#something something the way they were both created to fulfill the desires of a man. being literally objectified (reduced to 'parts')

[gayrogues]

"what if herbert west and [insert other horror weirdguy] made out" interesting but consider the following: what if the bride from bride of re-animator and elizabeth from frankenhooker made out

[communistkenobi]

Another issue that seems to fuel effemimania is our cultural tendency to sexualize femininity and femaleness in all its forms. While countless feminist writers and theorists have analyzed the ways in which the sexualization of femaleness and femininity permeates virtually every aspect of our culture and has a negative impact on most women's lives, they have typically ignored the way this tendency creates an environment in which "male femininity" is almost always considered in purely sexual terms. For example, most popular images and impressions of trans women revolve around sexuality: from "she-male" and "chicks with dicks" pornography to media portrayals of us as sexual deceivers, prostitutes, and sex workers. And of course, there are the recurring themes of trans women who transition in order either to gain the sexual attention of men or to fulfill some kind of bizarre sex fantasy (both of which appear regularly in the media, and also in Bailey and Blanchard's model of MTF transgenderism). In this context, it's easy to understand why Bailey and Blanchard were able to get away with proposing a homosexual/autogynephilic model for MTF spectrum trans people without ever being challenged by their professional peers to apply their theories to FTM spectrum trans people. To do so would require these predominantly straight- and male-identified gatekeepers to view masculinity and maleness in purely erotic terms--in other words, to reduce maleness to the status of mere sexual object (something that they would be loath to do in the unlikely event that this line of reasoning ever crossed their minds). This unwillingness to sexualize masculinity to the extent that femininity is sexualized explains why the gatekeepers endlessly dwelled on every perceived nuance and variation that occurred in the sexual practices and fantasies of the MTF spectrum population while simultaneously adamantly claiming that there was no such thing as female transvestism, no erotic component to FTM crossdressing, and no such thing as a gay-identified trans man.

— Whipping Girl, pp 134-135 (2nd Ed)

Serano also talks about how transmascs were routinely viewed as more “psychologically stable” compared to transfems by medical professionals because it was seen as “basically rational” for a woman to want to be a man, but hysterical, pathological, and disturbing for a man to want to be a woman. Furthermore, trans women were routinely at the whims of the sexual desires of the professionals who oversaw their medical transition, with many doctors outright stating in medical documentation that they used their own levels of sexual attraction to their transfem patients as the basis for whether they would refer them for surgery or not. And on the flip side, if trans women were too feminine, too attractive to the cishet male doctors, they would be accused of faking or exaggerating for attention, while trans men were praised for their performance of masculinity and escaped the sexual eye of the overwhelmingly straight doctors - because it would be gay to do so, and of course these doctors aren’t gay! How dare you even suggest that!

The conclusion ultimately is that there is no good way to be a woman - trans women are stuck in a double bind where they must perform an incredibly rigid standard of femininity in order to be given access to hormones, and are then punished if they “go overboard” or their performance of femininity doesn’t suite the sexual tastes of the doctors who gatekeep their ability to transition. This is again where transmisogyny has a massive amount of explanatory power as a concept, and why trans men do not face this same double-bind - our masculinity can be denied as fraudulent, and often is, but the act of pursuing masculinity in the first place is seen as a genuine, taken-for-granted common sense pursuit, a “mercy” that is not afforded to our transfem siblings.

This is not to pit transmascs against transfems, but to acknowledge the basic reality that our masculinity provides us with some bargaining power in medical and psychiatric contexts, not because trans men don’t face discrimination or transphobia, but because we have the ability to be rewarded by patriarchy for our identity as men - which is itself a violently misogynistic privilege. This fact should enrage you, not towards trans women for pointing this very obvious and basic fact out to you, but towards the people and institutions conducting this violence in broad daylight

[pinkworldone]

Anyway, just imagine Sunday and Robin as royal people, I believe very similar to what we have in the game, they being famous and influential throughout Penacony. But let's extend this to a more medieval and Manhwas-like view.

You were created with only one purpose: to take Sunday and Robin to victory, even if your life has to be sacrificed for this goal to occur, to make Sunday an emperor and Princess Robin, your goal was to make her happy and marry a good match. A rich man that she truly loved.

So, in this idea, we would have an obsessed reader who loses your own wills only to complete the goal given to you, while we would have two yanderes or perhaps one, of your choice, actively pursuing the reader.

You need and will make them perfect in everything, not in a forced way but careful so that they do not go crazy with the pressure of being Penacony's face. In addition,  you know them since they were little, friends as children that soon became something bigger for them, however, but for you. This was just your duty.

You sacrificed everything most precious, your relationships, your health… your life so that they had everything good and the best, so that they would rise in life and you could watch with pride, they didn't even need to thank you.

Therefore, you had to get closer to Sunday and help him in the complicated moments of your life, properly instruct him in his duties and help him whenever you can. Just as you help him in dance and education classes, you almost always hesitated to touch him, but you were kind and reluctant, always respecting his personal space, even if years later he does not respect yours.

The dearest and adorable Robin quickly warms up to you when you were children, she appreciates that you are kind and critical with your words, always being careful not to hurt her heart. Robin lives in this fantasy of you always being together just like children, she felt very hurt and sad when she saw you only neutral, an empty shell that serves to accept and fulfill her desires, so Robin does her best to help you in the things you show the least of interest.

Relating better, you had to give up your own existence and personality when you had to serve both of you, so they had to see your smile disappear so fast that it was painful, to see your healthy self to become more and more psychologically degraded and physically exhausted.

Soon, you realize that the dance classes are getting longer and the touches look different next to Sunday, it seems wrong and too affectionate. He insists on always training so that it is perfect and you appreciate it, but training every day is painful, but you don't care, your body... your life is not important like that, so just accept and follow your master's orders.

Robin keeps doing her best to make you smile, especially leading you to do things you liked when you were little to feel that nice feeling of nostalgia and maybe see the slightest smile on your face. You have become her stage and even tired, on the verge of exhaustion, you continue and support her. So, as Robin knows that you will obey her anyway, she forces you to rest next to her, lying under the flowers and looking at the beautiful blue sky.

[halsteadlover]

𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐘𝐨𝐮

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Fem!Reader.

• Requested by @hart-kinsella: Maybe him and mc are working undercover (but they're married in real life) and a guy tries too hard with her (takes her by the arm and invades her personal space as well as trying to flirt with her with words) and then Jay tells him that and punches him. They could be at a club like that one episode when he and Hailey (and Kevin, maybe? I don't remember exactly) were undercover - unfortunately I don't recall which season it was.

• Warnings: mention of drugs, violence.

• Word count: 1543.

• A/N: I know this is not my best work and I apologize 😭 but I managed to quickly write it so I can post something ❤️ and tell me why I stayed for half an hour staring at the wall to think about a title and I ended up with this one 😭 btw love you all and thank you always for your support

It was no secret Jay sometimes hated undercover missions. Especially if you were involved.

He couldn’t help it. He knew you were an amazing cop, one of the best he ever worked with, capable of defending yourself in any circumstances but since you were also his wife, he couldn’t help but worry about you.

And this case was no different.

You and Jay were undercover due to a drug trafficking case, him as a potential buyer interested in purchasing the drugs, you as his work partner who had set up the connection with Joshua Ryder, the criminal suspected of being the gang’s leader.

Jay was on the verge of losing his mind, not being able to stay still and acting like nothing was happening.

You were both in a club, sitting in a VIP room while you talked with Ryder and convince him to make a deal with you. The rest of the team were instead in some fake company’s vans listening to your conversations in real time.

However, things started to go wrong when Jay noticed one of the traffickers approaching you in a way he didn’t like at all.

“Are you here to do business or watch her like a hawk?” the gang leader had insisted for the umpteenth time while for the umpteenth time Jay directed his gaze towards you who continued to giggle with fake enthusiasm with one of Ryder’s henchmen.

You were uncomfortable, as with any mission that involved getting close to another man other than your husband. You knew it was your job, that you had a duty to fulfill and your private life had to stay out of it but sometimes it wasn’t that easy.

“You sure you don’t want anything to drink, sugar?” Asked the man who insistently continued to hit on you. You didn’t even know his name – or care to know – but you smiled anyway with fake naivety, slightly shaking your head.

You quickly glanced at Jay who was sitting in front of you, noticing he was busy talking to Ryder, but his gaze met yours for a moment. It was brief but in that simple look you understood he too had noticed that guy’s insistence. Jay had his arms crossed over his chest, breathing heavy, his jaw clenched as he saw how this man insisted on getting closer to you.

He was disgusting, he smelled of alcohol from miles away, and you had to repress the urge to vomit and the instinct to punch his ugly face.

The man approached further, sliding on the sofa towards you and you moved back, trying to create further distance but without making it obvious and making him suspicious.

“You know, my boss is quite jealous of his employees, you shouldn’t be so close to me,” you falsely giggled but he didn’t seem to get the hint, in fact, it seemed to amuse him even more.

“We’re all one big family here darling, what’s mine is someone else’s and what’s someone else’s is mine…” He rested an arm on the back of the sofa behind your shoulders and although he hadn’t even touched you, you felt your skin crawl and the urgent need to throw yourself into an acid bath. “If you want to do business with us your boss will have to learn how to share… Especially with such a beautiful and gracious girl like you.”

The desire to kick him in the balls was intense and you wondered what kind of woman would really fall for these words.

Jay was on the verge of losing his mind.

He was trying.

He was really trying but it was so fucking hard to stay still and not react when that son of a bitch was being a creep with his wife. Ryder was talking to him about something he didn’t even care about, but he couldn’t pay attention and process a single word, too focused on you.

He couldn’t help but glance at you every now and then, running a hand on his jaw in frustration and starting to fidget on the spot as he saw the man getting closer and closer to you and invading your personal space, like touching your hair or caress your shoulder.

It wasn’t jealousy, he could never be jealous of a filthy man like him but he deeply hated not being able to do anything to keep you safe without ruining the whole mission. He hated seeing you so tense and uncomfortable although from the way your hands were balled into fists in your lap, he knew you too were itching to punch him.

He hated having to pretend you were simply his work partner and not his wife.

But he swore he saw red when that man’s clammy hand rested on your face and your eyes widened at the contact as your entire body froze in place.

Fuck the mission and these motherfuckers too.

Jay lost control.

That slimy hand on you had driven him crazy and before he knew it, he had stood up and grabbed the man’s hand with his, punching him in the face with all the strength in his body. He didn’t catch the gasp that escaped you and he didn’t even care he had just ruined any chance of doing ‘business’ with Ryder along with the possibility of framing him. While his fist hit that bastard again and again, all he could do was think of those hands on you.

“That’s my fucking wife you motherfucker!” Jay screamed in his face, holding him by the collar of his shirt as the man spat out blood, struggling to keep up with the fury of the undercover detective. “Let me catch you again putting a hand on her or even just looking her way, I’ll enjoy breaking your fingers one by one before throwing you in jail.”

Everything was now chaos.

The team, who in the meantime had witnessed everything through your hidden cameras, burst in when they realized the situation had now worsened to the point of no return. You tried to pull Jay away from the man, but it was totally useless, not when he was so furious that your strength was no match for his.

Ryder was fuming when he realized you were cops and you had tried to frame him, swearing he’d make you pay dearly while Kevin handcuffed him along with the rest of his goons.

“Baby,” you called back but Jay didn’t look at you right away. You stood outside the club under Voight’s orders, a hand on his bicep and caressing him as you tried to get his attention. You were alone in a little corner, waiting for your boss for his inevitable fury.

“You okay?” He asked, his voice low but finally focusing his gaze on you.

You let out a laugh trying to diffuse the tension, you hated seeing him so furious. “You are ask me if I’m okay? I’m not the one who just punched a guy.”

He sighed, tearing his eyes away from you as he ran his hands over his face with frustration. Your heart clenched at the sight of his red and bruised knuckles. “I wish I had killed him to be honest.”

“Jay I don’t want you to get hurt because of me,” you replied, taking his hands in yours and leaving a kiss on the back of them, smiling when you saw his hard features start to soften at the gesture. “I could’ve handled him, I wouldn’t have let him go any further.”

“I know you could baby, you’re amazing,” he softy spoke, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. He took a step towards you, closing the distance enough you had to slightly lift your head up to look into his eyes. “But there’s no way on earth that I would have sat there and watched while that son of a bitch put his hands on you.”

He cupped your face with his hands, his thumbs caressing your heated cheeks. “No one gets to put a hand on you, much less against your will. You’re my wife, I’m the only bastard who can touch you and I will gladly kill anyone who dares to do it instead of me, am I clear?”

You let out a breath, almost on the verge of passing out right there and now in his arms. “God baby I want to suck your dick so bad right now. I love when you get so protective of me, it’s so hot.”

Jay burst out laughing, his stomach clenching in anticipation knowing you would stand by your words. He pulled you into a hug and you rested your head on his chest as you wrapped your arms around him. “I’ll always keep you safe, I won’t let anyone touch a single hair of your head, I hope you know it. God knows I would set the city on fire to protect you.”

“I know baby, I love you so damn much it’s insane,” you deeply inhaled the smell of his cologne, leaving a kiss on his shirt coated chest. “But I hope it’s worth it because Voight is coming and I think he’s ready to take us both out,” you continued when you broke away from the hug and saw your boss coming up behind Jay, a furious look on his face.

“Oh yeah, it’ll always be worth it, especially for the amazing blowjob you’ll give me later.”

General tag list: @hngbrooks, @alexxavicry, @halstead-severide-fan, @mrspeacem1nusone, @allivs, @omniaimy, @cursedashes, @kmc1989, @firetruckstuckley, @23victoria, @buckybarnessweetheart, @fanaticlove16, @ajordan2020, @multi-fandom-lover7667, @klovesreading

Jay Halstead tag list: @nosy09, @Cbaby, @luvreading67, @danielmarie, @Saiyuo12, @annahargrove, @nachodaze, @waywardhunter95, @fighterkimburgess, @ephemeral3, @mads-weasley, @itskellysev, @Lovemedlife, @atarmychick007, @amazedbyitall, @glodessa, @xeleni-dutchnurse, @ossypooh, @itriedtoexplain, @randomwriter1021, @averyhotchner, @ellevandeberg, @junevoidzombie, @nocturnalherb16, @croissantthief, @jayhalsteadsbadge, @youngblood199456, @burgstead, @bebataylor84, @ares-kelani-wayne, @lxna-mikaelsxn, @sande5098, @smoothdogsgirl, @withakindheartx, @Jess2013, @maddu-oliveira, @lovemesomepietro, @onechicagodrawings, @Jinxfan18, @xeleni-nurse, @Firerusher, @ready-hit-it, @Rainroo2, @smutl0ver, @kuroe-san, @caroldanverwife, @dreamss-wavess, @halsteadloversworld, @laaaauuraaaaa, @itserickalove, @slytherlight, @notanordinaryprincess95, @goingwiththewind, @mel0809, @cadyfanninger, @acewritesfics, @wickedlovely121, @iloveest, @instantpizzacat, @novabckly, @thatcrimeshowchick, @wnbweasley, @anaferreira-4, @tkappi

Click here to be added to the tag list

Main Masterlist

Jay Halstead Masterlist

Support me on Ko-Fi ☕️

Side blog -> @halsteadloverslibrary

Ask link 💭

[gooppoo]

i know you have a lot in your plate but neteyam kissing reader for the first time while fucking her?? he’s not a kissing guy but my man folded for reader lmfao (write it when your request will be open if you’d like to!”

– 🍤 anon

awe dis is so cute <3

Just a kiss.

Requests Closed!!

mdni.

warnings: p in v, kissing duh, Neteyam kinda just being a cutie pie ig and agedup!Neteyam ofc

The whole point of missionary is to see each others faces.

You're supposed to hold each other, cuddle, get tangled up in each others limbs.

Kiss.

Usually kissing is synonymous (sometimes required) in order for the deed to be done, but Neteyam had proved otherwise. He wasn't big on the idea of kissing, in fact you two had never kissed. This might usually deter people, but there was an odd charm about it.

Saving your first kiss for something super special. Besides him literally being inside of you, a kiss was incredibly intimate. But you didn't always need to kiss to be intimate. Neteyam knew how to get your tail flicking and you steamy just with a few touches. He'd always tease the idea of a kiss, and somehow that frustration would manifest into desire which opened your flood gates for him. With his magic fingers he'd have you cumming once, and with his dick, cumming twice...sometimes three times.

But never a kiss.

Sometimes you'd want to kiss him after a long session, just because you were overflowing with endorphins and wanted to find another way to express your appreciation. But you held back, respecting Neteyam and you in a way - because you knew when the time came it would be amazing.

So you're in that position now. It started with you and Neteyam doing your duties around the clan, and when he finished up he came by to watch you until you were done. You were preparing food for some of the children and elderly you looked after when Neteyam snuck up behind you and danced his fingers around the front of your torso. His tail tickled your thigh and he hummed in the crook of your neck. Sweetly, he swayed you back and forth, even beginning to hum a song...

then you felt him against your ass.

He must've been pent up all day. So you teased him by moving your hips against his, offering him a pathetic amount of friction. He sighed into your shoulder.

"What's going on back there?" You murmured, continuing to prepare food.

His warm breath and sultry lips found your ear, "I have been thinking about you all day. I think about the noises you make and I get hot. Let me make you feel good."

Not long after that you had your duties fulfilled, we're back at your shared space, and had Neteyam pressing inside of you. The fill was familiar but still as toe curling as the first time.

One hand cradled your head, the other slotted under your arm and keeping him from releasing all his weight onto you. Your legs were on his hips, fingers in his hair or tickling his face. Neteyam had set a loving pace with a wonderful angle so he could hear you gasp and whine. Even his pelvis ground against your clit, hitting all the marks.

Like clockwork, your sweat began to mix and your legs and arms began to shift to find a better way to just be closer and to feel each other better. With the little prep you had, Neteyam had unintentionally trained you to be lustful for him at the feel of his fingers, or the embarrassing imprint of him on your backside. As fun as foreplay could be, sometimes diving in really added a level of intensity you both enjoyed.

With your climax's on the horizon, Neteyam pulled away from your sweat clad torso to view you in all your glory. A few strands of hair framing your face, eyes half lidded and loving, lips parted for your genuine moans to slip out.

And though these were individual things Neteyam loved to see while he was drilling into you, everything combined to create a gorgeous being that he was over the moon for.

You were beautiful.

Even when your back arched and your jaw dropped you were just fantastic. It was like this every time. And every time he wanted to kiss you, but for a reason unknown, it didn't pique his interest. The intentions were there, but following through was daunting.

He had denied you long enough.

With you clenching around him and wriggling through your orgasm, Neteyam caught your attention with his hand cupping your cheek and leaned down.

For a second he hovered, your eye lashes kissing more than your lips. Your noses bumped against each other's cheeks. Even your nipples grazed his chest. It was when Neteyam finished inside of you, he let that gap close, you joining the effort.

Your lips slotted together so well, so affectionately. He hummed and you purred, both of you seeing shooting stars behind your eyes. There was an extra heartbeat in Neteyam's chest.

Your mate loved fucking you, he really did. But this new combination of the delicacy of a kiss mixed with the roughness happening below your loincloths was something to behold. With you, no less.

While there were fireworks, there was also a deep sense of home. He now new there was no reason to be afraid, and there never was. He was glad he reserved this moment because it sealed his enamor for you in a number of ways.

