talking Crosby down from going and seeing Sandra in more of a friendly sense again. He ends up talking to Sandra more about Bubbles, what they meant to each other, and why he pursued a relationship with her, and she's understanding, and they become friends

Then in stalag luft III, Bubbles gets processed, and meets up with Curt and dickie, as well as Gale then eventually Bucky. One of his bunkmates does proposition him, but Bubbles says no, he has a boyfriend waiting for him.

Crosby and Ken do end up connecting more the they find out that Rosie's plane had been shot down, and Crosby is the one that sits with Ken, comforting him when Winks can't, making sure he's eating and sleeping regularly, and also talking to him about both Rosie and Bubbles, because talking helps.

I don't remember when this happens in the story, but when Crosby does get sent home to Jean, instead of not telling her about Sandra like he did irl, and of the Edward Cullen Hallucinations he's been having of Bubbles. She's angry, but understanding, then they have sex and she gets pregnant.

Then with the moving between POW's, like I mentioned before Bubbles writes two notes that say the same thing and gives them to Bucky and Gale respectively in case he isn't able to escape (which he isn't). It's just this heartfelt letter saying in case no one saw, he escaped his plane before it blew up, and as of the day he's writing, he's still alive. He hasn't stopped thinking about Crosby, the thought of the possibility of escaping or being freed so that he can get back to Crosby has kept him alive for this long, and that he'd do his best to stay alive to do so.

Then he does eventually get freed, coming back with Bucky. When he gets back, before he's able to shower, Crosby pulls him into a hug and starts peppering kisses over his face, then finally his mouth, all the while Bubbles protesting, saying that he needs to shower.

They do shower together, and while in the shower, Crosby tells Bubbles everything. Bubbles is disappointed in Crosby for the Sandra thing, but makes sure that Crosby knows that he understands that grief his weird, and that's why he did what he did. He's also excited about Jean being pregnant, and is excited to be parent/uncle/ whatever Jean and Harry wants him to be to the child.

Rosielemmons- Robert at first only knows Ken as Lemmons and as a head of curly hair that occasionally sticks out of the forts. He finally goes to meet Ken because Nash is tired of hearing Rosie basically waxing poetic over this mechanic they've never met. So, Nash drags Rosie to where the planes are kept, asking Winks where Ken is. Winks points them to a plane that he says Ken is checking, and he drags Rosie over.

Ken is working on checking one of the of the last forts that needs to be checked when he hears two sets of footsteps approach. They yell up to him, and he yells back to give him a moment to finish his once over, as he is almost done. About 5-10 mins later, he's out of the plane and he has a bit of moment when he sees Rosie, not realizing that Rosie is also having a moment. Then he notices that there is another person is there, stuttering out a greeting/apology, then asking why they're there. The other person (Nash) introduces the two of them to Ken and says that his friend Rosie was curious how the planes work on a more mechanical level, and that he was the best person to ask. Then Nash leaves, leaving the two of them alone. Ken, not knowing what else to do, starts walking Rosie through the parts of the plane, in detail.

Rosie does his best to listen, asking questions when he hears something that he doesn't fully understand, but he keeps getting distracted by Ken's freckles, curls, eyes, lips, and all of that. By the time they're done, it's almost dinner, and Rosie almost asks Ken, who he still only knows as Lemmons, to join him for dinner, but Winks comes in, saying that it's time for dinner. So, they say they're goodbyes and they go to dinner. At dinner, Rosie keeps glancing at Ken, stopping when Ken catches him.

Nash teases him, and Rosie hits him on the back of the head, telling him that he looks forward to teasing him when he gets a crush. The next day, he visits Ken, again close to dinner, this time able to ask to eat with him. Ken blushes and agrees. At dinner, they're sitting as alone as they can. Ken tells Rosie his first name and rank, and they end up talking to each other so long they are asked to leave the mess hall so that they can lock it up.

Rosie walks Ken to his barracks, where they almost kiss because of an eyelash, but that doesn't happen because Winks walks out of the barracks to go look for Ken, only to him and Rosie standing there.

They end up exchanging notes, and meeting up when they can, and they start dating. They go do their weekend pass, Rosie spoiling Ken while they're there, and also doing the double date with Bubbles and Crosby. They do the Photo Booth stuff, the night ending not long after that.

A week or so later, Ken gets shipped over to England, going over on a boat. While on the boat, he writes a long letter to send to Rosie once he's there, maybe he also meets Rosie's sister at some point like he did in the Perpetual Motion's fic, sending a picture of the two of them with his long letter.

Then Rosie's stay in America extends as he as he and Nash go to Texas for teaching and stuff. Ken, Winks, and the other mechanics befriend the children that hang with them in the air field (?)

