#suicidal mike wheeler

[w3bheadz]

where is my mind . . ?

Title from the song where is my mind by pixies

Just a lil Mike Angst for the soul bc there isn’t enough

mike dies , he was in a not so silly goofy mood 

It all started on that cliff. The moment he realized he couldn’t do it without will, was on that day at the quarry. He was happy Eleven had saved him, but a part of himself wished she hadn’t. Mike knew, deep deep down, this was his fault. He was the reason Will had been taken that night. Will could have stayed the night, Mike could have invited him to. But he didn’t. And Will was taken.

A couple days later, he went back to the quarry and sat on the edge, wondering why it hadn’t been him. They were all kids, sure, but why would it have taken Will. The kid that was mercilessly bullied with slurs, the kid he had sworn to protect since kindergarten, gone. Just like that.

Then, they found him. Not just as a body dumped in the quarry, but in the upside down. Will was taken to the hospital in which Mike refused to leave his side. Not to eat, drink, or shower, at least until his parents dragged him home.

He had never had good parents. His mom cared when it was convenient and his dad was a horrible person. Ted Wheeler, the epitome of bad fathers. He was constantly judging and criticizing Mike or he was forgetting the existence of his only son. There was never an in between. 

Ever since Mike was little, he was never about to be the most masculine, or the most athletic, and that bothered Ted. But then again, Ted was Ted. He was never happy with his son or his older daughter no matter what they did. Nancy and Mike were different though, She stopped caring. He didn’t.

Fast forward to the next hospital stay, Mike was the first to notice something off. He tried, so hard to tell them. To let them know it was a trap. But they didn’t listen, they just didn’t. And now they were dead. He had to tell Mrs. Byers that Will was the spy, and that they needed to make Will sleep. He covered his ears, but nothing could block out the screaming he heard that night. To this day, the screams will forever haunt the nightmares it brought.

Then in his garage , he stabbed Will’s emotions 

“ It’s not my fault you don’t like girls! “

Is what he said, and that hurt Will, he knew it did. And he would never, ever forgive himself for it. 

So when the byers left, and El kissed him, he didn’t kiss back. It felt … wrong- like it wasn’t where his heart was. At that moment, he knew exactly what it meant. He was in love with William Byers, and so far in that he couldn’t pull himself out of it if he tried. When everyone biked home, he went to the quarry instead. And thats where he found himself now. 

So, to bring back to the original thought, as Mike stood by the quarry, walking the edge, and looking over occasionally. He didn’t WANT to die, but he didn’t want to live either. Will was gone. He was in Cali, and he was going to make new friends, probably forget all about Mike. He deserved it though, Mike had been a complete asshole to him before he’d left. 

Will deserved the world, more than he could ever give him, but it was okay, because Mike couldn’t get in the way anymore. He’d be gone before he could interrupt or bother anyone ever again. He took a step off the edge, and as he fell, he thought of everything happy that had ever happened in his life. Most of the memories contained Will, and all of the sleepovers, the dnd games. It wouldn’t happen anymore. He accepted it as a fact of life before it all went dark. As the water knocked the air out of him, he whispered one last thing. 

“ I love you “

[aemiron-main]

kept awake by the fact that mike didn’t even TRY and hit the water when he stepped off the cliff at the quarry. like he didn’t even try. he just stepped off the edge. he didn’t even leap or run. he just stood there and finally stepped off, as if he’d been on the edge for awhile, both literally/physically and metaphorically/mentally.

like what was it that Powell and Callahan said about Joyce in season 1? Yknow, the only other person alongside Mike who believed Will was still alive and therefore they’re paralleled to eachother in that way and likely other ways? Oh right, they said:

“Joyce? About one step from falling off the edge.”

“She’s been a few steps for awhile now, hasn’t she?”

