#so i've got a week to just focus on studying

[emgoesmed]

12/3/2022

I found @that-premed-student mini 10 day study challenge which seems like a good way to keep myself motivated while I'm studying for my neurology exam next Friday.

Today's to-do list:

anki

uworld 40q

neurology quiz 1

complete required patient encounters (8)

fold laundry + pack suitcase

groceries

[tardis--dreams]

You know what? I give up on this paper once and for all. I'm not even ashamed anymore

[batsandbabydolls]

I am straight up NOT having a good time right now

[nvrsaidiwasinurcloset]

Hiii love your writingggg, could you plsss do very innocent!reader and pervy!ethan 🫶🏻

Hiii! I hope you like it, even though you requested this MONTHS ago.

I'm not innocent, so I'm not the best at writing it🙃 Hopefully this is okay:)

Creep - Pervy!Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader

This contains SMUT - Minors DNI

Summary: You ask Ethan for help in econ, and once Mindy mentions the empty bedroom in the apartment she shares with Ethan and Chad, you agree to move in. But you realize that your sweet, dorky new roommate has been stealing your panties.

Contains: Pervy kinda creepy Ethan, innocent inexperienced reader, fingering. m!masturbation.

A/N: Okay...this needs a part 2 but I'm already at 5k words lmao. A lot of fics I've read along these lines had had Ethan more subby, but not in this one. 👀

*For the poll I posted earlier today, this one had the most votes at the time of me posting this fic. I'm going to write them all in the order that they're wanted:)*

It seemed like your life was starting to fall apart. You couldn’t stand your roommate, your boyfriend had broken up with you, and your grade for econ was starting to tank. When you brought up your grade to your professor after class, hoping to figure out some way to raise it, she suggested that you talk to Ethan Landry.

The next time you had class, you beelined towards him once he walked in. He noticed you, getting a little nervous the closer you got. He wasn’t the best at talking to girls, he even thought this could’ve been a figment of his imagination that the girl he struggled to take his eyes off was walking to him. He was chewing the inside of his cheek, his eyes not leaving you until you were finally face to face.

“Ethan, right?” you sweetly said, as he nodded. “I hear you’re the best for tutoring, and I desperately need your help if you have the time.”

“I’ll make the time,” he spat out, before he internally screamed at himself for sounding so desperate to help. “I mean, I can help you.”

“You’re a lifesaver,” you said, as you pulled out your phone. “What’s your number?”

“Oh, um…” he trailed off, racking his brain for those ten digits that he suddenly forgot. “I’m sorry, it’s been a long day.”

“It’s okay,” you smiled, “Are you okay with me just giving you my number and you can text me so we can set something up?”

“Yeah,” he said, as he pulled out his phone and went to create a new contact. He passed you his phone as you typed in your name and number, before you handed it back to him.

“Don’t forget to text me,” you said, a sweet smile playing on your lips as you turned to walk back to your seat.

“I won’t,” he said, tightly gripping his phone in his hand as you turned to smile at him once more.

He was struggling to focus as he sat through that class. His fingers kept rubbing over the phone screen that your thumbs had moved across, and he started to realize how pathetic he was for already being so addicted to you when you’d only spoken to him once.

Later that week, you were supposed to meet Ethan in the library to study. You both completely forgot about the renovations they were doing, the normally quiet space filled with the loud sounds of the various pieces of machinery on the opposite side of the room.

“Maybe we should try to do this some other time,” you yelled over the noise. “I can’t concentrate on anything you’re saying.”

“Oh, okay,” Ethan said, looking down so you wouldn’t see the sad look on his face. That’s when he started to get an idea. “My apartment is only two blocks away. It should be quieter. You want to come over to study?”

You liked to be cautious, and you normally wouldn’t go to someone’s apartment that you barely knew, but Ethan seemed innocent enough, and you desperately needed to pass the class so you wouldn’t have to take it again.

“Sure,” you said, wincing as the noise in the room got louder.

You walked beside Ethan as you went to his apartment, and even though it was just for studying, he felt a glint of pride as he walked with you. He hoped that anyone who saw you together would think you were his.

“Hopefully my roommates won’t be too loud,” Ethan sighed, as he stuck his key in the front door.

“Nothing is worse than what’s going on in the library right now,” you said, as he shrugged.

“You say that now…”

You barely made it inside when you heard arguing. Ethan sighed in defeat before he turned to you, “I moved in with my friends, and they’re constantly arguing.”

“Oh,” you giggled, as you followed him into the living room of the apartment. “Oh, hey Mindy,” you said, as she turned to you and smiled.

“Hey! What are you doing here?” she asked, as she walked over to you. Chad just stood there, still worked up from the spat they were having when you walked in.

“Ethan’s trying to help me not fail econ,” you said, as she nodded.

“I remember you mentioning you were having trouble with it.”

Ethan was confused as he stood there, because Mindy had never mentioned you, but she seemed to know you quite well. The two of you talked for a few minutes, and once Ethan heard another guy’s name get mentioned, he immediately got jealous.

“I’m proud of you for not giving him another chance,” Mindy said, as you let out a small laugh.

“I’m not going to say I didn’t think about it, but I don’t need him making my life any harder than it needs to be right now,” you sighed, “On top of the bullshit with him, my roommate is just so awful. Like, she woke me up blasting music before the sun even came up today. I’m trying to find somewhere else to live, but I haven’t had any luck yet.”

“Well, we’re looking for a fourth roommate…” Mindy trailed off, as Ethan’s eyes grew wide. “It’d be nice to have another girl here.”

“Don’t tempt me,” you joked, as Mindy smiled.

“Seriously, think about it,” she said, before she started to yell. “Chad!”

You noticed that the other boy was no longer in the room, but you saw him again as he turned the corner and groaned. “What?”

“Okay, don’t be rude,” she snapped, “I’m trying to convince her to move into the fourth bedroom.”

“Oh,” Chad said, his annoyed face turning up in a smile. “Hey, I’m Chad.”

“Hey,” you said, before he started to go over rent and other things you’d need to know. “Why would I want to move in when you two argue like this?” you joked, as Chad tried to play it off.

“We shared a womb, we lived in the same house until we moved into our dorms, and I finally got a break from her,” he said, as she scoffed, “But now we have to live together again and we’re trying to figure out how to do that.”

“I’ve never lived with boys before…and I’m sure my parents would kill me if they ever found out, but I’ll definitely think about it,” you said, before you turned to Ethan. “I’m sorry, you want to study now?”

“Yeah, let’s go to my room,” he said, as he led you there.

You both got settled on his bed. He sat across from you, his back against the headboard as you adjusted to get more comfortable, laying on your stomach. He bit his lip once he noticed the perfect view he had down your shirt, the neckline barely covering anything as your chest was pressed against his bed.

“So, where should we start?” you asked, your soft voice barely getting his attention as he kept staring at your chest. He wanted to squeeze your boobs, suck on them, fuck them, even. “Ethan?” you questioned as you looked away from your notebook, and opened your laptop, completely blocking the sight he was fantasizing over.

“Oh, uh…” he said, as he opened his laptop. “Maybe let’s work on the quiz that’s due this weekend. It’ll show me what you do and don’t need help with.”

You spent over an hour studying with Ethan, and you felt like you were having a little bit of a better understanding. You were starting to get hungry, so you closed your laptop. Ethan glanced over his screen the second he noticed, getting another peak down your shirt again. This time, he saw a part of one of your nipples peaking out of your bra, the sight making his pants grow tighter. He fought off the sound that was threatening to come out before you sat up, once again taking his perfect view away from him.

“I’m starving,” you said, as you started to put your stuff away. “But thank you so much for your help, and I hope you’ll want to keep helping me. You’re my only hope.”

He softly chuckled at your words, “If you move in, we can study whenever you want.”

“You’d be cool with it?” you asked, smiling at him. “You didn’t really say anything out there and I didn’t want to actually start considering it until you said something.”

“Yeah, I think it’s cool,” he said, “If you do want to, and you need help moving or anything, let me know.”

“Thanks, Ethan,” you said, smiling again before you made your way out of his room.

He wanted to walk you to the door, but he knew the second he stood up, his hard cock would be so obvious. He ran his hand over the spot you were laying on the bed, your warmth still soaked up by his comforter. The view down your shirt was burned in his brain as he got up and walked over to the door, shutting and locking it before he dropped his pants to give his aching cock the attention it desperately needed.

The next time you had econ, you walked in and sat down beside Ethan. He didn’t notice at first, but he soon smelled the familiar scent that he couldn’t get out of his head after you’d left his apartment a few days before. He wasn’t sure if it was your hair or the perfume you were wearing, but it smelled delicious.

“Hey,” he smiled, his pupils growing large as he saw you. “Are you okay?”

He took in the stress on your face, and how tired you looked.

“Yeah, are you sure you’re cool with me moving in?” you asked, “Because I can’t deal with my roommate anymore.”

“Yeah, of course,” he said, “What happened?”

“She invites her boyfriend to stay over whenever she doesn’t have class the next morning,” you sighed, “I don’t want to explain all the sounds I had to listen to while I tried to sleep last night.”

“Oh,” he said softly, “Well, your room would be beside mine, and I wouldn’t keep you up all night.”

“I bet that’s why I’m failing this class right now. I never sleep,” you said, as you looked over to him. “Wait, you don’t have a girlfriend that stays over?”

“No,” he said, his cheeks turning pink at your question.

“Sex is overrated,” you shrugged, “But I really thought you would’ve had a girlfriend.”

“Really?” he asked, as your professor walked in.

“Yeah, you’re a cutie,” you smiled, before you directed your attention to the lecture.

Ethan was thankful that you were so focused and didn’t see the cheesy smile on his face. The girl he’d been thinking about as he jerked his cock for the last few days called him cute, and his heart was swelling.

After a couple weeks, Ethan, Chad, and Mindy showed up to the apartment you currently lived in while your roommate was at her boyfriend’s to help you move.

“First, I want you guys to know that none of this mess is mine,” you said, as soon as you answered the front door for them.

“Whoa,” Chad said as he glanced around. “There’s no way you live with a girl.”

“Yeah, you’ll never guess what I found on the kitchen floor this morning,” you said, as Mindy started to think.

“With the mess, I’m going to guess…dead mouse?”

“Not even close,” you said, as you shook your head and shuddered as you thought about it. “It was a condom.”

“Like…in the wrapper or…?” Chad asked, as you, once again, shook your head.

“Used.”

“Ewwww,” Mindy said, cringing at the thought.  “Okay, is anything in the kitchen yours?”

“I already boxed that stuff up. Except the dishes that she’s refused to wash,” you said, as you led them to the living room. “The TV is mine, and that lamp,” you said, as you pointed, “But other than that, I really just have to worry about my room.”

“I think it’d be best to have all the heavy stuff in the living room so Ethan and I can worry about that,” Chad said, as you nodded and led them down the hall.

You had already packed up most of your room, which made it so easy for your new roommates to help you. Once Chad was carrying your mattress out and Mindy had ran out to get coffee, Ethan started to glance around your room. He noticed the hamper full of clothes in the corner, and he found himself inching closer towards it as he listened to you and Chad talk in the living room. Before he could stop himself, he grabbed a shirt off the top of the pile, inhaling its scent. He let out a deep breath before he went to put the shirt back in the hamper, before he noticed some black lace sticking out under a pair of your jeans. He snatched it out of the basket and put it in his pocket before he put the shirt back in it once he heard footsteps coming back down the hall.

“Did you need help with this?” Ethan asked, pointing to the basket, trying to make it not seem like he was being weird.

“Shit, I forgot to do laundry,” you groaned, as the realization hit him that the panties he’d grabbed had been worn. “I’ll carry that out.”

“Okay,” Ethan said, before Chad motioned for him to help with the dresser.

Later that day after you got your stuff moved into your new room, you flopped on your freshly made bed as Mindy popped in.

“So, I’m going to try to convince the guys to share a bathroom so you don’t have to share with Ethan,” she said, as you shrugged.

“It’s not a big deal,” you said, “I just hope he doesn’t mind all the girly stuff in the shower and the makeup and stuff.”

Ethan didn’t mind at all. In fact, he’d already been in the bathroom, smelling your body wash, your shampoo and conditioner. The skincare products you used. He realized that all those things together were the cause of the scent that made his head spin.

Later that night after you had takeout with everyone, Ethan excused himself to go to bed. He couldn’t stop thinking about your panties that were still in his pocket. Once he pulled them out, he ran his fingers over the lace before taking in your scent. He softly groaned before he dropped his pants, the thoughts of his face buried in your pussy making him harder by the second. He had them tightly clutched in his fist as he started to stroke himself with his free hand, small whimpers flying out of his mouth as he tried to imagine how soft your hand would feel wrapped around him. His bottom lip was in between his teeth once he started to get louder, the tip of his cock red as be brought himself closer to the edge. Just as he was about to cum, he deeply inhaled the scent of your panties one more time before he rubbed them against the tip of his cock, his thick, white ropes covering the lace.

You thought living with boys was going to be difficult, but your first month wasn’t bad. You were surprised at how clean they liked everything to be, and Ethan always put the toilet seat down. You started to get close to your dorky roommate, especially once you spent so much time studying together. You already thought he was cute, but once you actually got to know more about him, you realized that he was so sweet, so nice. He might’ve been a little shy, too, but he got to the point where he was doing cute little things to make you laugh.

One day, you went to do your laundry in the apartment. You walked over and were about to throw stuff in when you noticed clothes were already inside, and Ethan quickly rounded the corner with the rest of the stuff he needed to toss in.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” he said, “You want me to take my stuff out? I can wash it later.”

“No, it’s fine, I’ll wait,” you said with a smile, before you noticed something familiar in the washer. “Oh,” you said, your cheeks turning pink as you reached out and grabbed your panties out of the washer. “Must’ve dropped these in.”

Ethan’s eyes grew wide as he noticed them in your hand, the realization hitting you that they were sticky.

“Eww, what is all over these?” you said, a disgusted look on your face as you tried to figure it out. You looked over to Ethan, his face bright red and his eyes huge, when you pieced it together. “Ethan…”

He just stared at you, the silence deafening as he tried to think of something, anything to say to you. He’d gotten away with stealing your panties for a month, but it was a way for him to feel close to you, and satisfy some of the sexual frustration he had whenever he thought about you.

“What’s on my panties?” you questioned, as he tensed up. “Actually, I don’t think I want to know.”

You tossed them back in the washer and walked past him and headed straight to the bathroom to wash your hands. When you went to your room and shut the door, Ethan huffed and tossed in the rest of stuff that was in his hands before he started the washer.

As the day went by, you couldn’t stop thinking about Ethan, and how you’d noticed that pairs of your panties had been going missing ever since you moved in. But then you’d randomly see them again, in the top drawer of your dresser after a few days. You didn’t think Ethan was like that, and it made you feel a little uneasy to live with him.

Later that night, you had to say something to him. You walked out of your room and glanced around the apartment for him, before you walked to his closed door and started to knock. He eased it open after a few seconds, his eyes connecting with yours through the small crack.

“Can we talk?” you asked, as he took a deep breath and hesitantly opened the door for you.

You walked in and took a seat on the side of the bed, your gaze on his floor as you tried to think of the right way to talk to him.

“You want me to leave the door open,” he asked, barely above a whisper as you shook your head no.

“If Mindy or Chad come home, I don’t want them to hear the conversation.”

“Thanks,” he mumbled, before he took a seat beside you. “I’m sorry.”

“Why were you stealing my panties?” you asked, as he took a deep breath.

“I can’t explain it without sounding like the total creep you probably already think I am.”

“So…that was what I thought it was on them,” you said, as you turned to look at him. He nodded, looking away to not meet your gaze.

“Again, I am so sorry,” he said, “I know you probably hate me, and I understand if you don’t want to be around me. I’ll stay in my room so you don’t have to see me.”

“I’m just a little confused,” you said softly, as he finally let his eyes connect with yours. “What’s so exciting about my panties?”

At that moment, one thing you said to Ethan started to play in his head. ‘Sex is overrated.’ He was questioning how much experience you actually had.

“Do you really not know or are you fucking with me?” he questioned.

“Like, does it feel good? How does it even turn you on?” you asked, curiously staring at him.

“They uh…yeah, it feels good when I uh…rub them on myself. And they smell like you.”

“They smell like fabric softener and laundry detergent,” you said, a small laugh slipping out as he shook his head.

“I haven’t been stealing clean ones…they smell like you.”

“Oh,” you said, as you looked away from him. “That turns you on?”

“You have no idea,” he said, and even though the conversation was uncomfortable, he was getting hard.

“Why are guys so weird?” you thought out loud, laughing a little as you shook your head. “So does that mean that you like me? Or you’re like…sexually attracted to me? I still don’t fully get it.”

“Both,” he said, “I think you’re so beautiful, and I’ve had so much fun with you this last month…but I also think about you in a different way, too. Ya know?”

“I’ve thought about you that way, too,” you admitted, “It’d kind of hard not to. I hear you through the walls all the time.”

“You’ve heard me?” he asked, a blush spreading to his cheeks. “I’m sorry, I know you hated when you heard your old roommate.”

“I like it when I hear you,” you said so softly that he barely heard it.

“Do you touch yourself when you hear me?”

Your breathing got heavier at his question, and Ethan noticed. You were getting so flustered under his gaze.

“I…I’ve tried to,” you said, as you took in the curious look on his face.

“Tried to?” he asked, “What do you mean?”

“Like…I know what feels good, but I can never get myself…there, if you know what I mean.”

“You’ve never made yourself cum?” he questioned, admiring how cute you looked as you got embarrassed.

“No one has.”

“No one?” he asked, his throat dry at the thought. “Are you a virgin?”

“No…but I’ve never enjoyed sex. Like, it feels good, but I think it’s so disappointing when you hear how amazing orgasms are and then I just never get one.”

Ethan expected the conversation that was happening to go so differently. He thought you hated him, but there you were, telling him that you’d tried to get yourself off when you’d heard him. The thought of him being the first one to make you cum had him salivating, but he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable if he offered.

“Have you ever…given someone an orgasm?” you asked, as he nodded. “I’m jealous of whoever she is.”

“Don’t be,” he said, scooting a little closer to you. “Fuck, I’d make you cum all the time if I could.”

“Really?” you smiled, “If you ever want to, I’m right next door,” you joked, as he smiled and shook his head.

“Hey, don’t offer that or I’ll be in your room every day.”

You were starting to squirm against his bed, your thighs rubbing together so subtly that he could barely tell. The sexual tension was so thick, your breathing getting heavier as you thought about how good Ethan would make you feel.

“I think I need to go back to my room,” you said, as you started to stand up. That’s when you glanced at Ethan’s lap, noticing the tent in his sweatpants.

“Do you really want to?” he asked, “Because if you want me to take care of you right now, I will.”

“Seriously?” you questioned, as he smiled and nodded.

“Come here,” he said, reaching out to grab your hands, pulling you to him.

Once Ethan leaned in to kiss you, he was almost taken aback by how quickly your lips were moving against his. He was desperate for you, but you were just as desperate for him. He matched your pace before he pushed you back on the bed, his hand running from your hip, up your ribs, until it landed on your breast. You gasped into the kiss once he squeezed it.

You had massive butterflies in your stomach once you felt his cock pressing against your thigh through his sweatpants, your head was spinning, but you were loving every second of it.

“Hey, I have an idea,” he said, once he pulled away to catch his breath. “I think we should go to your room.”

“Why?” you asked because you didn’t want to stop. You needed his lips back on yours.

“Because you have that full length mirror leaning against your wall,” he said, chuckling once you noticed the confused look on your face. “I want you to see what I’m doing to make you cum…in case I’m never here to help you.”

“Okay,” you said, as he stood up and grabbed your hands.

Once he opened his bedroom door, he listened to make sure he didn’t hear anyone else in the apartment before he walked out and to your room next door. He shut and locked your bedroom door once he made it inside, before he pulled you into another kiss. His hands held onto your hips until they started to rub against the flesh under the hem of your shirt. He kept inching it further and further up, until he pulled away to pull it over your head. His lips went back to yours as he reached around to unhook your bra, his hands squeezing at your breasts once they were free.

His mouth moved to your neck as his hands explored your body, before they snaked under the waistband of your leggings. He moved them down over your hips as you shimmied out of them, leaving you in nothing but your panties. He recognized them as the first pair he ever stole, the black lacy ones.

“Fuck,” he mumbled, as his hand moved to rub you over your panties. The material was soaked as you moaned at the feeling. “That feel good?”

“Yes,” you said, quickly nodding your head just in case he needed the extra confirmation. “So good.”

“I hate that I have to take these off you,” he said, as he inched the fabric down your thighs, leaving you completely nude in front of him. “I’m going to sit on the floor in front of the mirror, and I want you to sit between my legs.”

“Okay,” you said, as he took a seat on the floor, his legs spreading for you to sit. You did as he said, looking at him in the mirror as he spread your legs, placing your feet on either side of his legs on the floor.

You watched him lick two of his fingers before he placed them against your clit, rubbing slow circles. Your eyes stayed on the reflection of his hand, your mouth parting as you started to breathe faster. He added a little more pressure as you fully relaxed back into his chest, the softest moans slipping out as he went a little faster.

“Ethaaan,” you whined out, the noise quickly becoming his new favorite sound.

“Shh, I don’t know if anyone else is here,” he said softly, “Just keep your legs spread for me, baby.”

He rubbed a few more circles on your clit before his fingers moved lower, one of them slipping inside you. He pumped it in and out for a minute before he added another, as you angled your neck to look up at him. He leaned down to kiss you as his fingers moved, before he started to mumble against your lips.

“If you ever finger yourself, this…” he said, as he curved them just right, a low moan flying out of your mouth, “Is the spot that needs attention. Okay baby?”

“Okay,” you whimpered, as he moved his fingers faster.

The sounds you were making just kept getting louder, and Ethan was just hoping and praying that no one else was home. One of your hands clung to his thigh as your other hand wrapped around his wrist, as you started to feel…different. It felt so good, and the last thing you wanted was for him to stop. Once he went even faster, the squelching sound of your wet pussy and your whimpers filling the room, your legs were trying so hard to close as your toes curled against the carpet on the floor.

“Oh my god,” you moaned, your fluttering eyes watching his hand in the mirror as your body started to tingle.

“Cum for me baby,” he encouraged, as you finally let that feeling wash over your body. You were jolting, your eyes screwed shut as his fingers started to slow, his free hand roaming your chest as you let out all your sounds.

Once you fully relaxed in his arms, he placed a kiss to the top of your head as your hazy eyes connected with his in the mirror.

“Now you can’t say no one’s ever made you cum,” he said with a smile, as he slid his fingers out of you. “Did it feel good?”

“That was better than I thought it was going to be,” you said, “Thanks, Ethan.”

“You’re welcome.”

You sat there in silence for a minute as you felt his cock pressing against you, and you wanted so badly to take care of him, until you heard commotion in the apartment.

“Hey, guysss,” Chad yelled, as he walked down the hall.

You tensed up as you glanced at your door, before Ethan whispered, “It’s okay, I locked it.”

You relaxed again before Chad started to yell again, “Tara’s here!”

You forgot about hanging out with Mindy and Tara for the night, and you didn’t want to pull away from Ethan, but you hesitantly did, your legs wobbling as you tried to stand. Ethan got up to help you, and once you got your bearings, he started to grab your clothes off the floor for you.

“Thanks,” you said, before you noticed him pick up your panties.

“No, thank you,” he joked, a smirk playing on his lips as he backed towards your door. “I’ll see you when you get back in the morning.”

“I better still have panties in that top drawer when I get back.”

[queenshelby]

Our Little Secret (Part One)

Pairing: Dark! Cillian Murphy x Virgin! Reader

Warning: Smut, Age-Gap, Daddy Issues

Notes: This will not be a love story. It will be dark, twisted and kinky. Cillian is portrayed as totally off cannon.

It was a Friday evening when you came home after a long day at school. At 19 years of age, you were in your final year with only six weeks to go until graduation and whilst you were one of the oldest students in your class after having spent a year in America with your father, you sure were not confident.

You struggled to settle in, especially after your mother Sarah remarried rather quickly, and whilst you liked your stepfather Frank a lot, you felt somewhat out of place at his house.

Frank had a big family, including three brothers and one sister. His oldest brother happened to be no other than Cillian Murphy, an actor you had admired since you turned sixteen. 

Your mother told you about him before he showed up for dinner one night, cautioning you to be friendly, and ever since that evening, getting Cillian out of your head was impossible. 

Your heart skipped a beat when you saw him walk through the door. He looked even more attractive than he did onscreen. His slightly grey hair, piercing blue eyes, and strong jawline sent shivers down your spine. 

Cillian was in his forties, just like your stepfather Frank, but this did not really bother you, and as the evening wore on, you could not help but feel increasingly drawn to him. Thus, when you heard that he would come over again tonight, you were ecstatic. 

As soon as he walked through the door, your heart raced faster than usual, making it hard to catch your breath. 

"Hi," you managed to say, forcing yourself to stay calm despite how much you wanted to reach out and touch him. 

"Hi Y/N, how have you been?" he replied, taking off his jacket and hanging it up and following you into the living room after your mother yelled out from the kitchen, telling him to take a seat as Frank would be home soon.

"I've been well. And you?" you asked, and he confirmed that he too kept well following which there was an awkward silence between you two for a few moments, both of you clearly feeling the magnetic pull toward each other. The chemistry was undeniable, making it difficult to focus on anything else but your growing desire for one another. 

Finally, breaking the silence, Cillian spoke softly, saying, "So, what do you usually do on Fridays?" 

You hesitated for a moment, trying to think of something interesting to tell him.

"Fridays, I am at school," you chuckled, and Cillian felt silly for asking.

"Right, of course. Frank told me you spent a year in America hence, you have not finished year twelve yet. How was that like?" Cillian asked as he moved closer, his gaze burning into yours.

"It was good. I learned a lot about different cultures," you told Cillian, feeling your heart racing. 

"That must have been quite an experience! So, what made you come back? Your dad lives over there, doesn't he?" Cillian asked, leaning back against the couch with a hint of flirtatiousness in his voice.

"Yes, he does. I missed Ireland, though, and I needed to finish school to start university," you explained. "My friends here in Dublin are great, though; they made the transition easier," you then informed Cillian, who nodded in understanding, continuing to study your face with those captivating eyes before, finally, his brother Frank arrived home.

Your heart sank, feeling the sudden interruption, although you could sense the anticipation and excitement between Cillian and you. However, you both knew that now was not the right time because Frank was present.

Frank and Cillian engaged in some small talk while you sat in and listened, which is when Cillian brought up his recent fight with Danielle.

Danielle was Cillian's wife, a beautiful actress, but you did not care for her. It seemed she always got under your skin. Even Frank admitted that Danielle could be somewhat high maintenance and, clearly, Cillian was over her constant antics.

It seemed to you like they fought a lot , and even though it wasn't your business, you found yourself wondering if, perhaps, Danielle might be part of the reason why Cillian felt so drawn to you. There was a certain magnetism between you two, even if you had not explicitly acknowledged it yet. Cillian's wife had always irritated you somehow, and the thought of him potentially wanting to escape from her was tempting.

"Do you mind if I crash here tonight? I am not keen to go home," Cillian eventually asked his brother Frank as it was getting late, and, of course, he did not mind.

"Sure, you can have the guestroom upstairs, man," Frank suggested, knowing full well that his wife would not appreciate him sleeping elsewhere on such short notice. But he was his brother, after all, and thus, he did not care about the consequences. 

With that, your mother handed Cillian a pillow and blanket, and your father poured him another glass of wine before they continued their conversations.

Just as they talked, you could not leave your eyes off him, imagining what it would be like to kiss him and what it would feel like to hold him close. You blushed just thinking about it and tried concentrating on the adult talk around you.

This continued for quite a while, but since both your parents had to work the following day, at around ten o'clock that night, they decided to retire to bed, leaving you and Cillian alone on the couch.  

As they left, Frank gave Cillian a pat on the shoulder, wishing him a good night and then, after a little small talk between you and him, Cillian too made his way upstairs, leaving you all alone on the couch. 

Your eyes locked onto Cillian as he walked away, and you could not help but stare at his rear end as he ascended the stairs. Your heart started racing again, your body craving to get closer to him. 

