#social dynamics

[alwaysbewoke]

for the people who missed it the first time

[professorbussywinkle]

To the chronic people pleasers, and over apologizers, it can be important to keep in mind that the act of being overly apologetic, in terms of social structures, places you in a subordinated position within the power dynamic of a given social situation with someone, and people can and will exploit the fact that you believe you're in the wrong when you aren't, and therefore feel justified punishing or "correcting" your behavior in order to feel powerful and dominant over you within that social dynamic, don't give them that power, they will always misuse it

And also...other people having a negative reaction to your innocuous behavior has nothing to do with you and their feelings aren't your responsibility to manage, and if someone becomes frustrated with you because you did or said a thing, it almost always has nothing to do with what you did or said, and they were likely already frustrated in general bout some other shit before you said or did the thing that you believed was the cause of their frustration

You are fine

It wasn't anything you did

You did nothing wrong

Therefore you don't deserve to be punished in any way

Your needs matter more than other peoples at the end of the day

You can't pour from an empty cup

[thevirgodoll]

there’s quite a lot about companionship we take for granted. every menial task you share is special because sharing a responsibility you both hate is shouldering the burden. every little convo complaining about work or some girl that doesn’t like you strengthens trust. even if they disagree, that’s still someone to listen to.

having someone see every crater and crevice of you (good and bad, figuratively or literally) and having no disgust. the jokes you don’t quite understand why they find so funny is really an attempt at intimacy. the long conversations sharing about movies or music to listen to is them trying to let you in their world. even going out eating or virtually sitting on facetime.

we take all of those small things for granted... we should never underestimate how deep intimacy and closeness can go. how healing it is. the pure warmth of genuine connection (as rare as it is) always reminds me there is hope beyond explanation. a love that reminds me of the inexplicable nature of God’s love is the only love for me.

[blenderenvy]

People are always talking about the mom friend™ but what about the dad friend?

Your friend who makes relentless puns

dad jokes

Who is way to into a niche history facts

is kinda hot but only in a weird way

is pretty confused

Who spoils you with soda and candy

Who has nickname like squirt, kiddo, or son for all your friends

Not necessarily the smartest or wisest

Gives unnecessary and irrelevant wisdom

Doesn't always know what's going on, but knows they love you

Can't text normally

[titleknown]

I feel like this should be a must-read for basically everyone on Tumblr, because it explains so much about the problems with Tumblr activism, and really a lot of online activism in general, despite being written in the early 70s.

[screamingcrows]

Being burdened by the knowledge that you'll never be more than the mediocre member of your group is a terribly lonely and harrowing experience

[yowlthinks]

Numbers Game

Something happened today in the way of mixed age social group dynamic and I am still thinking about it. The key question I am still struggling with is what is better, what is healthier (for all the participants): segregate the participants by age with lower and upper limits, or just let everyone who wants to be part of the group be there? And then if we say "better", for whom exactly is it better?

A few days ago a massive GO fandom WhatsApp group was founded and pretty soon it swelled to nearly a 100 participants globally. Did you know you could reach 1500 (one thousand five hundred) unread messages in a group by just not looking at your phone for a couple of hours? Neither did I, but now I know. Anyway, it was lovely, just as this whole fandom is, and among all the one-liner chatter there were some really nice more in-depth discussions about life. It was a little overwhelming, but I liked it.

Now, the age of participants varied, you could see that straightaway, but that was not a problem, because it wasn't like there was anything in the discussions that you could not discuss with a teenager. But then today the inevitable question of "how old are you" came up and apparently some members were shocked to find out the age differences. When you're 36 and a 16 year old asks you "What are you doing here?", I'm not gonna lie, it stings a little.

You want to turn around and tell them that in those 20 years since you were their age you have not, in fact, disappeared. You still read and write fanfiction, enjoy a good meme and generally are allowed to have fun. Yes, even if you have a job, kids and all those other adult things. Especially, because you have all those other adult things and they weigh on you, but you are still you and it is good to remember that. You want to turn around and scream that you are not "old and boring". That you need that little happy corner to dive in and let yourself go happily unhinged over fictional characters. And you have every right to do it.

