#so i used a different chapter from one of our textbooks and responded to That instead. thinking it was more of a dealers choice situation

[wlw-cryptid]

[forevamark]

3. i'm gonna yak! | time lapse l.mk

Pairing: mark lee x fem!reader

Tags: pre idol debut to idol au, christmas and new years time line, slice of life moments, college student reader, substantial plot leading to smut, very dialogue heavy, angsty moments, slow burn, relationship struggle, lovers to exes to lovers

Intended for 18+ readers, minors do not interact.

masterlist for time lapse

previous ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ next

Word Count : 6.3k+

Summary: Mark has always had the dream of becoming a big music star, meanwhile your aspirations lied with academics and coexisting with Mark. Mark struggles with telling reader that he will be leaving for Korea to pursue his music career very soon, in fear of losing what they have.

warnings are under the tab for chapters that apply.

—-

December 1, 2023

“So you have slept with him… right?” Kathy interrogates ignoring her stacks of papers.

You two were situated in the library cramming for the last exam of your undergraduate career. 

“I have not,” you responded lazily while flipping through the textbook in front of you, “As I told you before, I don’t even know if I’m ready for a relationship yet.”

“It’s been almost a year y/n! Don’t let this go because of He Who Shall Not Be Named…” Kathy groans while attempting to loosen your grip on your pencil, “Seungcheol is so hot, plus he’s a gentleman!”

“I feel like those should have been reversed,” you giggle, finally setting down your things and looking at her, “But yes, he is indeed very hot.”

“Stop holding back! Bring him to the annual Christmas hangout! I’m sure seeing him with all of us will make things a bit more realistic for you. Izaiah is hosting Christmas and New Year’s again. Hopefully, we can rewrite some sour memories and replace them with some sweet ones.”

It wouldn’t be a bad idea. Seungcheol is everything that makes sense as a long-term commitment- not to mention he is someone who wants a long-term commitment with you.

“Okay fine, maybe I will bring him.”

Kathy cheered a loud burst of excitement that elicited a few shushes and glares from around you two.

“Now can we go back to finishing our work? I want to finish all my classwork before the Christmas party this weekend.”

Kathy smiles and nods in agreeance.

Kathy: He will be there this weekend, right? 

Izaiah: Yes he will. Is she prepared? 

Kathy: I think she will be okay 🙂

December 2, 2023

“Red or white?” you ask Seungcheol as you hold up two different dresses in your room, him lying on your bed scrolling lazily before looking up at you.

“Red, it is Christmas after all!” he smiles before continuing to scroll.

Today is the day that Seungcheol will be introduced, properly, to your friend group. As you tugged the mascara through your eyelashes you couldn’t help but wonder what you should even introduce him as. 

“Hey guys! Merry Christmas! This is my friend that I don’t know if he’s more than a friend, sir-friend, Seungcheol!” 

Ick. You shook your head and pulled your pajamas on. You walked out meeting Seungcheol at the door as he laced his shoes, him in matching pajamas.

He grabbed his keys and the mac and cheese from the kitchen table before meeting your anxious gaze, “Ready?”

-

The crisp winter air filled with the aroma of pine and chimney smoke greeted me as you both approached Izaiah’s house. His neighborhood was adorned with twinkling Christmas lights, and the anticipation of warmth and joy hung in the air. You two reached the doorstep and knocked on the festive wreath-adorned door.

The door creaked open, revealing Izaiah’s smiling face. His eyes sparkled with excitement as he welcomed you both inside. The cozy living room was transformed into a winter wonderland, adorned with tinsel, ornaments, and a beautifully decorated Christmas tree that stood proudly in the corner.

“It’s about time!” Izaiah exclaims while pulling you into his warm home, “I was wondering when you would show up.” 

“Hi Izaiah, it really has been a while huh?” 

He chuckles as you and Seungcheol shuffle in from the cold and take your shoes off.  The boys share a hug and close the door.

“Yes, far too long! Congrats by the way! Finally done, welcome to the alum life!” 

“I’m so happy I’m done. Now let’s just hope I don’t fall on that stage.”

Friends surround you two greeting you two with holiday cheers and introductions.

A smile creeps onto your face as Seungcheol brightens the room even further with his charisma and charm.

"Hey there! Merry Christmas!" Kathy exclaimed, giving you a warm hug. The sounds of cheerful holiday music and laughter filled the air. The room was bathed in the soft glow of fairy lights, casting a warm and inviting ambiance.

"I love what you've done with the place. It's like stepping into a Christmas dream," you say, taking in the festive atmosphere.

"Thanks! I went all out this year. Come on, let’s eat," Izaiah said, leading us through the festively decorated rooms. The fireplace crackled with a gentle warmth, casting a comforting glow over the room. 

In the kitchen, the scent of freshly baked cookies wafted through the air. A plate of gingerbread men, snowflake-shaped sugar cookies, and chocolate truffles tempted you from the counter. Kathy pointed proudly at the treats.

"I spent all morning baking. Help yourself!"

You two settled into the cozy living room, surrounded by the glow of Christmas lights. The flickering flames in the fireplace danced to the rhythm of the laughter and conversation. Festive ornaments dangled from the tree, and wrapped presents nestled beneath its branches.

As you all shared stories and caught up on each other's lives, the joy of the season was evident. Seungcheol’s energy felt like he was always a part of your little group. He was extroverted, making jokes here and there and telling crazy stories from his fraternity. Everyone loved him, and maybe you were included in that everyone? The room echoed with the warmth of friendship, and the spirit of Christmas was alive and well. 

The memories of the year prior hung heavy in your heart as you saw the same curtains you hid behind as you played with the little kids. The way Mark would stand against the counter, his eyes never leaving your frame as you held a baby. You remember in that moment you wanted so badly for that baby to be yours, to be his. 

Your mindless thoughts were shaken away as Seongcheol laid a lazy arm around your shoulder and gave you an ‘Are you okay’ eyebrow raise. You gave him a thumbs up before trying to settle between his arms on the couch. 

A doorbell cut off Kathy retelling a story of how you both got lost during your study abroad trip in Peru.

“Terry my boy!” Kathy shrieked as she was nearing the penultimate part of the story, “Get the door!” 

“I need to break the seal!” He shouts back, running towards the bathroom, “I’m going to pee myself from laughter!” 

You chuckle before standing up. “I’ll get it don’t worry.”

“Actually! How about I get it!” Izaiah squeaks while standing up quickly almost racing you to the door, “I am the host after all!” he sings.

“I’m already here!” you giggle pushing him out of the way.

“Please I insist!” He chuckles uneasily, starting to shove you harder, “Go get a drink!”

“I have one I’m fine-” you shove back playfully.

“Then get me one,” he grips your shoulders tightly, “please?”

“Okay…” you eye him wearily before walking backward, “Who is late anyways? Everyone is here.” 

Walking back into the living room everybody is tense. Kathy hurriedly meets you at the minibar as you pull out a glass, “So Seungcheol is assimilating in nicely I see!” 

“Yeah, I guess he is…” you mumble while pouring the gin. Commotion came from the door, greeting the new face to the party.

Kathy turns your frame to face her, “I’m so glad you brought him! You two are like perfect together!” 

“I don’t know if perfect is the word…” you bump into her lightly, “It’s only been like a month.”

“Well, a lot changed in a month! You’re finally all smiley after a year of Miss Grumpy, I’d say let’s cheers to that!” She raises her cup to meet yours.

“This isn’t even mine,” you chuckle before clinking glasses with her.

“Well trust me you’re going to need that shot!” She hurriedly lifted the cup to your lips and felt the liquid burn down your throat. 

“That sucked!” you yelled while making a face.

“Not as much as this…” She mumbled while pouring you another.

“Woah slow down!” you laughed about to stop her, but she handed you the glass again.

“No no… you’ll need that!”

Before you could protest you heard something from behind that made you drop the glass on the floor, everyone’s head turning towards you, the silence deafening. 

“Merry Christmas everyone!” the voice rasped out before turning towards the mess of a noise you made.

There he stood. Looking more amazing than ever. His hair was a light brown, not put together but gorgeously effortless. His cheeks were dusted pink, growing more red by the second as you two stood there taking each other in. The room seemed to start spinning as you took in the man you once knew so fondly. 

He’s changed a lot, yet not at all. His posture was better, long gone was that slouch that used to slump over his guitar in your apartment. His style was still the same, baggy sweaters and sweatpants only this time adorned in name brands that probably cost the same as your semesterly tuition. But his hands. They gleamed in the silver jewelry, rings stacked with bracelets to match. 

Your hands shook as he felt time still staring at the woman he never stopped loving. Your curves hugging your silk red pajamas, fluffy socks with small snowmen. It’s you. It’s always been you.

“y/n” he breathed out. 

“Mark-” you whispered. 

“Oh my God! It’s thee, Mark Lee!” You heard from across the room breaking your eye contact between you two, Mark’s unmoving.

“Dude, you are a legend!” Seungcheol said while motioning to Mark to dap him up. Mark doesn’t look away as he accepts his handshake and mumbles a small thank you. 

“Babe, you never told me you know Mark Lee?” Seungcheol says while wrapping an arm around you, “The pride of our town, man, thee, Mark Lee.”

“Babe?” Mark scoffs while narrowing his eyes at Seungcheol, finally breaking eye contact to take in your two matching pajamas. 

“Not official,” Seungcheol laughs before heading towards the fridge, “But don’t worry, we’ll lock that down soon,” he winks at you before turning back to Mark, “Yo bro, want a drink? I bet you have so many stories, you know, with you being famous and all.”

Mark shook the thousands of angry thoughts away from his mind and managed to shake out a stiff nod accepting the beer and taking a hefty gulp.

“Let me help you clean that,” Mark marches over to your still frozen yet shaking self.

“It’s fine.” you squeak as he kneels starting to pick the glass up with his bare hands.

“Like I’m going to have you hurt yourself…” Mark mumbles while picking the large shards.

Anger began to resurface, along with pain and hurt, “It’s fine, you already did.”

Pushing past him, you run to the bathroom to finally get some air that your lungs didn’t seem to be taking in. Sliding down the door you let the tears fall.

It’s him. It’s him. It’s him.

—

"So, Mark, how do you know y/n?” Seungcheol asked, taking a sip of his beer in the living room. He sat adjacent to Mark, your friends scattered across the room, eyeing the scene in front of them carefully.

Mark forced a smile, hiding the twinge of discomfort. "We've known each other for a few years. We’re friends. Met in grade school. We were… best friends.”

Seungcheol nodded, genuinely interested in getting to know the famous man better. "That's cool. She is a great person. What made you two so close?”

The room took in a quick gasp, Seungcheol too oblivious to notice.

Mark hesitated for a moment, carefully choosing his words. "We just crossed paths naturally, you know? Izaiah and I were friends, played basketball together, and she would always be there. She was always there.”

Seungcheol smiled, oblivious to any underlying tension from Mark’s response. “That’s crazy, dude.”

Mark nods.

“She like, never mentioned you. I always just thought it was her and Kathy as the 4lyfers.”

Mark's eyes flickered, masking the unease he felt. "Yeah, we've always been on good terms. It’s just you know… the new life as an idol and all…”

Mixed knowing looks were exchanged around the room as everybody tried to not scoff at his words.

Seungcheol had no problem talking about himself. He chatted about work, hobbies, and shared interests. Seungcheol's excitement grew, not only did he achieve another level with you today by meeting the rest of your friends, but he also met your longest best friend. He had been contemplating asking you to be his girlfriend, and he couldn't help but share his thoughts with Mark.

"You know, Mark, everyone, I've been thinking about something. Christmas is just around the corner, and I'm planning to ask y/n if she'd like to be my girlfriend. I enjoy spending time with her, and I feel like it's the right time to take things to the next level," Seungcheol confessed, a hint of nervousness in his voice.

Everyone oohed and ahhed at his confession, but everyone’s attention was on Mark.

Mark's forced smile faltered for a moment, his internal struggle evident. "That sounds like a great idea. I hope it works out for you two,” his words tasted like vinegar, his voice laced with jealousy and hurt.

Seungcheol grinned, oblivious to the conflicting emotions in Mark's mind. "Thanks, man. I appreciate your support. I'll make it special for her."

Little did Seungcheol know, the conversation had stirred a storm of resentment within Mark. As he contemplated the upcoming confession, Mark couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy and regret, concealing the complicated history between you two. The holiday season seemed to hold more than just festive cheer; it carried the weight of untold secrets and unspoken feelings.

–

You couldn’t wait in this bathroom forever. You knew that. 

But why the fuck was he here?

He was supposed to be gone at least for three years. At least.

You were still trying to figure everything out with Seungcheol. And how dare he just claim you like that in front of everybody? You weren’t even ready to be in a relationship yet… right?

But why not? Why couldn’t you be?

You took more deep breaths while staring intently in the mirror trying to level yourself. 

You’re fine. You’ve been fine for a long time. He’s old news, and truthfully you’re probably even older news to him. 

Patting under your eyes and straightening out your clothes, you said some affirmations before tugging on the door handle. 

I’m fine. It’s all good.

“There she is!” Kathy shouted while rising to her feet, and rushing over to you, “How are you doing?” she whispered while pulling you softly into a hug.

“You fucking knew didn’t you?” you sneered back with a fake smile.

“So sorry! But no way to get over it completely without ripping the bandaid off completely!” she pouts, “Plus…” she wiggled her eyebrows, “What is the best way to show your ex that you’re doing great? How about a hot new boyfriend?”

You sigh as you mull over her words… maybe Seungcheol would be a great way to rub it into Mark’s face.

“Sorry, y’all!” you present to everyone while making your way to Mark, “Just couldn’t believe my bestie boo was back after all this time!” you shove him hard as you pull him into a threatening hug, “What a Christmas miracle huh?”

“Haha…” Mark chuckled with a confused tone while returning your tight embrace taking in a deep breath of your scent, “Guess Santa came early!”

“Coal would have been just as fine…” you hum pulling away and walking towards Seungcheol and plopping right onto his awaiting lap.

“So Mark,” you start in a sickly sweet voice, “How’s Korea been treating you?”

“It’s good.” He flatly says while throwing daggers towards your happy frame sitting on a more than glee Seungcheol.

“Hmm… And being famous, how’s that?” you uninterestingly reply while playing with Seungcheol’s hair.

“It’s great. But I don’t love having to hide just to go to the store and get some snacks.”

A few laughs ricocheted off the walls from your friends.

“But you’re used to that right?” you turn to him, “Ya know, hiding?”

“Something like that,” he whispered through tight lips. 

“How about being a big-time idol? What’s it like reaching your big dreams?” you make a show of jazz hands emphasizing your sarcasm.

“Not my dreams, not yet,” he sighs his eyes becoming sad.

“Always wanting more, right? Never could be satiated here right?” you felt your anger starting to bubble while you eyed down Mark.

“Woah, y/n, calm down a bit yeah? Mark has probably been through a lot to get where he is now. You gotta respect that!” Seungcheol eased into your ear trying to deescalate the palpable uneasiness from you.

“Oh no, yeah Mark has done a lot!” Izaiah chimes in cutting the tension, “Now enough catching up! Welcome back, Mark! Now let’s play some music, karaoke maybe? And let’s get this Christmas party started!”

Everyone seemed to snap out of the drama scene that was happening in front of them before finally cheering along and dispersing toward different parts of the room.

–

“Y/n,” Seuncheol cleared his throat from behind you during a game of cup pong, “I think Mark might have like a thing for you or something…” 

You turned to him with frantic eyes, “No! No! No, he wouldn’t. That’s dumb. You’re dumb. He’s dumb. Why would you say something so dumb?” you quickly spew.

“I don’t know… He keeps staring at you like he wants to eat you or something…” he whispers into your ear pulling you closer, his hands wandering down your backside before landing on your rear, “I mean I don’t blame him, you are very attractive and the best girl I’ve been around in a long time, but he probably has millions of girls begging at his feet. He’s got to leave you alone.”

Mark stood at the other end of the table watching the interaction, the cup he was forced to chug about to succumb to his tight grip. 

“Yeah, millions…” you whisper before aiming at one of his cups and it ultimately missing.

“You know I’ve been thinking about something, something about us…” Seungcheol says as he reracks the cups, “I was thinking about locking us down before Christmas time, how does that sound?”

Seungcheol’s words felt uncomfortable as they sat in your heart. You didn’t like having this conversation with Mark just a yard or so away. It didn’t feel genuine. It felt like a petty attempt to ward Mark away from you. A trophy to hang off his shoulder. 

“What a weird thing to bring up now, hm?” you dismiss him before taking aim once again.

“Come on! We’ve been seeing each other for a few months now! I’m into you, and you are definitely into me, what’s holding you back now?”

His words deemed to be a bit too loud as Mark interrupted Seungcheol’s confession by hitting him right on the forehead with the ball.

“Whoops! Sorry dude.” Mark muses disengenuinesly. 

“Watch it bro,” Seungcheol mutters tossing the ball back, “If I didn’t know any better I would have thought it was on purpose…” 

“Just… get your head in the game,” you whisper to Seungcheol as you take the shot that Izaiah seemed to sink in the meantime. 

Seungcheol shook his head. Shortly after, you two admitted defeat as Mark sunk the last cup on your side.

The drinks seemed too keep flowing down your throat, each drink blurring the feelings of Mark and Seungcheol. You just needed to make it through the night, after that you can deal with the mess. 

As the night progresses, you start to realize that maybe you have had  indulged in one too many drinks. Your laughter became louder, your movements became slower. Seungcheol starts to notice the change in your behavior, concern etching his features.

“Hey, you okay? Maybe you should slow down on the drinks a bit yeah?” He says while steadying your rocking frame.

“I’m fine, Seungcheol! It’s Christmas, the end of the semester, let’s enjoy!” 

“Alright little angel, your wish is my command!” He chuckles before grabbing your hand and making his way towards the minibar.

The alcohol, however, takes its toll, and your antics became increasingly unpredictable. Everything seemed to happen so fast, you almost didn’t realize what was happening. Seungcheol accidentally bumps into someone while trying to guide you through the room. The person, annoyed, confronts Seungcheol.

“Watch where you’re going bro!” Yelled Mark as he stands up quickly and starts wiping at his now stained sweater.

“It was an accident okay, calm down big shot.” Seungcheol annoying says while pulling you forward.

“Didn’t seem like an accident,” Mark retorts while pushing Seungcheol.

“What the hell is your problem dude?” Seungcheol says while letting go of your hand to size him up.

“Absolutely nothing.” Mark seethes while getting closer. His eyes shift to your spinning inebriated frame.

“Let me just give my girl a drink Mark.”

“I think she’s actually ready to go, come on y/n” Mark replies while grabbing you before you fell to the floor.

“Dude, what the hell? Get your hands off of her, she’s fine. Izaiah, pour me two more shots! One for me and one for my graduate!” Seungcheol hollers while trying to pull your other arm.

“Woah I’m on a cruise!” You drunkenly sigh as they pull you both ways.

“Yo! Let go of her, she’s going to yak!” Mark shouts before just lifting you up to run you outside.

“I’m gonna yak!” You shout as Mark’s running had you bouncing up and down.

Mark made it just in time to Izaiah’s front yard before you started throwing your guts up.

“My-“

“Don’t worry I got your hair,” Mark coos as he gathers up your hair into a ponytail.

“You always know what to do Markie,” you sigh as you fell onto your side, hands massaging your stomach.

Seungcheol rushes outside with a water bottle in hand, knees falling to the ground to hold your head up.

“How did you know she was going to throw up?” Seungcheol asks quietly while feeding you the water slowly, “Did you two drink a lot before you left?”

“She says she’s on a cruise then she’ll throw up right after,” Mark smiles then joins you two on the floor, “Never surprised me.”

“Mark just tell me straight up.” Seungcheol clears his throat, “do you want my girl?”

“I’m not your girllll…” you slur with saliva dripping down your chin, “Stop calling me that!” You hiccup before starting to drift off into sleep.

Seungcheol sighs, “Mark, if you two are best friends, why did she never mention you? Why did she all of a sudden start acting weird when you showed up today? What is everyone not telling me? So tell me, are you in love with y/n?”

Mark finally took his eyes off of you to meet Seungcheol’s accusation, “Yes I love her. I never stopped.”

Seungcheol clicks his tongue, “I knew it, just from the way you’ve been staring at her! Look bro, just so we’re clear-“

Mark cuts him off, “No, just so we’re clear, she’s mine. She always has been. It was a mistake to leave her a year ago. But I’m back, and no matter how hard you try to come and take her from me, she’ll always know that I’m the one for her.”

“I won’t let you take y/n away from me. Now go back to Korea and keep singing your little songs. She’s moved on from you.”

Everything was still as the two stared each other down. Despite your in and out consciousness. You heard every word. He still loves you. After all this time, you had to admit you still loved him too. But he left, and soon he’ll leave again. You have to move on.

“What’s her favorite song?” Mark whispered.

“Sunday Morning, easy.” Seungcheol shrugs

Correct.

“What’s her favorite color?” 

“Pastel blue.”

Correct.

“Why did she want to become an English major?”

“Because she loves to write.”

“Sure, but why does she love to write?”

“I don’t know man, she just likes to write, she’s always writing.”

“She likes to write because,” Mark sighs while staring at the sky, “she has all these thoughts in her head and she needs to let them out on paper for her to think straight. She writes because she thinks if she talks, no one will remember, and her words will outlive her. She writes not because she likes it, but because she needs to. It’s her dream to have others listen to her and feel something.”

You tried to stifle the tears in your eyes, so neither of them would notice you were awake. Mark was right. He always was, he understood you in ways that you never had to convey, he just knew. 

“You’ve known her since you were kids, of course you would know that. I’ve known her for a couple months, I’m sure in time she would have told me.” Seungcheol scoffs.

“She never told me,” Mark whispers while sparring one last glance at you then brushing off his jeans, “Make sure she gets home safe, Seungcheol. She’ll want kimchi fried rice, an iced coffee, and a cut persimmon with the skin off in the morning. Take care of her for as long as she’ll let you.”

Mark leaves as Seungcheol lifts your tired frame, your eyes unable to stop the tears coming out any longer until you fell asleep on the car ride home.

—

December 9, 2023

“What do you want for Christmas?” Seungcheol asks as you two lay on the sofa at your apartment watching some cheesy Hallmark movie. You haven’t been able to move all day. Somehow the lingering feeling of a hangover lasting a week, keeping you rooted to your couch huddled in blankets.

“Ah, nothing really,” you sigh huffing as the main female protagonist kisses the lead male, “not really feeling the Christmas spirit this year.”

“What are you actually going on about?” Seungcheol laughs, “you put your Christmas tree up on November 1st. You baked snowman cookies and set up a hot cocoa bar? That is the penultimate Christmas experience!” 

You blew at your bangs and rolled your eyes before turning the TV off. 

“Christmas just presents unrealistic expectations and and gets people’s hopes up for nothing. So overrated.”

Seungcheol sighs then begin pacing the room, “I think you need to get out of the house. I know you got sick after the party, and although you can be quite the messy yet funny drunk, I have cleared you well enough to leave the apartment!”

Hungover is now an understatement. The mention of the Christmas party glazes over your eyes and your throat feels tight. 

“I miss you, y/n.”

I miss Mark.

Hold on. What the fuck are you saying? No you don’t. 

“Let’s go shopping!” Seuncheol yells while heading into your closet to find you an outfit, “head to the shower, respectfully babe, you lowkey stink.”

There’s no point in fighting him. Maybe you need some fresh air.

The mall was packed. It was buzzing with Christmas cheer, lights twinkling in every window, the smell of cinnamon and pine wafting through the air. You pull your coat tighter around her, trying to shake off the heaviness in her chest. It should’ve been the perfect day to soak in the holiday spirit, especially with Seungcheol by her side. He was grinning ear to ear, pointing out everything from festive scarves to ridiculous holiday mugs, clearly enjoying himself.

"You think you could pull off this reindeer sweater?" he teased, holding up a bright red knit with a goofy-looking reindeer plastered across it.

Y/N chuckled softly, her heart not quite in it. "You’d look way better in it," she replied, nudging him gently.

Seungcheol laughed, oblivious to the sadness clouding her thoughts. Every corner of the mall felt like a reminder of Mark. This was where they used to spend hours just loitering until they were forced to leave by security. You remembered being young and dumb teens trying different mismatched outfits and forcing each other to wear them around the rest of the day. The bright green sign of Yogurt Mountain reminding you of Mark not being able to turn off the machine ending in the frozen yogurt spilling all on the floor. The memories felt like ages ago, so nostalgic but painful. It had been a year since you two broke up, but the memories still lingered, tugging at you as you tried to shake them off.

Seungcheol’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts. "Hey, let’s check out this store! I think I found the perfect gift for you," he said with excitement, grabbing your hand and pulling you toward a small boutique.

You forced a smile, wanting to be present, wanting to enjoy this moment with him. But your gaze always seemed to drift, catching a glimpse of the jewelry shop across the way. As luck would have it…

Mark.

He was there, casually browsing a display of bracelets and rings, completely unaware of your presence. His frame was unassuming, all dressed in black. His face was hidden beneath a baseball cap, the perfect disguise for an idol unwanting to be seen and regain even a fraction of normalcy. But you would recognize him anywhere. You froze, unable to pull your eyes away.

Seungcheol, still focused on the display in front of him, started talking about a delicate silver necklace he thought would look good on you, but you weren't listening. You watched as a few people started to notice Mark. Then, in an instant, everything changed. Paparazzi flooded the scene, cameras flashing, voices yelling his name.

Mark’s expression shifted from calm to panicked. Y/N could see the tension in his shoulders as the crowd pressed closer. He backed away, his hands shaking as he tried to escape the chaos. The noise seemed to blur, and all you could think was how this was the side of his life he probably hated most—the relentless pressure, the invasion of privacy.

Mark’s breaths became shallow, his eyes wide as he struggled to keep it together, and before you realized what you was doing, you had started toward him, concern overtaking you.

But Seungcheol called your name softly, pulling you back to reality. "Y/N? Are you okay? You seemed distracted." He looked at you, concern written on his face, and for a second, you considered telling him everything—about Mark, about how hard it was to shake the past.

But you didn’t. Not yet.

You glanced back toward the jewelry shop, but Mark was gone, swallowed up by the crowd. The moment passed, and you turned back to Seungcheol, offering him a soft smile.

"I’m fine," you said, trying to mean it. "Let’s keep looking."

–

Mark was not fine.

“Mark! What’s it like being home?”

“Mark! Who are you shopping for? Someone special?”

“Mark! Care to comment on rumors of you and fellow idol Miyeon dating?”

“Mark! Is it true you will be the new leader of the next subunit of NCT?”

Mark really though he could just keep his head down as he walked through the mall. 

“All you need is a hat to cover your face, maybe a face mask, and you’ll be fine!” He can hear his older member, Johnny in his ears. Obviously, the terrible advice from over the phone proved to be very wrong.

It was supposed to be a quick trip—get a few Christmas gifts, maybe grab something to eat, and get out before anyone recognized him. But, of course, that was too much to ask.

It started with a couple of fans who spotted him near the jewelry store. A few whispers, a camera phone raised, and within seconds, it spiraled. The murmurs grew louder, and the crowd thickened, flashing cameras following every step.

"Mark! Over here!" someone yelled, their voice cutting through the noise.

His heart raced as the mob of paparazzi and fans surged around him, closing in too quickly. They were everywhere—voices overlapping, questions hurled at him, hands reaching out. The flashing lights blinded him, the noise overwhelming as they shouted his name, desperate for a reaction.

He tried to move away, but there was no escape. His breaths came faster, shallow and uneven, his chest tightening painfully. The world spun, and his pulse thudded in his ears, drowning out the chaos for a brief moment.

He can’t breathe.

Mark’s hands trembled as he pushed through the crowd, his vision narrowing, everything becoming a blur of faces and flashes. He needed to get out. He needed air. But every step he took, the crowd pressed in closer, suffocating him.

His legs moved on autopilot, driven by the single thought of escape. That’s when he saw it—the bright, colorful sign of a Build-A-Bear store up ahead. Without thinking, he bolted toward it, slipping through the doors and collapsing against the wall just inside, the noise of the crowd finally muffled by the glass.

The smell of soft fabrics and the sound of cheery music greeted him, a stark contrast to the madness outside. His breathing was ragged, his hands still shaking as he pressed them against his knees, trying to calm the rising panic.

One of the employees, a young girl with a Santa hat on, looked up from the counter, startled. Her eyes widened when she realized who he was, but instead of rushing over, she stayed where she was, giving him space.

Mark closed his eyes, focusing on the sound of his own heartbeat, willing it to slow down. He took a deep breath, then another, the plush toys around him oddly soothing. The calm atmosphere of the shop felt like a small bubble of peace, a stark difference to the chaos outside.

"Hey," a soft voice called from nearby. He opened his eyes to see the employee standing a few feet away, holding a small teddy bear. "I thought you might want something to hold," she said gently, offering it to him with a kind smile.

He hesitated for a moment before reaching out and taking the bear, the soft fur comforting beneath his fingertips. His breathing steadied, the tension slowly easing from his body. He sank onto a nearby bench, clutching the bear to his chest like a lifeline.

"Thank you," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper, still catching his breath.

She nodded, understanding in her eyes. "Take your time," she said before quietly retreating back to the counter, leaving him in peace.

For a few minutes, Mark just sat there, cradling the bear and letting the panic subside. Outside the store, he could see the paparazzi through the glass, still waiting, still searching for him. But for now, inside the Build-A-Bear, he was safe, wrapped in a strange, quiet comfort that he desperately needed.

After some time, Mark was finally able to stand. With wobbly knees he lifted his eyes, his sweaty palms finally loosening his grip on the small bear. Taking in his surroundings, he finally realized how pathetic he felt. How alone he felt. Most of the crowd has disappeared by that point, probably escorted out by security due to the safety concerns. 

“I’m sorry for the startle,” he finally spoke to the girl at the register.

“No need to apologize,” she smiled, “it can’t be easy living like this huh?” she softly says. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this.”

Mark felt like he needed to pace so he roamed the plush store, feeling comforted by the empty skins of the various options. In a weird way, he related to this sad, sad, shell of a bunny. 

He held up it’s limp body, it’s smile sewn on, never to be changed. But it was empty. 

“This is the life I chose, this is the life I will love,” he whispers holding the sagging brown bunny close.

“Do you wanna stuff it?” The girl from the register asks from behind, “they’re kind of weird when they are all sitting there sad and limp like that, but I swear they come out very cute. Great presents too!”

Mark contemplated for a moment before agreeing. 

“I’ll lead you through it okay? It’s kind of weird but I am obligated to do the heart ceremony with you,” she giggles. 

“Rub your heart in your hands for warmth.” 

Mark closes his eyes and rubs his hands imaging warmth. The last time he felt true warmth was an embrace from you.

“Pat your heart, for your friends heart beat forever,”

Mark pats his chest while clearing his throat. Has his heart really kept beating since leaving you?

“Rub it on your head, for smart thoughts,”

Mark chuckles at the thought. His little scholar… he can imagine you with your hair up in a claw clip chewing at the tip of an apple pencil planning out your paper… his little graduate.

Fuck. 

His graduate. 

You graduate next week.

“I see that you have someone in mind…” the girl laughs while she picks up the bunny, “if you’re looking for a sign, I’ll say it. Yes, you should give it to her.”

Mark perks up, “do you have any graduate outfits for the bunny?”

She laughs while taking the bunny out of his hands prepping to stuff it with fluff, “slow down there mr. romantic, we will dec out this bunny in no time.”

Mark walked out 30 minutes later with two boxes and a new pep in his step.

It’s time to get his girl back.

---

LET'S GO MARK!!! orrrr are you team seungcheol???

have a happy new year everyone <3

xoxo

foreva mark

[the-mountain-flower]

The Exiled and The Outcast

Chapter Eleven: And The Dinner Here Is Never Second Best~

Previous chapter

Next chapter

Falst placed another book in the “X” pile, having finished skimming through it. He picked up the next one, and only took a glance at the cover before immediately placing it on top of the previous one.

