#social anxiety has also really been kicking me in the ass

[vpyre]

We really are all suffering together, huh? The tags in the rbs of that last post feel almost comforting bc even if we’re all suffering at least we’re not suffering alone. Solidarity! I guess. It took my mind off of things for a second purely bc my therapist friend instincts kicked in and I felt the urge to comfort everyone talking about the rough shit they’re dealing with. I love humanity so much sometimes. I wish I could hold everyone in the world who’s hurting and promise them that better things are coming. Alas I am but one man. I guess the next best thing to do is care for the people I can and hope it passes on to others.

[perilegs]

every time i try to do something scary on purpose for my social anxiety the universe decides to add in unexpected situations 😔

[astonmartinii]

forever and a day | oscar piastri social media au

pairing: oscar piastri x fem long distance reader

nothing can separate them, except maybe 9,000 miles and a couple of oceans.

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

oscarpiastri

liked by logansargeant, landonorris and 893,209 others

tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri: finally back in the homeland and reunited with my girl

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user1: oscary/n nation we are so back

user2: australia always does us so well

yourusername: can you convince mclaren that they should keep paying for our dates

oscarpiastri: i think we were technically working

yourusername: were we? it never feels like work being with you

oscarpiastri: you didn't notice all of the people around us and filming us?

yourusername: i only have eyes for you osc, we know this

oscarpiastri: hehehhehehehee

yourusername: also i have to completely commit you to memory before you fuck off for another couple of months

oscarpiastri: you could always just come with me

yourusername: let me get my degree first, one of us has to be educated osc

oscarpiastri: i have my a-levels? lando doesn't even have gcses

landonorris: why am i catching a stray?

yourusername: because my boyf is smart

landonorris: i've got street smarts 😩

oscarpiastri: you've been catfished like five times already and nearly had your bank details stole?

landonorris: well ... i like to see the best in people?

user3: thank you mclaren for giving us the oscar and y/n content

user4: and the proof that love still exists

user5: terminally lonely girls block mclaren, oscar and y/n.- it's for your mental health

user6: or if you have commitment issues this is some good exposure therapy

logansargeant: oh who did you force to be your photographer this time?

yourusername: you never learnt reading comprehension in school?

logansargeant: i can read i just choose not to read the soppy shit you and oscar say to each other

oscarpiastri: leave us alone

yourusername: you have a problem with us no matter what 🤨

logansargeant: do NOT make me the bad guy for complaining about hearing your guys' sexy time

oscarpiastri: we spend A LOT of time away from each other

yourusername: and by the sounds of it, you could learn a lot

logansargeant: you know what WHATEVER

user7: they terrorise logan so much from opposite sides of the world, pray for him when she can travel with oscar

yourusername

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris and 83,409 others

yourusername: i love any piece of you osc but the separation anxiety is kicking my ass

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user9: oscar gave y/n a plush of himself

user10: no cause he's literally such a black cat

yourusername: he blushes just like that as well

user11: oh really?

user12: want to share with the class

yourusername: that's for my eyes only

oscarpiastri: i'm glad he got to you safely

yourusername: i just about tackled the postman 😔

oscarpiastri: poor graham, we should get him a better christmas gift this year

yourusername: yeah sorry graham but you sprayed the kitty with your cologne and i can't be held responsible for my feral behaviour

user13: they get their postman christmas gifts?

user14: they have the same postman?

user15: yes, y/n lives with his family

user16: really?

yourusername: they can't get rid of me

oscarpiastri: they also love her as much as i do (literally, i have to fight my sisters to spend time with y/n)

landonorris: so this is why we were waiting so long for you at the airport

oscarpiastri: well, yes. it's very important i get y/n a souvenir

landonorris: i could've slept for like an hour longer?

yourusername: just because you don't understand true romance lando 🤨

landonorris: i know romance!

yourusername: maccies in a hotel room is not romance

landonorris: you guys are just freaks about each other that's not my fault

user17: y/n hanging out with oscar's sisters is so precious

user18: if they aren't married soon i will no longer believe in love

user19: they're 23?

user20: tbf i forget that because they've been together since they were like 15

logansargeant

liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri and 351,904 others

tagged: oscarpiastri

logansargeant: oscar forced me to post this so y/n could 'remember how hot he is while he's away at war'

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user21: oh wow... thank you logan!

user22: this is not exactly what i was expecting when i opened instagram but alas i'm not complaining

yourusername: WOOF WOOF WOOF

oscarpiastri: 🤭🤭🤭

logansargeant: someone please remind me why i'm friends with you two

yourusername: because we're your only friends?

yourusername: wait sorry that was mean

yourusername: i just get protective

logansargeant: you're telling me 🤨

oscarpiastri: i'm swooning 🥰🩷

logansargeant: i give up

alexalbon: why am i a part of this oscar thirst trap? why are you posting a thirst trap of oscar?

yourusername: HE'S A GOOD FRIEND

alexalbon: i didn't consent to be part of your weird long distance lust

yourusername: oh girl ain't no one looking at you when oscar is there

alexalbon: you know what you're mean :( i want you to stay in australia

yourusername: i promise i'm a lot nicer when i'm with osc, the distance makes me cranky

alexalbon: i see, remind me to never take oscar out in a race

logansargeant: i think that's wise - i heard her yelling down the phone about carlos

yourusername: i had to block him to stop myself

user23: i am honestly so confused

user24: i think we just let them do it, we'll never understand

landonorris: do NOT ask me to do this @oscarpiastri

yourusername: booooooo you're such a debbie downer

oscarpiastri: he's just s fuckboy he doesn't understand

landonorris: i don't think i'll ever understand you two

yourusername

liked by logansargeant, oscarpiastri and 119,056 others

yourusername: one degree hotter xx

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user26: fucking finally now we can get y/n in the paddock every weekend

liked by oscarpiastri

user27: mclaren social media team seen celebrating just as much

oscarpiastri: and i didn't think it was possible for you to get any hotter

yourusername: maybe a piastri jersey?

oscarpiastri: and a ring?

yourusername: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

yourusername: you know i'll never say no to that

yourusername: do nOT propose through an instagram comment oscar - nicole

oscarpiastri: noted 😔

yourusername: but name the time and the place and i'll be there baby

user28: so we could defo get a y/noscar proposal this season

user29: i would be so insufferable it's unbelievable

user30: the way i just know it was killing oscar not being able to go

user31: did you guys see the kicked dog eyes in the paddock yesterday 😭😭😭

oscarpiastri: they had to force me on the plane

landonorris: no they legit were about to call mick or pato

user32: did y/n convince you to not run away to australia?

oscarpiastri: maybe ....

charles_leclerc: ummmmm who is this oscar? why hasn't your father been introduced?

yourusername: HI

oscarpiastri: y/n is the love of my life and you SHOULD be able to meet her next race weekend

yourusername: so have i also got another father-in-law?

charles_leclerc: you seem to terrorise the other drivers a lot so - yeah!

yourusername: at your service (unless it's you hitting oscar, then there's no MERCY)

charles_leclerc: okay you are kinda scary wtf

oscarpiastri

liked by alexalbon, yourusername and 1,203,677 others

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oscarpiastri: unbelievably proud of you and everything you've done darling. i'm so sorry i couldn't be there to celebrate with you, but i'll make it up to you before you know it xx

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user33: oh to be loved like this

user34: they make me feel lonely like the world apart i can only imagine how insane it'll be when they're back together 24/7

yourusername: i love you so so so much osc. you've done more than you could know by supporting me through my education. we have the rest of our lives to be together, so don't beat yourself about it now

oscarpiastri: but i'm so proud of you and just wanted to be there to celebrate you :(

yourusername: osc i can feel you pouting through the screen baby

landonorris: he really is and it's kinda annoyingly cute

yourusername: of course it's cute it's oscar 🙄

landonorris: right so i'll take back my congratulations then

yourusername: FINE BY ME

user35: obsessed with how y/n and lando already have this weird sibling bond

user36: it's the weird relationship that you kind of love between your gf and friend

user37: it's all cute until they actually fight

yourusername: if he makes any wrong step against oscar i'll crush that loser

landonorris: ahhaaha funny joke

yourusername: you're a 5'5 twig, i could snap you in half

user38: i need them to recreate the last photo when oscar wins his first race

user39: i think pinterest would explode

yourusername: no but no joke, i love you so much osc and i can't wait to start the new chapter of our life

oscarpiastri: i love you too xx

oscarpiastri: sorry to my sisters but they're losing their live in stylist because you're never ever leaving me ever again

oscarpiastri: that makes me sound like a possessive asshole but i just have attachment issues

yourusername: no these years since you started in f3 have been actual hell without you and i never want to leave your side again

yourusername: i just love watching you do what you love

oscarpiastri: i'll always love you more

user40: who's chopping onions wtf

user41: i'm invoicing them for my therapy

mclarenf1

liked by fredvesti, arthurleclerc and 1,256,046 others

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mclarenf1: don't tell oscar but we've got a surprise guest for him 🤫

