#sorry im just frustrated and scared and. a mess

[blurred-antics]

seeing the neurologist tomorrow and I'm so....messy. I'm terrified, I'm elated, I'm anxious, I'm hesitant, I'm prepared. I just. I want answers but God what if the answers are horrible? Or there are no answers?? And it's more "good luck I guess" I can't keep living like this man I need SOMETHING

[soaking-wet-cat-punk]

gotta love melys

[flowafairy]

but im not hurt, im tense ✿ bllk multi ’cause i’ll be fine without you babe.

﹒postscript : it’ll never work out. feat. ɞ‎ shidou, rin, sae, kaiser ʚ cw : fem reader, angst ( no comfort )

shidou looks at you with a pout on his face. it’s been millenials since he last saw you—( 2 weeks ). so when he finally found you wandering the local store in your area, he immediately grabbed your wrist.

“you blocked me.” his mouth curls downwards. “am i nothing to you?”

the mocking look on his face only makes your frustrations grow deeper. “yes, i did block you. and that too for a reason so let g—“

“no.” his grip on your hand tightens, as if he was scared to let go. “tell me baby, where did i go wrong?” his tone sounds almost pleading.

“where did you go wrong?” you stare at him in disbelief. “you almost punched my dad at family dinner, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?” you snap at him.

“is that what you’re mad about?” shidou scoffs. “he deserved it anyway, was sayin’ some stupid shit.” he dismisses your confrontation.

“ryusei.” your hand finally breaks free from his grip, pushing him away. “this is why we broke up.” you glare at him before hurriedly exiting the store.

shidou clenches his fists, knuckles turning white as he looks down at the floor. he felt his blood boiling, like he was going to burst in an explosion.

it’s only that, he doesn’t like this explosion.

rin’s resolve is crumbling down second by second as he watches your smile break down into a look of confusion and hurt. you’re interfering with his goals? what is he talking about?

“what are you talking about?” you hold onto his hand, as if clutching a thread thats about to break. “i’ve been there for you since we were kids and supported your dream—what’s so annoying about that?” the tention in your words are clear.

“im going to become the world’s best striker.” rin grits his teeth. “and you keep getting in the fucking way.” his words are cold, hitting you like an iceberg.

you do get in his way- in every way possible. he wants to defeat itoshi sae, and yet, every goal he scores seems to be dedicated to you. you’re slowly deprieving his heart of all the hatred and god, he hates it.

he’s made up his mind, he wants to defeat itoshi sae. but with you, the only mental image in his mind is nii-chan, not itoshi sae.

he doesn’t want to destroy his older brother, he wants to destroy itoshi sae.

his heart clenches at the sorrowful look on your face. “are you serious? im getting in the way?” you look like your world has just been broken into a million pieces—it’s so sudden, you almost don’t know how to react.

“you’re lukewarm.” rin stares daggers into you. “just forget about us, you knew we were never meant to be.”

maybe rin imagined a future with you,

but all you are now is a bittersweet childhood sweetheart.

sae doesn’t have time for you.

or thats what he likes telling himself, since he always finds himself cancelling interviews or cutting practice short to come see you.

you mess with his brain—in a good and bad way.

but he know’s you deserve better, better than someone like him. you deserve someone who can be there for you, communicate with you properly, give you the affection you deserve.

but he can’t.

it’s been clear he’s never made you a priority in his life, he know’s you’re getting tired of him canceling dates and replying to your messages every few hours.

he’s just finished practice, taking a long sip from his water bottle as he opens his phone. a message from you pops up.

im breaking up with you. it’s not working out, im sorry.

sae’s expression is neutral, but the way he’s squeezing the life out of the plastic bottle says otherwise, squeezing out the last bit of water as it falls to the ground.

you have all the good reason to break up with him, but something in him wants to plead, to beg, that he’ll be better, to give him one last chance.

sorry for not making time for you. good luck.

”you’re not enough.” kaiser snaps at you, a look of fury in his eyes.

you had arguments with him often. you were tired of him constantly pushing you away whenever you’d try to show him an ounce of affection—simple things would turn into harsh words exchanged between eachother.

“do you not see how much i do for you?” you snap back. “and you’re saying im not enough? when i have to go days without contact because you don’t even bother to call?” you raise your voice at him, making him flinch.

the truth is, you’ve always been enough.

but he’s not enough for you. that’s why he’s building these barriers around himself to hide away—he doesn’t deserve you, nor your touch. you’re like an angel who descended from the gates of heaven, and he’s a lowly devil.

he’s afraid his scars will brush on you, which is why he never gives you the chance to heal them. instead pushing you further and further away.

”schatz.” his eyes waver at the hurt visible in your eyes, and the nickname doesn’t make it any better.

he can’t ask for your forgiveness, he’s not worthy of it.

he can only watch you walk out of his life, an angel deprieved of her feathers.

[amatariki]

SOMEONE CALL THE DOCTOR 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ got a case of a love bipolar

(𝓐UTREMENT) — your calm, gentle, and loving boyfriend suddenly snaps at you out of the blue... weird. but hes surely got his reasons, right?

天使ℳade :: idol!bf!park sunghoon x fem!reader ⋆˚✿˖° 𝒆𝒔𝒕. (5 txts + 1k words) (ℒ)lust. angst(???), kissing/skinship, not rlly much, probs more idk tell me in comments i suck at warnings

ᥫ᭡⊹ ࣪ ˖ (1) notification! a lil special in honor of the amazinf comeback our boys delivered. hoon's hands in the pic tho omg im not okay im not gwenchana ning ning ning. my first time doing texts im sorry if its ass. actually, sorry if this entire fic is ass lmaoo

💋 #reblog for kisses ☆゙ catalogue ˖°— 𝐕𝐎𝐋. 𝐗𝐕

You fluffed up Gaeul’s fur with one hand as she sat on your lap nibbling on her treat, trying not to squish her as cuteness aggression took over you.

You’d taken Gaeul out for a walk in an attempt to clear your clouded mind and get a breather.

You didn’t understand Sunghoon’s outburst over text earlier. He’d always been calm, sweet, and had a good temperament. So, it made no sense as to why he’d got mad at you when he typically took his time to either talk things out with you nicely or just stay quiet and give you the silent treatment when he was extremely mad.

There was only one rational explanation: you must have really messed up for him to snap.

You hoped everything would be fine when you got back. Hopefully, you two would talk things out, and things wouldn’t escalate to terrible positions when you got back home and saw him.

The air whisked your hair around your face as you stood up and continued down the path. As autumn arrived, it got chilly. Soon, the leaves would turn into beautiful shades of warm colors and start shedding in preparation for winter.

As you lost yourself to your positive thoughts and the sight of Gaeul now trotting curiously after a leaf in the air, your phone chimes due to an incoming notification, and you snap back into the present.

The entire time you were heading home, your mind was befuddled. The way Sunghoon acted, like he wasn’t mad at you in the morning, it was weirdly confusing.

Your heart raced while going up the elevator as your head conjured up worst case scenarios where something was terribly wrong and he was in danger.

You step into the house, looking around in confusion and surprise to see all the lights out. You kneel down and take off Gaeul’s vest and leash, letting her scamper into the apartment, probably searching for Sunghoon.

“Hoon?” you call out tentatively, a nervous edge to your voice.

You almost jump when Sunghoon appears in the dark hallway, your heart pounding against your chest.

“You scared me!” you exclaim breathily, forcing out a chuckle.

He just nods quietly, grabbing your wrist and tugging you along down the hallway.

“Sunghoon,” you start, nervous. “Wait, Sunghoon.” You pull your hand out of his grasp.

Sunghoon turns around, his brows knotting in confusion. “What?” he asks.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper softly. “I’m sorry for making you mad this morning. I didn’t mean to be so…annoying.”

Sunghoon sighs at your words, remaining speechless as he rubs his temples.

“Who said you were being annoying?” he asks quietly.

“You did. You got mad at me,” you reason. “You never get mad and snap. You either talk it out with me or stay quiet.”

Sunghoon grabs your wrist and pulls you into his arms, wrapping them around your waist as his head fell to rest gently on your shoulder.

“I’m sorry I snapped,” he murmurs. “I didn’t mean to. I was just really stressed with practice and other things. I was mad because something went wrong, and I took that anger out on you. You didn’t do anything wrong."

“Forgive me, won’t you?” He pulls back, reverently pressing his lips to your forehead. “I’ll try my best to not take out my frustration on you from now on. I’m sorry. Keep texting me throughout the day, please. I love seeing your texts, they make me so happy.”

You nod, biting your lips. “Thank you,” you say, smiling. “I know you’ll try from now on.”

“Okay, great. Now c’mere.” Sunghoon quickly tugs you into the living room, eyes sparkling, not letting you finish your sentence.

“Hoon, wait, I’m gonna fall.”

Your eyes widen as he gently pushes you into a pillow fort. It’s filled with your pillows and blankets arranged neatly on a futon. At the foot of the futon is a bowl full of snacks, cups of ramen, a carton of juice, and a few cans of fizzy drinks. There’s a projector connected to Sunghoon’s tablet to watch movies and a lamp he dragged into the fort to light up the inside.

It looks absolutely breathtaking, and you can tell Sunghoon put a lot of time and effort into it after practice, despite being exhausted.

You look over your shoulder to thank him, but find that he’s disappeared.

“Hoon?” You call out, lifting the blankets he’s put together as drapes to step outside to find him.

He doesn’t give you a chance to do so as he reappears with a bouquet of gorgeous flowers: white tulips, white baby’s breaths, white roses, and your favorite flowers in your favorite color, all neatly wrapped together and tied up with ribbons.

“Happy anniversary, snowflake,” he wishes you, holding the bouquet out for you to accept. Even though he puts on a ‘hot, nonchalant, confident loverboy’ facade, you can see the shyness in his eyes as you accept the flowers.

“Thank you, Hoonie,” you reply, feeling all giddy as butterflies swarm wildly in your stomach. "Happy anniversary to you too."

“I was going to take you out to that new restaurant that recently opened,” Sunghoon reveals. “But their scheduling software encountered a problem and they gave our reservation to someone else and there were no other spots left open for today. So, I decided to put this together when I got home after Jake gave me the idea.”

You looked up at him with eyes filled with adoration. You honestly must have saved the world in your last life to have been blessed with such an amazing boyfriend.

Leaning on your tiptoes, you pressed your lips to Sunghoon’s, feeling him tilt his head to deepen it and kiss you harder.

“Thank you so much,” you say breathlessly when you two pull away, panting. “You’re really amazing, you know that?”

“Only for you,” he replies coolly, flashing you those vampire fangs that drove engenes crazy. “Hurry now, I think Gaeul’s getting hungry,” he says, gesturing to the dog who was circling your legs affectionately. “I’m hungry too.”

You chuckle, batting his chest. “Alright, I’m coming, let me put these somewhere.”

“Mhm,” Sunghoon hums simply, cupping your face to pepper kisses all over your face and a final one on your lips before he lets you out of his grip to put those flowers away.

------ᝰ‧₊ taglist open — nets! @k-films — ©amatariki 2k25

@chrrific @lezleeferguson-120 @koiiqqqq @ikeu05 @maewphoria

[luvv1anime]

hey...uhh soo like I was thinking you could write a short thing like.. bakuogu and his girl are doing a school project and she says kat...I don't think this is gunna work for us.. i think we need to break up- sqeezes, and bakugou thinks they are actually breaking up.. but the whole time she was talking about the project.. like..just somthing wholesome and a bit funny to me.. yk?

Hii sorry this took so long ive been busy and im not rlly a writer so i had no clue how to approach this so i hope its good and what you were looking for!!

Masterlist

The dorm common room was quiet except for the scratch of pencils and the occasional frustrated groan from Bakugou.

“Ugh,” you muttered, flipping through yet another page of notes. “This whole project is a mess.”

Bakugou, seated beside you, arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed, glared at the stack of half-finished poster boards like they had personally insulted him.

“We’ve been at this for hours,” he muttered. “It’s fine. We’ll just blow the rest out tomorrow morning.”

You sighed and set your pen down. “Kat…”

“Hm?” he looked up at you, waiting.

“I don’t think this is gonna work for us.”

Bakugou blinked. His whole body stilled. “…What?”

“I just think it’s not clicking, y’know? Like maybe we’re not as good a team as we thought,” you continued, voice soft but serious.

His jaw tightened. “Tch… so that’s it? You’re giving up on us just because of one dumb project?”

You paused, squinting at him. “Wait. What do you think I’m talking about?”

Bakugou’s scowl deepened. “Us, dammit! You said— ��this isn’t gonna work for us’— what the hell else would you mean?!”

You stared for a second… then burst out laughing. “Katsuki! I meant the project! Like, the concept? The volcano and the cardboard city? It sucks! I wasn’t breaking up with you!”

Bakugou’s face went red in a flash. “Hah?! The hell kinda way is that to word it?! Who starts a sentence like that?!”