“That was quick.” Dainix joked amicably, one of Falst’s books open in front of him.

“I’m a fast reader.” Falst quipped back, a smile on his face. “That one’s a Life spellcarving textbook, it doesn’t have anything fire-related unless you count burn treatment.”

Dainix glanced at the other books on the desk. “You’re really into spellcarving, aren’t you?”

“Eh, not that much,” Falst looked away, the smile falling. “I just… had reason to learn some, that’s all.”

Seeming to take the hint,  Dainix turned back back to his own reading.

Falst picked up the last book in the pile and started skimming through it.

It wasn’t until several minutes later, that the awkward silence was broken.

Falst looked over in confusion, and maybe a bit of concern. “You good?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Dainix responded, collecting himself. “Just a… mistranslation, I think. Ainoru did not get nasty with the Jandarra the Clever. He killed them.”

“Oh! Oh, that makes so much more sense.”

“Right?! Jandarra’s other stories make it clear they weren't interested in that kind of thing. I don’t think there’s anywhere in the Rauan Desert where they tell this version.” He gestured to the book in his hands.

“How did that even happen?”

“I have no idea, but I get the feeling this isn’t written directly from the source.”

“That’s unfortunate.”

“Yeah.” Dainix sighed, and shook his head. “I kind of expected something like this, but still.”

“You expected to read that a legendary hero fucked an assassin?”

That got a chuckle out of Dainix. “Not specifically. I just meant that I didn’t expect much of  whatever I find that I know about to be… well, we’re a bit more isolated from everywhere else than we are with each other, mostly thanks to environmental differences. I’m not surprised that what this place does have isn’t that accurate.”

“But, you’re still searching.”

“It’s the only thing I can do, unless I give up. And, I like to think there’s at least a chance of me figuring out, of returning home someday.”

Was he saying that part to Falst, or to himself?

Falst picked up the books from his secret spot to go put them back, mildly disappointed that none of them had given Dainix anything to work with. But he supposed that was the risk of looking so far abroad for something so obscure.

Falst picked up another book on his way back to the desk, but when he came back Dainix wasn’t there, presumably off looking for something else that might tell him something useful.

Falst plopped himself down on the chair he’d claimed, but didn’t open his own book just quite yet. His pensive gaze landed on the candle he’d been using last night. The wick was black and curled, the flame long extinguished. A few drops of wax had cooled down before reaching the bottom, frozen in time halfway down. It had no reason to still be there, but it was, because it just hadn’t been removed.

“Don’t look at me like that. I don’t know why I’m here, either.”

“Are you talking to the candle?”

Falst grimaced. How much of that had Dainix heard?

“Of course not.” Falst responded with faux nonchalance. “Candles burn down. I was talking to the metal thingy that’s holding it.”

“Ah, my mistake.” Dainix’s smile had no business being warmer than any flame that candle could’ve made. “Is it a good conversationalist?”

Falst laughed. “Totally. Just make sure the clock over there doesn’t think you’re talking to it. It’s very self-absorbed.”

Falst’s heard gave an unexpected flutter when he made Dainix laugh again.

This was probably the first time Falst didn’t bother to hide while waiting for Dainix to prepare the meal. There was just no reason for it at this point.

Before trying Dainix’s food, Falst would definitely have been suspicious of the idea of spicy stuff with fruit of all things. He still wasn’t quite sure how Dainix made it work without diminishing the sweetness, but he sure wasn’t going to complain. For being unfamiliar with most of the ingredients, Dainix was very adept at creating something incredible from his supply, and Falst had to wonder what he was capable of in an actual kitchen. It was mesmerizing, how he kept his gaze so steadily on the food he was working with, keeping his hands busy; but his shoulders looked so relaxed, and there wasn’t a moment where his expression wasn’t graced with a gentle smile.

Falst was so lost in watching Dainix’s cooking, that he almost didn’t notice him putting more of the fruit in half of the food- the doclionana he’d called it- than in the other. He didn’t miss that when Dainix handed half of the dinner to Falst, it was the ones with more fruit.

“Here you go. Careful, it’s still hot.”

Falst almost laughed at the warning, coming from someone who was just holding the food he was cooking directly over the fire with his bare hands.

The doclionana was delicious, and once again Dainix had managed to make it so that it was simultaneously spicy and sweet in a way that didn’t cancel each other out or clash. How much different was it from what Dainix made for himself?

Was it possible for Dainix to have noticed Falst’s preference for sweetness?

He couldn’t have. There was no way he was paying that much attention to him. For as much as Falst paid attention to Dainix, he thought there was no reason for it to go the other way around.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Plot twist: Dainix's cooking is so good that the furniture comes to life and starts singing about it ;P

I was completely overthinking the food part way more than I had to. just to end up using a made-up word that means nothing irl and hand-waving it as "it's fiction" for the sake of saving me from myself lol (this chapter was already difficult for me)

Remember to drink water, eat food, take your meds (if applicable), and get enough sleep. Love you all, and have a great [insert time here]! <3

[missfrieden]

Tech as a father Chapter 71

Welcome back to my allover-the-place-upload.

Masterlist | AO3

Chapter 71: Guarded

The squad is meticulous as they unload their gear from the Havoc Marauder, but their attention is particularly focused on Orion's belongings. Tech takes extra care to ensure that Orion's toys, clothes, and bedding are all thoroughly cleaned and sanitized before they bring them into the barracks. He knows all too well the lengths the Kaminoans might go to in order to obtain a sample of Orion's DNA, and he's determined to thwart any attempts to invade their privacy.

Crosshair and Echo assist Tech, inspecting each item carefully to make sure nothing seems out of place or tampered with. Meanwhile, Hunter and Wrecker stand guard, keeping a watchful eye on their surroundings to ensure they aren't being observed by any prying Kaminoan eyes. Once they're satisfied that everything is in order, the squad carries Orion's belongings into the barracks, making sure to keep them well-hidden from any potential intruders. They may be on Kamino, surrounded by those who see Orion as nothing more than an experiment, but within the confines of their barracks, he is cherished and protected like family.

As the squad settles into their usual spot in the mess hall, the atmosphere is tense, with the usual murmurs and side glances from the regular clones directed towards the members of Clone Force 99. Tech, holding Orion close, is acutely aware of the stares and whispers. Echo, always one to try and diffuse tension, strikes up a conversation about the latest battle. "Did you see how the droids were set up on the east flank on our last mission? It was textbook tactics."

Crosshair scoffs. "Textbook for droids, maybe. They were predictable." Wrecker, his mouth full of food, grins broadly, swallowing quickly. "Predictable means easy to smash!" Tech, trying to stay focused the conversation, shifts his focus to Orion, who's captivated by the movement of his own fingers. "Look at those tiny hands, Orion. You're going to be a genius like your dad, aren't you?" Echo turns to look at his nephew. "He's definitely curious, that's for sure."

Just then, one of the regular clones at a nearby table makes a snide remark loud enough for the squad to hear. "Can't believe they let the defective clones breed. What's next, a whole army of 'em?" Crosshair's eyes narrow, his patience wearing thin. "Watch it, reg."

But before anyone else can respond, Orion, seemingly oblivious to the tension, does something unexpected. With a determined and curios glint in his eye, he extends his tiny hand and, with surprising accuracy, flips off the clone who made the remark. The mess hall around the tables falls silent as everyone processes what just happened. Tech, caught between amusement and concern, leans in close to Orion. "Hey buddy, we don't do that, okay? It's not nice."

Echo, always the voice of reason, interjects. "He's just a baby, Tech. I don't think he knows what he's doing." Tech nods in agreement but still feels it's important to reinforce good behaviour, even at this young age. However, Crosshair has a different take on the situation. “Orion knew exactly what he was doing, sending a clear message to the regular clones about who's in charge.” Wrecker, never one to miss an opportunity for a laugh, grins broadly. "Ha! That's our boy!"

Hunter, weary of the constant tension, simply wants a peaceful meal for once, free from any drama or unexpected gestures. With a sigh, he digs into his food, hoping that the rest of the meal will pass without incident.

Chapter 72

Reblogs are very welcome and I am open for feedback, as english is not my first language, so maybe my sentences may be weird sometimes, or I write a word wrong even with google, or I use a wrong word for an item.

Tag: @spectacular-skywalker @clonethirstingisreal @sleepycreativewriter @moonwreckd @sskim-milkk @heidnspeak

[pf-spectre]

Chapter 2: The scientific name is Spectre

After making a breakthrough discovery for Spectre research, the lead force in this field, BTU moved two men to their own Laboratory and gave them funding to continue working on it.

They called their newfound invention “Synthetic Spectre” and pitched it as a technology to revolutionise the way the Force is used throughout the world, and opening it up to humans who would have never even dreamed of having any control over it.

It was perfect, and they were just about to finish off one of their newer prototypes, more powerful and more compact.

“Aaaand this weeks report is aaalll done.” The young researcher for BTU, the Brastin Technological University hit the left mouse button to print a few sheets of paper.

The young man, with mousy brown hair which he had hastily tied back and a stubble on his chin stood up from his rolling chair and stretched his back, cracking his knuckles in the process. His lab coat was very wrinkled and clearly in the wrong size. He scratched his collar and placed his hands into the pockets of the coat.

“Hey Grams, can you staple it together once it's done printing? I'll get the lab ready for the night”

He looked through his green tinted glasses over to Graham Thompson, his coworker, who had been sitting at his desk focused on the CAD software infront of him.

“Mhm. Lock up the tools properly this time.” He mumbled as he adjusted a blueprint design. His ginger hair was combed in a way where it would cover the small scar across his right eyebrow, and his round glasses somehow reflected the screen in front of him, obscuring his thin green eyes.

As the pages printed and Graham exported the newest design files onto a flash drive, Neil turned off the Individual power supply for each tool and locked the more expensive tools in their respective cabinet.

“I'll leave the prototype out, Andromeda said she'll pick it up later tonight for upper management to have a look” Neil shouted over to the other room as he carefully placed a circular build with an inner pattern resembling that of an aperture opening on the middle table of the lab.

“It's best we hand over the blueprints for our future plans too, still gotta get that approved don't we?” He added on, onto which Graham just nodded and gave a quiet “mhm.”

“Ohhh and we can't let her see all those cans, just imagine the hazard of having these in our workplace!” Neil then started picking up various cans from both their workspace and the lab ranging from sodas to caffeinated drinks. In that moment Graham was carefully stapling together the few but full pages of the report, making sure they were all right-side-up and aligned.

In just a moment with their teamwork and one (or two) trash bags, their workspace finally looked almost like that of two competent people. Almost simultaneously they left the last pieces that would be looked at during the weekend on one table and packed their work laptops into their bags before making their way across the long hallway leading to the elevator.

“Ya know, in our, what, four years of studying and working here I never really figured out why it's called spectre out of all things. It's basically magic, with all the different ways to use it and all, but we insist on the scientific name being spectre” Neil thought out loud as they stepped into the elevator, joining three other people on their journey downwards.

“I mean, who even decided on that name?”

“It was somewhere in our textbooks, I can't recall where, though”

“Oh so it was just some guy?? How weird”

They quickly reached the bottom floor of the building and exited into the parking garage, heading straight towards Neil's car. He unlocked it before getting into the drivers seat and haphazardly tossing his phone into the cup holder next to him.

“What are we thinking of for dinner?” He asked.

“We had some leftovers in the fridge, didn't we?” Graham responded as he closed the door behind him.

“I think our budget is blown for the next few days” In contrast to Neil's emotive way he spoke in a rather monotone fashion. He was fumbling around with his small multi tool keychain which he always kept on himself for emergencies.

As the two drove through the dense capital which was filled with skyscrapers of work buildings, restaurants, shops and apartments on the way to their own, the radio finished the song it had been playing and started playing the 5 PM news.

“[...] and for the weather, Brastin continues to defy all odds within eastern Norrain with its 51 degrees Fahrenheit. Seems like if our people want to have some warm time in the remainder of this August, they will have to visit the countryside! Talk about the effects of climate change, [...]”

Neil's keys jingled around all funny as he unlocked the door into his small apartment. Living in the dead-smack middle of Brastin might be expensive, but he wouldn't pass up the opportunity to have his home be much closer to his work. He and Graham both placed their keys and ID Cards from their work into a glass tray on top of the shelf and took off their shoes. Neil yawned.

“I bet I still have a movie somewhere in here we haven't seen, or at least one we don't remember so clearly” He started looking through his admittedly extensive collection of CDs and cassette Tapes he spent years collecting.

Neil continued to ask about certain movies and exploring his collection as Graham started heating the leftovers of previous day’s takeout in a pan.

Once Neil had found the mechanism for bending Specter to one's will through small electrical current signals and practically creating it out of thin air, he immediately called his college friend Graham who had lived in a smaller town, Pinewell, for a year. For the duration of the project the two had decided to move in together in Neil’s place instead of having to rent an extra apartment while Graham still pays off his house.

“There, this one's a gem in my collection, I don't think I've shown it to you before, Grams! Look at it” Neil held up a CD with smudged sharpie writing. The actual Name of the movie was illegible, but he managed to make a good guess of its contents.

“With our recent progress we have every reason to celebrate, right? I can just imagine the press coverage, our faces will be on the front page of every newspaper! Think about it!” He simply continued talking as he bent over and inserted the CD into the player, ready to enjoy this source of background noise.

Neil sat down on the couch, tightly wrapped in a blanket with the remote in his hands ready to start the film. Graham joined him after a moment, eating from the freshly reheated leftovers on a plate. Though unlike his friend, he didn't really focus on the movie. His vision drifted around the room with boredom and his left leg shook slightly.

The night continued as calmly as it began, until in the middle of the motion picture Neil suddenly got a call.

Neil glanced at his phone in a confused manner. Nobody should be calling at this time, right? It was past eight, so everybody at work would have been home by now.

Except for one person.

“Hold on, I think I need to take this” Neil paused the playback and Graham just nodded with understanding. He had made himself black Tea and was holding the cup, using it to warm his hands and to fidget with the label stringed to the teabag.

Neil walked out into the neighbouring room and took the call.

“Yeah, Andersson here, what's the matter?”

“[...] No, Andromeda, the Project files are right where they always are at the end of the week. I don't see what you mean. On the middle table of the lab, which by the way, should be in top condition [...] Sure, check the security footage if you have to!”

The call went on for a few minutes longer with similar light arguing before an expression of shock, then confusion crossed Neil's face. He lowered his phone, putting the call on hold before looking over to Graham, swiftly catching his attention.

“We got robbed.”

previous | next

[hyunfilms]

all for nothing | two.

♡ series masterlist | spotify playlist

—summary: after experiencing heartbreak and betrayal, hyunjin has become incredibly closed off and reserved. he hated opening up to people, nor did he think the time or effort was worth it. but when hyunjin meets you, he finally realizes the importance of having someone by your side throughout all the ups and downs of life.

—pairing: hyunjin x f. reader

—genre: (18+) strangers to lovers, grad school au | fluff, angst, smut

—word count: 3.8k

—chapter warnings: hyunjin is still mean as heck but oc is really trying here!! 🥲 mentions of blood but for research/lab purposes, special appearance by jung hoseok as oc’s older brother because i just had to 🤧 oc is a bit worried about some family issues that were brought to light

"Y/N!" Jeongin says, coming towards you as he enters Dr. Kuo's classroom. "What's up?" He smiles as he settles into the seat next to you.

"Jeongin, hi." You chuckle. "Nothing really, already tired from the week though."

"Yeah, same." He brings out his notebook and textbook.

"I heard Dr. Kuo was assigning us our first project."

"Already?"

"She doesn't wait for anyone. Can't say I'm surprised." He pushes his glasses up before looking back at you. "Wanna be partners?" You nod.

"Yeah, that'd be good." At this moment, Hyunjin walks in, shortly followed by Dr. Kuo. You look at him through your peripherals, noting that he sits in the same seat towards the back. Dr. Kuo does her usual class greeting before taking out a stack of papers and setting up her powerpoint presentation for the day.

"Alright, class. Before we get into our lecture for today, I'm going to assign you your first project of the semester. It won't be due right away, but I'm assigning it now to give you a couple of weeks to work on it so that you can deliver a solid project to me." She starts to pass out the guidelines for said project. "Yes, you will be needing a partner for this. However—" You and Jeongin look at each other. "I will be assigning your partners." She earns a couple of heavy sighs from the class. "Please, this is a good opportunity to get to know your classmates. You guys will be working together on a lot of different things during your grad journey here at Brigham. Might as well start now."

"Crap." Jeongin says. "Well, I just hope we get partners that are easy to work with."

"Same." You whisper back. Dr. Kuo starts to go through the roster, assigning people one by one just by random. She doesn't call out for you or Jeongin just yet, which gives you some sort of comfort, until—

"Y/N, you'll be paired up with—" She pauses for a moment and you're praying she calls Jeongin's name. "—Hyunjin." It's as almost if Jeongin senses your body language shifting, catches when you let out a breath and look down at your notebook without saying a word.

"Hey, I'm sure you guys will do great together."

"Too bad he hates me, Jeongin." You whisper back, slightly looking over your shoulder to see Hyunjin glance at you before slouching even more in his seat. The annoyance was radiating off of his body. It was going to be a long ass project.

"What, you guys don't even know each other?" He chuckles a bit, confused. "Is this why you were looking at him yesterday?"

"I ran into him after I left lab. Like, literally. Made him drop the packs of plastic pipettes and paper towels. I tried to help but he snatched it from the floor and told me to watch where I'm going next time." Jeongin chuckles a bit.

"I'm sure it was just an off day. He shouldn't have responded that way, but I'm sure he doesn't hate you. You just need to get the project done and then that's it. If worst comes to worst, just plan your part and have him do the rest."

"Jeongin." You slightly whine. "Can't we just switch?" You look at his partner, another male seated a couple of seats away from him, before leaning back in yours.

"I mean you can try asking Dr. Kuo, but I don't think she'll budge—"

"Alright, I think that's everyone. After the lecture today, I'll give you some time to get acquainted with your partners. And please, don't ask for any switches. I promise everything will be fine if you just work it out amongst yourselves." She says, clicking onto the first slide. "Okay, let's get started with the lecture, shall we?"

"Welp." You look at Jeongin and all he does is shrug.

"It'll be fine." He repeats to reassure you somehow. And it works for a bit, because you can tell Jeongin genuinely means it. He's right, too. If it doesn't go as planned, you can always do one part and Hyunjin can do the other. Minimal contact.

It's fine.

Everything's fine.

When Dr. Kuo finishes her lecture for the day, the class splits to meet with their partners. Yeonjun, Jeongin's partner, sits in the free seat on his other side, while you turn to look at Hyunjin to see if he's coming.

He doesn't move.

"Okay, I guess I have to go to him." You say, packing up your things to move to the back row.

"Goodluck. Tell me how it goes later." Jeongin says, with Yeonjun waving at you. You give them a small smile before you lazily drag yourself to the free seat next to Hyunjin and awkwardly sit next to him. "Um, hey." He looks at you and sighs, continuing to scribble in his notebook. "By the way, now that we're partners, I just wanna say that last night was uncalled for." You blurt out, already tired of his attitude.

"Uncalled for? You ran into me." He looks at you. "What's so wrong about telling you to watch where you're going? Least you'll be more careful next time."

"You didn't have to be so mean about it."

"Ever thought that.. maybe.. I'm not mean, and it's probably just you?"

"You're definitely mean."

"You don't know me." You stare at him with furrowed brows before he scoffs and shakes his head. "Yeah. Anyways. How about we just get this over with? The quicker we finish this project, the less we have to be in each other's hair."

"When are you free later so we can brainstorm and jot down some ideas?"

"I have to work."

"Well, so do I." He shakes his head and subtly rolls his eyes.

"8."

"Good with me." You pass your notebook over to him. "Wanna write your number so I can find out where you're at by then?"

"Not really." He says, taking your notebook anyway to scribble down his number messily. He quickly scans over the colored notes that you take, subtly shaking his head at the colors your rotate between. How do you even have the time to do this?

"Thanks." He simply nods before watching you take your things and settle back into your seat next to Jeongin.

"What happened?" He chuckles, surprised to see you back at your seat already. "Acquainted with your partner already?"

"Very much so." You sigh. "We're just gonna meet later to brainstorm some ideas."

"Progress. He actually agreed to meet with you."

"He has to meet with me or else we're going to get nowhere for the project."

"Well, he doesn't have to. He could've just told you to do your part while he does his." Yeonjun adds, while Jeongin nods in agreement.

"Yeah, who knows, might have to. Let's see if he actually shows up." You start to jot down some ideas anyway, re-reading the guidelines as you get a head start. To be quite honest, you weren't looking forward to tonight. You wished you could go home and relax after work, but you knew it would be wise to at least get started on the project instead of rushing through it. Being partners with Hyunjin was the cherry on top, and although he was right— you didn't know him and he didn't know you either— he was still intimidating. You didn't get scared or intimidated often, but it was something about Hyunjin, something about your encounter, that made it feel impossible to get through to him.

But it was fine, you weren't here to do so. You'd be his partner, the bare minimum.

That was it.

You had some breaks in between classes today, most of which you spent in the library with either Jeongin, Changbin, Felix. Before work, you had an opportunity to grab a small bite before heading into the lab to do some work with Dr. Kreher. He talks about his undergraduate class and how quiet and intimidated they were, causing you to giggle because you had been there before. It's not that Dr. Kreher was a difficult-to-please teacher, but he definitely taught through tough love. No phones in class was probably the strictest rule he had in place, but it was the fact that he would put students under the spotlight, asking them detailed questions and expecting detailed, out-of-the-box answers in return that would throw them off. It's not like he'd let you off the hook either when you responded with an 'I don't know;' he'd let you sit on it and think about it until you could give him a better answer. He laughs when you point this out to him, giving it a reason as to why his students were probably acting that way. He says it's to lessen the hand-holding, especially when you get out into the real world— not everyone would be willing to do so and you'd have to find your own way through to the correct answer, the correct action to take. It's not about being right or wrong, it was moreso learning how to take that leap and to be okay with making mistakes. Afterall, it only helps you learn from your mistakes in order to grow.

"Mm, yeah. They'll eventually get used to your teaching style. I'll be walking proof if they need it." He laughs as he cleans under the hood next to yours.

"Hey, by the way, I don't want you staying to late to work, okay? I know we agreed on making things work in between your schedule, but I also want you to give yourself some time for yourself."

"Yeah, I know." You quickly look at him with a nod. "I do have to run as soon as this is done, I have to meet up with a partner to start working on Dr. Kuo's project."

"Project already, eh?"

"Surprise, surprise." You say sarcastically. "I'm really dreading it."

"Why?"

"My partner hates me."

"I'm sure that's not the case." He says. "Who is your partner?"

"Hyunjin."

"Hwang?" You look at Dr. Kreher and nod. "Oh, I know that kid. He works with Dr. Costas on her coral reef research." He chuckles a bit. "Hardworking kid. Quiet, but he's got a gentle vibe to him."

"Gentle? He practically wanted me gone last night when I accidentally ran into him and made him drop his things."

"Ah, I'm sure that isn't the case, Y/N." He chuckles, fixing the blood stain on his slide so he can take it to the microscope. "Might have hit a nerve after a long day, but definitely doesn't hold it against you. He doesn't seem to hang around many people and keeps to himself. He probably just.." He shrugs. "Is like that, you know? Can't really explain it. But the times I've talked to him, he seemed like a nice boy."

You give off a laugh and shrug. "Sure. Still can't say I'm not dreading our meeting later."

"Give it some time. He'll warm up to you. You guys will do great on your project." He chuckles, allowing the silence to settle in so that the two of you could finish the lab work quickly.

By the time you complete your tasks and clean up, it's closing in to 8PM, but you have enough time to run to the café to grab a little bite before heading to the library. You find an empty desk near the back corner of the library, the library itself not to capacity as you had expected it to be. You shoot Hyunjin a quick text to let him know where you're located, but no response.

Close to 10 mins?

No response.

You huffed in your seat, getting worried at the fact that your partner probably wasn't going to show up, nor did it seem like he was going to update you on his whereabouts. Did he think that was truly okay? Was he even okay? Did he think—

"Oh." You say when Hyunjin finally appears in front of you, silently dragging the seat out and setting his bag ontop of the table. "You're here." He looks at you with a slightly furrowed expression, even as you let out a sigh of relief.

"We agreed to meet, didn't we?"

"It's 8:13pm."

"Don't remember asking for the time."

"You could have at least told me you'd be late. I was about to leave because I didn't think you'd show."

"But you didn't. And I'm here, so what's the point of this?" He scoffs, annoyed already at the interaction. "I just got caught up with stuff at work. I don't think I need to give you a play by play."

"Are you like this with every partner you work with?"

"Only to ones that don't know how to stay in their lane." He fires back, slipping his laptop out. But you had no response to that. And you're not gonna lie, your feelings were hurt especially since you were busy worrying about whether or not he was okay. You felt embarrassed, heat rising to the surface of your cheeks; almost like you wanted to grab your things and run the fuck up out of this library.

But, no.

You weren't gonna let him get to you like that.

You didn't do anything wrong.

"Yeah, well. I was slightly getting worried because you didn't say anything." He briefly shoots you a look as you silently flip the page in your notebook, surprised that you were even getting worried over him.

"Let's get this over with."

"I, um, jotted down a few things." You say, clearing your throat. "A few ideas." You turn your notebook towards him, explaining line by line with some details. He doesn't really show interest in anything you're saying, so it's hard for you to gauge whether or not any of these would work. At the end, he simply purses his lips and turns his laptop towards you, showing you the two ideas he was able to come up with. He dives into his thinking process behind the two ideas, careful not to go overboard or say too much. You're impressed though, especially when the second idea focuses on infectious diseases and things similar to the work you've been doing with Dr. Kreher. How he came up with this on the spot, you had no idea, but you weren't gonna question it. When he's done, he doesn't really look at you. He turns his laptop back towards himself, sinking a bit more into his seat.

"That's all I have." He finishes off.

"I think we should go with your second idea." He shrugs.

"Alright then."

"Dr. Kreher might be able to help us out." He nods.

"Sure, could be helpful." Is all he says. You take note of the idea in a shared document on your own laptop with Hyunjin, writing notes and things you need to obtain in order to get the project going. While he adds to the list, you watch as he grimaces to himself, his hand falling over his stomach. You shake off the need to ask if he's alright, but part of you feels bad that he seems uncomfortable. You lick your lips, continuing to type away at your laptop while Hyunjin shifts in his seat as he finishes whatever he's adding to your project document.

"Did you eat?"

"No but it's whatever." He sighs before looking at you and shutting his laptop close. "Are we done here?"

"I guess so." You shrug. "I can ask Dr. Kreher how to get started. He might be able to get us some of the supplies. I'll keep you updated?"

"Yeah. Just let me know what I need to do." He packs up his things.

"Would you be able to meet last minute on certain days?"

"If I really need to. Don't necessarily like to, though."

"But, it's for the project."

"Mhm." Is all he says. "See ya." He gestures before slinging his bag strap over his shoulder, turning on his heel to walk out of the library. You stay behind a bit to finish up the last of your notes and the remainder of the homework you were able to start in class before packing up and heading out.

"Y/N!" Felix calls for you as he sees you crossing across campus from the library. "Wait up!" You stop and smile at him, tugging on your strap as you watch him jog over. "Hey." He smiles.

"Hey there. Were you in class?"

"I was actually with a study group, working on this assignment we have due at the end of the week." He slowly walks alongside of you. "Did you come from the library?"

"Mhm. Worked on the beginning stages of our first research project."

"Ah, wait. Is this with that Hyunjin guy?"

"Mhm." You look at him before letting out a small sigh.

"Jeongin might have mentioned a thing or two. How did it go?"

"Okay, I guess? He's kinda hard to talk to. Our meeting didn't last that long, but we at least settled on a topic."

"Progress, right?"

"I guess so. I'm just not sure how the entire project will go if he's going to keep me closed off like that."

"Did you try switching partners?"

"No can do. Was already hoping I could switch to work with Jeongin."

"I'm sure it'll be fine. He'll warm up to you, give it time. If not, then that's his loss." He smiles softly at you, you returning the favor as you tilt your head to the side and look at him. The walk with Felix becomes quiet for a second, so you take the opportunity to look out at the campus ahead of you. Not too many students were lingering around anymore, not even in the café. However, there was one person who caught your attention again—

Hyunjin.

He manages to grab the last slice of pizza they were selling, plus a drink. He sits himself down at an empty table and scarfs his food down like no tomorrow and it makes you feel bad. Had he gone all day without eating much? Was he not making enough time for himself?

Maybe you should bring him some food next meeting.

Maybe he'll warm up to you.

Maybe he'll see that you're trying to make things work— project partners, friends, whatever.

Maybe he'll see that you're genuine.

"Did you hear about the fair the school is hosting on campus next week?" Felix breaks the silence and looks you in the eyes.

"Oh yeah, I saw the flyer earlier today in passing."

"Wanna go?"

"I want to. Depends on if I meet with Hyunjin or not."

"You can always meet before or after." You chuckle.

"Only if it was that easy, right?"

"I'm sure you'll have time." He licks his lips. "Come. I want you to be there."

"Okay." You nod, agreeing to this so-called fair without even knowing what work and your school schedule had in store for you next week. Hopefully, you actually had the time.

When you and Felix reach the parking lot, he parts ways with you and bids you goodnight. He waits until you get into your car and drive off before he gets himself settled onto his bike. The drive home is always lonely, the street you live on is always so quiet. Although you appreciate it more than anything, it would be nice to have company nearby from time to time. Your family wasn't far, but it also wasn't an easy drive back home. Coming home to a cold, empty in-law and a quiet street with no one to greet you after a long day— you missed them the most at this time.

"Hello?" You plop onto your bed when a call from your older brother comes through.

"Yo! Are you home little one?" You shake your head and chuckle at Hoseok's tone, always so loud and energetic no matter the time of day.

"Just touched down actually."

"Long day?"

"A bit, yeah."

"You better be resting in between school and work."

"I'll rest when all of this is over."

"Shut up." He laughs. "I just called to check up on you, especially when mom came at me saying I don't care enough about you."

"You don't." You joke. Your brother definitely cared a lot about you. He was your protector, your guardian, your safety blanket. He had been busy as a clothing designer, dropping his original plans to open his own small shop in town, but he always made sure to make time for you, the family. Never forgetting where he came from. Your family's journey wasn't easy, yet your brother's was the most influential to you. You only hoped he truly knew how much he meant to you.

"Don't say things like that."

"Kidding. I know you do." He chuckles a bit.

"Did you eat?"

"Yeah." You hit the speakerphone button so you can start getting ready for bed.

"Why do you sound like that?" He chuckles.

"We got assigned our first project and my partner fucking hates my guts." You repeat the story even though time and time again, people have told you they thought otherwise. You couldn't help it.

"Y/N, I'm positive he doesn't hate you."

"We'll see." You say.

"Don't stress. It'll turn out fine. You just started, okay? You're doing well. It's only up from here."

"Thank you." You simply respond. "How's mama and papa?"

"They're alright, just working day in and day out at the bakery."

"You should be helping me by telling them to rest more."

"I do. They don't listen." He sighs. "Which brings me to what I also wanted to call you about." You hear a door shut in the background. "Papa was super exhausted the other day."

"W-what?" You pause, the worry taking over your entire body.

"Look, I don't want you to worry. He was fine, just needed a minute to catch his breath."

"How can I not worry?"

"I'm here, aren't I? I promise I'll make sure it's nothing more."

"He's never been like that, you know?"

"It's been hotter and the bakery has been booming lately."

"Hoseok, I'll literally drive down right now—"

"No, I've got a handle on it. Seriously. Don't worry." He reassures you. "I'll split up my work and have my assistant help me out so I can be more present at the bakery."

"You swear?"

"Yes."

"Okay." You sigh. "If you need anything though, please just let me know. I'll get there."

"I know. I can always count on you." You can feel him smiling through the phone. "But I got it from here. You just focus on school and work, alright? It'll be fine."