Then Rosie finally comes over, there's a dance, and Rosie gets excited when he sees the bucks, and his interactions with them are the same, but Ken is also there.

Their relationship gets strained with all of the missions and Ken's late nights, but they try. Ken eventually finds out that Rosie re-ups. They have a fight and it's messy. Rosie tries to get Ken to understand the guilt he'll feel if he leaves, and Ken tries to get Rosie the pain he'll feel loosing Rosie. There's yelling and crying, mostly from Ken, and Ken ends up ending the relationship, stomping on Rosie's heart, not because he wants to, but because he feels like Rosie has stomped on his. They both mope around, Rosie going into the emotional co-dependency thing with Crosby, and Ken gets it into his head that the reason why that Rosie re-upped was not because of the guilt he was talking about, but because he wanted to break up with him and get with Crosby. So, he starts doing what he saw Crosby do when Bubbles went down: barely sleeping and barely eating, mostly working. He does try to hook up with Winks, knowing that Winks used to have a thing for him, but Winks turns him down and tries to take care of Ken the best he can, which is usually bringing him food from mess, and the occasional blanket.

Then Crosby finds out and tries talking to him about it and its consequences. Ken's, of course, hostel towards Crosby, accusing him of sleeping with Rosie. He can tell that it pissed off Crosby, then he gets the "Cherish your loved ones" speech. Then Rosie's fort is the only one to come back. The two of them have a lightly awkward conversation and they both apologize for their words and actions, and Ken ends up finishing his paperwork that night with Rosie sleeping in the cot in his office. Rosie get's sent to the flak house, and one of the days, for like an hour or two, Ken gets to visit Rosie.

Then, a bit later, Rosie's plane gets shot down. Ken's emotional pain is so intense, it hurts him physically. He ends up coming to Crosby and asking him how he deals. They end up meeting up to talk about Bubbles and Rosie, and Crosby is obviously dad-ing him, which leads to Ken finding out about Jeans pregnancy. This lasts until Ken gets a letter from Rosie, saying where he is, what he said, and that he's on his way back. When Rosie finally returns, he tells Ken what he saw, and asks him if he wants to get married. He does. They end up discussing it when they can, and they agree that they're getting married on Ken's family farm, and then where they're going to live.

I haven't really thought about a curt/dickie longfic, though it may be nice to read one alongside the others.

I would also like to mention that jackharding would be an ideal additional ship also to appear in a longfic that focuses on the two of them. Like, the only thing I really thought about is that Jack is mad at Bucky for getting demoted, which lead Jack getting air exec, but the anger he feels for Bucky goes away when he actually meets Harding, the new CO.

[thatonebirdwrites]

This chapter is long. It covers Kara meeting Jack and Sam for the first time. Which means Sam enters the timeline much sooner than in Canon. So readers can chew on that. It also starts Sam's Tale. Meaning we're entering the horror sections. Then we'll dig deeper into what the Superfriends decide to do in the present time to aid our Trio in their healing journey.

I admit, my homelessness experiences played a role in how I wrote Sam's Tale. I did not sugarcoat it.

As always, I have done my best to portray these experiences thoughtfully and well. My end-notes include thoughts, research, and life experiences to help readers better understand DID, C-PTSD, panic, and other heavy topics.

EXCERPT:

Sam Arias makes perhaps the worst decision of her life at age fifteen. A charismatic boy literally sweeps her off her feet at a party, and she learns that sex with boys is not really her jam. It’s not bad. She definitely can be attracted to guys, but the sex is just not that great.

So when over a month later nausea sets in and she misses her period, she starts to panic. She can’t be seen buying a pregnancy test. Her mother is already on her ass for going to the party instead of studying. Perhaps a terrible plan, but she has no recourse. She goes to the store, stuffs the test into her pants, and buys a candy bar. Her first theft and hopefully her last.

The test is positive.

Sam sits in the stall at her high school and stares at the test. She blinks a few times. Closes her eyes and counts to twenty, but each time she looks, it’s definitely positive.

She’s fucked. Majorly fucked.

She rubs her face and wishes she could call Jack, but he’s in England and they’ve only ever written each other since the penpal program matched them. Sometimes she’ll make a mixtape for him, and he’ll send his own. Even though he gave her a number, international charges would have her mother yelling at her for wasting money.

So she calls the only other person she knows might help.

“Yo, Sam, what are you doing calling during school?” Lucy Lane’s voice ripples into her phone. “Isn’t there like rules or something—”

“Luce, I’m pregnant.” Sam puts her face in her hand. The test’s plastic feels cold against her forehead.

“Oh shit.”

Sam isn’t entirely sure what she expects from the friend she’d made at a theater camp. Sam preferred the calculus of the mapping out the set and its measurements to acting. Lucy quickly took her under her wing, and Sam learned she’d ran off with some girl to National City, broke up, and now builds theater sets. Sam isn’t sure if Lucy ever graduated high school or not. Talking of her past isn’t a thing Lucy does.

