#sometimes I just want to say: Okay I guess ill stop! *drops everything and walks away*

[the-trans-dragon]

I’ve decided that the men who tell me I can’t do my job are correct! That *is* a man’s job. Every man who’s ever said that to me now has to pay my bills so I can stay home all day

[lucluvr]

Can you please do boyfriend HCs for the jjk men that you write for? Thank you!

⌗︙・boyfriend hcs !! ⸜⸜・ ft. gojo, geto, and nanami

a/n: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS THANK YOU SO MUCH NONNIE. you all will witness my mental illness today !!!!!!!!!!

content: pure fluff. just me brainrotting, slightly modern au ?, nudity mentions in gojo's (shocker), gn!reader (there’s use of princess in satoru’s), pet names, just cuteness all around with a small sex joke here and there !!! nanami’s is VERY self-indulgent, sorry </3

⌗︙・SATORU GOJO ⸜⸜・

satoru didnt even ask you to be his boyfriend, honestly. the two of you just started holding hands, calling e/o cute names, hanging out at some point.

when suguru asked him about your guys' relationship status gojo's first thought was "well, we've been going out on lots of dates, so i guess i'm their boyfriend!"

he constantly texts you asking "how was class? did you get home safe? today's mission was tough, get some rest. i love you." even if he's right next to you he'll still message you and talk to you.

he's a tease. everyone knows this. sometimes he'll bring up how the first time you went over to his house, you walked in on his naked and just stared at him for a few seconds.

"hey do you want chinese or mexican fo-" your eyes widen at the sight of satoru's bare chest. he turns around at the sound of your voice and his eyes slightly widen. suddenly the white towel wrapped around his hips falls to the ground. your eyes bulge out of your head, staring at the name in front of you.

"you like the view?" he winked putting his hand on his hip as his towel was laying by his ankles. his voice brought you out of your trance.

"OH MY GOD, IM SO SORRY!" you quickly turned on your heal and slammed his door shut. he could hear your groaning in embarrassment from outside the door. satoru doesn't really mind honestly, he thinks it's funny, but he'll never stop teasing you about it.

he really really really likes you. he's the type of guy who will always bring you up in a conversation. geto and shoko are annoyed by it, but they're both glad he's found someone who makes him this happy.

common pet names with him are: princess, doll, baby, honey, and sugar bear (he says this to piss you off)

his favorite thing to do is just be in your presence. he likes to watch you study, cook, draw, talk with others, everything. anything he can do with you or see you do is his favorite activity.

he likes showing off his strength, so sometimes he'll pick you up and just hold you.

you were cutting the veggies for tonight's stir fry as you heard the front door open. "satoru? baby, is that you?" you turn your head around and are welcomed by his pretty face.

"hi princess. how was your day?" he drops his stuff off by the door, shedding his coat and strides over to you. because of his height, he only takes a few steps before getting to you. you set the knife down on the board.

"it was okay, pretty boring. nanami dropped by to give you your- woah!" his arms wrap around you waist and he picks you up. instinctively, you wrap your legs around his waist, and hold onto his shoulders.

"what's all this for?" you ask, nuzzling into his neck.

"mm nothing, just missed you, pretty thing,"

⌗︙・SUGURU GETO ⸜⸜・

im sorry he's such a loser. i think geto's more of a loser bf, than gojo honestly.

he's a big softie when it comes to you.

he's the type to ask "would you love me if i was a worm?"

you guys were close friends for the longest time. he would see you and shoko together talking, and satoru would casually walk up to you and say hello, with geto following in suit.

he's quite the eye candy and had lots of girls after him for a while, but he's only had eyes for you.

with encouragement (blackmail) from satoru, geto was forced to use a pickup line on you. he stole gojo's apple and walked over to you in the cafeteria line.

you see geto walking up towards you, so you raise your hand up to wave at him. a soft smile appears on your face and geto's heart melts. he's down bad for you. he feels his heart racing and his palms grow sweaty. before you can say hello, geto places the apple in your palm and says with a small voice,

"you're the apple of my eye," and he runs off. shoko and satoru are laughing hysterically as they watch their friend dash off, his cheeks and ears stained pink.

you're left standing there in confusion.

i think the way yall start dating is one day is pouring after school. kids are running onto the buses, jumping in their parents' cars, opening umbrellas, but you realize you dont have an umbrella.

"shit," you mutter. you scrounge through your bag, hoping, praying that an umbrella will spawn in your bag, but alas, the world does not work like that.

"everything okay?" geto asked, peaking over your shoulder. you turn around to see him holding an umbrella in his hands. the two of you are next door neighbors, it wouldn't hurt to ask, right?

"no, i didn't bring an umbrella. can we walk home together?" you ask him sweetly. he can't refuse you and your pretty eyes. geto thinks he's never seen someone so cute. he gives you a smile, one only reserved for you, and holds his arm out. you wrap your arms and his and smile brightly,

"thank you so much! i love you!" he giggle, pushing yourself against his bigger build. geto looks down at you and chuckles.

"i love you too," he leans down and places a kiss on your forehead. "so much," he mutters. he opens his umbrella and starts walking. your heart is racing. did he just kiss you...and say he loves you?! he looks back behind him, giving you a soft smile. you look into his eyes and you felt like your heart was glowing. suguru geto is the owner of your heart, he you are the owner to his. 

hes a movie connoisseur and a home body, so lots of your dates include watching flims, tv shows, plays, etc 

a little personal headcanon of mine, but i think suguru loves flowers. he absolutely adores them, so please give him flowers, or put them in his hair. he’ll give you the cutest smile ever. 

common pet names with him would be: my love, star, darling, and baby

i also hc that hes a great cook ??? he’ll cook you anything. he’s not the best baker though, but he tries! and that’s all that matters

at the end of the day, suguru loves you more than anyone and he would go to hell and back if that meant he could see you smile. 

⌗︙・KENTO NANAMI ⸜⸜・

oh nanami...sweet sweet nanami

he’s the sweetest boyfriend ever. constantly has his arm around you, compliments you, drives you to work, packs your lunch, you name it, he does it

he’s the kindest man out there and he does anything you ask of him. all he wants in return is your love and loyalty. 

he gives you the ultimate princess treatment. you want lemon in your water, you got it. you don’t wanna drive to the store? he can do it. you don’t wanna push the cart? nanami will push it. you’re too lazy to do you assignments? nanami will help, but he’ll explain it to you as well. 

he’s so whipped for you too like. one time satoru caught him smiling at his phone and he was shocked.

“nanami!!! how are yo-” satoru abruptly stops in his tracks. he sees the soft smile painted on nanami’s face. he’s never seen this expression on nanami’s face before. sure nanami’s smiled in front of satoru before, but never like this. satoru feels his heart warm. he’s glad nanami has someone who makes him happy. will he use this to his advantage though? yes. oh yes he will.

“nanami!” satoru exclaims and wraps his arms around the blonde. he leans forward slightly, making eye contact with nanami. “sooo...who’s the lucky one?” satoru wiggles his eyebrows, smiling at nanami. nanami scoffs and tucks his phone back into his pocket. 

“my partner...” nanami mutters. satoru’s eyes widen. he didn’t expect nanami to actually answer him. satoru’s smile grows even ore warmer. the fact nanami is outwardly expressing his love for you, even going as far to allow satoru to know, you must be really important to him. 

“well im sure whoever it is, they’re lucky,” satoru pats nanami’s back and keeps walking. what he doesn’t hear tho is nanami saying,

“no it’s me, im the lucky one.” with his hand toying with the keychain in his pocket. it’s a tag with your name and anniversary date on it. nanami’s kept it on him since college and he intends to never take it off. 

he does tremendous research on any interest you have so he can understand what you’re talking about. you’re one of the people he wants to engage in conversation with, so he’ll do anything to make sure you always feel heard.

he’s a gossip bf. he’ll always want to know the drama going on in your life and if he overhears any too, you’ll be the first to know, no doubt. 

when he comes home after missions, he takes off his tie, jacket and harness and just lays on your thighs. sometimes he’ll ask if you can massage his shoulders or legs. 

much like geto, nanami is a great cook. he’s well versed in breakfast as that’s usually the only meal he makes himself. often times he’s too tired to eat dinner, or he’s grabbed some takeaway. however, the moment you entered his life, he’s learning every cultural dish of yours, your favorite sweets, snacks, drinks, etc. 

i think he’s a sucker for sweets, so he’s better at baking than cooking, but he’s still a star chef.

common pet names with him would be: love, honey, sweetheart, my [name], pretty

dates with nanami also tend to be pretty domestic. grocery and home decor seem to be your guys’ favorites.

“nanami, do we have any more detergent at home?” you ask him, browsing through all the different kinds of soaps. 

“i think so, but we should stock up.” he replies, grabbing the bulky white bottle. you stop him abruptly by grabbing his wrist. his eyes dart from the bottle to your face, trying to see if anything is wrong. when he cannot figure it out, he raises his eyebrow.

“i don’t like that one. i want the pink one,” you point to the bright pink bottle behind you. nanami sighs, smiling internally and places the white bottle back. you hand him the pink detergent, smiling. 

“oh yeah, can we get more snacks? i want more chips!” 

“we have six bags at home.”

“so? i want more. ill kiss you if you buy me it.” you wink at him as a pink hues seem to conquer his cheeks. he clears his throat,

“fine. but only two more.”

“that’s two kisses for you then,” you cup his cheek in your hand, kissing him once on the nose, then peck him on the lips. nanami’s left awkwardly looking at the laundry supplies as you skip over to the food ailes looking for more chips to bring home.

nanami believes that nothing could even be considered okay without you. his whole life took a turn when he met you. he started to take care of himself more, he cared about coming home at reasonable times, he had a reason now. and that reason was you.

no matter what happens in the future to the both of you, nanami knows for sure, he’ll never regret you being his first love. 

can you tell who’s my favorite jjk man..............?

[yearningandpatheticaboutit]

SPEAK FOR YOURSELF

CHAPTER 9: LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH

A/N: i made a moodboard for yaera and im really proud of it lmao

warnings: blood mention, drugs mention, suicide/self harm mention, gambling

wordcount: 8000 and some change

prev chapter

***

i remember climbing out my window that night. the moon was full, my stomach giddy thinking of seeing his pretty eyes. he said he wanted to meet me, i couldnt believe that what people said was true.

guys really were MEAN to the girls they liked.

being made fun of constantly? not my love language. never was. it reminded me too much of how my parents treated me, and i never found comfort in that at all.

my insecurities getting pointed out, getting mocked for the enjoyment of others. how could you like someone who did all those things to you?

i wondered that for a while. i was too hopeful, i guess.

that didnt stop me from doing my hair and finally making use of all the designer my mother brought home. i curled my fringe and the ends of my black hair, giving myself the look only a stupidly happy person could muster and snuck out of my house.

i didnt expect to see my twin sister doing the exact same thing.

our mouths collectively dropped open when we saw one another, completely baffled that neither of us had said anything. i wouldve told her where i was going, but she hadnt given me the time of day.

"i can explain," she nervously said, laughing. "okay nevermind, you first."

"no way!" i said, shaking my head. "you? sneaking out? fess up!"

yasmine was like the model twin to everyone. of course she wasnt perfect, she had flaws just like everyone else. she was a massive people pleaser, so i wondered just exactly who she was trying to impress with her new sneaky habits.

anyone that had my goodie two-shoes sister sneaking out of the house couldnt be good news, i thought. i was also impressed by how they managed to actually get her to go through with it.

"im just meeting...someone," she giggled dumbly. it was almost pitch black in our yard and yet i knew her cheeks were stained red.

"and you didnt tell me about him? who is it? someone from a rival school?"

my sister was dramatic enough to hide something like that. she had just broken up with her asshole boyfriend, collin, who no one liked, so i would have gladly encouraged this phase.

"its just someone. you dont know him."

i raised an eyebrow. "so when will i get to? whats his name?"

"im not saying anything, yae." she deadpanned.

"what?" i couldnt hide the disappointment from my voice. "but we tell each other everything."

she sighed. "relax, i will tell you just not right now. gosh quit being so codependent."

i frowned. "im not codependent i just care about your life. but whatever since you wanna be a massive bitch about it."

silence filled after a familiar insecurity rose to surface level. my sister knew how much i loved and needed her. she was my sister. some siblings were close, some werent. but my sister was my only friend. and all i really had. she knew that.

and sometimes she reminded me of how much i held her back.

she would sit with her massive friend group with attractive, sociable and fun people. she would always try to push me to talk to them or even make my own friends. i tried, i swear i did. it usually didnt go well. i never understood why.

maybe i was the problem. i could only really care about one person at a time. i didnt know what that was called. it took time for me to get close with people, the fear of being judged and abandoned an imminent one.

my brain always told me, my own sister would never abandon or judge me. we were blood. we were in this shit forever.

apparently i was the only one passionate about it.

"yae, cmon dont be like that," yasmine sighed. "i didnt mean that. i will tell you i promise."

i didnt answer her, only wiped the tears that gathered in my eyes for that moment. i crumbled up the letter he gave me as i rolled it into a fist in my pocket.

"its whatever, i guess ill see you in the morning," i muttered and started walking to the gate.

"wait!" she whisper-yelled. "where are you going?"

"ill tell you later. good luck with whoever youre meeting."

i called an uber to the address, trying to lighten up my mood on the way there. i put lipgloss on, trying to smile in my compact mirror. i wasnt really good with make up, but since i had a good feeling about this boy, i would need to start getting good.

this was the first time he'd invited me to his house. usually when yasmine went it wasnt a mutual invite. now i was going solo. he really changed his mind about me.

i kept impulsively eating mints, practicing my facial expressions and the uber driver probably thought i was crazy. when i got dropped infront of the wrought iron gates, he was standing there waiting for me.

in a white tshirt and grey sweatpants. he was so beautiful. he pulled his lips into that sly smirk i knew, as if he got everything he wanted. and being who he was, he did.

i mean, thats how i was here even though he bullied the fuck out of me whenever he could.

"hi," i said, giving a small wave. the wind blew my skirt a little, making me hold it down embarrassingly.

jongho continued giving me that satisfied smirk as he eyed me up and down. "you know its two am. i really didnt expect you to actually come."

i mean you asked me to. of course i would. im almost in love with you.

i shrugged like it was nothing. "you told me to come when i was comfortable. i thought this was appropriate."

"i see you dressed appropriately too. nice legs," he said, making my face heat up. "goddamn, model genes really runs in your family. well i dont wanna keep you in the cold. lets go inside."

he guided me into his home, his hand on my lower back. i swear i couldnt breathe. he never touched me like this infront of the others. infront of her.

his house was dark except for the light in the living room and up the staircase. the sound of my miu miu boots on the marble made me realize how empty everything sounded.

"are you alone at home?" i asked, kind of excited for the answer.

"yeah, my folks left for something in singapore. you know how it is," he casually said, showing me into a room. "make yourself comfy."

it was his room. i dont know what i imagined, but seeing it, it was so jongho.

trophies for singing competitions, soccer, and some even for academics lined the walls around his massive bed. he had a large mirror directly opposite his bed and a balcony that overlooked the infinity pool in his backyard. i strolled around in admiration, turning around when i heard two loud pats.

jongho sat on his bed and was gesturing for me to do the same. the led lights in his room were red and so dim, making him look far more hot than he already was.

i reluctantly planted myself next to him, my heart rate going higher than a kite. jongho licked his lips and took a heavy breath as he prepared to speak. god he was so attractive, i hated how much i liked him. i left my home at two am just because he asked. fuck.

"thanks for coming to talk," he muttered, his voice deeper and hitting the perfect spot in my ear drums. "i know it was kinda a lot to ask."

i rolled my hair behind my ear and shrugged. "its no big deal. what did you wanna talk about?"

jongho moved closer, now he was so close i could feel the radiation of his body heat. oh god.

"i know ive been hard on you for coming into our friend group and everything. im really sorry for all the mean things i said."

the apology struck me, hitting the thoughts from my brain. that wasnt what i expected.

"i called you clingy and made yasmine think you were a loser," jongho sighed, shaking his head. "she doesnt believe that of course, but im really sorry. i know i can be mean sometimes but its just how i give affection. youre cool with that, right?"

i nodded thoughtlessly. i was just happy to have him talk to me.

"yea, thats fine. i get it. im not that sensitive dont worry," i forced a smile, knowing his insults hurt more than anything. but at least he was sorry. right?

"cool, cool." he smiled down at me. "i hope we can be good friends then, yae. can you do me a favour then?"

"what kind of favour?"

my mind was running wild right then. all the insane teenage hormones were overflowing. the close proximity and how handsome he was, the fact that my short skirt had such easy access. choi jongho was a hard guy to resist. and i was failing.

i didnt hear his words, i was so focused on his lips and the cute mole in his neck, i acted without thinking.

i leaned forward and pressed my lips to his, softly grabbing the side of his face. i couldnt believe what i was doing. for a second his warm mouth welcomed mine, taking it in fully. then, i felt coldness on my lips as he pulled away.

"what are you doing?" he scoffed, his eyes narrowed spitefully. my stomach shrunk.

"uh–i–" i stammered, only to be cut off.

"are you fucking kidding me right now? are you deaf?" he raised his voice. "did you not just hear me ask is yasmine if interested in anyone? why the fuck would you kiss me."

"im sorry–i–" i couldnt believe what i just did. what was wrong with me. he wanted to know about yasmine. not me. what the fuck. this was so awkward.

wait. so i read everything...wrong?

"shit," he cursed under his breath. "this is bad."

"is that why you called me here?" i asked, fearing the answer. "to find out if yasmine is interested in anyone?"

"obviously. why else are you useful?" he meanly answered. i felt an embarrassed pang in my chest. "did you think i liked you?"

the mocking laugh that fell from his lips after made me flinch. because how stupid was i to think he actually saw me differently now.

to think that someone like him could actually like someone like me.

"youre so fucking naive, yaera," he kept driving the knife in, shaking his head with that taunting smile. "just cause you look like your sister doesnt mean you should have the same confidence. youre setting yourself up."

i remembered the first day i sat with yasmine's friend group, jongho pointed out that even though we were twins, i wasnt nearly as attractive as yasmine. i laughed it off awkwardly because i thought he was joking.

"you know desperation is unattractive as fuck, right? i cant believe you drove here at two in the morning because you thought i liked you."

i was shivering in my skin, trying not to completely burst into tears. my entire body was flushing hot with anger and spite, and the most embarrassing of all–heartbreak. because deep down i knew he would never get over my sister. it made me insane.

why did everyone fucking act like i wasnt worthy of being liked just like everyone else? but as soon as they saw the scars on my arms they wanted to tell me the same bullshit.

youre loved, yaera.

stop hurting yourself, yaera.

stop using this for attention, yaera.

i couldnt bear to stay a second longer. i wiped the wetness of my cheeks and got up from the bed, immediately going to leave. jongho got up and tugged at my wrist, pulling me back to him.

"you havent told me about your sister yet," jongho said, making my rage spike. because who the fuck did he think he was. "cmon, dont cry because of silly shit like that. its water under the bridge."

"i hate you," i seethed through my tears. "i dont know why yasmine is friends with someone like you in the first place."

"because shes like me," jongho taunted. "and thats what you refuse to see. you dont realize how much of a burden you are to her. you dont realize the only reason she hasnt ditched you yet is because youre related to her."

okay, so he was continuing then?

"you always act like youre so perfect," i spat. "you talk about how much of a burden i am? imagine how much of a burden you are to yasmine because you keep trying to date her. shes never gonna like you. you're just another guy friend in her collection, cunt."

i ripped my arm from his grip and stormed out of his room. he followed me till i reached the bottom of the staircase, where he just watched me spitefully from the railing. now he was angry? of course. pieces of shit like jongho were great at dishing it out and not taking it back.

i felt so petty. he could have rejected me normally but he thought he could say whatever he wanted to me. tearing the little self esteem i had down was fun for him.

i turned around and smiled. "you really wanna know what yasmine thinks of you? she doesnt. in fact, she snuck out of the house to meet someone. shes probably getting fucked as we speak. enjoy that mental image, fucker."

"get the fuck out of my house!"

***

YAERA

an hour has passed since san left me in his apartment. im worried and have a weird feeling in my stomach just imagining what he's doing right now.

despite the anger i feel toward him, i hope he's safe. that's all I hope for. he's hurt badly, looking more damaged than when he fought the last time. he definetely has open wounds. so i look around for any first aid. he's gonna need it for when he comes back.

i rummage through his cabinets. there's so much empty spaces but its filled with random stuff. this guy needs to go shopping. he has so much expired medicine. i find a thin roll of bandages and plasters in the very back of a cupboard but when i take them out, something falls on the ground.

its a folded up piece of paper. when i pick it up, i realize its actually a crumbled up picture. a picture of a family.

my stomach immediately sinks.

a young asian lady and her husband are holding their toddler son. it looks like theyre at a carnival. everyone is smiling, except for the kid. hes pouting.

he was so cute as a baby.

a weird feeling of melancholy hits me hard realizing the people in this picture are no longer around.

san lives alone. apparently hes been alone for a long time. i can tell by the way he operates. hes selfish, not even in a bad way. i get why he caters for himself and tries to keep away from others.

im not even angry anymore. it just makes me sad.

i put the picture back where i found it and go sit by the bed. san doesnt have any alcohol in his house, so i end up having to look up the nearest pharmacy.

i make a quick run for it, deciding to buy him some more medicine and fill up my asthma pump while im at it. i dont know why im doing this when he probably hates me. i guess im always gonna be a sucker for the men i like.

when i get back, his door is unlocked. i panic, but then i find him and his friend eyeing me like they want to kill me.

"where were you?!" san asks me, raising his voice. "dont walk around here. you know this isnt the suburbs."

i lift the pharmacy bag. "i was just getting you medicine. i threw out your expired packs. which were all of them, by the way."

he has a lost look on his face. i turn to his "cousin" and hold my hand out. "the name's yaera marino, san's fake girlfriend. good to officially meet you."

"im wooyoung. san's fake cousin," he says, taking my hand with reluctance.

"are you sleeping here tonight?" i ask him.

"yes he is," san answers. "we're sharing a mattress. you can still sleep on my bed."

i feel a pang of jealously. goddamn it that should be me.

i nod to san. "go take a shower. im gonna give you first aid."

san is confused, looking at me like he doesnt understand english. "you know how to do first aid?"

"i learned it when i was still doing karate. go shower." i chase him away with my hand.

san awkwardly goes off, leaving me alone with wooyoung. i quietly take in the boy, who now that i can see clearly, is obviously younger than san. i cant believe hes in the gang too.

"what took you so long?" i ask him, frowning. "i was worried."

"we had to get rid of the license plate," wooyoung answers, his tone curt and cold. "and you were worried? dont make me laugh."

his words are sharp and sound spiteful. im guessing he knows how san and i began this partnership. i hold my tongue and let him snap.

"you dont care about san. youre using him," he says, but still quiet enough so that san doesnt overhear. "i just want you to know, i can make you disappear at any time i want. all i need is the greenlight from san and you'll be scattered across a lake."

"you think that will protect him?" i ask with a wry smile. wooyoung's fist clenches on the side of him, his knuckles bloody and bruised.

"what makes you think i dont have a million copies of that video? that i dont have a plan in case one of you hurt me? im not some dumb bitch."

wooyoung shakes his head and laughs scornfully. what did he expect me to say? shiver me timbers? i literally know he shot someone tonight.

"and here san thinks you wouldnt hurt him. i dont care what kind of plan you have. if you hurt san, i'll fucking kill you myself," he threatens.

i wouldnt ever hurt him. not even in my dreams. unless he hurts me first, then fuck him.

"trust me, i wont be an issue," i say nonchalantly, sitting on the bed. i lean back and feel a pain in the spot where san kicked me. right above my boobs.

"i just need enough money by the end of the school year. then i'll go back to my country and disappear from your lives forever."

"do you know how much of a risk this is? what san is letting you do?" wooyoung scoffs. "thats if you even make it to the end of the year. if anyone finds out about this, youre both fucked."

"no ones gonna find out unless you tell them," i eye him sharply. i dont trust this guy but apparently san does, enough to tell him about our parternship.

"san has a hard life already. you should just get out of his life," wooyoung snaps. "if you knew why he was in the gang, you'd never ask him to do what youre doing now."

his words somehow make me feel guilty. but why? why should i feel guilty when san doesnt even tell me whats going on.

"woo."

wooyoung's demeanor changes when he hears san's voice. he immediately stiffens and acts completely clueless.

my breath gets stuck in my throat. san is standing there in nothing but a white tank top and a striped red pyjamma pants. his muscles and skinny waist are on perfect display. my mouth suddenly goes dry.

no. fuck. yaera, focus.

"what are you doing?" san asks like hes talking to a kid. i find it highly amusing but keep my face blank.

"i was just defending you," wooyoung says with a scowl.

"im not in any danger. like i told you."

"yeah but–"

"jung wooyoung."

wooyoung groans at san's warning and shoots me a hard glare telling me this conversation isnt close to over. he storms into san's extra room and shuts the door, probably thinking the worst of the situation.

i cant lie, despite his intimidating and handsome appearance, i cant take him seriously at all. i find it endearing that he cares so much about san that he even threatened me. so san isnt alone after all.

he looks at me and sighs, his face adorably awkward. the black strands of his hair are wavy against his forehead, making him look so soft despite the bruises and cuts on his face.

its embarrassing how quickly i forgot how badly i wanted to hurt him today.

"sorry about wooyoung," he says and comes to sits down on the bed. "hes just...possessive."

"you mean protective," i correct him and smile. "its good that you have someone looking out for you. you need it."

san goes quiet but is looking at me like he has a lot on his mind. right, he had to get someone killed tonight. how could i forget.

i take out the first aid materials and scoot closer to him. the warmth of his body is already wafting towards me, the scent of the soap so potent on his skin. its an intoxicating smell.

"can i see where you got hurt?" my voice is so hesitant it doesnt even sound like me.

san is slow with lifting his top. i refrain from visibly gulping at the sight of his beautiful lower body, my mouth going dry when i notice the large gashes against his ribs. they cut him with a knife.

"why would you put on a white shirt to bed?" i ask him with a scowl.

"the bleeding stopped in the shower," san shrugs embarrassedly. "plus this was all i could find."

i inspect the wound and it looks like he cleaned a whole lot of it in the shower. "it looks like i just have to put ointment on and wrap you. you need to go to the doctor if it gets infected, you know that right?"

"i dont think that will be necessary. ive never needed to before," san says coolly.

i cant believe hes just brushing this off. "how often do you get injured like this?" i ask him as i dip a finger into the antibiotic cream. i gently run it over his gashes and he winces. .

"now and then," he forces out, as if trying to hide that it hurts. "it wouldnt really matter the extent. i'd still have to go to school."

i roll my eyes. of course. the perfect student.

i rub in the ointment and it feels like my cheeks are on fire. ive never been this close to anyone. ive never done this for anyone. my hands are shaking as i reach for the sterile bandage.

"are we ever going to talk about what happened tonight?" i ask quietly. "because i dont want us to forget."

san is staring through my soul with his intimidating, and pretty brown eyes. i can see him withdrawing. hes already far away.

"i know i was reckless and im sorry. but please dont lie to me, san. i really fucking hate not knowing whats going on. i know you were probably trying to protect me, but you could have been honest."

i expect him to say sorry too. but only silence is returned.

