#so if you recall me saying i wouldn’t be posting any ignore that

[boysaremytoys]

on christmas eve my dad took one of my favourite pictures of me ever

[cleo-fox]

Movie Night

Summary: You’re not really sure why Loki shows up for your movie nights. He never seems to like the movies, even when he picks them, and every movie you watch together is accompanied by a litany of dry complaints and general sarcasm from him. This is partly why it always ends up being just the two of you—the others don’t have the patience to put up with it. You generally think it’s funny, so you’ve never rescinded his invitation.

That and…you kind of have a thing for him.

Pairing: Loki/Female Reader

Warnings: Smut, 18+, Minors DNI, couch sex, quiet sex, praise kink, friends to lovers, making out, vaginal fingering, semi-public sex, praise kink.

A/N: I’m working on cross posting all my stuff from AO3. I wrote this a little while ago in an effort to address some writer’s block (it didn’t work, but I had fun writing it). This is also on AO3.

You’re not really sure why Loki shows up for your movie nights. He never seems to like the movies, even when he picks them, and every movie you watch together is accompanied by a litany of dry complaints and general sarcasm from him. This is partly why it always ends up being just the two of you—the others don’t have the patience to put up with it. You generally think it’s funny, so you’ve never rescinded his invitation.

That and you’ve got a little bit of a thing for him. You think he might have some interest in you, but you’re not certain enough to make the first move.

You look forward to your movie nights, but when this particular Friday night rolls around, you’re absolutely dragging by the time the clock strikes eight, thanks to a bad night of sleep the previous evening. Before the movie even starts, you’re wrapping yourself in the soft throw from your room and curling up, pillowing your head on the arm of the couch.

“I didn’t realize I would have such riveting company this evening,” says Loki dryly.

You roll your eyes and stretch obnoxiously, purposely shoving your feet into his lap. “I was up ‘til three this morning, give me a break.”

“Surely you need your full wits about you to appreciate the nuance of this fine cinema.”

He’s being sarcastic; you decide to ignore it because that will annoy him the most. You stifle a yawn and give him your most beatific smile before hunkering back down under your blanket. Loki grumbles something indeterminate, but he doesn’t shove your feet off his lap—in fact, he drapes his arm over your ankles like it’s not a big deal at all.

This simple gesture warms you from the inside out and sends a flurry of butterflies fluttering through your stomach. You are pretty sure nothing is going to come of it—stuff like this has been going on for months and nothing has happened—but it’s still nice. You have no idea what it means, but it’s nice.

You’re not entirely surprised that you fall asleep during the movie—you are tired and while you don’t necessarily want to admit that any of Loki’s cinematic complaints have merit, the movie really wasn’t very good. Between that and your cozy blanket, it’s a recipe for an unintentional nap.

It’s dark when you wake up. You don’t really remember falling asleep, though you think it must have been about halfway through the film, based on the last hazy bit of dialogue you can recall.

You certainly don’t remember Loki sliding over on the couch to join you. But here he is, spooned up against your back, arms snaking around your waist, and the blanket tucked neatly over the two of you.

It’s dark and quiet and his breath is warm and even against the back of your neck. You’re reasonably certain that he’s asleep, though you wouldn’t necessarily bet money on it.

You consider your options. You probably should get up before someone wanders in and finds you like this, but…you don’t want to. You are wildly attracted to Loki—there’s no denying that—and the feeling of his strong arms wrapped snugly around your waist and the warmth of his broad chest pressing against your back is far too intoxicating to give up, even though you’re currently tangled up with him in a common area.

Still…you’re not entirely sure what to do about this. At some point, you’ll both need to go to your respective beds. Pretending to be asleep when he wakes is almost certainly not an option—he’ll somehow know that you’re faking and he’ll absolutely call you out on it, which will make the whole thing worse. Going back to sleep is tempting, but it presents its own set of risks.

But then…why did he curl up with you like this? Surely he wouldn’t have done this if he didn’t find you appealing in some way. Maybe you don’t actually need an exit strategy? Maybe you can just enjoy it. You’re a bit too comfortable, sleepy, and distracted to think properly, anyway. You allow yourself to relax further into his embrace.

And then you feel his cock twitch against your ass.

It’s almost impressive how quickly your body shifts from content and pleasantly sleepy to wide awake and intensely aroused. Somewhere in the back of your mind, there’s a calm and rational voice saying you’re being ridiculous, but this is easily drowned out by the growing ache between your thighs.

You press your thighs together and try to take slow and even breaths, but it doesn’t really help. If you weren’t sure what to do before, now you’re at a complete loss. The safe assumption would be to chalk it up to biology and timing and move on, but it’s really difficult to do that when you’ve been locked in this flirty back and forth with him for months and you want him as much as you do.

You feel him twitch again and you bite your lip as the ache between your thighs pulses in a kind of answer, the slickness growing. Your breath is quiet, but shallow, your heart thrumming in your throat.

You’re trying to keep perfectly still, but between your aching core and the slight kink in your hip from the way you’re positioned on the couch, doing so is easier said than done. You hold out for as long as you can before you give in and shift your hips slightly, trying to be as subtle as possible.

He stirs in his sleep and pulls you closer, his cock pressing hard against your ass. You’re not sure if he’s awake—his breath is still coming slow and even against the back of your neck—but you can’t quite suppress the way your own breath stutters in your throat when you feel him against you. 

God, you want him.

He flexes his fingers where they are splayed against your stomach. You feel the tip of his nose brush against the curve of your neck.

“Will you admit now that you want me?” he says. His voice is low and intimate and calls to mind dark silk and smoke.

“I didn’t know that you wanted me to,” you say, which is true—whatever’s been brewing between you has been subtle, more sidelong glances than lustful stares; you’ve never spoken about it.

“Don’t play coy with me, pet,” he says, his voice a soft growl against your neck. “I have enjoyed the chase, but I’ve no more patience for games.”

The slickness between your thighs increases at the slight roughness in his voice. His lips graze the shell of your ear and you let out a sharp breath.

“Admit it.” He catches your earlobe between his teeth and gently sucks it into his mouth.

“Fuck,” you gasp, your back arching slightly against him.

“In due time,” he says, his hips pressing back against you. “Answer me first.”

You roll over so that you’re facing him. The sharp, angular planes of his face are flattered by the faint, moody blue light from the sleeping city outside. He stares openly, brazenly, at your lips, his hand resting on your waist.

“What happens if I do?” you ask.

He gives you a wolfish smile and his hand strokes down your waist to your thigh. He pulls your leg up and over his hip, drawing you toward him so that his cock presses against your clothed heat. You have to bite your lip to hold back a moan, but you’re pretty sure he catches the slight hitch in your breath.

“You’re a clever girl,” he says, “I’m sure you can work it out.”

When you’ve thought about this moment before—and you’ve admittedly thought about it a lot—you’ve always imagined yourself smirking right back at him, meeting his clever quips with barbs of your own until he’s forced to admit how much he wants you. But you’re not quite prepared for the way that your brain abruptly short circuits at the feeling of his thick, hard cock pressing against your clit through the thin fabric of your leggings or how his gaze is a thousand times hungrier in the dark than it was in your imagination. It feels thrilling and sexy being here with him like this, tangled up in the dead of night in the middle of the common area. Clever quips and keeping him hanging seem like an impossibility several times over.

He seems to sense that your resolve is faltering because his hand slides to your lower back and he rocks his hips against you ever so slightly, giving you just a taste of that beautiful friction.

“Admit it.” It’s not a question this time and a pleasant shiver runs up your spine.

You lick your lips. “I—I want you.”

His smile is like sin. “Good girl.”

You’re practically trembling with want when he kisses you, so slow and sensual that it makes you whimper when his tongue strokes past your lips and into your mouth.

He moves in a languid, almost lazy way that makes you dizzy with need. He’s completely unhurried, but there’s a tension in his body that tells you he’s barely holding back, that he wants you a lot more than what he’s saying.

You almost don’t notice his hand sliding from your back to your hip and then ghosting along your stomach until he slips it under the band of your leggings.

“How much do you want me?” he asks as his fingers trail lightly along the fabric of your underwear.

“You can’t tell?” you ask, trying and mostly failing to keep your voice level.

“I like to be certain,” he says.

“You just like hearing me say it,” you say.

His eyes glitter as his hand slips under the elastic of your underwear and slowly creeps downward. “And why shouldn’t I like hearing you tell me how much you want me?”

“I—” His hand is so close to where you need him. He runs one finger right along the edge of your slit and your breath catches. “I—I don’t…”

He raises an eyebrow expectantly. “You don't…?”

“I…” Your mind is blissfully blank and every fiber of your being is focused on his hand and your aching clit. “I—I don’t…remember the question.”

You think you must have surprised him a little because he laughs in a way that makes his eyes light up, even in the moody blue half dark of the room. But after a brief moment he refocuses and his fingers slowly part your dripping folds and finally stroke your throbbing clit.

“Oh fuck,” you breathe, a moan catching in your throat.

“As I thought,” he tuts. “You’re desperate for it, aren’t you?” You nod and he makes a scolding sound. “Say it. Tell me what you need.”

You can feel your cheeks heat, which is ridiculous given that he’s got his hand down your pants. You lick your lips. “I need to come.”

“And what do you want me to do about that?” His fingers circle your clit lightly and retreat.

You shiver, your hips rolling forward, searching out his fingers. “Touch me.”

“How?”

You bite back a whimper as his fingers trace a circuit around your clit, avoiding your obvious need. “Please, Loki.”

“I need you to be more specific, darling,” he purrs. Your hips roll forward and he retreats again.

“You know what I want,” you say.

His smile is sharp. “Have we not established that I like hearing you say such things?” His fingers bypass your clit again. “Tell me how you want me to touch you. Tell me what you want.”

Your pride—or what remains of it—has slowly eroded to nothing. You lick your lips. You need him.

“I—I need you to touch me,” you say again. “I want you to rub my clit until I come on your fingers.”

His smile is vulpine but his fingers finally roll over your clit, lightly circling it. You breathe out, your hips rocking with his hand.

“Absolutely drenched,” he murmurs. “You’re a proper mess, my love.”

“It’s because you’re such a fucking tease,” you say, your hands sliding up to grip his shoulders.

His eyebrows rise. “I’m a tease? Am I not giving you everything that you asked for?”

“After amping me up,” you retort.

“And I’m taking care of that now, aren’t I? I’m touching you just like you begged me to.” He changes the movement of his hand slightly, fingers rolling across the most sensitive part of your clit. You suck in a deep breath and his eyes darken as he readjusts his hand to hit that spot again. “And you obviously like it. I daresay you need it.”

Your head tips back as your hips rock with his hand. You can feel your orgasm beginning to build and for the first time, it occurs to you that you are doing this in the middle of a common area. Reluctant as you are to stop, you can’t help but think it might be best to relocate.

“Should—fuck, yes, just like that—should we go back to your room? Or mine?” you manage to gasp.

“I don’t see why that’s necessary.”

“S-someone might hear,” you gasp as his fingers massage your slick and swollen clit.

The white of his teeth flashes in the dark as he continues to touch you. “Then I suggest you keep quiet,” he says, his voice rough.

You manage to raise an eyebrow. “You don’t want to hear me?”

Another sharp smile. “Later.” His eyes darken. “You’ve kept me from my prize long enough. I rather think you’ve earned this little game.”

“I thought you had no more patience for games,” you manage to say.

He smiles and it occurs to you that he likes it when you talk back, perhaps just as much as you enjoy him putting you in your place. “Oh, I think I rather like this game,” he says, his fingers suddenly slowing, but still exerting a firm pressure on your clit. “How hard will you come for me? How quiet can you be?” His eyes darken again. “Or perhaps you don’t want to be quiet. Perhaps you want to be heard. Perhaps you want the others to know exactly what I’m doing to you.”

You shudder despite yourself.

“Wicked girl,” he murmurs appreciatively. “Letting me touch you out here in the open like this. Anyone could walk in here and see.”

“You’d really let that happen?” you ask. “I didn’t take you for the type who likes to share.”

The hunger in his eyes increases tenfold and you know this was the right thing to say. “Oh, I don’t share, darling. Especially not you.” He increases the speed of his fingers ever so slightly and your breath catches, the tension in your hips building. “Do you know how long I’ve waited for this? How many times I’ve thought about ravishing you until you forget every name but mine? How many times I’ve imagined you wet and begging for my cock?” His voice drops to a low rasp. “I have gone to bed hard and aching for you more nights than I can count.”

His words and his fingers are a wonderful and wicked combination. You reach for him, tangling your fingers in his ink dark hair and pulling him in to kiss you. He does, but with such a lazy restraint that you can’t help but whimper a little, trying to press yourself closer as your hips rock with his hand. You’re reaching the place in the lead up to your orgasm where you’re so desperate to come that you feel like you’d do almost anything. It’s a heady place, with an edge of danger and you think that Loki must have an inkling of it based on the way his eyes darken.

“Did you think of me like this? Did you touch yourself, imagining the feeling of my hands on your body?”

“I—”

He must catch the slight hesitation in your eyes because that firm authority returns to his voice. “Tell me.”

Panting, you nod and earn another one of those dark and hungry smiles.

“How many times did you make yourself come while thinking of me?”

You don’t know the answer to that. Partly because it was like…several times a week. For the last six months. At least.

“A lot,” you finally manage.

His smile is devilish as he kisses you. “You’re going to come at least twice as hard for me tonight.”

The muscles of your cunt clench tightly around nothing. You need him so badly. Have you ever needed anyone like this? You’re fairly sure you haven’t. You’re getting close, your hips rolling with the stroke of his hand.

“Tell me how much you need it,” he purrs. “Tell me how you need to fall apart on my fingers.”

“Loki—”

“Tell me.”

“Please—I’m so close—”

“Tell me and I’ll let you come. Be a good girl for me, darling, and I’ll give you everything you need.”

You gasp. “Fuck, Loki, I—fuck, I need to come—I need you—”

You’re not sure how he manages it—perhaps there’s some magic involved, perhaps it’s luck or skill—but you start to come the moment the words leave your lips. The edges of your vision blur slightly as your orgasm overtakes you, roaring up from your hips and bursting like fireworks in the night sky. You gasp, trying to hold in a moan, but a slight whimper escapes you before Loki’s mouth covers your own, claiming you in a hungry kiss. His hand is still moving, fingers still circling your clit.

“Oh, yes,” he breathes against your lips. “Oh that’s lovely.”

It seems to last a long time, drawing out in long waves that make your toes curl. He kisses you throughout, until you very nearly lose track of where you end and he begins. All the while, his fingers keep rubbing your clit, extending your pleasure and making you shudder.

You can feel his cock still pressing against your hip and you want nothing more than to take him in your hands and make him feel just as good as he made you feel.

“I want to touch you,” you say and you’re treated to another one of those hungry smiles before he starts undoing the fastenings of his trousers. His cock finally springs free and you suck in a deep breath. He’s big—easily the biggest you’ve ever had—and you can’t help the ache that courses through you.

It’s immensely rewarding hearing his breath hitch when you take him in your hand. You’re surprised by how warm he is—you’d expect a Frost Giant to run a little cooler, but he’s hot and throbbing. You stroke him slowly from base to tip, squeezing his shaft ever so slightly.

His head tips back and he lets out a very quiet groan before reaching to push your hand away. Your cheeks burn with embarrassment. “I’m sorry—” you start to say.

“I need you now,” he says, tugging your leggings and underwear down and off, his voice conveying both authority and desperation in a way that makes you ache.