"Okay. Make sure mom gets some rest too."

"Yeah, I made them go to bed early. Gonna go clean up the kitchen after the call." You nod, as if Hoseok can see you.

"Well, thanks for calling. I'm not sure when I'll be able to pop in, but I'm hoping soon."

"Don't worry baby sis, you know your family's always gonna be right here." You smile. "Get some rest. I love you."

"You too, punk. I love you." You respond, smiling as you put the phone down. You take a minute to process the information you were given. Although you trusted your brother and you knew he could take care of your family well, it still didn't stop the worry from seeping in. Your father had always been such a hardworker, taking on more than he should and never making his problems anyone else's problems. The bakery was indeed becoming one of the most popular bakeries on Oahu, many natives and tourists coming to pop in day in and day out. Part of you felt a little guilty that you were here, finishing up your grad program while your family was working day in and day out. You wished you had more time to help. But, you knew once this was all over, you'd be more present. You and your brother would be able to provide for your family and they could finally rest.

Just a little more, you remind yourself.

Push through.

♡ taglist: @lotus-dly​ @hyunk1ss @sstarryoong​ @laylasbunbunny​ @azeret98​ @peterballardsgf @taeriffic​ @nattisbored​ [bold = couldn’t tag!]

[gatheringbones]

[“Having been out of the baby-catching game for some decades, I was caught off guard by a phrase Stanger-Ross used when we spoke: “obstetrical trauma.”

“That has become a term,” she said. “Unfortunately, a lot of women feel that their birthing experience was one of trauma, which, of course, is going to have impacts on the parent-child relationship. If the birth was traumatizing, then how does that translate when now you have a newborn in your arms?”

Right on cue, I was given a textbook illustration of this alarming trend via a conversation I had the day I finished this chapter. I was being interviewed over video conference by a New York journalist reporting on the COVID-19 pandemic, which at the time was engulfing her city.

At one point, Courtney, as I’ll call her, proudly showed off her three-month-old cherub. When she learned what I was working on, she poured out the awful story of her recent experience at Mount Sinai Hospital at the hands of one of New York’s most prominent and well-regarded obstetricians. It is as clear a tale of normalized obstetrical trauma as can be imagined.

Thirty-seven years old and healthy, Courtney was expecting an uneventful delivery. At thirty weeks the physician phoned her to announce, as if by decree, that, given her age, labor would be induced at thirty-nine weeks. This, the doctor said, was “the office protocol here” for anyone older than thirty-five. “She had known my age from the beginning, since I walked into her office last May,” Courtney said. “I was so shocked that I hung up the phone—I barely said a word. I had to have half a glass of wine. I was so upset, I didn’t sleep all that night.”

It went downhill from there. Courtney recalled with pain “the sudden disappearance of flexibility and the imposition of a tyrannical dictate. It was not the kind of care I expected. I’m not used to being bullied by doctors or talked down to. The tone became so toxic . . . and then she also kept saying, ‘The baby is huuuge. He’s going to be huuuge.’ I said to her, ‘Wait, I heard that growth scans are notoriously bad at predicting weight.’ She responded, ‘Not at Sinai. He’s going to be nine pounds at least.’” (The baby’s actual birth weight: less than eight pounds.)

Courtney considered looking for a new physician, but this late in pregnancy and still in awe of the specialist’s credentials, she stayed put. “By week thirty-eight, she was saying, every week, ‘This is really not looking good for vaginal, it’s really not. I don’t know what to tell you.’ I just kept saying, ‘I really don’t want a C-section.’ And this was our dynamic week after week. I was in a terrible state of mind for the last three or four weeks of the pregnancy: sobbing, nervous breakdown . . . At the appointed time, we show up at Mount Sinai, and it’s a horrible scene. We’re in this waiting room for three hours, a million different things going on, and I kept saying to my partner, ‘Why the fuck am I here? We are totally within our rights to go back to Brooklyn and go into labor naturally.’”

Feeling disempowered, having her intuition invalidated at this most vulnerable time of her life, being intimidated by a highly extolled medical specialist, and having been raised in a culture where “expert” authority trumps one’s own, Courtney lacked the wherewithal to assert herself. She finally acceded to the induction and, after fifteen hours of fruitless labor, the inevitable surgery. “I was so weak. I’d been throwing up. Everything about this was like the biggest nightmare. I said, ‘Fuck it—let’s just do the C-section. Like, what choice do I have at this point?’ So we roll into the OR, and I’m throwing up on the table, and I’m a basket case, sobbing. Scared out of my mind, shaking. They start the surgery; it takes forever. She then says to me, ‘Oh, I didn’t realize your abdominal muscles were this strong.’ They were, because I’ve done Pilates for twenty years. I’m thinking, ‘Why didn’t you realize it? You’ve been examining me regularly for nine months and anticipating this surgery for weeks.’ And the following morning she said to me—can you even make this up?—‘I’m going to call the Mount Sinai scanning department and complain about how inaccurate your growth scans were!’ All that week in the hospital I would just lie awake at night, sobbing at how violated I was.”

I asked Courtney whether she had thought of working with a midwife. “I’m not that left-wing,” she said. “I’m not that far-out. I completely bought into the system.”]

gabor maté, from the myth of normal: trauma, illness, and healing in a toxic culture, 2022

[tommybaholland]

when they’re needy for their s/o’s attention

featuring: kuroo, kenma, akaashi, kageyama, and nishinoya

kuroo

he walks into the room where he sees you diligently trying to read something in one of your textbooks

he smiles bc you’re so cute and hardworking 

and he almost (almost) feels bad that he’s about to ruin it 

he gets closer and observes that it’s more like you’re staring at the words on the page rather than reading them

“oh, there you are, lovely. do you have a minute?”

you look at him with a dropped expression, slumping over in your chair

“babe, you’ve been in here almost all day. i think it’s time for a break.”

you tell him about the huge chapter that you have to read, annotate, and generate several questions on by tomorrow 

“please, baby? i just want to show you something. you can come back in here after if you want but i wanna show you what i’ve been working on.” 

you halfheartedly agree and he takes you by the hand to lead you into your room 

the first thing you see when you walk in is all the pillows removed from your bed, including your stuffed animals and squishmallows 

they seemed to have migrated to the floor where there was a little awning of blankets which were held up by desk chairs 

“here it is! it’s a cozy, little blanket corner and it’s the perfect size for two.”

you smile and laugh a little at the craftsmanship

he had obviously put some time into this

you feel his fingertips trace over your shoulders as he wraps his arm around you

“so i thought we could watch a movie as a little break and i promise i’ll make sure you get your work done before tomorrow but you don’t have to if you feel like you want to get it done now--”

you respond by simply hugging him tightly around his waist as you thank him, telling him you love it 

he smiles earnestly as he pets down your hair and rubs your back

“of course, kitten.”

he feels smug but happy that his plan had worked 

because he loves getting to spend care-free time with you 

kenma  

less about words, more about (wholesome) actions

and therefore he’s not very subtle about wanting attention 

sits down next to you as you’re doing something for school and will pout like >:| when you don’t immediately greet him or acknowledge his presence

so he decides he has to resort to drastic measures 

he’s a literal cat

bumps his forehead into your shoulder multiple times until you look at him 

sometimes he’ll just simply rest it there and lean into you 

you feel his little forehead bumps or the weight of his head on your shoulder

and you’re like, ‘what is it, ken’

again, he doesn’t speak, he just takes your hand and places it on top of his head 

the silent signal that he wants you to play with his hair 

it’s, without a doubt, one of the cutest things he does 

he lays his head next to your thigh as you rub over the side of his head with one hand as you continue to try to work 

he’ll try to slowly inch his head to rest in your lap 

it’s beginning to hinder your work time, so you suggest that he go play a game or something 

*sigh* “i want to lay with you...also i already played today.”

buries his face into your tummy as he hugs you around your hips

“i’ll help you finish whatever you need later but please, can you just do that thing with my hair? i like that.”

it’s that serious 

and your only choice is to surrender 

so you decide to stop what you’re doing and lean back, placing both your hands in his hair, letting strands slide through your fingers

you put little braids in it like he likes

he sighs contently at the feeling, as it gives him little tingles from his scalp all the way down his spine 

akaashi 

he’s very discrete about wanting attention 

he’ll find you on the couch, working on something on your laptop 

he gets you out of the work trance momentarily to greet and kiss you sweetly on the lips 

he sits down close next to you and peers over your shoulder and asks you what you’re working on 

he’s interested but has no idea what you’re talking about 

“sounds...complex. do you need anything? or maybe want to take a little break?”

you know the ‘do you need anything’ is just his way of saying, “it’s my turn to have your attention.” 

you shake your head and tell him that you’re almost finished

“okay. can i sit here with you, baby?” 

you allow him under one condition

“no, i won’t distract you. i promise.”

that promise doesn’t go very far as he inches closer to you and tries to fit himself behind you, nudging his shoulder behind yours

you eventually ask if he wants to sit behind you

he smiles softly, “yes, please. i’d like that.”

you shift around and get comfy with him now sitting behind you

“just relax and lean into me, babe. there we go. do you mind if i...play with your hair?”

even though you can tell he wants your attention, consent is still at the top of his priorities

(which makes him the sweetest boy)

fools with your hair for a bit until he brushes it all to one shoulder

“is it okay if i..kiss your neck a bit?”

it’s getting harder to concentrate with the feeling of his feather light kisses on your skin, but luckily you only have a few sentences left to write

you feel him pressing closer to you and you ask him what he’s doing

“i’m just wrapping my arms around you and holding you, baby.”

he sits quietly for a bit, holding you tightly around the waist as you finish up your assignment and close your laptop

“oh, you’re finished? do you wanna... finish that show and cuddle now?”

you nod and he grins, “yeah? okay. now, can i have a kiss?”

kageyama

this man is not known to be a master communicator alright 

doesn’t really know how to express his feelings verbally :’(

so he generally tries to hide when he wants your attention 

but then hinata shows him the ‘i want the cuddles’ tiktok 

and at first he cringes and thinks it’s gross 

“i bet your poor s/o must wish they had a boyfriend who would do that!”

“shut UP you turd licker! you’re just jealous that i’m actually in a relationship, unlike YOU >:P”

but in the back of his mind, he wishes he could be the one to do that for you

fortunately you make it very easy for him  

you’ll be reading a book and he’ll come sit close to you and just kinda stare at you 

you feel it on you and you ask him if everything’s okay

“what? ye- yeah, i’m fine.”

you grin, knowing something’s up and ask if he wants to be held  

“no, actually-- i, uh, just, um, i wanted to hold you this time? if that’s okay?”

you’re like, ‘of course it’s okay!!’ but first you finish reading the page of your book that you’re on

once you’re done and the book is officially put down, you ask him where he wants you

he’s visibly nervous and doesn’t know how to say it so he just opens up his arms 

you wrap your arms around his waist and hug him close to you and he leans back so you’re resting on his chest 

his arms wrap around you and the one plays with the hem of your shirt, his fingertips occasionally brushing your skin

he lets out a content sigh at the pressure from you being on top of him 

you ask him if it’s okay for him

“yes, thank you.”

he loves that he has someone as patient as you 

nishinoya 

in terms of level of discreteness, he’s at the bottom out of these boys

honestly will attack you if you’re not doing anything

but you’ll usually hear him before you see him so you’re prepared for the impact

he literally yells and practically jumps at you when he sees you anywhere so you’re pretty used to this very ‘noya display of affection’ 

and it’s no different when you’re alone 

except he tries to be not as loud, especially when it looks like you’re doing something important

“hey, my sweet and gorgeous-- oh, look at you working hard. sorry, i’ll be quiet.”

he’s someone who’s the type to annoy you every five seconds, even in a quieter voice

and he asks about a million questions 

“what are you doing?”

“what does that mean?”

“why do you have to do it like that?”

“haha! sounds like that time me and tanaka had to study for our english final.”

“okay, sorry, i’ll let you do your work.”

but this boy can literally not sit still either and has to change his position on the couch every minute or so

you eventually decide to get up from your seat, wanting to move to the desk where you know you’ll probably get more work done

“hey, where are you going? come back here!”

and you’re like, ‘i love you but..’

“well, maybe if you held me in place, i wouldn’t move around so much!”

you knew exactly where this was going, looking unamused

“aww, c’mon sweetheart.”

and then he starts making that ‘psppspsps’ sound like you do with cats, as if it’s going to get you to willingly go back over to him

“yeah, you’re my cat now. hahahahaha”

you just ignore him and that’s when he gets whiny, very whiny and pouty and kinda dramatic

“c’monnnnnnnnn ughhhhhhhh. please, babyyyyyyyyy i need your cuddles or i’m gonna dieeeeeeee.”

at this point, you’d just give in but there are days were you can ignore him long enough to miraculously get your work done

“are you finished yet-- oh, you are? yay!”

will either sit in your lap or pull you into him to attack your face with kisses 

“let’s go get something to eat! are you hungry? i’m starving.”

hope we’re having fun on this haikyuu night! got any requests??

[embrassemoi]

Surrounded by the Moon and Stars ✷ 34

Pairings: Sirius B, F!Reader, Remus L    Warnings: DARK THEMES, heavily implied domestic abuse (the Black family) A/n: I’m editing this in a restaurant rn. Nobody can say that I’m not committed! Anyway, if there’s more errors than usual, it’s bc I’m on mobile. Sorry!

【 Masterlist | Previous Chapter | ao3 】

Chapter 34: Secrets of Our Souls

━━━━━━━━━༻✩༺━━━━━━━━━

Meet me at our place at midnight. Be careful. Make sure nobody follows you.  R.A.B

Y/N read the letter several times before folding it in half while her eyes glazed the crowd of students in the Great Hall in search of Regulus.

A no-show.

Since the start of the term, she’d been trying to get hold of Regulus but her attempts were futile. He was as finicky as a shadow, never staying still long enough for her to grasp, to spot.

Everything about his inconspicuous disappearance and the peculiar letter left her deeply unnerved. He'd even gone as far as using a different owl to respond to her letters; not the usual Black family owl.

In many ways, Regulus was mysterious; highly unusual — dare she say frightening.

“Oh!” Marlene exclaimed. “A secret admirer?”

“Give it back!” Y/N said indignantly as Marlene pried the letter from her hand, unfolding it. Before she could read the contents, Y/N nearly tackled it out of her grasp, snatching it back while Marlene pouted. “It’s private.”

Continuing to sulk, Dorcas smiled at Marlene. From between the sliver of space from under the wooden table and their bodies, she watched as Dorcas held Marlene’s hand; thumb grazing over her knuckles. Y/N eyed them questioningly.

“What are you not telling us?” Dorcas mused, leaning on the table with a sly smirk.

Marlene snapped her fingers. “Oi! Ginger snaps!”

Lily peered over, smile vanishing, placing her fork down. “Did you just call me a…?”

“Would you prefer traffic cone then?” Mary teased.

“I like Carrots more.” Dorcas added, shyly.

“Anyway, you two are pretty much attached,” Marlene said. Had she known better, she would have recognized Marlene’s tone for jealousy. "Who sent that letter?”

Lily shrugged but her face turned downwards at her uncomfortable body language. “She said it’s private. Leave it.”

The conversation ended at that.

Y/N felt a little nudge under the table and as she looked up, Lily’s head was tilted, conveying the silent question, ‘are you okay?’ She didn’t answer as a couple of first years bounced up to Marlene, tugging down on her sleeve. She turned to them, flicking her blond hair out of her face with a wide smile.

One first year was close to tears, another one standing on their tippy-toes to whisper something in her ear.

“Please can you come to the common room? It’s scary and I-I miss my dad!” One of the first years cried out.

Marlene cooed, hugging them lovingly. With a nod, she stood and pressed a kiss to the side of Dorcas’ cheek. She managed to make it seem like she was whispering in her ear before turning back to the group. “See you tossers later!”

Dorcas watched Marlene walk away. First years jumping, hanging off of her while Dorcas’ fingers grazed the spot on her face where she kissed her. She dazzled radiantly.

Before midnight, Y/N left her dorm, heading to the Marauder’s room and knocked on their door. She vaguely heard footsteps approaching before it opened.

She smiled before she could even register it. “Moony.”

He grinned widely. “Whiskers,” Remus said pleasantly, leaning against the door frame, his hair falling slightly over his eyes. “How may I help you?”

“Seeing you has already helped a lot.” She joked while Remus blushed madly. She laughed at his reaction. “I need to talk to Bambi.”

Remus had his eyebrows raised but opened the door wide and beckoned her in.

She noticed a bed pushed far to the left, isolated from the other beds. The curtains were almost nearly closed aside from the sliver that was still open. Black was there, book in hand with a few pieces of parchment laid surrounding him. He was already looking up at her.

They truly isolated Black from them in every way possible.

“Oh hey, Y/N.” Peter smiled before throwing her a small wrapped sweet her way. “Greetings!”

“Thanks, Pete!” She caught it. And dropped onto James’ bed. His glasses were strewn, laying on his bedside table as he flicked through his book.

“To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“Do you mind if I borrow your invisibility cloak tonight?”

James surprisingly didn’t push further as he simply went through his trunk and threw her the cloak, only asking that she would be careful with it.

She hopped out of the room, rushing out to the cold corridors and threw the cloak over her head. As she passed through various hallways, she finally opened the door to her and Regulus’ small hideout. A couple of candles were lit and the familiar Slytherin and Gryffindor blankets clashed together.

Huddled in the corner of the room on the couch, small and curled with his legs pressed against his chest and chin perched on his knees, Regulus was there, shaking.

She rushed up to him, keeping her hand visible and only touching him when he realized it was her. Consoling people was always a challenge in itself.

“What happened?”

Regulus’ voice was strained and tired. “C-can you hug me? Please?”

Her heart could have shattered as she roped him into a large, crushing hug. His aching sobs crashed through her chest. Y/N’s arms were tight around Regulus, his head face pressed against her shoulder and she could feel his tears seep through her shirt. Doing the best she could, she soothed him, petting his hair.

She couldn’t tell just how much time had passed until Regulus’ snuffles calmed down as he harshly wiped his tears. It was the first time she was able to truly get a close-up of how he looked.

To put it lightly, Regulus looked like shit.

Any of that regal, youthful glow of his diminished. And she realized it only faded whenever he went home. His skin was dull and grey, eyes sunken. Even his long hair was cut lopsidedly.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked.

“I… It’s…” Regulus trailed off, face full of worry and trouble. “It’s…”

“It’s okay,” she rubbed her hand up and down his shoulder. “You don’t have to tell me.”

But something caught her eye. Regulus’ trousers rode up in his shaking state. A large bandage was wrapped messily on his leg. The skin around the bandage was red and a few scars peaked out. But as soon as she realized, he had too and quickly pulled the fabric down.

“... What is that?” She asked softly. She didn’t know what it was, but something heavy sunk in her chest — the feeling of sickening, frightening dread.

He refused to answer.

“You have to get that checked out —”

“No!” Regulus shouted, complete panic filtering through his face.

“Whatever that is, it isn’t going to heal properly if we don’t.”

Regulus debated for a while and she saw the conflict on his face before relenting. “I’m embarrassed by it…”

She mustered up any kind of energy left and smiled. “I won’t judge you.” She managed to catch his eye and held it. She went over her options quickly.

1. Leave Regulus?

Option one was already tossed out the window. The weight of the situation was far too grave to continue to let it slide by again and again.

2. Press further?

But how?

3. Make him feel comfortable?

Bingo.

If he was ashamed by his scars, then maybe if she showed hers…

She turned to Regulus, lifting her sleeve. A scar ran across her forearm from Snape’s attack during the Quidditch match.

“I got this a couple of months ago in a nasty fight.” Then she pointed to the small scar on her leg from when she was dragged by Moony. "I got this from an accident."

But then, she sucked in a deep breath, mustering up all her bravery and courage, pushing down every bit of insecurity. She tugged down the collar of her shirt a bit, just enough to reveal the top of a much more faded scar that travelled down to her sternum. “And I got this from a heart surgery.”

She fixed her shirt to sit properly again. “I was born with a heart defect. It went undetected until my mom found me, hardly breathing and had to perform open-heart surgery on me. I was supposed to die but here I am. Healthy and alive and I haven’t had a problem since.”

Regulus looked up at her wide-eyed and his body became less stiff.

“I used to be so… ashamed of it. Maybe I still am, I never talk about it… Only you, my mom and someone at Ilvermorny knows. But my point is, I am more than my scars, and you are too.”

She swallowed her fear, now cursing herself and resolved to shut up. Waiting, she wondered that since she showed him the scars that perhaps he would too.

Regulus considered her, almost astonished, finally moving to pull up his trousers and peeling off his bandage, wincing while doing so.

It felt like a cold bucket of water was splashed all over her body. She desperately tried to keep her face blank as the overwhelming urge to cry while combating the wave of nausea hit her.

His skin was butchered — fiery red. They weren’t neat, like what a surgeon's scalpel would be like, but messy, crisscrossed and viciously deep. It had hardly healed and they were old enough to be a little over a week or two old. And undoubtedly painful.

Whoever did that to him was enraged, furious.

��Shit… Regulus… who did this?” She asked quietly, more to herself than him as he remained silent. She stood, commanding, “We need to get you fixed up.”

“It’s not that b —”

“Stop lying.”

“Just don’t take me to the hospital wing.”

Wanting to know more, she was too afraid that any more prying would result in Regulus completely shutting down and withholding more information. Instead, she picked up the invisibility cloak, threw it over him and wrapped an arm underneath Regulus' arms to help him walk out of the room.

She went to the only other place she knew she would be able to offer any resemblance of help.

Once reaching the Potions classroom, muttering Alohomora, Y/N helped Regulus sit down comfortably at one of the extra tables and immediately got to work. All sorts of magic went around as she grabbed an extra textbook and flipped to the Essence of Dittany page.

Shelves, jars and cabinets opened and closed on their own accord, all taking ingredients as they fell into a boiling cauldron.

“What are you doing?” Regulus questioned, nervously drumming his fingers on the table.

“Making you something.”

It was still between them. She didn’t know what to say, only what to do. Everything went through her mind like a step-by-step process, like a robot categorizing its own emotions.

Because what was the right response to something like this?

She stared at the bubbling cauldron, slowly stirring to avoid eye contact. “You don’t have to tell me but… you didn’t do this to yourself —”

“No,” Regulus said, calmly and steadily.

“Then… to the person — people who did… will they bother you again?”

“Probably not… I’ll be okay.”

It wasn’t the answer she was hoping for.

Once the potion was completed, she poured it inside an applicator and made sure to cast a quick cleaning spell. A soft blue glow emitted around his leg until disappearing. She looked up to him, fisting his shirt and shoved it inside his mouth. “I’m sorry, this is going to hurt.”

She took the applicator, pouring a couple drops onto his wound. A greenish smoke billowed around them as it bubbled on his skin. The skin was stitching itself back together and over his wound. Regulus moaned in pain, fist banging on the wooden table.

She finally pulled the cloth from his mouth once down and ran across the room to find more clean clothes to dab off the sweat from his face. Y/N thought for a second he was going to faint.

“I’m so sorry Reg… Sorry…”

He didn’t say anything for a while, only nodding in response meanwhile she monitored his condition. She gave him the wrapped candy that Peter gave her, hoping that it would help him regain some energy. She was beginning to grow worried that she might’ve brewed it incorrectly as her mind mulled over possible counter potions.

“I know… you said... you don’t talk to my brother much…” Regulus croaked out. She closed the book, rushing up to him. “But... you are in the same friend group… right?”

She chewed the inside of her cheek. A white lie wouldn’t hurt.

“Things changed. We’re friends. Why?”

There was a long pause. “Is he okay?”

A million questions went through her. Even if they were estranged, wouldn’t he know?

“He’s okay.” Lie. “He’s just been… stressed as of late.” True.

“Is he still staying with the Potter’s?”

“Yes.”

He smiled, eyelids drooping but everything about it told her something wasn’t right. “I’m glad.”

Regulus refused to let her help him walk back to the dungeons and left with his wound almost fully healed. And she was left with more questions than any answers as she slithered into bed.

What was he not telling her?

But then she thought about the summer with Matthew. Why had he been so surprised that she had been with a member of the Black family? Or how did he even know them? What was it about them that commanded so much respect and international recognition?

A couple of footsteps padded her way and Y/N felt her bed dip, a weight sliding beside her.

“Are you okay?” Lily whispered. “Been worried about you these past couple of days.”

“Yeah,” Y/N said, turning to the side to look at Lily through the night. “Jolly.”

“You sure? It can be our secret?”

She remained quiet and it gave Lily her answer. She turned onto her side before mumbling. “Feel free to stay tonight.” When she didn’t feel Lily leave, but she wiggled around to become comfortable, she sighed, forcing herself to sleep.

There was certainly far too much happening in her life at the moment for her to fully care about Lily’s bizarre and avoidant behaviour. She just wanted the next day to come.

━━━━━━━━━༻✩༺━━━━━━━━━

The next few days were uncomfortable and Y/N was beyond exhausted.

Breakfast was nothing more than her sipping on a glass of water, studying the Slytherin table, worried for Regulus.

Was he being bullied? Was he… no… the wound was a bit too old for it to have taken place at Hogwarts.

She spent most of the day in the library, simply reviewing her Herbology and Advanced Potions textbook.

Much to James’ dismay, all the free periods they had in sixth year were due to the overwhelming work and increased difficulty in lessons. Fortunately for Y/N, Potions was partially a free class and she never had to worry about it aside from the essays. It was far too easy.

During class, she would figure out new techniques, tricks, but to her dismay, Slughorn had really enjoyed how both she and Snape performed together and often paired them up during potions. She hated to admit it, but there was a reason why Snape was a favourite student of Slughorn. He had talent. Although, he was in a permanently vindictive mood around her which made him even more unbearable.

The tip of her eagle-feather quill moved across the pages of the textbook and she pulled back momentarily to review her book.

Nightshade… Powdered silver… Stewed Mandrakes… Slughorn had said it helped werewolves… What if Remus —

“Whiskers! There you are!” James said, strutting up. He sat down on the couch beside her, both tucked away in the corner of the library.

She gave a little wave of her fingers before closing her book. James suddenly became slightly dejected at her reaction. She couldn’t force herself to put on a show.

“Something wrong?”

Y/N felt like there were no answers to everything that had been happening recently. Only if Matthew was there.

But James was.

“I need to ask you something.”

His head swivelled around to see if anyone with prying ears was listening in before nodding.

“Could you tell me about the Black family?”

She had never seen James go so rigid. His cheek hallowed as he chewed the inside of his cheek and waited for her to elaborate.

“I know I don’t talk about it but Regulus is a friend of mine.” She didn’t miss the way James stiffened further at that. “And he’s… worrying me. He’s… god, I don’t know what to say.”

James threw up a silencing spell, encircling them. “It’s okay, go on.”

“Regulus’ leg was butchered. I think he’s being bullied or it’s darker than that.”

James’ skin, which was usually a warm, rich look, seemed as if it paled, almost giving him a gray appearance. “Did he say anything about his family?”

“No. But he never talks about them. Is that the reason why Black stays with you?”

“Even with the non-existent respect I have for Black, I feel like I can’t tell you much,” James said and she understood why. “But the Black family — they’re fucking insane. Their Pureblood mania is probably one of the worst I’ve ever seen.” James took a moment to look at her reaction after mentioning blood purity. “He has a reason to be scared of them.”

“So you’re telling me that his family… they hurt him?”

James looked down, the gravity of their conversation finally hitting him. He took off his round glasses, rubbing his temples. “I’m not sure. Maybe? It was probably another Slytherin. His parents… love him — I don’t see them laying a hand on him. He didn’t mention running away? Did he?”

“No.”

She heard James curse under his breath as he grabbed his hair out of habit. “I’ll talk to him.”

“About what? You can’t tell him I told you, he’ll —”

“Relax. I won’t. I’ll ask him to move in with me.”

Y/N felt like she could faint there and then. Everything in her body felt wobbly, weak as she grappled with the idea of Regulus and his home life. Then Black… did he also go through what Regulus has been through? The thought made her sick.

James’ voice tugged her back to reality. “Promise me something.” She waited for him to continue.

“I know Regulus is your friend and that he’s going through a rough time but…” James struggled with his words. “But… be careful around him. He’s not much of a threat but his family is. There’s a reason why Black lives with me; no matter how angry, how much I hate him, I would never let him go back there. To them.

“The war is approaching and they have eyes all on Regulus — watching everything he does.”

Goosebumps covered her entire body. Everything James said sounded more like an underlying threat of sorts. She wondered if that was the reason why he refused to be seen with her publicly. “Are you saying that he’s a Death Eater?”

“No,” James responded briskly. “But it’s not to say his parents won’t force him to. If you knew his family, you would understand —”

Both students snapped their heads up from the figure slowly approaching them as James eased off the silencing charm.

Professor Elway was there, holding a large leather-bound book and a stack of parchment, most likely essays she had to grade. She only gave a small nod to James before smiling widely at Y/N which caused James to mutter something vaguely familiar that sounded like ‘favouritism.’

“Ms. L/N! How wonderful to see you!” Elway was enlivened. “I was just thinking about you.”

“Oh! Erm — thank you?”

Elway laughed, “Your work has been incredible! I’m very impressed.”

She felt James nudge her under the table.

“Oh!” The professor exclaimed. “There’s a Duelling club session tonight I’m supervising. I’d love to see you there?”

“I’m sorry, but we have a paper due in Transfigurations.” James helped, cutting in for her. She felt herself relax into her chair.

In no time, Defence Against the Dark Arts became Y/N’s favourite class and duelling was incredibly fun, but all she wanted to do was sleep. Perhaps another time…

Professor Elway gave a little sigh but nodded her head. “Then I’ll see you next session! Have a good day, Ms. L/N and Mr..?”

“Potter.”

“My apologies, Mr. Potter. Have a fine day!”

While they watched her leave, both students were left with a similar deep, icy trepidation that clawed at their soul and a single question heavy in their hearts.

━━━━━━━━━༻✩༺━━━━━━━━━

【 Next Chapter 】

© gotkindabored 2021. Do not repost, translate or modify

[totalbetty]

Touch || Lee Jeno - III.

AU | soulmate au pairing | OC x high-school!Jeno genre | slow burn, strangers to friends, friends to lovers, soulmates; fluff & angst word count | 20,2k trigger warning | 16+ strong language, sexual innuendos, blood, death, kidnapping, assault, violence

description | In a world where everyone has a soulmate, but not everyone is destined to meet their other half, Ru didn't think she could be an exception. After all, what kind of story starts with an ordinary, teenage orphan like her? However, all that changed when her eyes met his: big, dark and mysterious.

Masterlist! PART I | PART II | PART III | PART IV | PART V | PART VI | PART VII | PART VIII

chapter eleven.

The wooden floor of the bedroom wasn't exactly the most comfortable place to study— or to do anything, for that matter— but Ru laid on the floor anyway, her textbooks sprawled across the floor.

It had been over an hour since she gave up doing her homework. In the middle of working on a particularly boring essay, Ru received a phone call from Chohee; it was a group call for the three of them. Since then, she had been on a call with them, her school tasks completely forgotten.

"No waaay, seriously?" Chohee's squeaky voice blared through her phone.

"I know!" Jia's sweet voice filled the air, "I felt so bad, letting him down in front of all his friends like that."

"Hold on," Ru interrupted. She was now lying down on her back, facing her ceiling fan. "Is this the same guy we were talking about last time?"

Jia chuckled. "No, actually, this is another—"

"—Oh my god, we forgot to tell you," Chohee squealed, speaking over Jia. "This one's a toootally different guy! He's, like, not even from our school."

Another guy? Ru laughed in disbelief. She couldn't blame these boys for liking Jia, though. Not only is she gorgeous, but she has this sweet and angelic presence. She'd be lying if she said Jia didn't catch her attention too.

"What was his reaction?" Ru asked.

"Oh, it was bad!" Jia exclaimed. "He got all sad and walked away without even saying a thing. His friends made it even worse, though; they all laughed— made everything so awkward. Now I just have a bouquet of roses and a bunch of chocolates."

