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ellecdc · 1 day

Note

Black!reader that is “I don’t smoke” (mitski) because if their parents ‘you need to be mean be mean to her me, she I can take it and put it inside of me’

hi babes, this was my take on Black!reader who was always hurting on behalf of everyone else. this fic is very angsty compared to my usual standards, so please keep that in mind before reading, and mind the warnings. of course, as typical on ellecdc we have a happy/hopeful ending

Remus Lupin x Black!sister reader after The Prank™ [4.7k words]

CW: The Prank™, Black family trauma, the Marauders aren't speaking to each other, depressive episodes and self-loathing, siblings get quasi-violent/threats of violence? but for a good cause?, Remus' typical self-loathing, discussion of forgiveness and hatred, breaking up [not pictured] and making up [pictured]

The worst part-

Though, even the thought caused Sirius to scoff humourlessly, because what could possibly be the worst part of this? What could possibly be any ‘more worse’ than the worst thing he’d ever done?

Still, Sirius supposed, wand to his head, the worst thing about all of this would be the fact that Sirius didn’t regret it. Not really.

If anything, he only felt stronger in his conviction that Snape deserved to be mauled violently to death.

Yet…

Yet he didn’t find he felt particularly good about it all; about the way Remus woke up with new, deep, angry scars across his face courtesy of The Wolf who finally had a chance at a meal only to have that stolen before he turned on himself, about the way he looked at Sirius with an expression of pure unadulterated betrayal and fury when he realised what happened, about the three well aimed hits he took from James, nor about the way he had to listen through the door as Remus ended your relationship with you, officially giving into all of his deep-seeded self-loathing and beliefs that no one could or should possibly accept him.

And all Sirius managed to do was prove that to be true; that Remus couldn’t trust anyone. And as a result, he robbed you of the only love you had access to save what little you received from Regulus and Sirius.

So perhaps Sirius regretted that, but without access to a Time Turner, there was nothing to be done.

Nothing to be done.

James had told him that “until he made things right with Remus, he wanted nothing to do with him”, and while he didn’t blame James, Sirius knew he was officially on his own because there would be no ‘making things right’. There was nothing right, not with Sirius, at least.

There was nothing to be done.

He brought the cigarette back up to his lips, the sensitive skin at the corner of his mouth cracking painfully as he took a drag. He appreciated the sting as his teeth started to taste like iron; the pain was both a welcome reminder and a distraction of his inner turmoil as he kept his gaze on the grounds below him.

He couldn’t look at the common room; the red and gold that once felt like home were merely shades of grey. He couldn’t look in a mirror; his permanently downturned lips and angry eyes found him looking more like his father than he did himself. He couldn’t look at his hands; they were blistered and cracked from his tryst in the forest where he emptied his lungs by screaming until he was choking on air and punching uselessly at a tree.

He couldn’t look at any of his friends, because they couldn’t even look at him; they hated him.

He was hated.

Sirius had begun to wonder how many more classes he could miss before McGonagall followed through on her threats to write home when the portrait hole opened.

He couldn’t look, though. Because he was hated.

“Aren’t you meant to be in class?” He heard you call to him, listening to your measured steps as you made your way to his spot on a windowsill.

“I could ask the same of you.” He gruffed; voice cracking from disuse, from chain smoking, and from the perpetual tightness he had felt since That Night.

“What are you doing, Sirius?” You sighed; you were exhausted. Exhausted of him.

He was exhausted too.

“I’m minding my business, Y/N.” He spat back, stubbing out his smoke before lighting another one with a snap of his fingers. “You should try it sometime.”

With a wave of your hand, the smoke was gone.

“What the fuck?”

“Get up.” You ordered simply, and Sirius shook his head at you.

“Go back to the dungeons.”

“No.”

“I’m not in the fucking mood, Y/N.”

You shrugged your shoulders. “Great, neither am I.”

“I don’t want you here.”

“And I don’t want to be here,” You agreed, voice rising at Sirius’ petulance, “but I’ve got a brother who decided to stop functioning a few weeks ago, so here I am.”

“I’m perfectly fine.”

“You smell.”

“Yeah well, you’re ugly.” Sirius sneered, pulling out another cigarette only for you to vanish the entire pack.

“When was the last time you showered?” You demanded, and Sirius refused to look at you.

“Hm? Or changed? Or ate? When’s the last time you brushed your teeth?”

Sirius kept his gaze pointed at the grounds outside.

“Sirius. Your hair is greasy, you smell stale, you look gaunt, and…they’re going to write home.”

“Good.” Sirius spat quickly. “As they should.”

“Is that what you want, Sirius? You want more people to be mad at you? More people to punish you?”

He didn’t answer.

“You’re already doing that enough for the rest of us.” You sighed, attempting to grab him by the arm only for him to shove you away.

“Get away from me, Y/N, I mean it.”

“No, get up.”

“Fuck off.”

“Now.” You nearly growled, and Sirius turned to see you pointing your wand at him.

“What? Gonna hex me? Or are you gonna skip right to the Unforgivables, hm? Maybe an imperio? Or are you going to try some negative reinforcement? A crucio for disobedience? Salope stupide, de plus en plus comme ma mère chérie chaque jour.” (translation: stupid bitch, more and more like mother dearest every day)

Sirius flinched as you quickly raised your hand, prepared for a blow that you never landed.

He looked back to see you standing there, hand poised like it was ready to hit him as you stared at him defiantly; your cool, piercing eyes so much like his own, but the displeased pinch of your mouth was that of your mother.

“Is that what you want, Sirius? Huh? You want to be walloped a few more times on the nose so that everyone knows what a bad dog you are? You want to be punished for your misdeeds? Maybe get a few more of these?” And you punctuated your question by roughly grabbing at his jaw, fingers pressing into the painful bruises still healing courtesy of James. “That’s why you haven’t bothered healing them, yeah? So that everyone who sees will know what a right bastard you are.” He smacked your hand away with one arm and shoved you away from him with the other.

“Or,” you continued - rather unphased by Sirius’ aggression - grabbing his balled up fist and bringing it up to your own face, “is it me you want to hit, hm? You want everyone else to hurt just as badly as you are? The world has been just terrible to you Sirius, you were dealt an awful hand! You just want everyone to suffer for it; to pay for the wrongs done to you.”

“Stop it.” Sirius hissed, trying to yank his hand away from you to no avail.

“Hit me then, Sirius. Hit me. You wanna give into that Black Darkness? Want to be just as bad as they are? Just as bad as they’ve painted you to be? Go ahead.”

“Stop.”

“Then get up.”

“Y/N…” He warned.

“Get up, Sirius.”

“I hate you.” He spat, and your jaw tightened but you rolled your eyes as if you found him to be quite tiresome.

“Yeah, well, I don’t like you very much right now either.”

He stood then, giving you no time to get out of his way before he was towering over you. You never faltered, though. He let you grab him by the sleeve of his shirt, he let you drag him up the stairs towards his dormitory - somewhere he hadn’t been since That Night, opting instead to sleep on the couches, a time or two in the room of requirement, and one night in the Shrieking Shack as Padfoot - and he let you bodily shove him into the boys’ bathroom.

“Get in the shower, Sirius.”

“Sunny, please.”

“I’m not asking.” You said firmly. “Get in the shower.”

“I can’t.”

You swore under your breath as you dragged him over to the shower stall, said nothing as he went no bones and sunk to the floor, and simply turned the shower on, soaking you both.

“Y/N, stop.”

“Sirius, if you’re not going to take care of yourself, I will. Those are your choices.” You said defiantly, staring down at him as your school uniform became more and more drenched and your hair started sticking to the side of your neck.

Sirius let out a sigh and rested his head against his knees, and you accepted his relenting as the acquiescence it was.

You pointed the shower head at him and began lathering soap into his hair before doing much the same with the conditioner.

Sirius let the soap burn his eyes; welcomed it, even. He did nothing to help you with your tasks, though you didn’t ask him to. He did, however, draw the line at you trying to disrobe him.

“These need to come off, Sirius.” You said, pulling at his uniform shirt like something disgusting you found in a gutter.

“And I will take them off once you’re no longer staring at me.” He growled, causing you to scoff a humourless laugh.

“Like hells I’m letting you out of my sight again.”

Sirius simply groaned.

“How are you going to wash your body, Sirius? Please don’t tell me you’re going to make me do that too.”

Sirius ripped the bar of soap out of your hands and glared at you as he shoved it beneath his clothes, washing himself the best he could under his sopping wet uniform.

Though he was more than likely still sudsy, you shut the water off and vanished what water you could from both of your beings; each of your heads and uniforms still soaked as you flung open the bathroom door and marched across the hall.

Sirius’ mouth ran dry when you knocked on their dormitory door; somewhere between you confronting him in the common room and forcing him to bathe, classes seemed to have ended.

He should’ve flung himself out of the common room window when he had the chance; he couldn’t see Remus, James, or Peter. They hated him.

He was hated.

Remus wouldn’t talk to any of them, and James and Peter weren’t talking to Sirius. Even though Remus had told them he didn’t want them “taking sides”, he didn’t seem to mind watching Sirius get iced out.

Because he hated him.

Sirius was hated.

“Oh…hi, Y/N…” James offered awkwardly as he opened the door.

You barely spared him a glance. “Potter.” You greeted simply as you dipped under his arm which had been holding the door open and marched towards Sirius’ bed.

Remus pulled his head through the hole of his jumper as he watched you start digging through Sirius’ trunk, sharing a quick glance with James and Peter before his gaze moved to Sirius all but cowering in the doorframe.

“Are you…wet?” Peter asked cautiously then, all three boys staring at you in bemusement as you packed up a duffle.

“Yeah.” You responded simply, throwing Sirius a towel that he (thankfully) caught as everyone’s eyes fell to him.

Sirius quickly ran the towel over his person as you let his trunk close with a loud thunk, hiking the bag you packed for him over your shoulder and stalked out of the dorm room without sparing any of the boys - including your ex boyfriend - a passing glance.

“Don’t you hate me?” Sirius whispered as he allowed you to lead him to the Slytherin dorms.

“No, Sirius. I hate what you did.” You sighed, never faltering in your steps but strengthening your hold on your brother's wrist. “I love you, that’s why I’m here.”

Remus had tried telling Peter and James to leave him alone; he wanted to be alone.

Yet somehow, every morning, the two of them would sit across from him in the Great Hall, say hello, and then talk amongst themselves whilst pretending he wasn’t there.

That was fine, though. Remus was sort of pretending he wasn’t there, too.

But while Remus could ignore James and Peter’s existence, Sirius’ existence, and even his own if he really tried hard enough, he couldn’t ignore your existence.

He’d been more than slightly confused when you stormed into his dorm room last night completely drenched without your eyes ever cutting to him and packed up a bag for your equally drenched brother.

He’d been more than slightly hurt when you left without sparing him a glance, too. Though he figured perhaps he deserved that. This is what he wanted, right?

Scratch that, actually, what he had wanted was to be safe and loved and protected by the people who promised to do that for him.

It wasn’t until Peter and James paused in their conversation to look at Remus concernedly that he realised he had caused his tea to overflow by means of accidental magic.

Remus threw a wad of napkins at the mess as he made to stand, but his legs felt wholly incapable of holding him up when he saw you enter the Great Hall, quickly followed by a rather dispirited looking Sirius who nearly bumped into you as you paused at the entrance.

Your gaze automatically fell to the Slytherin table where Regulus was shooting you and Sirius a perturbed look.

You turned then towards the Gryffindor table when your gaze fell to Remus.

He found himself unable to break your gaze; he wondered if you could see the heartbreak pooling in his eyes, or the longing painted in the space between his brows.

He wondered if you could even see past the new, ferocious scars decorating his face.

He certainly couldn’t.

Your shoulders fell as you shook your head - so minutely that Remus wondered if he had only imagined it - before you grabbed Sirius’ sleeve and dragged him towards the Ravenclaw table where both Pandora and Benjy accepted the pair of you without issue.

He was simultaneously grateful that neither of you were sitting over here and furious that the two of you deigned to sit anywhere else. You were his; his friend, and his girlfriend, you were supposed to be here with him.

But he didn’t want either of you over here, he didn’t want…

He didn’t…

“Moony?” James asked cautiously.

“Don’t call me that.” Remus gruffed before he stood abruptly and stormed out of the Great Hall.

He never wanted any of this; sure, he wanted to go to school, but he never wanted friends. He didn’t need friends, he’d never had them before. He met some kind kids on the train who ended up being his roommates, but he was ready and willing to hold them at arm's length.

And then…

And then he found that he rather liked their company, and that they seemed to enjoy his. And then he found that he cared for them, and that they seemed to care for him. And then they found out, and they were accepting of him. And then they did the impossible and found a way to be there for him like no one else before, they showed up for him in ways no one else had ever tried, in ways he never imagined possible.

And then he fell in love, and then…

And then.

And then one of the worst people Remus could imagine to know learned of his darkest secret, his biggest shame, his lifelong curse.

And he learned that from one of his best friends. Snape learned of Remus’ darkest secret, biggest shame, and lifelong curse from one of his best friends.

And suddenly, everything everyone had ever said about lycanthropy was true; he was a monster, unloveable, a threat and hazard to everyone around him.

And as he paused in front of a window where he could see his reflection - three violent claw marks from his left eye across the bridge of his nose down over his lips - the monster stared back at him.

He was a beast. He was a monster playing dress up; cosplaying as a wizard day in and day out when in reality, deep down, he was a vicious, disgusting freak.

And now everyone knew it; Sirius knew it, you knew it, Snape knew it.

And for those who didn’t know it, they could suspect it; rumours flying around of how Remus managed to be mauled by some creature and survive to tell the tale, because the only thing scarier than a beast among men is a man that can take on a beast and live to tell the tale.

The worst part-

But the thought made Remus snort humourlessly, because really, how could there be a worst part of any of this? What could possibly be ‘more worse’ than the worst thing to ever happen to him, second only to being bitten all those years ago.

But Remus supposed, wand to his head, that the worst part of all of this was losing you.

Remus let out another humourless chuckle as he let his head fall with a thunk against the windowpane.

And the absolute fucking kicker was that losing you had been his own doing.

For the first time in perhaps five days, you were alone.

You sat in the farthest corner of the library near rows of tomes with enough layers of dust on them to promise you some solitude as you waited for Sirius’ meeting with McGonagall to end.

You’d convinced him (rather forced him) to start attending his classes again, though you were certain he wasn’t exactly a delight to have in the classroom at the moment. You only hoped it was enough for the school to refrain from writing home.

You dropped your quill and pressed your fingers into your eyes hard enough to see stars. Sirius was displeased with you for ordering him about. Regulus was displeased with you for babysitting Sirius and ‘cleaning up’ after him. Your parents were displeased with you seemingly because you were born with free will. Your professors were displeased with you for submitting sloppy work because you spent the majority of your time doing Sirius’ for him in order to keep him from being expelled. Your roommates were displeased with you for smuggling a dog into your room for the past week, even though he was very well behaved and slept dutifully on the end of your bed. And Remus…

And Remus.

He had looked so hollow and… dead when he told you this needed to end, that he couldn’t see you anymore. You didn’t think he was capable of occlusion, but that was the only thing that could possibly explain how he could manage to look at you like you didn’t even matter to him anymore.

Perhaps you didn’t.

You didn’t matter.

Perhaps you were too much like your brother; he couldn’t forgive him, so you were unforgivable too. Perhaps you were just too much of a Black for him; perhaps he realised the mistake in keeping your kind around.

You couldn’t blame him, you supposed.

You were a tiresome bunch. You didn’t often want to keep your kind around, either.

You shook yourself out of your pity party and returned to your notes, only to watch as Remus pulled out a chair opposite of you at your table.

“The library’s plenty large, Lupin; I’m sure if you looked harder you could find another table.” you offered, hoping for indignation but landing somewhere around disheartened.

“Is Sirius alright?” He murmured quietly, and you forced your eyes up to meet his.

He looked dead tired; his eyes were sunken and his skin was missing its warm glow. But in his eyes laid an earnestness that had you remembering just how wholly safe and full you felt whenever you found yourself pinned beneath his gaze.

You quickly looked away.

“Not really.” You replied honestly. “But I think he deserves that.”

Remus made a noncommittal sound as he continued staring at the top of your head; you couldn’t see it, mind you, but you could certainly feel it.

“And you?”

“What about me?”

“Are you alright?”

“Why?” You demanded, and Remus finally looked down into his lap.

You stared at him as he wrung his hands in his lap while you catalogued the scars across his face. You wondered if where they landed over his eyes caused him any vision issues. You wondered what the ones over the bridge of his nose would feel like as you traced your fingertip over them. You wondered what the ones on his lips might feel like under your own.

You hated them, knowing that he did too, knowing how he came to have them. But you loved them because they were his, because it was him. Because you loved him.

“Are you alright?” You decided to ask then, and he looked up at you as if he was surprised you were still there.

“No.” He responded quickly.

“I’m sorry.” You offered, though you knew not what for. You really hadn’t done anything.

“How-” Remus started, though he quickly looked back down at his hands as he searched for the words.

You waited for him.

“How…can you help him?”

You felt your eyebrows furrow, because whatever you thought Remus might’ve been about to ask, it certainly wasn’t that.

“What?” You asked dumbly.

“How can you help Sirius? After all that he’s done?” He continued gently.

“I… because, Remus, someone has to.”

Remus nodded as he considered your response. “There’s a… part of me that feels as though you’re choosing him over me.”

“Remus. You chose; you made that decision for me. I didn’t choose anyone’s side.”

“So if we were still dating right now, would you have forgiven Sirius?”

“Forgiven?” You repeated incredulously. “Who said anything about forgiveness?”

Remus simply blinked at you owlishly.

“Remus, I cannot just sit here and let him whither away into nothing because I’m mad at him. He fucked up - big time - there’s no question about it. And deep down, I know he knows that too; that’s why he’s been torturing himself over it. There is no way in which I could treat him that would be worse than the way he’s treating himself right now. But I-”

You shook your head as you fought off the stinging in your sinuses; you did not want to cry in front of him.

“There is no one rooting for us, Remus. No one. You’re pissed at him - rightfully so, and completely justified - Potter and Pettigrew are pissed at him too, he’s pissed at himself and I… someone has to, Remus. Someone has to root for him, I can’t…I can’t just abandon him, not when there’s no one else.”

“I can’t… I can’t feel bad for him, Y/N.” Remus exclaimed helplessly.

“I’m not asking you to; I’m simply telling you why I do.”

“I don’t…I don’t know how to forgive him, dove, I don’t know how to not hate him for this.” He nearly sobbed, holding his hands out helplessly as if the grief and torment were tangible things he could crush in the palm of his hands if he could only catch them. “Why don’t you hate him? Please tell me? Because I genuinely want to know. I need to know - I don’t…I don’t want to hate him.”

“He’s my brother, Rem.” You said simply, shrugging your shoulders helplessly. “I hate what he’s done, I hate the choice he made, I hate the outcome of that choice, I hate what he did to you, I hate what that’s done to me, but… but I don’t hate him.”

The two of you sat in silence for a while; the only sounds coming from the odd book being magically sent back to its shelf and the odd voices from students downstairs when a study group got a touch too boisterous.

“Do you hate me?” Remus whispered then; your eyes flit up to meet his which were already steady on you.

“No, Remus.” You whispered back.

He nodded as his gaze fell. “Just what I did?”

Your lip quirked in the faintest ghost of a smirk. “Yes I…I sort of hated that, I suppose.”

“I don’t want to hate him.” He repeated.

“I know.”

“Do you-” Remus paused, turning away and screwing his eyes shut as you realised he was crying. “Do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive me?”

“Remus…”

“I was scared, and hurt, and angry, and-” he hiccuped, reaching across the table as he nearly begged for your hand. You gave it willingly. “-and I hated him but I mostly hated myself.”

“I know, Rem.”

“Please? Do you…do you think you’d be able to forgive me? For leaving, for running, for abandoning you? You’ve never once given up on the people important to you and one bad thing happens to me and…and I just throw you away, I-” He looked at you as if he was only realising all of this now; hurt, frustration, anger, and betrayal all on your behalf flickered behind his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, Remus.” You insisted, but he quickly shook his head at you.

“It’s not; it’s not okay, I- … I’m not as gracious as you, clearly, but I just…I just feel like if you’re strong enough to forgive me then there’s…there’s hope for me, too. That maybe I can be strong enough to forgive Sirius.”

“You’re forgiven, Remus.”