As he reached the top of the stairs, he glanced back down and caught you looking at him.

As his eyes met yours, a shared understanding was passing between you. It was a silent agreement that neither of you could ignore. The electricity between you was palpable, and it was clear that something had to give.

Your eyes alone motivated Cillian to come back down, and as he slowly descended the stairs, he never once broke eye contact with you.

Silently, he then approached you on the couch, sitting beside you and placing his hand gently on your thigh. 

"This has been a good evening," he whispered, causing your heart to race wildly.

"What do you mean?" you asked, feigning ignorance, but both of you knew exactly what was meant. 

"Oh, nothing specific," he responded, his eyes searching yours, the desire between you two evident.

You could not control the heat radiating from your cheeks nor the swelling in your chest.

With his hand still on your thigh, you nervously cleared your throat.

"Why don't we watch a movie? You do not seem tired yet," you nervously suggested, desperately trying to change the mood.

Cillian raised an eyebrow, seemingly intrigued by your suggestion.

"Are you sure that watching a movie is what you want to do?" he asked, his voice deep and husky.

His fingers moved gently along your thigh, drawing circles, and sending shivers down your spine.

"No..., or maybe yes. I do not know," you stammered in response before inhaling sharply.

"Fuck, I am sorry, Cillian, I just find myself struggling to keep my eyes off you," you then blurted out, your heart pounding loudly in your ears, feeling like a fool.

He chuckled lightly, his warm breath caressing your cheek. "I have noticed, and, to tell you the truth, I can’t keep my eyes off you either," Cillian told you before he paused for a moment, his fingertips grazing the sensitive area behind your knee.

"So, instead of watching a movie, do you want to show me where you sleep?" Cillian asked teasingly and with quite some confidence, causing you to gasp.

A mix of excitement and fear coursed through your veins as you struggled to breathe properly. "You want me to take you to my room?" you murmured, allowing his hand to move higher up your thigh.

"Yes," he whispered, his voice dripping with lust.

“But, you are married,” you ought to point out, causing Cillian to chuckle again.

“Yes, I am, but I am sure you can keep a secret,” he told you, and you nodded shyly, cheeks blushing.

"You know, I haven't had sex in weeks," he confessed, his voice more profound than ever, causing you to swallow harshly. He certainly knew what he wanted, and he was rather direct and forward about it.

"Is that true?" you asked, your heart racing.

"Yes," he replied, running his finger along your thigh, sending shivers down your spine. "But I won't pressure you into anything," he reassured you.

You were taken aback by his candour but also found it oddly arousing. "I... I have not either, I mean never...I never had sex before," you admitted, biting your lip nervously.

Cillian smiled, reaching over to place his hand gently on your cheek. "Don't worry. If you're ready, I'll take it slow and ensure you feel comfortable." His tone was reassuring, causing a wave of relief to wash over you.

Feeling emboldened, you stood up from the couch, brushing off any lingering embarrassment. "Alright," you whispered, moving closer to him, and as you reached out to touch his face, he took your hand, leading you towards your room.

The room was quiet, lit only by the moonlight filtering through the window. As you led Cillian to your bed, a sense of anticipation filled the air.

The silence between you was suddenly deafening, heightening the tension. Each step seemed to echo in your ears as if amplifying the magnitude of the moment. As you reached your bed, you turned to face him, your hearts pounding together.

His eyes bore into yours, conveying a mix of desire and tenderness. He slowly reached for your hands, intertwining his fingers with yours, giving them a gentle squeeze.

"It will feel good Y/N, I promise," Cillian told you in a low, reassuring voice.

Your heart raced, and you felt a flush of nerves sweep through your body.

"Okay," you whispered, your lips trembling slightly, and as you let go of each other's hands, you couldn't help but glance down at his crotch, wondering what lay beneath those dark jeans.

You could see the longing in his eyes, mirroring your feelings. Without further ado, he took off his shirt, revealing his toned physique.

"May I kiss you?" Cillian then asked, seeing that you had not crossed this line just yet.

"Yes," you replied, your voice barely above a whisper. As you inched closer to him, you could feel your heart racing in your chest. The room was now bathed in moonlight, casting an ethereal glow upon the scene. You gazed into his eyes, lost in the depths of their intensity before, finally, his lips crashed onto yours in a passionate kiss.

Cillian's hands roamed your clothed body as your tongue danced around his. His touch was tender as if he were taking great care not to scare you off. Slowly, he removed your shirt, exposing your delicate skin to the cool night air.

Your breasts quivered in the moonlight. Cillian's eyes widened, clearly appreciative of your natural beauty. He gently cupped one breast, causing you to shiver slightly.

"No bra, huh?" he teased, his voice rough with emotion. You blushed, feeling exposed but also exhilarated by his words.

"Uh-uh, I don’t like wearing a bra," you simply stammered in response as, quickly, he unbuttoned your jeans as well, and you nervously wiggled out of them.

"You are beautiful," Cillian told you, gazing over your naked figure, and you blushed in response.

"I-I didn't think you would find me attractive," you stammered, your voice cracking slightly.

Cillian smirked, raising an eyebrow.

"Don't underestimate yourself, Y/N. Now, lie down and let me show you how good I can make you feel," he commanded, his voice deep and authoritative.

Obediently, you lowered yourself onto the bed, your heart racing in anticipation.

Cillian soon he followed suit, positioning himself between your legs, his hands gently exploring your curves.

He trailed his fingers down your stomach, tickling your soft skin and making you giggle. His fingers traced the outline of your breasts, eliciting a shiver from you. Finally, his hand reached your hip, encouraging you to open your legs wider.

Slowly, he slid his fingers down the inside of your thigh, stopping just short of your clothed crotch. He gazed at you with hooded eyes, his expression intense. You found yourself holding your breath, anticipating his next move.

Cillian, sensing your growing impatience, decided to remove his pants, revealing his thick, hard cock straining against his briefs. Your eyes widened, unable to look away from the powerful erection before you.

As he leaned forward, he whispered in your ear, "Do you trust me, Y/N?" His voice was low and husky, causing a shiver to run down your spine. You nodded without hesitation, your heart pounding in your chest.

"Yes, I trust you," you answered, your voice wavering slightly.

"Good, then take off your panties for me," Cillian said, his voice low and seductive.

Your eyes widened, and you hesitated briefly before nodding. With trembling hands, you removed your last piece of clothing, leaving you completely vulnerable and exposed.

Cillian leaned forward, capturing your lips in a fierce, passionate kiss, sending a surge of excitement through your body. His hands travelled down your smooth back, stopping just above your ass, before slowly sliding back up, teasingly tracing the curve of your lower back.

"Open your legs for me. Let me touch you," Cillian commanded, his voice hoarse with desire. You hesitantly complied, moving your legs apart so he could touch you.

"You look so fucking sexy like this," Cillian then whispered before proceeding to gently slide his index finger across your entrance, circling it teasingly.

Moaning involuntarily, you arched your back, seeking more contact. Cillian obliged and tentatively slid his finger into you, causing you to gasp. His eyes were locked onto yours, watching your reaction closely.

"So tight," he whispered, gently kissing your neck, and you took a deep breath, trying to relax and calm your nerves. It was strange being in this new territory, experiencing something so intimate with someone you barely knew.

"Have you ever touched a man before?" Cillian then asked before wiggling, with his free hand, pulling down his briefs.

"No," you stammered as you looked at him. He was even bigger than you thought and more imposing than you imagined.

"Give me your hand, Y/N," Cillian said gently before reaching for it and guiding it towards his cock.

"Touch me," he whispered, his voice a deep rumble. Nervously, you obeyed, feeling the heat radiating from his body as you tentatively wrapped your fingers around his thick shaft. Your heart raced, and you could feel the warmth of his flesh against your palm. Cillian closed his eyes, savouring the sensation as you began to stroke him gently.

At the same time, he circled his fingers over your clit, applying light pressure as he experimented with different rhythms. You groaned, feeling your body start to heat up.

As you continued to play with his shaft, Cillian increased the intensity of his movements, causing you to whimper in delight. The combination of your touches and his expertise sent a wave of pleasure coursing through your body.

Cillian pulled you close, kissing you deeply, his hand now circling your clit firmly, drawing moans from your throat.

His mouth left yours to trail kisses down your jawline to your neck, causing your body to shudder with desire. His fingers moved faster, pressing harder, as your body quaked, losing control of the waves of pleasure washing over you.

"Oh god!" you cried out, gripping his shoulders tightly, your fingers digging into his skin as you drowned in the sensations cascading through your body. Your mind went blank; the only thing you were aware of was the overwhelming sensuality filling your world.

"Sssh, your parents are right next door," Cillian warned you. "You need to be quiet," he told you, but it was not just fear of discovery that made you quiet; it was the intensity of the moment.

Every muscle in your body tensed, waiting for the next wave of pleasure to crash over you. Cillian, with his experienced touch, knew precisely what you needed. Gently, he shifted your body, guiding you into a new position.

As he settled on top of you, right between your spread-out legs, you felt his hardness against your softness, the contrast making you feel even more desirable.

"Do you want me to wear a condom?" Cillian asked, hoping that the answer would be no.

"I am on the pill. What would you prefer?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper. Cillian smiled devilishly, knowing you were curious about what was to come.

"I would rather fuck you bare and cum inside you," Cillian said confidently, his tone filled with raw masculinity. His confidence seemed to be having a powerful effect on you, making you wetter than you realized.

"But I'll use a condom if you insist," he added, his voice softening.

"No, I trust you," you replied, finally embracing the adventurous side you had been hiding from everyone else.

Without further ado, Cillian kissed you deeply while supporting your weight with his strong arms. He teased your nipples, rolling them between his thumb and forefinger, causing a pleasant tingle to shoot through your body. The sensation was both foreign and familiar, amplifying the connection between you two.

As his hands roamed your body, his fingers explored your secret places, triggering even more feelings you had never experienced before. Your arousal grew rapidly, and you found yourself yearning for more of his touch.

Cillian, sensing your growing eagerness, shifted your position again, spreading your legs wider apart and then positioning himself against your entrance again.

His length was already leaking precum into your slid and the feeling of it mixed with your own arousal created a sensation unlike anything you'd ever experienced before.

"Is it going to hurt?" you asked nervously, breaking the intense connection you shared. Cillian smiled reassuringly, cupping your face in his hands and kissing you softly.

"Only at first," he assured you, his eyes brimming with tenderness. "I'll go slow, alright?" Cillian asked, his voice deep and commanding, causing you to nod.

“Okay,” you whispered as he began to press his tip against your entrance, slowly, gauging your readiness. Your body tensed and quivered in anticipation, each movement from Cillian causing you to writhe in excitement.

The head of his cock finally entered you, causing a sharp exhale from you as your body accommodated his size. Despite the painful sensation, there was also an indescribable pleasure in taking him deeper. Your breath caught in your throat, tears welling up in your eyes.

This was it, this was your first time, and you could not help but feel overwhelmed. You grasped Cillian's shoulders tightly, finding solace in his strength and experience.

"You're doing great," Cillian reassured you, his voice soft and tender. "Take deep breaths and the pain will fade," Cillian encouraged you as he pushed into you further.

"You are taking my cock so well. Such a good girl," he whispered, his voice laced with desire as you nodded, trying to concentrate on the task at hand.

Cillian gently started moving his hips, slowly pulling almost all the way out before plunging back in, giving you a chance to adjust to his size. You winced in pain but also felt a strange sense of empowerment that this man's presence was enough to make you feel desirable despite the pain. Each thrust brought a mix of pleasure and discomfort, but as you got used to his size, you learned to focus on the sensations and not the initial pain.

The feeling of him filling you, his cock gliding effortlessly in and out, was beyond words. The erotic friction between your bodies heightened your arousal exponentially. You became addicted to the rhythm of his hips, the sound of his grunts, and the way his sweaty skin slapped against yours.

Cillian, reading your body language perfectly, sped up his pace, picking up the tempo and pushing deeper inside you. The pleasure became more intense, overpowering, and overwhelming.

The rhythm between you both picked up, a perfect symphony of moans and grunts echoing throughout the room. Your body bucked beneath him, craving the fullness of his cock, the sheer force of his passionate embrace, and the unyielding intensity of their connection. With each thrust, the walls seemed to disappear, leaving you suspended in a sensory-rich universe where nothing existed except for the primal, primordial need to mate.

You moaned louder, and Cillian placed a hand on your mouth.

"Shh, remember to be quiet," Cillian told you with urgency, and you nodded again, understanding the gravity of the situation and how it would affect your relationship with your family if discovered.

This newfound sexual awakening had brought forth a wildfire that burned brightly yet dangerously close to the flammable tinder that was your family's innocence.

His hands were rough from years of playing his craft, yet gentle when they caressed your body. Every touch left a burning trail across your skin, igniting passion within you.

You grabbed onto Cillian's shoulders with all your might, his muscles rippling under your palms. Your cries mingled with his growls, creating a symphony of animalistic fervour. Your entire being seemed to be alive with electricity as you moved together in perfect harmony.

Cillian's hand found its way to your breast, squeezing and pinching the sensitive nipple. You let out a soft moan, arching your back to push your chest closer to his hand.

Cillian responded by placing a warm, rough kiss on your neck, sending shivers down your spine. Your heart raced, fuelled by the intensity of the moment. His fingers trailed down to your lower stomach, brushing against your clit, making you squirm with desire. His touches were both rough and tender, combining elements of dominance and affection that sent your body spiralling into ecstasy.

His tongue danced along your earlobe, making you pant with anticipation.

"Let's change positions. I am not ready for you to cum just yet," he eventually told you as he could tell that you were close to orgasming again, following which you would probably be too sore to continue.

"I want to enjoy this for a little longer," Cillian teased, and your lips parted slightly, surprise written all over your face. It seemed impossible to deny yourself such a release after coming so far. But something about Cillian's words, his voice full of control and authority, made you trust him completely.

You reluctantly agreed, though deep down, you ached for the satisfaction of reaching climax. Instead, you focused on the sensations coursing through your body, each stroke of his hand drawing you closer to the edge without allowing you to fall over.

"How do you want me?" you asked, feeling daring in the darkness of the room. Cillian's eyes gleamed with desire as he contemplated your question.

"Turn around and present your ass to me," he ordered, his voice deep and authoritative. Your heart quickened with excitement at his dominance, obeying him instinctively. You turned around, presenting your bottom to him, feeling vulnerable yet excited by the thought of being taken from behind.

Cillian grabbed your hips firmly, pressing his hard cock against your wet entrance, eliciting a soft moan from you.

As he prepared to enter you from behind, he whispered in your ear, "Remember, it might hurt a bit more in this position, but I promise it won't last long."

You nodded, trying to brace yourself for the unexpected sensation. Feeling a surge of power and control, Cillian positioned himself firmly behind you, holding you tightly. As he took hold of your hips, you felt a sudden burst of pain, but your determination to please him kept you steadfast.

"Breathe, darling," Cillian whispered in your ear, his deep voice echoing through your body, bringing both comfort and arousal. You closed your eyes, focusing on the sensations as Cillian pushed forward, gradually filling you up. The stretching sensation combined with the lingering pain caused you to whimper softly, but Cillian continued to whisper sweet nothings in your ear, promising relief soon.

With every thrust, you grew accustomed to the pain as he hit your cervix, focusing instead on the pleasurable pressure building up inside you.

Cillian began to speak dirty, his words fuelling your arousal even more.

"That's it. Good girl. Take it all, feel how good it is," he commanded, guiding your body to accept his larger size. His tone, a mix of dominance and love, left you yearning for more.

The rhythm of your bodies became a symphony of groans and gasps, the energy between you two undeniably potent. Your moans echoed through the dark bedroom, a testament to the raw desire you both harboured.

Cillian gazed to where you were connected, and the evidence of your innocent lost spurred him on even more. There was a smudge of fresh blood on his cock, a mark of his conquest over your virginity. It filled him with pride, and he wanted to claim you entirely. He increased the pace of his thrusts, pounding into you with a savage intensity. He pulled your hair back, exposing your neck, then kissed it softly, his lips trailing down to your collarbone.

Your moans turned into a low wail, halfway between pain and pleasure. Cillian's touch became rougher, his movements more urgent, mirroring your own growing hunger as he covered your mouth with one of his hands.

"Don't scream, okay? We don't want anyone hearing us," he whispered; his breath hot against your ear. His other hand gripped your hip, steadying you as he thrust into you harder, faster. You cried out, the pain shooting through your body like an electrical current. Despite the pain, your body responded instinctively, meeting his thrusts with a rhythm of its own.

Cillian's lips moved closer to your ear, his voice dropping to a seductive murmur.

"I can feel you wanting to cum, aren't you, sweetheart?" He knew exactly what buttons to press to get you going. The simple mention of your desire was enough to make your knees go weak, and you could no longer bear the exquisite torture of his cock lodged deeply inside you.

Feeling overwhelmed by the intensity of the moment, you couldn't help but lose yourself in the sensations coursing through your body. Your hands fisted the sheets, seeking purchase amidst the swirling chaos of desire and confusion.

"Good girl. Keep taking me a little longer,” Cillian whispered in your ear, his deep voice causing your body to tremble. Your mind was reeling with the sensations coursing through your body, making it difficult to concentrate on anything else. The only thing you could focus on was Cillian's cock, driving into you harder and faster. Each thrust elicited a sharp cry from you, but the pain only served to heighten your arousal.

He gripped your hair, pulling you backwards slightly and angling your head towards his shoulder.

"Keep breathing, baby," he whispered into your ear, his breath hot against your neck. Your heart raced with anticipation, your whole body pulsing with desire.

Despite the pain and the discomfort, you craved more. You knew there was something special about this man, something irresistible that drew you in. Your body ached for him, and your soul yearned for the connection he provided.

"You're so beautiful," he breathed into your ear, his rough voice making your stomach flutter.

"Almost there. Good girl. I am going to fill you with my cum soon," Cillian promised, his voice heavy with lust. Your breath caught in your throat at the mere idea of his cum filling you. Your hips bucked involuntarily, seeking more of his cock, begging for it to penetrate deeper.

With each thrust, Cillian's voice dropped lower, becoming rougher with desire.

"That's it, baby. Let go and take me all the way," Cillian urged, his voice hoarse with desire. Your muscles contracted rhythmically around his cock, milking him until he couldn't hold back any longer and you climaxed together, his hand covering your mouth as you did.

His voice rose with excitement, "Fuck, baby!" he growled into your ear, the sound resonating deep within you. With a final powerful thrust, Cillian erupted inside you, his entire body shaking violently. His arms held you tightly, burying his face in your neck as he came. Your body shook beneath him, wracked with aftershocks of pleasure, the room filled with the scent of sex and sweat.

"Hmm," Cillian groaned, still inside of you, releasing the last of his cum.

His chest heaved heavily as he tried to catch his breath. Your body was limp and heavy beneath him, spent from the intense sexual encounter until, eventually, he pulled out of you.

Cillian looked down at where you were joined, his eyes fierce with passion.

"Don't move," he said, keeping you on all fours as his hand reached underneath you, finding the wetness between your legs as you leaked his cum from your gaping hole, tinged with a tinge of blood.

Cillian's thumb rubbed the outside of your hole tenderly, spreading your combined juices over the entrance before slipping a finger into you slowly. You gasped, your body reacting to his touch despite your exhaustion.

"So full with my cum," he marvelled, admiring your resilience as his fingers circled and probed inside you.

"Is that blood?" you asked, looking back over your shoulder.

"Don't worry. That's normal," Cillian assured you gently, his thumb continuing to rub the entrance of your body, coaxing it to accept his finger again.

"This was our first time together, and it may take some getting used to," Cillian pointed out as if he wanted to do this again sometime.

"You will probably be sore for a few days," Cillian warned, pulling his finger out of you, and as he did, you felt the residual warmth of Cillian's seed inside you.

"Please...please let me clean myself." You whimpered, ashamed of the mess you had become.

"Not yet. Not until I take a picture of your pussy, leaking my cum," Cillian said before he reached for his phone, switching it on.

"Let me take a photo of you right now". With his index finger, he spread open your labia, showing off your hole, filled with his cum and blood. "There. This proves you are mine", he added, his voice low and dangerous.

You blushed, feeling embarrassed and exposed. "Can we please just clean up now?" you implored, wishing you could somehow disappear from the situation, which was both, arousing and embarrassing.

But Cillian was relentless, snapping photos of you and your exposed body. The sight of your defiled body filled him with a mixture of satisfaction and possessiveness.

As he took photos, Cillian's dominant side intensified, his eyes darkening with lust. He spoke to you in a tone that brooked no argument, telling you to remain silent and still. The combination of his authoritative manner and your fear of his reaction, if you refused, made it impossible for you to object.

After taking multiple pictures, Cillian finally decided that you were sufficiently documented.

With a sense of triumph, he switched off his phone and returned it to his pocket.

He stood up, allowing you to pull yourself into a sitting position. You felt incredibly vulnerable, with your legs spread wide apart, leaving you exposed. You were completely at his mercy, and you knew it.

Cillian approached you, his steps deliberate and confident. As he knelt beside you, he ran his fingers gently along your inner thigh, leaving a trail of electricity in their wake.

Your skin prickled with awareness at his touch, and your breath caught in your throat. He traced circles around your entrance, teasing it with his touch. Your body responded involuntarily, pushing forward into his caresses.

"We should get a hotel room next time," Cillian suggested, his voice laced with a hint of arrogance, knowing fully how much he had affected you.

You nodded, trying to regain control of your racing thoughts. "Yes, that would probably be better," you agreed, not daring to look directly at him as, finally, he reached for the tissues on your bedside table.

Gently, he began to clean you up, carefully removing his seed from your body. You could not bring yourself to watch, instead looking away and focusing on his movements, which were slow and gentle, never rushing. When he finished, he offered you the tissues to clean yourself further. Grateful, you accepted them and proceeded to do so, feeling a mix of shame and relief wash over you.

"I should probably leave you now," Cillian said, standing up and putting on his clothes.

"No, wait." You insisted, suddenly needing to express your gratitude. "This was fun. Thank you," you said, and Cillian smirked.

"I will show you more fun after school next Tuesday if you are game," Cillian said, giving you a suggestive grin.

"Tuesday sounds good," you replied, trying to match his boldness, even though you were unsure if you were ready for more.

Cillian leaned in, placing a light kiss on your forehead. "Be good," he commanded, flashing you a devilish smile. Then, he left your room, leaving you alone to process everything that had just happened.

Your body trembled, still humming with the aftermath of their intimate encounter.

You couldn't believe what had just transpired between you two, but at the same time, you found yourself wanting more.

Your cheeks flushed as you recalled Cillian's commanding presence and the raw intensity of their connection.

[thatdammchickennugget]

Twists Of Fate

pairing -james potter x fem!reader

summary - a chance reunion at a wedding leads to unexpected sparks between you and james

warnings - shitty ex, james is a danger to everyone around him, fluff

wordcount - 2.2k

You're standing near the edge of the dance floor, nursing a glass of champagne and pretending to be deeply interested in the intricacies of your friend's wedding decor. The fairy lights twinkle overhead, casting a warm glow on the happy couples swirling around you. You try to focus on the joy of the occasion, but your mind keeps drifting back to the events of the past few weeks.

Your ex-boyfriend, the one who decided that your relationship wasn't worth more than a passing fling, is here. And not only is he here, but he's here with a new girl, draped on his arm like the latest fashion accessory. Every time you catch sight of them, your heart twists painfully in your chest.

"Hey, you look great," he says after walking up to you, a smug smile playing on his lips as his new girlfriend giggles beside him. "Too bad things didn't work out between us, huh?"

Before you can formulate a response that doesn't involve throwing your drink in his face, he leans in closer, his voice dripping with faux sympathy. "Listen, I just wanted to say that I hope we can still be friends, you know? It's not like we ended things on bad terms or anything."

You bite back a bitter laugh, nodding along as if his words actually mean something to you. In your opinion, him cheating on you and then blaming his mistake on you left you far from ‘on good terms’. Inside, you're seething with anger and frustration. How dare he waltz in here with his new conquest, acting like he's the picture of decency?

But just as you're about to excuse yourself and find someplace else to drown your sorrows, a voice interrupts.

"Sweetheart, there you are! I've been looking everywhere for you."

You blink in surprise as James Potter, of all people, strides up to you, an easy grin on his face. He slips an arm around your waist, drawing you close. His touch is warm and reassuring, a stark contrast to the icy dread pooling in your stomach.

"James?" you murmur, more to yourself than to him.

Of course you remember him from school. Everyone knew of him. You had talked to him once in a while during your time at school, mostly when he found himself interrupting your study sessions with Remus in the library, but since graduating two years ago your paths hadn’t crossed again until right now.

He doesn't miss a beat, his eyes twinkling mischievously. "Sorry I'm late, love. Got caught up trying to find a decent tie. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find one that matches your eyes?"

Your eyes fall down to his broad chest on their own accord, and to your surprise, his tie actually happens to match almost perfectly.

Your ex is staring, slack-jawed, clearly not expecting this turn of events. James turns to him, raising an eyebrow. "Oh, I don't think we've met. I'm James, her date."

"Date?" your ex echoes, the smugness evaporating from his expression.

"Yes, date," James repeats cheerfully, his tone dripping with sarcasm. "You know, the person you bring to events like this to remind you what it's like to have someone who actually appreciates your company. But hey, I get it, it can be confusing for some people."

You can't help but stifle a laugh at the way he says it, his tone so breezy and unbothered. You decide to play along, slipping your arm around his in return.

"Thanks for coming to find me," you say, trying to sound as natural as possible. "I was just about to head back to the dance floor."

James winks at you, his grin widening. "Anything for you, darling."

As he leads you away, you glance back to see your ex still standing there, looking utterly flabbergasted. It's a small victory, but it feels monumental.

"You didn't have to do that," you murmur once you're out of earshot.

James shrugs, his expression softening. "Seemed like you could use a hand. Plus, it’s always fun to mess with someone who clearly deserves it."

You laugh, the tension in your shoulders easing a bit. "Thanks. I owe you one."

"Oh, I plan to collect," he says with a teasing glint in his eye. "But for now, how about a dance? You know, to really sell the whole 'date' thing."

You roll your eyes but can’t suppress the smile tugging at your lips. "Alright, Potter. One dance."

As you follow James onto the dance floor, the music envelops you, its lively beat washing away the lingering discomfort from the encounter. James wastes no time in taking the lead, his movements smooth and confident as he guides you through the crowd.

"So," he says, his voice close to your ear as he spins you effortlessly, "how's life been treating you since Hogwarts?"

You can't help but chuckle at his casual demeanor, the tension of the evening melting away with every step. "Oh, you know, the usual. Trying to navigate the treacherous waters of adulting and all that."

James grins, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "Ah, yes, the dreaded adulting. I hear it's a real beast but I wouldn’t know anything about that."

You nod in agreement, your laughter mingling with the music. "Tell me about it. Sometimes I wish I could just go back to worrying about O.W.L.s and Quidditch matches."

"Hey, at least in the wizarding world, adulting comes with the added bonus of using magic without getting into trouble," James quips, twirling you expertly before pulling you back into his arms. "Although, I suppose dealing with an ex at a wedding could be considered a form of dark magic."

You playfully swat at his arm, unable to suppress a grin. "You're terrible, you know that?"

He grins back, his eyes alight with mischief. "Guilty as charged. But hey, at least I'm charmingly terrible."

As the song shifts to a more upbeat tempo, James takes advantage of the moment to unleash his dance moves. Except, instead of smooth and confident, his movements are more like a cross between a flailing Hippogriff and a clumsy first-year attempting a Transfiguration spell.

You can't help but burst into laughter at the sight of him, his arms flapping wildly and his feet stumbling over each other. "Merlin's beard, James! Are you trying to hex the dance floor or something?"

He shoots you a mock offended look, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "Oi, watch it! I'll have you know, I'm a dance prodigy in the making."

You raise an eyebrow, unable to contain your grin. "Prodigy? More like a disaster waiting to happen."

Undeterred, James continues to dance with reckless abandon, his movements becoming increasingly exaggerated with each passing moment. He spins and twirls, his limbs flying in all directions as if controlled by an unseen force.

