#so maybe i'll write something for my mental health lol

[marauderswolf22]

oh god im in the phase when im something between "i want to cry because of fictional or non fictiontal but not touching me things that makes my heart melts" and "i want to write something where my fav fictional character cry over those things"

[esamastation]

Well

Metagaming started with a plan and then veered WAY off course. Also, a little bit of spite was maybe involved.

Might end up lol. But yeah, the Cast Iron thing was plan from the very start. There was also some video I watched on YouTube, can't remember by who, but it had a mention of concept of mana in Polynesian cultures and how it can be gained through sexual acts, etc, not really important. Still, there was some spite and previous random research influencing the planning process.

*going out his way.

Yeah, so the original plan was for Shen Qingqiu to figure out the sex thing out and also have a lot of it probably, and eventually turning it into mastery, etc etc. It was a fun enough plan. There was going to be a lot of smut. Experienced and confident sqq, hell yeah.

.... And then I actually wrote a bit further and the story turned into something else. Arguably what it ended up becoming as it progressed is probably better - but I still have this other story in my head about Sqq with more confident and comfortable attitude towards his own, healthy, sex life. Alas, no plan survives encounter with the enemy and Sqq's various issues won, and then various issues of Qing Jing Peak started cropping up. That's the risk you take when you go in depth - you find the depths.

Still, the rough shape of the harem survived, if not all the educational and casual sex I was planning for sqq to be having. His character just didn't work with it.

Yeaaah this sort of thing happens to me a lot. I start writing one thing and end up writing another. But that's fine, it was fun exploring mental health care and stuff in xianxia setting and it went interesting directions later on in Character Optimisation. I ended up hanging onto the idea of "Sqq as eventual Master of Dual Cultivation" probably to the story's overall detriment, really should've killed my darling there, but I just couldn't. Hindsight is whatever, that's just what happens sometimes when plans go awry.

I haven't abandoned the fic yet. The last part is going to be called Power Levelling and I have like 10% of the start and 20% of the end roughly planned out but I have no idea what happens in the middle and that's why I haven't yet written a word of it. Still, I hold onto hope. I'll write it one day.

In conclusion, plans change, stories go off the rails and overall it's all going to be okay 👍

[emersonfreepress]

help i'm alive

So! Long time, no see. 2023 was a whole goddamn lot lol

I don't have a demo update to share yet, but that's because I had to scrap nearly everything I managed to write during a very, very, very bad stint of writer's block last year. I hadn't even realized it had been a block like that until I went over my work so far last month and realized it was bad -- like, trust me; a slog to read that didn't even sound like me. It's been extremely frustrating but I've finally broken free of that and it's been easy and actually fun to write again for the first time in actual years. I just hate giving updates that have no actual news in them. And I really had nothing to share other than: I deleted thousands of words and feel so much better now 😅

Anyway, little about my demo plans have changed: I'm still putting out the Chapter 3 demos in Choicescript/on Dashingdon and then will be going dark to move things over to Twine. Where I am in the process right now is... feeling like 35% done with the overhauled version of this chapter and 50% done for the next demo update.

As far as asks, I'm... not really sure what to do?? I believe I've read them all (I love you guys), but so much time has passed since getting most of them that I'm not sure if it's, like... still pertinent??? To go back and answer them?? I suppose some of them like character asks could be, but all the nice messages of support -- that feels weird since I've practically ghosted this blog since August! Idk. Y'all tell me what to do with 'em and I'll do it. Maybe I should make a poll.

Uh... that's really all there is to say regarding the game! I've added some personal stuff after the cut, but if you're done here: Thanks for reading and sticking around. It means the world, for real.

So what has occupied my time all this time? Doctor, therapy, money, and friends. And improv! But especially the first two. There was a lot of non-writing related stuff fucking up my ability to focus and write, so hopefully with my mind and body both feeling a lot better, I can get back to being present and active with the game. I didn't realize how physically unwell I was until last year and it's been like... life-long issues I've been treating. It turns out it's not normal to feel exhausted enough to sleep at any given time, at all times, for your whole life! wow!!

I also uninstalled Tumblr from my phone back in February, so you could say I'm sort of generally focused on offline life. (And what an interesting coincidence that my writer's block dissipated shortly after that...) I also just moved!! The last two weekends have been so expensive and stressful -_- But I can't even compare the old place to the new. We're basically paying the same price for idek how much more space. The cats are so happy; which means the house humans get to be happy.

My schedule is finally freed up from constant medical shit (there was a 3-month stretch this winter with multiple doctor appointments literally every fucking week 🙃🙃🙃). My mental health is doing a lot better -- literally incomparably better compared to where I was this time last year. There's live comedy now (which I dabble in, to be clear lol), but I've finally found myself able to like... balance it all. The physical and creative energy that goes into it all, anyway. The lovely thing about improv is that you kinda just show up and do your thing -- it doesn't cut into my writing time so much as it costs energy. Unless I end up in this comedy debate show thing next month, which I am very excited to give up writing time for

So like... Life is life-ing and I'm just vibing. Or something? I'll be around.

Thank you all again so much for your interest, support, patience, and readership <3

[sl33paholics]

Let's Start The Day Together.

Retsu Kaioh x black!fem reader

Warning(s): mentions of mental health / illnesses (social anxiety n depression), body image issues, social anxiety

I've been having a shitty, exhausting week. I had a huge exam on Tuesday and am now off for the rest of the week until my other exam. Had a health scare, so that wasn't good lol so I wanted to make this writing piece for comfort. This is more of a self-insert, but lowkey made it an "x reader" in case people can relate

It's hot.

You can feel small sweat glands running down your face as you scratch your durag to relieve the itching you had from last night, letting out a huft as you lay on your messy bed trying to get comfortable. You don’t know if it was the fact that you just woke up or if you were going crazy but somehow, this felt like a dream.

You felt sticky.

You were in heat.

You shifted your attention from the ceiling to the small clock on your desk. It was after 1:30 pm.

Your body temperature felt way hotter than normal, especially since you had slept with a sports bra on with your long, baggy ass shorts. Your durag smelled like sweat, and your skin smelled disgusting. You didn’t want to go to work today. But at least the heat was tolerable. You tried to rub away some of the sweat with a shirt that's been sitting on your bed for days, but that only made it worse.

You groaned, sitting up and rubbing your temples. Your head was pounding, making you nauseous.

Taking a good look around your decent-sized spaced room, it was a mess. Sorta. It was a chore to clean up when you have containers filled with unused clothes that you don't bother to wear, boxes of items that you hadn't opened once you moved out those years ago, or even your books that you had yet to read. Your closet looked like there was never an organization to it whatsoever; your bookshelves were mostly empty except for your favorite books. You had no pictures of family that hung anywhere. Everything seemed to be in the same state you left it in.

Why bother to clean? You'd always ask yourself, no one visits. So why would you bother taking care of anything? Maybe you could take a shower. Maybe. Hopefully. You weren't sure what else to do to cool off, besides sleep. You slowly stood up, stretching your arms above your head while yawning. When you finally decided that it was enough to rest for now, you made your way into your bathroom.

At least you took care of your living room. It looks decent if you're ignoring the fact that it took almost a month to finally get off your lazy ass to do something about it. It smells nice and feels nice as if a huge weight got lifted off whenever you step out of your horrid room.

After you did your business, you couldn't help but look at yourself in the mirror. Baggy eyes, stretch marks from your arms to the lower half of your stomach, and your unkempt hair. As if you looked homeless. As if you were lost in a trance, you didn't hear your front door being unlocked and opened by someone who had a spare key. You didn't even realize someone was in your apartment until they walked in.

"Y/N?" a voice called out to you as you shifted your attention to the person behind you, Retsu standing at the doorway with bags in his hand. Restu must've come over here because he wanted to check if everything was okay. "Did you just wake up? Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt." He'd say, looking away to the side. You couldn't help but wonder if he wasn't used to seeing you in your condition. "I just wanted to make sure you're alright," he finished. His brows furrowed as he stared you dead in the eye. Was Retsu mad at you? That doesn't seem possible, but maybe he was just concerned for you? You shook it off, deciding not to dwell on it too much.

