#so basically all the non-romantic moments

[vidavalor]

Hello lovely! I'm wondering if you have any thoughts about Maggie in Final1 5? Isn't it weird that she wants to go back to talk to Az and Crowley while Nina's working? Something about it feels off to me.

Hello right back. 💕 There's chamomile mint tea and shortbread since we're on a Maggie theme, if you'd like some. Maggie's behavior from that scene on is super fucking weird, I agree.

Before the milk run-- when Maggie becomes the only involved character whom we lose track of a bit during The Final 15-- versus how she behaves when she returns is so strange as to be something that I consider maybe additional proof that things are not at all what they seem to be in The Final 15.

On Maggie and Crowley's weird Final 15 behavior, a possible meaning to all the allusions to robbery in S2, and what Maggie and Nina might be able to tell us about what happened at the end of S2.

TW: brief mentions of show's non-consensual possession/rape analogy.

Think for a moment about how truly weird Maggie's request for her and Nina to go back to the bookshop in that moment actually is...

It's only been a matter of minutes since Maggie and Nina were basically hostages in the bookshop who were almost killed by Michael and Saraqael. Crowley saved their lives in getting them out of the shop maybe, what? It's been a minute since I rewatched that bit of it but it couldn't have been more than 15 minutes prior?

The beings in the shop but for Maggie and Nina are supernatural and so left magically without using the door but while we the audience know that these people are no longer in the shop because we were watching it, Maggie and Nina do not know that. When Maggie suggests to Nina that they go talk to Crowley and Aziraphale, they have no way of knowing if the beings that just tried to kill them are still in the shop. They didn't even see Aziraphale leave with Whoever Derek Jacobi Is Playing yet because Nina was all "where's the other one?" to Crowley when they arrived back in the shop.

Maggie is literally like: Nina, I know you opened the business you own late and are the only one working right now and have a line of 20 people waiting for their morning, pre-work coffee but what if-- just hear me out-- we just made them wait an indefinite amount of time to voluntarily go back into the place where we nearly died a matter of minutes ago that could still be full of the people who wanted us dead and we did this for no other purpose than just to tell off my beloved adopted godfather and his partner, who just risked harm to save both our lives? And to maybe then also stick our noses into their love lives in return or something?

I mean... WHAT?!?! lol

Consider, even, how even more weird that is when Maggie, just *prior* to having gone to the mini-mart, had never been more on the same page with Nina and never more understanding?

She sacrificed her own want to go sleep behind the counter of her shop to offer to help Nina. It's a big moment of change in their relationship and shows a lot of growth for Maggie. She's gone from someone who is caring but has a tendency to only think about how things make her feel to seeing things from Nina's perspective. She's matured through the season into being someone more ready to be a partner to Nina. Maggie offering to help Nina with her morning rush-- and Nina accepting the help-- is the sweet, romantic moment showing that these two are heading in a positive direction, both individually and together.

When Maggie gets back with the milk, though? After she's been out of our sight for a few minutes? She's behaving very differently.

During S2, Maggie is shown to be a pretty guileless character. She might have the occasional judgemental moment but she's not deceptive or tricky and she really wouldn't hurt a fly. When Maggie comes back from the milk run, though, her insistence on Nina dropping everything and going with her in that moment is not just weird behavior but manipulative in a way that could not be more out of character for Maggie.

Nina has been in an abusive relationship where she was afraid of displeasing Lindsay. Maggie is aware of this, as it's been the subject of multiple conversations between them throughout the season. So, when Maggie gets so bizarrely insistent on Nina dropping her work-- her livelihood, her purpose, her job-- to meet Maggie's demands in that moment? When this isn't an emergency of any kind and isn't at all time-sensitive and there is no objective reason why Nina should be halting her job to do what Maggie wants in this moment? Maggie is being controlling in a Lindsay-like way. She keeps at it, knowing that Nina will give in and agree to go with her because Nina is used to doing that with her partner.

Nina hesitates and isn't sure whether or not to go with Maggie for a moment and I don't really blame her? This is the complete opposite behavior to Maggie before she left for the mini-mart. Maggie is suddenly acting quite a lot like her polar opposite-- the Lucifer-and-Heaven-paralleling Lindsay.

Maggie is also literally on Nina's shoulder like a devil the whole time in the scene in which she's convincing her to step away from the shop and go across the street with her to the other shop for a chat and...

...listen to what we just said there...

...it's a parallel to the thing that Whoever Derek Jacobi Is Playing is doing with Aziraphale, is it not?

So, what happened on the milk run?

Who did Maggie run into at the mini-mart that we couldn't see in the ending of S2 without it giving the game away? I wouldn't be surprised if, on this mirror-happy show, on the other side of learning in S3 that it was The Devil with the coffee in the bookshop in The Final 15, we also had a scene that showed that, while on her milk run, Maggie had a run-in with Sister Teresa's killer.

Did Hastur possess Maggie as part of Satan's plan? Was the idea to use Maggie and Nina to further trip Crowley and Aziraphale towards disaster to get Aziraphale? If so, it kind of half-worked. I'm not convinced that anything Maggie and Nina said to Crowley really mattered-- I think they weren't telling him anything he didn't already know or feel and that it's largely misdirection for the audience. What was effective, though, was the impression Aziraphale got upon seeing them leave as he was coming in.

Maggie and Nina being back in there at this weird time and then rushing out with smiles and comments like that they were "just leaving" and they were sure Crowley and Aziraphale had "a lot to discuss" seem to have led Aziraphale to assume that Crowley had asked them to come back and to the conclusion that he must have done so to tell them of his intent to ask Aziraphale to marry him. It's Maggie and Nina leaving the shop that reinforce to Aziraphale the idea that, when Crowley stands up afterwards, takes off his glasses, and says he supposes he has "something to say", that Crowley is only trying to communicate a proposal and not a plan.

It's what helps-- big time-- to lead Aziraphale to not listen for a shred of coded language for the entire scene. Neither he nor Crowley are listening for that with one another, which is why neither of them can truly understand what the other is saying, but Aziraphale's part of that is really fucked to Hell by the presence of Maggie and Nina in the shop when he came back. That's all pretty suspicious since Maggie was out of our sight for a few moments and came back fixated on the idea that she and Nina needed to go to the bookshop right that very moment and that it couldn't wait.

The Final 15 is a dark parallel to The Baby Swap plot and Maggie and Nina are full of shadows of Sisters Mary and Teresa to a point that the final shots of both of them in the series are mirror images of the final shots of their S1 characters. Nina looking through glass at Crowley departing is the last shot of Sister Mary both in 2008 and 2019, while Maggie's last shot?

To me, it's one of the most eerie moments in the entire series because of how much it visually resembles Sister Teresa's death.

Basically two minutes after we hear about The Second Coming... in the same season where Maggie and Nina's partial-vavoom gives way to a (possessed?) Gabriel saying: the dead will leave their graves and walk the Earth once more... we are shown Crowley and Aziraphale's apparent adopted goddaughter unresponsive on the counter of her shop.

Is Maggie dead?

Is Maggie asleep, like we were led to believe she wanted to do earlier in the episode? Maybe. Is she comatose/unconscious? Maybe. It's just that, best I can tell, she does not take a breath during the shot which I feel had to be intentional on the part of Maggie Service, and she's in the same position as we last saw Sister Teresa in S1...

Then, there's the robbery theme and how Maggie and Nina foreshadow so much of the end of S2 back in this scene here:

In Good Omens, the shop is the character. Maggie is, symbolically, the records she sells. The show also explains that Maggie's shop used to be a part of the bookshop. Now, there are three characters, not two, who are A.Z. Fell & Co.: Aziraphale, Crowley and Maggie. At the same time, Aziraphale is also The Small Back Room. The shops are intertwined as the characters are, essentially, family in the story. The fate of one is the fate of the other, which makes what Maggie and Nina foreshadow when talking about Maggie's shop while trapped together in Nina's not just the fate of Maggie's shop in S2 but also of the bookshop.

Maggie says that if she can't close the door to her shop, someone could walk in and take records. Maggie is the records she sells so, symbolically, this means someone could take Maggie. We got a bit of a preview of that when Shax appeared to get into her mind during the attack on the bookshop and Maggie also became the one who unintentionally "let the robbers in."

These robbers, Maggie frets... they could empty her till-- take all her money on a literal level... take her mind, or maybe even her life, on another. (Not to mention the now chill-inducing use of money-related words and coins with regards to the paralleling Crowley...) These robbers could take forcible ownership of Maggie's shop-- so, of Maggie. Maggie's shop was born of the bookshop... so, they could take forcible ownership of the bookshop, too.

Not just the physical bookshop, though that, too. The symbolic bookshop. Which is not only Aziraphale but Crowley and Aziraphale.

But, if The Small Back Room was originally part of the bookshop, then the bookshop really isn't just Crowley and Aziraphale-- it's Crowley, Aziraphale and Maggie.

If the robbers come for the bookshop, they've also come for The Small Back Room because it is all born of the same, symbolic shop.

Is that what they did?

Is that why Maggie is last shown to us non-responsive in her shop?

Now, Nina's even more foreshadowing reply:

Nina said that, if she owned a record shop, she'd be more concerned about "someone breaking in and leaving more records behind."

What are records? They're the literal records in the musical and old film sense that Maggie sells, yes, and also Maggie herself. They're also books, like what Aziraphale sells, and Aziraphale himself. But they're also a third thing that's very much of note in S2.

They're also the life's work of a scrivener, like what Muriel does.

Nina foreshadows someone breaking in and leaving "more records behind"... which is exactly what happens in The Final 15.

Elspeth's graverobbing. Bildad stealing Job and Sitis' wine and food. The 1810 Clerkenwell Diamond Robbery. Aziraphale having the missing Shakespeare Robin Hood play in the box in 2.06. The robbery-based fantasy Aziraphale was telling Crowley in Lockdown: ...the other night, when a couple of young lads broke into the back and tried to steal the cash(cache)box!

The Final 15 is a robbery.

The last two episodes see the shop attacked during The Meeting Ball and into the next morning. Aziraphale is robbed blind of his entire life. Characters are taken hostage. Signals for help are tried and fail. The cop, it turns out, was a stooge for the robbers. Whoever Derek Jacobi Is Playing broke in through the open door and robbed the place blind, as Maggie foreshadowed. As Nina foreshadowed he would, what did the robber leave behind?

More records. Muriel.

To rob, as we know, is to steal. It's to plunder or strip a place from someone through force and/or violence. That is why it was once, in addition to being descriptive of physical goods stolen from a person, also a word that was used for rape, for which non-consensual possession has been analogous since the show's first episode. That is why some of us think that the music goes insane on the look to Crowley in the scene below. Satan is robbing Crowley-- forcing him to identify him as The Metatron to Aziraphale and the angels and to let Aziraphale go alone with him.

Satan attacked Crowley in front of Aziraphale and, while Aziraphale pretended he didn't see it, he did, which is why he led "The Metatron" straight out the door in an effort to get him away from Crowley. Because, speaking of characters behaving very weirdly... anyone have a better explanation for why guard dog Crowley sat in that chair like he couldn't get out of it and encouraged Aziraphale to go alone with a guy who once tried to kill them? It just doesn't make any sense unless his words are not really his own and there's only one character we've seen do that to him.

And if Crowley's not the only one behaving out of character, then what else happened to Maggie at the mini-mart but something similar?

What happened in The Final 15? Satan robbed the bookshop.

He and The Metatron don't give a toss about the shop itself and plan to destroy it alongside everything else once Armageddon gets rocking. They're there to get Crowley and Aziraphale out of the way for Armageddon by dividing and conquering. Just because we've yet to see blood doesn't mean this wasn't robbery by force.

Satan took hostages at the start-- letting the ones go he didn't care about go and keeping the ones most likely to influence the shop's owner: Crowley and Muriel.

Satan and The Metatron sacrificed Muriel to their plan, not caring if Muriel explodes along with the shop when they kick off Armageddon a matter of *checks watch* basically any minute now after S2. We think Muriel is better off in the shop at the end of S2 but I'm not totally sure they are. I think it actually might be one of the most dangerous places to be in right now. The bookshop didn't burn down this time-- it was burned as safe space in every possible way. It's a crime scene.

The Metatron and Satan are here for revenge. The Metatron is letting Satan have Aziraphale to get Crowley and Aziraphale out of the way for Armageddon. There is no real job offer-- it's all Satan tempting Aziraphale into falling. Satan's revenge on Crowley and Aziraphale is to force Crowley to help him take Aziraphale right out from under his nose. That's the start of it, anyway.

Besides Armageddon and daring to have a relationship and a sense of self outside of the demonic collective of Hell what is Satan really pissed at Crowley and Aziraphale about?

His kid. Adam. Crowley and Aziraphale helping Adam against him.

If Satan has been lying in wait, still very, very angry at Crowley and Aziraphale for turning his son against him and if he's now here for revenge, then who else besides Aziraphale is then most in peril here?

Yes, my Job-and-Sitis-paralleling poppet... your big, cross duck and your kids are most imperiled here and S2 showed us that your kids are not just humanity writ large but, specifically, Maggie. The Small Back Room is of the bookshop that is you and Crowley. Maggie is your Adam. Will Satan come after your daughter? It's a concept posed in your paralleling/foreshadowing story earlier in the season... actually, it was also the entire plot of that paralleling story earlier in the season as well...

I feel like not going with Ennon and Keziah's theories on Satan's behavior is probably the best way to form a Good Omens theory 😂 so I'll stick with the idea that Satan very much would dare leave a revenge body count of Crowley and Aziraphale's adopted kids, as the Job minisode proved he'd do even with the spawn of "God's favorite human", let alone anybody else.

As, speaking of foreshadowing lines, this is really even more S2 than it was about S1:

Satan will even have a whole pseudo-philosophical chat about it with you first, amused that he's standing in a place called Give Me Coffee or Give Me Death and ordering a coffee while the plan is likely for this place, the women making him the coffee, and everyone on this street and on most of the planet to be dead by tomorrow.

Maggie is the only character who actually asked for coffee using that exact word in S2.

[tgcg]

candid detail. my biggest project so far

hey happy new year

CG: DAVE?

TG: yeah?

CG: SOMETHING’S KIND OF FUCKING ME UP RIGHT NOW AND I NEED TO TELL YOU SPECIFICALLY ABOUT IT IN CANDID DETAIL.

TG: oh shit

===

TG: yeah whats up

TG: not too often i get to be the sole audience to karkats grievances

CG: PFF, BULLSHIT. YOU'RE PRIVY TO WAY MORE ABOUT MY GRIEVANCES THAN BASICALLY ANY OF MY SURVIVING AND PRESENT FRIENDS, BY A SIGNIFICANT MARGIN, AND YOU KNOW IT.

TG: yeah and im boutta add another im like broses up on that hill bundled up in a long ass list of things that make the homies upset

TG: lay it on me

===

CG: OKAY. SO.

…

CG: I’M KIND OF THINKING ABOUT JUST. US AND OUR BRO-DOM.

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TG: oh

CG: LET ME FINISH.

CG: ALL THIS TIME I’VE BEEN FUCKING FORCED TO SPEND IN THE DREAM BUBBLES MADE ME REALISE SOMETHING, AND THAT’S THAT…

===

CG: THIS IS KIND OF RARE, RIGHT?