He pulls you to him, drawing your leg up over his hip to spread you open. He rubs the tip of his cock along your slit, coating himself in your slickness and taking every opportunity to tease your clit.

He finally settles himself at your entrance and slowly begins easing into you.

He kisses you and it’s a good thing he does because you’re so slick and wound up that the dull, blunt stretch of his cock sliding inside of you unexpectedly tips you right back over the edge, pulling a soft moan from your lips as you come on his cock. You almost have a mind to be embarrassed—you’ve hardly begun and you’re already coming undone—but the feral glint in Loki’s eyes is enough to make you forget all about it.

“Like I said: you’re absolutely desperate for it, ” he says, pressing even deeper inside of you. “And you’re taking me so well.” He withdraws slightly and pushes forward again and you bury your face in his neck to hide your moan.

His fingers slide between your legs to find your clit. “I want to feel you come again,” he says, gently beginning to stroke you as he thrusts again. “You feel exquisite.”

It doesn’t take very long for him to build you back up—the steady thrust of his cock stroking your slick walls just right and his fingers expertly circling your clit is more than enough to take you there. It’s all so good and the way he’s kissing you is making you dizzy in the best way.

“I can feel you, darling,” he purrs in your ear. “Let go. Come on my cock like a good girl.”

With a few more thrusts, you do. You bury your face in his shoulder, trying to muffle your moans as much as possible.

“That’s it, yes,” he growls as he fucks you through the aftershocks. His brow is furrowed and his focus is intent and you can tell he’s getting close.

“Loki,” you breathe.

Even though he’s in the process of losing his composure, he still manages a wicked grin. “One more for me, love,” he rasps.

You’re not sure if you can manage another, to be quite frank. “Loki, I—”

“One more,” he says again, his eyes flashing. “One more and I’ll fill your tight, perfect cunt with my seed. One more and I’ll make you mine.”

His words send something electric and primal racing up your spine and quite suddenly, you find yourself hurtling toward the release you didn’t think you had in you. A choked whimper catches in your throat and you are trembling in his arms and with one last shudder, you come hard.

“Nearly there.” His words are punctuated by gasps, his hips never faltering in their rhythm.

His hips snap hard against you and he throws his head back, his face rapt in ecstasy, lost to a pure pleasure as he comes. He’s staggeringly beautiful in this moment and you’re filled with a feral kind of possessiveness—he is yours and you don’t want to share this moment or this feeling or this man with anyone else. It’s a startling thought—one you know that you know you’ll need to interrogate at some point—but you decide that it can wait until later. He starts kissing you and it nearly takes your breath away—it’s soft and tender and still so decadent it feels like it should be forbidden.

You want to stay in this moment with him, your legs wrapped around his waist, his cock still pressed inside of you, but you know it can’t last. Something in your chest aches as he pulls away from you, vanishes the mess and tucks himself back into his trousers. He slowly stands up and you suddenly feel so much colder than you were before.

But before you can start to wallow in that misery, he’s bending down and scooping you up into his arms, throw blanket and all.

Before you can even think to ask where he’s taking you, you’re in his rooms and he’s placing you gently on the bed.

“Oh, so now you want privacy,” you say as you watch him quickly strip off his clothes, your gaze lingering on every emerging detail like you’re a woman starved.

He smirks and joins you in bed, covering your body with his and kissing you deeply as he pulls off the rest of your clothes. The feeling of his bare skin on yours is so dizzying that it takes you a moment to realize that he’s hard again.

“Already?” you say with a disbelieving laugh.

His smile is sin dripped in syrup. “I am a god, pretty girl.”

The ache between your legs returns and he kisses you like he knows it.

“And this time,” he says, his eyes glittering with want, “I want to hear you scream for me.”

You are more than happy to oblige.

[misserabella]

new blood

ellie williams x fem! reader

enemies to lovers!

part 2!

summary; you had finally found joel, the man that had taken away your father. surprises show on the faces of his allies when you join them, instead of hunt them down for revenge, ‘cause you were already a prey under the eyes of your sister; abby. but there’s one of them that seems to take a special interest in you: ellie williams.

cw for this chapter; blood, weapons, chains, hostages, fighting, broken bones, threatening, mentions of abuse and imagery (abusive parent), drug usage (weed)…

REMINDER: english is not my mother language so i apologize if there are some mistakes <3 !¡ either ways, i hope y’all like it. <3

REPOSTS AND COMMENTS ARE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED!<3

Please, under no circumstances, repost my work on any other sites. I do not consent to anyone taking my work and posting it as their own.

-

Another day begun, and just like the last… you didn’t know how many days you’d been her, chained to this wall, but what you knew is that they all started the same way.

One, Two, Three Clicks, a knock and the door was opening.

Bright green eyes found yours, and as always, you ignored her, just like you ignored those who accompanied her. Every and each day they did the same. Came for questions that you wouldn’t answer. Came for something that you wouldn’t give them. How much would they keep you here? Would they get rid of you eventually? Would you rot here?

You kicked the still full trolley that they had left for you the night before towards the girl that stood at the front of the group. She looked rough, with freckles decorating her cheeks and a scar his right eyebrow. Her hair was up in a half messy bun, and there was a gun hidden underneath her green combat coat. It was cold. You could see it in the way her fingernails were turning just the slightest purplish.

The food spilled, and the water wetted her boots, but you didn’t care, she didn’t either. It had been days since you’d eaten. But you were clever. Who told you they wouldn’t drug you? Humans were scary, the real monsters in a world filled with them.

She simply approached you, boots heavy, a thud accompanying her walk as she threw something towards you as well; your backpack. You were quick to grab it, ripping it open and taking out your dagger under the vigilance of the whole group. She never stopped getting closer and closer —even if you were pointing at her with a weapon that you were more than ready to use—, until she had crouched down in front of you, bits of her hair cupping her cheeks.

“You’re not scared.” you muttered and the auburn haired simply shrugged. “Then unlock me.” you ordered and she smirked.

“How about a ‘thank you first’? If you can’t recall, I’m the one who told them to not shoot you.”

“Why would I fucking thank you? I’m chained to a fucking wall!” you hissed and she arched her eyebrows. Your grip tightened around the switch blade.

“If you kill me they’ll kill you.” she said, and nodded towards those who stared at you through the other side of the room.

“I’d like to see them try.” you smiled.

Two men and three women counting with this fucking asshole talking to you.

That’d be easy.

“What do you say? Want me to give you a matching scar on your other eyebrow? Maybe one across your neck would look good.” the girl simply stared at you, not even startled by your threat. Her green eyes never left yours, not even when she got up and gave you her back to get to the door. “Fucking let me out!”

But the door was closing, and you were left alone once again, completely trapped.

“Fuck!” you smashed the glass of water that stood on your new food trolley —the one that she had brought you for the morning— against the door, smashing it to pieces.

And that’s when it hit you. That’s right. You just needed to break.

-

“Okay! Let’s try this again.”

You were laying on your side when you heard her, the door opening with a creek along with the wood floorboards underneath the weight of those who had entered the room. You were giving them your back, trying to stay as still as possible, nor even breathing.

You didn’t answer, didn’t even turn. You were getting out of here.

Your lip was bleeding due to your teeth digging so harshly on its flesh, pain shooting through your veins.

Breathe.

The silence that came after that was terrifying, even more the sound of their guns cocking.

Breathe.

Something was wrong. You knew they knew. But they didn’t knew what exactly. So you had an advantage. You just needed to move your pawns the way you needed to and you’d be able to scape.

Steps became closer, and your breath almost hitched. Just a little bit more…

“Hey.”

You moved so fast it was almost impossible to follow, your body suddenly rising and swinging the chain that had had you captive for days. You dodged the bullet that her gun sent towards you and tugged from it when the chain had surrounded her wrist, sending her weapon far away from her reach.

You smiled as you pressed your switch blade against her neck once you’d managed to press her back against your chest, her hair was ticking your skin, and guns were pointing directly to your head.

“Huh-uh…” you chuckled, raising your eyebrows to the group that now threatened you. But you had now the upper hand. “I wouldn’t shoot if I were you. Wouldn’t want her to become my shield, right?”

The red head stood completely still, her green eyes on the oldest man of her companions. Bingo.

“Oh don’t look at me like that, old man. I swear I’m a good girl.” you pouted, still pressing the blade harder against the unknown girl’s neck.

“Ellie-“ he tried and come closer, but Ellie rose one of her hands, stopping him.

Ellie, Ellie, Ellie, Ellie, Ellie….

“Clever girl.” you muttered against her neck, and she hissed.

“You broke the chain?” she inquired and you chuckled.

“Not exactly.”

That when they all noticed. The hand that was holding the blade… It was broken, all bruised and bloody, shaking in pain but still ready to kill if the occasion called for it.

“You broke your hand?” the old man that had tried and step closer to help Ellie inquired, his eyes seeming shocked, even impressed by how far would you go to survive.

“Great, so the pops still has great sight.” you rolled your eyes, and he glared at you, his grip tightening around the gun. “You see… It was great. This whole cheap free hotel, nice food, comfortable floor to sleep…But I was getting pretty fucking tired of being your dog.” you shrugged. “So if you let me go… I promise not to bite.” you smiled, the threat on your eyes sending shivers down the spine of anyone that could ever lay eyes on you.

“You see… That was great.” Ellie suddenly said, and your hand shook against her neck. “The whole I’m so fucking crazy I’m gonna fuck up my hand and scape. But your plan is fucking stupid.” you frowned, but soon enough you were groaning when she suddenly grabbed your fucking hand and simply squeezed it, pain shooting down your spine.

In just a matter of seconds she had you pinned to the ground, your switch blade meters away scattered on the floor.

“You fucking bitch!” you seethed, trying to scape her hold, but she simply squeezed harder, digging her fingertips on your bruised and swollen skin.

“Oh, but I though the dog here was you, aren’t you?” your chest rose at her words, and before she could look away, you had spat on her face.

“Let me go.” you repeated, even if you knew you now were the one in trouble.

“Not until you tell me how you found us.” she answered, and you simply quieted down. “Answer me.” you cried out in pain when she twisted your wrist. The pain was making you see red.

“Ellie…”

“Shut it Dina.” she hissed, and you almost swore you could die when she banged your hand against the floor, making your head spin. “Answer me!”

“Joel!” you whimpered, breathy, sweat decorating your skin. “I came…, for Joel.” you muttered and the whole room fell silent. “And from that silence… I’m guessing it’s one of you, isn’t it? You two have aged since the last time I saw you… But I’d never be able to forget those names…” you smiled, and you saw her whole body stiffen up. “Even if it was years ago that he killed an entire hospital full of people just to save you, isn’t that right… Ellie?” her jaw tightened.

“Who are you?” the old man stepped closer, and you stared at him.

“Just the daughter of the surgeon that was supposed to cut her open.” you shrugged, and you shook when his finger pressed just the slightest against the trigger. “Woah, calm down pops. I’m not here to kill you, just to warn you that they’re coming after you.”

“Who? Who is coming after him?” Ellie inquired and your eyes were back on hers.

“Abby. My dear sister.” you scoffed, and moaned in pain when she tugged on your broken hand. “Fuck.”

“And why would you help us?” Joel spat, a visible frown on his face.

“Because you helped me first by killing that son of a bitch.” you answered. “And because she wants me dead too.”

-

You hissed and the woman simply sighed, finishing up with the bandaging of your broken hand.

“This… I don’t even have words for this. So you’re telling me that this group lead by… Abby, is coming after Joel to take revenge on him?” a man with brown long slicked hair sighed.

“How many are them?”

“About twenty.” you bit down on your lip when the curly haired tightened the bandages so your hand would be immobilized.

“Weapons?” Joel inquired, right beside the man who had just asked you. They looked similar. Maybe brothers.

“Guns, knives… Pretty much the same stuff you guys have.” you shrugged.

You could feel that pair of green emerald eyes burying into your skull from across the room, but you’ve decided just to ignore it and live peacefully with yourself.

“I still don’t understand it. Why would you make it all the way here to warn us?”

“I already told your, pops. Shit, you really need to check your hearing.” you rolled your eyes. “I’m just thanking you for killing my father that’s it.” you thanked the woman who you recall had been called Maria before when she had finished up with your hand.

“You’re… Thanking me.” you nodded. “For killing your father.” you nodded again and Joel blinked in confusion. “Why?”

“Why what?” you asked.

“Why are you thanking me for killing him? Shouldn’t you be siding up with your sister and coming after me?” you looked at him and then away, falling silent.

You got up from your seat and took your bag. They all watched you put your coat back on and push your gun on the back of your pants.

“Does it really matter? Just take the fucking help and try not to die.” you spat. It was obvious the venom and bitterness on your voice. “I’m done here. I’m leaving, probably to the other side of this fucking country to live in a farm or some shit until the day I peacefully die.” you pulled up the zipper of your coat. “I would say it was nice meeting you. But you treated me like pure shit, so I’d be lying.” you said before making your way towards the door.

“Wait.” Joel’s brother, now known as Tommy, interrupted your leave. “Why don’t you stay? At least for a couple of days, you’re safe here and they would find you. Once we take care of them, you won’t need to hide anymore and leave. At least let us thank you for helping us.” you stated at him, then at the rest.

“I don’t take charity.” you said. “I’ll leave now.”

“You really wanna go?” that was the first time you’ve heard her talk in hours. You could help but look at her, at her auburn hair, freckles and green eyes. “Since you’ve been in the same room for days, you might have not noticed the fact that we’re in the middle of a fucking storm.” and as if the world was trying to make a point, a loud bolt of lightning came crashing down the sky. How the hell hadn’t you heard those before? “And it will get much worse.”

You took a deep breath. Fucking hell.

After a few moments in silence you talked, sighing.

“Fine. But once it’s gone I am too. I’m not fucking staying for tea parties.” you spat.

And just like that, your cage had expanded from a room to the whole town.

-

Your hand hurt like hell. And you were fucking exhausted. But you couldn’t sleep. Wouldn’t sleep as long as she’d be there.

“Are your ever gonna put that thing down?” her green eyes met the switchblade on your hand.

You were back at her house, where Maria had placed you from the time being until she could find a clean and fixed place for you to stay.

“I think we both know the answer to that.” you answered, squinting your eyes, to what she rolled hers.

“Whatever. I’m gonna smoke. You enjoy your little psychotic breakdown.”

You watched as she made her way towards her side bed table and took a metal little box out of it before coming back to the salon, where the two of you had been sitting.

“Weed? Seriously?” you inquired, eyebrows rising when the smell hit your nose once she had opened the lid.

“I’d better be high if I’ll be sharing my house with you. It’s survival instinct.” she shrugged and you scoffed.

“Bitch.”

“That’s all? Damn, you really know where to hurt don’t you?” the sarcasm was palpable on her voice, and you rolled your eyes.

“Whatever.”

You two fell silent, and you simply stared at her roll the blunt with her slim yet long fingers, lick the paper to seal it and burn it just the slightest so it would have more firmness.

She took a big inhale once it was lit up.

You shrugged your jacket off, uncovering your shoulders and arms, more comfortable now on only your white tank top.

Ellie’s eyes landed on the exposed skin, the emerald shifting once she had took in the multiple scars that decorated them, along with your shoulders and back.

“Pretty aren’t they?” you sarcastically scoffed, and that’s when she noticed that she had been staring for far too long.

“Clickers?” she inquired, taking another drag of her blunt.

“My father.”

Her face fell, her breath hitched as you looked away.

“Let’s say I wasn’t his favorite.” you shrugged. “And that he was a fucking alcoholic with a lot of bad days.”

