#sorry this has been trapped in my think pan for weeks now and i. i had to. im sorry

[practicingbushiho]

He lifts the boy's chin to look him in the face, and the prince is shy as his eyes look away.

"You're a little love junkie, aren't you?" the large man asks. The young master bites his lip, shivering with shame. "Is love a drug to you?"

"I…I apologize." the weak muttering falls from the boy's lips, but as if to undo the words the elder leans in to kiss the guilt away, taking the boy's shame with him as he does.

"It is alright," he mumbles. He hears the young master's voice hitch in his throat when he elects to rest a palm on his hip, pulling him into his lap on the bed. "Sometimes a drug…is a medicine that you use to heal."

[clawsdevour]

dinner or a bath first?

wc: 2.4k content warning: smut, kitchen sex, established relationship, creampie, fingering, swallowing cum, my booty writing, multi-fandom x reader, one shot, not proofread

ల۫  ۪𓆪

You looked at the clock. It’s currently 9:26 PM. Your husband ran a bit late due to being held overtime for a big company project this past month. He’s been working so behind lately you can’t help but sigh whenever you slide into your warm linen sheets, knowing you won’t see him until you watch him leave for work. You get up from bed, slip into your fuzzy slippers, and head into the kitchen to cook some late-night dinner. Turning on the lamp that lights almost the whole room, you decide to unwind your pent-up sexual desires with a glass of your favorite wine. You have this lurking feeling that he’s gonna come home earlier than usual and decide to make a larger portion of dinner that night.

As usual, heat up the pan with some oil and sizzle away the raw seasoned steak. While it hissed, you cut up some veggies to cook alongside the main dish of the night. That was until you paused. The crackling of the pan and steak continued as the steam rising up polluted the air. You heard the front door squeak open and the big heavy dress shoes clacking against the marble entrance. Your husband had returned home from work at a much earlier time than usual. His face lit up at the sight of you cooking at such a late time for supper, usually you were in bed exhausted.

“Darling, I’m home” he says softly with a smile, slowly approaching you with his blazer in hand. His hair slightly messed up from working, his lingering cologne that was faded almost completely off, roughed up tie and collar, and expensive shoes clunking as he steps further.

“I miss you.. how was work today baby?” You question sheepishly, as your eyes linger at his current state. A tall lean, muscular man in a nice suit and tie just coming home from work. The sight was something to behold since you haven’t seen him come home in so long. You couldn’t help but think to yourself, He’s so attractive even in this state. Usually you’re laying in bed waiting for him to come home but end up falling asleep before he’s laying next to you. His eye bags were quite dark from the lack of sleep and you worried if he’s eaten yet.

“It was good, we’re starting to come to a close and end this long project. How long has it been since I started this project again.. was it, two? No, almost three weeks. I’m sorry sweetheart, it’s been a long month,” he furrows his brows and takes off his glasses to massage the bridge of his nose in frustration to put them back on again. He laid his blazer on the edge of the kitchen counter and sat on the island stool, watching you flip over the steak to its oiled aromatic side.

“Don’t be sorry, it’s not your fault this project has been long and rough. Hopefully you end off this company project with a bang.. Have you eaten, or would you prefer a bath first?” Looking up at him his eyes were widened a bit. Assuming that he wanted that delicious steak for dinner first, you continue to return to chopping up the rest of the vegetables. That was until you felt his large beefy arms wrap around your waist and the warmth of his face in the crook of your neck.

“Darling, I don’t want any of those right now” was what was whispered in your ear. His sleepy voice altered your senses when you felt something press against you.

It wasn’t just his muscular body, but his bulging cock against his slacks which were pressing against your ass. You were trapped around his big strong arms. You couldn’t help but gasp when he started to lay a kiss down your neck.

“I miss you so much darling, it’s been so long since I saw you at home cooking dinner like a regular person,” you can’t help but drop the knife you used to slice your vegetables with. Turning around, you put your arms around his shoulders and kissed him on the lips. Looking him in the eye, his eyelids seemed heavy nevertheless he was filled with desire and lust that screamed out that he wanted you right here and right now. 

He kissed you back and put his arms behind you, onto the counter. He also switches the stove off with his left hand or else your supper would be ruined. Behind you, he moves the cutting board to the side so he’s able to push you up onto the counter to match his height. With his strong hands, he helps you up the counter and you pull him in to continue making out.

“Do you know how long I’ve waited for you?” Pulling away to breathe you said in between pants. Smiling at him because of how long it’s gotten since you were still crushing on him back then. You can’t help but let out a small giggle as you start spread your legs open for him to come closer. The heat exuding from your legs, being rubbed by his built up boner you can’t help but moan as you closed him in. The fabric between your thin silk dress, panties and his pants, you were able to feel every touch and grind.

“I’ll make up for that missing time with you right now darling,” he tells you with a slight smirk on his face and irregular breathing pace. You watch as he roughs up his hair even more by putting his hand through it. He loosens his crooked tie by toying with it from left and right. As well as unlooping up a few buttons that felt tight onhis chest. You can’t help but gulp as you watch patiently for the moment you’ve been waiting for, but first you decided that he needed a treat. You hop off the kitchen counter and kneel down. He wasn’t expecting this when you unzipped his pants making eye contact with him with a cunning smile.

“You deserve this after a long rough day,” taking his large caged cock out of his boxers. His big dick recoils out of place and just slightly hits his abdomen, he’d been craving you for who knows how long that there’s already precum on his tip. He watches you as you start to suck on his tip, keeping eye contact with him. Watching his reactions made you so horny and wet. His whimpers were music to your ears, the sounds your mouth made when you went deeper onto his cock were beyond lewd. He started to push your head down slowly until you felt his cock kissed the back of your throat making you tear up a bit. Still, you kept on sucking and bobbing your head on his deliciously girthy cock.

When his cock started to twitch, your pace grew faster knowing he’s gonna cum. His moans roared louder and his grip in your lucious locks grew tighter. You can’t help yourself but feel absolutely soaked down there hearing your husband’s seductive moans and whimpers echo throughout the house like on replay.

“A-Ah, I..I’m c-cumming!” He tries to push your head off so you wouldn’t have to swallow his cum. To his surprise though, you had your fingers clutched tightly onto his hips to stabilize yourself. You wanted his every drop in you, until he sucked bone dry. When he came into your mouth you couldn’t help but swallow it all. When you released your grip and slid your mouth off his cock, he looked nothing but horrified.

“Sweetheart.. Did you just… swallowed all of my cum??” He questions you shockingly, knowing you usually don’t like the taste of cum or swallowing it as a matter of fact. You wiped your mouth and opened to show him that every drop of his seed that was released was vacuumed down your throat. Before rising from the floor, you slide down your panties and kick them off to the side. Talk about dinner, you were his dinner for tonight.

“Slide it in babe, it’s wet and ready for you..” you were more than ready to take his big cock as you stand, leaning against the counter. You spread your dripping cunt for all of him to see. You knew that it’s gonna sting a bit to adjust to his size, but you didn’t care. Again, he carried you up upon the cold kitchen counter and parted your legs open like the Red Sea. Peppering you with kisses, he slips a finger in and starts off at a slow bearable pace. When his lips reach towards your collarbone, he looks at your expressions and adds another finger in with a slight snicker due to how adorable you look right now. Finding your sweet spot, he starts teasing and going at it. Curling his fingers in and out, making you hold onto his broad shoulder, letting out your sweet moans he missed hearing.

“Loosen up for me if you think you can handle my cock. It’s gotten much harder thinking about you for days on end. You know.. jerking off to the thought of you alone doesn’t help very much..” he mutters along your skin leaving his warm embrace through his breath. You help him take off your short silk dress, leaving you completely naked and bare on the chilling countertop. His eyes gazed at your perky nipples and your subtle smooth skin. He leaves his marks on places that clothing can hide knowing you have work the next day. Seeing you squirm so much, he decides to bind your hands together using his tie he loosened earlier. It was tight, but not to the point where it’s gonna hurt or leave a mark on you. You can’t help but become a moaning mess under his warm touch. Your whines came to a halt when you pushed away his arm, stopping him from fingering you when signaled him to stop.

“What’s wrong sweetheart?” He looked at you with a slight worried expression carried with his tired eyes which shook in concerned. He backed away, giving you some room waiting for you to explain your disturbance.

“I can’t wait anymore, please just put it in…” You put your tied hands over his head and drewhim in closer to your body, leaving his arms to lie at the sides of your hips. At this point you’re begging for his cock, you don’t care if it’ll hurt. You just need him in you.

“Ha.. don’t complain when I start moving” he let out a sly smirk. He rips the glasses off his face and throws them on the counter. Lining himself up at your entrance his cock was more than just immersed in your juices. And there was that one massive thrust of his that made your toes curl up from the impact. His whole cock was fully inside you with one full push making you feel so full. He started moving at a slow bearable pace that built up.

“A-Aah! Baby your cock feels so good!!” You can’t help but shout about how his cock makes you feel every time he’s in you. His quickening pace makes you throw your head back every time, mixing in the stinging pain and pleasure from adjusting. His grunts mixing in with your moans, the sounds bouncing off the walls alone had you screaming in pleasure. Oh how you longed for this man’s length to be within you.

His pace starting to roughen sent you through a loop when he flipped you around with your back facing him, your right leg being propped up on the counter. At this point he was gonna drill a hole into your stomach. Hitting that one spot you enjoyed so much with all his power, he used your strapped hands behind your back as support.

“Fuuck.. sweetheart I can go all night. I-I want to cover you in my cum. I want to make.. you the mother of my future children,” he managed to mumble into your ear amongst the sound of skin to skin slapping and wet squelching noises your pussy made whenever he went in and out of you. His cock twitches inside you, ready to burst and coat the insides of your cunt his shade of white.

“D-Do it then. Cum in me.. I’m yours.. this is your pussy a-ah..!” you murmured in between moans, brain almost to the point where you can’t think straight while looking back at him. Those were the words he needed to hear before unleashing his white fluid in you, gushing when he pulled out. You let out a whimper when he pulled out, feeling empty without him to fill in that void in you. Turning to look at him with a somewhat disappointed face.

“Don’t worry, I’m not done with you yet. Overall, you said your pussy belongs to me.. right?” he breathed out, his mouth curving into a slight smile as he watched his cum start to seep out. He takes off his dress shirt, exposing his chiseled figure puffing in and out profusely. He undoes his necktie from your wrists and you reach your arms for him as he carries you onto his cock. The strength he still has to keep going, especially in this position, caught you a bit surprised. Let’s just say he wasn’t tired as he seemed to appear. That was, until he started heaving you up and down in his cock which was rimmed with your fluid and his cum mixed together making loud wet sounds. Your nails pressed into his shoulder blades creating crescent shapes into his skin. This position had you gagged. It was hitting every deep sensitive area you had in you. You didn’t know if you can take him in this position any longer,as you were close to finishing on his cock.

Whenever he came, it was either in you, or on you. Seeing you practically sprawled across the kitchen counter, covered and filled by his dripping thick cum was a sight for him. You don’t know how many times he’s made you cum. Nevertheless yo ustopped counting how many rounds you went with him. He wanted to keep going, but you were at your limit as well as for his physical body. He also knew you both couldn’t keep on going, as it was also getting even later the more you fucked.

“H-Ha.. I think dinner’s cold, sweetheart” were the words he said before releasing his last load on your face.

*.༄ GOJO SATORU, GETO SUGURU, NANAMI KENTO, ZHONGLI, CHILDE, DILUC, KUROO TETSUROU, BOKUTO KOUTARO, AKAASHI KEIJI, MIYA TWINS, OIKAWA TOORU, HAWKS, EREN YEAGER, LEVI ACKERMAN, ARTEM (ALL AGED UP/POST-TIME SKIP), and of course any of your favorite characters!!!

masterlist here

[ronance4everbrainrot]

MMMMore incorrect quotes from Merlin Academy! (with ships) Long post

Maleficent: Listen, we’re done, we’re over! Okay?

Hades: Whatever bitch, you ain’t never gonna find no one like me.

Maleficent: Yeah, that's the point shithead!

(gasp the IT-couple has broken up. I have a feeling it could be like Jade and Beck but they are both Jade)

---

Fay: Fight me!

Hades: Ha, look at your size! What are you gonna do, kick my ankle?

*Later*

Morgie: Why is Hades crying?

Maleficent: Fay kicked them really hard on the ankle.

(Maleficent was impressed)

---

Fay: Why are we friends?

Maleficent: Poor decisions on your part.

(like either of you don't like each other. Ha ha)

---

Fay: So, I heard you like bad girls… I time travel in Animal Crossing.

(I don't even know what that means but okay)

---

Fay: Maleficent.. I'm gonna cry!

Maleficent: Please don't.

Fay, crying: Request denied.

---

Maleficent: I never understood why people cared so much about their dumb friends until I got a dumb friend myself.

Maleficent: *Picks up Fay*

Maleficent: I’ve only befriended Fay for a day and a half, but if anything happened to them I would kill everyone in this room and then my self.

(Only she is allowed to bully Fay)

---

Uliana: I'm bored.

Maleficent: Wanna commit first degree murder?

Uliana: Sure!

Ella, hearing them: No- Stop, don't do that! Put that knife down! Put Bridget down!!

(She is the mom of the group for some reason)

---

Ella: Don’t say a word.

Bridget: Fergalicious.

Ella: Bridget, I said no words.

Bridget: Oh, I see how it works. Two weeks ago, we’re playing Scrabble, it’s not a word, now suddenly it is a word because it’s convenient for you.

(Canon)

---

Bridget: Can you cut me some slack, Ella? I’m sort of in love.

Ella: I’m sorry, but that’s really not my problem.

Bridget: I’m in love with you.

Ella: *blushes* Oh. That brings me in the loop a little.

(duh)

---

Charming: The moon looks beautiful, doesn’t it?

Bridget, looking at Charming: Yeah… but do you know what’s more beautiful?

Bridget and Charming in unison: *sighs* Ella

(🎶I'm sorry that you 🤭 seem to be confused 🤔 she belongs to me 🧐 that girl is mine 😑 🎶 honestly that song has been playing in my head for a while for no reason) (it's now making me realize how Bridgella is kinda giving "it's over isn't it" idk why)

---

Ella: A mouse!

Maleficent, pulling out a knife: Go back to where you came from or I'll stab you.

Hades, pulling out a frying pan: It'll make a nice meal!

Bridget, giving the mouse cheese: You deserve a treat, little guy.

Morgie gasping: It's Ratatouille!

Hook: His name is Remi, dummy.

Ella: ...I was going to say to just trap it and throw it out the window... what is wrong with you people.

(I just had to. Also she is excluding Bridget from that statement)

---

Hook, to Morgie: I'll be under the mistletoe when you start feeling desperate!

(yeah)

---

Uliana: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, its “intelligent” and “really cool”.

Uliana: But when I do it, I’m “petty” and “need to let it go”.

(I mean that thing with the flamingo feathers was your fault 🤷)

---

Bridget: Hey, Ella, have you thought about having children?

Ella: ...

Ella: Does looking over you and the others not seem like I already do? Because I promise you, it sure feels like it.

Hook: But we're not childr-

Ella, already distracted: HADES, PUT THE FIRE DOWN!

(again. She is the mom of the group for some reason. Give her a rest)

---

Morgie: Hello friends!

The Squad:

Morgie: You might be wondering why I’m taped to the ceiling

(you'd think it was Hades and Hook. But they are just as amused and surprised. Idk how Morgie made that happen)

---

Uliana: I should've left you on that street corner where you were standing.

Morgie: But ya' didn't!

(canon? It is now)

---

Hook: You know my motto: carpe diem, carpe noctem, carpe coles.

Ella: Seize the day, seize the night, what’s the last one?

Hook: Seize the dick.

(Slay King Slay)

---

Bridget: *Gets down on one knee*

Uliana: Oh my god! It’s finally happening!

Bridget: *Collapses*

Uliana: The poison’s kicking in!

(Yeah. Honestly. It's got something. But idk)

---

Fay: Where have you been all day?

Bridget: Oh, just dealing with things way beyond my maturity level.

(like having broken up without actually dating because it was just a one sided homoerotic friendship)

---

Ella: When you said 'Magic in Bed', I wasn't expecting this...

Bridget: *pulls out card from deck* Now, was this your card?

Ella: Holy moly-

(See what I mean. Also canon)

---

Hook, Hades and Morgie in the back of Ella's car: MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS!

Bridget/Fay: We have food at home.

Ella/Uliana/Maleficent: *pulls into the McDonald's drivethrough*

Hades/Hook/Morgie: YAYYYYYY!

Ella/Uliana/Maleficent: *orders one black coffee and leaves*

(Ha Ha. Sad)

---

Hades: Legend says that when you can’t sleep, it means you’re awake in someone else’s dreams.

Hades: When I find out who you are, I’m going to punch you in the face.

(um. It's not me....I swear)

---

Uliana: I love sarcasm! It’s like punching people in the face, but with words!

(not like you can easily punch others with your eight arms)

---

Uliana: Stop failing.

Hades: Don’t tell me what to do! I'll fail right now!

Hades: *Succeeds*

Hades: Dang it!

(he finally realized he's a god. But still failed not to listen)

---

Bridget: Morgie told me that brown is just navy orange, and I have never been more disappointed with something I agree with.

(omg I'm a navy ginger)

---

Ella: *sneaking in through their window*

Bridget: *turning in their chair and flicking the light one* You want to tell me where you've been all night?

Ella: I was with Charming?

Charming: *turning in their chair* Wanna try again?

(Gasp. What was Ella doing 👀)

---

Ella: I can’t believe we have to be stuck in this room together!

Uliana, swallowing the key: Truly (poor) unfortunate (soul).

(oh. She was stuck with Uliana...ALSO WHAT- ULIANA?! THE KEY? 😭 Nah)

---

Uliana: I thought you were going to give me a book recommendation or something.

Ella: *laughs* Book recommendation? I can’t read!

(new HC: Ella can't read. Or more like, has a hard time with it. Idk lol.)

---

Ella: I’ve come to a point in my life where I need a stronger word than fuck.

(absolutely)

---

Morgie: Don’t mansplain this to me!

Uliana: Wh- I’m a woman! I can't mansplain anything to you!

Morgie: …Well, I’m a feminist, and I believe a woman can do anything a man does!

(he's got the spirit)

---

Hook: I made lightly fried fish fillets for dinner.

Morgie: Dude, It’s 1:15 am, what the fuck.

Hook: Do you want the lightly fried fish fillets or not.

Morgie: Well, I mean yeah.

Hook: So come downstairs while they’re still hot.

Morgie: Wait, you just made them?

Hook: Yeah, I wasn’t tired so I decided to make lightly fried fish fillets.

Morgie: Say lightly fried fish fillets one more time James.

(Morgie uses Dude romantically. And when he's annoyed at Hook he calls him by his first name)

---

Bridget: My level of gay has reached “sighing deeply whenever anything extremely heterosexual happens near me”.

(that's me with movies/series. She's definitely not talking about Ella and Charming)

---

*The Squad when asked about their earlier confession of love*

Ella: Yeah, you're lucky. I like you.

Bridget: I'd understand if you didn't feel the same way...

Fay: *has a panic attack* What confession?

Hook: *winks* I know, babe. You like me too.

Hades: So what? Are you going to date me or not?

Uliana: It was a dare.

Maleficent: Your smile is like a magic spell, and it's annoying me daily

Charming: Let's flip a coin. Heads I'm yours. Tail you're mine.

Morgie: Relationships are like a walk in the park. Jurassic park.

(I added the last three myself because I wanted them all to have one. What do you think? Accurate?)

---

Ella: Here's two facts about me.

Ella: 1. I hate hot people/royalty

Ella: 2. I'm a hypocrite.

(canon)

---

Fay: You saved me! Why?

Hades: People would think I murdered you if I didn't.

(people being Maleficent, also Ella and Bridget)

---

Hope you liked it!

Does Uliana have a crush on Ella? Maybe. Does Ella like her back? Absolutely not.

Ok byeee

[miidwrites]

Break

You had seen it coming. You had noticed the absence of something for a few days now. I was trapped in my head and you could see it coming from miles away. The sex was still good. I still chatted to you every day but there was something off. It finally came to head tonight.

You know your girl is always stressing over 40 million things at once so the clipped answers to texts throughout the day just told you maybe your baby needed some quality time tonight. My text from lunch told you how shitty of a week I was having, and it is only Tuesday.

Usually I was first to get home so when you got home and had time to make us a light dinner and put together a lovely little pampering session you knew something was truly wrong.

I get home annoyed and frustrated. You hold your arms out for me and I sweep into them quickly for a brief hug and kiss before stalking off to change out of my work clothes. You frown at the briefness and chose to go to the eat-in kitchen to wait for me to join you for dinner. Asking how my day was, you can hear me ranting about the bosses and my coworkers and the work. You can hear the level of stress and frustration growing by the second in my voice. You call me in for dinner and notice the rambling stop. I rush into the kitchen to start getting things together apologizing that I should have been home hours ago and rambling out apology after apology. I notice that dinner is done and the pans are already in the dishwasher. I stop and stare fighting back tears. Apologizing again that you had to work all day and then cook for us. You shush me and tell me to sit down and eat. I stumble to my chair and look at my dinner forlorn. I have zero appetite after the stress and frustration of the day. I know it won’t go well so I force myself to eat a couple bites. I notice the glass of water you put by my plate and start to get up to get us both some wine. You stop me with a hand on my arm and say no let’s just finish our meal and the water is good for now.

I bristle at the comment. “I drank water today! I drank the whole bottle like I always do.” You notice the indignation in my tone and quirk an eyebrow. “Did you think I wouldn’t?! Sorry I didn’t realize we were back to bottle check ins.” I snap as I get up from the table to stomp to my bag. I wrench my water bottle from my bag and stalk back to the table, storms in my eyes. “Here, need to smell it for soda too?” Anger flashes in your eyes as you appraise my tantrum. You take a deep breath before speaking softly and calmly to me, “you should choose your next words very carefully.”

“Or what?” I snap. You register the moment I recognized my fatal mistake. You knew from my eyes that I hadn’t meant that to slip from my lips. But it had. You had heard me. You weren’t likely to forget it or let it pass by.

Quietly, your order me “Sit. Finish your food. Now.”

Committed to this dangerous path I am already on, “I’ve lost my appetite. I’m going to bed.” I grumble. As I slam my bottle on the table and begin to walk away. “thanks for dinner, goodnight” I throw over my shoulder as I stalk from the room.

It takes you 4 steps to snatch me by the arm and drag me back to the table. You shove me into my chair and sit back down. “You will eat, or I will pour it down your throat.” You seethe quietly. You know if this has been my attitude tonight, I probably haven’t eaten since the half ass attempt last night. I start to pull away when you trap me in my chair. Your face inches from me. “Eat the protein. Or I will purée it and tube feed you.”

Infuriated I grab my fork as you slowly pull away. You had such lovely plans for this evening and I had to just go and ruin them all.

The sound of cutlery across flatware slowly drowning out the soft music you put on is the only sounds in the room. We are both angry and the tension is rolling off both of us.

I know I should apologize and I know I should take my bad mood out on my workout classes, but im just over all of it.

You wait patiently for me to finish my chicken and some of the vegetables on my plate. Your plans have definitely changed but now you understand what is needed.

“Get up. Strip.” Is all you say to me as you clear the dishes from the table.

“Look im sorry, I know I shouldn’t have—“

You stop and glare at me. Pinning me to the spot with a look I can’t even begin to decipher. “Was I unclear?” You ask. Knowing this has drastically changed, I wisely choose to keep my mouth shut and shake my head slowly. “Do you really want me to repeat myself?” You question, your eyebrow raising slowly. Fear strikes me then, I shake my head no a little bit faster. I stand immediately and begin removing my clothes, watching you closely as you continue to clear the table and put away dinner.

Wisely I fold my clothes neatly in my chair and stay as still as possible standing next to it.

You don’t look at me. You don’t acknowledge that I’ve done as you’ve asked. You ignore me completely. Once the dishes are in the dishwasher, the food all put away, my bottle refilled and in the refrigerator, you don’t even glance at me before walking past me to the other room.