But then I guess, if you are 16 and you have this fandom where you run away from school, parents and teen angst, you want to have this as your own world. You think people who are in your fandom are essentially all more or less like you. And finally someone understands, someone knows your suffering!! And when it turns out that apparently there are people closer to your parents' age enjoying these same things, well, it feels like a betrayal. Like some sort of spies infiltrating your fortress of happiness, and you want to turn around and shout at them. How dare they take this from you?! You are already going through so much, and now these old boring people dare to steal this one happy thing from you?!

The thing is, Internet is great at mixing people and bringing them together. And fandoms are a place where discussions happen, which wiuod never happen in real life. And to get those discussions, it is good to have different perspectives, and yes, this diversity includes diversity of age.

It is also good for teens to know that life does not end after 20, or 30 or 40. Or even 50, or 70. Life only ends when you die. And there is noone who should police what you enjoy as long as you are doing this without harming others. You do realise that the first modern fanfiction authors are pushing 70 and 80 now, and can you honestly tell me that these people suddenly lost their ability to imagine and enjoy the things they love? I bloody well hope not, because being ale to enjoy what you love is what makes life worth living. It is just a little uncomfortable to think your gran is probably not averse to reading or at least imagining Kirk/Spok stories in her head, yeah, probably saucy ones too. This thought doesn't really fit the narrative, so you push it away. But knowing that it is possible, makes the thought of being an old person a little less scary. "I will still be me".

Anyway, long story short, there is now a separate group. It is smaller and also devoid of stickers (did you know WhatsApp has stickers?! I had no clue, I don't know if it is a generational or cultural thing, but whatever), and I hope it will be a joyful place and full of discussions.

That "what are you doing here?" still stings a bit. But I guess, it is the right thing to let the teens have space wherever possible, they are going through it all, so let them be.

And hey, look at me, having fun on Tumblr, coping with being in my mid-30ies so well.

[aritany]

Hi. You wrote this masterful prompt:

a compelling dynamic: character A who needs to be asked if they’re ok and will not bring it up first vs character B who needs to be the one to bring up that they aren’t ok and will not respond truthfully if asked

I just realized I resonate with the potential B so much, where is my A so I can ask them if they're OK

you know, anon, the funny thing about this dynamic is that in hindsight it’s such a ridiculously toxic set up that it’s bound to fail. a delicious concept for fiction, sure, but do you want a character A?

i actually didn’t even remember when this was from, and i had to go hunt for the post in question and parse out what i was talking about from the tags. turns out, it was real life, a few years ago, and with space between then and now (and healthier dynamics between) i’ve come to know that loving a character A in real life is messy.

messy: it cannot be your responsibility to constantly read the minds of your loved ones. you can’t be character B and never character A.

messy: if you find yourself living character B’s role, expected to know, expected to know when to ask, at fault if you don’t, at fault if you do ask but you’re too late to not be resented for the time it took you to notice there was something wrong, you will never win. you will never know the rules, and you will never be able to successfully play the game.

messy: be character B for someone once. twice, even. three times, if you love them desperately.

but ask yourself if you ever get to be character A. ask yourself if you’re ever asked if you’re the one who’s not okay. ask yourself if you are given grace for not knowing, not knowing to ask. ask yourself if you’re okay with it.

so you ask: where is your character A?

growing, hopefully

[alwaysbewoke]

[professorbussywinkle]

I do believe in social progress for mental health and breaking the stigma surrounding it, but then I see hordes of tiktokers obsessively pathologizing strangers behaving in awkward ways, who have atypical or non-normative demeanors/affects, and then attribute things like narcissism and psychosis to them

and all the while believing that they genuinely understand the minutia, complexity, and gravity of these conditions, and how to accurately identify the observable traits that suggest the presence of these conditions with clinical precision, and then telling the people they arbitrarily ascribed these things to...