Ellie looked at you, silently, listening. She felt sorry for you. She never got to have a father, nor a biological one at least, but just to think about how your own blood could have done something as brutal as that to you…

“So now you might understand why I came here. How grateful I am to Joel for having ripped him out of my life. He saved me.” you muttered, still not looking at her.

Long minutes passed by in complete silence.

You two didn’t interact until she slowly but softly offered you her blunt. You rose your eyebrows before accepting it, taking a drag of it and slightly coughing.

“This shit’s strong.” you bitterly said, but still took another long and deep drag, already feeling slightly lightheaded.

“Why thank you. Appreciate it.” she smirked and your mouth slightly fell. “Best in Jackson.” you laughed at her confidence, your laughter filling and warming the room.

You offered it back to her, and as the time passed you two shared it in a deep silence.

Soon enough it went out, and Ellie got up, eyes tired and body heavy.

“Gonna go to my room. There’s more blankets on that basket in case you need ‘em.” you nodded. “Night.”

“Night.”

And with that you laid on the sofa, eyes unable to close. But it was okay. You couldn’t truly remember the last time your mind had been quiet enough to sleep. Ellie stood up all night as well. And the silence in between the two of you couldn’t be any more loud.

-

a/n; this has been sitting on my drafts for far too long. part two? 👀

ellie williams masterlist! <3

xxx

[avalypuff]

Answers to the common questions of “Why didn’t Zelda retain dragon features?” and “Why did Link’s arm revert to normal?”

I’ve been dying to do some analysis posts since TotK came out, and after seeing a lot of people complain about the above, I decided my first should be related to the endgame.

So, I’ve seen a lot of posts where people seem to misunderstand what was going on when Zelda changed back into a Hylian, and why Link’s arm returned to normal. Many write this off as simply plot convenience, and while it’s true that Nintendo wouldn’t want to leave the main characters of one of their most popular titles with permanent changes, I’m here to try my best to explain the actual reason these things happened the way they did, because whether you noticed it or not, there is plot relevance to this reversion.

Draconification is permanent.

This is an indisputable fact.

And while I have seen people criticizing the way Zelda changed back, the fact is she swallowed the stone knowing that she never would.

“I’ll be forever changed…”

Her cry for Link to find her was not for her sake. She wasn’t depending on him to find the key to changing her back. Nay, the only reason she desperately prayed for him to find her was so that he could get the Master Sword, which—ignoring game mechanics that would allow you to beat Ganondorf with literally any weapon with the right damage/durability ratio—canonically is the only thing that can hurt him.

When Zelda changed back, it was almost entirely thanks to Sonia. That’s right!

…Let’s take a second to recall this scene in which Rauru decimated the horde of Molduga.

We see Sonia extend her hand and then gesture for Zelda to do the same.

Here they’re extending their own power to amplify Rauru’s counterattack, even beyond the already-massive boost the Secret Stone provides.

In the final scene when Link finds himself hovering over the sleeping Light Dragon amongst a dream-like atmosphere, it’s really quite telling that Sonia is the first to rest her hand over Link’s, then followed by Rauru.

This time Rauru is fulfilling the role of amplifying Sonia’s power over time. Not just that, but adding it on top of the time manipulation that Zelda gave to Link at the beginning of the game.

That’s what’s happening here. This is immensely powerful, triple amplified time magic!

The change from dragon to Hylian wasn’t a transformation in the same sense that it was when Zelda changed from Hylian to dragon. I know that’s a confusing sentence, but consider the basis of Sonia’s time magic is recalling things as they once were.

Zelda didn’t retain dragon features because, through the power of time reversal, she was never a dragon to begin with.

This is the also the reason the Secret Stone reappeared on her necklace.

This is ALSO the reason Link’s arm reverted to its natural state before he was affected by the gloom.

And before y’all come at me with “well, why didn’t Rauru do that in the first place instead of giving his arm to Link?” Simple; Sonia wasn’t there. Even spirits aren’t omnipotent… in Hyrule. (Probably.)

The point is, this was essentially a lucky break for Zelda and Link, because if Sonia (and therefore Zelda, by inheritance) didn’t have time magic, there would have been no way to undo the Draconification. It would have been every bit as permanent as Hyrule legends and history says it is, and Zelda would be gone forever.

In fact, it’s likely it was a shot in the dark even on Sonia and Rauru’s part, considering there was no prior knowledge of reversing time on a dragon, let alone a person. It was a glorious blend of the convenience of Sonia’s time magic, and luck that it worked out the way they (“they” being all characters involved) wanted.

Anyways, to wrap this up, Draconification is indeed permanent, unless you have the number one badass-master-of-time-manipulation Queen Sonia on your side. Then you can probably undo anything. :)

[sweet-as-an-angel]

Niragi Headcanons

Warnings: 18+, Heavy BDSM, Edging, Overstimulation, Aftercare, Ownership Kink, Marking, Biting, Petnames, Consensual Dub-Con, Consensual Abuse of Physical Strength, Knife Play, Mentions of Blood, Spit Kink, Cum Play, Rough Sex, Dominant Niragi, Submissive Reader, Profanity, No Pronouns used for Reader except ‘You’, etc.

A/N: If you don't like this kind of content, please don't flag it ! It really hurts us authors and our engagement ! Instead, please consider blocking my account or changing your account viewing preferences so you aren't exposed to unwanted/NSFW content in the future :-). Here is a wonderful post which details how you can do just that <3

You’re his. Simple as.

And he makes sure to remind you - and anyone who crosses your path - on a near-daily basis.

Whenever he sees fit, he’ll just corner you and pin you down, telling you to “Calm down, Angel – you’re makin’ me hard,” – his way of warning you that whatever he has planned for you will only worsen the more you struggle.

And his bulge against your back is a very visceral promise of that.

Loves forcing your hands beside or above your head; it reminds you both of how much stronger than you he is – how weak and dependent you are compared to him.

How he owns you.

Bites your throat and shoulders, sucking marks, crafting you a necklace of bruises fashioned by him – his own branded jewels of love.

He’ll make sure they’re visible, too.

He needs to ward off other people from you by leaving his mark, his signature.

If he thinks you’re being bratty or uncooperative, he’ll go to any lengths to break you down until you submit to him entirely.

“You’re not making this any easier for yourself, Love,” he says. “Just tell me why you’re being so infuriating and I won’t bleed you this time.”

Massively into knife play.

Loves hearing you squeak and moan whenever he holds a knife to your throat or drags the blunted edge up your thighs, pressing it to your throbbing, aching core and cutting your underwear open, ravaging you.

He’s so rough when he’s in this kind of mood.

Will pound you until you bleed. Or give out and admit your feelings to him. Either will suffice; yet Niragi knows which he can draw from you first.

And his stamina and endurance are no joke.

He will outlast you in every faculty.

That’s the territory that comes with being a trained killer.

And he will remind you of that constantly.

“How does it feel–” he rasps, pants, as he pounds you from behind, the bed jutting with each thrust, “–to know you’re being fucked by a killer,”

The question is always rhetorical. He just revels in the feeling of you clenching around him when he recalls just how easily he could end you right here, right now.

But he doesn’t. And he never would.

He loves you far, far too much.

But that doesn’t stop him from being straight-up disrespectful.

Orders you to open your mouth, only for him to spit into it whenever he knows or suspects you’re being untruthful.

Also loves covering you in his cum.

His favourite thing is to cum inside you and watch it ooze from whichever holes he’s chosen to abuse that day, but something about covering you in it makes him feral.

Edges you constantly.

Uses your release as a bartering chip.

“Tell me why you’re being such a brat and I’ll let you cum.”

It’s a trap. Your honesty is punished, too.

Once he tears a satisfactory answer from you, he’ll let you - make you - cum.

And as your orgasm is still rolling through you, he’ll keep going. And going. And going.

At first you could assume it’s his bid to fulfill his own needs, but even after he finishes inside you and he simply doesn’t relent, realisation dawns on you.

Your insides are aching, pleading for a moment’s respite. But Niragi doesn’t stop, battering your hole and keeping it stretched over his bulging cock.

There comes a point where you’re banging your fists against his chest, begging him to stop because you’re so sensitive and it hurts, but he ignores you.

“If I were to let up that easily, I wouldn’t get to have any fun. Quite unfair after I let you cum, isn’t it?”

Looks into your eyes as he does it, too.

Will tie you up if he finds your cries and flails to be too bothersome.

Binds you to the bedposts so there’s nothing you can do but watch and feel as he slams into you at such a harsh, killing rhythm that has you thinking whatever’s leaking out of you right now is blood.

Very much into BDSM.

Will use his strength to bend you into whatever shape your body will allow and bind your limbs together, making it entirely impossible for you to break free as he has his way with you.

“You’re mine,” he’d say, grinding the shape of his cock into your walls; and all the while you’re moaning, crying, tears streaming down your face as euphoria tightens in your centre. “Nobody else can have you - please you - the way I can.”

Big fan of punishment, btw.

There are times where he puts you in a cage and just cums on you, making you stay there until his semen is crusting on your skin, makeshift scales on the creature he has reduced you to.

Also gets a kick out of spanking you, either with a belt or his hand.

When he’s feeling particularly cruel, he makes you count them until you reach the limit he has set for you.

And Heaven forbid you lose count, or you both start all over again.

Niragi likes to make sure that every time you try to sit down, you remember him – what he did to you.

When all is said and done, even when you’re used and stuffed and Niragi is milked dry, he is always up for more.

If you insist you can “go another round,” he’ll push you back down onto the bed.

“Oh, is that so, Sweetheart?” he says, looking down at you with mischief. “I might just break you if we go again.”

He’s joking, ofc.

When you're actually spent for the night, he just collapses next to you and looks upon you as if you are god, eyes dark and round.

Though he'd attribute that longing look in his eye to you being too emotional or clutching at straws - simply projecting that which you wanted to see.

Though, he will admit (only to himself), that it does feel nice to be so seen on occasion, but only by you.

Secretly loves to snuggle. All the time.

And he holds you as you’re drifting off to sleep, keeping you flush against his chest, wondering how he got so lucky to have met you.

Reblog for more content like this! It helps creators like myself tremendously :-) Masterlist

Masterpost

[blasphemecel]

Michael Kaiser — Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy

PAIRING: Michael Kaiser/Reader WORD COUNT: 1.3k TYPE: Angst, Post-break up WARNING(S): Don't read if you're sensitive to medical stuff, also tw for KAISER-TYPICAL MELODRAMA

“Are you fucking kidding me? That just sounds made up.”

“Sir,” the doctor, who’s been having to deal with Kaiser acting like the hospital is a debate club for the past fifteen minutes, says. Then he lets out a sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose. In all honesty, he does not want to deal with this. “While there’s an existing argument about the classification of broken heart syndrome, it is a real thing that happens. And you have it as we’ve deduced.”

“I don’t have health problems,” Kaiser says. Of course, those words fly out of his mouth without trouble even when Ness had to call an ambulance on him and everything, since he looked like he was on the brink of death today at practice. “Much less from bullshit reasons like a broken heart.”

“You don’t need to take it literally. That’s just the name. The trigger for the stress varies from case to case.”

Kaiser hopes his defensive statement didn’t reveal anything too personal, and decides to throw off any suspicion by staring down at his lap while frowning like a kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. At least the doctor doesn’t seem to care because he’s not prying for unnecessary details. Not yet, anyway.

“For how long have you been ignoring the symptoms?”

“I haven’t been ignoring anything,” Kaiser says.

Sure, he was dizzy a few (many) times and short of breath, and disregarded it. And while he can sense the tightness and pain in his chest each time, a recurring physical and tangible ache, Kaiser interprets the experience as some kind of metaphor for the figurative stabbing he was a victim of. The arrhythmia is a natural indignant response to whenever your irritating face pops up in his imagination, since you’re the perpetrator.

All this over some shitty break up. While it’s stupid for someone whose career is in sports to shrug off such obvious signs, until today Kaiser never truly thought it was serious enough to warrant such an overreaction from his body. You shouldn’t have this much power over him. He’s going to kill you next time he sees you for doing this to him.

He’s deep in denial and the grave he’s been digging with his stupid lies is shallow in contrast, inefficient. Can’t even deceive himself.

“It’s most common in people over fifty.”

Kaiser rolls his eyes. “Thanks. I really needed to hear that.”

“What I’m saying is, I assume you’ve been ignoring this for some time and it escalated to a bad attack. So, do you recall if you’ve gone through severe stress recently? Anything traumatizing even, either physically or mentally? When was it? If you could be exact, that’d be helpful.”

Traumatizing? Traumatizing? Is this man fucking kidding him right now?

Kaiser stares at the doctor as if he’s the stupidest person alive. Forget a person, he is a bug for such a suggestion. Through grit teeth, he relents, “There was something two weeks ago. By the way, it wasn’t traumatizing! That’s ridiculous.”

What’s even more absurd is the notion Kaiser wouldn’t know how much time has passed with perfect accuracy. Fourteen days he hasn’t been sleeping well, hugging his pillow and crying like a loser, cursing you, wanting you back, both a worshipper and a heretic.

What was he feeling at that moment, when you broke things off? Was it overwhelming anger which got him to this point? Though he’s been reliving the moment over and over, Kaiser still can’t identify it. Just something intense zapping him through his veins, a devastating shock, a surge of adrenaline. But surely it was resentment at your audacity to throw him away like disposable trash? He doesn’t like the thought that he’s been so pathetically sad, he got sick because of it, so this is what he’ll go with.

Thinking about it is enough to make him start picking at the skin on his neck like he’s trying to peel the ink off. It’s almost vile. At least he retains the common sense not to squeeze it in front of a medical professional who can send him away to a psych ward with ease.

The doctor, too, looks at Kaiser like he is an insane person. Good thing they pay him enough for this — otherwise, he doesn’t know how he’d deal with having a strange man with a bizarre haircut give him attitude over his diagnosis when it should be reserved for his barber or whoever is responsible.

“Two weeks ago, okay,” he says, writing it down. “Lucky for you, this is temporary and reversible unlike most other things we checked you for. You’ll be fine in about two months with the treatment.”

“So, like I thought, it’s not a big deal. I can still play football, right? Don’t need to lay off or anything?” Kaiser asks.

The doctor sighs. Again. He wants to measure the circumference, thickness and density of Kaiser’s skull. “You’re not listening,” he says, clearly exasperated, but still trying to exert patience. “Your heart is weak and not functioning properly at the moment. You can’t immediately jump back into living the way you usually do. It’s still serious no matter what you say and it can cause complications.”

Kaiser makes an annoyed expression like this is all one big inconvenience rather than a threat to his quality of life. “Are you serious? You’ve got to be shitting me.”

“I’m honored you seem to think I’m a hilarious comedian, sir, since this is your nth time asking, but it’s not the case,” he says levelly.

“Don’t get clever with me.”

A sharp inhale through the nose and the doctor’s back on track, maintaining a feeble grasp on his inner peace, at least enough not to snap. Then, after this brief recollection, he reaches out to grab something, then holds it up. It’s a picture that looks either like an abortion-to-be or a black and white photo of lasagna… maybe. “This is your heart.”

Kaiser almost forgot about the ultrasound or whatever since he was strung out and sedated- relaxed throughout that whole ordeal. At the sight of it now, always theatrical, he decides the best course of action is to wrinkle his nose and say ‘eww,’ even though he’s not squeamish. But treating the matter seriously means admitting he has a problem, and he can’t have that.