His eyes fell shut as more tears fell, but you were sure it was more from relief than it was from pain.

Both boys - Remus and Sirius - were so good at torturing themselves over choices they’ve made that you were certain no one else would ever have to as long as they both should live.

And for different reasons, you loved them both beyond measure.

“I don’t deserve forgiveness.” Remus whispered.

“Of course you do.” You countered, squeezing his hand in yours and watching as some of the tension in his shoulders dissipated.

“Does Sirius?” He asked quietly, keeping his eyes pointed at where your joined hands sat on the table between you.

You’re not sure when or how you became the leading expert on conflict resolution and forgiveness; perhaps it was in refereeing Sirius and Regulus’ petty squabbles growing up, perhaps it was in shielding Regulus from your parents fury, perhaps it was in trying to tame Sirius enough to keep him out of trouble, perhaps it was in being the youngest cousin along with Regulus and watching the siblings before you find their own ways to define what was right and good, perhaps…perhaps it came from the many examples of conflict and spite that you had witnessed growing up.

“I don’t know, Rem.” You answered honestly. “I think…I think the only one who can really know that is you.”

If he was displeased by your answer, he didn’t show it.

“But,” you continued cautiously, “I don’t think you have to forgive him for what he’s done. You just have to decide whether you’re going to hate him for it or love him in spite of it.”

His lips pursed, pulling at scars both new and old in ways you’re not sure you’d ever grow tired of watching, as he nodded. “I don’t want to hate him.”

“I know, Rem.”

“I don’t want James or Peter to hate him either…I don’t know why they were willing to watch him wither away like that.”

You couldn’t hide your smile at that; the first real smile you’d had since That Night. “They don’t, and they weren’t.” You countered, only moving to explain when he looked at you in bemusement. “They were the ones who told me how bad he was getting…they wanted to make sure someone was looking after him without giving into his pity party.”

“Always taking care of everyone else, hm?” Remus murmured at you, bringing your hand up to his lips to press a delicate kiss to your knuckles.

You simply hummed noncommittally.

“Can I return the favour?”

“You can certainly try, but I’m quite high maintenance.” You teased gently.

“That’s alright.” He agreed quickly. “You’re more than worth the effort.”

You breathed out a quiet laugh through your nose. “Whatever you say, Lupin.”

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buckys-wintersoldier · 23 hours

Text

Heart sweater | B.B

Your daughter got a present for his daddy and Bucky isn’t afraid to show everyone what his little girl got for him.

Pairing: Mob!Dad!Husband!Bucky Barnes x Mom!Wife!Reader

Wordcount: 2.033 Words

Warnings: none, just lots of fluff

Authors Note: I couldn’t help myself. This sweater is just so adorable and imagine Bucky’s little girl getting it for him. So yes, soft spot, feeling soft right now. Hope you enjoy!

Events: Winds of autumn challenge | Candy corn 🍬 a sweet surprise, Balance ⚖️ as the equinox approaches, the day and night balance out. Write about finding peace | @the-slumberparty

Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Masterlist

“Daddyyyy! We gots you a present!" A childish voice echoes through the hallway of the building. Your and your little — big — families home. Others may say that you, Bucky, and your daughter are family, but there are so many more; they aren’t from the same blood but with the same big hearts.

Bucky’s men, who not only needed to earn his trust but also needed to earn their place in the family, are more than just his men. They are Bucky’s friends, your friends, and your daughter's uncles. None of them would let anything happen to you or the little girl — not just because Bucky told them to take care, but because you’re a family.

Your little daughter runs further through the hallway until she finally reaches her dad's office door. The second floor of the building is just an office — for Bucky and his men. And since he had an important meeting, he suggested that you could go out with her to get some new toys and clothes.

Of course, your little baby girl didn’t go to the toy store first. She loves it, but you’re shopping? She has to get a present for her daddy. She kind of gives herself a treat after finding the perfect present for Bucky — and then she uses all the money she can to get a lot of toys and stuff for herself.

You watch the toddler with amused eyes whenever you’re shopping without Bucky. Mostly Steve comes with you, keeping the two of you safe and just giving you a helping hand so you don’t have to carry all of these bags yourself.

“Sweetheart,” you chuckle while she already jumps to reach the handle and almost falls into her dad's office. You laugh softly, shaking your head — she is just as stubborn as her daddy when it comes to letting someone help or listen once they get excited.

Bucky’s head shoots up the moment the door swings open. He smiles at his little girl, then his eyes wander further toward you. The ocean blue orbs glistening when his lips curl up into a soft smile — one he reserves only for you and your little girl.

“Take care, my sweet little plum. Don’t want ya to get hurt, do we?” He asks, his voice soft but still a bit firm, so the little girl will listen to him. Her eyes — which are just as blue as Bucky’s — roam over her daddy’s body, from his legs up to his face, before she smirks with the widest grin ever.

“We gots you something’, daddy!” She says, excitedly. Bucky crouches down, resting his arms on his knees while he waits for his little girl to continue talking. “Mommy! Daddy waits fo’ you!”

You chuckle, looking for the bag in your hand she wants to have before placing all the others down and handing her the one she put her daddy’s present into. Bucky’s eyes move toward you; without any words, he makes sure you’re okay and that you can be without a kiss for a few more minutes while he focuses on his baby girl.

Once he’s sure you’re fine — after you settle down on the couch in his office and sigh softly — he mouths, ‘I love you, my pretty girl’ to you. And oh damn, you know why you fell in love with that man. He may be a big, feared mafia boss, but around you he is the sweetest, most loving, caring, and perfect husband — and father for your daughter — you could have wished for.

Bucky may be mad because of work sometimes; he may be annoyed, but he never lets it out on you. He would rather punch himself than make you feel like he doesn’t appreciate you or that you’re a burden for him. For your husband, you’re the most precious woman, and he will do everything to keep you safe and loved. He does the same for your little girl.

Luckily, Bucky discovered immediately that whenever he's mad, he just needs you, and everything is perfect. Preferably when he can keep you on his lap. His arms are tightly wrapped around your waist and pull you as close as possible while he presses his face into your chest. You will run your fingers through his hair, and he knows he’s safe — no reason for anger or annoyance, just love and affection, so he calms down without needing anything but you.

“So what do you have for me, my little plum?” Bucky asks, looking with amusement and curiosity at the little girl in front of him. She giggles, her tiny hands grasping his cheeks, and she runs her small fingers over his stubbles.

“Sc’atchy,” she mumbles and squeezes his cheeks together. Bucky lets out a low chuckle, letting her play with his scratchy stubbles. He knows how much his sweet little girl likes his stubbles; she is just like her mommy loving his metal arm and his stubbles — even though you have other intentions when it comes to his metal arm or his stubbles. But those are secrets that stay in the bedroom.

“Sweetheart, you wanted to show Daddy what you got for him,” you remind her when you notice that she got lost in her little game to play with her daddies cheek. But she was so excited to get him his present, plus you know that Bucky’s curious as well.

She removes her small hands and grasps the paper bag again, opening it before hiding her face almost inside of it. You would never leave her with a bag without anyone else around her, but as long as you and Bucky are there, you don’t feel scared if she puts her head slightly into it to tease her daddy a bit.

“Yeah, my little plum. What do you got Daddy, huh?” He asks, bringing his big hands to her small sides to poke his fingers into her soft flesh. The little girl laughs, throwing her head back while she wiggles in his grip.

She pulls her tiny hands out of the bag and holds a big, white sweater with hearts on it in front of her. Her smile grows and her eyes sparkle as she shows it to Bucky. And the big, most feared mafia boss has the sweetest expression on his face.

His eyes shine, and it looks like the sun is brightening them. His smile reaches almost his ears as he stares at the fabric in his daughter's hands. Bucky’s eyes wander to you for a second, then back to his little girl.

“Thank you, my little plum,” he coos, taking the sweater out of her hands to admire it a moment longer. Your daughter watches Bucky intensely — the same intense stare Bucky has if he wants to find out how you think about something. “You want me to take it on right now?”

She nods, letting herself fall backward into her butt while she holds his gaze. He nods, smirking softly. Bucky leans forward, his big hand placed at the back of her head, and he brings her closer to press his plump lips against her forehead.

“Then I will do that,” he says, getting up from the stop he was kneeling. His eyes land on you, and before he leaves the room to change into the new sweater, he makes his way over to you.

He towers over you, both of his hands finding their way to your thighs, and he leans closer. His lips almost brush yours when he grins at you. “She chose the sweater all by herself, but you allowed her to buy it, didn’t you?”

You shiver under his intense stare and his rough voice. “S-she’s just really convincing. I know you said you don’t want presents, but I guess— I guess she got that from you,” you giggle and Lena closer to chase his lips for a soft kiss. Bucky chuckles, kissing you once again before he pushes himself up and makes his way out of the room to change into the sweater you and your daughter got him.

Your daughter gets one of her new toys out of the bag and shows it to you. It’s not like you don’t know what she bought, but she loves to show you and explain everything about it anyway.

“Mommy, wants book or wants dolly?” She asks, lifting her small arms and holding both up to let you decide which of these she should show and explain to you.

“Do you want me to tell you more about the book you got?” You ask. She nods and puts the doll down, walking with the book in her hands toward you. The little girl places the book on the couch next to you, her small fingers digging into your thighs, and she tries to push herself up onto the couch. “Do you want me to help you, sweetheart?”

“Nuuu, ‘m big girl!” She nods, underlining her words. You chuckle; let her climb up without help. Your hand is still behind her back just in case she falls backwards, but she doesn’t.

Once she is on top and next to you, she wiggles a bit and takes the book, placing it in your lap. She just wants to explain why she got the book, who’s on the cover, and what she knows about her favorite series — the book is about it — when Bucky walks back into the room.

Her eyes widen, and she giggles as she sees her big daddy in this pretty sweater she got him. You smile softly at him, reaching your hands out for him to come closer. “You’re pretty, Bucky,” you say and run your fingers over the back of his flash hand, then over the fabric of the sweater.

“Didn’t know I would look that good in that sweater,” he jokes. Stroking one of his hands over the fabric. And he really does look adorable with his middle long hair, his broad chest, and his big arms — the feared mafia boss — wearing a sweater with a lot of hearts on it because his sweet little plum got it just for him. “So, my little plum, what do you think?”

Bucky gets down on his knees in front of the couch, looking at the little girl. Her ocean blue eyes roam over him a little longer before she giggles. “Looks pwetty, daddy! Now we can go back to work!”

He laughs, shaking his head. “I thought I could take out my girls for dinner.” Bucky tilts his head. His fleshy hand holds yours tightly while he watches the little girl, considering if she wants to work or prefers to have dinner with the two of you.

“Do we gets my favorite food?” She asks, taking her book and making grabby hands, waiting for Bucky to pick her up. He nods, wrapping his arms around her to lift her onto his waist before he holds a hand out for you to grasp and let him pull you up.

Bucky doesn’t care that people could look weird at him for wearing a sweater with hearts on it. His sweet girl got it for him, and he knows that no one will disrespect him — not even when he looks like a sweet puppy with an adorable sweater.

“You know, babydoll,” Bucky says, looking at you as he wraps his free hand around your waist to pull you into his side. His nose brushes over your cheek until his lips press against your temple. “Thank you for letting out sweet plum to buy me such a pretty sweater. Now I’m wearing your necklace, our wedding band, and my little girl's sweater. I love you, my babydoll, pretty momma.”

Bucky’s voice is low, and he smirks against your skin as you shiver. You knew he would love the sweater — he loves everything you or your daughter get him. “I love you too, Buck,” you mumble before you make your way to the restaurant — letting Bucky show his sweater around to let everyone see how proud he is to have his family, how much he loves you and his little plum, and how much he appreciates you and your love.

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mymindcreatedthis · 1 day

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Enemies to more than friends? 18+

Reader x Alexia Putellas

Warning: Smut, make up sex, unprotected sex, daddy kink, multiple Creampies, blowjob, throat pie, anal, cum shot, got job, spanking, hair pulling, dirty talk, leg trapping, reader doming Alexia, Alexia receiving, positions: Missionary, Doggy and on side

Word count: 2.8k

*Alexia's pov*

9 months ago

Barca vs Arsenal, the game was 1-1, I had scored our goal until Y/n scored the equalizer for Arsenal. I get the ball and run with it up field, I wind up my leg ready to take the shot for our next goal. I feel a boot go into my leg, I immediately scream in pain and drop to the ground. I grabbed my knee in pain, pain is never felt before.

"I'm so sorry, Alexia I slipped." I heard a voice, it was Y/n.

*Y/n's Pov*

Before I knew it I had slipped trying to get the ball from Alexia. My foot rolling through and making contact with her leg.

"I'm so sorry, Alexia I slipped." I said immediately.

I watched Alexia drop to the ground in pain and gripping her leg. The feeling I felt knowing I did that, I was the one who made Alexia feel the pain she was feeling. The feeling of guilt running through me.

*9 months later* Alexia's Pov*

I wrack my weights after I finish my rep. My phone pings letting me know I had a new text message, I was working out in my gym at home. I was working out in just my sports bra and shorts, I grab my phone and check it and see that I have a new text message from my best friend Aitana Bonmati.

Aitana: Hey did you hear that we are getting a new player?

Me: No who is it?

Aitana: you're the captain and haven't been told that we are getting a new player.

Me: I'm the last person to find out about shit.

Aitana: It's a new player from Arsenal... her name is Y/n L/n.

My heart drops as she tells me this. Y/n and I have history, she injured me and fucked up my leg the last game we Played them so I've been in rehab and getting stronger and doing therapy. Finally after 9 months I was getting ready to get back on the field and now she wants to ruin it by joining the club.

Me: You serious? Aitana that's the girl that injured my leg the last time we played Arsenal.

Aitana: I know, I'm just as annoyed as you are. But there's nothing we can do about it, it's done and it's happened.

Aitana was right. The news had broken everywhere, Y/n was no part of Barca. I now had to face the person who caused the pain I've had to carry around everyday for the last 9 months.

*Next Day*

Arriving into camp, my only thought was avoiding Y/n that was until I spotted her making her way over to me from the corner of my eye.

"Alexia I just wanted to sa-"

I cut her off. "Save it Y/n. Just leave me alone." I spat out immediately walking away not wanting to hear anything else she had to say.

We get our assigned rooms, we grab our things and go up to our rooms. Thankfully we lucked out and didn't have roommates this camp so we had a whole room to ourselves for this camp.

It was around 10 pm, I didn't run into Y/n again after she tried to talk to me. I'm interrupted as there's a sudden knock on my door. I open the door to the last person I wanted to see.

"There's been a leak in some of the rooms. Mine had a leak as well. Coach told me that I'm bunking with you the rest of camp, the other rooms are full." Y/n says with her belongings and bag in her hands.

"No, I don't share my room. I only have one bed." I spat out.

"Mhm I'm more annoyed as you. But I've got no choice." Y/n says.

"Don't talk to me or look at me." I say as I move to the side and let her in.

"Trust me, I don't give a fuck. Keep it club related." Y/n says walking past me.

Y/n gets settled in, without another word Y/n lays on the ground on her make shift bed she created as I lay in bed and turn off the light.

*Y/n's Pov*

I lay on the floor, my back hurting not being able to get comfy. "Get in the bed." I hear Alexia say.

"Thought you said there's only one bed? I'm good on the floor." I say as I lay there staring at the ceiling.

"There is only one bed you idiot, get in the bed before you fuck up your back and before I change my mind." Alexia says.

I sigh and give in, I get up and join Alexia in the bed. I lay facing her looking at her body. I could feel myself getting hard as I check out her ass in her panties, her ass slightly swallowing her panties.

"What are you moving around for?" Alexia whispers.

"Sorry just struggling to get comfortable." I say.

Little did I know that Alexia could see the tent in my boxers. "Go to the bathroom." Alexia says.

"Yeah." I huff. "I'll sort it out." I get up and go to the bathroom. 10 minutes passed and nothing was working I was still hard and throbbing even more, I really needed to cum. 10 minutes of jerking off and still nothing.

I groan to myself. "Y/n come here." I hear Alexia say.

I come out of the bathroom and come back into the room. "I'll help you but after that don't talk to me." Alexia says.

"O-Okay." I stutter a bit as I get back in bed. "You know Alexia..." she cuts me off.

"Y/n I don't want to hear it, We're going to do this and then we're not gonna speak again, got it?" Alexia says.

I nod in response, as Alexia slowly pulled down my shorts and boxers. My massive boner springs out, Alexia bites her lip as she checks out my 11 inch boner.

"Shit baby you're huge." Alexia whispered in slight shock as she spits on my dick taking it in her mouth.

She begins to bob her head slowly looking into my eyes. I moan and place my hand on the back of her head as she kept sucking going a bit faster.

"Fuck Alexia your mouth feels so good." I moaned as I lean my head back onto the head board.

She swirls her tongue around my tip as she kept sucking, playing with my balls with her other hand.

"Alexia... baby I really am sorry." I moan as she sped up bobbing her head faster than before.

She let my dick pop out of her mouth as she kissed my inner tight thigh with a smile.

"I know." She whispered as she takes my dick back in her mouth immediately deep throating me, causing me to become a moaning mess.

She looked into my eyes as she hums against my dick seeing the reaction she was getting from me.

"I'm going to cum buckets if you keep doing that baby." I moan and close my eyes.

I gripped the sheets with one hand. The other hand on the back of Alexia's head as she was making me closer and closer to cumming. My balls tighten as my dick hits the back of her throat.

"Fuck Alexia I...."

Throatpie:

I moan gripping Alexia's hair pushing her head further down on my cock as I explode inside her mouth. Sweat dripping down my forehead' my legs buckle and begin to shake. Alexia lifts her head up, swallowing my load.

"I'll forgive you, only on one condition." Alexia says.

"What's that?" I ask.

"You fuck me right now." Alexia says.

"Yes Ma'am." I smile. "I don't have a condom." I added.

"I don't care, I'm on a pill." She says as she climbs on top of me removing her shirt, red bra and panties.

Without saying anything else Alexia lines her entrance up with my dick as she dripping wet. I place my hands on her hips as I guide her down bottoming out inside her. She begins to pick up the pace sliding up and down on my dick. I move my hands from her hips down to her ass, gripping it tightly as I spank it.

"Fuck Alexia, you're gonna make me cum." I moaned as she sped up her tits bouncing up and down.

"Cum inside me daddy." Alexia moans.

Alexia sped up even more, her ass rippling against my thighs. Sweat dripping down her forehead, I couldn't take it anymore.

Creampie #1:

"Fuck Alexia." I shouted as cum begins oozing out of my dick filling her up to the brim.

"I feel so full." She moaned, she climbs off me and Bends over licking up the cum that had dripped onto my stomach.

"Are you still hard?" Alexia whispers.

"Yes, Yes I am. It's getting worse." I huffed.

Alexia lays in her back and lays In missionary, I bite my lip and rub my tip through her folds. Alexia bites her lip and quietly moans as I do this.

"Mmm stop teasing and just put it in." Alexia moans. "Mm I wanna feel you deep inside me."

Fuck Alexia was super wet, I bite my lip and slowly slide my dick inside her. I moan as her walls immediately clench around me, Alexia moans as she takes my length deep inside her.

"Mmm fuck Y/n... Y-You're really deep in there." Alexia moans.

Alexia moans and takes a moment to adjust to my size. "M-Move." She moans in pleasure. "Mmm fuck I thought you were big in my mouth but you feel even bigger inside me."

I smirk, and look at her. Our noses touching, Alexia leans in and kisses me deeply, I'm shocked at first but kiss back. We both moan in the kiss as I thrust in and out of her a bit faster.

We break the kiss when air becomes a problem. I rest my head against hers and look deep into her eyes as I thrust in and out of her faster.

My dick was throbbing, fuck I really needed a release. I moan and bite my lip as my precum leaks inside her letting her know that I'm close.

Alexia giggles. "Close to cumming daddy?" She smirks. "Good cause I'm bet letting you pull out." She wraps her legs around me and leg traps me so I can't pull out.

Alexia moans and watch my dick slide in and out of her. I moan and bite my lip as I feel her walls clench around me letting me know that she was close to cumming.

"Mmm someone close?" I ask seductively.

"I'm close baby, I'm gonna cum." Alexia moans.

"Let go baby, cum for daddy." I say.

Alexia moans in pleasure as I kiss her neck. I moan as I feel myself getting close to cumming. “Mmm I’m gonna squirt.” Alexia moans.

Alexia Moan and squirts all over my abs, my thighs and all over my dick and on the sheets. I smirk and keep going, I go at an angle and start hitting her g spot.

