#sorry for the weird POV change I thought it fit the story better

[borderlineomniverse]

Gorgeous: a Jebrex Flash Fic

a/n: I know I'm sorry it's taken me this long. Just dont judge too hard, okay? The beginning is a little janky cause I didn't know how to start it but this came to me in a fit of inspired passion so I'm passing it along to you. Also, happy two years to Borderline Forever! This release synced up perfectly.

Based on the Taylor Swift song of the same name, no major warnings, but there's a weird POV change tho if you're not into that sort of thing. Also, language. Enjoy!

~~~

It’s not fair. Why does he have to look… like that.

There he is, the big dork. Looking really funny in his bright red shirt. A mismatched pair of khakis and brown loafers that look just a tad too small. Messy hair (I’m shocked he’s not wearing a hat), tapping and twirling along to the bashful bubblegum beat.

I inhale sharply and decide to sit down with Scott. He’s laughing at something Jerry said.

“Where’s Terry?” they ask.

Another sigh. Where indeed did my boyfriend disappear off to? “The club, I think. Who knows what he’s doing.”

“Not you.” Rex slides into the booth at my side. My breath stops in my throat and I look directly ahead. Out the window, a beautiful sunset. It’s vibrant shades of orange and red, matching his button up. Oh gosh why’d it have to look like that.

Whiskey is served. Normally I don’t drink too heavily, but this night all bets are off. My fingers lock on the bottle and have the cap unscrewed before Scott can sit up and thank the waiter.

“Hot damn. Someone’s thirsty,” says Jerry.

“Yeah, thirsty for something,” Rex teases. Fuck, I shouldn’t have glanced at him when he said that. A bite of the lip and a flirty wink. Why does he have to be like this?

I down the bottle. Then the second. The waiter brings out more. How many have I had now? I can’t tell, Jerry keeps clearing them away before I can count them. They don’t seem to pay much attention to me, laughing and checking out the other partygoers. Rex comments on the pretty brunette. I’ve had enough.

“You’ve got. *gulp* The worst vocabulary I’ve ever heard.”

I get a few weird glances from the table.

“Honestly. Dumpy?? That’s the best word you can think of? Dumbass?”

“Oh yeah? What word would you have used?”

“And your drawl. ULGH it makes me sick.” Or maybe it’s just the whiskey. I hate whiskey. Why did I have so much?

“You’re drunk.”

“And you’re mean.”

“What did I do this time?” Rex stands, exasperated. “You’re the one insulting me.”

“Payback for Thursday,” I growl, also rising out of the booth.

Jerry puts his hands up in a gesture of calming. “Hey guys, why don’t y’all just…”

“SHUT.” The two of us say in unison. It makes me look back at his dumb, gorgeous face. I can’t stand it.

“Look, if you can’t handle being without me for one night…” Rex starts, almost sleazily.

“You told me you would be at my apartment at 5:00!” I yell, turning heads. “So I waited, and waited. And waited. And by the time it was 11 all I got was a dumb text saying you wouldn’t show up; how can you do that to a person?? Your communication skills…”

“Hey, uhh, why don’t we head outside?” suggests Scott. I try to protest but before I know it the four of us are in the parking lot and Scott’s sitting me in his passenger seat. He shouldn’t have rolled the windows down; I give Rex a middle finger as we drive away. I get a violent honk in response.

“What is going on with you two?” asks Scott, turning off the radio.

“I don’t know,” I whine, the sting of tears gracing my eyes.

“Look. I know things haven’t been great with you and Terry lately, and I know you’ve always cared about Rex…”

“I love him, Scott,” I sob, choking on my spit as tears start to free fall. “Why do I have to love him?”

“Have you always?”

“I don’t know. No. Yes. I don’t…” I wipe my eyes with the sleeve of my sports coat, which if you’ve ever tried to do that you’d know that that’s like trying to dry your eyes with a countertop. Not extremely effective.

“Then why’d you ask out Terry?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I was hoping…”

“To make Rex jealous?”

I cough. “Sure.”

We drive down the cold open Ohio road in silence for what seems like forever. When lights start to appear on the horizon, Scott takes a deep breath. “Break up with Terry.”

“Huh?”

“Break up with Terry. I think he’d rather be just friends anyway. And then maybe… I think you’d be surprised by Rex’s reaction.”

“What, like he’d notice? Dumbass wouldn’t know if a snake bit him on the nose.”

Scott gives me a side eye. “You’re smiling.”

“Am not.”

“Sleep on it. Think about it. But… I do think that would be the right decision.”

I’m sure Scott is right. He always is.

~~~

The seasons pass. Jeb and Terry break up; its for the best, to be honest. I never thought they were good together, and they're both still friends. I don't think Jeb could handle the communications issues, and Terry wasn't 100% in it. Oh well.

The hardest part was seeing my best friend look so down. He didn't talk for days. He finally started to brighten back up after the first month, but still... something's off. I can sense it.

There he is, in a gecko green button up. Almost four hours have past at this stupid party and he's chatted it up with everyone here, except me. When Employee and I came to say hi, all I got was a quick handshake before he dashed to the dessert table and snarfed up all the cookies and a glass of champagne. Here we go. He's never had that good alcohol tolerance, this night is going to be a mess...

I sit, a little dejected, at an empty table. He walks by; I catch his eye. There's a flash of a little something... terror? Sadness? Guilt? I give him my best soft smile. He stops in his tracks. His smile says he's happy, but his eyes say he's drowning. Fuck, why can't I get anything right? It's like no matter how I talk to him or look at him, I've hurt him. I motion for him to join me. He obeys.

"What's up with you?" I ask him as he takes a seat.

He looks at me with a blank stare. "What?"

"You're not yourself. Is Terry still bothering you?"

He winces. "No. I'm fine. I've gotten over him."

"Then what is it. I've known you for years, Jeb, and I..."

When I speak his name, his back straightens. "It's fine, Rex. I'm okay." He gives me his best fake smile. "Life of the party, right? I'm having fun."

He goes to get up, but I grab his hand as it caresses the tablecloth. He jolts, half standing. I get up and gently take his hand in mine, looking him right in the eye.

"Jeb. You can't keep doing this. Don't keep ignoring me."

"I'm not..."

"Yes, yes you are. I know it, Scott knows it, hell even Jerry noticed, and he never notices anything."

He chuckles lightly, and even though the smile is slightly pained it puts a smile on my own face. I haven't seen him chuckle like that in what feels like forever.

But the moment doesn't last; I feel his hand yank out of mine and he stumbles past me. "My cats need me. I have to get home."

Record scratch. "You got cats?"

He looks back at me, smiling a little bit. "Yeah, right after I moved out of Scott's.

Perfect opportunity. "Can I meet them?"

His face drops for a moment, but then a grin creeps onto his face. "Don't you want to stay here?"

"I'd much rather be with you."

A glint graces his eyes. "Come along, then."

Since we took separate cars to get here, I tell him I'll meet him at his place and I let Employee know he'll have to get a ride with someone else. He understands.

After I ensure that he secures transportation with Scott, I head to my car and ignore all laws of traffic to get to Jeb's apartment as quickly as I can. Music blasts on the stereo; some vibrant pop number. Something about ocean blue eyes.

I park on the street next to Jeb's new apartment. I've only been here once, to help him move in. He never invited me over after that. He's been dodging all my calls and questions. Hopefully tonight I'll be able to get to the bottom of why.

I tentatively rap on the door and wait for it to open. It creaks cautiously, and behind it Jeb stands, still in his formal getup.

"Welcome to my humble home," he says, escorting me inside.

Its clean. Way too clean. You ever walked into a new house or apartment for sale and it's clear that no one lives inside it? That's what his little studio feels like. Nothing has been touched, not a knife in the kitchen or the fabric of the couch. This raises a few alarm bells in my head; clearly, Jeb has not been living. At least, not really. There's one thing to have a clean place that's lived in, and then there's another to have a home completely devoid of life.

"What do you do all day?" I ask.

There's a flash of... something in his eyes. "Sleep, play with my cats. Play some Gex. Work."

"You don't have any hobbies? Nothing you're doing?"

"Gex?"

"But like. You're not staying productive? At all?"

The concern in my voice raises his emotional barriers. "You're not my mom. I'm fine. I didn't invite you in here to tell me how to live my life. Come see my cats."

I want to press the matter more, but I don't. He leads me to the back of his apartment, where his bed is set up. He gets down on the floor and looks underneath it. "Look, there they are. They like to hide here."

I get down and lay prone, sniper style. Indeed, two tabby cats; one lithe and orange, the other burly and brown.

Normally, I'm not a huge cat person, but I feel the need to encourage my clearly distraught friend. "They're so cute! Wha'dge you name them?"

He blushes. "Gex and Stanley."

I laugh; some warm feeling spreads throughout my chest. "Perfect names. Which one's which?"

"Stanley is the bigger one."

"Gotcha."

I keep looking at the cute little cats for the moment, but then I realize how close we are. Jeb's lying next to me, our faces inches apart. I look over at him, and his eyes catch mine. My chest tightens.

"Jeb?" I whisper.

"Yeah?"

"Why've you been so distant, buddy?" My throat tightens. "I've missed you."

His eyes start to cloud. "I. Well. I don't know."

I sit up. "That's not good enough. I know something's hurting you, you've been bothered for a while now. I always thought you would come to me with anything, and usually when something's bothering you I'm the first one you go to. But ever since you and Terry broke up..."

"It's you, okay?" Something snaps in him and the tears start to fall freely. "I. I can't stand being around you all the time."

Initially, a little anger and hurt rises to the top of my brain, but he rolls on.

"You're too perfect, it actually hurts. We've always been close, and I've always loved that, but... I don't know. It's become too much. You make me so happy it just turns back to sad. And I know you're always off looking for some girl to pick up..."

Too far. "Hey hey hey, I never just pick up girls. I haven't had a date in months."

He sniffs. "Wait, really?"

I shrug. "Maybe you're not the only one with a crush."

His head, perhaps subconsciously, cocks to the side. "What?!"

"Jeb, I've always loved you. Me playing around... that's always just been a joke. And seeing you in pain all these months... it's driven me nuts. I hate it when you're sad. I've just been trying to make you happy and reach out and see if, well. Since you broke up with Terry, I thought maybe we'd have a chance..."

"Wait wait. You wanted to ask me out after Terry?"

I inhale. "Before Terry."

The corners of his mouth turn up and the tears stop. "Oh."

I smile sheepishly. "Maybe you shouldn't have assumed you couldn't have me and should have asked me instead."

He bites his lip and takes a few deep breaths before letting out a pained laugh. "I'm so stupid."

I grin. "No stupider than me."

"Gosh, why couldn't this have happened like a normal couple. Why couldn't have we, I don't know. Gone to the river and asked each other out in a normal way instead of..."

"Crying on the ground covered in cat hair?" I laugh. "That's not us Jeb. This was never gonna happen normally. And I'm glad. It's more memorable this way.

He laughs, for real this time. "Yeah. I suppose it is."

We're still close on the floor, even though we're both sitting up now. I stare lovingly into his eyes. They're still a little glassy, but the honey brown is clearer now. He smiles softly, and so do I.