The doctor pretends he can’t hear anything and points at the relevant area with his finger to illustrate the crux of the matter better. “You have apical ballooning. Do you get it? Even if it’s temporary, you can’t treat it lightly. So-”

Kaiser tunes out the rest of the explanation. Blah, blah, he could harm himself, very original. His gaze is stuck on the echocardiogram, though, and this time he’s nauseous for real, the tiniest bit. It strikes him as particularly ugly and deformed. Organs are repulsive to begin with, anyway, but this… thing is his, and he’s seeing it now. In any case, nothing so disgusting is worth loving or treating with care.

Is this how you’ve come to see him? What does Kaiser look like in your eyes? Ugly and maladjusted on the inside? Someone who likes laughing at other people’s misery, but can’t take even the slightest puncture? So out of touch with his emotions — and of his own volition —, he’s started experiencing them in the most visceral way possible. His desire for you: torment, a disease.

Would you find him dramatic? Maybe, but at least you’d make him laugh and smile and anything else his troubled mind has decided he needs at the moment, from you alone. Doesn’t matter, though. He’s not privy to that kind of thing, not anymore.

There’s a sting in his eyes and Kaiser wipes away his tears with a hasty swipe, though a few more stream down his cheeks. He doesn’t even know what he’s crying about again.

The doctor observes the display with the distanced apathy of someone who’s watched people die and shit themselves.

He gets discharged with a prescription and elaborate instructions on how to go about his physical activities until it’s deemed he’s fully healed at the later check-ups.

Great. Pitiful.

___

What's funny is that Y/n's probably having a good day while all this is going on

[biniminisblog]

wish you were mine | yang jeongin drabble

pairing: yang jeongin x fem!reader ft. brother!seungmin

genre: angst, forbidden love, brother’s bestfriend

word count: 0.6k

a/n: i know i said i wasn’t gonna post for a while but i just came back from school after hours of dance practice and inspiration suddenly kicked in. ig my mind works better when i feel like dying lmao. its also probably why its angsty lol. as always reblogs/replies and feedback are very much appreciated, thank you! and stream social path ‼️

you’re crying. you’re crying and it's all his fault. you were only supposed to be seungmin’s younger sister, even so, jeongin knows that falling in love with you was inevitable. however, he also knows that it’s forbidden. which is why he just stands there, watching you cry as he continues to lie to you. he lies that he’s not in love with you. he lies that he’s never thought of you everyday. he lies that you’re just seungmin’s younger sister to him. everything he’s said are lies yet he can’t seem to stop it.

“please jeongin just give me a chance! i promise i can give you the love you deserve.” he knows you can. in fact, you have already given him more than what he deserves while also simultaneously stealing his heart in the process. the very same heart that is now burning with anguish because of you—no, because of him. he could never blame you of his stupid actions, you were too perfect in his eyes.

he’s the one who messed up. he led you on for months, flirting and teasing each other, only for him to claim he never had feelings for you.

“oh, my sister? she can be a pain the ass sometimes but i love her. why? you like her or something?”

“what? pfft no of course not!”

“good because she’s off limits, wouldn’t want my best friend dating my own sister. gross.” he recalls his and your brother’s conversation, and although it was intended to be a lighthearted joke, jeongin knows seungmin was being serious. just a reminder that he could never be with you.

“i’m sorry yn.” his apology seems to have calmed you down a bit. you’ve probably realised that maybe he wasn’t worth it after all and although it hurts, he won’t deny it. he knows you deserve someone better than him anyway. someone who can say what they truly feel without hesitation. you nod slowly, and just as he thinks you’re about to walk away, you suddenly lunge forward and attack him with a hug. it startles him, making him stumble a bit but he regains his balance. you’re hugging him, and in that moment, hope begins to bloom in his chest. jeongin thinks that maybe, just maybe, he can ignore the fact that you’re his best friend’s sister, and you both can finally do what you’ve always wanted.

“let’s stay like this, even just for tonight, please. then i promise i won’t bother you again.” you whisper, and just like that, all hope is crushed within a split second. of course you wouldn’t fight for him, that would be selfish of him to think. even he didn’t put up a fight, he just gave up the moment seungmin told him so.

despite this, he nods at your request, finding it hard for him to say no. it was hard enough to reject you, he doesn’t want you to get hurt any more than he’s given you. with that, jeongin wraps his arms around your waist, and you snuggle closer to him, wrapping your arms around his neck. at this close proximity, he can smell the perfume he was sure was his. he knows it’s his because you would steal it even though you try to deny every time he asks. he smiles endearingly at your fond memories together. jeongin was going to miss your beautiful smile and looks that were only reserved for him. he hoped that in another universe, you guys would be together without any care in the world, just happy to be in each other’s arms.

jeongin wishes you weren’t seungmin’s sister. he wishes you were just a random person who he happened to stumble upon and fall in love at first sight. but life is unfair like that and all he can do is suck it up and try to move on, even though he knows he never truly will. still, just for tonight, jeongin would pretend you were his and he was yours.

[aziraphales-library]

hello lovelies!! thank you all so much for all the work that you do!! y’all really are lifesavers.

i was wondering if you had any recommendations for fics that emulate the style of the original book/have a Pratchett-y vibe (footnotes, humour, structure, etc.)? i’d be especially interested in ones that are in this style but exist in the show’s canon rather than the book’s, but I wouldn’t mind either way!

We have a #footnotes tag, please check that out. Here are more fics with footnotes...

A Lot of Space Between Your Ears by nerdsandthelike (G)

“And you expect us to just waltz into Heaven, rob the archives, and walk back out?” “Yes.” “No.” Nearly a year after they successfully stopped the world from ending, Heaven obtains evidence that would result in Aziraphale being recalled from Earth. Crowley and Aziraphale decide to steal it back.

DIY How to build your own Garden of Eden by ximeria (T)

Post-not-end-of-days Crowley feels a change is needed, but he can't do it alone. Not to mention, he's not entirely sure what it is, this nebulous thing that he wants. He just knows it involves Aziraphale.

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by divisionten (T)

“Well, Pulsifer, I can say with confidence I know exactly what’s wrong with your car.” “Oh? What’s wrong?” Newt peered down, looking at the undercarriage, as most people do who want to help but have absolutely no skill in basic car repair. “It’s shit.” (An anthology collection of the times Anthony J. Crowley, retired demon and occasional slumber party guest, and Aziraphale, forcefully instated Guardian Angel of the downtrodden, get summoned to deal with humanity.)

Yes and Please and Thank You by WyvernQuill (T)

"Go to alpha centauri, for all I care! Go now, this very instant, and never return, do you hear me, Crowley? Never!" Due to Crowley's firm conviction that "he need never know", Aziraphale has, for all the time they've known each other, been blissfully unaware of the obedience curse Crowley's been looping holes around since 4004 BC. You can't really blame him, is the point. Aziraphale had no idea what his unthinking words might do, and is already planning to apologise profusely at dinner... ...which might get a little tricky, seeing as Crowley has just been sighted in the vicinity of Pluto, and has concrete orders to never show his face on earth. Ever. Again.

Demon in Heaven, Angel in Hell by Hexqueen517 (T)

When the world ends, Aziraphale will be called back to Heaven and Crowley will be banished back to Hell, separated for eternity - unless they’re willing to listen to Beelzebub and Gabriel’s plan. Which is Beelzebub’s plan, of course, but they need Gabriel to act as a shield against plant misters filled with holy water. But not everyone in Heaven and Hell is on board with Beelzebub and Gabriel’s leadership. When everyone at the top of the Ineffable Bureaucracy has their own ambitions, the chances of averting apocalypse yet again may seem random. You never know who will come out on top when the dice begin to roll …

i have spent all my years in believing you by braveatironheart (M)

This is the story of how Aziraphale and Crowley inadvertently end the war between Heaven and Hell. The story of how they – indirectly, at least – avert the Apocalypse is in there, too, but I suspect you already know that one. If pressed and in an uncharacteristically honest mood, Crowley would have to admit he’d fallen for Aziraphale in the Garden of Eden. Things were not so straightforward for Aziraphale, who spent six millennia trying to ignore his growing fondness for the demon. He supposed the first time he’d felt drawn to Crowley would have been in Rome, eight years after the death of Christ. And what had he done? Invited him to lunch. It was no wonder, really, that he kissed him two thousand years later. How else was one to respond when one’s hereditary enemy saved one’s life and one’s books? 5945 years after they meet, Crowley and Aziraphale confess their love for one another. They certainly aren’t going to let anything get in the way, no matter what Heaven and Hell throw at them. aka Good Omens, except the only plot is Aziraphale and Crowley’s relationship. Complete with original, lockdown-era plot.

- Mod D

[prismatic-bell]

ok so this is less a zionism question and more one related to judaism as a whole, but: the hebrew calendar is currently in the year 5784, yeah? but of course, that doesn't necessarily mean jewish history is necessarily over five thousand years old- jesus's birth precedes christianity in its current form by at least a couple of centuries.

but here's the thing- one post, whose actual content i don't recall, happened to mention that jewish history is three thousand years old. This is where my question gets specific enough so that you'd be able to answer it in a tumblr ask.

you see, the author of one of my favourite books of all time, Sun Tzu, is rumored to have served under Hu Lu of the Wu kingdom, which would put his life at about 500-400 b.c.e. Did judaism exist during that time? could Sun Tsu have credibly met a rabbi in his lifetime (ignoring the Huge distance between the levant and china, of course)?

(also, i know like. Very Little about the history of that area so sorry if my question is stupid or offensive in some way. was the Temple already built there and stuff? were there already people keeping kosher? that sort of stuff)

So let’s start here: that post is incorrect. It’s closer to 3500 years, and the reason it’s not more than that is because before that we were still Canaanites. (Torah claims we defeated the Canaanites. The truth is more like “we were a small sect of Canaanites who out-babied all the other Canaanites.”)

As for whether Sun Tzu could have met a rabbi…no, but not because we weren’t around then. Sun Tzu’s life falls smack in the middle of the return to Jerusalem; Judea had an extremely small population at this point (the whole country is estimated at no more than 30,000 people, with only a single city—Jerusalem), but it did exist as a Jewish nation under Persian rule. We were very much around. But rabbinic Judaism—which is the modern form of Judaism, and what people usually mean when they say “Judaism”—didn’t exist until after the fall of the Temple in 70CE led to the end of blood sacrifice, and the beginnings of the concept of what we today call “rabbis” didn’t exist until the mid-100s BCE. We do have some men older than that who we call “rabbi” sometimes in modern discussion, but this isn’t any kind of official title—it’s more a mark of respect for their great wisdom and learning (like having an honorary doctorate degree). Far more commonly, these men are called the sages, or were kings.

That isn’t to say there’s no chance of Sun Tzu having met influential figures in Judaism, however. Torah was first being written down right around the time he lived, and it so happens that a lot of Jews were in Babylon at the time. Depending on how far he traveled (if he did), he could absolutely have met some of the Jewish figures codifying Torah and the Mishnah, and since some of our earliest fragments of Torah are written on papyrus rather than parchment, it’s even possible he read portions of it. This is doubly true because Israel-Judea is a linchpin between three separate continents: Europe, Africa, and Asia-by-way-of-the-south (nobody was crossing the Alps in 400BCE). That’s why our particular patch has been so fought over throughout history—for most of history, he who controlled Jerusalem controlled international trade. Could some of our writings have been included in a trade headed east? Absolutely. It wouldn’t even be that weird for a few stray copies to have not survived—keeping in mind how many more forms of media and record we have today than we’ve had throughout history, and how much easier it is to make those records, it is still estimated that over 99% of all media and records made in human history are permanently lost. Yeah, totally, Sun Tzu could’ve been like “are there wise men in these western countries? Bring me their writings” and read them and gone “huh, neat, I’ll have to think about that” and then because his scrolls got eaten by bugs and he didn’t use MLA format nobody would ever know. It’s extremely likely that’s happened with many writings from many places throughout history. And yes—it’s equally possible that a few stray Jews became merchants or great travelers and made their way to China and we don’t know because their publicity agents sucked. That is, unfortunately, the case with most of history. We find half a dozen puzzle pieces from a picture we know must contain at least five thousand pieces and we’ve got to reconstruct what it looked like and hope a seventh piece turns up somewhere. So is it likely Sun Tzu met Jews? Not at all. Is it impossible? Absolutely not.

Now as for what Jews were doing at the time…first, I’m going to say the idea that ancient Jews all did exactly as Torah said to do all the time is a lovely fairy tale. I think those of us who did most of our study of the ancient world in sixth grade during our Egypt phases tend to forget that then as now, people were people everywhere you went, and “the [insert ancient race here] people believed ________” is a convenient oversimplification. There would have been varying degrees of observance just like there are today, and I suspect that’s even more true in the peasant class; you’re not making your kids go hungry so you can sacrifice an expensive calf. But this WAS the period when we started getting a unified “this is what we are supposed to do, here, we wrote it down for you” practice, so here are some examples:

1) this is the period when the Jewish pantheon—yes, that was a thing—got collapsed into a single god, the one we now call the One G-d, Adonai. (Yes, the one with the Y-name, no, I’m not saying it.) This is why in some portions of Torah G-d is referred to as Elohim—El was originally another god. The “im” ending is a plural.

2) the rules of Temple sacrifice were formally codified. This isn’t to say it was a free-for-all before this time, but your options were…squishier, so to speak.

3) THE RULES OF KASHRUUUUUUUUUT this is when all of that stuff got written down and formalized. Before this things like not eating pork would have existed, but they would have been more of a cultural taboo than a religious law. This probably reflects why some parts of kashrut, or kosher, laws are so weird in Torah. Like—it tells you some birds are kosher and some aren’t, but it’s super vague on which is which. That makes a lot more sense if “everybody knew” what was and wasn’t taboo. Sort of like how if you open a cookbook and see a recipe asking for two eggs you automatically look for a chicken, not a goose.

4) a lot of laws just didn’t exist yet, or didn’t exist in their modern form. For example, the law against mixing meat and dairy at this point applied only to mammals, and it referred only to how it was cooked. You couldn’t cook an animal in its own mother’s milk. If the ancient Judeans had had ancient chicken alfredo, that would’ve been fine. The rabbis of Talmud (by that point they were actual rabbis) expanded this law due to a superseding law whose name I can’t remember at the moment but the idea of that law is “don’t do anything that could look like you’re breaking Jewish law even if you’re not.” Since you can’t necessarily tell what a meat is without tasting it, or what kind of milk a dairy product has come from without tasting it, the expanded law says “just don’t eat meat and dairy together at all, it looks bad.” Other laws that exist now but didn’t then include the creation of an eruv and all laws surrounding Chanukkah, which celebrates events that didn’t occur until the 300s.

So TL; dr: yes, in theory Sun Tzu could have met Jews, or at least read our earliest writings; the Temple existed (although at that precise moment in time it was very small and not at all grand); and the laws of Judaism-as-we-know-it were just being formalized after a thousand years of oral tradition, so we were doing some stuff and not other stuff.

[not-goldy]

https://x.com/jungkovtae/status/1786711414331023545?s=46

How do they not get it? I just saw this post and i honestly don’t understand how taekookers don’t get it. Jk tells V he would like for them to ride together and the first thing V says is “why?”💀. Then Jungkook goes ahead to say he just wants to ride with hyung🥹 and then V says no and later says. “I feel like there is a reason”. Doesn’t anyone with a brain automatically understand just from this conversation that there is no way in hell these two are a couple? Why would ur boyfriend say he wants to ride together and you ask why? Plus V’s reaction clearly shows that he isn’t used to riding with Jk or used to Jk asking for them to ride together UNLESS there is a reason💀. So if there is no reason or ulterior motive, Jk wouldn’t feel the need to ride with Tae. So you mean to tell me that taekookers see things like these and still don’t get it?