So okay, maybe she does expect Lucy to pull a ridiculous feat like sneak her off school grounds without anyone catching them.

Sam doesn’t question it. She’s learned better. When Lucy sets her mind on something, she makes it happen, no matter how ridiculous the steps she takes to get there.

The wind sweeps Sam’s curtain of brown hair back, while Lucy shouts ridiculous jokes over the roar of her truck and the loud rap music. Lucy pulls onto the highway entrance ramp, probably way above the speed limit. Sam has no idea where they’re going, but who cares? Her mother is going to kill her when she finds out Sam’s pregnant, so why not take a moment for herself?

Lucy pulls into the Sierra State Park and drives up a narrow road to the mountain peak’s parking lot. She pulls to a stop, cranks up the brake, and turns to Sam. “So, uh, you really are…?”

Sam hands her the test.

“Damn. Was the sex good at least?”

Sam shakes her head.

“Well fuck. That sucks. I’m sorry, girl. Look, there’s a few things we can do.” Lucy taps her driving wheel, nibbles on her lips, then nods. “I’m getting out the beer.” She throws open her door and dives into the bed of her trunk where her cooler always is.

Sam steps out and walks to the edge of the gravel lot. Benches form a train of seats that overlooks a massive cliff. To her left, a trail winds up a rocky expanse to the fairly flat peak. She can see National City in all its glory with the ocean beyond, sparkling in the noon sun.

“Beer or Sprite?”

“Beer but only one.” Sam needs to take the edge off her sizzling nerves.

Lucy hands her a beer and guides her to a bench. She takes a swig and sighs. “So, uh, you got two choices. Abortion or keep it.”

Sam sniffs the beer and wrinkles her nose. “Couldn’t get the good lager?”

“Hey!” Lucy pretends to look affronted. “Best stuff I could buy on my stupid theater salary. Just you wait until I sign up for the Airforce. I’ll come home with the best beer you’ll ever taste.”

Sam hates the idea of Lucy going off to the military, but her friend seems determined to follow in her father’s footsteps. Considering how good she is at hand-to-hand combat already, Sam could see her excelling there, but it hurts. She’s one of Sam’s closest friends. She takes a long swig of the beer and grimaces. “Probably bad for any baby,” she mutters.

“Look, you don’t got to keep it.”

“And what if I do?” Sam snaps.

Lucy holds up her hands, the beer in her left. “Hey, I’m not saying you can’t keep it. But you’re young.”

“And you’re not?”

“I’m two years your elder, thank you very much.” Lucy takes another swig and wipes her mouth on the back of her hand. “Look, I’m just saying being a teenage mother is hard. You sure you wanna sign up for that?”

Sam wants to scream at her shitty luck more than anything else. “How much time do I have to decide?” she says instead.

[wannab-urs]

HallowReads Celebration

I'm not much of a graphic maker and I'm not great at making playlists for other people, so I decided to contribute to this lovely celebration in the way I usually celebrate fic writers in this fandom: Recs!

And listen, I know I have uhhh quite a few mutuals here. I'm not trying to leave anyone out. I love you all very much. I'm only making one of these though and there's only 4 questions lol.

My favourite fanfic I read this year

Lavender by @justagalwhowrites Description: An age-gap grumpy/sunshine friends-to-lovers (and eventually friends-to-lovers-to-enemies-to-friends-to-lovers) fanfic that starts pre-outbreak. Series is now complete and spans from Spring, 2000, through Fall, 2029, in the HBO timeline. My thoughts: It's hard to pick a favorite fic. I have read a little over 500 fics since April of this year. But this one has stuck with me so hard. I keep coming back to it over and over. It is beautifully written, heart wrenching, absolutely wonderful. The no outbreak AU will heal you from the trauma of reading the original version, but listen... it's worth it. The characters, the plot, the imagery, everything is so incredible. If you haven't read this... what are you doing?

A beloved fanfic with my comfort character

Celestial Navigation by @write-and-buried Description: dumped and drowning in a summer storm, you duck inside a coffee shop to hide from your broken heart. Covered in plants and hand drawn images over exposed brick, it seems like a slice of heaven. The owner brings you a blueberry muffin and a promise; you'll fall in love with him before the new year. My thoughts: Dieter is my comfort character, 100%. I love him with all my heart. This fic... It takes everything I love about the character of Dieter, puts him into an eccentric millionaire coffee shop AU, mixes in a little bit of that supernatural witchy vibe I love... and it stole my heart. I read this very very early on in my PPCU days and I have since read it 3 times. And I really don't do rereads often. This fic is absolutely beautiful. It's my fucking Roman Empire, man. I think about it at least daily.