After realizing breathing was a necessary function, you both momentarily gasped for air. Immediately, your gazes met and observed the fluctuation in your pupils. You swore you saw little hearts twinkling about. All you could do was smile and pull him back in for another one. What else was there to do but soak up this moment?

And when Neteyam's lips collided with yours, the fireworks erupted again! And again, and again. Even when you two had cleaned up and called it an evening, Neteyam wanted to swoop in and kiss you, it was his way of saying, "I love you."

[wntrs0ldier]

An Offer · part 05

pairing: mob!bucky x reader words: 4,4k warnings: typical mafia (dark themes, language, violence, etc.)

<previous part | next part> | series masterlist

series summary: When your father dies, the only thing you can do for your family and the empire he built, is to marry a powerful man.

chapter sneak peek: “It's time for you to go, I suppose. Is that correct, boy?”

You nearly winced at how patronizing Michael addressed Bucky. It was almost insulting, meant to put Bucky back in his place. He, however, looked composed, but you got to know him well enough to be aware that he would rip Michael's head off if the opportunity arose.

At first you saw it as a nightmare, the meeting with John Walker. No matter how many times you told yourself you were fulfilling your duty to the Family, fear, uncertainty and stress were the only things that duty brought you. Yet, given the darkest scenarios swirling in your mind, and memories of the meeting with Brock Rumlow, John seemed like a really decent type. 

He invited you to dinner to one of the most expensive, top rated restaurants in the city. To get in, it was usually necessary to make a reservation several weeks in advance. Suspecting that his highly influential uncle had a hand in the whole venture, you appreciated the effort anyway. You were surprised, however, that John didn't give up, didn’t take the path of least resistance, despite the fact that you hadn't shown any interest so far. 

Without being gross or intrusive, he complimented the red dress you wore; asked about your work and hobbies, didn't mention business. You felt like you were on a real date, moreover, a nice one. Seeing that jumping from Brock to John wasn't going from bad to worse let you feel at ease. For the first time in, it seemed, an eternity.

Despite everything, there was something missing. You had no desire to throw yourself at John, no curiosity about what his lips tasted like. Essentially, you didn't need that in an arranged marriage, but guessed there will be time for everything. With Bucky, though, time was necessary – all you needed was a single look. But he wasn’t an option.

“Wow, that was… beautiful,” John claimed after you laughed at the joke he told. In reality, you were amused by how unfunny and stupid the joke was. Perhaps the consumed alcohol and the pleasant atmosphere also played a part. 

“Well… Thank you,” you said, lifting a glass of wine to your lips. When you emptied it, John immediately came with a refill. “Don't you think we should talk about business?” 

“What exactly do you want to talk about?”

“How would that work,” you suggested with a casual shrug. “You haven't mentioned an agreement yet, so I suspect you haven't prepared one. That's a bit…” You hesitated, wondering briefly if you would offend him with your choice of words. “Strange, considering, you know, the nature of our profession.”

John smiled, then hung his head and shook it. “I guess we'll just have to trust each other. Not to sound like an asshole, but I've heard that Rumlows have backed out. At least for now. If not them, your father's business will be ruined, leaving your Family with nothing. I also know that Stark has started to turn his nose at your partnership. You’re in a bind, Y/N. And I want to do this the easy way. No complex agreement, just some basic arrangements.” He raised his hands up in surrender.

You were struck by how honest and straightforward he was. Fair to both of you. 

“But… Why?” You asked quietly. “Why are you so nice about it?” 

“You don’t know?” He pretended to be surprised. “I've always wanted you, and now I have my chance. I don't want to do it through a system of rules and punishments. Not too bad, right? And taking charge of what your father created will help me strengthen my position.”

There was a moment of silence as John gave you time to process what he just said. Soon, however, he grabbed his glass and raised it for a small toast.

“So, what'll it be? Can I keep trying or are you giving up on me?”

It was clear that he wasn't really offering you a choice – you could only decide how to play it; keep John at a distance, or make it easier for him to approach you, let him court you.

Having clinked glasses, you both drank the wine, but you could barely taste it. Only the bitterness that the future was to bring. At this point you thought you were prepared for a marriage without love or at least friendship, but the closer you got to one, the more panic you felt. Being aware that the whole situation was difficult, you still didn't expect such a burden.

“Don’t worry,” John added, seeing the concern on your face. “Maybe one day you'll love me. Maybe when kids come along.” He shrugged. Your eyes widened, but John didn't mind it. “What? Someone will have to take care of your father's legacy in case we're gone, don't you think?” He smiled sincerely. You wondered if he was already fantasizing about the future with you. 

Destroying the atmosphere with the shock you experienced wasn’t part of your intentions. The only right idea was to kill the negative feelings with a little more alcohol, so you asked John to refill your glass again, and he did so with pleasure. While dipping your lips in the wine, your eyes wandered mindlessly around the room until they landed on a familiar face – the last person you expected to be here.

You choked, and the sticky drink dripped down your chin. A momentary, barely noticeable panic crossed Bucky's face as he watched you carefully from his table – as if he was concerned that you might have choked to death. However, he stayed in place; rushing to help you would have exposed him.

“Oh God, are you all right?” John handed you a napkin right away, which you accepted and wiped your chin with a few delicate taps to avoid washing off your makeup. 

“I’m sorry. Gone down the wrong way,” you struggled for breath. 

“It’s fine. Are you sure you're all right?” 

“I’m okay,” you said, still feeling the aftertaste of wine deep in your throat. “Excuse me for a moment.” Grabbing your purse, you got up from the table.

“Of course.” John also stood up from his seat, watching you walk away towards the toilets.

You put your bag next to the sink and focused on your reflection in the mirror. Tears, which filled your eyes as a result of choking, smudged your mascara, and the wine – just as you suspected – ruined the foundation on your chin. Yet, you weren't bothered by the poor condition of your makeup. Your thoughts revolved solely around the fact that you just saw Bucky. You would’ve been tempted to treat it as a mere coincidence, if not for him staring directly at you. It was probably his intense gaze that drew you in that direction.

The door opened, and at this point you were ready to see anyone; you wouldn't be surprised if your father decided to come back from the dead and show up here. But it was just Bucky. Again.

“What are you doing here?” You grated, crumpling a used piece of paper towel in your hand, with which you had wiped the remnants of mascara from under your eyes. 

“Are you kidding me? The wine almost came shooting out of your nose, I had to check on you.” His forehead furrowed.

“I’m not talking about the toilet! What are you doing in this restaurant?”

Squinting, Bucky thrust his hands in his pockets, and sized you up. 

“So?” You pressed, the tone of your voice impatient. 

“You really think I'd let you come out here alone?” He finally let out. Your battle ready attitude had eased somewhat, but Bucky was surveying you sternly. “You gave me your permission to protect you, remember? So I’m trying to do that.” 

“But John wanted this meeting to be more... private.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, taking a deep breath. “And nobody found that unusual?” He sneered. “You shouldn't drink that much,” he added after a moment, slightly changing the subject. 

Your brows snapped together. “I drink exactly as much as John.”

“Yeah, except John is three times your size,” he said unmoved. “Look, I'm not stopping you from anything. Drink yourself unconscious if you want. I'm just saying you should be careful around guys like John Walker.”

The urge to ask him to elaborate on the thought crossed your mind, but you didn't really have the time. You didn't want to arouse suspicion by spending too long in the toilet.

“I’ll be careful,” you promised with a sigh. “See you later..?”

Bucky's face softened with surprise, his eyebrows rose slightly. There was no trace of the earlier toughness. “Sure.”

The corners of your mouth turned up with all the tenderness you had for him. You grabbed your purse, then left.

When you returned to your table, John greeted you back with a smile – but it wasn't a smile that melted your heart, or one that caused the butterflies in your stomach to go wild. It wasn't Bucky's smile.

When the black SUV pulled over near the Barnes' mansion, you thanked the driver and dismissed him, assuring that you would be fine if you needed to get home. You left the car, reached for your high heels, which you had taken off immediately after being picked up from your date with John, and closed the door behind you. Having spotted Winnifred right away, you made your way to her. She must have been tending the flowers in front of the house up to now, as you could conclude from her gloves and knees, dirty with soil.

“Y/N, how lovely to see you again.” The warm tone of her voice and the friendly look on her face didn't allow you to even consider that she might be insincere. And although you didn't get to know George Barnes personally, you presumed that Bucky and Josephine inherited their gloomy, ironic, a bit dark and sassy way of being from him. “What brings you here, sweetheart?”

“I came to see Bucky.”

Winnifred grinned even wider. “He is at the back of the house. In the garage,” she said after a brief quietness, which she spent observing you. That's probably why you didn’t move a step. “Oh, your fathers would absolutely love it.”

Smiling tentatively, you gave her a questioning, slightly confused look. “They would..?”

“Our oldest was a boy, your parents’...” She motioned at you. “a girl. So when you and Jamie were younger, your dad and my George used to joke all the time about pairing you two so that everything could stay in the family. But it was just a joke,” Winnifred emphasized. 

Was it, though? Given the world your fathers came from, the environment you and Bucky grew up in, and the situation you were currently in, was it just a joke? Perhaps it was the alcohol talking, but you began to wonder what would have happened if your father was still alive – would he have let you settle down on your own, without Brock or John's presence, or would he have married you to Bucky? 

He wouldn’t. Because Bucky didn’t want to get married. He didn’t want you. 

There was something else bothering you. You already knew that your families were close, yet you had no memories that would prove it. “Why did you stop being friends? If I may ask…”

“It's no mystery,” Winnifred said lightly, smiling. “You know how your mom is,” she began. You guessed that politeness prevented her from saying directly that your mother tended to be paranoid, but regardless of her choice of words, you nodded. “I think she got scared that our husbands would actually turn words into action. She made it clear that she wanted a lawyer, a doctor or an estate agent for you. But it seems that, despite all the odds, you and Jamie found your way to each other anyway.”

You felt your face turning red along with the heat spreading in your stomach. So you weren’t wrong; it was in your blood – the affection you had for Bucky. No wonder you two clicked the moment your eyes met. However, in this situation, it was like a curse. 

“You have a beautiful garden,” you admitted to break the silence and, above all, your own thoughts. In fact, Mrs. Barnes’ garden looked a little bare, incomplete. The flowers were just beginning to bloom.

“It is promising,” she agreed. “But I’m done for the day, it’s getting late. Why don’t you come in? I’ll make us some tea.” 

“Oh, thank you.” You shook your head. “I was supposed to see Bucky, so… I should go.”

“In this case, I’m not keeping you.” Winnifred beamed at you. 

Keeping in mind the place where you expected to find Bucky, you headed to the back of the mansion. Evening dew had collected on the freshly trimmed lawn; not the most pleasant experience to your bare feet, but you preferred it to uncomfortable high heels, which probably wouldn't have handled this soft ground anyway. There was a peace and solitude that was lacking where you lived – there were no cars, no lights of street lamps, no noise of the city.

The garage was not difficult to locate; especially as there were quiet sounds indicating someone's presence. 

Bucky stood in front of a lifted hood of another vintage car. But instead of focusing on the vehicle, your thoughts wandered uncontrollably to Bucky's broad back as he was leaning forward, probably working on the car’s engine. His muscles were clearly visible under the tight fabric of his t-shirt. You felt your mouth watering.

He raised his head slightly, as if listening for something, then looked over his shoulder. He didn't say a word, but returned the favor by fixing his gaze on you – his eyes darkened with the same rawness as when he saw you in your house that night. Beginning from your bare feet and slowly moving up, he scrutinized your whole body, studying the curves of your thighs, hips and breasts. And you couldn’t blame him since your red dress was even tighter than his t-shirt. 

Letting out a shaky breath, you got rid of the excess air churning in your lungs. “So, you like old cars.”

“Yeah,” he admitted, keeping his eyes on you. After a while, however, he focused on the vehicle. “That one belonged to my old man. I don't want it to rot here.”

Based on how Bucky responded to Brock's mention of his father, you presumed that George Barnes was a sore subject. So you were surprised, maybe even a little touched, that he was now bringing it up himself. You did ask him, but he could brush you off or say nothing.

Driven by some subconscious need to be closer, you took a few mindless steps and stood not far from the vehicle. It was colder inside the garage than outside, so you instinctively folded your arms, trying to keep as much of your own warmth as possible.

“What car is that, exactly?” You asked genuinely curious, eyeing the cream body. 

“Chrysler. From 1970.”

“What about your Mustang?”

Bucky squinted suspiciously, smiling. “The Mustang is a year older…” He answered hesitantly. “You’re into cars, too?” 

“Not, but-” You let out a quiet laugh, knowing how you were about to sound. “This era was the sexiest for cars. And it suits you.” 

His eyebrows rose with astonishment. He shook his head, then got back to the uncovered engine. “This was the most twisted compliment I've ever heard.”

“You’re welcome.” You grinned, fluttering your lashes. 

Having checked out your surroundings, you concluded that the inside of the garage wasn’t interesting enough for you to keep your eyes somewhere. So you dropped them to Bucky's hands. Stained with grease, they appeared to be the hands of a professional; they knew exactly what to do. No accidental, hesitant movements.

“How was it?” He asked. You immediately looked up at his face. “With John.”

“I made a pretty good impression on him, I think. He wants to have babies with me,” you said casually.

Stopping everything he was doing, Bucky tensed at your words, a muscle in his jaw twitched. “And you? Do you want to have babies with him?” 

“Looks like a baby-free deal doesn’t exist, so if I have to…” You shrugged. The alcohol in your system kept you from panicking at the very thought. Or was it Bucky's presence that had that effect on you? After all, you felt safe around him, so no prospect seemed so frightening. “Why don't you have a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend?” The question suddenly left your mouth, because since it popped into your head, you decided to satisfy your own curiosity right away. “You are attractive. Very attractive. Protective, maybe too protective…” You squinted. “But people, especially girls, like it. You can be really funny if you want to, you have money and position. And some pretty cool cars.” 

“What’s with all these compliments?” Bucky raised his eyebrows. 

“I get flirty after wine.” You waved your hand dismissively, not intending to continue with this particular topic. “I remember you were, well, a ladies’ man.” You pressed your lips together; you wondered if you should have used that term. It's not that you didn't think it was accurate - you just didn't want to offend Bucky, or upset him.

But he looked at you, smiling with a softness that in no way matched the whole situation. “You remember me?” He repeated. As if it was the most obvious thing, you nodded in response, your forehead furrowed. “I didn’t know you were aware of me.”

“Don't change the subject.”

Bucky sighed heavily, but did not answer straight away. “I liked being around women. Still do. But in a different way. I’ve changed, I guess. Matured, realized a few things. I had a lot of time to think over the last two years.” 

You listened to everything he had just shared and, despite your drunken boldness, you didn't have the courage to bring up his father's death again or to find out more about the lessons he had learned over the mentioned two-year period. You decided to grab onto something else. “In a different way? What do you-”

“That I don’t try to sweep them off their feet, or wrap them around my finger,” he said calmly, but there was something in the way he was talking to you and, for a second, you felt like a scolded child. “I don't hit on them, I don't flirt, I don't try to be charming or funny. If they want to fuck, we fuck. But I'm not looking for an opportunity to take someone to bed.”

Overwhelmed by the information you wanted yourself to hear, you didn't know where to look. “Mhm…” You murmured, trying to appear completely relaxed, maybe even indifferent. On the other hand, you presumed your cheeks that turned pink gave you away. “And you…” You began, partly to talk about something else, partly out of pure curiosity. “Do you remember me? From back then?” 

Bucky loosened up a bit, a smirk crept across his lips. He reached for a piece of cloth slung over his shoulder, and got rid of the grease off his hands by wiping them thoroughly. “Maybe,” he answered, shrugging. It was clear he was teasing you, and you wondered if it was some kind of punishment for bothering him with personal questions. “Watch your fingers,” Bucky warned gently, so you took a step away from the car, then he closed the Chrysler’s hood. “I’ll drive you home, huh?”

When the car finally stopped near the familiar building, you breathed a sigh of relief – you were only a few steps away from a warm shower and a comfy bed.

Before you could touch the handle, Bucky's hand wrapped hastily around your forearm. You turned your gaze to him to see what had come over him, and saw a completely controlled unease painted on his face. 

“You know that car?” 

Having followed his gaze, you spotted a vehicle; you did not recall it belonging to Michael or anyone in the Family. “Not really.”

Bucky reached into the glove compartment above your lap and pulled out a gun. It was only then that you felt a sprouting anxiety; not out of fear for your life, but at the thought that something might happen to Bucky because he'd decided to get you home.

“Come on,” he said, and there was nothing but calmness in his voice. 

You got out of the Mustang and joined Bucky on the other side of the car. 

“Stay behind me, okay?” he instructed, and you didn't protest only because you didn't want to sabotage the possible plan he had formed in his mind. You nodded, and just as he asked you to, you kept two steps behind his back.

You cautiously entered the house, Bucky keeping his gun low but unlocking it earlier, his finger close to the trigger. It was dark inside, except for the warm light pouring out of the living room. It was also where the quiet conversation was coming from; you recognised Michael's voice, and it put you a little bit at ease – you didn't think he was in danger, or that you two were the ones who were threatened. You touched Bucky's arm gently to prevent a potential reaction. 

As you approached the living room, that’s when Bucky really tensed up. Seeing Michael in the company of John Walker wasn't exactly a delight for you either. No one needed to speak; it only took a few glances for the atmosphere to thicken in the blink of an eye.

“Y/N,” Michael’s displeased tone pierced the heavy silence. “What is he doing here?”

“Making sure she gets home safely,” Bucky asserted before you had a chance to think about who Michael actually had in mind. 

“From where?” John interjected; he sounded casual, amused even, but his edgy smile said otherwise. “Should I feel threatened?” His question, thrown around as if playfully, only confirmed your assumption that John was unsure of his position.

“No, of course not,” you protested right away.

Michael could have drilled down. However, you could see that he didn't want to do that – he didn't want to raise doubts about what you were doing with Bucky; to give John a reason to back off. All he cared about was putting an end to the subject as soon as possible and not returning to it – making it seem forgotten at least. “It's time for you to go, I suppose. Is that correct, boy?”

You nearly winced at how patronizing Michael addressed Bucky. It was almost insulting, meant to put Bucky back in his place. He, however, looked composed, but you got to know him well enough to be aware that he would rip Michael's head off if the opportunity arose. 

“Correct,” Bucky agreed. He held his gaze on Michael for a while longer, then, a brief glance was everything he got for you, and it felt cold – like when he left you in that pub. You watched him walk away, but Michael's grunt brought your attention back.

You didn’t stay with Michael and John. Hiding behind a long, tough day and pouring honey in their ears by telling them you didn't want to disturb an obviously important discussion that your feminine mind wouldn't comprehend, you got away. Still, there was something bothering you. So, not long after the desired refreshment and making sure Michael was alone, you went down to the living room.

Michael peeked at you, looking up from his newspaper, waiting patiently for you to raise the matter on which you had come here. 

You sat down in the armchair next to his, and for some reason, nervousness led you to occupy your hands with the belt of a soft, fluffy robe you wore after the shower. “Why was John here?” 

“To speak about business,” he said immediately, still focusing on the paper. 

“Right, let me put that differently…” You sighed, rubbing your forehead. “Why do you think John was here?”

