#so i've been learning a lot about it and still don't know terminology and stuff

[rolandkaros]

6, 23, 25

-@fritzes

6. favorite surface to watch?

probably clay! objectively it's my favorite, plus imo clay matches are generally more fun and a lot of my favorite players are good on clay

23. what's your favorite stroke?

this is one of the ones i can't really answer 💀

more recently learned about the term "inside-out forehand" and have subsequently become very fond of it

25. if you could change the result of one match, which one would you pick?

my god, i mean. the easiest one would be rg final 2023, but idk, i feel like it's difficult bc at the time i actually was very happy with the result...and if iga didn't win she wouldn't have been year end #1. i think i don't have enough knowledge of tennis from previous years to give a non-recency-bias answer but my next would probably be wimbledon final 2023.

[bloomshroomz]

I don't understand the whole, "You can't explain gender stuff to kids; they're too young to understand" argument. Refusing to explain anything just results in more confusion.

As a kid, I thought that trans people were a really cool hypothetical, but didn't realize that could actually be a real thing until years later. I used to try to find portals where I could step in and swap my gender in elementary school, because I thought that would be the only way.

In third grade, we had a project where we were given the letters of our names and pictures of our faces, and we were supposed to draw the rest for a sort of classroom student book thing. I dropped some of the letters in my name to make it masculine, cut off the hair, and drew stuff that I thought was cool.

The teacher saw this and said, "Is that really how you want people to remember you?" clearly expecting me to say "no."

But I said "Yes," and the teacher argued against this for a bit, before giving in and allowing me to use the art that I made. They still made me create a version that aligned with my AGAB, though. The masculine version was only kept in black and white.

(Fun fact: My chosen name is actually almost identical to the name I chose in third grade. I had a pretty good idea of what I wanted, even with my limited knowledge on what I could do.)

I fantasized about being able to change my gender a lot as a kid, whether that meant being a boy, or being neither a girl nor a boy, or being between/some sort of boygirl. I wished that I could "genderbend," because that was the terminology I knew.

I learned that trans people actually exist in like... Middle school? And people were super transphobic at the time, so I internalized that for a few years before accepting that I'm trans. That pain could've been avoided if I had been taught from a young age that trans people exist, and that it's okay to be trans.

I was a trans kid, and I didn't know that was what I was until I was a teen, because I wasn't given the opportunity to know. Trans kids exist, regardless of whether you give them language to express their experiences or not.

And I've met trans kids who knew that terminology, and knew that they were trans because of it. I've also met kids who weren't trans, but still experimented with pronouns and gender expression for a short while to see how they felt, because they were given the freedom to do so. It's good to let kids explore who they are.

I'm also openly trans, and I don't hide this from anyone. Kids understand, even if I'm the first to explain it to them. It's not a hard concept to grasp. My little brother was introducing me to his friends as his big brother even when I was expressing myself very femininely, and hardly any kids batted an eye. Some of them were curious why I looked so feminine for a guy, and it was easy to explain. It has also been easy to explain what being nonbinary means.

Kids latch onto concepts like gender more easily than you think. Out of everyone in my family, my little brother (who still isn't even a teen yet) has been one of the most supportive people when it comes to my transition. I can't think of a time when he has misgendered me- not in years, at least. He caught on fast, and he never gets it wrong. He even corrects people who misgender me. I get misgendered by the adults in my family much more than the children.

Kids get it. All you gotta do is explain.

[shockpine]

i've been getting a lot more interested in, like, animal stuff lately. like i love learning about new animals and learning where they come from and unique things about them.. i've translated that a little bit with some personal writing with moby and zoey (bear and rabbit characters) and i had a little bit of a surprise the other day;

i specifically made up a new type of bear for zoey, called a "blue bear", which she describes as a subspecies of black bear, although i don't think that's the correct terminology. it'd be a very uncommon, male recessive gene. i was basing it on kermode/spirit bears, a subspecies of black bear that's native to coastal british columbia. somewhere between 100-500 of them are affected by a recessive gene that gives them an all white coat, and it's not albinism. zoey isn't from the area though and it didn't make sense to make it a direct analog, but the inspiration was definitely there. ... however. yesterday i learned there actually is a subspecies called a tibetan blue bear (it has some other names). it's an extremely rare (like EXTREMELY rare, and may have been "inspiration" for the yeti) subspecies of brown bears, with some pale grey hairs that appear blue to some people.

so now i have to specifically make some sort of note that people will see that she ISN'T based on these bears. i think its way funnier if shes specifically a made up type of bear because the way her gene stuff works doesn't actually align with these tibetan blue bears (or any real bears), and i don't want to confuse anyone into thinking there's some recessive trait that those real bears have.

like technically in a world of brightly colored animals none of them are going to look like their respective species (and because i'm not good at drawing animals. zoey is barely a bear, moby's a snowshoe hare but those things aren't yellow/gold even with their summer coat) but still. zoey is weird for being blue. cartoon alien type thing

(edit, for context, zoey's specific kind of genetic blue thing only kicks in once you hit puberty. it's so rare and not spoken about that her parents didn't even know what was going on until they saw a doctor)

[lewisinho]

as the anon that asked for the race list: thank you!

now this is totally up to you if you have the time to spend on this, but this is my first year watching the races, and while I've been doing some background research to get up to speed, there is still a lot i don't know. i trust your judgment so what are some races and/or f1 adjacent things i should look into? i'm going through your McLaren list and have watched the last 4 seasons of dts and the brawn documentary. are there any other books/ documentaries/ races (especially seb's) / old youtube videos that are lost in the void that i should also check out?

again no pressure and thank you!

no problem!

(and btw welcome to f1 and the world of watching some glorified hot wheels every other sunday 😁 it’s great!)

i completely get how daunting it can be as a new fan in the sport. when i was getting back into f1 it also took me some time to get back up to speed with everything, especially all the techy stuff; i honestly learned the most through just watching the races (old and new), bc you get to see all the strategies play out, the pit-stops, the overtakes etc. and the terminology just becomes much easier to understand through sheer exposure. there are also some really cool f1 data analysis blogs you might want to follow on twt/x if you want some more detailed tech analysis and graphs if you’re into that sort of thing: (x)

as for seb, oh there’s a whole arsenal of recs i have!

monza 2008, rise of torro rosso wunderkind; i presume you already know the lore with that one but ig you can never get tired of it.

abu dhabi 2010, world championship no.1 “du bist weltmeister!”

interlagos 2012, the infamous one. this one’s a rollercoaster, chaos everywhere and the manifestation of murphy’s law: anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. amidst a title battle against nando, seb was fighting the weather, bruno senna’s front wing, a damaged side-pod, no radio, and somehow managed to claim p6 to win the championship

malaysia 2013, multi-21 (iconique), he was faster, deal with it. 💅

singapore 2013, domination masterclass from quali to the race. (also just all of his singapore wins...lion of singapore and all that)

india 2013, title no.3 secured, changed tyres on lap 2 and came out p17, was third by only lap 13 and then won the race by nearly 30 seconds. it was also his sixth win in a row. he went on to win three more. speaks for itself. also this:

malaysia 2015, first win with ferrari, can't forget that one, also features sewis’ gay knee-touching on the podium.