"Yeah," you replied awkwardly, putting your hands in your pockets. "I'm just feeling kind of under the weather right now... but I'll be alright." You trailed off, giving him a smile. As the two of you were settling down, you noticed that Retsu brought groceries and other things you'd need. You knew he was trying to make you feel better, so you appreciated it. You didn't even realize how hungry you were until Retsu mentioned food. How embarrassing, how did I forget about food? You thought, biting your lip sheepishly. It was quiet between you two. The only noise in the apartment was Retsu putting stuff away and making the two of you lunch. Once he was finished, he placed plates in front of you on the coffee table while he sat down across from you. You thanked him.

Silence. What was there to even talk about? You felt bad. Retsu did all this and took time out of his day to come to see you, only for you to not spark up a conversation. You let out a loud sigh. "Y/N." You looked over at him, noticing a soft expression on his face. It seemed to be a mixture of concern and pity. "Something's bothering you."

"Retsu, please..." You began. He held his hand up, stopping you immediately.

"Just tell me what's wrong."

"But-"

"No, Y/N," he interrupted sternly, "I've been texting you for days now. I haven't gotten one reply once. You're not looking too well, what happened? Your co-workers are saying you're not showing up to work either." Retsu would ask again. He was starting to sound annoyed. He leaned back on his chair, crossing his arm.

You sighed, knowing he wouldn't take no for an answer. "Okay. Fine." You looked back at your food, not sure what to say. The silence stretched for what felt like forever before you started speaking up again. "I'm just having one of those moments...y'know? I don't know. I don't think I left this building in a week?" You let out a nervous giggle, but you could tell Retsu wasn't happy with your response. "I don't have anybody who I consider friends that I can hang out with. I have work-friends. Not best friends. They do not acknowledge me outside of that, so I've just been in here in my room." You'd say turning your attention away from Retsu, your eyebrows frowning at what you just said.

Retsu didn't respond. You felt a pang of guilt run through you. He probably thinks you're a loser for talking to him like this. You rambled on how much it was difficult to wake up on time, and if you did, you didn't want to go anywhere for the day. You neglected your hygiene and physical appearance. Going on and on, you felt overwhelmed every time you looked in the mirror. You finally stopped your rant once you felt your throat clogging up and tears running down your face.

You sniffled, wiping at your eyes, hoping to catch them before you cry.

Retsu didn't move or speak for a few seconds, and then you heard him stand up from his seat. Before you could protest, you felt strong arms wrap themselves around you, hugging you tightly. You hugged him back as you felt your breath catch in your throat. "If it makes you feel better... I woke up around one o'clock. Last time, I woke up around six in the evening." You said with a chuckle to lighten up the mood. You let him go, but not before resting your hands on his chest to keep him at arm's length. You could feel your heart racing.

Retsu chuckled. "It does," he admitted. A genuine was spread across your face, the first one you'd smiled in weeks. You wiped at your eyes again before giving Retsu another hug. It was warm. You missed the warmth of him around you. He gave you another pat on your back before pulling away from the hug. He got on one knee before clasping your hand tightly. "I'm glad you told me what's been going on, Y/N." Retsu would say as you noticed his thumb was caressing on top of your hand. "And whatever's bothering you now, I'll do my best to help you." The sincerity in his voice was hard to ignore. You were touched by his words. "I'll stay the night here with you." Retsu would say, standing up again.

"You don't have to, I can take care of myself..." You tried to tell him. Retsu shook his head.

"I know, but that doesn't mean I can't watch over you, y'know." He gave you a reassuring smile as he offered his hand again to help you up. You took it hesitantly, allowing him to pull you up. "Let's leave in a few minutes. Getting fresh air is always good for the body." Retsu suggested.

You agreed easily, still feeling a little bit guilty for not opening up to him sooner. If only you had. But you were happy enough to have a guy like Retsu around to assist you during your roughest times.

[keresnotceres]

ker’s masterlist:

A list of my works for your convenience. Anything listed that is not underlined is unposted but is in the works! This is a working post, so it will update. As a result, more fandoms may be added.

This account is a side blog! If you get a reblog/like/follow from miloticaquarium i promise it’s me!! just like,, a less cool version of me lol

I also take requests :) Rules + Information under my works!

CALL OF DUTY: MODERN WARFARE II (2022)

headcanons:

TF 141: General HCs [sfw]

TF 141: NSFW HCs [nsfw]

TF 141: Civilian Lover [sfw]

TF 141: Realizing They Love You [sfw]

TF 141: “I Love You” [sfw]

MW2 Characters: as Lovers [sfw]

MW2 Characters: as Lovers (Angst) [sfw]

Valeria & Alejandro: 3some HCs [nsfw] (afab reader)

Ghost, Soap, & Gaz: Tattoo Artist Lover [sfw]

MW2 Characters: High School AU [sfw]

tbc…

oneshots:

ANGST:

You, With the Watercolor Eyes (Ghost x GN!Reader)

While on deployment, Ghost has nightmares in which you, his lover, fall out of love with him. The emotional turmoil from this causes him to fall into old, self-destructive habits. [sfw]

tbc…

FLUFF:

tbc…

SMUT:

Good, Good, Great (Ghost x Fem!Reader)

The two of you are roommates. You’re a bottle girl for the local strip club Myth, Ghost had been coerced into discussing information at the strip club. You’re miraculously on shift, and you’re flirting your way into a damn good tip. Just so happens that Ghost doesn’t like to share (even if you aren’t really his). [nsfw]

Say You're Mine (Ghost x Fem! Reader Good, Good, Great pt 2)

A few months later, Ghost takes his leave without telling you. He shows up to Myth unexpectedly on a busy Friday night while you have a plethora of tables to attend. Ghost doesn't seem to enjoy how you're serving a bachelor party, and he chooses to do something about it when the two of you get back to your shared flat. [nsfw]

tbc…

STAR WARS (THE MANDOLORIAN)

headcanons:

tbc…

FAIRY TAIL

headcanons:

Team Natsu: General HCs [sfw]

Sabertooth: General HCs [sfw]

tbc…

I usually stick to headcanons, but I sometimes stray to a one shot occasionally, requests are open for both! Please read the information below carefully before you request :)

I WILL WRITE: (I will gladly take requests for these)!

FEM and GN readers: As a cis girl, I am not particularly comfortable writing a male reader. Keep this in mind when requesting, please. If you don’t want a feminine reader, please let me know to write with a GN reader in mind and I’ll happily do so!

Fem and Masc characters: I will write for both! I like both so why wouldn’t I write for both?

Angst: My FAVORITE thing to write!! Please send me sad things to write about and I will literally speed right through it like a child mowing through a bag of apple slices.

Fluff: Sometimes consuming copious amounts tooth-rotting fluff to cope with the depressing content you just consumed is just what you need!

Smut: I can and will do it because I am nothing more than a simp; but you better look at the thin ice and will not write sections before you even think of asking me. Generic kinks and light BDSM are okay, see other categories for constraints.

Mental Health Struggles: Reader or character! Can include mental illnesses, coping mechanisms, and things like self harm or eating disorders. Not technically mental health related, but insecurities and family issues are also welcome.

THIN ICE: (I could write it, but it icks me).

Pregnancy and/or Breeding Kink, Somnophilia, CNC, and Cheating.

Throwing up/Vomit: I am extremely emetophobic. The only way I'll accept anything with something like this is: a) it's previous to what I am writing and/or b) it relates to an ED.

Slowburn: Not really my thing. Like, I could try, but it won’t really end up being a slow burn. Maybe like a going-the-speed-limit burn.

I WILL NOT WRITE: (If you ask me for any of these, you’re getting blocked!).

MALE reader: I’m sorry but as a person who is not and will not ever be a man I just don’t feel comfortable writing in the perspective of one.

Certain kink/fetishes (DDLG, ageplay, scat, uro, & other such bodily functions, feet), Incest, Pedophilia/Underage, Rape, Sexual assault, and Yandere/Stalker behavior.

KER is the singular form of KERES, a female spirit of death from Ancient Greek mythos. CERES is a dwarf planet named after the Roman goddess of agriculture, fertility, and motherly relationships.

[summertimemusician]

Linktober (Shadow) 2023, Day 11

Monsters (Dead Hand)

Summer Stop Giving Reader/PoV Character and the Chain a Hard Time and Trauma Challenge (impossible) /j. But really I'll probably write something lighter for Linktober or Linktober Shadow later to compensate for this one lol. Probably a sequel to this one that has Reader actually having a nice time with the Links for once.