TG: what

TG: us

CG: YEAH! LIKE… THERE’S SO MANY THANKFULLY DEAD KARKATS I’VE HAD THE INSURMOUNTABLE GODDAMN DISPLEASURE OF FAILING TO AVOID THAT DON’T LIKE YOU, BARELY MET YOU, OR EVEN JUST DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU.

===

CG: IT’S THE RARE AMBIVALENCE THAT REALLY GETS TO ME. I ABSOLUTELY UNDERSTAND A TIMELINE’S KARKAT FIRMLY DECIDING THAT THEY HATE YOUR ASS. NON-ROMANTICALLY I MEAN. THAT HAS BEEN ME, FOR FUCK’S SAKE. BUT THERE WAS NEVER, EVER!!! A POINT WHERE I JUST FELT NOTHING ABOUT YOU AT ALL.

CG: EVEN WHEN I INITIALLY HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF SEEING YOUR DOUCHEBAG SPECTACLES YOU GOT FROM YOUR BRO ON THE SCREEN, I AT LEAST HAD A STARTER DISH OF SKEWERED CONTEMPT TO WHET MY APPETITE. IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO IMAGINE NOT FEELING ONE WAY OR ANOTHER ABOUT YOU.

===

CG: ONE TIME I MENTIONED YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF A THREE-WAY ARGUMENT AND ONE OF THE OTHER KARKATS SAID "WHO?"

CG: "WHO?"!!!!

TG: now thats fucked up

CG: IT IS! AND THAT'S WHAT MADE ME FIRST REALISE THAT NOT EVERY KARKAT IS GETTING TO HANG OUT WITH EVERY DAVE, AND VICE VERSA. AND THIS IS GOING TO SOUND LAME AS SHIT IN A WAY THAT I’LL NEVER EVER LIVE DOWN, BUT. I FEEL BAD FOR THEM ABOUT IT! YOU KNOW?

===

TG: well you always feel bad about around and towards other yous so thats

TG: wait

TG: is or is not the nature of this moment of self-pity fuelled by malice anger disgust or any similar terms slash phrases

CG: I MEAN, FOR ONCE? DON’T GET ME WRONG, THE MALICE ANGER DISGUST ET CETERA IS STILL THOROUGHLY PERMEATING THE WHOLE ORDEAL. THE DAY I LOSE CONTEMPT FOR MY ALTERNATE SELVES IS THE DAY I GET TAKEN OUT BACK AND PUT DOWN LIKE THE LAME HOOFBEAST I’VE ALWAYS DREAMT OF BEING. BUT…

CG: I ACTUALLY JUST FEEL SAD FOR THEM, STRAIGHT UP. INDEPENDENT FROM TERMS PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED.

===

TG: damn

CG: AND THAT FEELS INCREDIBLY WEIRD TOO. I CAN’T EVEN ARGUE WITH THEM ABOUT IT, IT JUST MAKES ME FEEL THIS SHITTY, SHOCKINGLY QUIET… GRIEF? ALMOST? FOR THEM. GENERAL NON-TROLLIAN FEELINGS. AND EXCEPTIONALLY NON-STANDARD IN A KARKAT-TO-KARKAT CONVERSATION, AS YOU MIGHT HAVE GUESSED.

CG: BUT I KNOW IF I TOLD ANY OTHER EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED REFLECTION OF MY OWN FECULENT INNER FILTH TO TALK TO YOU, OR EVEN JUST LOOK AT YOU ONE TIME, THEY’D ONLY SEE IT AS ANOTHER PERSONAL AFFRONT. LIKE I JUST TOLD THEM "HEY, SHIT ALL OVER YOUR FROND AND SNIFF IT, IT’LL BE AMAZING JUST TRUST ME, ABSOLUTELY ZERO REASON NOT TO."

===

TG: you come up with the most potent mental images man youre the wordmeister of viscerally gross as hell vocab

CG: THANK YOU.

===

CG: AND LIKE… SHIT, I DEFINITELY WOULD’VE FELT THAT WAY BEFORE I GOT TO KNOW YOU! I UNDERSTAND THE INNER MACHINATIONS OF THOSE IMBECILIC NOOKSTAINS BETTER THAN ANYONE EVER COULD, DESPITE MY BEST EFFORTS.

CG: KARKATS UNIVERSALLY DECIDING THAT THEY JUST CANNOT LIKE YOU ON PRINCIPLE IS A CRISIS OF SHIT HAPPENSTANCES. THE HAPPENINGS ARE ALL OUT OF WACK, COSMICALLY.

CG: LIKE EVERY ME WRITHED OUR WAY OUT OF THE BROODING CAVERNS AND THE FIRST CONSTELLATION WE SAW PEELING THROUGH THE EXOSPHERE, TWINKLING IN THE REFLECTION OF OUR HUGE RED GANDERBULBS, WAS A PAIR OF SHADES GETTING COVERED IN GASOLINE, FOLLOWED BY A CONSTELLATION OF A LIT MATCH.

CG: A SIMPLE EQUATION WITH A VERY SIMPLE SOLUTION.

CG: A SYSTEMIC EPIDEMIC, IF YOU’LL PARDON MY BULLSHIT.

===

TG: it is a goddamn catastrophe sweeping the karkat population

TG: presidents on the headlines trying to get karkats everywhere to stop quarantining their asses and have a real heart to heart among themselves about the issue but they keep isolating anyways

CG: I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL A PRESIDENT IS. YOU’VE FAILED TO DESCRIBE IT AS ANYTHING MORE THAN A POORLY-SELECTED "DUDE CONDESCE" WHO DOES NOTHING PRODUCTIVE AND THEN EITHER DIES OR RUINS EVERYTHING, OR SOME CHAOTIC COMBINATION OF THE TWO.

TG: well that is exactly what it is but wait good point

===

TG: tragedy strikes as the karkat population reveals it doesnt generally know what a president even is so it means jack shit to them that this dude is trying to get their attention

TG: and mr president he is getting voted the fuck out of office over this blunder just an embarrassing display

TG: the public trust has plummeted off the fucking chart and cratered the damn ground like a meteor

TG: or he could be the tenth to die in office yknow there was a pretty big stretch of no in-office deaths til 2009 so maybe some catchup would be good for everyone

CG: ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU WANT TO MAKE ANOTHER PRESIDENT, AND THEN KILL HIM?

TG: not me personally i just wanna be there and see it also is that dream bubble fucking huge or what

TG: must be the size of

===

TG: jupiter

===

TG: look all im saying is the end of the world coincided pretty notably with a dry spell in the presidential kill:death ratio

TG: i was tragically too busy not dying to see obama die live on television when an errant meteor hit the white house that was my one chance

CG: PFFFT.

TG: i want to keep a comically aloof finger on the pulse of the shit but i do not want to be among the shit

TG: but anyways guess its my turn on the pedestal

CG: BE MY FUCKING GUEST.

===

TG: yknow uh im not gonna lie if present me went back to me age thirteen sippin my dubious aj in my pre-apocalyptic layer of hell that was texas and told me

TG: hey that gray text dude is probably gonna be your best friend if you give him a shot yall could be sweet bros in real life itll be awesome

TG: i mean disregarding the fact i already doomed that guy because i dont remember that happening to me

TG: id probably be casting some wicked aspersions on that shit

===

TG: our whole friendship feels like a plot twist to my damn life story

CG: I HEAR YOU.

TG: its like our narratives bumped into each other hard on the street and decided yknow what yeah this pavement is pretty cosy lets talk about your dad

TG: but

===

TG: dont get your think pans too wrapped up in that different timeline stuff

CG: IT’S THINK PAN. SINGULAR. NOBODY HAS MORE THAN ONE THINK PAN, EVER. IT IS A SINGULAR ORGAN. IF YOU WOULD LET ME READ A TROLL BIOLOGY BOOK TO YOU ONE TIME WE’D STOP BUMPING INTO THIS ISSUE.

TG: gotcha and no

CG: OBVIOUSLY.

TG: but anyways dude look

===

TG: i am literally a time dude and i can tell you right now with all the sage wisdome of my knightitudes

TG: not a good way of looking at it

TG: ive met daves that didnt like you either it doesnt affect jack or shit because those daves arent me

TG: like they are in a way but

TG: me and all those other guys spent the whole game honing down these doomed timelines to a fine point and that point has obviously involved a whole lot of hanging out with you

CG: …

===

TG: so

TG: maybe they just missed the point while you and me were on the breaking edge of that shit

TG: we got to the bottom line of it so it doesnt matter yknow

CG: HUH.

===

TG: and i mean plus

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TG: ive seen a handful of alternate daves and karkats who get along uh great apparently so

TG: yknow

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CG: WHAT?

TG: you know what i fucking mean im not saying it

CG: ROLLING YOUR SHOULDERS AND SAYING "yknow" GENERALLY DOESN’T CONVEY FUCKING ANYTHING MEANINGFUL IN A CONVERSATION, DAVE.

CG: I’M NOT A PSYCHIC. YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO TELL ME WHAT YOU MEAN. IN CANDID DETAIL.

TG: its besides the point anyways

===

TG: the point is its you right here that matters overall and you right here is chilling with me so thats gotta mean at least one or two things

CG: OKAY, OKAY, YEAH… I GET WHAT YOU’RE SAYING. I REALLY DIDN’T THINK ABOUT IT LIKE THAT.

CG: YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND BY NOW HOW IT’D BE REALLY FUCKING DIFFICULT FOR ME TO WRAP MY THINK PAN AROUND THE CONCEPT OF ME BEING THE RIGHT VERSION OF ANYTHING.

CG: BUT I FEEL LIKE THE AMOUNT OF TIME WE'VE SPENT TOGETHER CUMULATIVELY IN THIS TIMELINE MAKES UP FOR THE AMOUNT OF DAVES AND KARKATS WHO NEVER SPENT ANY AT ALL, BY AT LEAST TENFOLD.

===

TG: heh yeah

HAHAH.

===

CG: GOD. WHO WOULD’VE GUESSED THAT KARKAT VANTAS WOULD GET TOO FAR INTO HIS OWN THINK PAN ABOUT THIS BULLSHIT, RIGHT?

TG: stop repeating the words think and pan i get it already

CG: ARE YOU SURE? TOTALLY SURE? ABSOLUTELY ASSFUCK CERTAIN OF YOURSELF?

TG: yes dude

CG: ALRIGHT. KEEP IN MIND THIS WILL BE ON THE TEST LATER.

TG: im acing that shit i swear to god youre gonna eat your damn foot

CG: STRUT POD

TG: when i pass that shit to oblivion

TG: youre gonna regret doubting me

CG: OKAY, DAVE. THEN EXPLAIN TO ME WITH ALL YOUR SAGE WISDOME: WHAT IS A "LUMPSQUIRT"? AND REALLY, TAKE YOUR TIME THINKING ABOUT THIS. GOD KNOWS WE'VE GOT MOMENTS A-FUCKING-PLENTY TO SPARE.

TG: as the literal god of time in your local area i sure as hell do

CG: GO ON THEN.

===

TG: …

TG: pass

CG: EXACTLY.

CG: ANYWAYS, I’M STILL GOING TO GO AROUND FEELING ANOTHER LAYER OF PITY FOR THOSE GRAY BULGEMUNCHERS THAT DON’T GET TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU. NOT THAT ANYTHING ANY KARKAT COULD FUCKING DO WOULD EVER MAKE THEM DESERVING OF IT, BUT THAT’S ANOTHER CAN OF DIRT NOODLES ENTIRELY.

TG: yeah i feel bad for anyone who isnt buddy-buddy with the david stri too

CG: OF COURSE YOU DO. I’M GLAD WE’RE ON THE SAME PAGE HERE.

===

TG: but also

TG: any dave who missed out on a slice of the realest homes in paradox space is a tragedy in my eyes

CG: Y--

TG: let me finish

TG: i just dont let it get to me so much cus… first of all ive been having to not let time shit get to me this whole damn game but also

TG: i know i have you here and thats whats important

TG: ok not "have" just

TG: how the fuck do i phrase that

TG: i know whatever is happening with other "us"es whatever shits goin down

TG: i can wake up and watch movies with you or hell i can even hang with you in there if i bump into you and thats what matters to me in this bro-dom thats what i wanna do

TG: and thats some real shit i just said feel free to co-sign it

CG: …

===

TG: karkat i meant it

CG: … THANKS.

TG: no problem

[azzibuckets]

Paper Rings [Part 1/10 | Paige Bueckers]

Paige Bueckers x fem!reader

summary: very angsty friends to enemies to lovers told through flashbacks & current day

a/n: this is my very first fic + i’m still pretty unfamiliar with how to use tumblr so pls forgive me in advance 😭 but lmk what you think!

warnings: drinking, angst, paige as a player

word count: 1.9k

masterlist w/ all parts

FLASHBACK: 1 YEAR & 1 MONTH AGO

It was the night of the Big East championship game, and the entire UConn women’s basketball team was piled into Paige and Azzi’s apartment to celebrate with drinks. At first, you’d been hesitant to come, as you would be the only non-player there. Which usually wouldn’t be a problem, but since it was a celebration for something as special as a tournament win, you wanted to let the team have their moment. But Paige insisted, saying that you were basically one of them at this point, and that everyone loved you and would want you there.

So here you were, sandwiched between Paige and KK on the sofa. There were so many people squeezed onto the sofa, though, that you were basically half in Paige’s lap. She didn’t seem to mind though - one hand was holding a red solo cup filled with dirty Shirley while the other was firmly wrapped around your waist, holding you in place next to her. Not a typical look for best friends, but both of you attributed this intimate position to physical touch being both of your main love languages.

Paige’s fingers were absentmindedly brushing up and down your hip, alternating between playing with the fray at the end of your shirt and scratching your hip. You tried not to think too much of it. Paige was constantly moving, and she always needed something to play with or else she’d get bored and distracted. She definitely wasn’t touching you because she had feelings for you. Paige made it clear that she wasn’t interested in anyone romantically, with how quickly she moved from woman to woman. But that was how she chose to live her love life, and you respected that! And didn’t care….at all.

KK suddenly lurched up from next to you. “Ayoooo, we should play spin the bottle,” she crowed, as if this was the best idea she’d ever come across.

“Nah, girl, I’m good,” Nika teased, shaking her head at KK’s antics. “Geno said he wants us to be close, but I don’t think he meant that close.”

The rest of the team hooted in laughter. KK pouted. “Well, Azzi just texted the guys’ team to come, and they’ll be here soon. That way I don’t have to kiss any of y’all’s nasty lips.”

At that, Paige sat up a little bit straighter, her grip around my waist tightening. “Ain’t no one playing spin the bottle with the guys. Especially Y/N.”

“Why, Paige? Jealous?” Ice teased. Ice always gave you a hard time about Paige, wiggling her eyebrows at you every time you walked Paige to practice or dropped off food for her during their recovery sessions. You suspected that she was onto you, but you always shrugged off her teasing in order to seem nonchalant.

Paige rolled her eyes, although her grip on you didn’t loosen. “Nah, bro. They’re just weird. They don’t know Y/N like that. She’d be uncomfy.”

You tugged on one of her Dutch braids. You loved whenever she put her hair into two full braids. She looked so cute. Although you’d never tell her that. “What if I wanna play, hmm?” You were testing Paige’s limits, and you knew it. And as much as you wanted to chalk it up to her being jealous, you knew she was probably just being a protective friend.