A fanfic I wish more people knew about

Psychomanteum by @whatsnewalycat Description: You've recently taken on the customer-facing responsibilities of the small-scale cannabis bakery you and your late husband ran out of your apartment, which introduces you to occasional customer, Dieter Bravo. A friendship is sparked when you realize you have something in common: you've both died. What Dieter doesn't tell you about his near-death experience, though, is that it foretold his life with you. My thoughts: This is one of those fics you think would have 1000 notes and then you look and it has less than 200 on each chapter. This fic is criminally underrated. Psychomanteum is one of the main reasons I even started writing fanfic. I hadn't considered how deeply moving and beautiful a fic could be until I read this. I think I was originally drawn in by the spooky vibes and I was hooked immediately by the world building, the characters, the exploration of grief and trauma. I cannot sing this fic or aly's praises enough. Everyone should read this.

A fanfic with my favourite trope/AU

Be-All and Endor by @djarins-cyare Description: Languishing in a dull and lonely existence on the forest moon of Endor after travelling there to help salvage Death Star wreckage, a nearly fatal encounter with a mysterious bounty hunter out in the forest heralds an opportunity to utilise long-forgotten skills and develop something more profound than you ever thought possible. My thoughts: So my favorite trope is slow burn. This is... an exceptional slow burn. The tension is there pretty much right from the beginning, but it's like 25 whole chapters before the smut happens I think? Don't quote me on that but it's like nearly halfway in to a fic that is very, very long. On to why this is my favorite slowburn ever: The worldbuilding is beautiful. The characterization of Din is one of the best I've literally ever seen. Reader is incredible. Every choice made by the author is so smart and well-researched and planned out. The plot is fantastic, the characters are amazing, the imagery, the tension, the character development. If you love Din, you have to read this. It is beautiful.

A fanfic with my favourite trope/AU Part 2

I simply can't resist a M/M/F sex pollen fic

Of Gorgons and Gardens by @concussed-to-pieces

Description: a Death Watch-raised Mando that takes the Creed incredibly seriously and an Ezra that's well armed -- sex pollen in the form of a weird plant

My thoughts: I am a SLUT for sex pollen fics, so obviously that was excellent. I also love how it was like "oh the plant makes men want to fuck women" but hinted that neither of them would be particularly upset about fucking each other either. This fic is almost absurdly smutty (but also kinda sweet) in part one, and then part two was so sweet. Like yeah yeah horrible harrowing near death experience yada yada... the STUBBLE SCENE??? The PAIN KINK?? the TOUCHING?? I just about died. And then in part three we get my top all time kink PLUS Din and Ezra and Reader just being so sweet it hurts a little. I am feral for these boys UGH. If you like MMF, read all three parts. If you just like poor pining Din and some insane sex pollen that's a little more MFM than MMF, just read part one. Either way... this fic is insanely good man.

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I could and have recced so many fics. It was very difficult for me for to choose just these five, when the spreadsheet is well over 500 fics now. Check out my Fic Rec Masterlist for a comprehensive list of my recommendations.

[xoxo-ren-xoxo]

4, 7, 13, and 19 for the fanfic writing asks

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

Oh man, you're making me CHOOSE??? This is fucked up and evil actually. Okay. Ugh, there are so many I love... buuut I can probably muster up three currently updating fics. If anyone wants my completed fic recommendations then ask away!

First of all, @angeart 's wonderful(ly evil) Help Me To Breathe, which I have been commenting essays on for a while now. I'm biased because we're friends but this fic does so many things right - it is long but for me it's definitely worth it. How she handles mental health struggles is really poetic whilst remaining grounded, which I appreciate a lot. If you're looking for... 242k words (so far) of scarian angst, this is the fic to check out. It's not finished yet but it is worth waiting for.

Next, @definitelynotshouting 's lost in the dark (he's got a heavy heart) is THE fic that started my obsession with watcher!Grian. It's the fic that inspired my own watcher/listener series (shameless self promo) and it is constantly taking up space in my brain. It is devastatingly sad, but it is about recovery, ultimately, and again I really love how it's being handled so far. Really worth the read.

Finally, @uhohbestie 's There Are Monsters Nearby .... when I say this fic has been living in my head rent free... I mean this fic has been LIVING. THRIVING. in my mind. This is truly classic zombie fiction, where the zombies are kind of second to the relationship drama. I love the explorations of disability in the apocalypse, something I myself have been advocating for in my original writing, and the depictions and emotional beats surrounding cheating, flawed perspectives and jealousy are heartbreaking and so realistic. Wonderful fic. I am in shambles. Please read it.

