#sorry for not posting we thought i had fucking cancer so i was a little preoccupied

[vampkillr]

Witness — Jason Todd

gn! reader — 360 words — angst — another short i'm so sorry — jason getting kidnapped

There was nothing I could do aside from watch. Watch as he changed. Going from hopeful to hopeless. Watching every day how the life progressively seemed to fade from his glassy eyes. How his body became so broken apart that he no longer looked real. That's when I knew I couldn't just wait for Bruce. I couldn't sit and wait as all efforts ended fruitless. When I looked at him and caught my brain protecting itself, caught myself unable to process that the body on the screen wasn't rubber or plastic. So I looked for him. And I looked everywhere. Yet still I found nothing. No clue, no Joker, and no body. Weeks went by and the videos stopped. After six months of consistent updates, they all vanished. So either I was getting close, or he was dead. The feeling that thought brought me was something I couldn't process. It had been ten days since the last disc.

Today, though. Today was different. On my doorstep, a familiar square envelope laid perfectly in front of the door. I was calling Bruce before I could even realize what I was doing. Everything before it was a blur, really. My eyes were out of focus. I couldn't concentrate enough to have a coherent thought. The next thing I knew we were in the basement, watching again. My vision was clear, scanning every single detail of the room. The way Joker walked around my nearly-dismantled boyfriend. I could feel the acid of my stomach creeping up my throat. A clear shot rang just once. The power of the bullet having thrown him a few feet from where he originally sat. I watched as he choked on his own blood. Watched as his gasps turned into gurgles and slowly, painfully, nothing at all. It felt like time stopped with the last rise of his chest. Like, somehow the stillness of his body made the world stop turning. Everything seemed to disappear. The future, my happiness— shock wasn't present in my veins. It was like I had been gutted. And all I had been able to do was sit there as his life ended.

[chai-berries]

i’m a little crybaby bitch & i just sobbed over a movie but all i could think about is being abby’s little crybaby gf & having her comfort me </3

sooo unfortunately/fortunately i am not a big crier when it comes to anything but one of my best friends is a happy/sad/bored crier and i’ve helped her calm down post cry a few times. she’s a true cancer <3 i’ll channel her into my thoughts.

im thinking of two scenarios, watching something sad without abby & watching it with her ⤵️

watching without abby:

she’d probably be working on something in another room when you decide to start a sad fucking movie. abby’s ears perk at the first sniffle, but she brushes it off cause it’s always allergy season. but when she hears you shakily breathe out “oh,,, my gOD” with your voice all broken and wet, she’s immediately sliding to a stop right outside the living room. you’re curled up with a huge blanket swallowing you, surrounded by snacks and your emotional support water bottle. she notes your wide, glossy eyes and coos “baby what’s wrong?” and you gesture at the tv, “she - she just loves her family so so much! and she couldn’t tell them before they died!” your voice is cracking around your words.

abby has absolutely no idea who “she” is but that doesn’t keep her from sitting down and pulling you into her side, rubbing her hand up and down your arm. “they’re just a - a great family” you stutter though tears. abby looks up at the tv and sighs. “baby, why did you chose the saddest movie on netflix?” you hesitate. “uh, i was up to the challenge?” “yeah? how’s it going?” she quirks a brow at you. you laugh wetly and abby mentally fist pumps. she presses a kiss to your temple. “okay, how about we watch something happy. ill refill your water.” abby gets up to go into the kitchen when she’s stopped by a tug on her back belt loop. you’re looking up at her, eyes less glossy but still not dry enough. “what?” she asks. “thanks for putting up with a crybaby for a girlfriend.” she picks up your hand from its place at her waist and brings it up to her lips. “anything for you sweet cheeks”

watching with abby:

“no, no, no, nah, not happening! abby, please tell me they’re not gonna do what i think they’re gonna do!” you pause the movie and shake abby’s shoulder, your face so serious in the light of the television. abby giggles and shrugs like a fucking twerp and nudges you to keep watching the movie. she tells you that “you’ll find out soon - keep watching” like she’s never, in all the time you’ve been together, been witness to the millions of times you deep dived imdb and wikipedia five minutes into a movie whenever it starts out with a sad scene.

you don’t do sad movies. and it’s for a good reason! you get all dehydrated and you look sick for hours afterwards!! it’s embarrassing and gross!! abby has witnessed it once and, like her father’s daughter, handed you a glass of water and pulled you gently into her arms, holding you until you got your breathing under control. and that was a week before you asked her out!! on your first date she told you that the crying thing made her want to “take care of you forever”… is it too obvious to point out that she soooooo got lucky that night?

however, in present time she might be sleeping on the couch for trying to get a depressing movie past you. she apologizes to you, tucking you under her arm. “i promise it’s gonna be worth your tears, okay?” she kisses your head. “and i always take care of my crybaby girlfriend, don’t i?” she kisses the same spot again. you relax into her side.

… sooo it’s safe to say you sobbed a whole lot at the end and completely soaked the front of abby’s shirt. you guys had shifted horizontal mid-movie, you laying on top of her. “i hate you” sounds a lot more honest when you’re not desperately clutching at the waist of the person you’re talking to. “but it was a good story, right?? aww i’m sooo sorry, baby,” abby rubs your back. she hands you your water bottle and chocolate before you even think to ask, like she always does. then, you begin the embarrassingly to you cute to abby process that involves sips of water, bites of chocolate, and your head following the rhythm of abby’s chest up and down as you match her breaths.

<\3

no but really we all know abby will always comfort you even if she has no context to what you’re crying about! ride or die babyyyy

[inourtownofhawkins]

𝖜𝖍𝖔 𝖜𝖆𝖓𝖙𝖘 𝖙𝖔 𝖑𝖎𝖛𝖊 𝖋𝖔𝖗𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗, 𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙 𝖎 (𝖘𝖊𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖘 𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖊)

Summary: Hawkins, Indiana, 1986. A dead end town where nothing happens. One night, Eddie Munson goes missing without a trace. He turns up two weeks later on your doorstep, covered in blood and no memory of the last two weeks. When you notice him acting strangely, you follow Eddie into the woods and discover his terrifying secret. But the most terrifying part to you? You can't bring yourself to stay away from Eddie. Whether you've realised you're in love with him or you're under his spell, you don't want to be away from Eddie for a single second and a deadly love affair begins.

Author's note: I doubt anyone's read it but this is a revamped (no pun intended) version of the fic of the same name on AO3 I wrote last year. I love that fic so much and felt like people on here would miss out on it as I haven't posted it here. If you'd ever like to read the original version, you can find it here! If any of you do choose to read it in it's entirety, please don't spoil it for others!

CW: 18+, swearing, character death, sex references, potential smut in later chapters, vampire!Eddie, blood, scenes that people may find disturbing.

Word count: 4.3k

Any hate will not be tolerated, constructive criticism is welcomed.

The alarm went off at 6:15 AM on the dot, its obnoxious and short beeping noise was the worst part of waking up, yet it was a necessary evil. You groaned as you reached out to turn off the beeping and hide back under the covers. You really weren’t in the mood to face the world or school.

You laid under the covers for another five minutes until you sighed, reluctantly pushing the covers out of the way, and sitting up. Rubbing your eyes, you groaned once more as you realized the glass next to you bed was empty. “Thirsty,” you frowned, climbing out of bed, and grabbing your glass to go downstairs and refill it.

Once you reached the kitchen, you stared out the window as your glass began to fill with water. You were completely lost in your own thoughts, distracted by a bird pecking at the grass. Suddenly, your felt a pair of hands on your shoulders, causing you to shriek and drop your glass.

Turning around to confront the culprit behind you, you punched your older brother in the arm. “Don’t fucking scare me like that!”

Stephen laughed loudly, giving you a quick hug. “I couldn’t help myself, I’m sorry. You’re so easy to scare.”

“You’re such an asshole.” You laughed, picking up your glass to drink what little water was left in it before turning off the tap. “How was work?”

Stephen sighed, filling the kettle, and setting it to boil. “Same old, same old. Jamie’s gonna take you to school if that's alright.”

You frowned as you put your glass down in the sink for washing. “Why can’t you take me?”

“Because, pipsqueak, I’m fuckin’ tired.” He poured himself some coffee before leaving the kitchen and disappearing upstairs.

It had just been the three of you for almost three years; your mom had died of cancer and dad was nowhere to be found. To keep food on the table, all three of you worked. Stephen worked nights at the powerplant, Jamie worked days at the general store, and you worked weekends and the odd evening at the diner.

It wasn't much, but you made it work.

“Y/N!” Jamie called out. “I am leaving in exactly seven minutes! If you’re not ready then, I’m leaving without you!”

“Shit!” You sprinted upstairs to hastily get ready for school. You frantically threw on an Evil Dead t-shirt, dark plaid mini-skirt, and old grey socks, forcing your feet into a pair of black boots. Additionally, you grabbed your denim jacket off the floor before picking up your backpack and hurtling yourself down the stairs.

Jamie stood at the front door, looking at his watch. “Only thirty seconds to spare, I’m impressed.”

You pushed past him to get out the front door, giving him a death glare before smiling. “Oh shut up, I’m here now, aren’t I?”

“But for how long?” Jamie's expression went sinister as he opened the door for you before climbing into the car himself.

After climbing into the car, you punched his arm. “If you kill me on the way to school, you’d be doing me a kindness. Surely, you want me to suffer as much as possible.”

Turning the car on, Jamie pressed play on the stereo, Bronski Beat began playing throughout the car. “If I can't kill you, I'll just leave you with my terrible music.”

You groaned, sinking down into your seat. “You're too kind, sparing my life and giving me the gift of whatever this is.”

He smirked, shaking his head. “I am nothing but merciful.”

The rest of the car ride was silent as you tapped your thighs to the beat of the music, watching Hawkins fly past you. Yawning, you leaned your head against the window and tried not to fall back asleep. All the late nights were definitely catching up to you and it was probably time to sleep early for once, not that you’d ever actually do it though.

The car pulled into the Hawkins High parking lot and came to a halt, with you climbing out and grabbing your backpack.

“Stephen will pick you up tonight, as usual. I'll be home probably at about 6 with dinner, alright?” Jamie leaned over to make sure you could hear him.

You nodded, putting on your headphones and grabbing your Walkman out of your backpack. “I’ll see you at home.” You didn't bother waiting for a reply as you walked into school, pressing play on your music, Shout by Tears for Fears filling your ears.

Arriving at your locker, you ignored the “Hellfire’s Bitch” plastered all over it. You’d long since given up trying to rub it off as it would appear again the next day, you were used to it anyway. When it first started to happen, you’d always scream and cry about how much you hated it and how it wasn’t true, but now you wore the name like a badge of honour.

Better to be known as Hellfire’s Bitch than a slut, right?

