#sorry I really didn't think this wip was going to be this weird

[daisywords]

I don't know what this is, but it's somehow correct:

That night he dreamed he was tied to a table in a derelict banquet hall, lying flat on his back amid scattered plates and rusting goblets. At the head of the table, elbows framing his head, sat Lya.

He watched her upside down through wary eyes. Askew on her head sat a heavy copper crown. She smiled at him and brushed the hair from his forehead with lingering fingers.

He smiled back at her. She picked up a golden spoon and traced its tip gently along his cheekbone, over the arch of his eyebrow. Then, still smiling, she placed it against his lower eyelid and dragged it down, wedging the blunt metal between the skin and his eyeball.

He struggled and begged and she spoke gentle, teasing words, slowly and methodically extracting his eyeball. She got it all in one piece, in the end, perfect and shining in the bowl of her spoon.

He could only watch with his remaining eye, paralyzed, as she lifted the spoon to her lips.

[brucewaynehater101]

I have a vent fic wip that I may or may not finish so I just need to tell someone that I am...feeling so many things all the time about the consequences of the 16th birthday but...

primarily, right now, at this moment. without Robin/Bruce, Tim thought he would lose Dick and everyone else he knew through Robin. and then a little bit later when he quit for Jack, he got radio silence for Months until he became a potential victim, and even then it was just Cass stopping in to give the message and be like "I'll watch you to keep you safe 👁️👁️ ok bye" and he had actual Proof that without Robin, he would lose everyone.

and then. Dick "you're my equal (even tho I'm drastically changing your life without your knowledge or permission), you're my closest ally (even tho you don't even have a name to go out in the field to assist me as backup), I need you (even tho, as mentioned, I made a huge decision without your input because I didn't need it because I know best actually)" Grayson.

skipping over the fact that Dick didn't even have the time to say "you're fired" or anything resembling that, when Tim lost "Robin" to Damian, he felt like he lost everything else too. it didn't matter what Dick said about "equals" or "allies" or "needing". he already had Concrete Proof that it was all false. cheap words that are easily disproven do nothing in this situation, Dichard!

(disclaimer: I love and respect Dick Grayson, I just also think Dick Stopped Existing as soon as he made Damian his Robin for the most pathetic stupid illogical risky-ass excuse he could ever give for making anyone Robin (or a vigilante in general). "because he'll kill someone again". who the fuck says that?? who thinks "oh no oh god oh fuck this kid is gonna go off the rails he's gonna kill someone, I need to Put Him In A Place Of Power Over Oblivious Innocent Untrained People Who Are Expecting A Kind And Empathetic Hero To Save Them" hUH???? ok sorry, I just wanted to rant about what Tim "losing Robin" meant)

I agree with ya. Dick Grayson is fantastic, but it seems weird that he nuked his entire relationship with Tim (a very strong one that other fans have referred to them as "The Brothers") for the new kid.

Yes, Damian is a ten year old traumatized kid who just lost the dad he didn't really have the chance to get to know. Yes, Damian needed guidance, boundaries, and compassion.

But DC spent so much time and effort building up Tim and Dick's rapport only to obliterate it once the "blood son" came in (I also love Damian. This is not hate on the kid. This is confused commentary on DC's choices). It's just a strange idea, but that's also why it hurts so much when Dick does that to Tim.

Then you tie in Tim losing Robin by Dick to Tim's experiences before? Fuck. You are so right for that.

As far as the RR run, Dick could've handled Tim believing Bruce a bit better. I don't necessarily blame him for that one. I get why he wasn't supportive in the way Tim wanted, even though I would've chosen differently for my siblings.

Dick taking Robin, though? That was fucked up. I, honest to the gods, do not see how that was a justified course of action. I can understand his perspective, but it's still not okay. At all.

There's your very adequate analysis:

Robin, for Tim, is his tie to his loved ones. He has proof (twice) that without it, he does not have access to the people he cares about and his support system.

Dick said a lot of pretty words about "equals," but his actions were precisely contradictory to his "intentions."

Tim has had Robin taken from him before or had to give it up. He chose to go back despite this. He obviously feels strongly about being Robin

Damian has not proven, at this point, to be trustworthy as a vigilante (someone in power without oversight). He has instead shown use of excessive force

This isn't even going into the way he found out. That's just an extra layer.

The way Tim has repeated lost and regained Robin (even after RR) as well as his title as Red ROBIN are, to me, a sign that he's still trying to hold on. It's my belief that he would have moved onto a new title, like his predecessors, if it hadn't constantly been an unsure role.

His start was rocky as hell due to Bruce not initially wanting it. Tim had to prove himself and put himself into the costume.

He "quit" twice before it was taken from him in a traumatic way (nothing like being instilled with the fear that the position you've held for four years can suddenly be yanked out from under you without warning)

Damian and Jason both vehemently protested to him being Robin

It would make sense if all of these factors combined to Tim's unwillingness or inability to just let Robin go, especially when we factor in his reason to be Robin. Since Bruce never really gets "better" and continually falls back into bad habits, Tim needs to maintain his task of pulling Bruce back from the edge. We could also throw Jean Paul into this to further how Tim is forced to play as the barrier between a grown adult and their desire to harm others in the name of good.

So, Tim's time as Robin is marked by consistent instability while contrasted with his inherent position as Bruce's leash and the batfam fixer. While the other Robins did have times of doubt, the predecessors of Tim did not have the pervasive role insecurity with regards to Robin.

They had their big moment at the end and some smaller moments in-between, but not quite on the continous scale of Tim. Tim had three big moments and was still sucked back into Robin when Damian quit.

To be Robin is to earn Bruce's love and the ability to be part of the Wayne family. To lose Robin is the risk of losing that (at least to the perspectives of the Robins if not 100% the reality).

I'm not sure I'm articulating this accurately. Regardless, no wonder Tim clutches the title of Robin with bleeding hands no matter how much it cuts him and costs him.

[withlove-angel]

⚠️warnings: fluffy, pet names, smudged clown makeup

Love! (Part2)

Part1

Buggy's face dropped. He knew y/n loved him more than he loved her back. He looked guilty and he was afraid to say anything at the moment. He knew what was coming next. "Y/n, wait. I..." Buggy started to say.

"You what? You sorry?" She snap back "Im so tired off all of this..." she rest her face on her hands as she curls on her knees. His hands still on her shoulders, he feel it heavy... burning... hopeless...

Buggy just looked at y/n. He was afraid to say anything else. He had a feeling that she was about to break up with him. Buggy's eyes widened as he started feeling nervous. "You're tired of waiting for me, right?" He asked in a sad tone, wich was unusual, but he couldn't help, the way y/n, his y/n were breaking infront of his was like something was breaking inside him... maybe his heart, maybe the mask he always use to pretend he was the best, the cold hearted pirate clown, when he is on the reality feels like trash, like someone unholy or not enough for an angel like y/n....

"Im tired of feeling unloved" she finally confess something that was deep on her soul, in a monotone tone, really diferent from the excited y/n. He felt a weird feeling he never felt before... his heart almost break, he didn't know he cared so much about her. He was scared for the first time of his life, scared not about losing his spotlight or his head again, but scared about losing her, he was so confused.

Buggy was silent. He felt as if his heart was stopping. He started thinking about what he would be without his angel. "Y/n, wait, I..." He still had no idea what to say. He was starting to tear up himself. "D-don't leave me" He finally managed to say. Buggy grabbed onto y/n's shoulders and looked at her.

He felt warm tears rolling down his cheeks, messing with his makeup, but he didn't care, he didn't care about his appearance or what the others would think about him... what's wrong with him? He was sick? He thought it for a sec, it was all so confusing, so overwhelming...

Y/n lift her head to face him, her eyes widen, the captain never cry... but the man infront her was not her captain, was Buggy, her Buggy, showing his broken side for the first time.

He try to wip away his tears. He was feeling all these emotions and didn't know how to process them. Buggy looked at y/n again. "Y/n, I... I'm sorry, okay?" He sniffed and sounded remorseful. He finally realized how much he needed her. "I don't want to be alone, Angel, i can't do this again. Don't leave me like the others did" He said with tears falling down his cheeks once again.

She look surprise at him, he never expressed his emotions before, she was still hurt but he couldn't just ignore him, not like this. Her love gaze for him was back, she didn't even realized when she quietly wipe his tears away, caressing his cheeks slightly after, his clown makeup all smudged and messed up.

Buggy felt relieved when y/n started to wipe away his tears. He took a deep breath and then hugged her. "Don'tleave y/n, I'm... I'm sorry" He said, sounding very serious now. He was glad that she wasn't crying. "Don't ever leave me, don't ever think about it again... I can't do this without you, i go to hell if I need to just keep you on my side... i would kill anyone or burn anything just for you" He whispered, a dark look quickly pass though his eyes, a shiver run down her spine, but she decided to ignore it, she was as sick as he is, she wanted attention, but for y/n the pirate clown attention was what she needed, she may be scared but she liked the feel.

She nods "but buggy... if you want this to work out you have to put an effort" she break the hug to look at him, placing one hand on his cheeks "a relationship dont survive if only one person try"

Buggy stayed silent, looking back at her. He was aware that he didn't always put effort into their relationship. He usually expected her to do everything for him. He sighed, knowing that he had to change too. Buggy said quietly. "I promise I will try harder." He sounded sincere.

She smiles to him, placing a soft kiss on his lips

Buggy's face got even more bright red. He was still surprised that y/n was kissing him again even with his smudged makeup. He wanted to kiss her back but he didn't, he felt too overwhelmed. His face got bright red as he closed his eyes and just let her kiss him.

She giggle at his behaviour starting to kiss all over his face, not having a pattern on it, just messing more with his already messed makeup. She was sad that she didn't wore lipstick that night, but still enjoyed every single kiss.

Buggy got even more excited as y/n kissed his face. He got very, very, very red. He closed his eyes tightly as he felt her lips on his cheeks again. He was blushing more than he ever had before. Buggy's heart started beating really fast as he let it happen.

He could see how happy y/n was as he finally is showing his feelings to her... He kept his eyes closed. He was embarrassed but also very glad at the same time. He felt like a new man with all of this attention. He never knew so much could happen just by showing his love to his girlfriend. His face was now incredibly bright red and he was smiling. That smile was something he hasn't shown in a while. He was finally learning to love someone back and he felt relieved.

Y/n climb into his lap, his strong hads on her hips to keep her balance.

"you know how much i love your eyes, but i just fell for your smile once again"

Buggy opened his eyes and looked at her. Her words melted his heart. "I didn't know I had such a wonderful smile" He chuckled. "You like it that much?"

He could see she staring at his smiles "its the prettiest i ever saw" Buggy couldn't get his smile off of his face. His heart was now beating even faster. His cheeks got red again as she stared at him. He never felt this much attention before even when performing, this was his spotlight, his favorite show. "Y/n... My face is starting to feel a bit... hot." He chuckled nervously.

"Because you are blushing" she giggles. Buggy never blushed before he didn't know what was this feeling, but he liked... As long as it was with y/n, he liked it.

Buggy's face got even more red as y/n placed her hand on his cheek. He felt like a little boy having a crush for the very first time. "Y-you think I'm blushing?" The clown asked, sounding surprised. He didn't want to believe she was correct. He felt embarrassed.

She nods. The brightest smile he ever saw... he finally made her feel loved...

Buggy took a deep breath and then looked back at y/n. He was trying to figure out how to feel about the love she was giving him. He realized that he was feeling something new. His face remained red, and he was still smiling. "I feel... strange" He muttered. "Something is going on that I've never felt before, but its good." He was confused but he felt good at the same time.

Y/n place her hand on top of his chest were its his heart "you finally really feel love" she say more exited then he is... of couse the love he is feeling is only for Angel, he still despises everyone else, he still would kill everyone else for the spotlight.

Buggy put his hand over y/n's hand, holding it above his heart. He was starting to understand what this feeling meant. "Is this love?" He asked, still sounding a bit confused. He wanted to make sure that he was experiencing love for the first time. "Am I really in love with you?" He whispered to himself.