"Alright, alright, I admit it," he says between gasps for breath, his cheeks flushed with exertion. "Maybe I'm not the next Fred Astaire, but at least I'm having fun. And getting to see that pretty smile of yours is worth making a fool of myself."

You can't help but feel a warmth spread through you at James's words, his sincerity cutting through the playful banter. Despite his less-than-graceful moves, there's an endearing charm to his earnestness that you can't help but admire.

"Well, in that case," you say with a teasing grin, "I suppose I can forgive your questionable dancing skills."

James grins back, his eyes shining with amusement. "Gee, thanks. I'll try not to let it go to my head."

As the music continues to pulse around you, you find yourself caught up in the moment, dancing with James in a whirlwind of laughter and joy. Together, you move in sync, your steps perfectly imperfect as you twirl and sway to the rhythm of the music.

Just as you're both getting into the swing of things, James's exuberant movements nearly send him crashing into an elderly witch who's been watching the dance floor with a bemused expression. You gasp, reaching out instinctively to steady her, but James, ever the smooth talker, beats you to it.

"Whoa there, almost lost my footing!" James exclaims, flashing the woman his most charming smile. "But don't worry, I'm as steady as a Hippogriff on a broomstick."

The elderly witch chuckles, her eyes twinkling with amusement. "Well, steady or not, you certainly know how to liven up a party, young man."

James grins, his charm dial turned up to maximum. "Why, thank you, ma'am. It's all in a day's work for a dashing wizard like myself."

You can't help but roll your eyes at his shameless flattery, but the elderly witch seems thoroughly charmed, her laughter filling the air as James regales her with tales of his misadventures on the dance floor.

After a few minutes of chatting, you gently suggest that perhaps it's best to continue the conversation off the dance floor to avoid any more accidents. The elderly witch nods in agreement, bidding James farewell with a fond pat on the arm.

As you lead James away, the two of you share a knowing grin. "Smooth move, Potter," you tease, nudging him playfully.

James chuckles as he throws an arm over your shoulders. "What can I say? Charming old witches is just one of my many talents."

You shake your head in mock exasperation, but there's a warmth spreading through you at the easy camaraderie between you. Despite the chaos of the evening, being with James feels surprisingly natural, as if you were hanging out with an old friend rather than just an aquaintance.

At the bar, James orders a couple of drinks, and you find a quiet corner to settle into. The soft glow of the fairy lights creates an intimate atmosphere, and as you sip your drink, you find yourself relaxing in his company.

"So," James begins, leaning back in his chair with a playful glint in his eyes, "tell me something interesting about yourself that I wouldn't know from our Hogwarts days."

You ponder for a moment, swirling the liquid in your glass thoughtfully. "Well, I've developed quite the talent for baking since leaving school. There's something therapeutic about kneading dough and watching it rise."

James raises an eyebrow, his interest piqued. "Is that so? I'll have to enlist you as my personal pastry chef sometime."

You laugh, nudging him playfully. "Don't get your hopes up. My baking skills might be up to par with your dancing."

James chuckles. "Well, I guess that means we'll have to stick to takeout for our first date then."

You raise an eyebrow, a playful smile tugging at your lips. "Are you asking me out on a date, Potter?"

James leans in, his grin widening. "Consider it a formal invitation. How about dinner at that new Italian place in Diagon Alley tomorrow? I hear they have the best tiramisu."

You pretend to mull it over, though your heart is already racing with excitement. "Hmm, Italian food and dessert? Sounds tempting. I suppose I could pencil you into my busy schedule."

James feigns offense, placing a hand over his heart dramatically. "Penciled in? I demand top priority, thank you very much."

You laugh, the warmth of his playful banter melting away any lingering reservations. "Alright, you win. Dinner it is."

"Excellent," James says with a satisfied grin. "I'll pick you up at seven, then?"

You nod, feeling a rush of anticipation at the prospect of spending more time with him. "Seven it is. I'll be ready."

As you both finish your drinks, James suddenly feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns to see the elderly witch from earlier, a twinkle in her eye.

"Excuse me, young man," she says with a smile, "but would you care to dance with an old lady like me?"

James's grin widens at the unexpected invitation. "Of course, I'd be honored!"

He shoots you an apologetic look before following the woman onto the dance floor, leaving you chuckling at his eagerness. Watching James twirl the elderly witch with surprising grace, you can't help but feel a fondness for him grow.

As you observe them dance, you realize just how lucky you are to have him by your side tonight. Despite the chaos of the wedding and the presence of your ex, James has managed to turn what could have been a disastrous evening into one filled with laughter and joy.

After a few minutes, James returns to your side with a sheepish grin. "Sorry about that. Couldn't resist the opportunity to show off my moves to a new audience."

You laugh, shaking your head in amusement. "No need to apologize. You’re quite the hit out there."

James beams at the compliment, his eyes sparkling with excitement. "Well, I aim to please."

As you both make your way towards the exit and he bids you farewell with a cheesy kiss on your hand, you can't help but feel a sense of anticipation building within you. Tomorrow's date with James suddenly feels like the highlight of your week, and you can't wait to see where this newfound connection will take you.

James Taglist - @urmomsgirlfriend1 @remussbitch @starsval @whoknowsbut @gayforyelena @marauderswhxre @ravenclawprincess33 @helpimhopelesslyinlove @Yhiiil @themarauderswife7 @ihatemyexs @starsval @bath1lda @Allshitsangiggles @mildly-delulu @vcosette @rinalouu @agent-tempest @S0urw00lf @pinkestfloyd @l0v3do11 @Unstablereader @wolfstar-marvelsfan @captainstanksblog @pinktreee @ceehance @andrew-and-flower @cas-planet @csmt_m @poppysrin @camille-1019 @Laniirackssss @bshwrites @slytherinambitious @notyaslol @txzii @yourenogoodforme @starzioo @darkenwolfie @bunnyweasley23

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[copperbadge]

I was diagnosed with depression when I was seventeen, the "this will probably keep happening your whole life" kind of depression, but aside from some really rough moments in my mid-twenties I coped pretty well; by the time I was living in Chicago I could see a depressive episode coming and I had techniques to ensure I got through -- kept going to work, kept making and eating food, kept myself and my home clean.

By the time I went in for my ADHD assessment I hadn't had an episode in a couple of years, and when I had they weren't particularly severe. So when I got the ADHD diagnosis and started studying what that meant, it seemed evident to me that what I'd been experiencing wasn't depression but rather exhaustion from unrecognized burnout. Which was a good thing -- it meant that with medication it probably wouldn't happen much or if it did it would be very mild.

But it turns out that clinical depression and ADHD can coexist! All discovery is useful, but this one was a real pain in the ass.

For the last couple of weeks I haven't had a ton of energy for doing anything, in a way that I recognize from previous episodes. The coping mechanisms did kick in; I pulled way back on chores and hobbies, focused on keeping caught-up with my job, made sure I was doing the minimum level of cleaning and didn't worry too much that I wasn't doing more. Looked after the cats, made time and saved energy for socializing. Didn't have much energy for longform writing but I had enough focus to work on short stories, so I messed around with those.

I'm okay in the specific way where I'm not a harm to myself or others and perfectly competent to run my own life, I'm just not real happy about any of it.

The longer I go managing my mental health and the ADHD, the more important the "show jumper" metaphor I came up with has become for me. Because yeah, firing on all cylinders and with Adderall I can basically do any task I aim myself at -- but with depression, even with the medication, it pulls backwards into "Okay, well, I guess put the horse over the jumps it'll take, not the ones you want it to take."

But I've been maintaining decently and this morning it turned out I wanted to cook a bunch of food, so even though what I really need to be doing is mopping the floor and vacuuming the rugs, I'll take "cooking enough pizza sauce to drown a small animal while boiling some pasta" and "making a nice loaf of beer bread". And hopefully the burst of energy means it's resolving itself, and the floors will get done sometime this week when I don't have to be baking bread or making pasta salad.

I'm very carefully saving my second daily Adderall dose until I'm ready to do the massive stack of dishes the cooking led to. Gonna take this horse over the goddamn dishes jump whether it likes it or not.

[ikeuverse]

LOVE SHOT — p.jongseong

PAIRING: cop!jay x investigator fem!reader  GENRES: fluff, humor, slight (really light) angst  WC: 9.7k+

WARNINGS: some cursing, mention of betrayal, a slight brawl near the end. nothing to worry about, but let me know if i've forgotten anything else.

SYNOPSIS: after being betrayed, jay was never able to fall in love with anyone again, even more so in his work environment. but that thought would not remain the moment he laid eyes on you, entering the meeting room as his new work partner in the investigations.

NOTES: i didn't want to focus so much on professions or the work environment itself, but i wanted something out of the ordinary (offices or coffee shops) and i thought of something more humorous, apart from the betrayal part, of course. idk if i'm 100% satisfied with this story, but all feedback is appreciated. i hope you like it!

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Working can be both tiring and rewarding. Tiring because you put in hours – sometimes a few extra – a day throughout the week. Rewarding because you get paid for it and often end up enjoying what it can bring you.

Jay believed that work went much further than that. Being in the police force for eight years had its good and bad sides, and he couldn't romanticize something that, time and again, took his mind off things.

The good side: he applied to join the police at the end of university, as a joke with his best friend – who ended up applying three days after him – and guess what? They both got in. The aptitude test was positive and all they had to do was accept that they now had a job. You wouldn't want to throw away the years you spent studying for something that had nothing to do with the police, but after a few years, the rewards came.

For his excellent performance, still on the good side of his job, being promoted to head of special operations was something Jay never thought he'd do. Perhaps Jake, his best friend, was better suited to it. He was stronger, more agile, and had certainly been on more missions than Jay himself.

Don't belittle your achievements, Jake told him with a huge smile, content with his position as deputy boss. Because the two had always been a duo since they joined, it wouldn't be fair for Jay to move up and leave his friend behind.

But not everything could be described as a good thing, after all, there is a bit of negativity in all of this. Not just because he works to combat bad things. That was the least of the problems at the police station. But because Jay knew that being in that environment would make him experience everything intensely.

Downside: getting involved with a coworker.

Where's the downside, Jongseong? As it was easy to remember the good things, the bad things came just as easily.

Like the greatest romance cliché, Jay liked the girl straight away. Her light hair and easy smile for anyone in the department made him smile too. But it wasn't just the smile that ended up being easy. Jay had to find out the hard way, dating for three months and a week before learning of his long-awaited promotion.

Everyone at the police station knew about Jay and Yuri, the criminal cases clerk. She had joined almost a year ago, attracting the attention of some of the police officers she worked with. It was normal, after all, Yuri was pretty, and practically all the women – and there weren't many of them – who worked at the police station were pretty.

"Maybe that's a requirement for working here," Sunoo joked once in the café when Yuri walked past them.

"Or maybe they put pretty girls to the test," Heeseung, an investigator and friend of the boys, suddenly hummed.

Jay laughed, knowing that his friends were too stupid. Or maybe they were right.

But apart from being pretty, Yuri didn't really like Jay. Or he thought of that possibility as soon as he saw her with her tongue down the throat of a policeman he didn't even know, doing each other in the break room on a shift when he was supposed to be at home.

That's why she was there with another man. Yuri knew Jay's routine, and going to the break room at a time when he wasn't at the police station would be perfect for no one to catch them.

But Jay had forgotten his coat the night before and needed to put his uniform in the wash. He didn't like leaving clothes hanging and dirty.

My coat saved me from the worst, he thought as he took a long stride out of the room, leaving under the shouts of Yuri calling his name.

"Jay, wait!" she gasped, running to him as the boy rushed down the stairs.

He almost jumped down two steps at once but stopped himself because he didn't want to twist his foot or hurt himself. So he tried to go as fast as he could until he felt Yuri's hands on his arm.

"What do you want?" he asked in a string of voices, holding back all his anger so as not to shout at her.

Firstly because they were on the stairs and it would make a huge echo, and secondly because Jay, even if he was nervous, would never shout at a woman. Even if she deserved it.

"It's not… No…"

"Don't tell me it's not what I think, because I saw it" that tone sent a chill down anyone's spine. Both Yuri and the people at the police station had only ever seen Jay talk like that in some negotiation – almost non-negotiable – or with some guy who challenged the battalion they worked in.

"This is all your fault" she said after a while when she saw that Jay wasn't saying anything, now seeing the horrified expression on his face "You're too focused on the job and…"

"Because I'm paid to do that, Yuri" he interrupted her "Not to mention that we work in the same environment, we see each other every day" Jay took a few steps towards her, tilting his face so that it was level with his – now ex – girlfriend "And I've always taken time out, in all my breaks, to see you. So what's my fault that you cheated on me right under my nose?"

Silence. One sigh, two, three.

Jay knew that was the cue to leave, so, disengaging Yuri's hand from his arm, he left as hurriedly as he had before.

And that had been the last conversation he had with his ex before, a week later, he learned of his promotion to boss.

Jay didn't want people to feel sorry for him or treat him differently after what had happened. For a long time, he had to deal with painful looks in his direction, and sometimes his colleagues wanted to drag him to some dance club to try and forget what had happened.

The only one who understood was Jake. Being in the same office as his best friend helped him keep his sanity when someone made some kind of comment, even if it wasn't a mean one, about what had happened.

It lasted a couple of months and he wanted to punch himself for ranting and hinting that something had happened. But as soon as his relationship became known, he knew that the break-up and betrayal would go the same way.

"People are giving her the stink eye right now" Sunoo walked into the special operations unit room, poking Jake in the head and then walking over to Jay, handing him a cup of coffee.

"No coffee for me?" Jake muttered quietly, grimacing and running over to Jay to sip his drink, knowing that his best friend wasn't in the mood for it.

"I didn't want any of this" Jay sighed, wiping his hands across his face in exhaustion.

"Sure, who wants to be betrayed?" Jake dodged another nudge from Sunoo, grabbing his coffee cup and heading over to his table.

"What I mean is…" he sighed, ignoring Jake who continued humming as he sipped the hot liquid, working wonders on his system because he really needed some caffeine "Yuri's reputation was tarnished after that, even Liam's."

"Liam?" Jay frowned.

"The policeman… You know…" Sunoo scratched the back of her head and tried her best to smile. Not that she wanted to smile at the situation, but maybe she wanted to reassure Jay a little.

It was only then that the boy realized. Liam was the one with Yuri, the policeman Jay had seen making out with his ex-girlfriend in the break room.

He didn't even want to know anything about the guy: his name, who he was, what position he was in. He could only tell that he was a policeman by his clothes, but for the rest, Jay tried to push it out of his mind and even walked away when someone brought it up. He only found out because Sunoo had said it out loud.

"Well, may he do well, then" Jay got up from his chair when the alarm went off, indicating that they needed to be in the meeting room to organize strategies for a new case.

Passing Jake's desk, he took the cup from his best friend's hand – halfway, thankfully – and drank the rest of the coffee.

"Hey!" Jake protested.

"It was meant for me, asshole" Jay cursed and laughed when the other tried to say something else, but got up and walked along with Sunoo behind Jay.

The three of them headed towards the huge room and entered. They weren't the first because Heeseung was already there, his typical tired smile indicating that he had just woken up. Maybe he'd been at the police station all night to sort something out.

"I think someone needs coffee too" Jake hummed.

"Go and get it, since you've had all my coffee" Jay said.

"I was doing you a favor" that funny little discussion was typical of almost every day. Because of Jay and Jake's intimacy and because the department was so heavy, funny energy was always a good way to get work done.

Gradually the room filled up, Jay's people came in and greeted the head and deputy head. Waving to Sunoo and Heeseung too.

When everyone was properly positioned, like a regular meeting, the chief of the police station greeted them and began to pass on some instructions and changes in some cases.

It wasn't often that he tinkered much with Jay's department, being one of the few who managed to play the role straight without too many changes. But Park, like a good boss, knew he was having a bit of trouble accessing information for a new case.

So when the station boss called his name, the boy straightened up in his chair and sniffled.

"Yes, boss" Jay greeted the gray-haired man, receiving a smile in response.

"I've been thinking and I want to know if you mind changing a few things in your case" he stood, resting one hand on the table while the other was in the holster at his waist.

"Of course not, boss, whatever you think is best."

The man nodded positively, looking at Heeseung this time.

"I thought I'd put some investigators on your case, you know, gather information" that was brilliant, considering that Jay was on a high-risk case. Where he needed to know more about people until he got to the main suspect – and criminal – in fact.

Heeseung seemed surprised, having never thought of working directly with special ops personnel where he only heard Jay and Jake's crazy stories. It sounded pretty exciting.

"But I think Heeseung alone would be too little for the size of your case, guys" Heeseung just agreed with his boss, knowing that he couldn't do it alone either "So I took the liberty of calling in two other people, if that's okay with you."

"That's fine with me" Jay smiled quickly.

He couldn't count how long he was paralyzed between the police chief calling in the new people to work on his case and the moment his eyes landed on you.

The dark uniform, the shiny badge hanging around your neck, and the most captivating smile Jay had ever seen in his life. Strangely, he felt elated when you looked at him, holding his gaze and waving to greet him.

"This is Y/n, deputy boss of investigations. And Stella, the boss of the department" the gray-haired man introduced, and just hearing Jay's name was worth a lot.

Stella talked all the time about how she and her department would contribute to the operation, Heeseung did a great job of adding some information along with his boss while talking to the special ops men.

But not Jay. He just didn't know what to say. It was as if he felt like a teenager again, unable to utter a single word in front of the most beautiful girl in school.

"Right" Jake noticed his best friend's pause, holding back a smile because it would be used against him a few minutes later "Jay and I are happy about the addition to our team. We're going to work very well together and I think a team of investigators would be perfect. Welcome."

After the thanks, Jake asked some of his boys to go over what progress they had made so far with the new team of investigators. You and Stella followed him, while the people in the room gradually dissipated until Jay, Jake, Sunoo and Heeseung were left.

"We have to go too, don't we?" Jay stood up.

"Oh, now he's learned to talk again" Sunoo joked.

"What?" Jay's eyes widened as he heard the other three burst into laughter.

"Dude, you froze when y/n walked in" Heeseung held in his laughter so he could finish his sentence.

"Me? Of course not."

"I had to introduce you, you couldn't even say your name" Jake pushed Jay's body as he stood up, leaning on the table and grinning mischievously "So that's her?"

"That's her? Her what?" Jay looked at the three of them, one at a time, receiving knowing looks from his friends.

"Who's going to make you dismantle that barrier you've created in your heart."

Jay hated how direct Sunoo was with his words. He didn't hate it completely, because he knew that Jake said things slowly, testing the waters, while Sunoo got straight to the point and didn't beat around the bush. Heeseung was more of a moral supporter, always trying to see the bright side of things and, even if he didn't, the boy made a good point about it.

"She's kind and very beautiful" Heeseung said, wrapping his arm around Jay's shoulders "Not to mention that she loses bets easily and gives a sensational shoulder massage."

"What? You…" Jake walked into his and Jay's living room, awestruck by Heeseung's words.

Jay didn't want to be disappointed at the thought of Heeseung's closeness to you, but he felt like a complete idiot for thinking that way when he had only known you for less than twenty minutes.

"We're very good friends, just like you, Jake and Sunoo" he was the last to enter, disengaging his arm from Jay's shoulder to close the door and sit down on the small dark leather sofa.

"Tell us more about it" Sunoo asked, and Jay was grateful for the directness as he didn't want to seem desperate for information.

He didn't even know why he was so intrigued by you.

Heeseung didn't mince his words when he started telling about the first time he met you and Stella. He had joined the police force in almost the same year as Jay and Jake. Eight years in one environment was a long time, and a year and a half later you were both there, in the same department as him. Completely out of place because you were the only women and investigators.

Of course, there was a bit of prejudice from other people and even a certain masked machismo, but not with Heeseung. He had been the only one to talk to them, to ask them to lunch.

"Oh, that's why you canceled a few lunches with us" Jake recalled.

Continuing the story in which he had been entertained, seeing the attention of the three in front of him, Heeseung sat down a little more comfortably on the sofa to finish speaking.

Those years of being friends with the only women in the department had made Heeseung work hard, include his friends in any case he entered and, without a doubt, ask them for their opinion. To show that they were just as capable as he was.

It was no wonder that, three years later, Stella was being appointed boss of the investigation department. A change here and there removed the former male boss from his post, and the police station apologized for the whole thing because there were too many departments to manage and they were sorry that someone from their building had been through so much bad stuff.

"Did you want to be boss?" Jay asked.

"Not in a million years" Heeseung replied quickly, "I'm not good at it."

"What do you mean?"

Sunoo knew what he meant, but it was funny to remember Heeseung's antics in the police force. Like when he almost broke your arm, when you two went after a case to investigate and he tripped over his own feet running after the suspect. Not realizing that you were so close that he fell on top of you.

Or when he doused the micro camera from another mission, costing thousands just for that investigation, an expensive piece of equipment that the head of the police station shelled out for just so they could have such excellent materials to capture the suspect.

Heeseung was content with his fumbles and also knew that it was a lot of responsibility, he was happy with his position.

"What about the deputy boss?" Jay didn't even bother to ask anymore since all his friends were too curious for that.

"Don't be fooled, she's just as clumsy as I am" Heeseung laughed "But y/n investigated that serial killer last year, it gave her a lot of visibility" he remembered sleepless nights helping his friend with the case. He'd dropped out at first because he'd been recruited for something else, but when he had time off, he ended up helping "She asked me to be the deputy boss, but I got scared of the title and ended up almost fainting at the appointment meeting."

"Heeseung" Jake swallowed back a laugh, closing his eyes as he shrugged.

"Huge positions make me nervous, I'm sorry" he apologized, making himself comfortable on the sofa in Jay and Jake's living room "But it's good that the two people they despised the most just for being women are now heads of the department" he smiled genuinely happy "And I'm one position below y/n, my salary is higher than all those idiots."

At least there was something good that Heeseung hadn't been nervous about, he could handle a good amount – almost triple – his old salary and still be close to the two women from the start.

"Okay, now talk about the massage or Jay will explode" Sunoo ordered after a while, seeing that his friend was restless in his chair. Jay hated being so expressive like that or that his friends knew him so well.

He rolled his eyes, ready to refute what Sunoo had said when Heeseung started talking.

"Me and y/n live off bets. Whether it's our cases or those of other colleagues" he closed his eyes, sighing a little as tiredness began to take over his body. "So if she loses, she's obliged to massage my shoulders for a week. And if I lose, I'll buy her lunch for a week."

"That sounds like…" Sunoo began.

"Cool. Shall we do it?" Jake turned to Jay, seeing him roll his eyes.

"I wouldn't massage your shoulders," he retorted.

"But you'd let y/n do it on you?"

Yes. He bit his tongue to answer, almost letting it slip without thinking.

Heeseung laughed when he opened his eyes and saw Jay's mental dilemma between answering or not.

The boss of the department also started to feel bad, as if he was invading something that Heeseung seemed to have built up with you, after all, the two of you seemed very close.

Jay didn't realize he'd been rambling on for too long, only realizing when Heeseung was standing in front of him, snapping his fingers to get his attention. Jake and Sunoo had already left the room, probably going to get some coffee or pick up something about the case they had to work on.

"Relax, dude" Heeseung commented as soon as Jay stood up, walking out of the room beside him.

"What about?" he asked, not knowing why his tone was hesitant.

"Y/n is my best friend" he said simply, having Jay's eyes fixed on his face the whole time he spoke, "And she's also the one responsible for getting me together with Stella."

"Oh" was all he managed to say. Jay hadn't noticed, no one had.

Either Heeseung and Stella were extremely professional, or Jay was so intrigued to know about you that if his friend had said something about his girlfriend, he didn't pay attention.

"My relationship with y/n could be the same as the one you'll have with Stella if you start a relationship with her best friend" he let slip, laughing at Jay's expression. He hadn't said anything and his friends were already thinking about a relationship? "Don't worry, I approve of you two dating."

Arriving at the coffee shop, Heeseung ran up to his two friends, who were already ordering the coffee they were all drinking together.

With no chance to reply, Jay stood there for long minutes thinking about everything that had happened that day.

He had met one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen in his life, if not the most beautiful. He had learned that Heeseung was dating her and, what's more, his best friend was the one who had been making him think for so long.

A woman, in his workplace, making his heart race. Something he swore would never happen again.

You knowing a little more about Jay – beyond what was circulating around the police station – was a sign that he also knew about you, even more so when Heeseung said some qualities or even the way you two exchanged glances the first time you met in that meeting room, almost a month ago.

You were the cupid for Heeseung and Stella's relationship, and now you were sure that your friend was trying to do the same thing with you and Jay.

"No one told you to say out loud that the head of special operations was hot" Stella whispered, biting into the snack she had brought because today was going to be a busy day, with no chance of lunch in the refectory.

"I thought you and I were the only ones in the room" you tried to defend yourself, remembering the exact moment when you sighed and said how hot Jay was. Heeseung entered a few seconds earlier, without making a fuss, hearing exactly the moment when you almost whimpered.

Of sure he pestered you for weeks before he started talking to you a bit more about Jay.

"All right, all right" Stella finished, "but you know Hee's only trying to help."

"Hee" you rolled your eyes, making your best friend laugh. Your relationship with Heeseung was almost like big brother and little sister. You felt like Stella was your sister-in-law.

"Hey, girls" Heeseung waved from the door of the investigation office.

"Speaking of the devil" you smiled falsely, unwrapping your snack just as your friend walked in, muttering some swear words at you as he made his way over to Stella's desk.

The smack of lips from the two of them kissing made you sigh at how cute they were, but as soon as Heeseung's eyes met yours, you faked a vomiting noise just to pick on him.

"Put down your snacks, we're going to lunch" he said, holding Stella's sandwich halfway and pulling it away from her hands.

"We don't have time, love. Me and y/n have a lot to do before we meet the operations staff…"

"Exactly" Heeseung smiled at his girlfriend "Let's have lunch with them and go straight to the office, we have a lot of work."

After the end of the sentence Heeseung immediately looked in her direction. A mischievous smile played on his lips as he raised his eyebrows at you.

Did he plan that? Lunch with the special ops guys meant lunch with Jay. And you felt embarrassed enough that your friend had caught you confessing that the head of another department was hot. Looking at him and having lunch with him wasn't on your mind, at least not until this case was over.

"I don't think so" you said.

"Come on, y/n, let's go" Heeseung asked, pouting. He knew it wouldn't convince you, especially coming from him, but trying was always an option for the boy "Jay asked you to go."

You knew he hadn't asked you to do anything, Heeseung had just said that to see if you'd cheer up and, in the worst or best case scenario, he and Stella's thoughts about you being into Jay could have been right. He was, but you wouldn't say anything until then.

"Stella" you called out to your friend, who was already packing up to leave the room. In defeat, you got up from your desk and tidied up before joining the couple "Do you mind being widowed early? I think I'm going to kill your boyfriend."

Heeseung's hysterical scream echoed down the corridor, and no one thought it strange since this was the two of you's relationship there. People got so used to laughing with you and him that it was strange the other way around. When you or Heeseung were too serious, not joking or shouting around. The head of the police station even thanked you for bringing a little joy to such a chaotic environment.

As soon as they arrived at the refectory, it was relatively crowded and not very surprising, given that it was the exact time that almost all the departments were there.

Heeseung spotted the table where the other three friends were sitting and waved to get their attention. With his free hand, he intertwined his fingers with Stella's to lead the way and walk with the two of you to the rest of the people.

"You really did it" Sunoo applauded as soon as the three of you reached the table "He said it would be almost impossible to get you two out of that room."

"Considering he almost stole our snack" you commented.

"I'm going to expose you" Heeseung hissed.

"Fuck off" you said in the same tone.

The laughter was contagious as the two of you started talking, while you realized that Heeseung had already reserved a seat for him and Stella next to Jake, leaving only one seat between Jay and Sunoo.

I'll kill you.

You son of a bitch.

I hate you.

There were a few curses that you uttered silently, just moving your lips as you went around the table to sit between the two men.

Heeseung, holding back his laughter, sat down to in front of Sunoo.

"Shall we wait for the line to shorten and get lunch?" Stella asked.

"Or we could go in threes to save our table too" Sunoo said.