This time Michael did not answer straight away. Nor did he appear to be thinking about the answer; his eyes roamed over the next lines of text. “I believe he wants to control you. Keep an eye on his investment.” He closed and put the newspaper down on the end table between the chairs, then looked straight at you. “Do you want my advice? You'd better let him,” he said. It wasn’t the content of his words that caused your forehead to crease, but the determination with which he said them. “At least two candidates backed out after Bucky beat Brock. Men are afraid to approach you because you got yourself a guard dog.”

At least two candidates, and you had no idea about that. 

“He didn’t beat Brock because of me,” you protested. 

“But he did it. They don't know the details, they don't need them. All they need is that it happened at a meeting that should have ended with marriage. Instead, it ended with Brock Rumlow's broken nose. Of course,” Michael continued. “There were those who were encouraged by it. Who thought it must be a game worth playing. But I turned them down right away, because only a fool would think he stood any chance with Bucky Barnes,” he almost spat. Then, he took a deep breath to release the tension. “He would be a perfect candidate, you know?” 

Although you had lowered your head somewhere during Michael’s monologue, you now raised your eyes to him. Your heart was racing, gaining a familiar, nearly furious rhythm. 

“The friendship of your families, the power and reputation that the name Barnes holds… And it turns out that Bucky Barnes is the only man in New York who doesn't fight for your hand in marriage.” Michael smiled bitterly. 

You looked away to avoid having to face Michael. You crushed under the weight of the awareness that his words had aroused in you. Experiencing far too many emotions at once – you felt angry, sad, disappointed and even a little betrayed – you were hopeless as never before.

“I know that this is difficult,” Michael spoke again. “However, we can't lose John. We can't be sure there will be more better candidates, and even if there will be, we don't have enough time. I don't know what you got yourself into with Bucky, but he can't protect you until he becomes your husband, which he has no desire to do. So whatever is going on between you two has to stop. Now.”

“What does that mean? I can’t see him anymore?” You asked, your voice weak.

“You don’t have to run for the hills each time you accidentally meet him,” he clarified. “But whether you continue to be friends will depend entirely on your husband.”

a/n: feel free to share your thoughts, they are more than welcomed 🥰

taglist: @goldensunflowe-r @nefri-black @vickie5446 @learisa @sjsmith56 @aya-fay @hhiggs @wishingwell-2 @buckysgirl01 @emily-roberts @prettylittlepluviophile @leaaa008

[ymiwritesstuff]

Lack of You | Ch. 5

UHHHH HI!! Listen I'm so so sorry this once again took so long!! Like, the burnout hit at the WORST time because this one is supposed to be THE chapter, you know? A lot of important stuff and all. But once again, this one is VERY long, which I hope compensates for the wait. Thank you SO much for the support and patience and I hope you guys will enjoy this and that people are still reading this ;-;

Genshin Impact

Yandere!Childe/Tartaglia x Fem!Reader

Summary: It had been months since your arrival in Liyue, and the world around you didn't seem so sad and cruel anymore. During one of Liyue's most significant festivals, you find yourself absorbing emotions you hadn't felt or accepted in years. And in the center of them all, was your savior.

Notes: 18+, Fluff, Smut, unprotected sex, fingering, vaginal sex, "lovemaking", we finally fuck Zhongli wohooo

Ch.1 | Ch.2 | Ch.3 | Ch.4 | Ch.5

Also posted on AO3!

18+ ONLY! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

Zhongli was not blind. And he certainly was no fool either. He had lived for long enough to know how the human mind functioned and how one responded to traumatic events of the past. He knew all too well, and when the opportunity to help someone in need presented itself, he could not overlook it.

He wondered if he had been too invasive, too eager to offer his assistance, but he justified his doubts by telling himself that it was the right thing to do. Given who he was, he felt responsible for the people of Liyue he held so dear, and even though you had drifted to the region fueled by determination to escape, you had quickly adopted the harbor as your home and tried to rebuild your life. And it had worked, much to his relief.

It had been a few months. The seeds of progress he had planted from the moment he saw you on that rainy day were finally beginning to sprout. You had gotten more active, completing every errand he had tasked you with the utmost diligence and efficiency. He was more than pleased to see this, as the primary motivation for this part of the contract was to give you something to occupy your mind with that wasn’t your dark and heavy memories.

Zhongli still did not know everything, nor was he necessarily desiring to. When you first met him and as time went on, he made his own less than gracious conclusions that were far from pleasant. He noticed the little signs that showed through your behavior, how you initially avoided making contact with his eyes, instead opting for the ground, and how your form was frequently taut and cautious, giving glances behind you as if someone was following you.

All that and more told him all he needed to know.

His curiosity was far from extinguished, though, but he would not attempt to kill it by asking or even insinuating that he wanted to know more. The unwritten boundaries set between you two would stay up unless you yourself wanted to bring them down. Zhongli wished to create something in which you felt safe enough to open up should you feel the need to do so.

And to an extent, he had managed that. No longer were your shoulders tense from anxiety around him nor did your voice disappear as you spoke. Your previously dull, almost lifeless eyes had regained their fire and instead of looking at him with uncertainty or doubt, he only saw perseverance and tenacity.

He had somewhat kept his distance out of respect for your outer limits, but as time went by he noticed you seeking him out more and more. Occasional conversations over tea became a part of your life in Liyue, and during these mundane meetings, Zhongli started observing the healing.

For a human, your strength was admirable, and as the man who had saved and guided you, he could say with confidence that he was proud of your progress.

In a way, his duty had been fulfilled. You knew Liyue like the back of your hand and did not require his assistance navigating the region. That meant that your interactions had developed into something more informal, which both he and you appreciated greatly.

You had not strayed away from him, which had been something he had considered you doing throughout your healing. Instead, you opened up to him, telling him about your life back in Snezhnaya, however, carefully dancing around the fragile ice that guarded the horrible events that had led you to Liyue.

It was only partially because you did not want to relive the memories and would have rather left them in the past. Still, in reality, even if you wanted to let him into the once-decayed graveyard that was your mind, you would not have been able to tell him everything.

For you couldn’t remember it all.

The life you had been coveting ever since your escape was at your fingertips, but at the cost of losing the majority of the memories that used to haunt you. It frightened you, if only slightly. Reliving everything, again and again, was the last thing you wanted, but perhaps in the back of your mind, you felt distressed at how seemingly and surprisingly simple it had been. Your memory had started to fade mere weeks into your arrival, but what scared you possibly the most was the fact that the danger was not entirely over.

No matter how much of your recollection disappeared into the void, you always remembered him. The things he had done to you were a blur, but the image of his eerily calm yet unhinged face was crystal clear. And you feared it.

The possibility of him finding you at this point was unlikely, and forcing you back home even more so. You had the adepti and Mr. Zhongli’s protection, not to mention the fact that the strict operations of the Fatui most likely kept Childe so busy, that he had no time to pursue anything or anyone else. In hindsight, you were glad he had joined that wretched group, for it gave you some much-needed peace of mind.

All in all, you were safe, that much you knew for certain. The only things disturbing you were small images and flashes of him, but you endured them because unlike the real him, they could not hurt you.

“So, what happened next?” Shu asked with an almost knowing smile on her lips and a teacup in her hands as if she already knew what you’d say next as you recalled the events from the other day. You chuckled before you continued.

“She was so exhausted she fell face-first into the pile of Glaze Lillies we had just gathered,” you concluded, laughter escaping your lips with the last few words. The fresh image of someone as proper and punctual as Ganyu succumbing to something so trivial as exhaustion amused you greatly, though you felt bad for the girl and the embarrassment that she clearly felt after she awoke.

“Poor Ganyu,” Shu said, placing her cup on the outdoor table upon which you two sat. “When will she realize that she can’t keep overworking herself like this?”

You stifled a laugh, noticing the humorous glimmer in her eyes. “It’s been how many millennia now, Shu? I think it will take at least five more.”

A joyous laughter from both of you filled the air as you went in for another sip of that delicious jasmine tea you had become familiar with. The taste brought you comfort, as did Shu’s company.

After a ridiculous amount of time spent worrying about and going over how you could even begin to ask forgiveness from the thoughtful nurse after what had occurred, you eventually managed to do so and apologize. As selfish as it sounded, you had been afraid to lose her and the possible help you could have received from her. It was thanks to her that you were back on your feet and it was her that had basically kickstarted all the positive things that had happened to you. You were beyond grateful.

Shu was a kind woman, her gaze was always warm and welcoming, so it shouldn’t have been such a shock to you when she forgave you without hesitation. 

After that, things returned to as they were when you first arrived, except this time you felt lighter, rid of the feelings of doubt that had bothered you so. Shu continued offering you her support, much more than you thought was appropriate for a simple nurse-patient relationship.

However, it didn’t take you too long to realize that Shu was more than a nurse who doted on you. She had become a friend and an irreplaceable one at that.

Shu glanced at the pier not too far away, that pleasant smile never disappearing. She watched as the people worked tirelessly making the final preparations for the night’s event. The entire harbor was even more full of life than usual and for a good reason.

“This year’s Lantern Rite will be truly phenomenal.” She turned back to you with that familiar kindness in her expression. “I’m glad you’ll be able to experience it tonight.”

Your smile mirrored hers. You had heard of the old tradition many times during your time in Liyue and soon came to understand its importance. You could only imagine the brilliance and warmth that the festival gave birth to during this time of year. The people began making preparations early on, and seeing the progress coming to an end filled you with a fresh sense of excitement you hadn’t felt previously. 

“I can’t wait.” You turned back to her. “I’ve never seen fireworks, you know?”

Shu’s smile seemed to widen if that was even possible at this point.

“Oh, you’re going to love them! They only get better each year.” Her hazel eyes wandered to the afternoon sky as she reminisced about all the beautiful works of art that had decorated the heavens for all these years. From the look on her face alone, you could deduce that she adored the event, seemingly more than the average citizen.

“Will you be watching them with Yingyue?” You asked, curious about the woman Shu had talked so fondly about in the past. It was clear to you from the way her face lit up every time the name was merely mentioned that the nurse felt a certain way about her. This time was no exception.

“Ah… I haven’t asked her yet. Do you think she’d want to join me?”

Her question made you scoff and roll your eyes as to you the answer was more than obvious. 

“Of course I do. Didn’t you say that your last meeting went well? I can’t think of any reason why Yingyue wouldn’t want to spend more time with you,” you encouraged, which seemed to put Shu at ease, the warmth on her cheeks never disappearing. Her eyes found the ground but her smile prevailed.

“Yes. I think you are right.” You gave her a smug grin and finished the last drops of your tea.

“I know I am,” you said as you stood up. “In fact, I’m so certain she’ll say yes that you are going to go ask her right now.” Shu’s smile quickly disappeared and her face twisted into shock.

“What?! Right now?? (Name) I can’t do that!” She exclaimed, to which you giggled and gathered your things.

“Sure you can. I have to go run some errands now.” You looked at her with an expression that could have been described as jokingly serious.

“I better see you with her tonight or else the evil spirit of ‘having-an-awful-time-at-the-Lantern-Rite-because-I-didn’t-invite-a girl-with-me’ will haunt you forever!” You spread your palms and held them in front of you in an exaggeratedly dramatic attempt to terrify her.

Something inside you cringed at your actions. Director Hu was so much better at this.

Still, Shu laughed cheerfully, much to your joy. “Alright alright. I’ll go ask her.” A satisfied smile made its way onto your lips as you basked in your small success. 

“Good. So, I’ll see you two later tonight?” While your voice held some mischievousness, you had been genuinely wanting to meet this girl who was the partial source of Shu’s happiness. That emotion stuck to you as well, you didn’t remember the last time someone else’s joy had been this contagious.

Shu nodded. “Thank you for the encouragement, truly.” She bowed her head, a custom you were more than used to at this point, so much so that you instinctively did the same, before you began your departure.

You felt content with your accomplishment, despite it being rather ordinary. Shu had helped you tremendously throughout the months, so you were glad you were able to provide her with a bit of assistance of your own. It was the least you could do.

Though you felt like nothing you did would be truly enough to repay for everything she had done for you. For what had felt like an eternity, you had only known monsters that wore the cloak of the people you thought were allies, and betrayal in its rawest form. You had been fooled, forced to be the center of a twisted desire, and corrupted beyond all that once made sense. Losing all faith in everything that you once thought kept you safe. People, laws, and even the Archons had all failed you, which only left a bitter taste and distrust in your heart, one you thought could never be redeemed.

However, people like Shu gave you hope and restored that lost trust in the world. She and everything else in Liyue was like a blessing that you had long needed to survive.

As you walked around the decorated harbor, you greeted some of the locals you had become familiar with. With your work for the funeral parlor came opportunities to socialize and help the people, some of whom you had become especially acquainted with. It was rewarding and helped you form a sense of security within the region that had once felt so unsafe.

Liyue felt like your home more than ever before, and participating in the Lantern Rite would solidify your position as a citizen of the harbor. That’s how it felt to you at least, the locals and others had welcomed you long ago. Being a part of something so vital to Liyue felt fulfilling, and further allowed you to put behind the regrets of the past and the cold that had followed you all the way from Snezhnaya.

You barely thought of the icy region anymore. You had no reason to, nor did you want to. The Tsaritsa’s plan of which you did not know the details, was in motion and you were sure nothing would deter Her Majesty and her vile Harbingers in their pursuit of domination. That, however, had little effect on you anymore.

Your legs led you to the heart of the harbor, where people walked and ran around, applying the finishing touches to make the surroundings look as festive as possible. Lanterns were painted, and fireworks were being prepared for their grand launch. The atmosphere was so different, yet familiar at the same time. The busy streets were no strange sight to you, however, as you stood in the middle of the preparations for the biggest festival of the region, you couldn’t help but feel special.

As you took in the view, your eyes wandered to one of the many shops. You didn’t recall ever seeing this one before, which led you to surmise that it was one of those stalls opened only during the festival. Shu had told you about them, and apparently, they were favored by tourists who traveled to the harbor for the Lantern Rite. By the looks of it, Shu’s explanation made sense. The shop was filled with what you could call souvenirs, items, and gems from the region that people could take home with them to remind them of their journey.

However, what caught your eye was something placed right in front of the shop. A dress. The kind of dress you had seen some of the wealthier locals wear from time to time. The colors were light, and the fabric looked airy and comfortable. You couldn’t look away.

In your admiration, you slowly walked to it, which prompted the cheerful clerk to turn to you. “Beautiful, isn’t it?” You merely hummed a response, fingers carefully lifting one of the long sleeves that looked so inviting. The silk was smooth to the touch, and the delicate flower embroidery on the midsection stretched all the way to the top part of the neatly pleated skirt.

The dress was rather modest. With a high neckline that folded into a cross-collar and a ribbon that coiled around the waist, it gave an aura of elegance and beauty, unlike anything you had seen before. You ran your hand down the front, feeling the fabric and silently admiring the craftsmanship.

“You’re not the first one to look at it so longingly.” You finally looked at the clerk, who had somewhat of a regretful expression on their face. “I’m afraid the price is a bit too much for most. It’s one of a kind after all.”

Curiosity stuck to you, and you glanced at the price tag. Wow. The clerk wasn’t lying, it was quite out of the league of average citizens. It didn’t surprise you though, the dress was stunning. With the revelation, a thought sprouted in your head:

You could afford it.

You thought about it for a second. The dress was beautiful, and you had managed to gather a good amount of mora with which you only ever bought food and other things meant to aid in living. You had never bought anything you could describe as… Fun. Tonight would be special. People would gather together and marvel at the beauty of the festival. It was no ordinary event and thus no ordinary clothes would be appropriate.

If you were to look your best, might as well do it right.

“I’ll take it.”

~

As the sun was nearing the horizon, painting the sky with colors of comforting warmth, your errand run was coming to an end. You had never burned this much mora on a single trip but felt strangely fulfilled. The dress you bought was carefully folded in a bag and you made sure to take especially good care of it before you would wear it. You’ll never forget the overjoyed expression of the clerk. The image brought a smile to your face.

The charm of the souvenir shop left an impression on you and made you wonder what wonders the other regions of Teyvat housed. Maybe one day you would set foot into nearly every corner of the world, gaping at the cultures and sceneries, the events of the past left behind to rot.

You let out a breath as you came to a stop at a small bridge that protected a pool of water. Smiling to yourself, you thought about all the fortunes that had befallen you and just how lucky you had been. You had gotten your life in order, made a living for yourself and most of all, made friends with the people and beings who had selflessly helped you. You still couldn’t understand why or how any of this was even possible, but you were the happiest you had ever been.

The sound of approaching footsteps caught your attention and as you turned towards it, your heart swelled. The sight of those familiar, comforting golden irises was always a happy one. With a lovely smile, you greeted the man with a seemingly otherworldly presence you had noticed from the very first meeting.

“Mr. Zhongli, good evening.” Out of habit, you bowed slightly. Despite knowing him for quite a long time, you still felt the need to express politeness whilst in his company, he was a man with a rather high status after all, and only now did you understand why people thought of him so supremely.

“Good evening,” He returned the bow, his voice as delightful as ever. “I trust that you have wrapped up your preparations for the Lantern Rite?” He asked, pointing to your bags of various purchases with his gaze. You gave a nod.

“That I have. I was just on my way back home to get dressed for the fireworks.” Mr. Zhongli gave a nod of understanding before suddenly extending his arm to you, that warm smile you had had the pleasure of seeing multiple times spread across his lips.

“Shall I walk you, then?” His request surprised you somewhat. You knew he was as courteous as one could be, yet you didn’t expect him to offer to take time out of his possibly busy evening and spend it in your company. Despite that, however, you felt something twist in your insides at the sight of him offering his help once more.

“That would be great, thank you.” You gave him one of your bags and with your now free hand, wrapped it around his arm and positioned yourself by his side. As you began walking in relative silence, you wondered what went through his head. Glancing at him carefully, you only saw an expression so neutral and unbothered, that it caught you off guard slightly.

The details of his face had never been this close to you and you found your eyes glued to them. His skin was flawless, his eyelashes were long and as dark as his hair and while his lips were thin, they were naturally dusted with an extremely sheer shade of pink. Only now, in this moment, did you truly realize just how incredibly handsome he was.

You turned your gaze forward, hand squeezing his arm just slightly. Suddenly, you were hit with so many complicated, almost suffocating emotions, ones you had ever truly felt only once before. But why now? Perhaps it was because you finally felt at ease enough to allow yourself to experience the underlying excitement and the increase in your heartbeat when in someone’s company.

You gripped the handle of the bag you were carrying tighter. Body encased in growing warmth, you somehow managed to continue walking relatively normally by his side.

He was reticent. You were expecting to hear his voice talk about the Lantern Rite or any other tradition of Liyue he seemed to possess an endless amount of knowledge about. But there was none of that. Only silence. It was not uncomfortable, quite the opposite, but right now, you strangely missed the sound of his voice.

As you neared the staircase that led to your home, you heard him let out a small breath. He glanced at you, the gentleman in him making sure you stepped up each stair without issues. Zhongli knew it was not entirely necessary, looking out for you was merely something he was somewhat used to, as that had been the primary foundation of your relationship for a time.

That foundation was crumbling and shifting into something else and he felt it. You both did. As you regained strength, so did a desire to learn more about Mr. Zhongli. You had opened up to him, abandoned all doubts and suspicions that previously weighed on your heart, and approached him further because you wanted to, not because the circumstances forced you to.

And you were always happy to see him.

“(Name),” He called out as you reached the top of the staircase. His voice was subtly different as if he had deserted his professionalism and opted for a tone suitable for a long-time friend. It was the tiniest of shifts, but you caught it.