She smiles hugging him tightly "you finally..." she say almost crying bit this time happy tears

Buggy just stayed still when the happy y/n hugged him tight. He started to hug her back as well. His heart was beating so fast he could feel it pounding. Buggy didn't care about his other crew mates anymore. He just wanted to love this woman right now. "I never knew I would be capable of feeling this way" He confessed to her. "I am... I am in love" he says like he dont believe on it

"Finally captain"

"Now don't ever think about leaving me again, doll" Buggy said as he started smiling again. "I never knew that I needed your love, but now I can't live without it." He wanted to make sure she understood how he truly felt.

She kiss him , her hands layingon his sholders as his were lazilyplace on her hips "never"

kiss

"gonna"

kiss

"leave"

kiss

Buggy leaned into the kiss. He felt a bit shy as he kissed her back, but he enjoyed it. Y/n looked so beautiful to him, he wanted to kiss her all the time. "Never let go of me, doll" Buggy whispered.

"Never" she pulls him for another kiss, this time more deeper

Buggy started getting more into the kiss, as he tried to kiss her back with more passion. He started feeling like a man for the very first time. He liked the feeling of her lips on his.

For some unlucky reason, they could start to hear his crew walking back to the ship. Buggy have to put out the cold captain face back, as he can't let others, besides y/n, see his vulnerable side

Buggy pulled away. He wiped his lips. His eyes opened wide as he saw his crew coming back to the ship. "What took you so long!? We are leaving," Buggy yelled out, making his voice sound as angry as he could. He tried to look completely cold and indifferent to any of these feelings he was having. He needed to be the cold-hearted pirate captain he always is, at least in front of his crew mates. Y/n saw right through Buggy, and she was the only person who knew how Buggy felt right now.

[nardos-primetime]

first thing that pops up on my for you page from your blog:

i am so lost from where this guy came from. is this an au? also i am extremely jealous of their hair, i want it for no good reason. lmfao sorry for the weird question/ask.

He's from a newer au I haven't talked about yet! Don't feel weird for asking at all!

The whole au is like. Heavily inspired by Cyberpunk 2077 (a guilty pleasure of mine), it could technically be a crossover au, I guess? I dunno, but I'm lazy/like to do stuff for fun, so certain aspects are obviously going to be changed. I'm not totally settled on designs, but I think I'm gonna keep most of the design aspects from this drawing for the "finalized" concepts.

The main plot centers on Casey Jr being put under the care of the turtles by "Mother" soon after having a whole (unwilling) relic insert situation in his brain, leading to former star Lou Jitsu to be revived within his mind!

The issue is that all of the turtles aren't really. The best father figures. None of them even want anything akin to a child, and even if Casey is 19, these guys are Mercs. Outside of their own clubbing and shows they do gigs for cash, including dangerous ones, ESPECIALLY dangerous ones. Having this new guy is like, a total roadblock, especially because Casey still, somehow, despite Night City's clutches and the last group he was pressured into before this, has some morals about him. The only reason they didn't kill him and stage an accident is because Mother promised them financial compensation for caring for him.

So he's stuck with four new "dads" who mostly all hate him or find him annoying, and Lou is not any different, he also finds him naive but he dislikes the turtles as well because he's a jaded old fuck (major hypocrite, too).

While the turtles are baseline all mercenaries, they share some traits between each other instead of leaving it to a "one guy only" job in most cases.

Donnie has the most technical skill, falling mostly under Techie and Net/Edgerunner, he adores tech after all, he also has illegally dabbles in being a ripperdoc, primarily for his brothers.

Mikey is actually the fallback for general medical issues, including those involving backfiring implants. He's only better at this because he's dabbled in researching (and using) tons of remedies, mainly for pain. He's the guy who's helped Donnie when working on inserting implants in the others. He's even stayed awake during his own surgeries to help Donnie during his fuck ups and implants.

Leo, while not extreme netrunner levels, does hold some hacking knowledge, just what he needs to make things a little easier with anything but combat most of the time, as combat is what he enjoys the most within jobs. He also tends to be the one to make their deals with Mother.

Raph is mainly muscle. Not to say he's simple, it's just his main role and main focus, having grown much more protective over the years, often acting as a bodyguard for the others during their own shows (hence he has the least involvement with any of their music). He's the least of the bad influences for Casey, at least directly.

They used to have another member of the group a few years ago, a media. Or a media wannabe, at least.

They normally have some reference to her, even if small, hidden within their shows.

This is all, of course, not tapping into their mystics, which are a bit different in this au as well with how they work. Lets just say Mother allows them special permissions when it comes to mystic usage.

...at least those are some of the basic ideas I've been throwing around in my head for the story, lol. I like to throw ideas at the wall and see what sticks to me. The whole thing is technically a wip still but so are 90% of my aus tbh lmao, this onrs just a lot more wippy because it's mainly a "for fun" au and I also haven't been able to play cyberpunk for myself to brush up on things outside of research and sometimes a man is just... not up for that, especially lately with my attention span, I hope to brush up a little more again sometime soon and maybe even delve into some aspects from the og ttrpg perhaps, I'm not sure yet, though, haha.

Oops long post, huh? My bad </3

[redhoodinternaldialectical]

30 for the writing ask?

30: describe a fic that almost happened, but then didn't.

Whilst away from my computer and therefore all my WIPs, I started a little one shot titled "Who the Hill?" and actually the premise is easier to explain by just giving you what I wrote for the fic before I abandoned it lol!

The bass thud of the club rattles Jason's sternum and thrums through his organs pleasantly as he surveys the rest of the room from his spot in the corner. He's not really looking for anything in particular, just too in the habit of counting exits and tracking glasses to stop even when he's just here to be around other people having fun.

Then he sees Tim - or well maybe that isn't Tim - or no that is absolutely, definitely Tim - but probably Tim's not the right name for the spike and chain adorned person leaned against the bar with the dark, expressive makeup, the short, black skirt, and the high heel boots.

Then he's caught staring and (Not?) Tim's eyes go wide in what looks like fear and ah shit, there's no way he she was ready to come out to him, but hey, he can be cool, he can roll with this and make sure she knows he's not gonna be a prick about it.

Tim watches Jason approach with absolute dread, because he never, EVER wanted to have to explain the whole 'hi, I'm bi and I love the way my ass looks in a mini-skirt' thing to the most depressingly unavailable straight guy he's ever met. He braces for simply the most awkward 'so is this a sex thing?' conversation ever held between two vigilantes.

Instead though, Jason surprises him, "Sorry for putting you on the spot like this, but can I ask for your name?"

Tim blinks and realizes that between the makeup and the breast forms there's a very good chance Jason has no idea who he is! In fact he probably only intended to chat up some cute goth girl, and if he can manage to play along right he might get out of this with his secret intact!

He pitches his voice up a bit and hopes to god that feminine cadence and the loud music carries him, "Carolina, but you can call me Carol if you like."

"Cool! I dig the spikes by the way," Jason smiles like Carolina's name is some beautiful treasure he's been allowed to glimpse and the dread comes right back up as Tim realizes that he's somehow going to have to find it in himself to turn Jason down.

He ought to do it right now. He ought to tell Jason he's an awfully polite guy but she's already late to go home and dropped her phone in the harbor and is currently walking out the door-

[That paragraph's phrasing was inspired by this song hehehe]

But right now Tim is a weak, weak man, who chooses to pluck at Jason's jacket flirtily, "Thanks, I dig the leather and the white streak! You dye it like that?"

Jason gives him the most adorable deer-in-headlights expression back, "Uh, it's um, it's actually a cold brand? You can kinda see the scar around it if you look close."

"Wait like, liquid nitrogen and metal- deliberately?"

"I mean I dyed it the once, but then uh..." He trails awkwardly with a shrug, "I like it. Nice not to have to do anything more to keep it there. Kinda annoying it doesn't keep any other colors, but, ya'know." Another awkward shrug.

"Huh," He'd always assumed Jason just came back with it, but it being an injury instead actually makes a lot of sense? Was it really deliberate though or was he just saying that? "That's pretty fuckin hardcore."

Jason smiles again, feeling warm at all the compliments, and then internally panics.

Tim Carol is flirting with him probably?! That was not- did he say something weird? How did he come off like... And even if he did how the fuck is he supposed to handle this??

She's a girl, and he's very gay.

It feels sort of awful and cruel to think that he might fall out of love with her just because she changed a few words and her shape. Are human hearts really so fickle that the same person in a different cloth cannot be loved the same way?

At the same time though, Jason has historically been a solid six on the kinsey scale and he's sadly gotta admit the boobs are really not doing it for him. But maybe the above the belt feelings will stay? Is that how this works?? Or maybe he can just kinda... Coach himself through moving to a kinsey five???

He nervously fidgets with his hands and tries looking at her legs. He usually really likes Carol's legs and wants to do all kinds of things with them, and legs are things most people have regardless of gender... He attempts to force himself to focus on all the same features he usually likes, but it's just not the same with the heels and the skirt. The spark is gone.

This is so fucking stupid. He's stupid. This isn't how anything works and he should know it, and maybe he even does know it...

He just can't bring himself to give up on this, though. He's never had a crush reciprocate anything before, and now the world demands that he breaks both their hearts over basically nothing?!

He can't and he won't and he fucking refuses!

[Lots more awkward and not so awkward flirting flipping between their perspectives. Tim enjoying the power trip of turning Jason into a nervous mess just by being fem, thinking it's newly realized attraction that Jason can't normally feel towards him, and Jason panicking about whether or not he can be attracted to her at all. This goes on until they leave so Tim/Carol can catch his/her taxi]

Tim glances out at the road, and prepares to rip his own heart out by giving him a fake number, "Hey, um, I kinda ordered a taxi like before I even went out, so... text me?"

"Yeah sure, I've still got your number, and I'll see you back at the cave tomorrow anyways."

Tim, half turned away, goes rigid, "When the fuck did you figure out who I am?"

"What? Who the fuck else would I think you were?"

"A woman!"

"But like, you are a woman though??"

Tim stares at him, baffled, until the taxi driver leans on the horn and he decides to have this conversation on the way home. He grabs Jason by the wrist and hauls him into the car.

Jason hiss-whispers, "Wait are you in disguise right now? Did you just fucking use me for a case?!"

"No!" Tim hisses back while slamming the door shut behind him, "No, it's unfortunately infinitely more stupid and embarrassing for me!"

"Then...?" Jason gives him a confused gesture to spit it out already.

"I'm a crossdresser. My name's not any different. I'm not a woman. I'm sorry, I swear I didn't mean to lead you on, I just didn't know what the fuck to do when you came up to me asking for my fucking name."

And that's as far as I got before I abandoned it!

The problem I had with it and the reason I'm never gonna finish it is because there's not really a way to resolve the core tension/conflict that would be satisfactory to me. I need to emphasize here that I don't care about trying to find some kind of """"morally correct"""" way to end it, I just mean personally satisfying for me; any of the possible ways to end it would be morally fine, they just also all make me feel bad lmao

So like obviously the original resolution to the miscommunication was that Tim was a cis dude who just happened to be into dressing up in girly clothes and enjoying men's attention that way. That part on its own would be good, but it does mean that the moment of resolution from Jason's perspective comes out to being "Oh thank goodness you're not trans/not a woman/not a trans woman" and I don't feel great about that. Again, not a morals thing, it'd just leave a bad taste in my mouth.

My second idea was to have Tim realize he might be non-binary/a woman via Jason treating him like a woman and being so accepting of her. As a gay trans man who likes to cross dress in order to enjoy men's attention, this would give me bone dissolving levels of dysphoria!

There was also the problem of how to resolve Jason's sexuality.

As a gay man who spent many, many years of my life attempting to convince myself I was bisexual, any version of making Jason bisexual would give me bone dissolving levels of dysphoria! But like sexuality dysphoria instead of gender dysphoria. It would also eliminate an important source of narrative tension and character motivation.

