#i suppose a little fun never killed anyone (memes)

[hawkfawun]

choose violence: 3, 19, 24, 25

This one is so salty. I'm sorry. I don't know how to make it less salty.

3. Screenshot or description of the worst take you’ve seen on tumblr

bad take. SPEEDRUN!!!! (mostly) Griffith addition.

1- "Gennon is the victim and not Griffith in their encounter. Griffith is cruel for killing him." I get that you don't like Griffith, that's fine. You are saying the pedophile who took advantage of him when he was 12-14 is in the right though?? Also when he killed him the guy was actively trying to kidnap him to be a sex slave.

2- It is "disrespectful to Miura" to ship griffguts. Miura has expressed interest in queer themes and basically said Griffith is gay before. I don't think the man was a pearl clutcher.

3- "Guts should have just killed Griffith when he was disabled." Guts would NOT have done that.

4- Age gap discourse. All the main adult characters are supposed to be roughly the same age. I have no interest in debating if adults fighting the horrors are allowed to have 3 year age gaps lol.

5. "Griffith is Jeff Bezos" ?? Ah yes free education and housing. What Jeff is commonly known for. Not that I love calling him a communist either. I could write a lot on this but. Eh.

19. You’re mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

WELL. I am pretty damn shameless on here. A lot of people don't like my ships and thats fine. Best to block me though.

I'm not mad exactly but I do think it is surprising I ship Judau/Casca a bit! Normally dislike that kind of ship but I think there's a lot of room for it to be done in a compelling way. The way his insecurities play out is super realistic and interesting to me. I do think he seriously puts Casca above himself and loves her for who she is not who he wants her to be. Also, I just want nice things for them both. ^^

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse?

Casca. Literally anything about Casca. You can be like "Wouldn't it be fun to draw an apostle casca" and people will act like you committed a real actual murder. Never mind if you have some criticism of the eclipse rape or Elaine.

I STILL get asks. btw- if you make sock puppets to harass people for being "too sensitive about rape" that makes you look like a creep fullstop.

Also anything with Griffith but that's a given.

25. Common fandom complaint you are sick of hearing.

Hmmm... anytime anyone has an even mild critique of berserk everyone complains you are literally "spitting on a dead man's grave." It is rare fans complain about the manga itself.

Also rare they complain about Miura. Berserk fans would rather send death threats to fans posting interviews than believe their made-up image of him is wrong.

for the record, I obviously love berserk and think very highly of Miura in a lot of ways. I get why people are defensive of it but phew. Berserk fandom is a little too defensive!

thanks for the questions!

Choosing violence ask meme

[wearelondonhq]

Time for a meme! If you want to take part all you have to do is reblog this post. Remember if you reblog to send them out to those who also do. Meme lasts from today (17/02) to the next Friday (22/02)! As always, please have fun and happy meme day!

MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE SENTENCE STARTERS: featuring quotes from deadpool, venom, ant-man & the wasp, thor: ragnarok, wandavision, doctor strange, ant-man & more. credit for some of these goes to @scotchymemes

Go back to whatever cave you ever crept out of!

What is grief, if not love persevering?

The world has taken too much from you for you to still be considered innocent.

I love you. I love you in every universe.

Where once you were nothing, now you are something.

Expect disappointment and you will never be disappointed.

We were good together, weren’t we? Maybe it’s time to reignite that flame...

I love you 3000.

You still owe me a dance.

Every good family film starts with a great murder.

Kiss me like you missed me.

You’re a lot smarter than I look. You can’t really live until you’ve died a little.

You are not judge, jury or executioner.

You’ve let me down for the last time. What did I do to piss off a grumpy old sucker with a Winter Soldier arm?

You shut your trashmouth!

Sorry, I tend to process traumatic events with dad jokes. 

The only thing that does make sense is that nothing makes sense.

I make grave mistakes all the time. It all seems to work out.

You are my sadness and my hope. But mostly, you’re my love.

Good morning! Are you ready for your hot fresh cup of bodily harm?

You’re not seriously thinking of going back, are you?

Piss off, ghost! I have to get off this planet.

It’s an honor to meet you, officially. I sort of met you, I mean, I watched you while you were sleeping.

We never lose our demons. We only learn to live above them.

I’m expendable. That’s why I’m here.

Some of the best love stories begin with a murder.

You ever feel lost? Just look into the eyes of the people you love.

Do I have to figure out my whole future before lunch, or is there, like…?”

He’d rather lose this fight than lose you.

I’m gonna have to rain check that dance. 

Don’t do anything I would do, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. There’s a little gray area in there. That’s where you operate.”

Love is a dagger. It’s a weapon to be wielded far away or up close. You can see yourself in it. It’s beautiful until it makes you bleed.

Someday I’m gonna make great machines that fly. And me and my friends are gonna go flying together, into the forever and beautiful sky.

There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t regret having said yes.

I just want a chance to prove myself. Because that’s what heroes do!

You know what I like about being upset? The blame.

You’re just using me to get to (...). That’s so gross, you’re not even my friend.

You don’t have to fight anyone, but we’re in danger so we have to move.

Your hair looks nice. What did you do to it? Did you change it, maybe wash it?

He is as dishonourable as he is attractive.

Where do you store all this useless information?

Good is not a thing you are. It's a thing you do.

You know you didn’t have to humiliate him in front of everyone.

House blowing up builds character.

I’m just a bad guy who gets paid to fuck up even worse guys.

Motherfucker, you’re the world’s worst friend.

Less talking, more kissing.

Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

I know what you’re going to say, but this guy/girl/person is all the way bad.

You are so pathologically self-observed

Love the optimism, but in my experience, when it looks bad, it’s usually worse.

I do not understand the intricacies of social interaction.

What master do I serve? What am I supposed to say, Jesus?

I told you that when I was drunk, why are you bringing this up?

Please tell me nobody just kissed me.

There’s a shawarma place two blocks from here. I don’t know what it is, but I want to try it.

If he ends up being evil, we’ll just kill him.

Trying to get you to stop has been one of the few failures of my entire life.

! Do you ever feel like your life is one monumental screw-up?

You people have no shame! What does the FBI even stand for? Forever Bothering Individuals?

Ninja Turtle, you better stop poking me.

I get emails from a raccoon, so nothing sounds crazy.

I just keep imagining you waking up in the morning, sir, looking in the mirror and then in all seriousness saying to yourself, ‘You know what would be a really kickass name? ______!’

I told you, I don’t want to join your super-secret boy band.

Look, I’m going to be totally honest with you:

I forgot you’re here. Well, I was in the neighborhood so I thought I’d save you the hassle.

So are you two…do you…fondue?

You call me _______ again, I’ll shove my foot up somewhere it’s not supposed to be.

Don’t drink fountain water, you idiot.

That’s disgusting.

We'll be okay. You can rest now.

I do some dumb things and it ends up hurting the people I love the most.

Maybe you need a partner, someone to watch your back.

You can do it. You can do anything.

Together, we’ll figure something out.

Missed me, missed me, now you gotta- You know what, forget I said anything.

I’m not one to be judgemental, but you, sir, are an extremely disturbed man.

Lie is such an ugly word. I prefer misdirection

I just conned the hell out of you and here you are trying to save me. How can you be so damn nice all the time?

[not-poignant]

19 and 20!

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

Oh this is... this will be long and it's 12.13am and I don't want to write long, so I'm going to shorthand it:

Started writing as a kid, liked it, pure escapism and needed that shit because real life sucked. Enjoyed reading and though 'I could do that' before anyone told me no. Wrote several novels as a 10 year old before I realised actually you're supposed to learn how to do it first. I still like those stories. Finished my first epic fantasy trilogy by the age of 12/13.

Lots of bumps, including some creative writing at university which killed all my passion to write. The long and short of it is that I could write award-winning short stories and poems, but I hated all of it and judged and edited everything I wrote to the point where I...stopped.

Stopped all writing. For many years. Became pro-artist. Occasionally write very short fanfics that only ever got posted on Livejournal or Schnoogle. Never liked any of it.

Quit art, had a mental breakdown, needed that good good pure escapism again. Read a lot of fanfiction. Made a fandom Tumblr. Watched Rise of the Guardians, went to town on AO3, wrote literally whatever the fuck I wanted even though I was sure people would hate it and hate me. Some folks said 'hey these OCs are alright' and I went 'sure okay.'

Here we are. :)

20. If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you've always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch

I don't want both. I don't want either. Fuck monogamy, lmao. (For me! Not for anyone else reading this! I am a walking caveat!!!)

I don't want perfection. I don't have a 'most precious WIP.' Stories are easy to come by, and they're all fun. Characters are easy to come by, and you can hurt/comfort nearly all of them. There is no 'dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP' like damn.

I also...don't want eternal happiness. Like Arden, in FFS, I do not believe that the goal of life is eternal happiness. That's literally not the way our brains are built. Emotions are meant to transform. The good news is - that means all the ones that make you feel like shit. The bad news is - that means all the ones that make you feel good. That's why it's so important to learn how to tolerate and sit with all your emotions free from judgement, because the sooner you do that, the more often you'll feel happiness in general.

We're not made, as a species, to feel happy all the time. You ever see people shaking their indoor plants to mimic wind because otherwise they grow all weak and shit and die early because they had no challenges? Yeah.

And yes, I've had challenges, and I'm also not an indoor plant, I just don't believe eternal happiness is the goal here.

Also I'm polyamorous so this whole 'one true love' thing can fuck right off. This question just reads a little like 'u have one true love story and u have one true love person' and folks can live like that but a bitch could never (it's me, I'm bitch)

--

From the Weird Writing Asks meme!

[lorz-ix]

"Metal Gear Rising is so dumb"

So I wanted to reminisce about the popular reception to MGR:R with the excuse of its 10th anniversary.

I remember back when the game first came out, the main argument I remember from my group of friends was "this game is bad because it's not a real Metal Gear game", which quickly faded away when we realized it was actually fun as shit and very badass. Still, the compromise was "it's fun, but shallow compared to the real deal".

Funny enough, over these 10 years, my opinion on the game has flipped. I actually think the storyline is severely underrated, while the gameplay has fatal flaws that I only truly started to feel after many repeated playthroughs in an attempt to master the tougher challenges. Regardless, the combat system isn't the rant I wanted to go on today.

I wanted to talk about a pet peeve that I have with this perception that this game is "shallow and dumb", surely not helped by the massive amount of memes. I laugh at them like anyone else would, but they also worry me a bit sometimes. Like this.

Guys, come on. I know these memes aren't that deep, but they show this popular idea that the game is just crazy and it doesn't make much sense. But I think it's the opposite, these memes show miscellaneous lyrics from the game's soundtrack and they could hardly be more explicit about the point they're trying to make.

I'm not going to post every little example here, but many of the game's popular songs use very thin metaphors to comment on the brutality and cruelty of war, how soldiers are made to kill each other with no more motivation than to not get killed themselves, how war dehumanizes you. The individual boss themes are reflections of each character's feelings and motivations, which I will admit can get more esoteric and harder to understand at first glance, but these characters in the context of the story also come with a villainous monologue to help you understand their point and how it links to the broader narrative, for the most part.