“I have a question for you.” You blinked a couple of times and nodded, signaling him to continue. He cleared his throat and broke eye contact for a brief second. You frowned your brows slightly. Why did he seem so uneasy all of a sudden?

“The Lantern Rite is about to begin and as you know, it is the biggest festival in all of Liyue.” You listened carefully, utterly unsure where he was going with this. His eyes softened and the warmth in them almost made you melt.

“As such, it would be an honor to spend it in your company.” Your eyes widened and you felt a tingle in the pit of your stomach as he finished his proposal:

“Would you like to join me in watching the fireworks tonight?”

You sucked in a breath so fast you almost choked, the innocent question drifting in your head, spinning your brain around. Immediately you thought back to your earlier conversation with Shu, and suddenly, you found yourself relating to the nurse in a way you never could have expected.

Breaking eye contact, you stared at the ground for a brief moment, thinking about his words far too much. Your nervousness wasn’t due to the kind of anxiety you used to feel but rather due to an overwhelming set of emotions and feelings towards this man. The mere question did not confirm anything, nor were you completely sure what you even truly felt, but his proposition ignited internal flames you thought were permanently extinguished.

When you looked at him again your heart skipped a beat. Never before had you felt this way when looking at him, at least not in a way you could acknowledge. He was patiently waiting for your response and you were sure that even if you were to reject his offer, it would not offend him. It was just the kind of man he was. Kind, polite, selfless, and unbelievably attractive.

You could never say no to such a proposal from him.

“I would love to.”

The expression upon his face brightened and he seemed almost relieved at your answer.

“Wonderful. Shall we meet after sunset?” You briefly eyed beyond the railing, the sun only slightly visible from behind the horizon. It would be night soon, and the harbor would enter a completely new grandeur, one completely foreign to you.

“Sounds good.” You smiled, all that previous turbulence fading away and getting replaced by a pleasant calm that washed over you as you noted his gorgeous expression, satisfied with the outcome of his question.

You took your bag from him and turned to your door, ready to start preparing for a night you had a feeling would be unforgettable.

“See you then.”

~

The lit lanterns of your home draped the entire area in a pleasant glow as the sun finally reached its destination. The bag in which your earlier purchase once sat lay empty on a table, and instead, the comforting silk fabric hugged your form. Looking at yourself through the mirror, you were in awe.

The robe-like dress fit you like a glove and the Glaze Lillies you had placed in your hair matched the embroidery perfectly. Twirling a couple of times, you took in your appearance. The flowing skirt and sleeves looked almost hypnotizing and the combination of fabrics felt more comfortable than you could have ever imagined. Somehow, the garment looked even better once it was worn. You didn’t dare to admit it out loud, but you looked beautiful.

Glancing through the slightly open window, you noted how the evening darkness slowly engulfed the sky and how the warm colors that had adorned it faded away. It reminded you of your meeting and it did not take long for you to start making your way to the front door after taking one more look at your reflection through the mirror.

Mixed thoughts filled your mind as you descended the familiar set of stairs, ones of happiness, and awe, but also nervousness. You could not help but wonder what the following hours had in store and a part of you was not certain of how you would behave around Mr. Zhongli after your only recently realized feelings. Perhaps you had always felt a certain pull towards him, but only now did you truly realize it.

There was no guarantee of anything, however. You would be happy with whatever fate had in store for you regarding him. He saved your life, and for that, you would always be grateful.

When you arrived at the same bridge you had run into him earlier, he was already there, curiously eyeing the surroundings that had become radiant in warm lights as he so often was. His attire was different, much more festive, and thus much more suitable for the night’s occasion. You barely saw his face, but you just knew the kind of expression he had, the one where he was idly looking around, with no thoughts of urgency in his mind.

His outfit was in the colors you were used to and was not too different from his daily attire. The darkness of the expensive-looking fabric was lifted by the gold accents that, much like his eyes, seemed to be almost glowing. His shoulders were adorned by metallic decorations, much larger than the ones in his usual clothes. The outfit was long, and it swayed in the gentle winds as he stood, gloved hands on the railing. You watched him in pure awe. He was ethereal, like an adeptus, mighty, like a god, he was…

“Gorgeous.”

The word flew out of your mouth effortlessly, with no attempts to restrain it. Mr. Zhongli seemingly heard it, as he was quick to turn his head towards you. You did not look away, you weren’t able to. The word was an understatement, you didn’t think there existed any that could describe the man that stood before you.

Zhongli paused for a brief moment as he took in your appearance, the greetings he was about to say disappearing and fading away somewhere he could no longer find them. He usually had the right words for any situation but now, he was utterly speechless. You were beautiful. Like a withered flower that had regained its strength and beauty. Your eyes were full of life, like reignited flames of bravery and determination.

“You look… Stunning,” he managed to say, to which you smiled shyly. His voice wavered slightly, rid of its usual structure. You had never heard him like this, and it seemed almost more… Human. You couldn’t exactly put your finger on it, but you appreciated the compliment from him.

“Thank you, Mr. Zhongli. You look wonderful as well.” He smiled at your words. “Shall we?”

With a nod, you once again wrapped your fingers around his arm and walked by his side. You trusted he knew the best spot to watch the fireworks that would soon take to the dark sky. The harbor was so beautiful, decorations you had never seen before sprinkled all over and the smell of local delicacies floating in your nose. The atmosphere was most wonderful and in this moment, with Mr. Zhongli by your side, you were happy that you had ended up in Liyue.

As your eyes scoured the area, they spotted something. Your feet slowed down, causing Zhongli to glance at you and notice how your gaze had glued itself on something, a warm smile spreading across your features. His eyes followed yours and soon realized the cause of your moment of happiness.

In the distance he could see Shu, the nurse he had known for years, and accompanying her was another woman, clinging to her arm happily. They were laughing while participating in one of the many activities exclusive to the Lantern Rite. You sighed blissfully.

“I knew she wouldn’t chicken out.” You mumbled, to which Zhongli chuckled slightly as you continued your journey. You hoped they would have a wonderful time together.

To your surprise, Mr. Zhongli took you outside of the city gates and slightly beyond the road that led to them. He took your hand in his and made sure you wouldn’t fall as you ascended to one of the grassy mountains that surrounded the harbor. The higher up you got, the more you realized what his plan was.

“The view from up here is most exquisite.” He said as you both carefully sat down on the grass. “I thought you’d appreciate a more tranquil atmosphere as opposed to the rather hectic one back at the harbor,” he explained as he looked at you.

How considerate, you thought. It certainly did somewhat cross your mind previously. Though you had gotten used to the bubbling harbor in its usual state, during the Lantern Rite it could get a bit loud and crowded, so you certainly weren’t opposed to this arrangement.

“I appreciate that.” You smiled, and he nodded, content and satisfied with his decision. You were rather close to him, which you did not necessarily realize, as it felt strangely natural. All your doubts and nervousness seemed to just melt away with the warmth that encased your being.

Suddenly there was a flash of light in the empty night sky and immediately your eyes shot up. The booming sound that followed made you jump but it was nothing compared to what you saw next.

The skies were filled with beams of bright colors and magnificent shapes. Your eyes took in all you saw, marveling at the sights you had never seen before. The loud sounds fell silent as your mind tried to process everything your eyes saw at once, the shapes, the colors, and the way they lit up the darkness of the night.

With every rocket that burst open in the sky, you were in awe of what it produced. You could not even begin to imagine what you would see next and that was what made it all the more magical.

Next to you, Zhongli could not help but notice just how awestruck you were, how your eyes glimmered and reflected the brightness that adorned the sky. In all his years, he didn’t think he had ever seen such pure adoration and freedom in someone’s expression. It was like your very soul was glowing with the fireworks, regaining its powers with every explosion. Zhongli wished that this would not be the last time he saw you so full of life.

Your eyes were glued to the festive sight as you quietly spoke:

“...Is Lantern Rite always this beautiful?” Your voice was barely audible, the overwhelming feeling of utter amazement making it disappear somewhere. But the attentive man next to you heard your question.

“No two Lantern Rites feel or are the same,” he began, voice the quietest you had ever heard it. You felt a touch on your hand that you were leaning on, and immediately looked at it, and then at him. You opened your palm and he carefully wrapped his fingers around your hand with his glowing eyes on yours.

“But they are always quite beautiful, yes.”

Something shifted in your heart as he finished, as if it skipped a beat but at the same time filled with passion in its rawest form. His words stuck to you. They were for you. He looked at you with such gentle affection, that it almost made him look vulnerable, like he was silently opening his heart to you. Zhongli was a kind man, yes, but during your time of knowing him, he had never looked at you with such… Affection.

The fireworks boomed in the distance but you could only see them as a faraway reflection in those comforting irises that looked so different, they did not feel as familiar as they may have once had. But you felt at ease whilst lost in them. You felt at ease with him.

You squeezed his hand debating on what you should do next. You craved his warmth, the way he looked at you was almost addicting. But you did not know how to react, you did not know were you allowed to react.

Zhongli seemed to notice your uncertainty, and was quick to speak:

“I apologize. Perhaps I was…” He sighed softly. “Too invasive.”

He went to pull his hand away but your grip only tightened, fueled by desperation.

“No. Please don’t. I… I don’t mind.” You did not dare to face him anymore, so your eyes found your knees. It was so confusing, were you ashamed? Scared? Why were you so quick to pull him back towards you?

It may have been fear, to a certain extent. You had not allowed yourself to feel this way in a long time, and after everything you had endured, you completely shut the emotion down. However, now that you were free and presented with an opportunity to feel without restriction, it felt foreign, but also right. You trusted Zhongli, you felt safe in his presence and you yearned for his warm embrace.

You were desperate for the affection that had once been robbed from you, the kind of affection that had been used against you with devastating consequences. They left you scarred and yet, they returned when you stared at the man before you. From the moment he saved you, he has been nothing but a great help, he guided you, gave you strength to fight, and now… You were falling for him. You were falling in love with this man.

“Zhongli.. I… I don’t know what to say, I-” You squeezed his hand again, on the verge of tears. You were sure he knew, the way his gaze softened was far too telling. He knew, maybe he had known for a while. He had always been very perceptive, after all.

“Say nothing, (Name).” He softly spoke and you soon felt his free hand on your cheek. He was careful, at first only barely touching you, but you welcomed it, leaning in and basking in the pleasant feeling in your core.

“Just enjoy the night.”

The way he smiled almost made you melt, that otherworldly aura glowing stronger than ever. He was your savior, a blessing sent by the divines and someone for whom your pained heart swelled and sprung back to life. Looking at him and that gorgeous face of his, you slowly leaned in, allowing him a chance to reject your advances if he so pleased.

He, however, didn’t.

You wrapped your arms around his torso, holding on tightly for a twinge of closeness you did not even know you had been coveting. To somewhat your surprise, Zhongli returned the hug and as soon as you felt his arms around your form, you let out a breath that held the final bits of dread and worry in your body.

Nothing felt real anymore, nothing felt scary anymore. For as long as you remained in his embrace, you were at peace more than ever before.

~

The way back to your home was quiet, but you remained close to him, practically hugging his arm. Some uncertainty still lingered, as you weren’t quite sure how Zhongli himself thought of you. You had already accepted your feelings for him, but would not feel sad if those feelings weren’t returned. He had already saved and helped you tremendously, it would feel selfish to think that on top of that, he’d hold the same feelings of affection towards you.

Yet he wouldn’t hold your hand whilst you walked if he didn’t, right?

The last of the fireworks boomed distantly, and the once busy harbor was quiet as people concluded their celebrations. The warm lanterns illuminated the streets leading to that familiar staircase beautifully and made you wish the night would never end.

“Thank you for tonight.”

His voice was as calm as ever as you stepped up the crimson stairs, but his words pierced your heart. You gave his hand a squeeze, humming and nodding as a response. You didn’t want him to go, not yet. So as you both reached the front door, you were quick to speak:

“Why don’t you… Come in for a minute? For tea?”

The way your proposal came out was less than elegant, but you were glad to see him nod.

“I would love to.”

You were quick, perhaps too quick, to open the door and invite him in, your dress flowing with every movement. He walked in and looked around, surprised to see almost no changes from when he last saw your home all those months ago. Everything was more or less the same, and he surmised that maybe you felt it impolite to make big changes to something that technically did not belong to you.

Zhongli sat down on some cushions that laid on the floor in front of the low table and you immediately began preparing tea, bringing water to a boil under a fire. “I hope you have found your time in Liyue comfortable,” you heard him say.

“I certainly have. It is a wonderful region.” You picked out two porcelain cups and laid them in front of the low table in front of him. “Makes me wonder what the other corners of Teyvat have to offer.”

Zhongli hummed at your words as you poured the steaming hot jasmine tea for the both of you.

“Mondstadt, the City of Freedom lies not too far from here. Ruled by the Anemo Archon Barbatos, Mondstadt is also known as the city of wine and song.” As Zhongli spoke in the manner you were so used to, you sat down next to him, listening curiously.

“If you ever plan to visit, you should try dandelion wine. It is the most famous beverage in the nation.”

The City of Freedom, huh? That certainly sounded promising. He spoke with a fond smile upon his lips that told you that he himself had visited the regions many times. You took a sip of your warm drink.

“Perhaps I’ll visit someday. You certainly made Mondstadt sound like the most intriguing travel destination.”

You both chuckled at your words. The atmosphere was light and warm and you felt an increasing tranquility in your being.

A comfortable silence fell over you as you both enjoyed the most beloved jasmine tea. Ever since the day he invited you for a cup all those months ago, the flavor grew on you, and you found yourself drinking it often. Its supposed symbolism of purity and good luck wasn’t forgotten by you, and you thought about it a lot. Maybe you were attempting to harness some of that good luck whenever you enjoyed it.

In the past, you would have thought such superstitions foolish, however, you couldn’t deny the fortunate things that had happened to you. You doubted it was because of one cup of jasmine tea, but you had been lucky. Unbelievably so.

You turned to Zhongli, the physical manifestation of that luck. Even in your dimly lit home, he was beautiful, like an iridescent crystal in moonlight. When you looked at him, your thoughts were a mess. A mixture of joy, relief, confusion, and even… Adoration. In the midst of it all, however, questions floated.

“I… I don’t think I have ever asked this of you but…” Something came over you and you scooted closer to him on the floor, leaving the comfortable cushion behind. Zhongli tilted his head slightly, waiting for you to continue.

“Why have you helped me so much?”

It was an inquiry that had been in your mind all this time, yet you had never found a proper place and time to bring it up. Now, it felt right, for whatever reason.

He stayed quiet for some time, golden eyes looking down for the briefest moment. It seemed like he had to think of his response, which admittedly felt odd. He pondered for a few more seconds before finally speaking:

“Because it is the right thing to do.” His answer was just about what you were expecting, spoken in a quiet tone. There was something in his eyes, though, something you could not place your finger on. His answer made sense but did not shed any light on why he would go so far out of his way to aid you.

“Saving me from a cold rain I understand. But all of… This,” with your hands and gaze you pointed at the surroundings that were so selflessly given to you by him. “And more, I mean…” You took a breath.

“Why do this for anyone, let alone someone you barely know?”

For a while, you had thought everyone in this cursed world lived for their own selfish needs, but the recent actions of the people around you completely turned that assumption around. However, even if your view of the world wasn’t ruled by selfishness, all that Zhongli did for you was still extensive.

Zhongli was not surprised by your confusion, even he knew that though his help was appreciated, it would only be a matter of time before you questioned his reasonings. You were right, he was not obligated to help anyone to this degree, but he felt like in a way he was because-

“It is my duty.”

His words left you puzzled, unsure what he meant. You tried to dissect his response, but it made little sense. His duty? He was influential in the harbor to some degree, yes, but he was no ruler, it wasn’t his burden to care for the people of Liyue, he was a mere consultant of the Wangsheng Funeral parlor. Right?

Zhongli noticed the confusion his words ignited in you.

“I do not expect you to fully comprehend the reasons behind my actions. But know that aiding others is… a part of me, so to speak. It is a duty that soars beyond the things I do for Director Hu.” 

He looked to be in thought for a few seconds again before he turned to you again.

“You could say it is a personal matter of mine.”

You looked at him, trying your best to listen. It was clear that he was leaving details out, but you wouldn’t press him for any more information. Your confusion hadn’t fully disappeared, but you appreciated the additional insight into how someone like him thought and operated. 

And in the end, it didn’t really matter, for he had already done so much for you.

“I see…”

After a brief moment of silence, you looked at him, eyes shining bright with gratitude. You took one of his hands, a bold move that was partially subconscious, and spoke with a voice full of strength and life.

“Zhongli…”

The way you said his name with such gentleness tickled in his chest and echoed in his ears like a pleasant melody. The grip with which you held his hand was firm, rid of uncertainty and anxiety that once plagued you. There was a flame in your eyes and words of recognition upon your lips.

You had never looked more heavenly.

“Thank you. For everything you have done.”

Something pulled you towards him and soon you held his gloved hand near your chest, your heartfelt words flying into the air with utmost care. 

“For so long, I had nothing. I was nothing. Just a miserable pile of flesh.”

The faded memories of abuse attempted a return, but they vanished as soon as you saw his eyes soften. It was as if with his presence alone, he was shielding you from all that threatened to hurt you.

“But you helped me find myself and my strength. I have never felt so alive before.” You let out a half chuckle out of raw joy, shrugging your shoulders and clutching his hand, all the while he listened intently, not wanting to miss any word that came out of your mouth.

“I… I owe you my life. And I don’t know how I could even begin to repay you…”

Zhongli noticed a stray tear running down your cheek, fueled not by misery, but by faultless bliss that had fully taken over your regrets and worries of the past. Through that single tear, he saw a smile so precious it made him want to always see it adorning your features.

“Truly, Zhongli… Thank you. I don’t think I could ha-”

Your sentence was cut short when you felt his free hand on your cheek for the second time this evening. He wiped the tear you hadn’t even noticed most tenderly, leaving you to look at him as a warmth crawled onto your cheeks. His perfect smile was gentle and comforting. His stunning eyes shined like shards of radiant sunbeams.

“You look so lovely tonight…”

Your teary eyes widened and something in your core twitched. His voice was the quietest you had ever heard it, he sounded almost… Vulnerable. There was anticipation in the air and you swallowed a lump in your throat. Your heart raced, but you leaned forward, fueled by something you hadn’t felt in years.

Desire.

Zhongli noticed your actions and welcomed them, though carefully. Leaning in, he kept his gentle hand on your cheek and allowed you to decide where all of this would lead to, and at what pace.

And it didn’t take long until you felt his lips against yours.

Instantly, it felt like a massive weight was lifted from your body like the last of your troubles just vanished into thin air. His lips were soft, his hand on your cheek felt comforting and Gods, he smelled amazing.

You sighed against his lips, feeling a thrilling tingle in the pit of your stomach. Something in your brain that had laid dormant bounced back to life. It was a passionate desire, lust even and it seemed to spread throughout your body quicker than your brain could process it.

One of your hands found their way into the base of his neck, and the other settled against his chest. You could briefly feel his heartbeat against your hand, and that only seemed to add fuel to the growing flame inside you. You pulled his head closer, deepening the kiss that felt like it was feeding an ancient hunger.

Zhongli held his hand at your waist, gently pulling you closer. Your touch was like fire against him, with each passing moment he felt more and more like he was losing himself to this increasing longing for you. However, if that was what you wished, he didn’t wish to step too far.