The traditional version of keeping him gay would mean that Jason turns Carolina/Tim down altogether, which would break Jason's heart, and break Carolina's heart, and break my heart, and also turn the reveal into "it's a tragedy that you're trans/a woman/a trans woman". Infinite pain for zero gain!

I'd actually love to have Jason simply want to try being sexually intimate with an enby/woman Tim and have him decide he likes it even though he's still gay and still not attracted to Carolina/Tim at all. The experiences of sex having ace folks and people who have sex with people they aren't attracted to are really interesting to me and I'd love to explore that - if there was a bit more room to explore it right. This is a tiny one shot. I don't feel like I could properly convey that without putting in way more time and effort than I have to spare on this side project.

I MIGHT someday be convinced to finish this for a few different reasons, but for the forseeable future it won't be worked on. I have SO MANY PROJECTS that are better, more interesting, less awkward to handle, and already half published, like I got better things to do lol, so for now this is the one that got away.

In the meantime though: Please steal this!! If you find the premise interesting, especially if any of the versions that would give me bone dissolving dysphoria appeal to you, please take my words and write more onto them! I'd love to see some version of this finished someday, and I don't mind if someone (or several someones!) end up doing it instead of me, just lemme know if you do and throw a lil bit of credit my way and it's all good :3

[bcolfanfic]

hi hi! I would love to hear all the angst that happens during the time period where Bucky is drinking again and the build up to the intervention. Did Bucky struggle with drinking before this? How does he act when he’s drunk? How does buck react if Bucky tries to initiate anything intimate when he is drunk(if he ever does) does Bucky ever resort to other substances to cope? Does Gale feel ‘angry’ with Bucky for drinking to cope instead of coming to him for help, if so how does he deal with those em? Does he lash out or go self deprecating? Thank was a lot sorry! But I would love to hear your thoughts on literally any of these things or whatever you have thought about this time period so no pressure at all ofc!! I just absolutely love this au it’s so special to me 🫶🏻

lmao re: other substances i have a 'in my head wip' thing about *gale* having a bit of a pill problem. and rachel and i gave kenny that issue too once. poor boys </3 but re: bucky in my head he just sticks to alcohol. i think he has some issues with paranoia re: his ptsd and that something like taking pills or other drugs is just too shrouded in what ifs that drinking alcohol from the store isn't y'know?

timeline wise i think he was always *susceptible* to having a drinking problem but knew that to the extent that he kinda harm reductioned himself? drank quite often, got *drunk*, but esp being with gale was pretty good about having limits and sticking to them. which becomes shakier post-suicide attempt when he's picking up the pieces from a months long mental breakdown. starts to feel like it's all less scary to deal with if he's more "loosened up"- which is what starts the more for-emotional-comfort drinking ie: keeping a flask on him or around him almost 24/7.

my experience with alcoholism comes from someone i know really well- and the thing with them was that outside of like nighttime party drinking they could be drinking heavily during the day and about 75% of the time you wouldn't be able to tell if you didn't know them. when it's a habit like that you learn how to Function to hide the problem which i think bucky is pretty good at at least to begin with. plus he's always been more of a loose canon personality sober too, so to put it bluntly just ~being a little weird~ isn't necessarily a red flag.

but gale *does* know him, better than anyone so he does pick up on it eventually. which is hard at first because he *wants* to be wrong so so badly that he tries to brute force convince him he is. and then he finds a flask that john had hidden somewhere and the lying to himself about this being a capital p Problem gets a whole lot harder </3 doesn't even know how to bring it up because even though this is obviously /bad/ john is doing miles better than he was before his attempt. less nighttime episodes, less depression fatigue, seems a lot happier generally speaking. which gives gale so many conflicting feelings because it's different than the alcohol issues his dad had but. still issues. but not as bad so maybe its fine right? right?

i had a 'in my head wip' thing a while ago about john going out with some local buddies and getting a little 'lost along the way' getting back. ends up calling gale slurring his words begging to be picked up, which gale of course does but. poor john is a mess. needs quite a bit of help to get in the house, gets sick and now he *is* starting to remind gale of his dad which makes him itch so bad.

is so apologetic too when gale is helping him clean up and get into different clothes so he can sleep- and i think that's the only situation he'd really try to initiate something when drunk under. just feels so vulnerable and guilty and wants gale to kiss it better </3 kills gale to see him upset too when he has to reject him but just kinda. squeezes the back of his neck tells him not now and keeps chugging on getting him into bed so he can sleep.

coping wise i think gale goes right into self-deprecating mode. gets a bit angry during the whole debacle when they're in new york and john gets into that fight with croz and brady, because all their friends now know what's going on and he's embarrassed. but otherwise is real internal about it all. feels like he failed at Fixing him like he was supposed to and that they're never going to be truly settled/there's always going to be Something. which is also hard itself because he's so used to their life just being. like that. that he gets somewhat resigned too. even when curt is trying to push him on the intervention thing after the new york incident he has to pull teeth a little to get him on board because gale is just well. well it might not work /: it's fine i can handle him, i always have /:

couples therapy. couples therapy for everyone lmao but in all seriousness i do think this pushes them there once john is actually one foot in front of the other on the sobriety road. something they probably should've done after john's attempt to begin with it but they were a little in lalaland re: if john is okay gale will be okay and then we're both okay (: thinking.

[case-almost-closed]

Hey, I would like to ask a Gin x fem reader. Here's my idea and it's okay if you don't have time or inspiration for it!

Maybe some "critical" scenario in which he's about to get shot or badly injured (perhaps she's already on the organization and was very reliable to Gin, which is weird since he doesn't trust anyone, but then something happend and made him be suspicious of her; another idea is that she's not with them and that she has helped Akai, Conan, etc. Therefore she knew beforehand their plans on shooting him) and she kind of gets in the way or pushes him, therefore saving him? (Weird as well because he has even shot himself lol but maybe a bullet that was meant to go straight to his head). I know it may seem off character (or maybe we just haven't seen enough different scenarios of him), but maybe he shows appreciation, or is kind of surprised? I wouldn't know how to end it though.

The main thing was her saving him from anything and creating a better relationship, the other things were just ideas. It's so hard liking a character that's kind of like a cold wall, just... write it in your own way (I think you do it really well). Maybe make him show like- the closest thing he would demonstrate as gratitud or affection... I would gladly take something romantic but seems impossible with him and it makes me want to cry.

And sorry for making you write for him bc he's actually hard to represent but- there isn't enough writings about him I guess and it's making me anxious, at this point it's not even funny lol.

Playing with fire

Gin x fem!reader Words: 2.1K Warnings: Toxic "relationship", manipulattion, very toxic, it's Gin what did you expect? A/N: I am so incredibly sorry!! I totally forgot that this was sitting in my WIPs!!!! I hope it's okay, how it turned out though I'm not quite sure, it's that good. I tried the romance thing, but like you said, it's Gin.

She had known from the start that it would not be easy. Her mission - infiltrating the black organisation - was one that had failed many before her, many whose intention had not been to spy and eliminate the other members one by one. And yet this had not been the most difficult part. Nor had it been the hardest part to convince the other members of her loyalty. At first, she still remembered the face of the man she had had to kill, but by now she had to admit that she could hardly remember his features.

No, the hardest part had been keeping her priorities and true loyalties straight.

No one had warned her how much something like this could tug at your nerves, shake your mind until you no longer knew which way was up and which way was down, what was right and what was wrong. And the mysterious, silver-haired man in the hat certainly didn't make it any easier for her.

She had been warned about him. He would know no scruples, no mercy, no emotions. And she had loathed him, oh she had hated him, truly. He epitomised everything she had sworn to destroy. And yet time seemed to tear down her walls, hard and high, and every time he entered the room now, her eyes were glued to him. Every time he looked in her direction, her pulse quickened and her heart beat in her throat.

Every time he laughed, that small, knowing, dark laugh, she felt hot and adrenaline shot through her body, making her jittery.

She hated the feeling and loved it at the same time. It was wrong, it was poisonous. But, oh, it felt so good. Gin had her in the palm of his hand and he didn't even have to do much for it.

And yet, there was this one, this ethical, part of her that resisted it devastatingly.

That didn't want to accept that Gin had an effect on her, that was the only obstacle between Gin and control over her. And she clung to it desperately.

But today her dilemma was to come to an end. It was all planned and, from the looks of it, it would be successful. She, Gin and a handful of other members would meet in a remote, abandoned building to negotiate a deal. And if all went according to plan, it would be the last one Gin would sign.

She knew exactly where the sniper would be, where Gin would have to stand and from which direction the shot would come. One little movement of the finger on the trigger and she would finally be rid of these tormenting thoughts about Gin. After the other members, no more than two, were killed, she would fake her own death and go into hiding. The FBI would make it look like an accident and she would never have to worry about this organisation.

And yet she couldn't shake off this unpleasant, queasy feeling as she waited with him on the roof of the building. "You're distracted, Madeira." After all these years, she was already more familiar and comfortable with that name than her own. Gin didn't even look at her as he lit a cigarette, just stared at the door to the staircase entrance where the others would soon appear.

She endeavoured to look calm and impassive and leaned her arms on the railing, letting her gaze glide over the city. For a moment, she thought she saw a flash in the sniper's hiding place, but she was sure she had only imagined it. "It's not exactly interesting up here."

Gin still didn't look at her, just blew smoke into the cold night air. "It's not supposed to be interesting. Just beneficial." She could hear the rebuke in his voice and straightened up, now facing the entrance as well. "Of course." Discreetly, without moving her head, she looked down at the watch on her wrist. Ten minutes to go until the planned murder. Although, could it be called murder if it was for a good cause?

She struggled to look as normal as possible, to keep her heartbeat steady. Gin was excellent at reading her, even if she didn't know how he managed to take her pulse without even looking at her. Another five or six minutes passed and she was beginning to think they weren't going to turn up when muffled footsteps and laboured breathing sounded from the stairwell. She immediately straightened up, while Gin didn't change a bit. The only movement was the rising and falling of his chest, which was soon to stop forever.

She knew it was necessary, even right, but she felt this incredible urge inside her to do something about it. To push him aside, to warn him, just anything. Instead, she stood impassively in the background while Gin took up the negotiations. Well, that sounded like the other men had a choice. They didn't. Gin dominated the conversation as usual, subtle yet effective threats and even from a slightly further distance she could see the sweat of fear glistening on their foreheads. What the conversation was really about, however, she didn't know. Her gaze kept wandering back to her wristwatch, the hands of which were approaching the big 12 on the watch face far too quickly for her liking.

"We're done here." She glanced up from her watch - twenty seconds to go - and saw Gin satisfied, or at least as satisfied as he could look, accept the case and turn towards her, only to tilt his head slightly. "You're pale. Something's wrong."

Ten more seconds.

"I - " she faltered, the lump in her throat not allowing her to get any more out. The narrowing of his eyes was palpable, even if she couldn't see anything through the curtain of hair. Eight seconds.

"Spit it out," he ordered her and she flinched, not because of his rebuke, but because she had spotted the small red dot dancing across the brim of his hat. Five more seconds.

"I..I..." Gin snorted dismissively and turned away.

What happened next was so fast that she didn't quite realise what exactly happened, only that it had happened and that she had ruined the FBI's carefully devised plan. As if in slow motion, she saw the second hand on her watch creep up to twelve and something inside her stirred. Something that protested that it was wrong, not right, to kill this brilliant, intelligent man in front of her.

Her body reacted before her mind could follow. She leapt forward and crashed into Gin, causing him to stumble back at the exact moment the sniper in the building across the street pulled the trigger. It was silent, fast and would have been fatal without her, but instead of Gin's head, the bullet pierced her shoulder. As if in slow motion, she could see Gin's face contort, but not in shock or fear.

His face was an image of total satisfaction, the likes of which she had never seen on him before.

But as soon as the bullet had left her shoulder on the other side, she felt as if time was running twice as fast. She didn't even have time to scream in pain before she fell to the ground and banged her head against the railing. Black dots began to dance before her eyes and the last thing she saw was Gin bending over her before she lost consciousness.