“Mmm fuck so tight and wet.” I moan, fuck her pussy felt like heaven.

My breathing gets heavier letting Alexia know that I was close to cumming. Alexia moans, and bites her lip and locks eyes with me.

“Yes, yes cum in me. Cum in me.” Alexia moans.

Creampie #2:

“Mmm F-Fuck.” I moan in pleasure.

Cum oozes and spurts inside her filling her to the brim. Alexia moans as I unload my massive seed inside her and paint her walls white.

We both moan, I kiss her deeply and slowly pull out of her. Alexia moans and bites her lip as come cum oozes out and onto the sheets.

“Mmm please baby I need more.” Alexia cutely moans.

I giggle and kiss her again. “Get in doggy baby.”

Alexia does as I say, she moves the middle of the bed and gets on all fours. I bite my lip and admire her ass and pussy and smirk as my cum continue to ooze out of her pussy, and drips down her thigh and onto the sheets.

I bite my lip and check out her ass as she shakes it. I smirk, I get up and get behind her. I slap her ass, Alexia moans and jumps as I slap her ass.

I smirk, she moans as I spank her ass again. I rub my dick through her cum glazed folds. We both moan as I slide my dick back inside her.

I place my hand on her hip and pull her hair with my other hand, I slowly thrust in and out of her and pull her hair.

“Mmmm F-Fuck.” Alexia moans.

“Like that baby? Me balls deep inside you stretching you out?” I ask teasing her.

“Mmm I l-love it.” Alexia moans.

Alexia moans and throws her ass back against me as I continue to fuck her going faster. “S-Shit I don’t think I’ll last much longer… f-fuck you have amazing grip.” I moan.

Alexia giggles and moans as she throws her ass back against me sliding back and forth on my dick faster and faster.

I moan as I feel myself getting closer and closer to cumming. “Mmm I’m close.” I moan in pleasure.

“Mmm fuck…. Me too.” Alexia moans.

I moan loudly in pleasure, my balls slap against her skin as our moans fill the room. Alexia screams in pleasure and squirts again, she squirts all over my dick, abs, thighs and all over the sheets.

“ Alexia…Baby I’m really close.” I moan as my pre cum leaks inside her letting her know that I was about to explode and fill her up.

I moan in pleasure as I feel that familiar feeling in my balls.

Creampie #3:

I squeeze her ass and moan, we both moan as I slam my dick inside her, Alexia moans and cums all over my dick. We both moan as cum oozes and spurts inside her painting her walls white and filling her to the brim.

Alexia takes a moment to catch her breath. I smile and told her head back and smash my lips against hers. Once we catch our breaths I slowly pull out of her. Cum immediately oozes out of her and drips down her thighs and onto the sheets.

Alexia lays down on her side. "Put it in my ass." She moaned.

"Are you sure?" I question making sure that she was really okay with this.

"Yes, do it Y/n." Alexia says.

Without another word I slowly lift her leg up and insert my dick inside of her. Letting her get used to it for a second, I slowly thrust in and out of her.

"Fuck your so tight baby." I moan as I start kissing her neck.

"You're so big." Alexia moaned in response.

I sped up my thrusts as I began to spank her ass, gripping it tightly with one hand and began to play with her tits with my other hand.

"You like that baby? My tight ass Around your dick." Alexia moaned as she turns her head kissing me deeply.

I moan in the kiss, we break the kiss when air becomes a problem. "Yes baby, you feel so tight. I'm going to cum soon, I'm close." I moan resting my head on her shoulder.

My thrusts begin to slow down as I felt my balls tighten, getting ready to cum.

"Where should I cum?" I ask.

"On my tits." Alexia moans.

I quickly got up off the bed, picking Alexia up as she gets onto her knees. She wraps her tits around my dick, she spits on my dick the help rub her tits up and down on my dick.

"Fuck this is amazing." I whispered looking into her eyes rubbing my thumb over her lips.

She takes my thumb in her mouth and strokes my dick a bit faster. I moan, after 5 mintues of an amazing tit job. The urge to cum gets stronger and stronger.

"Fuck baby I'm going to cum." I moan.

Cumshot:

I moan as ropes of thick sticky cum shoot all over her lips, face, mouth and tits.

"Fuck baby, you've covered me." Alexia moans as she licks up what she could.

"Painted my baby girl white." I moan looking at the sticky mess I had left all over Alexia's face and chest.

"Your personal coloring book." Alexia Cutely giggles.

Alexia gets off her knees and starts cleaning up, finally my problem was fixed.

"If you're really sorry for what you did." She trails off and smirks. "We're gonna carry on with this since you're here permanently." Alexia bites her lip.

Alexia straddles my knee and plants a long kiss on my lips. She breaks the kiss, I laugh.

"Deal." I smile and reciprocate the kiss.

#my writing #lesbiansmut #wlw smut #woso fanfics #woso smut #g!p reader #football #soccer #alexia putellas

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astroa3h · 3 days

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Lilith Through the Signs ✨

Let’s talk about Lilith, because she’s that dark, seductive part of your chart that you’re probably a little afraid to look at, but trust me—you need to. In astrology, Lilith shows us the hidden, raw parts of our psyche, the things we suppress or even deny. She’s our wild side, our deepest desires, and sometimes, our untapped rage. Wherever Lilith is in your chart, she brings out this primal energy that cannot be tamed. And let me tell you, she doesn't play nice. You’re going to feel it. If you don’t confront her, she’ll push until you have no choice.

If Lilith is in Aries, then honey, you’re all about raw, impulsive energy. Lilith in Aries doesn’t ask permission. You fight for independence at any cost, and sometimes, that can mean bulldozing through life without thinking about the consequences. People might call you selfish, but really, you’re just unapologetically you. You struggle with authority and anyone telling you what to do. In relationships, this placement is about the constant power struggle. You want freedom, but you also crave someone who can handle your intensity. Here’s the thing: you have to learn how to channel that fire without burning everything down. Maybe take up martial arts or something that lets you express your aggression in a healthy way.

With Lilith in Taurus, you are drawn to the pleasures of life, the sensual side of things. It’s about indulging—whether that’s in food, sex, or luxury. But here’s the shadow side: you can become possessive, even obsessive, about holding onto what you have. You want security so badly that you might cling to things (and people) that are no longer good for you. This placement craves comfort, but you can get stuck in your comfort zone, unwilling to let go even when it’s time. In your love life, you’ll likely attract relationships that push you to confront your fear of losing what you hold dear. Learn to trust that true security comes from within. You don’t need to hoard it; it’s already yours.

Lilith in Gemini? Oh boy, you are a master of words, and you know exactly how to twist them to get what you want. But watch out, because this placement can make you feel like you’re always wearing a mask. You can say all the right things, but inside, there’s a part of you that feels unseen and unheard. You’ll attract people who are intrigued by your mind, but they might not get the real you. In relationships, it’s all about mental connection, but sometimes you use communication as a weapon. You can be manipulative when you want to be, and if you’re not careful, you’ll push people away with your mind games. The key here? Be honest. Be vulnerable. You’re smart enough to know when someone isn’t on your level, but that doesn’t mean you have to hide behind cleverness.

With Lilith in Cancer, you’re dealing with deep emotional wounds. There’s a part of you that craves nurturing but also resents it at the same time. You might have grown up feeling like you had to be the caretaker, even when you weren’t ready. And now? You have a hard time letting anyone take care of you. You build emotional walls, but inside, you’re yearning for someone to break them down. In relationships, you might sabotage things when they start to feel too safe, because deep down, you’re scared of being abandoned. Your healing comes when you stop looking for that motherly figure in other people and start giving yourself the care you need. You have to learn that vulnerability is not a weakness.

If Lilith is in Leo, girl, you’re the queen—and you know it. You want to be admired, adored, worshipped, but you also fear that you’re never enough. This is a placement where ego and insecurity collide. You want the spotlight, but you’re terrified of what people will see when they look too close. Relationships become about power. You want someone who puts you on a pedestal, but the second they don’t, you’re out. The challenge here is learning that your worth doesn’t depend on external validation. When you own your power without needing applause from the crowd, you’ll find that the right people are drawn to your light.

Lilith in Virgo brings a complicated relationship with control. You strive for perfection in everything, but the more you try to control, the more things slip through your fingers. You might have a tendency to obsess over the details—whether it’s your appearance, your work, or your relationships. But this perfectionism is exhausting. You attract situations where you’re forced to confront the idea that control is an illusion. The real work is in letting go. In love, you might feel like no one is ever good enough for you, or worse, that you’re never good enough. But the truth is, you don’t have to fix anyone, least of all yourself. Your healing comes from accepting the messiness of life.

Lilith in Libra? Oh, this is a tricky one because you want harmony and balance, but deep down, you might feel like you’re constantly at war with yourself. You attract people who reflect your shadow side, and it’s easy to lose yourself in relationships. You want to please others so badly that you forget your own needs, and then you resent them for it. This placement has to learn how to set boundaries and stop giving away power just to keep the peace. In love, you might find yourself drawn to partners who are controlling or manipulative, and it’s because you’re not owning your own power. Stand up for yourself. Relationships are meant to be equal, not a battleground.

If your Lilith is in Scorpio, honey, you’ve got intensity for days. This is one of the most powerful Lilith placements, but it also comes with deep emotional wounds around trust and betrayal. You crave deep, soul-shattering connections, but you’re also terrified of being vulnerable. In love, you attract relationships that push you to confront your darkest fears—jealousy, obsession, control. The challenge for you is to let go of the need to dominate. You’re not going to lose your power by being vulnerable. In fact, true power comes from letting others see the real you, scars and all. The key here is to trust that you won’t be destroyed by love. It’s transformative, not destructive.

Lilith in Sagittarius is about freedom—wild, uncontained freedom. You’re always looking for the next adventure, the next thrill, and you can’t stand to be tied down. But here’s the thing: running from commitment isn’t going to fill that void inside. You attract situations where you feel like your wings are being clipped, but it’s because you’re not allowing yourself to fully engage. You might avoid deep connections because you’re afraid they’ll hold you back. In relationships, you crave freedom, but you also want someone who understands your need for independence. Your journey is about finding a way to commit without feeling caged. Trust that you can have both stability and freedom.

If Lilith is in Capricorn, you’re all about power and control. You crave success, but deep down, you fear failure more than anything. You’ll push yourself to the brink just to prove you’re worthy, but this placement often comes with a deep sense of insecurity. You might feel like no matter how much you achieve, it’s never enough. In relationships, you attract people who challenge your need for control, and it forces you to confront the fact that true success isn’t about power—it’s about vulnerability. Learn to let go of the idea that you have to be the one in control all the time. It’s okay to let someone else take the lead. You’ll find that it makes you stronger, not weaker.

With Lilith in Aquarius, you’re the rebel. You don’t like being told what to do, and you’re always pushing against the grain. But this can also make you feel like an outsider, like you don’t belong. You attract relationships where you feel like you have to sacrifice your individuality, but deep down, you know that’s not the answer. Your challenge is to find a way to be in a relationship without losing yourself. Don’t be afraid to stand out. The world needs your unique vision. In love, you might push people away because you’re afraid of being controlled, but real freedom comes from allowing yourself to be fully seen.

Finally, Lilith in Pisces is a placement of deep emotional sensitivity. You feel everything, and sometimes, that can be overwhelming. You might have a tendency to escape through fantasy or avoidance because reality feels too harsh. But this placement also gives you incredible intuition. You attract relationships where you feel like you’re drowning in emotions, and it can be hard to find your footing. The key here is to set boundaries—emotional boundaries. You don’t have to take on other people’s pain as your own. Your healing comes when you learn to stay grounded in reality while still honoring your deeply spiritual side. Embrace your empathy, but don’t let it consume you.

Blessings,

Ash ✨

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callsigns-haze · 5 hours

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His Shadow: Chp 6

masterlist part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5

Azriel, secretly juggling his responsibilities and personal life, maintains a hidden relationship with YN, who works at a pleasure house in the Hewn City. She was his light, his love, his passion. Yet being his darkest secret is a hard role because life in the Hewn as a young female isn't the easiest as the two of you hold an even dark secret yet to be told...

Pairing: Azriel x reader

This series contains mature themes: Explicit depictions of violence, including physical and emotional. Themes of secrecy. Descriptions of difficult relationships, including strained familial and romantic dynamics. Mature sexual content. Themes of power, control, and manipulation within complex interpersonal relationships. Discussions of parenthood and the challenges associated with it, including postpartum experiences.

The morning sun filtered through the thin curtains of their apartment, casting a warm, golden hue across the room. The soft light highlighted the simple, yet cozy space they had made their own—a sanctuary that was their little world, hidden from the eyes of everyone else. Knox was still asleep in his crib, his tiny chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm, blissfully unaware of the tension building between his parents.

YN stood near the window, her back turned to Azriel, arms crossed over her chest. Her posture was stiff, her shoulders tense as she stared out at the city, her reflection barely visible in the glass. Azriel could feel the frustration radiating off her in waves, and he knew that this conversation was inevitable. He just hadn’t expected it to happen so soon.

He had taken the week off, needing to be with his family, needing to be with her. After overhearing Cassian and Mor talk about their little spying expedition on YN, he had made the decision quickly, without hesitation. But now, as he watched YN’s back, he wondered if he had acted too impulsively.

“Why did you do it, Azriel?” YN’s voice broke the silence, cutting through the stillness of the morning. It was calm, but there was an edge to it—one that Azriel recognized all too well. She was holding back, trying to keep her emotions in check, but he knew she was upset. “Why did you take the week off?”

Azriel let out a slow breath, his wings rustling slightly as he stepped closer to her. “I wanted to be here with you and Knox,” he answered, keeping his voice steady. “After everything that’s happened, I thought you could use the support. I wanted to make sure you both were safe.”

She turned around to face him, her eyes flashing with a mix of anger and something else—something that looked a lot like hurt. “Safe?” she repeated, her tone incredulous. “Azriel, we’re not in immediate danger. You’re acting like I can’t take care of myself and our son without you hovering over us.”

“That’s not what I’m doing,” Azriel replied quickly, though he knew that wasn’t entirely true. He was protective—maybe too protective, especially now that their lives were more complicated than ever. He crossed the distance between them, his hands reaching out to take hers, but she stepped back, putting more space between them.

“Isn’t it?” she shot back, her voice rising slightly. “You’re here because you don’t trust me to handle things on my own. You’re here because you think you need to shield us from everything—even from your own family. But Azriel, I can’t live like this. We can’t live like this, constantly looking over our shoulders, constantly hiding.”

Her words hit him hard, and he knew she was right. But it didn’t change the fact that he felt this deep, unrelenting need to protect her, to protect Knox, to be there every moment in case something went wrong. The thought of losing them—of anything happening to them—was more than he could bear.

“YN, I’m not trying to smother you,” he said, his voice softer now, tinged with the desperation he felt. “I just… I need to be sure. After what happened yesterday, after knowing they were watching you—I can’t just leave you both alone and hope everything will be fine.”

Her eyes softened slightly at his words, the anger ebbing away, replaced by a sadness that made Azriel’s heart ache. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment as if trying to gather her thoughts before she spoke again.

“Azriel,” she said more gently, “I understand why you feel the way you do. I do. But this… this isn’t sustainable. We can’t keep living in fear, can’t keep reacting to what might happen. We need to trust each other, trust that we can handle things—even when you’re not here.”

Azriel’s shoulders sagged slightly, the weight of her words pressing down on him. He knew she was right, but it was so hard to let go of that instinct, the one that told him he needed to be there every moment to protect them. He had been living on the edge for so long, constantly aware of the dangers lurking in the shadows, that he didn’t know how to step back and just… breathe.

“I do trust you,” he said finally, his voice rough with emotion. “I trust you more than anyone, YN. But I’ve spent centuries living in a world where letting your guard down, even for a moment, can cost you everything. I’m sorry if I’m overbearing—I just can’t lose you. I can’t lose our son.”

YN’s expression softened further, the tension in her posture easing slightly as she stepped closer to him. She reached out, her hand resting against his chest, right over his heart. “You won’t lose us,” she said firmly, looking up at him with a gaze full of determination. “But you have to let us live, Azriel. We can’t keep hiding in the shadows like this. I need you to believe that we can handle this—together.”

Azriel closed his eyes, leaning into her touch as he absorbed her words. She was right, of course. YN had always been strong, far stronger than he sometimes gave her credit for. And Knox—he was still so small, but Azriel knew his son would grow up to be just as strong. They didn’t need him to shield them from the world; they needed him to stand beside them, to be their partner, not their protector.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, opening his eyes to meet hers. “I’ll try to do better. I promise.”

She smiled at him then, a small but genuine smile that made the tightness in his chest ease just a little. “That’s all I ask,” she said softly, her hand moving up to cup his cheek. “We’re in this together, Azriel. Always.”

He leaned down, pressing a kiss to her forehead, the simple act grounding him, reminding him of what truly mattered. “Always,” he echoed, his voice filled with a quiet resolve.

They stood there for a moment, wrapped in each other’s presence, the tension between them slowly dissipating. Outside, the sun continued to rise, bathing the room in warmth and light, as if to remind them that there was still hope, still a future to be had, as long as they faced it together.

In the crib beside them, Knox let out a small whimper, his tiny wings fluttering as he stirred from his sleep. YN pulled back from Azriel with a soft laugh, her eyes sparkling with affection as she turned to their son. “Looks like someone’s awake,” she murmured, moving over to the crib to pick Knox up.

Azriel watched her, his heart swelling with love as she cradled their son in her arms. Knox blinked up at her, his small mouth forming a perfect little ‘O’ as he looked between his parents. Azriel stepped closer, wrapping an arm around YN’s waist as he leaned down to press a gentle kiss to Knox’s head.

“We’ll be okay,” YN said quietly, more to herself than to him, as she rocked Knox gently in her arms. But Azriel heard the conviction in her voice, the belief that they would find a way through this—together. And for the first time in a long while, he allowed himself to believe it too.

---

River House was alive with activity as the Inner Circle gathered in the spacious sitting room. Sunlight streamed through the high windows, casting warm pools of light across the room’s plush furniture. Cassian was sprawled in one of the armchairs, his wings half-draped over the sides, while Rhys sat opposite him, leaning casually against the backrest of a couch. Mor and Feyre were nearby, quietly sipping their tea, and Amren was perched on the window sill, her sharp eyes watching everyone with mild disinterest.

As usual, the meeting started casually, with updates on Velaris, news from the courts, and the usual banter. But something was different this morning, an undercurrent of curiosity running through the group. Azriel’s absence was becoming more noticeable, especially given his sudden declaration of taking a week off—a rare occurrence.

"So, does anyone else find it weird that Azriel's taking a week off?" Cassian said, breaking the silence. He shifted in his seat, his brow furrowed with a mix of concern and confusion. “I can’t remember the last time that happened. Not without a reason.”

Rhys’s violet eyes flickered with amusement, but there was a hint of curiosity as well. "It’s not like him," he admitted, his voice smooth. "Azriel rarely takes time for himself. He’s always working, always looking for the next mission or lead. But a whole week off? That’s new."

Mor nodded in agreement, her lips quirking in a small smile. “Maybe he finally realized he needs a break,” she said with a light laugh. “Even shadowsingers need to recharge once in a while.”

Feyre glanced at Rhys, her brow arched in thought. "He didn't seem like anything was wrong the last time I saw him. Do you think something’s going on that he’s not telling us?"

Cassian sat up straighter, rubbing a hand across the back of his neck. “I wouldn’t be surprised. You know how secretive he can be. But a whole week off? Something doesn’t add up.”

"Maybe he met someone," Mor suggested, her eyes gleaming mischievously. “Maybe there’s a secret lover involved, and he’s just been keeping it from us.”

At that, Cassian snorted, his wings shifting behind him as he chuckled. "Azriel? Keeping a secret lover from us? That sounds about right, actually. He’s good at hiding things.”

Rhys tilted his head, a slight frown creasing his brow. “He’s been acting strange lately. Not just with the time off, but before that too. More secretive than usual. And those late-night disappearances…”

Feyre leaned forward, her curiosity piqued. “Do you think he’s hiding something serious?”

Rhys let out a thoughtful hum, his fingers drumming lightly on the armrest of the couch. “Could be. Azriel’s not one to share things unless it’s absolutely necessary. If something’s bothering him, he’ll bury it deep.”

Mor crossed her arms, glancing between Rhys and Cassian. “Do you think it has to do with the place we went to in the Hewn City? The woman—YN—she seemed close to him. Could it be related?”