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user45: take me out back and shoot me please and thank you

user46: so real of you

landonorris: is this why his phone is currently hidden in my drivers room?

mclarenf1: maybe ...

landonorris: if he fights me for it that's on you guys

mclarenf1: wait admin has just realised you definitely shouldn't be on your phone

landonorris: LOL

user47: mclaren you better not fuck this race for oscar because i need my big rom com ending kiss in parc ferme

user48: omg romance writers do i have a plot for you

user49: the way this would seem so unrealistic if i read it in a book but these fools really have been together for like eight years and are unbelievably in love

yourusername: heheheheh thanks for flying me out on such late notice xx

mclarenf1: no worries queen

yourusername: you guys better be on top form, you can't hide from me in the garage

mclarenf1: hahahaha 😅😅😅

user50: is y/n the reincarnation of nicole scherzinger? like a wag that goes fucking mental

user51: and wears team merch with pride

yourusername: nicole is a queen (thank you for one direction queen) but you guys do not want me on the microphone

user52: you and oscar karaoke? please?

yourusername: we once did breaking free together but you'll have to bother logan for that video

user53: OSCAR PLEASE WIN AND DO DRUNK KARAOKE

oscarpiastri

liked by landonorris, yourusername and 1,556,308 others

tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri: i told you she was my lucky charm. overjoyed to get my first win, it's a dream come true and to have the love of my life with me makes it even sweeter. y/n, i'll love you forever and a day x

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user54: CONGRATS OSCAR 🧡🧡🧡

user55: i'm having such a proud mum moment

user56: tears in my eyes

user57: not as much as y/n that girl was going THROUGH IT

user58: we need her mascara, cause that shit didn't budge

yourusername: I AM SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU OSCAR

yourusername: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

yourusername: AND THANK YOU FOR WAITING FOR ME TO BE AT A RACE TO WIN

oscarpiastri: i guess i just knew in my bones you were here and simply had to win

oscarpiastri: i just wanted to see you so bad that i drove the fastest to the finish line

yourusername: well tell them to hurry up and debrief so we can celebrate 👀

oscarpiastri: ON MY WAY

user59: maybe we will get that karaoke?

logansargeant: congrats bro! @landonorris i hope you brought some ear plugs, if not you might want to start drinking now

landonorris: SOMEONE GET ME A DRINK STAT

yourusername: i'll personally buy you a drink because i'm going to rock his world tonight

oscarpiastri: 😎😎😎

landonorris: and here i thought you were my little innocent teammate

yourusername: there's nothing little about him

landonorris: EWWWW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE

yourusername: all celebrations aside, i'm so proud and i'll love you forever and always x

oscarpiastri: it's always been you and it will always be you

yourusername: i love you

oscarpiastri: i love you too

fin.

note: WOOOOOOOOOO OSCAR!!! (i'm ignoring everything else to do with the race, oscar is my king)

[isa-ghost]

You know why I’m here. Give me your hot take of FitMC and Missa dynamic. 👀 I’m gonna enable brainrot.

I SEE YOU, WIFE OF MINE. YOU'RE NOT SUBTLE.

Obviously this applies to their dynamic in AMFMN AND my take on what Would Be in canon.

Fit and Missa seem like mega opposites on the surface, but in reality, there are a couple things they're on the same page, same paragraph, same letter on. One such thing is how viciously they'll protect their loved ones. You fuck with their partner, their closest friends, or their kids and you're getting unbridled rage the likes of which you'll never want to be on the receiving end of again.

In complete tone whiplash, they're also both fantastic flirts. Will they fumble a little maybe? Oh yeah. Fit having rizz let alone an extensive social network is hella new to him, and Missa is, well,,, Missa. Exploding with energy and too in love with the target of his affection to keep all that energy contained. And that's assuming the self-worth demons aren't beating him to death with hammers but I digress. When they're both confident and whatnot, Fit & Missa have hella flirt game. Phil would know.

They both put family first unconditionally. Fit puts Pac & Ramon before anything, and Missa puts Phil, Chayanne & Lullah before anything including himself. They will both kill AND die for their families.

Given they're so similarly motivated, they work together seamlessly. Fit might be a bit more quick to act or opt for violence sooner than Missa, and Missa might be easily consumed by anxiety or a fear of failure, but really there's not much that sets them apart.

Getting silly here again: Fit 🤝🏻 Missa -> Big Fuckass Weapon. Missa has his reaper scythe, and Fit has a whole arsenal; the trident, his plain scythe, his potato cannon, and I personally love to headcanon him with a massive fuckoff warhammer.

Okay so bear with me here, this one's VERY headcanon but I'd like to apply it to canon bc we're never getting deep Missa lore like this so Let Me Cook: Fit and Missa both have "superiors" looming behind them that would fuck a Lot of what they have going for them on Quesadilla Island up. Fit has Madagio, obviously. Not much else needs to be said about that. Missa, however, has his grim reaper "superior(s)." I haven't worked out the details of how they function, but grim reapers take their job of reaping & guiding passed souls very very seriously. It's a demanding job, which is why Missa is away so often, frequently with little to no notice to anyone, even Phil. Well, what Missa is doing (falling in love, making mortal friends, a mortal family, etc) is pretty risky for a reaper. He's living that Doomed To Lose Everyone trope and the fact that Phil is immortal and therefore he won't lose him is a huge reason he fell in love with him. WELL, obviously living through repetitive inevitable loss like that can take a HUGE toll on someone mentally & emotionally. For a reaper, potentially to the point of being incapable of doing their job when the time comes. By doing what he's doing on QI, Missa is risking exactly that. Reapers have a major "rule" of Don't Get Attached, and ya boy is VERY VERY attached to a lot of QI residents. Death Themselves would not be very pleased by that and would perceive it as a threat to Missa's ability to do his job in an instant. I'd like to think he's been keeping all his QI shenanigans on the downlow to any & all reapers, for the sake of keeping heat off himself & his loved ones. So yeah. He and Fit both are hiding attachments they shouldn't have from their superiors.

Both Fit and Missa are simultaneously "kick ass first, ask questions later" and "this is something we need to plan carefully" people. How does this work, you ask? Well. They're both strategic people who know a lot about fights and tense situations, not to mention the Federation isn't a case where they can stomp their shit in and then get what they want. But they're also both heavy hitters when it comes to PVP and a lot of times it's easier to bonk a motherfucker and Then get answers. No Thoughts Only Eliminate Threat.

When something goes wrong, if it isn't a personal matter, the first thing they do is consult one of the people they trust most. This could be Phil, Pac, or Roier. You can guess who would go to who (they'd both go to Phil).

Missa is often susceptible to anxiety & mental spirals. It's not like Fit isn't, but he's had loads of experience learning to keep a level head no matter what and knows better than most that being pragmatic is what'll keep you alive longest. In other words, in times of crisis, Fit is excellent at grounding Missa and getting him to lock in during moments that call for it.

I feel like both of them have garbage sleeping habits. Be it because they stay up too late bc they're busy with something, can't stay asleep long, or some other reason, they just both strike me as night owls, potentially against their wills.

Which is funny because I can also see them both being early risers who appreciate the morning. Fit and his routine with Morning Crew, Missa and his Grim Reaper Appreciation for the small things in life, like the peaceful quiet of early day, the sun only just starting to warm things, etc etc.

Something something don't bring up Spreen when they're both around because that'll get tense and awkward Quick.

I don't know if I'd consider Fit loud, but I feel like he has this accidental habit of jumpscaring the shit out of Missa by simply existing one way or another because Missa can be so easy to startle sometimes. It's a running joke between them.

I am an unapologetic believer that Fit and Missa both have nasty tempers when you REALLY piss them off, even if it takes a Lot to push them to that point.

Just sayin', Phil and Pac would NOT be able to contain themselves if they watched their partners spar.