~**~

It hurt a little when the man pierced her skin one last time with the needle to stitch up the wound, but she didn't make a face, her eyes still fixed on the floor in front of her. Anything to avoid looking into the corner where Gin was leaning.

The doctor - well, she didn't think he was really a doctor anymore - bowed slightly and left the room. She was tempted to call after him, to beg him to stay and delay the impending conversation with Gin even longer, but she remained silent.

The talk was unavoidable and the longer she kept him waiting, the worse it would get, she was sure of that. Because it was clear that she had been exposed. She had half-consciously overheard Gin talking to someone about the fact that she had revealed her true loyalties, which would be punished.

She wasn't stupid, she knew what punishment meant in the black organisation: death. If she was lucky, she would be shot in the head and it would be over quickly. If she wasn't so lucky, which she suspected she was, her death would be delayed and made as painful as possible, probably with an interrogation about her connection with the FBI. For the life of her, she couldn't explain why they had patched her up.

The door closed silently and they were alone, the only sound her heavy breathing, fuelled by the pain in her shoulder. She could feel his burning gaze on her, but she kept her own gaze lowered and remained silent. For a few moments, there was complete silence, which further strained her nerves, but she didn't dare let a sound escape her lips.

"That was stupid." Gin's words made her flinch slightly because, despite the fact that he was almost whispering, they seemed loud to her.

"But I don't have to tell you that, you already know that, right Madeira? Or should I call you agent instead?"

Still silent, she lifted her gaze to look him straight in the eye in defiance. If she was going to die, then not without putting up a fight, even if that fight consisted only of a glaring look. With his next words, however, he knocked her completely off balance.

"I already knew it. We all knew it. Well," he grinned slightly. "The important ones knew." His words drilled into her like more bullets, only they hurt more than the sniper's bullet ever could have. They had all known. All her work had been for nothing. She didn't ask 'how' because she doubted Gin would tell her. Besides, it was no longer important. Still, she couldn't hold back a few questions.

"Why?" Her voice sounded raspy and rough, though she didn't care. "Why didn't you kill me directly?"

Gin tilted his head slightly before taking a few steps towards her. Her body instantly stiffened on the cot. Far too close, he stopped in front of her and looked down at her. His hair had fallen so far from his forehead that she could see his eyes and there was something almost maniacal in them that sent a shiver down her spine.

"Because I knew you could be won over." One of his fingers grabbed a strand of hair and twirled it. "By the time we found out, several months had passed. The situation was starting to fray your nerves then. You were becoming easier to read and it was more than obvious to someone like me that you were starting to lose your focus, your loyalty." The strand fell back against her and Gin began to walk slowly around her, his shoes making a clicking contact with the ground.

"Because I knew you found me... interesting. And I could see how far I could take advantage of that."

Against her will, she blushed and Gin laughed darkly. "Oh, no need to be embarrassed, Madeira. If it makes you feel any better-" he leaned down so that she could feel his breath against her ear. "- I've taken a liking to you, too. Everyone loves a new, shiny toy. And let me tell you-" his fingers ran over the back of her neck, "-you've been my favourite in a long time."

She had to swallow because a lump had settled in her throat. Gin was playing with her, that much was clear, after all, he had just told her himself, but she didn't know why he was delaying her death. Was it for his own entertainment? To give her hope that she wouldn't die after all, just to put a bullet in her chest? She wouldn't put it past him.

Gin seemed to read her mind as he chuckled harshly. "Oh don't worry, I'm not going to kill you. You saved my life and I'm not giving up my new toy anytime soon. You've ruined your position with the FBI. At least the boss isn't inclined to kill you immediately." He moved again so that he was standing directly behind her. She didn't feel comfortable not being able to see him, but she didn't dare turn around.

"You're asking why I didn't have you killed earlier and still don't? Do you want the answer?" He didn't wait for a sign from her. All at once, his hand shot around from behind, grabbed her by the throat, squeezed and pulled her head back. His face was right next to hers, so she felt his breath brush across her face as he murmured his next words, which sent a shiver of pure fear and excitement simultaneously down her spine.

"Because I want to prove to them that I can break you."

[theotherbuckley]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

tagged by @nmcggg @underwaterninja13 @saybiwithme @your-catfish-friend @jesuisici33 @cal-daisies-and-briars @perfectlysunny02 @hippolotamus @wikiangela @smilingbuckley @diazsdimples @dangerpronebuddie @tizniz

How many works do you have on ao3?

18

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

92,593 !

3. What fandoms do you write for?

9-1-1 currently (previously criminal minds and lucifer)

4. Top 5 fics by kudos:

1. Because You're Exhausting 10K words (917 kudos) 2. Pancakes, kisses, and a little bit of TLC 4.8K words bucktommy (890 kudos) 3. I'll Take Care of You 5.1K words | buddie (879 kudos) 4. Cow Eyes 2.2K words | buddie (720 kudos) 5. Tripped and Fell 5.8K | buddie | E (464 kudos)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes💜 i try to respond to them all but sometimes i forget and then i feel bad because i get another comment and i cant respond to it because i didn't respond to the previous one but by then an extend period of time has passed and i feel weird about replying to the previous comment so i stop responding... oops.. also that time i go a few hate comments and it made me stop responding to comments on that fic

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Because You're Exhausting - uhhhh this is depression in 10K words its so fucking sad and you will need tissues and most of the comments on this fic are people telling me they cried so... yeah sorry about this (read the tags please for the love of god read the notes there's a lot of trigger warnings)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

There are quite a few with good happy endings but I'm especially fond of Cow Eyes i think its silly and cute

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yeah kinda - Because You're Exhausting has got a few mostly about the ending which i to an extent can understand but if you're going to be triggered by something please for the love of god READ THE WARNINGS IN THE NOTES - i don't wanna spoil everything but the tags on its own should have been enough to go hey maybe i should read the notes too asjkdaj so yeah a few hate comments on that

9. Do you write smut?

Yes! didn't for the longest time but yes yes I do :)

10. Craziest crossover?

I don't write crossovers

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope i think if i ever did id be so honoured I'd cry

13. Have you co-written a fic before?

currently writing one with @diazsdimples <3

14. All time favorite ship?

Buddie!!! (but I am really enjoying bucktommy atm)

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Healing fic is killing me rn - I may write a lot lot of angst but seeing buck so happy on my screen is making me struggle to write depressed buck but I will write it but also uni is killing me rn. this fic is over 17K so far with no end in sight so is by far my longest which I think is why its so hard

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm good at writing depressing shit

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Like the rest? Idk I struggle with dialogue tags and switching from dialogue to prose I think

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I love it but too scared to do it because I just speak English. But I love pet names etc in other languages.

19. First fandom you wrote in?

I think Sherlock bbc on wattpad when I was a kid and then Lucifer first on ao3. Looking back these are pretty trash idk what I was thinking but we all start somewhere.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Hmmm good question. Even though Because You're Exhausting is so sad I really do like it. Also running from myself (and the memories of you) (12K) which is also depressed!Buck but it's lighter and has a happy ending. Also both my chronic pain!Buck fics make me happy. Idk this is hard I can't choose.

I won't tag anyone since most people have done it but if you wanna do it then consider this your tag!

[darcylightninglewis]

Good morning!!! Sorry to bother but since you are the most knowledgeable person I know about Hellcheer can I ask you if you have ever read a fic where Chrissy survives Vecna and then joins the group to defeat him? Thanks in advance and have a great day!!!

Okay, first off, you're never a bother, ever.

Secondly, I am honored by your ask. Sorry for the delayed response, it's...it's been a weird emotional exhausting few days but we're back!

Where my brain immediately went to

Chrissy and Eddie’s Infinite Mixtape by @little-scribblers-heart

What may be (to my reading knowledge) the most epic rewrite of S4, really can't recommend LovelyThings enough.

(sooner or later it comes down to fate) i might as well be the one by @majicmarker

Another great one and one of the best stream of conscious Eddie writers I've ever come across. Their fics always make me laugh.

someone reaching back for me by @enoughtotemptme

Okay, this one is gonna make you sad, but eventually very happy too! It was the first groundhog style fix its fics I read for season 4 and introduced me to the writer's work who I also can't rec enough.

EDIT

OMFG, I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T INCLUDE @hangon-silvergirl!! Thank you for pointing out my mistake, @majicmarker <33

Bonus Tracks by @hangon-silvergirl

Everything by her is amazing and this is no exception. I love it when folks use things we learn from con's in fic (like Chrissy's would be Vecna song), superb. A WIP, but off to a killer start.

Now below these are ones that have been on my Marked for Later list because I'm just in need of pure uncut fluff these days but come highly recommended.

the pleasure, the privilege, is mine. by melodicvinyl

I just love the starting premise of this one, I can see it being a thing Eddie does to make her smile or it's actually his mundane superpower that finally comes in handy. Also love their other fics too.

Linger by CircusBones

Hawkin's High 10 Year Reunion! Class of 86! Chrissy Cunningham has built a life in California, far from the demons of her youth, from her mother to Vecna. There's people who were always good to her, though. Healing might have taken her away from them, and coming back has its own challenges. This story moves between the events of 1986, and Chrissy experiencing Hawkins ten years later.

I've read their shieldshock fics and love them so I'm sure I'll love this too.

like hands that tick on a clock by theredhoodie

What if Chrissy Cunningham wasn't Vecna's first victim, but she survived instead? How would that have changed things for everyone? A ST4 shippy rewrite.

aesthetic chills by sloelimbs

"aesthetic chills" is the literal translation of frisson, which is the feeling you get when listening to a really good piece of music.

put your lips close to mine, as long as they don't touch by Percyjacksonfan3

Here's the thing about Chrissy Cunningham: she actually is the straight laced dependable good girl that everyone thinks she is. She's also, until she starts having these weird visions that make her feel like she's going out of her mind, insanely bored. Or, alternatively, the fix-it AU where Chrissy doesn't die and she and Eddie try and figure out what the hell is going on with her. And with them. Also, the usual gang is there. Eventually. Because these two need some serious help fighting demons and figuring out that they are not just friends.

If I missed an author's tumblr name please forgive me, I'm preeeetty brain dead. If I missed any fellow Hellcheerios, please drop them in the comments as I'm sure this isn't an exhaustive list. But hopefully enough to get you started babes!!

Hellcheer to canon:

[grahamfolgersdeliciousnotebooks]

20 questions for fic writers

[EDIT: sorry if you got a notification that you were tagged in this post even though I didn't tag you. Tumblr's being weird about this one.]

Tagged by @cirrus-grey - thank you! (Also, sorry this took me like three months to do, executive dysfunction is a hell of a thing)

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

33

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

197,768

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The only fandom I've written for as an adult has been the Magnus Archives (and I actually have a lot of thoughts on why tma was sort of a perfect storm for getting me back into creating and consuming fanfic, but I'll spare you for now). There are a couple other fandoms I wrote for when I was in middle school back in the fanfic(.)net days, but some things are better left in the past.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Say You Love Me (Learn to Lie)

I'll take "A Flagrant Misuse of Beholding Powers" for 200

stay with me, hold my hand

Come, my dear, and be a part of my home

please, hurry, leave me, I can't breathe (please don't say you love me)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Sometimes. I really want to get more consistent about it, but my executive dysfunction makes it hard. My big problem now is that it feels weird to go back and respond to comments I got months ago, but it also feels rude to respond to more recent comments without ever responding to those older ones, so I'm feeling kind of stuck. One day, though, my ADHD will be properly medicated and I will get back to responding to every comment I get.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Angst is one of those things that I love to read but don't always think to write, so pretty much all of my fics have happy endings atm. The only ones that can really be said to have angsty endings are the pre-Unknowing and safehouse fics where the knowledge of what will happen next in canon makes any ending automatically bittersweet. With that in mind, let's go with Hold My Hand When My Courage Fails, because I DO think a pre-Unknowing kiss makes season 4 angstier.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Like I said, I write almost entirely happy endings, so it's hard to narrow this one down. I'm gonna go with Say You Love Me (Learn to Lie) because I threw in the completely unnecessary (but still necessary to me) detail that Sasha survives the Prentiss incident at the end of that one.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No! I've been very lucky on that front.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I haven't, though I might someday. As an ace person (somewhere in the sex-nuetral/sex-averse realm) I don't feel super confident in my ability to write good smut. It's really intimidating, but I'd love to try some day.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not really? The only thing I've written that could be crossover is my fic where Jonathan Sims competes on Jeopardy!, but I'm not really sure that counts.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

My AO3 history should make it clear I'm pretty fond of Jonmartin, but I'm also a big Griddlehark (tlt) fan.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I've started a tma fic that's essentially a Marple AU (with Gertrude as the Miss Marple surrogate) that plays with the idea of sleuth-as-Beholding-avatar, but it's very tricky to blend all the plot threads I want to include together into one cohesive mystery, so I don't know if it will ever get finished.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'll be honest, I don't think I'm a very good judge of my own writing, especially my strengths. It's not that I think I'm a bad writer necessarily, but I really struggle to pinpoint any one thing that I do well - especially because for every aspect of my writing I like, I can point to five writers in the same fandom who do that much better. Right now I'm just glad I'm getting stuff written at all.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I worry that my characterizations tend to be pretty thin. I also struggle in juggling more than a few characters at a time, and sometimes I will omit characters who logically should be in a fic just because I can't think of anything for them to do.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't have anything against it. I could see people running into problems if they write dialogue in a language they themselves don't speak (relying on Google translate, for instance) but in general I don't see anything wrong with it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The Uglies series by Scott Westerfield, back when I was in middle school.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Don't make me choose!