Rhys’s eyes darkened for a moment, as if recalling the encounter at the pleasure house. “Possibly. He did seem more… comfortable there than usual. And she did say something about going back after maternity leave. Perhaps Azriel’s more involved in her life than we thought.”

Cassian shifted, his expression turning more serious. "You think he's involved with her?"

"It’s possible," Rhys said slowly. "But Azriel’s careful. If he’s keeping something from us, it’s for a reason."

Amren, who had been silently observing the conversation, finally spoke, her voice dry and laced with boredom. “Whatever it is, he’ll tell you when he’s ready. No point in speculating about his private life.”

Mor glanced at Amren, then back at the others. “Still, it wouldn’t hurt to keep an eye on things. If he’s tangled up in something, we should know. Especially if it affects us or the missions we’re planning.”

Rhys gave a slow nod, his gaze flicking toward the window as if he were already piecing things together in his mind. “Agreed. But we give him space. Azriel’s earned that much.”

Cassian leaned back in his chair, his eyes thoughtful. “Yeah, but if he disappears again, I’m dragging him back here myself.”

The group shared a small laugh, but the lingering tension remained. Azriel’s absence weighed on them more than they were willing to admit, and the mystery of his sudden break gnawed at their collective curiosity.

As the conversation lulled, Rhys’s gaze turned distant, his thoughts clearly elsewhere. He could sense there was more to this story than what met the eye. Something was going on with Azriel—something deeper than just taking time off.

But for now, they would wait. And watch.

---

YN walked into the pleasure home, the familiar scent of incense and low hum of conversation filling the air. She had grown accustomed to the atmosphere over the years—the darkened rooms, the hushed voices, the hidden glances exchanged between patrons and the workers. Tonight, though, something felt different. Her nerves were on edge, her mind still unsettled by the feeling that she was being watched the other day at the market.

As she adjusted her black silk dress, ensuring it clung to her in all the right places, she pushed those thoughts aside. She had work to do, and there was no room for distractions. She glanced around the room, scanning the faces of the patrons lounging in their seats, drinks in hand and their eyes on the stage where the night's entertainment had just begun.

And then she saw them.

At one of the booths near the back, sitting comfortably as if they belonged, were Rhysand and Cassian. But this time, they weren’t alone. Their partners, Nesta and Feyre, were with them. The sight of the group made YN pause for a split second, her breath catching in her throat as recognition hit her. It was them—she had felt their presence before. They were the ones who had been following her at the market just the day before.

She played it cool, forcing a neutral expression onto her face as she straightened her posture. Whatever they were doing here, she wasn’t going to let them know that she had figured it out. She was already too involved in the tangled mess of Azriel’s secrets, and the last thing she needed was to attract more attention from his friends. Especially Feyre and Nesta. If they even had the faintest idea about her connection to Azriel, things could go downhill fast.

With a calm smile plastered on her face, she made her way toward their table. Her heart raced beneath her composed exterior, but she kept her movements steady, her steps measured and graceful as she approached the group.

"Good evening," YN greeted them, her voice smooth and professional as she came to a stop by their table. "What can I get for you tonight?"

Rhysand, ever the picture of charm and elegance, offered her a polite smile. His violet eyes met hers briefly, but there was a flicker of something beneath the surface—curiosity, perhaps, or maybe suspicion. Cassian leaned back in his chair, his arm draped casually over Nesta’s shoulders, while Feyre, sitting next to Rhys, regarded YN with an air of quiet observation.

“We’ll start with a round of drinks,” Rhys said, his tone casual, but YN could feel the weight of his gaze on her, as if he were sizing her up. “Something strong.”

YN nodded, jotting down the order even though she didn’t need to. She had memorized the menu long ago. “I’ll be right back with that.”

She turned on her heel and walked away, her mind racing as she made her way to the bar. It was no coincidence that they were here again, especially after what happened at the market. Rhys and Cassian had come to the pleasure home with Azriel once before, and now this was their third visit in such a short time. It couldn’t be a casual night out—it had to be something more.

Harvey, her bartender friend, raised an eyebrow as she approached. "You okay?" he asked quietly, noticing the tension in her shoulders.

YN forced a smile, shaking her head slightly. "Fine. Just...unexpected company," she muttered as she handed him the drink order. Her mind was spinning with questions, but she knew better than to discuss anything in the open.

As Harvey prepared the drinks, YN leaned against the bar, trying to steady herself. She had to stay calm, keep up the act. If Rhysand and the others were here for information, she couldn’t afford to give anything away. Not about herself, not about Azriel. Not about Knox. They still had no idea about her and Azriel, and she intended to keep it that way.

After a few minutes, Harvey slid the tray of drinks toward her, and YN lifted it carefully, balancing it in her hands as she returned to the table. She felt their eyes on her as she approached, but she kept her expression neutral, her smile practiced and professional.

"Here you go," she said, setting the drinks down in front of them. She noticed how Feyre’s eyes lingered on her for a moment longer than necessary, as if trying to place her.

"Thanks," Cassian said, his voice gruff but polite. Nesta glanced up at YN briefly before turning her attention back to her drink, uninterested in the small talk.

As YN set the last glass down in front of Rhys, she caught his gaze again. His expression was calm, unreadable, but she could sense the questions lurking beneath the surface. She had been in enough rooms with men like him to know when someone was trying to figure out a puzzle—and tonight, she was the puzzle.

Before anyone could say anything further, YN gave them a small nod and turned to leave, her pulse quickening as she walked away. She had to be careful now. Whatever game they were playing, she was already too deep in it. And with Azriel out on his week off, the last thing she needed was for his inner circle to find out about Knox—or their relationship.

As she walked back toward the bar, she allowed herself a moment to breathe. They were watching her, but she had survived worse. She just had to keep her head down, play her part, and hope that they wouldn’t dig too deep.

But the nagging thought wouldn’t leave her: Why were they here again? And what, exactly, were they hoping to find out?

YN stepped through the door of their small apartment, her body aching from the weight of the day. Exhaustion clung to her like a second skin, and her mind raced with endless thoughts—who had been spying on her, why the Inner Circle kept showing up, and what it all meant for her and Azriel. She had kept her cool at the pleasure house, but the constant pressure of pretending everything was normal while being watched was wearing her down.

The familiar warmth of home wrapped around her as she shut the door quietly behind her, but the tension in her body refused to ease. She dropped her bag on the floor, her gaze flicking to the couch where Azriel sat, barefoot and bare-chested, with only a pair of loose sweatpants hanging low on his hips. He was leaning back, a book resting in his hands, though the moment she entered, his golden-brown eyes were on her, sensing her frustration without needing to ask.

“Rough night?” Azriel asked softly, his voice a low rumble that sent a shiver down her spine. He closed the book and set it aside, his attention fully on her.

YN gave a small nod, too tired to speak. The weight of everything pressed down on her, making her feel like she could collapse right there in the doorway. Her shoulders slumped, and Azriel immediately got up, moving toward her with a fluid grace that belied the exhaustion she knew he carried too.

He reached for her gently, his hands sliding under her shirt, lifting it over her head in one smooth motion. The cool air hit her skin, but it wasn’t the chill that made her shiver. It was the way Azriel’s hands worked with such care, as though she were made of something fragile, even though he knew better than anyone that she wasn’t.

When he unclasped her bra and slid it off her shoulders, YN let out a long, shaky breath. Azriel’s presence was grounding, his hands firm yet tender as he guided her to the couch. He sat down first, pulling her with him until she was lying against his chest, her legs draped over his as she settled into his warmth. The steady rise and fall of his breathing was the only sound in the room for a moment, and YN could feel some of the tension in her body begin to melt away.

But she still felt overwhelmed—by the spying, by the uncertainty, by the weight of the past few days.

Azriel knew. He always did. His calloused hands moved to the scars on her back, the ridged lines that traced where her wings had been brutally clipped when she was only nine years old. It had been a trauma that never left her, not in all the years since. Even though she had healed, those scars still carried memories she couldn’t shake. And Azriel knew how much they haunted her.

His fingers brushed lightly over the scars, tracing the familiar pattern as he began to massage the tense muscles beneath. The pressure was just enough to ease the knots that had formed in her back, and YN couldn’t help the soft sigh that escaped her lips. He always knew how to take the pain away—both the physical and the emotional.

"Talk to me," Azriel murmured, his voice a quiet invitation. "What happened?"

YN closed her eyes, letting the warmth of his body and the soothing motions of his hands carry her for a moment. “I think they’re watching me,” she whispered, her voice barely audible. “I recognized Rhys and Cassian at the pleasure house tonight, and... they’ve been following me. I know it.”

Azriel’s hands paused briefly before continuing their gentle rhythm. He didn’t ask who “they” were—he didn’t need to. He had already suspected the Inner Circle’s involvement, though hearing it confirmed made his chest tighten.

“I’ll take care of it,” he promised quietly, his voice steady and unwavering. “You don’t have to worry about them.”

But that wasn’t the only thing gnawing at YN. There was more—the weight of being watched, the fear that their secret might be exposed. The fear that her past, her clipped wings, her life at the pleasure house, and everything she had built with Azriel and Knox would come crashing down.

“They don’t know about us, about Knox,” YN continued, her voice trembling slightly as she curled in closer to Azriel. “But if they keep following me... I’m scared they’ll find out.”

Azriel’s arms tightened around her, pulling her flush against his chest. His lips pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head, a silent reassurance. “They won’t,” he murmured, his breath warm against her hair. “I won’t let anything happen to you or Knox. You’re both safe.”

YN buried her face against his chest, the steady beat of his heart calming the storm inside her. She believed him—she always did. Azriel had been her anchor, her protector, the one person who had stood by her when no one else would. But even with his promises, the weight of everything still felt like too much.

His hands continued to work at the knots in her back, his fingers gentle yet firm, easing the tension from her muscles. YN let out a shaky breath, feeling her body slowly relax under his touch. She closed her eyes, allowing herself to sink deeper into the safety of Azriel’s arms, the familiar scent of him wrapping around her like a cocoon.

For a few moments, it was just them—their shared silence, the unspoken bond between them. Azriel’s hands never stopped moving, soothing the aches and pains that had built up inside her. His presence was her sanctuary, the one place she felt truly at peace.

And for now, that was enough.

Let me know if you'd wish to be tagged! Comments and reblogs are really appreciated!

There's three more chapters left and I think I might make a sequel but not with the mmc you think it is.... But the drama unfolds in the next chapter

#acotar #acotar x reader #azriel acotar #azriel x reader #azriel #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x oc #azriel fanfic #azriel spymaster #azriel x y/n #azriel x you #azriel imagine #acotar fanfiction #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acosf #az

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afewfantasies · 3 days

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Lucky Strike 🎯 🎱 - Visions - VI

COMPLETE MASTERLIST

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

Pairing: Benny Cross (Bikeriders) X Reader

Summary: The reader extends her stay and Benny confronts her with how he's been feeling. They share their visions of forever before being confronted with unwanted visitors. There are fluffy moments and lots of physical touch.

Word count: 3.4K

He could feel himself getting angry standing at your side. He didn’t think it was possible but hearing you call another man sweet things took him there easily. It was gnawing at him again. How little he had to offer a woman like the one you’d become. The little engagement ring riddled in diamonds was something he could never give you. The wind blows and he tries controlling his temper only to hear the phone slam into the receiver and a few coins falling out. Turning to face him your eyes are all lit up as you chew your bubble gum.

“We have two more weeks!” You giggle, taking his hands and hopping up and down with excitement. “Think that’s enough time to teach me to ride a Harley?” You ask as Benny’s energy settles.

“Why do you need to learn how to ride a Harley now?” Benny asks, wrapping his arms around you as he turns you to the parking lot.

“Well, my hobbies are much less thrilling” you pop your gum.

Benny smiles, eager to know more. “What are they?”

“My mother’s hobbies, shopping, reading, painting. Silence is the underlying theme.” You jest.

“I’m sure she won’t like you on a bike, your fiancé either” Benny adds fishing for more info on the man.

“Well that’s what friends are for Benny, you keep my secrets and I’ll keep yours. What they don’t know won’t hurt them. We’re on borrowed time so let’s get going so I don’t miss the picnics festivities” you stomp in good spirits. Benny’s smiling at you already indulging outbursts he shouldn’t.

“What if we blew off the picnic? And just went somewhere just us two?” Benny asks.

“How much money for gas do you have?” You ask handing him a five dollar bill.

“That’ll get us far enough” he comments, pulling out another ten. “This’ll keep us fed”

“What about if it rains or we need a place to stay?” You ask.

“We can figure it out. You trust me don’t you?” He asks and you find yourself smiling.

“With my life” you confess.

“Why are you so sunny today?” Benny asks, trying to get a hold of his own happiness.

“I get to spend seven more days with my best friend in the entire world who doesn’t expect me to wear stuffy proper clothes, or do anything really but be me and exist. To me that’s as exciting as a brand new shiny Harley is to you.” You explain.

“Now I feel special,” he says sarcastically, only it’s the furthest thing from a lie.

“Benjamin, don’t mock me, I'm being sincere.” you laugh shoving him playfully. Benny grabs your arm pulling you in closer as the two of you laugh.

“Y/N, if it was you or a brand new high performance Harley and unlimited gas. I’d choose you” Benny says.

“Oh wow, I am special. For a bike rider that’s practically wedding vows” you gape genuinely surprised.

“You can’t be surprised, you’re my best friend in the world” he asserts. “You grew up nice, I’d marry you too” Benny says cavalier. He shrugs casually and you laugh.

“Now I know you’re pulling my leg, I see the way you look at my clothes. I know what you and the guys think about my fancy style” you tell him to get on the back of his bike and slide back so he can get on.”

His good humour fades into a serious expression “Not pulling your leg. What’s so hard to believe? You don’t love the other guy and he’d marry you” Benny says and you take a breath closing your eyes. You blank when you try to picture your future with Benny married. He smiles amused that you visualise things in adulthood.

“We both have bikes” he says, starting you off.

“Mhm” you nod motioning for him to keep the visuals coming.

“We live someplace simple but near enough to a shopping mall to feed your habit” he says and you laugh.

You nod some more “Keep going…”

“And I work at an auto shop or factory. You bake from time to time to make some money.”

Benny continues and you hold out a hand with your eyes till closed moving it from side to side to tell him that part of the vision is so so.

“When do you have time to ride and meet up with the guys?” You ask, opening your eyes and he shrugs.

“Weekends” he proposes.

“This bike is everything to you Benny. Don’t be so quick to give it up for a life of responsibility. We’ve had enough of that” you tell him disregarding his incomplete satirical vision of the future.

“So what your fiancé has more to offer you?” Benny snaps. “Or is an auto mechanic not good enough” he snaps feeling affronted.

Your brows knit and it takes you a moment to realise it was real for him. You take in enough air to fill your lungs in absolute shock sitting there on his bike. Benny watches as it all comes to you. The revelation hurts, he’d been swimming in confusing feelings for you since he’d laid eyes on you and you hadn't given it a serious thought. He leaves you spinning as he heads in the direction of the outdoor pool to have a smoke and cool off instead of kicking up a fuss.

Swallowing you look at your feet and then to his bike and then you relax as water comes to your eyes. The thought of hurting Benny is too much. You’d locked up your heart long ago. No expectations, no disappointments. When your fiancé came around it seemed perfect. You’d be tethered to each other out of chosen obligation, not something as fickle as love. He promised to care for you and he would. He’d never have to pretend with you and that there was real love enough. Just not the kind most couples hoped for. The world wasn’t yet ready for him to openly love the man of his choosing and so he opted for a wife that understood and accepted him. Your fiancé was a safe space who ensured that you wouldn’t be the only one playing a role while in public within your society. Pretending to be proper and well off when your humble beginnings suggested otherwise. Getting off the bike you make your way to the pool and find Benny sitting on one of the chairs. He’s gorgeous even when he’s upset. You smile, allowing yourself to see him as more. You sit down beside him and he kills his smoke on the concrete before looking at you with a clenched jaw.

“If you get mad so fast this’ll never work. I’ll wear down your nerves and keep your cigarette pack empty” you tease with a smirk. Benny swallows his own, unable to stay upset with you. “I wasn’t implying you don’t have enough to offer. I was making it clear I don’t expect you to sacrifice your happiness for my comfort” you explain.

“It would make me happy to keep you comfortable” Benny mutters.

“You could work for a bit and then we could save up and buy a mobile home. Huck would give us a truck. We could do something that keeps you on a bike as often as possible.

“That would make you happy?” Benny asks.

“We could drive anywhere, see this country and eventually maybe even the world. An extended adventure. That would make me happy.” you confess allowing yourself a dream.

“Not being a mother?” Benny asks.

“I’d like to live a little first so I can settle down and have something to offer a kid.” You explain. Bennys never heard such a thing. He scratches his head. People got married, got a home and worked until they died to provide for their families. That’s how adulthood had been put to him. “Benny, do you want kids?” You ask.

“Not sure, I mean if it happened I’d be okay with it” he shrugs. “A mobile home?” He asks, looking at you.

“Yeah, cheaper than hotels and motels. You can use it like a tent. A boy from my high school got one he drove all the way down to South America. Said it was life changing” you share.

“That’s what you want?” Benny says being the first to ask. You close your eyes again and you can picture it. Being on the road with Benny for hours. Exploring new places. Taking pictures, laughing, talking by campfires.

“Yeah” you nod, opening them to him. He draws in a deep breath.

“I don’t know a lick of Spanish” he mumbles.

“We can figure it out,” you shrug.

He sighs. “Doubt your mother will like that”

“She’ll get over it” you shrug again. “Now let’s go to this picnic and have a good time.” You stand holding out a hand for him. Benny takes it, getting up and pulling you into a warm hug. You were his heart beating outside his body. Something he heard Johnny say about his daughter once. Now he finally knew what it really felt like. He gets on the bike first and you follow suit giving him space as he starts up. The running engine starts the motor and Benny settles back in his seat. Taking your hand from his side he pulls your hand to slide you closer to him so you’re body to body before repositioning your hand on his abdomen.

“Comfortable?” He shouts over the sounds of the bike looking back at you.

“Yeah!” You nod before resting your head on his back. He gives your hand a pat feeling like a new man as you pull off. Your mind runs wild at the possibilities and at the physical contact. You can’t help but wonder where all this has come from. Benny declaring his intentions. He’d always loved you but had it really been more? He’d been in a relationship and you betrothed and there’d been no room in your heart for expectation or disappointment after a lifetime of it one way or another. You’d never really had anyone after you left Benny. Your fiancé had been a friend turned potential life partner and overall good man. In your bid for normalcy you’d decided to adopt and maybe foster a child that came from a situation like yours. You wouldn’t be a mother but a friend, a safe space for the kids and him. It brought you enough peace.

The prospect of being with Benny was different. Exciting, terrifying, riveting. Your return had fed your soul in more ways that anyone could ever know. Love had never been in your vision for yourself. You tried it in high school but what your friends described and what you felt were totally different. Pretty dressed and pretending was all it was. After high school you were in a relationship with a guy your mom thought was great. You tried to let yourself fall but it didn’t happen. He was enamoured but you’d always been lukewarm. Smiling on cue, laughing at his jokes and he was none the wiser parading you around like a trinket. Sex was the nail in the relationship's coffin.

You went to the library at a women’s college the next day. A small penis and premature ejaculation were to blame for that god awful first time, in addition to a lack of skill. As you closed that book on sex you closed your heart and mind to the possibilities of love. Your fiancé came into town a few weeks later. The rest was history.

Benny takes his hand from the handles placing one over yours on his stomach. He’d never felt so full in all his years. Tearing through the Chicago roads his mind is fixed on your vision of the future. He’d never ever thought he could travel. Be free of this city. Be with a woman like the one you’d become. You start to hear a party as the cement turns into gravel and eventually dirt roads. There’s cheering at Bennys arrival. You hug a couple of the guys looking for Johnny’s wife Barb. You watch a couple guys on the grill and run around with the kids playing tag and frisbee. A few hours in, you and Barbara walk up the hill to sit in peace.

“Benny can’t keep his eyes off you” she says perceptively. Looking into your drink you smile and she laughs at your blush. “You’re good for him, he looks relaxed every time he sees you’re having fun” she adds. “Hear you two have been hold up in one hotel room”

“It’s not like that” you smile, knocking your knees against hers. “We’ve never fooled around,” you tell her honestly.

“I believe you, Bennys girls aren’t typically so sane” she jokes. You look at the sunset.