7. Do you prefer to read short fics or long fics?

My ideal fic seems to be anywhere between 5k and 200k, but then some of my favourites have also been oneshots. I tend to go for any multichapter with more than 1k words per chapter, and any oneshot that takes my interest (though a longer one (5k +) will catch my eye a bit more than a drabble). It's kind of hard for me to tell, because I read a lot of unfinished fics, but I do kind of prefer fics that take months to update but give a 5k + chapter every time... longer *tends* to mean slightly higher quality, but that is not always the case. Agh. I don't know. Every rule can be broken.

13. Do you outline your fics? How much of a headache would someone get if they just looked at an outline of yours without reading the fic?

Yes and no. Multichapters tend to get their own little document for organisation with each chapter broken down into scenes. However, for Comms AU, I quite insanely went into it with no plan or outline. Yes, I am just now getting an outline together. Yes, it is a fic with 5 different timelines happening at once. Yes, I am regretting the lack of plan.

19. Do you edit your fics after you write them, or do you prefer to just hit post and run (because it’s someone else’s problem now)?

I write, then pass at least once (usually twice, sometimes even three times) to edit. My edits usually attempt to flesh out things that feel rushed or don't make sense. My writing is tricky sometimes, I hate writing plainly and that then becomes a weakness when I spend 5 paragraphs describing the texture of the air without actually explaining what's happening. So I try to clean that up. Comms AU gets one edit, usually, because it is just "audio", though with all my fics I sometimes edit as I write - especially if I've taken a break and decide to re-read what I've written.

Thanks for sending these asks! I have discovered that I need to make a longer fic rec post omg...

The ask game!

[frevandrest]

Is there a timeline for Saint-Just’s divorce opinions? I remember him early on writing that it was immoral and then he said a marriage could be separated if the couple didn’t have children in 7? years.

There are only two "phases" that we know of (against then in favour); or, rather, only one source/point when he voiced he was against divorce. This is in his 1791 book "L'esprit de la révolution". In it, SJ says that divorce ruins the social contact, but doesn't elaborate much. I mean, there is an entire chapter about it, but it's a few paragraphs long (half of which are ramblings about Rome and God/religion). I honestly must admit that I don't understand why he argues against. He says that it's against nature. That book aged badly like a week (?) after it was published, because it praised the Constitutional monarchy and then soon after Louis decided to take a trip to Varennes.

So soon after, in "De la Nature", we have SJ arguing pro divorce, and he remained very in favour of it for the rest of his life. Now, we don't know when "De la Nature" was written, but it had to be after "L'esprit" but before September 1792 (when divorce was legalized), because he talks about how divorce should be allowed (implying that it's not yet legal at the time of writing). He said some really based things in "De la Nature" about the rights of women (of which divorce is important aspect) but I need to go through that book to be able to talk about details. As I understand, he talks about how the existence of divorce would ensure independence (I guess as in, autonomy). (I think this independence when it comes to women is a theme he mentions more than once in his writings, though in different contexts). Then in "Les Fragments d'institutions républicaines" (written sometimes in late 1793-early 1794), he talks positively about divorce once again. Although here it is more in practical terms (since it was already legal), so he was writing about the regulations surrounding divorce and the rights of children after divorce.

"he said a marriage could be separated if the couple didn’t have children in 7? years."

Yes, but he does not give this as a condition under which a divorce can happen - he advocated for free divorce without a reason. This note says that a couple that has no children after 7 years is divorced by law and must separate. Like a mandatory divorce in this situation? Which may sound strange, given that he wrote a few paragraphs earlier that "man and a woman who love each other are married" so... what if those childless people love each other, Antoine? (Spoiler: he never explains). So this is really wtf and contradictory and some historians tried to explain it as SJ seeing having children as marriage's only purpose (so if no children = divorce), and idk, maybe? But I don't really see it. SJ generally writes so much about the right of women to decide on their spouse, AND he openly says that a man and a woman who love each other are married and they don't have to tell anyone (they can keep it a secret), unless she gets pregnant, when they must declare it. So he definitely argued for the existence of marriage without children. Which makes this comment about mandatory divorce after 7 years very confusing.

But! Let's not forget that this was 18c century and boy did they love to include things that were happening around them as if those are universal laws (to the point where you can glean people's personal biographies through srs political writing). In this case, we know that Thèrése Gellé left her husband on the 7th anniversary of their marriage (25 July 1793), and they did not have children.

No idea if SJ had any link to Thèrése at the time, but this was a marriage that affected him a lot in 1786 and SJ Never Forgets. And we know he knew of Thèrése's escape to Paris after she left her husband so he definitely knew of this incident (since he was believed to had kidnapped her and/or responsible that she left). So I am positive that this note in the Institutions was inspired by the event, for whatever reason.

