#someone asked me to make this so i decided to just post it publicly. ill look into doing more stuff like this in the future !

[v-anrouge]

Addressing and apologizing for the mistreatment and harassment i caused for @twstchatterbox

Long post under cut.

i’ve recently reached out to someone i have hurt a lot continuously due to my own selfishness; Rubia. i’d like to apologize to her. to make things brief we dated a system's alters and would all talk to each other multiple times a day because of it. Everything seemed to be going fine until one day Rubia reached out to me with a text warning me about the fact she'd be taking a mental health break due to her social battery being low, of course seeing that my first thought was panic and that surely ive done something terrible, despite her attempts to assure me that it wasn't the case. i blocked her because seeing her hurt me, and i was convinced i was right in the situation, and that Rubia was some heartless monster. i have gone out of my way for about two years now to spread rumors about her, participated in a hate club, went out of my way to ruin her friendships and isolate her, I was ruining her social life and it made me happy. It doesn't matter how I feel anymore because this is all my fault and I was disgusting.

I know i already sent you an apology but ill gladly do it again, even if you do not forgive me, because it's a totally understandable thing to do. Back when this happened all i could think of was myself, how sad i was how hurt i was and looking back on it i really feel just disgusted with myself and how i dared play victim when your note clearly showed you were not okay mentally, instead of being a good friend and wishing you a good recovery, i immediately treated you like you had betrayed me and completely disregarded everything you told me in that note. None of what happened was your fault, clearly if i had been cut off it was because i was also doing damage, and instead of apologizing i decided to treat you rudely, and i really truly do regret my actions. It's even more disgusting to take in the fact i continuously painted you as a terrible person when i check the way i answered to you reaching out and trying to be friends again, instead of asking for an explanation instead.

In the server i was in had two people who also constantly insulted and painted Rubia as a monster, one of them being the person she considered her internet little sibling at the time; hikaru and the other one is our ex, which id rather not mention. In that server we'd constantly talk about Rubia in a negative way that only served to make us dehumanize her even more, it started at first with simple venting made by hikaru because of the way they felt betrayed and hurt by being abandoned when they genuinely considered themselves siblings, then i joined in where we'd blame and insult Rubia for cutting us off completely ignoring the reasoning behind her decision, the system, who created the server then joined in, at first only expressing how they felt rubia didn't see them as a system but rather just as the alter she dated, painting their relationship as abusive and saying Rubia was causing the alter to almost go dormant. with our constant slander i only started to hate and see rubia in an even more negative light, which only made the way i talked about her with my friends worse. In these almost two years, ive demonized rubia in many ways, all because i was desperate to seem valid, ive hurt her in ways i know i will never be able to make up for, and any backlash i receive for this is more than deserved. Im posting publicly with her permission and supervision both out of respect for her, but also so you all can see the type of person i am, you can all feel free to block me and cut me off if you see fit, it was my own actions that brought this after all. And to Rubia; i know no matter how many times i say this that it'll never fix the ways i hurt your social life, but im truly sorry, i hope that one day you're able to get help and heal from the damage i've caused.

[shikai-the-storyteller]

UEUEUEUEUEUEU ILL SEND YOU THIS WHILE WAITING TO SEE BOBBYS STATUS.

Dw idm u answering publicly, I want everyone to be cursed w the thought that Rubius is a babygirl and a very bad one at that <3

Honestly I've only read a few explanations of their lore and bits about their relationship but they seem sooooo,,, /pos. Like they have such a fun and silly dynamic that has this air of toxicity and their loves feels quite self destructive bc rubius is kind of a destructive force of nature of a person who has a tendency to hurt those around him, perhaps as a defense mechanism or perhaps out of simply not understanding there are consequences to the things he does while vegetta is someone far too forgiving, he continues to love rubius despite how much he hurts himself, others, and vegetta himself. I'm not saying cubito rubius is an awful person but from what I've seen he is,,, complex. Difficult despite seeming silly. I could be just completely wrong tho LOL I am doin my best I prommy

ANYWAYS IM CHEERING U ON IN WRITING!!! I'd love to talk to u abt them more and learn more abt rubegetta bc like. Look. Theres no way q!vegetta isnt hung up on that demon idc,,,

I'm likewise waiting for the Eggstatistics (which will probably get posted while I'm in the middle of writing this) (EDIT: IT DID) and you gave me the opportunity to infodump so prepare for an essay LMAO

There are SO many layers to Rubius and Vegetta’s relationship (both romantic and friendship-wise), and that complexity makes them fascinating characters to study. I’ve been discussing this a lot in private lately, but I feel like there’s quite a bit of misinformation / misinterpretations of Rubius and Vegetta’s relationship amongst some of the newer fans who might not know some key components of their personality and their relationship dynamic as a whole (which is understandable since the majority of their lore came from Karmaland, and a lot of newer fans only speak English / only watch QSMP), so ALLOW ME TO ELABORATE:

I think of the two, Rubius definitely gets mischaracterized the most (which, again, maybe isn't too surprising since not everyone watched Karmaland and he hasn't been on the QSMP server too much lately). I could go off on a tangent here and list my frustrations about the people who harassed him for his role / his actions during the Egg event / whining about ships to the point where he decided not to log into the server again ‘til the Egg event is over, but that's ultimately irrelevant to this discussion.

“Their love feels quite self-destructive” is a really good way to sum things up, because Rubius is a pretty self-destructive man. Rubius is, fundamentally, a man who is full of love for the people he cares about, but those feelings are in direct conflict with his reluctance to let people get close to him (and his commitment issues). He can freely give hugs and kisses (and more) to Vegetta, but when it comes to expressing his true thoughts and feelings, he’s pretty emotionally constipated. We’ve already seen this a few times on the QSMP server – when Rubius visits on Vegetta’s birthday, he sings him the most beautiful heartfelt love song ever, but as soon as it’s over and Vegetta tries to talk to him, Rubius runs away. Even in Karmaland V, when hooked up to a lie detector and asked about his feelings for Vegetta, Rubius tried to wiggle his way out of answering. Only when the world was literally ending and they all thought they were gonna die did Rubius finally admit his feelings, shouting his confession and his love for Vegetta at the top of his lungs.

(The real tragedy here is that it was so chaotic with everyone shouting, Vegetta never heard his words…)

Although it’s easy to slap the label “toxic” on Rubius, I think that’s unfair to him and his character, as well as his intentions. He truly does love Vegetta with all his heart, in every universe, and he doesn’t want to hurt him, but Rubius doesn’t want to get hurt either. The Meteor shower conversation gives us a clear understanding of that:

Rubius: I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to get my hopes up, and then get hurt. It's happened to me many times before. Especially here in Karmaland. Vegetta: Have you had lovesickness? Rubius: Yes. In Karmaland, everywhere, in real life... I'm already used to getting beaten. Vegetta: That's a pity... Rubius: I just want someone to take care of me, and that's it. I don't ask for much. Vegetta: I'm very protective.

The way I see it, Rubius is afraid of his feelings for Vegetta, because the larger his love grows, the larger that potential for hurt and disappointment gets. Does this excuse all his actions? No, of course not, however there’s a big difference between doing something out of self-preservation (possibly as a trauma-response, depending on how you interpret his character) and doing something with the intent to hurt someone.

IMO, Rubius isn’t a toxic guy, he just needs therapy.

Vegetta doesn’t get mischaracterized quite as often, though I do feel like people have a tendency to put him on a pedestal and minimize the flaws he has. I’m a massive Vegetta fan, but this guy’s far from perfect. He’s self-centered, borderline narcissistic sometimes, and he’s a very prideful man. He’s never left Rubius at the altar, but he’s still had his fair share of “oopsies” and "yikes" in their relationship. One (which I’m surprised people don’t talk about more) is an incident from Karmaland IV where Vegetta, very unhinged and mentally unstable at the time, kidnapped Rubius’ wife Nieves and threatened her with a sword, saying, “If Rubius can’t be mine, he can’t be anyone’s.”

For the longest time I genuinely thought that line came from a fanfic or something, then I stumbled upon the clip one day and I was just like:

Anyways

In Karmaland V, Rubius became very close with a little alien child named Titi. He took care of Titi like he was his own son, and despite his attempts at emotionally distancing himself early on so he wouldn’t get attached, Rubius wound up caring a lot for him.

Then Titi died.

It was basically Rubius’ worst nightmare come to life – he’d let himself get close to Titi, he’d loved him unconditionally and let Titi into his heart, and Titi’s death utterly destroyed him. Everyone in Karmaland was affected by the death, but Rubius took it especially hard because of how close they were. Rubius was hurting badly and resorting to terrible coping strategies to deal with the pain, and Vegetta…

Well. Vegetta wasn’t very nice about it.

There are a lot of ways we could interpret Vegetta’s actions and words during this time – maybe he’s not super sensitive when talking about death since he’s probably some kind of demigod, maybe he speedran the grieving process, maybe he thought brutal honesty and direct action would help Rubius “snap out of it” sooner. However you see it, ultimately it did a lot more harm than good for Rubius’ overall mental health.

I bring these examples up not to paint their relationship as toxic or negative, but rather to express just how complex it is. Because, despite all their mistakes and drama and heartbreak, at the end of the day, Rubius and Vegetta still love each other more than anything else. Even towards the end of Karmaland V when they were quite literally on opposite sides of the battlefield (one supporting Quackity, the other supporting Luzu), their true loyalties lay with one another. When Rubius was hit by an enemy, Vegetta defended him with his life, and when Vegetta was hurt, Rubius did the same.

Yes, Rubius doesn't really know how to handle healthy relationships, and yes, Vegetta tends to forgive him too easily, but that doesn't erase the love they have. The key we need to remember here is that Rubegetta is a telenovela that sits squarely in the romcom category. They may wander into other genres and tropes from time to time, but they will always gravitate back to one another. Whether you define that as fate or soulmates or just sheer dumb luck, the facts remain and the love is there.

PHEW anyways that felt good to get out, I have so many thoughts on Rubegetta so I appreciate the excuse to rant. I'm always happy to chat about these two! :D And you're so right - Vegetta is so smitten for that demon, I hope he gets to meet the angel too. I hope Rubius comes back soon so Vegetta can see his Osito Fiu Fiu, but in the meantime, we'll have to keep wishing and praying just like Vegetta...

(ALSO THANK YOU the current chapter of that dang Rubegetta fic is kicking my butt rn because it's the only chapter I didn't outline and life events keep interrupting me when I try and work on it, but it IS getting chipped away at bit by bit! I hope folks enjoy the outcome when it's released :D)

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

Re: discussing fan works publicly.

As a writer, I imagine coming across a post on my dash at random, of people openly criticising a fic I’ve written and the thought makes me feel ill. I think it would genuinely stop me from posting my work, maybe not permanently but for a long time.

As a reader, I’m so grateful people post fics at all. I’d be mortified if I saw people shitting on a fic I love on social media.

I think if a work is problematic and you’ve already commented to ask the author to tag appropriately or make changes and it’s gotten you no where, and you’re posting a PSA to warn people in the fandom who will be affected by the work to tread carefully, then yeah I can see how that would be necessary.

But I personally think it’s unnecessary to make a post mentioning a fic or author with comments like “yeah this fic needed to be beta read” or “this author writes this character soooo OOC” or “this character would NOT do that” or “look at this fic why would anyone ship this lmao”.

Feels like this really could just be in the DMs or a group chat or discord server where the author won’t come across it. Obviously yeah, people can post whatever they want on their blogs, but do people want to be the reason a fanfic author decides to never write again?

I’m like you. If I don’t like a fic, I just tap out. I don’t even complain about it in DMs because what if the other person enjoys it? I’m not taking that away. Just because it’s not my cup of tea doesn’t give me the right to stop someone else drinking it. The most I’ll ever do is block or mute an author on AO3 so I don’t accidentally read their works again.

These aren’t published books people are writing where public criticism is expected and encouraged. This is fanfiction written completely unpaid, usually unedited, specifically to share with a very selective fandom space.

There’s a level of vulnerability to all writing, but fanfic writers in particular, I would say most (if not all of us) choose to share our fics online because we trust fandom to be kind.

If people wanna post about their “honest thoughts” of a fic on social media, writers can’t stop them, but, god I hope y’all are being kind.

Hey ship! Thanks for weighing in on this! I appreciate your point about people being afraid to post if they hear negative criticism. Sorry for my delay, it's been a busy week. Yeah I think it's definitely a hard balance. We don't want to discourage people from writing, for sure. Writing is a gift! No one's being paid to write fanfiction.