"i wont lie to you again. ive seen the effects it has," he mutters.

"i dont want our partnership to be us just lying to and antagonizing each other. i know you dont trust me. but we're gonna have to trust each other for this shit to work."

"i do trust you," san says after a few moments pass. he tightens as i roll the bandage around his torso. "i just dont trust myself. and everyone else."

i stay quiet hoping for him to elaborate. i feel it coming. the hope is bubbling in my chest.

"i watched yunho die," his voice is flat, as if drained from emotion. "he got stabbed right infront of wooyoung and i. we should be used to it, we've seen tons of people come and go in the last four years."

i finish bandaging him and lower his shirt reluctantly. san watches my every move, and im surprised he lets me.

"im sorry you had to go through that so young," i tell him, genuinely. the look on his face is so distant that it feels like hes given up a long time ago.

"is this is how its gonna be? forever?" i ask. "is there any way out of this for you?"

i remember san implying that he wasnt doing this out of his freewill. which means his boss must have a lot of leverage over him.

"i dont know. im still trying to figure that out."

"what do they have on you?"

san chuckles darkly, his soft laugh full of scorn and hopelessness. "well, they know where i live, for starters. they know where i go to school. they know everything about me."

and his parents? where the fuck are your parents san?

he can see the question in my eyes. his smile is filled with gloom. "you can thank my dad for that. hes the reason all of this started. the reason ive been in this servitude for most of my childhood."

i frown. "servitude?"

"my dad...he was a shit guy," san sighs. "he was an alcoholic gangster with gambling tendencies. he made a bet with the 105ths he couldnt repay. so he took off. and when they couldnt make him pay it off, they took me instead."

"im paying off hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt, thanks to my shit father. and i dont have any money so i had to give all i could so they dont kill me. myself."

i cant believe it. san is basically in a slave contract. and theres nothing he can do about it. my chest feels tight.

"what about your mom?" i ask softly. 

san shrugs and lays down on the bed, looking straight at the ceiling as he crosses his arms behind his head.

"shes gone. she left when the gang stuff got too complicated. they sent a warning to our apartment telling my dad to pay his debt, in the form of a petrol bomb. it scared the shit out of her, so she took off."

"without you!?" i ask incredulously.

"while i was at school. i just got used to it. coming home to nothing."

what kind of parents...fuck. i cant even say anything. im just fucking sad. i feel a hundred times worse about blackmailing him now.

"the 105ths said they would let me go if i paid off everything. theyre still letting me go to school as long as i dont neglect the gang."

"what if you ran away?" i ask curiously. san stares at me blankly.

"they would find me and do to me what they did to yunho. or even worse. its not worth it really. im just hoping it ends soon. then ill disappear. for good."

and now im dampening his plans by making him share his money with me. god i hate myself.

"how much do you owe?"

"i dont know. i just know the deal ends when miss A calls it off. she deems how much is enough."

i scowl. "what? and what if it never gets called off? what if they trap you here?"

"im hoping it wont come to that. ive been loyal for a long time."

that doesnt mean shit when people only love using you. but i dont say that. it already means so much that san decided to say something. to be honest. i cant lie and act like im okay after hearing the truth. but i wont pity him. san deserves better than that.

"ill help you," i look down at him fiercely. "ill help you cancel out your dads debt."

san looks at me deeply. "thats not necessary."

i hold out a hand. "dont even say it. get a fixed amount from your boss and ill help you get it."

"why would you do that?"

my stomach turns at the question. i dont even know. i cant say its because of the mild lady boner i have for him. its more than that. choi san deserves more than what happened to him.

"its only fair, isnt it?" i say with a small smile. "i get to go back home and you get to go to...where was it? nottingham?"

he wants to study pharmacy. i wonder if he meant that.

sans cheeks are red. is he...blushing?

"why do you remember that?" he asks with a soft groan.

i chuckle to myself. "cause its weird as fuck. england? what the hell do you wanna do in england? seriously if you want to go to europe there are so many better places. why nottingham?"

san shrugs embarrassedly. "i like football."

"you? like football?" i scoff. "that's the reason you wanna live in england?"

"why do you sound so shocked? can't i like football?" he asks defensively.

"you don't even look like you've watched soccer a day in your life. i'd never guess that you'd like an english team."

san snorts and laughs to himself a little. my legs go jelly a little. i keep underestimating how adorable he can be.

"my mother is a huge soccer fan," he admits fondly. my smile is quick to fall away. "once we went to watch her favourite team play in nottingham. she was so excited about it, she got me interested in it."

i feel myself soften. "so you want to go for your mother? is she going to move with you?"

"no," he sighs. i must be shit at connecting the dots because i still dont get it.

"she's in Korea. i can't go back there. i had to give up my Korean citizenship this year because I'm not enlisting."

"so you'll never see her again?"

my question hangs in the air. san doesnt answer it, because even he doesnt know. he still has hope. i can tell. he just doesnt know if its still worth holding onto.

everything has gotten deep so fast.

"maybe we should go to bed. we still have school tomorrow," i say and lie down next to him. theres a small gap between us that i know neither of us will close. but it feels good to hope.

san tries to get up but groans as he holds his injured side. i push him down gently by the shoulder, his eyes slightly widening.

"youre too tired to get up anyway," i say softly. "just stay here. i promise i wont bite."

unless you want me to.

san looks at me awkwardly and nods, lying back down on his back. his eyes are aimed at the ceiling and i pull my knees inward as i lay on my side looking at him.

everything about him is so...i dont even have the words to explain it. i just have a feeling that everything will work out for us exactly the way we want it to.

"thank you," i say. san slowly turns his head and raises his eyebrows at me in confusion.

"for being honest. i know you didnt wanna mention all that. but thanks."

san doesnt say anything more. theres a  ghost of a smile on his face, but its enough for me to hold onto. choi san, maybe youre not actually that much of an asshole.

"goodnight, yaera."

***

san

i thought i imagined it. having her curled up in my arms. i felt it that night, her warm skin against mine and her soft breaths and hair on my chest. i told myself i was imagining it. because the morning after, she was gone.

yaera vanished like thin air. i feel embarrassed for everything that came out of my mouth last night. i cant believe i actually told her what happened to my family.

are you that desperate for friends? i ask the loser in the mirror as i get ready for school. the bruises in my face are so bad it looks like im going to have to wear a mask all day.

wooyoung comes out of the spare room as im almost finished with breakfast. he doesnt greet me with a good morning, instead he looks around expectantly.

"wheres the blackmailer?" he asks sarcastically. "is she also a magician?"

"her parents drop her at school so she left," i answer dryly. "morning to you too, asshole."

wooyoung gives me a bland stare. "you didnt come to bed last night."

"sorry? are we married?"

"what the fuck are you doing san?" wooyoung shouts at me. oh god are we really doing this at six in the morning.  "do you actually like this chick or what?"

"where did you get that idea?" i ask him calmly, knowing it will rile him up even more.

"maybe the fact that you slept in the same bed. youre letting her blackmail you for fucks sake–"

"wooyoung, we both passed out. with clothes on. and didnt i ask you to fucking trust me?" i glare at him. because why is he acting like my wife.

"i dont like this one bit." he shakes his head like a disapproving parent.

"you dont have to like it. all you have to do is let me do the work."

i feel my phone buzz in my pockets. i open it and see a missed call from yeosang. ugh this loser.

i open a message from him and its a birthday invitation. oh shit i almost forgot.

"woo, wanna come with me to a party?" i ask him. maybe he'll be less annoying if he can get the attention of some private school girl too.

"is it gonna be one of those fancy private school prick parties?" woo scowls, then smiles. "free food. im in."

"not to mention you could probably sell some stuff from there."

woo suddenly gets a burst if excitement. "that reminds me, i stole from that black dragon dickhead. we still have to split up the cash."

now that hes reminded me, i move to punch woo in the arm. "owwww!" he yells and shoves me. "what the fuck!"

"youre worried about me getting blackmailed when you possibly started a gang war," i snap at him. "when are you gonna tell miss A?"

"i dont plan to," woo says confidently. my face pales. no way.

"are you serious?" i ask worriedly. woo nods confidently. too confident who saw one of our own get mutilated last night.

"since im keeping your secret, you better keep mine."

thats entirely different, i want to say. i wanna argue with woo but the annoyingly playful nature on his face tells me hes not going to take me seriously at all.

"you know what they say," woo says with a grin. "out of sight, out of mind."

***

yaera

"youre in a good mood," my father notes as we get in the car that morning. and hes right. i cant take the smile off my face because i woke up on choi san's chest.

"i have a good feeling about this week," i say. my mom snorts, her eyes glued to her phone.

"and what brought on this feeling?"

its weird that my father is asking, because he genuinely never seems interested in anything i do. but since we're on the topic...

"miss evans got me a tutor. i invited him to come over after school today, is that okay?" i ask them. my mother immediately turns around with the signature sneer on her face.

"and who is miss evans to assign you a tutor? does she plan to pay for this?" she asks.

"uh? my AP bio teacher? you met her the beginning of the year?" i remind her. "and no, im paying out of my own pocket."

"good," she dryly says. "in that case its fine. the maids will all be home. as long as hes gone by dinner."

i quietly fistbump myself in the backseat, my stomach filled with butterflies. san, in my room, teaching me stuff i dont care about at all. what a dream come true.

best part is? he wont have to meet this family at all.

im skipping out of the car by the time they drop me off at school. i light up a cigarette as i stroll through the parking lot, feeling like a girl from some book who just landed a date with her crush. maybe life is worth living.

"marino!" a voice calls me. i pause in my tracks as i blow out my steam, turning around slowly to see...

...ah fuck.

"hey marino!" kang yeosang calls me with his signature douchebag smirk as he walks up to me. "long time no see."

i take an extra long drag from my cig because god it is needed for any conversation with yeosang.

"what do you want?" i ask him. he acts surprised and offended.

"wow, is that how you greet an old friend?" he shakes his head with a sigh. "kinda mean you know?"

i roll my eyes. "get to what it is you want, you know you and i have never been friends."

yeonsang clicks his tongue, his half smile not even shrunken by an inch. "always the pleasantries with you, marino. i just wanted to know if youve seen lazarus. since i hear you two come as a package nowadays. congrats by the way. you two totally look good together."

"lazarus?" i repeat dumbly. "who the fuck is that?"

"choi san," yeosang giggles like its the funniest thing ever.

"why do you call him lazarus?"

yeosang tilts his head at me like its obvious. "cause hes a scholarship student? hello?"

this fucking asshole. i toss my cigarette at him and he dodges fast enough to my dismay.

"dont call him that," i hiss. "plus why do you want to see him?"

"thats between us men, sweetheart," he says as a matter of fact. "just let him know when you see him, to give me a call. he doesnt answer my messages."

"maybe you should take the hint then."

yeosang looks at me with strange fascination, as if hes high in this very moment. its like he finds me amusing, hes just always giving me that stupid lopsided smile.

"i wonder how it happened, the two of you," he says with a glint of mischief. as if he cant wait to say something offensive. "its just funny how your type went from jongho...to him."

heat hits my face in embarassment. "jongho isnt the only guy ive had a crush on you know, you can stop bringing him up for every fucking thing. we never even dated," i say defensively.

this is why i hate talking to anyone my sister was friends with. all they could talk about was the past. not to mention most of the people she liked were fucking horrible.

"you never dated, but you were in love with him," yeosang childishly points out. "and even if he wont admit it, he probably felt something for you too."

i scoff. no he didnt. choi jongho doesnt love anyone but himself. id learnt that too late.

"i dont care," i grit out. "why are you even bringing this up?"

"yas would have wanted you to be with jongho. especially because he couldnt have her," yeosang just keeps boiling my blood. i cant believe this. i cant believe he just said that.

"i dunno how she would feel seeing you with...lazarus."

"shut the fuck up," i snap.

yeosang lifts his hands in defense. "im just saying because i care, yae. you cant just date someone you dont know. choi san might not be the sweet guy you think he is."

what is he even playing at? does he think san will sell him drugs if he goes around badmouthing him?

"and youre sweet?" i scoff. "you and jongho and whoever else was in that fucked up group? you think you can talk because you knew my sister? dont act like you ever cared about me."

"god youre so sensitive," yeosang laughs meanly. "i was just playing with you. and you wonder why you never got invited to our parties. youre just the strawman of fun arent you?"

"that doesnt make any fucking sense," i snap at him. "i can never get back the time i wasted having this conversation. mind your business and leave me alone, yeah, stronzo? and dont mention san to me ever again."

"dont forget to let him know i was looking for him!" yeosang calls after me as i storm off. i dont even need to turn around to know hes smiling, completely full of himself.

***

i only see san when lunch rolls around. all our common classes are later in the day and ive been obsessively waiting to see him all day. ive got a busy day ahead, my mind set on a very specific target.

i find him by the abandoned stairwell, and its like hes been waiting for me.

he shakes his head at me as i come, i narrow my eyes in confusion.

"am i missing something?" i ask him. "whats with the face?"

"why dont you check your phone?" san grumbles at me. his eyes trail behind me, where i turn to see jongho descending the stairs.

hes smiling like a prick. oh god. two assholes in one day.

"i guess the two of you dont learn," he says tauntingly. "this isnt a place for your dates."

"we havent done anything wrong," san says annoyedly. im glad he finds jongho as annoying as i do.

"maybe not you. but her," jongho turns to me with a smile. "i see your hair still isnt dyed back. you were given two warnings. one more and its suspension. i dont think your failing grades can afford two weeks out."

looking at him now, i dont know what i ever saw in him. im so embarrassed to say ive been rejected by this asshole like a hundred times.

i cant risk detention today. it would spoil mine and san's plans and would just be boring as hell. i guess im going to have to cave.

jongho smirks dreadfully. "why you so quiet, yae? didnt i tell you'd get you back?"

"look, im sorry okay," i say against my will. "i didnt mean to punch you. and ill have my hair dyed by tomorrow. good enough for you?"

san looks between us in confusion. i hope he doesnt ask any questions. if he thinks im crazy now he shouldnt ever hear of jongho-obsessed yaera.

"not good enough, sorry," jongho starts writing on that stupid peach notepad and i sigh. this time he only writes my name. meaning ill have detention without san. miss morri will love this.

"maybe next time you'll watch your mouth," jongho smiles at us before strollling away like the arrogant pig he is. i sigh heavily as san turns to me with narrowed eyes.

"why does he hate you so much?" san asks me annoyedly. "he just came here asking specifically. what did you do?"

"why are you assuming i did something?" i scowl. san gives me an obvious look.

"why else would he hate you that much?"

"because hes an asshole," i scoff. "i might be one too, but im nothing like him. my sister never reciprocated his love and he made it everyone elses problem. he also told me i should have died instead of her."

"what the fuck. he needs help."

"most people at this school do," i sigh. "speaking of help, i need yours."

san gives me his suspicious, pretty eyes. i smile excitedly. "im letting you into my side hustle. you remember how i told you i got my savings?"

"you said you stole most of it..."

"bingo."

san groans. "i hope you dont expect me to help you steal a car or something."

i roll my eyes. he must think im an adrenaline junkie or something. "dont be ridiculous. all i need is a look out before school ends. you think you can do that?"

san sighs hopelessly, surrendering. "what do you need?"

"get me into the boys lockeroom."

"...what are you doing there?"

"if i tell you it wont be special, would it?" i say and he scowls.

"dont do anything stupid. what about detention? are you going?"

i smirk. "obviously not. you still owe me a tutoring session."

san nods in a way that tells me he definetely forgot. how shameless.

"luckily for you, my parents allowed you to come over. and they wont be home till night and i'll make sure youre out of sight before then."

san nods. "just tell me what to bring."

the day goes by quickly until the last period finally rolls around. its geography, and as much as i love this subject, i end up skipping. san is having english and i couldnt convince him to skip, so i wait for him after school near the sportsfield.

the school soccer team are practicing, meaning all the lockerooms are unoccupied. its perfect.

i didnt usually target them, but the plan felt brilliant when i thought of it. usually i went for the girls, they were easy. expensive phone cases, airpods, clothes, and luxury perfume. all things that sold so easily online. people would do anything for a bargain.

can you imagine how much soccer gear would sell? i know damn well not every one of those players were using ALL of their gear.

plus, i need to get back at that asshole jongho. i didnt know his number so i'd just have to look around and guess whose locker smells the most potent and obnoxious.

san comes jogging around the bend, looking so prim and proper in his school blazer. i smirk in greeting. "you ready for some fun?" i ask him.

"i hope this doesnt take long, you know we have to catch the bus if we're going to your house," he reminds me.

i managed to convince my parents i was taking the bus with him home so they didnt have to pick us up. they called the school and made sure san wasnt a trouble maker and questioned his records. you know, a completely normal response.

"dont worry. i'll be in and out, lets go."

i take san's arm and we sneak into the separate building reserved for the boys lockerrooms. of course it smells like stale air, cologne and dampness.

i walk past the lockers and gaze at the numbers and locks. i check my watch. practice ends at 4:30 pm. its currently 4:00.

i nod to san and gesture with my eyes to the door. "guard while i get busy." i take various pins out of my pocket, having brought them specifically for this purpose.

"how are you gonna get those lockers open?" san asks me. i bend down infront of the first locker and start fiddling with my pins.

"lock-picking," i answer distractedly.

"you know how to pick locks?" san says in disbelief.

"you dont?"

"no. im not a weirdo."

"youre such a lousy gangster. arent you supposed to be street smart?"

"im not a gangster," san corrects me with an eye roll. hes feeling sassy today. "im a part time employee."

i cant take him seriously and end up chuckling. the locker clicks open and i find only a folded uniform on the inside. i rummage through the pockets and find a wallet. i open it and theres no cash, only cards. useless because as soon as its found to be missing they'll all be blocked.

i sigh and check deeper. i find a silver watch. its an omega brand. jackpot.

i slip it into my pocket and fold the uniform back. they should really secure these lockers better.

"are you getting somewhere?" san asks as he nervously looks out the door.

"of course," i say with ease and move onto the next locker. its slightly harder to open. i remember a specific scenario like this coming up in the youtube tutorial i watched. all i have to do is whatever that guy did.

it takes longer than i thought. when it pops open i can see san's distressed eyes glaring at me to hurry up.

and thats when i see it. the treasure guaranteed to win us a mini lottery.

"holy shit, look at this baby," i gasp and take out the camera, showing it to san.

"who leaves a camera in their gym locker?" san scowls. "that person deserves to get robbed."

"its expensive too!" i giggle in excitement. "its a Lumix GH5! you know the price of this? we're gonna be fucking rich!"

"who does it belong to?"

i shrug and look back inside the locker. there isnt much except the camera and a few pairs of gym socks and knee pads. "i guess we'll figure it out when we look at it."

i slam the locker shut and we're about to leave when san suddenly shoves me back. i stare at him in confusion as he runs out and i hear voices on the outside.

"what are you doing here?" someone asks him suspiciously. oh god. i recognize that voice. jongho.

"i...was looking for you," san says, and i can tell hes fighting for his life thinking of a good lie. "are there still spots left on the team?"

jongho scoffs. "youre kidding, right?"

theres an awkward silence. oh fuck i need to save him from himself.

"stick to the books, choi san. at least you dont embarrass yourself there."

"no im serious...i wanna join your team. is there anywhere to sign up?"

jongho groans. "im team captain, you have to go with me to the coach for this."

"lets go now then."

"i need to get something from my locker."

"uh...im in a hurry. can we just go now? i cant miss my bus home."

hes trying to get jongho away so i can sneak out. theyre right at the door. ive never held my breath so long.

"ugh! fine! couldnt you have asked earlier?" jongho snaps. "im guessing you need soccer for a sports scholarship too, huh? you wont get into any schools if you suck ass by the way."

i can just picture san's clenched jaw as he holds himself together around jongho. i hear their voices fade and steps grow further away. i stuff the camera and watch into my bag and sprint out and make my way around the school buildings. now i can jump the fence on the other side of the field.

i call san instantly when im alone, looking around for any security. he picks up on the first ring. "hey, im at the fence we jumped after detention. the bus stop is somewhere nearby here."

"okay okay mom, I'll be home right now," san says into the phone and im guessing hes making an excuse to get away from jongho now.

its funny how everything plays out. san gets to me within a few minutes and his face is red with stress. i hold my laugh in.

"next time YOU be the lookout," he says with a scowl and it makes me burst out into laughter.

"i thought you could lie better than that!" i nearly double over from chuckles. "you shouldve heard yourself. seriously youre a criminal and thats how you lie?"

"oh shut it. he wouldve seen you!"

san's angry face is really so adorable. he expects me to take him seriously like this?

"you should have hit him over the head instead," i sigh. "we couldve made him believe everything was a dream."

we jump the fence and end up catching the bus somewhere near my neighbourhood. the entire bus is empty, and san is on the verge of falling asleep, leaning his head against the window. im severely bored and decide to take the camera out to inspect the specs.

its such a good camera. i dont know a lot about cameras but i know by the brand its quality. i wonder which soccer guy has this hobby. maybe he wants to be a professional photographer.

i open the existing pictures and find random pictures of cars, birds, sunsets, and aesthetic places around the school. theres a folder named "her", so i click on it hoping to see something different.

...pictures of me.

thousands of them.

i feel my face pale, which is wrong on so many levels because im brown as fuck. the first few pictures are of me with a cigarette, smoking on and off campus. theyre from a year ago based on my hair colour. the other pictures are dated from two years ago and theyre filled with me in my school uniform.

the point of view is the part that leaves me cold in my bones. from above, places that cant easily be spotted. random corners capturing me sitting on my phone, bending over...looking around...

thats until i realize the lavender scrunchie in my hair. and the lack of bangs.

these arent just pictures of me. in fact, most of them are my sister.

next chapter

[bulkhummus]

I got into WTNV because of your cute fanarts and I wasn't expecting a funny story filled with existential dread and clever satire

So I wanted to say thank you! It's the perfect podcast and I love it so much yesterday I fell asleep while listening to it. When I woke up I was so confused lol

Anyway, what's your favorite thing about it?

First off, thank you! I’m so glad to connect with people about it even after all these years!

Sorry to get lengthy — but my favorite thing about the show is that it was what I needed as a kid to even be able to consider having the conversation with myself about my identity. About things I had felt and known but didn’t give words to. That was it’s power.

For context, google lgbtq+ timelines in 2012. A few major things were gay marriage was illegal in 2012 in the US— it wouldn’t become legal until 2015. It only just became illegal to discriminate on basis of sexuality and gender identity. You could only just legally serve openly in the US military. Being transgender only stopping being considered a mental illness in 2012. Keep in mind many of these milestones were state by state and with exceptions— Etc. etc.

The internet wasn’t what it is today— no men in make up making wonderful beauty tutorials, no openly gay singers cracking hilarious jokes on twitter and kissing at the grammys, etc. Zachary Qunito came out in 2009 and has spoken about how it effected his acting career. Chaz Bono’s transition was publicly mocked, ridiculed, and made a spectacle. There were kids in my grade that were bullied so bad for being gay/queer that we had to have half assed and uneducated seminars about it so teachers could turn a blind eye on the slurs in the hallway. Being called gay was a popular insult that held a lot of weight. Gay was a whispered word, a dirty word, lesbian felt like a brand when my brother called me it as a kid because I guess I said Peggy Carter was beautiful with a little too much feeling while Captain America was shirtless on screen. Mind you I live in a blue state. (mind you this still all happens today)

Welcome to Night Vale was the first thing I ever consumed as a kid where an openly gay person was the main character. I remember thinking ”Oh that’s it? And now onto the weather?” when I listened to it with my cousins in their basement. It felt like a secret— like a code — “oh you listen to wtnv? i love cecil” and because podcasts weren’t what they are today — it almost kind of was?

It was the first piece of media where a person being gay was not the focus of the story— there was no coming out, there was no internal struggle, there was no traumatizing outing scene, no monologue about being gay, no external questioning, nothing. Cecil Palmer was a well spoken, humorous, unsettling, radio host with flaws and extreme passions and he was unapologetically gay. in the very first episode. And not only that— his love interest loved him back. No one died. No one made fun of him for it, no one questioned him.

I kept expecting the other shoe to drop, and it never did.

I love wtnv, even through its flaws (because no one piece of media can be everything, because nothing can be everything, and representation doesn’t exist in a bubble) because it allowed me to question what I already knew about myself with such an assuredness and kindness I had never before been afforded, and to imagine a world where I can be who I am and tell people about it like I’m telling them about what I had for lunch and no one bats an eye. That sometimes the gorgeous person that walks in the door is not out of reach, and not an impossibility, because out there, and everywhere, there are people like me and its okay to assume they are, it isn’t stupid or naive or wrong.

And suddenly! I was googling! I was reading! I was talking to people online about Night Vale, and those conversations turned into conversations of queerness, and identity, and what proper representation should look like across the board, not just in queerness. How queerness, and the idea of it being a spectrum, is a mindset that should be applied in every area of life— delving into the gray area.

Not to get Sappy, but that is my favorite thing about Welcome to Night Vale, and it always will be. It was a home for me because of its people, of its community, because no matter how ridiculous and ironic things felt, how invasive and hurtful the people who are suppose to protect us made us feel, how much you might feel like a monster— there was a small desert community where the sun was hot, the moon was beautiful and mysterious lights passed over our heads as we all pretended to sleep.

[nothere-notthere-nowhere]

Long Nights

Word Count: 1883

Genre: Fluff I guess? A little angst if you squint?

Pairing: Wanda x Fem!Reader

Request:  Hi! How are you? I loved so much Oblivious and Your Wanda, they are both so amazing and I was wondering if I could request a fic? a romantic Wanda x femreader, something like Wanda recently joined the team and she doesn't like y/n because she thinks y/n goes clubbing too much with Bucky but the truth is that she was a winter soldier like him, so Bucky goes out with y/n at night to help her redeem herself and then Wanda finds out? Thank you so much and I love your writing!! - Anonymous

A/N: First request done! Thank you for reading and I hope this is what you wanted :)

“Long night?” Natasha smirked at your yawn, using two hands to hold her mug.

“Something like that,” you joked back, grabbing the freshly brewed coffee from her hand and taking a sip. You heard a light scoff and turned to see Wanda regarding you with an annoyed look in her eye.

“Sorry, did she make this for you?” You asked. You had a habit to just take things from the older redhead.

Instead of a response, Wanda rolled her eyes before making her way out of the kitchen.

“Did I do something?” You asked Natasha, who was still staring at the coffee you’d stolen from her. 

“I don’t know, she’s probably just filled with teen angst still.” Natasha grumbled, grabbing a new mug.

“C’mon, Tash, that’s not really fair.” You told her. “She just lost everything. And she’s not a teen.” 

“We’ve all lost everything, Y/N.” Natasha deadpans. “Twenty-two is basically a teenager, by the way.”

“Cut her some slack,” You laughed. “She’s probably still getting used to this place.”

“Whatever,” Natasha dismissed. “Steal my coffee again, and you’re gonna lose a finger.”

“You say that every time.” You laugh.

---------

“Buck, you ready to go?” You asked him, walking out to the common area. You were dressed in your signature black leather jacket and ripped up skinny jeans. Your staple, in a sense.

“Yeah, let me grab a jacket.” He clapped you on the back as he walked past.

“You’re going out again?” Wanda’s voice nearly startled you. She was standing in the doorway, her arms crossed.

“Uh, yeah?” Your response came out as more of a question.

