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coichii · 2 months ago

Text

numb to the feeling ★

—(🎧)—> a bet with your friend Felix has you racing a self proclaimed “champion” at street racing. when the race takes an unexpected turn, what happens after that?

pairing - streetracer!chan ♥︎ streetracer!fem!reader

genre - street racer AU, fluff & angst

word count - 3.7k

warnings - cursing, weed, drinking, street racing, descriptions of car crash (blood, injuries, pain, car damage), smoking, honestly too many smoking references, and un edited writing

“So you’re saying if I beat this guy in a race, you’ll pay me $200?” You ask, blowing out a puff of smoky air as you look at Felix.

Felix proposed an idea that if you beat one of his friends in a street race, he’ll pay you a whole $200. Something about him being “too cocky to accept defeat” in some sort of street racing match they had already had.

You agreed of course. You’ve already won over multiple people in the past, even over Felix. You did it as a way to make extra cash on the side of your regular paycheck. Right now though, you’re honestly doing it to buy more weed.

You’ve beat countless people before, becoming a decently well known name in the street racing community in your area. It’s something you’ve been doing for years, and you were confident in it.

“Yeah, but wipe that smile off your face.” Felix jokes, rolling up bits of paper and weed in his hands. “He’s really good.”

“What’s the name of his “really good” racer anyways? You need to tell me more.” You nudge at his shoulder, trying to get a little more information than “this guy” out of him.

“His name is Christopher, but he goes by Chan. He’s a friend of mine.” He tilts his head in confusion at your snicker and immediate laughter.

“Christopher? I’m supposed to be intimidated by someone with that British ass name?” You cackle, and he passes you a jokingly annoyed glare.

“Shut up Y/N. You’re going to choke on your words.” Felix says, puffing out a bit of smoke.

“Yeah right.”

←♥︎→

It’s rather quiet in the streets when you arrive at the spot, only a few people surrounding the area, most of which are drinking beer and betting. It’s early morning in the city, the sound of the usual police sirens and hurried footsteps non existent.

You’ve done this time and time before, the aroma of smoke and alcohol not phasing you. If anything, it excites you.

Felix went with you of course, planning on getting some money off of betting against his friend. He said it was to support you, but you can see that smirk on his face from miles away.

“That’s him, I see his car” Felix says, pointing at the black mustang parked along the intersection. You quickly drive over, heart starting to bubble that delicious excitement feeling you love so much.

There, you see him lying against the door of his car talking to some other people, car keys in hand and you move to get a better look at his face.

He’s…kind of…handsome?

You park and get out of your car, instantly getting met with the fresh brisk air of night time in the city. It’s always a pleasant feeling.

“Hey, you’re Chris— Chan right?” You ask, holding your hand out to shake his when you walk up to him.

Yeah, he’s handsome.

“Yeah, I am. You must be who I’m racing. Y/N, right?” He asks, shaking your hand back. “Felix told me you’re pretty confident.”

“He’s right, I’m pretty confident I’ll beat you tonight.” You smile, and ooo’s break out from the bundle of drunk men behind you.

“All right that’s enough” he says to quiet down their immature cheers and boos. “I’m looking forward to it.”

He walks away at that point, sharing a small smirk of amusement before going to open the door of his car.

You make your way back to your car, fist bumping Felix on the way as he steps back to the sidewalk.

You drive you car up to the starting point, heart starting to race with happiness as a random woman takes her place in the between your cars, a beat up reg flag in her hand.

“Are you ready?” She shouts, the group of people all bundling up in one spot now.

“3…”

“2…”

“1!”

The sound of your engine revving rips through your ears as you hit the gas. Immediately a rush of adrenaline hits your body as you zoom past the intersection, pacing your self as to not mess up your engine.

It’s nothing you haven’t done before, easily overpowering his car and driving past him. You can’t hear the cheers, but you can see blurred images of the crowd as you pass them.

In your rear view mirror, you can see Chan’s car catching up. It puts a smile on your face; too often have you had to deal with boring matches, but this one seems like it could be fun.

You blast through the rest of the road, having multiple times where he almost passes you, but he never does. You know it’s over when you see an area where most of the crowd is congregated and cheers are louder than they usually are.

It was a straight path, so it was easy to clear, and you knew you would win.

Your car comes to a halt, the brakes screeching as the end of the road approaches. The adrenaline is still high, breath un even as Chan comes to a stop behind you.

There are cheers around you as people surround your car, their chatter a mere background noise. After catching your breath, you step out the car and Chan follows behind you.

“Well done, that was impressive.” He says, bringing his hand out to shake yours. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Thank you. That was entertaining.” You smirk, grasping his hand and shaking it. Felix runs up behind you, putting his arm around shoulders.

“So you’ll congratulate her but not me?” He rolls his eyes, putting down a bottle of beer that leaves you wondering where he found it.

“First, I still won that.” Chan responds, making you giggle and elbow Felix in the stomach. “Second, she’s pretty good at racing and pretty herself.”

That you weren’t expecting. It makes your eyes open wider for a moment, a heat rising up your neck. His blonde hair falls infront of his eyes as he pulls out a small phone.

“Could I get your number?” He asks, and your heart rate spikes. You analyze his tone, and he sounds sincere. Plus, you know Felix wouldn’t be friends with jerks anyway.

“Woah woah. You’re just gonna hit on my best friend like that?” Felix asks, removing his arm from around your shoulders and looking at Chan with stern eyes. Chan put his hands up in a joking retaliation, still smiling though and opening on the contacts section of his phone.

“Felix, it’s fine.” You giggle, putting your hand on the shoulder of the slightly annoyed boy. “Yeah, I’ll give you my number.”

Chan smiles deeper in response, handing you his phone as he wiggles his eyebrows at Felix in an attempt to piss him off.

You finish typing in your number, saving your contact as “y/n 🏁” before handing your phone back over to him.

“Hurt her and I’ll kill you.” Felix threatens, pointing at Chan’s eyes with two fingers before pointing them back at himself. “C’mon, I hear sirens. Let’s get out of here.”

Felix nudges your arm and all of a sudden you hear the faint whir of sirens coming your way. In an instant, everyone in the vicinity scurries away, their footsteps racing through the foot of the city as you get back into the car with Felix.

It’s a quiet drive back to your shared apartment, you two not saying much as you look at the window.

It must have been an hour long meeting because the sound of singing birds begins to grace your ears alongside the gentle rising of the warm sun.

You tune out the noise of sirens and early morning traffic from those with early morning jobs and those who never sleep. For right now, you bask in the peacefulness of the morning, trying to rest from the repercussions from your restless night.

The moment you’re about to drift off into a blissful sleep, your phone beeps.

It’s Chan.

new message from: xxx•xxx•xxxx

—

xxx•xxx•xxxx: hey

xxx•xxx•xxxx: just wanted to text you so you could save my number

you: oh, ty !

chan🏁: no problem ;)

—

He’s flirty. You can’t hide the fact that it made your heart beat just a tad bit faster than it should be for a man you just met.

He’s attractive, but you know nothing about him. You’d ask Felix but knowing him he’d might rather rip his own hair out than listen to his best friend show romantic interest to his other friend.

It’s a thought that washes out soon, the feel of the sun slowly creeping up on your skin enough to knock you out on your way to dreamland.

←♥︎→

“Hey, here’s that 200$ I owe you.” Felix’s voice sounds in your ear as you stir awake.

It’s probably 3pm by now, and a headache lines your face. Fuck. Okay, maybe you shouldn’t have smoked then stayed out until 5am.

“Mhm, thanks.” You grumble, grabbing the thin bundle of cash and stashing it straight into your wallet.

“You beat him with more ease than I thought.” Felix starts, sitting down on the small couch you were currently lazing on. “Honestly, I was gonna bet on him at first, but I got there too late.”

“Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence.” you scoff, rolling your eyes jokingly. “Didn’t you trust me?”

“I did but Chan is pretty good. He wins like 13 out of 15 races.” Felix responds, and you’re eyes widen.

“Damn. I’m really just that good then, huh.” You snort, and Felix slaps you playfully on the shoulder in response.

You’re genuinely surprised though. 13 out of 15 is a pretty good ratio, it’s definitely better than yours. He might as well make that shit his profession.

“Do you like him?” Felix asks, breaking the silence that took over. A flush re enters your cheeks as you re adjust your shirt.

“Well, I just met the guy so I don’t know. But he seems charming and attractive.” You tell the truth, crossing your legs in an attempt to get more comfortable.

“He is a good guy. I hope you get to know him well.” He smiles, getting up from the couch and leaving you alone with your own thoughts.

And get to know him well you did.

You guys started talking frequently, hanging out as regular friends by day and competitive street racers by night. The more you got to know him the more you got to slowly melt away his outer shell and see more of his inner personality.

When you first met him, you saw him as this flirty but genuine person. A guy that is reliable, but you’ll never truly get to see the real and full version of. You couldn’t have been more wrong.

You quickly learned just what type of guy he was. Someone who was gentle, caring, kind, and every synonym there is for loving. He let you break down the walls he placed around his sweet, sweet soul, and that soul is the one you ended up falling deeply in love with.

It went from only seeing eachother at big night time events to going over to each-others place every week.

He started being your company when Felix was busy, started being someone you could run to when you were going through a hard time, started being someone who you could rely on.