Ru could hear Chohee cackling on the other line. "Share the chocolates!"

"Come over and we'll eat the chocolate together! We can paint our nails again and talk about our failed love lives— my nail polish is already chipping."

Ru instinctively raised her hand above her, admiring the viridian green nail polish on her hands as a little smile formed on her face.

Chohee responded, "oh, what do you mean, 'failed love lives'? You've had plenty of chances at a love life. Are you ever gonna accept anyone's confession?"

There was a slight pause, before Jia said, "I will! I'm just waiting for that someone special."

"Oooh, someone special? Are you talking about a particular someone?" Chohee teased.

"No, of course not! Ru's probably bored of my stupid drama, anyway, we should talk about something else."

Bored? Ru spent many nights watching and reading drama-related content, and now she finally has a real one; it was weirdly exhilarating.

"Don't try to change the subject Jia," Ru giggled, "give us all the details."

Chohee's laugh filled her room. "You see, even Ru's invested!"

There was another brief silence, like Jia didn't quite know what to say now. However, Chohee interrupted the silence with a little gasp.

"Oh my god, don't tell me you're waiting for your soulmate or something! That stuff only happens in the movies, babe."

"No!" Jia's soft voice responded quickly. "Are you crazy? I'm not one of those soulmate fanatics."

The three of them laughed boisterously at Jia's declaration. However, Ru couldn't help but feel something tugging at her.

She's not a soulmate fanatic, is she? She never intended on finding her soulmate, she just... did. Nonetheless, she couldn't ignore the fact that for these past few weeks, soulmates had been a pretty prevalent topic in her mind. She befriended a boy just because she stupidly thought they were soulmates— oh god, did Jeno think she was some soulmate fanatic?

Obviously, there's nothing wrong with explicitly waiting for your soulmate, it's just that it has been proven to be such a lost cause, anyone who does so comes across as foolish. She hoped she didn't sound stupid... No, you know what? Having a hunch that you may have found your soulmate but not acting on it is what's stupid.

Yeah, would've been stupid to stay silent, Ru nodded at herself in reassurance.

She was interrupted from her agitation by a voice calling her from a distance.

"Ru, can you come downstairs?"

It took her a second to realize that it was Mrs. Choi calling her from downstairs.

"Guys, I have to go now," Ru spoke into her phone. The girls greeted her goodbye and she hung up.

"Coming!" Ru called out, picking up her phone as she stood up. She walked out of her room and down the stairs to find the entire family by the front door. Dabin was on the floor, putting on his shoes, Mr. Choi putting on his jacket just by the coat hanger.

"Ah, there you are," Mrs. Choi said as she was fixing her coat.

Ru stopped just in front of them, feeling slightly out of place.

"We're all going to the hospital. Will you be okay home alone?" Mrs. Choi asked, finally turning around to face Ru.

"Yes, I'll be fine." Ru nodded. "Is something wrong?"

"Oh, no, no—" Mrs. Choi waved her arm dismissively— "just a hospital check-up."

Ru nodded again, feeling slightly awkward. She didn't really know if she should wait for them to leave the house or if she could go back to her room now. She watched silently as Mr. Choi rummaged through her bag until she finally fished something out of it.

"In case you want to leave, here's the spare key so you can lock up the house." Mrs. Choi handed her a key with a tiny bird keychain.

"Thank you—" Ru reached out for the key, giving Mrs. Choi a polite smile.

As Ru grabbed the key, Mrs. Choi noticed her dark green nails. "Oh, did you get those with your friends?"

Ru nodded as she grinned shyly; a warm smile spread across Mrs. Choi's face. "I used to do those with my friends too, when we were younger. You know, we should go and get our nails done sometimes! I've always wanted to go with someone, but Little Dabin here would throw a tantrum if I ever dragged him to a nail salon."

She glanced at Dabin, who was now scowling at his mother.

Mrs. Choi chuckled gleefully. "Alright, then. We'll see you later, darling. Bye!"

Ru waved them a silent goodbye as they all walked out the door, closing it behind them. She sighed in relief, skipping steps as she climbed up the stairs. She could name a lot of things she didn't want to do right now, and one of them would be spending hours alone with Mrs. Choi.

She felt slightly guilty about feeling that way, but it was weird how Mrs. Choi treated her like a little kid— or even worse, her little kid. At least she didn't have to worry about that today.

Upon entering her room, she was greeted with the messy pile of work on the floor. She groaned, crumbling to the ground at the thought of spending the rest of the day doing homework. She didn't really feel like doing anything particularly productive today, so she collected her textbooks, closing them all and putting them on her desk.

The sun was leaking into her room, giving the space a natural glow. She was tempted to sit all day and do nothing, but she decided against it. She got up to the bathroom, washing her face and brushing her teeth, even though she already did it this morning when she woke up.

Ding!

Her phone lit up beside her. Curious, she looked at her phone to find a new notification.

Jeno:) sent you a message.

She felt her heart skip. She reached for her phone but hesitated for a moment— what could he possibly be texting her for? She was almost too nervous to swipe, but she ignored her irrational anxiety. She picked up and swiped her phone, reading the message:

Jeno:) : Hey

Jeno:) : You busy?

She stared at the text. Was she busy? Does it matter if she's busy? Why does he want to know why she's busy? Confused and slightly intrigued, she replied.

Ru: No, why?

Oh god, the text must sound so dry. Her fingers danced over the keyboard, trying to come up with something else to say. Why was it so hard to come up with anything—

Ding!

A new message popped up on her screen.

Jeno:) : You still have the address for that psychic?

She furrowed her eyebrows. The psychic? She thought back to that day when they got the address; it was written on the back of the list of soulmate books she had written down. She hurried out of her bathroom and towards her backpack, crouching to reach it on the floor.

She rummaged through her bag, flipping through many books and stuffing her face into her bag to look into the deep corners of her bag. However, she was disappointed to find nothing.

Where did she put it? She didn't remember throwing it away, so it must be somewhere here. Her eyes wandered throughout the room cluelessly until they landed on a pair of jeans, barely peeking out of her clothes hamper.

She felt a tiny glimmer of hope surface as she crawled her way towards the hamper. She reached into its pockets, not expecting much. However, she felt a tiny piece of crumpled paper. Pulling it out, she straightened out the paper to find the address written messily on it.

Yes!, she cheered internally.

She took her phone and texted him back, telling him she had it with her. It took a while, but another message finally popped out on her screen.

Jeno:) : Good

That's it? Good? She tossed her phone on her bed, annoyed that she was expecting something else. What did he want with the address, anyway? Did he even want it? He didn't exactly ask her for it—

Knock, knock.

Her head shot up straight. What was that? She looked at her bedroom door. The knock didn't sound like it came from her door. After a moment of silence, she shrugged; it must be from outside.

Just as she was putting all her things back in her bag, she heard another knock— louder, this time. She stood up, confused. The knocks sound like they're coming from the...

She turned her head to the window and yelped.

There, just outside her window, was Jeno. He was crouched behind the window, pointing downwards for her to unlock it. She shook her head as she exhaled in relief, walking towards him. She unlocked her window, pulling the handle upwards to open them.

They stared at each other for a moment; Ru was a little speechless— there he was, just casually kneeling behind the window.

"You know," Jeno broke the silence, speaking in a low voice, "your room's really easy to break into."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "What on earth are you even doing outside my window?"

"We're going out," Jeno stated simply.

"No—" she rolled her eyes as she chuckled— "I mean, what are you doing outside my window? I hope you know what front doors are for."

"Oh." He paused, looking down at himself. He didn't realize how easy it was to climb the tree by her window; the fact that there was a roof conveniently placed under her window also caught his attention.

"I, uh—" he smiled— "as you can probably tell, I sneak out a lot."

He watched her lips curve into a little smile. "You idiot."

She turned around, gesturing for him to come in. The roof of her bedroom was strangely low; he could touch the ceiling if he raised his arm.

"Let me just get changed real quick," Ru announced as she grabbed some clothes from her wardrobe drawer.

"Why?" Jeno asked, trying to hold in a smirk.

She gave him a confused look. "Why? I'm in my pajamas, Jeno."

"So?" Jeno walked slowly towards her until they were in front of each other. He bent a little lower so their faces were at eye-level of each other.

The smirk finally grew on his face, and he watched in amusement as her confusion became more apparent.

"Changing out of your pajamas won't make you look any less like the sleepy little toddler you already look like most of the time, anyway."

"Wha—" Ru opened her mouth in retaliation, but nothing came out. She looked away shyly, before looking back at him with narrowed eyes— "I'm changing."

She huffed softly and turned around, walking into her bathroom. Jeno let out a little chuckle, shaking his head. He sat on her desk chair as he waited for her, pulling out his phone and randomly fiddling with it.

That was when he came accidentally across an email he had received earlier today— the message he wanted to distract himself from, even by visiting a stupid little psychic store he had no interest in.

It was a message from the foster care administration, informing him about his father. He felt his blood boil; what made them think he had any interest in his father's well-being? The man could jump off a cliff for all he cared.

Nonetheless, he couldn't help but re-read the message, his eyes painfully scanning through the paragraphs.

Lee Jeno,  We have received updated information regarding your father, Mr. Lee's recent illness, which we are obligated to notify you about. Please be reminded that you also have 37 letters in our possession, addressed to you from said relative, one of which includes an application form to become an inmate-approved visitor. Please confirm your new address below in order to receive these letters.

He stopped reading the message; he let out a breath of frustration, turning his phone off in annoyance. He didn't care. He didn't want to care, nor would he ever care. He stood up, his eyes scanning the unfamiliar room around him as a way to distract him from his anger. Strangely, he felt his breaths steady the longer he looked at her room.

Her bedroom was a plain and small space; there wasn't much decoration or anything that would indicate a teenage girl lived here. All she had in her room was a small twin bed, a clothes drawer and a study desk just by the window.

On her bed was a single pillow, her blanket folded neatly on the corner of her bed. Her desk was a little messier than the rest of her room, the textbooks messily stacked and her stationery scattered across the desk.

His eyes wandered to her clothes drawer, a few bottles of lotions and other bathroom supplies neatly lined up on top of it. He walked towards it mindlessly, observing it. He noticed a little box, on top of it labeled 'Memories'.

Memories? Curious— and completely unmindful of the fact that he shouldn't be snooping around other peoples' belongings— he picked the lid off of the box. He expected to find pictures or letters but instead, he was staring back at a box full of buttons.

He noticed on top of all those buttons was the daisy button she bought with him all those weeks ago. Why does she have so many buttons?

"Ru?" Jeno called out.

"Yeah?"

"Do you sew?"

Her muffled voice responded, "I wish I did, why?"

"Uh, nothing." He looked back at the box of buttons, slightly more confused than he was before. So she just collects them? What kind of person collects buttons?

Suddenly, he heard the bathroom door unlock. He closed the box silently, sliding it back to its place.

Ru stepped out, wearing a slightly large grey wooly sweater, layered with a baby pink overall dress. He glanced at her briefly; he didn't know how it was possible, but she actually looked tinier now than she did before in her pajamas.

"So—" Ru picked up a small sling bag hanging on her door— "unless I completely misread your text, I assume we're going to that psychic."

"We are," Jeno replied.

Ru turned around to face him; now that she actually took the time to observe him, she realized how out of place he looked in her room. For starters, his black shirt and black ripped jeans made him look like an intruder— although she had to admit he'd be one hell of a fit intruder. Being in her low-ceiling room also made him look freakishly tall.

The sight of him against the background of her bedroom took her off-guard, but she regained her thoughts enough to utter, "I thought you thought it was stupid."

"I still do," he stated, stuffing his phone into his pocket, "but I'm a little curious now."

She furrowed her eyebrows skeptically. "O-kay, let's go then."

With that, she led them out of her bedroom and down the stairs by the dining room. They walked out the front door, Ru locking the door behind her.

"Can I have the address?" Jeno asked as they walked down the street.

"Oh—" she pulled the paper out of her little bag before handing it to him.

He read the address on the paper for a brief moment before stuffing it into his pocket. "I don't know the exact address, but I know the area."

She nodded silently, and off they went, into more crowded streets and sidewalks. It was hard for them to talk with all the crowds and chaos of the people around them, so Ru followed him quietly like she always did.

For the first few minutes of their walk, Jeno walked slightly ahead of Ru; his long legs made it really easy for him to do so. Every once in a while, he would look beside him and slightly to the back to make sure she was still there. It flustered her, honestly, making her feel like the little toddler he described her to be.

"Could you walk any faster? I feel like I'm walking with the Flash or something," Ru called out, slightly out of breath.

Jeno turned to look at her, slowing down with a slightly amused expression. "Could you walk any slower? I feel like I'm walking with a toddler or something— oh wait, you are one, huh?"

Ru narrowed her eyes, crossing her arms in protest. Before she could say anything, Jeno started laughing— his mesmerizing, crescent eyes almost distracting her from her frustration.

"Okay, seriously, you look even more like a baby now," he tittered as he approached her.

"Come here—" he pulled her in front of him. She didn't even process what he was doing yet, and suddenly they were walking again.

"Just walk," he instructed her as he chuckled.

"Wait—" she tried to look back at him without tripping— "I don't even know where to go—"

He grabbed her shoulder on both sides, steering her to the right just in time for a crosswalk. She tried not to stumble as she took one step after the other. He let go of her shoulders, but hovered closely behind her.

She took a deep breath— there it goes again, her stupid heart.

For the rest of the journey, she found herself trying hard not to think about his hands gripping her firmly to guide her through the crowd, about their bodies colliding with every abrupt stop, with every difficult path they had to navigate themselves through.

She cursed herself for feeling this way, but the truth was, she felt safe. The bustling people, the disorder she found herself whirled into as they passed little markets and underground malls; she had no clue where they were going, but she felt confident that they'd get there— that he'd get them there.

Soon, they entered a new stretch of road. Ru's mouth was slightly agape as she tried to take in the new scene before her.

The streets were lined on both sides with traditional structures, the red paper lanterns decorating the sky in a zig-zag pattern. The scorching sun blessed the landscape with a surreal glow, emphasizing the bright colors before her. The sea of people bustled about like a swarm of scattered ants, and in that moment Ru could only blink.

They were finally in Chinatown.

________________________________________

chapter twelve.

Ru had never been to a chinatown before, but this was exactly what she imagined it to be.

Her nose was greeted with the rich scent of various street foods, an abundance of little stalls settled along the long stretch of road, some even in the middle of it. Ru hated the crowd— she always has— but the life and excitement around her was undeniable.

Every nook and corner of the place, there were people going about their day. A little boy running after his mom with a miniature traditional lion dance puppet, an old man in a battered old undershirt fanning the skewered meat on his open grill.

"Buy four, get one free! Buy four, get one free!" The man boomed, inviting nearby passers with his sonorous voice.

The new and invigorating atmosphere almost made her forget about why they were here in the first place. That was until Jeno leaned in from behind her and spoke up, "how are we gonna find the psychic?"

How were they supposed to find the store in the middle of all this? She started to fan herself, the heat of the place finally catching up to her. Maybe she shouldn't have worn such a wooly sweater.

She leaned back so that he could hear her. "I guess we'll just have to look around."

They pushed their way through the crowd, keeping their eyes peeled for some sort of psychic store. Ru didn't actually know what she was trying to spot. What would a psychic store even look like?

As her eyes scanned the vast area, she spotted an otherwise ordinary stand that displayed two words Ru didn't know she wanted, but definitely did now— Cold Smoothies. Suddenly, it felt like the heat around her increased two folds, her throat instantaneously dry.

"Jeno—" she tugged on his shirt, her excitement building— "let's get smoothies!"

"What?" He leaned down, their height difference apparent as he bent down to hear her better.

"Let's get those smoothies!" She spoke up, pointing at the stall; the poorly drawn cup was starting to look tempting.

It seemed the crowd was relentlessly loud, as Jeno gave her a confused look and again, asked, "what?"

She sighed in mild frustration. With her mind occupied with the smoothie, it didn't even register in her brain when she took his hand in her's, pulling him with all her weight across the mass of people.

This time, it was her hand tightly bound around his, her small fingers wrapped eagerly around the palm of his hand. He followed her helplessly, his arm tugged forward as he took large strides to keep up with her fast pace. She couldn't walk this fast before?

They finally reached the stall; she dropped his hand without a second thought, letting his hand fall down to his side. He stood quietly beside her as she scanned the small menu board taped to the front of the stall, trying his best not to think about the tingling feeling that lingered on the palm of his hand.

"Excuse me, sir, I'll have the peach smoothie, please—" she looked up at Jeno excitedly— "do you want anything?"

Jeno stepped forward and gave the man a polite smile. "I'll have the chocolate smoothie."

The man gave them a jovial smile before he started cutting up fruits and crushing blocks of ice. Jeno's eyes lingered on her. She stood patiently, waiting for the man, but he couldn't help notice her head slightly bobbing to the rhythm of the crowd, her eyes glued to every move the man made.

The man finally finished the smoothies, handing it to them as they paid for it. They were about to walk away when Ru suddenly stopped.

"Wait—" she turned around, taking the piece of paper with the address on it and presenting it to the vendor— "excuse me, but do you know where this place is?"

The man wiped his hands on his apron as he took a closer look at the paper.

"Ah, that one—" he nodded— "red window over there."

The two of them looked simultaneously at where the man pointed. Barely visible from across the street, Ru spotted a small store cramped just at the edge of an intersection. Though rather plain and unassuming, her eyes easily found the red-painted door frame and windows.

They thanked the man and made their way across the four-way street while sipping their drinks. Ru had gotten used to the rowdiness by now; she slipped in between people with ease, her eyes locked on the psychic store.

Finally, they were in front of the store. On top of the store was a large sign written in Mandarin, presumably the store's name. The paint on the walls were already cracked and fading, although she could tell they had recently tried to paint at least the doorframe and windows a bright red— it didn't really do much for the store.

For such a crowded environment, this store looked as dead as they come. People walked past it like it didn't exist; if Ru didn't know any better, she'd imagine there were some sort of force field around the store that pushed the people around it further from the store.

Jeno walked up to one window, taking a quick peek inside. "Pretty empty."

"Oh, wait, look—" Ru pointed.

There was a sign just by one window: a silhouette of a burger and a beverage, with a large, red slash over it.

"No drinks inside." Ru shook her half-finished peach smoothie at him.

Jeno took another peek in contemplation. "There's no one inside."

"The shopkeeper's gonna be there. I'll just finish my drink here." Ru plopped down on the curb in front of the shop.

He wanted to protest, but couldn't be bothered. He sat down next to her, shaking his head. "You're such a goody-two shoe."

She gave him a cheeky smile, her teeth clasped on the straw.

Together they sat, people watching as they slurped down the rest of their drink. Ru didn't think it'd be so hard to finish the entire cup, but she felt her stomach expand further and further as she swallowed the drink. Jeno was almost finished with his drink, taking small sips as his eyes jumped from person to person.

He didn't even notice her glancing at him; she traced the outline of his lips with her eyes, the natural yet subconscious pout evident on his face. He always did it when he was distracted— pout.

It was the softest little pout she had ever seen on anyone— so tempting, so intriguing. Her eyes wandered to his; the secrets it hid behind, she wanted to know. His eyelashes were thick and long, giving his eyes an alluring charm.

She wanted to know.

"Jeno," she called suddenly, her straw still wedged in between her teeth.

His head snapped in her direction. "Mhm?"

"Can I ask you something?"

He furrowed his eyebrows skeptically, taking the final sip of his drink. "Shoot."

"Last week, when you guys almost fought with Jinwook..."

His face dropped; his jaw clenched.

"Jaemin, he uh—" she fought to keep her eyes on him even though she wanted to look away— "kinda told me about all your history with him. And his brother."

"He kept talking about a favor, and uh..."

Jeno looked away, taking in a sharp breath. God, maybe she shouldn't have asked. Her eyes started blinking in nervousness.

"You don't have to answer it if you don't want to—"

"No, it's not a big deal." He faced her, his eyes emotionless. "Jinkyu knew all about how I came into the system— about my dad. When he heard that my dad was only going to be sentenced to ten years with a chance of parole, he offered his help, told me he could get him to stay for longer."

Jeno shook his head subtly. "I wanted nothing to do with my dad, so I agreed. I don't know how Jinkyu did it or what he did for it, but my dad somehow ended up being sentenced thirty years with no chance of parole."

Oh. She looked down at her almost-finished peach smoothie silently. She didn't quite know why she was surprised. When he first told her about his mother's murder, she immediately assumed that prison was where his dad would be. But it felt different, hearing it come out of his mouth. It was like a bitter reminder, almost.

She bit her lips, not sure how to react. "Sorry."

She looked up and to her surprise, the stoic expression was gone. He shrugged nonchalantly. "Don't be. If I could have him sentenced for the rest of his life, I would."

She shot him an apologetic look, partially relieved that he wasn't mad.

He cleared his throat as he stood up. "Come on, let's go in."

They threw their cups into a nearby bin before finally entering the little shop. The little bell above them rang as they pushed open the door, and they stepped into the shop.

When the door closed behind them, it was like the crowd was muted. The hectic chinatown atmosphere faded into the background as Ru found herself in a new little world.

The room was so much dimmer and cooler than the brutal sun outside, with velvet curtains hanging on all sides of the wall. Rows of shelves held numerous little trinkets, many of which were unfamiliar to the two of them. In the centre of the room was a round table that displayed colorful gems and flashy tarot cards.

Ru looked over at the cash register. Nobody was there. Behind it was a door, slightly ajar. The shopkeeper must be back there; Ru reckoned the person could stay in there all day and it wouldn't really matter.

Next to it was a rotating bookshelf, and as Ru discovered, the entirety of the shelf showcased only one book: 'The Game of Chance: a Memoir'.

It finally dawned on her that she didn't quite know why they were here. Jeno was across the room, picking up a gem keychain off of a basket.

"So—" she walked over to him casually— "what are you looking at?"

He chuckled, lifting up a gem to show her. "Apparently this gem speeds up the Binding process between you and your soulmate so you could be Bound faster."

The bright teardrop-shaped opal gem hung motionlessly from his hand. She giggled at his comment, looking down at the collection of gems in the basket.

There were all sorts of colors and variations, each of them with a little tag that explained what the gem could do.

Who came up with these?, she wondered as she picked up a random, yellow stone.

She almost gagged. It was an irregular shape— probably the strangest one she could find. It was a rough textured, cylinder-like shape, and attached at the bottom of it were two big blobs of crystals protruding from its sides.

She tried so hard not to let her jaw drop to the floor. Do they not know this is shaped exactly like a...?

At that point, Jeno looked over at the gem in her hand. Just like telepathy, they both made eye-contact, their lips pursed in shock. A second later, they both burst out laughing, his nose scrunched in bewilderment.

Jeno took the gem from her hand, uncontrollable laughter now escaping his lips. Still in disbelief— and slight amusement— he opened its tag and they both read:

like the compass points due north let this crystal set forth your journey towards the beauty of spiritual re-unity

She shook her head, a wide grin forming on her face. Seriously?

She still couldn't believe the shape of the gem; how could nobody have realized while making this?

She read the tag again and scoffed. "Like the compass that points due north? More like due south—"

Eyes wide, she stopped mid-sentence, feeling awfully out of place that she had said that out loud.

Jeno, on the other hand, looked at her; his eyebrows were raised in pleasant surprise. "What did you just say?"

She shook her hand and looked away, burying her head into her hands as she tried hard not to burst into laughter again.

Beside her, Jeno nudged her in protest. "Say that again, you dirty—"

"Greetings, my dear soul searchers! Are you looking for anything in particular?"

The two of them jumped at the sudden voice, immediately dropping the gems back in its basket.

Before them was a lanky middle-aged woman, dressed in a silky patterned dress that reached her ankles. She wrapped herself in a concerning amount of dark scarves, her long nails digging into the fabric as she stared at them through her thick-rimmed glasses.

Ru gave the lady— who must be the shopkeeper— a kind smile. "Oh, no, we're just looking around, thank you."

She looked away on purpose, hoping the lady would do the same. However, she could still see from the corner of her eye that the lady remained. Ru gave the lady another glance, and was surprised to see she was actually approaching them.

The lady had her beady eyes on Jeno. He seemed to have noticed this as well; he plastered an awkward smile, his eyes avoiding her gaze.

It was safe to say the lady was mesmerized by him. She walked towards him with subtle steps, her arms slightly outstretched like she wanted to reach him. As soon as she was in front of him, she stopped. Her hands cupped his face in amazement. Maybe it was her glasses, but her eyes looked wide in fascination.

"Beautiful boy—" she studies his face, oblivious to the fact that she was touching a random stranger's face— "strong bones, pure skin. Your nose brings you fortune, my boy, and your eyes— wisdom!"

Ru bit her lower lip; she didn't know it could be so difficult to try not to laugh. Jeno's cheeks looked soft and squishy under the woman's grip.

All of a sudden, she let go. Her gaze switched towards Ru now; her abnormally large eyes looked at her like it were its own creature. Just like that, Ru's smile faded. The lady displayed a crooked smile, eyeing her up and down.

"You're not so bad yourself, darling. I believe if I focus enough energy, I ought to discover your fortunes."

What's that supposed to mean?

Before she could say anything, however, the lady grabbed ahold of Ru's arm, wrapping it around both her hands as she hugged it and pulled her in the direction of the back room. The lady gave Jeno a brief glance, not stopping. "Now, boy, you must come with her."

Ru turned around and gave Jeno an alarmed look. He merely shrugged, following closely behind her without saying another word.

The lady dragged her past the cash register and through the staff door, her arm still wrapped around Ru like a child hugging their favorite teddy bear.

Ru didn't know what she expected, but it definitely wasn't this. Through the door was a small room, the walls covered in the same velvet-like material that hung outside like curtains, only this time they covered every corner of the wall.

The room was cramped, big enough for only a single round, wooden table and a few cushioned seats. There was a shiny crystal ball sitting in the middle of the table, a variety of gems and tarot cards along with several wood-scented candles lit around the room.

Of course it's a reading room, she thought, wondering why she hadn't expected this before.

The lady finally let go of Ru and rushed to her seat at the further side of the table.

"Come, sit, children—" she gestured at the seats opposite her, waving her hands in what felt like an attempt at mysticism.

The two of them gave each other a very brief, yet very telling look before they sat down awkwardly. In front of her on the table was a name placard, presumably one that belonged to her. Esmeralda, it read— definitely a stage name.

Esmeralda put both her hands on the table, the palms of her hands opened, facing up. The room was silent for a moment; Esmeralda looked at the two of them, her eyebrows raised. "Come on— your hands, please."

"Oh—" Ru took her hand and placed it on top of her hand reluctantly; Jeno did the same.

Instantly, Esmeralda gripped both hands tightly, swaying them slowly on to the spot as she closed her eyes. Her hands were rough; Ru could feel the calluses on her palm.

Ru was tempted to look at Jeno because she knew for a fact that he was trying his absolute best not to laugh. However, she looked straight ahead, terrified that if she looked his way, she would burst into uncontrollable laughter and ruin everything for this poor lady.

Esmeralda started to sway herself, humming incoherent little tunes. With her eyes still closed, she started to whisper, "I feel it... the energy. From the moment you walked in, I felt the energy. Yes... yes, it's true."

She opened her eyes. "Two soulmates, re-united."

This time, Ru looked at Jeno and he was already looking at her. He raised his eyebrows at her, and she instantly understood what he was thinking— she's delusional.

Jeno cleared his throat, trying to play along; the lady looked at him, her eyes wide and lips slightly parted.

"But ma'am, how is that possible? I don't have a soul mark."

Esmeralda's eyebrows went rigid; her eyes shrunk a little, and it actually almost looked normal now. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

Oh god, this is so embarrassing for her.

Ru was waiting for her to stutter, to take back her words, or even kick them out but instead, she closed her eyes again, the dazed expression back on her face.

What was she doing?

"Of course, no soul mark... How fitting! The energy still prevails. I feel it, I can feel the energy. The story demands to be told."

Esmeralda opened her eyes and this time, she faced Ru.

"You, darling... You had a twin in the womb—" she nodded in confirmation— "Yes... But you swallowed dear Seoyeon before she had the chance to see the light of day."

What?

Did this lady just conjure up a fake sister for Ru and give her a name?

Esmeralda's eyes glided over to Jeno, causing him to lean back in apprehension. "Stripped... She was stripped of her birthright: re-unity with her soulmate."

"But of course—" Esmeralda shook her head in conspiracy, her eyes darted back to Ru— "you still have a piece of Seoyeon within you, which is why I felt the connection between the two of you."

Ru's lips were slightly parted in confusion. She must be joking.

Slowly, the lady let go of their hands, a solemn look on her face as it seemed like she was trying to focus on something. There was a weird moment of tranquility, almost like time was frozen.

Esmeralda looked up at the two of them and in all seriousness, said, "I can still feel the lingering aura, the prevalent energy begging to be brought forth. But with both your energies bouncing off of each other so magnificently, I'm afraid it makes it hard for me to further read your auras."

Ru sighed in relief, feeling the tension on her shoulders loosen. She anticipated her to draw an end to whatever it is they were doing, but Esmeralda crossed her arms, a certain intensity in her eyes. Now Ru was beginning to feel like they were far from over.

Esmeralda placed her hands on top of Ru's hand, causing her to flinch. The lady looked at Jeno and began to speak in a low tone, "I would like to further read this young lady's energy. Would you care to step outside for a moment?"

Jeno lifted his eyebrows skeptically, glancing at Ru.

It seemed that Esmeralda sensed the hesitation, because she continued, "don't worry, dear— you'll have your turn."

Her eyes continued to linger on Jeno, giving him no choice but to leave the room. He stood up, giving Ru a brief sucks-to-be-you kind of smile before he finally left the room.

Silence hung over the room once more as it was now just the two of them. Esmeralda's grip on Ru's hand tightened as their eyes connected. As much as Ru was weirded out, she found it very hard to break eye contact.

"I sense it... The strong connection you have towards that boy. You feel yourself yearning for him, your soul reaching out for him like two halves wishing to be whole, your primal instincts overpowering you, like two lovers wishing to bond in each others' naked embrace—"

Okay, what the f—

"—your chemistry raw, synchronized, eager to explode into a firework of passion. Am I right?"

Ru was speechless. What?

She struggled to register whatever hyperbolic symbolism this psychic was trying to sell.

"Um..."

Esmeralda's eyes looked eerily child-like, waiting for her response.

Oh, screw it.

"...I guess?"

A wide grin spread across Esmeralda's face. Ru regretted her answer immediately, watching the excitement and validation light up instantly on her face.

"Now, listen carefully, young lady. You must ignore the energy, ignore the instinct. Because you are not the master of these desires. I sense it— the foreign energy within you, small but powerful. You must know that it doesn't belong to you, but your deceased twin."

Oh, for god's sake—

Esmeralda's face remained stoic, almost hilariously so. How could she say that with such sobriety?

"Now, close your eyes."

At this point, Ru was in no capacity to even question the lady, so she obliged.

Again, Esmeralda began to speak in a sultry tone. "Relax your mind. Let the darkness sink in, but focus on the light. Let the light grow, let it spread. Your soulmate is calling, let it guide you."

Esmeralda squeezed her hand; Ru's palm started to feel sweaty.

"Listen for his voice, and feel as you slowly lose your inhibitions. In the core of your soul, you see him."

Strangely, the calm yet commanding voice drifted Ru to a bit of a trance. She sat with her eyes closed, her shoulders beginning to loosen.

"Now, what do you see? Explore his features— the shape of his nose, the gloss of his eyes. Yearn for it, reach for it..."

As Esmeralda continued to speak, Ru felt the voice slowly drift away, shutting it out completely.

Within her mindless daze, her thoughts wandered into a whimsical daydream.

Curious, brown eyes. Crescent like the moon, the way they fluttered when he spoke. Lips, red like cherry, the way they glistened when he licked his lips. The crinkle on his nose when he smiled, cheeks flushed.