In no sense is all of this more blatant than in the final two boss fights in the game. First, US Senator Armstrong greets you with a cartoonish speech laying out his political ideology.

And from the ashes, a new America will be born. Evolved, but untamed! The weak will be purged, and the strongest will thrive -- free to live as they see fit, they will make America GREAT AGAIN! (this game came out in 2013 by the way)

His ideal world is one where, seemingly, every person is free to do as they please, with no one to stop them, power completely unchecked. Meaning they would also be free to oppress. A world where tyranny is justified if you can earn your spot at the top. It's extremely unsubtle, with the point of culling the weak being explicitly mentioned several times, because we all know poor and marginalized people are only holding the rest of us back, right? And as if you needed the message hammered into your head any harder, the song that plays during your first round against the senator goes a little something like this:

The unenlightened masses They cannot make the judgment call Give up free will forever Their voices won't be heard at all

Display obedience While never stepping out of line And blindly swear allegiance Let your country control your mind

Live in ignorance And purchase your happiness When blood and sweat is the real cost Thinking ceases, the truth is lost Don't you worry You'll be told exactly what to do I give my people the lives they need The righteous will succeed

The fires of greed will burn the weak So we'll make freedom obsolete Making whole the fabric of society Collective consciousness controlled as you will see

MIND CONTROL

Let your country control your soul Let your country control your soul Let your country control your soul Let your country control your soul

But it doesn't end there! As you could imagine, if you haven't played or watched the game (sorry for spoiling the hell out of it I suppose), there is a round two against Armstrong, and the lyrics during that fight quite literally spells out the point of the game, again with the subtlety of a jackhammer. This is the one that became the subject of many, many memes.

Standing here I realize You are just like me Trying to make history But who's to judge The right from wrong When our guard is down I think we'll both agree

That violence breeds violence But in the end it has to be this way

I've carved my own path You followed your wrath But maybe we're both the same The world has turned And so many have burned But nobody is to blame

Yet staring across this barren wasted land I feel new life will be born Beneath the blood stained sand

Beneath the blood stained sand

Before ultimately being killed by Raiden, Armstrong reflects how, despite finding his ideology of "the strong get to decide" repulsive, ultimately the protagonist proved him right because the only way to stop him was by being stronger than him, doing so by force. This point isn't trying to say that Armstrong's ideology was correct in the end, and they very obviously weren't the same, since Raiden's motivation was to ensure that the weak would not have to resort to violence to survive like he had. I strongly believe this is supposed to be a mockery of Armstrong, who even while dying has to resort to cheap political rhetoric to save face. Stop me if you've never heard a politician try to appeal to everyone by saying "we actually want the same thing".

As it stands, the game is loud, and it couldn't be making its point in a less subtle way. Everyone deserves a life of peace and freedom from oppression, and sometimes the only way to ensure that peace is to commit otherwise unethical acts. Rebelling against the oppressor does not turn you into "the new oppressor" and it sure as hell doesn't put you on the same level of morality.

This entire rant had one point: to briefly show people that Metal Gear Rising Revengeance isn't the nonsensical spectacle it's broadly perceived as, it's an action game that wears its political, anti-war influence from the broader Metal Gear franchise on its sleeve, and it does so loudly and proudly. I'm ashamed to admit it took me a while to understand it at first too, but I thought having english as a third language played a bigger role in this. To reiterate, it is a little bit concerning that the broader english-speaking internet seemed to miss the point of the game so hard, and it probably goes to show how generally immature we still are.

If you're still interested in this flawed masterpiece after having the ending spoiled, I was going to stream it all in one sitting this weekend (nice plug, loser), and/or you can get it for 5 bucks on steam right now, since there's a sale ending on the 27th. With all that being said, thanks again for reading through my ramblings 🙏

[donttalkaboutmemes]

Tarzan (1999) Sentence Meme

Under the cut you will find 100+ sentences from the 1999 version of Tarzan to use for your enjoyment!        

1.      “Mummy, look! Look over there!”

2.      “I’m fine. No, really, honestly. It’s just that I got a little…sidetracked.”

3.      “It’s freaky-looking, okay. That’s what it is.”

4.      “I’m going to be his mother now.”

5.      “You know, he’s not so bad once you get used to him.”

6.      “It won’t replace the one we lost.”

7.      “It’s not our kind. No, you have to take it back.”

8.      “Take him back? But he’ll die!”

9.      “If the jungle wants him…”

10.   “I cannot let you put our family in danger.”

11.   “Des he look dangerous to you?”

12.   “I know he’ll be a good son.”

13.   “I said he could stay. That doesn’t make him my son.”

14.   “I sure scared you, mom!”

15.   “Can’t you imitate any quieter animals?”

16.   “Why don’t you just come up with your own sound?”

17.   “Hello! Are you thick in the head?!”

18.   “How many times do I have to tell ya? If you want him to like you, stay away from him!”

19.   “The fun has arrived! Thank you very much.”

20.   “I had a little pest-control problem, but it’s all taken care of.”

21.   “Tell me I’m not looking at the hairless wonder.”

22.   “We got a tiny little itsy-bitsy problem here, okay? Personally, I’d love to hang out with you. You know I would. But the guys, they need a little convincing.”

23.   “Like I said, it’s stupid, right? Take it from me. Go home, okay?”

24.   “This guy’s great! Hey, if he lives you should bring him around more often!”

25.   “Mom, are you sure this waters sanitary? It looks questionable to me.”

26.   “There are no piranhas in Africa.”

27.   “Don’t tell the kid that. Of course there are piranha’s in Africa.”

28.   “Buddy, don’t die on me! You weren’t supposed to do it!”

29.   “Get away from there! Don’t you know a piranha can strip your flesh in seconds?”

30.   “You idiot! You nearly gave me a heart attack, ya happy?”

31.   “You almost killed someone!”

32.   “He’s only a child.”

33.   “That’s no excuse. You can’t keep defending him.”

34.   “He will never learn. You can’t learn to be one of us.”

35.   “Give him a chance? Look at him! He will never be one of us!”

36.   “Why am I so different?”

37.   “Forget what you see. What do you feel.”

38.   “How’d you know it was me?”

39.   “I’m your mother. I know everything.”

40.   “I thought you knew everything.”

41.   “It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Someone’s gonna get hurt here and it’s always me.”

42.   “What kind of animal are you?”

43.   “Move aside, out of my way. Best friend coming through. That would be me.”

44.   “Don’t make a habit of that, okay? There are other ways of getting attention, you know.”

45.   “I knew I was born for Africa.”

46.   “My father an I came on this expedition to study gorillas and I think your shooting might be scaring them off.”

47.   “You hired me to protect you, and protect you I shall.”

48.   “Excuse me, but these are wild animals that would sooner take your head off than look at you!”

49.   “Are you what all the fuss was about?”

50.   “No, no don’t give me those crocodile tears. What would your parents have to say?”

51.   “Go easy on him, children will be children.”

52.   “Oh, I’m in a tree with a man who talks to monkeys.”

53.   “Oh, it can’t get any worse, can it? Obviously it can.”

54.   “Oh, you do speak! And all this time I thought you were just a big, wild, quiet, silent person thing.”

55.   “Maybe he’s lost. Or found something more interesting.”

56.   “What are you, nuts? What could be more interesting than us?”

57.   “Pull yourself together, you’re embarrassing me! These things aren’t alive!”

58.   “What kind of primitive beasts are responsible for this mess?”

59.   “And daddy, they took my boot!”

60.   “I haven’t the foggiest idea.”

61.   “Everyone, we will avoid the strangers. Do not let them see you and do not seek them out.”

62.   “They mean us no harm.”

63.   “You may be willing to risk our safety, but I’m not.”

64.   “Why are you threatened by anyone different from you?”

65.   “Protect this family and stay away from them!”

66.   “Why didn’t you tell me there were creatures that look like me?”

67.   “His eyes were intense and focused and…I’ve never seen such eyes.”

68.   “Shall I leave you and the blackboard alone for a moment?”

69.   “Have we met? How does he know my name?”

70.   “I see what you mean about those personal boundaries!”

71.   “Moves like an ape, but looks like a man. He could be the missing link.”

72.   “Shouting won’t help. He doesn’t understand English.”

73.   “If I can teach a parrot to sing ‘God Save The Queen’, I can certainly teach this savage a thing or two.”

74.   “We’ve wasted all this time on what he wants! The boat could arrive any day! Now ask him straight out!”

75.   “I’ve never seen him so happy.”

76.   “I’ve waited thirty years for this and I won’t leave until I see a gorilla.”

77.   “You’re the captain! Just tell them you had engine trouble and give us two more days!”

78.   “This is your fault! I should’ve followed my instincts and set traps for the beasts!”

79.   “I was so afraid that you wouldn’t come in time. The boat’s arrived. The boat that’s come to take us home to England. Well, I was wondering…well…we really hoped that you’ll come with us, won’t you?”

80.   “Go see England today, come home tomorrow.”

81.   “I know it sounds awful, but you belong with us. With People.”

82.   “Women! How typical! Even if you hadn’t grown up a savage, you’d be lost. There are not trails through a woman’s heart.”

83.   “Get the boys together. There’s going to be a change in plans.”

84.   “Can you believe that guy? Drops us like a newborn giraffe, kerplop! Now waltzes in here and expects us to just…”

85.   “I’m asking you as a friend.”

86.   “I thought that dress was rather slimming on you.”

87.   “What are you doing? Do you want to frighten them off?”

88.   “I asked you to protect our family, and you betrayed us all.”

89.   “Come with me. There’s something I should’ve shown you long ago.”

90.   “No matter where I go, you will always be my mother.”

91.   “Yeah, well, good riddance, alright? Who needs you, huh?!”

92.   “You can’t imagine what’s in store for you! You’re going to see the world and everyone’s going to want to meet you!”

93.   “So sorry about the rude welcome, old boy, but I couldn’t have you making a scene.”

94.   “That’s it! I’ve had it with you and your emotional constipation!”

95.   “I remember you. I think this one would be better off stuffed!”

96.   “I could use a challenge, because after I get rid of you, rounding up your little family will be all too easy!”

97.   “Go ahead, shoot me. Be a man.”

98.   “Not a man like you.”

99.   “Forgive me for not understanding that you have always been one of us. Our family will look to you now.”

100. “Take care of them, my son. Take care of them.”

101.  “London will seem so small compared to all this.”

102.  “I can’t help feeling that you should stay.”

103.  “Captain, tell them you never found us. After all, people get lost in the jungle every day.”

[loosingmoreletters]

"nobody asked about my writing" meme

Tagged by @gravitywonagain (just posting this on my writing blog instead the personal you tagged) Thank you so much! This was a lot of fun to do!

 1: what are you currently working on? 

so many things because I can never have just one WIP. Lots of mdzs stuff that is, if you want one coherent theme, trans, and sort of trying to fix things.

As for original stuff, I'm still trying to find a name for my last protagonist and make three languages.

