#spanglish alert

[psychewritesbs]

Hii~~ greetings from Argentina oh juremos con gloria a morir~~

Question, do you have any hcs/ assumptions of what Touji’s early life in the clan was like? Cause I’d like to hear you out🥺

HOLA my dear CABAnon ♥ ¡Al gran pueblo Argentino, saludsita! 🍻

hcs about this man you ask...

Why I'm happy to bs about it under the cut mwahaha.

BUT FIRST... clarification:

I'm actually more of a daddy Sukuna stan... literally no one asked you, v.

Or basically how I just love this panel of Sukuna and GO. BACK. TO. YOUR BODY ALREADY DAMMIT!

Also, in case people have not noticed, I have such an obsession with Megumi that I sleep on any arc where he's not front and center. It's, literally, a #thing I am afflicted by.

So I must confess I don't spend a lot of time thinking about anyone else in this darn manga and most people who send me asks haven't realized yet how much of a fraud I am LOL.

So, no, I spend absolutely no time thinking about Toji's swag.

Zero time thinking about his sexy back.

Nope.

Sorry not sorry Toji, but...

Ok he's KINDA sexy. kinda.

So to answer your ask I pulled panels that I think might say something about Toji and then mixed it all with my perhaps unrealistic hc that Toji was actually quite the domestic daddy. It just so happened to be that Megumi-mama's death broke him.

Basically Toji is such a tragic character.

I am no longer who I used to be

So first there's defo a clear delineation in how Toji perceives himself. The person he was before he took the Fushiguro last name, Zenin Toji, and Fushiguro Toji.

And remember, names have power because they define your sense of self. ngl I love that my name is victoria.

I think there's some disagreement as to who was Fushiguro, whether Megumi's mom or Tsumiki's mom, but I personally prefer the idea that it was Megumi's mom.

My perspective, I'll admit, is a bit romanticized, it's just that Toji is always shown as being sentimental about Megumi and Megumi-mama.

So I like the idea that he took the Fushiguro last name because it was Megumi's mom's. I feel like in his head this also served the purpose of hiding himself and leaving behind the person he used to be. That is not to mention that it would also help keep Megumi a secret from the Zenin.

Self-sabotage runs in the family

I get the sense that Toji internalized all of the toxic masculinity of the Zenin household and expressed it by being a complete fuck up.

I get the sense that Toji was so disillusioned with life that he just allowed himself to become the worst version of himself until he met Megumi's mom.

He was also a womanizer, which implies that he knew he was good looking or was attractive to others and probably used that to his advantage.

Toji, truly was, irredeemable.

Just appalling behavior, really.

But I think that's part of Toji's tragedy, that just like Megumi, Toji did not grow up in an environment that was conducive to fostering one's best self. It's like a testament of how damaging extreme psychological attitudes like the ones held by the Zenin can poison the psyche and the sense of self and severely limit its ability to self-actualize.

In that sense, Toji and Megumi (more specifically Megumi) are examples of breaking the cycle of trauma from abuse. It's all about generational trauma getting passed on generation after generation until someone can break the curse.

So yeah, we gotta talk about everybody's favorite toxic family, the Kardashians Zenin.

The Zenin

Now, the irony of the Zenin is that their last name is a literal allusion to a family that is "Zen". And what is Zen if not mindfulness?

Quite the contrary, the Zenin, as an institution within Jujutsu society, epitomize everything that is wrong with Jujutsu Society: misogyny, toxic masculinity, corruption.

There's this really "cute" platitude, something about "bloom where you're planted."

And I believe you can bloom where you're planted. But when the very soil that is the basis for your sense of self is poisoned, well, the way you bloom is going to be a little poisoned.

So I imagine Toji's behavior was a sort of open defiance to the pressure to perform and conform to the unrealistic expectation his family held of him.

For that reason, I think the fact that he's a direct descendant of the previous head of the Zenin clan is a big fucking deal. Like, how are you going to be the son of the clan's head and not even be able to use Cursed Energy?

The nerve!

In other words, if he couldn't be accepted for who he was, what was the point in trying? Why not just give up altogether and be a complete and utter fuck up?

This portion of the post was sponsored by red wine. Thank you red wine.

Sorcerer Killer

Is it a collective headcanon or canon that Toji started killing sorcerers as a way to impose his sense of self against the injustice of being rejected for not having the same abilities as sorerers?

I'm assuming someone said "I'll pay you" and he said "sure ok" and he just became known as the person to go to if you wanted to kill a sorcerer.

Like father, like son

This epic panel...

Is a testament to how broken Fushiguro Toji is.

How does a father forget his son? Or more like... how does a father make himself forget he has a son he would rather forget he has?

Anyways, this reads to me like psychological suppression. And I have to wonder how much Toji had to resort to suppressing himself and his thoughts while growing up in the Zenin household.

Yeah you could take the panel at face value, or you can take the whole context of Toji's backstory and the environment he grew up in, + the tragedy of Megumi Mama's death, and wonder whether Toji cared so much about Megumi that he knew the best thing for him was to not be in his life.

He's a fuck up, right? Worst of the worst. So what's better than abandoning his child with someone else who is capable of caring for him the way he can't?

That's a lot of self-awareness on Toji's behalf if you ask me.

I just get the sense that Toji does not see himself as a "good" person and doesn't care to prove anyone wrong about it.

Toji had to learn to control his strength

Like... what if something as simple as splitting chopsticks is something that requires a lot of finesse and concentration for Toji? Makes me wonder if Toji had to learn to regulate his strength.

Toji is utterly unimpressed

Due to the word choice in the panel above, I have to wonder about how Toji perceives most people who can use cursed energy.

In other words, he's completely unimpressed with most sorcerers and their abilities because he has found he can overpower the vast majority of them with raw strength alone.

Think of it this way, he's the direct descendant of the head of the Zenin clan and is considered an anomaly and a failure due to his inability to use Cursed Energy, right?

Now...

If, in the words of a Zenin, the Zenin clan exists because of Toji's whim, that tells me that the Zenin feared Toji's physical prowess even if they did not acknowledge him.

It tells me Toji was perhaps unafraid to demonstrate his strength in order to gain respect from others in a similar way Maki did during the Perfect Preparation arc.

But for some reason Toji never quite did anything about it and instead decided to leave the clan.

I wondered for a sec whether Naobito perhaps defeated him but then I remembered how easily Toji took on Dagon compared to Naobito struggling.

I think what's sad about it is that after going to such lengths, Toji still found himself as the clan's reject.

In a sense, even if he could wipe out the clan, it wouldn't achieve being accepted and acknowledged as a human by them. And honestly, I can't say for sure that he wanted to be accepted and cherished by the Zenin, but the human need to belong is incredibly powerful.

So to see him call himself a monkey in spite of what he's able to accomplish shows how deep that wound runs.

To see his endless plight to validate himself in a world that denied him the belonging he most likely desperately sought...

And it's a real tragedy just how damaged Toji's self esteem is and how growing up in the Zenin clan completely destroyed his self-esteem.

Which brings us back full circle to...

I am no longer who I used to be + Megumi-Mama

Fudge me.

I know you specifically asked about Toji's early life in the clan but I find myself unable to write about Toji without addressing the clear delineation of who Zenin Toji was before he became Fushiguro Toji.

Again, this is assuming that Megumi's mom was the one with the Fushiguro last name, which I don't think Gege has confirmed.

But there's just something about how Toji was changed from his meeting Megumi's mom and Megumi's birth.

If Zenin Toji was unafraid to impose his will in order to validate himself through raw strength, we can assume from the panels above that Fushiguro Toji became someone whose priorities were reorganized when he met Megumi's mom.

Perhaps for the first time in his life he saw a reason to become the better version of himself and then he had that taken from him.

Breaking the curse of intergenerational trauma

Last but not least, Toji passes the torch onto Megumi...

I love that even though Toji had set out for Megumi to be sold to the Zenin clan because he thought it was the best for him, he is glad to hear his son did not have to grow up in the same toxic environment he grew up in.

God I love Jujutsu Kaisen... please excuse me while I go cry in the corner.

Anyways...

Spanglish Alert

Que hongo CABAnon? Gracias por el ask! Espero q mi tangente no halla sido muy tangencial LOL. Ya ves, con eso d q tiendo a irme por otros rumbos.

Anyways, me dió mucha curiosidad q compartieras ese pedacito del himno nacional Argentino pq inmediatamente pensé en el himno Mexicano y el himno Mexicano es total y completamente acerca d la guerra.

Me quedé con el ojo cuadrado pq nunca me había tomado el tiempo para pensar en la posible razón por la q el himno Mexicano está enfocado en q los Mexicanos vamos al grito d guerra.

En fin. Será por la lucha de independencia contra España y la sangre indígena hablando por medio de los mestizos?

Oh well... gracias d nuevo y muchos saludos!

[lieutenantfloyd]

MW2 men + General headcanons

Includes: Ghost, Soap, Alejandro, Price, Gaz, and Rodolfo

Ghost

Keeps a hello Kitty keychain in his pocket at all times (and can’t sleep without it)

Insists on getting stuffed crust every time he/someone orders pizza

Spends a lot of time daydreaming

Is always listening to music (It keeps him alert and helps keep his anxiety away)

Has bad sensory issues + ticks and intrusive thoughts

Hates cilantro (but doesn’t think it tastes like soap)

Isn’t allowed to use sharp objects in the kitchen

Sometimes eats toothpaste *as a treat*

Has a library card and only uses it to check out joke books intended for 3rd grader’s 

Never returns the books and now has thousands of dollars in late fees

Soap

His favorite food is cherry pie

 Eats multiple bowls of cereal a day (Price is becoming concerned)

Isn’t a huge fan of his Mohawk, but he thinks it makes him look tougher

Reads romance books in his free time

Meticulously shapes his eyebrows every few weeks

Drinks orange juice after brushing his teeth every morning

Spends way too much money on Marzipan De La Rosa + cries every time it breaks

Alejandro

Smells like vanilla, leather, and sage with a hint of roses

Keeps hard candy in his pockets at all times

Rudy is the only person he trusts to cut his hair

Lives on his family’s ranch outside of Las Almas

Frequently invites Los Vaqueros to his ranch and always makes sure they have a warm meal and a safe place to sleep

Comes from a long line of Vaqueros, and named Los Vaqueros in their honor

Gives great, albeit unsolicited, advice

His favorite song is California Love by 2Pac

Makes sure both TF 141 and Los Vaqueros know they can come to him for anything, even the most small of problems

Price

Has three older sisters

Is a natural ginger

Spent most of his childhood in Australia

Watches early 2000’s romcoms in his bunk when he’s deployed (and always ends up sobbing into his pillow)

Has a wide knowledge of Middle age and Saxon history

Loves a good mocktail

Reads a lot of Historical fiction

Has accidentally eaten dog treats (thinking they were cookies) on more than one occasion

His hat was a gag Christmas gift from Laswell but he thought it was serious + is his favorite gift he’s ever received

Dresses up as Santa every year and forces everyone to sit on his lap and tell him what they want for Christmas

Gaz

Didn't join the army when he was 18, and instead worked on yachts and charter ships for a few seasons

Struggles with self confidence + often feels like he doesn't belong with 141

Has very strong opinions on the PlayStation vs Xbox debate

Really admired Ghost, but is too nervous to tell him

His favorite video game is DBH

Is in a secret Book/Movie club with Price and Soap

Develops a crush on almost everyone he meets

Rudy

Has family in South Texas and spent a lot of time there as a kid

Has always dreamed of being a singer/songwriter 

Was a very shy/socially anxious kid (and still struggles with social anxiety)

Is a a massive soccer fan + was captain of the neighborhood soccer team

Growing up he spoke Spanglish at home. Which is why he doesn’t really have an accent despite understanding a lot more English than he speaks 

When speaking English he often trips over his words + has to ask Alejandro for the right word/translation

Is a follower, not a leader

is 4-6 years younger than Alejandro

Has several older sisters who helped raise him

First met Alejandro when he was 10-12 years old because he briefly dated one of Rudy’s sisters

After they broke up, Alejandro still came around to visit Rudy, and the two quickly became like brothers

Wasn’t interested in joining the Army at first, but Alejandro convinced him

[wyntr-thyms-2sh1ne]

El Castillo de Encanto: Que Tú Eres Mi Destino

The Castle of the Enchantment: That You Are My Destiny

Each new gift given by the miraculous candle was meant to strengthen the community, strengthen the El Castillo de Encanto. To make the royal Madrigal family proud.

You work as a personal servant within the Royal Madrigal's family castle, but after the fall of the Castillo and rebirth of the miracle, your work plans change. Time to make the missing triplet feel at home once again.

The dictionary of my spanglish and bad timeline: - El Castillo de Encanto the casita in this version. - Reader is technically 22 years old. - I'm using a mix of a magical democratic monarchy and traditional Spanish, Colombian, and a dash of Downton Abbey

Chapter ambience: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLWbKf4YcAA

Fifty years ago, a newly widowed mother received a miracle. Pushed out of her home after the birth of her three children by the violent conflict of the Colombian civil war, she and her husband were forced to flee in hopes of finding a new home. Even as many joined them, they could not escape the dangers of warfare. The wife watched as her newly fathered husband was lost to the violence of war. But, even in their darkest moment, Alma Madrigal was given a miracle.

The candle she held became a magical flame that could never go out, and glowed brightly in that dark night. It blessed Alma Madrigal with a refuge in which to live. The magic made towering green, protective mountains over her and her people. It was a place of wonder, an enchantment. The miracle grew, creating a castle for her and her family to live in, El Castillo de Encanto. Their house, the castle itself, came alive to shelter them.

