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#so i will leave it for someone more knowledgeable than i
a-b-riddle · 2 days
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In the mood to write angst. Imagine you’re the conscientious observer who accidentally sees how your team talks about you behind your back.
Your morals were… complicated. You didn’t believe in killing anyone. Your faith told you that killing someone is wrong and even if it’s to save your life, handling a gun is something that doesn’t sit well with you. You’ve been to gun ranges. Mandatory for your position in the military that you have basic fire arm knowledge. But having something in your hands that could so easily take a life made you uneasy.
You were pescatarian, but tried to limit meat. Cried anytime you saw chickens in those trucks heading toward their demise. You fed stray cats around your house back home. You tried to be kind and cherished life in all most of its forms. The exception being garlic butter shrimp that was too good to give up and anytime of bug resembling a cock roach. And yes, palmetto bugs were still cock roaches.
And wasps.
Fuck wasps.
At the same time, you were pro-choice. Initially, you were pro-choice for other women, but you didn’t think you would have the strength to get an abortion. It wasn’t until you were holding your friend’s hand as she got her D&C that your views on your own body autonomy changed. It didn’t have to be medical to be necessary.
But you still refused to hold a weapon. Which is why even though you were a very talented medic, you were always judged for not carrying any sort of defense while in the field.
But no one on base would dare say anything to you about it. At least not to your face…
You got stuck instructing a training seminar when your phone continued to buzz in your back pocket. But even with the consistent messages, you didn’t falter by showing the newest members how to give basic first aid until health could arrive.
Nearly two hours later, you finally fish your phone out to see what’s going on.
Dozens of text messages in a group chat between you, Captain Price, Johnny, Kyle and Simon. You had gotten close to them over the last few months. You were halfway through your contract and were already dreading leaving knowing they were staying behind until the job is done.
You open it, your phone taking you to the first unread message.
Cpt.: Hows the arm healing up?
Soap: Fine. Hen did a good job of keeping the sutures nice and even. Should barely scar.
Gaz: Wouldn’t have a scar if she just fucking carried.
Soap: You think she honestly would even know what to do with a gun if you gave her one Garrick 😂
Ghost: Still think she’s a liability. Someone who won’t raise arms against an enemy isn’t meant to be on the team.
Cpt: Already tried. Laswell says we need the numbers. As long as she does her job there’s nothing I can do. We can’t be down a medic and it’s either her or nothing.
You shook as you continued reading the conversation.
Liability. Coward. It went on and on about how weak you were. Why couldn’t you just carry a small pistol instead of expecting everyone else to keep you safe.
It then switched to your personality. No one should be that happy. Annoying. A yapper. Couldn’t get a word in most of the time.
On and on they went until you realized they spoke so freely because they didn’t realize you were in this group chat. What did they say when you weren’t around?
You felt like a fool having extending more than just trying to be a civil coworker, but a friend. Taking on tasks that weren’t your responsibility simply to help them.
Getting a floral arrangement delivered for Johnny’s sister after she had given birth. Talking on the phone to the nursing home where Price’s mother resided trying to sort out her insurance. Taking priority Kyle when he was injured after falling out of a plane (both times) over your other patients. And always having the electric kettled going in the morning so Simon could have his tea without waiting too long.
You were helpful. Just because you had one boundary didn’t mean their words held any merit. But still you couldn’t help the deep feeling of just… betrayal? Rejection? You weren’t sure there was a word fitting enough to sum up how utterly stupid you felt.
Maybe they were right. This wasn’t a civilian setting. This wasn’t just life and death for your patients, but for you. You were out in the field with no form of protection except from others.
You weren’t abandoning your morals. You couldn’t. Not when every fiber of your being told you to remain steadfast. There was only one solution.
You didn’t have much to pack. Uniform was issued to you. Your stethoscope and some other tools came out of your own pocket. Your laptop, phone, charges. You packed all your lounging clothes and miraculously everything fit into a military duffle. Which wasn’t actually anything impressive given how big those things are.
You were confident in your decision even if it made you feel like a failure.
As you stood outside the office door you returned back to the group chat. One by one you proceeded to block all of them. You knew when you left the group they would know that the notification would pop up and they either wouldn’t give a shit that you finally knew what the actually thought of you or they tried messaging you to make amends to cover their asses. You weren’t sure which was worse.
Once you had blocked the last one, you left and knocked on the door that you had been idling in front of. A faint ‘come in’ was granted before you walked through.
“Hey, Kate.” You greeted. “Can we talk?”
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writingsofwesteros · 2 days
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All of these thoughts are delicious, but I can immediately imagine it being Viserys. His daughter with Alicent was always ambitious, though this particular occurance was born from the necessity to protect her family. They had all seen just how little their father cared for them when it came to his prized daughter and it was enough to create a divide within the family, a deep cavern that would be nearly impossible to fill. Alicent's daughter learned from the world around her, always more of an observer than an actual player in life's game, a fact that made her a different type of dangerous. Perhaps if she were interested in someone that could match her head on, she would've paired herself with Larys, or more appropriately, Aemond. But alas, her cunningness led her down the path of "greatness", as in the words of Otto Hightower.
Borrowing a trick from her mother, the daughter hatches a plan to strengthen her claim to their father's heart and secure their future through seizing the throne. She feels like a cheap whore the way she dumbs herself down to pretend like she wasn't vastly more knowledgeable than Viserys in regards to their history, or any other subject as he seemed to be severly lacking in several areas. It takes no time for her to worm her way into his bed, playing innocent and allowing him to mount her the first few times, moaning wantonly and clinging to him like he was her only lifeline. As he thrusts inside her desperately, all she can do is feel self satisfied over her amazing acting skills. It was evident that Viserys never remembered anything regarding Alicent's children, especially since it was a big ordeal within the castle when the servants had found blood on her sheets from an unexpected late night hook up with Aegon in their youth. Even after facing Alicent's wrath and ridicule, that didn't stop them from enjoying the occasional romp.
One night she whispers cutely to Viserys that she had recieved a dirty book from her handmaiden and wished to test out the position. He was immediately on board, though worried about how his "innocent" daughter would fare doing something so lewd. He's quickly shut up when she ties him down like a professional and wastes no time slowly torturing him with the thought of fucking her. She blindfolds him and rubs her tits in his face, climbing on the bed and teasingly rubbing his red cock through her folds and chuckling when he attempts to enter her. Alicent's daughter isn't going to let him get away with treating her the way he did her mother when she is his new wife, teaching him patience and making him eat her out from behind, her creamy pussy suffocating him. She doesn't let him get a break, making him work hard to learn her sensitive areas and the quickest way to make her cum.
Once she believes he is decent enough at the job, she slowly slides his cock in her sensitive pussy and gives him the ride of his life. His fragile heart stutters as she fucks his cock in and out of her tight cunt as if she had to rush to do something after she finished. His poor cock is abused by her tight grip and unrelenting pace, Viserys swearing his daughter is going to snap his cock in half with her vigorous movements, though says nothing and enjoys his slice of heaven. Alicent's daughter is going through it as she finally takes the liberty of fucking him, honestly feeling disgusted yet turned on by how submissive she had him already. She always loved when Aegon would let her take her frustration out on him instead of their usual wrestling match that left the servants extra busy come cleaning time. Feeling him start to pulse inside her helps bring her closer to her edge as her plan is that much closer to being achieved and she races to the finish line by swirling her fingers around her clit.
Alicent's daughter fucks him like he's her bitch a few more times before untying him and leaving him covered in their combined juices, his face red from embarrassment and vision blurry as he watches her slip her dress on and walk out like nothing had happened, his cum dripping from her cunt still. Viserys can't tell if he got punked, but he definitely knows that 1. He's not unhappy she fucked him so hard he wasn't able to walk to dinner, and 2. He's going to definitely need to marry her since it's obvious he wouldn't be able to stop thinking about her after that night 👑💀
SO DELICIOUS !!