“You!” you giggled, nudging his arm. “You’re the dramatic one, remember?”

He grumbled something under his breath, arms still crossed—but you caught the tiny smile he was hiding.

“You’re an idiot,” he muttered, ears still pink.

“And you love me.”

He rolled his eyes but didn’t deny it.

You were still giggling when Bakugou snatched the pencil from your hand and tossed it onto the table.

“Hey!” you protested, half-laughing, half-whining.

“Shut up,” he muttered, but there was no heat behind it. His eyes were still a little wide from earlier, still slightly red around the edges like he was holding back more emotions than he knew how to handle.

You tilted your head at him, smile softening. “You really thought I was breaking up with you?”

He grunted. “It sounded like it, okay? Don’t look at me like I’m some kinda dumbass.”

You reached over and took his hand, threading your fingers through his, warm and sure. “You’re not a dumbass, Katsuki.”

He didn’t say anything at first—just gave your hand a light squeeze, eyes flicking down to where your fingers fit perfectly in his. Then his voice, low and a little rough: “You scare the hell outta me sometimes, y’know that?”

Your smile widened. “Me? Scary? That’s rich coming from you, Mister I-explode-first-ask-questions-later.”

Bakugou snorted. “Tch. Yeah, well. Doesn’t mean I wanna lose you over a dumb science project.”

You leaned in and kissed his cheek, quick and soft. “You won’t. Not unless you somehow manage to blow up the dorm during this thing.”

A tiny smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. “No promises.”

You both laughed, and somehow, the broken cardboard volcano and the crumpled poster didn’t seem so bad anymore. It wasn’t perfect—but neither were either of you. And that was kind of the point.

“Let’s ditch the cardboard,” you said. “We’ll do a digital presentation instead. Less mess.”

Bakugou nodded. “And less chance of setting off the smoke alarm.”

He tugged you a little closer and rested his chin lightly on your shoulder, voice low. “Next time, start with ‘this project sucks’ instead of ‘we need to break up.’ Got it?”

You grinned. “Got it. Wouldn’t want to traumatize my boyfriend again.”

He kissed the side of your head. “Damn right.”

Taglist: @midnightjewel

[celesteleoves]

“IM SORRY, I DIDNT MEAN IT.”

.ೃ࿐ GOJO SATORU X fem!reader

summary: satoru comes home tired and exhausted, so exhausted he lets words slip that he didn’t mean.

warnings: gojo yells at reader but doesn’t do anything otherwise, reader cries a bit, profanities, reader thinks gojo is going to get aggressive (he never would), angst at the start and fluff at the end!

a/n: first jjk drabble, cut me some slack pls 🧎‍♀️ —

he never got angry, he never let his frustrations out on others, he was always composed and energetic.

that’s how you would describe your boyfriend satoru gojo, he was cheerful and always lightened up your household in seconds the moment he entered it and when he left, it felt empty.

you knew how it is in the sorcerer world: hard, exhausting, draining, frustrating, and sometimes enjoyable. but satoru always pushed through how exhausted he felt and gave you a big smile when he got home.

but today, gojo would be too tired to keep up a cheerful front and was just exhausted. he was so drained from the countless missions he’s had this week he was bound to snap at one point.

you prayed he wouldn’t snap at you, though.

bustling around you and gojos shared kitchen, you made his favourite meal and desert, happily making it in hopes it’ll cheer up your tired lover.

you finished making his favourites and were about to call him to see when he’d be home when the front door opened, shutting with a click of a lock and the sound of gojos keys clanking as he threw them on a nearby surface.

“satoru! you’re home just in time.” your soft voice normally would’ve had satoru jumping off the walls but everything was off today. satoru hater how he was feeling.

he was irked at everything, he even snapped on nanami which left the blonde staring at the white haired man in shock as gojo stood up and walked away from the other sorcerer.

“yeah.” gojo lazily mumbled as he shoved past you, walking towards your fridge and getting himself a cup of water.

frowning, you ignored his actions and began talking about the meal you made as gojo added ice to his glass of water.

stop talking, just stop. gojo let out a quiet groan as you happily talked about your day. too bad he couldn’t reciprocate your energy, he was so angry at everything.

his lanky body moved towards your dining room table, flopping down on one of the chairs as he spread his legs to feel comfortable. placing the cup down, he held the bridge of his nose as you practically yelled to him about dinner from the kitchen.

you hadn’t noticed how aggravated he seemed with your voice and instead continued making a plate of food for him while telling him facts about your day and who you had seen while visiting jujustu tech, only to not find him there (he was on a mission, AGAIN).

“and so, i made your favourite! i know you really like this dish and these are your favourite sweets, so i bought some of those and…”

your voice was blaring in gojos head as you walked over to him, holding his plate in your hands with a smile on your face.

his eyes were worn out, sullen and dark as they stared at you from his hands.

he couldn’t handle this, he was going to snap.

“can you just fuck off already? just… shut up!” he growled, his words taking extra long for you to register as you began to stutter, small tears forming at your waterline as you blinked at gojo.

gojo looked up at you after noticing the silence, only to see you shaking. the plate of food in your hands looked as if it was about to tip over and create a mess on the floor. the plate of food YOU made just for HIM.

your boyfriends eyes widened as he watched you clumsily place his plate down infront of him and back away from his sitting form.

“i- um, im sorry, satoru. i’ll give you space.” you mumbled as you tried to hold in your emotions. your actions showed you felt fear, you were scared of him in this moment because he did not look like your satoru.

satorus eyes widened as he felt his heart drop. did he seriously just do that? why would he do that? why did he yell at you like that when all you were trying to do was be there for him and keep him filled with joy during tough times like these.

he watched you sway and shake as you walked away, his legs moving quicker than he expected as he hugged you from behind.

“i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m so sorry.” satoru whispered into your neck as his arms latched around your waist.

you froze, turning around and looking at your exhausted boyfriend clearly.

he looked so tired, so drained you almost didn’t recognize him. you scolded yourself internally for not noticing it sooner.

your heart softened at the sight of your first and last lover crumbling in your arms as he apologized profusely.

“shh, it’s okay ‘toru. i shouldn’t have been all over you when you needed space.”

“no, i should’ve let you. i need you more than ever.”

his voice shook as he spoke, looking up at you while scanning your face. you looked so gorgeous, so pretty for him today and he felt awful that he didn’t tell you that as soon as he stepped foot through the door.

“it’s okay, baby. i get it.” you smiled at him as he let a soft smile grow on his lips that were in a frown.

“lookin’ so stunning today, sweets. you’re amazing.” he grinned at you as you jokingly rolled your eyes.

“thank you, i know.” you teased him as he pulled you into a kiss, slow and lovingly before beginning to tell you about everything that happened with him this week.

you both sat at your dining room table as you occasionally fed satoru his food and added onto his words while he talked about missions, his students, and more.

you two loved eachother, and no matter how stressed out or drained you are; you made a deal to always be there for eachother, no hiding anything.

.ೃ࿐

please leave tips, requests, or anything of the sort! i’m open to any requests or suggestions 🤍 enjoy babes.

[wolfiesmoon]

What a fate

Ran x good girl! reader

this is a part 2 to my fic "i can't sleep", dont worry i'm feeding ur families they will no longer starve. apparently people are really into ran considering how many notes that fic of mine got (and who can blame them honestly)

unrelated but i cant believe it took me this long to get into housewife radio by ghost i love the horror vibes because of course i do

You've had a turbulent few days recently. Ever since you agreed to do that stupid dare Ran hasn't left you alone.

He did promise to do so but you didn't think he was actually serious about "making you his". How could you let this happen?

Things turned out completely opposite to what you expected, though. Instead of dragging you to his gang meeting to beat the crap out of you, he's taking you there to threaten his lackeys that if they even so much as lay a finger on his girl (you), they'd feel hell on earth.

You suppose that it's nice that he wants to protect you but you feel extremely out of place and uncomfortable at a gang meeting of all places.

Your parents think you're studying at a library right now. Somehow, you feel like you're commiting a crime.

You also met his brother at that meeting.

It seems being a good-for-nothing delinquent runs in their family. You feel sorry for their parents. If they even have them.

"Wow, I would've never thought the nerd would be your type." Rindou teased Ran. Actually, maybe it was both of you he was teasing.

"She's the one that kissed me first." Ran smirked at you.

"You're the worst. Both of you." you furrowed your brows, not finding either of them amusing in the slightest.

"Your girlfriend hates you, man. Personally I would not put up with that." Rindou seemed disinterested, checking his nails as he said that.

"I am not his girlfriend, either!" you defended yourself but Ran just looked at you like he pitied you and Rindou looked like he didn't believe you.

"Right, okay, if you say so. You two have your lover's quarrel on your own. I'm going elsewhere." Rindou just casually left, leaving you all alone with Ran in an abandoned storage unit. Oh boy.

"Umm, I should get going- ack!" you felt your wrist getting grabbed, preventing you from leaving. There's your only exit up in smoke.

"Leaving so soon? But we haven't even had our fun yet." Ran smiled at you and you honestly felt scared at that moment. Oh no, you shouldn't have yelled back at him so daringly just now. Now he's going to beat the crap out of you and drop you off in front of your parents doorstep as a warning to never mess with his gang again.

He leaned in closer and you braced yourself for the pain, but instead of that you felt his lips on yours.

Kissing...?! Again?! Well, atleast it's better than a punch to the face... You can't believe it's come to a point where you're glad to get kissed by Ran.

But still, does he have to kiss you in the least romantic place possible? Even if you did have feelings for him you'd totally find this moment cringy.

"You suck at kissing." He comments heartily, pulling away.

"I'm not the one who kisses a new girl every day. Maybe I actually have some self-respect." You crossed your arms. He was your first kiss after all.

"Every night is an exaggeration. It's like, every week." You couldn't tell if he was joking or being serious, even if you saw his expression.

"Oh, wow. Glad to know that I'll get cheated on in about 3 days. Way to make your 'girlfriend' hate you less."

"I'll stop for you." He smiled.

"Uh huh, whatever." You rolled your eyes.

Though, his kisses are actually kind of making you.... No, no! Don't fall for that! You can't believe you almost admitted that you'd fall for him if he kissed you more.

.

"How's it going with your new boyfriend, girl?"

"God, do not call him that." You held your forehead in frustration.

"I think he's taken a liking to you." Your friend nudged you, pointing at Ran who was sitting on the other side of the cafeteria and smiling at you as he ate.

"Great." You said sarcastically, immediately looking away when your eyes met.

"See? It ended up well. Now you have a hot bad boy boyfriend." Your friend kinda wished she'd done it instead of daring you.

"Didn't I just... ugh! I don't think my parents would agree with you." You placed your forehead on the table, groaning. "You date him if you want a bad boy so bad. But I hate you for dragging me into this." Your voice was slightly muffled.

"Yeah, we'll see. You'll be the happiest couple ever in like, two months."

You raised your head, looking back at Ran once again. You're in quite the pickle, aren't you? The next thing you know, you'll fall for Haitani Ran.

How scarily exciting.

.

"Hop on." Ran stopped on his bike in front of the library. How he knew you had a study session there today? Don't worry about the details.

Another motorcycle ride... You feel like you barely survived the last one.

"My parents expect me to be home in 10 minutes." You crossed your arms. You weren't lying, either.

"Who cares? Live a little." Ran rolled his eyes playfully. Clearly he isn't going to let you back down.

"I'll do it, but only if you keep it to ten minutes." He was right, backing down isn't your thing. You wonder how much resisting him you could get away with if you weren't special to him.

Special to him... huh.

"Killjoy." He insulted you lightly as you sat down in front of him. Again, neither of you are wearing a helmet. This is the last time you'll let it slide.

"I prefer to not get scolded endlessly." You held onto him tightly because you knew what was coming and didn't want to almost fall off the bike again. He felt proud when you held onto him like that.

Like you're finally his. To be honest, he didn't really care much for you until you kissed him out of nowhere like that. How bold of you, the top-of-the-class rule stickler. But he likes that. And that's why he decided to make you his.

Isn't the fact that he lets you ride on his motorcycle enough to see that?

You felt the wind blowing against your face as you set off. Now that you feel it again, it doesnt feel too bad. It's kind of nice, actually. And Ran is warm, too.

The scenery moves past the two of you and strangely, you feel really calm and at peace. It feels like your parents don't exist in this moment and that you can just... live, and feel the adrenaline of the high speed.

This is so scarily exciting.

"You look relaxed." He said, looking down at you.

"I am. And look at the road, will you?" You scolded him but your voice was still relaxed. You look up at him again.

He actually isn't that bad looking. You kind of understand why some girls would fall for him. You, on the other hand...

Are unfortunately befalling the same fate.

He didn't say anything but you had a feeling he knew you were staring.

"You look like you're in love."

"What?! How would you even know?!" You looked back at the road, hiding your face from him. You can't help but get defensive of such a thing.

God, you hate that he's right.