"You're gorgeous, you know that?"

~~~

Pining playlist for your consideration that inspired this post

Thanks for reading!

[soil-just-needs-water-to-be]

Chapter 13

Word count : 2419

Mention of drugs , it’s cute and angsty still and supportive and just fluff

Matty's POV

Once I write the text I read it over to make sure I didn't miss anything out and then send it knowing an answer will never come is still upsetting but it's also grounding knowing I can say anything and not be corrected or told to think about things. I spend sometime reading over things I've sent since she passed it's bringing tears to my eyes again. I don't quite know how long I'd been lying there, but i here his little voice come from the screen

"That doesn't look like sleeping to me love", he's looking a little bleary eyed and confused "are you okay ?"

I look up at him and drop my phone down onto my pillow like a child who'd been caught up after bedtime chuckling a little bit at myself "I'm alright I was just reading some stuff", I smile at him to confirm I'm alright.

"What we're you reading, you looked a little upset", pulling the duvet around himself more he rubs his eyes and tries to get everything into focus again.

"Just old texts I sent to Janey , I sent her a text just telling her about you , I've been doing it a-lot since she passed it helps a lot", I pull my pillow under me better so I can lay right. I feel better than before It must be wearing off and I'm much more settled.

"About me , why ?", he looks so young right now, so gorgeous , I know I've said it before but I'll keep saying it's because it's true.

"I was telling her about this guy I met and how lovely he is and how much he helps me", fuck I'm blushing again, my face is warm from the blush, I can't deny it though he constantly makes me blush, the idea of being able to maybe love him one day keeps playing in my mind it's weird.

"I'm lovely? , I'm sorry Matty , are you good bruv ?" , man even his sarcasm is cute , but seriously I could talk about him all day , he then begins to laugh and sits up a little "it's funny though"

"What's funny?"

"I was just telling my friends about this guy I'd met , how interesting I find him , even though I don't know him all the well but he's really handsome" , he's blushing too now and seems a little nervous with this revelation, he doesn't need to be I do find him lovely and VERY attractive "I wasn't lying earlier when I said your fit"

"Neither was I" , letting out a sigh I'd been holding without realising, I switch on my bedside light now feeling alot better that before, I feel like a 14 year old teenager again just falling for someone without even knowing them it's stupid " I really like having you around"

"I like having you around too, I wish I could I’m hug you right now", he still seems shy I could easily change that one day

"That would be amazing if I'm honest just to hold someone for a minute", I want to I really do

We get talking for a while a lot into the night talking about the things we like and don't like , stories of friends and funny anecdotes, he tells me the story of when he broke his wrist.Where laughing at it , I'm laughing that hard my stomach hurts and my eyes are streaming. This guy is amazing. I swear I've never felt this close to someone before other than the boys and Janey . I tell him the story of Ross when we were 13 smoking for the first time how high he got and ate basically everything in my fridge and how mad my Mum got because he ate what she had bought for dinner. The story of when my brother was born and how scared I was because I thought I'd break him but now we're literally the most inseparable brothers could be.

"You really love everyone in your life dont you Matty?, you hold them so close", Since starting the conversation we'd both woken up a lot and started becoming more animated but I"ve learned how much this kid talks.

"I love em all there all amazing, you should meet them one day", I swear one day I'll make sure he meets them

"You mean you actually wanna meet me?", how is he still unsure of that I want him around.

"Your an actual twat G , yes I want to meet you", he's smiling like an actual numpty again as am I. I don't really know if I'd ever stop smiling while he's talking to me. He really does make me feel safe "Can I tell you something George , please don't go mad at me though."

"That's ominous , but yes go ahead you can tell me anything", I really hope this doesn't push him away but people are always telling me to be honest, so im going to be honest the most honest I've ever been. Not even my mother knows.

"Well ...I think I might have a drug problem". My face is red right now but not from blushing this time more so nerves and how scared I am of being sincere and honest.

"I have an inckling that you don't mean weed do you ?" , I can tell he's listening because he's looking at me so much worry in his eyes and he's paying attention but he doesn't seem cross or mad so I keep going.

"No I mean , cocaine , I used to only do it at parties or when I was out with my mates , not that they ever would there amazing , but lately it's more often and it makes me feel better about things and stops me thinking for a while" I stop to take a breath then continue "and I know I shouldn't rely on it , and it's probably the worst thing I could turn too but it helps it really does"

"Matty slow down, you don't have to explain to me okay,I'll help you stop if that's what you want , is that what was wrong earlier ?",Im so glad he's not mad , I would if it were the other way around and I was talking to me but that's why he's so different, and he's so understanding. I didn't think he'd be this calm but I'm glad he is. "Like I knew something was off about earlier but I didn't know want you to be upset with me"

"Yeh in all honesty,after singing that song , I knew it would take me hours to calm down". It's weird being honest and not being pushed away or getting in trouble. I don't know how easy it will be to stop but if he really means what he said I'll try for him.

"I'm sorry love, how does it make you feel", he's now sat fully up and trying to find something I don't know what but I'm sure I'll find out eventually. I don't know how it makes me feel really it just empties me out and calms me, settling me down per say

"It just for lack of better words makes me feel nothing, just clears my brain of everything that's making me feel out of place", The room is starting to get a little warm so I remove my jumper just sitting in a T-shirt and my boxers, I know being honest is good but it really doesn't feel that good sometimes

"Well , I'm going to help you feel that way when you need it but what I need from you is to tell me when you feel like you need it and please for the love of god don't disappear" . As I remove my jumper I can see him eyeing me up a little even though he's trying to be serious, but I can't help but blush at the little twinkle in his eye as my T-shirt rides up a little.

"I'll do my best, I won't go anywhere that I can promise but it might be a little harder to do the other thing , but I'll try", I wanna play with him a little I get up out of the bed and place my laptop on the desk at the other side and take off my T-shirt then come to the desk sitting down and getting my Xbox remote putting my headset around my neck looking like I'm about to put them on I can see him blush again and he's slightly fidgety. I don't want to take it to far it would just be a little weird this early on but I can guarantee he loved it , trust me I know how to flirt.

He coughs a little to get his voice back " That's , that's okay so long as you know I'm here" , he's still bright red and his pupils are still blown wide "I know where having a serious conversation right now but your really handsome"

"I am , am I?" , I smile at the screen and start playing with the headset wires rolling it through my hands , I can see myself in the corner of my screen my hairs a mess and my shoulders and top half of my torso is showing I look a mess , slightly skinny as my coller bones are protruding and my arms are like twigs. But I can't deny I'm still pretty

"Yeh", I know he's young but I don't know if he knows how to flirt but you know what he's cute so I'll deal with it.

"Wanna play something, we can play fifa if you want ?"

"Sure , that would be cool". I run over to get my remote and come back and he's already up getting everything prepared, I wait till he's ready before starting a game "what team you gunna be but you can't be no shit second league team"

"Ahh young warrior you know nothing , I'm playing as Newcastle United and if you say anything this game ain't gunna happen" , I pick my team and I see he picks Sunderland I swear it was just to annoy me , rival teams and all "I swear you did that on purpose"

"Maybe I did" he chuckles to himself and the game begins.

The first half is played really poorly by both of us, none of our teams are doing what we wish they'd do, My goalie is honestly the only player playing right. I know I'm controlling it but nope it's not my fault none of them are playing right. I've netted at least two goals to his one. We went silent as the second half approached. The second half was alot better everyone is cooperative and Ive managed to score another two goals, Im really doing George's head in, he's really trying but I've managed to accidentally injure two if his plays causing one of mine to get a red card so we are both down team players but by the time the end of the game comes he is really not winning. I cheer to myself when I do win trying not to wake everyone up in the house as it's a little late and I know my mum will tell me to go to sleep if she hears me up

"See I told you I'd beat your ass", he's sat on the other end of the screen looking like a petulant child because he didn't win , and if he didn't look so cute I'd be totally turned off right now so he's lucky

"Nah mate I swear you cheated, I demand a rematch" , he's also moved over to his desk for better setting and game play action.

"Sure but watch me just beat you again , one more game and then bed because it's late and we said we'd go to bed hours ago ?"

"Sounds good to me love"

We start up another game same teams as before just to keep it mutual, he manages to score within the first five minutes.he cheers to himself which makes me smile. I really have to show I mean business and I won't just let him win because he's cute, I tackle his defenders just before they get into my goal line and break way past his centre mid player passing it to my stricker and score and amazing goal. I swear if I could play this well in real life I could be a footballer. The second have breezes by 1 - 1 each not to bad but the second half we both up our anti he scored a few more times and i equalize there's two minutes of extra time which causes me to score my last one just before the game ends "fuck he's just in time"

"Fuck you man", he's smiling though and he looks like he had a good time, we're both calm and in a world of our own. Just at that my mum come into my room wearing her dressing gown and her glasses are at the end of her nose like she'd put them on hastily "Matty love it really is time you should be in bed , tell your friends your going offline now and try get some sleep okay you've got school" I turn in my chair and smile at her before she leaves "sorry mum"

George and I have a good little giggle about it but we know we do need to go to bed. So we turn the game off as we both get settle into bed. Placing my laptop onto my bed next to me and I watch him get back into his getting comfortable and trying to stay warm "I really do wish you were here Georgie". I smile then get comfortable myself

"Me too love , but let's try to sleep again yeh, time for shush now" he moves his hand up to the screen like he's trying to ruffle my hair "good night love"

I smile at his cheesy little action but feel those butterflies in my stomach that people say they get when they like someone "goodnight darlin" I turn off my bedside lamp and really fall asleep this time hoping I do have good dreams.

[starryyyjoon]

I, you | Kim Namjoon One Shot

word count: 8.2k

pairing: idol!namjoon x fem reader

summary: namjoon meets you again and he can't help but want you to look at him the same way he has all these years.

disclaimer: it's sort of written from y/n pov. kind of smut included, not too much but still. other then that, i don't think there's anything. it was written a long time ago so i don't clearly remember, sorry!

Namjoon walked in, followed by a few staff members and they occupied the empty chairs on the conference table and I smiled at him and the others. He looked great like always, he was in a navy blue hoodie and a khaki colored trouser, with his hair pushed backwards exposing his forehead.

There was something and nothing between me and him and it was too tiring to play pretend. "You look good", he remarked and I smiled at him. He's always being too kind, I looked like absolute shit, I hadn't slept in three days and my clothes were whatever was in my reach that I'd put on after showering and I rushed here.

I had met him before this level of success but I was merely an assistant director myself and we'd talked about Monet and his work together, he'd similar interests to mine but both of us didn't really get anywhere because of our timing and I believed it was for the good. He'd always expressed how he liked my vision and wants to work with me on something and I didn't believe my vision because what even was my vision that he could see and not me and after being this big I didn't really thought he'll even remember me until he hit my phone one day and here I was, at the label's office to discuss the details of his mixtape's music video.

"So, do you've something in mind?", I asked him and he pressed his back on the chair letting out a yawn, he seemed tired.

"Not really! I want it simplistic and not too hard to understand. I haven't thought about it or anything so I don't know, I would await what you propose", he softly said.

"I haven't heard the track because of--", he intervened, "--ah you haven't? You should hear it first", he said and I nodded.

"I would need to hear it", I told him, thinking about the lengthy talks with the illustrator already.

The staff then pin pointed about the budget, the do nots and other details and two of my team members who were seated beside me talked thoroughly in detail about the technicalities. Namjoon looked bored with all the talk that didn't interest him. He wasn't much different from before slightly bigger.

All of us stood up coming to an agreement when Namjoon asked me to walk up to his studio to hear the track and I asked my team members to go ahead first. I walked through the dark corridor behind him while he talked to someone on the phone, all the way to his studio. I didn't really hear what he was talking because I was invested in staring around the place like I hadn't seen a building before.

The walls were all dark and a comforting shade since I didn't like the sun anyway. It seemed like a night mode in real life.

His studio was the corner most, he typed the passcode in and stood aside gesturing for me to walk in, followed by him. He hung up the phone call and put his phone aside, switching the AC on. He sat behind the monitor while he switched it on and I went through my inbox.

"So, how have you been?", his deep tone, made me look up and I fidgeted to put my eyes on something other then him while he turned his chair around to face me.

"I have been okay-ish, like the projects I'm doing I'm satisfied with them so I guess it's kinda okay", I said and regretted it immediately, I don't even talk like this and he knows it.

"Not the work c'mon, you, your boyfriend, family, other things?", a lose smile hung on his lips and I looked at him. How can someone look like that?

"No boyfriend because you know no one can put up with this profession. I haven't slept in three days so I'm fucking annoyed and the work is too much that I don't have time for other things", I shrugged and he chuckled. I didn't want to think about guys, I barely had time for myself. Filmmaking was a time bound profession.

"I relate, trust me I do", he turned his chair back around, his eyes on the computer screen and I looked at him. I could see why he could relate, I mean of course he didn't had time either. I knew idol schedules enough to know how these things go. "Why didn't you come that day?", he asked me and my insides twisted.

"I was hoping you don't bring it up", I said in a small voice.

"Why not? I waited for you", he said without looking at me and I threw my head back on the couch thinking of the time when he'd asked me out officially and I didn't make it. "At least I deserve to know what was more important that you didn't make it", he looked at me and I closed my eyes shut.

"I had a flight, I got an exclusive food show travel experience with discovery and it was too good for an opportunity to miss", I let it out and took a breath in. I knew I could never leave work for a guy, any guy, or anyone as a matter of fact and as much as I'd thought about it on the plane...it all seemed for the better. He wasn't the kind of guy I could've had my regular thing with and I was too young to be serious.

"It was a good show", he told me. I could feel his eyes on me and I didn't flinch. I didn't regret it but his words made me feel guilty. My head was on the headrest of the sofa I sat on and my eyes were closed. My subconscious could feel his curious gaze on me.

"Look away Namjoon", I said and I could feel his gaze was still on me.

"Why didn't you call me when you got back?", he asked me and I looked at him.

"I didn't because our cultures differ, everything is poles apart--what's the point of discussing it now?", I asked him, slightly annoyed. He and I separately needed to focus on our careers and he knew it too damn well.

"Okay", he turned around again as his monitor showed a circle indicating that the programme he'd launched was loading. "It does makes me feel better that my better position in life doesn't changes your opinion on me. Quiet comforting", he said, with a hint of sarcasm in his voice but I chose to ignore it. The last thing I'd be doing is fueling this feeling in him by discussing this useless thing which wouldn't make any difference whatsoever.

"Is this the reason you wanted me to do this project with you?", I asked him and he swiftly turned his chair around.

"No, I don't take all this for granted. I love the stuff you do. I'm pretty updated thanks to how active you're on your social media", he smiled and I couldn't shook the thought of seeing my psychotic episodes on my Instagram, Twitter...everywhere. I'm pretty weird out there.

"I love it, the stories", he flased his dimple smile before turning his chair around again and I felt his warmth, like he meant what he said.

For a second I was taken aback with how tall he was from me and how good he looked, he'd always looked good but he was more mature now and much more reserved. "I'll be calling you often because I won't send it for pre-production without your say on the concept", I told him.

"I'll look forward to a lot of calls", he said. "I'm sorry this is taking a while", he added quickly and for some reason I couldn't look away from him, whose back was visible to me.

"No, take your time", I said, crossing my arms against my chest. I really wished he was a regular guy just making music but then I didn't. I wouldn't want someone to wish that for me. He'd earned all of it and I knew it.

"Look away ___", he said slowly. I could feel his grin through his words and I looked away shaking my head right and left softly. "It's, yeah it's playing", he turned around as the music filled in the empty atmosphere.

It was a slow song with a really fast rap. It was how Namjoon was, he contradicted himself too much. I instantly knew it was his writing from the way the words went and the wordplay came into role. I couldn't help but analyze the song because I was supposed to shoot and sketch a music video for it and at times like this I didn't really get to enjoy the art for the art and I hated it.

"How was it?", he asked me, his eyes fixated on me as the music faded. I wanted it to last.

"The only problem with it is that it ends", I flashed a smlie at him and he shook his head throwing it back.

"That's too corny even for you", Namjoon rolled his eyes but I was being serious. "You know I appreciate heavy critics", he said.

"I didn't find anything to criticize, the writing is great, the composition fits and it has a catchy vibe to it. I think I would listen a song like that on a drive or something? In your case a bicycle but yeah! It's a good song", I summarized my opinion. "Do you like want a trendy video?", I asked him.

"Anything that you want to do with it", he said and I gently nodded. Since it was given to me, I couldn't stop thinking about what to do with it.

"Can you stop thinking about it while you're with me ___?", he chuckled and I looked at him taken aback for a second and then nodded with a soft smile pasted on my lips.

"Your fashion sense has improved", I remarked.

"You look casual", he teased me.

"I, I've no fashion sense. I just wear whatever is there", I told him.

"I don't think so, your Instagram says different", he said.

"It's for the show Namjoon", I said.

"You're really not the type to do that, please don't deceive me", he beamed before he turned his chair around again to minimize the current tabs on the computer.

"You're the last person I'd be deceiving--", my words were cut from an incoming call from one of the producers of one of the shows I was working on. "I need to take this", I told him and answered the call while he just gave me a gentle nod in response.

The producer had informed me about the issues related to casting and the final draft of the script and I knew I had to go.

"Guess I'll see you later, bye", Namjoon said warmly as he smiled at me. The thing was he just knew and that always stuck somewhere.

"Bye", I left.

________________

"I, for one, disagree. C'mon how do you even call it an end?", I threw my hands in the air as we discussed it for the millionth time. I liked Su-ho but his thoughts on GOT made me want to kill him. He is the only person I knew who was satisfied with how it ended.

"I think it was okay, c'mon, you have to consider that the novels didn't end and as compared to that I think it was pretty good", Su-ho claimed while he sat on the bean bag in front of me, pushing it comfortably.

"Don't even start with the novels--", my words were interrupted with the sound of the doorbell, "--they didn't even do a good job interpreting it and I am offended by that. Look there novels", I pointed at my bookshelf, showing him my GOT collection which he knew as I opened the door and my head bumped against Namjoon's chest as he took a step in.

He chuckled as he held the back of my head with one hand and pressed my forehead with the other and rubbed it gently to ease the pain.

"What's uh, what's that? Is it iron", I mocked, pointing at his chest while he let me go from his grip and took his shoes off.

"It can be", he said. "But why were you jumping around so enthusiastically?", he asked me as he seated on the couch in front of Su-ho, as he greeted him and Su-ho greeted him back.

"Game of Thrones heavy discussions", I sighed. "This is Su-ho who's illustrating the storyboard", I told Namjoon.

Su-ho was starstruck and it seemed like it'd take him a good minute to recover and Namjoon was obviously used to it. I didn't call him at the office because a lot of people would want to see him then and it could be exhausting plus he'd a time limit on his hands.

"You know him, ___?", Su-ho widened his eyes at me and I nodded, suppressing my laughter seeing his chaotic ass behave like this.

"A little", I said and I could feel Namjoon's gaze on me. "Maybe a lot", I rephrased. I could see by the way Su-ho looked at me that he needed answers. "Coffee?", I asked Namjoon.

"Oh yeah", he replied and I stood up. "I've thought of two concepts, Su-ho please brief him on it and if you want anything differently Namjoon, you can tell him", I told him as I marched towards the kitchen.

Should I use the regular coffee mugs or should I use the better ones? I mean it doesn't matter anyway but still, it kind of does? I don't know. It just comes to me, the over thinking.

Ah.

I could hear him and Su-ho talking about the concepts faintly and I was low-key proud because I did work hard on them. I opened the cabinet to take out the better coffee mugs.

This is what happens when you stop drinking milk and stop growing up. I rested my hands on the kitchen pavement thinking about how many shoes with heels I'd because of my height.

I wasn't very short but I wasn't my desired height too. It was sad. I was the right person to sell the tonics concerning height because my insecurity would make me buy it. I exhaled heavily and turned around to find Namjoon behind me.

"Let me", my hips pressed against the marble pavement while his body gently pressed against my front, I could spot the mole on his neck while he calmly took the box of mugs out. "Okay?", he whispered softly and I looked on without responding.

"Thanks", I told him, hoping he'd get away from me because this had me feeling some type of way. I won't admit what type of way. That makes it worse.

"Anytime", he clicked his lips, taking a few steps back as I stirred the coffee and poured it in three cups. Should've used regular ones.

"I like the quotes on that wall", he said as I handed him his cup, taking the other two. A wall of my house was covered in post-it notes and other stuff. Some print outs of Van Gogh and Frida's works alongside other things.

"Yeah that? Thanks", I said, as I gave the cup to Su-ho. "Did you decide on something?", I asked, as I sat down and Namjoon just beside me.

"Yeah, the first one. It was kind of okay, he made some alterations so I would send it to you by...maximum tomorrow", Su-ho told me. "But why did you call him here for just this?", he asked me.

"You seem so concerned about his whereabouts", I glared Su-ho . "I told him I could just email him but he insisted on doing it in person", I looked at Namjoon who took a long sip from his coffee.

"Yeah I did, don't worry I was absolutely free", Namjoon smiled at Su-ho and I could see Su-ho fanboy-ing.

"You're so in line today", I pressed my words.

"Shut up", Su-ho eyed me. I wrapped my hands around the coffee mug feeling its warmth.

After I talked to Namjoon for a while about the shoot and he explained to me about their company procedure and how they usually did things. I didn't like doing music videos or commercials, there's a lot of time you're bound by what the music video demands and you've to stick with that so that was that. I usually preferred either cinema like movies or dramas, I hadn't done much but I had done a few and travel shows were my preference.

"I'll see you next time then", Su-ho politely remarked looking at Namjoon and he smiled and gently bowed his head. I walked with him up-to the door. "I didn't, what the hell, you could've given me a heads up?", Su-ho whispered slowly to me as I leaned against the door.

"I didn't knew you were a fan", I said and he playfully hit me on my arm.

"I still can't believe it, you've to answer my hot questions next time", he said and I nodded.

"Okay okay", I closed the door shut behind me, taking a seat on the far side of the sofa me and Namjoon were seated on. He was scanning my bookshelf and I was looking at him.

"Literally 70% of it is fiction", he said. I read a lot of fiction and he read a lot of nonfiction.

"You should read fiction", I said and he looked at me slightly pissed.

"I do read fiction just not thar much", he pointed at my bookshelf. "If you've to recommend one, shoot", he said.

"Recommend, uh, the secrets of happiness", I said randomly and his face sunk in annoyance. "It's not a book talking about literal secrets of happiness, it has a story", I told him.

"Ah okay...I will try reading that. Let me take your copy", he said.

"No", I said back in a split second.

"I won't lose it, c'mon, ___", he said. I couldn't believe his testimony on not losing it.

"Fine, but it's annotated. You'll owe me big time if you lose it", I said and he nodded vigorously.

"Your place is great", he said looking around the house and I couldn't see why, I mean yeah maybe but not that I find it great if I think from his point of view.

"I'm barely here anyway. I pay rent for no reason", I kept the empty mug in my hand on the glass table in front of us.

"That was your friend though, Su-ho?", Namjoon asked as he kept his cup, followed by me.

"Oh yeah! I met him for work but then it's been a while since I know him, it's been years actually and he's a friend now", I said thinking about Su-ho. I don't know why I bothered explaining. It's been a good five years since Namjoon and I hadn't been in touch and there was a little catching up to do.

"You've always had a lot of friends, don't you", he sighed as he sat cross legged on the sofa facing me. I do have plenty friends honestly.

"Kind of", I shrugged. His gaze on me made me sit back in a more cautious way as I fixed my posture. "Namjoon...", I called out his name when the doorbell rung and I was irritated. "Give me a second", I stood up and walked up-to the main door.

It was my neighbor who's mother had left their house keys with me and he was here to take it back. He thanked me for keeping it and walked up to his own flat which was in front of mine.

I closed the door shut and Namjoon was standing by the balcony seeing a cactus I had grown since I couldn't grow any other plant because I was never home to take care of them in case.

"It's cute", he said as he picked the potted plant and stared at it for a little while and I stood behind him and watched him see it.

"You know your pupils dilate when you see plants", I said and he smiled to himself. He kept the cactus back in its resting place and stared at me. "What?", I asked him.

"You were going to say something", he said, his voice sounded deeper then usual for a second and I licked my bottom lip in haste.

"Oh that, you know the alterations you made? I will directly mail it to the staff and maybe cc you because it won't need a second check anyway. I've to get this done a little early since I've--", he turned towards me and I took a step back but there was barely any space and my back was pressed against the wall, "--what is it?", I asked but it came out as a whisper.

"Here", he dragged his index finger across my bottom lip and there was something on my lip. I didn't really see what was on there because of his presence so close to me. My heartbeat had fastened and I could feel it. Something I didn't want to feel.

"Thanks, I guess", I said slowly and he flashed his dimple smile at me and in that moment he seemed the opposite of the dominant he was a few seconds ago.