While you weren’t an official member of the Hellfire Club, you were still pretty good friends with the members. After your mom died, they’d more or less taken you under their wing. They made you laugh again and remind you that you always had someone looking out for you, no matter what.

The only downside was being teased for being associated with “freaks” and having to deal with the constant fear of being beaten up by Jason and his band of loyal cultists. While you hadn’t been attacked yet, you knew it was coming at some point – you were 5’1”, you didn’t stand a chance against Jason’s 5’8” frame. You’d be toast in seconds.

You shrugged off those thoughts, grabbing the necessary books out of your locker and walked to your first class, not bothering to take off your headphones. You weren’t in any classes with any of your friends anyway, so there was no point in taking them off.

You breezed your way through the classes, never putting your hand up and taking notes if you needed to. Before your mom’s death, you’d always be engaged in classes and would always ask questions. But now? You didn’t see a point in doing anything but getting your work done so you could get out.

Once the lunch bell rang, you rushed into the cafeteria and looked around for your friends, only to have Eddie Munson stand on his table and stretch his arms out towards you. “But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.”

Blushing deeply, you laughed and made your way over to his table. “Alright, Romeo, you can stop with the theatrics now.” Placing your tray on the table, you flattened the back of your skirt and sat down closest to Eddie.

Eddie moved his chair slightly closer to you. “You’ll never guess who I’m gonna ask to prom.”

You looked at him and then at the rest of the table before back to Eddie, knowing that everyone except you knew who he was talking about. “I’ll guess Nancy Wheeler.”

Gareth almost choked on his food from laughing. “Close but not quite.”

You went silent for a few moments to think, the smile slowly growing on your lips as an idea came to your head. “Chrissy Cunningham? Fuck off, even I wanna sleep with her.”

The entire table sat up straighter at your comment, all of them instantly thinking of you and Chrissy making out in very little clothing. Several of the boys coughed awkwardly as they readjusted their jeans, causing you to roll your eyes and turn back to Eddie. “You’re such a bullshitter, Munson.”

Eddie put his hands up in surrender. “I’m not bullshitting, I swear.”

You laughed, opening your carton of juice. “I’ll believe you when I see it for myself.”

Eddie gave you a slight smirk, his eyes focused on your lips for a moment before returning to your eyes. “Don’t you worry, Juliet, I’ll prove it.”

You raised an eyebrow, licking your lips. “I’m betting on it.”

Gareth sighed, slamming his fist down on the table, causing you and Eddie to jump. “Either kiss and get it over with or stop eye-fucking each other, there’s kids around.”

You and Eddie moved slightly away from each other, coughing awkwardly as you took a sip of your juice. Talk at the table went to the usual next D&D session, you just sitting and listening to the excited boys, not knowing, or understanding anything that was being said. But listening to the excitement in their voices always made your smile.

The rest of the school day went by uneventfully and ended with you waiting outside the school for Stephen to pick you up. As usual, he was late. Everyone else had already gone home, leaving you to sit on the wall in front of the school with your headphones on, staring at the road and waiting for Stephen’s car.

A person stood in front of you, causing you to take your headphones off and look up at them. “Well well well, it looks like it’s just you and me, Juliet."

You sighed, folding your arms over your chest. “Why are you still here, Eddie? School’s over.”

Eddie almost frowned as he sat down beside you on the wall, ignoring your question. “Why are you still here?”

“Stephen’s supposed to pick me up. I guess he forgot,” you shrugged, grimacing.

“What’re you listening to?” Eddie took your headphones, pressing play on your Walkman before you could answer. You watched his face show little to no emotion as he listened to your music, his eyes focused on something in the distance, or probably nothing at all.

After a few minutes, he took the headphones off and handed the Walkman back to you. “Because you didn't give me a chance to answer before you listened, it’s Modern Talking.”

Eddie nodded slowly. “It's… different.”

You shook your head, laughing a little. “It’s okay, you can say you hate it.”

He narrowed his eyes, leaning his head in closer to yours. “Whoever said I hated it?”

“Oh please, I know you, Romeo. You don’t wanna be rude by saying my music is terrible, so you call it interesting, you’ve said that about anything you don’t like that I like.”

Eddie smirked. “So you think you know me?”

You raised an eyebrow, getting closer to him. “Of course I know you, we know each other very well.”

“Maybe we do, maybe we don’t.”

You moved away, brushing him off. “You never answered my earlier question, why are you still here?”

Eddie shrugged, fiddling with the ends of your hair. “I was about to leave when I saw you out here alone, I didn’t think you should be waiting for your bother alone... if he even turns up.”

You frowned. “He’ll turn up, he’s just running late.”

“I’ll tell you what; if he doesn’t turn up in the next 10 minutes, I will take you home.”

You thought about his offer for a moment before slowly nodding your head. “Okay, sure.”

It wouldn’t be the first time Eddie had offered to drive you home; he’d even done it a handful of times over the past few years. But you always felt guilty over him having to stay later after school to wait with you and then eventually drive you home.

While your brothers tolerated Eddie and accepted that he was a friend, they were still wary of him. Not because of any of the Hellfire “cult” nonsense, but because of Eddie’s reputation for dealing drugs and smoking almost constantly. It was the typical overprotective older brother routine that you’d had been forced to live with since your parents died.

Eddie lit a cigarette and blew out the smoke, being careful to not blow it in your face. You looked in his direction, taking the cigarette from him and taking a long drag, blowing out the smoke as you handed it back.

Almost hesitantly, Eddie took the cigarette back. “Okay, that was the hottest thing you've ever done, who knew Juliet could hold a smoke?”

You raised an eyebrow, smirking a little. “Surprised, Munson?”

He took another drag, processing everything he’d just witnessed. “I just pictured you as the good girl, never doing anything like this.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “We crash parties all the time, I’d hardly call myself the good girl.”

Eddie took one last long drag before throwing his cigarette away. “In that case, Juliet, the not good girl, I think it’s high time I take you home.”

You sighed, nodding as you picked up your backpack and jacket, making your way over to Eddie’s van with Eddie wrapping an arm around your shoulder. His arm dropped to open the passenger side door for you before disappearing to the other side of the van and climbing in.

You tossed your bag and jacket in before climbing in yourself, closing the door behind you. The van smelled of thousands of cigarettes, beer cans and cologne; while you wouldn’t call it horrible, it certainly took you by surprise every time you smelled it. You were sure the smell was strong enough to burn some hairs off your nose, not that  you’d ever say anything to Eddie about it.

The car ride was silent between you two, the only sound was Eddie’s stereo playing Master of Puppets by Metallica, Eddie’s hands tapping against the steering wheel. You’d heard him play the song a thousand times since it was released, it was cute in a way.

People always saw Eddie have this tough and scary exterior but once people ripped the surface away and go deeper, they’d see that he was one of the softest and kindest people in the school. Fiercely protective and loyal to those closest to him, he’d take a bullet for them if he could.

All too soon, Eddie had parked his van outside of your house and was waiting for you to make a move. You awkwardly picked up your belongings, knowing you should say something… anything but nothing came to mind. “I’ll see you later?” You blurted out without fully thinking beforehand.

It came out more like a question than anything else, and if Eddie could hear your thoughts, he’d be bombarded with loud screaming and being told you were an idiot repeatedly. You couldn’t understand why today of all days, you couldn't act normal around him.

Just say goodbye like a normal person, you complete loser.

Eddie nodded, giving you a gentle smile, clearly not fazed by your strange reaction. “See you later, Juliet. And please don’t tell your brothers I let you smoke.”

You nodded, your insides melting at that damned smile. “Your secret is safe with me.” You nodded as you opened the door and climbed out. After closing the door, you gave him a salute before racing inside.

Once the door was closed, you instantly began banging your forehead against it repeatedly, cringing at every hit until you felt a hand on your forehead, moving your head away from the door. “If you wanted to crack your skull open, you’ll have to hit harder than that.”

You frowned, moving your head to see Stephen grinning beside you. Once you realised who it was, you instantly began punching his arm. “You were supposed to pick me up from school, asshole!”

Stephen raised his arms in defence before grabbing your fists to stop you from attacking him. “I know and I’m sorry, my alarm didn’t wake me up. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

You stopped fighting, your eyes narrowing. “Make it up to me how?”

He let go of your hands. “You can have whatever you want for dinner all weekend, and Eddie Munson can take you to school and pick you up for the rest of the month.”

You thought about his offer for a moment before nodding. “You got yourself a deal, you’re lucky you get to live another day.” You held out your hand and Stephen shook it, sealing the deal.

He smiled as their hands shook before his smile dropped almost as quickly as it appeared. “Did you smoke?”

Your eyes went wide for a moment before you bolted for the stairs, Stephen hot on your heels. He grabbed your ankle, pulling you down as soon as you reached the top step. “I’m gonna kill Munson!” he yelled.

“You said he could be my ride for a month! We had a deal!” You yelled back, trying to hold in your laughter as you lay on the stairs.

“That was before I knew he got you to smoke!”

You were just about to kick him in the balls to get him off, but the front door opened, revealing Jamie had come home with burgers. Stephen looked down at you, leaning down to whisper in your ear. “This isn’t over, you’re grounded for the rest of the semester,” then he walked downstairs to greet his brother.

Rolling your eyes, you turned over and stood up, slowly making your way down the stairs. At first, you thought it was all a joke but hearing your brother’s voice sound so threatening made you realise that perhaps he wasn’t joking at all and maybe you were grounded after all.

Arriving in the kitchen, you grabbed your Styrofoam box of a burger and fries from the greasy bag and grabbed a Coke from the fridge before sitting down at the counter to eat.

The three of you ate in silence, until Jamie spoke up through a mouthful of fries. “How was school?”

You shrugged, finishing the rest of your burger before answering. “Same old, same old, Stephen forgot to pick me up, so Eddie brought me home.”

Stephen shook his head, clearly annoyed that you brought it up. “I didn’t forget, I overslept. Do I need to bring up how you’re grounded for the rest of the semester?”

You looked down, playing with a fry. Jamie frowned, turning to the eldest sibling. “Why’s she grounded?”

“Would you like to say why you’re grounded?” Stephen asked, you shook your head. “She’s grounded because she smoked.”

Jamie raised his eyebrow slightly, directing his next question towards you. “Was it drugs or just a cigarette?”

“Cigarette,” you almost whispered, hanging your head.

“What do you mean “just” a cigarette? She shouldn’t be smoking anything!” Stephen almost yelled.

“You were her age once! You did far worse than her! Do I need to remind you why all your girlfriends were banned from the house? Or why none of mom’s jewellery was left to us?” Jamie fired back.

“It’s because I did worse shit that I want to stop her from continuing!” Stephen towered over Jamie. “If she isn't careful, she’ll ruin her life!”