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mythicalmaven · 10 hours
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Beyond Boundaries - Oscar Piastri (PART ELEVEN)
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Masterlist ↳pairing: oscar piastri x female!norris!reader ↳word count: 3,5K ↳chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, ↳chapter warnings: friends to lovers, brothers teammate trope, angst, talking about feelings
↳series summary: Since Oscar joined McLaren as your brother’s teammate, you two have quickly become best friends. Recently promoted to be Oscar’s physiotherapist, you both relish the opportunity to spend more time together. However, as the new role brings you closer, you both realize you might be feeling more a little more for each other than just friendship
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*Saturday, April 6th*
It was early in the morning when Oscar found himself seated in the meeting room. He wasn't alone, you, Zak & Sophie from the media team where there too. It was time for Oscar to get introduced to the one girl he absolutely did not want to meet. The one he was supposed to fake a relationship with.
The reason as to why you were there too, was Zak. He said something about it being important that you would meet the girl too, considering Oscar and you spend a lot of time together being his trainer. Zak pointed out that it would be practical for you to know some of the ins and outs as well.
Oscar looked around the room, his eyes landing on you, pressing his lip together. Almost as if he was silently apologizing to you, trying to not be obvious about the hidden knowledge between the two of you.
It was then when the door opened, a man and a woman walking in. She looked kind, she actually did. She was tall, skinny, had a slightly tanned skin & long brown locks. You could easily tell they tried to find someone with similar features to you, probably to make it more believable that it was her in those leaked pictures. She was pretty, very pretty. In your opinion, a lot more beautiful than you were. It stung a little, if you were being honest with yourself.
Oscar felt bad for you, for himself, but also for the other girl. Wondering if something similar brought her into this as well.
Zak's eyes lit up, a professional smile spreading across his lips. He stood up from his seat, gesturing to the man and woman to take a seat.
"Oscar, Sophie, Y/n, this is Ava, the lovely lady we told you about" he started, looking briefly at the lady. His eyes then shifted to the man next to her "And this is her manager, Liam" he continued.
Ava smiled kindly at all of you, first leaning over the table to hold her hand out to Oscar. He shook her hand and send her a polite smile "Nice to meet you, I'm Oscar, but you probably already knew that" he said, a small chuckle leaving his lips.
The brunette returned a smile "Likewise" she spoke, before moving her attention over to Sophie, introducing herself to her as well, before shifting her attention to you.
She held out her hand, her nails perfectly manicured. When you took her hand and shook it. She send you a smile.
"Nice to meet you!" you weakly spoke, your tone kind, but laced with an uncertainty "I'm Y/n, I'm Oscar's trainer and physio"
"That's lovely" she spoke with an honest smile.
"So, Liam and I have already talked a bit about what could be a plan" Sophie started, clearly not the one to have came up with this fake dating plan. She sounded as if she only said these things, because she had to.
Liam nodded, a smile on his face "We were thinking it might be a good start for Ava to be in the McLaren motorhome tomorrow during the grand prix. Maybe wearing something that's Oscar's, like a bracelet" he started, his attention shifting to Ava "Then maybe after the race, we could arrange for Oscar to walk by you briefly, maybe brushing your hands or him quickly hugging before he walks on?"
Oscar looked at Sophie and Liam, his breath catching in his throat. Not in a good way, but in a way that made him realize how real this all was getting "Y-Yeah.. sure"
Ava nodded "Sure, I think that could work"
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Oscar sat on the edge of the small couch in his driver's room, hands clasped loosely in his lap as he glanced at Ava. She was perched on the other end, her posture relaxed but attentive. Her kind smile didn't quite reach her eyes, though, and Oscar could tell she was just as unsure about this arrangement as he was.
"So," he started, breaking the silence that had settled between them. "This is... definitely a strange situation to be in."
Ava let out a soft laugh, nodding. "You can definitely say that, yes. It's not every day you agree to fake date someone you barely know."
Oscar's lips twitched into a small, half-hearted smile. "True. I mean, I get why it's necessary, but it's still... weird." He paused, choosing his words carefully. "Did you get into this in the same way?"
She tilted her head, considering his question. "Something like that. It's complicated, I guess."
Oscar nodded, his mind flashing to the conversation with his manager, the pressure of the rumors swirling around him and you. But he didn't want to get into all that. Not with Ava, not yet.
"Yeah, I get that," he said, leaning back a little. "I'm sure we both have our reasons for agreeing to this."
Ava's smile softened. "I'm not really one for drama, to be honest. But sometimes you just have to play along, right?"
Oscar chuckled lightly. "Yeah, exactly. I'm not a fan of all this PR stuff, either. But, I guess it's part of the job sometimes."
They shared a brief, understanding look, the tension between them easing slightly. Ava shifted, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "So, how do you want to play this?"
Oscar rubbed the back of his neck, thinking. "Well, we don't have to overdo it. Just enough to make it believable. We can show up together to events, act friendly—like we're getting to know each other. I don't think anyone expects us to be all over each other."
"Agreed," Ava said, relief in her voice. "I think we should just be ourselves, but maybe add a bit more... I don't know, closeness? Like we're actually interested in each other."
Oscar nodded. "Yeah, that makes sense. We don't want it to look obviously fake."
They fell into a comfortable silence for a moment, the awkwardness from earlier gradually fading. Oscar found himself relaxing a bit more around her. She was easy to talk to, and he appreciated her straightforwardness. Though she was not you.
"Have you ever done anything like this before?" Ava asked, her tone light but curious.
He shook his head, a small smile tugging at his lips. "No, this is a first for me. Feels a bit like acting, doesn't it?"
Ava laughed softly. "Yeah, but without a script. We'll have to improvise."
"I'm not great at improvising," Oscar admitted with a playful grin.
"Well, good thing I'm here then, perks of being an actress" Ava teased gently. "I'll cover for you."
"Thanks," he said, his smile growing. "I appreciate that."
They lapsed into another easy silence, and Oscar found himself feeling grateful that Ava wasn't making this harder than it needed to be. Despite the odd circumstances, she seemed genuinely kind, and that put him at ease.
"Let's just take it one step at a time," Ava said finally. "We'll figure this out."
"Yeah," Oscar agreed. "One step at a time."
As they sat there, sharing a quiet moment in the midst of all the chaos outside, Oscar couldn't help but think that maybe this wouldn't be so bad. As long as he could keep things clear between them—and with the reader—he could get through this. And, with any luck, things would settle down soon enough.
After that they spend some time getting to know each other, just so it wouldn't be awkward when they would have to do interviews. He learned that Ava was 22 years old and born in Australia, but moved to the UK at a young age, something Oscar and her had in common. Ava told Oscar that she had started acting when she was just a kid, so she kinda rolled her way in it when she was young.
Oscar, on his turn, told her about his hobbies outside of F1. He told her about you. Explaining that you have been best friends for a while, leaving out the detail of your feelings for each other. Not wanting to break his promise to you.
"She's the girl you hooked up with according to the media, right?" she asked, honestly interested.
Oscar stayed silent, but did give her a soft nod.
"That explains the awkward look you both had in the meeting" she replied with a laugh "Let me guess, shit-faced drunk?"
Oscar laughed "Pretty much covers it, yes" he stated, scratching the back of his neck.
Ava send him a compassionate smile, folding her hands in her lap "So, let me get this straight" she started, a chuckle leaving her lips "The girl you kissed is not only your trainer, she's also your best friend. And to top it off, she's also your teammates sister"
Oscar shrugged "Yep"
"Yeah, that makes it all a whole lot more complicated" she laughed.
Ava then leaned back on the couch a little, looking back up at Oscar "Before I forget to ask. Liam mentioned that it maybe would be smart to discuss our boundaries. You know, considering the things we have to do. Affectionate wise"
Oscar looked back at the other Aussie, then shifting his gaze to his lap. Time for the awkward stuff, he thought.