"Do you know you look really good?", he said, as his fingers ran across my ear touching the piercings one by one. I regretted having three all of a sudden. "And I didn't intended to do this but ___ I uh", he bent over a little, his lips a few inches away from my ear and his breath was falling on my neck.

"Namjoon", I said, trying to not look at him. I knew damn well I couldn't be able to control myself.

"Hmm", his voice was so small and I could feel goosebumps all over my neck. His gaze on me was strong and I had jitters in my stomach.

"I, uh--let's not okay", I put my hands on his shoulder as he pulled me more closer with a jolt and I gasped.

"Do you really not want to?", he asked me. It was a while since I was in this close proximity of someone like this but my subconscious kept telling me not to. "I don't understand what you find so undesirable about me", he took a few steps back and looked away.

What?

"Do you think I find you undesirable?", I asked him, pressing my lips suppressing my smile. I couldn't get how could he change roles in a span of few seconds.

"Yeah, it's pretty evident really", he sighed, looking at the the far side of the sky at the horizon and I saw him sulking.

"It's not that, are you fucking dumb? It's just you know you shouldn't start things you can't take care of", I said. For some reason I've always felt a little hesitant with him. "But you're desirable enough", I added.

"Sudden validation from you, ah", he clicked his lips in mockery and I felt bad. The last thing I wanted was to look like I was playing hard to get. I didn't feel competent enough in my heart. "Let me kiss you", he said, taking a few steps closer breaking the chain of my thoughts and I hated being so much in control and feeling a little out of place.

I was back to where I was a few seconds ago, me cornered and he put his lips on mine and my body automatically responded. He took over me in a second. My hands rested on his back and clutched the fabric. His hands travelled below my hips as he pulled me upwards and my legs wrapped around his waist. He didn't stop kissing me for one second and I didn't want him to, as he pressed his mouth harder on mine and I bit back a moan. I could feel the heat in my body and every vein seemed to electrify. He walked me up-to my bedroom like he knew which suddenly felt foreign to me as he laid me on the bed, breaking the kiss and I was breathless, panting for air.

I didn't had any resort in me to stop. I didn't want him to stop. I couldn't care more about whatever that had me concerned for a while. He watched me look at him and his lips curved in a smirk. "Should I stop?", he teased me taking a seat on the edge of the bed and I looked away from him to the right side, scoffing.

I pushed myself up, my hands at the hem of the lose white t-shirt I'd on and for a second I hesitated at the fact that he must've seen better flesh than mine but I pulled it upwards exposing myself in front of him as his eyes went everywhere. "Do you want to stop?", I asked him, as I crawled over to him. He didn't object as I sat on his lap and took his face in my hands. I looked in his eyes. He looked beautiful. I traced the outline of his skull, his jaw as I pushed his hair locks that were on his forehead behind. "Do you want to stop Namjoon?", I asked him again as he held me tight, giving me my answer.

He tugged at my neck with his mouth leaving a trail of gentle kisses down and I could feel my nipples startlingly prominent beneath the black lightweight bra I had on. I clutched his hair as he bit my neck suddenly and I gasped.

He pushed me on to him, nearer but there was barely any space for me to come close and I could feel him all over. He messily kissed me before groping my bottom and I-I cut a breath in. He would take turns and be gentler a second and rough the another. "Namjoon", I called out gasping which fueled him even more. He looked at me and smiled proudly at how he had me without doing much.

He flicked the straps of my bra shoving it down exposing my breasts and I could feel my nipples harden to the point it was painful. I wanted him. I wanted him to touch me, more. The way my body responded to his touch was almost funny, how quick, how wet.

I patiently unbuttoned his shirt and stripped it off of him while he looked at me with a gaze I couldn't quite make anything of, he just looked at me while he let me work on him. My hands touched his chest and my eyes examined his torso, his skin was warm and his gaze on me gave me confidence like he wanted me back as much I wanted him.

I was forgetting my own desperation for his touch as my hand traveled behind his back, trailing down to his spine and he looked at me as he cut a sharp breath in and I felt good seeing him giving in to me. His arms surrounded mine unclasping my bra in a second and he threw it off on the floor.

I half expected him to grab me and grope my breast but he swept me in his arms as his vaguely pink mouth pressed against mine and instead of hastily grabbing me, his mouth simply rested against mine and it was worse, much more intoxicating. I, on instinct coiled my arms against his neck.

As my tongue demanded entrance and he smiled before letting me, and in a second, roles were reversed, the romantic was gone. He took control and pressed his mouth harder on me with his thumb and finger pressing my nipple and my nails dug deeper in his neck. "Joon...", I on instinct called out, as I gasped for breath but he didn't let me.

He was hard against me and I grinded next to him which seemed to please him while he left my mouth, burning with a wanting for more while my sex clenched as he took control of my body putting his arms around my back and they were free to go anywhere. I wouldn't dare stop him.

A second later, he laid me on the bed and hovered over me before taking my shorts off in a whirl and pushed my underwear off me that it didn't seem reusable. I anticipated his actions but he pushed a thumb into my bottom without no warning and I clutched the sheets, a yell escaping my mouth. My fingers curled meanwhile his other arm grabbed my breast cupping it and a second later his forefinger and middle finger slipped inside of me and my grip on the sheets tightened.

"Shh", he hissed in my ear and I hadn't realized a moan had escaped my mouth. My whole body rocked in less then a minute and I couldn't control my voice, I gasped for breath and I moaned even louder then before. "I didn't take you for a screamer ___", Namjoon seemed amused while embarrassment washed over me as I laid exposed in front of him.

"Let me go down on you", I told him and he looked taken aback as I pushed myself up.

"Do you really want to?", he asked and I shifted closer to him, placing a gentle kiss on his lips.

"I would love to", I told him. "Do you want me to?", I asked him.

"Yeah, I mean yeah", he said when his phone rang echoing in the room and his face flushed into irritation as he looked at me and I nodded gesturing him to take it. He took it out of his pocket and answered it. With every word he spoke, his irritation grew. He hung up the phone call. "Where's the wardrobe?", he asked me and my eyes pointed behind him.

Namjoon opened my wardrobe and took out a very lose t-shirt of his choice from my stack of comfortable clothes. He held my arms and slipped the t-shirt on me, pulling me close. He stroked my face and he smiled in my face which forced me to smile as well.

"Am I suppose to expect something from you or should I forget this?", I asked him as his fingers tucked the few strands of my hair behind my ear.

"You're supposed to expect everything, don't dare forget it", he whispered in my ear, nibbling on it and I couldn't help but giggle. "I want to talk to you but I've to go now and I hate it", he smiled at me.

"Okay, go", I told him and he chuckled before letting me off him and he wore his shirt back on.

After seeing him off and taking a shower, I laid back on the couch in the living room thinking about everything that had happened. I didn't regret it, I wasn't thinking much about it anyway.

The guys I'd sex with or made out with, I disliked them because of their narcissism. I appreciated my ability to find guys that were a-grade assholes. I've always had this feeling that I am lacking in some sense with other people. I look normal, like I should but I get this insecurity when taking my clothes off.

I didn't knew what Namjoon thought about it and asking him would be weird. No one who knows me like him would think I am this insecure or anxious about this stuff but then a major part of it has to do with my aura, I guess?

________________

I took a bite of the sandwich that I held in my hand as I walked around the second set just nearby to the first one. I stood afar, taking a good look, even though the storyboard fits the sights I still need to frame out a rough sketch work in my head.

I took another bite staring at the beach and the path to it and then back to the set that we'd build up by man power. It was pretty accurate in my eyes but I wanted to hear from my assistant director.

I took the walkie talkie out from the pocket of my denim and pressed the centre button, "Jae-chan, where are you?"

In a second he reverted, "Ah sunbae I am near the gripper".

"Come to the road that leads to the beach", I said, before shoving the walkie talkie down in my pocket.

The sea met the sky at the far point of the horizon and how the world is full of these illusions which are not real we know but we still believe. After all there's beauty in things that you don't get. Vastness maybe?

Sea and sky — the two melancholic blues.

"Sunbae?", Jae Chan broke the chain of my thoughts and I glanced at him before looking at the sea. His breath was heavy, I could tell he ran here.

"You could have walked, Chan-ah", I said, smiling. He was really young and passionate about filmmaking but also a little silly. He's cute.

"Ah it's okay. Did you need something?", he asked politely and I shook my head. I liked the input of many people on the same thing, it showed the number of opinions that could centre around one thing that you make in a different context which is then perceived in another.

"Do you think this is accurate in terms of the story board?", I asked him and he seemed lost in thought.

"I would say slightly better because the storyboard is still animation and this is real so I would say better. I'm pretty sure it'll be good sunbae", he told me and I could feel a smile flush on my lips. "You are nervous, aren't you?", he asked me.

"Yeah", I wrinkled my nose, turning around to walk off. I patted Jae Chan's back and he started walking with me.

"You don't have to be, and oh, he's here", he said assuring me and I knew who he meant by he.

My mind automatically went to the day in my apartment. Namjoon had messaged me after but he got busier with his work and I am not a text-er plus I'd a lot of things to do before I left Korea. It was, I didn't knew anything and I didn't want to think about it. I hoped he'd pretend nothing happened, please. But I knew he won't.

I sighed and as I entered the main set, around the vanity and food truck, the manager and Namjoon's staff members greeted me. After that, I mean impractically I wanted earth to open and swallow me. Living is hard anyway.

I'd a flight on the weekend, I'd to pack and I'd to get new boots but I'm just dumb because I'm trying to think of other things. I need a new nail paint, do I? I looked at my nails which were painted black. Maybe grey?

"Sunbae?", Jae Chan shook me and I looked at him. He gestured me to look up front and Namjoon was right there looking like Namjoon.

"Hi", I awkwardly waved at him.

"Hi", he flashed his dimple smile at me. His dimple smile hits me.

"You can get the makeup and hair done, I've a few things to recheck", I excused myself. This is awkward. This is so awkward. I hate it.

Δ

Even though I had that awkwardness lingering around but we were nearing to the end of the shoot which went really good because everyone worked so hard. It was mostly one-takes and the lighting supported the whole setting making it so easier for us to finish.

Moreover, it was a while since I had done a music video so it felt good being back on a set like this. Namjoon looked really good with the styling and although I knew the outfits pre-shoot, he still looked better then I'd imagined him to look which enhanced the whole vibe of the music video. He owned earthly tones.

That's why casting and styling is so important. Very much. Makes a gigantic difference.

"What's wrong with you?", I didn't notice he was standing next to me with a small fan in his hands while we prepped for the last shot.

"What's wrong with me?", I asked him, as I adjusted the frame in the main camera. I didn't want this conversation especially right now, especially here.

"I mean...you knowww?", I could feel his stare while I shifted the camera, something is wrong with this.

"I don't know", I said, without looking at him. I was unintentionally making him mad and nothing else.

"I was really scared that you'd say this and see, I mean, why can't you behave normal when I mention anything about us?", he hissed near me and I looked around. Luckily there was no one in our proximity to hear this conversation.

"I-I, Namjoon", I exclaimed, vaguely pointing at the setting hoping we could do this later and I could explain that I would love us but he needs to understand that I won't even be in Korea as much as he thinks I would be and that's why it won't work out.

"I don't care", he eyed me.

"I do. I care, okay? There's no us to begin with and I know I was stupid enough to ask you what I should expect out of, what would you call it, we made out. That's that", I tried being really slow and I could feel annoyance in his sight.

"Made out! Okay, okay fine. I can't believe I deal with you. You're the one who doesn't text or call or even respond to it and that's bare minimum ___", he pondered and I internally rolled my eyes.

I was leaving on the weekend. I was always leaving. That's it. "I don't have to and I have a life Namjoon. I've been working non stop all this time. I don't expect you to understand", I said, standing up from my seat while I called for the head DOP from the walkie talkie.

"You don't want to be understood ___", Namjoon said, grabbing me from my arm and stopping me. He wasn't wrong. A few eyes snapped and I forced a smile immediately. "I like you, I like you a lot. Deal with it", he walked past me.

Deal with it.

As if.

Very abruptly, the last shot rolled in and it was over. The music video was done in a day. It was originally a two day sketch but we had to narrow it down to one day because of Namjoon's schedule and it was worrisome because it did seem impossible but things went smoothly and it was successfully over.

I told Jae Chan to wrap the filming site, though most of it was done while I was present. I picked my bag from a table to leave, kept right ahead from the vanity. Namjoon had left, I guess. I wasn't sure because after the last shot he was angry. He had his jaw clenched all that time, he barely managed to keep it out on the music video.

He was like this, his anger was pretty evident and that hadn't changed.

I like you. I like you a lot.

I couldn't wrap my head around that thought. Did he like me all this time? It sounded pretty crazy to me. I had never thought about anything with Namjoon. He was a friend I could like but I didn't, I had never expected anything out of my acquaintance with him anyway.

"You ate?", his deep voice made me look at him who stood at the steps of the vanity. He hadn't left yet.

"No", I said. He had changed into his normal clothes, the makeup was gone but he still looked great. His natural complexion was shining as the set lights fell onto his face. It made me surer how Namjoon needed someone who could be there rather then somebody who's never there.

"Come eat something", he said calmly. He looked much composed then before.

"I am not hungry", I stated just when he darted towards me. He held me by my forearm, dragging me into the vanity which was empty except for us. A few dishes were laid out on the table in front of the small couch.

"Eat and leave", he said, taking a seat on one of the chairs in front of the mirrors fidgeting with his phone while I quietly sat on the couch. I just wanted it to be over but I'd no appetite so I kept staring at the couple of Italian dishes which were pasta, carbonara I guess, rissoto and also jjangmyeong. "Just eat anything ___", he said, without bothering to look at me.

"I don't really have an appetite", I said, throwing my head back and looking at the ceiling of the vanity.

"What you've is a habit of skipping meals", he eyed me.

I looked at him. "Do you remember everything? Like literally everything?", I asked him as curiosity brimmed in my eyes.

"You don't?", he asked me back. "Well, for me, yeah I do. I did remember every thing but I should probably forget now. I didn't really asked to work with you because I wanted something but I can't say I didn't hope", he locked his phone and kept it on the space in front him. "I mean, we did had something. We did have something a few days ago. You can't exactly call me a friend and I've never seen you as one. The moment you walked in trying to fix the mess on the set since then till now I can't say I didn't hope you'd look at me the same way", he said, bringing all the memories back alive, but it was true, I never looked at him the way he'd wanted me to, hell, I couldn't believe it one bit. "It's true", he said, as if he just read my mind.

It was, it didn't made sense to me. How could he? Why would he? I uh, I think shit's wrong with me because even now I can't seem to focus on someone who confessed their feelings and that someone being Namjoon from all people.

I remember when I was one of the assistant directors under the director for one of the most low-key and low budget project. They didn't had many resources and our firm wasn't doing well either. We always had to come up with hacks, unknown locations for shooting...it was always so hard. We didn't had any respect in the industry.

It was two companies in one boat at the end of bankruptcy and we were so young and such good friends. I knew the rest of the members too but I kind of had a certain vibe with Namjoon. He could get me without having to speak.

I locked at him, his face was fixated on me and I could like him, in fact I did love him not romantically, I just did. I had a lot of love for him. He was caring for the people around him and I loved talking to him. He never once made anyone feel like he was a celebrity back then and a global celebrity now well yeah. He did deserve someone who could be here for him.

He stood up and walked towards me and my eyes followed him. He took a seat next to me and I could see he picked a bowl up but I didn't see which one because I couldn't stop looking at him. Namjoon took a significant amount and extended it to me and I looked at the noodles for a second and then at him. He just nodded and I ate it.

It was good.

"Thanks", I said, wiping the corners of my mouth with my fingers.

"Do you want me to feed you all the way or can you eat your own?", he asked me.

"I will eat", I told him and he gave me the bowl so I could eat on my own. "You ate?", I asked him and he instantly nodded.

"You're going somewhere, aren't you?", he asked me and I felt as if I've just been struck with something.

"Hmm", I said, my mouth almost filled. "And, I...I want to tell you something like adults and clear it. Namjoon you know my work and I am always not here, never. It's useless. Trust me on this, it's not like that but you know you'll need someone beside you and I can't be the one", I told him, calmly, before gulping water down.

"I know that but I'm okay with it. In fact, we would go hand in hand better because I can't take you out on exotic dates as well. This is what you get", he vaguely gestured at the vanity and I chuckled and he warmly smiled at me.

After a second, I spoke much seriously then before, "It will be hard and you know that. It'll be frustrating. You could hate me".

"If you've tired it with someone before, I am not exactly happy knowing this, but you shouldn't compare me with some random dude with a peculiar taste in leather clothing", he rolled his eyes, shifting his back comfortably.

"Hey! Don't be mean just because you see stuff on my Instagram", I scoffed and he maintained his long face.

"No really, what do you take me for? You think you won't have time for me? I won't have time for you", he went on.

"Namjoon", I dragged his name. His tendency to be sarcastic at odd moments is unmatched.

"Don't call my name like that", he stared at my eyes.

"Like what?", I asked him.

"Like you can love me", he said.

"I...you don't have to be like this", I said, keeping the empty bowl on the table.

"Give me a chance then, try it out. I would wait for you I promise", Namjoon took my hand in his and covered it with his warmth.

"Will I be able to...wait?", I looked away from him, thinking about it so hard.

"___ don't think too much. I promise, we'll be fine", he said, his hands travelling to my waist and before he could grab it. I screeched closer to him. I cupped his face and attached my lips to his, while his hands held on my body.

________________

My relationship with Namjoon was better then I imagined it. I tried my best to be there for him and he was surprisingly almost there for me but it wasn't exactly easy.

It was months and months of hardships and Namjoon was more needy then I thought him to be, he needed a lot of assurance. I don't understand the notion that he holds of everyone wanting me so he needs to be extra careful. I still don't get that his insecure ass doesn't trusts his own members, he won't let me meet them at all.

He was really different. He shifted from dominant to romantic in one second. I loved that. I kind of missed it so much.

He held my hand I could feel it by the way his skin felt against mine, he whirled me around and in a second his hand rested on my waist as he urged me to walk next to him. He was in a perfect disguise and I looked at him. I could tell he was smiling beneath his black mask.

"See, this is why I don't trust other guys! How could you let someone do this to you in the midst of the road in a foreign country?", he asked me.

"No stranger would confidently do this to anyone in a foreign country", I playfully hit him on his leg and he stopped, pretending to be gravely hurt. "I can't believe you", I looked at him as I went with his act. I supported him in standing completely. In a second, he intertwined his fingers with mine.

"I missed you", he softly whispered in my ear.

"I missed you too", I whispered back, softly. I pulled him in an empty alley and pulled his mask down. "I need you to do something", I told him, nibbling on his ear and I could feel my skin feel the heat that it yearned for since a couple of months before him going on tour.

"Right now?", he asked surprised.

"Yeah, right now", I said and I could feel him harden against my pelvis.

"You are...so, not right now. Let's go to your hotel room. I'm still famous", he pulled me closer and I chuckled. He turned me around, pulling his mask down, he kissed me hard. His mouth pressed against mine. I held him tightly and he gasped. "I love you", he softly said before pulling his mask up.

"I, you", I held his hand again.

[antiloreolympus]

12 Anti LO Asks

1. arent some of the copies of that lo book upwards of $40 dollars if not more? like bare minimum ive seen it at least $20 even for the paperback but it goes way up for the hardcovers (tho the second vol already had a pretty massive markdown by what i saw on amazon which was ... weird). wt readers flip out over paying a few cents for fast pass, why would they buy the same thing they already read for free for a much higher price thats not even formatted correctly and kept all the typos?

2. i swear LO is making me into a pearl clutching nun. I get its trying to be ~pro sexuality~ or whatever but its so hamfisted in trying to do so and everyone and everything is so horny for??? reasons?? like no one talks or acts like this.

3. the way rachel "designs" characters deadass looks like how NFTs work. she just uses the same template and changes one or two things and calls its unique.

4. Does anyone know a comic where Persephone ACTUALLY chooses to go to the Underworld? Because LO and Ficlets still has her be kidnapped and Punderworld has it just be an accident she ended up there.

5. i think whats annoying me too about all these flashbacks is that im not sure whats actually true?? which i think is maybe the point but even when we see it from h or p's POV it comes across as the worst option? like helios' version actually made persephone look better than reality, hermes' flashback gave her personality and set their relationship better, meanwhile we get it from hxp and hades is just a neglectful ass to a literal child meanwhile persephone just looks like an idiot? like?? 💀

6. The biggest thing to me is these ancient stories don't belong to us, and modern "retellings" are not the "natural progression" of mythology, it's just people taking known stories and more often than not just making fanfic with the creator's biases. LO is allowed to exist, but Rachel is not "keeping the mythology alive" or "adding to the canon" as her fans claim. LO doesn't even fit a loose retelling, and it is not nor will ever be as legitimate as the actual texts. Sorry to be harsh but 🤷🏿

7. The way my skin crawled at the Niobe part… that’s so dumb if RS wants to portray Artemis as good and Apollo as bad why would you choose that myth like 😭 “hey Artemis only killed 6 instead of 7 like her awful brother” how does that even make sense??? Also ofc cutting so much of the original myth like-

From OP: Yeah, it doesn’t even make sense because we hear Leto is a sun goddess in LO but not the goddess of motherhood.

8. i dont get why all of a sudden now persephone wants to be queen? off of what? first its set up on she had goals to get her degree and have freedom, but now she just wants to be his wife? why? second, even her idea of making elysium is just her trying to relive her own guilt, not that she actually cares about the dead. her motives are out of nowhere and purely selfish, which the latter would be fine if LO didnt set up one set of goals but drop them to be hades' wife instead with no reasoning.

9. i think the biggest issue with this trial plot line is one) so dragged out, who cares, but two: hades is both leading up and during this whole thing has been so cartoonishly awful that i dont even care if he points out something right. a broken clock is also right twice a day, but that doesnt mean it still isnt broken. not to mention its very easy to make him look "right" when rachel purposely makes everyone else so irrational/wrong that he looks correct in comparison. that isnt a win, actually.

-----FP Spoilers/Mention-----

10. FP SPOILERS// Hades basically tells Persephone that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger in reaction to learning about her sexual assault and that really rubs me the wrong way because that kind of trauma doesn't make a person stronger, it damages you and as you heal you become stronger in spite of what happened so idk that whole diamond pep talk just irked me idk if anyone else feels the same way

11. Fp) Helios (thought it was Hera at first lol) she gives you HOMEMADE birthday cards as a bribe each year how dare you report a homicide she committed... Of course now we will get to know the real story is completely different and Perse is an angel who allowed those poor mortals to duebabd Minthe co. are such a horrible people for lying. She can't do anything wrong. Also, seriously? Russell? Such a Greek sounding name again.

12. I shouldn't be as annoyed as I am that episode 184 was basically more pointless stalling, it's honestly just a trend at this point. Is it bad that I actually laughed when Helios told Persephone that her birthday cards ain't shit? The way she actually tried to guilt-trip him for reporting her murdering people by saying "bUt I mAdE you Birthday Cards!!11" and him njust not having that shit. Beautiful. Also, as much as I was never a fan of Smythe's demonizing of Apollo, I'm not sure I like the direction she seems to go in now, namely the implication that Apollo's predatory behavior is really all Leto's fault because she encouraged it. It's yet another female character Smythe villainized just so Persephone could be the most perfect woman of them all in contrast to all these manipulative harpys on Olympus.

[silverthetheorist]

The Dream smp will have a bad ending (And why preparation beats improvisation)

So. I am back after a little while. And this is a topic that has been on my mind for a long time. But before we get to my main point we have to clear some things.

The medium where a story is told dramatically affects the story in many ways. A story cannot be the same in a book, or a film, or a tv show, or an anime, or a comicbooks. They are all different mediums that have their own positives and negatives when it comes to telling stories. A book can fit more information but a tv show can have music and good camera work, etc. 

Now, the Dream Smp is a completely different thing. This is a medium that has (I think) never been used before (Or at least not at this extend). And as all mediums it has its positives and negatives. The positives are very clear, strong and interesting: You can watch multiple POVs, follow the storylines you care about, you can see events from different perspectives and see whoever your favourite streamer is as the main character. And all of these positives are amazing and unique. No other medium has something like it... but it also has negatives no other medium has. As I see the Dream Smp has three big flaws due to it’s medium:

First of all, real life sometimes gets in the way. In books, movies and tv shows you can just pretend life does not exists for the duration of the episode or movie. This is called escapism, the reason why storytelling is so attractive. The problem with the medium of the Dream SMP is that the storyline sometimes is affected by real life in ways other mediums aren’t. For example a streamer deciding not to do roleplay after a big event when we could use a nice view of the after-effects of said event, or a streamer missing an important event that they could have been a major part of. And this is not the streamer’s fault at all. Real life is inevitable. An example is when Wilbur missed the festival because he forgot to read the groupchat. But it is still an unfortunate negative of the medium.