When her children came of age, the miracle blessed them with magic too. Passing down to them a magical gift to match the magical candle Queen Alma Madrigal was bestowed. And when their children came of age, that magic was passed through each generation. Together, the royal family's gifts have made the Encanto, truly, a paradise.

Each new gift given by the miraculous candle was meant to strengthen the community, strengthen the El Castillo de Encanto. To make the royal Madrigal family proud.

Each gift given to the Madrigal’s was just as special as they were. 

~~~

When you wake up you do so to the sound of a ringing bell, loud and clanging to purposefully alert the women and men around you. You jump up so fast being so startled and smack your forehead on the wooden panel of the bunk above you. With a small hiss and rubbing your forehead, you stumble out of bed, grabbing at the clothes under your bed frame. The woman above you does too. Everyone around is scrambling to get their royal garb on, whispering in excitement. 

Today we move back into El Castillo de Encanto! The Castle! 

You had to admit how relieved you were. It was so cramped in this temporary arrangement the servants of the Madrigal family found themselves in while the magic was still weak. This was usually where the nuns from the church would stay. 

Truly, a humble celibate life they live… You think to yourself as you use a silvery, shiny ribbon to quickly tie your hair into a low ponytail. 

Ten years ago, the village of Encanto fretted over the state of the magic blessing when Mirabel Madrigal did not receive a gift like the rest of her family. Not even 24 hours later, one of the royal magical triplets in the second generation known as “Bruno, la maldición del destino” by most of the town, disappeared. 

You were only 12 when this all happened, working alongside your parents as an apprentice of servitude. When you were 13, you were working alone without your parents anymore. You weren’t sure why they passed away so young.

You loved your parents. The Columbian political unrest was too much, most nights they could see the smoke billowing from other towns around them being lit aflame. When your mother got pregnant with you they had a hard decision to make, stay with their friends and family and be in their home, or leave to ensure the safety of their future daughter- you. They thought and thought until your mother was incredibly far along in her pregnancy and the smoke got closer and closer, until they could see orange in the village nearby. The flames licked upwards, burning the homes of innocent families. So, with nothing but a bag with a blanket and a mysterious letter that didn’t have a return address with directions, they set out to find the mysterious Encanto.

You still had that letter. You had practically memorized what it had written on it. In shiny golden metallic font, it stated, “The Encanto, home for anyone looking for refuge or a miracle. Follow the butterflies. Climb the forested mountain. It is waiting for you.” They did. Somehow, they told you, they found it. It was almost like being lost and blinking and suddenly realizing where you’re going. They walked by the butterflies they saw. They took the nights in the cover of the jungle forests. They hiked up mountains. 

They actually saw the castle, and almost as if it was meant to be, your mother went into labor. You remembered sitting there and listening to this story as a child with wonder coursing through your veins. The magical royal family was alerted to them as newcomers, and they took pity on your mother and father. You were born inside the castle, brought into the world by none other than her Majesty Juileta Madrigal. The Madrigals favored your parents' perseverance and love for you as their daughter. They were personally assigned to be paid and housed as servants of the Madrigal family. 

Which, in the Encanto, was a very good job many of the villagers would be envious of. 

Your mother became Juileta’s personal servant. Your father, Bruno’s. You would remember how your mom would come back to the servants quarters with a smile on her face and a treat for you. Your father… Typically would come back looking worried and flop on his bed for a minute before winding down and being his usual self. 

When you were 5 that was when the apprenticeship started happening. Nothing really like backbreaking work, the servants usually never had to do that. You followed in your parents footsteps and worked to be a personal servant. The Madrigals had servants for everything. Teachers, babysitters, clothes, cooking, training- anything! A passion could easily be followed. Like your mother and father, from a young age you really liked order. You liked cleaning, putting things in place, choosing outfits and hairstyles or decorating rooms to be more cozy.

When Mirabel came of age for her gift, and the ceremony was a disaster as she didn’t even get a gift, your mother and father seemed both distraught. Then, Bruno disappeared. Your father suddenly and immediately declined. He wouldn’t get up for his servant job from his bunk. He only spoke to you and your mother. You couldn’t even think of how many times he whispered “you know I love you, right?” to you and your mother every night. You knew he blamed himself for Bruno disappearing, perhaps. Maybe he thought he should’ve done a better job? You didn’t know. You were too young to know. 

Your mother passed first, however. You remember her waking up really early that day and whispering “I love you mi luna” to your dad, kissing his cheek before leaving. You don’t know exactly what happened. You think maybe a stroke. But your mother passed while working, and it was so quick Juileta couldn’t get to her in time to heal her. 

When your father heard the news he was devastated. He held you that night. When you woke up to get breakfast you came back to him cold, and lifeless, still in his bunk. You knew he died of a broken heart. 

You wished to have a love like your parents. A marriage like them. But ever since they passed you have focused on working and being the most reliable servant in the Castillo. Because of that, at the ripe young age of 13 you were assigned to La Riena Alma’s biggest mess. 

Mirabel Madrigal. 

Her Queen Alma Madrigal found the gift-less grandchild to be a pain, invisible, not as special as the rest of the magical family. When she saw how hard you worked even at your age and everything that had happened she grew content with making you the girls permanent personal servant. 

You didn’t complain. 

By then she was 7. And Mirabel was the kindest, funniest, little girl you had ever met. You practically raised her. You studied with her after her educational servant would let her out for the day, you bathed her and made sure her hair was shiny, you cleaned her glasses and taught her how to step on every stone in the Castillo without putting a foot on a crack. 

It broke your heart to see how badly Mirabel wanted to help the family even without a magical blessing like her siblings and cousins. You would go into town with her sometimes and watch the villagers practically ignore her. You hated it. But you tried everything in your power to make sure that Mirabel was happy, gift or no gift. She was special to you. A soul sister. 

When you turned 18, because of how well you handled Mirabel, her majesty Queen Madrigal named you head of servants. Honored, and feeling privileged, you worked even harder. But despite everything you did it felt like the family tension with Mirabel and the hush hush about “ese desgraciado Bruno diablo” grew more and more. 

Until the magic completely failed.

When Isabela Madrigal had a very unsuccessful, chaotic proposal from the village favored Guzman family son, Riena Alma ordered you to take all the servants away to a temporary housing arrangement at the church. She made sure to scream about how the magic is strong and the candle will never burn out. 

It did. 

The Castillo literally crumbled to the ground. Turned into a pile of rubble with barely known remnants of what was once a glorious castle. Mirabel disappeared. Horrified you spent hours with the Madrigals searching for her in this devastated state. The magic was gone, the blessing was no more, and it would seem only a miracle could fix the internal damage within the familia Madrigal and the hope of the villagers. 

Thankfully. She did come back. On horseback, with her Abuela Alma and a figure no one ever expected to return. 

Bruno.

Reunited with her family, Mirabel single handedly encouraged the entire Encanto to hope in miracles again. A month of hard work from everyone made the Castillo be rebuilt in the same glory it was before. And when Mirabel added the final touch of a doorknob, the miracle became restored. The bright golden lights and sparkles and swirls of colors that made their way up through the stone of the Castillo and rooted themselves in the ground under the whole village's feet was a sight to only behold in a state of awed wonder. 

It was a day of celebration. You took Mirabel’s hands and danced with her in celebration, cheering, saying “I knew you could do it! You are so much more special than you realize!!” The new miracle bestowed another blessing on the land, one that united everyone in communication and a desire to be better and let go of the biases of the past and make a better future. 

You blinked rapidly from your thoughts when your bunk mate called for you over her shoulder, “Hey! Líder sin miedo, c’mon! You’re going to be late moving into your ‘elite servant’ room!” 

You laugh and sprint towards her and outside of the cramped sleeping quarters, “As long as I get top bunk this time!!! 

~~~

Your joke earlier was meant as a joke and when you got to the castle everything went even more smoothly. Luckily, you did not need a bunk mate. Upon uniting with their respective Madrigal family members, each servant was either on the giving or receiving end of a magical hug. 

Mirabel threw herself at you and you at her, both of you embracing in a fit of giggles, dancing from side to side in the tight hug. When the girl pulls away she pushes her glasses up her face and smiles at you as if she was still the humble, giftless girl she was before and not the restoration of a miracle. 

Her humbleness still made her excitedly help you get settled into your quarters. They were nice. You had a room alone to yourself, with a queen sized bed and your own personal bathroom, bookcase, desk, wardrobe, and drawers. Mirabel didn’t shut up the whole time she helped you get moved in, excitedly talking about the magic and then moving on to the most surprising topic to most of the other servants. 

Her tío Bruno. 

She excitedly explained to you how he was “weird, but not like, weird weird like more like just kinda nutty weird not like super evil weird.” Which honestly made you chuckle a little. 

“So master Bruno is awkward?” 

“Yeah!” Mirabel lit up, still talking like a madman, which you loved. You really did like it when someone was excited to talk about something. It was sweet how passionate they would get. And you loved Mirabel, and so each nod and hum you gave in reply to her rambling was entirely genuine. 

She explained how short Bruno was. How he lived in the abandoned dungeon and the walls of the Castillo, with his only friends being the rats in there. She even explained his embarrassing habit of using them to make his own little personal plays so he would be entertained all cooped up in there. 

You giggled, only drawing on what your father’s experience was with him. He explained Bruno was always well meaning but prone to being really unlucky himself. He always tried to convince you as a young girl that Bruno wasn’t as scary as everyone made him seem. 

Standing at 5’3, being 50 years old, and looking so skinny for his age- yup. You believed him and Mirabel well over the village folk and Camilo’s shallow seven foot interpretation of his uncle. 

Mirabel went on to explain how much he loved the Encanto, the Madrigal monarchy itself, and each and every one of the family members. How he aided her in seeing the future to help save the miracle. She made sure to put a lot of emphasis on how he seemed to be the only adult she had ever met (“aside from present company, of course,” she made sure to add, winking at you) who treated her with respect. Like he understood her wishes and desires and demands and even if he was scared he knew what was for the best despite the wishes of the f amily to remain “fine”. After her emotional banter about him she got more into his appearance. 

By then you were following behind her with your back straight, clasped hands held at your belly button height, resuming the perfect personal servant posture as you did before the collapse. Your tied up hair billowed behind you as you kept a strong, certain stride. You wanted to make sure you kept working that hard and pouring everything you had into this job even if the family seemed more lax. You were the Head of Servitude, after all. 

“He has this crazy slouch. You know, like the kind you see little gárgolas standing in. Oh! And he always rings his hands or waves them around- real expressive with them, ya know?” Mirabel walked, talking to you over her shoulder, “He is all gangly like he doesn’t know where to put his limbs sometimes. You know what I mean- like a growing adolescente. He seems to not understand where to place his feet.” Mirabel walked the memorized path to her room, not stopping a moment during all of this, “When the castle was rebuilt he immediately went to bed. He wasn’t awake this morning if you didn’t see- in fact I bet he’s still in bed, durmiendo todo el dia, jeez, what an old man. Well I guess it’s not that big of a deal, he doesn’t really like using his gift anyways.” 

When she stopped in front of her door she turned to you, a smile still on her happy little face. You chuckled, and spoke, “What a glowing review for your regio uncle.” 

“I know right!” Mirabel giggled and moved her hips and legs so her brightly colored skirt swung back and forth. You stepped up next to her with a soft smile, making her turn towards her bedroom door and reach for the handle, “Now it’s your turn to help me move in!” She gave you a sly smile, knowing you would love this detail, “I need a lot of help decorating.” 

Your eyes lit up in happiness, your face not revealing it in its entirety but a small smile did form on your lips. 

You grabbed the door knob with her, “What are we waiting for then?!” 

Mirabel laughed.

~~

The next week went on with the Madrigal family settling back into the Castillo with as much grace and understanding under the new miracle Mirabel had created. Unfortunately, because Mirabel was the creator of this miracle you found yourself not her personal servant as often anymore. It meant you had to resume the extra duties of head of servitude (which, admittedly, were not as fun as goofing around with Mirabel all day). 

You usually wake her up most days. It meant a good morning routine and a great way to start off the day as she would sing while you fixed her hair and tended to her curls. Her eyes would scrunch behind her glasses as you scolded her for being such a “wiggly worm” and “oruga tonta”.

So often her Majesty the Queen Alma Madrigal would come into Mirabel’s room in the morning. You would have to take a step back as your mistress would run up to her abuela and kiss her cheek and ask her how she slept. It was clear that they had repaired their relationship and were eagerly growing it as the days went on. 

“Might I borrow the room, miss?” Reina Alma had asked of you on the first morning back in the saddle. 

You bowed, “Yes your su Majestad,” You kept your head down in proper etiquette with your hands placed together at your midsection, walking past the queen with kindness. 

You were anxious. Mirabel was whisked away more and more by her grandmother, and while you were so excited for her you knew what it meant. Less time with you! What you saw as your little sister was finally growing up and it pained you a little. You didn’t know why. You practically felt like her second mom. You watched her grow from lost in the world to understanding her place. 

Perhaps you wished to continue to have that life guidance for her. It gave you a lot of meaning. 

When Mirabel was advising her grandmother, you busied yourself with the other tasks demanded of your head of servitude job. That included but was not limited to meal preparations, cleaning, making beds, washing laundry, explaining to Camilo that he has to understand that he cannot go into the female servants quarters even if he was “technically a female servant right now”, and finding meaningless ways to make even more spaces within the Castillo aesthetically appealing. 