She could trace the lines of his jaw with ease, feel the hollow shape of his collarbones. The curves on his arms; his hands— soft, warm. The mesmerizing sound of his deep voice, calming and alluring all the same.

The scent of peppermint; a bitter reminder that he's there, but out of reach.

"Miss?"

Ru's eyes shot open, her senses coming back to her like a rush of blood in her ears. Her eyes fluttered nervously as she stared back at Esmeralda.

"Do you see him? Can you picture your soulmate, dear?"

Ru was at a loss for words. A sudden realization hit her, quick like the prick of a finger— but it lingered.

She withdrew her hand from the lady's, rubbing them together in discomfort.

"No—" Ru snapped, looking down.

Before Esmeralda could say anything, Ru stood up from her chair.

"I'll, uh—" she gestured at the door awkwardly— "go get my friend for his turn."

She turned around, quickly walking away from the table and out through the staff door. The bright sunlight greeted her with a warm welcome as she stepped out of the stuffy back room, her eyes immediately searching for Jeno.

"How was it?"

Ru jumped on the spot; she looked to her left to find him leaning against the wall right next to the door.

She sighed in relief. His expression was curious, although he had a hint of anticipation etched in his eyes.

"Just get in," she chuckled, shaking her head as she playfully nudged him towards the room.

With that, he disappeared into the room, closing the door behind him.

She sighed once again, strolling aimlessly around the shop. She tried hard not to dwell on her imagination, but she couldn't ignore the thumping of her heart.

She knew he wasn't her soulmate— that was the whole point of all this, wasn't it? To help her figure out why her soulmate wasn't here with her yet, to figure out who it was.

She rounded back to the basket with the gems, absent-mindedly picking them up as she bit her lips.

She had been so preoccupied trying to find her soulmate, but she never once thought to wonder what he would look like, what he would be. It was only when Esmeralda urged her to picture him, that she did.

Well, she didn't, though— she pictured Jeno.

Her mind trailed back to her image of him, back in the reading room. As soon as she did, however, the image shattered into a million pieces as it hit her— he doesn't belong to her.

Someday, her real soulmate would finally find her, and that person won't have his smile, his shy chuckles, his mysterious presence.

It won't be him.

Her jaw clenched in bitter frustration. She knew this— this wasn't a newfound revelation, so why does it feel like this?

Why does it feel like she's actually lost a soulmate? What did she expect, really? For it to be him waiting on the other end? Maybe she has lost her mind—

"Why are you holding the dong?"

She snapped out of her internal dilemma, whipping her head to the left. Jeno stood there, looking at her with a puzzled— yet slightly amused— look on his face.

Only then did she realize she had been twirling the suggestive piece of gem around her hands, too deep in her thought to have realized.

Without missing a beat, she looked at him, gem still in hand.

"Oh, don't be so crass—" she narrowed her eyes at him, waving the gem in front of him— "and his name is Mr. Shlong."

It must've taken him by surprise; he let out a breathy laugh, his shoulders shaking as he scrunched his nose— "god, that was so bad."

Ru giggled in response, partially glad that she made him laugh. "Hey! You laughed—"

"Well, that was a transformative session, wasn't it?"

Their laughing ceased gradually, and Ru quickly dropped the gem back in the basket as they turned to see Esmeralda walking out of her reading room. She approached them with a certain sway. In her hands were two brightly-animated tarot cards.

She handed one tarot card to Jeno— "for spiritual empowerment."

She looked at Ru, handing the remaining card. "This will help you expand that light within you."

Though she felt awkward, she had to admit that it was a nice gesture.

"Thank you," Ru gave her a sincere smile.

"Of course! They're free for first-timers," Esmeralda chuckled.

"Oh!" Esmeralda held up a finger, gesturing for them to wait as she shuffled across the room. She took a book from the shelf by the cash register before she came back to them.

She handed Ru the book she had seen earlier. "Here you go, darling. For you guys, it's free!"

Ru laughed nervously, taking the book almost hesitantly. With that, they both thanked her and walked quietly out of the store and back out into the busy commotion that Ru had almost forgotten about. They took a path around the side, avoiding the crowd.

As they walked, Ru flipped the book to read the blurb on the back. She noticed that on the book was a price sticker, crossed about three times to display a new discounted price.

She couldn't help but snort. Esmeralda was something else.

"What did the lady talk to you about?" Jeno asked.

Ru looked straight ahead; frankly, she felt a little too sheepish to look at him. "Nothing that crazy. She, um, just asked me to visualize my soulmate or something, let the image form in my head."

She looked at him. "What about you?"

"That woman's convinced your twin is my soulmate. She kept talking about it, for a second I was convinced you had one— you don't, right?"

Ru let out a hearty chuckle, shaking her head. "No!"

He laughed in return, the wrinkle on his nose apparent under the bright sun.

"She messed up that first time, assuming we were soulmates. After that, it's just her trying to convince us she's legit. She kept insisting we were connected."

Ru laughed, but this time, she felt a little weight on her chest. She watched the way his lips move so subtly when he talked, and she felt a knot form in her stomach.

"I don't know—" Ru shrugged dismissively, looking down— "maybe she has a point."

Jeno looked down at her, his eyebrows furrowed in total bewilderment. "You're joking."

She looked up and laughed at his shocked expression. "No, seriously! I mean, obviously she's crazy— nice, but crazy."

There was a slight pause when she looked into his curious eyes.

"I know we're not soulmates—" she didn't think it'd be so hard to say that sentence out loud; she took a deep breath, trying her best not to let it show.

"But maybe us meeting wasn't really a coincidence. Maybe the reason my soulmate's missing has something to do with why you don't have one."

Jeno's face became stoic, his little pout showing as he pondered the thought. "Maybe."

He looked straight ahead, but her eyes remained on him.

It was true that her soulmate was out there, waiting for her to find him. She knew this.

But god, she wanted so badly for it to be him.

________________________________________

chapter thirteen.

Ever since that visit to the psychic store, Ru couldn't stop thinking about her soulmate— or more specifically, how Jeno wasn't.

She tried not to, distracting herself with school and hanging out with Jia and Chohee. Mostly, she had been avoiding it— and him, for that matter.

Although, she didn't really have to put much effort into the latter; she hasn't had the chance to talk to him ever since that day.

They always seemed to miss each other; whenever she was having lunch, he was either in the court playing basketball or downstairs by the mini mart. She had been busy with extra projects, so she would stay back after school and he'd leave early on his own, for god-knows-what reason.

Today, she had more assignments that kept her in school for another hour and a half. Jaemin offered to wait for her, but she knew she couldn't have him wait that long so now she found herself walking home alone.

She was pleasantly surprised to see that the sun was still bright out; it felt like she had been cooped up in school for several hours.

She tapped on her phone absent-mindedly, her eyes darting back to the time every once in a while. It seemed she still had some time before the sun would set. It didn't really mean anything to her, however, so she marched on in the direction of the Choi's.

The city ambience, the traffic and the chatter had become a little bit like tradition to her. She was so used to it that it blended into the back of her mind. The road back home had also become another natural routine. Past the little shops, busy markets and quiet houses until finally— home.

It had been a long day, that's true, but a part of her didn't want to go home yet. Her heart was tugging at her, and her feet itched to move.

In the peaceful silence, her eyes wandered to her bedroom window on the side. The roof below it sat in a fixed position, the orange tiles faded with time.

In her mind, she pictured it: him, crouched outside her window, the hood above his head. The knocks on her window, she could hear clearly. Another adventure awaits, just beyond the window.

A hopeless sigh escaped her lips; she shook her head and looked away. She couldn't fathom why, but her legs kept walking. Back up the street she just came from, through the corner and past the convenience store.

Her eyes glazed lazily over the bright, green and purple neon sign above the convenience store. Where was she even going? She didn't have a plan. All she knew was that she didn't want to be alone.

Actually, no, scratch that— she wanted to be alone, but she just didn't want to be alone with her thoughts.

She pulled out her phone from the pocket of her bag, instinctively looking through her contact list. It wasn't a long list, so she found herself scrolling up and down numerous times in a daze. She finally decided on texting Jia, just to see what's up. She wrote:

Ru: Hey, are you busy?

Did that sound weird? Why was she even texting Jia, it's not like she had anything to say to her—

Ding!

Jia replied:

Jia<33 : Nopeee

Jia<33 : What's up?

Uh... She stared at her phone, unsure how to reply.

How does she explain that she potentially likes someone but couldn't be with them because she is already tethered to her soulmate, but that soulmate is someone else. Oh, and that soulmate is also nowhere to be found.

She rolled her eyes. This is ridiculous— forget about it. She texted Jia back on a whim:

Ru: Do you wanna hang out?

She waited for a few seconds, and got an immediate text back from Jia, agreeing to hang out. She sighed in relief; maybe Jia could help her get out of her mind. A few moments after, Jia sent a location— a cafe— where they should meet up. At the end of the text, Jia signed it with:

Jia<33 : See you soon, cutie ;)

Ru smiled at the text. She stuffed her phone into her pocket, suddenly feeling very much excited about the mini date.

Walking felt a little more relaxing; the skies were a subtle orange now, the sounds of distant traffic somehow soothing. She walked and walked, blended in with the city ambience. Before she knew it, she found herself standing in front of the cafe.

She entered the cafe to find that Jia hadn't arrived yet, so she picked a corner that was vacant and sat down. She didn't have to wait for long before Jia came walking through the cafe doors. Ru waved her hand in the air so that Jia could notice her.

Her hand caught Jia's attention; she flashed a cheeky smile and skipped in her direction.

"Hey there," Jia greeted in a sweet tone.

Ru smiled in return, patting the seat next to her. "Come sit."

Jia sat next to her on the sofa, her luscious hair tucked neatly behind her ear.

"Should we order?" Ru asked.

"Let's just wait for the others."

The others? "Is Chohee coming?"

"Oh, no she couldn't come; she has some sort of family gathering—" Jia tilted her head— "aren't the boys coming?"

"Oh—" Ru raised her eyebrows, feeling slightly sheepish. She thought that this was going to be just the two of them; she didn't know Jia thought differently.

"I didn't invite the boys, actually."

"Ah—" Jia's shoulder slumped ever so slightly, but it was gone as soon as it came— "no worries, then, we can just order now."

Ru felt slightly awkward all of a sudden, but she tried to shake it off. Together, they stood up and walked towards the line at the counter.

"Hey, actually—" Jia gave Ru an apologetic look—"I can't stay for long, my dad's gonna need me soon. Is it okay if we take this to go?"

Ru nodded immediately, giving Jia a reassuring smile— "of course, yeah. I don't actually want anything, so you just go ahead and order."

Jia gave her a bright smile as they finally made it to the front of the line. Ru stood by Jia as she ordered a complicated drink she couldn't be bothered to try and understand, specifying that it was a take away.

After Jia paid, they walked back to their seats, plopping down on the sofa next to each other.

"So," Jia began, her head slightly leaning to the side, "why'd you wanna hang out?"

"Oh, nothing, really— it's fun hanging out with you guys."

Jia gave her a cheeky smirk, in which Ru returned with a slightly giggly smile. It was true, though. Hanging out with Jia and Chohee had been the highlight of her days, besides being with the boys, of course. They spent a lot of their after-school time hanging out at cafes, visiting karaoke rooms just for the sake of it.

"Hey, I actually have something to tell you—" Jia shifted in her seat, facing Ru.

Ru raised her eyebrows, her lips curving in anticipation.

"Alright, so please don't laugh, cause I know this is stupid—" Jia fiddled with her fingers, looking down with a silly grin on her face.

What was she going to say? Ru didn't realize but she inched closer towards Jia, excited to hear more.

"I, uh—" Jia looked up, the light shining perfectly on her bright eyes—" actually like someone."

What? The Jia finally likes someone? Ru burst into an excited giggle, letting out a little squeal. She didn't quite know where that came from; she was hoping Jia would be too occupied with her situation to bother making fun of her weird squeal.

"I know, it's stupid—" Jia shook her head, looking down again.

Ru interjected. "What— no, it's not, tell me about it!"

Jia looked up and smiled, before her lips curved into an 'o' shape in new excitement. "Also, I know Chohee's gonna kill me for telling you, but she's got her eye on someone too."

What? Chohee, too?

"You guys!" Ru teased, lightly nudging Jia. "Now you're making me feel left out!"

They both laughed, Ru's curiosity for these boys growing even bigger. "So, who is it?"

"Oh, but please don't laugh," Jia pouted dramatically.

"Why would I laugh? I get to know who finally caught your attention."

"Alright..." Jia took a deep breath.

"It's Jeno."

The stupid grin was wiped off of Ru's face. She felt her shoulders tense and for some reason, her neck started to feel hot. Her heart felt heavy; all she could think to do was stare blankly as her heart started to thump at an irrational speed.

"Oh, it's stupid, isn't it?" Jia looked concerned, her eyes looking slightly sad.

Ru managed to shake herself out of her little stupor. "What— no! Of course not, why would it be? He's a really cool guy—"

God, why was she still talking?

"—and honestly, you guys would look good together!"

Oh, just shut up!

"Really?" Jia's slight pout was now turned into a relief smile. "Aw, Ru, you're such a cutie. Also, seriously, Chohee's gonna freak out that I'm telling you this, but she likes Donghyuck."

...Seriously?

"At first I was a bit worried that she liked Jeno, too, but then she told me yesterday that it's Donghyuck she likes."

Ru was speechless. "Wow..."

"I know! Actually the reason why I'm telling you is also because I kinda need your help."

Ru felt her heart deflate a little.

"My help?"

"Yeah, could you help us out and set something like a double date for the two of us?" She made puppy eyes as her lips curved into a childish pout— "I know you guys are super close to each other."

Oh god, no.

Ru chuckled nervously. "What? We're not that close— and besides, you guys are friends too, why don't you ask them? I'm sure they would like that."

She hoped to God he wouldn't.

"I knooow," Jia groaned, "but I'm still super shy around them and I don't want to come off too strong in front of them, you know? Maybe you could pretend to invite them to a hangout and then let the four of us have a double date, how does that sound?"

Ru spaced out. Before she even realized, she was replying, "yeah, of course!"

A bright grin spread across Jia's face. "Yay! Thank you so much, Ru, you're just the best, really!"

Ru smiled, but that was only to cover whatever she was feeling underneath. What in the world did she just agree to? She didn't quite know what to feel, but all she knew was that she didn't really want to be in this cafe anymore.

She jolted up from her seat, not quite sure how to play things out from here. "I, um— I kinda have to go, actually. I'll talk to you soon!"

Jia seemed a bit taken aback, but it didn't last long; she nodded her head with a satisfied grin on her face.

Ru didn't waste another second; she nodded awkwardly, turning around and taking quick steps out of the cafe. The streets weren't as busy as they were before she entered the cafe, but she still felt claustrophobic, like the people around her were closing in on her.

Well, it's safe to say that she has it down bad for him. She groaned in frustration. What was she even doing? She tried her best to ignore the heat in her chest— it truly felt like it was on fire.

She bit her lip subconsciously, marching through the peaceful passersby with her thoughts running like bullet trains through her head.

But seriously, of all people, did it have to be him? She could picture it already: the two of them, hunched under a tree with the beautiful view of the city landscape somewhere, his jacket draped over her because it's raining and they didn't bring an umbrella.

Alright, maybe that was a little too dramatic— she's only asking for a double date. But regardless, Ru felt a knot in her chest she wanted so badly to untangle, but didn't know how to.

She hated the thought of them together; she wanted to be mad at Jia, but how could she? She's feeling the same thing Ru was feeling.

Why? was all she could muster up in her head as she walked past a crosswalk towards her neighborhood. She was still trying to come to terms with the fact that he wasn't her soulmate, that she shouldn't even have feelings for him— she didn't think she'd have to see him with someone else.

She slowed down, finally coming down to a halt just at the entrance of her neighborhood.

Shut up, Ru, she scolded herself.

Stop thinking. Stop thinking about him, stop thinking about your soulmate, just stop.

Maybe it was her desperation to forget about it, maybe it was her anger, but in a split second decision, she broke into a sprint. She dashed down the street past the trusty convenience store, letting the house blur down on her peripherals as she rushed to her house.

She didn't stop there; she burst into the house (although she had a moment of panic, hoping none of the Chois caught that) and ran up the stairs into her bedroom.

She shut the door behind her, plopping onto the floor dramatically. Her lungs were on fire now, her legs wobbly. Maybe this was a sign that she needed to exercise more.

She groaned, ignoring the thought.

No, this was a sign that she just wanted some sleep.

Hopelessly drained, she curled into a fetal position on the floor by her bed. The hard, wooden floor cooled her down and she let each deep breath lull her into an uncomfortable, yet much needed nap.

⭒⭒⭒

The first thing she felt was the deep pumping of her heart against the hardwood floor. The only thing she could hear was her husky breathing, her body sprawled across the floor in an awkward position.

Feeling slightly disoriented, she sat up from the ground, rubbing her eyes in circular motions. Her room was dark now; all the lights were off, the skies outside were glum. However, she noticed that her door was now slightly ajar, the dim yellow light seeping in a thin, straight line.

As soon as her heart quieted down, she finally noticed another soft, subtle noise repeating itself— sniffles.

She looked across her room and her heart almost jumped out of her chest.

By the door to spot a boy huddled in the corner, his knees clutched closely to his chest. It took her a second, but she finally recognized him as Dabin. A feeling of relief washed over her for a second, but it was soon replaced with concern.

Still on the floor, she crawled her way to him in the dark.

"Hey," she whispered, placing her hand gently on his shivering shoulder, "are you okay, Dabin?"

He didn't answer; he continued to sniffle, his head buried into his arms.

"Dabin?" she whispered again, tilting her head downwards in an attempt to glimpse his face.

At that moment, Dabin looked up and quickly wrapped his arms around Ru's neck, sobbing into her shoulders. It took her by surprise; she was almost knocked backwards from his sudden hug.

"Woah, Dabin—" she gasped, hugging him back in alarm— "what's wrong?"

The longer he cried, the harder his body shook. Ru could tell he was trying his best to hold it in, but it must've been really hard for him because he continued to cry into her shoulder.

"Mom—" Dabin hiccuped, trying his best to control his breathing— "mom is sick, I think she's very sick."

Ru's breathing became shallow and she sat there in silence, waiting for more words to come out of his mouth.

"She has a tumor."

She felt her whole body ice up, the feeling of instantaneous cold enveloping her as she sat on the ground, a crying boy in her arms.

She held her breath in shock. Mrs. Choi: such a warm person, with such a unique smile, full of life and full of questions. She didn't dare think it, but what would life be like without Mrs. Choi?

She felt a wave of guilt surge through her; all those times Mrs. Choi had been so nice to her, constantly asking questions, all her efforts to be part of Ru's life. Ru was always irritated by it, feeling as though she was just a charity case, but what would she be now without it?

In her silence, Dabin's crying grew louder. She forced herself not to dwell on the guilt— she needed to comfort him.

"Hey—" she pulled herself away from him, just enough that she could see his face— "don't you worry about it, okay? Your mom will be just fine, because she's strong."

He looked at her, the innocence barely holding on in the tears threatening to fall down. There was a slight pause, then he whispered, "but what if—"

"—No," Ru interrupted, her voice cracking slightly, "no buts, no what ifs. Just focus on how strong your mom is, okay? You have to believe in her, because that gives her strength."

The pout on Dabin's face was short of devastating. He sniffed once more, and then nodded silently.

Ru plastered a reassuring smile. "Are you hungry? Do you want to eat?"

This time, he nodded much more quickly.

She smiled as she got up. "I'll go make something for you, alright? You can stay here if you want."

He nodded, still sitting cross-legged on the floor as he wiped away his tears with the long sleeves of his sweater.

She took quick steps down the stairs and towards the kitchen. She opened one cabinet after the other, re-checking the fridge about three times before she realized she didn't really know how to cook anything.

Damn it, she muttered to herself as she continued to search through shelves.

She finally landed on a big pack of instant ramens. She paused for a moment, then shrugged.

This'll do.

She opened two packets and dropped it into a pot, letting the water boil. It didn't take long for the noodles to finish cooking; she poured them into two separate bowls and placed them on a tray.

Hm. She quickly circled back to the snack cabinet, taking a few packets of marshmallow-filled chocolate pies and a packet of seaweed. She placed them neatly on the tray, looking at it with somewhat of a satisfied look on her face.

She was just about to head out of the kitchen when she started hearing a soft cry.

Was Dabin crying again?

Her eyebrows furrowed.

The sound seemed like it was coming from the hallway, though.

She peeked into the hallway right by the kitchen, where the bathroom, living room and parent's bedroom would be. As she tiptoed into the hallway, the crying got louder. She creeped slowly towards the noise until she found herself a few steps away from the slightly opened parents' bedroom.

There she was: Mrs. Choi, sitting at the end of her bed, her head buried in her hands and shoulders shaking. Beside her was Mr. Choi, solemn as he placed his hand on her back, rubbing circles.

Ru wanted to cry. Why did this have to happen to someone as kind as Mrs. Choi? Not that she wanted it to happen to anyone else, but of all people—

"Ru? What's taking so long?"

She flinched, turning to find Dabin standing at the end of the hall. He walked towards her lazily, trying to get a peek at what she made.

She gave Mrs. Choi one brief look before turning to Dabin.

"Here you go—" she passed him the tray gently— "why don't you go in there and share this with your parents? They must be hungry, too."

He nodded, taking the tray and slowly walking into the room. She watched as Mrs. Choi quickly wiped away her tears, forcing a smile for her son. Upon seeing the tray in his hands, it seemed both Mr. and Mrs. Choi were momentarily distracted; Dabin sat down next to his mother as Mr. Choi ruffled his son's head playfully.

She didn't even realize when Mr. Choi looked up in her direction; she suddenly felt like she was imposing on a family moment.

As she was about to turn away, Mr. Choi gave her a quick, grateful smile.

She returned the smile, feeling a tear build up in her eyes.

________________________________________

chapter fourteen.

"Are you okay?"

"Huh?" Ru looked up to Donghyuck staring at her.

"Are you okay?" He chuckled, "you've been quiet all day."

She shook her head dismissively— "yeah, no, I'm fine."

Ru wasn't exactly fine, but what else could she have said? She tried to focus on the board, but it must've looked like she was just staring at it; Donghyuck leaned closer to her, whispering so the teacher wouldn't catch them.

"Are you sure? Jaemin bought you that strawberry jelly drink you like so much and you didn't even drink it."

She tore her gaze from the teacher, giving him a funny look. Was it that obvious?

She chuckled, "yesterday was just a weird day, is all."

"Well—" he shrugged— "today's not yesterday anymore, you know? So if it's still bothering you, it must be more than just a weird day."

Her eyes were stagnant on him, her mind slowly wandering away.

"You can talk to me about it, if you want."

His little smile pulled her back, and she couldn't help but smile back.

She was upset about Jia's sudden confession. But after what she found out at home, she felt guilty feeling bad about something as silly as that.

She looked down at her textbook, fiddling with its pages.

"My foster mom—" she uttered softly, glancing at him— "we found out yesterday that she has a tumor."

Donghyuck's eyes widened.

"Jeez, Ru—" he sat back on his chair, rubbing the back of his head— "that's more than just a weird day, that's terrible."

"Yeah," Ru sighed. "Now I kinda wish I drank that jelly."

Donghyuck chuckled silently, leaning closer to her again. He glanced briefly at the teacher to make sure she wasn't looking their way, before he whispered, "let's just ditch school after this."

She furrowed her eyebrows. "What?"

"Yeah, I'll buy you the jelly downstairs and we can all just walk around."

She looked at him incredulously. "ditch school? We still have half the day to go!"

"You're not gonna die from missing out one day of school," Donghyuck pointed out like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Besides, you need it."

She bit her lips and stared at the board... She had never ditched school before.

She watched as the teacher continued to write on the board, the endless words spilling on the board like scattered, illegible letters.

It's not like she could focus if she stayed.

"Fine," she conceded, "but we're not making this a habit, okay?"

Donghyuck flashed her a cheeky grin, giving her a small salute. "You got it, ma'am."

She rolled her eyes playfully; a little smile lingered on her face.

⭒⭒⭒

The hallways were always packed with students during recess time. Ru stayed close to Donghyuck as they walked down the stairs, jostled in between other students also rushing to get to the courtyard.

Donghyuck stuffed his phone into his back pocket just as they reached the bottom of the stairs.

"I just texted Jaemin and Renjun to meet us by the mini mart. Meanwhile, we'll get you that jelly you really want—" he squished her cheeks.

She swatted his hand away, nudging him playfully on the ribs. However, she stopped midway. "Wait, what about Jeno?"

"Oh—" Donghyuck shrugged— "he's not in school today."

Oh? "Why isn't he in school?"

"I don't know, he was kinda sick last night. It's those headaches again. You have no idea how cranky he was this morning, I just told him to skip school," Donghyuck explained, "he's scary when he's cranky."

Oh. She forgot about the headaches he used to get. Well, technically he still gets them.

She felt a sudden, hollow feeling in her stomach. She couldn't believe she was bummed that he didn't tell her, which was stupid in itself. Why should he have told her?

Even worse, she was upset that she didn't know. She couldn't have known, but she wanted to. She couldn't believe she was thinking it, but she wanted that aching pain on her chest, even if it meant she knew.

She took a deep breath, letting reality sink. Even if she did feel anything at all, it wouldn't be because of him. It would be because of her soulmate.

"Hey, we could buy Jeno some snacks, see if he feels better," Donghyuck suggested, pulling Ru out of her own thoughts.

Ru smiled. "Yeah."

They stopped by the mini mart just by the courtyard and like Donghyuck promised, he bought her a jelly drink, along with other snacks they thought the others might want. As he laid out the snacks on the counter, Ru waited behind him, tapping incessantly on her phone.

Maybe Jeno felt better already, so there's no need to check up on him... But what if he's still sick in bed? It would be nice to receive a message when you're not feeling well.

Ru contemplated, her thumbs hovering over her phone's keyboard.

"Hey—" Ru looked up from Donghyuck's voice— "can you text Jeno, ask him if he's feeling better?"

"Oh, u-um—" she stuttered, but he was still too busy with the snacks to notice— "okay."

She typed out a quick sentence, sending it before she thought too much of it.

Ru: Hey, I heard you're not feeling well. Are you okay?

The message delivered.

No answer.

She scoffed internally; it's literally been a few seconds, of course he hasn't answered. She dropped her phone into her backpack just as Donghyuck finished paying for the food. The two of them walked out, a jelly drink in Ru's hand and a small lollipop in Donghyuck's.

Students were scattered across the courtyard, some girls sitting at a corner watching boys play basketball. Ru remembered when her school was just an all-girls school; the courtyard was always much more quiet then.

"So," Ru asked in between sips, "how are we going to sneak out?"

"There's this hole on a wall behind the school, and it's covered with a bunch of these metal sheets. I don't know if the teachers even know they exist, but nobody watches the place."

She raised her eyebrows, impressed. She's been here for four years now, but has never heard of this hole. They've only been relocated to this school for a few months and they've already found it?

"How did you even find it? I've been here so much longer than you and I didn't even know you could sneak through the back of the building."

Donghyuck laughed. "Yeah, that's because you're not looking. A quick getaway's the first thing we always look for in new places."

Why, of course. It was easy to forget how delinquent they were.

Her eyes wandered mindlessly as she sipped the last bit off her jelly drink. She waited for the familiar faces of Jaemin and Renjun, but as she looked into the courtyard, she spotted another set of familiar faces: Jia and Chohee.

Her eyes widened, the memory of yesterday flashing in her mind. They were talking casually amongst themselves as they walked slowly— but surely— in her direction.

"Hey—" she started pulling at Donghyuck's sleeve— "let's just go to the back first, they'll catch up with us."

"What?" Donghyuck looked at her, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Yeah—" she nodded, trying not to sound too rushed— "if the four of us went to the back together, it'd look too suspicious."

He pouted for a moment, but with her subtle nudging, he shrugged. "I mean, we do it all the time but I guess you have a point."

She nodded again, barely hearing what he said as she pushed him towards the building and away from Jia and Chohee. She didn't even realize, but soon she was dragging him. It didn't take them long, but the sound of the crowd began to fade away and they were finally at a deserted section of the school.

She sighed, finally coming to a halt. Yes, she felt bad avoiding them like that, but she really didn't have the energy to think about the favor she promised them. She really hoped they'd just forget about it, however unlikely it may be.

She finally took in her surroundings: a few broken tables and chairs were piled on a corner by the building wall. The walls enclosing the school were tall and undisturbed, and just like Donghyuck told her, a tattered metal sheet leaned against one section of the wall.

"I guess it isn't that hard to sneak out, huh?"

"It's a piece of cake, really," Donghyuck shrugged as he pulled his phone out of his pocket— "anyway, I'll text them to meet us at the court, it's better than waiting for them here."

"The court?" Ru asked, her head tilted slightly.

"Yeah, we always just chill there when we sneak out."

Ru couldn't really imagine 'chilling' at a basketball court, but at this point she just wanted to be anywhere but school.

"Alright—" Donghyuck put his phone back in his pocket, walking right up to the metal sheets he described earlier. He lifted the sheets slightly to reveal a big hole in the middle of the wall.

"Ladies first."

It was hard to see what was on the other side, but all she could see were overgrown grass. She crouched under Donghyuck's arm that was holding the metal open for her and slowly, she crawled out through the hole.

Her feet planted firmly on the ground below her and she felt the tall grass tickle her feet. Behind the school seemed to be an empty plot of land, covered with an ocean of unkempt plants and weeds. Not far off where the plot of land ends, an empty road stretches out towards the corner and out of view.

She could hear the slight shuffling behind her; Donghyuck finally crawled out of the hole. They walked carefully through the tall grass until they finally reached the side of the road.

It was mostly silent as they walked, until Donghyuck broke the silence.

"So... How are you feeling?"

"Um..." She kicked the tiny rocks beneath her feet. "I don't know, really."

"Are you close with them? You know—" he looked at her and bobbed his head lightly— "your host family."

She bit her lip in contemplation. "Honestly, I've only ever seen them as people I share a house with. But after yesterday, it's like... I know them, you know? And they know me. That must be worth something, right?"

She looked over at Donghyuck, who nodded back in consolidation.

She swallowed the lump on her throat. "I want her to be okay."

He put one arm around her, pulling her close to him as he rubbed her shoulder. "She'll be okay, you just have to believe it."

She hugged him back. It wasn't much of a reassurance, but it was nice to have a hug.

She pulled away gently from his embrace, nudging him playfully. "Look at you, being such a sweet boy and all."

"Shut up—" he rolled his eyes, a cheeky grin evident on his face; Ru could swear she glimpsed a slight rosy tint color his cheeks.

Before they knew it, they finally rounded a corner and were greeted by the sight of a big basketball court. Unlike the other basketball court Ru's been to before, this court had no barrier net. The court was bright and empty; it was certainly much cleaner, too.

There was a thick collection of trees right next to one side of the court, with little benches placed nicely on either side of the area. They walked towards the bench closer to the trees to get a good, shady spot to chill.

"Alright—" Donghyuck plopped himself on the bench— "which snack shall we eat first?"

He dumped the snacks on the spot beside him as Ru found herself a comfortable spot on the ground, taking off her bag next to her. They didn't waste another second before diving into their snacks, too eager to even wait for the others to arrive.

Unnoticed by Ru, the odd beating on her chest steadily subsided; the warm breeze and delicious snacks brought her out of her own head. She looked over at Donghyuck— it seemed like he was enjoying himself just fine.

"Hey, so—" Donghyuck crunched on a big bite of chips— "you and Jeno have been spending a lot of time together, huh?"

Her heart skipped a beat.

"Well, yeah—" she cleared her throat— "I guess."

"You know, if I didn't know better, I'd think you two were, like, soulmates."

There it was again! Her heart...

She tried to mask her nerves by chucking a snack at him.

"Hey—" Donghyuck blocked it from hitting his face, chuckling.

Ru looked down. "It would be easier if he were, though."