Kinda reminds me of how when they were rookies, Jk picked V as the member he would like to share a room with and when he was asked why, he said so that they could play games all night. Compare this to him saying that Jimin is his all nighter buddy and that most nights, it’s just two of them together doing “something” and apparently he doesn’t even know what they do🤨. Notice how with Jimin he doesn’t need a reason to want to be with him at nights but he clearly says him wanting to share a room with V is mainly so they can play games at night. And then when you think about Jimin saying that Jk comes to knock on his hotel room door at 1am and stays in there for about 4hours at a time “doing nothing”. So once again, we are hearing that Jk isn’t going in there so much because he has something to do with Jimin (i mean he has something to do but we will talk about it later) but him just going in there and spending all that time in there just because he wants to and not for any particular reason.

How do they not get it? Lord knows if i ever hear Jimin say that Jk probably only wants to ride with him or do something with him for a reason, i am packing my bags. There is so many things that have given away so many clues that taekook are definitely not together even before taennie but these people just won’t take the hint.

Can you remember how shocked Tae and all the other members were in “Let’s BTS” when they thought Jk’s letter was for Tae? Tae looked so shocked like he knew Jk would never write to him and ofcourse, jk asked him to pass the letter to Hobi. But compare that to Jin and Tae being very sure that Jimin’s letter was for Jungkook and that it was going to be something “touching”. Also reminds me of winter package 2019 (i think) where Jk gives Tae that present. Tae looked so surprised like Jk was doing something he wasn’t used to. I mean i can get that look of surprise and joy when someone actually surprises you but the look of being shocked at someone doing something you didn’t expect them to do cuz they never do it, is different and that was the look on Tae’s face. When Jk was given that task to ignore Tae for 24 hours and Tae didn’t even notice and went ahead to say he didn’t notice because Jk always ignores him. Now, this is not me saying Jk hates tae or anything, no. Those two are thick as thieves and they are besties but everyone knows that boys just sometimes act like that but jk’s “boyfriend” definitely wouldn’t fail to notice if his boyfriend is ignoring him for that long. I don’t even want to get into Tae admitting about 3 times to not knowing Jk’s hotel rooms, over the years. How do you see all these and honestly think “yeah these two are boyfriends”? How????

Tae my darling bs detector 😹😹😹😹😹

He and Jk do share a brain cell when it comes to calling people out on their bs and I love it.

While Jk won't put Tae on the spot like that- Tae has the right level of petty to put Jk on the right side of the road for the kill😩😹😹😹😹😹😹😹

He'd just run him over like 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

You recall when he randomly blurted out that JK ignores him and that he's used to him ignoring him so when JK was deliberately ignoring him as part of a clue to a game they were playing he missed the clue.

Something like that I forget the details 😹😹😹

The level of pettiness and shady remarks between them should be enough to dispel the illusion but apparently it just flies over everyone's heads😹😹😹

[carlos-tk]

Ok here goes!! I’m new to the 911 LS fandom and thus this is my first addition to Seven Sentence Sunday (let us all ignore that it’s already Monday in my timezone) I’ll be asleep when this posts due to that! Please enjoy this graphic I cooked up on a whim because I totally forgot that was a thing until 5 minutes ago!

Extremely nervous to post this as it’s really the first foray back into writing in years. This is part of a as yet unnamed colleagues AU that I’ve been working on

Thanking some pre-tags from earlier this week @rmd-writes @welcometololaland @celeritas2997 @inkweedandlizards 💗

This is also definitely more than seven sentences but I digress

“You know you should totally fuck me against that nice big window,” TK announces as he roams around Carlos’ new office, fingers dancing along the windowsill, sparing a glance outside, raindrops pelting heavily against the glass, the storm clouds shielding most of the cityscape below.

Carlos fixes him with an unimpressed glare. “TK we’re at work,” he groans, “could you at least try not to be crude.” TK turns from the window, circling back to strand in front of Carlos, before leaning against the desk behind him, shrugging plainly, “I’m just saying,” he whines, reaching out a hand to poke his pointer finger into Carlos’ abdomen.

“Is it the promotion making you so uptight?,” he asks, absentmindedly tugging on the lower buttons of Carlos’ shirt.

“I am not uptight,” Carlos refutes, shoving TKs hand away.

“Are you sure? Because I seem to recall a time when we did very naughty things, very often, in this very building,” he smirks, his hand once again ghosting across Carlos’ abdomen, his pinky finger dipping beneath the waistband of his slacks.

Carlos bites back a moan at TKs tone and innuendo, the touch of his hand against his body, “and now I can’t even make a suggestion without you scolding me, that doesn’t seem fair baby.”

Carlos bring a hand up to rest between the gap where TKs neck meets his clavicle. “I’m just saying don’t get your hopes up for any repeat performances, I’d actually like to keep my job.” TK huffs a breath, retracting his own hand from Carlos’ body.

“Killjoy,” he mutters under his breath, a pout forming on his lips. “Also you just proved my point,” he exclaims. “By saying I wouldn’t sleep with you on the premises,” Carlos asks, quirking an eyebrow at him. “Yes,” TK replies in an instant.

“You’re seriously telling me you have your own private office now, that also has a lock might I add, and you’re not going to fuck me in it.” His pout deepening. “Last month you had me on my knees in one of the unlocked restroom stalls, and now you-,” he doesn’t get to finish his sentence.

Carlos tugs him forward, grasping his wrists, twisting both behind his back. He presses himself as close as he can with the intrusion of their joined hands between them, biting down on TKs earlobe, breath hot against his ear. “You’re being a terror.” TK inhales sharply, still trying to keep his cool, “Am I?,” he asks, sounding only mildly pathetic.

“You need to behave baby, or you won’t be getting fucked anywhere,” Carlos warns, voice rough, his grip on TKs wrists tightening.

“What,” TK cries out in disbelief. “Do I need to repeat myself,” Carlos asks, though he knows the answer already. “No,” TK lets out quietly. “Good boy,” Carlos praises, and it takes all of TKs willpower not to grind back against Carlos at the endearment.

I have no idea who to tag but I’m just going to add some people whose work I admire @strandnreyes @three-drink-amy @orchidscript @reyesstrand @carlos-in-glasses @birdclowns and anyone else who’d like to join 💗

[comingyourlugubriousness]

Something that doesn't make sense but compels me.

- Me and @bunnwich where talking about that troupe where characters get turned into lil kids and interact and I was like hmm. I imagine it's due to some alchemy class potion mishap!

In my mind Yume is 9ish here and Idia is 10.

(If you enjoy my art please consider commissioning me! Comm's close in a few days!)

Anyways on to my random thoughts: (warning long)

Younger Idia Headcanons:

Idia’s age would still be post losing Ortho and since it took him about 2 years to make Ortho, this would be an Idia that had been living with robot Ortho for only 1 year. 

Because of that I think he wouldn’t be surprised to see Ortho, but I think he would be amazed at how fair his design has come since he first invented him. Since it is a good 9 years later. I imagine Ortho has been through a lot of updates in the past 11 years.

I think he’d really just want to ignore everyone and spend time with Ortho.

Speaking of others he IS SO ANXIOUS AND AWKWARD AND AFRAID. (the big 3 a’s). He’s hiding behind Ortho whenever he can. I don’t imagine at this age Idia had any friends, let alone friends his own age. And he probably had never even left the Isle of Lament yet.

His only interactions with people I imagine were online. So everything here at NRC is new and overwhelming. 

Hides his hair because he KNOWS everyone will think its freaky. He wears his hood whenever he can, until he realizes everyone knows about it and someone tells him that it looks pretty.

But when he’s not shy and anxious you know he’s being a shithead. I imagine being raised on the internet for two years as an impressionable kid probably made him a real troll. And why I don’t think he would be rude to adults, people around the same age as him better be prepared to be roasted if they push him or try and get him to do something he doesn't want to. (Ortho excluded.)

Despite that I think some people would say (when he's not gushing about his hobbies) that he acts mature for his age. He definitely strikes me as a kid who had to grow up fast in some regards. And that playing with Ortho was his only outlet to actually being a kid. And when Ortho was gone he fell hard into using games/anime as an escapism to try and capture that feeling once again, but never quite could.

He probably finds it a little weird that Ortho acts a bit older, since he’s supposed to be the older brother. But I think he would be too happy to see Ortho to really care.

Strikes me as a low maintenance kid that’s used to taking care of himself. Just give him a corner and a computer/console and he’s good. 

Idia's hair is at a weird phase where there's a lot of it but it's not long so he pins it back otherwise it will get in his face.

Doesn’t understand why Ortho is trying to get him to spend time with others, especially the few kids around here that are his age…?

Younger Yume headcanons:

Yume turning younger is an interesting concept, as they don’t have any real memories of their past. In a strange way this would carry over even when they are younger. Like they know they had parents but can’t recall where they live? Everything feels fuzzy and it kinda scares them that they can’t remember. If anything this would just be a glimpse into their past, but not the full picture.

Yume is a very shy kid. Like Idia they are hiding behind (younger) Yuuta

 While I imagine Idia finds it easier to talk to adults, Yume is the opposite. They much rather talk to kids around their age and they get intimidated easily by adults. 

Too young to have their glasses at this point in time.

That kid that carries a stuffed animal everywhere. They get very distressed when they first turn until Sam offers them a free toy on the house. 

Mostly an okay kid, but if you try to give them medicine they will kick and scream and cry like their life is on the line. 

Doesn’t like rough housing and doesn’t know how to hold back so they will kick you as hard as they can if someone takes it too far.

Picky eater to the max.

Hates being yelled at and will take everything personally and cry.

They get a little scared by Grim at first, but once he tones down the “minion stuff” a little bit. Yume warms up to him fast. They think he’s a stuffed animal.

Scared of the ghosts at first until they tone down the silly scares.

Tries to be a very independent kid who doesn’t like asking for help, but is frankly too small to do a lot of things. 

Curious about a lot of things and can get distracted easily. So you have to watch them bc if you are not careful they will wander off to go explore. 

Asks questions about EVERYTHING.

Holds on to peoples shirts instead of their hands. When asked why they just shrug and say “it's what they were told to do”.

When there is no were for them to sit, your lap is not safe, it is free real estate 

Hates sudden loud noises. Terrified of heights, but loves piggy back rides and being carried.

Scared of the dark, hates being in complete darkness (if only they had a nightlight hmm...)

Thinks Vil is a real life barbie.

Tries to get Jamil to hold some bugs.

Is impressed by Ace’s magic tricks.

No beastman is safe, Yume wants to touch their ears, pretty please?

Hates Crowely and thinks he is a monster bc of his get up.

Both the lil nerds:

I imagine Yume would be a little intimidated by Idia bc he acts more mature then he is sometimes, but they hear him talk about video games and their eyes light up and suddenly they follow him around like a little duckling everywhere.

Idia hates it at first. And wants nothing to do with them. They make him really nervous. So he kind of just tries to ditch them all the time. But then eventually realizes that’s is very similar to how Ortho would follow him around when they were younger and is surprised that he doesn’t mind it. Yume is pretty cool to talk to and likes to listen to him talk about his favorite games and shows. They don’t look at him like he’s weird or annoying, they actually look...really happy when he starts rambling. And when they look very cute and get excited with him it makes him feel like the coolest person in the world.

He doesn’t know how to feel about that, so he tries not to think about it.

Think Idia also kinda has that older brother's instinct when he sees lil Yume trip or fall over or try to do something they're too small to do bc Yume is too stubborn.

I have a headcanon that straight up Idia can’t tie his shoes so he wears slip ons and velcro. So he got super embarrassed when his shoe came untied and he had to admit that he didn’t know how to tie them. And even more embarrassed when Yume made him sit down and easily tied them for him.

Yume is light up Skechers while Idia is velcro Skechers solidarity

When Yume finds out that Idia's hair is blue and lights up they think its the most amazing and pretty thing ever and gush about how they once had shoes that glowed in the dark too!

_(:3 」∠)_...They

[maccreadysbaby]

Make me like Deacon 🔫

ooooooooooohhhhkay?

the bottom line is, i can’t make anybody like a character, and i don’t intend or expect this post to blast through the web and change tons of minds. these are just things i can point out to maybe shift some of the ways they see him. personally, i love deacon, but i totally get if someone thinks his build is boring, or he’s a douchebag, or whatever. everyone is entitled to their own opinions and i actually couldn’t care less who likes him or not, they’re opinion doesn’t effect me. IM JUST ANSWERING MY ASKS AND BEING A GOOD LITTLE CONTENT CREATOR.

Lets Make You (maybe) Like Deacon🔫: A Rant

Let’s debunk the top three reasons everyone hates Deacon, shall we?

(these are all legit arguments i’ve heard against him)

1) He’s a liar

okay, well, i get where you’re coming from. liars ain’t fun people to hang around irl.

don’t think about it so much as “he doesn’t want to tell me the truth” and think about it more as “the truth hurts so he hides from it”

whether what we know about him is true, it’s obvious deacon has been through lots of crap. everyone in the commonwealth has. the number one way humans seem to deal with trauma, at least in the beginning, is to freaking ignore it. hide it. shove it away until it’s far enough that you forget about it for now. that’s way easier than getting help, or spilling it to someone else.

deacon is a lot of things, but one of the largest is scared. no matter what happened to him in the past, whether it was barbara or not, it clearly messed him up enough to make him insanely careful about who he trusts. plus, if he wanted to deceive you, why would he give you the recall code and then pester you about it until you look at it? if he so openly wanted to twist your mind, why would he so easily say “ah, you got me” after confronting him in a lie? why would he lie about these ridiculous, absolutely could-not-happen things instead of being cunning and using small, believable lies to build his front?

it’s because the whole thing is a wall to hide his pain, the truth of his trauma, and trauma is universal. everybody deals with it differently. playing as the sole survivor, who definitely has some canon trauma, it’s kinda hypocritical to go around murdering and killing to find your son, to ease your pain, then turn around and shame deacon for lying to try and ease his. after all, isn’t everyone in the commonwealth just trying to stop pain to some degree? why should deacon get shamed for the way he does it but not sole?

hating deacon for things sole canonically does? strike one.

2) He doesn’t have morals

okay, well, if you’ve traveled with deacon in any capacity, you’ll learn that he has very strong morals. i really dont even know how this argument can stand, but i’ll debunk it anyways.

first and most obvious is his loyalty to the railroad. if you strip deacon’s morals down to the core, it’s just “protect the innocent from those who want to harm them”. whether he’s making up for being in the deathclaws or not, he’s protecting the synths who want to live a normal, peaceful life. and if you’re thinking “yeah he protects them by MURDERING” well, yeah, but sole ends up murdering at least one or two factions at the end of each game to protect another, so… strike two.

secondly, he will leave you if you go off the rails. if he didn’t have morals, he wouldn’t. he leaves if you harm the innocent, if you murder. if you willingly attack those who don’t deserve it. and he isn’t even a jerk about it! he’s just like “our styles are opposite” and “i’ll have to fly solo again” opposed to maccready who curses at you at lowest affinity. which is also a sign of his very tangible morals.

3) He’s the same as every other dead wife man

yes, he is. but you can’t hate the character for a writers screw up. the dead wife build is a common one with bethesda. the one thing that separates him from the rest is the fact that we don’t actually know if his is true or not, but if you hold his last affinity dialogue to be true, than yes. he’s just another dead wife man running from his past. so, hate the stereotype, not the character. he didn’t ask to be a dead wife man.

in terms of him, in game — the dead wife thing is probably common in the wasteland. dead spouses and significant others would, unfortunately, be very common in a post-apocalyptic situation. as much as it sucks to come across the same bad character build every five minutes, you can’t fault them for accuracy. it would be extraordinarily easy to walk into any bar in the commonwealth and come across handfuls of people whose spouses are dead. the sole survivors spouse is dead. strike three, you’re out.