There were a few times in that week you would reorganize a room just for the heck of it to give you some purpose, and Castillo’s tiles and walls would shift, rattling and making a satisfying domino effect, pushing the furniture back into its proper places. This was often accompanied by a sigh, because you knew Castillo could tell you weren’t doing it for your job, but rather, for your own fulfillment. 

It was getting boring. You loved your job, but it seemed without purpose. Mirabel was growing up and doing what she was born to do- be the real miracle. 

You found yourself often going back to Julieta or Agustin during this time to assist them- Agustin because he was always clumsy and needed help with something, Julieta because you could never shake the feeling that she felt like “mom”. About halfway through the week, an interesting conversation happened in the kitchen. 

“Agustin appreciates the attention you’ve been giving him despite the fact he already has three personal servants to keep him out of trouble,” Julieta smiled at you, her down turned brown eyes warm as you mixed dough, her hands busy kneading it. 

A lot of servants helped her cook, and they all bustled around with ingredients and bowls and utensils of all kinds. The smell in the kitchen was amazing, absolutely estupendo. 

“Of course la dama, anything to help the amazing Madrigals,” You replied, smiling at her work. What a unique gift. All she needed to do was lay her hands on the food at some point or another in the process and have it possess that healing power. 

“You might need to get used to it,” Daniela, a kitchen maid, skidded past, only a few years older than you. She put a bowl into the oven, using the fireplace poker to make sure the heat stayed consistent on the food, “I’ve heard Mirabel and her Majesty Reina Alma are getting close. Almost like she is her heiress.” 

You paused, shooting her a glance as Julieta chuckled and shook her head a little, “Mamá still has some kick in her and Mirabel is still only a child, una adolescente, she’s just 15. That won’t be happening soon.” She looked down, and you noticed despite her words she had a giant, proud, motherly smile on her face for her daughter. Always in her corner, just like you. 

“Still,” María, the second kitchen maid and Julieta’s own personal servant, butted in, “Soon to become a royal advisor I’m sure of it.” The older woman set a cutting board down and began to carefully chop up some fresh cilantro, “Perhaps even her own personal asesora real, considering all the advice she's giving Her Reina already,” María sounded more logical, as if stating the simple facts. She glanced up to look between you and Julieta.

“Probably due to be on the royal court this week alone,” Daniela chirped, ever the dramatic gossiper. 

“I’d hope,” You burst, finally speaking up. You beat the liquids and powder in the bowl in front of you with much unbridled vigor that it became mixed as one within seconds, touching the rim and coating one of your thumbs with the batter, “After all these years pushing her to the wayside they finally recognize her talent- oh no! No longer a pequeña oruga, eating up resources and an unpleasant sight. But no, now she's a una hermosa mariposa, glowing with a new miracle… As if she wasn’t already and wasn’t that always!” 

The kitchen completely stills. Both maids and her majesty Juileta all stare at you and the paused image of your aggressively beaten batter and downcast gaze. 

You take your hands off the bowl, lower your head so your scalp is visible to the royal Madrigal in the room, bowing with your hands clutched at your midsection, “I beg your pardon mi señora, I don’t know what got into me.” 

Julieta gives you a small, sympathetic look. She nodded to her two other maids, and both resumed their duties as if not being bothered at all. She turned to you, putting a gentle, caring hand on your tense shoulder, “My dear, levanta la cabeza,” she put a hand under your chin and tilted it up to meet her eyes, “Let’s have a moment, shall we? To the pantry, let’s go.” 

Julieta led you with a hand on your back in the most mothering way you could imagine, whispering, “Danos un momento, ladies,” to her maids as she took you into the pantry closet, closing the door behind her. 

The smell of spices, fresh herbs, and dried meats and proteins hit your nose the moment you were inside. You turned to her majesty, scrambling, “I’m so sorry. I feel she is slipping away from me-” 

“Shh! Shh…” Julieta gently calmed you, rubbing soothing circles on your back, “Honey, I would know how you’re feeling. I’m her mother. Mirabel deserves this, yes, but it feels so whip-lashed for sure.. One moment she comes crying to your side and now she is the heart of the Encanto, what keeps the magic breathing and alive..” she gazed proudly at nothing in particular, before blinking rapidly and looking back at you. “But I know you, and I know this is more than that.” 

You sigh softly, “I just… if she moves on, gets all this power and fulfillment… mine will go. What will I do as my job? Will I ever be happy in my job again?” You shrug then turn your head to the side, not meeting Juileta’s gaze, “Would I have to resign as head of servitude? Leave my job?” 

“Gracious mija! Calm down…” Julieta frantically grabbed one of your hands, making your head turn back to her. 

She gave a worried look, lips pursed and one corner pushed up. Her warm chocolate colored eyes gazed at you for a moment, making sure you were calm and adding extra comfort by being warm and assuring, before she continued to speak, “We all love you here in the Castillo.” She squeezed your hand softly, “If you were to leave I’m sure the other servants and half of the Madrigal’s ourselves would riot-“

This caused you to laugh a little, making Julieta’s smile grow a little bigger. She went on, “You were destined for this, I held you in my hands as an adorable bebita right here in the walls of the El Castillo de Encanto, and you love it! Why leave?” 

“Because I don’t know what’s going to happen and I feel out of control,” you breathed, rushing it out as you gazed at Julieta genuinely. Your brows were furrowed so tight in fear of the admittance and the vulnerability you were in at that moment. You knew your forehead wrinkles probably look ridiculous looking back on it. 

Julieta stared at you a moment, her eyes almost looking confused before they lit with a spark of understanding, “Ah…” She brought you in for a hug, “Oh mija… do not carry that on your shoulders… you were a little girl… there was no way you could control anything…”

You knew she was talking about your mom and dad. 

“You think… that’s where this started?” 

“Yes bebita,” she pulled away from the hug with a small smile, “It was how your mother and father coped too. When they were stressed they ran to control.. rules and order. Sí, I think that’s it for you. You like to feel in control because you felt so out of control when that happened. I’m letting you know right now you can relax, honey. The Madrigal’s and Mí Sobregoneta Familia will always take care of you. Come, come, let’s finish cooking dinner-“ 

You nodded, trying to lean into her words. It made sense in your head but your stomach felt uneasy still. However, logically you knew her majesty was right. Julieta could read you as if you were one of her own daughters. 

By the time dinner had been served your rapidly beating heart had quieted and your mind was at a little bit more ease. 

However, your boredom and lack of personal servitude would soon come to a screeching halt.

~~

“I now announce you as his majesty Bruno Madrigal’s personal servant.”

Queen Alma Madrigal was smiling with her chin up, crown glistening, and back straight with each of her hands placed together in front of her. 

You looked similar. A perfect straight back with knees slightly bent in a bow and knuckles white from gripping your hands together at your middle. However, you didn’t have a smile. You knew your eyes were big and face drained of color. 

That morning started out how it usually did. How it always did. Waking Mirabel up and singing with her as you gently put oils into her curly hair. You decided to brush it back and keep the top of her hair in a cute little ponytail. The sun was warm, and her giggles were sweet, and she had no malicious intentions in her eyes behind those green glasses while she excitedly exclaimed she had a surprise for you.  

When Reina Alma entered the room you bowed as you usually did, not a wrinkle in your skirt nor a stutter in your posture.  However, it was when they both opened their mouths and had you rise from your bow that things got very very off schedule. 

More so, completely flipped around. 

And now her majesty Queen Alma Madrigal has assigned you a whole new job after the one you had exclusively been in since you were a teenager. 

“Oh geez please don’t look like that!” Mirabel walked over to you and grabbed your upper arms, making you look at her. She gave her usual dorky smile, “This is literally perfect for you!” 

“Mí mijo,” Alma stepped forwards, whispering as she took a more casual stance with you- something so surprising since the Queen really, really cared about her royalty and the whole strict regime that went with it, “He’s… Struggling. He is always late to family dinner. He’s not getting up on time. He’s too nervous to use his gift and to go out into town. We have tried what we can to convince him, and he…” she stopped, swallowing, looking at her granddaughter. 

The bright butterfly continued for her royal family member, “He refuses a personal servant. I think he’s just shy. Maybe embarrassed. And probably really scared.” She smiled at you softly, pushing up her glasses and continuing, “He really needs some order and routine right now.” 

Okay, now she was clearly trying to cater to you. 

Queen Alma stepped forward and stooped down a little to your eye level so you could see her scalp, placing her royal, magical hand on your shoulder and it made you feel so humbled. However, she herself humbled instead, looking into your eyes and meekly begging, “You did such a wonderful job making sure Mirabel grew up, despite my best efforts, knowing she was good enough and could be happy.” You relished a little bit in how the Queen openly admitted her faults when it came to Mirabel, and you relished even more in the small, soft, warm smile the two shared after her words. “You are so talented and wonderful at what you do. You clearly care for the El Castillo de Encanto, the magic itself, and our family. Extend your helping hand to me, once again, but allow me to ask for the betterment this time,” Alma moved to stand up straight, putting her hand under your chin with her fingers curled in so only the knuckle of her pointer finger gently nudged your chin upwards too, “Mí Brunito needs you. I believe your magic touch-“ her lips curled in a small smile making you smile too- “will break him out of his shell and let him relax in his new life. I want more than anything to let my son know he is valued by the Encanto, by our blessing, by our family, and more so, to be proud of himself the way I am now so much more proud of him.” 

You let out a sigh exclusively from your nose, shutting your eyes for a moment. 

Everything made sense. You had to let go of Mirabel. She is grown up now. You were being put in a position where you were needed most. 

You thought of your dad. How he used to take care of Bruno. How he implored people to be kinder, how he saw his master and friends true nature and how it deeply distressed him when nobody would see it too. 

You thought of what happened when Bruno disappeared.

You opened your eyes. You wanted to fulfill the legacy set before you by two people just as loving and passionate as you were. 

You have a small nod, looking between both of the Madrigals, “I would be honored to take his majesty Bruno Madrigal as my master.” 

Both of them smiled. Soon, there were four arms wrapped around you in a hug.

In the distance you heard the faint noise of sand in the wind.

Fair warning, future chapters will have smut. 18+ I will tag it when it's appropriate Correct me on any spellings, bad grammar, and ESPECIALLY on poor translation. Thoughts? Feelings? If you have none: what kind of royal would *you* be?

[therealriver1]

Part 3/4 continued from the previous post. Due to text block restrictions I am forced to do divide my post like this

⦁ Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters 2013 (A twist on the old tale of Hansel and Gretel) ⦁ Ninja Assassin 2009 (I was watching this before I even knew Jung Ji-Hoon aka Rain was a k-pop idol and I just thought the ninjas were so badass) ⦁ The Orphan 2009 (Isabelle Fuhrman the actress who plays the orphan was phenomenal in this role, very creepy) ⦁ The Island 2005 (An action/sci-fi film from Michael Bay starring actors Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson) ⦁ Beyond Re-animator 2003 (It's so bad it's good! There are two previous films in this series adapted from H.P Lovecraft. I'd suggest you start there. This won't be everyone's cup of tea, you will either love or hate it) ⦁ Aquamarine 2006 (I watched this in the cinema with a group of friends in my school days and it was such a fun time) ⦁ This Means War 2012 (I just loved watching Tom Hardy & Chris Pine together) ⦁ How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days 2003 (The chemistry between Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey was so good to watch) ⦁ Rush Hour 1988 1-3 (I cannot believe this movie is already 36 years old! Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker were so funny) ⦁ The Mask 1994 (A looney comedy starring Jim Carrey and Cameron Diaz) ⦁ Shallow Hall 2001 (A movie that teaches us that beauty is more than just looks) ⦁ Two Can Play That Game 2001 (All the ladies need to watch this one, but I'm sure the men will enjoy it too) ⦁ Boat Trip 2002 (A fun comedy starring Cuba Gooding Jr and Roselyn Sánchez. I've got to say this one is definitely not kid friendly) ⦁ King Kong 2005 (The Visuals were stunning! This movie was made by Peter Jackson the same man who gave us TLOTR and The Hobbit Series) ⦁ Simone 2001 (Starring Al Pacino. If you've heard about this then I am impressed) ⦁ Revenant 2015 (Intense and full of suspense. I couldn't stop looking at the screen waiting to see what happens next) ⦁ The Gods Must Be Crazy 1980 (A fun story showing the difference of how the Bushman lives compared to modern man) ⦁ Liar, Liar 1997 (Jim Carrey plays a lawyer who is a pathological liar in this zany comedy) ⦁ Django Unchained 2012 (From director Quentin Tarantino comes a great western that you cannot skip. I saw this one with my parents and all of us enjoyed it) ⦁ Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging 2008 (Adolescent film that doesn't feel like it's PG13) ⦁ Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery 1997 (Just for laughs! Mike Myers from Shrek is hilarious in this film) ⦁ Maid in Manhattan 2002 (Who knew Voldemort and Jennifer Lopez had such great chemistry. All jokes aside it is a great rom-com) ⦁ Kings Ransom 2005 (Starring Anthony Anderson and Regina Hall. I've got to say I thought the whole cast was funny) ⦁ Undercover Brother 2002 (You are in for a good time with this one. Another fun comedy to watch to lift your mood) ⦁ Codename: The Cleaner 2007 (Okay looks like I have quite a few comedies on my list. Starring Cedric the Entertainer & Lucy Liu) ⦁ Along Came Polly 2007 (Another fun comedy starring Ben Stiller and Jennifer Aniston) ⦁ Dracula Dead and Loving It 1995 (An underrated vampire parody comedy from Mel Brooks starring Leslie Nielson) ⦁ Banditas 2006 (Salma Hayek and Penélope Cruz rob banks in this western style action-comedy) ⦁ The School of Rock 2003 (I'll always come back to this film. I cannot recommend it enough) ⦁ Alpha 2018 (Wolf alert! I repeat, this movie contains wolves) ⦁ Spanglish 2004 (An amusing comedy film starring Adam Sandler) ⦁ 1408 2007 (Room 1408, a horror mystery starring John Cusack and Samuel L. Jackson adapted from a Stephen King short story) ⦁ End of Days 1999 (A dark horror film filled with suspense) ⦁ Heartbreak Kid 2007 (This movie had me laughing out loud) ⦁ The Sleepover 2004 (A fun teen movie about friendship) ⦁ Maid of Honor 2008 (Who doesn't enjoy a good friends to lovers' trope. This rom-com features a young Patrick Dempsey and Michelle Monaghan) ⦁ Who Am I 1998 (Another Jackie Chan film that I still think is funny and will always watch again)

⦁ Bridget Jones's Diary 2001 (A great cast with a great plot. I thoroughly enjoyed this one)

[welcometowcwmondaynitro]

WCW Monday Nitro 23/09/1996

We kick off with Tony telling the audience that “we’re off and running” with another action-packed episode of America’s number one wrestling program, WCW Monday Nitro!