[daemour]

♡ Event: @pirateeznet 2nd Anniversary Event

♡ Pairing: Farmhand! Choi San x home aide! f! Reader

♡ Genre: Harvest Moon AU, slight slow burn, fluff, slight angst, T for Teen

♡ Warnings: Cursing, some sexual innuendos at the end, that's it

♡ Summary: Working as a home aide on a farm brings you some new trials...namely a certain attractive farmhand named San.

♡ Word Count: 9277 (im SORRY)

♡ Genre: Regular Life ; Prompt: Coworkers

This was supposed to be...a lot longer. LAMFIJGDFJKGHKJSHDF x) With both Hwa and Joong as other love interests...but I gotta learn how to restrain myself LOL. But I do have more planned with YN and San (and a little more spicy too hehe) so if you'd like to read that let me know!

it's a honker of a fic, so i really do hope you enjoy despite the plot holes LMAO

Thank you to @okiedokrie for beta'ing,,,the first draft lmaooo surprisee...its totally different lol

“Are you serious?” you mutter, standing knee-high in a mud puddle. When you decided to move out of the city and stay with an elderly man as a home nurse on his farm temporarily, you expected to get dirty. But not like this, and not that soon. The wagon was only able to take you so far before you had to walk the rest of the way since it was technically private property or whatever the guy said. You didn’t quite remember his reasoning, and it wouldn’t have been such a big deal if it hadn’t started pouring about five minutes after you started walking. Now you’re cold and wet, and mud is everywhere.

With a frustrated groan, you try and take another step, wincing at the feeling of the mud squelching in your shoes and soaking your socks through. You’re having regrets, but you’re sure the ailing older man is having worse issues than wet socks and shoes and you power through. After a long and gruelling walk, you finally see the cream building and connected barn and you sigh in relief.

“Oh, man, you look a mess,” a voice is heard from behind you and you shriek, dropping down to the ground and clutching at your heart. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you. YN, right?”

You nod miserably. “Yeah. This is Aria farm?” You punctuate it with a sniff as you try to regain your dignity.

The man laughs, much more high-pitched than you expected. “Yup. I’m the farmhand, San.” He holds out his hand. “Need a hand up?”

With a shaky smile, you nod, grabbing his hand and letting him pull you up. His grip is strong, warm, and calloused, and you shoo away any unwanted thoughts. “Got caught in the rain?” San smiles apologetically like he was the one who brought the showers down upon you.

“Yeah, I sure did.” You return the smile with a weak one of your own. “Got dumped at the end of the road by the wagon, and not five minutes later I got poured on.”

San winces. “Oh, well, sorry that had to be your first welcome here. I’ll give that guy a talk later—he means no harm, just likes to play pranks.”

You grunt, not caring all that much about the villagers in the town, pranks or not. You have no doubt that the wagoneer meant no harm, nor that the villagers aren’t nice, but most of your days will be spent cooped up with the old farmer in his house. Plus, you decided to move away from the city to get away from people and let your introversion take over.

It takes a moment for you to realise he’s expecting you to keep up a conversation. “How is Mr Takeru doing?”

San shrugs, his eyes continuously flickering back to you. “He’s doing fairly well, all things considered. The fall left him physically incapable of a lot, but his energy hasn’t dwindled at all.” There’s a fondness in his voice. “He’s happy to hear you’ll be coming. He loves having people around and his kids barely visit. To no fault of their own, of course. They’re all on different islands, farming as well and it’s hard to get away.”

You hum. You’ve heard of their family situation, how Takeru’s kids all followed in his footsteps to become farmers, and that their children also went on to become farmers. It’s interesting, and you sometimes wonder if it’s something they all wanted. “It’ll be nice for him to have someone around,” you tell an attentive San. “It would’ve been great for him if some of his family could see him, but I’m sure he’s excited anyway.”

As you talk to San, you don’t realise how quickly the two of you walk until you are already at the house’s porch. San opens the door, stepping in, but you hesitate for just a moment. You almost turn tail if it wasn’t for the warm smile San offers.

“Don’t worry, I promise Mr Takeru is super nice. And I’ll always be happy to keep you company.” His eyes crinkle as his smile widens even further, and you can’t help but feel your face warm at how sweet he is.

“I’ll have to hold you to that, then.”

-

“Are you going to the flower festival tomorrow?” San catches you right when you go out to grab the mail.

You tilt your head as you flip through the many letters. Nothing of too much importance, just a couple of notices from the local stores. You see a letter from one of Mr Takeru’s kids and you smile at the sight of it before realising you hadn’t responded to San. “The what?”

“Flower festival,” San repeats himself, a smile growing on his face. It always seems to be there when you see the farmhand. “It’s a holiday where couples enjoy the cherry blossoms together and all.”

You laugh, shaking your head. “San, I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m not quite part of the couples demographic.” The farmhand’s eyes sparkle at your joke, but his gaze does not waver.

“You could go with me,” he suggests and you choke on the spot. “I’m being serious! It’s a really nice time and it’d be a shame if you missed it.”

You sigh, glancing behind you. “We’ll see. I might be busy tomorrow.”

San still smiles triumphantly at your answer. “If you do decide to come, I’ll meet you at the church grounds at seven.” And before you can even respond, he winks and walks away, making sure to flex his back muscles. If you can’t rip your eyes away, that's your own problem.

As the clock ticks closer and closer to six, you get more and more antsy. You’re still debating whether to go. One part of you wants to go so he won’t wait in vain, but the other part of you wants to avoid all sorts of contact with people. Every time you go and buy groceries for Mr Takeru, the villagers all stop to stare at you. And you know it’s partly your fault for never trying to get to know them, but you really would rather stay a hermit.

But San, he was different. Although you’ve only been here for a few weeks, San seems to have taken an interest in you. He’s always finding an excuse to talk to you, be it lunch break or asking to pass a message to Mr Takeru. You’re not quite sure what his motive is, but you’re not complaining. He’s good-looking, kind, and makes an effort to get to know you. Perhaps you should return the kindness.

When the clock strikes half past six, you know it’s the last moment before you can make your decision. After a moment’s hesitation, you call up the stairs “Mr Takeru, I’ll be going out! Do you have everything you need?”

You can hear the smile in his voice as he responds, “Mmh, I’ve got my cane so I’m all good. Going to the festival, I see?”

“Bye, Mr Takeru” You roll your eyes good-naturedly even if he can’t see it, grabbing your bag and practically launching yourself out the door. If you run, you’ll make it just in time.

You’re sure you look crazy, running down the streets while attempting to pull your hair away from your face to no avail, but time is of the essence. You manage to smile at the villagers who wave at you, but you’re panting hard and you think your legs might fall off as you take the church steps three at a time.

As you catch your breath, you can see San out of the corner of your eye approaching with the biggest smile you’ve seen on his face. “You came!”

You open your mouth to respond but all that comes out is a hack from the lack of air in your lungs. San laughs, reaching over to pat you on the back as you take a moment to catch your breath. “My gosh, I am not cut out for running,” you gasp, finally straightening up and brushing your hair out of your face.

San’s hands slow as he shifts them lower to rest at the small of your back. “Well, I’m glad you made it anyway. Come sit with me and my friends. They’ll be happy to see you came.”

Without giving you a moment to protest, San sweeps you away towards the back corner of the courtyard. The two people sitting on a blanket you recognise—the farmer you buy your groceries from and the bartender who walks past Mr Takeru’s farm on the way to work in the afternoon, and neither of their names you ever got.

“Guys, this is YN,” San introduces you and you give a little wave as they chorus your name with ‘hi’s. “This is Wooyoung, and that’s Yunho.” He points to the bartender and the farmer respectively.

“Good to finally get your name,” Yunho smiles at you, a bright smile lighting up his face. “You’ve been shopping with me for what, two weeks now?”

You laugh awkwardly. “Yeah, just about.” You silently beg for the topic to change because San is sensitive about how you buy groceries elsewhere since a storm destroyed most of the farm’s crops. “What does one do at the flower festival?”

Wooyoung and Yunho exchange a glance between each other, their eyes soft. “Generally couples sit together and watch the flowers fall and talk about each other. At the end, you pick up a blossom and blow it after making a wish,” Yunho explains, the corner of his lips pulling up as Wooyoung leans into his body. “I’m here with Wooyoung.”

He immediately realises this is not the best thing to say as your face heats up and your brain immediately goes into overdrive. “You don’t have to be in a romantic relationship to go, of course!” San immediately rectifies, his hands shooting out to smack Yunho in the shoulder. “I always go with friends.”

A smile pulls at your lips even though you’re still a little awkward at the revelation. “Well, thank you for inviting me anyway,” you bow slightly. “It’s nice to get a little scenery difference.”

Wooyoung laughs at that. “Yeah, I don’t think I’ve seen you away from the farm since you arrived, barring your visits to Marimba and Horn Ranches.” You duck your head shyly and San swoops to your rescue.

“Not that you’re any better, Wooyoung. All you do is work and go home to sleep,” San teases. “Except when Yunho makes you go outside, of course.”

Both Wooyoung and Yunho immediately blush red and you laugh at the sight. “You two are cute together though,” you compliment. “Hopefully one day I can have a relationship like yours.” You miss the soft gaze sent your way by San, but neither Wooyoung nor Yunho do and they exchange a look before smiling back at you.

“I’m sure you will one day.”

-

It’s pouring buckets out there and even San has taken the day off. There’s nothing to do on the farm other than feed the animals, and the day before San had put extra food in their buckets for that occasion exactly. Mr Takeru is fast asleep and all you’re doing is sitting in the living room and trying to focus on reading. But it’s not coming to you.

With a sigh, you put your book back down and move to stand near the window, staring at the bleary landscape. That’s when you see it. A little glimmer of light right by the bending tomato plants. You narrow your eyes, unsure if your eyes are playing tricks on you, but then it happens again. Now you’re sure something is out there, and against your better judgement, you’re going to find out what it is.

With another glance towards Mr Takeru, who doesn’t seem to be waking up anytime soon, you pull on a raincoat and open the front door. The wind almost slams it shut but you catch it just in time, slipping out of the house and closing it gently instead.

The wind is practically bullying you as you make your way slowly over to the garden. When you finally reach the plants, you squint but can’t seem to find anything, but you swear you saw something. Your eyes dart around to see if you can find it again, and another sparkle catches your eye further down the road.

You cast a glance back at the house, inner debate raging in you. But at heart, you’re forever a toddler and you go chase after the pretty lights.

The farther you go, the more you’re starting to regret your choices. But you’re too far to find your way back—although you’ve been here for almost a month now, you’re not all that well-versed in where things are around this island. Yet another point into why you should’ve just stayed at the farm.

With a groan, you take another step closer, making your way through a tunnel of trees. The rain only seems to get heavier but you can still see the faint sparkling but not much around it and you step closer.

Suddenly, the rain melts away to reveal a little grove and a giant tree standing tall and proud. The only thing that tells you were just in the rain is the fact that you’re soaking wet. You blink, step back, and the rain falls around you again. Another step forward, and the sun is shining again.

You rub your eyes, sure you must be going crazy. But the sunny area is still in front of your eyes. As much as your brain is screaming at you to turn back and make your way home, your curiosity gets the better of you. You take a few steps closer, marvelling at the old spring on either side of the stone pathway you’re on.

You’ve heard of the stories of the fae and magic surrounding this island, mostly from Mr Takeru himself, but you always chalked it up to him being old, as much as you thought it would be nice for it to be real. And here you are, standing in the middle of what can only be called magic surrounding you.

The area looks almost unoccupied, with more of the sparkles that drew you out of the house in the first place flitting around. You take a couple of steps closer when someone steps out from behind the tree. “What are you doing here?” You don’t recognise the figure standing in front of you, with perfectly coiffed hair and a frown upon his pouting lips.

You blink at him. “Uh, I was taking a walk and ended up here. What is this place?”

The blonde man blinks at you. “You don’t know? It’s the Goddess Spring, home of the tree that powers our island. Though…I guess you are new here.”

You frown, cocking your head. “Sorry if I seem rude, but I don’t think I’ve met you. Who are you?”

The stranger’s piercing blue eyes widen and he laughs, waving his hands. “Oh my, I can’t believe I forgot my manners. I’m Park Seonghwa, son of the mayor of this little island. My father speaks highly of you and how well you care for Mr Takeru.”

His hand is firm and warm although his palms are softer than San’s. “Nice to meet you, Seonghwa,” you smile at him warmly. “Your father speaks proudly of you as well.”

You can’t believe you haven’t made the connection. Seonghwa isn’t the spitting image of his father per se, but they look similar enough to each other, especially in their eyes. Mayor Gil and Seonghwa both have the same stare.

The young man smiles again, shaking his head. “My father can be passionate. Now that he’s older, he tells me he has less grievances against the world. But I am curious—what are you doing here? It’s still pouring out there.”

You shrug, a little embarrassed. “I was just following some…uh…sparkles.”