germany 2019, CHAOS, in which merc got bewitched by the special livery curse 😅, with crashes, spins, 50-second long pit stops, and also features one of seb’s best drives from p20 -> p2

i also highly recommend watching Floz's fan-made docus on youtube about 'the silver war' (there are also docus for the 2014 and 2015 seasons) as well as the merc v ferrari (lewis vs seb) 2017 fight and 'fight for five' in 2018, they're so much better than dts and actually give a full run-down of what happened during the season, with all the action on-track, with interviews and providing all the context! it's so well-edited as well (you literally feel like you're watching a movie about all of the seasons) and they are just incredibly fun to watch.

in general, i love rewatching races from 2017/18 (literally my comfort seasons), personal favs include spain 2017 (strategy galore and lewis v seb), baku 2017 (for obv reasons), austin 2017; and basically the 2018 season in its entirety...

as for books, there are many driver autobiographies e.g. jb (he’s even got two lmao), mark webbah etc. but i think the best f1 book out there is adrian newey’s memoir ‘how to build a car’ if you want lore + great insight into cars!

i’d also recommend watching some older races (i could do a separate post on which ones are my personal favs) but it’s all up to you in the end! go digging, look around on yt for some highlights and just keep exploring! 🫶💜

[ikkosu]

Hellooo Ikko, how are you ? I've been trying to come up with appropriate questions to get to know your robot husbands for a while now but I feel like an idiot every time I write one down because I can't tell if it's elementary knowledge or not sooo can you give me a very basic primer on how things work around here ? For reference, I don't even know what a valveplug is, have no clue about conjux endurae and I only know Pharma and Prowl (your husband) so I think we have a lot to cover here. Love your new pfp btw!

Glad you love it!! It took me a while to muster up the courage to swap. I still miss the old one though.

Also it's okay if it's complicated at first 😭 trust me, getting into his fandom requires knowledge of the canon and the fanon too lmaoo. And the fanon isn't so little either 😭, it's as complicated as the cabon with the terminologies which is why I always adore reading original fanon works. It's almost always better than the original ones.

and a writer of the mtme comics (an idw tf comics series) used to write transformers fanfiction, can you believe that? If you're curious, it's called Eugenesis and I don't know what to say about it yet since Im only on the first chapter 💀 and it's certainly interesting...

Anyways, things get complicated so I'll only explain some surface level stuff. Me just jotting down stuff from the top of my head dhjsiwks.

So, basically in fanon stuff because in canon there's no way hasbro is giving them actual dicks, cybertronians have an interface panel. their version of a built in panty that just slides open and close for use. It's located around the crotch, the rectangular shaped thing and when it opens it reveals two interface array/ port (genitals) : a valve (vagina) and a spike (dick).

Though, gender isn't really much a thing in their society, female Cybertronians also have a spike and a valve (in fanon, of course). And there's also other ways writers make the bots fuck. Some writers prefer ports over spike/valve, a different method of fucking that involved plugging and wireplay? I guess, I am not that knowledgeable enough to explain ( I will read more I swear)

So if you write anything explicit, nsfw in the fandoms tf writers will use the tag #valveplug to indicate it's nsfw. And maccadam (lorewise, it's an oil house, basically like a bar where Cybertronians go to drink energon and chat etc. I heard it's used because everytime tf pops up it's just Megan fox because of the movie 😭 and people wanted fandom centric things and not that)

Going into Cybertronian culture is not my forte, but I do know a little. it's a given they interact differently when it's comes to love and relationships. They take these things seriously. Amica endurae : best friend, and Conjux is basically your wife/husband and they'll have to undergo a ritual. And it's canon! :D examples of relationships are Chromedome/Rewind, Ratchet/Drift are just a few . There's many more but I forgor

Cybertronians express emotions through emp field since they don't have a heart but a spark. A spark is kind like a soul? So it's like a magnetic field. when they 'feel' things, other mechs can also feel it as well. they can pull it close to them when they're uncomfortable or expand it to assert domination — just some of the things they do.

Relationships in Transformers gets complicated when there's Sparkbonding involved. I do not know much about that djidskfhkwn so dshsjsja

Some terms, Servo : hand, helm : head, pedes : feet, breem : hour, joor : months, klik : seconds.

There's also many robot husbands!!! Optimus, (iconic dad) Soundwave, Megatron, Ultra Magnus and more :DD

Also, you've just given me the signal I need to learn more about Cybertronian culture LMAOAOA

[oneangstymotherfucker]

tw csa mention / k!nk mention

Something that gets to me about the anti mindset is that it doesn't seem to be able to account for the fact that we might be reading age-gap stuff from the younger person's perspective. Why do they always assume otherwise? (Of course it's okay if you do, but for this post im talking about the other side).

The truth is, sexuality cannot be completely severed from childhood experiences. From what I've read, most kinks and interests develop alongside the rest of our personality(ies). This is very normal.

It is also very normal to engage in 'pleasure seeking' as a child. Something feels nice on your body, so you keep doing it. I started when I was about six, and every therapist I've talked to has said that is normal.

The age during which you start understanding your bonds and relationships to other people is also very important, and since it affects your development and the rest of your life, going back to those ideas and looking at them can be very healing.

So it makes sense why anyone would be interested in metaphorically 'going back' to those times in their lives and exploring what they didn't have words or capacity to understand back then. Real children do not have the capacity to understand or cope with sex. They are not ready, and it would cause them harm. Maybe it did cause you harm. Fictional children are not real children. Fictional children are an extension of our own inner child, a way for us to process what we couldn't then now that we are safe and have more control of our lives. It doesn't undo the harm, but it can help you sort it out and move on from it.

So yeah, all of this is even more important if you have been hurt. I write about the ages 6-12 a lot because that's around the time I was hurt. It's not that im 'stuck there' or 'fetishizing' it (you can't 'fetishize' your own trauma) - I am doing work there. I am reclaiming it there. I am making sure the needy little 12 year old in me is safe and happy.

But as for me and myself- I was still afraid. I might always be. For a long time I couldn't even approach sexuality. When I finally did it was talking to old men online, trying to get them to believe I was much younger than I was, playing with them and seeing what they would say. That was what felt safe. The only 'part' of me that felt safe being sexual was the part that was still a kid.

I don't cope like that anymore. I found a way that I like better, that is more under my control and is way less risky to myself and the potential people i was talking to. And that is writing fiction!!!!

Through fiction I can set up places where all of me feels safe (even if it might not look safe to you or would not be safe in the real world!). I can create scenarios where I can work through my fears, provide comfort and safety, and make a good place for my kid self to figure things out (and yes, get off).