Paige shook her head. “It’s such a middle school game, Y/N. You don’t wanna do that.” With those words, you felt a surge of drunken defiance rise in your chest. Paige was bossing you around, as if she knew what was best for you. But you refused to be seen as the innocent and meek type. And now you wanted to play. Because if you couldn’t have Paige, you weren’t gonna let her limit you from having someone else.

You raised your chin. “No, I think I’m gonna,” you declared.

Paige’s eyes flashed. There was a hint of surprise in the way she leaned back and studied you. “Okay,” she responded coolly. “Whatever. Do what you want - Imma top up.” She briskly slid the part of me on her thigh off, and got up, disappearing into the kitchen.

Soon, the guys piled in, along with some of their buddies that weren’t on the basketball team. You all agreed to do a mix of spin the bottle or truth or dare. It was either answer the question, or kiss. Except those who were players insisted that teammates were off limit. To be honest, you didn’t wanna play. You, like Paige, thought the game was childish. And more importantly, the only person in the room, or frankly anywhere in the world, whose lips you wanted to kiss was Paige. But Paige didn’t want you, and you had to move on.

Paige returned with a full cup, this time of beer, just in time for the game to start. A couple of the girls had gotten up to sit with the guys on the floor, so there was more room on the sofa now, meaning that Paige and you were no longer touching. Instead, there was a sizable gap between the two of you. The lack of her warmth was upsetting to you, and another reminder that Paige was only touching you because of how crowded the sofa was. Not because she craved your touch the same way you craved hers.

Just your luck, the bottle landed on you the first spin. You vaguely recognized the guy who spun it as one of the players on the basketball team. He had dirty blonde hair and a cocky smile. The top buttons of his shirt were unbuttoned, and he had a rumpled look about him that would be messily attractive if it weren’t for the fact that you had almost zero interest in guys.

“Which guy on my team looks like he’d be the best in bed?” The guy’s wildly inappropriate question barely registered before Paige leaned forward, sliding her hand protectively over your knee.

“That’s a fucked up question,” she snapped. Her eyebrows were furrowed in that way that happens when she’s really angry, and her cheeks were flushed, likely from the alcohol. Tipsy Paige meant a Paige with much more intense emotions, and you knew now that she would be even more unashamed now than she is sober, which says a lot considering how she’s already pretty free willed sober. “Don’t be an ass. Give her a decent question so she’s not forced to kiss you.” Paige snarled.

The guy’s eyebrows shot up. “Chill out, P. It’s just a game,” he laughed arrogantly.

“Yeah, P.” The words, laced with malice, were out of your mouth before you could stop yourself, and you wanted to die as soon as they came out. Paige looked like a puppy who was just kicked, confusion and embarrassment in her eyes. Shame rose in your throat like bile - Paige was just trying to protect you from a creepy guy, a guy who you didn’t even want to kiss, and you were taking this random stranger’s side. In front of all these people.

But words kept piling out of your mouth, even though you didn’t mean it. “Stop babying me,” you hissed. This time only Pauge could hear, but you internally kicked myself again for the harshness of your words. It was the alcohol in you, running hot through your veins, exacerbating all the bitterness and jealousy you’ve been feeling towards Paige for so long. You wanted to get back at her…but for what? It wasn’t her fault she didn’t love you back.

You were thrusted back to reality when you realized everyone was staring at you, waiting for you to make a move. It was an almost out of body experience, in the most terrible and awful way possible, watching yourself move like a robot to where the guy was sitting. You kneeled down, planted a kiss on his lips to the cheering of all the people around you, then got back and returned to your seat on the sofa.

And for the rest of the night, Paige didn’t speak to you.

—————————-

“I can’t find them.” You were digging through your purse, trying to find your keys. Paige was standing next to you, her face stone hard.

You were so drunk. After the whole kiss incident, you’d started going wild with the drinks, putting back shots as if your life depended on it. The alcohol made you feel numb, softening the ache you felt whenever you thought back to earlier that night when you had hurt Paige, embarrased her in front of all those people. You felt like the worst person in the world, and the more you drank, the more that guilt disappeared.

And now you were drunk out of your mind. You’d expected Paige to ignore you completely after, and she had, until the celebrations died down and you had to go home. You had walked to the apartment because your dorm was only 10 minutes away, and now with how you couldn’t even walk without staggering, someone needed to escort you back.

You hated how good Paige was. How she immediately got up without hesitation when Nika requested for someone more sober to walk you home. You knew she was angry and hurt, yet like always, she looked out for you first.

“Paige, I can’t find them,” you pouted. Paige exhaled through her nose and grabbed the purse from you, sifting through it before she found your keys, tucked into one of the side pockets. Opening the door, she rested her hand on the small of your back to guide you inside.

Once inside, you grabbed Paige’s hand, tugging her into your room and flopping on the bed. She stood there, still and silently watching you. She was unamused, and rightly so.

“Are you mad?” You giggled, sitting up to poke her in the stomach. When she stared back at you, still in silence, you stopped laughing. Sobering up a bit, you grabbed her hand and pulled her closer. “I’m really sorry,” you said quietly. “I don’t know why I did that earlier.” She was between your legs now. You weren’t thinking straight, your mind a muddled mess, and so you wrapped your calves around her, pulling her in until there was no space between you two. She looked down at you, bringing her hand to lightly touch your jaw.

You both stayed there for a moment, the tip of her finger running back and forth along your jaw. Your eyelids fluttered closed. Paige’s touch was so gentle, and you wanted to lean into it and stay in it forever. You didn’t understand why she was being so kind to you when you had been so cruel to her earlier, especially on a night as important as this.

“I’m sorry. For ruining tonight,” you told her, shifting to lean your forehead against her toned stomach.

“You didn’t ruin anything. But I was trying to look out for you,” she said quietly from above you. Paige. A golden heart, and a reminder of why you didn’t deserve her.

“But you kiss a lot of people. Why do you have an issue when I do it?”

Paige’s hand stuttered. “You should really get some rest,” she said gently instead of answering your question. She backed up, looking at you closely before shutting the light off. “I’ll call you tomorrow. Good night.”

[the-travelling-witch]

𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐒 𝐌𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄

summary: the types of kisses the demons like to give and receive

pairings: demon brothers :: barbatos x gn! reader

warnings: i totally never play favourites ever

obey me! masterlist || similar post: hold me close

𝐋𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐅𝐄𝐑

Lucifer takes great pride in being able to make your heart soar and head spin. And what better way to do that than stealing all air from you with a passionate kiss to the lips? But he also has his softer moments filled with only praise for you and he can’t stop himself from holding your jaw between his fingers and pressing a sweet peck to your forehead.

He is frankly a little awkward with receiving affection, being more used to facing either admiration, fear or annoyance. Yet, he cannot suppress the warmth spreading through his chest if you try to pull him away from work with a kiss to his temple and a hushed whisper to come to bed. Although Lucifer may not admit it, when you lean in to flutter a kiss to his closed eyelids it symbolises the ultimate trust to him.

𝐌𝐀𝐌𝐌𝐎𝐍

You already know, this snowy-haired tsundere will absolutely deny enjoying your affection. Pfft, you really think he needs some human’s love and care? (Yes, he does. And everyone knows it too.) Mammon would kill for a sliver of your tender affection, only to curl up on your lap and bask in your touch; he thrives with your attention on him and only him. Normally pretty chill and laid back, he’ll get really pissed if someone interrupts your one-on-one quality time.

Mammon, being the Avatar of Greed, obviously wants all of your kisses! Give him all your love and affection, human! There is, however, a comfort that comes with pressing a lingering kiss to the crown of your head while he has you wrapped up in his arms (and wings on occasion). Not only can he hide his glowing cheeks from you but he also feels like he’s protecting you and keeping you safe.

Your kisses? Again, he wants them all! Of course you want to kiss the Great Mammon, ya can’t seem to get enough of him, ain’t that right? Kiss the area peeking out from the collar of his shirt where his neck meets his collarbones, that’ll shut him right up. And lord help him if you ever kiss the marks on his chest when he’s in his demon form… Please pretend not to notice his reddened face or ears.

𝐋𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍

Leviathan is… freaking out, to put it lightly. His heart and mind are racing!! Not only do you want to hang out with him, no you also like like him. Him!! Not one of his stupid brothers!! Is he back in the Celestial Realm? It takes a while for him to show affection at all and not immediately self-deprecate afterwards if you don’t initiate it. But after enough reassurance from you, he learns that you really are okay with having him touch you. 

He’s still a shy baby though and something so bold as a kiss to your cheek or lips is way too high-level normie stuff (although he really wants to kiss you)!! The genius solution? Kissing the palm of your hand!! Whether you’re watching anime or you’re sitting in his lap watching him game, chances are Levi’s fiddling with your fingers anyway once his hands are free. (Jealous Levi is a different kind of monster though…)

If you ever kiss his cheek, Levi.exe will stop working; a kiss to the lips would take him straight out. Whether it’s just because you want to be cute or if it’s a little thank you or you’re excited he won a game, it doesn’t matter and you can basically see the blood rush to his face. If he’s ever in his demon form with you, consider giving some love to his non-human traits too; he’s very insecure about them and it’ll help him greatly.

𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐍

Satan is a true romantic at heart. Whether it’s all the romance novels he absorbed, if he’s just naturally like this or if he’s trying to cover his reputation as the Avatar of Wrath, he is a gentleman either way. And a gentleman kisses the beloved’s hand right? As cute as the basic is, Satan prefers pressing his lips to the inside of your wrist. It feels way more intimate and the trust you have in him, one of the most dangerous demons, to let him so close to a sensitive area of your body sends his mind reeling. 

Your every kiss will bring a fond smile to his face, so he’s not picky. That being said, there’s a special place in his heart for the times you lean in to place a kiss to the tip of his nose. It’s playful and endearing and the spark in your eyes so close to his captivates his whole being.

𝐀𝐒𝐌𝐎𝐃𝐄𝐔𝐒

When it comes to affection, Asmo might as well be the Avatar of Greed. Give him all of your love, he deserves it! In turn, he will smother you in as much attention as you can take. It’s no secret that Asmo is as shameless as a demon can be when it comes to sneaking a kiss here and there, and he’s not picky about the place. Whether it’s all over your face, up your thighs and to your hips or a cheeky little kiss to the back of your hand, Asmo is the demon to fulfil whatever your heart desires. 

If he were to pick his personal favourite though, it would be your spine. Not only is he delighted to see your bare back, he can also watch you shiver as the ghost of his fingers grazes your skin. For him, the space between his shoulder blades is very sensitive as it sits right where his wings sprout. So to see you expose such a vulnerable spot to him makes his heart beat faster and head spin if he thinks too long about it. You do funny things to him, you know that, darling?

Again, Asmo being Asmo, he welcomes all your kisses gladly, but not equally. Sure, connecting your lips is delightful and the way you sensually move to his neck makes him all giddy. Yet, in a very un-asmo-esque fashion, what excites him most are the most innocent of gestures. Case and point, the blush that settles on his perfect skin when you kiss the back of his hand. Do it after he finishes a manicure, when your hands are interlocked or just casually when you see him. This demon is all yours now.

𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐙𝐄𝐁𝐔𝐁

Beel loves you very much and he shows it pretty openly, no beating around the bush here. It might not be as refined as writing a poem or what the films always show but he shares his food with you, which is a dead giveaway about how serious he is. Consequently, he’s very concerned about your health and making sure you’re taking care of yourself. So if he presses soft kisses to your stomach when you cuddle after a meal, not only can he express his affection but he can also make sure you’re eating regularly.

Every time you kiss the corner of his lips, Beel’s absolutely stunned for a few seconds, eyes adorably wide as his brain catches up. Not only is he happy you are initiating affection but when you get so close he can pick up on your scent so effortlessly. Not to mention, the fact you didn’t quite meet his lips leaves him wanting more and there’s a high chance he pulls you back in for a real taste a second later. You know, suddenly he’s hungry again…

𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐏𝐇𝐄𝐆𝐎𝐑

Belphie might not be as over the top with his affections as some of his brothers but there’s no doubt to be had that he is absolutely smitten with you. To outsiders it might not be as obvious but to those who know him, it’s clear as day, really. The way he’s trying to hide his blush, subtly show off or try to stay awake for you really gives him away. Plus, he’ll put up with any of your nonsense and will also put in the effort to care about and for you.

On that note, finding you two together isn’t always as easy though because Belphie will steal you away for a nap at any given time of day. No matter how long you’ve been in the Devildom already, Belphie is still insistent that he has to make up for lost time.

Whether you’re just his favourite pillow or if you are wrapped up in his arms, he wants to be as close to you as possible for a good night’s (or day’s) sleep. Whatever the case, the youngest is a lot more likely to press a half-asleep kiss to whatever part of skin he can reach while curled up next to you. If he could choose one, it would have to be kissing your neck while holding you from behind. Not only does he get to hear your pulse, he can also get a rise out of his brothers if he accidentally happens to bite down just a little…

Good thing Belphie is lying down most of the time because whenever you kiss his forehead, his knees go weak. Your hand gently pushing his hair out of his face before your lips flutter against his skin in the softest of touches could send him straight back to dreamland with how much comfort it provides. It doesn’t even matter when you do it. Whether it’s to wake him up, give him a good night’s kiss or to display how proud you are and how much you love him, Belphie could never get enough of your kisses. 

𝐁𝐀𝐑𝐁𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐒

Barbatos lives to serve and there’s nobody he likes to please more than you. Life can get tough, especially since you do so much for the people around you, so Barbatos would love nothing more than to be a place of comfort for you. Besides making tea for you and listening intently to what troubles you, Barbatos would also like to alleviate some of the physical strains. And what would be better suited for that than a massage provided by your partner?

As skilled fingers knead away the knots and stress of your everyday life, Barbatos will sneak in a few affections just for you. Whether it’s the small of your back, your shoulder blades or the back of your neck, expect them to be lavished in the gentlest attention as you melt into his touch. But your demon is always very keen on pressing soft kisses along the skin of your shoulders, from the moment he slips your clothes off for the massage to the moment he helps adjust them again. Also, if you ever find yourself in a situation where Barbatos has some free time to step away from his job for a while and just be himself, he’ll take every chance he gets to slip the collar of your top out of the way and indulge a little.