Just like Mike. Mike literally at the quarry was one step away from falling off the edge (he STEPPED OFF, FELL OFF, he didn’t jump, just like how Joyce has been a “few steps” from “falling off” the edge), but stood there for a fair while/walked up to it and was literally “a few steps away for awhile” from it. this applies not only physically to Mike but also mentally/emotionally. It took so little to make Mike step off the edge because mentally he’d already been on that edge for awhile, already been a “few steps from the edge.”

like do we really think this specific wording related to Joyce’s grief and depression is just coincidental in how it aligns exactly with Mike’s actions? That they chose to write those lines in that specific way for fun? That they chose to have Mike STEP off the edge instead of jump off because they were in a silly goofy mood? Do you think that they connected Mike’s actions to Joyce’s grief over Will via that quote and then ALSO had mike step off at the EXACT same spot where Will was though to have died all accidentally?? Because the duffers tripped and dropped that subtext in there? NO! It’s deeper than Dustin’s baby teeth for Mike, deeper than the bullies. It’s about grief and loss and depression and Mike’s self-sacrificing but also self-loathing nature and his difficulty with processing loss and strange tendency to both catastrophize AND be good in a crisis. (hint: he’s probably so good in crises BECAUSE of how his brain catastrophizes and goes to the worst case scenario, because it means that he’s more ready for that worst case scenario. but it also leads to him being READY to do ‘worst case scenario’ things like stepping off of a cliff to his death.)

Michael “‘See? Physics!’ in s3” Wheeler very likely knew that he wouldn’t hit the water with the way he ‘jumped’ (key point: he didn’t jump, he stepped off) He Knew. It was never just about the baby teeth.

[oncamelliastreet]

i really hope in season 5 there will be some acknowledgment of mike jumping off of a cliff while he’s presumably finally letting some of the years worth of trauma he’s been keeping bottled up out. i mean, he’s a great friend, but he barely hesitated to sacrifice his own life and he was only 12, and the only people who know about it are dustin and el. i really hope it comes up to will or joyce or even hopper just to see somebody finally acknowledge that the mental illness this boy is dealing with is genuinly serious suicidal ideation since a very young age and somebody will tell him that they’re glad he’s still here and give him a goddamn hug

[autistic-katara]

*holds up blorbo like a wet kitten* (incredulously) look at this queer autistic! it’s traumatized! it wants to die! who the fuck did this to them?!

[cloudycleric]

ok tw for suicide & abuse but im i kinda popped my pussy with this one

byler angst is real

[hawkinsincorrect]

Eleven: What are you guys doing?

Mike: We’re here to... save you.

Eleven: You were gonna save me?

Mike: It was a really good plan, too!

Eleven: Well, I can go back inside and you can still do it.

[wibble-wobbegong]

he hasn’t changed, by the way. he’s willing to sign his life away to save the people he loves, no matter the cause. that once looked like death itself, but it’s now incomparable to a lifetime of forcing himself to pretend. to lie. death is a mercy when it stands against forcing himself to be something he’s not, but he’d do it anyway to save el.

[bottomlessabyssposts]

"Don't wish for Mike to be suicidal" BFFR. It's about the information we have in the fucking show what are you SAYING... "I'm waiting for the Duffers to confirm it" SINCE WHEN did we wait for creators to do that. SINCE WHEN. They put facts IN THE SHOW that clearly indicate Mike's declining mental health. Also, wasn't he confirmed to be depressed or something?