"I'm fine with anything to be honest, I'm used to it all considering my job. So if you're up for it, I'm fine with kissing, if that helps convince the public eye"
Oscar felt a tight knot forming in his stomach as Ava brought up the topic of boundaries. He shifted uncomfortably, his fingers playing with the hem of his shirt as he avoided her gaze. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be convincing in this whole fake dating scenario—it was just that every time he thought about doing anything more than the basics, guilt hit him like a punch to the gut. Your face flashed in his mind, and he swallowed hard.
“Yeah, um,” he started, voice a little shaky, “I guess we should talk about that.”
Ava nodded, her expression calm and open. “I know this is weird, and I’m not exactly thrilled about the idea of putting on a show either, but if we’re going to do this, we should be on the same page.”
He took a deep breath, trying to gather his thoughts. “I’m… I’m kind of socially awkward, to be honest. I mean, I’m fine with doing some stuff, like, a hug or holding hands maybe. A kiss on the cheek is okay too, I guess. But anything more than that—” He hesitated, his heart thudding in his chest. “I just… I don’t know.”
Ava tilted her head slightly, her eyes gentle. “That’s fine, Oscar. We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with. This whole thing is just acting, right? We can take it slow, one step at a time.”
He glanced at her, grateful for her understanding. But even as she spoke, he couldn’t help but feel like he was betraying you. You hadn’t exactly defined what you were, but the thought of pretending to be with someone else, even just for show, made his chest ache.
“Thanks,” he mumbled, looking down at his lap. “It’s just… complicated, you know?”
Ava seemed to pick up on his unease, leaning forward slightly. “Hey, I get it. Really. But you can trust me, okay? I’m not here to make things harder for you. We’ll go at your pace. And if it ever gets too much, just let me know, and we’ll dial it back.”
Her words were sincere, and he found himself relaxing a little, but the nagging feeling of guilt still lingered. He knew she was right—it was just acting, and it didn’t mean anything. But deep down, the idea of kissing Ava, even if it was just for show, felt wrong. Like he was betraying something fragile and precious between the two of you.
“But, if you’re up for it,” Ava continued cautiously, “a real kiss could help sell it. But only if you’re okay with it. We don’t have to, Oscar. Not if you don’t want to.”
Oscar sighed, running a hand through his hair. He knew she was just trying to be professional about the whole thing, but it still felt like a rock was sitting on his chest. “I know, it probably is… I just have to think about it, I guess. It’s not that I don’t want to be convincing, it’s just—”
“You’re not comfortable with it,” Ava finished for him gently. “That’s okay. We can stick to hugs, holding hands and kissing each others cheek.”
“Thanks,” he muttered, giving her a weak smile. “I appreciate that.”
"I just suggested it, since in the pictures that got leaked, it all seemed pretty intense. So I thought, that might sell it a little better, but.." Ava smiled back, her eyes soft. “We’ll figure this out, Oscar. Just remember, this is all for show. It doesn’t mean anything.”
He nodded, though he couldn’t quite shake the unease. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but he also couldn’t ignore the guilt gnawing at him. He needed to tread carefully, not just for the sake of the act, but for the sake of whatever it was between you and him. And maybe, just maybe, he could get through this without messing everything up.
"I gotta go now, tho. Liam needed me for something around this time" Ava spoke as she looked at her phone, her voice soft and understanding.
"Yeah, of course. Thanks again" Oscar replied, not moving from his spot on the couch.
Ava stood up, but not before bending down over the couch, kissing Oscar gently on his cheek "Well, see you later, boyfriend" she said, before sending him a cheeky wink and leaving the room.
*Later that day*
A few hours had passed, and you found yourself sprawled out on the couch in Lando's hotel room. The evening had been spent in casual conversation with your brother over dinner, discussing random topics that flitted in and out of your minds. But now, the silence in the room was thick, heavy with unspoken words. Lando had noticed your shift in behavior, the way you’d grown quieter, more introspective, and it was starting to concern him.
He watched you carefully, his brow furrowed with worry. The quiet stretched on, and eventually, he broke it, his voice gentle but insistent. “You know you can always talk to me if something’s bothering you, right? That’s what big brothers are for,” he pointed out, his eyes soft as they searched your face for a clue.
You swallowed hard, your gaze darting away from his. The guilt gnawed at you, the weight of the secret you’d been keeping pressing down on your chest. Lando knew some things, sure, but he didn’t know the whole truth about you and Oscar. The part where you and Oscar had crossed that line from friends to something more, something you hadn’t been ready to share with anyone else yet. And keeping that from Lando, of all people, made you feel terrible.
“You’ve just been different,” Lando continued, his voice dropping to a near whisper, tinged with the slightest hint of disappointment. “You’re so silent. Normally, you always tell me everything. Is it the whole fake-dating thing that Oscar has to do?”
Your breath hitched, and you felt a pang of anxiety ripple through you. “No?” The word slipped out, but it sounded more like a question than the firm denial you wished it could be.
Lando rolled his eyes, a hint of exasperation creeping into his tone. “Who are you trying to convince? Me, or yourself?” he pointed out, leaning back slightly as he observed you with that perceptive gaze of his.
You sighed deeply, sinking into the couch in defeat. There was no point in pretending anymore; Lando could always see right through you. “Ugh, fine,” you huffed, taking a deep breath to steady yourself. “To answer your question... Technically, no, but also yes.”
Lando raised an eyebrow at you, silently urging you to elaborate. The way he looked at you, with that mixture of concern and patience, made it even harder to keep things hidden. Another sigh escaped your lips as you met his gaze, knowing you couldn’t hold back anymore.
“I get why he has to do it,” you began, your voice low and tinged with frustration. “The reasoning behind it makes sense. Besides, it means nothing—it’s just a business deal.”
Lando nodded slowly, waiting for you to continue. He could sense there was more, much more, that you needed to get off your chest.
“But…” you trailed off, your voice catching in your throat. You hesitated, the words feeling heavy on your tongue. Admitting it out loud made it all too real, and that terrified you. But Lando was patient, his presence steady and comforting, like an anchor you could cling to in the storm of your emotions.
“But it’s complicated,” you finally said, your voice trembling slightly. “Oscar and I… We’ve been trying things. We decided to give it a shot, you know, without labels. And it felt great, Lando. It really did. But then, not even a week later, this whole fake dating thing comes up, and it just… sucks.”
Lando’s expression softened even more, and he leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees as he listened intently. You could see the concern in his eyes, but there was also an unspoken encouragement there, urging you to keep going.
“It sucks because… because I wish things weren’t so complicated,” you continued, your hands wringing together in your lap as you struggled to put your feelings into words. “He’s your teammate, I’m your sister, and we work together. It’s already a mess. And now with this PR stunt… I can’t help but wish I could just allow myself to fully be his. But I can’t. It’s like… I’m holding myself back.”
Lando reached out, placing a reassuring hand on your shoulder. His touch was warm, comforting, and it made you feel a little less alone in your confusion. “You’re in love with him,” he stated softly, more of a realization than a question.
You nodded, your eyes stinging with the threat of tears. “Yeah, I am. Honestly, I’m so in love with Oscar. But I’m scared, Lando. Scared of what happens if we make it real. What if it all goes wrong?”
Lando’s thumb brushed gently against your shoulder, a small gesture that carried so much understanding. “You know, sometimes things are worth the risk,�� he said, his voice low and thoughtful. “If you’re both feeling this way, then it’s real, with or without a label. And sometimes, putting a label on it doesn’t change anything—it just makes it easier to define what you have.”
You looked at him, biting your lip as you considered his words. “Maybe,” you murmured, “but it’s still scary. And then there’s Zak, and the team… I just don’t want to make things harder for Oscar.”