“OH MY GOD, STOP PRETENDING TO BE DAD!” You screamed, getting off your seat. “No matter how hard you put on the persona, you’ll never be him.”

Stephen moved around the counter to stand in front of you, looking like a giant compared to you. “I don’t know if you noticed, kiddo, since that deadbeat left, I have to be. My life ended the day mom died. Both of our lives did, we had to look after you.”

“So this is my fault?” You laughed bitterly. “If you didn’t want me, you should’ve just shipped me off to England when Aunt Clara fucking asked.”

His eyes narrowed, his voice getting quiet. “You know what? Maybe I should’ve. Maybe then I wouldn’t be stuck in this fucking shithole with a little brother who’s a pushover and a little sister who thinks the entire world revolves around her.”

Before another word could be said, Stephen stormed out of the house and sped away, leaving you and Jamie to stare at each other and wonder what in the world had just happened. Feeling tears well up in your eyes, you darted towards the door and shakily grabbed your coat and put it on.

“Where are you going?” Jamie asked, walking towards the door after you.

“Out.”

“You’re grounded, remember?”

“So stop me from going out then.” You waited for a few seconds before nodding your head. “I’ll be back later, I just wanna clear my head.”

Jamie pulled you in for a tight hug, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “You’re not a burden to me, okay? Stephen’s just got a lot resting on his shoulders and I know he shouldn’t take it out on you, but he just wants the best for you.”

You nodded, hugging him back before letting go. “I love you, Jamie, and I’m sorry for ruining dinner.”

Jamie brushed you off. “Nah you didn’t, don’t worry about it. I love you too and go see Eddie.”

“How did you know I’d go see Eddie?”

“I was eighteen once before, I know love when I see it.”

“I-I don’t-” you stuttered, completely taken aback by your brother’s comment.

“I’ll keep your secret, don’t worry. Now go before it gets too dark.”

You gave him a smile before walking out into the dusk. It wasn’t too far to walk to Eddie’s, but it still probably wasn’t a good idea to walk it at that hour and alone. You shivered a little and wished you’d put on tights or jeans before leaving but it was far too late for that now; you’d probably borrow a blanket from Eddie when you were there.

After almost an hour of walking, you arrived at Eddie’s trailer. With a shaky hand, you knocked on his door. As you waited, you could feel the anxiety rising within you, almost making you cry; not over seeing Eddie, but the weight of the argument and what Stephen had said had finally hit you and it hit like a tonne of bricks.

Eddie opened the door with a wide smile. “Well this is a surprise, Juliet.” His smile dropped once he noticed you were on the verge of a panic attack. “What happened? Who do I need to kill?”

You shook your head, hugging him tightly, burying your face in his chest. Eddie closed the door behind you and hugged you back, pressing a kiss to the side of your head before gently scratching the top of your head, soothing you. “You're okay, nothing will hurt you here.”

Keeping your head in his chest, you breathed in the smell of cigarettes and cologne, both smells and Eddie’s words helping you calm down. Slowly, you came out of the hug. “I got into an argument with Stephen.”

Eddie nodded, pressing another kiss to the side of your head. “You get the blankets; I’ll get the beer.”

You nodded, grabbing blankets from the sofa and Eddie’s room before making your way up to the roof of the trailer, arranging the blankets to be comfortable to sit on and resting one on your lap to warm your legs up.

The pair of you always sat on the roof whenever you came over, staring up at the sky, looking at clouds and smoking during the day and looking at constellations, talking about your dreams and drinking during the night.

Eddie brought up a box of beer, passing it up to you as he finished climbing up the ladder himself. He settled next to you, getting two cans out and opening one before handing it to you and opening his own. “You wanna tell me what actually happened?”

You sighed before taking a sip of your beer, reluctantly nodding. “There isn’t much to really say. Stephen grounded me for the rest of the semester because I was smoking with you. He also basically said that I ruined both his and Jamie’s lives when our mom died, and he wished he’d sent me off to England.”

Eddie took a massive chug of his beer, clearly trying to contain his anger. “Your brother is an asshole, I’m sorry but he is. If he doesn’t apologize for saying what he said and ungrounding you, I’ll get my uncle to beat his ass.”

You shook your head, taking a long drink. “Don’t worry about it, Jamie has my back.”

“The offer’s always open, Juliet.”

You smiled at each other as you both fell silent, drinking your beers and staring up at the stars, the silence of the trailer park occasionally broken by a couple arguing or a dog barking. To you, it was nothing short of heaven to be under the stars with Eddie and dreaming of being away from home.

“Let’s get out of here.” Eddie said, breaking the silence.

You looked at him before looking at your watch. “The diner should still be open.”

“I was thinking more somewhere overseas.”

“So my brother shouts at me, I should flee the country?”

“This place is a dead end; we’ve been saying it for years.”

“So what’re we gonna do about it?”

He shrugged slightly. “You know I’ll follow you wherever you wanna go.”

You downed the rest of your beer. “What if I wanna go to Antarctica?”

He laughed, shaking his head slightly as he opened another beer for you, handing it to you. “In that case, Juliet, I’d better get my winter coat.”

You took the beer from him and took a sip. “Did you mean it? When you said you’d take Chrissy to prom?” You asked quietly.

Realising your change in demeanour, Eddie stroked your cheek with his thumb. “There’s only one girl I’d take to prom, and it’ll never be Chrissy Cunningham.”

With watery eyes, you looked at him. “Who’s that?”

Eddie smiled gently, leaning into you, as if he was about to kiss you but he stopped just before you lips, his forehead resting against yours as his dark eyes bore into yours. “Isn’t it obvious? It’s you.”

You opened your mouth to speak, but he placed a finger over your lips to stop you before continuing. “And since I do wanna take you to prom, there’s one very important question I must ask you. Y/N, my Juliet, may I take you out on a date tomorrow night?”

A tear fell down your cheek as you smiled, taking a few seconds to answer. “Edward Munson, my Romeo, you may take me out on a date tomorrow.”

[rainobrienn]

headache - Sam Winchester (prt 1)

Sam Winchester x Fem!Reader

Synopsis; the Winchester boys never new of Bobby Singers daughter, and definitely didn’t know about her abilities

Warnings; blood and gore, thats really it, tell me if I missed anything <3

words; 4K

Your heart was racing as you stepped around the corner, hoping to not find another dead body.

As you tightly gripped onto the pistol in your hand, and stepped down the dark hallway. Hearing noises just around the corner, "fuck," you groaned as you heard two male voices, 'please don't be the cops' you thought to yourself as you saw flashlights.

You hid behind a post so the two guys wouldn't see you as they walked past, unless they were to turn down that hallway. Which you were really hoping they didn't.

"Seriously Dean," one of the guys groaned, "What?" Another voice scoffed, "stop touching me, seriously," he said with a huff, "I'm not," the other boy said with a confused tone. For a second you heard silence and then a gunshot, and a thud.

You peaked around the corner to see two very handsome looking faces on the ground, and one very angry spirit about to attack them, and both of their guns being across the floor.

You quickly walked out from where you were standing and shot at the spirit, it instantly disappearing. You looked down at the boys who were just getting up, brushing off the dust they had collected.

"Thanks," the taller one said, while the other one grunted in a thank you, both of there faces a little shocked. "yeah," you said nodding with a huffed tone. "I'm assuming you guys are hunters?" You said as you picked up one of the guns and handed it too the blonde guy.

"Yeah," The taller one said with a smile, "I'm Sam," the brunette one then said, "Dean," the shorter one added, giving you a "seductive" smirk, that you were not interested in in the slightest bit.

"Y/n," you smiled at them, "What's a pretty girl like you doing hunting by herself," Dean asked stepping closer, "uhm, I prefer working alone," you said, furrowed eyebrows, a small disgusted look on your face.

"Sorry," Sam said pushing Dean back, Dean grunting at his brother, "Uh, do you know anything about this Gerard guy yet?" Sam asked intrigued, "A little, why?" You said, "Well, we just got here and all we really know is the name, mind informing us?" He asked nicely, you immediately started to like the taller one better as he wasn't a dick.

"Well, I know he was an ex army man, his wife died back in 1986 and a year later the guy's son died of cancer, so then Gerard blew his own head off," you said, "I don't think Gerard is the one we have to worry about though, it's Mary, the wife, she was the murdered one, at first I thought they were just protecting their home, but it looks like Mary is some how, keeping Gerard from crossing over because she doesn't want to," you then said, a but more than a little information, you knew they were going to ask how you picked that up, and so you tried to figure out a story to tell them instead of saying you can talk to the ghosts straight up.

"How do you know this?" Dean stepped forwards asking, "I just do," you then said, you didn't have to explain yourself to them, "you just do? How are we supposed to believe that?" Dean asked, "You don't have to, I'm just telling you what he told me," you accidentally said. Furrowing your eyebrows in a disappointed look as you said that.

"Who?" Sam asked, "nothing, anyways, good luck boys," you said smiling at the two of them. Not wanting to be there much longer, trusting in them to get the case done by themselves, they seemed to be trained enough, and if they didn't by tomorrow you would handle it another time.

You didn't stay in a motel that night, you decided to drive back to South Dakota wanting to see your dad since you were so close to the area.

As you parked in the drive way, looking at your old home. Smiling at the few happy memories you had there, you stepped up knocking on the door, excited to see your dad Bobby for the first time in a few months.

You heard the door unlock, and then a smile on the old man's face when he saw you. "Y/n/n," he smiled, "hey dad," you smiled back giving him a big hug, feeling his embrace again was something you needed.

"What are you doing here?" He asked as he brought a cup of your favourite tea to you, "I was in the area, and I wanted to see my old man," you smiled, "I'm not that old," he groaned sitting down in his chair.

"You called the other day and you were in Utah?" He asked in a question tone, "Yeah, well this Gerard guy was calling to me in Nebraska, "human?" You dad questioned and you shook your head, "no, I feel bad for the guy, some hunter guys got in my way when I was doing the job, and you know me when I'm interrupted," you sighed, "I'm just hoping they help him," you sighed.

That night you had a really good sleep in your old bedroom, that your dad had never changed. Your old teenage band posters on the walls, your favourite little trinkets from a few of your first hunts around. It was nostalgic and calming, you loved the feeling of being home.

You walked downstairs that morning, your pjs hung low with a tight top on. You hair a little messy from sleeping, and craving a coffee.

"Y/n," you heard you dad called, "hmm," you hummed out loud from the kitchen, "come here," he said, you stopped making the coffee you wanted so badly and walked into the main living area.

Seeing your dad with a happy look on his face, and "Sam? Dean?" You questioned seeing the two tall boys from the other night standing there, a little beat up.

"You know them?" You dad questioned, "no, I mean they were hunters from the other night," you said shaking your head, "you know them?" I asked.