You sigh.“The girls say it’s not easy living a vandal”

“Because they love the vandal when they’re supposed to love the man.” She says.

“I love Johnny. He loves the club so I support that. And god does that man love me. Comes home every night unless he’s driving a long hall and works his ass off. He deserves a little partying and some beer every night. If riding around with his friends and sitting at the clubhouse makes him a vandal, so what?” She shrugs.

“Y’all get down here before it gets dark” Johnny shouts from below. You and Barb hold hands talking it slow. By the time you’re down it’s dark and the guys are tending a fire. The kids are asleep in cars and the party is getting started. You sit beside Benny and he wraps an arm around you.

“Alright?” He checks in.

“Yeah you?”

“Mhm” he nods with eyes on your lips. You feel your heart flutter as he kisses your forehead instead. He’s golden in the hue of the campfire. You look away melting under the heat of being looked at as an object of desire from someone you actually love and admire. It’s an immense pressure. Your heart races and fear wins out, when you remember society’s expectations.

“I’m not a virgin Benny. I know it means a lot to some men so I thought I’d tell you now” you confess looking at him. His eyes hold yours before he smiles a little.

“Neither am I” he shrugs. You hold his gaze relaxing when you see he’s serious and it’s not a point of contention. “What, you thought I'd be upset? You gonna be upset that I’m not either”

“I don't know you could be. You’re a bike rider. I hear how these guys are and I hear you get all the ladies.” You recall.

“I’m not like that. I don’t run through women.” He says. “How about you?”

“It was once and it was terrible but at least it was quick.” You tell him and he frowns.

“Did he have your permission?” He asks with his heart in his stomach.

“Yes but it was … god Benny I’ve never said any of this out loud” you admit feeling bashful.

“It was what?” He asks pulling you in closer.

“Not good, I wanted it to end and him to get off of me and then it was over and he was asking for a few more minutes to make it up and apologising and I was getting dressed to go home.” You confess making Benny chuckle. “Sheesh” he says amused.

“It’s not funny” you say, misunderstanding his laughter.

“No it’s not but it is. Gorgeous as you are poor fool probably got too excited. That’s not how it should be.” Benny says looking down at you. It was a strange thing to be so open with a woman but it was you.

“No?” you ask.

“No,” he affirms.

You sigh not believing him.“I think that’s just for men”

“It’s not ask Barbara,” Benny advises.

“I’m not asking Barbara about her and her husband” you whisper aghast at Bennys suggestion. He chuckles some more and you realise you love to see him smile. “You’re being a terror” you smile getting up and he follows suit, enjoying winding you up now as much as he had as a boy.

“It’s not just enjoyable for men,” he says, pulling you close as you make it to a park bench away from the group. The city is sparkling below as you sit resting your head against his.

“Tired?”

“Mhm” you nod.

“Let’s head back while you can still ride with me” he says standing. You find Johnny and a few others before leaving and riding into the night. Benny parks and you get your keys for the hotel stopping when you see two big guys outside your door. You step back into Benny who steps in front of you.

“Y/N Y/LN?” One of the men says.

“Who’s asking?” Benny snaps.

“You have an outstanding debt. I was gonna collect it’s value from your step mothers house but she told me you could give me cold hard cash” the man says looking around Benny at you.

“I don’t have any, the man is dead, leave us alone” you tell him.

“You deal with me” Benny tells them and he scoffs.

“Fancy hotel like this. You have until tomorrow at midnight to clear the debt or I’ll beat one of the kids. Vandal, you know where to find me.” the man says before walking away. You feel your hands trembling. Benny takes the keys letting you in. You’re a kid again. It’s not the first time. Far from the first time men have showed up to collect.

“Even while dead” you sigh and Benny holds you.

“I’ll take care of it. Must’ve missed one” Benny promises.

“Benny it’s extortion, they’ll keep on now they think I’m well off. I can’t believe she sent them here?!” You snap.

“Y/N relax, I’ll take care of it. Don’t worry. Grab a shower and let’s go to sleep.” Benny suggests but just like that you’re too wired. A ball of nerves. A mix of fear and frustration. You sit on the couch and he follows pulling you onto his lap before cradling you like a child. His eyes assure you it’s handled. “Nothings gonna happen to you” he promises as tears fall. He wipes them away, taking on the role of protector like he had so many times before.

“Benny, I'll just take some things to the pawnshop for the cash. I don’t want trouble” you sigh, not wanting it to be bigger than it needs to be.

“I’ll take care of it,” Benny asserts.

“But B-“

“Shhhhhh, I have the cash. I’ll clear the debt” he asserts. You swallow looking up at him wondering how it was that you were so lucky to have him and then find him again. Sitting up you run your fingers through the low sides of his hair. His eyes watch you intently.

“Thank you” you whisper and he places a kiss on your forehead and the nose.

“You never have to thank me,” he says, not needing it.

“I do Benny, and I love you” you confess. “Like a crazy amount” you say, breathing through your tears.

“I know, and believe me I love you more” he says.

“Impossible” you smile as he wipes your tears away. Taking your chin he brings your lips to his several times kissing them quickly as he tries adding levity to the situation.

“It’s a fact” he asserts.

“Now go shower first” he whispers and you nod, getting up feeling a little better. You cry in the shower feeling as powerless to your father as you did in childhood. You get in bed as Benny heads to the bathroom. You don’t have to ask him to sleep beside you. He does. Getting in the bed pulling you to him and placing his hand under your silk top is resting skin to skin. “I’m here okay?”

“Mhm”

“Forever” he promises and you turn to him.

“Forever” you agree. He’d gone from having nothing to everything in a matter of weeks. He never wanted you to worry again. This time your dad’s choices wouldn’t win. He’d save the day and keep. His hand slides up your back as he holds you and your heart beats sync.

Authour's Note:

Ok, ok, ok, so we're moving along. I know this one moved a little quick but it's longer than the typical update. How do we feel about them unthawing for each other? How do we feel about their vision for the future? How do we feel about that ending? Lets get into it!

Thanks for reading lovelies 🩵🩵🩵

TAGS:

@mrsalwayswrite @ughdontbeboring @astrogrande @palomavz @thesaturngurl @peggyao3 @thefallofthedamned @avidreader73

#austin butler imagine #austin butler #austin butler x reader #austin butler x you #benny cross imagine #benny cross x reader #benny the bikeriders #benny cross #benny #the bikeriders x reader #the bikeriders

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saltnsugarbear · 1 day

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you're the only one who makes me- every time we- (18+)

summary: just some foundational building for this au (headcanons)

title from: "Wildflower" by 5 Seconds of Summer

word count: 1.4k

content warnings: MDNI!!! talks of cam work, allusions to a break-in, casual affection between friends, allusions to sexual fantasies

side note: everyone go kiss aw-live for giving me more filthy ideas on this au <3

- I think we've decided Lip hosts his cam streams in the top floor of the Alibi Room (we being me and Olive)

- it's simply the place where he would have the most privacy and Veronica would probably be chill about it and be like get your bag (she ran cam shows??? so she's like fuck yeah okay king)

- I've just remembered she did cam shows, hell yeah actually she's like get your bag king here are some tips and shit.

- V probably helps set him up with a nice camera, gives him a set of keys to get into the bar and upstairs, helps him spruce the place up, make it look nice for the streams

- this takes place during when he works at Patsy's, and is 100% diverging from canon

- I don't think he's entirely obnoxious about how attractive he is but he has some sort of inkling? like he's the smallest bit cocky about his appearance around his partners just because they're kind of like,,,, they short circuit sometimes

- so he has the idea that he's attractive enough so he's like fuck it why not try?

- and I mean he's got a mouth on him so he can definitely say some shit that'll get people hot and bothered

- so he figures doing cam shows is worth a shot and will help bring in some money on the side

- you work at Patsy's Pies as a waiter, dressed in the white tank top and shorts that have become your uniforms

- you're one of Fiona's most trusted and therefore are very close with her

- one day Fi asks you to go out but day of she asks if you can swing by her place, asking you to bring an item of clothing with you because she has the perfect outfit planned

- so you take the L to the nearest station to her and make it to her house in no time

- you're a little surprised the Gallaghers have an unlocked door policy given they live in Southside Chicago but oh well, Fiona assures you they're prepped for anything (she even shows you The Bat)

"It's unlocked!!" You hear from behind the door. The voice sounds much farther than just a door between the both of you. True to the statement, the door gives way when you turn the doorknob.

The mudroom your greeted with is cramped, boots and shoes littering the floor and coats crammed onto different hooks.

"Kitchen!" You can hear Fiona's voice clearer now. You duck out of the mudroom, taking in the cluttered living room that leads to the dining room.

Fiona pops her head out from the doorframe and gives you a bright smile. "You made it!"

"I said I would, didn't I?" You adjust the strap of your bag on your shoulder. Fiona shrugs as you walk into the kitchen. Her hair is up, and she's got a steaming mug in her hands.

"You brought it, right?" Her eyes are bright as she looks at you. You nod, opening the bag to pull out the corseted top she asked you to bring. It was something you had been gifted and never planned on wearing yourself, so you offered it to Fiona happily.

Her eyes light up when she sees it. Fiona sets her mug down before she walks over to you, taking the top out of your hands. You watch as she fingers the material, taking it in.

"Thank you," Fiona is quick to wrap her arms around your shoulders, bringing you into a fierce hug.

"'S no problem." You tell her, squeezing her tight before she let's go.

"Gonna go change, and then we can get ready together!" Fiona gives you a soft kiss to your cheek as she departs. You've become used to Fiona's casual affections, watching how she gave the same affection to her siblings in the restaurant. "Help yourself to some coffee."

You watch as Fiona goes up the stairs, disappearing behind the wall. You listen to her walking upstairs before you set your bag on the counter and search for a mug.

The sound of footsteps on the stairs comes sooner than you anticipated Fiona would be.

"Hey Fi," You call over your shoulder. "Where uh- where do you keep the clean mugs?"

The footsteps stop short, and you turn around to look at Fiona. "Left cabinet."

It is not Fiona who speaks, and you think you might break your neck with how quickly you finish your turn. Lip stands on the third step.

Shirtless.

The sight makes your brain pause. Your eyes widen slightly, taking in every detail you can process. What jumps out at you the most is the outline of a triangle on his left pec.

"I- Um-" You're struggling to find any words.

"Sorry, didn't think anyone else would be here other than Fiona." Lip takes the last few steps down and walks to the laundry basket on top of the washing machine. Your eyes follow him as he crosses the room and grabs the first shirt he can get his hands on.

You watch silently as his muscles move when he lifts the shirt over his head. You quickly avert your gaze when he tugs it over his chest.

"Which, uh- which cabinet did you say?" The image of the ink triangle has thoroughly derailed any thoughts you might have had.

"Far left." Lip's voice is curt.

You make your way to the counter, leaning against it to open the far left cabinet door. True to his word, there sit mix-matched coffee mugs.

"Pass me one?" Lip's voice is closer and you can feel his shoulder against yours as you grab the first mug. You softly place the first mug on the counter, exchanging it to your other hand to pass it to Lip. His fingers are warm where they graze over yours when he takes the cup. You're quick to grab your own, turning to push yourself against the counter behind you.

After he's filled the first mug, he passes it to you on the counter and holds his hand out for the empty when you've got grasped between both your hands. You're almost too quick to pass him the mug, nearly pushing it into his hands.

You take the first one, bringing it close to your chest. Being this close to Lip makes your brain go blank like an etch-a-sketch.

"Cream, sugar?" Lip asks as he places the pot back against the machine.

"Uh, both." You say, setting your cup on the counter.

Lip nods as he opens the fridge, grabbing the gallon of milk from the fridge.

"Sugar's behind you.." Lip mutters coming up beside you and reaching around you. You can't help but freeze, holding your breath until Lip is out of your space.

He grabs two spoons from the drying rack on one side of the sink, offering you one of them.

You take it from his hand, your fingertips brushing against his knuckles

You can feel his eyes on you as you start taking spoonfuls out of the container. The huff he lets out through his nose makes you glance at him, watching as he rubs softly at the knick on his cheek.

"Make your coffee.." You mutter, bumping your shoulder into his.

Lip huffs, turning back to his cup. He takes the sugar from your hand, trading you the milk for it.

As you mix the milk and sugar into your coffee, you can't help but zone out.

The inked triangle you saw on Lip's chest makes an appearance in you fantasies that night. And the few nights after that, when you try to get yourself off.

Of course, such a simple thing was to haunt your mind.

It was Lip Gallagher, after all.

- Lip is not the soft and sweet camboy no no

- he is the mean, condescending camboy

- the camboy who talks you through it, degrades you while fucking himself into his own fleshlight in his hand

- the camboy who teases you and coaxes you and says if you cum before he tells you to he won't let you cum again for a week

- safe to say he builds quite the desperate fan base. men, women, and people alike clock in to watch his streams, showering him in tips easily, giving him enough money in one stream to pay rent

- sometimes he's an extra tease on stream, using his third one for the week to just talk you through it, not even thinking about his own pleasure as he coaxes you through your own release

- that's all for now

- gotta wait for the big show for more thoughts!!!

#saltnsugarbear #too much salt (18+)#wet dream [ series ]#lip gallagher x reader #lip gallagher smut #lip gallagher fanfic #shameless fanfiction #lip gallagher fanfiction

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inmyheaddd · 2 days

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meet me in the afterglow - averyjameson

a/n: this may be my fav averyjameson fic i’ve written 😕 wc: 1.7k warnings: swearing, our fav parents fighting 💔, angst but v fluffy ending i promise!! masterlist

avery sat in her room alone, reading a book to keep herself busy, but she wasn’t actually taking in a single word.

she usually enjoyed the coldness of her room, but now it was just a bleak reminder that the one person who always radiated warmth and sent jolts through her with his touch wasn’t there with her.

and the worst part, was that it was her fault.

“what do you want me to do, heiress? act like i have it all figured out?” jameson’s voice grew louder, “well i don’t, i can’t just—”

“—just what?” she shot back, “jameson, i never asked you to act or pretend. i don’t need perfect, i don’t even want it. i need real.” her volume began to match his, even though she hated fighting with all her being.

the moments from last night played on repeat in her mind like a broken record player she couldn’t stop. she chewed on her bottom lip, and before she knew it, her eyes began to sting.

she wondered what jameson was doing now —drinking? driving at speeds far too high? blacked out? with his brothers? feeling nothing? feeling everything? whatever, she didn’t care. she didn’t care.

“i need you to stop acting like nothing matters every time things get hard!”

“oh, so staying silent how you do is any better? fuck, avery, i hate to break it to you, but this is the “real” me. as real as it fucking gets.” he said through a force chuckle, letting go of the nickname and using her name instead. “if thats too much for you, or— or, or not enough for you, maybe you should just walk away.“

without realizing, another tear fell onto the page on her book, and it was like the boiling point for her.

slamming the book shut and chucking it across her room, her hands came to cover her face as she sobbed, and she brought her knees up to her chest.

she was muffling her sobs like she’d gotten so used to doing when she was growing up, so no one would hear her, but there was no one there to hear her now anyway.

he took a step back, running a hand through his hair frustratedly as avery blinked back angry tears. “jameson, don’t even say that to me.” her voice quivered, but she wouldn’t let a tear drop. “don’t you dare look for the easy way out. you’re a hawthorne, aren’t you? the easiest answer is never the right one — you’re the one that told me that.”

she trudged her way out of her room to the kitchen, after angrily wiping at her tears and staring at her reflection for far too long.

she revised over all the things she would say to jameson when she saw him again, how sorry she was, how she never meant any of it, how she was so out of her mind.

jameson laughed bitterly, shaking his head. “avery, none of this is easy." his eyes met hers, his voice colder than she’d ever heard it. “you want someone i can’t be. you want a version of me that doesn’t exist. i can’t change myself no matter how hard i try, and believe me — i have.”

her throat began to tighten as she struggled to keep her composure. “jameson, no. i want you—whatever flaws you think you have and all.” she exclaimed, the next part coming out much quieter than she intended. “but you…” she trailed off, “you don’t even trust me with all of that. why can’t you understand that i love you for who you are? i want to work for us. i know we aren’t perfect, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t something worth trying for.”

“heiress,” he paused, “trying isn’t working anymore. down the line we’ll both be miserable and you’ll say nothing until we have one of these bursting screaming matches like this again. you don’t deserve it. it’s not worth it.”

it’s not worth it. they weren’t worth it. she wasn’t worth it.

avery swirled the glass of water she filled up as she leaned against the counter, dim low lighting filling the empty kitchen. the freezing water made her feel as cold on the inside as she was outside.

she finished her glass and made her way out of the kitchen, making a turn to get to the stairs, only to stop in her tracks and stagger back.

her eyes met familiar green ones with slight bags under them, and an unruly bed of hair that usually looked a little tidier.

avery was at a loss for words, jameson hawthorne, standing infront of her, giving up because things got too hard?

she scoffed, but she sounded more dejected than she did angry. “fine then. don’t try anymore.” she swallowed, taking in the way jameson’s brows softened and a flash of something passed through his eyes, though she couldn’t quite place it. regret? anger? satisfaction?

she let her eyes do the talking for a moment before speaking. “you are the most selfish person i’ve ever met.” she added with purpose, every word like a dagger to him. she didn’t wait for anything he had to say, turning on her heels with one last look and walking out of the room.

jameson called out for her, but she kept walking. her heart beat faster than it ever had before and it was like every inch of her body wanted to turn around and collapse in his arms.

—to apologize for everything she did and didn’t do, to look into his eyes and see that glitter of love in them, for him to kiss the tears off of her and simply be there.

unfortunately for avery kylie grambs, she didn’t always get what she wanted, and she kept walking forwards.

avery felt like she had the wind knocked out of her as jameson stood infront of her, breathing heavily as he looked equally as surprised to have found her.

every rehearsed line and practiced speech she had left her mind in that moment. the only thing that rang through it was his name. “jameson,” she said, almost whispering.

“heiress, wait.” he said, reaching an arm out to stop her leaving— he couldn’t let her go. she wasn’t going to anyway, she felt frozen in place. she also didn’t want to leave.

“i, i don’t know what to say, jameson, i’m so sorry.” she said with a light shake of her head, “i was so out of line last night, and i shouldn’t have—“

he cut her off, “no, avery, let me just say this, please.” he said with pleading eyes. “i think i should be institutionalized with the way i felt like i’ve lost my mind without you. i know i lost my mind last night, that’s for sure.”

he chuckled nervously, and avery knew jameson hawthorne never got nervous. “avery, you are worth every single thing on this goddamn planet— in the whole universe. i don’t think i could begin to conceptualize a life without you in it. what i said last night? i lied.“

he took a deep, shuddering breath in. “i said i couldn’t change for you, but i know that’s not true, because i have— before my own eyes. every waking day i spend with you makes me want to become better, for you, heiress.”

avery felt her eyes begin to prick with tears once again, but she didn’t feel a single drop of hurt in her body now. “i’ve never felt so deeply devoted and in love with anything in my life before, and that scares me. it scares me in a way nothing has before because i know it’s so real. but im not letting my fears get in the way, not anymore.”

jameson’s chest heaved as he looked down at avery, “heiress. you don’t have to say anything.” he said upon seeing her glossy eyes.

there was nothing she could say anyway to express the complete enamored feeling she felt when she looked at him, to express how much she loved him.

she wrapped her arms around his neck tightly, as his arms wrapped around her middle like if he held any looser she would disappear, his head dropping down to her neck.

“i’m so sorry,” avery sobbed into his shoulder, “i love you so much. i’m so in love with you. i couldn’t ever imagine losing what we have.”

“you won’t ever have to, heiress. i’m staying forever.” he mumbled, as one of his hands came to run through her hair. when she didn’t respond, and he heard her muffled hiccups, he spoke once again. “heiress,” he he lifted his head, his voice low and almost musical. “don’t get all sappy on me now, i much prefer that smile of yours.”

she sniffled as she let out a little laugh, pulling back from the hug and wiping away at her tears. “shut up.”

jameson’s smile only grew at the sound of her laugh, and her now slightly red eyes met his. her smile faded for a second before she spoke again, remembering the events that had just happened the day before.

“jameson, i— you have no idea how sorry i am.” her brows slightly furrowed as she shook her head, echoing her words for earlier.

he chuckled, reaching his hands out to grab hers, “yeah? i think if you repeat it one more time, i’ll have a pretty good idea.”

“stop it,” she laughed, “im being serious.”

“so am i. you don’t have to apologize.”