“Have you thought about talking to Zak?” Lando suggested gently. “Maybe it wouldn’t be as big of a deal as you think. And Oscar’s strong, he can handle this. You don’t have to carry it all on your own.”
You nodded slowly, the idea swirling in your mind. Maybe Lando was right. Maybe talking to Zak could ease some of the pressure. But there was still that gnawing insecurity that wouldn’t leave you alone.
“I thought about it, but I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do. Also, the PR thing might be the solution to, you know, fix things,” you said, your voice dropping to a whisper. “I understand why it’s necessary, and I don’t mind it too much, not really. But it still sucks. It sucks to see the person you love having to act like that in front of the cameras with someone who’s not you. Someone who’s way prettier, someone who wouldn’t make everything so complicated.”
Lando’s eyes softened, and he squeezed your shoulder gently. “Are you afraid he’ll fall for her during this PR stunt? That you’ll lose him?”
You let out a shaky breath, the question hitting closer to home than you wanted to admit. “I guess I am,” you whispered. “I definitely trust him. I know he wouldn’t do anything, but… I’d understand if he did. It would be less complicated with someone like her, and besides, we don’t have any labels. He doesn’t owe me anything.”
Lando shook his head slightly, his expression firm. “Oscar is head over heels for you, sis. I’ve seen the way he looks at you—there’s no way he’d want to look at anyone else like that. Not even for a second.”
His words wrapped around you like a warm blanket, soothing the cold fears that had been gnawing at you. You took a deep breath, letting the tension in your shoulders ease just a little. “Thanks, Lando,” you murmured, your voice soft and full of gratitude.
“Anytime,” he replied, pulling you into a gentle hug. You rested your head against his shoulder, finding comfort in the steady rhythm of his breathing. The conversation wasn’t easy, but it had been necessary, and now, with Lando’s support, you felt a little more prepared to face whatever came next.
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Taglist @aceyalonso @saachiep81 @landosgirlxoxo @andruuu28 @il0vereadingstuff @silentreader128 @edixttor
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vermilionsun · 1 day
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hellooo, i really love the headcanons u write 4 touchstarved. i totally understand if ur uncomfortable writing about this, so no pressure. but if ur okay with it, i’d be curious to see how the lis (whichever u prefer, but preferably leander or someone with a visible scar ><) would react to an mc with sh scars.
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TW! Implied self–harm [as per the request] Let’s start with the basics; this is not romanticising sh in any way, shape or form—I believe it’s obvious
If anyone ever feels the need to let something out of their chest/venting, or even chit-chat about this and that, my messages are and will remain open <3
And always remember; Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
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𝓐𝓲𝓼
✩ He didn't mean to see them. He wasn't trying to look for them.
✩ His eyes widened slightly before narrowing again. The subtle shift in his expression betrayed his thoughts as he debated whether or not to acknowledge what he saw.
✩ "What are those?" Not subtle, not discreet, straight to the point. "How did they happen?" he asked, his tone blunt but oddly caring.
✩ He took a step forward, and then another, standing so close that he could easily reach out and touch them. "Listen, I'm not gonna judge you or anything. I just wanna know…”
✩ He’s worried as fuck
✩ but remains as calm as can be, letting them take their time
✩ He took it upon himself to make sure the scars were healing properly (with what little knowledge he had from helping Kuras)
𝓚𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓼
✞ His eyes narrow minutely. He doesn’t show any sign of fear or disgust, and that somehow is even more alarming than it would’ve been if he had. The expression on his face is almost blank.
✞ His tone remains even, betraying nothing of his thoughts or emotions. Something in his stare is just the slightest bit piercing, however. He’s assessing them, studying all of the details of their form and expression. He’s… unnervingly perceptive. He keeps just barely out of arm's reach.
✞ His coat rustles as he gently reaches out, like he’s trying not to startle a small wild animal. A single long, slender finger traces one of the scars. "My. That is serious scarification. How did it happen?" He asks, as if he doesn't already know the answer. Or maybe he does, and he just doesn't want to believe it.
✞ He will push for an answer.
✞ There’s a long, heavy silence. A flicker of understanding clouds his expression. "Why?" The sharp tone melts away, replaced by gentleness.
✞ He lets out a tired sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose, all the tension leaving his body. For that moment, the mask of the competent, emotionless doctor falters, and he suddenly looks older, more worn-down, more vulnerable.
✞ "Don't… I've heard the same story far too many times."
𝓛𝓮𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓻
🗡"Hey, what are those from?" His expression remained the same for a brief moment, a hint of curiosity in his eyes, fixated on the scars.
🗡When he noticed the pause, he took a step closer, maintaining a respectful distance. "It's alright. You can tell me."
🗡 As the words left their lips, Leander's expression shifted slightly, reflecting a tinge of surprise and a hint of understanding, though he remained calm. "You..." Leander started, choosing his words carefully. "Did you do this to yourself...?"
🗡The concern in his eyes intensified, and his voice dropped to a soft, gentle murmur. "Are there more?"
🗡 His fingers instinctively reach out—
🗡 He gently drew them into a tight embrace, holding them close against his chest, his body warm and firm against theirs. "Nevermind. You don't have to say a word. I'm here for you."
🗡 "You know, scars aren't all bad. They're reminders that you've survived, that you're stronger than you give yourself credit for…. Just promise me you won't do it again. Those scars... they don't belong on you."
𝓜𝓱𝓲𝓷
🕊 Mhin's demeanor would change the moment they'd spot their scars
🕊 They’d hesitate only momentarily before walking up to them, yanking any fabric away and inspecting them
🕊 "How old are they?" They’d ask, their voice a bit softer compared to their earlier attitude.
🕊 They’re just.. staring at them, the gears in their head clearly turning. Mhin looked quite… shocked, like they’d seen a ghost roaming the streets of Eridia.
🕊 “You did this on purpose,” they concluded. "Were you trying to…?" Their voice is careful, treading on thin ice.
🕊 For once, they ignored their pride and went with something their heart was telling him to do instead of their head; They soaked a cloth in the disinfectant eyes flickering back up to their ace before carefully bringing it to the scars. They worked silently, cleaning the wounds with surprisingly gentle touch before wrapping them in bandages once done.
🕊 “Who drove you to it?”
𝓥𝓮𝓻𝓮
✦ Ỳ̶̡̮̜̙̑̈́͆̄̌̾̈́̔̚͘ͅỏ̸̢̨̖̺̦̫̀͊̏̊͝u̷͚̜̟̟̪͎͙͂́̉̑̌̀̊̔̄̾̌͝r̴̨̞̪̽͋̌͜ ̵̧̡̞̺͔̖̳̱̗͈̩̟͛͋͜ͅͅs̷͈̯͊̀̃́̿̿c̶̨̨̜͈͙͈̱̀̑́̎ą̴̙̞̟̰̙͓̫̽͑r̴̢̢̡̙̭͖̦̝̺̮̄͑̍͛̓͗̂̿̂̿̓̒̈́̕ṣ̵́̈́̉̋̂̏͛̐̂̑͊̾́̕̕.̴̖̤̱͙̀̀ ̴̢̧͇̮͈̥̮̲͈̫̓̄̔̋ͅ
✦ It's unexpected. He is really close to them—too close for comfort. So close that they're able to feel the heat of his breath.
✦ His face is calm, almost emotionless, but there is something like deep thoughtfulness in his eyes and a little bit of irritation that he is clearly trying to conceal. 
✦ "A lot of them..." His voice is quiet, almost a whisper. There's something strange in his tone. "Who did that?" They feel his rough fingers on their skin, his touch not gentle, but not as harsh and cold as they'd expect. He seems tense now, looking at them with a kind of coldness that they hadn't seen from him before.
✦ He suddenly makes a quiet huffing sound, as if he's almost sneering. “What a waste.” He mutters and he finally steps back a little, his gaze still on their scars. “Stupid… What was even the point?” It’s something like a sincere question, that came out without him realizing it.