From what I've heard from other people this week after my question was that it seems like there's a balance in terms of criticism on a specific fic. If you have a pairing that is very common, then if you write vaguely about not liking a pairing/fic it doesn't usually cause stress because it's not clear who's it is and it could be anyone. In general, it sounds like if someone wants to talk about something in a fic that bothers them, it is fine as long as they're not tagging the author/fic-- but generally just don't be a dick about it. Where it sounds like some wrinkles come in is if a pairing doesn't have a lot of fics attached to it. Then if a pairing is mentioned, it's much easier to deduce which fic it is, and then the writers may feel bad and it may seem more like a passive aggressive move. I think where it gets even more hairy is if we're not even talking about fics, we're talking just about pairings. Like I really love discussing the implications of specific pairings because I find it very useful to understand why someone might find it endearing. I'll be hard pressed to ever be pulled from my OTP but sometimes discussing pairings can help me to like a pairing I didn't like before, or just understand where people are coming from. (That's how I feel basically about all conversation, I like listening and learning from people, even if I don't necessarily agree by the end of it, being able to understand other people's perspectives help me to grow as a person, so I do think it's important to talk about things). Again though, where it seems like some of the struggle with that is if you've got a pairing (I'm going to crack ship Jackie and Buttons for this example) that isn't very common, again, it could seem like you're coming off as criticizing a fic when you may just be criticizing a pairing in general. It seems like there's a delicate balance-- because yeah I absolutely never wanna make anyone feel bad about their writing-- and like you said, writers trust that their fellow fans are going to be kind (and I never wanna betray that trust!). If they ask for feedback/ constructive criticism I'm happy to dm about it if it will help, but I don't want to make someone feel bad about their writing in general. We are all just having fun here. It does also seem like there are a lot of different perspectives when it comes to what is allowed feedback wise in fandoms, and so it seems like airing on the side of caution is a good way to go. All that being said-- if anyone ever wants to talk about things and they arent sure if what they say will be hurtful please feel free to dm me! I might be slow to respond depending on my capacity at home at the moment but i"m happy to talk it through. Also-- if I ever commit a faux pax or make someone feel bad please let me know! I never want to make people feel bad (and I try my best not to!), but I understand I'm an imperfect being like the rest of us so feedback is something I appreciate too. We all come from different levels of trauma... experience...neurodiversity, sometimes we won't say the right things from a place of ignorance, and one of the things I've appreciated over the years is when people were kind enough to give me constructive feedback about that. Anyway, thank you so much again for weighing in ship! Hope you're hanging in and have a lovely long weekend coming up! (if you're in the US, idk if the rest of the weekend is getting a day off)

[cupcraft]

I think why it's important to support victims too is the reality of being a victim is that not everyone is going to have collected the evidence that ppl always ask for (and even then people always say the evidence is fake/not good enough).

Like I wont get too personal on details bc im not comfortable with that, but I want to use myself as example for my point because I don't want to speak for other people's experiences.

I was a victim of emotional abuse from a friend group for years that i only very recently went no contact with 1 year ago just about (2 ppl in the group specifically the most). And I didn't collect screenshots. I didn't collect video/recording (and even if i planned to thats illegal in my state without their consent). And for a lot of that relationship though I suffered and was in a bad place I never really quite realized it was abuse until I got out and had someone some else give me a wakeup call. And I currently still have no plans to report it or go through legal trouble with it personally (for reasons not important to this post's point.

And why I say this is because when I share my story with people I'm close to all I have is my word. My word of the things they did to me. My word on how the abuse was subtle, how I knew from a tone of voice if I'd get in trouble with them. How they'd belittle me under the guise of jokes and "game lobby culture". Etc.

And so when you think all victims need to come with you with a mountain of evidence you're really saying you won't believe people at their word which is my reality and many other people's realities for any type of abuse and harm. At the end of the day you're going to trust me or not if you're someone I'm comfortable enough telling my story to. At the end of the day you're going to see the post and decide if I'm making shit up or not.

Of course I wish I had scs of things for many reasons, but even then a lot of my experiences were verbally related with no recording (some of which is subtle anyway ill get into that in a second) The angry comments on Instagram I got were quickly changed while I was too panicked to sc them at the time. A lot of my texts were over kik of which never saved the history.

Sometimes people's words are going to have to be enough for people because that's all you're going to have. Because when you say evidence is important you're really saying that I expect every person in a situation to: know they're a victim, and once knowing theyre a victim collect evidence (even if that evidence collection could harm the victim/or isnt possible) and to somehow make sure that evidence is enough for people, plus be able to have evidence for abuse that is publicly subtle.

And on another point this expectation doesn't really cover how abuse can sometimes be so fucking subtle. You know? How can you explain to people how a tone of voice is a part of the abuse? How can you explain something that could be a joke between friends wasnt a joke in that situation and a part of the torment? How canyou explain to someone when they say something normal its the smile that tells you its belittling/anger? Like even if I had a believable recording of the interaction for the smile example, like it may not be noticeable to you because thats the pt in why its so fucking subtle! you're just gonna have to trust ppl when they know something is sinister or not idk how to explain this. How do we collect evidence for the things that are so subtle and innocuous and meant to fly under the radar in public?

So when people tell you to check your victim blaming rhetoric this is part of the reason why.

You may reblog this btw and you free to rb with additions of your own too this is an important and open conversation. And before it's said this is not specifically about any one situation it's something I've wanted to write about for a while based on both fandom experiences, irl experiences, and just witnessing how abuse victims are treated in various situations. So it's not a vague.

[artificial-absinthe]

Crazy, how you ask for understanding and end up being slightly vilified by the entitled ppl who are too lazy to litteraly tag a post...

Btw great point with ooc tag. I'd also love it. I'm just scared of rebloging your post as it seems whenever you want personalization, you may be seen as queer fobic and the worst evil, while it's just a preference to see the canon. Like litteraly ppl don't get that if they'd start making Megatron in green colours just because they like it, the ooc tag would be nice too.

But of course it's a gender thing so ppl will get offended... and I'm saying this, being in favour of your post, and being fuken queer... It's just sad, cause it's always going to the "oh consider xyz because we feel offended" while the op requesting this may be the nicest ally or queer themselves. But because their bubble is touched, they can't understand that they pierce your bubble as well, in the end turning into the conservative thinking of "I'd not tag my post, cause my idea is more important, or it makes me happy, so fuck you I'm free citizen, and allowed to do what I want"... and then they try to say, they are the opened, inclusive ones... while their thinking is litteraly the same as those, they oppose. It's just funny to me... how ppl just can't take a simple, kind request... they need to go balistic on both sides over it, as I'm also disapointed with those who just ran to harras the person... they are also guilty of asshole type of thinking... It's just sad how even in seemingly progressive place, there are still so many "conservative thinking" assholes...

Eh sorry for the long ramble. Just wanted to tell you, that you're not alone with this thinking. Just wanted to let u know, even that I know you'd say you don't care if someone agrees or not. But still, thank u for this post. Maybe it will change something for the better despite countless idiots who can't take a request like a civilised human beings...

No need to apologize at all. You absolutely understand it all and make very accurate and relevant points, and I totally agree with you.

I didn't even knew that this was still going. I figured some people had, though begrudgingly, accepted to use a tag, and some others would flood the Megatron tag with their occ content without a tag to filter out of spite (exactly with the mindset that you described), because people speaking ill of me doesn't even come to tell me directly, perhaps because they know I genuinely won't be affected by their hate and misplaced adjectives, and so I only know of this when someone else tells me.

On the other hand, while I do not crave for understanding, it's very nice that the people who agree with me voice it, because this request and pointing out is not only for me, but also for everyone else who is tired of the OCC thing flooding the content about a character.

Indeed, you are not the only one who has said this to me, and even before I made that request I had held conversations about how people was tired of it, but also feared voicing it because they, like yourself, were wary about getting the "queerfobic" hate. Which is no more than a shield that people abuse of whenever someone disagrees with their headcanons or anything else. That way they make themselves to be "on the right" and rally sympathizers to share their grudge with and attack the ones disagreeing with them. Which is a very unbecoming thing to do, and I wish they just acknowledged the reasons for what they are. (In this case, not everyone likes mischaracterization/Occ content. Period)

Thus, I decided to be the one to voice it, but it would be good that all the anons and people agreeing with me in private would do it publicly, without being haters themselves as some had been (which was counterproductive, actually), because that way it could be taken seriously and only for what it is... Perhaps... hopefully.

Of course I'm not saying that I don't appreciate that you say it also like this, since I understand that not everyone can be as cold as myself.

[sunlessys]

Sunless/Sol 🌕 he/him, ey/em

🌑 Plural system of 15+ with median tendencies that make counting hard

Collectively we are mostly men, with exceptions.

NO HOSTS NO GODS NO MASTERS

Frequent Fronters: 🫀 Angel, 🔥 Bren, 👁️ Loid, 🌿 S, 🩷 Nobody Flinch

Other Fronters: 🌌 Asch, 💜 Tal, ⚔️ Nicky, 🐦‍⬛ Mo, 🌹 Orpheus

This blog is a catch-all for anything we as a system want to put on it! This includes fandom stuff, personal posts, writings & ramblings, things we tag each other in, things we relate to, & system positivity!

Angel has its own blog @angelsaspect!

Follows from @streetsandsodiumlights, which started as Asch’s blog but which we use as a general catch-all!

More info below the cut!

About us:

Queer, aroace, polyam, 26

Autistic, ADHD, psychotic

Out as a plural system offline

Functionally multiple

Fairly private about any details we share with people who aren’t already trusted friends. These things include names, introject sources, trauma, mental illnesses, exact number of system members, etc. We may choose to never share some things, even when directly asked.

Unfamiliar with 99% of the terms people use to describe their systems online >.>” as a result the words we use for ourselves might seem vague or strange to you. These words are still important to us, and we won’t be changing them to be more specific.

We prefer not to use system roles or label people too heavily, though sometimes individuals choose to identify with a role for their own reasons. We’re trying to abolish “host” as a role at all in our system because of the power imbalance it causes, so we don’t refer to anyone as a “host” publicly!

Interacting with others:

Open to DMs, conversations, and friendships! Plurality is a fascinating topic to discuss with likeminded people. We are also disability advocates and passionate enjoyers of so many forms of art. Maybe we have interests in common! We would love to find out 💖

Friends can have our Simply Plural if they want! We do a good job of keeping fronts updated there and nowhere else.

We might not follow back! It’s not personal, we just curate our dash carefully <3 syscourse in particular, and any topic that suggests syscourse, is something we’re very sensitive and careful about. If we see too much and can’t filter it out, that’s not gonna work for us.

We are 26 years old and prefer not to interact with people under 17! You can follow if you like, but we won’t follow back or have any conversations.

byf: we are a traumagenic system, but we are extremely endo-friendly. we block any syscourse we see on our dash and will not hesitate to block friends or mutuals who put it there too frequently to avoid. this is a hard boundary.

we do not interact with “endos dni” content because we don’t want to see even the vague shape of syscourse in the water. the most we will say on the subject is: the world is a vast and beautiful place and science barely understands the mind. what gives me the authority to say something different from myself can’t exist? who am I to decide that someone else’s lived experiences are or aren’t real? how could I live with myself if I walked up to strangers on the internet and told them they were doing irreparable damage by merely saying “I exist, and I want to exist, and here is what that means to me”? I won’t do that and I won’t get along with people who do. thank you in advance for respecting this.

[playingonedchess]

i have an essay i need to do for uni. sometimes after spending too long on tumblr, i think, i could literally just go around pretending im gay? how problematic do you reckon that would be? but then i might be expected to actually kiss a guy, and id have to say i just dont find them attractive. except that would never happen cause no one would find me attractive in the first place, so i could probably get away with it. do you think id get a public callout video on tiktock? although i wwouldnt see it cause ive never used tiktock so someone would have to tell me. i could print it out and tape it to my cv. then the interviwer would ask why i did it and id say i was actually gay and in denial and it was an excuse, and theyd believe me but id be lying again. and theyd feel sorry for me so theyd offer me the job even though im shit at everything and id get a ticktock and post a video about it with a link saying donate here to kill puppies and kittens and so many people would donate that id become a billionaire and richer than elon musk and id offer a bounty to anyone who managed to get elon musk to make a tiktok where he cosplays as a 2010s tumblr user but id also secretly bribe him to eat mouldy anchovies every day and then someone would missread the post and catch him in a pitfall trap full of burning oil and fire eating poisonous snakes, except that this was actually what i intended all along, and the last visdeo he made before dying will go viral and people will be cutting bits out and selling it as the new edgy currency for rich weirdos but then ill post a video starting a conspiracy that he isnt actually dead and he came back as a shapeshifting flesheating zombie and he wants to eat your eyeballs. except he really is dead, but people dont know that, and it starts a mass panic where they buy hand sanitiser cause they believe it repells zombies except this isnt true either i also made it up in the bestselling book i wrote called Hand Sanitiser Repells Zombies and its actually about how to piss the largest amount of people off online by pretending to be gay but no one bothered to read it so they dont know that. and then i admit that im actually not gay and this starts online discourse so heated itt ends up on the streets, and then i post a video saying that actually i am gay, but no one believes me and this starts even more discourse that ends in nuclear war. and this triggers the zombie apocalypse and everyone dies except for me cause they all believe that hand sanitiser repells zombies. and then i sit in my room and reflect on the fact that i still havent done my essay and im still not gay. i make a video about it and post it on tiktock and it goes viral with the zombies. the zombies are all gay now, and they also all believe they live in an anime. they decide to cancel me as the only person in the world now who isnt gay, and then when i refuse to publicly apologise they tie me to a nuclear bomb and lauch me into space. just before i explode, i make a video explaining how i just realsed, life is an anime. and its the first thing i havent lyed about since i first pretended to be gay. then i explode. then the zombies decide to ressurrect elon musk and worship him as their messiah, but their cars all explode on the way to the airport so they decide to go with margaret thatcher instead. at this point, everyone is just wondering when it will end, and the answer is never.