Second, improvisation can be great. But it can also... not. It is a miracle, a truly testament of how good everyone’s improvisation skills are that the story has been so good for a long time (As I have said in prior post, the story is basically flawless until the manberg/pogtopia war. Then it all kind of went downhill). But I think it is starting to show that preparation beats improvisation 9 times out of 10. Improvisation only works when people have a small guideline, something that tells them point A and point B for them to connect. And I don’t think that is happening a lot nowadays. Furthermore, I don’t think the current writer are doing a good job of communicating the plot to other and including everyone. We can see this in many ways: Nicky not knowing about the festival until the day before because of her chat, Dream leaving Techno on read when he asked what the next plotline was, Tommy not reading the scripts, the story becoming more and more the “Tommy and other two people show” instead of the “Dream Smp show”, and many other examples. (I have many thoughts about how I feel like Tommy sometimes is grabbing all the story/clout of the SMP for himself, not on purpose probably, but... I just feel I bad vibe from that. It is not something I can really put into words. Just a feeling. Not accusing him of doing that or being evil or anything. Just an unfortunate side-effect of him being the center of attention all the time which can lead to fatigue from the viewers when the plot is always about one guy and his discs all the time)

And finally the main negative. The biggest problem and challenge the SMP will have. It’s ending: It is not a secret that the SMP is successful, popular and makes a ton of money. So of course they will continue the SMP. But the problem is that the smp has a story and stories can only go so far. For example, Tommy’s discs being a motivation for his character for one or two arcs is understandable. But when the discs are his motivation for several arcs (And counting), it kind hurts your suspension of disbelief (That is the amount of things you can take in a story before you say “This story is not believable at all”). I am not comparing the smp to Disney. But when they continue to stretch the story more than it should because it is successful... yikes. The manberg/pogtopia war could have been the finally if they changed around a couple of things. And I fully understand them wanting to continue the story after that arc (Which I agree was a good idea despite their not so successful attempt of replicating prior arcs). And the point where we are now although kind of weird, I can totally see the story continuing. But there will be a point where it just feels like everything should have ended long ago. You cannot have a character go through the same arcs, the story having the same events all the time. Writing a long story is hard and complicated, you have to justificate why there is more all the time. 

And if they don’t start organizing better, including everyone, planning things out, and deciding on a satisfying ending... then the Dream Smp has a will have a boring repeated ending that few people will watch because it will happen when people start moving on from the smp. And I really don’t want that. They should quit when they are ahead, when they feel comfortable ending the story, when all arcs are resolved, before things start going even more downhill. 

PS1: Again, english. Sorry if i’m a bit negative on my blog. But there are already thousands of people explaining an analysis all the amazing things from the smp that I would just be repeating what everyone says. Criticising something you love is not a bad thing. I see as your love for something is so big that even with flaws you can still love it... that sounds corny, jesus christs it is just minecraft roleplay. As always, I am never sending hate ever. 

PS2: Something irks about Tommy and Tubbo not streaming together almost at all even though in the story they are friends again. That and Tubbo not being on any of Tommy’s videos but other are just... It is probably nothing... probably. Maybe it is just me projecting my own insecurities with my own friends. I am not saying they had a fight or they hate each other now or whatever. But... it’s still a bit sad and weird. Maybe it is because Tommy only wants to do content with like big youtubers and he is focused on always improving and stuff, while Tubbo is more about relaxing and streaming shit he enjoys. A shame. After months of no content from them, they are back but not really. 

PS3: Nothing has happened story wise at all since Doomsday. Which is odd. Is Tommy moving on from the smp? He did say he is focusing on youtube at the moment (And unfortunate negative of the medium, real life gets in the way of the story as I said) so maybe it is that. Nothing major has really happened. Not even small things. Why is Tommy streaming less and less all the time? I don’t know. I also do not think there will be an event on the 16th because of the chess tournament and the lack of any plot developments at all since Doomsday. Many questions, few answers. I kinda feel like I am getting a bit tired/moving from the smp. And Tommy specifically, I am glad for him and happy that he is getting all this success but I think his persona made more sense/was more bearable when he was a relatively smaller streamer/youtuber. With the risk of sounding corny again... I feel like Tommy is too mainstream now (Tiktokers are commenting on his instagram posts and that is never a good sign) and has become more corporate (Only streaming and making videos with people who benefit his video’s/streams instead of HIS BEST FRIEND TUBBO. But that really could just be my anxiety talking. Don’t think to hard about it, I am no one to say what he should or should not do, and I do not know of his life to say things definitively. Just a hunch, a bad vibe I am getting from him.).

[aerialflight]

Fic Rec (where i'm into too many fandoms rn and ships which is weird of me)

[Bleach] (been a while amiright?)

Oxytocin by Asuka Kureru (Askerian)

Ship: Grimmjow/Ichigo/Orihime

Complete trust and physical affection are great!

They're a bit less great when they were caused by weird hollow drugs.

They're even less great when the guy who was drugged up into loving the hell out of you is the same guy who tried to murder you a couple times a couple years ago.

(listen i just stumbled upon this and I have no regrets. i don't usually go for ships, let alone poly, but like, GOD, i love how everyone is characterized here, especially orihime and i just want to SCREAM OK? OK. the vibe i get from this fic reminds me of @murderlight (big fan) and if that doesn't say anything, i don't know what will.)

-

[Gintama] (i don't know how i spiralled into this fandom either, been literal years since i've even thought about this fandom, i have no regrets)

Grab Your Dreams With Your Fists While You Can Still Remember It by yatagarasu (leelhiette)

Ship: Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki

Toshirou should learn to look both ways before crossing the road.

(Or he learns more about the people around him and about himself.)

(amnesia fic, and i know it's a common trope but they did it BEAUTIFULLY here. love this so much. and it's post-canon.)

I feel you by arashian155 for machinecuisine

Ship: Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki

“I’m so done with this,” Gintoki muttered angrily. Zura sighed while Tatsuma laughed loudly. “Your soulmate’s getting roughed up again?” Gintoki groaned. “Worst timing ever! There was this one Amanto swinging his gigantic sword at me and I was just about to dodge it when, out of fucking nowhere, I feel something stabbing my shoulder! It threw me off and if it weren’t for that, I would have been perfectly healthy right now instead of getting nursed for this stupid wound!” he pointed at the ugly slash across his torso. “Fuck soulmates!”

A story about Sakata Gintoki's journey into embracing his soulbond, falling in love, and learning the cons of selflessness.

(THE SLOW BUILD-UP OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND THE PLOT FOLLOWS CANON AND I CAN'T STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS STUPID FIC I'M SO STUPID FOR THIS STUPID SHIP FEIWNFOPA)

-

[One Piece] (of course)

Undone by pkmntrainer_alex

After the entire family almost dies at WCI, Judge Vinsmoke orders the removal of his sons' emotional modifications in a bid to save his own skin in future endeavors. He doesn't stop to consider the ramifications of his 21-year-old sons finally, suddenly, being able to feel their human emotions in full - and their newfound ability to judge both themselves and him by their past actions.

(the vinsmoke family dynamics and the brothers trying to deal with 21 years of pent up emotions? they're trying?? so freaking hard to be functional people and they realize just how freaking amazing sanji is and that HE wasn't the failure in this family??? god, i've reread this fic so many times like an addict please read and suffer the feels with me. this is the one fic where i'm trying to patiently wait for an update. i'm just happy that this exists.)

Song of the Swords by authenticaussie

Wado is tiny when she first appears before him; her tears are as silver as her hair and the moonlight, and they gleam from within with golden fire as they pour down her cheeks.

Zoro’s heart fairly stops in his chest for a very, very long moment.

(personified swords au! introspective and fascinating and a character study of zoro and his relationship with his swords! really liked this!)

where the rims have ridges by Civillain

Everything everyone does is in their own self-interest.

"I like your hat," she calls out quietly.

And the change is instantaneous. He stops where he stands, a hand on his head and his knees still bent to take another step, and turns to look over his shoulder.

There's a moment of silence where he says nothing, just peering at her with squinted eyes, before: "Thanks!" he beams.

His smile is wide and unchecked, so wide that it might make his cheeks ache. He doesn't have laugh lines, but the way he smiles makes her imagine that he's spent his whole life grinning like that, warmly and brightly, so sincere and upfront that the breath gets punched right out her lungs.

Sometimes, there are people close to exceptions. But not quite.

20 years apart, and two people that don't make any sense.

(god, such a good outside pov look on luffy! luffy is such an unreadable character lots of times and it's so hard to pin down his characterization but this fic got it so right! made me fall for luffy all over again and realize just how incredible he is, as both a not-hero figure and main character! definitely recommend!)

those things beyond us by Civillain

There's something different about Luffy on nights like this, nights where there's soft rain and half-moons, and when the streets are quiet; no cars or trucks, only midnight joggers or early risers taking walks to the beach.

(Where Luffy and his friends have a relationship Sabo doesn't think he'll ever be able to understand.)

(honestly, i just love all of this author's one piece works. its a modern au where the straw hats are reincarnated and find each other all in sabo's pov. it's beautiful and this is how i would picture how the straw hats would fit in a modern au. nakamaship is the best ship, no questions needed. so so good!)

Magic Paint by 8ball

Luffy sticks his hands out.

“Paint mine!”

Usopp watches the expressions on Sanji’s face. He likes watching the obvious emotions go through him like a slideshow, and it's somehow comforting that he can see the exact moment Sanji decides that going along with Luffy will be the easiest choice. So Usopp waits for Sanji to test his own nails, deem them dry enough, unscrew the tiny brush top again, and then he asks if Sanji will do his, too. And because Sanji already has the brush ready, and they’re both right there anyways, Usopp knows he’s going to get what he wants.

or the au that came from nowhere where Sanji paints his nails and everyone elses and thats really it

(*screams* the pureness, the fluff, the nakamaship!! fneiwoapfe!! the best, sweetest headcanon ever! had the biggest grin on my face the whole time i was reading this! please please read!!!)

-

[Percy Jackson & the Olympians]

Stealing Shells by the Seashore by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle

Ship: Sally Jackson/Posiedon

Sally's eyes flicked between Poseidon and then the sea below. He could feel the understanding click.

"Oh, absolutely not-"

"It isn't that high!"

"Poseidon, I am not jumping off of this cliff! I'm not doing it. I won't, you can't make me, it's very high, I am not going to-"

"If my brother sees you here, he's going to assume that you're carrying my child."

"Ridiculous. I have much higher standards."

"I also have higher standards, but he isn't going to listen to us," Poseidon reasoned. The wind blew a bit harder, and Poseidon felt the sea rise with his anxiety. "I would use my powers to hide you, but he'll sense I've used them. You'll be fine," he tried, and Sally gave something of a skeptical laugh.

"Not happening."

The lightning grew closer. For the love of-

"In that case… I'm sorry," he said. Sally tilted her head suspiciously.

"Why are you-" she began but was cut off by Poseidon shoving her off the cliff's edge. He could hear a scream. It started loud and high before getting smaller and smaller. Finally, a splash followed.

Or

Sally and Poseidon spent one summer together… and most of it was them being on the run for a godly crime they didn't commit.

(THIS is the ONLY backstory i will ever accept regarding this ship for the REST OF MY LIFE. i binged this so freaking fast and i am in love with sally as much as posiedon is. percy jackson got his Everything from his mom you can't change my fucking mind. THIS FIC NEEDS MORE ATTENTION AND KUDOS! READ!!!)

Son of Sea Foam by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle

“She’ll never claim me,” he whispered. Silena shook her head, eyes wild as she looked around for anyone who could be watching.

“My mother doesn’t remember half of her children as it is,” she said with a note of bitterness. “If you do something to impress her, it won’t matter. Return the bolt in her name. She’ll claim you if you act the part. If you stay unclaimed then they'll figure out what you really are," she said, squeezing his hands tightly. Percy's heart sped up.

"I - I don't know the first thing about Aphrodite-"

"My mother was born of sea foam," Silena cut him off. "And if you're really who I think you are... you are the sea. You can pull this off," she said and touched his cheek. "Get the bolt. Survive," she said. Percy swallowed.

"What if I can't act the part?" He asked. Silena's expression went blank for a moment. Slowly, she slipped off her bracelet and placed it in his hands.

"If you're going to be one of us... you better learn."

Or

AU where Percy has to hide the fact he's a Big Three kid otherwise he'll be killed on the spot. Unfortunately for him, unclaimed kids tend to raise the most suspicion... but he might have found a loophole in the form Aphrodite.

(one of my current obsessions rn. my eyes are constantly glued on the screen because i want to devour more of this galaxy brained fic. this author just keeps on giving and i love them for it. also, SILENA IS AMAZING AND SHE'S GETTING THE ATTENTION SHE DESERVES HELL YEAH!)

-

[Haikyuu!!]

He Waits For a Miracle by ich_bin_ein_stern

Ship: Hinata/Kageyama

A minute ago, he was on the ground after he and the others were tackled by their happily weeping senpai.

They had just beat Shiratorizawa.

And now - "Kageyama-kun? Are you paying attention?" - he's trying not to freak out because he's surrounded by distantly familiar faces while wearing a school uniform he hasn't worn in almost a year.

(TIME TRAVEL TIME TRAVEL TIME TRAVEL *screams*)

-

[The Witcher] (seriously, all my rare fandoms somehow popped up this month)

the way fire holds by theundiagnosable

Ship: Geralt/Yennefer/Jaskier

“There’s a song there, somewhere, don’t you think?” Jaskier says. “‘A witcher, a sorcerer, and a human walk into a bar’…”

(ROLE REVERSAL FIC HECK YES!! Witcher!Yennefer, Mage!Jaskier, Human!Geralt is amazing omg. It all works out so damn well and the relationship between yennefer and jaskier makes me want to cry so much. Geralt is at peak himbo greatness and it's fantastic haha! Their dynamics are just *chefs kiss* so damn good.)

The Shape of You by lirulin

Ship: Geralt/Jaskier

Some people say it's old elven magic, a remnant from before the conjunction of the spheres. Other's will say it's the last fading vestiges of chaos as the modern era slowly drives all magic and wonder out of the world. Those people are, naturally, real killjoys whom Jaskier cannot envision loving anything, but that's fine. To each their own.

Soulmate Spiritual Animal AU

(you have no idea how much i laughed when reading this fic. no idea. jaskier makes me want to scream with how much of a himbo he is and geralt, for once, is not the complete idiot between these two though it's a close call, not gonna lie.)

to grow in adversity by Soulykins

Ship: Geralt/Jaskier, Renfri & Jaskier

“For you!” Julian cried, shoving a fistful of weeds in Renfri’s direction, his smile wide and carefree. Renfri carefully took them in her hands that were only shaking a little bit now, smearing red onto green stems and yellow petals.

Julian clambered into the bed beside her and crawled halfway onto her lap. “I got you flowers, ‘cause you’re so pretty like them!”

“These aren’t flowers, they’re weeds.” Renfri told him, rolling her eyes but allowing the contact with ease. Somedays it seemed like Julian was the only person in the entire castle who wasn’t afraid of her.

“They look like flowers.” He said, crinkling his nose.

“They’re dandelions,” Renfri informed her brother with a tiny smile, “They grow everywhere, even places they perhaps shouldn’t. That’s why they’re a weed.”

“Perhaps they’re a little like you,” She teased, “Growing in even the scariest of places with no fear.” Like a monster’s heart, she doesn’t say.

“Like a superpower!” Julian gasped.

Renfri separated one dandelion from the little clutch and reached out to tuck it behind a little ear. “For the stubborn hero, Jaskier.”

(this is THE fic that got me into the witcher fandom and i can't believe i never reced this before. renfri & jaskier's siblingship is so damn good and just, the amount of effort put into their backstory and relationship makes me want to cry sometimes. and yennefer, ohoho, yennefer is at her Best here, i love her in this fic and her relationship with these siblings! geralt both makes me want to punch him and hug him, which is the norm and totally understandable hahaha! seriously, one of the best witcher fics i've ever read, please please read!)

-

[Boku no Hero Academia]

Where your love has always been enough (for me) by classicequinox

Ship: Todorki Enji/Todorki Rei

It's a dark coil of anger deep in the pit of his stomach, reminding him that he was the root, the catalyst, the trigger for their family's downward spiral. It did happen - he reminds himself harshly. He can't forget that, even if time has actually reset itself.

Todoroki Enji gets a second chance. It's up to him to see what he can do with it.

(genuinely the most believable enji i've seen regarding how he deals with his past actions and trying to be better and rei being a complicated, good person who i can see matches well with enji. really well done characterization and slow building relationship that is believable to me. enji trying to change things in a meaningful, careful manner makes me want to root for him!)

Katsuki Bakugou Makes A Friend (And Also Almost Dies, But Whatever) by Sif (Rosae)

Katsuki Bakugou is eight years old, he has no idea how he got here, where he is, or who this other kid is with him, but that's not gonna stop him from being brave and tough, just like the hero he's gonna be when he's older!

The universe has other ideas, but Katsuki Bakugou is a child made of spite, hubris, determination, and way too much nitroglycerin, so the universe can take it's ideas and shove 'em. After all, nobody out-stubborns Katsuki. Nobody.

(KID BAKUGOU & KID SHIGARAKI FRIENDSHIP! BAKUGOU STOLE MY HEART! SO SMART, SUCH A HERO! I LAUGHED AND CRIED THROUGHOUT THIS FIC, MY HEART CAN'T TAKE THIS! LITTLE SHIGARAKI MAKES A FRIEND AND IT'S TOO CUTE!!! so freaking adorable, oh lord. fneiwofpweafe)

Play The Field by lalazee for Banna_Banana

Ship: Bakugou/Midoriya

Baseball and feelings, feelings and baseball. Turns out, Bakugou and Deku are both good and bad at the same things. They try to work on it.

(look, i don't even know man. i stumbled upon this baseball au fic and the characterization is so top notch!! the backstories and feelings you get from this matches bakugou and deku's canon relationship perfectly and i flew past this so fast, god. please give this a chance, it's fantastic!)

-

[Marvel]

Blips on the Record by ambivalentangst for Bean_reads_fanfic

Flash, let it be known, doesn’t like Peter. He’s too good at everything—infuriatingly so—and nobody ever calls him on his bullshit, like with AcaDec nationals. Flash has to put his all into everything he does for a fraction of the attention Peter gets for his bare minimum, and it pisses him off, to say the least, so sue him for looking for chances here and there to knock him down a peg.

However, when he notices, he shuts his entire operation down.

Maybe Peter has a decade on his age when he was in the thick of it, but Flash remembers what it was like. He gets having school be a safe place, and nobody, not even himself, is going to jeopardize that for Peter.

//

Flash Thompson’s story is not simple, Peter Parker can always use someone else in his corner, and secrets are had and protected by all.

(flash is fleshed out! flash is getting some Good Rep! flash doing his best and being grumpy but ultimately trying to help peter in what ways he could! flash being a complex character and making me love him all over again! flash! getting some actual freaking attention fewnifoapew! THANK YOU! seriously, if you're looking for an actual good flash fic that doesn't feel disingenuous, read this!)

people were mean to you, but I always thought you were cool by suzukiblu for beckyh2112

Fandoms: Avengers & X-men

“What are your feelings on the mutant threat?!” one of the reporters shouts, and Steve just looks at him.

“I think anyone threatening mutants should be stopped,” he says calmly, and the swarm of reporters explodes, a dozen camera flashes going off at once.

(not exaggerating when i say i've reread this fic so many times that it's honestly concerning. steve & cyclop's friendship here makes me so soft?? they're both leaders of their teams and steve not being what everyone expects of him is always a soft spot for me. will forever be addicted to this fic, please enjoy!)

#notmycap by missgoalie75

Fandom: The Falcon and the Winter Soldier

In which Bucky fully embraces the 21st century and is a salty bitch on Twitter.

(nonono, you don't understand. you don't understand how much i howled and screamed in public while reading this, oh my GOD. honestly the funniest shit i've read in a VERY long time, bucky is Perfect here. fucking drag that guy you beautiful cranky soul. X'D)

[smilindesperado]

New chapter of (My Heart) Still Beats for You is (finally) up!

Aang has some news for Sokka, and Sokka finds himself wanting to spend more time with Suki.

Another update on the shorter side, but we’re moving the story along.  

Originally, I had only planned on telling this story from Mai’s POV, but as I started fleshing it out more, I realized that there were some things that I wanted from Sokka’s POV.  Eventually I made the decision to dedicate an equal amount of chapters to each character.  BUT because of that, in editing Sokka’s chapters end up having a lot more changes to them, whereas the edits to Mai’s chapters are mostly just tightening up her story and cleaning up some prose.

There are some changes to Sokka’s story that were made during edits, including the flashback from chapter 4 (a last minute addition) and changing the flashback in this chapter.  Originally, I had Sokka and Yue’s first meeting here, but as I was editing it felt like it was just padding for the chapter instead of actually moving it along.  So, ultimately, I took it out and stole a flashback from Chapter 10 because it fit much better here (and I have some different plans for chapter 10, now).

Even still...I really liked some parts of the flashback that I ended up removing, so I’m going to post it here for anyone that’s interested!  And if you see me reuse some of the ideas from this excerpt, no you didn’t.

(Also, apart from a quick skim of the text before, I didn’t do much editing on it, so apologies for any typos/awkward grammar.)

“Are you alright?”

Yue’s pretty blue eyes glossed over with worry as she held an ice-stuffed bar rag against Sokka’s shoulder.

“Oh yeah, I’m great,” Sokka replied, punctuated with an eye roll.  Yue bit her lip and looked to the side, guilty, and he quickly backtracked.  “Yeah...I’m alright.  Don’t worry about me.”

The night had decidedly not been going Sokka’s way.  He found himself at some schmoozy dinner club uptown for a university alumni event.  He usually avoided those kinds of things, but he didn’t really have anything else to do.  He had just moved into his new spot, away from old friends, so his Friday night plans usually involved his roommate Aang and/or his sister.  Recently, however, that had turned into Sokka hanging out with Aang and Katara, and he felt like it was time for a change of scenery.

So, in an effort to switch up his nights and not get stuck spending another evening as third wheel to his sister and best friend, he decided to give one of these stupid alumni events a go.

And it was stupid. The bar was a little stuffy for his tastes, filled with suits and kids on trust funds if the price of drinks was anything to go by.  He recognized a couple of people from his engineering program, but no one he really shared many interests with besides engineering itself.

But the music at the bar was another story.

That was where he met Yue.  She was like something out of a dream, really.  Or like a movie; a silver screen moment where the lights dimmed and the spotlight illuminated her, erasing the crowd as if the whole universe began and ended with Yue.  She tapped her foot along to the beat while a guitarist strummed along in her shadow, singing a lovely melody about the moon and stars to her audience of one.

Sokka never returned to the reserved area for his party, because he had the perfect view at the bar.

Well, it was the perfect view.  Until some douchebag saddled up next to him and started hitting on the bartender.  The woman was clearly uncomfortable and the guy just couldn’t take a hint.  Even worse, once the bartender quickly extracted herself from the conversation, the guy had found another poor girl to harass.  This one was unfortunately more comfortable with the situation and Sokka ended up hearing their whole gross flirtations while they exchanged numbers.

But still, it had been worth enduring all of that to catch the last of the siren’s songs.

Sokka cashed out once Yue’s set ended and scanned the room hoping to spot her.  He thought she should at least know how incredible she was-er...sounded.

He caught her eye and she began floating towards him, smiling wide.  Sokka wondered if he actually hadn’t imagined that she was singing directly to him before the illusion was shattered when she locked her eyes onto someone behind him instead.

Needless to say, when Yue swept up to the guy who had been flirting with everything in sight just a few minutes ago, Sokka boiled over.  Perhaps it had been the drinks, or maybe he was just so offended on her behalf, but the accusations spilled out of his mouth before his mind could catch up.

“Wait.  You’re with him?”

The guy glared at Sokka, sweeping his hair out of his eyes before slinging an arm around Yue.  “Yeah, what of it?”

Sokka knew he should have kept his big mouth shut, because really, it was none of his business.  He knew nothing about the woman, but the liquid courage gave him the boost he needed to defend her honor.

After calling him out on his behavior and hurling a few insults at one another, the incident quickly devolved and the guy shoved Sokka, his back hitting the ledge of the bar roughly, which spurred Sokka to tackle him to the ground.  Security wrestled them apart and threw the guy and his friends out.  The reassurance from the bartender that the other guy instigated the whole thing allowed Sokka to stay behind and make sure Yue was okay.

Or more accurately, allowed Yue to make sure Sokka was okay.  Though he wished he could have caught her attention with a different method, Sokka couldn’t help but feel a little thrilled to find himself with an excuse to spend time with this otherworldly beauty.

“I’m sorry about Hahn.” Yue kept her gaze down at the ground, her voice sounding so small.  Sokka thought how unfair it was that she was the one feeling guilty in this mess.

“Oh, that guy?  He barely touched me.  The guy’s probably never been in a fight in his life.”

“Oh?” She looked back up at Sokka again, and he tried his best to not get lost in her eyes.  “Do you get into a lot of fights?”

Sokka rolled his neck, feigning a coolness he definitely wasn’t feeling.  “Psh, people don’t usually try to get into fights with me.”

Yue got up from her spot to reach for the bag behind her and Sokka realized how that may have sounded.  She just (hopefully) dumped her short-tempered boyfriend and probably wasn’t looking for another one.

“I mean, not that I look for fights or anything,” he added quickly.  “I’m a lover, not a fighter, you know?”

Was that a weird thing to say?

But Yue giggled and a faint blush rose to her cheeks, and Sokka knew he would do anything to pull that reaction out of her again.

“Well, thank you, Sokka.”  Yue slung her purse over her shoulder and gave Sokka a small, pretty smile.

“Uh, what are you up to now?  Do you wanna get out of here?” Sokka asked, causing Yue to still, looking him over.  His eyes grew wide when he realized how that may have sounded.  “Not, like in a creepy way,” he rectified quickly.  “I mean, like maybe we could go for a walk and grab some food or...do an activity?”

She raised a delicate eyebrow curiously and her lips pressed together in an attempt to hold back her laughter.  “Do an activity?”

“Uh…” Sokka rubbed at the back of his neck before squeaking out a hesitant “...yes?” in confirmation.

A lovely smile graced her lips, and Sokka couldn’t believe his luck.  “Okay.”

Maybe Aang and Katara’s oogies would be a little more tolerable if he had a love of his own.

[kiki-is-writing]

the beginning and end of everything UPDATE!!!

DISCLAIMER: This is my original work. I choose to share my work here and here specifically for my comrades in the writing community. Plagiarism in any form will not be tolerated. 

HI EVERYONE! I FINISHED MY NOVEL! Whooo hoooo!!!

It’s actually sort of surreal, I started it in June of 2020 and now it’s 2021 and it’s over! Ty, Jude, Ada, Dorothy, and Madison have been living in my head since October 2019, and less than a year and a half later, they’ve been brought to life! Crazy!!