"There John's kids sweetie," he said, "Winchester?" I questioned, shocked at how much they had grown up. "Your kidding," you then laugh; a faint memory of when you were five, seeing the Sam boy and older Dean kid in a small hotel room with there father.

"Your Bobby's daughter?" Dean asked, "No I'm his mother," you said sarcastically, "you ran off last night?" Sam questioned, "I figured you guys could do it on your own," you said. "Y/n doesn't like being interrupted," Bobby said crossing his arms at you.

You watched as both the brothers were checking you out, enjoying the look from the taller one and not from the shorter one. You shook your head ignoring it, "Did you finish it?" You then asked, "Yeah, we ended up finding Mary's bones and she's gone," Dean said, and as he said that, the talking started.

But it was louder than usual, and more in a panic. You squinted your eyes, in pain from how loud it was getting. A young male voice, screeching for help, loud clanking in the back ground, you felt your knees hit the ground, and your nose start to bleed.

"Shit," Bobby said, he wasn't exactly use to these. You learned to control the pain over the years but they were normally quiet whispers and not this loud.

You felt yourself wake up, and you weren't home. In fact you were back in that sketchy old house in Nebraska, you felt scared. You hadn't heard a POV vision in years, or at-least you hoped it was a POV vision. You heard echoey crying coming from down the hall, and dark laughter from the same side.

"PLEASE STOP, PLEASE NO!" Screamed a young male voice, you slowly walked down the hallway. Seeing a room with the door slightly open and light leaking out, where the screaming was coming from.

You stepped in front of the door as it slowly opened, seeing the Gerard kids son chained against the wall, all bloody and hurt. "HELP ME!" the boy screamed when he saw you, you watched a guy turn around and it was Gerard, he was torturing his own son?

You then heard Gerard scream and come towards you, and that's when you came flying up. A breath of air escaping in a panic, you felt sweaty and gross.

"Hey hey hey," you heard your dads voice from beside you, handing you a glass of water. "you okay?" He asked, your breath started to slow down a bit, as you took the water and felt it run down your throat.

"How long was I out?" You asked, "only two hours this time," he said. The last time you had an episode like this you were out for two whole days, "I need to go back," you then said ripping the blanket off you, "back where?" Bobby then asked holding your shoulder so you wouldn't stand up, you looked to the door seeing the two brothers walk in concerned.

"Nebraska," you said, looking at the two boys. "It's not just Mary," you said, "Gerard, he, he was torturing his son, he's keeping his son there, Mary wasn't the problem she was warning us, she was protecting us," you said, "what?" Dean asked stepping forward, "did you not just hear what I said?" I asked annoyed at him already.

"No I'm hearing you, I just wanna know how you know that," he said, you looked to your father and then back to the boys.

"I can speak to spirits, from states away, they call to me," you said, "it's something my mother had, and now I have, but, I haven't passed out like that, or heard anything that bad in years," you said, still feeling the headache.

"Which means this is a very powerful spirit, when the son was calling to me, I think Gerard was blocking it by this clanking and screeching noise, it was horrible," I say, "You ok?" Your dad asked again, "yeah, i need to help him," you then said standing up, "Woah woah, your not dealing with something like that alone, you've already been hurt by the damn thing," you dad stated, "I'll be okay dad," you said.

"Sam and Dean are going with you," he said, "We are?" Dean asked, "We are," Sam said straight after in a 'I'm not asking you' tone.

"No your not, I don't work with other people," you said, "Y/n/n, these boys can handle themselves," he said, "I don't want their blood on my hands dad, I'm not going through that again," you said, looking back on your best friend, who died in action trying to save you.

"Y/n we can handle this," Sam said from behind you, "Dad," you said in a pleading tone, "Their going with you, or their gonna go alone," he said, you felt fear fill you, not wanting another hunters death to be on your hands.

"You annoy the crap out of me sometimes dad," you said before getting up to get changed, feeling the two boys eyes on you as you walked out of the small room.

As you drove, you couldn't stop thinking, about the boy, what was his name? Why was Gerard doing that to his own son.

Your thoughts were then interrupted by your radio freaking out, there it was. The clanking, and the calling for help, you kept hearing it get louder and louder, Dean and Sam driving behind you watched as you pulled your car over, stepping out and falling to the ground.

You felt your head splitting, "what do you want?" You asked, "help me!" You heard again, before it went completely silent.

"Y/n?" Dean called running up to you, Sam by his side as they helped you up. "I'm fine," you said pushing off the blonde boy, you looked at the boys who were looking at you like you were a ghost or something.

"Y/n," Sam said, "what?" You asked, watching as they pointed behind you, as you turned around you saw him, the boy. He was bloody and beaten, he disappeared and then re appeared in front of you, "Darren," he then said before disappearing.

"Darren?" Dean questioned, "You saw that?" You asked them, "Yeah," Sam sighed, "I don't think you should drive anymore," Dean said, "Don't be ridiculous," you said, "He's right

y/n," Sam then said, you looked at the both of them, concern in their eyes.

"What ever, who's driving my car?" I asked, Dean gave Sam a look before Sam sat in the front seat of your car. "Don't have to much fun," Dean said with a smile, i scoffed at him sitting next to Sam, rubbing the sides of my temples to try and get rid of this headache.

"You need anything?" Sam asked, you could tell he was the more thoughtful one, you could see Dean cared just, didn't show it, Sam showed it. "I'm good," you said breathing in, taking a sip of your water.

"I can't believe your Bobby's daughter, he never told us he had a daughter," he said, "he doesn't like me being near other hunters, but I guess the winchester family was different," you said shaking your head, "He kept you hidden well," Sam said, "I kept myself hidden well, I wasn't too fond of hunting when I was little and I hated other hunters, I use to tell my dad to not tell anyone about me, and he never did, besides John of course," you said.

"I'm sorry about him by the way, I know he wasn't father of the year but, I'm still sorry," you said, "so Bobby does tell you everything," he laughed, "well when I'm on my hunting trips he does," you smiled, you definitely felt a weird sort of connection with Sam, you felt safe around him, at ease, like you could let your guard down around him and he'd be there.

"You know it really does make sense now," you said to Sam, "Mary didn't mean to kill those people, she was trying to protect them, she was trying to protect her son from Gerard," you stated, "God how can a father do that to his own son," you groaned.

"It's horrible," Sam said, "I know,".

When you arrive back at the place, you immediately felt that the energy was different. It was darker, sadder, more disturbing.

"Is it just me or has this place gotten creepier," Dean says looking up at the building, "Well, Mary isn't here to protect it anymore, so Gerard turned it," Sam said, you sighed as the three of you walked in.

You did some research on the way here after Sam took over, Gerard was cremated, which means something of his is around here somewhere, and the reason Darren was still here is because Gerard attached himself to the poor kid, he won't be able to cross over until Gerard does.

"Right you two stay here I'll go upstairs," Dean says, "It'll be easier if we all split," you suggest, "Yeah and what's gonna happen if you have another vision thing?" Dean asks, you roll your eyes at him, you weren't mad about going with Sam but, you hated being treated like a child.

"So, if you don't mind me asking, what happened with you, other partner?" Sam asked as you both walked through the building, "What?" You asked, "You don't have to talk about it," he says, "no, it's ok, I just," you sighed, "My best friend, or my boyfriend, whatever you wanna call it, we were on this case together, and he saved my life but, when he saved my life he ended his own," you said trying to swallow back the tears from the horrible memory.

You sam walked around for a few minutes longer, he told you about his girlfriend Jess, and how he got her killed, even though it really didn't sound like his fault, you understood what he meant.

When you went to say something, you felt something grab your leg. "Sam," you said, looking to him, he was standing right next to you, he stopped and looked at you, you looked down to see a faint hand around your ankle, and then felt yourself being pulled, falling to the ground and dragged away, you screamed as you watched Sam chase after you, but you were pulled around a corner and smacked your head way to hard knocking yourself out.

You didn't know how long it had been, but you slowly started to open your eyes, head thumping as usual, and body in pain. "Sam?" You called out immediately, "oh nobody's going to hear you beautiful," you heard a disgusting old male voice, you started to cry as you turned your head to see Gerard, old and gross.

"What do you want?" You asked, trying to compose yourself. "Company," he said, "Let me go," you said trying to wriggle out of the chains you were in.

He darkly chuckled at your comment, "your funny sweetheart," he said, walking over to you. God it smelt horrible, "Your mine now," he smiled at you, teeth rotted and gross, eyes white yet dark.

"Sam!" "Dean!" You called out at the top of your lungs, "nobody's gonna hear you," he said, "we are to far down," he said, "What are you doing?" You asked as he took a knife, dragging it over your face, "I want to see you bleed," he smiles, you felt sick to your stomach, as a sharp paint spread across your arm, watching as he cut a line down your right forearm.

What felt like hours later, you were week. Gerard had cut your arms and you were most likely bleeding out, your arms looked like they were turned inside out, as you started to loose hope one last idea popped into your mind.

Sams pov

"Where is she?" I asked worried, I was so scared. "For fuck sake!" I yelled kicking in a wall, Dean trying to comfort me but it wasn't going to work.

"We'll find her," Dean said as we walked down the halls, trying to find anything. As I turned a corner, a piercing headache came to me. "Sam," I heard from behind me, but I couldn't hear him after a few seconds.

It was like a scratching noise, like nails on a chalk board. Then it went silent, I looked up and I saw y/n. "y/n," I ran up to her, she looked horrible, she looked so tired, but there wasn't a single drop of blood on her.

"Sam, basement," she said, "Down, underneath," she spoke, "I'm underneath," she says then looking up, I look up to see a familiar symbol, "help me," she then says before I feel myself came back to it.

"Sam," I hear deans voice, "I know where she is," I said before jumping up, she was at Gerard's grave, he was buried in the local cemetery, and his headstone had that same symbol, that symbol was also on a building we drove past in town.

Readers POV

Sam and Dean immediately broke into the building, not caring to be caught by anyone unless they were cops.

“Y/n!” Dean called out, bad idea. Because he was thrown against the wall, Gerard appeared in front of them, immediately attacking them.

You slowly came back to consciousness, you looked down to your arms and they were completely normal, he must’ve done a mind trick because you almost immediately started to feel stronger.

You looked around in a panic not seeing him, you struggled but you managed to wriggle out of the chains he had put you in, you felt weak but strong enough to get the holy hell out of there, but before you could you looked around for Darren.

“Darren,” you called out in your mind, and you felt him call you, down the dark hall you walked in when you first saw him.

Except this time he wasn’t screaming, you ran down and saw the boy chained up, he wasn’t alive but he was still in pain, “Help me,” he whimpered, you knew getting him out the chains wouldn’t do anything, Gerard was attached to me.

