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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
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no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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to moving forward
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art#yuji itadori#gojo satoru#fushiguro megumi#nobara kugisaki#itadori yuuji#megumi fushiguro#jjk spoilers#satoru gojo#jjk manga spoilers#hina.comic#before any1 says anything i KNOw his birthday is in december ik ik ik this is just 2 show some post-battle bonding after the trauma#its winter in canon n megumi's birthday has passed and he spent it being piloted like a mech so they need to celebrate Now!!#also this was technically a request lmao anon wanted megumi birthday angst hehehehhe i hope u like it <3 bc it KILLED ME DEAD#im going to collapse remember when i said this wasnt harder than the hydrangeas im having second thoughts#page 8 made me want to bash my head in#could have stuck with one flashback image could have left them monochrome could have done literally anything 2 ease the workload#but noooo the chronic overachiever in me would not allow it#rule of threes i had to include all of them and they Had to be in colour it wouldn't have hit the same if i had kept it monochrome#i needed it to look how childhood memories look i needed it to look oversaturated and hazy and fond but unmistakably Gone#it may have killed me but im so proud of this rn like from an art style perspective these megumis and yuujis r top tier by my standards#personal favourites r the first and last panel of crying megumi like not 2 pat myself on th back but expression?????? hello??????#enjoy your cake megumi you've earned it <333 sorry fr hurting ur feelings it will happen again#oh my god i can sleep tonight bless <333 and i met my 3 day deadline NICE im so good at what i do
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A minute ago you were ready to slit her throat. Yeah, well, her mother can't have her.
#agatha all along#agathaallalongedit#agathario#agatharioedit#agatha harkness#rio vidal#marvel#agatha all along spoilers#myedit#theyre so in love its kinda crazy#it really went from i need you dead to this in 5 eps lol
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does anyone have like an anti aesthetic. like something you look at and can recognize as a complete fashion/interior design/artistic movement and understand it but it makes you shudder seeing it. i am not talking like “its morally bad” “its poorly structured” like just sheerly devoid of joy for you actually invites a repulse response.
#also if it wasnt clear this isnt ‘its bad its lazy’ there is a level of like#completion consistancy i am thinking for with this#personally i really do not enjoy the like. vintage chic long red nails fur coats noir esque aesthetic HOWEVER 💥💥💥#i can recognize that it is put together it is Intentional#i feel like a lot of people are going to say minimalism on this so LET ME SAY 🫰☝️ i recognize that minimalism is Considered an aesthetic#but i *PERSONALLY* do not consider it an aesthetic i consider it the void of one#it is a lapse in aesthetic or personality in the same way a silence in a song is still technically a ‘beat’ but no music is played#however the importance of Space or Breath in design is more akin to a purposeful silence in music#because that silence matters in the same way rhythm and breath in design do#so i guess minimalism is more comparable to like. white noise. the sound of a fan#very little effort and there is a comfort in it i suppose but its not. A Design. okay#TO ME 🤫#if minimalism has one hater its me if minimalism has no haters im dead
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That's how it went
#tma#the magnus archives#tma podcast#magpod#mag 160#tma spoilers#tma s4#tma season four#jonathan sims#elias bouchard#my stuff#thats all i could think of after hearing elias talk abt jon being an archive#all jokes aside it makes me so sad and crazy to think abt it#like theres a lot in tma about losing ones humanity#and jons choices surely contribute to him losing it as well#but for the most part its him being dehumanised by others#well mostly elias and his plans of creating an archive of fear#jon going from 'a person having a position (the head archivist)' -> 'a person being a position (the archivist)' and finally to 'a position#(an archive)#its just so sad#and the fact that it ties with him losing bodily autonomy and being viewed like an object instead of a person#im dead on the floor crying#okay im done sorry#tma shitpost
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When a cunty witch beats you to death then steals your boy toy for eternal torment 😢 (based on that 'don't you miss her???' meme)
#the og Pathetic Little Meow Meow#catwin#the cat king#thomas the cat king#edwin payne#edwin paine#dead boy detectives#dead boy detectives spoilers#dbda#dbda spoilers#crystal palace#niko sasaki#my art#i feel like we dont talk about the Cat King's depression outfit enough#its so horrible i love it so much those ugly fucking sunglasses#whats even the point his kept boy is off leash and being tortured by a woman in fishnets#catwin fanart
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the paris olympics are a fever dream and i am here for it
#not-so-dead-salmon#haikyuu#oikawa tooru#tsukishima kei#paris 2024#olympics#still fuck them for letting israel participate#but this is funny#argentinas team loves oikawa sm its amazing
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made a guy btw
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DPxDC Dead Tired Coffeeshop Accident
For one reason or another, Danny is now living in Gotham and working in a coffeeshop. For one reason or another, Tim frequents the same coffeeshop.
Now, both of them are honest to god messes who treat sleep like a grave enemy. Meaning they both survive on coffee, spite, energy drinks, and their respective hyperfocuses.
They don't even talk, really, they just see each other from time to time: Tim knows the barista who looks like he's been dead for weeks is named Danny, and Danny knows how to make Tim's Death Wish with his eyes closed, but other than that, they are just strangers who largely don't care about each other.
That is, until one time after his patrol, Tim comes to the said coffeeshop in his Red Robin gear. He doesn't even think about it, he simply needs coffee. He comes to the counter. He orders. His voice is tired and emotionless. He just wants his coffee and maybe stare at a wall for a few hours until his brain reboots. Danny takes his order without even looking at him. He has been sitting and staring at a wall for a few hours, night shifts are literally killing him.