[theacecouple]

You all asked for more Dead Bedrooms, so Happy Holidays! You get more Dead Bedrooms.

You can also listen on Apple, Spotify, Our Website, or pretty much any podcast platform! Transcript below :)

Courtney: Hello everyone and welcome back. My name is Courtney, I am here with my spouse, Royce, and together we are The Ace Couple. And today we’ve got a little expedited treat for you all because, whoo boy, last week’s episode was– Uh, I wouldn’t say it was fun, but I assume at least some percentage of you got some amount of, perhaps, catharsis out of it. Perhaps we accidentally had a little bit of catharsis ourselves. But I don’t ever want to be that angry on microphone again, at least not directed at a specific person. I prefer to reserve my anger for systemic issues, for broad injustices, but I don’t ever want to be angry at one dude on microphone to that extent, ever again I’m not promising I never will be, because some dudes deserve it.

Courtney: But what that does mean for us today is that we are delving back into r/DeadBedrooms. So on this channel, once about every six months, we have been doing an r/AmItheAsshole: Asexuality Edition, and you all really, really love those. We know it, we hear it, we get your comments and your praises. But just– just a few weeks ago, we– we decided to jump into Dead Bedrooms for the very first time and you all absolutely loved it, and begged us for more. So here we are. It has not quite been six months, but I think we are gonna start putting Dead Bedrooms in our rotation and you’re getting one a little early. A little– a little holiday treat from us to you. Just don’t expect Reddit episodes to usually come this often. [sighs] So, what– What did we learn from the first time we dove into Dead Bedrooms? What was the takeaway? What was the point?

Royce: The point? I think the first part of that episode was laying out the pattern of a lot of the posts that we were seeing, [Courtney hums] which included–

Courtney: The lingo. [laughs]

Royce: Yes, the terms used, the fact that things like low libido and high libido were mentioned right in, along with gender identity and sexual orientation. And, of course, that the entire subreddit is dealing with relationship issues that revolve around a lack of sex or sexual fulfillment in a relationship.

Courtney: [hums in agreement] And a general pattern we saw was that not very favorable toward asexuality. Some posts were a little better than others, but the– the general vibe is not– not very accommodating of aces. And truly just a lot of ignorance about what asexuality actually is. I recall in our first episode actually prefacing things with, like, we in our community, we at our podcast, we as aces, know that things like asexuality and libido do not always go hand in hand, but it’s clear, by the way some of the folks here are talking about it, that when they say asexual they also mean low libido, they also mean probably sex averse in some way. So we’re going to, again, try to not nitpick language too much, because we have been down that road time and time again. If you’re a regular listener of ours, you know where we stand on that. So we’re gonna try to listen to what they mean as opposed to what they say, [breathy laugh] to the best of our ability.

Courtney: But before we get into some of our posts that we have that actually mention asexuality, there is one abbreviation that has just been bothering me ever since we did that first episode, and that is LL4u, or ‘low libido for you’. And this is something that folks use in this subreddit to say, “Oh, you know, my partner who is no longer having sex with me – and this is a major issue – isn’t low libido, just low libido for me.” I don’t even know how to articulate it, but there’s something about that just being a concept, that this is a shorthand that is known in this subreddit, in this community, that is used so often that just– it feels so wrong! There’s something fundamentally about it that my brain does not want to accept is a thing in the way that they are using it.

Royce: Well, at the very least, libido seems like the wrong word to use to describe what they’re trying to describe.

Courtney: It really does! Like perhaps there’s an amount of attraction here, like maybe– And this could be a thing where they are just across the board, consistently conflating libido with attraction. But if someone is low libido for you it’s like– I don’t think physiologically speaking…? And I don’t know, any– any high libido aces out there feel free to correct me, I am not that. I don’t have one, never have, never want one. I don’t think physiologically that your level of libido actually changes based on prospective sexual partners. At least that’s not the way I understand libido as a concept. Like you might not be attracted to individual people or you might have more attraction for one person versus another, or one gender versus another, like all the things that someone may or may not be attracted to, like there are factors at play here. But, like, chemically speaking, can your libido just plummet upon seeing a specific person? Does that happen that way? Please advise. [laughs]

Royce: That’s not how I define or use the term. Libido can change, it’s particularly one thing that’s cited as changing alongside hormonal changes.

Courtney: Sure.

Royce: But yeah, I see that as a much more chemical or biological thing than attraction. And oftentimes when libido comes up in the ace community, it is mentioned completely as an aside to the concept of attraction.

Courtney: Oh yeah, I know plenty of aces who are like, “I do have a libido, and honestly it’s frustrating because I’m not attracted to anyone. So what do I need this for?” [laughs] Or they’ll say you know, “I have a libido but I just don’t have a desire to sate that libido by involving another person. Like, masturbation is totally an acceptable option to me, 100% of the time.” Like there are aces like that out there, no doubt. But before we get into these posts, I had to google it assuming that I would– the first response would be from the subreddit and it was. But I genuinely just googled, “What is LL4u?” And I did. I found a post from about a year ago from a deleted user called “What is LL4u really?” And I was like, “Maybe this will give me insight.”

Courtney: But here’s what’s so interesting: they use a food metaphor – right? – in the post. The post is: [reading] “Is it really a case of getting sick of eating the same thing everyday. I mean I love Spaghetti Bolognese but if I had to have it every evening meal, it would probably lose some of its luster. Would it help some LL4u people if they had the occasional take out? Just a thought.” And here’s what’s so fascinating to me. We in the ace community, like we are the kings and the queens and the non-binary nobilities of food metaphors. We have taken “Cake is better than sex” and we ran with it. Cake is our biggest community symbol. Out there, the folks that don’t have as much of a sweet tooth have more recently adopted garlic bread. Like we use food so often, and we even use food as metaphors to explain things like sex neutrality. Like, “I don’t crave cake, I don’t want cake, but if someone put it in front of me I probably would even enjoy the cake. I’m just not gonna seek it out because I don’t have that desire, I don’t have that craving.” So we have so many ways that we have used food metaphors in our community. And so I see the food metaphor and I understand where it comes from in that sense.

Courtney: But the fascinating thing is, here, like, I don’t know if this is a cheating situation or if this is an agreed upon open relationship kind of a situation. Obviously one is more ethical than the other. But in my first several posts seeing this LL4u, it usually wasn’t about people who were cheaters or people who were thought to be or known to be cheaters. For the most part, it was just: you want to have sex with your partner and your partner no longer wants to have sex with you, and you’re trying to figure out what’s wrong, like have they lost their libido? Do they have a hormone issue? Are they asexual? And then a bunch of people in the comments would just be, “No, they’re probably just LL4u.” And it’s like, I kept seeing that as the justification for these reasons why a bedroom was now dead. And that LL4u is just grinding on me, because the implication was also that this bedroom hasn’t always been dead.

Courtney: At one point activities were happening. And if there’s some sort of drastic change, I don’t think your libido has only changed for that one person. So I’m struggling with the food metaphor here. But since it was posted, I wanted to see what some of the responses were and if people agreed with it, because I am clearly not a member of the Dead Bedrooms community, so I am trying to learn from those who are, and the first comment says: “That’s not logical thinking at all. I’m low libido because something about this partner relationship is killing my sex drive. So if I go sample a different partner, I’m going to learn that sex doesn’t have to be awful, boring, painful, entitled, and then I’m going back to the bad sex partner? That makes no sense.” So in this case, I still don’t think it’s low libido. I think you’re just not getting what you want, what you need, from this arrangement. But I don’t think that’s changing your libido.

Royce: The awful, boring, painful, entitled part is a whole bunch of red flags that there’s something else going on here.

Courtney: Well, especially the painful, entitled. Like, is this an abusive situation here? And you just haven’t found that word or connected that dot yet? Because from my understanding, sex should be neither of those things. Boring’s one I hear a lot. I don’t know what just awful sex is. I’m sure there are allos out there who could explain to me exactly what awful sex is. But if it’s not painful or entitled or boring like, what generally might make it awful? How’s that a different modifier than the others?

Courtney: Another comment says: “I think most people who are LL4u are in that phase because of other factors within the relationship, e.g. bad sex, loss of respect, poor emotional dynamic, loss of attraction etc.” Which still doesn’t sound like low libido to me, but does make more sense to me. One commenter said: “It’s often said that sex with the same person gets boring after a while and becomes routine. So the recommendation is to spice things up. However, if you have a partner who thinks anything other than plain vanilla is not acceptable, then things can only go downhill. Yes, I speak from experience.” That’s it– That’s another thing that just gets me so much about this subreddit was– Some of the previous posts that we saw and some of the previous comments that we saw there are just so many deeply hurt people here. [tentative laugh] And I don’t want to laugh at their actual hurt, I really do not. But at least some of the juicier, more heated posts definitely seem like just a lot of very sexually frustrated people expressing their frustration at each other.

Royce: Yeah, I definitely see a different vibe going back and forth between different threads. Some are just overtly hurt and angry, others are trying to have a more nuanced discussion. I was about to say I’m surprised at how many people who comment self identify as asexual, but here we are reading this as well, so.

Courtney: Yeah, I mean we had a poster in the last episode who is asexual and was posting for their own concerns. But here’s one that gets so much wilder when we consider what common ace theory is, or a common ace worldview. Because this poster says: “If you ask me, it means that your significant other is actually not romantically in love with you anymore. Plain and simple.” And someone challenged him a little bit, not in a mean way, but in, like, an asking a lot of questions kind of way, saying like, “Is sexual desire and romantic love one to one, synonymous to you?” Because that was my question too.

Courtney: Because we talk very often in the A-spec community about how romantic and sexual attraction are not always the same. They don’t always line up. And I so rarely see allosexual people acknowledge that, or believe that that is a possibility. In fact, there are a lot of allosexual, alloromantic people who have direct animosity at the very notion that they could be different. Especially in instances of, like, aromantic people who are allosexual. Like the stereotype for them is that, oh, they are just players, they are a fuckboy, they don’t respect the people they’re having sex with. And just horrible, awful stereotypes which, as long as everyone’s clear about what the nature of this relationship is and expectations have been set and there’s communication, there’s nothing wrong with that. But just the very possibility that you might have sex with someone you aren’t romantically attracted to is met with so much animosity. And this could be its own three hour episode, so I won’t get into it. We’ll save that for our split attraction model series that I’ve been saying for so long that we need to do, but we need to do it right.

Courtney: But the original commenter here specifies: “To be more specific, I believe someone can be LL – low libido – due to whatever reason, like asexuality, trauma, hormones etc.” I super don’t love that. Those three were the things that were all just, like, put together like that. [resumes reading] “But they can be low libido for any of those reasons and romantically in love with their significant other. But being low libido for you means that someone is sexually interested in general but not in their partner. And yes, to me that clearly proves that they are not romantically in love.” And it ends that thought with: “Because for someone who isn’t low libido in general, romantic love contains being sexually attracted to someone. It’s not synonymous, but one is the subset of the other.” So that’s kind of like saying for the most part, only asexual people have split attraction, or only people who are otherwise, you know, messed up. If you have a medical issue or trauma or you’re ace, then maybe your attraction can be split, but otherwise nah.

Royce: Yeah, the human condition is just more fluid than that. I think that in a lot of relationships, even ones that don’t get to the dead bedroom state, that romance and sexual activity or attraction will often fluctuate just as you go through life changes to some degree. How much content is there on allo relationships who are going through a slump for some period of time?

Courtney: I mean that’s basically the running joke in like every sitcom from the 90s or earlier, right? So yeah, I mean, I don’t know that one was just bothering me so much that I had to try to understand that one more. So I still reject the idea that this is literally about libido. But I at least think I have a little bit of a clear idea of “this is someone who has a libido but does not want to have sex with their partner, and maybe it’s their partner’s fault,” probably on a case to case basis there.

Royce: Okay, so this post is titled: “My fiance just realized he was asexual today.”

Courtney: Just today? Spontaneously?

Royce: I don’t know how spontaneously, but apparently the first thing to do after hearing of that is to make a post to dead bedrooms.

Courtney: Yikes. Yeah, if it was literally just today and you’ve now gone off to make a post here, I feel like…

Royce: We’ll see. I haven’t– I haven’t read this one, so I don’t know how much animosity is going to be in this post, but it is tagged ‘seeking advice’.

Courtney: Okay, I don’t know if this is the best place to get advice. I would strongly advise anybody who has a significant other who comes out as asexual to first have extensive conversations and do what you can to try to support them through that. But then maybe, maybe seek counsel from aces and not a community that is often hostile to them. But we’ll see. I will reserve judgment until we see what the post and responses are.

Royce: [reading] “Hi, I’m new, and I’m sorry if this isn’t coherent- my mind is a spinny blur, and I just feel small, helpless, and isolated. I (37f demisexual, high libido) had a conversation with my fiancé (42m very low libido)–”

Courtney: So this is a demi also. So at least knows some amount of the A-spectrum. Fascinating.

Royce: Most likely yes. [resumes reading] “– today about how sex has just not been working for me lately- and how I’d like to try to work through it together. We’ve been together for nine years, and aside from sexually, we are very happy and committed to each other.” That is a running theme on a lot of these posts: we are happy except for the sex part.

Courtney: And the sex part is emphasized so heavily that I fundamentally cannot understand it.

Royce: [keeps reading] “Own a house together, have shared friends and interests- the sticking point is sex.

Royce: Through the course of things he said “well, I just never have any interest in sex. So I don’t know what to do.” – That part was in quotes – “And I don’t know, the inflection of the way he said it just made me like, have an epiphany? So I asked if he meant never, as in literally never in his life, like an asexual person, or never as in, he’s been stressed and/or not confident in his body? And he gave me a blank face and said he didn’t know. He doesn’t know anything about asexual people. But he’s been waiting for sex to “click” and make sense this whole time.” Which– that is interesting, if they are just having this question and epiphany now, nine years into the relationship.

Courtney: And if she’s demisexual, and he’s saying he doesn’t know anything about asexuality, does he know she’s demi??

Royce: Let’s keep going. Op continues with: [resumes reading] “You guys. I’m communicative as anything. If he’s asexual, that is what it is, and we’ll try to figure out what that means. But like. How did he never make that– How did he never make clear that his low libido was absolute sexual disinterest? He loves cuddling and kissing- but nothing else really- and he’s known this the entire fucking time. I had no idea. Honestly I thought his low libido was caused by the medication he’s on. He’s acted quite convincingly that he enjoyed things. And I feel defrauded, and lied to.”

Royce: [still reading] “Here I was thinking that my life was pretty great- we just needed to get on the same page with our sexual preferences/kinks/desires- and agree on the level of frequency- and we’d be the happiest people we know. We’re going to keep talking about it, so hopefully it’s not actually a relationship ending thing, but my head hurts from crying. I feel rejected and robbed of the life I was led to believe I’d have. I’m confused and can’t talk to any friends about it yet because I don’t want to out him. I’m scared that I’m never going to get to enjoy my body with someone else without imploding my stable, secure, otherwise happy life. We’re supposed to be getting married in six months. Just, any help, please. Therapists or counselors online or in” – the area of the country that they’re in – “articles, other corners of Reddit where this would get guidance, tea and sympathy, anything. Thank you so much.”

Courtney: I gotta say I cringed at the defrauded word.

Royce: Yeah.