“Sparkles? Nothing else?” Seonghwa’s facial expression shifts to one of curiosity. Your eyebrows furrow at his intensity and his features soften as he chuckles. “Ah, I don’t mean to alarm you. This island has a rich history behind this little grove. Are you busy?”

You shrug, glancing behind you. “No, not really. I’m not really in the mood to walk all the way back to the farm in the rain. I’m a big history fan anyway.”

Seonghwa shrugs, gesturing to the stone bench up further on the stone pathway. “Come and sit then. The story starts with this tree.”

To be honest, you don’t understand much of what Seonghwa explains. Something about bells and trees powering the island, and how only the line of mayors and Mr Takeru’s family can see the magic. But Seonghwa seems so passionate about it, and you have no reason to disbelieve it, not when you’ve witnessed the grove itself, so you just smile and nod and do your best to comprehend.

Seonghwa is finishing up his story of how Mr Takeru single-handedly revived the island when he takes a glance at his watch and gasps. “I’ve kept you far too long,” he sighs, shaking his head. “I’m sure the rain has stopped, you should make your way back to the farm before it gets dark.”

Your brows furrow, glancing up to see the sun getting close to the west. “Oh, crap,” you gasp, “I need to start dinner. Do…do you happen to know the way back to the farm? I didn’t quite see how I got here.”

Seonghwa chuckles. “Yes, you can just take a left out here and follow the path down the mountain. It should lead you to the pond right by Aria Farm. I’ll see you around town, then.”

You nod, promising him to try and find time to visit him in town before booking your way out of the grove. He was right, the rain had slowed to a drizzle that hardly bothered you. You’re making your way down the mountain, rushing so much you can hardly enjoy the view you missed on your way up.

As soon as the blue roof of the farmhouse comes into vision, you can’t help but smile to yourself at the familiar sight. Your little adventure was fun but now it’s time to go back. As you unlock the door and swing it open, your vision is immediately blocked by a firm, warm chest and strong arms wrapping around you in a tight hug. “YN, where were you?”

San’s worried voice reaches your ears and your initial shock wears off as you tilt your head back to look at him. “I went on a walk and found some grove near the mountains,” you explain honestly, and San’s eyebrows raise into his bangs.

“A walk? YN, are you insane? I came around to make sure you both were okay and Mr Takeru told me he didn’t know where you had gone. It was a crazy storm out there too. You have to be careful, YN. I– you could’ve gotten hurt.”

San’s arms tighten around your shoulders and your face heats up as you pat his back awkwardly. “Well, I agree it was pretty stupid of me, but I’m fine and here! I won’t do it again, I promise,” you try and cheer him up while also doing your best to wriggle out of his grip. It’s embarrassing for you to be so close, you’re sure he can feel the heat radiating off of your ears. He’s too hot for you to be this close to and you need some space before you combust.

You finally manage to untangle yourself, offering a smile to ease the distance between the two. “How long were you waiting for me, anyway?”

San sighs, running a hand through his dark locks. “Maybe just about three hours? I think I was about ten minutes away from going out to look for you myself. I mean, the rain only stopped an hour ago, it’s understandable I was worried.”

He’s trying to convince himself more so than you, but you can’t really blame him. You would’ve been the same way in his shoes. You try not to think about what would happen if he had suddenly disappeared in the rain. “No, I really am sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you,” you shake your head, glancing away in guilt. “I just thought something was out there and went on a wild goose chase. Turns out it was just my eyes playing tricks on me. But in the grove I went to, I finally met the mayor’s son.”

San’s expression shifts to one of understanding. “Seonghwa? He’s nice, I’m glad you’ve met him.” He finally smiles back, softly, but shakes his head as if remembering where he is. “Er, I suppose I should let you go have dinner now. You must be hungry.”

He slips out of the door before you can even respond, the thought of inviting him for dinner only popping into your head as he’s already halfway down to the river, his form glowing gold in the sunset. You poke your head out to call for him, but your nerves get the better of you and you just watch him grow smaller and smaller in the distance.

“You should go for it.” A hoarse voice interrupts your swirling thoughts and you turn back to see Mr Takeru leaning on his cane and smiling kindly at you. “You’re young, and pretty. Anyone can see clear as day that San likes you. You know, he was quite worried when you were out.”

You swear there is steam radiating off of your face. “Ah, Mr Takeru, don’t get my hopes up,” you laugh. “There’s no way San sees me as much more than a friend. Now, let’s get dinner started, no?”

Mr Takeru just sighs, a melancholy smile on his face. “You should run right after him before it’s too late, you know. But yes, let’s have dinner YN.”

-

You stand in front of the door of the mayor’s house, debating whether to walk in or not. When you received an invitation for lunch from Seonghwa earlier this morning, he had assured you that you could walk right in without knocking, but you felt a little too awkward to do that.

“What are you doing here?” A sharp voice startles you and you jump, looking over your shoulder guiltily. A silver-haired man with sharp eyes and thick robes gazes at you with an uninterested expression on his face.

“Ah– Seonghwa invited me for lunch here,” you explain, glancing back at the door.

Before you can say anything, the strange, eccentric man brushes past you, the many bracelets and necklaces he has on jingling. “Well, then. He’s up to one of his schemes to get me to socialise again. He invited me for lunch too. Come on in.”

He swings the door open, stepping inside the house and you stare at him with wide eyes before scurrying after him. The outside of the house is filled with flowers lining the stepping stones, but the inside of the house is more mature in decor, with dark oak tables and brown wallpaper. The stranger glances at you, having noticed your eyes wandering the decor and he laughs shortly. “Quite the juxtaposition of interior and exterior, no? Mayor Gil’s late mother had designed the inside and so the mayor hasn’t had the heart to change it.”

You’re about to respond when one of the doors to your right slams open, revealing Seonghwa standing there with messy hair and a sullen look on his face. “Sorry, I’m going to have to cancel lunch. My father has fallen ill with cow fever. YN, I’m so sorry to have to turn you away but I don’t want you to catch it, or Mr Takeru for that matter.” He heaves a sigh, then turns to the stranger. “Hongjoong, could you do me a favour and bring me some medicine?”

The man—Hongjoong—nods sharply and spins on his heel, striding out the door without a moment’s hesitation. You falter just a moment, shooting Seonghwa a quick smile and ‘hope your father feels better soon’ before following Hongjoong’s steps out the door.

On your way home, you can’t help but wonder…what on earth is cow fever? You’ve never heard of such a thing. You’re too lost in thought you almost don’t see San waving at you from afar. “Ah, hey San!” you greet him with a quick wave and a smile. “Did you have lunch yet?”

A shrug is your answer and you laugh at San’s nonchalance. “Nah, I was just about to head out for some, though. How was your lunch?”

You shake your head. “It had to be cancelled. Mayor Gil came down with the cow fever, so we decided to reschedule.”

A pout forms on San’s face. “Well, I hope he gets better. Cow fever is no joke. But hey, since you didn’t have lunch, would you like to join me?”

Although it would mean you’d have to walk back to town, you can’t say ‘no’ to the smile on San’s face. “Sure, I’d be happy to,” you grin. “Inn? Do you want to get sandwiches and eat on the dock?”

The smile on San’s face widens. “It’s almost like you’re reading my mind. Let’s eat on the dock.”

Without another word, he hooks his arm around yours and pulls you in the direction of the barn. “Ah– San, the town is the other way, you know.”

San laughs again, loud and bright. “Yeah, I know. We’ll take Emma.”

It takes a moment to register. “The cow? San, are you crazy?” you gasp, but there’s still a giggle present in your tone. “First, we have a horse. Second, I don’t even know how to ride a horse, much less a cow!”

“That doesn’t matter,” San grins impossibly wider, his dimples deep. “Emma’s sweet, she’s an easier ride than Princess. Plus, I want Princess to have some more bonding time with her foal. Come on, I promise it’ll be fun.”

You groan good-naturedly but can’t keep the smile off your face as the two of you approach the well-mannered cow. “Fine,” you agree. “How do I get on?”

Instead of answering your question like a normal human being, San places his hands on your waist. For a moment, you’re lost in his firm grip, but it doesn’t last long as he lifts you and places you on Emma’s back, a shriek emitting from your mouth. “San!” you laugh, looking down to see San’s eyes crinkling as he chuckles and pats your thigh. “Warn me next time!”

“So there’ll be a next time?”

“You’re focusing on the wrong thing,” you scold lightly, turning away so he won’t see your flushing cheeks. “Come on, let’s go. I’m hungry.”

You can hear San laugh to himself one more time before hopping up behind you and wrapping an arm around your waist. Immediately, your mind is taken back to that rainy day almost a month ago when he hugged you and your cheeks burn even more. “Hold on tight,” San hums, leaning forward till his lips are right by your ear.

And once again, he doesn’t give you time to mentally prepare before Emma runs down the path towards the town. You’re terrified, hands gripping so tightly on San’s that you’re sure your nails will leave indents. But somehow, you’re enjoying yourself taking a wild ride on a cow of all things. Maybe it helps that San’s body is pressed against yours and you can feel the heat radiating off him.

You’re practically in a daze when you reach the town, San lifting you off Emma much more gently than when he put you on her. “You good?” he asks, and you snort, shaking your head fondly.

“God, I can’t believe I did that. I can’t believe you made me do that. But yes, I’m good. More than good, even. That was fun.” You chuckle mostly to yourself, brushing your hair out of your eyes. “Come on, let’s eat.”

It’s your turn to grab San’s warm hand and pull him in the direction of the inn, the little bell tinkling as you step inside. Mai smiles at the two of you, waving you both over to her station. “Hello, you two. Looking for some lunch this fine morning?”

“Yep,” San leans on the counter with his elbow, ignoring the glare the head chef, Chihaya, sends him. Mai hides her smile extremely badly. “Could I get the tuna sandwich? And whatever YN’s getting.”

Your head snaps towards him. “Oh, no, no, San, don’t worry about it. I can pay for my own,” you decline as quickly as you can, but he raises an eyebrow in response.

“It’s my treat, YN. Don’t fight me on this, I’ll win. I invited you out, so it’s only right I pay.”

You narrow your eyes at him. “But–”

“No buts, okay? Don’t worry, I’m perfectly capable of paying for the both of us. Let me do this, YN. Just order, okay?” San holds up a hand, and you know he’s won.

With a sigh, you concede. “Fine. But next time, I’ll pay, and no buts.” San raises his hands in defeat. Satisfied, you turn back to Mai. “Could I get an egg sandwich?”

Mai chuckles, writing down your order in her little notebook. “It’s cute to see you two together. Poor San has been lonely for a long time.”

“We’re not dating,” you quickly correct her, face heating up in embarrassment.

“And I’m not lonely!” San interjects, pout on his face, and his cuteness in that moment makes you forget how awkward you were about Mai’s statement.

“Okay,” Mai chirps, clearly disbelieving the two of you, but before you can refute any longer, Chihaya stalks over, handing the two of you nicely wrapped sandwiches.

“Mai, stop bothering them. You two, go eat. See you later,” he shuts down the conversation, waving the two of you away.

Both San and you exchange a look before quickly leaving the inn, Mai’s sweet giggles trailing behind the two of you until the door shuts behind you. “Well then. Dock?”

You snort, nodding. “Dock.”

You skip your way through town to the dock, empty aside from the local fisherman about to head inside for his own lunch break. The wind isn’t too harsh today, something you appreciate so that the sea’s waves don’t get close to your feet. Neither you nor San feel the need to talk as you work through your lunches, the food delicious enough to keep your mouths occupied.

You finish your sandwich much earlier than San, leaning back on your arms as you sneak a peek at his side profile while he continues to eat, unaware. Something about his focused gaze on his sandwich seems to draw your gaze. As you wait, you can’t help but think back to Mai’s words, unable to keep your mind from daydreaming about Choi San.

Ever since that fateful day in the rain, the hug he had given you keeps popping up in your mind at the most inopportune times…like right now. You can already feel heat rising to your face once again and you quickly focus your eyes on the horizon to do your best to rid yourself of such thoughts.

You can’t afford to like San, not like that. Not when you have no idea what you’re going to do after this job, or even where you’ll go. This little island feels more like home than the big city did, but you don’t know where your life could fit in here. Not when it feels like everyone already has their place in the town.

“What are you thinking about?” You blink yourself back to reality, where San has finished his sandwich and is looking at you with such a fond look in his eyes. “You look lost in your head.”

You shrug, bringing your legs up to your chest and resting your chin on your knees. “I don’t know…” you murmur, a melancholy smile playing on your lips. “Just the future, I guess. What I’ll do later.”

San hums, his hand coming to rest close to your own, and you push back thoughts of grasping his worn, warm palm. “I get it. Before I started working for Mr Takeru, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do either. I bounced from ranch to ranch, even started over at Marimba Farm for a time until Mr Takeru offered me a job.”

“Is that where you met Yunho?”

At your question, San chuckles. “Yeah. He hired me at Marimba when it was first starting out, then recommended me to Mr Takeru after he was able to manage it with the help of Wooyoung. Yunho is one of my oldest friends here.”