My anxiety has spiked now. I know I fucked up. I am ashamed for yelling about something stupid. I know I’ve been a little petulant lately but it’s not fair to you. I know I want to apologize. I want to grovel and ask you to hold me so I know I have completely fucked everything up. I stand there shaking as the errant thoughts race through my head. It’s been hours (maybe a few minutes) since you’ve looked at me or spoken to me or touched me. I am spiraling into internal despair in my head. My skin prickles with electricity. It snaps me out of my mental doom spiral. My head snaps up straight and I don’t dare turn.

It’s several more minutes of you staring before I hear your voice “come to me.” I turn and hold myself back from rushing to you. I take measured steps as I notice the blank look on your face and the slight furniture rearrangement. I stop just before you with my head hanging low. I can hear the disappointment in your tone and feel the temperament in the room. I hate this feeling.

You stand there appraising me before stepping back once more. You can see the defeat in the slump of my shoulders. You know, I know, I fucked up.

You take a calculated breath before addressing me. “Kneel.”

I drop to my knees instantly. Knees wide, hands upward resting on my thighs, head bowed. You smirk at the training that has obviously paid off.

You step back once again and settled into your reading chair tucked against the wide set living room windows.

You stare at me open and waiting for you. You appraise my creamy skin, the tension lines across my face and the set of my shoulders and back. You knew this was coming. You should have noticed it before now.

You address me, “I should probably apologize,” you begin. I start from the words, almost raising my head to look at you in alarm. You notice the movements and smirk before continuing. “I probably SHOULD apologize” you emphasize, “because I should have noticed it before. However, if you hadn’t been such a fucking disrespectful cunt this evening, tonight would have gone a much different direction. Now we are here. You have ruined my plans for the evening and ruined my dinner with your fucking mouth. Do you have anything to say?”

You notice the labored breathing I seem to be sporting. Smirking you notice the glistening between my thighs, yes tonight is going to be fun. “Speak.” You command.

With a shaky breath I open my mouth and softly whisper, “im sorry—“. You cut me off with “what? Come to me. Can’t hear your pathetic excuse for an apology.” I slowly crawl forward and stop at your feet. Returning to my kneel’d position, l begin again, “im sorry i was rude—“ my words are cut off by a harsh slap to my face. Tears sting my eyes as I glance up at you briefly in shock. You’ve never struck me before. You squeeze my chin in your hand and yank my face up to look at you. “I don’t believe you. You have been a cunty brat all fucking day and this is the best you can do?! Try again.”

The red mark is blossoming on my cheek as I stare in your eyes and begin again “imsorryforbeingabrat” I rush out quickly, your fingers squeezing my cheeks tighter, smushing my mouth into a pout.

You stare at my mouth, squeezing tighter. You barely register the panic that flashes in my eyes before you harshly release my face. Sitting back again, you yank me by the shoulder and pull me across your right knee. You throw your left leg over my back and pin my body down.

Your breathing is even and annoyed. “You make everything so much harder than it has to be. I work so hard to make sure that you are taken care of and your needs are always met. I treat you with respect and this is the bullshit you bring home to me?!” You ask incredulously. Your hand is heavy on my ass. You warn me, “this is not going to be nice. This is not going to be fun. You deserve this and you know it, yes?” You ask. I nod as tears prick my eyes again. You send a hard warning smack to my ass. “I can’t hear you.”

“Yes.” I reply immediately.

SMACK

You send another hard hit to the top of my ass cheeks. Pain radiates as you remind me, “you will fix that tone or this night will go so much worse for you. I don’t have to use my hand.” You trail off.

Panic shoots through me again. You feel me kick a little and hear my weak apologies.

“What do you think you deserve?” You question. Making me choose my punishment. You know how much I dread this and wait for me to answer.

SMACK

You send another hard hit to my left cheek. Just below your mark inked into my skin. “Answer me.”

“20?” you hear me answer with a question but strong voice. Smirking again at my response.

“Count.” You order.

As each smack is delivered, hard and with intent, my voice rings out in pain and anguish as I count through them. By 18, my ass is bright red and your hand is throbbing. You can smell the slick dripping down on to your thigh. You can hear the sniffles between each spank delivered. At twenty, the heat radiating from my bright cheeks is enough that you know how much tonight is going to hurt for me. A part of you almost feels bad… almost.

You rub and pinch my ass cheeks roughly. Telling me what a good girl I could be if I continue doing so well tonight. You push two fingers into my dripping pussy. “Look at this! How nice must I be if you are this soaked for me after 20 hits?! Maybe I took it too easy on you?” You hear me whimper in need and pain. “Awe, such a pathetic little sound. What do you need puppy?” You ask as you roughly bully your fingers hard into my pussy. You spit on my cunt, rubbing your thumb over my back entrance. “I’m not done with you yet.” You rip your hands away from me quickly. Lifting your left leg and yanking me up by the arm at the same time you turn me to look at my face.

“Oh what a mess you are, puppy!” You yank me back down on my knees and begin to undo your belt. “After all my hard work, I need a nice warm place for my cock. Take me out.” Understanding the inference, I finish undoing your belt and trousers before pulling your cock out and opening my mouth for it. You grab my hair and pull my head back, my tongue hanging out your look over my face before spitting in my mouth.

“Show me how grateful you are… I better believe you this time.”

I quickly dive on your cock sucking your head all the way back to my throat. Your hand stays in my hair, holding me down with my nose flush to your pubic bone. You hold me til my gag reflex finally takes hold and I choke on your cock. Pulling my head up slightly you angle my head so the head of your cock is bulging from my cheek. You brutalize my cheek with face fucking me like a cock sleeve. You are mesmerized by the bulging and trade off little taps to my cheek while bruising the inside of my mouth. Drool leaks out of my mouth all over your shaft and balls. The lewd choking sounds make you harder as you drag my head back and forth over your cock by my hair. You can smell me. You can see the mascara running down my face. You yank my face off your cock.

“Get on the bed.” You demand, your breaths harsh with exertion and control. I scramble to the bedroom and climb on to the bed. Everything hurts. Everything is loud and noisy in my head. You follow me into the room. “On your knees, puppy, you get fucked like the little bitch you are.”

I turn on my knees, dropping my chest down to the bed, presenting you with my still rosy ass. You run your hands roughly over my ass and watch as I wince in pain. You send another slap to my right cheek before bending down and biting. I scream out in pain. There. “Now we are getting somewhere, puppy. Here I was thinking I was being too gentle on you tonight.” You lean down to bite again leaving teeth marks next to your mark. You slap my cheek again and bite below your mark before sucking. Drawing the blood to the skin and biting you leave a mark you know will be there for days. You know this little reminder will be visible and I’ll feel its sting for a while.

Your ministrations don’t stop. You trade slaps and bites all over the round of my ass and even the backs of my thighs. I am crying and shaking before you have finished. You take a long lick of my cunt so beautifully presented to you.

“Fuck. I swear you get creamier the more you scream.” Taking another long languid swipe of my cunt you finish by tonguing my back entrance. I squirm and pant at your actions. You notice the wetness seeping out of me in rivulets. You lick up the inside of my thighs before latching on just below my dripping pussy. Leaving a painful love bite you slap my ass and then my pussy, hard, before plunging two fingers back into me. The actions have me launching myself forward in pain and pleasure.

“Think we are about ready now puppy. Get back on your knees” you command as you pull your trousers down further. I’m full with your fingers pounding into me hard. The movement never slowing, never lightening. There’s a brief lull as you pull your fingers out before you slam your cock into me deep and hard. You’ve repositioned yourself for the best leverage and deliver unforgiving thrusts. Your hips slap against my bright red and purple ass. The pain making me cry out at every thrust. You double your efforts and slam into me even hard and more brutalizing. I am crying at this point. Sobbing into the bed as my face is pushed down by the force of your hips and the weakness in my arms. You weave your fingers into my hair at my skull and pull. Yanking my back up to your chest while you drive into me. “Is this what you needed puppy? Did you need to feel the pain and pleasure only I can give you? Do you know what a good girl you’re being for me?” Tears stream down my face between wrecking sobs. You continue to pound into me until sound leaves me. You can feel the grip from my pussy, pulling you in deeper and deeper. You whisper in my ear, “give me that orgasm puppy.” As I completely come undone. I collapse to the bed with you on top of me. My breathing has hitched and stopped momentarily through my orgasm. I squirt and push your cock out with the force. Lining yourself up with my asshole, you drag some of my cum up to my ass and enter me again. I’m so tight you almost blow your load right there. You nudge into me slowly. Once fully seated in my ass, you notice my breathing is short and im in my post-orgasm comatose state. You slowly begin to move in me. Your short little thrusts so deep in my ass. You keep doing the languid movements until you hear my breathing normalize and you know im back with you.

You press a kiss to my hair, “you’re doing so good for me babygirl. Such a good girl. Let daddy finish with you. Can you come for me one more time baby?” My breathing hitches at the fullness you have provided. I nod my head for you as you keep rutting into my ass. “Good girl” you growl as I begin lifting my hips slightly to meet your thrusts. You wrap your arms around my shoulders keeping me pinned tight to your chest as you back your hips further and further for deeper, harder thrusts. My moans are guttural at the intrusion. You whisper what a filthy little girl I am for you and how no one would ever make me feel this way. You growl what a good girl I am for you and how im a perfect puppy that you could never love anyone as much. You grunt out your lewd comments and adorations as your pace gets less and less measured. My moans spurring you on, you draw your hand between my breast and wrap your long fingers around my neck. Grunting how good I am for you your pace quickens and my cries ring out. “Come for me. Come like a good girl. Come with me puppy. My perfect little puppy.” You ground out in my ear as we both cross over the precipice. You come deep in my ass and throb at the spasms from my cunt. You roll us to the side still seated deep in my ass. You run your fingers lightly around my neck as we stay connected and cuddled. It’s several minutes before either of us can speak. As I turn my head to look at you, my hand comes up to pull our mouths together. Our kisses are languid and sweet. Your cock throbs again in my ass as you slowly soften. I smile through the tear stains all over my face. “You good baby?” You ask softly pecking kisses over every single one of my tear spots. I nod against you, relaxing in your arms.

“Cmon puppy, you need a bath.” I smile against your mouth as we disconnect and scramble to the shower.

[timeoverload]

I haven't had much to say lately. I go through the same routine pretty much every week. I feel like I am repeating myself over and over. I'm not very exciting. I also figured it's probably best if I stay quiet if I don't have anything positive to say. I don't like complaining all the time. I have been tired and grumpy and I haven't been sleeping enough. I have been doing my best not to project how I'm feeling because I don't want to bother anyone.

Typing is sort of difficult for me right now. I can't tell if my arthritis is flaring up or if I'm developing cubital tunnel syndrome. My right hand and arm hurt really bad right now. It's making it hard for me to get a grip on things. My ring finger and pinky are tingling. My ulnar nerve moves more than it's supposed to and gets trapped sometimes. My elbow snaps a lot when I bend it and it's loud. It has always been an issue for me but I try to deal with it. I don't think the weather is helping. I am going to do my best to ignore it and hopefully it will go away soon. I am doing everything I can to avoid going to the doctor for a while.

I have been busy as usual. My work-load has increased a lot but it always does this time of year. A new eye doctor started recently so I have had a lot more cases than usual. The past few days have been very stressful because we have been installing a new computer system at work and I don't think we prepared enough for it. I have mixed feelings about it. It has changed the way I do my job in some ways. We had been using the same system since I started so it has been a tough change for me. I'm used to having to scan instruments into the autoclaves and stuff but a lot of our documentation was still done on paper and now most of our records will be digital. There used to be a batch sheet that would print out when we would load the autoclaves that would list everything that was in there but now we have to get on the computer to check which can be inconvenient if someone needs that information quickly. I can't just print labels for my cataract pans at the beginning of the day so now I have to do each one individually and it makes it difficult to keep track of which doctor I should be setting up for. Surprisingly I didn't make any mistakes today so I guess that was nice. I understand that the new system is better for tracking and saves paper but it's still annoying and takes more time. I'm glad I'm a fast learner and I know how to use it already but it will still take some time to get used to.

I am happy that I have been able to have some peace in the morning this week since the morning team lead is on vacation. That probably sounds bad but I know that he would have been stressed out if he was at work this week and it's hard to be around him when he's like that. Everyone else has been in a bad mood as it is so I don't need any more drama right now. One of the girls in my department was really upset about something earlier and then she snapped at me when I asked her if she was ok. I didn't do anything to warrant that kind of response. I was just concerned. I am trying not to take it personally but I'm not going to go out of my way to talk to her if she's going to be like that.

I'm a little frustrated because I'm on probation for sick days again and I got a verbal warning so I can't call in for a while. I also don't have any PTO. I don't want to get written up so I'm trying to avoid that. I can't afford to lose my bonus this year because I have so many bills I need to pay right now. I have been having trouble managing my finances as it is.

Maxwell, I really would like to come see you before the 17th but I don't think I am going to be able to. I don't want you to be upset with me. I don't want to wait that long either because I miss you and it's making me sad. I really hate the way things are at the moment but I know it won't always be like this. I wish I could make you happy right now. I'm sorry.

I wish I felt like I had more control over my life. I hope that someday I can get my shit together. I want to be responsible. I don't understand how other people can balance everything without falling apart. I am trying not to complain about stuff but I can't help it.

Overall I suppose this week has been ok despite the circumstances. The schedule tomorrow looks bad for me but I will try to make it a good day anyway. I'm looking forward to the weekend even though I will likely spend most of it in bed trying to feel better. I need to stop typing and give my arm a break for a while because it's starting to bother me a lot. I will probably be up late again because I still have stuff I need to do tonight. I'm going to do my best to get things done quickly so that I can relax for a while before I go to bed.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a good day tomorrow. I appreciate the nice messages because they make me feel better when I'm down. Thank you all for caring and listening to me. 💖💖💖

[maddiwrites]

Beauty is Pain

Pairing: Mostly Platonic!Pogues, mentions of JJ Maybank x reader 

Summary: You and Kie try to wax your legs yourselves for the first time and accidentally get yourselves trapped in a sticky situation that gets you locked in your room with JJ and Pope while you listen to Sarah and John B fight outside your door. Routledge!Reader.

Note: I got this idea from a Friends episode. If you watched the show, you’ll know exactly which one I’m talking about. Mostly wrote this without the intention of doing a JJ x reader pairing but then I got an idea(: Hope y'all like it!

Word Count: 3.5k

Warning: Language, maybe angst?? 

For her birthday, Kie was gifted a hard waxing kit. At first you thought it was odd, a Kook like her was better off going to a professional to get evenly waxed brows or a perfectly clear bikini line. But when she asked you to try it out with her, you were intrigued. 

You invited her over to your messy home everyone calls the Chateau. Your brother had a date with his Kook girlfriend, Sarah Cameron, which meant you had the house all to yourself. Even though it was just Kie, your best friend of four years, you decided to clean up the place before she got there. Your house was littered in empty beer cans and ends of JJ’s rolled blunts. You noticed John B was drinking more, smoking JJ’s weed, and even sleeping in later than usual. He’s called out of work two times in the past two weeks, and if he does manage to a say hello to you, it’s a grumbled mumble of words you can barely understand. You chopped it up to him just being moody, but there was also a small part of you that wondered if something serious was going on you didn’t know about.

You tried questioning your friends about it. Kie said she had no clue but noticed his change of attitude too. Pope would get nervous when you brought up John B’s name and claimed he didn’t know what you were talking about. Before you could question him further, his dad whisked him away to clean up the store and run a couple of last minute groceries. JJ, your boyfriend, tried to tell you it was probably nothing, but he wouldn’t make eye contact with you when he talked. He busied himself with rolling another blunt or folding the tossed laundry on your bedroom floor. When you called him out on it, he got snippy and frustrated, which just led you to drop the topic because you didn’t feel like dealing with a second moody teenager. 

Kie showed up right when she said she would with the boxed waxing kit in her hand. You raised one brow up at it as you tossed the filled trash bag out the door. 

“This it?” You said.

“Yes. You haven’t shaved your legs in a while, right?”

“Yeah. It’s been two weeks like you said. JJ says my legs are looking hairier than his. He’ll barely even touch them. One time he called them monkey legs.”

Kie rolled her eyes. “Boys are such hypocrites. If they had to do half the stuff we did, they wouldn’t be complaining at all. They shouldn’t even get to complain about what women decide to do with their bodies.”

Kie continued ranting about how pain is beauty and men will never understand it unless they lived in a woman’s body for a whole month, including the week a woman’s period started, as she set up the kit. 

You worked in your room because there was more space for both of you to try your best to be comfortable. Kie plugged in the warmer on your nightstand and mixed the pink wax pellets with a flat wooden stick until it turned to a warm goo. 

“Okay,” Kie sat up against your bed’s headboard and patted her thigh to motion for you to give her your leg. “You’re up.”

“Why do I have to be first?” You asked.

You’ve never waxed your legs before. Only your brows and sometimes bikini line and even then, you usually just pluck and shave. Getting your hair professionally waxed was expensive and you tried to prioritize your purchases as much as possible to stabilize the life you and John B still had.

Kie sighed. “Fine, we’ll do it together. Let me just put the wax on you.”

You gave Kie your left leg and she slathered the warm wax up the left side of your shin. You watched as she did the same to her own leg and grimaced nervously when you felt the wax hardening against your skin. 

“Ready?” She asked with a teasing smirk.

“On the count of three?”

Kie nodded. “One.”

“Two.” “Three.”

At exactly three, Kie pulled the long waxing strip from your leg and you did the same with hers. A searing hot pain ran up you leg as Kie ripped the wax off, making you bite down a scream. 

“Fuck!” Kie screamed up into the ceiling. You looked down at both your legs. There was a thick line of red from where the wax was. “That shit hurts.”

“Let’s try it again,” You suggested. “Maybe we’ll get use to it if we keep doing it.”

Kie nodded. “Okay. Yeah, let’s try again.”

This time, Kie slid two long strips on both your left and right leg. The warm wax felt soothing. You almost wished you didn’t have to rip it off in the first place. 

“On three?” You said.

Kie nodded.

On three, you each ripped one strip off your own legs. You cursed against gritted teeth from the pain. You were wrong about getting used to it. You didn’t think you would ever be able to tolerate this pain. 

“What the hell? This has never hurt this bad.” Kie said.

“I think whoever gave this to you secretly hates you,” You said to her.

Kie sighed and looked down at the hardening wax still left on your legs. “Well, we have to finish. We’ll just rip them all off really fast.”

“Okay.”

You ripped three out of the four strips that were left at rocket speed, but they all hurt exactly the same. It felt like you were ripping more than just the hair off your leg. You wouldn’t be surprised if you looked down and saw half the layers of your skin ripped off. 

You blinked back the tears at the exact same time Pope and JJ busted into your room looking around frantically. JJ was holding a baseball bat and Pope a pan you just washed and placed on the drying wrack an hour ago. 

“What’s wrong?” Pope yelled.

“What the hell is going on?” JJ narrowed his eyes at you, surprised he wasn’t looking at you being attacked by an intruder or covered in cuts and bruises. When he first heard you screaming when he and Pope walked into your house, his heart raced a million beats per minutes. His mind wandered to all the different things that could have happened to you. He swore he was going to make you lock your door every day and night now. 

But here you were, safe and sound and laying in bed with Kie. Although he could see your labored breathing and clouded eyes, he knew you weren’t in any imminent trouble. His eyes traced from your face down to your legs where a pink strip of wax was still waiting to be pulled off. 

“We’re fine. We’re just waxing our legs.” Kie said.

“What are you doing here?” You asked your boyfriend.

“Pope said Kie was here so we came to hang with you,” JJ said absentmindedly. “I thought you were being murdered.”

“It sure felt like it,” You rolled your eyes, but your heart fluttered from JJ’s protective side.

JJ scoffed. “It can’t hurt that bad.”

Kie tutted her head forward. “Oh yeah? Come here.”

“What? No.”

Kie ignored him and grabbed his arm from across your body and slapped on another slab of wax. JJ hissed from the heat then visibly relaxed.

“Y/N, wanna do the honors?” Kie smirked at you.

You glared at her. “I’m not volunteering to hurt my boyfriend.”

Kie scoffed at you. “What did he call your legs again?”

You clenched your teeth together and nodded once. Kie made her point, and you remembered everything she said about how men will never understand the pain women go through to please not only themselves, but their lovers too. 

“Oh, yeah,” You said within a split second and ripped the wax off JJ’s arms. He flinched away from you, rearing his arm back far away from your reach. His mouth was opened in an ‘O��� shape and his brows pinched together. “Monkey legs.” You smirked at him.

“Fuck,” JJ shook out his arm as if you physically lit it on fire. 

“It can’t hurt that bad, right, JJ?” Kie mocked him.

Pope laughed at his blonde friend and shook his head. “Stupid.”

“Y/N, you have one left.”

“Shut up, I know,” You rolled your shoulders back like you were getting ready to run a marathon. 

“Want me to do it for you?” You nodded. JJ came up next to you and offered his hand for you to squeeze. “Okay. On three. One, two -” Before Kie even said the word three, she ripped the wax off. You closed your eyes and squeezed JJ’s hand hard, until his knuckles rolled in your closed fingers. 

“Shit, baby,” JJ crouched next to you awkwardly, trying to mend his fingers back together.

“Sorry,” You huffed. You weren’t that sorry. He called you monkey legs.

You heard the screen door open and close. Figuring it was just John B back from his date, you relaxed against your headboard again and made a promise to yourself to never wax your legs again. Beauty wasn’t worth this pain. You’d rather be monkey legs than go through that again.

Or just simply shave. 

“ - And that’s supposed to make this all okay?” Your eyes opened when you heard, not JB, but Sarah Cameron screaming right outside your room. Pope quickly closed your bedroom door as quietly as possible and held up his finger to you and Kie to be quiet. “That’s your excuse?”

Your brows pinched together in confusion and you looked at your boyfriend for some kind of answer. This was the first time you ever heard Sarah raise her voice at your brother. As far as you knew, the couple never fought.

JJ was looking down at the ground and avoiding your stare. His hands were wracked through his blonde strands and resting on the top of his head. He and Pope didn’t look as surprised as you and Kie.

“What the hell is going on?” Kie asked in a hushed whisper.

“I - I was scared. I’ve never done this before -” John B stuttered.

“Here’s some advice. Rule number one. Don’t cheat!” Sarah yelled. You swore you could hear the pain behind her voice.

You gasped in surprise and snapped your head in JJ’s direction. He wouldn’t look at you, which mean he knew about this long before you did. You put the pieces together. No wonder John B has been acting miserable. Who knows how long he’s been holding onto this. 

Well...apparently JJ and Pope know.

“What the hell...” Kie sits up straighter. “Is she serious?”

“Did you know?” You asked your boyfriend. This time he did look at you. And he looked guilty as hell.

Your eyes snapped back to the door when John B yelled back at her. “That’s gold coming from you. Did Topper use that same line when you got together with me?”

You physically cringed at the mention of Topper’s name. It may have been a low blow, but John B had a point. 

“Shit,” Kie cursed and sped walked towards the door.

You followed in her footsteps and pressed your ear against the door. One thing was for sure, you couldn’t leave your room now. You couldn’t walk in on that. But at least you could be nosy and eavesdrop.

“That’s not fair. I didn’t love him. I loved you. I left Topper for you!”

“You cheated on him.”

“Because I loved you, John B! You cheated on me because you were scared because...why? Because I’m a Kook? I’ve always been a Kook and you’ve never had a problem with that! Not until now!”

You and Kie crouched on the floor so JJ and Pope could hover over you and listen. It sounded like John B cheated on Sarah a couple weeks ago with a Pogue from your school because he got scared of his feelings for Sarah. Rafe got in your brother’s head, telling him how he will never be enough to care for Sarah when she’s no longer reliant on her father’s money. He became insecure and looked to someone who wouldn’t ever think of him like that - someone who would understand him.

John B was in the wrong and your heart cracked for the couple you once swore was going to be the first to get married out of your group of friends. Although you and Sarah had a rocky start, she quickly became the sister you never had. You got along just as much as you and Kie did. Sometimes John B would find it annoying when Sarah would come over to hang out with you instead of him, but the other part of him loved that the two most important people in his life were as close as he was with JJ. You couldn’t imagine him with anyone else. Not even another Pogue. 

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Sarah asked. She sounded broken and her voice cracked with exhaustion. You wanted to walk out of the room and hug her tightly while yelling at John B for being an absolute idiot. 