I might have to go with Say You Love Me (Learn to Lie) because that was the most fun I've ever had writing and publishing a fic - the response to that one was really great, and since that was one of the only times I actually managed a consistent release schedule, it felt really nice having that to look forward to every Tuesday.

But SYLM(LTL) was my answer for like half of these questions, so I'll also throw out Cut My Hair and Changed My Face (I'm Learning How to Forget That Place). I did a pretty terrible job of tagging that one and it didn't get a lot of hits, but it's one of my favorites. I love s4 Jmart angst, I love Jon & Daisy's s4 friendship, and I frankly can't believe it took me so long to write a fic combining the two.

[withered--s0uls]

What are V and J's reactions to Cyn?

Assuming this is for the Dormant Absolute Solver AU soo

V:

I just skimmed through the wip of the Ep6 re write I started for the DAS AU and

I actually didn't have V acknowledge her until they arrive above the labs, where V gestures at Cyn and asks if they're just going to take the child down there too (will need to go back and squeeze in some V reaction a little bit. The AU POV is Cyn and N centric with sometimes Uzi pov tho)

She honestly wouldn't trust her, seeing as she already doesn't trust Tessa during Ep6, I think bringing Cyn along would make it far more suspicious for V - like "how did you know the AS moved to this planet specifically? What do you mean Cyn doesnt remember major parts of what happened?" etc

She basically just finds the whole thing very suspicious, but they don't get much time to interact during the Ep6 plot due to Cyn sticking to N as if they're glued by the hip meaning Cyn is separated from V and Uzi and instead is with N and Tessa for most of the time before V sacrifices herself

J:

With EP 7 dropping I'm still re writing parts of J and Tessa's relationship with Cyn but I can give the different concepts for J? I need to wait until Ep8 to confirm whether or not J knows about the whole Tessa situation

Under Cut Due to Episode 7 Spoilers

Regardless of the situation, J has "respawned" after Tessa died. Doesn't matter which of the AS, Cyn & Tessa situation I settle on out of the ones I have so far

Option 1:

J knows about the AS taking over Tessa and therefore knows of its plan to use Cyn as a tool to manipulate N

The AS was in contact with her, we do know that. Whether she knew it wasn't the company or not is up in the air (or the company is being controlled by the AS too bc "Tessas" Name Tag hm) -- if she knows it's the AS then she already knew about Cyn being there and wouldnt react much. [[If she doesn't know and thinks its actually the company, she might have gone into a defense (see her "prior hazard" reaction to the railgun) before "Tessa"/The AS calms her down -- however this wouldnt be in the version where she knows of Tessas death]]

She has no opinion on Cyn. Similarly to how she seemingly doesn't care for N really; she sees her as defect and will gladly take the opportunity of getting rid of her and possibly N too

Sorry J likers, I interpret her situation with N as her being abusive towards him, and seeing as this AU is Cyn and N centric that kinda puts J into a bad light in this AU bc its told from her victims POVs

Option 2:

J doesn't know about the AS controlling Tessa, genuinely believing it's her which results in her not knowing about Cyn

This would be the version where she doesn't know that it wasn't the company who sent her the missions

100% tried attacking Cyn when first meeting her, only to be stopped by "Tessa"/The AS

Shes kinda really weirded out that "Tessa" would keep Cyn around, let alone keep her safe from being disassembled and disposed of. Not to mention bringing her to Copper-9

Js is a HUGE WIP -- I'll need to wait if we get more info on Js situation and knowledge with and about the AS and company to properly set something up

[diazsdimples]

hi james,

first of all I really am sorry that you're having such a hard time and going through a difficult situation and hopefully things get better and you do too.

I started following your blog a little while ago, so I don't really "know" you, but I've read some of your work and the wips you're working on and let me say it, you're such a good writer james! I also noticed the support you get/got from people on this app and it's sweet to see that you have people caring about you. I hope you have people beside you irl too, people that have your back ;)

but other than being a wonderful writer, I like to think you're a good person too, by the way you simply reply to people on your asks, with nothing other than kindness, or interact with your moots.

anyway, I hope you didn't find this so weird, since it's literally the first time I wrote to you and we "don't know" each other, but yeah I kind of wanted to "cheer you up" a little bit since you're going through a difficult time.

(hopefully I didn't cross any lines 😬)

I hope things get better soon for you.

sending lots of love and hugs 💙❤️

God I've been staring at this ask for the best part of today and wondering how the hell I answer it because nothing seems like enough? I just want to say thank you for your incredibly kind words, both in terms of encouragement and about my writing 😅 it has been a really difficult last couple of weeks/months but with support from my friends, both irl and through here, I've managed to keep my head above water. And I've found a lot of comfort in writing, though I might not be publishing all of it. One day at a time and I'll get there.

But thank you again for your words, they really brightened my day 💙

[lennsart]

what is the autism fic about?

this is starting to feel like bullying-WHOSE FEELINGS ARE ETTING HURT???

and b*tch are you okay, is someone having a breakdown in there omg FEED ME

Ooooo you really sniped two of my most dark fics out of the three you chose 😂

I've already answered about "This is starting to feel like bullying" so I'll answer for the other two !

Let's start with the softer one :

- The Autism fic

"The Autism fic" is about... What's in the title ! lmao

It is also one of the Legend-centric one, but everyone has an important role and will get their moment to shine :)

Directly from my notes :

"Everyone is autistic 🎉

Legend has been raised to hide and mask it, and is ""conditionned"" to think it's rude to let autistic traits show

So at first most of the Links are like "wow, what an asshole"

[...]

Time and Wars are going full parents mode, they want everyone to feel comfortable in the group, so they try to protect them from ableism... which Legend does without knowing what it is

So they don't get along well

Actually it's like :

Know they are autistic and what it means :

- Warriors (spent a lot of time researching trauma response and the way the brain worked after the war (firstly to help his friends))

- Time (learned the terms during the war)

- Four (not the exact word, but he knows about neurodivergence)

Know they are "different" :

- Hyrule

- Sky

- Legend

Never really thought about it :

- Twilight (when he was a rancher it perfectly met his needs (I'm sure petting goats when you're overwhelmed is like THE remedy) and afterwards, some people were rude in castletown but he thought it was because he was a villager)

- Wind (is seen as a hyperactive and curious kid but not really more)

Wild is special because he knows, but also think it's because of the 100 years sleep thing ? And who cares, he saved the world and spend most of his time alone anyway."

I have the story planned out and a few scenes written, but it's mostly ideas and random scenes, it's far from being done (and not the wip I'm working on right now !)

Basically, in the downfall timeline people get more scared of difference and intolerant (maybe even because the fallen hero was autistic and they're like "well look how that turned out", but it's... A pretty sad idea). So Legend has been raised to hide it, and have constently been told that the way he acted (stimming, questionning social cues and stuff) was rude, unproper, and more importantly, dangerous for him.

I'll put the beginning here, because it summarize the whole thing pretty well, but I'm sorry for the length of this answer zhehhzehbhbezhez

Snippet :

"Apparently, the weirdness was a hero thing. 

Legend was quite puzzled upon this discovery. He had thought his whole life that the weird was a 'him' thing, and a bad one. That what was natural to him was very rude and that he needed to change it.

[...]

He was used to conceal.

He was used to act, smile and look in the eyes and laugh with everyone else. He was used to control, checking every few minutes if his hands were still and quiet. He was used to pretend to be like everyone else, and to be able to release those barriers when he was home, to collapse for an hour or so in his room, in the dark and under his covers.

Somehow, when he traveled during quests, he got surprised to note that he was less tired from a day of walking and exploring than from a day in town. Somehow he felt more like himself when he was alone on the road and bouncing on his feet when he saw a fun animal that he had never seen before.

Somehow, he had associated that feeling with travels.

And he was quickly understanding, as he spent time with other heroes, that he should have associated it with being alone.

He couldn't rest. Well, no, he could rest, they slept on the road and they didn't overwork themselves, but he couldn't rest like he did at home. 

Because everyone would see, and it wasn't because they had some of the weird that they would accept all of his.

The first few days, he managed. He had met the heroes while in a bad mood, and didn't bother to force any smile he didn't want to. They categorized him as grumpy, and not only was that fair, "grumpy" was an incredibly easier role to act on than "agreeable".

(Probably because it was less polite, but... It was a bit late to be, and they didn't seem to mind too much.)

But after a while, it started to wear him out.

He joked less and mocked more. He was more tired and thus less considerate. He didn't manage his tone as well, nor his facial expressions.

He played with his rings a lot (which was an acceptable way to let out some steam, he had found out while observing adults in town, but only as long as it didn't become obsessive). He felt frustrating needs to just gesticulate nonsensically until his body felt less stiff, less foreign, more... Right.

He didn't feel right, was what it was.

And he resented the other heroes for not making any effort."

- Bitch are u okay

I want to clarify one thing : when a wip have a funny title, most of the time they are speaking to me !

"This is starting to feel like bullying" meant bullying towards Legend, that I kept writing whump about.

So the question "bitch are u okay" is directed towards ME, and the answer is no :D (at least when I started writing this)

This is legit the heaviest wip I worked on :)

To put it simply, Legend is depressed, very much so, and Dark Link feeds off the heroes' negative feelings. This doesn't mix well as you can guess !

The first part of the fic would be a descent to hell. Poor Lege is already struggling, and the more he tries to make an effort and do things, the more he feels like he messes up. So why try at all ?

I think I have written about darker themes, but the fact that this is often Legend's POV makes it kind of... Hard to read, in a way ?

I only write on this wip when I'm either in a good mood and know it won't affect me, or when I struggle and need to vent, no in-between because then it would make me feel down.

And, yeah, Legend is having a breakdown in this one. A big one 😅

But what is important to me is that the second part of the fic is about healing. It's about how having a good support system helps, how healing isn't linear but progress is always progress. It's not just a vent fic, I want Lege to get better, dammit !

The thing is, I like "healing" as a theme for my fictions, and the next long fic I plan on posting also speaks about this (with a twist). I just don't know if I should fuse those two fics (but I'll lose some of what makes them special in both cases) or if I should just assume that I'm always writing the same stories in different fonts 😆

I don't have a big snippet for this one, but just to set the tone, it starts like this :

" It's just one of those days.

Legend wakes up, barely opens his eyes, and suddenly, existing is too hard.

Getting up and eating and talking with friends sounds like torture. Having to wait for the night to be able to curl up under his covers is already an ordeal, and for Nayru's sake he's not even out of his bedroll yet. "

(I'm sorry for the length of this post oh my god now THAT is rambling)

[kookygranger]

Hi!