There’s no doubt that you are Barbatos’ favourite way to wind down. Just being with you recharges his energy fully and reminds him he’s more than just his job. That’s why it means so much to him when you carefully work off his gloves like he’s a delicate porcelain cup and place a lingering kiss to each pad of his fingers. The first time you do it, he’s very much taken by surprise but after recovering from his shock he’s already fond of the gesture. Even after he slips his gloves back on, he feels as if your touch still tingles underneath the material, the urge to feel your skin on his again burning bright under his composed façade. 

if you want to be notified whenever i post for obey me (or in general), send an ask to be added to my taglist! ♡

[kolsmikaelson]

— AEMOND TARGARYEN NSFW ALPHABET

NOTES — i’m sure this has been done but i personally haven’t read one for aemond so here we are :) this is completely canon aemond (as in non au aem) and if not it’s specified

WARNINGS — 18+ nsfw content, fem!reader, not proofread, mentions of canon typical incest

join my taglist or follow @rodrickhefley to see when i post

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

doesn’t really know what aftercare is but is so in love with you he’ll do anything you ask of him. whether it be run you a bath or just hold you for a while he doesn’t mind either way.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

idk if this counts as a body part exactly but his hair. aemond doesn’t love his appearance but his hair is something that he’s truly proud of and he loves it! but he loves your smile and your tits. he loves making sly little comments to see your smile and the feeling he gets when he sees a necklace he’d gifted you resting just above your cleavage is unexplainable

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

loves it when you cum all over his face. he’ll eat you out for hours on end just to have your cum smeared all over the lower half of his face

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

like the nasty mf he is, he’s fantasized of sharing you with someone else. whether that be aegon, jace or even daemon he just loves the idea taking you apart like that and knowing that at the end of the day you’re all his

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

not very experienced. after the, incident, with aegon when he was younger he vowed to save himself for whomever he married. he was happy to have his firsts (or most of) with you. it was worth the wait in his mind

F = Favorite position ( goes without saying)

whenever you’re riding him. he loves the easy access to your clit and your tits, groping and sucking on them any chance he gets

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

if we’re talking canon aemond, he’s very serious. he takes it as a way to show his love but also his dominance in a way. but if we’re talking modern!aemond, he’s mostly goofy. he just loves fucking you no matter what the circumstances are

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

not groomed well at all, he’s got a full on bush

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

it depends on the circumstances. if he were jealous, it’s all teeth clashing and hips snapping against yours but if it were your wedding night for instance, he’s slow and loving and sweet

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

never did it much, he didn’t see the appeal. he wasn’t usually attracted to any of the women he’d see around but once he met you it was like he couldn’t catch up on all those years that he’d missed before meeting you

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

choking is one of his big ones. and size kink is another

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

in the shadows in the hallways, he loves the thrill he gets knowing you could get caught. and he swears that you cum harder then rather than when you’re in your shared chambers

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

the sight of you wearing any jewelry he’s gifted you, or you using any gift he’s gotten you as well. you doing the little things for him, brushing his hair, braiding it at night, gently taking his eyepatch off

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

i don’t think theres much he wouldn’t try at least one time if you wanted to, but no piss kink. it grosses him out and he wants nothing to do with it

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

prefers giving! he gets plenty of pleasure just from pleasing you and if he does get a blowjob he’ll be happy but if not it doesn’t bother him too much

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

fast and rough, usually. but if you’re alone in your chambers for the night, he’ll take his sweet time tearing you apart

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

kind of obsessed with them, he loves fucking you in the hallways so it kind of has to be quick

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

decently into taking risks, just nothing that’ll hurt you too much or leave any lasting marks on your body

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

he lasts a decent amount of time, but he’s hard and ready to go again quickly

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

canon aemond isn’t very into the idea of something else other than him giving you pleasure, that’s his job. but modern aemond? whew that’s a different story

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

aemond doesn’t really tease you too much, but he likes it when you tease him, although he’d never admit it

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

not too loud, he mostly grunts and groans. trying to keep it down so that he can hear your moans rather than his own

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

some days he prefers you taking charge and babying him, he feels such a weight taken off his shoulders knowing you’re there for him

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

he’s hung, like it’s fucking huge

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

higher than you’d expected, but just above average

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

he forces himself to stay awake until he hears your soft snores, he doesn’t like going to sleep knowing you’re still awake

© kolsmikaelson : please do not copy, repost, or modify any of my content.

[trainsinanime]

I'm not sure I have anything interesting to say about it, but I am very intrigued by the way The Locked Tomb portrays cavaliers, necromancers and lyctorhood as relationships.

First of all, Necromancer+Cavalier is a metaphor for marriage, that's obvious table stakes. It's explicitly non-romantic (or should be, anyway, in the way the society there has constructed it), but it is intense, highly devoted, starts with a vow, goes "til death do us part" ("one flesh, one end").

In the series Cavalier and Necromancer are a form of gender roles, and they map incredibly well onto the most stereotypical gender roles we have in our society. The Cavalier has stereotypical masculine traits: The fighter, the protector, up on the front lines, physically active. The Necromancer has stereotypical feminine traits: Weak, frail, but whatever the necromantic equivalent of nurturing is, with power over death and life. In the mythology and "gender roles" of the nine houses, necromancy is sort of not quite but still a bit equivalent to "the mystical power of women to bring forth life". And yes, this is all very conservative and cishet-normative and so on.

Of course the books then immediately, from moment one, subvert this on at least three different layers.

The first layer is that the feminine-coded Necromancer is the head of the deadly family in the society, and the masculine-coded Cavalier is the support, the disposable one.

The other layer is that the book distributes the roles of Necromancer and Cavalier basically randomly across the actual genders of the characters. There are male necromancers, female cavaliers, plenty of same-sex pairings and so on.

But the biggest and most important inversion is that when we first meet the nine houses, ten thousand years after a cow-murdering Twitch streamer destroyed the world, nobody actually follows that role assignment to the letter. All the different houses have very different ideas of how Necromancer and Cavalier works in practice.

For example, Abigail Pent and Magnus Quinn are just straight-up married. Their work relationship is romantic, and while that's considered a bit weird by their society, it makes it clear that it can go on like this.

We are actually told that there was something going on in the second house, too, where Judith fell in love with Marta, but there she was gently rebuked and they were just friends instead.

Over in the sixth, Camilla and Palamedes have the inversion of boy necromancer and girl cavalier, but most importantly they have their own very QPR style of relationship that is unique to them and does not fit into either our society's traditional idea of romantic relationship, nor their society's traditional idea of what Necromancer and Cavalier should be like.

The seventh house leans into the frail necromancer/strong protector idea the most, except for [spoilers for the final third of Gideon].

The eighth house leans fully into the idea that the relationship is one-sided, that the cavalier is disposable, and jumps straight off the deep end by making the cavalier genetically bred to be nothing more than a power source.

The third house I've left out so far because, dear god, what even is going on there?

And finally, of course, the ninth, who are technically, strictly speaking, if we're following the metaphor to its logical end, doing a "fake married to lovers" plot.

So with that out of the way, let's look at Lyctorhood. Lyctorhood is fundamentally the final test, the final form of the Necromancer/Cavalier relationship as embedded in that society: The Cavalier has completely dissolved in the marriage, making their "spouse" all-powerful, but ending their own existence. That's the standard of the society as presented to the characters when they discover it, and all of them very quickly have their own ideas about it..

Most characters we know from Canaan House don't actually get that far (and to be fair, I think many of them would not have anything that interesting to say about it), but the ones who do are interesting:

Ianthe is physically repulsed by the idea of healthy relationships, so she has no problem eating Babs for power.

Gideon and Harrow are deeply in love, deeply devoted to each other, and deeply dysfunctional in their own ways, and Harrow manages to find a way to continue a dysfunctional horrible situationship with massive communication issues into Lyctorhood.

Cam and Pal find a different thing entirely, still recognisable as a take on Lyctorhood but also not at all. Instead of one absorbing the other, they fuse into a single new person together, but also in some ways dying in the process.

And it turns out even the older lyctors may not have worked quite as originally designed, with Pyrrha Dve still hanging around in Gideon the First and then finding her own way in Nona the Ninth. Throughout Nona it becomes obvious what was hinted at throughout most of Harrow: Lyctorhood is really just one of many ways for two people to become one. It is not the purest and best form of "one flesh, one end", just the best Johnny Boy could think of. Left to their own devices, we see people left and right figure out new ways to be together as one regardless of what society and God thinks of them.

This is really a key question of the book series: What does it mean for two people to become one? Well, it's up to them, and listening to what God has to say about it is probably not the best way to go. It'll make you end up like Ianthe. Do you want to be Ianthe? Actually don't answer that.

[livlaughloveluke]

NSFW ALPHABET WITH LUKE CASTELLAN…

warning! this fic contains- a lot of nsfw headcannons, all varying. soft!dom!luke. afab reader.

18+ mdni !

(also keep submitting your guys nasty thoughts i love reading them lowkey & do you guys want dark luke version?)

A = aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

luke’s all over you after sex, holding you in his arms and asking dozens of questions to make sure you liked it and aren’t hurting. he massages your plump skin, trying to soothe any future soreness and because he likes to touch you in a non-sexual way. unless you want it be, of course.

B = body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

his favorite part of himself would have to be his hands. he loves to make you writhe and squirm on his fingers, curling and pumping them inside your wet heat. it’s also so easy for him to grab and manhandle you as he pleases with the size of them.

as for you, he loves your thighs. he doesn’t care about the size or any scars, he’s just completely obsessed with squeezing the flesh. it could be while he’s sitting next to you at the bonfire or while he’s eating you out, but he is always groping them somehow.

C = cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

at camp half-blood, there’s a low supply of condoms and birth control is only given out for medical reasons, so he’s usually forced to pull out. most of the time he likes to cum in your mouth, and occasionally on your tits. although, there was this one time you let him cum inside, on the promise that he bought some plan b from the dionysus kids, who snuck out into the city every so often and stole a bunch of shit.

D = dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

he likes to be dominated. it started one night when you felt frisky and rode him, whispering praises into his ear while bouncing carelessly. something snapped inside his brain that day, and he developed a new desire to be under your control. but he has a reputation to uphold, so it’s rare he let’s you take charge.

E = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

he’s definitely not inexperienced. luke’s a good looking guy, so it’s no surprise that he’s had a few girlfriends before you. he grew to be decent in bed, knowing how to get a girl off while still pleasing himself. with that being said, he still had a lot to learn while dating you. there’s no real porn in camp besides some old playboy magazines his brothers stole, so he just had to go off what he heard girls liked.

F = favorite position (this goes without saying)

luke likes to stick with the classic missionary, mainly to see your face and your tits, but also because of his lack of knowledge to other positions. if he’s had a bad day and feeling rough, he’ll try doggy, although it usually ends in him flipping you around and fucking you on your back.

G = goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

typically he’s pretty serious, too busy spewing out mindless praises to crack a stupid joke. every once in a while he’ll softly laugh at something dumb, but that’s mainly him just being pussy drunk and happy at everything.

H = hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

not clean shaved, but well trimmed. he’s got a little bit of a bush, but nothing dramatic or anything that would irritate your skin.

I = intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

he grew up treating women with uttermost respect, and thinks sex is only for real relationships. in other words, he’s not a believer in hook up culture. luke’s only interesting in fucking if there’s strings attached, mainly because there’s a strong chance of him falling in love after getting intimate with someone.

J = jack off (masturbation headcanon)

the hermes cabin is packed, so there’s not a lot of places for him to jack off. if he can’t see you and is really desperate, he’ll do it quietly and quickly in the shower, but overall, he doesn’t feel the need to that often. i mean, why use his own hand if he can use yours?

K = kink (one or more of their kinks)

he’s typically a vanilla person, besides the whole secret sub kink. unless we’re talking about post tlt dark!luke, in which case that’s a whole other story. (would you guys want a different alphabet based on that?) but anyways, he’s got a huge thing for praise. complimenting you helps him get off on it’s own, but when you turn the tables and start telling him how good he’s doing, that’s when he really starts feeling it.

L = location (favorite places to do the do)

basically any private places around, whether that be one of the empty cabins or a secluded spot in the woods. with no other alternatives, he’ll find a way to make anywhere work.

M = motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

literally just you. he’s fascinated with anything you do, even something as simple as brushing your teeth or waking up all disheveled and groggy in the morning. that doesn’t mean he sees everything as sexual, but there’s nothing more of a turn on at night than you.

N = no (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

not really into anal, just prefers just good old p in v. if you asked he would be willing to try, but he wouldn’t never suggest it. he knows it can be really painful, and he wouldn’t want to hurt you for his own pleasure. this includes pegging, mainly because it sounds like it would hurt him.

O = oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

he loves loves LOVES giving head. there’s nothing hotter to him than eating you out, and sometimes you have to pull him away because he’s still going after your second orgasm. and he’s so good at it, too. he knows every every spot that makes your moan like the back of his hand.

he’s into receiving head, too. the innocent look you send up while on your knees and kitten licking the tip makes him go fucking insane.

P = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

like mentioned before, he’s a believer in intimacy. it usually includes slow and hard thrusts and him taking his time with you. although sometimes at the end, he speeds up, eagerly chasing both of your highs.

Q = quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

not really big on quickies, but with such a busy schedule, it tends to happen more often than not. again, he’s big on taking it steady, so a quick fuck behind the shed isn’t ideal.

R = risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

if you’re cool with it, he’s most likely cool with it, or at the very least he’ll try. he’s down for some risk, as long as it’s not hurting anyone. sometimes you’ll fuck in semi-public places just for the risk of getting caught, although no where near any kids.

S = stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

he’s good at lasting a while, but not at multiple rounds. if you’re just going straight at it, he could last for a maybe twelve minutes, depending on the situation. but he can also make himself finish quicker if needed. as for rounds, usually it’s just one or two.

T = toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

honestly, i don’t think owns any toys. it’s hard to his hands on get condoms alone, so he can’t even imagine trying to get any sort of toys. (he would find a way if you asked, though) he prefers it plain and simple, just using his body to help you climax.

U = unfair (how much they like to tease)

surprisingly, he’s always down for some teasing. nothing painfully time consuming, but just a minute of running his dick through your folds before sticking it in. although he hates when you tease him, and won’t hesitate to take what he wants if you’re acting up.

V = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

he groans a little, but in most situations you two are forced to be somewhat quiet. if you’re on top, he’ll occasionally just moan and whimper.

W = wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

he’s gotten off untouched while eating you out before. you were in an empty cabin, eyes rolled back and letting a few hushed moans slip, and he couldn’t stop himself from cumming in his pants as you climaxed.

X = x-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

more length than girth, but he’s definitely got something. about 6inches, maybe 7 inches while hard?

Y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

decent, but not anything crazy. he’ll do as much as you like, or as little. anything to keep you happy.

Z = zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

he’s out almost immediately once he’s checked up on you and cleaned you up. he doesn’t mean too, but how can he help it when your cradled in his arms?

[weirdbookweeb]

Simon (Ghost) Riley NSFW Alphabet

Many thanks to @fictional-loves for the template <3 and obviously, this is NSFW. Proceed as you wish. Reader is fairly genderless throughout the whole thing. Pros of a non-binary author. Lots of love <3 request AUs, Headcanons, Alphabets of any kind for literally any character for any fandom in my inbox. This did involve some very interesting research. Cough cough.

A= Aftercare (what they’re like after the act)

He is a snugglebug for a solid 10 minutes after. He's got his arms wrapped around your waist, his face nuzzled in your chest while he's half-asleep. He'll make soft noises and reply gently to you with a soft, grumbly voice that just melts you to the bones. Then after those ten minutes, he gains his composure and cleans up everything, giving you kisses with teasing half-smiles. He then carries you to a bathtub filled with warm water and slides in right behind you to soak both of your aches away.

B= Body part (favorite body part their own or their lovers)

His own switches between his arms and his cock. His likes how strong he is and how big he physically is compared to a lot of other people, you included. His arms are what hold on to you and protect what needs to be protected. And his cock is just something he is really damn proud of cause it makes you feel good.

His favorite things about you are your thighs and your hair. He likes to tangle his fingers in your hair when he's kissing you, and to stroke it when you're resting in his lap, and to just smell the scent of you when he hugs you from behind. Your thighs are his kryptonite, though. The fact that they clench around his head when he's eating you out, or he can grab them as he fuck deeper into you, or that he can fuck them and feel their soft warmth.

C= Cum (anything that has to do with it)

He loves how dirty anything doing with cum can be. Tasting his cum on your lips? Seeing your eyes widen when he tastes yours? Seeing his cum on your pretty skin? Feeling your cum on his face and pelvis? He loves it all. He wears a condom when he's inside of you, but otherwise he wants you to be his canvas and he wants to taste you.

