#sorry that I cannot respond in the comments themselves

[havin-fun-imagining-twd]

@r0reep I’d read them top to bottom. The oldest are on top, newest on the bottom. There is some non-linear storytelling to the chapters but that was done on purpose :)

Welcome to the party, slowpoke, we hope you enjoy your time here!

[bosbas]

Chapter 12: did you wish you'd put up more of a fight?

series masterlist previous part || next part

pairing: benedict bridgerton x best friend!fem!reader WC: 4.1k words

Warnings: period-typical gender roles, idiots in love being idiots in love, mutual pining, physical altercation (nothing serious but a few mentions of blood), mentions of sex if you squint, benedict being so so stupid

Summary: You and Benedict have been best friends since childhood, but things change dramatically once you come out in society. You’re struggling to find someone you’re as compatible with and who knows you as well as Benedict, all while trying to quell your ever-growing feelings for him. Shenanigans ensue.

A/N: guys idk anything about physical fights sorry if this is super unrealistic LMAO

August 12, 1814 - But, dear reader, I cannot fail to mention the upcoming gathering hosted by the Bridgertons at Aubrey Hall. Those lucky enough to receive an invitation are surely busy preparing for the eventful trip ahead. Every year, the Bridgerton country party proves to be an excellent hunting ground for ambitious mamas with daughters of marriageable age. Will this year's party bring forth new proposals? Whispers around the ton indicate that a certain Bridgerton brother might propose to Miss Y/N Beaumont, and that would certainly be the news of the season. Fear not, for this author shall keep the ton abreast of any and all developments.

"I beg your pardon?" he spoke, tone low and venomous as he breathed heavily. "What the bloody hell did you just say?"

Benedict saw you exchange a nervous glance with his older brother and his blood boiled at the sight. It was him you should be exchanging glances with. Not Anthony, of all people. He could hardly believe it. In fact, he didn't believe it at all. This had to be some sick joke, some cruel prank that you and his brothers and perhaps even your brothers had all been in on to rag on him for disappearing to the countryside for a month and a half. He desperately wanted you to burst out laughing and start making fun of him for believing that you and Anthony were to get married. But as the seconds ticked by, it became more and more unlikely that this was the case.

Interrupting your prolonged eye contact with Anthony, you looked down at your hands anxiously. This was not how it was supposed to go. There was no nature walk, no time alone with Ben, just an angry Benedict standing at the door to Anthony's study, waves of fury rolling off of him. A small part of you had hoped he would be angry, yes, but now that you were seeing him, unmoving, you wanted nothing more than to disappear from the room. You wished Ben had come ten minutes earlier, where you would have greeted him with a hug instead, feeling his strong arms make themselves at home as they wrapped around you. Benedict was not often angry, especially not at you, but when he was, he usually voiced his displeasure quite loudly to anyone who would listen. However, knowing he was standing there, stock-still and seething, you weren't quite sure how he was going to react.

"How much of that did you hear, exactly?" you asked meekly, trying to gauge how much damage control you would have to do. You kept your gaze firmly on your hands, unable to meet his eyes and slightly fearful of his silent anger.

"Enough to know that my brother is the man you're marrying," Benedict responded, sounding angrier than he was when he first walked in, if that was possible. "I see it's been quite a productive season," he added in a clipped tone.

Your head snapped up at his last comment. You felt Anthony tense beside you as he felt your anger rising, but you didn't care. How dare Benedict blame you for finding a husband after he so unceremoniously walked away from you? Meeting Ben's intense gaze and flinching as you practically felt the daggers shooting from his eyes, you yelled back, "What did you expect, Benedict? You walked away from me and I did exactly what you wanted me to do. I found a husband. I don't know what more you want from me."

Try as you might to keep your voice strong, a wobble at the end had betrayed your true feelings. You had sounded more pleading than anything, but you were beyond caring. You were absolutely crushed, and you could see that Benedict was hurting as well. After years of looking into his eyes, you could recognize that he, too, was hiding sorrow behind his anger. Trying to remain composed, you bit the inside of your cheek as you felt Anthony reach over and place a comforting hand on your shoulder.

"I didn't–" started Benedict, unable to continue once he saw Anthony's hand on you. It was true, then. The courtship. Or the proposal. Or whatever else you two had been doing while he was in the countryside five seconds away from tearing his hair out in desperation because he loved you so much. Suddenly, it was difficult to remember why exactly he hadn't wanted to marry you. Marrying you couldn't have been worse than what he was feeling right now, the devastating realization of having truly lost you. Surely nothing could be worse than this.

Carrying the unspeakable grief that came with losing one's best friend and soulmate all in one evening, Benedict turned around to walk out of Anthony's office. He couldn't bear to be there any longer, watching the woman he loved be caressed by his brother. Without a second glance at the two of you, he closed the door behind him and made his way to his own room. He would have been better off going there in the first place, he thought. Then he could've had a few more moments of peace before he found out what you and Anthony had been up to in his absence.

Looking at the closed door, Anthony's hand dropped from your shoulder as he stood in shock at what had just happened. "Are you alright?" he asked you, knowing the answer but needing to reassure you anyway.

You shook your head, holding in tears that were threatening to spill. "Someone should go after him," you said pressing your fingers to the corner of your eyes. What you really meant was, you should go after him, Anthony, but you wanted to give him a chance to say no. To decide he wasn't going to clean up yet another mess you had made because of your stupid feelings for his brother.

But Anthony, ever the eldest child, nodded in agreement. "Just stay put for a bit while I get him into his room. I don't think it would be the best idea to have the two of you talk right now."

Aubrey Hall had already seen too much chaos today without what he expected was going to be a shouting match between you and Benedict. If only the shouting match could lead to the two of you realizing that you did, in fact, love each other very much and that you would, in fact, be very happily married. He gave you one last squeeze on the shoulder and took off determinedly to find his brother.

Benedict saw Anthony catching up to him out of the corner of his eye but didn't stop or slow down. He couldn't bear to stop now, he needed to get to his room. Or really anywhere that was stripped of every trace of you. Benedict could barely think, the moment when Anthony placed his hand on your shoulder replaying relentlessly through his mind and preventing him from thinking about anything else.

Feeling Anthony stop right behind him, Benedict turned around to face him. The two brothers stood, staring at each other, for several moments. Anthony trying to think of what to say and Benedict getting angrier by the second.

"If you had–" started Anthony, only to be cut off by Benedict immediately.

"How could you do this?" Ben shouted, voice raw from holding back the string of curses he wanted to direct at Anthony right now. Anthony bit his lip, grimacing. He knew Benedict would be mad, but he had been unprepared for the magnitude of his fury. In a way, he felt bad for Ben. Anthony could tell that you were the love of Benedict's life—it was ridiculously obvious—and it couldn't have been easy to see you with someone else. But enough was enough, and Anthony had seen you heartbroken for long enough to know that Ben had only brought this upon himself.

"Might I remind you that you left, Benedict? After she asked you to marry her, no less," shot back Anthony, arms crossed tightly over his chest. He could see Ben waver at his words, face blanching slightly at the realization that you had told Anthony about your quasi-proposal.

"And you think you're better than me? Anyone with half a brain knows you don't want to marry for love. Did that change in the last four weeks? Are you now suddenly unequivocally in love with her? Is that what happened?" asked Benedict, an unfathomable bitterness on his tongue. His words were mocking, but deep down he did want answers. Did you and Anthony really fall for each other while he was gone? Had he been that foolish, to ever imagine the possibility of having something beyond friendship with you when his older brother was right there?

Anthony rolled his eyes, "Come off it, Benedict. You can't play the victim every time. She's aware that I don't want to marry for love. After some very negative experiences with the men of the ton, you included, she's decided she is perfectly fine not marrying for love either." Seeing Benedict's brow furrow in protest, Anthony continued, "Honestly, I promise I didn't force her into anything, I only gave her the option. She decided all by herself that this was what she wanted. And if you'd stop being a prick for about two seconds you'd realize this is what's best for her, anyway. That I'm what's best for her." And sure, Anthony knew he had probably gone too far with his last comment, but Benedict was being incredibly frustrating at the minute that Anthony didn't care.

However, Benedict didn't want to stop being a prick for two seconds. Especially because you were about to get engaged to his brother, who was being a massive dick right now. So instead, he chose to give into his anger, pushing against Anthony's shoulders so he was knocked against the wall.

"That you're what's best for her?" he scoffed. "I've been best friends with her for two decades but suddenly you're the one who knows exactly what she needs? Seems quite logical," finished Ben, pure poison dripping from his voice.

Undeterred, Anthony pushed Benedict back. "What is so wrong about our courtship? You left her so she could find a husband and that's exactly. What. She. Did," he yelled, accentuating every word with a shove at Ben's shoulders, who responded by swatting his hands away.

"She was off limits, Anthony. You knew that! You never should've done that," cried Benedict, grabbing his brother by the collar, and growing more frustrated by the second. However, whether he was angrier at Anthony or himself was unclear.

Exasperated, the elder Bridgerton reached over to slap the side of Benedict's head. "Off limits? Why would she be off limits? She seemed pretty on limits when you said you couldn't marry her and fucked off to the countryside for half the season," came his response.

"Because she is my best friend," Benedict roared back. Hearing Anthony's mocking laugh brought out a level of anger Ben did not know existed within himself, and he found his fist flying to make contact with Anthony's mouth. Ignoring the metallic taste on his tongue, Anthony responded by kneeing Benedict in the groin until he doubled over and slammed the fist that had just hit him into the wall.

Ben cradled his hand against his side, wincing as he saw his grazed knuckles, but he was unrelenting. It was like all of the pent-up emotions of frustration and uselessness he had been feeling in the countryside were finally bubbling over now that he had someone to direct his anger toward. "Because she is my best friend and you know that I'm in love with her. I know you know, Anthony, you cannot pretend otherwise," he said, desperation evident in his voice.

Fairly done with the conversation and itching to go sort out his busted lip, Anthony tried to straighten out his collar as he spoke to Benedict, "Well, even if you are, it doesn't do her much good if you have no intention of marrying her, does it?"

Benedict was stunned to silence. Anthony was right, of course, but Ben couldn't find it in himself to concede to the man who was going to take away Benedict's best friend and the love of his life all in one go. So he just stared at his brother, breathing heavily and searching for words that would not give away just how destroyed he truly felt.

"I am proposing to her in a week. You have until then to fix this, otherwise, you will truly have lost her forever." And with that, Anthony walked off without a second glance, leaving Benedict to grapple with his thoughts.

Walking upstairs in search of something to stop the bleeding at his lip, Anthony couldn't believe that Benedict had admitted his feelings for you. The intensity of the argument between the two brothers had most likely been the catalyst for the confession, but Anthony hoped that this might be what allowed Ben to finally see right by you and love you the way he so obviously wanted to. Regardless, Anthony couldn't help the protective instinct that surged within him. He cared about you, and he was acutely aware of the heartbreak that awaited you if his brother didn't come to his senses.

Too caught up in his thoughts, Anthony missed your presence entirely as he made his way past your room. "Anthony, your lip!" you exclaimed as you closed your bedroom door behind you, bringing him out of his musings. He touched his hand to his injury, hissing in pain slightly as he was reminded of the blood coming out of his cut lip.

He waved his hand dismissively, "It's alright, just a scrape," he assured you.