Technically since unfortunately studying for future exam season in like a couple of days has been kicking me in the ribs and thus my time was highly cut and unfortunately I don't have an Ocarina to give me more, this is actually a mix of prompts! The ones in the title, Keese, Wolfos, Wizzrobe, Lizalfos, Redead, and Boss, although they are not the focus here, mostly just mentioned but technically checking out the boxes, maybe next time I'll go more in deep on that (Like the original idea that basically was Reader taming a pet Wolfos as a guard hound that I will not elaborate on at least not this year), instead y'all get this with the boss that gave a lot of people childhood trauma and was never seeing again since because we really don't talk about just why Dead Hands are terrifying much, just that they are, really missed opportunity to use them more in an LU context lol.

As always any relationship between Reader and any of the Chain can be interpreted as romantic or platonic, and Reader is Gender Neutral on Purpose. And First is here because again, this would have been longer if exam season wasn't kicking me in the ribs and I have some really evil ideas involving First, Reader and Time bonding over having trauma of enclosed spaces, but thankfully y'all don't get that today lol, or not, it would be a really fluffy scene so up to y'all if it's a win or a loss.

TW:

Don't think there's anything too heavy-ish? But I'm a horror fan so I'm not someone who can accurately judge that. I'd say graphic descriptions of violence and gore, and being restrained/pinned in place and the entire deal that is the Dead Hand's existing, so please don't read if you're squeamish or uncomfortable. Health is important and specially mental health and I always leave these warnings on Linktober Shadow related prompts or heavier stories, so just a heads up so no one is caught by surprise.

Anyway, enjoy reading!

It was an almost unanimous agreement that no hero liked to pass through a cemetery in Hyrule.

From the restless Gibdo, to the mischievous yet usually cruel Poes and the lost Ghini, to the ever wandering Stalfos and the ghastly agonized Redead and ever determined ghoulish Garo, nothing good ever came from entering in areas where dead things roam. You can't be sure if it's because of the magic in Hyrule, the living force of light and shadow and the divinity coursing through the land, or simply the will of the undead or the consequences of Demise attempting to claim the Triforce, graveyards and desolated fields meant silence, they should be where those who are gone should finally acquire their final catharsis, not to roam endlessly without release, solemn as these places are they are still places for a peaceful end and to be denied such due to the whims of the Shadow... You can think of very few awful fates that can compare.

('Terrible fates, you could say.' The grimly bemused part of your mind whispers, as you walk alongside Time further down into the crypt that you and the Chain had followed the shadow into, silver, prisitne armor briefly blends with old, rusted, bloody gold and you think you hear the rattling of bones in the distance, the draw of a rusted, but still serviceable sword. You shut it away with a snarl as you cut down the Stalfos attempting to ambush Wild from the rear, and it goes down and back into the darkness with a screech alongside the chilling knowleged and the sick cracking of broken bones, not on your watch, never on your watch, you refuse.)

"Of all places why did it have to be a bloody crypt?" Grimaced Warriors, casting a weary glance towards the skulls decorating the walls, their empty sockets empty but silently cutting, as if sneering at the fact you lot had dared disturb the dead, as if it wasn't the Shadow's mere presence making what would otherwise be a place for rest into a possible death trap.

Legend smirked, though you could tell he wasn't anymore pleased from the way he marched through the cold, cracked stone floor, steps flighty and eyes darting around corners, "What, a bit too much for you, soldier boy?"

"No," came the prim answer, although the twitch of the hand near his scabbard as you stepped into an open chamber gave him away, as well as Wind being kept at his side rather than near the wall, "Just don't generally like fighting the undead in closed spaces. It's a recipe for disaster."

"On that I believe we all can agree on." Came Time's voice, cutting through the banter, tense as a drawn bowstring, you knew being back in a crypt wasn't easy for him, with the way his jaw tensed, you both had the same awful memories of a similarly buried, abandoned place where dead things roamed without cease, frantic, hungry for the warmth of the living, "Keep your guard up, and stay close together."

Almost as if on cue came the monsters from the open corridors, you didn't hesitate in drawing your blade to cut through the enemy, keese were easily dispatched by Four and Legend's swords, you spun to slit the throat of a growling Wolfos from Twilight's era going for Sky's back just as he mercilessly chased down the Black Lizalfos, the beast clearly avoiding the glow from the Sword of Evil's Bane. Time's back to yours as you cleared the path for him and blocked the Shadow's exit through the left corridor, it had already proven that it would not matter if you did or not, but you refused to not let it work for survival.

The jolt of magic being used crawling up your spine was your first warning. Like the build up of lightning in a storm, the taste of rust and a feeling like tar  slithers up your throat.

The second was Wild's warning shout as the chamber shook with the grating, chilling, blood curdling howl of the Redeads, Time lunging away from your side to slash the beasts away from Wind and Warriors with all of the fury of a wolf defending it's pack, before you had to throw yourself back, slamming your back against the arch on the right as it caved in, lest you be crushed alongside the Wolfos coming for your neck the second the older hero moved.

You were separated.

You were alone.

A really, really bad spot to be when in Hyrule's catacombs.

"Are you alright?!", Came muffled from the other side of the stones, the hint of an actual wolf's growl and the distinctive Ordonian cadence, Twilight.

"I'm fine! Keep fighting, I'll find my way to you guys!", You yell back, heart racing, trying not to think about what you could find on your way back, you didn't have any bombs on you, it wasn't feasible to use them in a place as old as this, not without risk bringing down the ceiling on you and the Chain. But most catacombs have interconnected hallways, if you moved quickly, you might just avoid finding anything that you won't be able to handle on your own.

You think Twilight replies, but it's muffled by another Redead's yowl, you wince, your muscles lock up and you feel something warm drip from your ears, but thankfully you are not rendered immobile due to the involuntary wall, you swallow your trepidation and get moving.

The further you get away from the fallen stones, the more silent the catacombs extending from the crypt you were dropped in became, shadows twist oddly by the torches upon the wall with only your breathing and the cold, unfeeling remains of the dead to keep you company, the lowly burning flames bringing you no warmth. The corridors blended together in the darkness cast by the faint light, the shades contorting themselves in the crevices of your paranoia the longer you went on with only your own hurried footsteps to make any true sound.

Not one monster had found it's way to you thus far, though, and according to the copy of the map Legend had made the second you had acquired the original from a very unfortunate Wizzrobe from Wild's era. You just needed to pass one more open chamber to find the corridor leading to your boys, You couldn't keep them waiting, who knew how long it would take for the fight to finish if Redead's were involved? And staying still when the Shadow could turn itself intangible was practically begging it to switch it's attention, it usually didn't pay you as much mind as it did the heroes, Time specially (it seemed to hold a grudge against him more than any of your boys, you noted bitterly), but it would occasionally target you if it meant getting a rise from any of the Link's or if it felt you were too  secure in your safety, it was better if you found your way back first to the hunt before you became hunted.

You grit your teeth, by Hylia's dripping gash, you were so. darn. tired. of. being. hunted.

Of watching your friends being led into a wild hunt with no end in sight, dragged by the noose by a remnant that refused to stay dead, you never thought you could burn with so much anger, with the desire to see if fire would scare it sober into ceasing in it's infection of all of Hyrule's Eras. But unfortunately you knew it didn't work like that, so you had to survive, you would survive, because someone had to protect the heroes when the heroes protected everyone else and if no one was going to step up to the job, you'd just have to do it yourself.

Shaking yourself from your thoughts, lest you end up drowning in them, you breath in relief as soon as you come upon the metal door with the symbol of the royal family, faded and rusted with age, there. You just needed to pass through this chamber and the corridor next to it, and you'd be back with Link, all of them, and hopefully out of here. You push it open, grip tightening on your long dagger, almost a sword, good enough to cut and hide. The thick and pungent combination of old, congealed blood, sick and decaying flesh, something like rotten eggs dipped in alcohol and withered flowers hits your nose, making you nauseous but you press on, the chamber is circular and dimly lit, with a long cracked, soft stone from a leak in the walls. You studiously do not look at the far corner of the dungeon or the pillory's and shackles scattered around near the cells,  there's a second door to the other side, as soon as you pass through it you'll be in another corridor.

... It's silent, too quiet. Unease slithers and twists around you like vines, but you can't delay, you won't, so you keep walking-

Until you can't.