Courtney: Oh I– Ugh. We did our episode on marriage consummation laws, and fraud as a justifiable reason to annul a marriage and the precedence that asexuality could play into that... I don’t love that word. I really, really do not. I also feel like I need more information, because part of that, “I feel defrauded and cheated and lied to,” was like he seemed to be enjoying some of the things and it’s like, maybe he was?

Courtney: I don’t know, maybe he hasn’t been and that was explicitly stated, but maybe it was just because this was posted in such a haze of emotion and maybe it was just done very quickly and sloppily, but there are elements of this here where I’m like, yes, you are a demisexual person, but are you in community with a lot of other aces and demis?

Courtney: Because you, as the poster, seem to be either missing details or missing nuances of the orientation itself. And I don’t know, is it– Is it unfair to be like, how could he not know this? Why did it take him so long to realize this? Like– So, I personally have met people who did not come out as asexual until they were over 70 years old. Because they did not have the language for it. They met me, they saw me talk about asexuality, we developed a friendship, and then they confided in me that they are, in fact, asexual. And the things I was sharing were things they felt their entire life. But they– it was indistinguishable from, you know, heterosexual or homosexual, because they just didn’t know there was a word or an option for something other than those two.

Courtney: And so, like, is it really unfair, to be like, “I’ve been with this person for nine years. How did they not know?!” Because everyone’s on their own timeline, you know?

Royce: And a lot of times you have to get to a point where you see a very direct contradiction or comparison to something that you feel very personally and intimately, and it’s not that difficult to go a long time not – you know – encountering that information or having those conversations. The thing that stood out, in comparison to that, most to me was the OP mentioning how communicative they are. Because, yeah, they may talk a lot, but apparently they haven’t had this conversation, at least in extreme detail, until this point in their relationship, which can happen.

Courtney: It can. It’s– Was there anything in there? Did I just miss it? Was there anything that actually said that he does not want to have sex anymore? Because I feel like I didn’t get that. Did he actually say or imply that at any point? Because the way it’s posted, the way she’s talking, is like, “We were supposed to get married, but now my whole future, I’m grieving for it because it’s not going to be what I thought.” But they seem to, at least on occasion, be having sex now. So is he actually saying he wants to stop doing that? Or is this a situation where OP might actually be grieving the feeling of being desired as opposed to the actual act of sex? Because those are two different things in my experience.

Royce: I think that’s a reasonable impression. One quote from him was, “Well, I just never have any interest in sex, so I don’t know what to do,” which I think it’s reasonable to say that the implication of that is that he is not initiating anything. And she mentions that there have been times when he’s said or at least acted like he’s enjoyed things, and that they just aren’t on the same page about their preferences, kinks and desires, so. And the level of frequency is another one that’s brought up. She self-identifies as having a high libido, compared to his at the very least, which she says is very low, so it could be that the relationship that she wants isn’t one where she is having to initiate things. That’s possible, it’s not explicitly stated.

Courtney: Because that’s something that I know I have had in past relationships and other aces have had in past relationships. Where even if there’s a situation where an asexual person is in a mixed orientation relationship with an allo person, and the allosexual person does want sexual activities, and even if the ace is okay with that, to varying degrees – whether they’re sex favorable, sex neutral, whatever that is – there are some instances where that is still not enough for the allo person. Because I have seen allos react with outright hostility to aces, not because they won’t have sex with them, but because they don’t want sex with them or they don’t want it enough, or they don’t feel attracted, or they don’t feel– they don’t feel attractive, they don’t feel desired. And I really struggle to view that in any way other than some form of potentially insecurity. Potentially we can chalk it up to something else. But I genuinely do not think that if that is a tension in the relationship where sex can be negotiated, it can be enjoyed, but the allo person is upset that the ace isn’t actually attracted to them, the ace is not going to change. That is not something that can be changed.

Courtney: So if that is going to be an issue for the allo person, that is something that they need to work on. And they need to figure out why this is such an issue and why they feel this way, and if this is coming from insecurity, if it’s coming from any of these other things.

Courtney: I was a little caught off guard when OP here was like, “Oh, is it because of your body? Are you insecure?” It’s like– I don’t want to imply that in the situation I’m describing that all allos are, like, insecure in their own bodies, but I know from personal past relationships– I have had previous partners who are like, “Why aren’t you more attracted to me?” And it’s like, “I am literally as attracted to you as I could be to any other human that exists.” And they’re like, “But I want to be uniquely attractive to you!” And it’s like, you are! You’re the one I’m in a relationship with right now. I don’t know what more you want from me.

Royce: Yeah, I read that passage as OP just sort of grasping at straws to come up with a reason for their partner’s – what they describe as – low libido.

Courtney: Which is fascinating, because if OP did not self-identify as demisexual, if a like fully allo person was saying this, I would probably say that’s a little acephobic, like why are you trying to find the reason for this? Some people just are this way.

Royce: And I think that was coming– I think at that point, when she was going through this, she was operating under the assumption that her partner was allo, and this is where it clicked of “Wait, you mean like ever?” Like, this isn’t a temporal thing.

Courtney: Right, right. So yeah, I don’t know, this is interesting. This is why I have said before that I try not to be the advice giving type, especially like unsolicited advice. And clearly OP here is asking for advice. But I never feel comfortable giving advice unless it’s someone I know very well or I know their situation very, very well. And probably if there can be a conversation about it, because look at how many questions I am asking OP that I’m never going to get an answer to. Like, I would need to have a full on conversation with someone if they were seeking my counsel, because I need more information in order to give more information.

Royce: Well, look at how many conversations have come up for the two of them just now that I’ve prompted this post. It sounds like the two of them need to have a much more in depth conversation, but I was holding onto something. Let me go back to one of the last points that you made.

Royce: You were talking about an issue that comes up oftentimes in ace-allo relationships within the– The problem that arises from a need to feel desired or something of that nature. And I don’t think it is off-base in saying that that can often manifest in very significant feelings of insecurity. But I do think that there is also some amount of– If I use the word sexual orientation, I’m kind of stretching that term a little bit. I’m having trouble finding the right word, but the way that a person’s sexuality manifests – which would include their kinks and things like that – if someone is, you know, I guess, more submissively aligned and a big part of what they get out of sex is that feeling of being wanted or desired, that could be a big part of what sex is for them and it could represent an incompatibility of some kind. It’s something that could potentially be talked through, worked around, you could potentially find an angle for. But I could also see some people saying that like this is– this is something I actually need to feel satisfied in that area of my life.

Courtney: But what I want to know is how does one reconcile it with all of these posts? Because we’ve seen the pattern of like, “We are the happiest people in the world except for sex.” And it’s like–

Royce: I mean, I mean my knee jerk reaction is that that is an overstatement.

Courtney: [Thoughtful sound] So you’re just going to say that, huh? You’re just going to say what we’re all thinking, just– just like that. [laughs]

Royce: One of the things we’ve mentioned before is – that we see a lot in relationships – a lot of things get piled on to sex as the one thing that is going to make or break a relationship. And sometimes that is done in a way that I don’t think appropriately, like, summarizes the relationship as a whole. [Courtney agrees] Like, if you have so many things going on in your life that you don’t have time to spend with each other doing, like, meaningful activities, then sex becomes that activity. If you aren’t getting affection in other ways, then sex becomes the way that you’re getting affection. And it’s– A lot gets piled onto it, and that’s how you end up with, you know, entire industries of sex counseling as a form of relationship counseling, [Courtney agrees and laughs] when there might be other avenues to figuring out what’s going on.

Courtney: Yeah, I do think, just because what you were saying with sex sort of being the all-encompassing thing, that could also be a need that could theoretically be met another way. You mentioned affection, like well, if sex is the way you’re receiving that affection – and I know not every couple’s like this, this is definitely just a personal anecdote of mine – but like, I am incredibly romantic for someone who is actually identifying as demiromantic, on the on the aro spectrum. My gestures and gifts– I have always been a very, very romantic person. And I would put a lot of time and thought into– into these acts of romance. And I always wanted to make sure that my partner felt desired. And in fact you’ve made that very difficult for me, Royce, because you don’t like things. [laughs] I was like, “Let me get you gifts!” And you’re like, “No, absolutely not, I refuse.”

Courtney: But like in past relationships, like that was a thing I would do and then to, then, have a partner be like, “But I feel like you just don’t, you don’t desire me enough.” and it’s like– [sighs] I’m sorry it is not in– in the way that you want it, and I am sorry that this is all coming from an incredibly low self-esteem and a poor body image that you have of yourself, but I genuinely– I cannot develop sexual attraction for you. That is not how I am wired. It is not going to happen. So I fully understand that I’m reading this under my own lens there. But yeah, interesting post.

Courtney: But what are some of the comments? I guess also to your point of it being perhaps overstated that sex is our only issue. We’ve absolutely had friends in the past that would claim to have a really good relationship, really healthy, their relationship is almost perfect, but then we’d also get together to hang out and they’d talk about how they had a screaming match earlier in the day. And we were like, “Oh, that’s a thing you do?” [laughs]

Royce: Yeah, they just casually throw out something toxic, as if everyone does it.

Courtney: Yes! This is why we aren’t friends with straight people anymore. [laughs] I don’t think we have a single straight friend anymore. At least not a straight couple. We might have one or two individual straight people that are cool.

Royce: If, instead of saying straight, you say like heteronormative or non-queer.

Courtney: Yeah.

Royce: Like there might be people with gender identities that don’t fit into the binary who might still describe themselves as hetero, just out of habit or because they don’t have a better word.

Courtney: Right. We don’t have any non-queer couple friends anymore. [laughs] Because they do really just be out here throwing out very toxic things and being like, “We have a great marriage, we have a wonderful relationship.” And we’re like, “Mm?”

Royce: So the comments here. This post doesn’t have a ton of them. There are a few back and forth. Some are like: postpone the marriage, figure this out first. There’s one that was like: “Blessing in disguise. Don’t marry into a dead bedroom, go elsewhere.”

Courtney: No! Are you kidding me?!

Royce: There are a couple of posts being like, “You’re looking for other places. Go check out asexuality subreddits and see what you can learn there.”

Courtney: Yeah. Yes, I’m actually glad that that was a bit of advice that was pointed out. I’m pleasantly surprised. Less so with the blessing in disguise. Give me a break! That is what I have come to expect from this subreddit, though.

Royce: And from what I can tell, OP seems to be going through and responding to a lot of posts and just trying to take it all in. She does say at one point, “Someone mentions that it sounds like he genuinely didn’t know and could be just in the questioning phase of understanding himself.”

Courtney: That’s what I was wondering, like, was it mean to be like, “How did he not know?”

Royce: And she does say, “I agree that’s the best outlook to take right now. And yes, he’s been doing a lot of introspection in the last year or so. He’s just not terribly fluent or practiced in doing so yet.”

Courtney: Yeah, like I said before, we’re all on our own timelines. I hope they’re doing okay. We need a– We need a “Where are they now?” for Reddit posts.

Royce: This post was three months ago, by the way.

Courtney: Oh man, so we’re one month to the wedding, unless it got postponed?

Royce: Halfway there, it was six months out.

Courtney: Six months. Okay, I don’t know why I had four in my head.

Courtney: So this one. We gave up on r/AreTheStraightsOkay, because there were so many just like very visual memes that were just not good for a podcast format. But I did find one post on Dead Bedrooms. That was just a meme, but some of the comments just absolutely have me face-palming.

Courtney: It’s entitled, “Sex really isn’t that important in a relationship,” and it’s a picture of a couple – I don’t know what this is from – appears to be a man and a woman. The woman is saying, “Sex really isn’t that important in a relationship, to be honest.” And then a close-up of the man’s face, and the commentary is: “I’ve never seen a bigger cry for help in a man’s eyes.” And we’ll have a link to this in the show notes if you want to actually see what the picture is. But oh, my word. Some of the comments: [exaggerated voice] “But suddenly becomes the most important thing in life the moment that guy sleeps with anyone else!” And the same person said, “Sex is like money. Money is not everything, not having money is. Same with sex. Sex is not everything, not having it is.” As someone who is a no libido, borderline sex-repulsed asexual who has been in severe poverty for large swaths of my life, and no longer is: absolutely fuck that analogy.

Courtney: Then we had a really unfortunate sort of just conversation back and forth in the comments where someone says, “But it’s true… if you are asexual, I guess.” And someone comes in and tries to do the Ace 101 kind of a thing. Saying like, “This is actually a common misconception. There are asexual people who have sexual desires. There are also sexual people without sexual desires. Asexual people find no one hot. If you’re wondering why a person would have sex with someone they don’t find hot, most people who have sex with their hand don’t find their hand hot.” And some– some– some jerk was pulling quotes like, “There are asexual people who have sexual desires,” saying, “By definition not asexual.” Which isn’t true, we know that. But someone comes in and tries to say, “Asexuality is considered to be a sexuality wherein one doesn’t experience sexual attraction. Asexual people can get horny and enjoy sex, but they won’t be sexually attracted to their partners or be turned on by their bodies, pleasing them etc.” And then people just argue about language, because then that poster who came in with the ace spiel says, “I try not to use sexual attraction because so many people think sexual attraction equals want to have sex with.” And a few people are like, “Well, that– that’s less good language, that that is more confusing.” And the final say is that poster saying, “Asexual people do not find people hot. Sexual people do find people hot. It’s not about whether or not they want to have sex.”

Courtney: And I have been getting increasingly more frustrated with that definition and delineation. Just because – for as much as like we’re giving grace even in this episode, saying, you know, for some people, like, this is a manifestation of their sexuality, this is something that is important for those people, I understand that not all aces have the same experience I do, and I give space for that – but not having a libido, not wanting to engage in sexual activity, that actually is a fundamental component of the way my asexuality manifests. And I’m not going to say that people in different areas of the a-spectrum are less ace than me. I’m not going to say they’re not asexual because I don’t believe those things. But there is such a hard line push – especially as of the last, like, six years I think I’ve really, really seen it ramp up – where it’s all about attraction, not action. It’s just attraction, not action. And that’s something I hear and see all the time. Every single day. And a lot of sex favorable aces will say, “Well, we have to use this language because otherwise you’re invalidating my asexuality.” And it’s like you’re kind of now invalidating my asexuality because this is a fundamental way that mine manifests. And if I’m giving space for your area of the spectrum, can you please also give space for my area?

Royce: I think people are just going to have to accept that there isn’t going to be one simple, like, singular sentence definition of asexuality–

Courtney: No.

Royce: That just encompasses the entire A-ace spectrum. Because I’ve been thinking about this and I am not aware of any other orientation that has, for example, the depth of micro labels that asexuality has, and– or, you know, broader a-spec I should say. I use those two terms interchangeably a lot. I know not everyone does that.

Courtney: Well, we’ll talk about this in a future episode. But the fact that ace no longer means ace and aro people is fascinating to me. Because a lot of people, when we originally started using the shorthand for ace, it was like the full ace community, because we didn’t want to just be saying asexual the whole time. So it was like A is being shortened to ace for both ace and aro. And now a lot of people have completely forgotten that that is how a lot of people used to use it. And now people are saying a-spec for the a-spectrum, for ace and aro spectrums, and to me that is so much clunkier than saying ace.

Royce: It is- That’s–

Courtney: So sometimes I’ll still say ace, just because that’s the language that I came up into this community in, to mean both. And now people say, like, “If you’re saying ace but you mean a-spec, that’s erasing aros.” And it’s like my language originally did accommodate aros and we just forgot about that!

Royce: Yeah, in personal life, off the microphone, I never say a-spec. Pretty much I say ace to mean ace-spec. Because ace-spec is a clumsy, two syllable word that’s harder for me to say.

Courtney: Yes.