“i do, though. and i’m sorry,”

“if you say you’re sorry once more, i may have to consider bringing you to rehab for people pleasers.”

“jameson,” avery breathed out through a chuckle, “i just wanted you to know.”

“heiress, i know.” he nodded with a small grin as he brought her closer, and she let go of his hands and brought them to his chest.

his eyes flickered over her whole face, frequenting back to her lips and eyes, and there was that glitter of love in his that she loved so much.

“can i kiss you now?” he mumbled.

“you don’t even have to ask.” her voice was barely audible in the small space between them.

he hummed in disagreement as he leaned in, his lips barely touching hers. the mere act made avery feel like she was buzzing alive as her breath caught in her throat. it would never get old.

“i like hearing you want me, like how i want you.” he whispered against her lips, before finally pressing a kiss to them, and they quickly found their rhythm against eachother.

his hands moved to cradle her face, like he needed her as close to him as humanly possible, his brows knotting deeply as he kissed her.

jameson pulled back ever so slightly, his forehead resting against hers as they both caught their breath.

his thumb brushed gently across her cheek as he looked at her, his heart leaping at the sight of the her smile.

"see," he murmured, his voice soft, "much better than the sappy stuff."

avery let out a small laugh, feeling light on her toes. she looked into his eyes, feeling the love pouring out of them. “everything is better with you.”

taglist: @x-liv25-jamieswife @wish-i-were-heather @thecircularlibrary @whatsamongus @sweetlikeanangel

@littlemissmentallyunstable @anintellectualintellectual @tornqdowarnings @maybxlle @sheisntyou

@emelia07 @midiosaamor @sweetreveriee — if you’d like to be added or removed lmk!

#averyjameson #avery kylie grambs #jameson hawthorne #the inheritance games #the grandest game #grayson hawthorne #xander hawthorne #nash hawthorne #tig #tgg #games untold #avery x jameson #javery #❦ jude writes

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girliism · 7 hours

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a continuation of this

you and patrick orbited around each other that following week. you refused to speak to him. you felt humiliated, having to see her, interact with her, and with your new found realization you wondered how had you not seen it before? the less than platonic touches that lingered too long, how patrick seemed to hang onto her every word. the tension between the two of you was suffocating and impossible to ignore. “practice might run late tonight.” your friend eyed the both you. “ok.” you answered dryly. patrick placed a hesitant and awkward kiss on your head before leaving. your friend cleared her throat. “so, what’s going on with you two.” you looked at her. “what do you mean.” you knew what she meant. “nothing just you guys seem weird.” she shrugged. but you couldn’t avoid him forever, i mean you guys lived in the same house. “couldn’t sleep?” you were standing at the counter when patrick walked into the kitchen. you shook your head. “never realized how big our bed is.” patrick has sleeping in the guest bed. the tall brunette came to stand next to you. “don’t you think we should talk.” you sighed and looked up at him. “i’m tired, patrick.” you grabbed the tea you were brewing, going to make your way back upstairs before his voice stopped you. “are you gonna leave me?” his question rattled around in your head. would you? over something he said ment nothing. except sex always ment something.

“that depends entirely on you.” you mumble. “what?” turn to face him. “i see the you look at her patrick.” he huffed. “and don’t tell me it doesn’t mean anything because it does.” patrick ran his hand through his hair. “when can we let this go? it was mistake that i am forever sorry about, but you can’t keep punishing me.” he defended himself. you let out a breathy laugh. “you went out of your way to have sex with her patrick, that doesn’t sound like a “mistake” to me.” patrick rubbed his hands over his face, throwing his head back. “well it was.” his words muffled by his hands over his face. why couldn’t you just believe him. “are you in love with her?” patrick just looked at you. was he? or was this merely a crush, some sort of fleeting infatuation for his past lover. “you are my wife.” you closed your eyes ignoring how he ignored the question. “am i? because it’s like i have to beg for your attention, while she could call you and you’re out the door.” you said, tears building up, patrick walked up to you placing his hands on your shoulders. “i wanna make this work, i wanna put this behind us. please.”

so you guys made it work. patrick gave himself boundaries when it came to tashi, no more late night practices or business dinners alone. he spent more time with you, taking you on dates more which felt awkward at first having to start over. there was even a redo on family pizza night which the kids loved, though it brought back bittersweet memories for you. “dad, look i made a tennis ball pizza.” your son laughed. with patrick’s final season starting soon he was gonna be on the road, alone, with tashi. “patrick?” you whispered. it was the middle of the night but you couldn’t sleep, you kept rolling around your wedding ring, the piece of jewelry that once felt like a second skin now sometimes felt heavy. “hm.” he hummed. “will i be able to trust you on tour?” patrick rolled to lie on his back, placing his hand in yours. “of course.” you let out a deep sigh, squeezing lightly at his hand

patrick ended winning the us opening he had previously lost, announcing his retirement from tennis thanking both you and tashi for getting him here.

( i think reader staying with patrick and them working it out was the more realistic approach.)

#girliism #challengers #patrick zweig #patrick zweig x reader #patrick zweig angst

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doumadono · 3 days

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EMERGENCY REQUEST

Hello! So, I think I just got sexually harassed and my anxiety is off the roof because of it, so I could really use some comfort. Would you be willing to write about Shinobu and a gender neutral reader where the reader has really bad anxiety? If you don't want to/can't, I totally get it! And if you do, thank you so much!

Breathe with me - Shinobu x gn!Reader

EMERGENCY REQS - PART 2

"You're trembling," Shinobu's voice was soft, laced with concern as she stood by your side. Her violet eyes held a gentle warmth, a stark contrast to her usually sharp, teasing demeanor. "Can you take a deep breath for me?"

You hadn’t realized how badly your hands were shaking, curled into fists in your lap as if clinging to something invisible, something that could tether you to reality. The anxiety had built up so fast, like a wave crashing over you, and now, the air felt too thick to breathe. "I... I don’t know if I can talk about it," you managed, your voice barely a whisper. It felt stuck in your throat, raw and aching. "It’s just too much. I feel like I’m falling apart."

Shinobu knelt down in front of you, the soft rustle of her haori the only sound cutting through the silence. Her expression, though calm, was filled with something you rarely saw in her: pure compassion.

“I…” Your voice faltered, words slipping away before you could grasp them, replaced by the sinking weight of fear. You could feel the panic building, the tightness in your chest making it hard to breathe.

"Shh, it's alright. You're safe," she said, her hand resting lightly on your arm, her touch feather-soft but grounding. "I know it feels unbearable right now, but I’m here with you. No one will hurt you while I’m by your side."

Her words, steady and certain, began to cut through the whirlwind in your mind. You focused on the way she spoke to you — not with pity, but with unwavering confidence, as though she fully believed in the strength you couldn’t see in yourself at this moment.

"You don't have to talk about it until you're ready," Shinobu continued, her tone patient. "But let me help you breathe through it, alright? In for four seconds, out for six… just like I taught you."

Her fingers traced small, soothing circles on your skin, a grounding point in the chaos of your thoughts. You nodded faintly, even though it felt like the world was still spinning too fast. Still, you trusted her. Closing your eyes, you focused on the rhythm of your breath, mirroring the slow, measured inhalations and exhalations she guided you through.

"In," Shinobu murmured gently. "And out."

With each breath, the crushing weight in your chest began to ease, if only a little. The way she stayed so close, without pushing or rushing you, made you feel safer than you'd thought possible. The knot of anxiety loosened, and though the fear hadn't completely dissipated, it no longer threatened to choke you.

"Good," she said, her voice filled with quiet encouragement. "You're doing so well. I’m proud of you, Y/N."

You opened your eyes to find her watching you with a soft smile, her eyes radiating warmth. There was no trace of mockery, none of her usual teasing nature. Just kindness.

“Shinobu,” you whispered, your voice finally able to form words, though they came out hesitant and raw. “It was awful.”

The woman's expression darkened slightly, though she kept her composure. "You don’t have to explain it now, but know that what you’re feeling is valid. I’m not going anywhere, no matter how long it takes for you to feel like yourself again. If you need me, I’ll stay."

You nodded, tears welling up in your eyes as the vulnerability of the moment hit you.

Shinobu pulled you into a gentle embrace, her arms wrapping around you with surprising tenderness. "We don’t have to talk about anything. We can just be."

You smiled weakly, the words escaping you, but she understood.

And as she sat beside you, her presence steady and reassuring, the weight of your anxiety seemed to lift, just a little. It wasn’t gone, but with the Insect Hashira by your side, it felt like something you didn’t have to carry alone anymore.

#emergency request #kimetsu no yaiba #kny #demon slayer #kny x reader #kimetsu no yaiba x reader #demon slayer x reader #anime fluff #shinobu kocho #shinobu x reader #shinobu x y/n #shinobu fluff #shinobu kocho x reader

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hyunjinsjeans · 21 hours

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Winter Madness (Han x Reader)

Summary: trying to take things slow with Chan after a certain conversation turns into a weekend getaway to remember.

Type: Fluff 🧸, SFW 👍

Warnings: Mentions of pregnancy, mentions of health issues.

Word count: 1992 Words

Related: He Knows (Han ver.)

Masterlist Here

AN: This fic is a part 2 to Han’s version of the He Knows Series. It can also be read as a stand alone. This one is not as horny as Bangchan’s version hehe, I wanted more Hannie fluff, so here we are! Enjoy!

You did not struggle to get pregnant, after all the worrying Jisung did for you, it turned out to be a simple task. As simple as simply having unprotected sex a few times. Jisung had been incredibly overprotective from the moment you came home with the lab results. You were supposed to wait until your doctor’s appointment, but the two of you just had to take a little look at the papers in the envelope.

There was one single line that indicated “pregnancy” and after the long line of dots the next word would either be “negative” or “positive”, in black bold ink your result was “positive”. Han was worried sick, those first few months he would lose sleep over your aches and symptoms.

You went through nothing special, but to Han it was all his fault. He would sometimes let his anxiety take the wheel. Fortunately, there was a big tour to get through while their baby grew healthy in your belly. You did not stop working until your stomach was so big you could not sit comfortably at your desk, by which point you were almost at full term.

You were excited to tag along with Han and some of the boys on a short weekend to Busan, I.N was excited to have everyone with him in his hometown as his girlfriend tagged along too for the first time. You did not think much about it, packing and leaving thinking how you were programmed for a c-section in three weeks time.

Of course, things never go quite as planned. You were taking a walk down the cold streets of Busan with Felix and his girlfriend while Han got bullied by Seungmin ahead of you when you felt something cool and wet on your leg. You stopped with a frown and looked down, the couple besides you took notice and Felix!Reader passed her little girl to Felix as she turned to you and asked if you needed to use the bathroom. You shook your head and then tried to look down, asking her why she was asking.

“Y/N… there’s a poodle… are you okay? Did your water break?!”

And that was the moment the penny dropped, right as I.N and his girlfriend reached you, you touched your stomach and nodded.

There was a little bit of chaos after that. From the youngest in the group figuring out where the nearest hospital was in order to take you, to Han frantically trying to reach your obgyn on the phone. You were happy to at least have the girls with you, Innie’s girlfriend was a nurse and knew a thing or two, she helped quite a bit keeping you comfortable while Felix!Reader tried to remember all the breathing exercises from when she gave birth. Felix and Seungmin entertained themselves by keeping Felix’s girls occupied.

You were not expecting all the planning you had spent months working on, to be useless.

You ended up giving birth naturally in a hospital in Busan while on a weekend getaway. Han was beyond anxious at the prospect of something going wrong because you did not know the doctors here. He had to trust everything would be okay and in the end it was. Han held your hand the entire time, speaking words of encouragement and kissing your sweaty forehead whenever you looked too tired to go on. He kept his nerves to himself the best you had ever seen him do, sitting strong next to you, being the support you needed and more. At around 9:00 p.m. you had a beautiful baby girl. Born only a few days before Christmas, your baby was small and healthy, crying loudly the second she came out. You cried along with Han, his eyes comically wide as the doctor announced it was a girl. Both of you were expecting a boy, but it was in the air as your baby just did not cooperate during scans.

“It’s a girl!” He kissed the back of your hand, “we have a girl!”

You laughed with your eyes closed and your head lying against the pillow, too tired to react any other way. “Is she okay?”

Han was able to cut the umbilical cord and took a glance at his daughter in the safe hands of one of the nurses.

“Babe,” he brushed your hair back, “you did great, our baby is perfect.”

While the doctor and nurses got your baby clean one of the nurses asked if you had decided on a name for her, so they could put it on the bracelets. You looked up at Han, both of you lost for words, you had decided on a boy name. It felt like suddenly all the planning really was for nothing. Having to do a complete 180, you offered your husband a smile.

“My nana’s name was Hae-rin. I feel it might suit her.”

Han’s eyes scan your face as he remembers your Nana, who passed a few months prior. She was a funny woman, it certainly felt empty going to your parent’s house after her passing. She was a bright lively woman, she could never stay still. Han could see what you meant. He nodded.

“Haerin,” he kissed your knuckles. “That’s her name”.

The nurse nodded and carefully wrote the name on the two bracelets, placing one around your wrist and then wrapping the other one around your babygirl’s tiny wrist too. After that, you were able to hold her. An exhausted smile on your face as you were handed the most delicate little thing in the world. You watched Han standing next to you, his hand coming to cup your daughter’s head as you held her into your chest. The two of you cried happily, finally meeting the little girl you spent the last year waiting for.

Haerin was a beautiful little girl, she met her first two friends the following morning when the guys came to see her. Felix’s girls both entranced as they watched the baby sleep. You giggled as the girls ooh’ed at her in your arms. Felix!Reader held her eldest as she pointed out Haerin’s cute little nose, Felix kept his youngest’s hands at bay as she tried to touch the newborn baby girl.

You were able to take her home a couple days later, Han had to stay at a hotel while the rest of the boys went back to Seoul to work. You spent that first week in the hotel in Busan, making the most of the surprise arrival of your little one. She was an angel, she cried little, although whenever she did it was loud. You and Han spent almost two hours in the bathroom with her the first time you gave her a bath. First struggle was getting her out of her onesie as she felt so fragile and delicate. The second struggle was being able to support Haerin’s head while bathing her. Han helped hold her, his hands seemed so big then that you two giggled at the sight. He was happy to pick her up out of the bathtub and wrap her in a soft towel, drenching the front of his shirt in the process.

Luckily, you were back in Seoul after that one week. Entering your home again, this time as a family of three. Han grunted as he spotted your “birth bag” on the entryway.

“We could have used that last week…” He pointed out as you entered behind him with Haerin in her brand new baby carrier.

“I even got special pj’s for the hospital, socks, flip flops and a little blanket for her!” You pause, chuckling “well, it was blue, I thought we were having a boy!”

Han laughs, now looking at you with furrowed brows but a smile on his face. “Her entire room is for a boy…”

You cover your face with your hand and smile, you walk into the home with your sleeping baby. “I hope she likes blue and bears…”

You bring her into her room, setting the baby carrier down and pulling her out of it carefully. Han watches you as you pull her into your chest. He sighs, looking at the pastel pink bundle in your arms. The nursery was all baby blue and grey. Her crib was adorned with a white blanket and a couple of teddy bears, a single HanQuokka in the corner.

“It’s okay, we can redo the room when she is a little bigger,” you said, knowing well that having your baby born so close to christmas was going to mean the two of you were going to be busy.

Han was a top notch dad from day one, arriving home he was nothing less than a sweetheart to both you and your baby. He woke up in the middle of the night to change her diapers, helping you feed her and calm her down when she simply couldn’t sleep. He went to work but kept checking on you two; sending you messages or calling to ask if everything was okay. You could confidently say that Han was a wonderful dad.

He also made an effort to talk to you, to ask about how you felt and open up about his worries. Whether he had work things or personal things in his mind, he told you about them at night when you got ready for bed, and he held you close whenever you needed a little cheering up.

The one thing that you found the hardest about having a baby was the sudden rush of hormones that seemed to assault you that first month after giving birth. You loved your baby so much, you missed having her be a part of you… she felt so foreign in your arms, you felt like it was not right and you struggled with the anxiety of being unable to change it. Han helped you, listened and supported you; making sure you knew it was okay and it would be okay. He held her every chance he got, going as far as sitting quietly in the living room just holding her to spend time with her. And seeing this helped soothe your nerves a lot, it made your brain reason how important it was she was her own person.

On Christmas you had Han’s parents visit, they met her and filled her with gifts and love. You saw the excitement in his mother’s face when she got to hold her for the first time. Haerin was already growing so much in just two weeks… Considering she was born a little early, she was doing fine. Growing and growing, eating well and beginning to take in her surroundings, showing how comfortable she was in Han’s and your own arms, quickly becoming picky about who got to hold her, she absolutely hated being in Han’s dad’s arms, and at best she tolerated his mom’s.

“Oh, she just likes to be in her dad’s arms,” his mother commented once Haerin started crying and Han picked her up, holding her in his arms and calming her down.

“Mom…” he tilted his head, “she probably just needs to get comfortable with you.”

“No, no… babies know their parents,” his mother waved him off, “it’s natural. It’s okay, Jisung.”

“Don’t let him fool you,” you told your in-laws. “He spends most of his free time with her, he has basically turned himself into her bed.”

Han smiles sheepishly and his ears burn pink. “Well, she’s my baby! Of course I’ll hold her all I can!” He cradles her head softly, “she’s so small too… my baby girl…”

You could tell that with a dad like Han, your little Haerin would be loved and cared for, she was going to live a good life being spoiled by her parents. She was going to be a daddy’s girl for sure as Han was already wrapped around her little finger.

———

Comments, likes and reblogs are appreciated! Thank you for reading!

#stray kids x reader #han jisung fanfic #han jisung x reader #han jisung fluff #han jisung x female reader #han jisung x y/n #han jisung x you #hyunjinsjeans writing

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wuaxoi · 14 hours

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color of love

synopsis! red velvet members as love tropes

OT5! red velvet x FEM! reader GENRE! fluff, headcanons ig TW! none ig ( tell me if im wrong ) NOW IS PLAYING! . . . color of love by red velvet

⟢ bae joohyun ᧔o᧓ 배주현

joohyun is more comfortable around people she knows well and trust, so i think friends to lovers is perfect for her. it’s important to have same interests and understanding between her and her girlfriend. she’ll probably cook for you every morning or make you a smoothie, gonna light up some vanilla candles and comfort you at night. joohyun is always ready to help or listen to everything you have to say, ready to give an advice. she’ll give you her clothes if you want. her love language is probably a quality time, so she’ll spend as much time with you as she can. joohyun’s favorite type of dates are probably home date’s or picnics in the area where you won’t be bothered by many people.

⟢ kang seulgi ᧔o᧓ 강슬기

seulgi loves travelling with her family and especially with her cousin soojin, so i’d say she’ll be perfect for bff’s sister trope. she would prefer to be in a relationship with someone who has great relationships with family and respects her family as well. seulgi is very creative and interested in art, so she would prefer her girlfriend to at least like something connected w art, she would absolutely love museum or art gallery dates. she would definitely go on a zoo date with you to see pandas together because we all know how much she adores them.

⟢ wendy son ᧔o᧓ 웬디손

wendy has a lot of talents and interests and i think she would fell for someone who has same interests as hers ( mostly ), so soulmates. she’ll probably catch your sense of humour first because that’s important for her. she loves singing together even if you can’t sing, she loves cooking and dancing to a quiet music playing at the back, that’s just so romantic for her. she would love to go to canada with you on a vacation just to visit places she liked when she was a teenager and show you her old high school. she would never adopt a pet or even buy herself a plant because she’ll definitely forget to feed it or something, but she’ll be happy to do that together w you.

⟢ park sooyoung ᧔o᧓ 박수영

sooyoung suits her stage name so well, just by looking at her you can feel happiness and love, so first love is definitely her trope. even when she was a little girl she was always so open and kind to people, she’ll always smile no matter what and she will protect people she loves. words of affirmation and caring are so important for her, even though she’ll give you twice more attention and care than you would. everyone knows that sooyoung adores dogs and she would definitely take you out on a date in a dog cafe. sooyoung loves kids, so she’ll probably wanted to create her own family with you in future and starts thinking about that after the first date, she’ll just get so excited :((

⟢ kim yerim ᧔o᧓ 김예림

yerim is very friendly, outgoing and yk extroverted introvert, so girl next door – there she is. she’s that girl who’s never alone at her house, her friends are always at her place when she’s not out with them. yeah, she loves spending time alone ( or with you ) but mostly with you lol. she would fell for someone who has the same state of mind (?) as her, same opinions and probably similar personality. a friendly girl with good sense of style probably would catch her eye. yerim sometimes overthinking a lot, so she’ll need your support and love, she would love to hear kind words from you. she would love shopping together and ohhh movie dates are her favorites!