[blepxiee]

Hi. It’s been a while and I deeply apologize

Okay so mini comic to demonstrate what just happen to me when I checked tumblr after… I don’t know how long it’s been-

I’m not going to get into much of what happened while I was gone. My mental health was slipping ever so slowly, on top of that I got sick towards the end so that kicked my ass- That’s the gist of it.

Typically when I go on little breaks I neglect to make a post about me taking a break or anything. This is because I feel like feel like I’d just be letting someone down for lack of better words. Even at the point of writing this my hands are shaking and I can’t think straight. The main reason I even took the break to begin with was to calm down, I had a lot on my mind at the moment and tumblr just added to that 10 fold.

For the record most of it wasn’t with anything anyone did. It’s all just my brain and the fact that since I wasn’t used to tumblr still I felt out of place. Even though I knew this wasn’t true and you all are amazing people I just didn’t want to continue while knowing I couldn’t preform at my best. I felt like if I couldn’t give you all the best than nothing was going to be good enough. (Couldn’t imagine being a perfectionist/sarc)

Anyways, I’m also terribly sorry I had absolutely zero idea that so many people would worry about where I went or if I was okay. The guilt of also not answering those makes me feel worse. It was a bitter sweet feeling to see the worried messages it felt nice to know people worry and care, but it was anxiety inducing to know that you all are worrying about where I am while I’m just drawing in my room to relieve stress.

I LOVE this community and the people here, I’ve always loved talking to people and making new friends. However social anxiety is a bitch and I sadly still get in my own head about it. I’m too hard on myself and I feel like that’s what happens with a lot of people and not just me. So a little message to people who can relate

ENJOY YOURSELF!!!

Doing stuff like this is supposed to be FUN for you and hopefully everyone else that interacts with you and whatever you create. Doing this is my fun and what I really need to work on is reminding myself that it’s just that. Fun. Not a 100 page essay that needs to be perfected and reviewed twenty times over. I’m not saying that I’ll stop trying, just that I won’t be so hard on myself for my mistakes and trust that you all will be okay with that and the fact I will make many mistakes. If there’s mistakes in this writing that I probably didn’t see I won’t be surprised.

Anywizzle, that was that. This is also NOT me officially saying I will be very active. I’m about to go on an 4 day trip so interactions will still be sparse, I’ll make an official post when I return. Also no one has to feel bad for sending messages asking if I was okay, I overall thank you guys for that so so much. I am still very sorry though for not interacting for a while, also PLEASE CATCH ME UP- I assume stuff went down since I went completely MIA from tumblr so if you want you can just briefly tell me what I need to catch up on. With that, thanks for reading and happy scrolling!

….Also happy pride!!

[sailorsplatoon]

How do you think your version of the agents (including the idols and Acht) would react to meeting and feel about my oc Alex? his info dump is pinned on my blog

First of all can I say that I just read the infodump and I love all the work you put into him! He's a very cool character and I can tell you've spent a lot of time developing him and making his story a good one!

Okay, now onto actually answering the question. This is going to be long so I apologize in advance.

Captain would be a little hesitant at first, since she's kind of naturally distrusting of most people (similar to how she was when she first met Acht). However, after she sees that Alex's rough exterior is mainly due to all the stuff he's been through, she lightens up a bit. I have barely developed Captain's backstory, but she's definitely been through some rough things too.

Four likes him immediately. You mentioned that he has a soft spot for childish and hyper people, which is kind of Four to a T (though he's your oc so you'd know better what he'd think of them than me). Either way Four would be excited to meet him and want to get to know him better.

I am yet to talk about this on my account, but my Agent 8 has social anxiety, so he'd be pretty of nervous about meeting someone new. He wouldn't really talk that much at first, but he certainly tries to show kindness through his actions. After a while he get's comfortable opening up, but it takes him a bit. He does want to get to know Alex more, he's just shy and anxious. That has less to do with Alex and more to do with who Eight is as a person.

Neo thinks Alex is super cool. It's especialy fascinated by the amount of scars he has. It understands that he probably doesn't want to talk about what happened for him to get them, so it never asks. But Neo does assume that he's super tough, seeing how much he's been able to survive. It hopes to face off against him in a 1v1 Turf War at some point to see how well he fights.

Acht would be able to tell immediately that Alex has been through a lot. Because of that they make sure to treat him with extra kindness. They tend to be a more quiet and reserved person, but as long as they have Four nearby they're okay with opening up more. They take time to talk with Alex about pretty much anything, wanting him to know that they're there for him if he ever needs it.

I'm assuming at least a few of the idols have met Alex in your universe (since you mentioned Marie knows him), but in mine they obviously haven't yet so I'll talk about how the ones in my universe react when they first meet him!

Callie and Marie are mostly just worried for him. They can see how much he's been through and how it's taken a toll on him. They really just want him to be okay.

Pearl and Marina both find him interesting. They want to know more about him, but they also understand why he'd be hesitant to open up to them. They take a similar approach to Acht, which is just treating him kindly, though they also see how hard he is on himself and they make an effort to encourage him to take care of himself.

Shiver, Frye, and Big Man feel similar to Neo, thinking that he's super cool. They would challenge him to a fight if they didn't think he would kick their asses. They are 100% behind the idea of Neo trying to fight him though, mainly because they think it's going to lose horribly and they want to see that happen.

Thank you for the ask!!! I wrote a lot... your oc is amazing!

[paperstarwriters]

ive come kneeling at your doorstep to beg for that essay on murio and luciels parallels you mentioned 👀💦👉👈

i love loathing lucio so much so it would deal my lil hater ass so much psychic damage and i cannot wait to get rekt

(onlyifyouwanttothoofcoursetakeyourtime)(just making sure youre aware id print that shit n frame it above my bed were it to come to existence)

Hello @tetsuooooooooooo! I know you said I can take my time, ok I'm still really really sorry this took awhile, I've been kinda burnt out from classes lately, and writing a bunch of essays for that lol, but I've managed to make a somewhat coherent argument for my case here lol.

Now, to preface this:

I only really like Lucio as a character to thematically dissect and kick around occasionally for giggles. I am a far, far cry from a Lucio stan, I just find him interesting—like a bug. Honestly I don't think I'm gonna convince you he's in any way a good guy I just might make you loathe him more 😅

I haven't played Lucio's route. I'm too busy and I get too annoyed with some of his antics + the options of reactions that MC is allowed to make. I've only played the side stories and a lot of my understanding of his character is built from Muriel's route (and I know he's much more different in his own route than he is in the others') as well as hearsay from other people talking about Lucio

I know I said that I'd include Aurora's songs in my original statement but that got wayyyyyyy too messy so I'm just opting to exclude them lol. (not to mention youtube is doing a very irritatingly strange thing of deleting and then reuploading Aurora's songs??? so I don't wanna deal with the messy files :/)

With that out of the way here is my essay :)

Wordcount: 2,908

──────── ✎ ────────

Muriel and Lucio are both very, very caught up in how they are seen by others. While it's clearer when it comes to Lucio, it is also made clear in Muriel by the fact that Social anxiety is often caused by stress over how a person is perceived and their mental belief that they are helpless to change that perception. This causes of their self perception are also quite similar, due to their similar histories, but in the same way that there are some notable opposites between them with their struggle for their identity there is also some notable differences in their histories that arguably causes the slight difference in their struggle for their self image.

To begin with their history, Muriel and Lucio are noted to both come from the South. They come from two opposing tribes, and are both eventually chased out of their home and community by 1) a cruel person who arguably causes their struggle of identity and 2) the plague. Of course, the major difference here is that Lucio actively made decisions that would lead to him being chased out of his tribe, he was arguably aware that if it failed he'd have to leave, he just hadn't considered that it would actually fail.

Muriel on the other hand is chased out of his home at a much younger age, and he has no choice in his eviction from his home or his family. There is no action that Muriel could have done that would have allowed him to stay where he was, unlike Lucio who had a clear option that would have allowed him to stay.

Or at least would have allowed him to stay until he grew tired of his mother's attitude towards him.

I don't believe that Morga's cruel and dismissive attitude towards Lucio started when he tried to kill her, rather, I believe that she has been doing that for a long, long time. She often states that she had been "too soft" on Lucio, but I think her "softness" is the same kind we see in Muriel's route. She berates him, she threatens him, she tells him how awful and unskilled he is to everyone else and makes a show of his failures, but when she is completely and fully enraged and is about to hit Lucio, she hesitates.

Is that softness? To her perhaps. To the tribe, perhaps. But not to me, and not to Lucio.