A summary in case you forgot/are seeing this and don’t know who the hell I am:

Ty Kassisieh has no direction. He’s just graduated college with a degree he doesn’t care about and no clue what to do with his life. Per his parent’s request to be more like his genius twin sister Ada, he picks up a job at a local library to save some money. There, he meets his coworker Jude, who’s stuck in a position not too far from his own, and Ty immediately sees the potential for companionship. But after speaking to him, Ty discovers Jude is everything he isn’t: he’s cold, introverted, aloof, and worst of all, humorless. Soon, Ty forgets all about his initial goal and becomes determined to crack Jude and see what makes him tick. 

Ty’s journey of self-discovery is uprooted completely as what begins as an investigation blossoms into a friendship, and then into something more. Ty is forced to confront the feelings he’s been pushing down since high school and come to terms with himself, his family, and the relationships he thought would never change. It’s only when he befriends a young library patron, Madison, that he finally begins to see the world for what it is and figures out how to pave his own path.

Here are some stats!

Word count: 65,900 (it’ll get at least 20k words longer)

Genre: Romantic comedy

POV: third person limited, present tense

Characters: Ty, Jude, Ada, Madison, Dorothy, Diane, Omar, Paul, Uncle Hubie, Ethel

Chapters: 15

Font: Times New Roman (sorry)

This was my second novel, but the first novel where I actually knew what I was doing, at least a little bit. And holy shit, I learned SO much about my writing process:

1. I cannot pants for the life of me. I have no idea what I’m doing without an outline. But sometimes, the outline doesn’t know best. I added a ton of subplots and off-the-cuff scenes halfway through that have no set up, gave up on subplots that weren’t working halfway through, it’s a disaster of a plot. BUt the important thing is that I know how to make it perfect. I know what the story needs and how to get that.

2. Why can I only write in bursts? I wrote like seven chapters, half the novel, in the month of July. There was a day where I wrote almost 5,000 words. And last night, I wrote for 6 hours straight, without eating, drinking, or going to the bathroom (because frankly, I forgot those things existed) and I cranked out a chapter and a half in a DAY. I had such a headache and was very hungry by the end, but it was SO REWARDING. 

3. I noticed while drafting is how often bits of my real life bled through. Little anecdotes, arguments, dynamics and experiences. Those who know me particularly well can probably pick out little allusions to either some of my past works, my friends, and myself.

It was 1:00 AM when I finished, and I live on the east coast of the U.S. so we’d just had a huge Nor’easter (New England for blizzard) and I went outside in the middle of the night, in my pajama pants and my uggs, and stood in my backyard and looked at the trees and processed the fact that wow, I just wrote a novel. It was cathartic and beautiful and I 110% recommend standing in snow up to your knees by yourself in the middle of the night. Very peaceful. 

As exciting as it is to be done, it’s kind of weird to be ending it. I started this novel from Ty’s first person POV, and he was just kind of another goofy, dorky character that shared my own sense of humor as well as my sense of perfectionism. But as I wrote, not only did I realize that third person worked so much better, but I started realizing how much of me and my own journey as a queer person had gone into this. It turned from a light-hearted, silly rom-com with little depth, a fun summer project to keep myself busy, to the most self expressive story I’ve ever written. I didn’t expect it to come out with much deeper meaning, it was summer and I was on a light-hearted rom-com kick, and life was carefree and silly and I wanted a book that reflected it. And then, school started, and life just descended into absolute chaos, and it was November, and it was NaNoWriMo, and I was writing my novel while watching CNN for a week straight. (But it all turned out great! New president!)

I can’t remember exactly when I started to incorporate my own struggles growing up as a queer kid, but somehow they bled through in the second half. The last scene of the book is (no spoilers) an incredible breath of fresh air for Ty. It’s something I can only wish for every queer teenager, that moment where you can finally be unapologetically and authentically queer without that nagging worry in the back of your mind. I’ve struggled over this past year with my identity, and as Ty found his place, I found mine as well. 

Seriously, writing this book was one of the best experiences I’ve had. Yes, the entire time I had a separate document open, writing down every little thing that needs to change, but I legitimately feel excited for draft 2 and continuing working on this project. I think about how much this book helped me, unconsciously creating the story that I needed to hear, and how maybe, in ten, fifteen years, some queer teenager will be wandering around a bookstore and pick up The Beginning and End of Everything. Maybe just because the cover is pretty. Maybe they like the F. Scott Fitzgerald reference in the title. Maybe they heard about it on Twitter somewhere. But they pick it up, and see themselves in Ty, or in Jude, or in Madison. I know every book that gave me that feeling, I cherish them so deeply, and all I really want is for someone to get that feeling from something I wrote. To see themselves in the pages and know they’re not alone. It’s cheesy, but it’s true, and it’s important. 

I think one of my favorite themes in the novel is the whole ‘someone’s got your back’ thing. I 100% did not mean for it to go in the way it did, but I was writing this as I was going through some Stuff, some stuff in which I realized that having someone, just one person in your corner can mean the entire world, if only for that moment. And if there’s no one in your corner when you need it, you can be in someone else’s when they need it. Frankly, I love how it plays out throughout the novel. There was always that theme of Ty and Madison sort of being there for each other, but as I found myself in the first semester of the school year building new friendships with incredible, smart, funny people (albeit most of that being online) and strengthening old bonds, it worked its way in, and it fits perfectly. It adds depth and strength to the story I couldn’t have done consciously. 

Essentially, it is still the romantic comedy I intended it to be, but it’s also a coming-of-age (except much older than the traditional coming-of-age). Watching some of my close friends and family graduating college and continuing to struggle with their identities and places in the world I think is what truly carved out this idea. Because not everyone has everything figured out as soon as they graduate, and I feel like, as a teenager, that’s something my friends and I really need to get through our heads. A lot of us expect to have everything figured out as soon as we turn 18. But, we’re 18. There’s a lot of life ahead of us, and we can’t possibly know what we’re going to do so young. So I think that was my main source of inspiration for this novel, and I’m really proud of the way that fleshed out. Of course it needs lots and lots of work, but. I like it. The way my personal life bled through and strengthened the story is incredible to reflect on. Honestly, I really, truly, cannot wait to start working on draft 2.

taglist:

@alicewestwater @august-iswriting @lottieiswriting @phiwrites @jennawritesstories @chloeswords

[legionofpotatoes]

black widow thonks with spoilers under the cut. because I'm a marvel retrospective blog now I guess

(being in cinemas again is exciting. leave me alone)

A Movie. fits right into that mcu sweet spot of better than I feared, worse than I hoped

better because the first half does seemingly functional dramatic setups, doesn't shy away from quiet moments of interiority, tries to establish a bespoke narrative to operate in, has a weird enough opening that you can chalk up to it being "good" until we see how it's all addressed later on

worse cause second half is an mcu's greatest hits bonanza with clunky payoffs and reverse engineered catharsis shoehorning emotional development into some sort of avengers-need-me endpoint like it's a fridge being pushed into a carry-on suitcase with "franchise continuity" written on it

yelena/florence absolutely delightful. if she's taking over the character that could be nice! I think that girl has very pretty eyes. her acting/humor/accent was very good and really the only functional relationship with natasha in this entire ass movie

adjacent thought: accents overall were good, but some "major" beats were delivered in straight-up russian and. eurgh. horrible pronunciation. weird how this stuff doesnt get vetted on big boy hollywood sets. meanwhile they have one actual russian actor and they're mute the whole time. baller

re: clunky payoffs. major dramatic beat in the end is "sorry I left you, sister" despite the opening showing us the exact opposite. natasha fiercely protecting her from shit dad. whereas the actual defection from the red room is explained away in words and pieces across the movie. "show don't tell" isn't a tired platitude, and would help a LOT here if we saw that moment fit in the dramatic coherence of their past relationship chronologically. feels trivial but catharsis really is just setups and payoffs and making them CLEAR to follow. feel confident complaining about this more than anything else tbh

lots of other examples but this one felt easiest to "get right" in existing framework. other stuff like relationship with rest of the widows/dreykov/his daughter all harder to wrap my head around despite feeling short-changed overall. and like I can't claim to be able to doctor movie scripts or anything

but the parents! what the fuck! way to waste david harbour and rachel weisz! how is his shitty psychology not interrogated/prodded in any way. I did nothing wrong because my daughters grew up into effective brainwashed killers. makes them sad when I say that for some reason. here's a lil song I remember from back when I was lying to you about everything. feel better and move forward please, need to brag more about being cool

mom was overall better handled but the double-triple-quadruple turncoating at the end with constant callbacks and timeline cuts let all the air out of any possible dramatic payoff. functionally speaking it all literally happened in that closet while they were swapping outfits I guess? and we see bits and pieces of it for the sake of plot and not emotion? Weird Choice. but that's just me. idk

you can really tell the exact moment an mcu script hits "fuck it" and throws hands in air as nonsense plot device meter hits peak readings. aggression cancelling man-pheromones was that moment for me. literally what the fuck lmao. I guess the writers room felt strongly about it cause it fits as a wacko metaphor? for a dude manipulating and abusing women? okay. you know. good choice in an espionage thriller. I think it's fucking stupid still! and at the very LEAST warranted some sort of setup/foreshadowing to be less jarring

I get this entirely unjustifiable schadenfreude when fan favorite characters are fucked with. I imagined angry nerds frothing at the mouth about taskmaster and it brought me so much joy. I am truly not gloating I know this is a bad feeling to have. it's evil and judgmental and says more about me than anyone else.

gotta hand it a lil bit to the nerds though, having the character at least be able to speak and articulate motives/relation to natasha/at least express interiority through physical moments would be nice (good nearby example: winter soldier in cap 2). set up your mystery character reveals ya ding dongs. and be a bit heavyhanded about them if needed I promise it's okay. but when did drama and story matter more than plot to marvel? I generally found taskmaster a great overall story beat on paper but it's all the clunky drama around them that failed the execution. more context around That Moment in budapest, a few insert shots of physical micro expressions, actual dialogue during the reveal, idk. probably not as easy to improve this and I'm being a bit flippant but it really does look good on paper to me but then it all feeling empty and pointless by the end is not something I can deny

the incredibly hot dude natasha keeps around for Spy Stuff Procurement. whose name I already forgot. would be nice to give him a Moment, yannow. he literally IS a plot device with no dramatic function around him. everything he did/motivated in the plot could easily be written into nat's pov to save runtime. so why include him at all? it's not like big corporations tend to chase after tokenism in their tentpole films right fellas

so. natasha. the actual titular person in the middle of all this. I can be a bit high brow with my semiotic dissection of these potato salad movies but the fact that your main hero should.. like. change somehow. by the end of a movie. isn't that the whole point of storytelling? flawed personhood goes through crucible of personal challenge and achieves meaningful change. I feel like drama needs to really be blasted at me full-force, because maybe I missed it but did natasha change?

her big mission statement in the end is something like. "turns out I have two families, time to fix the other one". but a) the current one is still fucked up (but okay, it's really about yelena, I'll give it a pass), and b) sort of implies that THIS movie is what spurred her to stop being on the run alone and decide to instead be on the run with steve. which is. a baffling emotional result because why couldn't she do it earlier. we need to know these reasons to make any of this mumbo jumbo work. why was she not with steve in the beginning? "I'm better off alone" throwaway lines probably, yeah. I don't remember. okay why then? interrogate her self-isolation motives a bit more? tie them somehow in her catharsis with yelena? fucking. setups and payoffs. riddle your films with them and make them CLEAR and I PROMISE it's so much more satisfying. I mean for me it is. if you got anything out of her declaration in the end, in all honesty, power to ya

...no sorry I can't get over the attack canceling man pheromones it's so fucking stupid lmao

[diavolodigitale]

L’appel Du Vide: 01 What a Way to Start

Not that anybody is really reading it here, but I decided to follow through with this story no matter what.

All chapters: 00 - 01 - All stories in PDF

Rhys is the CEO of Atlas and Jack’s AI is back, surprise, surprise! Now Rhys is dismayed, Jack doesn’t care much, and the events of Borderlands 3 are just beginning to unravel. Is there any way to fix the plot of this game? Would it be any better if Rhys had to cooperate with Jack this whole time? Well, this is your chance to find out!

Spoiler: yes, dammit, it would. Everything’s better with a bit of Handsome Jack in it.

Genres: Fix-It, Developing Relationship, Alternate Canon, POV Third Person, Humor, Drama, Plot-driven (kind of? well, it has plot)

Pairing: Handsome Jack’s AI/Rhys (they’re still just talking, dammit)

Characters: Handsome Jack’s AI, Rhys

Rating: M for Mature but not in this chapter lol

Size: around 3000 words (chapter 2/11)

Sun set and rose, another day began. Rhys shaved off his moustache.

“Mornin’, sleeping beauty,” said Jack, who was sitting in Rhys’ chair when the latter one entered his office wearing only red bathrobe and home slippers.

“Morning,” replied Rhys, eying Jack wearily. Jack almost expected him to be surprised by his presence all over again, but it seemed like Rhys did not, after all, convince himself that the events of the previous day were just a dream, which, depending on how one looks at it, might even be considered personal growth. “Let me say how much I appreciate you not stalking me while I sleep. Just so you knew,” he said, painfully aware of Jack’s realness and determination to stay.

“Actually,” began Jack, idly following Rhys’s movements around the room with his gaze, “I watched you for some time, but your face looked so stupid that I started having these fits of hysterical laughter, so I left not to wake you up accidentally. I care for you so much, after all, and… Hey!”–he suddenly sat upright in the chair and pointed at Rhys’s hunched miserable figure–“that thing from your face disappeared! I could’ve sworn I saw it yesterday...”

“And now it’s gone,” concluded Rhys with a sigh.

“Phew, great job, pal. It was so awful, I cannot even begin to describe.”

“What? I thought you liked it,” said Rhys, nonplussed.

“Yeah, about that… I lied. Didn’t want to tell you this, but with that moustache, I wouldn’t let my kids anywhere near you,” said Jack and cackled.

Rhys scowled. He got rid of his moustache precisely because Jack told him he liked it, even despite the fact that it was particularly hard for him, considering the meaning it supposedly held. Since the day before he had this strange desire to do everything in opposition to Jack. Perhaps, it was deeply rooted in his former traumatic experience with the AI. Or in the fact that he had always been kind of mischievous, either one of those two.

“I see you’re in a good mood today,” said Rhys, making himself a morning coffee. He couldn’t say the same thing about himself – half of the night he spent persuading himself not to bang his head on the wall until Jack left for good. As a temporary means, it was as good as anything, but certainly wouldn’t be a reliable way to get rid of the AI forever. In any case, it seems not to have worked for Rhys previously, so he had to come up with something else. Changing the prosthetics took time, and he didn’t have that precious resource at his disposal in the needed amount.

In the end, when he finally managed to fall asleep, it was at the thought that he was actually a little sorry for what happened with Jack’s hologram during their last confrontation. Despite all the evil Jack had done, he used to be a significant part of Rhys’s life and helped shape him into what he was now. Most importantly, he taught him not to trust anybody and to always swing for the fences. Now, being the CEO of Atlas, Rhys could clearly see that this strategy worked perfectly.

“Oh, by the by, I took some time to look through your files and check out this Kawatagi guy we talked about yesterday. Must say, he’s a very promising candidate. Maybe, I should’ve chosen him as my successor instead of you-know-who,” said Jack in a conspiratorial tone, stroking his chin and narrowing his eyes. “Instead of you, I’m talking about you,” he added in a normal voice.

Rhys sighed, gently lowering two sugar cubes into his coffee. Here we go again.

“First, why the heck did you rummage in my computers without my permission? Second, his name’s Katagawa, more precisely – Katagawa Junior. And a candidate for what? Wait, don’t say anything, I don’t even want to know. Now get out of my chair,” said Rhys and proceeded to try and shoo Jack away with a few careless waves of his hand.

“It’s not like you can’t sit here. I’m just a hologram, you know.”

Jack was grinning, of course. Rhys looked down at him with his tired sleepless eyes and sighed the fortieth time this morning.

“Remember when we first met, you called me weird? Now you’re the one being weird, congratulations.”

“Oh, come o-o-on, don’t be so bo-o-oring.” Jack disappeared from the chair and reappeared on the sofa, lying on his side with his head resting on his hand. “You know, I think I’ve now seen enough of you to bet with confidence that you don’t have any friends. I bet I was your closest friend (and don’t forget that I was your imaginary closest friend), ‘cause I don’t see how someone can tolerate that attitude for long.”

Don’t worry, Rhys, he won’t get to you, you’re thick-skinned now, you know that, thought Rhys and put his mug on the table. He sunk into his chair and turned on the ECHO device to check for any new messages.

“Actually, I do have friends,” he said in his best I-am-not-offended tone.

“Yeah? Anybody in particular?”

“Zer0, for example. I am proud to call him my friend and I’m sure he’s proud to be called mine.”

“Zer0, yeah… wait, who’s that again?”

Rhys rolled his eyes. Some things just never changed.

“One of the vault hunters who… took part in your elimination, so to put it,” he answered carefully.

“Oh, yeah, that filthy bandit, I remember him! Well, not him killing me, of course, but I think I saw him somewhere. Didn’t he have that mental condition? I remember him saying some gibberish instead of speaking like normal people do. Yeah, right,”–Jack laughed–“I can see you two dorks being friends.”

“How could I have survived this long without you trying to offend me all the time? Unbelievable.”

“That’s exactly what I was thinking! Or was that still your thought? I always forget I’m in your head. Anyway, to summarize our conversation so far, we’ve established that you’re a pathetic loner with only one creature in the whole world you can call a friend of sorts. You never seize to amaze me, Rhys.”

“There’s also Vaughn,” said Rhys through his teeth, beginning to lose his patience.

“And that is…?”

“You remember Vaughn, don’t you?”

“If I’m asking who that is, then, apparently, I don’t,” answered Jack, making the irritation in his voice sound as blatant as possible. “Why do you carry around that thing people call a head, huh?”

“He used to work for Hyperion with me.” Rhys threw a quick glance at Jack, looking for any sign of recognition on his face, but there was none. “Is short, wears glasses?” Still no signs. “Has a six-pack?” he said in his last desperate attempt to make Jack’s memory serve its purpose.

To his surprise, it actually worked. Jack snapped his fingers and rolled over on the sofa.

“Oh, that ne-erd, yeah, I remember him. Where’s he now?” he asked, not even trying to pretend that he really cared about the answer.

“He’s on Pandora, doing some bandit stuff. Guess he is working for the…” Rhys suddenly stopped, hastily thinking about what he had almost let out.

“For whom?” asked Jack indifferently. The answer still didn’t matter much to him, but he just couldn’t bear the thought of Rhys keeping something hidden from him.

“For the… err… for, well, you know… coughmson coughders,” replied Rhys, sounding like he was choking on something, and started loudly typing on the table, pretending that he was incredibly busy with his emails.

“What? Didn’t quite catch that.”

“Rimzon raide-ez,” indistinctly said Rhys into his fist and cleared his throat.”

“God dammit, Rhys, what the fuck are you saying there?” shouted Jack with annoyance and jerked up from the sofa. “Should I stand right behind you all the time to know what comes out of your mouth? Even your thoughts are more distinct than that.”

Perhaps, scared by the prospect of Jack constantly following him closely, even closer than he already did, Rhys gave in.

“It’s the Crimson Raiders, for god’s sake!” he yelled and landed his fist heavily on the table. He then took a deep breath to calm down and added, “He works for the Crimson Raiders. I just didn’t want to tell you.”

“O-oh. O-o-o-oh, I see how it is. He’s with team idiots now, isn’t he? Well, good to know. Now we’ve proven that all your friends are either stupid or nonexistent. Great.”

Rhys’s left eye was glowing as he was interfacing with the devices in his office. He took a sip of his coffee, scrolled down the list of new casualties reports and tried not to take what he had heard close to his heart.

“Now that I got my daily dose of humiliating you, let’s talk business,” said Jack and laced his fingers together as if he had a very profitable offer for his interlocutor. “I think we can squeeze something out of this Katamaga,” he began, and Rhys immediately exerted himself. He did not like the sound of that. “I think there’s more to him than you see. He doesn’t just want Atlas, you see, he very obviously wants you to work with him. What a fool! That’s a perfect opportunity for us to rob him of everything he has, including his pathetic corporation. I mean, I never liked Maliwan, but if it’s a gift horse… Who am I not to take it on your behalf, right?”

“I appreciate the thought you put into it, but I already have another plan, and it definitely isn’t allying with Katagawa Jr. He’s an obsessed psychopath and I don’t want anything to do with him,” replied Rhys confidently. He shivered even at the possibility of having another Jack-like associate.

“Enlighten me then. What genius idea has your corporate mind produced?”

“First, you have to promise not to yell at me. My head aches and I won’t endure any more than you already being here and talking to me,” said Rhys patiently, already predicting Jack’s reaction to what he intended to share. There was no way to keep it a secret, so he wanted to at least soften the blow.

“Yeah, whatever,” said Jack and yawned.

Rhys braced himself. Discussing this would surely be no easy matter.

“I want to make a deal with Lilith. She helps me defeat maliwans, and I give her something she wants in return.”

There was silence. Then there was a snarl and a nondescript squeal.

“WHAT. THE FUCK. ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! MM, RHYSIE, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN?” Jack appeared standing on Rhys’s table right before him. The sight made Rhys spit out a bunch of his coffee. “You’re joking, right?” Jack squatted down to see Rhys’s face when he spoke. “Out of a-a-all people in these 6 goddamn galaxies you choose her? I see you’ve been a very bad boy in daddy’s absence, completely out of your mind!”

Rhys raised his index finger and burbled, “You told me you won’t yell. I specifically asked you not to yell, Jack.”

“What am I supposed to do then, huh?!” Jack disappeared and in the next second was already standing at the window with his arms crossed, thoughtfully observing the Atlas soldiers running around outside. “I thought you can’t disappoint me more than you already have, but it seems like you always manage to conquer new heights.”

“Look, there’s really no point in talking about this. I’m my own boss now and this is my decision. I was the one to rebuild Atlas from ruins, so I’m sure I’ll be able to take care of it. Please, Jack, I’m tired and sick and I don’t want all this.” Rhys sighed wearily and rubbed a coffee stain on the table with the sleeve of his bathrobe.

“Okay. Okay-okay-okay-okay, hear me out. Just this one time, just once, let me tell you something.” Jack turned to Rhys and Rhys gave him a little nod after considering for a few seconds. It’s not like he really had a choice, he just liked to think he had a firm grip on the situation. “Tell me, do you remember Lilith doing something, anything for the sake of somebody else?”

“Um, yeah, she killed you, actually,” replied Rhys confidently.

“No-no-no, honey, she didn’t do it for somebody, she just wanted to have her revenge on me,” said Jack, stressing what he viewed as essential pieces of information to make sure Rhys REALLY got what he wanted to say. Were he not a hologram, he would probably be shaking with rage as he did it. “She wanted to destroy me, because I destroyed her boyfriend who just wouldn’t let me wipe those bandit asses, which, by the way, included his, off my planet. She couldn’t care less about all those people that died, about Crimson Raiders, about her other “friends”. She is a murderer, just like you, me, like any other person on that goddamn planet. The only difference is that she, unlike us, didn’t have ANY good will.”

Jack’s intense stare made Rhys turn away. AI’s words made him consider what he knew of Lilith, but he felt almost wrong when doing so. He shook his head, trying to scare the thoughts away.

“You just hate her, that’s all. She may not be the best option, but when choosing between her and Maliwan, I believe, the choice is obvious.

“Is it? Is it, though?” asked Jack furiously with his eyes almost bulging out. “Let me tell you one thing. Two things, actually. Despite how surprising it might sound to you, I’m actually happy that she killed me. You know why? Of course, you don’t, otherwise we wouldn’t have this conversation now, dummy. So, I’ll be kind enough to explain. Even after her betrayal, I didn’t finish her off, which means I am better than her. “What is the second thing, Jack?” you might ask. Well, here goes: she is a stinking bandit. A bandit, and the only thing you should do with bandits is kill them, but I’m sure this much you should know by now.” After finishing his rant, Jack exhaled loudly and adjusted his unmoving hair with a swift motion of his hand. To top his speech off, he asked, “Still better than Katagawa?”

Rhys, however, still remained unimpressed.

“Jack, he killed his entire family to become the CEO of Maliwan. I imagine you would think it’s a reasonable thing to do when you want to run the corporation so bad, but I’m sure you know I disagree with that.”

“And what do YOU know about his family?” asked Jack, clearly upset by the lack of expected reaction. “Do you even know anything about the way he runs Maliwan? The only thing I know is that now they are more successful than ever (even though I hate to say it). Use your brains, kid, and you’ll go further than you could’ve hoped. One of these two alliances will bestow endless opportunities upon you while the other one will almost certainly get you stabbed in the back.”

“I hear you. I hear you and I disagree. I’m sorry, Jack,” said Rhys and shook his head apologetically. He was already imagining what would such a start of his day lead to.

“Oh my god, how can you not see that you have more in common with him than a skag and a grinder! He sees something in you, and that something makes him crave for your favor with such persistence. Just imagine how much you can squeeze out of him if you give him the tiniest thing in return. It’s simply a gold mine!”

“He wants us to merge, that’s enough of a reason for me to refuse him,” said Rhys with utter disgust.  

“So what? Don’t worry about that, cupcake, you’ve got me, and I’m here to help. Who says we’re gonna merge?” Noticing how Rhys was shaking his head again, Jack leaned closer, trying to make the atmosphere more… companionable, and continued in a calmer voice.  “Believe me, I know that Atlas is your child and you would never sacrifice it. We’re gonna… adjust the conditions a little, little tiny bit. No merge, only the alliance. How does that sound?”

Rhys thought that Jack was once again confirming what a masterful negotiator he was. No matter what objections Rhys had, he always did his homework and learned his weaknesses. The long-forgotten feeling of a threat sitting right at his side returned to Rhys as he caught himself thinking over the possibility of allying with Maliwan. Don’t budge, Rhys, don’t let him see that you have second thoughts, he’ll eat you alive.