You heard John B sigh. “I was going to. I regretted it the second it was over and I was afraid to tell you because I didn’t want you to leave me over some stupid mistake. JJ and Pope said -”

“JJ and Pope knew about this?”

You and Kie looked up at your boyfriends with the deadliest glare either of them have seen out of both you. JJ took a step back and held his hands up in surrender as if you were holding a loaded gun to his head. 

“I can explain -” JJ said quickly as Pope’s mouth moved silently to come up with an excuse.

“I didn’t know what to do! They said telling you would only hurt you -” John B weakly tried to explain.

“Of course it would fucking hurt me! You’ve been lying to me for weeks. You had sex with another girl!” 

You heard something shatter before a deafening silence. You waited for John B to say something, praying he was smart enough to say anything that could salvage what little of a relationship he had left.

You didn’t want to make this about you, but you wondered how many times JJ didn’t tell you something because it would hurt you. You wondered if he did anything just as detrimental to your relationship and didn’t tell you because he was afraid you would break up with him.

John B and Sarah continued to fight for another hour. You wondered if John B was worried about where you might be. If you go somewhere without telling John B, you usually text him later in the day to tell him where you are. It’s something both of you started doing ever since your father disappeared. So that if something were to happen, you would know where to look first.

You thought about jumping out your window, but your window frame was rusty. Even if you moved the window up a little bit, the wood would grind against each other, and your cover would be blown. You were getting hungry and JJ was getting antsy, probably afraid that John B would say something more to push him in the dog house. You’ve barely looked at him since John B threw him under the bus.

“Baby...” JJ said quietly to try to get your attention. “Come on, baby, let me explain.”

You glared at him and continued braiding Kie’s hair with your back to the door. 

“We had good intentions,” Pope tried to save his own ass but Kie’s look mirrored yours. “We just didn’t want them to break up.”

“Shut up, Pope,” You said for Kie. 

“We were wrong,” JJ said, making you advert your attention from Pope to your boyfriend. “I was wrong. It was my idea for John B not to tell Sarah. But the more time I spent with you, I knew I’d never be able to do that to you. It would eat at me inside, and that’s exactly what it was doing to JB. So yesterday I told him he had to tell her. Or else he would hate himself for the rest of his life if he didn’t.” Your eyes soften under his ocean blue ones and your hands fell from Kie’s hair. “I know I would.”

The corner of your lip twitched up into a lopsided grin, and just like that, you were entranced by the blonde Pogue all over again. JJ had his way with words. It’s gotten him both into certain situations and out of other bad ones. But you knew JJ like the back of your hand. You knew when he was lying. He wouldn’t look at you and if you questioned him on it he would get angry. Looking at JJ, you knew he was telling the truth. 

“Yeah, what he said.” Pope said, pointing at your boyfriend.

You and Kie rolled your eyes playfully. Pope, on the other hand, wasn’t so great with his words. That’s why it took so long for him to score Kie as his girlfriend. 

“Where are you going?” You heard John B yell. He sounded defeated.

“I can’t be here. I need...I need space.”

“Sarah...”

“Please. I just need time to think. Okay?”

Your front door slammed shut and you held your breath, waiting for John B to run after her or break more shit in your living room. But nothing like that ever came. Instead, you listened to John B cry to himself probably somewhere on the couch. 

And just like that, you didn’t care about being caught. You didn’t care if he screamed in your face for eavesdropping or calling you nosy and inconsiderate. Your brother needed you, and in that moment, it didn’t matter to you that he was the one in the wrong. At the end of the day, he was your brother. Your blood. Your family. And you’re the one who will always be his rock. 

Kie stood up with you and watched wearily as you showed yourself to your brother. John B looked up with wide eyes, surprised to see not only you but the rest of the Pogues hidden away in your room. 

He wanted to be mad, but he didn’t have the energy to be. Instead, he cried harder because he hated that you of all people knew what he did and that he was now being weak by crying about it in your living room. He wanted to be the role model you could always look up to, especially now that your dad was gone. And he thought he failed at it. 

John B was pleasantly surprised when he felt a pair of gentle arms wrap around his shoulders and pull him into a side hug as you sat on the couch next to him. Kie sat on the coffee table in front of you and rubbed John B’s knee comfortingly. Pope and JJ knew the girls were better equipped to handle John B’s emotions, so they busied themselves in the kitchen, grabbing a couple beers and pretzels and setting them down on the table next to Kie. 

Even though John B cheated and created a big mess in not only his life, but the rest of yours too, you were family. You would never leave him on his darkest day and play the blame game. You’ll help him get control. You’ll help him fix it. You’ll help him live his life to the fullest. And that’s what John B loved about you. You never turned your back on him, even when he deserved it.

The five of you spent the rest of the night drinking beer, ordering pizza, and watching comedy movies to get him to forget. Later in the night, you and Kie left to comfort Sarah. You admitted that you two heard the whole thing and would support her with whatever she chose to do about her relationship. You and Kie slept over her house and discussed the pros and cons of her staying with John B. You ate popcorn and applied face masks while Keeping Up With The Kardashians played in the background. 

“You know, Kie’s waxing kit is still at my house,” A mischievous smirk pulled at your lips. “We could cause a lot of damage while he sleeps.”

Kie encouraged the idea and Sarah laughed, feeling grateful that the two of you would even come to see her when you both had loyalties to John B. She really did love you guys and would be devastated if her relationship with John B drove you guys apart. 

In the end, Sarah ended up taking John B back. It took a while for them to get their relationship back to the way it was, but they loved each other enough to salvage it. John B worked his ass off to prove how much he loved her and Sarah appreciated every second of it.

And as for you and JJ...well you made sure to give him one really good reason as to why he should never cheat on you (;

[masterofmunson]

driver’s license ~ part one

Harry Styles x Fem!Reader

Summary: Things between you and Harry were going great. That was the case until he blindsided you and broke your heart by leaving you for his co-star. Based off the song Driver’s License by Olivia Rodrigo.

Warnings: language and angst. covid doesn’t exist.

Word Count: 4.4k+

Author’s Note: Here she is! I’m sorry it’s so delayed. School has really been kicking my ass. Consider this my anti-valentine’s day fic. This will be a two or three part mini series, I haven’t decided yet. Please let me know what you think! Comments, reblogs, and asks are highly encouraged and appreciated! Enjoy!

It felt like your heart had been ripped out of your chest. It’d been several weeks since you saw Harry last. He returned to film Don’t Worry Darling and you were left feeling empty and buried yourself in your work. Whatever was happening between you and Harry was up in the air.

You’re friends. You’re the best of friends, at least you were for a while. He wrote a song for you. You kissed him. He kissed you back. You were happy, and then all of a sudden he became a stranger to you. You don’t recognize the person you’ve come to know.

“Harry? I thought you couldn’t take me driving today?” you asked one evening as he stands on your doorstep with slumped shoulders and a nervous gaze. You’d texted him earlier about driving around the area and his answer was short, but not out of the ordinary for him.

Now, staring at him, something was clearly wrong and he looked like he would rather be anywhere than in front of you on your porch. “Is everything alright?”

He lets out a nervous breath and bites the inside of his cheek. You open the door wide enough for him to step inside. He rings his fingers together. “Sorry, I should’ve called,” he said, his eyes roam around the foyer of your apartment.

Your brows knit together. He’s acting strange. He shows up unannounced all the time and it’s never bothered you before. You’re friends and slowly testing the waters to be something more.

“Harry, what’s wrong? What aren’t you telling me?”

The silence is deafening and it sends a chill down your spine. He looks down at the floor and the lump in your throat grows. You fight back tears. You know exactly what the silence means. He’s having second thoughts about pursuing a relationship with you. Your worst fear is coming true.

“You’re having second thoughts about our relationship, aren’t you?”

Harry swallows hard, nodding slowly. “Sort of. I don’t regret it, and I still very much have feelings for you, but I’ve had time to think. I just don’t think it would be fair to start our relationship right now. I don’t want to distract you from what’s important to you and I have the press tour coming up as well as my tour. I want you to be happy and you won’t see me for months at a time.”

You don’t really know what to say. You want to scream and shout at him. None of that mattered before the two of you kissed. He would see you whenever his schedule allowed and you traveled to see him whenever you could. He was your best friend and you made an effort to make your friendship the way it is.

You’re used to the distance. You’re used to the texts, phone calls, and FaceTiming him. It’s how you stay in touch when you’re thousands of miles apart. Why would it be any different now that you’re together?

You try not to cry. It’s such a piss poor excuse to end things between the two of you. After all you’ve been through together, he’s ending it because he’s scared.

“Are you kidding me, Harry? You’re ending whatever this is because you’re scared? I made the choice to kiss you that night. You made the choice to kiss me back. You’re my best friend. I don’t care about the distance. I want you,” you confessed. A tear falls on your cheek and you turn your head away from him to wipe it away.

Harry sighed, scratching the back of his head. “I’m sorry. You deserve better. You deserve stability and I can’t give you that, at least not right now.”

You let out a shaky breath to try and mask the sob creeping up your throat. More tears gather in your eyes and against your better judgement, you let Harry reach for your face. His thumb brushes against the shell of your cheek and you lean into his touch. He presses a lingering kiss to your forehead and you hold the hand pressed against your cheek.

A few tears fall and he gently wipes them with the pad of his finger. You sniff quietly and come to your senses and pull away from him. You wipe your nose and let out an awkward laugh. You rock back on your heels and nod towards the door.

“You should go.”

He nods slowly and walks towards the door. He opens the door and turns to look at you one more time before he leaves. You look away. He’s seen enough. You can’t let him see you break further. It doesn’t matter if he’s your best friend. He’s breaking your heart.

The door shuts behind him and you gasp for air as you let the tears fall. You grab at your shirt and fall to the floor. You bring your knees to your chest and cry and cry.

You never thought the person you loved and cared for the most in the world would be the one to hurt you. He gave you a bad excuse. Why did he change his mind? Was it something you said or did? Was it because you weren’t an A list celebrity? You were just a small time producer working in your family owned studio.

It was by chance that a friendship blossomed with the rock star Harry Styles. His own music producer called in sick one day and you filled in for him. You had been friends ever since and occasionally helped him with music every now and then when you weren’t busy with other clients. It was one of the reasons why you had yet to get your driver's license. You were too busy to take the time to learn and you lived in the city so you didn’t really see a need to get your license. You could Uber or bum rides from your brother to the office if you had to.

Did you read too much into things? Harry had written a song for and about you. He told you that much. It was sweet and romantic. You kissed him and it was reciprocated. You didn’t trick or trap him into doing something he didn’t want to do. He confessed his feelings and then you kissed some more.

How would things pan out between the two of you now that he’d broken things off? You couldn’t go back to how things were before. You can’t forget the way he kissed you. You can’t just forget and ignore the way he made you feel. Maybe he would, you thought bitterly.

Harry was notorious for sweeping things under the rug and acting like nothing happened. If he doesn’t address it, it didn’t happen. You won’t let him do that to you. It’s cruel and painful. It’s pure torture.

Now, several weeks have passed since Harry showed up at your doorstep and broke your heart. Since then, you’ve put distance between the two of you. You don’t go out of your way to reach out to him and if he sends you a message, you take hours to reply. Your older brother Malcolm has taken Harry’s place as your driving instructor and he doesn’t ask what happened and you appreciate it.

It’s still a sore subject and you go out of your way to avoid Harry when you know he’s scheduled to work in one of the studios. Everyone’s noticed the change in behavior but no one asks questions. You keep your head down and busy yourself with work. It keeps you from dwelling on what could’ve been. You don’t have the time for such things at work.

It’s a different story altogether when you’re at home alone. Everything reminds you of Harry and you feel utterly pathetic. You drown your sorrows into cheap wine and poorly written romcoms. It’s easier than doing something stupid like drunk texting him.

Now, in hindsight you definitely shouldn’t have been drinking on a lonely Tuesday night. You hadn’t planned on finishing the bottle, but you lost track of time and soon enough you were opening wine bottle number two and finishing it just as easily as you did the first. You know better than to come into work with a raging hangover, but you couldn’t call off. You had a scheduled client that had been on the books for weeks.

Stumbling into the building, you push your sunglasses up the bridge of your noise and trudge to your office. You turn the lights on and close the curtains. Collapsing into your chair, you groan loudly and pull your water bottle out of your work bag and take a long sip.

There’s a gentle knock on the door and you look at your brother through your sunglasses. He laughs softly and steps inside, shutting the door behind him before taking the seat in front of your desk. He leans back into the seat and playfully kicks his feet up on your office table.

There’s a comfortable silence that falls upon the room and Malcolm drinks his coffee slowly. “Can I ask what happened between you and Harry? Wasn’t he teaching you how to drive?”

The question makes your heart drop deep inside your chest. You figured that Malcolm knew that something had happened between you and Harry. You were never in the office when Harry stopped by. Malcolm knew that you were close with Harry, but he didn’t know the extent of your relationship.

You were still figuring out what to label what the two of you were when Harry broke things off. It was still hush hush and kept between the two of you. Nothing fundamentally changed your relationship with each other. All your friends and family as well as his knew that the two of you were incredibly close. No one would’ve known you were seeing each other.

You let out a deep sigh. You tell him everything. You tell him about the song he wrote for you. You tell him how you kissed. You tell him how you’d been seeing each other, going on dates, and acting as everything was normal for the last few months. You tell him how Harry came to your apartment unannounced one day and completely broke your heart just several weeks earlier.

It’s hard to get through and tell him everything with tears gathering behind the sunglasses on your face. Another wave of silence fills the room and Malcolm sits up in the chair and reaches across the table for your hands. He squeezes your hands firmly and you force a smile on your face.

“I’m sorry. You don’t deserve that,” he said. “When you’ve sobered up, let’s take you to the DMV. I don’t want this rite of passage to be tainted with bad memories. It’s about time you get your license. Your car definitely has a thick layer of dust on it.”

You laugh loudly and pull the sunglasses from your face. You wipe away the last of your tears and nod slowly. Malcolm smiles gently and it makes you feel better almost immediately. You could always count on him to make you feel better about a shitty situation you’re going through.

Several more days pass and you are finally a licensed driver. You feel like you’re on a runners high. Now you understand why Harry and the rest of your friends enjoy driving so much. You feel free driving along the coast as the sun sets every evening. It’s made you much happier in recent days.

At least it did.

It was only a matter of time before something ruined your mood. It had been touch and go in the last few days. You could breathe a little easier knowing that Malcolm knew why you were acting and behaving out of the ordinary. He understood. He’s had his fair share of heartbreaks. You don’t have to bottle it in, not when Malcolm knows and doesn’t judge you for it.

When you come to work several mornings after your trip to the DMV, you’re met with odd looks as you walk towards your office. All eyes are on you and it makes your heart drop.

What happened? Was it your dad? Was it Malcolm?

You hurry into your office and throw your things down and barely register that Malcolm is already in your office. You practically jump out of your skin as he shuts the door behind him.

“Jesus Christ, Malcolm!” you screamed, spinning around and clutching your chest. Your heart races and leaps into your throat. “Don’t scare me like that!”

Malcolm stares at you and frowns apologetically. His face is somber and his posture is rigged. He motions for you to sit down.

“You should sit down.”

You stare at him carefully. You cross your arms over your chest. “What’s going on?”

“Please sit, and then I’ll tell you.”

You huff and roll your eyes at your older brother. You collapse into your chair and motion for him to continue. He lets out a careful breath. “There’s no easy way to say this, and you were going to find out eventually, but somehow TMZ got a hold of private photos of you and Harry together.”

Confusion washes over you. You don’t understand. That doesn’t seem too bad. There’s plenty of photos of the two of you on the internet. It’s an occupational hazard and it’s expected if you’re friends with someone like Harry.

“That doesn’t seem so bad. There’s plenty of photos of us together on the internet. Being photographed together isn’t a crime. We’re close,” you reasoned.

Malcolm noticeably winces and your heart drops inside your chest. “Normally, I would agree, but these are…. different. They’re photos of the two of you kissing at Griffith Observatory.”

Oh no. Oh no. Oh shit.

You and Harry had gone on a date to the observatory just a few days after you kissed and confessed your feelings for one another. It was nearing sunset and it was nearly empty of tourists and locals alike.

You were careful not to draw attention towards yourselves. You were having fun and being silly together. You’d been taking photos together and of each other. An elderly couple even offered to take a few photos of the two of you together.

They were incredibly sweet and thankfully had no idea who Harry was. One of the photos they took was your lockscreen for the longest time. You were happy and full of bliss.

“W-What?” you stuttered in disbelief. “How? That was months ago! We were careful and no one recognized him.”

Malcolm shrugs and it doesn’t make you feel any better. Of course he doesn’t know. “There’s more.”

You groan. Could it get any worse? His fans will destroy you if they haven’t already. You lean back in your chair and Malcolm just stares at you.

“There’s photos of Harry and Olivia Wilde together. He allegedly took her as his plus one to Jeff’s wedding. They’re holding hands and look…. close. There’s rumors that they’ve been dating for the last several weeks.”

A wave of nausea washes over you. You can’t breathe. You can’t think. You feel like you’re about to pass out. You feel absolutely disgusted. You don’t know what to say.

You’re hurt and you feel betrayed. Harry had abandoned you when the better option rolled past. His second thoughts about your relationship had nothing to do with the distance or his crazy schedule. It had everything to do with his beautiful, successful co-star and director Olivia Wilde.

It makes you feel sick to your stomach. You’re in no shape to work. You’re a disaster and it feels as if your heart is being stabbed a thousand times.

What happened? What happened to the man you love and who claimed to love you? Someone you love isn't supposed to hurt you the way Harry has. He makes you feel like trash thrown on the side of the road.

You scramble to your feet and hyperventilate as you grab your things from on top of your desk. You race out the door and ignore the stares as you leave the office. You ignore Malcolm shouting after you and climb into your car and take off.

Your grip on the steering wheel is tight and hurts your palms. You ignore how fast you’re going and you drive, and drive, and drive.

Nearly an hour has gone by and you pull off the highway and make the exit towards Newport Beach. You park in an empty lot near the public beach and stare out into the ocean.

You scream in the car. Your hands shake the steering wheel and you cry, and cry, and cry. You feel pathetic and used. How could you ever believe that Harry would ever want to be with someone like you? You’re practically a nobody. It doesn’t matter that your family is in the music industry. You’re not a pop star or an extremely talented director.

Your hands shake and you reach for the tiny, beat up journal tucked away in the bottom of your work bag. You open the door to your car and pop open the trunk. You grab the blanket from the back before locking up and trek up towards the shore.

You sit down in the warm sand and close your eyes. Your shoulders relax as you listen to the crashing waves nearby.

Another wave of tears find their way at the corners of your eyes. This time you don’t try to hold them back.

Your shoulders shake as you cry and you feel utterly defeated. You’ve given Harry way too much power over you. He doesn’t deserve you and you don’t deserve to be treated like someone that can be taken and put back on to a shelf.

You open your journal to a clean page and begin to write. Memories with Harry come to mind and you write, write, write.

“I can’t believe you’re working on Olivia Wilde’s new movie,” you told Harry in awe on the day he broke the news to you. “I mean, I can. It’s just amazing! Just promise me you won’t leave me for your sexy co-star,” you teased.

Harry laughs and kisses the top of your forehead. He gives you a warm and soft kiss to your mouth. “I wouldn’t dream of it, darling,” he whispered. “I’m crazy for you.”

You grin at him and he pulls you closer in the soft sheets of his bed. His touch engulfs you and you sink deeper and deeper into him.

Tears dampen the journal as you write and cry, write and cry. You look away briefly, rubbing at your cheek, ridding it of your tears.

What happened? What went wrong? You loved him with your entire being. Why wasn’t that enough? Why weren’t you enough?

A broken sigh leaves your lips and you turn back to your journal. You write some more. This time, a memory from before the two of you kissed comes to mind.

The two of you sat on top of the hood of his car. The beach is nearly empty as it nears sunset. You eat ice cream and watch the waves crash against the shore. Harry nudges you playfully as takes a spoonful of his strawberry and banana blizzard.

“I think it’s about time you learn how to drive,” he said with a mouthful of food.

You laughed and rolled your eyes. Of course he’d say that. He’s probably sick of being your personal chauffeur and taking you everywhere. You guess it’s time to learn.

“Yeah? Is this your way of telling me that you’re sick of driving me everywhere?” you teased.

He rolled his eyes too and smiled. It made your stomach jump. “Nooooo. I just want you to drive up to my house once in a while. Is that so bad?”

“I guess not. Who do you suggest I should ask to be my teacher?”

You were teasing him. You just wanted to get a rise out of him and it worked. He gasps and shoves you gently. You laughed and he frowned at you.

“If I haven’t made it obvious, I’m teaching you. God knows what’ll happen if you get behind the wheel with anyone else.”

You rolled your eyes at his teasing and bit the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from smiling. That fucker. He knows exactly what to say to get you to take the bait. You scoffed and finished the rest of your ice cream and Harry does the same.

“I’ll teach you in the parking lot for now.”

By the time you’re done writing, you’ve filled nearly five pages in your journal. Words are scribbled out, phrases reworked and rephrased, lines scratched through a number of stanzas.

It’s painful. It’s sorrow. It’s complete and utter heartbreak. It’s vulnerable and raw. It’s what’s become of your relationship with Harry. It’s beautiful.

You stopped crying a while ago. The remains of your tears stain your cheeks and it doesn’t bother you. You gather your things together and return to your car.

This time as you sit in your car and grab the steering wheel, you don’t scream pathetically or shake the wheel. Instead, you look out at shore, the ache in your heart reduced to a dull throb in your chest.

When you return to the office several days later, you ignore the sea of eyes that follow behind you as you trudge to Malcolm’s office. You’re on a mission and you will see it through.

The door to his office is closed and you quickly push it open. “Hey, Malcolm, I wrote something and I want you to—”

You don’t know what you expected when you opened his office door without knocking. He’s told you countless times to knock before entering, but you’ve never listened. You should probably knock now.

Jeff sits in the chair closest to the door. He turns his head to look at you. He gives a courteous smile. Your heart drops inside your stomach and you slowly close the door.

“What’s going on?”

“I think it’s best if you sit down,” Malcolm said, motioning to the empty seat next to Jeff.

“I think I’m good standing right here,” you replied defiantly, resting your back against the door. You cross your arms over your chest and glare at the two men in front of you. They share a glance before Malcolm looks back at you.

“Jeff and I were just discussing our options on how to handle the PR situation going on with you and Harry.”

You let out a bitter laugh. Since when has any PR stunts ever been handled by Harry or his team? They’re notorious for ignoring it altogether. It’s a part of his brand. His fans even know that he sweeps things under the rug. Why would they want to handle it? Any PR is good PR, according to Jeff at least.

“Since when did you start caring about bad PR, Jeff? It is because I’m a nobody in an industry that only cares about the elite? Or is it because Harry being seen with someone who isn’t a celebrity is bad for his brand?” you asked sarcastically with an eye roll.

You feel a wave of tears threaten to fall at the corners of your eyes. Your chin quivers and you bite the inside of your cheek. Don’t cry, don’t cry, do not cry. You’re done crying over Harry.

“Y/n, that’s not true. He’s in the middle of filming and we’ve carefully made it seem like he’s with Olivia Wilde. It’s to help promote the movie,” Jeff defended.

You click your tongue to the roof of your mouth. “Right, because everything’s about Harry and what’s best for him. Do whatever the fuck you want, just leave me out of it and don’t talk to me again.”

You leave his office and ignore the stares as you leave the building. You can’t be here, not when Jeff is just feet away from you. You’re sad, angry, and hurt. You just want to punch something.

You return to your car and scream in frustration the moment the door shuts. Harry didn’t even come to fix the situation himself. Instead he sent his manager to do all the dirty work for him. He still hasn’t said sorry for the hurt and pain he put you through. You doubt he’d even apologize for the hell you’ll get from his fans.

You drive home and change out of your work attire into comfy pajamas. You settle in front of your piano and mess around with the soundboard nearby that’s connected to your computer before pressing the record button.

It goes on like this for hours. You splice the instruments together, fixing and editing the tempo, sound, and bass here and there. It’s a tedious process, but one you love. You carefully place the headphones over your ears and swallow hard before you begin singing the lyrics on the main track. After you add a variety of harmonies and melodies to give the song more depth.