So, despite all of the harsh words thrown his way, he decides to take action to prove her wrong. I'm willing to bet that a lot of Morga's criticisms were about how strong he was and how he was in fact not actually as strong as he could have been, not as strong as he should have been. That's why when he takes action to prove Morga wrong, he immediately snaps to killing her. There is, after all, no better way than showing your power than killing your opponent (we see this belief in Morga when she spars against Muriel and he beats her.) Of course, in hand-to-hand combat, and on fair terms, Lucio can't actually defeat his mother, so he takes to more under-handed methods in order to beat her.

When this fails, it is the first major wound on his self-image. He cannot defeat his mother. He is not strong enough to defeat his mother despite cheating.

So, he runs away.

Besides marking a wound on his self-image, this also marks Lucio's connection to others. Having been exiled from his tribe, he is disconnected from the friends who may have actually supported him somewhat, he is robbed of his connections and separated from anyone who may have actually loved and cared for him (platonically and/or romantically)

Similarly, Muriel's separation from his own family, and his eventual abandonment into the streets of Vesuvia separates him from any stable sense of love and affection as well. Because he was separated from loving parents as a child and was likely surrounded by a number of children who were abandoned because they were unwanted, or because their parents were unable to care for them, Muriel has no other answer than what the other kids give him it is the only answer he has. Further more I believe that Muriel was probably abandoned by that merchant because they were unable to keep feeding him, which he also attaches onto his real parents as to why he was abandoned in the first place.

And so Muriel believes himself to be unloved and unlovable after being separated from family, or any semblance of a family.

Returning to Lucio, he moves on from his tribe and eventually joins a military group(? I think? Idk. I'm sure there was a specific name for it but I can't remember sorry) Once again, this is an act of trying to prove to his mother and to his community that they were wrong, and when compared to the ordinary person outside of their tribe, he's actually a really good and capable fighter. Of course, however, this is inevitably cut short as he looses his arm, and is once again confronted with the fact that he is unskilled as a warrior and so he retreats from his perceived deficiency and takes a different route to getting the love and admiration he wants—politics.

Of course, as we see in Muriel and Asra's childhood tale, this inevitably puts him into direct conflict as, in order to climb the social ladder he offers to "clean up" the streets. While it's largely left up to interpretation as to whether or not the Threat of Asra's safety came first or Muriel's position as a gladiator came first, I can't help but believe that Muriel's position as a gladiator came first, as otherwise, he might've gone out and tried to check on Asra's safety. (though this is mostly a headcannon) I believe that Lucio offered Muriel a chance to have some say in who gets "cleaned up" from the streets, and for Muriel to be able to get rid of the "actually bad criminals". Regardless of whether or not this is true, the arena gives Muriel his first taste of admiration, as people cheer for and adore him, but it also tears that sense of admiration away as he eventually has to come to terms with what he is doing. Whether that sense of dread and awareness was always there or it occurred somewhere in the middle is also unknown but the outcome is the same regardless. Being known and being admired becomes tied to hurting and harming people—because it is the only trait he sees that other people admire, he sees it as his only lovable trait.

And so Lucio and Muriel begin to reflect each other—and I don't mean reflect as in they show the same image, I mean reflect as in we see a similar image, but the image is reversed (*wink wink nudge nudge*). Here Muriel sees himself as only capable of being loved for his ability to commit violence, and Lucio sees himself as being incapable of being loved because he cannot complete the amount of violence he needs to commit.

Now, I feel the need to emphasize here, despite having many people around him who Lucio may truly believe love and admire him, the people around him very likely don't actually care for him very much because they either do not know him well, or they see him as little more than a pawn in a plan, or at least someone who gives them benefits. And even if there are a number of people with genuine admiration for Lucio, it still wouldn't be enough. Admiration is never enough when you lack genuine emotional connections with others, and Lucio, clearly does.

Again, this parallels Muriel who also struggles with a lack of genuine emotional connections to others. Although he has Asra with him, it's clear that, Asra's tendency to be fickle with connections has extended to him as well, especially when Asra spends more time with MC than him, leaving Muriel feeling abandoned and alone. Considering that Asra is the only person we ever really see Muriel connect or talk to, it's no stretch to say that Asra is one of Muriel's only friends, if not their only friend period, and so with Asra disappearing on him as often as they do, Muriel is left feeling that he actually has no connections at all.

Of course once again reflecting each other, where Muriel clearly sees he lacks connections and pretends he does not, Lucio, makes unsteady transactional rather than emotional relationships and pretends that that is enough.

It is of course, not enough, because if it were, he wouldn't have treated Muriel like that, he likely wouldn't have plucked Muriel out at all. Although this is largely speculation, I believe that Lucio treated Muriel the way he did because he feels as if Muriel is the very child Morga would have wanted. He is big and strong, and although not technically skilled if Muriel were raised by Morga like Lucio was, he might've been. This is why his first reaction to seeing Muriel and Morga working together is that Muriel is Morga's replacement son. It's because that's how Lucio had been treating him. Muriel is Lucio's little avatar to live out the glory of being a fantastically skilled fighter who can beat up all of his opponents. This is also, why I believe that Lucio purposefully trained Muriel to be less skilled in fighting than he was. In Muriel's route, Lucio comments that he's always been able to beat Muriel, and while I do in fact believe that Lucio is actually a skilled fighter, despite how he is often presented and despite my arguments above—he's most often a skilled fighter in the technical sense. He knows all the movements, he knows all the strategies, he knows all the underhanded tricks. By not fighting Muriel too often, and refusing to teach him these tricks however much it may be able to help Muriel out in the arena, it allows Lucio to be able to defeat him whenever he wants to. It allows Lucio to make it seem to himself that he is better than the person his mother would have wanted as a son, which I believe to be both horrible but also sad, for both Lucio and Muriel.

With Lucio, it shows how desperate and inferior he feels with his fighting skills, constantly trying to compensate for it something we can also see that in the portrait of himself he has in his room.

For Muriel, it keeps him scared, and keeps him pinned in place despite having realized the consequences of his fighting. Something which only furthers his self-hatred when he realizes he actually could have easily left.

So yes, Muriel and Lucio are both very self conscious people, and while for Muriel his self consciousness stems from people seeing him as a monster, and him believing that he is one although he does not want to be one, Lucio is self-conscious in the fact that he is not seen as the brutal fighting warrior he was supposed to be.

These reflected aspects of each other, alongside of their self consciousness is the very thing they struggle through in their routes, the very thing that MC helps them to get through.

Lucio believes that through various paintings of himself that rearranges his past (paintings of himself as a triumphant fighter, while his mother is demure and elegant), various unfair/practically staged fights, and celebrations of himself on top of it all, he would be able to convince people that he is awesome and amazing and that he deserves to be loved. In doing all of this however, Lucio runs away from confronting the beliefs at his core and wondering if perhaps, what he understood as traits that make a person great may be incorrect—that his mother had not just been incorrect on the fact that he was a failure, but on the fact of what makes a person successful or powerful. By constantly covering up what he sees as deficits, Lucio skims over his own internal struggles entirely which makes him look foolish and annoying as he ignores what's so clearly there for others.

Meanwhile, for Muriel, he is aware of his deficits, and is unable to properly hide them without disappearing completely himself, he tries to figure out and fix all of his problems through introspection and isolation, but it is not something he can do on his own. Muriel of course, can't accept the fact that he may need help. He can't accept the fact that despite what he believes of himself, other people may actually care for him the same way he cares for them, and will actually offer help. And so, as he runs away from people and community, from friends, and possible friends alike, Muriel runs away from his own problems as well, even if he tortures himself with confronting them (I can't remember if he actually does this or if this is a fanfic trope 😅) Essentially, by constantly trying to deal with his struggles on his own, he neglects his connections to others who may help him, or at least offer support.

And then MC comes along, and because they both desperately needed that deep connection to someone else, regardless of whether it is something platonic or romantic. MC is able to leverage their relationship in order to further propel Muriel and Lucio's development into acknowledging the thing they refuse to acknowledge, and finally balance out their coping mechanisms, which, on their own isn't actually unhealthy (Lucio's really good at connecting with others; Muriel knows how to confront his inner turmoil) using that single method as their crutch for their traumas only ever hurts them more.