And it has been helping! We've been feeling safer and more confident since we started writing, and we've learned so much about ourselves and how to feel safe.

I studied psychology for four years. There isn't really terminology for a 'bad coping mechanism'. There is the idea of maladaptive coping mechanisms, but here's the thing- what makes a coping mechanism maladaptive is wether it causes more harm than good in the person's life on a case by case basis.

The idea that a random stranger thinks they have the authority over your life and your unique psychology to tell you that you are hurting yourself with your coping mechanisms is ridiculous. No stranger online knows - or should know - the details of your trauma or life. They have no say in what is good for you. If you are worried something might be hurting you or holding you back, that is for you and maybe a trusted professional to figure out. It is certianly not for some squicked teenager or anyone else online to dictate.

Also, sexuality and brains are really complicated. You don't need trauma (or to remember it) in order to enjoy something. You're allowed to ship any ship for any reason. Bonus points if one of the reasons is because it makes you happy, because you deserve to be happy!

All ships are just roleplays. All fics are just scenes. When I write I put up tags to let people know what's in the scene. I hold on good faith that they are reading the tags, and they that I am not tagging incorrectly. I give them my scene, and if they at any point don't like what I'm doing, they stop reading. It is really very simple!!!

Finally, if you do have sexual trauma, you don't ever have to 'sterilize' it or be 'pure' about it. It's okay to have leftover feelings and kinks and interests that might seem backwards or not make sense to other people. You don't have to conform to a bullshit 'good survivor' image of some saintly person who put all that behind them and avoids avoids avoids like a pure little virgin mary.

You can look at it if you want to. You can pull it apart with your hands, you can reclaim it and get off to it if you want to, you can share it with consenting others and let them get off to it too. That is all okay and good. That is just being human. You are okay.

[theturtlefamily]

Hi! Idk if this is the right blog to ask but I figured it couldn't hurt.. feel free to ignore this if there's too much info / you don't feel like answering / whatever

So.. I've got this online friend.. we've been best friends for a year and a half, we mentally adopted eachother as siblings over a year ago, and we've also been datitng for the past three months... I love them a shitton and we're literally soulmates. We've both got like, childhood trauma, so sometimes we do act childish or something like that, I guess, but recently they confessed they were an age regressor. As in they've got pacis and they interact with the community and stuff.

I really wanna support them and I've been learning some words like caregiver, little space, etc, but I'm still very confused. They off-handedly mentioned that I could be their caregiver when they first told me and I just kind of said of course cause we're everything to eachother and I didn't know what that was, but I'm starting to suspect that's it's a much bigger deal than they let on and I wanna take that responsibility seriously.

Also the more I look into this the more I think I might mildly age regress too? Which is confusing. I don't know all of the terminology and I'd wanna explore that side of me but idk it's so new and idk if I can be their caregiver if I also regress? It's confusing.

I'm pretty good with kids and I know them really well so I've been managing okay so far, I think, but it's also weird because it's long distance and I'm really scared to fuck up.

I'm also confused about like- so rn we're still teenagers but we've got big plans for when we're adults cuz they're gonna move here and come live with me and we wanna get married and have kids and like.. I guess I'm confused about how them being a little is gonna impact that? Like will they be a good parent or am I gonna end up having days where I take care of everything on my own? What kind of an impact is it gonna have on our kids to see their parent(s?) acting like children sometimes??

Anyways thanks for reading this far feel free to ignore this

Well, I'm glad you have a good bond with them. That's a good thing. And yes, you can be a caregiver and age regressor. That is called being a flip. And flips can be good caregivers as well, don't worry. When it comes to being asked to be a caregiver, that is really important. That means they trust you. So it probably meant the world to them that you said yes.

And secondly, about the kids' part. I can't say I can relate to much to that. As I personally am not a regressor, I can tell you a few things regarding what I know and have seen.

It will be a little bit difficult to regress when you have children. But in some cases, when the child is older, they can learn. Such as to know your regression and accept it. My headmates age regress a lot. And some have children or take care of them. But they are still good at what they are doing.

I can't provide much when it comes to the kids' part, and I'm sorry about that. But what I am saying is that being a regressor isn't bad when it comes to parenthood/taking care of kids in general.

If you want, you can stick around my blog. You can claim an anon and such. I will listen if you need anything. You are doing great.

[saturniandragon]

From your most recent ask game I thought 18 and 19 sounded like they would be fun to combine. Oh and 32 looks interesting if you wish to add that as a bonus. 36 too in fact but don't worry if that's too many. With any OC of yours that you wish to choose. Although I would very much like to see your TES characters if I may request that :D

Trying to be careful not to accidentally delete an ask draft like that one time I tried to answer your anon ask from a while ago.

And yes to anyone's wondering, spinn-virus is the anon that has been sending me oc asks. I've obtained permission to reveal her identity.

18. How easy is it to become their enemy?

Zanri: Zanri isn't one to hold grudges often. Except if you commit acts that in real world would be the equivalent of Geneva convention violations. Terrorism, unlawful torture and executions, taking hostages, to name a few.

Or insult his mom Queen Ayrenn.

Vani: The fighter Khajiit from Orcrest has no more family left, so when Zanri adopts her into his little Dominion family, one can be sure whoever brings her step brother into harm's way will not see the light of day again. Awkwardly they are being overprotective of each other, and they're not fully aware of it.

Adrastea (ESO): Just step on his pet dwarven spider, whether on accident or intentional. Or bring him cold tea. The man is unpredictable on what will trigger him and what will not.

Merri'sa: Merri'sa possesses similar demeanor as Zanri regarding combat. She's by no means a soldier of the Imperial Legion or related to any armed forces in any way, but her Imperial father was. And she has inherited his teachings of battle.

-

19. How easy is it to become their friend?

Zanri + Merri'sa: You make a perfect friend of Zanri and Merri'sa if you're an archer, not a racist, a scholar, or any combination of them. In general though, anyone socially decent and respectful can be their friend regardless of background.

Vani: Do you like knives? Close range combat? Making the biggest mess possible in the kitchen? You will like Vani, and she will like you. Whether her step brother will also like you is another matter.

Adrastea (ESO): You have to be educated. Like, extremely educated. Especially on Dwemer. The way he filters out fake friends from real ones is by throwing in some Dwemer-related terminologies in his sentences and see how long they will last. And you have to know how to make a good tea. It's a bit unclear if those are requirements to be his friend or his servant.

(yes I just realized I'm basing his personality off of Neloth from Skyrim)

Adrastea (Saturn): Adra has plenty of interests so chances are one of your interests will align with him. Supercars, firearms, trance music. Or sometimes about adult stuff. He's horny.

Aeryx: Aeryx behaves almost like a house cat. Give her a little affection and she will probably cling to you for a while. Even just complimenting her coffee is enough to make her ecstatic.