✦ He’s clearly trying to figure something out, staring them down, observing every muscle, twitch and every subtle movement
✦ “Was it worth it?”
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q-ueen-potato · 10 hours
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HEY HERE I AM TO DROP MORE INFOS ABOUT MY MERSTAN AU.
-Stan was transformed by Jimmy Snake who was part of a colony of merfolk, Stan lived with them for a while until he got the postcard from Ford. He still feels guilty for leaving behind the few beings who took care of him.
-merpeople doesn't reallystops growing. Purebloods get bigger than changed.
-Taking their scales out are considered self harm. Stan sells his scales.
-the venom is not located on the teeth but on poison sacks in their gums...their teeth has tiny holes and they act as injectiors. Purebloods have more control of their venom than changed
-It needed a very specific amount to make a changed. Less than this amount will give them a painful death...more than that will make a siren.
-a siren just focus on eating, is chaotic and murderous. While mermaid's would eat humans, their diets are mainly l seafolk. A siren's diet is humans, mermaids and other sirens(sometimes bigger fish if starving)
-Dipper is poisoned by accident when saving mermando. Stan had to give him more poison to save his life because was too low so it would kill him.(because Stan doesn't have his teeth he had to stab through his gums to take the poison out.)
-Dipper later bites Mabel because she wanted be a mermaid so much and then he does it for her(ignoring Stan's warnings to NOT do it) he accidentally use too much venom and Stan had to force the poison out so she had a chance to br herself.
-Ford may be a good scientist but he sucked on his description of mermaids, having a very low and useful infos(mainly focusing on their appearance and the superficial behavior)
-Stan has all the knowledge about mermaids, being a changed for so long he is considered a Elder and young mermaids trust him. He hates how the journals have no info about the lunar cycle, the difference of tide, about the true difference between merpeople and siren, the nature of the venom...
-The mermaids affect the mind with their voices that can manipulate, indulce illusion, force emotions or thoughts. For that they have a biggest resistance to mental manipulation
-Stan basically adopt Mermando after a conflict involving Dipper's transformation
-Stan's half-fish is a bullshark
-the mermaid voice have different powers it can :
+Manipule emotions
+influence their decision
+force obedience
+ drive someone into madness
+our cause permanent deaf
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miifu666 · 12 hours
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We know sukuna's a huge hater for Yuuji right? But theres a saying around my country where "you shouldn't hate someone TOO MUCH or else fate will always unite u with them."
Or sum like "don't hate someone too much, it'll turn to love."
<<<<<<♡>>>>>>>
Imagine a happy ending Sukuna, one where he genuinely decided to be in a loving and domestic household with you. He saw what the jujutsu world can do, both ancient and modern, Gojo has provenly showed him a thrilling time by being the one and almost only person to make him feel the life and death situation in such a predictable battle.
He got to meet the plentiful talented sorcerers in the modern world, one where they have far more advanced knowledge in how life works than those in the heian era. The new sorcerers didn't disappoint him too much. Some managed to learn innate domain expansion in a mere second, others didn't have any curse energy yet managed to hurt him more than those who do. He's seen it all, he feels content.
Hence why he made a choice to have his own happy ending, see where life gets him after his "unsavory" conversation with his fated nephew. The tangy memories of that boy's bright smile hearing sukuna giving him a chance to show him how beautiful life can be, even if deep within. Theres a dreaded feeling whenever he sees that gullible boy, a fire pit inside him whenever he realized how innocent his so called "nephew" is for believing someone like him can be saved too.
Sukuna thought back idly, coming back to his senses as he feels your hair being combed through his fingers in a consistent motion. He wonders if maybe that annoying brat is right, he has a dutiful lover now. One who he feels as though wouldn't have been his if he didn't accept that despicable brat's decision.
The warm feeling of the sun hitting both him and his equal is... a blissful feeling. He used to be empty, seeking thrill from both knowledge and greed of such delicacies, humans, animals.. all he could find and devour till his stomach is full. All knowledgeable for such sorcery to make sure he stays the top, to see if someone is there to fight and able to defeat him on top of the lonely world of the strongest.
Now he's sitting here, the daunting feeling of such title no longer haunts him. Theres no one who can use him like an object, to fight and treat him like a game boss, speak his name like an object to defeat, disregard him as something worth less than humanity and curses, a natural calamity. Inside this prosperous Minka, he is just sukuna. Hes not the starving child, ostracized from society, being stripped bare of his real birth given name.
He's now.. Sukuna.
The husband and father of... currently one brat.
Speaking of a brat.
There's hustling noises of running feet ontop of the well cared grass, the thumping of something- no. Someone not much older than 5 years old.
"Papa!"
There he is.
"I got butterflies!!"
The small brat he managed to raise. The one and only child he has, a miracle. He was tempted to call him "megumi" too actually- but he's too prideful to use a rip off of someone elses name. He created his own, he hoped. This child doesn't get sick from bearing the weight of his own name.
"Those are Dragonflies, Yajou"
Yajou, a combination of both the kanji for appearance and fulfillment. A perfect name for one who completes the boundaries between human and curses.
Although...
Sukuna stared at his son again. His face is much more similar to a certain brat than him. His bright and naive eyes, those unopened set of eyes under his proper main ones, the tufs of pink hair on top while his lover's natural hair decorated the sides. Its all too familiar, he hates it. He hates having a split image of his disgusting nephew in this... fleshy and chonky baby form.
"Free! Free dragon!"
The child babbles out, spreading his hands out to let the Dragonfly leave his fleshy touch. It was... cute, adorable even. Sukuna sigh.
This.. is a funny way of fate telling him to learn his lesson.
>>>♡♡<<<
God i had this thought at 1am i did NOT proof reading this i just fucking wing it brooooooo. Hope its good ig djdhdjjdkd
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dat-lil-shark · 2 days
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Transformer One Review
I would say the movie in general is pretty mid, to be honest. It’s clichéd, it’s rushed, it's everything we’ve seen before. Even my sister who had no knowledge of the franchise and whom I dragged into this guessed that Sentinel is evil right away.
But once thing I loved the movie so much is how Orion was written. And this is the most important thing there is to this movie. Even before watching the movie I knew he would be flawed and stupid, but I never expected he would be THIS flawed and THIS stupid.
He was SO STUPID there are even times he even feels morally ambiguous! Like he dragged all his friends into dangerous situations, without their consents, for no reasons other than just wanna feel good and feel cool. Even when he saved Jazz I was feeling like he didn’t save him because it’s the right thing to do and Jazz has a life too, but it’s more of a “Wow it would be so cool if I save him and come back alive!” Kind of situations. And he didn’t even apologize when others even first pointed it out and tried to convince them to feel the same way he does.
And his immaturity payed a big price. Disasters happened, so many almost and probably did got killed, and no one, not his friends, not plot armours, NO ONE defended him when things goes wrong because of him. He made grave mistakes and the world punished him for it, so he will learn. And I cannot imagine how bold were the screenwriters when they made the creative choice to make Orion this flawed. He was so stupid it was beautiful.
And not only was the film not afraid of making him flawed, it also wasn’t afraid of making him vulnerable.
For a large part of the film, I feel like Orion wasn’t even trying his best to persuade D-16 to not change, probably largely because he just can’t emotionally comprehend how someone like his best friend could possibly change so myth, until it went to the point of no return. And maybe if he was strong and wise enough to do the best he can, like giving D more attentions, trying to cheer him up and remembering the good thing in life. Best case scenario: D-16 would never go the length he would. And worst case: he would still at least try to leave his friends out of things. But no, Orion was visibly procrastinating on taking care of his friend cause he just don’t know how to, and possibly even want to, just to not face the truth. And I know he will make the 🥺 face eventually when D turned evil, but I did not expect Orion to spend almost half of the film to just staring at D with them big ol’ eyes and doing nothing but hope things are not going the way he thought they were going. Seriously though 70% of the later part of the film he looked like he was one step away from just bursting into tears.