Pulling back for a fleeting moment, you looked at him through half-lidded eyes, vision clouded by whatever it was that had taken over. You felt hot, and suddenly, just looking at him was enough to awaken indecent emotions.

It was not mere obscenity that invaded your thoughts. As you looked at him, a smile crept up to your face, and your heart swelled. The way he touched you was most caring and the way he looked at you made you feel warmth unlike any before it. He looked down at you, eyes sparkling with affection, framed by the softest of gazes.

Your fingers trailed his face, that perfectly sculpted jaw, and those soft lips of his. You sighed again, marveling at his being. Once again, he looked ethereal in ways you could not comprehend.

You leaned back while still holding him, silently inviting him to the floor. He followed, looming over you as you lay on the ground. You pulled him in for another kiss, which he did not protest, instead allowing his hand to slide to your hip that he squeezed through your dress, sending shivers down your spine and a noise rose from your throat.

That seemed to awaken him from a lustful trance, as he quickly pulled back. He created some distance and you gave him a puzzled look. His gaze had suddenly shifted into something akin to pressing concern.

“Do you… Want this?” He was slightly out of breath, but the question was necessary, for at this point he was more than certain his suspicions of your past were correct, and so he would not put you through something so abominable again, even by accident.

You froze at his question, seemingly being pulled up from a deep sea of danger. His words floated in your head and made you confused, hazed even.

Did you want this?

For the first time ever, you were truly given a choice. You had been so ready for him mere moments ago because for what had felt like forever, that was all you knew. Your damaged mind automatically accepted that you would share this moment no matter what, and while you were certainly more welcome to it than ever, now that the matter of what you truly wanted was in the air… You were stunned.

You looked at him, and for a second, you thought you saw Childe’s wicked grin flash before your eyes. He had only ever taken you greedily, never once considering your feelings or desires. That’s how it always went, thus you had never even fancied the possibility of it being any other way. The monster had corrupted you and your perception of intimacy, and what it could be.

The man before you was no monster.

Your hand traveled to his cheek and your face melted from uncertainty to adoring determination. The image of your tormentor vanished, and you would never allow him to haunt you again.

“I want you, Zhongli.”

His taut body relaxed, and he seemed almost surprised. But he knew from your expression that there were no ghosts of the past possessing you. It was you who spoke to him, you who desired him, and you, who he yearned for.

Zhongli kissed you again, softly. He removed his gloves and threw them somewhere with little to no care. Your hands rested on the sides of his face, dying to have him as close as possible. The way his hands glided along your still clothed body was most delicate, like he was handling the most fragile being in all of Teyvat.

Through the undeniable bliss that threatened to blind him, Zhongli studied you, making sure he couldn’t see any signs of discomfort or pain. He wanted this as much as you did, but he would put an end to it all if it brought you any form of displeasure.

Slowly you felt his sweet lips on the skin of your neck, each kiss burning passionately and causing sighs and whimpers to escape your mouth. He was being as gentle as one could be yet it was all you needed. It was all you wanted.

Zhongli took your hand gingerly and helped you sit up, and your heart only began to race faster. He wrapped his fingers around the ribbon wrapped around your waist but did nothing more.

“May I?”

His deep voice was quiet, sounding different than usual somehow. You nodded, smiling at him shyly. You appreciated his actions more than you even realized. Though you were nervous to be exposed in front of someone after such a long time, in this moment you wouldn’t have wanted it to be with anyone else.

Zhongli began delicately undoing the ribbon, allowing your robe to flow free in the warm air. He was careful not to tear the thin fabric as he pushed the layers aside, slowly revealing a haven of bare skin.

The expensive dress pooled on the ground around you and you quickly pushed it aside lest it get damaged during what was to come. When you caught his gaze, you witnessed a man immersed in an unadulterated adoration, as if losing himself in a sea of deepest devotion.  

The brunet’s face twisted into the slightest of frowns as his eyes locked onto the faded scars littered throughout your body. Discomfort poked his heart and he found himself tracing one on your shoulder with his finger. A twinge of shame latched itself on you, but you pushed it aside as best you could, for you didn’t wish to ruin this moment of vulnerability with him.

You did not want to hide from him anymore.

Zhongli eyed your body. It had done its best to remove the physical reminders of violence and you did not look any less beautiful to him. It just saddened him to think about the things that you had gone through. Yet you had endured.

“Who did this to you..?”

The way he whispered was almost pained, as if merely seeing the harm done to you broke his heart into pieces. It didn’t surprise you in the slightest, yet you felt something akin to pleasant warmth in your chest at his words. He cared, and worried over your wounds unlike anyone had ever before. It was a feeling you had been robbed of, and though it ailed you to see him like this, you appreciated his deep concern for you.

You had never seen this side of him, the way his golden eyes looked at you, so utterly filled with fondness and affection, it would have felt foreign under any other circumstances. But the pieces fell into place with him, and everything felt right.

You didn’t shy away from him, or hide your being from him. Instead, you placed your hand on his wrist and leaned in, bringing your lips to his. This was no time to mourn the past, all you wanted, was to feel the warmth of his skin and touch.

Zhongli felt your hands on his lavish clothes, the eagerness to see him exposed fueling you as you slowly helped him out of his robes.

You marveled at his perfect skin, his beautiful physique that adorned him and only seemed to enhance his already hypnotizing beauty.

He leaned in, and your back made contact with the floor below you once again. He touched you gently, a hand settling on one of your breasts while his lips journeyed to your neck. His touch was soft and tame, yet it still sent shocks of pleasure through your nerves. 

Closing your eyes, you reveled in the sensations, enjoying the way his lips moved on the surface of your skin, how his hands were dying to explore every inch of you. Your head became heavy, and your hands found his upper back. You pulled him closer, letting out a soft sigh of pure bliss.

Zhongli was not blind to the way you relaxed at his actions, how utterly entranced you became. The way you responded to his every caress delighted and surprised him, but also filled him with profound relief, knowing that he was bringing you such immense joy and contentment. As his hand slowly moved lower, he swore he could detect the faintest trace of a smile playing upon your lips, a silent confirmation that you were experiencing nothing but pleasure.

He kissed you again, a low moan rumbling in his throat that made you twitch. With delicate fingers, he touched the spot that ached for him most, surprised at the amount of slick he felt on his digits. You mewled, already arching your back for him, more than ready for him to slide his fingers into you.

Zhongli pulled back to check on you, only to see an expression so full of lust and affection that it washed all doubt of you not wanting this away. Not only did you look incredibly eager for him, you were also joyful, happy even, and it warmed his heart more than anything had before.

The amount of trust you placed in him to reveal you vulnerabilities like this was a marvel.. Your beautiful eyes looked straight at him, never shying away for even a fleeting moment. In the depths of your gaze, he beheld a strength rarely witnessed in mortal beings, an indomitable spirit that ignited a yearning within him like nothing he'd ever experienced.

Two of his fingers entered you effortlessly, earning him a satisfied mixture of sighs and moans from you. He took in your reaction, it only increased his own arousal. To bring you such pleasures, fueled his desires more than anything ever could.

“Oh… Zhongli…” In your ecstasy, you sang his name like a prayer, desperate to feel more of him. You wrapped your hands around him and pulled him to you once more, all the while his hand worked its magic between your legs.

His touch was measured and deliberate, ensuring your comfort as his eyes watched how your face melted and twisted in pleasure. Your body was on fire and your core tightened with every pump of his skillful fingers. You felt like you were floating in the air, your every sense alert, yet only being able to focus on the sensation of his digits, the sound of his sighs, and the sight of his gorgeous face that was flushed red ever so slightly.

Your insides throbbed against his fingers with every push, so incredibly needy for him. The memory of such intimate pleasure had become a distant memory, suppressed by your own restraint. At that moment, you chided yourself for denying such sensations, for the wave of pure ecstasy that surged through your body, from your core to your very fingertips, was nothing short of addictive.

Zhongli’s attentive gaze looked at you, somehow managing to both look out for any signs of unpleasantness and appreciate your erotic reactions that took the form of those sweet noises from your lips and contorted twitches of your body. He was utterly mesmerized by how you looked and most of all by the fact that this was his doing.

Your unquenchable craving for the man before you was no longer a mystery, it was exposed in all of its obscene glory.

His thumb brushed against a certain sensitive nub that had become swollen with your arousal. The sensation made you twitch, a clear indication for Zhongli to do it again. 

Whilst his two fingers moved in and out of your drenched hole, his thumb gently rubbed circles against your clit, spiraling you further down in ecstasy. Your moans threatened to louden due to the new and overwhelming sensations, and you attempted to suppress them. It was a mere habitual reaction, done without thinking, but it did not go unnoticed by Zhongli.

“Let me hear you, my jewel,” he murmured against the crook of your neck. “Your voice is so heavenly…” He nuzzled against you in an almost animalistic yet comforting way before pressing a plethora of kisses on the surface of your skin.

Your voice flew into the hot air and Zhongli was eager to please you, quickening the pace at which his hand skillfully worked, making you clench around him ever so hungrily.  

“S-so good… Feels so good.” It was nonsensical how good he was making you feel with his mere fingers, how much pleasure coursed through your entire being.

He lifted his head to look at you, and you only melted even more upon seeing the tenderness in his gaze. The contrast was astonishing. His fingers moved in such ways it almost made you feel dirty, and yet, his eyes burned with the most profound care and devotion.

The improper noises that his fingers making contact with your insides fell mute as all you could focus on was him and his eyes, those eyes that watched over you, even now.

With a heaving breath, you whispered his name and brought him closer, clashing your lips with his. Your hands held onto the sides of his head, desperately needing to feel him close as the knot in your core tightened when his fingers reached new depths.

In that moment, your mind was enveloped in a thick, euphoric haze, a dense fog that you surrendered yourself to with abandon. You had been so alone, so drained of any pleasures of intimacy for so long, that you couldn’t reject them now. And the sole reason for this intoxicating bliss was the man before you

Zhongli, Zhongli, Oh, Zhongli, that was all you heard in your head as you kissed him, moaning against his lips like a starving woman. Clenching around his fingers for the final time, you came undone, bucking your hips against his hand and savoring the quivering waves of joyful pleasure that engulfed your being.

It was only then that you retreated from him, breathing heavily and allowing him to witness your flushed expression and half-opened, almost tearful eyes.

“Are you alright?” He whispered, with the utmost softness in his tone. He fixed a stray strand of your hair that had fallen out of place and watched as your wet lips turned upwards into a smile.

“Never better.” You caressed the perfectly soft skin of his face with your thumb, feeling like you were floating and the air around you was as clear as could be. Never had you been so sure of what you felt, never had you been so captivated by someone.

You only coveted him more.

Zhongli noticed the continuous movement of your hips. Your body was desiring him more, even beyond your breathtaking culmination of euphoria.

“Are you sure?” He was of course happy to indulge but was fearful that you were offering yourself for his own pleasure, as you might have done in the past. He only wanted you to enjoy yourself.

You nodded eagerly, more than sure of what you wanted. There was no doubt in your mind. You wanted to feel him, touch him, love him. With pleading eyes you looked at him, and he pressed a kiss on your lips, silently accepting your request.

Carefully, he positioned himself at your entrance, almost at his limit. He couldn’t deny his own arousal, but for the sake of your well-being, he would hold back, and enjoy himself to the fullest. He wanted you, he really did, but would never admit to himself just how happy and relieved he was that you allowed him this moment.

He entered you slowly, and the stretch of him alone was enough to once again pull your head back. Gods, it felt heavenly. Throughout it all, you looked at him, unable to take your eyes off his perfect features. His mouth was slightly opened, eyes half-lidded as he took in your warmth as he slid into you.

Zhongli hissed at the sensation, his head dipping low as he tried to cope with the feeling. It was as if you were made for him, you took him so well, it was unbelievable.

It didn’t take long for him to start moving. The slow, drawn-out thrusts felt ecstatic, blessing him with an array of moans and whimpers from your mouth. He pressed himself against you, and you wrapped your arms around his shoulders. You felt his breath tickling your neck, sending shivers down your spine.

With each thrust, you throbbed against him and tightened around him which only prompted him to give you more and dig himself deeper.

“Hah… Gods, you feel divine.” His hand found your cheek and his eyes bore into yours. He was as tender as he could be, dying to shower you with his affection. His eyes glowed warmly, framed by his eyebrows that were frowned ever so slightly due to these overwhelming sensations.

Your heart skipped a beat every time he moved, every time he touched you, and every time those safe, golden irises stared at you. He embodied everything that made you happy, everything that made you feel secure. All your worries and images of the past disintegrated as he held onto you so earnestly, and loved you so genuinely.

Zhongli showed no signs of fatigue, and only seemed to increase his movements, bringing his lips to yours once more in a multitude of messy kisses. You wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

As they lay there, fully exposed to one another, any invisible walls that once existed between the pair disappeared. There was a connection that only seemed to deepen as you indulged in each other’s less than pure desires.

However, there was no filth in the air, no desperate cries or the destruction of minds. Childe wasn’t there to threaten you, to harm you, to ignore all your protests. No, the image of the man had long disappeared from inside your head. In this moment, you had all but forgotten what he even looked like. Freedom was at your fingertips.

And your liberator was right in front of you.

His lips tenderly brushed over your neck, bestowing gentle kisses upon the faded scars, not claiming you as his own, but liberating you from the clutches of the one who had mistreated you. A silent vow echoed in his actions, a pledge to shield you from harm and safeguard your well-being as long as he drew breath.

You felt him touch the spot that made you see stars. Over and over he prodded at it crashing you with a massive wave of euphoria every time. Your noises grew louder and with it, Zhongli’s arousal reached new heights.

How he loved your voice, your sweet sounds. They were so full of life and emotion and they echoed in his ears like a spell and made him twitch.

When you wrapped your legs around his torso, he almost reached his peak right there. The new angle allowed him to hit your cervix far more effortlessly, making you both drown in each other’s pleasure.

“Zhongli… Oh.. Zhongli…” In the midst of mewls and gasps, you spoke his name. That was all you could say, for he was all you could think about. Your core was on fire, the familiar knot had returned and with every thrust, you clamped around his length more and more. He felt amazing, he made you so full you felt like you were losing your mind.

Zhongli noticed your expression, and how utterly entranced you were, drunk on the bliss he was providing you. The way your face twisted and melted by his actions was addicting and brought him closer to his impending peak.

Desiring to have you as close as possible, Zhongli wrapped his strong arms around you, and when you opened your eyes slightly, for a moment, you swore you could see a change in him. He picked up the pace and when you caught a glimpse of those gorgeous eyes, it almost seemed like they had an animalistic hunger in them.

You didn’t have time to delve any deeper into that as he buried his face in the crook of your neck, lifting you up ever so slightly so he could have you as close as possible. A strained moan ripped itself from your throat as he thrust in and out of you faster and faster, going deeper and deeper until you couldn’t hold in your brewing rapture.

As you came and you steadily pulsated around him, practically milking him, silently begging for him to finish, Zhongli gasped, allowing a most erotic sound to leap from his mouth. He gently took hold of your chin and kissed you in the most wonderful way as you felt him twitch and fully surrender to his undying desire for you.

There was a moment in which you heard nothing but your own heartbeat. Your vision was blurry and as the man who had saved you embraced your form, you let out a breath. And with that single breath, you let go of all doubts, all your demons, all your worries. His warmth enveloped you, and you granted yourself this moment and allowed your raw emotions to run wild.

As Zhongli looked at you, his face quickly twisted in concern as she saw your tearful eyes and quivering lip. He swallowed nervously, immediately wondering if all of this was a mistake. Your expression was distant as if your mind was on an entirely different planet.

Before he had time to speak, your eyes shifted to him, and a content smile tugged at the corners of your mouth. You brought your hand to his cheek, silently assuring him of your newly found peace of mind. You kissed him tenderly, relishing the way he held you and pulled you to him.

There was a moment of silence as he caressed your bare back, wonder floating in his head. He had never felt like this. It was foreign and yet, it felt right.

You sighed against him, wondering how you had gotten so fortunate. You couldn’t help but smile widely, you didn’t remember the last time you felt this alleviated. Gone were the flashes or the dreadful thoughts, now you only felt a warmth in you, accompanied by undying gratefulness.

Zhongli’s expression was more stoic, as he thought about the night he had found you and the previous questions you had. Much of what he saw that night was unknown to you, and so, Zhongli opened his mouth:

“When I found you on that stormy night…”

Your smile fell ever so slightly and you glanced at him but allowed him to continue.

“You were not only unconscious but distressed. Out of it, even.”

Your eyebrows frowned in confusion. The details of that night had become a distant fog of a memory, much like anything else, yet for some reason, what he was saying seemed urgent, and concerning. As far as you knew, you had passed out, not in some state of psychosis. Your stomach churned and Zhongli noted your concerned expression.

“I did not want to worry you, that is why I am only bringing this up now. I… I am sure it’s nothing you should worry about now, but I feel like I have to let you know of this, for your own safety.”

What he was saying didn’t make much sense, but you knew it was out of the goodness of his heart. Still, uncertainty prickled in your side, what did he see that night?

“You were… Frightened, crying frantically and begging for help, yet you seemed to assume no one was coming to your aid.”

Zhongli did not take joy in remembering all of this. The image was haunting, you had been terrified despite not being entirely conscious and he had been unsure what to do. You had thrashed on the ground, curling up into a ball and perhaps most disturbingly-

“There was a name.” He looked at you and you felt a heavy dread in the pit of your stomach. “A name that fell from your lips over and over again…”

He fell silent, taking in your reaction. He did not want to distress you any further but felt a pressing need to tell you all of this.

“You asked me why I have helped you to this degree, and truthfully, I initially stayed by your side tirelessly to ensure that this person you were escaping from, wouldn’t come after you.”

Your eyes widened ever so slightly. So that was the reason. Zhongli was privy to the fact that you had been tormented by someone this entire time. Perhaps it shouldn’t have surprised you and admittedly, his reasoning made sense, so why was your heart racing?

“I apologize for my secrecy, but I did not want to cause you any more stress than you were already in-”

“What was the name?”

You spoke before you could think, and the question flew from your mouth almost unwillingly. You didn’t even know why you would ask that, was it because you had forgotten the name of your twisted lover? That couldn’t be it, could it? Despite most of his wretched face having become nothing but a faded picture, his name still lingered, much to your dismay. The name “Childe” was etched into your brain and yet, something about his name was foggy.

Zhongli’s face turned to you, and you looked right back at him, determination to hear this name obvious in your eyes, though you didn’t know why. Zhongli hesitated, unsure if revealing this name was for the best, seeing as something had clearly been triggered by this information. 

Still, he took a deep breath and as soon as the words left his mouth, your face fell, your stomach turned, and your heart began to race. Suddenly, fragmented memories became whole again as you were once again reminded of a cruel fate you had been forced to endure. 

All of this came back, only because you were reminded of the cruel monster’s name.

“Ajax.”

~

Support me on ko-fi!❤️

[infernalodie]

𝐇𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐥 || 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐞𝐢 𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮

“𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘮𝘦𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘭 𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘣𝘢𝘥 𝘯𝘦𝘸𝘴 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯' 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘢, 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯' 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘢 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯' 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘦, 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯' 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘦“

Inspo: Montell Fish - Hotel

Pairing: Shouei Barou x Male!reader

Summary: There was something here since the two of you saw one another...

Warnings: Smut with a flash of fluff. Characters aged up.

Words: 1825

DNI IF YOU’RE YOUNGER THAN 18!

“B-Barou, hold on-”

“No. I’ve waited long enough.”