"Good idea" Heeseung nodded "Can it be me, Stella, and Jay?"

"Sure, go ahead" Jake replied, waving to the three of them who were getting up.

Jay tried his best not to look tense as you sat down next to him, noticing the look on his face as soon as he stood up. It was infectious, so he smiled as soon as you smiled back as a small greeting before he joined Heeseung and Stella for the lunch line.

"You know" Jake leaned across the table, catching your eye until you finally looked at him and stopped staring at Jay, "I think you two are cute."

"What?" you widened your eyes.

Sunoo laughed, wanting to hit Jake, but he was too far away for that.

"I don't know, I think you and Jay would be cute together" he was playing with the wrapper of something, probably the straw from the empty coffee cup in front of him "and since I'm his best friend, I approve of that."

"Heeseung and you are up to something, right?" your eyes narrowed, making Jake mimic the act and then laugh a little.

"Those two are idiots, y/n. Don't mind them" Sunoo touched your shoulder so gently that you turned to him, smiling in appreciation "But you two are really cute."

"I was starting to like you" your eyes now narrowed at Sunoo, who was laughing just like Jake a few minutes earlier.

The three of you got into a completely different conversation after that, talking about other police departments and what you would do if you had never joined the police.

That made for a good few minutes of conversation until Jay, Heeseung and Stella came back with trays of food. Then it was time for you three to go. Grateful that it hadn't taken too long – and that there was fruit salad – you and Sunoo grabbed two containers each, celebrating that you now had a friend who loved fruit salad too. None of the others would take that salad and you didn't know how, loving that the same indignation was shared by Sunoo.

"Now we can eat just the two of us" he whispered before returning to the table.

In another conversation, now completely different and without provocation, you noticed that Jay's laughter was contagious. His gaze was much more fixed on you than on anyone else at the table, but the atmosphere was so pleasant that you were no longer embarrassed to have to look at him so closely. Or to feel his hand brushing lightly against yours a few times when the two of you went to get something from the tray to eat because you were sitting next to each other.

For Jay, after years, that feeling was rediscovered. He thought he was rusty, worn out from feeling something good romantically or even in the form of interest in someone. But not when you talked so animatedly, or with the swearing at Heeseung while he stole some fries from your tray.

Jay didn't have time to experience this feeling with Yuri because she didn't care much for Jay's friendships, not even Jake whom he had known since high school.

Yuri seemed to want to deprive him of some things even though they had only been together for a short time.

Don't call them haunts, they'll show up, Jay thought to himself as soon as he looked up, two tables away. Yuri was staring at him fervently, looking as if her face was red from something spicy she had eaten. But there was nothing spicy on the menu, so why did she look like she was about to explode?

"Jay" he quickly turned to you, surprised that you were calling him. He stared at you, realizing that you were whispering while his friends were talking loudly and excitedly about another conversation. He leaned in close enough for you to continue saying "Are you okay?"

Don't make it difficult, y/n. I can't feel like kissing you right now, he sighed but nodded in agreement.

"I am, it's just…" he looked again at the table Yuri was at, wanting to curse himself in every possible way when you looked in the same direction and then at him.

Your posture straightened and you had a frightened look on your face.

In your mind, he was still thinking about his ex, so all the joking around that his friends were doing wouldn't lead anywhere.

In his mind, Jay didn't care if Yuri was angry with another woman sitting next to him or not. He only cared about your interpretation and what you thought of it. He didn't want it to be taken the wrong way and end something that had barely begun.

"Am I supposed to feel bad that she's ignoring me?" Jay huffed, untying his holster and throwing it on the table abruptly.

He didn't understand why he was so nervous. Maybe it was because he and the team of investigators had finally started working together, and you were the only one who wasn't looking directly into his eyes anymore.

For the first few days, Jay thought it was the nervousness of the interaction since he also knew how much his friends teased him about the whole situation. But then he started to put the pieces together, exchanging glances with Yuri… until Heeseung went in as a personal investigator and tried to get something out of it.

"His ex looked like she was going to kill him with just that look" you whispered to your friend, telling him what had happened in the refectory. Heeseung even opened his mouth to say something, but Jake had called for them to start organizing the operations.

Jay didn't feel good about it. The relationship had been years ago, people had talked about it for months until it had cooled down and, after all this time, he finally felt ready to rediscover his feelings, or whatever they were, for you. But it seemed that Yuri was suffocating him even though you were no longer with him.

The few things you told Heeseung that weren't secret, he told Jay. And that made him understand why you were ignoring him.

"She just thinks too much" Stella pulled out the swivel chair to sit next to Jay's desk. Only the two bosses were there after Heeseung left with Jake "Y/n doesn't have such a…"

"As bad as mine?" Jay let out a sarcastic whisper, hating the way Yuri could still affect him even though he hadn't done anything.

"I wouldn't put it like that, but since you did" she shrugged, causing Jay to let out a small laugh. Remembering when Heeseung said that she would probably be the friend that Jay could pick on, just like Heeseung and you did.

"I don't know, I really liked her, you know? It was weird, but I liked it" Jay sat down and leaned all his weight on the chair. Stella remained silent, enjoying the free venting session "I never thought I could have this feeling after what Yuri did."

"She was a bitch."

"Yes, she was" Jay let Stella laugh at the situation, ending up laughing too "Now your friend hates me."

"No, she doesn't" the woman pouted, twisting in her chair as she stared at the office ceiling "Maybe she needs to hear from you what happened."

"That my ex is psychotic and even I don't know why she was looking so angry?" he asked.

"Exactly" Stella stopped spinning, raising her head and meeting Jay's gaze "Then you can ask her to dinner."

The naturalness with which Stella had said it made Jay certain why she and Heeseung were a perfect couple.

"Right, I…"

"Rest room" she said as soon as he stood up "Not the one you… Well… It's been forbidden since Jake told us what floor it was. So we don't go there anymore."

He laughed, probably imagining the story his best friend had told to try to convince them. The betrayal in itself was already a story, but Jake had certainly increased it by 300%, even telling them that they would have bad luck in any niche of life if they continued resting in the room he entered and found Yuri and the other policeman.

Jay listened carefully to where the restroom was and quickly climbed the stairs, not wanting to wait for an elevator – and there were only two flights – he arrived so quickly that he had to catch his breath as he walked through the corridors until he arrived in front of the door.

You can do it, Jongseong. He said to himself before turning the handle and entering.

Stella was right, you were in that room sitting on the sofa with your feet propped up on the coffee table. A cup of juice was in front of you and your attention was focused on some papers in your hands. You only looked away when Jay snorted, causing you to startle and quickly get up from the sofa.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you" he said afterward, noticing that you weren't expecting him there. Well, he wasn't even expecting to come after you, if he was honest.

"It's okay, I… I was just leaving" you put the papers in the envelope and tried to look for your coat.

"No, wait," Jay ordered.

Don't keep talking, don't say anything.

"I wanted to talk to you."

Fuck. You squeezed your eyes shut as soon as you turned back to pick up the cup of juice on the coffee table, letting all the air out of your lungs in a sigh, hoping that Jay hadn't heard the urgency with which it had happened.

Turning to face him, with the envelope in one hand and the cup of juice in the other, you nodded, indicating that you were listening.

"Something wrong with the case? I was reviewing some—"

"It's nothing to do with the case" Jay interrupted subtly, taking a few more subtle steps towards you. If you noticed the approach, you didn't flinch, only noticing how close he was when, with one more step, Jay would completely glue his body to yours.

"So what's it about?" you didn't even know because your voice dropped an octave, let alone why Jay was whispering when there were only the two of you there.

Carefully and without answering anything, he took the envelope and the cup from your hand, placing them both on the coffee table and finally bringing his body completely close to yours.

You knew Jay's proportions from the way his muscles were well-defined by his dress clothes, his suspenders, and any other possible garment. You also knew how fit he was because you'd seen him once in a while in casual clothes, when he went to the police station to pick up something he'd forgotten or even helping you and Jake, as deputy boss, who stayed late solving the case you were working on together.

You knew that. But seeing it up close seemed to be even bigger than usual.

"About the misunderstanding on refectory day" every word Jay uttered, he made a point of prolonging the ending just so that the air from his mouth hit your skin. Making you close your eyes and concentrate on the minty breath mixed with coffee.

Your mouth opened to protest, but Jay – not knowing where the courage had come from – brought one of his hands to your waist to press your body against his. This kept you quiet for a few seconds, even if he had intended to shut you up in some other way. And he wanted to. He would.

Jay leaned in close enough for you to feel his warm lips brushing against yours. One more little impulse and you'd press your lips to his, feel even more of the minty coffee breath in your mouth. Your hands circle his chest until they meet the collar of his dress shirt.

And with that, Jay knew it was time to move on and finally press his lips to yours.

"Holy fuck, Heeseung!" the bang of the door together with Jake's shout made you and Jay separate quickly.

Not because you were caught almost kissing, but because Jake's scream had startled you both.

"I didn't know it was this break room" he almost cried "Oh my God, forgive me."

"I'm going to kill you" Jake kept shouting "Sorry, guys. You two… Can you…" he looked between you and Jay, his hand still on your waist and you keeping your hand against his chest "Go on…"

"Did you even kiss?" Heeseung asked.

"Both of you, out. Now!" you could see Jay's authoritative tone, but with a hint of playfulness as he tried to hold back his laughter when he saw his two friends, wide-eyed, rush to close the door to the restroom and get out of there as quickly as they had entered.

He looked at you again, smiling broadly as you mirrored his smile.

"How about we go downstairs? They probably haven't even left the hall and I don't want them getting in our way again" you said.

"If you promise me we can pick up where we left off afterwards."

"When?" you turned to Jay as he picked up your things from the table, you walked to the chair on the other side of the room to get your coat.

"I think we're staying late tonight and, well, I can't let you go home alone, can I?"

"Maybe I'll skip Stella's ride" you shrugged.

"I'd love that" he smiled, moving closer and leaving a kiss on the top of your head. Handing you the cup of juice and taking the case envelope, Jay opened the door just as Heeseung and Jake were leaning over it, almost falling into the room and on top of the boss when he took a step forward.

"Jay! Y/n!" Jake greeted the two of you. Jay stared at you for a second, then looked at the two of you right in front of him.

"I'm the one who's going to kill you two" he gritted his teeth and put his hand on his waistband, where his holster would be. Jake and Heeseung didn't even want to check, just running down the corridor and shouting for Jay not to do anything. He also ran after his friends shouting a few curses, while you stayed behind to turn off the lights and close the door.

You always looked forward to leaving work, even when you were working overtime. But today, in particular, was the day you most wanted to leave in company.

You wondered how you could live so long without having Jay's lips on yours. Or how you managed to survive without feeling every touch, or how easily you woke up and went to sleep without having him in your bed?

The answers came little by little over the two months since the first kiss you two shared, in his car, when he drove you home late at night. Maybe not just a kiss and you knew Stella would freak out when you told her you had sex with Jay in the back seat of his car. But if she shared things about Heeseung and herself, it was your turn too.

You feared that things would cool down, or that you and he would feel so overwhelmed with work that you wouldn't want to keep what you were having.

No labels, not a single statement.

The most that came out of each other's mouths was "I like you, you know that?" and then a smile so silly that neither of you wanted to intensify it. For fear that everything was going so well and it could simply be ruined.

Or for you, who had never felt like this and fallen in love with someone.

"So this is what it's like to be in love?" you asked Heeseung dreamily when you were both in the break room. A week before the case you shared with Jay's department closed.

Having in-depth conversations with him was better than with Stella because with her you were a little afraid. She seemed like a protective mother and was sure to tell you all the pros and cons of being in love.

It was also difficult for Jay to know that he was in love, even more so after everything he had experienced so far.

"I don't want to hurt her" he sighed, resting his head in his hands and closing his eyes tightly.

"You won't" Jake assured his best friend "You've finally managed to fall in love again and I'm glad it's someone like you."

"Why?" he asked, looking at his best friend.

"Because she looks after you and cares" he said "And because she treats your friends well, that's enough, don't you think?"

Jay knew it was because Yuri had never been very nice to Jake. So small attitudes counted, there was no comparison between the two of you, he knew there was no reason to be afraid. But he also knew that he needed to find a moment in which he could say what he felt.

He wanted the security of knowing that you were in love too. And you wanted him to feel good and safe being around someone else after the enormous trauma he'd been through.

The two of you – without knowing it – silently shared the same care.

"Y/n, Stella" the head of the police station entered the room, dispelling your thoughts and making you focus on the gray-haired man who had just entered. You and your friend stood up, greeting the middle-aged man and smiling as kindly as he did "Are you busy?"

"Never for you, sir" Stella said with a smile.

"Good, I need you two for a day" he said, slowly shifting his gaze between you and Stella "It's a criminal case and I know Heeseung is with Jake, so you're the only two I can trust."

"Perfect, do you want it now?"

Stella's question made the boss agree, leading the two of you out of the room and towards the criminal cases department. You usually left such matters to Heeseung or even another teammate, but seeing your boss call for you and your best friend was really endearing. It meant that he trusted the two of you, chief and deputy chief, to do the job well.

The department was much bigger than the one you and Stella worked in, after all, criminal cases had a large proportion. And investigators could work in any department as long as they were asked to, as was happening now.

"We have a transcribed case and we need you two to take a look at it and try to spot something that the other investigator didn't find" the chief passed the paper to Stella, letting her read it and then pass it on to you.

As soon as she'd finished, her eyes went carefully over the document, listening attentively to her boss and best friend, punctuating a few things with the older man and hearing him agree and add more things that other policemen had discovered too.

"So we have a starting point, that's good" he said after you'd finished reading, nodding to someone behind you and beckoning you to come closer.

"Girls, this is Yuri, the one who wrote the document that you two have just read" this could only be a joke in very bad taste. But no. From the seriousness your boss presented, you knew it was strictly professional.

Stella looked at you quickly, trying not to look so shocked when she faced Yuri first. Just a nod was enough for the greeting.

You, in turn, turned slowly until you were face to face with the woman. She seemed as surprised as you were. Her mouth opened slightly in shock, but as soon as she saw your serious expression, jaw set and misty eyes, Yuri smiled.

"Hi boss. Girls" she greeted.

"Yuri, this is Stella and Y/n, the boss and deputy boss investigators I asked to read the document you wrote" he explained.

"Oh, yes. Stella is the boss" she pointed at her friend "And y/n is the deputy boss who is taking my leftovers and sleeping with my ex-boyfriend?"

"Excuse me?" you knew it was ridiculous to fight for these reasons, but hearing her swear at you gratuitously wasn't on the list of good manners you swore to uphold at work. So when you pushed her against the table as hard as you could, hearing the thud of Yuri's body in the same tone as her loud scream, you knew you were done for.

"Y/n, what's that?" your boss asked, shocked by the reaction.

Stella really was a great boss, or she tried to approach Yuri for fear that you'd end up actually hitting the woman. So she helped her up, seeing that the blow had been really hard.

"I don't tolerate disrespect, boss."

"But we don't tolerate aggression" he was shocked, but he didn't seem angry. He knew his employees so well, especially you – along with Heeseung – that it was almost impossible to see them with their faces closed.

"She won't be working on my case anymore" Yuri's voice was tearful, her eyes watery and her breathing rapid.

"Your case? I'm the deputy boss here, you self-interested bitch."

It was Yuri's turn to try to do the same to you, but Stella was already holding her back and her boss had put himself between the two of you, afraid that something else might happen.

"Stella" he called out.

"Boss" the two of you exchanged places, she held you down to get you out of there while he pulled Yuri away and tried to talk to her.

"I'll meet you in your office in five minutes" he said before your friend could get you out of that department. You felt your blood boil as you cursed Yuri one last time.

"What?" Jake felt the pillow being pressed against his face by Sunoo, listening intently to everything you had said so far.

"Jake, please" you begged, whimpering.

"She told us because if she told Heeseung, he'd scream and Jay would find out" Sunoo recalled.

That's why the three of you were in the break room on the top floor.

Your boss chose to suspend you and Yuri for two weeks. This consisted of no badges, no guns, no holsters and, above all, no going to the police station. You just had to wait for the day to end and then go home and be grounded for two weeks, as Stella said as soon as she had told the story in a more motherly way to the two boys in front of you before going to meet Heeseung and Jay.

"I just need to know what to do to tell him" you paced back and forth in the living room, on the other side of the coffee table.

"When did this happen?" Jake asked.

"Thirty or forty minutes ago, I'm not sure" you said.

"Okay, then" he straightened his arm, glancing at his wristwatch "In ten minutes or so, Jay will know and he'll be shouting down the corridors looking for you."

"Y/n" was Jay's voice. And he sounded extremely angry.

"Maybe less than ten minutes" he tried to joke about the situation, knowing that even though it wasn't funny, it made you let out a quick laugh "Right, I'm not going to let him talk to you now. That won't be good."

"Let's go outside" Sunoo ordered, getting up from the sofa along with Jake.

"Fucking hell!" Jake shouted in fright as Jay opened the door without warning "You need to tell us when you're coming in, there are people who could die of a heart attack."

Jay looked at his best friend, without really answering him, then looked at Sunoo and finally at you.

"We need to talk."

"Now?" you tried to smile, showing all your teeth as you looked at Jake for help.

"Now" he said seriously.

"You know what?" you stood behind Sunoo at all times "I promised Jake I'd help him with some papers, you know."

"Yeah, deputy boss stuff" Jake shrugged.

Jay sighed, massaging the space between his nose and eyebrow with the slight headache he was feeling.

"There's no way you can help him when you're suspended from work for two weeks" he said coldly.

Shit. It was the only quick swear word you could think of, not knowing what to say as you watched Jay ask – almost order – Jake and Sunoo to leave the room.

You wanted to go with them, almost grabbing Sunoo and running past Jay without him being able to stop you, but your two fearful friends ran out of the room and quickly closed the door.

Silence settled in as Jay continued to stand by the door, a long distance from where you were still standing by the coffee table in the break room. He looked around without looking at you for long minutes, perhaps thinking, cursing. You didn't know.

And that was making you more and more anxious. What was he going to fight you for? The fight or because you stood up to his ex? Or because you stood up to his ex by fighting in a way that resulted in your suspension?

What was Jay thinking, anyway?

As if he could read thoughts, while you were thinking about his name, that gaze finally stopped on you. It was loaded with so many things that you couldn't even decipher which was which first, but one of them was fear. Jay seemed afraid of something as he approached you in hurried, persistent steps.

As soon as he stopped right in front of you, he ran his thumb over your cheek and leaned close enough to brush his lips against your forehead.

"What…" you whispered, confused by the sudden change in his behavior.

"I wanted to scare you a little, just like Stella scared me when I found out" he said in the same tone, lowering his lips to kiss yours quickly.

You slapped his arm, causing Jay to laugh as he wrapped his arms around you and finally kissed you once more.

It was slow but intense. Every movement made you sigh against his mouth while the way Jay deepened the kiss made you even more enamored of him. Even more in love and addicted to his touches. He stopped when he needed to catch his breath, not only because he was kissing you, but also because he had run into the living room to find you.

Staying with his forehead against yours, touching the tip of your nose with his, Jay sighed.

"Suspended? Really, y/n?" the tone was playful, but at the same time scolding.

"What? Could she talk the way she talked to me?" you asked, slightly offended at still remembering what she had said.

Jay shook his head, tightening his arms even more around your waist.

"She couldn't" he replied, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. He wanted to say it without having to look you in the eye, so maybe close to your ear would be a good idea, so you could hear him and he wouldn't have to interrupt "I was just afraid."

You knew him well, how strange. He really was afraid.

"Afraid of what?" you tried to get him to look at you, but every time he moved, Jay sank his face further into your neck, sniffing your skin and whimpering that he wanted to stay there.

"Afraid she'd ruin anything I was thinking of having with anyone" he said, his voice muffled because he'd kissed your skin "Afraid she'd interfere with my relationship in some way" Jay whispered, sliding his arms around your waist so that his hands could take that spot. His fingers lightly squeezed the spot as he let all the air out of his lungs, raising his head and finally facing your gaze "I was afraid she'd manage to take you away from me because…"

The intensity in your gaze and your slightly accelerated breathing indicated that you were waiting for the answer. And Jay knew it. He knew you wanted to hear it as much as he wanted to say it.

"Because I'm in love with you, y/n. And I think that finally, after finding something good in my life, I was afraid that it would ruin everything."

"Say it again" you insisted.

"What? That I'm scared?" Jay asked confused.

"That you're in love with me, idiot" you rolled your eyes, laughing along with him.

Jay moved a little closer, distributing slow kisses all over your face until he finally reached your lips.

"Me, Park Jongseong, I'm in love with you, y/n."

Your shrug was the cutest thing he'd ever seen, accompanied by a low chuckle as you slowly kissed his lips.

"Me, y/n, I'm in love with you too, Park Jongseong" you whispered against his lips, laughing even harder when he seemed to relax his whole body and drop the weight from his shoulders.

"That's so nice to hear" he said before kissing you for real.

With intensity, tongues intertwined and hands where they could hold each other. Without too much fuss because they were in the break room at the police station, and because Jay had the impression that the kiss would be interrupted at some point. He just didn't want to be so sure when he heard the door open, forcing him to separate from you quickly.

"Oh, you two are in there… Kissing" Jake shouted the last part as if he needed to say it and it was code for something.

Maybe it was, considering that Heeseung appeared soon after, along with Sunoo and Stella at the door of the room.

"Kissing means you two aren't fighting, right?" Sunoo asked. Jay looked at you and, with a mutual nod, you both agreed.

"So does that mean we can go out and celebrate y/n's suspension?" Jake hummed.

Jay gave you one more quick kiss on the lips before pulling away, putting his hands on your waist, and looking at his friends.

"Stella, are you wearing your holster?" he asked, putting his hands on his waist.

"Yes, I am" she pointed to the accessory, showing the gun stored there too.

"How many bullets do you have?"

"I think I have five left" she replied, unable to contain her laughter when Jay said it.

"Perfect, I only need three!"

"Baby…" Heeseung whined to Stella as he was the first to run, followed by Sunoo who was screaming along with Jake.

Jay passed the girl at the door without even touching the gun, only to scare them off as he ran after his friends.

"Come on, we're having dinner at the Japanese restaurant tonight" she said to you after she waited for you to approach, wrapping her arms around your shoulders as you left the restroom.

For so long, neither you nor Jay thought you could find happiness inside that police station. Jay, for obvious reasons. You, for never having experienced it.

But just like work, everyday life wasn't planned at all and sometimes unforeseen events arose. Cases arriving on your desk in the middle of the day, or two or three suspects you hadn't paid attention to. Even someone with a gun in an operation that Jay was taking part in.

Or, on top of that, an unexpected love interest in the department next door.

© ikeuverse, 2024. do not copy, translate or steal my stories.

[interstellarrisa]

I manifested money two times today

a/n: hi everyone, ik i've been gone for 2 weeks but i'm back and with a success story and two mini ones lol. not the reason as to why i was gone but whatever :P btw this post is not proofread cuz im rlly tired

Decide

I needed new clothes since school is starting soon for me but we didn't really have enough money to go "back to school" shopping and so going shopping would've been kind of difficult but instead of getting sad and just accepting that story i decided to use my knowledge of the law of assumption.

It was late at night and I was tired and as I was falling asleep I thought "Why not use this moment to manifest some money?" When we fall asleep our brain is in a very open-minded state (dunno if that's the right thing to call it). It doesn't try to fight back or question suggestions it just kind of accepts them, and so I decided to manifest money. To be exact 200$ when converted.

Imagine it and accept it

As I laid there on my bed I kept on imagining how I had 200$. I would imagine my mom coming into my room and saying that she got 200$ or affirm that I had it. I even dared to get a bit bolder and start affirming that I would get more.

When any doubts would arise especially logical ones I would just go "Is logic really necessary?" and start questioning the logic. Like wdym "Where would you get that money from" or "It's impossible, there's no reason as to why I would just get money without any reason" I questioned the logic instead of making the logic question me.

Anyways, I just accepted that I had it and fell asleep. I did have a strange dream tho but nonetheless I fell asleep knowing I had it and that it was inevitable that I was going to wake up to the news of it.

Persist

Whenever I wake up I am in a kind of daze for like 10 minutes where I'm awake but my eyes are closed and my mind is really foggy, almost like I'm between the border of the waking world and the dream world (just say hypnogogia girl). I've always thought that this state would be good for manifesting but I've never done it.

When I woke up and was in this daze like state I decided to take advantage of it and do the same thing I did before I fell asleep, after that I just continued on with my day occasionally thinking about I should buy. I wasn't even worrying about the money I just knew that I had it.

That morning my mom had gone out to buy some groceries and when she came home she just told me that she had gotten 250$ and what was my reaction to that you may wonder, it was just a simple "cool". I didn't even realize that it had manifested because I already knew it would happen but like on a subconscious level, so I was just thinking that it was nice and not like "WOWOWOOWOWOW WATAHECK I JUST MANIFESTED 200$"

It was not until 3 hours had passed and I was in the bathroom washing my hands that I realized that it was ME who was the reason for the money, and even then I just gasped really quickly and calmed down. Maybe I'm just that type of person who calms down fast? Anyways, the title did say that I manifested money two times right?

Decide + Imagine it and accept it + Persist

After going shopping I was sad because buying things actually cost money!!! WDYM YOU'RE TAKING MY MONEY AFTER I JUST BOUGHT SOMETHING!!! I THOUGHT THE NUMBERS ONSCREEN WERE THERE JUST TO INTIMIDATE ME AND NOT THE AMOUNT YOU'RE TAKING FROM ME/j

As I was walking out the mall I was decided to change my mindset from that of a person who just spent a lot of money and is sad about it to a person who doesn't care because they know money goes round and round and they'll eventually get it back.

Essentially: poor person mindset → rich person mindset.

When I got home I talked to my dad and he was like "Blah blah blah... focus on your studies...blah blah blah...take care of yourself...blah blah blah I'm giving you 150$...blah blah blah...again focus on school..."

Again I only realized I just manifested it when I opened tumblr LMAO, and I guess my advice is stick with a mindset and know it'll happen, you don't need to affirm a thousand times or constantly think about not that doing those things don't work and will ruin your manifestation but relaxing is also nice I guess.

a/n: what a yapfest lol anyways the other two mini success were manifesting a toothbrush and changing the weather to fog, bye for now !!

divider by @/anitalenia

[onepiecestarry]

Katsuki Bakugo Fluff Oneshot

I've had this bouncing around in my brain for a few days and just needed to get it down :) This is lowk based off of my life so I apologize since its a niche situation. But enjoy some Bk fluff and lmk if you want another part to this!

Katsuki x Reader

2.3k words

Most days you wake up, go to class, study, and train late into the night. You are a busy person, with many priorities, but this didn’t stop you from making many friends. You got particularly close to Mina and Sero, and along with that the rest of the bakusquad- besides Bakugo himself of course. You had tried many times to befriend him but to no avail. You decided to give up since you were already a part of his friend group. 

You tried your best to make time for your friends but most weeks you wouldn’t join the nightly hangouts. On any days off you went home to help your mom, only Mina truly knew why you were never in the dorms. 

-

“Alright class, today we are-” Aizawa started his long speech about your new upcoming project. You start to zone out, but quickly focus again to get the project details, jotting down any important notes you might need. 

“I am going to randomly assign partners for this, please do not ask to change because there will be no exceptions this time.” Mr. Aizawa says in his regular monotone voice. 

He starts to list off the groups and eventually says your name. “Y/n and Bakugo” 

“Not that fucking nerd!!” Bakugo yells slamming his fist onto his desk.

“Shut it Bakugo,” Mr. Aizawa says activating his quirk on the rowdy student. 

The rest of the day went by normally, you finished classes and began packing your stuff to study and train. 

Around 1 am you get a text.

Bakugo

“Where are you dipshit”

Y/n

“Training, why?”

Bakugo

“Tf you training so late for, gts”

Y/n

“Dude leave me alone, what do you want”

Bakugo

“Friday at 11 am common room”

Y/n

“The project?” 

He likes the message and the conversation ends. You look at the time and realize you should be going to bed soon, you do a few more reps before heading back to the dorm. 