-

32. If they could change one thing about themselves what would it be?

Zanri: Zanri wishes he can read people better. Numerous times he felt he was used or lied to because he couldn't take hints except the obvious ones. Sarcasm is his enemy because it can take a few hours to a few days before he realizes what his interlocutor actually meant. This stems from him not wanting to judge people too quickly, which has proved to be a little bit of a double-edged sword.

Vani: Vani has been trying to take her step brother's advice of "chill the fuck out a little", though she hasn't been able to because she was born with 6 claws according to the old Khajiiti saying. Admittedly on day to day life she has learned how to keep her temper down since Zanri adopts her, but it's gone out the window when blades are out.

Adrastea (ESO): Does he need to change anything about himself? If anything, being full of himself is one. Though he believes it's just because he's still being stationed in Western Skyrim when he would appreciate somewhere warmer a lot better.

Merri'sa: Merri'sa currently seeks to be better in close range combat. It's never in her blood to be proficient in a fight that takes place within 3 meters, other than when she stealthily assassinates a bandit from behind with her dagger. Granted she is rarely involved in close range combat, but it's a skillset she wants to have.

36. Would they ever kill someone? Have they already?

Not applicable to my Saturn ocs because they're all upstanding civilians :)

Zanri: Zanri has taken plenty of lives, probably unnecessarily too many, although none has been civilians or non-combatants. From simple bandits to Dremoras he has seen a lot of blood splatter caused by his arrows. It's easy to brand him as a cold-hearted assassin who blindly follows orders from his Queen, but he knows that some evil are necessary for the greater good. And he's perfectly willing to forgive anyone who wishes to abandon their wrong ways. Except Mannimarco.

Vani: Vani doesn't have anywhere near the same kill count as Zanri. As a hot-tempered fighter however she is more willing to draw blood as her way of solving a problem. Like Zanri however, she won't fight those who can't defend themselves.

Adrastea (ESO): Adrastea used to be a Pact sergeant before he deserted, and he's slain a few dozen soldiers from other alliances, Covenant and Dominion alike. Some Pact soldiers used to call him the Incinerator because of the amount of charred corpses he left in his wake from his aggressive use of sun magic. Though it's not a name he's particularly proud of.

Merri'sa: Merri'sa has killed a lot of bandit leaders in her time, both in Skyrim and back in Cyrodiil. Though she wonders if it's possible to form a society where execution or assassination isn't necessary to solve the worst of problems. A world where there's no need to carry out a war or a battle, despite how impossible it may sound. For now she has been treating her enemies as archery target practice.

[btnclmrttn]

Hellloooo! Are you still taking requests? :O if you are, can i pleaaase have saitama with a doctor s/o please? 🙉🙊🙈

Yes Yes Yes! I've been waiting for an ask like this! I'll ll do my best, but I'm only a nursing assistant lol. Only thing I can tell you about doctors is that they're usually insufferable pains in the ass working with. But that's for another discussion I hope you like it sorry it's long