“Figures.” She rolled her eyes, turning to head back in the direction of her room.

“Okay, why is she so upset with me?” You ask Bucky when after she leaves.

“How should I know?” He laughs. “Come on, we better go.”

It was a long night, trying to make amends for all of your crimes was difficult. Bucky understood, he’d been through pretty much the same thing. But that didn’t make it any easier for you to relive the awful things you’d done to people. 

Especially when you arrived at the house of a frail old woman, who’s only son you’d ruthlessly murdered. He was her caretaker. So, Bucky helped you to do small things for her, paying for a nurse and grocery shopping. But tonight, the nurse looked at you with sadness in her eyes. 

“She doesn’t have much time left.” She told you. “She keeps asking for him. I don’t know what to tell her anymore.”

The poor old woman had a multitude of illnesses, the most prominent being her dementia. So, hearing the old woman calling out for her dead son…. You weren’t exactly sure what to do with yourself.

“It’s my fault, Buck.” Your voice broke on the walk back home. “He’s the one thing she can remember and he’s fucking dead because of me.”

Bucky knew better than to interrupt. You didn’t see reason in times like these.

“I’m a monster.” You continued. “No matter how many people I help, it can’t erase the past!”

“No, you can’t.” He told you, knocking you out of your rant. “You can’t erase the past. That’s why you’re trying to make up for it. Paying for an old woman’s healthcare won’t bring back her son, you’re right. But it counts for something.”

“I feel awful.” You tell him. “I can’t get them out of my head, sometimes. Does it ever go away?”

“I don’t know.” His somber tone reminds you that he, too, is struggling with this. 

“You can go back,” you clear your throat, “I’m going to take a walk.”

“You sure? It’s late.”

“Yeah, I won’t be long.”

Bucky squeezes your shoulder comfortingly before walking off in the direction of the tower. 

You’re not sure how much longer you were out. But eventually, the crisp air was drying the tears on your cheeks and you knew it was time to get back to the tower. There was no point wallowing in guilt in the middle of the city.

“Back so soon?” Wanda’s bitter words stopped you in your tracks. She was standing by the sink, glass of water in hand.

“Not-” Your voice cracked. “Not tonight, okay?”

Wanda’s face falls briefly, her mouth opening like she wanted to ask what was wrong. But you were out of the kitchen before she could speak.

-------

You rolled out of bed late the next morning, cursing under your breath as you searched for some clothes to throw on.

“You’re late,” Natasha walked into your room, extra coffee in hand.

“I’m aware.” You threw your hair up into a ponytail, throwing on running shorts while Nat lounged on your bed.

“Clint’s already waiting for you.” She informed, picking up a book from your bedside table.

“Better not keep him waiting then, huh?” You mutter, taking the mug of coffee as you made your way out of the room. 

“Bucky said you were out later than normal last night.” She said, giving you a pointed look.

“Natasha,” you warned. 

“You know you can talk to me, right?” Her eyes are soft, face full of genuine concern.

“Yeah, Tash, I know.” You give her a small smile to soothe any worries.

“It’s about time you showed up!” Clint teased, tossing you a baton. Natasha squeezed your shoulder briefly before walking over to where Wanda was waiting for her on another mat. 

The morning passed slowly, Clint getting the better of you more than not. You were tired and slow. The older man teased you relentlessly, poking fun and putting you on your ass.

But, at some point, as you picked up your leg to kick Clint in the side, you forgot to hold back your strength, sending the blond man flying to the side.

“Oh my god!” You heard Wanda exclaim as you ran over to Clint.

“Oh fuck, I’m sorry, Hawk,” you rushed out. “I wasn’t paying attention! I’ve just been so tired. Are you okay?”

“Don’t worry, I’m okay.” He chuckled, groaning a little as he moved to stand up. 

“Are you sure?” You asked, offering a hand to help him up.

“Yeah, kid, I’ve handled worse.” He limped off the mat, leaving you to roll your eyes at his term of endearment. You were easily fifty years older than the man, but you still looked to be in your early twenties, which Clint loved to call attention to.

You heard a light scoff and glanced over to see Wanda glaring in your direction.

“Okay, what’s up?” You ask her. The attitude was getting old.

“You’re lucky this was just training! What if this was a mission?” She all but exploded on you. “You value a night out at some shitty club with who knows how many girls more than the safety of your team!”

“Leave her alone, Maximoff.” Natasha cut in from nearby.

“Why should I?” Wanda spits. “She clearly doesn’t care about anyone but herself!”

Natasha steps between the two of you, the only thing stopping her from defending your honor being your hand on her shoulder and a gentle “Tasha” as you pull her away from the brunette.

“You’re right, Wanda.” You nod. “There’s no excuse for causing harm to a teammate. That’s on me.”

Wanda simply rolls her eyes bitterly and leaves, muttering something about checking on Clint.

“Why do you let her believe that?” Natasha asks, exasperated.

“She’s right, Tash, there’s no excuse for hurting a member of the team.” You tell her.

“There’s a reason you’re out so late most nights.” The shorter woman reminds you.

 “And Wanda doesn’t need to know.” You respond in the same tone. “Besides, she’s just being protective of Clint. You know how close they’ve gotten since Sokovia.”

Natasha just shook her head.

-------

“You’re seriously going out again?” Wanda’s jaw is clenched as she stands, arms crossed, by the door.

“Uh,” You stutter, “Yeah?”

“Unbelievable.” She storms off.

“She’s kinda cute when she's angry like that.” You joke with Bucky.

“You like her, don't you?” Bucky elbows you lightly.

“What?”

“That’s why you won’t tell her where you go.” He nods, putting it together in his head as he speaks. “You like her.”

“Hey, man, I don’t know about all that. She doesn’t like me though.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You grab his arm to stop him as you walk on the sidewalk.

“Why else would she care so much about you going ‘clubbing?’ She’s jealous.” He tells you like it was obvious.

“You think so?”

--------

When the two of you return to the tower, Wanda approaches you. She’s fidgeting with her fingers and biting her lip in that cute way she does when she gets nervous. Bucky claps you on the back, wishing you a good night, though the look on his face says ‘good luck.’

“Can I talk to you?” Wanda asks.

“Uh, yeah, sure.” You nod, expecting her attitude.

“Natasha told me.” She says.

“Fuck-” 

“I’m so sorry for judging you.” She cuts you off, her words rushed. “Even if you were out clubbing, it was none of my business. I just.. I was so angry that I was so drawn to this person who didn’t seem to care.” 

“You’re drawn to me?” You smirk at her.

 “Unfortunately.” She jokes. “Please tell me you got more out of that.”

“Yeah,” You laugh, “I’m sorry for not telling you. I just… If I’m honest, I didn’t want you to think badly of me.”

“Have you forgotten where I came from? I don’t think I have the right to think badly about anyone’s past.” 

“True,” you laugh again, “But I don’t want pity either, you know?” 

“I don’t pity you.” Wanda says, her hand resting on your arm. “I admire what you’re doing. The way you’re righting your wrongs.”

“It's the least I can do for the pain I caused these people.” You tell her, dropping the eye contact.

 “Well, it’s admirable.” 

“Back to this drawn to me thing-” you start.

“Absolutely not.” She pushes your shoulder gently, face burning as she does.

“You said it!” 

“And we’re not going to revisit it.” 

“I’m drawn to you too, if that helps.” Your hands find her waist, pulling her close to you. 

“I thought we weren’t going to talk about it.” She remarks.

“We don’t have to.” You shrug, savoring the feeling of her hands on your shoulders, her touch light, almost hesitant.

“So what?” 

“So, if you're drawn to me, I’m drawn to you… I think we both know what we should do now that doesn’t involve any talking.”

Wanda’s breath hitches at your words, her face mere inches from your own. 

“And what would that be?” Her voice is quiet, eyes glancing at your lips.

“Well,” You start to lean in. “This whole drawing metaphor, I’ll go get some paper. You grab the pens.”

“You’re infuriating.” She giggles at your response. 

“You like it though.” You tell her, finally leaning in. Your lips catch hers and she all but melts under your touch. Her lips are soft, plump. You can faintly taste her chapstick. She pulls back after a moment, resting your foreheads together.

“You’re right.” She giggles. “I do like it.”

[just-dreaming-marvel]

My Superhero

MAIN MASTERLIST

Steve Rogers x Reader

Word Count: 1,500ish

Summary: You and Steve’s relationship is fairly new, so you haven’t told him everything yet.

Notes: I did a Tony Stark one about chronic illness called Invisible Pain. I wanted to do a Steve Rogers one as well.

Feeling completely well on any given day was a luxury. It never really mattered what medicine, diet, or amount of essential oil you put on, your joints hurt. End of story. Of course, it wasn’t completely random. You had Rheumatoid Arthritis, so there was a reason for it. You just sometimes wished that your arthritis was located in specific joints instead of all of them.

You were currently in your apartment getting ready for your fifth date with none other than Captain America’s, Steve Rogers. He was suppose to pick you up in a little more than an hour and, yet, you still couldn’t get out of your pj’s to shower. Your shoulders were causing you excruciating pain. Trying to take your shirt off was bringing you to tears, each try more unsuccessful than the next. 

You were at a loss of what to do. You had yet to inform Steve about your chronic illness due to past experiences. Every other man you had dated, or tried to, quickly left you in the dust after finding out that you would forever be sick and that it would slowly get worse with age. So you had told yourself that you would tell Steve once you were official, even though there was still a chance of heartbreak even then. You just wanted to enjoy this while it lasted.

Steve was so sweet, kind, and gentle towards you. You two had met after he accidentally walked into you about two months ago on the side walk. This was only your five date in that span of time due to the missions he was constantly being called on. Though, the two of you texted or talked on the phone whenever you could.

You were currently sitting on the edge of your bed, staring at the typed up message just waiting to be sent. At this point, canceling the date was your only option. You couldn’t change and you had already maxed out on drugs for the night. You sighed, a tear strolling down your cheek, as you pressed sent.

You: Hey, Steve :) I’m so sorry to do this to you at such late of notice, but something’s come up and I won’t be able to make it today. Sorry :( Can we reschedule?

It didn’t take long for Steve to respond.

Steve: hey doll :) is everything okay? 

You: Yeah, I’m just not feeling the greatest. But I’ll be fine after some much needed rest. How does next Friday sound?

Steve: Next Friday sounds wonderful. But are you sure you’re okay? Do you need anything? I could come over and we could stay in for the night. Order food and watch one of the movies I’ve yet to catch up on.

This man was too good to you. Almost too perfect. But you were too scared. You didn’t want to lose him just yet. You were enjoying it too much to be hurt already.

You: I’ll be fine, Steve. I just need some rest. You should probably get some too. I’ll talk to you later.

He didn’t respond. You sighed, laying back on your bed, tensing at the pain in your joints. You closed your eyes, trying to will your pain away, to no avail. Apparently, you had slightly fallen asleep because when a few knocks sounded at your door, you jumped up. Immediately regretting it because of the pain that shot through your joints.

Confused, dazed, and in pain, you shuffled over to the door. You didn’t even bother checking the peep hole before opening the door. Your jaw practically dropped to the floor at the sight in front of you. There was Steve, standing there in sweatpants and sweat shirt, your favorite flowers in one hand and two boxes of pizza in the other.

“Steve?” You questioned quietly, willingly yourself to stay put instead of run away embarrassed. You knew you didn’t look your best. “What—what are you doing here?”

“I came to check on you,” he responded with a gentle smile. “Can’t have my best girl feeling unwell now, can I?”

“Steve,” you shook your head, “you really didn’t—“

“Of course I did. Now, are you going to let me in or do I have to let myself in?”

Biting your lip, you opened the door wider, letting him walk in. Steve went straight to the kitchen, setting the pizzas down on the counter. 

“Do you have a vase?” He asked, looking around. “For the flowers?”

“Under the sink,” you responded. “Um… I’m going to change.” You pointed over your shoulder, immediately regretting it and grimacing.

“Y/N, is something wrong?” His concerned eyes raked over you.

“No, nothings wrong. I just need to change. I-I haven’t gotten out of these all day.”

The look in his blue eyes told you all you needed to know, he didn’t believe you. You turned around as quickly as you could. You could feel his eyes following you as you disappeared into your room. You slowly pulled down your pj pants, holding in a cry as you did. Pulling up clean sweats was easier, thankfully. It was the new shirt, you knew would be the killer.

Taking a deep breath, you grabbed the hem of your shirt and tried to pull it over your head. Failing to conceal the whimpered cry that left your lips, you heard Steve’s quick footsteps stop at your door.

“Y/N?” He called outside the door. “Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah,” you responded, clearly your throat. “I’m fi-fine.”

“Are you sure? Do… do you, uh, need help?”

“No! I’ll be right out.”

Steve didn’t move from his spot outside your bedroom door. In fact, he leaned in, pressing his ear to the door. He could hear you breathing deeply, like you were trying to calm down. Which concerned him. You had told him that you hadn’t been feeling well, but you looked like you were fine. So what was going on? He waited, keeping quiet at your door. 

Inside, you were still trying to get your shirt off. You were riding it up, but you couldn’t get it past your breasts. You let out a louder cry, finally breaking. Steve couldn’t wait any longer, he came in to see you in tears on your bed.

“Oh, doll,” he cooed, heart breaking at the sight of you. He rushed over and sat beside you on the bed. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m… I’m so sorry, St-steve,” you cried. “I didn’t want you to find out like this… honestly, I hoped you would never find out.”

“Find out about what?” 

He went to put an arm around you, to pull you into him. But when he put his hand on your shoulder, you winced and let out a small whine. His hand quickly was off your shoulder and the furrow between his brows increased.

“Y/N? What’s going on?”

“I… I… I’m sick.”

“Like, with the flu? Or… or worse?”

“I guess, you could say, something in between.” You looked at Steve to see him intently listening. “I… I have arthritis. Rheumatoid Arthritis. It’s where, well… my body is attacking its own tissue and joints. Even… even my internal organs. As I age, it will slowly get worse. Possible bone erosion and joint deformity… It’s painful, but I’ve been able to manage it. I still have good days and bad. Today… today’s—“

“A bad day. Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“Because all the other guys I’ve dated have left me after finding out. I… I like what we have. And I don’t want to lose it. But… but I’ll understand if this is too much for you.” You looked down at the hands resting in your lap. “It is for everyone else.”

“Y/N… can you look at me, doll?” He carefully guided your head back up. “I am so extremely sorry that others have been so stupid. They obviously don’t know what they’re missing out on. And I guess that makes me lucky, cause now I get to know you and get to fall in love with you.”

“You’re… you’re falling in love with me?”

Steve nodded. “Yes. And I would like the opportunity to keep doing so, if you’ll have me?”

“Of course. Will you… will— you still want to date me?”

“The fact that you go through life every day, trying your hardest and pushing yourself, even though you don’t have to. That only makes me fall more in love with you.” He gently cupped your cheek. “You’re a real superhero.”

You giggled. “No, I’m just—“

“My superhero. You’re my superhero.” He pressed a short kiss to your lips. “Thank you,” he whispered, “for telling me. Please know that you don’t have to hide from me. I really don’t want you to. I want to help you in any way I can.”

“Thank you, Steve.” 

He gave you another kiss. “Now, how about we eat the probably cold pizza and watch anything you want?”

“I’d like that.”

I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, but I would like to remind people that everyone who has it suffers from it differently. This story is based off of my own personal pain and struggles. I go through most days pushing through the pain that is constantly there without most people realizing. And I know that I’m not the only one.

Remember, everyone is going through unseen challenges. Please be kind to everyone you interact with/come across. 

Comments, likes, reblogs, and asks are always welcome!

[renjuseyo]

if ur requests are open can i pls request Jaehyun x male reader where the reader is so drunk that he forgot that his boyfriend(jaehyun) is his boyfriend. then he asks a member if he is taken and they said yes and that will make reader to silently be sad in the corner and jaehyun asks if readers ready to go home......... andddddddd ill leaveee the rest to u hehehehe (iloveurwriting so much)

tipsy ; jaehyun

group: nct

pairing: jung yoonoh / reader (male)

synopsis: both you and jaehyun knew how much of a lightweight you were, but when has that ever stopped you?

genre: fluff, crack

warnings: implied sexual content, explicit language

i lost inspiration for this, so i hope this mess of a fic is okay anon! as always, feedback is appreciated!!

when you peek through the peephole, you expect to see the delivery man holding the package you had ordered online. instead, you’re pleasantly surprised to see your boyfriend on the other side of the door, wrapped in a hoodie, mask, and tinted sunglasses. his disguise is pretty unnecessary given how your neighbors are mainly made up of old people who have never heard of nct, but it gets the job done.

once you’ve unhooked the chain bolt, you unlock the door and swing it open. he slightly jumps at the noise, but visibly softens when he sees you. “hey (name),” he greets, slipping off his mask and sunglasses.

“hey yourself. what are you doing here?” you ask. with how hectic his schedule has been after promotions with the nct 2020 project and working as an mc on inkigayo, you two hadn’t seen each other in weeks. though you missed him, you sympathized with the tireless hours he spent working as an idol. at least you preoccupied yourself with netflix.

he slips off his sneakers and enters your home, taking off the rest of his disguise. you close and lock the door behind you, trailing behind him. “i managed to squeak in some free time today, so i came to visit you,” he explains. he faces you with a smile, pulling you close. you subconsciously lean your head onto his shoulder, humming as he sways your bodies.

“i missed you,” you tell him, fingers ghosting his waist. he makes a noise of agreement, resting his chin on your head.

you eventually pull away, eliciting a grumble from jaehyun. contrary to popular belief, he was the clingy one of you two, always using the excuse of “you’re just the perfect size for cuddling.” “stop grumbling, jae. you’ve come so far, so it’s only fair i make you something to eat,” you tell him, making your way towards the kitchen.

he follows suit, hand grabbing at the hood of your hoodie. you stop in front of the refrigerator and open it, canvassing the food you have in there. as you debate what to make for lunch, he rests his chin on your shoulder and snakes both arms around your waist. you roll your eyes, though you don’t make any movements to pry his arms off. “i can always eat something else,” he smirks.

you realize too late the implications of his comment, absentmindedly sorting through the bags of vegetables in your fridge. “do you want takeout instead then? mrs. moon from two doors down said that there’s this really good pho house near here.”

he nuzzles into your shoulder. “i’d really like to eat you,” he says as nonchalantly as one can, considering his implications. you nearly drop a bag of spinach, spluttering incoherent words as you spin around to swat his shoulder. he laughs, loud and proud, a stark contrast from the quiet, polite laugh he’s practiced.

“you’re the worst,” you hiss, reluctantly closing the fridge. he pecks your cheek, eliciting a disgusted screech from you. he leans back with a laugh before attacking your face with kisses. you shut your eyes as you try to wiggle out of his grasp. but jaehyun’s been working out, evident from his arms, and he’s always had an intense grip. when he leans away, satisfied, you flick his forehead. with how clingy jaehyun’s being, making lunch isn’t an option anymore. “i hate you.”

jaehyun eventually relinquishes his attacks, threading his fingers with yours. “you’re usually not this clingy, jae. actually, now that i think about it, you don’t flirt all too much either, much less suggest sexual innuendos. what’s the occasion?” you ask as he walks you two to your living room. he doesn’t immediately respond, flopping down onto the couch and dragging you along with him. you land on his chest with an oomph, your cheek squished against his chest.

he combs his fingers through your hair, smiling as you make a noise of approval. “well, i wasn’t going to say anything before the news outlet, but...” his smile only widens when he sees you look up at him with curious eyes; he nearly coos at how innocent you look. “a certain idol you know might make his acting debut soon~”

your eyes widen, and you quickly prop yourself up with your elbows. “what! no way!” you exclaim, jaw hanging open. jaehyun laughs at your shell-shocked reaction, though it’s a given; when you were in a mood to vent, he would always take your hand and pepper your knuckles with butterfly kisses as you ranted about how he deserved better and shouldn’t only be seen as a visual, whining about how sm failed to show his talents as a singer and an actor. well, those days are over now, he supposes.

“yes way, love. are you excited?” he isn’t sure why he asked that question, considering how shell-shocked you already look. plus, the squeal that leaves your throat and the way you throw yourself onto him is answer enough already.

“do you even have to ask? you used to send me videos of you acting out different roles because you wanted to try acting, and you always did them so well! i’m really proud of you, jae. you deserve it.”

“i’m really glad you think so, (name). do you want to hear-”

“no!” you interrupt, slapping both of your palms on his mouth. he tilts his head in confusion, surprised by your sudden outburst. “knowing you, you’re going to accidentally tell me everything, and then i’m going to know the whole story line before the show even airs!”

he’s about to refute your claims, but he can’t really considering how you’ve layered both of your palms on his mouth. plus, judging by the look you give him, he’s certain he’s going to be eating his own words sooner or later. with a sigh, he peels your palms off. "you’re no fun. can i not even tell you the name and the basic plot?”

“i’m sorry for wanting to give you ratings,” you snort. “and no. then i’ll be waiting in anticipation and will force you to tell me everything, even if you tell me you can’t because i told you before not to say anything. you can’t even give me a drop of information.” well, jaehyun supposes that is true. you’ve always been enticed by television shows; he’s personally seen you react to cliffhangers a show gives before it ultimately gets cancelled. needless to say, it isn’t a pretty sight. “this calls for celebration! we can invite the boys too... do you want it to be extravagant, or are we keeping it low key?” you ask, sitting up and reaching for your phone.

“what happened to just you and me?” jaehyun asks, batting his eyelashes with feigned innocence. “i can think of a lot more fun things we can do.”

you don’t even bat an eye; unlike earlier, you were prepared for this kind of comment. “shoving my foot up your ass sounds really fun, but unfortunately that won’t get me any food. the boys probably already knew before i did, so you’ve probably already celebrated with them... i guess we can keep it simple.”

“i’d take your foot any day,” he fires back with a heavily exaggerated moan, to which you respond with a slap on the arm.

“i’m telling johnny to bring over beer.” you’re texting a group chat with you and the other 127 members. you’re only dating jaehyun, yet sometimes it feels like you’re dating all of them with how close you are. plus, gossiping with jungwoo about your boyfriend is always fun. with him being his roommate, you both often share similar struggles.

he rolls his eyes, stretching over to wrap his arms around your waist. he peers over your shoulder to look at your screen. “please, (name). you’re the lightest lightweight i’ve ever met. who are you telling to bring over drinks? you’re like a baby.”

“fuck you.”

“i think it’s the other way around, but i’d gladly let you order me around~” he flirts.

you shove a pillow in his face as you fire off a text.

after ordering pizza, tteokbokki, and fried chicken, your dinner is nearly complete. the boys were coming over soon, with johnny being in charge of drinks, jungwoo in charge of takeout, and donghyuck in charge of entertainment. you had a nintendo switch jaehyun had gifted you two years ago, and you intended on making full use of it tonight.

(plus, you have yet to beat yuta at super smash bros. today is going to be that day.)

you had finished clearing the table for the food before you notice jaehyun’s sleeping frame on the couch. you’re about to walk over and reprimand him for being unproductive, but seeing how tired and peaceful he looks stops you. instead, you grab a blanket from your room and drape it over him.

you’re about to walk away and grab water bottles for everyone when you feel something tugging your hand. craning your neck, you smile at jaehyun’s hooded eyes laced with sleep. “c’mere,” he murmurs.

water bottles can wait, then. you pat jaehyun’s side, and he scoots over to allow room for you. as you slot yourself in his arm, spreading a leg across his, he makes a noise of satisfaction, eyes fluttering close. “someone’s tired,” you observe, pushing the mop of black bangs obscuring his eyes. “did practice run late?”

he avoids your gaze. “no, i spent the night playing uno with johnny, ten, and mark,” he admits.

you laugh. “must have been intense. i bet you were so burnt out from uno,” you sympathize with sarcasm. “but in general, don’t overexert yourself, okay? i know you’ve been busy, but you need to remember to take care of yourself.”

jaehyun nods, but a yawn rips out of his chest. you give him a knowing look, one that reads what did i say? which causes him to laugh. “yes sir,” he lazily responds.

“as tired as you may be, don’t go falling asleep on me now. the others are going to be here soon. what would they think, the guest of honor asleep at his own party?” you chuckle, leaning down to press a chaste kiss on his forehead.

he beams at the gesture. “give me more kisses and i’ll think about it,” he coaxes.

usually you don’t give in to his bratty demands, but seeing how tired he is reminds you of the accomplishments he’s achieved in the past year. a kiss is the least you could down. you lean down, breath fanning his lips, and he closes his eyes in contentment.

a few seconds pass, but the kiss never comes. when jaehyun opens his eyes, he’s surprised to see you’re no longer by his side, instead standing by the door. “that’s one way of telling a guy to come and get it,” he sighs, sitting up. he wearily rubs his eyes, blurry eyes watching you.

“sorry jae, taeil-hyung just texted saying they’re here,” you apologize. he sighs, eventually standing up after a few moments of stretching.

just as you had said, knocks resonate throughout your home, signalling their arrival. you peek through the peephole to verify their identities and sure enough, all nine other members stand outside, arms loaded. you undo the chain lock and swing the door open, greeting everyone.

“thanks for having us,” taeyong smiles, stepping into your home. everyone else echoes his message, but it comes out mumbled, like they hadn’t thought of saying anything until taeyong. the power a leader has, you suppose.

“no problem. here, let me grab some of the food.” you scurry over to jungwoo and mark, whose arms were loaded with the takeout you ordered.

as you grab a box of pizza from mark, johnny slaps you on the back. you nearly lurch forward and drop the pizza; if you had, johnny would be first on your hit list. “so jaehyun finally told you?” he asks with a grin.

“thank god. he spent days talking about ways to tell you, knowing how excited you’d be,” sicheng snorts, slipping off his shoes.

you laugh, especially when you see jaehyun spluttering in embarrassment. “you could’ve fooled me. all he did was waltz in and drop the news after he nearly fell asleep. made me feel like a proud parent and everything.”