It's a cool night, as you walk a chill runs up your spine from the cold. You shake it off and continue to your dorms. As quietly as you can, you open the door and make your way to your room. You fall asleep to the crickets and cicadas chirping outside your window. 

The week goes by quickly as the weekend approaches. You completely forgot about having Friday off, but Mina reminded you on Thursday to text your mom to remind her. 

What everyone in the class doesn’t know is that your mom moved with you when you came abroad to study at UA. She and your little sister rent a small house not too far from campus. Your step-father refused to move with them, so on any days you have off you go home to watch your 2-year-old sister while your mom works. The only person who knows about this arrangement is your best friend Mina. She covers for you whenever you are there. 

- 

You wake up to the loud beeping of your alarm, as you look at it to shut it off it displays “4:30 am”. You groan and move to get up. Your mom starts work at 6 on the days you have off so you have to get to the house early so your sister isn’t home alone. 

You grab your prepacked bag and school backpack and start your walk home. The sunrise is barely a sliver when you get there. 

As you take care of your sister throughout the day, coloring, watching movies, and playing dress-up, it doesn’t matter what you do as long as she’s happy. Once you put her down for her nap, you throw yourself onto the couch half asleep. Then your phone starts going off over and over. You grumble something about a group chat and open your phone to see it’s Bakugo. 

Bakugo

“Where are you dipshit”

“If you aren’t here in the next 3 minutes I’m blowing your ass up in your dorm”

“Why aren’t you in your dorm”

“ANSWER ME”

Bakugo has requested your location. 

“Oh boy” You mumble to yourself

Y/n

“Chill dude, I’m sorry I forgot we were supposed to work on the project today, can we do it Monday?”

Bakugo

“NO, dumbass it's fucking due Monday”

“Where are you, answer the fucking phone now”

Y/n

“I can’t answer the phone rn”

Bakugo

“Well then SEND ME UR FUCKING LOCATION”

Y/n

“Will u chill tf out if I do?”

Bakugo likes the message.

Y/n started sharing their location with Bakugo

You huff and turn your phone off falling asleep on the couch. Not long after you wake up to three aggressive knocks on your front door. Knowing Bakugo you jump up to stop him from knocking more and waking your sister. 

“Chill tf out, I’m right here,” You say as you open the door. Bakugo pushes past you walking into your house and turning to look at you. 

“You are so fucking useless, we were supposed to have this project done today! I fucking should’ve done it myself” He says with his fingers on the bridge of his nose. 

“Look, I’m sorry but Aizawa would know if you pulled that shit AGAIN” 

“YOU FUCKING RATTED-”

You slam your palm on his mouth as he begins to yell. Shock is written across his face when he suddenly pushes you off him. 

“What the fuck” He spits at you.

“You have to be fucking quiet dipshit” You whisper.

“Why wou-” He gets interrupted by your sister crying and running to you. 

You pick her up gently and start to soothe her from her startling wake call as you glare daggers at Bakugo. He stands there in complete shock, this time not hiding it at all. You nod your head in the direction of your dining table and say, “Go set up there, we can work on it now.”

He doesn’t say a word while he gets his stuff out and sets up. You put your sister down to start making some lunch for her. 

“Did you eat?” You ask not looking at him.

“What?” He asks snapping back to reality.

“Did you eat lunch?”

“Oh um no”

“Ok,” You say, silently making another serving more. 

As you continue to cook and Bakugo silently sits there trying to think of what to say, he blurts out. 

“So, who’s the father?”

You turn around from the stove and stare at him blankly for a second processing what he asked, then you see how serious his face is. You burst out laughing- “BAHAHAHA, WAIT,” you say wiping a tear forming in your eye from laughter. Bakugo glares at you to stop laughing. After you take a second to compose yourself you answer, “Bakugo, meet my sister, y/s/n.” You say as y/s/n goes up to Bakugo and hugs him. He has a horrified look on his face realizing what he just asked you. 

He tries to jump away and get her off unsuccessfully. He accepts his fate and allows her to hug his leg. 

The next few hours went by awkwardly, you served lunch and while your sister was busy eating you spent your time working on the project, allowing Bakugo to have a break and eat too. But as soon as your sister was done you were up and taking care of her again. 

Hours go by and you realize you have to figure out dinner. 

“Fuck” You whisper so your sister can’t hear. “What do you want for dinner Bakugo?” You ask from your sister’s makeshift playroom in the living room. 

“I don’t know, don’t care.”

You look at him exasperated as you sigh and ask your sister.

“PIZZA!!!” Your sister says excitedly. You pick her up and gently whisper how you can’t afford to order pizza right now, and how you can make her something at home. She begins to sulk and goes back to her toys. You get up walk to the table and look at Bakugo to ask again. 

“Wha-” You begin.

“I already ordered it.” He says not looking up from his notes.

“What?” You ask baffled.

“The pizza, I already ordered it.”

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that, seriously.” 

“It's fine. She said she wanted pizza.”

“Okay, how much was it so I can pay you back.” You ask getting your wallet out.

“No.” He says not sparing you a look.

“What?” You ask again. 

“I said no. Don’t worry about it.” 

“Oh, okay, well thank you.”

Once the pizza arrives you all sit down to eat, but once again you don’t eat so you can work on the project. As you sit at your laptop across from Bakugo eating his pizza, your laptop suddenly shuts. 

“Wha- What the fuck man?!” You half-yell at Bakugo. 

“You haven’t eaten all day, so eat the pizza and then I’ll watch your sister so you can work.” 

“But-”

“No. I said what I said.” He stares at you, silently telling you that you won’t win any argument with him. 

He kept true to his word, he took care of your sister while you worked efficiently on your project. Around 11:30 you come back to reality and close your laptop, realizing that you should have put your sister to bed long ago. You walk into the living room to see Bakugo and y/s/n on the couch watching her favorite movie, Totoro. Y/s/n being asleep on Bakugo you decide to sit on the other side of him and continue the movie. 

“Everything is done, we just need to make the slides and practice.” You whisper. 

“Alright cool, that should be easy.” He says continuing to watch the movie. 

You look over and admire how calm he is. His arm wrapped around your sister, her head in his lap fast asleep. You had to admit, he was great with kids. While you were working he was playing dress up with her, you managed to snap a few photos of him with a tiara on before he noticed. He was so sweet and gentle with her all day, the opposite of his regular personality. He didn't call her a brat even once, not even one time?!?

He notices you staring and looks over, “What?” He says annoyed. 

“Nothing,” You say silent for a few seconds, “Just- thank you for today.” 

He lets out a scoff, showing you he was listening.

“Is this where you disappear every night?” He asks.

“What? Oh. no, I actually do train every night since I’m here on the weekends. I usually get up at 4:30 and either stay here or go back at 2 am.” You answer. 

“You do this only on two and a half hours of sleep?” He asks with confusion and shock hinting in his voice. 

“Yeah, I don’t have much of a choice. No one else can watch her.” 

The conversation fades as you both focus back on the movie. Eventually leading to you falling asleep on him as well. 

Bakugo sits there on your couch, with your sister asleep in his lap and you asleep on his shoulder. He quietly watches the movie until your mom returns from work. She opens the door and hears the T.V. on, so she goes to the living room to check and she sees all of you there. Bakugo’s head swings at the noise and sees her. 

“Oh my, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to startle you. I didn’t know y/n had her boyfriend over!” She says quietly moving to sit on the adjacent couch. 

“Oh- um, I’m not-” He starts.

“Here let me move her to bed, they both sleep like rocks don’t worry.” She says with a wink, picking up your sister and taking her to her bed. She returns to see Bakugo hasn’t moved with you still asleep on him. 

“How long have you been here? I’m so sorry for any trouble they’ve caused.” Your mom laughs.

“I got here around noon. Me and y/n were supposed to work on a school project but she forgot so I came over to work on it.” He starts

“Oh! I’m so sorry about that dear.” 

“It's okay.”

“So how long have you two been together?” She asks excitedly. 

“We aren’t dating,” Bakugo says quietly still trying to not wake you up. 

“Really? Huh, I swear I’ve heard y/n talk about you before.” A light shade of pink finds its way to Bakugo’s cheeks.

“Well, thank you for helping take care of my girls, I really appreciate it. You should stay here tonight, it's too late for you to go back to school. Y/n’s room is there and there are blankets in the closet.” Your mom says getting up to go to bed. “And thank you again Katsuki Bakugo.” She finally says before disappearing into her room. 

Bakugo tightens up at the sound of his full name, knowing well that means y/n has talked about him enough for her mom to know who he is. 

He decides to stay on the couch, not wanting to disturb your peace. He pulls a blanket on the both of you and shuts his eyes. He thinks about all the times he couldn’t spot you at parties or hangouts. Or how you would vanish off the face of the earth on weekends. It all made sense now, you were working yourself to the bone to take care of your family. 

Bakugo always had a soft spot for you, which is why everyone would always make you ask him to hang out with them, even if you weren’t going to be there. He never knew why he was murder-y with you but it scared him so he pushed you away even more. Hence you trying to be friends with him but ‘failing’. 

But now he’s here, lying on your couch with you on top of him asleep, coming to the realization that maybe his soft spot for you isn’t all that bad. 

[strawberrynull]

──⯎ ˙🔥 ̟ burn it down

엔하이픈 | Enhypen | Nishimura Riki

──Pairing: riki x afab!reader

──Genre: fluff

──Synopsis: After a busy week, Riki decides its time for the two of you to hang out and have fun rather than working

──Warnings: cursing, starting fires, mentions of burning (things, not people), kissing, established relationship

──A/N: I've actually thought of this so many times and finally got the motivation to write it lol

masterlist

The car came to a stop, parking in front of an abandoned building. It was an old warehouse but was now used for people to just drop off their junk. It almost looked like a horror movie scene.

"Ki, where the fuck are we?" You asked, gripping onto your seat belt strap. You turned to look at Riki, hoping he was joking about going there.

"Get out. I'll show you." You looked at him like he was fucking insane. Then he grabbed your hand gently and laughed. "Just trust me." His sweet smile was enough to make you give in.

The two of you hadn't been hanging out very often as of recently. Riki had practice almost every day and you were always busy with work and studying. So it had taken you by surprise when Riki snatched the notebook from your desk, claiming that he was taking you somewhere fun today.

You stepped out of the car, following your boyfriend as he approached the building. With a good bit of force, Riki manages to open up the big rusted doors to the abandoned warehouse. He disappears into the darkness of the building. All you can see are the silhouettes of large piles of trashed furniture. Riki returns, hauling a ton of junk like old car parts and barrels. He continues to disappear into the piles of garbage and reappear carrying trash and throwing it into one big pile. Once he's brought out enough shit, he tosses you a lighter. You roll the small black lighter in between your fingers before looking up at your boyfriend with a puzzled expression.

"Go on. Burn it down." He says, shoving his hands into the pockets of his hoodie.

"What? You really want me to burn this stuff? Out in the open?" You question, eyes wide with shock. He nods. "Isn't that considered arson?" Riki chuckles at your concern. Your heart does flips in your chest hearing his deep laugh.

"Trust me. It's fun." He reassures you, pulling his hands out of his pockets and reaching for your hair. He ties it back gently, pulling any loose strands into the messy ponytail.

You flick the lighter open and hold the flame to a stick you found on the ground. Once it's lit, you toss it into the pile of trash. Riki finds himself a broken off car chair and sits on it, leaning back to watch you. You observe the beautiful flames as they dance around. While the flames rose, occupying your attention, Riki could only focus his gaze on you. His heart pounded as he watched you happily play around, lighting different items on fire.

"Woah, holy shit. That's a lot of fire, Ki."

"I'll put it out before we leave. Just go have fun." He waves his hand, telling you not to worry about it.

You skipped around the lot, deciding to add more trash to what you now called the "arson pile," making the flame grow stronger. You gaped in awe as the fire crackled and rose higher, sending smoke into the air.

You found yourself a wooden bat lying around the junkyard so naturally you took the handle and gave it a test swing. Once satisfied, you walked over to some old appliances and began beating the shit out of them. Then a loud crack was heard, making Riki shoot out of his chair. He craned his neck to find you standing with a broken bat and wide eyes. You had snapped the poor bat in half.

With a huff of defeat, you trudged back to your boyfriend who just laughed at you. He manspread so you could sit comfortably between his legs on the old leather chair. Riki wrapped his arms around your waist, holding you so your back was flush against his chest. He dipped his head down to the crook of your neck. The boy placed a few light kisses on your shoulder making you giggle.

"Sorry, you're just so pretty. I can't hide my love for you anymore." He says, half jokingly. He was being silly of course but he wasn't joking whenever he called you pretty. You were practically the light of his life.

You quickly turned around to hit his chest. "Ah you're so corny and annoying." You complained with a pout.

"Just admit that you're madly in love with me."

You glared at him with squinted eyes and a scrunched nose.

"Nope. You're the one who's obsessed with me." You sighed, turning back around and crossing your arms.

Riki just rested his chin on your shoulder. "You're right. You're a bad bitch. I can't help being in love with you."

© strawberrynull, 2024. Do not copy my work. Please DM for permission before translating or reuploading. Thank You

[shysuccubusstuff]

boyfriend! jiyan + modern! au

Content: SFW + NSFW, modern au, meaning he isn't a general, foul language towards the end of the SFW stuff.

Note: As always, non proof-reader.

Jiyan, one of the best students at the medicine degree, you met each other the first day of class after you asked him for directions to the class.

He looked at you, eyes cold as ice, but his voice was warm, almost as much as the scorching sun of the summer you met.

Since that moment, both of you started to sit close to each other, always being together for the group projects, always going to get a "little" treat after class.

As time went on, both of you finally visited each others' home, you were living with your family, but he wasn't, house a bit cold as you entered, that gave you even more reasons why you should stick together to him, always inviting him to your family reunions, even if you had to bear with the comments of your parents and family members.

Despite he refused at first, after all he wasn't exactly part of your family, but he started to go, slowly entering into your family as if he was one member more.

It had been a few months since he started to participate, and none of you had noticed the slight changes in your relationship, that was until your mother came to you both: "Dear, how could you keep it to yourself? It has been over one year since you introduced us to him, isn't it time you finally tell us about your relationship?" You were about to refuse, a bit nervous in case Jiyan got uncomfortable, but it took just a quick glance to see it. Face as red as a cherry, eyes focusing on something else, hands a bit shaky... wasn't he going to say anything?

In the end, you simply smiled, deciding to wait for him to tell you, as it would be so embarrasing to be wrong about your theory.

It took another six months for him to finally say anything, it was soon before the final exams period and both of you had decided to meet when he suddenly took you to the park next your university.

"I... I don't think I will be able to keep it any longer. I've tried to focus on something else, I mean, our exams start in less than a week, despite that I've been completely distracted, messing up at the lab and always forgetting what I studied. I need to get it off my chest. I like you, I've liked you since you started to teach me new things, new experiences, I just say this with the intention of being able to focus, you don't need to correspond my feelings or anything." Without letting you respond, he was about to go back to the library when you suddenly stopped him, more angry than embarrased:

"You're so bad at confessing, you didn't even let me understand it!" You pulled from him, getting him back to where he was standing, you looked at his pretty eyes, glistening under the sunlight, without thinking too much, you took him from his shirt, pulling him into a soft kiss that ended before being able to properly taste it. "It took you six fucking months to say anything, asshole..." His face turned red, still too stunned to being able to say anything, his mouth opened, quickly closing as he tried to formulate a single word. He simply looked at you, face still red and took you by the hands, carefully pulling you into a deeper kiss. "I've never been in love before, sorry about that, genius."

Content: NSFW stuff, established relationship, teasing, a bit of overstimulation.

Jiyan, who loves seeing your pretty body completely naked on top of his bed.

Jiyan, who eats you out as if he had been starving his whole life, eyes completely focused on your face, as he saw your expressions of pleasure. His hands caressing your body as if it was made of porcelain.

Jiyan, who spends a bit too much time preparing you cause "what if I hurt you?", his fingers making you cum too many times before getting to the main course.

Jiyan, who loves being a bit mean to you, purposefully hitting just at the right place, making you scream and your hands to cling at him, other times he prefers playing with your pretty clit, not stopping even after you plea him, brain too foggy to think about anything else.

Jiyan, who takes both of you to the bathroom, rigorously cleaning both of you before heading to bed, giving you a soft kiss on the forehead after making your brain turn into mush.

[theragethatisdesire]

quick bright things - eren jaeger x afab!reader, 18+!!

okay hi. after my many-months writing hiatus, i am offering up this humble creation. welcome to the world of quick bright things, caught somewhere between a fairytale and a shakespeare play and a priceless piece of jewelry. this was inspired by....a lot of things, from midsummer night's dream to saltburn to the secret history to romeo & juliet like, you name it and i've probably crammed it in here. eren is a lot different than i normally write him (or read him, for that matter), i hope you all find him as lovely as i do! this will be 2 parts (for now...), i'm not sure what else to say except i'm happy to be back and i hope you all love part 1 ₊˚⊹♡

pairing: eren jaeger x reader

wc: 10.4k

DISCLAIMER: this post contains MATURE CONTENT that is intended only for those over 18. if you are a minor, please do not read below the cut.

cws: alcohol, swearing, smut, fingering, reader has female anatomy, wet dreams, allusions to cannibalism (idk that's a stretch it's more of a metaphor), exhibitionism, cum-eating, creepy stepsiblings, rich assholes, throat-closing amounts of sexual tension, i honestly don't even know what to put here

without further ado...

-

"Last year I abstained / this year I devour / without guilt / which is also an art."

“Now don’t forget: university is for discovery, for adventure.” Your mother tucks the front of your shirt into your skirt, tugs at your collar until it’s sitting prettily against the cliff of your collarbones. It’s not a good fabric, this shirt; it’s cheap and scratches uncomfortably at the summer sunburn still lingering on your chest. “It’s for finding your passions, your life path, yourself…”

“Darling, you’ve been philosophizing since breakfast. You’re going to give the poor girl a conniption.” Your father chuckles lightly, swinging the hammer at the wall of your dormitory and finishing the hanging of one of your many posters over your creaky, lofted bed. The posters are bright and colorful, almost garish in the pristine, ancient light pouring in from the windows. With a slow blink, you realize you’re going to take them down later, that they feel incongruous with the dust particles and the oak furniture.

“It’s alright, really.” You manage a smile of compromise, lips clamped tight to hold the flutter of nerves in your throat at bay. “I think I’ve got it from here.”

There’s an expectedly teary goodbye, a small monologue from your father about how much you’ve grown, and a few reminders from your mother to separate the darks and the lights when you do laundry, to focus on your studies. Just before she slips out behind her husband, she grabs you by the shoulders and presses her lips to the side of your head, kisses a blood-red print into the shell of your ear.

“Don’t forget. Find something.”

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

Whether it started with that conversation or with the buildup that accompanied the thirty-six months of monotonous paper-writing and numb boredom of your first three years at Oxford, you can’t be sure. In truth, maybe your first three years weren’t all that boring, and they only seem so by comparison of everything that came after, but you can’t be entirely sure of that either.

What you can be sure of is that something down the line—between meeting Sasha in that class on Milton and squeezing her hand as the plane landed and the dozens of bottles of champagne you’ve consumed over the last weeks—something led you to this moment, standing in this kitchen somewhere outside Verona with your bare feet against the hot clay tiles, staring at the sharp angle of an unfamiliar, tanned collarbone. 

He’s coated in linen: a half-unbuttoned, burnt-orange drape of a shirt is rolled carefully up around strong forearms, and one large, boyish foot peeks out from his baggy jeans, propped up on its throne upon the opposite knee. A golden cross winks at you from his chest, nestled in the sparsest dusting of chest hair and dripping with the same peach juice that’s sliding down his Adam’s apple, from his strong chin, from the crooked smirk that’s pointed at you like a knife.

You recognize him before he speaks– this must be Eren. Sasha’s mentioned him enough times: the shock of rich, dark hair, the lakewater eyes, the way he leans back in his chair like a king and cocks his head like a trickster. This is Eren, and you tell him so.

“Guilty.” The sun compliments everything about him but his smile, a little too sharp with too much danger behind it. It’s a smile made for moonlight. “And you are?”

A memory surfaces in your mind, a cautionary childhood tale. “You can never let a fairy know your name,” Emma tells you, graver than death, crouched in the bushes beside you, “or they steal you away, and you can never be human again.”

“Well?” Eren says expectantly, head leaning even further to the left. He’s studying you, the baggy linen pants pooling around your toes and ruby-studded ears poking out of a fray of frazzled bedhead. You feel naked, feel a wild urge come over you and wonder how his eyes would glow at you if you were. You shiver, goosebumps raising in the stuffy summer air. When his lips twitch, you realize Eren’s noticed; you feel feverish.

You mumble your name at him, as if it’s something given unwillingly. Waking the espresso machine seems like the right thing to do with your hands, and you’re grateful for the noisy mechanical sounds it provides to shatter the still morning. You bring an absentminded hand to rub over the tip of your ear, feel if it’s grown to a point yet.

“We haven’t met, have we? I feel like if we had, I’d remember.”

God, you wish he’d stop talking.

“Well, do you go to Oxford?”

“Sometimes.” You roll your eyes, and he laughs, little bells and glass shattering. “I’ve been abroad for the last semester. I flew in from Egypt a couple of weeks ago.”

“Hm,” you hum to yourself, choosing a small red cup for your morning coffee. You aren’t sure what to say; the most exotic place you’ve ever visited was a seaside town three hours from your house.

You can hear his newspaper crinkling; the sound of him putting it down betrays his arrival behind you, but you still don’t expect the puff of warm breath over your shoulder. He comes into your space like he belongs there, like there’s never been a door that wasn’t held open for him to stride through. “Are you still asleep?”

Before you can answer, you hear a shriek from down the hallway, and you breathe a little sigh of relief, thanking whatever ancient gods that belong to the hills you’re in for the interruption. Venus springs to mind, and you swat her and her entourage of Graces away from you with a huff.

“You absolute asshole!” Historia comes barreling into the kitchen, dramatic, fluffy dressing robe spilling out into the unrelenting summer heat behind her. You realize that in the three weeks you’ve spent with her, you haven’t once seen her in the actual kitchen, watching the way the breakfast chef’s eyes widen at the sight of her as he hurries by with an armful of eggs.

“Stori!” Eren elegantly catches her best attempt at a tackle with the good grace you assume he does everything with, breaking out into a warm peal of laughter. “Since when do you not love a surprise?”

“Since always.” Historia’s face is scrunched up where she’s buried it into the crook of his neck, forehead red with the effort of squeezing Eren as hard as she can. “You could have at least called, I mean– ugh, I didn’t even get the chance to get your favorite–”

“Relax.” Eren urges her, rubbing soothing circles into the small of her back. He carries them both over to his seat, plopping down and curling her up in his lap like a child. Eren holds his cup of coffee to her lips temptingly, and Historia shoves it away with another scowl. You hide your giggle at her antics behind your espresso, not wanting to remind them of your presence, but enjoying the show all the same. “Brat.”

“Ow,” Historia hisses when he pinches her thigh, expression lightening when she catches sight of something on the wall. “I always forget how pretty the kitchen is here.”

“Where’s your brother?”

“Still getting dressed.” Historia’s blue eyes turn to the frescoed ceiling with an irritated huff. “You know he can’t stand to be seen in his pajamas.”

“That’s because he doesn’t wear any,” Eren remarks with an eye roll of his own. “You could have called to let me know we’d adopted such a pretty houseguest for the summer.”

Your face burns with acknowledgement, and you can feel your toes curling into the clay bricks of the floor hard enough to scrape the tip of your pinky. Eren seems satisfied at your bewilderment, letting his eyes drag over your hardly-covered chest lazy as a wandering mouth.

“Why would anyone wear pajamas under those heavy duvets? It’s almost thirty-two degrees out.” Armin breezes in in a feigned display of nonchalance, but you can see the way his eyes skim over Eren like a ship narrowly avoiding an iceberg. The Titanic was inevitable, and so is the gravity of Eren sitting golden on the other side of the room.

“You look good, Min.” Eren squints his eyes at Armin’s shirt, nearly identical to his own. “Where’d you get that?”

“You left it last summer,” Historia hums, tucking her head under Eren’s chin and nuzzling into his chest more completely. Armin makes a soft snort of irritation, grabbing for a fig in the bowl of fruit on the counter and beginning to rummage through the cabinet drawers.

“Do you want half a fig?” Armin’s cool gaze slides to you, and you shake your head, feeling a little underwater as two lifelong relationships unfurl in front of you, your mind still fuzzy from last night’s wine. “Historia?”

Historia says no as Eren says yes, and Armin makes his sound of annoyance again before continuing his rummaging, muttering about the inconvenience of finding a knife.

“Do my eyes deceive me?” Sasha, still disheveled with sleep and grinning bright as Christmas morning, pops her head around the doorway. “Shouldn’t you be overseeing the construction of your pyramid?”

“I’m not dead, Sasha,” Eren laughs—it really is distracting when he does that—pulling Sasha onto his other knee, ignoring Historia’s grumbles of discontent. The NYU Men’s Lacrosse t-shirt that Sasha cropped too short rides up, exposing the swell of her breast, but no one acknowledges it. Eren’s hand tucks in snugly around the curve of her hip, easy and natural, and you wonder if his fingers have ever itched to travel up under the hem of her tiny sleep shorts.

“Not dead yet.” Historia glares up at him venomously, reluctantly making room for Sasha to pile onto Eren and smother his face with kisses. Sasha pulls away from him suddenly and frowns.

“Peaches?”

“Where are the knives in this fucking kitchen?” Armin’s growl of frustration is loud enough to make you jump, and Sasha giggles at you.

“Jesus, Armin, you’re going to kill her, and it’s not even noon.” Sasha slips off of Eren’s knee, practically bouncing over to where Armin’s viciously jiggling a locked drawer. She slides open the drawer next to him and draws a long, wide knife from it, passing it to him with the blade extended and her eyes on you. “Did you meet Eren?”

“Careful of his hand!” Historia squeals, shooting an arm out towards Armin as if she can deflect the tip of the blade from across the room.

“It’s fine, Stor.” Armin’s voice floats across his nearly-bare shoulder, mild and careless as it grazes the collar of the too-big button down sliding off of his slim frame.

“That knife’s a little big for a fig, Sasha.” Eren stands, placing Historia on the table and pinching her cheek when she scowls at him.

“There’s no such thing as a too-big knife– listen to me. Did you meet Eren?” Sasha’s fingers are gripping into the flesh of your arm– hard. Your eyes widen in surprise at the urgency in her eyes, like if you haven’t been introduced to Eren, there’s grave danger afoot.

“We met.” It happens quickly and easily, the slide of his heavy arm around your shoulders. You can feel your body tense under the lazy weight of him, big hand wrapped around you like it belongs there. “I don’t think she’s particularly fond of me.”

Eren shoots you a wink that you’re sure is intended to mean something, a reference to an inside joke that you have yet to establish, maybe.

“I didn’t say that,” you say in your own defense, wanting to yank Sasha to the side and demand to know why she hadn’t warned you that Cupid himself was going to greet you in the kitchen this morning. Armin slices the fig neatly in half, a strangely practiced motion performed by small, soft hands. He offers it to you again insistently, and frowns when you shake your head.

“I said I wanted it, ‘Min,” Eren says with a hint of red to his words, snatching the halved fig from Armin’s hand and biting into it voraciously, little pieces of the flesh spattered around the corner of his mouth.

“You’re such a brute,” Armin scoffs, picking the meat of his half out gingerly with an oyster fork that you don’t remember him grabbing from the drawer.

“Why don’t you like Eren?” Sasha pouts at you, grabbing the hand that’s squashed between yours and Eren’s hips. Your palm feels hot against her fingers.

“I said I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t say much of anything, to be fair.” Eren’s got the fig pressed to his mouth, digging his teeth and tongue around in the husk of it obscenely enough to make your cheeks warm. Being so close to him is filthy, that cross around his neck is looking you straight in the eye to make sure you feel it. 

“Eren’s always a pest,” Historia provides from her perch on the kitchen table, picking at her perfectly manicured toenails, “why would she like him?”

“You like him plenty,” Armin says, not looking at her. It’s not the first time that’s been brought up, if Historia’s answering sneer is anything to go by.