You seemed doubtful but nodded anyway. "I was going to ask how your talk with him went but I think I have a very clear idea," you said, earning you a short laugh from Anthony.

He cleared his throat, looking at you up and down with a mix of concern and determination. The atmosphere in the room was heavy, charged with the aftermath of the confrontation with Benedict.

"Look, I gave you my word, and a gentleman's word is his bond. I fully intend to honor our agreement," Anthony began, his tone steady and resolute. "But, I also think it's crucial for both you and Benedict to have a conversation, to sort out feelings on both sides."

You looked at him nervously, not ready to confront your feelings for Benedict, let alone any that Benedict might have for you.

He gave you an encouraging smile. "If you decide you still want to marry me afterward, that's perfectly alright, and I'd be delighted to do so. But I think it's only fair that you both have a chance to speak your minds before we move forward." He met your eyes, sincerity evident in his gaze. "Talk to Benedict. I think he went to his studio. I'll give you both the time you need."

You knew he was right, unfortunately. So you nodded, giving him a grateful hug before he excused himself to go clean up his injury and you headed down the stairs to go look for Benedict.

---

In the solitude of his studio, Benedict wrestled with a storm of emotions he was feeling as he paced the room. He couldn't believe that he was going to lose you to his brother. Even if you and Anthony were not in love with each other now, it was only a matter of time, he reasoned. You were, at the very least, the most extraordinary woman he had ever encountered, and surely Anthony would see it that way eventually. Especially if the two of you had children. His heart dropped at the thought of you and Anthony in bed together, but he pushed the image away once he heard a knock on his studio door.

Seeing your face poke into the room, he couldn't help the butterflies that erupted in his stomach, even despite his tumultuous thoughts. "Well, hello," he greeted you curtly, lifting his hand to run his fingers through his hair nervously, knowing a difficult conversation awaited him.

But you gasped before you could respond, immediately distracted by his bloodied knuckles. "Benedict, what on earth...?" you trailed off as you rushed to grab his injured hand in both of yours.

Benedict's breath caught in his throat as he felt your hands on his. The tenderness with which you turned over his hand made a previously dormant warmth rise in his chest, and he bit his lip to keep from shivering. You looked so beautiful, face pinched in focus as you ran your finger over his injury, and he inhaled sharply as your finger traced over his open wound.

"So this is what you and Anthony were doing instead of talking, then?" you scolded, looking into his eyes but not letting go of his hand. It didn't matter that you were still furious with him, it felt too good to have the heavy weight of his fingers half-intertwined with yours after so long of having him away.

"It's nothing," Benedict responded, shaking his head. Then, remembering why his knuckles were grazed in the first place, he added bitterly, "Why don't you go check on Anthony instead?"

Your face fell immediately and you dropped his hand. He hadn't meant to upset you, and he certainly hadn't meant to make you let go of his hand, but it seemed like his anger and jealousy had taken the reins today. But even when you were angry with him and looked about three seconds away from hitting his other hand, he couldn't help but marvel at you. He was completely enamored, looking from your furrowed brow to your narrowed eyes to your full lips. And his eyes stayed on your lips because it seemed that no matter how angry you were he couldn't ignore the ever-growing urge to kiss you right then and there, consequences be damned.

You rolled your eyes, anger bubbling up inside of you once again. "Benedict, I simply don't understand why you're so upset. If anything, marrying Anthony is a better option than marrying anyone else. Our families will remain close and you and I can still see each other fairly often. And once you're married–"

"I'll never marry," he interrupted, voice clipped. He was appalled that you would even suggest that, although he reasoned that you had no reason to believe that he wouldn't marry.

You look at him, confusion written all over your face. "I– What? What do you mean you will never marry? Benedict–"

"I love you," Ben blurted out. "I love you in a way that even words cannot express. I would rather remain unmarried than be with someone who isn't you," he added, needing to make sure that you understood that he loved you beyond what the boundaries of your friendship allowed. He had thought that you might fall in love with some other man, and he would be fated to watch you be besotted with someone else. However, now that he knew that you intended to marry Anthony, who you were most definitely not in love with, he needed you to know that he was the one who had loved you for years now. And he hoped that you might love him, too.

But you did not swoon like he expected. And you did not rush into his arms to kiss him or confess your undying love for him. You didn't even smile. "Are you joking?" you said angrily.

Benedict's eyes widened, shocked by your response. "I'm not– Why would I be joking?" he stumbled over his words.

"First you tell me you won't marry me, which is fine by the way, and then you leave so I can find a husband, which is also fine. Except," you let out a disbelieving laugh, "once you find out that your older brother is the man I'm going to marry, you are suddenly in love with me." You're still staring at him, daring him to challenge you. "It's a little too convenient, don't you think?"

He was panicking, horrified that you thought his confession was merely a way to get back at you for going after his brother. Guilt was coursing through his stomach in an entirely unpleasant manner, and he was struggling to find the words to convey his love for you in a way that you deserved to hear.

"It's not like that! I do love you. I want you and I don't want anyone else," he said desperately, reaching for your hand so he could reassure you.

But you were having none of it. After all this time, you couldn't believe he had the nerve to show up at Aubrey Hall, get into a fight with your future husband, and then confess his supposedly undying love for you. Feeling his hand clutching yours, a feeling so familiar, brought tears to your eyes. You ripped your hand away from his, not able to parse the gentleness with which he held your hand with his careless words.

"Stop it! Having you leave after I asked you to marry me was painful, but this might be the cruelest thing you've ever done, Benedict," you said, tears blurring your vision. "You can't just march in here after weeks of being away and demand that I stop my plans so that you can get back at your brother."

Benedict's eyes welled with tears, reflecting the pain that echoed in your own. He couldn't believe you still wanted to marry Anthony after all this. You were his one big love. There was no one else. And it was all too much to think that you didn't feel the same way.

So he pressed, "Is my love not enough? I have been falling apart on my own from the magnitude of my love for you. Should that not be enough? To know that I love you with every fiber of my being, more fiercely than I've ever done anything in my entire life?"

Tears were running unobstructed down your face now and you choked back a sob. If Benedict had told you this about six weeks ago, you would have dropped everything to be with him. But it was too late now.

"It's not enough when I had been feeling the exact same way and you still walked away from me," you responded, clutching his hand for comfort even though he was the one who had caused you pain.

He pulled you in fully, wrapping his arms around you and rubbing your back comfortingly. Benedict put his chin on your head as you buried your face in his shirt, breathing in his familiar scent that never failed to make you feel at home.

"I'm sorry, darling. I'm so sorry," he murmured, hugging you tighter when he heard you sob. "I suppose being in love with you feels so natural I didn't quite realize what it was until recently." He kept rubbing your back, tracing patterns on your skin.

"And– And I thought I was ruining our friendship. When I wanted you, I kept thinking I shouldn't have been," Ben added, cringing as he realized the gravity of his misunderstanding.

You were overwhelmed by his confession, barely believing that he actually reciprocated the feelings you had struggled to keep hidden for so long. You couldn't help the steady stream of tears running down your face, and you burrowed deeper into Benedict, needing to be closer still. You felt one of his hands lifting your face to look up at him and the other keeping you pressed firmly against him. Your tear-stained eyes met his as you sniffled, struggling to breathe normally.

You watched, almost in slow motion, as Benedict's eyes fluttered shut and leaned down, lips slightly parted as he leaned down toward you. This was everything you wanted, wasn't it? In the rose garden, you had wanted him to kiss you more than you had wanted to keep breathing. You had probably spent hours looking at his lips, wondering what it would be like to taste them. To have them on your lips and enjoy the feel of them as they moved against yours. To know what it felt like to have Benedict be truly yours.

But that was then, and you wanted different things now. So you broke free of his grasp and pushed him away, breathing heavily as he opened his eyes in shock and looked to you for an explanation.

"You can't just do that, Ben! We haven't resolved anything, and it certainly won't be resolved by you kissing me," you exclaimed, playing up your anger to hide your pain.

So you turned on your heel, exiting his studio as quietly as you had entered, and he was left, for the second time that day, speechless as someone walked away from him. 

—

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[andreas-river]

Bullied!Reader gained the Courage to come to The 141 boys + König knowing they are all a scary bunch and of Commanding rank to hopefully stop the bullying they were experiencing for a bit. They feel guilty for being a Solider who couldn’t handle it by themselves, but they beg for their help despite it.

“ I didn’t want it to come to this…I swear…I just don’t know what else to do…”

TW: bullying, mention of misoginy, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, fem!reader.

A/N: hello Anon, thanks for your request, sorry it took so long. I decided to write it without separating the characters, I think it makes the idea better like this!

Disclaimer: Too many people are bullied, and sadly it happens too often, and I have fallen into this deep hole myself. It can be both physical and psychological, and it is an devius but unforgiving form of violence. I hope this can give comfort to those who need it: asking for help IS NOT a form of weakness, sometimes even talking about it with a trusted person can make a difference.

════════════════════════════

Asking for help is one of the hardest things in the world. Admitting that we cannot do it on our own with our own strength is like a display of vulnerability that not everyone allows themselves to do: there are to many sharks around, and they are all out for blood.

But every day it was getting harder and harder, and it was almost embarrassing knowing the context in which you had been living for many years. Numerous missions made you used to the horrors of a military life, and the sight of blood had not affected you for a long time. You don't remember exactly how or when it started, but the stares of the men around you became more and more insistent, not giving you any peace, voices murmuring in the hallways as you passed by when you might have just been on your way to the gym or Price's office to fill out the various papers and get them in order.

Fortunately, you shared the office with Soap and Ghost, and more recently, König, who had been temporarily reassigned to 1-4-1 for future missions. All three were certainly much better company than the other soldiers, between the various chats with Soap, Ghost's jokes – so awful they were actually funny – and König's charisma, it actually made the day better, at least for the hours spent at the desk.

The nightmare continued during the rest of the days, and with it grew the guilt within you: you never responded to all those comments that reached your ears – being a woman in the Task Force apparently was impossible, to the point of comments that made your skin crawl with disgust, nauseated at the very thought. You knew that you had worked hard to get where you were today, and that you had earned the rank of Sergeant on your own, with your own strength, always willing to give your all, even while doing chores around the base.

With a sigh, you had forced yourself to walk to your room, which was on the opposite side of the offices, knowing that you would pass anyone who would murmur about you, after all, it was just after dinner and the corridors were much more crowded than usual.

As expected, the stares didn't take long to arrive, and a few murmurs began to reach your ears. Quickening your pace, you found yourself panting in front of the door to your room – literally running away from all those people, feeling like you had no choice. The thought brought tears to your eyes, but you had no other choice.

-

Since you woke up, every movement around you put you on edge, the day started like any other, but the knowledge of admitting something like this made you nervous. You were sure they would understand, as they often asked if you were okay, checking up on you as a family. A strange one, but one of the best.

As you walked into your office like any other day, you found Ghost and Soap talking, both greeting you as you entered the room. You waited silently for them to finish their conversation, distractedly listening to the fact that they wanted to change some exercises about the training, sneaking closer to them, still wondering if it was the right choice – you were literally the same rank as Soap – and you handled worse situations better than this one, where your life or others were at stake.

You were so deep in your own thoughts that it took you some time to realize that both men were trying to get your attention, and you snapped back to reality when the door to the office burst open, revealing the tall and looming figure of König.

Soap placed a hand on your shoulder and squeezed gently with a warm smile on his face, "Hey – are you okay?"