[canonlgbtcharacters]

Trans and genderfluid characters in kid-friendly cartoons (Compilation)

BMO - Adventure Time - Genderfluid - BMO uses both he/him and she/her pronouns, and is referred to as “m’lady” by finn at one point. He is directly said to change gender depending on the game hes playing / the mood hes in here ! I haven’t watched adventure time so I can’t attest for how much his gender identity means in the grand scheme of things, but hes a really cute character and good representation IMO. Other rep: Princess Bubblegum is WLW, and Marceline is bi / pan. Hints were dropped for a long time that the two were dating, and it was happily confirmed in the series finale when they kissed.

All the gems - Steven Universe - Nonbinary - Steven Universe is a beacon for nonbinary representation. Rebecca Sugar, the creator of the show and herself a nonbinary woman, has stated that all gems have no gender, though almost all of them present femininely. While some people don’t consider this adequate rep since the gems still look feminine and use she/her pronouns, I think it’s more than adequate - it is made specifically by a nonbinary woman based on her experiences as a nonbinary woman. There are also a few characters who use they/them pronouns. Specifically, Stevonnie, Smoky Quartz, and Rainbow Quartz 2.0. All are fusions (this should help if you don’t know what fusion is) that involve the main character, Steven (a boy.) Stevonnie is between him and his friend Connie (a girl), while Rainbow Quartz 2.0 and Smoky Quartz are between him and NB gems. It is safe to assume that Sunstone, another Steven/gem fusion, also uses they/them. Other rep: Of course, there’s Sapphire (NB lesbian) and Ruby (NB lesbian), who are in a relationship and make up the character Garnet. They are very explicitly in love and even got married in a more recent episode !! Rose Quartz (NB and bi / pansexual) and Pearl (NB lesbian) once had a relationship that is widely considered to have been mostly unhealthy, due to (among many other reasons) Pearl still obsessing over Rose years after her death. Getting over Rose is a big part of Pearl’s character arc. There’s also an episode that’s mostly dedicated to Pearl working up the courage to get a cute girl’s number, and a LOT more. This entire show is basically built upon LGBT+ relationships and metaphors, and it isn’t even subtext.

Zadie and Milo - Danger and Eggs - Trans woman and nonbinary - This show has 13 episodes and two trans characters. The first is a young trans girl named Zadie, who explicitly sings about being a trans girl (that is, unfortunately, the best link I can find) and who also talks about chosen families (a concept very important to LGBT+ people) at some point in the show. As far as I know, she makes her appearance in the season finale. The other is Milo, a nonbinary teen who uses they/them pronouns and is kind of rare NB rep in that they are entirely human and not a robot or alien. They appear in multiple episodes and have an important role as a friend to the main characters. Both are played by trans people, too ! Zadie by a trans woman, and Milo by an agender person. I haven’t seen this show in its entirety but from what I have I’d say this is top-notch rep that I’d highly recommend children see. Other rep: I don’t think there’s any other specifically named LGBT+ characters, but the last episode literally takes place at a pride parade !

Marco Diaz - Star vs. the Forces of Evil - Trans woman - While this isn’t confirmed, there is a buttload of evidence to support the idea that Marco is a trans woman who hasn’t discovered / fully accepted her identity yet, or at least hasn’t come out to her friends and family. If you’re interested in learning more, I’d highly suggest reading this whole post. I’d also like to take note of this piece of concept art that is literally a doll based on Marco with trans colors and the trans flag on her purse. Apparently the show recently ended, I haven’t seen much of it myself, but I really think that the writers did the best they could to give us a closeted trans girl while under the iron fist of Disney. Other rep: Star (the main protagonist) is bi/pan (evidence in the link.) Jackie, a supporting character, is bi and gets a girlfriend by the end of the show. Starfan13, who is WLW, has explicitly stated she has a crush on Star Butterfly.

So this is what I could come up for for this list ! There is, unfortunately, a notable lack of representation for trans individuals in cartoons. But every lovingly-portrayed trans character is a small victory that I’m happy to celebrate. If anyone has anything to say about these characters, or can think of anymore trans cartoon rep I didn’t list, please feel free to add on !

[hanako-san]

In the 7 years since I have been here, I have never done such an analysis or made any theories. Now, I'm going to make a post like this for the first time, and I really hope that I was able to convey everything I wanted to you. I have been planning this post for a long time, I even did an analysis on Twitter, but I did not publish it publicly, but now I decided to finally write what I think from the beginning. I hope I made it. I am not going to call my boy "Hanako" but Amane. This is his real name and I intend to use it rather than his nickname.I am asking for your understanding too and hope you like it.

--------------------------X-------------------------------------------------

I wrote that Amane's plan is bad. And it is true. I don't support this but there's more to it that I believe Amane's plan just wouldn't work

4-year-old Tsukasa sacrificed himself for his older brother.

Personally, I think the chapters from Tsukasa, they gave us more questions,I also there is one answer in his situation. It confirms my suspicions that the plan he created will not work.

We know Amane was terminally ill. Tsukasa to console his brother and bring various gifts to make Amane feel better. All the gifts were from a mysterious evil supernatural that was in their house and fulfilled the wishes for various life animals.

Tsukasa last wish was the health of Amane, and he wanted to extend his life by giving up his own.

He did it because he was desperate to keep Amane healthy, he also thought it was okay because Amane hated him because he was angry with him Tsukasa could have fun all the time. Amane was just jealous. Tsukasa was asking him "do you love me?" he got "Of course" in response, and Amane consoled his brother. Tsukasa understood that Amane hated him, which is a misunderstanding. So he thought it was okay, and that Amane could pursue his own dreams.

Kou tries to convince Tsukasa that what he did made Amane and his family unhappy. He still didn't see anything wrong with that because "Amane hates me"

Kou cannot stand and tells him that Amane died at the age of 13! There by making Tsukasa aware that his sacrifice was in vain because Amane had died.

I believe that Amane's plan wouldn't help Yashiro because she would have died and thus wouldn't extend her life.I mean, it might have prolonged her life, but death could have died in a few years anyway.

I think that Teru was trying to make Amane aware that this was a wrong solution and that he would finally understand it. He did it.

Teru confirms it in disgusting way. So I believe or want to believe that Minamoto was bluffing with killing Nene to make Amane realize it was a ridiculous idea.

I really don't think Amane wants Aoi dead.

He said there was no other way for him to save Nene's life. What can be suggested is as a last resort and use of what happened. It is not entirely appropriate to call Amane "culprit" because Aoi's life has been cut off.

I would like to remind you that the Aoi standing on the far shore began to fall apart. If she had been there, it would have fallen apart for good or would have been eaten up.

Amane is not as emotionless as it seems. After all, he was there for her and talked to her, while protecting her, He had a purpose. Aoi had to become one of them that would help her survive as well.

I also believe it because Mitsuba had to become supernatural to keep him from disappearing.It is known that Tsukasa wanted someone in the seven mysteries , but it seems like he would really disappear even as a pure spirit.That's why I think it is similar with Aoi. I believe Amane wanted to help Aoi and extend Nene's life at the same time.

Here, too, I had this "ftw, what are you doing?" after analyzing and reading it for the hundredth, I believe he had the purpose of attacking him first, and it seems to me that it has to do with his power.

I wasn't surprised here. As I wrote in my first post, he had a plan and was not going to withdraw.I know it looks bad, but doing it for Nene was desperate. He had no other plan, so he decided to use what fate had given him. Same as Tsukasa did for Amane.

He has proved many times that he says and thinks differently. He cares for Kou and Nene are precious to him, yet his words are often cruel.

then we get a perfect arc picture where Shijimama says it

He was unable to destroy this world, preferring to pretend and later return to the real world without her so that she could live. Everything for her life.Her life is very important to him and these words were cruel, yet he wants her to live.

he also didn't want to let this world be destroyed and they had to fight it, where Nene made a wish again and he was going to fulfill it.

(I would like to add scenes from chapter 84 but the limit wouldn't allow it)

Yes! Amane may seem cruel as well as his posture.But I believe that Aoi's care and support at such a difficult time was really a concern and he is not indifferent to her fate, and yet he was ready to suffer another sin for his loved one.

Amane doesn't like to show affection, he does it by deeds.

In short: Amane's plan was bad and the chapters from Tsukasa show that if Amane had succeeded to sacrifice Aoi, Nene would have died in a few years. Therefore, I also believe that the Amane plan would not work.

His reaction may be cruel to some, but he wasn't going to back down from his plan he fought for it.

But he took care of Aoi and showed concern at the same time, so his concern was real and he proved it so many times and I think he was the same this time.

Amane shows no feelings, he prefers to hide them under the guise of cruel words, but his actions always speak differently, and from volume 1.

So I don't think Amane is cruel because he really cared, even if it was a duty in the beginning, he opened his heart thanks to Nene and Kou. That's why I find him an interesting character and the best in the series.

-

In my personal case, I can understand him more.

[storiesforallfandoms]

tabloid bs ~ eminem

word count: 1822

request?: yes!

@imaginesforjohnnydepp​ “hi! i was wondering if you could do an age gap eminem x reader imagine where the reader is a singer and is the daughter of a very successful actor and singer and there are rumors of her parents not liking marshall making the rounds in the tabloids?”

description: in which she decides to shut down bullshit tabloid rumors regarding her boyfriend and her parents

pairing: eminem x female!reader

warnings: swearing, age gap (totally legal though, we’ll say the reader is about 25)

masterlist (one, two)

Being the daughter of two incredibly famous actors meant you were in the spotlight from a young age. Paparazzi, crazy fans, fake friends, none of it was new to you by the time you decided you wanted to try your hand in singing.

You were nervous at first, worrying that either you’d only blow up because of who your parents were, or that everyone would shut down your career because of who your parents were. You were happily surprised to learn that everyone genuinely liked you and your music, despite your parentage.

As your career began to skyrocket, you were contacted by none other than Eminem asking to make a song with you. Apparently he was so impressed by your talent that he wanted to get in contact with you and ask you himself for a collab, something that he only did with people who ended up becoming close friends of his (Skylar Grey, Rihanna, 50 Cent, Ed Sheeran, etc. etc.).

You ended up following this trend, except in a much more extreme way. You did end up becoming close with him, but not as just a friend. Within a month of doing your collaboration you found yourself going on a date with Marshall, and within a year you were basically living with him.

The press had a field day when they found out. You were 20 years younger than Marshall, and he was only two years younger than your mom. Of course people didn’t react to kindly to this at first, but it wasn’t as hard to ignore these things as you expected it to be.

The thing that was hard to ignore, though, was the constant stories that were published about your parents hating Marshall, and hating your relationship.

This couldn’t be farther from the truth. Your parents loved Marshall, both as a musician and as their daughter’s boyfriend. Your dad and Marshall got along really well, and your mom basically viewed him as a new best friend from the moment he walked through the door.

These rumors were harder to ignore when they were brought up so often in interviews and during livestreams or Q&As. You were starting to get annoyed with it and you wanted to make it stop.

Lucky for you, the person interviewing you at that moment gave you the perfect segway to shutting those rumors down.

“I know this is a bit of a private topic,” she started, “and if you don’t want to talk about it we can just move on, but there’s something circulating in the rumor mill regarding you and your boyfriend.”

“Of course there is,” you said, rolling your eyes in a playful manner. You were trying to remain lighthearted about it all, but you were feeling the annoyance bubble up inside of you already.

“There’s a story going around that you blew off your dad’s birthday because he wouldn’t let you bring Eminem to the celebration.”

You felt your face heating up with anger. Oh, so now the media was trying to present you as a bratty singer now too? Saying you skipped your own father’s birthday due to your boyfriend?

No, they were not getting away with that one.

You pulled your phone from your pocket and quickly opened it. The interviewer looked at you in confusion as you scrolled through your pictures before holding your phone towards the nearest camera.

“Here’s a picture of me and my dad two days after his birthday,” you said. “It was taken by Marshall, because the three of us had a special celebration alone. My flight home was delayed and I had to miss my dad’s actual birthday, in which my boyfriend was actually invited to, by the way. Dad specifically asked if Marshall would be coming, even jokingly told me that I had to take him. So no, I didn’t purposely miss my dad’s birthday because of my boyfriend, I would never miss dad’s birthday on purpose.”