Something has grabbed a hold of your leg. You look down, and your blood freezes, spotting a long, sickly, pale arm and a bright crimson, elongated nails, claw-like, digging into your ankle, having dug itself up from the fragile ground.

You don't hesitate, slashing down violently at the offending limb, frantic terror spreads through your blood, you knew what was here. It featured in your nightmares for a long, long time, you knew it still haunted Time's, the limb goes slack as it is severed, and you barely note the way it starts bleeding black and green at the stump, thankful for Four's expert craftsmanship and maintenance hints as you dive to the exit. You don't make it far, it's companion limbs  bursting in front of your path like a snake emerging from the ground, it makes a solid grab for your  arms, one of them grabs you by the scalp, firmly digging as you dodge and weave between, a stabbing pain upon your skull from the indomitable grip of something fueled by fury, twisted magic and rigor mortis and makes you cry out, your slight moment of hesitation allowing two more hands to latch onto your legs and arms, nails slicing through your flesh like easily and digging, tearing like a rabid hunting dog's teeth upon an unfortunate deer, leaving deep gashes upon your arms and ankles, it's not unlike being pinned and held to a torture rack, in hindsight, ironic given just where in the crypt you ended up.

Your hear the ground below shifting below you, a groan carrying through the air, awfully monstrous, coldly human. You struggle harder like a desperate butterfly upon a dissection board, from your peripheral, you see the form of the thing unhurriedly dragging itself over, it uses the sharp and bloody ends of where bone was broken to slice it's hands off to shuffle out of the grave, using it's stubs as support. Long long neck barely supporting it's elongated head, the scent of rot intensifies and you feel like gagging as it settles it's empty, frigid, hungry eye sockets on your bound form; it's broken jaw contorting itself in a mockery of a human smile over rotten gums and exposed teeth, stretching unnaturally and bringing emphasis to it's rotting, bloodied sunken features. From behind it's bloated, putrid shape, barely obscured by the bloodied white cloth and the grotesque vision of the undead you swear the crimson eyes of the shadow, watching you coldly, the hint of a knife sharp, serpentine smile as the sound of wet meat slamming across the ground rings in the chamber.

Fury mixes with your panic as you snarl, trying to twist the dagger in your grip as best as you can to drive it into the arms, pain and blood drips from the open wound but you don't care; you need to get away from the Dead Hand. A monster like that feels no pain when struck for it is not human, not any longer, and you couldn't hope to face an infected one alone, it shuffles over the floor, unhurriedly shuffling like a predator that knows it's prey can't run away, it moans and groans with hunger as it approaches and you have no intention of giving it a meal, you grit your teeth as the nails sink deeply into your shoulders and arms, using your blade to saw through rotting flesh and hopefully break bone with every single inch of strenght you have, the blade is slick in your hand with your own blood and the poison-tar of the Shadow's infection burning through you but you do not mind, can't. You need to get away-

The undead's teeth sink into the hollow of your collarbone, blunt, human teeth that shouldn't have half the strenght it does to rip through flesh, blood and crack bone, and you caterwaul with pain, skin crawling and numbing and set aflame with curses sent from the dark reflection of the hero, darkening, veins blackening, your eardrums vibrate with the force of your own agony and you are sure you could rival a Redead on pitch alone of your tortured howl. Struggling even more ferociously, attempting to disloged it, kick it off, your blade sucessfully slashes through the arm from your reverse grip, pushing away from it with the savegery off a cornered predator you sink your long dagger into the undead's eye sockets, tearing through it's cheek with animal ferocity, it keens high and chilling, you're losing blood quickly and it (for it's not a human, not anymore, you can't feel sympathy for it, won't. You can't hesitate.) knows, for it tries to chomp down onto your vulnerable neck, your arm being the only thing keeping it from biting it out as you growl with pain, although you can't be sure it just won't bite through, it's teeth are bared, the pitch of it's blank eyes locked onto yours in stalemate, you have the advantage of not being weakened by hunger and decay, not sluggish like it but that will not help for long, the clammy being determined to bleed you dry and feast on your corpse and you are drowning drowning drowningDROWNINGWITHWRETCHEDTORMENT MAKE.THE.PAIN.STOP-

A scream of your name, sword calloused hands yank you away from claws and fangs (because nothing with blunt teeth and nails should be able to wound someone so throughly), you waver on your feet, swaying, supported by a warm, strong body and pulled away. A sword slashes the foul being away from you and you go lax, numb with pain.

First, First was supporting you. Keeping you steady, stopping you from falling, snarling at the corpse with a lion's fury, holding you protectively. Time tears by him like a man possessed, frenzied with the look of a man looking at his worst nightmare and growling in denial. The Links, wounded but alive, the Chain had met you halfway.

The last thing you remember before losing conciousness as adrenaline leaves your body and everything goes dark, is wishing that they'll burn it to be sure it's gone for good. It's the kindest thing that can be done for a such a wretched existence.

You'd be okay.

[aerodaltonimperial]

Listen, Imma be real with y'all for a second.

In 2022, the Chrono Cross remaster came out for PS4. And that summer, I wrote a 50k epic about my two favorites from twenty years ago and dropped it on a long-dead fandom for an absolute rarepair. It was one of the most ridiculous, fruitless things I've ever written. I knew very few people would read it. I think I never got more than 50 hits on it. I did it anyway, because it was fun and I had a great time and I knew it was good. And then I got into wrestling, so I sort of never looked back at it, because I was writing other things.

I cannot tell you how many times I have opened up my AO3 account in the past... 6 months or so, and thought, so, people were only my friends while I was writing what they wanted, huh? I stopped writing this, and people just fled? I have opened up my old Hookhausen fics and sat with one finger hovering over the delete button so many times, because if that's all people cared about from me, I was gonna nuke it out of spite. I'm not necessarily proud of it, but it's felt awful this past half a year writing in such a bubble, and as my therapist can attest to, when I feel hurt, I lash out to hurt other people in turn. Vamp is the only reason I won't do it. But it's been so hard being plunged back into writing alone after so long of people caring what I was doing. It felt like writing that CC fic again, only this time, I knew that people had simply lost interest. In me as a person, really.

Fic is the only place I feel worth anything as a writer. Years of failure, and fandom is my only source of positive feelings about my own words and my own work. It's hard to lose that, especially in the wake of giving up a decade-long dream. It's HARD to lose the only thing keeping you going with a hobby, and I'll be the first to admit that I haven't been handling it well. I used fandom interaction on my fic to help fill all the pieces left exposed and smarting from failing at trad pub over and over and over. It's not a bad thing to do, really - a lot of writers suggest doing this, to help build motivation and confidence while trying to get published. But it only works when there are people there to read your fic, haha. Fandom, for me, has been contributing to my depression symptoms big time. At one point, my therapist suggested maybe I should step out of fandom and fic writing, because it was spiraling my mental health. And to have him tell me that, after our years together, really opened my eyes to how bad it had gotten for me in regards to my self-worth and self-confidence.

I got a comment on that CC fic this morning. It happens so rarely that it really caught me off-guard, but it was one of the nicest things ever, and I sat reading it thinking... okay. This is worth it, isn't it? That fic has been there for years, garnering so little attention it wouldn't have mattered if I had deleted it. I was reminded this morning that it does matter. That single comment on an obscure fandom that peaked twenty years ago and still never had many people in it, made me feel like spending my time in fandom is still something worth doing. I can't thank that reader enough for taking the time to leave it for me. If you ever think that your interaction with people's work doesn't matter, I hope this helps you feel differently. Maybe people aren't reading your fics right now, but maybe they'll find a fic you poured your heart and soul into a couple of years later.

Not sure why I am posting this LOL. I expect people will unfollow me. Sometimes, I feel like I can't talk about these things without seeming like a bitch, but y'all already know I'm a bitch anyway. 🤣 We write fic because we love it, because we adore the source material, because we have passion for the characters. But we post because we want to share and connect with people. It just feels so much like that second part has somehow gotten lost recently. Anyway. Back to your regularly scheduled Tumblr lives. 💚

[respondedinkind]

Quick (long) update.

|| I know I haven't been around in a hot minute, thought I'd give a quick update.

Sorry for vanishing like this, life has been a little wild recently; I started therapy a few weeks ago, next to me finding joy in a new game where I slipped into the fandom (rather hard lol) and realized that I am, right now, much happier with doing art and creating fics rather than RPing.