I'm so late!

But I'd love to know about HF!E

for the wip game!

Thank you, Betty! ✨

HF!E stands for High Fidelity!Eddie. It isn't a HF au it just takes place in a record store and I didn't have a name for it. It was an idea for a one-shot inspired by this playlist featuring gothic/spooky songs before goth was a genre.

It made me think about Eddie who just moved to Chicago with Corroded Coffin and is slowly being accepted by the scene. Reader works at a record store and is playing this mixtape over the speakers and Eddie very much falls in love.

I started writing it and then didn't really like it but here's a lil' snippet:

“What the fuck are you listening to anyway?”

“I made a pre-Halloween mix. Music that lead to goth before goth was a thing.” You frown as you try to unstick a bright red sticker from the price gun you’d been tapping on the pile of vinyl.

Eddie smiles to himself as he continues to pretend he’s browsing and not tuning into your conversation.

“Are you going to The Allied tonight? There’s some new band from Indiana or something playing, apparently they do a sick cover of Master of Puppets.”

Eddie pauses in his faux perusing for a second as he awaits your reply.

“I wasn’t really planning on it, no.”

The guy huffs, “No? What was your plan, going home to sulk to The Velvet Underground?”

“I don’t sulk–“

“You do when you listen to The Velvet Underground.”

“What do you want me to do? Pogo to Heroin? Anyway, I was gonna work on an article actually.”

“Why don’t you write about this band tonight? Tim says they’re pretty good. He saw them a couple of weeks ago at the Metro.”

“Tim said that about that god awful noise band that played at De Salle’s. It was the worst four hours of my life. I thought my ears were actually going to bleed.”

“Whatever, you say that like you’re not currently playing the most depressing German synth music that nobody in their right mind would listen to.” He points out the new song playing from the speakers behind you.

“First of all, this is David Bowie’s Low. And if you knew as much about music as you claim to, you’d know that this was his seminal work in his Berlin era and an ambient soundscape masterpiece. Secondly–“

“I like it.”

Both of your heads shoot up at Eddie’s interruption. He blushes and clears his throat as you catch his eye and the corner of your mouth quirks up. “Sorry, I just–it’s a good mixtape. I like the theme.” He frowns and shakes his head at himself, he doesn’t know what came over him. Who is this guy that’s bothering you, anyway? You have amazing taste and he’s pretty sure you’re the most angelic thing he’s ever seen. You gesture in his direction and look back at the guy that’s teasing you.

“The customer is always right, Simon.”

Eddie moves quickly to the B section and finds the album you were talking about before heading over to you.

“Did you find everything you need?” You smile at him sweetly as you hop off the counter and take the record from him. “I’m sorry, I should’ve asked before. Customer service isn’t exactly my strongest skill.”

The guy, Simon, snorted. Eddie couldn’t take his eyes off the way your face lit up quietly when you realised what album he picked.

“What are your strongest skills?” That was such a weird question Munson, what the hell?

You looked up at him a little taken aback, before a small smile crept up on your face.

“Talking about music…or” you shake your head in contemplation, “writing about it actually.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Maybe it’s not so much a skill, more like an obsession.”

“She’s actually kind of good.” Simon butts in with a shrug and you roll your eyes.

“Such a high compliment cuz.”

You were cousins. He still had a shot.

“You write for magazines?” Eddie asks.

“Zines mostly,” you point to a stack of xeroxed pamphlets on the counter, “but I’ve published a few reviews with Spin and The Face.”

Eddie raises his eyebrows, “That’s pretty cool.”

You breathe out a laugh and take the cash he hands you, collecting his change. “Thanks.”

“Wait, you're Eddie, right?” He turns to Simon, almost forgetting he was there. “Your band’s playing at The Allied tonight? I met your drummer Gareth at a show last week.”

“Uh yeah that’s me. We’re called Corroded Coffin.”

“Cool name.” You smirk and hand him his record wrapped in paper. Eddie tucks it under his arm, his dimples showing as he smiles back at you.

“Thanks.”

“You’re from Indiana then?” You call back to Simon’s earlier statement, as Eddie doesn’t make a move to immediately leave.

He rubs the back of his neck as he nods, “Yeah. Just moved here a couple of months ago with my band.”

“Welcome to Chicago, Eddie.” You smile and introduce yourself, “Let me know if there’s ever anything I can do for you…vinyl wise I mean.”

“Thanks,” he scratches the stubble on his jaw before stepping away from the counter. “Maybe I’ll see you tonight at the show?” He tries to keep his voice casual, but there’s a hint of hope in there.

You bite your lip and shrug, “Yeah, maybe you will.”

Eddie nods and takes his queue to leave, the bell jingling again as he steps back out into the cold.

“Yeah, maybe you will.” Simon mocks you in a breathy imitation and you roll your eyes. “So now that you know the singer is cute are you coming?”

“Obviously! You better get me on the door list, or I swear to god I’m telling Aunt Carol about the stash in your underwear drawer.”

Okay, there were a lot more High Fidelity references than I remembered. Fun fact: I have read the book and watched the film and HBO reboot so many times I could quote word-for-word. I also dressed up as Zoe Kravitz's Rob for an office Halloween party once, complete with the Wings Over America live album that she talks about in that scene with the misogynistic cheater. Only one girl got it because she was a fan of Zoe Kravitz lol.

[jinkookspencil]

bts x halloween couples costumes

Description/Tags: Fluff / OT7 Scenarios / No Smut At All / This is an OT7 post that is basically little scenarios of each member and their s.o., but they’re inter-connected - they’re all getting ready to go to a couples costume Halloween party hosted by Hobi and his S.O! I'm sure you can guess what Hobi has planned.... You don’t have to read every member, it’s just that that’s the setting in my head and some members are mentioned in some of the other members’ scenarios.

Author’s Note: I had the idea to write a post on this a while ago, but I completely forgot about it and I just wrote this on a whim. I wanted to try something different! Pretty happy with how it came out, it’s my first time writing like this for a few of the members so I’m at least glad I tried that. I’m sorry it’s taking me longer to post my other WIPs! I’m not that proud of my Namjoon drabble I planned to post but I might just upload it soon. Also I sincerely want to thank you guys for all the love on take off your glasses - i didn't expect it to blow up and i think i reached 2 follower milestones since then, so thank you sm!! (gifs are not mine! can't find original sources, so please lmk if i should just remove them from the post)

namjoon

“Honey, I have a couples costume idea for Hobi’s Halloween party!”

“Oh, really?”, Namjoon asks, walking over to you from his office chair upon hearing you at the door. “I thought you were matching with Jin’s girl? And me and Jin were gonna do a Pokemon one? Wasn’t that the plan?”

“It was… Wait did you and Jin get your costumes yet?”

“No,” he sighs. “It felt weird if one of us was Ash and the other was Pikachu then we just couldn’t decide who got which Pokemon onesie. Now he wants Charmander and I want Bulbasaur, but they only had Eevee and Squirtle and.. forget it. I, of course, want to match with you instead. What’s up, what’s your idea?”, he rubs your shoulder. 

“Okay so, I have two ideas.”

“Of course you do.”

“Shh,” you smile. “The first one is a bug catcher and a butterfly. You’ll be the bug catcher and I’ll be a butterfly. You can wear a khaki or brown vest and shorts with a bucket hat and a net in your hands, and I’ll wear wings and do my makeup all pretty,” you say proudly, batting your eyelashes jokingly before looking at Namjoon to see his eyes in a crescent moon shape due to the wide smile on his face.

“That’s adorable, baby. I love it. My pretty butterfly,” he says, squishing your face. “I’m good with that, it already beats me and Jin’s onesies. What’s the other idea?”

“I think you’ll like this one more.”

“Oh?”

“So…. we’d need some more help with this, maybe Jungkook can come over and help us out since he’s a great painter, but…. What if we were Van Gogh and his sunflowers? We ca-,” you stop for a moment and restrain your smile, taking in the sight of Namjoon’s eyes widening. 

“We can do it in so many different ways, babe. We can both be covered in paint, you’re his self-portrait and I have sunflowers painted all over me. You can just dress as he does in that portrait of his with the hat? Maybe even with the bandaged ear? And I’ll have sunflowers in my hair either way. What do you think?”

Namjoon doesn’t answer, but pulls your head closer to his to meet your lips, sighing against them after a kiss. “I love you.”

“Nice, huh?”

He quickly kisses you again on the lips, staring at you in adoration with a big, heartwarming smile on his. “Amazing. My beautiful genius.”

“So? Which one?”

“The second one,” he laughs. “Is that okay? Let’s leave the butterfly for next year…..” Namjoon’s voice trails off, and suddenly he’s staring at the corner of the ceiling.

“Wh…. You’re thinking of more art costume ideas we could do, huh?”

"There's American Gothic too...." he mumbles before his gaze returns to you. “Have I told you that I love you?”

seokjin

“Seokjin, no.”

“Honey!”

Your plans for Hoseok's Halloween party were set. You and your bestie would match while your respective boyfriends - Seokjin and Namjoon - would match, a genius twist on Hoseok's "couples costume" theme this year. But when she texted you telling you the plans were off and that she’d be matching with Namjoon, you were back to square one and broke the news to Seokjin.

You didn't think it could get any worse..... But he got an idea when he heard that one of their initial costume ideas was a bug catcher and a butterfly.

“Seokjin. I am NOT dressing up as a FISH.”

“Why not?!” he pouts. “You’ll be a fish and I’ll be a fisherman! It’s cute!”

“Seokjin, I’ve been to Hoseok’s parties before, everyone is going to be in their most amazing, creative costumes and I’m going to be a fish? I still have to make a good impression on some of your friends!”

“Honey, everyone already loves you, don't worry about that. And we’ll be sitting in the corner talking to each other and the guys like we always do.”

“But a fish, Seokjin?”

“Yes, what’s wrong with it?” he defends. “You know I love seafood!”

“To eat! But dressing up AS a fish?!”

“You don’t get it, honey. It’s because you’re a CATCH.”

Seokjin’s expression brightens at his own ‘genius’, and you try to restrain a smile - you always admired his ability to make a pun out of every situation.

“But I’d be a FISH, Seokjin. A DEAD and SMELLY CATCH.”

Now it's his turn to laugh, but he erupts rather than holding it in. “Honey, you’d be my favorite hobby! Well, you already are,” he winks, “but you know what I mean.

Put on a little extra of that floral perfume you always wear and we'll say you're a magical fish from a pond that smells like roses and can survive out of water."

“I can’t believe I’m dressing up as a fish for you, Seokjin.”

“Yes!!!!” he cheers, kissing your forehead. “Thank you, honey. Ah, be prepared, I’ll go around all night making that catch joke.”

“Why couldn’t we have been Mario and Peach? We have those costumes in our closets….. Can’t I at least be a mermaid?”, you slump. “Like you caught a mermaid?”

“Honey, that’s not realistic.”

“I’ll find a way to be a sexy fish,” you pout.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

yoongi

“Okay.”

“Okay?” you make sure.

“Yes,” Yoongi nods. “I like it.”

“Tell me honestly.”

“Honestly?,” Yoongi asks. “It’s a bit uncreative for a couples costume idea, darling, but I like it……… But judging by the expression on your face, you don’t believe me.”

You hadn’t noticed your eyebrows were furrowed until Yoongi pointed it out. “You just said it was uncreative, Yoongi.”

“Gomez and Morticia Addams is not a creative couples costume idea! It’s been done, but I like it.”

“Well, you come up with something, if you’re so good at creative costumes!”

“Darling, let me finish. I like it. You know why? Because it’s accurate,” he says.

“Accurate? What does that mean? Because you’re pale?”

Yoongi chuckled before turning his chair to face you completely. “It’s accurate to me and you. I remember watching that Addams Family movie and Gomez was so in love with his wife…. And I’m madly in love with mine. What’s that thing he tells her? ‘To live without you, only that would be torture’? That.” Yoongi blinks. “I like it because it’s accurate. Okay?”

You grab Yoongi by his cheeks and pull him towards you in a kiss.