“All you had to say was no,” the interviewer mumbled, regarding her notes to move along to the next question.

“No,” you said. “I’m not keeping this one short and sweet. I’m tired of all these stupid, untrue things being said about me and my boyfriend and my parents. Mom and dad don’t hate Marshall, I don’t purposely not see my parents because of him. There’s no hate at all between any of us, and it makes me angry that tabloids make those accusations without any evidence just for clicks. This is someone’s real life, not just some fiction for someone to fuck around with.”

“You sound very passionate about this.”

You scoffed. “Of course I am! Ever since Marshall and I have started dating people have been saying shit about him and my parents and I don’t understand why. There’s never been any ill will between my parents and Marshall, not even any implied ill will. People just like to make up stories so they have a good headline to get views and get people talking.”

“Well, although nothing has been ever been confirmed, you can’t say you don’t understand where those rumors came from. No one wants their kid dating someone who is basically their age, no matter how famous that person is. It’s only natural for a parent to be protective over their kid, especially from such an older person that may just be taking advantage of them.”

Your eyes were wide with shock. You could barley believe what this bitch was saying. She was really trying to spin the story and say that Marshall was trying to take advantage of you, a literal 25 year old adult?

You stood from my chair then and began trying to pull the microphone off of yourself. The interviewer looked at me with concern before trying to stop you.

“I’m done here,” you declared, pulling at the wire once I found it.

“You’re going to break the mic!”

“Send the bill to my people,” you retorted. “I’m not sitting here and having someone tell me that the guy I’m dating is trying to take advantage of me just because he’s older, or hearing you spill some bullshit about my parents. Newsflash: if someone is happy publicly with their relationship, then maybe they’re actually happy. No tragic behind the scene stories or ulterior motives, just two adults who are in love.”