#୨ৎ ⋅ 妮卡's work #red velvet x reader #red velvet #wlw #love tropes #irene x reader #seulgi x reader #wendy x reader #joy x reader #yeri x reader #kpop headcanons #kpop fluff #kpop gg

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thewritingwolfie · 17 hours

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trusting - harvey sdv fic

pairing: Harvey x Farmer OC (September)

warnings: mentions of sex (!!MDNI!!), self-doubt & anxious thinking patterns (from Harvey), hurt comfort if there was more comfort than hurt

summary: after a night of role-switching, September can't convince Harvey to let her take care of him

word count: 1.2k

a/n: LMAO AM I FORMATTING THIS RIGHT. first time I'm ever posting a fic on like. almost anything (except i did a couple things on ao3 a bit ago but that's different). hopefully this is super cool and not cringe gang <33

~~~ Harvey wouldn’t hear anything of it.

He was standing in his apartment, nearly naked, flummoxed, and staring at a very exasperated September. She’d come to see him for the evening, but after-hours alone at the clinic usually meant things led from one thing to another. Well, most of the time, Harvey prided himself on the aftercare aspect of things after knocking her socks off. But tonight, he had not only taken on a more… submissive role, but now she was insisting she take on that caretaker role.

“No, no, September. Sit down. I can get us our usual snacks,” he said, holding up a hand to silence her protests. It was his job, in and out of this relationship, to take care of her.

September groaned, running her hands through her hair. “Harvey, love of my life, apple of my eye, I swear to Yoba.”

“What? This is what we do every time.” He went to take a step forward, having to pace himself from his wobbly legs. September hadn’t exactly spared him. “We get, ah, intimate, we wind down, and I take care of you. I don’t really understand what your problem is.”

“My problem, love, is that our dynamic was different tonight. You wobbled as you stepped, don’t think I didn’t see it,” September replied, cocking an eyebrow at his legs.

Shit. She was always an observant type. Harvey adjusted his glasses, face dusted with pink. “Well, yes, I suppose, but-”

“No buts.” She gently stepped up to him, pushing his shoulders so he fell back onto the couch in his living room. “I’ll make some snacks. Rest up.”

“September-!” he gasped, making a move to sit up. But his body, wracked with aftershocks and exhaustion, let out a protest stronger than his will. He grumbled, crossing his arms. Why was she being so insistent?

He watched her in his tiny kitchen, pulling together some snacks on a plate. She looked so calm, so intent on doing this. Some pang of emotion shot through Harvey’s chest as he watched her move, only in her undergarments, bringing over glasses and wine and food. She was pushing herself too hard, wasn’t she? He had to step in, he had to be the chivalrous doctor everyone knew him to be-

His flurry of thoughts was interrupted by the feeling of the farmer’s body bumping his as she sat down. “Here, I got those little pickles you like so much. You should eat, you’ll feel better.”

Harvey stared at the plate. He… didn’t have an appetite. “Why?”

“Hm?” September cocked her head.

“Why are you… doing this? I mean- it’s my job. I’m a doctor, I take care of you, right?” he spoke slowly, his hands rubbing the edge of the couch nervously. “You work so hard, doing your farmwork all day, not to mention the mines, a-and running errands for the town… this is the least I can do, isn’t it?”

September watched him speak, watching his face twitch with despair as he spoke. His voice began to crack. She’d never seen him so… vulnerable. Harvey almost burned with shame. Why wasn’t she responding?

“Oh, Harv,” she whispered, reaching over to cup his cheek. “You do so much for me. I never expect you to just- to just throw yourself into caretaker mode after we mess around, dear. You deserve that same care you give to me, silly!” She laughed softly, kissing his cheek, speaking so casually as if it was information he’d know all along.

Harvey felt a soft choke of tears. How was this so easy for her to say? He couldn’t afford to let himself relax as a doctor. He never had. “September-”

She shook her head. “Hold on.” September wrapped around him, pulling him onto her chest as she laid back on the arm of the couch. “Okay, talk.”

Had he ever been held like this? Harvey opened his mouth to speak, but all he could manage was a soft whimper. The whimper gave way to the dam in his throat and behind his eyes, which gave way to a soft, strangled sob.

September startled, pulling him tight. “Oh- love, what’s wrong?” she asked softly, tangling a hand in his soft hair. “Hey, shh, shh, I’m here. Did something go wrong during our-?”

“No," he whispered softly, weakly pulling his glasses off of his face to wipe at his eyes. In front of her? He felt even more awful. “No, no, everything was- was nice, I just-"

He let out a shaky sigh as she curled her fingers at the base of his neck, massaging it with gentle care. She hummed softly, feeling his body shake from trying to hold in his tears. “Not used to this?" she whispered, a sympathetic smile on her lips.

“I'm supposed to take care of you," he whined, hugging her waist. “Why can't I-?"

“Because you're exhausted, Harvey. You have done so much for others today. How many checkups have you done?” she asked, not giving him a breath to answer. They both knew. "How many records have you filed?” Too many.

Harvey buried his head in her skin, considering her. She was too soft and too comfortable to fight anymore, so he gave in. But still, mentally, he couldn't relax. “September-"

“Harvey, can you listen to me for a second?"

He couldn't say no, so he just nodded.

She sat up, gently propping them both against the couch in a half-up half-down position. He laid on her chest and her arms encircled him. "Okay. Look. You're a doctor. How important is after are for a patient after a medical experience such as a surgery?"

“Vital," Harvey responded, barely thinking. It was like he was back in med school for a mere blink of an eye.

“Exactly. And if a patient has a panic attack, how important is aftercare?"

“Still vital."

“Uh huh. So tell me why this is different,” September said, kissing the crown of his head.

Here he fell silent. He felt September smile against his skin.

“Exactly. Harvey, you are a human as much as anyone else. No one could ever ask you to be on target 24/7. If you didn't sleep at night you'd crash and burn for sure.” She tilted his head up so his eyes met hers, smiling brighter to make sure he could see it through the fuzz of tears and the lack of glasses. “I love you. I feel no weird begrudging obligation. I will always be there to catch you when you fall. And I need you to trust that I will tell you when I can't. Can I trust you to trust me?”

His eyes flicked between the blobs that he was sure were her own. Could he trust her? With his life. So why was this so hard to swallow? Was it even safe? Was he safe?

Harvey took a slow breath. Of course he was.

"Okay,” he croaked, voice a little weak from the night. "I can.”

"Good,” September mumbled, kissing him briefly. "We can trust each other.”

Harvey hummed, sleep threatening to overtake him. He hugged September closer, burying into her skin, making her giggle against him. Maybe he couldn't be entirely sure. But even a small chance of success was worth going for, wasn't it?

Finally, fading into the soft, welcoming arms of sleep, Harvey let go for the first time.

#sdv fic #harvey sdv #harvey x farmer #harvey x oc #sdv harvey #stardew harvey #sdv fanfic #stardew valley #sdv bachelors #first fic #fanfic #sdv #thewritingwolfie writes

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slaymitchabernathy · 1 day

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The Nanny

“Looks like you survived the first day.”

Soarynn can only nod and blink while she follows Eudora through more hallways of the Mansion. She had gone straight to bed last night after she got home, too tired to do anything else.

But this morning she made sure to wake up with enough time to shower, style her hair and prepare for another long day of running after the children. She had thought of maybe taking them to the zoo, but she supposed it was up to their father at the end of the day.

As Eudora had mentioned, the children didn’t do as much as they used to after their mother died. He probably didn’t want to risk losing them in some freak accident and Soarynn certainly didn’t want to be the cause of something like that.

“Now breakfast is very important,” Eudora tells her, “this is the only time that the children get to see their father so it’s imperative that you and I say nothing unless spoken to. We’ll go over our schedules for the day, but other than that, zip it.” She turns to Soarynn and mimics throwing away an imaginary key and Soarynn presses her lips into a thin line, earning her a smile from Eudora, “Good! Coriolanus usually arrives a few minutes after the children so they can get started on breakfast early.”

Soarynn follows her down a few more hallways until she can hear the familiar giggles of the children. “I could’ve woken them up,” she mumbles, feeling bad that someone—most likely Eudora—had to do it.

Eudora waves her off, “You can wake them up for the rest of your employment dear, don’t you worry.”

They walk into a beautifully decorated dining room, with floor to ceiling windows and mahogany finishings. It’s one of the most beautiful and expensive rooms Soarynn has ever been in so it makes sense for this to be the room the Snows only eat breakfast in.

Why have every meal in the same room when you have twenty more?

All three children are seated at the table but they’re running the second they see her and Eudora.

“Soarynn! Soarynn you came back!” Ceraphina shrieks, throwing her arms around Soarynn’s legs.

Soarynn chuckles and runs a loving hand through Ceraphina’s hair, looking down into her blue-gray eyes, “I promised I’d stick around didn’t I?”

Celeste comes up behind her sister, simply taking Soarynn’s hand instead, “Well people lie,” she tells her matter of factly.

She’s got a point.

“Daddy says to never lie,” Ceraphina continues, “lying is bad and it breaks trust because Daddy says so.” Celeste nods in agreement, “Mhm. No lying allowed.”

These girls seem to cling to every word their father says, so she’ll have to watch what she says as well. “Lying can be very hurtful,” Soarynn agrees, trying to steer the conversation in any other direction, “now why don’t we eat this delicious breakfast?”

She’s met with zero complaints and they all make their way over to the table where Caspian is watching them with sleepy eyes, Lenny nearly falling from his grasp. Soarynn chuckles, readjusting Lenny so that he doesn’t take a tumble onto the floor, “Good morning Caspian. Did you sleep well?”

Caspian mumbles something she can’t quite understand but he reaches out for her and Soarynn gladly pulls him into her lap.

Breakfast today is an assortment of pastries, eggs cooked in every possible way, fruits, and juices. The girls seem to only be eating the pastries, the croissants, and doughnuts whereas Eudora and Soarynn help themselves to some eggs and fruits.

“Is Daddy going to be home tonight for dinner?” Ceraphina asks, a few crumbs falling from her mouth as she finishes her croissant. Eudora shakes her head, reaching out to dab the corners of Ceraphina’s mouth with a napkin, “Don’t talk with food in your mouth dear. And no, your father has a very important meeting tonight. Soarynn will eat dinner with you.”

Soarynn offers Ceraphina a smile but she’s met with a pout, “Daddy never has dinner with us anymore,” she grumbles.

Before Soarynn or Eudora can say anything to prove that statement to be incorrect, a stern, authoritative voice fills the room. “What’s this about me not eating dinner with my girls?”

Both Ceraphina and Celeste gasp, turning to look over their chairs at their father making his way into the room. He looks very handsome today, wearing a charcoal gray suit with his curls slicked back. He looks like he just happened to stop by for breakfast. Soarynn wonders if this is a part of his schedule.

6:00 A.M. - Wake Up

8:00 A.M. - Breakfast with the children

8:45 A.M. - Start running the country

Soarynn wouldn’t be surprised if he had to schedule every little interaction just to stay on top of things.

Both girls are out of their seats again, running over to their father who bends down on one knee to be at eye level with them. Soarynn looks down at Caspian to see if he also wants to go greet his father, but he seems quite content in her lap, mindlessly chewing on a croissant.

"Daddy, can we please have dinner with you tonight? Please, please, please, we'll be so well-behaved," Ceraphina promises, getting Celeste to nod along with her, "Yes, we'll be so quiet," Celeste adds.

President Snow gives his girls a small smile, reaching out to brush some of Ceraphina's hair out from her face, "I'm afraid not my darlings, this dinner is strictly business. You know the rules."

The girls must not be big fans of these rules because they both slouch, and Soarynn can see Celeste is on the verge of tears which he's quick to interfere with, "No need for tears Celeste," he tells her, his thumb wiping away at her eyes, "we still get to have breakfast together, don't we?"

Celeste shoves his hand away, stomping her little foot for good measure, "But you always had dinner with us! When Mommy was alive, you always had din-"

"Mommy isn't here anymore," he cuts her off, his voice more stern than it was before as he takes her small hands into his big ones, "but if she were here, what would she say? What would she want you to do for her?"

Ceraphina perks up, raising her hand as if she's in class, "Oh I know! I know Daddy!" President Snow nods, his focus still on his youngest daughter, "I know you do sweetheart, and so does your sister, right?" He uses one hand to give her a gentle squeeze, making Celeste crack a small smile, "She'd want me to be on my best behavior," she says slowly, rocking back and forth on her heels, "...and to listen to you."

"Mhm. And I know you can do that for me, darling."

It's a sweet sight to watch the President of Panem get down on one knee to talk to his daughters, to watch him wipe their tears and give them a hug. Soarynn had wondered how involved he really was with his children's lives, but it seems that he knows them well enough to know what to say when things went south.

With no more tears threatening breakfast, the girls make their way back to the table, hand in hand with their father. Eudora doesn't even look up from the binder she brought, flipping through several pages of what Soarynn can only guess is his schedule.

Soarynn expects President Snow to take his seat but he walks around to her side which would make her nervous if it weren't for his youngest child sitting in her lap. She hopes that's alright, that Caspian won't get in trouble for sitting in her lap instead of his own chair. He's just so small and sweet, it's hard to say no to him.

President Snow doesn't even acknowledge her when he comes to a stop next to her, the scent of roses overwhelming her while he places a loving hand on Caspian's head, "Good morning Caspian."

Soarynn swallows at how deep President Snow's voice sounds in the morning. Caspian looks up at his father, piercing blue eyes meeting piercing blue eyes, "Lenny."

"Yes, I see you brought Lenny to breakfast...again. Imagine my surprise."

Caspian looks back down at his food, "Lenny," he mumbles, pulling at his croissant some more.

Soarynn keeps her head down, watching from her peripheral vision to see when President Snow finally sits down. He's seated between the girls which is probably for the best, both girls can get equal amounts of attention this way.

"Girls, you need to eat some eggs," he tells them, reaching for some fruits for himself. Ceraphina groans, slumping in her chair, "Eggs are gross." This earns her a sharp look from her father, "I'm sure people in the Districts would love eggs," he counters, grabbing the dish of scrambled eggs, "and eggs will help you grow to be proper ladies."

Ceraphina looks across the table at Soarynn, her eyes narrowing, "Do you eat eggs Soarynn?"

All eyes are on her now and Soarynn nervously brushes some of her hair out from her face, "I do," she answers, "a balanced meal is necessary to stay healthy." That wasn't the answer Ceraphina was looking for.

President Snow grunts and places some scrambled eggs on both girl's plates, "See? Now eat your eggs please."

There are worse things to eat but the girls don't push back any further, slowly but surely eating their eggs, even if they make very dramatic faces while doing so. President Snow shakes his head and looks over at Eudora, "What's my day looking like Eudora."

Soarynn wonders how Eudora got this job, was she some event coordinator prior to landing this job? Or do all the Trinkets plan out the President's day?

"You have a meeting right after breakfast, then you have an interview with the Gazette, and after that, you have a phone call with the Mayors from Two, Four, and Six. Then after that..."

Soarynn tunes out the rest of the schedule, focusing on keeping most of Caspian's breakfast on his plate and not on the floor, "Soarynn, what're we doing today?" Celeste's question makes her a bit nervous, she had thought about the zoo, but another day in the house doesn't sound too bad now that her boss is sitting across from her.

Soarynn swallows, "I thought...I thought we might go to the zoo," she says softly, "but it might be too busy today."

The girls don't even listen to the last part, they're already gasping and squealing and grabbing their father by the arm, "Daddy! Daddy, can we go to the zoo with Soarynn? Please can we go?"

President Snow's piercing gaze finally lands on Soarynn and he looks nothing like the man she encountered last night. No, he looks like the man who asked about her dead father and then warned her to not act like the children's mother.

Soarynn feels so very small in her chair.

"I want to see the tigers," Celeste says, tugging on his sleeve, "and the birds, and the monkeys."

President Snow sighs, rubbing his temples, "It'll be hot today," he says, more to Soarynn than to his children, "but I suppose a trip to the zoo would be nice."

Soarynn lets out a small sigh of relief while the girls celebrate, cheering and promising to eat all of their eggs. President Snow says a few things to Eudora about extra security measures and clearing out the entire zoo before he starts asking the girls about what they did yesterday.

Soarynn heeds Eudora's words, staying out of the conversation and simply helping when needed. Caspian gets fussy after a while, wanting to be held by his father which is an adorable sight. He really is a miniature version of his father.

"Momma," Caspian says, looking up at his father expectantly.

President Snow shakes his head, a small smile on his lips while he fixes Caspian's bedhead, "She's not here anymore Cas. No more Momma."

Soarynn feels her heart breaking a little bit more for these children who so desperately miss their mother.

"Mommy's in the ground, remember Cas?" Ceraphina reminds him, poking at what remains of her breakfast, "Daddy says we can go put flowers on her grave soon."

Soarynn looks over at Eudora who's wearing a sad expression, perhaps she was close to Livia before she passed.

"Yes," their father finally says, "we can go put flowers on Mommy's grave soon."

꧁ ꧂

Soarynn never knew that a single child could possess so many clothes.

She spins around in Ceraphina's closet, in absolute awe at how many dresses she has. A normal four-year-old would have a normal amount of clothes, but Ceraphina Snow is not a normal child.

"Ceraphina darling, what do you want to wear today?" Soarynn calls, wondering if Ceraphina can ever hear her from all the way inside her closet. After breakfast Soarynn and the children made their way upstairs to get them properly dressed for their outing to the zoo.

She had left all three children in Ceraphina's bedroom, figuring it would be easier to dress them individually but they might want to pick out their own clothes. But she hears small footsteps a second later and looks down to find Ceraphina staring up at her, a smile on her cute face, "You called?"

Soarynn nods, "I did. What do you want to wear today? It will be hot like your father said." Ceraphina hums, spinning around her massive closet, her fingertips grazing several dresses until she stops on a pink dress, "This one! Except, you have to tie the bow in the back," she explains.

Soarynn pulls it off the rack to find that there is a small box that ties in the back, making it a very cute dress. "It's perfect," she tells the child, "and we can put a bow in your hair too."

Ceraphina gasps, not even thinking about her hair until now, "Will you braid my hair again? And Celeste's too?" Soarynn smiles and nods, it's so sweet how the girls always make sure to include one another.

Soarynn helps Ceraphina get dressed, making sure to tie the perfect bow, which earns her an excited squeal from Ceraphina, "Oh, it's so pretty!"

Soarynn wonders what the children's routine was with their last nanny. Did she let them pick out their clothes? Did she take them to the zoo?

But she doesn't think about it any longer, not when she's got to get Caspian and Celeste ready as well, "You look very fancy," Soarynn tells her, "like a true proper Capitol lady."

Her words must mean more than she thought to Ceraphina who's practically beaming, "Thank you!"

Soarynn hums, leading them back into the bathroom which is as massive as the closet. Soarynn sits Ceraphina up on the counter, and grabs a hairbrush, "You want me to braid it again?"

"Yes please."

Easy enough. Soarynn grew up braiding everyone's hair, it was the thing for girls to do. She and her friends would practice different styles on one another, all thinking about a future where they could have the chance to style their daughter's hair.

Ceraphina isn't her daughter though.

And she'd do well to remember that.

꧁ ꧂

Soarynn feels a little bit nervous stepping out with all three Snow children.

Getting them out of the house hadn't been too difficult, she thought their father might come say goodbye but he was nowhere to be seen after breakfast. The car ride was short which she was grateful for since both girls wanted to do everything but sit down and sit still.

At least Caspian sat still.

The August heat beats down on the small group as they make their way towards the zoo's entrance. Soarynn can't remember the last time she went to the zoo, she was probably around Ceraphina's age. As she got older, animals were replaced by catalogs and lipsticks.

Taking care of children means reliving the best parts of her childhood, the parts she got to spend with her father.

They're escorted by a group of Peacekeepers, clearing out the entire area for them. Soarynn barely sees anyone else at the zoo now that she thinks about it. Did President Snow close it down for them? She wouldn't put it past him.

"Look at the flamingos!" Soarynn watches the girls run over to the first enclosure, a small lake with beautiful pink birds wading in the water. Caspian is taking small, slow steps alongside her, looking around the zoo, "Lenny," he says, a small pout on his face.

Soarynn sighs, "I'm sorry darling, but Lenny might get lost if we bring him here. He's safe and sound back in your room."

Caspian shakes his head, "Lenny."

Soarynn had decided against bringing his precious stuffed animal to the zoo for the main purpose of keeping him safe. She didn't need him to fall into the wrong enclosure and go missing.