"yeah so...I know what psychosis and narcissism look like on a clinical level because I watch a lot of TikToks of people wearing lab coats sharing sound bytes and factoids about these things, so clearly you must just be some kind of crazy abusive bitch or something"

And I can't help but to wonder if this type of phenomenon is actively making people's perceptions of what mental illness really looks like unequivocally and categorically worse in every way imaginable

[omegaphilosophia]

Unveiling the Double-Edged Sword: The Intersection of Human Psychology and Manipulation

The field of human psychology has greatly advanced our understanding of people, shedding light on the intricacies of human behavior, cognition, and emotions. This enhanced knowledge has empowered us to comprehend individuals and connect on deeper levels. However, as our understanding has grown, so too has the potential for manipulation. In this thought-provoking blog post, we explore the double-edged sword of our continued understanding of human psychology. We delve into how this knowledge has made us better at understanding people while simultaneously amplifying the abilities of those who seek to manipulate others.

Unveiling Human Psychology: Advancements in the study of human psychology have unraveled the mysteries of our thoughts, motivations, and behaviors. Through rigorous research and scientific exploration, we have gained valuable insights into the complexities of human cognition, emotions, and social dynamics. This understanding enables us to empathize, connect, and communicate more effectively, fostering healthier relationships and promoting personal growth.

Empowerment through Awareness: As we uncover the intricacies of human psychology, we become better equipped to recognize and understand the motivations and behaviors of others. This awareness allows us to navigate social interactions with greater empathy, sensitivity, and respect. It enables us to forge deeper connections, foster meaningful dialogue, and build more inclusive and harmonious communities.

The Dark Side of Understanding: However, our enhanced understanding of human psychology has inadvertently created opportunities for manipulation. Those with nefarious intentions can exploit our psychological vulnerabilities, leveraging their knowledge to deceive, control, or exploit others. Manipulative individuals may exploit cognitive biases, emotional triggers, and social dynamics to gain power or advantage, causing harm to unsuspecting individuals.

Psychological Manipulation: Psychological manipulation refers to the deliberate and unethical tactics used to influence, control, or deceive others. Manipulators may exploit psychological principles, such as persuasion techniques, emotional manipulation, or gaslighting, to achieve their desired outcomes. Their actions can undermine trust, exploit vulnerabilities, and erode personal agency.

Safeguarding against Manipulation: While manipulation poses challenges, there are ways to safeguard against its harmful effects. Developing critical thinking skills, emotional intelligence, and a strong sense of self-awareness can help individuals recognize and resist manipulative tactics. Promoting ethical behavior, fostering open communication, and advocating for transparency and accountability are vital in creating a society less susceptible to manipulation.

Ethical Use of Psychological Knowledge: To counter the dark side of manipulation, it is crucial to promote the ethical use of psychological knowledge. Ethical practitioners, researchers, and educators can help disseminate accurate information, raise awareness about manipulation tactics, and empower individuals to make informed choices. By leveraging psychological insights for positive purposes, we can foster personal growth, enhance relationships, and create a more just and compassionate society.

Our continued understanding of human psychology has undoubtedly improved our ability to understand and connect with others. However, we must also confront the unsettling reality that this knowledge can be exploited by manipulative individuals. By raising awareness, promoting ethical use of psychological insights, and nurturing critical thinking, we can mitigate the negative effects of manipulation and build a society that values empathy, authenticity, and respectful communication. Let us harness the power of human psychology for the betterment of individuals and communities, fostering an environment where understanding and compassion thrive, and manipulation finds no fertile ground to grow.

[loki-zen]

addendum to the last post:

more often than not, for any situation I have been in that went down less than ideally there is a way of constructing/understanding the events such that my autism or ADHD is implicated somewhere. they affect so much about who i am and how i move through the world that this is inevitable, and they exist on a continuum with and cannot be separated from my individual perspective and personality.