There was a brief pause, but Donghyuck continued, "trust me, though, once your soulmate shows up I can guarantee you'll forget you ever thought Jeno was your soulmate."

She sighed. Hopefully, that was the case. At this moment, she couldn't even fathom it.

Her thoughts started to slip through the cracks of doubt, so much so that she didn't even notice Donghyuck pick up a large rock littered on the ground next to the bench.

"Ru, get up." Donghyuck instructed her suddenly, his tone so much deeper.

"What—" she looked up and finally saw his face.

His eyes were steely and alert, one hand behind his back and the other balled into a fist. She stood up immediately, heat spreading through her body in alarm. She barely had time to look at what's causing his apprehension before Donghyuck pulled her behind him.

Then she finally spotted them— six guys walking towards them at an alarmingly fast pace. They were all wearing uniforms— presumably from another school— but the way they were wearing them, you'd need a double take: collars up like thugs, sleeves rolled in a pompous manner, ties hanging loosely around their necks.

There was a tense silence when they finally approached them. The one in the center stood a little higher than the rest of the boys; he was tall, his messy hair greasy under the sun. He had this permanent scowl on his face like he just smelled shit nearby.

"Well, this is a rare sight." The one in the center spoke with smug lips. "Where're your buddies at?"

Donghyuck stared straight at him. "They're coming."

The boy smirked a little too confident for Ru's liking. His finally flickered in her direction, and the smirk grew into a malicious grin. "And who's this chick?"

His question was met with silence.

"Come on, Donghyuck, introduce her, why don't you?" The boy stepped forward slowly.

Donghyuck's hand reached for her, pulling her closer behind him. She didn't know what to do; her eyes peaked tensely from over his shoulder.

The boy started to chuckle; other kids behind started snickering along to him.

"Don't worry... I won't bite."

Donghyuck scoffed and this time, he took the step forward until they were face-to-face.

"Are you that desperate for another beating?" Donghyuck questioned, his eyes narrowed.

The boy kept his stance, his smirk ever so apparent on his face.

Donghyuck's voice turned into a low growl, a challenging look now plastered on his face. "We fucked you up once, we'll do it again."

"Don't start acting all smug now, your shit friends are nowhere to be seen! Actually..." the boy paused, raising his hand in conclusion. "Maybe now's a perfect time to teach you a lesson."

He took a quick step towards Donghyuck again, this time grabbing him by the collar.

Ru gasped as she was shoved slightly from the boy's force on Donghyuck. She grabbed onto the back of his uniform in apprehension.

What the hell do they do now?

That's when she finally noticed the rock on his hand. He held a tight grip on the rock, the rough surface of it dangerous to the touch. Something told her that she should take a step back and away from the rock.

"You think you're all high and mighty, maybe it's time someone made you think twice." The boy spoke, barely above a whisper.

"Well—" Donghyuck adjusted his shoulders— "I don't really have to be all high and mighty to do this."

"What?"

In a flash, Donghyuck swung his hidden hand as hard as he could, the jagged surface of the rock making brutal contact with the boy's face. He immediately stumbled backwards and down to the ground.

She couldn't even register the scene before her when Donghyuck took her hand, pulling her in the opposite direction and into the trees.

Before she knew it, she was running.

Her breaths were shallow as they sprinted, tree after tree. She could hear the harsh shuffling behind her; she didn't need to turn around to know that they were all hot on her trail.

"YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD!" She could hear a vague voice scream somewhere in the collection of trees.

It didn't take them long, but they were finally out of the trees. She no longer had any idea where they were. They were met with a tiny stretch of road, with a few shops lined up on one side.

They didn't take a second to catch their breaths as they ran down the street in a direction she didn't recognize. She followed him until they reached a main road. Looking back once, she saw that they were gaining in on them.

She could only barely glimpse the blood trickling on the thug's head before she was whisked into the crowd of the busy road.

Donghyuck's hand never let go of her's, pulling her through crowds and occasionally shoving people to get through. As fast as she felt like she was going, she could still hear the ruckus behind her; she knew they weren't going to back out anytime soon.

The longer they ran, the smaller the streets became. Gradually, the crowds started to thin out; he began to lead her through weird turns. After a dramatic few minutes, they found themselves in the midst of a few abandoned buildings.

"This way—" Donghyuck muttered.

He finally let go of her hand as they approached a run-down building; it looked like an old, abandoned apartment. They dashed up the stairs in the entrance, moving past one floor after the next.

When they finally ran out of stairs, he stopped moving, and she halted promptly behind him. Her breathing was ragged, her heart pumping right out of her chest.

Did they lose them?

It seemed like Donghyuck was trying to find out just that; his eyes stared into the space in concentration, trying to listen for noise.

It was silent. She listened for any unusual noises, but there was none.

Still afraid that they would get caught, she whispered, "are they gone?"

He looked at her, his eyes focused and alert. "I think so, but we have to wait—"

Clang!

Loud, clanging of metal caused her to flinch. Donghyuck didn't waste another second— he grabbed her hand again and led her down the dank hallway, past peeling wallpapers and rotting floorboards.

Along the hallways were about a dozen identical doors. He tried each one as they went, but they were all locked. She felt her stomach curl into a nauseating knot; at this rate, they'd be cornered and they'd beat him up real bad. Judging by their character, who's to say they wouldn't beat her up too? They looked like the type of boys who would beat up a girl—

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a clicking door. This one's unlocked!

They rushed inside, closing the door behind them. Even though they were completely hidden now, they instinctively crouched. Both of them were breathing hard, but were trying hard to minimize it.

"We can't stay here, they're gonna check every room and they'll find us unless we get out of here," he whispered.

"What do we do now?" Her voice came out raspy and dry, the panic obvious in her tone.

He didn't answer her. Instead, his eyes flicked towards the only window in the room. He stood up and looked out the window, before he finally turned to her.

"We'll go out through the window."

What?

"Are you crazy?" She hissed, trying her best to keep her voice down.

"Come on—" his hand reached out to her, gesturing for her to come— "there's a balcony on the building beside us, we'll jump."

"What? I can't jump buildings, Hyuck!" She whisper-screamed, her throat scratchy and dry now.

"Well, do you have a better idea?!" His eyes were wide in exasperation.

Before she could even respond, the sound of muffled footsteps shook the floor. They were getting closer.

She groaned. This can't be happening.

Donghyuck pulled the window upwards, sliding it open. "Just climb out of the window and jump to the balcony— it's lower so you should jump easily."

She was speechless. She peeked her head through the window to find another similar building right next to the one they were in. There was a balcony one floor lower, protruding out of the building.

Slowly, she slid her legs out of the window, securing them on the ledge before the rest of her body followed suit.

"Careful—" Donghyuck grabbed onto her arm as she wrapped her hands along the line of railing conveniently placed along the sides of the building.

She took timid steps, sliding her legs so that she could reach the edge of the building and closer to the balcony. Eventually, Donghyuck had to let go of her when she was too far out of reach.

"Alright, now jump, Ru!"

Oh, god.

Her eyes were blurred now. She knew it wasn't much of a jump, but in her panicked state, it felt like she was attempting a parkour stunt.

Thumping sounds grew louder, more violent. She looked over at Donghyuck to see that he wasn't looking at her anymore; he was looking inside in a frozen position. She wanted to ask him what was wrong but before she could even say anything, his body disappeared back into the building. The window shut quickly after.

Oh, hell no.

He wasn't going to leave her, was he?

She wanted to cry. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

Alright. She has no choice but to jump. She let out a subtle breath, focusing her energy on the jump.

One...

Her heart was beating out of her chest. Ignore it.

Two...

A vague thump could be heard somewhere inside the building. Ignore it.

Three!

She mustered all of her strength and let go, pushing herself off the side of the building and towards the opened balcony.

The air rushed past her until she finally fell on the hard floor of the balcony. The wind was knocked out of her lungs as her body crashed harshly against the tiles. It took her a moment, but she finally regained her strength and stood up, dusting the tiny debris off of her clothes. She tried to ignore the subtle aching on her back. That's definitely going to bruise.

Her eyes lingered on the closed window. Where was he?

Where does she go from here? She stood, hopelessly confused. She wanted to call his name, but she knew she couldn't.

A sudden movement in the corner of her eyes caused her to look down. Her heart did a little somersault as she spotted two boys step out of the building she was just from, scanning the area eagerly.

She immediately ducked down, peaking out ever-so-slightly. She didn't even realize she was holding her breath, her chest constricted as she watched them stomp back into the building.

Shit, what should she do? Donghyuck's in there— she couldn't just leave him like that.

She retreated into the balcony door and luckily, it wasn't locked. She tiptoed through the room, making as little noise as possible as she walked out of the room and into the hallway. The building had almost an identical structure to the previous one, so Ru found herself navigating the place easily.

She found the stairs and took quick steps towards the ground floor. What in the world does she do now?

Walk out of the door and she would risk getting caught by them. Stay in the building and Donghyuck has a very good chance of getting caught by them. Fuck! She wasn't good at this at all.

She creeped towards the main door leading outside. The door wasn't shut all the way, so it was perfect for her to peek through. Her eyes adjusted to the bright sun that made its way through the crack of the door, and she spied for the thugs.

She almost yelped when a figure walked past her building; she shut her mouth with her hand, terrified that her irregular breathing would give her away.

Three boys met up just a few steps away from her, in perfect view from her hiding spot.

"We searched the building, we couldn't find them," one boy reported to the leader; the crimson tinge on his forehead was now dry.

"He's in there, search again—" his hands balled into a tight fist— "NOW!"

The other boys soon disappeared back into the first building. The infuriated boy stood there, pacing around like a hawk waiting for its prey.

How was she supposed to help Donghyuck like this?

She looked around frantically in search of any ideas. There was nothing around her except the debris and a few metal rods laying on the floor under the stairs. Her eyes furrowed in contemplation, her heart burning from nerves.

Maybe she could distract them. Yeah, she could do that— get them out of the other building. She took a deep breath as she picked up two metal rods. Her hands were shaking at this point; this was either a genius idea or a stupid one.

This could work.

She didn't know if she was just trying to convince herself, but it wasn't really working. Her eyes scanned the first floor of the building. Near the flight of stairs was a hallway that ended with another door, the tiny window on it allowing the sunlight to shine naturally on the dusty ground.

She just had to make sure she wasn't inside when the boys swarmed this building. Just create a diversion, then run out through the backdoor of the building.

She crawled back towards the crack of the door. The boy was still standing there, waiting.

Alright, here goes nothing.

With all her strength, she hit the two metal rods against each other, letting the loud clanging echo throughout the building. She felt her chest heat up as she watched the boy's head snap in her direction.

She didn't wait another second; she dropped the rods and sprinted for the back door. She couldn't even manage to slow down, bumping into the door with a loud thud. She pulled on the doorknob, but a daunting realization finally set— the door was locked.

Fuck! She felt her eyes tear up as she turned around, desperate. She ran along the hallways, turning each doorknob with ragged breaths.

This can't be happening, this can't be happening—

Just as she was about to give up, she finally pushed one open. She rushed inside, closing the door behind her.

The room— unlike the one she was in before with Donghyuck— was packed. There were a bunch of old furniture, all of them covered in white cloth.

She rushed towards a small rectangular piece of furniture. She pulled up the sheet to reveal a small cabinet, opening its doors and crawling in. She could feel her skin scrape against the splintery surface of the interior, but she didn't care; she forced herself into the tight space, closing the cabinet doors in front of her.

With that, she fell silent. She covered her mouth, her cheeks damp from the tears.

She focused on the sounds, all of them clear as day. She could hear distant thumping, getting closer each time.

Please don't come in the room, she begged in her head, hoping for anyone— or anything— to listen to her prayers.

Just a few seconds after she settled into the cabinet, she could hear the door open, its heavy creaking taunting her. Maybe someone listened to her prayers, but it certainly wasn't God.

She crouched, helpless. Her breath was held, and she tried with all her might not to let out a sob.

Suddenly, a low voice echoed throughout the room.

"I know you're in here."

Her lips trembled. She could no longer control her tears; they were flowing down her cheeks, her hands now wet over her lips.

"You have nowhere to run, so why don't you make this easier for the both of us—"

His voice was cut and he fell silent.

Her eyes shifted uncomfortably in the dark. Why was he silent all of a sudden? As much as she hated him talking, his silence wasn't any more comforting.

She held her breath as the vague footsteps outside the cabinet retreated, slowly fading away.

She anticipated him to come back at any moment, so she stayed put.

The minutes rolled by; she didn't dare make a move. With each daunting second, she felt her heart start to regain control.

Maybe he's gone now.

Her body was frozen; she didn't want to check, but she didn't want to stay here either. She slowly reached for the cabinet door, pushing it forward.

The natural light seeped in and she paused.

Nothing.

She made tiny movements, slowly reaching for the sheet that covered the cabinet and lifting it upwards—

Heavy footsteps suddenly erupted; her heart leapt out of her chest as she immediately retreated back into the cabinet, closing its doors quickly with a loud thump.

Shit! He must've heard her cabinet shut.

This was it.

She wanted to scream— He was going to find her. This was it, wasn't it? She's definitely dead now—

In a swift, daunting motion, the cabinet door swung open and she let out a terrified screech. Her eyes were shut, her body pressed against the confining walls of the cabinet.

She felt an arm on her thigh and suddenly—

"Ru."

The soft and deep voice jolted her; her eyes flickered open and she finally saw the boy kneeling before her.

She didn't hesitate, jumping out of the closet and hugging him. Her heart was still beating out of her chest, but this time her body was light and frigid.

"Jeno," she whispered, her face buried into his neck.

His arms were wrapped around her, his hand cupping the back of her head. She felt her breathing slowly start to steady.

"Ru, thank god!"

She let go of the hug to find Donghyuck running into the room, immediately kneeling in front of her. He pulled Ru into a tight hug.

"I'm so sorry I left you, but they were coming and I knew we'd be caught if I went out the window too, so I had to distract them—" he pulled away from the hug, observing her face with guilt and concern— "are you okay?"

She mustered up the best smile she could. "Yeah, I'm okay. Are they gone?"

Donghyuck nodded back. "Yeah, they heard the others coming and thought they were the police, so they ran."

The others?

"You made Ru climb out of a window?"

She looked up to see Renjun and Jaemin standing by the doorframe. Seeing all four of them here with her, she felt an intense feeling of relief wash over her.

"Dude, we were surrounded!" Donghyuck retaliated.

As shaken up as she was, a vague smile escaped her upon Donghyuck's casual, defensive tone. She finally gathered the strength to stand up. She dusted off the dirt from her skirt and blouse, trying her best to fix her hair.

Jeno had already stood up and was now peering out of the dirty, translucent window. Jaemin approached her, giving her a quick side hug in reassurance.

"You okay?" He asked.

She looked up at him and nodded. This time, she really meant it.

Renjun was standing in front of her, a reassuring smile on his face. Now that she had calmed down, one question finally popped into her head.

"Hey—" she looked at Renjun— "how did you know we were in trouble?"

"We came to the basketball court and you weren't there, but all your things were— Donghyuck even left his phone."

"Wait, how'd you find us, then?" Donghyuck interrupted.

Renjun reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone and showing them the screen. "Your location's on."

Ru did a mental face-palm. On his screen was her little icon on the map. She had her phone this entire time, but didn't think to call anyone.

"Come on, let's not stick around to see if they come back," Jaemin advised, gesturing for all of them to get out.

Ru looked in Jeno's direction. He had been silent ever since they got here. She wanted to thank him, also possibly ask him if he was feeling better now. However, before she could even approach him, he walked out of the room ahead of the others.

Maybe next time, she thought.

As they all walked out of the musty and dim room, Donghyuck muttered to the rest of the group.

"So, are we going back to the court?"

Everyone groaned simultaneously— "No!"

________________________________________

chapter fifteen.

Ru was lucky the school didn't notice that she skipped school; the Chois were none the wiser about what happened yesterday. Nonetheless, it's safe to say that Ru wasn't going to skip school anytime soon.

Thursday was a quiet day for Ru. As soon as school ended, she bid the others goodbye and walked home— alone, this time. Jaemin and the others had offered to walk her home as usual, but she didn't really feel like having company at the moment.

At least that's what she kept telling herself. The truth was, she didn't know if she could spend another second around Jeno.

Why?

He was ignoring her again. She had been racking her brain all day, coming up with a reason why he had barely spoken to her. They had been fine all of last week but now, it felt as if they were back to square one.

She pushed the house key into its keyhole, the bird keychain dangling as she twisted the key and unlocked the door. She took off her shoes and walked towards the stairs past the dining room.

Ru was surprised to find Mrs. Choi sitting on the dining table, looking at a bunch of opened envelopes, one hand rubbing her temple. Her presence distracted Mrs. Choi from the papers, however, as she looked up at her. "Oh, hello Ru."

Ru returned a sweet smile. "Hi, Mrs. Choi."

Mrs. Choi got up from her chair, scrambling to collect all the sprawled out papers, barely looking at Ru— "would you like anything to eat, darling? I can cook you something from the fridge, I think there might be some leftovers from yesterday—"

"—Oh no, I'm good, Mrs. Choi," Ru replied quickly, shaking her head.

Mrs. Choi paused, looking at the abundance of paperwork on her hands. She sighed, dropping them on the table and looking over at Ru.

"Would you like to go out for some ice cream?" Mrs. Choi blurted.

Ru paused for a moment. Ice cream?

She watched Mrs. Choi's hopeful expression, and something told her the offer wasn't really just for Ru.

"Yes, that'd be nice, thank you." Ru gave Mrs. Choi a grateful smile.

"Perfect—" Mrs. Choi sighed, looking down and gathering the mess of papers on her hands— "let me just put this away and we can go."

Ru nodded awkwardly. She excused herself and went up to her room to get changed. A few minutes later, she came back down to find Mrs. Choi already waiting for her by the door.

"Shall we?" she invited, opening the door for the both of them.

She unlocked her car and they both got in, driving off in silence.

It was weird being in a car with just Mrs. Choi. Normally, the whole family would be together and all she had to do was be silent or occasionally answer questions from the usual prying Mrs. Choi.

This time, she didn't ask Ru any questions. They rode in silence, the saturated orange hue reflecting against the interior of the car like a warm, cartoon movie. Mrs. Choi made turns in directions Ru didn't really recognize, but she didn't mind. She thought that the silence was going to make the car ride feel like an eternity, but before she knew it, the car came to a halt.

The engine stopped, and Mrs. Choi pulled on the hand brake.

"We're here," the poised lady announced in a mild sing-song voice; she was definitely in a better mood already.

Ru stepped out of the car to find that they had parked across the street from a quaint little ice cream shop, its pastel pink and blue striped awning giving the place a homey vibe. Their car was right next to a big community park overlooking a nice, little lake.

Together, they walked across the crosswalk and into the ice cream parlor; the little bell rang as they pushed the door open. It was a tiny shop with only a few round tables aligned on the wall and several ice cream-related decorations hanging from the ceiling.

A long ice cream display freezer was situated right by the door and Ru could immediately spot the overwhelming variety of ice cream flavors: chocolate chip cookies, matcha delight, strawberry swirl, lemonade, Ferrero Rocher, peanut haven, mandarin pistachio, bubblegum...

Ru felt her mouth water from all the colors, all the choices.

The girl behind the counter gave them a warm smile, showing them some of their best-sellers. Ru wasn't really listening— she had already decided which flavor she wanted: Ferrero Rocher.

The rich chocolate color tempted her, pulling her in like a child in a, well, ice cream parlor. She could only remember eating the Ferrero Rocher chocolate once when she was fourteen; one of her many foster families had bought a large box of the round delicacies and she snuck down the pantry at midnight to steal one. She remembered it was heavenly— both the treat and the fact that she got away with it.

"Do you know which flavor you want?" Mrs. Choi asked.

Ru nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, I'll have the Ferrero Rocher, please."

Mrs. Choi gave her a warm smile before turning to the employee and placing their orders.

Just as Ru was watching the girl scoop her ice cream into the cup, she felt her phone buzz in her pocket. She pulled out her phone to find a text message.

Jia<33 sent you a message.

Oh, no. Normally, she'd be excited to receive text messages from Jia or Chohee. But this time, she knew what the text was going to be about. With an uneasy feeling in her stomach, she opened the text:

Jia<33 : Hey cutie!! How are you?

Ru bit her lips as she sent a short response:

Ru: Hey Jiaa, I'm just out with my foster mom

It wasn't even a minute before Jia responded:

Jia<33 : Sounds fuuun

Jia<33 : Btw, what's the status on the double date? I told Chohee about it and she got so excited you should've seen her scream uWu

Her lips turned into a bitter frown. Before she could even think of a response, Jia sent another few texts:

Jia<33: We're actually free tomorrow, can you check if they're free?

Jia<33 : I know a super cute cafe that just opened up

Jia<33 : I'll send you the location

Jia<33 : Hopefully we can double date there! <3

Ru sighed. She didn't respond to the text messages, stuffing the phone back into her pocket. She'll respond later.

"Here you go, Ru—" she looked up to see her glorious ice cream in her foster mother's hand.

"Thank you!" Ru took the ice cream, her excitement growing. She forced the thought of the text out of her head and luckily, the mouth-watering ice cream in her hands was an effective way to do so.

The two of them found a seat in the corner of the shop, plopping onto their seats across from each other. It was silent for a while as the two indulged in the first few bites of their ice creams, until Mrs. Choi finally looked up at Ru, clearing her throat.

"So—" she took a quick scoop off her ice cream— "how's the ice cream?"

"It's delicious."

Mrs. Choi presented a grateful smile, looking down at her own ice cream. If Ru didn't know any better, she wouldn't have noticed. But she did.

Ru cleared her throat— "How, um... how are you, Mrs. Choi?"

She looked up, slightly taken aback. "Oh—" she shook her head dismissively— "I'm alright, I'll be alright."

Ru wanted to put on a brave face for her. It should be her telling Mrs. Choi that she'll be fine. But maybe she wasn't that good at hiding her feelings.

"Don't you worry about it, Ru," Mrs. Choi reassured instead. "What about you, how are you?"

"Oh, you know, I'm fine. Just usual school stuff," she dismissed.

"No, no—" Mrs. Choi leaned in closer, a hint of gloss in her eyes— "tell me about it, I want to hear it."

Mrs. Choi's expression was hard to read. Normally she just looked eager and nosy, but this time it was different. Was it desperation? Maybe there was a bit of sadness in it.

Ru wondered back to Jia's text, Jeno's cold shoulder, even the frightening run-in with those thugs yesterday. How could she explain any of it to her? None of it would make sense, would it?

Mrs. Choi's expression now shifted into anticipation.

It's just Mrs. Choi.

Ru cleared her throat. "There's this boy..."

Mrs. Choi's eyebrows raised in enthusiasm, but she kept quiet. Ru looked down at her ice cream, feeling too awkward to look directly at Mrs. Choi while she told her story.

"I thought he was my soulmate, but it turns out he wasn't. I know I've touched my soulmate, but I don't know where he is... I feel guilty, because I kinda wish that boy was my soulmate, while my real soulmate is out there waiting for me. Even worse, I think the boy wants nothing to do with me."

Ru shifted uncomfortably; she looked up to see Mrs. Choi smiling at her endearingly.

"Honey, soulmates are a tricky thing."

Ru chuckled; she didn't have to be told about that, definitely.

"It's one thing to wish you'll find your soulmate, but when you know you've touched your soulmate? You have absolutely nothing to worry about. He's getting here as fast as he could, and so are you.

Everyone has something to say when it comes to soulmates, but at the end of the day, you have to let your heart decide. Forget about the rules and let your heart guide you. Just relish this moment, every emotion and uncertainty. When your soulmate finds you, you'll just look back at this and laugh."

A smile formed on Ru's face as she felt a warmth in her chest, easing her shoulders from its tensed posture. "Thank you, Mrs. Choi."

Mrs. Choi nodded in return, taking another spoonful of her ice cream. "Despite all the drama, it's still exciting that you've found your soulmate, right? It's such a special and rare thing to happen to someone!"

Mrs. Choi's eyes perked up as she made a barely-audible gasp— "You know about astral capabilities right?"

Ru tilted her head slightly— the word did sound familiar.

Ru's eyes shifted as she tried to recall where she'd read it before.

"I'm sure you've learned it in class before—"

Right, that's where she's heard it.

"—but if you think soulmates re-uniting are a rare thing, astral capabilities are even more so. There's this one documentary I watched once about soulmates with astral capabilities; some soulmates get these powers after they Bind with each other. Isn't that cool?"

Ru nodded; Mrs. Choi looked genuinely excited as she continued to explain.

"This one couple from Costa Rica can breathe underwater when they touch each other. Apparently, they experienced the Binding while kissing underwater in the ocean, and researchers speculate it's why their astral capabilities are related to the water. Amazing!"

"Wow..." Ru heaved, her face a little blank.

They could breathe underwater? She was surprised she had never heard of it before.

"Isn't it crazy to think that you have the possibility of getting astral capabilities, too? Oh, this is exciting, isn't it?" Mrs. Choi squealed, her eyes crinkled in excitement.

Ru took the last scoop of her ice cream as she imagined herself with astral capabilities. She had to admit, it would be so cool to be able to breathe underwater, or whatever other astral capabilities she might be able to get— if she got them at all.

As soon as the two of them were finished with their ice creams, they bid the girl behind the counter a nice goodbye and walked out of the ice cream parlor. The afternoon sun greeted them warmly, the view of the park ahead of them serene and bright.

"Shall we take a quick walk around the park?" Mrs. Choi asked.

Ru nodded as she smiled. "That would be nice."

They walked across the street right past their car and into the park.

The last time she was at a park, Jeno told her he had no soul mark. The atmosphere was so different then; everything was dark and the air was positively chilly.

Now, the sun was out in a warm hue like from the movies, watching over the birds as they chirped joyfully, smiling over the flowers as they swayed with the wind.

The two of them walked through a wide and long stretch of road in the middle of the park, past little stands selling various little trinkets. She didn't even realize when Mrs. Choi stopped in front of one stall, her eyes scanning the rows of accessories on the table.

"Ru, come here—" Mrs. Choi called her— "we should get matching necklaces!"

Ru walked over to the stand and observed an array of matching accessories. A set of necklaces with the sun and the moon, another one with a yin and a yang.

Mrs. Choi gasped lightly as she picked up one set of necklaces— "these ones look beautiful, Ru, what do you think?"

At the end of the necklaces were two tiny, silver robins. Both their heads stuck right next to each other with magnets, like they were leaning against each other. Ru was immediately reminded of the keychain on their house key, which she now realized was also a robin.

"You must really like robins, Mrs. Choi," Ru chuckled, holding the necklace in her hands as she observed its smooth texture and intricate details.

Mrs. Choi laughed. "I used to have a robin when I was a child. I've always thought about getting another bird, but I never got around to doing it."

It was strange hearing Mrs. Choi talk about her childhood. Quite frankly, Ru never really imagined that there was a time when Mrs. Choi was just a child.

She watched Mrs. Choi admire the little birds with awe.

"Well, you should," Ru piped up, "we have a really nice porch out front; it would be a perfect place for its cage."

Mrs. Choi looked at Ru. "You think so?"

Ru nodded. Mrs. Choi gave her a wistful smile and avoided her gaze. There was a moment of silence before the elder finally said, "let's get this necklace then, shall we?"

"Looks perfect," Ru confirmed.

As Mrs. Choi was paying for their necklaces, Ru felt her phone vibrate again. Her little date had caused her to completely forget about her whole Jia and Chohee situation.

She fished out her phone to find that this time, she got several texts from Chohee. Her heart dropped a little as she struggled to click on it; she couldn't bring herself to open the text messages.

Ru stared blankly at her chat history: Jia's texts from earlier that she hadn't even replied to yet, the unopened text messages from Chohee.

Her eyes wandered a little lower until she came across her chat with Jeno. She clicked on it subconsciously, almost like she thought she would find answers in it.

The latest message was one that she sent him yesterday— she had asked him if he was okay. Her eyes flickered down to the bottom of the text, where it said one simple, yet disappointing word: read, 21:36.

The words blared at her. Maybe this was her answer.

On a whim, she exited the chat and clicked on Chohee's messages. It read:

ChoheeO.O : Ruuuuu I'm gonna give u a big fat HUG

ChoheeO.O : As soon as I kill Jia for spilling my secret, you'll get ur hug babe

ChoheeO.O : Ily thank you for the date, we owe you

ChoheeO.O: MUACH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She really had no choice but to move forward with the date, huh?

Her fingers lingered on top of the keyboard. She wanted to type something— anything— but no words came out.

Ru looked up in mild frustration. She watched Mrs. Choi admire her newly-bought necklaces. The crinkles by her eyes were accentuated from the subtle smile playing at her lips. The sunlight hit her face perfectly, casting a golden glow on her brown hair. She suddenly looked so much younger, so much more alive than she had ever realized.

Ru knew it then.

There are more important things in life.

She typed in her responses to both Jia and Chohee, telling them both that she was glad to help.

Her fingers hesitated, but she sent them.

She'd be lying if she said there wasn't a heavy weight on her chest. Despite the sad little pit she had dug for herself, Mrs. Choi was right— she'll laugh about it later.

At least, she hoped to God she would.

________________________________________

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Taglist | @marijmin @jaeminsnanadoongie

[destiniesfic]

132 Hours, Chapter 8:

“Are you scared of me?”

He lets out a nervous little laugh. “Are you decent?”

Previous

Note: There’s a bit of mature 🔞 content in this chapter. This fic is rated E on AO3 for a reason, so please keep that in mind. Thank you!

Read chapter 8 on AO3, or read below:

Heat steals over me slowly, like fog rolling in from the ocean overnight. I have a hard time falling asleep because it hovers at the edge of my senses; a tension headache pressing at the front of my skull, the flipping of my stomach, all compounded by the aching of my injured leg. I toss and turn a little, but not much, because with Cardan next to me there isn’t much room, and I don’t really want to kick him and alert his attention.

His sleep is also restless. I’ll hear his breathing even out, and then he’ll jerk awake, suddenly, with a little startled sound, his elbow brushing my arm, the mattress shifting under him. I didn’t think someone like him would be prone to nightmares, but I guess our situation would test anyone’s psyche. A couple of days ago I would have asked, resentfully, what Cardan would even have nightmares about, but I am learning that his life is not nearly as charmed as it seems.

We must manage to sleep sometime in the early morning hours, and it is then that my heat breaks. I know it’s begun when I wake up. The room is pregnant with it, in the same way the air grows heavy and humid just before a lightning strike. I am aware of every part of my body in a way I usually try not to be: the muscles of my thighs tensing; the prickly three-day hair growth under my armpits; sweat collecting between my breasts; an urgent cramping in my lower belly that I know—with dismay—is ovarian, not uterine; a desperate, disastrous need layered in with it all.

And I am aware of Cardan.

He is fast asleep. I know that for certain, even without listening to the rhythm of his breathing, because he would never be doing this if he weren’t. He’s wrapped himself around me like a boa constrictor, an arm clamped over my waist, a leg slung over my thigh. His hand rests on the sliver of exposed skin where my tank top has hiked up, and his palm seems to burn cold. His lips press against the crown of my head in the mockery of a kiss, his sleep-breath ruffling my hair.

Part of him, however, is very much awake, unmistakably pressed up against my ass, and although I have never handled one of those on purpose I am not so ignorant or inexperienced as to not know what’s going on.

For a moment I feel as though I have left my body entirely, suspended in a weightless space between desire and panic. After that, his hand slides a little further up under the fabric of my shirt and there is nothing I want more than for him to touch me, to cup my breast, to let his fingers slide under the waistband of my shorts. And I think, Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

And I think, What if we get it over with?

But there is no “getting it over with,” because if we start we won’t stop, not for days, not until my heat runs its course and his rut burns away. And, with a flash of shame, with a clench in my stomach, I remember Valerian trying to pin my arms and his sour breath against my cheek as he asked me the same question. Why not get it over with? “Omegas are good for one thing,” he said. “You don’t seem to have figured that out yet.” My heartbeat rabbiting in my chest as for one terrible second I wondered if he was right.