Then it’s over. The song’s finished and recorded. It’s perfect. It’s everything you imagined it would be when you wrote the lyrics on the beach. It’s vulnerable, but it’s beautiful and it’s you. You didn’t need Malcom’s help to produce the song. You did it all on your own, like always.

You lean back into your chair and stare at the computer file. You couldn’t publish it. It won’t see the light of day. You’re not meant to be singing the songs you write. You’re meant to share and produce them for artists that are infinitely more talented than you. Maybe you could sell the rights to someone like Billie Eilish or Ariana Grande. They could do the song justice.

No. It’s too vulnerable, too you. It’s only meant to be sung by you. It’s yours, no one else’s. You don’t need a second opinion. If things were still good between you and Harry, he would encourage you to release the song.

Maybe that’s why you set up your camera and took photos to create your own album art for the song. Maybe that’s why you watched the file slowly render in Apple Music, ITunes, and Spotify. You hover over the publish tab.

You hesitate. There’s no going back. Once it’s uploaded, there’s no way to delete it. The song is out there forever. People will link it to Harry in a matter of minutes, that much is obvious, but you don’t care. You’re doing this for you and no one else. If Harry could write songs about his exes, so could you.

You click publish, and exhale deeply as the song appears in the system.

There’s no going back.

[morganaspendragonss]

holly's august extravaganza day 26: slowly becoming lovers

for sonia (@pragmaticoptimist34)! i have to confess something - i got so caught up in writing this that i actually forgot to include either of the other two prompts you sent me 🙈 i hope you like it anyway!

second confession - it was supposed to be longer and then it kind of got away from me so i had to draw a line somewhere oops

thanks to @ravens-words, @cosmiicmalex, @halsteadmarchs and liz (sorry, i don't know your tumblr!) for enabling me and to @noxsoulmate for beta'ing!

ao3 | 2.9k | falling in love, fluff, tiny, tiny hint of hurt/comfort, soft tarlos, set between s1 and s2

Things don’t get fixed overnight. They agree to give them a shot, but that doesn’t change the fact that TK is still reeling from his break-up and overdose, nor that Carlos is still hesitant and afraid of pushing too hard at once.

But, slowly, they get to know each other. And, slowly, they start to fall in love.

i. food preferences

“You have to be joking.”

“It tastes like soap, Carlos!”

Carlos groans and drops his head into his hands, shaking his head at this latest revelation from his boyfriend. His boyfriend, who has just made his life—or at least his cooking—a hell of a lot more complicated. “My mamá would have a fit if she could hear you now.”

He almost regrets the words as TK’s eyes alight with interest; he’s been dancing around the topic of his parents for a while now, but it’s not like he can deny what he said. His mom would be having a fit, or possibly attempting to kill TK with a wooden spoon, if she found out that Carlos’s boyfriend was not only a gringo, but one who hates coriander.

“I swear, you won’t even taste it when it’s mixed into the food,” he tries, because coriander is a staple of his cooking, and he can’t even fathom not using it.

But TK just levels him with a firm look. “Yes, I will, Carlos. I’ll always taste it.”

Carlos rolls his eyes at his boyfriend’s theatrics, but sighs, relenting. “Fine. I suppose I can—” He doesn’t get a chance to finish his sentence, as TK throws his arms around him and plants a noisy kiss on his cheek.

“Thanks, babe,” he says, grinning cheekily.

“Yeah, yeah,” Carlos grumbles, but he can’t help but smile.

There’s very little, he’s finding, that he wouldn’t do for TK.

ii. nicknames

It slips out by accident one day.

“TK,” Carlos groans, followed by a gasp as TK moves just right, sending sparks of pleasure down his spine. “TK, Ty—”

TK instantly freezes on top of him and Carlos’s eyes open, concern rising in him as he takes in the pensive look on his boyfriend’s face.

“What’s wrong?”

“I…” TK shakes his head and forces a smile. “It’s nothing. I’m good, I promise.” He ducks down to kiss Carlos again, but the mood is all wrong, and Carlos gently pushes him back, raising an eyebrow. TK holds out a moment longer, then sighs and rolls away, staring up at the ceiling. “It’s stupid.”

Carlos tuts, reaching over to brush a hand through TK’s hair. “Bet you $20 it’s not.”

“Hope you have $20 then, Reyes,” TK says wryly. He looks over at Carlos and sighs again, biting his lip. “It’s just… You called me Ty.”

“Oh.” Carlos’s eyes widen and he props himself up on an elbow. “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t thinking; it won’t happen again—”

TK presses a finger against his lips, cutting him off abruptly. He smiles softly, then removes his finger and caresses Carlos’s cheek. “It’s okay,” he says. “More than okay, actually. I… I’ve always hated my name, but, I don’t know, I guess it sounded right? Like, when you said it? I think I’d kill anyone else who tried, but I really liked it coming from you.”

“Are you sure? You’re not just saying that because—”

Carlos is again cut off, this time by TK’s lips on his. TK moves so that he’s straddling Carlos again, hands pressed against his chest. “I’m sure,” he whispers, a grin playing at his mouth. “Now, weren’t we in the middle of something?”

iii. religion

Christmas sneaks up on him that year. Between helping the city recovering from the solar storm, work in general, the pandemic, and building his relationship with TK, Carlos has completely lost track of the months, until it’s a week before the date and he has nothing planned.

Really, it’s never been a big deal for him; he and his family used to attend mass and make an event out of it when he was a kid, but now he’s an adult, he’s often working, and he hasn’t been to church regularly since he was a teenager. But this year is different. This year, he’ll be spending it with TK, their first Christmas together, and he wants to make it special.

But he’s left it too late—nothing he orders online will arrive in time, the shops are becoming a nightmare, and he honestly has no clue where to even start. So Carlos resigns himself to another quiet Christmas, frustration and disappointment welling in him at the thought of telling his boyfriend.

“I’m sorry,” he blurts out one night over dinner, the thought having been gnawing at him for days.

TK raises a brow. “For?”

“Christmas,” Carlos sighs, looking down into his stew. “It’s our first one together and I had all these plans, and then I just sort of… I didn’t forget! But things have been so crazy, and—”

He’s cut off when TK lays a hand on his. When Carlos looks up at him, TK seems to be fighting back laughter, which is confusing at best and potentially mildly insulting at worst.

“Babe,” TK says, grinning, “it’s okay. You might not believe me, but I forgot too. Christmas wasn’t really a thing growing up—my mom’s Jewish, so I used to celebrate Hanukkah on the years I stayed with her, and Dad was working more often than not. I don’t care, I promise.”

Carlos blinks. “You’re Jewish?” Surely he would know if… But they’ve never discussed religion before, and Carlos had kind of assumed TK had the same ideals as him about the church. In hindsight that was stupid and presumptuous, and Carlos can’t quite believe he’d do something like that. An apology is on the tip of his tongue, but TK just shrugs, going back to his stew.

“Half,” he says. “I don’t really practice anymore but I still keep the beliefs with me, if that makes sense?”

“Yeah. Yeah, it does.”

TK smiles at him, and Carlos suddenly realises that this holiday season will be special after all, even if they don’t celebrate anything. Because he’s with TK, which is the most special thing in the world.

iv. how they sleep

Carlos has been sleeping alone for a long time. He’s had a couple of short-term boyfriends and the odd hook-up here and there, but he’s never had someone else in his bed regularly—certainly not regularly enough to get used to it.

TK was hesitant at first to stay over, but once he started to be more comfortable, it was almost a given that they’d be sleeping together whenever their shifts allowed.

And it had been an adjustment.

TK had warned him he tended to move around and be clingy in his sleep, but Carlos hadn’t quite understood what that meant, until now. He is, essentially, trapped under TK, his arms pinned to his sides and one leg thrown over his hip. TK’s head is pillowed on Carlos’s shoulder and his breath is fanning in soft puffs over his skin.

The only way he can move is if he wakes TK up, and there’s no way Carlos is going to do that. His boyfriend looks so peaceful, and Carlos is more than happy to be clung onto like a koala to a branch if it keeps that expression on his face.

In fact, he thinks he can get used to this very easily.

v. pda

In private, their days are filled with gentle touches and stolen kisses. Carlos will be cooking breakfast and TK will slip his arms around him, kissing the back of his neck. TK will be doing one chore or another and Carlos will brush a hand over his back or gently nudge him as he walks past.

But in public, it’s a whole other story.

It’s almost reflexive, the way TK reaches for Carlos’s hand as they’re walking down the street. It’s something they do all the time at home, and even with their friends, but this time, Carlos immediately tenses, seemingly automatically pulling his hand away.

“You okay?” he asks, frowning.

Carlos takes a deep breath, then obviously plasters on a smile, retaking TK’s hand—and TK can feel the tension in the gesture. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not.” TK gently lets go of Carlos and smiles reassuringly up at him. “It’s okay if you’re not comfortable with touching in public.”

“I’m sorry, I just—”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. This is all on me; I should have asked.”

“But—”

“But, nothing.” He carefully bumps their soldiers together. “You’re entitled to your boundaries, I’m just sorry for overstepping. Tell me next time, please?”

Carlos hesitates, but nods, a gentle press of their arms a silent acknowledgment of agreement and understanding.

vi. scars

Carlos, TK has noticed, likes to pay extra attention to his bullet scar. Whether it’s pressing a gentle kiss over it when they’re in bed, or brushing it with his fingers when wrapping an arm around him, it happens too often for TK to believe it’s anything but intentional.

He doesn’t understand it at first.

Then he discovers Carlos’s own scars.

“What’s this?” he asks, tracing over the thick raised scarring on Carlos’s side. It stretches along the curve of his waist and round his back, and TK has no idea how he hasn’t noticed it before.

Carlos cranes his neck, letting out a hum when he sees what TK’s looking at. His head flops back down on the pillow and he closes his eyes, absently stroking up and down TK’s sides.

“It was...three years ago, maybe?” he says. “I got stabbed on a call. They told me it was pretty touch-and-go for a while, but they fixed me up and I was back at work in a month.”

His eyes are still closed, body completely relaxed, but TK can’t take his eyes off the scar. He reaches up to his own scar, and he gets it.

Carlos’s eyes crack open. “TK?”

“I’m good,” TK murmurs. He breaks his gaze from Carlos’s abdomen and smiles at him. “We both are.”

And if, after that day, Carlos notices him paying more attention to that scar, he doesn’t say anything.

vii. penguin or panda

“You’re out of your mind!”

In Carlos’s defence, a zoo date had seemed like a good idea. He knows TK loves animals, and he himself grew up around them, so in theory, a trip to Austin Zoo should have been the perfect time to get to know each other better while enjoying the day.

Turns out, TK has some very strong opinions on animals, and is willing to budge for absolutely no-one.

“I can’t believe you think penguins are cuter than pandas! I mean, look at them, Carlos!” He gestures emphatically to the panda enclosure, where one is napping on a log. It’s pretty cute, Carlos has to admit, but…

He shrugs. “But remember when the penguins were all huddling together?”

TK makes a noise of outrage, and Carlos has to laugh, then some more at the wounded pout he gets for it. “Is this really a thing for you?” he asks. “Like, is this going to be the dealbreaker for us?”

TK folds his arms and levels him with a stern look. “That depends,” he says. “Meerkats or koalas?”

And, just because he knows it will rile TK up more, Carlos grins and answers, “Meerkats.”

(They don’t break-up over it, but Carlos isn’t so sure that TK will be forgiving him any time soon.)

viii. special interests

“Say you could go back to a moment in history, but only once,” TK says, out of the blue, breaking the comfortable silence of the front room. Carlos stops carding his fingers through TK’s hair and looks down at him, curious. “Where would you go?”

Carlos opens his mouth, but TK doesn’t give him a second to answer. “Is it cliché if I said I’d go to Stonewall? I mean, I’d really like to see dinosaurs in the flesh, or—oh! I was, like, obsessed with pirates as a kid; I thought they were the coolest things ever, and I pretty much idolised Anne Bonny. But I’m pretty sure I’d die immediately if I went to either of those places, so…”

He trails off, a blush rising on his cheeks. “Sorry, I’m boring you.”

“No!” Carlos rushes to say. “No, you’re not. I love history, I just… What makes you ask?”

“It’s something we got into at the station earlier. Mateo brought it up first, I think?”

Carlos hums, pursing his lips in thought. “I guess…” He sighs and shakes his head. “It’s too hard. There’s so many places I’d want to go and people I’d want to meet.”

“But if you had to pick?” TK pushes, sitting upright and looking at Carlos with interest.

“I really want to meet Eleanor of Aquitaine, but if I could only go to one place…” He hesitates and thinks it over some more, but then his eyes catch on the masks hanging along the stairway, and he’s sure. “Tenochtitlan, but before Cortés arrived. It was a whole society, and I just think it would be so cool to see it up close and to know what it was like first-hand. I mean, I’ve read a lot of books, but we don’t have much from the Mexica people, a lot is from the conquerors, and—”

Carlos stops and huffs a laugh. “Now I’m the one boring you,” he says, but TK shakes his head, eyes bright.

“Tell me more.”

ix. coffee order

TK accepts the coffee without even thinking about it, even taking a sip before he realises he never told Carlos what his order was. He curses himself but resolves to drink it anyway; TK isn’t too much of a coffee snob, and he’s certainly not going to reject anything his boyfriend brings him.

He takes a second sip, and he’s so caught up in making a mental note to tell Carlos next time that it takes a minute for the taste to register. And…

It’s his order.

He looks sharply up at Carlos, who is smiling into his own coffee—therefore dispelling any notion of this being an insanely good guess. “How did you know?” he asks, bewildered.

The tips of Carlos’s ears turn pink, but the smile doesn’t leave his face as he looks up at TK. “Our first real date,” he says. “You mentioned that this was your go-to order.”

And TK can’t do anything but stare, because their first date was weeks ago, and Carlos still remembered, and it’s just…

He thinks—no, he knows—he’s falling in love.

x. fears

“Weirdest fears, go.”

TK has to laugh at the perplexed look Carlos sends him at the question, the straw of his boba hanging out of his mouth. Now that they’ve figured a sort of rhythm out between them, they decided to try the boba place again—there have been no emergencies or disasters so far, so TK is counting it as a win.

“Come on,” he continues. “Last time we were here, you said we barely knew each other—which was true—so now we’re going to fix it.”

Carlos’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. “By telling each other our weirdest fears?”

“Exactly!” TK grins. “I’ll go first if you’re too chicken. Mine is slicing my hands open or cutting some fingers off with ice skates.”

“What?” Carlos breathes, disbelief all over his face. “I’ve never been ice skating but I’m pretty sure your hands aren’t supposed to go anywhere near the blades.”

“I didn’t say it was rational.” TK sips his boba, raising an eyebrow at Carlos. “Your turn.”

Carlos swallows, suddenly very interested in the table. “I, uh. When I was a kid, my Tía Lucy had a snake get into her pipes. She only discovered it when she went to the toilet one morning and it was just...sitting there in the bowl. I was terrified for years that the same would happen to us, and it’s kind of become a reflex to check.”

“Oh my god.” TK can’t help but burst out laughing, even though he feels bad for it as Carlos covers his face with his hands. “I’m sorry, I know it’s a real thing for you, I just…”

But Carlos’s shoulders are shaking too and, bizarrely, TK really does feel closer to him now.

It’s a good feeling.

xi. long-term commitments

Carlos is surprised when TK is the one to bring it up first.

“Do you ever think about the future?” he asks one day, head in Carlos’s lap, staring up at the ceiling.

Carlos pauses the show he’s technically supposed to be watching and quirks an eyebrow at his boyfriend. “Sure,” he says. “What about the future exactly?”

TK hesitates, and his voice comes out a lot quieter when he next speaks. “Like…” He sighs, a small flush rising on his cheeks. “The future. Our future. Us. Maybe...marriage, or…”

He trails off, practically whispering by the end of it. His gaze has shifted from the ceiling to the frozen TV screen and he’s chewing on his bottom lip, body stiff with tension. “Sorry,” he mutters. “Forget about it.”

But Carlos is learning to read TK, and he knows he was looking for reassurance. “I mean, yeah,” he says. “I think about it. Do you?”

TK stares up at him, wonder in his eyes. “After New York, I thought… But yeah. Yeah, I do.”

They share a smile as they lock eyes, and Carlos knows that they’re on the same page here. That, distant though they may be, both of them can hear wedding bells in their future.

[httpnxtt]

Meowstermind - Prentiss x Reader

A/N: Hello Lovelies!! I’m back with a new fic! This time it is for our girl Emily! I wrote this for my bby @lexieshuntingsstuff  for the latest Secret-Fic-Swap in Pom’s discord server! Big thankies to @imagining-in-the-margins and @sunlight-moonrise for helping me plan this and make it what it is today!

Emily Prentiss x Reader

Category: Angst/Fluff

Warnings: Hurt/Comfort

Word Count: 2k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Staring at the black luggage atop the once shared bed, I reach for the small pile of sweaters. A small black paw reaches to swat at me, the pile tumbling from my hand and onto the bed. Sergio looks at me with his big green eyes before curling himself atop the once neat pile. I nudge him to the side, trying to push through the packing. Sergio is a stubborn little guy, instead leaping into the luggage as if to tell me no. Laughing through some tears, I pick up the beautiful little guy, nuzzling my face into his fur while his purrs vibrate through him. 

“He really does love you.” Jumping in surprise from the voice in the doorway, I turn with Sergio to see Emily leaning in the doorway with tears in her own eyes. My throat tightens holding more tears back, opting to nuzzle back into the sweet boy in my arms. “You can keep your key, you know.” She whispers, coming toward me. Looking up at her, I see the heartbreak in her beautiful chocolate eyes staring back at me. I can’t tell if it’s actually her or if I’m projecting my own heartbreak onto her. 

“Are you sure?” I ask, Sergio pawing at me to give him more attention. 

“I’m rarely home anyway.” She says looking at the floor as I force a small laugh that ends up more of a nasally huff in agreement. “Sergio needs his human. Both of his humans.” She whispers, looking me in the eye. I feel the tears bubbling up, my throat tightening more. I turn back to my luggage, setting Sergio to the side of the case before Emily can see the tears fall. 

“Thank you.” I breathe out, my voice cracking from the emotions involuntarily pouring out. Footsteps shuffle toward the door, a brief silence before I hear the door close as the tears fall freely down my face. 

***

Stepping onto the elevator, I feel my heart plummet. Although it’s been weeks, I still think back to the time spent with Emily. The nights spent watching movies, the endless cuddles on the couch, and the whispered “I love you”s. As I step off the elevator, memories of Emily greeting me as the doors open come rushing back. The way she’d grab my hand, pull me towards her for an endless fit of kisses. The times we’d trip over our own feet fumbling down the hallway, giggles flowing through the short distance. 

As the doors open, the hallway is no longer filled with giggles and kisses. A melancholy feel floats through the air now. A reminder of everything that once was. Shuffling down the hall, I dig my key out of my pocket as I approach the doorway. Stepping inside, I’m hit with a burning smell. Rushing over to the kitchen, Emily is pulling something out of the oven with a perplexed look etched into her features. She throws the pan down on the counter. Looking up, our eyes meet as she tosses the oven mitt atop the pan. 

“H-hey, I wasn’t, uh, expecting you tonight.” She stuttered before smoothing her hands over the fabric of her dress. The dress. 

“Yeah, I uh,” I cough, suppressing the emotions attempting to bubble up. “I came to see Sergio. I didn’t think you’d be here.” I say as Sergio makes himself known, meowing at Emily in the kitchen. She bends down to pick up the sweet feline before making her way over to me as I set my belongings on the counter. I reach up to pet him between his ears as his purrs ring between us. I feel Emily’s eyes on me, my gaze cast to the floor. I slowly look up, taking in the striking appearance of the woman in front of me. “Wow.” I whisper. My eyes linger on the dress. The one I bought her to wear for our first anniversary. The one she made sure to wear every anniversary after that. “You look beautifu-” I compliment, reaching for her before a loud knock at the door interrupts. Emily’s eyes widen, looking between the door and I before going to set Sergio down. I put my hand out to stop her. “Don’t worry, I can get it.” I smile, seeing a slight panic in her eyes before making my way over to the door.

My hand grasps the knob, swinging the door open towards me. “Hello beau-” the man is cut off, taking in my appearance. He’s an attractive man. An attractive man with flowers in his hands. An attractive man with flowers at Emily’s apartment. 

“Uh, hi. Sorry. You’re looking for Emily. Come in.” I choke out, before moving from the doorway. I walk back to the counter, coming face to face with the wide-eyed woman staring at me. 

“Y/N, I can exp-” Emily starts, setting Sergio down on the couch, reaching out. I snatch my bag from the counter before rushing toward the door. As I pull the door open, Sergio brushes against my ankles trying to stop me from leaving yet again. Looking down at the feline, a single tear slips down my cheek. Turning to Emily, I see her standing at the counter in our dress as Emily’s guest stands feet away with the bouquet still in his hands. 

“Goodbye, Emily.”

***

Walking down the hallway, I force myself to stare at the door ahead. There’s no more reminiscing on what was, only what is. After the run-in with Emily’s date, I figured it was best to stay away for a while. But I missed that sweet feline something terrible. So, Emily and I agreed I could meet her when she wasn’t away on a case to pick up Sergio and take him to my new apartment for a few days before returning him. Essentially, we share custody of Sergio much like you would a human child. 

Walking up to the door, I lift my fist to the door to knock. I still have my key, Emily insisted I keep it. It felt… wrong. Knowing that these four walls were no longer my home, no matter how much my heart longed to return. Emily was no longer mine, and I had to accept that. Emotions try to bubble up, but I force to suppress them as the door swings open to reveal an exasperated Emily on the other side. 

“Y/N, hi. I was uh,” she stops, trying to catch her breath. “I was just trying to find Sergio but he seems to be avoiding me at all costs.” She breathes out as I see Sergio peek his head around the bedroom entrance, his bright green eyes reflecting in my own as Emily just squints and glares at the cat. I give a slight laugh as I move to set my stuff on the counter. 

“He seems to be on stealth mode right now.” I giggle, shuffling down the hall with Emily in tow behind me. As we push open the door, Sergio is sitting atop the comforter kneading into the fabric while purring as loud as a motor. He looks over at Emily and I, just staring. As Emily makes one small move toward the bed, Sergio bolts off the bed into the closet across the room. Emily looks to me with annoyance in her eyes as a smile works its way to my lips. She sneaks over to the closet, finding Sergio sitting in the middle of the floor. As she bends down to grasp the animal, he bolts through her hands and legs making a B-line for under the bed. He squirms his way to the center at the furthest part of the bed. A laugh escapes my throat as Emily walks back over to me, moving to lie on her stomach. As she kneels on the floor, she grasps my wrist to pull me down with her. 

As my knees hit the floor, Emily worms her way under the bed with only her waist down visible. I shuffle down, moving my way to lie beside her. Both our arms are outstretched trying to attract the feline who is simply staring at us with his bright eyes, and I could swear I saw a smile in his eyes. The longer this goes on, the more flustered Emily becomes, and the more giggles escape me. As the minutes pass, Emily works to attract Sergio, but my eyes are only on the woman beside me. Eventually, she rests her arms on the floor. Turning her head to look at me giggling before bursting into her own fit of giggles. Our cheeks brush against the carpet as we just stare at one another laughing. As it dies down, I’m left looking into Emily’s eyes. 

“Hey, um” she starts, looking down to clear her throat. “Do you just want to stay here tonight?” She asks, a look in her eye I can’t quite pinpoint. “I bet we can trap him tomorrow.” 

“He does have to come out sometime.” I smile, seeing the corners of her lips turn upward. She nods before moving to get out of the small space. As I squirm my way out, Emily has already disappeared. Walking down the hall, I drag my fingers across the drywall reminiscing on the time once spent here. Reaching the end, I lean my shoulder against the wall as Emily paces through the room, phone to ear. Her hair is up, but her bangs and wisps are flying in every direction. Even in ratty house clothes with her hair a mess, she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. As she hands up the call, she notices me standing here. 

“I ordered a pizza. I figured we could just watch some movies if you were up for it?” She questions, her shoulders tense as if she’s… nervous. I nod and smile, grabbing her hand and pull us toward the couch. 

Over the next few hours, it’s just us. We ate half the pizza as we watched our favorite movies. At some point, we stopped actually watching what was on the screen, lost in conversation with one another. “So,” I begin, not sure how to start. “How’s Andrew?” I ask, looking down to fiddle with my fingers. 