2: summarize your current project 

which one? uuh, I'll just pick a posted WIP:

deeper than the ink: in a desperate attempt to keep Wei Wuxian from spending the rest of his life in the Burial Mounds, they fake his death and create a new identity so very different from his own that keeping the secret has more far-reaching consequences than anyone realized.

a new season has come: covers one year of the three-year time skip in deeper than the ink in which Wei Wuxian raises a-Yuan, adjusts to his new life, and teaches Xiao Xingchen how money works.

3: summarize your current project poorly 

picking the fic of which I wrote the first and a half chapters in some kind of fever haze:

take me home country roads: They travel with a goth teenager, a corpse they like, a corpse they're ambiguous about, the world's worst gender identity crisis, and Lan Qiren. The fact that they’re not caught is a fucking miracle.

4: describe your favorite character or characters

I love characters that are kind despite everything that happened to them, despite what the world tells them they ought to be? Characters that care. They can fuck up, make the worst mistakes, go off the deep end for a bit if they want, but I'm here for that I just want to help, I don't want anyone to get hurt, please keep them safe desperation

5: post a line from your current project without any context.

“Well, in any case, you’ll have to wait to march me out of the Cloud Recesses, my legs refuse to work,” Wei Wuxian said with a sardonic smile. “What was the rule again? ‘No killing within the Cloud Recesses’?”

6: how do you get through writers block?

well, writers block usually happens to me when I actually have a lot of IRL stress that I sometimes aren't even aware of. But usually I just keep switching between various projects, write little scenes, make a interest board and so on.

7: would you want to live in the world of your current work?

absolutely not. fairly sure anybody who wants to live in any variation of the mdzs setting needs to lie down, touch grass, and remember that AO3 has been down for less than a day and we're already crying

8: briefly discuss your outlining process, if you outline 

I do outline for long WIPs! Usually I make a rough outline for the plot before switching into making them for every chapter. It's mostly because the way I write my first draft requires me to have a more or less clear sight of where this is supposed to be going. my outlines tend to be on the funny side, like this:

9: what is the aesthetic of your current project?

Going with a new season has come: gardening, embroidery, finding peace and quiet because you need it, being undone in your skin and coming apart at the seams and sewing them shut again.

10: what song sums up your current work the best?

Obviously, the song I named the fic after!

This was a lot of fun!

I tag: @eventualtoast, @ghostwriterofthemachine, @magic-owl, @noxgold, @liverbiver9

[jervis-tetch-my-beloved]

Hello there!!

Apologies for the random (very long) ask but, I saw your post back from April of the "Society if..." memes about some of your Gotham opinions, and I have a question about the Jervis one.

Let me preface this by saying... I'm a huge Jervis fan, he's without a doubt my favourite Gotham character, and it really fucking sucks that I usually can't say that out of fear that people might think that I condone his actions. I've seen people saying things like "Sometimes I find myself really liking Mad Hatter, but then I remember what he's done :|" many times, and it's such a shame since he really is an incredibly fun, charismatic and likeable character (as well as a huge threat as a villain!), but hating him for the whole Alice plotline is perfectly understandable and I can't blame anyone for it.

My question to you is: if you could rewrite his initial plotline in Gotham, still having Alice be his sister and a major part in it since her death is the catalyst to.. pretty much the rest of season 3, what would you do differently so that is wasn't y'know, extremely predatory? Would you instead lean into the fact that he was her legal guardian for a time and turn his motivation into a more "older brother who's far too overprotective" thing, or do something else entirely? I'd love to know!

For a bit of context, I've been working on a J Squad comic since we were ROBBED of more content of them so I've decided to fix that myself, and the initial part of it is an adaptation of their origin story arcs within the show. Comic/book to show/movie adaptations are never 1:1, so I'm not so worried about making alterations myself as long as the end result is the same, which is why I really want to change Jervis' initial arc while still maintaining the same motivators and ending, but fix the gross, predatory aspects of it.

Once again, sorry for the super long ask!! But you really seemed like the best person to come to for help on this subject 😅

Hope you have a good rest of your day!!

Tw: Inc*ct, SA, quick alcohol mention, trauma, kidnapping, and basic gotham violence

Sorry for taking so long on this anon, I’ve had to think about this for awhile, and have strong opinions on this topic.

I wanna discuss a few things in here along with answering your question, the first being why they made him like that in the first place.

I think this is just a personal preference but one thing I noticed while watching the episode at first is that Jervis is played by a conventionally attractive actor, a man who generally looks good. Unlike multiple of his counterparts, such a Arkhamverse or TNBA, which described him as a gross little guy. When you watch you don’t expect anything from him like that, because he’s just a normal guy- right? As he talks about his sister more you start to get hints about what type of person he is, self centered and controlling. I believe this is supposed to mimic a “Predator in plain sight”. Cause before he kidnaps his sister he’s a normal guy, someone trustworthy even.

Now, I don’t know why he is like this or how he developed the romantic attraction in the first place but I suspect that it was due to the death of his parents. I have two theories about why he coped with his trauma like that.

The first one is that his parents didn’t die from an accident, but he killed them himself. He is shown to be a merciless killer. Perhaps his parents found out about his love for his sister, and he becomes upset and killed or hypnotizes them. Maybe that’s why his sister ran away, she found him killing them and he confessed his love for her, maybe even hypnotizing her and assaulting her in this period of time. He would snap her out of the trance, as I don’t think he would like her to be hypnotized, and she runs and gets away.

Another one is that their parents die in an accident, I personally believe perhaps in a drunk driving accident and he is left traumatized along with Alice. And to cope with it he becomes overly attached to her, scared to lose her the same way they did their parents. Learning his hypnosis to keep her safe inside the house. Eventually, he spends all his time with her, sacred to lose her and be alone. He grows romantic feelings for her cause if their married, she can’t leave. This would explain his obsession with Alice in Wonderland, perhaps needing to relive the happy childhood he lost after they died.

Now, if I were want to rewriting him, I would simply make it so he wasn’t in love with her, and he just needed his sister to help ground him to reality. So he finds her, and wants to take her back to relive their childhood together, hence why he dresses her as Alice from Alice in Wonderland. He enjoys the simple innocence he once had.

Anyways thanks for reading this. Bye bye love you kisses

[shadestriders]

Shipping Info

WHAT IS YOUR OTP FOR YOUR CHARACTER?:

Now, technically it’s Raern/Alana, but I feel like that’s a bit of a cop out, so if I had to choose a canon character for Raern... You would think I might go with Sylvanas, but really, Raern is a much better character when her attraction to Sylvanas goes unrequited. So... here’s an interesting one... Raern/Tess Greymane. I think Raern would be trying to manipulate Tess somehow, and then would actually get to know her and see a lot of traits she finds favorable and would grow a sort of affection there.

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO WRITE WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING?:

Just about anything, so long as it fits the character chemistry. Anything NSFW would likely be moved to Discord, though.

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?:

WELL It really comes down to races at that point. Raern is about the equivalent of 25-27 year old human, so I would be comfortable shipping her with humans in their twenties, even though that’s a two hundred year gap. But I wouldn’t be chill with that kind of gap with an elf (with the other partner being younger, that is). Raern shipping older? Oof, sky’s the limit on that one, really. 

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?:

Not super selective. Raern is the more picky one, lol. If the chemistry/attraction is there, I’m down to write it out.

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED NSFW?:

It’s a delicate line, I think... basically, if we’re getting to the point of using terms for genitalia, it’s time to transition it to another platform/under a cut.

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?:

I mean... not as a rule, but because Raern is such a picky partner, an OOC conversation (or several) is probably in order.

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?:

In between? Okay, that’s a lie, I’m pretty Ship Obsessed, but not necessarily just romantic ships. I’d love to see Raern develop more relationships IN GENERAL because she’s such a damn mess on her own.

ARE YOU MULTISHIP?:

Of course. I’m open to either poly ships or have separate AUs for each ship.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?:

Uhhhhhhhhh... I will always have a soft spot for Sylvaina, but I’m starting to kick around plot bunnies for a longfic of Shandris/Vereesa...

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?:

Ask! Slide into my messages and let’s have a conversation, brainstorm some plots and whatnot. Tagged by: @kalistra-heartpride

Tagging: Uhh... I think this already caught everyone, but just in case lemme send it to @shadowsblades and @lightsblade (even tho like half of this doesn’t apply to you two, lol)

[tonesplash]

twilight boys encountering a 'pick me'

a/n: just felt like writing something fun w these three today. edwards is the longest because i like him. reqs are open :))

warnings: both edward and emmetts get a lil dark, seth has the only sane response, cursing and fem!reader

edward cullen

he has no choice but to know everyone in a 5-mile radius, so as soon as he lays eyes on them in his head, he's already like 'this fucking guy😒'

genuinely perplexed how they thought this was going to go

Edward is a curious man. Humans are weird creatures. So the first time they approach he is going to at least give them the benefit of the doubt.

As soon as they even spoke ill of you—

*Heavy sigh*

"Come on." And then throws his arm over your shoulders and walks away like a fucking diva, as many times as it takes.

if they are a little harder to get rid of

his first instinct is to protect, if he senses you can't take it or remove you from the situation if you are the type to throw hands lol

doesn't really matter who they are

"Edward, that was my lab partner, you dick."

"Yeah? They were about to tell me all about how you used to eat dirt and then ask out for coffee later. Do you want to turn around?"

if they don't take the hint, then boo hoo, they can face the consequences of messing with the guy willing to die for his s/o

Edward gets mildly psychological. he never touches a hair on their head, but his methods are a little... long-lasting

he won't tell you either, you'll just be curious and ask after your usually persistent annoyance

you asked how they were doing one night over the phone, and they'd shakily confessed to you that lately, just when they start to think they're alone, in tight rooms and smaller spaces, the lights will cut off, doors slamming shut and locking tight for sometimes hours until someone finds them. They ask if they can speak to Edward. He hits the end call button.

they don't answer your texts anymore :/

that, and the hostile stares across the lot, usually gets the job done

but if it's someone you absolutely have to be around, or you explicitly make it clear you want this person in your life for whatever reason,

he can muster the niceties, but that doesn't stop him from pressuring you to get rid of them, even if you think you aren't personally affected, hearing negative things flung around about you is mentally taxing to anyone going on for long enough, and he doesn't think forcing a fake friendship for any reason is healthy

if the reason you give him is something materialistic—say you are using them for their pool

he will pave it in your backyard like those guys on youtube using bamboo and mud if it means you listen to him

if they cross the line again he is absolutely that guy to stop the conversation with "and what do you mean by that?" "What is that supposed to mean."

until they respond, completely killing the vibe 🙄

emmett cullen

you already know what it is

anything this man thinks is coming out of his mouth right away

they try to be subtle, making little digs at you here and there, and smoothing it over with some personal anecdote no one asked for or acknowledges. Give him a second. Emmett is a little slow to catch things like this.