You took a deep breath and felt König's presence at your side. You had a knot in your throat and you hoped not to stutter too much with your voice. "Yeah, I mean - kinda." The three men frowned, a bit confused by your behaviour in front of them. "I... don't know what else to do. I swear, I..."

The knot threatened to break at any moment, and you weren't so sure you wouldn't cry in front of your squadmates. "Every time I leave this office to just go somewhere, everyone starts talking–" you swallowed the luno in your throat again, feeling on the verge of tears. "They murmur about me, even disgusting things, and I know they aren't the truth, but now it happens every single day, every single moment I spend outside my room or this office–"

"Hey, hey, slow down..." Soap blocked you and made you sit down, Ghost still watching intently as König handed you a tissue, blinking and noticing that you were really crying. "Since when?"

Blowing your nose, you managed to mumble "a few weeks", letting the room fall silent after your words, except for your own stiffles, until Ghost resumed the conversation. "For today, you'll stay here and help Soap. König, you are with me today."

They all looked into each other's eyes in silent agreement, leaving you alone with the Scottish man. "They'll take care of everything, okay?" he hugged you gently, and you finally felt the weight off your shoulders, enough to allow you to breathe a little more.

-

Walking down the hall to breakfast felt strange, there was so much silence and fewer people, it felt so different when you spotted the others sitting at a table, you walked towards them with your coffee and found a place between Gaz and Ghost, with the others around.

"Sleep well?" Ghost murmured, leaning in your direction. For a moment you couldn't answer – there was so much silence that the atmosphere felt unreal. "Yeah, but... what happened?"

Price smiled as Ghost answered you. "There were... training changes."

You stared back at him, absorbing his words. You've never experienced anything like this in your life, and everyone helped you so quickly that you didn't even realize it was happening. You thanked him, a warm smile on your face as you came back to sip your coffee, finally relieved as you realized this was the best decision you could have made.

[sgiandubh]

On leadership

This is a personal comment on @luhafraser's last post, where she wrote, in plain English:

'But I can't help but notice that since I joined this fandom, what we have in all the groups in this fandom are "leaders", they come and go, new ones appear, or reinvent themselves. There are people that stand out and lead others to follow their ideas and statements. It is these people that receive information, have sources, receive pics, and are fed by "anonymous" (Sorry, but a lot of things that have already appeared could only have come from someone "inside"). I know we are all adults, but there are those who know how to influence or who are led to be influencers, there are those who understand that and there are those who don't.'

Dear @luhafraser,

You wrote a couple of things with great confidence, as you usually do, and I feel I have to say something,

I have invited you already to name names, not allude to persons in your posts, as you so transparently seem to be doing right now. So yes, I felt looked upon and judged. By you (and not only you). Since Day 1. You thought I was never going to respond, well - you were wrong. The day has come and the day is now.

Dear @luhafraser, while I do immensely appreciate your real qualities (intelligence, humor, sleuthing, etc.), I am less a fan of this kind of little games, both in public and behind the scenes. My sudden apparition seems to have bothered you, with Anons asking you (June 20, 2023) if I was really a new person joining in and you denying it without taking the time to talk to me:

This is simply not done, my dear. I have openly and transparently engaged with people since Day 1 and never lied about my own circumstances. Your answer started a flurry of speculation that kept people interested all summer long and forced me to dox myself. So kindly prove me and all the others I am not a newbie (something completely impossible to do), do it in public and own the things you post in here.

I am not a leader of anything, @luhafraser , and I have no wish to be regarded as such. Ever. I have learned, in 20 years of my high-level public service career, that being the boss corrupts and exposes. But yes, I did want to be a disruptively positive voice in what I felt to be an intimidated community. I wanted to bring more clarity and all those research skills to all of you. I wanted honesty. And I, above anything else, wanted to help. And I am sorry that people agreeing or liking what I post seems to bother you. It is not something I can help you with. It is what it is. There is a place for all our voices to be heard in here. Every single one of them.

I have no inside information on SC and never did. I have not betrayed anything that was shared with me in DMs and only posted things when adamantly asked to do so, after careful vetting and only from people I knew. However I am a hell of a bloodhound when I am set to find something and I am rather good at what I do, also in real life. I also know when to stop and will never share things that would be legally questionable. It would expose us and it is a risk simply not worth taking.

I am not here for clicks and likes. My block list is three or four times bigger than my dash. I do not care for fame, but I do care for a couple of trusted people that became real friends. It is for them and for them only that I am not giving you satisfaction and quit.

I keep my promises. I will not go anywhere. If you do not like what I write, please unfollow and block immediately - this goes for anyone that feels bothered about me being here, in any way. I have no wish to start a war with any of you - that would make Mordor glee with joy for months. But please do me and yourself a favor: if in doubt, go now. I cannot stand duplicity, never could.

I hope that sets the record straight. Believe it or not, I have no hostility towards you. Not a single ounce.

I am not expecting an answer.

[Later edit;] I am glad I doxed myself. Very glad. But that is another story.

[hetalia-club]

I'm not normally one to rant or anything but here goes.

I hesitate to tag this. but I feel it needs to be said, in fact I feel it HAS to be said or I think this fandom is just going to be done for within the next 5 or so years. People need to read this and understand what is happening within the fandom and not continue this behavior or turn a blind eye to it.

This fandom has a SERIOUS problem. I don't say that lightly either. I feel like 99% of this fandom are sweet and caring people. but we have that 1%.

This 1% is killing the community in this fandom. How is it okay to message someone, demand they make a statement on THEIR blog and when they say they don't want to talk about it you then tell them you wish they would die a horrible death?

TW for suicide and SA! (you have been warned) Long rant below. (preempted note to let everyone know that I am fine, I am not posting this for people to feel bad for me. I am using my own experiences as examples, but this is not a 'me' issue this is a fandom issue)

Why is that so normalized here? The vague blogging and the call to arms people in this fandom do is actually disgusting. Picking one person and just beating them down until they eventually leave the fandom and at the SAME people will be like. "Why is the Hetalia fandom so small?" Who wants to be in a fandom where making one statement that's not even bad could get you death threats?

I don't think the fandom realizes how hurtful what they say can be. Sure you might not have liked a post someone made because you disagreed. Well then scroll down, hit the block button and carry on with your life. Why do some of you feel it is acceptable behavior to make mass posts calling out someone or going into their inbox to tell them you wish they would kill themselves?

I say I don't like Spamano and people say they want me dead. I say I don't want to talk about IRL politics on my parody Hetalia blog and my life and entire country is threatened.

I say we shouldn't insert our ships into everyone's lives and let people ship what they want and not feel forced to appease you. and you guessed it people wish terrible things onto me and my body.

I feel the only way this behavior will change is if we start calling it out more. I know it will feel repetitive but I think ignoring it is only making it worse at this point.

I know a lot of people would read this and think "If you don't like it then leave the fandom" well YOU'RE the issue. This is not normal behavior. These are not actions of someone who is mentality well. Why should I leave a fandom I've been in for 10 years because some idiot cannot handle that I don't like shipping characters together? How is that impacting their life at all?

a few months ago I made a post and it was highjacked and someone totally just took it over and added their own thing onto it talking about SA. Totally out of left field not related to what I posted at all. I simply messaged them and asked them if they could please remove the comment as I am a survivor of SA and it don't think it was funny or appropriate to add onto my post and they just said. "No I can say anything I want to. I was talking about Hetalia so it's fine." like what do you mean no!? Who responds that way? What a normal considerate person would do is say "I'm sorry of course! I can just go make my own post." but no they just left it there. It's still there, won't say which post or who it was because it doesn't matter anymore.

But this is the kind of behavior I'm talking about. This weird entitlement of everyone being so defensive and angry all the time. Just wanting to pick a fight over nothing. You never know if simply saying something like (Example) "I don't really like Austria" Could land you 100 anons all saying they wanted you to off yourself. It's like a game of Russian roulette. It's a very stressful environment for a big creator to be in. All it really takes is the wrong person to see a post you made and disagreed with and all of a sudden they are making posts about you without mentioning your name but are CLEARLY about you saying "This person hates all Austrians, they are a neo-nazi and we should all block them and send them hate and also let's just reword what they said to make it sound 100x worse because people won't read the original post and they will just believe us." Who would want to be a creator in an environment like that?

would you believe me if I told you I still to this day am getting someone in my inbox calling for my r*pe because of the stupid fucking beauty pageant poll I did? Is that not insanity? Who is that person? Wtf is their life? I personally could not imagine sending hate to anyone for any reason, and if I did it would be off of anon and I would say it with my chest. Because in order for someone to push it that far they would have to saying some absolutely terrible stuff to make me take time from my day and life to give them negative energy.

The fandom is shrinking because of the 1% driving them away. They come after artists who draw a character in a way they don't like. They come after writers for depicting a character in a way they disagree with. They go after shippers for portraying their ship 'wrong'. They will comment on people's fun little head canons and just leave the rudest most unnecessary comments thinks like "He wouldn't do that" like okay?? Thanks for your insert betty sue. And it's always when you were never trying to set someone off is when they lose their minds. They do not understand even if a blog is big and has a lot of followers it is still THAT creators blog. they are a person not an identity who just churns out content for just you and they have to say and do whatever you want.

Another thing the 1% like to do on here is they will wait for you to say something and then they will jump to attack a person who does the thing you said you dislike and they will tell that person "blog name XYZ said you are a horrible person and I agree kill yourself" That one is a near direct quote I got not too long ago. I got several like that and actually had to message said creator and say "Why are you mad at me?" and they were completely confused, had no idea how they decided to attack me because of what they said. When I tell you that the 1% are sitting there frothing at the mouth wanting to send hate and death threats I mean that 100%

It's not JUST me either. All creators in the Hetalia fandom I'm sure could tell you about upsetting hate they received and had no idea what they even did or said wrong. I have spoken to former Hetalia blogs ones who I used to call my pals before I went on my hiatus and came back. They all said they left not because they started hating Hetalia but they left for their mental health because the 1% got too bold and unchecked. This was never an issue before quarantine. I know it brought a lot of new fans and that's great! But I also feel along with bringing in some wonderful people it brought in some really dark minded people as well. Saying "Just disable anons and move on" is also not a solution. these people are still here and if they're not bothering me or you they are tormenting someone else because that's what these people do. That 'someone else' may only need the tiniest nudge at the edge and they may just actually hurt themselves. You don't know people. You don't know what everyone is going through. You don't know what someone's life is like outside of here.

PLEASE Please! stop telling people to kill themselves. Stop telling people to go get R**ed in a gutter. Get some help talk to a therapist, a friend, a trusted teacher, a life coach, your parents, your sibling. anyone! And if you don't have anyone in your life you can talk to you can message me and we can talk about what you're going through. I'm sure any other Hetalian on here would say the same thing. Bloggers are real people.

International suicide hotlines

Website to help you find a therapist in your own country and in your price range

I know I will more than likely get hate for posting this. Which is upsetting to just know is going to happen but someone needs to say this because it's getting kind of out of control these last couple months I feel.

if you read this through reblog it, spread it around let the people who NEED to see it see it.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Any idea about how the timeline of TWST would even look??? With the events, vignettes and Books?

Like, actual dates and such? I saw some comments saying that Yana confirmed that all begins in late September, but you can’t be serious that Riddle recovered that quickly from a OB.