D= Dirty secret (Pretty self explanatory)

He kind of wants to do something where someone can find you both. Where he has to muffle your sounds and whisper in your ear things that make it hard to not be caught. He thinks it's really hot. He gets hard just thinking about it. He would agree to it immediately if it was brought up, but only if you brought it up.

E= Experience (do they know what they’re doing)

He's kind of got experience. He's slept with very few people and done a few vanilla things, but his job usually gets in the way of things. So he know the basics, but not the extremes.

F= Favorite position

Initially upon meeting you, it's missionary because it's how most of his previous sex was done and he really liked seeing your face. Eventually it becomes Breeze because he likes how deep he can penetrate you and can make you gasp for breath.

G= Goofy (how serious are they)

He's pretty serious. He's the kind of person who would chuckle if something funny did happen, like you both falling on the floor or someone farting, but he'd never go out of his way to make jokes. He's usually so deep in the moment that everything seems erotic unless it's genuinely really funny.

H= Hair (grooming habits)

He's neat, but he's not hairless by any means. He's always got a happy trail. It gets a little bit grown out on particularly long deployments (on over a couple of weeks), but never overgrown, unmaintained, and gross.

He also prefers his partners a similar way. Neat, but not hairless. As long as you take care of yourself, he doesn't really care.

I= Intimacy (in the moment romantic or rough/dirty)

This man is dirty. He swears under his breath when he enters you and talks about how warm and tight you are and cannot shut up about how much he likes fucking up into you. There is no romantic words in his sentences, only dirty promises and sexual gratification. He's gripping you like you're his dark angel bringing him his sinful savior, rough and desperate.

J= Jack off (do they masturbate and how often)

He masturbates semi-regularly. Every few days, he just kinda gets bored and horny. Passively paws at his dick through his pants as it hardens, teasingly, groaning under his breath before finally slipping his hand under the waistband and taking his cock into his fist with a hiss of pleasure.

K= Kink (kinks what they like possibly unusual)

He likes when his back gets all scratched up. Not to the point of bleeding, but angry red marks up and down his back drive him insane. He also loves begging, himself or his partner. He likes being worshipped and worshipping. He also likes wearing his work mask at times.

L= Location (where they like to get it on)

He prefers his own bedroom, but he also likes the kitchen. The bedroom is ideal because of comfort, availability, and the fact you can usually be more likely to go to bed right after. But something about how 'public' the kitchen is, and how he can fold you over the counters makes him love it.

M= Motivation (things that makes them tick/turn ons)

If you tease this man with a gentle carress and a few sexy sentences, he'll be turned on. Hot outfit? Turned on. Particularly proud moment? He wants to fuck you right then and there. He's kind of just turned on by you. He's got self control, but he's also just a man.

N= No (turnoffs or absolutely won’t do)

Anything to do with non-sexual bodily fluids (scat, piss, blood), multiple people, weapons (knifeplay, gunplay, anything similar), age play, breathplay, and anything that interferes with your ability to consent (CNC, S/A, ETC)

O= Oral (receiving or giving and how skillful they are)

He is good with both, be he prefers recieving so he can kiss you afterwards. He is incredibly skilled with his tongue and fingers, though. I mean. His ability to give oral is immeasurable. He was a little bit of a rookie when you got together, but he learned quick what you liked.

P= Pace (how fast they are and how long they last in bed)

He gives it long and hard. He can hold out pretty long (the better part of half an hour). He can range from 15 minutes if he's been built up for a while to over an hour if he's already came and can handle holding out for a while.

Q= Quickie (do they prefer fast and hard)

He's not fond of them. He used to do them with one night stands on deployment and they're not exactly his cup of tea anymore. Besides, what's fun in them if he can pull you aside for half an hour, have way more fun and leave you trembling from an orgasm.

R= Risk (do they like to try new things)

If you bring them up, he’s willing to try a lot of things. But outside of the bedroom, he's pretty shy when talking about sex. You'll have to be the one to talk about things you want to happen. He’s nothing if not a pleaser.

S= Stamina (how many times they can go and how long each round lasts)

He can go a few rounds. 3 or 4 with a resting period, maybe more if you give him an hour. He's not exactly 25 anymore. But each round can last around half an hour each, give or take.

T= Toys (are they game for using sex toys on themselves or lovers)

He's got stuff for the both of you. It's no fun otherwise. There's more stuff for you than for him, but there's vibrators, pentration equipment, lubricant (because yes, men and women and everyone in between can use lubricant, be safe), and more. Some stuff is hidden where you can't find it, just in case you get curious and ask one day to try something out.

U= Unfair (how do they tease or do they enjoy suspense themselves)

He is so unfair, but he expects it in return. He is the kind of person to tease you for an hour before you even enter the bedroom.

V= Volume (are they loud, what sounds, and do they talk)

He's pretty quiet. He grunts, groans, sighs, and hisses. If he's completely desperate and pushed to the edge, you can pull a whimper out of him, but most of it is breathy and bass-filled. He speaks constantly, telling you praises about your body, noises, feelings, everything.

W= Wild card (random sincannon of any sort)

This is solely for the femmes and women, sorry mascs and men, but he's got a bit of a mommy kink. If he's feeling a bit pathetic and desperate, he'll whisper out a pathetic "mommy..." and grab you tighter while thrusting into you and biting down into your shoulder.

X= X-ray (what’s down below in dem pants)

(I'm a science girlie in the most ungendered way possible, so I'm not going to say he has a 10 inch cock like I've seen a few people do, that is almost entirely unrealistic, Rasputin.) He's standardly sizable at 6.5 inches erect and 5.5 inches soft. He's circumcised and has a bit of a curve to him.

Y= Yearning (sexdrive level)

Again, he’s pretty easily excitable when it comes to you, but he’s also not 25 anymore. He doesn't have a super high sex drive, but he's definitely willing to do sex. On a scale of 0-10, 0 being absolutely no sex, 10 being horny all the time, he's a solid 6 with a "not horny all the time, but i definitely thing about it and I'm definitely open to it when offered".

Z= Zzzz (do they sleep after if so how quickly after)

He's got problems sleeping in general so he doesn't sleep afterwards. He'll be tired, but he'll kinda just hang out with you for a bit. If he were to fall asleep, it would rake him a couple hours at least and you'd have to fall asleep first and he'd have to follow a specific routine before falling asleep. Fallback from being in the military and being constantly unsafe made him have a pretty paranoid sleeping routine.

[charliewrites99]

I NEED to talk about this because it will not leave my brain and Hangster has been giving me brain rot again.

We don't talk about the Pheonix of it all enough.

Natasha Trace, my queen who deserved more screen time, the lead female pilot character (Halo is the second female pilot), was not even for a milisecond presented or coded as a love interest.

And it's so great how much of a non love interest she was to Bradley specifically. Because in most action movies the rule dictates that main girl and main guy must have some romantic tension or the world as we know it will implode or smth. Except that just didn't happen. Bradley is the main character along with Mav (who does have a love interest) and by all movie tropes Nat should be Bradley's.

I have seen people talk about them in romantic sense, but even that always sounds to me like it's based soley on the "Main woman x main man" and nothing actually shown in the movie.

Instead they are actually friends. Rooster confides in her, she is on his side, basically a guard dog against Hangman, but they never have those romatic moments.

Like looking then looking away, sexual or romantic tension, having an intense past, getting into eachother's faces, saying a pointed goodbye to eachother before the big flight, camera focusing on her when Rooster goes down.

You know who does have those moments? Would you like to guess?

[lolahauri]

: ̗̀➛ Shane: Smut Alphabet 🔞

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Sorry but i think the most he'd do is bring you a washcloth and cuddle you lol.

Unless you had really rough or angry sex. Then he would make sure to give you lots of kisses and verbal affection to make sure you know he still loves you, and didn't actually mean any of the degrading stuff he said.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Your ass.

You can't convince me he isn't an ass man.

He'd slap and grab your ass constantly, sometimes at very inappropriate times lol.

Would immediately get hard if you ever offered to give him an ass job.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Will cum anywhere you want and love it.

Though his personal favorite would be in your ass or down your throat.

He loves watching you swallow his cum.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Would jerk off with a pair of your used underwear if you left them in his room.

Would also send you a pic of the aftermath later.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He's one of the older men in town. I'd imagine he's had his fair share of drunk hookups and casual relationships before he moved to Pelican Town.

So, pretty experienced.

But does he know what he's doing? Eh...

If you're AMAB, i think he'd be pretty good at getting you off from the beginning, considering you have the same anatomy.

If you're AFAB though, you'd probably have to teach him what you like. I think that would be pretty hot though.

He'd probably ask you to masturbate in front of him a few times so he can see exactly how and where you like being touched.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggy! Likes having that view of your ass. Plus he can spank you or pull your hair in that position too.

Cowgirl! He can't get enough of you riding him, using him like a sex toy.

Not really a position, but he LOVES throat fucking you.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Not goofy, but he will mock and tease you a lot.

He thinks it's so cute seeing you get all shy and embarrassed from his words.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Same color as his hair, pretty thick and curly.

When he's single he doesn't trim at all.

But in a relationship, he'd try to keep it more neat for you.

Unless you're into the full bush? ;) He would love that.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Not usually romantic.

Though I do think once in a while he'd randomly get all soft and needy, and he'd fuck you so slow and hard, whispering in your ear and feeling up your whole body.

That usually happens if you had a rough day or it was a special occasion, like Valentine's or your BDAY.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Before Dating: Everyday. Always with porn too (earbuds in obv).

I think his favs to watch would be throat-fucking and anal.

Would hate hentai tbh.

rip shane sdv, you would've loved reddit and twitter.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Degrading (only giving tho), dirty talk, breeding, spanking, hair pulling.

Non-penetrative sex & outercourse (like assjobs, tit fucking, dry humping, handjobs.)

Spitting in your mouth. 👀

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Hear me out: fucking in the Joja breakroom.

Hardly anyone is even the store. Morris and the cashier never leave their positions. It's only semi-public, so it gives that adrenaline rush, but almost no risk of being caught.

And he gets to spend company time stuffing your holes! It's perfect!

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Just looking at you can get him hard tbh.

But oh my god, he'd get embarrassingly horny from you teasing him.

One of those guys who pretends to hate teasing, but it actually excites him so much.

Loves the chase (and eventual catch).

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

I don't think he'd be into being submissive or bottoming.

He's strictly a dom/dom top.

The most submissive he'd be is having you ride him, but that doesn't really count as being a sub.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Prefers receiving. Sometimes likes it more than actual sex tbh.

He's not the best at giving head, but you'd still cum from it.

Would actually really like having you sit on his face. He'd jerk off while you do it too.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

If you're doing anal, he'd start slow and work his way up to going fast and hard.

Vaginal sex starts and ends pretty hard n fast.

The only time he stays slow and gentle is those infrequent love-making sessions i mentioned earlier.

Or if you just ask him to slow down, he will right away ofc.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Loves quickies!

Could probably do two, maybe three in one day if he's super pent up.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Fairly down for experimenting. Also long as it isn't painful or gross.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

If he's on top, probably not a super high stamina. One round. Lasts an average amount of time.

But if you're riding, he can go as many rounds as you want.

He'd let you fuck him till he's cumming dry if you wanted.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Probably doesn't own any himself. Maybe he made homemade ones in the past.

He'd be so down to use some with you though.

Imagine mutual masturbation with him!!

Lying side-by-side, using a fleshlight on him while he uses your fav toy on you!!

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

The longer you're together, the more comfortable he feels teasing you. He'd be such a dick about it.

If you made him mad, he'd keep getting you hot n bothered throughout the day just to leave you hanging.

And like i said before, he pretends to hate being teased. But he secretly loves the chase, and you being a little brat.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Lots of grunting and groaning.

Probably a lot of dirty talk too, esp if you're having angry sex. (IMAGINE!)

"God you make me so fucking mad sometimes, just couldn't wait to take my cock, could you? Such a little whore."

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Would absolutely bend you over in front of a full length mirror and make you keep eye contact with him while he fucks you stupid.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Thick as fuck, average length.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Kinda high.

Ideally he'd wanna get it on at least once a day, but that's up to you.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

If it was anything more than a quickie, right away.

Tired old man smh.

I LOVE DIRTY, OLD MAN SHANE!!

[tarot-by-e11e]

PAC: "What do you need to let go of?" (call-out from your guides)

"Once we rid ourselves of the shackles of our own self-imposed limitations, we will be able to soar higher and further than the birds in the sky." - said by me

(reminder: this is for entertainment purposes only. Only take what resonates) Choose with mic will lovingly call you out~

Pile 1:

Pile 1: 8 of Coins, Judgement, 7 of Cups, 3 of Cups

Right off the bat, the first phrase I heard was, “unrealistic high standards”. Oomph. *nervously looking away*

Pile 1, by any chance, are you known as the “resident heartbreaker” in your community because of the trail of broken hearts you leave behind? It’s great to have standards but you need also to remember that nobody’s perfect, not even you dear pile 1.  There’s this journal prompt(?) I’ve encountered before about listing down all the characteristics you want in your ideal partner, then sitting down and reflecting if your ideal would wish to have a partner like you. It’s such a humbling yet eye-opening journal prompt TBH. Don’t expect the best if you won’t show up as the best version of yourself. Like… if you want the best, you have to be the best version of yourself as well.

What you also need to let go of Pile 1 is your hyper-self-awareness. Granted that it’s great knowing what your strengths and weaknesses are but there is such a thing as too much. I heard, “A healthy balance is key” in your case. Sorry for the call out Pile 1 but from the second card as well, your perfectionistic tendencies are slowly making themselves known. You might have these “all-or-nothing” tendencies, like a “black-or-white” mindset sometimes. It seems you have high standards for others and yourself, so you tend to intellectualize your feelings instead of feeling them. Again, apologies for the call-out Pile 1.

The last card feels like a desperation for external validation. Like, you feel you always need someone to impress or win over to feel like you’re good enough. There’s this unworthiness wound that needs to be addressed. Also, chronic people-pleasing tendencies to the point of immediate self-sacrificial tendencies. Pile 1, you need to learn to let go of this unhealthy thirst for external validation. Because the moment you lose your “audience”, you feel lost and listless. You need to remember that you are worthy of love, happiness, and success in life because you exist.

Pile 2:

Pile 2: 2 of Cups, Tower, 10 of Swords, Strength

I’m saying sorry in advance Pile 2 but the first thing I heard was, “You need to learn to be happy alone.” Pile 2 either is the type that can’t stand being single or is a hopeless romantic that has more fictional crushes than actual human relationships. (Apologies to all the romance genre bookworms all over the world). This pile falls under those two categories~

So for the serial daters, it seems that you need to take a bit of a break/pause and assess what do you want in a partner, your non-negotiables and negotiables. You are asked to don’t say to every person that asks you out. Also heard that, don’t date just because you’re bored, lonely, or have a lot of time to spare. Basically, you are called to only get into a relationship for the right reasons.

Now for the hopeless romantic who prefers fictional men to real men, I understand that you might have heard stories or had experiences that made you always choose the bear every single time. Those horror stories are an unfortunate reality for people into men. But I can’t, in my good conscience as having nephews, say that all men are despicable human beings. Granted, not all men but still they’re men. So… what I’m saying here is, that your fictional boyfriends would want you to actually experience happiness through real human interactions too. So yup, keep your guard up to those who wear their red flags with pride, but do try to give a chance to good men out there.