This might sound a little odd to some - but the thing is, my brain simply doesnt hold enough energy to do *all* the creative things I want to do. For example: RPing is incredibly fun but also *incredibly exhausting*, and whenever I put a lot of time into RPing, I am literally unable to do art or write fics. It's taking so much of my creative-energy-meter that it's empty quick, leaving me with being frustrated as I don't really get to create anymore.

So I decided to pursue creating art as well as writing fics for now, which means I basically vanished from RP tumblr in return. I know this might be frustrating to some - especially my writing partners - and I want to apologize for that, for said frustration I might have caused.

But it is what it is, and I am not going to change much about it anytime soon. I am actually feeling rather happy about being able to do art, write fics, and *not* worry about writing replies and possibly making partners wait. It's a sort-of-pressure that I've taken off of my own shoulders...

Which is needed right now as I, as mentioned, also started therapy. It's going to be a journey, and I was just diagnosed with general anxiety as well as depression (which could actually be a 'double-depression' on top of it, means it is a chronic depression as well as an 'episodic depression'). It feels... incredibly relieving, in a way, to finally have an official diagnosis and to know that yes, something IS going on with me, I am not just crazy in my head and/or lazy. However, the whole therapy-thing is only going to get harder from here on and I am already working on things that have been talked about, think about them in my head, work with what I have realized about myself and try to handle it.

I do have a whole diagnose-session going on in August for ADHD / Autism as well, which will *also* require a good chunk of my energy. So yeah, things are happening.

Long story short: I decided to put my priorities elsewhere for now, for my own mental health's sake, and my happiness. Reducing stress was *needed*, especially since I am only going to be more stressed while working on me, on my diagnosis, and on all the problems I finally want to be able to figure out and address, possibly solve. ---Something also happened in my private life a couple of months ago that basically, let's call it 'triggered', my sudden energy to finally ask for help after trying to handle everything for literal decades. So yeah. It's been a yeah so far lol.

I want to thank each and every single one of you for having been with me, RPed great stories, formed companionships over weeks and months; I won't delete this blog nor do I plan to 'archive it'. I'll just leave it like this and maybe, who knows, I will return to it (and my other blogs) at some point. I just don't want to put stress on me as in 'I will come back in x day / months', I'll just see where life takes me and when I find the energy to be here again, I will.

I love Khan, love Stephen, love Bones. I haven't lost my love for them, my attention is just elsewhere. (Including that cute game I have been playing, falling in love with some characters...)

I wish you all the best, sending you lots of vibes, happy thoughts, my eternal gratitude and some strength for whatever you need to deal with in your life. Remember that you are loved, that your thoughts are valid, that you are worth it. ♥

-waves-

PS: I do miss you, the people I formed friendships with. I miss you, our RPs, our conversations. In case we have been interacting much on here, but not actually exchanged other ways of staying connected besides tumblr - discord, for example - you are absolutely allowed to hit me up and I'll give you my discord. ♥

[bunny-hoodlum]

not tryna start fights lol. i really enjoy the descriptions of your story’s (they’re really different than most nh stories) but i hate reading unfinished works 😭 ive read wayyyy too many nh stories that end up with cliffhangers so i just wanted to know if there’s any reason why they all seem unfinished before i start getting invested

It's just an odd question to ask, is all, and you could've started your ask with this. Think about how your question came off. I had zero context behind your question and it just sounded bad. Like, most fics online are unfinished. Or they don't get updated for a long ass time. Or the writers just update when they feel like it, as opposed to most who update whenever they can.

Some people have family obligations, physical and or mental health issues.

Me? I probably have ADHD-Primarily Inattentive, I can't afford a diagnosis just yet, but I've always struggled with motivation, organizing myself, energy issues, headspace/focus issues.

Does having multiple ongoing fics seem counterintuitive? Yes, absolutely. But also, no, not at all. Because I'm having fun having multiple things to jump between.

I didn't plan to start multiple things in such a short amount of time. I participated in NHMonth2023 to the best of my ability and found out I understood how to write and thus rly enjoyed short stories, after kind of avoiding and not trying for the entirety of my fandom activity. Being in the discord has inspired most of these new ideas and instead of letting then stay ideas that I might forget about, I decided to make them a reality.

It's really all circumstantial how my Ao3 got to the way that it is. None of this planned or on purpose or all that easy to explain. Look at how long this reply has gotten already.

If you're intrigued but can't get invested, there's nothing I can do about that. If you don't like waiting for something to finish, then you don't. You already know what you like, how you want to handle your reading experience, etc.

Writing takes time. Like a lot of fucking time. When I get in a groove, it takes me all day or all week if I'm lucky. I'm more motivated to finish a chapter in single sitting than I am getting up to eat on those kinds of days, and I wish they'd happen more but I can't be neglectful like that. There's chores, there's spending time with certain people, there's my job, etc.

I actually do gotta slow my roll because my husband is feeling kinda down lately, so I'm going to try and be more available for him and work on my fics at a more casual pace.

Maybe by the end of the year you'll be able to finally read a handful of my new short stories, cuz lord knows when I'll get around to completing my slowburns and doing them justice. 😅

But yeah, just don't read them if you only read completed works? What am I supposed to do about that? 😂 Check in again in a year, see if there's any completed works. That's rly all you can do.

[ofliterarynature]

FEBRUARY 2024 WRAP UP

[loved liked ok nope dnf (reread) book club*]

The Djinn Waits a Hundred Years • The Memory Librarian • Pixels of You* • Arch-Enemies • Moby Dyke • Pip Bartlett’s Guide to Magical Creatures • A Sinister Revenge • Lud in the Mist • Crying in H Mart • Something Close to Magic • Hula • (Renegades) • The Divorce Colony • Foundryside • Earthlings • A Far Wilder Magic

total: 13 books (12 audiobook, 1 print)

Not as many books this month! And not just because February has fewer days, I was really in a funk this month and struggling to pay attention to my audiobooks (and enjoy them). You wouldn't think there's such a thing as too many books, but I think the overtime hours at work are hitting their peak mental health destruction. Here's to hoping things improve in March!

The Divorce Colony (4.5 stars) - genuinely can't believe this was my 3rd nonfic of the year already! I picked a print copy of this up at a library sale in December after hearing about divorce colonies in the early 20th century on a recent episode of the 99% Invisible podcast. Turns out this book was actually about the beginning of the moment that took place in Sioux Falls, South Dakota in the 1800's. Western states had shorter residency periods and less strict divorce laws, so women (and the occasional man) would travel west and live there for several months in order to obtain a divorce. This book tracks the movement through the stories of 4 of the more infamous cases to make the papers, and does an incredible job of weaving in the surrounding political and religious discussions. Would recommend, and has a great cover to boot!

Renegades (3 stars) - a reread, and for some reason it was torture. I originally read this back in 2018 and loved it, and wanted to tackle it again and actually finish the rest of the series. But I kept getting worked up and frustrated this time around! It kept trying to take itself seriously while also being very YA and kind of superhero-camp, and I was absolutely overthinking it lol. I found the strength to press on into book two, Archenemies (3.5 stars). I liked it a bit more! Something about it being new, the story being a bit more settled and maybe getting a better grasp on its message/politics, the characters growing more, me figuring out that I shouldn't listen to the audiobook for more than an hour or so at a time, lmao. Not great, but fun, and possibly worth reading? I'll keep y'all updated when I finish book 3.

Hula (5 stars) - incredible. Part generational family story, part history, part discussion of what it means to be Hawaiian, culturally and legally. Not always the easiest of reads, but it was so so worth it. It was also doing something very interesting with parts of the narration voiced by a collective "we" (culture/community?) that I would love to get a look at in print. Highly recommend, I'll definitely be getting myself a copy.

Something Close to Magic (4.5 stars) - an absolute delight! The Gail Carson Levine comp on this one is not entirely unearned, anyone who's a fan of fairy tale type fantasies will enjoy this, I had a great time! Very interestingly, it has characters who are in their mid to late teens, but is written in a way where they're still allowed to be young, to the point I'm surprised it didn't get shoehorned into MG instead of YA. If the author writes any more of these I'd be happy to read them.