“I wouldn’t know.” she replies as I feel her eyes boring into me. 

“Oh.” I whisper, picking at the skin around my nails. 

“I didn’t actually want to go on that date.” She announces, placing her hands over my own. I look up at her with shock in my eyes. “I picked him because he is nothing like you. I thought that would make it easier.” I see a single tear fall down her cheek before she quickly wipes it away. “But the whole time, I still just wished it were you.” She whispers, cupping my cheek with her hand as I stare into her glossy eyes, tears pricking at my own. I lean into her hand before wrapping my arms around her. I bury my face into the crook of her neck as her arms wrap around my waist. As we lay there, I feel content. I feel blissful. I roll over to lay along the side of Emily, my hand draping over her stomach as Emily presses a kiss to the top of my head. 

As we settle back into a comfortable silence, focusing on the motions on the screen, our lovable feline hops up to Emily’s lap to curl into a ball. He tucks his paws beneath his body as he purrs like a motor. “Well look who came to the party.” I laugh.

“Well… I guess that means you could go home now.” Emily states. I look up at her in shock, seeing the sly smile play on her lips. I gently smack her chest before curling into her side, petting Sergio between his soft ears. 

“You’re gonna have to try harder than that to get rid of me now, Emily.” I smile against her. She wraps her arms around me tighter, our little mastermind curling himself between us as he stitched our little family back together with his tiny little paws. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CM Taglist:  @spencer-reid-in-a-pool​   @samanddeanstolethetardis221b​   @reidetic​ @sunlight-moonrise​ @prettyricky187 @itslatinamagia @calm-and-doctor ​ @vintagexparker

[nh20tensin]

Telling the AoT boys you love them for the first time.

⚠️There should be little too no spoilers⚠️

Mostly fluff

Gn reader

None of this is has been proof read

Ft. Levi Ackerman,Connie springer,Armin arlert

Levi Ackerman

We all know that this man is touch-starved so it was hard enough for him to let you even Remotely close in anyway

He would probably deny the fact that he care for you

He wouldn’t know that he loved you till  you said something about it

It was a cleaning day you decided to help Levi and his squad clean (this man forced you to clean)

You didn’t mind I mean as long as you were with him

You knew you loved him for some time,you just didn’t know how to tell him or in fear that he would hate you(who knows why he would) but you only thought about worst case scenarios

“Oí “

“.....”

“Oí”

“....”

“BRAT”

“Huh?”

“What the hell are you doing”

You gave him a confused look

He points down to your feet

You were sweeping with the dust collector facing the opposite way so that no dust is going into the pan

“Oh shit sorry”

“Just pick it up “Levi spoke

The rest of the day went by

It was dinner time you Decided to sit with eren,Armin,jean,and Connie

(The girls where training)

“Yo is she even listen to us “ a buzz-cut boy said

“ probably not” said Jean

Eren threw a small carrot at you

“😐”

“You were zoning out” a blonde boy said

“I’m not really myself right now....I’m going to go to bed”

They all nodded and told you goodnight and bye

On your way to your room you bumped into hange

“AHHH SORRY IM IN A RUSH” they said

“It’s alright are you ok?”

“I’m fin-“

They stoped talking you gave them a confused look

“Why’d you sto-“

They put a finger on over your mouth

5 mins pass the finger hasn’t left

“Sorry i thought I heard something ”

The finger moved

“Thought you where in a rush “you said as you walked hange followed

“Never mind that what’s up with you?”

“Nothing.............How do I tell someone I love them”

(Ofc you would eventually regret asking hange but desperate times call for desperate measures😪)

“oh”

“Oh” 

“OOHHH”

“YOU LOVE LEV-“

You cover their mouth

“Shut up or I will Carve ur eyes out”

Hange nodded

“Will if you really Want my opinion....just don’t make it a big deal”

“Why Not”

“You shouldn’t have to make it special ,anyway if you really do love him and just tell him “

Knowing Levi he would hate it if you made it a big deal so you took the advice and made up your mind

One week passed and you finally thought of the perfect way to tell him

You would make him his favorite tea(you aren’t allowed to make his tea considering you suck at it)

” what did you do” he said in a stern voice

You walk over to his desk and sigh

“ I have something to tell you and besides my tea skills aren’t that bad”

“ last time I drank it I ended up in bed for a week”

“I promise it’s better just trust me” 

He reluctantly put the cup to his mouth and drank

“I love you “you said

He almost sit out his tea he didn’t know what to say or do

How could someone so perfect love someone so....him

“What did you say” he said

You repeated yourself

You climbed in his lap

“I love you Levi Ackerman “

God he loved the way you said his name

He didn’t know what to say but what he did say broke your heart

“Why” he said in a voice below a whisper

“What do you mean why?”

His hand found his way to your waist his face hidden in the crook of your neck

“Why me ?”

You knew he could get insecure but it still hurt

“ Levi I knew from the minute I saw you that I would love you for the rest of my life and I don’t wanna rush you to say back to me because quite frankly I know how hard it is for you but I’m telling you now because this is how I feel you are the one for me no one else do you understand me please say you do”

All memories he thought he forgotten about his mother came flooding back in

And you could’ve sworn you felt a tear but when you looked there was nothing

He looked dead in your eyes and said

“I love you too” in a very soft voices he gave you a rare smile

You brought him in for a very long and meaningful kiss

“Hange Made the tea by the way “

“I know”

Connie springer

 A relationship with this man can be one of two things very fun and chaotic or more serious and loving

Which ever version you happen to be in it won’t matter because it will always be happy

“Hey Connie have you told y/n you love them yet”

He froze up and realized that he never actually told you though he was in love with you he just never thought about telling you because he thought you knew

“What’s it you you horse face”

“Nothing....it’s just The two of you have been dating for six months I’d start to feel a little self-conscious if you asked me”

“Well I didn’t so stop “

Jean and Sasha stay laughing

“CADETS IN LINE” Levi yelled

The next day

“Hey Armin if I hypothetically possibly maybe was in love with someone how would I tell them?”you said while looking at the ground

“ well it really just depends on the person and how far along in the relationship you are with them I can’t really help you how to tell them but I sure can encourage you”

You roll your eyes and sigh

“Thank anyways”

You walk back inside considering you were training outside with Armin(obviously beat him because you’re a bad ass)

You ran into Connie right now I’m going inside you both fell to the ground stared at each other and started laughing like you’ve never laughed before you were mainly laughing because you were nervous as hell to tell him you loved him he was laughing because he loves the smile that was on your face

you both helped each other get back up Connie looked at you and ask

“were you training”

“ depends what answer do you want to hear”

“....”

“....”

“Fine I was “you admit

“ it’s 11 at night”

“ and your point is”

” at the rate you’re going you’re going to end up dead by the time you’re 25”you said sarcastically

“ as if you’d be able to live without me though”

You froze didn’t know what to say or do you just nervously laughed it off and walked away

 he looked at a very confused but I thought you needed space considering you just got done training it was dark out you’re probably tired he thought

It’s around two in the morning you wake up something inside you just burst so you get up out of your room and find your way to Connie‘s room you knock fiercely

“ Open the door Baldy”you say sternly but in the soft voice

“ what are you doing it’s like two in the morning you should go to sleep “he said while opening the door

you force yourself into his room and sit down on his bed

He followed you confused on why you were here but he just stared at you not wanting to say anything basking in your beauty

“ Connie I’m about to say something that I might regret well not regret but do you know where I’m going with us”

“Huh”

“I love you “

his eyes shoot open he thought this has to be a dream right there’s no way that this is real

You pinch his arm so he knows he’s not dreaming

“ say it again”

He couldn’t help but smile so much that he felt like his face was gonna melt

At first he thought he was looking at you in disgusted minutes later it was a face of happiness and he was proud in his own kind away

“I L/N F/N AM IN LOVE WITH YOU CONNIE SPRINGER”

“ I love you too but you know I was supposed to tell you first”

“Oh?”

“ this whole thing with Jean and Sash and our relationship”

“It’s.a long story” 

He brought you in for a tight hug that ended up in a very intense make out session

The both of you woke up in his bed in the morning he looked at him and he woke up

“I love you”

“I love you”

You both said in unison and you ended up laughing you both really did love each other and it was a funny love story . 

Armin arlert

As smart as Armin is he has no idea what to do when it comes to a relationship

True he wants to give you all the love in the world but he’s clueless when it comes to things like that but he will know when he’s in love with you

He will go to Mikasa, Eren,hell even Levi if he will listen

“ listen kid I don’t know what to tell you all right do you love them just tell them I don’t see what’s wrong with it”Levi said while drinking tea

“ but sir it’s not that easy what if they doesn’t feel the same way”Armin spoke

Levi sighs not really knowing what to do

“ The two of you are dating right so of course they feel the same way”

“Damn kids and their commitment issues”he muttered under his breath

Armin saluted him before exiting the room

His mind was in 1000 different places having no idea what to say to you so we did the next best thing any person would

He ignored you

(Asshole)

He didn’t want to ignore you or make you feel bad he’s just caught up in his own brain to actually think about anything

It’s been a week since you guys last talk

“ i’m sure he doesn’t hate you he’s been ignoring us to” eren said

Mikasa nodded

“ it’s been a week did I do something wrong is he mad at me?”

“ even if he was he wouldn’t take it out on all of us at the same time” Mikasa stated

you take a deep breath and sigh

“ The both of us will try and figure out what’s happening OK can’t promise you like the answer though” eren said

“Ok...”

The both of them left the room

Little did you know Armin was listening in the whole conversation he wanted to make it up to you just didn’t know how

” I don’t hate them” armin said

Eren then said “ then why are you ignoring them and us they don’t deserve this”

Eren was pissed off because he knew how much you were hurting

“ seriously Armin there’s no need to lie you’re mad at her just tell them I’m sure they will understand besides you’re also ignoring us did we do anything?” The tall girl spoke

“I love them”

“😮” Mikasa and eren

They spent the rest of the day talking about his feelings and how he should make it up to you or more importantly tell you

“ just follow us it’s not a trap or anything”eren said (this bitch it was FYI)

Mikasa used her scarf to cover up her giggles

“ can I just sleep in peace”

“NO!”

You couldn’t really tell who said it as you saw Armin standing right in front of you

You turn around to see no one‘s behind you those bastards left the room before you could even check

“ look if you’re mad at me I don’t know what I did but I don’t really feel like talking anymore I just want to go to bed please”

“Wait now please I’m sorry i’ve had a lot on my mind I just needed time on my own”

“ and you couldn’t tell me or let me know not even Eren or Mikasa you’ve noticed all week do you know how bad I felt thinking that I did something wrong ”

There was a moment of silence you saw that look in his eyes the one that made you fall madly in love with him you couldn’t be mad at him you loved him and everything you were pissed about steered clear

“ I love you more than I probably should if you were anybody else I’d probably kill you right now”

He looked up from the ground he was staring at

“What “

it didn’t take him long to understand the situation

“I love you too in fact I love you more that’s what I’ve been thinking about all week and how to tell you”

You both ran to each other in a hug tears falling down his eyes making you want to cry as well you really did love each other

The next day

“ i’m guessing you finally told them” Levi said

“ yes Captain thank you for your advice” as he saluted him

“ don’t thank me you’re the one who grew a pair and finally told them”



[fromiftowhen]

The Rookie 3x06 Revelations Thoughts

THIS. EPISODE. I yelled a lot about it on Twitter already, but it was getting a bit much, so this is easier. I need to watch again for more coherent thoughts, but here we go. I'm going to try to go through the plot lines in the order that I cared about them, ranging from literally not at all (Nolan) to literally every fiber of my soul being on fire (Harper and Lucy and June.)

This got VERY long, so it’s behind a cut to save your dash. 

(TLDR? I LOVED this episode. My Chenford heart is happy, but my LUCY CHEN IS A BADASS, NYLA HARPER IS A BADASS, WOMEN RUN THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD HEART IS SOARING. SOARING. Read on for more.)

 First, to get the boring stuff out of the way. NOLAN. I AM SORRY. I get that this show wants me to care about its main character. And in the ways that he relates to Lucy and Jackson and Harper, I do. But I'm just entirely past the point of needing Nolan in separate plot lines. This episode, in particular, I could have done without his arc. Any time he interacts with Harper or Tim, I'm good. But that's because of Harper and Tim. This week he took time away from storylines I was MUCH more interested in, and I honestly didn't care. I know they use him to check in on current actual world events, but this show did that SO well with Jackson's story last week/etc. that this stuff with Nolan wasn't necessary this week.

 JACKSON AND HIS NEW LOVE INTEREST. As soon as they panned up to OFFICER ISAAC "A cop on a horse, yeah" YOUNG, I was like OH HELL, this is ON. I forgot about Sterling and then was like, "wait, he has a boyf.... wait, I DO NOT CARE" -- "You must've been looking in the wrong direction"/"Yeah, well, I am not now." And the scene at the end with the bikes! YES. Here for this. They IMMEDIATELY had more chemistry than Jackson and Sterling ever did, sorry. I hope he sticks around. Jackson finally getting a love interest who will (hopefully, presumably!) understand him as a cop and a person of color? NEED. IT.

 TIM BRADFORD AND BILLY RIGGINS MACK DANIELS. "YOU GET PRETTIER WITH AGE." (I am here for ALL references to this show understanding how beautiful Eric Winter is. ALL. OF. THEM.) Derek Phillips is a longstanding love of mine, and he just plays every minor role he's in so well. This storyline was heartbreaking and gave me SO many Tim (and Isabel!) feels. For some reason, even though I thought about this episode a million times over the last week, it NEVER occurred to me to think about Tim's reaction to the UC stuff as an extension of the Isabel storyline, which just... what in the world, self. That is clearly, if you've read my fic, one of my favorite of MANY aspects of Tim's character, and it just never occurred to me that it would play into this episode. So when he said Isabel's name, I had to compose myself. And how it played out, the multi-layered way it gave us a glimpse into Tim now and tied into his clear feelings about Lucy going UC, THIS is what this show does best. 

 When he administered the Narcan to Mack and did CPR, god, I HURT for him (and for Mack and his family) -- but TIM. He's been there. He's watched it tear his entire world apart, and the guilt he clearly still carries from that is just. Heart-wrenching. The scene at the end with Mack's wife and the scene with Sgt. Grey... so painfully good. The guilt. The honesty. Eric Winter is just knocking it 1000% out of the park every week this season. Honestly, I've loved many television characters with my whole heart, but maybe none more than I do Tim Bradford.

(Please know the restraint I’m showing by not writing one million words about Tim’s solo storyline and the Chenford of it all here. Trust me when I say I could have. But this episode ended up being SO MUCH MORE to me than what I thought it would be. I went in for WORRIED TIM and I got that! But in different ways than I thought, and SO MUCH BETTER.)

 TIM "GET CHANGED" BRADFORD PUT LUCY "YES, SIR" CHEN IN HANDCUFFS. WHILE ASKING IF SHE WAS OKAY. AND THEN HE TOLD HER SHE DID GOOD. "I kind of hoped that he would be proud of me... wow, that sounds stupid when I say it out loud." "I know she can. I trained her." Her little smile as he closed the shop door and the way he sort of hesitated before saying anything. It wasn't as much as I wanted it to be (but then again, will anything with these two EVER BE genuinely enough for me? Signs point to no), but it was still EVERYTHING.

 BE SCARED. BE WILD. BE UNPREDICTABLE. There are no words for how much the girl power part of this episode worked for me. From Tamara or asking Lucy for the interview to Lucy sneaking a peek in on Harper's presentation, the clear history that Harper and June have (which I want to know EVERYTHING about), to the end scene, which is one of my favorite things this show has EVER done.

 It ALL worked. I can't adequately express how much this Lucy storyline means to me. I could ramble for a thousand words about it, but to keep it somewhat coherent, I'm going to bullet point all of the moments that gave me every feeling. 

Harper’s look when she realized Lucy was listening. She wasn’t shocked at all. That was pride. 

June’s little glance at Harper as she told Lucy that if she wasn’t nervous, she wasn’t human. There are so many sides to Nyla Harper, and I think the soft,  caring side is one she hasn’t let everyone see. She shows it to Lucy (and Nolan) when needed, but I don’t know if June had seen it before that moment. And it was a lovely moment of all of them acknowledging in a safe way that what they do, what they were about to do, is dangerous, and nerves are natural, even if you’re badass and can push through them. 

“Nope. I just have a flair for the dramatic.” MY GIRL.

Harper’s WINK. I yell a LOT about how much I love Tim Bradford, but I could just as easily yell about Nyla Harper too. 

“Actually, my body does have magical powers, but.” YASSS, Harper. Queen. 

“I think fitting in is a trap.” This one sentence explains SO MUCH of who Lucy Chen is as a person, not just as a cop. “... as though empathy is somehow a liability.” 

“And there sure as hell isn’t anyone tougher.” Basically, every word of that last scene was pitch-perfect, Melissa’s delivery was flawless, and it gave me every feeling possible. 

 This show does a LOT of things right. This episode was so, so strong. I missed Lopez and Wesley because I love them, but I didn’t MISS them in terms of the storylines we got. A storyline for them would have been one too many for this week, and in a season that’s already felt overpacked, random storyline wise, it wasn’t needed. I would have loved to see Angela on the couch with everyone at the end, but it was perfect as it was. 

 I sincerely hope this show has started to realize what its strengths are --  bold, badass women (honestly, they’re ALL fantastic - Luna Grey, Isabel, Rosalind, Julie, Tamara -- and obviously all of the regulars) who CARE and who know that isn’t a weakness, Tim Bradford and his mile-long guilt complex and his relationship with all the other officers (especially Lucy and Harper, and now Jackson), Jackson’s ability to fit into whatever role they put him in (Titus is SO good), and multi-layered episodes like this. We don’t need wild, dramatic bombs or random meth lab explosions that don’t fit into an episode’s overall theme. We don’t need hours devoted to telling us that Nolan is the Good Guy. We just do not. This show has come so much further than that, and I know it can continue to be JUST as good if it focuses on everything it already does so, so well. 

[marlahey]

under the same roof part three: all the time you need

a harry styles rpf part three of six written by annie and aj (marlahey and formerly harryonstage) ratings/warnings: disaster gays, endangered ovaries from dad!harry, women aggressively supporting women notes: enter the rest of harry’s family unit! in case anyone’s curious, annie tells sylvia to give her dad a kiss in vietnamese, to which he responds, good girl. before anyone comes for me, there will be plenty more opportunities for bed-sharing to come. side note: aj always pictured olivia coleman as officer warren.  masterlist | part one | part two | part four (21.12.20)

............................................... • saturday, 5th january 9:18 am • The second time you’re roused from sleep, sunlight illuminates Harry’s room. You lift your head, squinting, but more quickly you recognize where you are.