“you may feel like one now, but wait until you watch him act. just going to be lots of cringing and teasing,” doyoung sneers, elbowing his shoulder.

yuta rolls his eyes. “like you’re one to talk, mr. lead actor.”

your eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets. “lead actor?!” doyoung laughs, answering your question. “good for you, hyung!”

jaehyun narrows his eyes. “why do you look more amazed at his news than mine?!”

i’m not a lightweight, you told yourself. i can handle whatever yuta throws at me, you told yourself.

you were sorely mistaken.

jaehyun notices this too, seeing you sway in your seat. he chuckles at the sight; you were never able to hold your liquor, and when you got drunk, you were quite the spontaneous drinker to deal with. one time you had drank so much that you cried over cute things, like when sicheng showed you a picture of his dogs. or the one time you were a man on a mission, flirting with all of the members. needless to say, that led to a very interested jaemin and a very pouty jaehyun.

you had initially planned on just sticking to soda, but yuta had wanted to make things more interesting and challenged you to a game of super smash bros. each time the loser lost, they would have to down a can of beer. despite your inability to hold your liquor, it activated your competitive nature. but of course, yuta is crazy good at any games he suggests, completely demolishing you with lucina. no matter which character you chose, you were just no match against him.

after several fruitless attempts, you’re seated between taeil and sicheng, who seem way too interested in the tteokbokki to notice your behavior. everyone else seems occupied, too; johnny, yuta, jungwoo, and donghyuck are playing mario kart 8, taeyong and mark are immersed in yet another one of their deep, contemplative conversations, and doyoung’s watching the whole scene unfold, supervising everyone (probably to ensure nothing ends up in flames). on the other hand, jaehyun’s sitting on your sofa, alternating between watching the four men in front of your television screaming and you in your tipsy state. he decides to stick with the latter.

eventually you lift your eyes up and make eye contact with jaehyun, who responds with a wink. seeing you flush and look away has his chest swelling with giddiness; you’re just too cute sometimes. the table isn’t far from the sofa, so he can hear any conversation that goes on there. he watches as you take another sip of your can, eyes shifting back and forth from the television and to him. you stare at him for a bit longer, eyes canvassing his face, his posture, his thoughts.

it seems sicheng notices your staring, sitting back down and nudging your shoulder. “what’s so interesting that it’s gotten your attention?” he asks, purposefully raising his voice so jaehyun can hear.

you flush at how loud he is, lazily putting a finger to your lips. “shhh, i’m staring at the pretty boy there.” you point your chin towards jaehyun, who pretends to not see. you’ve never been subtle when you were drunk, but telling you that would just lead to you loudly slurring your arguments. “do you know if he’s dating anyone?”

jaehyun nearly spits out his beer. of all the times you’ve gotten drunk, you’ve never once forgotten that you were his boyfriend - if anything, you were all too eager to prove just how much you belonged to him. he’s not sure whether to feel startled or amused.

sicheng chooses the latter, a smirk forming. “yeah, he has a boyfriend,” he tells you. jaehyun hopes you’ll realize that you’re the boyfriend in question, but seeing how you deflate like a balloon, he guesses not. he questions how much you’ve had to drink.

you slide off of your chair, pouting. “of course a guy as attractive as him has a boyfriend. i’m not surprised,” you grumble, crossing your arms. jaehyun can’t help the amused smirk that makes its way on his face. watching you envy yourself for being his boyfriend is very amusing.

sicheng must feel the same, stifling his laughter. “don’t look so bitter, (name). his boyfriend’s a good guy.”

you pout, crossing your arms. “well, i bet i can treat him ten times better! pretty boy there doesn’t know what he’s missing out on,” you boast, standing up.

sicheng can only watch in amusement as you stagger towards the kitchen. if only you knew how strange that statement was. “if you’re so confident about that, then what are you doing? planning on hiding in the kitchen to wallow on your sorrows?” he teases.

“i’m not!” you protest. “i’m just going to get some water because i’m dizzy as fuck and possibly cry about how single i am.” you mumble the last part, though because sicheng has uncanny hearing, he probably heard, if the smirk on his lips is anything to go by.

jaehyun decides it’s time to intercept, because as amusing as things were, he hoped you weren’t actually going to cry about being single, especially since you had no reason to. he stops by the dining table where taeil and sicheng are. “so i heard you and (name) were talking about me.”

sicheng snorts, rolling his eyes. “just because we said pretty boys doesn’t mean we were talking about you.”

though unaware of the topic, taeil leans in, chewing on a mouthful of pizza. “yeah, for all we know, he could be talking about me!” he chirps. he’s met with an annoyed glare from sicheng (though both of them can see him stifling his laughter), which he responds with an air kiss. typical taeil.

“well, i’m going to check up on him. i’ll leave you two lovebirds alone for now,” he teases. taeil looks a little too happy at the joke, whereas sicheng threatens to stab him with a fork. it’s amusing watching their reactions, considering how everyone around them already knows that they’re dating. those two just haven’t admitted anything yet.

he follows you into the kitchen, though you don’t seem to notice, too busy pouring yourself a glass of cold water.  “(name),” he greets.

you jump in surprise, nearly spilling water on yourself. when you turn to face jaehyun, your confident nature immediately disappears, quickly replaced with one of bashfulness. “you know me?” you ask, in awe of how said pretty boy could possibly recognize you.

if only you knew just how well he knew you, he thinks to himself. instead, he decides to play along; you’re obviously too drunk to realize how silly this seems. “i do,” he hums, patting your shoulder. he isn’t sure if your red cheeks are from the alcohol or him, though he hopes for the latter. he never gets less prideful when you get all shy because of him.

hoping to maintain the confident facade you had earlier, you quickly clear your throat, looking away. “how can i help you?” you ask, taking a sip of your water.

“well, i was hoping if we could talk in a more... private area?” he asks.

you nearly spit out your water, eyes the size of saucers. he has to stop himself from laughing, afraid the drunk you would get the wrong impression. “just to talk, that’s all. it’s kind of loud here, don’t you think?”

the screams from the living room (which are mainly from johnny and donghyuck and the occasional ones of distress from taeyong) and the volume of the television are evidence enough, so you nod in agreement. “yeah, sure.”

“perfect. let’s go then~” jaehyun laces your fingers together before you can say anything, and your ears are practically fuming with smoke. you’re too distracted by his touch to question how he knows where your bedroom is. when you both enter your room, he flops down on your bed, patting the empty spot beside him. at this, you gasp, scandalized and very flustered. he chuckles at how shy you’ve gotten, shaking his head. “my my (name), get your head out of the gutter. we’re not going to do anything... unless you want to,” he flirts.

jaehyun never tries to take advantage of you, especially when you’re not sober. but when the sober you would throw pillows (or anything that wouldn’t actually hurt him) at him for flirting with you, the drunk you would always fire back with equally flirty remarks, or the shy you would just splutter in embarrassment. he can’t help it, spewing sweet nothings to you - you’re just too fun to mess with for him to not to, especially when you’re drunk.

reluctantly you place your water on your bedside table and lower yourself beside him, heart thumping erratically. he chuckles at how timid you are, a stark contrast from the snarky (name) that he knows so well. he turns to face you, both of your faces only centimetres apart. the smell of alcohol lingers on both of you, though it isn’t as prominent on him as it is on you. he makes a mental note to ask yuta how much you’ve had.

you squeak at how close you two are, hands flying to cover your face. “you have a boyfriend,” you whisper. you’re undeniably flustered, but you would rather die than be known as a homewrecker!

his laugh startles you, even more so when he presses a hand to the small of your back. you look like you’ve committed a heinous crime, potentially causing an attractive man like jaehyun to cheat on his boyfriend. the statement is so abusrd though, considering how you’re the boyfriend in question. “i do, you are right. he won’t be mad at me, though,” he hums, leaning in so close your noses would touch if it weren’t for the makeshift barrier you’ve made from your hands. you flush red in embarrassment, hiding your eyes behind your hands. if you make eye contact with him, you’re sure you’re going to melt into a puddle.

“even if he didn’t mind, i don’t think we should be doing this. i know i wouldn’t be happy if my boyfriend did this,” you whisper.

jaehyun sure is having a field day with this. you’re too flustered and worried to notice the pure look of adoration he’s giving you. “call it a hunch,” he says. “i promise you, he won’t be mad at this.”

“why?”

“you’ll find out tomorrow.” he pauses as a yawn rips out of his chest. “i’m really tired, so i’m going to sleep. the boys probably won’t quiet down on my account, anyways. you can always go back to them if you want, though,” he offers. a small part of him hopes for you to stay and cuddle with him, but judging how you’re so sure he has a boyfriend who would be absolutely devastated for literally sleeping with another man and how you have no knowledge of where you stand, he wouldn’t be surprised if you left.

what does surprise him, though, is when you stay rooted in your spot on the bed. “i’m tired, too,” you say.

jaehyun smiles so sweetly, the one that has his eyes dripping with honey, that your hands fly up to cover your face again. his boyfriend must be lucky to see that sight all of the time, you bitterly think to yourself. still, even if you’re not sure why he’s flirting with you or where you stand, you decide to savor every moment that you get to spend with him. even if you don’t really know who pretty boy is, he’s sweet and kind. plus, only a fool would cover their eyes when someone as beautiful as him lays before you.

he moves an arm to pat your thigh when he freezes in midair, remembering how he’s supposed to have a boyfriend to stay loyal to (even though he’s right in front of him). he retracts his arm and instead pulls your blanket to cover your lower bodies. “goodnight, (name),” he hums, shutting his eyes.

before jaehyun can begin the long process of trying to fall asleep, he feels you tug at his t-shirt. cracking an eye open, he sees you laying before him, staring at him with curious eyes and red cheeks. oh no, now he’s really tempted to kiss you. you’re impossibly adorable, seeing how vulnerable and curious you are. “yes?” he hums, trying to stay awake. the effects from last night’s uno matches have really begin to take a toll on him.

“i don’t think i’ve gotten the chance to ask, but may i know your name?” you ask.

jaehyun chuckles. he’s flirted with you and is even sleeping in the same bed as you, yet he’s forgotten the basic courtesy that is introductions. he didn’t think he would’ve needed it, considering how you’re his boyfriend. but then again, you’ve forgotten that you are his boyfriend. “my name’s yoonoh, but you can call me jaehyun or jae.”

no one actually calls him jae except for you. it’s a short and simple nickname that you have for him, nothing endearing. but because it’s something that only you call him, even though there isn’t a meaning to it, he’s grown fond of the way it sounds leaving your lips. which is why hearing it from anyone that isn’t you only leaves a weird taste on his tongue.

you’re so drunk you don’t even remember jaehyun, nor who he is to you, so it isn’t surprising that you stick with jaehyun instead. he doesn’t mind though, because he knows when you’re sober again he’ll hear you calling him jae and cuddling into him and doing all of the coupley things he wasn’t able to do tonight.

wow, jaehyun really is a lovesick fool. it’s only been one night of not being able to cuddle or kiss you, but he feels like he’s missed a whole eternity of them. he really isn’t sure how he’s lived before you came into his life.

for an hour, you pester jaehyun on how you two became acquainted and who you were to him. he indulged you, of course, purposefully skipping over the part of you becoming boyfriends and doing things that friends definitely didn’t do. his stories seem to be an effective way of getting you to sleep, because in the middle of a story of how a pair of swapped backpacks led to your relationship, you’re lulled to sleep, tired hands clutching onto his t-shirt.

he can only chuckle, leaning down to press a kiss on your nose. you’ll sure be in for a storm when you sober up tomorrow morning.

your jaw drops as you stare at the video on doyoung’s phone. it’s of you and sicheng, and right now you can only watch in horror as you pester him for information on the pretty boy you were so interested in last night. you have no recollection of last night’s events, though watching the video makes you glad you don’t. the problem is, the boys were there to witness them, even recording evidence of it on their phones. you’ve already seen pictures that johnny and taeyong have taken from when you and jaehyun were cuddling in your bed.

“please tell me that isn’t me,” you whisper, utterly mortified.

mark pats your shoulder in sympathy. “that’s you, all right.”

at his confirmation, you groan, burying your face in your hands. doyoung and donghyuck are cackling at your demise, with sicheng reciting your complaints word from word to a very amused johnny and yuta.

“...and then he was like well, i bet i can treat him ten times better! pretty boy there doesn’t know what he’s missing out on,” sicheng mimics, purposefully raising his voice an octave higher as he mocks you. out of embarrassment, you reach for a pillow on your couch and fling it at him. unlike jaehyun, he’s very good at dodging, proven when he ducks. instead, the pillow smacks yuta square in the face. he throws it back at you with even more force.

you duck, the pillow smacking an unsuspecting jaehyun. he really is horrible at dodging things - how shameful. “what the hell was that for?” he splutters, picking it up from the floor.

you turn to face him, eyebrows furrowed with annoyance. “you watched me make an utter fool out of myself, and you didn’t once try to do anything about it?” you hiss.

jaehyun frowns in confusion until doyoung dangles his phone in front of his face. when he watches the video, his face eventually contorts to one of amusement. “oh, that.”

your face is red with embarrassment. “yeah, that! like seriously? where is your loyalty? do you not care about my well being? you know how vicious these monsters can be!” you whine, gesturing at the said nine monsters behind you.

he nonchalantly shrugs, though you can see the corners of his lips threatening to curl into a smirk. “i do, but you were just too cute, seeing you all flustered. what about my own well being, huh? seeing you like that isn’t good for my heart,” he coos.

your heart leaps, but you mask it by smothering his face with a pillow. “you’re the worst,” you grumble.

“you act like you don’t like it, but i know you do~” he retaliates, albeit muffled from the pillow.

behind you two stands nine other boys, obviously unimpressed. watching you two engage in petty banter is always amusing, but not when it makes you flustered and encourages jaehyun to flirt with you like the cheesy, lovesick fool he is. “they’re so gross,” donghyuck gags.

johnny nods in agreement. “let’s get out of here before they start fucking on the counter.”

at johnny’s comment, you turn away from jaehyun so fast you swear you hear your neck crack. “do you have no filter?!” you shriek, exasperated.

with your guard down, jaehyun takes this as a chance to wrap his arms around your waist. a noise of surprise leaves your throat as he places his chin on your shoulder. “you’re so mean, (name). i liked the shy you a lot better~” he hums.

the other boys don’t even blink. “we’re going to leave now before things get bloody. good luck, (name),” taeyong says, saluting you.

jaehyun’s already tugging at the hem of your shirt and peppering your neck with kisses by the time the boys leave.

[worldserasingandcreatinginmymind]

Unfaithful | Part Two

Series Summary: After dreaming of your perfect wedding since you were a little girl the big day is almost here. But after meeting the priest you start to question your relationship.

Pairing: Hot Priest x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3243

Warnings: abusive behaviour, mentions of ‘bedroom activity’ 🙈

A/N: Please be warned there will be some themes of toxic/abusive relationship in this series. Also, spelling and grammar is not my strongest skill so please be kind :)

Part One | Masterlist

- - - - -

I knew weddings took a lot of planning, but I never realised they took this much. Every single tiny detail requires a decision and more often than not that decision falls on the bride’s shoulders. 

Purple or yellow flowers?

Napkins folded as swans or roses?

Which table can we sit Uncle David at where he won’t start a fight?

I try to get Dan involved in the decision making but his response is always the same.

“It’s up to you babe”

Speaking of Daniel, I still haven’t told him we have to meet with the Priest again today. I tried a few times to bring it up but his mood changes instantly. I’ve still got a slight bruise on my wrist from the aftermath of the first meeting, but I keep it covered. I know he didn’t mean to hurt me. 

I pull the sleeve of my jumper down over my wrist as I approach Daniel in the kitchen. 

“You look nice, where you going today?” He asks as he makes himself a cup of tea. 

“Actually…” I take a breath “we’ve got our second meeting with the Priest today”

“What do you mean? We’ve already met him once why do we need to go again?” He doesn’t look as me as he swirls the teabag around in his mug with a spoon.

“It’s just church policy, he has to meet with us a few times before the wedding”

“Well I’m not going” 

“Dan-“

“I SAID NO!” He erupts, swiping his mug off the counter so it smashes and tea spills everywhere. He storms out of the kitchen, leaving me stood in the mess he’s made. I stare at it bewildered for a moment as it sinks in what he’s done and I feel my blood start to boil.

“Daniel!” I shout as I follow after him. I find him in the hallway taking his coat off the hook as he heads for the front door “where are you going?”

“Pub”

“Dan, the priest is expecting us in half an hour! Both of us!”

“Then I guess he’s doing to be disappointed. Or not. You two got along just fine the other day, it was almost as if I wasn’t even there”

“We both tried to include you in the conversation multiple times but you just… weren’t present”

“Well then today won’t be any different will it” 

He walks out and slams the door behind him. 

I stand alone in the hallway for a few minutes taking deep breaths to calm myself before taking out my phone and sending an email. 

‘I’m really sorry father but I’m not feeling well so I need to reschedule today’s meeting. Sorry.’

— — — — 

45 minutes later. 

I clean when I’m stressed. And right now I’m the most stressed I’ve been in my life so I’ve decided to stress clean the whole house. Everything. Apart from the broken mug and spilled tea. Daniel can clean that shit up when he eventually gets back from his sulk. 

I’m in the middle of vacuuming the living room when something catches my attention in the corner of my eye. My heart stops for a moment when I turn and see the Priest waving at me through the window.

I turn off the vacuum and open the front door, placing my hand over my chest. 

“You startled me!” 

“I guess now were even” he laughs awkwardly “I bought you these”

He pulls out a small bouquet of flowers from behind his back.

“Why?” I ask, not meaning to sound as ungrateful as I do, as he hands them to me.

“You said you were ill, I hoped these would cheer you up” 

I don't quite know how to react so I end up just staring at him blankly. The truth is I’m speechless. He watches my face and the smile fades from his own. 

“You don’t like them. Shit! I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have even come, I’ve overstepped my boundaries.” He rambles

“No! No! I love them I’m just-” I pause as I look down at the flowers in my hand “I think this is the nicest thing anyones ever done for me. No one ever buys me flowers” 

“Well they should.”

For some reason I suddenly feel like a shy little school girl. I smile at him and he smiles back. 

“Anyway I just wanted to make sure you're okay. Get well soon” he turns and begins walking down the driveway. I think for a moment.

“Father!” I call after him and he spins around to face me “would you like to come in?” 

He nods and walks back to me, going past me into the house. I shut the door and gesture for him to go through into the kitchen, forgetting about Daniel’s mess. 

“Oops” he says when he sees it “what happened there?” 

“Daniel had an accident. He can be really clumsy sometimes” I laugh it off as I busy myself making us some tea.

“Can’t we all” he says, taking a seat at the dining table “will he be joining us?”

“No” I respond, a bit too quickly “he uh, he had to go out. I don't know when he’ll be back” 

I carefully carry our cups of tea over to the dining table and take a seat opposite him.

“Never mind. Thank you” he smiles and takes a sip of tea “I actually wanted to talk to you about something without Daniel, if that’s okay?” 

“Sure” I shrug, stirring some sugar into my tea. 

“I hope you don't take this wrong way but-” he pauses, I can tell he’s nervous to say what he’s going to say next “Are you safe?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?”

“It’s just… I saw what happened in the car park the other day”

“I don't know what you're talking about” I say casually as I remove the spoon from my tea and place it down on the table. The priest reaches over and goes to touch my wrist but I pull it away quickly, instinctively pulling my sleeve down over my hand as his eyes search my own. 

“He hurt you, didn’t he?” He asks quietly and I shake my head “I saw the way you held your wrist as you walked away from him Y/N and I could see the bruises just now.”

I can’t bare the way he’s looking at me anymore so I cast my eyes down to the table, but he continues to stare at me. 

“Y/N? Talk to me, that’s what I’m here for. If he’s abusive to you-”

“He’s not” I finally speak as I look up at him again “he’s not like that, he’s kind and caring and… he would never intentionally hurt me. I just caught him on a bad day”

“And what about today? With the tea?” He gestures to the shattered mug on the floor “That wasn’t an accident was it? Is that why you cancelled today?”

“No! It’s just the stress of planning a wedding is getting to us both. But we’re fine! Honestly” 

I take a breath as I smile at him, but I can see he’s not totally convinced. He looks at me for a moment before speaking. 

“Give me your phone” he holds his hand out across the table 

“What? Why?” 

“I’m giving you my number, no one emails anymore” he jokes “So you can contact me whenever you need a chat, okay? Any time. Well apart from Sunday mornings, cause you know, church.”

“Of course” I smile

“And preferably not late. I’ve been really enjoying going to bed at 9.30 recently” he winks and we both laugh “I’m kidding. Well not about going to bed at 9.30, I do actually do that. But you can call or text me anytime and I will always get back to you. I promise” 

He gives me a really sincere smile and I feel a weird flutter in my stomach as I smile back. 

— — — — 

Almost two hours later the priest is only just getting ready to leave after we got carried away talking. We talked about all sorts. Our childhoods, our hobbies, our fears. He told me about his fear of foxes, and how they’ve apparently stalked him throughout his life. He even told me about his first ever wedding and the drama that surrounded the family. We’ve been talking for so long we didn’t realise its starting to get dark. He opens the front door and steps out just as Daniel comes walking toward the house, I see the anger in his face as he spots the priest. 

“What the fuck is he doing here!” He yells as he stomps towards us

“Daniel!” I warn but he ignores me, squaring up to the priest. I try to get between them and smell the stench of booze on him “are you drunk?!”

“So what if I am? Huh? You got a problem with that?” his breath on my face makes me want to gag “cause you know, I got a problem with this asshole being in my house”

“We just had some wedding stuff to discuss but it’s all sorted now so I’m going” the priest tries to diffuse the situation “I’ll see you both soon” 

“Like fuck you will” Daniel spits before going into the house. 

I mouth “I’m sorry” to the priest and he just shakes his head and smiles at me before leaving. 

Back in the house I ignore Daniel’s drunken ranting, going straight to the kitchen to clear away the left over cups of tea. Aggravated that I’m not paying him attention, Daniel follows me into the kitchen. He picks the flowers up from the counter.

“Did he give you these?” He asks but I ignore him, angering him more. He rips the flowers to shreds, dumping them on the floor. 

I step over them and I place our mugs next to sink, grab a cloth and some cleaner before going back to wipe down the table. Suddenly a mug flies past me, just missing my face as it smashes against the wall. I slowly turn to look at Daniel and stare him out before I dropping the cloth on the table and walking out. I grab my handbag and throw my jacket around my shoulders as I walk out of the house, slamming the door behind me. Daniel doesn’t dare to follow me, he knows he pushed me too far. 

I’ve been walking for about half an hour before I realise, I have no idea where I’m going. I’m just wondering aimlessly, letting my feet carry me wherever they want to go. Eventually I find myself standing outside the church. I place my hand on the wooden doors and pause, contemplating whether to go inside or carry on walking till I find a bar to drink at. To my surprise the doors gently swing open, but theres no one stood behind them. I take this as a sign that I should go in. 

As I enter the silent church and walk down the aisle I can’t help but imagine myself here in a few weeks wearing my white dress. I reach the front and turn back to stare out at the empty pews, picturing my friends and family smiling back at me as I stand with the man I’ll spend the rest of my life with. 

A thought that used to fill me with excitement, currently filling me with dread. 

I grunt with frustration as I flop down to the floor, sitting on the step with my head in my hands. Frustration turns to anger, which turns to sadness and soon I can’t stop the tears rolling down my face. I sit there silently crying until…

“You can’t be in here!” 

I look up and wipe my eyes as a very grumpy looking middle aged lady stomps towards me.

“Sorry”

“No ones allowed in at night”

“The door was open, I just presumed-”

“Well it shouldn’t have been and you need to leave” she ushers me back to the doors.

“Okay, I’m going. Sorry!”

“Y/N?” A familiar voice calls and I look back to see the priest emerging from his office “what are you doing here?”

“She’s just leaving Father, I’m sorry for the disturbance” the woman answers

“It’s alright Pam, she can stay” 

The woman I now know is Pam looks from the priest to me, then back to the priest again before backing off slightly. 

“Okay…” she says slowly, like she suspects something “I’ll just be upstairs if you need me. Goodnight Father” 

“Good night Pam” he replies.

She gives me one last look before disappearing out a door. I look at the priest, who just rolls his eyes and laughs as he gestures for me to follow him. 

I walk into his office and take a seat.

“So, that was Pam” he says, closing the office door and taking a seat opposite me.

“I gathered” I nod my head “She’s a bit…”

“Insane” 

“I was gonna say intense, but yeah” I laugh, feeling self conscious as I notice he’s studying my face. My cheeks are probably still blotchy and eyes blood shot from crying. There’s a small silence before he finally speaks.

“Are you okay?”

I look at him, not sure how to answer. 

“Did he hurt you?” He changes the question

“No” I shake my head “but he did break another mug. I’m gonna have to get insurance out on the ones we’ve got left at this rate” I joke but he continues to study my face, before finally jumping up out his chair.

“Do you want a drink? A proper drink. I’ve got some cans of G&T hidden away in here”

He opens a cupboard and grabs a Marks and Spencers plastic bag, pulling out two cans. 

“Are you sure you're a priest?” I laugh as he hands me a can “I mean you drink, you swear.. what other rules do you break?”

“I could tell you, but I’d have to kill you”

“Murder too?” I say a bit too loud, flinching as I hear a banging above me

“Oh shit, Pam! She doesn’t like me being loud. Or having fun in general. Let’s go outside”

“What about the foxes?” I tease and he shakes his head at me as he opens the door and gestures me to walk out. 

— — — — 

We sit on a bench just outside the church overlooking the graveyard and talk for about half an hour before I realise something. 

“You know what’s strange?” I say, suddenly changing the subject “This is only really our third time meeting. I haven’t known you for very long at all but when we talk I feel like I’ve known you for years!”

“That is strange” he humours me, taking a sip of his drink

“Our conversations remind me of how Daniel and I used to be. Back when we could talk to each other properly. These days I’m lucky if we don't end up in an argument”

“And you wanna marry this guy?” 

“Of course I do” I reply, slightly taken aback by the forwardness of his question “We’ve known each other pretty much our whole lives. We’ve been together so long- I wouldn’t know what to do without him”

“That’s not a reason to stay with someone, especially if they don't make you happy anymore. Being in love with someone and being dependant on them are different things.” He pauses, studying me “Do you love Daniel?”

I stare at him, replaying the question in my mind over and over again. 

“Y/N?” 

I realise I don’t know the answer and a feeling of panic begins to bubble inside me. I jump up from the seat.

“I have to go” 

I quickly begin walking down the path to the front of the church, followed by the Priest who calls after me. I don't stop walking.

“It’s really late, Dan’s probably wondering I am so…” 

“Y/N, wait please!” 

I stop and turn back to look at him.

“I’m sorry if that was too much, but these are things you need to think seriously about.”

“I know! I will.” I nod and flash him a quick smile “thanks for the drink” 

I hold my can up in a ‘cheers’ before turning and continuing my walk back home. 

— — — — 

As I walk up the driveway of my house I can see Daniel through the window fast asleep on the sofa in front of the tv. I finish the last bit of my drink and hide the can in my handbag as I unlock the front door and sneak into the house. I hang my coat and bag up and slip my shoes off before quietly climbing the stairs and getting into bed. 

Laying in bed my mind can’t help but wonder to the Priest. I feel bad for the way the conversation ended. I shouldn’t have freaked out and walked off like that. He just looking out for me.

I grab my phone and send a text. 

‘Thanks for not letting Pam kick me out tonight, I really appreciate it. Good night’

I put my phone back on the beside table, not expecting a reply anytime soon because its so late. To my surprise it vibrates almost immediately. I pick it up and read:

‘No problem, here for you anytime! Sleep well x’

A small smile spreads on my face as my eyes fixate on the small ‘x’ at the end of his text. It probably means nothing but I cant help but feel a flutter in my stomach. 

The feeling a quickly taken over by dread as I hear footsteps up the stairs. I put my phone back on the table and roll over in bed, making out like I’m asleep. The mattress sinks as Daniel climbs into bed next to me and I feel his breath on the side of my face. At least he doesn’t smell of beer anymore. 

“I’m sorry” he whispers as his arm snakes over my waist and he plants a kiss on my cheek “I’m really really sorry”

I turn my head slightly to look up at him, but I don't say anything. 

“I shouldn’t have reacted like that. You know what I’m like when I drink”

“That’s no excuse Daniel” 

“I know, I know! I’m sorry. I’m going to change, try harder for you. Okay?”

I nod my head, knowing full well its bullshit. He’s said this before, said he’ll be different but the next day he’s always back to his same old self. 

“No more shouting. No more lashing out. No more hurting you. I promise.” He plants kisses on my skin with each sentence. “I’m going to be the perfect husband for you and im going to make it up to you. Starting now.”