“It must be nice to have that close of a friend,” you state, more to yourself than anything, but San hears you anyway, his brows furrowing with light concern. “Say…who’s Hongjoong? I met him briefly at Seonghwa’s before I had to go home. I’ve never seen him around before.”

San hums, tilting his head so he can look into your eyes more clearly. You fight to keep the blush of your cheeks. “Hongjoong runs the clinic, and does fortune telling on the side. He’s descended from a long line of wizards, and his paternal family has run the clinic for a very long time. Why?”

You shrug. “I heard something about him getting medicine for Mayor Gil. Thought it might be interesting to talk to him about the island’s medical practices. Since I’m a nurse and all.” You laugh, shaking your head. “Maybe I’m a little curious too. He dresses nothing like the other islanders.”

San chuckles alongside you. “His robes are the traditional wear for the wizards of this island. He does quite enjoy talking about the history behind them, so you should ask him about it some time. Any other trivia I can answer for you?”

His tone is light, teasing, and you snort and shove at his shoulder. “Shut up, can’t a girl be curious? I get it, you don’t like me.”

“You and I both know that’s the furthest thing from true.” San shakes his head, and you freeze, aware of what he’s implying.

“San–” You’re unsure of what to say. “I’m–”

“You don’t have to say anything,” San laughs, leaning in to tap his forehead against yours. “Not right now, at least. I’ll give you time to think about it. Now come on, let’s get back to the farm.”

Before you can blink, he’s already on his feet and holding out a hand to help you stand. After a moment's hesitation, you reach out as well, placing your hand in his. As he pulls you up, he leans forward to press his lips against the side of your head and you duck your head, heat rushing to your face.

The walk home is silent, but not uncomfortably so. Instead of riding Emma back, San lets her amble along the path on her own. You walk side by side, fingertips not quite brushing, stealing glances at each other and soft smiles. Maybe it's because he finally put words to what the two of you have, but you can’t help but wonder exactly why both of you are suddenly so open with how much you care for each other.

As he walks you to the front door of the farmhouse, he clears his throat, obviously wanting to say something. You turn to him expectantly, taking note of the nervousness in his eyes. “YN…” he mumbles, a far cry from the confident man he was on the dock. “No matter how you end up feeling, please don’t leave the island because of it. Everyone here likes you, even though you don’t really know them well. And Mr Takeru is terribly fond of you. Don’t let me influence your life too much, okay?”

You sigh, body visibly relaxing. “Of course not, San. I’ve grown to love it here. I don’t think even you can keep me away.”

San chuckles at your feeble attempt at a joke, out of pity, you think. “Okay, okay. Have a good day, YN.”

You close the door behind you, smiling to yourself subconsciously. “Miss YN, is that you?” Mr Takeru calls out, and you shake your head, willing your brain to clear up before quickly making your way to your employer.

“I’m here, Mr Takeru!”

-

You awkwardly stand at the bar, waiting for Wooyoung to finish up with a customer. The bar is the last place you would usually be, but you’re at a loss. San’s words have been replaying in your head since that fateful day on the dock, and you haven't spoken to him since. Not that he’s bothered by it. True to his word, San had been giving you space, only exchanging soft, sweet, ‘good morning’s and gentle smiles.

As each day passed, you knew what your answer would be, but then a letter arrived today from your agency back home. A reminder your contract was almost up. You knew you had to make a decision, fast.

“All right, what’s going on in your head, missy?” Wooyoung’s voice breaks you out of your swirling thoughts. “You look like you’re about to be sick, and I don’t want to have to take you to the doctor’s.”

You open your mouth, close it again, and then reopen. “Wooyoung, do you know if the clinic has any job openings?”

Wooyoung furrows his brow, frowning. “Well, you’ve picked the worst person to ask this question to. I’ve never gone to the clinic before, and Hongjoong never comes in here. But they might. Hongjoong’s grandfather recently retired, so as Mr Van takes his role, there might be a job opening soon. I think Mao was thinking about volunteering there, though. You’d have to talk to Hongjoong about it. Why?”

You hesitate, eyes moving from side to side. No one is close enough to hear you over the music. “Did San talk to you at all in the past week?”

Understanding dawns in Wooyoung’s eyes. “Ah. He told us what happened, but let me hear what you think of it. All our regulars are here already so I won't have to make any more drinks for a while.”

A sigh makes its way out of your throat. “My contract with Mr Takeru is ending soon. The easy answer is to renew, but what about after that? I don’t know where I could work, other than the hospital, and if Mao wants to work there, I don’t want to take that opportunity away from him.”

Wooyoung laughs. “I said he would volunteer, not work. He’s the fisherman’s son, the sea is in his blood. But even if you don’t work at the clinic, San would probably be happy to support you until you find something.”

You shake your head tiredly. “But I don’t want him to. He already works so hard, and I don’t want to make him feel obligated to help me, not when I’m capable of supporting myself and it’s just me overthinking.”

There’s a pause, and then Wooyoung dissolves into laughter. “YN, he would be helping you because he wants to. Hell, any of us would be willing to help you. Yunho could use someone to help him on his own farm, I’m sure Seonghwa would like to have a secretary, hell, I could use you as a server. You’re worrying too much about it. Things will work out if you want them to.”

You wince. “I know, I know. I just worry, you know.”

“Well, don’t,” Wooyoung teases. “Just talk to San. He’ll understand.”

“As always, your advice is impeccable,” you smile. “Thanks, Wooyoung, really.”

“It’s what I do,” Wooyoung winks, sliding a glass over. “Have a drink before you go, okay? I’m not getting paid to gossip, you know.”

You squint at him. “Don’t you own this bar?” All Wooyoung does is smile knowingly and nod towards the cup of…something. You take a tentative sip, and then another, and then it hits. The sweet but tangy flavour with a hint of bitterness from the alcohol. “Oh, this is good! What is it?”

“Raspberry cocktail,” he answers, way too proud of his creation. “I perfected the recipe today, as well as a few others. You should try those ones too.”

You laugh, downing the rest of your drink. “Sure, sure, go ahead. I’m almost never here anyway.”

Wooyoung practically vibrates in excitement, moving around the kitchen in a dash to prepare your next drink. You’re on your third drink and too busy laughing at Wooyoung’s antics to notice the presence behind you. When Wooyoung slides you your next drink, you ask, “Which one is this?”

“This one is your last drink,” a firm voice speaks up and you snap your head around, startled, to come face to face with San. “You still have work tomorrow, YN, you can't get too drunk.”

“Hey, Sanah,” you beam up at him, unbothered by his close proximity. You blame it on the alcohol. His eyes soften as he looks down at you, a smile tugging at his lips. “I was just talking about you!”

“Oh, were you?” San leans down, pressing his forehead against yours. “All good, I hope. Come on, finish your drink and let’s get you home.”

Without much further prompting, you down the rest of your drink and wave at Wooyoung, who is watching the two of you with an amused expression plastered on his face. “Bye, now,” he sing-songs, “get home safe.”

San rolls his eyes good naturedly, nodding at Wooyoung and sliding some money over to pay for your few drinks. “Have a good night, Youngah.” He wraps an arm around your shoulders, helping you stand and pulling you out of the inn. “What am I gonna do with you, huh?”

You hum, turning your head to press your face into his shoulder. “I dunno,” you mumble into him, breathing in the smell of his soap. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do if I end up out of a job. You’re too perfect, I can’t drag you down.” You don’t mean to say all this, but the alcohol is still coursing through your system and the courage still sits in your stomach.

San intakes a sharp breath. “What do you mean by that?”

You shrug. “You have a job, a life here. I’m here temporarily. When my contract ends next month, what am I supposed to do? I don’t want to go back to the city and leave you here, but I don’t have any idea what I’m supposed to do here.”

San sighs, letting his head sit atop yours, his cheek pressed against your hair. “Well, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. I wouldn’t mind if you went back to the city if you visited. I wouldn’t mind if you stayed with me until you get back on your feet if you decide to end your contract. Hell, I’m sure Mr Takeru would be happy to employ you on his own dime, or someone else in town would take you on. But I’m glad you came to me, okay? I want to help you.”

You can feel your eyes stinging, and you curse yourself for drinking so much that it makes you too emotional for your liking. “Okay,” you concede with a soft voice. “Thank you, San.”

He presses a soft kiss to your forehead. “Of course, YN,” he smiles, and although you can’t see it, you hear it in his voice. “Now let’s talk later, okay? You need to go to bed.”

“Later sounds good,” you sigh, letting your body weight lean even more against San’s broad shoulders. “See you later.”

“Not right now,” San chuckles. “We’re almost home, come on. As much as it’s safe on the island, it’s chilly tonight, and I think you’d probably prefer sleeping in a bed.”

“Hmm, bed,” you repeat, yawning. “I like the idea.”

“I’m sure you do.”

The rest of the night is mostly calm, save for San convincing you to go to the bathroom to change, and not undressing in front of him. As he helps you brush your hair as you sit on your bed, you can’t help but to reach up and put your hands on his waist.

“You know, I really like you,” you mumble. The alcohol has almost faded, but the tiredness has hit and you’re just as loopy as if you were still drunk. “I hope you know that.”

San chuckles, his hands slowing to a stop in your hair. “I do, YN. I do.” He leans down, pressing another kiss to the top of your head. “Get some rest, okay? I’ll see you in the morning.”

He turns to leave, but not until you grab his wrist. “Wait! What about here?” you pout, pointing to your lips, and San arches an eyebrow, a smile toying at the corners of his lips and a laugh threatening to escape.

“Maybe tomorrow, if you ask me, okay? Good night, YN.” And with that, he leaves you to sleep, a smile plastered onto your face as you dream of his touch.

When you reawaken, you feel fully rested, yawning as you slip out of bed quickly and easily. A quick glance at your clock tells you it’s almost noon and you curse yourself for drinking so heavily. You’re never letting Wooyoung talk you into such a thing again.

As you make your way out of your room, you find Mr Takeru sitting on the couch. “Miss YN, come sit with me, okay? I want to talk to you.”

You pause, heart freezing. “Ah– sure, Mr Takeru. Nothing bad, I hope.”

The older man chuckles, waving his hand. “Of course not. This is something both Wooyoung and San have come to me about.”

You blink. “Ah.” You’re going to kill Wooyoung, and think about killing San (You’re too attached to him to follow though).

Mr Takeru laughs again. “I said it wasn’t bad, child, don’t look like you’re about to faint, please. San had expressed his affection for you to me, and Wooyoung has talked about how, in his words, ‘both of them are dumb as rocks and won’t date yet’. I’m quite aware that your contract with me is ending soon.” He pauses to take in a breath. “I would like to offer you a job with me off contract. That means you won’t be with your agency anymore.”

You blink at him. “I…I’m sorry, it’s a lovely offer, and I’m quite inclined to take it, but can I ask why? I mean, it would be cheaper for you to hire from the agency, and I’m sure I could figure something else out.”

“Miss YN, I’m sure you’re well aware I am not in much need of money. San runs the farm beautifully, and even though he is paid generously, the earnings far exceed what I need. And, as I have talked to Mayor Gil, Seonghwa, and Hongjoong, the clinic is happy to contract you so that in the case that I no longer require your services, you may work with them.”

You blink at him, your lower lip quivering. It takes you a moment to compose yourself, and Mr Takeru waits patiently. “The offer is so generous, and I would be a fool to decline it. I really do appreciate it, Mr Takeru.”

Your boss smiles. “Don’t worry about it, okay? Think of it as a favour to San as well. He’s worked for me for so long, he’s like one of my own grandchildren.” He pauses, letting out a yawn. “Now, go find him and tell him the good news, okay? I’d like to take a long nap.”

With a moment to compose yourself, you stand from the couch. “Thank you again, Mr Takeru,” you repeat sincerely. “I’ll prep lunch and put it in the fridge for when you wake up, okay?”

He waves you away, already getting ready to lay down on the couch. “Don’t worry about it. Mayor Gil is coming around to have lunch with me, and he’ll bring me something from the inn.” With another yawn, you know your conversation is over, and you spin on your heel and race out of the house, only one thing on your mind.

“San, are you in here?” you call out as you reach the ajar barn doors. “I need to talk to you.”

“I’ll be right down, just filling up the dispenser.” You can hear San’s voice from the loft and you look up, squinting through the sunrays filtering through the holes in the roof. The carpenters have been working on fixing that before the next rain.

Your gaze is drawn away by San climbing down the ladder, an extra bale of hay perched on his shoulders. As he turns around and you catch a glimpse of his face, your breath catches in your throat.

There wasn't ever a time where you thought sweat and grime on a person could be attractive…at least until right at this very moment. Sweat is glistening on his face, dripping off his cheekbones and chin, and all you can think about is swiping your tongue over his lips to taste it. The sight of it only serves to remind you of your drunken request to San, and his one condition that you ask him about it the next day.

“YN? Is there something you wanted to ask me?”