Maybe they take it too far, or if you complain about it at all–

*80+ years of American public school activated*

"The hell did you just say?"

and if they try to apologize, backtrack with some well-meaning bs to get on his good side?

absolutely DISGUSTING, begone thot

"People wouldn't hate you so much if you weren't so weird all the time" 🥴

Emmett isn't out to blow anyone cover or anything, but what are the Volturi going to care about a couple of American highschool write-ups

unrelated, but now I'm imagining one of the Cullens(probably still Emmett) having a prison arc because they keep beating high school children's asses until they are sentenced and then breaking out years later. it becomes a local legend and his mugshot is memed for years

he gets mean, but if they wanted him to stop, they wouldn't shit talk his girlfriend right in front of his face

Emmett is a car guy. I'm sure he identifies strongly w transformers. his first thought is always gonna be the car.

he isn't above dinging doors and bumpers, keying something mildly threatening, perhaps rigging it up to his jeep and hauling it to the far side of the parking lot and ruining their transmission for the entire school to see, if he's feeling wild

If they don't have a car? He at least has the self-control for some mild intimidation.

walking a crowd is always a risk. You never know who is going where at what time, who could step on a lace, stick a leg out, snatch their collar like scruff and yank sharply until they fall on their ass

It's petty, girl.

seth clearwater

He picks up on their dislike of you pretty quickly and is kind of worried for you cause–

Are you not aware? That this one person really seems to dislike you? Why is no one else talking about this?

he wants to be nice to your friends, so he waits for your cue, desperately side-eyeing you for the entire conversation, waiting for you to shut their jealously down

they say something rude about the way girls like you take care of yourself and he is just beyond over it and blurts "Okay—What?!"

really pitchy and confused, and also blinking incredulously because what the hell is their problem

Seth is a pretty persistent guy, and he not going to just let someone slip an awkward insult at you and continue to talk to him like normal

he'll be nice at first when they immediately apologize to you and him profusely and everything is cool again

until five minutes later, when you mention being a little tired and they cut in to ask him how you can even keep up with him, greedily eyeing the smooth brown skin of his arms, exposed by his sleeveless shirt, not subtle at all in their admiration of the lean musculature

"What are yOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT⁉️" he explodes, controlled in his anger but soo frustrated at having to listen to this crap, and then the unwanted advances.

he figured it was part of it with the redirection of every subject back to them, but he can't even think about that because that came completely out of left field and he can't just gloss over it again to keep the pace, mamas 😩 yes he says mamas, his sister is a lesbian i think its funny

completely bitches them out, but it's just an itemized list of every horrible thing this person has shown about themselves in the short time he has been around them — and after he has said his peace, calmly leaves

you follow him,ofc

[thefanficmonster]

Faux Innocence

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: None

Genre: FLUFF, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having the reputation of the innocent angel in the group, one could never imagine Y/N being such a badass impostor and expert liar but here they have found themselves fooled by the angel who wears that halo just for show.

Requested by @kpopgirlbtssvt Hello hun! Here’s the other request you sent me, I’m really sorry it’s been so long and you’ve had to endure such a long wait until it’s posted but here it finally is and I hope you enjoy the read! Love, Vy ❤

“They’ll be done for in no time! Right, babe?“ I stick my foot out to the side, nudging Corpse’s leg.

There most certainly are pros and cons when it comes to sharing a gaming/streaming/recording room with me, and the whether the constant pestering is a good or a bad thing is still up in the air. I mean, yeah Corpse rolls his eyes every now when I do it, but I’ve also caught him smiling about it out of the corner of my eye. Bottom line, I do it to invite that almost childishly mischievous smirk on his face. That’s the ultimate reward.

And ok, yes, I’m also the one trying to peek over the barrier separating out computers to peek at his screen to see if he’s impostor or not, but he tolerates that bad habit of mine. Well, he sprays water my way or gently whacks me with a pillow, but I consider that toleration. It’s a playful little dynamic we have going on, one we don’t have to perform today since we’re impostors together.

I cannot recall a time that has happened before. In fact, I can say I’ve been paired up as impostors with everyone but Corpse. I personally think it’s a practical joke the game’s algorithm is pulling on us, seeing as how we’ve been dating for quite some time now. I mean, that’s the only way to explain this coincidence of never being impostors together.

Looking at the subject now, it may be hella beneficial for us considering no one would suspect us both to be impostors together. Everyone is in on this ‘misfortune’ of ours and it’s honestly hilarious but Corpse and I are about to rip them a new one, I just know it.

“Oh, definitely! I’m the risky half, but they’ll never suspect you so we’re 100% winning this.“ He replies, sending a wink my way. He’s vaguely surprised when I return it with a narrow-eyed look.

“What’s that supposed to mean ‘they’ll never suspect you‘? I’m a great impostor! Is that you questioning my skills I’m hearing?“ I raise an eyebrow, turning my attention back to the screen which displays Corpse and I alone in Electrical, pretending to be doing tasks and waiting on our first victims.

“No! No, not at all. Far from it. It’s just that you are...well, you know...you are you. No one would think you’re the one dishing out all these tactical kills. You always seem relatively interested in the game only to have fun and not to win and....“

“Look sweet and innocent.“ I cut him off, finishing his sentence, “Yeah, yeah, I get your theory.“ Suddenly, I hear Rae’s chipper voice approaching, talking to her chat, I’m assuming. This gives me a rather...interesting idea. With that in mind, I give Corpse a side-glance and a devilish smirk that’s promising trouble, “Let’s test it out, shall we?“

“Wha-?!“ Before Corpse can even say his question fully, Rae wanders into the room, cutting him off with a question of her own.

“Test what out?“ She asks, coming to stand between us, doing her own task.

I’m so sorry, Rae

Before anyone could fathom it, I swiftly kill Rae and report her body, all seemingly in the blink of an eye. Corpse hasn’t even fathomed half of this insanity when he hears an accusation being thrown right at him.

“Corpse, how could you?!“ I cry out, and damn - not to toot my own horn or anything - but I’m pulling off the ‘distressed friend-witness‘ act quite well. I bet Corpse would give me an impressed look or mouth ‘minx’ at me if he wasn’t staring at his screen with his mouth agape. “You were planning to blame it on me weren’t you?!“

“Wait...no! That’s not-It wasn’t me! I swear it wasn’t me!“ He finally finds his voice, croaking out desperate defenses, each cut off by a wheeze of something alike shocked laughter that almost gets me to break out in a fit of my own.

“Very convincing, buddy. He’s definitely innocent, you guys...“ Toast comments just as the ‘VOTED‘ sticker pops up above the icon of his avatar in the meeting.

“Right? How could you even think otherwise?“ Leslie backs him up, the sticker appearing on her icon as well.

“Guys! No, for real, it’s Y/N! I swear on Bingus it’s Y/N!“ He probably should’ve used something more convincing, not that it would’ve worked either way. I’m a ‘trustworthy‘, ‘innocent‘ and ‘honest‘ person, just like Corpse said. Aren’t I?

Mere seconds later, he’s shot off the ship, the screen confirming he indeed was an impostor, automatically getting the blame off me cause no impostor would be dumb enough to out their partner like that, lowering their chances at victory. I don’t consider that a dumb move though - I think it’s rather genius, actually. 

“Don’t worry, Corpsie.“ I give him a wink in return to his death glare, his arms crossed over his chest, looking quite unamused. “I’m winning this one for you.“

We both know I can and I will. Of course I can when I’m given the advantage of faux innocence everyone falls for - in more ways than one, if you know what I’m saying *wink* *wink*

@maat-the-prescriptive  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @itsminniekat  @hacker-ghost  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze  @divine-artemis  @waterlilypat  @idontknowwhatthisisfam  @evi-ka  @classyandfabulous00  @redperson58  @lilysdaydreams @solowheein  @mythicalamphitrite  @axen-gers  @luckygirl144  @nj01  @buddyemily   @the-albino-lioness  @stardream14  @gdhdkfnn  @nomadicgypsyy  @preciousskye  @fluffysuicideunicornsworld  @o-kaelin  @manacharlotte  @awkward-youtube-trash  @lolalee24  @bonky-beerns  @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian  @strawbrinkofdeath  @teenloves  @tams0527  @browneyespinkhair  @starstruckllamapuppy  @daisychains012  @y0ulooked  @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life  @jula-pauline  @melodykitty  @just-that-bi-girl  @crazybutconfidentaf  @lowellshade @alphakees  @bellero  @weallneednamjesus  @starryhanji  @boiled-onionrings  @husherstan  @fockingwhore  @melaningoddessthings  @prettypastelpetals  @haleypearce  @godwhyamiawkward  @y-napotat  @daisychainyoonmin  @little-miss-rebel3  @free-wheelin-bi-sexual  @redmoon261 @darkacademic2  @wiseflamingoqueen  @into-the-end  @namikhai-i  @nastiablr  @thelittleplantlover  @mirktuan  @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny  @vintagegothlover  @easygoingtheatre  @itsrandombooklover  @miiaivi  @emmybaybee  @befourgolden  @jjk-is-my-shit  @eternalteaaars  @spacebadgerx  @princesslunalight  @acequinn14  @samm48  @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa  @fo-love  @marishimomura-blog  @therealglenncoco  @cinnamonbun332  @killtherandomness  @sanshinexxxsan  @fee-btheweeb  @press-lay  @cathleenpotgieter16  @jazzydoesstuff  @moonlxghtbay  @forestrain2000  @hyunjinhugs  @blood-of-fandoms  @lovellylies  @ukiyolixx  @simpforhpcharacters  @chrisdylan17  @parkerjisung  @pedernille  @theodonyous  @wineandionysus  @malfoystilinskii05  @morbid-x  @coryisagee  @jessewa26  @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365  @raeanneinwonderland  @indecisive-empanada  @gluttonypalace  @loriane2503  @btsiguess-kpop  @khaoticbunny  @lucidlycactus  @smiithys  @rottenroyalebooks  @kpopgirlbtssvt  @fangirl-tc27  @fr0z3n-1  @notmesimpingfortechno  @shotarosleftpinky  @kunoi-chan  @idk-whats-wrong-with-me  @yikeroonie  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @poetry-and-tea  @ama-do-writing-stuff  @wishbonewolf  @emeraldxhope  @t0xick1tty  @kusuinko  @speakyourselfloveyourself  @sophia902103  @lo-manburg  @classsykittykat  @dmgama  @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee  @btsiguess-kpop  @akaashi-baby  @gun-jong-simp  @geschichtenfee  @yerapotato-wp  @browneyedgirl365  @thysagclub  @sparklycloudnight  @helloatomicshadow  @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal  @lucy-bunny17  @aaliyahh0  @katluckybear  @boyleanti  @straybids  @franchesca-791  @cosmicstorm19  @averyisbackinthetrashcan  @aomi-nabi  @xlanawriter  @allensimpsforcorpse

[unhealthyfanobsession]

can i ask for jealous jealous cassian 😭 i’m weak for jealous possessive cassian

Ok everyone wants Jealous!Cassian and I am but a humble servant. I’m using this broad prompt to get out an idea I made as a half joke/meme a while back but now is the time to make it real. Also it involves Tarquin/the summer court but mostly in a tangential way so if you’d like to read a far superior drabble on that @vidalinav has been putting out some bangers.