As Muriel progresses through his route, he grows more connected with his community and people. One meaningful moment that I don't think they give enough screen time in the game is the moment that Muriel is forced to confront people recognizing and seeing him again. He's forced to confront everyone's perception of him, their memory of him and he retreats into the mirror maze where he stares at all these reflections of himself, all reversed images of himself, but he believes them all to accurately represent himself—as if his superficial physical image is what represents himself mentally and emotionally. And then MC (and Morga 🙄) come through to him and pull him out of that panic attack (or interrupt and yank him away from properly addressing the problem in Morga's case 😤) And that's the first step to being loved. As they say, in order to let yourself be loved you have to let yourself be known, and in that first step, choosing to step forward and prioritize the lives of others over his own self image, Muriel begins to be admired by others. Genuinely admired, for traits that he likes in himself rather than traits that he hates.

Similarly for Lucio, (although I haven't played his route so this is largely based on hearsay) he's faced with problems that he Has to face on his own (or at least somewhat on his own) the main one being that he has to confront the consequences of his own actions, he has to acknowledge to himself that he isn't perfect and that he can't be perfect. It's why at the end of his route on the upright ending, he leaves Vesuvia, to take on a life of (semi)solitude to further take some time to improve his ability at introspection, while in the Reversed ending he's still talking with people, still trying to manipulate their perceptions of him (and the MC), and still trying to be a "good boy" (ie. perfect) for the MC.

Now, it may be argued that Julian can/should be included in this struggle of how others perceive him but I raise you this; that guy is the most dramatic ass dude in town and his biggest dramatic act was telling everyone about how horrible he is. He clearly has no issues with how other people see him, but he has problems with how he sees himself, which again, reflects Muriel a bit, but I'm sure most people are familiar with their (more blatant) similarities by now lol

So yea.

Muriel and Lucio are reflections of each other. At their core, they both struggle with the same problem of caring way too much about how they're seen by others, but they cope with (and thus worsen) the problem in opposite ways, so when they take steps to heal themself, they also go in opposite directions, with Lucio needing to take some time to himself to get into his own head, while Muriel needs some time away from himself to get out of his own head.

Essentially they're heading in opposite directions to reach the same conclusion: other people's opinions don't matter as much as your own opinion of yourself and the opinions of the people close to you.

Interesting parallels, no?

Of course, I believe this could've been better illustrated if Nyx Hydra didn't rush the last three routes, but alas, this is what fan fiction and fan-analysis is for lol

Anyways I don't tend to poke around the Lucio side of the fandom too much to begin with so if this has all been said and argued before forgive me for the repetition, and If I've gotten some points wrong, please feel free to correct me! I've mentioned before I haven't really played through Lucio's route so some things may be wrong.

[lockmad]

I’m going to try to make this make sense, but no promises… but I’m also going to acknowledge that Tumblr is like a diary to me and I don’t expect anyone to read this but if you read it hello! 👋 I hope you are well

I’m really struggling right now… my grandmother just passed away and she truly meant the world to me and I don’t even feel like I’ve had the time to grieve.

I had to pick up my whole entire life and move in with my grandfather within a week, I’ve been with him for two weeks, and he is struggling in ways we didn’t predict. I am also struggling in ways I did not predict. I have clinical depression, but I thought I had learned the skills needed to deal with things like this… I need to give myself credit though because I’m dealing a lot better than I would’ve when I was 19 or 22.

I’ve put so much work into myself and I’m trying so hard but I am so tired of life kicking my ass. 

Life is hard for so many reasons, I think a lot of people my age feel it. The economy, climate change, the way the majority of men are acting in regards to dating, not even that, but the whole idea of dating now is so hard with social media.

No one puts themselves out there, and when I personally do put myself out there, no one responds. And I want to make it abundantly clear to myself, as well as others, that I am not an unattractive person. I think a lot of the time the people who are expressing this discomfort with the dating scene are being told that there’s something wrong with them, and I would like to acknowledge that sometimes, things are not your fault. I am not ugly. I am not hard to be around. I am not unlikable. I would be the best thing that has ever happened to the right person. Most men would be lucky to kiss the ground I walk on, and I mean that in the most polite way possible … 

I’m constantly struggling with the idea that I don’t have much time to love and enjoy life because climate change has put a countdown on my life in a way I don’t think any other generations have had to deal with

I feel like I’m going to spend the time I have left alone. And though I don’t see anything wrong with being alone that’s never been what I want.

I want companionship, I want partnership.

I’ve been single for over a year now and I’ve been single for chunks of my life before that and I’m learning to be comfortable with it. But it just isn’t what I want. And now I’m in the situation that I feel has set me back.

 I’m struggling with an abundance of emotions that no one seems to be able to empathize with and it all comes down to the fact that I am lonely…

I just don’t wanna be alone…

Anyway, I’m not sure any of that made sense. I’m really just trying to use any and every outlet I have to keep myself above ground. I don’t feel like I deserve this, I don’t feel like my grandfather deserves this, I don’t feel like my mother deserves this. I don’t understand why life is so painful and I just came to vent to the void or whoever you are reading this right now.

EDIT:  I also want to acknowledge, for my own sake, that my relationship with death is very complicated. I was raised very religiously, and I am an agnostic if anything. But truly, I’m not sure how anything like heaven could be real. My grandmother was a devoted Catholic and she’s gone. I don’t know how to understand that she’s just gone. I don’t think I’ll see her again someday, I don’t think her spirit is with me or is watching over me, she’s just gone and that’s honestly as horrifying as if I were to believe she could watch over me right now (which is a concept that gave me extreme anxiety as a child. The idea that my loved ones could watch and judge me from above) I have not grieved her properly yet. She was a very anxious woman herself, and chose to not have awake funeral or burial. When she died in the hospital, I kissed her forehead and she was gone. I will never see her again, and I have nothing to visit, no grave to put flowers on, and no closure.

Obviously, her thoughts and feelings were complicated. I could get into the details of my family dynamics and all that but I don’t know.. I can’t change anything so what’s the point, right? it’s all out of my control .. 

Ciao  

[gothicprep]

the groomer shit is explicitly transphobia, that's explicitly derivative of recycled old homophobic tropes, that themselves are derivative of things some people just completely made up. but one thing i haven't really seen discussed wrt how this has gotten way more public support than it ever should have, is that fictional sex trafficking narratives have been sitting on the back burner in the US imagination for the better part of four decades, at the most modest estimate. they're infrequent (and often ideologically unrelated) enough that they get memory-holed, but get just frequent enough press attention that it's something always simmering.

to elaborate on what i'm talking about a bit here: the wayfair thing was in 2020. elsagate was 2017, and fosta-sesta was introduced earlier that year. pizzagate was the year before that. super bowl sex trafficking rumors have been covered reliably annually since the mid 2000s. then you can knock on the freak-out over ritual sex abuse in the mid 80s to early 90s, coming hot off the heels of the satanic panic. we've also got the cultural legacy of america's most wanted and the milk carton campaign, also from the early reagan years.

the sociologist joel best wrote in 1987, "Ordinary citizens may have encountered explicit reminders of missing children more often than for any other social problem". and that's not even counting the chain emails your mom sent you about "call 112" and social media posts about how anyone who does anything weird at wal-mart is going to kidnap you in the parking lot and sell your ass to pepper jack. these generally don't kick up enough dust to become cultural moments in the same way.

the united states have been locked in a state of baseless and disproportionate anxiety about the prevalence and frequency of child sexual abuse by random actors for a very long time, which makes me deeply unsure about how we're meant to take fully preventative measures to end this and create conditions that promise we aren't playing this same game every handful of years. and that's not even getting into the ethical concerns of how someone, as an investigative journalist, is meant to cover legitimate instances of predation from powerful people – your epsteins and catholic priests – without igniting a powder keg all over again.

i wish i had answers for this one, but i really don't.

[moonjxsung]

Oh my Star🌟,

It's been a while, i hope you're doing well, i took some what of a break from socials and i deleted every one except tumblr, life has been kicking my ass lately but honestly when is it not? This time around though i am pushing to change, to live, not to stick around to meekly survive from the aftermaths of my anxiety and depression. I want to be better and do better, but one step at a time.

I hope you are doing so so so well, that you are eating well and you're health is in good condition, i wanted to come on here, to tell you that and to tell you that I have recently read reckless convictions and already reblogged my thoughts: brilliant to say the least. You are so so so so talented and i immerse myself in your writing as thought it was really me ( y/n) because the way you write really resonates with me. Remember you are so loved and i appreciate you so much even if i don't full know you.

I urge you to listen to this song; Liebestraume ( dreams of love), maybe it's nothing special but i fell in love with it especially while reading you body of work.