Is okay if you don’t respond. Just, trying to get stuff in order here

Hi, let me start off by saying that, in regards to book 1, it does indeed take place in late September (as Yana herself has stated). On the subject of Overblots, all of the OB boys (Riddle included) revert back to their normal forms after they are defeated in battle. That (I guess) technically counts as recovery, doesn't it (since they're no longer in their OB forms)? I'm assuming that the OB students are not immediately sentenced back to classwork (where they may be putting themselves in further danger by exerting their bodies to use more magic). They're probably put in a probation period and/or monitored closely before they're given the clearance to go back to using magic. After all, it usually only takes regular rest, meals, and relaxing to restore one's magic and to ease away blot. Now, about the rest of the ask!! I won't be putting together a timeline. It would be a different matter entirely if I was being asked to just do this for the main story and maybe events (a lot of events, especially sequels or birthdays, could be lumped into the same general time frames), but all vignettes as well? That's where I draw the line. Right now, there are over 100 vignettes in Twisted Wonderland, and it's simply NOT feasible to comb through each one individually and seek out context clues for when the vignettes may be happening. Not only that, but I know for a fact that not every vignette will have clues about when they are taking place. I'm sorry, but no one has the time to do that, certainly not me 💦

Frankly, putting together a single comprehensive timeline for TWST is an impossible task. I know that there's been many fans who have tried their hand at this (and I applaud them for their efforts! It's nothing to sneeze at), but it's just not able to be feasibly done. There is no arrangement which neatly puts everything together in a way that makes total sense. (It would also be a VERY chaotic year if all the TWST content that has been released so far happened in the span of less than one year in which the main story occurs.) There will always be inconsistencies in how the characters act or what other details are referenced which will contradict where they are placed in the timeline. (For example, why is Epel friendly with Vil during the Halloween events in autumn when Epel didn't get his character development and learn to respect Vil until book 7 in like... early spring? It cannot be the Halloween after book 5 because Vil would be gone on his internship.) This is also an issue that the TWST devs themselves have, so Yana Toboso basically came out and said that vignettes and events happen in their own alternate timelines separate from that of the main story. (For example, Fairy Gala: If isthe event that is most obviously an alternate retelling of the original Fairy Gala; if this event were occurring after the other, the characters would be commenting on “why is this happening again”.)

At best, you'll be able to guess season, months, or general spans of time; there are rarely concrete dates granted (excluding birthdays, Halloween, Sam's New Year Sale, and/or NRC Founding Day/Anniversary). I also want to note that a lot of people tend to assume the Ceremonial Robes vignettes are all set before the entrance ceremony, but this is not necessarily true as we have outliers like Deuce’s vignettes which indicate he is wearing his robes for a special ceremony other than the opening one.

I would recommend researching yourself, maybe looking into timelines other people have made for fun. Just don't get too caught up in the technicalities and please be aware that the "perfect" and "contradiction-free" TWST timeline does not exist.

[steddie-thirst]

Knock His Block | Eddie Munson x (Shy) Fem!Reader |

Summary: Eddie can't stop himself when he sees you defenseless. When Jason is seen picking on you, the shy girl, he decides to be a bit chivalrous and offers to be your bodyguard.

(Warnings blood, Jason, fluff, angst, chilvarous!Eddie, fighting, blood, broken noses)

Hello my lovely readers I wanted to take time to let you know that from now on we will refer to Y/N as 'Belle' and I know this may be a bit frustrating for some of my readers, but I simply cannot stand to write (Y/N) in my stories. It is still an X Reader and there are no special physical descriptions of the reader and I will not give a specific body type. Simply imagine it's your name instead of Belle. Thank you! If you chose to stop reading or have questions I understand!

"So, Eddie?" Dustin speaks up eyes darting over to his unusually silent friend.

Eddie is idly tapping his knuckles on the speckled table beneath, clearly deep in thought. Only being brough out of when his name is called. "Hmm?" He hums, eyes flitting over to gaze at the small curly haired boy a small indication to let him know that he was listening.

"Are you listening?" Dustin asked and the metalhead huffs a short laugh leaving him.

"Sorry, no. Jus' been thinking." Eddie replied, palms flattening out against the surface before leaning back to straighten up in his chair. Like a king on a throne. Eddie surely was something to admire.

"Great." Dustin states. "But are you really cancelling Hellfire?" He reiterated his question still reeling from the announcement. The other members, Gareth, Jeff and Kevin looked to their leader for an answer. It was almost unheard for Eddie to cancel any meetings especially at the end of a campaign. He was insane! Or had to be because it would explain a lot.

Eddie sighs shoulders dropping, "Alright, I'll let you in on a little secret." He watches as they all lean forward turning an ear to listen to what their leader had to say. Eddie glances around the cafeteria, before leaning in too. "Boys, I've got a date with destiny."

"The girl from homeroom?" Gareth chimed in and Eddie responded with a groan elbowing him.

The drummer didn't appreciate the sentiment. "Ow." He whined rubbing his side.

"No, with that cutie in O'Donnell's." Eddie corrected, eyeing to his watchful flock. Then they flit over to the doors at then end of the lunch hall. "Speak and she appears." They all turn their eyes to view the mystery girl.

"Belle?" Jeff was shocked. "You have a date with her? Isn't she like super quiet? Barely says anything?" He furrowed his brow in despite of Eddie's admittance to said 'date' although he made it clear.

"Well." He shrugs non-chalant, hands clapping together. "It's not really a date. She's coming over to mine to study, so." Eddie looks back down at his hands fidling with his ring entranced by the shiny metal.

"But you wish it was a date." Jeff comments reaching for his soda and Eddie looks up back to the bassist.

"What?"

"He said you wish it was was date." Gareth intrudes into the conversation, Dustin and Mike interlocked in their own world away from the seniors. "Eddie, you have a thing for soft girls. Belle is one of them. I've seen how you look at her."

Eddie shakes his head in disbelief. "I-I can't just ask her I mean... Hello, she fits into a crowd with Steve Harrington!" The guitarist almost shouted.

"Talk to her." Kevin pipes up catching the metalheads attention, still off-guard by the support from his band mates. The younger members excusing themselves to chase after Lucas, but really just didn't want to be a part of all this girl talk.

"Talk-? Talk to her?" Eddie shakes his head and waves his hands wildly. "No, absolutely not. Have you seen me talking to girls."

"Yes." They all agreed.

Eddie huffs slamming his hands down defeat chest puffing out. He was frustrated and who would blame him. "Fine. I'll talk to her and if she.. she doesn't feel the same I'll be done with it."

The others cheered for their friend, a leader, a kind person, and all around genuinely nice guy. Not that most people would think that but they did and that's what matters. So when the bell rang he swiftly made his exit towards your locker. However, when he got there Eddie stopped. Jason was there face to face with you. His head fell back against the white-washed brick and he let out a sigh.

"Come on," Jason urges, "You can't help me just a little?" You look at him as he steps closer leaning on arm on the lockers trapping you.

With a shake of your head you deny him. "Jason, I.. I'm already booked tonight. Tonight I'm tu-tutoring, Eddie-"

"Munson? That fucking- Shit -" He hissed. Clenching his fists in anger as he thinks it over. You alone with Eddie? No - Not on his watch.

"He needed help. So I-I invited him over and.." You trailed off smiling at the thought of being alone with your very own high-school crush. Eddie was sweet, loving, and enthusiastic about the mystical and mysterious.

Eddie pressed his back to the end of the wall and tried to steady his breathing. You sounded excited and eager to spend time with him.

The jock did not seemed to thrilled on his end however. Jason wasn't being exactly to nice with his words. "You what-?!"

"I-I offered to help Ed-Eddie tonight for the- the final." You stammered helplessly. Eddie felt his heart crack at the soft tember of your voice. You sounded frightened. Terrified even.

"Why?! Eddie is just gonna fail anyway he probably just wants to get into your pants or use you for his fucking cult shit!" Jason snapped. His hand flying past your head and making contact with the locker. You jumped at the near miss of contact. Eddie was peering around the corner watching as Jason got in your face. Nose to nose. He was seeing red in that moment.

You choked on your breath as Jason's fingers cut of your oxygen supply. His jaw was clenched, brows knitted together and lips pulled back into a scowl.

"H-He's not going to fail. Eddie has being trying really hard-Hgh!" You let out a choked breath as Jason's fingers wrapped around your throat, squeezing just enough to cause bruising. He touched you. His hands on were around your neck and Eddie went berserk.

"You better fucking cancel it. Or I swear I'll make you regret it." He spat. Eddie's sneakers squeaked against the tiles as he rushed over to the scene. It was like a flash of black and blue. Eddie tackled the player to the ground and held him down. Hands gripping Jason's forearms and legs on either side of his thigh.

"Get off me freak!" Jason spat.

"E-Eddie?" You were shocked. The guitarist had come out of nowhere tackling Jason to the ground. Hands on him in an instant.

"No, not until you learn to keep your hands off girls, Carver." Eddie spat, pinning the jock to the floor.

Jason smirked. "Aw, you got the hots for her? You think about her at night?" Eddie faltered for a second and Jason saw through it. "To bad she's usually begging me for more." He snapped.

Ring clad knuckles striking down across Jason's nose a sickening crack could be heard there after. The jock had a broken nose, bleeding and dripping down his face. He kneed Eddie off of him tumbling over until he was over the metalhead. Punch after punch was delivered.

"Stop! Stop!" You cried. Another teacher heard the commotion and helped pull the two students off each other. Peeling them apart from each other then directed them towards the principal office.

That same day you ended up giving Eddie a ride home after spending most of it in detention. He had his van in the shop and needed a ride home. "I'm sorry." Eddie breaks the silence of the ride and you turn to glance at him. His eyes were glassy. Eddie was clearly upset for going crazy on Jason in the hall, but you weren't mad at him.

"Don't be sorry, Eddie. Jason was-"

"Out of line? Hurting you?" He offers a few suggestions and you smile. Those soft eyes look over to your relaxed form. Eyes focused on the road. He wanted nothing but to keep you safe. "Belle?"

His voice was soft something that usually wasn't common with Eddie. "Yes?" You briefly glance at the metalhead and the way the occasional street lamp illuminates his face. The radio plays quietly in the background Every Breath You Take by Sting. You smile, it's a nice touch to the atmosphere.

"I-I want to protect you.. Want to make you feel safe." You almost gasped, heart leaping in your chest at his admittance.

"Eddie, you don't have to. I'm fine-"

"No!" He shouts hands slamming down against the dash, "Fuck, Belle you- you mean so much to me. I like you! I want to be with you and it's crazy how you make me feel." Eddie looks back at you. "Shit.." He just poured his heart out to you and now you were absolutely silent.

"Good, cause I like you too. I could use a bodyguard." You admitted with a smile. Eddie couldn't help the smile that appeared on a face and now he felt like a-million bucks.

"Consider me your knight, your majesty." He speaks a smile on her face now.