What you also need to let go of Pile 2 is your destructive coping mechanisms whenever you feel triggered by your traumas. Yes, I’m sorry to have it break it to you. You kinda felt this would eventually be mentioned, right? You are aware of your own destructive tendencies when triggered. You are aware that you unintentionally hurt your loved ones whenever they trigger you. And you also know you want to stop hurting people in the process. If therapy is expensive, try searching for somatic exercises and eft tapping. You don’t always have to swallow a pill to get better at managing your anger issues and self-sabotaging tendencies. You just have to give yourself a safe space to be able to honor and validate your feelings/pain/trauma. Treat yourself as gentle and compassionate as possible, like you would a child who’s just learning how to walk and talk.

Lastly, you are called to let go of your arrogance. I’m really sorry for the call-out Pile 2 but the cards have spoken. It’s great to know within yourself that you can walk your talk but you might have the tendency to bulldoze anyone that crosses your path. This might even cause an issue with authority figures. There’s a fine line between arrogance and confidence that you need to learn to master. It’ll help with the harmonious dynamics between you and your coworkers.

Pile 3:

Pile 3: 10 of Wands, 6 of Coins, Queen of Coins, Wheel of Fortune

Pile 3 feels like my burnt-out workaholic pile from the get-go. Being burdened by too much on your plate. Pile 3 might actually tend to take on other people’s problems. I understand you want to help out but you need to understand that you have limits too. You are asked to let go of the burdens that aren’t actually yours to begin with. You’re also asked to reprioritize your needs and responsibilities first before even considering helping someone else with their problems. I kept hearing, “You can’t pour out of an empty cup.”

Why does it feel like Pile 3 is my overly giving and generous pile? Sweetheart, please… I get how you want to help others out and give whenever you can. Just don’t forget to keep some for yourself, okay? I’m not asking you to stop being generous. I’m asking you to discern who genuinely needs your generosity and who is abusing your kind and loving heart. Unfortunately, not everyone deserves you and your generous heart.

Pile 3, your pile really has me crying and whimpering, “Please stop letting people walk all over you.” No wonder y’all are burnt out, you are the most loving, generous, and nurturing souls in the world to the point of being easy prey for abusive, manipulative narcissists. I’m begging you Pile 3, discernment and boundaries. You’re so nurturing and caring to the point of ignoring someone’s red flags. So… you have to actually learn how to have healthy boundaries and practice discernment. Don’t entertain the idea/potential of a person and see them for who they really are.

The last card feels like you need to let go of being too much of a “going with the flow” to the point of not taking charge of your own life, Pile 3. I understand you’re adaptable and know how to roll with the punches, but it also feels like a drifter with no roots. Always letting yourself be carried wherever the wind blows, can be interpreted as letting people dictate how you should live your life. It seems that pile 3 tends to take a passive approach to living your life. I understand that people who are of authority claim they want what’s best for you, but that’s what’s best based on THEIR values and preferences, not YOURS. So… please Pile 3, take the time to figure out what do you actually want to do with your life, in your own way. You are not just someone’s child, not just someone’s sibling/parent, not just someone’s friend/classmate/coworker. You are your own person, with a heart that feels and a mind that can think for themselves.

Pile 4:

Pile 4: 2 of Coins, 6 of Swords, Knight of Swords, Chariot

The first card of Pile 4 feels like you need to let go of only prioritizing your needs while disregarding your desires. It’s great to know how to be practical and resourceful, but you tend to only focus on nurturing the physical and basic needs, you tend to forget your emotional needs too. You tend to forget that you can let yourself enjoy your life while you work hard to provide for yourself and your family. I’m hearing, “self-care” is something you need to prioritize. Don’t just say, “Oh, I can just enjoy the fruits of my labor later” then realize your knees can’t even be stable enough to carry your body to your bathroom. The last I heard from the first card was “Go on a vacation and treat yourself while your body is still able to live and move with ease.”

The next thing you need to let go of is your cut-off game, specifically your tendency to ghost people. It seems that Pile 4 is quite quick to cut people out of your lives without notice. It seems that pile 4 also tends to cut someone out of their life on impulse. Like, no explanation, no notice, no last goodbye. This is giving “ghosting” vibes. It’s like, the person you cut off didn’t even do anything wrong, yet pile 4 while just going ghost without a valid reason. Like, pile 4 may go ghost whenever someone is getting a bit too close to your heart and you tend to run before they even get a chance to offer any friendship/commitment. Pile 4, are you a commitment phobe?

Pile 4, what you need to let go of is your impatience. Not just towards others, but also towards yourself. The littlest inconveniences make you lose your cool quicker than a mic drop. Not everyone is capable of keeping up with your demands and requests, not even you. So please, learn to be more understanding and patient with yourself and other people. I understand that you want to just go-go-go, but you need to know that you shouldn’t bulldoze your way through life. Learn to pace yourself by taking the time to smell the roses. There’s nothing wrong about going after what you want to get done, but you just need to remember that you don’t always do everything perfectly in the first try. You too make mistakes. You too need time to learn from your mistakes and become a better version of yourself. So please, show yourself and others the same compassion and patience you wished someone would give you.

Finally, the last thing pile 4 needs to let go of is “being controlling”. I’m really sorry for this call-out Pile 4 but you must have heard this from someone else before. Just because you know what’s best and know how to do it best, it doesn’t mean you should always take the reins and just control everything and everyone to bend into your will. Your way isn’t the only way to do things. You might be surprised that there are other ways to go about a task with minimal damage and effort. So please, let go of the concept that you have to always take charge and always be the leader.

Thank you for trying out my PAC reading. Feel free to give me a feedback on how your pile resonates with you.

[ctrlchar]

Jake Webber NSFW alphabet

a/n: for the oral section i wrote about him making you watch a movie while he eats you out and I love that concept sm i can’t and also there is a Johnnie alphabet coming soon as well🙏

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

absolutely loves aftercare,he always asks you if you need anything and if you do he’ll do it in a instant. he also gets you one of his oversized shirts and some of his boxers to change into so you can be comfortable

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

on himself it’s his waist,he loves his tattoos that lead down to his crotch and that’s really it tbh,he just thinks he has a nice waist

on you it is 1000% your tits,he talks about tits in literally every video. he doesn’t care what they look like as long as he can squeeze them and leave kisses on them during sex

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

if your back is to him he likes to cum on your back or inside of you,he lives for watching his cum drip out of you just for him to finger it back into you

if you’re facing him then it doesn’t matter too much although he does like to cum on your tits but he’s not too specific on it

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

seeing his hands around you will literally make him cum on the spot,he just loves how possessive it is to physically hold onto you with his hands both in a sexual and non sexual manor

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

he’s a very experienced guy,this means that he can tell what you do and don’t like very easily

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

he absolutely loves when you ride him,however he doesn’t like reverse cowgirl at all because obviously he can’t see your tits

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

100% he’s a very silly person and I think that carries over into the bedroom as well like I think this man might even go out of his way to make a joke during sex rather then just joking about something awkward happening

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

I don’t think he really does anything to it honestly,maybe whenever he dates you he trims it up a little but he genuinely could not care less and the same goes for you he doesn’t care if you have hair or don’t

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) 

Intimacy is not his strong suit,yes he can be intimate and yes he will be intimate it’s just not something he’s amazing at

however he will make sure you know that he wants you and not your body,this meaning he’ll probably tell you how much he loves you and how good you treat him while he’s inside you

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

I don’t think he jerks of regularly only whenever he’s doing something and you’re not there or you are there but you’re busy and he doesn’t wanna seem like a dick by making you stop what your doing just so you can have sex

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

overstimulation-he absolutely loves to see you begging for him to let up his assault on your clit

his fingers prodded your tight hole for now 15 minutes,you had came what you think was 10 minutes ago but you weren’t sure and didn’t care for that matter as Jake continued to push his fingers in and out of you at a rapid pace. your hands reaching up for his hands in attempt to slow him down which he does for a moment “aw my pretty girl. you don’t really want me to stop hm?” he asks knowing the answer already since the two of you have had this discussion before

daycraphillia- seeing you cry might be his biggest turn on during sex. just watching you come undone because of his cock boosts his ego through the roof. especially when you’re in doggy style and he’s practically fucking your tears into the pillow below you

photos- he would love to take photos during sex if you let him. but not just photos of you,he feels as if he’s taking photos of you there should also be photos of himself. so usually he’ll take photos of you giving him head or even just his hard cock cumming on you. his favorite photos have to be when he’s fucking you from behind and your ass is right against his cock

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

he really likes doing it in his car. like man will never turn you down if you ask him to lay back his seat and fuck you in his car

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

seeing you in JUST his shirt no shorts underwear absolutely nothing other then his shirt

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

nothing too extreme that would ever hurt you,his exception when it comes to impact play is choking and that’s about it.

he also doesn’t like the idea of sharing you,he doesn’t get jealous easily but the thought of someone seeing you do vulnerable is a huge turn off

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

he gets super whiney and needy whenever you give him head. like bucking his hips down your throat needy

“f-fuck!” he moans arching his back against the wall. his hand now tightly gripping your hair as he tried to gain his composure and not start completely fucking your face. he starts to buck his hips up more and more subconsciously the closer he gets apologizing with each thrust “baby i’m sorry” “shit i can’t” “feels t-too good” he’d say bucking his hips into your mouth before eventually cumming down your throat

on the other hand he will give you head no matter what you’re doing. his favorite time to give you head is whenever you’re watching a movie with him and his head moves from resting on your chest from going to your clothed clit making you watch the movie as he eats you out

he also wraps his arms around your thighs when he goes down on you to make sure you’re as close to him as possible

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

I think he keeps a moderate pace but if you ask for him to go faster or slower he will. I feel like he thrusts rlly hard too if that makes sense

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

he likes them a little less then proper sex. only because there’s not much variety in quickies,like you have to work with what you have but during regular sex it’s up to you rather then your surroundings

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

this kinda goes back to N, the biggest risk he’ll take with you is having semi public sex but that’s it

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

he can last pretty long honestly maybe like 4-5 rounds or so

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

I think he used to own a fleshlight when he was younger (early 20s) but other then that no,if he saw you using a toy he would make you continue whatever it was you were doing while he watched you and maybe if he was really horny he’d jerk off with you

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

hugeeeee tease.

the two of you were sitting at a booth during dinner,with two of your friends on the other side. Jake had his hand resting on your thigh which to most people simply looked like he was doing just that,but you and him both knew what he was doing. he had been rubbing his fingers along your inner thighs where he knew he had left bite marks and bruises. this resulted in a dull pain which went straight to your heat.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

other then whenever he’s getting head I think he just grunts a lot. like loud grunts each time he thrusts into you

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

loves watching threesome porn but he knows he would never do one because of how possessive he can get over you

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

I think he has an average looking cock which is average in both girth and height

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

I think it was pretty low before he met you. like if the chance presented himself he wouldn’t say no but he wouldn’t go out of his way to have sex. now he probably has sex about 3 times a week give or take

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

he will either go to sleep within a few minutes or he will do the exact opposite and after he’s done making sure you’re okay he’ll lay with you and watch a movie while you either watch it with him or fall asleep in his arms

[wooahaes]

a place you can come to, a place I can go to

pairing: non-idol!wonwoo x fem!reader, ft coworkers!96z

genre: romance. kinda fluffy. just a very soft fic of wonwoo coming home. established relationship.

warnings: mentions of reader and wonwoo discussing having kids one day. reader has bad eyesight. reader is mentioned to be introverted.

word count: 1.8k~

daisy's notes: title taken from the lyrics for home

Wonwoo woke up to the sound of the captain speaking, announcing that the plane would be landing within the next hour or so. With a stifled yawn, he popped open his glasses case and began to compose himself. He reached underneath the seat, pulling out his backpack and rifling through it. He found a small bag of cheap toiletries, snagged his water bottle, and squeezed past Soonyoung with a soft apology for waking him up. 

He made his way to the plane bathroom, and rubbed at his eyes after a moment. He popped open the bottle of water, wetting his toothbrush before he began doing a little bit of basic hygiene. He could have waited until he was in the airport, but he wasn’t traveling alone. Soonyoung was out there asleep, and he’d passed by where Jihoon was awake and on his laptop (always working, Wonwoo swore) next to a half-awake Jun. With his teeth brushed, he threw away the disposable  toothbrush—his own was tucked away properly in his bag, and he didn’t trust breaking it out in an airplane bathroom unless he was going to boil the thing later. Then he paused, taking a better look at himself. He looked a little tired. Would you notice that? How would you wax poetic about him this time? You once told Wonwoo that you saw him in every romantic lead you wrote, and he’d been flattered. 

He finally left the bathroom, squeezing past someone else with a quiet apology for taking so long, and passed by Jihoon once again. His coworker looked up, giving him a polite nod before looking back at his laptop for a moment. Wonwoo popped open the overhead, zipping the toiletries into his carry-on instead. The cap of his mouthwash felt faulty when he screwed it back on, and he’d rather spare his laptop from an accidental spill by shoving the cheap, plastic baggie back into his backpack. A moment later, he met Jihoon’s eyes again.

“It’s her birthday today, isn’t it?” He said, far too awake for how early it was. All Wonwoo gave him was a silent nod, and Jihoon shut his laptop. “Hold on, then.” 

Wonwoo just pressed himself against the side of Soonyoung’s seat as a single father passed by with his baby still curled up against his chest. He caught a glance of the sleeping child, chubby cheeks squished against her father’s chest. Would that be Wonwoo one day? Quietly moving to the front to ask a stewardess about something, just to avoid rousing any of the other passengers, his child asleep in his arms while you slept in your seat? He found himself diving into this daydream a little too much. He hoped his child would have your eyes, even though you’d always mused aloud saying you hoped that any kids you had would be like him. Smart, patient, kind, and they’d hopefully have some of his looks. 

“Hopefully they won’t get our eyesight,” you’d giggled at the thought, head resting against his shoulder. “God, imagine how fucked that would be.”

It earned a soft chuckle from him. He had made peace with the fact you cursed long ago. It was nice that you cut down on the habit for him, though (although he’d heard you when you were heated at someone over the phone). You respected him enough to cut back, and he respected you enough to understand that you would never entirely quit because you were you. If anything, you’d thanked him once for it: you slipped up sometimes at work and always apologized profusely for it, and dating Wonwoo helped you slow down and be conscious of what you were saying. 

He did agree, though: thankfully, eyesight was something easily taken care of, but it would be pretty fucked up if your kids had both vision problems the two of you had. You’d laughed when he told you those exact words, too, before kissing him and joking that you were a bad influence after all. He’d hold back what he thought, though. You could never be a bad influence on him. Not when you brought him so much joy.

Jihoon reached forward, tapping something against his side to get his attention back. Wonwoo turned, and it was just a plain envelope, although a little thicker than if it just contained paper. He accepted it from him with a quiet thanks.

“It’s just money and one of those pins you said she likes.” Jihoon ran his thumb along the side of his laptop. “You chose between a few of them and I bought the one you put back. Tell her I said happy birthday.” 

Not all of his friends were like this with you. Wonwoo knew Jihoon was, because it had been Jihoon and Soonyoung who introduced you two to one another. You had been a longtime friend of Soonyoung’s, and it was Jihoon who thought that you would get along well with Wonwoo. He’d only meant it in a friendly way, but Wonwoo remembered when he told Jihoon the two of you started dating. He’d looked up, blinked a few times, and then congratulated him on the new relationship. 