Please stay happy and safe. ❤️

Hi my beautiful angel!!! 🌙⭐️

I’m so sorry to hear you’re not doing too well 🤕 it feels like April has been a particularly rough month for a lot of us. Please take all the time you need and know that my DMs and inbox are always open if you need to chat at all. I’m always here for you and I’m rooting for you while you push through this slump. I love you 🫶💘

AAAAAHH thank you so so much for your love of Reckless Convictions 🥹 it’s a personal favorite of mine and I find myself thinking back to it a lot. Being able to funnel so much of my music past into a piece of work was so healing for me and I’m so glad I got to share it with all of you!! I was actually talking to my colleagues this morning about my past in music (of course I didn’t mention fanfic LOL) but I found myself speaking about it indirectly and I’m so glad you guys are able to put yourselves in the shoes of the reader! It means the world to me that you enjoy my work and I’m sending ALL my love right back to you. Thank you for the love and the feedback 🥹

Please know that I love you very very much and I’m here for you if you need anything at all during this time. I’m thinking of you so dearly and I wish you nothing but the best as April progresses. I hope it brings you some happiness very soon 🫶💖👼 also thank you for the classical music rec!! I’m listening to it right now in bed and it reminds me of my music days. Sending you all my love sweet angel, thank you again for this kind message. You are so so loved 💓💗💕 (adding a little motivation from my Pinterest board for a gentle reminder)

[sobeksewerrat]

☆~~Elvina The Cock-Kicker~~☆

prolly gonna update or change this later (updated: 25/5/24 [d/m/y])

Uh, hello! Name's Elvina (I also go by AnDrew/AnDrea! And Argo aswell, but you need permission from me to use that one), but you can call me whatever lol

(There is also Eara'as, but who cares-)

Update on 24/2/24: Fuck it I am naming myself Adam too. Yes, after the guy from Hazbin. Sue me. It is one of my favourite names now.

-> لو انت بتكلم عربي و عايز تكلمني بيه ممكن تقلي ربيع او مروان برده!!

I'm an amateur artist and writer; currently trying to graduate as soon as humanly possible (and high school has been kicking my ass)

My tagline is "kinda bored ngl"; seriously it's been in the bio of every social media account I have ever owned since 2019 at some point or another it's actually insane, WHY AM I SO BORED?!?

this intro post pretty much only looks good with the "Vampire" theme, if you don't have that, then it sucks to suck, i guess.

BEFORE YOU INTERACT!!

☆I have a full Rules post but these are some others not included in that or TL;DRs.

-> I block very liberally, but I never just randomly block a mutual (unless it is a joke like in the freakblr war or they did sth horrible). I have severe anxiety so I tend to just block anybody who I feel is aggressive (intentionally or otherwise) or weirds me out.

-> I have a really broken sense of humour and I post a lot about inside jokes and stuff with my mutuals. I know I can't stop you, but if we're not mutuals or you're not involved in whatever inside joke I am talking about please dni with the posts. Once a joke of mine blew up and I deleted the original post and made my friends delete their rbs so people would stop seeing it.

-> I tend to forget to tag TWs properly. If I forget to tag sth, please inform me!!

Fandoms:

Special Interest (persumably): The Music Freaks

Hyperfixations: Ace Attorney, Luca(2021), The Stanley Parable, Story Thieves, Scott Pilgrim , Hazbin Hotel , Avatar: The Last Airbender

Danganronpa V3 [yes, V3 specifically.I don't interact with the fandom much]

Mark and Friends/The World of Mr.Plant

The Disastrous Life of Saiki K

Blue's Story (Victaton)

Big Hero 6

DDLC

Diary of A Wimpy Kid (mainly the Dysfunctional Perspective fancomic)

Al Kabeer (not a fandom technically but who cares)

Sonic

Jackson's Diary

Aurora (red osp)

Riordanverse (including KC and MCGA)

Unfamiliar (Lavendertowne)

FNAF

Omori

Helluva Boss

Obey Me!

Ramshackle

Buncha other stuff that I am too lazy to name (might edit as i post about them)

Fandom Stuff to Tag Me In!!

My Kins!!

Random Bullshit:

Egyptian

fav colour is red

Professional Faggot since 2018 (legally)

Aro/Ace (achillean)

Agender / Aboy (transmasc, pronouns: he/him)

Basically just your local pathetic trans boy with mommy AND daddy issues (the whole package!)

INFP

Born in spooky month, loves spooky month

OCD, ADHD, self-diagnosed Autism

Biochemistry nerd. I didn't mean to be one but there was just something very intruiging about toxicology. Blame Lavendertowne.

Massive multi-shipper (also i like crackships, A LOT)

Coffee, vimto and soda addict (blame cockitchy ouma)

Fav. fictional chr. of all time: ✨Manfred von Karma✨(PW:AA)

Drew and Milly kinnie (TMF)

I am Drew irl, all I say about him is canon, I even run the rp blog, don't question me

✨✨✨LEADER OF THE ANTI-DARK REUNION✨✨✨

Menace to society, according to all of my irl friends, and just people who know me (just ask my freakblr mutuals, they'll tell you).

Minor, obv.

Never truly grew out of my Gacha phase

Other Blogs

Tags

Artfol: sobeksewerrat (not super active there lol)

Wattpad: ElvinaHS

AO3: sobeksewerrat

pronouns

Have a great day/ night!!

Your favourite god,

Sober Skewart 🐊🍻

[every1sno1fangirl]

Happy Hifuumo Friday everyone! Today's post is a little late, but that's okay.

We're starting off with an unofficial sort of 'sequel' picture to a previous one. It feels appropriate, since I've chosen this time to go back to the same place.

Though this time, I've chosen to explore more areas of it—and there are still more of them that I have not given how big it is. But next week I will be going somewhere else entirely (I'm not sure where yet though!)

Specifically, I'm going on a very belated birthday lunch with my Grandma because she hadn't realized mine had passed. I asked her if she wanted to join me for one of my trips in doing so, and she said that she would do her best to keep up with me despite her age.

So I want to pick somewhere nice and small-ish, so she won't be walking very much.

She's one of the few people I know IRL (Not that there are many) who even knows about these trips. She thought they were very cute and good for me.

Speaking of and for those who have ever been curious about it; it seems like I walk roughly 3 miles on my trips.

Obviously that isn't as good as working out, but I think going out once a week and managing that is pretty respectable, don't you think?

Especially since I'm meeting so many cool people and seeing so many cool things. I'm getting better at taking photos too. When I was taking a picture of that buffalo statue someone said I should invest in getting an actual camera.

I don't think I will, simply because it's one more thing that could get lost on these trips and I'm a pretty forgetful person, but it made me smile all the same.

I would rather invest in stuff to make my existing camera (my phone) better as one.

Maybe a selfie stick to get different angles? Maybe a tripod so I could take videos without my shaky hands ruining them? I'm not sure...

It's something for me to think about.

So long as I keep having fun with this, that is all that matters. It's really helped me too, even if I still don't know what to do in social situations or around animals. Just how oppressive some of my anxieties could be stepping outside of my door are less so now.

When I was eating lunch a homeless woman was really insistent on talking to and hanging out with me. On some level I appreciated the company, especially when we had talked about how different the area has become. But on other levels...

Well, I declined the roll of quarters she tried to foist upon me and she muttered some stuff about Jesus & Armageddon and how I shouldn't trust anyone and how I would definitely need those quarters more than her 'sometime soon'.

She also tried to give me alcohol.

I kept my mouth shut considering who I am but ultimately it was still a good time, even if a mildly uncomfortable one near the end.

Ending the day with some fish and chips was still really nice though.

I love you all, I hope you have a great day/night!

As an aside, this is the only Jesus I recognize.

Iesua Nazarenus

She is from the fangame 'The Last Comer' and she has a really kick-ass theme called 'Mankind Salvation Plan ~ The Greatest Salvation'. It's a good game with a good representation of Jesus. You should check it out!

[7ndipity]

I want in on this ship game! haha.

So I’m in my late 20s, working in the mental health field (always been fascinated by the way the mind works and how that correlates to society), but my passion is music. I’ve made music since I was in middle school, been writing lyrics and poetry since I was 6/7, and I’ve been singing since I was 4 (began training at 6). Adulting has made me put music on the back-burner as of late, but it will always be my first true love.