They are both so done.
Red Robin waits for his coffee. Danny makes it almost automatically, his mind elsewhere. The coffeeshop is empty, save for them two. It's four in the morning. Nothing feels real.
Danny sets the cup on the counter.
"One Death Wish for Tim," he says out of a habit, not fully registering they are alone, and he doesn't need to do that.
Tim takes the coffee without thinking, nods a silent 'thank you'. Brings the cup up to his mouth-
And notices a glove on his own hand.
He is in Red Robin get up.
He freezes and looks at the barista, who is cleaning the coffeemachine. Danny, noticing him looking, also looks back at him. Did he make the wrong order? He knows Tim's soul, he's seen it a lot, he couldn't have mistaken him for anyone else, but maybe he forgot to add syrup?..
There's a domino mask on Tim's face. A vigilante domino mask.
They stare at each other. No one moves. No one blinks. The sun is rising somewhere over the city.
Tim takes a sip of his coffee. Danny goes back to cleaning the coffeemachine.
They never speak of this again, but Tim becomes a regular here in both of his personas.
#danny phantom#dc x dp#dpxdc#tim drake#tim x danny#coffee shop au#meet cute#kinda#red robin#they are both so out of it its hilarious#danny remembers the customers by how their souls look#tim didnt hive him a name whike ordering as red robin#so he didnt notice#feel free to add on#cork writes#cork prompts#dead tired
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the worst friends in the world.
#zutara#zuko#katara#atla#avatar the last airbender#hi guyssss im not dead!#this was supposed to be for zkmonth but whoops im late#dialogue is from the movie challengers i love it so much#also whether they are single taken married its up for interpretation#my art#my comics
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DEAD GIRL DETECTIVES ⁉️
Their names r charlie and edith btw im obsessed with them
#image id in alt#tumblr made the quality so bad its clear if u click the image i swear 😭😭#dead boy detectives#dead girl detectives#dbda#charles rowland#edwin payne#genderbend#or r they transgender??? u decide#my art
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I don't want to regret the way I lived
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#gojo satoru#nobara kugisaki#nanami kento#choso kamo#junpei yoshino#jjk leaks#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#this idea started as a 2 part series . then my braincells decided to spark and supplied 7 PAGES#'did you sleep hina' no#ws looking up mentally stable things like 'who has died in jjk' smh i love my hyperfixation media im sooooo glad so many ppl r DEAD#i *could* have included more ppl but i think this is a good crew. this is a yuuji emotional support crew#also Was gna include his grandpa final panel but i Did Not Want To#he is implied through th dialogue#side note i donot like how i cn see this scenario playing out . ..yuuji this isnt ur stop u r monopoly voice Just Visiting ok >:(#anyway I broke my own heart with this and ik i hyped it up a lot but i hope that its not just me...#hope i did not hype it up fr nothing and no one else finds it devastating :((((( that would b humbling in the worst way#pls ...join the happy party train.......i hate it here i suffered pls :<<<<#also !!!! colours in this !! i cooked i fear . adding th first bit of warm hitting yuuji's face after th first 2 panels....#ive never had that kind of experience while drawing before it was wild . painful ! but wild.#the whole transition from p 2->3 might b the most emotionally moving piece ive ever made to me#not 2 sing my own praises tho i will shut up ! i wil. nap
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FNAF movie Vanessa definitely thought Abby died..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf vanessa#vanessa shelly#vanessa afton#mike schmidt#abby schmidt#fnaf bonnie#fnaf movie#fnaf fanart#MORE VANESSA THOUGHTS 🔥#that one scene where Abby basically explodes is so funny#I’m not even sure why Bonnie’s guitar shocks anyone who touches it#(including Bonnie himself)#but I do wonder if half a second Vanessa straight up thought Abby exploded#like oh she’s for sure dead before seeing she was still breathing#ITS A FAIR assumption too seeing she’s a lil girl#and also in games touching Bonnie’s guitar wrong does end you#maybe Vanessa is being hyper protective too here#but again don’t blame her at all just wants to keep Abby safe! 🩵🩵
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king and harbinger, old and young
#hi sorry i havent been animating much cuz. i didnt fucking want to#i have my major work animations to work on so its kind of. drained the fun out of it#but this doctor who audio killed me the fuck dead so uh here#spoop combining his interests again…. who woulda thunk….#lmk#lego monkie kid#lego monkie kid fanart#monkie kid#monkie kid fanart#lmk fanart#lmk mk#lmk sun wukong#sun wukong#qi xiaotian#qi xiaotian fanart#honestly this is less of a father/son thing and more just. kinship. if that makes sense#they are alike and wukong takes a sort of refuge in that he is not the only one out there#idk how to explain it ahsbdbjdf#also in my head this is set before mk is left at pigsy’s doorstep. idk man idk
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#★ arin rambles#★ my art#art#honkai star rail#hsr aventurine#hsr#So basically me and my bestie have agreed that aven has a priv twt acc and its terrible#yheres only like 1 follower (and its topaz) shes sick of it cuz he posts at the dead of night and its such drastic changes#Like he’d post ‘Sometimes I think about how I’m older than my older sister now.’#and hes So Sad#and then like 12 minutes later post something like ‘staring at ratio’s cleavage rn not listening to a word hes saying’#Also ratio isnt allowed to know abt it cuz hes gushing about him constantly like a schoolgirl#anyway so this is Not That. this is the trash he posts though#ignore that one normal cat it was genuinely too cute i didnt wanan erase it .
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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