I’m ready.

No indication of where we are tonight - small town alert. Let’s see. Google tells me that tonight we are in the Benjamin-Jefferson Civic Center in Birmingham, Alabama. WCW does not seem to like advertising when they are broadcasting from Civic Centers, for some reason.

So this week we’re back to Tony and Larry dressing like idiots. Tony looks like a butler/waiter at some higher-end establishment, whilst Larry is wearing something terrible underneath his jacket. Thankfully whatever that abomination is remains mostly hidden, but still, I can tell just by the small amount I can see that it’s a turgid mess. 

The Butler reminds us that most of WCW’s top stars are in Japan, making it the perfect opportunity for the nWo to strike. Considering how much WCW have played on that you’d think they may be luring the nWo into a trap of some kind... but it’s WCW, so probably not. 

Tony holds up some newspaper with an nWo advert inside.

Tony tells us this was in USA Today, apparently. WCW are so offended by the advert that they show it at the very opening of the show. Makes sense. 

Meanwhile Critic’s Corner/Matt Roush also gets some free publicity. Is that Matt in the photo? Nice beard bro. Not sure about the hat.

Larry goes into some rant about the nWo being parasites, helpfully explaining what a parasite is, but half way through his speech seems to get lost, as his words begin to jumble together and make no sense. He ends by decreeing that Hogan and the Outsiders are “nothing but parasites”.

Tony takes a deep breath as this is happening, before Tony tells us that one man is here - Macho - along with “many other top stars of WCW”. Let’s see. Humorous, Glacier, Super Calo and the Dungeon of Doom don’t count. Ice Train however does count. The Train is awesome. Actually after last week I’ll count Calo too, as that guy is just flat-out insane and as a result earned my respect.

We get footage from Fall Brawl showing the match between Savage and the Giant, including Savage giving Giant an impressive scoop slam.  

More footage of the nWo handing out leaflets. Is this really necessary? Also, I have to reiterate, what a fucking waste of paper. No wonder we barely have any rainforests left - the nWo used them all to make millions of these fucking flyers.

This chilly bro is cutting some kind of promo which I think is anti-nWo, but we can’t really hear what he’s saying.

 We’re ready for our first match of the evening, and it’s involving the Dungeon of Doom. Tony, I told you these idiots do not count as “top stars”.

Good old Taskmaster Konan. 

Konnan strides beside Sullivan speaking Spanglish whilst Sullivan pretends to understand a word of what it being said. It’s like if your grandad was accosted by a random Mexican gangbanger and tried to ‘act cool’ in order not to get capped.

The Dungeon’s opponents are already in the ring.

Well, that’s an... unusual pairing. I’m curious as to how these two were put together. Actually that’s a lie, I don’t really care.

“Taskmaster” Kevin Sullivan & Konnan (w/ Jimmy Hart) Vs. Brad Armstrong & Juventud Guerrera

Mike Tenay joins the commentary team for this match. 

The match starts with Konnan tossing Juvi onto his head via a german suplex, truly suplex city before Brock made that a thing. I’ve just noticed that for some reason Big Bubba is at ringside as well. I hope Glacier runs down and karate kicks him in the face again.

Juvi regains control with a swift headscissors on Konnan. Juvi then flies out to dive onto K-Dogg.

Sullivan could have done something to stop this, but he just stands there and watches. 

Weirdly Tony clarifies the Mexican Heavyweight title isn’t on the line. It’s a tag match, why would anyone have assumed it was?

Juvi gets dumped on his head with a nasty looking cradle DDT, as Mark Curtis does the crab people dance. Konnan goes to tag Sullivan, but Sullivan for some reason refuses, so Konnan goes back on the offence. Once again Konnan goes for a tag, and once again the Taskmaster says no thanks. He evidently doesn’t want to do any work tonight. Maybe he’s upset he didn’t get invited to Japan. 

Juvi tags in American hero Brad Armstrong who immediately kicks Konnan in the gut.

Armstrong gains a little offence but Konnan dropkicks his knee which puts him down. Now Sullivan wants the tag. He tags in and does his stupid little finisher.

The ref counts the pin and for some reason Juvi doesn’t even bother to try and come in to break it up. Maybe he just thought there’s no way my partner is going to be pinned off such a shitty looking move, considering he’s only been in the ring for about a minute. Gamble did not pay off. 

“Taskmaster” Kevin Sullivan and Konnan defeat Brad Armstrong and Juventud Guerrera via pinfall.

Post-match Konnan is annoyed by Sullivan’s reluctance to tag in earlier and shoves him. This leads to Big Bubba attacking Konnan from behind, at which point he and the Taskmaster put the boots to him.

I can only assume Sullivan was very offended by whatever Konnan was saying in Spanish during their entrance. There’s been literally no buildup to this betrayal at all otherwise. Konnan is easily the best member of the Dungeon of Doom from the perspective of being a decent wrestler (Meng aside obviously) so it seems odd to kick him out.

But hold on. Jimmy Hart tells the camera it’s an initiation, as Sullivan pulls Konnan to his feet.

Hold on. Aren’t initiations supposed to happen before you join a group, not weeks/months afterwards? The Dungeon just does everything backwards. What a bunch of idiots. Konnan yells that he’s Dungeon of Doom and everybody is happy. Tenay says this is how Konnan grew up and it’s a gang initiation. OK, firstly, Dungeon of Doom - shittiest gang ever. With that said I would have loved to have seen them in something like The Shield (if you haven’t seen it, watch it). Vic Mackey smacking Jimmy Hart around and cracking him across the skull with his megaphone would have been magnificent. Secondly, again, initiations happen before somebody joins, not some time afterward. Well anyway, Sullivan said in a later interview that Konnan was “forced” into the Dungeon and “didn’t fit in”. No shit, he actually had charisma and talent.

Tony tells us that Chris Jericho and Mike Enos are coming up. Wow, more “top stars”. Keep in mind this isn’t even Jericho of late 1997 or 1998, but rather bland pointless babyface Jericho of 1996.

We pan the crowd and then see footage of the nWo in their limo from last week. Again, what’s the point? This is boring and just filling time. 

Mike is backstage with Macho, and informs him that he’s been publicky targeted by the nWo.

Savage asks “Am I a marked man?” then talks in such a low voice I genuinely can’t hear what he’s saying. Savage yells that even if Hogan cheap shots him “every night and every day” before Halloween Havoc it isn’t going to change anything. Savage calls himself the last hope of WCW. Desperate times. Macho notes that the majority of WCW are booked in Japan, and claims he was too, but he took himself out to stay in the US. Really? Not sure I buy that. I think Macho is just trying to make himself feel better. Kind of like a kid who didn’t get invited to a party, then tells his friend “no, I totally was invited, I just wanted to stay at home and play on my Nintendo”. Sure. Makes sense to stay in the States as the sole target for the nWo. Macho starts talking about multiple lifetimes again, showcasing his Buddhist philosophies once again, and then says “the only thing we have in common is that about 100,000 lifetimes from now we might be the same goldfish swimming in the same water.”

Tenay is just like.... what? Savage straight up admits he’s making no sense, and concludes by saying he’s taking responsibility to wipe Hogan out. 

We’re back to the arena after that craziness, and out comes Mike “Ready” Enos.

Haven’t seen “Rough” recently - wonder if he’s still around? Enos is still wearing the “rough and Ready” vest, regardless.

Larry says that Savage is “confused”. That’s an understatement. 

Jericho comes out, to what Tony calls “rousing applause”, which is more apt to describing the end of a theatre show or something. 

Mike Enos Vs. Chris Jericho

Enos wants to shake Jericho’s hand. Don’t do it, don’t do it...

Idiot.

Match goes back and forth, but ends in a weird way. Enos attempts a powerslam...

But Jericho kind of reverses it into a weak looking takedown...

But apparently that’s enough for the win. 1, 2, 3, Jericho wins. Not sure I’ve ever seen a powerslam reversal before, but based on how shitty this looked that’s probably for the best.

Chris Jericho defeats Mike Enos via pinfall.

Goldberg’s music hits.

But he’s still utilising his previous gimmick as a kung fu master named Pat Tanaka. Shaving his head made a world of difference.

The lights go out, a blue hue descends upon the arena, so that can only mean...

Sub Shredder.

Tony talks about Glacier’s bullshit backstory as if it actually happened. Both Tony and Larry claim it is “literally” snowing in here, which is a blatant lie. Glacier may be a ninja or whatever, but he can’t control the fucking weather. Larry also claims he’s a black belt. Maybe that’s true, but I don’t trust him.

Pat Tanaka Vs. Glacier

These two weirdos circle each other for a while, as the arena lighting remains a pale shade of blue.

An epic showdown. Tanaka attempts a karate chop, but Glacier takes him down with a palm strike. Tanaka then attempts a kick, but he evidently hasn’t played Mortal Kombat, as Glacier counters with Sub Zero’s classic leg sweep.

Tanaka decides to say fuck this martial arts bullshit, and instead just hits Glacier with a sitdown powerbomb. It has little effect, as Glacier gets to his feet and executes a spinning side kick.

Tanaka is down for the count, and this one is over. I am disappointed we didn’t see the Cryonic Kick here. I guess Glacier didn’t hit the correct button combination for his fatality. Oh well.

Glacier defeats Pat Tanaka via pinfall.

Glacier poses in the ring. Larry suggests the nWo are going to recruit Glacier. Just fucking lol at that. I’m sure Hogan and crew have been very impressed with Glacier beating The Gambler, Big Bubba and Pat Tanaka. Sign that man up before he slips away. 

Back from the break and we get a shot of this dude.

Matt Ghaffari. Apparently a silver medalist at the 1996 Olympics. Didn’t win the gold medal with a broken freakin’ neck though, did he? Also, and I’m not trying to be a dick here, but it looks like somebody photoshopped his face to move the eyes and nose slightly higher than they should be. Just saying. Larry calls Ghaffari a “loser” who “couldn’t even win gold”. I’d like to see you try, Larry. Tony actually does call Larry out on this, asking him how many olympic medals he has. Larry claims he wasn’t allowed into the olympics because he was “too mean”. Yeah, OK. Tony laughs at this.

Ugh. Noooooo.

Larry says that Public Enemy - who are carrying a table to ringside, as usual - have “found a loophole” where if you bring a “foreign object” to ringside, but leave it outside the ring, you can use it outside the ring with no consequence. What shit is he chatting? If you bring a knife to ringside and then stab somebody with it you’re going to get disqualified whether you’re in the ring or not. Well, actually, you’re going to get a lot more than disqualified... but anyway, Larry is talking nonsense as usual.

Alright, the Heat. Now this is a bit better, but I really wish they weren’t accompanied by that dicksplash Col. Parker. Booker comes out yelling that the Heat “are going to hurt somebody”. if only it was that buttwipe behind you wearing the stupid hat.

Harlem Heat (w/Sister Sherri, Col. Parker) Vs. Public Enemy

 As soon as the bell rings, Stevie Ray chucks Grunge out of the ring. He and Booker then double team Rocco, sending him into the corner and then levelling him with a double boot to the chops.

Their advantage doesn’t last for long, though as Grunge dives off the top rope and hits the Heat with a double clothesline.

Crazy start to the match. Is this a tornado tag? Everyone is in the ring and once and Patrick is just letting it go. Then again, this is WCW, where rules are known to be somewhat fluid. 

Grunge is very pumped up after hitting the double clothesline. He jumps up and starts swivelling his hips like he’s got an invisible hula hoop. The crowd have zero reaction to this. Stevie Ray and Grunge do now get onto the apron, making this a proper tag team match.

After some back and forth, Booker attempts a side kick but somehow ends up straddling the ropes, after which Grunge proceeds to shake them, further increasing the pressure on Booker’s testicles.

Patrick gives Grunge a disapproving finger wag. Grunge ignores him.

The match really isn’t much to write home about. However, all of a sudden...

We move to split screen, so that we can see the nWo arriving. For some reason the Giant is also dressed like a waiter tonight. Did somebody rib Tony and Giant into thinking it was food server fancy dress tonight or something?