Crying in H Mart (3.5 stars) - nonfic number 4! I'm sure everyone's heard of this one by now, which is why I finally picked it up. It's fine (which is why it got an extra .5 star), but on the scale of take it or leave it, I'd leave it. It just wasn't for me and I kind of wish I'd dnf'd it. A great cover though.

Lud-in-the-Mist (3.5 stars) - this one seems to be considered a sort of early precursor to fantasy and fairy tale type stories from the early 20th century, and I was eager to try it! While I definitely don't think it would feel out of place amongst it's more recent fellows (think the Last Unicorn, Robin McKinley, DWJ, etc), I absolutely could not get into it. Probably the chief recipient of "my brain doesn't want to cooperate, sorry," so maybe I'll give it another shot someday.

A Sinister Revenge (4 stars) - enjoyable as always! Not to hide this deep in my reviews or anything, but have the Emily Wilde people tried Veronica Speedwell yet?

Pip Bartlett's Guide to Magical Creatures (3 stars) - This one's been sitting unread on my shelf for a while, and since I was on a bit of a Maggie Stiefvater run, I figured it was perfect! Well. Unless you are like 7, this was so bad. Not good. Having previously read and not liked a book by Maggie's co-author Jackson Pearce, I think it would not be unreasonable for me to assume she did most of the writing while Maggie did the illustrations - if the audiobook had been any longer than 4 hours I'd have absolutely DNF'd it, and I have no intention of continuing the series.

Moby Dyke: An Obsessive Quest to Track Down the Last Remaining Lesbian Bars in the Country (4.5 stars) - part of me was wondering what I was doing trying this lol, not being someone who drinks or goes to bars, OR, as previously mentioned, is not the biggest fan of memoirs. It was not, as I hoped, also part research project, but it is a travelogue, and as a consequence has a strong narrative thread. It also has a lot of discussions about issues in the LGBTQ+ community, and overall I really liked it once I figured out what it was doing!

Pixels of You (3.5 stars) - a very short sapphic rivals-to friends-to lovers graphic novel about a human-form AI and a human with an android eye competing for a photography internship at an art gallery. The creators clearly put SO much thought into their characters and worldbuilding, but sadly there is nowhere near enough length here to do it all justice, and a number of elements felt very odd or under explored. The relationship parts are great! I just think this needed to be twice as long to really given everything its due, or maybe explored in prose instead.

The Memory Librarian (3.5 stars) - to start, I know nothing about the musical album this is related to, so I don't know how much that might have affected my reading. Overall I wasn't super impressed - when I discovered that the first story was cowritten by Alaya Dawn Johnson - no shade to her - I almost dropped it then, I just really didn't like her writing style in the one book I've read. But I stuck through it. Of the five stories, only one really stuck in my mind - Nevermind, cowritten by Danny Lore, which I could have read an entire novel about. I wish I could recommend it on its own, but overall I just don't quite understand the world Monae has created.

The Djinn Waits a Hundred Years (3.5 stars) - I probably should say more about the book, it was fine, I was surprised to find that it's set in relatively current day, I found myself a lot more interested in the second narrative about the house's history, which did make me cry a bit. Mostly though, I really just want to let you know how MUCH of a non-entity the djinn was in this story, I have no idea why it was there and why it was included in the title of the book. All the author had to do was make the house a little more sentient and haunted and it would be fine, idk. Read it if you want, but it's not one I would rec.

DNF'S

Foundryside - I was so ready. I had the first two audiobooks checked out, I had the third one on hold. I started this but oh, the writing. bleh. I was looking thought reviews and someone referred to it as something like "21st century internet speak." In a high fantasy novel. I noped out at just 10%.

Earthlings - I've considered the author's other book before but haven't read it, but thought maybe a sci-fic book would work better for me? The beginning was odd but not uninteresting, and I might have continued if it had stayed that way. But then the main character was in school(?) and her teacher started getting handsy after class and I wasn't invested enough to stick it out.

A Far Wilder Magic - the success of Something Close to Magic made me a little too hopeful I think, bc while I'm still a little leery around YA, I know people have liked this. And it sounded interesting, truly, and I love the cover. But first it was the religion stuff. And I didn't really like the characters. Then it's like, oh, this is the same plot as The Scorpio Races, but nowhere near it's quality in any shape or form. I decided to stop while I was ahead, before I started to actually dislike it. (anyway here's your PSA to go read The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater, I recommend doing it in October if you can).

[fertilize-my-eggs]

My online friend. Part 1

A03

A/n: this story will be up to 40 ch, I couldn't resist making this story, I'll get back into writing again, I've been dealing with my mental health so don't worry!! I'll get back into writing my fanfic very soon!!

I sigh heavily from my work, it is exhausting working as a business woman. My coworker has given me hell since day one except for one coworker… his name is Elliot. He is a sweet and helpful man but he is also a huge nerd. He recommended that I play league of legends.

At first, I didn't know how to play the game and I wasn't really into video games as much but he insisted that I would enjoy it.

I head into my room to get clean clothes to shower and then go to my desk to play the game.

I stretch a bit as I grab the clothes, I head to my pc to start it, I watch the screen turn bright as I click the download button for the game.

While it's downloading, it was time for me to get into the shower. I pull my phone out of my pocket to message Elliot.

(Me:) How do you play League of legends??

I click send to him as I walk into the bathroom, I put my favorite music to listen to as I begin to take my clothes off.

The shower will definitely help me from the stress, I hear a bing coming from my phone.

(Elliot:) It's pretty easy. All you gotta do is pick a character and it's a clicking type of game.

I narrowed my eyes as I huffed out, I began to type back.

(Me:) Easier for you .. I have no clue what to do.

(Elliot:) You'll be fine just watch some YouTube video of the game, I gotta get going. my wife will be upset at me for our date.

I sigh softly as I turn the water on, step inside the warm water hit my skin as I sigh in relief, ahh it feels so nice.

Watch a video of the game but it wouldn't be fun…. But then again, it's easier to know what you're doing.

I put my head on the wall as I sigh heavily, this is stupid… I shouldn't be overthinking this, it's a game, it's supposed to be fun.

I scrubbed my hair with soap, I hum quietly to the music, dancing as I shake my hips to the song.

Once I finish my hair, I begin to clean my body with soapy sponge. I scrubbed every inch until I finished with the shower.

I get out to dry myself and put a towel over my head, I dress in my comfy outfit, I put my dirty work clothes into the basket, I need to do laundry but that's another time when I have my day off.

I removed the towel as I threw it into the basket as well.

I head into my room as I sit down on my desk to see the game playing.

I smile, it looks cool.

It's telling me to start the username…. Create a username like.. I'm not great with names.

I pout as I think of names, maybe something simple and funny.

Maybe… I don't know. I typed a few names, none of them were available, I sighed heavily.

I type it pinkcloudkitty, it was available, my smile wide in joy. This is gonna be amazing, the characters show up on my screen as I feel clueless on who to pick, I pick random girl characters.

It was loading as I clapped my hands together, this is exciting.

I noticed it was online multiplayer, getting curious about who will play with me, I saw the chatroom typing away.

My character was in the middle, me being dumbfounded by this game, I started to click random things.

I saw the chat going crazy.

(Magiklord:) U suck at this game

(Mrstealurkill:) R u a girl?!?

(Kingslayer:) Shut up, play the game.

I narrowed my eyes as I continued to play, I tried my best to continue but I saw the text flying in.

(Magiklord:) Ofc it a girl, she's suck at this game lol.

I want to scream at this person, I begin to type feelings a bit hurt by this.

(Pinkcloudkitty:) Screw you magiklord, I'm new to the game jerk.

I got killed by a character as I sighed, this is ass.

Until I read the chat.

(Magiklord:) You're only good at being in the kitchen and being a wife.

Oh he is one of those…. I bite my lips, feeling angry boiling my skin, I begin to type but I pause to read the message.

(Kingslayer:) Dude, that is not cool of u. piss off with that.

(Magiklord:) Oh you're gonna be her white knight, you want her? Don't u king slayer?

Who is this king slayer, I feel flattered that this person is helping me.

(Kingslayer:) Why does it matter, u shouldn't treat others like that.

(Kingslayer:) If you keep this up, u will get blocked.

My character responds as I continue to play the game, I see king slayer’s character coming near me.

(Kingslayer:) I can help u if u want, pinkcloudkitty.

I smile at this, this is helpful then I see the asshole comment.