However, these are not big surprises, the BIGGEST surprise the film gave me was at the end, when Orion finally became Optimus, and he defeated D. He. Still. Looked. Just. So. Sad.
He didn’t instantly become strong, at least emotionally.
He was still full of 🥺 and hesitations.
It was almost like, even AFTER he became Optimus, he was still naive enough to be somewhat hoping D-16 was not really doing what he knew he was doing, but finally accepted reality when he banished D and the Decepticons.
And.
I.
FUCKING.
Love this!
Essencially, the movie DID NOT make Orion just Optimus, but younger and more naive. Instead they made OPTIMUS just ORION, but knowing how life is not all sunshine and rainbow now. And the way they left the movie with Orion still VERY different from the expressionless, badass, and untouchable Optimus we know, instead still FULL OF sorrows and FULL OF Orion, not only leaves space for more movies in this new prologue-oriented franchise, with more character arcs for Orion, but they also shows how maturing doesn’t just happen overnight.
Orion learned how life is not all sunshine and rainbows, and he would not stop learning it for millions of years to come. There will be a day where Orion/Optimus would be hurt so much that he can no longer cry or smile anymore. But for today, he still can.
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magical-girl-coral · 2 days
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I've been going through D20's fandom wiki page and I've noticed how all of the Rat Grinders seem to be copying the successful abilities of others rather to doing their own thing. Ruben is a Whispers bard because Fig was one, Mary Ann is a berserker because Gorgug was one as well, and while there isn't a Bad Kids Archer, Ivy seem to be a Ranger/Fight arcane archer combo because Antiope is a world renowned Ranger/Fighter arcane Archer combo. Even Oisin was stealing Adaine's magic and Kipperlilly was a type A of Penelope Everpetal from the secret motivation behind her election to the blue skin friend that mysteriously disappeared.
It really feels like either Porter controlled their development to what he believes would be best to go with or they were too scatter minded post shatter star to make their own decisions so Porter took advantage of that to bold them into his image.
So here's what I think their subclasses would be in a post Porter World;
Ruben: Collage of the Road
Synopsis: Not an officially recognized college, the College of the Road represents the personal and eclectic sets of skills, knowledge, and techniques a wandering bard picks up along their journey. As inveterate jacks-of-all-trades, bards possess a variety of aptitudes in combat, magecraft, and general know-how, making them particularly well suited to learning a variety of different skills. It often happens that while traveling, a bard winds up sharing their campfire with a motley assortment of wandering adventurers who may impart valuable lessons in exchange for a lively song or a well-told tale. Compared to students of other Bard Colleges, a special kind of sensibility is important for the College of the Road. How effectively a bard of this College can apply what they have learned depends on their understanding and insight. The College of the Road is sometimes a harsh teacher, but bards who follow this path often find themselves rewarded with a diverse array of useful tricks and tactics. Those who underestimate a bard from the College of the Road soon find that these "graduates" are full of surprises.
Reasoning: Ruben would probably return to his beach bum ways after being free from the rage crystal, but I doubt he would want to go back to an "official" college. After everything with Porter, I imagine he would value the freedom to do whatever he wants more than ever and being a road bard will allow just that. No restrictions or someone telling you what to do; just going with the flow down the long recovery road.
Besides, he will probably be on the road for a long time after he convinces his party to start a band with him after leaving behind whatever the frick My Gnomical Romance was. He is this close from convincing them to pick up a musical instrument.
Mary Ann: Path of the Totem Warrior
Synopsis: The Path of the Totem Warrior is a spiritual journey, as the barbarian accepts a spirit animal as guide, protector, and inspiration. In battle, your totem spirit fills you with supernatural might, adding magical fuel to your barbarian rage.
Most barbarian tribes consider a totem animal to be kin to a particular clan. In such cases, it is unusual for an individual to have more than one totem animal spirit, though exceptions exist.
Reasoning: I love the idea of Mary Ann getting into Squishmallows because her grandma invented the first reptile teddy bear of Spyre for reptilian races like Kobolts and all Squishmallows are just descended of that invention. As a way to get closer to her grandmother, Mary Ann picks the bear as her spirit, as a way to always feel connected with her, even when she's away on adventures, becoming her grandmother's vision for the future.
When asked if she's going to miss her Mindless Rage advantages, Mary Ann answers; "I have been mindless for a year. I've had enough of that for a long time."
Ivy: Gloomstalker/Rune Knight
Synopsis: Rune Knights enhance their martial prowess using the supernatural power of runes, an ancient practice that originated with giants. Rune cutters can be found among any family of giants, and you likely learned your methods first or second hand from such a mystical artisan. Whether you found the giant's work carved into a hill or cave, learned of the runes from a sage, or met the giant in person, you studied the giant's craft and learned how to apply magic runes to empower your equipment.
Reasoning: Since Oisin and Ivy are canonically best friends and deeply close, I'd like to imagine both of them helping the other work out ironing out the kinks in their abilities. Ivy would start leaning about runes with Oisin's help who took glyph classes since Freshmen year. Combining her old knowledge with new one, Ivy's arrows become extremely deadly thanks to the runes she carves into them.
I didn't change her Gloomstalker subclass since it seems to be one of the few things that remained the same after getting shatter starred. No other character in Fantasy High has this and it matches Ivy's aloof personality.
Oisin: Remains as School of Conjuration
Synopsis: As a conjurer, you favor spells that produce objects and creatures out of thin air. You can conjure billowing clouds of killing fog or summon creatures from elsewhere to fight on your behalf. As your mastery grows, you learn spells of transportation and can teleport yourself across vast distances, even to other planes of existence, in an instant.
Reasoning: Like Ivy's Gloomstalker, Oisin's conjuration seemed to one of the few things that belonged to him rather than something was a part of Porter's plan. Those tattoos did not come from the any influence other than Oisin's and I will die on this hill.
HOWEVER.
He absolutely goes through a training montage with Ivy to focus on other proficients. His main focus becomes balancing out his other stats, mostly on strength, dexterity and constitution so that he wouldn't be useless in battle if he is put under Silence. There is nothing more satisfying than a villain thinking he made the party's wizard useless only for the wizard to sucker punch them in the face.
Kipperlilly: Phantom
Synopsis: Many rogues walk a fine line between life and death, risking their own lives and taking the lives of others. While adventuring on that line, some rogues discover a mystical connection to death itself. These rogues take knowledge from the dead and become immersed in negative energy, eventually becoming like ghosts. Thieves' guilds value them as highly effective information gatherers and spies.
Reasoning: While in hell, Kipperlilly had to come with the grip that her plan failed in every imaginable way. Deciding to embrace her fall from grace to the maximum, Kipperlilly became one with her death, moving through walls and people like a ghost haunting the hells. It's not like she has any allies around to help, and everyone around her too deranged from hells' influence to be able to manipulate. At least by being a specter, she can avoid many enemies and pass through devils without anyone knowing better. If she can't get better, at least she can be worse with everyone else.
But if the rest of her party comes down to hell to save her, I can see her becoming the Mastermind again. Except this time it's after weeks of group therapy with her friends and she actually focuses on helping them in battle.
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diginuisance · 5 months
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Maybe someone has posted about this already, but I discovered that in the Japanese localization of Hollow Knight, Quirrel uses the personal pronoun "sessha"
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The fact that he uses an archaic pronoun is great because it hints to the fact that he's much older than he appears to be. I love that it's specifically used to be humble. (Also, samurai Quirrel??? lol)
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puhpandas · 4 months
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hi mutuals im just curious.