They finally reach the flamingos and she picks him up so that he can see better, "Look at the flamingos Cas," Ceraphina says, standing on her tiptoes, "they're so pink!"

Celeste tilts her head while watching the birds, "Why are they pink Soarynn? Did someone dye their feathers?"

Soarynn chuckles and shakes her head, what a sweet way to think of the flamingos, "No darling. I think it's what they eat that makes them pink." Celeste's eyes widen and she watches one of the birds flap its wings, "If I eat pink food will I turn pink?"

"You might feel sick, but you won't turn pink," Soarynn tells her, "why don't we go look at the monkeys?"

꧁ ꧂

They spend a good chunk of their afternoon running around the zoo.

Besides the workers, Soarynn doesn't see a single patron which further confirms that President Snow has seen to it that no one will disturb his children today.

The children loved watching the monkeys, especially since they're so similar to humans. Caspian was elated to see an actual lion, even if this one was sleeping the entire time they watched him. Caspian kept roaring at the lion, hoping to get a response. It did get the girls to giggle, Soarynn didn't know he could be so loud but anyone nearby could hear him.

Then they moved onto the aviary where they were all given sticks with birdseed stuck to them. If they stood still enough, a bird might land on the stick. The girls moved around far too much for a bird to even consider landing on their sticks, but Caspian actually managed to get one bird's attention.

Everyone gasped when the small wren landed on his stick, pecking at the birdseed. "That's a bird Caspian," Soarynn had whispered, watching Caspian's face of delight while the bird continued to peck at the seeds. "Bird," Caspian had repeated, eyes wide with amazement.

As the day dwindled down, they found themselves in the zoo's gift shop, which must be new because Soarynn knew for certain that it wasn't around when she was a little girl.

"Can we please get a stuffed animal?" Ceraphina asks, tugging on the dress Soarynn chose to wear today, giving her pleading eyes, "Just one stuffed animal, please?"

Soarynn wants to remind her that they've got an entire collection waiting at home, but she can see Celeste eyeing a stuffed bear already like she owns it. Whoever designed the gift shop to be right next to the exit must hate parents because this is a recipe for disaster.

Soarynn cards her fingers through her hair, "I don't think so darling. We'd have to pay for the stuffed ani-"

"It's free of charge," a worker interjects, flashing them a Capitol smile, "President Snow insists. Pick whatever you like."

Well, that's the greenlight Soarynn didn't need because the children go nuts, grabbing everything in sight. They won't be able to fit into the car at this rate. "Girls," Soarynn says sternly, "you each can pick out one stuffed animal, alright?"

Cerapina huffs, putting her hands on her hips, "Well Daddy said th-"

"Well, I am saying that you can only choose one," Soarynn cuts her off, "it's not fair to the other children who visit the zoo if you take everything. We have to think of others and share."

They're at a standstill, Caspian and Celeste watching as Ceraphina and Soarynn battle it out. But Soarynn is a grown-up, and she's not backing down.

"Or you don't have to pick anything," she says sweetly, "we can just go home if you'd like."

Celeste gasps and grabs her sister's hand, "If you want to leave with nothing you can. But I am leaving with a stuffed animal." Her little sister's words seem to knock some sense into Ceraphina who slowly nods, "Okay, one stuffed animal," she agrees, running off with Celeste to grab something.

Soarynn lets out a sigh of relief. She doesn't want to come off as strict or mean, but she has to earn the children's respect and that means not backing down on certain things such as how many stuffed animals are too many.

"What do you want to get Caspian?" She asks, bouncing him on her hip. She tried to let him down several times today but he's clung onto her every time, wanting to be carried. Who is she to deny him?

Caspian points at a display of different bird stuffed animals, "Bird."

Soarynn smiles, "Excellent choice."

꧁ ꧂

"Hold my hand while we walk to the car please," Soarynn says, reaching out for Celeste's hand. Coming into the zoo, the streets were empty, but a crowd has grown since they went in and it's making Soarynn nervous. She knows they're safe, protected by Peacekeepers but she's still nervous.

Celeste gives her a curious look but obliges to her request, taking her large hand into her smaller one, offering her other hand to Ceraphina, "We've got to stick together," she tells her sister. Ceraphina nods, her blue-gray eyes scanning the crowd, "Snows stick together."

Soarynn guides them towards the car, doing her best to ignore all the shouts that are thrown her way. None of them are mean, everyone seems to be excited to see the President's children out and about after so long. Many people call out the girl's names, a few even waving. Soarynn spots a familiar face, Lucky Flickerman with his camera crew, commentating on the entire spectacle this has become.

Soarynn swallows and tugs the girls along quicker, desperate to get inside the car, "Come on, time to go home," she urges, helping them climb into the back of the car. Soaynn slides in last with Caspian still in her hold, slamming the door shut and letting out a breath of relief when the car immediately starts moving.

"Were you scared?"

Soarynn looks over at Celeste who's playing with her new stuffed bear, the same one she was eyeing earlier, "I was," she admits, "I'm not used to that many people watching me."

Celeste gives her a smile, kicking her feet as they dangle off the car seat, "Don't be scared, Daddy always protects us."

Ceraphina hums in agreement, playing with the stuffed horse she picked out, "People always take pictures of us. Daddy says it's because we're very important."

"You are very important," Soarynn agrees, knowing that sentiment doesn't apply to her as well. She's just a nanny.

Just a nanny.

꧁ ꧂

The Mansion is quiet when they return although Soarynn doubts that it's ever truly busy. The girls run ahead to the dining room where lunch is waiting for them, giggling and playing with their new stuffed animals along the way.

"Lenny," Caspian mumbles, burying his face in the crook of Soarynn's neck. He should probably be put down for a nap. "Alright," she decides, "we'll go upstairs so you can take a nap with Lenny, how does that sound?" He must be so tired after such a busy day.

Soarynn opts to take the back staircase since it's closer, carefully climbing all the steps. She's almost at the top when she hears the familiar voice of President Snow, looking up to find him and another man climbing down the same steps.

For a moment, she's frozen. Not knowing what to do or how to act.

Caspian thinks for her, perking up when his father comes into view and he holds out his new stuffed animal, "Bird."

Soarynn steps to the side so the men can pass, keeping her head down when they pass. "Bird," Caspian repeats when his father passes by, earning him a small nod before he continues down the stairs. Soarynn smooths Caspian's hair down, both of them watching his father disappear down the stairway, "Let's get you in bed mister," she whispers, climbing the last few steps.

She can't shake that feeling while she tucks Caspian into his crib after changing him into some pajamas. President Snow hadn't even really looked at her and yet she felt frozen, in trouble, nervous.

Will she always feel this way around her employer?

꧁ ꧂

The zoo mixed with the August heat took a toll on the Snow children today. Both girls are slumped over on a sofa while Soarynn and Caspian sit on an armchair, the television playing softly in front of them.

They're in that strange period between lunch and dinner where taking a nap sounds like the best idea ever. Ceraphina perks up when a cat appears in a commercial for cat food, its brown fur looks so soft. "Do you have any pets?" She asks Soarynn, playing with the hem of her dress. A few stray curls have come loose from her braid throughout the day but Soarynn can always slick them back down if need be.

"I do," Soarynn nods, "a white cat named Petunia."

This is big, exciting news apparently.

Both girls are all over her in seconds, asking all sorts of questions.

"How old is she?"

"Is she nice?"

"Does she smell bad?"

"Does she meow a lot?"

"Can she do tricks?"

Soarynn is blown away by all their questions and motions for them to sit down on the floor so they don't crowd Caspian who nearly got smothered, "Petunia is five years old, she's very sweet, and no, she doesn't smell bad since I give her lots of baths. She has a bit of a loud personality, so she meows on occasion, but she's also a bit of a diva so she doesn't know any tricks."

Soarynn was gifted Petunia by her father for her birthday and she became her most prized possession. She knows Petunia is at home right now, passed out on top of her pillow without a care in the world.

Heaven forbid that cat ever have to fend for herself.

"Daddy won't let us get a cat," Celeste pouts, "or any pet. He says they're too messy." Petunia is a rather clean cat but Soarynn is sure that there are messier animals out there. "I'm sure he has his reasons," Soarynn tells her, doing her best to defend the President when he's not here to do it himself, "and pets are a lot of responsibility."

Lucky Flickerman's television show finally comes back on the screen and Soarynn can't believe her eyes. It's her. Her and the children at the zoo.

"Today we had a rare sighting at the zoo today folks and no, it wasn't an animal that we saw!" Lucky draws some chuckles from the crowd before continuing, "We caught a rare glimpse of the Presidential family out and about, enjoying the zoo on this bright sunny day, accompanied by who must be their new nanny. Looks like she could be their mother!"

Soarynn is mortified.

This is exactly what she gets for trying to do something different. She should've just stayed within the safety of the Mansion's walls but now she's being compared to Livia Snow.

"We're on television! Soarynn look!"

Ceraphina's words wash right over Soarynn, a million thoughts running through her mind, the main one being that she's getting fired tonight, she has no doubt in her mind that President Snow will fire her. She didn't even last a week.

"Let's go to the playroom," Soarynn says, clicking the television off, "I think that's enough television for tonight."

꧁ ꧂

Dinner is quiet.

Well, Soarynn is quiet.

The girls are talking a mile a minute, telling Eudora every single thing they did and saw at the zoo today. Soarynn pushes her food around on the plate, no longer hungry.

"...and then we got new stuffed animals!" Celeste finishes, throwing her hands in the air for dramatic effect. Eudora gives her an impressed nod, "Sounds like you were very busy today. That's good, a busy schedule is a good schedule."

"Is Daddy busy?"

"Yes dear, he's always busy."

"I wish he'd play with us," Ceraphina mumbles, pushing her half-eaten plate away.

Eudora frowns, glancing at Ceraphina and then at Soarynn, "You have Soarynn to keep you company dear. Your father hired her himself so you could always be taken care of."

Soarynn straightens up in her chair. This is no time to glower in her own self-pity. Her main priority is the children so until she goes home tonight, she's got to keep up her cheery persona. "Eudora is right, I'm always here to play."

"But you don't live here," Ceraphina points out, "Macy lived here. Remember Macy?" Celeste nods, taking a bite out of her bread roll, "Mhm. Macy had pretty red hair like Mommy."

Sorynn quirks a brow at Eudora and is met with a look she understands too well, 'I'll explain later'.

"I might not live here, but I'm going to be here from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep," Soarynn assures her. Unless she gets fired tonight.

Celeste perks up, roll long forgotten, "Can you bring your cat?"

Eudora pulls a disturbed face which leads Soarynn to quickly shake her head, "I'm afraid Petunia is quite comfortable at home. She doesn't do well in cars."

Or around other people. Petunia is a one-woman cat.

"Finish up with your dinner if you want dessert," Eudora reminds the children, "then you all can go play before Soarynn helps you with your baths. I have to go over a few things with Soarynn."

The promise of dessert motivates the girls to finish the last few bites of their dinner while Soarynn helps cut Caspian's chicken into smaller bites, "Lenny," he says, placing his small hand on top of her large one. She gives him a small smile, "You can play with Lenny after dinner."

Dessert is a crowd favorite apparently, chocolate-covered strawberries. Soarynn used to beg for these as dessert when she was little so she's happy to see the children also get so excited to eat them.

"Let me wipe your mouth darling," Soarynn says, reaching out for Ceraphina's face. She's got chocolate all around her mouth and that just won't do. Celeste slides out of her chair and runs over to Soarynn, tilting her head up, "Clean my face too!" Soarynn chuckles softly and makes a big show of cleaning her face as well, even though Celeste doesn't have anything around her mouth.

"All clean," she announces.

Caspian is more interested in licking the chocolate off the strawberries rather than eating them whole bit he seems content so she doesn't bother him.

Soarynn watches the girls try to sit in the same chair, determined to sit with one another with a smile on her face. These children are so sweet. She hopes tonight isn't her last night with them.

꧁ ꧂

"Who's Macy?"

Soarynn watches Eudora's face carefully after asking a question she doesn't even really know about, but the girls do if they mention this mystery woman.

Eudora sighs, shaking her head, "Macy was the first nanny we hired after Livia died. She looked nearly identical to Livia because Coriolanus thought it would help the children. All it did was confuse them. And it didn't help that Macy was the complete opposite of Livia, always so kind and cheerful, just like you."

Soarynn frowns, glancing over at the children contentedly playing with dolls and blocks, "Livia wasn't nice?"

"Livia wasn't kind," Eudora corrects her, "anyone can be nice, it takes a special type of person to be genuinely kind and Livia didn't seem to ever possess that quality. She loved her children though, it's a shame she got sick."

"Was she...did they ever love each other?"

Eudora furrows her perfectly groomed eyebrows, "Coriolanus and Livia? No. Not truly that is. I think they loved the idea of each other which seems to be the case for this generation, running before they learn to walk, let alone crawl. They both loved their children though, it brought them together as a united front, and now he's all alone without a clue as to how to raise them."

Soarynn doesn't know much about love. She's never been in love herself. But she can imagine what it feels like, what it looks like. the Snow couple never looked to be truly in love. Maybe Eudora was right, they just loved the idea of each other and then Livia died, leaving him alone.

"Today people saw us at the zoo," Soarynn says slowly, playing with the fabric of her dress, "Lucky Flickerman was there and he said I looked like I could be their mother. And now I'm worried he's going to fire me," the last words tumble out of her mouth like a confession but she's glad to get it off her chest.

She had to tell someone before President Snow got back home tonight.

Eudora looks over at the children who've built some sort of zoo enclosure from the looks of it for their stuffed animals, not a care in the world. "I must admit, you certainly could be Ceraphina's twin, your eyes are identical. But Coriolanus isn't going to fire you over what Lucky Flickerman said, that man just found out you existed today and now he's got all sorts of opinions about you. Let people talk, all you need to do is focus on your job."

Soarynn sighs, nodding along to her words that do a great deal in comforting her, "I just need to keep them happy," she finishes, "nothing else matters."

And nothing does.

꧁ ꧂

Soarynn can not believe how much energy these girls have right before bed.

She put Caspian to sleep first since he was still tuckered out after his nap. He didn't even put up a fight which she was grateful for.

"It's time for bed," she says for the sixth time, picking up toys from the floor, "your father will be very upset if he comes home to find you two still awake."

The girls continue jumping on their bed, not paying her words any mind, "Daddy never gets upset with us," Ceraphina says, bumping into her sister, "and we're not tired." Soarynn places her hands on her hips, giving them a look, "Well I'm tired."

Celeste flops onto the bed, giving Soarynn a curious look, "How old are you?"

Soarynn puts the last of the toys away, closing the trunk, "I'm twenty years old." Sometimes she feels forty with back pain and aching knees. Other times she feels like she's ten years old again, not a clue to what she's doing with her life.

"You're young," Ceraphina says, hopping on one foot, "young enough to marry someone."

Celeste gasps, sitting up so fast that she knocks her sister down in the process, "You could marry Daddy!"

Ceraphina's face morphs from one of annoyance to one of agreement, nodding along to her little sister's plans, "Yes! Yes, you can have a big wedding and live happily ever after!"

Soarynn laughs, gathering her hair into her hands and twisting it into a braid, "Your father is far too busy to get married right now, especially to the nanny of his children," she says, poking at both of them to make them giggle. She succeeds and scoops them both up, swinging them around, "Now what story should I read tonight hmm?"

The girls shriek with excitement as they all spin around, "The jungle one!" Ceraphina cries, "The one with the lion!" Soarynn tosses all three of them back onto the mattress, letting them catch their breath, "Alright, I'll read that one but then it's bedtime alright?"

"Will you do the voices?"

"I'll do the voices."

Once Soarynn finally gets the girls settled and under the covers, she starts reading the story, doing her best animal impressions and there are a lot of animals in this book. But the girls must think she's doing a good job because she receives zero complaints throughout the whole story, not even a whine when she turns off the light.

"Have sweet dreams and I'll see you tomorrow," Soarynn whispers, cupping both of their faces with her hands. Ceraphina leans into her touch, her eyes growing heavy now that it's dark, "Thank you for taking us to the zoo today Soarynn."

Celeste yawns before cuddling up to her big sister, "Yeah, thanks for taking us."

Soarynn smiles fondly down at the girls, watching them fall asleep, "You're very welcome sweet girls," she whispers, quietly padding over to the doors.

She makes it out just in time to see President Snow coming out of Caspian's room. Her heart starts to beat a little faster when he walks towards her, his tie loosened and his curls unruly. He looks very handsome right now.

"They're asleep?" He nods at their bedroom doors. Soarynn nods then shakes her head, "Yes, well, no. I just put them down."

President Snow hums and pushes the doors open, slipping into the darkened room. Soarynn hears excited gasps and then the sound of him quieting them down. She peers in and sees him kissing them both goodnight, nodding when they show him their new stuffed animals. He gives their foreheads one last kiss each before rising back up to his full height.

Soarynn backs into the hallway, her hands clasped behind her back and her head lowered when he comes back out, closing the doors behind him. "How was the zoo?"

She glances up at him, he looks so intimidating from the outside, like he could break her into a million pieces and yet, he's so endlessly gentle and patient with his girls.

"It was good," she says, "Caspian kept roaring at the lions."

His lips twitch into what might be a smile but she's not too sure, "Ceraphina said you only let them get one stuffed animal."

Well, shit.

Soarynn is sure that his children are more than used to telling him about every interaction where they're denied something, and she can probably guess what happened to the people who were the cause of those upsets.

But she has to stand her ground the same way she did with Ceraphina. They're very alike, Ceraphina and her father.

"I did," she confirms.

He raises his eyebrows and he looks almost...impressed? No, that can't be possible. "You're the first nanny to ever tell her no to something. She's very used to getting her way."

I can tell, Soarynn thinks, "Is that a good thing?" She asks, tilting her head slightly. He lets out a breathy laugh, "Yes, it's a good thing. I can't have my children running around spoiled and demanding."

"They're not demanding," she quickly says, defending the children, "or spoiled. They're very sweet. It just seemed unseasonable to give them everything in the gift shop. Life doesn't always work that way, even if you want to protect them."

Her words seem to strike a nerve with the President because he frowns, "I have to protect them. They're all I have now that their mother is gone."

Soarynn knows how men like him think, how their children are more than flesh and blood. They're his legacy. Without them, his name, his work, his family will die alongside him. He'll do anything to keep them safe.

"I understand sir," she says softly, "and we were very safe today at the zoo. The children enjoyed it very much."

He nods, scratching the back of his neck, "Good. I'll have to let you take them more places then, they need the interactions with other people."

Soarynn stares down at her shoes, wondering how high of heels she'd need to wear to be at eye level with President Snow. He's so tall, so...overwhelming. She feels the same way she did in the stairwell earlier today, unsure of what to do.

"I'm sure they'd appreciate that," she finally says, giving him a polite smile. He stares her down for a second, his cold gaze analyzing her face which only makes her feel more self-conscious than before.

"You look just like your mother."

That just about knocks the wind out of her.

He's older than her, and old enough to remember her mother before she died in childbirth. Soaryn's heard it countless times, how she's the spitting image of her mother but she didn't expect him of all people to comment on it. Not here, not now.

She finally regains her composure and nods, "I've been told that before sir."

His eyes travel up and down her body, "I always thought your mother was beautiful, she was always kind to me. Do you think of yourself as kind Ms. Nightingale?"

"...it takes a special type of person to be genuinely kind..."

Eudora's words echo over and over in her head while she thinks of a suitable answer. She doesn't think it's possible to always be kind but she sure tries. She doesn't really have a reason not to be kind.

"I try to be sir."

"I think you might make my children kind."

"All children are kind, it's the adults around them who make them cruel."

Soarynn has seen it before, how sweet, kind children have been turned into monsters due to their upbringings and the influences around them. She won't let that happen to these children so long as she works as their nanny.

"Goodnight Ms. Nightingale."

"Goodnight sir."

Soarynn walks past him, her hands shaking and her breaths uneven. She's never been around a man as unnerving as President Snow but he probably prefers it that way.

The only time he lets a sliver of kindness show is when he's around his children for a mere hour a day.

What a terrible way to live.

| Part 2. |

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