Appearance wise Im a biracial tan skinned girl, 5’5”, black hair, super dark eyes, always dying my hair every color of the rainbow and I have 20+ tattoos. I’m a huge art lover and I adore being able to carry art with me all over my body. That being said, i also love museums (from the prestigious to sketchy back alley buildings lol), conservatories, cool bars (I love drinking with friends), cafes (coffee/ tea addict), aquariums, and book stores (huge book nerd). I also have been to probably close to if not 100+ concerts in the last 15 years, they are my happy place, music soothes my soul ❤️

My style has evolved a lot over the years, but my comfort always goes back to grunge I guess?? I love leather jackets, fishnets, platform stompers, tons of jewelry, etc. And if I could have piercings I’d have a ton, but my skin is too sensitive. But when I’m not wearing all black, I also love wearing earth tones as it compliments my tan skin, and I wear lots of skirts and dresses year round. I also cannot see for shit, blind as a bat, I typically always wear my thick ass glasses unless I’m swimming or I do my makeup, then I wear contacts.

I do think I’m considered conventionally attractive in the face, I’ve been told so by others, I’m very endowed too in the chest and booty areas lol. I am on the chunkier side too, but I’ve always heard the classic “you wear it well” or “it’s in all the right places” 😑 whatever, I used to have a lot of self esteem issues and been through several depressive episodes from a young age, but I’ve worked through it and now I’m okay with the skin I’m in. Still working on it, though. I do still struggle a lot with social anxiety and anxiety in general. I want to see a therapist but that’s just sooo expensive. But thats why I turned to music, writing, and singing in the first place. That’s how I express myself and cope 😌

Personality wise I am a Virgo, very introverted, and I absolutely hate socializing unless my closest friends are there (this is where the social anxiety comes in too) lol. But working in the mental health field, I’ve had to network a lot the last few years so I’m way better at putting on an extroverted mask, but at the end of the day I am absolutely drained from it all 🥱 I’m the person at the party chillin with the pets because that’s where I’m more comfortable, if I’m still sober. But drunk/ high me?? Different story 🤣🤣🤣 I’ll talk anyone’s ear off at that point lol. But at the end of the day, I just adore my close friends and family so damn much and I’m at my happiest just kicking it at home with them, drinking, laughing, playing cards, and reminiscing ❤️❤️

I would ship you with Namjoon, Yoongi, and Taehyung!

You share a lot similarities with each of them, they all have a deep love for the arts, Tae and Joon especially love going to museums and galleries, and it’s no secret that Yoongi and Joon practically breathe music, so I think you’d get along with any of them on that front. Plus, they’re all well matched with you astrologically speaking(especially Joon and Yoongi)!

Joon and Yoongi, I think, would both especially appreciate a partner with an introspective mind, and they’ve all had their share of experiences with anxiety, so I think they’d respect and understand your needs/struggles with that. Plus, I think Tae and Yoongi would really like your style!

Hope that was okay💜

[dairy-farmer]

Hi, this might be kind of a dumb question, but would you ever write about sasuke as tim drake again? Ever since I read "heroes come back," I've been pondering what Sasuke's relationship with the batfam would be, especially after dropping the "I've learnt my lesson about following strange men who offer me things in exchange for my body" line. And how your Sasuke!Tim lines up with the Tim you write about and in what ways that changes his relationships, and in what ways it doesn't.

not a dumb question at all!!!!! i have a fondness for all my fics including this one which i consider to be one of the most 'out there' concepts simply because of the whole crossover mashup haha!!

unfortunately i don't have any real or concrete plans about a continuation but there is a big door open for lots of possibilities that i never put down!!! simply because i couldn't find a way to incorporate them.

i do feel like sasuke's relationship is a lot like canon tim's- in that it's very unique in the nature of it.

by the time that sasuke aka "tim" comes into their lives he's had about a decade to really grind down and process A LOT of the trauma he carried over from his last life. (tim's therapists know that tim is traumatized from the events he witnessed as a child and they know that healing is slow but tim also presents with a lot of neuroses- anxiety, antisocial tendencies, paranoia, ptsd. sasuke's issues run deep and i think they pick up on it). sasuke, for the most part, died untreated from a lot of what he suffered and endured. in fact, it's the reason for his death because he never truly allowed himself to open up and let others in. when he's reborn and realizes he's on his own it's sort of the kick in the ass he's always needed to begin the journey to get better (along with the fact that the world he's in now has the facilities to help treat someone like him, i imagine that bruce has been petitioning for better mental health safety nets (especially ones for children) for a long time and sasuke is one of the many people to now benefit from it). sasuke in this verse truly does want to heal and get better and his relationships reflect that.

his relationship with the bats isn't quite strained, there's no coldness between them. but it took a while to get to the familiarity level of comfort. sasuke first respects them and their work and comes to genuinely love and care for them second. but it's his decade of work that ultimately helps him let them in and bond with them as a family through that also takes a while it's what allows him to be 'friendly' enough to befriend young justice. sasuke isn't good at things like socializing or interpersonal things but that's okay because batman isn't either and dick is more than willing to bare the burden of carrying on a conversation with his new little brother. but i feel like their road definitely is a long one because sasuke comes to them incredibly independent.

sasuke has still maintained his internalized maturity as an adult even though he has the mental processing and reactions of a teenager. sasuke is someone who was only ever responsible for himself and when in a team he was always the commander or the one directly under the commander. he definitely is set in his ways like an old man (read: like bruce lol). and while he admired the work bruce did he also had a...bit of a hard time adapting to it. ninja, i believe, kind of have an honor code when it comes to civilians. like only the worst kind of ninja throw their weight around with civilians and sasuke, who is still recovering from poor self-image and self-hatred, wouldn't really feel comfortable doing it. hence him adapting 'civilian' styles of fighting when dealing with most people, fighting like how he'd see farmers in disputes or bar owners would with drunks. the bats see that as him not really wanting to hurt people- until the opponent is someone clearly trained or a threat well then the gloves come off.

sasuke is definitely not fighting at the level he did before though. mainly because of differences in his body's muscle-skeletal structure but also there's no chakra present in the world. sasuke could be thrown through a wall as a genin and yeah it would hurt but he'd live. if that happened to him as robin he'd just die. his bones would break, organs would rupture- chakra provided a kind of padding to protect from hits but also help him hit harder. sasuke also notes how his perception is slower. the closest that a 'normal' person has to ninja perception is deadshot- like that's the level that the lowest ranking genin was at. so sasuke is definitely experiencing a big power descale. as a result he'd rely really heavily on techniques he's mastered, espionage, trap laying, etc. like tim, he's definitely not the strongest or fastest on the team- he has to plan ahead and outsmart many of his opponents, pulling trump cards and tricks. i had this idea that never ended up in the fic about the family catching tim constantly working at a kind of 'signature move' where he'd throw batarangs and then try to change their trajectory while they were still in the air- a trick notably developed by itachi that i believe sasuke had once asked him to teach him (?) but he never did. so sasuke is reverse engineering it as a kind of homage to his brother, eventually, he's successful and it becomes sort of quirk about his fighting style that's recognizable along with his bostaff.

among the bats sasuke is a very quiet and patient person, that anger that he'd had all his past life has more or less simmered down (which is why his 'rivalry' with damian isn't met with mutual aggression and more annoyance from his end when damian gets mouthy). which is different from tim who you can see on occasion has bouts of anger. he's also remarkably forgiving because he's developed more empathy for people- something that tim also had.

sasuke also has a policy of never referring to wanted people by their 'monikers' slash villain names. on one hand, because one of his therapists had told them that it just reinforces then delusions of grandeur many villains have but also i imagine it's mostly a cultural reason. as a ninja only specific people got monikers and it was never for a good reason (usually it meant they had killed a lot of people or because of some bad notable trait about them ). ex. the white fang, sharingan kakashi, friend killer kakashi, the legendary sucker, the yellow flash. using someone's moniker means you know them solely by reputation and are lending them a degree of respect by acknowledging that the other person is well known. sasuke does not want to offer that kind of respect, inadvertent or not. i imagine it really annoys some of the rogues. especially joker and deathstroke (i had a funny scene where sasuke was going to refer to harley and poison ivy as dr. quinzel and dr. isley and then joker as just 'jack' but i never managed to find a way to work it in).

for deathstroke it just irritates him because he feels like he's fighting one of joey's little league friends because sasuke keeps referring to him as mr. wilson. for other rogues they all kind of pause the first time it happens a few of them even freak out because they realize that sasuke knows their secret identity. sasuke's family all just accept that it's a weird little quirk of his

ultimatly i think that sasuke has a pretty good relationship with his family, not really any better or worse than canon tim's but it's one that sasuke never really managed to have before which is the biggest change for him.