(Magiklord:) R u trying to get her as your gf lol.

(Kingslayer:) Shut up, you're getting a warning.

(Pinkcloudkitty:) You're annoying magiklord, had your mom taught you manners??

(Magiklord:) No, I'm not a sensitive woman like u lol u should quit the game.

(Magiklord:) Get back into the kitchen n make me sandwich lmao.

I slam my fist on the desk, feeling pretty irritated by this username, I started to type back only for them to disappear, huh what happened? The match already ended as I saw the menu as if it was just me and kingslayer.

He messaged me.

(Kingslayer:) Hey u alright over here? He's not gonna bother us anymore, he got banned lol.

I smile at this, this is great good riddance, I type back.

(Pinkcloudkitty:) Yeah I'm fine, thank u for the help, I appreciate it.

(Kingslayer:) Yeah no prob. u can ask me anything, I'll help u out :)

Is this a new friend? I'm getting excited but I check the time to see it is getting late, so I type back.

(Pinkcloudkitty:) Hey it's getting pretty late for me, do you want to play games together?

(Kingslayer:) Yeah sure.

I smile as I giggle with joy, I type back.

(Pinkcloudkitty:) Great!! I'm _____ !! It's nice meeting you friend! ^.^

I see him pausing for a moment as he types back.

(Kingslayer:) Oh.. you're not Japanese?? 

(Pinkcloudkitty:) Huh? No, I'm from the usa.

(Kingslayer:) Ohhh ok. That's pretty cool.. I'm Tomura, I'll teach you how to play the game.

Tomura… it's a nice name, I begin to blush as I type back.

(Pinkcloudkitty:) You have a pretty name, we'll continue this tomorrow goodnight tomura~!!!

I smile grow big as I lean back to see him typing…. Pausing, then typing again.

(Kingslayer:).... Thank you, sleep well _____ goodnight.

I quickly added him as a friend, and I turned off the laptop.

Make a new friend.

My online friend tomura.

[charmac]

What will be the catalyst that sets Dennis off in mental health day,

1. Something small and insignificant, Dennis has just reached breaking point.

2. Mac related, maybe Mac is dating a guy for real this time and it’s not Dennis catfishing him this time and Dennis can’t deal with it.

Also Mac’s bedroom is used as a set this year. When and why is it used?

Maybe at the end of mental health… Dennis goes to Mac. A kiss? A confession? Sleeping together

In terms of a catalyst as to why he takes a mental health day, we know already, "After a physical reveals Dennis has elevated blood pressure he decides to take a day away from The Gang"

So my best guess is he's at a doctor's office or hospital for some reason, doctor tells him that he has high blood pressure and asks if he has any sources of stress in his life that could be the cause, camera zooms out to the Gang doing something obnoxious right there in the office, or cuts to them screaming/fighting each other in the waiting room, back to *Dennis bitch face* - cut to "Dennis Takes a Mental Health Day" do do do do do do doooo.

Straight up, I do not think this episode will be Mac-related or Macdennis-y at all. This one is for Dennis. Of course Mac is a source of stress in Dennis' life, but I am pretty confident "The Gang" is all grouped here vs. Dennis vs. his mental health.

If you’ve been speculating here since filming I’ve been fully in the camp and am standing my ground on the car garage plot. The story Glenn told on Episode 53, Sweet Dee has a Heart Attack of the Always Sunny Podcast is absolutely playing out with Dennis. They filmed at a parking garage:

The episode summary states "a domino-chain of tech and customer service challenges", which, ala Glenn's story, is what happens to him. I recommend listening to the story in the episode, but I'll clip here where they literally straight up tell us that they're doing an episode on it:

(Obviously they chose to have Ross write this episode, not Charlie, which may speak volumes)

What's interesting is that in Glenn's story he ends up making friends with everyone he interacted with in the situation, he says he had a deep moment of zen going through this. Will that happen with Dennis? Will his interactions restoring his faith in humanity be with strangers? Or people currently in his life?

How will it end? We know he gets his moment at the beach, we know they had a filming crew set up on the water, so he's like, definitely probably getting in the water. Will this be in a fit of rage, smashing the waves like Poseidon? Or will he have his Kendall Roy moment, floating, weightless?

Again, I think this is an episode for Dennis, not for Macdennis. Dennis' mental health is the focus, we now know it's clear he's into men and he has a whole System for them, he's not that repressed, there's something else buried deep and hurt and clawing its way out of him, something that has to be addressed before he can let himself be with Mac (for real, LOL, we have to clarify that now, don't we?). I think if Dennis ends with the Gang, it should be a moment of comfort similar to Charlie's moment on the mountain... (and maybe Mac hands him a tissue)

Also, little bonus from our sibling site:

[ikamigami]

TW: vent, personal..

Okay so.. I'm almost 100% sure that some fans thought that today's FAFFS episode was a called out to me.. like lol

I'm very self-conscious in this regard.. like if someone is talking about me.. or it's just simply my paranoia lol vsjsjbsksk

Anyway.. I'll address that matter to clear up some things and so no one will assume anything about me...

Sun is dealing better with stress due to detachment and dissociation.. Remember he needs to be stronger.. His personal problems (mental or not) are insignificant comparing to what they're dealing with rn.. or anytime really.. cause Sun thinks that his issues are just not that important..

He's doing better but at the same time not.. he definitely isn't in his best mental health.. like pls let's not forget that Sun is a known liar..

Like him hurting himself and being suicidal definitely means that he's not okay even if he continues to say otherwise..

He's far from mental breakdown for sure.. I never even said that he'll have one or that he'll snap in anger and all that shit that was in today's FAFFS episode.. (episode was hella funny so it's not complaint about the episode btw)

I only said that he may have another psychotic episode which isn't the same thing as mental breakdown.. It's definitely more probable considering that he has some sort of psychosis (probably depressive one)..

I don't know why I feel compelled to explain all of this.. sometimes I feel like I need to defend everything I say about Sun or about this show... QwQ (cause I feel like others are judging me and looking down on me because of what I'm saying.. sometimes I feel really stupid for saying something.. like for example sharing some thoughts on some things..) (edit: it's not only in this fandom that I feel like that.. maybe I have some issues lol definitely)

But talking about that helps me a little bit.. cause when I'm thinking about things like that too much without letting them out.. they're just killing me from the inside.. QwQ

I didn't write that to offend anyone.. I just simply felt the pressure that I need to explain myself.. cause many times I've seen that people didn't understand what I'm saying.. I know that I'm not the best in explaining things so probably that's why.. 😓

[brb-on-a-quest]

Day Fourteen Day Fifteen Day Sixteen

im SOOOOO SORRY that I left you guys hanging those two days! *cries* the first one I genuinely forget, and the second I was too busy to do it- and I think that this is not the first time this might happen, since the farm (oh yeah, if you're not one of my regular followers, you should know I'm a farmhand lol) is picking up steam, during my down time Im trying to do more physical rest for my body to recover. which means unfortuantely, Ive been spending less time on here in general, and that my longer posts that take more time to write have had to pause for a while.

so, I'm sorry to say but this is the last day i'll be able to do this for a while, but maybe forever. I've had so much fun with it and loved to see everybody's different answers, and how we've all connected!! but for at least a few days/weeks, I need a bit of a break lol. if anyone wants to pick up this game again, with the same list of people I've given already or different ones, you are more than welcome to! and I'm not leaving Tumblr, I'm just not going to do this particular ask game anymore.

our final question: what is something that you you want in your life, and what can you do to achieve it? what steps do you need to take to earn the life you see yourself living?

thank all of you so much! I hope to return again maybe sometime! I wish you all the best :)

Awww no worries gracie! take care of yourself first. Def appreciate all the work it must've taken to come up with good questions. I'll be sure to haunt your inbox soon with hopefully some equally thought-provoking (or not) questions.

ok, actual question: our final question: what is something that you you want in your life, and what can you do to achieve it? what steps do you need to take to earn the life you see yourself living?

To be honest, this question has haunted me for the past...well since before high school. (has it really been almost 10 years since I was a baby highschool freshman?). To be also perfectly honest, my depression and anxiety were so bad I was never convinced I would make it as far as I did... which allowed me to put off answering the question for a long while until the Hour of College Applications approached.