Doctor S/O HCs

~~~~

It's a miracle how you guys managed to meet considering your schedules but luck have it he liked you enough to find you again

(I'd say you were standing in line in front of him and managed to get hundreds of dollars worth of groceries reduced to like $80. He wants in on that witchcraft)

He admires you so much by the work you do, and is almost intimidated how you can crunch in those long hours.

Always trying to stuff you up with little healthy snacks after you told him sometimes you guys don't have time to sit and eat.

Days off are always the best together. You got used to constantly be running errands on your day off and he helped you learn to chill out and not worry about everything the second you get free time

Lots of tub time together for your sore ass

He's always a sad egg when you get mandated. If it's too long you'll come home to him basically sitting at the door like a puppy. He misses you on the main just isn't aware of it.

If you're having the classic nerve pain or feet n ankles mega ouch he will NOT let you be up on them. He says you should rest as hard as you work.

Any medicine or cream you use for it he likes giving to you, like he's playing doctor

So that's where the househusband energy comes in. He's doing everything he can for you. His kind of lazy is bare minimum lazy, not total slack off. He'll do it for you

He's on your ASS about stretching. ALL THE TIME

He will message you sometimes but if it's a nerve problem it don't help at all for some people

Once you explain a handful of terminology he'll actually be interested in you work ramblings. There isn't ever a boring day, especially with dick bag coworkers

This fool will look downright mortified if you get talking about the not so fun part of the job. Not necessarily the deaths or gore, but the body waste hazards. Don't tell him till AFTER he's eaten any meal or it will ruin the whole appetite

He still listens even if it's gross. Why you chose this life, he'll never know

The job itself is painfully sad, most of the time. Usually everyone's too busy to have a minute to process most things. So if a well loved patient ends up dying, he'll try and be there for you

Literally had no idea what to do but let you just cry it all out while holding you. He'll barely say anything cause he just has no idea how you handle it as well as you do

Every now and then you'll see him in a window waving at you if he's in monster battle ground. The hospital never stops no matter what the warning is so you can get front row seats sometimes

He got knocked into the hospital one time and was like "oh hey hun" before hopping back into battle

You don't really have to ever patch him up after some fight but sometimes his friends that tag along are a different story. He'll be just showing you off and telling everyone what a good job you do as you're trying to stop some bleeding or some shit

Always boasting but he isn't aware of it, tbh

Be like "My partner, a doctor btw-"

When he explained how he lost his hair, you joked about it being alopecia. Now he's just contemplating his life and if it really wasn't hard work, just weird timing.

Because of how much you make, sometimes you take him out on a little bit more expensive dates, or get him really nice gifts.

He loves you but he hates it. The fact you have more money he can make in months is flabbergasting. Don't do this to him when you first meet it will scare him away

He's just grateful someone so smart and caring like you loves him. Ask him, and you're out of his league. He's a lucky mfr

[jxthics]

As somebody with zero knowledge of firearms who has never even held one: feel free to rant about the most common mistakes you see in movies and shows? I love that sort of thing!

OH I HAVE SO MANY HANG ON

(if anyone wants to keep this as reference you're welcome to!)

this list is nonexhaustive i could complain all day but here's some top ones

- BULLET PHYSICS. i don't really have an issue with bullet physics in terms of how they hit people because the research required for learning that usually requires like, looking at actual injuries? and i am pretty harshly against traumatizing some poor intern working in the entertainment industry with exposure to real violence just for the sake of "realism" when stylized violence would have been more interesting to look at from an audience standpoint and without cruelty from an industry standpoint. but everything else about bullet physics makes me so mad!! this is usually an issue with comics, but bullets do not fire with their shells on! BULLETS ARE NOT FIRED IN A CURVED LINE! if a bullet hits something, it will generally go through it unless it is very very thick! keep in mind what is behind your target!

- the amount of ammo a gun has. the number of times i've seen someone fire like, 15+ rounds out of a 6 shot revolver..... as a general rule of thumb, revolvers usually fire 6, a standard pistol USUALLY fires 10-15, though extended mags exist. in this specific instance realism would make your action scenes SO much better too so i dont understand why its skimped on! make your characters force themselves to contend with and manage resources!!!

- TRIGGER DISCIPLINE. this is an extremely hard rule when handling guns, you need to keep your finger off of the trigger until exactly when you are ready to fire. if you need to rest your trigger finger while holding a gun, that is what the trigger guard is for. it's fine if like, your guy has literally never held a gun before in their lives? but if they have even a slight understanding of handling guns, they're going to follow trigger discipline because that shit is insanely dangerous. so watching "trained assassins" or whatever wave around guns with their finger on the trigger drives me nuts.

- sound from guns! when someone fires a gun in a small room and then immmediately starts talking after? or like, someone fires a gun in a small room and then is 100% Profoundly Deaf For The Rest Of Their Lives? both of those are incorrect. make more of your badasses wear hearing protection pleeease they make electrical earpro that only blocks out sounds from guns and does not block out everything else so they can still talk. you don't have to make them wear full on cans you can just wear some earplugs. it's ok. i promise

- this one's kind of broad, but incorrect terminology almost always takes me out of it.... especially when the character is supposed to know their shit like lol you just sound like a douche. unless your character is using ammo that is designed to physically clip onto their vests they probably do not carry clips for their guns, they carry magazines/mags, for example. big badass people in action movies looove to talk about technical aspects of guns and just completely get it wrong, which is such a simple fix. and like... for the most part tech talk about guns isn't very advanced, it's not like scientific terms, they're usually slang terms meant to be understood by a lot of people, so if your character fucks up those it tells me that they do not actually know what they're talking about. in the very instance that is supposed to show me that they do.

and like... the thing that drives me up the wall with stuff that has to do with the user itself is that IT WOULD ALWAYS ADD TO THE CHARACTER especially in like long term tv shows. everyone has their own preferences on what they use and everyone does things in their own ways, especially if they are trained to work with firearms. it's not just "oh this guy's using a weapon" in most instances and it would tell so much about how they act!!!! are they militant about cleaning their guns, do they enjoy that part of the process? do they have favorites? do they prefer revolvers or automatics and if they have a preference, why? do they have a type of gun they dislike? why? if you're handling guns day in and day out for a long time you will inevitably develop these!! and it would humanize them so much..... i wanna see some guys in an action show on their downtime cleaning their guns, or some guys getting along by debating about AK vs AR. just like.... cmon. make your professionals look professional.

i could go on for waaaay longer but i will cut myself off here tysm for asking i go nuts on this stuff 🫂 UM AND IF ANY WRITERS ARE READING THIS the best way to avoid inaccuracies is by contacting someone who knows shit about guns to beta read, i promise you will not be bothering them. myself included cmere let me proofread your fics so i can tell you about your heroes firearms pspspspspsp

[sw1mmingfoolz]

How did you become fluent in Korean and how long did it take you? Just wondering because I've been studying on and off for almost 2 years and all I can do is read Hangul 😅😅

Hello there!! Honestly I feel this ask so hard and I will try my best not to rant (it is a long answer regardless though, apologies!) but I'm gonna preface this by saying:

DO NOT believe people who tell you Korean is easy.

This goes especially if your native tongue is English. Sure, learning Hangul is easy, and a lot of basic words are easy too, but Korean and English are basically complete opposites, and believing this will quickly cause you to become disheartened. The grammar is entirely different, verb conjugation can take a while to perfect, particle use is incredibly hard to get right because for Koreans it is more of an instinct than something learned and, maybe hardest of all, when self studying is can be hard to sound natural.

The biggest mistake people make is trying to 1:1 translate between English and Korean, which doesn't work because they're so different. For example you don't tend to use pronouns often in Korean like you do in English; using Papago (or, god forbid, Google translate) will often bring up words like 당신 (don't use this word in conversation like, ever hahaha) and 너 (only use this with close friends and people younger than you) or 그녀는/그는 (which are more written grammar and kinda rude to say unless talking about someone younger) instead of teaching you to use a person's name and social title, and this is one of many issues that result from that kind of 1:1 learning. So in theory it's rather easy to learn but you'll sound stilted and textbook-y.