You finally got the microphone off and basically threw it at the interviewer before turning and leaving the room.

~~~~~~

You stayed at Marshall’s place that night, still partially fuming from the interview. You didn’t tell him specifics (especially not that you walked out in a fury the way you did), but you told him it didn’t go well.

You were awoken the next morning to your phone ringing. When you checked it, you saw your dad’s face and name light up your screen. You groaned when you noticed how early the time was before answering. “Hello?”

“Good morning sweetie,” came your dad’s voice. “Have you been online yet?”

“I haven’t even been out of bed yet,” you responded. “Why? What’s going on?”

“You’re trending for walking out of your interview.”

You sat up in the bed so quickly that it woke Marshall. He rolled over and looked at you in confusion as you put your dad on speaker and started frantically opening your Twitter app.

“Dad, you’re on speaker. Marshall is here,” you told him as you started looking.

“Good morning, Marshall,” your dad said.

“Morning,” Marshall responded, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “What’s going on that has (Y/N) wide awake at 8am?”

“She’s trending.”

“For what?”

There it was, your name at the top of the trending list. When you clicked on it, the first thing that popped up was your interview from the day before.

“Fuck,” you breathed. “I can’t believe they actually posted. It was so bad, I thought they’d just delete the footage and never think of it again.”

“You think too highly of people looking for a good scoop, honey.”

The title of the video read Singer (Y/F/N) Goes Off On Interviewer while Talking About Parents and Boyfriend Eminem. The entire interview was included, luckily enough, including everything leading up to your storm out. Marshall watched over your shoulder as your dad waited, silently, for you to see it all.

“You didn’t tell me what was said,” Marshall said. “Why didn’t you tell me they were saying that shit to you?”

“It doesn’t matter,” you responded. “I mean, it did matter, but by the time I got here I didn’t think it would matter anymore. Like I said, I thought the footage would be deleted and long forgotten.”

You were nervously biting at your nails as you scrolled through Twitter to see what people were saying. You were expecting a wave of hate and people believing that you truly were a bratty singer, until you started to see how much praise and love you were getting.

“Imagine trying to frame (Y/N) as the bad one in this situation when the interviewer literally said Eminem is trying to take advantage of her”

“Never believed those rumors about (Y/N)’s parents and Eminem. They’re all too tightknit for (Y/N) to date someone her parents hate”

“The way she told the interviewer to bill her for the broken mic that’s QUEEN SHIT”

“It doesn’t seem too bad,” you said as you continued to read. “A lot of people on my side.”

“Oh, I knew no one was against you on this one,” your dad said. “I just wanted to let you know you’re trending, and let you know I’m proud of you for finally putting an end to those rumors. It was getting really tiresome to read why I hated Marshall on any given day.”

You chuckled slightly. “Thanks dad. I’ll call you and mom later. Love you.”

“Love you, too, honey.”

Your dad hung up and you decided it would be for the best to put your phone away for a while. Even though you weren’t getting any negative attention for this, you were still overwhelmed by the fact that the interview went up at all.

You settled back into bed beside Marshall, taking your place in his arms where you loved to be the most.

“I’m proud of you, too,” he said, kissing your forehead. “I didn’t realize my girl was so badass.”

“Yes you did.”

“Maybe I did.” You giggled as you nuzzled your head into his chest more. “You know how much I love you, right?”

“Of course I know, babe. Don’t let that shitty interviewer and her bullshit get to you.”

“Oh she’s not,” he said. “I’m well aware your parents love me and I’m not taking advantage of you. I just wanted to remind you.”

I chuckled and shook my head. Shortly after, I drifted off to sleep, feeling proud of myself for what I had done.

[shiftingxsparkles]

hi hiiiii... I need like a harsh shifting motivation because I feel like I've been having some sort of shifting block lately and I'm a little uninspired because of it.

Sooooo....

Shifting is real, right???? Promise???? 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 It's not an inside joke that we're just totally invested in, right???? 😭

(LONG POST AHEAD WITH RANTING BEWARE)

HEY LOVE i am very glad you decided to reach out and send this message and i hope i will be able to help you at least a little bit

however i do want to mention that it is very possible no matter what i say or however way i try to tell you that shifting isn't an inside joke but quite possibly a true and real thing you can experience - there is a high chance you will still continue to have doubts. i don't think it is humanly possible to not have doubts about something until you experience it/see it yourself (or maybe hear it from a very very trusted source) especially if you are a very skeptical person in general or one who overthinks and questions everything. another thing in relation to that is - i have not shifted myself so more or less i am kind of in the same state as you - i don't necessarily know what and who to believe and what to disregard

HOWEVER!!!! one thing that kind of had made me so into reality shifting (besides the fact that it's super fun and a very cool concept lmao) is that i have not once seen a good argument that supports the theory that shifting is fake (ofc i can be corrected at any point here) but well okay so let's see what arguments we come across the most;

shifting is fake/impossible. - okay why? silence…nope thats it. thats their whole argument and when you ask them to explain further they don't have anything meaningful to say or back it up with. -10/10

you are delusional - which makes no sense? when you compare reality shifting from people who claim to have experience it and then compare it to the delusions of people who actually suffer from different mental disorders that have delusion as a symptom you find both of them to be completely irrelevant and different things. people who are genuienly delusional have a very distinct thought and speech patterns that are not present with people who claim to have reality shifted. plus i think it is quite a rare condition and i doubt it will be seen as often as it is so this argument is also quite invalid. (also delusional disorder, schizophrenia, DID, maladaptive daydreaming etc etc have literally nothing in common with shifting so whoever says that STFU lmao) (let's not even go to the point where they use it as an insult and in turn insult mentally ill people who without their shit already suffer enough) 1/10

you are lying - now this is the only one that kind of could make sense since people lie a lot and have indeed lied about shifting - i remember this girl on tiktok that said her body left her DR when she shifted back and i was like gorl💀 it is quite obvious when someone is lying tbh however yes there is a possibility that quite a lot of people are lying but lets get this to the next level why do people usually lie? they usually lie to get some form of recognition or attention right? sometimes people lie to protect themselves however lying about something like shifting so publicly is definitely not about that. okay so let's assume that it is for recognition for a following maybe, maybe to be a part of a community etc etc - okay so where does that leave all the countless other stories of people who also shared their stories without getting any sort of recognition - who for example send many anon messages confirming they have shifted or who post on discord let's say, amino, reddit - yes you can say they are still lying, still hoping to get something out of it but cmon every single one - like not every single person would do something like that? it just doesn't fit right?? it doesn't make sense. however still this is one of my biggest doubts because i just cannot be sure 5/10

it's lucid dreaming - my favourite one. THE STUPIDEST ONE. (besides the one with no argument lol) firST OF ALL!!! lucid dreaming as realistic as it can get is fucking dreaming - dreams are blurry, hazy, they make no logical sense (hence why you usually have 365 fingers) dreams last usually up to an hour and i think the maximum a dream can last is 2 hours. (which not all of it you are going to be lucid and conscious) how are people supposedly dreaming for days and weeks at a time? absolutely stupid comment also lucid dreaming used to be considered fake and delusional :) sooo…waddup with that -1/10

OKAY so we can come to the conclusion with this that there is currently more stuff in support of shifting than against it. so we can at least keep and open mind and entertain the idea right? okay now.. how do you keep yourself motivated and inspired and get yourself rid of that block…okay so i was super unmotivated a month or so ago - i didnt really feel my old dr i was starting to get bored of nothing happening… soo maybe what you need to do is change things up a bit? start a new show, book,movie and create a new dr, or even create a new world yourself - something you have always wanted to see or experience or even a person you have always wanted to be - start focusing on that creating a script, playlists, pinterest boards, drawings, edits even whatever you want and inspires you. start reading/watching other people's stories on reddit, discord, amino, tiktok. maybe potentially find a friend (unless you are asocial like me lol) to share it with. or maybe if nothing works just give yourself a break maybe that is what you need - shifting is never going to go away after all even if you are 80 it is still going to be there for you to experience and have fun with. there is really no rush and it is completely okay to be burnt out

even if you keep having doubts i suggest you keep trying (at the end of the day if anything trying to shift can be quite a healthy habbit - i mean cmon meditating is extremely beneficial for you, sleeping well, positive affirmations - the process itself is good for you) - as long as you keep an open mind and by that i mean keeping it mind that it might not be true and still being okay with that - there is absolutely nothing wrong with trying and trying and trying. (why im saying the "you should be okay with it not being real" is because i dont want you being dependent on shifting, or your happiness being dependent on it - remember that idealizing things be it people, places, memories - is never a good idea and it never ends well and is never what you thought it would be - (like for example you shift for someone and they turn out to be a horrible person yk?)) (if you are in a bad living situation and you find this the only way you can escape things get very complicated and though i understand i do not feel qualified or knowledgable enough to help)

also one of the things that always motivates me (maybe because i can be SLIGHTLY narcissistic) is if there is even the slightest possibility that you are literally going to experience one of the most exciting and weird things known that quite a few people experience then sign me up honestly idc fjdsfds

OKAY SORRY FOR THE LONG POST as an end i want to say i wish you the best, i hope you are taking care of yourself (and anyone who reads this as well) and i truly hope you shift very very soon !!! and trust me whenever i do i will tell you if its real or not <3

[chemicalpink]

대취타 (DAECHWITA) | EMPEROR!YOONGI X READER | FINAL

Pairing: Emperor!Yoongi x Assassin!Reader

Words: 3.5k

Genre: Emperor AU, Historical AU (kinda), smut, angsty

Warnings: mentions of death, mentions of historical public execution, oral sex (male receiving), lowkey breath play, unprotected sex

A/N: FINALLY IT’S HERE. I hope you enjoy, I had a hard time trying to make this not seem lame so here it is! please let me know what you think!

Summary: You used to be an assassin, got caught and works at the palace as a servant up until you are escorted to the main palace, either to meet your inevitable destiny or for a change of plans. 

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4

Forehead resting against your own as you found yourselves panting, him sliding out as your spasming cunt dripped with both of your releases onto the floor, placing one more soft kiss on your lips with his eyes closed “Marry me”

 You almost sat up with a start. Suddenly the world was bright and hazy. Yoongi had opened his eyes and they were digging like daggers into yours, an unusual look on him. You looked at the emperor apologetically before turning your gaze to the end of the room where there was a pile of books, silently detangling yourself from him.

The silence was deafening.

Then again, who in their right mind proposed marriage while having their cock buried deep inside some assassin turned royal slave. All the same, Min Yoongi wasn’t exactly known for having a right mind. But it wasn’t just the fact that he had proposed seemingly out of the blue, more than it was everything that came with it. The words seemed to tangle themselves inside your brain as you hear him say them over and over again. That he couldn’t think of himself marrying some woman that was inferior to him in mind and spirit. That he had wanted to marry to someone he loved. To think that Min Yoongi had proposed you marriage not in the heat of the moment but fully conscious of his actions would not only mean that he was in it for the great sexual escaped you two regularly went on, but because due to some fucked up mindset the royal had, he believed he could love you. 

Yoongi reached for your hand in an attempt to get your attention, face soft with post orgasmic bliss as he repeated the ill fated words “Marry me, Y/N”

You  snapped out of his hold. “Yoongi I don’t think you understand the situation”

“What is it then, please do enlighten me, Y/N cause from what I understand is me asking for your hand in marriage, twice now” he blinks a few times, looking at you expectantly, crossing his arms like a petulant child

“FUCKING READ THE ROOM MIN YOONGI ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND”

“Well I’m not, but you seem to be”

“I’m a fucking assassin, my hands? they will forever be tainted red” you look down at your hands and the blond man comes near to hold both of them inside his 

“Y/N I couldn’t care less about that, it’s not like I’m a saint either”

“You just don’t understand”

“Then help me out” somehow his ever consistent and aloof tone gave you more chills thana you could’ve imagined if he were to raise his voice at you “Y/N I’m serious with my proposal, the sex is amazing, but you’ve proven to be an excellent addition not only to my court, but to my life”

You are shaking, voice trembling and just above a mere whisper “I was the one that killed your mother on that freezing December night”

He freezes in place.

He seemed oddly composed for someone who had just been told the responsible of his mother's death was none other than the woman he thought he wanted to marry

You remember how a few years ago, he had gone on a killing rampage, exposing heads outside his palace as if they were homemade decorations, swearing to find the person responsible for his mother’s death and get revenge. It had been months of bloodbath. Some had considered the emperor’s son to have gone completely out of his mind. 

You storm off. Not before accepting the responsibility of your actions, perhaps Yoongi had also been a good addition to your life “I’m fine with you deciding to execute me for my crimes, I understand whatever sentence is best fitted for me, your majesty” for the first time since you had arrived at the palace, you don’t dare to look him in the ye, opting to follow court protocol and bow deeply before taking your leave, attempting to detangle yourself from your messed up robes and even more messed up string of thoughts.

The following days to that conversation were a blur and for the most part, uneventful, the emperor had opted not to gravitate your way unless strictly necessary, oddly enough, the air wasn’t awkward at all, it was as if nothing had ever happened between the two of you in the first place. Yoongi had retreated to being an aloof ruler, along with regular trips to meet his once very occupied and spoiled rotten concubines, all the while you were kept apart from. Sometimes, you would receive jobs outside the palace and were expected to fulfill them according to instructions. More times than not, you were left wondering if you would make it back to the palace or if it was one hell of an excuse to execute you.

Hearing approaching footsteps, you couldn’t help but hide the best that you could behind one of the hostel’s walls. Hooded and well muffled with the cape, as you did your best to camouflage yourself into the shadows and become a mere wisp of darkness. A maid from the hostel trudged to the open window and closed it, grumbling. Lightning illuminated the landing. You took a deep breath and reviewed the plans that you had so painstakingly memorized throughout the three days you had been guarding that building on the outskirts of the kingdom. Five doors on each side. The target’s bedroom was behind the third one on the left.

Stealthy as a specter, you walked down the landing. You pushed the target's bedroom door, which opened with an almost imperceptible squeak; waiting for another thunder to rumble to close it carefully. A second flash of lightning illuminated the two figures sleeping on the canopy bed. Young Hee must not have been over thirty-five. His son, small and beautiful, slept soundly in his arms.

“I’m not murdering a poor kid’s mother”

“So you’ve gone soft”

“No I haven’t gone soft” “What could a poor merchant woman have done to you for her to deserve such an end to her life”

He sits down on his throne “You didn’t even hesitate when killing my mother, though”

“Yoongi I-” he turns his head to you, a sharp gaze following your every move, as if he was a predator waiting for the precise moment his prey took a wrong turn to jump on them. You turn your gaze to the floor immediately “Your Majesty”

“Listen Y/N- I’m a very busy man, so I’ll make it easier for you” he stood up from where he was sitting, and although you weren’t looking directly at him, you could hear him move around the room until you were able to see him stop right in front of you, a hand you were so familiar with once caresses your cheek as he grabs your chin and forces you to look at him face to face “It’s either her life, or your life. Easy choice, Y/N”

You can feel your heart wanting to burst out of your ribcage at that exact moment, finally understanding the importance behind such a horrifying task, the mirroring in the situation. And the choice was as simple as it could get. “Kill me instead”

You could see the rage inside his eyes, even as he stood still for a few second, steady as ever, unfaltering as he called over one of the palace’s servants to get him the royal seal, the infamous red ink that decorated the skin of those in line to be executed by the royal himself, an utmost sign of rage, of personally wronging the monarch. A sense of longing crossed his gaze for half a second as he locked eyes with you before he took your wrist in his hand and stamped the cold ink on it; you couldn’t keep your body from reacting to the action, whether it was having him touching you again, the almost imperceptible stuttering of his movements when he did so, or the knowledge that you’d have to face an execution, making you shake lightly as adrenaline filled your veins. 