“Cardan,” I whisper. Yesterday I had kicked him awake, but I am too frozen now even for that.

Cardan groans sleepily into my hair. His grip around my waist tightens and his hips press harder against mine and my mind completely whites out at the deep throb of dreadful want that responds. I take a deep breath, count to three, and force myself to reach back and pinch him.

I feel the moment he wakes, because every part of him stiffens. Well, every part that wasn’t already stiff.

“Shit,” he breathes, and he scrambles off of me and across the room so quickly that I am forced to wonder whether he was even there, even as I feel his invisible handprint on my waist.

I roll onto my back. Cardan is now once again in what I’ve come to think of as “his corner.” Although I try not to look at his groin, my eyes seem drawn there, and his jeans are very tight, but out of embarrassment or shame or something else he has arranged his legs so that I can’t see and tugs his loose shirt down.

“So,” he says. “Uh. Morning.”

I don’t know what to say. My mouth feels like a desert. Images of—of all things—prairies at the height of the Dust Bowl that had been printed in one of my middle school history textbooks flash across my mind. Maybe I am delirious.

“It’s started,” I manage.

“Yeah, I got that.” Cardan gestures vaguely, at himself, at the room. He is in sharp focus for me in a way that nothing else is. A rivulet of sweat trickles down his neck. I want to lick it.

I am astonished that he can just sit there in his corner, although he seems more closed-off than usual. I can vaguely recall my first heat and the urge to act, even if I was too miserable to do much and I didn’t know what I wanted to do. Now I know exactly what it is that I want to do. And the pheromones rolling off of me should be sending him into a rut, and alpha ruts are supposed to be a basically unstoppable force. Before suppressants, terrible things would happen if an omega was caught out in an unexpected heat with alphas around. When we woke up I thought his had been triggered, based on the erection and now the sweat. But he’s in his corner, and he isn’t coming closer.

I must really repulse him if he can resist it like that. Normally, this would just irritate me. Now, I want to yell. I want to cry.

“I...” I begin, but then I am hit with another cramp and a chill settles under my skin. Evolutionarily speaking, the purpose of heat is to mate, and there’s logic to making my life unpleasant if I don’t do that, to ensure survival of the species. Everything goes slightly sideways and makes me a little cold-blooded; if an alpha were here to help me regulate my temperature, I would be fine. But my body has caught onto the fact that Cardan is across the room instead of pressed up against me and it says Hey, no, that’s what we want, as if it can decide those things unilaterally. And its main method of protest is to set everything on fire.

I can relate.

As the fever blooms, so does the sensitivity in my every nerve. I feel the underwire of my bra digging into my ribs, the stiffness of my denim shorts and the tickling of stray threads where they have been intentionally distressed. With an urgent gasp, I unzip my sweatshirt and pull it off before reaching up under the back of my tank.

“What are you doing?” Cardan asks, panicked.

I struggle with the clasp of my bra for another second before unhooking it and slipping my arms out of the straps. I pull it out from under my tank top and fling it across the room like it might bite me. “It fucking hurts,” I say between clenched teeth. I start on the button of my shorts.

Cardan covers his face with one large hand. “These are really mixed signals you’re giving off, um, right now. Are you getting naked? Please don’t be naked. I don’t know what’ll happen.”

There’s a waver in his voice that keeps him from sounding aloof and sarcastic. I sit up to slide my shorts down my legs and toss them beside my bra, then put my sweatshirt back on and pull the blanket back up. It’s scratchy, but I have to get warm. “Not naked.” I pause. “Are you scared of me?”

He lets out a nervous little laugh. “Are you decent?”

“Yeah.”

But I am watching his fingers closely as he lowers them from his face. My tongue wets my dry lips, and I wish they were his. Then there’s another cramp, and I feel—oh no. I feel the worst thing of all, because it feels like I’ve wet myself, when really it’s an entirely different category of bodily fluid. My underwear is soaked.

I’m glad I took off my shorts, I think deliriously. It would be such a pain to get this out of denim.

In this terrible moment, I am unable to believe that I have ever hated Cardan. Just looking at him is an experience as visceral as being punched in the gut. I look at his mouth and my lips tingle with the thrill of imagining how a kiss would feel. I look at his long fingers and press my thighs together to stop phantom versions of them from slipping inside of me. I am incoherent with want, absolutely stupid with it, and the last remaining shred of my sanity is the only thing keeping me from crawling over to him and stripping off his shirt.

That and the absolute mortification, because it feels like my entire body clenches again and another rush of fluid follows. I let out an involuntary whimper; my face burns hot with shame. At least he can’t see what’s going on down there with my legs under the blanket. I don’t know what he can smell.

“I’m gonna—” Cardan begins, his eyes darting around the room for some kind of solution to our problem. “I’m— I can’t stay in here.”

I make myself nod. Of course he can’t. As much as I am slowly being consumed by base instincts, I am still here, and the part of me that is me understands that. He can’t stay in here, because something will happen, and he doesn’t want—neither of us want—anything to happen. Of course.

“But we can’t let them in here,” he says, under his breath. “I can’t let them get you. So. Okay.” He nods. “Right. Okay. I’m gonna come over there for like two seconds. Don’t move or do anything or— okay?”

“Okay,” I say. I don’t even think about what it means that I’m going along with what he says. I’m just glad one of us has a plan.

Cardan draws a breath, steeling himself, and crawls over to me. It isn’t very far. I make myself look up at the ceiling so I can’t check whether he’s still hard and pretend to ignore him, even though I can’t not be hyper aware of his presence. He pauses at the side of the mattress and takes another breath.

“Right,” he says. “Sit up for a second.”

I do. To my surprise, he adjusts my pillow, then reaches beyond it to get the one he’d slept on. He moves to put it under my head, then says, “Oh, shit, wait, your leg,” and changes his mind, moving down the mattress to prop my left foot up on it. Then he asks me to lie back down and begins tucking both blankets around me, fitting them tightly to my body.

“We have to like, smother it, right?” he says. There’s a manic quality to his voice, like he’s on the verge of babbling. “We can’t let them smell you. So if we trap the smell in the blankets, maybe…”

“That’s smart,” I say.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Although I’m afraid it’s also useless at this point. The stale air in here is already saturated with both of our scents. Cardan’s is muskier than usual today, cocoa and earth and… I break out in a fresh round of sweat, but my body also calms down a little at having him nearer, at the possibility that something might happen.

He pauses when he tucks the blankets around my shoulders, his eyes, dark as black coffee, finding mine. If I look closely enough, I can tell where his irises end and his pupils begin. They’re blown wide, although that could just be because it’s so dark in here. Still, I am captivated by the arc of his eyelashes when his eyes flick toward my lips.

“Jude,” he says quietly. The sweat is making his hair curl even more than usual. I want to mess it up so badly. I want to be kissed. I have never wanted anything more. Valedictorian, college acceptances, acknowledgment of my accomplishments, all of those wants vanish in the face of Cardan and his perfect Cupid’s bow, his full lower lips.

For one long, tense minute, we are not moving, breathing the same air. Then there is a quiet knock at the door, an almost fluttery beat, like that of a hummingbird’s wings. It’s the Bomb’s knock.

Cardan jerks back from me like he’s been hit with a sudden electric shock. “Okay,” he says, reassuring himself. “You’re as far away from the door as you can be. It’ll have to be enough. I just— won’t let them in. Yeah.”

He stands, looking down at me one more time, and then turns away. I see him subtly adjust himself before moving to stand in front of the door, blocking the entrance.

“Jude’s sick,” he calls.

The door swings open immediately.

Cardan doesn’t move. I peer at the doorway. Behind the Bomb’s slight form, I can make out the Roach, halfway to standing from his chair at the table.

“What’s wrong with her?” he asks.

“Fever,” Cardan lies.

“I should get the Ghost,” the Bomb says. I guess it’s a credit to how scared they are of Madoc that she sounds properly worried. “If her wound’s infected—”

“Then he fucked up. That’s exactly why you shouldn’t get him.” Cardan sounds properly commanding and haughty, an alpha born. You would never know he is actually nervous. I’m not sure whether I should be impressed or afraid that he’s such a good liar.

Because, of course, the reason not to get the Ghost is that he’s a likelier alpha than the Bomb. Because Cardan has made the same calculation I have: that the Bomb, a petite woman, is probably not a threat to me.

The Bomb frowns. “Did you check her leg?”

“Well, no…”

“Might as well, before we bother him,” says the Roach. “You know how he likes it up there in his perch.”

I send up a silent thank you to whoever might be listening. Cardan moves aside to let the Bomb enter, turning to watch her approach. When the Roach comes to the doorway, Cardan subtly shifts his weight to block half the entrance with his shoulder. If the Roach notices, he doesn’t remark on it.

“Jude,” says the Bomb, crouching down at my side in the space that Cardan had just occupied. “You okay?”

I blink and wrench my gaze over to her. I try to think of what I would normally say. After all, one time I went to school with a one hundred and two degree fever so as not to miss a history test. I only got sent home because I nearly fainted in gym. Our kidnappers wouldn’t know that, but they do know I downplayed being shot. That’s enough.

“I’m fine,” I grit out. “He’s exaggerating.”

Cardan rolls his eyes. The Bomb frowns. I am relieved that even this close, her scent does absolutely nothing for me, but maybe that’s because Cardan’s still lingers in the air. “Well, you don’t look fine.” She puts a hand to my forehead and the frown deepens. “Yeah, definitely warm. I’m going to take a look at your leg.”

I nod, although I don’t particularly want anyone crawling around anywhere near my lower body. Luckily, when she pulls the blankets aside, it’s only to my knee. “Hmm,” she says. “Nothing’s bleeding through. I don’t see anything weird.” She glances back at the door, and a look passes between her and the Roach that I don’t understand. “I’m going to unwrap it for a sec.”

“Fine,” I repeat.

Even though I do try to keep still while she does it, I can’t help but glance down. The wound looks okay. It’s scabbed over, and the skin is raw and pink at the borders, but it’s clearly healing normally. The Bomb rewraps my leg with steady hands, although not as well as the Ghost had.

“Well?” Cardan asks. Impatient, irritated. He wants everyone out of the room. “How is she?”

“Her leg’s okay,” the Bomb reports. Does anybody else realize the way they’re responding to him? Answering his questions, responding to physical cues? The chemical signals he’s sending out might not be driving anybody else here crazy, but they’re certainly having some effect, and nobody seems to know but me.

“Maybe a virus,” the Roach suggests. “Something you guys brought in with you.”

Cardan forces his face into a grimace. “I probably shouldn’t be locked in a tiny cell with her, then.”

“You might already have it, kid.”

“I feel fine.”

The Bomb and the Roach exchange another glance.

“C’mon,” Cardan presses. “I’ll be good. Plus, I kind of want to learn how to shuffle cards like you do. I’ve never seen anybody’s hands move that fast.”

I am forced to give Cardan a little credit here. I had noticed the Roach playing Solitaire, but I hadn’t really paid attention to anything else he did with the cards. And flattery is definitely a tool I haven’t mastered.

The Roach considers this, pressing his lips together. “All right,” he says at last. “You can sit across from me while the Bomb picks up some medicine for her. But so much as one sneeze and you’re back in the room.”

“Deal,” says Cardan, who glances at me. I try to force my face to remain neutral, even though, now that he’s on the verge of leaving, everything in me is screaming for him to stay. But it’s the right thing for him to go. He doesn’t want me, I don’t know what I want, and if he stays the decision will be made for us. I still ache at the idea of him leaving. Or maybe that’s just the fever.

So Cardan, and the Roach, and the Bomb all go, and I am alone. I don’t even hear anyone secure the deadbolt. I must look really wretched if they think I won’t try to escape again.

They’re right.

I turn back onto my side, wrapping the blankets tighter around me. I don’t know how much time I have before the Bomb returns, but it has to be more time than I need for this. I shove my right hand into my underwear, which is already soaked, as I know the blankets probably are and the mattress is. I should probably treat my own body with a little more care, but I can’t exactly light candles or run a warm bath, and it’s not like I ever go easy on myself.

At first I just try to look at the wall as I work, try to concentrate on the building of sensation between my thighs, but my mind keeps skipping like an old record, and every skip reminds me of the way Cardan’s dick felt against my ass. Which does arouse me more, but also makes me nervous. Alphas are supposed to be well-endowed, but I can’t imagine it fitting. I know there is a hole in me, but it’s metaphorical—the gaping maw that feeds on my accumulated trauma so I don’t have to deal with it—and while I also know biology facts like “the vaginal canal lengthens during arousal” it just doesn’t seem plausible. And anyway, none of this is sexy.

So I end up thinking about his fingers instead, even though I don’t want to think about any part of him at all. His long fingers, which are always moving, drumming on his knee, scratching at the wall, running through his hair. I think about how he said he knew his way around sex things and wonder if he could do a better job than I am doing right now. Would he be rough with me, like alphas are known to be? Or would he be gentle, with the same odd tenderness he’d shown when he tucked my hair behind my ear?

I don’t know why I break on that thought—I will never have that, he doesn’t want to give it to me, I will never know—but I do. Climax feels like shattering into a million tiny pieces. I muffle myself with the pillow, tasting dry cotton.

My face is wet, but not with sweat. I am crying. And because no one is here, I let myself cry, pretending that it’s just another symptom. That it can’t be helped. I let the tears come until they’re out of my system and my well of despair has run dry.

Then I settle in for a long and terrible day.

Next

[thedumpsterqueen]

Standards of Performance, Chapter 3: Boundaries and Text Messages

Regular weekly update! Look at me go! This one took me ages to write for absolutely no reason, and then ages to edit because the AO3 text editor kicked my ass. Hopefully the formatting isn’t a dumpster fire, and hopefully you enjoy! Sidenote: you are always welcome to scream about Hotch, nsforwork or not, in my inbox.

Chapter 1, Chapter 2

AO3 Link

Summary:  You’re the BAU’s newest intern, desperate to prove yourself amongst an established team of much more experienced profilers. Agent Hotchner, the seemingly infallible team leader, sets strict expectations for your performance. He commands your respect without even trying, but is there something more to your relationship than a simple desire to impress your stony-faced boss?

Chapter: 3, Boundaries and Text Messages

Chapter Summary: You discover that the unsub isn't what he seems, and overstep some boundaries you probably shouldn't have.

Words: 2291

Rating: Explicit, 18+

Pairings: Hotch x Reader, Hotch x You

Back in Hotch’s hotel room, the three of you were sitting on the ground, surrounded by textbooks and torn-out pages covered in the seemingly mindless scrawls of the suspect. Well, you and Morgan were on the floor; Hotch was at the desk chair. Hotch wasn’t really a sit-on-the-floor type of person.

Morgan groaned and rubbed his temples for the third time in an hour. “It means nothing, man. He researched all this shit so he could commit the crimes in a way that would fuck with us.”

Hotch sighed and nodded in agreement. “It certainly seems that way. That explains the inconsistencies in the profile. However, we can still understand the subject by the signatures he chose.” He pointed to a scribbled note in a textbook section about the psychology surrounding different methods of murder: “Slashing throat? Effective + easy.”

He looked at you. “What can this note tell us about our subject?”

“Um, it doesn’t sound like the cause of death is important to him. Like it’s just something he needs to do. A necessity. Right?” you responded, somewhat unprepared for this sort of pop quiz.

“Exactly. And this tells us more about him. This isn’t about the kill; it’s about what he does beforehand. It’s about the rape,” Hotch said. “Don’t be so humble. You know more than you think you do.”

Your face felt hot, and you looked at the floor - an increasingly regular occurrence around him.

Morgan spoke up, still visibly exasperated. “If he spent so much time trying to throw us off, why did he pick victims that were so easy to tie to him?”

“He’s an idiot?” you offered before you could stop yourself.

Really professional. Holy shit, please shut up.

The faintest trace of a smirk graced Hotch’s face. “You’re not entirely wrong. He isn’t particularly intelligent, based on the information we’ve gathered so far. Not nearly as complex as we initially assumed.”

“Yeah, well, either way, he’s a nut. And Gracia can’t find anything about where he might be, and I’m starving,” Morgan said, standing up. “I’m gonna pick something up. You guys want anything?”

“Get me whatever looks good,” replied Hotch, focused on whatever written ramblings he was currently dissecting.

“You?” Morgan asked you.

“Just get me whatever you get him,” you said. “Thanks, Morgan.”

Morgan nodded and grabbed his jacket. “Be back soon.”

He closed the door, leaving you alone with your boss that you definitely didn’t have an erotic dream about the night before. You tried to focus on the textbook, but the words swam. After a few minutes, you huffed and set the book down.

“Shouldn’t we be looking for him right now instead of reading his weird psychobabble?”

Hotch looked up from his work with a raised eyebrow.

You continued, “I just mean, isn’t it more important to stop him from killing again? We already know he did it based on the stuff he wrote in the books, we don’t need to fully understand his motivations to confirm that.”

“Yes,” Hotch said, “but these offenders rarely cease their behavior out of nowhere. His appetite is alarming; he took three victims at once. We don’t know if those were even his first assaults or kills. Given that Garcia couldn’t locate any family or friends, we have no idea where he might be, so our time is best spent learning how to predict his actions and respond if someone else goes missing.”

He was correct, of course, but it just didn’t feel right - like you were sitting and waiting for something terrible to happen before you could do anything. Hotch must have sensed your frustration, because he leaned forward towards you, elbows resting on his knees, and continued in a slightly softer tone, “I know you feel helpless. We all do in situations like these. But trust me, we’re accomplishing more here than we would be trying to canvas the entire city.”

“I know,” you mumbled. “You’re right. It’s just, seeing the photos of those girls, knowing the type of person that’s out there, it’s hard to convince myself I’m doing enough just sitting here.”

“You’re not just sitting here, and you know that,” Hotch said, sternly. “You’re doing your job. People will die with or without us; our job isn’t to save them. It’s to catch the people that kill them.”

“But how do you deal with it?” you asked, growing more bold than you probably should be. You weren’t just asking about this case anymore, and you weren’t sure whether or not you wanted him to understand that. You wanted to ask him how he did it - how he woke up every morning alone, how he suffered an unimaginable loss at the hands of some of the purest evil society could produce and went back to the job that showed him more of that evil every day.

Judging by the hard set of his jaw, he knew exactly what you were getting at.

“I do it because I have to,” he said. Every word sounded measured, like he was explaining something he had dozens of times before.

“You don’t,” you whispered, but you knew you were wrong, at least to him. You knew he felt it was his responsibility to shoulder the burden so other families didn’t have to experience what he did. You had a background in psychology, and this was pretty low hanging fruit. A therapist would have a field day with him, but you weren’t a therapist, and you certainly weren’t in any position to tell your boss, a leader with decades of experience in the field, that he shouldn’t be taking all of this on.

He evidently didn’t find your comment worthy of a response, as he went back to picking through the pile of evidence. You’d hit a nerve though - his posture was more rigid, his almost-permanent scowl even more pronounced. The tension built with every second of silence, and you suddenly wished you could go back and erase the conversation.

Thinking better of trying to repair the damage you’d done, you kept the subsequent conversation focused on the profile. By the time Morgan got back, you had a fairly good idea of the suspect’s psychology, and after a quick break for fried rice and a video chat with the team, JJ set up to deliver a press conference from the police precinct in Vegas. Hotch switched on the news on the hotel TV, and you sat back to watch.

“The man currently suspected of committing the triple homicide that left bodies here in Vegas, in Phoenix, and in San Diego is an obsessive sexual predator,” JJ said to a waiting crowd of reporters and police. “He displays characteristics of a stalker, and women who interact with him may describe him as creepy or off-putting. Though murder is not his ultimate goal - in fact, he may not be completely comfortable with the act - he views it as a necessary step to dispose of his victims post-assault.”

“Do we usually do this?” you whispered to Morgan, “Release the whole profile publicly?”

“Nah, but with this guy, we want him to know we’re onto him,” he said back, trying not to disturb Hotch, who was watching JJ’s address intently. “He put so much effort into throwing us off, we gotta let him know we see through his bullshit. It’s the only play we got right now, considering we got no idea where he is.”

You turned back to the screen, where JJ had moved on to talking about the suspect. “His name is Ellory Matthews,” she said, holding up his ID photo. “He’s a 24 year old white male, about 5’9” and 200 pounds. We have strong reason to suspect he is involved and currently trying to evade the police. He is considered armed and extremely dangerous, so if you see him, please do not approach and call 911 immediately.”

Hotch, apparently having heard enough, stood up and turned off the TV. “Hopefully someone has seen him and can tell us where he is. If not, this should be enough to scare him into making a mistake.”

You tried not to think about the fact that a mistake still probably involved someone being hurt or killed.

“Get some rest. I’ll clean up here. Morgan, before you head to bed, call Garcia again and see if she’s found anything that can point us to where he might be.”

“Got it, I’ll let you know. Night, Hotch,” Morgan said.

You echoed Morgan and headed back to your room.

____________

After getting ready and tucking into bed, you found yourself completely unable to fall asleep. The conversation with Hotch kept replaying in your head - how resentful he’d looked when you asked him how he does his job, knowing that you were asking about it in relation to his family members’ deaths. He was a reasonable man, and you knew you hadn’t done anything wrong on the surface, but you shouldn't have pushed it, especially since the events you were referencing had been relayed to you by JJ in private. You weren’t even sure he wanted you to know about what happened to his wife and kid.

Shit, I might have really fucked up.

You rolled over and yanked your phone off the charger, and before you had time to convince yourself it was a bad idea, you sent him a message.

Me: Hey, sorry to bother you, I know it’s late. I just wanted to apologize if I offended you during our conversation earlier. You’re an incredible agent and boss and I didn’t mean to imply you shouldn’t be in the field for any reason.

You scrolled through Instagram mindlessly, waiting for his response, but he texted back almost immediately. Knowing him, he hadn’t even made an attempt to go to bed; he was probably still up reviewing the case.

Agent Hotchner: I understand. No need to apologize. I knew you’d hear about what happened sooner or later, and it’s natural to question my judgement, considering. I hope my actions in the field haven’t done anything to lend credence to that concern.

A weight lifted from your shoulders at his response, knowing he wasn’t angry with you.

Me: No, not at all, Sir. You and the team have been incredible and I’ve already learned so much. If I ask a question, please know it’s for my own learning rather than questioning your decisions!

Agent Hotchner: I’m glad to hear that. Please always feel free to ask questions.

Me: Thank you so much! Will do!

Satisfied with conversation, you set the phone back on the nightstand and rolled over. A few moments later, though, it buzzed again, and you looked at the screen.

Agent Hotchner: “Sir” is a little formal for text messages though, isn’t it?

You blinked, struggling to process the tone of the message. Was Aaron Hotchner making a joke? You messaged him back hesitantly.

Me: Can never be too formal! :) Is there something you’d prefer?

Agent Hotchner: Oh, I’m sure you can figure something out.

Your eyes widened at that, and you sat up in bed, staring at your screen. If you thought he was messing with you before, this was more; this was almost… flirting.

Ok, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here, you thought, trying to calm your embarrassingly high heart rate. He’s older. Way older. He probably doesn’t text that much, and he probably doesn’t realize how that came off.

Me: I’ll let you know when I do.

Agent Hotchner: Please do. Sleep well.

You placed the phone back on the bedside table, almost shaking with adrenaline. What was wrong with you lately? First you have a sex dream about your boss (who’s old enough to be your parent, you might add), and now you’re freaking out because he texted you something that could possibly be, in some interpretations, construed as flirting.

Hotch was attractive, of course. You’d have to be an idiot not to admit that. He was handsome in a way you didn’t see often - not the obvious, in-your-face stunning like Morgan was, or even the adorable, put-together look that Reid gave off. Hotch was old-school handsome, like he should be in a black and white movie smoking a cigarette while his doting wife made him dinner.

Or something. It’s not like you’d thought about this before.

But even if he was handsome to such a degree that seeing him with two buttons on his dress shirt undone nearly gave you a heart attack, leaning into this fantasy you were unconsciously creating where your relationship was anything more than boss and intern had the potential to destroy your career. Hotch could read people like a book, and if you were unable to conduct yourself normally and effectively at work for any reason, your internship and aspirations would be tossed out to the street.

Time to stop being an idiot.

Sometime during your mental dissection of the text conversation and its implications, you must have fallen asleep. You were awoken to a still-dark room and someone gently squeezing your shoulder, saying your name.

“Wha- oh, it’s you. I’m so sorry, did I miss something? What’s going on?” you asked, still not fully conscious.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Hotch replied, standing over you. You were suddenly thankful for the dark room and the blanket that were covering your lack of pants. “I tried calling you and knocking, but you didn’t respond. I figured you’d forgotten to turn your ringer on.”

“Shit, yeah, I did. I’m so sorry,” you said, sitting up. “What did you need?”

“It’s Ellory Matthews. Police caught him trying to kidnap another girl. He’s in custody.”

[amenvs3000]

A Chapter Closing.......

           Writing this final post has actually made me quite sad. I enjoyed drafting these posts as they provided me with an opportunity to express my views and share my thoughts and opinions with my classmates. The response process with everyone also provided a much-needed social interaction that was lost due to the pandemic. Yet I will not dwell upon what is coming to an end. Instead, I will reflect upon what I have learned about my development as a nature interpreter. In particular, how is my personal ethic evolving, what beliefs are influencing me, what do I view as my responsibilities, and what approaches are most suitable for me as a nature interpreter? The highly divergent views expressed by my classmates in their blogs has illustrated how important individual life experiences and circumstances are in forming their opinions, thoughts and views. Sharing our individual experiences has helped us collectively expand our horizons. So how has this influenced me?

          Everyone has an ethic that influences the way in which they approach a task or respond to an issue. Ethics are referred to by the Government of Canada (2015) as “a way of living” that people use to justify their actions based upon what they deem right and wrong and just and unjust. The moral judgments that individuals make are not something that can be taught but is something that they need to cultivate. An individual’s ethics can continue to develop and change as people grow and learn valuable lessons over their lives. The beliefs that I have, the responsibilities that I feel, and how I go about addressing situations are all rooted back to my individual moral ethics.

My parents are two of the most important people in my life. A lot of the moral ethics that I have now are because of them. They have instilled values in me that shape every action I do. Photo taken by Brooke Murphy (my sister)       

       I believe that humans tend to take things for granted and we tend to not understand how truly valuable people, moments or objects are. I think that nature is one of those things humans undervalue. 

Quickly take a second and reflect on how vital nature is for your survival.

 Humans require nature for food, places to exercise, to find inspiration, and improve their mental health. That is why I believe nature interpretation is so vital. It helps enhance one’s appreciation for the natural world. Personally, the pandemic took a toll upon my mental health. One of the ways that I have been able to recover is through interpreting nature. Nature brings me this sense of calm, making all the anxieties, which tend to overtake my life some days, disappear. The significance nature plays in my mental health recovery is why I believe that nature is so vital as the benefits it has tend to go unnoticed by most.

I started really understanding how important walking through nature was for my mental health in 2017 when I started to develop severe anxiety. This photo is around the time my anxiety was becoming extremely bad and I was going on frequent walks just to try to feel calm and I found nature was able to help me find this calm.

         Given how positively impactful nature has been on my life, I feel responsible to serve as an interpreter for nature. I do not necessarily want to be a formal nature interpreter, but I would still like to be a nature interpreter through my day-to-day actions. The natural world has helped me immeasurably and improved my mental health. That is why I feel responsible for helping to improve nature’s physical health by discussing endangered species, climate change, and other pressing environmental issues. When I graduate, I plan to pursue a career in teaching and use the concepts that I learned in this course in my career. I learned that effective communication is essential! To educate an audience about nature, I need to be able to effectively communicate to an audience in both an engaging and inclusive manner in order to appeal to their moral ethic to act as stewards of the earth! 

Freeman Tilden says.....

 “we must not tell one what they can do, but what they should do and not what they must be, but what they can be”. 

I believe that in order to do this I will need to tailor to my audience how I present a topic. In the course and textbook, the notion is discussed that how people interpret and connect with a presentation will be influenced by presentation style. Understanding and customizing each presentation to address each audience’s different learning styles is critical and my responsibility.

           I feel responsible for being an effective nature interpreter, not just for nature, but also for the individuals that I am presenting to. I believe and feel everyone has a right to be included and that no one should be made to feel as if they are not welcome - speaking from experience. As a nature interpreter, it is my responsibility to ensure that everyone can engage comfortably with an issue or concept that I am discussing. As a person who suffers from social anxiety, I can relate to the difficulty of group engagement. I know that as soon as my anxiety begins, I start to zone out and cannot remember anything. To ensure that this does not happen to others, I would give consideration to making people feel physically, mentally and socially safe. Doing this will help to ensure that everyone is given the same opportunity despite what they have and lack in their “invisible knapsack”.

I remember I was super anxious this day and was very quite during this tour/experience. The tour guide picked up on it and in front of the whole group made me come and kiss a stingray for 7 years of good luck. This gesture made me feel so included and special that I stopped feeling as anxious and began engaging more. Highlighting how important it is to make sure everyone feels included and has the same opportunity to learn. 

          I find that humour is one of the best ways to present a concept as it makes people more engaged and relaxed. Adding humour to my presentation, while effectively articulating my point, makes an experience more engaging and memorable while creating a sense of joy and calm. I use humour often in my everyday life. Humour helps to lighten the mood and make experiences more enjoyable, I also find it helps reduce my anxiety, which is an added bonus.

          This course taught me that there are many ways to be a nature interpreter, present a topic or write a blog. The diverse means of completing different tasks allows us to add our own values and beliefs to everything. Therefore, when someone wants to use different approaches, teaching styles, and so on, that is 100% okay! The ways that individuals choose to work in the future will be effective regardless of the style, as long as they stay true to their morals, beliefs and values.

As long as you stay true to you the impacts you can have and the lessons you can teach will be unmeasurable! 

References 

Beck, L., Cable, T.T., & Knudson, D.M. (2018). Interpreting cultural and natural heritage for a better world. Sagamore Venture Publishing LLC.

Government of Canada. (2015). What is ethics? https://www.canada.ca/en/treasury-board-secretariat/services/values-ethics/code/what-is-ethics.html

[keytomythoughts]

Perfection Imperfections | Chapter 1

Chapter Index 

»»—————————————-　

Finally, summer break. It’s been a while since I was able to go home. Having to attend high school rather far from my home in Seoul, I never thought that I’d adjust to the new environment. Fortunately, I wasn’t entirely alone, since I stayed with my aunt for the four years of my high school life. School wasn’t so bad, but the homesickness is what killed it for me. Even though it was my parents' idea to send me a rather vast distance—me not being too excited about it, but I knew I wouldn’t get my way in the end—there was some good that came from it. The two only good things, actually. 

I glance outside the train window, the buildings of Busan zooming past me. Sure, it may not be my home, but I won’t lie. I’m really going to miss this place. My phone suddenly vibrates in my lap, glancing down to see a text from my group chat, smiling as I respond.

(Binnie)

R u still on the train?

                                                               Yeah have been for the past like 30 mins

(Eunuwu) 

Going back to ur parents? Or r u moving out?

                                                                                                                      Funny

                                                                        Yk I can’t move out, at least not on                                                                            my own. My parents won’t allow it

(Binnie)

:/

What about Jaehyun?

                                                                            Idk, they rlly dc what he does tbh

                                                                       They’re just hell-bent on me getting                                                                                    into the top schools and shit

(Eunuwu)

Damn, rough

                                                                                                                        Mhm

(Binnie)

Try talking to them, u never know

They might change their minds?

                                                                 Nah, I already know how it’s gonna end

                                                                         Me crying and stuffing myself with                                                                           pints of ice cream

(Eunuwu)

Doesn't sound so bad

(Binnie)

¬_¬

(Eunuwu)

Except for the crying part ofc

But c’mon it cant really be THAT bad

I’ve been over plenty of times, they seem nice

(Binnie)

U’ve been to her house??

