#source: callmekevin

[terrorquotestm]

Hickey: Yes! This is the perfect opportunity for assault on an officer.

[bluesylveon2]

Glorious Masquerade Book 3 summarized:

Yo shits on fire. How did that happen?

[xneon-lucidx]

Someone added Bitchergiggle to the sexypedia so I guess he's here now

[labitchette]

"Come to think of it, I invaded their country and beat them to death with a pipe. So yeah I'm the bad guy now. In my defence, they have treasure and i want it."

-England

[random-ish-incorrect-quotes]

You have made a very powerful, but stupid enemy!

-Courier Six (Screamed at Benny as he flees ‘The Tops’)

[anotherincorrectquotesblog]

A: What are you doing socialising with your children, you weirdo? Go to work!

[epicincorrectreckonersquotes]

Tia, looking at Prof after the Steelheart fight: In his condition, I would prescribe aspirin.

David: Or an obituary!

[maryeve-the-bitch]

Dan: Do you want to help me commit arson?

Kevin: What the hell?!

Dan: oh sorry.

Dan, whispering: Do you want to help me commit arson?

Kevin, whispering: of course. what do you need?

[youtubeminuscontext]

So far the plan has just been corn and revenge.

CallMeKevin

[cringyboi42069]

RTGame regenerates into CallMeKevin (Green Screen Edit)

Source: youtube.com

[terrorquotestm]

Blanky: Well it wasn't too bad, was it? I mean, I almost died, but 'almost' is the key word here.

[totallycorrectresidentevil]

Well it wasn't too bad, was it? I mean, I almost died, but 'almost' is the key word here

Leon

[frauleinfunf]

Eda: I for one am against these violent video games. As a mother, and a wife, an alcoholic, a poker addict, and a kleptomaniac.

[labitchette]

England: Knowledge is power. that's why I'm not letting anyone have it.

[incorrectquotes----andfear]

[Alternate Version of Jesse and Ivor trying to get Harpers headset but they work for Harper and are just trying to get into the lab lmao]

Jesse, on the phone: Hey, Boss. Yeah, I don't have a key to get in, could you tell me where to find it?

Jesse: It's- wait-

Jesse: What- A rose key? (to Ivor) wait, should I write this down?

Jesse: There's a rose key?...And an Ice key and a torch key? And I need to-

Jesse: I need to solve the riddles-

Ivor: What?

Jesse: So that I can...Get it from in the-WhAt??

[draconicsplendor]

Oh, hi! I can help!

So many of the game mechanics make no sense (why does digging a 2x2 hole and filling opposite corners with water make an infinite source that won't run dry? Why are sand blocks, gravel blocks, and mobs the only things affected by gravity? WHAT DO YOU MEAN STRING CRAFTS WOOL AND THE COMPASSES DON'T POINT NORTH?)

Unfortunately dropped items disappear after a few minutes, but I've explained some other stuff under the cut:

Minecraft Tutorial from a Very Casual Player

Bed

You've already got a shelter, crafting table, and furnace, which is great!

Your next course of action should be making a bed.

You can use the string you've been gathering to make 3 wool blocks, which can used along with 3 wooden planks to make a white bed. But it's easier to kill sheep for their wool instead, since they drop entire blocks of the stuff. If you had iron, I'd suggest shearing them, but most people can't afford to be humane this early.

[Insert crafting recipe image)

You should target white sheep, since those are the easiest to find, and you need all 3 wool blocks to be the same colour when you make a bed. We can dye it a fun colour later on, but for now, a plain white bed will serve you just fine.

You can right-click the bed at any time of day to respawn near the bed when you die, and skip the night. I'm assuming you know this (Kevin is referring to CallMeKevin, right?), but trust me, new players die A LOT. You'll thank me later.

Lighting

Monsters can spawn in your bases if they aren't well-lit. It used to be light level 7 or below, but now they'll only spawn in complete darkness (level 0). I'm telling you, kids these days have it too easy. No more being chased out of your own strip mines.

Wooden pickaxes can mine coal, and I'm assuming you have one if you've already made a furnace. Combine your coal with a stick (which is crafted with two wooden planks of any type) and you have a few torches that will never ever burn out.

[Insert image]

You can also use wooden planks, sticks, or your old wooden tools to smelt logs into charcoal and craft torches that way, but most players don't, because burning logs feels a lot more tedious than mining (even though it's not). And it's usually better to save wood to use as a building material or emergency fuel at this stage in the game.

Put a couple torches in your base, and a couple scattered around it to avoid morning jumpscares.

Tools

Now it's time to make a wooden pickaxe, shovel, and axe (or 3 of each to be safe, they break quickly). Shovels aren't as necessary, but there's a lot of dirt and gravel underground, your hand is slow, and all tools break faster if they aren't used for their specific purposes.

Gather some stone and wood to make sticks, and make yourself some tools. Stone shovels and axes can break all the same stuff as their wooden counterparts, but they're both faster and more durable, and your shiny new stone pickaxe can mine copper and iron.

Ignore the copper for now, and mine down to anywhere between Y=24-Y=56 for some iron. But Y=16 has the most.

If you're playing Java Edition (Windows, Mac, Linux), you can press F3 to enter the debug menu, which has the XYZ coordinates and the coordinates of the block your feet are mostly in:

The scribbles cover the unimportant info about my computer. I find the block coords easier to read so they're what I highlighted.

If the debug menu doesn't open, try alt+F3, or temporarily switch every function key to its alternate by pressing fn+esc and THEN F3. If you use the last one, it can be switched back by pressing fn+esc again. My computer's function keys double as volume and brightness controls, so I have to switch often.

Complicated? I know. But it's easier on Bedrock Edition (which is on every platform, including Windows, Mac and Linux, but you can play cross-platform with console and mobile players. Just go into the world settings and enable this:

Which is gonna put this beaut on your screen:

This may make you think of Cartesian coordinates, where Y is the north/south coordinate and Z is the up/down coordinate, but you are wrong. Everybody is wrong in the block game. The Y coordinate goes up and down for reasons not even Jeb knows.

Or perhaps he does, but the knowledge would make us too powerful...

Farming

GOD I'm getting tired. Just smelt whatever raw iron you find, make a bucket with 3 of the ingots, dig trenches for the irrigation every 2 rows or so, use the bucket to fill the trenches with water AND now you need a hoe to till the soil. After a while you'll notice the soil has become darker which means it's saturated with water, so it won't dry out as long as the water is there. It should look something like this:

The fences aren't necessary, but helpful if you want to stop animals or monsters from trampling them.

Now plant your wheat until it's mature, then harvest by punching it. And you can use it to make bread, hay bales, and not much else on its own. But the food is nice.

Mature wheat should look like this (unless you're using a texture pack or playing an older version):

I hope this helped! I can't help with any redstone stuff or the ender dragon fight but I do know grow plants, make house, and find rocks.

Started playing Minecraft. I blame Kevin.

I only just found out how to make a shelter to survive the night. I could have made stone tools but i got killed and lost my stuff (didn't want to go back during the night to get them)