“You’ll love him if you give him a chance.” Sasha smiles hopefully at you, nodding.

“Yeah,” Eren grins down at you, teeth colored with fig, “give me a chance.”

“Eren, you’re going to scare her off,” Armin says with a roll of his eyes, peering around Eren’s broad shoulders to look you up and down. The way his eyes drag over you makes you feel like there might be a stab wound somewhere on your person that you don’t know about yet, the adrenaline of the moment keeping you numb.

“Back off her, Eren,” Historia echoes, “she’s fun, I don’t want you to make her leave.”

“She’s not going to leave.” Eren looks directly at you as he says it, something in his smile growing imperceptibly darker. A dare. How much will you let me get away with?

You stare and stare at him, ignoring the continued bickering of Armin and Historia in the background. He’s golden and blood-red, oil smeared on his forehead and a crown of thorns nestled in his dark thatch of hair if you look close enough. If you’re not imagining it, his hand might be tightening around your shoulder, maybe he’ll leave a purple bruise on it.

“Of course not,” Sasha interrupts your thoughts, thumbing at your cheek affectionately, “she belongs here. With us.”

“She’s our little fairy,” Historia giggles dreamily, referencing the long-winded fairy tales you drunkenly make up every night, casting each other as heroines and knights and dragons.

“Right,” Eren agrees, not breaking your gaze, “our little fairy.”

The only thing that comes to mind is your childhood friend, Emma, looking on at you sadly with her muddy toes, watching the wings sprout from your back.

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

Days lug themselves by, barefooted and dragging their heels, and most of the time, even the monotonous rise and fall of the sun doesn’t help to differentiate one calendar block from the next. Like a bat, or maybe a slinky, silvery fish in an underwater cave, you rely on your other senses to track the passage of time.

For example, today, you know it’s a Wednesday because Maria, one of the three house chefs, brings fresh peaches up from the co-op down the hill every Wednesday. Sasha’s spent the last thirty minutes hand feeding you peach flesh as you lounge by the pool, insisting that you suck her fingers clean of juice and feeding you little sips of champagne each time you sober up enough to tell her that that’s lewd. Historia swats at you and giggles at the smacking and slurping sounds you make around Sasha’s fingers, oiled-up palm landing on oiled-up hip with a wet slap; Armin admonishes her quietly from his seat beside her, insisting the girlish noises emanating from the three of you are tearing him from his book. You can feel Eren watching, too– that’s all, though. Always just watching.

You wonder how opaque the lenses of Armin’s sunglasses are, perched haphazardly on your nose, wonder if they’re doing a good job of masking the slow lick of your gaze over Eren’s skin, wonder if you care. Maybe the champagne is finally getting to your head.

“We should go in soon,” Historia sighs, a hand tossed across her forehead. She’s a little movie star, built for the golden age. “It’s so hot.”

“It’s always this hot,” Sasha argues, and you can practically hear the furrow in her brow, not willing to take your eyes off of the trickle of sweat running down Eren’s chest to see it for yourself. You’re really getting the hang of it, this opposite-sense thing. Everything’s upside down here in the heat.

“She’s getting hungry,” Armin supplies, wiping the sweat off his palms to reach up and turn the page of his novel. Brideshead Revisited. A little on the nose, isn’t it?

“I am not!” Historia hates when people point out her appetite, but not really. She kicks up a fuss because it’s “ladylike”, and she’s advised you to do the same.

“You are,” you sigh, really feeling the heat sink into you even with the heavy, lazy movement of lolling your head to face her, “you always get hungry around this time.”

“What time is it, then?”

You don’t reply– you don’t know the answer.

“I think we’re all hungry,” Eren, ever the peacemaker when he can find the time to be so, sits up, letting the shirt that’s been shading his face fall into his lap. Your eyes track its descent– even that seems slow. He says something to you, managing a crooked grin while he squints in the heat of the sun, but you don’t hear it.

“Huh?”

“Everyone except you, anyway,” he repeats himself, reaching over Sasha and smearing his thumb through the peach juice collected on your chin. Eren’s thumb disappears between his pink lips, and when he sucks on it with a satisfied hum, your jaw clenches hard enough to hurt.

“I guess it’s getting close to dinner,” Sasha says regretfully, picking her wristwatch, a priceless Braus family heirloom, up from a puddle of orange juice and tanning oil. “We should probably clean off.”

“I might even shower twice,” Armin rubs a hand over his belly with a grimace, “this tanning oil makes my skin greasy.”

“I feel disgusting,” Historia agrees, sliding red toes into her sandals and standing with a dramatic stretch.

“Filthy,” Eren murmurs in agreement. He’s still staring at you.

“I’ll be in soon. I’m so close to the color I wanted for today– I just need, like, ten more minutes.” You peel down the strip of bathing suit stretched over your hip, showing off the distinct mark of yesterday’s color and today’s tan.

“You’re crazy,” Sasha scoffs, throwing some designer sarong her mother lent her over her shoulder, “I’m melting.”

Armin and Historia pause their bickering over who gets to wear Armin’s Cucinelli belt to dinner—Armin wants it for his trousers, Historia for her maxi dress—just long enough to offer a momentary goodbye, breezing along into the house with Sasha. You settle back into your chair and take a deep breath, letting the sun sink into you just long enough to forget that you’re not alone.

“Open up.”

You’ve been enjoying this game of trading one sense for another, and you keep your eyes shut firmly, letting your jaw fall open and your tongue hang out. A piece of peach, fleshy and dripping with juice, finds its way onto your tongue, pinched too roughly between strong fingers. When you close your lips around the fruit, the fingers stay with it, frozen in their pinched position and forcing you to suck the peach from them, to swallow around them, to run your tongue along them and get as much of the meat as you can. When the fingers withdraw from your lips, you open your eyes and gasp quietly.

Eren’s leaning over you, a solar eclipse that smells like tan skin and sounds like Campari, and in the silhouette of the sunlight, you think he’s smiling.

“You’re still hungry,” he says, a question that’s left its punctuation mark behind. You think of Historia, of the improper shame of revealing your appetite. You dodge.

“I’m never hungry.”

“Never?” Eren crawls over you to kneel between your legs, propping one of your ankles up on his shoulder. The game you started is ripped out of your hands, chess pieces flying into the pool, scattering across the table, knocking over bottles and matchbooks. It’s so silent out here in the sun it hurts, and you almost miss the constant buzzing horseflies of early summer.

“Never.”

“If you’ve never been hungry,” Eren muses, tilting his head so that his cheekbone fits into the sensitive arch of your foot, reaching a hand down to splay it wide on your belly, “you’ve never been full.”

“How do you figure?” Your words come out throaty, waterlogged.

“Can’t have one without the other.” Eren shrugs, turning his head to the side. His lips brush against your heel, your Achilles’, the swirly seashell dangling from your anklet. You dig your teeth into your bottom lip, toes twitching behind his ear. “I don’t believe you, anyway.”

“No?” You try to tilt your head coyly, like your heart’s not clawing and scratching against your throat to get to him. Hungry, indeed.

“You wouldn’t stare like that if you didn’t want to.”

You’re taken aback, but not enough to fall out of the moment– Eren’s lips closing around the knob of your ankle slowly, like the pit of a fruit, make sure of that.

“Didn’t want to what?”

Eren’s hands meet the cushion on either side of your head hard enough to rattle the chair, his long, tanned body stretching over yours. He’s close enough to brush his nose against yours, but you can still see the hazy green of his eyes flicking here and there on your face: from your eyes to your lips to the beauty mark on your cheek. Your poolside lounge feels more like a butcher’s block under your taut spine.

Sasha’s told you about the wolves in these hills, that they howl murder at night, but they’re sleepy and indulgent in the heat of the sun. One of Eren’s canines catches the light and glints at you as he grins.

“Eat yourself sick.” He practically spits it into your mouth, one thigh pressed into where you’re sticky and sinful, and he chuckles under his breath when you shudder under him, feverish in the late-afternoon heat.

Before you can even think of biting back, Eren’s off of you, picking your sandals off of the ground and sliding them gently onto your feet, stopping to run his palm from your ankle to your kneecap with an appraising hum. 

“We should head inside,” he says evenly, offering a hand to pull you to your feet, “I’d hate for us to miss dinner.”

You don’t have anything to say back to him, letting him lace his fingers through yours like lines in a play, interspersing seamlessly with the summer scenery. Eren leads you through the kitchen, waits patiently for you to take your sandals off, and waves you on your way up the stairs, saying he needs a cigarette. As the distance between you grows, your mind grows clearer, and you turn on your heel, calling down to him from the top of the stairs.

“Eren? Eren? Where are you, Eren?”

“Call me something else,” Eren pokes his head around the corner, smoke pouring from the grin on his face, “whatever you want, really. Make your own name for me.”

“You stare at me, too,” you say, tearing through his impishness. Eren cocks his head, unperturbed, smile growing wide as he nods.

“I do.”

“So you’re…” You can’t bring yourself to say it, not where it might echo in the cavernous hallway, where it might take the form of a confession. You scamper down the stairs, nearly sliding on bare feet, almost crashing into Eren when he appears at the foot of the staircase, catching you with two broad palms on either side of your ribcage. You pluck the cigarette from his mouth, stick it between your own teeth, narrow your eyes accusingly, and whisper: “You’re hungry too.”

“For every man hath business and desire, Such it is.” Eren takes the cigarette back, pulling on it and making a clear show of trying to hide a smirk.

“Hamlet?”

“A woman with teeth and a brain,” Eren tilts his head at you, “aren’t you something?”

“Do you always quote Shakespeare when you want to fuck somebody?”

“Only when I want to fuck you.” Eren stubs the cigarette out on the ancient oak of the staircase railing, grins up at you brilliantly, smiles brighter when he notices how obviously flustered you are.

“I need to go take a shower,” you say hurriedly, choking on the remnants of your shame and your confidence as they burn out in your throat, making an attempt to back up the stairs away from him. Eren laughs at your attempted escape, catching you by the wrist and pulling you close to him, close enough to dizzy you on the tendrils of smoke still sticking to him. Your breath stills, your heart slows as Eren wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you together, skin on tacky skin.

“Oh, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?” Eren coos to you, mouth moving against your cheekbone. “C’mon, just one bite.”

“He that is proud eats up himself,” you hiss a quote back at him in response, ripping yourself from his grip and scrambling up the stairs, heart pounding and cheeks burning. You can hear a lovesick sigh follow you up to your room, and hope that the slam of the door behind you is enough to keep it from touching you.

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

The murky waters of your vision ripple out into clarity, and you’ve found yourself in a forest. You’ve been here before, you recognize the tall, thick trunks and the bed of fallen leaves under your feet. You’ve been coming here since you were a little girl, been wiggling your toes in the greenery since before you could remember. You never come alone.

It appears just as you remembered: a blinding glimmer of light, a flame for a head, and ribbonlike wisps of energy that beckon you like arms, like love. One step towards it, and it disappears, vanishing into nothing with an echo that might be laughter. You think it’s happy to see you.

When it reappears a few feet away, you take your first steps, sighing at the feeling of the wild enveloping you, of the prickling of your skin, kissed by the chill winding through the trees. You wish you could explore this place, so familiar and so strange all at once, but you know you have to keep moving, keep following the lights as they lead you deeper and deeper into the forest. They won’t hurt you; you aren’t sure why that’s true, aren’t sure why you keep moving. You just know better than to stop.

They lead you over a familiar path, winding past a creek, over a bed of flat stones with an ice-cold creek running over them. You never tire here, legs pumping and arms working to push yourself faster. You’ve never caught the lights, and you aren’t sure if you ever will, but again, you know better than to doubt. It feels like hours, feels like minutes, feels like purpose, chasing these lights through the forest, but suddenly, something’s new.

There’s a little chirping sound, almost conversational and too high-pitched for you to understand; you’re not even sure if you recognize the language. It ricochets around the bones in your body, touches something ancient in their marrow. You almost jerk your head to the right to find the source, but you resist, pushing ahead on your path as the lights lead you deeper. You get the feeling that you’ve gone off-script somewhere, that this is a part of the forest you haven’t seen before, but the warmth in your bones shoos your doubts away. You’ve never been this far, but it feels like home.

A growl curls around the shell of your ear, plants fear right in the center of your chest. Your eyes widen at the light before you before it disappears; you frown at the next one, not daring to speak but demanding an answer anyhow. The lights will save you, won’t they?

Shrieks from overhead, guttural, animalistic calls, howls and chatters of excitement; you never presumed to be alone in this forest, but you never presumed to be in danger, either. The lights urge you on, vanishing and regenerating at an alarming rate, your feet drumming against the forest floor faster and faster. A sliver of moonlight begins to glow from the trees a ways off, an indication that there’s a clearing ahead, and you shove the bile in your throat down, swing your arms faster, ignore the frantic fluttering of your pulse in time with the bestial chorus ringing clearer and louder from the trees with each passing second.

You do, against all odds, manage to launch yourself into the clearing, and the moment you feel the soft cushion of moss under your feet, as opposed to the branch-littered, crunchy path of the forest, you nearly stumble to your knees as your eyes adjust to the sudden brightness of the clearing. The grumblings of the woodland entities have quieted, an almost awestruck silence settling in the open space around you.

“There you are.”

Your head snaps up comically fast– “You?”

“Me,” Eren says, that razor-sharp, moonlight smile lighting up his face. He looks…right here, as if the forest is extending a sense of belonging, as if he’s been here longer than the ancient trees themselves. Even the little crown nestled atop his head is fitting: a tangle of brambles and thorns and leaves tucked into his dark locks. Is that a throne under him, that mass of branches and leaves and some silvery metal you can’t place?

His eyes glow in the starlight, illuminated with a certain hunger that you can feel reverberating through your bones. It should be frightening, but it’s enticing. You feel welcome.

“What are you doing here?” Your tongue is slower on the uptake than your mind, and you can feel the suspicious expression folding your facial features, hiding the thrum of anticipation the sight of him brings.

Eren cocks his head pityingly, smiling at you in a way that would seem predatory if it wasn’t so entirely disarming, so entirely inviting. Your feet are bringing you closer before he even speaks— you know why you’re here before he says it.

“I’ve been waiting so long,” Eren beckons you onto his lap, firmly grabbing your shoulder and silently demanding you straddle him when you try to turn away from him, “you’re beautiful, so…alive here.”

He takes a bit of your hair between your fingers and rubs it, satisfaction flickering over his face. It’s then that you realize how little fabric covers you; really, it’s only a thin, wispy excuse of a dress, hanging in tatters around your body and leaving your skin free for the taking. Taking notice of your dress leads you to take notice of another pressing matter: Eren’s naked beneath you.

“Where are we?”

“Does it matter?” Eren reaches up to toy with your hair again, smiling gently. He tilts his head up, asking you for something you can’t identify, but that you already know you’re willing to give. Your soul, maybe.

Your lips meet his in a tentative brush, a motion that feels shy, but practiced. It’s a reflex, an instinct, to kiss him this way. Eren groans gutturally against your mouth, pressing into you deeper, digging his fingertips into your bare skin. The chorus of inhuman chatter erupts around you both again, and you jump, almost pushing away from him before he stops you with a firm hand against the small of your back.

“Sh,” he whispers, nipping at your chin, “don’t pay them any mind. You’re with me, remember?”

It’s difficult at first with the ever-growing hum of life around you, but it grows increasingly easier to melt into him, to lose yourself in the rhythm of him. He’s thick and hard underneath you, pressed right where you’re already slick and ready for him, and he’s got a tight grip on your hips, working you against him to make sure you feel it and oh– do you feel it.

A debauched gasp pours from your mouth to his; Eren sinks sharp teeth into your bottom lip with a grunt of approval, pulls you up to situate you over his twitching cock. You can feel the lecherous eyes of the woodland creatures, spirits, monsters, whatever they may be around you, looking in on the sticky, tangible arousal building between your bodies. The steady glow of Eren’s eyes, the prick of the thorns in his hair under your fingertips, the insistent weight of him pressing against the wet heat of you: all of it keeps you grounded, keeps your hips rolling into Eren like your life depends on it, like it’s what you were born to do.

“Are you ready?” Eren murmurs, quiet as the grave, stilling your hips and lifting you.

“I’m not sure, I–”

“I’ve been waiting so long,” Eren interrupts, “so long for you– you’re ready for me, I know you are.”

And with that, he’s sliding you down onto his cock, splitting you open, dropping your jaw. The cacophony from the forest grows deafening, but the glowing eyes in the brush streak and blur as your eyes flutter closed, a stuttered moan falling from your lips.

“Oh–”

“Knew you were ready,” Eren sinks his teeth into your collarbone, lets you wiggle and roll your hips until he’s situated comfortably inside of you. “You were born for this. For me.”

You can’t even bring yourself to disagree, to refute, to question. It’s godly, the way he fills you, the twinge of pain in the pit of your belly that doesn’t waver, no matter which way you squirm. The longer you sit, perched upon him– you feel something akin to divinity, akin to prophecy ringing through your bones. You were born for this.

“Eren…” It’s more of a sigh than anything, a confession and an admittance of guilt, a repentance. He likes the way it tastes, you can tell by the way his hands grip you harder, roll you along his cock faster with an urgency that betrays his calm, adoring gaze. He’s sinking his claws into you, bit by bit, and you’re better for it. You belong here, with the night on your skin and Eren nestled inside of you.

“Don’t ever leave,” Eren smiles gently, as if it’s a choice, “stay with me forever.”

The pleasure’s beginning to peak in your stomach, the howls swirling in the air around you start to feel more like a blanket, the moonlight like a crown. His hands are so hot they almost burn, his tongue licking up your neck feels like a baptism. Your back is arching, your blood is rushing, the stars are speaking to you– what are they saying?

Your fingernails have left angry indents in your throat where you’ve clutched into the skin in a desperate attempt to regain your breath, shooting up out of your slumber with a vicious jolt. Your head spins with the sudden movement, the antique furnishings of the room bleeding into candlelit blurs as you heave for breath.

“Sleeping?”

You nearly jump out of your skin at the gravel of Eren’s voice, having believed yourself to be alone. Some instinctual part of your mind almost remembers falling asleep on the loveseat in the glass-enclosed sunroom earlier, one too many martinis to thank for that, but you can worry about that later– Eren’s your priority now, shirtless and leaned against the doorframe with one eyebrow raised and a very telling flush rising to his cheeks. The chilly wetness between your legs brings your dream to the forefront of your mind. Had he heard, somehow?

“What are you doing down here?” You do your best to narrow your eyes into something convincing enough to pass for annoyance, unsure if you’ve managed to pull it off with the rapid rise and fall of your chest.

“Water,” Eren says simply, raising a glass you hadn’t noticed he was holding, “but it seems like you might need it more than I do.”

“I don’t–” He ignores you, crossing the room to hand you the ornate glass. Your throat is dry, and so you drink, eyeing him suspiciously as you sip.

“Dreaming?” The corner of his mouth twitches almost imperceptibly.

“Nightmare.” You push yourself up to sit, crossing your arms defensively over your chest. “How’d you know?”

A long pause, Eren’s eyes dragging over you slowly, your skin burning. “You were squirming.”

“It was disturbing,” you say truthfully, looking over your shoulder and half-expecting to see some horrible monster leering at you from the doorway, salivating over you and Eren, “but I’ve had this same dream since I was a kid. Part of it, anyway.”

“Need company?”

“No,” you say quickly, shaken by the dream and how low Eren’s pajama pants hang on his hips, “I just need to get to my real bed. I’m sure sleeping outside had something to do with it.”

“That’s not true.” Eren’s scooping you up into his arms before you can open your mouth to argue, as if you even would. This isn’t unusual for him; you’ve grown used to his tendency to touch you, to hold you close to his chest as though you belong there. It echoes in your head, you were born for this. A shudder wracks through your body. “Cold?”

“Mhm,” you hum, not trusting your own voice. Eren nuzzles your head deeper into his shoulder, lets you get a noseful of the scent of him. Dewdrops, mankind, a rotting forest floor. It gives you a disconcerting sense of deja vu.

“Sleeping outside is good for you,” Eren goes on, scaling the stairs with impossible ease, “my mom used to tell me that.”

“Is that so?” It brings a sleepy little smile to your face, despite yourself: the image of a messy-haired, fussy baby Eren, curled up in his mother’s lap and looking up at the night sky.

“Sure.” You can hear the nostalgia in his voice. “The stars can talk to you that way, through your dreams. They show you where you’re supposed to go.”

Your blood runs cold at that– does he know? How could he? He’s a man, not a mind-reader, not a mystic. Right? You let him carry you to your door in silence, the only noise being the padding of his bare feet down the Turkish carpet runner in the hall. When he gets to your door, Eren finally starts to move to let you down, and your mouth moves without your permission, voice small and echoing in the still nighttime air.

“Eren?”

He freezes, muscles locking you in place against his chest. “Yeah?”

“Was I talking in my sleep?”

Eren settles you on your feet before answering, leaving one lingering hand on your hip and bringing the other up to brush at your cheek. Your eye must have been watering– his thumb catches a stray tear. His smile is a little too sharp when he answers.

“No, why?”

“Just wondering.” Relief courses through your body, but your muscles stay taut under his touch.

“Okay,” Eren looks you up and down one more time, as if he’s making sure you’re all there, “goodnight, then. I hope your dreams get better.”

When he turns to go, the broad silhouette of him growing darker as he retreats, you remember something fragile underneath the floorboards.

“Wait, Eren! You forgot your water.”

“My what?” When he turns to face you, he’s still grinning– baring his teeth, more like. You think you’re imagining the glow in his eyes, too fresh from that dream.

“Your water. I think I have a cup in my room if you need it.”

“Oh.” Eren waves a hand nonchalantly through the air, catching a stray stream of moonlight. You can see the dust particles dancing around his hand, enchanted by his movement. “Wasn’t thirsty."

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

It’s a slinky, dazzling dress; Elie Saab, Spring 2005, maybe? 2006? Sasha had lent it to you, insisted upon you taking it, really. It’s got to be worth at least your years’ rent payment, dripping with Swarovski and cut low and square across your chest, and easily the most decadent thing you’ve ever worn but– it’s family dinner night. No expense is spared.

Historia sits across from you, reaching one dainty hand out for Armin’s negroni, nearly dipping the massive drop-pearl charm on her bracelet into the first course: a cold, cucumber soup. Armin nudges her meaningfully, scowling and handing his glass to her, glancing apologetically at the stiff-backed butler across the room, who wasn’t looking anyway. Sasha’s at the head of the table, working on Historia’s serving of the cucumber soup, dunking focaccia bread into it in a voracious manner that you’re sure wasn’t outlined in the etiquette courses she’d endured as a child. And he’s next to you, naturally.

His dinner jacket looks out of place on him, oddly enough: angular and overly formal, as well-fitting as it is. You wish it was a little greener, a little more playful, something to match the Eren you’ve gotten to know under all the glitz and glamour. It’s too human for him, really, but that thought makes you shudder faster than you can shove it to the side.

“Wasn’t that the girl from Luxembourg?” Sasha asks through a giggle, finally leaning back to allow the butler to collect the remnants of her first course. Historia frowns at her, gulps back nearly half of Armin’s cocktail.

“No, the girl from Luxembourg was a slut. He wouldn’t have touched her.”

Armin and Eren exchange a look that implies that, whoever the slut from Luxembourg might have been, she didn’t escape their clutches unscathed. Historia notices the guilty smile dimpling Eren’s cheek and smacks Armin in retaliation.

“Ouch, Stori!” Armin scowls right back at her; if you didn’t know about Armin’s father’s remarriage to Historia’s mother, you’d think they were actually related.

“She was a slut,” Historia sniffs, finishing the rest of Armin’s cocktail in a second swig.

“It was Eren’s idea– you’re always punishing me for what he does.” When the staff place the second course, some sort of ceviche, in front of him, Armin crosses his arms over his chest and looks away like a huffy child. Sasha laughs and swats at his shoulder.

“Don’t pretend you don’t have your own hand in things. You can’t blame everything on Eren.”

“Maybe he can,” you shrug, the champagne going to your head. You’re feeling impish, feeling like one of them. Wildly, you reach a hand up to pinch at Eren’s cheek, smiling to yourself when you feel it turn warm under your fingers. “I mean, just look at him. He’s a devil.”

“Am not,” Eren scoffs, slapping a hand on your leg and shaking it playfully, “you weren’t there anyway. Min’s very convincing when he wants to be.”

“I am.” Armin smiles at you, head tilting intrepidly. “I can get Eren to share anything I want, I bet.”

It feels loaded, like a challenge, and Eren’s fingers tighten where he’s gripping your leg. When you chance a glance to the side at him, his jaw is tense, gaze focused on Armin like a threat, like a predator.

“Not anything,” Eren says, voice low and dangerous, more somber than you’ve ever heard him. Armin’s face falls for a millisecond, scrunching his nose at the murderous glint in Eren’s eyes, before he clenches his jaw and glances between the two of you with a haughty smirk.

“Est-ce vrai? En êtes-vous sûr? Tu l'as dit toi-même - je suis convaincant quand je veux quelque chose.”

“Ne commencez pas avec moi, pas pour ça.” It’s hardly louder than a murmur, but the threat carries all the same. You look to Sasha with widened eyes, hoping for a translation, but she’s chewing slowly on a bite of her ceviche, looking at Armin, Eren, then Armin again with a strange expression you’ve never seen before.

A heavy silence settles over the table, Eren’s fingertips leaving sore spots through your dress where they’re digging into your thigh, and Armin’s eyes dancing over Eren’s face, that same smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth. Daring.

“You two are so in love,” Historia gripes with a roll of her eyes, smashing the carefully-cubed ceviche on her plate into a mush. You eye the smear of meat on her fork disdainfully and set down the bite you had been about to pop in your mouth, opting for your glass of bubbles instead.

The jokingly grumpy lilt of Historia’s comment seems to cut the thread of tension that had grown taut between the two men, as Armin allows Sasha to pull him away from Eren and back into his corner of the table with her and Historia. Their conversation drones on, the ethics of Eren and Armin’s tendency to tag-team women fading into the background as you wait for Eren’s hand to slip from your thigh. It doesn’t.

His thumb rubs idly over the slit of your dress, brushing it back and forth over your bare skin for just long enough to get you used to the pressure of his palm beaming heat through the thin fabric, get your guard down. And then his fingers slip underneath, grabbing into the hot flesh of your thigh.

You jump ever so slightly, flighty as a fawn, and Eren chuckles under his breath beside you when you choke a bit on your champagne. He’s cool—stoic, even—as he bashfully bats away the scandalous insinuations of Sasha and Historia’s storytelling, the lewd raise of Armin’s eyebrows at the mention of a certain leggy redhead in Prague. His hand stays steady, possessive and permanent on your leg. When Armin and Historia start arguing over yet another of Armin’s alleged missteps with one of her college friends, Eren takes the opening to lean into you, murmuring into your ear.

“What’s got you so jumpy?” His breath puffs out hot and sensual against the shell of your ear, and you can feel your earring lifting with the movement of his lips. He’s so close.

“Not jumpy,” you answer under your breath, trying to keep your composure.

“Hm,” Eren hums, leaning back just enough to study your profile, “wasn’t sure if you’d dozed off, started dreaming again.”

Your head whips towards him in what is surely an uncouth accusation of insinuation, borne of shock, but luckily, Armin’s too busy being hand-fed ceviche by Sasha and scolded by Historia to notice. Other than his eyes, Eren’s stiller than death, watching over the antics with the littlest smirk pulling at the corner of his lips. His eyes, though, flick down to you, glinting like a dare.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means something?” It’s a challenge, and you realize too late that the rope around your ankle has cinched, and you’re caught in his trap.

“No,” you say, hoping for more conviction in your voice, but it comes out as a breathy whisper. The corner of Eren’s mouth twitches, and it pulls an irritated huff from you.

“Tell me about your dream. The one that woke you up the other night.”

“Tell you– w-what? Here?”

“Yes, here,” Eren repeats you, quiet and calm, keeping one eye on your bickering friends to ensure you’re kept all to himself, “unless it’s something you can’t share.”