You blink up at him, eyes wide. “Can I get my kiss now?”

That was not what was supposed to come out of your mouth, but it’s too late to rectify it, so you’re left looking up at a dumbfounded San. The silence goes on for just a tad too long and you’re too embarrassed to face him now, so you turn on your heel and start to exit the barn, hopefully to drown your sorrows and yourself in the hot spring.

Before you can even step foot onto the threshold, however, San grabs your arm and gently tugs you into his warm chest. “Now wait just a moment,” he hums, chest vibrating against your back. His smell fills your mind and you tilt your gaze up to see him looking right back at you with such warmth in his eyes. “I didn’t give you your kiss yet.”

“Oh–” is all you manage to squeak out before San’s lips are on yours and you immediately melt into the kiss. His arm pulls you even closer against his body, his lips soft and inviting. “San–”

He doesn’t give you a moment to speak, his mouth capturing every sound escaping past your lips. You can feel every breath against your lips, his tongue pressing against the seam of your lips. Slowly, you part your lips for him and he wastes no time to map out your mouth, taking the air out of your lungs at how desperately he kisses.

As you fall deeper into his embrace, your arms come to loop around his waist, resting by his hips as your hands grip onto his shirt. His own hands roam up and down your sides, gripping at your waist and keeping you pulled against him. One of them finds its way to your face, cupping it with a gentleness that rivals the roughness of his mouth.

You could stay here like this for hours, but your lungs disagree, and after they scream at you for some air, you finally pull away, gasping softly as you lean your forehead against San’s. “San,” you call his name again, although this time your words aren’t interrupted by his lips but your lack of air. You take in one more breath, San waiting patiently as he looks at you like you put the stars in the sky yourself. “San, I like you. And I’m sure I’m just stating the obvious, but again, I do. I want to stay here with you, and just this morning Mr Takeru has offered me a personal contract with him. That’s what I wanted to tell you.”

San laughs, his hand on your waist moving up to stroke your cheek. “I know, YN. I asked Mr Takeru to make you the offer. Or, to be more precise, I implied that he should make you the offer, and I did that because Wooyoung implied to me to do that.” He tilts his head to press a short and sweet kiss to your lips again, chuckling to himself at how you follow his lips when he pulls back.

“Of course he did,” you roll your eyes good-naturedly, nodding as you lean up on your tiptoes to try and steal another kiss. “Nothing will ever be kept secret with his big mouth. Can we go back to kissing now? It’s easier.”

You can practically see the eagerness shine to San’s eyes. Instead of an answer, he tilts his head down to meet your waiting lips. This time, though, your makeout session is sadly cut short.

“So you two are finally together?”

You’re not too embarrassed to admit you shrieked, jumping out of your skin and burying your face in San’s chest. You can hear both San and Seonghwa chuckle, San’s arm tightening around your body. “Thanks to you, Seonghwa,” San hums. “We both really appreciate your role in this.”

“It’s no problem whatsoever. And as surly as Hongjoong can be, he’s happy to have someone else on board. But I’ll let you two get back to…talking. I was just passing through to have lunch with the jeweller. Have a good day, you two.” With a wave that you see out of the corner of your eye, Seonghwa leaves.

“I’m never going back to the town hall again,” you mumble against San’s shirt. “I can’t face Seonghwa again.”

San rubs your back with a comforting hand, although you can feel his chest rumble with quiet laughter. “I’m sure he understands, YN. Plus, look on the bright side. At least he didn’t walk in on a more intimate moment.”

Your head snaps up, heat blooming in your cheeks as you slap his shoulder. “San! We’re in the barn!”

A smirk is the only warning you get before San wraps both his arms around you and hoists you into the air, ignoring your squeal. “My house is just across the creek, you know. We don’t have to be in the barn.” You swear he can see how flustered you are just by your expression, and it only seems to egg him on. His one hand moves down to hold you up by your thighs, and you don’t think your face could get any hotter. “Shall we celebrate?”

“San–” you start to decline, but then you pause, casting a glance over your shoulder. Seeonghwa is long gone, and you’re sure Mr Takeru and the Mayor will be talking for a good few hours. “...All right. But put me down!”

Laughing, San happily sets you on your feet, leaning in to press his lips against yours again. “I really am glad you decided to stay, YN. Thank you for choosing me.”

“And if given the chance, I would choose you over and over San.” You smile up at him, reaching up to cup his face and pull him in for yet another kiss. Although the future seems uncertain, you’ll be happy to navigate it with him by your side.

[airybcby]

hii <3 my top song was i miss u, im sorry by gracie abrams

NOW THIS IS A SONG I CAN WRITE ABT FOR HOURS

if your top song was i miss you, i'm sorry by gracie abrams, i'd pair you with...

oliver aiku

જ⁀♡⊹｡° nothing happened in the way i wanted

♡ a/n — for my spotify wrapped event - masterlist - ** THIS EVENT IS NOW CLOSED **

♡ content — oliver aiku x gn! reader, gn! reader, established relationship, late night call, oliver misses reader BAD, mentions of alcohol

♡ synopsis — oliver aiku's been haunted by your ghost since you broke up with him, little does he know, you've also been plagued by memories of him

The apartment hasn’t changed much since you left.

It’s been months—maybe a year, he doesn’t really keep track anymore. The days blend together like the city lights outside his window, faint glimmers in the haze of a life lived too fast. But he can still feel you here, like you never really left.

Every corner of the place holds a piece of you. The couch still smells faintly like your shampoo. There’s a chip in the kitchen counter from that night you got too animated with a wine bottle, laughing so hard he almost forgot to stop you before you knocked it over. The bedroom—the one he hasn’t slept in since—is worse. It’s a mausoleum of all the things he lost, haunted by the warmth that used to fill it.

Oliver leans against the doorway, staring at the unmade bed. You hated when he left it a mess, and yet here it is, sheets tangled and pillows scattered like he’s still waiting for you to come back and fix it.

He runs a hand through his hair, frustration bubbling up. How did he let it get this bad? How did he get this bad?

The answer comes like it always does: because he’s Oliver Aiku. The man who ruins good things. The man who knew how to charm you into his life but not how to keep you there.

He sits on the edge of the bed, head in his hands. The memories hit harder in the silence. The fights—god, the fights—play out like a movie reel he can’t turn off. Your voice, raised in frustration, asking him why he always had to pull away. Him, deflecting with a cocky grin or a dismissive comment, too scared to admit that you mattered more than he could handle.

“I miss fighting in your old apartment,” you’d said once, after one of those rare, quiet nights together. It was a joke, your way of saying you hated arguing but loved him too much to walk away. He didn’t realize then how close you were to the edge, how much it took for you to stay when he gave so little in return.

And now he misses it too. Misses you.

His phone buzzes on the nightstand. For a second, his heart leaps—it’s a reflex, stupid and desperate—but of course it’s not you. It’s never you. He hasn’t heard your voice since the day you walked out, your face a mix of heartbreak and determination as you said, “I can’t keep waiting for you to grow up, Oliver.”

He still doesn’t know if he’s grown up.

The phone buzzes again. A text from a friend, probably asking him to hit the club. The thought makes him nauseous. He used to love the chaos, the noise, the way it drowned out everything real. Now it just feels hollow.

He picks up the phone, hesitates, and sets it back down.

You’re gone, but you’re still here—in the chipped counters, the unmade bed, the faint traces of your laugh that echo when he least expects it. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever let you go, or if he even wants to.

Oliver stands, his silhouette framed by the city lights. The night is eerily quiet, save for the distant hum of traffic below. He runs a hand through his hair, his chest heavy with the weight of everything unsaid, everything unresolved.

The phone buzzes again, and his heart skips a beat when he sees your name.

It’s been months. Long enough that he’d convinced himself you hated him. Long enough that he’d tried to hate you, too—but failed miserably.

This time, he doesn’t hesitate. His thumb swipes across the screen, and he presses the phone to his ear, unsure if he even remembers how to breathe. “Hello?”

For a second, there’s only silence. Then, he hears your breath on the other end of the line, shaky and uneven. “Oliver.”

Just your voice—soft, hesitant, laced with something he can’t quite place—is enough to unravel him. His jaw tightens, his free hand balling into a fist at his side. “It’s late,” he says, his voice low and careful, because he doesn’t trust himself to say anything else.

“I know,” you whisper, and he can hear the faint hum of music in the background, the kind you used to play when the nights got too heavy. “I just... I don’t know why I called.”

He closes his eyes, leaning against the cold glass of the window. “Are you okay?”

You laugh, but it’s hollow, more like a sigh than anything else. “Do you really care?”

The question slices through him, sharp and cruel, even though he knows you don’t mean it that way. Of course he cares. He’s cared every single day since you left. But before he can find the words to say it, you’re speaking again, your voice cracking just slightly.

“I thought... I thought I’d hate you by now,” you admit, and he can picture you, curled up on your couch, staring at the phone like it’s something you wish you didn’t have to hold. “But I don’t. And that makes it worse.”

His breath hitches. He wants to say something, anything, but the words stick in his throat.

“I shouldn’t have called,” you say suddenly, a little sharper now, like you’re trying to pull yourself back together. “Just—forget it, okay?”

“No,” he says quickly, the word tumbling out before he can stop it. “Wait.”

The silence stretches, heavy and fragile, and he’s afraid you’ll hang up before he can figure out what to say. But then, softly, barely loud enough for him to hear, you whisper: “I miss you.”

His chest tightens, and for a moment, he forgets how to breathe.

“Goodnight, Oliver,” you add before he can respond, your voice trembling but resolute.

The line goes dead, and he’s left staring at the phone, your words echoing in his mind.

He sets it down gently, his hands shaking. For a long time, he just stands there, staring at the city lights that blur and smear through his tears. He doesn’t leave the apartment that night. Instead, he sits in the dark, letting the memories wash over him like a tide he’s too tired to fight.

And for the first time in his life, Oliver Aiku doesn’t try to run from the things he’s lost.

i would fold immediately for him, but yk i made reader stronger than i ever will be

i hope you liked it!

likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated!

[cutiebinni]

172 with myunggi?

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ // i wait for you - exes to lovers with myung-gi

warning !! : angsty, set in incheon south korea, myunggi is a bad bf, cussing, think thats all !

a/n : i love this trope so bad. yes, the title is derived from that one alex g song! (this is SO bad im sobbing guys)

── ⟢ ・⸝⸝

you’d send text after text, but you’d never get one back.

it frustrated you, really.

you didn’t understand why he couldn’t just text you back, give you at least some closure.

you’d been texting him for 7 fucking months. would he ever get back to you? if he did, what would he even say?

what do you even say in that position? how could he ever possibly explain himself?

fine.

you give up.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

1 month later

the phone ringing woke you up in the middle of the night. you looked up at your ceiling to where the time projected.

3:27 am.

who the fuck would be calling you this late? you grab your phone and look at the number.

INCOMING CALL FROM 032-XXXX-XXXX

a number you didnt know was calling you at 3 in the morning? that’s odd..

it had to be pretty important if they couldn’t wait til morning, so you answered. you tapped answer and pressed the phone up to your ear. “hello?” you mumbled.

“h-hello? is this- y/n, oh my god, is that r-really you?” the voice, which you presumed to be a guy, rambled on.

was he.. crying?

“who is this?” you questioned, “how do you know my name?”

“do you really not recognize my voice? y/n-ah, its myung-gi..”

you froze.

myung-gi’s calling you? after all this time?

“what do you want?” you spat coldly.

“listen, baby, i’m sorry—“

“no, i don’t wanna hear your ‘im sorry’ bullshit. what do you want?”

“can you let me finish?” he said frustrated. “im sorry. i know what i did was wrong. do you think we could meet up..? i wanna..-“ he sniffled before continuing,

“i need to explain everything. i know you pr-probably hate me, but please, y/n..”

you hesitated, part of you wanting to decline and hang up, but you were curious. “fine,” you started, “where do you want to meet?”

“really? u-uh.. remember the park we used to go to? what about there? 8pm?”

you sighed, “i guess i’ll be there.”

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

it was five degrees out, about 4 inches of snow covered the ground. your feet sunk into the ground with every step you took.

you had put on a puffy black jacket, a scarf and some warm earmuffs.

you saw a bench that was covered in snow and walked over to it. you drew a little heart in the snow with your gloved hand before wiping all the snow off and sitting down.

5 minutes later, you still sat there on the wooden park bench, freezing your ass off.

and then you saw him.

“y/n..” he mumbled. bags under his eyes, heavier than ever. nose red from the cold.. or was it from crying? you stood up and he walked over to you.

“hi myeong.” you muttered back in a slightly cold tone. he ran up to hug you, and you gently pushed him off. “what did you want to see me for?”

“i just wanted to see you. hear your voice in person, you look so pretty, prettier than ever.. my y/n-“

“don’t call me that. im not yours anymore.”

he took a step back, your words feeling like ice cold water to the face, like a reality check. “right.. i uh.. sorry.”