He kisses down my jaw, to my neck and down my shoulder as he gently pulls me so I’m lying on my back. Then he kisses down my chest and slips under the duvet, kissing all the way down my body till he reaches that place only he has ever been. 

I close my eyes, enjoying the pleasure that’s rippling through me as my breathing gets more ragged before I realise…

In my imagination its not my soon to be husband with his head between my legs…

It’s the dark haired, brown eyed man who’s supposed to be marrying us.

Oh my God, I fancy a priest. 

part three

(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_domestic_violence_hotlines)

[nicknellie]

Anonymous requested: roommates Alex and Willie share a bed on the night of a storm and it becomes a habit, resulting with a confession and a kiss. (This was edited/simplified just to make it shorter.)

Sorry this has taken me so long to get round to! I absolutely loved the request and it was a joy to write, especially since I’m so stuck in my JatP feels for the anniversary. I’m always a sucker for a one bed trope too! I really hope you like it, thanks for the request!

Raging Storms and Lovesick Hearts

There were times that Alex wasn’t sure if moving in with Willie was the best decision he’d ever made or the worst. In many ways, it was a decision he would never go back on – living with Luke and Reggie had been fun during the day, but apparently neither of them had ever heard of sleep and decided to make that Alex’s problem, so now that he lived with Willie it was nice to finally know what it felt like to be well-rested. It was also great because he got to spend much more time with Willie, something he’d craved for as long as he’d known him.

But that was also sort of the worst thing about it all.

Being around Willie all the time was beginning to drive Alex a little bit insane. Not in a bad way, it wasn’t like he felt stifled or had grown bored or frustrated by Willie’s near-constant presence in his life. If anything, it was the opposite. Nowadays, he got to see every version of Willie, not just the smiley, put-together version he saw when they met up on odd weekends. Now he got to see tired Willie, just rolled out of bed, still unsteady on his feet from sleep; he saw even more of the kind, generous, fair Willie who offered to do the dishes whenever Alex cooked dinner; he saw the childishly exhausted Willie who crashed on the couch and slept for three hours every time he got back from the skatepark; he saw adorably sleepy Willie at night when it was nearing midnight and he was reluctantly going to bed, eyes already drooping closed; he saw paint-splattered Willie, brushes tucked behind his ears and shoved into his hair, headphones in, working tirelessly on some big piece that Alex admired every stage of; sometimes, he saw a version of Willie that made his heart ache, a broken version of Willie with tears running down his cheeks as he wiped furiously at his eyes as Alex did everything in his power to console him. He saw every version of Willie and he wanted them all so badly, but he couldn’t have any of them.

And sure, he’d brought this upon himself. When the guy he’d been pining over for exactly one year had asked if he wanted to move in, he could have guessed that it would ruin him, and he could have said no. It would’ve been easy.

But Alex had seen the smile on Willie’s face, the excited glint in his eye about the prospect of living together, and his affirmative answer had been out of his mouth before he’d given it a second thought. He was paying the price for his thoughtlessness now, condemned to watch Willie be anything but his for as long as they lived together. Frankly the whole thing was exhausting – he had to wonder if that was adding to him getting a good night’s sleep every night.

There was another reason he preferred nights now, not just because he could rest easily. Night was the only time he didn’t see Willie, the only time he could get a little respite from his aching heart, lie alone in the dark and pretend he was the only person on Earth. Maybe it was a little lonely and more than a little sad to think of things that way, but it was a change from his usual pining at the very least. He thought that having that time to escape his feelings was definitely doing him some good.

Until the night of the storm.

There had been warnings about it all week. Alerts popping up on Alex’s phone, breaking news plastered on every TV he saw, articles about finding shelter and stocking up on food just in case the storm was worse than they thought. It was only supposed to be a passing thing, been and gone overnight, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

It had been raining all day, a dismal drizzle, the kind of rain that was so fine you didn’t realise you were soaked until you felt your clothes sticking to your skin. But around midnight, everything kicked off. Alex lay in bed, toying with a fraying thread on the duvet cover, listening to the rain hammering against the windows hard enough to rattle their frames, the wind whistling as it bled through the streets outside, the claps of thunder loud enough to deafen as they came just seconds after bursts of lightning illuminated his entire room. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little bit frightened, but he curled up tighter in his bed, pulling the covers close, and tried to force sleep.

A knocking sound made his eyes snap open. At first, he wondered if he’d imagined it, or if it was the sound of something hitting his window, but then it came again. And yes, it was definitely a knock. A knock at his bedroom door. A knock on his bedroom door at half-midnight in the middle of a storm. And there was only one person it could be.

Alex stretched as he swung his long legs out of the bed and flicked his bedside lamp on. He pulled open the bedroom door, squinting in the sudden burst of light from the hallway, and was met by a timid-looking Willie with his hair braided back, wearing his pyjamas, fist still sheepishly raised as if to knock on the door again.

“Hey,” Alex said, voice low with fatigue. He tried to stifle a yawn as he scrunched his eyes, forcing the tiredness out of them. “Is everything okay?”

He must have not hidden his exhaustion as well as he’d tried because Willie winced before saying, “Sorry. Did I wake you up?”

“No, no,” Alex assured him, “I couldn’t sleep anyway. The storm is too loud.” Willie nodded awkwardly, casting his gaze around, seemingly trying to look anywhere but at Alex. It was strange – Willie wasn’t the type to avoid talking to someone, especially if it was Alex, who was suddenly left feeling very concerned. “Is it… Is that why you’re awake too?”

“Kind of,” Willie replied, a half-smile on his face that quickly flickered out of existence. He shook his head, taking a few steps back. “It’s silly. Don’t worry about it actually. I’ll go back to my room. I shouldn’t have bothered you.”

“Hey, no,” Alex protested, clutching Willie’s wrist as he tried to turn and walk away, stopping him in his tracks. Willie didn’t turn to face him, but did stop trying to leave, so Alex took that as a victory. “You could never bother me. And whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not silly.”

Slowly, Willie turned back around to face him, some mixture of hope and nervousness dancing in his eyes. When Willie looked down again, Alex followed his line of sight and saw that he still had a hold of Willie’s wrist. He dropped it suddenly, instantly aware that he’d been holding on too long and if he wasn’t careful Willie might take that to mean something that Alex definitely couldn’t have him knowing which would introduce a whole different kind of storm. (But before he let go, he could have sworn he felt Willie’s pulse racing; maybe it was his nerves, but maybe it was something else… something Alex didn’t want to get his hopes up about.)

“It’s just… I’m not really great with storms,” Willie admitted softly, meeting Alex’s eyes again. “They freak me out. I was just going to ask if I could… if I could, you know, sleep in here with you tonight? If it’s totally out of line you can say no, I get it, man, I won’t be up–”

Alex shook his head, not wanting to let him spiral, knowing that never ended up well for anyone. There was a pretty major part of him panicking over the fact that Willie was going to spend the night in his room, but that part was outweighed by the even bigger part of him that was worried and concerned for Willie, the part of him that wanted to protect Willie at all costs.

“No, no, it’s alright,” he said, interrupting Willie before he got too lost in his own head. “Come on, you can sleep in here. I don’t mind.”

It was only as the two of them backed into the room and Alex shut the door, blocking out all the light from the hallway and leaving them dimly lit by just his bedside lamp, that Alex remembered that his room was very small and ill-equipped for impromptu sleepovers. Which was to say, there was only one bed.

His internal panicking doubled in an instant. Because there weren’t many options here. He could make Willie sleep on the floor, which seemed incredibly harsh and unfair considering the state he’d just come to Alex in. He could sleep on the floor himself, which he really didn’t want to do because it would be cold down there and he didn’t like the idea of being able to see underneath his bed. They could relocate to Willie room down the hall where there was a small sofa that one of them (probably Alex) could sleep on, and they’d still be in the same room, but he knew they were both tired and switching rooms sounded like a lot of effort. Which just left sharing the bed, and truth be told, Alex was utterly terrified by the idea.

He was about to say something, ask Willie what he thought the best course of action was, but the words died in his mouth as he saw that Willie was already climbing into the bed. He already seemed much more at ease, the worry lines around his face softening as he closed his eyes. After yet another brief panic, Alex got into the bed again and laid down beside him.

He could hardly hear the raging storm over the incessant beating of his own lovesick heart.

The whole thing felt so intimate even though there was nothing overtly intimate about it. Really it was just one friend helping another, Alex being there for Willie when he was frightened, lending him a bed and a comforting presence. But they were so close, touching all along one side of Alex’s body, their breathing synced, the world around them slowly fading into nothingness until it was just the two of them.

After some time, it was impossible to tell exactly how long, Willie said, “Thank you, Alex.”

Alex sighed quietly, letting his eyes fall closed. He shuffled ever so slightly closer to Willie on the bed and as his tiredness overtook him he lost a little control over his inhibitions. Before he knew it, he’d thrown an arm around Willie’s waist, holding him close, their bodies curled together. When he registered what he’d done, he almost pulled away, but Willie relaxed into him so he let his arm stay where it was.

“Don’t mention it,” Alex whispered to the darkness around them. “I’m always going to be here whenever you need me.”

In moments, they were both asleep, the storm still raging outside.

*

When Alex woke up the next morning, the storm had all but died. He could still hear the gentle pitter-patter of rain drumming on the windows and roof, but the wind had long since ceased, as had the thunder and lightning that had lit up the night. He exhaled contentedly, relaxing against the warmth on the left side of his body, and nearly drifted off to sleep.

But then he realised what – or rather who – that warmth was.

The events from the night before came flooding back to his with all the ferocity of the storm itself. Willie coming to him in the middle of the night, how frightened he had seemed, how Alex had offered up his room, and how they’d fallen asleep tangled together. Now they had woken up in the exact same way, and Alex had no idea what to do about it.

If he moved, he risked waking Willie and that was a conversation he would rather avoid. But if he stayed still, Willie would eventually wake up and he’d still have to have that awkward ‘remember last night’ conversation. There was really no winning here. Even in a situation where he was cuddling the love of his life, he couldn’t come out unscathed.

So, he went for the slightly immature third option and opted to feign sleep, letting the whole thing be Willie’s problem whenever he woke up.

And eventually he did, not long after Alex. When Alex felt him stir and stretch, he tried to slow his breathing, keep his eyes closed only gently, and even let out a few fake little snores to try and sell the piece. His eyes were closed, so he had no idea if Willie even looked at him, but moments later Willie slipping out from his grasp and Alex heard the tell-tale creak of his bedroom door. Only when he heard it click shut did he breathe a long sigh of relief.

Honestly, he had thought that would be it. One night together and then Alex could get back to his nights of peaceful sleep. Only there were two things in the way of that:

One – suddenly, without Willie sleeping in his bed, Alex found that sleep was much harder to come by.

Two – after that night, Willie slept in Alex’s bed more often than not.

Alex really had no idea how it became so routine, but it did. About a week after the storm, Willie knocked on his door again and told Alex he’d had a nightmare, asking to sleep in his bed again. And who was Alex to refuse? So they’d slept in the same bed again, they’d woken up a tangle of limbs, and Willie had crept out while Alex pretended to sleep.

Then just two nights later, Alex’s resolve had broken and something had possessed him to go to Willie’s room and invite him back to his own. He had made up some flimsy excuse, something about his heater having broken and him needing warmth, but Willie hadn’t questioned it. They’d slept in the same bed again, they’d woken up a tangle of limbs, and Willie had crept out while Alex pretended to sleep.

And the very next night, they hadn’t even discussed it before the two of them just went straight to Alex’s room and climbed into bed together. They’d slept in the same bed again, woken up a tangle of limbs, and Willie had crept out while Alex pretended to sleep.

For something so focused on sleep, it was ridiculously tiring.

After it had gone on for a few weeks, Alex had to wonder if maybe this whole thing meant something. If maybe he wasn’t alone in his feelings. If maybe Willie felt the same, but had similar hang-ups to Alex – he didn’t want to ruin their friendship, didn’t want to embarrass himself by admitting to unrequited love, didn’t even know how to bring it up. Maybe sleeping by each other’s side had become something of a safety net for them, a teetering middle ground on the border of friendship and something else entirely.

And as Alex lay awake, head rested on Willie’s chest, listening to his heartbeat, he knew suddenly that he had to push it. No matter how much that frightened him, he had to take that leap and push them into the uncertain territory that was something other than friendship.

When he sensed Willie waking up, he did not pretend to be asleep.

He eased his head off Willie’s chest and rolled over to lay on his front, watching Willie as he blinked awake endearingly. Alex’s heart was practically beating out of his chest, but he knew he had to do it. He had to take that leap.

“Good morning,” he said quietly.

Willie smiled gently, rubbing at his tired eyes and pushing his hair out of his face. “Good morning, hotdog.”

“I think we need to talk,” Alex said without preamble. It wasn’t the most natural segue into the matter at hand, but that hardly seemed to matter right then.

Willie blinked, clearly a little surprised, but then he nodded. Alex took a deep breath, steeling himself, and let it out.

“I really like you, Willie,” he said, maintaining eye contact even though it was the most petrifying thing he’d ever done. “Like, a lot. So much that it’s been kind of driving me crazy for a year now. I’ve wanted to tell you how I feel for about a year now, but every time I tried all this doubt and anxiety just told me it wasn’t worth it and that you could never like me the way I like you. And I believed it. I never said anything, and I fooled myself into thinking I’d be alright if we were just friends. But after all this, sharing a bed almost every night and then pretending it never happened… it’s proved to me how much I need you. I can’t sleep without you next to me, Willie. I want you by my side all the time. All of you. So, if I’m not reading this whole thing dramatically wrong, then I want to finally ask you to… to be my boyfriend.”

For a long moment, Willie said nothing. He held eye contact, like he was searching Alex’s eyes for the truth, whatever it might have been. But Alex had said the whole truth. He’d let it all out, he’d told Willie he needed him. All he could do was hope that Willie needed him too.

The moment ended abruptly when Willie breathed out and almost silent, “Yes,” and then surged forward to kiss Alex.

He was kissing him.

This was a possibility that Alex had never allowed himself to entertain, a thought he’d never followed up, a scenario he’d never imagined. He had known that once he thought about kissing Willie, he would be ruined if it never happened. But the real thing was better than anything Alex could have thought up in his wildest dreams anyway. It was like a muffled explosion – both harsh and soft, near and far, dangerous and safe.

When they separated, Alex rested his forehead against Willie’s trying to get his breath back and his heartrate under control.

“I’d been wondering if I should say something,” Willie chuckled, stroking his fingers through Alex’s hair. “You beat me to it.”

Alex smiled and pressed another soft kiss to Willie’s lips. “Doesn’t matter. We got there eventually.”

The next morning when they both woke up in Alex’s bed, Alex didn’t need to feign sleep. He pressed a kiss to his boyfriend’s cheek and pulled him tighter. He thought that after months of missed opportunities, they definitely deserved a lazy morning in bed together.

[teshamerkel]

Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Seekers of Soul

Chapter 14 (19 Pages)

<< First | < Previous | Next >

Hazel gives Nia a new lead to follow in her search for answers, as well as the courage to confront Tobias.

-

“You’re Hazel.”

The older Pokemon smiles, looking wistful. “I haven’t gone by the name Hazel in over a decade. Most know me as Alice nowadays.”

Well, that would explain why no one knew who Hazel was. Nia opens her mouth to say something, ask something, a thousand questions she’d rehearsed bubbling at her lips. Instead, her throat chokes up as tears flood her eyes.

She finally found her. She found Hazel. And now she’s crying again. Nia scrubs at her face, apologizing, only for soft arms to scoop her into a hug, cutting off her words.

“I know it’s scary,” Hazel murmurs, paw stroking soothingly at Nia’s back. “Everything is so new and different, and you hardly know a soul.”

Nia whimpers, squeezing Hazel back and burying her face in the older woman’s soft fur. They stay like that until the kettle starts to shriek. Hazel gently escapes Nia’s hold, moving to smother the fire and pour out two small cups of tea.

Some kind of power (psychic, maybe?) outlines the cups in gold, and then they levitate into the air, catching Nia off-guard. Hazel floats over to the table, drinks following smoothly enough not to spill, and sets one of the cups in front of Nia. The riolu sniffs and wipes away the last of her tears, accepting the tea with a quiet word of thanks and cupping it in her hands. There’s something soothing about its near-painful warmth and faint herbal scent; even watching the drink’s steam rise and curl into the air feels calming.

After a few moments of silence, Hazel speaks up in a hushed voice. “I found myself in the Pokémon world when I was about...oh, 26 years old or so. It must have been around 1980.”

Nia looks up, taken aback. “1980?”

Hazel nods, taking a sip of tea. “Yes. I’ve had the chance to speak with a few others in our situation throughout the years, and it seems time here runs on a scale similar to Earth’s.”

“Yeah,” Nia agrees, doing the mental math and feeling shock numb her ever so slightly. “You’ve been here for...for 40 years?”

“Give or take, yes.”

Hazel says something else, but Nia doesn’t answer. She’s focused on trying to control the tremor in her breathing, the shaking in her fingers, the violent pounding of her heartbeat. 40 years? Last she’d heard humans had only been appearing in the Pokemon world for about 30 years.

How long has this really been happening?

“Did you—did you ever try to go back?” Nia rasps.

Hazel hesitates. “For a year or so, yes. I did try to find out...why I was here. What happened.”

“And?”

“I’m afraid I didn’t find many answers,” Hazel answers, blue eyes flashing gold as she uses the same psychic ability to stir her tea without using her paws. “There were far less cases of our situation back then, and even less Pokémon who actually believed that we were once human. We were left to do most of the searching for answers on our own, and without many resources it’s difficult to find any solid leads.”

Nia’s grip tightens around her tea. “B-But there has to have been some breakthroughs somewhere after so long, right? How did you do your research? Reading? Traveling around to ask other Pokémon? What about those Pokémon who remember their past? The ones who are always former humans? Yuh—Yamask! Surely there’s something that no one has tried yet!”

Nia doesn’t register how desperate she must sound, how close she is to breaking down again, until Hazel doesn’t answer. She looks worried.

“I mean—there have to be answers, right?” Nia asks, consciously quieting her voice. “Somebody has to know how this happened to us. How to fix it.”

Hazel’s face drops into something sympathetic. “You want to go back. To your old life.”

Nia blinks, bewildered. “You don’t?”

Hazel shakes her head. “This is my life now. I have a husband and a daughter. Beautiful grandkids. A successful career and a home. Every morning I sit on the docks and watch the sun rise with a cup of tea and a pastry from the neighbor’s bakery. At this point, I’m more comfortable as a raichu than I would be as a human.”

Nia can’t believe what she’s hearing. Sure, the Pokémon world is wonderful and the people are kind, but...

“Don’t you...don’t you miss your family? Your friends?”

“Of course I do,” Hazel answers, tone slipping into something sharp for the first time. “But that doesn’t change the fact that sometimes you don’t get a choice in the matter.”

Nia flinches, looking down into her tea again.

The raichu’s voice softens. “I created a new life here, instead. I found love, and friendship. Of course I’m not going to forget my old family and friends, but that didn’t mean I had to stop living my life until I found a way back to the human world. And I’m glad I thought that way. I’m happy here.”

Nia knows the words are supposed to be soothing, but instead she’s fighting off a rising wave of panic. Her stomach rolls and there’s a sinking, heavy feeling in her chest that feels like lead. She doesn’t want to start a new life here. She doesn’t remember her family and her friends, not exactly, but the longing in her heart makes her sure that she needs to get back to them. She has to find a way. There has to be a way.

After a few beats of silence, Hazel asks, “Did you lose your memory, coming here?”

Nia blinks back tears and meets Hazel’s eyes, nodding.

“But you have yet to regain it.”

Nia nods again. “I...I know I was human. I remember certain things, l-like technology and some songs, and that I used to play softball. I don’t remember my family or my friends or what happened to bring me here, b-but...” she reaches up to clutch at the fur of her chest, where it feels like she’s tearing in half.

“You know how you feel about them,” Hazel guesses.

The tears finally spill over, so Nia squeezes her eyes shut. “I need to get back to them.”

Hazel is silent as Nia takes a few deep breaths.

“I wish you luck in finding answers,” Hazel finally says, words slow and careful, like she’s trying to find the perfect way to phrase this. “Just...know that they may not be the answers you would like.”

Nia’s not sure what to make of that, so she just takes another deep breath and sips at her tea. It is tasty, if a bit bitter.

“Where are you staying now? Do you have anyone to help you?” Hazel asks.

Nia finally offers a small smile. “Yeah. I’m living at the Lexym Guild, with a meganium named Maggie and my, uh...my Seekers partner, Tobias.”

Hazel tilts her head, frowning. “He didn’t come with you today? It’s quite a walk from the guild.”

“N-No, he did,” Nia answers, shifting uncomfortably as she once again feels the emptiness of Tobias’ absence. “He’s, um...out somewhere in the port.”

“This was an important mission for you, to find me. He didn’t want to be a part of it?”

Nia isn’t sure how to answer that without admitting aloud that Tobias doesn’t care about Nia’s goals at all. Instead, she simply shrugs.

Hazel hums. Then, she slides a paw across the table to gently lay over Nia’s own. “Nia, I’m going to tell you something very important, okay? Look at me.”

Nia does, swallowing hard.

“The Pokémon world is...kinder than the human world, in many ways. But you still have to be careful that Pokémon don’t take advantage of you. Of your lack of knowledge regarding this world. Your fear. Your kindness.”

“What—“

“I could be wrong,” Hazel says, cutting Nia off softly but firmly. “But this Tobias sounds like he isn’t there for you the way partners—and friends—should be.”

Nia feels her ears pin back, betraying the truth of Hazel’s words. “H-He’s had a rough life—“

“Which is unfortunate,” Hazel says, squeezing Nia’s paw. “But that doesn’t excuse his actions. Everyone needs to learn to adapt and grow. With you, he has the chance to become a better Pokémon. And if he decides not to take that opportunity, then it isn’t your job to deal with him. Your feelings are important too.”

Nia’s vision blurs with tears, and she looks down at her cup of tea as it slowly loses its warmth. “You sound like Maggie.”

“If this Maggie agrees, then I’d say you should really consider your current arrangement. It’s easy to take advantage of someone like you. You’re sweet, and you’re lost. Don’t take that.”

Nia sniffs, squeezing the raichu’s soft paw. She already knew this, but hearing it from Hazel, from someone who has been in her exact position...maybe it is finally time to make a change with Tobias.

“It’s your decision, of course,” Hazel says, voice lighter again. She leans back. “Just...think about it. Why don’t you tell me about how your life has been since coming here? How long have you been in this world?”

Nia smiles, relaxing and slowly unraveling the story of the last two weeks of her life. Waking up in the Pokemon world, settling at the guild, choosing a name and meeting everyone, saving Tobias and forming a team with him, training and starting out as Seekers, meeting Hadley and hearing about his old “human” friend...

At the mention of Hadley, Hazel laughs, looking like she wants to be mad but can’t quite manage it. “I haven’t seen that silly old bug in years! Of course he’s the one to rat me out. Always had loose lips, that one. Which is remarkable for someone without actual lips.”

Nia giggles. “Sorry. I’m glad he told me, though, or else I never would have found you.”

“Did he tell you how we met?”

Nia shakes her head, leaning forward in her seat.

“Well, I’d fallen terribly ill while on the road in my early years. When I went to a doctor, they were shocked to find that I had a developed a form of the common cold.”

“One of the medics at the guild mentioned something about that,” Nia says. “They said if I got sick, it could be, uh. Serious.”

Hazel hums a thoughtful sound. “I don’t remember much about that week or so I was sick, but doctors did seem rather...cautious. About telling me whether I’d pull through or not. Looks like I brushed by death’s door a bit closer than I thought.”

Nia’s fur prickles at the casual way she mentions it. “Y-You aren’t scared that you’ll get sick like that again?”

“No, not really. I did have a few more bouts of illness throughout my life, but nothing that I couldn’t pull through. Nowadays, I’m fairly sure I’ve been through most common ailments, having had children and all. They’re germ magnets!”

Nia cracks a small smile.

“Still, that does remind me,” Hazel says, focusing back on the riolu. “The first time you start feeling ill, do go ahead and check in with one of the medical Pokémon at the guild, all right? Your symptoms might come on weak, but don’t take any chances.”

The riolu swallows hard and nods. Hazel said when she got sick, not if. The raichu seems sure that it’ll happen eventually, and Nia would be lying if she said that didn’t send a bolt of fear into her heart. She doesn’t want to die, and especially not here, sick and without her family.

“I met Hadley when I was recovering in hospice,” Hazel continues. “He’s always been a reckless thing, and he’d chipped his shell in a fight with a golem, of all things. He lost, of course, but he didn’t want to tell me that.”

Nia tries to relax again as Hazel dives deeper into her story. Soon enough, they’re both laughing, and moving on to talking about the oddities of the Pokémon world, of how strange it was to wake up with tails and ears and superpowers. Apparently, Hazel had arrived as a pikachu, like her daughter Margot is now, and had decided to evolve later on in life. She explains that the levitation abilities of alolan raichu help a lot with larger wood carvings, when she has to work on areas much higher than she can reach on foot.

“So evolution didn’t...hurt, or anything?” Nia asks at one point. “It still sounds so weird to me.”

Hazel nods understandingly. “It is odd, no doubt. But no, it didn’t hurt. It was...a bit strange, feeling my body shift and change in the span of a few seconds. But I certainly don’t regret it. It’s quite sad, really, that evolution doesn’t seem to be working anymore. An upsetting development, to be sure.”

“H-How long has that been going on, anyways?” Nia asks. She’d been meaning to bring this question up with Maggie for days now.

Hazel stirs at her cold tea. “Oh goodness...maybe the last ten years or so? It’s fairly recent.”

“And no one knows what’s causing it?”

Hazel sighs. “Well, we’re certainly getting the share of the blame. Has anyone warned you about that yet?”

Nia nods. “Y-Yeah. Everyone at the Haven is really nice, but August and Maggie said I should be more cautious about revealing that I’m human when we travel farther away. Why are we getting blamed?”

Hazel shakes her head, looking bitter. “When a problem rises up that no one knows how to fix, it makes it easier on folks if they can blame someone else for it. The animosity has only gotten worse as time goes on and more things change. Being unable to evolve has changed the lives of a lot of Pokémon, and not for the better. I shudder to think about all of the poor cocoon Pokémon who got caught in their middle stage and are trapped there.”

Nia frowns. That’s such a strange thing to happen so suddenly, presumably after never happening before in the history of this world. “What did everyone say, right after it happened?”

“Oh, they were sure the world was ending. That Arceus herself was forsaking them. But then nothing else drastic happened immediately after, the days carried on, and eventually Pokémon grudgingly adapted.”

“Are any Pokémon still looking into it?” Nia asks, feeling her curiosity rise and her itch to research resurface.

“Oh yes, the last I heard it was still a hot topic, particularly in the bigger cities. Around here, Pokémon are content to make due.”

Nia thinks about the evolution that she would have available if she could evolve. A...lucario, she thinks it was? Similar to her current form, but bigger. Taller. She remembers reading that Tobias would eventually become a much larger creature, though, a dragon with wings and everything. It’s difficult to imagine the little charmander going through such a huge growth spurt.