Larry suggests they lock the doors to keep them out. Sure, or just, you know, hire actual security to make sure the nWo don’t come in. I appreciate WCW isn’t exactly great when it comes to forward planning, but still. Tony says that if the doors were locked the nWo would just break in, and then says we’ve already seen them smash car windows. Have we? The only person I remember doing that was Sting, when he chucked a giant fucking boulder through the nWo’s limo window. Still can’t get over that. 

Larry says of the nWo “they’re organised, we’ve got Randy Savage who is confused”. Harsh, but ultimately a fair statement. Tony calls the nWo “vandals”, which... yeah, sure, but so what? 

Meanwhile back at the match, Booker attempts a Harlem Hangover but misses.

Next, Booker rolls Rocco into a small package.

Rocco then adjusts so that Booker’s shoulders are on the mat.

Let’s be clear - you can see from this image that it is literally impossible for Rocco’s shoulders to be on the mat. He is laying on his side. Booker meanwhile is on his back. Patrick counts the three, and for some reason both men run to the corners celebrating victory.

Also Harlem Heat’s music starts playing. Dafuq. You all saw that still image I posted - there’s no ambiguity there about who was pinning who. 

Patrick, completely correctly, calls a Public Enemy win. The music changes from Harlem heat to Public Enemy. Why was Heat’s music playing in the first place? Anyway, Harlem Heat along with Sherri and Parker are furious, ganging up on Patrick.

Even though he has absolutely made the right call here. 

Public Enemy are, incredibly, new tag team champs. God only knows why this decision was made. I do like the ECW sign being held up as Rocco holds the belts up. Well captured, albeit probably totally unintentional. 

Grunge celebrates in front of this old woman, who looks at him like he’s a fucking dirtbag. 

Bruh, what is this shirt. If you paid anything more than $0 for this you were ripped off.

Public Enemy def. Harlem Heat via Pinfall to win the Tag Team Titles. 

 We come back from a commercial break to... this.

When you buy Arn Anderson off wish.com.

Fireworks go off as we begin hour number two.

We also switch to Bischoff, Tenay and Heenan on commentary.

I really liked WCW’s entranceway. Very cool design. 

That’s not so cool. At least Valentino isn’t with him this week. I like how Valentine’s entrance music is just a bunch of heavy guitar riffs. Doesn’t suit him at all. With that said, I’m not sure what would suit him. At this point in time probably just not wrestling.

The crowd pops big for everyone’s favourite lunatic, the Macho man. Gee, I wonder who’s going to win this one?

Greg “the hammer” Valentine Vs. “Macho Man” Randy Savage

Macho starts off strong with some punches in the corner, but the hammer manages to take Macho down with a back elbow. His butt is jiggling all over the place and it’s gross. No picture, I refuse.

The announcers talk about how everybody is in Japan, so Macho is on his own. Except, that isn’t true, is it? There are still plenty of WCW personnel around. Just because the big names aren’t here doesn’t mean Harlem Heat, Public Enemy, the Dungeon, Jericho, Pat Tanaka, Glacier... okay, actually never mind.

Valentine drops an elbow straight onto Macho’s dick and balls. Brutal. The crowd are like “ohhhh” and Mark Curtis is like...

Uh...

Anyway, Valentine decides now he’s going to put his face down there too.

This is just getting disturbing now.

So, Bischoff informs us that Super Calo dislocated his elbow earlier and is going to the hospital. Wait, what? Super Calo? What bullshit is this. Well I just checked and apparently Calo and Rey Mysterio had a dark match before the show went on the air for the cruiserweight title.

Alright, to quote Lex Luger, I’m pissed now. You showed fucking Glacier Vs. Pat Tanaka, Jericho Vs Mike Enos, The Dungeon Vs. Juvi and Brad Armstrong, but you left REY MYSTERIO AND SUPER FUCKING CALO OFF THE SHOW? YOU FUCKERS. I’m incensed. Especially as Calo apparently did something so crazy that he actually injured himself. Recalling his match against Konnan, I’m not surprised, but I can only imagine what he did to hurt himself. Dude bounced around like he was made of rubber or something. Regardless, I’ll never know, because WCW hate their fans. FUCK.

Anyway, Macho is on the guardrail, with Valentine chopping his chest...

And the fans behind him are just laughing. That’s not nice. Also, I must stress again, that dude’s shirt... what, the, fuck. Did he wake up and think “I want to look like ice cream sprinkles today?”

Bischoff says “ambulances have circled the building” in anticipation of the nWo seriously hurting someone. Could have, I don’t know, called the police instead? And I don’t mean the band. It seems a bit defeatist to have multiple ambulances on standby. Also...

For some reason Tony and Larry’s stupid little area is still set up. Wouldn’t it make sense to take that stuff away? 

More fashion nightmares here - and I have to reiterate, I am no fashion guru, but I despair that people think it’s okay to exit their houses wearing stuff like this. Have some respect for yourself, broskis. The guy on the left looks like the loading screen for a Commodore 64. 

To be honest, Savage has spent pretty much the entire match being schooled (very slowly) by Valentine. He basically has had enough, so he just picks up a chair and cracks Valentine over the head with it.

Lol. 

Referee doesn’t call for the bell. OK? Savage gets up onto the top rope and slams the chair over Valentine’s head again.

NOW the ref calls for the bell. Hold on, does that mean Larry was right earlier? That if you use a weapon outside of the ring it’s fine, but do it inside the ring and it’s game over? The fuck, man. Why not just throw your opponent outside, smack him with a chair for a few seconds and then roll him back inside then? What bullshit. Especially when, technically, in WCW it’s a DQ if you throw your opponent over the top rope. Now, I know they rarely actually adhere to that rule, but still...

Throw somebody over the top rope = DQ

Smash somebody in the head with a chair outside of the ring = No problem

Yeah, sure. Whatever. I don’t even care anymore. 

Savage grabs Mark Curtis and tosses him over the top rope. The nWo come out and begin attacking the Macho Man.

Just to be clear, though... the guy who just got himself disqualified by waffling his opponent over the head with a steel chair and who then assaulted the ref is the good guy here. Sure.

Valentine just gets out of the ring and leaves. Lmao. I mean, you can’t really blame him. Savage just smacked him across the head with a chair twice. No reason for Greg to help him out. 

Macho gets hit with the Outsider’s Edge.

Such a cool move. 

Liz appears, for some reason looking concerned. She then runs off into the backstage area. Pointless.

Why would she care, anyway? She’s spent the last however many months being Ric Flair’s FWB and laughing about spending the money Macho was forced to give her from the divorce. Now she’s worried about him?

You may think, well, it’ll be explained eventually. All will become clear. 

No. It’s never explained. She just likes Savage again now.

Lmao. Seriously, what is the Giant wearing? Is he their car valet or something?

Savage takes a jackknife powerbomb. The crowd is now pelting the ring with garbage. 

Giant grabs the mic to introduce “the man and the myth, the man to be with, the all-time greatest professional wrestler in the world. A man who made professional wrestling what it is today. A man who knows no limits. The financial backbone of the nWo. The largest arms in the world. The one, the only, Hollywoooooooooooood Hogaaaaaaaannnnn.”

OK. I thought DiBiase was the financial backbone of the nWo? 

Here comes the Hollywood Hulkster. 

The Giant struts and woos like Ric Flair, whilst Hogan hits a leg drop on Savage.

Tenay says WCW medical staff have sent a gurney to ringside for Macho. Lmao. Wow, nice. Good job. Why not send security instead?

Hogan delivers a second leg drop, then Nash starts whipping Savage with a Slim Jim. Not gonna lie, that made me chuckle.

Yo, that’s a sick shirt. What’s up with all the nWo/Terminator crossover shirts though? I mean, they’re cool, I just don’t get it.

Hogan says something about being blinded by the lights shining off “the Nacho Man’s bald head”. Glass houses, Hulk. Bischoff actually says “what does he see when he looks in the mirror?” - hah. 

Hogan then spraypaints over Macho’s bald spot. It’s kind of funny that WCW are trying to sell this as a serious thing, but whipping Macho with a slim jim and spraypainting his bald spot is just hilarious af. Sorry Macho. 

Hall and Nash leave the ring and head towards the announce booth. Smartly, Heenan legs it, as Bischoff stands up and repeats “wait a minute, wait a minute”. 

Nash shoves Bischoff back into his seat and threatens to punch him.

Nash continues to violently threaten Bischoff, as Hall puts Easy E’s headset back on and tells him to do his job, and do it well. Good advice. Hall also puts a headset on. 

The whole crew are here. Except for the Giant. I guess his shift break was over. 

You can’t help but laugh at this. WCW had a week to prepare for this, the nWo made it clear what they were going to do, and still... this is the end result. No security, no police, no wrestlers acting as muscle. Nothing. They have ambulances circling the building though, so... yeah. If you need to get to the hospital you’re good. Seriously though, they had the bright idea of using jobbers for security literally only weeks ago, then totally abandoned the idea. Why? I get that it must have been crazy boring and the wrestlers aren’t actually paid to be security – but in kayfabe, why did they stop doing this?

The Giant joins the fun as Bischoff presses his head against the desk. Nash pulls him back up and wraps his arm around Bischoff’s shoulders. Hall then announces the newest member of the nWo - Vincent.

Otherwise known as Virgil. And yes, they called him Vincent to poke fun at Vincent Kennedy McMahon. However, I will give this a pass as Vince called him “Virgil” to make fun of Dusty Rhodes. Turnaround is fair play and all of that. The crowd chants “Virgil”, as Virgil/Vincent grabs Bischoff by the hair and yanks his head around. Looks painful.

Bischoff says “we gotta take a break”. The Giant says “why you wanna get broke?” and laughs. Doesn’t even make sense. Don’t quit your day job, bro.

Time for an nWo announcement. It’s just a brief advert for the t-shirt with Hall, Nash and the Giant. 

Hall welcomes us back to “the first ever nWo Monday Nitro”. The actual first nWo nitro will come later, and it won’t be good.

For some reason Hall and Nash are just chatting shit about taking over the NBA, the NFL and Nascar. Good luck. Those companies actually hire security and know who the police are.

Now an nWo car has come out.

I have no idea what is going on.

Bischoff announces we’ve got Jim Powers vs VK Wallstreet coming up. Does he want people to switch channels? Nash calls Powers “a fine young athlete” and Hall says of Wallstreet “what a businessman”. Yeah, all successful businessmen I know have dollar signs emblazoned on their jackets. That’s a sign of class.

Turns out Giant is dressed up like a waiter because he’s going to be the ring announcer going forward. OK. 

“The following contest is against Jim Powers and M. Wallstreet” - literally fucks up the first sentence. Bad start. Also, M Wallstreet? What happened to VK? Oh, btw, the VK was also meant to be a dig at Vince (VK = Vincent Kennedy) but now they’ve dropped it for M... which might as well stand for Mickey Mouse. Maybe they felt they could only have one character as a rib on Vinnie Mac.

Out comes the king of the jobbers, and Teddy Long, who Nash refers to as “peanut head”. Nash also comments that Long is “putting on the poundage”. I mean, he’s not wrong. Nash and Hall also basically make jokes about Jim Powers being on steroids. Not exactly been helping him so far if he is.

M. Wallstreet arrives, looking like a million yen. That’s about £6000, and I’m being generous. 

Jim “Jobber” Powers (w/Peanut Head) Vs. M. Wallstreet

Seriously though, what did any of us do to deserve this match?

  Hall and Nash say “they’re going to get a closer look at this one”, which doesn’t bode well.

Wallstreet meanwhile is looking rough. I guess his stocks are down or something. Bro needs a really, really long nap.

Most of the nWo guys leave the announce desk, but DiBiase and Vincent remain with Bischoff. DiBiase calls Vincent “the CEO of security”. Has such a position ever existed anywhere?

Meanwhile, Hall and Nash have wandered down to the ring and started beating the shit out of Powers on the outside.

This is a new low for Lord Jobberlot. This week he gets beaten down before the match even begins. Sad. Who is that dude on the far left? He’s just standing there chilling whilst the Outsiders murk Jimbo. Seriously, could he look any more casual if he tried? It’s like he’s waiting in line for a soda or something.

There’s also a hot girl standing at ringside who for some reason seems very happy about this situation.

On the far right. Hard to tell from the picture but she isn’t part of the crowd, she’s standing in front of the guardrail beaming like it’s her wedding day or something. Can’t help but wonder if Jimbo did the dirty on this poor girl. It’s either that or she has a fetish for watching men and/or Jim Powers getting beaten up. Maybe she’s in charge of booking him. 

It’s all too much for Randy Anderson.

“This ain’t dubya-cee-dubya, I’m having no part of this” he states as he removes his bowtie and exits the ring. The statement heard around the world.

Giant gets in the ring and announces some shit which amounts to himself being the new opponent for Powers. What happened to Wallstreet by the way? He’s just vanished into thin air. Oh well, no fucks were given. Nick Patrick meanwhile comes out to officiate, which I suppose puts an end to the ambiguity regarding his crooked referee status. Although in typical WCW fashion the whole thing was about as subtle as a sledgehammer being smashed into your ballsack.

Giant winds up for the chokeslam, but as he puts his hand around Powers’ neck…

El Jobber Fantastico literally just falls to the mat. He’s been so conditioned to job that he skips past the actual finish and just falls down to be pinned. Sad. It actually looked like one of those glitches on the old PS1 wrestling games, where the frames drop and you skip most of the finishing move. I hated it when that happened. Giant looks confused for a moment, then reaches down and grabs Jim’s neck again, hauling him up…

And slamming him down.

