hiiii could i possibly request something with the good ol' "steve is insecure with his place in the group/his intelligence/his worth compared to the rest of the party" cliche with reassurances in the form of copious amounts of cuddles and kisses and pet names from eddie? you're so great for doing these and i'm eagerly waiting for the next chapter of call me sunshine <3
Not Steve "self-doubt" Harrington convincing himself he can't be loved because he doesn't fit in or provide "useful" things to the group!!! I am lowkey hoping someone maybe adds to make this explicit because something about them having to be quiet in a tent just sounds like it has potential idk. Eddie is so in love in this it makes me SICK. - Mickala ❤️ (@scoops-stevie)
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When Steve suggested that they do something fun together for the weekend, he meant maybe going into the city or renting a lake house maybe.
He definitely didn’t mean camping.
Outdoor camping was Dustin’s idea, and all the kids had agreed quickly. Robin bowed out the moment she could come up with a decent excuse and he could tell that Eddie wanted to do the same but wouldn’t abandon him.
Hopefully.
Eddie had quietly offered to steal another RV, but Steve turned it down.
“You just started getting back in the good graces of most of the town, let’s not give them a reason to hate you again.”
So they packed up the van with all the camping supplies they collectively had: three tents (one for the girls, one for the boys, one for Steve and Eddie), a couple coolers full of drinks and food, a few chairs, flashlights, sleeping bags, and clothes.
Steve wasn’t great at reading maps, so he let Dustin ride passenger to help Eddie find where they were going.
He sat with the girls, mostly because he liked the way they just ignored everyone and everything and talked amongst each other about mundane things.
He may not always understand what they’re talking about, but he liked being a part of it.
He almost never understood what they were talking about actually.
But it was better than having everything the boys were talking about go right over his head.
Especially when they started arguing about stuff and talked so fast that Steve had no chance of keeping up.
Steve just kind of watched as everyone around him had conversations.
He tried not to think about how everyone was existing without him in a way.
He was here, but he wasn’t needed.
—-----------------------
When they arrived at the campsite, it was even more secluded than they thought it would be.
It was also only a couple hours until sunset and they all had to make sure the tents were set up properly before it was too dark to see.
Steve got started with his tent while Eddie helped the girls. Max still had limited movement in her wrists so she was given the task of setting the chairs around the fire pit that Lucas and Mike had formed.
Steve was struggling.
He’d only put up one tent before, and it was at summer camp where the counselor and four other boys had been helping. In all honesty, he’d pretty much managed to watch the whole time instead of help.
He would manage to get part of it up, but it would fall apart when he tried to do the other side. He kept losing the pieces to keep it tied down to the ground.
He was losing against an inanimate object.
Everyone else was doing fine; Joking and laughing and finishing up their tasks like they didn’t have to put all their focus into one thing at a time.
El wordlessly started helping him, and he knew she wasn’t judging him, but he couldn’t help the small part of his brain that was telling him that she thought he was stupid.
He was quiet for the rest of the evening.
They cooked hot dogs over the fire that Will started, then made s’mores since El had never had them before.
He watched and listened, smiled when everyone else was.
But he felt overcome with sadness that he just didn’t belong here.
He was the babysitter, he took care of them, and drove them around, and helped them survive alternate dimension monsters.
He didn’t know how to talk to them about the stuff they liked, or play their stupid dragon game. He could barely keep up with half the things they said.
“Hey guys, I’m gonna turn in for the night,” he said suddenly, interrupting something Mike had been saying to everyone.
Everyone looked at him with sad looks, but Eddie looked concerned.
“You okay? Is it a headache?” He asked.
Damn, he hadn’t even thought of a good excuse. At least Eddie was providing him one for free.
“Yeah, just a little one. I think if I sleep now it’ll be fine by morning.”
The taste of the lie in his mouth made his lip curl slightly. The words “friends don’t lie” replayed in his brain as he stood up and made his way to his tent at the far end of their setup.
No one tried to stop him, but he could feel their eyes on him as he unzipped his tent and then zipped it back up behind him.
They’d set up lamps inside each tent so that they could reserve flashlights for bathroom trips or emergencies. His was the kind you can dim, so he did. He took off his shoes and jeans, changing into the t-shirt he brought from home that was probably Eddie’s now that he was looking closer at it.
He’d brought his pillow from home because he couldn’t possibly sleep flat on the ground, and Eddie had brought one of his own because he still had some back pains when he slept wrong.