“I need you to go get Nesta.” Cassian stomped into Feyre’s studio, arms tight to his sides, hands curled into fists. He was going to kill his mate. After he got her back and apologized and made sure she wasn’t mad at him anymore and brought her some tea and let her read for a bit… THEN he was going to kill her. Sneak attack.

He was going to kill her for worrying him like this. Yes, he’d messed up, but… this was cruel and unusual punishment. It wasn’t jealousy. Ok, it wasn’t just jealousy. She… she was one half of his heart and soul and body and she chose to go to the one place he count follow. He’d have followed her into every hell that every god could come up with, but this… this was worse than hell. This was politics.

“Funny thing with this whole mates situation is that one of us in this room has a literal physical tie to Nesta and knows where she is at all times. The other does not. So I think that probably if Nesta is gone it should be you getting her, no?” Cassian glared, not at all impressed by Feyre’s little witticisms at this particular moment. “Unless she’s shutting you out?”

“She’s not shutting me out.” Cassian said through gritted teeth. It was so much worse than shutting him out. She was actively NOT shutting him out. Teasing him with where she was, who she was with, the fact that he couldn’t go after her. “She’s in the Summer Court.”

Feyre laughed. Set her paintbrush down, wiped her hands off on her smock, and walked around the other side of her easel. “Oh you must have done something bad, Cass.”

“No! I…” the massive Illyrian warrior sighed, dropping his head like a chastised puppy. “We may have passed one of my, um, friends… in the street by the Sidra.”

Feyre rose an eyebrow. “So? You and Nesta both have lovers all over this city. It’s never been a problem before.”

“Right. Well. This one, um, talked. A lot. And it wasn’t just a one night thing so then Nesta may have asked me what I’d seen in her because honestly she was being really weird so that was a fair question and I may have said that she was usually a lot nicer but Nesta tended to bring that coldness out in people.”

“What the fuck, Cass?”

“I know! I know, it was stupid and I didn’t mean it and I was just playing around and I thought it was a joke but she got all mad and next thing I know my brain is flooded with pictures of her in a little bathing suit on a boat and I know Tarquin is there with her and I’m banned so I can’t go and just please go get her Feyre! Please. She’s my mate and I can’t say I’m sorry if she isn’t here.”

Feyre sighed, “Fine.”

Nesta was having a great time on her vacation. Not only because the water was glimmering and dolphins were jumping up around the boat and she was tanning under the bright warmth of the summer sun.

But also because she knew Cassian must be going out of his mind. HAH! That’ll show him. Did she care that much about a bad joke? No. Had Cassian been growing a little bit too comfortable in the little cocoon they had made for themselves? Yes.

So let him miss her for a day. Or maybe a week. It’d be better for them both when she came back. Her toes were already curling at that possessive little growl he’d give once his arms were around her again. Not the loud, dramatic roars of a climax but the little back of his throat growl that Cassian gave whenever anyone or anything got too close to Nesta. Even Azriel once. Though she supposed that only meant her mate was perceptive.

“Two Archerons on my humble barge,” Tarquin grinned as the air turned a little chilly the way it did when someone was winnowing into a space. “What could I have done to get so lucky.”

Nesta sighed as her little sister fell out of the sky. “He sent you?”

Feyre nodded. “He’s really torn up, Nesta. He feels awful.”

“Good.” Nesta crossed one leg over the other on her sun lounger, hand reaching back. Tarquin obliged the silent request for a new cocktail with a giddy smile.

“It’s been hours, don’t you think that’s punishment enough?”

Nesta gasped, turning to a smirking Tarquin in shock. “You think I’m here to punish my mate? What kind of a person would do such a thing! No no, I’m just here to get some sun and catch up with my dear friend Tarquin.”

Feyre narrowed her eyes. “You and Tarquin are friends?”

“Best friends, I’d say.” The High Lord of Summer smiled, showing off every one of his pearly white teeth. Sure, they were friends. Friends in torturing certain arrogant Illyrian generals.

“Uh hu.” Feyre drew out the syllables.

“You look stressed,” Nesta slipped her sunglasses down her face and turned back to the sun lest she end up unevenly coloured. “You should grab a drink and join us. I was going to go for a swim in a bit.”

The bait dangled and Feyre rose up on her toes. Feyre loved swimming. She always had. Said it made her feel weightless and free.

Tarquin was behind her with a magically frozen slushy drink in a heartbeat. “Come on, High Lady. Take a break.”

Feyre sighed, but cracked a little smile. “If I remember, you do know how to throw a party, Tarquin.”

Nesta smirked as Feyre sat down on a deck lounger beside her and a hard tug pulled on her heart.

Not her heart, but her rib, where the bond was tied.

Have a fun day, mate.

[bastillewolf]

Hello idk if the requests are still going but if not then its okay ignore this and if they are please don't over work yourself and you don't need to do my request if you don't want to just stay healthy and eat well and drink lots of water we all live your work (and are simps for corpse-)

The ask : could I ask for a corpse husband x reader where they used to get shipped together before they even meet each other and when they meet each other corpse goes soft for reader and they play two rounds In among us together where they are imposters together and corpse is an imposter alone in the other round

Reader info : reader has a very soft voice and is a softie and the pronounce is she/her or they/them ( as you wish)

Again you don't gotta do it if you don't want to

Thanks so much for the ask, An. I was feeling like shit and this was a lot of fun to write. I’m sorry though, I completely read over the part where the reader was supposed to have a soft voice. I’ll see if I can make another one with this specification sometime. Also, I wrote this rather quickly because I’m watching Twilight for the first time and now my feelings are hurt.

#CorpseBride - Oneshot

Pairings: Corpse / Reader

Twitter wasn’t really your forte, but you knew how to get around. It’s just that you never really had the time to check it, let alone to see what’s on the trending page every single day. At the very least, you were capable of replying to your friends’ stuff and letting your viewers know when you were streaming or when a new video would be up. Again, you weren’t a pro, but you got by.

Until you didn’t.

“Hey, everyone,” you greeted, and immediately went to change your Among Us figure to its usual colour and outfit before someone else took it.

Everyone welcomed you, while it seemed Toast was still busy trying to get a last person to join.

“Whaddup, baby,” Corpse’s shot out from the rest of them. It was pure teasing, something he’d grown quite comfortable with ever since people had blatantly started simping for his voice. “Nothing much, honey. How’ve you been?” You cheekily replied. “Pretty good. Streaming still makes me nervous, though.” “You greeted me with ‘Whaddup, baby’ and then proceed to tell me you’re nervous? Don’t get upset when I say that I don’t believe you.” He chuckled at that.

5… 4… 3… 2… 1…

Impostor

“Ha!” you called out, “I doubt this will soothe your nerves, Corpse. You’re teamed up with me now.” You sneaked in a glance at chat. “We are not an old married couple! If anything, he can be my bitch for this round. I’m just not gonna murder anyone.”

And that’s basically how it went. He managed to kill three people and still wasn’t being sussed. “Alright, I think I’ve tortured him enough,” you laughed, “I’ll even spare Sykkuno for the man.”

You managed to corner Toast and killed him in a corner where the water wheels were, before heading out into admin. You vented until you found Corpse in Labs and jumped out. It was right when Sykkuno walked in.

“Oh, god no. Please, Sykkuno.”

Your kill count still wasn’t down yet and he was obviously planning to run straight out the door to hit the emergency button, but he was stopped. Corpse had murdered him in an instant.

Your mouth was hanging open. “Did… Did he just kill Sykkuno for me?” Chat was going absolutely wild. “What the fuck just happened?” You decided to report the body anyway.

“I can’t fucking believe it,” Corpse growled, “Not my best friend, Sykkuno.”

You had to mute yourself to keep the laughter at bay. Corpse evidently vouched for you, saying you’d walked in on the body together. Felix was sussed and voted out.

“Corpse, you killed me!” Sykkuno cried out.

“I’m so sorry, Sykkuno! I wanted to spare you but you walked in at the wrong time!” You pleaded.

“Sacrifices had to be made,” Corpse merely responded.

“Wait, what happened?” Sean asked.

“I walked in on one of them venting and then Corpse killed me!”

“Collateral damage. You watched me get killed one time, too.”

“Blame me, Sykkuno. It was my fault,” but you were laughing as you said it.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard such regret coming from an imposter,” Sean laughed along, “Also, why the fuck were you two being so slow? Three meetings in and you’d only killed three people.”

“Corpse was simping for me,” you replied.

“I was not.”

“Yes, you were. Otherwise you would’ve asked me what the hell I’d been doing that entire time.”

“Fuck off,” he laughed.

“Corpse is an UWU-boy!”

“Oh my god, you guys are already trending.”

“Wait, what?”

Your phone was being blasted off to space, getting tons of messages with the hashtag #CorpseBride. It was number 1 trending on Twitter.

“So… whaddup, baby?”

“Oh no, you better buy me a drink first.”

“Sure.”

 You hadn’t thought he’d been serious in that moment, until he’d asked you to meet up after the game had ended. You hesitantly agreed, but reminded him that he absolutely did not have to participate in this just for the meme. “I’m not doing this for the meme,” he’d said, “I’ve been wanting to ask you out for a while, I just never knew how. It seemed like the perfect timing.”

You met him at his apartment, knowing how he was about going out in public, and feeling extremely nervous. You’d brought takeout, and because you hadn’t been sure what he wanted you’d ordered way too much. Upon opening the door, he looked at you, down at the bag, and said, “Shit, you got food?” Not really knowing what else to say, you simply replied, “Uh, yeah.”

“Well, I guess we’ll have lots of leftovers, then.”

He smiled, gave you a hug that ended way too fast and left you paralyzed for a minute, and then invited you in. It turned out he’d already ordered food, too. “Plenty to choose from,” he laughed awkwardly. “Uh… You got any neighbours who might want some?” you asked.

“I-I don’t really talk to anyone outside of my friend group.”

“Oh, of course. I could go around, if you’d like.”

“You’d do that for me?”

You furrowed your brows. “Of course I would. Why not?”

“Alright, but let me at least come with you. You just do the talking.”

Three knocks at three different doors later, and someone accepted the offer and took over some of the food. “Hang on a minute,” the elderly man said, clad in only his pyjamas and a bathrobe, managing to make the situation even more uncomfortable, “Aren’t you my neighbour? You always scurry off before I get the chance to talk to you!”

You looked at Corpse, and he back at you, and you turned back to the elderly man. “He, uh… He’s very people shy. He has anxiety. I’m trying to help him cope. Also, his vocal chords are damaged.” Nothing you’d said so far had been a lie, technically, but the man still remained sceptical. “Then why didn’t you just leave a note or something?”

“Uh…” you jumped at the small voice appearing from behind you. It’s just that his ‘small voice’ is still nothing close to small. “I know, I’m terribly sorry, sir. I also just wanted to let you know that if you ever need anything, I’m just a few doors away.”

This seemed to please the man enough.

“I can’t believe you made me do that.”