but that doesn't mean he shares every part of himself with his family. sasuke at first thought that maybe one of the many magical, psychic, or telepathic people would be able to sense he doesn't belong, that he's not "from" their universe. it was a quiet sort of fear he had because he'd grown to love this life. but he gets reassured that he belongs because no one detects anything off about him. once while he was alone with martian manhunter he'd asked him to read his mind and tell him what he was thinking of. sasuke tried showing him his old life, his old home, his family but martian manhunter had just told him that he wasn't thinking of anything. it's like the tradeoff of being in this new life was that his old one was no longer congruent with reality.

i definitely feel like sasuke struggles with that for awhile. that he's the only one that can continue to remember or mourn that world. so he tries his best to bring in and incorporate parts of that past to his new life. using recipes kakashi taught him to soothe his summons, using moves rock lee taught him, tracking techniques he'd seen kiba use, herbal medicines that sakura had developed, etc.

but despite all the healing that sasuke experienced i feel like there's a few things that cause him real distress. one of those is orochimaru. i don't fully agree with how naruto ended with regard to orochimaru, out of all characters i don't believe he deserved a redemption arc. sasuke's time with him in this verse was a lot darker than it was in naruto. his line of "i've learnt my lesson about following strange men who offer me things in exchange for my body" was definitely a thinly veiled admission of what he'd endured under orochimaru. that is that sasuke endured an unspoken sexual abuse or coercion under orochimaru. maybe orochimaru rewarded sasuke the same way he did many other officers by letting him (read: making him) engage in sexual relations because orochimaru views people the same way he does lab rats (the viewing people as lab rats is also why sasuke despises scarecrow because he reminds him too much of orochimaru's experimental nature) and that meant that his rewards for performing well were limited to food and copulation opportunities. there's this really great sasuke time travel fic that i highly recommmend that goes more into the sexual abuse trauma sasuke endured under orochimaru because it's a take that i've only ever seen one other time and it was that fic.

jason definitely does worry and deliberate over telling someone but sasuke had told him he was getting better. ultimately he decides to tell bruce about it and sasuke i think would hit a bit of a rough patch because this wasn't something he'd ever brought up in therapy or truly processed- hence his big reaction over the fear gas when "orochimaru" appeared. it's this that catalyzes sasuke confessing what occurred over the year he went looking for bruce and also about what had happened to him with orochimaru though sasuke refuses to acknowledge his name because sasuke doesn't want orochimaru to have the dignity of also existing in this new world.

ultimately i think sasuke settles in more. he has the realization about his sexuality he never had in his old life and basically just lives a fulfilling with his family that he finally let in. beyond this i'm afraid i don't really have much more inspiration but thank you so much for your interest!! i'm happy you enjoyed my weird little fic about sasuke being reborn as tim!!!

[kaija-rayne-author]

I finished Baldur's Gate 3 and immediately started another playthrough. Modded this time.

My polyam mod is definitely working and I'm apparently incapable of disappointing Karlach. So I guess I have a 5 way vs a 4. I was gonna Romance just the chaotic and evil leaning characters this go round.

Why do I have a feeling she's gonna end up hating this durge character of mine cause they're non-resistant? So, uh, probably gonna get my heart broken.

I've also been lovingly blessed with the flu because some selfish assholes seem to think giving immunocompromised people viruses is a great gift. /s (There are millions of immunocompromised people since covid, and even depression or anxiety makes you immunocompromised. I'm not a rare bird in that sense. If you're old or pregnant you're also immunocompromised. Surprise!)

I've been morbidly sick for 9 days and while it's slowly easing off, it's average that it takes me 6 weeks to fully kick influenza.

And our vaccinations were scheduled for this week. Because only older folks could get them before then.

I've watched Vox Machina during the days I could basically just stare at something, and gods, I really love it. Looking forward to the next season.

Hollyweird is finally figuring out D&D! It only took them, what, 30 plus years and gods know how many awful attempts at shows and movies?

Anyone know of anything else like it? I've seen the d&d movie, uh, 3x, and loved that too. (Yes, I'm aware of what critical role is, I have absolutely zero interest in watching them. Books, games, movies/shows, those I can enjoy, but watching someone else I don't know play a game I could be playing doesn't work for me.)

Anyway, sorry for the radio silence. I was sewing like a fiend for eldest's costume for Halloween. Partner has had both a major back surgery and a major mouth surgery just before getting sick. Then the kids and I got sick. The coughing is totally doing a great thing for partner's staples.

Yes, we asked the doc for tamiflu. No she didn't give it to us. And her secretary was a snarky ass about it. As if I ask for very much from them at all. Not impressed tbh. If I ask for something from my doc it's because I've researched it and feel it's actually necessary. I was pre-med ffs, and have medical adjacent degrees. I'm far from the regular person when it comes to things like that.

Uuuugh. Why can't people do others the simple gods damned courtesy of masking?

During the year most everyone was masking, everyone was healthier. Flu numbers were lower than they ever had been, cold viruses were low too. Why the fuck would anyone want to not mask after that example?

I'm historically sensitive to influenza for some reason. It takes me down hard and keeps me down for weeks. But even I didn't get the flu that year.

Why is knowingly getting others ill with your germs even remotely socially acceptable? Why?

Oh, right, 'muh feelings'. I have a panic attack every time I mask, and I still mask religiously every time I leave the house. I'm still always freaking sick because of other people's selfishness.

As a historian, I'll just say that this period of history will be judged incredibly harshly.

[catastrothy]

here is a little chronicle of my sickness journey btw. bc i feel like i need to write this down because its been hilariously awful lol

warning 4 gross stuff, oversharing, and me bitching, unsurprisingly

back in early august i got sick with what i thought was a cold. basic symptoms, fever, achiness, runny nose, etc. things are relatively normal at first, i've gotten sick dozens of times because i'm particularly prone to sinus and ear infections so i brushed it off

And Then The Hives Began.

all over my limbs and very rarely on my torso and neck. even had one on my face. at one point my throat got very itchy and i had a panic attack thinking i would get anaphylaxis for the first time in my life. thankfully i took a shitton of claritin + pepcid + benedryl and it kicked in fast enough that i was okay

i go to the local urgent care. the doctor is amazing and gives a shit and prescribes me some steroids + recommends i keep taking what i've been taking. tells me to follow up with my primary doctor and to come back if things get worse.

Things Continue To Get Worse.

i go to my primary doctor. she is not very helpful. i've been thinking of switching providers anyway because i'm moving and this has kind of solidified this decision because i'm told "well that's weird! just uhh. keep taking your antihistamines and don't go out in public. good luck :)" the only thing is its been a hot minute since i switched providers and i dont really remember what the process is like and i will inevitably get social anxiety about it.

this continues for a while. i'm managing, i feel like shit. but i am managing. now here comes the really gross part. this morning (9/15/23) i am chilling on my computer. i go to scratch my stomach, only to find... there is crust. around my belly button. why is my belly button so crusty? what? it turns out there is discharge of some sort coming from there. why? who knows! it's not too painful but between the fact my fever is now higher than it's ever been (although still a low grade one) and i have this unexplained discharge it throws me into one of the worst panic attacks i've had in a while. all the worst case scenarios (sepsis, my second greatest phobia besides anaphylaxis) are running through my head but i remind myself every time i've thought shit was mega fucked it turned out okay. mira also helps comfort me and im able to collect myself and go to the urgent care (again). also on top of this i have like 3 cold sores and my period going at the same time so i am extra suffering!!!!!!!!!!

the doctor there is again really understanding and wonderful. i love this woman. she tests me for flu, covid, strep, and mono. she says she tests for mono specifically because a lot of other doctors miss it and make patients suffer for no reason. all tests come back negative thankfully (or maybe unthankfully... because we still dont know what the fuck i got). she puts me on like 5 new different meds (antiviral, antibiotic, steroid, nausea meds, and an antifungal to help if i get a yeast infection while on the antibiotic). at this point i am genuinely wishing i could make this lady my primary doctor but alas, 'tis not to be.

i am now given 1 shot each of antibiotic and steroid. one in each butt cheek. my ass hurts so badly. sitting is vaguely uncomfortable.

i am given some gauze and also told to buy dial soap for the belly button infection. i go home and lay on the couch. and thus this is where we are now

also my electric company charged me like $200 for electricity which we do not have atm so thats a cool cherry on top

anyway moral of the story is that my immune system is garbage and i wish it attacked the virus instead of me <3