“Can we at least go somewhere else?”

“No. They need to know you’re mine.”

Your hands pressed against the behemoth’s chest, hoping to create some space, but Barou didn’t budge. Lips curled into a small smirk as he stared down at your reddened features. Eyes flickering around to your guys’ sleeping teammates. “Barou!” You whined softly, attempting to pull up the blue sweatpants that the man had been trying to rip from your body. “Showers. We can go there.”

The man did very little to show interest, only continuing to place kisses across your rich skin. The hem of your shirt bunched up around his wrists as he kissed, licked, nipped, and sucked spots across your stomach. Fingers gently toying with your pebbled nipples, inclined to break down your resilience with due time. Some specific placed kiss, feather-light touches, and you’ll become a needy toy within seconds.

“Barou…” You panted, hands sprawling through his spiked hair, nibbling on your bottom lip. The sight of him was something out of this world. Crimson orbs staring up at you, mouth placing spells on your body that formed a warm flush to your skin, he was something short of normal. “Hey! Hold on a sec-! Fuck.” You moaned, panicked features dissolving to one of relaxation.

Barou slowly stroked your cock, enjoying the sight of your embarrassed expression. “We do this now or I leave you high and dry, Y/n,” he whispered in that silky smooth tone of his. “This is beneficial for both of us.”

Although the truth was a tough pill to swallow, he was right. For days, the two of you had been training and dealing with the games you two and the rest of the team had to perform in. But ever since the both of you had met, there had been some sort of tension between the two of you. A thick rope was tied around your throat and tightened each time you were forced to communicate with the man. And it seemed like now, after nights of staring at the large hulking figure of Barou’s, trying to keep your gaze away from the spots that created a tent in your shorts, you were having those desires fulfilled.

“I don’t know how this is beneficial for me when anyone could see me like this.” You tried to wiggle your way out of his grasp, feeling incredibly hot with his warm palms encompassing your cock.

But it was useless with Barou applying his other hand to the center of your chest. “I know you want this as much as I do, Y/n,” he growled. “Just accept it. You want me as much as I want you.”

His thumb brushed across your red tip, smearing the pre-cum. You huffed, trying to keep any other noises beneath and avoid waking up any of your other teammates. The last thing you wanted to deal with was people not looking at you as a teammate or for them to just cast you out. And Barou wasn’t making it easy for you to keep your mind focused on that. If anything, you were sure the man could care less about what the others thought. The two of you were carrying the team through the first selection process, so they would have to respect the both of you.

Resting on your elbows, you watched with a warm face the man toy with you. His own eyes watching every twitch and twist of your expression as you tried to hold in those sweet little noises. Beginning to let his hand move and slowly stroke your small needy cock.

Moving closer, soon Barou was sitting between your naked thighs with those innocent eyes of yours staring up at him. The smile that twitched onto his lips was unknown to him, only knowing the genuine admiration in his heart as he slowly closed the space between the two of you. “You look gorgeous, Y/n.”

Meeting his lips it was a shot of adrenaline into the bloodstream. Because it wasn’t lust-filled or derived down to desire. Although you’d been wanting him since you first saw him, you wanted something softer. Something passionate and intimate. And you loved and adored every second of the moment.

Pressing your lips against his, something that was quickly reciprocated. His free hand holding your cheek with the delicacy that would be shown with a growing flower. Lips moving at your own pace that crafted a perfect bubbly feeling in both of your guts. This unpolished and abstract feeling neither of you knew of. It was overwhelming like Barou’s hulking figure towering over you. It was warm like Barou’s warm gaze that rested on you when you slept. It was soft like the hold he had on you. Everything about it was new but not unwelcome. Because you leaned on one arm, using your other arm to wrap around his neck and pull him closer.

With careful fingers and considerate thinking, Barou’s hand that once held your cock slid down with his index gently pushing past your fluttering entrance. The white-hot pain that flooded your body made you pull him closer. Allowing him to swallow your whimpers as you curled your legs around his waist. Inviting him in with one hand gently pushing against his pelvis, a soft but noticeable sign that Barou took into account. Getting you ready with slow and consistent thrusts and curls of his finger, all the while keeping the intimacy of the kiss. Ignoring the pain of his lungs pleading for a second of air.

You didn’t know if it was just the sensation of him partly being inside you or the kiss, but you were a muddy mess. And when you felt the tip of his cock start to stretch you, you pulled from his lips with a gasp. Bruised lips pursing together as your eyes clamped shut. Barou pulled away, sitting up with his hands finding their places on your hips with his thumbs rubbing circles. Hoping it would be enough to soothe the very apparent pain that increased the further he pushed.

And inevitably, you were a panting and whimpering mess with him flush to your body. Cock filling you to the brim. “Are you okay?” He whispered, teeth gritting as his hand was placed on the wall the two of you were lying beside. The vice grip you had around him was damn near unbearable and was slowly guiding him toward the release he’d been deprived of for a week.

It took a moment, a few shaky breaths, but you bit your bottom lip and looked up at him with tear-brimmed eyes. Nodding softly with your hands holding his sides. With a few consecutive thrusts that followed one after the other, creating a fuzzy feeling in your head, the pain subsided with pure animalistic arousal. Those groans that once fell from your lips morphed into moans that came as music to Barou’s ears.

The man hovering above you groaned, eyes flickering shut at the tensing and relaxing warmth of your walls surrounding his cock. Yanking him towards that edge the two of you were chasing and reaching out towards.

But whatever switch had been hardwired, redirecting the emotions and feelings you felt, had turned into something completely new. A different line of energy shooting into your veins made you stare up at Barou differently. Like you were finally feeling something that you didn’t before.

Whatever it had been, it had taken Barou by surprise when he felt your tongue run up the side of his neck. Unable to help the wet sensation from making his eyes roll back into his head. Tilting his head just enough to give you more access to act on these desires. You clamped your lips on his pulse point, moans muffled and sending vibrations right through his body.

Barou sped up his thrusts, hips slamming into yours with abandon. The mind becomes an unfinished puzzle of thoughts with your hips gently rocking to meet his thrusts. Those sweet noises of yours were surely loud enough to wake up the rest of the team, but he didn’t care. These blissful sensations you were giving him were unspeakable. No words could give them enough justice.

“Fuck, Y/n.” Barou panted, one of his hands reaching for the back of your head and forcing your lips against his skin. That tingling sensation in his lower gut was very apparent now, the euphoria in his body spreading throughout his cock pounded into you. “Fuck, I’m g-gonna fucking-”

He couldn’t finish his sentence with your lips smashing against his. Silencing the loud guttural moan to fill the room as he felt his release finally collapse on him. Hips stilling, flush with you before they twitched and he bucked into you. But your tight hole milked him dry before he inevitably pulled away from your body.

Although you were also in a sweaty daze, the sight of Barou sweating, cock fairly limp with remnants of his cum dripping off the tip, was something heavenly. Body cut by the gods and placed in your path to test your metal.

A smile tugged at his lips, running a hand through his hair that had lost its volume. “Fuck, you’re amazing.” But his eyes drifted down and found that you hadn’t finished. Your tip a needy red with pre cum dripping onto your stomach. And then you saw the flicker of light in his eyes as he slowly lowered to his stomach. A smirk etched across his lips as he said, “You deserve this as much as me.”

And you sat up on your elbows and watched him take you into his mouth. Head rolling back with your eyes closed.

If this was heaven, you weren’t ever planning on leaving.

“Hey, Y/n!” Isagi’s voice shook you from your daze, offering a tiny wave and hum, which was enough for the boy to frown, taking in your appearance and the bruises along your neck. Circles are evident underneath your eyes, showing that lack of rest had been a contributor. “Uh, are you okay? Were you training last night?”

The question made your body tense as you gave a sheepish smile. “Yup! For sure! That’s what happened!” You left zero room for the other to speak as you rushed over to your team's table. Isagi and Bachira didn’t allow their eyes to drift away from you, seeing you wince as you took a seat beside Barou. And speaking of your star player, the man grinned down at you, whispering something in your ear that caused you to clamp a hand over his mouth.

“They had sex,” Kunigami stated, shocking the two boys. But when he was met with silence, he found the pair staring at him incredulously. Making him stop chewing on his food and raise a brow. “What? You guys didn’t hear ’em last night?”

[shady-tavern]

Preview for "Heartless" the May Patreon Short Story

Everyone knew of the mage who had lost his heart. Some said he had given it to a beautiful but cruel witch, who had kept it since as a trophy. Others said he had been so cruel the beautiful witch had taken it in a bid to stop him and he haunted the lands ever since, lost and searching for what had been stolen. 

Others once again said he had gambled it away in the hopes of never again fearing the touch of death and decay. 

The legend changed depending on the warning people wanted to impart, but everyone agreed on one thing: Anyone who was able to return the mage's heart was owed a wish. A powerful one at that, one that could even bring back the dead. Or so they said.

Many people had tried to retrieve the heart over the years. Older folk who desired to regain their youth, young lovers who wanted to stay together forever and grieving parents who wanted their slain children back. Even slighted nobles who wished to marry a king to climb in station and show up their rivals along with hopeful peasants who wanted to enrich their lives had given it a try.

The yearning for eternal beauty, for invincibility, the desire to grow rich and famous, love and greed, despair and dreams, all those and more had driven people to seek out the mage.

He wasn't terribly hard to find if one knew how to, people said. One needed a cloudless night during a full moon, creating a circle made of acorns and cornflowers. A bowl would be placed in four spots, facing the four points of the compass. 

A bowl of milk facing the south, a bowl of salted mushrooms to the east, a bowl of white bones to the north and to the west stood a bowl filled with iron shavings.

Once those things were in place, one had to sing the mage's song. A lament that could not be messed up even once, nor was the singer allowed to stutter. The smallest misstep meant the mage would not deign to appear.

But once the ritual was completed, he'd be there, ethereal and beautiful. And very much heartless. Some people said his eyes were empty and black like coals, others said he was relentlessly hungry, a near mindless beast driven to try and get back what he had lost.

In stories he was either cold and uncaring or a moaning beast willing to tear people apart. Some said he ripped out their hearts when they failed to get him his back and that he stuffed theirs into his chest instead, only for the hearts to turn to dust in his hands. 

Others said he was quite satisfied with his lot in life, that he liked not feeling anything, walking in eternal coldness. That it made him sharp and impossible to trick and that his magic had become all the more powerful for it.

Whatever truth there may be to these stories, one thing remained unchanged: He had no heart. No one had been able to give it back to him, no matter how hard they had tried.

You could admit that you liked hearing stories about something as wondrous and yet as far removed from your life as a heartless mage. Your life was quiet and gentle and you liked it that way. While you loved stories of kings and queens and magical conquests, of evil slain and good prevailing, of innocent people rescued, such things had no place in your day to day life.

You were the daughter of a warm, frugal man who had married a reasonably rich merchant, a woman who gave freely and happily and both of them had raised you with plenty of love and care. You had wanted for nothing when they filled the house with laughter and taught you everything they could with gentle hands.

When you had decided to become a bee keeper and candle maker, they had helped you fulfill your dream, asking around until they had found the perfect little home and plot of land for you to pay off, since you refused their money. They had already given you enough.

"What would you ask for, if you got the mage's heart?" your best friend asked when she visited you one afternoon to pick up the produce from your bees, a jar of honey and two candles you had made for her.

You paused for a long moment, looking outside the window to your flower fields and the approaching heavy rain clouds. 

"I'd probably just give it back to him," you answered and at her incredulous look, you couldn't help but shrug. "I'm happy, right now there is nothing I'd ask for."

Happiness wasn't around every day of course. You had weathered many a storm, but largely you were, indeed, quite content with life. You had learned that even if dark times came, you could fight through them until you reached the light again. You could and would do it as many times as necessary.

"I'd probably ask for all the riches I could think of," your friend mused. "I'd love to go to the big city and attend the balls, you know? Dancing with dashing noblemen and women and just..." 

She sighed wistfully, adding, "Just imagine it. Glittering jewel chandeliers and all those elegant, courteous people. No one farting at the dinner table or anything like that."

You couldn't help but laugh as you handed over the candles she had asked for. You had carved some delicate flowers along the outside per her request and her eyes lit up when she saw your handiwork. 

"Why not marry the mage then? He should be able to give you all that with how sought after and highly regarded his kind are," you asked as she put everything into her basket.

"Mages are dangerous," she answered with a shake of her head. "I won't ever tangle with that. Besides, I heard that mages only appear beautiful at first. The longer you look at them, the stranger they become. I don't know. I don't think I could have a husband that would look less and less human every day."

That was reasonable enough, you supposed, if such things were true. 

Your friend frowned a little and sighed, "Not that I'd ever get a chance to find his heart in the first place, if the legend is even true. Old Brenna swears up and down that she saw him once, but then again she also claims to have seen bog bies and little gnomes. Still, wouldn't it be nice to not be stuck here?"

"I quite like it here," you said and cast a glance outside the window. "And if you don't plan to either walk through the rain or stay for dinner you should probably get going."

Your friend leaned forward to peer up at the sky as well and made a face. "Damn, you're right. Alright, I'll see you again tomorrow?"

"You're welcome anytime," you reassured her and she left with a fond smile, telling you to drop by for dinner at her place sometime soon.

A minute after she left the first drop hit your window, followed by many more. You took a moment to stand there and close your eyes, listening to the pitter patter of rain coming down on your cozy little home. What a lovely sound.

You cleaned up around the house for a bit, listening to the calming, steady fall of rain, before you peered out the window again. It was getting late enough that you should lock the chickens in their coop so they'd be safe during the night.

Grabbing your wool cloak to stay safe from the rain and getting barefoot into your boots since you couldn't be bothered to put on socks, you stepped outside. The smell of rain and warm earth welcomed you as you walked down the small path to the coop, lightly hopping from one broad, flat stone to the next.

You hummed to yourself and before you knew it, you were singing the mage's song as you checked if the chickens were already safely inside their coop. 

For all the joy, all the joy it brought to me

My heart longs, oh it longs to be set free

All's fair in love and war they say

But when your words, oh your sweet words wither and decay

My heart drowned, oh it drowned in sorrow's flood

So set me free, set me free so I can choose to land

In someone's kind and gentle hand

You weren't too worried about summoning the mage with just his song, considering the plethora of things one had to do on top of that – if he indeed existed. You doubted he'd even hear you singing in the rain in the first place.

If you were being honest, you quite liked the song, depending on your mood, you could sing it quickly and cheerfully or slowly and with melancholy. Today you sang it light and sweet with an undertone of joy, fitting to the good mood the gentle rain had brought as you locked in your chickens.

It took you a moment to notice the steady, muffled sound of footsteps and when you turned around, curious and surprised, you stilled, the song dying on your lips.

You knew it was the mage with just a glance. He stood tall and with elegant poise, his long, flowing robes were black as night and raven-dark embroidery shimmered on it in the dim, evening light falling through thick clouds.

His missing heart was easy to see, a ring of light glowing softly on his chest, reminding you of the solar eclipse you had seen once.

His long, pale hair fell down his back like a wave of shimmering silver and his lashes were dark and thick, his eyes a soft lavender. His eyes were the only bits of true color on him. 

Even the jewelry he was decked in was pale. The delicate silver crown with it's glittering gems, the earrings on his pointy ears, the rings on his elegant fingers and the necklace around his throat, they all looked like they were woven out of starlight and white gold.

"Good evening," the mage said and your friend had been right about one thing, the longer you looked at him, the less human he appeared.

His lavender eyes held a shine that was deeper and stranger than even the oldest woods, his nails seemed just a tad too hard and long, hinting at claws, his hair too shimmering and silver and his clothes were made of no fabric you had ever seen before. 

He seemed utterly out of place, standing among the flower fields that surrounded this side of your home, rain gently drumming down.

"I had not expected to hear my song tonight," he said, soft spoken and polite, but you weren't fooled. Mages were dangerous and you had been raised with a good head on your shoulders. "Especially without any of the usual provisions. Are you to make a bid for my heart?"

"Oh, my apologies," you hurried to say, nervously gripping your woolen cloak as you peered at him past the rim of your hood. "I merely like your song, I had not intended to call upon you. I honestly thought it wouldn't work without all the other demands being fulfilled."

His head tipped slightly, the fine, delicate chain on one ear glittering with the movement. "I see. Now that I did appear anyway, do you intend to make a bid for my heart?"

You wondered if it was painful for him, to wander around without one. If he was caught in a perpetual search for the next person who could gain it and trade it back for a wish. If maybe, between being summoned by songs, he was hunting for his heart himself.

"No," you answered honestly. You personally did not much enjoy lying in the first place, it only caused problems sooner or later. "I have no desire for your heart."

He blinked once and there was a pause, as though he was carefully choosing his words. "And what about a wish?"

You couldn't help but gesture all around you. "I like my life, I like this place and my work here and those I love are happy and healthy enough." Could wishes even make people truly happy? Or were they tricks, like fae deals? "There is little I want and the things I do desire I intend to get on my own."

He seemed surprised at your answer and then he was smiling and everything about him seemed just a tad brighter, from the glow on his chest to the glittering jewelry and the silver shine of his hair.

"A fair answer from a fair heart, I am glad to hear as much," he said, a touch of real warmth entering his voice. "My apologies for disturbing you then. Have a good evening."

He offered a polite little bow and was about to move on when you realized that he was getting more drenched with every moment. And while he was a mage, you did feel a bit bad that you had summoned him into this weather unintentionally.

"Would you like to come in?" you asked and he paused, glancing at you. "At least until the bad weather is over. I've been told I make pretty good food, too."

He blinked and water trailed over his crow, dripping off at the edges and he inclined his head in agreement, appearing somewhat curios.

You led the way back to your little home and held the door open for him. Toeing off your shoes and as he stepped inside, you fetched a linen towel for him and handed him the slippers you kept around for when you had visitors with bigger feet.

"Thank you for your hospitality," he said and you felt the brief shiver of magic in the air that dried him entirely as he refused the towel with a rather kind smile.

You left him to look around your open living room and kitchen as you started to boil water for a pot of tea. He was quite respectful of your space, glancing at some paintings you kept around and your little knickknacks on display.

He did pause when he saw your work, the candles you had finished today, some already packaged to be sent out tomorrow. The temple had a regular order that you fulfilled and they were due another delivery.

"You are quite skilled," he said and gestured at the candles you had carved and painted for market day. "May I?"

"Go ahead," you told him, digging out the fancy tea your mother had gifted you as a house warming gift.

By the time the tea was done, the mage had selected a few candles and upon inquiring for their prices, paid for them.

"May I put in an order?" he asked. "Some of my spellwork requires candles. Would you be willing to make enchanted ones as well, so long as I bring you the necessary components?"

"Can I even enchant candles? I'm about as ordinary as they come," you answered and the mage's face lit up.

To your surprise, the ensuing conversation and discussion about magic and magical properties that some things inherently possessed and how ordinary people could use them as well, was quite fun and interesting.

Before you knew it, you had served dinner and the mage had complimented you for the good food and you kept talking as the rain kept falling outside, moving into your living room to get comfortable on the two seats you had placed near the small fireplace.

You genuinely had so much fun you even managed to make the mage laugh, the jewelry on his ears tinkling softly as he was gripped by mirth. You were sad to see him go when the thrum of rain stopped at last.

"Feel free to visit whenever you want," you said with a smile as you accompanied him to the door. "I'm here most days and it can get quite lonely." You loved your friends and family, but they had their own lives and their own responsibilities and relationships to care for. You didn't get to see them as often as you'd like.