#im a ggy lover myself and would obviously love to see it realized in a game#but i also like gregory as a character more than his semi-canon backstory#and have complicated feelings on if i want them to confirm ggy at all.#i love ggy but dont want it to take screentime away from gregory#who alongside vanessa havent been focused on in years#(ruin was mimic basically the whole time#doesnt count) and need the screentime desperately.#personally#after THIS long (2 and a half years since gregory screentime and over a year since GGYs release)#i cant help but always wonder if theyve just. waited too long and they shouldnt confirm it.#at least just that they shouldnt release something just for the sake of confirming it and just leave it as book knowledge.#if they did focus on ggy in a game i'd want it to serve the plot involving multiple characters and progress slowly#i dont want it to be confirmed then its just background knowledge i would want there to be a plotline of#gregory remembering it throughout the plot of a game and dealing with it.#it'd confirm it then but it'd also still be wholly focused on Gregory alone and also be a natural reveal for people who dont read the books#for me its option 3 i guess. by all means its for sure canon at the moment im just talking about how it would be revealed in a game#or if at all and left as knowledge someone who read the books would know#my idea is wishful thinking we'd never get something that intricate#i can hope though#i could be so cool#but damn theyre just handling the story so strangely rn#pandas.txt#pandas talks#poll#thoughts#pre hw2 dlc#jic
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astrxealis · 2 years
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i think it's interesting you can tell how people are like deep down by small things they do
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#like. if they use fonts#like 'aesthetic' fonts! it says they like pretty stuff sure but also that they don't know or don't care that#it isn't accessible for people with reading devices and stuff like that :') bcs those will read out literal math shit#it's a small thing but shows how ignorant some people are and i can't blame them at all bcs for a long time i used to use#aesthetic fonts like that. but for a while now i haven't as well and aurhrubedhej#but yeah perfectly understandable if they don't know but if they do it still even with the knowledge. i would definitely rather not#interact with someone like that. :')#i love to read people and all and tbh i probably know more about some people than they think bcs . yeah#it also shows how scary the internet is. please stay safe.#i have easily found some people's twitter accounts and it is so easy. i just do it out of curiosity and i don't have any malicious intent#at all but someone out there could and god if you overshare there is so much to learn so for the love of god be careful#but yeah! really interesting all of this ... how humans work :'O#the way we all have our different stuff that makes up who we are and how they're shaped by our experiences but also our dna#and how each book or passage or whatever we read leaves a marks on us. everything does#and how our brains differ and neuroscience and neuropsychology is. i don't know much abt it yet but god it is so interesting#- i am a very philosophical person interested in psychology and other related topics ever since i was a little kid - ><#it's interesting bcs . i really was like this ever since i was a kid and i would love to read more into Whyz#bcs i would look at rhe news as the kid and bad news made me so SAD. i still remember vividly sitting on the couch#and where the tv was and my parents. there was a girl who got... yeah#and it really opened my eyes to how fucking shit the world is. i was not even 10 years old by that time i think#and i think about that moment a lot even now whenever i rmbr it bcs it was. really important#in how i'm now hugely concerned about those kinds of things and really want to make the world a better place#honestly it annoys me when others don't care about the world but at least i'm happy with who i am! ><#it's interesting tho fr how i was. probably 'meant' to be like this in a way#and other kids out there just don't give a fuck and... i wonder why. what's different about us. in how we were made and shaped and raised?#ff/x being one of my memorable games in my childhood really shaped me and my outlook of religion and helped me be more open about my views#on family. kh being a really memorable thing abt my childhood despite me never properly playing past the island#but i still remember how i would always pick up that game again and again and years later when i got kh/3 despite not having played any#other games properly. i knew that this was my childhood. and playing thru that game was so amazing despite me literally
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scionshtola · 2 years
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cori is not refusing the call to adventure in fact cori is chasing it a little too hard i think
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neverendingford · 8 days
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,
#tag talk#said out loud “I've felt drunk for the past week” and suddenly realized no you idiot that's dissociation#anyway. I've been floating on clouds for a while and I'm absolutely not complaining it feels nice#restarting my meds is maybe what's doing it.#going off and then back on my meds has just been a wild ride all around#oh well. I gotta stay quirky and weird somehow right?#I've been thinking a lot about my breakup and how it wasn't even because of anything except that I got bored of him#and even playing aoe with him is getting boring cause his skill level is way behind me#the only person who moves the same speed as me is my brother. so I'm gonna go with him wherever he goes#I do like him a lot. but also there's the knowledge that if I don't stick with him I'll be way more lonely#moving out with someone else would guarantee that I'm leaving the only person in life who actually gets me#and I would be depriving him of the only other person who even kind of gets him (I won't say I get him fully cause that's a lil arrogant)#idk. I don't dislike it. but I'm trapped nonetheless. my course in life is laid out for me because I have no one else.#I love him but I wish I had more than one person who I could stand being around longer than a few months#idk. I do feel more conscious right now. more aware. I'm glad I have him.#I just wish I wasn't so fundamentally incompatible with every other person except him.#we're damaged in very similar ways and so we match. even the rest of my siblings don't click with me the same way#I guess I'm lucky to have him. if I didn't I would be 100% dead right now#which... certainly would be the easier simpler option#but oh well. I'm cursed to live on this earth until he eventually offs himself#we have a pact that we're gonna talk about the suicide beforehand to turn it into a murder mystery or something#he said he wants my skull if I go first. which honestly would be cool as hell. I'd be happy with my skull sitting on his bookshelf#he wants to travel and he's lined up to have a good job to let him do that. so I think I'll end up coming along#idk. we're together for life because both of us are so incapable of making other meaningful friendships#even his closest friends bother him constantly and he struggles to connect with them#so we vibe in that regard.#sorry if this is depressing as hell. it's just.. idk. we both are likely and certain that we won't die of natural causes#but life keeps getting better. I've got plans to go back to nursing next year and I'm medicated so I should be able to make it through#I've had my current job for over a year which is a personal record for me so I'm kinda stoked about that#I'm getting bored of it but so it won't last forever but nursing should get me something new to work on
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saja-star · 9 months
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I've had a hard time articulating to people just how fundamental spinning used to be in people's lives, and how eerie it is that it's vanished so entirely. It occurred to me today that it's a bit like if in the future all food was made by machine, and people forgot what farming and cooking were. Not just that they forgot how to do it; they had never heard of it.
When they use phrases like "spinning yarns" for telling stories or "heckling a performer" without understanding where they come from, I imagine a scene in the future where someone uses the phrase "stir the pot" to mean "cause a disagreement" and I say, did you know a pot used to be a container for heating food, and stirring was a way of combining different components of food together? "Wow, you're full of weird facts! How do you even know that?"
When I say I spin and people say "What, like you do exercise bikes? Is that a kind of dancing? What's drafting? What's a hackle?" it's like if I started talking about my cooking hobby and my friend asked "What's salt? Also, what's cooking?" Well, you see, there are a lot of stages to food preparation, starting with planting crops, and cooking is one of the later stages. Salt is a chemical used in cooking which mostly alters the flavor of the food but can also be used for other things, like drawing out moisture...
"Wow, that sounds so complicated. You must have done a lot of research. You're so good at cooking!" I'm really not. In the past, children started learning about cooking as early as age five ("Isn't that child labor?"), and many people cooked every day their whole lives ("Man, people worked so hard back then."). And that's just an average person, not to mention people called "chefs" who did it professionally. I go to the historic preservation center to use their stove once or twice a week, and I started learning a couple years ago. So what I know is less sophisticated than what some children could do back in the day.
"Can you make me a snickers bar?" No, that would be pretty hard. I just make sandwiches mostly. Sometimes I do scrambled eggs. "Oh, I would've thought a snickers bar would be way more basic than eggs. They seem so simple!"
Haven't you ever wondered where food comes from? I ask them. When you were a kid, did you ever pick apart the different colored bits in your food and wonder what it was made of? "No, I never really thought about it." Did you know rice balls are called that because they're made from part of a plant called rice? "Oh haha, that's so weird. I thought 'rice' was just an adjective for anything that was soft and white."