After a moment of thoughtful quiet between them, Hazel lightens the mood by launching into another story from when she’d first arrived in the Pokémon world. Apparently when she’d first woken up, she’d screamed and accidentally electrocuted a kind but terrifying-looking Pokémon who was just trying to help her out. Nia listens and strokes the rim of her cup, smiling warmly at the old raichu. She has such an obvious grandmotherly air about her—even more so than Maggie.

At the end of her story, Hazel suddenly sits up. “You know, that reminds me of something I saw last week. There’s a Pokémon who’s trying to gather former humans for a meeting sometime soon. Some sort of club, I suppose?”

Nia’s ears perk up. “Really?”

Hazel nods. “I’m comfortable as a Pokémon now, so I dismissed it. It seemed like a load of hullabaloo to me! But maybe you would want to look into it? They would likely know more than I would about how the research on this phenomenon is going.”

“Y-Yeah, absolutely! Do you know where I could find out more about it?”

“I believe there was a flyer up in the bazaar near the waterfall, on one of the bulletin boards.”

Nia jots that down in her mind, beaming. “Thank you so much, Hazel! Oh man, I’ll check that out as soon as I leave.”

Hazel chuckles again. “Why don’t you go on ahead? If you don’t have anything else to ask me, that is. You look ready to jump out of your seat.”

Nia laughs, embarrassed. “Sorry. I’m excited.”

Hazel shifts, sitting heavily onto her tail before rising into a float. She collects the two cups from the table and sets them down in the kitchen area. “It’s fine. Come along then.”

Nia moves to follow the raichu out into the shop. She casts a quick glance up at the loft, but it’s quiet. Margot and her boys must already be asleep. When the two of them reach the front door, the raichu turns to her with a smile.

“You take care, all right? Smack some sense into that partner of yours or tell him to hit the road.”

Nia laughs, nodding. “I’ll do my best.”

Hazel leans in, taking Nia’s hands in her own and dropping her voice to a whisper. “And if things don’t turn out how you want, just remember that there’s always a silver lining. You’ll reach happiness, one way or another.”

Nia’s breath catches. Fear and denial roll in her gut (she will find a way home, she will), but she knows the raichu only means well. So she offers a shaky smile. “R-Right.”

“Thank you for the talk. Come back and visit this old girl if you’re ever in the area. It’s nice to have another human around.”

Nia nods. She is right about that. “Absolutely. Thank you so much for talking with me.”

“Of course.” And with that, Hazel pulls her into another hug. Nia hugs her back, squeezing hard and breathing in the scent of her short fur. She’s only known her for a couple of hours, but she already knows she’s going to miss her.

“C-Can I write you sometime?”

“Please do,” Hazel says, pulling back and patting the riolu’s cheek. “I would love that.”

“I’ll send you a letter as soon as I figure out how the mailing system works.”

Hazel laughs, playfully pushing Nia out the front door and into warm night air. “Go on, get out of here! And good luck. Remember what I said.”

Nia nods and gives the raichu one more wave before turning to join the Pokémon still milling about on the boardwalk. She’d passed the bazaar earlier in the day, when she was searching for Hazel. It’s...to the right? She thinks. She supposes she could just follow the sound of the waterfall, too.

As Nia makes her way through the port town, faintly lit by the fat moon overhead and the light spilling out from homes and shops, she keeps an eye out for Tobias’ tail flame. As much as Nia hates conflict, Hazel is right. She needs to have a talk with the charmander about their partnership. She can’t keep sacrificing her emotions and her own goals just because Tobias insists on keeping up such a bitter attitude and shoving her away at every opportunity.

Nia finally finds the giant bulletin boards in the bazaar, sitting in front of shops and between closed market booths. Wait. Dang it, she can’t read anything at this time of night! Great. If only a certain fire type were here. A small growl of frustration slips from her throat. She doesn’t have anything that can make light, right?

Oh! Wait, maybe..? Nia hesitates, glancing around. Would she even be able to do it here, already so worked up and exhausted from the day? She supposes she doesn’t have much of a choice but to try. She closes her eyes, feeling the tear-drop appendages framing her face rise as she searches for that fire at the core of her being. Her aura. After a moment she finds it, burning strong and bright. She stokes it with thoughts of her family, of Maggie, of Xander and Andyn, of Hazel...and she feels it grow. Satisfied, she directs it towards her hand with a little nudge, focuses it in her palm, imagines the light cradled there...

Nia cracks open her eyes, grinning with delight to see the cyan of her aura condensed into a tiny flame. It casts a faint blue glow over her and the flyers, and she hurriedly starts skimming the papers for anything about humans. She scans the board once, twice, feeding more energy into her palm and feeling it start to strain her as the seconds tick by.

“C’mon, c’mon,” she mumbles, picking up the pace as she frantically scans flyer after flyer. She eventually abandons the board and runs to the second one nearby. Hazel said it was only like a week ago, right? It has to still be here. What if it’s buried beneath other papers? What if—

Nia’s gaze snaps back to a particular flyer as she catches sight of the word ‘human.’ There are a few of the flyers nailed to the wood, so Nia snatches one, dimming her aura and skimming through it.

The Will of the Humans Movement

Are you a human who suddenly ended up in the Pokémon world? Looking for answers, a network of others that understand you, a place to talk about your past and the human world? Come join us in one of the largest cities in the land! We’ll be having a conference in the city of Ghatha on the first day of the fall season. Food will be provided, as well as resources for finding your way in the Pokémon world until you can be returned to your human life.

Nia takes a deep, shuddering breath, killing off her aura and laughing to herself. She’s incredibly relieved that this sort of idea even exists, that this group sounds so confident about being able to return her to the human world, but she can’t help laughing at the very human-like advertising method. It almost sounds like a college club flyer, or a support group. These guys are the real deal, all right. And it says the first week of fall? If she recalls correctly, it’s nearing the end of summer right now, so that can’t be very far away at all!

Nia folds up the flyer and carefully tucks it away into her satchel. Then she sets off again, wondering how she’ll find Tobias. It’s a warm night, but he probably would have gone inside by now, right? Nia knows she passed one or two larger buildings that advertised themselves as inns. Or maybe he’s still at one of the restaurants? He did seem really excited to eat here.

Just in case, Nia peeks into the restaurants she passes on her way towards the inns, scanning the small crowds inside and feeling her belly start to rumble at all of the delicious scents. Finally, she pokes her head into a restaurant with savory, smoky scents pouring from the kitchen area. In the dim lighting, a familiar tail light and red scarf catch her eye. Tobias!

The charmander looks relaxed, slouched into a seat, empty plate in front of him as he picks at his teeth. Nia hurries over to him, taking the seat across from him and making him jump.

“Sorry,” Nia says, smiling. “Good meal?”

Tobias sits up. “Yeah, definitely. Worth the trip for this alone.”

A silence falls between them, and Nia feels her happy expression slowly drop. She doesn’t know why she expected it from Tobias, but...he didn’t even ask if she’d succeeded in her search for Hazel. Didn’t even mention how his supposed “search” went.

“So I was thinking of just using the inn two doors down for the night, and then heading back a bit after dawn tomorrow.”

Nia nods. “Uh, sure. But, um. Can we talk first?”

Tobias stops cleaning his teeth, giving Nia a suspicious look. “What about?”

“It’s...kind of important. To me. Please?”

Tobias heaves an annoyed sigh, but this time Nia doesn’t wince away. In fact, she feels her anger and frustration only grow stronger.

“Fine,” he says. “Shoot.”

Nia glances at the owners of the restaurant, adorable blue and white otter Pokémon with seashells on their chests, chatting amicably at the entrance to the kitchen. A purple bulldog Pokemon with huge fangs sips quietly at a bowl of soup nearby. The atmosphere is peaceful. She doesn’t want to shatter that with a potential argument.

“Not here,” Nia says, meeting Tobias’ annoyed gaze. “How about down on the docks?”

“Seriously? Why?”

Nia bites back an exasperated sigh. “Just trust me on this. Please?”

There’s a beat of silence, and then Tobias grunts a quiet, “Fine. Let’s go, I already paid.”

Nia nods, and the two head out. Tobias falls back to let her take the lead, and she guides them to one of the staircases, down to an open dock over the water. As they walk, Nia feels herself grow more and more nervous. Her stomach feels tight and nauseous. Maybe this can wait? Maybe she should keep the peace this far from home. She could always just talk to him about this tomorrow.

Hazel’s serious expression flashes through her mind. No. The raichu was right. She needs to put this out there right now, before she loses her nerve. The two of them reach the end of the dock, and Tobias crosses his arms, shuffling away from the edge.

Nia swallows, mouth opening and closing as she tries to figure out how to begin. “W-Well, I wanted to talk about, uh, our team.”

That at least seems to pique the charmander’s interest.

“I-It’s just...I was wondering if you could m-maybe try being, uh...a little nicer?” That’s it, Nia. Nice and stern. God, she’s such a pushover.

Tobias blinks, snorting. “What? Is that seriously why you dragged me out here?”

Nia cringes. “I mean, yeah! I...I-It’s just that you don’t ever want to talk, and you don’t seem to really care about w-what I want, and we’re partners and all, so—“

“We’ve been through this before,” Tobias interrupts. “I’m not nice. And we’re partners, not friends.”

“I know that!” Nia says, voice sharp. Tobias straightens up, anger flashing across his features. “I know that, but there’s a difference between being partners and being whatever we are! We should care about each other, have each other’s’ backs! Actually talk to each other! But every time I try to start a civil conversation you just say something cruel or don’t even answer me!”

“Look, you aren’t special,” Tobias growls, stepping closer with a snarl curling at his lip. “I treat you like I treat everybody else—better even, and—“

“And that’s what I mean!” Nia says, voice edging on a shout. “You treat everyone like dirt! Even Maggie half the time, and she’s been nothing but kind to you your whole life!”

Tobias actually winces at that, but the shame on his face only seems to fuel his anger. Even his tail flame flickers brighter. “Look, I signed up to be Seeker partners with you, nothing more. It doesn’t say anything in the contract about me being nice. You knew how I was before you asked me to form a team with you.”

Nia feels angry tears prick at her eyes, and she throws her arms out in a bewildered sort of gesture. “Okay, fine, I did! Maybe I thought that somehow I could change you, be your friend and help you open up. I know you can be kind, Tobias, I’ve seen it with Maggie and the kids—you can be nice, you just choose not to!”

Tobias huffs, smoke pluming from between his teeth. “That sounds like a mistake on your part.”

“Maybe it was,” Nia admits. “But I don’t think it’s wrong to expect that my partner would have the basic decency to care about me and my goals a little instead of only focusing on himself.”

Tobias opens his mouth to respond, but Nia beats him to it.

“I know you didn’t go looking for Hazel like you said you would. You didn’t even ask about my search or if I found her when I finally tracked you down! You didn’t do a single thing to support me even though you knew how important this was to me!”

“I’ve been nothing but kind to you,” Nia goes on, ignoring the way her voice breaks as she steps forward, feeling a thrill of satisfaction when Tobias steps back. “I’ve kept your secrets, lied to protect you, tried to befriend you so you’d have someone to talk to...I’ve tried so hard to be a good person and bring out the best in you.”

“I didn’t ask for that,” Tobias protests weakly.

“You shouldn’t have to! We’re partners! We should be on each other’s team, not two separate ones. And I shouldn’t have to ask you for the simple courtesy of respecting me and not being a—a total jerk!”

“I protect you in dungeons!” Tobias snaps back. “I share the money we get! What more do you want?! Where is all of this even coming from?”

Nia makes a frustrated noise. “Tobias, we’ve only been partners for two weeks and already I’ve reached the end of my patience! This isn’t a sudden thing! How did you not see this coming?”

“How am I supposed to know if something’s wrong if you don’t tell me?”

“Maybe by paying a little attention! All I’m asking is that you try to care a little bit!”

“And if I refuse?”

Nia tries to take a cue from Margot, straightening up and changing her expression into something harsh and unmovable. “Then I’m leaving the team.”

Finally, Tobias’ mask of anger melts away, leaving only horrified shock behind. “W-What? You can’t—you need to gather information, and—”

Nia crosses her arms. “We both know you’re the only one who would be struggling to find a new team, Tobias. I’d be fine.”

The charmander’s expression closes off, cold and distant. “...And to get you to stay?”

Nia doesn’t answer for a few moments, thinking and enjoying the way her piercing gaze seems to make Tobias squirm with unease. “I would need you to try to be kind. To be an actual partner. Care about me and what I want, the way that I’ve been doing for you. Actually talk to me. Trust me.”

“Trust you? You’re blackmailing me.”

Nia fights back a new surge of anger, sighing. “Tobias, this isn’t blackmail. This is a second chance.”

The charmander doesn’t answer that, and the two of them stand locked in a tense silence.

“So that’s all? I just need to be nice to you?”

“I need you to try to be kind,” Nia corrects. “There’s a big difference. Sucking up to me or faking a personality isn’t going to cut it. You don’t need to be sweet and bring me breakfast in bed. I’m just asking that you stop treating me like the enemy. Like someone whose wants are lesser than yours.”

Tobias is silent, flexing his claws as he stares out at the water with fury in his gaze. Eventually, he says, “Did Hazel put you up to this?”

Nia barks a short, humorless laugh. “You’d know if she had if you’d actually gone with me, wouldn’t you? I’ve been feeling like this for a while, Tobias. Maybe if you paid attention to someone but yourself you would have noticed.”

Tobias growls at that, a few embers fluttering from his breath, bright in the darkness.

“You don’t need to decide now,” Nia says, feeling her anger start to drain in favor of exhaustion. “I want you to be serious about your answer, either way. This is a dealbreaker for me.”

Tobias glares at her for a moment more. Then he snarls something under his breath and storms past her, back towards the staircase to the shops and inn. Nia watches him go, and doesn’t relax until the charmander’s bobbing tail flame disappears completely in the darkness. Then she sinks to the ground, cradling her head in her hands. That was...more intense than she’d been expecting. But she also got her point across. She thinks.

She sits there for a while longer as the moon climbs high into the sky. Eventually, she rises to her feet, taking shaky steps back towards the buildings of Afon’s Cap. She’s definitely not going to go sleep in the same inn as Tobias after that. She considers returning to Hazel’s to ask to stay the night, but she really doesn’t want to bother the little family when they’re likely all asleep by now.

Instead, Nia picks a different inn than the one Tobias had suggested earlier. What tomorrow brings for her and her team she doesn’t know, but when she flops down into a pre-made nest, she feels...light. Relieved to finally have that off her chest, to finally have a resolution between her and Tobias one way or another.

Nia is done being the charmander’s doormat. 

[wonderwomanfantasy]

Sweetheart Suga

when I took a break in the summer it was for uhm similar reasons so this was good for me too

Sugawara x Reader

warnings: thoughts of suicide and self-harm, depression, angst, 

word count: 1,100 (about)

summary: Sugawara is the best boyfriend you could ask for, he is always there for you when you need him and sometimes when you think you don't.

Sugawara could always tell when something was up with you, he was your boyfriend it was practically his job to know what was going on in that pretty little head of yours. You had been pulling away from him recently not talking to him all day or responding to any of his texts, which was concerning enough honestly. But when you did talk to him you were always short and disconnected from the conversation, like. How you got when you were tired and just about to tell him good night.

Suga was your biggest confidant, he knew everything about your mental illness and well past. His only worry was that you’d stopped trusting him somewhere along the way. 

“Can we talk?” Suga asked as the two of you walked home in silence, you looked up at your ray of sunshine boyfriend and nodded. You could never say no to him when he looked at you with those soft gray puppy dog eyes. 

“Are you feeling okay baby? I want you to talk to me when you have a problem,” he said rather bluntly. You blinked at him before averting your gaze.

“I know,” you muttered weakly, Suga had made it clear that he had no problem talking to you about your issues but still, you couldn’t help but feel like he was doing it out of obligation. Like he was your boyfriend so he had to care. It was hard to confide in him with that mindset 

“So?” he prodded

“So… what?” you asked confused. 

“So what do you want to talk about?” he repeated you sighed and shifted uncomfortably.

“I’m fine Koshi it’s just-”

“Just?” he prodded. 

“I've been thinking about hurting myself again,” you squeaked, “I haven’t! But just having thoughts,” you explained quickly. You really were getting better, but those dark thoughts about hurting and killing yourself were out of your control. No matter how much you wanted to stop them you just couldn’t. 

“What brought this on baby?” he asked softly cupping your cheek, running your thumb over your temple. 

“Me and some of my friends had a fight and now they won’t talk to me at all, it was so stupid but they were just so mean and now they hate me, I hate me,” you spat, rubbing your eyes with the back of your hands.

“Don’t say that baby, I’m sure they don’t hate you, and I know you don’t hate yourself, not really at least,” Suga soothed before kissing the crown of your head. 

“Friends fight all the time, I’m sure you’ll make up with them,”

“What if we don’t?” you sniffled. Suga paused for a moment, thinking.

“Fuck em then, if they don’t know how wonderful you are, and they don’t know how worth you are keeping in their life and they let some petty little fight end it all, they don’t deserve you as a friend,” he said. You cried a little more and shook in his arms. 

Suga walked home with you, and when you asked him to come in with you he followed you in like there was no other option. He wrapped you in a blanket and pulled you out onto his lap on the couch. He held your face in both of his large hands and peppered your face with feather-light kisses. On your cheeks, nose and forehead. 

“Do you want to watch a movie or just cuddle?” he asked you nuzzled your face into his chest, breathing in his cologne a familiar and comforting scent. 

“Movie please,” you decided, even though you fully planned on staying with your face planted in his chest. You liked watching movies with Suga, even if he was the only one watching. Koshi would talk through just about anything and you enjoyed feeling the rumble of his voice as he talked and joked. 

“Lady and the tramp it is,” he said, starting the movie. “Lady and Tramp are a lot like us you know that?”

“How so,”

“Obviously, I am the wild and good-looking tramp who introduces the prim and adorable Lady to wildlife on the streets- or volleyball I guess. Volleyball is a lot like being a mutt I think, maybe I’m losing this metaphor a little bit,” 

you laughed against his chest. “You could have just said spaghetti date nights and I would have accepted it,”

“That too, come on don’t you think I’m a little like Tramp? Rouge yet devastatingly attractive to all the ladies?” 

“You’re the tamest person I know,”

“I can be wild!” 

“Mmm is that so?” you asked

“Is too so,” he defended. 

“Then why are you always the one to go and stop Tanaka and Nishinoya when they get into trouble?” he started to speak but then shut his mouth Frimley making you laugh again. 

“Baby that’s different, if I don't stop them Daichi will and Daichi will kill them,” he whined, only making you laugh harder. 

“Princess just tell me I’m dangerous and sexy please,” he whined dropping his chin to the top of your head. 

“Of course you are baby, I love you,” you cooed in between giggles. You leaned up quickly and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. 

“I love you too, now quit laughing at me or I’ll really give 

[reinerispretty]

reminiscence (? x f!reader) pt2

thank you so much for all of the positive feedback on the last chapter!! i’m super happy you guys enjoyed it :) just for some clarification, the reason i made who the reader will end up with a mystery is bc since she has amnesia, i thought it would be fun if we all found out together hehe :) enjoy this next chapter!!

pt1 

pt3

“Thank you,” The woman said, hunched over as she caught her breath. When she stood, Bolin got a good look at her face. She wasn’t a woman at all: she was a girl, probably the same age as him. “I thought I had an agreement with the Triads to leave me alone, but that guy must not have gotten the memo.”

Bolin let out a laugh. “You have an agreement with the Triads?” The girl furrowed her brows and pouted.

“Gotta keep myself safe somehow.”

“Who was that?” (Y/N) asked as Kya and Korra rifled through dressers and chests to find Air Nomad clothes that would fit her. Kya gave Korra a sharp look before the girl could answer.

“That was Bolin,” Korra replied cautiously. “He’s Mako’s brother.”

“Oh,” (Y/N) said. “He looked really nice. Did he know me too?”

“Um, yeah, I think so,” Korra said and Kya glared at her. “What? Am I just supposed to lie to her if she asks?”

“I appreciate the honesty,” (Y/N) admitted. “I would really rather no one tiptoe around the past.”

“If you receive too much information at once, or someone tells you something too painful, it could harm your chances of ever getting your memory back,” Kya said as she handed (Y/N) an Air Nomad dress.

“So everyone is just supposed to pretend that they’re fine with me? That hardly seems fair.” (Y/N) gave Korra a pointed look. “I know you know something that I don’t and that’s why you’re a little stand-offish toward me.”

“You’re not wrong.”

“Tell me, please? I’ll be okay. I need to know what kind of person I was.”

“Not today,” Kya interrupted. “You need rest. Lots of it. You’ve been going since you woke up.”

Now that she mentioned it, (Y/N) did feel rather exhausted. She stifled a yawn. “I’ll lead you to your room,” Kya said. “Since Korra can’t be trusted to not tell you everything.”

(Y/N) stood as Kya grabbed her by the arm again. “It was nice meeting you, Korra, even if it wasn’t nice meeting me.” Korra didn’t reply. She just watched as the girl padded down the hall.

The room (Y/N) was given was bare. It held a desk, a dresser, and a bed. The window looked out onto the courtyard below. She could see the people down there, undoubtedly talking about her, and she reached her fingers up to open the window. She paused, thinking on Kya’s words. If she found out too much about herself too soon, she would risk the chance of losing her memories forever. She let her hand fall to her side.

Everyone down there knew who she was. Maybe they knew her likes, her dislikes, or even her birthday. She wondered if at one point they had been friends.

Her experience with Mako had definitely put a sour taste in her mouth. He had said she wasn’t a good person. Was she mean? Evil, even? What made her that way? What did she do to him that was so awful?

And then there was Bolin. Mako had mentioned his name earlier, when she had arrived on his doorstep. “Bolin’s not here,” He had said. Why would it matter whether or not Bolin was there? She sighed as she looked down at the boy dressed in green. What did he know about her?

(Y/N) felt the familiar stinging at the backs of her eyes that alerted her to tears. Since she was alone, she let them fall freely. She moved away from the window and to the bed, her body shaking as she cried. She felt so alone. How was she supposed to cope with something like this? She was completely lost on the inside and it seemed like the only people who knew her didn’t want her around.

She didn’t bother wiping her tears away. They fell too quickly for her to catch them all. She wondered if she had ever had someone that would wipe her tears away. She got under the covers and prayed that sleep would come to her soon.

---

Two years ago, Bolin had been walking down the streets of Republic City. It was a warm night, signaling the start of summer, so he wore his jacket slung over his shoulder. The streetlights shone against the puddles on the asphalt. It had rained earlier that day.

He and Mako had gotten in a fight over money again. It was stupid, really, but sometimes Bolin was just so sick of Mako treating him like he was incapable. He had slammed the door as he left their shared apartment and marched into the street, walking with no destination. He was far away from home now. He could tell he had been walking for a while because the neon lights of the shops had already shut off. Republic City was beginning to quiet.

He made a right onto a dimly lit street and noticed a female figure walking ahead of him. Bolin decided to stop. He knew sometimes it freaked women out if men walked behind them, even if there was no ill-intent behind it, so he leaned his back against the cool brick of the building and waited until she had rounded the corner to start walking again. That was when he heard the scream.

Out of pure instinct, Bolin started running toward the sound, his jacket billowing behind him. He skidded around the corner, watching as the woman he had seen struggled against a member of the Triple Threat Triad. He and Mako had done some work for them in the past, but he didn’t recognize the man. He was large, towering over the woman and probably Bolin too. He had his hands around the woman’s wrists and was trying to lead her into the dark alley beside them. “Hey!” Bolin called out. “Let her go!”

The man stopped, a sinister smile creeping its way onto his features. “This doesn’t concern you, kid.”

Bolin wracked his brain for a clever reply, but when he couldn’t find one, he resorted to his next best option. He stomped against the ground, causing small boulders to pummel the man. He let go of the woman’s wrists and she ran over to Bolin.

The man let out a roar, jumping into the air and sending a slice of firebending at the two of them. They screamed and Bolin grabbed her hand, running back down the street and taking the back alley ways he knew so well.

“My place is the other way!” She shouted at him.

“I don’t think you wanna take him to where you live!” Bolin shouted back. They made a sharp right turn onto one of the busier streets in Republic City. Bolin stopped, using his head start to earthbend the ground up, completely blocking the man from following them. They dashed into the crowd then, Bolin’s grip still tight on the woman’s hand, until he was sure they were safe to stop.

“Thank you,” The woman said, hunched over as she caught her breath. When she stood, Bolin got a good look at her face. She wasn’t a woman at all: she was a girl, probably the same age as him. “I thought I had an agreement with the Triads to leave me alone, but that guy must not have gotten the memo.”

Bolin let out a laugh. “You have an agreement with the Triads?” The girl furrowed her brows and pouted.

“Gotta keep myself safe somehow,” She said. She looked down at her hands and sighed sadly. “When he grabbed me, he made me drop my dinner.”

“Oh no!” Bolin exclaimed. “Come with me, I know a place!”

“Thanks,” She said, “But I don’t have any money on me.”

“Let me buy you dinner!” The words came out before he could stop them, and he knew Mako would be so mad if he found out, but he couldn’t help himself. The girl raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t think it’s fair to make you pay for my dinner after you just saved my life,” She said with a laugh. Bolin smiled at the sound.

“How about this: you can repay me for saving your life by accompanying me to dinner. And if I—hypothetically—ordered too much food and couldn’t possibly let it go to waste so you’d have to eat it…then I think that’s fair!”

The girl smiled up at him. “Then I guess, hypothetically, I’d have to say yes.”

Bolin grinned and began walking in the direction of the restaurant, then paused. “Just to be clear, you are coming to dinner with me, right?” The girl laughed again and nodded.

They slid into the booth of Bolin’s favorite twenty-four-hour noodle shop. “They’ve got everything,” Bolin explained as they poured over the menu together. “Ramen, pho, pad thai…you name it, they have it.”

The girl hummed. “Think they have sea prunes?” Bolin’s face contorted into disgust. “I’m kidding! I hate sea prunes.” She picked up her menu, biting her lip as she looked at its contents. “Do you like soup dumplings?”

“Like soup dumplings?” Bolin asked. “I love them! They’re my favorite!”

“Mine too!”

“We’ll get a double order then,” Bolin decided. He went up to the counter and ordered their food. When he returned, he leaned his elbows onto the table. “So, what should I call you?”

“You mean besides the girl you just rescued? (Y/N) will do.”

“(Y/N),” Bolin repeated. He liked how it felt in his mouth. “Nice to meet you, (Y/N). I’m Bolin.”

---

“Bolin.” The boy snapped out of his thoughts, looking up at his older brother. They had returned home only a few hours ago and the sun was starting to come up. He could feel its warm rays cascading through his windows and onto his skin. “You need to go to bed,” Mako ordered.

“How can I possibly go to bed?” Bolin groaned, flopping sideways onto the couch. Pabu hopped up and curled himself into Bolin’s side.

“Easy,” Mako said. “You close your eyes and then you’re asleep.”

“Every time I try to close my eyes, I think of how (Y/N’s) on Air Temple Island and she has no idea who she is or who we are.”

“Try not to care about it, alright?” Mako poured himself a cup of tea. He had work in just a few hours. His under eyes were dark with exhaustion but as long as Bolin was awake, he’d remain awake. “We’ll figure it out and get her memories back and then she’ll go back to whatever she was doing when she left Republic City.”