[agirlandherquill]

your novels look so interesting.. i wish i could write a whole novel without getting all distracted but ADHD is NOT fair to me unless its 4am and i've got coffee dbehbeudhb. do you have any tips for how to pace yourself and write more than a oneshot before getting bored and/or annoyed with the work? i want to write more than oneshots but it's difficult T T

this is such a good question, thank you for asking it!

okay i'll tackle this in two parts, first, pacing - it's taken me a long time to understand how my brain works, so believe me when i say i've tried many different things to help with pacing (I've had days where I've written nothing at all, or 8,000 words in one day (my personal record, god knows how)), but here's a few things that help me pace my writing:

this may be a little too obvious, but music, anything and everything, try something that fits your mood or the mood of what you're wanting to write and let it be the background to you while you work

write little bits at a time - i call these snippets, and over time the snippets i have for a scene/chapter build up until i have something I'm fairly happy using and then I work to join them together; some days are purely snippet days, or purely snippet hours, where i write until my attention-span or interest in that specific scene/chapter wears out, it often varies, but little bits build up, they are just as equally important to the story/novel/whatever it is that you want to write, so remember that

if you find yourself with a spare moment, or you're struggling to write something - try to plan it instead, make a bullet point list of what you want to happen, even if its just a conversation between characters, a small scene, literally whatever it is that you're doing - forming some kind of structure helps MASSIVELY (it took me forever to realise this, so if the idea of planning is daunting at first - trust me, I know - i've always been torn between being a planner and a pantser when it comes to writing)

movies. pace yourself when writing, take breaks, and watch MOVIES. it's surprised me how many times i've been watching something and been inspired to write, so the second the movie's over i get to work, or i make notes on my laptop/phone/whatever while i'm watching something to deal with it later on

okay now for the next part, writing more than a one shot before getting bored or annoyed with the work - i think every writer has their moments where words anger them, a certain scene, the way something plays out, bugs them, so i wouldn't worry about getting annoyed too much, it happens to us all; as for being bored - I'd say open a second document or something, split the screen between the bit of writing that's boring you, and try to rewrite it, do that until you have something you're fairly happy with (it sounds tedious, i know, but sometimes it really does help - or even switching a scene to a different character's POV)

as for the one-shot part of the question - i tend to treat the chapters of my novel as sort-of one shots within a wider story, each one follows the other in tandem (or if you're up for challenging yourself, separate timelines (I only WISH I had the courage to undertake something like that, maybe I will one day)) so if you know where you want the story to go, treat each chapter as though it is a one-shot if that's what you're comfortable/used to writing, and follow the story and its structure through, piece by piece, sentence by sentence; writing is beautifully challenging and so, so worth it, and you're right, it is difficult - but if you find a way to make the story flow right for your brain, it gets easier over time and you can create a much larger, more detailed, even more eventful story - aka, a novel, or at least what my personal perception of a novel is - of course it varies, and that's what is so wonderful about stories, they're yours, and only you can tell them - so remember that, always - that's what gets me through the roughest patches when i'm struggling with writing,

(emphasis on much larger for me - my current draft is sitting at 212k words and counting, i shock myself every time i open the doc, but that's just how my story ended up growing - it took a long, long time to get where it is now)

i hope this answer helps you, even a little, and if you have any more questions please ask away - this made me think and consider my own writing process, which is super helpful!

p. s. i know you're anonymous, whoever you are, but if you ever want someone to read anything you're writing, anything at all, let me know! i love getting to see what other people write - it also inspires me to write more, and share more of my work too!

once again, thank you so much for asking, I've really enjoyed writing this letter (cough, post, whatever you like to call it, i like the idea of a letter, but that's just me)

~ A Girl And Her Quill

[suspendingtime]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

I've been tagged by @stars-of-kyber and @andthebubbles. 😁 So although I feel barely qualified, I guess I best do this...

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

7. 🤗

I started about 2 months ago, so... and yes, they're all Kanthony. Initially just started as a way of contributing to Anthony Week 2023, and I didn't even expect that I'd actually do all 7 days.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

13,370.

Currently ranging at 661 to 3,779 per fic. Rookie numbers!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

So far, just my beloved Bridgerton.

But there have been a couple other shows that have tempted me...

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Astride  - 166

Nursery  - 118

Hunt - 105

Yours - 94

Temptation - 88

Having published a handful with various ratings, it's quite interesting to see the kudos, bookmarks (private vs public), and subs ratios! Much to think about.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes.

Why... I sort of have a need? Idk, when I see a comment it's hard to just leave it hanging there and not to reply. Like irl if someone looked at something I made and verbally commented on it... and I just stared back blankly not saying anything. 😐 This is how it feels to me on the receiving end at least haha. And my replies saying various forms of 'Thank you!' is probably quite repetitive, but hey ho.