You may notice we’ve gone to splitscreen. Why? Because apparently WCW thinks it’s a good idea to show Hogan spraypainting the walls of the arena. No, I’m not kidding.

What a rebel. This is a guy in his forties, by the way. A guy who has two kids. Going around tagging walls like a street thug. How cool. Fucking boomer.

Hogan sings “hooray for Hollywooood” in a really weird voice that makes this scene even less cool. 

Hogan starts chatting with the Nasty Boys – who cares? He gives them the key to his hotel suite and tells them to pop the champagne corks, saying he wants to talk business with them. Find better business partners. He also hands Knobbs the WCW Heavyweight title to take back to the hotel room. The sight of Knobbs with the strap makes me feel despondency in a way I can’t describe, so I’m not even going to show a screenshot of that.

Hogan gurns at the camera and continues to sing “hooray for Hollywood”. Words cannot do justice in describing how fucking irritating he sounds.

Bruh, just stop it already.

We go to a break, and come back to this.

Bischoff reflecting how I’m feeling, watching Hogan behave like the biggest fucking dork in existence. He’s wearing Macho Man’s hat now. He looks like a dicksplash.

Jim Duggan’s music starts playing. Oh lord, why is this just getting worse? Those poor fans. Just shitty match after shitty match. They aren’t even seeing the majority of the nWo stuff going on.

Oh, I guess the Powers Vs Wallstreet/Giant match ended? Or did it even begin? I don’t know.

Jim Powers’ match ended with him jobbing to the entire nWo.

Anyhow, let’s see what riveting television is about to occur with everyone’s favourite patriotic dunce making an appearance.

As Duggan comes out, the Giant announces “Jim Duggan versus Ron Studd” – bro, how are you this bad at ring announcing? You’re supposed to announce people as they enter, not both competitors at once.

Duggan comes out screaming “HOOOOO”. Terrifying.

Before Ron Studd enters, Hall repeats three times that “he’s a comer”. I don’t know what that means exactly, but it sounds worryingly sexual.

The Vanilla Gorilla waddles out, pointing at Duggan whilst muttering something incomprehensible. He looks a bit deranged.

Before Studd can get to the ring, Hogan walks in front of him and shakes his hand.

Studd appears utterly baffled as Hogan speaks, like the human language itself is beyond his ability to grasp.

Hogan and Nash then start beating down The Super Giant Ninja.

Small personal story, but I have a very vivid memory of watching this from when I was a kid. For some reason it’s a scene that stuck with me. Only one problem – I don’t exactly remember it happening this way. I have a very clear memory of Studd standing on the top of the entrance ramp, the camera behind him. Hall and Nash then attack Studd as he turns around. I am somewhat sure this is the only time our beloved Vanilla Gorilla got attacked by the nWo, however, so I guess we put it down to the Mandela effect. Or my brain having a shitty memory. Probably that one, actually. Hogan jabs Studd with a hilariously weak chair shot to the neck area. The nWo theme plays and Hall calls it “the soundtrack to your favourite adult movie”.

For what it’s worth, I’m not sure we can be too harsh on Hollywood here. Let’s not forget that Studd was the infamous Yetay, who dry-humped Hogan into oblivion at Halloween Havoc ’95. You could argue Mr Studd had this coming. A long overdue receipt from the Hulkster. Justified.

Syxx is announced as Hacksaw’s new opponent, and he’s standing on the turnbuckle preparing to have a battle of wits with the man built like an overweight fridge.

I mean, it’s a bit of an upgrade from Duggan Vs Studd… but no matter who the opponent, a match with Duggan has a ceiling. Shawn Michaels in his heyday might manage a two star match at best. He’d probably get a three star out of a match with Duggan’s 2x4. By that I mean his stick of wood. Uh, wait, I mean… oh fuck it, you know what I mean, get your minds out of the gutter.

“Hacksaw” Jim Duggan Vs Syxx

Hacksaw gets a “USA” chant going and tries to whack Syxx and then Patrick with his massive piece of wood. Unfortunately he misses both targets, who scramble to the outside.

As Duggan is distracted trying to whomp Patrick with his plank, Syxx sneaks up behind and attacks.

Patrick giving MJ a run for his money with those moves. SHAMONE.

Duggan dominates the early stages.

Check out this homemade nWo shirt in the crowd.

I mean, it’s a better effort than the guy who literally wrote “nWo” on a white shirt with marker pen, but still… the actual merch was out by now. Have some respect for yourself bro.

Syxx is saved by the Giant, who pulls Duggan out to ringside and gives him this awkward looking chokeslam on the ring mats.

Yeah, Duggan is so thicc that Giant actually has to wrap his other arm around Hacksaw’s torso. The “chokeslam” is almost as bad as the one Rick Steiner took some time back. Almost.

Giant rolls Duggan into the ring, and Syxx pins for the win. Not exactly what you’d call a showcase match for Syxx.

Syxx defeats “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan via pinfall.

Hogan, DiBiase and Vincent continue to bully Bischoff at the announce booth. DiBiase has said to Bischoff more than once “if you can’t beat them, join them”, or some variant. Foreshadowing? Maybe, but I don’t think I can bring myself to believe WCW were thinking that far ahead.

After a WCW Magazine advert which promises an interview with Glacier - get fucked - Sting’s entrance music hits.

Apparently the car is called “nWo Sting”. OK. Were they so desperate to get this name graphic up that they couldn’t wait five seconds for the wrestler to come out of the entranceway?

New World Order’s “we have Sting at home” comes out slapping hands with the WCW faithful. Bischoff calls him a cheap knock off, etc. I’m surprised he even recognises that this is an imposter. I was expecting that Bischoff would start crying about Sting defecting again.”Only a sucker would fall for it, and yes, WCW fell for it”, says Bischoff. I mean – where’s the lie? – but way to bury yourself and everyone else in WCW. “Never again”. Yeah, we’ll see about that chief.

The bell rings and nWo Sting lets out a lame “wooooo”.

There’s some big bald guy in the ring who, from behind, looks like a slightly slimmer Otis. He didn’t get an introduction and I don’t know who he is. To the internet…

Bo LeDeau. Bo LeDeau. Who the fuck is Bo LeDeau?

nWo Sting Vs. Bo LeDeau

Bo gets beaten in around a minute. Thanks for coming. I don’t think we ever see him again in WCW or anywhere else. On the basis of this match I guess that’s for the best. The crowd chant “we want Sting”. Well, instead you got fucking Bo.

nWo Sting defeats Bo LeDouche via submission.

Another pathetic match on what has been a largely pathetic night for actual wrestling. We got this fucking nonsense and missed out on Rey Mysterio Jr Vs Super Calo, in a match where Calo went so crazy he actually injured himself. Life fucking sucks.

DANGER, HIGH VOLTAGE, says the arena speakers as Kaos and Rage come out, flailing around like they’ve just dropped a ton of speed, as always.

Kaos yells at the camera that High Voltage are “high on life”. On life. Yeah, sure.

Their opponents…

You have got to be shitting me. This is the main event of the show for fuck’s sake. THE MAIN EVENT IS HIGH VOLTAGE VERSUS THE AMAZING FRENCH FUCKING CANADIANS. How was WWE losing the ratings war to this? Seriously, how? What the fuck did they have on their show that was so bad that this bullshit was the better option?

High Voltage Vs The Amazing French Canadians

I’m begging for the nWo guys to come down and hand out another beating. Please.

Bald spot asks for everyone to stand up and sing the Canadian national anthem.

Yes, thank god. Here come the lads to save us from this fucking atrocity. “Those are our boys” says Hollywood on commentary. Agreed. No wonder the nWo became babyfaces if they were breaking up shit matches like this. They were doing us all a favour.

Sadly the Amazing French Canadians do not take a beating – instead they just leave, and Hall and Nash take their places. That’s fine too, I guess.

High Voltage Vs The Outsiders

Total domination from start to finish by the Outsiders. It ends with Kaos taking a powerbomb.

Embarrassing effort from Rage and Kaos. Low Voltage.

The Outsiders defeat High Voltage via pinfall.

We go back to the announce desk, where the boys are just chatting shit as Bischoff looks on in despair.

They replay the Macho Man getting destroyed whilst Hogan calls him “bald spot”. Stealing my lines.

The show ends with Hogan plugging his next movie, The Three Ninjas, which I wouldn’t advise going out of your way to see. It does lead to something pretty hilarious in WCW’s future, but we’ll get there.

The shows ends with DiBiase laughing maniacally, Vincent bullying Bischoff and Hogan flexing his muscles. Magical.

Look, I know the nWo invasion was new and exciting at the time, but man… I feel sorry for this crowd. What a show to sit through. At least they were given a glimmer of hope with Rey Vs Calo before it all turned to shit. We didn’t even get to see that. Just to confirm, these were the matches tonight:

The Dungeon of Doom Vs Juventud Guerrera and Brad Armstrong Chris Jericho Vs Mike Enos Glacier Vs Pat Tanaka Public Enemy Vs Harlem Heat Greg Valentine Vs Randy Savage The Giant Vs Jim “Jobber” Powers Syxx Vs Jim Duggan nWo Sting Vs Bo LeFuckingDeau The Outsiders Vs High Voltage

When the best match in that list, by a fucking mile, was Chris Jericho Vs Mike Enos then you have problems. Fuck you WCW, and fuck me for even watching this.

[ear-worthy]

“Love And Noraebang” Podcast Releases Trailer

What will the genre geeks at Apple do with Love and Noraebang? The new podcast, premiering on July 19, released its trailer today. The podcast is a romcom, Korean drama, and Telenovela all wrapped up in one delectable package. Just the two-minute trailer will have your ears impatient for next week’s premiere.

Here’s the storyline. Jaesun, an heir to a Korean chaebol, and Ana, a Mexican American entrepreneur, fall in love in modern day LA. After months of innocent flirting and one passionate karaoke session later, Ana finds out that Jaesun must return to Korea for his two-year military service. And when her business hits an unexpected roadblock, miscommunications ensue. Ana must decide whether she’s going to go at it alone or have some faith in her love. Will their relationship survive the distance?

Love And Noraebang is an original production from Sonoro and The Mash-Up Americans. Sonoro is a global entertainment company focused on creating premium, culturally relevant content that starts in audio and comes alive in TV, film and beyond. Sonoro collaborates with leading and emerging Latinx storytellers — writers, producers, and directors — from over a dozen countries to develop original franchises in English, Spanish, and Spanglish.

Along the way to being a co-founder of Sonoro and an innovator in podcasting, Camila Victoriano has overcome challenges such as being a woman in podcasting where only 29 percent of podcasts are run by women; being Latino in a still white male dominated culture, and proving that a liberal arts major can develop and operate a successful business.

The Mash-Up Americans, co-founded by Amy Choi and Rebecca Lehrer, describe their company’s mission with these questions: “How do we define our identity? Who are the Mash-Up leaders, makers, doers and thinkers we need to know now? What are the issues keeping us up at night? What is the new culture that Mash-Ups are creating? And finally, how do we tell stories that help shape the future we want?”

I was able to listen to the first episode, and — spoiler alert — it’s terrific. One specific narrative device that hypnotized me was the anthropomorphic nature of the city of Los Angeles. The city has a human voice and narrates the tale. Voiceover narration can be clumsy and clunky, but in the hands of these production studios is expertly crafted and adds to the elegant simplicity of the show.

Set your podcast feed for July 19. You can listen to the trailer here.

[chactusack]

    hola amiguis, acá les traigo a esta piojosa. ya saben como es esto: abajo del read more les dejo los datos más relevantes, ustedes le dan like y paso a molestar por im o telegram, pero también pueden hablarme ustedes a @/falsegvds. acá les dejo la audición, las conexiones y el tablero de pinterest.

bueno tiene 20 años y nació en mar del plata, hija de un matrimonio demasiado joven pero que igualmente decidieron hacerse cargo de la bendi. viven ahí hasta sus ocho años porque su papá es surfer, pero cuando empieza a irle bien y ganar patrocinadores y todo eso que hagan los surfers no sé yo no corro ni el colectivo y no sé nadar, se mudan a california. recién ahí aprende a hablar inglés pero no le cuesta mucho así que en mi mente casi ni se le debe notar que es latina a no ser que largue algún insulto, pero sí tengo el headcanon de que suele hablar en spanglish a veces porque no pierde sus raíces ??? idk

STUPID GAY BOTTOM ALERT. en fin, no le cuesta para nada hacer amigos pero sí se da cuenta que se lleva más con los varones porque le gusta más poner su vida en riesgo haciendo estupideces pero también porque a las chicas las mira de otra manera ???? sí, gay panics. 

acepta y confiesa su sexualidad a eso de los dieciséis, justo cuando sus papás se están divorciando. su papá quiere retirarse del surf y se muda con él a arcadia bay porque su mamá no la acepta, so,,, eso.

como ven no tiene nada muy trágico porque quiero hacerla sufrir acá 😈 así que la presto para que le rompan el corazón y/o la destruyan

en general es bastante chill y es roberto carlos, con un millón de amigos. sus únicas preocupaciones son el skate y hacerse tatuajes de lo que pinte en el momento, pero si tuviera que definirla con emojis creo que serían estos dos: 🤪🥺

en serio la entrego para lo que sea just hmu

[missandrogyny]

These puentes are one of the only good things about Spain, jajajaja. I don’t know how long you’ve been here, but we’re you around for Los Santos ?? Another puente. Now, this one, and in like 15 days Christmas holidays till January 7-8th. WHEN WILL KIDS HAVE TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL?!? Jajja. Also, are you teaching English here, or something?? That’s so cool. I had some of “you” when I was in Bachillerato. (See, I’m throwing random Spanish words, to keep you alert 😝).

i’m that mr krabs meme to your spanish words 

hahahahah 😂

si!!! yo estaba aqui por los santos. pero yo y mi amigos fuimos a Málaga. jajajaja honestly what is a puente really? i dont understand the concept (like i’m happy for my holidays but what is it for) (also see, i’m speaking in spanglish to keep you alert 😝)

also yes!!!!! estoy enseñando ingles aqui. ahora yo vivo en madrid! yo voy a estar aqui hasta junio, yo creo. hahahaha y yo lo se, los vacaciones son muy largas, no? pero es bueno, yo voy a mi hogar por la navidad y el nuevo año 😆 yo celebraré con mi familia!!! 

you’re right though, idk when the kids will go to school but like. to quote harry styles, that’s not on me sista!