Bolin chewed on his bottom lip. He had a feeling there was more to the story. The cogs in his head were turning tirelessly. He sat up, disturbing Pabu, and turned to Mako. “What if-“

“No, Bolin, you’re not gonna do that.”

“Do what?”

“Try to make excuses for everything that happened because she has amnesia.”

“But what if there’s something bigger?” Bolin asked. “She’s been gone for months and says she woke up a week ago without her memory. What happened in that time?”

“We’ll find out soon enough. They’re gonna have her do some meditating tomorrow to try to bring some of her memories back.” Mako sat beside Bolin on the couch.

“I should go back,” Bolin started to stand up. “I need to talk to her.”

“Bolin, no.” His brother pulled him back down. “You heard Kya. She can’t find out too much or she risks losing everything. While she’s focusing on getting her memories back, you need to focus on what you know: she broke your heart, little bro. She definitely didn’t have amnesia then.”

Bolin’s eager appearance deflated completely. He knew his brother was right but there was still a part of him that wanted to go see her. Maybe if Bolin told her about her past, then it would be okay. They’d had the strongest connection out of all of them.

---

That morning, (Y/N) sat between Korra and Tenzin in a gazebo. Her legs were crossed, her arms were loose in her lap, and she inhaled deep breaths to try to connect to any of her lost memories. All that she got was a whole lot of nothing. She peeked her eye open to look at Korra, who was blatantly staring at her.

“Keep your eyes closed!” Korra snapped.

“Your eyes were open!” (Y/N) argued.

“No one’s eyes should be open!” Tenzin grumbled decisively. The two girls sighed and returned to their previous states. (Y/N) inhaled another deep breath and tried to do what Tenzin had told her. She recounted the first memory she had: waking up and gasping for air, the night sky high above her. She could feel the grass that surrounded her. Once she had gained her bearings, she took in her surroundings. A small fishing village sat at the bottom of the mountain she had laid on. She got to her feet, legs wobbling, and looked at herself. Her coat was covered in spots of dirt. She reached into its pockets and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. The writing on it was scribbled and quick, written with haste, and was obviously an address.

(Y/N’s) eyes popped back open. She didn’t notice anything different this time around. There hadn’t been anyone at her side. The first people she had interacted with had been the people in the village. They had asked her name and (Y/N) had started panicking when she couldn’t remember it. She didn’t want to delve too deep into that memory. She could still feel the pain and anxiety in it.

She buried her face in her hands. “I can’t remember anything! I’ve been trying for the past two hours and all I can see is the same memory I’ve been going over for the past week.” She felt the stinging behind her ears again, but took a breath to halt it. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to get so frustrated. I just don’t know anything and I know you guys do and trust me, I understand why you don’t want to tell me, but it stinks not knowing anything other than my name and that I’m a bad person.”

Korra frowned sadly at the girl. She knew what it was like, to be judged before she got the chance to redeem herself. While she had heard some pretty bad stories about (Y/N) from Mako, she also recognized that he was biased. Especially when it came to Bolin.

“How about we go into the city and get some lunch?” Korra asked. (Y/N) looked up at her gratefully.

“I don’t know if that’s the wisest idea,” Tenzin’s deep voice rumbled.

“Relax, Tenzin. We won’t talk about her life. She needs something normal right now.” Reluctantly, the man conceded.

Korra helped (Y/N) to her feet and whistled for Naga. The polar bear dog bounded toward them, her tail wagging excitedly. “(Y/N),” Korra said. “Meet Naga.”

The polar bear dog gave (Y/N) a huge lick on the side of her face. She giggled, rubbing behind Naga’s ears. “It’s so nice to meet you!” (Y/N) squealed. “I wish I had a pet just like you!”

“She’s kind of the best,” Korra admitted as she hopped onto Naga’s back. She pulled (Y/N) up to sit behind her.

“I don’t doubt it!” With a whip of her reigns, they burst into a run toward Republic City. (Y/N) couldn’t contain her laughter as they sped toward the water. She didn’t realize that they’d be traveling by sea until Naga dove headfirst into the icy water. (Y/N) closed her eyes tightly, gripping onto Korra’s back. The Avatar laughed.

“You can open your eyes now,” She called back to her. Slowly, (Y/N) relaxed and looked around. They traveled under the water in a giant bubble. Korra’s arms moved in flowing movements in front of her.

“You’re waterbending!” (Y/N) exclaimed.

“The Avatar is the master of the four elements,” Korra explained. “I’ve been training my whole life.”

“All four?” (Y/N) let out a gasp. “That’s so cool! I wonder if I was ever a bender.” Korra looked back at (Y/N) for a moment.

“You weren’t,” She said, her eyes kind as she stared at (Y/N). Although a little disappointed that she couldn’t bend, (Y/N) was grateful for Korra’s honesty.

“Thank you,” She said, a soft smile on her lips.

---

Tag List! 

@beifongsss , @realimbo , @lavendercrystals , @tomshollandz , @zukosvice , @itsivyberry , @awesomelupe , @musicalkeys , @aroyaldarknessblr , @ilovespideyyy , @zukostan221 , @nataliahaslosthershit , @dailytrashypanda , @marvel-ing-at-it-all , @astralsaf , @ryleyrooroo , @yuhaino , @hotgirlazula , @thefandomimagines , 

[chuuyasnumber1simp]

All I Ever Wanted- Karma x shy! Reader

ask: Heyyy can you do a oneshot with an karma x shy! Reader please 

@anime-allover 

a/n: hello! thank you for being my first request! this was fun to write, I had a lot of fun with it, as someone who was labeled ‘shy’ for most of my childhood, I think I got a lil carried away hehe

sorry this is so long! it's more like a mini fic now :/

if this isn’t what you had in mind or want something shorter let me know!

Warnings: A bit of violence at the end, like two curse words 

also, this is highkey inspired by the song “Me and My Husband” by Mitski Mitski

People were often confused by your attitude.

Much to their confusion, you didn’t hate people- others often thought you did.

No, you hated the thought of all the stares, all the eye’s on you.

The thought of all those people judging your every movement, you’re very being, that's what scared you.

You never wanted to downplay your emotions, but the thought of being disliked for who you were was terrifying.

Whenever you entered a room, your skin would crawl with how the people there seemed to size you up, like lions looking for a meal. Unfortunately, you were the poor gazelle.

By no means were you helpless. No, you were far from it. It was simply a matter of finding someone who would accept you for who you were, for all your quirks and flaws.

The search for that person was what put you in the dreaded class 3-E in the first place.

Unable to click with anyone in your class, you became discouraged, causing your grades to slip. Going to a class where nobody liked you made you nauseous, and that was your breaking point.

So here you were. Three months into the first semester and you already dropped this low. You couldn’t even muster up the courage to go to the mandatory meeting where the teachers were supposed to brief you on your life in this class. You didn’t see the point of going to a meeting where all they would do was berate you for falling behind, so you simply did not attend.

That was your first mistake.

Mentally preparing for seeing all eyes on you, you opened the door.

You had prepared for a classroom full of kids staring at you.

You hadn’t however, prepared for a yellow octopus looking thing to look at you as well.

“Good morning Y/N! Welcome to Class 3-E, I am your new teacher Koro-sensei!”

Oh my god, it talks why is it saying it’s my teacher what the hell is going on wow I think the floor is coming to me wait no thAT’S ME FALLING TO THE FLOOR-

If you were conscious, you would have been absolutely mortified at the thought of fainting in front of the class, but alas, you were not. For now.

Unbeknownst to you, a certain redhead had doubled over laughing in the back row.

“She didn’t even scream! Just plop face down on the floor!”

The blue-haired boy he was acquainted with yelled at him.

“Karma! Leave her alone!” though, his reply went unheard over the uproar of laughter resulting from Karma’s comment.

Shaking his head, Nagisa walked up to the front of the classroom where you were still passed out, and lightly shook your shoulder.

“Y/N? Hey um, are you okay?”

Slowly regaining consciousness, you tried to look u and see who roused you from your slumber.

“Mom? What time is it-” The face you saw was that of your mother, but one of the kids in your class.

“Oh um I guess you don’t remember, but you just fainted after seeing Koro-sensei. I'm Nagisa Shiota, and uh-oh,” Nagisa paused before fishing a hanker-chief out of his pocket. “Your nose is bleeding,”

Nagisa seemed to sense that you were still in shock about the quick succession of events in such a short amount of time, so he gently took your hand and placed the white cloth in it. 

“Your seat is in the back row, next to the boy with the red hair. His name is Karma,”

“And I’m your best friend, right Nagisa?” the boy -Karama- shouted back.

“More like my worst nightmare,” Nagisa grumbled, though from the look in his eyes you could tell he didn’t really mean it.

On shaky legs, you stood up and walked to your seat beside Karma, tears brimming in your eyes at how some of the kids snickered at your earlier display. Fainting had been the absolute worst way to meet your new class, and though Nagisa at least seemed very kind, you still had no idea what the octopus thing -Koro-sensei- was doing here.

Setting your bag down, you sat in your seat, folded your arms, and rested your head in them, hoping to block everything out, even for just a moment.

Something poking your arm roused you from your small mental breakdown, and you lifted your head to see Karma poking you with the end of his pencil.

Looking around the classroom, it was like your worst fear had come true.

Every single pair of eyes in the room was on you, some even pointing.

“Y/N? Were you listening?” Koro-sensei asked from the front.

You swore everyone could hear your heart by now, you ran your hands together in an attempt to calm yourself down.

“I-I’m sorry sir, could y-you repeat that?” At this point, the only thing that could make this day worse is if he made you introduce yourself to the class.

“I was asking if you would mind introducing yourself to the class?”

motherfu-

“O-oh okay, um, my name is Y/N L/N, and if I'm being completely honest, I have absolutely no idea what's going on,”

“Oh? Did you not attend the teacher’s briefing?”

It seemed that had indeed been a bad choice on your part.

“Um no? I didn’t want any more people to yell at me about my grades, so I didn’t go I guess. I'm sorry,” You cringed internally, hearing your voice get quieter the longer you spoke. You swore, whenever you didn’t know somebody it was like some weird nervous person took over and you turned into a stuttering mess.

“It is quite alright Y/N! It was actually required by the government for you to attend, as it explained my presence and your mission here in 3-E, but I’ll tell them you were sick and couldn’t attend,”

You were taken aback by Koro-sensei’s forgiving attitude, expecting a much harsher rebuke.

“T-thank you very much, sir,”

“You may sit down now, I’ll have Karma and Nagisa explain everything after class, they are the most knowledgeable on the subject. This will also give you the opportunity to meet your new classmates!”

You merely nodded from your seat, unable to will your voice to make a single sound.

The class passed fairly quickly, and you were quite surprised at how well Koro-sensei taught. You never excelled in math, but the way he explained things seemed to click in your brain. It was a pleasant change from the fast-passed, stressful lessons you were accustomed to before.

Light tapping on your desk roused you from your thoughts.

“Hey, it’s Nagisa again. Me and Karma are supposed to explain things to you. Do you mind if we do it while we eat?”

You nodded your head vigorously, eating always calmed you down.

“Alright, I’ll pull up a chair and we can share a desk if you don’t mind?”

You shook your head no, and turned to Karma, wondering what his lunch was.

You’re eyes practically leapt out of your head at the four bento’s filled with extravagant food he pulled out of his bag. You practically started drooling at the thought of eating all that delicious food, and you were tempted to steal one while he wasn’t looking. All you had was a sandwich, and suddenly the thought of eating it didn’t seem so appealing.

“Do you want one?”

The sudden question surprised you, you hadn’t known Karma for very long, but he didn’t seem like the type to share.

“Oh I'm sorry I didn’t mean to stare it just looked really good and you had a lot more than I thoughtandimsorryimtalkingwaytoomuchillshutupnow,”

Karma whistled at the sheer speed at which you spoke, and you tuned your now warm face towards your desk, hoping he wouldn’t notice just how embarrassed you were.

The view of the desk seemed very appealing, but what was more appealing was the bento that was slid across your desk.

“Just eat it. I highly doubt that little sandwich is going to keep you going all day. You looked so pale when I offered I thought you were going to face plant again,”

“You’re right I'm so hungrythankyousomuch,”

You ate the food with fervor, relishing how the flavors danced on your tongue.

You hadn’t expected fainting and being given a bento box to be the start of a friendship, but here you were.

It had been two weeks since you fainted in front of everyone, and you were finally started to warm up to everyone.

They were all honestly very nice, though a bit annoying sometimes, they didn’t seem like bad kids.

And ever since that first day, Karma had brought a bento, just for you.

It was different every day, but the fact that he cared about you from the small interaction to bring you food warmed your heart.

Now, you were animatedly discussing assassination tactics with Nagisa, Karma sipping on strawberry milk- like usual.

“You know,” Karma said, putting down his strawberry milk. “You do this thing whenever you get excited Y/N. Your eyes light up and you talk like a million miles an hour,”

You shrunk inside of yourself at his comment, thinking he was making fun of your habit.

“It’s cute,”

You snapped your face up to his, surprised. No one had ever referred to you as cute before. Sure, there was the occasional creepy guy that would catcall you or the pervy boys in your old class that tried to look up your skirt, but that was about it. Usually, it was always you’re such a weirdo, or you can’t even talk right, you must be stupid.

That thought played on loop in your head for days. Just that single comment.

Karma thought you were cute.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You had avoided it for long enough, faking illness, ‘accidentally’ rolling your ankle, conveniently getting a migraine, but you could avoid it no longer.

P.E.

It’s not that you were bad at it- quite the opposite actually.

You just didn’t want your classmates to think you were showing off, and you still weren't a hundred percent comfortable with the thought of killing Koro-sensei. Your parents stopped talking to you after you were transferred to 3-E, so he was the most supportive adult figure in your life right now.

But unfortunately, he had also seen right through your attempt and falling ill today, so here you were, lined up with everyone else, ready wishing this was over.

“Alright everyone, today we’ll be going over flexibility and acrobatics. Both are key aspects of assassination, especially for getting yourself out of sticky situations,”

Great. Now everyone will definitely think your showing off.

“We have bars, a trampoline, and mats to test your skills in these areas. Please begin stretching to prepare,”

Karma leaned over to whisper in your ear: “Dude, you look constipated. What’s up?”

You gritted your teeth in dread, completely ignoring Karma’s comment about your face. “I’m good at this,”

“What?”

“I’m good at this stuff. That’s the problem,”

“I think you need to go to the nurse's office because that doesn’t make any sense. If your good at it, then what’s there to worry about?”

Oh how you wished you had Karma’s attitude, but your brain simply did not work like that.

He sighed next to you, then reached out a hand to ruffle your hair. The action caused your brain to short-circuit, and while you previously were imagining all the different ways this could go wrong, the only thing you were able to process was Karma’s hand on your head.

“Whatever you're overthinking in that pretty little head of yours, I promise it’s not going to be as bad as you think it is, so stop worrying. You make an ugly face when you think too hard,”

“Y/N. It’s your turn,”

Karma retracted his hand at Karasuma’s voice, leaving your an anxiety-filled blushing mess.

You breathed slowly and stepped up to the mats, flexibility being the first test.

Looking back into the crowd, you noticed Nagisa giving you a thumbs up and Karma smiling at you. Seeing them silently root for you gave you a bit of courage, so you slid into the splits with ease, stood back up, the bent into a back-bend. Next was a kick over, then a handstand, all executed to perfection.

Not giving yourself time to overthink and panic, you turned to the bars and performed your moves with grace, just as you did at gymnastics practice.

Lastly was your specialty- the trampoline.

Usually, the trampoline was a tumbling mat, but you would just have to make do.

The trampoline was long, spanning about 20 feet. Longer than your usual routine, but that was nothing you couldn’t handle.

Getting a running start, you front flipped, then, using your momentum, did a front handspring. Jumping up once more you did four back handsprings in a row, backflipped, then as a final move, an aerial. You cursed internally, as your hands flew up in the air in the judges salute, something you did on instinct after doing gymnastics for so long.

Shocked to hear shouts and clapping, you turned to the crowd of students who rushed at you.

“That was amazing Y/N!”

“Who knew you were secretly talented!”

“Could you teach me how to do that no hands front flip thingy?”

“Alright alright, let the poor girl breathe,” Karasuma shooed the class away, then turned back to you. “That was very impressive Y/N. If you could coordinate that into assassination, I'm sure you could go far.”

You gave him a real, genuine smile. “Thank you very much, sir!”

Karma’s POV:

Karma didn’t quite understand the feeling in his chest. It wasn’t like the feeling he got when he attempted to assassinate Koro-sensei, or how it felt to break someone’s nose.

No, this was different. Something he had never felt before you.

The way his heart fluttered in his chest at how graceful you looked. Or how he wished it was him you had given that shining smile too.

And it wouldn’t go away.

He started to notice that after you came out of your shell, you smiled a lot more. Your eyes lit up, and he adored the way you chewed your lip when you were worrying about something.

Karma Akabane never thought he’d used the word adored to describe something he felt, but here he was, adoring a new aspect of you each day.

He would lay awake at night, inside his cold, empty mansion, thinking it would be better if you were in it.

Wondering if you felt the same way about him.

He couldn’t bear to think that you didn’t. This new feeling, one he’d never felt before, was both exhilarating and terrifying.

And he had no idea what to do.

Nagisa’s POV:

Nagisa had genuinely never seen Karma liked this before.

It was almost unnerving at first, the way he looked at you like he was stranded in the desert, and you were an oasis, calm and beautiful.

In all his time, Nagisa had never seen Karma in love before.

To someone who hadn’t known Karma along as he had, the way his eye’s got soft when he looked at you, or the way you could always bring him out of a bad mood would go unnoticed.

But Nagisa noticed.

The perceptive boy had also picked up on how you opened up when Karma was around, how you looked at him like he was the only person in the room. The way that whenever you bumped into each other, both of you would linger just a little bit longer than necessary. How when you dropped your pencil last Thursday, and Karma’s fingers grazed yours, both of your faces turned red.

It was almost hard to watch you both pining so obviously over each other, and then do absolutely nothing about it.

What he did not know, was that his annoyance would be short-lived, because no one was expecting what would happen the following week.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was all because of those Class B jerks.

They had been your old classmates, and you were just trying to walk to the bus, Karma and Nagisa in tow when they had to show up.

“Hey look! The freak finally found her place, among the other freaks!”

“It’s fitting for her. I mean, you can’t be that weird and not get put in 3-E. Forget about grades, they should have chucked her into that dump the second she arrived!”

To say you snapped would be an understatement.

Nagisa had looked over to you, hoping to provide comfort, but the look on your face would put Karma’s to shame.

You flew towards the two boys, faster than Nagisa thought was possible, and punched the first one straight in the face.

Nagisa flinched internally, watching the blood spurt from his nose, as he actually flew backward from the force of your fist.

The second one was already trying to get a hit in on you, and Nagisa could see Karma was about to step in, but he stopped when he saw you grab the second guy's face, and slam it into your awaiting knee.

“Shut up,” He collapsed on the ground, and you crouched down so you were eye-level with him.

“Listen. I’m in 3-E now. I cannot sink any lower than this, so there’s nothing for me to lose right? So I suggest you tell all your little friends that I will not hesitate to do to them what I just did to you. Got it?”

Both shook their heads, then scrambled away from you, clutching their respective faces.

Your POV:

Your knuckles hurt. Punching someone with that much force was much more painful than they showed in movies.

And, deep down, you were scared what the boys said was true.

You were quiet and reserved, and your interests never matched those around you, and now here you were, blood dripping off your knuckles, tights ripped, hair disheveled, and they were right.

You were a freak.

Karma probably only hung out with you out of pity, why else would he?

And Nagisa only did out of obligation, after all, he couldn’t be Karma’s friend and then not yours, right?

You weren’t even aware you were crying until the tears dripped onto the pavement below your face.

“Y/N? are you okay?”

It was quiet for once inside your head. Too quiet.

“It’s okay Karma. You don’t have to feel pity for me anymore. You can ignore me, and go back to how things were before. I’m okay with being alone,” Despite your words, your voice wobbled and more tears sprung from your eyes.

“Hey. Look at me,” Karma cupped your face with his hands, wiping away a tear with his thumb.

“I hang out with you because I want to. Those guys didn’t know what they were talking about. You’re beautiful and smart, and so devoted. I’ve always loved that about you,”

He said ‘loved”

“You looked badass just now. Don’t think you going crazy on those jerks is going to make me change the way I see you. If you think I’m that shallow, then you’re stupid.

I love the way you chew your lip when your worried, and I love the way you always try so hard in math even though you’re not that good at it. I love the way that you adore the weirdest things, like snakes and old music, and I love how you smile at me when you think I’m not looking,”

Crap he noticed-

“And finally, I love you Y/N. Will you be my girlfriend?”

You beamed at him, hearing the words you had always dreamed of hearing.

“Yes. Please,”

He hugged you close to his body, as he could protect you from all the bad in the world, and you relished the way his arms wrapped around you.

“Can I kiss you?”

Instead of giving him an answer, you leaned up and tilted your head so it fit perfectly against his.

Despite all the strawberry milk he drinks, he tasted like cinnamon sugar, an almost bittersweet flavor. He melted into your touch, and his breath tickled your nose when he pulled away.

A light cough from ten feet away reminded you that Nagisa was still here, and you instantly withdrew from Karma’s embrace, smoothing down your uniform.

“Nagisa~ Look who just got a girlfriend,”

“Shut up,” You lightly punched his arm, but you also let your hand entwine with his.

And this was all you ever wanted.

a/n: i read somewhere that Karma’s parents r like super rich so he lives in a mansion????

[kumeko]

A/N: For the @ouranzine Flowers of the Host Club! I got overly ambitious with this piece, and the idea was too big for the word count. I do like the idea still.

…

…

…

…

Hikaru was used to seeing strange sights on a daily basis. It was the selling point of their club, the ability to transport their guests to different worlds, change seasons, and perform magic. He had ridden elephants to school, created an indoor jungle, and discovered there were very few things that couldn’t be done without money and an Ootari.

Very few. Sometimes he worried that world domination was the next logical step.

Either way, by this point, he didn’t think he could be surprised anymore. Yet standing here in his classroom, staring at Haruhi’s desk, he discovered that he was utterly wrong. Completely and utterly wrong. With ten minutes left before lunch ended, students slowly trickled into the classroom around him. The ordinary framing made the sight before him even more extraordinary. Rubbing his eyes, he asked, “You see it too, Kaoru?”

“I do. I don’t believe it though.” Next to him, Kaoru squeezed his eyes shut before slowly opening them again. When the sight before them didn’t change, he pinched his cheek. “This isn’t a dream.”

Hikaru clicked his teeth. “That was the only explanation. Unless…” He paused dramatically and covered his mouth with a trembling hand. “It’s an illness?”

Kaoru’s eyes widened and he pressed his palm against his forehead. “Terminal?”

Grimly, he nodded. “Possibly.”

“No!” Kaoru leaned against him, trembling. “It can’t be—”

“You know I can hear you, right?” Haruhi cut in dryly, resting her cheek on her hand as she stared up at them. Seated at her desk, she gestured at the clock. “Don’t you need to get to your seats?”

“And she’s worried about us! Her!” Hikaru wiped a tearful eye. Leaning forward, he squeezed her shoulder and gave her a pitying smile. “You don’t have to be so brave for us. You can let us know how you really feel.”

“Trust me, I do.” Haruhi sighed, running a hand through her hair. Giving a troubled sigh, she accepted her lot in life and gave in. “What are you talking about?”

Wearing matching identical grins, Hikaru and Kaoru pointed at the small bouquet of roses balanced precariously on the edge of her desk. At least a dozen long-stemmed red roses poked out of pink wrapping paper. “Who’s that for?”

“None of your business,” she answered immediately, adjusting the bouquet so it rested more securely on her desk. With a tender smile, she patted the bundle.

That abrupt brush off just made him more curious. Undeterred, Hikaru pressed, “Is it a lover?”

“No—”

With a teasing grin, Kaoru guessed, “Multiple lovers?”

“Definitely not.” She massaged her forehead, her frown deepening. “I can barely handle you guys as it is.” As though she just realized something, Haruhi froze and her skin paled.

“What’s wrong?” Hikaru asked, as though he didn’t know exactly what was on her mind. Or rather, the five somethings on her mind.

Slowly, like a broken robot, she turned to them. She looked both silly and cute and he stifled a laugh. “You’re not going to tell Tamaki, are you?”

“Milord?” Kaoru gasped. “You’re right, he certainly does have to know about this.”

Haruhi looked at Hikaru pleadingly. Instantly, he felt his skin flush and she had to be doing it on purpose, right? She had to know what she did to him, right? Kaoru smirked at him from over her head and Hikaru sighed before relenting. “Well, maybe if we had a bribe…”

“A bribe?” Haruhi blinked before clapping her hands. “Got it.” Gently, she extracted two roses from her bouquet and held them out. “Will this do?”

The oblivious smile on her face said it all: she had no idea what this looked like. Haruhi was a weapon just waiting to go off, with all of her natural flirting. Her rose dangled in front of him innocently. Well, a flower was a flower, and he could deal with it. In fact—as a thought struck him, he looked up and exchanged glances with his brother.

They could have a lot of fun with this.

“We’ll take it.”

-x-

If the sight earlier was an unexpected one, this next one was anything but. Kaoru stared blankly at the corner of the music room, where a dark gloom had set in. Tamaki was crouched in the corner, drawing circles on the ground with a finger. If he listened closely, Kaoru was certain he’d hear the soft mumbling of a lunatic.

He’d heard it often enough from his brother as Hikaru realized that his feelings might be more than a crush.

“What’s wrong, milord?” Kaoru asked, dropping his school bag and trotting over to Tamaki’s right.

“H-haruhi…” Tamaki mumbled, looking up all teary-eyed.

“What about her?” Hikaru asked, standing on his left.

“She’s…she’s…” Tamaki warbled, a fresh set of tears forming in his eyes. He wiped them with a sleeve and wailed, “She’s abandoning me!”

They turned around to where Honey and Mori were sipping tea, looking utterly nonchalant. “Haruhi didn’t come for lunch,” Honey explained, looking a little disappointed himself.

“She’s also not joining us today,” Kyoya said and Kaoru had to fight the urge to jump. The shadow king had an alarming ability to disappear and suddenly reappear.

“WHAT?” Tamaki’s jaw fell and an incoherent stream of sounds escaped his mouth.

Kaoru raised a brow. So she’d cleared it with Kyoya first, then. Judging by his expression, the slightly amused curl of his lips, he probably knew exactly what was going on. Hell, he probably knew about the flowers too. In that case, though, he wouldn’t mind them having a little fun with it. Resting a hand on Tamaki’s shoulder, he smiled gently. “Haruhi has a good reason.”

“She does?” Tamaki’s eyes grew wide and he looked up at him hopefully.

“A very good reason,” Hikaru continued, grasping Tamaki’s other shoulder.

As though rehearsed, they both added, “She’s giving someone a bouquet of flowers.”

Tamaki nodded. “Okay. That makes sense—” Cutting himself off, he looked from one twin to the other desperately. “What?”

“She got them at lunch,” Hikaru mentioned idly.

Kaoru crossed his arms. “And she wouldn’t tell us who they’re for.”

“WHAT?” Tamaki yelped, jumping to his feet. “DADDY DOESN’T APPROVE OF ANY BOYS.”