People always ask me why I took up spinning. Isn't it weird that there are things we take so much for granted that we don't even notice when they're gone? Isn't it strange that something which has been part of humanity all across the planet since the Neanderthals is being forgotten in our generation? Isn't it funny that when knowledge dies, it leaves behind a ghost, just like a person? Don't you want to commune with it?
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princessmyriad · 4 months
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#personal#i dont really know how to talk about this but i am scared. for myself. not for my system but for me and also for my sys#im primary protector. i am the oldest being in this body by time (not by age). i was one of the first created at the bodys 9month old Thing#ive always had a background almost co-con role. not fully cocon but i contribute to a lot of the blur because im always close enough to#the front to be able to step in as quickly as possible if needed. and to give instructions and warnings to whoevers in front and needing it#the last maybe 2 months? 3? ive taken up a more active hosting role in a cycle with 3 others#im really worried that its been happening so much that its impacting my duties as primary protector. im scared the brain has been#keeping things from me or shutting of knowledge i did have access to to help me adjust to concept of hosting#i cant see the inner as clearly as i could. i know my girlfriends in there somewhere but reaching out only has like a 12% chance of#getting through when ive spent the last 14 years almost living on top of her as she was the old host.#it feels rough and scary. like i know shes in there i think our gatekeep would tell me if she became dormant even if i was full host so i#i have to belive shes alright in there but i do miss her so bad. i want to know shes okay. i want to hold her#im mostly worried about losing more access to information i used to have and diminishing my use in my protector role as a result#i dont want to be a host. i need to feel like i can talk to my guys and gals and pals with the clarity and communication weve spent the last#4 years building. i feel there are more capable than me to replace me and allow me to step back and resume background-host/protector stuff#they are untrained and unfamiliar with our life but theyre not trauma holders. what do they call those? normal parts? dont like that languag#but they dont have the trauma related issues that some olthers/old hosts do and can be trained in the running of the life#we dont work we dont really leave the house due to agoraphobia so we have the time and space to train a new host#idk what to do#idk where this went i guess this is venting you can ignore it#but i guess the solution is to talk to the one cohost i can still talk with and see if they can do some hiring for me#get them to head in and see if the brain will cooperate to bring someone else out to take my host spot soon#or make one but thats not ideal id prefer to avoid that if we can. but i can feel myself reaching my limits for this#somethings gotta give soon either way#system#although we already have 3 other hosts in roster and several alters created specifically for that hanging out inside too so maybe#maybe things wont crumble if i just decide to step back on my own. if i can. harder to step back when i cant access inner but maybe if i can#then we will survive with the 3
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lookingforcactus · 3 months
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Because I'm feeling whimsical,
What the fuck do you mean that's a quilt??? Round 2
All quilts are contest winners from the quilt show Road to California, 2022. You can see these quilts and the other winners from that year here.
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Best of Show Quilt
Title: Harlequinade Maker: Rebecca Prior Quilter: Jackie Brown Design Basis: Maker's Original Design "Harlequinade" is a theatrical quilt filled with visual clues guiding viewers to discover a hidden story. Inspired by Venetian Carnival masks and commedia del'arte characters, the quilt features the antics of Harlequin, the trickster, who has his own ideas about freedom and fun!
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Director's Choice
Title: Welcome Home Maker: David Taylor Quilter: David Taylor Design Basis: Original image by Margo Clabo, used with permission I first saw this image from friend Margo Clabo more than a decade ago. It took years to convince her to let me adapt her photo into a quilt. The image it depicts is especially sentimental for her. The challenge for myself was to create a pieced pictorial background and recreate a traditionally pieced quilt by using my hand appliqué technique. The project size was overwhelming, but I'm thrilled with the finished quilt. So is Margo. Time to exhale.
Note: To be clear, that is not a photo with a quilt in it, that WHOLE THING is a quilt.
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Best Machine Stationary Quilting
Title: Emerald labyrinth Maker: Kumiko Frydl Quilter: Kumiko Frydl Design Basis: Maker's Original Design As a starting point I used an image from the entrance to the EL Barkookeyeh Mosque in Cairo. Thinking of an elegant and intricate garden I added bursts of natural color and filled the area between the large elements of the design with finer ornament inspired by butterflies and plants. I set the circular image in a rectangular frame with a subdued complimentary design of rippled reflective pools.
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1st Place: Animal
Title: Woodland Wilds Maker: Ann Horton Quilter: Ann Horton Design Basis: Maker's Original Design My morning hikes in the woodland hills of our northern California home inspired this quilt. The rabbits are always alert for danger. This machine appliqued, thread painted and embroidered view through a window is surrounded by wild flowers on hand dyed silk and again surrounded by other wild birds and animals. I love my wilds things in the woods!
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1st Place: Human Image
Title: The Memories That Remain Maker: Lynn Czaban Quilter: Lynn Czaban Design Basis: Library of Congress Photos - LC-USF33-006183MI and LC-USF33-0061 I am fascinated by the human face and our ability to communicate without uttering a single word. The Portuguese word 'saudade' meaning a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for something or someone that one cares for and loves. Moreover, it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might never be had again.
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1st Place: Naturescape
Title: Desert In Spring Maker: Andrea Brokenshire Quilter: Andrea Brokenshire Design Basis: Maker's Original Design My Mom and I embarked on an epic travel trip we named our "Thelma and Louise Adventure" In Palm Springs, CA we visited the Living Desert Botanical Garden. This quilt is inspired by one of the photographs I took that spring day of a Prickly Pear Cactus in full bloom. I loved the leathery texture of the cactus leaves (paddles) and the almost translucent citron yellow blossoms.
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2nd Place: Animal
itle: Not Today Maker: Kestrel Michaud Quilter: Kestrel Michaud Design Basis: Maker's Original Design The chase is on! The Roadrunner is after his next meal, chasing a Common Collared Lizard through a steampunk junkyard. The desert is a favored dumping ground for the detritus of progress, even in a fantasy world. A steam-powered industrial revolution creates iron refuse and pieces of broken machinery have been left to decay in dry desert air. That doesn’t bother these critters. To them, this is home. Will that lizard wind up as dinner? Not today!
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2nd Place: Human Image
Title: Declaration of Independence - Voices of Freedom Maker: Nancy Prince Quilter: Terri Taylor Design Basis: Reproduction of John Trumbull's Painting The quilt is a reproduction of John Trumbull's painting which depicts the moment in history when the first draft of the Declaration of Independence was presented to the Second Continental Congress on June 28, 1776. The quilt front and back were created in Photoshop and custom printed on fabric. Four thousand hours over 4 years was necessary to create the quilt. The back captures the story of the Declaration and its signers.
Note: I'm not at all patriotic. But credit where credit is due. That's a fucking quilt.
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3rd Place: Animal
Title: Midnight Flight Maker: Joanne Baeth Quilter: Joanne Baeth Design Basis: Maker's Original Design Several years ago we had an injured Great Horned Owl roosting in our willow tree during the day. I took several pictures and was inspired to create him in fabric. The background features a painted sky, old buildings, melting snow and a rabbit on the run The foreground is the swooping owl which was constructed by painting and inking each feather and thread painting over fabrics and needle punched wool rovings
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3rd Place: Naturescape
Title: Day Into Night Maker: Deb Deaton Quilter: Deb Deaton Design Basis: Maker's Original Design Inspired from photo by Robert Murray with his permission. When the Arizona sun begins to set, the sky comes alive. I saw this photo and knew the splendor of this landscape needed to be captured with fiber! Sky is hand painted. Raw edge applique. Mixed media used: oil pastels, color pencils, inks to enhance the fabrics and create more dimension. Cheesecloth: painted to create spikes of cactus. Tulle used to capture the sunrays. Machine quilted.
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