“I made you?!” You gasped, “I didn’t make you do anything, you filthy liar! You’re just as bad in real life as in Among Us, when you’re the impostor and I’m the innocent crewmate.”

“No comment.”

“I didn’t even ask you a question.”

“No comment.”

“Deadass?”

“Deadass.”

You both laughed. Corpse hesitated for just a moment, but decided to ask anyway, “Were you nervous when I opened the door?”

You chuckled awkwardly, admitting, “Yeah, I was. I always get anxious meeting people. Well, we’d met before, of course. But just, you know, in real life.”

“I get it.”

You stood there in silence for a moment, until you noticed the rest of the takeout in your hands was getting cold. “Come on, wife,” he joked, linking his pinkie finger with yours, “Let me get you that drink.”

If he hadn’t dragged you along then and there, you could’ve sworn your knees would’ve given out.

TAG LIST CLOSED

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[monsterenergysimp]

Permanence

corpse husband x fem!reader 

summary: you meet corpse on a stream and you’re surprised when he reaches out to you 

warnings: cursing, mentions of tattooing

word count: 1.9k

notes: This is proof read but could have missed some stuff. This is my first corpse fic and my first time writing fanfic since I posted that super cringey book on wattpad when I was like 12 or something. I’d appreciate feed back so please reach out to me :)

main blog @itsmysleepover

read part 2 here!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You were cleaning up your station so you can get home and stream. You loved your day job as a tattoo artist but you also really enjoyed streaming. It started as a way to promote yourself as an artist and the shop you worked at but it eventually became a really fun way to destress at the end of the week (or day if you were really itching to stream). “Hey Y/N was that your last client?” your boss, KC, asked as she walked to the front of the shop and put new flash drawings on the walls.

“Yes ma’am!” You said back excitedly. You finished cleaning your station and tossed your black gloves in the trash. “And you can’t trick me into staying and taking walk-ins,” you joked with her. She rolled her eyes and walked back into her office “It was one time,” she said as you slid on your jacket. As you walked out your phone buzzed in your pocket and you checked to see who had texted you. It was a message from Sean asking if you were free to play Among Us with him and some other streamers. You replied that you were on your way home right now and totally down. You were excited to see who was playing this time around since their Among Us streams are super entertaining and have gotten really popular.

On your way back you tweeted and posted to your Instagram story that you’d be streaming soon and set up all your stuff once you made it home. After a few minutes, you had a couple of thousand people watching. You entered the discord chat and Sean spoke up. “Everyone this is Y/N she’s sensitive so be gentle.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you guys and I’m not gentle, I'm ruthless,” You say into your mic and notice the chat calling you a liar. Everyone was in the lobby waiting for the game to start. “You sound way too sweet to be ruthless,” Corpse said. The countdown started and you were imposter with Charlie.

“This should be fun,” you told the stream. Yout tried playing strategically but after such a long shift your brain was mush. You saw Poki in nav and killed her then vented into shields. Not long after the body was reported and you were sure you were going to get voted out or at least sussed.

“Where was the body?” Felix asked. “Nav and I didn’t see anyone near there so whoever is imposter must have vented,” Corpse responded. Felix spoke up again. “I think I saw Y/N walk that way and I haven’t seen her since.”

Shit, shit, shit shit. “I’m in shield right now so-” you said trying to defend yourself but Charlie spoke up. “I was doing tasks with her earlier and I saw her walk into shields so she’s safe but I’m still not sure about Rae.” Everyone discussed a bit more and some people, including Corpse, voted for you but Rae got the majority vote and was ejected. You released your breath and kept playing being extra careful.  

“Okay, guys that was super close. Corpse knows and is out to get me,” you said to the chat. You were eventually voted off but one round later victory was written across your screen with your ghost and Charlie’s avatar. “Good game guys,” Corpse said.

“I told you guys I was ruthless!”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You sat at your station doing nothing because a client had canceled a four-hour session. You were listening to music and sketching some stuff but you were bored out of your mind and you didn’t want to leave in case you got a walk-in. The music got quiet as you received a twitter notification saying someone had messaged you. You reached for your phone and saw you had gotten a dm from Corpse.

C: hey :)

You didn’t know what to respond. You were mostly confused as to why he decided to message you out of the blue. Did he want something? But what would he want?

Y: Hii! This is sudden

C: was i bothering you?

    shit sorry!

Y: Youre fine I wasn’t doing anything rn

C: how has your day been

    i dont usually do stuff like this

Y: Im glad you did im doing better now I was so bored

C: what were you doing that was so terrible

Y: NOTHING! thats the problem :(

C: im sure youll find something to do

You stared at his message. Unsure what to respond.

Y: Im gonna give myself a tattoo

C: what?

    NO!

You tossed the needles you used for your tattoo into the sharps box. “Oh my god you didn’t,” KC said. She noticed the wrap on your calve from the tattoo you just gave yourself out of boredom. “It’s not my fault I didn’t have anything else to do!” You said trying to defend yourself. She sighed and just shook her head. “Just go home business is slow today.” It was raining so the shop probably wasn’t going to get a walk-in anyway and you didn’t have any more clients for the day. It was only 2 pm but you drove home and after making lunch for yourself decided to stream. You weren’t expecting too many people so it was bound to be super chill. Your leg felt sore reminding you of the tattoo. You snapped a quick pic of the fresh jack-o-lantern on the side of your calve and messaged it to Corpse.

Y: [image] it came out nice!

C: thats  super cool actually

    i was concerned why you would just give yourself a tattoo but i found your instagram and       youre super talented

Y: Thank you!

For some reason, it felt strange to just have that be the end of your response.

Y: Im about to start streaming if you wanted to watch

    [link]

C: ill be watching ;)

What’s that supposed to mean?

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You sat in your apartment watching tv, hand lost in a bag of Doritos, and scrolling through twitter. You had stopped paying attention to the anime playing on the screen since you’ve watched it a hundred times and knew you wouldn’t miss anything. It was Saturday and you usually take those days off. Take the time to do chores or meet up with some friends but today you felt like not doing any of those things. As you continue your endless scroll (not helping the twitter addiction you told yourself you’d try to get a handle on) you got a message from Corpse.

C: wanna talk?

You looked down at the message unsure of how to answer. It was a simple yes or no and the obvious answer was yes. You and Corpse had started talking more regularly. You still didn’t have each other’s phone numbers but it was fine. Your conversations weren’t too big-- just you sending him memes, tiktoks, and telling him how much you liked the songs he would drop. Or him complimenting a tattoo you did. Sometimes he’d message you during streams telling you funny stuff his fans would say in the chat and you’d do the same. You learned a bit about each other but nothing too deep or serious. Like how you two lived a few cities away and you both really liked Donnie Darko. When Sean first invited you to that game out of everyone else there you were most excited to meet Corpse. He’s just so sweet and funny. Of course, you’d love to talk to him but you were also itching to talk to him and the last thing you’d ever want to do was make him uncomfortable.

Y: Yeah id love to talk

Here goes nothing.

Y: Wanna facetime or something?

     No pressure or anything it could even be a regular call

     I think facetime is just my default lol

You sent those last two messages quickly after you had sent the first. You wished you could know what he was thinking. It was killing you to think you had turned him off from talking to you completely. You put your phone down on the couch and went to wash your hand of Dorito dust. When you got back from the kitchen you turned off the tv and tossed yourself onto the couch.

Still no message.

Why am I so fucking stupid?  

Just as you were standing up to stretch from sitting on the couch all day your phone buzzed. You reached for it fast and looked to see that it was him. You became super excited still not even knowing what the message said. It could have told you to never talk to him again for all you knew.

C: sure lets facetime

    xxx-xxx-xxxx

You had his phone number. You added him to your small but growing contact list and called. You sat on your couch waiting for a response when he finally picked up the screen was black. It didn’t upset you; you kind of expected it and didn’t care what he had to do to make himself more comfortable during this call.

“Hey,” he said. His voice was raspier than usual.

“Did you just wake up?” You asked and looked at the time. It was about a little past noon and you had only eaten Doritos all day. Shit, you should probably make a decent meal.

“Not that long ago but yeah,” he responded and giggled. That giggle.

“Well, I’ve eaten nothing but Doritos all day while rewatching Ouran High School Host Club, so you’re welcome to join me as I make myself something to eat.”

“Sounds like fun; what are we eating?”

“I don’t know yet,” You said as you stood up and made your way to the kitchen. You opened the pantry and looked. You noticed a can of diced tomatoes and reached for it then checked the expiration date. It was still good. On your counter were some onions and garlic. “How about some tomato soup?”

“Sounds delicious.” you smiled at Corpse and your phone screen not knowing if he was also looking at his screen or not. “You’re really pretty-- you know that?”

“Thanks, but you don’t have to--”

“I’ve already told you what an incredible artist you are so many times I bet you’re tired of hearing it, but you already know what a talented artist you are.”

“That is very kind of you Corpse,” you said to him bashfully as you chopped the onion and opened the can of tomatoes. “But once again you don’t have to reach so far to compliment me.”

“I’m not reaching you are talented and beautiful and--”

“I thought I was pretty.” You could hear him chuckle with a smile on his face. “You’re both,” he said. You could feel your face getting warm from blushing.

“Fuck you you’re making me blush. My face is all hot and stuff.”

He laughed at how flustered you got. “That’s the cutest thing ever.”

You didn’t know how to respond so you just put some olive oil in a pot and tossed in your onions. It became silent but it was a comfortable silence. You turned the stove on and watched the flame for a few seconds. “If it was dark we could pretend we were together and having a bonfire or something,” you said to the phone as you turned the camera to show him the flame (still not 100 percent sure if he was looking at you or not).

“I’ll put it on the list of things to do when you visit me someday.”

[chiliiscereal]

So my friend has been on and off lately.

I decided to write this for me cause I needed it.

Requests are open!

Chosen last

Summary:

Readers friends only invite them to things if they have no one else to go with. Reader keeps their mouth shut about it and just guesses that this is how friendship works. One day they meet the turtles and April, and for once they’re not chosen last.

Pairing: platonic turtles x reader

(Implied female reader but I’ll do my best to avoid pronouns! Sorry if a she/her slips out)

“I couldn’t find anyone else to go with me so do you want to tag along?”

“I had a plus one and everyone else was busy.”

“No one else can make it and I don’t want to be lonely. Wanna go with me?”

“Sorry I guess I forgot to invite you!”

“What do you mean you were there? I could have sworn you were somewhere else... huh poor memory I guess.”

“Sorry! There’s no room for you to come with! Next time for sure though!”

All of those were common things you’d heard before.

You weren’t exactly sure if it was a normal thing in friendships. It must be since no one else mentioned it.

Still, it hurt that you weren’t prioritized. You were always the last thought. Last minute.

And you always said yes.

Someone needs you to be their plus one for the dance so they don’t look bad?

There you are.

Someone needs a wingman for this boy they like?

You’re already on your way.

It’s not that you minded.

You just wanted to be... appreciated.

You just wanted them to see you.

Maybe they would if you kept trying.

Maybe they would if you made them a homemade gift for each birthday.

Maybe they would if you always answered back their texts right away.