Preparations were something the emperor certainly didn’t scattered in, back when he became known as the cold hearted borderline psychopath he had a vaste fame of, ikt was mostly do to the whole antiques that surrounded his personal executions, the way that they seemed to mimic a kingdom’s festivity was almost breathtaking, were it not for the fact that the main entertainment of the day would be having you publicly executed.  You had been waiting for that night for a whole week. Sitting in the wooden corridor nestled to one side of the golden dome of Min Yoongi’s personal library, remembering how the last time you had been there, things were so different from how they were now, where the emperor had asked you to marry you in the worst way possible and you had confessed the greatest murder of the dynasty; you let yourself be carried away by the music that rose through the amphitheater. With your legs dangling under the railing, you leaned forward and rested your cheek on your crossed arms. One could almost swear the palace was preparing for a wedding, if the way you were constantly dressed up and down during the week, the way the palace’s servants were constantly bustling around the building to ensure the greatest quality for the evening, the greatest night for the kingdom. The execution of the Empress’ murderer. 

“You seem oddly calm for someone who's about to be executed” Jungkook mentions as he approaches where you were currently hanging out, a few minutes to spare before a small group of designated maids were to call you to get you ready for the night.

You look up at him tiredly, without separating your head from where it was laying, catching him taking a seat by your side in the most infantile way you had ever seen the royal guard do, shrugging to no one in particular, you add “You know, accountability and stuff”

“Oh and she grew a moral compass during her time here” if he was expecting a bickering comeback, the way you used to do back when he was designated to look after you, he was certainly not getting anything other than be met by an extended silence that seemed to rise the tension and seriousness of the whole interaction between the two “Why are you letting this happen to you?”

“What are you talking about” this time, you do turn to face him, confused as to where he was expecting the conversation to go.

“You didn’t kill his mother”

“I did”

He huffed out air, sounding a bit exasperated at your response; you could have even sworn you saw him roll his eyes faintly “No you didn’t, you were a mere 15 year old” there was a bit of laughter behind his sentence before he regained his composure and went back to his former self from a few minutes ago, looking at your face quizzically as if there was something hidden in there that held the answer to his question  “So why are you doing this”

You try and miserably fail to convey a nonchalant look on your face as memories of your time with the emperor fill your mind, not just the carnal ones, but those where you would watch him work for his place in the royal hierarchy, the soft sides around the rough edges that were publicly hidden on purpose, turning away from the guard you say softly “Yoongi’s a great man”

“Okay sure, he could do with a more...tame temperament, but what does that have anything to do with you chopping your own head off”

You try your best to ignore the way your heart seems to physically ache at the thought behind the answer; you almost don’t get enough strength from within to mutter “I’m hoping to get him some closure, be an even better ruler”

“That’s- definitely not how it’s supposed to work Y/N” Jungkook says incredulously 

 “I was technically part of the killing so, it’s all the same”

He huffs before going to stand up, dusting off his uniform and already facing away from you, before you can hear him call for you one last time “Yoongi’s in his room, you know, he was looking for you a few hours ago, in case that information helps in any way”

So perhaps you were naive for thinking that he would answer his door, he would have no reason to do so, especially given the circumstances, if it were you, opening the door to the person that had confessed of murdering your mother, and having them come up at your room, you wouldn’t even need to think it once to decide not to further interact with them, but Jungkook had said Yoongi had been looking for you before, so the chance of him wanting to see you alive one last time were there. Unless you were reading it all wrong. You turned your back on the huge wooden door you had come to know as the emperor’s bedroom a few months back, resigned, when you heard the creaking of a door opening and a calm steady voice.

“So you’re going to just knock on my door and run away the same way you entered my life and are now leaving it forever?” his frozen tone still having an effect on your body as you turned to face him properly for the first time in what seemed like an eternity “Came to discuss a bargain for your life?”

“Not at all” you lock eyes with him when approaching him, until you were practically inside the room, his judgemental gaze still on you “I wanted to say my goodbyes properly, your majesty”

“Then don’t waste my time and come in already, Y/N” 

The royal wasted no time in cornering you against the door, face so close to yours you could feel his breath on your skin, the tip of his nose nuzzling the side of your face and you knew him enough to know he had his eyes closed to keep his composure as he talked “I’m going to miss you like a fucking mad man” 

It felt like falling back into routine, the way he kissed you, down to your neck up to your collarbone, pushing past the robes that covered your skin, in preparation for the ritual, his hands roaming freely in a familiar way, grabbing all the right places as he draws little sounds from your throat, all while he worked the both of you to where his bed was placed, although he was giving your body and pleasure a decent amount of attention, you couldn’t brush off the fact that he irradiated an angry aura, words left unspoken as he got his anger out by pleasuring both of you. Maybe himself more than you, as he removes himself from caressing your body as he usually did and positioned himself above you, his member laying flat on your already expecting tongue,as soon as you realised what his intentions were when he started undressing himself, his hips thrusting a few times in an experimental manner, soon enough finding a  pace at the same time as you bobbed your head up to capture as much of his length as you could inside your mouth, your hands captured under Yoongi’s weight, unable to help you work him further, the way you’d done before. 

You feel him start to thrust further into your throat at one particular kitten lick of yours to the tip of his cock, your head starting to hang from the edge of the mattress you two were on as he picked up the pace, his cock filling you up all the way until it hit the back of your throat a few times, you trying to whine around him, only further encouraging him to take a handful of your hair and push you further against him, your gag reflex taking the best of you as he held you there, nose close to his navel, deep grunts ripped from his lips, the air leaving your lungs and becoming slightly light headed after a few seconds of you tapping his thigh in a motion to let him know to let you breathe, at which Yoongi locked eyes with you, a mix of anger and longing in his yes as he  thrusts a few more times as saliva started dripping from your mouth, tears decorating your pink stained cheeks before he removed himself from you, giving you a few seconds to gain air before he repositioned both of you. A deafening silence taking over both of you, as you were still catching your breath and he positioned his cock at your entrance, his tip, wet with your saliva, playing with your folds for a few seconds, as you take a sharp intake of air when he enters you and immediately sets a slow deep pace. You can feel his member filling you up perfectly, mind racing with flashbacks to all those other nights before where the emperor and you shared endless nights all over the palace. 

The knowledge that this would be the last time creeping up in the back of your mind. You feel an unfamiliar wetness hit your neck where Yoongi was kissing your skin, rolling down as you identified it as tears, as he was still passionately thrusting into you. 

“I don’t want to lose you” his voice barely above a whisper, trying to conceal the way his chest was tightened with sadness 

“You have to let me go, Yoongi” one of your hands comes up to caress his locks as he pushes up to stare at your face, anger long gone and replaced with utter sadness before one last thrust has him filling you up with his seed, warmth enveloping you, a soft whimper leaving your lips as his cock leaves your cunt, a briskly wind coming from the window causing your body to shiver for a second at the loss of body heat on top of you.

“I guess this was it then” his cold and unnerved facade was on again, making the cold shivers in your body that much worse as you watched him adjust his clothes and walk out of the room, leaving you to dress yourself and ultimately face your fated destiny at the end of the day.

The palace’s front plaza is filled to the brim with spectators as the news got out that the Emperor was finally getting revenge for his mother’s killing, people from the kingdom and even some people from neighbouring ones all lined up in the outer sides of the fire marks that decorated the space to illuminate the middle path where you were placed in the end of it to walk your way up, two unknown guards on each side of you as each grabbed your elbows to push you forward, the rope certainly leaving marks on your skin as it was wrapped tightly around your wrists.  

You could only catch a glimpse of Yoongi’s blond hair, wrapped in his infamous black and golden hanbok, drums roaring in unison, people screaming as you watched him take the sword from the swordsman that had prepared the ritual beforehand, as someone wrapped a cloth around your eyes and you were promptly pushed forward, legs buckling every few seconds as you came to realise what you were about to face, it hadn’t been clear before, mere seconds away, finally falling to your knees, head bowed down in resignation as you could barely hear the sharp sword cutting the air around you, gasps from the crowd filling the air along with the constant sound of the drums around you. You could only hope your death would bring much needed peace to the monarch and his kingdom. Your heart seemed to want to burst out of your chest, if anything, Yoongi was known for being an espectacular swordsman, which hopefully made the whole execution that much easier. You could hear cheers and a metal cutting the air before your body fell limp to the ground.

But your consciousness never left, the drums couldn’t be heard anymore, cheers were replaced with confusion as a pair of hands helped you up to your knees, fumbling with the cloth around your eyes to come face to face with Min Yoongi kneeling before you, a subtle smile on his face as one of his hands caressed your cheek before helping you up beside him.

“I’m sure you all must be confused right now” he announced to his subjects “This woman right here, has got more courage in her than anyone that has ever worked for me, any of us, for that matter. Which is why I’m asking once again, publicly, for the first time, for her hand in marriage” he turned to face you, as you were still dazed by the whole ordeal, his hand in yours being the only thing holding you down “Marry me, Y/N”

[systematic-advice]

You agreed it's two different issues so another question. Do white singlets get a pass because they feel connected to a nonwhite name and they get to use it or do alters just get a pass with connections? Do you think everyone should get to use any name they want no matter what or is it just systems who are an exception? /Gen trying to understand what's all going on

EDIT: WE HAVE HAD THIS PROPERLY EXPLAINED TO US. OUR OPINION HAS CHANGED.

My personal belief is that a name is just a sound that people make to identify you. So I 'personally' don't understand the issue. But I am not someone who has experiencd oppression based on my name (beyond when we changed it to be gender neutral) so I am trying not to speak over those that have. At the same time though, as I have said in another post, I do think some of this issue is fighting for the sake of fighting. But Systems are different either way.

Singlets who choose their name are going to introduce themselves as that name. They're going to fill out paperwork with that name. They're going to apply for jobs with that name. So I can completely see why that would be an issue for POC. Because that is a public declaration of identity. I understand that to a degree. But even on this case so many names are derived from other languages we now accept as 'english/white' so where do we even draw the line with this? Again I am asking for real./gen

But with Systems? The chances of them ever using that name outside of closed communities online, wherein no one knows for SURE what their race is are very slim. I think it's important to look at the impact, because as far as myself and most people I have spoke to see it- this doesn't affect ANYONE but the System itself. A white System is still likely to introduce themselves as their white, bodily name. Real Systems aren't out here walking up to new people going "Hi I'm Naruto!" Or "Hey I'm Spawn.", you know what I mean? (Outside the Endogenic Community, I mean. They'll say anything.) And the people they do tell are aware of Systemhood and it's doubtful they'd think that person was part of that community.

This argument feels like it falls along the same lines as 'you can't have Alters from problematic sources!' It's the same kind of attempt to control how a System forms and functions. So let me just say this: REGARDLESS of your view on this topic, IT'S NOT UP TO YOU. I understand the position- but this is a mental illness that forms without our consent. The parts of this mental illness are NOT controlled by the System- they are simply a part of it. So it isn't anyone's choice how an Alter feels they look or what name they relate to. You don't get to decide that a System MUST change their Alters. They're people- and it's up to them and how they feel. As long as they're not infringing on your rights (which they aren't), leave them alone.

This is the FINAL ask I will be posting publicly about this topic. I have said all I will say on the topic until someone can present me with a reason that has valid points and evidence of impact? I will continue to believe that an Alter forms how they form and it's not okay to ask them to change.

[sunshinexlollipops]

this is my only big and last post on Tyler Joseph from twenty one pilots and the stupid shit he pulled yesterday.

I’ve been a big fan of top for a long while. 2015 and onward. albeit now I’m reconsidering things...

my first concert was top in 2016. I have been to 2 other concerts, and about half my wardrobe are top shirts. I have blurryface, vessel, and trench on vinyl and trench is the only album I don’t have on CD. hell I was a goddamn clique artist for a couple of years and gained 2k followers before quitting 2 years ago.

my point is: I was a MASSIVE fan of top. but what happened yesterday... makes me really consider how I feel about Tyler and if I should support his work as happily as I once did.

for those who don’t know, Tyler tweeted a joke yesterday while wearing platform boots from dollskill with a caption pretty much stating: “you guys told me to use my platforms, so glad to dust these bad boys off.”

obviously this was meant as a pun over fans and others asking Tyler to use his social medias to speak up about various issues like BLM or the Yemen crisis.

and naturally, the joke didn’t land well with pretty much everybody.

Tyler’s response was to “double down” on his tweet and he even said he refused to delete it because it was “fantastic.”

then, he proceeded to post links about mental health, and stated he wasn’t capable of mentally dealing with certain things (essentially: he is too mentally strained for acitivism).

he eventually ended the whole post-a-thon hours later with an apology, some BLM links, and stated: “I wanted to speak about something I cared about, but obviously this isn’t the time for that right now.”

In short: it was a shit show.

I personally never asked Tyler or expected Tyler to speak about these issues, and this whole debacle started a debate on celebrities and if they have to speak on social / political issues esp when their fans ask them to.

personally I do think celebs should be able to discuss what they want. they are people, yes. if they are crap, don’t support them. if they chose to remain neutral, respect that. it’s not a huge deal.

the problem with what happened with Tyler is that HE CHOSE to start this by mocking people asking him to use his voice.

he saw these requests and decided to make a mocking joke about it, turned the narrative to mental health, and made it seem like no one cared about what he was trying to “bring attention to.”

listen: we all know Tyler is a mental health activist. his entire musical career is based on that. all of his songs are based on that. not a single person in the fandom lacks an ounce of respect for mental health because it’s why we’re all here.

BUT it was obvious from the start that no one was asking Tyler to be an activist on something he had already so openly and publicly supported.

seeing those requests asking him to speak up meant that Tyler also knew the issues they wanted him to address publicly.

otherwise how in the hell would he know what they wanted him to talk about???

turning the whole thing into a pun not only belittled those people, but the issues they presented.

there is always a time to discuss the importance of mental health; however, given the context of the situation, this whole thing was not conceieved on that subject.

Tyler basically turned into a war against his mental health activism to make it seem like people were in the wrong for being critical of his poor joke and refusal to acknowledge its damage.

additionally: if this was about mental health the entire time like he is trying to say, that means that his joke was directed at being an activist for mental health.

there is no way Tyler comes out in the right for it.

if you aren’t mentally capable of public activism, then don’t make a mocking joke out of people asking you to speak up public.

if you are upset no one takes your issue seriously, then don’t turn their issues into a chance to make puns.

it’s like announcing you’re allergic to bees and you’re upset about what happened to you after you kicked the nest and got stung.

or in this case: it would be seeing his thread about mental health activism and deciding to pose with some crocs.

at some point Tyler’s conscience should’ve come into play. someone should have said: maybe this isn’t a good idea.

specifically buying those shoes, posing for photos, and planning this all for that caption meant that Tyler never intended for anything other than making this joke.

the fact that he still refuses to delete that post and that he still defends it in some way is just... disheartening to say the least.

unnecessary and tragic deaths of ANY person for ANY reason are things we should care about and try and prevent. be it because of mental illness, racism, a humanitarian crisis— the right to live for any person should always be respected.

let’s leave the cameras off and leave the clown shoes at shoe carnival, okay?

[ckneal]