So, in saying that, I want you to know Korean is a pretty big task if you want to speak it well. If you're happy enough with just basic enough Korean TTMIK videos have you covered pretty much (and if you wanna become fluent they really have you covered, as their in depth grammar videos, IYAGI and their cultural/Q&A videos are really helpful when dealing with what I mentioned above!).

I've been learning on and off for the last 8 years now, with the last roughly 4 spent seriously learning and honestly my speaking still kinda sucks because I only really started speaking frequently this year in person with a Korean friend. My reading, writing and listening are all way better than my speaking but I'm getting there with the latter! My main advice is to not neglect any of the four; if you can get a Korean friend to practise with that's incredible as they're easily able to tell you "no one really says that" or something (although don't just get a friend for the sake of bettering your Korean lol), but even if not I used to just narrate everything I was doing to myself, sit and create fake scenarios and act them out, or even talk to my dog (who doesn't seem to know Korean sadly 😤). For listening there's tons of practice on YouTube and Korean kid's cartoons (there's a lot of Korean dubbed Peppa Pig on YT that I've watched plenty of haha). For grammar I honestly recommend you properly learn English (or your native tongue's) grammar as I realised a lot of my struggles with Korean grammar was not knowing grammatical terminology due to English grammar being completely second nature to me. Immersion is more important than sitting down every day to write a bunch of random stuff you won't immerse for an hour; podcasts and even songs are good for learning on the go and flashcards are IMMENSELY helpful for particles and vocabulary! The Korean subreddit is also IMO a very underrated tool as very specific questions are answered on there :)

But my main advice? Just be nice to yourself. Not only is it hard to learn but a huge mistake we as language learners tend to make is wanting perfection immediately. To be crippled with fear so much you don't even speak is a death wish upon your learning. I still struggle with this, but meeting Hyunju helped a lot because she made me realise her English grammar sometimes isn't the best, or she'll sometimes use the wrong word or not know the right word, but I always understand her anyway and it's the same with my Korean. Speak as much as you can, crave the knowledge, watch and listen to as much Korean stuff as possible and you'll pick up words and grammar patterns without noticing, and don't give up.

Sometimes you may feel a little overwhelmed, for it is a lot to learn, by which point you should absolutely step away and just take a break. I think Felix once expressed this as well when he was asked about learning Korean but like, it's an entire language, it's a lot to take in, and sometimes it can really feel like too much. By then it is best to take a breather or you can quickly unravel your passion or want to study at all. It isn't a race, people learn at different speeds, and it does tend to take multiple years to be proficient!

Best of luck to you, and you (or anyone!) can always feel free to message if you need any specific help or a conversation buddy :) 응원하고 있어요~

[duodipersponsh]

Okay, I am not a professional (i've just been doing a hell lot of reading&watching) but PLEASE STOP STYGMATIZING DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER IN YOUR FANFICTION

I know writing about Winter Soldier who hunts and kills everything that moves and has nothing to do with an actual sentient human being is fun and cool (actually, no!) but

Dissociative Identity Disorder doesn't have to be about

- there's one dude who possesses me from time to time

- I have no recollection of what he does

- I have no idea who he is

- he is antisocial, cruel and dangerous

Now, what DID representation can actually be about? Well, thank you for asking, there are so many things to explore and so much variety!

First of all, look up the terminology and use it in your texts (not all of these will be relevant for every system): emotional protectors, persecutors, gatekeepers, child alters, sexual alters, non-human alters, host/hosts, body; inner world, fronting, co-fronting, co-conscious, switching, positive and negative triggers; dissociation, derealisation; integration, fusion, splitting; system communication; why the name of the disorder was changed (please stop saying multiple identities)

(You already know all of these? Try figments, introjects, fictives, dormant alters; OSDD and its types; age-sliding, inner-system relationships, dysphoria in fronting alters; uncovering hidden memories; dating a system. Too easy still? Try looking up disability in alters because apparently this happens a lot and we still don't know much about it.)

Not all of these things will be relevant to every system, but PLEASE start your research there. And no, splitting has nothing to do with that horrible movie😭

Basic stuff!

DID is a generally COVERT disorder caused by TRAUMA that happened while THE BODY WAS YOUNGER THAN NINE. No, you are not likely to get DID from a mission you went on with your buddy Steve Rogers if you were an adult already. Yes, it usually takes years to figure out you have DID. Yes, you will most probably need lots of therapy to learn to coexist with all of your alters, your amnesia (if you have any) and other things

Inner world/headspace!

It can be anything from a room to a city or even sth bigger than that. It can have its own laws of space&time. It can have "non-playable characters", i.e. non-alters. It can be visible to all alters, it can be hidden from the host (until they learn about their alters or forever), it can be very detailed or extremely vague

Alters!

There can be more than one! They can be of any age, race, gender etc! They can be animals, fairies, any sort of demons, spirits (do you see some great opportunities for your fics? Well I do!)

In most cases, the host will not know about their alters for years, and NEITHER WILL PEOPLE AROUND THEM. Yes, alters can have different personalities, they can protect other alters, they can punish them, they can be quiet or hyperactive, they can be a prescooler or have phd in something, they can have various accents, they may be non-verbal, they may have very special mannerisms but most of the time they will pretend to be the host

Then, one day your character may put all of the information they have together: memory loss, varying handwritings, maybe voices in their head or characters who come to them in their sleep, maybe they'll be helped by their friends or a professional. And maybe you could begin your plot here! Maybe they'll write in their diary something like "Hi, this is my name and I know you are out there. Please write back. You don't have to hide anymore. We are safe now." Maybe they'll receive an answer! Maybe someone will connect with them the next time they dissociate, maybe they'll be let straight into the inner world. Let's go, let's explore it together!

DID gives you an amazing opportunity to let the reader explore your world with the host, if they are yet to discover their DID or have only learned about it recently. Moreover, DID tends to give a system lots of surprises: dormant alters or ones that are entirely new (they don't have to be born because of new traumatic events!), memories no one even knew about, splitting and fusing.

However, you know what we totally lack in (fan)fiction?

DID systems that are functioning well!

Happy systems! Collaborating alters! Hurt&comfort! Fluffy fics! Inner communication! There is literally SO much you can do. Some systems aim for fusing all of their alters; others want to gain all of their memories back first; for some, getting to know all of their alters is still number one priority; some just want to coexist without fusing.

I know it's funny to write about a gloomy antisocial Winter who has a crush on Tony but cannot express himself. But please, we need more than that.

Please.

[labelleizzy]

Go. Fix things.

Six screenshots of a Facebook post by Meagan MvGovern:

Text ID:

I grew up in rental houses. Dozens of them. We never fixed anything, and I didn't know you *could* fix anything.

But when we got married, Mark owned his house, and when I moved in I was gobsmacked. This wasn't a rental! You could hang up pictures with nails? Buy new carpet? Get new flooring? Fantastic!

But when Mark went to replace rotten siding on the house, I was *horrified*. I couldn't believe that he'd do something like that to our house, that he wouldn't call a repairman. How could he know how to fix a HOUSE? A house is a specialized thing and needs a fixer.

But Mark ripped out the siding, and put in new siding, and painted it, and it looked just fine.

And then we needed a new hot water heater. And Mark took a saw to OUR PIPES IN OUR HOUSE. I was convinced he'd be dead and the house would be flooded. He pointed out that he was an engineer who designed the water systems at chemical plants and might know what he was doing. I wasn't convinced. But we had a new hot water heater in a couple of hours, without a plumber.

And so I watched Mark fix stuff over the years, but I didn't get how to do it.

I couldn't get the hang of the tools. I wanted to try carpentry, but I sucked at it. I tried fixing a few things, but didn't know how.

My dad was great at carpentry, but he left by the time I was ten, and all I knew from him about carpentry was that it was a mystical skill like glassblowing that you did as a way to show off your talent and you needed special tools and training. He liked to talk about how you had to hammer in a nail in three blows, and how the right hand tools made all the difference.