TAGLIST:

@yaspillz @st-ls @munsonloverblog @off-phelia @strangerthingsstories5255 @fujiihime @shyposttree @damon-loves-pie @fanficfanatic204 @positivevibesnlif3 @beebslebobs @seratoninsickness @k0urti @thatlonelypieceoftoast @marianita195 @bbarnes04 @phantomxoxo @wittlewowa @buchanansbaby @rollergirlworld @allithewriter @555stargirl555 @gothguitargal @eddiemunsons-missingnipple

[dukeofankh]

hey i really really appreciate your posts abt purity culture, desire and objectification and your perspective as an ex-evangelical!! having been born and raised a jew myself i've always been aware of how bullshit all of that stuff is, but not really able to articulate it as specifically as you seem able to, and i find your eloquence really impressive. with that known, i actually have a specific thing that's been bothering me, and i think it's an evangelical purity culture based thing, and hinges on that distinction you made in a post abt a week ago abt how to a lot of people "objectification" = "looking with lust" = "basically adultery"-- okay here goes:

on gay tiktok, there is currently a trend of women (or some nb ppl) who are attracted to women commenting on thirst-traps posted by women the memetic phrase "i am no better than a man".

now this really rubs me the wrong way for a lot of reasons (mainly: contextually this is almost always on videos that are INTENDED to be sexy so why is it weird to find this woman, who filmed and edited this video to be sexy, sexy?? AND what the hell do you mean abt gender by saying this???? women can't desire people?? men can only desire in predatory ways???), and it's weird in that specific way where i'm like. i smell weird cultural christian values embedded in this. but i can't quite articulate the way it all fits together.

this may be way out of line for me to bother you in your inbox like this, but i was hoping to get your take? your ability to explain this stuff clearly and with context i never knew existed is really valuable and while i have seen people responding on tumblr to say "uhhh don't say this", they haven't really articulated what's driving people to say such a specific thing, so much that it becomes a meme.

if u feel this isn't something you want to speak on, that's totally fine! and i just want to say thank you again for your thoughtful posts.

also i feel very weird abt dropping this veritable essay in your inbox so sorry!!

No worries! I love to talk, and I already have opinions on that particular meme 😆.

You've definitely gotten the gist of it, yeah. It's a bunch of unexamined sexist ideas about sex and desire repackaged in the sort of fun memey "it's not that deep, chill out" shell that absolutely thrives on social media. Some of it's Christian, some of it is the radfem repackaging of Christian ideas.

Basically, the version of Sexual Objectification championed by radfem writers like Dworkin was adapted from Immanuel Kant, a Christian philosopher/theologian, so it's not just cultural Christianity, it's also a direct intellectual connection. They just changed the idea from "all people, when overtaken by lust, cease to see people as people and can see them only as means to achieve their sinful sexual gratification. This cannot be avoided, but can be balanced out by keeping sex within a marriage that is otherwise built on commitment and respect," to "Men, when overtaken by lust, cease to see women as people and can see them only as a means to achieve their sinful sexual gratification (due to their patriarchal training to harm and dominate). This cannot be avoided, especially not by marriage, which is one of the main ways the Patriarchy codifies the subjugation of women to men."

Basically, Radfems and Christians get along because Radfems feel the same way about masculine sexuality that Christian men feel about their own sexuality. As for women...both Radfems and more modern Christians are pretty sure that women don't Do Lust in the same way men do. Like, women see people as ends in and of themselves, as fellow Subjects. Men see women as objects. As means to an end, that end being their own sexual gratification.

A few decades later and after a fair bit of social media iteration, we get to this weird point.

What they're basically saying is, "god damn. I swiped onto this thirst trap and I didn't even think about your personality or your accomplishments or anything. I literally just saw big jiggly titties and that's all I can think about. I am sexually attracted to you, and yet it isn't reflective of your soul or a deep connection between us or anything, despite the fact that I'm a woman and I'm supposed to be above just liking your body and that turning me on. Huh. This is what I have heard people describe men's sexuality as being like. You are so sexy that you are causing me to act as badly as men do."

See also: the way tiktok has redefined "the male gaze" and "the female gaze" to just mean "stuff men vs. women respectively like to look at" with most explicitly sexualized visual media being assigned to the former. Women are supposed to like things subtler than that.

Like, saying "I am no better than a man" could be a push to re-examine whether maybe a celibate 18th century theologian/philosopher is a bad foundation for your understanding of sexual desire. I would like to think that for some of these women it probably is sparking self reflection, going "huh, yeah, I guess we all do this."

But as a meme, honestly, even as it claims to lower ones own status I think it still maintains a claim of moral superiority? Like, "yeah, I'm being a horndog, but I am self aware about it. I can tell that I'm being horny on main right now, and it's something that has been conditionally activated by this very sexy thirst trap. Men are like this all the time and they don't even know."

I, obviously, don't like that. I don't like people saying "I'm acting like a man" when they mean "I'm perving on you", I don't like ranking a lack of desire as being better than desire, I don't like ranking genders or better or worse than another. I don't think it's causing problems as much as it's reflecting problems that have been there for a long time, but hey, it stinks.

[azrielgreen]

I don’t see how you can interpret “your writing has ruined me for anyone else” as anything /but/unfair. Why can’t people compliment you without bringing other writers into it? It literally is rude and I’m sorry I can’t see how it’s not.

A) if a person is checking and policing tone of how praise is given, then it's reasonable to assume that person is miserable in fandom and should take a break/priorotise their mental health.

B) people are and always will be free to express themselves in happiness however they like and no one gets to shame them for that.

C) no one is actually bringing other writers into it except you. The extremely common "ruined me for all else" thing is a very broad generalisation, and it's completely harmless. I don't look at a compliment like that and actually think for a moment that it's true because explorative enjoyment is an evolving process, and people will ALWAYS find something new along the way. No one is actually "ruined," nor are they declaring the exclusion of all other fic except mine as you are well aware. It's hyperbole. It's exuberant excitement and joy, and I'm so sorry to say, but when you are literally policing the TONE of someone's joyful expression, your behaviour is unhealthy, toxic and plain gross. Crossing the line to actively harass someone is bullying.

D) I write for free. I have a reasonable expectation to set boundaries with people coming into my comment section to intentionally seek out something they consider to be problematic. I will delete these comments every single time.

E) the fact that you're bound and determined to FIND problems in a place where you should only be engaging with what brings you happiness, makes me really sad. This kind of bullshit isn't why I write and I work REALLY hard, so dealing with this kind of thing is incredibly disappointing and yet a further reminder of why fandom can be so toxic and unpleasant.

I cannot understand why anyone would waste their time like this. If you don't like me/my work/how people engage, then please don't READ my work and avoid me and my pages.

Furthermore, I remember your Ask from months ago. I responded to you as fully as I could and I do agree with some of what you said back then but coming into my comments to bully people - and that's exactly what you're doing when you bring unsolicited aggression to a place of self expression - is completely unacceptable.

It's fanfiction. It's there to read for free. I write in what very little spare time I have and this kind of thing really doesn't vibe with me at all. Fandom drama is best left for those to whom it gives meaning and nourishment, and that's absolutely not me. I'm here to write and create.

Please respect the boundary I'm setting here. Invading comments like this is not OK and I will not tolerate it.

[presentlydean]

my god the revisionist history in this fandom sometimes, like.  i guess some part of me should be glad that people watching it in 2023 can watch supernatural and say, this show was not queerbaiting, dean and cas are obviously together and anyone who watches it should know, and the confession was redundant and useless, but.

guys.

i'm not saying this undercut the work of many writers who spent years layering in details of queer subtext, parallel storylines, and meaningful moments between dean and cas.  those things exist—alongside actively homophobic text, yes, but they exist, and they are important—hugely so to me.  but there is a reason why destiel is a case study in academic works on queerbaiting.  there's a wink and a nudge that comes with a lot of the queer subtext in the 2000s and 2010s, where creators can allude to their characters being queer either by having other characters joke about them or by putting them in queer situations, but the audience is supposed to be in on the ‘joke’ and nothing is meant to come of it.  nothing was meant to come of the queer subtext on supernatural.  it was always meant to be queerbaiting.  

i'm going to call out season eight/season nine era specifically because it was mentioned in one of the posts i'm vaguing (if you see this—i just didn’t want to reblog yours to be grumpy and contrary so i made my own—no ill will!).  watching supernatural as season eight aired was actively painful because you would see these parallels between sam and amelia and dean and cas; you’d watch the writers layer in romantic tropes for dean and cas; you’d have dean on his knees, bloody, saying “this isn’t you, i need you;” you’d have all the deans cas was brainwashed to kill; you’d have “he’s in love…………………with humanity”—and then a fan would go up on stage in a convention and ask a simple question about the relationship between dean and cas and get eviscerated.  that's if you manage to get a question about them past the censors—oh! because questions about ‘destiel’ were literally banned.   

a teenager says she’s bisexual and is booed by the convention audience and dismissed by jensen ackles (“i'm gonna pretend i don’t know what you asked,’ as i seem to recall him saying) for saying she sees a lot of herself in dean and asking if he might be bi.  homophobic jokes from the actors.  big, blow-out fights between fans and creators.  a bigwig getting on twitter and calling fans delusional for pointing out what was actively happening between the characters and what it implies (this is where misha collins’s “your not crazy” tweet came in, and let me tell you people held onto that one like it was a lifeline—because it was).  people quit the fandom then, a lot of them, because of how vicious it was.  people would send anon hate to destiel shippers telling them to kill themselves while literally quoting jared and jensen’s nasty comments on dean and cas.  after that point, even the show started trying to dismantle some of the affection between dean and cas after that point (cue someone asking about the relationship between the characters and jensen saying they don’t really have one this season, and it’s refreshing because the dean and cas thing has been blown out of proportion).   

as someone who was a young adult and had imprinted on this show like a baby duckling, it was just a straight up bad time.  and i'm sorry, you cannot say that just because there was a subtextually queer connection between dean and cas at that point, the show wasn’t queerbaiting.  if the creators cannot respond to polite questions about the basic queer subtext of their show, that’s queerbaiting.  it just is. 

and as for the confession?  it was hugely important.  and half of what made the confession powerful actually was “in just saying it,” not just for the characters, but also given the fraught context of the show.  in speaking it, they made it real in a way that it wasn’t before simply because of the cultural context it exists in.  they said the thing that they had forbidden. 

when i say ‘unparalleled media experience’ when talking about supernatural, i really do mean it.  never have i seen a show so actively hateful towards its fans turn around and say, no, we were wrong, you were right (and then weirdly try to reverse it after the show ended????).  i stopped breathing when cas started his confession because, after the pain that came from season eight and nine, i never thought they would get as close to explicitly stated destiel again.  and then they did it.  they said that right there.  after all those years. 

dean should have kissed him.

[delicatenightfury]

Star of the Mountain Chapter 36

Warnings: fluff, angst, canon-level violence, spoilers for the Hobbit films

Pairing: OC x Thorin Oakenshield

Beta'd By: @mistys-blerbz

Author's Note: please do not steal my work! I do not own the Hobbit or the characters, but I do own my OCs and the parts of the plot that are not part of the movies. I have worked very hard on this fic. Please be respectful and do not steal.

Please comment, reblog, and like!

Masterlist - Previous Chapter - Next Chapter

“What’s on your mind?”

Oreliell glanced over at Thorin, who was seated at his desk. He appeared to be combing through various stacks of papers, but she knew that he was still quite attuned to her.

Oreliell sighed.

“I don’t know,” she said. “I just feel as though something is wrong.”

Thorin put down his papers and turned in his chair to face her.

“What makes you say that?”

Oreliell hesitated. She wondered if her concerns were simply in her mind, that she was fabricating something out of nothing. 

Thorin stood from his seat and joined her by the large window. He took her hand, prompting her to look at him. The sun had barely risen over the horizon, yet the early morning glow cast a brilliant orange across the study.