“Completely unachievable,” he was only able to utter.

“Come on, stop screwing around, will you? You’re wasting time with your fidelity to stupid principles. Have I ever given you any bad advice?”

Rhys chose not to say anything. It was as good an answer as any other. The leftover coffee in his mug already went cold and he frowned in disgust when sipping on it.

“Okay then, I’m beginning to grow real tired of this, so you better listen here, you little dipshit, and listen carefully…” Jack’s tone was once again peremptory and his eyes were drilling into Rhys’s soul. “I’m tryna help here, so stop pretending you’re a princess who lives in a tower filled with her little cute ponies and chooses to believe there’s no filth around her. Just do what I say and you’ll be on your road trip to success. And you’ll thank me later, believe me. If you choose not to do this, however, I’ll follow you around all the time, saying what a sore loser you are. All day, all night, Rhysie. You know me, I’m restless, and I can come up with millions of ways to make you hate your life. You won’t sleep, you won’t talk to anybody, you won’t eat your fucking lunch without me standing one centimeter away from your ear, whispering how much you suck. Now let that sink in. Once it has, give me your final answer.”

Jack’s eyes were glowing. His whole body was glowing because he was a hologram, that’s just what holograms do. Yet even though it was his permanent state, an unchangeable condition, his eyes looked different.

He really is serious, thought Rhys to himself. Well then, guess I’m going to die of starvation, sleep deprivation, and lack of human contact.

“Fuck you, Jack. Fuck. You.”

“Is that a yes?”

[localkatshelter]

Okame’s Underbelly - Explanation |5th|

(ShinsoxOC)

Katsumi’s POV (localvillageidiot#0870) and Shinso’s POV (hecker#8339)

Warning: Contains arguing, name-calling, smoking, swearing, slight misuse of quirk, and Denki and Mina supremacy

Preview (Katsumi’s POV):

| “Shinso,” I said, turning to him, “you like poetry too, right?” I said, giving him a small, inviting smile.

“No, not my thing.” he grumbled, not even turning to answer me directly.

I felt my eye twitch. I am trying. So hard. To be nice.

“Oh really? I got the feeling that you might since I think we met briefly at a poetry house once over the summer.” I said pleasantly, clenching my jaw in secret.

“Did we? Well, even if we did, I don’t think I’d remember you.” he said dismissively.

Okay, now you're just trying to piss me off. |

Unknown source for artwork. (Please let me know who’s it is if you know)

1st Chapter - Anticipation

(Katsumi's POV)

The smell of day old frying oil greeted me as I walked into Marley’s to meet up with Mina. She had asked me to grab a quick bite to eat with her before we went to a party that a friend of hers was having. She knew I would never turn down a good time nor would I ever turn down a Marley’s date. I scanned the room to find my favorite tuft of pink hair waving wildly at me. My smile morphed into shock when I saw an equally wild blonde waving at me as well. I hurried over to the table to greet them but when I arrived I saw Edgelord sitting with them as well. His head was stuck in a menu, apparently trying to seem indifferent about my arrival. I felt a strange mix of anger and anxiety rushing out of him, pushing me back towards the door. It irritated me but I decided to ignore it, focusing my attention on those who were happy to see me.

“Denki, hi! I didn’t think I’d see you so soon.”

“Fate must be bringing us together.” he avowed, comically suave.

I laughed. “It must be. Can’t say I mind though.”

I hugged Mina, who had gotten out of the booth when I walked over.

“Why didn’t you tell me you had friends coming too?” I asked.

“I thought you’d like the surprise!” she beamed.

“You know me, the more the merrier!” I said as we settled into our seats. I slid into the booth next to Edgelord, who still hadn’t said anything. I took off my leather jacket and tucked it into my backpack between my legs.

“Hey Shinso.” I said casually.

“Hey.” he replied gruffly.

Well this is going to be an awkward meal. He’s already on my nerves. I don’t get why he’s acting like this. I let him sleep on my couch and he can’t even muster up a decent hello? Is he trying to hurt my feelings? ... Just play nice Kat. He’s Mina’s old friend and Denki’s roommate. You can do this. Just pretend like he’s not being weird, or better yet, pretend like he’s not even there. Don’t let it get to you. I took a mental deep breath and smiled at the two across from me. The three of us chatted for a while about nothing in particular, just a little small talk about this and that. At some point, Mina mentioned something about a high school memory, which reminded me of how they all knew each other.

“Denki, you went to UA too, right? Your quirk must be really cool.” I said.

“Wanna see how it works?” He raised an eyebrow and smiled mischievously.

I looked over at Mina who smiled encouragingly at me, albeit a bit too eager for my liking.

“Uh, sure why not?”

“Give me your hand.”

I complied, placing my hand in his. He took it and flipped it so my palm was up. He dangled his fingers over my hand dramatically, like a magician about to say their magic words.

“Are you ready?”

I nodded, a bit intrigued. He placed a finger in the middle of my palm and activated his quirk, sending a small zap into my skin. A strange noise came out of my mouth when I felt the slight pain and surprise hit me. The noise sent Mina and Denki into a fit of laughter.

“What- what was that noise?” Mina choked out between giggles.

“Shut up, that hurt!”

“I- I’m sorry! It was just too tempting!” Denki wheezed.

I rubbed the slightly tender part of my palm and glared at them.

“Come on, I’ll make it up to you. Let me kiss it better.” He held out his hands to me.

I looked at him skeptically.

“I won't do it again, promise.”

I gave him my hand and he leaned down, placing an electrified kiss on the same spot as before.

“Ow!” I cried as I pulled my hand back.

Mina and Denki bursted out laughing once more, this time joined by a scoff from Shinso.

“How gullible can you be?” Shinso said under his breath.

I shot him a look but before I could say anything back, our food arrived.

We ate and the three of us continued to chat. Mina and Denki told me stories about their time at UA together. It was so cool to hear what the pro heroes that I was covering were like when they were students. I took some pretty good mental notes, not that I would ever use any of the personal information I gathered in any of my posts. That just felt like an invasion of privacy, but it did help me understand the dynamic I captured between certain heroes in my photographs. It always struck me odd how Dynamite and Deku looked when they fought together. Their relationship vexed me but pulled me in at the same time. The same applied to Dynamite and Red Riot. Hearing that one pair had been childhood friends and the other had become super close in their first year at UA shed some new light and perspective on the scenes that I had captured before.

Some of the stories were just outright hilarious too. Denki was an absolute riot and the way he and Mina played off of each other made my mission of ignoring Edgelord’s attitude super easy. He hadn’t said much of anything since our food had come to the table despite Mina and Denki trying to involve him in their storytelling. He just hummed or gave an unenthusiastic “yeah” whenever they asked him something. I didn’t need to use my quirk to feel the irritation and discomfort rolling off of him. If you don’t want to be here, then leave. I couldn’t help but feel like I was the reason he was so annoyed. I walked myself through my memories trying to figure out when exactly I ran over this kid’s cat. I really was nothing but nice. I practically saved his life, not that he knows that, but still! I bared those emotions for him! It took me forever to claw my way out of that depression hole. On top of that, I gave him a place to sleep it off and helped him move all of his shit up the stairs into his room. Why is he getting under my skin this much? Why do I even care? Everything about this is pissing me off.

“So Kat,” Denki said, interrupting my thoughts. “What do you like to do in your free time?”

“I like to take pictures and I write sometimes.” I said, covering my half full mouth.

“Well duh, you’re a photojournalism major. That doesn't count.”

“Umm,” I thought about my response as I swallowed. “Actually, I used to spend a lot of time at some hole-in-the-wall place near campus. I listened to people perform poetry and stuff like that. I went every Friday at one point to listen to a particular person. The stage name was Okame, but once they stopped performing I kind of lost interest” I checked my watch. “If Okame was still performing, I’d probably be getting ready to head over right about now.”

I felt Shinso tense up next to me. His anxiety was tugging at my quirk like toddlers aggressively tug on a parent’s sleeve. Wow, his anxiety just shot through the roof... You good kid? Maybe I should bring him into the conversation? Is that what this is about?

“Shinso,” I said, turning to him, “you like poetry too, right?” I said, giving him a small, inviting smile.

“No, not my thing.” he grumbled, not even turning to answer me directly.

I felt my eye twitch. I am trying. So hard. To be nice.

“Oh really? I got the feeling that you might since I think we met briefly at a poetry house once over the summer.” I said pleasantly, clenching my jaw in secret.

“Did we? Well, even if we did, I don’t think I’d remember you.” he said dismissively.

Okay, now you're just trying to piss me off.

“Oh yeah? Well I definitely remember you. You were outside. If memory serves, you were having a pretty rough go of it.” I turned to fully face him, shooting him a challenging glare.

I knew the irritation showed on my face, but I honestly didn’t care enough to hide my emotions anymore. He met my glare with his own. The message was clear, he wanted me to shut my mouth and drop it. But why should I? He just continued to stare me down, waiting for me to change the subject, but I had a few questions for him. Mina must have seen me ready to blow a gasket because she decided to jump in to defuse the situation.

“Well, what does it matter where you were or what you're into?” she chuckled nervously. “Kat, have you been writing anything interesting lately?”

“Or do you have any of your professional-grade photographs on your phone? I’d really love to see them! I’m sure they’re amazing!” Denki chimed in, following Mina’s lead.

“I’m gonna head out for a smoke.” Shinso said, looking at me to move.

I got up to let him out. I watched him walk out with his hands deep in his pockets. I was drilling holes into the back of his head and I knew he felt it because his frustration was overcoming his anxiety as he reached the door, but I wasn’t done with him yet.

“I’m actually going to take a step out too.”

Mina gave me a look that said Girl what? You don’t smoke. But I ignored it and followed after Shinso.

(Shinso's POV)

God must be playing some cruel joke on me, either that, or I was a shittier boyfriend than I originally thought and this was my sweet karma. I just can't seem to escape that night. I managed to stifle the buzz in my head for the most part but it keeps manifesting itself, or rather infesting, my present. Time for some more shitty coping. I pulled out the pack of cigarettes from my jacket and pulled one out. It was a bit mangled but it was my second to last one. (I imagine his last cigarettes always end up this way bc he always smokes when his mood is erratic so he just manhandles tf out these ciggies)

"It's in poor condition but it'll have to do." I muttered under my breath.

I swiftly placed it between my lips and raised the lighter to it, but the flame was quickly extinguished. Shit, why does it always have to be so windy today? I hovered my other hand over the flame to block the harsh gusts, as I furrowed my brows in concentration. I was failing miserably to light my damn cigarette. I groaned in frustration before two small hands appeared around mine. My hands jerked back, startled, extinguishing the flame immediately. I looked down and realized it was the little brunette. I composed myself with a sigh and went back to trying to light my cigarette, choosing not to pay her any attention.

"Do you want help lighting your cigarette or not?" she questioned, irritated.

I looked down at her, a stubborn expression on her face. Pick your battles, Shinso. I reluctantly leaned down towards her.

“So...” she said after the cigarette was lit. “I mean this in the nicest, most polite way possible, but what the fuck is your problem?” she interrogated.

Her sudden abrasiveness caught me off guard. "Uh...what do you mean?" When did this become an interrogation all of a sudden?

“I mean, why do you treat me like I ran over your cat on your birthday?

Her absurd question also took me aback but I was quicker to adjust this time. "I don't even know who you are?” Why am I lying? Fuck it I already said it, let's go with it.

“Oh really? So that's why you act so out of pocket any time I bring up the night we met when I found you drunk and ugly crying-”

"Okay okay, fine. Just please stop bringing it up." I interrupted hastily. "Jesus fuck." I muttered under my breath. Why does she insist on bringing it up?

“So you do remember?” she asked with mock surprise. I just looked ahead of me hoping that she would run out of steam and drop it.

“Say it.” She demanded, her volume raising this time.

"Yes." I confirmed begrudgingly. Why the fuck does she have to be so loud? She's a pro at being annoying. "But I can't say it, because I genuinely don't remember your name." This was intended to be a slight jab but I was being honest. I probably could remember it if I wasn’t actively trying to forget it.

“Not like Denki and Mina haven’t said it a million times today. It’s Katsumi.”

"Ooooh right. Kat." My voice was just short of being completely monotone.

“Kat...so you do remember. Asshole.” She rolled her eyes. She has no problem insulting me. It kind of amused me but my aggravation overshadowed it.

I shrugged at her. What does it matter anyway? It's not like we're gonna be best friends. We can barely tolerate each other as it is.

“Listen Edgelord, I think you still owe me an explanation. I’ve been nothing but nice to you. So what gives?” she insisted.

"I don't know what you're talking about. This is how I always am." I technically wasn't lying. I tended to rub strangers the wrong way, either that or I was easily forgettable.

“So you're always a total douche?” she challenged, staring me right in my face.

"Funny. Guess so." I said carelessly with a hint of a smirk at her additional loving nickname for me. Wonder what else she'll call me?

“I know you’re not though. You turn sour as soon as I come around and it bothers me. So fess up. What’s your damage?” Her expression twisted into a scowl at the end of her sentence.

That last question irked me a little more than it should've. My damage?

"Hm I don't know, maybe you being a constant reminder of one of the worst days of my life." I stated with a tinge of bitterness at the end of my words.

This seemed to catch her off guard. She took a moment to configure a response. She was either being very careful with her next words or didn't know what to say at all.

“Oh, okay, yeah. That tracks... Well I’m sorry, but I really couldn’t just leave you there.” Her tone was slightly softer than before.

"I know." I admitted reluctantly. "That's what's so frustrating." I muttered, barely audible. What made her care so much about a complete mess of a stranger? Now we're attached by that occurence and it's so embarrassing.

“Frustrating? What’s so frustrating?” She caught part of it.

"Nothing. I just- I hate that you saw me like that. It's fucking weird. I like to deal with shit on my own."

“It’s really okay, Shinso. I didn’t think about it when I saw you. I was just happy to catch up, because we got along really well that night. It wasn't until you started avoiding me like the plague that I started thinking back to remember where things went wrong.”

"Yeah, I get that. But you're always bringing it up so casually like it's the weather or some shit."

“It was the only thing that got any sort of response out of you. What else did you want me to do? Besides, It didn’t make me think of you in any type of way.” she assured me.

"I just don't get why you care." I said more to myself than to her.

She seemed to genuinely consider this for a second.

“Me either, if I’m being honest. You’re so grouchy. I almost never put up with your type. But here we are.” She shrugged and dropped her arms to her side, comically defeated.

That sentiment actually drew a chuckle out of me. It didn't seem like the most appropriate response for the situation so I tried to stifle it as best as I could.

"Yup. Here we are." I confirmed.

“So we’re friends now.” she asserted, sure of it.

"Uh...I didn't say all that." She really is bold. She keeps catching me off guard.

“But I did.” she doubled down on it.

There was a brief stare down, her amber eyes were unwavering on mine. I guess it doesn't mean much. We're just gonna have to play nice when we're around each other from now on.

I shrugged. "Okay cool." I put the cigarette to my lips again only to discover it is nothing but a dying butt now. All that annoying back and forth made me forget about one of my last cigs. "Fuck, really, Kat?" I complained with a hint of playfulness at the very edge of my tone. I'm due for a pack on Sunday so I'll just have to hold out for a day or so. I pulled out the last one and lit effortlessly. Of course now it lights with no problem.

“Blame your own stubbornness. If you had just given me an answer the first time I asked, you could have smoked until your lungs gave out.” she retorted.

There was a moment of silence as I took my first drag. I could see her eyeing my cigarette, with disgust, if I had to guess.

“Gimme one of those.” She pointed to my pocket where the now empty pack was.

I shot a look down at her, my eyebrows raised. I chuckled in surprise. I didn't take her for a smoker with the way she talks about it. I guess she's one of those self-loathing nic addicts. Kinda same. I'm just not as loud about it.

"A little too late, this is the last one." I took another drag, staring mindlessly at the horizon in front of me.

“And?” she insisted as if that was a dumb response.

I gave her another weird look before it registered. Oh...okay.

"Fine." I gave her the cigarette I was smoking.

She grabbed the cigarette, maneuvering it awkwardly in her hand before settling it between her pointer and middle finger, the typical form. She brought it to her mouth and inhaled with a pained expression. She was barely a second in before she began coughing. Yup, she doesn’t actually smoke. Her sad attempt was endearing in an odd way. It was actually kind of cute. What am I thinking? She was intolerable a second ago. Stop that, brain. You’re being weird. Scolding myself inwardly distracted me from the fact that I was laughing at her outwardly. She rolled her eyes in response, annoyed at my amusement.

“Listen, people seem to smoke when they’re stressed and well, you stress me the fuck out so I thought I’d give it a try. Show me how to do it then, since you wanna scoff at me.” She handed the cigarette back to me before crossing her arms. I followed up her request with another chuckle, shaking my head at her.

“Are you sure you wanna be my friend? I’m already teaching you bad habits.” I teased, a smirk pulling at the corner of my lips. But I obliged and raised the cigarette to my lips obnoxiously slow and inhaled. I blew the smoke in her general direction and she swatted it away with a grimace.

“Tada…” I concluded sarcastically.

“Gross...you know what? Nevermind.”

We laughed in unison. It was followed up with a moment of quiet.

“Well, Edgelord, I’ll see you at the party. Try to smile a little when you’re there. It suits you way more than your resting bitch face.”

“I’m starting to think that you don’t remember my name either. Keep it fresh and switch it up once in a while. Try...I don’t know...buzzkill next, or something.” I criticized, a smile in my voice.

She tilted her head to the side as if to say “good idea”, before I put out my cigarette and headed inside with her.

[fencesandfrogs]

cloudtail’s daughter — worldbuilding & logistical things

so i've been working on an au re. dovewing being the direct child of cloudtail and brightheart. check out my cloudtail's daughter tag for more info, because i'm basically just jumping in this time with minimal context.

that said, i think this is relatively self-contained. it's mostly thoughts about the world of warriors, lumped in with specific changes for the au purposes.

[3.8k words, 14 min read. section headers, very long paragraphs. paragraphs in parathesis and italics are sidebars that can be skipped. a lot of spelling mistakes because my grammer checker cuts me off after like 2k words. sorry.]

section one: po3

so i've said before i want to minimize the changes made specifically in po3 for the purposes of this au. a) because that means i only have to keep track of 6 books worth of content (i've given myself through bramblestar's storm to get to the point where it could mostly fit into canon, but for reasons that are obvious re. my dovewing/tigerheart take, tigerheart's shadow would be a little weird, but not out of canon. anyway we don't get any tigerheart pov in this so who knows what he's thinking.)

anyway, hollyleaf plays a significant role in the ending three books of the rewrite, getting her own pov in book 4 the forgotten warrior. so she can't go exactly the same way it happens in po3. i need her back in thunderclan by book 2 for beavers, not book 5. also, she still needs to end up mates with fallen leaves. because changing that would count as a major series change that could have an impact on the future continuity and this series rewrite is intended to be fairly self contained.

right. so hollyleaf has her shit a bit more together, but she still kills ashfur and goes into the tunnels. the difference is we're ignoring the entire hollyleaf's story novella. don't get me wrong, it was a really good novella, but she doesn't have that much time. i'm not interested in figuring out the details of what happens, but she returns to the clans either before book one or in book one, i haven't decided. she continues to see fallen leaves fairly regularly, though, including spending irregular nights with him. everyone just kind of...accepts hollyleaf's ghost boyfriend, because no one wants to upset hollyleaf again.

lionblaze's personality is not entirely nonexistant in po3, contrary to popular opinion, but he does have to support an entire book in this rewrite, and it's the weakest book in the arc, so he's gotta have something. i've nudged him to be a bit gregarious and open. you know, big and friendly and warm. terrifying in battle though.

jayfeather ends on much better terms with brightheart. i know he doesn't really end on a bad note with her, but this is also to help story flow a bit.

other changes will, i'm sure, crop up here and there, but those are the three major ones. i've got tonnes of changes i'd like to make, but i'm keeping it minor. (notably, if it were up to me, jayfeather would do his back in time sequence once, not twice, and it would be in omen of the stars. hollyleaf's ghost boyfriend would add more solid ground to it, and that would be established in book 2, but as i've decreed the rules, it is not up to me.

also, dovekit and jaykit would be siblings, and dovepaw would become the medicine cat dovefeather, and jaypaw would be the warrior jaywing. that's a bigger change though for a different au.)

section two: family dynamics & a bit of genetics

so one thing i really like in omen of the stars is how close dove/ivy/white are. it's really cute. cloudtail and dovekit are super close in the first book, and brightheart, dovekit, and ivykit are going to stay close throughout their lives. (cloudtail will also stay close with his daughters, but dovewing and ivypool consistently look to whitewing for support, and brightheart is good for that too.)

i have whitewing as still existing because age wise, i think it makes sense for brightheart to have her younger litter at dovekit and ivykit, than for them to be her first litter and for amber/dew/snow continue to exist. (in my hypothetical jaywing/dovefeather au, this is reversed.)

i'm not keen on her being close with her younger sisters. i do think, for future story purposes, whitewing and birchfall would have amber/snow/dew. this is a super unimportant change because the only part of that litter that matters is that lilykit is fostered so that lilyheart can then foster twigkit and violetkit, and there's 0 reason that whitewing can't be responsible for that.

(be honest, did you even remember that chain of events? did you even remember who raised lilykit? did you even remember sorreltail was her birth mother who died? yeah, that's what i thought.)

anyway, i've danced around the specific genetics of how we get a grey dovekit from a white cloudtail and a red brightheart, and you may think, "matthew, one paragraph isn't dancing around it," and that's because you have no idea how much i care about this and how much i have to say about this. if you don't want to read 1.3k words about cat genetics, skip to the next section. the last two paragraphs is the only part that's even kind of important.

so. i've put a whole lot of thought into this. because obviously dovekit is responsible for being grey to make the whole bit work about her, you know, being dovekit, and dovekit must be dovekit for dove's gentle wings to work. so this is important.

i'm going to walk through the two options: tortie brightheart and tortie dovewing. (*technically, calico brightheart and either for dovewing, but i'm keeping it brief.)

(an aside that's totally skipable: so there is a gene on the extension locus E/e which causes cats born black to turn to amber, which definitely could be brightheart, but it's pretty rare, so i'm sticking with my calico assumptions. that said, in brightheart's official art, there is a black ring around her nose, implying a very specific silver tabby to amber deal. given her kit coat isn't described anywhere i can find it, i'd say it's actually the best description of brightheart. that said, best description is not the most likely. anyway, if this were the case, i wouldn't need all of this write up. so know that there's an easy solution, but i'm choosing to ignore it because of its rarity and because i don't want to check if brightheart could have inherited the silver genes she would have had to for this to work. it's definitely possible, given that frostfur has the same deal as cloudtail, see below, and lionheart could be golden --- as in the formal word for a cat with certain genes, a color linked to silver, but, well, i just can't find it likely. i'll add a short description of how it would work at the very end of this though.)

in either case, cloudtail is the same, so i'll address him first.

so, cats have four genes on the white allele, Wd, Ws, w, and wg. Wd is dominant white, and it could be what cloudtail has, but since he has blue eyes, it would be likely for him to be deaf, and, because it's dominant, there's a low chance that neither dovekit nor ivykit inherit it. is what i would be saying if whitewing wasn't his first daughter. she is also solid white with blue eyes, so to me, that makes me thing he has Wd- (as in, any other gene.)

the other option, Ws, requires him to be WsWs to be fully white, and brightheart to be either WsWs or Ws- for whitewing to inherit WsWs. given that ambermoon and dewnose are not fully white, it seems that brightheart is Ws- and cloudtails is Wdw (or Wdwg) in order for their theoretical image to be correct.

(an aside of even less importance: ambermoon's father was not cloudtail. the short explanation is that she shares one X chromosome with princess, who was XX --- see my discussion of tortoiseshells below, we know princess wasn't one, so she can't be XXo --- and one with brightheart, who's XXo or XoXo. therefore, ambermoon and princess cannot both have accurate canon descriptions because one of them needs to be a tortie. i think it's more likely she was sired by a red tom. yes, it is possible for kits in the same litter to have different sires, and yes, that is necessary, because no one else has dominant white in thunderclan AFAIK. this means making her birchfall and whitewing's gives a bit more wiggle room in all this. a bit. she could also have the same thing covered on brightheart in the above slide, but that's complicated for other reasons.)

brightheart is almost certainly Wsw or Wswg. they're not both wgwg because that leaves no options for ambermoon, who i'm interpretting as not having any white. cloudtail inherits from princess wg because of birman gloving demonstrating on her white paws (there are other ways, but given her description, which fits it almost identically, i'm going with that.) so for white, we have Wdwg for cloudtail and Wsw for brightheart.

ivypool inherits Wswg so she can have her inconsistent white, and dovewing inherits wwg.

now, we don't know anything about cloudtail's father, except that he's white too (or cloudtail couldn't be white.) princess is light brown tabby, which is something i'm having a hard time deciding her genetics for, so we'll work back to that (neither of the obvious options leads to a cat that looks like princess, because of how tabbies work, the combination is likely not to be obvious anyway) if i decide we need her genetics.

right so for dovewing to be solid grey, two things must be true: cloudtail and brightheart must be either Dd or dd (dilution). brightheart, i don't believe, is dilute, because i've seen cream on cats and it's far closer to sandstorm's color than brightheart, so i'm calling her Dd. cloudtail can be either.

dovewing is dd, and so is ivypool. that's how you get light grey.

now, either cloudtail or brightheart have to have a B- black phenotype. (special case included, if you read the aside) and i think it's more likely to be cloudtail. then, brightheart can be blbl, which is cinnamon, and would help hide her tortie-ness. (we're covering that later.)

at this point, dovewing is more or less settled. if you're comfortable with this type of genetics, you can probably work it out. dovekit inherits B-/dd/wwg, and she's everything we need. the fact that she's not a tabby does kind of matter, but not really, because the nonagouti gene is recessive so even if cloudtail was a masked tabby, he can still be Aa and brighheart can be Aa, so she won't show. that makes dovewing B-/dd/wwg/aa, for those following along at home.

ivypool is a tabby, so she'd be B-/bb/Ws-/A-.