Trying not to grin, Kaoru nodded to Hikaru. It’d only take one more push. One more really easy push. Together, they pulled out their roses. “She gave us one though.”

Kaoru could hear the straw snapping. Tamaki moved from rage to jealousy. “She gave you flowers?” He twiddled his fingers. “She’d give me flowers too, right? As her daddy, I get one, right?”

“Of course, milord,” Kaoru lied, patting him on the back.

“I want one too!” Honey swiped the last cookie and swung off his seat.

Kaoru exchanged a smirk with his brother. Sometimes, it was all too easy.

-x-

There were many ways a matter like this ought to be handled. Delicately, since Haruhi never liked it when they focused all of their attentions on her. Subtly, because she wasn’t supposed to know what they were after. Individually, since they didn’t want to overwhelm her.

Tamaki, of course, threw all of that out the window. The second he spotted Haruhi in the hallway, he charged like a bull in the china shop. “WHO IS HE?”

Reportedly, the desperate screech of a terrified not-father was heard all around the world.

As they were all good friends, the host club understood that this was who Tamaki was and that while he remained a dense brick about his feelings, this was the only way he could deal with the muddled emotions buried deep in his heart. There was something sad and poetic about it.

It was also terribly amusing to watch Haruhi assassinate him with her response and they didn’t want to interfere with that at all.

-x-

Their school was a strange one, Honey knew. The seasons changed yet no one aged, the grounds had room for every type of scenery conceivable, and the hallways extended as long as narratively convenient. As long as he waited in a hallway, Haruhi had to go past him at some point.

Almost as though on cue, he heard a soft tapping as Haruhi walked down the hall. Clutching his Bun-Bun close, Honey skipped over to her, a bright smile on his face. “Haruhi!”

Surprised, Haruhi stopped in her tracks. “Honey?”

Standing in front of her, he clutched his rabbit and stared up with big, teary eyes. “You’re not coming to the club today?”

“I…” Bingo. While Haruhi might not be all that feminine or tapped into her motherly instincts, Honey prided himself in being able to find even the most dormant of instincts and pry them out. Haruhi rubbed the back her neck, giving him an apologetic look. “I can’t today.”

“Oh, that’s too bad.” Honey sighed, rocking back and forth on his feet. He stared at the ground. “I had dessert ready and everything.”

Haruhi’s brow knit. Troubled, she scratched her cheek before giving up and sighing. “Maybe next time?”

“Yay.” His expression brightened and he looked up at her once more. Pointing at her flowers, he asked, “What are those for?”

“It’s nothing.” Haruhi shrugged, straightening up now. “I have to get going, okay?”

No, this wasn’t good. He hadn’t gotten the flower yet. Pushing down his panic, he shot her a winning smile. “Could I smell them?”

“What?” Haruhi raised a brow.

“They must smell nice.” Honey looked at her innocently, batting his eyes. “I can’t?”

“Ugh. No, it’s fine.” Haruhi held out the roses delicately.

“Yay!” Honey leaned forward and pulled out a rose. There, mission accomplished. Smelling it, he grinned. “It’s so sweet!”

-x-

“Alright, next is milord—” The twins stared at Tamaki, who was still sulking in a corner. “Nevermind, too much damage. Mori’s up next!”

Mori stiffened. The club’s activities were fine when they involved the other members, when it was a group thing and not an individual issue. Alone, he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. Especially since he was hiding at an intersection, watching Haruhi walk down the hall. Behind him, the twins and Honey were gently egging him on, trying to get him to do something. Say something.

But what?

Mori didn’t know the answer to that. He could only watch as Haruhi walked further away, cutting past another intersection. She looked to her left in surprise before disappearing around the bend. Immediately, the twins broke into laughter.

“That was even worse than milord!” Hikaru guffawed, hunched over as he laughed.

“He didn’t even try!” Kaoru added, wiping the tears from his eyes. “He just watched her go!”

“Wait!” Honey peeked around the corner and gasped. “Look!”

Mori quickly rushed to the corner. As did the rest of the host club. Honestly, it was a miracle they hadn’t been spotted before this point. “What?” he asked, steeling himself.

“Is that?” Kaoru asked, surprise colouring his tone.

Mori could only nod. Eagerly heading toward them were two small forest animals: a tanuki and a rooster. In their mouths was a single rose. The constantly fighting pair were working together for once.

A wave of love washed over him. He’d have to spoil them tonight.

-x-

Tamaki stared vacantly as he sat under the staircase. Honey had a rose. Mori had a rose. The twins had roses. Everyone but him had a rose. Well, him and Kyoya, but Kyoya didn’t seem interested. It was unfair that Tamaki alone didn’t have one. He was her father!

No, wait, that wasn’t quite right. He wasn’t here to get a rose, he was here to find out who she was meeting. Who exactly those flowers were for. There was the soft thud of footsteps and he looked up to spot Haruhi. Finally. “Haruhi,” he called out, slowly getting up.

Haruhi groaned before turning to look at him. With a deadpan expression, she asked, “Yes?”

“Haruhi, I…I..” Tamaki stared at the roses in her hand. A pang hit his chest and he clutched his shirt. Was that the pain of fatherhood? It had to be, right? “Those roses…” Standing up, he staggered toward her. “Are they for someone important?”

Instantly, Tamaki turned red. No, that wasn’t what he was supposed to ask. That wasn’t it at all. Haruhi looked at him in surprise. Her expression softened and she nodded. “Yeah.”

“Oh.” Tamaki felt boneless and almost crumpled onto the ground.

“I should have realized what would happen the second the twins found out.” Haruhi sighed, pulling out a rose. She sniffed it. “I can see why you use them, they’re sweet.” Holding out the rose, she smiled at him. “They suit you.”

Tamaki blushed. “W-what?”

“Here, take it.” Gently, she pushed it into his hand. “Now you can tell them to stop bullying you, alright?”

Bullying? No, that wasn’t what this was about! Well, it did get him a rose from Haruhi, but that wasn’t the point! Who were the roses for? That’s what he had to ask. That’s what—

When he looked up, Haruhi was already gone.

-x-

Kyoya chuckled as Haruhi hastily headed toward the entrance. She looked like a woman on a mission, which, he supposed, she was. After all, the entire host club had been blocking her exit until now, a dense obstacle course that maybe he should repeat for a future host club event. Leaning against the wall, he raised a brow. “You should have known this would happen.”

“Yeah.” Haruhi didn’t look surprised to see him. He wasn’t sure if that rankled him or not. “I should have just gotten these after school.”

“Well, it was at a good discount.” He adjusted his glasses. Digging into his pocket, he pulled out a small card. “You can come here for the pictures later. In exchange, I’ll remove their proceeds from your debt.”

“Business as usual, huh?” Haruhi rolled her eyes but accepted the card nonetheless. “Still, thanks for the flowers. Oh, and here.” She pulled out a rose and held it out.

“What?” Perplexed, he looked from the rose to her.

Haruhi shrugged. “I already gave them to everyone else. It wouldn’t be fair to leave you out.”

-x-

“I’m home!” Haruhi called out, slipping off her shoes as she closed the door behind her.

Her father poked his head out of the kitchen. “Great.” His smile grew brighter at the roses in her hand. “And you got them!”

“Yeah.” Out of habit, she added dryly, “But it is a waste of money.”

“Nonsense, things for your mother are never a waste of money.” Ranka clicked his tongue, giving her a disapproving shake of his head.

She couldn’t disagree with that entirely. If there was one thing her time with the host club had taught her, it was that there were times when money had to be spent. That there were things, people, where the expense was worth it.

And her mother was definitely one of them. Approaching her mother’s altar, Haruhi gently placed the diminished bouquet of roses. “Happy birthday, mom.”

[rainecreatesstuff]

LAMP Soulmate AU Bulletfic thing

Word Count: 2569

TW: Mentions and implications of abuse, mentions of anxiety, descriptions of panic attacks, mentions and implications of death + illness

They’re all connected in different ways

Virgil is connected to Patton through that thing where marks on your soulmate’s skin appear of yours too

Roman through a thing where on your eleventh birthday at 11:11pm a name will pop into your head and wow its your soulmate’s

And Logan through the string thing

Roman is connected to Patton through a timer on his wrist

And Logan through a tattoo-like mark on your wrist that says your soulmate’s first words to you

Logan and Patton are connected through a soulmark (A tattoo or raised pattern on your skin that is also on your soulmate)

Patton is blind

so in this au different soulmarkers develop at different ages

So when V’s little he’s super excited to meet his sm, bc his parents are soulmates and everything he’s seen abt them is so sweet and exciting!

He turns six and doesn’t develop a timer, which is what he was hoping for

But that’s ok! There are tons of other soulmarkers!

And then he doesn’t develop a soulmark when he’s seven

Or a sentence on his wrist when he’s eight

And he can see colours

So he’s starting to get nervous

And hey! Mom’s sick, and in the hospital, and she’s just not doing too swell

But then when he turns nine, a beautiful red string has been tied around his ring finger when he wakes up!

And wow! Mom look, I have a soulmate! Just like you and daddy!

And then a few months later he’s doing his homework at the kitchen table and the string goes limp before shriveling up and turning black

The doctors have no explanation, and V’s anxiety has really started to kick in

Mom doesn’t seem to be getting better either

So when he turns ten, he is fully aware that this is probably his last chance to develop a soulmarker

He writes on his forearm the night before his birthday

It says “Hey, I’m V! I guess we’re soulmates?”

When he wakes up there’s nothing new

Which is fine! Because that means his sm is probably in the same time zone as him!

But then he keeps waiting and

Nothing

Nothing for a week.

Eventually his dad convinces him to wash it off

Then on his eleventh birthday he knows how uncommon a soulname connection is, but he needs to try

So it’s 11:10 and he’s sitting at his desk with a marker ready to write it down and then-

Roman Prince

Roman prince? What do you mean Roman prince? That’s not a name! What the hell?!

So he’s really sad and anxious and stuff because he doesn’t have a soulmate and, yknow, that’s kinda upsetting for him

And hey, your mom really isn’t doing too well, we have to visit her after school, okay?

At first Virgil doesn’t understand why mom’s being so dramatic or why she keeps telling him she loves him

Then it hits him

And now he’s sobbing and hugging her and shaking and he can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe

Fun fact! Turns out this is a regular thing and he has really bad anxiety.

And mom has been put in a medically induced coma

So a year later dad decides to pull the plug

Virgil’s anxiety has gotten really bad

He’s just not in a good place

High school goes by without much happening

Now he’s going to university! How exciting and stressful!

Roman, too, was entranced by the idea of soulmates. His parents aren’t soulmates, but they encourage his excitement about them!

And when he turns six, he develops a timer on his wrist! Score! What a romantic way to meet the love of your life!

Or friend of your life

His moms are so excited for him! They get him new paints and take him out to dinner to celebrate.

And then he wakes up on his eighth birthday to words on his right wrist

It says “If you could stop talking, it would be vastly appreciated.”

He’s a little pissed

His moms take him to the doctor bc “wtf why does he have TWO soulmarkers?!”

The answer is that he has two soulmates

It’s uncommon, but possible

So while he is ecstatic and ready to parade his soulmarkers around the school, his moms are a little less happy and a little more worried

They may have made the suggestion that he wears long sleeves most days, those ones that he hates because they will not roll up

But he did what they asked because they’re his moms, and he loves them very much

And then a few years later on his birthday he’s typing up a short story for school

It’s due the next day so he’s rushing through it a little bit

It’s still amazing

But anyways, he’s writing, and he suddenly just gets the name “Virgil Miller” stuck in his head

He doesn’t think anything of it bc he’s writing and that’s normal

He ends up naming the main character Virgil 

Logan grows up in a bit of a run-down part of town

His Mami and Dad are soulmates (he doesn’t think they should be)

They fight a lot, and sometimes Dad’ll hurt Mami, especially at night when they think he’s asleep

And he’s heard Mami on the phone with his Tia, talking about court cases? And laws, and soulmates?

Needless to say, he isn’t all too enamoured with the idea of soulmates

When he’s seven he gets a soulmark, some bumps over his heart, which is a little distressing

He’s never met this person, but he’s supposed to spend his whole life with them?

He’s very scared that his soulmate will be like Dad

And then he develops the words “Bold of you to assume I can stop talking” on his right wrist

And then a string when he’s nine.

He doesn’t tell his parents about any of them. “Soulless” people existed, and he knew his Mami was hoping he was one of them.

And then later that year Mami sits him down and tells him that she’s going to live with his Tia until she can find her own apartment, and that she and Dad aren’t together anymore

Logan cries for a while, and tells her about all the things he’s heard, and the bruises he’s seen, and begs to go with her

Mami says she was hoping he would

His Dad finds out the day before they leave and he hits Logan

Multiple times

And when his Mami steps in, Dad scowls and yells and stomps away and Mami picks Logan up and they run to the car and leave

When they get to his Tia’s he hides in the guest bedroom they said is his and he takes a pair of scissors and

Snip snip, he’s 33% more “soulless”

He steals Mami’s concealer and puts it on his wrist everyday to cover the words there

The only one he doesn’t cover is the soulmark on his chest, which he almost never sees because of his shirt

Whenever anyone asks, he just tells them he’s soulless

He tries not to get too close to people, but he usually fails and so he has a very small, very tight friend group 

Oh also he’s a grade ahead of his year

Patton’s family is very well off

He’s the oldest of four brothers

He’s trans, but his family is v supportive and helped him transition as soon as they found out

His service dog’s name is Cookie and she’s a golden retriever

He’s had her since he was eleven, and he loves her very much

Because he’s blind there’s certain things he didn’t know about growing up

For example, nobody told him about soulmates until he was nine

Which really explains the weird ticking he hears every once in a while, as well as the strange, tiny bumps on his chest (which spell out “Loved” in Braille)

He doesn’t think about it too often, but he’d be lying if the idea didn’t entrance him

He didn’t think he’d ever meet his soulmates, though, and if he did, he wasn’t sure they’d want the responsibility of a blind soulmate

On the day he turns ten, there’s this little tickling on his forearm, like butterflies gently taking off on him

He doesn’t really think anything of it, though

Despite being blind, Patton is super capable

He can’t cook by himself, but if he’s supervised he does a really good job. He’s the most prepared for “real life” out of his siblings, which is strange, considering he’s the oldest

He goes to public school, where most kids are really nice (sometimes antagonistically nice), but there were also some rude kids

“You don’t really need that walking stick, you’ve got a dog, and we need it to play our game!”

The amount of times he’s had to explain that no you dumbass I do still need the stick is ridiculous

But he keeps a smile on his face and forges through it

And then in grade eleven Roman’s studying in the hallway when he sees some kid being bullied

Well, not bullied, but definitely teased. Something was wrong, anyways

He’s been on edge all day because his timer keeps going down

But he’s not really thinking about it rn

So he goes over and gets the idiots to leave and

Holy hell did heaven drop an angel? They must have, because look at this boy with his golden hair and tanned skin and freckles and

Beep beep motherfucker. It’s soulmate o’clock

And Roman is just so happy

“H-hey, I’m Roman!” “Oh, hi, I’m Patton! Did... did your timer go off?” “Uh yeah! It did!”

And Patton

Just grins so wide and there’s tears, and he leaps up and hugs Roman so tight

And Roman is so freaking happy!!!! He asks Patton for his contact because duh and Pat’s like

“Uhhh well I can’t text”

“Why?”

“..... I’m blind?” “OHHHHHHH”

So they figure they can talk over the phone because Patton does have a phone for calling

So they have a cute first date and they fall in love and everything’s good and dandy and Roman’s going to college but Patton’s found this real nifty job that just so happens to be right next to Roman’s college so they move in together and Patton knows about Roman’s other sm and Roman knows about Patton’s other sm

And Roman’s in a lecture now

And he didn’t really notice but he’s been muttering

And he’s just kinda sitting there when he hears it from the guy next to him

So he looks up and here’s this ethereal looking dude with gorgeous brown eyes and dark hair and

“Bold of you to assume I can stop talking.”

He curses every known god for making his first words to his soulmate be a meme

They excuse themselves from class because holy shit

And Logan introduces himself shakily

And Roman asks for his number

And they go on a date where Roman tells him about Patton and Logan mentions having a soulmark over his heart

Logan is really hesitant to join their relationship bc he was hoping he would never meet his soulmates

So they don’t put a label on it right away

But they go on a few dates and hang out a bunch and Logan realizes that he actually really, really likes these guys and he doesn’t really want to live the rest of his life without them

So he talks to them and tells them about some of the stuff that happened when he was a kid

Roman and Patton are horrified but they hug him and promise that they will never lay a finger on him if he asks them not to 

And Logan just has a moment of “These guys love me. Like actually love me. And want me to be happy. And I think I feel the same?” 

So on their next date Logan asks both of them to be his boyfriends and obviously they say yes

And basically they’re just all really in love

They move into a bigger apartment together at the beginning of year two

So then they’re all cuddling one day when Logan tells them about his string

And so the other two are like “oh shit is there another???”

And Roman says that on his eleventh birthday he just suddenly had this name pop into his head but he just assumed he’d wanted the name for a character so

And Patton says that after getting his soulmark AND a timer he didn’t think to check for anything else

So they’re all kinda like well whoops let’s hope we still meet them!

And Patton’s at his job one day when this guy walks in and he’s one of the new employees

Pat’s got his seeing eye doggo with him but the vest is off cuz they’re both on break

And so V’s like “oh cool dog can I pet him?”

Bc usually he would never just go up and ask but he literally can’t stop himself because here’s this adorable dude in front of him and the universe is screeching at him to say hi

And Pat hears his voice and immediately falls in love

“Oh, yea sure! She’s my eye dog, but she’s on break so it’s all good!”

And V meets Pat and his dog

And they end up exchanging numbers because they are coworkers and well

Yknow

So a couple days later, after him and Patton have been talking a lot, Pat invites him over

So V goes over and meets Roman and Logan

And he hears Roman’s name and

Holy shit

And of course Roman is also freaking out because the name Virgil just really hasn’t left his head since he thought of it

So yknow

Logan’s a little unsure, but then the two get talking about astronomy and he doesn’t care if they’re not soulmates he is going to marry this guy

And they all get really close really fast

And then one day Virgil offhandedly mentions the string thing

And Logan freezes and just

Shows V his right ring finger, where they can both see this rotting string that’s still tied tight around it and

Fuck V can’t breathe are you kidding? right now?

So they help ground him, and Logan explains everything

And Roman tells him what’s up

But they’re not really sure how he’s connected to Patton but then he just

Grabs a marker and draws a heart on his hand and

It’s right there on Patton’s hand holy s h i t

So they take Virgil on a date and stuff and they make it official

And Virgil’s a little nervous bc like those three have been together for a while now and he feels like he’s intruding

But he talks to Logan and L understands bc Roman and Patton had been dating for 2+ years when he found them

He promises that V is not intruding and that they all really love him

And Virgil just full on starts crying because he hasn’t felt this loved since before his mom died and he loves his bfs so much

They find their bfs and just cuddle all night

Virgil moves in with the rest of them at the beginning of third year 

They get their happily ever after for the most part

Hopefully y’all liked this! I think I’ll be posting more writing on here, bc I have TONS of wips stacked up in a google docs and I’d like to get them out of there lmao

[shhh-no-ones-home]

cake walk bucky barnes x reader

+++++++++

Inspo can be found here, i really liked the idea and kinda ran with it lol

sorry ive been away for a while. ive been in a shit mindset but things around me are changing again and im hoping for the better. im away from home this week and figured id finally finish this, as well as restart the marvel shows on netflix so expect some new daredevil and punisher one shots in the near future 😁

also this is like half edited so if it sucks or i forgot to fix anything sorry

Song: soft by motionless in white

tag list: @cynic-spirit +++++++++

Bucky had been super tired lately. He had been having nightmares here and there and though he hadn't had one in a while he was still worried he'd hurt me in his sleep. So he was currently taking a nap in our shared room at the compound. We were only here for a few days to train new recruits and then we would all be back to our own homes. Me and buck, Sam, Clint, even Scott showed up. But then again he was always excited to be part of the team. Now I was in the kitchen like I usually was, stress-baking. But just to be safe, and per his request, I had a camera on buck while he slept to make sure he was still okay and I could rush to our room if he needed me.

So I stood at the island, gathering ingredients and singing softly to myself. not unusual for me to do, it was a good distraction after all and everyone else loved it because it made the place smell great. that and they all loved the many cakes, cookies, muffins, breads, and other baked goods I decided to make. a lovely thought really, one that brought a smile to my face as I began measuring out the dry ingredients. when I turned to look at the monitor though Bucky was gone, making me set the flour back onto the counter. Panic set in immediately. I tapped the screen twice, hitting the tracking cam on his watch and the footage coming up. I sighed deeply as I saw the blurry side video of Bucky murder-stomping his way through the halls. I tapped my own watch quickly.

"attention we have a 'wolf out of containment.' if you see him direct him to the kitchen but do not engage. If you wake him he'll hurt himself."

I said into it, rolling my eyes at the code name, and looking back to the monitor in worry. I heard my voice echo off the walls as he stepped towards the sound. One of the agents was walking down the hall and paused when he saw Bucky, rage behind his eyes as he got closer. Now Bucky was holding him harshly in his metal hand.

"Where is she?"

He said through gritted teeth and i could see both of their faces in the view on my watch.

"Kitchen. Down the hall to the left."

The agent squeaked out. Bucky threw him to the ground quickly before making his way down the hall. I double tapped the monitor again as he turned into the room. There was an intensity and pain strewn across his features as he made his way to me. whatever nightmare this was it had a full hold of him. he had been sleep walking a lot recently but it had never gotten this bad. but he knew what to do, even unconscious. Before he even made it to the table across the room Sam was rushing in behind hi, coming to a screeching halt when he realized what was happening to his best friend.

"I heard the code. Is everything okay?"

He asked and Bucky turned around, throwing a punch his way and him ducking. he made a scared face as he stood back up ready to fight.

"At ease soldier!"

I yelled and Bucky froze, mid motion as he began to throw another. He looked over his shoulder at me, seething, breathing heavy, eyes glazed over.

"Come here."

I said softly. He sent Sam a glare before doing as told, backing his way to the counter where i was standing. he never once stopped looking at Sam, or the other few agents that came rushing in with guns. that definitely didn't help.

"do you need help?"

one of them asked, looking between me and Bucky as he plucked a knife out of the wood block on the counter, holding it in a defensive position as he stood in front of me.

"no, I don't need help. Sam and I can take care of this."

i said matter-of-factly, the agent speaking into their watch and all three of them lowering their guns.

"just leave us be. everything is fine. if i need anything ill call."

they all nodded hesitantly, looking to Sam briefly before leaving. i sighed out when they were finally out of sight, side stepping buck and going back to measuring my sugar and vanilla.

"He sleep walking again?"

Sam asked quietly, stepping very slowly around the table and I nodded, moving to put mix my dry ingredients together. Bucky stood next to me, fist clenched tight around the knife as he watched Sam's every move with vigorous intent. I pulled one of the stools out from under the counter before grabbing a spoon and mixing the wet and dry ingredients together to make the cookie dough.

"Sit."

I offered buck and he sent me a confused looked. I glared at him and he did as told.

"Sam you mind setting a timer on that pad for twelve minutes?"

He nodded and did as told, stepping closer but not close enough for buck to do anything about it. they stared at each other as I molded the dough into balls on a tray.

"has this been happening a lot recently?"

Sam asked and i nodded, pushing the chocolate chips off the ends of my fingers.

"it hasn't been full mission before, and this one is lasting much longer."

i noted, washing my hands in the sink to the right of the counter.

"how do you know what to do?"

i let out a nervous laugh, tucking the tray of cookies into the hot oven behind me.

"in all actuality, I don't. I'm just hoping that the things I've tried before work. "

Bucky looked between me and Sam as I stood back up, drying my hands on the towel and moving to touch his cheek gently. he flinched for a second, staring at me as i tucked his hair behind his ear.

"its okay soldat. you can relax, he's not going to hurt me. he's my friend."

i said very softly, looking over his eyes as he turned back to Sam.

"put the knife down."

i said just above a whisper, moving to stand behind him. i began slowly running my fingers through his hair. he still held the knife tightly as i started to hum along to one of his favorite songs from his childhood. he had shared it with me sometime after we had moved in together. it had been my savior more than once.

"does that work?"

Sam asked and i sent him a look, trying to get Bucky to lean back into my chest. he kept jolting himself back up, fighting the urge to close his eyes. as I got to the end of the song though he had his head completely rested against me, body limp, and knife clattering to the rug beneath us. he had fallen back into a deep sleep, snoring softly as I continued to finger comb his hair.

"yes Samuel, it works."

i said, and then the timer went off. Bucky jolted upright, the stool shaking as i leaned forward and caught him before he fell off. I held his shoulders as he breathed heavily, looking around in deep confusion.

"Sam?"

he asked before looking back at me and drawing his brows.

"hey baby, its okay. I'm sorry we woke you."

he turned to me and took my hand.

"y/n, why am I in the kitchen?"

i let out a nervous laugh, letting him go and getting my cookies out of the oven.

"you were sleep walking again."

he groaned, standing up and freezing when he looked down.

"I didn't hurt anyone... did I?"

he said horrified as he picked the knife up. i shook my head frantically, taking it from him and putting it back in the block.

"no! no no no. baby you did not."

i said quickly through one breath, placing my hands on either side of his face. he looked like he was going to cry.

"hey, no, look at me. James. you didn't hurt anybody. I dropped the knife in surprise when you came in here. it had nothing to do with you."

Sam sent me a sad look as i tried to calm Bucky down.

"you're sure?"

he asked pained and i pulled him into a tight hug, cradling his head in my hand and mouthing to Sam to not say anything.

"yes Jamie I am sure. you are perfectly fine. scared the shit out of some agents. but no more."

he took in a shaky breath.

"i scared you."

he repeated just above a whisper and i pulled him away from me, holding his head in my hands and looking between his eyes.

"you just caught me by surprise, nothing we haven't been through before."

he sighed heavily and closed his eyes. i kissed his forehead gently.

"hey, now that you're awake, you want a cookie?"

i asked and he looked up at me, offering a small smile.

"uh, yeah, id love one."

i nodded once before turning and carefully taking one off the tray and placing it on one of the dry paper towels sat on the counter in front of him.

"made especially for my buckaroo."

i said and he laughed lightly before taking a bite. he was none the wiser and Sam sent me a testing look.

"Sam?"

i asked, holding one out to him and he took it begrudgingly. i went back to finger combing Bucky's hair as he snatched another. sending me a genuine smile as he chewed. i shared another knowing glance with Sam before he pulled another bar stool out and sat across from us.

"these are pretty good y/n, wish we could share with more of the guys here."

he said and i sent him a look.

"well i guess we'll just have to save them some for later. I'm sure they're all very busy right now with other important things."

i said a little condescendingly and he shook his head.

"so uh, i don't know what's happening but if i sit here any longer there wont be any left for anyone else. what do you say we go for a walk or something?"

Bucky said with a smile and i nodded, smiling back.

"i think that's a great idea. Sam?"

he looked from Bucky to me and to the tray.

"uh you guys go ahead. ill make sure these get to the guys, and that the recipe doesn't make its way into their daily reports."

i took Bucky's hand as he stood and nodded once at Sam in understanding. he was going to make sure no one got word of Bucky's incident, just in case. he was getting better after all.

"thanks Sam, it means a lot. come on buck, lets get some air."