[brionysea]

it's so fucked up how mike is always expected to be the one to reach out. by his friends, by his family, by his parents. grown adults who let their twelve year old stay in the basement for hours on end after seeing his friend's dead body and didn't bat an eye when he failed to show up for breakfast the next day

he's always having to be the one to come to them. it's not hard to see he's not okay. everyone can tell when he's acting weird. this is how people saw mental health in the time period, this is what owens told joyce to do about will, and when joyce heard it she found it ridiculous

"so it's just gonna get worse and worse and we're just supposed to pretend it's not happening?"

that is not okay. leaving anyone alone like that is not okay, but especially not a vulnerable, traumatised child who wouldn't know what honest communication is if it slapped him across the face

mike's self esteem is already on the floor. he punishes himself by not eating. he was willing to kill himself at the ripe old age of twelve when given the slightest excuse. and getting told that all relationships are conditional, that he's only useful when he's taking care of people, that when he's the one in distress no one will seek him out, that no one needs him like that anymore so he must be utterly worthless, is not helping

[willbyersabyss]

Hopper gets the call that Benny committed suicide right as he’s standing at the edge of the quarry. Will’s body was found there the next day. The constant association of suicide and Will's disappearance. Hopper hesitates to say that Will accidentally fell in. The scene of Karen telling Mike to open up to her is directly before the scene where they find Benny. Mike jumped off the edge a few days later. The implications of it all. The implications.

[ghoulsanderson]

Furthering my Mike Wheeler gets vecna'd in s5 agenda

(also a corny will byers has powers entrance at the end) (also not so sneakily encouraging others to write more Vecna Possessing Mike Wheeler fics) (If you do pls tag me I'm addicted to them)

-----------------------

Vecna knew Michael Wheeler. Had known him since a fated night in 83' when he'd seen him through the lens of his Demogoron, fighting stubbornly for Will, for Eleven, for everyone.

He'd known him in the lab when terror shook him to his bones, but his feet stayed planted at Will's bedside like a stubborn weed. When he foiled his plans time and time again.

He'd known him in Starcourt when he threw himself in the line of fire for Eleven.

Vecna knew him as the wrench in his plans, the thorn in his side, the boy braver than most, which is why he thought this would be a lot harder. He expected Mike to fight, to yell, to escape, to writhe and struggle.

And he had, momentarily. Mike had run away, cursed him and spewed insults, but the instant the vines entrapped his arms and legs, he fell like a puppet with his strings cut in what looked like near-relief. Like the chase had been routine, robotic, and he'd never planned on surviving at all.

He'd been in the boy's head, so he thought he knew the ins and outs of Mike Wheeler. He knew the dark thoughts Mike had at night, the rare visits to the quarry, where he sat under the stars and weighed the pros and cons of jumping, the dreams he had that should be nightmares where El didn't save him at all.

He knew this.

And yet, in the end, he still expected more of a fight.

"Giving up so easily?" He taunted as his vines pulled Mike up to the pillar, wrapping around his neck, waist, and thighs, though he wasn't sure he needed that much security.

Mike scoffed, splattered with blood from his falls, covering his face like red freckles and spilt across his yellow hoodie, "You've got me. Fuck else can I do?"

Vecna chuckled, stroking a finger down Mike's cheek like he was endeared, "Not even a beg?"

"Like I'd beg to you." Mike rasped, the vine around his neck tightening until his eyes bulged, sure it was going to break him.

Vecna grinned, "You're letting me kill you?" He cocked his head and pinched Mike's chin, forcing the boy to face him, "You're going to make your friends and family watch you die?"

Mike convulsed with a raspy shout, "Fuck you!" He coughed, gasping for air, "I'm n-not doing s-shit!"

Vecna's beady eyes stared at him, dissecting him like a bug under a magnifying glass, "Did you hope for the hero way out?" He asked, sinister, mocking laughing bubbling in his throat, "Did you hope I'd kill you in some sad twist of fate and they'll mourn you and curse my name? Never knowing that you got what you wanted."

Mike tried to growl, to shout a refusal, but it broke into a litter of sobs, cracking out of his throat, his tears parting the blood on his face.

"I could." Vecna cooed, wiping away a tear, "I could kill you now and use your tragic willingness to kill William later."

"Fuck you!" Mike wailed, trying for the first time to tug his wrists free, "E-El w-will save me a-any... any min-minute now! Y-You won't tell t-them s-shit!"

He nearly gagged at the pressure on his adams apple, vision blurring as he failed to suck air into his lungs.