“It is far too early to see your face so troubled, gimlelul. You must tell me when something is weighing on you. I cannot read your mind. I leave that job to you sister.”

Oreliell smiled slightly at his attempt to jest, but sighed.

“It is actually Vedis I am worried about. I have not been able to find her.”

“It is still early in the day.”

“Vedis rises earlier than the sun. She always has. Last night, something seemed to be troubling her at dinner. Then during the night, I heard her leave her room. When I checked this morning, she still was not there.”

“Have you tried calling for her?”

“Many times. She has not responded.”

“Is it possible she is simply out of reach?”

“Erebor may be vast, but we have yet to find a distance where she cannot reach me.”

Before Thorin could say anything more, there was an almost frantic knock at the door. The two exchanged glances of confusion.

“Enter,” Throin called.

The door opened slightly and a dwarf popped his head inside.

“Ori?” Oreliell said.

“I’m sorry for disturbing you,” he said.

“Nonsense, Ori. What is it?” Thorin asked.

“There’s… well, there’s been a situation in the throne room.”

Thorin’s brow furrowed.

“What kind of situation?”

“It’s best if you see for yourself.”

Thorin sighed, but nodded. He looked at Oreliell.

“We will deal with this, then I will help you find Vedis,” he said.

Oreliell smiled.

The two followed Ori out and to the throne room, where several guards stood. Typically, only two guards stood outside the throne room at a time. The guards bowed their heads to Thorin and let them inside. The throne room was empty, minus the small gathering of dwarves by the throne. Oreliell realized that they were all members of the company, plus Dís. They were mumbling quietly to themselves, making it slightly challenging for Oreliell to determine what was being discussed.

“Thorin,” Dwalin said, dragging everyone’s attention to them.

Thorin greeted them.

“What has happened?” he asked. “Ori said there was a situation.”

Dwalin nodded.

“It’s the Arkenstone.”

“What about it?”

“Thorin,” Dís said, stepping forward. “It’s missing.”

Oreliell’s eyes went wide and shot up to the throne. Sure enough, the Arkenstone was vacant from its place.

Oreliell felt someone grab her hand. Her gaze was drawn away and down to Thorin. He had her hand in a tight grip.

“How?” Thorin said.

“It was Bifur that discovered it,” Bofur offered. “Go on, brother.”

Bifur stepped forward. He had somehow lost the ax that had been lodged in his head during the battle, miraculously giving him the ability to speak in common tongue again.

“I was making my normal rounds this morning when I discovered it,” he said. “I came into the throne room and saw that the stone was missing. I called for Dwalin and made sure no one came in.”

“When I got here, I instructed several guards to remain outside,” Dwalin said, continuing with the report. “No one on rounds saw anyone go in or out of the hall.”

“The stone couldn’t have just disappeared,” Kili said.

“And we are sure it is nowhere in the hall?” Thorin said. “And that none of the guards have seen it?”

Dwalin shook his head.

“I questioned them all myself. None reported noticing anything, and they’ve all been sworn to secrecy until we figure out what has happened.”

Thorin nodded. 

“Very good. Let’s initiate a search, but it must be kept quiet. No one must know. We do not want to create an uproar.”

Dwalin turned to the company and began passing out roles. Gloin was assigned to gather men, and several others would head different groups. The rest of the company would work to make sure word did not get out.

Oreliell looked down at Thorin. She squeezed his hand slightly to gain his attention.

“{Are you all right?}” she asked in elvish.

Thorin took a minute to respond, but ultimately shook his head.

“{The last time the Arkenstone was missing, I nearly lost my mind to the dragon sickness. It is the king’s jewel. To know it is missing once again… is difficult to come to terms with.}” He squeezed her hand. “{But I will get through this. It was the thought of you that pulled me through the darkness last time. With you now physically by my side, I believe I am less likely to stumble.}”

“{Even if you did, I would be there to catch you, my love. You need not stand alone ever again,}” she told him.

Thorin smiled up at her and pressed a kiss to the back of her hand.

“Thank you,” he whispered, making Oreliell smile. He looked away, going to say something when he noticed Dís and Dwalin looking at them. He eyes them suspiciously as Dís whispered to Dwalin, staring at her brother in surprise. Thorin sighed. “Now what are they up to?” he muttered.

Oreliell chuckled in amusement.

“Dís is merely commenting on the fact that you speak my native tongue,” she said. “The thought that you took the time to learn elvish never crossed her mind apparently.”

“Only enough for insults, once upon a time.”

“Like what you said back in Mirkwood?”

Thorin rolled his eyes at her teasing tone.

“We were being falsely imprisoned,” he grumbled. “Thranduil had no reason to detain us, that stuck up stick pixie.”

Oreliell laughed.

Dwalin, Balin, and Dís approached the two. Dís looked between them, obviously amused by what she had witnessed. But her expression became serious when Balin began speaking.

“This is most troubling,” he said. “We won’t be able to hold off the people forever. What will we tell them?”

“And what about the council?” Dís asked. “They are going to be anxious and curious about all the secrecy.” 

Thorin sighed and ran his free hand over his face.

“We wait. Searching for the Arkenstone will be our primary focus. However, should we not find it, we will call a council meeting in the morning.”

Dwalin put his hand on Thorin’s shoulder.

“Will you be all right?”

“Yes,” Thorin said. “It is in the best interest of Erebor that we remain calm. We do not need to incite concern. But Dwalin, I want an increased guard around the mountain. Make it subtle if you can. If the stone, thief, or a clue is found, I want to know about it.”

“Of course.”

“We will find it, brother,” Dís said. “Do not worry.”

Despite the efforts of the search parties and increased guard, nothing turned up that day. Oreliell could tell that Thorin was becoming anxious. He tried to keep himself occupied with other things, but she knew the disappearance of the Arkenstone was weighing on his mind. Thankfully, not as heavy as it had before the battle. Thorin tried to keep Oreliell as close as possible, and was almost constantly holding her hand, as if it were to ground himself.

The next morning, Thorin summoned the council. Oreliell could hear them gathering behind the large wood doors, talking amongst themselves. She glanced at Thorin who straightened his coat. She offered her hand to him, smiling when he took and squeezed it.

“It’s going to be all right, Thorin,” she said. “We are here for you.”

“I know. And I will be forever grateful for your support. I just worry what will happen should this get out. What if my rule is questioned? I have lost the symbol of the king, and nearly lost the mountain. What if I am unfit to be in this role?”

“Enough of that.” She brushed some hair away from his face and ran her fingers through his hair. “You have done so much for Erebor and its people. You won back your home, you are restoring it to its glory, and you have brought your people back. No one else was able to or tried to do such a thing. It was you.”

Oreliell could tell that his smile was slightly forced, but his eyes told her that he was grateful for her words.

Thorin rolled his shoulders and pushed open the door to the council hall. The dwarves nodded in greeting to the two of them as they made their way to the table. Oreliell looked around at them. Those that had been part of the company looked tense, the knowledge of the missing Arkenstone weighing them with worry. The others were quiet but appeared confused as to why they had been summoned. And as always, Lord Korvon looked at her with disapproval in his eyes. He did little to hide his displeasure, but she was not going to try to force him to accept her. 

Oreliell took her seat beside Thorin, who remained standing at the head of the table.

“Thank you for coming on short notice,” he said. “I would not have called you here if it were not dire.”

“Dire?” Lord Malark said. “What do you mean? Has something happened?”

Thorin glanced at Oreliell. She gave him a small smile and a nod. He turned his eyes back to the council.

“Yesterday, we discovered that Arkenstone had disappeared.”

Several of them gasped in shock and questions were fired in quick succession.

“How could this have happened?”

“Where were the guards?”

“Are there any leads?”

“Who could have dared to do such a thing?”

“Let the king speak,” Dain said over them.

“We do not know much, other than it was stolen during the night,” Thorin said after nodding at his cousin. “We have had additional guards posted outside the throne room, and patrols around the mountain have been increased. We are on the lookout for the thief, but so far we do not have much. Our goal is to keep the mountain from going into a panic if this were to get out.”

“I agree with this decision, your majesty,” Lord Trinan said. “We have had too much uncertainty regarding our home. Adding another reason would not be wise.”

“What else can we do to help?” Dain asked.

They dove into plans about how else they were going to search for the Arkenstone. They organized further search parties and guard rotations. They even created plans for if the people came to learn about the missing stone.

Oreliell saw Thorin become more and more relaxed as the council talked. Having plans in place was easing his nerves. Knowing that he had their support even though the Arkenstone was missing was a weight off his mind.

The lords pitched in their suggestions for the plans, debating what would be the most efficient way to assist in the search. However, one lord was rather quiet, simply observing the talks rather than putting forth his thoughts.

Apparently, she was not the only one to notice.

“Lord Korvon,” Dís said. “You have been rather quiet today, which is quite unlike you. Is everything all right?”

“Yes, your highness,” he said. “It’s just… I couldn’t help but notice something peculiar.”

“And what is that?”

“Lady Oreliell.”

Oreliell was slightly caught off guard. He had never once addressed her so formally, and his tone was… somewhere between mocking and curious.

“Yes?”

“May I ask where your sister is? I can’t help but notice that she is absent today.”

“I’m not sure, Lord Korvon.”

“Not sure? Surely you have some idea.”

“Unfortunately not.”

“But you two are practically joined at the hip.”

“Believe it or not, I am not my sister’s keeper. She may come and go as she pleases.”

“When did you last see her?”

“The other night when she left Thorin and I to spar at the training grounds.”

“Curious.”

“Why does all that matter, Lord Korvon?” Kili asked. “Vedis is allowed to miss a council meeting if she is occupied.”

Korvon shrugged, feigning innocence.

“It’s a simple observation, my prince. Or rather, it seems like a coincidence.”

Oreliell tensed, sensing where he was going with his line of thought.

“Speak plainly, boy,” Lord Rusnig said. “What are you getting at?”

Korvon huffed.

“Does no one else find it odd that the elf should go missing the same night that the Arkenstone does?”

The room fell silent. Oreliell stared at Korvon in shock.

“Lord Korvon, you can’t possibly be suggesting that Vedis is the one who has stolen the Arkenstone,” Balin said.

“Why is that so unbelievable?”

“What is the basis of your accusation? What proof do you have?”

“The night the stone went missing, so did she. Oreliell herself said she hasn’t seen her sister since then. And when I was taking a walk that night, I saw her headed toward the throne room.”

“Vedis patrols the mountain at night,” Dwalin said lowly, arms crossed over his chest. “That is hardly proof.”

“She kept looking around like she was making sure she wasn’t being followed! She was paranoid!”

“Perhaps it is because of dwarves like you that hold ill intent toward them,” Dain replied.

“Have I a reason not to? Elves betrayed us in our time of need. When Smaug first attacked the mountain, the elves of the Greenwood watched as our people died before turning their backs on us. When we sought shelter in the aftermath, they shut us out! And before that, elves have tried to stake a claim on treasure that is rightfully ours!”

“All of those instances were with the Woodland Realm and King Thranduil, and those conflicts have begun to be resolved,” Balin told him. “Oreliell and Vedis have only ever helped us.”

“Are you sure? Who’s to say that they haven’t been deceiving you all this time? They could have planned all this from the beginning, planned to seduce and trick our king by feigning helping him search for Prince Thrain and later reclaiming the mountain. All this was a ruse to aid the elves of Mirkwood get into the mountain and steal from us!”