Well, against all previous conceptions of my future, I am still alive and about to graduate in December (literally how) and set to walk across the beautiful stage in May to get my undergrad diploma with some kind of academic honors (I forget the Latin for it). Definitely not the highest GPA, but I am relatively proud of myself considering the effort and, for lack of a better phrase, blood, sweat, and tears that have gone into this. So, steps that need to happen in order to graduate

Pass classes (Preferably with A's but I'm also in a position where hopefully my self-esteem won't die with a B or 2).

Write and Finish my thesis (shaking crying throwing up I don't have enough capacity for this even if it's only 15 pages in Spanish)

Study and hopefully pass a GRE (graduate school readiness exam I think? 'cuz I'm told it's a good idea for master's school applications I can not stress enough how much I hate standardized tests and am so anxious about this that I haven't even opened my books yet, I've just been throwing myself into thesis research instead; I 'know not all schools require this but I'm going into something that's not my major, so I feel some kind of need to prove myself).

Apply to graduate schools for counseling!

Only four things... it shouldn't be so bad.... one would think... (can I please just skip to the part where this is over why do people call college the best years of my life).

The other thing I want to work on is just being a better person and in particular a better friend. My goal is therapy, particularly pediatric therapy because it's such a neglected area where I'm from and also in general I think because there tends to be stereotypes of "oh children can't have mental health problems." but doing that means I want to develop more compassion, friendliness, and patience and gentleness and actual listening skills while being assertive...yk an environment that nurtures personal and other's growth. Which is really hard. Progress has been made but still more to go.

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia

I'm so sorry you've been experiencing difficulties recently. I'm sending all my love and light your way and hope you start to feel a little less shitty soon.

P.s - Do you mind sharing your tiktok so we can follow you there too? Or is it a private acc?

Lots of love to you <3

It's not private! It's just not updated very often. Overall I'm more active on Instagram. But neither are private. The Tiktok is very art-focused so it might not be what you're looking for. But it's also pretty harmless overall.

And thank you anon <3

The last few days I had to stop writing and like...quickly redo my schedule for December and cut it back a little, which always makes me sad, but I'm trying to conserve my mental health as well as my physical. I realised I met all the criteria for a pretty serious depressive episode late last week (I have, alongside severe PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, which is the one that will kill me if I don't keep an eye on it -> though I'm happy to report I'm not like in a very like 'I don't want to live' space right now, I can just tell I'm feeling / experiencing a lot of the red flags that go in that direction), and if I don't act now, that tends to lead to pretty bad places.

So I've redone the schedule for December and that will come out likely on Friday or Saturday. And then I'll only be posting during January for half of the month, and not the whole month, and taking off two weeks re: posting. Hopefully these are the sorts of things which will head off me needing to go into hiatus because I desperately don't want to do that <3

I can already tell I'm doing a little better after being a lot firmer with some boundaries, and also just...with myself re: taking more time off. I wish I didn't feel so guilty about it? But that's not anyone's fault here, that's shit to work on with my therapist/s, lol.

Today I spent around 3 hours researching a response to an ask (whoops), and then realised - not through any one person's actions but a bunch at once - that I need to kind of stop engaging with facecast stuff (nothing wrong with facecasting, the problem is wholly on me there and I wish I'd seen that sooner and saved people some pain and saved me from some rudeness).

I put away the shopping (we have a really good grocery delivery system here which is great for my disabilities etc.), and had some raspberries, and put on the Christmas tree lights.

I was so tired at lunch that I could only manage a bowl of cereal (and couldn't eat breakfast. I think my therapist would be like 'why are you putting three hours of research into responding to something instead of focusing on eating food' but well, whoops? Lol. To be fair I thought it would be way easier to answer, but Tumblr's search function is SO broken).

I fed my wonderful cat, Maybe, and got some sleep in the afternoon and then did some writing (1,200 words) on Palmarosa. It's like 7.00pm right now, and I'm going to put up some chapter commentaries on Patreon and Ream.

Tonight I might do some watercolour art, and I'm hoping to finish Palmarosa tomorrow.

December is actually a hard time of year for me anyway. It's the month that has the most chronological / time-based triggers, and my therapists know this and I'm hearing a lot of 'how are you in the lead up to December' which is about to become 'how are you coping with December.'

I'm grateful for small pleasures. Like my dahlias are looking pretty awesome right now. Here's some photos of this week (some art I'm working on, Maybe being cute, or screm, dahlia, Christmas set up, T-Rex ornament, Santa Platypus ornament):

[thecoolerliauditore]

i don't get all the fuss about CCs reading fanfic. if you didn't want people to see it then why would you put it publicly online. like aren't you taught that if you don't want something to be seen you shouldn't put it on the internet?

i don't understand the people mad at tommyinnit for reading fanfic. like you have this space where you talk about this real person but *he's* not allowed to read it? wtf

anon this is so angrily worded are you okay lmao

i'm not really huge on fic writing myself (dabbled in it here and there but i have friends who are writers) and i care negative percent about the dee ess em pee side of things so I'm not really The Person to ask but I'll try my best to explain 👍

CCs reading fanfic is fine. They're allowed to lurk as much as everyone else is.

CCs reading fanfic in videos is exposing fic writers to their wider audience and mcyt fans have a history of harassing fandom creators into online nonexistence for any reason under the sun while simultaneously the CC themselves actively makes money off of the fic writer's work.

I ramble a bit more and it got kinda long but that's the main point. (more stuff under the cut)

Fics are "about" the cc, yes but they are often not made for the cc but rather for the writer and maybe a close group of friends. That means they're often a combination of the writer's love for the source material and a sprinkling of their own interests/experiences. This can go anywhere from smashing two interests together in crossover AUs to deeply personal stuff like using gay ships to explore their own experience as a queer person.

Straight CCs are Not Going To Understand the latter in the way that writer and their gay friends are going to enjoy it. They can read it but they're never gonna be able to look at it the way their fans will.

That's one of the more forward examples but this applies to everything. You will never have that degree of separation from the source material to be able to enjoy fic the way fans do, you're simply not the target audience.

What's more is (not talking about the thomas innit guy or whatever i genuinely don't know who he is lol) these reading fanfic videos tend to have more of an unfortunate.. point and laugh aspect to them? A lot of the time it's presented in this LOOK AT HOW WEIRD THIS THING IS! way that can be humiliating for the author and incite even more harassment because the audience gets introduced to the author not as a person but as entertainment. You can see how this is a bad combination when you consider the previous point about a lot of fanfic being personal, I hope. It all can feel just a bit exploitative.

It does Not take a lot for a CC to open the floodgates on harassment. Just earlier this year another youtuber followed one of his fan artists and that eventually lead to that artist being full-on doxxed. Regardless of anyone's opinions on that situation, whether the youtuber is to blame, etc. etc. it's a pretty blatant example of how CCs even just interacting with fan creators on social media can lead to people being unhinged if they don't like their work. Now imagine making a Whole Video.

and don't say "oh just don't write weird stuff you don't want them seeing" because:

a space where writers are afraid to share their more intimate experiences with taboo subjects like mental health, queerness, abuse, and so on is Not Healthy artistically. Less communication about these topics = less people finding others who are like them = more people feeling alone in the world. I don't want that just in a fandom because a youtuber (who is not forced to look at fic) doesn't want their cubito to kiss certain people.

people. will. find. things. weird. anyway. i've seen twitter call the most mundane, wholesome, coffee shop au fics PROBLEMATIC for daring to ship two characters who have a four or five year age gap. I've seen literally almost every ship you can think of get called incestuous at some point or another because Someone On Twitter said they have "sibling energy" and all of a sudden it's incest and the writer should Die I guess.

"weird stuff" is really hard to define in the first place.

CCs are not authority and we don't have to listen to or cater to them. Fic is never going to directly affect them.

this isn't even getting into character/cc divide and how it's different for everyone and a lot people don't like "writing about real people" so on so forth.

This is only tangentially related but there's this.. odd thing i've noticed where fic writers aren't "respected" in the way artists are in fandoms? I've noticed people are often "scared" to talk to artists and react to things like animatics with more awe than anything else ("this has no right to be as good as it is!") whereas with fanfics it's more like. WE'RE READING FANFIC?!?! 😳😳 (I GET MARRIED TO WHO?!?!?)

There's something to be said about how a skill gap in visual art is more immediately noticeable to your average person than in writing but anyway. anyway.