Vecna sighed, "But they already know, Mike." He leaned forward, watching pure horror start to mould its way onto Mike's face, "She's here... watching... she's been watching all this time... but she can't save you. I won't let her."

Mike's whimper broke, his struggling becoming weaker and weaker as his air ran thinner, "I-I'm sorry..." He sobbed, and Vecna knew he wasn't talking to him this time.

His caress on Mike's face morphed, becoming rough nails digging into his scalp, leaving crescent marks that bled, "It's time."

He leaned his head back, his power travelling like fire through Mike's body down to his ankles, his knees and his arms, where he started snapping them one by one.

Left leg, right arm, right leg-

"Get away from him!!"

Vecna roared as he was slammed through the wall of his decrepit house. He considered fighting back, but the force pinning him down was ignited such fury, pressing him down like he was being buried alive. He felt it on his fingertips, his legs, his body, and his face. He felt it crushing his neck and squeezing the air out of him.

In a spur of fear, he fled, disappearing to the safety of his demonic realm in a cloud of smoke.

Will panted, blood pouring from his nose and ears, but he found the strength to sprint, "Mike!" He wailed, catching the other boy's body as he fell like a ragdoll, bloodied, injured, and unconscious, "Mike! God, no, no, no, no, please! Please wake up-, please. I love you!"

El joined his side, sickened by her failure. Again. She'd failed again, "Mike!" She cried, collapsing onto his chest, hugging him where he lay in Will's lap, "Mike..."

***

The group was a wreck, everyone trying to comfort each other but falling apart themselves.

Lucas had thrown up into the grass, heaving with sobs. He felt useless, just standing by, but he couldn't- he couldn't do this again. And Dustin tried to comfort him, but he was crying so hard he couldn't even hug him.

Nancy couldn't cry. This didn't feel real, her brother hovering in the sky. She grasped her gun like it would help, standing frozen. No. This wasn't real. It couldn't be. In no universe could Mike die. He couldn't.

Her boyfriend was trying to comfort her, but he was a wreck himself. Mourning for Mike like he was his little brother. Nancy knew Mike was, to Jonathan, a brother in everything but blood. Mike knew Jonathan loved him, would do anything for him, would die for him.

Did he know Nancy would do that too?

El's eyes were rolling under her eyelids, Will had collapsed from the stress, and Mike was going to die-

Nancy screamed, falling into Robin's arms as Mike's leg snapped, and his arm, and his other leg, "No!" She wailed, on her knees, like she was praying to the deities, "No! No, please! Mike!"

"Mike!" Lucas screamed into the grass, the agony was driving him crazy, pulling at his mind like a knot, and Dustin wasn't fairing much better, anguished like he was staring into the face of his own death.

Not their paladin. Please.

But then Mike fell, spared by some miracle, into the arms of his family, "Mike!" Nancy shrieked, pulling her brother close and cradling him like a baby, "Mike- wake up, y-you're okay, you're okay, right? You're fine, wake up..." She whispered, pressing their heads together.

Mike's limbs bent at funny angles, and blood crusted in the creases of his eyebags, his complexion waxy grey, "Mike." She sobbed, "Mike, what am I supposed to tell Mom and Dad? Fuck... w-what a-am I supposed to tell H-Holly?"

Steve checked for a pulse with a hand that shook so hard his wrist ached, and slumped in relief to find one, "I-I'll call an ambulance!" He shouted and sprinted away.

As Dustin and Lucas cried over their friend, Will and El began to wake, their tears following into the unconscious.

Unfortunately, Mike woke too.

His eyelids lifted, and his usual midnight-brown eyes had paled to an unnatural copper, misted with white fog, "W-Will?" He rasped, blinking through his blurry haze, "O-Ouch- ouc- fuck!" He threw his head back, the pain hitting him like a truck, "W-Will?!"