There’s a midam AU idea that’s been living in the back of my mind for months now, but it’s been slow going. Mainly because I suspect that doing the idea justice is going to mean doing more research than I’m used to, and maybe even rewatching the series proper to help me fill in some of the weak spots, and I have so many other story ideas that are frankly just easier to work on, two of which are already slated to be multi-chapter works. . . But I’m in the mood to type up something longwinded, so here we go. Keep reading if you’d like to see a rough outline of the first few chapters of this story I really hope to write out properly sometime.

(Warning, this is a long one.)

So, this story is loosely based on the Hundred Years War that took place between England and France from 1337-1453. But it’s only very loosely inspired. Very, very loosely. As in, I was reading a book, I read about one thing that happened, it germinated in my head, and then suddenly I had a plot developing that featured my current favorite ship. Additional sources of inspiration include one of my favorite fantasy series, and a personally beloved trashy romance novel. Because it’s fanfiction, folks. There are no rules here.

Of course, in this AU, the entire world is going to be made up, with neither side of the war distinctly being assigned the role of England or France—or Flanders or Burgundy, for that matter. I barrowed an inciting incident, and few smaller details from history to help things along here and there, but with no regard for keeping all the French things assigned to one group and the English ones to another.

That said, the inciting incident took its inspiration from the Battle of Poiters, a conflict during which England not only won against the French, but also took their king hostage. King Jean II was later ransomed back to his people, but at a sum that was so high, France could not afford to pay it all at once. England still returned France’s king, but new hostages were provided to serve as collateral during the interim, including the King’s son.

So. . .crown Prince Michael Shurley completely decimates King John Winchester on the battlefield, and sends his demands to John’s queen, Mary Winchester. The two kingdoms have been locked in a territory dispute for several decades, and this is one of the more humiliating events to befall the smaller kingdom yet, especially since they are unable to meet all of Michael’s demands. When the Winchesters begrudgingly admit this to the Shurley representatives, they’re caught off guard when they’re offered a trade: John Winchester will be returned, so long Dean Winchester takes his place as collateral.

Things are less than stable in the Winchester kingdom however, with more than a few factions quietly scheming for power. John and Mary were an arranged marriage that was originally held up like a fairytale when the two seemingly fell madly in love during their mandated courtship, but the years afterward had changed them. Civil unrest sparked by the war had brought out a lot of disagreements between the Winchesters and the Campbells and their approaches to governing.

John’s supporters are the ones to step forward with a plan, and convince Mary that it’s vitally important the people are not alarmed by their king’s capture. Mary initially finds it distasteful, but it’s talked around and adjusted and reframed, as John’s people ferret out more and more information about the vital party involved, until she finally agrees.

Because John Winchester just happened to have a bastard son. The resemblance to Dean might not be particularly remarkable, but no one at the Shurley court has ever seen the Winchester heir before. Plus, Adam Milligan has spent the entirety of his teen years studying to become a physician, of all things. He’s perfect for their purposes. 

Ten years prior, the Shurley court had had to deal with its own bout of civil unrest, when King Chuck Shurley’s second eldest son had attempted to overthrow him with the support of several nobles from one the kingdom’s richest providences. Lucifer had allegedly been driven into exile following his defeat, and Chuck had been said to have contracted some sort of mysterious illness. According to rumors, the king had shut himself up in his private chambers and refused to admit anyone apart from his remaining children. Even servants were barred from tending him directly.

They snatch Adam away from his studies and force him into compliance by dusting off an archaic law left over from before the start of the war, when the kingdom relied on a conscription military force rather than a standing army full of career military professionals—this law empowering the crown to call on any of its citizens for a minimum forty days of military service per year. They tell Adam that his mission seems more dangerous than it is—really, all he has to do is pretend to be Dean, and use his medical knowledge to figure out exactly what mysterious illness has bedridden the enemy monarch.

Sam and Dean—the proverbial heir and spare of the kingdom—are not at court to meet their younger brother, when he’s hastily fitted for a royal wardrobe and put through a crash course on court etiquette. Sam is very publicly put on display at a holiday festival in another part of the kingdom, while Dean is sent orders to quietly stay behind at a country estate while his valet, Kevin Tran, is sent on to court. Neither of the princes is told about the plan until after Adam has already been shipped out, with Kevin in toe to help Adam along with the impersonation.

No one involved is in anyway comfortable with the mission. But it was only supposed to be for forty days. Adam was assured that the necessary funds to pay off the ransom would either be raised by the end of the minimum mandated service, or they would make contact to extract him. The Campbells and the Winchesters both allegedly had spies in the Shurley court, and they would make themselves known when the time was right.

Adam is given the impression that the latter had been told to him with the intention of making him feel safer. It did not work.

He’s terrified when he arrives—almost would have preferred being promptly thrown into a dungeon upon arrival, instead of a room full of foreign nobility who one and all give off the impression that if cut they’d bleed straight silver, and look at “Dean,” the hostage prince and purported military genius from the tiny, vicious country across the channel, as a curiosity to be studied. He’s assigned two guards (who I decided will be Anael and Samandriel, based entirely on the tags I threw together at then end of this post, during which I decided that I love these three together), who follow him around relentlessly, but beyond that, he’s. . .pretty much treated like a guest. If a stiflingly monitored one. There are limitations on where he can go and what he can do, but for the most part he’s just sort of. . .there.

Most unnerving of all, however, is the small package that Adam finds in his room when he first settles in. Kevin swears he has no idea who left it. It has the Campbell’s insignia clearly worked into the pattern of the paper it’s wrapped in, and inside he finds a knife small enough to conceal on his person, and a number of different herbs and powders that he recognizes from his studies—though of course, he’s more familiar with remedies to counteract their effects.

In other words, he finds an assassin’s-first-kill-job kit, and instructions on how and when to use it, if opportunity arises. This had not been part of the deal when Adam reluctantly signed on.

Unbeknownst to Adam however—though suspected by some parties in the Winchester court—Adam cannot assassinate Chuck Shurley, because Chuck is not there. Shortly after Lucifer’s insurrection, Chuck had quietly disappeared. Michael had only been a teenager at the time. He invented the story about Chuck being ill on impulse, certain that Chuck would be back sooner than later, and Raphael had gone along with it because, being twelve years old, Raphael was not yet old enough to question Michael’s judgement. It is now an awkward point between them.

Adam soon becomes another.

Michael regularly checks in to see how Adam’s getting on, in a way that Kevin assures Adam is entirely appropriate, since Michael is under the impression that Adam is going to be a fellow monarch someday, and is likely trying to be courteous. Adam inherently feels somewhat flustered around Michael though, which is not helped by the fact that Michael is somehow always present whenever Adam puts his foot in his mouth socially. On more than one occasion, he’s thankful that almost no one has actually been to his homeland, allowing Adam to blame an astonishing number of fuck ups on cultural differences.

Michael and Adam’s early one on one interaction are intensely awkward. Adam will forget to wear gloves, and then Michael will comment that Adam’s hands are oddly devoid of callouses for someone who’d practically been raised with a sword in his hand, leaving Adam to scramble for some flimsy excuse about hand cream. Adam will inquisitively ask questions about what sort of illness would be severe enough to leave someone bedridden for a decade but not kill them in that time (Kevin frantically motioning over Michael’s shoulder to convey that that is NOT the right way to fish for details on such a sensitive subject), and Michael will struggle to find an excuse around the quietly bubbling panic, because he hasn’t had to try to explain anything about his father since that first year, and he is not a particularly gifted liar.  

And then there’s Raphael.

Unlike Michael, Raphael is suspicious of “Dean” right from the start, pulling Michael aside to point out things that don’t seem quite right according to what their informants have told them about Dean Winchester.

“Doesn’t he look a bit young?”

“Some people look younger than they are, Raphael.”

“I was told Dean Winchester had dark hair.”

“Dark blond is dark.”

“Aren’t his eyes supposed to be green?”

“They’re obviously blue.”

“That’s exactly my point.”

The forty days come and go with Adam and Kevin nervously waiting for some sort of sign from home. Roughly two weeks later, a messenger arrives with unexpected news for Michael’s court: the Campbells have officially broken ties with the Winchesters in a violent bid for power that has left the kingdom at war with itself.

According to Kevin, the civil war has probably slowed things down a bit, if it’s as bad as the rumors say. . .

Adam and Kevin are stranded.

“Don’t worry though—I know Dean, and he knows our necks are on the line. He’ll keep out of sight until they manage to get us out of here.”

Adam finds it difficult to put faith in the virtues of a brother he’s never met, but doesn’t have it in him to question Kevin’s faith. He worries about his mother, who might have been safe in the countryside, but also might have made the trek to the capitol when it came out that Adam had been abducted for the sake of persevering the royal family's throne. He can’t be sure.

And to top it off, Michael takes to stopping by Adam’s room every couple of days to privately talk about the movements of the various factions—who has been sighted where and in what condition, where they’re rumored to be headed. Adam interprets it as an attempt to shake out inside information. One day, Adam finally tries to set him straight by saying it doesn’t matter how many ugly details Michael throws at him, Adam can’t help him because he doesn’t know anything—and is promptly put to shame when Michael looks at him in surprise and says, “You misunderstand. I assumed that you would want to know these things, because they are your family.”

Michael leaves, and Adam’s guards exchange a look. When asked, Samandriel awkwardly tells Adam that the royal family used to have a fourth child. Gabriel. He was lost during Lucifer’s insurrection. Pirates overtook his ship. They’d never received a ransom. Michael had purportedly offered a standing reward for any news of Gabriel, and put an unwise amount of resources into searching for him until it threatened the war effort.

Adam and Michael start talking more frequently from there, starting with an apology on Adam’s part. It’s tricky at first, because Michael starts out asking questions about Dean Winchester's military exploits—it is the most likely common ground between them, after all—and Adam has to hastily change the subject every time. By the two month mark, they’re talking affably, and rumors start to circulate through the courts as Michael's routine check ins on Adam start getting less formal and more frequent.

On the four month mark, rumors get even worse. Raphael finally sits Michael down and really gets into all of the things about “Dean” that don’t add up, item by item. If he’s trying to pretend he doesn’t know anything about his country’s military exploits, he’s far too convincing given his reported record, and Raphael has it on good authority that more than half of those “cultural differences” in etiquette that keep cropping up are completely unfounded—and look here, three different informants have sent lists of Dean Winchester’s physical characteristics, and the foreign prince DOES NOT MATCH.

“Michael, something is not right here.”

“Fine, I’ll talk to him about it now.”

And Michael storms off to address “Dean,” while Raphael calls after him that he should wait until morning. Because it is the middle of the night.

Adam just happens to be up reading. Michael’s familiar with the book. Michael gets distracted, and they talk all night. The sun’s coming up when Michael finally leaves, and a servant happens to see him slipping out of Adam’s room. Suggestive conjectures promptly follow, and Raphael exasperatedly admits they only have themself to blame.

And this only gets worse, because now Adam and Michael have transitioned into being friends. No more guarded conversations where one is convinced the other is about to catch them in some sort of lie. When Raphael mentions that some of the lesser nobles are starting to think Michael and Adam are courting, Michael’s fidgeting is not at all lost on them, as Michael assures them that of course that isn't the case. He and Dean are merely establishing friendly relations that will serve them well down the road politically—

“After the war is over?”

“Of course, after the war is over.”

Adam’s been stranded in the Shurley court for almost a year by the time that he finally slips into his room and sees a sealed message set out on his bed. Adam doesn’t recognize the insignia as belonging to either the Winchesters or the Campbells, but it’s signed with the initials “SW” at the bottom. It mostly contains a lot of vague phrases that make Adam wonder if he was supposed to be versed in some sort of code. As far as he’s concerned, the only important information comes at the end: Kate Milligan has been safely relocated for the duration of the civil war.

Relieved, Adam goes down to dinner, where some sort of seasonal holiday is being celebrated, and has a bit more wine than he normally would. The Shurley court is one of those stuffy courts where seating is stiffly dictated by tradition. As a foreign prince, Adam’s assigned seat is at the same table as Michael, although, according to Kevin, his placement's much further down due to his being a hostage. After a few drinks, and after most of the nobles have cleared off from the table to talk and celebrate elsewhere in the hall, Adam sees no reason not to get up and relocate down the line of chairs to sit closer to Michael. It was against the rules, but Adam was aware enough not to sit in Raphael’s empty seat, and he’d been seen with Michael so often that Anael and Samandriel barely even blinked, because Adam obviously wasn’t about to attack their prince or anything.

However, it is worth noting that while talking to Adam, Michael consumes a decent amount more wine than he would normally have as well.

Later that night, Michael’s walking Adam back to his room, and he starts to comment that Adam seems happier than usual. But even when sober, Michael would struggle to say something like that—if he’d even attempt it while sober—and Adam winds up biting his lip as he watches Michael’s mounting embarrassment, as a simple compliment inexplicably morphs—words seemingly forcing their way out as Michael tries and utterly fails to stop them—into a compliment about how Adam is beautiful—that is, he’s always beautiful—that is, Michael can’t help noticing Adam most days—that is. . .

. . .Michael is adorable. And in a moment of pure, thoughtless impulse, Adam leans in and kisses Michael right there in the corridor.

Michael is profoundly shocked, and his reaction delayed. Adam had only gone in intending to briefly press his lips against Michael’s, but as he’s pulling away Michael abruptly leans in and reseals the kiss, and Adam in turn takes that as an invitation to pull Michael closer. And a few minutes later, Raphael happens to walk down the hallway and find the two of them enthusiastically kissing against the wall.

And Raphael promptly turns around and goes back the way they came, only stopping at one point to flag down a servant and order them not to let anyone else walk down that particular corridor for at least an hour, hoping that Michael and Adam’s “friendly relations” wouldn’t result in anything too inappropriate.

As it happens, nothing particularly inappropriate happens. Nonetheless, Michael still wakes up the next morning, fully clothed in his own bed, in panic because the first thought to distinctly make its way through the ungodly pain in his head is that he’d taken liberties with a guest the night before. The heir to a foreign power at that, a peer, a hostage! Michael never thought he was capable of something so dishonorable--he’d had Dean pressed up against the wall as if they were a couple of ill-bred urchins, and how does one even go about apologizing for something like that?

(Of course, if Michael were thinking clearly, he might have remembered that Adam had actually been the one to back himself up against the wall, with Michael obligingly following along, quite malleable to whatever positioning Adam wanted so long as Adam kept kissing him.)

Michael’s behavior was beyond unacceptable. If his father hadn’t already abandoned them, he’d likely disown Michael out of pure shame. There was no telling what kind of damage he’d done to the relationship between their kingdoms. At best, Michael’s uncouth actions would be a dirty secret between them in the years to come, after Dean married, and Michael was left barely able to look Dean’s spouse in the eye. If Michael were a lesser noble, his parents might demand he married Dean outright.

And suddenly Michael sat up in bed, realizing he could marry Dean. His mind begins racing, because of course he could marry Dean! It made perfect sense. They enjoyed each other’s company, and with both of them being heir to their respective kingdoms, their union would effectively end the war. It might be complicated—especially given some of the odd customs Dean had introduced to Michael’s court—but marriages had been used to cemented alliances often enough, and the thought of marrying Dean elicited a curiously hot feeling in Michael’s stomach, remembering the way Adam had pulled him close the night before.

(Fun fact, England and France actually did try to do this with the Treaty of Troyes in 1420; it did not go as planned.)

Michael goes through the rest of his day in an uncharacteristically upbeat mindset, because now it all seems to just be a matter of organizing things, and he is good at organizing. He would have to write to either John or Mary Winchester as soon as the situation in their kingdom settled, and formally ask for Dean’s hand, and he and Dean should have a chaperone present at all times moving forward to avoid scandal--though there would be no way to sidestep scandal altogether, of course. Adam was still technically Michael’s prisoner. 