And whenever I tried to fix anything, it was all wrong. This wasn't meant for me. The tools were too heavy. I was too short for everything. I couldn't get crowbars to work. I couldn't lift the circular saw to go where I wanted it. Drills stripped out everything I tried. Nails bent, every time.

I couldn't keep track of tools, and they didn't work right anyway.

And then, slowly, I realized that the reason these tools didn't work for me is because they weren't built for me.

No, I can't use screwdrivers and hammers very well. And drills are heavy. And circular saws are way too big for my hands. And everything I want to do is always about a foot above where I can comfortably reach. Everything is awkward and hard.

And I started to see that it really is the tools, not the user. One year I got a set of lightweight, small, cordless DeWalt tools for Christmas and it changed everything.

I had a circular saw that fit my hands! One that was light enough to use everywhere, and that I didn't have to lug around extension cords for, and that I could take inside and outside for jobs.

And it turns out that you don't have to hammer in nails for every job.

You can get a thing called a driver, that's really a fancy cordless drill, but it screws in screws for you and has interchangeable bits and you can do huge amounts of work in a fraction of the time it takes to screw around with a hammer and nail.

If you get a good stepladder, all of the sudden, that screw that won't go in? It goes in like magic. You just have to know where to stand and when you're in the right place, it all works.

And there are Youtube videos for EVERYTHING, and they show you how to do it, and while sure, there is a guy who will mansplain everything to you at every hardware store, every single time, there are also a whole lot of men who listen to what you're asking, give you pretty decent advice, take you seriously, and show you exactly what you need to get the job done -- especially if you've watched enough Youtube videos so you know the right terminology and know what to ask for and how to explain what you're looking for.

People who I've asked for help with design, planning, and with tools have been patient, kind, and eager to help someone learn the skills needed to do the job.

And now I have a cordless driver, drill, and circular saw, all sorts of bits and batteries, a jigsaw, a weird tool that hammers nails into concrete with small explosions, a table saw (this one still scares me, TBH, and I avoid it, and there's no "small/inexperienced-person friendly" version of a table saw -- it's just a scary beast,) and about ten measuring tapes and squares because I lose them ALL THE TIME.

Mark does plumbing and electric.

I do all carpentry and painting.

And in the last two years, I've remodeled a storage room in my basement into a huge pantry, added a closet to the basement bedroom, put in French doors to replace sliding doors (this was a fail and they don't work right and might have to be redone but they work better than the sliding doors did!), put in vinyl flooring in two rooms in the basement, replaced the windows in the basement, took up carpet in the hallway and put down hardwood flooring, and then took up carpet on the stairs and put down oak treads.

Two years ago I couldn't run a saw.

And now I've rebuilt a barn.

Go get tools that work for you.

Use ladders to reach where you need so you can see things clearly. Having the right angle and the right perspective is everything.

Don't let tools made for other people keep you from fixing up your life to be the way you want it to be.

Go get the tools you need to do the job right, instead of thinking you're not the right person for the job.

Go fix things.

[theresa-of-liechtenstein]

17, 22 for the writing asks? 🌠

of course!! <3 sorry this took a literal day to answer, i got busy and #17... 🤧 let's just say i like talking about my WIP. also sorry this is like novel length, rivalfic is my baby

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists.

usually, cough. not very. but with my current WIP (the f1 AU) that couldn't be more different, mostly due to the nature of this fic. i unfortunately had the marvelous idea to write it just before classes started last year, which meant that while i have pretty much the whole of the first part (there will be two, each covering one season of f1) planned, i had little to no time to actually write it down. so i needed meticulous planning, not only to give me a good road map when i did get time to write, but also to motivate me to keep going.

i do a lot of writing on paper before typing it up (thank god im good at touch typing. i learned when i was 8 and have blasted many a coworker out of the water on the occasion that a typing competition is used as an icebreaker.) most of the time, if dialogue or a fake tumblr post or headline comes to mind, i can just add it to a document i have for that purpose. different pages are set up for different races. if you've read every point a pressure point, i don't go into detail for every race. i have just chosen the ones that i think are most important to the story, and will let the fake posts, headlines, and/or classifications speak for the rest.

speaking of the classifications, uh. this is probably the silliest part by far so bear with me and don't laugh.

this past term i finally learned to use a programming language other than html, and obviously with great power comes great responsibility, so i decided to visualize the standings using python. i've already decided the racing characters' classifications and point totals from the beginning and they've been sitting in a google sheet for a while, so this past weekend when finals were finally over, i just downloaded it as a CSV file and read it with the DictReader class in the CSV module and then visualized the data into plots using matplotlib (i'm sorry if my terminology isn't correct i just do things that i learned in class and look up the stuff that was out of the scope of that course lol)

so this is the result (warning for mild spoilers ahead i guess):

now that i've actually visualized the data i now realize that i may have to tweak some of the classifications (it is entirely possible that i have made ilya and linda score too many points for how high i want caledonian to finish in the constructor's championship) and also ignore the 0.5s on the x-axes i need to figure out if i can even get rid of those. i somewhat tried to model the teams' performances on historical precedent but i feel like i got a little too subjective on the points scoring. linda should probably have scored a bit less than how she is now, and ilya a little bit more. anywhey,,, i dont really know what im doing lol these are kind of just vibes

so yeah! i spend way too much time thinking about this WIP as you can see, it's a wonder ppl have indulged me this far tbh. i promise i think about other things

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

bestie not to make an already long reply longer but.

i plan to write two (longfic) parts in this universe, i think i've said this already: one covers therlinda rookie season (every point a pressure point) and the other their sophomore season (every point a surer step).

a lot of the parts of this universe are based on historical precedent, though it takes place in the quasi-present. any timings stated in the fic are directly pulled from real timing sheets specific to a track/race. in my head, the cars look like how they did in 2021: example below. so in essence the rear wing still looks like That, front still looks like that, no covers for the wheels like 2022 spec.

the calendar is based off the 2018/2019 f1 race calendar, with 21 rounds, and everything takes place in chronological order. mcn's performance difference from part 1 to part 2 is sort of based on a team that's currently on the grid (though doesn't follow its history very closely). but mcn in part 1 is definitely a backmarker team for reasons that i kind of still have to fully set and iron out. (bc i don't have the aerodynamic knowledge for that yet.) i imply that caledonian's performance equivalent/championship rival is alpha tauri, but i consider caledonian to be a true midfield team. the ultimate goal is for both theresa and linda to make it to bigger teams; ferrari and alpine (renault) specifically. this is in a universe where the title battle is between ferrari and alpine.

that being said, the two central conflicts in the every point a pressure point universe are not based on anyone in particular in the present, or any historic rivalry between competitors; it was literally borne out of me lying awake on vacation last year going from 'wow why do i approach theresa & douglas / linda & herc so similarly' to 'maybe they have parallels somewhere' to 'what if they were racers' to 'what if they hated each other and then banged' to 'what if this was intergenerational' to 'what if i wrote a fic about this' to 'god i know nothing about any of this, time to research'

i'm a relatively new fan to f1, so i don't think any of my opinions would be very welcome; i'm not looking to make any big statements about the sport either or moralize. i'm a firm believer of shutting the fuck up if you don't know enough about a specific thing/topic/issue and don't have the capacity at the moment to learn more about it. there are others whom i really respect who do have the time to go through and learn about the minutiae of the (MANY) issues of this sport but i do not have the time to do it, ergo, i leave the big statement-making to those good folks. yea, i mean, some of the characters' opinions are a little bit my own, but i don't really think they're that seismic: i think generally people would agree with it.