You thought you needed to earn the right to be appreciated.

You realized how wrong you were when you met the turtles.

————

You brought your jacket closer around your body, shivering.

Of course you had to walk home! Alone! In the dark! In the RAIN!

Apparently it was too much to ask for a ride home after hanging out. There wasn’t enough room in the car!

Of course.

Just like every other time, asking to come along was too much.

You shivered again as rain dripped down your back.

“This sucks.” You groaned.

You eyed every dark alley way. You’d read enough fanfiction to expect some cringey creepy man to come out and attack you.

But what DID attack you was completely unexpected.

“LOOK OUT!” A voice shouted.

You didn’t even have time to flinch before something landed on top of you. The weight of it brought you to the ground with a shriek.

“Sorry about that!”

That wasn’t a ‘something’ but a someone!

They scrambled off you quickly.

You stood up and whipped around, rubbing your aching head. “What the hell were you doing?! Do you do parkour on the rooftops or something?!”

Ugh, today just wasn’t your day.

Finally, you glanced up.

They... they clearly weren’t a human.

Green skin...

Orange dots?

A... a shell??

And an orange mask.

Your jaw nearly dropped.

The creature gave you a sheepish grin. “Umm... hey! Yeah... maybe.. possibly... I was doing parkour on the roof...?” He rubbed the back of his neck and eyed the sky, a blush forming across his face. “I was on my way... my way to the comic con!”

He must be looking for a way to leave.

You weren’t ready for that though. You still needed to know what he was! And possibly his name!

You inched closer, holding your phone closer. Just in case. “What... what exactly are you?”

His eyes were on the floor now, as if your words had made him... upset.

“Sorry if that offended you!” You responded immediately. Ugh why did you word it like that? You didn’t mean it as if you thought he was a monster! “I just... I’ve had a really confusing night, my mouth runs faster than my brain, and I just got body slammed into the cement!” You rubbed the back of your head again.

He seemed much more satisfied with this answer. “Well... I don’t think you’d believe me...”

You eyed him up and down. “Dude, I think just looking at you would be enough for me to believe you.”

He let out a small laugh. “So ummm... yeah. I’m a turtle?”

You frowned. “Yeah, I think I see that.”

Well this was a strange turn of conversation.

Why not?

It’s New York after all.

He shuffled nervously. “People aren’t really supposed to know about it.”

You waved him off. “Psh, I don’t have anyone that would want to hear it or believe me anyway.” You stepped closer, your grip on your phone loosening. “Honestly, that’s pretty cool! I didn’t know people like you existed!”

It hurt but it was true.

Your friends would think you were making stuff up for attention.

“MIKEY!”

The new voice cause you to nearly jump out of your skin.

Three people, just like this guy, landed by his side.

One with a red mask and build like a tank.

Another with a blue mask and strange yellow stripes.

The last one had a purple mask and a staff of some kind.

“Are you okay, little man?” The red one asked worriedly. “You just took a huge fall!”

“I swear you’re gonna be feeling that a week from now.” The blue one snorted, resting his SWORD on his shoulder like it was a baseball bat.

“I estimate it’ll be closer to three weeks.” The purple one corrected, tapping a device on his wrist.

You stepped back.

There were more people like... Mikey? Was that his name?

Well, might as well find some way to get into this conversation. You weren’t gonna let the most interesting thing that ever happened to you slip away.

“You’re name’s Mikey?” You asked, the three surrounding the orange masked turtle jumping.

“Human!” The blue masked one shouted.

The large red one shoved Miley behind him. “Hi! Uh... we... we were just on our way to Comic-Con!”

“Guys-.” Mikey tried only to get Interrupted.

“Could you help us find our way?” The purple one joined, cutting him off.

You raised an eyebrow. “Nice try. I already know you guys are turtles.”

“Dang it Mikey!” The blue one shoved Mikey. “You just gonna spill our secret to everyone you meet in New York?”

“She deserves to know!” Mikey squeaked. “I messed up a flip and body slammed her into the concrete!” He turned to you, eyes hopeful. “And... she didn’t seem scared of me!”

This stopped the other boys.

Mikey shoved them all away from him. “These are my brothers! Leo,” he pointed at the blue one, “Donnie,” the purple one, “and Raph!”

You waved awkwardly, eyes landing warily on the largest one.

These guys didn’t seem as sweet and trusting as Mikey.

Donnie was looking you up and down for any sign of a threat.

Leo has his sword out.

Raph has his tonfas ready in his fists.

Maybe it’d be better to just leave.

“I’m not gonna tell anyone.” You shook your head to further emphasize your point. “I was just walking home anyway. All of this...” you spread out your arms, “was a complete accident.”

Mikey gave you a toothy grin. “Yeah, sorry about that.” He turned to his skeptical brothers. “She seems nice! She could be just like April!”

You kicked at the ground sheepishly now that the attention was back to you. “You can just go and I won’t tell anyone.”

“We can’t just let you go.” Donnie scoffed.

For a split second, you thought they were going to kill you for finding out their secret. Or kidnap you. Something bad.

“Not with that whole situation.” He gestured to your forehead.

Curiously, you reached up and touched it.

Your fingers were wet with blood.

Go figure.

“No, it’s fine, really.” You assured them. “My apartment isn’t too far-.”

“Please, it’s fine.” Raph waved you off. “It’ll make up for this bonehead over here.” He loosely jabbed his thumb in Mikeys direction.

You wanted to say yes.

You wanted to say yes so badly.

“I don’t know, you probably got plans.” Leo shrugged, putting his sword away. “It’s a Friday afternoon, after all.”

That was enough for you to make a decision.

“No, I’m actually free.” You offered. “I actually don’t even have a medicine kit at my house-.”

“Alright let’s go!” Mikey grabbed your wrist excitedly and lead the way, not even waiting for you to finish your sentence.

————

You only meant to spend ten or fifteen minutes there, tops.

But after Donnie had your head taken care of Mikey wanted to know if you wanted to play a video game.

You couldn’t say no.

Then, after an hour of the Lou jitsu game, Leo wanted to know if you wanted to check out his sword.

You felt like you had to say yes.

It’s not every day you get to see a sword!

After accidentally getting portalled to New Jersey and FINALLY making your way back, Donnie wanted to know if he could borrow you.

He needed to fix his computer and he needed your smaller fingers to reach the back for him.

Saying no just wasn’t an option.

After almost exploding the poor piece of technology, Raph wanted to know if you knew April O’Neil.

You heard them mention her earlier but you didn’t know they meant THAT April. You’d seen her around before but never really talked to her. Who knew she’d be involved with mutants from the sewer?

He invited April to join them as well.

He thought some human company and someone who would make you feel more normal about the whole situation would make you more comfortable.

He was right.

April was AWESOME.

You hadn’t realized how loud and how fun she could be!

She talked to you about how she met the turtles and every little adventure they went on!

You hoped, secretly, that you could be a part of newer ones.

Eventually, the time came for you to leave.

You were sad of course, but you felt happier than you had in days.

You left with five new numbers in your contacts list and a baked green bean casserole from a rat.

Maybe you should get body slammed into the concrete more often.

————

“Wanna go to that party with me after school?” Your friend asked casually at the lunch table. “Dana couldn’t go with me and everyone else is busy. I need a plus one!”

You smiled as you responded to a meme Leo sent you, your friends words going in one ear and out the other.

“Y/n.” She asked again.

Still no response.

“Are you even listening to me?”

You snapped out of it and straightened up. “What?”

“You and I are going to a party after school.” She informed you. “We should probably pick out our outfits right when it ends. I don’t know if I’ll be able to drive you but you can just walk-.”

“Oh,” you picked your phone up again, “sorry, I have plans.”

This got her to stop. “You have plans? But you never have plans?”

Your other friend snickered. “Yeah, you’re a hermit! You never go out or do anything!”

You blushed furiously. “I’m going to my friends house to watch a movie, okay? I’m not a hermit.”

“A friend, huh?” One of them rolled her eyes. “How come I’ve never heard of them before?”

“I just met them last month.” You picked at your shirt nervously. Why weren’t they happier for you?

“Them?” Another repeated, shocked. “You have more than one knew friend?”

“Yeah.” You straightened up a bit. “Them. They’re super nice but they don’t go to our school.”

The first one rolled her eyes. “Fine, whatever, think what you want. But I need you to sit with me and Jake at the park tomorrow so he can compare-.”

You didn’t even let her begin to finish her sentence. “I’m busy that day.”

“Again?” She gaped. “Seriously?”

“Now you’re just making stuff up.” Another scoffed.

“Why is it so unbelievable that I’d be busy?” You glared at them, clutching your phone protectively. “You’re all busy all the time! Why can’t I be?”

They glanced at each other with knowing looks.

“Because you barely talk to anyone! No offense, but you can be really boring.” The one next to you shrugged. “What even is your friends name anyway? You’d have said their name if they were real.”

You felt your face heating up.

Boring?

Quiet?

“His name Mikey.” You grumbled. “And maybe I don’t talk because none of you give me a chance!”

“A boy?!” The one in front of you gasped. They didn’t even acknowledge any of your other words. “Please, how could you score a boy?”

“He’s probably really ugly, no offense y/n.” One chuckled as if she were joking.

You had enough. “You know, I’m feeling a little crowded. I’m gonna go sit somewhere else.”

“You don’t even have anyone to sit with! You’re a hermit, remember?” One girl called out to you.

“I do have someone to sit with.” You growled, heading for April’s table. You should have started sitting with her a long long LONG time ago.

“Alright, see you Monday I guess.” Was the reply.

The way they just blew it off... UGH. You wanted to punch something.

“Hey, what brings you to the cool kid table?” April grinned, shoving Dale over to make room. “Aren’t you supposed to be with your other friends?”

You managed to shove away the buzzing anger in your head, replacing your frown with a matching smile. “Nah, there’s not enough room for me AND their egos.”

April snorted, assuming you were joking. “Well there’s always room for you here!”

Those were words you’d waited too long to hear.

—————

You still saw your old friends and occasionally filled in for them when they needed an extra.

But you denied their offers more and more.

For once, you knew what it felt like to be prioritized.

“Hey we’re gonna watch a Lou Jitsu movie, wanna come?”

“I saw this glass painting trend online and I thought you’d want to come over and do it with me!”

“I heard this song and I thought you’d like it. Here’s the link!”

“Check our this hilarious meme!”

“Dale and I are gonna go to that shin dig. I don’t know if that’s you’re thing but you’re welcome to join us!”

What a refreshing change of pace

Let me know if I should make a part two!