Will wobbly crawled to him, "I-I'm here!" He wailed, "I'm here."

Sirens began to whisper in the distance, growing closer and closer, "Help is a-almost here." El stammered, taking Mike's hand, "You'll be okay!"

"I-It hurts..." Mike rasped, his chest heaving with rapid breaths, "I-It hurts."

Nancy sniffled, pressing a kiss to his forehead, "I-I know," She stroked his hair, "I know, but you just stay awake."

Mike whimpered, eyes searching for her desperately beyond the blur, "I-I do-don't think I-I want to g-go..." He whispered.

---------------------

and I have to end it there for now, I gtg.

Hope you enjoyed!

[wewebaggit]

Semi unpopular opinion around here. I do not think Mike was suicidal (in like being actively suicidal + depressed) when he jumped off the quarry for Dustin. It was his inherent paladinesque nature, love for his friend and a lot of bravado. Bt expected of a precocious 12 year old.

[booksandpaperss]

So, This may be depressing but.

I’m counting up moments in Stranger Things across the seasons where Mike has shown next to no regard (or simply none at all) for his own life… yall it’s concerning.

There are (so far) at least 3 glaringly loud instances where Mike has canonically not cared about his own life at all. We have:

-The cliff scene (s1)

-the scene where Mike hits flayed Billy on the head and is literally almost killed (s3)

-the shoot out scene where Mike throws himself in front of Will several times and even tries to do the same for Jonathan like one or two times (s4)

And ofc an argument can be made for *all of season 2* when Mike was willingly right by Will fully knowing that he was literally possessed by an otherworldly entity that wanted to kill everyone and yet Mike did not care at all, he was just focused on keeping Will safe hmmm

And these are just the biggest instances where it’s really clear, I’m sure if I actually got around to doing my ST rewatch I would notice subtler moments where Mike maybe wasn’t considering his own life as a primary or even secondary cause for concern.

Which brings me to my point: I’m REALLY worried for Mike in season 5. There are way too many hints that Vecna is gonna target him, and even some hints that vecna is ALREADY watching him in season 4. And with how his mental state has been lately, I really don’t think he would be able to emotionally handle dealing with vecna and fighting him off. I can say with 100% certainty that if vecna went for Mike RIGHT NOW, with where he’s mentally at as of the end of season 4, Mike would not make it out on his own; it doesn’t matter what song they would manage to find to play him, or what Will would be able say, because as of right now there is a part of Mike that wants to die. And as long as that’s the case, Mike will not be able to find it in himself to to choose to live despite vecna “persuading” him to die (that’s pretty much what he does), he just won’t. If he IS the one (ha 💀) that’s gonna get vecna’d on the flower field at the start of s5 instead of Will, El would HAVE to pull him out with her powers bc otherwise we’d lose Mike right at the start of the season and I really don’t think that’s gonna happen, the Mike angst is gonna be dragged tf outttt.

Most likely though, its gonna be Will in a Vecna trance at the start of the season, which is good (angsty as hell ofc but Yk, that’s gonna be the season 🥲) bc that gives Mike time to get to a better place mentally before it’s his turn. I’m thinking that by the time Vecna tries to kill Mike, he’ll be in a place to believe that he deserves to live, which means Will’s words WOULD be enough to save him.

This would also be such a beautiful message for people struggling with depression, it would be the same message as the running up that hill scene in s4 and let me tell u that scene had me SOBBING, and with Mike there would be the added layer of his mental health struggles being made worse by being queer and I just know that’s gonna hit home for a lot of ppl… god 😭😭

[henrysglock]

possessiongate

[will80sbyers]

Uhhh only because I don't think Mike has suicidal thoughts doesn't mean I don't think he's depressed because he clearly is... I just don't think he's hating on himself in the way most describe here, I think it's a resigned/anxious way of coping not a active self hating kind of coping... You can have depression even without actively wanting to die or attempting or wanting to hurt yourself consciously!