[shadestriders]

Answer these questions then tag 20 blogs you’d like to know better!

Nicknames: Connor, Rae  Zodiac: Libra Height: 5′ 9″  Time: 5:26pm. Favorite band / artist: Jesus christ, I work in sound... this is a hard question... YA KNOW WHAT, HERE’S MY SPOTIFY KNOCK YOURSELF OUT ( https://open.spotify.com/user/21qcui2in774xb7oraxugh5la?si=-qi2-aSbQ5236PIK4u-mXw) Song stuck in my head:  you should see me in a crown by Billie Ellish... I keep skipping through my playlists to get to it. Last movie I saw: Toy Story? Kind of... I wasn’t watching it, but I was doing a poolside movie gig and that’s what it was. Last thing I googled: erm... something about Arator, I think... I may or may not be designing another blog... we’ll see. Other blogs: @raerns is my main blog, full of gayness and memes... mostly Sylvaina art, atm, but it’ll rotate through fandoms based on my preferences. @transknowledgable is an older trans resource blog I run... not very active anymore, but still there. Why did I choose this username: WELL, I didn’t want to change my main blog, and Raern/RaernS has always been my virtual handle since I started playing WoW.... so Lady Shadestrider it was. Following: Uh... a-a lot of people? Rpers, I’ve been stalking @lightsblade, @ladywindrunner, @fatesblades, @sunnrunnerrs, @anierous-sunblade, @diguerra, @merchantofthesands... ALL OF WHICH I”D LOVE TO RP WITH BTW :) Average amount of sleep: My fitbit tells me this week’s average is 5hr, 27min, and that sounds about right.. What i’m wearing: Black jeans, black tank top... stage clothes, honestly, from my gig last night. I didn’t want to pull on clean clothes because I haven’t showered yet, but I needed to go out. Dream job: Sound engineering for video game voice over sessions. Blizzard or Bioware would be my dream companies to work for, but honestly, I just want to be the guy that makes Sylvanas’s voice do that awesome cool echo-y thing while also getting to watch as Patty lays down her lines in the booth. (Or any voice actor/actress... I won’t list them all, because there’s really too many that I would have a mini heart attack from working with.) Dream trip: Scotland, Ireland or New Zealand, I think. Most likely Scotland - my spiritual beliefs kind of sort of make that into a pilgrimage destination AND IT”S PRETTY. Favorite food: Uh... um... buffalo wings? Play any instruments: ... a lot... like seven or eight throughout school (any wonder why I got into sound?). I mostly just play guitar and sing now, but I can also jam on a saxophone. Eye color: Brown Hair color: Natural hair is flat brown, but I have it dyed to an auburn red right now. Languages you speak: English - I took two years of Spanish in high school that taught me very little about what Spanish is commonly used in my area, but also after working fast food and retail, I can... sometimes speak like a broken Spanglish to communicate. I’ve always wanted to study German, but I am awful at actually heeding those Duolingo alerts. Most iconic song: Iconic? That’s... not really well defined? Tell ya what - Legends Never Die is a song I come back to for virtually ANYTHING, but if we’re talking iconic for the normal world, We Will Rock You by Queen. Random fact: UH... I’m trans? Hi. Describe yourself as aesthetic things: Ripped black jeans, silver filigree, massive clouds of smoke, greyscale guitar bodies, dimly lit rooms with ethereal reverb, olde magick runes, dragon’s blood incense (I’m... not really good at aesthetic and I feel like this is just a long line of text screaming GOTH.)

Tagged by: @diguerra thanky thankies Tagging: Everyone I could think of has been tagged already, I think... So... if you wanna...

[psychewritesbs]

cabanon. si t gusta clamp, jjk y sonny boy... has visto ergo proxy?

[boricuadiaspora]

AmeRícan by Tato Laviera

we gave birth to a new generation, AmeRícan, broader than lost gold never touched, hidden inside the puerto rican mountains. we gave birth to a new generation AmeRícan, it includes everything imaginable you-name-it-we-got-it society. we gave birth to a new generation, AmeRícan salutes all folklores, european, indian, black, spanish and anything else compatible: AmeRícan,       singing to composer pedro flores' palm                           trees up high in the universal sky! AmeRícan,       sweet soft spanish danzas gypsies                           moving lyrics la española cascabelling                           presence always singing at our side! AmeRícan,       beating jíbaro modern troubadours                           crying guitars romantic continental                           bolero love songs! AmeRícan,       across forth and across back                           back across and forth back                           forth across and back and forth                           our trips are walking bridges!                           it all dissolved into itself, an attempt                           was truly made, the attempt was truly                           absorbed, digested, we spit out                           the poison, we spit out in malice,                           we stand, affirmative in action,                           to reproduce a broader answer to the                           marginality that gobbled us up abruptly! AmeRícan,       walking plena-rhythms in new york,                           strutting beautifully alert, alive                           many turning eyes wondering,                           admiring! AmeRícan,       defining myself my own way any way many                           many ways Am e Rícan, with the big R and the                           accent on the í! AmeRícan,       like the soul gliding talk of gospel                           boogie music! AmeRícan,       speaking new words in spanglish tenements,                           fast tongue moving street corner "que                           corta" talk being invented at the insistence                           of a smile! AmeRícan,       abounding inside so many ethnic english                           people, and out of humanity, we blend                           and mix all that is good! AmeRícan,       integrating in new york and defining our                           own destino, our own way of life, AmeRícan,       defining the new america, humane america,                           admired america, loved america, harmonious                           america, the world in peace, our energies                           collectively invested to find other civili-                           zations, to touch God, further and further,                           to dwell in the spirit of divinity! AmeRícan,       yes, for now, for i love this, my second                           land, and i dream to take the accent from                           the altercation, and be proud to call                           myself american, in the u.s. sense of the                           word, AmeRícan, America!

[avaantares]

Shuffle 10 Songs + fav lyrics

I was tagged by @jbharrisauthor.

I just hit Shuffle All on my Amazon Music list for this. That collection is all over the map, everything from Broadway to Christmas music, so shuffling can get really, really random. Here goes...

1) “Aha!” by Pentatonix

Aha, Aha Caught you red-handed in the biscuit tin

2) Doctor Who Theme - Album Version - no lyrics. Moving on...

2a) “Different Colors” by Walk The Moon

Coming up slowly, oh, sun over the hill Daylight still a long time coming But I know it will

3) “Giorgio by Moroder” by Daft Punk - no lyrics, really. Moving on again...

3a) “Dead On Arrival” by Fall Out Boy

This conversation’s been dead on A rivalry goes so deep Between me and this loss of sleep over you

4) “Come Fly With Me” by Michael Bublé

Once I get you up there, where the air is rarified We’ll just glide Starry-eyed

5) “LA Devotee” by Panic! At The Disco

Static palms melt your vibe Midnight whisperings

6) “Ascendance” by Lindsey Stirling - no lyrics. Next track...

6a) “Me Without You” by TobyMac

Flashback, stepping through the scene There’s You and there’s a very different me Touchdown, You had me at belief

7) “Never Gonna Wake Up (Get Knocked Down)” by Nils - this track is a mashup of Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up,” Avicii’s “Wake Me Up,” Chumbawamba’s “Tubthumping,” and Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ On A Prayer,” so the lyrics... yeah.

Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down...

You all know the rest.

8) “99 Red Balloons” by Crushed Stars

Ninety nine red balloons Floating in the summer sky Panic bells, it’s red alert There’s something here from somewhere else The war machine springs to life Opens up one eager eye And focusing it on the sky The ninety nine red balloons go by

(Hard to pick a favorite stanza; this song’s a classic. I prefer Nena’s version, though.)

9) "Mysterious Ways” by U2

To touch is to heal To hurt is to steal If you want to kiss the sky Better learn how to kneel (On your knees, boy)

10) “La Copa de la Vida” by Ricky Martin

Tu instinto natural, vencer a tu rival Tienes que pelear por una estrella Consigue con honor la copa del amor Para sobrevivir y luchar por ella

(I was in Barcelona in 1998 when this was the official World Cup theme song and was being playing EVERYWHERE. I own the American “Spanglish” release, but I only know the lyrics in Spanish because that’s how I heard them a billion times. Also, they’re better.)

Hmm, who hasn’t been tagged? @iamtheshriekingguineapig, @libraryknight, @themanyartsofemily, @trashmel, and YOU (if you haven’t already been tagged and want to play)

[inthepantheon]