“do you really think you can just walk back into my life like this? like nothing ever happened?”

“i- well, i..” he said before shaking his head, clearing his throat and continuing,

“i had to do what i did. you know how many people are after me. i didn’t wanna risk your life. y/n, i’m 1.8 billion won in debt. other people are in the same amount of debt because of me. im wanted by the police. me being with you risks your life.”

“you could have at least told me something.. i was worried sick. i thought you died.”

"i know," he said, his voice breaking. "i was scared. scared of being vulnerable, of dragging you into my mess. but i realize now that pushing you away was the worst thing i could have done.”

you sighed. "i don't know if I can just forgive you like that. you hurt me.”

"i understand," he said, tears in his eyes, "but i’m here now, and i want to make things right. if you'll let me."

you looked at him, seeing the sincerity in his eyes. “it’s gonna take time. you’ll have to be patient.”

he grabbed your hand, frantically nodding, “i’ll wait, y/n. i’ll do whatever i can.”

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

months passed, and true to his word, he was patient. he showed up, he listened, and he worked to rebuild the trust.

slowly, the walls you had built around your heart began to crumble.

one evening, as the sun set, you found yourselves back at the park, sitting together on that same bench.

he turned to you, his eyes full of love and hope. "i’ve missed you so much. more than you'll ever know."

you smiled, feeling the warmth of his words. "i’ve missed you too."

he leaned in, hesitating for a moment before you closed the distance, your lips meeting in a kiss that felt like coming home.

in that moment, all the hurt and pain melted away, replaced by a love that was stronger than ever.

⊹˚₊─────────────────‧₊˚⊹

tags : @ventforu @zuminxtdoor @enhacracy

[slytherinshua]

DATING LEEHAN AS SUNGHO'S YOUNGER SISTER !

genre. fluff. headcanons. warnings. this is kind of a mess and disorganized cause i was just writing whatever came to mind ++ most of this is pretty sungho focused im ngl?? cause i wanted to focus on the dynamics and how it would be different from just dating leehan headcanons... pairing. leehan x fem!reader (reader is sungho's younger sister). wc. 966. request. requested by anon: I was wondering if you could do headcanons of what it would be like to be sungho’s younger sibling & you’re dating leehan a/n. this idea is rly cute :( and i wanted to do it earlier i swear and we are gonna pretend like this request isn't literally a year old IM SORRY 😞 bye its literally from last july that's embarrassing 😭 BUT IM GETTING TO IT NOW <3

dating leehan when you're sungho's younger sister would be nerve-wracking as hell at the beginning of the relationship, specifically when you need to break the news to sungho

and more-so for leehan because you honestly don't care if sungho doesn't like that you're dating his friends, but you are a bit worried that it'll be awkward at first

whereas leehan is scared shitless because what if sungho suddenly hates him for it???

but sungho barely even blinks when you announce that leehan is your boyfriend because he knew that you had a crush on his friend and he also knew even more that leehan secretly liked you

he wouldn't have ever pictured you two together at first but once he sees how happy you both are, he's totally supportive of the relationship <3

but he does threaten you to never break up with leehan cause he doesn't want it to be awkward between him and his friend lol

sungho isn't particularly overprotective as a brother unless he needs to be, and then he is very protective of you

you two both have a very playful and close relationship, and more often than not you're just in a constant competition of who can annoy the other the most

and when you start dating leehan, sungho gets a massive upper hand in this game

because he knows your boyfriend better than you do at first, especially when it comes to leehan's habits

because leehan always tries to act as charming as he can in front of you

i mean, he's a boy in love, so of course he's always trying to put his best self forward <3

but it becomes quite hard to do that when sungho starts to randomly drop pieces of info about him just to piss you off lmao

poor leehan is caught in the middle of you two bickering and praying that sungho doesn't expose any awful secret to you or something 😭

another thing that would cause some frustration is trying to have any private time with your boyfriend :(

like i said, sungho doesn't strike me as overprotective but he absolutely will randomly open your door when he knows leehan and you are hanging out solely with the purpose of teasing you

does he get a pillow thrown at his head for this? yes.

is it leehan or you who throws it? who knows...

he also loves to make overdramatic gagging noises and disgusted faces whenever you show even an ounce of pda

even if it’s just hugging, sungho will act like it's the most disgusting thing he's ever seen

kissing is a whole other level like he'll deadass tell you two to get a room 😭

leehan originally thought that sungho must know everything about you given that he's literally your brother

but he's extremely disappointed when he realizes that he far surpasses sungho in y/n-knowledge 

leehan picks up on everything about you to the point that sungho is the one asking him things 😭

because when your birthday comes around, leehan has a whole list of possible things to get you and do for you

and sungho doesn't even know what your current obsession is

but something that sungho finds really wholesome about your relationship with leehan from an older brother perspective is how you match his interests :(

you'll absolutely do anything with leehan and engage in all of his obsessions, just like he does with you

and sungho likes watching that happen cause he does truly adore both of you 

and he learns to adore both of you together more than separate

he hates when he has to be a bridge between you two whenever you get into an argument though

he'll have to hear both sides of it before deciding which side he's on

because while he'd love to pick your side every time and put family first, he knows that sometimes you get into stupid fights over nothing

and leehan is usually pretty reasonable

when it is actually leehan's fault, sungho is pissed though

and if leehan didn't already feel awful about fighting with you, he now has to hear sungho give him an earful on how he better not make you cry ever again 

basically when you are happy and leehan is happy, sungho is happy too

except when he's forced to be a third-wheel, then he's questioning why he ever allowed this relationship to exist

yk that question of like "if you had to introduce your sister to one of the members, who would it be?" yeah sungho had always hated that question

but after months of leehan and you dating, he realizes that it's a lot better that you're dating one of his members than a random guy he's never met

because he knows leehan is a good person and wouldn't play with your heart or treat you badly ever and it makes him really excited that two of the people closest to him are in love :( it's wholesome

i rambled a lot about sungho so let me talk a bit about leehan <3

he always finds it funny when he sees pieces of sungho in you and he always points it out

any mannerism or preference that you have that is similar to sungho's, leehan finds it so interesting!!

he loves to play into sungho's disgust at pda by giving you a kiss whenever he enters the room 

or when you steal his hoodie and sungho catches onto it, leehan just wears the biggest most proud smile ever :( he's so in love with you and wants to show you off everywhere he goes

overall dating leehan as sungho's little sister just means a whole lot of extra teasing and your brother being utterly disgusted but secretly endeared at your relationship at every turn

↳ boynextdoor taglist (bolded could not be tagged): @rizzshimura,, @captivq,, @icyminghao,, @eternalgyu,, @metalchick529,,

@schmocolateschmchip,, @kpoprhia,, @candewlsy,, @weird-bookworm,, @blossominghunnie,,

@kangtaehyunzzz,, @snowflakemoon3,, @lovialy,, @lecheugo,, @okshu,,

@wccycc,, @seunghancore,, @ujisworld,, @sobun1est,, @emmylksblog,,

@talkingsaxy,, @talking-saxy

[gomirocket]

this story is so so sappy. and also, contains dysphoria comfort, fear of abandonment, low key BPD symptoms, touch starvation, and "mommy" as a pet name. be warned!

ggggGOD i am so needy right now. all i want to do, all i want to do, is sit down on someone's big cock, strap, whatever, and just have them coo and dote on me while i put on a show for her. i want to be stuffed so full that when i lean back you can see the outline on my tummy.

i wanna fuck myself on her while i let out allllll the pent up touch starvation. to just cry and sob because it feels so good, and because i'm finally loved. because she loves me so much she doesn't even care about her own pleasure for a little bit. she just wants to let me be subby and cuddly and needy.

i wanna sit there and beg, fucking myself stupid, "pplesseplease let me make you fffeel good i promise i'll do a good job justt i dont wanna be useless im a good toy please im not worth it a a-"

and have her lay there shushing me, a soft smile on her face, "no, dear. this is for you. i don't need your attention right now. i want to make you feel good. i love you."

and. i'd start crying harder. "no no no!! no cause if-cause if i dddont make you feel good you're gonna leave!!! and-"

"shut. up. you wanna make me feel good so bad? you want that security? fine. if you can't accept my love when i give it to you freely, i'll just have to force it on you."

she grabs me and pulls me close, rolling over so that i'm on the bottom.

"wwwait wait wait im sorry im sorry!!! i know you love me i love you please don't be mad im sorry!! im sorry im sorry im s-"

slap

"Mommy's not mad at you. i promise im not mad. it just. frustrates me. so much, when you're like this. when you're scared, insecure. and i know it's not your fault. i know it's not your fault. but. that doesn't mean i can't get frustrated. and that doesn't mean i can't feel upset. it hurts me when you feel like you can't trust me."

"... i'm sorry. i don't know what to do with these feelings. i try and i try to dismiss them, to appease them, to ignore them, but i cant. i just can't. i'm sorry mommy."

"oh, baby, baby, baby, it's okay. look, look, cling to me. i'm right on top of you. i'm not gonna let go. you're allowed to be clingy. you're allowed to be scared, and you're allowed to soothe yourself with me. i'm never, never ever going to abandon you. i love when you're needy. i love when you feel safe enough to come to me with these feelings. you don't need to put on an act to keep me happy. you don't need to do anything special. i'm in love with you."

she starts to thrust again, pressing right up against my spot while i cling to her with all my might.

"now, Mommy's going to fuck you nice and full, okay? and you're gonna let yourself go. you don't need to put on a show for me."

her hand gently tweaks my nipple, "is that clear, my precious little bun?"

"yes- YYES! thhabk you mommy thankyoutyabkyoughuyghvbbjgv"

she's pressing rrright into my girlcock from behind and i'm so wet and her tummy is so slick from me aaand and she's not stopping and

"thaaaats it baby, that's it. let it allll out. you don't need to pretend. you don't need to put on an act. you're moaning so pretty but i know that you're still holding back. leme just-"

she starts fingering my taint like i'm a real girl. my moans start sounding more noticeably trans.

"ohhh i know how much you hate it when i do that, don't you? when i press that spot and you can't help but making those adorable fucking noises. guess what? i don't care. you're still a girl. you're still my girl. you're still mine. and you're mine to toy with, mine to touch, mine to make feel good. not the other way around. now,"

my moans get shaky, my hole clenches, my cock throbs and my body does anything it can to lower the intensity. my back arches into her, our chests press against each other, ohh fuck, i can't-

"cum for Mommy."

her tummy gets turned into a sticky mess, tears stream down my face as i press into the hug, trying desperately to ride out this orgasm and keep my sanity.

what feels like an eternity passes, my make-up is wrecked, and my hole is worse off. she collapses on top of me, both of us panting for air. she gently strokes my hair as we lay there.

"i love you honey. i love you."

"i love you too Mommy."

[romaevelizz]

Crush Culture˖ ࣪⊹

VI. Love lies

sum: he couldn’t leave with out saying goodbye

warnings: cursing, fluff, tsukii being out of character, not proofread, short er, rushed im sorry chat😞😞

.˚₊‧ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ‧₊˚.

He felt awful, how could he just leave. After that aster that moment he left like a loser. It wasn’t like his to just leave, to not look back at something because that’s what losers did and he’s not a loser. He was scared god his body was so nervous. He just left her there after she opened herself to him and he just walked away from her.

What would she think of him..? Where did her love lie?

Love; god that was such a big word a word he didn’t think he’d find himself saying. Why did he feel so attached to her the feeling of needing her company? He wasn’t dependent on her yet he craved her attention. He wanted to have her all to himself as selfish as it may sound, he wanted to spend every minute with her. The idea of answering to stupid questions of ‘Do you have a girlfriend yet?’ Or ‘ Has any girl caught your eye? He wouldn’t even mind answering them this time. That yes he was.

Maybe not girlfriend, not yet anyway. He wanted to do things boyfriends and girlfriends did together. He wanted to follower her around as she shopped carrying her bags. Take her out for cute dinner date, see her all dress up as the talked endlessly for hours. Do those cringey couples TikTok’s, make gifts for one another, dance with her in the rain, bake with her, go to the arcade, talk about things they were so fixated on, he wanted to waste hours listening to her talk just so he could hear her voice. He wanted to waste the light of day and her her stay with him for the night. To hold her close to himself.

He’s never felt this way towards a girl before. It was frustrating the want to be perfect to be near her all the time, her hand him praise for little things he did. How she teased him, her laugh, more moments like before. It’s not like he hasn’t kissed girls before but with her it was different, how he was dizzy after the kiss. He wanted to taste her again to feel his lips tingle again after they kiss, the sticky feeling of her gloss on his lips after they kissed. To taste her strawberry shortcake gloss again, his favorite flavor, and she didn’t even know it. It made him ache how he yearned for her.

He never ever thought flirting would get him all hot and bothered, her shamelessly flirting with him even while others here around her body close to his and she eyes looked him up and down a smile on her pretty lips. Her head tilting occasionally as she teased him. He didn’t think that a girl would ever have an impact on him like she did. God he wanted to introduce her to his family, to his mother.