"I understand that all too well," the mage said with a little smile, melancholic and soft, that told you he indeed knew what it was like. "I will take you up on that offer. Ah, may I tell my friends and acquaintances about you as well? They have been looking for a good candle supplier for some time."

"Oh, of course, though, maybe give me some time to figure out how to create enchanted candles," you answered and he obligingly bowed his head a little.

As he left, he did so with a last smile, his jewelry shimmering as though freshly polished and his hair as fine as spun silver coated in starlight. He was gone just like that, melting into the dark of night as though he had become one with it.

Closing the door you went and cleaned up and finished packing away the candles for the next day. As you went to bed, you couldn't help but think that he didn't seem to be in pain, at the very least.

Still, you couldn't imagine that being heartless was very pleasant.

*.*.*

Would you like to read more? Then head over to my patreon and check out my stories there or give the masterpost a look!

Thank you all so much for your support, it makes it an absolute joy to keep writing stories!

[mermaid-trash]

Hear me out….

ayato is set for an arranged marriage but fell in love with the lady in waiting of the one he is supposed to marry

👂I’m listening….

listen i went angsty for this, I’m so sorry if you wanted a happy ending but I just couldn’t write one :’(

Warnings: angst, allusions to sex if you reeeaaaaally squint, fem!reader

Wordcount: 668

Borrowed moments. 

For all of his wealth and power, all of the promises he had made to you, that was all Ayato was truly capable of offering to you.

Brief minutes that seemed to exist outside of the reality of both of your lives. Clandestine arrangements made to take you both away from the prying eyes of his underlings and your boss- his wife-to-be.

Fragments of a life that could never be yours to keep.

The silvery glow of the moonlight had illuminated him that night, the night of his engagement, as he confessed his true feelings to you. Under soft white light, both he and his words had shimmered like precious jewels, so carefully alluring that you could not resist the temptation to tuck them into your sleeve, where no one else would see them.

Under the serene darkness of night, his delicate touch promised a future which you knew he could not provide- at least, not for you. In the fragile quiet of your room in the Kamisato residence, professions of a true love filled the air night after night, words that were selfish and filled with regret, until breathing them in felt impossible. Their meaning became stagnant as the wedding planning went on around you.

Yet, whether out of a warped sense of duty or pure selfishness, you struggled to disentangle yourself from the mess you had created between the young couple; your lover’s fiancée, a woman who had treated you with respect and dignity despite your position beneath her, had no idea of her husband-to-be’s late night trips to your room. Every morning, she came to you with a new question regarding their wedding ceremony, usually something arbitrary such as what colour flowers to choose or which dish would be better served at the reception. Your answers came out normally, as eloquent as ever, yet tinged with the hopes her fiancé had planted in your head. 

What colour flowers would you have had at your wedding? What dish would you had chosen to be your first as the wife of the nobleman?

These hopes, fantasies for a life you and he both knew could never be, grew rapidly, from a seedling to a wild thorny thicket that you recklessly threw yourself into each night without a care for the inevitable pain it would cause. Every morning you awoke to an empty bed with new scratches littering your psyche- and somehow, you convinced yourself it was worth it for a man who claimed to love you, yet could not separate his desires from his duties. 

But, with the ceremony looming closer and closer every day, the reality of your future became clearer with every passing moment. To be the other woman in this marriage, so close to the man you loved yet still unable to live out the life he had so thoughtlessly promised to you knowing full well that he could never provide it- that was not a role you were willing to fulfil. 

The stars seemed to shine brighter in the sky the night you left. The whole of Inazuma was restless that night, thrilled that the enigmatic Kamisato heir was to be married to a worthy noblewoman the very next day; meanwhile, you had left no word to either of the pair as to the reason for your departure nor your planned destination. Truthfully, you had no answer to the latter question, because it did not matter. Just as long as you were no longer here.

And, you told yourself bitterly, if your boss had questions about your reason for leaving, her new husband would be perfectly capable of answering them himself.

When you boarded the merchant ship in Ritou, the moonlight illuminated the restless ocean, white light dappling distant waves in a way that reminded you of pale skin framed with frosty blue hair, glowing ethereally under the same pristine moon; yet you did not look back. 

The stars illuminated the path ahead towards a future you could no longer envisage.

[luvismenu]

Three Way || Maknae Line

chap: ✎ 6 pt.2 (perfect man)

index

previous / next

a/n: it's here!!! your fav part of the story 👽 coughs

idek how to describe this ngl 😭 but it's smut??!?!?

it's nothing too extreme, I just wanted to write something cute lol

i hope you guys like it 💕

warning: light smut/implied sex

as you arrive home, you set your belongings down on the couch, the weight of the day slowly lifting from your shoulders. in the quiet of your apartment, you hear gentle knocks on the door, the sound instantly recognizable. with a knowing smile, you make your way to the door, anticipation fluttering in your chest as you prepare to greet the familiar visitor on the other side.

“jimin—” before you can even greet him, he's pushing his way inside, his hands cupping your face, soft lips meeting yours in a gentle caress, radiating warmth and tenderness as you shared a sweet moment of affection.

you wrap your arms around his neck, his hands make their way around your waist. you moan as he tilts his head to deepen the kiss. his hands move down, finding their way to your ass. you gasp, mouth opening just enough for his tongue to slide in.

your tongue intertwined with his, he sucks it into his mouth before pulling away. you look into his eyes, panting softly. “missed this” he breathed out.

“really? how much?” you teased, a playful grin spreading across your face.

“i'll show you how much princess” he says, his voice dripping with confidence and a hint of promise.

his hands firmly grasp your thighs as he effortlessly lifts you off the ground, your wrap your legs around his waist, looking at him with a mix of surprise and excitement.

jimin is a man driven by a deep desire to please those he cares about. his greatest satisfaction comes from seeing the pleasure he gives you. he is willing to go to great lengths to ensure that you are not just satisfied, but truly ecstatic. whether it's showering you with affection, fulfilling your sexual desires, or simply being there to listen, jimin loves to make you feel cherished.

and you love that about him.

he carries you to your bedroom and places you gently on the bed. he reaches into his pants pocket and takes out a condom. he tears it open using his teeth, the sound of the packet ripping echoing in the room.

“strip” and you did.

you enjoy being a bit of a brat, testing boundaries and pushing limits, but when it comes to jimin, it's different. he doesn't really order you around, but when he does, there's an undeniable thrill in obeying him. you find a unique satisfaction in fulfilling his requests, knowing that it brings pleasure to both of you.

both of your clothes were thrown across the room creating a disheveled and enticing mess. he kisses down your neck, enjoying how you react to his touches.

“i am gonna make you feel good...princess”

he did not lie.

jimin has never once made you feel uncomfortable. he's there for you as a friend whenever you need him, offering his time and companionship without ever overstepping the line. he fucks you and makes you feel cherished in every way possible.

he embodies everything you could ever ask for in a man—kind, dependable, and understanding. he's the epitome of perfection in so many ways, and yet, as you spend more time with him, you find yourself wondering...

is he the perfect man for you?

a/n: i am not really good at writing, i tried my best y'all don't come @ me 🙏🏻

[happyandticklish]

Forbidden Indulgences

Notes: I got the amazing @tiklart to create a gift for this year which I was hella stoked for, so I present, a Squealing Santa fic that has nothing to do with Christmas but is set IN winter, so that counts for something~ Thanks again to the amazing @hypahticklish for hosting this year! I couldn’t decide on a prompt to pick, so I combined all of them lol. Hope you enjoy, and merry early Christmas!! ^^ 

Warning for mentions OF sex, but no actual sex occurs

Giftee: @tiklart

Prompts: 

(1) “I love the grumpy tropes, where they refuse to admit they are ticklish but obviously are”

(2)  “I love ticklish backs”

(3)  “Randomly finding out they are ticklish and exploiting it”

Fandom: Attack on Titan

Ship: Eruri

Summary: Levi and Erwin have an unspoken something that both of them are in denial of. 

Both of them refused to acknowledge what was happening. It was impossible for them not to know what was going on, of course, but if neither one said anything they could almost pretend like things were still normal.

There was no clear start to it, which was what made it so frustrating. If he could only backtrack events to where it had all begun, maybe he could understand what had went wrong. Maybe he could have reversed it. 

It was a useless thought. Even if he could, Levi would never be able to muster up the willpower to do so. This thing they had was too addicting to stop now and he refused to give it up.

He knew it was costing him Erwin’s respect, but he didn’t care.

It came in the form of hands underneath the dinner table. Fingers casually reaching out over empty space and interlocking. A thumb brushed over the center of Levi’s palm and he closed his eyes briefly, allowing himself to entertain the startling sensation.

He could’ve let go.

He didn’t.

It came in nights when the paperwork had piled too high and Levi stopped on his way past the door to help him deal with it. They were up for hours, both watching the sun carefully descend regardless of their workload. Around 4 AM Erwin told him to go to bed. Levi told him not to be stupid.

It came during training when Levi’s strict orders halted suddenly at a hand at his shoulder. A single squeeze followed by a simple good job. He swallowed and waited a few seconds for Erwin to remove his hand. He didn’t, and so Levi was forced to continue their lesson for the day with the shame of knowing he could have shrugged him off, or moved away, or called him out on it. But Erwin’s hand was warm and heavy and he did none of these things.

He speculated on it that night. He was alone in the barracks, the door bolted to keep out annoying soldiers and blond men with a penchant for making him lose his principles. He listened to the creaking of wood and the vague sounds of voices in the distance and closed his eyes, trying to block them out.

He indulged himself in the possibility that Erwin wasn’t doing this on purpose. Maybe the man who had used Levi for everything he was worth in every other circumstance of life was choosing to be a human being for once. He brushed a thumb over his own palm, trying to replicate the feeling unsuccessfully. Maybe this was what Erwin wanted.

Although that in and of itself could have been a play on his part—using Levi to further his own pleasure. Were his desires so base as a physical need, or was it companionship he craved? Did Levi even care?

He inhaled slowly, trying to think this through rationally. If it was physical, he could fulfill that, if that’s what it took to make him happy. If it was companionship, he could provide that too. He could become a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold when the world came crashing down. He couldn’t blame Erwin for wanting that. Their world was a lonely one, and it was easy to get lost in the job if you didn’t have some kind of emotional tether keeping you grounded. Levi had no problem being that tether.

If he wanted something else, however…

He stopped himself before he could go any further. Erwin was seeking a means to an end, that was all. Levi was that means. So long as that was true, Levi could relax.

Being used was familiar territory. He could sleep at night being used.

He tried to remember this months later when he was in bed once again, only this time, Erwin’s form was curled around him, fingers lazily dragging through his hair. Levi’s body was turned into him, his head pressing against his chest, and he found himself grateful that Erwin couldn’t see his expression in that moment. He felt melt-y, a soft happiness thrumming inside his chest. Erwin’s chest rose and fell in rhythmic hums, each brush of his fingers sending shivers running down Levi’s back. He tried to remember himself and his goals to not get attached, but that was quickly getting lost in sensation. His body felt right, like he had been just one piece of a puzzle that was finally slotted into its rightful place.

Was this what sex was like? It had been too long for him to remember, but he was pretty sure it had never felt like this before.

“It’s 5 AM,” Erwin murmured. Pressed as close as he was, Levi could feel the vibrations of his throat as his words grumbled out of him. In response, he pressed a kiss into the crook of his neck, silencing the intruding voice. “Levi.”

“Commander.”

“Erwin,” Erwin corrected quickly. “You can call me that, here. Not just here,” he tacked on, almost thoughtfully. “We’ve known each other for years; I think we’re up to a first name basis.”

“I like Commander.” Not entirely a lie, which was good. Levi was working off of half-truths to get him through this.

“Oh?” The hand moved, trailing down his spine, and Levi tensed, trying to ignore the shift in sensations. “Is that so?”

“Stop whatever train of thought just entered your mind,” Levi demanded, rolling his eyes as he pulled him closer. He pressed another kiss to his neck, and another, and he felt the hand halt as Erwin’s eyes fluttered shut. He didn’t want to talk right now. He was too vulnerable in the mornings to keep up this front for too long. He wanted to lose himself in touch and not worry about the day ahead of them.

Unfortunately, Erwin had different plans. “The cadets are waiting. We told them to be up bright and early for the new training we’re initiating. It would be bad form if we’re late on the first day.”

“Mmm.” Another kiss followed by teeth scraping over his skin. Erwin flinched, a smile tugging at his face that Levi would have noted with interest if he had been paying attention. “It’s cold.”

“It’s winter.”

“Same difference.”

“It’s 5:02 now.”

“Hm.”

“Levi?”

Levi had given up on their back and forth, hoping Erwin would too. He wrapped his arms around Erwin, pulling him closer and basking in the warmth of his skin. He didn’t want to work today. He didn’t want to do anything today.

He was jerked out of these thoughts by nails curling at the base of his spine. He twitched minutely and ignored it, closing his eyes once more. Only for them to snap open when the sensation came again, and again, and again, irritably light and… tingly? He wasn’t quite sure how to describe it, only that he wanted it to stop.

Levi reached back to swat at Erwin’s hand only for his wrist to be caught, Erwin holding it effortlessly above their heads on the pillow. Levi’s other hand was crushed underneath their bodies and he squirmed, trying to dislodge either of them.

“Erwin.”

“There you go. Doesn’t that sound more human than ‘Commander’?”

His hand was still scratching and Levi was quickly getting fed up with it. He wasn’t sure why it was bothering him so much right now. Erwin had done the same thing many times before, but it had never been like this. The touch was so gentle, and he kept moving, circling his nails around the area before scribbling over it. It was like an annoying spider had taken up residency over his skin. He tugged at his arm, a tad bit helplessly this time.

“Erwin. Cut it out.”

“Why?”

“Because I said so, just—hmmehe!”

A finger sliding up his spine caught him off guard and he jumped, burying his face in Erwin’s chest to hide the expression on his face. His ears were tinged a bright red and a giddiness was slowly rising in his chest making him smiley and squirmy. It wasn’t a state Levi was used to being in, and it threw him off. He knew what this was, but he couldn’t quite put a name to it. Nails scratched under his shoulder blades and he shuddered, an obvious gesture that he knew wouldn’t be missed.

“Something wrong, Levi?” Erwin’s voice was too self-assured and if Levi could talk he would’ve reminded him of last night where they found out who was really in charge. Not that he could do that now, with a bubble of laughter trapped in his throat. “You’re moving an awful lot. This isn’t bothering you, is it?”

Levi’s hand gripped the pillow it was unfairly pinned against, hoping he didn’t look as tense as he felt. The word formed around his tongue as memories came flooding back to him. Tickling. That’s what this was. This was tickling him. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been tickled. Probably when he had still been with Isabel and Furlan, which was a sad thought to think about, but he didn’t have time to dwell on it because other memories were coming back to him as well—memories of him laughing and writhing under four hands that wrung screaming obscenities and pleas for mercy from him.

Memories of just how ticklish he once was.

Suddenly, the hands on his back seemed far more pressing and he twitched and struggled in Erwin’s grip, needing to stop things before those hands moved elsewhere. Though it was hard to think of it in the moment, he knew his back wasn’t the most sensitive place on him by far and he dreaded to think what would happen if those hands went elsewhere.

“E-Erwin,” he managed, unable to deny the grin on his face. He kept scratching this one spot at the base of his shoulder blades and Levi would go insane if he didn’t cut it out soon. “Erwin, please.”

“Please?” Erwin’s eyebrows shot up in surprise and Levi cursed himself for his lapse in judgement. "Already? I’ve seen you get backhanded into a tree by a Titan without complaint, but this is what gets you to beg?”

“Not begging,” Levi corrected quickly, an actual lie this time. The touch lightened, a barely there fluttery feeling that had Levi squeezing his eyes shut. He needed to laugh more than anything, his cheeks aching from smiling. If he could laugh, he could withstand this, but that was intolerable and so he choked the sound down, digging his heels into the mattress instead.

“No, not begging,” Erwin agreed. “Not yet. Maybe we can change that.”

Anticipation set Levi on edge at those words but he barely had time to think about it before Erwin had moved up to his neck, scribbling around the nape carelessly with no sympathy for the jumpy man next to him. This time he couldn’t help it, and a giggle bordering on a whine slipped out as Levi’s head snapped back to try to trap his fingers.

“Erwihin!”

“So that’s it.” Nails skittered behind his ear and the giggle was definitely a whine now, that desperate animal cry for mercy. “You’re ticklish.”

Levi shook his head as though that would be enough to convince him against the living evidence in front of him. He sucked in a shaking breath, gritting his way through a coherent sentence. “I’m not fucking ticklish.”

“No?”

“No, I—aHA!”

He cringed away as fingernails raked down his back, sending those strangely pleasant tingles through his body once more. It was strange. Every part of him longed to push Erwin’s body away from him and put as much distance as he could between himself and those stupid fucking hands, yet at the same time, the laughter rising in him wasn’t just from the tickling. Against all odds, he was having fun. It was the silly, childish kind of fun that comes from indulging in simple play, that giddy combination of helplessness and joy that mixed in his stomach in an aching nostalgia.

Here they were, the two people in charge of saving the world from the ever-constant threat of Titans, skipping training because they were too busy giggling and fooling around in Erwin’s bed.

It was ludicrous.

It was forbidden.

It was endlessly addicting.

Fingers scrabbled at his sides to try to burrow underneath the bed to get at his hips and Levi was really laughing now, a panicky, desperate laugh as he scrambled to get closer to Erwin and further away from his hand. The blankets were rucked up at the end of the bed as Levi kicked his legs in protest, trying to knee Erwin to get him to stop. A bolt of sensation shot up his spine as Erwin succeeded in his mission and grabbed onto his hip, pinching the bone in a manner that was unfairly effective. Levi buried the shriek in Erwin’s shoulder, tugging ferociously at his arm to try to defend himself.

It fucked tickled, way more than anything should have a right to, and Levi did not have enough experience enduring it to know how to defend himself. If he could just have a second to fucking focus, maybe he could get his other arm free, but Erwin wasn’t relenting and Levi let himself get lost in his own laughter so he didn’t do anything stupid like ask for it to stop.

“How is that you’ve apparently been this ticklish this whole time and I’ve never noticed?” Erwin’s speculations were not helping matters. “I can’t remember the last time I saw you smile, let alone laugh. If I had known this was all it took, I would have done this years ago. At the very least, I’ll know for the future.”

Levi’s stomach flipped at the idea that this was an experience he would have to endure again, and somehow that thought made everything feel even more intense. He needed to get free and he needed Erwin to keep going and he needed to breathe and he needed to never stop laughing like this ever again. He had spent months painstakingly forcing this wall of distance between them, second-guessing every action of Erwin’s, of his own, trying to figure out where the catch was. Now, pinned and desperate and stupidly ticklish, he had no chance of even thinking to put up that ruse. Possibly, this was the most open he had been with Erwin in years.

He never wanted it to stop.

And it almost didn’t. The seconds ticked by, and then the minutes, each one feeling especially long as the clock dipped closer to 5:30, 5:40, 6:00…. Levi wasn’t really sure how he was enduring it, but he hadn’t asked for it to stop and Erwin hadn’t allowed it to, and by then he was blissed out on laughter and the endorphins flooding his brain. He felt like he was on drugs. Maybe he was. Maybe this was some new form of it that people simply hadn’t discovered yet.