Harry is nowhere in sight, but a fresh glass of water is within reach on the nightstand, and a cardigan knitted with primary-colored patches lies folded at the foot of the bed. After slipping your arms through the loose sleeves, you take a few gulps of water and make sure to shut his bedroom door quietly on your way out. You hadn’t spent much time in the living room as per Officer Warren’s instructions to avoid the windows, but you can see into it from the hall. And since there’s still no sign of Harry, you take a minute to discreetly look around at the place he and his daughter call home. His flat is obviously larger than yours—he has two bedrooms versus one—but the morning light seems to stretch the space even further, like an open armed welcome. The atmosphere bustles with a little dose of chaos. Two brimming bookshelves span one wall of the living room, and plants line the windowsills. A half-sized Christmas tree stands off in the corner, wrapped in twinkly lights and strings of popcorn. A white fender guitar decorated with various stickers stands with a speaker beside the couch, and records tile the wall behind it: Pink Floyd, Fleetwood Mac, The Stones, The Cars, Hello I’m Dolly.  There is ample evidence that a child lives here, too. The walls are dotted with drawings in watercolor, crayon, and sparkles. You can see pieces of Lego strewn out on the carpet; they must be from that towering box Harry had towed into the lift a week before Christmas. A small smile tugs at your lips as you follow the smell of espresso into the kitchen. You find Harry leaning against the counter looking contemplative, holding aloft a cup of coffee that he seems to have forgotten about. He’s wearing the same shirt he’d slept in, but thrown on a pair of joggers. You bid a quiet, “Good morning.” He inhales sharply as his head whips toward you, his drink sloshing over the edge of his mug slightly. “Jesus, sorry,” he laughs softly, shaking his head at himself. You watch as he wets a dishrag and cleans the small mess. “Not really used to company my age.” “Oh… Sorry.” “S’alright.” His voice is covered in sleep; it almost sounds like he has a cold. “Coffee?” You hum appreciatively. “Love some.” “Were you able to get some sleep?” he asks, pulling a mug from the cabinet. “Enough, yeah.” All you can think about is waking up locked in his embrace, on the still-dark cusp of sunrise. “Thank you for letting me, um…” “Course. Cream?” “That’s great, thanks.” Harry nods over his shoulder towards the bedroom. “It help at all?” How are you supposed to answer that? “The real bed?” he clarifies, like it is at all necessary.  You listen to the spoon clink rhythmically against the ceramic, and settle on “I think so,” as noncommittally as possible. “How did you sleep?” “Very well.” In passing you your mug, Harry catches your eyes for the first time today in a way that feels like not an accident. “More importantly, how are you feeling about everything else?” You shrug, eyes glued to the cream swirling in your coffee. “Better, a little.” “That’s good.” “What about you?” you ask. “You’ve kinda been through the wringer, yourself.” “I’m good, yeah.” Harry pushes up his glasses. “I was thinking—if you don’t mind—I’d like to come with you to the police department this morning.”  “No, no, Harry.” You wave away the offer. “Don’t worry about that.” “No, really. It might make more sense. I saw him in the hall last night, and I was with you in the lift. They might need to ask some questions of both of us.” You consider this a moment. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to.” “I don’t have to,” Harry counters. “I want to. I want you to, y’know… ” he trails off. “I want them to get this guy.” You blink at him. There’s a strange feeling in knowing that Harry has clearly thought about your wellbeing beyond the night that you’ve effectively been trapped in his flat. Regardless, it’s too early for a battle of wills, and he has a point. You slouch against the fridge. “Alright. Well… I still have India’s car so I can drive us,” you concede. A smile lights Harry’s face. Suddenly your stomach rumbles so powerfully and for so long that it interrupts the conversation. You cover a small, mortified laugh with both hands as Harry’s eyebrows raise. “Well,” he begins, exaggerated. “Let’s take care of that… You take the first turn in the bathroom, I’ll fix us some breakfast.” “You sure?” “Go ahead.” He grabs a skillet from the drying rack, turning on one of the burners. “Thank you, Harry.” “It’s no problem.” You wash your face with something you find above the sink and brush your teeth on auto-pilot before considering your bundle of clothes from the night before. Your cardigan lays at the top of the stack. Four of your fingers fit through the gaping hole in its collar, and dirt covers one of the sleeves. You hadn’t forgotten about the shape it was in last night, but you didn’t consider it a problem until now, as you hold it up in front of you by the shoulders, frowning. You try to tame your hair with a purple, sparkly brush to no avail, so you take a quick look around to see if Sylvia has any spare barrettes or pins. Thankfully there’s a single hair tie floating in the bottom of your purse. You shrug back into Harry’s patchwork sweater—oddly comforting in how fully it swallows your shoulders and hands—and slip back out to the kitchen, where Harry plates grilled tomatoes and bacon. “We’re about ready to eat.” Harry turns the stovetop down to a simmer as the toaster pops. “How do you take your eggs?” “Sunny side up, please.”  He salutes you with his spatula, attention already returned to the pan.  “Can I help with anything?” Harry nods to a drawer. “Yeah can you pass us a couple napkins from just there? I’ll be right back,” he rushes, already halfway out of the kitchen. You pull a few paper napkins from their packet as he returns with two chairs that you recognize from his small wicker table. “Blinds are open in the other room, thought it might be best if we just eat in here.” He sets the chairs apart, facing one another. “Now this is living,” you deadpan. Harry laughs lightly as he gestures for you to sit. The two of you get adjusted with your plates on your lap, and your knees almost bump in the small space. “This is great, Harry. Thank you.”  “I’d make you bubble and squeak, too, but we’re fresh out and Sylvia hates beans so we don’t keep them on hand. So technically...” Harry lowers his voice to a whisper. “S’not a full English fry up.” You can only smile around your mouthful, unexpectedly endeared. The rest of breakfast passes in silence. You shouldn’t have slept on an empty stomach; you’re ravenous from skipping a meal last night.  He looks up at you eventually, a touch more serious than before. “Shall we think about heading to the police station soon?”  You dab your mouth with your napkin and nod. Harry stands from his chair and reaches an open hand down to you for your plate. “No, no,” you nudge him away with your elbow. “You cooked, I’ll clean.”  “Let me deal with these. You’re a guest.” “I’m a captive.” “No you’re not! You’re—” He breaks off, hesitating a moment before plunging on with an amused slant to his lips. “You’re my sort-of friend.” Your assumption he hadn’t overheard that comment to your mother last night on the phone was clearly in vain. You press your lips together against any inadvertent reaction. Your head swivels toward him, eyes full of lighthearted reproach. “Look, just let me do the dishes to give myself the illusion that I’m not just a freeloader here. Besides, I’m already ready to go.” "Fine,” he caves disapprovingly. “I’ll get myself sorted and be out in a minute.” “Take your time.” While Harry is preoccupied, you finish slotting the clean plates from breakfast carefully into the drying rack and pull out your phone to message India. Hey, I have a lot to update you on but it’ll be much easier to explain in person. I still have your car and I need it for one thing this morning but I promise I’ll fill the tank ASAP. It’s about the guy that’s been following me. Just know that I’m safe and everything’s okay. I’ll call you when I can. Love you. Send. That’ll have to do for now. Harry returns in jeans and a sweater. It’s still strange to see him so dressed down. “Ready?” he asks. “Yeah. You mind if I wear this to the police station?” you ask, pinching the fabric of his cardigan. You feel the urge to explain yourself—the hole in your sweater, the grime—but Harry’s already shaking his head. “Not at all. Do you maybe want something a little less… loud? I don’t even wear that one out, myself, really.”  You consider the bright cacophony of color like it’s brand new to your eyes. Loud is right. “Yeah, that’s not a terrible idea.”  Harry’s lips twitch. “C’mon then. You’re welcome to pick anything you’d like.” Pick? You nod because you’re worried the surprise is painted on your face. “Okay.” Harry leads you to his bedroom again, and over to the large wooden wardrobe.  He pulls the double doors open and you cannot help yourself from gawking a little. You’re taken by all the exquisite patterns and intricate textures of the suits, but it’s oddly wistful to run your fingertips along all of them hung in a row. You smile privately, a bit removed. “What?” Harry laughs from behind you. “Nothing!” you reply, glancing over your shoulder before saying more softly, “I just recognize some of these.” “Oh, thought you were sizing them up. My mates all take the piss… They say my suits are eccentric.” He rolls his eyes, reciting the insult like he’s quoting their words verbatim. You turn back around to his closet. “I think they look nice—I think you look nice in them.” You take a step back and crane your neck to the shelf of folded sweaters above the hanging rod. The extensive array of muted wool and cotton is a bit overwhelming. You spot the planet sweater he’d worn the first time you saw Sylvia, the oversized yellow one that reminded you of Charlie Brown, the black one with half a red heart and the letters, NY in bold white text… It takes a minute of jogging your memory before you can recall him wearing something more plain. Harry doesn’t own a lot of plain. You still can’t quite reach the shelf up on your tiptoes, but Harry is at your side immediately. “The brown?” He tugs it from the stacks and passes it down. “Yeah, thanks.” You examine the camel colored fabric with tiny flecks of black thread, and run your hand along the smooth purl. “This should do.” You tug the sweater over your head; it’s boxy, your arms aren’t long enough to fit, and it isn’t doing any favors for your shoulders. You have to roll the sleeves up past your wrists before the outfit can half pass as something you purposely wore out of the house. You spin around to face him. “Does it look normal?” Harry’s jaw flexes as he gives you the up-down. You fiddle with one of the sleeves. “Yeah,” Harry says stiffly. “Looks normal.” It’s bizarre walking through the level six hallway; it’s identical to your own, but the last time you’d been here, everything down to the carpet and light fixtures had been tainted by your deafening fear. What’s more is that riding down in the lift with Harry feels entirely different now. You see it all from his perspective, and try to visualize what you look like to him most mornings, standing in the corner with your school bag and a book tucked beneath your arm. The lift picks up a few people on its way down, but by the time it reaches the garage, you and Harry are alone. You catch his eyes in the reflection of the doors a second before they open. He clears his throat. “I know it’s probably… we’ll be fine, but stay close, yeah?” You look up at him and nod. It’s easy to keep to your word. Harry guides you to walk in front of him the entire way as your eyes scan the shadows in between the rows of cars. You’re sure you will never be able to see this garage quite the same way. “It’s the old Volkswagen.” “I see it.” You’re so out of it that you almost try to get in on the passenger side. It’s the kind of slip up that Harry might have teased you about, but he’s quiet and looking around, too. You pull the jacket you’d left on the seat last night into your lap, the two of you strap in, and you cannot pull out into the street fast enough. The mustard yellow envelope in the back seat is an unwelcome passenger, visible in your rearview mirror.  Who else knew about these photos? How many are there that weren’t in your envelope? Are they online somewhere? Would they follow you to law school? Your grip tightens on the steering wheel as you grind your teeth. “Alright?” Harry asks. His voice brings you back down to earth. He’d asked you that question when you pricked your finger on the poppy in your jacket pocket. He’d asked you in his bed on the most terrifying night of your life. And he’s asking you now. You nod. “I will be.” • saturday, 5th january 10:42 am • In the parking lot behind Lavender Hill Police Station, you’ve killed the engine but remain in your seat. Part of you is still reluctant to have Harry come along; keeping your composure in front of the police feels hard enough without the prospect of him being there, too, but maybe that’s the one thing that will get you through this. “Sorry.” You shake your head, suddenly aware of how long you’ve been sitting motionless at the wheel. Harry’s gaze is unperturbed. He watches you push anxiously at the sleeves of his sweater. “Take all the time you need.” It’s the same phrase the initial officer who’d taken your statement all those weeks ago had used. It’s what Officer Warren had said to you on the phone last night, and you’re so tired of hearing it. You don’t want to have as much time as you need to feel calm or steady or normal again. You want your time back. You want to reclaim all those extra seconds spent checking over your shoulder, the minutes lost to changing your routes, and the hours spent staring up at the ceiling when you should have been asleep. Rationally, you know that there will be time to relearn how to walk down the street and feel at ease, and plan that trip to Brighton you and India have been talking about for months. There will be time with Harry that isn’t this… stuck in a cramped space, crushed by the weight of your own fear. You hate the way you felt with him in the lift this morning; you want that back most of all. “Faster we get in there,” you say—half to Harry, half to yourself, “the faster we’ll get to leave.” Harry nods. “C’mon then.” The heather grey of the building is no less intimidating than it was in October, but at least this time you don’t have to pull the heavy glass doors open on your own. Inside, you speak with the woman at reception, who gestures for you to sit in a small waiting area just beyond the desk. People in uniform bustle back and forth. Harry’s leg brushes against yours as you sit. He doesn’t move. Neither do you. You have no sense of how long you sit waiting—this doesn’t feel like a place where it’s appropriate to play Solitaire on your phone. You can feel Harry looking at you periodically, but you don’t glance back until a woman with a familiar voice appears before you. She ushers you to follow with a quick, professional smile. Harry doesn’t quite offer the same, but you’re reassured anyway. “I’m Officer Warren.” She stops at a desk with an empty chair beside it. You take care to shake her hand firmly, introducing yourself with all the confidence you can scrap together. “Are you comfortable sitting here?” “Yes, this is fine.” If either Harry or Officer Warren notice your voice is an octave higher, neither of them make any sign. “Good.” She reaches past you to shake Harry’s hand too. “Harry.” “Nice to meet you both. We can also find a conference room, if you’d like somewhere more private, or if you’d both like to sit.” Harry speaks up when you don’t right away. “I’m fine standing.” He looks exactly as he had in the car—calm and willing to take your lead, so you sit before you can change your mind. Officer Warren smiles again, clearly trying to put you at ease. You wish it was more effective. “Right, well I won’t take up too much of your time. Since I took your statement last night, I’ve already got a copy of the transcript from our conversation over the phone, and you won’t need to go over all of that again.” Your shoulders cave a little in relief. Harry’s fingers hook gently over the top of your chair. “Okay.” “But,” she continues, “there is the matter of how to proceed. What we talked about regarding your flat still stands… it really isn’t safe for you to remain there, especially since the suspect seems to know which one is yours, and we still don’t have a clear idea of where he is now, or how he was able to access the car park in your building in the first place.” “So…” You shake your head, in either confusion or denial. “I can’t even go home?” “I’m afraid not, for the time being.” Her eyes are soft, regretful. “Not if he knows where you live. Not if there’s a chance he could get more photographs, or try to break in again.” Your stomach twists. “Were you able to figure out who he is?” You’re not even sure you want to know. Officer Warren’s mouth pinches apologetically. “Not yet. We have a couple technicians working on the security footage and the photos you’ve turned in, so hopefully we’ll be able to get something from them. The car he was driving had no plates. You haven’t seen any sign of him since we spoke last?” You shake your head, and she glances up at Harry as if to confirm. “Alright, that’s a good sign at least. He knows we’re watching, now. On the other hand, there’s a chance he’ll carry on, but be stealthier about it. Is it possible for you to physically stay inside, completely out of sight for let’s say, a week?” “I mean… where?” “Do you have somewhere else you can stay for the time being? With a friend?” You open your mouth, but the “Yes,” is not your own. You force yourself not to turn back to look at him; Harry’s fingers touch your shoulder again. “Yes, she does. She can stay with me. We live in the same building after all, so it’ll hardly be disruptive.” Officer Warren gives him a long look. You can’t tell if she approves or is displeased with him for speaking for you, but now that the initial shock has worn off, gratitude washes over you. Asking India to stay with her indefinitely would have been out of the question; there’s no way you’re endangering your best friend any more than you already have. You’d be putting her in a position where she couldn’t say no. She has four roommates. She doesn’t even know about the photos yet.  “That works,” you hear yourself say. This will only be for a few days, you reason—it’ll buy you just enough time to find your feet. By then, you can sort out a longer-term place to stay if the police still haven’t found the man. Officer Warren is speaking again, and it takes effort to actively refocus on the conversation. “The objective here is to make it seem as though you’re gone. On holiday. He’ll be keeping an eye on the building, no doubt, so he’ll notice if the car is gone, or your flat is empty. Is there any way you can take your classes remotely?” You find you can barely speak, so you just nod instead.  She leans in a little, her eyes finding yours more carefully. “I know it’s frightening, but you’ve been incredibly strong. This won’t be forever. In the meantime, we can send an officer back with you this afternoon so you can gather a few of your things.” You nod again. “Do you have any questions for me?” You force yourself to say, “No, thank you,” which Harry echoes. Officer Warren nods, almost perfunctorily, and stands. “If you wait here just a minute, I’ll introduce you to the officer who’ll take you back to your flat. You’ll be in an unmarked car, and we can arrange for yours to be retrieved.” “Thank you. I’ll call my friend now,” you say. “Maybe she can… I'll have to ask her to look after my cat. And it’s her car, anyway.” Officer Warren nods, apparently satisfied.  You shake her hand again, though your mind is stuck on this won’t be forever. As you rise from the chair, you feel the gentle pressure of Harry’s hand on the small of your back. When Officer Warren returns with another uniformed policeman, you don’t want to move, but your legs carry you anyway. Harry’s gaze finds the side of your face periodically like a lighthouse beam while you call India from the backseat of the police car. After reassuring her again that you’re fine, you gloss over the details of staying in Harry’s flat. You can tell even in her silence that she’s not going to let you off the hook that easily, so you start rambling about what to do with Chowder before she gets the chance to say something embarrassing while Harry is sitting right there. “Of course I’m taking Chowder,” she says before you get the chance to phrase the question. “Don’t even worry about it. I’ll get in a cab right now. Do you need help packing up?” “Yeah sure, thank you. But what about your car?” “I’ll take the keys from you and get it after. Honestly, it’s fine. It’s not like it’s gonna get stolen from the bloody police station.” It’s a stupid joke but you’re comforted a little anyway. “Okay.” “Be there soon. I love you.” “Love you too.” Harry glances over at you. “Everything okay?” “Yeah.” You smile a little and for the first time in ages, it doesn’t feel forced. “She’s gonna meet us at home and take Chowder for me.” “That’s great.” “I know,” you reply, a little distant. “Harry, thank you for coming with me… It was nice not to have to, y’know, do that alone.” “That’s alright.” His voice is equally gentle. “We’re gonna… They’re gonna find him. And they’re gonna fix this, and then everything’s gonna go back to normal.” You aren’t sure which of you he’s trying to reassure, but Harry meets your eyes and you nod. Back at your building, you meet up with India. “Think I might just pop home, if that’s alright,” Harry says, going in for the sixth-floor button on the keypad. “I told Annie a bit about what’s going on, but I owe her an update.” “Of course.” You look up at him in the reflection of the doors. “We’ll see you down there.” It’s your first time seeing the dent and scratches on the door to your flat in person. You shiver, turn the key, and push the door open.  “Chowder!” you shout as a flash of orange darts through your legs, meowing down the hall. The officer’s hand lands reflexively on his baton as your cat scares all three of you half to death. Once you manage to corral your cat back to your corner of the hallway, you struggle to keep him still in your arms. “Indy, his crate is under my bed—” “Hold off a minute, I’m going to do a quick walkthrough. I’m sure everything’s fine, but wait out here.” The officer leaves the door cracked open behind him. India offers a small, encouraging smile when you flinch at the sound of him announcing himself in your apartment. You stroke between Chowder’s ears; he is heavy and warm in your arms, and his fur sticks uncomfortably to the sweat on your palms. “All clear.” The officer reappears. “Let’s try to be quick about this.” India immediately ducks through the door following him, but you have to take a deep breath before stepping through the threshold. The place looks completely untouched. Had you been expecting company, perhaps you would have thought to clear the dishes from the sink or remove your laundry from the drying rack. After coercing an unusually talkative Chowder into his travel crate, you and India work as a team to stuff as much into your duffel bag as will fit. Shirts, bras, and pants hurtle past your head. “Indy, I’m staying at a neighbor’s for a few days—what on earth am I going to need this for?” You hold up the silk, strappy dress that just landed on your neatly-folded stacks, shooting her a disapproving look. “I’m just grabbing and throwing!” “Well just, y’know… let’s make sure we’re not speeding through this at the expense of packing with a little common sense.” “I’ve got this,” India says, waving down at the open duffel. “Go sort whatever toiletries you need, yeah?” Thankfully you’ve stayed overnight at her place enough times to warrant a travel case of essentials that lives under your bathroom sink. There’s makeup cluttered all over the counter. You stare at it a moment before rolling your eyes at yourself. “We should probably get going.” The officer’s voice from the other room startles you both as India zips up your duffel. “Are you two about ready?”  As you stick your head out of your bedroom, the officer is peeking through the blinds across the street. “Yes,” you reply. “We are.” Overnight bag and Chowder in tow, you clamber back onto the lift. “Did you get your toothbrush?” “Yes.” “Face wash?” “Yes.” “Pillow?” “Indy, you saw me putting it in—” “Towel?” “Yes.” “Phone charger?” “… Shit.” Ding. The officer steps out with you on the sixth floor as you thank him, and bid a quick goodbye once he reassures you to call if you need anything or, of course, if anything happens. India turns to face you next. “He’s this way.” You nod down the hall, and she leads. “It’s right at the end. The one with the wreath.” The doors of the lift close. You don’t want to think about the last time you’d been walking down this corridor and heard that sound from behind you. India moves aside holding Chowder’s crate by the handle, and the shopping bag full of his supplies as you step up to the welcome mat with your things. Harry swings open the door to his apartment after the second knock, immediately taking the duffel bag from off of your shoulder. “Oh, Harry, you don’t have to—” “I got it.” India elbows you in the ribs. Harry turns to carry your bag to Sylvia's room, and when you look behind at her, her eyebrows are raised above an animated smirk. “Don’t,” you whisper through gritted teeth. She raises a hand in defense as Harry returns before reaching out to accept his offered hand. “Hello, I’m India.” “Harry.”  “Pleasure.” He flashes her a warm smile. She nods appreciatively as they shake hands—at you, however, instead of Harry and your cheeks ignite. “Okay great. That’s settled then. Shall we—um… Indy?” You cut in, then turn to her, nodding to the door with I’m going to kill you in your eyes. “Lovely to meet you, Harry!” “Cheers, dear. You as well.” Harry’s attention returns to you for a moment. “I’ll just be…” He gestures vaguely to the kitchen. You step out into the hall with India. Chowder meows from the crate in her arms and she almost drops him. “What,” you hiss, “was that?”  She ignores your tone, then says your name like it’s a plea. “Call me if you need absolutely anything, or text me—no matter what time it is. I’ll drop everything and come straight to you.” “I’m sleeping two floors below where I usually do, Indy, I’m not dying.” “I know, I know… How’s a Skype dinner tomorrow night? I’ll order us a take away.” “Definitely.” You wish you could squeeze her in another tight hug, but Chowder’s crate impedes you. “Thank you.” “Love you, babe.” “Love you too.” She looks unsatisfied. “It’s going to be fine, I promise. Text me when we’re eating, okay?” You begin to walk backward into Harry’s apartment and blow her a kiss. “I will… Bye!” “Please don’t kill my cat!” You lean on the door frame, watching India’s silhouette shrink as she heads back down the hall to the lift with Chowder. You sigh and close the door, but as you turn around, your hand rushes to your chest in a gasp; Harry is standing just behind you, rubbing his face. “So I’ve just rung Annie while you were upstairs… ” He steps aside to give you a clear path through the hallway. “Oh?” “I’m sorry—they’re just coming,” he rushes, sounding a little panicked as you step into Sylvia's room. You set your phone and laptop down with the rest of your things. “They insisted ‘cause they’ve got a spare mattress, and I told them you needed a place to crash for a bit and also that you stayed here last night so… yeah. You don’t have to be here for that. When they come—oh, and they probably have Sylvia, too, if that’s… ” Harry trails off.” “Wait, I’m sorry.” You close your eyes and shake your head. “Annie? You mean—” “Sylvia’s mum, yeah, and um… her fiancé, AJ.” Harry tilts his head down, as if to gauge your reaction. “And they want to give… they have a spare mattress? But you already have a mattress.” “That’s what I said!” Harry gestures wildly. It must have been a lively phone call. “Oh, well that’s… awfully kind of them,” you begin, trying to keep up. “Would it be easier if I wasn’t—” “No.” He’s clearly surprised at his own volume as he cuts you off. Harry literally leans back, hesitating. “I mean… stay. They’d love to meet you. They’re my family and you’re…” His eyes flit back to yours and hang on. “You’re obviously gonna to be staying here a bit, and they drop by all the time so I jus’ don’t wanna overwhelm you, is all.” Suddenly, it’s your turn struggling to look at him. “Well, I—” “H, open the door! This is heavy!” a voice bellows from beyond the front door. Harry’s eyes shut momentarily. “Coming!” he calls. You stand there, in the doorway to Sylvia’s room, stunned at the pace with which this is all unfolding. Harry jogs to the door. You poke your head out as an explosion of noise disrupts what had before been so peaceful. A child’s high-pitched shriek rips through the flat, followed by a long, labored groan from Harry as Sylvia barrels into his arms and he crouches down to lift her. “How’s Daddy’s girl?” he greets. Sylvia simply continues screaming and tries to bend over backward out of his arms. “Hi, Harry.” A striking woman with jet-black hair waltzes in, carrying a large dish of food wrapped in tin foil, seemingly unphased. Harry shifts Sylvia to one arm, bending over to greet her in a side hug and quick kiss to the cheek. “Hi, love.” What appears to be a twin sized mattress with twig legs follows in suit, grunting softly. “Still heavy.” “Right, sorry.” Harry hands Sylvia off to who you assume is Annie as he hurries to take the mattress, revealing a second, much taller woman with sunglasses atop her blonde head of hair. She’s wearing red lipstick and bright suede pumps. “There we go,” she sighs. “I need a fag.” Harry almost takes out a light fixture as he hauls the bed. You press yourself up against the wall as he offers a quick, “S’cuse me,” and passes you to Sylvia's room. The two women look at you as simultaneous smiles light their faces. “Hi!” “Hello!” Sylvia waves at you, too. “Guess this one doesn’t need an introduction,” the dark-haired woman laughs, approaching with a hand extended. You notice that she’s the one wearing the ring. “I’m Annie.” “It’s great to meet you, Harry has spoken so highly of both of you.” You turn to the other woman after introducing yourself. “AJ.” One corner of her mouth quirks up. “It’s a pleasure.” “Thank you so much for the mattress, ” you begin, wringing your hands. “It seems like everyone’s done so much to help me in the past few days… It’s really meant a lot.” AJ tilts her head to look at you with a more meaningful gaze, and Annie steps forward to rest a hand on your forearm. “Harry hasn’t gone into a terrible amount of detail but… we’re so, awfully sorry for what’s happened to you.” She squeezes gently, her fingers in the crook of your elbow. The strange familiarity of the gesture disarms you. “I can’t imagine what you must be going through, and with your family so far away—I just… we heard about what was going on, and that was it. We had to help.” You nod and suddenly have trouble swallowing. There’s just something different about discussing this with women. “Harry’s air mattress,” AJ chips in, sardonic, “belongs in an incinerator.” “Hey!” His voice comes muted from the open door of Sylvia’s bedroom. Now that you’ve seen the both of them together up close, you realize how wrong you were in thinking that Sylvia only took after her father. Annie’s features are evident in her daughter’s deep, brown eyes, her nose, and the high angles of her cheeks.  “Well,” Annie starts, raising her eyebrows at everyone, “we’re obviously feeding you.” You laugh in disbelief. “No you’re not!” “We are!” She smiles as she sets Sylvia down, who weaves through everyone’s legs to her bedroom. “And relax, it’s already cooked so there’s no use in turning it down.” AJ pulls you in for a side hug, which you were grossly unprepared for. “Thank… you.” In your bewilderment, it’s all you can manage to say as Annie removes the tin foil from a full pan’s helping of chicken and vegetables. “Isn’t this supposed to be tomorrow’s roast? The Sunday roast?” Harry appears in the kitchen with Sylvia on his hip. He frowns, poking his head over Annie’s shoulder as she preheats the oven. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she replies. They lock eyes. Something tender passes between them; part of you feels like you should look away. “Annie… ” Harry says, softer now. “You didn’t have to do all this.” She ignores him, setting the timer on the oven as AJ slides a small mountain of tupperware into the fridge. The kettle starts to scream. You hadn’t realized someone started tea. You’re not sure what to do besides stand by the sink and stare. AJ rushes over to fill four steaming mugs, portioning different amounts of cream and honey into each. She turns to the few stray dishes in the sink, beginning to wash. “AJ, stop tha—” “Harry, relax would you?” She whips his leg with a dish towel and he relents. “Why is she staying in my room?” Sylvia pipes up from Harry’s arms. He looks across the kitchen at you, and then down to her. “Well see, bug, Daddy’s got a friend who’s gonna stay here for a little while.” Harry points at you and twists so she has a better view. You wave your fingers at her, and Harry asks Sylvia if she can say your name, but she simply buries her face into his sweater. “Like a slumber party?” “Um—” Harry falters. “Sort of, but not quite.” “It’s a grown-up slumber party?” AJ chokes on her tea. The tips of Harry’s ears go crimson.  “Honey, it’s like when Auntie Kristen comes over to Mummy and Mum’s to stay on holiday,” Annie salvages. Harry’s shoulders visibly relax.  Sylvia tugs at the collar of Harry’s sweater. “How long?” she begs. Your heart falls. “‘M not sure, Vi.” Harry moves some hair from her face as she pouts, then kisses her forehead. “Not forever.” “This’ll be good for you, Harry. You need more friends.” Annie pinches Harry’s side before turning to you with a smirk. “Maybe you can finally start hanging out with people your own age.” You shrug to play along, pursing your lips against a smile. “I mean… ” “Harry doesn’t go out much.” Annie’s comedic whisper fills the room as she carries your tea over to you. “Neither do you!” Harry retorts, frowning playfully over his shoulder, attempting to smack her; she narrowly dodges. “Yeah, just the one time,” AJ deadpans, pointing between them and then nodding to Sylvia. “Jesus Christ,” Harry breathes before they break into laughter. You can’t help but join in. Sylvia’s head swings from parent to parent, smiling in oblivious delight. “Alright, alright,” Annie wipes a tear from the corner of her eye. “Just leave the roast in there until you’re ready to eat. We should get going soon.” “Have you got sheets that fit the bed?” Harry asks, bouncing Sylvia on his hip. “Right!” Annie’s eyes go wide. She turns to AJ, “Darling, you mind popping down to the car to get those?” “Since I already hauled up the mattress, am I allowed to play the gender card?” AJ throws eyes at Harry. “Hands are full,” he replies cheerfully. He holds one of Sylvia’s arms up to wave. “Fine,” she relents, plucking the keys from Annie’s back pocket. “Thank you!” Annie calls after her. AJ simply waves a hand behind her head. “Promise I’ll make it worth your while later!” AJ begins to walk faster. Harry shoots Annie a jokingly scandalized look with a hand covering his gaping mouth. She squints at him and rolls her eyes. He puts Sylvia down, whispering in her ear as he points to the miniature arts and crafts table in the living room.  Sylvia takes a seat on the colorful stool, her tiny features already pinched in concentration as she finds a crayon and begins to draw. Harry crouches at her side, watching her for a moment before kissing the top of her head. He breezes past you before you hear the bathroom door lock shut and now it’s just you and Annie alone together. “I love Harry, but he’s a man and he doesn’t know anything.” You shouldn’t laugh, but you do. “We live ten minutes away. If you need anything at all—anything, I mean it, please call us. Mine and AJ’s mobile numbers are both on the fridge.” “Thank you, Annie.” She hesitates, playing absently with the tag of her tea bag before nodding to the living room. “Let’s sit.” You have a seat on the couch; Annie takes the small leather armchair on the other side of the coffee table. Her eyes are warm. You see a flash of that expression that had passed between her and Harry. “He is a good man.” Annie’s voice is so low, it’s almost a whisper. “One of the best I’ve ever met… You’re in good hands, I promise.” There isn’t a chance for you to respond as the sound of the faucet running in the bathroom interrupts. Harry re-enters the living room, his eyes flitting between yours and Annie’s with a curious look on his face. “Am I interrupting something?” “Course not, lovely. We’re just waiting for AJ with the sheets,” Annie replies. She must be killer at poker. AJ slips through the door with a folded bundle of checkered sheets nearly covering her face. “Miss me?” She perches on the armrest of Annie’s chair upon returning from Syvia’s room, an arm wrapped around her shoulders. You are acutely aware of the warmth of Harry’s leg against yours, suddenly too nervous to shift and potentially draw attention to it. Though you try hard not to, you can practically see the silent conversation happening between the three other adults in the room; if you had to guess, it’s probably about you. You categorically refuse to look at Harry, so you’re left with AJ’s nearly imperceptible eyebrow-raising, and a curl of Annie’s lip that seems to be a question and a confirmation all at once. The three of them are a little… too quiet. “Well we should be off then,” she says, drawing her hands together in a clap. “Someone needs a bath tonight.”  Sylvia hurries over and locks her arms around Harry’s legs. He scoops her up like she weighs absolutely nothing. “C’mon now, angel,” he murmurs, glancing over his daughter’s head to look at you with a vaguely resigned expression. “Gonna see you tomorrow, aren’t I? Gotta be good for your mums.” Harry fixes Sylvia’s wobbling lower lip with a stern look. “Hey, now. What’s this about? S’not any different from Mummy’s normal turn with you, right? You know you’ve got too much love pumpkin, we gotta share ya.” Sylvia mumbles something too soft to make out; Harry ducks his head close. “Tell me?” You don’t catch all the words, except, “stars.” His face crumples a bit. “Oh honey, of course you’ll still have your bedtime stars. They’re not going anywhere. Nobody’s gonna take your stars.” “And that sounds like the beginning of a meltdown,” Annie says, standing quickly and pulling Sylvia from Harry’s arms. “Best be on our way before she tests all our eardrums.” Sylvia momentarily seems like she might reach back for him, but then she looks at you as though by accident, and shrinks back into her mother’s arms. Shame knots in your stomach as the two women head for the door. Sylvia peeks over Annie’s shoulder as AJ slings her purse over her arm with the car keys in hand. You busy yourself clearing the empty mugs of tea in some small attempt to give them privacy. “Come ‘round about six, yeah?” Annie says as AJ waves at you and disappears first out the door. Harry is sliding Sylvia’s arm through the second sleeve of her coat. His and Annie’s teamwork seems fluid and practiced. “Sounds good.” He tugs her tiny knit hat more securely over her curls. “Love you, bug.” “Hôn ba đi, Vi.”  You have no idea what Annie’s just said to Sylvia but Harry leans forward to receive his daughter’s kiss, placing an audible one on her forehead in return.  He says something else to Sylvia that’s not English. That deeply tender look in Annie’s face returns. Harry’s hand falls to her waist and she touches his jaw to place a quick peck at the corner of his mouth. “Call us if you need anything.” She turns back to you. “You too. Our numbers are—” “On the fridge,” you finish with a smile, waving. “Thank you, Annie.” Harry shuts the door behind them and the flat falls silent for the first time in what feels like ages. You hear him laugh once before he turns to you. “Sorry about that.” “No. Harry, I should be the one apologizing. Sylvia’s so upset, I feel awful.” Harry looks from you to the door and back again, shaking his head as he moves towards the kitchen. “Oh no, don’t worry about that. She was mostly tired, is all. Happens all the time.” He pauses before joking, “Sorry you had to hear my really terrible Vietnamese.” You watch as he begins to rifle through the cabinets. “What are you doing?” “I’m sure I left it in here somewhere—aha!” He holds an empty mason jar aloft before grabbing a sharpie and the magnetic pad of Hello Kitty sticky notes from the fridge door. Harry scrawls quickly, the cap of the pen between his teeth, before sticking a note on the glass and holding it up for you to read the big, block letters. APOLOGIES.

[madd-devil]

Slowly Falling in Love with Felix part 2

You didn't understand what was going on in your head. 

You were suddenly feeling the need to become closer to Felix, which was an absurd idea to you. He was only nice to you a few times and wasn't considering your job seriously. Was it weird that you started having feelings for the boy you once despised? Yes.

Again, you didn’t understand why: Felix was always so… so cold and so closed up. Why would one night with him change your whole point of view of him?

Because you saw how he truly was.

It was true, Felix never acted like this before and you started to realise his behaviour around you was slowly changing. He was more… understanding, kinder in a way and talked to you more as well as helping you out often during your chores. He called it “keeping an eye on you so you don’t get captured again” but deep down, you just knew it was an excuse so he could stay with you longer. You wondered if the other boys noticed something different about the blond-haired boy, but they didn’t really care as long as they had food and games to play.

But Felix still remained his angry and aggressive self. One wrong step and he could blow up. Watching him battle the other lost boys over little mistakes made you realise that. He wasn’t that different from Pan: they both loved control and when things went in their ways. No wonder they were close friends.

It was just a normal day in Neverland, you were busy with taking care of foolish injured boys who thought it might have been a good idea to fight the beasts that roamed the island with little weapons. You rolled your eyes at one moaning: he only had some bruises on his body. They always exaggerated when they were hurt, and requested you stay around them. You understood that you were in a way their “mother” but it was starting to be too much to handle for you.

You exited the tent, breathing out heavily and whipped the sweat off your forehead. Not only you had to take care of a bunch of boys, but it was also one of the hottest days in Neverland.  You never understood that Pan couldn’t control the weather, it was his island and he didn’t have a hand of that… Or as you thought, he didn’t know how to change it.

“Is everything okay?”

You turned your head and saw Felix standing near you, his club hanging on his shoulder. You frowned at him when you saw he was wearing his normal clothes. All the boys and you included decided to dress lightly in order to not be bothered by the hot weather but Felix…

“You should undress.” You bluntly said.

“I am sorry?” He asked, an eyebrow raising.

“I meant… It is too hot for you to wear those clothes, go change.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Fine, do whatever you want.”

You let yourself sit on the ground, ignoring the boys chattering from the inside of the tent. They were bickering again. It was giving you a headache. Being the mother figure of the rowdy and rough lost boys was a difficult job, and you wondered how you survived until now. Sometimes they were even fighting for your attention. It was tiresome. Felix seemed to sense your distress, he looked at you then at the tent with a frown.

“Do you want me to tell them to shut up?”

“No thanks. I am okay.”

“You don’t look like you are. You look tired.”

“All I want is a day off…” You whispered, standing up slowly.

The second in command took your hand abruptly and you didn’t have the strength nor the will to fight him. You both left in the jungle and you groaned at that. It was the worst place to be when it was hot like that.

“Where are you taking me?” You questioned the boy.

“Somewhere quiet, where you can rest.” He replied softly.

“Since when have you decided to take care of me?”

He didn’t reply and you decided to not ask more questions. After all, it didn’t sound that bad. Felix was always silent, rarely speaking. He won’t bother you that much and besides, you really needed to rest for a while. 

Finally you reached your destination and you gasped at how beautiful the view was. The blond haired boy had brought you on a small mountain, above the jungle and the sea. Thankfully, there was a large tree giving some shade for both of you and you wiped sweat off your forehead as you laid down on the fresh ground. 

“It is kind of… my secret place.” Felix admitted, sitting down next to you.

“So this is where you run off when we are partying?” You asked with a smirk, already knowing the answer. 

“Most of the time, yes.”

“It is such a nice place. I could spend all my day here, without worrying about anyone…” You sighed, contemplating the sky. “Does Pan know about this?”

“Pan doesn’t have to know everything…” The blond haired boy huffed. 

“Isn’t that right…” You said, closing your eyes, trying to rest.

When you opened your eyes, it was dark already. You stood up quickly and searched for Felix. He was nearby, he seemed to be focused on playing with his dagger. You strolled toward him, a little irritated that the second in command let you rest for so long. He boredly looked up to you.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” You asked, sounding angrier than you wanted it to be. It wasn’t his fault after all.

“Calm down woman.” He growled. “I thought you might use a little sleep, that’s all. You seemed really exhausted.” 

You didn’t know how to react to this. In the past years you had lived on the island, Felix never did those kinds of things with you. This was really weird. You didn’t think the time he spent with you while being trapped changed him that much, so you thought it might be one of his awful pranks. 

“I have to go back to camp. You coming?” You asked, tilting your head to the side.

The boy didn’t reply and you figured you might have been too mean with him. You rolled your eyes as you returned to camp. Boys were such crybabies. You could say one wrong thing and they would not speak to you for a solid week. The sentinels at the entrance of the camp greeted you with warm smiles but regained their compostures when Pan appeared out of nowhere, clearly furious.

“Where were you?” He asked rudely.

“I was resting.” You answered simply because it was the truth. 

“Oh so now you need rest?” He snarled, taking your arm harshly. “The boys needed you.” 

“They were okay, look.” You gestured to them dancing around the fire or playing games. 

“How was your rest with Felix then?” He spit his name like it was venom. “Had fun?” 

You successfully broke free from Pan’s harsh hold. You took a glimpse of your arm and noticed it would bruise. You glared at Pan. 

“What the heck?! Why does it matter now what I am doing with Felix?” 

“I don’t want babies walking around the camp.” He pushed you roughly out of his way. “Is that understood?”

“Yes.” 

“Good.” 

When the boys went to their tents to sleep, you were left with more chores to do. Of course they didn’t bother to do anything, you were always behind them, picking up their clothes or cleaning them. You sighed, annoyed, and thought of what Pan told you earlier. Glancing at his tree house where he was probably sleeping, you couldn’t help but think about it. What you were doing with Felix was nothing of his businesses. Hell, you didn’t even believe that Felix liked you. You stopped for a moment… Did Felix like you? 

You turned your head when you suddenly heard someone walking behind you. Glancing over your shoulder, you saw it was Felix, he seemed to be hiding something behind his back. You rolled your eyes and went back to your chores. He stopped besides you but you didn’t bother to look at him. You were too busy with washing the clothes anyway.

“Erm… (Y/N)?” He asked, stuttering over some bits. 

“Yes Felix?” 

“I....” He stuttered, which was odd for him.

“(Y/N)!!” A young voice cried.

You didn’t have the time to investigate that someone had crashed into you. You winced, and looked down, seeing it was Charlie. He was very young, but very quick and talkative. A pretty strange kid who was scared of anything and believed what he was told. It could be cute, but tiresome to take care of him. You sighed, asking him what he was doing out at that hour.

“It’s Sam!” The boy sobbed. “He said the Shadow would get me and kill me, if I didn’t give him my bed!” 

You groaned, exhausted to settle such silly matters between the boys. But, as Pan would say to you, you were their mother figure and had to attend their needs. You took a glimpse at Felix who wasn’t watching.

“Sorry, but what you have to tell me has to wait.”

“It’s ok…” He replied. “It was nothing anyway…” He muttered as he left.

You frowned when you heard that but was reminded of your duty by Charlie sobbing harder. You stepped toward the tent and tried to settle the matter as fast as possible between the two boys. When you came back, you realised Felix was gone. You sighed and decided it was time for you to go to your tent. 

When you entered, you removed your heavy coat that you threw on a chair then let yourself fall on the bed. But then you noticed them. You took the soft and beautiful flowers delicately, and immediately recognized them as lavenders. There was a field full of them nearby, and they had been nicely cut, you noticed. Someone put a lot of effort in this. Oddly, it put a smile on your face and you decided to go to sleep, not even wanting to know who gave you flowers. 

The next morning, you decided to not tell anyone about the flowers, and especially not Pan. He was well known for his excessive jealousy and for his hatred toward adults and their “petty feelings” as he called it. Walking out, you immediately noticed Felix glancing at you from his usual spot, completely ignoring Pan talking to him, which was odd. You brushed it out, stepping toward the little tent that the boys used to keep their weapons. You knew that meat was low around, so you decided to go hunting. 

The boys only liked it for fun and trophies and always messed up, except some of them. They would say Felix is the best, but you thought otherwise: Aidan was, in your eyes, the best hunter. He wasn’t as tall as the second in command but he was the quickest of the boys, and knew perfectly how to track and hunt. After all, as he told you some times ago, his father was also a hunter and got killed by a bear. As you stepped out with a bow and some arrows, as well as some small axes, you strotted toward Aidan.

“Hey. I want to go hunting, wanna go with me?” You asked, already knowing the answer.

“Of course I am going!” The boy replied with a cheeky grin as he stood up. 

"No one is going anywhere." A stern voice is calling behind. 

You rolled your eyes and Aidan dropped on the ground, looking angry and frustrated but he held his tongue. You looked at Pan with a frown.

"We need food." You stated.

"The hunting party went early this morning. If you weren’t busy doing lovey dovey stuff, you would have noticed. Besides, I need you and Felix to check the islands for any new boys." 

You hated doing that and more with Felix. He was so strange those last days and behaved in a weird way around you. And Pan had told you to stay away from him some times ago. Why would he send you both on a patrol? 

"I can't believe you are making us take the longer path." You groaned as you hit a rock with your shoe. 

You thought that at least it would be quick but for some reasons, Felix wanted to take a very long road, full of dangers and on the path was the mermaid lagoon. You knew how dangerous it was to go there, having to beg the mermaids to release a lost drowning one from their claws once in a while. 

"We have to check everywhere. The Shadow is known for dropping them off at unexpected locations." The blond haired boy replied nonchalantly. “Stop complaining, it is less annoying than hunting.” 

“Hunting is fun, especially with Aidan.”

“Stop talking about him and focus on your task.” He said brutally. 

You rolled your eyes again, and walked at his pace. Searching for new lost ones was a very boring task, all the boys hate doing it. Only Felix seemed to appreciate it, maybe because he could be away from camp for a little bit? He was not a social one. What was more surprising is Pan sending you off with him. You couldn’t realise he had done that. 

Some hours passed, and nighttime seemed to engulf the island one more time. With only the moon and the little lantern Felix had brought, you two started to head back to camp after an unsuccessful search. Hopefully it would be the last task Pan gives you today, you weren’t in the mood to cook or skin an animal. 

“Do you like Aidan?” 

The question caught you off guard and you turned to look at Felix. 

“What… Why are you asking me this?” 

“You seemed more eager to be with him rather than me.” 

“I was happy to go on a hunt with him. He is my friend.” You replied, confused why Felix sounded so angry about it. “Seriously, what’s up with you all? First Pan then you…” 

“Wait!” He sounded scared for a moment. “What did Pan tell you?” 

“He asked me to stay away from you so we don’t have babies around the camp.” You groaned, disgusted to even think about it. 

The second in command didn’t say anything, but had stopped walking and looked at you with that dumb expression he always had when he didn’t want to admit he didn’t understand something. The more you thought about it, the more Felix reminded you of a clueless puppy. It was… a little cute. 

“He thinks I want to sleep with you.” 

Still no reaction and that clueless look on his face. You rolled your eyes and pinched your nose in frustration. 

“He thinks we will have sex together.” 

“And you…” 

“Oh god, I don’t want to talk about this with you… It is too…. awkward.” 

He didn’t say anything else after that so you assumed the conversation was over. As you walked by the river where you would usually bathe, Felix approached you and asked you something. However, you were too in your daydreams that you didn’t catch what he said and… You didn’t know what happened. Now, you were wet and cold. The boy had accidentally pushed you in the water, and you were mad. 

“I am sorry…” He sounded so pitiful, it was annoying. “I didn’t mean it I swear! It was an accident...”

“What the fuck Felix!” You yelled at him. “Why do you always have to hurt me?!”

You were so petty about this, you wanted to make him pay for some reasons, a payback for all the shitty things he had done to you over your stay on the island. You grabbed one of his legs, and pulled with all your strength toward you, so he would fall into the water too. He fell with a silent scream, and when he broke through the surface, you raised your fist to punch him and you gladly did so. However, he was stronger than you, even in the river. 

“Enough!” A voice boomed from the shore. 

You both stopped immediately. You realised it was Pan, staring down at you two, crossing his arms like a disapproving father looking at his misbehaving children. You groaned again, and attempted to climb back to shore, which was a little difficult because you were pretty certain Felix had broken a few bones in your entire body. You were the first one out, and held your head high with pride as you passed Pan. 

“You should put a leash on him Pan, that would avoid some troubles.” You hissed, still angry, not caring about Felix’s state.

Author note: Yes I am alive lol lol

[tomorrowsdrama]

2020: A Year in Thirst

In 1985, Gabriel Garcia Marquez gave the world Love in the Time of Cholera.  In 2020 (er, I guess it’s now 2021), I give to you, Thirst in the Time of Covid-19 or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Embrace the Thirst, a brief recap of all the dramas I watched in 2020 and whether such dramas made yours truly parched..  

The list contains dramas that premiered in 2020, but also dramas from previous years.  If I watched it or attempted to watch it in 2020, it’s on the list.  

EDIT: Ok, I’m going to have to do this in multiple parts because apparently I watched more dramas in 2020 than I remembered and talking about them all in one post would just be too long.

This also serves as a sort of greeting to all the people who recently followed me.  I don’t know how or why, but thank you for being interested in my thirst, and also so sorry for everything you have/will witness here!  I started this side blog last December 2019 as a place to dump all my fangirl feels and thirst with unbridled abandon and let’s just say, the thirst REALLY ramped up in 2020 during quarantine and all the political chaos/uncertainty.  The state of the world may be uncertain, but my thirst will always be a comforting constant!  LOL. If you want to thirst or fangirl/boy together, I’m all ears.

Anyway, let’s start with the drama that was partially the inspiration for this list. 

1. The Wolf

Brief Summary: Sweet hot boy raised in the wilderness/by wolves meets sweet beautiful girl and they fall in love.  Shitty evil people do shitty evil things to them to cause a misunderstanding and they are separated for years.  Sweet hot boy is given the “Sexy Bloody Tormented Killer Makeover” TM and turns into a VERY VERY BAD HOT Wolf Man after being tortured/brainwashed by an evil asshole king who “adopted” him.  Bad Hot Wolf Man reunites with sweet beautiful girl but because of third party machinations in the past, he thinks that she betrayed him so he is suuuuuuch an ass to her (while still maintaining hotness).  But even beneath the asshattery (and sexy jerky smirks), he can’t help his love for her and it’s just *chefs kiss*. The angst, the pining, the mutual sacrifice for each other, the torment of wanting to be together but not being able to be together because of external forces/circustances, oh I am getting in a tizzy just thinking about it.  I won’t reveal anymore so as not to spoil the drama, but just know the ending may destroy you.

Is she thirsty? Am I thirsty? AM I THIRSTY?  Oh honey, if you don’t know the answer to that, then you must either be new here or you haven’t been paying attention to any of my posts in the past few weeks.  Look, from the first moment the camera panned to Darren Wang’s very well-defined and tan chest and windswept hair, all semblance of shame and dignity I ever tried to feign on this tumblr was immediately thrown out the window.  The feelings that he inspired within me were purely primal.  My cavewoman ancestor from millennia ago stopped gathering food in the harsh wilderness for a brief second to transmigrate into my body and go “me want big strong man!”

I mean, below is literally our introduction to Wolf Boy.  Am I supposed to just witness this and not feel anything?  The director knew what he/she was doing.  Anybody who worked on the drama who says they didn’t intend to exploit Darren Wang’s assets is a BOLD FACED LIAR. And this isn’t even Wolf boy in his hottest form.

That would be this:

Damn, your girl needs a moment here.  When Wolf Boy turns into Bad Hot Wolf Man, wheeeeewww.  The things that came out of my mouth and the thoughts that popped up into my head.

Examples of shameless fangirl drooling can be found here: https://tomorrowsdrama.tumblr.com/post/636986055498792960/dangermousie-this-should-be-illegal-i-mean Here: https://tomorrowsdrama.tumblr.com/post/637238885944033280/dangermousie-i-am-fucking-dead-the-end-this Here: https://tomorrowsdrama.tumblr.com/post/637793196830769152/dangermousie-wolfie-acquired-a-kid-omg Here: https://tomorrowsdrama.tumblr.com/post/635272988321775616/dangermousie-i-dont-know-about-you-guys-but and here: https://tomorrowsdrama.tumblr.com/post/637621638524977152/dangermousie-hnnnnnnnngh-i-am-beginning-to-forget

Honestly, just check out The Wolf tag on @dangermousie​ tumblr and you won’t be disappointed.  Prepare to become obsessed, horny, and heartbroken.

Would I watch it minus the thirst traps? Have you ever thirsted so much that you couldn’t separate what reaction was hormonal and what was objective?  Like the guy is so hot to you that when your friends ask you what do you like about him, the first 10 things you can think of are “he’s hot!” and then you try to remind yourself that you’re not a shallow person who actually cares about things other than looks but at the same time you can’t for the life of you think of a non-hot based trait that you like about the guy  Yeah, that’s what happened here so sorry, I can’t give you an objective opinion.  It’s not that there’s nothing objectively good about The Wolf, it’s just that my judgment is too clouded by Darren Wang’s abs and big hands.  But from what I can tell by other people’s posts, even if you didn’t thirst for Darren Wang (Are you made of stone?  But also, can you please teach me your magic so I can go back to being a semi-functional working woman?), The Wolf is still a very enjoyable drama with its own non-Darren Wang related merits.

2. My Beautiful Bride

Brief Summary: A drama about a strait-laced banker who wears a dorky backpack and rides a bicycle everywhere while wearing the dorkiest looking helmet ever and his beautiful bride-to-be whom he is hopelessly devoted to.  This being a kdrama, and an OCN drama at that, things aren’t all what they appear to be.  Yes, you read that right, an OCN. ROMANCE. DRAMA.  Turns out the beautiful bride-to-be has a dangerous past that soon comes back to haunt her and she mysteriously disappears one day from strait-laced banker’s life in the typical kdrama way to protect him.  Part of the reason she leaves him is also because she doesn’t want him to know about her past because she doesn’t think she’s good enough for him.  Little does she know, he knows everything about her past and accepts it all.  The only reason why he doesn’t bring it up is because he knows she doesn’t want him to know about that part of herself and he loves her so much he’s willing to do anything to make her happy.  But also, another thing she doesn’t know is that underneath that boring but perfectly ironed suit, is a finely chiseled, super efficient fighting machine who did his mandatory military service in the special forces.  He is like the terminator meets Liam Neeson’s character in Taken.  He has a very particular set of skills and will stop at nothing to get his bride back.

Is she thirsty?  Please just watch this video and you will have your answer: https://youtu.be/Ut9MhxWadHM

Prior to The Wolf, My Beautiful Bride was probably the most thirst-inducing drama I watched in 2020.

I mean, just look

at this

at all of this

I don’t’ know how Joo Young saw that body and never questioned whether he really was just a banker.  The writers of the drama must be super heterosexual men who are blind because so many of the characters in the drama question why someone as beautiful as Joo Young would ever want to be with someone like the banker. Um..Um...aside from the fact that he is financially well off, treats her well, is loving and respectful of her, and prioritizes her over everything else, JUST LOOK AT HIM.  I was so thirsty for Kim Mu Yeol in this role that I would accidentally tag this drama as My Beautiful Banker sometimes.  The banker was on a relentless one-man mission to take back his bride and turn me on in the process and ooooooh boy was he successful on both fronts.  He is seriously sex on legs every time he beats up a baddie in his quest to find answers about Joo Young’s whereabouts.

Would I watch it minus the thirst traps?  I binged the first six episodes of this drama in one afternoon partly because of my thirst, but also partly because it’s a very well made crime-action-gangster drama.  This is an OCN drama so you can expect a competently made production with well choreographed/bloody action scenes and a solid script.

3. Scarlet Heart Ryeo / Moon Lovers

Brief Summary: IU plays Hae Soo, a modern woman who is somehow transported back in time to the Goryeo period.  There, she gets entangled with a group of royal princes.  Her two main love interests are Wang So (played by Lee Jun Ki) and Wang Wook (played by Kang Ha Neul).  The princes vie for the throne and some of them for Hae Soo’s affection.  Lee Jun Ki does what he does best, which is play a sexy tortured deadly man who looks way too good with blood splattered on his face.  Kang Ha Neul is the seemingly kind prince/daddy long legs character who turns out to be not so kind or daddy long leggy.  Hae Soo is...well IU did the best she could with what she was given (which was a hot inconsistent mess).

Is she thirsty? Scarlet Heart Ryeo is like the honeypot of thirst traps.  It’s essentially a reverse harem set up with a prince for everyone.

Like them young and cute?  Then try the 10th prince, Wang Eun.

Want them big, tall, and kinda dumb?  Here’s the 14th prince Wang Jung for ya.

Want an evil bastard with an affinity for guyliner?  Try out 3rd prince Wang Yo.

Tall, slender, and scholarly? 13th prince Baek-ah will fill your needs.

Is a kind/gentle man who will ultimately disappoint you because he doesn’t show up when you need him most more your speed?  Well, let me introduce you to 8th prince, Wang Wook.

Kinda scary but oh so hot and with a ton of baggage?  We’re talking, I overpacked and brought 10 overstuffed large suitcases levels of baggage. 4th prince Wang So is the guy for you.

And if you prefer someone with no personality, presence, or memorable traits, I got a two-for-one deal for you in the crown prince Wang Mu and 9th prince Wang Won.

Would I watch it minus the thirst traps?  There is political intrigue, scheming, romance, fluffy hijinks (my least favorite parts of the drama), angst, beautiful costumes, and pretty decent fight scenes.  Scarlet Heart Ryeo is a pretty solid fusion/fantasy sageuk mostly thanks to Lee Jun Ki.  The only person who has ever carried a larger load on his back is Atlas.  I’m not saying all the other actors are horrendous. It’s just very clear that the one elevating the material beyond the inconsistencies/messiness/elementary politics of the script is Lee Jun Ki.  Your enjoyment level of the drama will likely increase if you are a fan of any of the main actors.  

[skinsharpenedteeth]

Coming Up Easy - The First Dance

You can also check this out on AO3!!

Michael reclined in bed against the pillows he’d stacked against the wall so he could read his phone, drink a beer, and be semi-comfortable. It’d been a long, long day and he was having trouble winding down from it. He’d put on one of Isobel’s Spotify playlists on random while he dicked around on his phone. He knew what he wanted to do. He’d been scrolling through his photo’s gallery for ten minutes staring at the few pictures he had of them together. He wished he had more. He was pointedly trying to stay out of the private file he had that definitely showed more of them together because he’d been visiting that file way too often since Alex had moved.

Finishing his beer, Michael chucked the empty bottle into the trash and opened a new one. Feeling daring, he shot Alex a text.

Me 10:02 p.m. >> You up?

Alex 10:03 p.m. >> I am. In fact, I’m cooking.

Me 10:05 p.m. >> I call bullshit. You hate cooking.

<<Alex is requesting a video chat session: Accept?>>

Biting his lip, Michael had a second to wonder how he was going to look before saying ‘Fuck it’ and pushing his thumb against the accept key. Alex’s face filled his phone screen and Michael would be lying to say his heart didn’t flutter a little at the sight of his slightly red, smiling face.

“Oh my God, I missed your face,” Alex said without preamble. Michael found himself smiling despite himself.

“Yeah? Need me to send you pictures daily?” Michael teased.

“No, I don’t want to get spoiled. This is a treat for me. I’ve been looking at strangers for weeks now,” Alex replied. Michael was trying not to stare because Alex looked so good and it just made Michael want to go over to his place and tackle him against the refrigerator. He couldn’t though. That sort of thing would take planning and plane tickets and passports and so much more work than it did a month ago. Sighing to himself, Michael tried to keep the conversation flowing.

“Any cute ones?” Michael asked, kicking himself immediately. Alex’s eyebrows drew together for a moment before he wiped the expression away.

“Uh, not yet. I’ll probably have to get on a dating app or something to really meet people,” Alex replied awkwardly, smile turning brittle as he spoke. Faintly, Michael could hear music in the background of Alex’s kitchen.

“So what are you listening to while you cook? And what are you cooking? You burned a peanut butter and jelly sandwich once!” Michael exclaimed, eyes flitting around the screen trying to see behind Alex’s head. Alex rolled his eyes, but his smile was more genuine.

“I’m listening to that new Miley Cyrus song “Can't Stop”. Have you heard it?” Alex asked, moving closer to his Bluetooth speaker and turning up the volume so Michael could listen in.

“No, I haven’t. I’ll have to listen to it later, sounds good,” Michael commented. Alex was closing his eyes and the phone was swaying like he was dancing to the music.

“Oh shit, I’m going to put you down on the counter. I gotta stir,” Alex exclaimed a moment later and suddenly Michael could see much more of Alex’s apartment kitchen and of Alex himself. He was wearing his old MCR t-shirt they’d spent one night turning into a tank top and sweatpants. The large, gaping armholes showed off the hint of muscle on his back and chest and made Michael’s mouth water and his entire body ache with want to touch him. He watched Alex grab a spatula and start stirring it around a frying pan, hips still moving with the beat of the song as he concentrated. Michael had to clear his voice as his mouth went suddenly dry at the visual of those hips in action. Alex had always been good with rhythm, but being best friends with Liz had also given him a swivel to his dancing style that was frankly indecent.

“So, uh, what are you cooking?” Michael asked again, trying not to get too mesmerized by Alex dancing and mouthing the words to the song into the end of the spatula when he wasn’t stirring.

“Stirfry. Something so basic even I can’t fuck it up, hopefully,” Alex joked. He picked the phone up so he could turn the camera for Michael to look in the pan. Looked like soggy frozen veggies mixed with overcooked chicken in something that might’ve been brown sauce.

“Looks great,” Michael lied as Alex put the phone back down. Alex looked at him for a moment and started laughing.

“Okay, it looks like dog vomit, but it’ll be edible. Someone never taught me how to cook, despite being excellent at it,” Alex joked, giving Michael a dirty look through the phone. Fuck, Michael wanted to kiss that look off his face.

“I was trying to make my friendship indispensable to you. Apparently, I failed since you moved to another country and left me to languish in the desert alone and lonely,” Michael said dramatically. Alex barked out another laugh before turning back to the pan and shaking his head down at it. He moved it off the heating element and flipped the dial. Michael watched him as he bent over and settled on his elbows in front of the phone. He looked… well, Michael was glad his own camera was facing front.

“You’re indispensable to me no matter what, even without the cooking lessons. Just you wait, you’ll come up here for a visit and soon I’ll have a roommate,” Alex joked.

“We’ll see about that,” Michael retorted as another song came on. The song immediately sent him back to a small, dusty shed that smelled like sweat, metal, wood, and damp cotton. He could feel Alex’s warm hands on his hips nudging him to shift with the beat to the left and right while they both stared at his bare feet.

“Is this….?” Michael started but stopped as he became sure that it was. Alex had been looking over his shoulder towards the speaker and when Michael spoke up, he turned back to the phone. His cheeks were slightly pink and he looked sheepish.

“Yeah, this is Hellogoodbye. Remembering the same thing I am?” Alex asked, looking at Michael nervously through the phone. Michael let his head fall back against the wall behind him and he took a long pull from his beer before answering.

“Yeah, I think so. You teaching me to dance for prom?” Michael asked, not looking at the phone but hearing Alex clear his voice.

“Yeah, that,” he answered, voice subdued. They fell into silence and Michael had no doubt they were both trapped in a shared memory.

“I don’t even want to go to prom. I’ve managed to miss every other dance in high school, I don’t see why Isobel is so insistent I go to this one!” Michael raged, walking the length of the Mane’s shed back and forth while Alex watched from the futon. They were both shirtless and slightly sweaty, only partially dressed after their makeout and hand job session. Alex was leaned over with his elbows on his knees watching Michael warily.

“It’s just a dance, Michael. Go if it’ll make her happy. I’m going, you can come hang out with me,” Alex said, tone slightly exasperated. He’d been listening to Michael bitch about Isobel’s insistence for him to go to prom for a week already and it was beginning to grate on his nerves. Michael stopped and looked at him, arms raised and expression clearing asking ‘Are you actually agreeing with her?!’. Alex just kept looking at him blankly. ‘Yes,’ his expression replied. ‘I’m agreeing with her.’ With a defeated sigh, Michael let his arms drop suddenly and slap against his sides.

“I don’t even know how to dance,” he mumbled, almost too low for Alex to hear him. Alex gave him a complicated look, somewhere between amusement and pity.

“That’s easy enough to fix. I can teach you that much,” Alex replied, standing up.

“What? No, I don’t want to know! It’s just going to be weird. I’m not going to have anything to do except stand around and drink punch. It’s going to be expensive and lame,” Michael whined, even as he watched Alex go over to his iPod and put it into the stereo he’d brought out to the shed. He ignored Michael’s protests and found a song with an easily recognizable beat. It started up, sounding poppy and electronic, and Michael rolled his eyes. Alex caught him at it.

“Hey, this is going to be easy. Quit being such an ass about it,” Alex griped, coming to stand in front of Michael. He placed his hands on Michael’s hips and looked him straight in the eyes. “Okay. Just follow my movements. Right now we’re just finding the beat.”

Michael swallowed and nodded, throat suddenly dry at the feeling of Alex being close to him and semi-nude and touching him. It seemed Alex put him on a hair-trigger to want sex. With a gentle push and pull, Alex moved Michael and himself back and forth until they were swaying with the beat.

“Okay, this is literally the most basic form of slow dancing. It’s just swaying from side to side. Put your hands on my shoulders and just keep following me,” Alex instructed. Michael raised his arms and lazily draped his arms over Alex’s shoulders like he’d seen every girl do in every teen movie ever. He’d rolled his eyes again as he did it and Alex pinched his side for his sass. “I’m doing you a favor, dipshit. Be nice.”

“Ow! Fine, fine. I’ll be nice. Now what?” Michael asked as they continued to sway. It felt so weird to be standing there in Alex’s shed just shifting his weight back and forth. Without warning, Alex began to pull Michael’s body closer to him while he moved back too. Michael stumbled a little, his foot stepping on the one Alex had kept still.

“Okay, sorry, I didn’t explain. That’s my bad,” Alex apologized once they’d untangled themselves. He grabbed Michael’s hips again and began the original swaying. Once they’d gotten back in rhythm with the song, Alex tried to explain. “So we’re going to basically be moving in a box. Whoever’s leading, so me this time, is always outlining the box with their movements while whoever’s following, you, is tracing the inside of the box.”

Michael gave him a confused look. Making a discontent noise, Alex stepped close until his stomach and hips were resting against Michael’s. Michael gave him a wide-eyed look, wondering if Alex had decided to save dancing for later and more fucking for now…

“Close your eyes,” Alex ordered. Michael closed them obediently, waiting for the gentle pressure of Alex’s lips against his. Instead, Alex continued talking. “Now follow my lead.”

Michael felt the pull of Alex’s body to the right and he instinctually followed. Then Alex moved him backward. It threw Michael off for a second, but then he felt the gentle pressure of Alex’s left leg pressing against his right and he moved that leg back. Then they glided to the left and then Alex was pulling Michael forward. This time he felt which of Alex’s legs was staying still and which was moving away and followed suit. They did this two more times before he felt Alex’s breath by his ear.

“This is a box step. You’re dancing,” he whispered. Despite the heat of the spring day which baked against the poorly insulated shed walls, Michael felt goosebumps break out along his shoulders and chest at the feeling of Alex’s breath against his ear. Opening his eyes, he pulled back to look at Alex’s face and immediately stepped wrong and made them stumble.

“Damnit!” Michael yelled, dropping his arms.

“No, Michael. It’s fine. It just takes practice,” Alex consoled.

“I’m just not made for dancing,” Michael grouched, turning away and taking a few steps to put space between them. The song changed to some other top 100 pop slow jam, and after a minute he felt Alex hook his chin over one of his shoulders and press his chest to Michael’s back. His arms wrapped around Michael’s crossed ones and he immediately started swaying them again.

“You are. Dancing isn’t so different from fucking. It’s about tempo and rhythm and matching or counterpointing movements. You’re great at fucking, you could be good at dancing,” Alex said quietly. He started kissing Michael’s neck and shoulder intently and heat started to pool in Michael’s gut at the feeling of Alex pressing against him and moving slowly. “Maybe you can dance with me at prom and I’ll make sure you don’t make a fool of yourself?”

“You want to dance with me at prom? Isn’t that a bit… public?” Michael asked. He didn’t really mind it being public, but he didn’t want Alex to say something and not realize the consequences.

“We’ll be out of here in a couple months anyway. Fuck ‘em if they can’t hang, right?” Alex said, voice tight behind his teasing tone.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll dance with you at prom then,” Michael replied easily. He turned his head and Alex kissed the corner of his mouth.

“You’re a good friend. I wouldn’t have anyone to dance with either without you,” Alex said. Michael’s heart ached against his ribs, but he nodded anyway.

“We didn’t get to dance at prom,” Alex said simply when the silence stretched.

“No, you had to go get into a fight with Valenti before I could get in from pictures with Iz and Max,” Michael agreed.

“Wish we had,” Alex replied, sounding wistful.

“Yeah, me too,” Michael agreed. The silence was sad now and he hated it. Michael tried to think of something to say. Clearing his throat, he went with the first thing that came to his mind. “So you adding rice to that stirfry or something?”

“Uh, I was going to just get some like minute rice and dump it on top when I reheated this,” Alex explained. Michael grimaced and Alex laughed.

“Jerk,” Alex said, but a smile was back on his face.

“Just let me know if you end up in the hospital with food poisoning. I’ll send you flowers,” Michael replied with a grin.

“Ugh, shut UP! It’s fine!” Alex exclaimed, grabbing a fork from a drawer and scooping up some onto it. “See?!”

He put it in his mouth and Michael waited. He saw him grimace and chew slowly.

“So good, right?” Michael teased.

“It’s fine,” Alex said after swallowing. Michael waited, Alex and he looked at each other through the screen, before Alex grimaced and then stood up abruptly. “UGH, FINE! It’s gross!”

Michael chuckled.

“Poor baby,” Michael cooed. Alex flipped him off but laughed along with him.

“Yeah, poor me. Well, shit. Now I have to clean all this up and I have nothing to show for it,” Alex groused. Michael watched him rub his hands over his face in frustration and stare at the pan of ruined food.

“Going to try again?” Michael asked. Alex looked over at him and shook his head.

“No. I gotta get to bed. It’s already late. This was just kind of a spur-of-the-moment decision anyway,” Alex replied morosely.

“Hey, you’ll get it next time. Just call me and I’ll walk you through it on video,” Michael offered. Alex sighed and nodded.

“Probably for the best,” he agreed. “Well, I better get to bed. It was nice seeing your face.”

“It was good seeing yours. Miss you,” Michael said before he could chicken out.

“Miss you too. Night,” Alex said with a smile.

“Night,” Michael replied before the call ended. He took a deep sigh and set his phone down on his chest before taking a sip of his lukewarm beer.

Damn, he missed that fucker.

[fictionalabyss]

Protector : Questioned.

Pairing :   Dean x F!Reader, Alex (OC), Sam, Detective Baker (OC)

Word count : 1,463

Warnings : Time jump - little over 4 years after chapter 10. Illegal questioning of a minor.  Fear and anxiety of what's to come. Series TW : Domestic Abuse is a constant topic- be it mentioned, or actually happening.

Continuation of this series was commissioned by : @iflostreturntosteverogers​​

Part 11 of Protector.

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Alex sat at the table quietly, eyes downcast on his hands that were clasped in his lap. The offered glass of water on the table sat untouched.  He’d been silent since entering the room, not a word no matter what they said. They had been nice enough at the start, but they were getting angry. They were running out of time, he knew it, they knew it, hell, they knew he knew it.

“Look, kid, we know you know something. You aren’t stupid. You live with the guy, you work for him-”

“I work in a garage.” Alex finally spoke, though he still didn’t look up at the detective who was leaning on the table. “I work on cars for dumbasses who don’t know the ‘check engine’ light means to check your fucking engine.” He finally looked up. “That's all I know.”

“You work in their garage.”

“I work in a garage. I don’t know who owns it.” Alex shrugged, and that seemed to piss the detective off, he could tell by the way his jaw ticked.

“Yeah? And who got you that job?”

“I applied for it.” Alex dead panned. “I gave my resume to every garage in town, they just offered me better pay.” Alex shrugged. “If you know so much about me, then you know I've had a knack for cars and engineering for years. Want to know about my middle school science fair project?”

“You and Dean left the state a few weeks back-”

“Visiting schools. It’s why I work, to pay for college.”

“Why the extra muscle then?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You were accompanied by-” the detective flipped open the folder on the table. The first page had Dean’s mugshot and a list of information, but Alex barely got a look at it as the pages turned. “Sam Winchester, and one Ash ‘Dr Badass’ Miles.”

“An Alumni of the school showing me around.” Alex shrugged. “What's your point?”

“My point is, son, you’re in danger.” Alex laughed at that. “You think that’s funny? You live and work with the men who, we are convinced, killed your father.”

“Dean is my father.”

“Your real father.”

“My ‘real father’ beat the shit out of me and my mom and tried to kill us before disappearing. He’s a missing person that for some fucked up reason you’re still looking for.”

“Because we’re convinced that Dean had him killed.”

“Yeah? When I was 5, I was convinced that my dad was the best dad on the plant. Sometimes, people are just wrong.”  The door burst open, and Alex just smiled at the detective. “Time’s up.”

“Let’s go, Alex.”

“Ma’am-” The detective held out his hand to try and stop Alex from standing and leaving.

“You! You have some fucking nerve dragging a 17 year old boy in here.” You took a step closer, finger pointed at him. “You have no fucking right to ask him anything without a parent or a lawyer, and I know for a fact he asked for both when he walked into the station. So now, you’ll be hearing from my lawyer for harassing my son.”

“Your husband killed his father.” The detective countered. “Don’t you want justice?”

“If he’s dead, big fucking if, justice has been served. Leave my son alone. Out, Alex.”

Alex stood and gave the detective a polite smile. “Sorry, bud. You fucked up.”

“Alex!” You shot him a glare as he left the room, then turned that glare on the detective. “Stay away from my son.” you growled before turning on your heel and storming out.

Dean was standing next to the Impala when you both walked out. “You okay?” He asked, eyes on Alex.

“I’m fine, Dean. Really, I’m okay.” Alex smiled and opened the back door.

Dean cupped your face as you got close to him. “Are you okay?”

“They took him in for questioning.. For what? Why harass a teenage boy?”

“I don’t know, baby. Sammy’s buddy from Stanford is already flying in, he’s good.” You gave him a nod and he pressed his lips to your forehead, his eyes going behind you as the door opened and the detective stepped out. Dean’s jaw ticked, and you looked up at him. “Let’s go home.”

You turned and glanced back at the detective as Dean opened the passenger side door for you. You slid in, and Dean shut the door behind you. Your attention on the detective who stood watching the three of you with his arms crossed over his chest. “Where’s Abby?” Alex asked, pulling your attention back.

“At home, with Uncle Sam.” you answered as Dean pulled open the driver side door and slid in.

“When your mom called me in a panic, we both hauled ass to the house.” Dean added after his door had shut and he was starting up the engine. He didn’t talk again until he was well away from the curb. “What’d they want anyways? Why’d they grab you from school?”

Alex shrugged. “They were asking about you.”

“About me?” Dean glanced over as you looked at him with worry.

“Mhm.” Alex hummed, looking out the window. “They’re sure I know more than I let on about what you do, where you go and who you meet. They knew we went to Michigan and who with.”

“What’d you tell them?”

“Not much.” Alex shrugged. “That I don’t know shit, I work for the garage who offered to pay me the most and Michigan was a trip with my family to visit a college.” He glanced to the front seat at Dean, eyes meeting in the rear view. “The truth. Dude’s pretty convinced you're a killer, though, and that mom and I are in danger.”

Dean’s brow furrowed and he risked a glance behind him. His eyes were back on the road when he felt your hand on his lap, squeezing it. He chanced a glance your way to see the worried look on your face had deepened.

Dean pulled into the driveway, and Alex was the first out of the car. You slipped from the car next as he turned off the engine. He could see from the way you held yourself that something was bugging you. With a sigh, Dean exited the car.

“Baby,” Dean stopped you from going past him, his hands cupping your face. “What’s wrong? Alex is fine, he-”

“They’re saying you killed his father, they’re saying I should want justice for that. As if him being dead wouldn’t be justice for what happened to us.” you glanced up at Dean. “I don't want to know, I don’t care. I just- He said it in front of Alex. Who knows what else he said to him before we could get here..”

“They don’t have anything or they wouldn’t be harassing the kid. They’ve been doing this shit for years, a few too many bar fights and suddenly you’re the scum of the earth.” Dean half chuckled. “Anything they can slap us with, they will. I’m just sorry you guys are being dragged into it.”

“I don’t want to lose you, Dean.”

“You won't, baby, I promise.” He ducked his head so his lips could meet yours.

“Everything okay?” Sam asked from the doorway, and the kiss broke, your bottom lip trapped between your teeth as you pulled away from Dean.

“Go inside, baby. I’ll be in in a minute.” You nodded and headed in, slipping past Sam without a word. Dean motioned for Sam to come closer as he leaned against the Impala.

“What’d they pull the kid in for?”

“Us. More specifically me. Asked about the garage, the trip to Michigan, told the kid I killed his father.” Dean shrugged.

“Jesus Christ..” Sam was actually stunned by that last one. Sure, the families occasionally got harassed if someone got caught doing some rough shit, but never had a kid been grabbed from school and had shit thrown at them like that. “They’re getting ballsy..”

“When’s Brady getting here?”

“Uh- Tomorrow morning. His flight lands at like 7am, I think he said?”

“Thank fuck  you went to college, Sammy.” Dean pat his brother on the back. “Abby good?”

“Yeah, she was good.” Sam smiled. “Always is for me. How’s the wife?”

Dean sucked his teeth as he started towards the house, brother in tow. “Pregnant, pissed and scared, Sammy. And this time, it’s on me. Fuckin’ Baker.”

“Baker? The same asshole who tried to throw you in prison last time?”

“Shit, yeah eh?” Dean smiled. “I should send him a gift basket or a thank you card, he’s the reason I met her.” Dean stopped outside the door laughing. “Fuck, imagine that on his conscious?” Dean was still laughing as he entered his home, Sam shaking his head behind him.

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