This is also true of - for instance - my ASAB-and-socially-perceived-gender-complex. Whoever i feel like I am inside, things which stem from both my experience of having gone through the world in the body that i have, and from a history of consequently being perceived and socialised female, exist on a continuum with and cannot be cleanly separated from my individual perspective and personality.

If people want to blame things on my neurodivergences - be it to condemn us or exonerate me - they can construct a narrative for doing so. If I want to blame anything bad that has happened to me on the ways the world does not welcome me because of marginalised characteristics, I can do that too, and I usually won’t be entirely wrong.

But things are very multifactorial as well

. i don’t know, I think i lost track of where i was going with this.

I’ve found that it helps sometimes to examine how you’re thinking about a person (including yourself) being autistic (when assessing eg a social situation or how someone behaved) and consider how the shape of your thinking differs from a trait like ‘has three kids.’

There are so many traits you can have and so many factors that shape who people are and how they can behave

[tmarshconnors]

"Evil preaches tolerance until it is dominant, then it tries to silence good."

Archbishop Charles J. Chaput is an American prelate of the Catholic Church.

[craycraybluejay]

What is your opinion on taking a life in society? Any kind, punital justice, self defense, accidental, criminal, erotic, suicide, non-medical assisted suicide, euthenasia, etc. Do you think one is worse than the other, should they all be banned, or should they all be legal, etc? Personally I often think about it and how much double standard there are about murder. When a serial killer goes on a killing spree, they're a bad person, but when a corrupt cop (ACAB) gives them a death sentence, suddenly it's 'justice'. If it was merely the act murder itself that was wrong, then it couldn't ever be a way of justice. Sometimes even murdering your abuser could land you in jail, yet the only other alternative would've likely been being murdered or otherwise abused yourself. Killing your enemy durnig war is considered normal, even though they're just people too. You've all been dragged into an war that has been going back and forth. Perpetuating because both sides have to defend themselves from the other, and wanting revenge for previous attacks. Of course life isn't as simple and just stop having war, but war is also very pointless, so why does murder get a free pass then? Can murder every be justified? Is murder a morally neutral act? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Oh, also there is apparently a piece of land in bumfuck nowhere, USA where neither surrounding states or counties technically own legal jurisdiction over it so you could technically get away with crimes there. I forgot where it is, but Tom Scott has a video on it. I find it both very peculiar, surreal, and intruiging that such an occurance can happen.

Oooh very fascinating topic. I believe murder itself is very multivalent. And I will forever be pissed off that during wartime you can kill random ass people that may not even be a direct threat but if you kill your abuser who is a direct threat to your life you can be punished to hell and back. I think that's fucked up and goes to show how pro-abuse our society really is, among other things.

Punitive justice: no. But imo/ime better than glorified slavery and torture. Still not something I'd ever support but if I personally got convicted of a crime and sentenced I would find some way to push for death sentence bc hell to the no am I spending months, years, or life being treated worse than a slaughterhouse animal for any offense. No one deserves that. Except maybe Hitler.

Self defense: yes. It should be legally defended to hell and back to be able to kill someone who is an active threat to your life and livelihood. People should not be punished for choosing their life and safety over someone else's. It *should* be the way to protect yourself first and foremost. Obviously, don't kill someone if there's another way, but if you end up committing murder in self defense I believe that to be completely justified on your part. Like, is it fair? Maybe, maybe not. But it is justified because we cannot and should not expect or encourage people to simply lay down and die when they are under threat.

Accidental: idk about "justified" but definitely excusable at times. Accidents do happen, even deadly ones. Not much to say about this. I don't think a person's life should be ruined over an accident, I do however think that basic safety training/first aid/etc. is a must for everyone as to lessen accidental deaths.