okay, we have the core of them settled down. there's a lot more that goes into types of tabbies, but that doesn't really matter here. the last bit that matters is the tortie issue.

as is a somewhat commonly known fact, tortie cats are almost always female, because the phaeomelanin (red pigment) gene in cats is sex linked to Xo (vs X for eumelanin, the black gene). this is expressed as O/o when discussing the specific gene, but since we only care if its dominant, the XO/Xo distinction is slightly faster to type if X means black and Xo means orange.

anyway, these are codominant, if a cat has two, they'll be expressed at random. that's how tortie cats exist. since for the vast majority of cases, only female cats have two X chromosomes, only female cats can be XXo.

(as an aside, that's another reason for the clans to find sol strange. i know the clans have a lot of male calicos, but sol was the most distinctive one, since redtail died in the prologue and i can't recall any others off the top of my head.)

anyway, dovewing needs to inherit XX to be fully black (grey), so brightheart needs to be tortie to pass on one to her and remain orange. alternatively, brightheart is XoXo and dovewing is a tortie. i'm sticking with brightheart tortie because that's actually how i pictured her, so i like it better, but it doesn't really matter, since the cream on dilute torties is actually rather subtle.

ivypool is the same as dovewing, although she could be a tortie if dovewing isn't and brightheart is, something i quite like the idea of.

now, for option 3, the cryptic option in the aside. basically, to summarize, you can get black cats who turn orange over time. the end result is a cat who looks very much like brightheart if they start silver tabbies (like ivypool could be), up to the black ring around her nose in the official art. that makes it the best way to describe brightheart.

however, it's pretty rare, so i chose to ignore it for my analysis. if brightheart did have this gene, then nothing would change about dovekit and ivykit from their canon descriptions, nor would her's change, except for her apprentice art, which would need to be updated as spreading orange over silver.

this is also the only option that gives us fully red ivykit, something i have decreed adorable.

over 1k words about cat colors later, here's my take: dovewing and ivypool with somewhat mirrored tortie spots (they'll never be perfectly mirrored, both because ivypool has white and because its entirely random) is cute and adds something extra to all of that art where they're mirrored.

i'd rather have straight red brightheart because she's got so much art very clearly not calico, and i'd rather have the two sisters match each other for cinematic drama than change brightheart. the accurate thing to do would be calico brightheart because it could be easily hidden by the right genes on the B locus, but i don't want to do that. so. i hope this was illustrative.

section three: clan culture

this here has no impact on plot but i've read a lot of worldbuilding stuff developing distinct cultures for the clans and honestly, that's why i'm so sad book 6 takes place with two shadowclan narrators. unfortunately, dovewing and ivypool are, like, crucial to the success of the clan cats, so they need to be there.

that said, were i to write this, i would certain write novellas for lionblaze and jayfeather.

anyway, i'm going to take what we've come to see as "standard clan culture" as thunderclan culture. they have a good deal of contact not with twolegs but with kittypets (compared to the opposite for riverclan) in the old terretory, so it makes sense they developed a more rigid, militeristic life, less free and less spiritual than the other clans necessarily. they're trying to be tough in front of the kittypets.

riverclan is just kinda...chill. they like flowers and shiny things. they copy twolegs because its fun (cats irl do this because they want to be like you --- being like you seems safe to them, but these kitties do it because its fun.)

so they make, not flower crowns because, no thumbs, but certainly weave flowers into den walls and leave petals places. (to everyone who keeps putting things on cats heads, please try doing that with the most patient domestic cat you know, and then i'll let you quietly correct yourself. i mean, continue doing it for fun, but if you seriously think that's possible...)

i do like the idea of them making wreathes its just, like, no opposable thumbs guys. maybe the medicine cats do it for religious holidays.

anyway, they have patrols far less regularly than thunderclan. they're also the most true to real cat schedules: most active at dawn and dusk. that's when fish are active.

so they're not lazy, sleeping all day, they get up earlier than all but the earliest risers in thunderclan and shadowclan. (windclan wakes up early too, we're getting to them.)

they also make shrines, but they don't really have a ton of weight to them. they're copying what they see.

when cats die, however, the trinkets lining their nests are dispersed to their loved ones, and one or two are added to a collective pile/arrangement somewhere. riverclan has been pretty clear their nests float (although i can't tell you why, considering they just evacuate when that happens and have to rebuild), so the most useful thin i can think of is to preserve the trinkets.

they also are one of the two clans to celebrate proper holidays. there's not a good sense of order to them, but when a celebration is needed, a celebration is had.

that said, unlike thunderclan, the warrior vigil does remain strong in riverclan. this is because twolegs are far more common in their territory, and so learning to be quiet when necessary is important, and the vigil reinforces that. riverclan cats are also really good at sitting still: you have to, to be able to catch fish.

shadowclan is pretty serious, but unlike thunderclan, they're serious about religion. being a medicine cat in shadowclan is a pretty serious deal. they tend to die young. (i'm stealing this mostly/entirely from warrior cats redux because i can't get it out of my head.)

they retain bringing apprentices to the moonpool in the new territory. it was always an important deal for them, whereas in thunderclan it's kind of like "oh yeah make sure that happens," like a mastery project in high school or a first year seminar in university.

they also care a lot about their ancestors. i believe blackstar is the one who called the names of the fallen during every gathering? yeah. that's because remembering the dead is really important in shadowclan.

they've got a lot of nursery tales about ghosts who grew vengeful once their names were forgotten, fading from starclan but not allowed to fully die. so. when everyone dies real fast like that, carving their names into everyone's memory is super important.

(if it wasn't blackstar who did that it is in this au.)

anyway, they've got a good amount of order to their life, like thunderclan, and the camp is also a lot quieter. in thunderclan, kits are under a good amount of danger from badgers and foxes and hawks, oh my!, but pine forests are a bit safer, since foxes are the only serious predetor.

i mean, it's complicated, and i can't really figure out what biome to base this analysis on, but i'm sticking with "foxes are all shadowclan really has to worry about" because it works for me. so shadowclan kits are allowed (suprivised) out of camp much earlier.

i know this contradicts tigerheart's shadow, and my choice was either "shadowclan: militant about protecting kits" or "shadowclan: dgaf" and i'm going with "after brokenstar, they did get real protective of their kits, which is when tigerkit was born and raised, but over time, they've relaxed back to their natural state of chill"

anyway, they're probably the most similar to thunderclan, but dovewing vibes there so much better because there's a real sense of order for purpose, not just because. so there's less shouting about who is going on patrol and who's hunting. the dawn patrol is leaving because if you're up at dawn, you need to secure the territory. etc.

and while she's part of a prophecy, shadowclan revers the prophecy itself, not dovewing. dovewing is not special for being a part of it, she's just doing her role for clan life. her role happens to be different than the usual, but so what? she's just a cat.'

also, they have holidays. namely, the new moon is a big celebration night, but they also celebrate the seasons, and new life. this is part of why tigerheart gets so homesick: even dovewing, his wife, doesn't share this part of life with him, and he misses it.

finally, windclan. i don't know honestly what to do with them. they're supposed to be the most spiritual but that's not reflected in how they're written, even in like tallstar's revenge, so i don't know. i think they're the calm riverclan crossed with the more focused on protocol of clan life thunderclan.

they rise early because rabbits, and their hunting patrols are smaller and less organized. based on the books, they just run full wild after rabbits most of the time, which means they scare off the other ones for a while, so it makes sense to have a mentor and apprentice go out every hour or so during the waking day to grab a bunny or bird than for a bunch of cats to feed the clan for a day.

they do have a lot of respect for medicine cats and leaders. starclan isn't seen as something the average cat has any connection at all with. i have a hard time keeping track of who complains about what in the broken code and avos, but i feel like windclan gets angry at some point about shadowsight's visiosn.

anyway, so a cat like jayfeather is like "oh he real cool" and that's fun for jayfeather. everyone expects great things from him. because, you know, medicine cat and in a prophecy? can you imagine i mean shame he came to be via crowfeather and leafpool but you'd be a fool not to admit he's a credit to his parent's names.

they're also pretty proud. and private. very private. no one knows at all what goes on in windclan. i'd not put it past them to have a secondary camp to move to if they get uncomfortable with so many people knowing where their camp is.

i mean, how else do you explain them keeping the tunnlers secret for so long? i mean, like completely secret, no one else knew about them secret, we found out about them in a super edition secret for so long?

section four: medicine cat shit

this is a short section, but i want there to be the idea, especially in shadowclan and windclan, that medicine cats are really important to the integrity of a clan, so they need to be spiritually pure. this doesn't mean they can't have been warriors, but they can't break the code.

that's why thunderclan and riverclan medicine cats share herbs so much more than the others: if windclan and shadowclan leadrs say no, medicine cats are risking a lot by disobeying.

this is also part of why leafpool steps down when the truth comes out. what she did is bad enough, but it will be far worse for crowfeather if she doesn't step down, and shadowclan and windclan will come for her head.

nightcloud and breezepelt are also angry because not only did crowfeather have kits out of clan, but it was with a medicine cat. that's like having sex out of wedlock with a nun.

and that's pretty much all i have for this. most of it was taken up by cat genetics, because integrity matters to me.

[stubbornness-and-spite]

the ink on our skin and the blood in our hearts (are intertwined): Chapter 3

first chapter | previous chapter | next chapter

read on AO3

Fandom: HSMTMTS

Notes: We're moving into non-canon territory so there will be fewer time skips between scenes. However, there will be more places where the same situation is told by different characters. (ie. a scene is told from one perspective and when the next perspective is introduced, the scene jumps back a few minutes) I think the POV switches and scene retellings are clear, but let me know if any are confusing. (I forgot to add chapter titles on tumblr because they’re not super important, but I’m adding them now.)

Warnings: swearing, blood mention

Word Count: 1302

Chapter Summary: the musical is over. unfortunately, that means it's time to actually process revelations and emotions

Story continues under the cut. Reblogs are greatly appreciated!

~

second chance, gotta grab it and go

EJ POV

For everything that went wrong, the musical was… good. EJ didn’t think he’d ever thoroughly enjoyed a performance that hadn’t been nearly flawless before and even then, he kicked himself for the fact that it wasn’t actually flawless.

He sat in the green room and looked over the mess of makeup and costumes. They’d come back to strike later, but for now, the room existed in the timeless void that was a show.

“EJ,” called a voice from the door. “You joining us? We’re heading to Denny’s and then my house. A few people are planning to stay the night.”

EJ lifted a hand and waved Ashlynn off. “I’ll catch up. Text me when you leave Denny’s if I’m not there yet and I’ll meet you at your house.” Ashlynn didn’t respond. “Ash?” EJ turned around. “What’s up?”

“What’s on your hand?” Ashlynn asked quietly. EJ looked down at his hand as Ashlynn made her way over. There was a small heart that looked like it was underlined.

“I thought you weren’t going to use your soulmate bond,” Ashlynn said, grabbing his hand roughly and looking it over.

“I’m not,” EJ hissed. “That wasn’t me. I didn’t even know it was there.”

“EJ,” Ashlynn scolded, pushing up his sleeve and flipping his hand around to examine his arm. “That looks like someone testing a bond! Did you talk to Ricky?”

“Not about this!”  

EJ yelped and yanked his hand back. He jerked his sleeve back down over his wrist. “I definitely didn’t talk to him about this! Last I saw, it looked like he and Nini were going to get back together!”

“You have to talk to him,” Ashlynn said, leaving no room for discussion.

“Absolutely not,” EJ snapped. “I don’t have a soulmate, Ash!”

“Sorry.” Big Red leaned in the door. “Didn’t mean to interrupt, I was just looking for Ashlynn.”

EJ dropped his face into his palms. “How much of that did you hear?”

“You should talk to Ricky and you don’t have a soulmate,” Big Red replied quickly. “I don’t have to read into that if you don’t want me to.”

“Soulmates suck,” EJ groaned. “Why can’t we just be happy? Why should happy people break up because their skin doesn’t share ink? Why should people force themselves to be with people they don’t love because someone decided before they were born that they were supposed to be perfect together?”

“Yeah, man,” Big Red agreed. “My parents aren’t soulmates and they’re one of the sappiest couples I know. On the other hand, my uncles are soulmates and they definitely rival my parents for sappiest couple. Family gatherings are fun.” EJ dropped his hands and sat up to look at Big Red.

EJ blinked at him in confusion. “I’ve never had someone agree with me about soulmates before.”

“Huh,” Big Red mused. “Maybe you should talk to Ricky, then. He used to be totally on the soulmate train because of his parents, but they’re divorcing so he’s having a bit of a ‘come to Jesus’ moment.”

“I’m not talking to Ricky fucking Bowen about soulmates,” EJ snarled.

“Okay,” Big Red replied with a shrug. “Wanna talk to my parents? They’re insisting on driving me to Denny’s if I’m planning on spending the night at Ashlynn’s with everyone else because they want to congratulate me, but they’re always down for teaching kids to fuck the system.”

“Yeah,” EJ said, surprising himself. “I would like that.”

“Cool,” Big Red chirped. “I’ll meet you out front.”

Ashlynn cleared her throat. “Weren’t you driving me to Denny’s?” she asked pointedly.

“Was that why you didn’t want to leave without me?” EJ asked. “I knew I was forgetting something.” He tossed her his keys. “Here. Don’t wreck my car.”

Ashlynn stared at him. “EJ, are you okay? You’ve never let me drive your car without you there to backseat drive.”

“I’m fine!” EJ insisted. “I’ll meet you at Denny’s!”

~

EJ felt suddenly out of place and a bit like a little kid as he met Big Red and his parents outside of the school and followed them to their car.

“I’m EJ,” he said abruptly. “Caswell.”

“Big Red’s mentioned,” Big Red’s mom said kindly. “Call me Amy, sweetheart.”

“I’m Papa Red to any friends of Big Red!” Big Red’s dad declared.

“Dad,” Big Red groaned. “Don’t be weird.” He looked at EJ. “Sorry about them, but you said yes when I asked.”

“Kiddo,” Amy asked, ruffling Big Red's hair. “Was there a reason you wanted EJ to get a ride with us or did he just need a ride?”

“Oh!” Big Red smacked his forehead. “EJ’s anti-soulmate.”

“Oh?” Big Red’s parents said in unison.

“Yeah?” EJ said a bit hesitantly. He rubbed at the back of his neck. “Some people’s share marks on their skin. It doesn’t mean they’re perfect for each other.”

“That’s what I always say!” Big Red’s dad thundered. “My soulmate is my best friend, but I could never imagine marrying her! I love my wife far too much for that!”

“I’m friends with my soulmate too,” Amy said. “We tried a romantic relationship, but it was so tense. She’s a better friend than she was a girlfriend and I think I am too. Some people are platonic soulmates and some people just don’t fit with their soulmates. Not every set of connected people are meant to stay in each other’s lives.”

“My parents are soulmates,” EJ admitted, running a hand through his hair. He scoffed. “They spend more time avoiding each other than they do anything else. They don’t usually show up to my shows or games because they’re worried the other might be there.”

“Do you want us to go to your water polo games?” Big Red blurted out. “Like, the drama kids. Because we totally would.” EJ's head turned on a swivel to look at Big Red. He blinked blankly a few times before his lips twitched upwards and he shook his head.

“I don’t really care anymore,” EJ said. “I used to, but I don’t anymore. It’s just to look good on college applications at this point.”

“We’re going to your next game,” Big Red decided. “You can text me your game schedule or I can get it from Ashlynn, but then I’ll have to explain to her why I want it.”

“I’ll send it to you tomorrow, okay?” EJ said, feigning exasperation and rolling his eyes. He sighed and changed the subject. “I know who my soulmate is. He doesn’t, but he’s dating someone else and he’s happy. I’m not being an asshole by not telling him, right?”

“Does he care about soulmates?” Big Red’s dad asked. “Your boy.”

EJ shrugged. “I think he did, but not anymore.”

“Do you think he would want to know?” Amy asked.

“Maybe,” EJ admitted. “But I’m pretty sure he can’t hate me any more than he already does, so what does it matter.”

“Don’t tell him,” Big Red said quietly. “He’ll freak out. He’s confused about soulmates right now and he’ll think he’s obligated to date you even if neither of you want it. Because he doesn’t hate you. He doesn’t love you either, but he cares about you and Ricky’s way too self-sacrificial when it comes to people he cares about. He’ll make you both miserable.”

"Self-sacrificial?" EJ asked with raised eyebrows. "Ricky fucking Bowen?"

Big Red laughed. "I didn't say he did it well," he protested. "But that audition was supposed to show that he was willing to be vulnerable in front of a crowd and show an interest in what Nini cares about. Ended up embarrassing you and Nini more than him, but the thought was there."

EJ winced and nodded. "Which is why you think he'd try to date me if we were soulmates."

"If he knew you were soulmates," Big Red corrected.

EJ protested, “I didn’t say my soulmate was Ricky.”

“Right. It's totally not too late to backtrack now." Big Red rolled his eyes. "And Ricky just happened to have a bond mark on his lip right after he smacked you in the face with a basketball.”

“So he doesn’t know?” EJ asked, turning back to what Big Red had said before EJ had tried to deny that Ricky was his soulmate.

“No,” Big Red confirmed. “He doesn’t. I suggest you keep it that way unless you want to actually be there for him. He’s had enough people who should have stuck with him leave him behind. Don’t be another one.”

“Okay.” EJ nodded, not making eye contact with anyone.

“Honey,” Amy cut in. “You can tell him if you want to. It’s your bond too.”

“I don’t want to,” EJ stressed. He blew out a long breath. “I just don’t want to make things worse by not telling him.”

“You do what’s right for you,” Big Red’s dad said. “It’s your bond and your life. There’s nothing you’re ‘supposed to’ do with it.”

“Also, we’re here,” Amy added. “Are you good to head in, hon?”

“Yeah,” EJ said. “Thank you.” He hopped out of the car and headed towards Denny’s, catching Ashlynn’s eye and waving as he opened the door.

~

taglist - let me know if you want to be added or removed!

@after-nine-at-the-oasis @tibsaugusto

[gaulemtypefemale-dm-l-016]

3d, 5d and 5n? :)

3d. Rank the endings (for one game of your choice or the true endings of the 3 games)

In terms of all games, I think I would rank 999 ending > VLR ending > ZTD ending.

However, each one of them gave me a different experience so I really enjoy them as a whole package. For example, when I finished VLR, I felt I needed more. The experience had been so intense that I wanted to play ZTD right away. On the other hand, ZTD's true ending made me feel very introspective, even if the writting felt lacking sometimes.

I ranked 999's ending higher because I feel like 999, in general, felt more concise and it had my favourite cast. I loved the epilogue and how the game could simply end there and not even have a sequel. It felt like a complete game by itself. Of course I was a bit desperate with the situation between Akane and Junpei, and how they ended up in separate ways, but it felt fitting.

As for VLR I really enjoyed the plot twist. I felt the true ending was a bit too long, like a never ending ride, but, despite the confusion, I enjoyed the general explanation of it. I also enjoyed the sad tone of the story, and I absolutely loved some of the reflections from the another time (even if not considered as canon).

However, the game asked for more.

And there's where ZTD enters. I had some problems getting used to the cinematics of the game and the characters, and, at the time I played, some things felt weird, like how suddenly it seemed so simple to just shift. As for the ending, I really like how it was put as a moral dilemma, a ZERO TIME DILEMMA, in fact, the situation of shifting (not sure if to think that the shifting until then had been made too easy, or it was purposedly used so that only later they had to face the fact that they doomed their other selves). The ending made me think a lot about how, despite them being alive at the end, despite this seemingly good turn of events, it still felt all like a gamble, as the begining of the game. In the end we didnt' even know the identity of the terrorist, and they still doomed their first ending iteration, for their last iteration (which has the trauma from playing the decision game).

Delta's character is generally a source of memes due to his quotes, but his words still left some marks. His whole plan was convoluted. It's almost like the second nonary game, but here the multiple timelines had to happen in order for this future to come true, and for him and Phi to exist.

I also love the ending theme and it plays very well, complementing this interminable dilemma mood the characters live through. I also love how, in the end, we can interpret Delta as a character portraying the player: "One of Delta's motivations for creating the Decision Game: he can't shift himself, but can read the minds of those who experienced other timelines, and was interested in learning about them. Given that Delta is technically the Player Character, this is probably a meta-narrative commentary on player curiosity" (taken from ZTD TV tropes).

So in the end this was all to say that, despite liking 999's ending better for how solid it seemed to me, the other games' endings also deserve a lot of credit for their worth.

(I didn't know the ranking was for the endings of all games or one in specific so I went with this, but I may try to rank for a specific game later).

5d. Do you consider Another Time to be canon? If so, do you have any theories on ?'s identity

I think at the time I finished ZTD I found that Another Time was not considered canon. Nevertheless I really liked its contents so I like to pick elements from it and incorporate in canon. One of my favourite part of it is Tenmyouji’s thoughts on this plan of jumping to the past and change it. The bikers’ story is one of my favourites there and I felt it was a message about how, despite losing Akane, he found Quark along his journey in this doomed timeline, and how, even if their plan works, this timeline still exists. There is also a possibility that the transporter was hinted with Alice and Clover’s conversation, but not sure if that was the alternative or not.

About ?’s identity, I think my favourite take is the player. Because the player is an irregular identity in the game. To get the Another Time, the player has to achieve certain goals, such as collecting the golden files. The player can play with timelines as much as they want since they can jump through the flowchart freely and they even command Sigma’s action through the game (which can explain the way sometimes he was surprised with his vote during the Nonary Game). And I believe it refers to the player coming from the true ending of ZTD, but this is merely speculation...

Since Delta could be meta commentary about the player, I also liked to think he could be involved in this, but since he can’t shift , it’s much improbable. However I like how there is a link with how the end of ZTD is Carlos pointing the gun at him, which represents a situation of danger that could trigger a shift.

Other than this, I think I haven’t thought much about it. I may have read some theories some time ago, but I don’t remember them now...

5n. Do you have any fanart/fanfic/fangame recommendations?

Fanart is probably what I consume the most. I really love @/keycrash’s works, @/kisschasey’s portraits of Snake, @/caelytrix, the way @/aestheticcannibal portrays Kyle and Dio, @/i0n4 and much more artists. I always try to reblog the amazing works I find from the fandom and sorry for not listing more, nor any work in specific.

Twitter is also a very good media to find a lot of good ZE fanarts. Not all of them are tagged, but generally searching the ZeroEscape tag allows you to find very cool works, along with other tweets and memes.

Now, on fanfiction I can’t really give much recommendations because I haven’t read many. I mainly read some from Zecret Santa event. I remember enjoying the one I got about Tenmyouji and Quark because I really love their wholesome relationship. Link here

There’s also one I once started to read but didn’t finish due to lack of time, but which was VLR’s story told from Phi’s POV and I found the idea extremely interesting although I still haven’t read it. It’s pretty long too. Link here

Now for an idea which concept I feel it’s funny and interesting: I once found one that was a Nonary game in the IKEA. I actually haven’t read it but at the time I thought it was a really funny idea. Link here

I’ve only read the first recommendation, but thought I should leave the other two, as they seem interesting and funny.

Sorry for the long post and the delay in replying. I also apologize for any mistake I made. I’m a bit tired but I really wanted to finish this post.

And thank you for the asks. I really enjoyed the question about Another Time and, although I’m pretty bad at ranking things, I like discussing and going through the games’ content again.

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 44

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his -4.5k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

READ AM CONVERSATIONS AGAIN ON WATTPAD HERE

- notes: okayyy so here it is. time passes quicker, and youll see itll be like that in the last few chapters too. i hope you like this one, i hope youll like the last few chapters. im a bit nervous so i hope it’s not too bad! oh yea and i used a manip someone made on instagram, just thought it was cool haha!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : some requests i used here but ill only post them in the next chapter because i don’t want to spoil anything!

TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE

Chapter 44 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

August 9th, 2018

That was it. We were done with an other season and I couldn't believe what we accomplished. What I accomplished. We had filmed the last scene two days ago, right on time for me to go see Niall perform in LA two nights in a row and the party organised to celebrate the end of this season was scheduled on the first night of his week off.  Everything seemed to fit perfectly together and I was happy. I was genuinely and truly happy.

"Did I tell you how much I missed you?" I heard my boyfriend whisper near my ear as he wrapped his arms around me from behind, making a shiver cross my whole body.

"Mm yes, about a million times in the past 3 days." I replied with a chuckle, tilting my head as he pressed his lips gently on my neck.

I had missed him so much too. We had spent over a month apart and just like I expected, we were even stronger than we were before and that said a lot. We had talked every single day on facetime but it was never the same than to be able to smell him, feel him, taste him... just seeing him face to face was different than on a screen and I had no idea how i'd be able to spend an other 5 weeks separated from him.

"Okay then, did I tell you how good you look tonight?"

I laughed again and turned around in his arms, tilting my chin up to look in his eyes. We were a bit farther from the others, slightly hiding by a part of the wall, and i licked my lips, hoping no one was paying attention to us.

"I'm literally wearing an old pair of jeans that shows how big my ass is and a plain t-shirt." I pointed out. "But thank you."

As if it was a suitable answer, his hands slid from my back to my butt and he squeezed it, making me laugh again.

"I love your ass."

"And in public too?" I asked with an amused smile, my eyebrows raised. "Are you drunk?"

He chuckled and bent down to kiss my lips and i let him, feeling his warm mouth move gently and slowly against mine. No matter how many times we kissed, it always felt amazing, and no one else tasted that good.

"We should go back to the others." I pointed out in a low voice. "They're gonna start wondering where we are."

"Mm, I don't care." he whispered against my lips, making me chuckle low.

"Come on." I just replied, finally taking a step back and tilting my head on the side. "We can cuddle tonight."