“Darren, I need you to help me,” you said, he looked at you, tears in his eyes, he looked so tired, “Is there anything of Gerard’s, anything of his former body that he keeps?” You asked, he whined shaking his head, “Darren I need you to think, it’s the only way I can help you,” you said, trying to ignore the headache that was pulsing throughout your head.

“Down the hall, in a green box, he keeps his hand, he got it cut off so he could have a knife hand,” he said in parts, struggling to get the words out, “That’s fucked up,” you said, “I’m gonna get you out, I promise,” you say before running out of there, to the only room down the end of the hall.

You rushed in there, the stench was eye watering, you felt like you could pass out. You felt for the lighter in your pocket as you noticed the green box he was talking about, you took it, opening it, seeing a rotten hand, maggots eating at it,”.

You brought the lighter to the hand, “bye sucker,” you said as you watched the hand burn, and you felt your headache start to lift.

You put the hand in the bin letting it burn, as you turned around you saw Darren. “Thank you,” he said before disappearing. You smiled to yourself, feeling proud.

You still felt a little dizzy, but you began to find your way out of there. As you climbed up a ladder, you looked around to see a very trashed building, you looked to see Sam and Dean standing up, groaning.

“Y/n,” Sam said with a smile, “That’s the second time I saved your life,” you said with a smile, walking up to the two boys. You watched Sam walk up to you giving you a hug, you smiled as you hugged the tall guy back. Feeling that connection with him.

“I’m glad your ok,” he said nodding, he looked down on you like he wanted to kiss you, and you knew he was thinking it, “your welcome,” you said noticing there wasn’t a thank you yet, he went to go say thank you but you kissed him before he could, “your welcome,” you said in a less sarcastic tone, “Do I get one now?” Dean interrupts the kiss.

“Dick,” Sam says, you smile at him. Before walking out with the two boys, “Where are you heading now?” Sam asked you as you stood by your car, “South Dakota, probably stay with my dad for a week before heading off somewhere,” you said with a smile, “you give us a call if you ever need anything,” Sam says handing you his number, “Got it,” you smiled, handing him a note with yours, “you give me a call when you need me to save your ass again,” you smiled.

He laughed, before leaning down giving you another kiss. This time more passionate, a little more adoring and needy. “I’ll see you Sam,” you smiled, “see you,” he said as you got into your car; and drove off.

That whole car ride Sam was the only person on your mind, in-fact for the next month Sam was intoxicating your mind, like a virus that wouldn’t go away, you couldn’t tell if you just really liked him, or if something was up, but the second you left him, you had already planned that you were going to see him again, thought about what you were going to say, and fantasised what you would do with him.

[millysastroblog]

What I think about ur zodiac placements / ~PT 1~

Hello this is my first astrology observation post pls take what I write here with a grain of 🧂.

It’s just for fun 🙃!

Sooooooo let’s dive into the 12 zodiac signs and my personal experience with them personally:)

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Aries 😌: You guys are some of the most intense fire crackers out there, like they have a lot of energy and determination with like literally all aspects of life. I honstley respect u for being energetic and always on the go. I mostly have a good time with these people because they are entertaining,funny and easy to be around with but the bad side of them is just that they can sometimes be all little bit to impatient and self centered and bad mouthed.Also Aries people are sooooo fucking stubborn like a Taurus placements. Like can u even listen for one second. Anyway I personally like Aries placenta bc I don’t get bored with them that much .

Taurus 🤩: I personally really like Taurus placement bc first of all I am one and second of all we are very chill relaxed people. No time to stress no time to argue Taurus people don’t like to be in rush or stress they just like peace and want to relaxxxxxxxx 🫠. They have an immaculate taste when it comes to how they dress, and they style their hair and what the eat .They want the best out of the matierial world and through being patient and consistent they achieve these goals. Taurus is a beautiful but sometimes lazy sign 🌺. They play by their action not their words. Taurus people like also things that smell and look good on others ( When I see a man or woman that smells bomb 1000 x that passes me by I tend to look their direction and want to ask them where they got that fragrance or perfume from bc Taurus people get highhhhh from that shit 🍃🌸 ahahahaah ).The bad side about Taurus people is the most well know fact that is their stubbornness like we don’t give a fuck about what u have to say If we feel like it’s not valuable or important in any kind of way. Well …. it’s going to dismissed. Taurus people are also very slow with their actions sometimes toooo slow. And the last point is their possessiveness they know exactly that they can be really focused and stingy with people or material items these are the kids in kindergarten that refuse to share shit or take things from other because the know want they want and once they know what they want their mind turn into a ROCK 🪨. ( Side note: Also don’t provoke them or make these people angry unless u want a visit from the devil 👿)

Gemini😕: Chille Gemini the twin twin twinsssss idk what to write but the fact that u guys are fake!Sorry not sorry I have always had that opinion about y’all and it probably will never change. u guys are not that bad but I find most of u kinda annoying the to much of talking and gossiping drives me insane like can y’all stf up for a minute I need a BREEAAAAaak 🤯. But I can appreciate ur intellect and observations about certain things. One thing about Gemini is that they can be funny and crack the most out of nowhere jokes. I have seen a lot of Geminis being two sided or twisted bc of indecisiveness u guys don’t know what y’all want because there are so many options, thoughts, ideas, opinions about things so u get confused and confuse others. So I can give u guys some compassion for that .but all in all I find u still (annoying & F A K E 😘).

Cancer 🥺🌸:

Awwwweeeeeweee my babies I am about two cry writing bc u are my soul sisters and brothers 🥲. I loveeeeeeeeeee u guys so much bc u are one of the most loyal people on this universe . The way u care about people that don’t give two fucks about y’all it’s sadddd 😖. I love that I can sit with u in silence and everything is good and calm and chill. I appreciate the fact that I can vent or tell things to you that deeply impact me and there is not judgement. Cancers have really kind hearts and souls ONLY FOR PEOPLE THEY CARE ABOUT. that’s why it takes some time for them to open up and be themselves.But once u have seen their family / brother, sisters, mama, Dady, sons, daughters, even fucking ancestors then let me tell you … u are in their life permanent 🤫 or for a very long time because once they love u they will be family to u or u to them. So positive side is that they are caring, good listeners, respectful, homebodies, chill people and loyal!!! NOW ITS NOT ALL SWEET LIKE CANDY WITH CANCERS BC they can be the complete opposite when they don’t like u or u have hurt them. Cancers tend to have a hard time expressing anger. So once they are fed up with u the are ready to literally attack u like a crab 🦀. So yeah them being passive aggressive is a huge bad side and a victim complex after u dumbed them they will pull out the fact that the took care of u and this and that so . Treat them nicely and everything shall be good 👍 ( I guess??😬)

Like for Part 2 ❤️👍

[sp00kyapricotz]

future- dallas winston x fem! reader

a/n: sorry i haven’t posted anything in a while i’ve just been super busy! but i’m into the outsiders now so yeah enjoy 😭i hate this a lot but i’ll be working on better stuff soon

warnings: blood mention, cut mention

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it was 12am and you were changing into a cream white silk slip when you heard a rythmic knock on your door

a normal person would be startled or pissed, but you were used to this by now

you knew who it was immediately, your boyfriend, dallas winston

you were taking to long to get to the door

“babeee open up”

he was all bloodied and bruised up, more than he usually was after a rumble

“god dal you look fucked up!” you say as you run up to him

“relax dollface i’m fine, just a few cuts and scrapes here and there, get me a cancer stick will ya babe”

“dally you are not fine stay here”

you run over to get some gauze and bandages from your room

“honey sit down”

he listens to you and sits down

he shuffles around in the couch seat trying to hide the immense pain he was going through, though you could still see it visibly

he accepted it at this point and took off his leather jacket, allowing you to see more of his injuries

that’s when you notice a blood stain on the side of his torso

“dallas don’t tell me this was another knife fight”

“ok it was, but babe if i had known it was gonna be a knife fight i wouldn’t have gotten like this you know those socs never fight fair”

“alright enough, take off your shirt that cuts gonna get infected if we wait any longer”

“wow you’re really that desperate to see me shirtless huh babe”

“dal just take the shirt off and shut up please”

normally he wouldn’t accept that kind of talk towards him but he was head over heels in love with you so he’d let you say anything to him and wouldn’t care, mainly because he just adored your voice

he took off his shirt and you got to work

“this is gonna sting a little okay”

you look up at him knowing he’s not focusing on your words instead he’s just looking straight into your eyes

“ah fuck” dally throws his head back onto the chair from the pain of the stinging

“ i told you it was gonna sting”

you wrap the gauze around his stomach noticing just how deep the cut actually was

“dal this shits pretty deep”

“yeha yeha i know ,just hurry i wanna go to bed”

“ok..”

you finish wrapping and bandaging and he gets up to go to your bedroom

“wait you’re staying over tonight?”

“yeah? i can’t stay over at bucks tonight the cops are gonna be looking for me over there”

“what the fuck? what else did you do now?”

“the cops showed up right before i started walking here, they saw me and started chasing me down, don’t worry though i don’t think they saw me come this way”

“shit dallas why you always gotta be getting into trouble like this?”

“what are you talking about?”

you see a rise in anger in his tone, which starts to scare you

“forget it, just go to bed dal the extra pillows are in the closet by the left door”

“alright…” he says turning back to you

….

after a long 15 minutes of silence, you assumed dally had fallen asleep already so you went along to the bathroom to get ready for the night

as you were washing your face, the sight of the gash on his stomach just kept replaying

you couldn’t help but think about how if that knife had gone a little further, you could’ve lost him forever

while you and dal had your rough spots, at the end of the day you could never live with out him

and with the thought of that your eyes began to water, then a river of tears came

you didn’t want dally to hear you, so you washed away the tears and just got straight into bed as if nothing happened

unfortunately he’s an incredibly light sleeper and when you got into bed he woke up

“y/n what time is it?”

his voice groggy and dry

“you’ve only been asleep for an hour go back to bed”

your voice was shaky and you knew he would hear it

and he did

“y/n what’s wrong?”

“what do you mean what’s wrong there’s nothing wrong”

dally turns on the lamp which reveals your puffy red eyes and nose

you see the scars on his face, his black eye and busted lip in more detail now that the light is on, you just broke down completely

he takes you in and holds on to you tightly

“doll what’s wrong, i can’t help you if i don’t know what’s buggin you”

“it’s you dal, i love you too much to see you getting hurt like this all the time”

“what?”

“if that blade had gone even an inch further i probably would’ve never seen you again, and i- i just don’t think i’d be able to live with that”

“you know i’ll never die from a rumble like that, i’m tough okay? you don’t gotta worry alright”

“i know you’re tough. but you’re not made of steel, a bullet goes through you and you’re gone… gone! you realize that right?”