that being said, i think there's a really big takeaway (other than pleasure/enjoyment) that i want for anyone who reads through either of the two parts of this story; what i want to say, if you want to put it that way, is that life's too short to be petty, really. more than anything, we need each other, even those diametrically opposed. not everything is worth vitriol. as i said: i don't vocalize my opinions about the sport so often. i'm not vaguing anyone, really. i just believe very firmly that we need one another to survive. there's not enough room in our very full lives for hostility. also, like, heal your wounds before it's too late. it affects more people than you think.

yea not to get really too deep about any of this haha but as i said above rivalfic is kind of my baby and i really enjoy writing it; i know people find it weird and the universe comes totally out of left field and i feel like i'm diverging really far from the source material but then again theresa and linda never interacted in canon anyway so sorry tito juan 😩

[stardustedknuckles]

Wait wait so I was just reading through your Asami/Korra posts (which btw are a lovely read) and saw that you're aro/ace!! I'm trying to figure out where exactly I fall on the spectrum. Hypothetically, I like the idea of sex, romance, a relationship etc, but in real life it just doesn't click. I want all of these things having to do with a relationship and love, but I just don't get them y'know. I know the most important thing to do is just not really worry about it, but I was just wondering if you have any experiences or insight or anything you'd be willing to share about being aro/ace?

Btw i love your blog and hope you are having a good day! :)

Oh hi!! So if you go a little further you'll see I technically fall under aro/demi but it's shorter to go with aroace than aroaspec etc.

Anyway! Insights and experience.

Hmm...you know how when people ask your favorite book and you just forget every word you've ever read? I don't have ready-made insights but I can point you to a few wlw fics that might be from a different fandom but which were written specifically to explore the demi/gray ace identity and experience (promise I'm not pumping myself up, a huge number of my fics examine all kinds of stuff I've been through and I get lucky enough to have readers that connect in different ways!)

I will say that so much of what I write when it comes to vulnerability and trust has nothing to do with romance - in fact, the idea of writing romance gets me feeling all kinds of weird and wrong. It's just that to people who do experience attraction, my writing tends to look like their experiences of romance.

But the secret is that I've not really had that trust yet either. And I don't know if I can. I write vulnerability because I understand how it works on paper and I know I want it for myself, but I genuinely don't know how to let myself fall and trust that anyone will catch me. All my energy is spent not falling in the first place. Fic is wish fulfillment for the most part. I do have someone in my life who has seen me at my very worst and I trust her more easily than others with my bad parts because I can't get worse than when we were first friends (and neither can she). There's a kind of security that comes from seeing the darkest part of someone and vice versa, knowing years later that you made it work after that and you can make it work through anything. I'm not sure it's the same thing as learning to trust though. It's like a cheat code that came with a whole lot of strife I'm glad to be past.

Anyway the fics linked here will deal more with the sexual attraction side of things (or lack thereof) since the ship fandom I live in primarily has so much emphasis on trust and vulnerability and will (and therefore looks a lot like romance) but hopefully there's something in there that connects with you! Stay tuned, I might even go there a bit with korrasami depending on how long I stay fixated on them. :)

Fic 1: Discussions of asexuality/attraction and experience with a friendly third party (rated T)

Fic 2: Demi/gray sex and discussions of the experience thereof (rated E)

Fic 3: Demigray character confesses she feels like she might be broken, doesn’t have the terminology for what she feels but makes a pretty nice explanation nonetheless. (rated T)

Hope you enjoy, no pressure to read!

Edit: important note - I categorize her as demigray specifically because it’s one thing to develop attraction after a deep bond has formed (demi) and quite another for that attraction to still be fickle and unreliable in when and how often it shows up (gray). 

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hello sex witch! i've been a bit confused lately. the thought of sex or engaging in sexual activity has always given me really bad anxiety, to the point where I end up feeling physically ill. but I still sometimes feel the desire to look at sex related stuff, but immediately feel terrible after looking at any of it. I don't think sex is bad or anything, and it's really distressing that something normal causes me so much anxiety. do you know what could be causing this, or how to manage it? ty

hi anon,

this is a big question! let’s try to break it down piece by piece!

first off, it’s perfectly okay to not want to engage in sexual activity, for any reason. if the reason is “thinking about it makes me physically ill,” that’s okay. I would personally recommend that nobody does anything that makes them that anxious! it doesn’t mean that you secretly think sex is evil, it just means it’s not something that’s healthy for you personally to be engaging in. what a good thing to recognize about yourself!

again, just want to emphasize this here: it’s okay to have anxiety about something ‘normal.’ everyone’s normal is different, and there are hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people who are made uncomfortable any number of things that you probably think are entirely unremarkable. I’m not saying it’s not something to address with a mental health professional if you want, but I also don’t want you to think that there’s somehow something wrong with you for feeling this way. 

secondly: it’s also completely normal to be interested in looking at content relating to things that you personally wouldn’t want to take part in, or even particularly want to happen in real life. I really like Octavia Butler’s Fledgling, but I don’t particularly want to live in a psychic vampire sex cult. hell, I kind of like learning about real, non-vampire cults, but again - doesn’t mean I think they’re good or want to be in one. big difference!

so, why are you feeling yucky after looking at sex related material? (is it porn, anon? you can tell me if it’s porn. we’re broadly pro-porn in my little corner of the internet.) well, I can’t give you a single answer, because I don’t live in your head, but I can take a few educated guesses.

we’ve already established that sexual activity causes you a lot of anxiety. sometimes it can be difficult to resist the urge to look at something even if you know it might not be good for you. I think it’s sort of the mental equivalent of poking at your lip when it’s cracked, doing it over and over again even though you know there’s going to be a little pinprick of pain each time because the sensation is just sort of fascinating. 

I’ve certainly been known to partake in this somewhat irresponsible behavior. here are a few things that cause me varying degrees of anxiety: dead animals on the road, deep sea fish with too many teeth, the very existence of climate change. but sometimes when I’m on a walk and happen on a dead animal I stare at it for way too long anyway, or if I find a cool article about deep sea fish with too many teeth I read the entire thing, and boy howdy do I like genre fiction that takes place in the future after climate change has thoroughly trashed our lil planet. and sometimes I end up laying awake, desperately waiting for my melatonin to kick in, ruminating on that dead animal/fucked up fish/climate change, and I have to ask myself, was that worth it? 

(usually yes with the fish and the climate change, because I get to learn new things and read good books. sometimes even yes with the roadkill, honestly, because every time I see a decomposing deer I’m like ‘damn, I could make a really weird short story out of this.’)

anyway, what I’m getting at here is that it may be time to sit down and have a real hard conversation with yourself about whether your interest in sexual content is worth the way you’re going to feel afterwards. I can’t answer that for you, of course, but from what you’ve told me it sounds like the answer might be no.  

you may want to dig a little further than that - maybe there’s a particular kind of sexual activity or dynamic that’s especially upsetting to you? maybe you’re okay with text but not visual and audio? that may be useful to know for future explorations; I’m all for you easing yourself into engaging with things that make you uncomfortable in small doses, but only if you can do it in a way that’s minimally distressing. 

if you do some reflecting and realize, “oh, I have ESPECIALLY bad reaction when the sex involves twelve time-travelling viking werewolves all getting it on in a denny’s dumpster,” maybe it’s time to start avoiding the time-travelling werewolf viking public orgy erotica. (that’s obviously an extremely specific example, but it could be something much more subtle that you find upsetting - particular behaviors, terminology, scenarios, and so on. lots of people don’t like the fairly ubiquitous trope of characters hooking up after they’ve been drinking, for instance, because of how it can complicate matters of consent.)

if, having done that soul searching, your conclusion is “no, I think it’s just sex in general that profoundly upsets me and makes me feel wildly unpleasant,” then I have great news - the answer is to stop intentionally seeking that out. just... stop looking at the thing that makes you feel bad. sexual imagery is definitely hard to avoid in Our Society(TM) but you can at least make things easier on yourself by not seeking it out on purpose.