[theparliamentofrooks]

HELLO FELLOW P2 CORE ENJOYERS

I bring to you: Our Guys :) and their headcanons I have for them. Did you know they're all Honduran I know because I'm Honduran too

ANYWAYS this is a sort of spoof AU where Everything Is Fine Actually and the cores are androids but also humans working at Aperture. Because I know that we need an excuse for Rick to justifiably fight a raccoon in the middle of a park on saturday calling this bad boy the Guy Quartet

General Headcanons

All of them work in completely separate departments. It's dubious if anyone actually likes Wheatley (/J). Rick got put in the fucking basement. BUT they all kept getting sifted into the same assignments that now they just talk to each other frequently. But that was preceded by SO MANY awkward overlapping lunch breaks

Once they all start hanging out they drop into each other's jobs spontaneously. They keep getting BORED and Tomas (Fact) all you do is WATCH PEOPLE TEST can I Please skateboard in your office. Thomas keeps a little tally (Milo (Space) visits the most and Rick gets visited the most GO AWAY THIS IS TOP SECRET)

Aperture constantly wants to fire them So Bad because none of them do much work. But Milo also says they are simply Having Fun :) and Tomas keeps either A) vouching for everyone or B) getting someone else fired

The only ones genuinely happy to be at Aperture are Milo and Rick. Milo has gone to college AND university to pursue a higher degree in astrology-related fields and Rick Just Fuckin Loves Danger

Rick keeps bringing in rabid animals he finds in the parking lot and it scares the living hell out of Wheatley. Coincidentally, Milo and Tomas are unaware of this habit Rick has

The individual headcanons will be under the cut :)

I THINK SPACE SHOULD STOP BEING DEPICTED AS A CHILD FOR ONCE SO HE'S GOING FIRST

Out of the four of them he's the smartest by a longshot. Started taking college classes in Highschool, and hasn't broken a sweat since third grade multiplication tables. He's the head of Aperture's Space Department (but usually doesn't stick around for busywork...)

Even if he's incredibly intelligent, he actually loves having fun! He's the one who coaxed the CEO into having various 'Bring your ____ to Work' days. Mostly because he needed an excuse to let random animals lounge around without getting in trouble.

He also does tours of Aperture for students! Because he likes teaching :)

But also has a very bad habit of giving kids his I.D so they can go look at cooler stuff off the tour under the pretense "Milo let us do it" and they can't just Fire Him

Milo is known as more of an enigma than a higher up by most. While he gladly reminds people of just exactly where he stands in the company by showing his I.D, he also likes to give into the rumors often

YOU KNOW THAT ONE MEME THAT'S LIKE "They'll never believe you" THAT'S MILO FUCKING WITH APERTURE EMPLOYEES

The reason he went for any other company is because his father used to work here, but as an astronaut. One trip up to the moon, he never came back down. Milo plans to find out just what happened to him, no matter what.

Rick Cambeiro - 37 - He/Him

Rick is one of the few people in Aperture that would Kill for this job. Even when it starts going to shit.

And that job is being a security guard: he can fuck around and join lots of experiments unprompted! LET HIM TOUCH THE UNUSUALLY COLORED JELLY

He's loud and constantly bugs any woman within a ten feet radius, but actually reads frequently! His favorite is fiction and poetry, and usually takes his breaks quietly with a book.

He wants to fist fight three tigers at once to impress women BUT APPARENTLY THEY ALSO LIKE INTELLIGENT MEN SO.

Rick considers a bro bond stronger than anything else. Everyone calls it pretty gay but he SWEARS it's brotherly. He's like 90% sure. Wheatley frequently reaches the brink of death in hugs and Milo leaps onto Rick as a "challenge"

He's got a bit of practice with makeup, but SPECIFICALLY so he could draw on some fake scars. He had five different stories for each, all depending on who asked.

But after something happened, it seems like he's cut out that habit...

Rick loves wandering around for various odd jobs for a security guard, but it nets him a lot of moments where he's seeing what he shouldn't. While Rick has the most information that could easily be used for the legal downfall of Aperture, it's a double-edged sword. It's only a matter of time until he's called in to be a proper test subject.

Fact / Tomas Decastros - 26 - He/Him

I'd rather die than use Craig for Fact. Also don't look at the art actually I misspelt his name ANYWAYS

Tomas works as one of the head supervisors for testing, generally watching over tests with the Aperture Handheld Portal Device. Lots of people flip between calling it the most boring job ("Glorified people-watching" - Wheatley) or the most fun one ("I told a guy a turret was supposed to be helpful one time" - Rick, moments before getting mauled)

Compared to the other people in the department, Tomas is easily the best at the job. Specifically because he actually remembers things! There's countless rules overlooked, and even then, did none of you try to read up on what we're testing!?

He's surprised he hasn't grown grey hairs.

While Milo has a lot of leeway in what he does because he's so high up, Tomas gets away with things like breaking dress code and taking triple the lunch breaks he's legally allowed to have by letting all the mishaps in testing slide.

Generally Tomas just tells people he took this job because it was all that was available, but in reality, he just can't stand how many deaths have been totaled up due to testing. He's only here because he wants to prevent as many as he can.

A habit he's well known for is spontaneously stating facts related to tests in the middle of them. Nobody ever seems to realize why he's doing it, or calls him out for being a hypocrite since he doesn't let anyone else talk to the test subjects. Outright stating a solution is against the rules, but merely mentioning a fact isn't, right?

Wheatley [REDACTED] - 34 - He/Him

Yeah that's right Wheatley's last. I know he's my no. 1 but also you WILL read about the other cores. Unless you skipped in which case </3

Anyways, my favorite fact about him: Wheatley is his first name. Nobody knows his last name. It's dubious if he even has one. Everyone just calls him Wheatley.

He's well known around the entirety of Aperture because he used to work at the front desk. It was the """"perfect job for him""" (- Wheatley) but it also started making employees use different entrances because he talked so much. And loudly too.

The pay was pretty good since his ACTUAL job was making sure various health and safety workers didn't get past the front (It seems the constant talking and making people go away DID work out!)

Eventually he gets promoted out of nowhere to be a scientist, even though he has no education awards/diplomas/certificates/literally anything to back himself up. It also happened to be about three hours after he typed in this pretty big number for something... Had to do something with the moon. Maybe a percentage of how much he liked it?

Well, he LOVES the moon. Which is why he put about 95%. Not sure what that did.

He's completely clueless, but all of his scientist coworkers actually hate him. He's got no reason to be here, and he keeps messing experiments up! It drives them up the wall! So their best course of action...

Signing Wheatley up for a week's work on the GLaDOS project.

He seemed a bit antsy, but with reassurance from his coworkers, it seemed fine. He came out of there three days earlier than planned because he had to be hospitalized for severe wounds.

Wheatley still works in the same department, and unfortunately didn't get a paid leave... But at least these scars look cool, eh?

[sirensfeast]

Again, OC banter/soundset meme by @wild-houseplant​ 

Voice option: Just imagine the mystical male elf voice in Origins. 

Soundset

Select PC: "What?” “Okay?” “What now?” “I’m here.”

Combat attack: “Idiots.” “Cone of Cold, bitch.” “Oooh, look at me, I’m a big, scary warrior with a big, scary sword!” [If a Templar enemy] “Try to Smite THIS, you bastard!” 

Mana/stamina low: “Shit... magic getting low...” “Yeah, so, I’ve got maybe one tiny, little Winter’s Grasp left in me.” “Give me a freaking lyrium potions unless you want your mage to be squishier than normal!”

Heal me: “Don’t mind the mage, he’s just DYING.” “Hello? Help me?” “Yeah, my blood is supposed to be IN my body.”

Near death: “Guess I’ll die.” “Say good-bye to your healer.” “HELP ALREADY!” 

Enemies sighted: “Oh for fuck’s sake.” “How many are there?” “Must I really put my book down for this?” “Maker’s breath.”

Dragon sighted: “Yeah, no.” “If you try to fight that thing, I’m not healing you. I don’t heal morons.” “Don’t even think about it.” “Hey, you know what’s really fun? Going around the giant, man-eating dragon.”

Spell/attack failed: “Well, shit.” “Oh, come on, you had to feel that one!” “Wha- how does a blizzard NOT affect you?!” “Andraste’s flaming tits!”

Fight over, enemies killed: “See, if you’d left us alone, you wouldn’t be an icicle.” “Is it just me, or are our enemies growing stupider?” “Ha ha. Morons.” “Too bad they don’t have such an excellent healer as me.”

Companion KO’d: [Alistair] “Shit! That looks bad!” [Leliana] “Hold on, Leli! I’m coming!” [Morrigan] “Morrigan! No!” [Sten] “Fiine, I’ll heal him.” [Oghren] “For fuck’s- Oghren’s down, everyone!” [Zevran] “Hold on, Zev! I’m coming!” [Wynne] “Wynne! Hold on!” [Shale] “How did they even-?!”

Trap sighted: “Look, I’m obviously no rogue, but even I can tell that super obvious wire is a trap.” “Yeah, sure, this random spikey thing in the middle of the path is totally not a trap.”

Open chest: “Uh, hello? Mage? Healer mage? What do you think I’m gonna do, magic it open? Ha! No.”

Cannot do the thing: “Yeah, no.” “Still not gonna.”

Banter:

Alistair “I’ve always wondered. Why do mages wear robes?

Mirage: “We wear them so we can easily hike them up and run faster as we flee from Templars that are trying to skewer us.

Alistair: “Er...”

Mirage: “I’m lying. We wear them so we can tear them off easily for the orgies.”

Zevran: [delighted] “Ah-ha! I knew it!”

Wynne: [wearily] “Mirage, please.”

Alistair: “Riiight. Forget I asked.” 

Leliana: “Have you ever thought about doing something with your hair, Mirage?”

Mirage: “Huh? What’s wrong with my hair?”

Leliana: “Nothing at all! It’s so long and beautiful, that it is a shame to never experiment with it.”

Mirage: “Well, the Templars did try to make me get a hair cut once. They stopped after I froze the first five that tried.”

Leliana: “Oh, I would never dream of cutting your hair! Perhaps I could braid it for you? I think it would look lovely as a plait.” 

Mirage: “Eh, sure, why not. I trust you.”

Leliana: [happily] “Wonderful!” 

Wynne: “You are a talented healer, Mirage...”

Mirage: “I’m sensing a but...”

Wynne: “But you have a terrible habit of allowing your emotions to interfere with your healing.”

Mirage: [annoyed] “Is this because I refused to heal Cullen? He was fine! Well enough to try to convince Greagoir to slaughter us all, in case you forgot!”

Wynne: [sternly] “There was no cause to refuse to help him because of your personal dislike.”

Mirage: “Yeah? Well, maybe next time he shouldn’t threaten to stab a bunch of mages because one might be a blood mage!”

Wynne: [sighs] “Honestly.” 

Mirage: “Bitches don’t get stiches.” 

Zevran: “Has anyone ever told you your eyes are a lovely shade of blue, my friend?”

Mirage: “No, not really.”

Zevran: “No? Such a shame. They are truly the stuff of songs.”

Mirage: “Why are you suddenly so fascinated with my eyes?”

Zevran: "It would be a crime not to appreciate such beauty, my friend. Surely a handsome man such as yourself has noticed you posses many fine features!”

Mirage: [coughs] “W-well, I can’t say I do...”

Zevran: “What say we retreat for your tent tonight, and I show you?”

Mirage: [sputtering] “A-are you implying what I think-?”

Zevran: “I could be, if you wish, of course. It is up to you, my friend.”