“i know, but that’s not gonna happen alright”

dally moves his hands to holds your face

“look i know i don’t have a future, but you do and i just don’t wanna see you wasting that on someone like me. but if you want me to be a part of that future then i’ll try to keep out of shit that could get me killed”

“but you do have a future dal, at least with me..”

“so please just try to keep out of trouble”

“i can’t make too many promises but i can say ill try”

“thank you dally”

you look up into his eyes and fall into his warm embrace.

[jinx-on-mars-19xx]

Hey people I love 🫀

I may not be able to post a chapter tomorrow, I'm not sure. I was only able to today because my dad's procedure took longer than we thought it would but he had to have some more facial skin cancer removed and so I may be a little slow today trying to help out around the house. They found like four more spots on his face and one might be on his eye so at some point more biopsies. Fuck. Don't go outside without sunscreen please? I don't know what that even means will happen but... I'm not worrying about it right now. One thing at a time.

I also have a PT appointment in the early afternoon tomorrow but... I'm thinking I'll just go long enough to explain I can't do this anymore. I still can't put pressure on my knee, my joints are all fucked, and I've lost even more weight since starting that I definitely didn't have to lose. PT is getting dangerous, so I'm just one of those EDS cases that it can't help with... That's okay. I also have to get mom in to her doctor's office to get something about her medication cleared up. I hate how the medical stuff works here. It's exhausting. Everything is exhausting though. It's funny being so stressed on the first day of my birth month. I'm not one of those people that makes a big deal out of the month, normally I mostly ignore the day itself but I just find it ironic I might be starting this year off a little bit more crazed than last year.

At least I have an answer now though which I didn't last year. I was lost and scared and overwhelmed by my health and I still am but my docs seem to think an answer fixes it all right? That's what you get for having diagnosticians as your primary care. They stop caring as much once they solve the riddle. It only took them like eight years. Woot 🥳

Sorry, I'm not trying to complain or be emo. I just wanted to let everyone know I might be slow today and tomorrow, I don't know about the next day but we'll see. I'll try to be here if anyone needs me and I'm sorry if I suck at it lately. I'm trying. I love you all so much 🖤

[komotionlessqueenmm]

Okay so....

This was a post I probably should have made a few days ago...

But we're here now...

So let me explain a few things that are happening right now in my personal life, things no one on this site knows.

❌Dark topics ahead, readers discretion is advised.❌

Firstly I should "introduce" you two the individuals I'm going to be talking about.

The first being my mothers mother, who we'll call K, and the woman I currently live with.

Then we have my father's mother, who we'll call T.

My grandmother's, my biological grandmother's.

Well a little over a year ago (maybe a year and a half or so, I'm terrible with time, it always escapes me.) they were both diagnosed with lung cancer within a few months of eachother.

K being the first to receive her diagnosis.

They both seemed to be doing pretty good for a while, they'd done radiation, and immuneotherapy, surgery was never an option for either of them.

K's cancer even went into remission near the end of fall in 2022 or so. Even after she refused more treatment, as she felt more miserable doing it, and she'd come to terms with it.

Then in January of 2022 K's husband. Who we'll call R, and the man I had grown up calling my grandfather, despite him not being my biological grandfather. Suddenly died of a heart attack, right in front of K, who while in the hospital had to witness first hand as they tried to resuscitate him.

It was two days before her birthday, and after they called it, my father called me to tell me the news, I was at work when it happened.

They made his funeral plans on K's birthday.

Despite having Covid and Strep throat, I attended his funeral anyways, sitting in a far back corner away from everyone so as to not get anyone sick.

Things were strange for a long time, and hard on everyone, but we took it one day at a time.

And for a while things were going good, well considering.

Up until about two weeks ago... K's cancer is no longer in remission, and it's spreading into her throat.

She's doing radiation again, but it's really only delaying the inevitable, as horrible as it is to say.

And T... Well yesterday the doctors informed the family that she only has a few days left...

And my family is afraid that when T passes, her husband B, will just completely give up on life, and do something drastic.

He's been with her since he was 19, he doesn't know how to be on his own... And he's known for making terrible choices when he's distraught.

Christ it's such a fucked situation...

I'm crying as I write this...

For the past two years I have had to watch as my grandmother's are dying, and at least one of my grandfather dies.

These passed two years have been some of the hardest years I've been through so far in life.

And I'm not writing it because I want sympathy, or pity or anything like that. That's why I've not talked about it until now. I'm writing this because I need to get it off my chest.

And I wanted you all to know why I suddenly go AFK for days at a time.

I know you guys will understand, and I know you'll give me the time I need, but I just needed you all to know.

Cherish your loved ones, as cheesy as it sounds, because you never know when you've said your last goodbye.

I love you all, and I appreciate you all more than you'll ever realize.

And I'm so sorry to just drop this emotional bomb on you all.

Sometimes life is just to fucking real... And god it hurts so much...

----

@l0vel3ss-l1nds3y @dearest-painter

(I wanted to tag you both in case you guys would miss it on your dash. And I really thought you both ought to know as well.)

[my-quirk-is-fred]

So I wanna talk about that earlier post because it kind of bothers me.

I made a psa about PCOS, which is a disorder/disease/etc that effects people with certain organs (usually ovaries) and anonymous referred to me saying “anyone with ovaries” as terfy because PCOS does effect those with female reproductive organs.

It is important to address these diseases because it can sometimes mean life and death and huge life changes.

Unfortunately, we cannot make our bodies stop being our bodies, otherwise we wouldn’t be getting cancer, mental disorders, and other health issues. All we can do is treat these problems until we find cures.

And the only way to do that is to know WHAT causes it, and WHY it is caused, and HOW it is caused, and most of all, include all that is involved in it (testicles, ovaries, scrotum, etc)

And for PCOS, it is caused by certain things, usually related to female reproductive systems.

It is important to mention that disorders and diseases can share symptoms but can be caused by completely different things.

If you have symptoms that are shared with PCOS but you are AMAB, you might have something else entirely and it could be dangerous if you use the wrong treatments.

AMAB and AFAB will have differences in organs and hormones. We cannot ignore them and hide. We have to face it.

But you can still identify as who you really are.

Something that people seem to be forgetting is that gender has nothing to do with sex. Remember that terfs and anti-trans people have used this idea of “being the sex you were born with”.

Saying “anyone with ovaries” is as inclusive as you can get for a nasty disorder that primarily effects those with ovaries. Sorry that certain diseases aren’t inclusive to AMAB, tf?

Yeah, fuck me for acknowledging differences and trying to make things better by adjusting and adapting to those differences. Sorry that not everyone’s physical bodies and health are the same.

Differences doesn’t make you less nor does it mean you are automatically a woman because you had/have ovaries.

I’m aware that terfs hammered in the idea that sex = gender to the point where we automatically assume that saying “anyone with ovaries” includes only cis women, but maybe, oh, I don’t know, we should stop associating sex organs with our gender like terfs do.

Just a thought.

Sorry for this unorganized rant. I’m just a little upset that someone would imply that I was being terfy despite being inclusive.

Like wtf am I supposed to do? Just not include the fact that PCOS effects AFAB specifically and have people accidentally misdiagnose themselves because I failed to add an important fact that I knew was important?

Sorry that diseases don’t give a flying shit about people? Didn’t realize that diseases respect people’s boundaries and pronouns…

I respect your pronouns but I won’t respect blatant stupidity.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi Sex Witch, I have a question on behalf of my girlfriend (afab). This might well be a 'see a doctor' situation, but i thought i'd ask anyway.

About two or three weeks ago we had sex (penetration with fingers) and she started having her period again a little bit after it. This was odd because she'd just finished her period the week beforehand. We were obviously concerned about it and she booked an appointment with a doctor. She's had very painful periods for a long time so we thought it might be something with her ovaries. The period stopped after a few days but we fucked again on Friday and she's been spotting over the weekend and now it's started again.

She's got an internal scan today and she'll be getting the results from an STI test in a few days. I don't know if there's much else that you can advise us on here, but does this sound like any STI you're aware of? She's worried that she might be contagious and have given me something and I'm worried for the opposite. I'm also really concerned that i might be hurting her during sex and it's making her bleed.

Any advice would be really welcome and would help calm both of our nerves. Thank you.

hi anon,

sorry to hear you and your girlfriend are dealing with this; I hope I can help some.

if this is an STI, the post-sex bleeding would seem to point most strongly towards chlamydia or gonorrhea, or possibly pelvic inflammatory disease. that's actually pretty good news, even if you've also caught it, because all are extremely easy to treat with a round of antibiotics - and nothing says romance like taking your medicine together!

the alternative is that it could be something that isn't contagious but is much harder to cure - you've likely already seen the extremely soothing google searches declaring that it must be vaginal cancer. that's not impossible, but statistically very unlikely. more plausible are conditions like endometriosis or polycystic ovarian syndrome, especially if your girlfriend has a history of painful, complicated periods.

re: your last concern that you're hurting her during sex - if your girlfriend says what you're doing is fine then you should believe her, but there's always the possibility that we're simply not using enough lubricant. minor vaginal tearing and even a little spotting are fairly common after penetrative sex, and while it sounds like your girlfriend is bleeding more than average, it could still be within the realm of possibility. especially if those scans and tests come back negative, consider investing in a jumbo-sized bottle of lube and reassessing how you approach sex to see if changing it up prevents further bleeding.

wishing you both satisfying answers and peace of mind while you wait,

ur sex witch

[bisexualnathanyoung]

Ok but pls post the soul crushing oc piece nobody wants… I want

Okay, anon, just for you ❤️ someone actually caring about my writing omg

Context is basically that Mel’s mum is an inpatient facility for alcoholism and probably other diagnosed mental illnesses I just haven’t put a name to them bc I’m not a psychiatrist or anything but long story short, Mel is telling her mum that she’s pregnant. It also includes a flashback from baby Mel that came out of nowhere, but it’s there. Idk what the fuck is up with this formatting, but I just pasted it from my google docs so oh well.

TW: pregnancy, big feelings of being unwanted and distrust of her mother, miscarriage (implied)/fertility issues, divorce mention, little baby Mel getting blamed for things that aren’t her fault :(, hospital mentions, birth mentions

Word count: 1.6k

I took a breath; I signed in, and I waited for her.

I watched her walk in. She looked better and better each time I’d come up there. This was the second week she’d started wearing makeup again after they’d allowed my aunt to bring her some. She was starting to look more like herself, which scared me in a way. But I was already scared. How do you tell your mother you’d make the same choice she had after years of screaming that you’d never be like her? I could leave at any moment. I didn’t owe her anything. She was doing better. She was trying. I still didn’t trust her. I didn’t know how much time would have to pass before I trusted my child alone with my mother.

I walked up to hug her before we sat down at a table.

“You look good,” I said with a small smile. Trying to hide my nerves. My powers were calm which was a good sign.