                                                                         Yeah him and oppa are friends too

(Binnie)

Righttt forgot lol

                                                                  And that’s bc you were there dumbass                                                                    and half of the time ur either in oppa’s                                                                    room or out somewhere

                                                                  Interaction with my parents = minimal

(Binnie)

That sounds awful ngl :( sorry Hyuna

But hey we should all hang soon!

(Eunuwu)

I’ll be in Seoul for the summer too so y not?

                                                                                                           I miss y’all :’(

                                                                   Ok I should be there around like 5 ish                                                                     so I’ll text then

(Binnie)

Aww I miss u toooo 

(Eunuwu)

*puke*

                                                                                           Shut up, ur just jealous

(Eunuwu)

Me? Jealous?? Of what, ur face?

Yea no thx, Ive got a great face already

And personality 0:)

                                                                               Gr8, explains why ur still single

(Binnie)

LOLL

She got u there bro

(Eunuwu)

Shut up

Ur talking as if u’ve got a gf

Idiot

(Binnie)

At least I didnt reject them as coldly as u did lol 

                                                                                             See? My point exactly

                                                                               Your fAcE scared off every girl                                                                                   in sight bc of tht pErSoNaLiTy

                                                                           I almost feel bad for them, u little                                                                             heart breaker

(Binnie)

He made a couple of em cry I heard

                                                                                                                     Rlly?!?

                                                                                                                         YAH

                                                                                                               U MORON

(Eunuwu)

Bin wtf

(Binnie)

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

                                                                                    U JERK HOW COULD U??

                                                                                              Those poor girls omg

                                                                               Im so kicking ur ass when I c u

(Binnie)

Me 2

(Eunuwu)

Wtf?? Y???

(Binnie)

No reason lol, just feel like it

                                                                                         And this is why ily Binnie

(Binnie)

:D <3

(Eunuwu)

GROSS

                                                                                                        Can it u demon

                                                                                                         Read 4:02 PM

I snort, turning off my phone and placing it back down on my lap as I go back to staring outside my left-hand window again. Meet Cha Eunwoo and Moon Bin, my two best friends. The only reason I got through high school how I did without major setbacks. Sure, there was the occasional homesickness and all, but had I not met these two, I probably wouldn’t have even attended and graduated. 

Being so far away from the place I grew up never really suited me, and they saw it right away from day one how lonely and upset I looked. I didn't seem to fit in, especially since I skipped a grade and was placed in classes that were very advanced for me. Not that I minded the vigor, but it was hard for me to socialize, let alone make friends. 

That’s when I met them. Freshman year in homeroom before my first literature class. Moon Bin, a boy with parted, coppery-golden hair accompanied by his shy, puppy-eye smile and sweet nature, offered me an empty seat next to him in class, even going as far as to share his textbook and asking how I found the school. No doubt, I was embarrassed and immensely shy, stuttering over my words and failing to meet his soft gaze. However, he didn’t make fun of me nor find me odd. All he did was smile, laughing lightly at my slightly flustered state. He stuck his hand out, introducing himself (most people just call him Moonbin or Bin) with that smile of his, thus the start of our new friendship. Since then, he became someone who always knew how to cheer me up when I was feeling down. No moment was ever dull with him by my side. 

Eunwoo, the tall, brooding black-haired and charismatic student almost everyone knew (and crushed on) of, was usually with Moonbin when we hung out together, but he normally kept to himself. Though quiet and sometimes reserved with his intimidating looks, it didn’t take long for him to break the ice with us, the three of us becoming close friends. Promising to stay like this until we went to college and beyond. Regardless if we all diverge and tread different paths, we would always converge and come back to one another. 

Four years flew by and graduation was upon us. Just like that, the two became like family to me, my ride-or-die duo. The two who were able to turn my world upside down, finding solace in a time where I thought it was nearly impossible for me to.  

My thoughts are interrupted by my “Move” ringtone—yes, I’m a huge Lee Taemin fan—looking down at my phone again to see it’s my brother calling. I sigh, picking up the call.

“What?” 

He gasps dramatically. “Is that any way to address your loving older brother after being away for so long?”

I snort, shaking my head. “Loving my ass, oppa. How are mom and dad?”

“They’re fine, living. Didn’t you tell them you’re coming home?”

“Nope, I don’t even text them that often. You already know this..”

He sighs. “Yeah, I figured.” 

There’s a slight pause on his end, but he continues. “You took the three-thirty train, right? So you’ll be here around five or so?”

“Yeah, give or take.” 

I look out the window again to see the endless stretch of greenery and flowing springs, sometimes even children playing in the fields. I grin mischievously, deciding to poke fun at my brother when he doesn’t respond right away. 

“What, you miss me?”

He makes a sound similar to throwing up. “As if. I got so used to the peace and quiet. I’m not ready for it to go away.” 

“Yah!” I realize that I had yelled a bit too loudly and eyes were now trained on me, and I bow my head in apology. I lower my voice, “You’re such an asshole.”

“Oh, I know, but you still love me anyway.”

“Shut up.”

I can hear his laugh resonate through the phone and a smile unknowingly tugs at my lips. I wouldn’t say it out loud, but it’s true. When I lived with my aunt in Busan for the duration of high school, I missed Jaehyun a lot. Though two years older than me, he didn’t seem to alienate me the way my parents do. While I hate the notion that they spoil Jaehyun endlessly and let him do as he wishes, I won’t lie and say that he was a prick about it. He could’ve been, but he never came off as selfish. I’m really close with my brother, shocking as it may be. Sibling relationships are like that—one minute you want to strangle them with their intestines and the next you’re singing duets together. Crazy, but that’s how it is for us. My parents don’t really pay me any attention, so Jaehyun decides to do that instead. Not complaining though. I’d rather take his pranking and teasing over my parents’ demands and reprimands any day.

“Aight, I’m heading out for a bit. Text me when you arrive.”

I smile again. “Will do, but make sure to get me food!”

“Let me think…” He hums, and I can practically sense the smirk on his end. “Nope. Get your own.”

“Oppa!”

Jaehyun laughs. “See you in a bit, Hyuna. Get here safely. Bye!”   

He hangs up the call before I get a chance to retort, and I scoff. Typical of my brother. He knows how much I enjoy street food, and every time he goes out, it’s almost certain that most of the time he stops somewhere to eat. Did he ever bring food back? Sure, but by the time I’d get to it, most of it was gone anyways. That only lasted a little while before I had gone upstate anyways, so he had more food for himself, I guess.

As the train barrels down the tracks, I feel my heart racing in excitement, but there’s also a slight ounce of dread. I really don’t know why. I want to believe it’s because I’ve been away for too long, but part of me knows it’s the fact that I’ll have to face my parents again. Knowing that I only have two months to decide where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do, I know the bitter truth is that those decisions won’t be left up to me. Last time, I was sent to Busan.

God knows where I’d be sent to now.

***

“Final destination of the KTX Busan-Seoul train at Seoul Station is approaching and will arrive at 05:30 PM. The doors to alight are on the right hand side. All passengers are requested to dismount the train upon arrival. Thank you.” 

That’s my stop.

Gathering my bag and hand luggage, I patiently wait for the train to pull up at the station. Seeing the familiar shops and buildings around me makes my legs bounce up and down in both excitement and anticipation. 

Four long years away from Seoul...

Before getting off, I quickly text the group chat and then my brother, letting them all know that I’ve reached safely. Side-stepping the other passengers exiting the subway doors, I carefully land onto the platform with my luggage in tow. I breathe in the air around as I stretch my arms up into the sky, the grin widening on my face.

It sure as hell feels good to be back home.

I try my best to maneuver through the crowds, but it doesn’t stop the rush of people knocking into me. At times like these, I curse my genetics for favoring my older brother instead of me in terms of height. Eventually, I come to a clearing and when my eyes glance upwards, I spot a rather familiar dark brown-haired six-foot-tall male amongst the small crowd waving me over.

“Hyuna, over here!”

I gasp, my eyes widening. “Oppa!”

He smiles as I begin walking towards him, my feet hurriedly moving across the concrete. The distance between us shortens and I abandon my luggage as he opens his arms wide. 

Only for me to sucker punch him in the stomach.

He yelps in pain, grimacing as he holds his abdomen. “Shit, that hurt. What has Aunt Sua been feeding you up there? Rocks?”

I smack his shoulder, my blood slightly boiling in anger. “Yah, why didn’t you tell me you were coming?! Do you know how much money I blew off for the bus fare?”

He straightens his back before going to rub his shoulder, then behind his neck.

“Fine, fine. My bad. I wanted to surprise you, but I guess that didn’t work, did it?” 

I cross my arms over my chest, huffing in annoyance. He sighs, nodding.

“Okay, okay, I’ll compensate you. Dinner’s on me.”

At this I grin, blinking excitedly. I grab onto his arm and shake it vigorously. “Really? You mean it? You’re the best, oppa!” 

“Look at this brat..” he taunts, shaking his head. In a flash, he headlocks me and rubs the top of my head harshly with his knuckles, upsetting the neatly-tied auburn ponytail. 

“Yah! Quit it!” I smack his arms and flail in protest, but he chuckles, saying this is what I get for cunningly finding a way to exploit him the minute I stepped back into Seoul. 

What can I say? It’s a talent. 

He lets go eventually, and I try to smooth down my already-tangled hair. I grumble incoherently but Jaehyun pulls me into his embrace, wrapping his arms around me. His free hand gently pats the side of my head in comfort.

“Welcome home, sis.”

I stand there stiff for a second before hugging back. He squeezes me tighter and I find myself smiling into his shoulder. 

“Good to be back,” I whisper. 

We stand like that for a moment before he pats my back a couple of times, us pulling away from each other soon after. He reaches behind me to grab my hand luggage as he shoulders my bag. I tell him that I can carry them just fine, but he starts walking away from the platform to the parking lot. I call out after him as I run to catch up, and I can see the corners of his mouth twitch. Jaehyun leads me to his car, a sleek matte-silver convertible Mustang. My mouth drops open in shock at its stunning beauty, my body forcing itself to remain composed for the sake of avoiding public self-embarrassment. 

He throws my luggage in the back seat before he turns to me, smirking at my expression. “You like it?”

“Shit, do I like it? I love it!” I run my fingers over its metallic surface, the silver exterior gleaming in the evening glow. Grinning, I stare up at my brother who catches my gaze as I stand next to the driver’s seat, my fingers already curled on the handle.

“Can I—”

“No.”

“Please—”

“Nope.”

I pout as I pull my hand away and step to the side. Jaehyun chuckles, rubbing my head playfully before getting into the driver’s seat and starting the car. The engine purrs to life as my brother pulls out his shades and wears them. He looks at me and cocks his head to the passenger seat. 

“Don’t just stand there. Get in.”

Smiling, I quickly make my way over to the other side and slip into the passenger seat. I barely have time to buckle in before Jaehyun speeds off. I scream in fright, but he laughs heartily, telling me to let loose.

With the wind harshly whipping around us, I close my eyes and tilt my head upwards, absorbing the remnants of my childhood in a place I’ll always call home. A place where my heart always feels at ease.

My name is Jung Hyuna. I’m eighteen years old, and this is my story.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 |  

[botanyshitposts]

yo so as i have 4 months of doing nothing and an entire uni library worth of books i thought I'd try n teach myself about botany!!! do you have any recommendations on where to start? i know thats pretty open ended, maybe some books you could recommend or something? :0

oh man i get lots of questions on this and the answer is that there are like, a few books on general botany, but from there it depends on what you’re interested in, and in my opinion half of the battle with that is 1. getting the basic knowledge of advanced-ish biology in general to have a basis for it (which many good into botany textbooks will provide in the opening chapters) and 2. knowing which search terms to use to find what you’re looking for. botany as a field is a lot more than just identifying plants; if you want to learn how to identify plants specifically, you want to go looking for plant systematics stuff, or alternatively, floras (more academic) or identification guides (more accessible), which will be different depending on your region!!

that being said, i know i’ve recommended this on here before, but by far the most accessible basic botany text i’ve ever read has to be Life Processes of Plants by Arthur W. Galston. because this one was produced as part of a set of natural history books by the scientific american library, it’s written in a pretty readable style, and although i don’t think it’s as comprehensive as what you would get from a Real Botany Textbook(tm) he does a good job of giving advanced-ish biology context when it’s needed, mostly while talking about molecular stuff, which is soooooo important to understanding ANYTHING about botany, trust me on this one. that being said, it doesn’t go into much detail about plant diversity at all, so again, not perfectly comprehensive, but you know.

(Also, side note about Arthur W. Galston; he was a botanist who was interested throughout his life primarily in how plants respond to light and chemicals. when he was a grad student, he did his thesis on a chemical called 2,3,5-triiodobenzoic acid and its effects on soybean flowering, and recorded and published how it seemed to defoliate the plants at a high enough concentration. this is a completely normal and reasonable thing to study and, quite literally, i cannot stress enough, is no different than the kind of thing botanists studying plant responses research today, because plants are surprisingly chemically complex organisms and it’s just kinda endless in that regard....except that while the Vietnam war came along and the British and US militaries were looking for ways to thin out the Vietnamese jungle, they decided to use his very specific plant research to make the infamous chemical agent orange, which knowingly decimated the environment in Vietnam and, as we now know, causes severe health problems in people who are exposed to it and continues to affect survivors today. not expecting his very specific soybean research to be used by the US military for committing like, you know, war crimes, and obviously finding it really goddamn vile in general, Galston then spent the rest of his life as a bioethicist in addition to being a botanist, and contributed heavily into putting agent orange out of use while he was a professor of botany at yale. the book jacket just gives a blurb saying he was a professor of botany at yale, which again is like, true, but holy shit dude.)

aside from Galston’s book, Raven’s Biology of Plants is a good more traditional textbook. lots of editions of this one, and i’ve seen multiple people swear by it. i got an old edition of this at a half priced bookstore when i was still in high school, and i remember being kind of annoyed that it kept going over exactly what i was concurrently learning in AP biology, which in retrospect is like...actually a very good thing to have going on, lmao. this one is pretty comprehensive and covers a wide range of topics.

the other one that deserves a mention is Asa Gray’s Manual of Botany. this one is VERY OLD and hasn’t had a new release in half a century or so if i remember correctly, but it’s notable because for a long time it was THE textbook of botany. like through the 1800s and half the 1900s. it’s definitely...antiquated compared to our modern understanding of botany, but you can see how things kind of started out, and more striking is seeing what hung on; mostly a lot of like, names for parts and types of flower arrangements and cell types and stuff. looking back through my copy, which was surprisingly easily obtained and is REALLY old to the point where it feels just a little sticky when you touch it (copyright page says 1887), a lot of the first few chapters aren’t too different then what i was taught this past semester in plant systematics in terms of naming basic plant anatomy stuff (petioles, racemes, stipules, carnivorous leaf shapes, types of leaf margins, basic cell types, stuff like that), which is interesting. definitely wouldn’t like, rely on it solely to do botany things today, but something to be noted. my uni’s library has a copy along with a lot of other stuff Asa Gray wrote, which were along the same lines depending on what they were written on.

Anyway. lots of stuff out there. depends on what you want to learn, in the long run.

[radiorenjun]

I Don't Need It

• Pairing: Na Jaemin x Reader

• Genre: Angst, Comedy, Fluff

• Na Jaemin despised the idea of soulmates, he wanted to fight against fate for choosing his soulmate for him. Even if it means his stubborn childhood best friend wouldn't stop trying to make him accept about the similar tattoos on their wrists.

• Masterlist here!

• Chapters: vi, vii

As Jaemin walked to his car to drive to school, he spotted you walking out of your door with a textbook in hand. He raised his hand, his mouth opening to call out your name when the scene from that night flashed through his mind. He sighed at the thought as he watch you walk to the bus stop without sparing a glance in his direction.

'Is she really that upset? It was just an old music box, after all.' Jaemin thought as he got into his car and turned his keys. 'She's just being petty, I bet if I offer her a ride to school. She's gonna go back to square one. Typical y/n," he smiled to himself, remembering the times where you two had arguments and one of the two of you would apologize when Jaemin offered you a ride.

Jaemin drove to catch up with you before you reach the stop, to his surprise, he saw Huang Renjun walking up to you with a bright smile, slinging an arm over your shoulders. Jaemin's blood ran cold at the sight of you smiling and rolling your eyes at the boy.

Jaemin forgot Renjun lived a few houses away from them, then again, he hasn't talked to Renjun much since Renjun left the team to join the arts club. 'What am I doing?' he thought to himself, running a hand through his hair as he let out a heavy sigh, his eyes never leaving the road as he drove by your laughing figures.

'This is what I wanted right? For once I don't have y/n constantly asking bout me or flirting with me or clinging onto me all the time. I should be happy that she finally got it to her head' he told himself. If that's so, why does he feel so empty? Why does he feel like something's missing deep inside of him.

Once he got to the school, he walked to his lockers only to be greeted by Donghyuck, who ran up and slung an arm around his neck. "If it isn't Mr. Na Jaemin." Donghyuck greeted with a cheeky grin as Jaemin smiled in response. "Good morning to you, too, Hyuck." he chuckled.

"I haven't seen you in a while," Hyuck clicked his tongue nonchalantly as they walked side by side, his arm hanging on one of Jaemin's shoulders. "Well if only your boyfriend didn't graduate early, I wouldn't be spending all my time with Coach." Jaemin laughed.

"As much as I am happy that Mark graduated early, I still can't believe he left me to rot here alone with nobody to talk to." he pouted, scrunching his face dramatically. "You're talking to me, though." Jaemin teased. "Exactly, you're a nobody, Mister Na." he deadpanned in response.

Jaemin playfully shoved the boy away from him, eliciting a laugh from the both of them as they walked to Jaemin's locker, spotting Jeno running through his own. "Good morning, Jeno." Jaemin smiled, unlocking his locker beside him.

"Did you two know we had homework on Biology?" Jeno exclaimed frantically, trying to find his textbook. "The one that's worth 5% of our grade? Yep," Hyuck responded with a bright nod. "Fuck, I'm definitely failing this class." Jeno groaned, running a hair through his black hair before shutting his locker.

Jaemin chuckled at his friend's misfortune, shaking his head with a soft "tsk tsk". "Oh lookie here, your future wife is heading this way, Nana." Hyuck teased, using the nickname you had made for him back when you two were 12 years old. "Get ready to feel single, Jeno." he added.

Jeno pointed an accusatory finger at the younger boy, "Hey! Mark graduated, you're gonna feel lonely with me, this time!" making Hyuck stick out his tongue. They were both too busy quarreling to acknowledge Jaemin's empty expression as she passed by them without your usual friendly 'hey'.

But they were shocked to see you walking side by side with your friends, your hand inside Renjun's. "Uh, Jaemin, y/n's right there." Hyuck nudged the boy beside him with his elbow. Jaemin looks up from his gaze at your hand inside Renjun's as you disappeared in the crowd of students.

"What? So?" Jaemin retorted almost defensively, eyes looking everywhere except for his friend who was staring at him in disbelief. "What do you mean 'so' ?! Your girlfriend just walked by without sparing a glance at us! Plus she was holding hands with Renjun," Hyuck exclaimed in disbelief.

"For the billionth time, Hyuck. She's not my girlfriend!" Jaemin spat, annoyance laced in his tone. Hyuck rolled his eyes, "whatever she is, she's holding hands with another guy, dude!" he shot back. Jeno sighed, putting a hand on Hyuck's shoulder, giving him a look of disappointment.

"They had a little fight the other day," Jeno explained briefly. "And she's being petty by giving me the silent treatment," Jaemin growled, shutting his locker and leaning his back against it with a click of his tongue. "What did you do this time?" Hyuck sighed, his expression lightening at the new information.

"Why do you always assume that I'm the one in the wrong?" Jaemin exclaimed, laying a hand on his chest, offended at the accusation. Jeno raised a brow as if to say 'really?', Hyuck giving him a similar look that mirrors Jeno's. Jaemin looks down in guilt, a frown evident on his face as he bit his lip to explain.

"It's not a big deal really. I just told her to leave me along once and for all," Jaemin shrugged as if it was no big deal, looking back at the crowded hall of students. "Not a big deal, my ass. Bro, you also broke her music box without an apology." Jeno stated with a roll of his eyes.

Hyuck's face contorted into a surprised frown, his mouth gaped. "Dude, that's a little harsh, don't you think? She must be genuinely upset to be giving you the silent treatment." Hyuck remarked, his eyes wide in disbelief. "Well at least Jaemin won't be complaining bout her annoying him all the time now that she's ghosting him, right Jae?" Jeno raised a brow at the younger boy.

Jaemin wasn't listening to anything they were saying as his eyes couldn't tear away from the two figures that were you and Renjun talking side by side as you grabbed your stationary from your locker. He felt his chest tightening, aching with a numb pain. What's going on? Why is he feeling this way?

"Jaemin?" Jeno's voice snapped Jaemin back into reality, his eyes widening slightly at the concerned tone as he diverted his gaze back to his friends. "Huh, what?" Jaemin mumbled, trying to ignore the numbing ache in his chest. "You okay?" he asked.

"I don't know, I kinda don't feel well, right now." Jaemin's brows furrowed as he watch you and Renjun walk to class side by side. at the corner of his eye. "We have a few minutes to class, you should go to the Nurse's office." Hyuck advised as he raised his brow in concern.

"Um, alright then," Jaemin nodded, "see you guys later." he waved to his friends before walking to the nurse's office with confusion. What's up with him? He was fine this morning, what's with the sudden pain in his chest?

Unbeknownst to him, his two friends were watching him walking away with concern looks on their faces. "So, I wasn't the only one who saw how sad he looks when he watched Y/n and Renjun right?" Hyuck muttered to Jeno, who nodded in agreement. "That dumbass is gonna have the tables turned, I just wonder what he's gonna do once he realizes that a human heart can't pratically live without the love of his soulmate." Jeno chuckled.

Jaemin was scrolling through social media when you entered the class, his eyes wandered up for a small moment to give you a short glance, examining your figure standing on the doorway as if you haven't been attending the same class for three years.

His eyes quickly went down to his phone when he saw your head turn to his direction, walking right towards him. 'Of course, she's still gonna sit next to me.' he chuckled internally to himself, 'that's typical of her.' he thought.

He felt your presence close to his when you passed by him to sit at the empty seat at the back of the class. He frowned slightly, quickly masking it with a stoick expression as he hears the not so subtle chatters and whispers of his name and y/n's spilling from his classmates' mouth.

"Wait, y/n's not sitting next to Jaemin?"

"Did they have a fight or something?"

"Come to think of it, she skipped class with Renjun yesterday"

"Did she finally had enough?"

"Probably. Poor girl has been at it for two years!"

"Yikes, that's pretty harsh. No wonder she didn't even spare him a glance"

"Have you seen her left wrist? They say-"

"Good morning, class!" Mrs. Choi announced with a bright voice as she entered the class, silencing the whole students in a second. "Let's start today's lesson shall we? Open your textbooks to page 127," she smiled, raising her own copy of the textbook.

Jaemin turned his head to see you busy with opening your textbook and notes, flipping your pen in between your fingers. He quickly turned his head around as the teacher started explaining, opening his own textbook with a small pout on his face.

'Why didn't you come and sit next to him?' he pondered as he tried to advert his eyes to the whiteboard, watching you from the corner of his eye. A part of him wanted you to at least glance at him, make eye contact, anything.

But you didn't. Not even for a split second, it was as if you couldn't see him. As if you two hadn't known each other your whole lives. As if you were both strangers. Jaemin felt a slight ache in his chest, his hand stretching out to lay right on top of his heart.

He took a deep breath, his heart beat in his ears as Mrs. Choi's voice became muffled. It hurt. He doesn't know why, but his chest was hurting and he wants it to stop. It was similar to the pain when he lost on his first game and had an F on Chemistry on the same day. Yet, it was so different. It felt like his chest was actually being poked with tiny needles.

In a blink of an eye, the sound of the bell dismissing entered his ears, snapping him out of his thoughts as the pain subsided. Jaemin turned to see the students around him packing up and leaving class, causing him to jolt up and shove his textbook in his bag.

He felt y/n squeeze herself behind him, quickly leaving the class. Jaemin didn't know why but his feet quickly moved towards her, slinging his halfly zipped bag over his shoulder. His mouth opened as he reached the entrance, ready to call out your name.

His figure froze when he watched you walk up to none other than Huang Renjun. Jaemin's eyes watched as his arm slung around your shoulders, the sweet smile on your face as Renjun whispered something against your ear, eliciting a small laugh from you as the two of you walked to the exit.

Jaemin stared at the two of you with a blank expression. His pupils shaking upon your figures being pressed up against each other. His hand gripping the saddle of his bag that was slung over his shoulder tightly. He wanted to apologize for his actions and offer you a ride home, but his body wouldn't move when he caught Renjun's arm slung over your shoulder so casually.

So affectionately.

Jaemin broke his glare when he felt a slight burning sensation on his wrist. He jolted and hissed at the sharp pain as he pulled back his left sleeve, tugging down the watch to see his soulmate tattoo glowing a dimly blood red, his chest had an ugly feeling piercing his heart.

Jaemin clicked his tongue before heading to the bathroom. His wrist felt like it was burning, it felt scorching hot. Why was it burning? Jaemin acted on instinct and ran his wrist under the tap of cold running water, ignoring his underclassmen passing by and greeting him as they walked out of the boy's bathroom.

Jaemin rubbed the sore spot, his mind remembering the way Renjun's arm slung over your shoulder, laughing alongside you. And your smile. He doesn't remember the last time you smiled that wide for him, Jaemin hissed at the increasing pain on his wrist.

Jaemin winced and jolted as he felt as if something was stabbing him repeatedly in the chest, he slide down the walls of the now empty bathroom. He took silent deep breaths to try to calm himself, running a hand through his hair in distress.

What's going on?

"Day 3 of Huang Renjun being extra nice to the poor girl who's bout to be single for the rest of her life, what will he do today?" you spoke in a way a news reporter would, holding your fist up to your mouth to act as a microphone as you walked towards Renjun who was waiting for you outside of class.

"Shut up, you're saying that I can't be nice to my dearest best friend?" Renjun teased, slinging an arm around your shoulder as you both walked out of the entrance. "Its definitely abnormal to see you restraining yourself to not flick me on the forehead whenever I do something stupid." you shrugged.

You felt the boy flick your forehead gently, causing you to let out a small yelp. "Happy?" Renjun smiled sweetly, as your hand went up to rub the slightly sore spot on your forehead. "Very," you rolled your eyes at him as he let's out a light chuckle.

At the corner of Renjun's eye, he saw Jaemin not far behind you two. His head was looking down at his wrist, his hand tugging down the sleeves. Renjun assumed he was taking a look at his soulmate mark, a frown evident on the younger boy's face.

Renjun almost felt bad. Jaemin seemed like a lost puppy, standing all by himself as students walked away. But yet again, he felt anger towards the boy to be so immature as to hurt someone he was suppose to cherish with all his life.

"So how was being in class with Mr. Heart breaker?" Renjun spoke after a moment of silence, averting his eyes back to you. You gasped at the nickname, "don't say it like that! You're making it seem as if he was some sort of school fuckboy." you scolded, landing a smack square on his chest.

Renjun laughed before you spoke in a quiet tone, "alot of people were talking bout us when I entered the class without screaming his name and clinging onto him like a koala," you shrugged casually. "He's probably upset even more now that people are talking bout how distant I've been towards him," you added with a heavy sigh.

Renjun patted your head softly, nodding in sympathy. "It'll all blow over soon. After all, you were always dramatic with your actions when it comes to Jaemin." he chuckled as you both entered the ice cream shop, walking up to the counter. "Shut up, Huang." you mumbled with a pout.

"Welcome to Weishen Ice Cream Shop, how may I help you two, today?" the cashier smiled as he came up to the counter, wiping his hand on a wet rag. You recognize him as Qian Kun, he would always give you free ice cream whenever you're down in the dumps.

"Hey Kun," you smiled as Renjun pulled out his wallet behind you. "Y/n, Renjun, pleasure to see you as always." Kun nodded with a charming smile as you started placing your orders, paying for your own ice cream after a brief argument bout who's paying.

"How's Jaemin? I haven't seen him around recently," Kun asked as he scoops up the ice-cream into the neon yellow cup. You tensed at the name, recalling Jaemin's words that night. You muster up a small smile, ignoring Renjun's concerned gaze as you reply.

"He's fine. Haven't seen him in a while either." you shrugged as Kun handed you your ice-cream. "Well, if you see him, tell him to come by. I missed that guy," Kun said with a soft pause in between sentences, sensing the tension in the air once he brought up the teenage boy.

"Shameless self advertising again, old man?" Renjun chuckled as he grabs a spoon off the counter. Kun blinked, pointing the metal ice cream scoop dramatically at Renjun, "Who are you calling old man? I just gave you cheap ice cream and this is how you treat me, Renjun? You should respect your elders, you brat." he jokes.

You giggled as Renjun stuck his tongue out at the older man, you pulled him away before Kun could jump over the counter and start whacking him with the ice cream scoop. "You're so immature sometimes," you laughed as you sat down on one of the booths by the windowsill.

Renjun rolled his eyes with a soft smile, shoving his ice-cream into your mouth to prevent anymore insults from spilling out of your mouth. Unbeknownst to the  two of you, Lee Donghyuck and Lee Jeno were walking side by side to go to an arcade, spotting you and Renjun from across the street through the window.

“Jeno!” Donghyuck halted his movements once his eyes adverted to your laughing figures. “What?” Jeno asked, halting beside the younger boy to turn to see where Donghyuck was pointing at. “Look! Is that who I think it is?” Hyuck exclaimed as Jeno’s eye caught you and Renjun sitting infront of each other in that old ice cream shop, watching as Renjun flicked you on the forehead with a laugh, watching a pout form oon your expression.

“Is that Renjun? And Y/n” Jeno asked, squinting his eyes to make sure he wasn’t seeing things. “It looks like they’re on some kind of date,” he added as Hyuck clicked his tongue. “I knew they were close but i didn’t think they were this close,” Hyuck gaped, watching as the two of you continued on with your conversation without a bother in the world.

“Do you think they’re-” he asked, only to be cut off. “No, that’s not possible.” Jeno spoke rather abruptly, his mind flashing back to his best friend. “The soulmate system allows you to have romantic feelings only towards the person you’re bonded with.” he added with a serious tone. Hyuck rolled his eyes at his statement.

“Then what do you call that dense best friend of yours?” he asked, raising a brow at him. “For all the years I’ve known him, he doesn’t seem to show the slightest care for the poor girl, she has the right to feel loved too, you know. Even when it’s from someone else,” Hyuck snapped. 

Hyuck cares bout you. He really does. Not because you always lend him homework answers and notes when he asked, not because of the many talks you two had whenever he had some problems with Mark, but because you were like the sister he never had. Seeing the pain in your eyes whenever Jaemin turns you down was a painful sight to see, he wants you to be happy. 

“Hyuck, Jaemin cares bout her deep down. I know he does. He’s just too stubborn to admit it. I’ve known Jaemin longer than you have, he does like her, trust me. He’s just to stupid to realize.” Jeno sighed, shaking his head profusely at the thought of his best friend. Deep down, Jeno wasn’t even sure what he said was true. He’s heard of the controversial rumour surrounding the soulmate system.

That when the system is rigged, people can have feelings for others that they can’t have.Those whose feelings are reciprocated by someone that aren’t their soulmates were just a sign of God attempting to fix the mistake. No one knows what would happen to those whose feelings aren’t reciprocated. Rumors said that there was a possibility that they vanish into thin air out of despair and heartbreak, some say they were doomed to live the rest of their life feeling loveless.

Others say they consult into more...

Terrifying inhumane methods.

Jeno shuddered at the thought, shaking his head to shake away the horrifying thoughts of what would come to Jaemin and Y/N if this keeps happening. He didn’t want to know what was going to happen if this keeps happening.

“I just hope you’re right, Jen.” 

This is NOT proofread hehe.

Tagging: @morks-watermelon @cherrystay @lowkeyviv @candiednickles @btm-taeyong @d-nghyck @gothmingguk @12am-musings @luvlyjaemin @cowward