Criminal: wildly dependent on why/how/circumstances. Did you kill someone just cause you thought it'd be fun or? Either way whether I agree with a specific murder or not I don't think it's anyone's place to deny someone their life for taking another's life, just as it isn't really anyone's place to take others lives in general. But sometimes push comes to shove and I can't speak for every situation bc I don't know it.

Erotic/consensual murder: this falls into category of consensual murder. Which, in my opinion, should be somewhat protected. Though of course there's the issue of faking or coercing consent so I think it's a complex issue but not one that society is all too ready to consider. I am of the opinion that people should be able to do what they want with their life and body, even if I wouldn't agree with it. It's a complex issue that deserves more consideration and conversation.

Suicide: same as previous pretty much but I'm a little more radically for it. I don't think people should be violated and forced to stay alive if they don't want to. Do some people regret it? Absolutely. Some people also regret not doing it. And I don't think regret is a viable political framework. Obviously, I think it's fine and good to give people real reasons to stick around and support your loved ones and community and discourage self harm/suicide. But I am staunchly against "saving" someone who has genuinely already decided (especially if you try to ressuciate someone who has done something that will effectively leave them unable to care for themselves/in a vegetative state), and in general against using coercive, abusive, and violating ways to physically prevent someone from having that option. Like involuntary psychiatry. Absolutely FUCK involuntary psychiatry. For people who aren't as actively suicidal, going through that hell can definitely be the last nail in the coffin and for those who are it's just a deeply dehumanizing and humiliating last stretch before they find a way to try again. Suicide should be an informed decision. Not a crime/"potential crime" that voids you of most or all of your basic human rights.

Euthanasia: I don't see why not. With consent from the person getting euthanized. Sometimes ur just done. It should be up to a person whether it May be Possible to get past constant suffering or not. Wildly big difference between "I'm in an abusive situation and I want to die right now but when I get older/earn enough from my job/etc. I might be able to get out and heal from it" and "I'm old and in constant pain and the meds have not been helping enough/in an abusive situation with no chance of an out/etc."

A lot of people argue that "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" but that argument falls apart immediately when some problems people have are not temporary. Some problems will last you the rest of your life. Sometimes it's a disability that you can go "I don't like living with this but I will" and other times you are in constant agony and it will be your whole life like that. So I think we need to reframe the way we see suicide as some irresponsible overreaction. It definitely CAN be, but it can also be an understandable and logical option. When slavery was the big American thing, slave suicides were a thing. And it wasn't because these people hated their situation *for right now.* Sometimes it was out of protest but other times it dawned out of the realization that things *weren't going to change or get better within their lifetime.* So I think the "temporary problem" argument is really immature and invalidating. And is very unfair to assume you know better about strangers decisions about something as big as taking your own life than themselves. Suicide rates aren't going up because of "irresponsible youth" and "we're not institutionalizing people enough." They're going up because our society is becoming more unliveable for more people. That's how the trends go. The statistics have an uptick the more that people get stuck in unsolvable situations that are often much bigger than just their own problem. So yeah. Discourage suicide when you can but also lend sympathy to people who are thinking about it, don't invalidate them. Often, if it's not a permanent problem your invalidation will just make them feel worse and more likely to try. And if it is, well, that's just a dick move that won't change the trajectory of their decisions but will make them feel more terrible. Let's be nice to suicidal people maybe. You know. How we should be to everyone else.

Cops killing innocent people and using their authority to get away with it is bad. Same with serial killing except serial killers don't abuse their social authority in the same way bc they don't have it.

Also the only place in the US I can think of like what you mentioned is Slab City. And i think it's a little more complicated than complete lawlessness (as in, iirc cops from nearby towns/cities sometimes come by and may have some power there). But generally this lawlessness does not result in mass murder, theft, etc., despite what many assume. As it turns out, most people are disinterested in randomly harming strangers for no reason. And even for those who are somewhat interested, lack of laws does not also wipe out social etiquette and the communal interest of living in peace. Most communities will oust you for doing harm, so even if you want to do harm it's in your best interest not to. Laws or not.