“What the fuck, Min Yoongi?!”

“What?! I just said it’s accurate! Just draw the mustache on me. Gomez and Morticia Addams…. I like it.”

hoseok

“Wait, what did you tell everyone we were dressing up as?”, you ask your boyfriend from the makeup chair.

“Woody and Bo Peep from Toy Story,” Hoseok replies from the armchair beside you.

“Oh that’s going to be hilarious,” you smile for a moment before instantly suppressing it so the makeup artist couple complete your look. “They won’t see this coming. Are you completely done?”

“Yep,” he replies.

“So are you,” the makeup artist replies with a final stroke of her brush. “Take a look, Mrs. Frankenstein.”

When Hoseok said he’d take care of everything and would go all out, he really meant it. The makeup artist he hired did a great job at somehow making you look both fabulous and creepy, and so did the hairstylist, who gave you permanent white streaks in your hair as per your request, to surprise Hoseok after the party. Even the sort of wedding dress you wore was tailor-made as per Hobi’s insistence, but he let you have a hand in designing it, resulting in an edgy, fitted white dress that was a mini at the bottom to show off your thigh-high boots and a lacy corset on top of a short-sleeved lacy top. You looked like a rockstar version of the Bride of Frankenstein and turning to Hobi as he got up to take a look at you, you realized he looked like one too. Green all over with dark circles under his eyes, but a rockstar nonetheless… Hell, he even made the bolts on his neck look natural and cool. Where did he find this team of artists to put together your looks?! Sure he loved spoiling you, but this was almost too much, even for Hoseok.... and it didn't help that he was fidgeting all day, which he only did when he was incredibly nervous, setting you on edge as well.

“You look so cool, baby,” he smiles, hands in his pockets. “Ready for the party? We should get going now so we can start welcoming the guests in.”

“I think I am... Baby, you look amazing… we look amazing,” you say, taking in your look. “But there's something.... different about tonight. Don't you feel it? You don't seem like yourself too."

As soon as the words leave your mouth, you regret it, because suddenly, it's as if he hadn't had jitters the entire night. "I'm fine, baby. I'm excited! This is going to be the best party I threw, I planned so many things that even you don't know about. How about you? How are you feeling?"

"I can't describe it. I’m kinda nervous or… excited but in a way, I’ve never felt before.”

“Why?,” he laughs. “This isn’t the first time we’ve hosted a party together.”

“I know, but this feels…. big? Different? I don’t know why.”

“It’s nothing, honey. Forget that stuff about it being the best party, it's just another party! Besides that are you feeling okay or is something bothering you?”

“No, I’m fine, it’s just…,” you look Hobi in his eyes, “something feels different.”

Hoseok’s smile grows as he shakes his head. “It’s just a Halloween party with all of our friends, who love us. No reason to be nervous.”

You nod, taking his hand in yours. "I don't think it's nerves."

“Can I tell you something funny to help ease you?”, he says.

“What?”

“I heard Jin made his girlfriend dress up like a fish.”

You and Hoseok burst into a cackle, despite that he already knew of the fact.

“Knowing her, she’ll find a way to make it cool, though,” you say. “That helped, baby. I’m ready.”

“Good,” he smiles, touching over his jacket pocket before grabbing your hand. “Let’s go, my beautiful bride.”

jimin

“Jimin, are you home?” you yell from the bedroom upon hearing the front door slam.

“Yes!” he calls out. “Who else would enter with a key?”, you hear him gush under his breath. His voice and his excited face are too adorable for you to get annoyed…. and you had a pressing issue at hand.

“Baby, hi. So I’m kind of stressed because I couldn’t come up with anything to wear for Hoseok’s party.”

“Oh, right, when is it?” he asks calmly.

“Jimin, it’s Halloween. It’s tomorrow.”

“Oh!”, he gasps. “Then I’m in trouble too. Isn’t it supposed to be a couples costume thing too?”

“Fuck. What do we do?”

“I actually think I still have my Mickey Mouse ears that I got from that Disney trip with the boys…. How about Mickey and Minnie?”

You had discovered that Jimin was even more of a sweetheart than he seemed as you got to know him, but this was damn near one of the sweetest suggestions he had ever made in all your time together. “Mickey and Minnie?!”

“Yes! Do you have Mickey or Minnie ears?”

“No….” you reply shyly.

“Then let me ask Jungkook, and I’ll make a note to take you to Disneyland,” he smiles, but it almost immediately turns into a frown. “Ay, I forgot he got Donald Duck.”

“I can probably do my hair up in little buns?” you suggest.

“You’d look adorable, baby.”

“But what would we wear?”

“Just black? We might look weird, huh?”

“Why did we both forget?! I want to match, Jiminie, you can’t suggest Mickey and Minnie and just give that up, it's too cute but we'll look like Mickey and his weird rat girlfriend instead of Minnie.... but I can’t think of anything!”, you whine with your forehead against his chest.

You feel his chest vibrate beneath your skin, and the sound of Jimin's giggles nearly makes you forget the issue entirely. “Baby,” he giggles. “You won't look like Mickey's weird girlfriend. It’ll be okay, even if we show up in our normal clothes with no costumes and say we’re dressed as us.”

You lift your head up and stare at Jimin. “Dressed as us?”

“Mm,” he says calmly.

“I have an idea," you reply. "What if we dressed as each other?! I know we borrow each other’s stuff sometimes but we still have different styles right'? What if I went dressed as you and you dressed as me?! I think we can use whatever’s in our closets…”. You stare off in the direction of your wardrobe trying to form a mental image of all the outfits you both had. “What do you think?”

Jimin tilts your head so he can look you in the eyes. “I love it. Unfortunately for Hoseok, for a couples costume party, we’ll be the most coupley couple there and we didn’t even have to think about it too much… this is why we’re PERFECT together, babe...." He brings his soft lips to the top of your head. "I love you."

taehyung

“Taehyung, isn’t this a bit of a sad costume?”, you ask your boyfriend while applying lipstick in the mirror.

“What do you mean?”, he replies suddenly appearing behind you in the reflection, in full costume.

“Well, Bonnie and Clyde?”

“Yeah?” he raises his eyebrows.

“Well, you know…” 

“I know…. what?” his eyes widen.

“Well, it’s a real story and I know we’re going off of the movie, but they die at the end.”

Taehyung licks his lips, his eyes darting around the room…. 

“You didn’t finish the movie, did you?”

He cringes, a faint shade of red appearing in his cheeks. “I slept before the ending.”

“And you didn’t even see it coming?”

Taehyung covers his mouth with his hand, biting his index finger. “I’m sorry.”

“Baby,” you sigh, turning around and cupping his face in your hands. “Why are you sorry? It’s a classic couples costume. I just said it’s kind of sad but you know what else it is?” His eyebrows raise quickly in question.

“It’s sexy. Well, not Bonnie and Clyde, that feels kind of weird and wrong to say. But this whole 1940s type of clothing on you, on us,” you say, your hands roaming over Taehyung’s chest before fiddling with his suspenders. “I know you like to wear this type of thing often, I mean, hey, you didn’t even have to buy anything, you just got everything from your closet but…. It feels good to actually wear them, you know? I’m not sad at all. I wanna walk into that party with my partner in crime.”

He brings the tip of his index finger to your chin, slowly kissing you… and as he breaks away you notice a bit of your red lipstick stains his upper lip. 

“Partner in crime, huh?”, he asks, a smug smile on his face.

“Uh-huh,” you giggle, wiping off the lipstick from his lips.

“I like that. Let’s go, pudding,” he jokes in an exaggerated, undetectable accent as he wears his fedora, grabbing your hand too excitedly as he makes for the door in a laugh.

jungkook

“Baby, isn’t Hoseok’s party in like 3 weeks? It’s the beginning of October!”

“And we’re already too late!,” Jungkook complains. “Look, I don’t mean to outshine anyone in that party, especially not Hoseok since he’s got a lot planned, but we need to have an amazing costume, baby, just for our sake.”

“Okay, so, any ideas?”, you ask.

“Too many to choose”, he says. “It’s a couples costume party, right? So I thought about the most romantic place to look for inspiration since I’m so in love with you and this is an opportunity for me to show everyone how madly we’re in love with each other.”

“Oooh, I like where this is going… Let me guess. Something from Jane Austen? Pride & Prejudice?! Or Shakespeare? Is it Romeo and Juliet?”

“Shakespeare? Jane? What? No, that feels like something only Namjoon and his fiancee will understand. No, baby….,” he pauses for dramatic effect. “DISNEY!”

“Disney?” you ask.

“Yes!” he says excitedly. “Do you… not like it?”

For the split second before your answer, you cringe at the idea of you having to wear a Cinderella-like ballgown, or an Aurora-esque dress… It was the first thing your mind went to, and it was the farthest thing from a costume you’d like to wear, but seeing the sparkle in Jungkook’s eyes, you couldn’t say no.

“I like it!” you reply, trying to match his excitement. “Which couples were you thinking? Cinderella? Snow White? Jane and Tarzan? Belle and The Beast”

“Cinderella and Snow White? Me, the Beast? What? Baby.....no,” he laughs. “ Where is your head at today? Imagine you in a Cinderella gown, I mean I think you’re always beautiful but that’s just not you.. Right?” he asks.

….Well this surely isn’t what you were expecting.

“Right…. Then… What did you have in mind?” you ask, more intrigued than ever, which Jungkook could sense, judging by the readiness in his eyes, and you immediately regret the disappointment you felt when he brought up the idea. Fuck, you could never hide your emotions from him.

“Okay,” he continues with a smile on his face, pulling up a collage of Disney characters on his phone. “I thought of many and I did my research. The only one we can’t do is Woody and Bo Peep because that’s apparently what Hoseok’s doing but I have other options. There are many Disney couples - baby we have to do a marathon soon. Anyways, there are some where one suits me and not you, or you but not me. I went through people like Aladdin and Jasmine, Peter and Wendy, Hercules and Meg, Flynn and Rapunzel…. I know some of those are princesses but they seem more like you? Or we could do Mickey and Minnie - we could borrow Jimin’s Mickey ears but it seems like a last-minute costume so, actually scratch that. We could do the Dalmatians? I know Bam will like that! What’s more ‘us’? I think some cool ones might be Mr. and Mrs. Incredible from The Incredibles? Or what about Jack and Sally from the Nightmare Before Christmas? Baby, there are so many options and I just don’t know what to do and -“

You stop Jungkook by kissing him on the lips - it takes him a moment before he responds and kisses you back.

“Uhm….”

“Jeon Jungkook…..I love you.”

“I love you too,” he replies shyly. “Are my ideas that good?”

“They’re that cute. I’ll tell you what, you pick your favorite.”

“Baby, that's the whole point of this, I can’t pick - you probably know Disney characters better than I do. Which characters are more like us? Or, actually, which ones are the most in love?”

“I don’t know I guess every couple’s love is different.”

“Is there one that’s similar to ours?,” he asks, eyes wide.

“No, our love is ours, Jeon Jungkook.” 

He smiles. “That doesn’t help. See? Do you see, baby? We need something as romantic as that. I’m starting to think we’re more romantic than Disney movies….”

“I have an idea, baby. Let’s pick a few of the couples, work on the costumes for the next few weeks, and then we’ll see what suits us best. I think you have the charms of Peter Pan, but you have the emo soul to be a good Jack Skellington…. and you’d make a pretty accurate Hercules….”

“Hercules, huh?” he raises his eyebrows. “I’ll show you the strength of Hercules rescuing his damsel in distress”. He begins to tickle your waist, and you instinctively attempt to push his hands away, knowing they were making their way to your thighs. 

“Okay, Jungkook, you really need to watch these movies because Meg says that she’s not a damsel in distress!”, you get out, with shrieks and giggles in between.

“Just let me make out with my princess,” he giggles, finally firmly grabbing your waist and pulling you up to his chest, kissing your lips more sweetly and lovingly than any prince in any fairytale you ever watched or read about.