The blanching of your face tells him everything he needs to know, and that sickening admission almost overshadows the fact that he knows. He undeniably knows, now; maybe not the specifics, but enough to know that you had woken up sticky and gasping after a sinful dream. Maybe he even knows it was about him. 

You’ve given up on trying to understand the otherworldly elements of Eren; the way he seems to appear at inopportune moments and know what you’re thinking at every turn, but this is too much. You quickly realize that while you’re not sober, you’re certainly not drunk enough to deal with him, and you finish your glass of champagne in a single gulp.

“You’re one to talk about sharing,” you hiss at him, trying to will away the goosebumps prickling your arms as his fingers inch higher, skating along soft skin. Eren’s demeanor falters, if only for a moment– he looks frustrated.

“Didn’t you hear me?” Eren leans into you, brows furrowing. “I don’t share just anything, and especially not just because ‘Min wants a taste.”

“Am I yours to share?” That heavy swig of champagne has gone straight to your head it seems, as you turn your face up to him defiantly, finally saying the quiet part out loud. The weight falls off your shoulders like a head, and you can almost feel the itch of the guillotine at your neck as the words leave your mouth. Eren, ever the gentle executioner, only lets the calm fascination return to his face, brings his fingers further up your thigh.

“Tell me about your dream, hm? They’re not listening, it’s just you and me.”

He’s only inches away from where you’re already beginning to grow hot and wet– he hasn’t even done anything, and you want to chastise yourself over the undeniable need beginning to bubble inside you. Eren’s smiling so sweetly, as if he’s lulling you into a sense of complacency, and your tongue hangs heavy in your mouth, eager to spill your secrets.

“I…I’m scared.”

Eren’s eyebrows raise and his smile grows a bit toothier, disbelief written plain on his face. “Of me?”

“Sometimes,” you say, small and honest as the grave, “it’s like you aren’t real.”

“I’m very real,” Eren insists, two fingers pressing against the damp silk of your panties, his eyes lighting up when you stifle a gasp, “doesn’t that feel real?”

“Wait–”

“The dream,” Eren says again, increasing the pressure of his fingers, “were you scared of me there, too?”

“Yes,” you whisper, ashamed and painfully cognizant of the feel of him between your legs, “I was in a forest, running after the little lights, they– I’ve seen them for a long time.”

“Since you were a child,” Eren repeats your confession from the other night. He’s reading you, you realize, not like a book, but like a poem. You couldn’t put the difference into words if you had to, but there’s a certain melody to the flickering of his gaze over your hot face.

“They’ve never led me anywhere before,” your words hitch in your throat, stopped dead when Eren’s fingers start rubbing circles over your swollen clit. The silk is thin and soaked, and his fingers slide over you in a way that feels god-given. Your jaw hangs ever-so-slightly, the butlers coming to change the course. You wait for Eren to slip his hand out from under your dress, fearful of the staff watching as he toys with you, but he only nods encouragingly.

“Keep going.”

“Um,” you stammer, swallowing thickly and glancing at the plate of bleeding, rare filet in front of you, “they took me to a clearing in the forest. There were creatures, ones I’ve never seen before.”

“Did they hurt you? Any of them?” A furrow appears between his eyebrows, deep and concerned. Some small part of your brain, muted since Eren’s hand slid beneath your dress, worries itself with why Eren seems so disquieted with your dream– it’s not like you actually could have been hurt, it was only a dream. Wasn’t it?

“No, they stayed away. They just made a lot of noise, but they all got quiet when…”

A knowing smirk. “When?”

“When I saw you.”

Eren pats your thighs gently, urging them apart; he looks relieved, exhilarated, unreal. If you didn’t know better, you’d think his eyes were glowing in the candlelight. Armin, Historia, and Sasha’s clamor across the table grows louder with each passing second, but as soon as you begin to wonder if you should be doing a better job of hiding what’s very clearly happening under the slit of your dress, Eren’s fingers have wiggled their way beneath the fabric of your silk thong. Your teeth dig into your bottom lip, eyes widening.

“I was glad to see you,” Eren says quietly, “in the dream, I mean.”

“You said you’d been waiting for me,” you whisper, keeping your voice low to hide the whine scratching at the back of your throat, “that you’d been waiting a long time.”

“I bet I was,” Eren hums thoughtfully, grinning viciously when he sinks a finger into you, clearly relishing the way your fingernails tighten into his wrist. “I never lie.”

“Even in a dream?” You feel fuzzy and warm, blinking moony, worried eyes up at him. Eren shakes his head in confirmation, curling his finger and making your thighs clench. “You put me in your lap, and–and, you had a crown. It was nighttime, I think, and the moon was really bright. You were inside me.”

Eren slides another finger in to match the first, and you’re hardly able to stifle a moan when it comes fluttering through your teeth, a breeze of a sound compared to what you’re struggling to keep captive in your chest. Eren’s other hand reaches forward to grab a small piece of the carved steak, brings the meat up to your mouth and brushes it over your lips.

“Eat,” Eren instructs, smiling placidly as you mindlessly obey, biting into the red meat, “but keep telling me.”

He waits patiently for you to chew around the bite of steak he’s offered you, eyes searching you for something– what it is, you can’t be sure. Your mind is wobbling around the flashes of memory of your dream, distracted every few steps by an overwhelming rush of pleasure from between your legs, Eren’s fingers curling incessantly against your walls. You swallow, never taking your eyes off of him.

“You fucked me.” The confession is breathless when it leaves you, and even through the haze of what you pray isn’t a rapidly-approaching orgasm, you don’t miss the way Eren’s shoulders stiffen, the way his eyes flash. 

“Did I fuck you, or did you fuck me?” Eren murmurs back to you, mischief in his eyes and a tense gravel to his voice. “You said you were in my lap, after all.”

“I—oh, god—I don’t know,” you’re barely able to keep your voice low, a little whimper interrupting you, “Eren–”

“Keep going, it’s okay,” Eren’s fingers don’t slow– in fact, they begin to move more harshly, “you’re safe with me, you know that. I showed you in the forest, didn’t I?”

“Mhm.” You can’t stop your forehead from falling onto his shoulder, teeth digging into your lip so hard you aren’t sure if that coppery taste is from the steak, or your own blood. The conversation in the room, despite being made by only three people, feels like a deafening rush in your ears. 

The realization hits home that Eren’s going to make you cum all over his fingers in front of your friends, the staff, and your dinner, and he’s going to wrench it out of you in a matter of seconds, if the tightening of your gut is anything to go by.

“What else?” Eren practically growls in your ear, low and hoarse. “Is there anything else?”

“You asked me– fuck, you asked me something.” Your hips are canting forward into his palm, your face tacky and warm thinking about the couture fabric under you, now drenched in your cum and sweat. “Eren, you have to slow down, please–”

He’s merciless, pumping his fingers into you ceaselessly, rendering you a lost cause. “What did I ask you?”

“You asked—oh, my god—asked if I, if I would stay with you forever.”

“What was your answer?”

You can’t respond, not with the way you’ve stopped breathing to swallow down the debauched moan bubbling in your chest. Your entire body tenses, strung tight as a bow around Eren’s fingers as the knot in your stomach unravels, cool, inevitable release finally crashing over you. Eren works you through it, murmuring little hushes into your hairline, and placing a comforting hand over your fingers that are digging into his wrist, smiling against your forehead as you slide your hips back and forth over his hand.

You manage to pull the whole thing off impressively subdued, no more than a tinny whimper leaving your lips, only to be absorbed by the sleeve of Eren’s dinner jacket. When you dare to sit up, to meet Eren’s eyes, he’s still looking at you expectantly, as if that wasn’t enough.

“I can’t believe you just did that,” you whisper, waiting for Historia to chastise you, or Armin to make a lewd comment. The three of them are still arguing, Sasha stealing bites from Armin’s plate each time he turns to snap at Historia, who’s now sitting amongst a crowd of empty crystal glasses.

“What was your answer?” Eren says again, pulling his fingers from you and smirking at the glisten that stretches down into his palm.

“I woke up,” you say with shaky conviction, trying to glare at him.

“Are you still scared of me?” Eren asks innocently, picking up a piece of his steak with his hand and feeding it to you again. Your cum mixes in with the flavor of the steak, gives it a certain tang and salinity that makes your heart beat faster, even though you’ve just floated back down to consciousness.

“I– I don’t think so, but…” you trail off, looking down at the plate. Eren brings another piece to your lips, letting you bite half and giving the rest to himself, not missing the opportunity to suck on the tips of his fingers. Your thighs press together when his eyes flutter shut, knowing what he’s tasting and watching him revel in it.

“But what?”

“I don’t think I understand you,” you confess breathlessly, “I think that’s what scares me. I spend all day looking at you, and I never feel closer to understanding you, to really touching you. It’s like you’re not…” you trail off in search of the right word.

“Real?” Eren cocks an eyebrow at you.

“Human,” you say without entirely meaning to, widening your eyes at him in apology. “I’m sorry, not in a bad way necessarily, but– you feel…like you’re above me. In a sense.”

“Above you?” Eren frowns, forgetting his dinner entirely and looking straight at you with rejection written all over his face, wrinkles you want to smoothe over with your thumb.

“I just…” you sigh, finding it harder to meet his gaze by the second, “I don’t understand what you want with me.”

“Still?” Eren tilts his head. “Even after that?”

“The dream?” You nearly chuckle in exasperation. “It was just a dream, that’s all.”

Eren frowns a little, reaches for your glass of champagne– oh, god, when had that been refilled?– and hands it to you. He watches you take one sip, and then another, that concentrated pull of his eyebrows never ceasing until you reach a shaky hand out for your fork, beginning to feed yourself small bites of steak. His perplexed expression ripples out into one of contentedness, smiling gently as he watches you take care of yourself.

“All days are nights to see till I see thee, and nights bright days when dreams do show me thee,” Eren finally says, looking at you very much like you’re supposed to be parsing something out from his quote.

“On to the sonnets now, are we?” You cock a playful eyebrow at him, despite your tired, slouching posture and your repeated attempts to keep your guard up. Eren grins mischievously, leaning in as if he means to press the tip of his nose to yours.

“I know no ways to mince it in love, but directly to say–”

“If it be love indeed, tell me how much?” You’re quicker than him on this one, a vicious little smirk cutting across your face when you manage to cut him off. Eren’s eyebrows raise, impressed, but you don’t keep him down for long.

“There’s beggary in love that can be reckoned,” Eren finally says, twirling the ring on your pinky absentmindedly. You don’t even remember when he laid his hand atop yours, but it feels heavy and comforting, and so you let it lie there, just for the time being.

Your post-orgasm exhaustion hits you like a train, the temptation to slump against Eren’s shoulder winning out over your propriety. You’ll sit back up by the fourth course, you tell yourself, nibbling on a large piece of parsley that had come as a garnish on your plate. Eren doesn’t seem to mind the weight of your fuzzy head nodded into the cotton of his shoulder; in fact, he seems to adjust himself so you can nuzzle closer, eyes blinking owlishly as you reach for your glass of bubbles. You’re teetering dangerously close to the edge of unconsciousness, and you almost wouldn’t care, until something catches your eye.

Over the rim of your glass, Historia is staring at you. It’s not a look of admonishment, but more…caution? Concern? Pity? All you can discern for certain is that Historia must have seen everything Eren did to you, everything he’s still doing to you, taking a caviar bump off the back of his hand and laughing at Armin, shoulder shaking under your cheek. Historia’s brows furrow at you, her bottom lip wavering slightly.

You sit up suddenly, ignoring the way the room spins with the speed of your action. Eren turns his head to you, surprised, only to follow your gaze across the table to Historia. You’re trying to keep from looking at him, but you can’t help yourself, watching his expression crumple into something stern and disparaging.

Historia withers for only a moment, before narrowing her eyes at him threateningly. Eren squeezes his hand around yours. Sasha shoves Historia admonishingly for not listening to her joke. Armin’s eyes focus in on where your fingers grip your champagne flute hard enough to turn white.

You think you see a few pairs of familiar, glowing eyes in the bushes outside, peering in on the scene at the table. You think you need to go to bed.

[mays-simping-for-leona]

wanna date the king? (part 1)

part 2

so excited to write this one! this is somehow a part 2 of the bonus scene of this post, i will try to make it as long as possible

characters:

leona kingscholar x fem!reader, ruggie bucchi⏤͟͟͞͞★

information:

leona as 35 y/o king, ruggie as 32 y/o leona's right hand, kissing, romance, sfw⏤͟͟͞͞★

prompt:

15 years after Leona became the King of the Savannah, he suddenly decided to take you with him on vacation for one day to confess to you..⏤͟͟͞͞★

note: I took into consideration that Leona's personality may change over the years (15 years is not a small number), and because his life has become better, he will be in a good mood most of the time and playful, so you may feel that his writing and some of his behavior here may be unusual

The next day, you were sitting in your room in Leona's Palace, studying for your final exams. You were already about to graduate and needed to focus. You were tired because for the past week you had confined yourself to the room and you were studying non-stop and putting a lot of pressure on yourself..Your situation is very chaotic and you haven't seen Leona for 3 days already because he was very busy as well

Suddenly, your train of thought was interrupted by the sound of a knock on the door. You sighed and looked at yourself in the mirror...your condition is miserable, your hair looks like a scarecrow, you have circles, you have not washed your face yet this morning, You are wearing two different slippers, pajamas with Hello Kitty drawings on them and a random T-shirt you took from the closet

"coming..." You said wearily as you stood up, carrying a cup of coffee with you, and opened the door "yeah-..LEONA?"

"..good...morning?..." Leona was standing in front of the door. He stared at you for a few seconds while you looked this disastrous sight, and he was shocked. He turned his face away and was trying with all his might not to laugh

You didn't do anything, you just slammed the door closed in his face and ran to throw yourself on the bed, screaming in embarrassment. Why, today of all the days of your life, do you meet Leona while you look like a homeless??! You could hear him at the door laughing loudly, he couldn't help himself

"oi, herbivore! Open the door, don't act like I've never seen you like this before, I've seen worse of you in NRC" Leona reminded you that this was not the first time you had been like this...but he made the situation worse

You were not interested in your appearance in front of Leona previously because you did not love him, but now the years have passed and you have undoubtedly fallen in love with him. You will not allow yourself to appear in this ridiculous appearance in front of him again

Quickly, you got up, washed your face, pulled your hair up, changed your strange clothes, tried to appear as tidy as possible, and opened the door again "good morning..leona" You said in an embarrassed tone, trying to avoid looking into his eyes

"oh c'mon, you looked adorable" he teased, putting his hands behind his back and smirking "I don't mind sitting with you like this for hours~ just be yourself"

"be yourself?? Whoever hears you will think that I am walking around the palace dressed as a beggar! You know I like to maintain a good image of myself!" You said, trying to defend yourself, but Leona surprised you when he smiled... a gentle, friendly smile that was completely unusual from him "what's with that smile?" you raised one eyebrow

"oh, it's nothing" he chuckled, gesturing with his hand towards your room, not giving you the answer you craved "How about we go into your room and talk? I need to tell you something"

Fortunately you had at least tidied your room half an hour ago, so you stepped aside so he could pass and step in the room

"I haven't seen you for 3 days, how are you? I did not expect your visit..i thought you told me 'i will be busy for the next few days', aren't you?" You said as you sat on the bed and drank your coffee

"No I said that, but Ruggie convinced me to take a vacation..I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself lately" leona laid on the sofa in front of your bed, looking around the room and then back at you "y/n, You look tired, are you okay?"

You sighed as you threw yourself on the bed, sleeping on your back. “No...the tests have exhausted me. I don’t even have time to breathe...”

"i see.." Leona put his hand on his chin, thinking while examining your tired features

he didn't like it, you were exhausting yourself so much just for this stupid exams..Leona felt ashamed because the woman he loved sitting in front of him was suffering without him doing anything, so he decided to do what he saw fit without even taking your opinion

"You're going with me today, y/n"

"yeah yeah..i will-wait huh?" You lifted your head from the pillow and furrowed your eyebrows "Where?"

"vacation" Leona got up from the sofa and stood in front of the bed. He leaned his body forward and placed his right hand next to your head on the mattress while his other hand was behind his back and was looking at you seriously "Where I go, you will go with me and we will spend time together. You also need to rest"

"i-" You tried to protest and make excuses because of your exams

"shh.." leona shut you with his thumb on your mouth, preventing you from speaking "I don't take your opinion, miss. It's royal orders. You'll be coming with the king today, okay? I will talk to your professor at the university myself and have him postpone your exams for you"

You moved Leona's finger away from your mouth, looking at him sarcastically, "With the king? Why are you talking like I'm one of the women in your harem or something?"

"maybe you are" Leona laughed sarcastically and moved away from you, giving you a playful smile, “I don’t think you would refuse if I told you to become part of my harem anyway, miss~"

"hell nah, not even in your dreams" you through a pillow at him, trying to distract him to not see the blush on your face

your dirty thoughts took best of you as you imagined shitty-romantic scenarios of king-servant relationship with leona. he would stand correct, you would absolutely like to be pleasing him, but you will never admit it, over your dead body

"Prepare yourself and wear elegant, but light and comfortable clothes. We will be going to many places, so wear something that allows you to move comfortably" leona told you with the same smug on his face "don't wear a short dress, the king won't tolerate his dear harem's thighs being open and exposed to the people~" he teased, winking at you and trying to act cool..but in reality this was indirect message, we won't be so open to tell you that he will be jealous if others looked at you

"YOU BASTARD GET OUT" You got up and pushed Leona out of the room in embarrassment, trying to maintain your calm - but in reality you were screaming and the blood on your face was hot, talking as if you were one of his possessions or something like that..You closed the door after Leona left, then locked it and began to roll on the bed and the floor, wrapping the quilt and sheets around your body, kicking the mattress and fighting the air with your legs

"he is..just...so mean..leona fuck you..." You whinced into the pillow almost like crying, feeling very embarrassed. Leona's words really made you delulu. You were hoping even one percent would say this to you seriously instead of trying to joke with you and tease..

You just decided to focus on more important matters after you calmed down and collected your nerves, so you sat down and took a deep breath, calling your personal maid and asking her to prepare the bathtub for you..

"it worked?" Ruggie asked excitedly after Leona came back into the room with a big smile on his face, his tail wagging behind him widly

"oh hell yeah, it did" Leona was avoiding looking directly at Ruggie so as not to mock him and tell him that he looked like a puppy. Leona just went to the bathroom and closed the door.. He was biting his lips as he imagined doing many things with you and taking you to many places to have quality tike together..he wanted to do this so bad that he felt shivers down his spine as the image of you going with a date with him made him sink into full ecstasy..

"Ruggie, did you make a list of places we're going today?" Leona called Ruggie from the bathroom and asked him

"yeah, all done, it is on your bed"

"What remains?

"Just you and y/n, get yourselves ready and we'll be prepared to go"

Leona took a deep breath of relief. He had already prepared himself. He took a good bath, perfumed himself, shaved his beard, and asked the hairdresser to do a new hairstyle for him, Leona wanted to look as good as possible today - because he knows that you prefer elegant men more..

Leona stood in front of the mirror with pride and confidence, looking more handsome than ever. He was keen to wear a necktie even though he didn't like it. He just knew that you liked suits, so he wore one

but then, ruggie gave him a wicked smile "Why not wear something casual, like an open-button shirt?"

leona looked at ruggie in the mirror with confused look while making his necktie "why the hell are you suggesting this?"

"y/n always stares at your chest when you wear something showing your collarbone and chest muscles"

Leona turned back and stopped fiddling with the tie. He was looking at Ruggie over his shoulder and his confused expression turned into a sideways smile as he began to open the tie and head to the bathroom, “Give me something like what you described then..i didn't expect you to suggest this"

"and i never expected to live long enough to see you trying so hard to seduce a woman" Ruggie laughed as he headed to the wardrobe to get something suitable to wear that will make you drool once you see leona

and there he is, after a few minutes he came out from the dressing room in this sexy outfit, showing his broad chest, the perfect curve of his collarbone and the irresistible bulge of the adams apple "good?" he asked ruggie, but when he saw himself in the mirror he smirked "man i don't even need to ask you, i would simp for myself if i were someone else"

"I like your confidence, I'm more excited to see y/n's reaction than I was on NRC graduation" Ruggie seems more excited than Leona in a way, like he's watching the Rich Hero-Poor Heroine Kdrama or something, and he absolutely liked this

"Why are you so excited by the way?" leona asked as he started to wear his accessories

"I was bored after working for 15 years in boring political work, so I'm excited to see new events" Ruggie took his things and prepared himself to go out with Leona

"oho don't be so happy, I won't let you be close while I'm having quality time with the herbivore" Leona headed to the door with Ruggie to go out together "you know..it will be intimate, and i don't want you to see me-.." Leona stopped mid-sentence as if he didn't want to finish it and Ruggie looked curiously, he decided to assume the must fucked scenario to tease leona

"see you get to your knees, beg and whine for her attention and be subby?"

Leona stopped and stared Ruggie up and down "you look like you want to die quickly, don't you?"

On the other hand, you were standing in front of the mirror and the maids were all around you, styling your hair and applying makeup for you..And the most important thing is that you wore a short dress. You believed that Leona was just joking and trying to upset you, so you did not take him seriously. You wore something comfortable and modern, and now you look beautiful and much better than before

Of course, you made sure to wear a very nice perfume and your appearance was elegant, just as you thought Leona would like...his taste in women is not clear, so you just wore what you thought suits you

The sound of your high heels filled the palace corridor after you headed to the main door with balanced steps, but in your mind you were a little distracted between your tests and spending quality time with Leona, when a strong moment of realization came to you that you were almost going on a date with a king?...You, and despite living here 15 years, you are still amazed every time you see Leona wearing his crown or the nobles bowing to him and calling him “Your Majesty”. You are so used to the lazy, bad-tempered and rude Leona that you cannot accept this version of him yet

You smiled, remembering all the times 15 years ago when Leona complained about the state of the kingdom when his brother was the king, how depressed he was because everyone kicked him aside and no one heard his opinion about anything, how he was abandoned and neglected by everyone...but now, look where he has reached, You felt proud of him and the feeling was very beautiful. Seeing him achieve everything he wanted and everyone respecting him. His head held high with pride as he walked into the throne room. Everyone was on one knee in reverence for him and the people were chanting his name and saluting him

You wiped away the non-existent tears and stood dramatically at the palace entrance "my little kitty cat became a grown up man, oh dear god.."

"herbivore?"

Suddenly, your drama was interrupted by Leona's voice behind you. He called you by the same nickname he had been accustomed to for 15 years. You turned to him quickly, excited, but soon you felt your heart drop through your pants when you saw what he was wearing. He was also staring at your exposed legs under the short dress, then he looked at your face, his expression calm but shocked, trying to control himself for a moment

"you..." You noticed his expression changing slightly to something sharp. You were torn between the attractive bronze muscles of his chest and his expression, which turned from calm to a kind of suppressed anger, You tried to say something, but Leona surprised you when he suddenly pulled you up and put his long coat around your body, closing it to hide your thighs

"l-leona, what are you doing?!!" you were confused and unable to resist him, but his hunter gaze made you froze in your place

"I know I sounded like I was joking, but I'm serious.." he exclaimed, trying not to say it out loud 'im jealous', so he came out with the first excuse that crossed his mind "The royal law says that the king's companions doesn't wear such clothes, you should wear modest and show good respect to the laws, y/n"

you blinked a few times, staring at him "i was here for 15 years and never heard such a l-...oh wait.." The words stuck in your throat when you realized that Leona was undoubtedly lying. You analyzed the situation well in your head. Leona is the biggest hypocrite and will not say something frankly so easily. Is it possible that he is really jealous because you wore this dress? The idea that he covered you like that because he didn't want other men to look at you in a dirty way made you feel butterflies in your stomach.. It's annoying that it's hard to determine his true feelings and whether he's really jealous or there is such a law know one knew about and he came suddenly wanting to apply it today.. but you decided to just follow your delulu because it is way more satisfying for you, while in reality you were sure that leona won't leave all the noble and high class women just to look at you, there is no way..he is just your friend

but maybe the delulu was relulu this time

"get the miss a pantyhose, quickly!!" leona demanded the servants and they run to the palace to get that pantyhose for you. now things looks calmer, you kept your eyes at the beautiful sight of angry jealous king in front of you with his chest shining in the sunlight like delicious 2 pieces of chocolate

leona turn to look at you with a frown when he suddenly noticed your eyes piercing his toned muscles, he hardly hold back his broad smile and turned his head to ruggie, biting his lower lip and making thumb-up to him when you didn't notice

leona was being a bit shitty about 'seducing you', he pretended to be fixing some buttons and he opened three more buttons to show some of his abs, you immediately tenses up and turned around, coughing and acting like it's nothing..leona was amused by your reaction but dissatisfied that you decided to look away when it is obviously that you were about to go mad if you saw more skin, he wanted to enjoy this look of pure want in your eyes

he wasn't sure wether you really liked him or just being a simp to every men's muscles, but he decided just to let you enjoy the sight and later he will find out your true intentions

He closed the buttons of the shirt again and put it back as it was. The servants arrived in a hurry and gave you the pantyhose, and you took it and put it on somewhere and returned quickly "better? we can go now" you asked leona with shaky voice

"so much better" Leona smiled contentedly after seeing you covering your legs, he walked two steps to stand in front of you and leaned forward slightly, gesturing his veiny hand to you with a seductive smile...he is in a really good mood to rizz you the whole day and night, and he will never had enough of it

"oya? i never knew you were such a gentleman" You laughed excitedly and held his hand. Feeling his bulging arteries and veins pulsing against your soft skin was enough to make you feel an electric wave of warmth from your palm to your head and down your spine

you held him tightly when he suddenly leaned in more, intending to kiss the back of your palm..your heart beated like drum as feeling the juicy lips pressing with care and deliciously kissing your soft hand

All you wanted at this moment was to feel those lips pressing against yours, not your palm. You would have felt dizzy immediately if your first kiss had been with him. You would not have tolerated the warmth and wetness of his lips on yours

maybe leona got carried away by the physical touch that he gave you a few more kisses, enjoying how soft and warm your skin felt against his lips, he pulled away when he felt like he's going to lose it if he kept it like this, but he really craved more kisses than this..

he stood up straight back, looking deeply into your eyes..the silence was making the tension increase and leona isn't planning to make things more awkward, so he just pulled you gently to demand your attention

"Come on, let's go now..We have a long and stressful day of joy ahead of us"

Leona opened the car door for you. It was a large, black luxury car. Around you were other guard cars. But to your surprise, Leona was sitting in the driver’s seat, just as he made sit next to him in the passenger's seat

"aa..leona, Why don't you just get a driver-"

"I can, but I prefer to drive myself. I like to drive quietly, We could have some privacy if we just sat here alone, don't you think so?" Leona said in a playful tone as he started the car and put his hand on the steering wheel, pulling the gearshift, now the car is ready to move

you absolutely liked the way his veiny hands were moving, His muscles contract and relax in perfect show of how strong this grip and fingers are, making you go delulu again

You were having a good time with Leona in the car, A very rare event happened in front of you. Leona was talking more than listening. He seemed to be in a very good mood, more than usual. He was talking about things outside of work and seemed very relaxed

You felt purity in your ears. His voice was like the melodies of a violin..If he decides to start an ASMR channel, you are sure that he will succeed from the first video..His voice is deep and calm, very beautiful when he speaks in a gentle and excited tone rather than his angry tone

Just close your eyes and enjoy every word that comes out of his mouth. He was talking about how he learned a new, ancient language that he found in a book with a lot of strange and stupid spells. He talked about how he plans to renovate and restore the palace, and about some of the funny situations that Ruggie caused in front of him. Guests from another kingdom

"One of the guests was very rude to me, so I made Ruggie steal his phone. Halfway back, we found out that he was cheating on his wife. No one knew that it was Ruggie who stole the phone because he was hiding in the trunk."

"what the...who did he sneak to the tunk and no one noticed?"

"it's ruggie being ruggie, you know..that guy is very professional at anything i ask him to do" leona chuckled "He didn't know that Ruggie was the thief, as I told you, so we were just threatening him from his phone itself and sending him messages that we would expose him. It was fun to take revenge"

"you're being a bit too shitty about it-"

"and i like to do it this way~"

And so, you laughed at this ridiculous story that Leona told and began to look out the window at the street. The capital was already crowded because today was a celebration of one of the events for the people of the savannah, but while you were lost in your thoughts, you felt Leona tapping on your shoulder, so you returned your attention to him again

"Do you want to go to the mall or the popular market?"