He curled up in his sleeping bag, holding Eddie’s pillow against his chest.
He felt a tear start to run down his face without his permission, not even sure why he was crying right now.
He heard the zipper and tried to shut his eyes quickly, hide his face in the pillow in hopes that Eddie would think he was really asleep.
“Hey darlin’. Mind if I join?” Eddie whispered.
Steve couldn’t ignore him, so he nodded and started to move the pillow from his chest and face.
“Oh, sweetheart. Why are you crying?”
Steve shook his head. He couldn’t even begin to explain.
“Can I hold you?”
Steve let out a sob, and Eddie didn’t wait for him to answer.
He was laying down next to Steve, pulling him against his chest and running his hands up and down his back.
“Is it a migraine? Do you need me to get some ice from the cooler? Or medicine from the van?”
“No, not a migraine.”
“Okay. Is it just a bad night?”
Steve couldn’t help the fondness he felt at that.
Eddie was so understanding, and incredible, and perfect. Steve didn’t deserve him just like he didn’t deserve the rest of these people.
“Stevie, it’s okay to have a bad night. Sometimes they just happen, right? That’s what you always tell me.”
Eddie’s hand had found its way to Steve’s hair, slowly running through the strands, occasionally looping the ends around a finger.
It sent chills down Steve’s spine when his fingers brushed against his neck so gently.
“I just don’t belong here.”
“I’ll admit the outdoors is not really my favorite place either, but-”
“No, not. Not the outdoors. Here. With everyone.”
“Why wouldn’t you?” Eddie’s hand had frozen in his hair and on his back.
“I’m not smart. I’m not good at putting things together or fixing things. I can’t even be in most of their conversations. They keep me around because they don’t know how to get rid of me. I mean, they don’t even need a babysitter anymore!”
Steve’s tears were dripping onto Eddie’s shirt, making a mess.
Another reason he shouldn’t be around.
Eddie tilted his face up, nothing but love in his eyes.
“I want you to listen to me. You are needed in this group. You are wanted in this group. You are loved in this group. Do you really think a bunch of teenagers would be wasting a weekend camping with you when they could be going to the movies or the arcade or getting into trouble?”
Steve didn’t answer, but he sniffled as he watched Eddie get more passionate.
“And it is absolute bullshit that you’re not smart. How many times have you been the one to figure out something, whether it was during Upside Down shit or not? How many times have you been the one with common sense? You’re more than a babysitter, my love. You’ve always been more than that to all of them.”
They laid there in silence for a few minutes, Steve soaking in Eddie’s words as Eddie continued to comfort him in the way he needed.
“I just feel like I need to be more useful. I don’t want them to get bored or annoyed because I can’t be part of their world,” he finally said, his voice shaking.
“Angel, they love you for who you are. Just like I love you for who you are. You fit where you fit because that’s what the group needs. They don’t need another Dustin to always make connections because of one obscure fact relating to something he read once when he was nine. They don’t need another El to fight their battles.They need the Steve who is going to go along with whatever they want to do so he can protect them if and when things go wrong. They need the Steve who is always there to support them even with the most mundane things.”
“I couldn’t even set up the tent by myself.”
“None of us could. I had help. That’s why I told El to help you. None of us can do stuff alone, love. You’re putting expectations on yourself that no one else is putting on you.”
Steve shuddered.
He’d been pretty famous for doing that for years.
Once his parents stopped caring at all, he started caring too much.
And now he expected more of himself than anyone else ever would.
He’d set himself up to fail. At least in his own eyes.
“Did that finally get into that concussed brain of yours?” Eddie said, smirk evident in his tone.
Steve playfully slapped his chest and hid his face against his tear-soaked shirt.
“I guess maybe it did. A little,” he said.
“Good. You know I love you more than the stars, right?”
“And the moon?”
“And the galaxies in space.”
Steve settled further against Eddie’s side.
“I love you, too,” he sighed out, feeling content for probably the first time this entire trip.
In the morning, he’d start over, let his brain rest. He’d make everyone breakfast and then help them all make sure they were prepared for their short hike. He’d pack them sandwiches and extra water bottles in case they ended up walking further than they planned. And when they all got back to the campsite the next night, he’d make s’mores with them.
He’d ignore the voice telling him that he wasn’t enough for any of them, and he’d be enough for himself.
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