You told him at one point that you had lunch with the pair. After Soonyoung left to use the bathroom, Jihoon quietly asked you to take care of Wonwoo. It had made Wonwoo blush to know that Jihoon was looking after him so carefully, and he’d later offhandedly mentioned it to Jihoon. He joked that he usually saw the situation reversed in fiction: a leading lady’s friends telling him to take care of you.

Jihoon had looked up again. “I know you’ll take care of her,” was what he said, “so I wanted to make sure she does the same for you.” 

Wonwoo tucked the envelope into his bag once he settled back in, and a moment later felt Soonyoung shift and rest his head on Wonwoo’s shoulder. He just shut his eyes, resting his own head against Soonyoung’s as he enjoyed a few minutes of peace. Traveling for work wasn’t something out of the question for him—he was usually one of the ones going somewhere if anyone was going. But traveling without you? It felt weird after the first time. He would see things and quietly muse about how you would respond to them. The two of you went to Japan almost three years ago now, and he made sure that the two of you went when the cherry blossoms were blooming. His phone background was you staring up at the pink flowers, a candid he was thankful to have taken. The soft, amazed look in your eyes, the way your lips were slightly parted, all too astonished at how beautiful nature could be. It was saved for his home screen, though. A little memory exclusive to him and you and anyone who happened to notice you in that moment. His lock screen would always be a picture of the two of you together with you centered, the apple of his eye and love of his life. 

The plane eventually landed, and Wonwoo stood with Soonyoung as the pair waited for Jihoon and Jun to rejoin them. Soonyoung had been half-asleep, swaying into Wonwoo’s side a few too many times. Wonwoo just wrapped an arm around him, patting his head. He’d been unable to sleep with the turbulence earlier in the flight, and Wonwoo couldn’t blame him. 

Even still… His mind was on you. Would you be awake by the time he came home? As much as he hated knowing it, you had to work today. The two of you had already set the plans in stone before he left for this trip: he would take you out tonight to celebrate your birthday, and then the two of you would probably cuddle and sleep while recovering from work and travel. A comfortable night for two introverts in love.

Wonwoo was the one who drove everyone home with the company car. First Soonyoung, who had Jihoon following after him to make sure he didn’t trip on the stairs up to his apartment and bust something in the fall. Then Jun, who waved him onward while insisting that he go ahead and drop Jihoon off and hurry back to you. Jihoon had thanked Wonwoo for returning the car to the company, heading up to his own house with his bag hanging off of his shoulder. And then it was just Wonwoo, listening to the radio as he relaxed against the driver’s seat. Soon enough, he was on his way home to you. The cab dropped him off outside the little home he owned with you, and he walked up the stone pathway. Had you taken care of the yard, keeping it all nice and neat? Or did you get Mingyu to do it, like Wonwoo said you could? You had always insisted that you could handle everything just fine, but Wonwoo had always believed there was no shame in passing the work onto someone else (especially someone who had offered) if you wanted to rest instead. In the end, it didn’t matter. The work had been done. 

Wonwoo unlocked the front door, quietly making his way inside. He set his bag down, stretching one final time before he started to put himself in order. Tennis shoes on the shelf next to your own, house slippers pulled out from where you must have put them while cleaning the entryway, keys back on their hook… It was nice to be home again. He had bought home new things to decorate your home with, but he’d unpack them from his luggage later. Wonwoo just picked his bag back up, and made his way to your bedroom together. He cracked the door open, smiling to himself when he saw you still curled up asleep. You still had time before you had to get up for work, thankfully. And he…

Well. As much as he wanted to stay awake longer, he needed a little more sleep, too. So he left his bag by the door and crawled into bed with you, leaving his glasses on the nightstand. He turned over, ready to curl up and fall asleep, only to stop and admire you. He’d tease you later for drooling in your sleep (you made fun of his bed head so, so many times by now—it was a love language between the two of you). He just reached forward, pulling the blanket back over you so you could sleep comfortably.

Yet you stirred awake right after, eyes searching for his own in the low light. “Wonwoo…” Your voice was hoarse and quiet, but he still heard his name clear as day. You tugged at his shirt, drawing closer as you curled up in his arms. Then he felt you press a sleepy kiss to the underside of his jaw before snuggling back in. “You’re home.”

He just held you closer, eyes fluttering shut. “I’m home,” he confirmed once your arms were around him. “Happy birthday, my love.”

taglist: @twancingyunhao@synthetickitsune@wonuziex@porridgesblog@staranghae @weird-bookworm @bangchansbae @laylasbunbunny @bewoyewo

[knavesflames]

Hey knavesflames. New follower here.

Hope you are having a great day.

This is my first time ever requesting a writing and I know you could cook up a wonderful piece with it.

So basically got this idea after listening to Mitski's Washing Machine Heart (yes my life is mitski coded). So anyways, the prompt goes like how Arlecchino views the reader as a replacement for the Clervie, something along those lines (and the lyrics of the above mentioned song). All three of them were also living together in the House of Hearth during the reign of the previous Knave (I forgot her name) who Arlecchino defeated.

(I don't know if anyone else have come up with this idea).

Would love to see an angst filled story with this.

Thank you!!!!!

P.S - love your writings💙

Hello! My day is fine thank you:) the fact you trust me to cook here made me smile very much, I hope I cooked enough. Thank you for liking my stuff!!

Contents: angst, non graphic moment of sex that just turns sad as hell, arlecchino sharpen urself up

Word count: 2873

Fic under the cut:D

She was different from you and Clervie. You and Clervie were very similar, most of the kids called you twins. Happy, cheerful, protective, always talking to the other children. Peruere was not like that. She was reserved, almost cold-blooded, quiet. It quickly became obvious she cared about you both when she would quietly invite you to watch her spider do something, or when she would catch three fish instead of one, because you and Clervie were simply too loud for one to stay still. You were a trio, one the entire House of the Hearth knew, and ‘Mother’ knew. She let you all be friends, for now. But it didn’t mean she stopped punishing Clervie. If anything, she was punished more. Often coming back to your room (where you all mostly sat, because your room was the biggest) with shaky hands and a tight lipped smile after having a photo frame thrown at her, or a red face where ‘Mother’ had slapped her. Or, as she got older, even worse, when she would come back with cuts and scrapes that you and Peruere would bandage for her silently. You learned that making the bandages look pretty cheered her up, despite her always having an outward smile. And when she opened the window that night, promising that you’d all go to Snezhnaya and see the dancing lights in the sky, something in Peruere changed that day.

She became more protective, more cautious of things.. when Clervie was involved. As you entered your teenage years, you would often come back to your room, devoid of people, only to hear two people giggling in the next one. You were still a trio, you always had been and always will be. But growing up means indulging in feelings, and they seemed to have more feelings for each other than for you. They were not cruel, no. They did not mean for it to be this way. They invited you out on walks and you caught fish together like usual, but it just felt.. different. The small jokes they made, clearly private jokes you didn’t and wouldn’t understand did not go unnoticed. Neither did the small pit of loneliness that began growing inside of you. You were jealous, yes. Your two best (and only) friends seemed to like each other more than they liked you, if only in a romantic sense, and they let it cloud them when they were with you too. A bitter person, you are not, so you endured it. You still loved and cared for both of them (especially Peruere, but you refused to let Clervie feel the way you felt then) and wanted the best for them, you just wished that for a second, things could go back to the way they were.

But they didn’t. Especially not when you and Peruere stood frozen over Clervie’s fallen body, both of you trembling and breathing fitfully. ‘Mother’’s fight to be king has finally infiltrated your friendship, and Clervie was the one to fall. With Peruere holding the blade, you were convinced you’re next, with your eyes widened and filled with unshed tears (though, the past couple of years, all of your tears have been unshed).

“Peruere, please don’t.”

“I’m going to murder her.”

“..who?”

“Mother.”

“Moth-..”

Your voice trails off as it shakes, your ears thoroughly listening to Peruere’s admittance of her plan, of the future matricide she did in fact go on to commit. You were the one to bury Clervie and place lumidouce bells around her body, closing her eyes and placing the small teddies you three had of each other next to her. Arlecchino was the one who avenged her, brutally murdering her before quickly being imprisoned.

Eventually, after taking Crucabena’s place as the Knave, after becoming ‘Father’, changing her name to Arlecchino, you both began dating. A drunken night turned into dating and living together. Perhaps it was grief stricken, perhaps she really did feel that type of affection for you, the way you have for her for so long. The way you have silently yearned for her has not gone unnoticed by the people around you. What is also noticed, what has been noticed since the day you met Clervie, is your similarities. You both are very similar, you always have been. Kind, cheerful, you both even say the same things, enjoy the same foods. Most used to joke that you were secretly twins, you and Arlecchino know that, but the joke came to an end when Clervie met hers. It was never spoken of again, and neither was she. Barely, anyway. Years went past, and it seemed both of you were happy in the relationship you both had carved from tragedy. Though, you ignored the niggling feeling in your chest when Arlecchino would come home and surprise you with a bouquet of flowers. It wasn’t the fact you received flowers, no, that made your heart warm. It was about which flowers and what she said along with it.

“I saw some lumidouce bells as I walked home. Here, dear, your favourite.”

The phrase alone is all good and well, but.. they are not your favourite flowers. They never have been. You have always preferred lakelight lilies, and she should have known that after over a decade knowing you. Lumidouce bells were the favourite of Clervie, not you. The strange feeling in your chest swells with every new bouquet you receive, until receiving flowers is no longer a pleasant thing. The feeling is pushed back again and again, until she comes home one evening, the keys jingling against the door. The familiar sound of the paper around the bouquet is audible again, and you feel your stomach sink slightly when you see the familiar lumidouce bells.

“Look what the florist had today, dear.”

“So they did. Thank you, love.”

You take them with a small lump in your throat and a tight smile, delicately placing them in water and giving one a small pat, a habit you picked up many years ago as a nod to your best friend. Your mind wanders, though, and eventually, you bite the bullet and ask.

“Did they have any lakelight lilies?”

“They always do. Why?”

You wonder why she doesn’t buy those instead.

“No, no reason. They’re pretty, don’t you think?”

You are not talking about the flowers when you ask this, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear and smiling softly. She glances up with the faintest smile of her own before continuing to undo her heels, the heels you know she has killed many with.

“Not as pretty as lumidouce bells, in my opinion.”

You have to turn swiftly to hide the twist of your expression, the hurt that flashes over it as you grit your teeth together so hard they should have turned to dust already. You manage out an “alright” before beelining towards the kitchen to make dinner. You don’t even know if she knew you were not asking about the appearance of the flowers, if she understood you were asking about your own, to try to find some affirmation in the sea of self loathing. It stung nonetheless, but you realise you cannot be angry if you didn’t say it outright. Still, the thought lingers, eating away at you as you zone out, letting your hands chop the carrot too finely before shaking yourself out of it. You can’t stay upset for long though, when her hands snake around you and she praises you for your food making skills, murmuring that it smells good. So, the thought is forgotten, left behind for a night of overthinking that will inevitably come. For now, though, for tonight, you enjoy dinner. Steak tartare, (you scrapped the carrot), laughing lightly when she draws an ‘x’ over it with sauce to match her eyes. The rest of the evening goes the way all of your evenings go. Contentedly, quietly. She agreed long ago to not bring Fatui doings into the home. You grew up with that and you don’t want to deal with that again, which she respects, so, you don’t speak about work, a relief for both you and her. You watch a movie, a boring movie neither of you really like, that leads to channelling the inner teenager and making out on the sofa. You can’t hide the giggle that escapes you when she lifts you up, carrying you and placing you on the bed before proceeding to undress you. Before long, you’re naked, moaning her name softly in pleasure, both names of hers. ‘Peruere’ is reserved only for this, only for moments of intimacy or when you’re alone. In return, she loves to whisper sweet nothings against the shell of your ear, enjoying the way your body squirms against her.

“It’s good. Please keep going.”

“Good girl. You’re so pretty, the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen, Clervie.”

Oh.. oh. You freeze. She doesn’t. Despite her movements still continuing, the pleasure is gone as quickly as it came and your ears begin to ring as you pale. A shaky hand comes to her chest, pushing her away as you shake your head, swallowing hard.

“Stop. Stop it. I don’t want—“

She stops immediately, a concerned look on her face. Her hand moves to comfort you, to ask what’s wrong but your own hand slaps hers away gently.

“What…? What happened?”

The way you sit up, your once pink cheeks now pale, your eyes wide and your breathing shallow concerns her. When you don’t speak, she stays silent, staring at you as your mouth opens and closes. You know you heard her right, it was clearer than the sky in Fontaine during June. The worst part is that she doesn’t even realise she’s done it. Your stomach is twisting, your chest aching harder than it has in years as you finally manage to speak.

“You called me by her name.”

“I did not.”

“You did.”

When you think about everything in hindsight, the way she (accidental or not is still hard to tell) indirectly said you weren’t pretty earlier with the flowers, and now, during sex of all things, told you that you were the prettiest girl she had ever seen, only to call you by someone else’s name makes you realise it wasn’t you she was talking to at all. She wasn’t calling you pretty, she was calling Clervie pretty. And she wasn't thinking about you at all. Suddenly, the fact you’re naked becomes all too apparent and your hands clutch at the various blankets, covering yourself out of insecurity. A wave of nausea fills you for a second before you speak again.

“I’m not her. You know that, right?”

“I know.”

“I was naked underneath you and you were not even thinking of me.”

“I was, I..”

How many times has she thought about Clervie while having sex with you? How many times has she wished it was Clervie underneath her instead? Your brain begins a whirlwind of thoughts, barely giving each one time to form before another one comes. Then, the words spill out of your mouth before you can stop yourself, your shaky, quiet voice echoing the room and cutting through the awkward tension.

“Do you wish it was me that died instead of her? Do you even know me at all?”

“Of course I know you.”

She didn’t answer the first question, it dawns on you. It hurts too much to bring it up again, not when you know how her avoidance of the question is an affirmative.

“What is my favourite flower, Peruere?”

Her true name comes out of your mouth in what seems to be an attempt at a sneer, but ends up as a sad whisper, your voice quivering with the force of your contained tears. Arlecchino’s own voice is quiet, softer than it usually is.

“Lumidouce bells.”

“No.”

“You loved them as a child, you had a necklace—“

“No, Clervie had a necklace. I like lakelight lilies.”

Arlecchino’s own face pales slightly at the memory of your earlier question. The way your face looked at her with your crooked smile that held that slight tinge of hope, only for you to immediately turn (not before your face fell, she noticed that, but didn’t understand) and walk away. She goes to speak, but you cut her off, a tearful, small voice that’s so unlike you.

“When is my birthday?”

“April 23rd.”

“That is Clervie’s birthday. My birthday is in December.”

“But—“

“You don’t think I’m pretty. You think she is pretty. You have not moved on, you still love her. You— you do not love me and you do not know me at all.”

The silence that follows confirms everything, and a choked sob fills the air at the newfound knowledge. You let your head fall to your knees, quiet sobs wracking your frame as Arlecchino sits beside you, a hand hovering over your back.

“My dear.”

“Do not call me such a thing, Peruere. Not when it is not me you wish to be saying it to. Say my name. Say my name, and tell me you love me and mean it.”

“You must take a breath.”

She does not say it and your heart shatters.