“You say that every time you see me,” she said with a laugh.

“Well, it’s true,” I smiled back.

“Hadn’t seen you in a little while. Been busy?” She asked.

I nodded. I started tearing up. My hands were hidden under the table.

“Work… had a doctor’s appointment a couple weeks ago,” I bit down on my lip.

Her eyebrows knit together. She looked concerned, “Are you alright? It’s not cancer, is it?”

I shook my head. I stared at my hands and shoved my fingers into my palms.

“‘S alright, love. You don’t have to say anythin’ you don’t want to…” she responded in a calm tone. I sat there for a moment. Not crying. She knows. She has to know. I refused to look at her. I don’t know what I thought she would do. I was simply terrified.

“How’s Nathan?” she asked, “still around?”

“He’s good,” I smiled a bit. I wiped my eye, “I should’ve brought him with me. I ruined things when you met him. I haven’t even told you how much he means to me.”

“I ruined it,” she said, “don’t blame yourself for shit that I did.” I stopped myself from saying maybe I wouldn’t if you hadn’t my entire life.

“I’m pregnant,” I blurted out. I finally looked at her.

She nodded, “I can tell.” For some reason, I ran my now calmed down hands over my tiny bump.

“I’m only twelve weeks tomorrow. How can you tell?!” I crossed my arms.

“You’ve been pregnant for two months and didn’t tell me?” Oh great now she’s upset. I’m fat, and she’s upset.

“I haven’t known very long… I was scared. I thought you’d,” I started crying, “I thought you’d give me the big lecture on how now I know… now I know how awful it was for you… but it’s not awful. I mean it’s stressful and scary, and I keep getting sick, but… but I just… I don’t know!”

One of the staff of the facility walked up to us, “Do we need to cut the visit short?” I realized how many eyes were on me and put all of my focus on not triggering my power.

My mum shook her head, “She’s my only daughter, and she’s just told me she’s pregnant. She’ll be okay.”

The man in scrubs looked back at me, “If you need to go, you can.”

I also shook my head, “I’m sorry…”

“It’s alright,” he said, “you need to feel those strong emotions. I was just making sure nobody needed a break or was getting hurt or anything like that.”

I took a deep breath, “I’ve calmed down. I’m excited for my baby… hormones… scary.” I shrugged.

He nodded, “Congratulations.”

I nodded back, and he walked away.

My mum grabbed my hand under the table, “wow,” was all she said. I squeezed her hand.

“So you’re having it?” She asked.

“I hope so,” I said, “anything can happen…”

She nodded, “you know how much trouble I had with George.”

Her first husband. The whole teen pregnancy drama that created me never resulted in marriage. But George did. The only good thing she’d ever had. They wanted a family together so badly. We lived in the country in a hundred year old house that was falling apart, but we made it work. And yet two of those rooms always felt so empty. It certainly wasn’t my first memory of feeling unwanted by my mother, but it was the first time I knew. I was six years old. They’d been married for nearly a year. George was my dad. I didn’t know anyone else until I’d found contact with my biological father two years later. George thought it’d be good for me. My mother disagreed. Anyway, I’d woken up. It could’ve been 9pm; it could’ve been 2am. I just knew it was dark, and my mother was sobbing. I’d already gotten in the habit of taking care of her. I’d watch how George was talk to her softly and hold her. Give her tissues and cigarettes and whatever else she needed. But he worked eleven hours a day, and my mother didn’t. So I would take care of her during the day.

But it was night time. I couldn’t hear George’s voice through the wall, so I needed to take action. I got out of bed and began to walk to their room. Then, I heard him. Smooth, soft, soothing Welsh accent.

“It’s alright, love,” he said barely above a whisper, “We’ll get you to the doctors in the morning. You’re going to be alright. It’s okay.”

And the antithesis that was my mother. Loud. Fast. Panicked. Almost unintelligible north of York accent surrounded by sobs.

“I just want a fuckin’ baby, Geo! I wan’ t’ have a family with you. Start our fuckin’ lives. I dunno. I’m fuckin’ useless as shite sittin’ round all the time!” She continued to cry as I bit at my tiny finger nails.

“We do have a family, sweet. We’ve got our little Mel, and all the wee puppies outside. We’ve got a family. Nothin’s gonna change that,” I took a couple steps closer to the door at the mention of my name. Maybe I could help… then my mother fucking screamed, and I jumped near out of my skin.

“I don’t. Want her!”-

My step-father cut her off, “don’t say that-

“She’s the reason this is happening! She fucking ruined my body! We’re playing fucking happy families! She’s not your daughter, George! She never will be! She’s a fucking reminder of a mistake that stopped me from ever having a life I could’ve wanted! My father could’ve walked me down the aisle if I hadn’t had her… Our baby would be me changin’ things,” she dissolved into a mess of tears. And so did I. But like most times in my life. My mother was louder.

“How could you say that?” George began. He was a bit louder now, but I didn’t care. I ran into my room and hid under the covers.

He woke me up in the morning. My mother was still in her room as I ate my breakfast.

“When my mummy runs away from you, I can stay here?” I asked.

I still remember the look of shock on his face, “your mummy’s not running away from me. We’re married. That’s forever.”

I’d learn that forever lasts approximately five years and three months.

I nodded, “Nathan reminds me of George sometimes.”

She shrugged, “he was useless like every other man on this planet.”

I ignored her comment, “we’re really excited.”

She squeezed my hand and gave me a small smile, “good, I’m happy for you. I’ve got two more weeks before my stay is over. I want to help you in any way I can.” Just to let me down like always? I wanted to believe in her. I believed she was getting better. I was scared to let her back in my life at all. She was trying… but I didn’t know if she could ever change.

I let go of her hands and placed them on my tiny bump that I thought wasn’t noticeable, “I think I want to give birth at home.” I didn’t trust my power. I assumed whatever generators the hospital had in place would be better off if I’d shot the power from afar. If the lights went off in my flat, we could use torches to help me and my baby. I was scared to cause that much chaos in a hospital.

She widened her eyes, “that’s extremely dangerous. Are you mental?” Yes, I am, but that’s aside from the point.

“No. I’m speaking with a midwife in a couple of weeks. Nathan’s scared of the idea too. I’m weighing my options,” I explained.

She shook her head, “okay,” she let out a breath.

“Thank you for telling me,” she continued, “I love you.” I still had a hard time believing that.

“I love you too,” I smiled.

“Jesus… being a grandmother at 36… fuck. Condom break? No offense, love, but I thought you were smarter than me,” she added. Can never have anything nice, can I?

“We wanted to have a baby,” I lied, “I love him. He loves me. We’re having a baby.” That part wasn’t a lie.

Her jaw dropped. She blinked a couple of times. She closed her mouth.

“I… alright…” she said, “did I miss the wedding?” She grabbed my hand again and said, “I’m sorry, Mel, I didn’t know. You’re so involved with this man that you’re having a child with him, and I had no idea. I’m going to be there for my grandchild. I’m so happy for you.” The second time she’d said seemed a lot more convincing than the first.

“Thanks, Mum,” I stood up, “I’ll be in touch.” She stood up, and we hugged again.

She was teary-eyed, “you’re going to be an amazing mum, love. Much better than I ever was.”

“I know,” I said, turned around, and walked away.

[spindash]

embarrassing but i jusst need to talk ok.......... under the cut because iknow itll be long um im talking abot cancer and animal death and dog like. i dont knw. attacks. & other kindof awful things so no pressure to even look or read anything. loveyou forevr

My uncle isnt going to make it the next two years even with the two surgeries and chemo the brain tumor is too much and he just got the news the beginning of this month that hes not going to make it. we all kindof knew that woukd be the case even w his last surgery but nobody knew it would be so soon. hes literally like my best friend he has been ever since i was little and he means the world to me. he got diagnosed august of last year and its been like a fucking nightmare ever since. And on top of that i lost agnes like less than a fucking week aftwr i got the news about my uncle its literally been crushing and its hard for me to want to do anything at all and nobody even wants to TALK about it im just supposed to deal alone and my dad will not stop pressuring me to finish getting my degree and get a job and i know i should and i want to but its impossible to do anytbing at all im so exhausted like physically i can barely stay awake and i just feel so isolated. And then we've been taking care of my uncles dog for the last year obviously since he cant and shes never liked me too much but she tolerates me because Im a sucker and i love giving her little treats like peanut butter and any nibbles of what im eating aslong as its safe bht i dont know whats happened in the last few weeks she has completely flipped the switch and i genuinely cannot leave my room anymore without her baring her teeth at me and growling and lunging for me. shes gotten me really bad a couple times thats what that bruise was from and i have some nasty gashes and scars on my feet and legs like ive never bled that much it soaked thru my sock and all over the floor she completely scares the shit out of me i cant even be near her without bawling my eyes out anymore. my parents are like yeah yeah well we'll talk to your uncle soon about getting her some training but not now and dont mention it because youll upset him. Like i think hes going to be more upset that his dog is trying to fucking kill me or something than you asking if he would pay for her to go. somebwere i dont know anywhere. i dont want anything to happen to her like putting her down shes not a bad dog atall she just had such a hard time with different owners as a puppy. it makes me feel awful to say but i wish to fucking god she was anywhere but here not just cuz she scares me but Im scared for the cats too. shes surprisingly aloof towards them but i dont know. i thought she was fine with me too and now. Sprry this is all crazy personal and like batshit to post online if you read all of this um. sorry do you still like me etc i dont have any joke to wrap it up with literally every good thing in my life is crumbling around me and i cant do anything about it nor do i have to tools to deal with it emotionally and i want to blow my head off 👍

[blayzebryte]

My 50th birthday came and went without fanfare. For months leading up to it I had a goal weight in mind and a dress I had wanted to fit into. As the day drew closer my weight kept creeping up. And now I am the biggest I’ve been in six years! Doh!

Disappointing, maybe - but hardly surprising. I mean, this is what happens every birthday, especially the ‘milestone’ ones. Instead of despairing, I thought about what had happened and contrasted it with what I was doing a couple of years ago when I felt a lot more in control of my body.

One thing I learned long ago is that aiming for a goal weight or size by a particular date simply does not work for me. I have since found what DOES work - so why the fuck didn’t I do that this time? Isn’t insanity doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? Oh well, back to piecing together my success formula from a few years back…

For a start, I would involve my body in what is going on. She has her own wisdom, which is extremely valuable, but she can’t grasp abstract concepts like sizes, weights, and dates. She responds best when I communicate with her as if she were a child or a dog.

She’s actually a bit like a traumatised rescue dog. Specifically a Labrador. She is eager to please, but needs to be dealt with kindly, patiently and with clear and achievable instructions.

“Lose x number of kilos by a certain date” is not really an actionable instruction. What does it really even mean? I started seeing results when I focused on the smaller daily activities that would inevitably lead to my improved physical and mental state, instead of a numeric goal.