“That is enough!” Thorin said. He was on his feet once again and glaring at the dwarf lord. “I suggest you hold your tongue if you wish to keep it, Lord Korvon. I will not have you slandering my One, your soon-to-be queen, or her sister. To suggest that they could be behind the Arkenstone’s disappearance or that they would create such an elaborate ruse with a kingdom they hold no allegiance to is disgraceful. I will hear no more of it.”

Korvon narrowed his eyes before shoving his seat back and storming out of the room. Many angry eyes followed him out. Thorin looked at the other dwarf lords, who all appeared to be shocked by their fellow dwarf’s outburst.

“If there is nothing else to discuss concerning this matter, you are dismissed,” he said behind gritted teeth.

“The nerve that man has,” Dís grumbled once the lords had left the room.

The others voiced their frustrations. Oreliell, however, stayed silent, still in shock. Lord Korvon’s words echoed in her mind. She felt hands on her shoulders, only slightly pulling her out of her thoughts. She placed her hand over one of Thorin’s, squeezing it.

“I cannot believe he would accuse Vedis of such a horrible thing,” Kili said. “She would never steal the Arkenstone!”

“But he’s right.”

Once again, the room went quiet. The dwarves looked to Oreliell, stunned that she would agree with Lord Korvon.

“Oreliell,” Thorin said. “Lord Korvon is simply looking to place blame.”

She shook her head.

“I’m not saying he’s right about Vedis stealing the Arkenstone. She practically hates the thing. I’m saying that the timing of it all is suspicious.”

Dain leaned forward, resting his arms on the table.

“How so?” he asked.

“Even if Vedis wanted to steal the stone, she would not have done so so obviously. She’s incredibly smart. She would have stolen the stone, stored it somewhere she deemed safe, then stayed present to feign assistance in searching and lead it away from her. Her absence raises suspicion of her being the thief and makes her more likely to be caught.”

The others thought on this in silence for a moment, slowly nodding.

“You’re right,” Dwalin said. “It’s too convenient, too easy to place blame.”

“But even so, we still do not know who has taken the Arkenstone,” Kili said.

“Then we must focus on one thing at a time,” Thorin replied. “While finding the Arkenstone is of great importance to the throne, our first course of action should be finding Vedis.”

“What about the lords?” Oreliell asked. “They will disagree with such a decision.”

“Their opinions do not matter when it comes to family and kin.” She smiled at him and squeezed his hand. “Dwalin, please gather some of your best men to begin the search. The search for the Arkenstone will continue, but I want Vedis found.”

The group nodded in agreement. As they began to slowly filter out of the room, Oreliell turned to look at Thorin.

“Are you sure about this?” she asked quietly.

“She is your sister,” he said to her, “and she is my friend. I want her found as much as you. And we will find her.” He kissed her forehead. “I promise.”

[ceeroosa]

i hate to be this guy

but i will, cuz i'm seeing it a lot a lot a lot lately:

i am begging people who have poor self-esteem and are extremely sensitive to external judgements (like, say, losing your absolute shit cuz someone made a mildly shitty comment in their public bookmark of your fic)

to work on that.

no, i'm not saying it was cool for them to say something mean about you in a public space where you could see it. i'm saying it's an extremely normal thing that you can't control, and you will be happier if you figure out how to focus on handling those things over trying to control other people

sure, make the PSA's reminding people that ficwriters have feelings too and demand that people stop making negative comments in public bookmarks because you're not wrong - it is a mean thing to do.

but it is also normal.

people talk about you. sometimes it's where you can see or hear it, and often it is "behind your back."

you cannot shame, demand, plead or tantrum your way out of the fact that people talk.

people talk about everything, and often in unfavourable terms. i have known people in my life who have torn themselves apart emotionally, have created such an obscene amount of stress in their lives, over the things people have or may be saying about them to other people.

"it's WRONG" they said

"let them be wrong" I said

because at some point you have to accept the way people can be. people can be cruel as much as they can be kind. they can be smart and thoughtful and insensitive and daft.

you, my little lovely darling, cannot control that and every attempt you make to try (and yes, I'm sorry, but the aforementioned PSA's absolutely count as an attempt to control)

the more stress and pain - disappointment, shame, righteousness, violation because i set a boundary why did they do the thing i asked them not to do why doesn't anyone ever respect me - you bring on yourself.

i don't want you to hurt yourself, i don't want you to suffer more than you have to. (unless you wanted to, i guess.) i don't want the things you enjoy and feel passion for to be tainted and ruined by other people.

i wasn't born thinking this way. i also went through stages (still do! often! recently!) of being frustrated that people can just go about life doing things wrong and being cruel and being stupid and i've experienced the way just thinking in that way increases my internal distress, it increases feelings of hopelessness and powerlessness, of feeling like things happen to me instead of being an active participant in life.

the following skills have helped me greatly in managing these feelings:

radical acceptance: practicing accepting the unacceptable, letting it happen without fighting or bargaining or resisting, relinquishing all illusions of control over this, that, or the other thing while recognizing that the only thing we do have control over in this life is how we respond - and carefully choosing how to respond after allowing the reaction to pass.

distress tolerance: radical acceptance can be under the umbrella of distress tolerance, but this is basically anything that helps ease the sensations of a distressing experience; things that are comforting and soothing, distraction, and, yes, even avoidance can be a useful tactic in the right situation.

self-assurance: this one's pretty tough. you don't have to love yourself necessarily, but you do have to respect yourself because there will be moments in your life where it feels like nobody respects you and if you can't even retreat into the sureness of your Self...well, it's gonna be hard. humans are social creatures and reliance on others is not weakness, it is nature. however, we've constructed a society that does not serve us and hyper-individualism leaves people alone. regardless of whether or not it is fair or OK, we have to accept that possibility - and figure out how to be our own champions so when those moments happen, we can survive it by saying:

"I know who I am. I know that I am (a good writer, a kind person, capable, sexy, whatever). I do not need anyone to validate my identity as (a good writer, sexy, kind, etc) because I know that my actions align with my values as (a good writer, a kind person, a capable person). Even if someone else's idea of what is (a good writer, a kind person, sexy) does not align with mine, and they invalidate my identity based on their values, I still know who I am because of my values and actions."

or something of that nature.

AND I AM NOT SAYING THAT YOU DO NOT NEED EXTERNAL VALIDATION OR THAT YOU SHOULDN'T SEEK IT OUT! OR THAT YOU CAN ONLY RELY ON OR TRUST YOURSELF or anything else annoying and lone-wolf-y like that.

you deserve engagement - comments, likes, reblogs, general squee-ing over your work, being told that you are lovely and sexy and powerful - we all do!

give and receive as much validation as you can. pay it forward. but in those inevitable moments of lowness, of radio silence, of questioning if you really are who you think you are:

it pays to have your own back, to be able to focus on the steadiness of your feet and who you are rather than what other people have done, are doing, or refuse to do.

[queen-in-the-shadows]

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Hellevator Captivation

Masterlist (ot8!alien!SKZ x reader) (Eventual polyamory, Yandere, 18+!) Summary: Chan and his 7 crew members crash landed on Zyloren-9, otherwise known as Earth, and are trying to wire their ship to allow them to connect to a rescue group. Until they take an obsessive interest in a peer who is a little too pretty and a little too innocent. They can bring specimen back for scientific studies, right? In other words: Chan and the others take a liking to you and decide they want to take you back with them, they just need to connect a rescue ship—and convince you to walk onto the ship without any questions.

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[ladylovesloki]

Imposter Prince: Ch 4

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Warnings: Language

Summary: Reader possibly learns the motive behind all of this.

I went to sleep and woke up to the most wonderful comments. Thank you all so much, I'm so happy you're all enjoying this story so far. This idea has been living rent free inside of my head for a few years now. Chapter 4 is all ready to go for you, if I forget to tag anyone please forgive me and remind me. I'm still getting the hang of posting on here 🤪

If you would like me to add you to the tag list for future chapters let me know!

Thank you all again! I hope you enjoy the next chapter. And I lied in the Masterlist post, there's probably going to be 8 chapters 😬

You and Sif make your way to the observatory to see Heimdall. Knowing his top priority is to watch over the realms you didn’t want to take up too much of his time. 

“Lady Sif, Lady Y/N. A pleasure to see you both, how can I be of service?”

You can’t help it, you blush but then quickly get your wits about you. Loki might not have much time left. 

You smile, “Heimdall, it’s wonderful to see you again.” 

“Have you come to take up my offer on watching the stars?” He asks but somehow you know he already knows you’re there for a different reason. 

“We have a question for you guardian”, Sif interjects getting straight to the point. 

“Ask and I may have an answer.” He’s not looking at Sif, his golden eyes are staring directly at you. Almost like he was begging for you to ask not just a question but the right question. 

“Heimdall, when was the last time you used your gift to see Prince Loki?” You ask. 

“I haven’t had to look upon the younger prince with my gift in quite some time. I see him in the observatory quite often for incoming and departing dignitaries from visiting realms. Unless specifically asked by the Allfather I have not looked for Prince Loki in such a way.”

“Can you look for him now?” You ask him. 

“As you wish” he replies with a sly smile. He looks toward the cosmos and you patiently wait to hear what he sees. 

“Interesting, I cannot see him.” You give Sif a concerned glance. 

“Can you see the council? They are meeting with the delegation from Alfheim.” Sif asks, you hope he can at least see if Odin and the council are alright. 

“I cannot do so without the permission of the Allfather, I am sorry.”

Heimdall sees the disappointment on your face.

“Don’t worry my lady, this is not the first time Prince Loki has hidden his whereabouts from me. I’m sure it will not be the last.”

That didn’t make you feel any better and with not much more information to gain from this visit you thanked Heimdall for his time and left the observatory with Sif. 

“Hey, we’re going to figure this out y/n.” Sif’s trying to comfort you but all you’re feeling right now is confusion and worry for Loki. 

Going through this is making you realize your true feelings for him, the fear of losing him to whatever this imposter has planned makes you physically ill. You need to figure this out and fast. 

“I think I’m going to go lay down for a bit Sif, maybe clear my head some.”

“Ok, I’ll be in the training grounds if you need me” she responded sadly, knowing this situation was taking its toll on you. 

You both go your separate ways and you go straight to your chambers, only to find your door open. 

You slowly open the door a little more and see the imposter inside looking through your rooms.

You decide to go at him like you normally would if you found Loki creeping around your room while you weren’t there. But before you go to make your move, you realize something. He hasn’t noticed you watching him yet, you’ve never been able to actually sneak up on Loki before, he always said he could hear your feet dragging across the floors of the palace from miles away. You’ll have to remember that for later, but for now you burst through the door.

“You know normal people wait until the person who occupies a room is present before they decide to make themselves at home.” Hoping your snark isn’t too much to piss him off but at the same time….hoping it is enough to piss him off. You just need this clown to slip up once. 

“Well I am a God darling, I wouldn’t call that normal at least not by your Midgardian standards anyway. Where were you?” Here comes the suspicion again. 

“Hanging out with Sif, flirting with Heimdall, you know the usual” you say trying to maintain some level of coolness even though the anxiety you’re feeling is making your temperature rise. 

“Flirting with the guardian hmm? And did he reciprocate my dear?” He’s testing you again, he wants you to distract you.