"oh?.." You thought a little..."Do you want to buy something from there?"

"not really, I just have a lot of money and I want to spend it today on whatever is in front of me" Leona parked the car aside, took out his bank card, and began to show it off "at your service, miss" The card was between his middle finger and index

holy shit-

You look carefully at the card that literally contains a king’s wealth. The value of the money on this card is more expensive than your value, even if you sold your organs on the black market, and Leona, who without warning began flirting with you and seducing you..

oh yeah, that's what your're talking about, a sugar daddy at your service

"give me that card, leona" you said with your eyes burning with anticipation, imaging all the expensive jewelry and beautiful dresses you will buy with his money

"i will do..but under one condition" Leona said as he twirled the card between his fingers and grinned maliciously.."you know, miss, money doesn't come for free..right~?"

oh fuck, what does he have in mind now? of course that one condition isn't an easy one..you swallowed hard after thinking about it, should you accept or not?..but you really want to buy things, and leona won't go too far about his condition..right? "um...ok, what's your condition? I will listen and decide whether I accept it or not"

"no, If I tell you the condition, you must do it, and i will really give you my card to use as much as you want..I will even put a million to your bank account, what do you think?" leona kept his grin, His offer is really tempting..you buy with his money, and also an additional million? How wonderful..It's okay to take a once in a lifetime risk, isn't it?

"i accept, what is the condition??"

leona's grin turned into an ear-to-ear smile, He held your hand and gave you his bank card

"The condition: I will buy you belly dancing clothes and you will dance for me tonight~"

a minute of silence..just your face almost burning from the heat, your brain ain't braining anymore-eyes locked on leona's face bursting in laugher when he saw the fucked up expression of yours, your imagination went wild imagining the scene, with the most revealing clothes, dancing to leona in one of those luxurious rooms of the harem and him looking at you all high of drinking and talking like a pervert

"i didn't know you were a pervert.." You said in a voice like a whisper

"I'm not" he smirked "and be for real, You're just playing hard to get, but you'll actually have fun"

"where is the all "i respect women" shit you talk about your whole life? you want to treat me like whore now??" you almost whimpered and protest, giving him back the card and frowning

he chuckled at you as he leaned against his seat and talked teasingly "What if we both dance? I believe in equality, you know, and those you won't feel so bad"

"both of us? what do you mean?" You looked at him from the corner of your eye, with the same frown

"I will wear belly dancing clothes, too, and we will dance together" you immediately turned to him, your mouth remained hanging slightly with a confused look "are you for real?.."

"im serious"

...

You took the card from his hand again and cleared your throat. You were looking at the street and did not say anything, leona burst in laughter again, almost mocking you

"guess who's the pervert now~"

"shut up and move the car"

"this..and this...and also that!!" You pointed your fingers at every dress you saw in the store, at every shoe, at every piece of jewelry, at any thing, whether you liked it or not, that you decided to buy. You wanted to make Leona regret giving you the card. You would spend everything you could

But Leona seems to be in a completely different situation, standing aside and enjoying seeing you spend his money and pamper yourself as you like, buy the entire shop and leave

You walked in your high heels and sunglasses while holding a cup of iced coffee in your hand. Leona walked behind you and the guards were around you on all sides carrying many shopping bags

"hey, leona..i think y/n is just spending so much-" ruggie tried to tell leona that you're being too much, but leona raised his hand shutting ruggie..looking at you while smiling, completely consumed by the moment

"let her do whatever she wants, later she won't be able to say no to my orders~" Leona was humming in a low voice, his mood was very good while imagining the amount of regret you would have tonight "she won't spend all this like it's nothing..i like to make my prey think that she escaped while im just chasing after her in the bushes"

after 2 hours, you were standing with leona in the second floor of the mall, chewing gum and enjoying the beautiful nails you got, your nails are now so damn pretty after getting them done. leona leaned on the wall, looking around and waiting for you to finish admiring yourself

"done, miss?" he walked to you with his hands in his pockets. You turned to him and tapped your sun glasses to adjust them on your nose "yeah...i guess, unless i see something good and want to buy it"

"you almost bought the entire mall" he stopped beside you

"time for the belly dance outfit, miss y/n~"

stopping now, I won't be posting the second part soon...unless I see a good interaction to this one

⏤͟͟͞͞★thanks for reading!

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Hear the lonely cry out

requested: for some azriel angst, maybe the reader getting pregnant but not telling az (for justifiable reasons ofc), and az only finds out later on and angst ensues?

a/n kind of feel like this might be the saddest thing I've ever written. I hurt myself while writing this so now it's your turn. So that's that...

warning: neglect, fighting, pains associated with pregnancy, nausea, mention of possibility of loosing a child and just suffering.

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"Baby, you need to sleep," you said, running your hands down your lover's shoulders. Azriel had been sitting in that chair for hours, going through the information his spies had gathered for their master. He didn't even come down to eat, nor did he eat the food that you brought up for him. You knew him well enough to know that when court responsibilities got this serious, reaching him was practically impossible. 

"I'll be there in a couple of minutes. You can go up, love," the spymaster said, catching your hand in his and bringing it to his lips, yet his eyes didn't lose focus on the paper he held in his hands. You knew it was a lie. He wouldn't be there for at least a couple more hours, maybe till the sun started to peak over the mountains. Get an hour of sleep, and then be off for a day of meetings.

Leaning in, you pressed a kiss to the side of his face before you turned to go. You've had conversations about his workload more than once. And gods forbid you weren't the one to complain. Azriel was an extremely attentive lover. He remembered the things you told him. Listen to what you have to say. He treated you well, and for the most part, you genuinely had nothing to complain about. It was those busy weeks that would turn into months that would make you feel like you didn't have a partner. Make your heart sting just a little.

Instead of going to the bedroom, you made your way back into the kitchen for some tea. For the past couple of days, you have been feeling rather odd. You didn't feel all that sick; it was more like an overall unpleasant feeling that you just couldn't shake off. But if you were being honest, you didn't pay it too much attention considering the little cramping in your lower stomach. And knowing your not-so-regular cycle, you wouldn't be too surprised if, due to the stress, it decided to knock on your door earlier.

Your gaze was drawn to the dining table, and a smile formed on your lips. When you moved here, Azriel had taken it upon himself to redo all the wooden furniture. The oak table was your mating anniversary gift. You had never seen a table so intricately carved with different ornaments of leaves and flowers. But still, what made your heart clench the most were the two letters carved into it. The first letters of your and Azriel's names. "We can add our kids' names as our family grows," he told you then, while you sobbed in his arms, snot everywhere since he had taken you so by surprise.

"Are you mad at me?", you felt two arms slip around your lower stomach, making you jump slightly. "Why would I be handsome?", you questioned, leaning more into your lover's embrace. "Just felt multiple strokes of discomfort coming from your side of your bond", you frowned at that. You were trying to keep your emotions somewhat hidden from him when he was so busy. The fewer distractions, the better.

Turning into Azriel's embrace, you wrapped your arms around his torso. Selfishly enjoying the moment of having him so close to you. "I'm fine, just crampy. I have a daunting feeling that my cycle is close," you huffed, and Azriel hummed in response. "Should I run you a bath?", but you just shook your head, knowing well that the longer you keep him here, the longer he will spend in the study. "I'll make some tea and go curl up in the bed under five blankets. You finish your work and come cuddle," you pouted your lips at him, earning a chuckle from the spymaster as he leaned in to kiss you twice. Even if it wasn't much. Just a few feathery kisses made your heart skip a beat. "I won't be long tonight, I promise," Azriel whispered to you before kissing you one last time.

You ended up falling asleep on your own last night, and it wasn't that big of a surprise when you woke up to a cold and empty bed as well. You quickly shut down your end of the bond before allowing a wave of sadness to wash over you as your mind wandered off. Wondering when was the last time you woke up with Azriel still in your bed? But as you turned to lie on your side, your stomach suddenly rumbled, and the next thing you know, you were up and rushing to the bathroom. Barely making it to the toilet as the food from last night made its way out. The sensation brought tears to your eyes as you tried to hold your hair out of the way.

Once the feeling subsided, you let your head slip down onto the hand that gripped the side of the toilet. Mother, the last thing you needed was a complicated cycle. Especially since you had no one to look after you and you were not going to tell Azriel about it. There was no way. So pretending everything was fine would be the next burden in your path.

You only managed to drag yourself out and get somewhat ready quite sometime later. You promised to help Nesta clean up alongside Feyre. She was now heavily pregnant. The babe was a surprise for both of the mates. Cassian had spent a whole day crying with excitement, and Nesta's fears of being a bad mother had died with every day that passed. At least it seemed like it. They seemed so happy, and it was a dream knowing that the inner circle was growing. Not to mention that Nyx was over the moon that he would get a friend soon. With a quick stop at the bakery, you make your way toward your friend's house. The cooler morning breeze soothed your nausea and made you feel way perkier than before. It was exactly what you needed—some time with the girls.

 Your mood almost immediately picked up as everyone laughed while folding the baby close together. "I'm telling you. I've been catching him doing breathing techniques and muttering all sorts of motivational stuff", Nesta laughed, hand on her tummy as you all gossiped about Cassian and the father mode he had entered. "Imagine hearing a - push Nes push at two in the morning", you three snickered, "That's pretty much how it goes", Nes wiped away the tears that came from laughing quickly. You were still grinning as you stood up with a basket in your hands when everything blurred. You swayed slightly to one side. Pressing your eyes shut tightly before blinking quickly a couple of times, hoping that the fog would clear up.

"Darling," Fayra said as she wrapped her arms around you, fanning you with her hand. "Reach out for Az," Nesta said worryingly, her hands holding onto you now. "No, no Azriel", you said sharply. Quickly giving both of the females a death-like look, "No one is telling him anything." Both of them looked into your pleading eyes with nothing but concern. It was unlike you to deny the presence of your mate. "But lo-", "I said no. It's nothing, just my cycle; I've been feeling weird." The two sisters shared a look. Not believing you but then again fea cycles were no joke. It took women out like the plague. With no strength to move. The list of symptoms was enormous. Yet something about this didn't seem right. Feyre handed you a cup of water. "Maybe you still seek out Madja on your way home?", the high lady asked gently. "That's unnecessary...", "Please, it would give me peace of mind," Nesta said, and you weren't about to put more stress on a pregnant woman. So you nodded your head at her, smiling ever so slightly so you could reassure her.

You softly knocked on the clinic's door, and Madja wiped it open almost in an instant. "It's nothing serious," you started, but she was already guiding you toward the bed. She asked you a question here and there, but for the most part, you could tell that she already knew everything you had told the girls. Meaning Feyre had already informed her of everything.

"Well, lay down, dear," the healer whispered, guiding her hands over your body. A fond smile spread over her face almost immediately. "This year is a blessed one. I'll need to go to the temple and give an offering to the mother," she muttered in excitement. You gave the healer a puzzled look, but her soft hand only moved to touch your cheek, saying softly, "You're with a child, girl." For a moment, you felt like you had slipped into a different universe. Hovering somewhere between the stars and the solid ground. Your head started to spin just like it did before, the sickening feeling once again increasing.

"It can't be, it's... I'm starting a cycle," she said, but Madja only shook her head, "It's early days, but you are carrying a strong babe, dear." Your eyes still searched, waiting for her to burst out laughing and tell you that she was just joking. "Why is the face like that? A child is a blessing, and Azriel, my boy... oh, he'll be so happy," you thickly swallowed at the sound of your mate's name. Oh, gods, how were you going to tell him, and when? Could you just tell him now? Should you? But this would be such a distraction. What if he thinks it's just an additional burden? You quickly pull yourself together as Madja continues to speak again, going through the appointments she would like to have and packing you all sorts of stuff to take home for nausea and aches.

You stop at the side of Sidra on your way back. Needing to clear out your fuzzy head. Put thousands in the right place. You hated the fact that this didn't at all feel as you had imagined. And Mother forbid, you were so happy. Not many get blessed with a baby. Couples grew mad while trying to conceive. But it felt like such bad timing. Azriel was not in the right mindset for this. Or maybe this was exactly what he needed? Someone or something to focus his attention on.

Your hand slips onto your still flat stomach, only slightly bloated, but that was just the impact of the food you had eaten today. "What will we do, my little joy? How do we tell dad?", you whispered into the light evening breeze. The conversation you had about kids playing on and on in your head. You knew that Azriel wanted them. He wanted a family of his own, and there had been times you caught him with his hand on your stomach after a particularly rowdy session of sex, "In case we created something. Need them to feel a warm fatherly touch from the start," he would say, leaning in closer to snuggle into you. He wanted this a lot. You even found sketches of the little crib he was making. Azriel hadn't told you about it, and you didn't ask, of course, but he wanted to have a child. He wanted it before his overworked brain turned on.

However, the moment you stepped foot into your shared home, you could practically feel the lingering essence of anger all over the place. Azriel's back was toward you. He was sitting on the sofa, one leg bouncing up and down, and he was so lost in his thoughts that he doesn't even hear you coming in. "Sweet, did something happen?", you asked carefully, Azriel's tired eyes shooting up to meet you as he let out a frustrated huff. "It's all shit," Azriel snarled, "They screwed up the entire mission, and I warned Rhys. I fucking warned him." As your mate stood up to pace the room, you flinched slightly at the sound of his loud voice. 

"Now I have to go there and try to fix this. I don't have time for that," the spymaster continued, visibly growing more and more frustrated. "Can you ask someone to go instead?", you tried to send loving strokes of support down the bond, but you were met with nothing in return, nor did it seem to do anything. "Who You fancy a trip?", Azriel barked back, and you quickly bit the inside of your cheek so your eyes wouldn't fill up with tears as you shook your head no. Well, here went your plan to tell him over a sweet dinner together that you wanted to cook. If you mentioned a child, this would be a tragedy, so you bit your tongue. Promising yourself to stay silent.

"How about I make you some food, and while you eat, I'll pack up your stuff and get everything ready?", you asked softly, trying to at least get his emotions somewhat in check. "It'll take at least something off your shoulders. Even if it's insignificant," you murmured at the end. And usually, Azriel is good at picking up on your emotions from the tone of your voice, but tonight it seemed like he either didn't hear it or didn't want to hear it.

Azriel stayed still for a moment, but then he softly nodded his head, "I'll do some work in the study in the meantime." You gave him a light smile. He did step closer to you, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. And the fact that he had lingered there for a moment gave you hope that he might have sensed you, that he considered staying. But he moved past you, his hand lightly grazing your tummy, but he doesn't stop in his tracks. If only you knew, you thought to yourself, if only you knew that that's where your child is growing now. What a difference it would make if you knew...

He doesn't come to eat, and he once again doesn't eat what you bring to him. You pack his stuff up, and you can't help but feel like you are just packing his way out of your life. The shadow singer leaves in the middle of the night. You're not asleep yet, and you don't turn to face him. You hear the sound of his clothes ruffling as he gets dressed. You don't even know how long he will be away or where he is going. Closing your eyes just as he walks to your side, leaning in to press a couple of kisses to your forehead. And with that, he's gone. 

You wait a moment longer until you're fully sure that he was not coming back before you let your eyes fill up with tears. A painful sob slipped past your lips as you clench your finger around the sheets. Cry your heart out into the darkness of the night.

At first, you felt utterly alone. Having to run to the bathroom every morning and well into the day as you gagged with your face hovering over the toilet. Needing to drag yourself to make food. You didn't care that much for yourself, and if not for the baby, you would have probably just spent your days in bed without moving. But then it struck you. You weren't alone. You were never alone. You always had your baby with you. With every step you took, a little joy was always there. Warming your weeping heart. Azriel reached out through the bond while he was away. And because you didn't want him to go flying home, you listened to him speak. Letting his voice slip into nothingness as the words went through you and out. You ignored everyone in your family. Saying that you had caught something and didn't want to get any of the kids sick. So the best decision was to stay away.

You were sitting with a big blanket over your body, eyes gazing at the fire when the front door suddenly opened. You had felt this was going to happen considering that for the past couple of days, you had completely shut off the bond. "Take that off," Azriel said, his voice shaking as he stepped through the living room, making his way to you. Looking like nothing but a frightened animal in the woods.

"Azriel," you spoke weakly, your hallow eyes turning his way, and you just hoped that he would drop it. "Take it off," he yanked at the blanket's side, reaching for your arms to get you to stand. So you did, letting the material crumble to the floor. The spymaster's mouth gaped at the sight of you. At the sight of your bump, which had become more visible. Even if it wasn't all that big yet. "You're..." the male trailed off. Chest falling and rising rapidly. "I am, yes. I am pregnant," you said coldly, as you walked past him and into the kitchen. Azriel just shook his head, turning your way, "Why did you... when did you find out?" His steps followed right behind you. You debate over your answer. The pain stings your chest.

"Before you left", "And said nothing?", his voice grew louder, and you slammed your cup down on the counter. "Don't you dare! You were boiling with rage that night," you said, firmly pointing your finger at him. "That's not a good enough excuse," he muttered under his breath, and your blood filled with so much rage. So much anger was pushed away. "You are unbelievable... I've been neglected by you for weeks like some dirty foot rag. You enjoyed just wiping your shit at me, didn't you?", you shouted at him now. You didn't seem to mind that you'd never done that before.

"What the fuck are you on about?", Azriel barked back, leaning closer to you. "You and your work. Are you sure you shouldn't be mated to your papers?", you spat his way, moving to push past him, but Azriel gripped your hand firmly, making you stop in your tracks. "Don't start with this shit again", "I will start because ahh...", you leaned forward, hand coming to your bump as the pain shoots through you. Azriel's grip on your hand loosens as he moved to wrap his arm over you, but you coldly push it away. Gritting your teeth. Until another pain shoots through you, a much louder cry slipping past your lips, and you have no other option but to let your mate lift you as he carried you to the sofa.

"Love, talk to me, what is it?", his worried eyes sought you out. "It hurts," and you try to take deep breaths in and calm your heart down. Fighting like this. All of these emotions at once were not what your body needed. Not what you needed. You were so tired. You didn't have it in you to deal with this. And it's not even a couple of minutes later that the door opens and Madja rushes in accompanied by Rhys.

Azriel is being pushed out of the room. Your teary eyes, hands gripping the bump, a bump that he hasn't even touched yet, the last thing he sees before the doors are closed right in front of him. A small bump that carries his child. And it all comes crashing down. It's him. It's him. He's the problem. He's the one who caused this. The darkest scenarios cloud his mind, and he's about to march back in, but Rhys is in his way instantly.

"Move, Rhys, move!", the spymaster wept as he tried to reach for the door handle. "Azriel, it's not the right time", "Rhysand, don't test me; there's my mate and my child there. I need to know if they are okay," Azriel roared, trying to somehow find a way to feel you through the bond, but there was nothing but coldness there. "Don't cause a scene. Let her be checked and calm down," the high lord tried to say calmly, but anxiousness was inevitable on his face. "If she.. if I", the images of his father fill Azriel's mind. His mother being pushed around. Whimpering as his father yelled at her. Her cries were all he could hear at night, and she was nothing but lonely and scared. Alone. You've been alone through all of this. You've made up your mind to keep it from him. To keep his baby away from him. Because he wasn't worthy. He was nothing better than a piece of trash. He wasn't any better than his father. Worse, perhaps.

The time seemed to slow down; it feels like years as Azriel stands there. Hoping that he had at least done something good in his five hundred years of existence that would be enough to buy the gift of keeping you both safe. When Madja walks out the door, Azriel practically falls to his knees. "She's okay; both of them are. I've got her to sleep," her words set the tears flowing down Azriel's cheeks, "She's distressed and hasn't been drinking or eating enough."

He walked inside as quietly as he could. The sight of you curled up on the bed both warmed and broke the spymaster's heart. The male debated whether he should just leave you here or carry you up to your bed. Carefully, Azriel ran his hand over your head before scooping you up in his arms. The sofa, no matter how comfortable it was, would most likely leave your back sore, and the shadow singer had a feeling you already had those pains as it was. Once you were tucked in between your sheets and Azriel had sat and watched you for an hour, he went back downstairs. Cleaning up the place as he went along, washing up the dishes, and sorting out the trash. Started making some soup as well. All the little things. Small things he realized he hadn't done in what seemed like an eternity.

You woke up sometime later. Feeling much more refreshed yet slightly dissociated. The window was narrowly open, letting just the right amount of fresh air flow into the room. The pitcher with water was nestled against the side of your nightstand. You reached for the glass, only now realizing just how thirsty you were. Taking a couple of dried fruits and nuts from the bowl as you swing your legs over the edge. The heavy feeling in your chest still lingered, yet you threw on one of Azriel's sweaters before you went downstairs. His scent instantly relieves some of the tension in your body. Azriel was lost in his head again. Stirring whatever he was cooking in that pot so viscously that you almost felt sorry for both the pot and the spoon.

"That smells nice," to the sound of your voice Azriel practically threw the spoon as he rushed to you and asked, "What are you doing up? You need to be laying in bed", his arms were hooked under your legs in an instant as he carried you back to the sofa. "Azriel, I can walk", "Madja said you need to take it easy for a couple of days. Are you in pain now? Do you need anything? Are you craving something? Because I can...", your head was starting to spin again from the number of questions he managed to cramp in the space of one breath. Placing your palm on his, you squeezed it gently.

"Calm down," you mumbled, watching as your mate practically started hyperventilating right beside you. "I don't deserve you. You shouldn't be speaking to me now. You shouldn't be speaking to me ever again," he blurted out, his eyes glossing over with tears. "Love," you tried to interfere, but Azriel only shook his head. "I've failed you. I'm no better than my father. You deserve so much more. I've failed my kid, and the baby isn't even born yet. You shouldn't even tell them that I'm their father", you crooked your head to the side, watching Azriel self-sabotaging himself once again. "You're talking nonsense now. They will know that you are the father, and you will be here by their side as they grow up," you said firmly, sitting up so you could reach for Azrie's face. Gently turning it towards you so his eyes would be on you as you spoke.

"Am I upset with you? Very much so. But I will always choose you. It will always be you, Azriel. I just can't be... I won't be... We won't be a second option," moving closer, Azriel rested his forehead on yours. "You were never a second option. I just... I get so scared sometimes. Your love, it overwhelms me," the spymaster said, his brows furrowed. "It's been years, and I still tell myself that the cauldron made a mistake. I'm not good enough for you; we are not equal. You are so much more than me", "Azriel, you get in your ways with thoughts like that", you mutter, pulling away slightly, so you could see his face better. "You need to realize that you are not the same little boy locked up in the basement. You made it out of there. So live, my love. Don't rob yourself of the happiness you deserve", Azriel's bottom lip quivered before tears started rolling down his cheeks once again. You give him a sad look before pulling him closer to yourself, "Let it all out, my love. You've pushed yourself too much," you said, running your fingers through his already messy hair as you tried to soothe the cries that escaped his lips.

"Give me your hand", you nudged his arms slightly, taking it into your much smaller one. Guiding it under your sweater, Azriel's sweater, "Calm your breathing and listen to this," you said calmly, keeping your hand on top of his. Even the fact that his palm got to rest on the swell of your stomach made him let out yet another cry. But his ears picked up on something else. A tiny little heartbeat. Tiny but so strong. As if it was screaming from the inside of your tummy at it's parents about just how much it wanted to be there and grow. Azriel pulled back to look at you, eyes wide now that he could feel the life growing inside you. "Our baby...", the spymaster mumbled, and you let a tear slide down your cheek, "Yes, our little joy", "I love you", he muttered, leaning in to pack your lips softly before he moved down, lifting the knitted fabric. "And I love you," Azriel said, running his hand over your bump carefully before pressing a kiss on your skin. "I love you. I love you. I love you," he repeated over and over. You watched your mate with a fond smile, finally feeling somewhat content. Finally feeling the other side of the bond flourishing, no longer cold and unwelcoming.

[canmom]

Hello! I absolutely love your blog, everything from your festival recounts to animation analysis and programming (one of tumblr's recommended posts was the one where you made your own rasteriser, and I liked your attitude in what I've read so much that I'm gonna attempt to conquer my 3-year-long grudge against using opengl during college and do something similar now that I'm a bit older and have no deadlines :D).

But anyway, I have 2 questions (sorry if there's easily accessible answers, tumblr search is not helping): 1. During your animation nights, does the screen stay black while everyone watches their own video while you provide commentary? I haven't caught any yet but maybe someday! And 2. do you have any youtube channels or just one-off video essays that you like that also cover animation/directors? Or, even programming lol.

Sorry for the long ask have a nice day!

hiii! i'm very touched that you like my dorky eclectic blog <3

For the Animation Nights, I just stream the video over Twitch from local sources on my computer, typically by playing the video in mpv and recording it in OBS. This is obviously not ideal from a video quality perspective, but it's the easiest way to watch video in sync without making everyone download files in advance. Then we all chat in the Twitch chat box (in large part to crack stupid jokes, it's not that highbrow lmao). I've gotten away with it so far!

As for youtube channels, I can recommend...

anime production/history (i.e. sakuga fandom)

SteveM is likely the most sakuga-fan affiliated anituber. He makes long, well-researched and in-depth videos on anime history, usually themed around a particular director or studio.

Pyramid Inu might be my fave anituber - very thoughtful analysis of Gundam, obscure mecha anime and oldschool BL and similar topics. tremendously soothing voice too.

The Canipa Effect does excellent deep dives into the production of specific shows, both western and anime. I appreciate the respect he gives to the Korean animators of shows like AtlA in particular!

Sean Bires's 2013 presentation on sakuga is pretty foundational to this whole subcultural niche, and a great place to get an introduction to the major animator names to know and significant points in the history of anime. unfortunately a couple of the segments got slapped down by copyright but the rest holds up!

animation theory (for animators and aspirants)

I'm going to focus here on resources that are relevant to animation in general, and 2D animation. if I was going to list every Blender channel we'd be here all week :p

New Frame Plus is one of the best channels out there for game animation, describing in tightly edited videos how animation principles work in a game context and analysing the animation of various games. highly recommend

Videogame Animation Study is similar, examining the animation of specific games in detail

the 'twelve principles of animation' (defined by Disney's Ollie Johnston and Frank Thomas) remain the standard approach to animation pedagogy; there are various videos on them, but Alan Becker (of Animator vs Animation) has quite a popular series. I haven't actually watched these but many people swear by them! Dermot O'Connor expands the list to 21. Note that some of the terminology can be a little inconsistent between different animators - c.f. 'secondary motion'...

Dong Chang is an animator at Studio NUT, who produces a lot of fantastic, succinct videos on standard techniques in the anime industry, timesheet notations, etc. etc. Studio Bulldog, a small anime studio, are a good complement; they focus more on douga than genga and are generally a bit more traditional.

programming

big topic here, I'm going to focus on game dev and tech art since that's my field. but also some general compsci stuff that's neat

SimonDev - graphics programmer with a bunch of AAA experience, fantastic explanations of advanced optimisations and some of the more counterintuitive aspects of rendering

Acerola - graphics programmer who makes very detailed guides to a variety of effects with a very rapid and funny 'guy that has seen monogatari' editing style. When he's good, he's really good. His video on water is probably the best one I've seen (though I can recommend a couple of others).

TodePond - the most charming, musical videos about recursion and cellular automata you've ever seen. less programming tutorial and more art in themselves.

Ben Eater - known for his breadboard computer series, a fantastic demonstration of how to go from logic gates up to the 6502 with actual hardware. worth watching just for how clean he puts the wires on his breadboards like goddamn man

Sebastian Lague, Useless Game Dev - both do 'coding adventure' style videos where they spend a few weeks on some project and then document it on Youtube, resulting in a huge library of videos about all sorts of fascinating techniques. great to dive into

Freya Holmér - creator of the 'shapes' library, makes videos on mathematical programming, with gorgeously animated vector graphics. Her video on splines is a particular treat.

There are definitely many more channels I can recommend on these subjects, but I'll need to dig into my history a bit - unfortunately I need to rush out right now, but hopefully that should be good to be getting going with!