More than likely, the Winchesters or Campbells would demand Michael relinquish his claim to at least half of the territories that they’d spent the last few decades fighting over, but that would be fine. It’s traditional in Michael’s country to give gifts to one’s in-laws, and Dean is a future monarch. Anything too little would be insulting, and all would be consolidated eventually when Dean and Michael assumed their respective thrones. . .

Michael is still walking around delightfully living in his own head when Raphael pulls him into an empty room to discuss what they witnessed the night before. While not the most shocking scenario they could have imagined, they were not expecting to hear their brother announce that he and Dean Winchester would be getting married.

“And how are we to explain away our father’s absence during the proceedings, Michael?”

Michael’s good mood promptly withers. Because of course Chuck would be expected to play some part in arranging his son’s wedding. Ill or not, at the very least, he would be expected to make an appearance at the wedding. To have no part in it at all would be suspicious, not to mention rude.

While Raphael intended to snap Michael back to his senses, they had not meant to shake Michael into an immediate depression. They try for a gentler tone.

“You know, Michael. Our father has been gone for over a decade. He left no formal plans, he's sent no word. By any standard, he's abdicated. Perhaps this isn’t the right time to introduce a political marriage. Perhaps we should consider your assuming the kingship, and then come back around to formalizing your relationship with Dean—”

Michael, of course, is against this. Because their father is alive, and he will come back, and it will not be to find that another one of his sons had greedily tried to usurp the throne.

Seeing Michael about to fall back onto a familiar tangent, Raphael chooses the lesser of two evils and takes the conversation back to “Dean.” They ask which out of the two of them proposed to the other.

Michael abruptly realizes that he's forgotten something.

Meanwhile, Adam starts his morning on a much happier note. His headache is less punishing than Michael’s, and while feeling the normal amount of embarrassment that comes with drinking a little too much, the feeling does not extend to kissing Michael. His mother’s safe, he’s nailing his Dean impression, and Michael apparently likes him. Things could not be better. Until Adam remembers how the latter two items on that list are linked.

Michael is not like a classmate back home, who he could chat up, get a drink with, and maybe start seeing regularly if all things went well. Michael is, in fact, the acting ruler of one of the most powerful countries in the world, which just so happens to be at war with Adam’s, and under the explicit impression that Adam is similarly situated in the world.

Adam promptly begins freaking out.

And then Michael finds him.

Adam’s in the library at the time. Michael walks in and quietly dismisses Adam’s guards, and Kevin, leaving the two of them completely alone. Adam doesn’t realize what Michael’s doing right away, though he’s spent enough time with Michael to recognize how nervous he is as he starts talking about a proposal to end the war—selling the idea, as if Michael wouldn’t be enough on his own—and then sheepishly tapering into the idea that both he and Adam seem to have feelings for one another. And if Adam were able to go back in time and strangle his tipsy past self, he would, because then he wouldn’t have to see the look on Michael’s face when he says no.

And no, Michael does not understand.

Adam can hear years of living in the public eye at work in Michael voice, as he just manages to keep his voice level in asking, “Even if it would mean peace?”

"I'm sorry, I just—I can't."

". . .I see."

Michael excuses himself, and Adam collapses onto a couch, assuring himself that no was the only right answer, and he shouldn’t feel terrible—which, of course, since Adam’s spent the last couple of months flirting with Michael while posing as someone else, is not an easy idea to buy into.

Michael and Adam avoid eye contact at dinner, even as Raphael—who has zero doubts as to who initiated what the night before—practically burns holes into Adam’s skin with the looks they shoot down the table.

And then a messenger comes in. One of the wealthiest duchies in the kingdom (the same one that had once supported Lucifer, and of course would be populated with demon characters in the narrative) has declared its independence, having formed an alliance with the Campbells, and has launched an attack not far from the castle. Several villages have already been attacked along the way. Michael accompanies the armed forces he sends out to quash the uprising.

Raphael is left behind to fortify the castle and take in the refugees, who the messenger assured them are not far behind. Unlike Michael, Raphael rarely saw combat. Officially, it was because Raphael had adamantly insisted on training as a healer rather than a warrior, which was true enough. Unofficially though, Michael and Raphael are both fully aware that if anything happened to Michael, Raphael is the only one left to inherent the crown.

Samandirel and Anael escort Adam back to his room. Samandriel assures Adam that no one thinks he had anything to do with the duchy double crossing them, but it would probably just be safer for Adam to stay out of sight until things calm down. Anael is more closed-lipped about the situation.

From his window, Adam watches the first of the villagers come trickling in, and even from his vantage point he can make out burn wounds, makeshift bandages and hastily thrown together tourniquets, and he’s in hell, because it seems the only two options in front of him are to worry about Michael, or feel absolutely sick with guilt because he’s a trained physician and he should be down there helping.

Finally he pokes his head out into the corridor and asks if someone can find Kevin for him. Anael raises an eyebrow that “Dean,” who’s usually inordinately self-suffice for a prince, is suddenly insisting that he needs to see his manservant, but Samandriel is already helpfully heading down the hall. A few minutes later, Kevin is in Adam’s room, confused, as Adam asks him to take off his clothes.

“You can have mine, just switch with me, okay?”

“Uuh. . . Don’t you think mine will be a little tight on you—”

“Less talk! Strip!”

Michael had probably errored in assigning the same two guards to watch over Adam. After a year, the three of them had gotten to be on fairly familiar terms. Adam waited until Samandriel started to get chatty, and slipped quietly out of his room when Anael was distracted—neither of them having had any reason to think Adam would try to escape, because he had been nothing but compliant since the day he arrived.

From there, he goes straight to the infirmary.

Raphael had set up tents in the courtyard to accommodate the high number of people in need of care. Adam was a year out of practice, but the atmosphere was still familiar to him, and he slipped into the chaos unnoticed. Raphael doesn’t notice him until they are well into the thick of things, and Adam’s as covered in grime and gore as anyone else present. Adam had just gone for more bandages and the two of them nearly ran into each other, and for a split second Adam thinks Raphael just might not recognize him until hand closes around his arm like a vice.

“What exactly are YOU doing here?”

Then Raphael notices the stitches Adam had just finished putting in for his latest patient—and Adam’s stitchwork is immaculate, not the clumsy, half-hazard work of a solider who picked up the mechanics of it over the course of their career.

"YOU did that?"

Adam starts to fumble out an answer, but they are interrupted because then Michael is being brought in. The fighting is over. Raphael and Adam promptly drop everything.

Michael has a concussion. He’s also been lightly stabbed. You know, just lightly. Needs stitches though. Raphael is adamant that Adam leave immediately, but Michael, who is delirious, sees Adam and absolutely refuses to let Raphael send him away. Raphael winds up patching Michael together while Adam—annoyingly, to Raphael—is sat next to him, holding Michael’s hand. Adam winds up sitting next to Michael all night, because it’s the only way to keep Michael from getting up and tearing his stitches like a feverish moron.

Initially, Raphael refuses to leave too, not trusting their brother’s suspiciously competent love interest, whose family was purportedly allied with the traitors who’d just attacked their people. There are still more wounded to tend to, however, and Raphael begrudgingly has to step away—making sure to leave orders that a guard be present in the room the entire time that Raphael is gone.

Little does Raphael know, Adam would have lowkey given a limb to have Raphael stay. Michael’s demeanor is a lot less closed off when he’s feverish and concussed. Shortly after Raphael leaves, Michael starts apologizing for proposing earlier, and Adam feels like he’s been stabbed in the gut. And as he’s lying there, looking at Adam’s hand in his, Michael starts saying things he would not normally blurt out—like that ending the war was not the main reason he wanted to marry Adam, because the last year has been the best he can remember, and it is entirely due to spending time with Adam—even if Adam was only there by obligation—and he would do anything to make Adam happy, even if they weren’t together—and Adam is just stuck there, highkey dying on the inside.

Then Michael sees his face.

"I apologize, you’ve already said you do not want to marry me, I should not have brought this up—”

Michael starts to get out of bed completely unconcerned about his stab wounds, and as Adam’s pushing him back down, the words “That’s not true!” just sort of. . .fly out.

Then Michael’s suddenly looking at Adam, and his face is suddenly very sober, and Adam can feel his own face turning red.

"That is, I. . ." Adam realizes, suddenly, that he’s fucked. Telling Michael the truth is somehow both the right and wrong thing to do at the same time, and Michael is definitely in no condition to hear it either way. “How about, if you still want to marry me when all this is over, then I’ll say yes?”

The next morning is a string of stressful events for Adam. Raphael shooed him out of Michael room at dawn, and Adam went straight back to his own. Kevin, Samandriel, and Anael had all been reprimanded for Adam’s escape, with the latter two being replaced as Adam’s guard under Raphael’s orders. His first interaction with Ishim and Maribel does not bode well for them becoming friends.

When Adam tells Kevin that he’s thinking about coming clean to Michael, Kevin panics. News from the Winchesters had dried up weeks ago, even for Michael and Raphael’s sources. Kevin argues that they’d be better off attempting to escape on their own if the charade was getting to be too much for Adam, especially after last night—but even then, they should wait awhile longer. Why take any chances right now? And Adam doesn’t know how to go about explaining the why. . .

And it gets taken out of his hands anyway, when they step out of the room and find that it’s somehow leaked that Adam and Michael—who had completely misunderstood what Adam meant by “when all this is over”—are engaged.

Kevin doesn’t get another moment alone with Adam to discuss how stupidly dangerous this whole situation is, and Adam, no matter how hard he tries—can’t seem to get a moment alone with his fiancé to try to explain that the situation is not what he thinks it is. Everyone had vastly underestimated how far the rumors about Michael and Adam secretly courting had gone, and Adam can barely take three steps without a noble or courtier or someone pulling him aside to offer their congratulations, and as Adam gets closer to Michael’s chambers, there’s Raphael, circling like a shark and Adam does not want to make his confession to Raphael before he sees Michael.

Come dinner time, Adam finds that his seat had been reassigned. He now sits directly to Michael’s left. He keeps trying to convince Michael to step out into the hall with him for a second, while Raphael, seated in their normal place to Michael’s right, continuously circumvents him, firmly believing that Adam has done more than enough in private.

Then there’s a scream. A servant comes running out into the dining hall, carrying a bloody knife. They run up to Michael—up until the guards step forward to stop her, but she’s not attacking. Instead she hands over the knife and says that she found in the corridor outside the king’s chambers. She had been worried, so she broke protocol and went in. The king’s bed was drenched in blood.

Adam looks over and feels a chill when he recognizes the same knife that had been included in the murder kit he found in his room on day one.

If Raphael had looked up, Adam had no doubt that Raphael would have read something in his face, but they didn’t get the chance to. Michael and Raphael are busy staring at each, the only ones in the room who know beyond any doubt that the implication could not be true, because there had not been anyone in that bed to assassinate in over ten years. Neither of them is given the chance to try to spin the knife’s implications in any direction, however. While the court is still reeling in shocked silence, a guard walks in—completely oblivious—and announces that a messenger has arrived with urgent news.

Adam looks up, and finds he has room to panic more, when he sees Anna Milton walk in, a serving maid in the Winchester court, and as she drops a curtsey to Michael, she identifies herself as one of Raphael’s spies. She had held her place in the Winchester court for as long as she could, but when her real identity had been uncovered she’d had no choice but to flee, and she’s come with monumental news. The civil war across the channel has ended, the Campbells having been forced to seek asylum with their allies outside the kingdom, John Winchester deposed, and Dean Winchester installed on the throne in his place. She had witnessed his coronation herself the very day they identified her.

And Adam feels very cold, as if his blood had actually managed to turn into ice, which would have explained why he couldn’t seem to move, as every eye in the room immediately turns to him.

 And that would be the end of part one.

[northern-passage]

hello i hope you are having a good day/night was wanting to ask if you did write any other games before this one or did you publish stories or something,,, i am trying to work on an IF but this is my first time and i do write but i have never published anything i also usually get bored fast and just yeah your story is so so good and you put a lot of effort and work into it just wondering if you have any tips or advice like the thought of publishing something is terrifying and i don’t know if i can do it i just don’t have faith in myself

i have not published anything before this!!!

i worked as an editor in college for our creative writing club/group and do technically have credit for that as we did publish an anthology together but i never submitted anything myself to be published, i just helped behind the scenes.

ive always done a bit of writing here and there for myself, and have had story ideas brewing in my mind but nothing i’ve ever gone out and finished or anything. kinda just writing for myself before this. technically i’ve always been much more of a reader than a writer.....

and like. i worked on the tnp prologue for...hmm.....maybe a month before i published it on the forums? part of that was simply mental illness x LOL i got fixated and it wasn’t healthy and i also already had a lot of the story beforehand because it was going to be a dnd campaign... but that’s not the point. i wrote the prologue and was kinda just sitting with it before biting the bullet and posting it. and i didnt really read a lot of interactive fiction before this last summer. i just happened to follow an artist that was into it and that was how i got introduced to everything and realized it was something i could just do!!! and that it would be a cool way to share a story and get feedback

i published my demo in august and like...whew if u read the first version of the prologue u get a veteran’s discount. it wasn’t BAD but it needed a lot of work. it sucks getting criticisms and that’s definitely...a big thing to get over in the beginning. the mortifying ordeal of sharing ur writing. but it’s helped me A Lot and tnp is only as good as it is because i decided to share it and subject myself to the mortifying ordeal lmao

also getting bored is something that happens! it just does. all creatives get bored with their work sometimes or just move on but it doesnt make u any less of a writer or artist or anything. there’s that one tiktok by ghosthoney....taking a break even if it’s for years doesnt take away from the fact that you’re a creator.

my biggest tips are just. first things first you just gotta go for it. just start writing, even if you don’t publish it. don’t feel like you NEED to publish stuff, especially if you’re not ready, and never feel like you need to ‘rush’ or anything. you have all the time in the world to write at ur own pace. and while i can’t promise u that one day you’ll wake up and just be like “i’m ready” a la spongebob...there will definitely come a day where u just make that jump. that’s what i did

second is try not to compare urself to others too much, especially when it comes to like...numbers? so like word counts, followers, updates, etc. like everyone writes at their own pace and some ppl are fast as hell whereas others take a lot longer and it’s just something that is personal. don’t compare the attention someone else might get to what you get - some ppl just have more vocal audiences than others and it doesnt mean ur any less appreciated. also being on the internet be sure to set ur own boundaries, what ur comfortable with, etc. 

and again...publishing stuff does take courage and you gotta be ready for feedback. some of it will be genuinely helpful...some of it will not. and especially with IF, people might try and pressure you to make things a certain way. that was one thing i wasn’t really expecting? and sometimes as i said suggestions are actually helpful, because you really can’t think of everything on your own and another set of eyes helps round out choices, but there are also some that want things to go in a completely different direction and you got to make sure it’s actually something YOU want, something that fits the story, and not just something you’re doing to please readers.

the tone and setting of tnp and the fact that i have a bit of a more defined mc makes some of the suggestions i get just....not good LOL and you just got be ready to filter that kind of feedback

and with writing to publish, keep in mind that people’s tastes are unpredictable. you can almost never guess how people will react or what they will like, and something not being immediately popular doesn't mean it's bad or you should change the way you're writing, though you will want to keep ur audience in mind. and as for your audience, you may not attract the people you expect, and there’s really no way to control that - but again setting your own boundaries is most important, first and foremost.

posting stuff publicly is really just a wild card. there’s no one universal experience - it’s unpredictable, it’s scary, it’s hard, but it can also be really really rewarding

i also will say i got lucky that about a month and half? maybe? after i published my demo i joined an authors server that has been a HUGE help. i could totally hit u with that if you’re interested!! having a group of authors to talk to that “get it” is very nice. definitely try to interact with and follow other authors you like - in my experience they almost are always down to answer questions and offer help :-)