Neither of them knew how long it would have gone on if they hadn’t been interrupted. A knock on the door sent reality slamming into the both of them, a knot of fear tangling in Levi’s throat. With a strength that had been suspiciously absent this last hour, Levi jerked his hand free, kicking away from Erwin and scrambling to sit up on the bed. His heart was beating wildly in his chest and his whole body felt flushed and buzzing. He knew if he had been able to look at himself in a mirror, he would’ve seen the embarrassing combination of his hair which was sticking out in every direction, and the stupidly dopey smile still plastered over his face.

Luckily, he didn’t have to worry about putting on appearances as Erwin was far quicker to react. He calmly rolled out of bed and shucked on a shirt (luckily, they had had the decency to pull on some clothes after last night or this could have taken far longer), and straightened his hair with one hand as he cracked the door open to slip out into the hall.

From inside the room, Levi could hear the distant whisper of voices, and recognized one of them as Hange’s—probably they had been sent to retrieve them. He groaned, rubbing a hand over his features as he fell back on the bed. Embarrassment radiated off of him, but it was only a leftover echo of what he knew he should be feeling right now. He hadn’t felt true happiness in a while, but now he couldn’t seem to get rid of it, no matter how much he told himself he had to scrub it out before Erwin returned.

It was a couple minutes later before the door finally opened again and Erwin turned to face him with a startling calm. He seemed entirely unrattled that they had almost been discovered (for the sex or the tickling, Levi wasn’t sure—he couldn’t decide which was more mortifying). Instead, he came to sit down next to him, leaning back on the bed.

“I told them training was cancelled today. Evidently, you’re out with the flu.”

“I would never take the day off for that,” Levi scoffed, offended both at the lie and that Hange would believe it.

“No,” Erwin relented. “But it was the only thing I could think of to get us out of an intensive lecture followed by a sure to be exhausting training session with a bunch of unruly cadets. Besides,” he added, almost as an afterthought as he glanced over at a flushed, exhausted Levi. “You certainly look the part.”

“Ha,” Levi replied dryly, his mind too fuzzy to come up with anything wittier.

“Which means,” Erwin continued, fully turning around to hold Levi’s gaze in his own. “We have the day free.”

Levi swallowed, blaming it on the dry throat. “Indeed.”

“So.”

“So?”

“You’re ticklish.”

Levi swallowed again, this time with nothing to blame it on. “Yeah, no shit.”

“I don’t believe we finished what we started earlier.”

Levi quirked a brow, the bravado a false front that Erwin easily saw through. “You mean last night, or just now?”

Erwin slowly pressed him down against the bed, grabbing his wrists and pulling them above his head. He slung one leg over his waist, his hand coming to rest preemptively on his stomach—still for now, but that could change within the course of an instant. “I don’t know. I guess we’ll let you decide.”

This was dangerous.

This was so very, very, dangerous.

But for once in his life, Levi couldn’t find it in him to care.

[ane-doodles]

Ok so, I've decided to put in a nutshell the ideas I have for DCA (thanks for the encouragement @kazzykatt ). Here we go:

(Warning: this sounds like a pronoun letter quibble because English is not my first language and because I am using a translator)

1) The other side

Based on the musical number from the movie "The Great Showman". In this story, the DCA is one and it is part of some theater presentation, and whose sole purpose is to appear in it and when the play ceases to be famous it will be dismantled. Over the years doing the same thing over and over again the audience has slowly dwindled so it's almost time to end... while Sun wants to continue the show until it's over (because that's the purpose they were for) Moon wants to do something different and break the cycle. It is here that one night after their performance and while the play continues in the background Y/N (who was part of the audience) sneaks behind the scenes to convince them to go with him and create their own original performances and thus they will be able to continue doing what they love without fear of being dismantled one day. Sun obviously objects, taking this as a risky bet with no security, but Moon decides to take control of the situation and take a chance on Y/N in order to escape and get another chance to shine on stage.

2) Strangers like me

Yes, based on the soundtrack from the Tarzan movie. It's basically the dynamics of the relationship between AOI (one of my OC's) and Sundrop, but it can be reinterpreted by replacing my OC with another or with some Y/N that meets the characteristics. As AOI fulfills his assigned work and tries to fit in at the pizzaplex, he is also immensely curious and interested in the DCA, especially little Sundrop who has been nice to him despite the rest of them doing the opposite. Stoic, silent and expressionless AOI enjoys time in the company of someone so vibrant, while Sundrop... is fine.

3) One day out there

AN this one is based on the sundtrack from the Hunchback of Notredame. This is more of a little animation/storyboard that I'm slowly working on on my own. And it is basically the desire of DCA not only to leave the nursery, but also one day to leave the pizzaplex and see all those places that children tell them about, see with their own eyes the landscapes that appear in books and see first-hand where they come and where the people who visit them every day go.

4) Not in the same way

This is an AU focused on the relationship of Y/N and the DCA but this relationship has two sides: while the DCA is "head over heels in love with us", Y/N cares for them, but not in the same way.

DCA's point of view of the relationship is inspired by the song "Mr. Chu". They both have feelings for the human who has been working in maintenance for years. While Sundrop is more apparent, Moondrop tries to keep her feelings to herself, but they both take a genuine interest in Y/N.

On the other hand Y/N has a quiet life with a good job that pays well. He (and the entire pizzaplex except DCA himself) knows about the boys' feelings, but in the first instance he doesn't reciprocate in the same way. Despite this, he lets them be and at some point offers them "an opportunity" or to make them change their minds. His point of view is based on the song "Fumes".

[I hope to turn this into an original story one day]

5) Off the train!

This is a ghibli style based AU. In this story we have Y/N, a young opportunistic and optimistic person who has sneaked into a train disguised as a janitor to travel for free. While cleaning the last carriages, he hears someone yelling at a cage. Worried Y/N orders him to leave the place because it is "cleaning time and travelers should not be in this place". After the man leaves the scene, Y/N sees that the animatronic is sitting inside the cage and there is silence, that's when he offers them both to leave the train together and go to the city of robots. The confused boys accept and together with Y/N they embark on a journey of escape, adventure, fun and excitement together. This is an AU more focused on friendship than romance, so you get the idea. [I also wish to turn this into an original children's story one day]

6) La princesa y el dragón

Este es más bien una escena de confort basada en la canción del mismo nombre. En esta los chicos se mantienen junto a Y/N durante uno de esos momentos en los que el corazón duele y te sientes sólo, y mientras demuestran cariño también tratan de hacerte reír con sus palabras y alegorías.

7) Scars to your beautiful (mainly based on the chorus of the song)

Contrary to what you can imagine, in this AU we are the ones in charge of comforting the DCA (which here are two different robots).

After several years the Fazber Entertainment franchise has continued to grow and expand, and its main characters have been updated to meet the new standards. Unfortunately, due to their low popularity, the daycare boys have been left behind, being sold as worthless "collector's items" for the company along with other discontinued bots. Moon is calm about the situation, he knows that they could have been dismantled, so the idea of changing owners doesn't seem so bad to him, more like a change of scenery. On the other hand, Sun is devastated, because he believes that it is because of him that they are where they are, that it is because it is not as pleasant and calm as Moon or with such a beautiful design and appearance as glamrock, or with an impeccable no error history that both have been discontinued. It is here when we as Y/N are in charge of giving them a new opportunity to "live" for the boys and make them understand that although the world has changed that does not mean that they have lost their value, that they are still valuable to their way and that at least in our hearts they are the stars.

8) The artist's workshop

In the past I talked about this idea in this post.

Summary: Y/N a famous recognized artist suffers an accident in his workshop leaving him injured. His boss then forces him to accept help, but since Y/N doesn't usually interact with people much, he ends up buying a couple of animatronics. This pair of robots not only help him with the work and the safety and cleanliness of the workshop, but they also begin to show not only unique personalities, but interest in the arts and works of Y/N himself, giving us the inspiration that we had sought for years. [Yes, I would also like to turn this into an original story]

Notes: although for now everything is sketches of stories and scenes this is what has been rotating in my mind for a long time. In the future I would like to write original stories with my ideas, but if any of these ideas have inspired you, you can use them however you like, modifying or adapting them to your liking, after all, the same idea can be interpreted in different ways.

Luck! and I hope you liked it.

P.D: And if you ever create something using these ideas please tell me, I would pass out in your arms to see it

[strangefable]

Tarot Pairs Tag

tagged by @inafieldofdaisies, @josephseedismyfather, @aceghosts, & @simplegenius042 to do this uquiz, thank you lovelies <3

Our Sins Make You Mine (Micah x John)

the devil + the emperor there's only one religion for the two of you, and that religion is the other. you two are very nearly unhealthily obsessed with one another, and that's just how you like it. when they touch you, they can feel the blood pumping under the surface of your skin. your hearts beat for one another. when the day comes that one stops, the other will soon after. until then, you both will live out your lives in perfect, gothy paradise

obsession, devotion, blood, and religion of one another, yeah this should come as no surprise to anyone. micah and john are completely obsessed with each other, and no matter how much they protest, they like it that way. they were made for each other; when micah first entered his life, john unwittingly molded her into his perfect mate. and when they parted, she grew to match him even more than he could've imagined. their reuniting is when they each finally realize that they were always one another's home. (they're only gothy in the sense that they're like morticia and gomez, only more unhinged)

Wolves Can't Tame Snakes (Lilith x Jacob)

ace of cups + ten of cups your romance is the love story that seems only possible in movies. it starts from a youthful first meeting, innocent. and from what may seem like a lifetime later, you both end up happily in union, perhaps even married! your coupling is the epitome of emotional fulfillment and devotion. neither of you thought you'd end up here, but damn if you aren't glad you did

from jacob's perspective, it was an innocent first meeting. in reality, she was coated in the blood of the man she'd just killed and was still sitting over, so. they're married long before either of them is happy about it (thanks joe), but they do eventually learn to appreciate and respect and even feel a kind of devotion. jacob gets there a lot sooner than lilith, though. their relationship is definitely a shock to both of them, but they do wind up happy in it, despite their best efforts

A Bartender and her Vicar (Lore x Max)

the tower + the lovers meeting this person shook your whole world. crumbling down is everything you thought you knew about life and love. their warmth, their generosity, their naivete, their knowing...! you don't know how anything made sense before them. all you know is that nothing will make sense afterwards

oh boy, yes. lore stomped into that mission and both their worlds collided in violent, unmistakable, irrevocable sparks. they challenged each other and changed each other to their very cores. she traversed space and time to find him, unknowingly. fate had a hand in them, but in the end it was their desire to choose each other that created the bonds that saw them through. their worlds collided and became one, like the creation of planets

But She Was Mine First (Lilith x [Redacted])

the two of cups + the star your romance is a wish granted. finally, finally, they're here. finally, *it's* here! the time where you don't have to feel lonely anymore - you'll never feel that way ever again. laughter, joy, sweetness, kisses - be at ease. all of these are things you have found someone to share with. your love is a dreamy fantasy of love and devotion and miracles. at first, your chest gets too tight when they're around - until they become as natural as the air in your lungs

these two are young love personified, so most of this is fitting, except for the 'finally' part. they're everything that is soft, sweet, innocent, puppy love. until she ruins it and lives to regret it. life has some surprises coming for them, though

Fuck Around Burn It All Down (Micah x [Redacted])

knight of pentacles + the magician if there's something you want, you will GET IT. nothing escapes your fingertips. after all, you're the power couple. your pairing sparks pure cosmic energy. you're fiercely driven to your goals - whether that be status, fortune, or power. you're also fiercely protective of one another. with the knight's earthy energy, you both prefer to purposefully make your way towards your ambitions, rather than playing cards too early or acting too loosely. meanwhile, the magician's half makes gives you a little fire. if they get too close, onlookers and threats to your relationship may get burned

oh hot diggity DAMN does this fit. every word is exactly on the money. they are definitely a powerhouse power couple. but don't expect anyone else to benefit from it

passing no pressure tags along to: @direwombat, @legally-a-bastard, @thisisrigged4, @adelaidedrubman, @henbased, @roofgeese, @florbelles, @harmonyowl, @chazz-anova, @socially-awkward-skeleton, @shallow-gravy, @jillvalentinesday, @cassietrn, @poisonedtruth, @marivenah, @voidika, @unholymilf, @confidentandgood, @v0idbuggy, @theelderhazelnut, @wrathfulrook, @trench-rot, @dumbassdep, @incognito-insomniac, @gayafsatan, @strafethesesinners, @turbo-virgins, @vampireninjabunnies-blog, @asexual-wizard, @g0dspeeed, @euryalex, @mars-colony, @damejudyhench @eclecticwildflowers, @redreart, @derelictheretic, @fourlittleseedlings, @clonesupport, @the-lastcall, @mediocre-life-span, @beemot, @silver-horse, @glitchinginthegarden, and YOU, please feel free to tag me <3

[eternal-echoes]

“When a woman becomes aware of how easily men are visually stimulated, she must choose how she will use this information. Just as some men take advantage of a woman's desire for love in order to acquire pleasure at her expense, women sometimes prey upon the male desire for visual stimulation for the sake of feeling desirable. We're both guilty of using each other's weakness to our advantage. And we're both called to something greater.

In the beginning, our motives and desires weren't so muddled. At the dawn of creation, when Adam first saw Eve, her body revealed to him that they were meant to become one. Their bodies revealed their call to love and to give themselves to each other. That call to love is stamped into our bodies. This is why tight clothing captures a man's attention so easily. It captivates him, and it should. It's a glimpse of the one God created for us to love. You may have noticed when guys stare at a woman in public, their facial expressions almost look as if they've never seen a woman before. With each experience of feminine beauty, I believe that men unconsciously feel an echo of Adam's original awe at the creative work of God.

Because of original sin, we have fallen away from our original innocence. Typically, when a man views a woman's body, he doesn't simply appreciate her womanhood. Our disordered lust gets in the way of our call to love. The beauty of the body, instead of reminding us of the beauty of the person, often distracts us from it. Every man longs to behold beauty. Likewise, every woman longs to be looked at with awe and reverence, as Eve first thrilled the heart of Adam. However, there is a time and place for both of our desires to be fulfilled: within the security and sanctity of marriage.

…

By choosing modesty, you use your knowledge of a man's desires to help him see his call to love.”

-Jason Evert, How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul

[livviem-009]

Mephisto - Sherliam & Isekai'd adopted daughter! reader

~~~~~~~~

Summary: You had a bad dream about your past life and you reflect on what has happened to you and judge your own worth. Was this reality real or were selfish for projecting your own desires? A/N: This fic is half venting and half wish fulfillment. I wrote this to let some things out about what happened earlier. The title of this one is based on the song Mephisto by QUEEN BEE because it explains my feelings about my favorite characters. Trigger Warning: Suicide and Existentialism.

~~~~~~~~

Y/N felt her senses heightened as she fell asleep in her dream again. Her past life was foggy, but it was all too familiar. She feels like a puzzle out of place, a monster from dark origins, and everyone wants her gone. She was content with running away, not noticing the trucks that sent her to this new world. The one from her favorite manga, the one thing keeping her happy and inspiring her through her darkest times. But now she questions herself. Everything about this world is fictional; how was she going to handle things when the fantasy was over? She woke up in a cold sweat and drank the glass of water beside her.

"It’s just a dream, Y/N, it’s just a dream!" She tells herself before sneaking around the mansion to the bathroom.

Everyone’s been so kind to her since she got there, but she was mostly close to William. He adopted her into the family with no hesitation, taught her fencing, and saw her as a competent person even though she made mistakes. Y/N was even close to Sherlock Holmes himself and related to him through his thrill-seeking energy. But they aren’t real, right? After all, she was aware that this was a serialized manga series based on a very old book series. So often, these thoughts pile up in her head, but she doesn’t care since she is having fun. She just enjoyed meeting the characters and subtly thanking them for just existing.

‘But... Do real people say that? ’

Looking up at the mirror in the bathroom, she sees herself. This isn’t what she looks like in the real world. She was boring and weird in the real world, and no one wanted to be near her. Her ranting over characters only seems to push the people in her life away, especially her parents. Oh, how she remembered her father reprimanding her for watching anime instead of learning her new lessons for the new school year. Instead of encouraging her by introducing stuff that is both appealing and educational for her, like a nice person politely suggesting something interesting, Of course, it had to be shoved down, and it was taken as Y/N’s fault for ‘not fitting in’ and ‘being a weirdo. Sure, let your own daughter hate everything in her life just so you can feel superior for putting down others.

‘Did I do anything wrong? ’

They said that to help her, right? Y/N knows that she’s weird, and her family said that they loved her. But why were they trying to hide her so much? They didn’t even know that it got to the point that her darkness manifested inside her. She isn’t perfect, but did they lie about actually loving her?

‘Why... Does this hurt? ’

One day, she gets interested in something that gives her joy. William James Moriarty was her idol, her role model for how to be kind, and someone to admire. He was imperfect, but his nature was in the right place. He was a capable man who would answer for his sins, and after all that misery and despair, his life finally became happy after he was saved by the people he met along the way. To her, he was everything she wanted to be and more. He was admirable for living on

‘... But I’m not him.

Y/N was nothing like that. Reading through each panel, she rooted for him to succeed and wanted him to see how he was deserving of living in the new world he sought to create. For her, he had to live with Sherlock. When she was reborn into their world from the beginning, she met the younger version of them as the Rockwells only daughter. She turned to him for guidance. When she hits her teen years, her happiness stems from solving cases after school with Sherlock and John. She admired the two men; they were so different yet on the same page. Eventually, that admiration turned into a love between parents and child. But her dilemma comes from a different thought: she knew this was fake, so did she just replace her real family and world just for a fantasy to be happy?

‘Selfish…’

Her tears fell. Y/N was selfish. She’d replace her own family—such a selfish wish to be granted by characters who were better than her. Compared to them, she was only an outsider. She only knew how their story ended, and yet, why was she given the opportunity to live with them? Looking up at the mirror again, her face fell. No one truly loved her there; this was the reality she was running away from. No matter what world she lives in, no one really loves her, and she’ll never belong. Standing up, Y/N sneakily went to the weapon room and grabbed a gun.

‘Maybe this will wake me up. Why did I get reincarnated? Why were Liam and Sherly nice to a weirdo fan like me? ’

Her emotions felt numb as she walked towards the open window. Her hair was a mess from crying, but she didn’t care anymore. As she felt the cold night breeze blow through her hair, she adjusted her gun and put it on her head. This opportunity was a gift. Why did someone like her get to be happy while she herself was a monster? All she ever cared about was the lives of people who weren’t real, to the point where she doesn’t care about herself anymore. Before the girl could make the fatal mistake, she was yanked off the window and hit the cold, hard ground.

"What are you doing?" A frantic and scared voice rang out, making her freeze.

Two pairs of arms wrapped around her, giving her a head pat. Hot tears fell as Y/N recognized their voices. William and Sherlock saved her, didn’t they? The girl realized that, while they may be fictional, the feelings she felt for them were real. Every hardship they face inspires her to keep moving on. That’s why she was attached to them; they were her escape and hope. They’re the ones making her stronger, and just living makes her feel better. It’s what people who love you do for you. No matter what, the world she’s in is her reality now. Y/N’s old life was behind her since this world was a blessing and another chance to move on. She hugged her favorite characters close, feeling their warmth as she lost herself in the stories they shared.

"Y/N, are you okay now?" Sherlock asked, looking down.

His little girl was tired from crying. William wanted to stay with the both of them, so they just hugged until sunrise.