Royce: But what I was getting to was when I look at all sexual orientations – straight, gay, bi, pan – they’re all very well-defined and have a lot of community and a lot of history. And of course, ace people have been here forever but it’s been so hard to connect, because you have to have a lot of very open, vulnerable, personal conversations. So I feel like the ace community is fairly young because it kind of relied on something like the internet to bring enough people together to have these conversations. But what happened is you found all of these different, varied experiences that aren’t gay, straight, bi, pan, and sometimes they are vastly different experiences.

Courtney: [Agrees]. Yeah, we– You know, in addition to our split attraction model series that we’ve been planning, we want a series of just episodes on language, [laughs] because we’ve got a lot of thoughts on language. Because, at the end of the day, really what I care about the most is that the people I’m communicating with can understand me, and so, to a certain extent, if you’re speaking to an individual person, your language is going to change and there are complicated nuances with that. Sometimes it’s something like code switching. Sometimes in a neurodivergent lens, that’s something like masking. But sometimes it’s genuinely just: we come from two very different places, what is the lowest common denominator for the language that we can use and still understand at least the most important elements of what we’re trying to convey to one another?

Courtney: And so, like, honestly, yeah, with a-spec, the thing is, I have started occasionally using that – either on microphone or sometimes in tweets and things – and that is just because that seems to be the direction that our individual community is saying. But I will only say that word if I’m addressing the community. If I’m trying to address a larger audience, or allo people, or non-a-spec people, I won’t use the phrase a-spec. Because they don’t know it. They do not.

Royce: Okay, I think this will be the last one for today. This one is simply titled “Broke Up With my Asexual Girlfriend.”

Courtney: Oh boy.

Royce: And it reads: “I loved her a lot. I really did. I felt like she was perfect for me in every way.” Going back to that…

Courtney: Except… sex!

Royce: [resumes reading] “Except one. [Courtney laughs] She was asexual. We dated for a little over four months. In that time I fell for her, hard. But two months into the relationship she admitted that she thinks she might be asexual as she finds the idea of sex and kissing to be repulsive. I tried to make it work for the remaining two months but I was slowly starting to resent her more and more, and I knew it would never stop. I really wanted it to work. But I’m a man with needs [Courtney hums disapprovingly] that she wasn’t capable of fulfilling, and I didn’t want to guilt or force her into doing something she didn’t want to do.

Royce: I broke up with her earlier today. I’m pretty sad about the whole thing but I know it was the right thing for both of us. Reading some of the posts here acted as the final nail in the metaphorical coffin for me. I didn’t want to end up like the unfortunate souls on this subreddit.”

Courtney: Oh no!

Royce: [keeps reading] “I thought I could do without sex, but I never really realized how damn important it was to be sexually desired in a relationship until recently.”

Courtney: Mmh… There’s that word again.

Royce: Yep. [continues reading] “It’s so goddamn important. I stopped working out in part because – quote – “what’s the point if the one person that’s allowed to see it doesn’t care?“.”

Courtney: Oh boy.

Royce: [keeps reading] “I did my first day back today and it felt good.” – I assumed that is at the gym – “II’m ready to clean myself back up and jump back into the dating game and put myself out there and find somebody new. I just want to say I don’t resent her for any of this. She was a really kind-hearted person and I wish her the best, we were just fundamentally incompatible at the end of the day and it never would have worked. I wish her the best and hope she finds happiness.”

Royce: So that was a collection of a few things we’ve talked about. One thing I wanted to mention that I’ve just always been aware of, and never really understood, is the “I’m going to exercise or diet purely to date.”

Courtney: Yeah!

Royce: Not for myself.

Courtney: Not for health.

Royce: I’m just going to do that to try to find someone during that dating phase.

Courtney: Yeah. I also– because he’s also saying like, “Man, my first day back at the gym and it felt good.”

Royce: Yes.

Courtney: Like if you like exercising, why did you stop? Liking exercise is a gift. Exercise sucks! [laughs] No, I’m with you on that. I don’t understand that. Just the loaded language in that post, though. Like, “I didn’t want to end up like the unfortunate souls here.” It sounds so melodramatic.

Royce: Yeah. As a post that was just, “Hey, here’s what happened,” and not asking for advice or anything, it’s also interesting that this person made a decision because apparently they were lurking on Dead Bedrooms.

Courtney: I don’t think I like that either. Because, like, it wasn’t that long of a relationship, so it’s not like, you know, there was a level of commitment that’s like years into this relationship, or a marriage, or a betrothment. So like, it was still technically early stages, that’s fine. But I genuinely– Like, you made a decision to break up with someone that you yourself are saying you really care about, because of what you are reading strangers say on the internet? And not out of conversations with that partner? I don’t know, that’s– Just the very concept of that is something I don’t understand.

Royce: Yeah, I don’t know what conversations they had in the relationship. Reading through some comments and seeing OP comment on a couple of things, they didn’t give their ages but they did imply that they were pretty young, and it had only been together for four months. So if they had a conversation and kind of outlined what they want or are looking for in a relationship, it seems perfectly reasonable for them both to be like, “Okay, this isn’t it,” and go on. Kind of a thing.

Courtney: Right. But, man… “The final nail in the coffin was reading about all you poor souls on this subreddit.” [laughs]

Royce: There is a comment that just says, “I’m glad that this graveyard of dead relationships saved one more soul.”

Courtney: No! That’s terrible! [emphatically] Graveyard of dead relationships.

Royce: Yeah, that was an old post. That one was actually– That one was five years ago. But it was very dense in a lot of the language that we’ve been talking about or seeing throughout.

Courtney: Well, I wish the best for his asexual ex-girlfriend. May he remember her fondly as the one who got away. [laughs] She’s probably too good for him. [laughs] I am just headcanoning this asexual girlfriend as, you know, the most gorgeous, beautiful person inside and out. That’s nonsense and I know it.

Courtney: You know, last time we did a Dead Bedrooms episode, we were talking to our friend Satan and they had a brilliant idea about what would be a better Dead Bedrooms concept than people in relationships who don’t have enough sex anymore. The concept they put forth was untouched photographs of the bedroom of people who died, like just how they died. This is what their bedroom looked like when they died. And I think that’s fascinating. I think it is a subversion of amatonormativity. I think it’s provocative, it’s enriching, it’s conceptually brilliant. I want someone to take this on as a project. I want this to be a coffee table book that we can put on our coffee table that is just pages of literal dead bedrooms. And then you can just pour over them for hours, fantasizing and wondering about the lives of these poor deceased souls. [emphatically] Who were they? What kind of life did they live? What will my bedroom look like when I inevitably die?

Royce: How many of them died before getting the chance to clean up their bedrooms before the photos were taken?

Courtney: Exactly! That’s the fascinating part! You can learn so much about a person. Was their bedroom spotless? Was it messy, as if they weren’t expecting visitors? Was it covered in medical supplies because they were aware that the death was imminent? There are so many possibilities. How old were they? How did they decorate? Did they die away from the home? Was their bed made? Did they die in the bed? The possibilities, they are endless. I am so much more intrigued by this concept of a dead bedroom than I am people griping about not having enough sex.

Courtney: So if any brilliant ace photographers out there– I myself am an artist, I am a professional, award-winning artist, if we’re being technical here, but I’m not a photographer. Taking photographs tends to irritate me. At least if it’s for social media. I gave up on Instagram a long time ago because – ugh – “I made a thing, now I have to take a picture of it to put on Instagram.” I hated it! Absolutely hated it. So if there are any already renowned ace photographers out there who are interested in making this dream come to fruition, do reach out. Let’s make it happen. But until then, thank you all so very much for being here. And we will talk to you all next time. Goodbye.

[judesmoonbeauty]

Yves Kloss - Act 2 Ch. 11 - Dramatic Summary

Fan translation only. Not 100% accurate. Please expect grammatical errors. Cybird owns everything. Feel free to re-blog, but please do NOT post my translations elsewhere. Also, feel free to ignore my random commentary. I know this Master List is delayed, but eh, it was my first translation project, and I had no idea of what I was doing.

Please note: Only his common route and Dramatic route are translated/summarized.

Alt translations are marked as ///

T/L notes are notated at the bottom of the post with***

???: “Since you have sublimated into a rose that will not wither then you must’ve known a very strong love”.***

???: “But love is a curse that drives people crazy. The stronger it is the more it becomes a poison that eats away at you.”

???: “Jealousy, possessiveness, fear, madness, love is never just a beautiful emotion.”

Emma (inner thoughts): I suddenly remember the words someone uttered to me in a dream. I understand their meaning, but when I met Yves I learned so much about love, and I would protect him with my life. I don’t think this love is a curse for me, and I can’t imagine being unhappy with this love. 

Emma returns to obsidian palace without incident and reports to the princes what happened. Leon -the ever valiant hero- decides to go get Yves. He says that Chev can remain at the palace as the ambassador in the meantime. 

Chev chimes in and says that he isn’t going to be told what to do. Ragna then offers to show Leon the way to Yves. Emma asks Leon to let her come. She’s been taught how to defend herself and doesn’t want to sit still and look pretty. 

Leon agrees so long as she promises not to do anything brash. Since they can’t leave a right then and there he tells her go change. As she’s getting ready she notices how terrible she looks, and as soon she starts feeling down she holds the earring again. She chants to herself that they are going to save Yves and after slapping her cheeks, she leaves the room. 

In the corridor the sound of her footsteps are met with a resounding “CLUNK”. 

Gil: Good evening, little rabbit.

*FLASHBACK*

After Yves and Emma split from each other Yves drove a separate carriage alone to intercept Horst at an abandoned  village he usually stops by on his way back home. He touches the plait Emma braided for him to have courage. He stops the carriage when he notices how eerily silent the peddlers street that he’s traveling down is. Soon the carriage is shot at by flying arrows and a swarm of men carrying weapons emerge from the shadows of the buildings. When Yves tries to escape with the carriage, there is a huge flash of light. 

*FLASH BACK ENDS*

Gil asks Emma if she’s going out. Emma has many questions for him, but chooses to make Yves priority. She says yes and excuses herself. As she walks past him he gently picks up her hair to look at her earring. He asks her if she has anything she wants to ask him.

Though perturbed by his ability to seemingly read her thoughts, she makes up her mind to ask if he has anything to do with Horst and company’s actions? Gil asks her what she thinks. 

She says at first she thought so, but Horst’s actions were that to assassinate them. However, now that Tanzanite, Achroite and Ruby are forming an alliance Gilbert wants to avoid as much trouble as possible. Killing Yves though he hates him wouldn’t make any sense. Gil says that if she knows that much, then why ask?

Emma recalls Gil’s words when he hurled his cane to Yves neck - “I don’t do favors for people I don’t like”. Em wonders what triggered him to say those words. Gil seems to read her mind again. He says that it wasn’t intentional just that he let his words slip because her king put him in a bad mood. 

Emma reason’s within herself that Gilbert did speak those words intentionally because he didn’t want to take the trouble to kill Yves himself, so he incited Horst to do it with those words. He is determined to kill the last member of the Kloss family without directly doing so. 

Gil: Shouldn’t you hurry?

He asks her while smiling.

Emma: “What?”

Gil: “If they didn’t get him the first time, they’ll get him the second time. I hope you make it.” 

She leaves him running.

***Sublimated- to change form, but not essence. It is another term for sublime. Azel is stating that because she has achieved the highest sense of her love, it’s like a rose that won’t wither.

[Previous] [Next]

[mephinomaly]

[TL] BIOHAZARD/Chapter 7

[ This post uses Ois~su ♪ ]

Time: A little over an hour later

Location: In the underground livehouse in the shopping district by Yumenosaki

Kaoru: Welcome in~♪

Koga: ...

Kaoru: Oh? It’s a regular.

Back already? You know, I shouldn’t say this as an employee, but if you keep coming to dodgy places like this, your parents will start to worry~.

Well, whatever. It’s your decision, just don’t sue us when something bad happens, ‘kay?

Koga: Shut up, stop talkin’ t’me like we’re friends. You’re just an employee.

Keito: Do you know Hakaze, Oogami?

Koga: Hakaze? No, don’t know him. You two friends or somethin’?

Keito: No, but we are in the same class. He’s a notorious slacker, and everytime I see him I end up lecturing him about the importance of coming to school.

Kaoru: Ugh, glasses guy’s here too.

Keito: That’s not my name.

Kaoru: Sooorryyyy~, I have a policy of not remembering the name of guys since I’m not interested in them ♪

Anyway… I thought you had a unique face but hmm– oh yeah, you guys were on stage the other day.

You’re friends with Sakuma-san. That’s why you were told to come out here, right?

Keito: …I wouldn’t say we’re friends.

Koga: Huh~? We’re friends on paper, ‘cos we’re a part of Deadmanz~♪

Koga: Grraaaa! I’m pissed~!

There’s so much goin’ on but I can’t even open my own mouth t’speak~! I’m gonna lose it!

Kaoru: O-Oiii~ Koga-kun? Hm, you probably can’t hear me, can you?

Koga: ? Was that, is that you Hakaze-senpai? Where are you?

Kaoru: I’m right here in front of you… Wait, Koga-kun, is that your voice?

Koga: Who else would it be.

Kaoru: Fufu. There’s quite a lot of people here, so why don’t we go talk in the back?

This time, the client is me or more like, this livehouse I work in.

Do you think you guys could help me out with something—

Koga: Oi! So you actually can’t hear me? You’re just gonna ignore me ‘n keep talkin’!?

Kaoru: ...Ohhh~, so that’s what’s happening.

Koga-kun, Koga-kun. Calm down. I think I get it now.

Koga: Huh?

Kaoru: I think that maybe… we’re in some ghost-like state.

Koga: We’re ghosts? But I don’t remember dyin’— Ohhh, not like that?

Kaoru: Mhm. You act like a moron that doesn’t think about anything, but you’re surprisingly quick to catch on, Koga-kun.

Koga: ’Cos I’m always surrounded by people I don’t get. I’ve been able t’train my brain to understand ‘em.

Kaoru: I see, that makes sense ♪

Koga: So we’re dreaming like this ‘cos of the experiment.

In my dream, it was about the past. I’ve somehow been able t’stay semi-conscious.

Kaoru: That’s called lucid dreaming. On top of that, it seems we’re able to still talk to each other.

We can’t interfere with these dreams, but we can still talk from the sidelines.

Like I said earlier, we’ve been ‘turned into ghosts’.

Koga: Hn, that’s a pretty easy explanation to understand.

Ghosts ‘n dead people can’t interfere with reality.

We’ve actually become ‘deadmanz’. Ironic, ain’t it?

Kaoru: This is such a weird experience that I’m starting to enjoy myself.

Koga: Damn, you’re bein’ so positive, happy bastard.

Kaoru: You only live once, so I might as well have a little fun ♪

Well, I can’t say for sure if this’ll be any actual fun yet but…

Hey, Koga-kun. Am I misremembering?

At this time I wasn’t really interested in much so I took a step back, so that might be why I don’t remember a lot about this?

Koga: Huuh? Whaddya mean?

Kaoru: We’re supposed to be reminiscing on the past, right?...Unless I’m remembering wrong, I don’t recall anything like this happening.

I mean, this is basically how it went but, there’s things here that didn’t.

Koga: Huh? But this is what happened. I went t’the livehouse with Hasumi-senpai and–

Ah, you’re right. I don’t feel like I met you then.

I found out you was the manager of the livehouse later on–

Kaoru: Uhuh. They're only small, but there’s a lot of disparities.

Hm, I wonder what they’re trying to show us…?

[ ☆ ]

Chapter 6

Chapter 8