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Holy Ground | Hallowed Bodies Update #1

LONAN CLARK ERA LONAN CLARK ERA!! Welcome to instalment 1 of the Hallowed Bodies updates! :) HB is a literary fiction novella I finished in August (WIP intro) and a companion to BODY BACK.

Let's talk about magical beginnings, how life impacts writing, grieving potentials, & Lonan's internality!

Update under the cut!

Logline: When his girlfriend leaves to travel, Lonan carries out his typical daily routine which includes visiting a church and walking a strange route home.

Hallowed Bodies taglist (pls ask to be +/-):

@subtlefires @dallonwrites @saintedseraph @cream-and-tea @rownanisntwriting @euphoniouspandemonium @iwannawritepls @thefruitonyourfly @olive-riggzey @silassghost @thelivingdeceased

Beginnings & more beginnings

When I got the original idea for Hallowed Bodies, it was March and I was on the other side of the country at the intersection in front of my old apartment building. It was raining on my walk home from a journalism class and I was listening to My Dying Spirit by Greyson Chance when I had the thought... "okay if Harrison is alone in Las Vegas in BODY BACK, that must mean LONAN is also alone for a while in Las Vegas--so what's he doing?"

For about two days, I was really consumed with the idea of what this book *could* be--eerie church imagery, a contemplation of faith, an exploration of Lonan's relationship with his dead mother. Then time passed, I moved, life got weird, I finished BODY BACK, and by the time I got back to HB, something in me had changed.

When life changes writing & grieving potentials

I've given that preamble because HB didn't turn into the thing I thought it would turn into on that initial walk back home. I think there's sometimes a tendency in writing advice spaces to be so blasé about how life circumstances impact writing. I don't think there was any possible way June 2023 me could've written the Hallowed Bodies I'd dreamt up back in March 2023. I changed SO much despite staying fundamentally the same and the idea also had to change because *I'm* the one writing it.

With that said, sometimes I wonder what would've happened if I stayed exactly where I was in the spring (which is an extremely Lonan and Harrison-core thing to consider LOL). In a way, a big part of writing this book was grieving what it could've been. I still have a distinct vibe of the early vision which is very similar but adjacent nonetheless to what I actually wrote. I think that's what made writing this project so hard because I didn't understand what I wanted from it--March me was conflicting with June me and in the end, what we got was a mixture of both!

A positive start... for now!!!

I've always heard of writers talk about "shiny new idea syndrome" but I never really understood it. However, drafting Holy Ground completely clarified what shiny new idea syndrome even is which left me feeling perhaps overly confident (honestly which I'm grateful for because I didn't feel that way again until the last chapter LOLLL).

I drafted the first paragraph of this book back in April, and the rest of it only took a day or two in June. It's very short (for me) at 1500 words and illuminated two structural elements for HB: short chapters and "vignette"-like scenes.

Inspiration & vibes:

Okay so SORRY if you already know this but Greyson Chance got me unwise & his music video for My Dying Spirit is MY FAVOURITE THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD. I always thought of MDS as a really solid Lonan song, but the music video's Catholic imagery had me spiraling MORE. I basically wanted to recreate the vibes of that video in the form of a book.

We were really going for THIS as the vibe (from the video)!

Hallowed Bodies as Antithesis

One of the first things I knew about HB was that I wanted it to be a mirror of BODY BACK. I wanted to see how Lonan got to be a better person BEFORE FH in contrast to how Harrison becomes a worse person before FH. Thinking of Hallowed Bodies as the antithesis of BB is really fascinating to me! If BB is loud, HB is quiet. If BB is maximalist, HB is minimalist (as much as I could help it haha).

Internal narratives as a trap

Something I LOVE about this project in general is that it's SO internal. I don't think I've ever been so deeply rooted in Lonan's voice before, but Hallowed Bodies as a project warrants intimacy. Lonan's alone for a week in Las Vegas basically doing nothing, which is a precursor to Feeding Habits (the novel that comes after this) where he's really "settled" into being a completely subordinate person in his own life.

I wanted to use internality as a means to make the narrative feel confined, like Lonan does. Because of that, I focused on adding a LOT of descriptions that directly reflect Lonan's desires and internal conflicts (the excerpt with the couple reflects this the most). What he notices is EXTREMELY important. What do his observations reveal about him?

Listlessness and Lonan

Something that became clear to me early in the drafting process is that Lonan is soooo listless. Like direction? Drive? Passion? He has NOTHINGGGG. He's really living a settled, "domestic" life, and he clearly can't handle it. This is setup for Feeding Habits so it's not as intense as it is there, but this man is BORED and ready to romanticize ANYTHING for some serotonin. This is critical setup for later when we meet "the man" (whose name for efficiency's sake is Dallas bc he looks like Matt Dillon in The Outsiders <3 that was the reason <3).

HB is a really transitional project for Lonan. He comes off Moth Work a better person to others but not quite a better person to himself. We get to see him crave gentleness a LOT in HB, a feeling that seems so foreign to him, which I think also contributes to his feeling of displacement. In a way, it was also transitional for me--it's the first thing I've written in full as a graduate!

The plot

CW: religious trauma (Catholicism)

Scene A:

In a church, Lonan recalls a memory of him and his father praying.

Scene B:

Lonan starts his walk home, aware the route is nonsensical.

Scene C:

Lonan recalls the last time he saw Eliza before she left for her week-long trip.

Scene D:

Lonan considers Las Vegas' warm autumn.

Scene E:

In memory, Eliza finds Lonan's father's rosary in her apartment.

Excerpts:

The first "scene" (aka vignette). This is one of my favourite openings EVER!!! It's just Hallowed Bodies core!

Lonan doesn’t pray anymore. At least not the way he used to. As a child, he and his father prayed everywhere: begging for forgiveness at Crater Lake, repenting in line for an oil change, supplicating in a windstorm. On Sundays, they’d wake before dawn and nestle in front of the bathroom mirror, recite the first chapter of Genesis, Paul’s letters to Timothy, Psalm 22. Lonan preferred the Apostle’s Creed. He’d watch his young mouth repeat I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord, I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord, I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord, and he did believe. After hours of this, sunlight misting the open window, mass a half hour away, their lips would be so numb they’d have to pinch them until they were bloody mouthed and ready, at last, for God. The truth is, Lonan believes in nothing now. He’s as fatherless as he is motherless as he is godless. This should be a good thing. But bowed against a pew, the church around him hollow like Jesus’ empty tomb, his eyes trained on the dangling crucifix ahead of him, he’s certain this is wrong. He needs a mentor, a shepherd, an idol. He needs someone to follow.

This is the second scene/vignette. Something I love here is that we can tell Lonan's a hopeless romantic lol. Like hey you're looking awfully fondly at that couple, why?? You want that?? You want love?? Also! If you read the recent Changing States excerpt, you'll notice I also mention a café in the arts district which is an easter egg to say Lonan and Jeremiah love the same café (they need to be friends):

He takes the long way home. The long way home entails cutting past a wedding chapel near Lewis until he nears a second wedding chapel by a dollar store. He then turns around and retraces his steps back to the church, then walks all the way to a café bakery in the arts district where he stands and watches patrons from across the street. A man always meets a woman. They swipe off milk foam mustaches, lean against each other to fill out a crossword. The sun sometimes hits their faces and pales their eyes till they’re transparent like vapour. They never walk out together. He leaves the moment the first one goes, then continues back to the church where he finally walks ten minutes to Eliza’s place. The walk takes over an hour. It’s inefficient. Nonsensical. He makes this route every day.

This is just such a typical Lonan and Eliza interaction:

She’d left groceries in the fridge—no need to go shopping—and if he wanted, she’d also left a fifty-dollar bill on the counter for takeout. As he stared at the ceiling, she kissed him and complained about her mother’s plans to go horseback riding that coming weekend. “I know what a horse looks like,” she said, then explained they’d also be touring Stowe with a gaudy tourism agency. “She’s exhausting me already.” She sighed, having gone completely still. Lonan didn’t notice until she took his face with her hand, squishing his jaw, and asked “Are you okay?” An hour later, she was gone with a pre-packed suitcase, and he was still lying in bed wondering if she’d been there at all, if he’d been there at all, if in actuality they were both dead, or at the very least, both ghosts.

Do you fear bodies of water to the point where you practice holding your breath in full sinks so if you're ever close to drowning at least you're prepared:

It’s September in Las Vegas. The asters that grow outside Eliza’s apartment building have started to bloom, shockingly purple. The severe summer heat has barely faded, weather Lonan isn’t used to. Sometimes he crouches right in front of Eliza’s oscillating fan so it blows right in his face. At other times he ruffles up the freezer until he finds something suitable to drape on his forehead—a bag of peas, a Ziploc of homemade perogies, a hard plastic ice pack Eliza almost always forgets to return after work. Though sometimes, he cranks the bathroom sink all the way to cold and fills it up, sticks his face in there like it’s nothing, waits there for what feels like a few hours.

Lonan examining how fucking weird dating Eliza is lol:

Eliza doesn’t know about his visits to the church. He started his daily trips about two weeks back, ensuring he got home before she did from a shift. As they ate canned beef stew on the couch, as she spoke to him about an irritating coworker, as she rested her hand on his elbow then looked at her bedroom door, he kept this secret from her. He’s not sure why. He knows he doesn’t have to. Eliza already knows his father was devout to something—on the last day of August, she rummaged through a filing cabinet in her bedroom and pulled out a bronze rosary. Lonan didn’t need to look at it to know who it belonged to. He’d learned to identify it by scent alone. “That’s your dad’s,” she said, something sober in her voice. She was essentially providing him a confession—a crime she unknowingly participated in. The rosary dangled like fuzzy dice from a rear-view mirror. When he didn’t move from where he leaned in the doorway, she stood and pocketed it. “I didn’t know. He gave it to me when…” Her voice trailed off when she realized he still hadn’t reacted. What had she expected from him? He’s not wholly illogical—he’d accepted that his father had likely given her things and that she’d kept them. They’d dated. That was normal.

^^ (IS IT NORMAL THO I COULD WRITE A TAG ESSAY ON THIS)

Eliza backtracks (CW: implied abuse, blood mention):

Eliza promised she’d go through all her things—make sure she didn’t have anything else “from Jason.” Hearing his father’s name said aloud like that was a normal thing felt even stranger than having his rosary. Lonan took a step back that was really more a stagger; he narrowly caught himself on the bedroom doorframe. His cheeks were hot—with embarrassment, but also tears, and the tears worsened the embarrassment which worsened the tears. He couldn’t explain to her that when he was too young to memorize a phone number, that rosary had been wrapped around his hand till his fingers turned blue. Or that one silty night, he’d clutched the cross so tight under his pillow that his palms bled. “Sorry,” he said, pawing at his eyes.

The aftermath of that scene:

In the end, he sat on the balcony, silently crying as he stared out over the city. He tried to think of ways to reverse time—perhaps if he pretended nothing happened, Eliza would too. They’d start the afternoon all over again, her kicking off her shoes at the front door, setting her purse down on the small dining table. “You want to grab dinner?” she would’ve shouted through the apartment, already fumbling for the coupons she’d tacked to the refrigerator, knowing he was listening to her. Instead, he stared at his trembling fist.

And the last paragraph of this chapter! (Lonan really said "I don't have thoughts stop bothering me")

He needs to eat something. There’s raw celery in the vegetable crisper. A new pack of whole wheat tortillas atop the toaster. It’s when he’s pulling them out to eat, the low static hum of a radio station left on gritting midair, that he realizes perhaps that’s exactly it—he can’t tell Eliza about the church. Not because she won’t care, but precisely because she will. She’d follow him every time he goes, ask what he was thinking of every time he bowed his head to pray. He doesn’t know what he thinks. Most of the time he isn’t thinking at all. But what he knows for certain is the church and his meandering walk, that couple in the café, the fact that one always leaves, are not just routine for him. This is his holy ground. Luminous, alive. Somewhere to flee, even when he’s not sure what he’s running from.

And that's it! I'm really excited to introduce y'all more officially to Hallowed Bodies! :) And because I vowed to make these updates feel more cozy, here's this Lonancore gif LOL: