#sorry this is not very cheerful

[tiarnanabhfainni]

- CP Cavafy

made this a million year’s late for @suncaptor ‘s milestone event for the theme of liminality (even though i think it can probably fit in at least one other prompt)

[ironunderstands]

Yapping about why I love Aventio and what I feel makes it a great ship 

(If you hate it I urge you to read this, because you don’t have to agree with me, but I want you to get where Aventio shippers are coming from at least)

I’ve just really wanted to talk about why I love Aventio because the people do not get it like I do and GODDD ITS SO GOOD WHEN DONE CORRECTLY UGHHHHH

Also this is gonna be VERY stream of consciousness I do not have a plan besides dragging you through my brain so enjoy the ride.

I guess the best place to start is the fact that Aventurine and Ratio are my two favorite characters in the game. Like even if they have no interactions with each other ever and might as well be from different pieces of media I would ship them, because I like seeing characters I like interact and the fun police cannot catch me. That’s a really shallow personal reason though and I feel like the rest I have will be able to be appreciated by others.

GOD THE DYNAMIC IS SO GOOD RAAAAAA

Two emotional constipated dumbasses circling around each other like black holes trying desperately to deny and run from their feelings when they have both fallen hard. The lack of acknowledgement of feelings on both ends is TRAGIC and it makes me want to rip my eyes out in a good way, let’s start with Ratio.

Unfortunately my glorious king Ratio has been mischaracterized to hell and back but we will get to that (and the Incorrect Reasons Why People Hate Aventio) later. Instead I will go over his actual character; a deeply insecure, intelligent man who desperately wants the rest of the galaxy to come to the realizations he has long since stumbled upon, but has been so isolated from his peers from such a young age that he’s doomed to fail in literally every social interaction he has and be misunderstood by both the audience in universe and irl (the autistic coding isn’t helping him either).

Ratio is tragically misunderstood again, both in universe and by the audience, which is why it means so much that Aventurine Gets Him. Aventurine pushes his buttons, tears down that literal cold marble facade masking the deeply silly and caring man beneath (this man bathes with rubber duckies in the privacy of his own home 😭), and that scares the shit out of Ratio. People aren’t meant to see through him, Ratio acts rude not just because he believes it’s the best way to help people, and because he believes he himself is mundane and the conclusions they come to should be their own, not his.

No, it’s also because on some level Ratio is afraid to be vulnerable around people. As much as he pretends like it doesn’t affect him, Nous’s rejection has hurt and haunted Ratio for his entire life. And I do mean his entire life, even in high school he had already set up a strict routine for himself, something commented on by his teacher, Ratio has quite literally always been striving for some sort of perfection and the fact that he cannot achieve it kills him.

Moreover, the guy just grew up way too fast, he didn’t have time to develop social skills. We see it in that afformentioned relationship with his teacher, in which they recommend Ratio (who is again in high school) to be moved up to college level stuff and transferred due to his success. He has quite literally never been able to just relax in a environment of his peers, Ratio for some reason we don’t yet know has always been dedicated to constant improvement and that leaves no room for dealing with failure.

On some level, he knows this too, that he can never be perfect. Ratio is part of the Mundanites in the Intelligenica Guild for a reason, he doesn’t just see himself as mediocre because he believes everyone is and that’s ok, but also because he looks down on himself for being too mediocre for the Genius Society, being too mediocre for Nous’s acknowledgement, being too mediocre for anything.

Which is tragic because Ratio is very accomplished and he is very smart, and his character stories aren’t even told from his pov, but rather in the style of documentaries and letters (his professor) and other works on his well acclaimed life. We don’t ever get to see how Ratio really sees himself, just the tiny cracks in his marble facade that let the real man behind the character shine through.

Because that’s what he’s playing 90% of the time, a character. Whether it be at the Herta Space Station in which his real goal was to uproot the researchers blind worship of the Genius Society, or in Penacony in which he plays up the arrogant, narcissistic scholar both people in universe and irl make him out to be, both to serve a goal bigger than himself. 

Sincere moments from Ratio are RARE but god are they beautiful, his conversation from Screwllum in 1.6 and his note to Aventurine in 2.1 will forever haunt me in the best way possible. If you want to understand Ratio as a character, yes read his character stories, but just watch that damn scene with Screwllum it is phenomenal. He cares so much and is so, so bad at expressing it, he drives me nuts, Veritas Ratio the man you are. 

And the thing is, it seems like he’s always been playing a character and doesn’t know where the real him ends anymore so he just sticks to the way people perceive him a lot of the time. Like as a kid he was constantly striving to be the best so he missed a lot of necessary developmental shit, and as an adult he’s a celebrity so it’s hard for him to attach himself to others anyways because society and his students will hound him for it.

And then you throw Aventurine into the mix, and oh boy does shit get interesting.

Veritas Ratio, perfect “unfeeling” Veritas Ratio and the one person who gets him well enough to push all his buttons and expose the vulnerable underbelly he thought he hid so well. On a fundamental level, Ratio understands this, which is why he doesn’t bother with the alabaster head, as pretending the real him is just as unfeeling and uncaring is easier.

So he brushes off Aventurine’s jests as if they are an insult to his very existence, he can’t look in Aventurine’s eyes when he “betrays” him because his poker face would break, he leaves as soon as he’s done talking because lingering would allow the weight of their conversations to sink in. Part of it is because for pretty much all of Penacony, up until the note Ratio gives him, Ratio is acting, trying to play up the role of the arrogant, unfeeling scholar to make Sunday buy the betrayal plan, because to Sunday this behavior is signs of a bad relationship between the two (honestly the fact that the audience also interpreted it this way makes me mad like did yall seriously not pay attention, but also happy because if even the players were fooled that means Sunday buying it is believable). 

However, even if it feeds into his insecurities, Aventurine knows that false facade and loves tearing it down. It’s very telling that the second time we see Ratio really freak out (the first being at Herta Space Station) is at the suggestion that he came to narrate Aventurine’s demo not because of knowledge or respect for the show or whatever, but because he genuinely likes the guy. What makes it even better is that Aventurine is the one who suggested it, and already figured out the excuses Ratio was going to use to deny it. Ratio can fool everyone else in the galaxy, but he cannot fool Aventurine, and on a fundamental level that is what makes their dynamic work, because Ratio knows Aventurine in the exact same way.

Aventurine can shove away people who care about him, out of distrust and fear that they will leave him like his family did. He can believe he’s unloveable and a person so detestable that even the actions he performs in order to stay alive condemn him to hate himself as much as the rest of the galaxy hates him. But, Ratio doesn’t see him that way.

Aventurine doubts his intelligence, if he has really earned anything he’s done and in his voiceline about Ratio, doubting if Ratio even sees him as smart or worthy. However, Ratios voiceline about Aventurine is about how he believes Aventurine is smart and worthy, and that his doubt will be his downfall if he doesn’t come to the realization that he isn’t worthless. 

Ratio knows Aventurine’s one weakness, the one thing that could stop him; himself. That’s why he gives him the note urging him to stay alive and keep on living because ultimately Aventurine will only ever fail if he gives up. And The Note Is Enough, Aventurine walks into the event horizon of a black hole, confident he can return alive on the other side because someone cares about him, BECAUSE RATIO CARES ABOUT HIM, and wants him to live on even if Aventurine doesn’t feel that way towards himself.

In the metaphorical and literal manifestation of the meaningless of the universe, in the face of overwhelming nihility, Aventurine survives because someone loves him, and with that love he’s strong enough to brave even that. 

Even if they can’t admit it out loud, these two deeply, deeply care for one another and trust each other perhaps more than anyone else in the narrative. The betrayal plan would have never worked if there was not mutual trust, Ratio wouldn’t have gone to Penacony in the first place if he didn’t trust Aventurine, and Aventurine wouldn’t have asked him to come if he did not trust him. We don’t just see this trust between Aventurine and Ratio either, and Jade and Topaz both trust him with their cornerstones, but ultimately it’s Ratio who’s physically with him the whole time, risking his life alongside him for the sake of their plan. 

As much as people like to ignore it, lying to the Family members, to Sunday, is extremely dangerous and puts Ratio’s life in danger as much as it does Aventurine’s. Ratio is not an irrational person, he wouldn’t have done that if he didn’t have faith Aventurine would succeed, he would not have done if he didn’t think he would return. They have absolutely faith in one another and it’s beautiful. 

Aventurine’s first constellation is named “Prisoner’s Dilemma” for a reason. A social experiment in which two prisoners are captured and separated, if they sell the other one out and remain silent, they go free but the other remains in jail for 20 years. If they both sell each other out, they get a sentence of 5 years. 

But if they both remain silent, trust the other, they even if they physically can’t communicate and don’t know what the other says, they get the best possible outcome, only one year in jail each. It requires a sacrifice on both ends, they both still have to go to jail, but only for a year, and only if they trust each other completely, as if the other sells them out they will be in jail for 20.

The prisoners dilemma relies completely on trust, and it’s the exact situation Aventurine and Ratio face in the Penacony quests. Aventurines doubts if Ratio’s betrayal was real or not, even if he set it up himself, and Ratio worries about Aventurines survival, if continuing this plan will end well. “You can’t expect a featherless bird to take flight” isn’t just Ratio chastising Sunday, he’s genuinely worried that this plan will put Aventurine at too much of a disadvantage to continue on. 

But they both trust each other, and if just like in the Dilemma neither come out completely unscathed (although it’s much worse on Aventurine’s end), they ultimately achieve their goal. 

God is it sweet and corny in the best way possible 

I want to kill this fandoms perception of stoic, emotionless Ratio because once people realize he’s actually the corniest mf ever is the day I sleep easy. He makes statues of himself doing Jojo poses, he plays chess versus himself, he named himself Veritas (truth), he loves rubber duckies, he literally sits in a bathtub couch, and Aventurine breaths and he gets flustered.

Ratio so deeply silly, chronically corny, it’s a crime he needs to be locked up someone stop him. 

And Aven brings that out of him. His teasing reveals the goofball trying so desperately to disguise himself as a serious scholar. Ratio is very smart of course, but that only makes his silliness better, as you watch this absolute genius of a man behave like a tsundere schoolgirl. 

It’s not like Aventurine is some paragon of seriousness either, he’s the one teasing Ratio, fucking around even in a serious mission. Yeah it’s partly because he wants Sunday to think he’s incompetent, but it’s also because Aventurine genuinely is having fun, enjoying himself before the serious part of the plan kicks in, and the meantime he does that by messing with Ratio.

Their dynamic of Aventurine messing with Ratio, and Ratio trying desperately to pretend like it doesn’t affect him is as hilarious and heartwarming as it is tragic, and that dichotomy is why I love them so much. It’s fun and it hurts so so much because their interactions being this flavor of silly leaves almost no room for the sincerity they both desperately need from one another. 

AND GOD I NEED IT TO HAPPEN. RATIO MENTAL BREAKDOWN SCENE PLEAASEEE LET HIS WALLS CRUMBLE PLEEEEAASEE PLEASE PELADE PLEASEEEE EPLES DOLS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 

They’ve gotten closer and closer and closer and soon something’s gonna snap because they are so close yet so distant and if something doesn’t change the tension is just gonna boil over AND I NEED IT TO HAPPEN. I need more Ratio scenes I need more interactions with him I need him with his guard down I need him to profess out loud that he cares about Aventurine I need him to break please he needs it, it would be so good for him. It doesn’t even have to be from Aventurine, just Ratio snapping and revealing the fucking mess he is under his facade and not being rejected by the people he cares about for it is enough.

I honestly doubt it will happen in the story though, as much as I want it to. Although Aventurine’s character demo somewhat changed my mind against this, I feel like hoyo is like “ok they get the vibe between these two we can move on” and the shippers are left to extrapolate how this relationship would go beyond what it is now. As much as I want a breakdown scene for Ratio in general, it probably wouldn’t happen in a while but devs if you are reading this PLEASEEEE. 

The only time Ratio ever gets slightly out of his element is with Aventurine but I need it to go further because god it would be interesting.

Well I’ve deemed that enough yapping about why I love Aventio (for now 😈) so let’s talk about why people hate the ship and why most of the reasons behind it a fucking stupid. (Massive disclaimer of course you can dislike it it’s just a lot of the “oh it’s a horrible ship and anyone who likes it sucks” shit isn’t grounded in reality in the slightest and I’m tired of the slander)

“Ratio was racist to Aventurine”

Now this is a spicy one because if this post was made in 2.0 I would 100% agree with you (during that time I shipped a non canon version of them in which that did not happen because how dare u do my boy like that hoyo). However 2.1 changed a lot and I mean a lot, and basically reframed the 2.0 quests for everyone.

Essentially, Ratio and Aventurine were both acting in that argument scene, making the things Ratio said to Aventurine not how he really sees him, and actively something Aventurine wanted him to say, so you cannot blame him for what he said. I’m not even joking or exaggerating, retrospectively it quite literally does not make sense if you view it in any other way, and honestly even with just the knowledge of 2.0 the scene doesn’t make sense if played straight, so let’s get to why.

a) Ratio and Racism do not mix fundamentally. Ratio is a person who believes that everyone deserves and education regardless of background, that it is a scholars duty to help others achieve that, and no matter who you are, you are capable of intelligence, learning and becoming the best version of yourself, and that those qualities are just limited to geniuses.

THIS AND RACISM DO NOT MIX. “Oh yeah education and improvement is possible for everyone except this specific group of people for some fucking reason!!” Like not only would this scene being serious contradict Ratios entire character, the man who believes people should not be judged for their educational background judging Aventurine for his educational background (that’s actually what the Sigonian upbringing line meant, it was mistranslated in the EN version)??!?!! Make it make sense.

Moreover, half this perception also come from the fact that hoyo made the incredible writing decision of naming Aventurines planet after a slur for Romani people, so unfortunately literally anytime its name, Sigonia, is brought up you’re essentially saying a slur. It’s much worse in the CN version, in EN it’s not obvious at all, because our version of the slur (it starts with a g and ends with a y that’s all the hints you’re getting), doesn’t look like the version of the slur that the name for Sigonia was derived from, which is partly the source of this misconception as I’m pretty certain most people assumed Ratio (and by extension Sparkle) said a slur elsewhere in the conversation when in reality them referring to Avens ethnicity/background/planet IS the slur.

Anyways terrible writing decisions aside, Ratio supposedly being racist doesn’t just contradict his core motivation, it contradicts his job. He’s a scholar, for fucks sake, and racism is inherently illogical. Mmm yes I’m gonna base my identity around finding truth for myself and I will believe government and social propaganda about specific groups of people! Very logical, very scholarly, we all clapped. 

So yeah, doesn’t make sense on a character level, to the point that in 2.0 I concluded that they must be using Ratio as a plot device in that scene to deliver some of Aven’s backstory to the audience due to how OOC it was for him 😭. However I wasn’t necessarily wrong, Ratio was delivering some of Aventurines backstory to AN audience (not just us), and he was behaving OOC in the 2.0 scene, but it was on purpose.

b) The betrayal plan 

Aventurine forms a plan in which him and Ratio pretend to betray one another in order to sneak the Aventurine cornerstone into the dreamscape by replacing it with the Topaz stone (red herring + black hole scene dialogue implies she and Jade are there for other reasons) and the Jade stone (perfect dupe). 

Now this betrayal hinges on Sunday, their main antagonist buying it, actually believing that Ratio would betray Aventurine on a mission as important as Penacony, and it requires Sunday also buying that he is winning the whole time, that the loss of the cornerstones was somehow a fumble on Aventurine’s end rather than something he planned all along. 

So, they stage the 2.0 conversation. Ratio yells at Aventurine for losing the cornerstones, something which was part of their plan the whole time. He then insults Aventurine’s background allowing Aventurine to reveal key details of his past that Sunday would not have learned otherwise, which he uses in the trial against Aventurine. Seriously, Aventurine only found out he was the last Avgin when he became a Stoneheart, do y’all think Sunday summoned that info with his mind or something during the trial (like do you guys genuinely think Sunday read his wiki or something)

Moreover, Ratio not only insults him, but portrays Aventurine as useless, disposable to the IPC because he is apparently already sentenced to death. Why does he do this? Well, so Sunday feels confident enough to do the same to Aventurine. Seriously, sentencing an IPC member, especially a high ranking one to death is a risky move, even for someone as convicted as Sunday, he would need the confidence to do so and learning Aven might already die would give him that ability. 

Because well, it doesn’t matter that much if he’s already going to get disposed of in the near future. I also think the IPC plans to use Aventurine’s “death” as leverage against the family because they were pleased to hear of his death sentence according to Dr. Ratio, meaning a) he likely did not have one from them at the time, although in the past he was sentenced to death and b) even if Aventurine succeeded in getting the cornerstone his seeming loss in the rest of the conversation wasn’t actually a loss at all, getting sentenced to death/“dying” at the very least was part of the plan all along as the IPC could still use it as leverage if things went south.

Continually, Ratio treating Aventurine in the exact same sh1tty way the rest of the galaxy does perfectly slots him into the arrogant, uncaring scholar role, which Sunday knows are some of the most easily manipulated people in the galaxy, considering he tries to bribe Ratio with knowledge about Stellarons it seems he bought this idea hook line and sinker. Sunday isn’t even subtle about it either “I heard you and your companion haven’t been getting along lately” where did he hear that from? Ratio didn’t tell him, and even though we know Sunday was 100% watching the two of them on their little adventure pre-meeting him (the bird and hound statues) that scene hasn’t happened yet so where did he get that from?

Some other interesting proof for it is that the Final Victor lightcone likely depicts Aventurine trying to convince Ratio of this plan of his, the events of which must occur  pre-Penacony for several reasons, the least of which being that we just never see it happen on Penacony which if you think it did we would see it. Moreover lightcones are canonically condensed memories and the Final Victor lightcone released in 2.0, meaning it’s the memory of something that happened before then. 

All signs point to the 2.0 scene, the one people use to paint Aventio as toxic being staged. And I have so much more evidence for this, (Ratio would never agree to go without a plan, Aven clearly formed his pre-Penaocny, so much of the plan like Ratio opening the cornerstone box, which he can’t do up until the betrayal as it’s in Sundays possession, rely on him arriving knowing how to do so, the time discrepancies, the complete 180 in personality Ratio would have to do to go from distrusting Aventurine to putting his whole faith in him, etc), but I will reupload one of my old slideshows to elaborate more on it. Basically the one thing that people use to say it’s toxic is not true and is in fact a greater show of the trust between those two. 

“The shippers are all weird and racist” 

Now this one actually has some truth to it because yes there are some incredibly fucking weird Aventio shippers and I do not blame yall for disliking them.

HOWEVER, most Aventio shippers are normal and hate that shit just as much as you guys do. Like do you realize most shippers also really like these characters and have something insane called morals so they don’t automatically excuse racist fujoshi goobers just because they are making content for their favorite ship. Trust me someone doing that pisses me (and most other Aventio shippers) off significantly more than people who hate the ship. Also free Ratio from this shit man poor guy is getting mischaracterized as a slaveowner by his fans and haters 😭

And like guys, have you ever been in a fandom before, like ever? Weirdos are always gonna be weird and it’s not Aventio’s fault they are this months victims. For a fun little example of how gross other fanbases can be, one of the most popular Overwatch ships on ao3 is Genji Shimada X Hanzo Shimada WHO ARE BLOOD RELATED BROTHERS. THERES LIKE 300+ FICS OF IT, SHIMADACEST IS LITERALLY A TAG ON THERE. I WAS IN THE TRENCHES SEARCHING FOR GENJI HANZO ANGST FICS (Hanzo killed Genji it’s complicated doomed siblings will always get me) AND HAVING TO COMB THROUGH THOSE ABOMINATIONS IN THE PROCESS.

Like please I’m relatively new to fandom culture but yall cannot be acting like this is weird for fans to do, it’s weirdo behavior but it is not unique to the HSR fandom or even Aventio. And even if understandably this makes you not like the ship, don’t paint the people who enjoy it as being the people who do this kinda sh1t. It’s not our fault peak gets tainted by miserable creatures ok, let normal ppl have their harmless fun and stop lumping people together into a monolith. 

?????

Well that’s it that’s all the “valid” reasons people have for hating Aventio, at least the ones I can remember. Everything else is just personal opinion and not at all an objective reason.

“They’re so sibling coded!”

Anyways again obviously you can still dislike it not everything is for everyone, I really just wanted to make this post to demonstrate why I and many others like it, and why the reasons people use to say it’s problematic are incorrect. Feel free to call it mid, block it whatever I don’t care, just don’t harass shippers for having some harmless fun, because the characters aren’t real but the people who like them are and in doing so you are really just being a jerk for no reason. If you somehow hate Aventio and read this the whole way through I congratulate you on your ability to actually listen to other people, and regardless of whether you changed your mind or not I respect you for doing so anyways. Thanks for reading and I would love to hear your thoughts. 

[faragonart]

Everyone knows but you...

(ft. @pali-himbo 's Vatii, @cucoo 's Mauve, @kathaynesart 's Valeia, @jolsondraws ' Nahkal, and @tazzire-boreal's Tazzire~!)

[couch-house]

happy birthday @themetalvirus !! i thought it would be nice if biscuit the betta got to b appreciated for their birthday too :) hope u have a good one!!

[skitskatdacat63]

2023 Dutch Grand Prix - Fernando Alonso(ft. Max Verstappen & Pierre Gasly)

[thecruellestmonth]

Do you guys really believe that killing is the singular bad thing that cops do?

Or even that killing is the most frequent bad thing that cops do?

Are you saying that if cops didn't kill, then they'd be the same as Batman? Because then you're suggesting that effectively Batman already is a cop, with the exception that he hasn't killed (just like the majority of U.S. cops, who have never once shot or killed anybody).

I'm a bit worried to see opinions suggesting that only killing is wrong—and that violence, stalking, and humiliation are okay. In real-life, police commit countless acts of those "little" abuses, terrorizing entire communities, before they murder anybody.

Invading people's privacy is wrong. Hurting people to the point of hospitalization is wrong. Forcibly drugging people is wrong. Putting people in cages is wrong. Torture and "enhanced interrogation" are wrong. Ambushing people in their homes and safe places is wrong. Keeping inexhaustible wealth is wrong.

Superhero comics are power fantasies. Not all fantasies need to reflect our ideology in reality. But once you apply your real-life values to fiction, once you decide that fiction showcases exemplary real-life ideology—then your praise for Batman's ideology does become a worrying reflection of your real-life understanding of social issues.

[vegaseatsass]

DFF 11 spoilers

Gonna have to rewatch that episode like 5x to catch everything, please I hope fandom heeds Perth's words and gets on the Tee -> Non train, Tee just looks so good SAD!!! and Non deserves the closure of hearing that he wasn't targeted out of true malice, or like the way it feels to him, his own innate unstoppable bullyability, but out of desperation and opportunism? You know? His sad boy rizz had 100% hooked Tee by the end and I want Non to get to see that and revel in it. Anyway right now me and the girlies are rooting for a Perth/White/Non secondary revenge team.

[jaarijani]

Käärijä Antwerp gig recap!!!

I HAVE THOUGHTS of course i do i dont shut the hell up ever you should know this about me by now

i arrived there at around 9 am bc of train delays but there were only 10 people there then and for the longest time it was just the 15 of us so 15 gang ily sm!!! i loved sitting and chatting with all of you you made those 10+ hours go by SO FAST ❤️❤️❤️

the tour bus arrived at around 12ish and we all stood around for a while until they finally came out

häärijä BEELINED to Ed, ignoring us completely, it was so funny

he was so sweet oh my god i love him 💛

while he distracted us Jere sneaked off the bus

as Jere walked back to the bus i saw him wave so i waved back and he came over to say hi!!! right in front of me!!! he was so sweet too 😭💚

you cannot comprehend how beautiful this man is irl oh my god

sidenote: he was SO surprised some of us woke up super early to travel all the way from the Netherlands

people started giving gifts and asking for pics and he said to form a line so we could all have a pic and he called himself santa claus lmao

i have the forbidden knowledge of Jeres height as he's exactly as tall as me 😈

OKAY THE ACTUAL GIG

it was so amazing???

his energy is so good and the audience matched him SO well today

he was CLEARLY feeling so much better today he was so happy and smiley and he seemed genuinely surprised by how crazy we were

we chanted käärijä after almost every song

VOITTAJA CHANT

i blacked out during hirttää kinni???? it was so good and its my fav at he moment and suddenly we were done??? no wait take me back

he talked about huhhahhei and said "when two guys go on a love boat together" paraphrasing but sIR!!!

AND THEN he did a whole bit about bojan again? he sang a little song wondering where he was and that he misses him and JERE PLEASE I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE

i have a video of this btw

Emilia fucking SLAPPED icip again holy shit she matched his energy perfectly

i feel like he didnt want to go again!!! he just stayed and talked about doing what you love and being true to youself WHILE the reggae mix was playing

it was so fun so good i had an amazing time 💚💚💚💚💚 and am low key considering going to finland next year

also shout out to Ed @submariini and his amazing Häärijadar bc we share the same birthday??!!!! october 29 babeyy

[actiumalpha]

first 15 pages of chap 2 are all scheduled for this friday !

[krynutsreal]

“It wasn’t real. It’s just a nightmare.”

TEEHEE OKAUY DOKKAAY HIII THIS IS FAN ART FOR THE ISHIMONDO FIC JEALOUSY!!!!! BY @chinateacup !!!!!! ITS FROM CHAPTER 4!!! I keep rereading it constantly and so of course I gotta draw out some scenes, to be fair I had drawn the above doodles on my sketchbook but wasn't satisfied with how they turned out (also messed up a few details) BUT !!! u guys can still see em cause yeag

ALSO ALSO DREW A SCENE FROM CHAPTER 3!!! BECAYSE I ❤️ AOI AND TAKA FRIENDSHIP!!!!

original doodle:

YEAG that's it for now I probably will do more drawings for this fic (and other fics I really enjoy) when I'm able to, please PLEASE !!!! GO CHECK OUT THE FIC IF U HAVENT !!! ALSO SUPPORT THE AUTHOR TOO BC RAAAAHHH their writing is so epic I go crazy normal everytime I read their works 👍 ok that's all guys peace n love until next time

[verraising]

i am short of breath standing next to you. i am out of my depth at this altitude. -♡-

[idaaadivock]

not to talk about dune on main but like. lisan al-gaib became an instant meme in the theater i was at. like great acting amazing music (thank you hans zimmer you're a real one) phenomenal photography and setting and fight choreography

but stilgar's LISAN AL-GAIB in every circumstance possible was so funny it made the whole theater erupt into laughter directly after the fight with feyd-rautha which is supposed to be like. poignant ig and powerful and an overall vibe

y'all hit the wrong vibe besties 😭😭

[sparring-spirals]

i just love it when characters Say Things. u kno. just a real sucker for characters. Saying Shit.

Imogen saying "She's not any person. She was special. She was chosen." (Chosen, once, twice, thrice, for an early end). Ashton saying "Do I look like a person who doesn't know that?" (That things often have unsatisfying ends). F.C.G saying: "It seems kind of hard." (being alive, finding purpose). Orym saying "It always mattered." (F.C.G's life, what they chose to do with it, them). Ashton saying "I have had a lifetime, of bad hits." (Hits, and falls, and losses, that I am weathering. But I am telling you where I am drawing my lines, here and now.) Imogen saying "Laudna, you're safe!" (we chased off the shadows, you're not alone, you're safe, we're here).

F.C.G saying: "Well, I have to live."

Ashton saying: "Unfortunate, but true."

im just. such a fan of characters saying things, all the time, about all kinds of things, with all kinds of meanings. God i just. love it. when characters say shit. u feel me.

[creaturefeaster]

Did you make Michael and Gary gay just so there was an uwu kitten with a big strong bad boy bf on purpose or

I have no clue what you're talking about Gary is an underweight sleazeball and Michael's got the fate of the entire universe to think about. Michael might be pink and a little ignorant but he's not what I'd call. an uwu kitten. Gary acts punk and tough but he's just been hiding in isolation for years doing fuck all.

[innitmarvellous]

So I read some books about aro & ace identities recently, because while I am quite sure that I'm ace and probably even aroace, I'm still struggling a lot with the ramifications of this discovery about myself, even though I first noticed this about myself a few years ago.

That's why I tried to make myself feel better by reading these books in the hope that it might be helpful in any way...and that's also why I took some notes about things that always bugged me in some way, both while reading the books and before that. (I'm not done with the books, but I already noticed enough recurring issues for a whole post.)

First, I really would like to feel at least sort of good about it. It doesn't have to be pride, just some sense of it being alright. I know that's not a prerequisite, but I don't want to feel unhappy and uneasy all the time just because of my identity :/

And there are some things I like about it. For example, having found a name and explanation for whatever is going on with me was undoubtedly nice, and I like the fact that the community seems to be very open to people identifying as ace or aro no matter where they exactly are on the spectrum. Well, there are always the exclusionists, but that's technically the consensus and I like that.

Still, there is this unpleasant feeling that doesn't seem to go away. The fact that there is something I will never understand and never experience - despite desperately wanting to. I guess that is the problem if something just isn't there, and that's just so hard to accept. Like, other people also might struggle with their orientation, but at least they do have the option to find someone who feels the same and will enter a relationship with them - while this is entirely impossible for me. And I think that's where I struggle the most, honestly. Knowing that there is no way to get the thing I want with my logical mind, because my feelings won't allow me to - and thus people on the outside won't consider me as 'relationship material' in any form since I'm lacking something crucial. And yes, I entirely understand that this would make people avoid me when it comes to relationships. After all I could never give them the thing they would expect from a relationship and it would be unfair towards them if I entered a relationship while being unable to do so. But it really doesn't make it hurt any less, and it definitely doesn't make me feel good about myself. There is something missing about me, that's just an undeniable fact and it reduces my worth in the eyes of others. Is that fair? Maybe not - I can't say, as I can't see things from their perspective - but it just is how things are. But it is very, very hard to accept.

Oh, and there is another thing that keeps being mentioned: namely that relationships without sex or of course also even fully platonic relationships are possible. But honestly? That doesn't really comfort me at all :') Because...I wasn't even nice and attractive (in both a physical and personality sense) - and whatever else - enough for a "normal" relationship, so it feels downright illusory to tell myself that someone will accept me despite my "defects" (if that's what I'll call them in this context, since that would be an allo person's view in most cases, I assume) and agree to have whatever kind of deeper relationship with me. That sounds like such a nice dream, and yet that's all it is and will remain: a dream. It's simply impossible, and that just feels bad. Because I would want to have closer connections to people, but I can't. Idk, but that is a bit cruel, especially as it isn't exactly my fault because of a choice I made.

I also feel kind of uncomfortable identifying myself as queer or part of the LGBTQIA+ community. I'd like to, but idk, I fear I wouldn't really be welcome in most queer spaces since I used to think I was heterosexual before I came across the terms ace and aro. Also, I was never oppressed due to my identity and had technically no trouble to pass as more or less some kind of straight allo late bloomer, so idk... And well, I see why my constant talking about some fictional/celeb mancrush I've got might make people think that I'm a liar and just pretend to be aro or ace for attention or other reasons. In fact, the exact same thing happened to me when a guy fell in love with me and I was forced to tell him about probably being ace. He didn't believe it because "I was always crushing on anime guys" and basically accused me of deliberately leading him on and it wasn't pleasant :/ (But I can't help it...I mean, a celeb crush doesn't require me to act on anything! I just find a guy attractive in whatever shape or form and it makes me happy to have my silly little daydreams about him and whatever. But it doesn't necessarily mean I graphically dream of fucking him, despite what I might jokingly say.) Anyway, I think it would be useful if I could confidently use the term queer for myself because idk, it would make things easier. As in, I'm definitely not "normal" aka not the standard straight cis person I once believed to be, but yeah...I still doubt that I would be allowed to call myself queer. I'm too different to be considered normal and too normal to be considered queer, I guess. So I'm sure people wouldn't be too happy about me pushing into their communities. Falling between the chairs again :')

Maybe all of my doubts and all that stuff...it's not so surprising, though. I mean, I kind of assume that most people wouldn't be too happy at the prospect of lifelong solitude and loneliness, without any chance to form deeper bonds with other people. Or maybe it's just me, who knows. It definitely scares the hell out of me and I hate it so, so much. And well, that makes it so difficult to make peace with this annoying sexual/romantic orientation of mine. (I would change it if I could...but alas we all know that's impossible.) I don't know what I exactly expected, but I surely didn't sign up to a rather sad lonely life of unhappiness and yet that is exactly what I will get :/ Another thing that is very hard to accept, and I genuinely wonder how other people managed to deal with that... I know accepting it and facing that truth is the only possible way, but yeah...I still can't bring myself to feel good about this. I mean, I've been lonely for my entire life, so I don't know...maybe I just hoped this would change at some point in the future and finding out that this will never happen now is kind of soul-crushing, honestly.

Lastly, I know that this is mostly a lengthy and overly personal rant post, so maybe no one has even read until here. But if someone did and feels like commenting, then I would really appreciate that, because...I still don't really feel fully enlightened on how I'm supposed to feel now. Maybe talking to actual people would help, but who knows. Again, I'd appreciate it if anyone wants to share their thoughts (my DMs are also open btw), although I'm aware that a random Tumblr post probably isn't the best way to solve my problem. ^^