Plus comments give you that lil hit of dopamine; from both povs as a writer or reader. Being on the reader side for most of my Ao3 activities I tend to comment on most of fics I read, I can't help it - I must tell you what I loved about it and why, and there's a pleasure in reciprocating that back too. Look, now I've written half an essay on the subject, gaaah. (I've not been on Ao3 as much as I'd like to recently, and because I opened it to scoop out the stats for some of the questions above I can now see that I have some unreads... and the need is happening.)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm *thinking really hard*, I don't think any of them have an ending that is all that angsty. If I had to choose, maybe Temptation?

The pattern I've shown so far in my posted works is that it's gonna be 90% fluff. Though that is liable to change. 😆

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably Nursery?

I'm not sure, cause they've all ended on a pretty optimistic note so far. But that one has Kate and Anthony with a few of their kids, so it's the furthest on the Kanthony HEA timeline.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet...

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Ummm 👀 I may have dabbled in some smut.

What kind... hm, the kind where both people are panting for each other, and end up caving because they literally can't hold their horniness in anymore (this totally explains why I went feral for Bridgerton S2, ha). Another pattern I seem to have is making Anthony a submissive man puddle.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not yet, but I do have some crack ideas I may explore.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, I very much doubt it.

How often does this happen to people?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No. I'd certainly be all for it if anyone ever wanted to translate any works of mine. 😊

If I was proficient enough to write in other languages, then I would probably try publishing the different versions from the get go.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Kinda?

Nothing formal, but there was a lengthy comment thread on Reddit some months ago where myself and another user went back and forth re-writing the script for that stormy library scene 😅 (not so much re-writing what was already there, bar the last few lines, more of a continuation in a universe where Kate hadn't fled).

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Must I even answer this? Kanthony, c'mon now.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

There's only 1 work that I have, where I've actually started a chapter 2. And I have all the faith that I will finish it. ✍️🤓

Other potential WIPs, that are currently just posted as one shots, only exist in my head... who knows if they will see the light of day.

16. What are your writing strengths?

This question feels illegal to be asked.

I have no idea, I'm very new to this whole writing thing. At least in terms of fiction, so I'm not sure what I'd consider my strengths to be. I feel like I need some more practice before I can get a real sense of this?

I would say that dialogue usually comes very quickly to me, and it's having to fill in the bits around it that takes more brain muscles. So that might indicate something.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Everything apart from the answer to the question above.

But really I think it's remembering that there is a world outside of the main couple happening, and trying to describe the details there. Also other general 'setting the scene' stuff like clothing, weather etc etc. I usually just want to jump straight in with some random dialogue.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

On writing it... no thoughts; not done it yet!

If I needed to for some unknown fic reason in the future, I'm sure I'll be apologising profusely in the author notes for trusting Google translate and probably butchering whatever language it is.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Still just the one so far, Bridgerton. 😌

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Hunt 🥺🥹 I was a lot of feels, and just very indulgent tbh.

I also really enjoyed my shortest one, Obedient, which was in 2nd person (hadn't done that before). The writing of that one was just really fun and I idky but I've reread it quite a bit!

__________________________________________________

I'm woefully looking at my Ao3 bookmarks (which has grown exponentially since joining Tumblr), full of things that I've not got round to reading yet. So I'm tagging partly based on stuff hanging out on top of that pile: @islemeadow, @ladykettlechips, @hydriotaphia, @eleanor-bradstreet, and the smut aunties @colettebronte & @fayes-fics 😋 (if y'all wanna do it, ofc. I tried to find those who hadn't been tagged/done it yet, sorry if you've actually already done this and I've just not found it).

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia!

I hope you are resting and getting the time you need. Please answer this on your own time, no rush from me. Go nap and sit in the sunshine and have a nice walk.

Apologies if this has been asked before. I’m just starting my first re read of FFS and am so impressed, first by your writing/character development, and then second by the huge change in Ef from the beginning to the end of FFS. How long is that? Less than a year? Do you think is this the most improvement or development Efnisien has undergone in his treatment, in this short period of time we get to know him? I know Dr. Gary remarks that the work Efnisien has done is noteworthy, but I’m curious about the work Ef did in the those 3 years before FFS. Just improvements of a different kind?

thank you kindly!

Hi anon!

and then second by the huge change in Ef from the beginning to the end of FFS. How long is that?

I don't know exactly! I don't generally track timelines. I think it's close to but not quite a year.

But there's time skips and other chapters that are told quite close together, so I don't actually know.

Do you think is this the most improvement or development Efnisien has undergone in his treatment, in this short period of time we get to know him?

This one's hard to quantify.

I feel like Dr Gary would say it's the period of time that has the most obvious quality of life breakthroughs, but that every period of time was significant, because each one was so vitally important.