My goal was no longer ‘lose a large amount of weight’ and became ‘stick to my diet TODAY’. Do some exercise TODAY. Don’t snack for the next few hours. They were goals I could achieve in one day - rather than it taking months and months.

I do tend to get quite impatient and dejected when I don’t see results, so I would cling to these micro-goals and really praise myself up for achieving them. It sounds a bit silly, but it worked. I would tell myself how proud I was, how well I was going, yay for you, look at you go etc. And all I’ve done is go for a walk around the block or not eat a biscuit, but the constant internal encouragement kept me going much more effectively than self-criticism.

I don’t respond well to criticism from others or myself. It makes me want to just roll into a ball. Scaring myself didn’t work either. I was plenty scared of diabetes and getting cancer again - but being scared just makes me want to eat more, so it’s counter-productive.

And I spent a few years of being encouraging to myself and praising every little step forward, and I lost a huge amount of fat, gained an impressive amount of muscle and I felt fantastic, so maybe it wasn’t so silly.

When I got complacent and stopped doing it, and went back to just being critical and judgey and demanding with my body - that’s when the weight piled on, my energy levels plummeted and I lost enthusiasm for exercise and lifting.

There were a a lot of other factors too that led to my derailment - I’ll discuss them in other posts. It’s interesting to go back and piece together what was working for me before and try to reconstruct my former success.

I used to have regular chats with my Labrador body. “Hey, thanks for letting me know you’re hungry. It’s really important that you tell me things, so I want to listen to you. I hear you say you’re hungry, but you know, we did have a good lunch, and we’re going to have a lovely dinner at 6pm and I think you’ll probably be fine til then. I know it’s not what you’re used to, not being able to snack, but let’s think about something else until dinner.”

I realised today that I haven’t had a chat with my body in a while. It did used to help a lot. It’s been a while, so here’s a letter for her:

Hey girl, how are you doing? I mean, really, how are you? I haven’t asked you for a while, I’ve been frustrated at you, and I’m sorry. I know you haven’t been well, and it’s not your fault.

You were trying to recover from the flu, and it took longer than we thought it would, but you’re trying your best. You’ve been really tired, and I’m sorry I wasn’t more understanding.

I’m wanting you to feel your best, so I’ve been going to the naturopath and taking some herbs and stuff he gave me, and you seem to be responding quite well to them, so thank you for that. I can see you’re trying to get going again and I appreciate it. I’m going to do what I can to help you, and together we’ll get back to feeling good.

I want to start building some muscle again. Do you remember how great it felt to have a bit of muscle and to have some strength? It was great wasn’t it? I want that again. We’ve gotten quite weak and flabby and it doesn’t feel good. We’re putting this virus behind us, and it’s time to start on the weights again. We don’t have to go crazy, but we’ll keep it consistent okay? A few times a week, with plenty of rest. And I’ll make sure I’m eating enough protein so you won’t be sore.

I’d like it if you could burn up some of the fat we’ve accumulated in the last few months. As you build up some muscles, you can use some of that stored fat when you need extra energy. I’d really like it if you could do that.

Thank you for hanging in there through all this, and thank you for recovering from this illness, and thank you for functioning well and being here for me. I’m sorry I haven’t spoken to you for a while, and I’m sorry I was demanding and impatient. Let’s be friends again. I’ve got some fun activities planned for us, and some great meals that you’re gonna love.

[only-angel-28]

Okay I’m finally here! I wanted so badly to read it when you posted but I was so freaking tired I crashed 😭 But I’m here with another rant/essay of thoughts and emotions haha I feel like with every chapter I write more and more 😂

Getting a glimpse into Conrad’s head in any fic itches my brain nicely, idk I just love him?? Anywho, the way you write his like emotions and his anger/frustration? I’m here for it, he deserves to be a little upset instead of just shutting himself down to protect himself 🥺🖤 BUT him tracking Dean down and punching him before the ass can even get a word in?! Yes!! Thank you omg, protector Conrad getting his emotions out AND making sure Dean knows he’s not welcome anymore? no and then he comes home and tucks us in??? After beating a guy up?? God I’m feral for him I need therapy 😂

Him and his moms? (Bc lbr Susannah x Laurel is the real otp here 😭🖤) I tear up every time Susannah’s cancer gets brought up bc of personal stuffs so like Conrad crying on her and letting himself feel bc he didn’t mean to hurt us while his mom was sick?? My eyes were sweating I wanna give him cuddles and back rubs and forehead kisses 🥺😭🖤🖤

Steven would be that person tho “oh don’t worry I watched the cooking channel I can do this!” And then fucks it all to hell 😂 I love him, I feel like Steven and I would be those besties that are complete idiots together because we share half a braincell 😂

And Connie calling us my girl?!?! AND baby?!! That shit gives me butterflies omg 😭😭 im so lonely lmfao ahh the whole living room scene has me in a choke hold I love him, just ahhhhh the domesticity of caring for your lover after he beats someone up for you 🥺🖤

The almost kiss on the beach had me swooning too 😭 Fucking Steven and cockblocking us 😂😂

MATCHING TATTOOS AHHH 😩😩

No but who tf does Thérèse think she is???? “Sorry I stole your bf I was jealous but I ended things with him” like good for you but stay away lmao like that trust would be so damaged!!! Thérèse and Dean really do deserve each other 😤😤

Okay but us hitting Dean? And just being a feral cat about him not shutting up? Yes please?! Couples who beat shitty exes up together are top tier 😂 (I know we’re not a couple yet but in my heart Conrad’s already my husband 😂🖤) AND AGAIN the of checking over each others wounds?!!! I love them, your honor. 🖤🖤

Okay but Connie immediately wanting to take off and beat the shit out of Dean, while the love of his life’s injured??? But his tunnel vision is just like “gotta kill this guy”?? Like you idiot I don’t want Jere to take me to the hospital I want the person that makes me feel safe there 😭😭😭

Overall I love how theres a bunch of little moments showing how we love each other but it doesn’t feel forced or too fast? Like obviously Conrad and her just wanna kiss (damn you Steven) but also they’re comfortable just existing together too because they both know they care?? Does that make sense? Is that even what you were going for? Idk but that’s how I’m feeling it rn, maybe it’s just my craving for love that’s reading in too deep 😂😂

AHHH 😭 Anyway thank you again for another glorious chapter, I love it, I adore you, and I’m so so excited for more! I can’t wait to see the moms reactions to their tattoos (and for getting into a fight and getting injured 💀😂) and just for more shenanigans in general with everyone 🖤🖤😭

oh. my gosh. STOP I LOVE THESE COMMENT THINGYS SM THEYRE SO FUN.

ok so i totally agree, dean is a RAT he deserves whatever happens to him ik i wrote the damn thing but i stand w it🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

no but fr someone needed to humble dean and thérèse both like they’re so annoying. i didn’t want thérèse to have a giant monologue just explaining why she did what she did bc honestly people like that don’t rly say all that much irl, they’re just looking for ways to get back in ur life and mess it up again tbh and she was just annoying too like

and i mean i didn’t wanna say it myself but yes the main characters here ARE susannah and laurel, glad we cleared that up. they’re literally so cutesy and wonderful i love them sm

STEVENS SO FUNNY STOP- hes literally hilarious i love him sm

no honestly i love the living room scene too it’s so cutesy and domestic i thought those two needed a tiny little cute relaxed moment before it all went down tbh💀💀

and i agree, if someone called me baby??????????

🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

that’s all i have to say. next question.

no everytime i write an almost kiss im literally on the edge of my seat as well like should i make them kiss or should i wait🤨🤨

REAL. we’re not officially w conrad yet but we bascially are married w two dogs and an adopted son (steven) so we don’t even need to go through the formalities anymore

no fr like ily conrad but now is not the time, you better get in that car and drive to the hospital.

YESS IT DOES MAKE SENSE IM SO GLAD YOU NOTICED!!!! i didn’t want to make this one too like fast paced or too like oh everyone gets what they want happily ever after like i feel like you don’t need to be constantly making out or talking w someone you care about, even just spending some time w them is more than enough like just having these tiny cute little moments is so lovely

YESS IM SO EXICTED TO WRITE MORE ON THIS ONE sadly i don’t think i can post another part until like friday night / the weekend bc schooo started again today (kms) and it’s gcse year (double kms) but im so happy you like it, i love love love these conment things so much you have no idea🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽

[withtheghostofblue]

you.

i have twenty five minutes until i have to leave for work. im not sure what I'm meant to do, or say. I'm so proud of you for everything you've done. was shooting really not that scary? you always spoke about how you were worried it would hurt your ears. i know I stopped checking in on your for a little. things have been going well. i even stopped texting your number. i thought I would call once inna while but I've not bothered. i figure at this point little updates are good enough. i do still miss you. and I look in on you a lot. but I've focused on myself a little more. i think a lot of my problems were because K didn't show me enough love. made me second guess everything anyone did. he turned me against you, by the way. i didn't want to snap back. I'm sorry ab what I did to you. my boys are still good, and I'm working on my business again! ive been clean for 58 days. shit was really bad back in august but ive only had one hiccup since then. I'm doing a craft fair saturday- I'm so nervous. its my second craft fair and my first one with my own booth. i think I wanna visit home. is wild women's still there? i know greenlaws is gone- I cried when I found out. maybe the new shop isn't as bad as it seems!! ive not been back there since I moved. ive seen k and ash. he's gonna propose soon!! we helped him look at rings over the phone last month. gram is still loud and drunk all the time. stacy isn't as bad, shes cancer free now! uh. i dont know what else I missed. all I really have to say is I'm so proud of you for being clean for so long. you're doing amazing. i hope you have fun taking T back with you guys. try and go to pumpkin fest please, I'm gonna miss it. i don think I can make it back that soon. maybe next year, who knows. sometimes I see people who look like you and it hurts a little bit. i dont think that will go away. but I dont cry when I see you've posted, I'm glad you're back to posting happy things. I'm so proud of who you've become, and I'm sorry I couldn't be there for that. I'm happy you were able to figure out why you were falling back into old patterns and fix it before it destroyed you this time. you deserve to be happy.

k is back in NH, just a warning. i don't know if youll run into him, but please be safe if you do. there's so much I wish I spoke up about when it came to him. but anyway, this is gonna end on a good note. not something ab k, fuck that dude.

i hope dad realizes why hes not in the babies life, I'm so glad you are. n I hope C liked your bub, yall have made it almost a year n a half if I'm not mistaken. i wish you nothing but healing and love, even if I cant be a part of your journey. thank you for updating me, my love. I'm so fucking proud of you. you're gonna make it to 300 days soon, Thursday. have a good day. or night. whenever you see this. enjoy spooky month, ill check back in again inna bit <3