And you loved it.

Right now, it’s 2am and you just got home from an extremely long night shift at the bar you work at that Chan generously drove you home from.

All you want to do is go to sleep, skipping a shower and settling with just changing clothes before plopping down on your warm and fuzzy bed. Your eyes were on the verge of closing before you get a ping sound coming from your phone.

new message from: chan ☺️

—

chan☺️: hey y/n

chan☺️: i know you’re tired, but i wanna race you tomorrow.

chan☺️: 50$ if you beat me, and 50$ if I beat you. ;)

you: running low on money aren’t you?

chan☺️: that’s not important 😅

you: sure, downtown?

chan☺️: we race there all the time and you always beat me

chan☺️: let’s do inner city this time

—

Your stomach drops, fingers suddenly stopped to a halt on the keyboard.

You never felt comfortable racing in the inner city. Not only was police presence higher, but the roads were very windy, something you didn’t have much experience with.

Most of the races you took on were straight roadways with the occasional turn. This one would be mostly bended road.

Your heart starts racing at the idea of needing to turn sharply while going 90 miles per hour while one of your best friends sneaks up close behind you.

What if your car looses control? What if you overshoot a turn and fly off the road? What if a car suddenly comes rushing through the lanes without you noticing? What if you get hurt? What if Chan…

—

you: I’m not to sure about that, chan

you: I think that’s too risky for me

chan☺️: it’s not that risky

chan☺️: you’re experienced, you beat me so many times

you: that’s true, but still the roads all bendy

you: im not experienced with that

chan☺️: we don’t have to go too fast if you don’t want to

chan☺️: but please give it a try?

—

Something turns in your stomach. He’s usually not this pushy. Most of the time if there’s something you even show the slightest discomfort towards, he backs away before you can even say it. This is out of character.

Your brows furrow, your mind running scenarios as for what is causing him to ask you like this. You know chans charecter, you know he’s one of the most kind hearted people you know (second to only Felix).

What ever it is, he must have a good reason.

you: hmm

you: will you buy me food afterwards if I do?

chan☺️: yes ma’am

chan☺️: anything you want

you: fineeee

you: I guess it’s okay

chan☺️: see you tommrow, y/n😊

—

You sigh, sloppily putting your phone down on the nightstand next to your bed. You’re two tired to really understand what you just signed up for.

Drifting off, your eyes finally close, your texts of approval sitting idly on your phone as morning rolls in.

←♥︎→

“Hey, ynnie.” Chans sweet voice rings through your ears as you step out your car, his arms enveloping you in a hug as soon as he sees you.

There’s a small crowd around the area, two cars doing donuts as a way to keep the mass of people entertained as you arrived.

It’s around 1 am, the sounds of sirens distant and the crowds low. This place might be the inner city, but it’s not that busy at night. The perfect terrain for your average low stakes race.

But this isn’t low stakes for you, far from it. The usual excitement and enthusiasm you usually felt is no more. Instead your heart is filled with the feeling of nervousness and anxiety.

There’s no backing out of it now, especially in front of a crowd of 30 something people and the man you desperately want. All you can do now is suck it up and hug him back.

“Hi, Channie.” You greet, trying to keep the quiver you felt in your throat choked back. He smiles at you, reaching his hand out for you to shake.

“Let’s try our best.” You take his hand in yours, squeezing it before repeating his words back to him.

He lets go, walking back to his car and reving its engine. With a heavy sigh, you walk towards yours.

A random person steps in front of the middle of your cars, getting everyone’s attention before starting the count down.

Here goes nothing.

“3…”

“2…”

“1!”

Your car goes zooming, but not as fast as you usually do. Normally, you break 80 to 90 instantly, but you’re just under 75, allowing for Chan to overtake you immediately.

The first turn comes up, and your cars speed drops, allowing you to make the curve in-front. Chan keeps his speed decently stable, now becoming out of your view, something that’s never happened before.

When you see his car again, it’s because he’s slowing down for another bend in the road. To catch up to him, you speed up slightly, but your foot slips out of nerves, and suddenly your flooring it.

Your car skirts out of control, your hands freezing up on the steering wheel as you aim straight for a ditch.

“This is it.” You think, eyes closing in fear, trying to brace yourself but being met with the inability to move. You’re frozen. You’re done.

Your car suddenly slams into the ditch, the sound of crunching and bending metal inaudible as your body is met with the force of the collision.

The feeling rings through your body, the power of the car being forced to a halt hitting before the pain does, adrenaline on the high.

The car rests to a stop, your heaving breathing slowly fading away into labored breaths, the expansion of your lungs feeling more like a chore than an everyday bodily function.

It’s not long until your vision starts to black out, ears rings and limbs going limp. The only noises you can hear being the pinging of the car and the faint noise of footsteps and yelling. It’s a familiar voice.

Wait… Chan?!

“Holy.. y/n! y/n are you okay?” His distant voice yells, his tone laced with fear and panic. You can only focus on this for a moment, a static filter taking over the functions of your brain.

“Y/n! Shit.. that’s a lot of blood. Can you hear me?!?” Chan screams, trying to get through the crushed door that might as well be a brick wall.

“Fuck, im coming. Don’t worry, I’m coming. Somebody call 911!” He yells impossibly loud, eliciting a scratchy groan out of your throat. He turns around, expecting to see a crowd of people, but it’s deserted. Everyone one is gone.

Everything fades out, the pressure of trying to keep your head of ceasing as you fall completely limp.

“I’m coming, y/n. I’m com…”

←♥︎→

Fuck. Everything hurts. Your eyes can barely crack open, everything blurry and sore. Every noise is too loud, every light is too bright.

When you finally manage to open your eyes, you’re met with a hospital room, white & blue colors flooding your eyes along side the smell of saline solution.

When you recognize your surroundings, you notice the feeling of a heavy weight on the left side of your stomach. Cracking your eyes open wide, you recognize the blonde figure besides you.

There laying on top of you is Chans tired figure, his head buried deep into his arms that lay on your stomach. At the feeling of your quickened breathing, he lifts his head up and faces you.

His eyes, tired and bloodshot widen slightly, his mouth becoming agape at the sight of you. His hands tremble and reach up to your face, slowly caressing the bruised at cut skin.

“Y/n..?” He asks, voice genuinely unsure if it’s you. You reach your hand out to his, watching his eyes slowly brim with tears as you weakly grab it.

“Hi, Chan.” You speak, voice a little bit raspy from un use. “Why are you crying.”

“Oh my god, y/n. You’re okay!” He whimpers, burrowing his head into your chest as tears slip from his eyes.

“Ouch! Watch out Channie.” You groan, sucking your teeth at the sharp feeling of pain alongside your ribs. Chan jumps off of you, whispering a small sorry before continuing to speak.

“Y/n, I’m so glad you’re okay. When you crashed I was so… there was a lot of blood. Fuck, I never should have pressured you. I’m so so so sorry.” He wailed, clutching on your shirt as if you’ll disappear if he lets go.

“Chan, it’s not your fault. I should’ve said no, it’s on-“

“No. No don’t apologize. You said you were nervous and I told you it’ll be okay. I should have just taken your word for it. I didn’t even want you to race me for some stupid 50$.” He bashfully admits, a red blush appearing on his cheeks.

“Wait, what? What do you mean?” You ask, tilting your head to the side before wincing in pain. Chan brings his hand to your neck, rubbing a few comforting circles on it before answering your question.

“I didn’t race you to get 50$ out of you, that was my way of getting you to come. I wanted to race you because afterwards… I wanted to ask you out and I had no better way of doing it. But still, I shouldn’t have lied to you and I’m so-“

You cut him off by placing a soft kiss on his lips, his hands going still on your neck. Once he registers whats happening, he gently kisses you back.

His lips lock on to yours, hands moving to caress your cheeks. It’s soft and warm, drowning out all the soreness of your body and instead having you feel borderline euphoric.

You can feel his hot tears cascading down his face as they land on your cheeks. You gently wipe them away, pressing further into the kiss before pulling away.

“I’ve liked you for a very long time, Chan. Stop apologizing.” You whisper, moving your hand to ruffle his hair.

“God, you’re a fucking saint.” He says, voice laced gratitude. He places another kiss on your lips, working small pecks across your face as you giggle.

“Jeez, I can’t get enough of you.” Chan whines, pouting as you push him away to catch your breath.

Just as you were about to kiss him again, your phone goes off with all sorts of messages from Felix. Oh shit… you forgot he’s your emergency contact.

“Well, if you want to kiss me.” You start, showing Chan your phone as his skin turns pale. “You’re going to have to do it before Felix gets here and kills you.”

At that he pulls you into to his arms gently as to not bring back the soreness in your body.

“That, I can certainly do.”

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windvexer · 3 months ago

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Hi Chicken, has there ever been a time when a spirit took on a random appearance for you - whether through dreams, manifestation, or something else - but the spirit themselves didn't choose the said appearance? For example, the same guardian spirit may appear one way in dreams and another way when conscious? As in cases when they aren't intentionally changing their appearance (or using glamor)? Hope this makes sense.

I don't know if I've had this direct experience. Here are some things I believe about the appearances of spirits:

Many spirits do not have a single discrete form the way physical beings do. A "raven familiar" may primarily take the shape of a bird, but perhaps can also take the form of a person, of a chimera, or of a mist or smoke (that is, inorganic things).

Spirits can choose to present a shape to you, but I believe that whether or not a person can perceive any given form has to do with their own abilities and the strength of that connection. Depending on the practitioner, it may be easier for them to see/project forms that are not necessarily inherent to the spirit.

Therefore, I believe it is possible that a spirit can have many forms, some of which may be easier to reveal under certain circumstances (perhaps dreams versus astral travel), but I also believe that as practitioners we may project appearances that spirits can then 'puppet' or walk into, like one of those FNAF costumes.

This is just complete UPG but here is the model I use that explains such things for me:

Beaming information directly into someone's head is difficult, especially complex information like the detailed appearance of a spiritual form. (Obelon the Fox-Man's true form, a red fox with the head of a man and his tail is a whole snake)

In many cases, it's easier for something already in a person's mind to be called forth and activated. This can result in simple mashups, constrained by your mental models of how things fit together. (Obelon initially appears as a vulpix with a lizard tail)

In cases where a near approximation exists in a practitioner's mind, that may be 'called up' like a thoughtform that the spirit can use for communication, like providing a fish with a robot aquarium suit they can pilot on dry land. (I watch a lot of desert conservation videos so it's easy for Obelon to appear to me as an endangered San Joaquin Kit Fox)

Practitioners can greatly facilitate Seeing spirits in dreams, travel, and trance experiences if they actively work with the spirit to create a detailed understanding of its appearance; once their form is in your thoughts (thoughtform, even) it becomes much easier for them to consistently appear to you that way. (Making a mood board with Obelon of composite images that correctly show his form, so I can imprint it clearly in my mind and replace the simplified vulpix)

Practitioners of skill, those talented in psychism, those who undertake rituals of connection, and those who fortuitously connect during moments of power may more or less easily receive clear and accurate visions of the appearance of their spirits.

If connection is difficult, and no strong thoughtform of the spirit is available, random mashup appearances are possible and can over time become associated with that spirit, thus becoming a self-fulfilling form. (In a dream Obelon appeared as a ginger woman. I learned it was him and now sometimes I dream of him in that form)

Because ability to for the practitioner to connect differs between waking state, dreams, and altered state of consciousness, it is reasonable for me to see how a spirit could more easily be perceived as their true form while you're in a state of connection you have practice in, yet appears randomly or disjointedly while trying to contact you in a state of connection you have less experience in/control over.

Ultimately the ability for the spirit to appear as they are to a practitioner lies at the intersection of the practitioner and spirit's abilities to connect with each other. A part of this includes the practitioner's own skills in areas of trance, psychism, dreamwork, and so on. Another part of this includes the spirit's focus and insistence on appearing accurately.

Even a powerful or correctly-connected spirit may decline to force their true appearance into a practitioner's awareness. In my experience, some spirits will very much care to be perceived as their true or chosen form; others will not care.

Many spirits have multiple forms or can choose any (or nearly any) form.

Making it a project to understand and build a mental model of a spirit's form is both an act of respect and a genuine sorcerous act to deepen connection and facilitate acts of communication.

Therefore, when having trouble seeing or identifying any particular spirit and you cannot yet figure out how they are 'supposed' to look, it's possible to immediately solve the problem by simply choosing a respectful form for them and assigning it to them, letting them take this thoughtform as their own skin as they choose (perhaps providing a selection of 2 or 3). Once the spirit has this skin to pilot, communication may improve by leaps and bounds, opening the doorway to actually figuring out their appearance.

(A decent way to 'blind' build a thoughtform is to apply correspondences of the spirit. Maybe you know they are a water spirit so you choose forms of a blue fish, a blue-tailed mermaid, and a blue-skinned person to provide them with and see which they prefer. This would be a better selection than three humans who are all different shades of blue).

[Anon, I hope this helped - not sure if it actually answered your question]

#answered

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snifferish · 2 years ago

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When people talk about creating safe spaces online, I think the general focus is on excluding people who are outright nasty or prejudice. While I think this is important and a good step, it can also create some illusion that the people within the space are safe from doing wrong.

There are so many examples of this for sure, but to give an example that I have experienced is the concept of “Safe spaces for women” Yeah obviously it tends to be a space free of men, but that doesn’t make the women who are in the space completely “safe” either. If we talk about the four I’s of oppression, Ideological, Institutional, Interpersonal, and Internalized, the step of excluding the offending group only addresses a few. Going back to my example, there are plenty of women I’ve met who carry internalized ideas of misogyny who can make other women feel unsafe. I mean, most of, if not all of the misogyny I’ve experienced in the MC community has come from other fem people who use the excuse that they like some women or are a women as a defense.

It’s also important to mention intersectionality. Yeah it’s a space of women, and that might make it seem free of misogyny, but what if those women carry prejudice towards someone's race, or whether or not they are trans?

And again, because it’s been deemed a “safe space” a lot the internal or intersectional offenders see themselves as immune because of their position or other identity. I think if one truly wants to cultivate a safe space online, while excluding the people who are outright nasty and prejudice is a good step, it’s important to encourage the people within the community to look inside themselves and deconstruct their prejudices whether its against other people or yourself (also going back to those four I’s, it’s crucial to understand no one if free from that). It’s important to create a space where criticism is accepted, and not viewed as an attack, and in turn the criticism given is intended to call out and instigate growth. This post itself isn’t an attack on anyone in particular, in fact it’s partially a guideline for myself, as I want to cultivate a safe space in my online community while acknowledging that just because I do that, I’m not free of critique. I also want to add that this happens in a myriad of forms across multiple communities, and I use the example of misogyny because that’s what I’ve experienced, but if others want to weigh in their experiences as well, I think that’s important. Sorry for the random tumblr post out of the blue, I enjoy a long character count ahaha. I’m not even sure how to tag this and it might just go to the void, but these are my thoughts.

#snifferish #mcyt

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lorata · 20 days ago

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Hi! Potentially a bit of a random question but I seem to have the idea in my mind that your wife has studied linguistics. I’m seriously considering applying to do French and Linguistics at uni and I was wondering if she had any thoughts or advice? The course allows people to apply having solely studied French so I don’t have much linguistic experience but I’m really interested by it and I don’t know any other linguists irl haha. I completely understand if not! Have a good day xx

she majored in both those things!

she also studied abroad in 3 different countries bc her program allowed her to and that was fantastic, not only for the experience itself but also for getting jobs later -- the job she's in now hired her with less direct related experience in part because they liked that she'd gone to different countries and done stuff while over there (ok she gave me the direct quote from the hiring manager "we had to meet with the person who had this background")

i'm speaking for her a bit rn bc she's napping but MY two cents is that i feel like people are like "teach" or "be a translator" but they're not the only jobs you can do with it -- one of the fastest growing careers right now is speech therapy/communicative disorders, whether it's developmental (kids) or helping people post-TBI / stroke or seniors with aphasia or more audiology focused but that's linguistics baby! (you totally can do translation, one of my friends works at nintendo doing english localizations but i feel like that's the one everyone thinks of and there's other stuff if it's not your jam)

OKAY SHE'S AWAKE i'm going to take notes while she thought-dumps under the cut

first off, she thinks linguistics is awesome, good on ya! she actually majored in french and japanese and didn't figure out the linguistics until the very last year, so she had to come back for another degree after working for a few years

linguistics is a very cool interdisciplinary field with lots of branches that intersect with many other things -- if you like a particular branch and you want to pursue it, take the electives that connect with that branch (e.g. she took psycholinguistics and cognitive science) which will give you good sense of it and help you if you want to explore more in it later on

when you do your language requirement, she recommends picking up one that's different to english or french in a significant way -- it'll help you wrap your head around different concepts if you speak or are learning a language that has those things (e.g. Japanese is subject-object-verb vs english/french subject-verb-object)

she VERY much recommends non-european languages in general ("tho there is cool shit in european languages too, like basque")

she is curious whether this is a double French major + Linguistics major OR a French linguistics major -- she recommends the first rather than the second, she has been in the second (while studying abroad) and finds that the language tends to colour the linguistics rather than studying cross-linguistically. so if you have the choice she does recommend the two separate majors if you can get it

linguistics is more maths than she expected -- you don't need to do a lot of calculations (unless you want to! you can get very mathsy if you want with quantitative or computational linguistics) but you're looking for trends so you do need to understand data and statistics, and in the higher levels stuff like plotting sentences and sentence diagramming involves way more equations. with that being said, my wife who has a math LD and had a really hard tim e with math in school turned out to LOVE it; it took her a bit to wrap her head around how things worked at first but it blew her mind and she has a huge appreciation for the breadth of the field (if you're from a science background then disregard hahaha)

linguistics intersects with psychology and science in a very cool way that she says also helped her understand some of the hard-science stuff

LEARN THE INTERNATIONAL PHONETIC ALPHABET -- you have to, it's a requirement, but get on that because it's important; she's obsessed with it, right now i actually need to pause bc she's explaining the layout of the chart to me (it's arranged by place of articulation) but for you i'm going to link it instead

this is a bit off topic and maybe not relevant and also obviously a personal choice regardless but she says if you suspect you have a learning disability and it has not been diagnosed, get it diagnosed, if you don't need to be doing that at 30 it's much easier lol

her username on here is @linguafranka if you want to add her / DM / continue convos! she loves to talk linguistics pretty much any time

#lorata answers #Anonymous

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prototypesteve · 1 year ago

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hi! I just came across your acc and read some of your posts and you seem a really inspiring individual. im a 18yo demisexual person who's really close to their queerness (both in the sexuality and gender aspects) as its a fundamental part of my individuality. and i dunno, both my being acespec and genderqueer are a tricky... thing to get into when i want to get into relationships. im trying to be happy by myself. and this was very random and all, but as you're an adult aroace (i see very very few of them) its inspiring to me knowing I can still have a good, normal life? while living in full authenticity. idk. sorry if this is random. you dont have to reply. your account was nice to come across. have a wonderful day

Thank you for this. This is why I’m here. Honestly this is most of why I came out. Seriously.

Being Different and “New”.

The world is catching up with you, so you’ll have to be patient sometimes. Language often outpaces feelings. People know how to address genderqueer (they know all the words) but they’re still learning how to process genderqueer (they’re deconstructing all the old gender “archetypes” and stereotypes they were taught by parents and teachers who didn’t address or process genderqueer in their day). They will figure it out, because they can see it’s real. But it’s frustrating, in the meantime.

Even our own community of LGBTQIA+ (in Canada we use 2SLGBTQIA+, leading with 2S for two-spirit) is catching up with us in a lot of ways. The queer community has largely thought of queer as for/about genderqueer, and so when they see aros and aces and demisexuals and demiromantics, they have to either accept or reject that there’s a whole other layer of queer called relationship queer who intersect and overlap with genderqueer inside the bigger (and for some “newly bigger”) queer category/world/thing.

Being alone.

Alone is a complicated word for us. Aspec people experience a few kinds of alone-ness. There’s completion, which allos sometimes don’t get. We’re complete inasmuch as aspec people don’t have as many spaces in their lives where they need an “other half,” even though many of us spend a lot of our lives being told we have that space and we need to fill it. I wrote about that, here.

Then there’s the way we can can feel isolated from the bigger queer world because of the ways some people refuse to accept asexuality and aromanticism as queer, because they see it as a cishet thing, somehow.

We can feel isolated from traditional communities built around faith, politics, ethnicity, national identity, or even generational identity (GenX was wiiiiildly amatonormative), all because our defining differences are falsely interpreted as “new”. People misread our orientation as a phase, or a “made up internet thing” even though we’ve always been here. For ages, the world didn’t want to talk about all the asexual, aromantic, demisexual, and demiromantic people they could see everywhere—unlabelled, but plain as day—and now that we want to talk about ourselves, they’re going to say “you’re making that up”.

Then there’s the alone-ness of trying to explain how we do love, but differently. That one’s hard. I think that’s the one I’m going through the most, this year.

“See Also”:

Anyway, here’s a poorly-sorted and always growing “library” of links to my most popular social media posts, and stuff I’ve learned as an older ace. The recurring theme is that it really is going to be okay.

I’m still me, but now I know why. (How I explain my “thing” to straight friends who knew me from before I came out.)

Phase (You don’t outgrow it. I’m proof.)

Complete (Our complex relationship with “Alone”)

1994 (The counsellor story)

When I realized (Slow origin story)

Lifeline (Something bad happened to me when I was young, and believe it or not, Spider-Man rescued me.)

Recipe for Disaster (When life happens BEFORE you figure out your orientations)

Sexual Induction rather than a sexual awakening. (Things won’t always follow the romance novel playbook.)

Complicated. (Being queer AND Christian.)

Din Djarin Aroace Rep (We love. We just mostly do all the other kinds of love)

Treasure (a note to my trans friends)

Happy Ace Week (yes we’re here)

Masked (About not being out to everyone)

Negotiating (About gaining “acceptance” from the bigger queer community.

#asexual #aromantic #aroace #aspec #asexuality #aromantic asexual #aromanticism #lgbtqia #coming out #2slgbtqia+

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rivetgoth · 1 year ago

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Hello I saw your post on HRT and how you said that the difference between 1 year and 5 years is pretty big, and I wanted to ask you what is the difference between 1 year and 5 years? I have some friends who are unable to continue HRT because we live in an area where it's banned and they're in the early stages so I was only able to ask them about their experiences but I want to know more to understand it and support them better. Thank you for answering if indeed you do!

Hey! I’m gonna copy-paste another comment I left for someone else who asked if that’s okay, just because it was pretty detailed and I think I said everything I could possibly say, but it was just a random response to someone so it understandably got drowned by all the other notes my post got haha.

Here (+original link):

When it comes to the long term changes I would most aptly describe it as simply MORE.

All of those “early changes” people talk about, literally every one of them, just continue to happen, in ways that are subtle but absolutely crucial for long term and consistent passing.

More facial hair. More body hair. More bottom growth. More voice drop. More body fat redistribution. More changes to face shape and body shape. More muscle development. More change to the hairline, the skin texture, even just the way your brain works. By year 2 I was still excited when someone gendered me correctly, and still felt almost a sense of imposter syndrome when it did happen. I felt like I was teetering on the edge of masculinity. I think I passed as “trans” more than “male.” 5 years in it’s literally not something I think about. I just live as a man. I get gendered correctly from behind, with long hair, in women’s clothing and makeup… and on the rare occasion I get misgendered it’s the easiest correction to make and it’s immediately apparent to the other person that they were wrong, not me. My maleness is not a question. Nothing massive changed, it was just time.

Think about how cis men age: They don’t become adults and become static beings. Their voice continues to drop. Their hair patterns continue to change and develop. Many cis men can’t grow full beards until their 30s. Their weight patterns and body shapes change. Their muscles change, their skin changes. Aging isn’t a separate process from the masculinization or feminization of testosterone or estrogen. What we often take for granted as parts of becoming older men are still dependent on having a testosterone-dominant endocrine system. It’s not a process that starts and ends. I saw one person in the tags say “At a certain point it becomes a matter of aging as a certain gender,” and I think that’s such a fantastic way of putting it.

I think a lot of the early changes get propagated more in part because they’re easier to describe and more objective. Your voice will get deeper, your period will stop, you’ll begin to grow facial and body hair, your clitoris will change shape, etc are so much easier to articulate in a simple and accessible format than the much more subjective way it looks to age as a man. I think a lot of other issues intersect to make this stuff less acknowledged though, ranging from the simple fact that it’s still something of a rarity to see trans men who have been on T for a substantial amount of time—this stuff being widely accessible is still quite recent—plus the likelihood of long term transitioners to go stealth or at least focus less on their transition and thus their voice being heard less in the community than the younger guys who are still excited to report on every change because it’s all fresh and new (and the confirmation bias of the fact that guys with abnormally fast or significant changes are more likely to talk about it online, creating a false sense that this is the average experience), but also more nefarious and/or systemic issues, like there being no funding for comprehensive, good faith studies on long term transition, fearmongering about HRT positing it as this instant all-or-nothing life ruiner that will have you permanently fucking up your body within your first microdose, and the benefit of pushing propaganda that we CAN’T actually successfully transition, that success and long term happiness in transition is a myth. It isn’t.

#Hope it doesn’t sound dismissive to do this I’m HAPPY to answer I just think I said it best there hahaha #hrt #ftm

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bisexualsdeservebetter · 1 year ago

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As a bisexual in a heterosexual relationship I’ve been feelings so unwelcome by lesbians (won’t even begin how male centered the lgbtq is becoming too) and anyone that is queer but not dating a cishet person.

I’m on twitter (I know smh) and there has been alot of disgust with us bi women dating men and how were less valid. And I know cishet males in pride has raised a lot of eyebrows with how some were there and groped lesbians etc… but not all of straight males are evil for going to pride. Some are questioning, some er closeted, some are allies or dating a queer person.

WHY IS THERE SO MUCH HATE??

I mean I think there's so much hate for cishet males because a very large percentage of them behave extremely poorly around women & LGBT people as well as lesbians being understandably angry over how male centric the LGBT community is, like you said.

As for brining a cishet partner to pride events, I really think it depends on the event as to if it's okay or not. A parade? Yeah whatever, that's a huge public spectacle, I don't really care if people's supportive cishet friend/family member/partner goes with them so long as that person is well behaved and respectful and knows the event is not about them. But if it's not a public event or if it's an event meant for a certain demographic (ex. an event meant for lesbians and bi women specifically) then I would not say it's okay to bring a cishet partner to that event.

As for feeling unwelcome by lesbians, I am sorry you're feeling that way and I know it can be difficult to navigate one's own bisexuality & connection to the community when in a straight relationship. However, I really dislike how so many people seem to behave as if the approval of random lesbians is what determines someone's validity/belonging. I understand your frustration and I know it can be really difficult to feel like you're being excluded, but I'm going to say the same thing to you that I feel should be said to a lot of people:

Leave lesbians alone.

I don't mean like avoid them or don't talk to them, I mean don't act like they are required to approve of you and your relationship. There is always going to be a lesbian that doesn't like you, and for some reason that's extremely difficult for a lot of people to handle. You have to learn to deal with the fact that some lesbians are primarily interested in community with other lesbians and/or same-sex partnered bi women, and a very high number of lesbians have no interest in being around straight men at events meant for LGBT people. Many many many lesbians have been victimized in some way by straight men - and I don't mean to imply bi women aren't victimized as well, but I'm talking about lesbians right now - and I think it's completely fair for a lesbian to be uncomfortable around a random straight man she doesn't know.

We all saw the man vs bear thing didn't we? It seems a considerable number of women of any sexuality are uncomfortable around a man they don't know. Unfortunately a lot of men are in fact poorly behaved at best and pose a threat to the safety of women, especially women with other intersections of oppression like a lesbian or a black woman.

If you want to bring your straight boyfriend to pride events, then I'm sorry but you need to understand that a lof of people - lesbians especially - are not going to be okay with that.

Dating a man doesn't make you any less bisexual of course, and I'm sorry that people are questioning the validity of your sexuality based on the fact that you're dating a man. Biphobia is never okay. You're allowed to date whoever you please so long as they're a consenting adult and it doesn't change the fact that you're bisexual, and you belong in the LGBT community.

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insipid-drivel · 5 months ago

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Hello, I'm new around here, I don't know why this is labeled 'im sorry', I don't know if you'll ever see it. I'm just a greek mythology nerd, having her bi awakening in a conservative, homophobic family. I'd just like to say, you, Biz, your alters, your dog, even, inspire me so much. I see Drowning Flotsam in Wine and I marvel at your ability to write emotion and build character, while I string together sentences and doodles in an attempt to communicate. Here on tumblr, seeing your medical updates, I can only imagine what pain you feel and have felt. I could and I would never pretend to have felt it as well. I look at your posts and give as much love to them as I can even when I'm the only one to do so, because you deserve it. One random internet stranger's support isn't a lot, though, especially when that stranger wants to poke and prod and ask questions.

I'd like to say hi to your alters, and ask how many of you there are, if it isn't any trouble.

Most of all, I'd like to say thankyou. For being my favourite Ao3 writer, and for reading my unnecessarily long ask.

Thanks, A ball of insecurities.

Oh wow, so the ancient html I used to build my blog is finally crapping out! I just updated my blog for the first time in many years, so hopefully the strange "im sorry" and other stuff are fixed. It used to just say "Ask". Yikes.

I'm going to send you a DM just to get that ball rolling, because tumblr's UI sucks and can confuse the crap out of long-time users as well as new ones >_> That way, you can message me privately and we can talk one-on-one if you prefer to communicate that way. Tumblr used to let you reply privately to asks sent by users that aren't set to Anonymous, but it seems they've gotten rid of that feature. Boo.

It's incredibly touching and meaningful to hear from anyone at all, especially about my writing and how it intersects and interacts with my DID. I've really been bowled over by the messages you and other readers have left that have been nothing but flattering, kind, and curious, when I've spent most of my writing career pretty much flying under the radar and going largely unnoticed. Drowning Flotsam in Wine is literally the first work in general (including both fics and original works) I've ever written get the kind of hits and responses that it does, and it really has been breaking me out of a very, very long dry spell where I've had no inspiration to write anything at all.

For many years, I really thought I didn't matter, and that nobody would ever really care about what I had to express with my writing. I've always admired authors that are able to reach out and touch people through their art on profound and deeply personal levels, but never really thought of myself as one that could achieve anything like that with an audience.

As for my alters that are presently feeling perky and talkative (we're all still pretty tired this early in the morning - Alex usually wakes up first), they say their various forms of hello! From normal ones like "Hi!" from Alex, to Marchosias saying something so wildly inappropriate that I'm not going to put in a public post while simultaneously throwing him into horny jail for the 347th time this week <3

Yes, he really is Like That.

When it comes to my alters, I have over 25-30, but it's hard to pin down exactly how many I have when I know that there are a number in the back of my mind that choose to not interact and generally avoid me so far, which is fine. Some of them are shy and not ready to talk to me, while others only perk up and interact under very, very specific circumstances. Others still either don't know how to properly interact with people while "in front" and are still learning, or are just too unpredictable and instinct-driven to let wander around too much.

For the most part, my primary "active" alters that are almost always as awake as I am at any given time are 6: Alex, Marchosias, Aever, Cassandra, Odd, and Sal/Luci. The name I use for Sal can vary based on context. In Drowning Flotsam in Wine, it's "Luci", for reasons that will be revealed later and involve some spoilers for the fic! So Sal he remains (and generally prefers, anyway).

It's seriously just mindblowing to have my writing called anyone's-favorite-anything, and I seriously get choked up thinking about it. I've been writing since I was a very, very small child and started writing novel and epic-length works when I was around 17-18 years old. It started out as an exercise to help my autistic little brother get through school, where he struggled a lot with reading comprehension and grammar by the time he was entering middle and high school. Now, it's as much of who I am as my own legs.

More than that, really. If I had to choose between losing my legs or my ability to write, the legs are gone. I use a wheelchair anyway.

Funny enough, it was my mom that got me into writing in the first place when I was still younger than 9 years old. My fascination for storytelling began when she opened up a Word document on one of those ancient brick-style PCs when Windows 95 was still the go-to OS. She'd write a sentence, and then have little-me come in and write the next one, and so on until a passion was born.

I'm really sorry that you're going through your bi awakening while dealing with a conservative and intolerant family :/ I'm truly hopeful that you're able to find some peace and consolation in reading and interacting with other queer people like me in friendly spaces like Ao3. Homophobia is wrong, bi erasure is fucking gross, and who and how we love each other should never be the subject of judgment and ridicule.

Here's Tama! Tama thinks biphobia and bi erasure are bad, especially when it means her bi friends are feeling too down to give her treats and throw her favorite ball for her.

#asks #because ofc they got rid of the “answer privately” function

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fear-theories · 6 months ago

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The Investigation

Other names: How do they know that Classification: Intersection of the eye and the hunt

The Investigation exists as the thin line between the hunt and the eye, a distinct fear not just of pursuing and discovering something horrible, but also of being pursued for the knowledge of what you have done, and of the pursuant never finding answers. This fear is felt by many individuals and deeply relies on paranoia, personal mistakes and tragedy to claim its victims. Whilst environmental presentations are rare, they have been noted to occur in very particular surroundings, where the fear of finding out something forbidden, or of being found committing such an act are most acute. The most common agent of this fear takes the form of an avatar.

To have your forbidden knowledge known, archived and relived for the delight of an entity is the domain of the eye, naturally. This fear truly begins at the unending pursuit of knowledge, of chasing it, hunting it. The investigation that starts a would be avatar on this path, that plants the seed of the question " why?" Is usually one where the answers are obscure or impossible to know. As the investigator goes to greater and greater extremes to find the answer to their questions or their case, the descent is marked with relentless pursuit, often following their target to any location, asking any question no matter how unethical, and chasing any lead, no matter how ethereal it may be. As they continue to sink deeper and deeper into the fear they now embody, other unrelated topics will become attached to the original conspiracy they chase, leading them to hunt for obscure and forbidden knowledge in their victims, seemingly knowing it with a lesser basis in evidence as they proceed to grow stronger. Victims will often appear chosen at random externally, and having their innermost secrets extracted from them by the predator that the avatar becomes is an acutely scarring experience.

Victims can come from most walks of life, though it is a relatively common experience with those whose life circles an obsession with a singular topic or task that they have stumbled into a form of investigation of. Police forces are of course an area of distinct presence, but the conspiracy community, especially those centered around governing bodies is also an area of keen interest. The few recorded examples of environmental manifestations have occurred in environments with distinct links to both communities, including a detectives office that, at last known encounter, would publish detailed, anonymized reports of awful events that the victims participated in or caused. The office is otherwise empty save for a scattering of bland office decor, and according to victim testimony, moves location regularly, seeming to appear in high traffic areas that the victims frequents. Encounters are not often long term experiences, though the consequences of this knowledge existing in a published format can drive victims to extreme measures.

Extensions of this fear into human lives, rife with small secrets and anxiety are psychologically damaging experience that in most cases leaves a lingering mark and fear in the victims that will not abate throughout the remainder of their lives.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pursuit and obsession are so common in humans that I couldn't resist the urge to make something of it too ( the irony of this being fan work for a podcast I am obsessed with is not lost on me lol)

Thanks for reading!

-G

#the magnus archives #tma #the eye #the hunt #the investigation

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maxtalksalarmclocks · 6 months ago

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Welcome!

You’re here! And you’ve got questions. Like, why in the world does this blog exist???

Allow me to enlighten you.

Who are you?

I’m Max! My pronouns are he/him, and I’m a member of the LGBTQ+ community. And for as long as I can remember, I’ve been super-super-interested in various random things! One time it was vacuum cleaners. One time it was answering machines. One time it was cell phones (pre-iPhone). One time it was cars—well, it’s still cars, as in, I can identify pretty much any car on the road today at a glance.

And if it’s not clear by now, one of my biggest interests was alarm clocks.

How did you learn so much about alarm clocks?

By Googling like a fiend! Off and on over the span of a few years, I dug into alarm clock instruction manuals, and Amazon reviews, and eBay listings, trying to find every interesting detail I could. It was sort of like needles in a haystack, in that for every several hours spent poring through boring product listings, I might find one wildly interesting detail that made it feel worth it. Unfortunately, this is what they call a “variable reinforcement schedule,” and it hooks the brain’s dopamine system like nobody’s business. I will readily admit that my alarm clock education was too often all-consuming and unhealthy, which is part of why I’m trying to avoid doing any new research for this blog. But my hope is to bring you a highly curated selection of the interesting details I learned, so you can avoid the slog of reading as many instruction manuals as I did!

Why did you learn so much about alarm clocks?

Besides the dopamine reason cited above, there were actual reasons why I was drawn to alarm clocks. First, I honestly think they’re visually and conceptually beautiful. Strange, almost alien plastic forms with buttons and ridges and movement. Displays that illuminate in beautiful colors, like fruit juice or stained glass. Speakers that make sound with magnets, circuitry beyond my comprehension, motors that send CDs pirouetting and lasers that reveal their secrets, their binary hieroglyphics. Cast in the shadows of night, alarm clocks are strange bringers of light and sound and life.

Second, alarm clocks are machines with features and attributes that I can easily comprehend. I love the idea of a world that isn’t as confusing as this one, and even if an alarm clock is its own universe of components and logic, that universe can be succinctly summarized in a short instruction manual. Alarm clock features can be arranged in hierarchies, or compared, or sorted into rules and exceptions. My brain loves every single one of those things.

Third, alarm clocks actually matter. They were developed by real human beings, designers and engineers and businesspeople and factory workers and retail workers. Every one of those human beings has a story, and each story intersects with these devices. And these devices in turn affected real human beings, namely, those who owned them and used them every day. Unlike some consumer electronics, like TVs and VCRs, alarm clocks engage with us in an intimate and vulnerable experience: falling asleep, staying asleep, and waking up. For that reason, we have feelings about them. (Just ask anyone who’s smacked the snooze button or knocked a beeping clock off their nightstand.) And also for that reason, alarm clock designers tried a whole lot of different approaches to helping these devices fit into our day-to-day lives, bringing us comfort or joy rather than frustration. So there’s a surprising number of alarm clocks that are actually quirky, and funky, and interesting, and worth talking about.

So in short: alarm clocks are universes. They are beautiful universes, they are small universes, and they are part of our universe. And that’s why I love them.

What made you decide to start this blog?

So I can be cyberbullied!

No, not actually (plz dont cyberbully me thx). Part of why I started this blog is to preserve the history of the alarm clocks I love. Alarm clocks are kind of an obsolete technology, in the sense that our phones can do almost everything they used to do. And there aren’t that many people who are as interested in the topic as I am. So I’m afraid that as these alarm clocks age, and break, and end up in landfills, and their manufacturers move on or go out of business, the little information available online will disappear. I’ve already noticed that old Amazon listings for discontinued alarm clocks have been taken down, and for at least one model, I can no longer find photos of it online. So I want to act to preserve the information that is still out there, before it disappears any further.

Also, part of why I started this blog is to honor the side of myself that cares about this topic at all. When I was young, I kept my obsessive interests like this one secret outside of the house, because I felt they were strange and made me vulnerable to bullying or judgment. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized there are actually a lot of people out there with really strong interests in unconventional topics. Sometimes I’ve heard them called “hyperfixations,” or associated with particular kinds of neurodiversity, but regardless of label, I want to be another voice showing that people have this experience, and it’s far from judgment-worthy. It’s actually beautiful, to be able to find joy and wonder in aspects of the world that most people overlook. And I want to bring that joy and wonder to you!

What should I know before reading your blog?

A few things!

This blog features a mix of posts. Some will be deep dives into alarm clock features. Others will highlight specific alarm clocks and what makes them unique. I may also reblog any alarm clock content I find here on Tumblr, or elsewhere on the Internet!

My posts are not product reviews. I don’t own most of the alarm clocks I’m discussing, and many of them are long-discontinued. I estimate that most of the alarm clocks I will discuss here were made in the 1990s or 2000s. So if you’re here trying to find the best alarm clock to buy, I’m afraid this is the wrong website for you. This is more of a museum, if you will, of alarm clocks and what I find interesting about them! It’s for entertainment rather than practical purposes.

It is possible that errors or inaccuracies will sneak into my posts. If you spot an error, or just have a question of any kind, please contact me through Tumblr, or email me at [email protected]. I’m happy to help!

I will not be using generative AI to write any of my posts.

Because I don’t own most of the alarm clocks I discuss, images and videos will generally not be mine. I will credit them wherever possible. As an example, my profile picture is an image of the Sony ICF-CD855V from Google.

I don’t expect to post to this blog indefinitely. I have a solid number of ideas for posts, but once I write all of them, I will probably call this blog a finished project. That said, I will clearly state once I have reached that point. So if there’s radio silence from me, it’s probably just that I’m short on time and haven’t posted in a while, but I still plan to be back!

To ensure that this blog isn’t referencing product images and instruction manuals that disappear from the Internet later on, I have created my own archive of images and manuals in this Google Drive folder. I will add content to this folder over time!

All are welcome here! I want this blog to be an inclusive space where anyone can join in on this journey. I know sometimes I’m frustrated when I find people online who have interesting things to say about technology or cars or whatever, but also have attitudes that are less than inclusive or compassionate. So I want you to know that I see you, I value you, and I’m excited to have you on board for this wild ride!

That’s everything I’ve got to say for now. Thanks for letting me explain why this blog exists in the first place. Now, let’s talk alarm clocks!

#technology #alarm clock #design #retro #vintage #nostalgia #electronics #tech #nerd #random #deep dive

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grammarpedant · 24 days ago

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And its isolation from others not only serves to make it a more interesting character whose trauma we can relate to, but also, I think, many of us are broadly able to relate to the disruption of its sense of attachment because our modern lives are also impacted by the source of it: alienation under capitalism. Murderbot is commentary not just on trauma and recovery, but also on how capitalism and the capitalist systems we live in cause trauma, dehumanize us, unperson us, and alienate us from each other.

It's important to those themes that Murderbot is so much more isolated from others, as a rental unit that goes from group to group and is never permitted the space to form lasting connections of any kind. It provides the narrative grease that lets it slide out into exploring the world and its own selfhood, of course, but it also serves to reflect modern struggles with capitalism in a larger than life way. How many of us have had to move from apartment to apartment every few years to avoid skyrocketing rent, or couch surf, or been homeless, never feeling like we're able to have a place to set down roots and call our own? How many of us have gone from shit job to shit job, or worked for hire-and-fire bosses who treat us like cogs that can be thrown away when they burn out, or had the company we've been steadily working for been bought out by a bigger one who either lets us go or demands we work in a more newly soulless system? To say nothing of a thousand other intersectional traumas you can face within, that are magnified by, capitalist systems! Racist systems, misogynistic violence, homophobic hate crimes, familial or intimate partner abuse, the list goes on. How can you feel like you're allowed to live, let alone be a person connected to other people and community, in these conditions? How can you ever learn to believe you're worth something?

Murderbot's life is the exaggerated reflection of our own lives under capitalism. We're not slaves with literal shock collars in our brains to enforce corporate obedience, of course, but sometimes it feels that way. And its being so completely isolated, alienated from other people and itself, moreso than Three or Miki or ART at the start of its story, makes it all the more powerful- that despite everything, Murderbot still manages to reach out, care for others, and let them care for it too. Its life, and the lives it's touched- Mensah, PresAux, ART, Don Abene, Tapan, even random workers and colonists- are better for it.

In imagining Murderbot perform that unimaginable feat, it becomes a little more possible for us atomized individuals to imagine the same for ourselves. In doing so, we keep open the possibility that the owners of our capital don't want us to know is possible, the one where together, we're strong enough to change our world, just as MB changes its for the better.

Thinking about murderbot being a rental unit and how that interacts with its trauma

Bc like. The most important bots it meets are all from vastly different situations and backgrounds than it. ART has been valued and loved by humans its whole life - its dad is literally the captain and its sister is one of its crew! And they clearly cherish, love, and value ART. Miki is a less sophisticated bot, but also so clearly loved and cherished. They ordered it to protect itself! And it had the capability to reject that order! That says a lot about the love, trust, and mutual respect they had for one another.

Even Three, another secunit, seems pretty different from murderbot. It was made by the company it’s working for and the vibe I got was that it and the other two secunits were sort of permanently assigned to that ship?

Which, look. Humans imprint on anything and build familiarity. The more time we spend with something the more sentimental we might get about it. If Three was on that ship for a long time, I wouldn’t be shocked if at least some of the humans on board were pretty chill or even affectionate towards it (in a condescending and dehumanizing way probably, but still). And even so, the length of time spent around the same secunits clearly allowed Three to establish bonds with its fellow secunits if nothing else!

But being a rental unit means murderbot went from group to group. The other secunits it worked with were always Temporary Company (will never see them again after this contract likely) and also Active Threats to murderbot bc they’re the most likely to notice murderbot is rogue and be forced to report it. Even the humans were Temporary, so even if there were Nice Humans they’d be swapped out with Bad Humans soon enough.

Like. No wonder it insists it doesn’t have friends. If you don’t have Feelings about people then those feelings can’t be hurt when you’re inevitably torn away and never allowed to see them again (or have your very memories of them torn out of you and erased)

(Feelings about media are okay because the media can go with you, right?)

It’s funny to point at Three when murderbot makes sweeping generalization about secunits bc it’s an unreliable narrator but also. Just having feelings about how specifically being a rental unit effects murderbot and its relationships to others

#murderbot diaries #verso writes #meta #I haven't been sappy on main in a minute #I'm back on my bullshit and more anticapitalist than ever

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hestzhyen · 2 months ago

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On the Ao3 Data Scrape

Just some thoughts as someone who has a foot planted on both sides of the divide here. I'm a creative type who has a B.S. in tech and a career working with a wide variety of tech stacks. I love writing fan fiction and building my own PCs. I've written and read all my life, and I made a good living working with complex financial tech systems until the expectations of the field broke me. I still have a deep interest in tech though (especially where it intersects with policy and ethics). I understand the basic technical concepts that AI work off of. I've also followed the tech industry as a whole for many years not just as an enthusiast, but also as a necessity to have a career.

In the interest of transparency: while I acknowledge and actually look forward to the useful application of AI for future discovery purposes in sciences and mathematics, I have double the bias against it because it threatens both my career and my hobbies.

Alright... first up, let's figure out what I'm talking about.

"AI" is used to describe lots of things these days- virtual assistants, advanced data modeling, generative applications, pretty much anything that gets trained on a data set and set loose to perform some function in the world. I'm specifically focused on the third type mentioned: generative AI, the ChatGPTs and DeepAIs of the world. The type that hoover up art and text to generate a wide variety of output from user prompts, from answering questions to creating images to generating essays. User enters something like "what happened during the War of 1812" and the program spits out a response, first offering a summary then offering to go in-depth on certain topics. I've tried a few of these programs to see how they work and they do seem impressive at first glance. Then you realise you're one hallucination away from believing random bullshit that sounds convincing and it gets a bit uncomfortable.

Okay. But why Ao3 and fan works? Wouldn't these companies only want the highest quality stuff?

All types of AI are trained on as much data as possible- Gen AI isn't unique for using sketchy practices to acquire that data or consume a staggering amount of natural resources to do so. AI and exploitative practices are just the latest iteration of Silicon Valley's all-in bet on "move fast and break things" as a business model (i.e., act before regulators catch up, bribe lawmakers keep looking away until they can profitably give in to some ethical concerns as a concession, and offer insincere apologies a few years later if harm is proven to have been done). The quality of the data doesn't really matter all that much, it needs all of everything in order to account for all possible scenarios. Hence why amateur scribbles are gobbled up just as eagerly as a professional artist's portfolio, or why a fan fiction is worth offering up alongside the greatest literary classics. All of that information can be exchanged for money as a "training set".

What made Ao3 a particularly inviting target is the tagging system. Imagine a public repository of data that comes pre-tagged on the type of content it contains; the genre, sub-genres, and tropes invoked. It even has a pseudo ratings system (kudos+comments/hits ratio) to help roughly gauge the quality of an individual work, allowing for easy aggregation of types of works to target. Thousands of millions of works put out there for free! It doesn't matter that you'll get a bunch of Half Life: Full Life Consequence-tier stuff alongside a few works that are actually quite good. It's all valuable to help refine models- especially ones that want to communicate with users in a way that feels "natural" instead of like they're talking to a listener subroutine that will present output pulled from a constellation of data points spread across various data centres.

Maybe someone wants to create fan works that still appear authentic because they've got some charming flaws. Maybe they want to know what a typical fanfic for their favourite series/ship has in terms of content. Maybe they want to know what kind of fan art gets the most interactions what it looks like. So that's why Ao3 was scraped alongside amateur/hobby sites like Artfol, PaintBerri, and PaperDemon. It's basically a bunch of "amateur writer/artist" works collected into data sets for AI training.

As of writing this on May 7th 2025, the data sets for all the sites mentioned have been permanently disabled or deleted from the original site they were posted to. But that's not the same as the data being inaccessible for all-time.

The data sets were available for hours and they were downloaded for various purposes. Some people did it to see if their works or the works of others were scooped up. Other's motives are unknown.

The data sets were also spread to sites hosted in China and Russia, which notoriously do not respond to take-down requests from anyone aside from those country's governments. The Ao3 set is one of the ones that is still being distributed.

The person who did the scraping made their code publicly available for others to use or tune for their own needs. It can and will happen again.

So as a tech person, I understand why it happened. I'm not happy about it at all- I don't believe that AI models should be trained off of works that weren't negotiated for. I don't think AI has much business in the creative sphere at all honestly; artists, writers, and other creators are already struggling for proper recognition and compensation. Unfortunately many businesses see a chance to cut costs by having an AI model design their logos and write their PR statements instead of a real human being. The race to the almighty bottom dollar is being accelerated in real-time and many many people are getting left out in the cold in the pursuit. Even people like me -people with tech degrees and years of experience- are at risk as the models start getting good at various types of analysis- particularly risk and root cause. Why pay a salary + benefits or a consulting fee if an AI subscription can do it all?

All of this is both saddening and frightening. We're moving way too fast with no guard rails while the regulators aren't doing nearly enough. But as someone whose fanfics were scooped up in the Ao3 scrape... I'm really just fucking pissed.

Not even badly written smut is safe.

As a fan creator, I don't write analysis, impressions, fanfiction, collect data, or draw fan art to profit from it. Everything I do on here, Ao3, and in the LibreOffice suite or my sketchbook is out of pure love. Someone's creation inspired me to create something else and that's a wonderful thing, I think. Isn't that the heart of creating art, literature, any kind of media? Wanting to share ideas and inspiring others in turn?

But AI art isn't creating anything except more climate risks. It uses "training sets" curated without permission and takes out the human from the idea sharing process. My fanfiction about dudes getting railed is going to be a data point among billions to spit out some machine's best guess of what m/m erotica looks like. My very personal story based on my childhood SA experience is in there, too. That's not something I wanted to share with the world at large- only the very few people who would want to read that sort of account. I especially didn't want it to be rounded up and used to train an AI model for someone else's benefit.

Fan works are created from a place of adoration for the original work. To gather them up and claim that it's okay because they can't be copyrighted since they're derivative works (legally dubious argument, by the way) and feed some techbro's avarice is fucking anti-human.

Everything we make for joy and personal enrichment is made with bits of our own life stories. We put fragments of things we think, feel, and experience into everything- especially works of pure love for fandom. It's to do what the author of the original work did for us: get the idea out there, and inspire others in turn. Our own essence is not put out there so someone can avoid picking up a metaphorical pencil! It's not shared so someone can put it in a data set and sell it off without our knowledge or consent! It's especially not put out there to enable others avoid exploring their own potential while someone profits from providing easy, seemingly convincing results off those stolen bits of humanity! Art is not created to help others avoid creating art themselves yet still enjoy the benefits of it.

So that's where I'm at, I guess.

I don't need to be hired because AI's getting good at what I do for a living. My hobby isn't safe to share with everyone because it will get scraped and used for training AI too. So where do I go and what do I do?

Job front's terrifying right now and frankly I don't know what I can do to keep my house next year. As for my hobbies, well, I can restrict access. I opted out of Tumblr's data gathering and increased search engine visibility, and I'm not above closing shop if they are found to be selling the info after all. I locked my fics on Ao3 to logged in users only. I pretty much never share my sketches since it's a hassle anyway, and only on Tumblr. I use an open source applications suite that doesn't hoover up all my info to create all my fics and do data gathering. It's a goddamn shame that I'm incentivised to hide and lurk instead of participate in fandom if I want control over my own output. That's reality though.

Where's Ao3 at, though? I'm slightly confused where the official Ao3/OTW responses have been about this issue. The most helpful information I got was from a blog post on PaperDemon, who was also affected by the scrape. There's nothing on Ao3's official accounts about the incident that I can find. The most recent comment of any kind is buried in the April newsletter:

Not exactly the kind of response I was looking for. The initial mention in March was similarly vague and buried:

It might not even have anything to do with the scrape! Combined with them openly allowing AI-generated content, I wonder if there isn't a reason to find or make a different repository for fan works... I came across SquidgeWorld Archive, which looks like a fork of the OTW project. It might be worth considering.

I'm not going to let myself drown in hopelessness and stop creating stuff, but I don't feel great about it right now, I gotta admit. I wanted to share the joy with everyone who cared to check it out, not worry about who can see it and if they'll try to use it to put other creatives out of a job. Pilfering a community so selfless as fandom for such anti-human behaviour is awful and I wish there was a way to put a stop to it. But laws lag behind and there's no incentive for them to catch up, much less enforce what already exists, when techbro money is dangled with an implicit promise to look the other way.

I hope most people chose humanity being in charge of the business of self-expression, but with how under-valued the arts already are, who knows what will happen...

#long post #archive of our own #data scraping #ai training #Old man yells at cloud I guess #Or old man uselessly complains about the inexorable forward march of technology as he's made obsolete

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radiantmorningstar · 3 months ago

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Solo Theory 11: Getting Unstuck

31 March 2025 / Year 298 AC of the Bat, Stormsday, 31st of Unlocking

Sometimes, we can't find the portal to our inner worlds . . .

“The planet is lit during the day by the bright yellow sun. At night, however, the moon shines like a cold grey lantern as it circles the sleeping world. Like the stars, the moon is called by many names, but every culture surprisingly believes it to be male. The swamp-dwelling peoples of south-east Allansia know it as Kuran, the child of Assamura the sun goddess.” — “The Skies of Titan,” Titan: The Advanced Fighting Fantasy World

This is as much a DM diary post as it is a discussion of solo RPG theory. But, for soloists, especially for people like me (ostensible grognards, generally trying to solo the OSR and its descendants) a few anecdotal words about getting unstuck might be useful.

In my opinion, we get “stuck” as solo gamers when three things intersect: (1) decrease in time; (2) decrease in energy; and (3) too much emotional distance from the story underway. These three things nearly always coincide for gainfully employed adults, but I think they could also affect teenagers in high school, retirees, or really anyone leading an active life and trying to game along with a schedule full of other responsibilities. But let’s also note that this post, as with all of my posts, is for everyone—not just grognards or OSRists or people of a particular age or identity. We’re all gamers here. And in that, at least, I hope we can think of ourselves as friends who just haven’t met up yet (or again).

We may all be prone to getting stuck and feeling unmotivated to solo our games when we’re stressed, tired, and have been thinking about other things for too long. Incidentally, this is probably true for anything creative, but since this is a blog about solo RPGing, we can ask the “getting unstuck” questions in those terms: how do we get back into the current of our story? How do we get excited again about what our characters are doing? How do we keep going when it seems mundanity has kicked open the doors to our inner world and started busting up the place?

I get stuck a lot. I’m a grown-ass adult with a car, a job, a significant other, and two other traditional art forms that I take very seriously. Like many TTRPGers, I also read voraciously and try to maintain a sense of wonder about the world in opposition to the deadening effects of western late-stage capitalism. In other words, I think being creative—which very much includes solo gaming—is inherently subversive in an economy that only values me for what I can monetize.

You might say I think of myself as a resident of my own, self-generated pirate utopia: “Scattered throughout the net were islands, remote hideouts where ships could be watered and provisioned, booty traded for luxuries and necessities. Some of these islands supported ‘intentional communities,’ whole mini-societies living consciously outside the law and determined to keep it up, even if only for a short but merry life” (Hakim Bey, The Temporary Autonomous Zone). As such, it’s up to me to make this “mini-society” in my imagination work if I want to keep living in it.

There are a lot of suggestions on internet platforms like Reddit and YouTube for ways to stay motivated. But I think the best suggestion I’ve seen has come from Daniel on his Dungeon Dive YouTube channel. He has videos that directly address the issue of keeping going with a solo RPG run, but my realization about this actually came from an indirect comment of his. When talking about his “Top Ten Solo RPG Things (games, tools, systems, etc.),” he mentions how he lays Outdoor Encounter Cards out in a series, almost like a series of procedurally generated rooms or points on a map.

I thought this was really interesting and it started me thinking about how I could do that with oracle tables. So I went over to Roberto Bisceglie’s Loner: Steel and Sorcery game, which has amazing random tables keyed to solo TTRPG fantasy, and made a five-prompt progression using five tables relevant to the situation my Holmes Basic characters are currently in: (1) Mysterious Ruins & Temples; (2) Mystery & Wonder; (3) Forbidden Knowledge & Its Price; (4) Treasures Hidden in Dangerous Places; and (5) two inspiration key words combined with Rewards Offered by Powerful Patrons. I didn’t read any of the entries. I only noted down the results (most were obtained with a d66).

The above method seems exiting as a way to simulate the mystery and dramatic tension of laying out a bunch of encounter / situation cards face-down, while maintaining a sense of progression and structure. And I can feel the spark coming back to my game (to my mind) again. Moreover, if you’re using Trey: Solo Roleplaying as a storytelling engine, which breaks the game into scenes like a teleplay or screenplay, this fits really well. It gives a strong “writer’s room” vibe to the game. That’s not a bad thing at all, in my opinion.

I think it’s also possible to do this in a variety of ways, not just through cards or random tables. Any kind of RPG “oracle” (especially improvised ones like books or TV channels or going into a public place and listening for random things people say) can work in a five-step (almost five-act) dramatic structure. And, as with all solo tools, you don’t have to follow what they give you very closely or at all. You just have to pay attention to what comes into your head when you look at the result and make it coherent to the story at hand.

I hope this is of some benefit to my fellow soloists out there, who will inevitably become “stuck” when they have to act like responsible adults with people depending on them and cannot always return to their inner worlds as planned and hoped.

Keep playing. Don’t give up. Part of the fun is finding solutions to obstacles that come up in this very unique hobby of ours. May your pirate utopia continue in danger and mystery.

“Early explorers thought the Caribbean was paradise: they found nothing but deserted islands and bountiful treasures. It wasn’t until thousands had left their crowded, blighted homelands and settled in among the islands that they encountered the Scourge.” — Luke Stratton, Pirate Borg

#solo rpg #ttrpg #ttrpg community #solo rpg mood #ttrpg theory

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theevolvingimportanceofmedic · 4 months ago

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The Evolving Importance of Medical Communications Services in Healthcare

In an extremely competitive market, it is a fact that many therapeutic products, medical devices, and clinical studies are never recognized by ethical committees or are removed from the market for reasons other than safety considerations. This challenging landscape makes it crucial for healthcare organizations to communicate their research, findings, and product benefits effectively. With so much at stake, medical communications in health care is a critical priority that demands careful attention and strategic planning.

Effective medical communication in healthcare bridges the gap between innovation and real-world impact, driving informed decisions and improving patient outcomes by presenting clear, accurate, and compelling scientific narratives throughout the product lifecycle and involving the stakeholders at every stage to ensure an adequate scientific dialogue about the shared knowledge. This comprehensive approach ensures that valuable medical innovations reach their intended audiences and make meaningful contributions to healthcare advancement.

What is medical communications?

Medical communication is a vast field with a variety of roles catering to a huge audience associated with organizational dynamics within medical settings such as regulatory bodies, congresses, and medical societies. This multifaceted discipline requires expertise in both scientific knowledge and communication strategies to convey complex medical information to diverse stakeholders effectively.

Medical communication ensures that treatment plans are effectively conveyed to patients in both inpatient and outpatient settings. Effective medical communication, like technical communication, and MedTech marketing, emphasizes clear, informative, and actionable content that is relevant to target audiences.

So, in short, medical communication is the intersection of clinical research, clinical science, scientific research and development, pharmaceuticals, diagnostic aids, medical devices, biotechnological corporations, patient care, business strategy, and mass media. This interconnected network of disciplines requires skilled professionals who can navigate complex scientific concepts while maintaining clarity and accuracy.

What services come under medical communications?

Medical writers are highly qualified professionals, including doctorates, scientists, and subject matter experts, well-versed in cutting-edge science, technology, and tools. They access data from platforms like PubMed, PUBSTRAT, iEnvision, and CITRIX, covering all therapy areas and every stage of drug development. These professionals combine their scientific expertise with strong communication skills to create impactful content that serves various healthcare needs.

Examples of medical communication include but are not limited to:

Scholarly Writing– Abstract, research papers, manuscripts, review articles written by scholars of medicine and human health.

Grant Proposals– Writing proposals for accessing grants in medical research funding, including detailed methodology and potential impact assessments

Systematic Reviews & Data Analysis– Writing systematic reviews and narrative reviews, preparing cohort series, writing protocols for randomized controlled trials, developing pre-meeting decks based and analyzing complex data

Health Policy & Advocacy– Health care policy and regulatory documents, as well as health-related advocacy materials for non-profit organizations

Pharmaceutical Marketing– Pharmaceutical marketing and public relations documents including e-detailers, emailers, newsletters, pharma leave behind literature, designed to effectively communicate product benefits and safety information

Digital Health Content- Medical and health advice articles written and presented for online audiences in the form of video bytes and whiteboard animations

Patient-Provider Communication- healthcare provider communication materials ranging from in-person conversations that doctors and nurses have with patients and their families to video chats, emails, e-detailing aids, e-post messages, and medical/treatment standard operating procedures

Internal Medical Communication-Group and organizational communication within medical settings, including conversations and medical documentation shared between health care providers, and between administrative leadership including pre and post webinar materials and follow-up resources

Why is medical communication important?

Medical practitioners possess a wealth of knowledge and expertise in their respective fields. However, these skilled and experienced professionals do often need specialized assistance when it comes to publishing their years of valuable work in reputable journals. The journey from research to publication involves multiple complex steps that demand dedicated support and guidance.

The process begins with the crucial need for someone to meticulously plan meeting agendas, craft well-structured abstracts, and develop comprehensive manuscripts. A significant component involves conducting thorough systematic literature reviews, which requires extensive database searches, critical analysis of existing research, and systematic documentation of findings.

Not just this but performing detailed meta-analyses to effectively position the drug or medical products in today’s highly competitive market is an intricate task that typically spans 12 months or more to yield meaningful results accepted by the medical congresses and the ethical committees.

What is the role of a medical communication agency?

Agencies working in medical communications specialize in creating custom healthcare content. They have experts who excel in creating content tailored for every stage of product development, from regulatory approval to final omnichannel marketing, ensuring it effectively reaches the target audience, whether healthcare professionals or patients.

Their services portfolio includes strategic consultation for drug development, brand positioning, innovative digital solutions, and creative material design. They excel in developing impactful messaging campaigns enhanced with informative infographics and provide extensive medical liaising services within specified timeframes. These agencies effectively manage all aspects of medical communication, ensuring everything is meticulously organized and delivered well before deadlines, allowing healthcare professionals to focus on their core responsibilities while maintaining confidence in their communication strategies.

#medical writting #cats of tumblr #medical communicaion #medical menagement #RWE #clinical trial

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