“You do not say it because you can’t. You did not ever love me, you loved her. I am the closest thing you can get to her, so you settled for me and you live your life pretending I am her. What is it, exactly, about me that isn’t good enough compared to her? Why not me?”

“I don’t know. You are wonderful.”

“Yet I am not enough.”

“You are.”

“Not to you.”

The utter heartbreak and anguish in your voice rips through Arlecchino’s body. Not many things get to her like this but her best friend lover crying like this, the insecurity and shame radiating off of her body is heartbreaking to her and she feels the guilt rise in her stomach. You have your head buried into the blankets as your body wracks with soft cries. Being stabbed would hurt less than this, you think. Hurt less than being used to live in a fantasy where Clervie didn’t die.

“Should I go for a walk?”

“Yes, go.”

How enthusiastic your response was, she wonders. Though, she knows what she has done even without meaning to do it. She stands up, clothing herself silently before slipping out of the room. You hear her feet padding down the hall, and eventually her leaving the house and her softly muttering to herself as she passes the window. You want to hate her, you want to punch her and throw all of the flowers out of the window. At the same time, you can’t even bring yourself to think of looking in the mirror and seeing the face your girlfriend does not find pretty. Nor can you bring yourself to walk to your living room and find a picture of the face your girlfriend does find pretty. All you can bring yourself to do is dress yourself in the first clothes you can find before letting yourself fall back into bed, sniffling with a look of misery on your face. You wonder when she’s coming back. You wonder if she’s coming back at all. You wonder if you care. You do, but you wish you didn’t. You wish you didn’t love her the way she loves Clervie. Or, rather, you wish she loved you the way she loves Clervie.

[gatorbites-imagines]

The Hobie brown x male reader fics are non existent and it’s so confusing. Like he’s so fruity????

Sooooo- could u do hc’s for Hobie please? :0 either smut fluff or both! <3

Thank u <3

Hobie Brown nsfw alphabet

Have an alphabet :)

I am 100% blaming @trianglesimp for some of these headcanons, cuz oh boy. They got some of that toe curling content.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Hobie would of course do aftercare if he ever topped, but he bottoms most of the time, so you’re the one who’s gotta take care of him instead. He doesn’t need too much, maybe a wet wipe to get some of the spit and cum off his face, if he’s feeling it, and you checking in on him, but other than that your good.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favorite part about himself is probably his legs or his lips, on you its your dick, or your hands and shoulders.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Hobie nasty, but in the good way. He doesn’t care where you cum, as long as its on him or in him, or both. The type to gargle your cum if you bust in his mouth, just because. Or sticks his tongue out and lets it drip all over the floor or your lap.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

I cant see Hobie as the kind to have a dirty secret, why keep it a secret when he could tell you and have you do it to him, you know? Dirtiest secret is that he collects Pokemon cards or something like that, wont admit he likes it.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Pretty damn experienced, isn’t the kind to beat around the bush and has had his handful of one night stands or short relationships. The kind to try things out if they sound interesting, and keep doing them if he likes them.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Likes anything really. But if you are a fellow spiderman, you guys fuck on the ceiling more than either of you like to admit. Likes to be pushed up against the wall chest first, or for you to fuck his face.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Never takes anything too seriously. Would pick up a phone call if his phone rang. Takes you out of his mouth to answer his watch from the spider alliance, see what they want, and take you back into his mouth after, or even during the call if it’s boring.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Doesn’t put too much effort into it, sure he still wants to look good but doesn’t put too many hours into it.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

In the beginning of your relationship, I can’t see him as too romantic, but after a while and you two really do fall in love, he has his moments where he just wants to make love or babbles about how much he loves you.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Doesn’t jerk off a whole lot. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a high libido, because he does, but he just goes to you if he needs to get off. Why do it himself when hes got you around to help him.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Voyeurism.

Marking (Hickeys, spit, cum, knifeplay, etc)

Choking

Makeup stains (like making him suck you off when hes wearing lipstick, runny mascara, etc)

Powerplay

Praise kink

Degradation kink

Taking photos and videos

Semi public or even fully public

Collars or wearing a lock on a chain

Wearing a plug or different toys after you’ve filled him

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Anywhere, anytime. He does not care, as long as there’s enough space for you guys to fit.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Not too hard to get Hobie going tbh. Just look at him right, grab his thigh or put your hand in his back pockets. Send him a text to meet you in the bathrooms, or just motion towards it. He isn’t picky.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

I like to think he would try out most things, but something he would never do is things like raceplay, or finance play. Why would he want to bring something like capitalism into the bedroom.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Prefers giving, but has nothing against receiving. Just likes going down on you even more than he likes when you do it on him. Has no gag reflex, or has very little of a gag reflex, so he can easily take all of you and just let you warm on his tongue if need be.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

You guys’ pace tends to be pretty fast, mainly because you’re both worked up and don’t have the patience for going slow. Of course, you guys have moments where you take it slowly and full of love, but for the most part its quick and dirty.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

All for quickies, Hobie loves them. You don’t even have to ask for the most part.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

I like to think Hobie is the type to try out most things once to see if its anything he likes, so he’d be up to try anything you bring to the table, as long as you’ll try anything he brings in too.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Because of the spider bite he’s got incredible stamina, and there’s no way for you to keep up unless you were bitten too or have powers of your own. Could go all night and all morning if he wanted too, and still go out for patrol, if that says anything.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Owns a handful of toys, but for the most part its toys you guys can use together, or you can use on him. Hed rather just wait for you to get home to get off, instead of using toys.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

A big tease, loves to tease you and wear the clothes he knows you love, or rub up against you when you guys are supposed to just be hanging out. You give as good as you get though, which Hobie loves too.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Mans is loud and isn’t scared of being vocal. Its lead to you having to clamp a hand over his mouth as you fuck him, which just makes Hobie even louder, it’s a horrible cycle.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Knows how to sew, knit, anything really. Uses it to patch up his battle vest, or other clothes of his or yours. Why go out and get new stuff when he can just fix it himself. Knows how to make a pretty amazing orange cake for some reason.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Above average in length, but isn’t too thick, a nice size that needs a bit of work to get ready for, and you might be intimidated the first time you see it if you wanna take it in your mouth. A few veins. Cut.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Has a pretty high drive, and unless you are a spider person too it can be a little hard to keep up most days. But if you are exhausted, he will take care of himself if he has too.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Id you guys are in your bedroom he’d fall asleep pretty quickly after, as long as you are in the bed with him. But if its anywhere else he just walks it off like nothing happened.

[rainba]

ღ NSFW Alphabet - Kairos ღ

I finally got around to filling this it for him!! I hope I did this right. >_<

CW/tags: 18+, mentions of pee (non-sexually in the A category), slightly creepy behaviors from Kairos, mentions of Somnophilia, Kairos with a mild eating disorder (under the X category and nowhere else. B category might be mildly triggering under this topic too.)

MDNI.

GN reader!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Kairos is overwhelmingly sappy right after sex. Every time the two of you finish and he collapses beside you, he’d definitely paint you with kisses while thanking you profusely. He’d also absolutely refuse to let you go, too– his arms clinging to your waist as he rests his face in the crook of your neck. It wouldn’t even matter if you needed to go to the bathroom, he’ll follow you right in there. (ﾉ´ з `)ノ

Side note: If you have a pussy, Kairos will definitely beg you to let him sit on your lap as you pee. If you have a dick, Kairos will beg you to let him hold it as you pee. o(>< )o

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

For Kairos, his favorite body part of his partner’s would have to be their mouth/lips! After all, the lips are where he kisses you, it’s where your words come from, and– truthfully, Kairos kind of has a mild oral fixation.

He just thinks your lips are just so cute and enticing…! ( ˙꒳​˙ )

As for his favorite parts of himself– he honestly just likes his stomach area. He doesn’t really know why, but he has a strange fascination with running his fingers over his ribcage, poking at them and staring at it in a mirror. However, his favorite body part will change, depending on what you compliment him the most on.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

For many reasons, Kairos really likes to both taste cum and to cum inside your mouth. ^^;;;; He sees it as something extremely romantic! Like… You’re tasting him, consuming a part of him, part of him is (in some way) becoming a part of you! And when he tastes you, the same thing applies to him. It’s as if the two of you are merging, in a sense. ⸜( *ˊᵕˋ* )⸝

Oh, also, he’s not above eating his own cum too. There will be times where he comes undone on your body then fervently licks it all up. ^^;;;;;;

After he's finished, he’ll probably tongue kiss you, pushing some of his cum into your mouth and making sure that you swallow both his spit and semen. Err… I hope you’re into that, in some way, because the idea of doing that sounds like a dream to him...! ( ´ ▿ ` )

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Kairos has so many dirty secrets, it’s impossible to name just one. 

His most obvious dirty secret would be that he’s snuck into your place multiple times– stealing lots of your clothing, both clean and dirty. Also, um… He may or may not have used your body to get himself off while you slept. ^^;;;;; 

He’s never been confident enough to actually fuck you as you slept or anything, though…! Kairos has only ever used your thighs and hands. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Poor Kairos has absolutely zero experience. Kissing? Nope. Romantic hand holding? Absolutely not. He hasn't even hugged anyone before! He's incredibly touch starved, before he meets you.

The only things he knows about sex (prior to being with you) is from porn and random threads he reads online. Sigh. ☆⌒(>。<)

So, when you first start having sex, expect him to be really messy and insecure the entire time! He’d be the type to get so excited about giving you his virginity that he cums before he can even get his boxers off. >_<

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Kairos’ favorite position would actually be something similar to missionary! He mostly just adores any position where he can see your face the entire time. Your expressions are one of his favorite things ever. (¯▿¯)

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Kairos would be the type that tries so hard to be serious that it becomes goofy. (*^^*)♡

Sometimes he tries to say something that comes off as ‘domineering and sexy’, but he stutters on his words and his voice cracks. It just comes off as cute and pathetic.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Kairos would try to shave, but honestly, he’s pretty bad at it. Plus, razors get really expensive…! So he just keeps his hair down there very short and trimmed. He honestly doesn’t grow much hair down there, anyway… Plus, his hairs are actually white. ^^;;;;;;; 

(I imagine his natural hair color is white, but he dyes half of it black.)

(ᴵ'ᵐ ᵍᶦᵍᵍˡᶦⁿᵍ ᵃᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᶦᵈᵉᵃ ᵒᶠ ᴷᵃᶦʳᵒˢ ᵈʸᵉᶦⁿᵍ ʰᶦˢ ʰᵃᶦʳ ᵈᵒʷⁿ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ ʰᵃˡᶠ ᵇˡᵃᶜᵏ, ᵗᵒᵒ.)

He'll shave completely for you, though, if you ask him to!!

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Kairos is very romantic! During the moment, he wants the both of you to always feel really good, and he’ll make sure to ask how you’re doing throughout sex.

However, there will be times where he loses control over himself, and he can go a bit… Overboard while chasing his climax. ^^;;;; But he apologizes afterwards!

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

In the past, Kairos has definitely tried to make some DIY sex toys, but… They never really worked out for him. So, most of the time, he just uses his hands. >_< He always prefers to have his face buried in your clothes while he touches himself, taking in your scent that lingers on it. He also tries to find lewd 'x Listener' audios online and looks for people who have voices that sound like yours.

If… If he’s feeling particularly horny, the go-to clothing item that he buries his face in is your used underwear… ☆ｏ(＞＜；)○

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Kairos’ most prominent kinks are definitely somnophilia, face-fucking (both giving and receiving), knife play, praise, worshipping, etc. >_<

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

It’s… A bit of a boring answer, but honestly, he just really likes the bed. It’s so soft and cozy, so warm and intimate! His bed is the perfect spot for it all to happen. If he has to give a second answer, he also likes having sex on his computer chair.

He’d absolutely love it if you rode his dick while he’s on his computer, or if you sneak underneath his desk and give him head while he tries to work or play games. ღ

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Honestly, just about anything turns him on when it comes to you.

Your skin is showing a bit? His face is now all red. You bend over or stretch in front of him? Now he’s thinking lewd thoughts. You whisper something dirty in his ear or mention something that even hints at the idea of sex? He’s sweating and rubbing his thighs together.

(´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

There’s honestly not much that he would say no to. Whatever you want is ultimately what Kairos wants…! So, even if he seems mildly uncomfortable about something at first, he’ll grow to like it if you love it.

I think one thing he would say no to is being cucked or starting an open relationship. Honestly, suggesting those things to him would make him start crying on the spot. (っ´ω`)ﾉ(╥ω╥)

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Kairos absolutely loves both giving and receiving. While he might not be very good at giving, he’d be so enthusiastic about it that it’s really endearing! Kairos would want to try all kinds of techniques and positions– both ways.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Kairos has a weird tendency to awkwardly shift back and forth between fast and slow, rough and sensual. In one second, he’ll be thrusting his hips like a wild animal, and in the next, he’ll be moving dreadfully slow.

There is usually a thought process behind this: he goes extremely fast when he’s not thinking straight, but when he feels himself about to cum, he’ll stop moving so quickly, just because he wants to keep fucking you for a little bit longer. ღ

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Kairos doesn’t mind quickies– he likes them! But he prefers to take his time and be intimate with you. He adores lots of foreplay, and he also loves aftercare. (o^ ^o)

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Kairos would definitely like to experiment and take risks. He finds the idea of experimenting to be really exciting, and he also believes that it’ll keep you attached to him, if the two of you are always trying new things.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Kairos’ stamina is… Not good. He gets tired really fast, since exercise is not his thing. But it never really stops him! He’ll keep fucking you until he physically collapses from exhaustion. ^^;;;;;;;;;

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

As much as Kairos would love to own a ton of toys, he can’t exactly afford any. ^^;;; As stated earlier, he has tried to make some DIY ones in the past, but they never really turned out too good.

However, if you buy some for him, he’ll be truly ecstatic to try them out! He’ll really push to use them on you, but also… Can… Can you use them on him? Please?

Strap a vibrator to his cock, or push one deep inside of his ass… Or do both.

Turn up the settings to the max as you overstimulate him for hours, leaving him a drooling mess while he helplessly squirms and mumbles out incoherent sentences. ( ´ ꒳ ` )

And… And can you do this to him while you cuddle and pet him? Please? And can you praise him too?

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Kairos likes to tease a little bit, but his teasing isn’t very… Effective. He’s someone who’s much more used to being teased instead. >_<

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Kairos is, unintentionally, very loud. He moans, he whines, he whimpers, and he cries. He just can’t help it–! Being vocal for you is part of how he expresses his love!

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Kairos has very sensitive nipples. ( ` ω ´ )

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) (cw: ED)

Kairos is… A little malnourished and pale, very slender. He hardly ever sees the sun, and he barely gets anything good to eat, if he can afford meals at all. Just lots of cheap sweets and cup ramen...

(Plus, there are times where he refuses to eat for days on end- simply because he believes he doesn't deserve to eat. Although, that doesn't happen very often.)

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Always yearning… Always pining… You’re on his mind first thing in the morning, and you’re the last thing he thinks about right before he sleeps. If the two of you aren’t together, he masturbates to the thought of you at least once a day, and when you are together, he’ll want to have sex with you at least once a day as well. („• ᴗ •„)

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Kairos definitely falls asleep near-instantly. His stamina is pretty bad, so after having sex, he’ll be completely spent. And, honestly, the sleep he gets afterwards is the best sleep he ever gets. ღ