Getting Efnisien to start talking to another therapist again, within Hillview, a place he was sexually assaulted, and to another therapist, when he was sexually assaulted by a therapist, is itself a huge, massive breakthrough on its own. Nothing could happen without that. And while it took 'longer' chronologically and might not look as momentous to us, I think for a character like Dr Gary, he knows that moment took so much bravery and courage from Efnisien, amongst his abject terror and hatred, that he still probably gets a pang in his chest when he thinks about this non-verbal kid who goes from complete mutinous frightened silence, to one day just starting to talk again.

And I'm sure if I'd written all of that in the style of FFS, it actually would have felt like Efnisien was having a lot of different kinds of breakthroughs even back then - to sit in the same room as Dr Gary, to storm out less, to reflect on the possibility of opening up again, to swim through the worst of his intrusive thoughts to try and see a point in fighting for himself again etc.

I think what Dr Gary finds so surprising about the course of Efnisien's treatment in general is how fast all of it has gone, and how committed Efnisien has been to it. Like, yes, Efnisien experiences a lot of growth in a short period of time, but that's because he did a lot of growth in the years preceding as well.

It's hard to quantify overall. The changes Efnisien makes in FFS matter the most to us and seem the most momentous because we're with him during those changes, and because they positively impact his quality of life the most. But I suspect Dr Gary would be more cautious about saying it's the year he had 'the most' growth, so I'm going to be cautious today too. :D

I know Dr. Gary remarks that the work Efnisien has done is noteworthy, but I’m curious about the work Ef did in the those 3 years before FFS. Just improvements of a different kind?

You can actually see the kind of work that Dr Gary and Efnisien were doing together previously in Efnisien's flashbacks to those sessions, or when he recollects those sessions. You'll notice when you reread that there's actually quite a lot of times where Efnisien thinks back to his early sessions in Hillview with Dr Gary, and how they progressed from him being non-verbal, to him eventually starting to talk but being very angry and hostile, to him learning that talking is actually worthwhile.

So in a way, the answers will be there when you reread! If you missed them the first time, hopefully you can enjoy them the second time. :D

[1eos]

your manager needs to calm down... in an alternate universe it would be so funny if you dragged in a rocking chair to your desk. like what is she gonna say now. its honestly a testament to your work ethic that she can only complain about your posture LMAO. sounds like she is reallyyyyy digging deep for reasons to get angry.

but onto my real question. mx kendra when you are developing your original story, what process do you go about designing characters + outlining plot, etc? is it in random bits and pieces or do you try to plan it out chronologically? im not very talented at constructing stories but i do have a few OCs and ideas, but i feel overwhelmed by the idea of planning everything out. i know i ultimately need to sit down and write but i would love some advice or insight if you have any! thank you!

her head would fucking explode if i brought in a rocking chair lmaooooooooooooooooooooooo 😭😭😭😭 and she's scraping the bottom of the barrel and she knows it bc some ppl got 1 on 1 meetings abt their vagues and she couldn't even do it to me bc it would sound so silly to tell someone to sit still

but omg planning a whole story is SO overwhelming. i developed all my stuff in bits and pieces so trying to organize everything has been so daunting BUT not too long ago i became determined to get everything down and i found some youtube videos that really got me together. im doing a comic and struggled with taking the oc lore in my head and merging it into the chronological story i want to tell. bc i have sooooooo much background on a character but that background may not come out until way later in the story u know? and then bc my lore is in prose but the final content would be visual right? so i did some digging and stumbled upon this video!

basically her process is writing everything down in a story format. like just write every detail that comes to mind then create ANOTHER document where u take your prose and start breaking it down into a script like format adding in a bunch of visuals u want and THEN you storyboard from the script. it made a lot of stuff click

and then i edited the process to work for me as someone who's super scattered w my lore. so what im doing now is taking where i want my story to start and just writing. and as each character or story detail is introduced i go to a special section of the document called notes and write out a random bit of lore associated with that. and i'll even write out future events i know i want to happen so when i get to them in the actual chronological story prose i can take what ive already written and insert it into the timeline

so for example when as im following one stream of conscious as to how i want the first chapter to open and i get to an oc's introduction i bold the oc's name and then make a section where i then dump all of the character history that bounces around in my head. and then i go back to the chronological story. and another thing that's helped is when im plotting my story when two characters have an interaction or a character has an interaction w something important that explains a bit of their character i write a breakdown on that moment in that point in time.

for the longest ive tried to do everything chronologically and only write something down once it comes up in the timeline but im accepting that it is NOT the best way for me to work 😭😭😭😭but its been soooooo nice to let myself run free. i'll write out a character's whole backstory in my random tidbit document and then sprinkle it in bit by bit in the chronological timeline document

and it really helps stave away the feelings of being overwhelmed/pressure to be perfectly organized as u write on the first go. ik my process is specifically for comics but even if ure writing a novel maybe this can be of some help 💖