Maybe he was secretly waiting for someone like her?

As perfect as he wanted it to be it couldn’t.. she lived in Tokyo plus she was a year older then him. He’d just be holding her back right? He didn’t want to mess this up, he wanted to fix things he wanted to be with her in long run. She had to aswell right?

“Tsukii, you’ll want to talk to her before we leave remember.” Yamaguchi said smiling to his friend.

He was scared, he’s body coved in cold sweat as he stepped into the dining hall. His eyes watching her as she cut fruit up her back facing him, the beads in her braids mixed with the humming of her voice as she listened to music. Her headphones over head and she continued to mind her business.

His presence went unnoticed by her as he got closer, his hands shaking as he took a deep breath “Can I help you with anything Kei?” She asked suddenly.

Unnoticed my ass he thought, get it together. His words quite as he answerd her “I just wanted to say goodbye.”

She hummed continuing to cut up the strawberry in front of her. For a moment it was silent until she spoke up again “is there anything else?” She knew, but she wanted his to say it, to simply say what he wanted to say.

He didn’t say anything, but he let his hands grab her headphones gently taking them off her head. His body was close to hers, she could feel his breath hitting her ears as he did so. She slowly stoped cutting the fruit, her eyes closing as she felt him move her braids to the side. His fingers softly playing with them. His forehead falling onto her shoulder. “Kei..?”

He hummed, “I didn’t wanna leave without saying goodbye..” he rasped.

Just open up, tell her. Tell her where you feelings lie.

“Yeah?” She asked almost breathlessly the feeling of his breath hitting her neck.

“Mmhm..”

The silence was comfortable, he felt her body shift letting her body lean forward a bit. “I haven’t felt like this for anyone, not towards any girl ever. Yet when I’m around you I get so nervous it make me sick…” he whispered.

He closed her eyes when she head him take a deep breath “I know it’s kinda stupid but I don’t want to walk about knowing I didn’t try that I’d rather get rejected in person. Yet I’m confident enough to know that your not gonna reject me, that we do share feelings towards each other..”

“I just need you to tell me yourself, tell me it you don’t feel what I feel.”

“I do feel what you feel.” She muttered leaned back into him.

She smiled softly feeling his arms wrap around her body. She knew it was hard for him to open up but that was enough, really something she needed to hear. That she didn’t mess up her chances with him, but she couldn’t let herself rush this one.

“Kei.. I see how independent you are and how it’s hard for you to open up, I can tell your focused on other things. I just don’t want to be a reason to drag you down, that we won’t drag eachother down because we’re both..” she trailed on.

“Stubborn.”

She laughed lightly “yeah.. stubborn.”

She turned facing him “let’s take this, us, let’s take our time.”

He nodded “The time we need, we’ll find time to see one another right?”

“Of course, plus now you’ll have my number and you have my socials we’ll talk every day if need be.” She smiled her hands holding his face.

He nodded lazily, his head falling back into her shoulder. He hugged her tightly as she did aswell, he may have not shown it on his face but he was over the moon.

Walking out the walked out together the other at the bus already. He stop led her before they got to close pretty out of sight from the others. He wanted to kiss her really bad just one last time time.

“Can I kiss you..?” He asked

Her eyes meeting his as she nodded. His hands holding the side of he face as she kissed him his head turning a bit deepening the kiss, he wanted to kiss her as if it was the last time. A slight moan leaving her lips as he kissed her. “ just need t’ remember the taste of you..” he muttered kissing her once more.

Her face was all hot, she looked a bit out of it as he pulled away making him chuckle. “You alright?”

“Mmhm!” She hummed a stupid smile on her face his hands still holding her.

“I’ll come see you before break ends thought!” She spoke.

“I have some family friends down in your prefecture.” She smiled watching his face light up a bit.

“I can’t wait..” he spoke kissing her once more.

She watched them drive away, the sun finally rising. He gave her a small wave as they drove away, god, if he smile could grow more it would have.

“So you and blondie huh?” Kuroo said his arm falling over you shoulder.

“What no! I’m not into blondes.” She smiled picking her tounge out at him.

“Uh huh! Right do I didn’t just watch y’all kiss?” He said his tone lower.

He shrugged “Maybeee..”

He laughed watched her walk away.

She was sure of where her love lied, and now she knew of his.

[aeoniann]

broken promises ੭ৎ

pairing: simon "ghost" riley x reader

cw: slight argument, fluff

a/n: this is my first fic so im kinda scared haha

The cold air was biting at your skin while standing outside, finally catching him alone.

Your voice quivered with frustration as you started to confront Simon. "I tear my heart just for you, and this is what I get? Lies and broken promises?"

Your words hung heavy in the air, the weight of your argument that was caused by both of your problems started to resolve.

Simon's shoulders slumped, his eyes looking down. "I know I've disappointed you," he admitted, his voice quiet, probably the softest tone you've heard from him in the past few weeks. "But please, give me a chance to fix this."

Pain etched on Simon's face. He knows he messed up, trying to keep you away from gruesome details of his life, he built his walls too high. Lately, it seemed like you were both drowning in a sea of miscommunication and mistrust.

With a sigh, you reached out to gently touch Simon's hand. "I want to believe you," you confessed, your voice tinged with uncertainty. "But it's hard when all I feel is hurt. You promise that you will be here, but then when I wake up in the morning, you're gone. I know you have a duty to fulfill, but it doesn't make it easier to bear with the uncertainty of not knowing where you are, how you are, and when you will come back. More than half of the time, I don't know where you are, and I don't want to live with a ghost, Simon. I'm not asking for any details, but it would make me feel easier if I knew when you're leaving and where you're going. I'm sorry if I'm overstepping your boundaries with this, but..."

Simon's heart clenched at the vulnerability, worry, and love in those words. He knew he had caused you pain, and the thought tore at his soul. "I'm willing to do whatever it takes to earn back your trust," he promised, his voice filled with determination. "'Cause losing you is the last thing I want. I know I'm a lot to deal with, but please stay. I'm sorry for the way I've been acting these past couple of weeks. Work's been tough, and I just kept pushing you away... I'm sorry, love."

Tears welled up in your eyes as you looked up to meet his gaze. "I don't want to lose you either," you whispered, your voice barely audible.

In that moment, your walls began to crumble, replaced by a shared desire to heal and rebuild. Simon wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a tight hug. And as you stood there, wrapped in each other's arms, you both knew that whatever life puts in front of you, you'll finally have each other to hold onto.

[epicthemusical]

Cracked Mask pt 2

WARNINGS:Very low self esteem, abandonment and neglectful/emotionally abusive mother read at your own risk!

part 1 here

He goes quiet and freezes at a knock on his door. No he can't let anyone see him like this! He waits for the person to leave but they knock again

“Polites are you okay?” Oh gods that was Odysseus’s voice! He quickly washes and dries his face plastering a smile on hoping it will be enough.

“Please answer me, I'm worried about you..” A deep breath double checking his smile before opening the door.

“Hello sorry it took so long. What is it you need?” Odysseus frowns a little not seeming to believe his cracked mask of a smile.

“Hey are you feeling alright?” Polites pours more effort into his smile desperate to convince his friend he is okay.

“Of course I am, why would I not be okay?” Odysseus looks sad and almost disappointed just like his mother Odysseus sighs

“Polites please stop. I can tell you're not okay, just tell me what's wrong.” Polites feels anxiety rising at even the thought of showing how broken he is. He can't let Odysseus know if he finds out he will leave him just like his mother. His smile is paper thin now.

“I'm sorry I don't know what you mean. I am only a bit tired and I would like to take a small nap.” At this Polites attempts to close the door only for Odysseus to stop it with his foot. Odysseus has a frown on his face obviously frustrated

“Polites-”

“IM FINE” he finally snaps and then freezes his eyes wide

“I'm so sorry i didnt- i-” Odysseus gets over his shock and shoves his way into Polites room closing the door behind him. Polites flinches. Oh gods why did he do that? How could he snap like that at Odysseus?! He starts hyperventilating, tears starting to fall.

He is suddenly pulled into a hug and he tenses before finally collapsing into the comforting hold. Odysseus holds him tight whispering comforting words letting Polites calm down. Once he finally stops he feels empty

“I'm sorry Odysseus you can go now. You shouldn't have had to deal with this.” He tries to pull away but Odysseus keeps him in his arms

“No i'm not leaving you alone right now. You are obviously not okay.” Polites sighs the empty feeling is spreading throughout his body and he feels heavy as lead. He prepares himself for Odysseus to scold him or say he doesn't want to be friends anymore.

He is shocked to feel tears on his back. Did he make Odysseus cry?!

“Oh gods i'm sorry please don't cry-” Odysseus holds him tighter

“How long has this been going on?” Polites stays silent not wanting to admit just how long he has felt like this. Odysseus' shoulders are shaking as he continues

“How long- how long have I been letting you suffer alone?” Polites slumps more into his friends hold feeling exhaustion hit him.

“I…I have always been like this…” He feels Odysseus flinch before whispering his next words

“What…you mean to say the entire time we have been friends i have been ignorant of your suffering?” Polites sighs

“I’m sorr-” Odysseus tenses

“Don't you DARE apologize! If anyone should apologize it's me! I should have noticed sooner than this and helped you.. I- I failed you, I'm so sorry!” Polites just stares in shock before he quickly wraps his arms around his friend.

“No- no please don't apologize! It's not your fault i- i just i was scared…” Odysseus calms his breathing a bit still holding Polites tight

“You NEVER have to be scared of me. I could never do anything to hurt you, I thought you knew that.” Polites chuckles wetly

“Yeah i should have known better.It's just my mother….she made me believe i was a burden and that people would always end up leaving me once they saw how messed up i was…” Odysseus' eyes shined angrily

“Lets move to the bed this will take a while. I want you to tell me everything.” Polites sniffles and nods, both of them moving onto the bed still clinging to each other. The rest of the day is filled with tears and comfort.

Eventually they both fall asleep still cuddled close and for once Polites sleeps with a smile and happy dreams.

[sleepyhouse2art]

i feel how i feel when something really bad has happened to me. im not depressed or having psychosis or having mania, im not crazy right now, i know it. i know im sick and my brain is different but i think what happened to me was bad. i feel like im being like, gaslighted by my own brain because im crazy and im overreacting or im making it a bigger thing than it is. but i had a strap on my neck. they put a belt and hand things on me just to walk. they put me in that little room in the dark with just the picture of the palm tree in it. they left that girl unshowered for a month and she sat three days in her period blood with staff making fun of the smell outside in the hallway and my fucking friend had to change her pad. my autistic friend who cant dial a telephone cant call me or her guardian who wont call her anyway because they wont help her. they treated us like bad animals. they wouldnt give me water. they made me wait for hours and i had to drink from my sink with my hands. i peed myself once because i kept asking all the orderlies chatting at the desk and laughing but they wouldnt help me. they wouldnt take my friend melissa when she was very sick because they wouldnt give her meds for her physical illness even though her husband brought them and she could barely walk or my friend diamond to the doctor when she fell in her bathroom and bruised her ribs so badly they throbbed and she couldnt breathe very well and her hips hurt so much she was limping. things just kept happening. i started sobbing in my bed once because i was having a panic attack and the lady walked right by me. they talked shit about all of us in earshot. they talked about melissa and said it was all somatic and made the screw motion that means crazy. i couldnt get my infected cuts treated because i was so scared theyd keep me longer and they wouldnt have let me see a doctor anyhow. there are papers in other hospitals you can sign to notify your loved ones if youre restrained and i never got any but people die that way. i was so scared of them and felt like such a burden and a useless schizo retard that i couldnt look the orderlies in the eye. idk. i was so scared and so sorry all the time. i feel really messed up. i know it helped me to be there and it saved my life because i was gonna kill myself that night and i was bleeding all over the place but they were so mean and it was so hard. i couldnt have done another day and night. i just feel messed up. im sorry. i shouldnt be so whiny. i whine too much. they "sent" my medicine through my pharmacy today and when it got delivered there was only a bottle of sleeping pills that i already have and im running out of everything. i have maybe two days of my mood stabilizer and antidepressant and three of my antipsychotic and im out of my anxiety medicine and klonnys. i had to borrow medicine from my husband and its just hydroxyzine which doesnt work for me so i dont think it will do anything even tho it was nice of him. i cant get out of my head man. its shitty. i messaged my doctor asking her to fill my medicine so hopefully she will help me. im just so frustrated and mad and i cry all the time and im worried for everyone whos there still. i love them. ive been praying a lot. im so sorry i just think maybe this messed me up really bad and i cant talk about it enough to express how i feel. maybe i should make a comic when im done with hard core drugs. im sorry for bitching so much. i dont feel well like physically. i cant really eat and it comes up invol and its not digested at all. maybe its nerves or i fucked up my stomach not eating. maybe i will ask my husband to buy me a beer or something. thank you for listening to me sorry guys