He gets closer to you, towering over you looking down his crooked nose into your eyes. He smells like a very potent lily. Such a powerful smell, so strong and fragrant. Nothing like your Loki. Loki smells like fresh linen and the books he was constantly around. You try and calm your beating heart, try to keep the tears from forming and swallow the lump in your throat. God you miss him. 

You steel yourself and reply, “meh you know me, all fun and games My Prince. So what did bring you to my neck of the woods?” You move over to the desk he was just looking through to create a little space between you. 

“I was wondering if you would like to join me for a private dinner this evening, give us time to catch up properly without any…interruptions”.

Danger, Will Robinson. 

You had to make a decision and fast. If you take too long to answer, his suspicion about you is going to rise. Did you really want to be alone with him through an entire dinner? Would you even survive it?, that’s the real question. On the other hand you might get more clues about what happened to Loki. 

Fuck it. 

“Sounds great! Where and when?” You smile and he almost looks like he was anticipating you saying no.

“How about here in your chambers? We could have Liv assist us for the evening. 

“Sounds great, I’ll get freshened up and see you back here at dinner time.” 

“Very well, until then”, he takes your hand again, kisses it and walks out. 

Not a moment later Liv comes in to your room.

“Hello y/n, I just saw Prince Loki leave, he told me you will be dining with him in your chambers this evening.”

“Yes Liv, thank you for all of your help, I couldn’t do any of this without you.”

“Nonsense y/n, now let’s get you ready for your evening.”

Once again you are bathed, primed and prodded awaiting the imposter prince. Unfortunately you didn’t have to wait too long. 

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

“Good evening Prince Loki”, Liv greets “Loki” with a smile and courtesy. 

“Good evening Liv, is my lady ready for me?” You cringe at the claim he makes, you’re certainly not his lady.

“She is”, I step out in to view. He looks dumbstruck for a moment but then quickly gets his bearings. 

“Y/N, you are more beautiful than Freya in her prime.”

Ugh. This guy is really laying it on thick. 

“Thank you My Prince.”

He’s wearing Loki’s dress robes, another pang of sadness hits you. You would make fun of him for those robes all the time. It was so complicated for something that was supposed to be for comfort. You’d call it his hobo outfit just to annoy him, he would in fact get annoyed roll his eyes and smile at you knowing that outfit was unnecessarily fancy.

Liv guides us towards the dining table which was already set up with different meats, cheeses, bread and drinks. 

“I will be in the sitting room should you need anything.” Liv curtseyed and made her way out to door. 

The imposter prince pulled out a chair for you to sit, waited for you to take your seat and moved over to his chair and sat himself. 

“So, tell me. How has life been since I’ve been away.” You wanted to steer most of this conversation. Maybe if you’re lucky he’ll slip up and give something away. 

“Well, I’ve been attending council meetings with father, Thor doesn’t seem to be interested in anything else besides protecting your realm.”

“Nothing you’ve learned recently that you’re dying to teach me, or a ridiculous prank you’ve played that you wish I was here to witness?”

“I don’t have time for pranks any longer. I have more important things that require my attention.” He’s getting irritated. Time to bring it down some so you tell him a few fun stories from around the tower. Nothing really of importance.

Some time as passes and you have both have moved on to dessert, Liv had popped in from time to time to check on us. 

“So, tell me about all of your new responsibilities, it sounds like Odin is putting a lot of trust in you. That’s amazing.” You try and give him a kind smile. In truth you always hoped Loki and Odin would get passed their differences so Odin could see how much potential his younger son truly has. It’s unfortunate he is putting his trust in a stranger, what’s worse is that he doesn’t even know it.

“I never knew you to care for conversations about government and foreign affairs.”

“Well it seems to be important to you so it’s important to me.” You smile, hoping you haven’t overplayed your hand. 

He takes a moment and responds, “we’re currently meeting with diplomats from Alfheim, negotiations have been….taxing.”

“Oh?” Here we go.

“Yes, father has some archaic opinions about how Alfheim should be running their trades, specifically who they are trading with.”

“What are they not weighing their trucks at a weigh station or something?” You make a joke, more out of curiosity. You want to see how he responds to the mischievous side of you. Loki always said that was his favorite side. 

“What?” His confusion was hysterical, but then you remember you’re sitting down with someone with a potential to seriously harm you. 

“It’s a joke, trucks that travel with goods on Earth have to weigh in their trucks at certain points until they reach their destination to be sure it is safe to travel with the weight they are carrying. Some truck drivers choose to pass by those stops without weighing in and get fined for not doing so.” 

“No. Nothing like that, Alfheim is only trying to accept trade from certain merchants that Asgard as of right now restricts trade with.”

“Why does Asgard restrict trading with them?”

“Some of the goods those merchants carry are weapons, Odin fears Alfheim will use these restricted merchants to obtain illegal weapons that Asgard does not have the technology to defend against.”

“It sounds like Odin is being smart by restricting these merchants then.”

“So you believe another realm should dictate how another defends itself?”

Bingo. This fool is triggered. 

“I believe that as the Allfather it is Odin’s responsibility to protect the citizens of Asgard.” You explain, seeing if you can get more information out of him. The dots are beginning to connect. 

“No! His job is to protect ALL of the realms NOT just Asgard.” He stands and walks toward the window. He takes a deep breath, “forgive me y/n, let us speak of other things.”

You concede, “of course, I’m actually pretty tired, the wine is going straight to my head I think.”

“I will take my leave and allow you some rest then. Will I see you tomorrow?”

“Absolutely.” 

“Good, until tomorrow.” He leans in and kisses you on the cheek. 

He doesn’t see it but as he walks away a tear slides down your face. You missed Loki, you’re tired of all of this. But you know more about this imposter’s motive, he clearly wants to get these dangerous goods for Alfheim and he’s using Loki to do it. 

You’re running out of time. 

To be continued….

@michelleleewise @princess-asgard @lokisgoodgirl @lucylaufeyson3

[beebabycastiel]

✨personal update from yours truly✨

Hi y’all. I just wanted to hop on here and explain myself for basically invisible manning for over a year.

The short version is my partner and I ended things in a very horrible way. Cheating, abuse, the works. Shortly after that I was laid off of my marketing job. Shortly after THAT my father (whom I am super close with) had open heart surgery with complications. And my 20 year old cat passed away. So, in laymen’s terms? Shit has been utterly Fucked™️ since 12/22.

Things are slowly untangling themselves from their fucky little threads. I live closer to the city (that’s Chicago for me), gone low contact with my mother, got a wonderful boyfriend who doesn’t ever make me feel like my mental illness is a burden to him and a best friend in my life who doesn’t make me feel small and stupid. I’ve recovered from another ✨attempt✨ and I’m steadily working towards a management position in my field.

I say all this because I’ve been getting a lot of comments on my fics. Saying these really wonderful things which make me cry and I gleefully read to my boy who literally cannot watch shameless because it reminds him of his upbringing but loving listens to me ramble on about it.

I say all this because I feel like I’ve abandoned a community that was like a light to me. It inspired me. It comforted me. And it gave me some really wonderful connections. And I’m sorry that I haven’t played tag games in a while, or responded to dms, or been active, or written a single word that wasn’t marketing copy in over a year.

I say this because you all have meant so much to me. And in some way my words have meant something to you. And that’s not only super powerful but really why I wanted to write in the first place when I was a lonely little kid being SA’ed by a relative.

I don’t think I can write right now. And to be honest, I don’t know if I ever will. But this community has touched me and made me feel less alone. And I couldn’t go any longer without thanking each and everyone one of you that call this community a home too.

I’m getting better. I’m healing. I’m not floating on my back in the proverbial pool before I break up with my true love on the stoop of my house. If anything, I’m kneeling on a sticky floor of some club, crutches tossed aside and knuckles bloody telling you all that I love you. More than anything. And I’ll be back eventually. Just not now.

I love y’all so much. Really. And thank you for everything.

- Bee ❤️

[imaginingfrancium]

sharing some of my xyx headcanons

so that my mind will be at Peace, i'd like to share some of my own xyx headcanon crumbsszxs, related to him being Filipino and other random stuff (from a Filipino [me] who can't stop having xyx brainrots. v detailed, sort of political, and self-indulgent themes ahead):

his parents are full-blooded filipinos, who decided to migrate to australia (to have a better life~~) (taking it from my experience of having relatives telling u to get a job/move abroad bc living in the ph suckz)

his dad passed away when he was in his early teen years. his mom married a local aussie man years later.

yes, he loved his dad so much. his dad was That Present, Supportive Father yeh

he grew up seeing his parents being so loving, caring, etc to each other. like that was his basis of love; he wanted to experience what his parents had. he hoped for it so much that i guess after how many heartbreaks (uhuh lovesick teenager xyx), he got tired and gave it up lol (until fLASH FORWARD to meeting us, and there: the love that was really something. not just the idea of something *bow)

his sister (yes, he has one) is a nurse and he is a lawyer. not bc they were coerced by their parents, but they just really decide it for themselves (imagine the number of times they had to say "no, really. i just want to be one") (v random hc, yes)

he used to visit the ph when he was young. those trips stopped since most of his family members already moved to australia too, and other places abroad.

even though he speaks english with a strong australian accent, it's like it's turned off when he speaks tagalog.

(i reckon that he can speak better tagalog than me 🕴 Jose Rizal be laughing in his grave rn)

he grew out of his catholic roots when he lived by himself, but still tries complete all 9 Simbang Gabi/Misa de Gallo masses. to have some connection with his devote catholic mom, and to honor the times he spent attending these masses with his late dad. (i like Simbang Gabis because of the native delicacies being sold outside the church every after mass)

after the first time you attended Simbang Gabi with xyx, he made a mental note to add Ben&Ben's Bibingka to his playlist about u (v self-indulgent but iykyk) (well if he has one) (i think he does tho)

he is Anti-Marcos and you cannot convince me otherwise. (he could've been that guy who called out marcos jr. personally when he was in aus for a family vacation) (can't find the video of it SKSKSKS)

he was supposed to study in the ph for college because attending university in australia is Expensive ™. luckily, he was able to enter one with a scholarship.

if he didn't though, he probs studied in UP or Ateneo (xyx wearing the UP sablay... as an iska, *tucks hair behind ear*)

(to my fellow filo/filo-speaking bp players) he didn't tell you he was filipino and can speak tagalog when you first got together. he decided to keep it to himself for a while bc he wanted to see your reaction 😎 the moment you knew was when he responded to an endearment you said in tagalog.

"so all along, you understood what i was saying?" "yes." "🕴️" "also your tagalog sucks." "oh f*ck off (affectionately)"

there is a news article about him written by a local ph news source. headline was "Australia-Raised Filipino Lawyer helped win big case vs. big company" something something. (you can smell the Pinoy Pride 🇵🇭 XD comments from here)

xyx listens to OPM !!! it's his 3rd most played genre on Spotify.

he grew up listening to it because of his dad (it is a way for dad to cope with his homesickness) (one more and i'll make a separate hc post about his dad)

with that info, lemme tell u that you both once danced to Ang Huling El Bimbo and/or Panalangin

v sorry for the many random, unorganized thoughts lol and the grammar errors. anyw lemme know what you also think ‽‽

(OPM songs i listened to while writing this: Isang Anghel by zild *highly recommend!!; dekada '70 by zild; Torete by moonstarr88)

(also gonna promote my bloomic but pinoy shitposting hehe)