The Plot Thickens, Part II

I went back to my office to get some work done before getting ready for my date. It sounds silly, but I am almost giddy about going on a real date with the Captain. The heat from the furnace is inviting as I sit at my desk and go over the details of the case.  There must be some link to all the recent chaos. Why did One-Hand-Willy just now show up? Where has he been? Where the hells are the rest of the people that were in the home? The most irritating question still nagged at me: Who the hells blew up my condo? Someone owed me for all the damages. They blew up some of my favorite shoes. Someone will pay for the Italian leather boots and Prada pumps. And don’t get me started on the clothes and purses that were ruined. I want to find the asshole and beat the crap out of him.  The phone rings, interrupting my internal rant about my ruined girly stuff, and I look at the caller ID to see if I even want to bother answering it. “Captain Renard, our date isn’t for hours. Is everything okay?” “Yes, and no. We may have to reschedule our date. We got a positive ID on the victim’s dental scans. His name is Raphael Rollins. He is linked in the system to the Consweighas.” The name hits me hard. “As in the Consweigha Cartel? The drug and human trafficking ring?” “The one and same.” His voice sounds grim. I understand why. “Okay, thanks for keeping me in the loop. Let me know if you find anything else out.” “I will, and you do the same, okay?”  He sounds like he suspects that I know something I’m not telling him, and he’s right. I know one of the sons in the cartel. I have had dealings with him in the past. I am not ready to share the information yet, though. I hang up the phone after a quick goodbye. I need to find out where Julio Consweighas is and get to him before the locals, or the feds, do.  *** After extensive research and interrogating a few personal CI’s, I trace ol’ Julio to a house in the southern part of the county. I approach the home silently with my .45mm drawn and ready. I don’t want to shoot anyone, but I will if I must. Everything is quiet. If he is here, he isn’t broadcasting it. Swiftly, I go around the back of the property, avoiding any cameras. He is careful, but not careful enough. There is a security system, but it’s not hard to hack. I have more than my fair share of toys from my time with the FBI. They come in handy in times like these.  The light on the security scan clicks green, and I enter the dwelling. Fifty feet from the back door is an armed guard. I silently take him down and drag his body into a nearby closet. I handle three more armed guards the same way and continue to clear the home. Julio isn’t on the first, or second floors. That just leaves the basement. What is it with bad guys doing their nefarious deeds in basements?  I open the door and scan the stairs, then silently descend. Finding the first room clear, I peer around the corner to the second room. There is Julio with two armed guards, a huge pile of money, and a money counter. I can also see an assortment of illegal drugs. I know that if I make my presence known, they will shoot me. I am not in the mood to get shot today. I have too much to do and don’t have the time to sit and heal. Quickly I pop off two precise shots and take out both of his guards. My silencer muffles the sound, so the outside world is none the wiser. Julio immediately grabs his gun and goes for cover. “There is nowhere to run Julio, and no one to save you,” I yell out to him.  “Then come and get me, bitch!”  “You kiss your momma with that mouth?” I yell back. “You keep mi Mama out of your mouth.”  Good, I hit a nerve. If you piss them off, they are more likely to make a mistake. “Ah, aren’t you just the badass? Gonna get your ass kicked by a woman.” “We both know you aren’t no woman, bitch.” “Your Spanglish hurts. It would probably hurt more if you were not such a pussy, hiding behind your gun.” “Put yours down, and I’ll show you what a real man can do.”  “You first!” He puts his gun down and comes out—cocky little fuck. I holster mine and shift into the open. “Oh, I hope you are ready because you fucked up a good day for me.” He charges at me, and I easily avoid the blow. When I was younger, my father taught me that brawn is great, but if you don’t have the brains to back it up, you are in for a real ass whooping. It’s a lesson that I am going to teach Julio today. He turns and rushes me again with a scream.  I sidestep and even kick him in the ass as he rushes by. “I can do this all day. Are you going to keep running by, or hit me? This isn’t tag. Of course, to play you would have to touch me first.” He screams again. Good, I have him nice and pissed off. This time when he rushes me, I swing and plant a good blow to his head. If it surprises him, you can’t tell. The punch knocks him out cold. He falls and hits the floor with a loud thud. That should keep him out for a while. I walk over and nudge him with my foot just to make sure. Yep, he is out. “Good night, asshole, I hope that you have terrible dreams”. Yeah, I am trash-talking someone unconscious, but hey, no goddess is perfect. I pick him up and hoist him over my shoulder, carrying him out like a sack of potatoes. For a mortal, he would have been heavy, but for a goddess, he is nothing. I know exactly where I want to take him. I have a place that I keep just in case I need to be under the radar. I stuff him in the trunk and leave. He should be out for a while. *** I arrive at my safe house and turn off my phone. I don’t want any interruptions during this part. As I open my trunk, Julio tries to jump out at me. Little fucker recovered sooner than I expected.  One well-aimed punch remedies that, and he falls back into the trunk. If he were smart, he would have kicked out a taillight and tried to alert traffic of his situation. If I am ever locked in a trunk, that’s what I will do. It’s hard to ignore a waving hand sticking out of a busted taillight. Thankfully ol’ Julio isn’t that bright. He just waited, thinking he would get the drop on me.  I bend down and pick him up, for the second time in as many hours, and carry him into my personal interrogation room. I slump him into the chair and cuff his hands. Once he is secured, I leave the room and lock it behind me. Even if by some earthly miracle he wakes up and escapes his cuffs, he isn’t getting out of that room. I built it myself. It could double as a bomb shelter. He is stuck until I deem otherwise. I stretch as I walk over to the full kitchen. I make sure that all my places have a full kitchen, bathrooms, a bedroom, and all the clothes and toiletries that I would need if I were stranded for two weeks. Some say I am paranoid; others say I am a preppers wet dream…I just say that I am prepared for anything life can throw at me. I start a pot of coffee and pop a couple of hot pockets into the microwave. Then I shower to remove any sweat and dirt from the night, and put on clean clothes. Once I am finished, I clean my dishes and get ready to greet my guest. Before I enter the room, I watch Julio from the two-way mirror. It’s completely impenetrable. Shy of a rocket launcher, he isn’t getting through it. Julio is awake and struggling with his restraints. He looks scared. Good. I hope by the time this is over he is terrified, as terrified as his victims. I walk into the room with a smile. This is going to be fun. I worry for a moment what that says about me. I’ll have to worry about it later. Right now, I have work to do. *** The interrogation room is silent as Julio sits motionless. He thinks he knows what is coming. He has no idea.  I walk in, as cool and calm as a psychopath disposing of his kill. Julio watches my every move, eyes tracking me. The room is so quiet I can hear him breathing.  What comes next is something that I excel at, and have even come to enjoy. The compassionate goddess that I once was, vanishes, leaving only determination and adrenalin. I carefully unbutton my suit jacket and fold it over the first chair. I don’t need to do it, but it has a nice effect. The room looks like any standard interrogation room with wooden chairs and a metal table. I find that it gives the bad guys a false sense of security. The one big difference is that in my interrogation room, I make the rules. The table is all that stands between him and me. I wondered if it makes him feel safer. It won’t do him any good. I am still wearing my shoulder holster and .45mm handgun. I would be required to remove it in a typical interrogation. They are worried about the perp gaining control of the weapon and using it. I don’t have such reservations. “Good morning, sleeping bastard,” I say with a wicked smile. He isn’t sweating yet, but he will. “What am I doing here, bitch? I want my lawyer!” he says calmly.  I laugh at him. A full-throated laugh, and I let the amusement show on my face. “What are you laughing at? Where is my lawyer? I know my rights. I got a phone call!” His voice shows some anger. Good. I stare at him as I unbutton my long sleeves and roll them up to my elbows. I am wearing wrist sheaths complete with double-edged throwing knives. I admit that I feel naked without my guns and knives. Usually, I have a small arsenal of assorted weapons strapped to me. It’s comforting. The last interrogation that I was in, I had to remove all my weapons. I then had to promise that it was all of them. Honestly, I had to stifle a small laugh as they all looked at the pile of weapons on the table. It’s my little magic trick—nothing to see here, folks. “Hey, you can’t have those in here!” he yells as he sees them.  The gun didn’t faze him, but seeing the knives meant that the rules were out the window. “Who ordered my condo to be blown up, and where is the missing family from Harrisburg?” I ask calmly without even looking at him. “I don’t know what you are talking about, Chica. Chinga tu Madre!” he yells at me.  “Oh, I am sure you know a whole lot. I am going to get the information from you estas pero si bien pendejo.” The first look of fear crosses his face but quickly changes to anger. “I want my lawyer. You can’t touch me, puta!” He spits at me. “Spit again, and I’ll cut your fucking tongue out, puto.” “Suck mi cojones! Lawyer! LAWYER!” he starts to yell.  Apparently, he isn’t taking me seriously. My only response is another full-throated laugh. I let the humor of his ignorance show in my eyes before allowing rage to fill them. “Oh, you’re an ignorant little shit. Do you think you are in a mortal interrogation? You are with the Gods now. You get nothing. You will be lucky if I don’t crush every bone in your body while I’m extracting the information I need.” I let the smile curve my lips. His fear and distress become evident as he starts to sweat.  “So, Julio, we can do this one of two ways.” I pause before continuing, “Either you can tell me what I need to know, or I extract it from you. You can try and resist if you are stupid, but I think you are smarter than that. You’re not stupid, are you, Julio?” His hands start to tremble slightly. “You’re afraid, that’s good. It means you know how this can go. Who rigged my house to blow? What happened to the family in Harrisburg? Are they connected? What does all this have to do with me?” He looks at me and musters some courage. It’s a lie, though, he cannot completely mask his fear. “I have no idea what you are talking about. LAWYER!” He draws out every syllable of lawyer, to make a greater impact. I stand up and slam my hands on the table. The sound vibrates through the room, echoing and bouncing off the walls. My hands sink into the metal, and the table makes a groaning sound as it threatens to buckle. “I ain’t telling you nothing. You don’t know what will happen if I talk. He will kill me!” “I will kill you if you don’t talk!” I shout at him.  He jumps and starts yelling, “Someone help me, this bitch is crazy! She is going to kill me! You can’t let her do this! It ain’t legal! HELP! HELP! HELP!” I laugh again and throw the table. I only need to take a couple of steps to close the distance between us. Grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, I slam him against the wall. The chair falls apart from the force, leaving him dangling from my grip.  “No one is going to help you. Now tell me what I want to know.” “Okay, okay, okay, I’ll tell you anything, just please don’t kill me,” he whimpers. I drop him to the floor where he falls into a slump. I walk over to my chair and kick it over to him. “Get up and sit your ass in the chair,” I tell him coldly. I have no sympathy for scum like him.  Slowly he gets up and sits in the chair. His eyes are wide and showing too much white. He never takes them off me as I smooth my clothes. “Ready to talk, or shall I make you bleed first? For instance, did you know that the body’s most sensitive areas are the fingertips? That’s why acupuncturists never put the needles there. If I were to drive wooden spikes through them, you would be in unimaginable pain.” “Please, no, no, I’ll tell you anything.” “Good, now we are getting somewhere. Now, answer my questions.” “Si, I’ll tell you anything. The family was taken. Most of the blood was from the father. Si. He tried to put up a fight. The wife and ninas were taken. They are to be sold.” “What does this have to do with me? Why try and kill me? I mean, it won’t happen, armies have tried and failed.” He swallows audibly. “Because we know what you are, Chica. You are a danger to our operation, and mi familia know the only way to continue is if you are dead.” “What do you mean? What am I? Because I work with the FBI and am a Private Investigator?” Not everyone knows that I am a goddess, although it is not something that I try to hide. Typically, I don’t care who knows. It only helps my reputation and keeps people from interfering with my affairs. If the cartel knew and decided to put a price on my head, let’s say that life would get a lot more interesting if I didn’t do something about it. “No, Chica, we know that you are the Athena. We know that you are the daughter of Zeus. You are a goddess.”  Well then, there goes that. “You said that the woman and children are going to be sold? Sold where?” “I don’t know, I swear. All I know is that a big meeting is going down tomorrow, I can give you the address, but that’s all I know. I swear por favor no me mates.” “I’m not going to kill you. You hijo de puta.” I figured I would put it in words that he could understand.  He broke out in tears, sobbing wildly. I have broken him… good. “Buenas noches, puto,” I tell him as I punch him in the face.  He immediately slumps over and falls out of his chair. He hits the ground hard. Sure, I could have stopped him, caught him, so he didn’t hit the floor, but I don’t. He doesn’t deserve it. I pick him up and exit the room. It doesn’t take long to stuff him back into my trunk and drive him back to his house.  Once he is cuffed and bound, I call in an anonymous tip to my contacts in the FBI. I am sure they would love to arrest him and his surviving buddies. Of course, seizing all the drugs, weapons, and cash, will be the final nails in his coffin. I leave the scene and go home. I have to get ready for my date. Read the full article

[disorientedasylum]

The chef who epitomizes innovative Miami gastronomy keeps planting new flags all over the city

... have seen Wynwood become Rapicavoli territory, with the debuts ofGrails and Spanglish, his side-by-side sports bar and Latin gastro-lounge. from Google Alert - gastro https://ift.tt/377HI6v

[popentertainment-moviereviews]

UNCUT GEMS (2019)

Starring Adam Sandler, Julia Fox, LaKeith Stanfield, Kevin Garnett, Idina Menzel, Eric Bogosian, Judd Hirsch, Keith Williams Richards, Mike Francesa, Jonathan Aranbayev, Noa Fisher, Abel Tesfaye, Jacob Igielski, Paloma Elsesser, Tommy Kominik, Louis Anthony Arias, Benjy Kleiner, Josh Ostrovsky, Sahar Bibiyan, Lana Levitin, Pom Klementieff, John Amos and The Weeknd.

Screenplay by Ronald Bronstein and Josh Safdie & Benny Safdie.

Directed by Josh and Benny Safdie.

Distributed by A24. 135 minutes. Rated R.

I can’t believe I fell for it again.

Every few years, you start to hear the buzz: Adam Sandler is collaborating with some real filmmakers and taking on a serious dramatic role. Sure, his comedies mostly suck, but this role will be a revelation.

However, it never seems to turn out that way. Punch-Drunk Love was an oddball bore. Spanglish wasn’t a bad film, but Sandler was the weak link in an otherwise decent film. Funny People was nearly unbearable, as was Men, Women & Children. I have never seen Reign Over Me, and I can pretty safely say that I never will.

Which brings us to Uncut Gems. I must admit that had some concerns when I went into the screening, knowing my history with Adam Sandler films. However, I also had some cautious optimism because I had read a bit about the film and the storyline sounded interesting, and it seemed like Sandler was really trying to stretch out in the role.

Boy, was I wrong! I can’t tell you how much I hated Uncut Gems, and it mostly directly stemmed from Sandler and his character.

It turned out that Howard Ratner is the epitome of a Sandler character: a brash, immature, compulsive, abrasive asshole. He’s the type of person that you would cross the street to avoid running into. Hell, he’s the type of person that you would cross the country to avoid. Even his name points out what a rodent he is.

In the one scene that I truly related to in Uncut Gems, his wife – played by Idina Menzel – told Howard, “You are the most annoying person on the planet. I hate you.” Hallelujah, Mrs. Ratner.

Ratner is a fast-talking New York Jeweler’s Row bottom feeder and compulsive gambler always looking for an angle; selling phony Rolexes, pawning his customer’s jewelry, while he avoids his loan-shark’s leg breakers. (Irony alert, his frustrated loan shark – played by Eric Bogosian – is his brother-in law.)

Any money he comes across he gambles away. Any customer he befriends he tries to cheat. He aggressively courts celebrities and sports figures. Former Boston Celtic star Kevin Garnett has a significant role playing himself, for some reason spending lots of time in New York despite being in the middle of a fictional Boston-Philadelphia national championship series.

And you know what? Howard is such a massive dick that the audience can’t help but think that he deserves all the crap that happens to him. More to the point, his gambling addiction, his amorality and his complete lack of sense leads directly to every huge setback that he lives through.

It is not impossible to make a film about an unlikable protagonist. In many ways, the role of Howard is very reminiscent of James Caan’s character in the mid-70s cult film The Gambler. However, no matter how big of a jerk Caan was playing, you could find some sympathy for him and he was a somewhat charismatic loser.

It is impossible to feel any sympathy for Howard. The audience is silently rooting for his every get-rich-quick scheme to fail and for every character who crosses his path to punch him in the face.

That’s it. I’m drawing the line. I will never again fall for the myth that Adam Sandler has the ability to be a subtle, intense, slow-burn dramatic actor. At least with his comedies – which are mostly straight-to-Netflix at this point – you know what you are getting. It will be bad, Rob Schneider will show up at some point, and you will have completely forgotten it by the time you wake up the next morning.

His dramatic roles are somehow much more disappointing because you have been led to believe there will be some quality work done here, and when it inevitably is absent you can’t help but feel hoodwinked. You know Albert Einstein’s old axiom: the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result. I’m no longer going to allow Adam Sandler to drive me insane.

Jay S. Jacobs

Copyright ©2019 PopEntertainment.com. All rights reserved. Posted: December 13, 2019.

[feministdad]

Construction worker, 17, dies after fall from scaffolding at Freeport site, police say

... 17, of Hempstead, by Nassau police, who confirmed the death in a news release ... The project, being undertaken by Spanglish Home Improvements of ... Mejia-Montoya is believed to be the son of the home improvement company ... from Google Alert - Home improvement news https://ift.tt/2xsGm6U