We walked back in the room hand in hand and I noticed Dylan looking at us. He sent me a small smile that I answered as I tried to ignore Heidi, sitting next to him. They had been dating for longer than I thought they would and I was wondering if he still thought everything he had told me about her the last time we discussed it. I really thought it was a good thing for him to be with someone else, I just thought it sucked that she was the one he had picked. Still, it was none of my business and I couldn't stop him from inviting her to this party. After all, it was his tv show too, and I owed him a lot. I was well aware that it was more popular because he was the male lead and I knew how lucky I was to act with him.

As soon as we sat down, Heidi and Dylan got up but she left to the other side of the room and he walked to us, sitting in front of my boyfriend. I didn't know if this was about to be awkward but before we could say anything, I heard my phone and frowned. I grabbed it quickly and excused myself, knowing it was even more awkward that I left my boyfriend and my ex boyfriend together.

"Hey Louis, you're calling at a very weird moment." I just said with a smile.

"That's me specialty, love." he let out as a joke, making me chuckle. "You mom tried to call you apparently, but she couldn't reach you so she called my phone. Sweet sweet lady with an incredibly strong accent. It always surprises me."

I rolled my eyes but a smile still drew itself on my lips. "What did she want?"

"She said it was not urgent but she wanted to talk to you, make sure you're not dead or something."

I raised my nose up. "Don't joke with that."

"Sorry love, I didn't mean to bring back... that memory." he apologized after a few seconds of silence. "She doesn't know though, does she?"

"No, only you, me, Niall, and I'm guessing El?"

"Olivia, I didn't tell that to anyone, not even El." Louis admitted, making me smile fondly. "This is no one's business but yours. I promise to keep that secret forever."

"Thank you, Lou." I whispered before swallowing.

I hated to remember that moment of weakness I had, even if I knew it was part of why I was who and where I was today. I really had to hit rock bottom to kick myself up and finally breathe again. If my relationship with Niall was so strong now, it was partly because I had worked on myself and although I knew I still had work to do, I was stronger than I used to be when I first dated Niall. Of course, swallowing all the pills I could find was not my smartest or strongest moment but I was trying to forgive myself.

"Oh you want to hug me right now don't you?" Louis joked, making me laugh through my tears. "I know you!"

I laughed and wipe my eyes quickly before licking my lips. "Yea, I drank a bit too so it doesn't help. I'll text you soon, Lou."

"You better. Love you, queen."

I smiled fondly at the nickname and closed my eyes. "Love you too."

I hung up and texted my mom quickly before going back to the table. Dylan was now sitting next to Niall and it made me frown. I knew they were both a bit tipsy and I didn't want anything bad to happen between them. Gladly, I knew Niall was not into confrontation and Dylan was quite laid-back too. Plus, he was probably over me by then and if they could just accept each other's company, it would be enough for me. I didn't expect them to become close friends, of course, but It would be nice if it wasn't awkward between them anymore.

"Oh and that small.. whimper or whisper she makes when you slip your hand in her panties." I heard Niall comment before Dylan chuckled.

"Right." he agreed, shaking his head gently. "And she's always so ready too."

A tiny part of me wanted to stay and listen to what they were going to say but the part of me that was angry was definitely bigger. I took a step closer but held my breath when Dylan started talking again.

"Let's say it's different than Heidi."

"No man, I ain't going there." Niall laughed while shaking his head before taking a sip of his beer.

"No, I mean, Heidi is very sexy but it's that... that connection, you know?" I frowned and my lips parted when Niall laughed again.

"I don't want to hear about the 'connection' you had with my girlfriend, O'Brien." he pointed out, turning his almost empty beer with his fingers.

"No yea, I know. I just mean that... it's different when you love someone."

"Are you two really comparing how Heidi and I are in bed?"

Both of them jumped so high I thought they were about to fall off their chairs. I wanted to look at their reaction but I decided to focus on my boyfriend and when he turned around, his face changed and I could read fear in his eyes. I crossed my arms on my chest and shook my head, licking my lips.

"That's fucking disgusting. I don't deserve that, and Heidi doesn't either."

This time, I read surprise in Niall's eyes and glanced at Dylan who seemed as shocked as my boyfriend. Oh I still didn't like Heidi, but that didn't mean it was okay for them to discuss about how she was in bed.

"Just because both of you had the chance to fuck us both doesn't give you the right to share gossips about us." I pressed my lips together, trying to keep my anger inside and breathed in deeply. "That's fucking wrong."

I turned on my heels and left before I stopped and turned around again to look at them. "I'm mad at you both, by the way, if that wasn't clear enough."

I walked quickly to my dressing room and closed the door before holding myself against the counter, closing my eyes. I was torn between being mad that they could easily talk about me like that and being relieved that they could actually talk to each other without it being awkward. After a few minutes, I heard a knock at the door and thinking it was probably one of them, I swung the door open but my face changed when I noticed my assistant. My lips curled and I raised my eyebrows a bit surprised.

"You left quickly, are you okay?" she asked, concern written all over her face.

I made a quick head movement to incite her to walk in and closed the door behind her before we both sat down, her on the couch and me on a chair. Tinka was fairly new since my old assistant had to leave due to a pregnancy and we immediately bounded. She was gorgeous and I had to admit I was a bit jealous of her, not only for her looks but also for the way she attracted people easily and all that charisma she had probably inherited at birth, but at the same time, I felt connected to her too and I could never hate her.

"Okay so, I wanted to show you something. I mean at first I was not sure if I should, because I shouldn't have filmed it in first place, but..." she blabbed nervously before shaking her head. "I'll just show you."

She took her phone and clicked on a few things before handing it to me. I frowned, taking it cautiously before noticing she was showing me a video. I clicked on play and my eyes got bigger when I noticed Niall, sitting at the cafeteria as Heidi sat down in front of him. The first part of the conversation was hard to hear but Niall seemed confused and when she handed him a sheet of paper, I frowned again. He stared at what was written on it and finally, she put her hand on top of his and I felt my heart jump high in my throat. The second part of the conversation though, I heard it very clearly.

“You’re right. We should get back together, Niall.” Heidi said with a soft voice. “I mean, I know you’re trying to make me jealous with her but let’s be real. Who could really be jealous of her?"

This time, my heart sank in my chest and I swallowed hard. I was worth more than Heidi gave me credits for, I knew it now, but I also knew she would never see it. Perhaps, she was too busy trying to win Niall back.

“Do you even listen to yourself? You know damn well I’m with Liv and.. aren’t you with Dylan? I love her, okay! I’m not trying to make anyone jealous, I’m just trying to love her the way she deserves to be loved… the way I failed to love her the first time. And you have nothing to do with any of this. What even makes you think I want to be with you?"

I bit my bottom lip, breathing in deeply again and trying to suppress a small smile of relief when I heard my boyfriend's words. The fact that he admitted that he failed to love me right the first time made something stir in my stomach. I knew that failed relationship was not just on him, but it was nice to hear him admit that, especially to someone else.

“Because of that song! You wrote it for me and put it in one of my boxes for me to find!” she argued with him.

I saw Niall roll his eyes and his next words were as harsh as the tone he had used.

“I wrote this about Olivia! I wrote that in the first week I saw her again at the bakery after not seeing her for over a year. It isn’t about you, Heidi. It got in one of your boxes by mistake!” he let out rudely. “I love Olivia, not you. You need to let it go, okay? And those instagram posts you make.. For fuck’s sake, Heidi! What’s the point? Make me feel bad? Alright, I’m sorry I cheated on you, I should have broken up with you before and that was a mistake, okay? Now please, leave me the fuck alone.”

The video stopped but I still stared at the screen, lost in my thoughts, until Tinka talked again.

"I don't know why i recorded this, and I know I shouldn't have, I'm sorry." she apologized again. "But it was recorded anyway so I mean, why not show it to you?"

I just stared at the thumbnail of the video again before clicking on the 'delete' button and when it asked me if I was sure, I clicked on 'yes' without hesitation.

"Thanks, Tinka. I deleted it." I finally said, looking up at her before she nodded. "But thank you for showing me. Just... don't do that again, please. Niall and I we're both very... private."

I handed her her phone back just as an other knock was heard at the door. We both got up and I opened the door as she walked past Niall. He nodded at her and finally turned back to me, his hands in his pockets. I couldn't help but tilt my head, glancing down at him, telling myself once again how good he looked. I also couldn't stop thinking about the way he had told Heidi he loved me and it made me want to hug him.

"Olivia, I'm.. so sorry."

I crossed my arms over my chest and raised my eyebrows, expecting more than just a simple apology.

"You're right. It was so wrong, and we shouldn't have." he added, making me lick my lips. "We were literally trying to find something to talk about, and it was so awkward... the only thing we really have in common is you. But we shouldn't have."

I let my shoulders fall and sighed, raising my nose up in a grimace. "So I really make some sort of whimper when you slip your hand in my panties?"

He chuckled and took one of his hands out of his pocket to pass it in his hair. "Yea, you do. But I'm slightly jealous knowing you also whimper like that when he did it. I thought I was special."

"Oh, poor little boy thought he was special." I joked, making him grimace too. "Come here."

I grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him inside before closing the door behind him. He was close to me, so close I could feel the warmth of his body close to mine, and when my ass met the counter, I smiled more. He chuckled as he stared down in my eyes and shook his head slightly.

"Do you forgive me?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Mm, maybe."

I felt his hand slip in my jeans and panties and my eyes fluttered slightly as my lips parted as I let lout a whimper despite myself.

"And now?" he asked, clearly amused by the effect he had on me.

"I'll tell you in a few minutes." I whispered, tilting my chin up to look at him better.

I felt two of his fingers brush gently on my clit before he slipped them inside me. I moved one of my legs up on the counter and he moved closer to me, bending down slightly until his lips were only a few inches away from mine.

"You're all mine, yea?" he whispered, making me bite my bottom lip. "Say it."

"Mm, I'm all yours Niall." I breathed out, blinking a few times. "I belong to you."

"Fuck yes you do."

He started fingering me quickly, making sure his palm was rubbing against my clit and when I felt an orgasm spread all over my body, I let my head fall back and shook slightly as he pressed his mouth against mine. I could feel his lips curl as I came and I finally got down from my high, whimpering low and wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Okay, I forgive you." I whispered, kissing him deeply for a few seconds before moving my head slightly back. "Do you think that's how Dylan will want to be forgiven too?"

I laughed lightly at the face he made and I heard him groan low. "I'll kill him."

I shook my head a bit and my amused smile turned into a fond one. "You know, I never ever moaned his name." I admitted, licking my lips. "I only do that with you."

He looked happy with my confession but he still raised his eyebrows. "Why?"

"Because... I was always scared I'd moan your name instead."

His face changed and somehow, I could read love in his eyes and it made me swallow hard. He remained silent and my lips parted again.

"I've never stopped loving you, Niall." I murmured. "I told you."

"Guess what, Olivia?" he let out in a soft tone, his eyes roaming quickly on my face. "I never stopped loving you either."

                                                      ----

August 15th, 2018

Dylan had stopped me before I left and had apologized to me profusely. He even texted me the next day to apologize again and I forgave him immediately. Maybe it was because I felt a bit guilty for not telling him about the video Tinka had showed me where his girlfriend was blatantly trying to get back with my boyfriend, but It was easy to forgive him and I knew he felt horrible about it. I was still unsure if I should tell him and at the same time, I didn't want to be the reason of their break-up, or even of a fight so I deciced to ignore it for now but that didn't stop me from feeling bad.

It was almost time for Niall to go back on tour and I felt extremely nervous about it. It had taken me about a week to decide on what I would do. I wanted to go with him but at the same time, I didn't want to be the clingy girlfriend who followed him everywhere. With time, I realized that I could follow him without going back to my old habits but I still had no idea how to tell him. He hadn't mentioned it again, probably because he didn't want to sound pushy or make me feel like I had to follow him, but my insecurity sometimes tried to make me believe it was because he didn't really want to spend so long with me.

"Why did you want me to come with you, Louis?" I asked, raising my eyebrows and turning to him as he was parking. "You know it's one of my last few days with Niall."

Louis laughed and shook his head, turning to me to look in my eyes.

"We both know you're gonna follow him on tour, Liv. Who are you trying to fool?" he said, his accent thick. "You can spend a few hours with your best friend, can't ya?"

I felt my heart skip a beat at how well Louis knew me, sometimes even better than I knew myself, and I realized that I had opened up to him like I had never opened up with anyone else besides Niall. And I didn't regret it at all.

"Yes. You're right."

"Look," he started again, turning on his seat to look at me. "I have something for you."

He searched through his pockets and handed me a well-folded piece of paper, which was surprising. Normally, anything that ended up in Louis' pocket was crumpled or crushed. I frowned a bit and took it before unfolding it gently and carefully.

"I drew it meself. Took me hours."

My lips parted as I looked at the drawing of a crown. It was pretty and he clearly had put a lot of effort into it. It was not perfect, but I thought that's what made it look even more special.

"Wow, Louis... this is..."

"I made it for you." he cut me gently. "If you wanted to get a tattoo, that is. It represents you well, don't ya think?"

I looked up in his eyes and weirdly, I could read stress, like he was not sure how i'd react. The fact that Louis always called me his queen, and that he had even written a song about me with that word made this drawing even more important for me and as soon as his eyes met mine, I knew it would be impossible for me not to get this tattoo.

"I think it represents you, actually." I explained, tilting my head and looking at him. "This tattoo will always remind me of you, and I want you to know that you're important to me, Louis. I would be dead without you. Literally."

His lips curled slightly on the right and stress disappeared from his traits.

"Now you need to draw something for me to get, too." he pointed out.

"Wait, so we're here to get you a tattoo that I would draw?" I asked as  his smile turned into a smirk.

"Exactly."

"Can it be simple? I can't draw for shit." I admitted with a grimace.

"Just draw it, give it to the artist, and I'll look at it when it's done."

I stared at him for a few seconds, feeling my heartbeats accelerate and after a while, I breathed in and out. After all, if he didn't like it, he could always get something over it, right?

It took half an hour to get the crown tattooed on my ankle but only about 10 minutes to get the smiley I had drawn for Louis. It was pretty simple with x's instead of eyes and since it was on his wrist, he kept his eyes closed the whole time to make sure it wouldn't ruin the surprise. We walked back to his car in silence about an hour later and sat down, both of us leaning against our seats.

"Is it too simple?" I asked before he turning his head my way with a smile.

"No, it's perfect."

I smiled back at him and held my hand up between us. It took him a few seconds but he finally grabbed it, intertwining his fingers with mine and squeezing my hand.

"Thank you for saving my life." I let out in a soft voice. "Literally, but also metaphorically."

"You saved mine, too."

                                                       ---

When I walked back in Niall's house... I mean, in our house... I heard him talk and frowned, trying to be quiet in case he was on the phone. I saw him in front of his laptop, just talking to the screen and it took me a few minutes to realize he was probably on a live chat on instagram. I made sure to remain silent and walked to the kitchen to gt myself a glass of wine and leaned against the counter. I listened to what he was saying from the living room, smiling and chuckling from time to time until I heard him say his goodbyes. I wanted an other minute or two, knowing Niall was the kind of person who said bye by stayed an other half an hour with his hand on the doorknob before actually leaving and when I joined him in the living room, he was getting up.

"Are you done?"

"Yes, sorry, I thought it would take you longer." he apologized, making me smile.

"No, it's all good, it's cool that you do lives for your fans." I just shrugged, joining him near the couch. "Your such a good person."

He smiled more and took the glass from my hands before placing it on the coffee table. I chuckled and he wrapped his arms around my waist, raising his eyebrows.

"And does that turn you on?"

I laughed some more. "Maybe."

He didn't answer anything. Instead, he pressed his lips against mine as his arms pulled me even closer. My eyes fluttered close as he deepened the kiss and I sighed low, feeling my body relax in his arms.

"I'm gonna miss you so much." he whispered before kissing me some more,

"I'll miss you more."

He stepped forward, forcing me to take a step back, and guided us around the couch and until the hall. I ended up hitting my back on the wall and I laughed against his lips.

"Clumsy ass." he said in the same amused tone he always said it. "I love you."

We finally ended up in our room and he closed the door with one of his feet, bringing me to the bed and quickly putting himself on top of me. I loved the feeling of his body over mine, warming me, and it always surprised me that every time, it would make a shiver cross my back. I shivered in his arms and he pulled away slightly to look in my eyes.

"How about we stay locked here until I have to take that fucking stupid plane?"

I raised my eyebrows and my lips parted before I tilted my chin up. "Don't you have somewhere to be tomorrow?"

"I canceled." he admitted, his eyes dropping to my lips before he ground his hips against mine, probably without thinking.

"For me?" I asked with a small smile.

"For us."

I brought my hands to his cheeks and let one of my thumbs brush on his bottom lip. "How many times are you gonna make love to me until you leave?"

His lips curled again and he chuckled low. "As many times as I can."

[atopearth]

Kissed by the Baddest Bidder Part 1 - Eisuke Ichinomiya Route (up to Proposal Epilogue)

This is my next guilty pleasure game lolol. Honestly, the premise of the heroine getting sold in an auction and being bought/saved by one of the dodgy rich guys makes it a dubious premise, but I love this kinda "trash"🤣 Eisuke seems like one of the most popular Voltage guys so I do want to see him in sequels haha, and yes, I already played the main story since it was free on the app, but I've kinda forgotten it, so I'll refresh my memory by playing it on the Switch again haha. I also bought My Forged Wedding and Our Two Bedroom Story so yay, more to come~ hahaha. I hope to also buy Scandal in the Spotlight and Kings of Paradise (when it comes out and goes on sale XD) when I'm done with others so yep, lots of Voltage stuff coming I guess hahaha.

I always feel sorry for the heroine that Eisuke makes her run to him within 5 minutes when he calls her, like dudeee, that's ridiculous. Anyway, it's nice that he's teaching her stuff so she's not just his toy to use. I remember finding it hilarious how Eisuke planned to use Soryu as the next "sacrifice" from the beginning and have Carolina fall in love with him instead🤣 She's very tame and silly for an Italian mafia boss' daughter but I guess we should feel blessed about that lol. Even though a lot of the things Eisuke does is questionable, it's nice to know that his reason for being involved in all this underground stuff is because he's searching for his little sister that he got separated from when their parents passed away and they were adopted by different families. It's interesting to think that Eisuke wasn't born a rich boy and actually worked very hard to get where he is now in repayment to the Ichinomiya family but also because I'm sure all this power helps him get more connections to hopefully find his sister one day. I think it's really cute how much he's opening up to the heroine now, but I kinda feel sorry for her in a sense that when Takahiro (her boss) and her finally have a nice thing going on, she's falling for Eisuke.

To be honest, their "love" is rather questionable considering how it's mostly just the heroine listening to everything he says, caring about him, whilst he uses her for what he needs to do and then kinda warms up to the idea of her staying with him and enjoys it. I mean, he barely let her go out and always called her back for trivial things lol. So yeah, even though he's "nice", I find it difficult to accept him, but I guess hopefully the sequels might change that since there's so many haha. I appreciate him trying to protect her though, it's nice to see those rare moments he shows how much he cares about her. I have to say though, that dramatic ending where the heroine picks between Takahiro and Eisuke is so... weird lol, kinda cringy loll. Anyway, let's see His PoV! Honestly, His PoV was nice but doesn't really add that much to what we already knew tbh, like I guess you can see his thought process for the important events, but yeah doesn't really feel like I read anything haha. The epilogue was nice mainly because he FINALLY got rid of all his groupies, like geez, took him a while considering his intolerance for such women who follow him around all the time lol, but the highlight was definitely the heroine getting him to honestly tell her that he loves her. I think it really helps how she always voices to Eisuke what is important to her, and he in turn understands that it's important to her so he listens and reciprocates, it's pretty sweet.

I'm glad Eisuke found his sister in the Season 1 Sequel. Yukari is so cute. I thought it was really nice how the heroine understood how much Eisuke cherished the possibility of meeting his sister again, so if he's rejecting meeting her then there must be a good reason for it. It's pretty dramatic how Eisuke ended up having to save Yukari's husband's father and their wedding in order to have the father have a better opinion of him lol. I'm just happy that Eisuke doesn't have to force himself and lie about his feelings towards finding his sister again and stuff tbh, but it was kinda sad how Eisuke really didn't look for the heroine for days when she "left" him due to not being able to understand his attitude towards Yukari before everything was resolved. I have to agree with the heroine though, Eisuke is just really stubborn about not showing his feelings, but I guess he's getting better at it with the heroine so it's all good lol. I kinda find it cute how Baba was the one to tell the heroine how much Eisuke cares for her, I guess all the guys will get a chance to cheer her up and tell her different sides of him?🥲 It was cute how they visited Yukari's new home and thought about marriage~ Lmao at Eisuke just building a hotel in Dubai because her dart fell on it.

Ooh so, S2 revolves around Dubai~ Gotta feel sorry for the heroine that she nearly got killed for trespassing when it wasn't even her fault. But now she's forced to work at the Dubai hotel as a sort of "punishment" and to let her go from her crime lol. Gotta love how Eisuke just bought an island to live on here lol. Aww, it took a long time, but it's actually really cute how soft Eisuke is with the heroine. I also really like how he's pretty open with their relationship to the others. Do a lot of Japanese people really hate green peas?? I find it so funny that a lot of characters hate green peas, but I guess it's more seen as a "childish" thing haha. So yeah, seeing Eisuke try to say he hates green peas in a prideful way was adorable to say the least. Anyway, Hishikura is quiteeee dodgy and weird lol, why does he want to be an auction manager though, does that help him become the future prime minister?🤔 And I found it so silly the way the heroine "won" Hishikura and left him, like shouldn't the first thing Eisuke and them thought of was the fact that this was an illegitimate auction bid when the product (heroine) was obviously not the dancing girl that was supposed to be sold?? Why did we have to waste so much time on something so simply solved just like that?? Honestly though, I'm sure Hishikura could have made some other excuse though, but still, could they have not resolved it better and had a better reason to allow Hishikura be a part of the gang? Lol.

Sometimes I think I underestimate how much Eisuke likes the heroine, because wow, to protect her, he's willing to let people think he's "running away" from Dubai and all the troubles there, and I guess last time with Hishikura, he made it pretty obvious how important she was to him. Like, Kishi and Soryu being bodyguards for the heroine are understandable (but honestly a waste of their time lol) but I'm not sure if Hishikura, Ota and Baba are very good lol. Anyway, trust Eisuke to propose in such an unromantic way loll. Full just gave her the papers and told her to sign it loll. Anyway, I'm surprised they never had a hotel branch in London, but it doesn't matter since Eisuke can build wherever he likes lol. Wow, like I know Eisuke is selfish and the heroine is very accommodating, but I'm surprised she wasn't mad or even annoyed at all that Eisuke just took back the "proposal" and said nah, not getting married anymore since it's unnecessary. Like excuse me??? And the way the heroine knows he loves her is always just through sex lol, like c'mon heroine, sure he shows his love in many ways, but his attitude still annoys me a lot lol, it really is as if marriage is nothing to him and the heroine hasn't even told him that it's special to her because she'll become his wife. Honestly, he probably said it so she wouldn't feel pressured about it anymore (since she was undecided) but still.

Well, I was going to say Frank and his butler are kinda cute but dang lol, getting revenge for something that happened in middle school that was your own fault is pretty petty of Frank. I'll admit that Eisuke being up for auction and the heroine being auctioneer was pretty fun and interesting haha. Especially when she just started revealing everything about him to the crowd lol, but I guess that way she was able to show how deep her feelings were for him and how much she wanted them to be family instead of him just distancing himself from others and her. I'm so happy Eisuke finally proposed properly and said she'll be his family~~ Anyway, I'm disappointed that they didn't allude anything about Eisuke and London (aside from this Frank guy) when I think it would have been fun to see more about Eisuke's life back in the day instead of a random villain. For once, it was nice to see Eisuke's PoV to the marriage thing. So he suggested marriage to the heroine because he wanted to give her financial security just in case anything happened to him, and he wanted to do it in a way where she wouldn't be scrutinised by the public eye, and that's why he wanted her to be his wife so that everything would "look proper" to others. I guess I can see why he was so shocked and sad when she didn't immediately accept him haha. It was nice seeing Eisuke realise his mistake in saying he wanted to the marry the heroine but in the same breath say he didn't need a family, and understand that this was why the heroine was so hesitant. It was really nice to see Eisuke grow and straightforwardly ask Akira (his dad) why did he adopt him and whether he only cares about him because he has a talent for business. Seeing Eisuke face things he usually avoids because of the heroine's support and love makes me happy for him.

Okay, the DLCs (Scattered Cards onwards) on the Switch are too expensive so I'm not going to buy them right now hahaha😅 Overall, I'm not a fan of Eisuke tbh. He definitely got much better over the course of the seasons, but from the heroine's perspective alone, he is a bit frustrating lol, but at the same time, I'd say the same for the heroine for how silly she is lol so I guess they fit well. I think what I'm most disappointed in though is that the premise itself is really just the premise and nothing really "evolves" from it, because the following stories are really just the guys expanding the hotel and dealing with people trying to wreck that rather than stuff about auctions and bidding? I did enjoy Eisuke reuniting with his sister and learning more about how he views family, and then having the heroine make him realise that he does crave family warmth and other things, he just tries to hide it with his bad attitude lol. But yeah, otherwise Eisuke is not bad, just not my type lol, and the stories are rather cliche and bad at some points so yeah, I'd say the plot suffers more than his attitude does for me.